#I understand the need to show how hard it is being trans in media sometimes but AAAAAAAAAAAA why's it always gotta be so heavy???

[solradguy]

Even though I'm like perpetually elbows-deep in Guilty Gear media of some kind, I sometimes still forget that most of the cast aren't actually transgender lol Like what do you mean Venom doesn't have top scars?? You're telling me Sol's cis with a waist like that??? They are trans in my heart regardless. I don't think Mr Ishiwatari would mind

[sexisdisgusting]

I don’t wear makeup, I don’t shave, and I don’t wear heels or dresses. I don’t even own any makeup products or razors or heels/dresses. I’ve done them occasionally throughout my life, but never consistently. And I don’t wish I did.

But sometimes I feel alienated from other women, especially the women on TV shows and movies. All of them have hairless legs and armpits, makeup on 24/7, and they wear impractical and constricting clothing meant “for women.” It’s so strange to me how I rarely ever see a female character portrayed in media without all of these things.

I talk to other women in real life, and so many of them seem to think it’s insane not to do these things either. I listen to them talk about how long their morning routine took because they had to put on a full face of makeup, or how annoying it is to them that they “have to” shave their legs because their boyfriend is coming over. I just don’t understand. It feels like I’m a different species than them sometimes.

And now it’s got me thinking about TIFs. A lot of them are/were like me -- they didn’t enjoy wearing makeup or shaving or wearing “feminine” clothing. They felt so different from the other women around them and they started to think that they weren’t like those women, as if they weren’t women at all. And I feel awful for these TIFs. It is hard being a gender non-conforming woman in this world. It can be strange and alienating and lonely.

But regardless of if we subscribe to these oppressive standards of “womanhood,” we are still women. And it is much braver to recognize and accept our sex and continue to not conform to gender roles than to try to pretend that we are a different sex altogether. That is the easy way out. And I understand why they want to take it. But at the same time I don’t.

We need more gender non-conforming women in this world. And it’s hard for that to happen when all the gender non-conforming women are told that their gender non-conformity is indicative of “transness.” When a woman acting/looking gender non-conforming is told to “take some T.” When historical gender non-conforming, especially lesbian, women are now being referred to as “transmen.”

How are we ever supposed to escape the oppressive gender stereotyping the patriarchy shoves down our throats like this? -🪽

wow this is incredibly intelligent and insightful i agree entirely, the world needs more gnc women happy in their own skin to show that you dont need to trans out just bc u dont fit society's idea of a woman

take this

[talenlee]

Story Pile: Nimona

It can be hard sometimes to talk about a movie that’s just solid and good. Especially because sometimes a movie is remarkable, and great, and enjoyable, but also it’s just a thing in its genre that’s really good, and really enjoyable, and competently made and coming from a good place, but also doesn’t need veneration as breaking new ground technologically or culturally or anything like that. If it is breaking that new ground, that’s more of a problem because surely we’ve had an animated kid’s movie about a gay dad and his shapeshifting girlthing sidekick child, right?

Right?

It seems kinda obvious once you see it.

I’m going to mention some things in the movie, but nothing too specific. Still, obligatory one-two combo that I liked this movie, and I’m talking about it in Pride Month, and if you want more, then yeah I’m going to need you to consider a Spoiler Warning.

Content warning? I guess there’s a content warning in that I talk about the mindset of the weirdoes who hate this kind of kid’s movie for being ‘too woke.’

Nimona is a 2023 animated kid’s movie about Ballister Boldheart, a knight in a castlepunk retrofuture, where there’s subways and swords and lasers and cereal mascots and cars and again, swords and knights. Ballister is a good guy, about to be promoted to Really Cool Knight Guy, then his sword kills the king, and suddenly he’s the biggest villain in town. On the run from his former friends and boyfriend, he goes on the run to try and clear his name (or not), until he recruits – accidentally – a monstrous shapeshifter kid called Nimona.

From there, there’s a name to clear, a conspiracy to uncover, a mythic history to rewrite and a big monster battle culminating in a new, better status quo. Hearts are changed, people understand themselves, there’s a hug and a kiss and it’s all pretty wholesome and simple.

I had fun watching this movie. It’s not going to be my favourite movie about a monster finding and choosing their own identity (because that’s Lilo & Stitch), nor my favourite movie about showing the fundamentally queer relationship of a shapeshifter to its body (that’s probably still Chameleon, a friend’s OC), nor is it my favourite story of normalising recognising the impermanence of all children’s identities… though actually, that slot’s open.

There’s culture war nonsense around this movie, of course. It’s got a trans creator, it’s got queer themes, Nimona is as a character reads as a girl but she’s not hot —

what?

Don’t give me that look, you know exactly what I mean. Nimona’s not hot. She doesn’t look like Jasmine or Ariel or Elsa or whatever, she’s not made to present explicitly a clear, iconographic femininity, which includes with it, a deliberate intention to be visually appealing. This is because our society has a simple binary paradigm for women; there’s a big list of things women are and there are things where they can’t be. Since women are attractive – you know, because they’re objects for us to look at – then a woman who isn’t attractive is wrong or bad or ugly. Therefore, Nimona is a girl ‘wrong’, and that means she has to be painted as insidious, or harmful.

Anyway, yeah, yeah, people are mad at Nimona for not being hot despite the fact she’s a child, and that’s actually something our society and media does a lot of even though when you point it out like that it’s obviously incredibly creepy and weird and bad. But that’s part of the problem because it’s hard, when you already can accept a world in which say, a ten year old girl is under no obligation to be attractive that in fact considering her in that paradigm is a really un-normal way to think of kids.

It’s so hard to imagine doing that. It’s harder to imagine caring about being mad at this movie that is, in the broad strokes, pretty much just like any other Kids Movie about a cool outsider getting to change the world for the better. It’s practically a Pixar movie in how it fits together, the structure and the tone, you know? These movies aren’t built out of complicated parts! They’re built out of raw, basic components where your expectations are rarely going to be truly subverted and you can rely that even if things don’t work out okay in the immediate, they’re going to work out eventually.

This is a kid’s movie. It’s got kid movie pacing, it’s got kid movie characterisation, things only matter as much as they need to in order to get the story moving. Nimona is a hard movie to really complain about! The story’s cohesive, it’s got a good sense of drama, the scenes where characters move are fast and fluid, there are some really good callback jokes, and it isn’t asking anything ridiculous of its audience, unless you struggle at the idea of things like Indian dudes as protagonists, or gay guys as protagonists or kids who signal being queer as protagonists.

Instead, as with so many things of this ilk, Nimona sets off an emotional reaction, and then the person having that emotional reaction doesn’t have the ability to trust in how they feel about that, they don’t know how to feel about their own feelings. What you get instead then is instead of like, a form of analysis or a recognition of a critical framework, you get this sort of flailing emotionality that gets barfed into a sort of Discourse Template that leans heavily on the term actually.

It’s kinda a testament to how delicate heteronormativity is that this movie gets treated like it’s a radioactive weapon of brain deformation when it is a very reasonable kid’s movie. How unremarkable this movie is in what it’s doing, it’s just delightful, enjoyable, brilliantly witty, comically tuned and expressing a fantastic range of references that avoids being obtuse.

But then people thought Frozen was turning kids gay, I dunno.

Check it out on PRESS.exe to see it with images and links!

[heartlandians]

EXCLUSIVE: 'A gay guy should play a gay guy': Heartland star Aidan Moreno believes it's no longer 'authentic' for a straight actor to take on an LGBTQ+ character

Aidan Moreno believes straight actors should 'step aside and let the gay and trans community represent themselves'.

The actor, who plays the first LGBTQ+ character Rick on the hit Netflix show Heartland, said he doesn't think it is 'authentic' for a show to have a straight individual play a gay role.

He explained he understands when a 'big lead actor' takes on a gay role because it can 'bring awareness' to the LGBTQ+ community.  

In an exclusive interview with MailOnline, Aidan revealed how he feels about straight actors playing gay roles.

He said: 'I would say I'm leaning towards a gay guy should play a gay guy. This is a weird one because I understand how some characters need a straight actor because it adds more of a platform and focus to gay stories.

'But now I think we are in a place where we should step a side and let gay and trans represent their own community through their own voice.

'Same with any minority its all well and good having diversity but if its a straight white man at the top making those decisions and writing the script its still coming through from a straight white man's lens.

'We have to try and make sure every level, for whatever group we are representing, is involved so whether that is a gay actor playing the gay role I think they need to be as much involved as possible.

'Otherwise you're playing a stereotype and it wont be authentic which I think in this day and age it needs to be.'

Following Aidan joining Heartland four seasons ago, his role has introduced storylines such as gay marriage and adoption.

The Netflix series has received lots of positive feedback from fans but these important storylines have unfortunately raised homophobic commentary which has been difficult for Aidan to stomach.

He said: 'It was really hard at first but I think I've built up such a tough skin from my background of growing up on a council estate in the Midlands. It wasn't until I was 19 or 20 years old I came out, so I'm used to the homophobic comments anyways.'

The actor added that he found it a struggle to 'separate himself from the character' due to his role being similar to his real life.

He continued: 'It made the experience very difficult reading the comments because I love social media and interacting with the majority of the show's fans but I couldn't separate myself from the character.

'Even though I'm playing a character, a lot of that role is who I am and represents me and that is how I know it is so important for any gay kid watching the show.

'When people attack Rick they are attacking the entire LGBTQ community they are saying you are not accepted.

'It is such a shame and it is surprising it still exists. I really thought we had come so much further.

'I'm trying to remain better not bitter but it is very hard and it does get to me. It's so easy to focus on the negatives sometimes and I think we all do that on social media but we have to learn to flip that switch and focus on the positives.'

Netflix is set to drop season 16 of Heartland later this month and Aidan revealed fans will see a 'more vulnerable side' to his role.

The actor said he thinks 'it is pretty iconic for the writers to take such a risk' with his character in the new series.  

He said: 'I'm really excited for it to come out because we shot it last summer, my mum and grandparents are like, "when can we see it?, I think half of my friends don't believe I'm actually on the tele.

'I think fans are definitely going to see a more vulnerable side to my character this season. With him being the first LGBTQ+ character in the shows 16 years history I think it is pretty iconic for the writers to take that risk with my character.

'I think with the first two or three seasons that I've been in it's been a caricature leaning into the general queer characters we see on TV its there for comedy and its never the hero story.

'This year they have wanted to show the more humanity level of Rick, we will see him possibly adopting a baby.

'We are going to be introduced to his on screen husband because that has been alluded for two years and it's been like "well where is he?" We will see a different side of him there and he will take charge in the work place as well.'

When he first landed the role, Aidan thought it was just 'a throw away character' but he now sees it as a 'responsibility to use his voice' to allow families watching the show to have open conversations about sexuality.

He believes that the show network 'is very inclusive and diverse' but the reason it took so long to introduce a gay character to Heartland was down to the 'very toxic masculine environment' of rodeos, cowboys and cowgirls.

Aidan explained: 'I think the network is very inclusive and diverse but this show in particular is specific to a western culture that is a very masculine and also a toxic masculine environment, so I think they had to tread very very carefully.

'Also I think people in those communities who are part of LGBTQ have never had many characters they could draw upon.

'More and more we need to push to be able to see us in every situation so people feel comfortable and safe coming out in those communities. We've come a long way but people still need to do a hell of a lot better.'

Heartland officially started filming season 17 on Monday and Aidan added that he hopes Rick will develop further 'to be the hero in that gay kid's living room instead of the side piece or best friend'.

Heartland Season 16 will be released on Netflix across the UK, Ireland, and Australia on May 17.

Source

[cosmeticsandcontrollers]

How to support your adult loved one when they come out as trans:

Since you’ve found this essay, it can only be assumed that you are looking for guidance in how to support this person. You may be afraid of messing up- either because you care about harming this person, or because you don’t want to embarrass yourself. The safest thing you can do is show them you care about them, you trust that they know what’s best, and that you’re along for the ride.

1. Own up to your first reaction

Let’s assume this loved one came out to you during an in-person visit. You probably didn’t react perfectly. But that’s okay. You may have even said the dreaded “you’re my daughter and I’ll always love you” to your trans child that no longer identifies as a woman.

