#I took some time away and all that

[loadinghellsing]

How do you think Alucard and Anderson would confess their feelings to each other?

How do you think Anderson deals with coming to terms with his feelings towards Alucard?

When it comes to Alucard and Anderson's dynamic, majority of their feelings are understood without ever being spoken or directly acknowledged. So for them to confess, truly confess, I don't see it coming naturally to either of them. Alucard needs a shove, and Anderson needs a bit of coaxing.

(WARNING: LONG POST - goes into depth beneath cut)

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While Alucard shamelessly flirts with and praises Anderson at every opportunity. His admiration, awe, amusement, and thrill all evident. Because Anderson is a willing, capable opponent who shares beliefs parallel to Vlad's own. He's eager, passionate, and raw with his humanity. And he's capable of taking a hit and outliving those who are doomed by time alone. Alucard can endlessly adore him in specific and concept.

However, for Alucard to admit he loves Anderson. That he cares for him, both mentally and physically. Is an entirely different matter. To confess that he'd prioritize Anderson's needs over his own, is the type of commitment that distinguishes love (platonic or romantic), from obsession. It's an intimate and vulnerable feeling. So even if he acts on these emotions, the only way I see Alucard confessing to the hold Anderson has on his heart is when the honesty of that care is challenged.

It's confessed as a pained, furious scream. Not directed at Anderson, but at himself. Reflective of what it implies about his humanity, both past and present. It's confessing not only how important Anderson is to him, and the entirety of what that means. But it'd be a visceral moment where every word would burn his throat. Because it confesses how what remains of his humanity longs for Anderson, yet it's humanity he gave up. So it hardly matters, not when it all ends the same.

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Contrast of Alucard, is Anderson. He's a naturally caring person, and to a degree, he's honest about his feelings. Including those for Alucard. In the heat of combat, they're easily set aside. But provided a moment of calm, of comfort and safety; he wouldn't deny that truth. Confessed feelings with all the fondness, protectiveness, honesty, pity, and love he has. Perhaps tired and defeated by the weight of those words, but they'd be genuine in their entirety.

However, extracting a compliment-based confession from Anderson would be a near impossible feat. It's not a matter of him 'denying his feelings'. But the challenge of acknowledging those feelings in relation to Alucard being a vampiric monstrosity. And admitting that he finds such a creature beautiful,  a cosmic event functioning as a living force. A stunning, yet damning storm. It's a thought infinitely harder for Anderson to admit.

Any praise would be admitting his sins to the greatest sinner he knows. Perhaps over time, he'd make a quip or two. But it would remain a rare indulgence. He'd never be fully comfortable with it, but it's not entirely denied. Because it's a form of damnation he'd indulge in with Alucard. Since the idea of being condemned together isn't entirely unappealing.

---

In the end, it's Anderson struggling with damnation, and Alucard struggling with salvation. It's hard to tell who's leading who. If ones falling or the others rising. Majority of their relationship is deciding it doesn't truly matter. They lie somewhere in the between, where it is neither night nor day.

[foldingfittedsheets]

Oh my god, poverty brain makes big purchases so freakin scary. I know I need a laptop. I will have tons of downtime at work and I can't cart my three monitor gaming PC into work on slow days. So I need a laptop. I had some help picking a really good one and it's gonna do the stuff I need. But it's still such a big chunk of money. *Sweats* I have done it. But it was hard.

Luckily it sounds like my accommodation is getting reviewed for real this time and I should have more freetime at the small store and on my days off to take commissions again! I can also resume working on my comics as I've got a tablet going spare that I can take with, so all that is very exciting.

[oneday-yourside]

Harry's world/Bad end

Inspired by Christina's world by Andrew Wyeth

[poisonouspastels]

I wish more people would weigh out the demand of how "realistic" something is regarding horror media thats supposed to be around a certain time era or within certain limitations with the fact that if it WERE 100% accurate to what it's trying to represent, it'd probably be lame as hell.

[kit-screams-into-the-future]

wanted to try my hand at a fake screenshot thing with a scene from one of the bttf fics of all time, Time Is a Flat Circle by @fourth-dimensional-thinker! i set in to draw only the "little canary" line but. as you can tell. my hand slipped and fell down a 6 story building

if you haven't read it already please check it out PLEASEEE it's very good. i read the whole thing in basically one sitting. the vibes are perfect for the spooky season too!

versions without the filter/subtitles under the cut:

[pasta-pardner]

spotify | john marston's revenge quest, set to music from 1960s spaghetti westerns.

Fun detail: the opening cutscene for Red Dead Revolver (2004) features an instrumental version of "His Name Is King". The lyrical version is oddly fitting for John, given that it's a song about seeking vengeance for a dead brother.

