#I try to make sure that you can actually feel the progression and evolution of Clan Culture

[bonefall]

Considering the "march of technology" in Clan culture and the span of time between Thunder and, say, Briarlight -- is Briarlights mobility device more advanced than we give it credit for or is Thunder's prosthetic, like, incredibly simplistic? Literally a leg-shaped stick? Or is the progression of accessability options over time less of an upward trend? Would knowledge wax and wane depending on the era and how tolerant Clan culture is of the disabled at the time?

Did advanced techniques like weaving, leathermaking, or cooking exist back in BB!DOTC or are they developed over the following decades?

They developed over the ensuring decades, but cooking and leatherwork both come from Tribe culture! When the Sundrown Patrol shacks back up with them in TNP, many generations later, they are actually going to find that Tribal leatherwork is more advanced than Clan leatherworking, and they also cook their food

(Crowfoot smugly glances at Squirrelpaw like "look it's that thing you don't do, wormbelly")

Park Cats don't make tools like this, by the way. They had no need or desire. Before the destruction of the Park, the humans provided everything in terms of trash cans, kibble handouts, so on. Individual groups would fight for landmarks, but resources were more based around food and recreation, not crafting reagents.

There's a point where Thunder Storm ends up making friends with River Ripple, not knowing he's a prince or even speaking the same language, just because he hands him a hot, roasted mouse.

The leg prosthetic is basically a leg-shaped stick with "good leather" by the standards of the time, strapped to his nub. I drew him once without the prosthetic, if you want to see what he's got. There's a teeeeeny weenie bit of leg below the knee.

But anyway yes knowledge waxes and wanes. Wildfur's mobility device was super unique and built on BloodClan contribution, Littlecloud and Cinderpelt had a little adventure going to Chelford for ideas. Briarlight's is SHOCKINGLY advanced and a testament to Jessie's genius, but built on what Cinder and Little had already invented.

[fitzjamesbulletwound]

if you ever wanted to hear my every thought on fitzier you're in luck because here it is! this is extremely long so it's going under the cut and if you read it all, i love you

fitzier- shame, performance, and the freeing ordeal of being known 

oh man okay here we go everyone, if this sucks or is too stupid or too anything feel free to kill me

essentially what i want to try to convey here is that the reason crozier and fitzjames go from enemies to friends to lovers is because they both see each other and see themselves in each other in a way that frightens and compels them, hence the early enmity with a tinge of familiarity and desperation to connect thrown in. with the inevitable evolution of their relationship i really think it becomes about learning to be vulnerable with one another, to give each other space to be who they need to be, both to each other and their subordinates, and finally coming to a point where fitzjames, the most performative insecure character in the story (to me), bares his entire soul to crozier, whose own character development allows him to give james the gift of acceptance and compassion in that moment. i’m not going to go episode by episode like i did with my joplittle post but this is more or less in chronological order with maybe a few exceptions idk i get possessed when i write this stuff

the first scene we’ve got to look at is of course the dinner scene. james is absolutely showboating like no other in this scene but in his body language you can see he isn’t confident at all- fidgeting, gesturing, exaggerating, the voice he tends to put on in early episodes prevalent. but when crozier interrupts him you can see for a split second that james was actually excited to get attention from him until he realizes what he’s saying. in the early episodes james craves crozier’s attention and approval so badly because he knows that crozier doesn’t bullshit and he sees things for what they are and isn’t afraid to voice that either and despite the fact that this sometimes makes james uncomfortable as it is not in line with victorian ideals of emotional expression and masculinity, i think james, given the kind of man he is at the start of the story, craves the recognition of a man who he knows would see everything in him. early early early foreshadowing and story weaving for the cairn scene where he realizes “he can tell this man anything. it is possible”

what i also find fascinating about early james and francis is that they still refer to one another in a very familiar way despite the fact that they openly dislike each other- it’s always first name basis even when they’re arguing. also interesting to note that crozier in the beginning will often call him “fitzjames” in front of others when he’s discussing him when he’s not in the room, but later on he makes sure to always use his proper title when he’s talking about him in front of the men- showing james respect even when he dislikes him. i think he doesn’t understand at the time that james’s familiarity with him is an attempt at respect as well (the whole ‘don’t ever call me francis again’ scene). it might be a stretch but i do get the sense that from the very beginning they both tried at being friendly, even just for the sake of maintaining order in command.

when francis says “here technology still bends the knee to luck james” in ep 1 he says it with almost a mentor-like cadence. like yeah they’re both being a little bitchy here but god knows franklin wasn’t giving fitzjames any real or pertinent advice about surviving and navigating the fucking arctic so i find it interesting that crozier almost gently reminds him that yeah they’re making decent progress but that it would be foolish to let their guard down

one of my favorite early fitzier scenes is after dinner when crozier, franklin, and fitzjames are all on deck and fitzjames like sidles up to crozier and looks him up and down and just goes “goodnight francis” with that smirk on his face- he was trying so hard to flirt with him while also being an insufferable bitch with “try to shake the brown study”. but also james lingers so long waiting for francis to say something to him and then shakes his head and walks away to go bitch to franklin about him- i think he is truly hurt in this instance along with being angry and annoyed. and i love that complication because on one hand, i do think that fitzjames thinks that crozier owes him friendship or at the very least recognition because of who james believes himself to be, or at least who he’s trying to be- like he DOES probably see crozier as being beneath him as an irishman but i do think he genuinely wants his friendship and approval as well, for self serving reasons but not entirely. it’s about fitzjames and his desire to be seen by everyone around him in a certain light but also about his desire to be seen specifically by crozier because of who crozier is and how he acts in contrast to everyone else around them

next on the agenda is “dramatic opening shot”... fitzjames girl you are the most dramatic man in the fucking room. the projection is crazy. what this scene reveals most importantly i think is that another thing about francis that james is secretly very envious of is his ability to openly disagree with franklin. there are so many moments later on where you can see that james doesn’t fully believe in what franklin is saying or commanding (the way he looks at him when they realize they are trapped in the pack, the ways he looks at him when he tells fitzjames to escort silna off of erebus right after her father has died) and i think that he envies francis’s ability to challenge franklin and not care what the consequences are. anyway the staredown during this scene is crazy, the tension??

moving on… beginning of ep 1 crozier says “not if fitzjames is with us” in reference to jop saying dinner will be over before he knows it, and at the beginning of ep 2 fitzjames says “do you think francis will honor us with his presence today”- for two people who allegedly hate each other they sure do think about each other and find reasons to bring each other up in conversation a lot! 

ahh the scene with silna’s father- fitzjames is so interesting to me in this scene and really illustrates one of my favorite things about him in the earlier episodes which is that when he goes silent his face journeys are amazing and really convey his true feelings that he won’t say out loud for various reasons. he watches crozier so much in this scene and looks to him for understanding and guidance which is also interesting because i do think that in this scene he’s watching silna, a woman who he probably sees as subhuman and alien, reacting with such grief and tenderness to her father’s death and probably thinking of his relationship with his own father. i know a lot of people speculate that he was just feeling empathy for her there and i do think that’s part of it but i think that to show that in his mind would be to out himself as being “not fully english”. i think i make this point later on in the story too but fitzjames really does that classic white supremacist thing of distancing yourself from “otherness” in order to align yourself with imperialist beliefs and status- he does it with silna and he does it with crozier. sorry this is also turning into my fitzjames character study lol.

the scene where crozier walks out after his big blow up with franklin… i get that james really didn’t have any place to try to hide the fact that he was eavesdropping but i find it so interesting that he decides to turn to face francis and look him directly in the eye. from what we can see of his expression i personally think there was at least a small amount of sympathy there. another attempt to extend friendship and familiarity while actively participating in crozier’s humiliation… god i hate him lol. and the face that james is making when francis first walks out before he turns around is contemplative, not like smug or triumphant or anything like we might expect given how much he seems to dislike crozier at this point. and francis looking back at him… there’s no anger there, just sadness and humiliation and it sucks. i would truly do anything to be able to see james’s face there, in the script it says that crozier can tell how much james heard from the look on his face which like??? could mean so much.

okay the face journey when francis walks into the erebus wardroom after sir john dies… his eyes stay on fitzjames who’s obviously extremely distraught and i wonder if crozier has ever seen fitzjames show genuine emotion up until this point? crozier then looks to blanky, who also looks to fitzjames almost as if to say “look at him, attend to him” and the sorrow and vulnerability on francis’s face when he looks again to james who is of course also showing a vulnerability we haven’t seen from him before. i love the note in the script that fitzjames isn’t used to being this candid or vulnerable in front of a man he doesn’t respect but he does it anyway. and i don’t think he knows how much sympathy crozier does have for him despite how callous he may come across when he says to send out the rescue parties. they both just fail so spectacularly at communication and expression early on, it’s crazy to see

when francis begins reading from the eulogy and stumbles over his words fitzjames gives him a very sharp look… i think he clocks his alcoholism starting to really affect him right away but may also be looking to see if the stumble is due to emotion or the alcohol. ugh and the look he gives him at the end too… it’s so piercing and there’s an anger to it as well. almost a “please prove me wrong but i don’t believe at this point that you will”. because for better or worse now they are linked, intertwined, married and they have to find a way to make it work.

ohhhh the fitzier dinner scene my beloved… “as i climbed the ridge” is such a parallel to james’s chinese sniper story scene!! AND this time it’s fitzjames who derisively interrupts crozier. The parallels, the callbacks… the look he gives fitzjames is crazy when fitzjames says “you should curb that for now” but what i find the most interesting about this scene is that the script makes a point to say that fitzjames was being sincere when he said that to crozier- there is care and concern there underneath the frustration and anger. and then it’s also wild that in that moment, fitzjames clearly reminds crozier of sophia. the way the narrative almost shifts to replace crozier’s love interest (sophia) with his burgeoning relationship with fitzjames is soooooo. i just love this scene because they are both trying so hard to be vulnerable and open with one another but they are both failing so spectacularly just like in the scene after sir john dies. they don’t have the respect and rapport between them yet to back up what they desperately want from each other- a connection. a camaraderie. leadership and capability. fitzjames tries to be sincere in his concern for francis but it is overshadowed by his frustration and anger towards what he views to be a sour outlook from crozier, and crozier attempts to be vulnerable with james by sharing about sophia only to be met with the knowledge that franklin has humiliated him yet again by discussing that topic with other people aboard the ship. and i think fitzjames does truly pity francis in that moment but it also frustrates him that that is the reason he’s here, for love, not for a yearning for adventure or glory- which i would venture to say is why fitzjames is there. fitzjames went on the expedition to prove his worth and francis went for love and they both ended up finding exactly those things from one another i’m dead.