They may want to discuss your reaction at a later date. Own up to any mistakes that you made, and understand that what they remember from the interaction was probably more accurate, as it’s about their life and identity.

2. Show them that you still want to be as or more involved in their lives.

One of the biggest fears a newly out trans person might have is that they will lose loved ones in the process. Not only does this change someone’s view of an important relationship, it means they have less support. Before their visit ends, make sure that you’ve made plans to see them again sometime soon. The more time you spend together, the easier new names, pronouns, and terms will be.

When making plans with them use their name in follow-up and confirmation texts, and ask if there are any safety concerns they will need addressed. Knowing that someone is also thinking about their safety can help them know you care about them.

3. Practice their name and pronouns.

Usually, when someone comes out, they will want someone to use a different name, pronouns, and terms for them than they used previously. A frequent response to this is “I’ve always called you X, it’s too hard for me to call you Y, and I’m not going to worry about it,”. That’s not your call to make, and shows the person that you are not willing to change your behavior for their well-being.

One way to practice a new name or pronouns for someone is to talk about them to someone who is aware of the transition, or to write stories about them. It helps to connect “person” with “name” and “realistic situation”.

For example: “I think Sadie plans to visit the Grand Canyon this summer. I wonder if she’s ever seen a canyon before. She may have to borrow some camping equipment.” This sentence doesn’t have to be true, but gives us an opportunity to practice speaking without the embarrassment of being corrected.

4. Learn how to be corrected.

You may have this preconceived notion that trans people love to correct cis people. Most of us actually hate it, as it draws more attention to us and can lead to arguments. A short “thank you,” after being corrected shows that you won’t make it our problem.

5. Do your own research.

There’s an abundance of online resources about gender identity, and the history of trans people in our society. Seek out resources from trans writers, researchers, and doctors for more accurate information; as many websites marketed to the family members of trans people share misinformation.

Ask your loved one what news sources they like, and maybe even follow some of their favorite trans celebrities on social media to normalize seeing celebrated trans people.

6. Understand that things may change.

Your loved one may start wearing clothes that you aren’t used to, may have different life goals, and may change their opinions on things that you thought were set in stone.

When I came out to my parents, I told them that I would never pursue a medical transition, and now I’m six months on hormone replacement therapy. I said I wanted to have biological kids, but now I want to foster teens instead. What I thought was best for me changed. And that’s okay. You’re just along for the ride.

[grad604-haydenmiddleton]

QUESTIONS ABOUT MYSELF AS A DESIGNER

THE CREATIVE

Who is doing the creative practice and the underpinning research? When I need inspiration I often give myself time to play video games, watch cartoons or read comics which all help to make me feel creative again. Also I find junk journals or scrapbooks inspiring as well and doing these things are a good place for me to start, almost like creative stretching for my brain.

Who am I as a designer? I am an artist, photographer and designer. An avid art enjoyer and media consumer. I enjoy video essays and queer influences. I enjoy horror and the macabre and yet also bright, bold, in your face colours and designs with cartoon and anime-like influences. These are some crazy contrasts in my own ideas and what I enjoy but it’s a fun mix and perfect balance for myself.

What are the influences on me as a designer? I’m a very thinking person, empathetic almost to a fault where it made me a really nervous kid. I’m also trans and although I knew this about myself for a long time I’m only now beginning to medically transition and in that questioning period of my life I’ve unpacked and explored a lot about gender and gender roles and how these effect queer and cis people alike.

How can I unpack the personal design ideologies that cultural shifts, ethics, and responsibility that impact my design-making? I unpack these ideologies in my own work. I explore how it’s like to not be stereotypically masculine or feminine and how this feeling of not being manly or womanly enough is something that both cis and queer people struggle with and so these boxes we put on gender are harmful for everyone. I think a lot about this and obviously I’m always checking the news and it’s a hard place right now to look at the news and feel safe as a trans person and it annoys me the misinformation which is spread and believed .

How might I expand my visual vocabulary by understanding the environmental, social, cultural, political contexts of my design influences? I think I could definitely enjoy looking back more one older queer artists and designers, especially those in Aotearoa and seeing the type of work they created and what were there influences. I want to connect more with the past in this way.

Where do I stand in relation to my practice and what do I value? In relation to my practice I value image making and unconventional looking things. It’s fun to push the boundaries of what is considered art or good design. Because really, if something looks good and is compelling it works as design.

THE CREATION

What is the nature of my communication design practice and research? I think over the years I’ve developed a good practice and process to how I made and think about my work. Even though sometimes it’s all over the place and there can be times where I get behind I know that with how I design I will usually be able to complete work before deadlines.

How do my environmental, social, cultural, sub-cultural, political contexts and influences show up in my work? I’m always looking at things from a trans and queer perspective since it’s something I’m most passionate about which makes it easy to incorporate these ideas.

What key themes, ideas and conversations are speaking in or through my work? Themes of gender and sexuality and very prevalent. But also these Cartoon inspirations follow as well I think.

What specialist subject knowledge do I want my work to convey? My relationship with gender as a trans man is an area I’m passionate about and is something very unique to me. Especially since I know I’m not typically masculine and I know that confuses a lot of people.

Are there specific techniques and crafts I want to hone within my practice? I love exploring the analoge techniques with design even though it takes a lot of extra work and usually printing and paper money. But if I could give myself more time to explore this medium I’d love to. Collage, publications, physical textured paints, pencils, pens, etc. Although I am most comfortable doing digital art and design work.

THE CREATIVE COMMUNITIES

Who are the local and global creatives, designers, illustrators, photographers that you want to connect with? I think it would be fun to have a space with a bunch of other creatives where we can just display and create work. Otherwise I haven’t got a specific goal im mind but working with others would be fun I think but I would also still like to do a lot of my own work alongside following briefs or a company.

What are the influences on them and what engages you in their work? I also enjoy looking at other queer artists like Pati Solomona or even Petra Collins who are both photographers with a specific aesthetic that I really enjoy. I also enjoy designers who use analogue collections of material and images like Patrick Thomas and his screen-printing work.

In what (if any) ways are you collaborative and engaging in communities? I used to post a lot of my personal art projects online and it was more of a place to keep a collection of my finished work. It was good to create and space where I could get critique and compliments from other artists and I would do the same with them. It also helped as an archive so I could look back at the progression of my work and it made it easier to see these improvements. Then I also work with my friend who’s also an artist by working on film or photography projects and I work with them to help produce their own work. Working in these spaces is mutually beneficial for both of us as young artists and designers.

What Impacts, concepts, thematics, and organising principles are at play in the creative practice? Anything creative anywhere requires concepts and organisation. There are rules to follow and even when a design or creative piece decides to omit these rules that is still a very informed decision and they’re actively working against the rules put in place which one could argue it’s a different way of following and thinking about the rules of organisation, thematics and concepts. I’m an enjoyer of following these rules but also breaking them to do something more unconventional to reflect unconventional types of gender expression.

[theoculus124]

My seventh rant of a he/they day

I'm really pissed off at the amount of anti LGBT stuff there is rn. With people boycotting brands like Nike for showing LGBT support to hearing US politicians saying we need to 'eradicate transgenderism' (I think that's the quote but idk exactly I'm too exhausted to find the exact thing) to UK prime minister trying to take trans people out of the equality act AND trying to pass a bill to make teachers legally obliged to disclose student's gender identities to parents (which could put students in danger)... It just feels like everywhere u turn there's homophobia/transphobia etc and I know I shouldn't internalise it but it's so hard not too. It just adds to the deteriorating mental health I (and other LGBT teens) already have.

FYI my parents are catholic and at one point they sent me to a catholic camp which was the same homophobic/transphobic bullshit u'll see in the news but in real life. Honestly catholic camp is as horrible as it sounds and the fact that sometimes the media is becoming another version of it is actual hell.

I'm scared this constant anti LGBT rhetoric because rn I haven't really transitioned except for some of my irl friends knowing my new name. I've always hoped to transition once I'm 18 but now Idek if I'll be able to do that seeing where politics is going.

It's just so draining and frustrating how people don't understand how it isn't LGBT influencers/community that is ruining people's mental health but the transphobes and homophobes who constantly work to tear us down and remove our rights to just do what we want that doesn't fucking affect anyone else.

I'm sorry this is a LONG rant but Idk I'm getting frustrated considering the fact that I am unfortunately surrounded by homophobia irl I thought I could escape it while I'm online but ofc not which is why all of this is so overwhelming; the few companies who support us are being boycotted and its genuinely makes me scream.

Have a good day :)

[the-diary-of-red-beryl]

Interim Report

Long time no see. I haven't posted a reflection on here in a while, mainly because I haven't been able to make a lot of definitive conclusions since I last wrote, but I think I have enough thoughts now so here goes.

'Hey! How are you?' is the precursor to my most frequent lie, or half lie I suppose, because I reply with, "yea not bad, yourself?" Because, truthfully, I really don't think I've ever been happy. My baseline emotion is despair, with a dash of distracted, here and there (it's like scrolling your social media feed, flicking through tv channels, or having a look at what's on food delivery apps), and these days I genuinely can't bring myself to tell others that I feel better now, because it's never been true. It's bleak, that I can really see myself being the extremely sardonic book character that chronically struggles with depression among other things, and eventually loses out.

There are so many reasons as to why I feel this way, and I imagine a couple more are waiting to be discovered, and while putting a label on them has helped me understand it a bit better (names are powerful), it's still only the first step. I like to follow the practice of "yes, and?", which in this case begs the question, "so, why is that?" It's a lot, some of which I did cover previously (add being trans masc to the list), and it's sort of a case where while I've finished processing the events, I haven't exactly understood why I still feel the way I do.

A huge consequence of it is that I feel extremely different to other people, like an alien. I've since found that this is a fairly common feeling among others sharing the same conditions, though I've yet to find people similar to me, not that I need to. I think that if I do though, then maybe they'll be more likely to care, but also be able to make me feel seen and heard, and safe. It doesn't feel likely at the moment, and maybe not ever, but if that's how it is, then I'm okay with it.

Right now, I just feel angry. Angry that I keep opening up to people that weren't right for me, and that it never works out. I'm not really mad at the people, as much as I am about the situation itself, because it's frustrating to be stuck with the same outcomes no matter what I seem to be doing to make things better. I still wonder sometimes, if it's because I did something wrong, or if I'm a bad person, but I know now that I'm just quite weird.

I most likely do miss social cues (it's hard to say unless someone points it out) and overstep unspoken boundaries, but that's absolutely not done out of malice. Besides, I'd rather be weird if it means it's more sustainable for me, rather than constantly having to keep my actions in check (timing my eye contact, making sure I smile and show an appropriate level of emotion at the right times, padding out my words, etc.) because if I'm going to be alone either way, I'd rather be myself.

It means that I've been able to spend time getting to know myself, what I like and dislike, what I believe in, and so on. And it's enough to know that I've done right by my principles so far. While the situations that I've faced so far haven't been great, I don't believe that I could've avoided it (because I've done my best). I haven't been negligent in my efforts to improve my circumstance, constantly finding new ways of thinking about the problems and trying it out, and that's all that I really can do (or should be expected to do).

[liquidstar]

I feel as if many people, myself included, have been having problems with the way “critical thinking” is conducted in fandom circles more and more. Which I’d say is a good thing, because it means we’re thinking critically. But still the issues with the faux-critical mentality and with the way we consume media through that fandom group mentality are incredibly widespread at this point, despite being very flawed, and there are still plenty of people who follow it blindly, ironically.

I sort of felt like I had to examine my personal feelings on it and I ended up writing a whole novel, which I’ll put under the cut, and I do welcome other people’s voices in the matter, because while I’m being as nuanced as I can here I obviously am still writing from personal experience and may overlook some things from my limited perspective. But by and large I think I’ve dissected the phenomena as best I can from what I’ve been seeing going on in fandom circles from a safe but observable distance.

