#analysis and headcanon stuff

[loadinghellsing]

How do you think Alucard and Anderson would confess their feelings to each other?

How do you think Anderson deals with coming to terms with his feelings towards Alucard?

When it comes to Alucard and Anderson's dynamic, majority of their feelings are understood without ever being spoken or directly acknowledged. So for them to confess, truly confess, I don't see it coming naturally to either of them. Alucard needs a shove, and Anderson needs a bit of coaxing.

(WARNING: LONG POST - goes into depth beneath cut)

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While Alucard shamelessly flirts with and praises Anderson at every opportunity. His admiration, awe, amusement, and thrill all evident. Because Anderson is a willing, capable opponent who shares beliefs parallel to Vlad's own. He's eager, passionate, and raw with his humanity. And he's capable of taking a hit and outliving those who are doomed by time alone. Alucard can endlessly adore him in specific and concept.

However, for Alucard to admit he loves Anderson. That he cares for him, both mentally and physically. Is an entirely different matter. To confess that he'd prioritize Anderson's needs over his own, is the type of commitment that distinguishes love (platonic or romantic), from obsession. It's an intimate and vulnerable feeling. So even if he acts on these emotions, the only way I see Alucard confessing to the hold Anderson has on his heart is when the honesty of that care is challenged.

It's confessed as a pained, furious scream. Not directed at Anderson, but at himself. Reflective of what it implies about his humanity, both past and present. It's confessing not only how important Anderson is to him, and the entirety of what that means. But it'd be a visceral moment where every word would burn his throat. Because it confesses how what remains of his humanity longs for Anderson, yet it's humanity he gave up. So it hardly matters, not when it all ends the same.

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Contrast of Alucard, is Anderson. He's a naturally caring person, and to a degree, he's honest about his feelings. Including those for Alucard. In the heat of combat, they're easily set aside. But provided a moment of calm, of comfort and safety; he wouldn't deny that truth. Confessed feelings with all the fondness, protectiveness, honesty, pity, and love he has. Perhaps tired and defeated by the weight of those words, but they'd be genuine in their entirety.

However, extracting a compliment-based confession from Anderson would be a near impossible feat. It's not a matter of him 'denying his feelings'. But the challenge of acknowledging those feelings in relation to Alucard being a vampiric monstrosity. And admitting that he finds such a creature beautiful,  a cosmic event functioning as a living force. A stunning, yet damning storm. It's a thought infinitely harder for Anderson to admit.

Any praise would be admitting his sins to the greatest sinner he knows. Perhaps over time, he'd make a quip or two. But it would remain a rare indulgence. He'd never be fully comfortable with it, but it's not entirely denied. Because it's a form of damnation he'd indulge in with Alucard. Since the idea of being condemned together isn't entirely unappealing.

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In the end, it's Anderson struggling with damnation, and Alucard struggling with salvation. It's hard to tell who's leading who. If ones falling or the others rising. Majority of their relationship is deciding it doesn't truly matter. They lie somewhere in the between, where it is neither night nor day.

[jakeperalta]

* e.g. in interviews/social media saying things like "I played this scene as x character being in love with y character" making it canon that x loves y, or "I view x as bisexual" even if they aren't bi within the show itself, or just general statements on backstory/details that aren't included within the show

[cityofmeliora]

notes on Primo's characterization 💖

let's talk about Primo! i think he's a really, really interesting character!

i've said before that i think Primo is the only one of the brothers who takes the whole ~satanic death cult trying to bring the end of the world~ thing seriously.

Primo was indeed very serious about the cult. maybe too serious? even some other members of the cult dislike that about him.

NAMELESS GHOUL: The first Papa Emeritus was someone very rigid, very strict, and very solemn. A real son of a bitch! (laughs) To be honest, we don’t miss him at all! MyRock #44 (2017) translated from French by @ a-wandering-ghoulette)

the best source of Primo characterization is a 2010 interview with Sweden Rock Magazine where Primo and the Nameless Ghouls kidnapped the interviewer. though i quote *a lot* of it here, i strongly recommend reading the full interview because it is truly fascinating. notably, Primo himself speaks in this interview rather than a Nameless Ghoul.

Primo is a misanthrope who believes humans are "vermin" that have doomed themselves due to their "intellectual decline". in his eyes, they are unworthy of life and will eventually be destroyed.

“Human beings are vermin, thus the end of humanity is ultimately a good thing. We play but a vanishingly microscopic role in this cosmos of nothingness.”

The devil-worshipping organization that the Ghost leader speaks of is claimed to operate on a worldwide level and among many different areas: from politics and business to religious movements, in the entertainment industry and on the street. It does not have a name, but its existence “can most easily be explained as a living and ongoing result of humanity’s intellectual decline and eventual decay.”

Primo affirms Ghost's mission statement as originally presented in the band's old Myspace page: to spread the devil's influence and convince other people that humanity deserves its inevitable end.

According to the statement on the band’s page, Ghost’s main mission is to trick mankind into believing that the end of the world is ultimately a good thing. “Our only task is to accompany the world’s downfall.”