oh and also why the fuck does fitzjames arch his slutty back against the wall when francis walks out of the room like that one scene in hannibal y’all know what i’m talking about. okay and i forgot about the way fitzjames jabs his finger at francis all up in his personal space which is just so unlike him. it is also worth noting that francis doesn’t get angry at this- he actually stills for a second and then continues to tell james what he was going to tell him. again there’s that strange familiarity they have despite the fact that they hate each other at this point. and that’s to say nothing of how they’re sitting in the first place which is so close to each other idk it just seems a little crazy to me?

i also find it so so interesting how james chooses to be honest with francis once he accidentally reveals that franklin discussed the whole sophia thing with him- he could’ve deflected and said like “oh yeah he mentioned it in passing’ or something like that but he chose to tell francis the truth of the conversation! francis really brings out an honest and candid side to james that we don’t see him put on for anyone else and i think it’s because deep down he knows that no matter how shitty, francis is always going to respect being told the truth vs. all of the obfuscating language that is so typical of the time. i think this is also why in the next episode francis insists that everyone leaves after he punches fitzjames and fitzjames is very resigned to it as well- they both know that it’s going to be ugly but they both want to hash out the truth of the situation for better or worse- like yeah they are at each other’s throats and they want the catharsis of screaming at each other because they’re so mad at each other here but i also think they crave honesty and candidness in their interactions- james because he feels like a fake and francis because it’s his nature- but both because it’s what they want from each other. and back to the dinner scene- just another look of genuine hurt from fitzjames when crozier says “keep your pity” plus the whole reason crozier even says that- i don’t think he expects pity from anyone at this point and doesn’t know how to respond to it.

in the scene where fitzjames says they should question silna about the creature crozier makes a point to say he agrees with him- he does this a couple of different times throughout the show and i think it’s a very small but important detail about how even when they aren’t on the best terms he makes sure to show james respect in front of the officers. and like yeah they end up yelling at each other here but i think that’s more james’s grief showing (again he shows emotion in front of/because of francis) and francis’s stress showing as well- that “we’re all exhausted” is very aimed at james but also an attempt to explain his own state of mind. they’re trying!!!!

the lashing scene- i don’t think we’ve ever seen fitzjames actually afraid of crozier but he definitely is here. he’s clenching his hands so hard throughout the whole scene and he keeps glancing at crozier as he allows the lashing to go on and even nervously gulps at one point. i think this along with crozier’s worsening addiction is a huge catalyst for where we find them and their dynamic in ep 5.

and speaking of which- at the beginning of the episode you can really see how their communication has just completely broken down. edward is basically bridging the gap between them and the resentment is growing. i know that the alcoholism is part of it, we can only assume that fitzjames started to keep his distance once he could tell it was getting bad, but i also think a lot of this is fall out from the lashing and how it affected the way fitzjames felt about crozier as stated earlier. and another aspect of the widening gap between fitzjames and crozier is how erebus is the very picture of order while terror is literally and figuratively falling apart 

the fact that fitzjames told collins to watch out for crozier running out of alcohol on terror is further evidence that fitzjames was around a bit to witness crozier’s alcoholism getting really bad and isolated himself after that. he’s angry but he knows it was coming

ugh man the fight scene- the fact that james came himself, alone, to terror to talk to francis as a friend (straight from his own mouth in the script of their argument) about the alcohol issue. even though james is furious and stressed and shouldering the whole expedition, he still attempts to care for francis, it just ends up blowing up in his face and that’s when he lashes out. the way he says “francis” at first before crozier freaks out on him is in such a sincere and gentle tone and just the fucking genuine hurt in his face and his tone of voice when francis tells him to never call him by his first name again. fitzjames cared when francis was at his fucking lowest but still held him responsible and that’s love baby.

the body language is crazy when they’re yelling at each other or i guess when fitzjames is reading francis lol- and the way crozier can’t take his eyes off fitzjames when he’s telling everyone to get out. he’s so ready for this fucking throw down because both of them have been holding this in for so long. crozier is amped up but fitzjames is resigned to finally getting it all out in the open. he wants it to happen and he knows it needs to. even after getting punched in the mouth by him (i don’t think it’s any accident that fitzjames literally bears a scar from that punch and that it comes back open when he’s dying of scurvy) fitzjames still calmly tells everyone yes get out and says what he needs to say. i love the transcript of their argument because it’s so brutal but it really illustrates a kind of fucked up intimacy that we aren’t 100% privy to between them. crozier knows exactly what to say to james to hurt him- telling him he doesn’t have friends, he has admirers and that james has always been mad that he isn’t one, that james is a coward despite the fact that james is facing this down no matter what it takes in order to literally save crozier’s life; and james knows that all he can do is soldier through and lay the truth of what is happening on francis in a way no one else has dared to except for silna minutes before. james really goes out of his comfort zone- being honest and sincere and vulnerable for the sake of the expedition but also for francis. and i’m reading this back and wondering if i’m being too generous to james here but tbh he had every right to be this angry at francis at this point in the story! 

ha fitzjames walks into the “i need to dry out meeting” looking all submissive and contrite… but for real his face is so open and entreating in this scene. he’s still annoyed but he wants so badly for things to go right. and you can see in francis’s expression that he is so ashamed to have to ask him 

mmm and part of fitzjames coming to love and respect crozier is seeing jopson’s devotion to him in this scene… he’s never seen crozier be admired the way franklin was and i think this is a whole new way for him to see him. and just in general here i think that james “reshuffles everything he thought about the man” and he admires crozier for the way he put his humility and vulnerability in front of him finally and admitted to his wrongs, something i also don’t think franklin would ever do and didn’t ever do, to his and the entire crew’s demise. fitzjames followed franklin and looked up to him in the pursuit of his own vanity and the narrative he tells himself to cover the shame, but he learns to respect and love francis because he watches his evolution as a captain and as a man without any of the obfuscating that he’s used to from authority figures. he watches francis claw his way out of his own shame, the shame that drives him forward and i wonder what kind of ideas that gave fitzjames and how it influenced his own decision to share everything about his past with francis later

what i love about the opening scene of ep 6 is that we see how fitzjames’s leadership has been influenced by franklin and francis but specifically how he is acting more like francis- he does do a little bit of the whole “how dare you bring up anything unpleasant” thing when he yells at jirv for mentioning the number of men and when he does the whole “oh it’s just winter, we’ll feel better with the first sunrise, encourage the men with that” thing but it’s interesting because although we’re hearing echoes of franklin here, fitzjames is still trying to be more honest and open to feedback than franklin was. he doesn’t exactly take jirv’s advice on rationing but he does ration a bit. he is doing the whole toxic positivity thing with his “use that to encourage the men” line but he is also recognizing how hard everything has been for everyone and using an actual tangible event to lift spirits rather than referring to meaningless bullshit about god and country. and the simple fact that he seeks blanky’s advice and knowledge is more than sir john would ever have done in a scenario like this. he understands from blanky’s story about ross that he himself hasn’t been doing enough to combat the horror of their situation for the men, he understands that he must do more. even the way he asks ‘what do you mean’ when blanky says ross had no sympathy for the ill. to not care for the ill is an alien concept to him. tt’s so interesting because fitzjames occupies a space not dissimilar to francis’s- he has access and power in the hierarchy of the discovery service but, within his own mind, he is still an outsider. crozier on the other hand is a visible and tangible outsider due to his birth and his nationality. everyone can see it and i think that’s also part of why fitzjames is so antagonistic towards francis in the beginning- the projection goes crazy and in the true spirit of colonialism and white supremacy, james believes that if he can make himself as far apart from someone like francis as possible and align himself with men like franklin and barrow despite sharing way more similarities with francis than he does with them, he can succeed in upholding himself as the vision of victorian masculinity and social worthiness that he so desperately tries to emulate- this is what i was thinking about during the scene with silna’s father where he’s reluctant to fully show his (partial) sympathy to her

the line from the script that kills me is when it says a clock has begun for fitzjames once he discovers the blood in his hair… god it kills me, he knew he was dying for months. for literal months and who knows if he even told anyone but… i do think he had to have told francis at some point. it makes me so sick, it’s literally why the cairn walk scene happens- he knew he was dying, he knew it and one of the last things he wanted before he died was for someone to see him, truly see him flaws and mistakes and vanity and all before he died. and he wanted that person to be francis

gotta include the scene where james tells edward that francis was right about walking out- this is a huge turning point from ep 1

it’s so funny that when crozier and fitzjames see each other at carnival you can tell james is like “oh shit i’m in trouble” but crozier is just slightly amused seeing him like that and even though he finds the carnival strange and sees how reckless it was, he doesn’t chide james or the men about it even though that’s cleary what james is expecting. crozier empathizes with their longing for home and their need to do something happy and uses that momentum to tell the men about walking out and doing his best to reassure them about their chances. the way fitzjames looks up at him and nods along with him- i don’t think we’ve seen fitzjames look at him like that yet up until this point. he is seeing francis for who he can be as a competent captain and we are seeing crozier really step into that role. i also think that francis was relieved that fitzjames saw the urgency in walking out and that he wasn’t going to have to convince him the way he would’ve had to convince franklin. their leadership is finally syncing up here, built on humility (francis admitting he had an addiction and choosing to do something about it, fitzjames admitting how wrong he was about francis and his use of caution and logic) and respect (i do think crozier respected fitzjames for trying to build morale to the best of his ability and i think fitzjames respected francis finally behaving like the captain he needed him to be) 

during the fire there’s a small moment where james is frozen- no doubt from ptsd which he deserves- and francis sends him ahead to look for an exit, telling him to go. he fucking loves him!!!!

poor fitzjames.. like yes the ghosts of his colonial past and all that of course which i will never not fully support him being subjected to but damn. and i don’t think he shrugs francis off because it’s francis or because he’s angry with them, he is punishing himself and francis sees that and lets him do what will help ease his own guilt and pain. tt is a moment of understanding between them i believe- fitzjames showing vulnerability in front of a man he now respects while adding another failure to his own personal checklist he keeps against himself (i can only imagine he does anyway). francis’s attempt to show him care and understanding while not undercutting his usefulness is also such an inspired choice for what he knows of fitzjames. you can really see the care starting to sprout between them here. i can only imagine what the rest of the winter was like but i feel like by episode 7, their dynamic has just completely changed, their entire vibe is different. and their love couldn’t have happened until they left the ships so it came at the worst and best time. 

