#I took a covid test to be safe and that came back negative

[raeathnos]

.

[tinyspringtrap]

ough this cold is kicking my ass

[thevioletcaptain]

So I've been quiet on here a lot longer than planned.

The reasons are many. The reasons are varied.

The reasons are mostly fucking horrible.

Under a cut because it's long. Check tags for content warnings.

First was the expected absence: my parents came to visit me in Los Angeles over my birthday, so I spent the first half of October showing them around whenever I wasn't working a shift at my shitty department store day-job, or in class at UCLA.

Then, almost immediately after they went back to Australia, I got a second job working as a personal assistant for a composer. This was (and is) an extremely fun and rewarding job, but meant having one more thing on my weekly schedule, which was an adjustment.

Given that until halfway through last year, I'd been out of work since I immigrated in 2019, it took a while for me to get used to having so many concurrent responsibilities, and I'd just started to get a handle on things when I got sick right before the holidays. I took many covid tests -- all negative -- and eventually determined that it was just last year's strain of flu, which I hadn't managed to find time to get the shot for due to the aforementioned super busy schedule. I'm almost positive it was thanks to a particular customer at the aforementioned shitty department store job who coughed hard enough in my direction for their germs to get through my n95.

Anyway, last year's flu was a monster, and I spent a week in bed with a fever, then several more weeks being utterly drained and with a horrendous cough to match. It took a full month for me to recover, and then in mid-January, almost as soon as I started to catch up on all the things that had fallen behind while I was sick, things got bad, then good, then worse, then better, then much, much, much worse.

Basically, it starts with my dad being diagnosed with prostate cancer. He'd told me in October when they came to see me, but the surgery was scheduled for the tail end of January.

The surgery happened on a Monday, and it was a complete success. They got it all in one go. No chemo or radiation or further treatment needed at all. I spoke to him on the phone after he woke up, and he was in good spirits. Happy to have been given the all clear by his doctors.

I told him to watch Star Trek: Strange New Worlds & Evil while he rested up at home, because I'm writing specs for both this year and wanted him to be able to read them and know what was going on. He's the one who got me into sci-fi and horror, after all.

He went home.

He was home for two days.

He started feeling a bit rough on the Thursday. Short of breath. No appetite. Mum took him back to the hospital, just to be safe.

Turns out he'd had a mild heart attack. They couldn't figure out why. The echocardiogram didn't show any issues with his heart.

Then over the next couple of days, his breathing got worse. They took a scan of his lungs, and found that they were extremely inflamed. They'd given him covid tests but they came back negative. We told them about a work accident he had about 20 years ago, where a switchboard he'd been working on exploded in his face, and he'd suffered from inhalation burns among other things.

They thought that maybe something during the prostate surgery had caused irritation in his already damaged lungs, which put stress on his heart and caused the mild heart attack. He's never had any issues with his lungs since that accident, but they thought that maybe he'd just adapted to the damage over the years without realizing.

They kept trying different treatments to help his lungs heal. Nothing seemed to work. His breathing kept getting worse. They had him on as much oxygen as possible without intubating him, but it wasn't enough, so over that weekend they decided that they'd need to move him to another hospital with a more specialized lung unit.

When they were preparing to do that on the Monday night, he crashed. Another heart attack. Bigger, this time. They intubated him. Sedated him. Called my mum and told her to come in right away because things looked so bad.

But then he rallied. By the morning, though he was still sedated and intubated, the doctors were confident that with the right treatment at the specialized lung unit at the other hospital, he'd be okay. He was still in a rough condition, but stable. They transferred him to the other hospital.

He was given another covid test. This one came back positive.

My mum and brother called me once it was a reasonable time in Los Angeles to let me know what was going on, and the next day my brother booked me a flight back to Australia. I had to leave for the airport about five hours after my ticket was booked.

I got to Melbourne on February 1st.

For the next two weeks, dad was intubated, sedated, and in an isolation room. Every few days, they scanned his lungs again, and they were slowly improving.

Finally, he stopped testing positive, and was moved to a regular room in the ICU. Then he healed enough for them to extubate him and wake him up.

On February 13th, he was conscious enough to squeeze my hand when we went in to see him. On February 14th, he was conscious and capable of talking enough to ask a nurse in his ward to bring him his phone, and called mum first thing in the morning to wish her a happy Valentines Day.

Two days later, on Friday 16th, his lungs looked good enough on scans that they felt it was safe to do an angiogram, which they wanted to do just to double check that there weren't any issues with his heart that they missed with the echo.

They did the test. They found massive blockages. 90% blockage in one artery; significant blockages in two others.

Even though he'd barely recovered from covid, the blockages were bad enough that they scheduled him for open heart surgery on Monday 19th. They said without surgery there was a 100% chance that the blockages would cause another massive heart attack that he would not survive. They said there was about a 20% chance that he'd have complications, but only about 4% that they'd be serious/life threatening.

Like before, the surgery went well. Triple bypass, in the end. We got a call late on Monday afternoon to say that he was in recovery and looking good. His heart was functioning perfectly. They'd bring him out of sedation that night. Keep him in the ICU one or two days just as the standard post-op procedure. He'd spend a week or so in a cardiac ward after that, then head to a physical rehab ward for a couple of weeks until he could build back the muscle mass he'd lost while sedated.

We went in to see him the next day. Tuesday 20th. His 66th birthday.

He was tired, but looked good. Color in his cheeks. He made a couple of jokes. We left after about 45 minutes because he was pretty worn out, and we wanted to let him get some rest.

But then after, that his breathing started to get bad again. By Wednesday morning, they'd switched out the oxygen prongs in his nose for a big, high-pressure mask again. They called to let us know they were going to intubate him again so he could rest while his lungs recovered a bit more.

They struggled to get the tube in.

His lungs were deteriorating badly. He kept getting worse. We couldn't go in to see him because they were working on him all day.

At 9pm we got a call to say that he was just getting worse. They had him on 100% oxygen. He just wasn't absorbing it. His entire body was under massive strain. They were doing everything they could, but he just wasn't improving.

They said we should go in right away.

We got there by 10pm. My brother and his wife arrived about the same time. We went in to see him. He didn't look good. He looked pale. But he was warm, and he'd come back from the brink before, and we were sure he could do it again. We stayed with him for about an hour, and left not long after 11pm. Went back to my brother's place because they live closer to the hospital.

We were there about half an hour before they called us again. Just after midnight. He was gone.

That was about a week and a half ago, now. It still doesn't feel real. He was only 66. He hadn't even retired yet. He was working full time up until the week before Christmas, and had planned on going back to work a few days a week after he'd recovered from surgery. He never had any heart trouble, or lung trouble. He was active. He was fine.

My wife Zel and her mom flew in a couple of days after it happened. I barely remember anything from the past two weeks. Everything just feels fake.

I've been trying to write something to say at the funeral, which we've finally been able to arrange for next week -- it was delayed because we had to wait for dad to be released by the coroner. I don't think I'll be able to do it.

Anyway. That's where I've been.

It'll probably be a little while longer before I'm around here much, let alone posting with any regularity, because I'll be in Australia helping my mum & and my brother sort everything out. I have no idea how long I'll be dealing with stuff, or when I'll be able to make words cooperate enough to post anything, but I'll be back eventually.