A question comes to mind: wouldn’t the band, which with its poppy hard rock could by all means appeal to a much wider audience than ordinary black metal acts, gain more attention by engaging in more commercial modes of expression? “We have other entertainment groups within our organization who are doing just that. Our task is to emphasize the devil’s message in the part of society that has, to varying degrees, already accepted it. It’s directed at the social grouping that goes to the type of concerts that we perform. Our goal is to be able to carry out our black mass, our ritual, for them. Other members of the cult work with far more subtle modes of expressions, better suited for consumers who are not as receptive to the truth.”

though he openly calls the organization a cult, his religious belief is sincere.

to Primo, the band's anonymity and use of costumes are a way of showing reverence and humility in their task. if Satan is the Father, and Antichrist is the Son, the band is the (unholy) Ghost: the force which connects humanity to the power of the Father and the Son. for the audience to think of Primo or the Nameless Ghouls as individual people would distract from their message. when he takes on the role of Papa, he becomes one with their cause.

You refer to yourselves as a group of nameless spirits - should this be taken literally? Is the band actually something other than human? “To make it easier for mortals to deal with the fact that we, as individuals, have no significance in this experience, we have chosen to act as ghosts - hollow and diffuse.”

Why did you, as a leader, choose an outfit so similar to the one worn by the Catholic Pope? “For the Pope it is a way of showing reverence and seriousness, and at the same time humility before his task. He uses it to step into the body that is the essence and the fog, something we advocate too. It is our way of becoming one with the fog.” Things become clearer when the leader speaks of the meaning behind the name of the band: “Akin to the tripartite view so stubbornly proclaimed by the Christian faith, we too believe there is magic in the concept of three and we are part of it: there is a god, Satan, a son, Antichrist, and a ghost in the middle that is the inexplicable - the fog.”

Primo has a theistic view of Satan, believing he is real deity who speaks through / inspires the band's music. in this way, the Ghoul Writer could be considered a sort of prophet to him.

That’s right. Ghost have their music written for them. In one online interview, a so-called “ghoul writer” is mentioned who supposedly composes melodies and lyrics with the help of ungraspable powers from beyond – devilish whispers instruct him which words should accompany which chords, and so forth. “There is indeed a human individual who composes patterns of tones and words which operate ever so beautifully in unison. However, I am of the belief that there is a higher being who speaks through this individual,” asserts the Pope.

like a proper cultist, Primo cannot imagine having a life / identity outside of the cult. he remembers that there was once a time when he was not a member of the cult, but he cannot remember what it was like to be that person. his devotion to the cult has been a core part of who he is for a very long time.

How he got involved in this movement and dedicated his life to Satan, he has a hard time answering. After a long silence, the singer says: “I find it very difficult to remember the life I had before I found the darkness. It is therefore very difficult to answer your question. My memory doesn’t go that far.” Surely the Pope must remember something?           “I cannot remember a time when I did not find myself part of the dark energy. That does not mean that I remember nothing from my past life, only that I cannot remember how I felt then. This is because it was a time when I did not know very much.” Was it by coming into contact with other members of the organization that you found this darkness? “As I said, I do not remember when this happened. But I think…” He chooses his words carefully. “… I believe that, like many others, I was woven into this dark through subtle, human components found within it. Once again, my intellect was not as developed as it is now, so I have great difficulty in explaining what happened - when and where, and to what extent.”

while he cannot say exactly what happened to him or when, Primo seems to have had genuine spiritual experiences. he was always connected to the dark energy, and he feels that he became awakened and that his intellect has developed since he truly found his faith.

despite being a misanthrope, Primo admits he was brought into the darkness by some sort of human connection. he might actually have the capacity to care about some people.

in a Kerrang feature where Primo gets quizzed on "demonology, serial killers and stuff like that", he says the cult knew witches who were burned at the stake, but he doesn't like to talk about it. it stood out to me that he says he doesn't want to talk about it, because he speaks so openly and matter-of-factly about other dark / upsetting topics. at the very least, it appears he doesn't like it when bad things happen to other members of the cult.

WHAT DOES THE PHRASE MALLEUS MALEFICARUM TRANSLATE AS IN ENGLISH? A) HAMMER OF THE WITCHES B) HAMMER OF THE DEMONS C) HAMMER OF THE GODS PAPA: “That would be the witch-hammer. We knew some Witches, but unfortunately a lot of them were taken away.” KERRANG!: “As in burned at the stake?” PAPA: “Correct. But I don’t like to talk about that. (Answer: A) ✔

he seems to be quite pleased about other people dying, though. and he is certain they all go to Hell.

6. NAME ANY TWO OF THE THREE ORIGINAL MEMBERS OF MAYHEM. PAPA: “Though one was not an original member two of the band are actually burning in Hell, and they’re good guests, certainly. But yes, I will say Euronymous and Necrobutcher.” (Answer: Euronymous, Necrobutcherr, Manheim) ✔ 7. WHAT WAS THE NAME OF THE SHIP THAT WAS DISCOVERED FLOATING ABANDONED AND UNMANNED IN THE ATLANTIC OCEAN IN DECEMBER 1872? PAPA: “It was that ship with such a heavenly name, the lady Mary Celeste.” KERRANG!: “And can you finally tell us where all the people went?” PAPA: I’ll check the records. Obviously they’re all in Hell now, but the way they got there is a little cloudy. But then our Lord too works in mysterious ways…“ (Answer: Mary Celeste) ✔

some of Primo's other responses in this article reveal he has a dark sense of humor and perhaps cruel inclinations. when talking about possessions done by the cult, he says "sometimes you just want to do it for the hell of it" and "you want to make a bit of sport out of it", referring to a possession that (allegedly) influenced a serial killer. he refers to the victims of these possessions as "poor [name]", but his remarks on their misfortune don't indicate any actual remorse or sympathy. it might even be intentionally ironic.