and by ep 7 their dynamic has just so completely shifted. even the fact that they are supervising the packing for the walk together and this may be real delusional hours but sending edward ahead to make the first camp instead of one of them going is a little interesting to me. i believe he’s technically the next in line for leadership after fitzjames but like did francis and james want to spend time together? with crozier finally dried out and knowing james’s time is almost up? them finally in a comfortable and friendly place? i love their conversation during the packing scene because fitzjames is voicing a concern to francis who calmly explains his reasoning and when fitzjames continues to press his own doubts they remain civil, familiar, acknowledge one another’s thought processes etc. a scene like this could NEVER have happened in episode 1 or 2. i looooong to know what they were like together during the winter after carnival 

you all know i am INSANE about the fitzier hand holding scene, no one can match my freak on this. tt makes my stomach flutter every time i see it. it is my pride and prejudice hand clenching scene. first i want to acknowledge the quote from the script- “at one point, the only thing keeping fitzjames from sliding back into oblivion is crozier’s hand, but half the importance about the act is that fitzjames reached for it.” this KILLS me more than anything else from the script. and honestly at this point in the story i am becoming convinced that james told crozier about the scurvy, they knew the whole fucking time, they knew. they are literally marching to their deaths, against all odds still going, still trying and they are falling in love. the way james gazes up at francis in awe when he sees the offered hand and doesn’t stop looking at francis when he is up on the ridge. crozier doesn’t even turn to look at james, but he does make sure to stop and wait for him and extend the hand that he knows that james needs. Based on honestly even just this alone i am convinced that crozier knew about the scurvy already. there’s no fucking way he didn’t. and then the way james grabs francis’s jacket and holds on while they stare at each other, crozier smiling- it’s so interesting to me because it very much tells of finding an excuse to touch crozier again, as if he was so in awe of the touch that crozier initiated a few minutes before that he needed it again. he was trying to find a way to touch him again in that “this has to be acceptable by victorian standards of emotional and loving expression” way. and crozier accepts it! he smiles, he meets his gaze. there’s triumph there. and don’t think i didn’t fucking notice that the hand that francis keeps is the hand that held fitzjames’s hand and that also held his face when he was dying.

in the scene with morfin, as soon as crozier notices that james is there he makes sure to maneuver over to james so he can place himself between james and the gun despite the fact that he is unarmed and james has his pistol with him. i don’t necessarily doubt that francis would do this earlier in the story but i can say that he does this here as a selfless act of love and protection 

and then the jop promotion scene yay the way james looks at francis with admiration and curiosity when he hands him the promotion letter to sign and the way james smiles at him when he reads it but not just because of that- but because of the words francis uses and the way francis is looking at him, saying someone “has earned our respect (looks to james), trust” and fitzjames smiles and nods- it’s not just about agreeing with him about jopson. this is how fitzjames feels about crozier now and the fact that crozier even in this small subtle way acknowledges that he  DID need to prove himself to james after his behavior during the winter. their dynamic is just so much different now! at the end when everyone is shaking jopson’s hand, fitzjames gives crozier like… the most insane loving soft look… he looks so so happy. i don’t think we’ve ever seen him look like that before.

and now we are at the cairn walk. i again have to say how during this rewatch i become convinced of the knowledge that crozier has to know that fitzjames is dying. there’s just no way he doesn’t. the conversation they have about it does not convey that james is telling him this for the first time. tt more so implies that they both know but don’t speak of it often and james is updating francis with the vital information, the stages he’s at. what made fitzier happen was them leaving the boats, james dying, crozier getting sober, them both laying it all out on the table in different moments of vulnerability- crozier with his addiction, james with his heritage. the way those scenes parallel each other is actually crazy. james is fucking dying, they are all marching to their deaths and the knowledge that they are doing so is slowly sinking in, and all james wanted before he died was for crozier to see him, all of him. even the parts he was afraid to tell anyone, even himself. and francis isn’t even granting him a mercy, he isn’t sparing his feelings. he truly and genuinely accepts james for who he is, how he came to be a part of the expedition. they have both known from the start that beginnings and heritage don’t matter, it’s the actions that people take that makes them who they are. in different ways they both knew that and i think it’s part of what aligned them eventually. and from the script- james realizes he can say anything to this man. it is possible. crozier gives him the space to do it. and just the way they’re laughing and joking and being light with each other- another thing we never would’ve seen in the earlier episodes. okay focusing on some details now- when crozier says “that’s not how i see you” james literally stumbles as if he can’t believe crozier would say that to him. in the beginning of the scene francis gives james space and privacy when he sees him getting emotional about graham and franklin’s deaths and struggling to remember the date of sir john’s death. they communicate with a single glance there, james asking for a moment and crozier giving it to him. the grief on francis’s face when james tells him his latest symptoms. when crozier initially tries to comfort and encourage james… and james can’t accept it because he hasn’t told him everything yet. he doesn’t know if he can. i don’t want to get personal but that feeling that if you only tell part of your hidden sorrow to someone and they comfort and accept you and show you kindness, that feeling you then get that no no no you don’t know the whole of it and if you did you wouldn’t be showing me this kindness, you wouldn’t love me, you wouldn’t respect me. you wouldn’t see me. i genuinely can’t imagine the relief that fitzjames felt when he told francis it all, he told him everything and all francis gave back was love. also we can finally start to really see the bruise that francis gave fitzjames in ep 5. i love when fitzjames literally and metaphorically closes the gap between them. and francis waits for him until he is by his side again. “are we brothers francis” the tears, the attempt to laugh/smile them away until he sees that crozier is with him in this moment and taking it as seriously as it deserves to be. again the joining of the hands, the one that crozier keeps. they look at each other’s mouths, into each other’s eyes, the way francis dips his head to look at fitzjames when fitzjames ducks his emotionally. it’s insanity

when they get back to camp and listen to hodgson’s story and then go to see jirv’s body, they exchange a lot of glances, specifically around the times that hodgson mentions hickey- they are of one mind on him and on how the situation actually played out. james also watches francis a lot in the scene where they go to see jirv’s body. he looks to him for leadership now and doesn’t become irritated by his anger or his candor. this really persists for the rest of the episode - in the scene where crozier is yelling at edward about supplementing the marines all james has to say is “francis” and then basically talks him down from yelling at edward more, another scene i don’t think could have ever happened between them earlier in the story but james knows how to quell francis now. and this is such an interesting parallel to ep 5 when everyone was taking their shit out on edward; this time fitzjames protects him. but anyway- james and francis are just so in sync in every scene in this episode- they back each other up, communicate through glances, emphasize each other’s words and authority. yay<3 

all right you’re all going to have to bear with me on ep 9 because it makes me crazy.

we gotta start with the fucking grief and pain in both of their expressions when they’re taking care of pocock and how this scene itself foreshadows the assisted suicide later

the look of absolute love and faith from fitzjames when crozier is telling them they will keep marching south and the “more than god loves them” scene- this is francis at his most captainly- and james is echoing his hollow vanity stricken words about franklin but really really meaning them about crozier- he says them to no one but himself, there is no performance here and crozier’s words aren’t a false display of empathy and care like franklin’s were for david young and fitzjames sees this. 

fitzjame and crozier are hauling in front side by side- it makes a point to mention that in the script too.

when fitzjames falls… ugh. he hauled until he couldn’t anymore, direct call back to when blanky said ross sat atop the sledges- oh and when francis and fitzjames were caring for pocock together vs ross having no sympathy for illness. when james falls he reaches for crozier without even looking at him at first and you can hear crozier saying “it’s all right, it’s all right” when james is saying he can’t stand the heat. dundy and bridgens are lifting fitzjames up too but when he stumbles, when he reveals his wound, when he stumbles again, he is only looking at crozier the whole time. and the look on crozier’s face is one i don’t think we’ve seen from him yet. i noticed too that he’s holding onto fitzjames with his left arm and rubbing his back with the other before he takes the rope off of him. 

i want to say about the following scene where james is laid up in the boat that i made a joke once to my friend about when crozier reaches into the boat and how it looks like they’re holding hands- but they actually are, it’s in the script. there’s just something about crozier’s face when he talks to fitzjames in later episodes, there’s such a softening of the edges to him, his expression is less guarded and more attentive and earnest. and the call back to their first scene together with the chinese sniper story…. the fucking fondness in both of their eyes as they laugh together, which was probably james’s last time laughing. when crozier says “there’s time” but that’s the tragedy of this show- there’s never enough time. everything happens too late.

james screaming in pain and crozier running to him and barely letting bridgens finish his sentence before he tells them to camp here also in the script during the officer’s meeting right after, they can hear fitzjames screaming in his tent :( i’m honestly kinda glad they left that out.

and here we are at THE fitzier scene. i could talk for hours about this scene. francis is holding james’s hand, rubbing his shoulder. james looks so young and frail and scared here and he uses some of his last words to tell francis he wanted him to live because he knew he wouldn’t be around to tell him that anymore soon. francis shaking his head when he says it as if to say “not without you”. in the script, when bridgens leaves it says ‘he looks at crozier. he looks at fitzjames. he understands”... and later during james’s funeral when crozier says that he had a service with james, just the two of them, peglar and bridgens exchange a very interesting, knowing look. to choose those two to react that way? idk man. fitzier real. but back to the scene- god okay crozier taps james’s chest twice in question and then just barely audible fitzjames says “please”. ugh the sad smile crozier gives fitzjames before he gives him the drug… then he places his hand, the one that crozier doesn’t lose, so gently and lovingly on james’s face, and even in his current state james looks almost taken aback at the gesture. when crozier tips the drug into his mouth his expression softens. i will never ever in my life forget the way james looks at crozier in that moment, the look of gratitude, love, farewell, of pain, longing, childlike fear. (nobody is doing it like tobias). crozier ever so lightly brushing james’s lips with both of his thumbs before he begins to massage it down and carefully wiping the excess away. they never stop looking at each other. dave k said that the service that crozier mentions happened before fitzjames dies and after crozier gives him the drug.

the last thing i want to say about the james death scene is that i was never that invested in the concept of cannibalism as a metaphor for love but fitzjames asking crozier to eat his body and live really really stuck in my brain- just their entire insane journey that i’ve been sitting here thinking about for months- acquaintances to enemies to allies to friends to lovers for it all to culminate in this final scene of fitzjames begging crozier to eat from his body and begging him to give him the final kiss of death all as crozier never once looks away or lets go of him. fitzjames loved him so much he was willing for crozier to desecrate his corpse if it meant francis would live, even without him next to him but crozier loved him so much that he couldn’t do it, he couldn’t add that act to his already impossibly devoted actions.