[kendallroygf]

btw this is probably one of the most insane and telling scenes in regards to stewy nd kendall. like the stewy-marcia interaction first off. the way it’s so clearly paralleling kenstewy with logan and marcia. stewy and marcia literally watch their respective persons in silence. also important to note that stewy was one of the first ppl to greet logan when he arrived probably bc he knew that one of the first things logan was going to do was approach kendall and he wanted to get in there first to gauge the situation + logan. but stewy’s concern for kendall in regards to what could happen when he’s in close proximity to logan is so clear and almost synonymous with marcia’s own concern/love for logan at this point. like it seems intentional that they were shown to be like. logan and kendall’s respective partners here

[sluckythewizard]

[PUT INTO PLACE, TIED DOWN AND ARRANGED, AND IS NEVER THE SAME, AGAIN.]<-listen to my favorite songs. VAMPIRES ARE WONDERFUL ARENT THEY. THE FLESH IS SO MUCH MORE DURABLE. SO MUCH STRETCHIER THAN HUMANS. THE STRESS DOESNT KILL A VAMPIRE THE SAME WAY IT DOES A HUMAN. YOU CAN TAKE THEM APART THREAD BY THREAD AND LEAVE THEM WIDE AWAKE WITHOUT WORRY OF THE BRAINMATTER SPOILING UNDER VINEGARY AGONY.

[arom-antix]

@fishshit I consider your post canon so I made it

Edit: I FOUND IT

Edit 2: Yakov trauma

Edit 3: I lied, here's the design rant

Edit 4: Updated design!

[mishy-mashy]

Shinomori is cute. Here's a post.

He is so baby-faced. He hasn't changed at all since he was 22, to when he died of "old age" at 40

(Old age? With a face like that? 40 years old?? Gimme that kind of youth and hotness Shinomori-)

He has tiny eyebrows. Like a puppy's (rottweiler's, for example). So cute and tiny and fuffy

He naturally frowns. Look at him and his mouth and his lil nose

He has a thing about keeping his arms near his chest. He sits with his arms crossed, introduces himself with his hands over his torso, and even walks with his arms crossed toward Midoriya

He has such clear skin for someone who lived the rest of his life in a forest??? Why do Hikage and Yoichi have such nice skin despite living in terrible environments? (forest and vault + abandoned streets respectively)

Is easily scared

They knew their Quirks could be used, but Shinomori got scared of it when it happened. Even though he gave Midoriya his support and access to his Quirk beforehand. Depending on the translation; "it startled me", "you scared me", "it surprised me"

I'm not going to hold running from AFO against him because he knew he was running for his life. Who wouldn't run for their life when it's in danger? Shinomori was being chased by the strongest person in the country (and likely the world)

His sense of self-preservation is probably heightened by the nature of his Quirk to keep him out of danger too. Which makes him all the more sensitive and jumpy to danger and anything that startles him, especially when he has no warning

He's actually extremely tall, but is so socially inept and jumpy it's adorable. He's taller than Bruce.

Bruce is as tall as a vault door that the 2m AFO used.

(Meanwhile Kudo is down there-)

He has such a bad sense of humor that it's cute (his puns off Danger Sense)

It's also adorable how Shinomori just doesn't understand social conventions sometimes. He lived in a forest, so it made sense, but also— Midoriya shows up in the void to the vestige platform for the first time. He has no mouth, no clothes—and Shinomori's first idea is to stand in front of him menacingly and go: "I shall explain. I am Shinomori Hikage." SIRRRR

This.

His Ability is basically like glorified anxiety. What if something is coming to hurt him? If something can hurt him? What if that tree falls while he's under it? And the ideas come so hard they hurt (although yes, it does detect ill intent and that's what sets it off)

He talks weirdly. Formal? Old-fashioned? Listening to him speak Japanese compared to others, it just sounds a bit different. (Translated subs don't show it very well, it's the voice itself methinks)

"This too, is destiny." *about Midoriya having OFA*

Kinda wise or sage-y. He did spend his life in solitude in the forests so he definitely spent a lot of time with his own thoughts. Maybe he found the meaning of life in a centipede or something one day

For someone so cute, he is also such. A fine. Specimen???

Look at those back muscles, dang.

LOOK AT HIS CALVES AND ARMS DANG.

[yourgamemasterthewhiterabbit]

Both my parents actually suffer from HORRID emotional dysregulation and are prone to snapping and going into rages. My sister is the same way tbh. I am now realizing this is why they are constantly baffled by the question of whether or not I am mad at them.

I don't have external meltdowns.

I could. I don't let it happen.

I keep my rage on the inside and stay pretty quiet about it. It's just as strong as theirs [physically shaking nose bleed from high blood pressure kind of bad], but like as a kid I saw how terrifying it was to be around [dad breaking dishes, mom putting our lawn chairs into walls] and I just internalized that I wasn't going to wear that anger on the outside.

So my mother genuinely cannot tell if I am just being quiet or if I am silently hearing the dial-up noises of pure rage. This has lead her to both making strong and confident statements like "You are a pacifist who would never hurt a fly U.U" but also acting like I am secretly dangerous maybe... It's because she has never seen me snap.