I'm trying to keep an eye on Discord (I'm violetmatter over there) so you can find me there if you want. But yeah, I just wanted to let you guys know why I've been so quiet.

[lokavisi]

This vent turned Loki Appreciation Post™️ got rather lengthy, so I'm gonna pop it under a line so it doesn't take up too much space on your feed. But I do appreciate it if you read it. I need some good vibes...

I don't really talk much about my personal life on this blog, but I've been having a Week™️. Well, maybe Two Weeks™️. Two weeks ago, my wife and I had the beginning stages of a cold and accidentally passed to 3/4 other people in our TTRPG group. We got over the cold, and last Monday night/Tuesday morning, we were in the ER because my wife was having such intense upper abdominal pain. She seems to experience acid reflux in an atypical way. The meds they gave her have been helping, so that seems to be what it was, but now she's getting a sore throat again. We went to the clinic today. She got a strep, flu, and COVID test, which all came back negative, so the person said she likely picked up a virus while at the ER. (Even though we were both masked the entire time, there is still always a possibility.) Now I can't tell if I'm getting sick, too, or if I'm just stressed out of my mind. I've been taking care of her for the majority of this past week and haven't really been able to take care of myself in the ways that I need to. On the few days she was feeling ok, I went to some overstimulating events that I don't feel like I fully recovered from, either. I've been holding back a full breakdown all day, but short periodic cries have helped relieve some tension.

And here's where I'll tie it in to Loki: last night, I decided to do some journeywork since I haven't in a good while. I thought it might also be some good self-care time to visit the little home space I've made with Loki and his family. The thing is, Atlas was the one to great me as soon as I entered trance. In chatting with him a little, it was obvious that Loki called on him to really drive home the "you don't have to carry/aren't carrying the whole world on your shoulders" message. After this realization, it took me a second to really lock onto Loki's energy so I could talk with them about it. When I finally did, they showed me all these key stepping stones of progress in my journeying practice, especially finding and traveling to different locations. So they asked, "Why do you want to come to this place you spend so much time in?" Referring to our little home space. I broke down, and when I heard myself speak, it was like I was hearing a child. I was saying I just "wanted to see daddy" (i.e. Loki) and I didn't like that every task I picked up felt like a whole world for me to carry. Then I started apologizing to nearly every major deity in the Norse pantheon for not doing any of the work we've spoken about doing together. Each time I named one, they appeared before us. I was bawling into Loki's chest as they held me, and I could feel the tears and snot dripping down my actual physical face, too. As I did, I shifted into a toddler. Loki wasn't just hugging me. He was holding me, my legs around his waist with his right arm under my butt to hold me up. He motioned to everyone around us, saying that they are all family and part of this home space. Like my inner circle. Then he referenced me going to other circles (i.e. learning about and working with deities or spirits from other pantheons and practices) as a way for me to learn. And that they will all still be here for me even when I venture out to "meet new people" and that some people I meet may even join us in our inner circle. Cue Apollo walking up to us, holding his arms out for me to go to him. Loki passed me over to him like a parent handing their kid off to a babysitter or family member. There were a few small things that happened after that, but I'm still so struck by that sense of family. I felt so much more relaxed crying into Dad's (Loki's) arms. I felt safe and loved, and I felt safe and supported even when I was handed off to Apollo.

I'm really holding on to the comfort of those moments right now as I still try to care for myself in this moment. I am slightly dreading the inevitable inner child work that this was also clearly alluding to, just because I know it will be a lot emotionally, but it clearly needs to be done, right? It feels like a lot to maintain my current practices and deity relationships AND explore new ones. That in and of itself feels like taking on the world, and that doesn't even include all of the mundane adulting shit I have to do every day. I've just been so overwhelmed and overstimulated this week. I need everything to just stop for a second. I need to not be needed for just a little while. I need to be held for just a little longer until every last ounce of tension gets released from my mind and body. I need to get 10-12 hours of sleep for the next few nights. Gods, give me strength and rest, please. 🙏

[misscammiedawn]

Charmed! Recap Day 4 (Saturday)

Part 1 Part 2 Part 3 Part 4 (you're reading it!) Part 5

AAAAAAA!!!!

I bolted upright, terrified and activated.

“It’s okay, Cammie. It’s 2023. You’re in Annapolis. It’s Charmed. You’re in a hotel room. It’s 2:30am. Everything’s okay. Go back to sleep.”

Puppet and Sleepyhead take such good care of me…

I fell back asleep. I wasn’t even certain that moment had happened, but my journal notes said “panic attack in middle of the night?” And I asked Sleepyhead, who told me her version of that event.

I woke again at 7:30am, took a test and got myself dressed for first event of the day…

Yoga with Copper!

A presenter I had a firm connection to ran the class and it was nice to have an event with Copper. The two of us remained close during the event and did our best. I’m a bendy bitch but my reach is kind of limited.

The presenter was another person I really wanted to catch up with this weekend as we had a friendship built up from when we both lived in the same state. Alas, this was not the best time for it as I had a 9am coffee date scheduled with Daja and Nath…

Charmed! Outfit 5: Miss Dawn's Default Attire For those who want to look exactly like their Tumblr avatar.

Which I dressed up for in my “Miss Dawn Default Attire”, which is the outfit all of the online art depicting me wears. Well. Most of it. Some of it has the red magician’s outfit I wore at Beguiled.

For the Starbucks run, Daja wanted to ensure I got to eat a proper breakfast and was eager to get some time with me and her Lady at the same time.

Unfortunately what didn’t work out with our plans was that the first Positive COVID test of the convention had been announced and it was someone both Puppet and Tigress had spent time with. Puppet, for a few minutes while masked and Tigress while eating lunch.

Though it broke her heart to do so, Puppet opted to remain in the room until 48 hours after exposure to take a PCR level test to confirm she was safe to continue enjoying the con. Good news is that I am posting this on Tumblr a week later and all of Oikos have received negative PCR tests. None of us got sick.

But I at the time I was worried about a LIFE CHANGING appointment which would not have happened if I got sick. COVID anxiety played a big part of my weekend.

The knowledge of that important appointment meant Oikos needed to discuss how to handle this. We decided that masks should remain on during demos and classes, no inviting people outside of our bubble into rooms (Daja/Turq are inside bubble) and any major play required tests before hand if possible.

Sleepyhead was booked solid for the entire day full of demos and fun. I was OVERJOYED that she was getting all of that…

Though I will write a little more about that later…

I pulled into the tail end of the hairplay demo class and sat next to Daja who cuddled me close and ensured I paid attention, even going as far as to forbid the nuzzle trigger from working for the next hour. She was interested in my reactions. The way I gasped and whimpered at the wall slams, the way I shied up at the neck nape grab. How I giggled and enjoyed one of the presenters hamming up her role and another turning himself into a wall for the demo bottom to be slammed against.

There was a Kodak moment in there. You had to be in the room. Or the online stream.

Hairplay is always a highlight for me any time I go. Daja was in Toppy space and was being playful. My reactions must have been feeding her.

“And, sweetling, when the next demo happens you’ll feel whatever happens to the demo happen to you.”

I whimper just to remember.

The presenter was showing off his D.A.N.G.L.E the most advanced hairplay tactic where the hypnotee goes limp and their whole weight is held up by the hair pull and…

In 2022 I wrote:

"Eventually Daja’s second demo came about. The Directed Angle Neutral Grip Leverage maneuver. Dangle. A tall grip where the subject goes limp in your group and is held up by their hair.