Right off the bat I want to say, I think it's incredibly good and necessary to be critical of media and understand when you should stop consuming it, but that line can be a bit circumstantial sometimes for different people. There are a lot of anime that I used to watch as a teenager that I can’t enjoy anymore, because I got more and more uncomfortable overtime with the sexualization of young characters, partly because as I was getting older I was really starting to realize how big of an issue it was, and I certainly think more critically now than I did when I was 14. Of course I don’t assume everyone who still watches certain series is a pedophile, and I do think there are plenty of fans that understand this. However I still stay away from those circles and that’s a personal choice.

I don’t think a person is morally superior based on where they draw the line and their own boundaries with this type of stuff, what’s more important is your understanding of the problem and response to it. There are series I watch that have a lot of the same issues around sexualization of the young characters in the cast, but they’re relatively toned down and I can still enjoy the aspects of the series I actually like without it feeling as uncomfortable and extreme. Others will not be able to, and their issues with it are legitimate and ones that I still ultimately agree with, but they’re still free to dislike the series for it, after all our stance on the issue itself is the same so why would I resent them for it?

Different people are bound to have different lines they draw for how far certain things can go in media before they’re uncomfortable watching it and it doesn’t make it a moral failing of the person who can put up with more if they’re still capable of understanding why it’s bad to begin with and able to not let it effect them. But I don’t think that sentiment necessarily contradicts the idea that some things really are too far gone for this to apply, the above examples aren’t the same thing as a series centered solely around lolicon ecchi and it doesn’t take a lot of deep analysis to understand why. It’s not about a personal line anymore when it comes to things that are outright propaganda or predatory with harmful ideals woven into the message of the story itself. Critical thinking means knowing the difference between these, and no one can hold your hand through it. And simply slapping “I’m critical of my interests” on your bio isn’t a get out of jail free card, it’s always evident when someone isn’t truly thinking about the impact of the media they consume through the way they consume it.

I think the issue is that when people apply “Critical thinking” they don’t actually analyze the story and its intent, messages, themes, morals, and all that. Instead they approach it completely diegetically, it’s basically the thermian argument, the issue stems from thinking about the story and characters as if they’re real people and judging their actions through that perspective, rather than something from a writer trying to deliver a narrative by using the story and characters as tools. Like how people get upset about characters behaving “problematically” without realizing that it’s an intentional aspect of the story, that the character needs to cause problems for there to be conflict. What they should be looking at instead is what their behavior represents in the real world.

You do not need to apply real-world morals to fictional characters, you need to apply them to the narrative. The story exists in the real world, the characters and events within it do not. Fictional murderers themselves do not hurt anyone, no one is actually dying at their hands, but their actions hold weight in the narrative which itself can harm real people. If the character only murders gay people then it reflects on whatever the themes and messages of the story are, and it’s a major issue if it's framed as if they’re morally justified, or as if this is a noble action. And it’s a huge red flag if people stan this character, even if the story itself actually presents their actions as reprehensible. Or cases where the murderers themselves are some kind of awful stereotype, like Buffalo Bill who presents a violent and dangerous stereotype of trans women, making the character a transmisogynistic caricature (Intentional or otherwise) that has caused a lot of harm to the perception of trans women. When people say “Fiction affects reality” this is what they mean. They do not mean “People will see a pretend bad guy and become bad” they mean “Ideals represented in fiction will be pulled from the real world and reflected back onto it.”

However, stories shouldn’t have to spoon-feed you the lesson as if you’re watching a children’s cartoon, stories often have nuances and you have to actively analyze the themes of it all to understand it’s core messages. Oftentimes it can be intentionally murky and hard to parse especially if the subject matter itself is complicated. But you can’t simply read things on the surface and think you understand everything about them, without understanding the symbolism or subtext you can leave a series like Revolutionary Girl Utena thinking the titular Utena is heterosexual and was only ever in love with her prince. Things won’t always be face-value or clear-cut and you will be forced to come to your own conclusions sometimes too.

That’s why the whole fandom-based groupthink mentality about “critical thinking” doesn’t work, because it’s not critical. It’s simply looking into the crowd, seeing people say a show is problematic, and then dropping it without truly understanding why. It’s performative, consuming the best media isn’t activism and it doesn’t make you a better person. Listening to the voices of people whom the issues directly concerns will help you form an opinion, and to understand the issues from a more knowledgeable perspective beyond your own. All that means nothing if you just sweep it under the rug because you want to look infallible in your morality. That’s not being critical, it’s just being scared to analyze yourself, as well as what you engage with. You just don’t want to think about those things and you’re afraid of being less than perfect so you pretend it never happened.

And though I’m making this post, it’s not mine or anyone else’s job to hold your hand through all this and tell you “Oh this show is okay, but this show isn't, and this book is bad etc etc etc”. Because you actually have to think for yourself, you know, critically. Examples I’ve listed aren’t rules of thumb, they’re just examples and things will vary depending on the story and circumstance. You have to look at shit on a case-by-case basis instead of relying on spotting tropes without thinking about how they’re implemented and what they mean. That’s why it’s analysis, you have to use it to understand what the narrative is communicating to its audience, explicitly or implicitly, intentionally or incidentally, and understand how this reflects the real world and what kind of impact it can have on it. 

A big problem with fandom is it has made interests synonymous with personality traits, as if every series we consume is a core part of our being, and everything we see in it reflects our viewpoints as well. So when people are told that a show they watched is problematic, they react very extremely, because they see it as basically the same thing as saying they themselves are problematic (It’s not). Everyone sees themselves as good people, they don’t want to be bad people, so this scares them and they either start hiding any evidence that they ever liked it, or they double down and start defending it despite all its flaws, often providing those aforementioned thermian arguments (“She dresses that way because of her powers!”).

That’s how you get people who call children’s cartoons “irredeemable media” and people who plaster “fiction=/= reality!” all over their blogs, both are basically trying to save face either by denying that they could ever consume anything problematic or denying that the problematic aspects exist all together. And absolutely no one is actually addressing the core issues anymore, save for those affected by them who pointed them out to begin with, only for their original point to become muffled in the discourse. No one is thinking critically because they’re more concerned with us-vs-them group mentality, both sides try to out-perform the other while the actual issue gets ignored or is used as nothing more than a gacha with no true understanding or sympathy behind it.

One of the other issues that comes from this is the fact that pretty much everyone thinks they’re the only person capable of being critical of their interests. That’s how you get those interactions where one person goes “OK [Media] fan” and another person replies “Bro you literally like [Other Media]”, because both parties think they’re the only ones capable of consuming a problematic piece of media and not becoming problematic themselves, anyone else who enjoys it is clearly incapable of being as big brained as them. It’s understandable because we know ourselves and trust ourselves more than strangers, and I’m not saying there can’t be certain fandoms who’s fans you don’t wanna interact with, but when we presume that we know better than everyone else we stop listening to other people all together. It’s good to trust your own judgement, it’s bad to assume no one else has the capacity to think for themselves either though.

The insistence that all media that you personally like is without moral failing and completely pure comes with the belief that all media that you personally dislike has to be morally bad in some way. As if you can’t just dislike a series because you find it annoying or it just doesn’t appeal to you, it has to be problematic, and you have to justify your dislike of it through that perspective. You have to believe that your view on whatever media it is is the objectively correct one, so you’ll likely pick apart all it’s flaws to prove you’re on the right side, but there’s no analysis of context or intent. Keep in mind this doesn’t necessarily mean those critiques are unfounded or invalid, but in cases like this they’re often skewed in one direction based on personal opinion. It’s just as flawed as ignoring all the faults in the stuff you like, it’s biased and subjective analysis that misses a lot of context in both cases, it’s not a good mindset to have about consuming media. It’s just another result of tying media consumption with identity and personal morals. The faux-critical mentality is an attempt to separate the two in a way that implies they’re a packaged deal to begin with, making it sort of impossible to truly do so in any meaningful way.

As far as I know this whole phenomena started with “Steven Universe Critical” in, like, 2016, and that’s where this mentality around “critical thinking” originated. It started out with just a few people correctly pointing out very legitimate issues with the series, but over time it grew into just a trend where people would make cutesy kin blogs with urls like critical-[character] or [character]crit to go with the fad as it divulged into Nostalgia Critic level critique. Of course there was backlash to this and criticism of the criticism, but no actual conversation to be had. Just people trying to out-do each other by acting as the most virtuous one in the room, and soon enough the fad became a huge echo-chamber that encouraged more and more outrageous takes for every little thing. The series itself was a children’s cartoon so it stands to reason that a lot of the fans were young teens, so this behavior isn’t too surprising and I do believe a lot of them did think they were doing the right thing, especially since it was encouraged. But that doesn’t erase the fact that there were actual real issues and concerns brought up about the series that got treated with very little sympathy and were instead drowning out people’s voices. Though those from a few years back may have grown up since and know better (Hopefully), the mentality stuck around and influenced the norm for how fandoms and fandom people conduct any sort of critique on media. 

That’s a shame to me, because the pedestal people place fandom onto has completely disrupted our perception on how to engage with media in a normal way. Not everything should be consumed with fandom in mind, not everything is a coffee-shop au with no conflict, not everything is a children’s cartoon with the morals spoon-fed to you. Fandom has grown past the years of uncritical praise of a series, it’s much more mainstream now with a lot more voices in it beyond your small community on some forum, and people are allowed to use those voices. Just because it may not be as pleasant for you now because you don’t get to just turn your brain off and ignore all the flaws doesn’t mean you can put on your rose-tinted nostalgia goggles and pretend that fandom is actually all that is good in the world, to the point where you place it above the comfort and safety of others (Oftentimes children). Being uncritical of fandom itself is just as bad as being uncritical of what you consume to begin with. 

At the end of the day it all just boils down to the ability to truly think for yourself but with sympathy and compassion for other people in mind, while also understanding that not everyone will come to the same conclusion as you and people are allowed to resent your interests. That doesn’t necessarily mean they hate you personally, you should be acknowledging the same issues after all. You can’t ignore aspects of it that aren’t convenient to your conclusion, you have to actually be critical and understand the issues to be able to form it. 

I think that all we need is to not rely on fandom to tell us what to do, but still listen to the voices of others, take them into account to form our opinion too, boost their voices instead of drowning them out in the minutiae of internet discourse about which character is too much of an asshole to like. Think about what the characters and story represent non-diegetically instead of treating them like real people and events, rather a story with an intent and message to share through its story and characters, and whatever those reflect from the real world. That’s how fiction affects reality, because it exists in reality and reflects reality through its own lens. The story itself is real, with a real impact on you and many others, so think about the impact and why it all matters. Just… Think. Listen to others but think for yourself, that’s all.

[endobiologist]

Trans Guy Tips #6; A GUIDE FOR ALLIES: ON HOW TO TREAT TRANS PEOPLE RESPECTFULLY, FROM A TRANS MAN HIMSELF

1. Just simply treat us like regular human beings. This means don't be assholes, and don't be fetishizers.

Trans people are just like anyone, their brain just happened to form in a different way than their body did in the womb.

If you treat them with the same respect that you treat everyone else, you're doing right.

Don't be that person who asks if they had surgery, and what their genitals look & looked like, and all those personal questions that are maaaybe well meaning but come off creepy as fuck.

2. Take their name & pronouns seriously!!

If someone is trans, even if they don't look like the gender they are, try not to ever misgender them.

This can be mental anguish for a lot of people who are trans.

There are a lot of trans people who look perfect, yes, but there are also a lot of trans people who don't pass whatsoever.

If you just support the beautiful trans people and not the unconventionally attractive ones, that counts as transphobia because it implies they're not real men / women unless they look like them exactly.

And it's okay if you mess up on their pronouns and/or name sometimes, it's just an accident.

The only time you're an asshole is if you're doing it on purpose to be mean.

3. Ask questions!

The most important thing you can do is gain as much knowledge on the subject as you can.

Do this by researching yourself, and also by talking to the person, and asking them about any questions or confusions you have.

Almost all of the time no one minds being asked, and you are in fact showing you respect them and want to know how to show them your respect.

4. A nice thing to do that's become very popular as of late, is when meeting someone, asking their pronouns.

Such as she/her/hers, he/him/his, and they/them/theirs.

This way you never misgender someone by accident, and it shows that you're friendly to those who are trans.