and the action of hiding james’s body because crozier doesn’t want tuunbaq to destroy it but then it turns out that someone at the very funeral ends up leading the mutineers to tear fitzjames’s body apart themselves. just like jirv not getting to keep the final gift of the seal meat even in death, crozier couldn’t do james this one last mercy even though he tried desperately to. 

and this last part is a bit of a stretch but okay-along with the shirt and the gloves of fitzjames’s that crozier is wearing after his death i think he might be wearing his little neck thing too, so sorry y’all i do not know what it’s called and i’m locked in trying to finish this and i’m not googling it lol. but we see fitzjames wear it a lot throughout the show and francis does sometimes but it’s very much a fitzjames piece so i think it might be his too. and with the funeral scene and the blanky scene, we see the mismatched gloves clearly for the first time but i’m pretty sure the first glimpse is earlier in the episode when they’re hauling before fitzjames collapses. dave k still confirmed they had switched gloves but it really seems that this happened before james died, likely when they left terror camp. i still contend that crozier and fitzjames both knew james was dying and this may have been why they did it. 

and on to the last episode and closing thoughts- in the last ep i was really keeping track of the gloves- he loses them at some point and i wanted to see when and it’s between the scene where he talks to hickey and when he’s chained back up in the tent with diggle. i hope he somehow hung on to them.

i will never forget how my stomach dropped out when i saw hickey wearing fitzjames’s boots on my first watch- the fucking sorrow in crozier’s face. he doesn’t understand the meaning just yet  but when goodsir is cleaning his wounds and tells him they ate gibson, you can see crozier put it together that that’s why hickey has fitzjames’s boots. his expression turns from shock and grief to rage.

hickey really clocked crozier with the shame comment and you can see how it triggers crozier. this is a great confirmation because it really pervades the story and fitzjames’s story as well. they are both driven by shame, by a need to prove themselves but go about it in completely different ways. fitzjames is all bravado, flowery empty words and boasting to cover his origins, his feelings of inadequacy. he aligns himself with the empire and with those in power and distances himself from anyone he knows will be deemed lesser than in the hierarchy in which he exists and specifically pits himself against someone like crozier in order to bolster his own social standing. crozier on the other hand is hardened to his station, he has no way to hide his nationality or his origins no matter how capable he is and how long he’s been going to sea. crozier feels the shame of things like sophia’s rejection and not having straights that they sail named after him but hides it with his bluntness and his lack of decorum when pointing out the truth of a situation. james has everything crozier wishes he did, but crozier is something that james wishes he could be- just himself, despite his societal ineptitudes and barriers. i believe that this basis and the way it melds and breaks down and comes to a way of understanding between them is why fitzier is so strong, and so real and so visceral, especially at the end. honestly there is so much more i could say but i think i’m going to leave it there and just saw that i hope crozier thinks of james from time to time in his new life. i find it hard to believe he doesn’t.

[sharpth1ng]

As someone who has TRIED to write longfic for a while, I find outlining and sticking to it so fucking hard?! Like I never know what I'm doing at all. And I wanted to ask how do you do it??? Like what's your process if you have one or just whatever tips you have, because I feel like the pacing and plot/character evolution in your fics is so good? Idek dude I'm desperate this is so hard 😭😭 but I really wanna do it so. Help please

Honestly this is the first long fic I’ve managed to write, it’s something I’ve struggled with a lot as well. I guess I have a couple tips, but it’s by no means expert advice. It’s also possible some of this is too basic, idk, but I’ll do my best to be helpful.

Outlining and thinking into the future is really important but I’d actually recommend you give yourself a little flexibility to change things as well. I like to have my end point set- that means I know how characters start out and how they change through the course of the fic. After that I basically just have to get from point A to point B by figuring out what events happen to change the characters over the course of the plot.

In Debaser the start point is a closeted, self-denying Billy and a Stu that’s not yet completely sure of his place in Billy’s orbit. At the end we have a Billy who is still closeted but admits his sexuality to himself and has fallen in love with Stu, and we have an equally but more openly in love Stu who is also significantly more confident (if also severely injured).

It helps to have a solid midpoint as well, this is basic plot structure stuff. You need the characters to face a challenge and overcome it, and for Debaser this is Maureen’s death. It’s their first murder but it also marks the beginning of a significant change in their relationship. Before Maureen their behaviour has been almost justifiably kinky to Billy. He can tell himself that he’s only getting off on causing Stu pain, but kissing him crosses a line, and then there’s everything that happens at Christmas and it just continues from there.

As I’m writing this stuff I try to be mindful that I’m creating a sense of escalation- the characters are making progress or regressing, but either of way the stakes are getting higher. Scream lends itself well to that, so I got lucky.

It also helps that I’m sort writing a book slasher, at least later in the fic. It means I can make use of those tropes, so I have something to lean on. I’d recommend figuring out some tropes that you like from the genre you’re working in, and put your own spin on them or find a way to subvert them.

I often work through this kind of planning with more of a visual map, then this eventually gets turned into bullet point summaries of each chapter. When I actually go to write the chapter a lot of the time I realize some of those planned plot points don’t quite work or don’t feel in character, and in those cases I often change those details. If it works better for the story I’m telling then it’s good to go off-script a little. There are usually some major events that I won’t change, but most things are fair game.

Finally, I’d recommend writing ahead. It’s really benefited me to know what’s happening in the next few chapters before I edit for publishing. That way I can add in or change any details that no longer work with what’s coming up in the future.

I hope some of this makes sense (and is helpful) but like you’re right, it is hard. It’s such a scary process honestly and that’s part of why Wave of Mutilation is taking me so much time. But yeah I think it’s normal for it to feel kind of awful to do this kind of thing. Truly the only thing i hate more than writing is not writing.

I wish you the fucking best with whatever you’re working on!

[barid-bel-medar]

I’ve been squeezing up brains to find Bakugou actual plot relevance… there’s so little that he may perfectly be absent. At least in the early stages. In the late late stages there’s some but for then the divergence may have fixed up.

Anyway, i kind of found a couple and here are as aks:

Will Kamimari and Mina be affected in their academic progress by Bakugou not being there tutoring them?

Aizawa showed a huge bias towards Bakugou since the beginning. Is there any other student occupying that spot? Is he still salty about the top scorer being rejected for the new rule? Given Izuku early progress in handling OFA, is he less biased against him?

Thank you for giving me brainrot with your story. I kind of started a pilot fic with this trope thanks yo you!

Yeah it was the realization I had a number of months back that you can pull Bakugou out of basically all the early plotlines and it doesn't really effect things (hence FtE's entire existence). Even in context of the training camp attack they could have just as easily made a different student a target, like Izuku or Shouto. In contrast if Izuku isn't there, things change dramatically (which yes obviously he's the protagonist so that should be the case), including for Bakugou's own character evolution. If he succeeds when Izuku does not, his worst traits would have definitely gotten amplified and problems would have spiraled.

Like if Izuku wasn't at UA I think it's perfectly reasonable to write it that Bakugou wouldn't make it to graduation. He'd either get himself killed or expelled.

But to answer your other questions!

No, because I feel they would have found other students to help tutor them even if he wasn't there. It's just in-series it's a good means of explaining him succeeding in making friends/a social group that isn't followers ala Aldera.

There's presently not entirely a student holding that role though I would describe Aizawa as being grudgingly fond of Izuku and Neito despite himself. He actually wasn't really too salty over Bakugou's failure because he did get the point the Commission was making and it wasn't that unreasonable. His salt more related to him feeling Izuku got too many rescue points than anything else. I will say that in context of that, Izuku *wasn't* entirely wrong to suspect there was some fuckery going on with his practical score because Nedzu did want to make sure he got in and his rescuing of Uraraka made for the opening he needed. To some extent though it is also a different form of red flag the rescue points only since it does raise questions of potential martyrdom issues/lack of care of Izuku's own life versus the person he's trying to save.

Yeah Izuku's sense of heroism is utterly disconnected from Bakugou when it comes down to it. Even in the case of Bakugou his own desire to be a hero is disconnected from Izuku's existence, there's other issues specifically there (like the seriously concerning detail of how many of Endeavor's more toxic trait he happens to have when he's a kid; at least with Endeavor it's pretty clear those issues were more ones that started when he was older)

[girlymoviegal]

What if Amy Rose had her own spin off??

With the release of Princess Peach: Showtime has got me thinking…imagine if we had gotten that similar experience for our fav pink hedgehog Amy Rose? Sure, you could make the argument that due to the bad reception of Shadow The Hedgehog (2005) when it was released indicated that Sega was not going to make any more sonic spin off games in the future (though I will defend that game for the entirety of my living existence because I whole heartedly loved it) but theoretically it could be a great concept to bring back because you could do so much with each character.

But in this case, I want to talk about the many ways of what I personally think could work if Amy had a spin off game.

1. Good Character Writing

Over the course of the Sonic franchise, there have been many interpretations of Amy some range from very bad to very good if you know what I’m talking about. If you want an in depth discussion of Amy’s evolution throughout the years read @ratrrriot post they do a great job of explaining it better than I ever could. But basically in short terms: showcase her love and compassion but is a fierce determined hero and willing to stand up for the people whom she cares about but retain both her bad qualities such as her stubbornness and so it would make feel more grounded and like a real person.

2. An Open World Format

Sonic Frontiers was a definite refresher for the format of Sonic games. The open world really helped how the open world is a great fit for Sonic games show casing how alive the star fall islands were and immersive gameplay experience can be. I know some people were mixed on that aspect but personally it was a welcome addition that helped with the story. In my mind, Amy would be going on her adventure led by her tarot cards as well as expanding her horizons and come across this magical and unknown land associated with love and kindness (one of Amy’s defining traits). The land would like some fantasy/ fairy tale inspired world with each level being more beautiful than the last and in a sense still being rooted into Sonic’s world with creative lore but with a girly twist on it one of the many things that definitely defines who Amy is and that some of the locations/ levels within the game could be off real life places or folklore.

3. Story

Sonic Frontiers and to an extent The Murder of Sonic The Hedgehog were praised for being the first Sonic games in years to have a good story probably since Sonic and the Black Knight. Definitely can work if they have good writers. Amy would be in the game for obvious but maybe two or three more friends along for the ride too but having them be in the story instead of them just being in the background like Cream, Blaze and Silver or something? Have them develop into by Amy had impacted them in so many ways and how they want to return the offer. Explain how the fantasy world in the game came to be, the culture of it and their way of living, sacred treasures they may hold to keep the world in balance. Introduce characters from the fantasy world so you would feel more invested into the journey and having one of the inhabitants be the main antagonist an trusted ally to the team.