Daja later told me she went as limp as she felt safe to but she knows her body.

I know how gorgeous that looked. Outside of skill level, but I wanted that. I wanted it. I.

I wanted it."

Daja knew this and wanted me to FEEL this… and feel it I did.

Mmmm…I…

Oh… *whimper*

I just

*Whimper*

I felt it…

The class ended and we decided to go up to the room quickly before the Topping Is For Everyone class and my own Communication With Deep Self class.

I was feeling a little destabilized so told Daja that I’d be looking at my tablet, but I’d be in the room and present as she taught the class. I sat in the corner of the room because the person sitting next to me in the front row was enjoying a teaching lunch and I still had hospital stuff in the back of my mind.

It was a good class. Last time I attended it Miss Dawn was eager to learn all the ways that Daja enjoyed topping and use her own tricks against her. Those memories made me smile then as they make me smile again typing.

EnScenic reached out to me via Discord to say that she was looking to give me a gift and that we should meet up. I told her my location and she said she would stop by.

Daja spoke about how seeing Captain Marvel helped her utilize Carol Danvers energy to overcome any social programming about manifesting her power. She said that she is beyond needing that, but outright said “I have nothing to prove to you.”, which reminded me of a brat taming scene I had done with her once, and that made me smile. I love her so much when she’s bold and strong and sure of herself. I always love her. But my heavens that glow when she is firm and certain in her conviction and determined.

I am still beyond smitten.

She went over a little bit about the vampire fantasy which was going to end our weekend and how things were looking from her perspective.

I simply couldn’t wait. The way Daja went through my fantasy list and wanted to make them all a reality was just—

I cannot even begin to find words for how honored, flattered and overjoyed I am by everything from the weekend.

After the class EnScenic stopped by and handed me a hand drawn image of a Dalek yelling FRACTIONATE - FRACTIONATE!

I near died laughing when that image was posted online. Apparently EnScenic remembered my reaction because she went through the effort of bringing it to the con and hunting me down…

So many people did so many nice things for me this weekend…

I— I’m so happy to be part of this community. I’m finally home. I finally came to the party. I’ve always been welcome. I’m here. I’m happy. I’m home.

I want to hug every single person. Just squee about what they all mean to me. How humbled I am by their encouragement and acceptance. I may have cried again. I don’t know. I was all over the place.

After a quick lunch it was time for my class, Communication With The Deep Self.

Daja and Copper were in the audience as well as a Twitter community writer of whom I have great respect and admiration for and the gentleman who was being an issue on the Discord, along with a group of folks he seemed deeply engaged in conversation with, hyping up Ormund as the best hypnotist.

The Zoom coordinator hopped on and began to start the intro schpiel, it was quite loud. Loud enough that Daja plugged her ears.

It did not seem to dissuade the disruptive party from a conversation. They even seemed to be standing up and testing balance or measuring feet size. I was not certain. I was simply bewildered. I could not understand what I was seeing. The class had started. Please sit the ever living fuck down you *intruder*.

The class went okay. I feel I gave a better version of the talk a year ago, but I was discombobulated and in the wrong headspace for it. Dawn would have done a better job of it.

I recall explaining the concept of the mirror lake trance I use on Sleepyhead versus the “Ceiling Unlimited” version that I use on Daja. The concept is a complete and utter tranquil state of peacefulness. I used it on either of them to try and induce Esdaile. Succeeded in both cases.

Copper told me that I had misinterpreted the meaning of Ceiling Unlimited, but it’s okay because it likely matches the meaning of the Rush song I was pulling from.

I wish I had a better recollection of the class but it was a blur. I do not wish I had a recording for that one. Still wish I had one for the Presence class.

It proves that I need to tailor my output to be more akin to Presence.

Daja and I returned to the room and had a few quick scenes. I was still riding a bit of Top energy from the class and so did my absolute best to pounce her, pushing the “feel me” trigger as far as it could go. I was feeling fair triumphant but Daja appeared to be a loving brat and proved that she is not the only one who can stretch the “feel me” trigger.

As I pulled her in with a “Daja, Kiss Me!” And a Freeze, I enjoyed keeping her at the egde of my range. I then hypnotically bound her wrists to a surface and released her. Hung right outside of her ability to reach me.

“Feel me make you kiss me.”

…!

That!

She!

….!!!!!

UNFAIR! TRICKERY! THIS IS MUTINY. 

And that is how Daja successfully flustered a Fae.

And then made her sweetling go deep.

I tend to write “eclipse” as a descriptive in prose. For when someone stands above someone and engulfs their entire vision. To block out light and make the entire world a single focus that is the person commanding your attention.

Daja eclipsed me in that moment. She was delighted by how my eyes rolled up and asked for permission to take the photo above.

We paused for food and enjoyed a quick date before moving on to evening events.

With that, we prepared for the soiree. This was when the blue fire scene had been scripted to have happened, so I simply skipped the ceremony and used the forehead press to have her get dressed and pulled on my own outfit:

Charmed! Outfit 6: The Soiree

For lovely queer ladies who are going to the ball to flirt.

As we left the hotel room there was a Moment which feels too private for me to truly intrude upon. But Daja and I got to be there for a friend. I’m glad I was there. I am glad I could be of assistance…

Once that I accompanied Daja to the Soiree room but did not have much time to enjoy the queer ambiance as Sleepyhead showed up looking for me.

She did this because she is a good Dolly.

Earlier in the day she and I had discussed hitting the vendor’s hall together. I wanted to get her a lovely birthday present. That was always on the cards. My presence with her in the vendor’s hall was no longer a request, though. It was a neccessity.

See… while I have been off attending Topping Is For Everyone, teaching Communication With The Deep Self, having coffee and subs and curry— Dolly, sweet little thing she is, had been keeping herself VERY busy. Dollification class, fractionation class, memory play class, hypno-roulette…. she had been demoing nearly constantly since 10am.

I posted this on Twitter and I find it to be the most accurate representation of how Saturday was for Sleepyhead:

And so I hooked her arm and lead her up the stairs. I was in my most fancy outfit, wearing heels and a swooning blissed out dolly was leaning against me barely lucid enough to do more than sigh and murmur when I softly asked her to stay with me and follow along.

The vendors room was a very small part of my weekend. I doubt it lasted more than 30 minutes and yet I was able to fit in quite a number of potent memories. From bumping into a number of folks I had longed to speak to all weekend while dressed up in my best; to taking my sweet girlfriend around each stall to examine the wears while softly teasing her with little promises of what each item could be used for.

It is rare for me to get these pure dominant moments where I get to embody the style and grace of a Top in a non-scene space. She was so very sweet and tender and her passion for hypnotic trinkets was so refined. Every book on sale she owned. Literally every single one.

After a full cycle we discussed what she enjoyed and went back to look at the ones that she had her eye on. A necklace with a near Disco Ball level of sparkles surrounding it. “We’ll take it.” And I paid while she admired. Then another trinket, a sibling of the bottle I uncorked earlier that weekend.

I tipped Linny $10 extra for being responsible for my best scene of the weekend. I feel it was more than well earned.