You can even support this movement yourself by not only doing this, but also putting your own pronouns in your biography on social media, spreading the likelihood of people putting more in, which means way more people get gender fulfilled and makes it a common thing to give strangers respect of their gender!

5. This is yet the most important rule of all.

Don't be a coward.

Stand up to injustice when you see it, no matter what.

If a trans or gay or otherwise LGBT+ person is being bullied, attacked, r*ped, or anything of the sort, either help them yourself quickly or get help for them as soon as possible, and speak up loudly, protecting them whilst also not drowning out their own voice and their experiences. I've known some trans people who have cried after I defended them online from hateful people, and as a fellow trans person I know that feeling.

The feeling of someone having your back,even a stranger, can mean so much.

Also stand up for LGBT+ people even when no one is listening. Even when a single person that's LGBT+ isn't there.

Stand up for them always, not just conditionally.

This rule is important to me personally, due to one of my ex-best friends, at the time best friend, letting me get harshly abused verbally by someone who is transphobic in their family, and they stood around and did nothing whilst I cried.

That's pretty much a textbook case of what not to do. Lol.

6. When you notice they're feeling dysphoric about their bodies, try and remind them of the traits that they like and the traits that they will have in the future (if they go on HRT that is)

things like calling them 'handsome', 'dude', 'bro', 'milady', 'miss', all these different nicknames can be cathartic for trans people who might have never been called those terms before, or very rarely.

Obviously you're not expected to know every whim of your trans friend, or any friend, but if you see them actively upset, this is a very sweet thing to do that can cheer them up very quickly.

7. Even if you do not understand it at all, and can't comprehend the transgender concept whatsoever, please try your best to think of where your loved one is coming from.

Sometimes it's hard to see the pain they go through, so you may assume nothing is going on, and that they're going through a phase, or faking it, but that is usually very untrue/unlikely.

And even if they are going through a phase, if you support them, that will make all the difference and they'll remember that the rest of their lives, even if they do grow out of it, which is extremely rare so it's unlikely in the first place.

What matters is having each other's backs, even if not understanding everything.

Not everything is meant to be understood by everyone. People come from wildly different generations and cultural backgrounds and it makes sense that it would be hard for some, but it,'s so important to try!

8. This is a small, cute optional thing, but if they're in the closet and unable to use their real name anywhere, try taking them somewhere like Starbucks where they get to have their name written on their cup.

I know that might sound funny, but it was one of my favourite moments in my life when I saw my new name correctly on my Starbucks cup.

Little things like that can really boost your mood!

Just a random thought, but I thought I'd add it in.

9. If you're close with them, make sure they practise self-care and wellbeing.

Trans people are known especially to have very high suicide rates, over 50% of trans people have attempted suicide, so it's extremely important to make sure your trans friend is as supported as possible, so that they always have people to fall back on.

If needed, remind them to take showers, remind them to eat, and sleep, things like that.

This one mainly has to do with if you live with the person and know them well.

But even people you don't know them well, you can suggest self-care practises to them, or even put together a little care package of self care products, but make sure they're all natural!

10. A good way to train to use their pronouns and name correctly, is to think of them in your mind hard, and then repeat their new name and pronouns in your brain or aloud with the picture of them in your mind over and over for as long as you need every day or so.

Eventually this association will become so strong you'll automatically get it every time!

11. Most importantly, just be there for people in need.

Stand up for those without a voice, whilst giving them a voice. If you're one of the people out there who is not LGBT+ in any way, but is making an effort to learn about us,

I thank you from the bottom of my heart.

People like you are extravagantly rare, and so kind. And it definitely means you have an open badass mind.

Anyway, that concludes this article, please comment your thoughts!

Many more articles about being transgender I'll write in the future, and I'll post the ones I write soon.

Please feel free to check back at my account to see if I write any new ones or additions to previous articles!

Thank you for reading.

- Atom T. L. Yorke

[idreamtofmanderleyagain]

Five years ago, the women on this site who treated me like trash over loving Labyrinth and shipping Jareth/Sarah were almost always obliviously consuming Radfem propaganda, or were out and out Radfems/Terfs themselves.

They were the types of people who casually threw the word “pedophile” around against grown women who shipped an adult Sarah with Jareth, aka literally one of the most popular ships for women in fandom for 30 years.

Pretty much invariably, these women had serious sex-negative anxieties, which included a severe paranoia about any and all kink and fetish, and porn in general. I saw a lot of shocking, fear-mongering propaganda surrounding sexual expression. Pretty much invariably, their method of approach involved immediate personal shock-value attacks on anyone they perceived to be “bad.”

Today, you can look at the way some people react to other popular so-called “problematic” ships and recognize the same toxic, fear-mongering rhetoric coming from women who consider themselves regular, trans-inclusive feminists. Sometimes it even manifests in the words of very well-meaning people (including myself here), who feel the need to talk about specific issues that pertain to their own experiences of trauma and oppression.

The people who shit on Labyrinth often seem to not really be able to comprehend that the Goblin King, like the film itself, is canonically a representation of a teen girl’s psyche, a soup of fears and anxieties and desires and dreams. He’s not a literal human adult preying on a literal child, and to read the film that way seriously undermines the entire point of the film. 

When I (and people of many fandoms) say “This is fiction, calm down,” I’m not just saying it’s not real so it cant hurt you and you can’t criticize me. I’m trying to call attention to what fiction actually is - artistic representations of feelings and experiences. The Goblin King is Sarah’s fiction. Therefore, he can be anything she or any woman who identifies with her wants him to be, including her lover when she’s grown and ready for such a thing.

I once took an alarming dive into Beetlejuice fandom to see what content was there (the cartoon was a favorite when I was little). Chillingly, what you’ll find is an extremely wounded fanbase, with a sharp divide between the older women who had long been shipping BJ/Lydia because of their love for the cartoon series (and whom were previously the vast majority of the Beetlejuice fandom), and a massive amount of young people riding the wave of the musical fad who had decided that the entire old school Beetlejuice fandom was populated by literal pedophiles. 

I saw death threats. Suicide baiting. Constant, constant toxic discourse. It did not matter how the BJ/Lydia fandom dealt with any particular issues that would exist in their ship, in fact I’m certain that the people abusing them cared very little to even consider if they were trying to handle it at all. The only thing that mattered was that they were disgusting subhuman scum asking for abuse. If you have at any time reblogged recent Beetlejuice fan art or content from fans of the musical, you have more than likely been engaging positively with the content of someone participating in toxic fandom behavior.

Nobody is really sticking up for them, either, as far as I saw. It’s really hard to imagine how painful it must be to have such a large group of people explode into into your relatively private fandom space to tell you that you are evil, vile, and deserve constant abuse, and also you are no longer allowed into the fandom space to engage in it’s content. But I think there’s something very alarming indeed about this happening specifically to the BJ fandom, and I’ll explain why. 

The pop-culture characterization of Beetlejuice, which is heavily influenced by the cartoon series to be clear, has always in my mind been a vaguely ageless being who matches with the psychological maturity of whatever age Lydia is supposed to be. He’s more or less like an imaginary friend, a manifestation of Lydia’s psyche. In fact, I would argue that i think most of us who grew up with the cartoon or it’s subsequent merchandizing before the musical ever existed probably internalized the idea as BJ and Lydia as this ageless, salt-and-pepper-shaker couple beloved by the goth community, similar to Gomez and Morticia. In each version of canon he may be a creepy ghost in the literal sense, but any adult who is capable of identifying literary tropes (even just subconciously) would read cartoon!BJ as an artistic representation of a socially awkward outcast girl’s inner world. Lydia’s darker dispositions and interests, which alienate her from most others, are freely accepted and embraced by her spooky magical friend. BJ/Lydia in the cartoon were depicted as best friends, but to my memory there was always an underlying sense that they had secret feelings for each other, which I identified easily even as a small child. In fact, their dynamic and behavior perfectly reflected the psychological development of the show’s target demographic. They are best friends who get into adventures and learning experiences together, who have delicate feelings for each other but lack any true adult romantic/sexual understanding to acknowledge those feelings, let alone pursue them.

Though I haven’t seen the Musical yet, I’ve read the wiki and I would argue that it embodies this exact same concept even more so for it’s own version of the characters, in that Beetlejuice specifically exists to help Lydia process her mother’s death.

This is not a complicated thing to recognize and comprehend whatsoever. In fact, it looks downright blatant. It’s also a clear indicator of what BJ/Lydia means to the women who have long loved it. It was a story about a spooky wierd girl being loved and accepted and understood for who she was, and it gave them a sense of solidarity. It makes perfect sense why those women would stick with those characters, and create a safe little space for themselves to and imagine their beloved characters growing and having adult lives and experiencing adult drama, in just the same ways that the women of the Labyrinth fandom do. That’s all these women were doing. And now, they can’t do it without facing intense verbal violence. That safe space is poisoned now.

Having grown up with the cartoon as one of my favorites and been around goth subculture stuff for decades, I was actually shocked and squicked at the original Beetlejuice film’s narrative once I actually saw it, because it was extremely divorced from what these two characters had evolved into for goth subculture and what they meant to me. It’s not telling the same story, and is in fact about the Maitland's specifically. In pretty much exactly the same way two different versions of Little Red Riding Hood can be extremely different from each other, the film is a different animal. While I imagine that the film version has been at the heart of a lot of this confused fear-mongering around all other versions of the characters, I would no more judge different adaptations of these characters any more than I would condemn a version of Little Red in which Red and the Wolf are best friends or lovers just because the very first iteration of LRRH was about protecting yourself from predators.

I would even argue that the people who have engaged in Anti-shipper behavior over BJ/Lydia are in intense denial over the fact that BJ being interested in Lydia, either as blatant predatory behavior a la the film or on a peer level as in the cartoon (and musical?) is an inextricable part of canon. Beetlejuice was always attracted to Lydia, and it was not always cute or amusing. Beetlejuice was not always a beloved buddy character, an in fact was originally written as a gross scumbag. That’s just what he was. Even people engaging with him now by writing OC girlfriends for him (as stand-ins for the salt-and-pepper-shaker space Lydia used to take up, because obviously that was part of the core fun of the characters), or just loving him as a character, are erasing parts of his character’s history in order to do so. They are actively refusing to be held responsible for being fans of new version of him despite the fact that he engaged in overt predatory behavior in the original film. In fact, I would venture to say that they are actively erasing the fact that Musical Beetliejuice tried to marry a teenager and as far as I’m aware, seemed to like the idea (because he’s probably a fucking figment of her imagination but go off I guess). The only reason they can have a version of this character who could be perceived as “buddy” material is because...the cartoon had an impact on our pop cultural perception of what the character and his dynamic with Lydia is. 

We can have a version of the Big Bad Wolf who’s a creepy monster. We can have a version who’s sweet and lovable. We can have a version that lives in the middle. We can have a version who’s a hybrid between Red and the Wolf (a la Ruby in OUAT). All of these things can exist in the same world, and can even be loved for different reasons by the same people.

I’ve been using Beetlejuice as an example here because it’s kind of perfect for my overall point regarding the toxic ideologies in fandom right now across many different spaces, including ones for progressive and queer media, and how much so many people don’t recognize how deeply they’ve been radicalized into literalist and sex-negative radfem rhetoric, to the point where we aren’t allowed to have difficult, messy explorations of imperfect, flawed humans, and that art is never going to be 100% pure and without flaw in it’s ability to convey what it wants to convey.

This includes the rhetoric I’ve seen across the board, from She-Ra to A:TLA to Star Wars to Lovecraft Country. We don’t talk about the inherent malleable, subjective, or charmingly imperfect nature of fiction any more. Transformation and reclamation are myths in this space. Everything is in rigid categories. It is seemingly very difficult for some of these people to engage with anything that is not able to be clearly labeled as one thing or another (see the inherent transphobic and biphobic elements of the most intense rhetoric). They destroy anything they cannot filter through their ideology. When women act in a way that breaks from their narrative of womanhood (like...not having a vagina), then those women must be condemned instead of understood. Anything that challenges them or makes them uncomfortable is a mortal sin. There is an extraordinary level of both hypocrisy and repressive denial that is underlying the behavior I’m seeing now. Much like toxic Christian conservatism, these people often are discovered engaging in the same behaviors and interests that they condemn behind closed doors (or just out of sheer cognitive dissonance). As an example, one of the people who talked shit to me about Labyrinth was a huge fan of Kill La Kill, which to my knowledge was an anime about a teenage girl in like, superpowered lingere (hence why I stayed the fuck away from that shit myself). Indeed, they even allow themselves plenty of leeway for behavior far worse than they condemn others for, and create support systems for the worst of their own abusers. 