3. Costume Upgrades

Amy has had some very cute outfits upgrades most notably in Sonic Dash or Sonic Forces Speed Battle but you would have to unlock the outfits doing certain tasks or completing each level zones in the game that also help progress the narrative feeling as that they are essential. Again it doesn’t have to be the case but it would be a cool feature to have be put in the game as well as her friends getting costume upgrades too.

Again, this isn’t trying to force the game if it would happen. It’s just me ranting some of my ideas if an Amy Rose spin off game were to actually happen but I doubt it’ll be the case any time soon.

My Synopsis of names of the world in the game, the levels/ zones it can contain and what it would look like;

Location of the Story: The Petula Isles

Levels/ Zones:

Valley of Love:

Dreamy Skyline:

Crittered Cove:

Wintered Wonderland:

Jubokko Forest:

Crystal Caves:

Link to @ratrrriot’s post on Amy’s Evolution:

[o-craven-canto]

Upon being tagged by @wellmetmat; thanks for thinking of me! I hope you'll pardon me if I don't tag anyone additional just yet.

1. What virtue do you most often see in other people that you feel comparatively deficient in?

First of all, self-confidence, absolutely. I think the shame centers in my brain are accidentally wired to fire at ten times the expected intensity. A minuscule rebuke can make my whole day worse, however objective I try to be about it, and more often than not I feel just barely tolerated by the people around me, even though I'm fairly sure that that is not actually the case. The #1 advice I get from my coworkers is "you need to get better at self-promotion".

Close second, constancy. You wouldn't believe the amount of stuff in my backlog (or maybe you would, it's probably not all that extraordinary an amount). At the very least I should be doing more work on my main long-term creative projects: my future-history novel, and my Ea worldbuilding, both of which are years behind schedule. Though in my defense I'm also doing a PhD, which I'm also somewhat behind with but not ruinously so, so there's that.

2. Show us an object in your daily life that you have an emotional attachment to - tell us a little bit about it if you want! (a favourite mug perhaps? socks with a cute pattern? dealers choice)

Well. I have here this old wallet in blue denim-like cloth, which has absolutely nothing distinctive or particularly endearing, but I've had it since I was in middle school or about there, so. Had it pickpocketed a couple years ago, and I mourned the wallet a lot more than the money, but the thief had at least the decency of leaving it where it would be soon found, with all documents in order, which I guess was nice of them. (They must have had a nasty surprise when they realized the wallet's impressive thickness was almost entirely old receipts and train tickets I hadn't gotten around to throwing away yet).

3. If you could choose, what level of fame would you want? How many people would you want to recognise you?

Hmm, probably some mild subsubcultural level. The point where two blogs can exchange a few posts discussing my work, or where a few people may comment under a story "this reminds me of Concavenator's style". Anything above that would probably take too much attention end energy, and those grapes look sour anyway. This is probably not outside my grasp, especially if I make some progress on that "constancy" thing.

4. Where do you feel language is least adequate to capture, communicate, or express your experience?

You could argue that this question is, by definition, impossible to answer! But to actually try, I do have some extremely strong feelings about biological life, evolution, extinction, and deep time, which I've tried to express in various ways over the years, never quite to my satisfaction. Actually, I've never seen anyone express them satisfactorily yet. I guess it's kind of a mystical thing. You look at mountains and you see them swell and warp under the strain of a continent crawling north. These words I've just written are not adequate. It will sound like a weird niche interest but it's genuinely a major part of what I see when I look around.

5. If you had to come up with a question with the following criteria:

a) it should disuade knee-jerk reaction answers (i.e. it shouldn't be something people are likely to have spent a lot of time considering before)

b) it shouldn't be too specialised (the audience should be general, don't ask about people's top 3 byzantine spice merchants opperating between 754AD-816AD)

c) it shouldn't be needlessly emotionally charged or divisive

d) it should be a question you expect people to have lots of varied opinions about

What would your question be?

Hmm. How about this: if for the rest of your life hereon you could only communicate directly with X people, what would be the smallest value for X for which you'd be satisfied?

[hoboblaidd]

how does Solas cope or work through the aftereffects of the regret prison?

Bless you because prison regret Solas is one of my favorites, and this is owed in large part to how the prison has developed through conversations and writings with Elisa. The prison is a Sisyphian loop of regret compounding upon regret. It's a parasite that feeds off of every one of those regrets. Rook describes their experience in there as terrible, empty, and unending. Now imagine you have 10,000 years' worth of regrets that you buried and ran from for those 10,000 years. 

Rook was right - he's trapped in regret within and without the prison, but the prison means he can't run from it. It feels like a fever dream, a nightmare, and a really shitty version of It's a Wonderful Life. It'd drive anyone mad. With Elisa, it's become like he isn't sure what is and isn't real anymore. It feels like a dream, but Solas can control dreams - he can't control this. Logically, he knows it's just a super complex puzzle (that he tries to solve in every way but the correct way). But emotionally, it's hard to parse through the echoes of centuries to get a clear head for even the most well-adjusted person. And Solas isn't well-adjusted.

Sorry Rook, but I'd mindfuck you too if it meant I could get out of hell. 

Once Solas gets out and spends those weeks in Minrathous, it becomes (please forgive the 2017 analogy but we were all young once) like Peeta at the end of Hunger Games. That constant internal asking of "real or not real?" It helps that he can finally see colors again lol, but there are still those cold-sweat moments of 'hang on, is this actually happening?' Which makes sense - you can't just intellectualize your way out of trauma. 

It also makes sense on a practical level - suddenly, he's back fighting Elgar'nan and the blight just like he did 2000+ years ago. Every day he tries to fight both, and every day he makes zero progress. Then rinse and repeat. Another loop. And if he's surrounded by people who were with him then - i.e. Fel and Em - it's also that 'hang on, hasn't this already happened?' Feels like yet another loop. "A hundred generations and still the same refrain," says Elgar'nan in Blood of Arlathan. It sure as hell seems like it. 

So I think Solas does things to ground himself just like he grounded Cole in DAI - what can he see today? what can he physically feel? what did he eat and did it have flavor? what noises are different? is the weather different? what is Dorian saying that he's never said before? Little things throughout the day to remind himself that he's not in some sinister evolution of the Sisyphian regret loop. 

It also "helps" that he can fall back on his old standby trauma response - denial and distance. He doesn't have to confront his regrets, because they're not looming over him in cold stone. He can try to bury and ignore them, and the world isn't inverted anymore to wrest control of that from him.

What would help more is if he actually talked about it, but that's anathema to Solas' character. Asking "is this real" inside your mind, which has been playing tricks on you for months, isn't terribly effective especially for someone like him who knows his mind can very well lie to him. Asking Dorian or someone he trusts would actually help - if your mind is playing tricks on you based on a set of pre-established rules, why would something conjured by your mind refute that and buck the pre-established rules? It could happen sure, but it's less likely than the alternative. But this is Solas. He's been so burned he can't trust enough to reach out in vulnerability. He's so prideful he can't ask for help and thinks only he can possibly have the solution to his problems.

[verflares]

hey!!!! i LOVE your totk fic and adore the way you write and was genuinely curious as to what your writing process is like?? i’m still trying to get to grips with writing but im stuck in the endless loop of editing while i write so i end up never finishing anything 😭😭

hello!! first of all, thank you so much! i get so ^_^ whenever someone tells me they enjoy my work, words can't express how much i appreciate it now, as to answer your question, i would say.... chaotic LMAO. it's a little difficult to put it into words, especially to describe it because like... how You do things feels natural, right? but umm... i usually have an idea of what i Want to happen in the chapter planned out before i start writing, so i'll divide it into chunks. i'll usually put a little synopsis of the scene in each to help both guide my direction and remind me of what i'm doing as i write. as someone who actually also prefers to edit as i write, i feel it's been a good method in making sure i don't get overwhelmed! especially if i'm having a slow or bad writing day. as for getting out of editing loops, my usual go-to is to just... leave it and move on. i'll do this either by putting a little comment next to it (something like, a very loose reminder or even an idea of how i want the paragraph or interaction to play out), or jumping ahead to a different part of the chapter entirely and chipping away at that instead. here's a little example (from a snippet of the next chapter i'm still working on lol):

by the time i come back to what was giving me trouble, i usually realise it's fine the way i left it, or writing ahead has given me some new ideas of how to pad it out properly! i feel what's most important and encouraging for me, personally, is Progress - and that can be non-linear, too! as long as i've chipped away at the chapter in some form or other, i feel happy.

this is what i mean by chaotic, because it's a bit... all over the place LOL. i also don't do first drafts for example 💀 (but this is also because editing as you go makes it mostly non-essential imo) but i dunno! everyone's creative process is different, and if you find yourself struggling with something, it may just be good to either step back or just chip away at something else for awhile! you may be surprised at what your brain will come up with in the meantime

finally, if i could offer one more piece of writing advice, it's Reading. read, read, read! whether it be fanfiction or published works, nothing - and i mean nothing - will help you more than reading. exposure to other people's styles, their prose, will genuinely help you so much in your approach to your own work, and even ideas for what you're struggling with! and i obviously don't mean plagiarism or anything like that either of course. i just mean that considering what you Enjoyed about that creator's work will help you develop your own, and in the process, creating your unique style and process. it's the same for art and music - the creative process, especially if you're still getting used to a hobby, is filled with evolution and finding out what you enjoy about it. try things out! see what works for you! have fun with it, and remember that you are creating for Yourself most of all. (reggie fils amie voice) because if its not fun, why bother

[veronika-tserber]

🌸A New Beginning🌸

If we were in a romantic relationship, now it'd be the right time to ask me the legendary "What are we?" question. I've been on and off with the blog, trying things out, disappearing, and reappearing again. It's time to elucidate the situation. (guess how much I wanted to use that word!)

First of all, happy New Moon in Taurus! ♉ It's a beautiful one, and I posted about it on Medium, so check that out if you're interested! 🌸Okay, it's a little late, but in my defense...time doesn't exist! 🤣

Folks, during the past few months, I've become utterly and irrevocably OBSESSED with DEGREES! I am dying to show you their magic and how they can bring any chart placement to life - be it natal, composite, progressed, etc...Versatility to the max! Degrees offer us mesmerizing insights and clues, and I genuinely believe that is the future of Astrology! There is no place for cut-and-dry explanations anymore. Perhaps that's why Tarot channels on Youtube have been BLOWING UP for the past few years. Human brains and souls are suckers for a good story!