5. WHICH PAINTER ALLEGEDLY UNDERWENT AN EXORCISM IN 1947? PAPA: “Poor Salvador Dali. You know we had his missus possessed as well, all in the name of Satan…” KERRANG!: Is possession something that’s done for serious reasons or just to pass the time? “Well sometimes you just want to do it for the hell of it…”  (Answer: Salvador Dali) ✔

13. WHAT AMERICAN SERIAL KILLER CLAIMS HE WAS COMPELLED TO COMMIT HIS MURDERS BY A DEMON THAT POSSESSED HIS NEIGHBOUR’S DOG? PAPA: 'That was that poor boy, the Son Of Sam. That sure was a successful possession, although it did involve far too much crotch-sniffing and turd-eating.“ KERRANG: "Is it easier to possess a dog than to possess a person?” PAPA: “Not necessarily, but you want to make a bit of sport out of it.” (Answer: David Berkowitz/Son Of Sam) ✔

also, many of the events Primo speaks about would've happened before he was born or when he was very young, so it seems he's studied the cult's history very well, and he keeps tabs on their current activities. he does his research!

and as a fun fact: Primo is pretty good at math :)

14. IF YOU’RE TRICK OR TREATING AND THREE HOUSES GIVE YOU SEVEN SWEETS, TWO GIVE YOU FOUR, AND ONE GIVES YOU NINE, AND YOUR PARENTS THEN DOUBLE WHAT YOU HAVE, HOW MANY SWEETS DO YOU END UP WITH? PAPA: “76.” KERRANG!: “That was alarmingly fast, sir. Are good mathematical skills important when you’re burning in the fiery pits of Hell?” PAPA: “We all have our different strengths, but of course the number we are most used to is 666…” (Answer: 76) ✔

there's not a lot of information about Primo, and what exists is hard to find, but i live to bring knowledge to the people 🫡. these are all the sources i have on hand that talk about Primo. if anyone else has other articles / videos talking about Primo, i'd really appreciate it if you shared them!

[abnomi]

random assorted headcanons for Turbo because I like thinking and having fun !!!! 🎉

Read More to Find Out...or are you too scared?... i bet ur too scared ahaha youre too scared Lol! Hahaahaaa!!!

The steering wheel of his kart is covered in bite marks, similar to how one would bite their favorite pencil. he bites things to mark his territory because Nobody is gonna touch that unless they want all of his diseases (150+).

i just know he was fighting to restrain himself not to chew on any of the candy civilians

when it comes to music, he doesn't see the point of listening to it. he doesn't have enough patience to really take it in; to him, it's just a thing that exists and not much more than that ¯⁠\⁠_⁠(⁠ ∵⁠ )⁠_⁠/⁠¯

adding onto that point, this guy listens to metal clanking sounds and loud engine roaring for entertainment because he likes things that would overstimulate any normal person. turbo is incredibly sensory-seeking and will do anything for The Sensations

someone should take him to a heavy rock concert i think it would change him a little. keep that thang on a leash

related to being sensory-seeking, i think he would absolutely love running his hands over random textures. if anyone has run their hands along a wall while walking alongside it...He does that...If u know u know... he is SO stimmy its unbelievable. Unreal.

very pain-tolerant. he'll whine and complain about it for attention, but physical hurt really doesnt bother him much until it gets in the way of what he wants to do.

funnily enough, he is very picky when it comes to temperature. he can handle getting ran over but if its 1° too hot or cold he'll start nagging and nagging for it to go back to normal. turbo really needs his own enclosure i think it'd do him a lot of good

this is a more popular headcanon and its canon-leaning, but he's an artist :-] he usually sticks to graffiti art because its generally considered more "rebellious and cool" but he also sketches cars, design decals, and other stuff when hes alone!

i would love to see his process of character designing king candy because i dont think he really knew what he was doing

he was just like "ok what does a generic king look like. uhhhhh.... 1, old and jolly like santa claus.... 2.... uhh crown..... 3......... purple.... FUCK YEAH im so good at this!!!!🔥🔥🔥"

i just noticed how his design has like 0 actual candy motifs aside from his bow being a candy wrapper and his shoes having those little gumdrop end pieces. what was he THINKING

while King Candy has a lisp, i think it's a coverup for his actual voice because of how goofy and recognizable it is. Overall its the same as his regular voice, he just gets silly with it. i noticed that he still does retain some of his lisp when hes screaming his lungs out at Vanellope, however, so maybe he genuinely does have a lisp that makes itself known when furious :3

another thing i noticed is how he hisses his S's. very cool very cool the reptilian

@/tasticturbo made a post abt how he has tinnitus from the constant noise in his game and i couldnt agree more