Quite frankly, I’m tired. Instead of talking about theoretical problematic shit, we need to start talking about quantifiable harm. Because as far as I can tell, the most real, immediate, and quantifiable harm done because of anybody’s favorite ships or pieces of media seems to consistently be the kind that’s done to the people who experience verbal violence and abuse and manipulation and suicide baiting and death threats from the people who have a problem.

[justmenoworries]

Not Up For Interpretation - An Essay On Nonbinary - Erasure

(Trigger Warning: Misgendering, Transphobia, Nonbinary-phobia)

If you’ve been following me for a while, you probably know this was a long time coming. I’ve made several posts about my frustrations concerning this topic and how much it hurt me just how socially accepted erasing an entire identity still is. While representation marches on and things have become better for nonbinary people as a whole, we still battle with a lot of prejudice - both intentional and unintentional.

In this essay, I want to discuss just how our identities are being erased almost daily, why that is harmful and hurtful and what we all can do to change that.

Chapters:

What does Non-binary mean?

Nonbinary- representation in media

So what’s the problem?

How do we fix it?

1. What Does Non-binary Mean?

Non-binary is actually an umbrella term. It includes pretty much every gender-identity that’s neither one or the other so to speak, for example, agender.

Agender means feeling detachment from the gender spectrum in general. If you’re agender, you most likely feel a distance to the concept of gender as a whole, that it doesn’t define you as a person.

There are many identities that classify under non-binary: There’s gender-fluid (you feel you have a gender, but it’s not one gender specifically and can change), demi-gender (identifying as a gender partially, but not completely) and many others.

Sometimes, multiple non-binary identities can mix and match.

Most non-binary people use they/them pronouns, but like with so many things, it varies.

Some nonbinary-people (like me) go by two pairs of pronouns. I go by both she/her and they/them, because it’s what feels most comfortable at the moment. But who knows, maybe in the future I’ll switch to they/them exclusively or expand to he/him.

There is no one defining non-binary experience. Nb-people are just as varied and different as binary people, who go by one specific gender.

There are non-binary people who choose to go solely by she/her or he/him and that’s okay too. It doesn’t make them any more or less non-binary and their identity is still valid.

If your head’s buzzing a bit by now: That’s okay. It’s a complicated topic and no one expects you to understand all of it in one chapter of one essay.

Just know this: If a person identifies as non-binary, you should respect their decision and use the pronouns they go with.

It’s extremely hurtful to refer to someone who already told you that they use they/them pronouns with she/her or he/him, or use they/them to refer to a person who uses she/her.

Think about it like using a trans-person’s deadname: It’s rude, it’s harmful and it shows complete disrespect for the person.

Non-binary people have existed for a very long time. The concept isn’t new. The idea that there are only two genders, with every other identity being an aberration to the norm, is largely a western idea, spread through colonialism.

The Native American people use “Two-Spirit” to describe someone who identifies neither as a man nor a woman. The term itself is relatively new, but the concept of a third gender is deeply rooted in many Native American cultures.

(Author’s Note: If you are not Native American, please do not use it. That’s cultural appropriation.)

In India, the existence of a third gender has always been acknowledged and there are many terms specifically for people who don’t identify with the gender that was assigned to them at birth.

If you’re interested in learning more about non-binary history and non-binary identities around the world, I’d recommend visiting these websites:

https://nonbinary.wiki/wiki/History_of_nonbinary_gender

https://nonbinary.wiki/wiki/Gender-variant_identities_worldwide

https://thetempest.co/2020/02/01/history/the-history-of-nonbinary-genders-is-longer-than-you-think/

https://www.teenvogue.com/story/gender-variance-around-the-world

Also, maybe consider giving this book a try:

Nonbinary Gender Identities: History, Culture, Resources by Charlie Mcnabb

2. Non-binary Representation In Media

The representation of non-binary people in mainstream media hasn’t been... great, to put it mildly.

Representation, as we all know, is important.

Not only does it give minorities a chance to see themselves in media and feel heard and acknowledged. It also normalizes them.

For example, seeing a black Disney-princess was a huge deal for many black little girls, because they could finally say there was someone there who looked like them. They could see that being white wasn’t a necessity to be a Disney princess.

Seeing a canonically LGBT+ character in a children’s show teaches kids that love is love, no matter what gender you’re attracted to. At the same time, older LGBT+ viewers will see themselves validated and heard in a movie that features on-screen LGBT+ heroes.

There’s been some huge steps in the right direction in the last few years representation-wise.

Not only do we have more LGBT+ protagonists and characters in general, we’ve also begun to question and call out harmful or bigoted portrayals of the community in media, such as “Bury Your Gays” or the “Depraved Homosexual”.

With that being said: Let’s take a look at how Non-binary representation holds up in comparison, shall we?

This is Double Trouble, from the children’s show “She-Ra And The Princesses Of Power”.

They identify as non-binary and use they/them pronouns. They’re also  a slimy, duplicitous lizard-person who can change their shape at will.

Um, yeah.

Thanks, but no thanks.

Did I mention they’re also the only non-binary character in the entire show? And that they’re working with a genocidal dictator in most of the episodes they’re in?

Yikes.

Let’s look at another example.

These three (in order of appearance) are Stevonnie, Smoky Quartz and Shep. Three characters appearing in the kid’s show “Steven Universe” and it’s epilogue series “Steven Universe: Future”.

All of them identify as non-binary and use they/them as pronouns.

Stevonnie and Smoky Quartz are the result of a boy and a girl being fused together through weird alien magic.

Shep is a regular human, but they only appeared in one episode. In an epilogue series that only hardcore fans actually watched.

Well, I mean...

One out of three isn’t that bad, right?

Maybe we should pick an example from a series for older viewers.

Say hello to Doppelganger, a non-binary superhuman who goes by they/them, from the Amazon-series “The Boys”.

They’re working for a corrupt superhero-agency and use their power of shape-shifting to trick people who pose a threat to said agency into having sex with them. And then blackmail those people with footage of said sex.

....

Do I even need to say it?

If you’ve paid attention during the listing of these examples, you might have noticed a theme.

Namely that characters canonically identifying as non-binary are either

supernatural in some way, shape or form,

barely have a presence in the piece of media they’re in,

both.

Blink-and-you-miss-it-manner of representation aside, the majority of these characters fall squarely under what we call “Othering”.

“Othering” describes the practice of portraying minorities as supernatural creatures or otherwise inhuman. Or to say it bluntly: As “The Other”.

“Othering” is a pretty heinous method. Not only does it portray minorities as inherently abnormal and “different in a bad way”. It also goes directly against what representation is actually for: Normalizing.

As a general rule of thumb: If your piece of media has humans in it, but the only representation of non-white, non-straight people are explicitly inhuman... yeah, that’s bad.

So is there absolutely no positive representation for us out there?

Not quite.

As rare as human non-binary characters in media are to find, they do exist.

Here we have Bloodhound! A non-binary human hunter who uses they/them pronouns, from the game “Apex Legends”.

It’s been confirmed by the devs and the voice actress that they’re non-binary.

Nice!

These are Frisk (bottom) and Chara (top) from the game “Undertale”. While their exact gender identity hasn’t been disclosed, they both canonically use they/them pronouns, so it’s somewhere on the non-binary spectrum.

Two human children who act as the protagonist (Frisk) and antagonist (Chara), depending on how you play the game. (Interpretations vary on the antagonist/protagonist-thing, to say the least.)

Cool!

......

And, yep, that’s it.

As my little demonstration here showed, non-binary representation in media is rare. Good non-binary representation is even rarer.

Which is why those small examples of genuinely good representation are so important to the Non-binary community!

It’s hard enough to have to prove you exist. It’s even harder to prove your existence is not abnormal or unnatural.

If you’d like to further educate yourself on representation, it’s impact on society and why it matters, perhaps take a second to read through these articles:

https://www.criticalhit.net/opinion/representation-media-matters/

https://www.pbs.org/newshour/arts/why-on-screen-representation-matters-according-to-these-teens

https://jperkel.github.io/sciwridiversity2020/

https://www.forbes.com/sites/quora/2019/05/22/why-is-equal-representation-in-media-important/?sh=25f2ccc92a84

https://www.theodysseyonline.com/why-representation-the-media-matters

3. So What’s The Problem?

The problem, as is the case with so many things in the world, is prejudice.

Actually, that’s not true.

There’s not a problem, there are multiple problems. And their names are prejudice, ignorance and bigotry.

Remember how I said human non-binary representation is rare?

Yeah, very often media-fans don’t help.

Let’s take for example, the aforementioned Frisk and Chara from “Undertale”.

Despite the game explicitly using they/them to refer to both characters multiple times, the majority of players somehow got it into their heads that Frisk’s and Chara’s gender was “up for interpretation”.

There is a huge amount of fan art straight-up misgendering both characters and portraying them as binary and using only he/him or she/her pronouns.

The most egregious examples are two massively popular fan-animated web shows: “Glitchtale”, by Camila Cuevas and “Underverse” by Jael Peñaloza.

Both series are very beloved by the Undertale-fanbase and even outside of it. Meaning for many people, those two shows might be their first introduction to “Undertale” and it’s two non-binary human characters.

Take a wild guess what both Camila and Jael did with Frisk and Chara.

Underverse, X-Tale IV:

(Transcript: “Frisk lied to me in the worst possible way... I... I will never forgive him.”)

Underverse, X-Tale V:

(Transcript: “I-It’s Chara... and it’s a BOY.”)

Glitchtale, My Promise:

(Transcript: (Referring to Frisk) “I’m not scared of an angry boy anymore.”)

Glitchtale, Game Over Part 1:

(Transcript: (Referring to Chara) “It’s ok little boy.”)

This... this isn’t okay.

Not only do both of these pieces of fan-art misgender two non-binary characters, the creators knew beforehand that Frisk and Chara use they/them-pronouns, but made the conscious choice to ignore that.

To be fair, in a video discussing “Underverse”, Jael said that only X-Tale Frisk and Chara, the characters you see in the Underverse-examples above, are male, while the characters Frisk and Chara from the main game remained non-binary and used they/them (time-stamp 10:34).

Still, that doesn’t erase the fact that Jael made up alternate versions of two non-binary characters specifically to turn them male. Or that, while addressing the issue, Jael was incredibly dismissive and even mocked the people who felt hurt by her turning two non-binary characters male. Jael also went on to make a fairly non-binary-phobic joke in the video, in which she equated gender identities beyond male and female to identifying as an object.

Jael (translated): “I don’t care if people say the original Frisk and Chara are male, female, helicopters, chairs, dogs or cats, buildings, clouds...”

That’s actually a very common joke among transphobes, if not to say the transphobe-joke:

“Oh, you identify as X? Well then I identify as an attack helicopter!”

If you’re trans, chances are you’ve heard this one, or a variation of it, a million times before.

I certainly have.

I didn’t laugh then and I’m not laughing now.

(Author’s note: I might be angry at both of them for what they did, but I do not, under any circumstances, support the harassment of creators. If you’re thinking about sending either Jael or Camila hate-mail - don’t. It won’t help.)

Jael’s reaction is sadly common in the Undertale fandom. Anyone speaking up against Chara’s and Frisk’s identity being erased is immediately bludgeoned with the “up for interpretation”-argument, despite that not once being the case in the game.

And even with people who do it right and portray Frisk and Chara as they/them, you’ll have dozens of commenters swarming the work with sentences among the lines of “Oh but I think Frisk is a boy/girl! And Chara is a girl/boy!”

By the way, this kind of thing only happens to Frisk and Chara.

Every other character in “Undertale” is referred to and portrayed with their proper pronouns of she/her or he/him.