I've also come to realize that I desperately need your help! I have 59+ drafts on Tumblr and more rotting in my brain. Help. Me. Out. There is so much I could write about that it becomes overwhelming to even begin (not to mention I'm 99% sure I have undiagnosed ADHD hehe). I believe most of it stems from the fact that:

👉🏻 I don't know who I am writing to, a.k.a I don't know much about you!

👉🏻 I am not sure if my posts are helpful or relevant to you at the time I'm posting them;

👉🏻 I just want to connect with you on a more personal level!

What to do, then?!

Well, a few months ago, I did 11 donation readings for some Tumblr folks and followers. It seems like they were helpful or at least interesting for most of them. It also made me feel pretty good! So, why not try it again?

Actually, I want to do similar readings on a regular basis but in a smaller format, and with loyal Tumblr users/followers. I want us to explore different placements and astrological phenomena, together! More polls, games, and stuff like that. I want to take care of my community and feel cared for by it, regardless of its size (hey, 850+ people are kind of a lot for my asocial arse!)

So, what would you say about exploring some progressed chart magic? I just checked out the symbols & gene key of my progressed Sun the other day, and it's a huge reason why I'm writing this post right now! Progressed charts are a great way to track our growth and evolution over time, and they can really put things in perspective for us. It's about acknowledging the season of life we are in and making the most of that energy.

So, what do you say? If you are interested in a progressed Sun DEGREE analysis, read my Masterpost and especially the "Ask Box" section before you pop in!

Write me your birth details in a similar fashion: "Born on 11th of March 1995, at 7:40 am in Berlin, Germany" OR if you know how to check out your Progressed Sun (that would be awesome), write it like this: "Sun in Aquarius at 14 degrees 36'. The minutes are important! :)

Available Slots: 3

Check back to see when the slots have been claimed (for now).

I'm looking forward to connecting with y'all! 🤍

- Foxbørn

ᴍᴀꜱᴛᴇʀʟɪꜱᴛ 1

ᴄʜᴀʀᴛ ʀᴇᴀᴅɪɴɢꜱ

ᴡᴀɴᴛ ᴛᴏ ʙᴜʏ ᴍᴇ ᴀ ᴄᴏꜰꜰᴇᴇ?

[cleekleequlee]

Courses I'd like to teach

A recent realization from reading Deleuze is the value of the virtual (vs. the actual) on its own. If dreams, inspirations and passions are not evaluated against the golden rule of actualization but as "a nice thing to have existed", so many things will be worth doing.

Along this line, I've been thinking (dreaming) of a question: what are the courses I would like to teach in the future? This not to say I'm ready to teach them, but a time stamp of the things that inspires me and make me curious. So far I thought of:

Creative Academic Writing

I'm still very much in love with Tim Ingold's writing as affective text. Although not as literate in reading literature (I envy my boys so much for their education nowadays), I always love to read all sorts of books on writing (lol). Yesterday I flipped through Lauren Fournier's book on autotheory, and thinking of citation as part of the narrative opens up so many possibilities.

It's funny that humanities are openning up to new forms of writing, while design self-censor for ligitimacy as science. A quick search shows that this term "Creative Academic Writing" is already out there. Definitely something I would like to explore more

Philosophy and design, or philosophy of design

I'm envious of the small group of people in organizational studies who are into philosophy and found each other as a group. People like Robert Chia, Chris Steyaert and Daniel Hjorth and Robin Bolt are the reason why I feel the organizational studies/enterpreneurship studies are not boring (the latter two wrote a book using Romanticism literature as a basis of their "seduction and play" model of entrepreneurship!)

On the other hand, it seems the philosophy that is driving design is pretty much random, determined by a few people who stumbled by design and decided to stay. The impression of Tony Fry talking about Heidegger is so deep and dominating. On the other hand anthropologist picked up design as some hope, but does it help them to break from structualism on the theory level? I'm surprised I haven't encountered any design theorist talking seriously about design, Deleuze and process philosophy (I"m sure they touched on Bergson for being "creative", but on process and duration as being? Please suggest if you know).

6 years after I came to design, the question of "what is design" finally morphed into "how do we understand design? what is the philosophy behind?" Some progress I guess..

Hong Kong and ecomodernism design, or The Political Economy of Chinese Contemporary Design

Well... these topics are tricky... but just thinking from the angle of talking about something not universal but local, relevant here and now. There is always the material/embodied aspects of ideology, and these aspects are perfect bridges to talk to "normal people" who are not so acquainted with theory. My eyes are still not so well trained, but that's something to work on!

Entrepreneuring your life

Since I read so much about the unconventional understanding of entrepreneurship, and really think it should be a way of living rather than making money, I think this can be a poststructuralism 101 course. Also trying to think out of the box of faculty of design...

Co-becoming

Co-becoming, co-evolution, correspondance... so many terms, but what are they really about? What are the mechanisms? Where to work on apart from lip service? I'll probably also sneakily blend in some content about embodiment, eco psychology and care...

---

Looking back at these "virtual" titles, they seem to tell something about the inspiration of my thesis. Dreams tell things, even day-dreams can be good material for psychoanalysis :)

What are your dream courses to teach?

Photo credit: M.C. Escher

[bluekat12345]

Pokemon Scarlet DLC: Indigo Disk review

(This will contain spoilers for Indigo Disk DLC for Pokemon Scarlet. Do Not Read if you don't want to be spoiled.)

This was epic! This was worth the wait, and it was amazing!

First off, Blueberry Academy looked great, I loved the uniforms we get, winter being my favorite, and all the Pokémon that was there, totally nostalgia! I really liked the way the school was designed, though I'm not sure if having a dorm room was really necessary, but i do appreciate having. While it looks like the one in Paldea, I do like the blue colors, since blue is my favorite color.

Though the battles were crazy tough, even my team of level 100 pokemon struggled and fainted. I don't understand why all the battles needed to be double battles. I know the school is really focused on battling, but surely more single battles wouldn't hurt.

Speaking of pokemon, the Pokémon you can get were amazing. I saw so many of my favorite pokemon from previous games here. While I didn't use the Pokémon much during the storyline, I did catch some, and even managed to train some to win in the Academy Ace Tournament. I was super happy to see the Alolan pokemon here! Haven't gotten any starters, but I'm not really focusing too much on those. While I'm still not sure about Archaludon, I found myself impressed with Hydrapple, I'm glad Dripplin got another evolution, makes me want to get one myself.

I also liked the characters. The BB Elite Four were great, but Drayton, I have mixed feelings about him, since I get what he was trying to do, but I felt like he didn't need to rub in Kieran's loss when the guy was already down. I was happy to see Carmine, certainly a better attitude than when we first met her and she seems like she's genuinely trying to help her brother and be a better sister to him. And of course Kieran, he is completely different than he was in the Teal Mask, but I still liked him. And like Carmine, I was actually worried about him and that grew as the story progressed. I actually felt bad beating him as BB League Champion. And when we went to Area Zero, I felt bad when Terapagos was about to go to me. I was actually a bit disappointed when even after he caught it, we still had to be the ones to keep it, but I'm glad he didn't mind that time. I hope to see the two siblings again soon. And Briar, I knew she was too obsessed with confirming Heath's findings in Area Zero, but I'm genuinely surprised she wasn't a surprised villain, especially how she was encouraging Kieran to catch and use Terapagos. Bit disappointed to be wrong about that, but I'll survive.

And of course, the storyline was amazing. I love how it picks up from where Teal Mask left off, with Kieran obsessed with getting stronger and Carmine wanting us to help us. I felt that was really well handled, especially with how things between us and Kieran would seem to get worse before finally getting better. The DLC handled our relationships quite well. However, I felt the actually Indigo Disk wasn't as focused on as the actually Teal mask was in its DLC. Like, the Teal Mask was more connected to Ogrepon while I felt the Indigo Disk had very little to do with Terapagos, aside from giving us access to the deeper levels of Area Zero to find it. Plus, the way we get the Disk was a bit anticlimactic to me, since Geeta just gives it to us, I was hoping the Inidigo Disk would be more a part of Terapagos or its backstop, but nope. Still, seeing more of Area Zero was beautiful and I want to explore more of it.

I honestly don't really have much to say about the club room or those BBQs. I'll do them if I'm bored, but I'm not too invested. It's cool to be able to change our throwing style, though.

Overall, this was amazing and worth the wait. Can't wait to explore more of Blueberry Academy.

[binomech]

As Newt watches the progression of slides, the evolution of ideas, it occurs to him that he can love this, that he does love this. His life, the science and people he’s filled it with; he can love the whole thing, just like he loves Mako, who is growing up to find that she doesn’t like him very much; like he loves Lightcap who walked straight and purposefully into her own death; he can stop holding a part of himself in reserve, because there’s no point. His species is running short on resources and making bad decisions.

He folds those memories that he holds like secrets into down into the extant, waiting whole of the relationship with Dr. Gottlieb he has rather than the ideal he thinks he wants; choking under gold dust in Manila; nights he spent in Cambridge re-reading Hermann’s emails on his phone, chewing on the collar of his t-shirt; things he has written, things he has said, the way that Lightcap used to tease him in the dark of the deployment dock, better make your move, kiddo, before he goes for a passing physicist like she thought the whole thing was an inevitability.

Dear Hermann, Newt thinks, composing a new letter as he watches the trail of data he knows almost as well as his own. Do you miss it? The way we used to write to one another? I do. All the time. I’m not sure I’ve ever mentioned it directly, though you likely suspect as much, given that I write you one of these things every six months or so. It’s a little bit juvenile. Sorry about that. Story of my life, as you know. I’m trying not to make this letter about me, but I’m already failing, only six sentences in. Narcissism’d. This afternoon I went to your talk. I sat in the back and watched you layer five years of quantum detail overtop the same theoretical framework you sent me in the fall of 2013. I still have that letter, you know. I kept it. In fact, I kept all your letters. I’m glad I did—I like to remember the people we were then, before we knew one another, before we knew so many of the things we know now. Sometimes, when I look back at those letters, it feels like we can still effect a change. Shut the breach. Protect the coastline. Come to some kind of equilibrium. Communicate with the kaiju, Star Trek style. Where’s a telepath when you need one, am I right? Though, I suppose we have the Drift now, so there’s something insane/inspired for the Geiszlerian cognitive backburner…human/kaiju drifting. Thoughts? Nevermind; I’m sure you’re horrified.