Feeling dominant and confident, I lead Sleepyhead back to the room so she may enjoy a little more of her hypnotic reverie. Puppet, who was now taking her PCR level test, was still confined to the room. As I settled down, Puppet explained that Sleepy was intending to go stay with someone important to her and needed to prepare for that. The test pinged negative and I proved to everyone, including myself, that Bad Pain Days have incredible highs as well as lows.

See when I’m in a BPD day I am so overwhelmed by my own emotions that I cannot filter or apply appropriate levels of reaction to things. Typically this is set off by upset, paranoia or frustration.

It can also be sparked off by moments of love, moments of relief, euphoria. Even as I skipped through the day there had been several moments where I had cried and been torn asunder by raw emotion.

Puppet got the negative. Sleepyhead had the Most Perfect Day Ever.

I broke down in happy tears. Blubbering that I was so worried about Dolly.

About this time. Saturday night of Charmed! 2022, Puppet and I knelt side by side in front of our Goddess and were asked to, under no compulsions and free of any influence, give ourselves to our beloved Goddess.

That memory means the world to me. It was *special* it was *important*. But it was in the Oikos living room, in the light of a make-shift studio I created for the occasion. It was lovely. But it was not the plan.

It would have taken place in one of the classrooms. Surrounded by loved ones. Witnesses who loved Goddess. Witnesses who were overjoyed to see Puppet and I’s big moment of accepting our collars.

Omicron crushed that dream. Just 3 weeks before the event and that impacted all of us in ways we’re still not fully over, yet. When Beguiled happened, Puppet and I went rogue. We needed to be there for our sanity and mental health.

Sleepy refused to go. She couldn’t handle another dream being snatched away.

I was carrying so much worry that Sleepy’s anxiety would keep her from enjoying the con, but here she was, fractionated to oblivion and with even further evening plans. Puppet was not going to be confined any longer.

It turned out okay. It was alright. Thank heavens. It was alright.

I love them both so very much. I love them and I’m so glad they got to have this and no one can take it away from them this time.

So fucking happy.

I returned to the Soiree to finish up but it was *loud* in there. I sat on the outskirts of the room and chatted mildly with Joy but Miss Daja informed me that if I was uncomfortable, I should leave. She was proud of me for speaking up for myself earlier in the day, she wanted to ensure I was always rewarded for speaking up and seeking my comfort.

So I slipped out… around about the same time another friend from the local hypno-community did.

This person was someone I’ve not seen since March 2020. She was a member of the HYPE monthly hypnosis meet-up in Grand Rapids.

We bonded a little bit over old memories and for a brief moment I felt calm and comfortable. Like I *could* just start up conversations without shyness or feeling stupid.

After she left I confessed this feeling to Kitty Sylvie who was door dragon for the moment. 

And then I started crying again.

Because Sylv said such kind words about my presence in the community, especially online and then Psy just appeared out of nowhere backing them up and I was just left without words. Two lovely humans who I trusted and wished I were better at being open, casual and conversational with.

Perhaps in another world I would have stayed in that hallway. I would have opened up and made a connection with two people I actually *do* desire to know better. I would have channeled some of that adorable cuteness or that flashy performative charm or my level serious empathetic conversational energy.

In this reality, I let the tears win and I retreated to the room. There I ran a hot bath to activate physical extreme stimulus. Unlike some of my friends who go through this, I couldn’t be feeling rope bite tonight. Nor would I seek it.

Some music and heat will do the trick… and they did.

Daja IMed me to let me know that not only had the soiree ended pleasantly and she had met up with Tennfan. Thanks to some banter during the Topping Class she discovered that Tenn had enough training to handle drops and falls and things that Daja had assumed no one in the community was physically capable of doing with her other than the ONE PERSON SHE WOULD NEVER EVER EVER.

I was summoned to meet them after Daja had run a scene and listened to them chat a bit. Tenn is one of the 5 major asexuals in the community who I find trust and kinship with. 

Tenn and I really need to build a rapport and just get to talking. I may have to be the one to throw the first signal.

But that chat we all had was really nice. Really really nice.

Apparently the topic did not elude my devious Faelike nature because once Daja was free we snuck into my room for another scene. Puppet was enjoying post-quarantine freedom and Sleepy was away for the night.

Dawn *pounced*. To the point where Daja once again had to invoke the pact the two of us had made.

Sometimes I worry about going too far; understanding that, Daja made a promise that she would enforce our agreed upon boundaries if I do, so I can let go and enjoy the moment.

She enforced them then. I am glad she did. There is a certain level of “out of control” where I essentially hit trance state and for lack of better wording, my voice in Dawn’s actions goes away. It’s a liberating moment, especially when I think about it in her headspace, but it’s like throwing away the safety and I’m terrified of breaking something when I lose my over-controlled behaviors.

Daja is supplementing that and makes it easier to feel no fear. I am grateful to her for that.

After the scene was ended, I settled back to Camden space and cuddled her. I was still a little caught up by how INTENSE the day was and bemoaned how I hated that I cost her spoons to deal with. Spoons she needed for running classes and meeting partners and traveling.

Daja just told me I refill her spoons. She feels energized when we talk. When we play. When we’re together like this.

…what do I even say to that? I was lost for words. Well… most words. I had a few left.

“I believe you.”

Daja tucked me in again and fed me a chocolate. We had another day of fun and games. Tomorrow would be the vampire scene. Tomorrow was worth looking forward to.

Part 5

[lesbianmaxevans]

so I got sick in early november. I was double masked, out for less than 30 minutes (doing a necessary errand), but bc practically no one else in that space was masked, I got something. it probably wasn’t covid bc I took a pcr test that came back negative but I mean I never found out what exactly I had, so there’s always the possibility that it was.

while my symptoms weren’t bad while I had whatever that illness was (mostly just lack of appetite and fatigue), once I got over those symptoms, I had chest pain and shortness of breath. I went to a walk in clinic, got some meds. took another few weeks to clear that up (well, for the most part).

ever since I got sick I have been BEGGING my mom to stop doing things that are high risk (i.e. eating at restaurants, something she has been doing at least once a month). she refused to listen to my pleas. I start using our air filter machine 24/7. this pisses her off and most days we end up fighting over it bc she continually turns it off. I start wearing a mask when I’m outside of the few rooms of the house that she doesn’t use.

family comes to stay with us over christmas bc god forbid we continue to social distance and have it over zoom. I avoid contact as much as possible, wear a mask whenever we’re in the same room. they leave and after a couple weeks I start relaxing on my precautions.

my mom goes to meet a friend for lunch a little over a week ago. I’m still using the air filter and still keeping my distance, but I’ve stopped wearing a mask in the house. my mom has had a persistent cough since before covid, but it starts sounding worse. I can’t tell if it genuinely sounds worse or if it’s my paranoia.

she picks up take out a few days ago, and against my better judgement, I eat dinner with her, because I feel like there’s not really any safe place to go eat in the house unless I go upstairs and I don’t want her to yell at me for being rude. so I stay.

the next day I see a covid test in the trash can. I ask her if she’s feeling okay. she sheepishly tells me she’s not feeling well, something she probably wouldn’t have admitted if I hadn’t up front asked her. the test came back negative after all. I start masking again, fiercely hoping that I haven’t already caught what she has. I listen to her cough her way through a 45 minute phone call, terrified that this is probably covid. I tell her my fears and she yells at me insisting that it can’t be covid.