But not the characters who go by they/them.

Their gender is “up for interpretation”.

Because obviously, their identity couldn’t possibly be canonically non-binary.

Sadly, Frisk and Chara are not alone in this.

Remember Bloodhound?

And how I said they’d been confirmed as non-binary and using they/them pronouns by both the creators and the voice actress?

It seems for many players, that too translated to “up for interpretation”.

(Transcript: “does it matter what they call him? He, her, it, they toaster oven, it doesn’t matter”)

(Transcript: “I’m like 90 % sure Bloodhound is a dude because he could just sound like a girl and by their age that I’m assuming looks around 10-12 because I’ve known many males who have sounded like a female when they were younger”)

(Transcript: “I don’t care it will always be a He. F*ck that non-binary bullsh*t.”)

(Transcript: “Bloodhound is clearly female.”)

(Transcript: “I’m not calling a video game character they/them”)

(Transcript: “exactly. The face was never fully shown neither was the gender so I’d say it means that the player is Bloodhound. So it’s your gender and you refer to “him” as yourself. It’s like a self insertion in my eyes.”)

So, let me get this straight:

If a character, even a player character, uses she/her or he/him, you can accept it, no questions asked.

But when a character uses they/them, suddenly their identity and gender are “up for interpretation”?

This attitude is also widely prevalent in real life.

Many languages only include pronouns for men and women, with no third option available. Non-binary people are often forced to make up their own terms, because their language doesn’t provide one.

Non-binary people often don’t fit within other people’s ideas of gender, so they get excluded altogether. Worse, non-binary people are often the victims of misgendering, denial of their identity or even straight-up violence when coming out.

People will often tell us that we look like a certain gender, so we should only use one set of gendered pronouns. Never mind that that’s not what we want. Never mind that that’s not who we are.

Non-binary people are also largely omitted from legal documentation and studies. We cannot identify as non-binary at our workplace, because using they/them pronouns is considered “unprofessional”. We don’t have our own bathrooms like men and women do. Our gender is seen as less valid than male and female, so even that basic thing is denied to us. I’ve had to use the women’s restroom my entire life, because if I go into a male restroom, I’ll be yelled at or made fun off or simply get told I took the wrong door. It’s extremely uncomfortable for me and I wish I didn’t have to do it.

And since non-binary people aren’t seen as “real transgender-people”, we often don’t receive the medical care we need. This often renders us unable to feel good within our bodies, because the treatment and help we get is wildly inadequate.

It’s especially horrible for intersex people (people who are born with sex characteristics that don’t fit solely into the male/female category) who are often forced to change their bodies to fit within the male/female gender binary.

And you better believe each of those problems is increased ten-fold for non-binary people of color.

We are ignored and dismissed as “confused”, because of who we are.

Representation is a way for Non-binary people to show the world they exist, that they’re here and that they too have stories to tell.

But how can we, when every character that represents us is either othered, barely there or gets taken away from us?

We are not “up for interpretation”.

Neither are the characters in media who share our identity.

And it’s time to stop pretending we ever were.

For more information about Non-Binary Erasure and how harmful it is, you can check out these articles:

https://everydayfeminism.com/2015/08/common-non-binary-erasure/

https://www.dailydot.com/irl/nonbinary-people-racism/

https://nonbinary.wiki/wiki/Nonbinary_erasure

https://traj.openlibhums.org/articles/10.16995/traj.422/

https://medium.com/an-injustice/everyday-acts-of-non-binary-erasure-49ee970654fb

https://medium.com/national-center-for-institutional-diversity/the-invisible-labor-of-liberating-non-binary-identities-in-higher-education-3f75315870ec

https://musingsofanacademicasexual.wordpress.com/2015/05/11/dear-sirmadam-a-commentary-on-non-binary-erasure/

4. How Do We Fix It?

Well, first things first: Stop acting like we don’t exist.

And kindly stop other people from doing it too.

We are a part of the LGBT+ community and we deserve to be acknowledged, no matter what our pronouns are.

Address non-binary people with the right pronouns. Don’t argue with them about their identity, don’t comment on how much you think they look like a boy or a girl. Just accept them and be respectful.

If a non-binary person tells you they have two sets of pronouns, for example he/him and they/them, don’t just use one set of pronouns. That can come off as disingenuous. Alternate between the pronouns, don’t leave one or the other out. It’ll probably be hard at first, but if you keep it up, you’ll get used to it pretty quickly.

If you’re witnessing someone harass a non-binary person over their identity, step in and help them.

And please, don’t partake in non-binary erasure in media fandoms.

Don’t misgender non-binary characters, don’t “speculate” on what you think their gender might be. You already know their gender and it’s non-binary. It costs exactly 0 $ to be a decent human being and accept that.

Support Non-Binary people by educating yourself about them and helping to normalize and integrate their identity.

In fact, here’s a list of petitions, organizations and articles who will help you do just that:

https://www.change.org/p/collegeboard-let-students-use-their-preferred-name-on-collegeboard-9abad81a-0fdf-435c-8fca-fe24a5df6cc7?source_location=topic_page

6 Ways to Support Your Non-Binary Child

7 Non-Negotiables for Supporting Trans & Non-Binary Students in Your Classroom

If Your Partner Just Came Out As Non-Binary, Here’s How To Support Them

How to Support Your Non-Binary Employees, Colleagues and Friends

Ko-fi page for the Nonbinary Wiki

The Sylvia Rivera Project, an organization who aims to give low-income and non-white transgender, intersex and non-binary people a voice

The Anti Violence Project “empowers lesbian, gay, bisexual, transgender, queer, and HIV-affected communities and allies to end all forms of violence through organizing and education, and supports survivors through counseling and advocacy."

The Trans Lifeline, a hotline for transgender people by transgender people

Tl:DR: Non-Binary representation is important. Non-Binary people still suffer from society at large not acknowledging our existence and forcing us to conform. Don’t be part of that problem by taking away what little representation we have. Educate yourself and do better instead. We deserve to be seen and heard.

[itsclydebitches]

Holy cow I recommend not listening to the RWBY commentaries. I did it as I was starting a large-scale fanfic project to see if there was any worldbuilding details they would mention and there's not a lot, but it did make it transparently obvious how little planning for payoff is done: in Volume 1 they say "keep an eye on cardin winchester in the future" as if his only appearances after that aren't getting beaten up by Pyrrha, showing up in a crowd in v3, and then just VANISHING FOREVER

Side comment: whenever I hear people talking nonsense about how no one would do anything ever if given the opportunity (like, for example, in conversations about universal basic income), I think of casual statements like yours. I just started watching large amounts of supplementary material for an idea or two in an equally large project that I will then gift to the world for free! Absolutely awesome, you funky little writer. 

Anyway, back to the actual topic lol. Sometimes (not always, but sometimes) I’m frustrated less with the problems in RWBY and more with how those problems are presented by both the writers and the fandom. Lots of stories drop ideas or characters depending on what the story needs moving forward. Sometimes the reason is fairly obvious to the audience (such as in Glynda’s case), other times not, but if the writers were to simply acknowledge that their focus changed... that’s okay. Audiences, on the whole, are more forgiving than certain corners of the internet might make one assume! But RT, from what I’ve personally observed, works very hard to present their story as this nearly flawless, carefully thought out piece. Rarely do we hear, “Oh yeah, we just forgot that detail, sorry” or “We’re not sure yet if Cardin will stick around, but we’re looking forward to finding out.” Everything has an explanation  — even if it doesn’t make sense. Everything is intentional and neatly planned  — even when it’s not. When problems in the story are acknowledged it’s because the animators did something, or the social media team did something. It’s definitely not because those creators are working off information the writers have provided about the characters and their world. The construction of the story itself is never at fault, only others’ interpretation of it. 

Similarly, many in the fandom push this idealized image of the writers as perfect masters of their craft who are incapable of messing up. If something seems badly written now, it’s only because we’re still waiting for payoff (and that wait is always extended up until RWBY ends. Even then, I suspect that many will begin insisting that RT deliberately saved material for the next book, next comic, an upcoming podcast, etc. The fact that they may have dropped an important plot thread is not a possibility). If something still doesn’t make sense, it’s because you’re too stupid to understand it. The narrative of the genius RT combined with RT’s own confidence makes for a series that’s much harder to enjoy. I was more forgiving of RWBY back in the early Volumes partly because the story and the company were presented as just having a fun, silly time. Which isn’t to say we can’t/shouldn’t still criticize that approach when the story is trying to tackle something like racism, but it’s still a far cry from what we’re dealing with now. Now, RT is no longer a tiny, independent company doing their best with few resources. Now, they make big claims about their planning and the expected quality of their work. Now, we’ve got a fandom pushing the idea that there’s deep, intricate meaning behind every choice. So when on both sides people are encouraging the audience to treat this show seriously... people will treat the show seriously. And the show comes out wanting. The writers and fandom cannot tell us that there are plans for these characters, that there’s meaning behind every detail... and then not weather the pushback when those things turn out to be false. On the flipside, you can’t continue to make those claims and then when someone criticizes the show’s execution, argue that we’re taking it too seriously. RWBY is a well thought out, deeply moving, innovative, progressive, intensely complex show... provided you ignore the endless inconsistencies, offensive content, and unclear messages. RWBY, in reality, is an incredibly flawed show, to the point where it would benefit massively by the writers not taking it too seriously, thus encouraging the fandom to do the same. It’s just wild fantasy kids fighting monsters! But they introduced incredibly sensitive subject matter, constantly talk up their work, and the community has spent years building this narrative of the epic, stunningly crafted story, to the point where people are outright attacked for saying, “Hey, I think they messed up here.” You can’t have all that and push back with, “It’s just a fantasy show, get a life and stop taking it so seriously!” 

I mean, Oscar and Cardin are the examples we’ve been discussing... but post-Volume 8 my mind keeps coming back to Penny. They gave us a character who functioned as a queer/neurodivergent/trans allegory, building off of a long history of that work in science fiction, only to erase her difference and then kill her off for a second time. She had an incredibly close relationship with the main protagonist in a show that is still in desperate need of queer rep. She was murdered the first time and died via an assisted suicide the second time around. Throughout all this, her themes were personal agency, others controlling her, criticism of military personnel, and the general concept of what it means to “really” be human. That’s a lot... and it’s a lot to mess up too. Forgetting about the generic, archetypal bully is fine. Messing up a main character to the extent that it hurts the title character too is a problem. But situations like Penny’s are on another level altogether. RWBY is far past the point of being a tiny indie show doing simple, silly things for the cool visuals. They had a contentious character slit the throat of a minority allegory begging to die so she can, supposedly, control one thing in her life. That’s not “rule of cool” content you just shrug and laugh off. RT wants us to take their content seriously. The fandom, when it suits them, wants us to take the content seriously. The flipside to this desire is that when people take your work seriously... they may come to the conclusion that it was poorly done. 

[geshertzarmeod]

Favorite Books of 2020

I wanted to put together a list! I read 74 new books this year, and I keep track of that on Goodreads - feel free to add or follow me if you want to see everything! I’m going to focus on the highlights, and the books that stuck with me personally in one way or another, in approximate order. Also, all but two of them (#5 and #7 on the honorable mention list) are queer/trans in some way. Links are to Goodreads, but if you’re looking to get the books, I suggest your library, the Libby app using your library, your local bookstore, or Bookshop.