AND THE PRESCRIPTION GLASSES. where did he get those...he needs to See

side note, the aforementioned account has made so many interesting analyses on turbo and theyre all so insightful. i recommend u check them out

i think he gets migraines from stress. constant buzzing or pain flood his head but hes like "IDGAF i need to DO something at ALL TIMES no matter what"

hes like a shark in that way. if hes not moving he'll die instantly. idk a lot about sharks or if thats how it works srry but im going off of what the Worms are saying to me and i dont have much to work with

i think a really big contributer as to why he lacks in the self care department is because he fails to notice that something in his body is wrong. hes far too distracted on something he thinks is more important than remembering to Eat Food or Drink Water or Wash Himself or

he's like "WHY DO I FEEL LIKE SHIT ALL OF THE TIME!!! I HATE MY LIFE" and he hasn't slept in 4 days

hes so me. Sorry.

i dont think turbo is necessarily suicidal, but the way he behaves shows a clear disregard for his own safety and wellbeing. he thinks that he knows what he needs but he really doesnt :-[ i think he has some kind of immortality complex, feeling untouchable and like nothing could get to him. as scared as he was when ralph was about to turn him into sloppy mush, he didnt take the threat very seriously. like it was some kind of joke

his kart regenerates every time his game starts up, so what if he smashed it into buildings for fun. He's the number one fan of car accidents. he is all about that shit

i think his living space would literally be a garage btw. its a place to sleep and a space for his car all in one!! he thinks its very convenient and awesome but i think he is coping. he has some old dingy stained sheetless mattress that he has never washed in his life and its covered in dirt and smoke particles. no wonder he has such heavy eye bags Dude Please

the turbo twins have a garage used in a similar way, and while its still pretty shitty, they still at least TRY to maintain it. they just fight a lot over who has to care of it. nobody taught them how to take turns ever

but this aint about them. maybe another day

i think that turbo would find comfort in garbage and keeping it around because its familiar to him. a big clean empty space would make him so mad and if anyone moves even an inch of scrap off to the side he will throw a fit. he generally doesnt pay attention to his surroundings but when its his personal space he is 1093 times more neurotic

i think the big empty castle he stole wouldve been a big transition for him. maybe it helped him clear his mind a little more to practice his tricky schemes...it helped him get more subtle

thats all i have for nowww ty for reading ^_^ if anyone else has any wacky ideas pleeeease tell me i would love to hear them!!

[satisaranea]

haymitch having to address 4 different deaths for each district on his victory tour. can anybody hear me. haymitch likely having to play the narrative that the deaths of his family were mysterious unsolved murders and to even make it so, partake in the humiliation ritual of public funerals held within the capitol. haymitch having to keep distance from the other victors because he really is a killer and cannot face it. 47 faces and 47 graves dug all because of him. is this thing on. haymitch being forced to mentor tributes he likely knew as classmates or school peers for the first few years of his victory. can you hear me do you understand !!!! haymitch having his games pulled from every possible outlet and blacklisted because of the shocking nature and traitorous way of his win. haymitch likely facing so much scorn amidst all the grief just for surviving. just for making it back home.

[ssaseaprince]

I think with all the self-awareness Hannibal has, he doesn't actually know himself very well. That is a big reason why he is so obsessed with Will's view of him because he's never had someone who could give him an accurate reading of himself. There are things we all are unaware of that we do, and most of us can rely on others around us to point it out. But Hannibal has never had that. Even with Bedelia, she responds to what he tells her and what she guesses, but she is not able to truly read Hannibal either. Will is the only one who can. Hannibal is curious about himself, and Will is the only one who can tell him the things he does that he doesn't realize. He is the only one who can give him a genuine perspective. When the average person is discovering/questioning themselves and their identity, they can go to therapy, they could talk to their friends, Hell, they can go get drunk at a bar and talk to the bartender. Hannibal has no one who knows him and nobody who could give him any kind of self insight. Except Will Graham.

[room-surprise]

Hey! Fun question, how do you think an in-canon kabumisu confession would go? People keep portraying mithrun as blunt and straightforward about their relationship, but would he be scared to tell kabru in the chance that he'd say no and leave? Is the desire to just be in a relationship with kabru, or is the desire of not wanting to scare him off greater than that? I'm so starved on the lack of post-canon kabumisu content, they make me go crazy

As usual, I'll try not to go into TOO much detail because then I won't be motivated to write fic about it... and I AM planning to write a post-canon Kabumisu fic anon, so don't worry. I'll get there eventually :3

They make me go crazy too 😔

I think Mithrun's a complicated guy with complicated emotions. Even when he was "empty" in the dungeon he actually showed a lot of feelings - smug satisfaction, annoyance, anger, even a little bit of subtle happiness.

So while I DO think he will still be blunt in general, I also think it's a mistake to assume that means he doesn't feel things and won't have anxieties and insecurities just like any other person.

Mithrun used to be WILDLY insecure, and jealous, and paranoid. He just stopped caring about anything, but if, like the end of the manga suggests, he is going to try to START caring again, he will then start to have feelings, too.