It was a magnificent talk. You are aware of this, correct? It was not just magnificent by the standard of your usual talks. It was a magnificent talk by any standard you might care to name. Historically, I might have listed all the professional accolades I thought might come your way, but [and this is one of the perks of actually knowing you] I suspect it will mean more if I say what I really think; that this is the best kind of science. Hypothesis leads to discovery. Salient, ground-breaking, profound. I think a lot about the bounded end of the human species, and if this is the last major concept humanity cracks wide open, I think it’s a good one to go out on. Doing science right to the end. And hey, you never know. Maybe we’ll live. Maybe we’ll figure something out. Empirical progress gives me hope. You give me hope. You’ve always given me hope, really, right from that first letter.

I think that maybe you thought I’d be different. Older. More mature. Better looking, more composed, less loud, more thoughtful. Taller. [Ha.] Not the kind of guy who’s going to go out and get tasteless tattoo after tasteless tattoo. Not the kind of guy who falls apart as often as I do and gets restive and angry and shouts down a room full of people representing the inevitable and misguided future. Even though we aren’t quite what we expected of one another, we still have that core connection, and we’ll always have that. The thing that made me ask you the question that I asked. The thing that made you give the answer that you gave. You’re kind of my fave, buddy, and I have the feeling that you don’t really know that. So now you do. You. My favorite. Since 2013. If that seems too early, well, what can I say. I have low standards and fewer close friends than one might expect given my totally charming personal style. I’m better on paper. If this were real life, we’d be shouting by this point, probably about something peripheral that looks central in the heat of the moment.

This letter dead ends there, and Newt gives it up, lets it go, watches it sink into the Dagobian swamp of his mind, lost X-wing style.

He leaves the auditorium before the question and answer period is over, but not before his seatmate, who is, apparently, the editor of Nature Kaiju Science presses a business card into his hand. He walks quickly through the lobby, his head down, his hands in his pockets, and squints in the yellow-toned light of a sinking sun.

Out of Many Scattered Things by cleanwhiteroom

[official-lixy]

It frustrates me how much of a branding problem a lot of leftist ideas have. Phrases like "defund the police" or "prison abolition" are guaranteed to cause pushback, because conservatives and right wingers aren't sitting down and actually educating themselves on what buzzphrases like "defund the police" actually mean. They see "defund the police" and whether through actual or feigned ignorance, paint a picture of out-of-touch leftists arguing for something stupid or unreasonable and completely ignoring the facts and evidence supporting these ideas; centrists and liberals will um and ah about how its unfeasible or too radical without actually engaging with the topic at the level it needs to be understood. And I don't even necessarily know there's anything anyone can do about that. What else are people supposed to say?

The left has a brand issue where the problems of the world are complicated and nuanced, and the solutions the left pose are often just as complicated and nuanced in return while the right gets to sit back and make broad, simple and easily understandable statements. "Build a wall" isn't any more complicated than it sounds when you boil it down. "Tough on crime" is just that. Sure there are some nuances, but can anyone seriously say they were swayed by either of those until they dug deeper and saw what they really meant? No. You get the complete picture from those simple phrases. Something like "defund the police" though? If you're not already engaged in the discourse, what are you meant to make of that? If you have the right education or experiences or background you can absolutely get what thats meant to mean, but if you're a white, middle class, middle aged democrat whose biggest concern is about your safety or your property? Looking at it at the surface you might be reticent, or scandalised by the idea. And again, I don't really know what you can say to change that without having to sit down and explain the theory and policy something like that actually entails.

It just feels like the right is so much more united. They can rally behind the simplest phrases and talking points because they have a shared understanding of what their aims are. Resist change, establish supremacy, maintain control, exercise power. They're not picky. On the other side, the left has to be talked around to agreeing on what we should be doing, where our focus should be, who should be taking responsibility. We can't agree on anything. And in a vacuum removed from actual politics and reality, I think that's a good thing. We're engaged with the topics, we're debating, researching, talking about things. But when we're trying to enact change and solve problems its like we can't stop tripping over each other.

And if frustrates me. Because its a fundamental part of being progressive. Change and evolution and thinking about things are part of that. I don't know what we can do about it

[nono-bunny]

I'm pretty sure what Mai gives the Kiryuus to keep them warm are actually scarves rather than blankets given that they wear them around their necks- unless they're just being like, really weird and no one bothered to correct them lmao

The gif you attached here is probably straight up my favorite shot in the franchise so far, it was BEAUTIFUL!!

I know Kaoru and Michiru come back at the end of the season (and apparently appear in Otona which is cool!), somehow, but I got very attached to them and I'm really sad that very soon they're likely just gonna be missing for like twenty episodes. They're the natural evolution of Kiriya in all aspects, and as much as it is a rehashing of the same thing they did with him it still works just as well- even better, actually, because being given more time with them than we got with Kiriya really helped establish their connection to the world at large rather than just to (one of) the cures. Also, I can just tell that when the show was airing there were absolutely girls that found themselves relating to them the most- their alien, fish out of water vibes aren't too dissimilar from how being in school can feel like sometimes, and I'm glad that the show made it a point to have others acknowledge that they're weird, but still just as worthy of and as friends.

This episode did a subtle thing I really liked, which was refer to off-screen events in a way that fleshes out the daily life of these girls more than what we get to see. Specifically, apparently Michiru went out of her way to tutor Saki- we never see that happening, it isn't actually relevant, but knowing that even when we don't see them the Kiryuu sisters keep getting more attached to the cures and to their new lives on the Land of Greenery feels important. Ironically enough, initially I thought Michiru would be the one to get attached quickly, but she hasn't really had the equivalent personal progress to Kaoru, so this kinda felt like a way to balance things out a bit without "wasting time" on a Michiru focused episode- personally I wouldn't have complained about more Kiryuu episodes lol, I doubt anyone would but tbf they probably wanted to get to the next general soon because we already kinda get how things are gonna end with the Kiryuus. This also reaffirms that these two do indeed act independently sometimes- we just don't get to see it because we basically only see the days where attacks happen lol

I'm genuinely a really big fan of how they portray the different strengths of Saki and Mai. In the Kiryuus' first episode when they got into the fight with Hitomi and the cures split up to try and smooth things over, both of them achieved their goal through their different methods- Saki used her endless positivity and optimism to cheer up Hitomi, and Mai used mostly pathos to convey to the Kiryuus why they hurt Hitomi. This episode on the other hand once again showed Saki's tendency to see the best in everyone and make friends out of them which really impacts the Kiryuus, with Mai who is the more observant and cautious of the two realizing that something's wrong before Saki's naivety can hurt her too much. Idk how much sense I'm making with this, but my point is that I really enjoy the balance these two have in regards to how they approach things.

Also, hurray to Kazuya for always being charming and sweet and rarely disruptive to the overall narrative- he's fr such an improvement over Fujipi, and I was glad to see him appear for a bit this episode. Saki's "call me ____" recurring gag is cringy and funny in all the right ways, and it's definitely more easily digestible than Nagisa becoming basically incapable of speech next to her crush every time. Idk if the one sided crush works better this season because the object of affection is more interesting or if because they just got better at balancing the focus and magnitude given to it, but if future seasons have more romance, I hope they keep it up and don't slide backwards haha

Precure Day 119

Episode: Futari wa Precure Splash Star 21 - “Shine in the Night Sky! Starlight Friends” Date watched: 6 May 2019 Original air date: 2 July 2006 Screenshots: https://imgur.com/a/M57LaTA Project info and master list of posts: http://tinyurl.com/PCDabout

I think I’ll try defying gravity

Keep reading

[creature-wizard]

I told my big sister about leaving a New Age group because I could no longer excuse its bigotry, and she said I should have stayed on to try to help "reform" it into something more progressive. Please elaborate on why that is a terrible, terrible idea.

Sure, no problem!

So let's pretend for the moment that New Age actually could be reformed, and that pseudoscience and chauvinism aren't baked into its very foundations. Even if it could be reformed, you might not have all the skills or emotional resilience that you'd need to get anywhere with it. It's okay to admit that you just aren't prepared or equipped to deal with a problem.

Also, you are just one person, and New Age is so full of people with their heads shoved completely up their asses that you'd likely burn yourself out very quickly without accomplishing anything. There's just no arguing with people who think Graham Hancock and their own personal gnosis about the Lemurian-Atlantean hyperwar are more valid than actual scientific research. It would be a poor use of your time.

Now let's examine the reasons New Age simply cannot be reformed.

First of all, it proposes that the world cannot and will not get better unless more and more people are converted to New Age. In fact, New Age even goes so far to say that the conversion is an inevitable part of Earth's evolution, sort of like a spiritual Manifest Destiny. The endgame is the eradication of all other religions, which is genocide. To admit this is wrong and that other people should generally be left to their current religions would be to admit that New Age is wrong. You wouldn't really be a New Ager anymore if you stopped believing in this.

Secondly, no amount of assuming that you understand other people's spiritual traditions better than they do can ever be progressive. The whole perennialist "we're all just seeking unity with the Divine Source, so our religions are actually the same at their core" sentiment is spiritual colonialism. It ignores and flattens the (often extreme) differences between religious traditions for the sake of assimilating everyone into a sort of bland post-Christian universalism. To admit that this isn't actually desirable would be to reject the assertion that New Age a superior religion, and thereby reject the idea that converting people to it is a necessary step in making social and economic progress. Again, you're not really a New Ager anymore once you do this.

Many New Agers feel quite certain that New Age must be an overall positive thing because it speaks to their compassionate and idealistic sides. However, you can be compassionate and idealistic in many religions, including ones that don't push eugenics and colonialism. Whatever genuinely positive things are enshrined in New Age, they also exist elsewhere, and you're probably going to have a much more fulfilling experience if you seek out these other communities. There are so many alternatives with so much to offer, and I hope your sister can come to recognize that.

[bts-weverse-trans]

210104 Weverse Magazine ‘Be’ Comeback Interview - Suga

SUGA “I'm grateful that there are still unvisited areas in the world of music” BTS BE comeback interview 2021.01.04

SUGA has this way of talking passionately with a deadpan look on his face. Full of passion about his life and music.

How is your shoulder? SUGA: Good. I think it’ll get even better once I take off this brace. Apparently, it takes several months for a full recovery, but I'm trying to get better as fast as possible.

How does it feel like to have resolved a problem that has distressed you for long? SUGA: First of all, I'm glad. The pain is one thing, but when my shoulders got worse, I couldn't even raise my arms. But when I heard that this might recur when getting the surgery at a young age, I waited for the right time and had decided to get it done early next year regardless of the COVID-19 situation. I had planned to get the surgery after the year-end stages, but I got it done this year (2020) because my doctors advised me to start preparing early for next year’s promotions and activities.