I do my best to never be in the same room as her, but my mom doesn’t care to share any of these protective measures, still wandering all over the house, not masking, coughing w/o covering her mouth, coming into rooms I’m in instead of waiting until I’ve left.

last night I notice I have a scratchy throat. I feel like I need to cough but my body just isn’t producing a cough. I’m mad and scared bc I don’t want to go through what I went through a couple months ago again. I pray that it’s not covid, but I don’t feel optimistic.

this morning my mom tells me she’s tested positive for covid and I develop a cough.

please wear your masks

[scroll-of-thought]

I am alive and stuff! I just spent the last week visiting my family and then going to a wedding where I was a groomsmen, and man, it's been a week. I spent like 2 weeks prepping for the trip before that and I've barely had time to do anything else.

Main thing I wanted to say/TLDR relating to this blog, witchy stuff and future projects: I'm taking it slow and handling life junk first, but I still have things in the works. And the youtube channel is still happening too.

Below this is going to be more personal blog stuff about the trip, future plans and some rambling.

So, right before the wedding, my mom calls me and tells me they're planning a family trip to the shore. They were going to spend a bunch of money to rent a house, and I told them "Why do that? Silver and I are going to live down there soon, and her grandparent's house is empty. Let's just stay there." They agreed, I set that whole thing up with Silver's parents, and we got the gears moving on that.

The wedding was awesome. I've never been to a good wedding but I actually had a lot of fun. I had to do a bunch of stuff, being part of the wedding party, and when the groom needed stuff I was volunteer gopher. When I wasn't running around finding missing flowers or trying to repair someone's cuff links, I was catching up with my friends. I've known most of the groomsmen for like, almost 20 years.

We actually ended up staying longer than planned so I could help him and his new wife pack all their stuff from the wedding, and he gave Silver and I a ride to the ferry.

And the ferry ride was a nice change of pace. From the start it was a constant rush, but now we had a while to just relax. We watched the waves, enjoyed the ocean breeze, and really decompressed for the first time in several days.

After that we got back to work and spent a couple days down there cleaning up the shore house in preparation for my family trip. We finally got home last night.

It's going to be nice to see my family for longer. On the way down to the wedding we spent the night at my parent's place and saw them for the first time since the pandemic started. I really missed everyone, but it'll be better to have a whole week catching up.

Cleaning up the shore house got us really excited to live down there and set down some roots. It's been a long time since I've had a place that feels like an actual home. It's been about as long since I've had IRL friends who didn't live very far away. Though it was really awesome to meet up with those far away friends for the wedding, and I missed them a lot. Also made some new friends, and met some of my D&D friends face to face for the first time.

The groom's cousin (I'll call him Labrador) is a really nice guy, and it was awesome to meet him in person after all this time of playing halo and apex and other random games together for the last couple years. Had some really good conversations about all kinds of stuff.

Plus him and his girlfriend (I'mma call her Bombay) are poly too, so it was nice to have someone Silver and I could relate to and talk about that stuff. We've never had that, and we've had bad luck in the poly community (running into a lot of less than decent people. Lots of unicorn hunters, really gatekeepery people, general toxic assholes, and stuff like that), so that was refreshing.

Also Bombay is adorable. Her and Silver not only have crushes on each other, but also managed to admit it to each other while slightly inebriated. They're both so shy they could barely talk to each other at first, but ended up hanging out most of the weekend. It was just really nice to see Silver being social and working though their anxiety, plus she was helping Bombay with her anxiety and low social battery.

And on top of that, she likes me too, which gave me some butterflies and helped boost my self confidence. Like, I have a lot of self image problems, but I admitted that I thought she was cute too, even though I didn't know if I'm anywhere near her type. And she just shuffled over to me and played with my hair and nodded and it was adorable.

I don't know if we'd ever end up dating her, but it might be a thing in someday. We are all pretty attracted to each other. At very least I'd like to get to know her better, and I'm still going to be hanging out with Labrador, because his cousin is my best friend and we all play stuff together once in a while. It's just nice to have new friends and maybe have a crush on them 😅

Speaking of new friends. We were down at the shore, doing a little shopping for the house, and as we were coming out of the store we were passed by a really cool girl on a bike. Silver literally turned her head to watch her and said "oh wow, look at her!"

Later that day were stopped by a shop that sells loose leaf tea blends that we can't get up here and that same girl was working at the register! She's like "Oh, I passed you guys earlier!" and we started talking for a minute and I gave her one of Silver's business cards so she could find their instagram and those two could chat. If we're going to be living down there sooner or later, I figure it can't hurt to make friends wherever possible!

Anyway, this is all a long post to say that life has been crawling by for the past couple years and last week was my first time back into the movements of social interaction, and holy shit did it move fast. But it felt good, we made some more friends, saw plenty of old friends. Even being as introverted as I am, it was really nice. And next week we'll do a little more!

So I'm just going to take it slow and try to recover over the next few days. My family is high energy, so I'll need the rest. Especially if Silver and I are going to socialize with more people down there.

Oh man, I just remembered, I've got to meet with a local witch down there to talk about farm animal laws in the area because she's knowledgeable about the topic and knows who I should talk to about bringing my feather children (chickens) down when we move. So much is going on.

[phoenixiancrystallist]

Day whatever the hell. 315? Sure. Whatever. I'm sick, I don't like being sick, but I am proud that Confident still looks good despite doing it while my face is acting like a leaky faucet XD

[racinggirl]

safe haven || charles leclerc 16

type: one shot pairing: charles leclerc x reader word count: 1.5k summary: charles taking care of you whilst you're sick at home requested: yes! “Hi :) First of all, I loove your writing! It's immaculate! Saw you're taking requests and I was wondering if you could do one, where reader is sick (the flu or smth?) and Charles (or anyone you want) takes care of them? Like really fluffy? Thank you so much and have a wonderful week :))” (by anon) Yeeees girl, who doesn't want fluff Charles boyfriend??? Requests are OPEN!!! warnings: mentions of being sick, mentions of !covid!, tons and tons of fluff, not proofread! notes: I'm sooooo sorry it took so long! I just had such a big writersblock and I didn't had the motivation to write anything atm. I will try to write more, I promise! Also, I hope you'll love it! I just wrote it in about an hour or so. I lowkey like it, but if you have tips or just things you really like about my writing and want to see more of, just lmk and hmu!

My masterlist

‘’I hate being sick.’’

‘’I know baby, I know, but I’m here okay? I’ll take care of you.’’

Those were the words you needed more than anything at this exact moment, in which you were on the couch in your boyfriends apartment in Monaco, your back leaning against his strong chest, his arms wrapped around you protectively. You felt safe, more than anywhere else in the world, because he was your home, your safe haven.

It all started a few days ago, you weren’t feeling too good after the Hungarian Grand Prix, but you tried to brush it off. Just a cold, at least, that’s what you thought. You made sure to do a COVID-19 test just in case, even though corona wasn’t really a subject people talked about anymore, at least, the illness, not the drink, people loved the drink.

Negative, thankfully, so you weren’t too worried about the fact you might have to go in quarantine. Just a cold, right?

No, things got worse, from a running nose to coughing, as well as stomach pains and headaches. You had the flu, and it was horrible. You never got sick, not even a cold would get you, usually. But right now, you could curse the whole world and space, because you absolutely hated it.

You tried to keep your cool, not wanting your boyfriend to worry about you, he had enough on his mind with the final adjustments before summer break. But he wasn’t one to fool, he knew something was going on.