I think Mithrun is intensely aware of his own "undesirability", that's one of the reasons he's BEEN so depressed. Most of his self-worth before the dungeon hinged on being "better" than his brother, and better than other people. Then he looses that (or maybe he was never actually better at all!), so what does he have left? And now his youth is gone too, he's middle-aged and lost his "best years" to depression. He's disabled, he's scarred, he's a bastard that nobody wants.

It's a pretty huge fall from "most eligible bachelor in the empire"!

So I think no, he won't just bluntly tell Kabru that he likes him. It will take Mithrun awhile to realize how he feels, and once he does, he'll be afraid to reach out, so he's going to do what I call "playing silly little elf games". He's going to try and flirt via writing letters and sending gifts, to hint that he likes Kabru.

Luckily for Mithrun, Kabru also knows how to play Silly Little Elf Games (he's an Olympic champion), so he picks up the signals and starts reciprocating, though he's also uncertain and worried that he's misunderstanding. Captain Mithrun couldn't be flirting with him, could he? But... what if he is?

(I will go into Kabru's feelings at a later date anon i promise.)

I think the thing that will ultimately push Mithrun to act is the fear that he'll miss his chance. Mithrun realizes Kabru is a limited time deal that he can only enjoy for the next 60-something years, and he wants every minute of that time for himself, no matter how much it will someday hurt to lose Kabru.

And he also knows that Kabru is very handsome and charming, and he can't expect Kabru to wait for Mithrun to get himself figured out. Someone else will swoop in and snatch that man up, so Mithrun has to hurry.

ALL OF THAT SAID... I think their confession is a lot less of a confession, and much more "we have both been picking up these signals of interest for months/years, and finally one of us pushes it a little bit further than we've ever pushed it before and we acknowledge the unspoken thing that has been growing between us."

Maybe it's a hand resting on someone's leg, or a gentle touch on the arm. Maybe it's leaning in so their shoulders touch. Maybe it's looking into each other's eyes a little bit longer than normal.

Probably it involves both of them admitting "Spending time with you makes me happier than anything else in the world. Whenever we're apart all I think about is when I'm going to see you again. I spend hours composing letters to you in my mind. I want us to spend our days together, no matter what shape that takes."

It's very vulnerable and scary for both of them, and I think they're both DEEPLY relieved after they finally get it out, and they don't get rejected. They know each other so well, and they're so good at reading people - they both thought that the other might feel the same way, but it's so scary to take that leap of faith and hope that they're right.

And just for the record, I think that Kabru worries about if Mithrun will be interested in sex or not, because sex is something that matters to Kabru, but what if Mithrun just doesn't have any desire for it?

And so before they get into a relationship Kabru has a long hard think about it, and decides that even if they never have sex, he wants to be in a romantic relationship with Mithrun anyway, because just being around him makes him feel happy, and understood, and like he isn't alone anymore. There's someone who sees him as he is, all the good and the bad, and says "I love you anyway."

And Kabru decides that he's willing to just jerk off for the rest of his life if that's the price of this relationship that he wants.

Luckily for Kabru, I think Mithrun does want to have sex with him, but I like to think that Kabru thinks through all the possibilities and decides that no matter what they end up doing together, being with Mithrun is worth it.

[sagaduwyrm]

Someone peer review me, I've been thinking about how Agatha, Gil, and Tarvek approach strategy.

Gil: Playing chess. Twelve moves ahead of you, knows all the rules and all the plays.

Tarvek: Playing poker. A vague plan constantly reshaped to take advantage of the actions of those around him. Barely seems like a player until the game is over and you're broke.

Agatha: Not here to play a game. Striding through the chaos (everyone else's problem (her boyfriends can have some fun with it if they want, but she isn't interested)) untouched.

[nekropsii]

asking you this since you’re the only person who understands mituna in the entire fandom in my perception of the hs fandom

is it okay to headcanon mituna as autistic? sorry if you get this type of ask a lot/have already answered this type of ask

Instead of answering this question, I will give some food for thought: Mituna has a TBI. He has Brain Damage. This is a core element of his character. Probably the biggest one. In fact, it's so important to him that it's an injury that has remained with him in death. His TBI is a huge, huge part of what makes him... Well, him. It's why he's interesting.

So... Why is a need felt to also declare him as Autistic? Assuming this is a projection thing, since it tends to be most of the time - if you relate to him for his already canonical Neurodivergency, which is Brain Damage, why does one need to give him Autism as well?

Oftentimes when people headcanon him as Autistic, they tend to minimize or even outright erase his TBI. Oftentimes, people say he's Autistic as the reason he's canon Neurodivergent representation... Even though he's shown no real signs of it, but instead is fully written as a character with a Frontal Lobe Injury, and is constantly stated to have Brain Damage.

TBIs and other Neurodivergencies are often seen as less palatable than Autism. On Tumblr especially, it's far more "acceptable" to be Autistic or ADHD or headcanon a character as such than it is to have Brain Damage or literally any other Neurodivergency or acknowledge that a character is written with those. Autism and ADHD are seen as cute and relatable - even though they're very complex and at times devastating disabilities that do have the potential to seriously fuck up your livelihood, much like Depression and Anxiety, and I'm saying this as someone who has and struggles with all 4 - and are often used to erase the presence of other Neurodivergencies. Hell, it's to the point where people use "Neurodivergency" as a synonym for ADHD and Autism.