She knows what her temper is like [throwing chairs through walls], she knows what my father's temper is like [pick up child and toss out door], and she can tell I am being tested, but she doesn't know what happens when I snap or where that breaking point is.

Her -perhaps unhinged- solution to this, my whole life, has been to do things that should obviously enrage me or shut me down completely, like ignoring important boundaries, repeatedly, punishing me for expressing emotions or needs at all, etc... And then to constantly ask me if I am angry with her when I get too quiet [right after near directly telling me to shut up].

It has occurred to me now, they have never once seen me lose my temper, so they literally just can't tell if I am angry at them. My sister is easy, my mother fights and screams with my sister constantly, my mother understands this. My mother doesn't have any grasp of feelings or boundaries that are not screamed at her [apparently, and I fear my sister is the same way]. Her and my sister are close despite constant fucking fighting because they understand each other.

They are trying to get me to engage the same way and it is not working. I realize now that this has been hard for them.

I was so successfully taught to suppress my emotions, by being punished for any outburst, that rage quiet looks the same as any other kind of quiet from the outside. To them anyway.

I did tell her. For the record. I used my words. I did tell her very calmly that my response to rage, in order to avoid doing the things that terrified me as a child, was to simply leave [the autistic urge to GTFO]. When a situation or person causes too much of the dial-up rage noise, I simply extract myself from that situation, up to and including never speaking to a person again. I explained this calmly. I explained it calmly 100 times and I explained that I explain myself calmly as my rage response 1-5 [also pretty much every other negative emotion tbh], and I told her that what came next was me simply opting out and fucking off. I told her this. I couldn't understand why she never took me seriously, or why she never fucking understood.

I couldn't understand what made her like this.

But it's the same problem I have with everyone else multiplied by a factor of 10.

If I am explaining myself calmly, they can't understand that it's actually serious or that I am actually upset. ESPECIALLY because they read me as "female" and women "aren't that rational" so if I am not screaming and crying about something, which I never do, people assume I can't be upset and it isn't serious.

And then after having my boundaries ignored too many times despite having calmly explained how and why it's a problem [shaking inside or not]... I leave. I leave and everyone gets upset like this is unexpected behaviour, even though I told them 50 times that is how I would respond if they kept doing *the thing.*

And for neurotypical people especially, they are expecting there to be a disconnect between what someone says they need or feel and what their actually boundaries and feelings are, and they expect the latter to be demonstrated with emotions. Telling them bluntly you do not function that way somehow never helps?

My mother isn't just looking for normal yelling or a few tears to know I am serious, whether or not I do those either [I don't], she's looking for an explosion to know there's a problem at all.

Fucked if I know how she proceeds through life this way in general or if this is just her expectation of her own kids???

And I couldn't get why my mother couldn't read my emotions and didn't seem to think I have any. It's because she's testing for the rage limit to see where my 'actual' limit is instead of taking my word for it. Never the fuck mind that she could simply *not* test at my boundaries instead of letting me have them. Separate issue.

I couldn't figure out what made her *like this*

She's expecting me to throw a giant meltdown violent tantrum at people when I have 'actually' had enough. Maybe she got away with those being like 5'4" in another time, but I am the size of the average man, I do not get to have giant screaming rages, whether or not people perceive me consciously as a woman, and least of all because a lot of people -at least unconsciously- read me as 'masculine' or at least always "they guy" of the situation compared to all other women and some men [bigger stronger and more rational, more able to just absorb the damage and let it go so the less rational screaming/crying one doesn't have to be dealt with]. Even if it was in me to be willing to terrify people [usually never], there are such limited instances where it wouldn't just blow back on me. Potentially very dangerously.

I am going to be the quiet calm one. You are going to have to let me use my words, bitch.

So she kept ignoring my boundaries until I had to cut her out of my life, and she probably doesn't understand and probably thinks it feels sudden -after 36 long years of bullshit- abrupt and unfair.

But I told her hundreds of times.

I probably should have just screamed at her.

[trekkele]

youd think the whole … literally separated into two bodies would have clued people in, but apparently it isnt obvious enough that Zur isnt Bruce? And possibly isnt even based on Bruce at all? Not just in a “my own worst impulses outgrew me” way but in a “my teacher violated my consent and implanted a horrific version of my alter ego into my mind” way. Like. Hello??

[angelnumber27]

It’s so embarrassing and heartbreaking being in so much pain over losing someone while knowing they don’t give a fuck if you live or die. Your favorite person becoming a stranger is a special kind of hell.

[bookrat]

Pretty sure my little man has a case of abundism affecting the marble tabby coat under all those white splotches

[zappedbyzabka]

Sacrificial lamb and all that

[theflyingfeeling]

I think today I will cry about BC not making tour vlogs anymore 😔