‘’Baby, are you okay?’’ Charles had noticed you were a little less active when you came back home. Normally you’d drag him out for a walk around the harbour, watching the sunset in the evening, or the sunrise in the early hours. But this time, you’d just head straight to the couch, curling up under the blanket.

‘’Did I put the air-conditioning too high?’’ He frowned the moment you reached for the black fluffy blanket underneath your tv.

‘’No, no, it’s fine.’’ You mumbled, a sneeze and a cough giving away your current state.

‘’Are you sick?’’

‘’…’’

‘’Baby?’’

‘’Yes, I think I am.’’ You mumbled, curling up more underneath the blankets.

Charles smiled weakly, making his way towards the couch as he took a seat next to you, his arms carefully wrapping around your shivering body.

‘’No, I don’t want you to get sick too.’’ You whispered, moving in your boyfriends arms, but you too knew, he was stronger than you, so after just a few seconds of trying to get out of his grip, you gave up, your head resting against his chest as you closed your eyes.

‘’Then we’ll be sick together.’’ He said, placing a kiss on the top of your head.

‘’Charles, I’m serious.’’ You mumbled, removing your head from his chest to look up into his eyes, a sigh escaping your lips.

He simply shrugged his shoulders and pulled you closer, just to give you a peck on your lips. He didn’t care. He wanted to take care of you, because he loved you.

It stayed like that for a few days, you had zero energy, sleeping for almost the entire day, while Charles took care of you, handing you your tea, as well as providing you with the best movies (he picked them).

‘’Babe, you need to go to work.’’ You were on the same position again, under the same blankets – who had been washed twice already by your boyfriend who insisted on washing the blankets everyday to give you a ‘fresh one’ each day – while Charles was making your lemon tea in the kitchen.

‘’They don’t mind if I’m a bit later, it’s summer break anyways.’’ He told you, cutting up the apple slices just the way you liked it.

‘’They do, baby, they want to celebrate their summer break too. I’m fine okay? I’m feeling a little better already.’’ You said, looking at the Monégasque as he walked to the couch, eyes focussed on the tea so it wouldn’t spill, he had filled it to the top.

‘’A little, which doesn’t mean a lot, so I’m now turning on the tv for you and putting on another Harry Potter movie, okay? And I’ll get your sweater in case you get cold and-‘’

‘’Charles!’’ You laughed, a small smile on your lips as you watch your boyfriend ramble on about the things he was going to do for you.

‘’I can do things myself too, you know?’’ You smiled sweetly, his face confused and searching for the right words.

‘’But…’’

‘’No, no buts, you get your ass to work, I’ll be fine, okay?’’ You shot him a reassuring smile, one he knew was sincere.

After a few seconds, he decided to agree, after trying to search for excuses, which you only rejected. He left for work, but told you he’d be home as soon as possible so you two could order food from your favourite restaurant.

He was an angel, he really was. Every morning he would prepare your tea, cut up your fruits because he knew you didn’t like to eat bread in the morning. Everyday he would give you a little more food, knowing you slowly started to gain your appetite again. Every afternoon he would prepare a lunch, as well as a movie the two of you would watch together. He gave you kisses, which you tried to avoid because you did not want him to get sick too. Every evening he would either order or prepare dinner, and prepare a bath for the two of you to enjoy after chilling on the couch the entire day. After that, he would make the bed, turn on the candles in the bedroom, and give you a massage. He was the perfect boyfriend, and you loved him more every second of every day.

As soon as he came home that evening, he did exactly what he said he would. He ordered dinner, cuddled you on the couch, watching the movie you were currently watching, and waited for dinner to arrive.

After dinner he ran upstairs to prepare the bath, spreading rose pedals he bought the other day all over the floor and bath, filling it up with your favourite scented bath gel and candles for the romantic vibe.

‘’You know.’’ You whispered, leaning against his chest, the warmth of the water around you giving you tingles all over your body.

‘’Hmm?’’ Charles hummed, his chin resting on the top of your head, his arms wrapped around your body to pull you close to him, his breath moving some baby hairs on the top of your head.

‘’I think I should be sick more often.’’ You whispered, eyes closing as you felt his chest move, a low chuckle leaving his lips. He smiled, his hands drawing small circles on your stomach, the circles slowly turning into little hearts.

‘’I think you shouldn’t, because you keep avoiding my kisses.’’ He whispered, his breath hitting your temple since you had turned your head to the side, making you able to hear his heartbeat. His heartbeat, which was slow, relaxed, because he had you in his arms.

‘’I’m only doing that because I don’t want you to get sick, but you aren’t really helping.’’ You giggled, your hand moving to his upper leg, nails scratching his skin in the warm water.

‘’I won’t get sick.’’ He smiled, pressing a kiss to your temple. ‘’My immune system is the best.’’ He smirked, in which you rolled your eyes with a smile as a response.

Once you got out of the bath, he made sure to wrap a towel around your body, doing the same for himself afterwards. He smiled at you, that smile that made you feel at home, safe, here with him.

He was about to lean in to press his lips to yours, when he turned away from you, making you frown. But the reason made you laugh, a smirk on your lips. He coughed, a sneeze following afterwards.

‘’That was just a coincidence.’’ He mumbled, but soon after coughed again, making you raise your eyebrow, the smirk still plastered on your face.

‘’You won’t get sick, huh?’’ You smirked, arms crossed in front of your chest as you let out a laugh, watching your boyfriend cough another time.

He looked at you, his towel moving over his face, a groan escaping his lips. He removed the towel, looking at you as he stepped closer, pulling you in his arms.

‘’At least this means I get to kiss you now, because you’ve already infected me.’’ And with that, he pressed his lips to yours, kissing you softly while the candles slowly dimmed. They lasted for at least four evenings.

[silvermoon424]

Ugh. So I started having symptoms of Covid a couple of days ago (namely a sore throat and congestion) and scheduled a PCR test in my hospital system for Sunday. The nurse asked me to quarantine until I got my results back. I also took a rapid test that my dad bought, which came back negative, but as rapid tests are not 100% accurate I don't feel totally safe. I'm in a vulnerable population due to being immunocompromised and having a breathing disorder (plus I'm fat), so I really can't take chances.

Anyway, I emailed my work letting them know I'd be quarantining until early next week. Well, my boss (who is, uh, kind of a piece of work) emailed me back telling me to book an appointment for a rapid test at a town 20 minutes away tomorrow morning. As I was thinking of a response to write explaining my concerns, he called me. Told me that I didn't have a choice and that I have to do the rapid test.

Then I was having trouble scheduling the appointment online and he called me back again a few minutes later sounding angry that I was taking so long to get back to him.

Btw, I offered to do my invoicing work from home so it's not even like I would be taking sick leave. This is just because they would have to ask the other receptionist to cover the phone in the afternoons (she usually covers mornings and I cover afternoons) and apparently that's too hard for her to do for a few days :/

I know that when I test negative on the rapid test he's going to make me go in tomorrow afternoon :/

For the record, I probably am negative for Covid and I don't feel that bad, but I am just appalled this is the way I'm being treated. I want to be cautious- both for my sake and for my coworkers- and my decisions are being overridden and diminished. I've had issues with my boss before but this is a really ugly side of him I hadn't seen before.