Again, I'm not going to answer this question for you. I think there's a way someone could potentially make the narrative of Mituna having Autism prior to the TBI compelling - the TBI has essentially stripped him of his ability to mask, after all, so one could make it be a situation where some of these symptoms are ones he already had, but is only just now really getting shit for because he's no longer able to hide it, and part of that tragedy is knowing that had he never been good at masking, his "friends" would have never accepted him. You could get some interesting questions about that. Was the repression worth it? Would it have been better if he'd just been himself the whole time? I think it's extremely valuable to ask yourself why you see any character as any specific minority - necessary, even - and how that affects not only the character's writing in its original text, but also your relationship with said character. Consider optics. Consider the way in which this character is meant to function in the source material. What purpose do they serve, and what is the driving force behind this character? Is Occam's Razor applicable? Are there other explanations as to why they are the way they are? Perhaps ones that are more succinct, and cover more ground?

Yesterday, I watched a film that has provoked a response in Tumblr that I think is applicable. I Saw The TV Glow. It's a film about a Trans Girl who never finds the strength to accept herself or come out. It's an incredibly gut-wrenching watch. It made me cry several times, and there are parts that made me feel a deep pain in my chest. I sat through 95% of the film with a pit in my stomach. I had to lay on the floor in the dark for a while after I finished. There's a scene where the main character is asked whether she likes girls or boys. She says she thinks she likes TV shows, and elaborates by saying that every time she tries to think about that kind of thing, it feels like someone's cutting her open and shoveling out her insides until there's nothing left. Not that there was anything in there to start with, of course - she says she knows there isn't, but she's too scared to look for herself and see.

That scene was about how Gender Dysphoria can completely disrupt your sexuality and repulse you from the thought of that level of connection with others, because it is, in essence, a deep disturbance with the nature of who you are as a person. Many people who are Asexual, or Aromantic, or both, related to that scene because it, on the surface, depicts discomfort with romance and sexuality. What they failed to understand by chalking it up to its own sexuality, is the fact that that scene wasn't depicting a Sex-Repulsed Asexual, or a Romance-Repulsed Aromantic, it was depicting a Trans Girl who is at such deep odds with herself and her identity that she cannot grapple with the concept of loving or being loved.

What, functionally, is the purpose of slapping an extraneous label onto a character that is meant to depict a certain thing? What is the purpose of assigning the label of "Autistic" to a character meant to depict the tragedy of a loss of support after gaining a disability, or "Aromantic" or "Asexual" to a character meant to depict a deep internal struggle with unresolved Gender Dysphoria?

Ask yourself these questions, and carry on from there. See where your mind takes you.

[rune-rambles-art]

Okay I have to yell about Koleda Belobog Zenless Zone Zero because I feel like I love her in a very specific way that I haven’t seen a lot of people talk about. More under the cut because I have,,, so many thoughts.

Koleda is such a good portrayal of someone who struggles with their perception as an adult. A pretty easy conclusion to make with the first thing she usually says on the character select screen being “Hey, don’t look down on me!”, but it definitely goes a lot deeper the more you spend time with her. Specifically, she seems to struggle in her perception of herself as someone much more mature than her younger peers, but still not on the same level as the adults in similar positions of power as her. I kinda. Hate zenless for not explicitly stating how old she is, but given she rose to her position at Belobog “when she came of age” (which honestly, I still can’t give a concrete answer to what hoyo means by this? Some searches I found claimed the working age to be 16 in China, I’ve seen others online claim 18 but that’s not reliable. Hoyo I'm begging you put official ages on your characters it's a cool and based practice), she waited for a significant amount of time before taking up her role as president. She is an adult from what the game implies, and a core part of her character is fighting against the constant infantilization she faces due to how she looks.

Let’s start with her love of desserts (and a honestly this is the reason I started writing this). It’s her most highlighted character trait (it is also the first known attribute in her trust rank profile when you unlock her), and most of her trust events on 6th street revolves around them. Initially, she hesitates in proclaiming her love for them, likely to avoid being perceived as childish.

Her rank 4 trust special event is, admittedly, my favorite, but it’s one of the best breakdowns of this.

In order to maintain her image as a mature adult, she uses her position as company president to get around having to request a special dessert drink by name (in her defense, "Sweet Girl Fluffy Marshmallow Lambkin Milk" is an insane mouthful of a product name). At the end of the event she admits that saying its name “wasn’t as bad as she thought”, but her initial kneejerk reaction was a complete rejection of even entertaining the idea of doing something that could put the image she worked so hard to create and maintain at risk. Despite this, she still refuses desserts that aren't tooth-rottingly sweet, even if they are seen as the more mature or "refined" option. It's only around people that she really trusts does she allow this part of herself to be known, because she knows they wouldn't misconstrue this behavior as childish.

I also think her perception on the differences between kids and adults is interesting ("thank you agent story quest" we all say in unison). She doesn't ever feel like she fits in with other kids, probably due to all the responsibility she had to take on as the eventual heir to her father's company. But she also holds a vocal distain for many of her adult peers. Her declaration of "When I was younger, I thought the whole world was rotten, trying to make people just as rotten when they grow up." is a reflection of how she struggled to find her place in the world as she was forced to suddenly transition into adulthood, while still trying to understand the actions of the adults around her.