The Faggots & Their Friends Between Revolutions by Larry Mitchell, illus. by Ned Asta (originally published 1977). I had a hard beginning of the year and was in a work environment where my queerness was just not welcomed or wanted. I read this in the middle of all of that, and it helped me so much. I took this book with me everywhere. I read it on planes. I read it on the bus, and on trains, and at shul. I showed it to friends... sometimes at shul, or professional development conferences. It healed my soul. Now I can’t find it and might get a new copy. When I reviewed it, in February, I wrote: “I think we all need this book right now, but I really needed this book right now. Wow. This book is magic, and brings back a sense of magic and beauty to my relationship with the world.” Also I bought my copy last July, in a gay bookstore on Castro St. in SF, and that in itself is just beautiful to me. (Here’s a post I made with some excerpts)

Once & Future duology, especially the sequel, Sword in the Stars, by A.R. Capetta and Cory McCarthy. Cis pansexual female King Arthur Ari Helix (she's the 42nd reincarnation and the first female one) in futuristic space with Arab ancestry (but like, from a planet where people from that area of earth migrated to because, futuristic space) works to end Future Evil Amazon.com Space Empire with her found family with a token straight cis man and token white person. Merlin is backwards-aging so he's a gay teenager with a crush and thousands of years of baggage. The book’s entire basis is found family, and it's got King Arthur in space. And the sequel hijacks the original myth and says “fuck you pop culture, it was whitewashed and straightwashed, there were queer and trans people of color and strong women there the whole time.” Which is like, my favorite thing to find in media, and a big part of why I love Xena so much. It’s like revisionist history to make it better except it’s actually probably true in ways. Anyway please read these books but also be prepared for an absolutely absurd and wild ride. Full disclosure though, I didn’t love the first book so much, it’s worth it for the sequel!

The Wicker King by K. Ancrum. This book hurt. It still hurts. But it was so good. It took me on a whole journey, and brought me to my destination just like it intended the whole time. The author’s note at the end made me cry! The sheer NEED from this book, the way the main relationship develops and shifts, and how you PERCEIVE the main relationship develops and shifts. I’m in awe of Ancrum’s writing. If you like your ships feral and needy and desperate and wanting and D/S vibes and lowkey super unhealthy but with the potential, with work, to become healthy and beautiful and right, read this book. This might be another one to check trigger warnings for though.

The Entirety of The Daevabad Trilogy by S.A. Chakraborty. I hadn’t heard of this series until this year, when a good friend recommended it to me. It filled the black hole in me left by Harry Potter. The political and mystical/fantasy world building is just *chef’s kiss* - the complexity! The morally grey, everyone’s-done-awful-things-but-some-people-are-still-trying-to-do-good tapestry! The ROMANCE oh my GOD the romance. If I’m absolutely fully invested in a heterosexual romance you know a book is good, but also this book had background (and then later less background) queer characters! And the DRAMA!!! The third book went in a direction that felt a little out of nowhere but honestly I loved the ride. I stayed up until 6am multiple times reading this series and I’d do it again.

An Unkindness of Ghosts by Rivers Solomon. I loved this book so much that it’s the only book I reviewed on my basically abandoned attempt at a book blog. This book is haunting, horrifying, disturbing, dark, but so, so good. The character's voices were so specific and clear, the relationships so clearly affected by circumstance and yet loving in the ways they could be. This is my favorite portrayal of gender maybe ever, it’s just... I don’t even have the words but I saw a post @audible-smiles​ made about it that’s been rattling in my head since. And, “you gender-malcontent. You otherling,” as tender pillow talk??? Be still my heart. Be ready, though, this book has all the triggers.. it’s a .

Felix Ever After by Kacen Callender. This book called me out on my perspective on love. Also, it made me cry a lot. And it has two different interesting well-written romance storylines. And a realistic coming-into-identity narrative about a Black trans demiboy. And a nuanced discussion of college plans and what one might do after college. And some big beautiful romcom moments. I wish I had it in high school. I’m so glad I have it now! (trigger warning for transphobia & outing, but the people responsible are held accountable by the end, always treated as not okay by the narrative, and the MC’s friends, and like... this is ownvoices and it’s GOOD.)

The Starless Sea by Erin Morgenstern. My Goodreads review says, “I have no idea what happened, and I loved it.” That’s not wrong, but to delve deeper, this book has an ethereal feeling that you get wrapped up in while reading. Nothing makes sense but that’s just as it should be. You’re hooked. It is so atmospheric, so meta, so fascinating. I’ve seen so many people say they interpreted this character or that part or the ending in all different ways and it all makes sense. And it’s all of this with a gay main character and romance and the central theme, the central pillar being a love of and devotion to stories. Of course I was going to love it.

Fierce Femmes and Notorious Liars: A Dangerous Trans Girl’s Confabulous Memoir by Kai Cheng Thom. “Because maybe what really matters isn’t whether something is true, or false. Maybe what matters is the story itself; what kinds of doors it opens, what kinds of dreams it brings.” This book was so good and paradigm shifting. It reminded me of #1 on this list in the way it turns real life experience and hard, tragic ones at that (in this case, of being a trans girl of color who leaves home and tries to make a life for herself in the city, with its violence), into a beautiful, haunting fable. Once upon a time.

I Wish You All the Best by Mason Deaver. I need to reread this book, as I read it during my most tranceful time of 2020 and didn’t write a review, so I forgot a lot. What I do remember is beautiful and important nonbinary representation, a really cute romance, an interesting parental and familial/sibling dynamic that was both heartbreaking and hopeful, and an on-page therapy storyline. Also Mason Deaver just left twitter but was an absolutely hilarious troll on it before leaving and I appreciate that (and they just published a Christmas novella that I have but haven’t read yet!)

The Truth Is by NoNieqa Ramos. It took a long time to trust this book but I’m so glad I did. It’s raw and real and full of grief and trauma (trigger warnings, that I remember, for grief, death (before beginning of book), and gun violence). The protagonist is flawed and gets to grow over the course of the book, and find her own place, and learn from the people around her, while they also learn to understand her and where she’s coming from. It’s got a gritty, harsh, and important portrayal of found family, messy queerness, and some breathtaking quotes. When I was 82% through this book I posted this update: “This book has addressed almost all of my initial hesitations, and managed to complicate itself beautifully.”

Anger is a Gift by Mark Oshiro.  I wasn’t actually in the best mental health place to read this book when I did (didn’t quite understand what it was) but it definitely reminded me of what there is to fight against and to fight for, and broke my heart, and nudged me a bit closer to hope. The naturally diverse cast of characters was one of the best parts of this book. The romance is so sweet and tender and then so painful. This book is important and well-written but read it with caution and trigger warnings - it’s about grief and trauma and racism and police brutality, but also about love and community.

The Prey of Gods by Nicky Drayden.  This is a sci-fi/fantasy/specfic mashup that takes place in near-future South Africa and has world-building myths with gods and demigoddesses and a trip to the world of the dead but also a genetically altered hallucinogenic drug that turns people into giant animals and a robot uprising and a political campaign and a transgender pop star and a m/m couple and all of them are connected. It’s bonkers. Like, so, so absolutely mind-breaking weird. And I loved it.

Crier’s War and Iron Heart by Nina Varela.  I absolutely LOVE LOVE LOVED the amount of folktales they told each other with queer romances as integral to those stories, especially in Iron Heart. A conversation between the two leads where Crier says she wants to read Ayla like a book, and Ayla says she’s not a book, and Crier explains all the different ways she wants to know Ayla, like a person, and wants to deserve to know her like a person, made me weak. It lives in my head rent-free.

Queen’s Shadow by E.K. Johnston @ekjohnston . I listened to this book on Libby and then immediately listened to it at least one more time, maybe twice, before my borrow time ran out. I love Padmé, and just always wish that female Star Wars characters got more focus and attention and this book gave me that!! And queer handmaidens! And the implication that Sabé is in love with Padmé and that’s just something that will always be true and she will always be devoted and also will make her own life anyway. And the Star Wars audiobooks being recorded the way they are with background sounds and music means it feels like watching a really long detailed beautiful Star Wars movie just about Padmé and her handmaidens.

Sissy: A Coming of Gender Story by Jacob Tobia. I needed to read this. The way Tobia talks about their experience of gender within the contexts of college, college leadership, and career, hit home. I kept trying to highlight several pages in a row on my kindle so I could go back and read them after it got returned to the library (sadly it didn’t work - it cuts off highlights after a certain number of characters). The way they talk about TOKENISM they way they talk about the responsibilities of the interviewer when an interviewee holds marginalized identities especially when no one else in the room does!!! Ahhhh!!!

Bonds of Brass by Emily Skrutskie. Disclaimer for this one that the author was rightfully criticized for writing a Black main character as a white author (and how the story ended up playing into some fucked up stuff that I can’t really unpack without spoiling). But also, the author has been working to move forward knowing she can’t change the past, has donated her proceeds, and this book is really good? It has all the fanfic tropes, so much delicious tension, a totally unexpected plot twist that had me immediately rereading the book. This book was super fun and also kind of just really really good Star Wars fanfiction.

How To Be a Normal Person by T.J. Klune. This book was so sweet, and cute, and hopeful, and both ridiculous and so real. I had some trouble getting used to Gus’ voice and internal monologue, but I got into it and then loved every bit after. The ace rep is something I’ve never seen like this before (and have barely read any ace books but still this was so fleshed out and well rounded and not just like, ‘they’re obsessed with swords not sex’ - looking at you, Once & Future - and leaving it there.) This all felt like a slice of life and I feel like I learned about people while reading it. Some of the moments are so, so funny, some are vaguely devastating. I have been personally victimized by TJ Klune for how he ends this book (a joke, you will know once you read it) but it also reminds me of the end of the “You Are There” episode of Xena and we all know what the answer to that question was.... and I choose to believe the answer here was similar.

You Should See Me in a Crown by Leah Johnson. I wish I had this book when I was in high school. I honestly have complicated feelings about prom and haven’t really been seeking out contemporary YA so I was hesitant to read this but it was so good and so well-written, and had a lot of depth to it. The movie (and Broadway show) “The Prom” wants what this book has.

Plain Bad Heroines by Emily M. Danforth. I never read horror books, so this was a new thing for me. I loved the feeling of this book, the way I felt fully immersed. I loved how entirely queer it was. I was interested in the characters and the relationships, even though we didn’t have a full chance to go super deep into any one person but rather saw the connections between everyone and the way the stories matched up with each other. I just wanted a bit of a more satisfying ending.

Honorable Mention: reread in 2020 but read for the first time pre-2020

Red White & Royal Blue by Casey McQuiston. I couldn’t make this post without mentioning this book. It got me through this year. I love this book so much; I think of this book all the time. This book made me want to find love for myself. You’ve all heard about it enough but if you haven’t read this book what are you DOING.

In Other Lands by Sarah Rees Brennan @sarahreesbrennan​ . I reread this one over and over too, both as text and as an audiobook. I went for walks when I had lost my earbuds and had Elliott screaming about an elf brothel loudly playing and got weird looks from someone walking their dog. I love this book so much. It’s just so fun, and so healing to read a book reminiscent of all the fantasies I read as a kid, but with a bi main character and a deconstruction of patriarchy and making fun of the genre a bit. Also, idiots to lovers is a great trope and it’s definitely in this book.

Aristotle and Dante Discover the Secrets of the Universe by Benjamin Alire Sáenz. This book is forever so important to me. I am always drawn in by how tenderly Sáenz portrays his characters. These boys. These boys and their parents. I love them. I love them so much. This is another one where I don’t even know what to say. I have more than 30 pages in my tag for this book. I have “arda” set as a keyboard shortcut on my phone and laptop to turn into the full title. This book saved my life.

Last Night I Sang to the Monster by Benjamin Alire Sáenz. This book hurts to read - it’s a story about trauma, about working through that trauma, healing enough to be ready to hold the worst memories, healing enough to move through the pain and start to make a life. It’s about found family and love and pain and I love it. It’s cathartic. And it’s a little bit quietly queer in a beautiful way, but that’s not the focus. Look up trigger warnings (they kind of are spoilery so I won’t say them here but if you have the potential to be triggered please look them up or ask me before reading)

Ella Enchanted by Gail Carson Levine.  When asked what my all time favorite book is, it’s usually this one. Gail Carson Levine has been doing live readings at 11am since the beginning of the pandemic shut down in the US, and the first book she read was Ella Enchanted. I’ve been slowly reading it to @mssarahpearl and am just so glad still that it has the ability to draw me in and calm me down and feels like home after all this time. This book is about agency. I love it.

Radio Silence by Alice Oseman @chronicintrovert . I’ve had this on my all-time-faves list since I read it a few years ago and ended up rereading it this year before sending a gift copy to a friend, so I could write little notes in it. It felt a little different reading it this time - as I get further away from being a teenager myself, the character voice this book is written in takes a little longer to get used to, but it’s so authentic and earnest and I love it. I absolutely adore this book about platonic love and found family and fandom and mental illness and abuse and ace identity and queerness and self-determination, especially around college and career choices. Ahhh. Thank you Alice Oseman!!!