And before people tell me to "just quit," I can't do that. But I will definitely start looking for new jobs after this, if this is the way my boss is going to treat me when I'm sick.

[mintelepathy]

"You are my safe place"

idol!jimin x reader/oc

word count: +1.2k

summary: oc goes to their home country, gets stuck there because of quarantine, and then finally goes back to korea without telling jimin so oc could surprise him.

FLUFF so much fluff

masterlist

Getting stuck in your country because of quarantine wasn’t in your plans when you went to visit your family earlier this year.

At first you were going to stay there for a month, but from one day to the other your flight back to Korea was cancelled, and the president had decided to implement a strict quarantine due to the increase of covid cases.

Everything was a mess and there was nothing you could do.

The worst thing was that this happened all of the sudden, and maybe if you had known beforehand you could have moved your returning date forward.

“You still don’t know when are you coming back, do you?” you watched him through the screen of the phone.

Even though you were at the other side of the world, and it was hard for Jimin and you to find the right time to facetime each other, you made it work.

Even if that meant that one of you had to stay awake late at night you’d always find some time for each other. Your times zones were so different that every time you texted him he would text you back hours later because either he was sleeping or working, and the same happened when he texted you, you were either sleeping or.. yeah sleeping.

You’ve been talking for an hour straight now and he was the one awake at 3 in the morning.

You noticed how tired he looked and somehow you felt guilty for talking too much and making him stay with you on the phone for so long.

“Sadly there’s no news, but I’ll let you know if something happens”

That was a lie, you actually had some good news, actually great news but you didn’t tell him because you wanted to surprise him.

Tomorrow at that very right moment you’d be sitting on a plane.

A few hours ago you’ve received an email which said that the permission you requested was accepted.

This permission allowed you to fly out of the country, and it was only possible because you had a reasonable motive to ask for it. Of course you mainly wanted to come back because you missed your boyfriend, but there were lots of important things you had to take care of in Korea, such as the new job you'd be starting in two months.

“You know what I’ve noticed these past few weeks you haven't been here?” you watched him as he rested his cheek in the palm of his hand.

“Tell me” you copied his action.

“I’ve realized how important it is to me to have you physically here” you raised your eyebrows twice and smirked at him just to tease him.

“You dirty minded” he smiled and tilted his head “but seriously, most of the time when I arrive from work you are always there waiting for me, and now when I get home it just feels so empty, or every time I wake up and turn around I hope to see you there sleeping besides me, but then I remember you are not here, and the list goes on and on” you pouted at his words.

“You don’t have idea how much I miss those things too, and I have something to confess too” he nodded and waited for you to tell him.

“You know how bad my experience with my ex-boyfriend was, sorry to mention him, I won’t go deeper into the subject because you already know but‐” you took a second to breath in before continuing, you always felt a lump in your throat every time you mentioned him. “but what I’m trying to say is that after him I was so afraid to try it again with someone else, I was so scared to get hurt, and then I met you, and you showed me in so many different ways how real love is, of course I’ve experience love before with family or friends, but I’ve never felt the same way I feel with you with anyone else and it’s just so beautiful. You are my safe place Jimin”. You didn’t notice you were tearing up until now.

Jimin couldn’t stop smiling at you. “You are also my safe place babe, I’m trying so hard no to cry right now, shit. I hope you can come back as soon as possible” you let out a chuckle.

“Me too babe, me too..”

———————————————————————————————————————————————

It’s been more than two weeks since you last facetimed Jimin and more than two weeks since you arrived.

You told him your phone fell and your camera stop working so he wouldn’t find out you were already in the same country as him, and it seemed he didn’t suspect anything.

You would phone call him every day anyway.

You wished you could have seen him as soon as you got there, but you were a responsible person and you didn’t think of breaking the safety protocol for covid, you also got tested and the results came negative so now you were more than ready to finally see him.

The only person who knew you were already there was Hoseok, and he had texted you earlier saying that him and Jimin were going to their dorm after practice so you could go and surprise him later.

You were so excited to finally see him, that was for sure.

A few hours later you’ve received the message you were waiting for. Hobi and Jimin were already at the dorm and it was time for you to go.

Hobi told you to let him know when you were there to help you go through security, and that’s what you did as soon as you got there.

He was so fast to welcome you that you were already greeting him with a small hug.

“Jimin is in our room watching videos of cats on his phone, I’ll let you have your moment alone” you couldn’t stop thanking him.

You felt your stomach spinning as you walked in, you were so nervous, but not in a negative way. They were happy nerves if that made sense.

The door was closed and you didn’t know if you should just open the door and run towards him, or knock at the door. You went for the second one because it was the safest considering you can cause him a heart attack.

You knocked five times.

“Come in” you heard him shout but you kept insisting and knocked five more times.

“Hobi hyu‐ WHAT THE HELL?” he opened his eyes so big, like he was trying to see if you were actually standing there in front of him, if you were actually real.

“Surprise!” you opened your arms at him.

He didn’t waste a second and embraced you so tightly and hard that you ended up falling to the floor.

“I can’t believe this is real, am I dreaming right now?” he pinched himself and you couldn’t help but laugh at his reaction, he was so shocked and happy just like you.

“Totally real Park” you kissed him how you could because you weren’t in a really comfortable position.

He deepened the kiss as he helped you to place yourself on top of him. It was so much better now.

He suddenly turned you around and now your back was against the floor.

He started to give you small kissed across all of your face and then he put his arms around you to hold you tight.

You didn’t know for how long you’d stay like that but you did know that neither of you would let go.

[etraytin]

Quarantine Journal

December 30, 2021

I was going to write last night, but I was so mentally fried by the end of the day that I spent the evening watching old Loading Ready Run videos and playing Gardenscapes and it was basically the most I could possibly do. These things happen, I suppose. Anyway, it’s Day 3 now of our weird internal/external quarantine, and like most of the past two years it could be worse but is still shitty. 

I’ve been sleeping on the living room sofa for the past two nights, one of those loveseats where both seats recline but you can’t lay across it sort of dealies. It is not terrible. Kiddo’s room is on the other side of the house from our room and I have wanted to be able to hear him in the night, plus I’m really trying to keep Husband clear so he might be able to get to MIL in Asheville sometime soon. She is not doing great, she has pneumonia and has fired her housekeeper/life assistant, and we simultaneously need to be there helping her and need to be absolutely sure we are not exposing her to COVID. Husband’s university has moved classes virtual for the first two weeks of term, so he is hoping that if he can last through the quarantine and not test positive, he can go to his mom’s place for a week and just wear a mask to be on the safe side. That only works if he avoids the germs himself, though. 

Yesterday we all got our official tests, rather than just relying on Tuesday’s home tests to tell us if we were positive. This town in Illinois only has about 20k people and testing options are kind of limited, especially if you don’t have a primary care doctor here. The CVS and Walgreens don’t test, and you have to reserve a time at the Urgent Care and that is not easy. We booked an urgent care slot for the kiddo so he could get looked at as well, but the rest of us all went to the DMV. Yes, that seems weird, but welcome to small towns, I guess. Half the DMV building is now a COVID test center where you park, walk up to a window, and they hand you a baggie with a COVID test, instructions, and a small amount of paperwork to fill out. You fill it out, you swab the shit out of your nose, and you turn the whole business back in and sit in your car for fifteen minutes to get the results. Husband, Dad and I all came back negative, but my mom was positive, despite feeling fine. 