Her relationship with her father becoming strained contributed significantly to her world outlook as well, and may have caused such a specific distinction of what she deems "the world of adults". I don't want to dive too specifically into that because spoilers and the game is only a few weeks old so. Pin that for another time maybe? It definitely matters in the sense that the loss of her father is the catalyst for the loss of her childhood, but a lot of the specifics in how that affected her are speculative (and I don't wanna get too headcanon-y in this particular post) and she explicitly chooses not to discuss it too in-depth with the proxy (which, girl. Valid). But she's slowly learning to cope with that loss, at least it seems that way by the end of chapter 3. Honestly I could probably find more to add about the agent story in particular, but I would have to replay it to get a better idea.

To me, Koleda Belobog is very solid representation for women who had to grow up too fast, struggle with the perception of being seen as an adult, and hold guilt about indulging in acts that can be perceived as childish by their peers because they never fully got the chance to just be a kid. It truly did resonate with me, and it feels like such a specific "if you know, you know" kind of experience that I don't feel is talked about as much in media, especially with people who identify as female during their youth.

Also, also! I hope they dive in a bit more on how she got/has so much hollow corruption at a young age. Because they imply that she is so short as a result of this hollow corruption. Like that's so damn interesting conceptually and I know they delved on it more in Rina's agent story but. It was more of a mental affliction than a physical one.

Anyway I've been working on this for like 2 days now but that's all I have in terms of like. A canon-compliant character analysis.

TLDR; Koleda is such a perfect example of "God forbid short women exist" and I love her for that. Thank you for coming to my TED Talk.

[anoant-haikyuu-dump]

got bored, nekoma ship wheel + sexuality hcs (explanations under cut along with empty templates in case anyone wants them)

FUKUTORA TIER

This is self-explainatory. They're basically 90% of my account. If you go to the fukutora tag its just me talking to myself because no one else has posted in it since 2022

LOVE

Kuroken - I have specific opinions on Kuroken because I'm a fan of unrequited Kenhina in highschool. Don't get me wrong, I still like how most of the fandom portrays them, but I much prefer them getting together after the timeskip when everyone's settled into their new jobs. I also really like it queerplatonic, as much or even more than romantic.

Inushiba- Idk man they're just silly, no deeper reasoning. Funny guys doing funny things with a cute height difference

LIKE

Kuroyaku/Levyaku - Honestly I like these two about equally, i think they're both shitpost-able and that's my top priority for a ship. My gf likes Levyaku so i lean towards them but i've seen some good Kuroyaku art too so i can be won over. I'm a firm believer that Kuroo and Yaku were each other's first kiss

Fukutoraken - I think Kenma being a serial third-wheel is infinitely funnier but i dont mind it, as long as fukutora aren't separated i'm chilling. Kenma getting dragged along despite not being part of the relationship is my ideal for them tho, also i think Kenma being Tora's unwilling wingman/the recipient of his sexuality crisis rambles is hillarious

Anything else i'm neutral on or haven't heard of

[sysig]

Some highlights from a tense but still very Winterkov-y scene (Patreon)

[warpedpuppeteer]

So I've talked about how Buck is possibly older than Eddie here before.

This topic came up on twt and some people are unhappy because they finally realized Buck is possibly older than Eddie (or they're the same age at least) because they think Eddie is too mature to be younger. Like, you know that you don't have to be older to be mature?? 😭

Eddie can be younger than Buck and be more mature. Because he was raised in an environment where he wasn't allowed to be a kid! He was forced to be the man of the house when he was a child, enlisted when he was 19/20 and then became a single parent. He literally had no choice. His maturity always relates back to his responsibilities. (Very common with the oldest kid in poc families. We're always told we are more mature than our age and we grow up thinking it's a compliment)

Buck's maturity is completely different! He was able to seek therapy on his own because he wanted to be a better person and recognized his flaws. He was able to forgive his parents despite how much they broke him!! He's able to grow as an individual.

Eddie on the other hand has trouble growing as an individual because he always falls back into the mindset of being a father first more than anything else. That's why it's taken so long for him to open the can of worms that is Shannon's death. And remember how he also joined an illegal fight club??

Shout-out to @/solemnsun on twt btw who I've started talking to about this who pointed out that they both balance each other out which helped them mature in ways they couldn't when they're alone. Buck allows Eddie to be silly and emotional and impulsive and Eddie allows Buck to be more nurturing and parental and less reckless. (They've got a really cool timeline worked out about how Buck is born before Eddie with a lot of details and proof so I highly suggest you check it out )

Buck and Eddie are both mature and immature in different ways. Just because Buck is possibly older than Eddie in canon doesn't negate any of Eddie's maturity. It's literally just canon ages 😭

[uhhhitsme]

hey just a quick silly little reminder. the feelings they shared died the night curt left him for dead. but the owen that loved him didn't die until after. the owen that loved him stared him down on those steps, in the dark again, alone again, grieving something so intangible the only word he could summon for it was a secret. a private, intimate thing. something precious in it's vulnerability. a weapon.

and in a way, a promise. something to be kept. the secret that owen kept for curt was love---the kind of love that's crafted impossibly, made on stolen time, born from loneliness and from kinship, from the wonder of being known and being wanted for it. the kind of love that got you to lower your guard, to turn your back on your keeper, because you trust that they will keep this secret safe, even when it can kill you. you know them. you are both sworn to this oath. the same oath that makes your voice tremble when you speak of the remnants, the shards. the same promise that you are so bound to that even after betrayal, to finally sever the chains---to let him go---is unbearable. you stare him down, in the dark, abandoned, alone, and you love him, still. you can't pull the trigger. you can't break that vow.

the owen that loved curt died on those stairs, at his lovers hand. he took their secret to the grave.