How does it feel like watching the other members doing promotions? SUGA: I can't say it feels great. I could see the emptiness because we've been together as a group of seven for so long. Not necessarily because I'm not there but because something that should be there is missing?

Is that what made you join the promotion as much as possible? You shot lots of video footage in advance and you even appeared in the Mnet “2020 MAMA” through VR. SUGA: Fake SUGA (Laughs). There’s this 3D studio where we shot it. I shot, scanned, and acted there, but couldn't see the actual result at the studio. I thought a sense of displacement was unavoidable, and that was exactly the case. (Laughs) I acted normal because it would have been aired anyway even if I hadn’t had the surgery, but it seems a lot because it’s aired after the surgery.

You must feel restricted not being able to go on stage. SUGA: The thing is, it's only been a month after I got surgery, but my absence on stage is so apparent. But my doctors keep telling me that I shouldn't be impatient and in fact, many athletes get a resurgery when they return to the field without proper rehabilitation. So I'm working on trying to care less. For the first two weeks after surgery, I felt so frustrated that I tried out new things. I even watched movies I didn't watch.

What movies did you watch? SUGA: I watched ‘Samjin Company English Class’ as it happened to be on IPTV, and now I have ‘Tenet’ on my list. ‘Parasite’ was the last movie I saw at a cinema. As the social distancing measures became stricter, I haven’t been going outside, except going to the hospital. I even eat at home. I'm also watching a lot of TV nowadays. Watching music shows like ‘Sing Again’, ‘Folk Us’, and ‘Show Me The Money 9’ made me think of what I should do in the upcoming days.

Could you elaborate on that? SUGA: A lot of candidates on ‘Sing Again’ are very talented but hadn't had the opportunity, and on ‘Folk Us’, I noticed that many took their own guitars on stage. I started playing the guitar lately and I'm having this urge to broaden my scope of music. And since my interest in the music industry in the U.S. grew, I'm getting prepared, studying English and all.

What fueled your interest? SUGA: In some ways it’s the most commercially developed market. You could lose the industry attention in a flash if it's not feasible. So in this system, you would try everything and that would be an efficient way. I want to do music for a long time, and to this end, I always want to learn more about the global music industry because I want to do music that’s loved not only in Korea, but also in the U.S., Japan and Europe.

Speaking of which, it seems BE was influenced from music of the past rather than today's trends. SUGA: I especially like impromptu music. I love the songs that were made in one take instead of being recorded several times. In this era of crossover genres, the desire to do better in music is growing inside me.

As the genres become more blended, the melody you use must be more important. Does starting to play the guitar affect your composing in any way? SUGA: I always liked using guitar sounds. And I have always liked the Eagles. If you play the guitar, it’s way easier to write songs because you can carry it along wherever you go, pluck on the strings to create melody lines. Keyboards are difficult to carry around. (Laughs) I usually work on my laptop but I had this thought that I definitely needed an instrument. It accelerates my work and improves my understanding of chords.

It makes me think you could intuitively make melodies. SUGA: It’s easier to write a song because you can intuitively make a progression and try many different things. During my work on ‘Eight’, IU had recorded and sent me a song from her phone. At the time I couldn’t play the guitar, so we tried to make sure we’re working on the same page when keeping track of each other's progress. That made me feel the need to learn an instrument.

This is actually before you started playing the guitar, but I found ‘Telepathy’ in BE very interesting. The varying melodic progressions between hooks for each member made me wonder if you wrote the melody intuitively for each part. SUGA: I tried writing a melody for the first time this year (2020), and as I started knowing the fun of music, it opened a lot of new doors for me. So it was kind of easy working on it. I just played a beat and wrote from the beginning until the end. Done. I wrote it in just 30 minutes. The song almost wrote itself. The trends of pop and hip-hop these days cross boundaries between vocals and rap. I like this trend.

When I listen to your singing, it feels like you’re hitting the beats rather than singing along the notes. So I thought perhaps you're singing as if you're rapping. SUGA: When you're rapping, you just think of the rhythm, so it’s like simply putting on a melody to a rhythm. To define which comes first, I think melody adds to it while writing the rap.

In ‘Life Goes On’, the lyrics ‘Thankfully between you and me, nothing’s changed’ are somewhere in between. It's not rap but it’d be mundane to say it's a mere melody. SUGA: There are obviously songs where the rap needs to be highlighted. For example, in ‘Dis-ease’ or ‘Ugh!’, you have to be good at rap. But in songs that should be easy to listen to, impressive raps are not always the way to go. Sometimes, you want smooth transitions without obstacles.

In that sense, the rap flow of ‘Blue & Grey’ was impressive. Rather than a dramatic effect that emphasizes each part, you extended the rap just as much as the slowing beat. SUGA: To be honest, this beat is difficult to rap to. The beginning of the song only has a guitar line, which made it even more difficult. I participated when we wrote lyrics for ‘Blue & Grey’ and I've always wanted to work on a song like this. It was because verse 1 talks about the theme of the song.

It seems you achieved almost everything that you wanted in BE. SUGA: I think it took less than a week to make my part in the album. After having written one or two melodies for ‘Life Goes On’, I wrote a version complete with rap, and liked it that I even worked on a separate arrangement and lyrics. Rather than pondering over the ways that might work, I choose to simply play the music and write.

Many creators are unsure even after they’ve produced good work. How do you get the conviction to release your work? SUGA: Many musicians are unsure whether they should release their music or not. It was the same for me, but the thing is, you’ll never release anything if you nitpick everything. For example, if we release 10 songs, we have a chance to unveil them in concerts or fan events. And sometimes, as we listen to the song, we think, ‘Why does this part that had bothered me no longer bother me?’ Some things might feel awkward at some point, but in time, it no longer feels awkward. Even I forget about it. So it's more efficient to fine tune, looking at the big picture, rather than thinking too much about the details. On top of that, during promotions, I don’t have the time to pick tracks that others have sent for 10 hours. It would be a success for all of us if each of us play and write a melody in their own time and collaborate with others on the details. So the way of songwriting has evolved in many aspects.

What motivated such evolution? SUGA: I think it evolved naturally. I've changed in personality this year (2020), as well as in terms of my interpretation and attitude toward life to the extent that I almost thought I've been rehearsing. How would it feel like if there were no stage to go to or anyone looking out for me? This thought made me realize the value of these things.

In ‘Dis-ease’, you sing ‘I don’t know if it’s the world that's sick’. Was it this lifestyle that changed your thoughts about your work? SUGA: Yes. When I was young, I had embraced the belief that ‘It must be my fault’, but as I got older, I realized that this is not always true. Most of what I had thought was my fault was in fact, not my fault. On the other hand, there are things that I did well and times I had been lucky.

‘I NEED U’ came out during a time when you were still thinking, “It must be me”. After the members put on a stage with ‘I NEED U’ in KBS' ‘Song Festival’, you wrote on Weverse, “It’s the same as five years ago.” How would you compare with back then? (This interview was held on December 19, 2020.) SUGA: We've matured quite a bit. And our stage performances have become more natural. I still like ‘I NEED U’. Just listening to the beat makes me sentimental, and above all, the song came out nicely. So as I was watching this and that when I stumbled across old videos. Watching them made me think that we haven’t changed much.

In what aspect haven't you changed much? SUGA: Before the social distancing measures got stricter, I talked with the photographer for BE, whom I had met four years ago. The photographer was surprised that we hadn’t changed much after all the success, even though he had assumed we’d be very different.

I'm amazed personally. I’ve had the chance to meet the members before your debut, but from your way of talking with members or others, it seems you haven't changed. SUGA: I think it's because we don’t give it a big deal about success. For example, it's incredible to be ranked first on the Billboards, but there’s also this sense of, “Okay, and?”

Even the Grammys? (Laughs) SUGA: When we got nominated for the Grammy Awards, we thought, ‘Is this real?’ (Laughs) Of course we were delighted, but it didn’t make us think, ‘We're singers nominated for the Grammy.’ If you're nominated, you're nominated, and if you get the award, you get the award. You don't get shaken by that. I know it's a great award and would be so grateful if we receive it, but we know that nothing is possible without the tremendous support of our fans. What’s more important is that the fans are more flattered than us when we receive a great award. So everyone's rejoicing, but it’s like, ‘Let's do what we have to do.’ We've been training ourselves to keep finding our places, so no one remains overexcited.

In ‘Fly To My Room’, there are lyrics that say, ‘This room is too small to contain my dream’, and ‘Sometimes this room becomes an emotional trash can, but it embraces me.’ I had this feeling that the room had been such a place and that you were accepting that you have changed. Then the essence must have remained the same. SUGA: It wasn’t easy to accept that we eventually change. But I think it's a good thing that we changed. What we did back then was possible only at that time, and we could change because of the things we had accomplished.

Then, what new things are you dreaming about? SUGA: I'm eager to continue doing music. Since all performances were canceled due to COVID-19, I had a chance to talk to so many musicians in Korea. I talked with legendary singers as well as people who are my contemporaries. Talking with them once again made me realize that I love music so much. Because music is my profession, I can’t imagine myself not doing it. I'm grateful that there are still unvisited areas in the world of music.

What kind of music do you think you’ll be engaged in in the future? SUGA: I was greatly motivated when I saw the concert of Na Hoon-a last Chuseok . I wondered how many musicians would actually be able perform and write music for so long like he has. At that moment, it occurred to be that ‘I want to be like him’. He has passion and desire, and most of all, he is a superstar. A few years ago, I took my parents to a Na Hoon-a concert, and when they watched the performance last Chuseok, they said it was way less impressive to see him perform through the TV. (Laughs)

That must explain your interest in a broader spectrum of music from instruments to composing and musical genres. Because you want to be doing this for a long time. SUGA: My goal is to continue doing music in any shape or form. In that sense, I have this great respect toward Cho Yong-pil. He takes the best sound there is and reinterprets it into his own. I think that’s something I want to emulate and keep changing and evolving so that I can continue doing music for decades to come.

The lyrics ‘Thankfully between you and me nothing’s changed’ must sound more meaningful for the fans because they will be listening to your music for a long time. SUGA: A month and a half in the current times must seem like a lifetime for the fans when we're far apart. I feel the same. But I think that's proof that we worked hard for the past seven years and that the fans have been passionately reaching out to us. I'm striving to get to them as fast as I can, and I'm eager to go on stage. I'm going through this because I want to be better on stage in a better condition, so don't be sad, and please hang in there a little longer.

Trans © Weverse