Leia: Princess of Alderaan by Claudia Gray @claudiagray​ . I have this one on audible and reread it several times this year. I love the fleshing out of Leia’s story before the original trilogy, I love her having had a relationship before Han, and the way it would have affected her perspective. I also am intrigued by the way it analyses the choices the early rebellion had to make... I just, I love all the female focused new Star Wars content and the complexity being brought to the rebellion.

[telehxhtrash]

I know its a big debate but I am not a dudebro for thinking killua and gon are platonic. I have no problem with people who do at all, but I honestly just think they have a strong friendship, and I am for encouraging boys to have these types of bonds with each other ~screw toxic masculinity~ I like following your blog btw

Hi ! First of all, thank you for liking my blog! I’m glad you’re enjoying my content even though I’m killugon trash HAHAH

Oh lord, it really is a big debate. I’m not calling everyone who doesnt like a romantic reading of killugon a dudebro, only the people who are vehemently against it because they say people are projecting and that there is no basis to our claims that hxh is queer work.

This is gonna be me ranting for a bit because it’s a subject that’s very dear to me so i’m very sorry in advance, it’s not against you, just a general statement !

I totally agree that fuck toxic masculinity. It’s so fucking toxic and men should be allowed to show emotions, affection and care openly without fearing for repercussions. And having portrayals of friendships where the characters are not afraid of sharing their love with the other in a totally platonic way is amazing.

However. 

There’s been countless representations of this type of relationship in media over the years. In every media, not only anime. I always cite the same example, but take Naruto who is the example that speaks to me the most. (ive never seen it so dont flame me if i say dumb shit). But from my understanding, Naruto and Sasuke’s relationship was a full on middle finger in the face of toxic masculinity. They shared a deep bond, pretty much like Killua and Gon’s. I know a lot of people shipped them because their relationship was borderline homoerotic, but in the end it was just a beautiful representation of a very deep platonic friendship. 

And when you’re queer, it’s heartbreaking. Because you’ve been projecting this entire time, for the work to tease you, to literally bait you into showing you inherent queer behavior only for it to say “haha lol jk” at the end is fucking rough. Especially when you’re young and questioning your sexuality, looking at relationships between two best friends and thinking “oh, this feels like I feel when I’m with my best friend, is this romantic love?” and then the work saying nope haha its purely platonic ! its rough. trust me. 

The community doesn’t have a lot of positive, healthy queer relationships to identify with. Especially in anime. Most queer relationships are labeled under the special genres “shounen ai” and “yuri” (both of these categories painting queer relationships in the worst possible ways ever btw, but thats a whole other subject). But it’s fucking sad. Because we deserve to see queer representation in works that are not classified as those genre. We shouldn’t have to dig into a particular genre to identify with characters : there should be queer representation no matter the genre, whether it be a shoujo, a seinen, or for example, a shounen battle manga.

And that’s why HxH is so important to the queer community. Because it displays just that. That you can have good queer representation in non shounen-ai genres. That queer relationships are normal and should not have to be classified under a certain category. 

A lot of queer people identify and recognize HxH as queer work, because of a few reasons. Togashi has always been interested in queer representation, having put queer characters in every single one of his works. There was a trans girl in YYH, a trans man in Level E, Alluka in HxH. Togashi also wrote several gay characters in both of these works. I always repeat myself on this, but Togashi also wanted to write a gay sports manga, but was turned down. His favorite manga when he was younger was a shounen-ai. So yes, Togashi has deep history and is very involved in queer representation.

Togashi is also very fucking smart. Just look at all the metas people are producing every day about hxh and understand how much effort togashi has put into his work : he’s a smart man, who makes conscious choices about everything he puts in his manga. So when you see the way he portrayed Killua and Gon’s relationship, and for now most importantly Killua, you know it’s not accidental. Togashi has put SO much subtext in his work about Killua in general, from his birthday being Tanabata to him wanting to commit a lovers’ suicide with Gon, and Togashi KNOWS how it comes across, he’s not dumb. He knows what those things mean, he knows that a shinjuu is a heavily connotated word, and that people, ESPECIALLY JAPANESE PEOPLE who have the cultural context, are gonna think “oh, maybe Killua is gay”. Because that subtext is intentional. And there’s a lot of it. If you haven’t read my post on the subtext of HxH, I invite you to do so because there’s a LOT of it. 

In short, HxH has the subtext, has the potential and has the one author that is not afraid of putting queer stuff in his work. That’s why Killugon is so important to the community, and that’s why a lot of people, especially queer folks, insist on the romantic reading of their relationship. 

Because it’s extremely important to queer people. Positive representation of queer relationships in anime is hard to come by, ESPECIALLY in the shounen genre. And sadly, because our society is drowning in deep internalized homophobia, people easily dismiss queer behavior in media as platonic actions.

How many times have I seen people assess that two people of opposite genders in an anime are in love only because they looked at each other once (take Ponzu and Pokkle for example). Or because they held hands. Our society is so quick to romanticize interactions between two people of different genders, but fail to do the same when it’s same-gender pairings. 

Straight people hand holding, kissing, blushing around each other, admitting their love out loud, looking at each other’s eyes deeply are immediately categorized as in love. But when it’s people of the same gender, people immediately say “it can be platonic”. And whether you’re aware of it or not, that’s internalized homophobia.

That’s why it’s infuriating to see people dismiss the subtext that Togashi has tried SO HARD to plant throughout his story. Because it’s there, and if Killua was a girl, there’d be way less people opposed to a romantic reading of their relationship. Because it’d be widely accepted that Togashi is writing them as a developing couple, no questions asked. 

Which brings me to my final point (promise, I’ll stop ranting after this). Sadly, the voices of the people who assert a platonic reading of a relationship are often louder than the voices of queer people who identify with the work. When confronted with an ambiguous relationship between a same-gender pairing, people unconsciously tend to choose a platonic reading of the relationship. Which is harmful to the queer community, because the voices of the queer people who identify with the work are silenced. 

In conclusion, yes, representations of deep platonic friendships without toxic masculinity are good, and very much encouraged. We’ve just had a shitton of those over the years, and queer people are craving for proper representation. Togashi is deeply invested in positive queer representation, has planted a lot of conscious subtext in HxH, and he’s the one author that would NOT queerbait. So people being insistent that Killua is pretty much canonically gay, and that it’s likely that Killugon will be a romantic pairing is not for the sake of mindless shipping. It’s because there are a lot of reasons to believe that this is Togashi’s intention.

And like I said, sadly, people insisting on a platonic reading of their relationship is unintentionally harmful to the queer community, because people are so quick to dismiss elements that make queer people identify with the work as platonic behavior, dismissing queer people as “wishful shippers”. 

There are plenty of reasons to believe that HxH is queer work, and while platonic readings of killugon’s relationship are valid, it sucks that it’s become overbearing in the anime community, to the point where outside of tumblr, people literally bully you for thinking that there’s a possibility Killua might be gay and in love with Gon. (trust me, i’ve faced a lot of people saying that it’s disgusting to label killua as gay)

So yes ! Killugon can be read as platonic. The queer community is just very adamant about people not dismissing Togashi’s subtext because HxH is the healthy, positive representation we need. It’s a beautiful piece of work that has the full potential (and who is most likely headed this way) to display a healthy, loving, positive canon gay relationship between two of its main characters. 

Showing that a shounen battle manga can feature a canon gay relationship, showing that you can be young and gay and what you thought was best friend behavior was maybe romantic and that it’s okay because feelings change and are hard to figure out especially when you’re young and queer !! 

And most importantly showing that unlike every portrayal of deep male best friends relationships in shounen anime that turn out to be painted as purely platonic, sometimes behaviors that queer people identify with ARE queer behavior, and not just platonic love, but romantic, homosexual love. 

[vampish-glamour]

Preferably, only LGBT people would portray LGBT characters because:

1. LGBT people are so marginalised that helping them break into the industry is a good thing

2. You say being LGBT isn't some magical other that straight people can't portray, and that this would also mean LGBT can't play straight people.

I disagree, LGBT are systemically sidelined, and real portrayals of our lives are hard to find irl or in media. I also think you give straight people too much credit, cause even supportive allies will come out with some shit that shows clear misunderstanding sometimes.

LGBT however, have been inundated with straightness, and in many cases have pretended to be straight for many years, therefore clearly able ti actually perform straightness. By the structure of our society, we are essentially forced to be able to understand straight people.

(I’ll be talking about LGB because that’s what I think is simple to represent, T I think gets more complicated. Just because then we aren’t just talking about same sex attraction and love in general, we’re talking about gender dysphoria and transition)

What is there to portray that a straight person couldn’t? A good actor can get in touch with their character, and can portray any experience their character has. This includes being LGBT.

A straight actor, if they are a good actor, can properly portray an LGB character. A cis actor, if they are a good actor, can properly portray a trans character.

I just don’t think there’s much to misunderstand or portray badly. Sure, a straight person may not understand what it’s like to come out or be closeted. But they also don’t understand what it’s like to be a superhero, and they still play superheroes all the time. Because acting is about portraying experiences that aren’t your own! Acting is about becoming somebody else. It’s stupid to draw the line at sexuality.

Most people just complain about awkward same sex kiss scenes, and I agree, they should be done better. But I don’t think it’s awkward because it’s a same sex kiss scene, I’ve seen equally awkward opposite sex kiss scenes. It’s just the actors really not wanting to kiss. So find actors that are willing to kiss, and bam, you’ve got a good kiss scene.

Being LGB, while underrepresented, is not a magical other. It’s just attraction to the same sex. We understand that love is love, so we should also understand that if a straight actor just understands that their character loves this same sex character, they can act in love. And if they understand what love is, they’ll be fine.

Plus, I want LGB people to be casted by talent. I would much rather have a talented straight actor, than a bad LGB actor who was only picked because they’re LGB. If the best actor in the lineup is LGB, great! But if the best actor in the lineup is straight, I don’t think they shouldn’t be casted just because of their sexuality.

I don’t really know how to explain this other than that. Let actors be actors. I trust that if you find a talented straight actor, they’ll be able to play an LGB character. I don’t think people should be casted based on sexuality. Just get the best actor, and if they happen to be LGB, that can be considered a bonus but not a necessity.

I’ll leave you with two examples that come to my mind of gay characters portrayed by straight people that I loved. First one would be Tara Maclay from Buffy the Vampire Slayer. I thought she was portrayed very well, and she was played by a straight woman as far as I know. Second one would be Marvin from Falsettos (2016 revival). He was played by a straight man, who did a wonderful job. In fact, I read an article where the gay man who plays Marvin’s lover, said that he has a chip on his shoulder about straight people playing gay characters and was wary about Marvin’s casting, but eased up when he saw how good of a job the actor did at portraying Marvin.

Also here’s a clip from Bright Young Things… I’ve never actually seen the movie lol this is just a scene I was told to watch because of Michael Sheen and because it’s sad. Sounds like the context is that this is a gay character (Miles) who has to flee the country due to homosexuality being criminalized, and letters from him to a male lover were handed over to the police. Arguably this is an experience no young LGB person who’s lived in the western world all their lives could properly portray, as they would have never experienced their sexuality being criminalized and having to flee. Technically, you’d need to find an LGB refugee, wouldn’t you? Sounds like an awfully unrealistic expectation. But because there are good actors out there, like Sheen IMO, this experience can be properly portrayed because they can get in their character’s head.

Here’s a clip of Marvin from Falsettos singing about his lover who died from AIDS complications. Sung by a straight man who did a damn good job because he’s a good actor.

A clip of Tara from Buffy, it’s a song from the musical episode but you can just watch the first part that’s not a song, since it’s a gay joke that was acted well by a straight woman. A straight woman who also did a damn good job at portraying a gay character, because she’s a good actor.

I’m just saying, the key here is good actors. A good actor will be able to portray anything believably, even if they don’t experience it themselves. That’s what acting is all about.