[amplexadversary]

Master Asia has a horse. He probably has to take care of Fuunsaiki about as much as any horse.

He also doesn't seem the type to carry around more shit than he needs.

... Does Master Asia wash his hair with Mane & Tail?

Did he make Domon wash his hair with horse shampoo while training him?

Does Domon continue to wash his hair with horse shampoo post-canon, because that's what he's used to using?

And finally, does anyone else (Rain, the Shuffle Alliance, Domon's dad, etc.) realize that Domon uses horse shampoo until they notice that he's using the same bottle for both himself and Fuunsaiki?

(Domon would NOT think to buy two, he would not care enough to have his own separate bottle, he is sharing his shampoo with the horse. Fuck, I love him.)

[vivitalks]

i can't stop thinking about lydia's role in the nightmare-ception nightmare stiles has at the very beginning of season 3b. it's fair to assume that the nogitsune is, on some level, pulling the strings on this matryoshka of a dreamscape, possibly because it doesn't yet have the strength to control stiles while he's awake, but even if it's not the nogitsune, lydia's presence and behavior make no sense.

she's in the part of stiles's dream where he thinks he's awake, and other than wish fulfillment, there's no real reason why she would be there. and while she seems like just another part of the dream - manifested by stiles's subconscious - the way she acts suggests more than that. her presence is the first thing to tip stiles off that something is wrong. he thinks he's awake, but if he's awake, then why is lydia in his bed? maybe lydia was not, actually, supposed to be part of this dream at all.

the moment stiles realizes this, his door creaks open, distracting him from lydia and drawing his attention to the door - specifically, the idea that someone could "get in" if the door is open. if we run with the likely theory that the nogitsune has already entered stiles's mind by this point, then this is stiles's subconscious understanding to a certain degree that he could be in danger, but not yet aware that he already is.

but lydia knows. from the second stiles moves toward the door, lydia does her best to persuade him not to. first she tries to dismiss it ("just go back to sleep", "don't worry about it") and then to challenge his reasoning ("what if someone comes in?" "like who?") but by the time he's reaching for the door, lydia is full-on begging. she's panicking. she knows that (1) stiles isn't going to close the door, but walk through it and (2) there is something through the door that is incredibly dangerous.

and i keep wondering: if the nogitsune was already there, and on some level, however small, controlling the dream, then why the hell was lydia there? her entire role was to counteract the nightmare. she did everything she could to prevent stiles from opening that door. how did the nogitsune benefit from that?

now. i know this is a far-fetched theory. but hear me out: the lydia in stiles's dream was the real lydia. stiles and lydia were in the same dream - they just didn't know it.

essentially what i'm saying is lydia "dreamwalked" into stiles's mind without meaning to. i know there is no canon basis for this being a thing that can happen, but play in the space with me for a minute:

lydia is specifically singled out for her clairvoyant ability to predict danger and death, though it is often presented to her in an abstract fashion

she has been known to sometimes have these visions while she's asleep

there is a door open in stiles's mind, meaning theoretically anything with the capacity to enter a mind could enter stiles's mind, whether intentional or not (and we know that at this point, lydia lacks the ability to control her powers)

there is a connection between stiles and lydia - a tether - that linked them in a supernatural capacity at least once before (with the ice baths)

given the other supernatural concessions of the show, it's not that much of a stretch to propose that lydia could have unwittingly entered stiles's dream, perceived it as her own, picked up on the threat to stiles, and been inclined to protect him from it, without knowing exactly what "it" was.

and before you say "banshees can only predict death, not any danger," that has generally held true for lydia...but with one notable exception, which happens later on in this season: she finds nogitsune!stiles unconscious in the parking garage, after the nogitsune slices his stomach open. he's not dead, and we know he's not dying because deaton says he seems to be healing. something about the connection that exists between lydia and stiles enables her to predict any kind of threat to him, not just the imminently fatal kind.

so: stiles has a nightmare where lydia is inexplicably there, the only part of the nightmare that isn't nightmarish. and at the same time, lydia has a dream that has all the makings of a banshee vision, and responds accordingly: by trying her best to protect her friend, pleading with him not to go near the door, because she can tell there's something bad behind the door. they had the same dream. they were both there. lydia, somehow, entered through the same open door the nogitsune used to get into stiles's mind, and, thinking the stiles in her dream was a premonition of danger coming to him, did her level best to keep him safe, unaware that this was the real stiles, and the danger was already here.