Took the kiddo to urgent care where, despite a time we reserved almost 24 hours in advance and that was a pain in the ass to get, they told us they were two hours behind and we would have to stay in the parking lot or they would skip us when our turn came up. Apparently they had “like 15 walk-ins an hour ago.”  I swear to god I have all the respect in the world for anyone working in health care right now, but if you’re going to be a walk-in clinic, be a walk in clinic. Don’t tell people they can reserve a time and then just lolnope them. If I had known, I’d have had kiddo there when they opened instead of sitting there in the near-dark at 5pm. We had a time reserved for 4:40 and at 5pm there were seven people ahead of us.  Anyway, I was polite as I could be when I was so so so mad and had a miserable sick child in the car, and we went to the DMV with him instead. Positive. 

The upshot of the whole thing is that now we have two quarantine rooms and a quarantine bathroom in the house. My mom is staying in the office and the kiddo is still in the laundry room. I put the kiddo in the office with her for a few hours so I could air and clean the laundry room (it has an outside door) and do the laundry. With my mom out of commission, I’m now on laundry and meals and kitchen duty along with primary care of the sick duty. It is... not great. Husband is limited in what he can do but has stepped up big time to do all dishes and trash hauling which is exceedingly helpful and keeps him out of the direct line of germs. My dad spent several hours cleaning up the exceedingly disorganized and kind of icky master bathroom so we can take a shower in there if we want to. (The bathroom with the good shower/bath is the quarantine bathroom now, cry!) Other than that, we’re all just... waiting. 

Good news is, kiddo is feeling much better now. He felt miserable for the first day, partially miserable for the second day (mostly when he had to be out of bed and traveling around to find a test with me) and this morning he is perky and eating and pleased to be watching videos all day. It looks like while the vaccine didn’t completely shield him, it is going to let him shake the virus quickly. My mom, fully vaxxed and boosted, is still asymptomatic but for a tickle in the throat and a little fatigue. It could be a lot worse. I find it hard not to be aggrieved that after all this we ended up with COVID anyway, but I’m trying to remind myself that this was always the endgame. Even back in 2020, the projection was that eventually COVID-19 would settle in as another one of the coronaviruses, something you got sometimes in the winter and spent a couple days in bed and got better from. That’s what’s happening here. It’s what we wanted, sort of. Still kinda sucks, tbh. 

[madmadmilk]

ugh ugh ugh ugh i need to vent,, literally please feel free to scroll by

✨ lmao but if ur nosy or wanna give me advice, here are the main topics: covid, traveling, family, guilt, hypocrisy and how to make a damn decision and stand by it... ✨

lol okay here is the scenario (i.e. my POV): it's been a tough year and whatever through the pandemic. my mood, personality, productivity is unpredictable and i've felt isolated– but "safe?" i've tried my best to wear a mask, get vaccinated, spread awareness of my platforms– just been vigilent. BUT–– despite all that i got covid (prior to my first vaccine) cos a family member took a rapid test, came to my room to tell me that they tested negative... when it was actually to early to tell lol. i got covid just sitting in my room, working from home. lol i was fine, they were fine but that left a deep impression on me....

>>> anyway, i live in virginia. and now my younger cousin, who is like a sister to me, is having a baby shower in florida around thanksgiving. i... want to go, but i'm deeply terrified of 1.) flying, 2.) flying alone, 3.) flying during covid, 4.) covid, 5.) getting covid and bringing to to them, 6.) getting covid and bringing it back home, 6.) florida, and 7.) being around extroverts with no escape out.

i know, i know i know i'm an overthinker and anxious for no reason but like.... i wish wish wish it was a simple decision for me to say "yes, i'll come" or "no, i can't." but it's not, and i'm literally having stress dreams.

i feel like i've been a huge flake through 2020-2021, but there was a pandemic!! i can't even commit to things happening in 2022. i get so paralyzed sometimes, but also i wonder if i'm just being lazy cos i don't want to give any energy to think about it. and sometimes i wonder if i'm just a hypocrite cos i HAVE done things– just not as far as going to florida.

it's not an issue for me to go out and wear a mask; i've eaten at restaurants or watched movies. but i've still avoided MASS gatherings, a lot of inside events, and just people in general. i hate the societal prssure of "well, you're already vaccinated, you don't have to wear one". but??? why not wear one??? .... and then going to visit family who says that? i can't deal with it

((also i think only half of them are vaccinated there, despite being healthcare workers. i really really don't want to even be around that conversation, however petty that makes me seem. my tolerance for it is so low.))

AUGHHHHHH!!! i just wish this wasn't a big deal to me, or a big deal to my family if i say no– but i care a lot, and i'm horrified that they'd think poorly of me. idk.

most ppl i've asked has told me, "just don't go." and i have made peace with that– but my mom (who is a nurse lmao) is calling me a scaredy cat. like??? ma'am....

ugh it bothers me so much to the point that i ~hate~ myself for struggling. i feel like i'm whining and it embarrassing.

i'm telling myself that this is baby shower, a well wish event, and that i can visit them another time.

i don't know. i feel so shitty over all this. i feel like i'm overreacting and being a baby but– i just dont' want to ever roll the die at a CHANCE of trouble. and i just fucking hope and plead that this isn't me just shying away into my shell.

lol i hate myself, i hate how much echoing goes on in my head, and i hate that these years have divided us in more ways than one.

i'm not going to go, i'm going to draft a text right now and then facetime them.

...

..

....

anyway lol... advice? thoughts?

sorry i only post sad shit aeilfalfaw

[nerdforestgirl]

Note: Thank you to everyone who still cares enough about Sheldon and Amy to celebrate today.  I miss them, but it helps to know I’m not the only who still cares about them.  Thanks for playing along with this stilly fluff crawlspace stuff all these years later.  I know I shared my tattoos earlier, but obviously I had to write a little something too.  Enjoy.

“All right. Our appointments are all set,” Amy told Sheldon with a big smile. This was nearly the moment she had been waiting for for the last year. She and Sheldon were finally going to get their Covid vaccines. They were finally going to be safe and be able to get back out into the world.

“I don't feel well. Perhaps you should cancel mine,” Sheldon said to his wife.

“Well, our appointments aren't until next week, so you'll be fine by then,” Amy said. She was pretty sure that it was just nerves. Even if it wasn't nerves, she had a point that the appointments weren't for several more days. He would likely be over whatever was bothering him by then. She left his appointment as it was and set back to making dinner for the two of them.

Over the next several days, Sheldon continued to complain that he wasn't feeling well. Amy took his temperature, and it was normal. Then she took him to get a Covid test even though he insisted that it wasn't that.

“Maybe we should get you in for a doctor's appointment,” Amy suggested when both of their Covid tests came back negative.

“I just don't feel well, but I don't think it needs a doctor's appointment,” Sheldon protested as he booted up his current game of Resident Evil on the PS5 Amy tracked down for his birthday.

Sheldon wasn't acting like he felt sick. He just mentioned it whenever Amy talked about how excited she was about the prospect of having her life back. When she mentioned that she looked forward to going back to brunch with the girls or working in her lab instead of the apartment, Sheldon would start in on how his stomach hurt or he had a headache. Whether or not Sheldon actually felt sick was up for debate, but Amy was fairly certain it was in his head.

“You aren't afraid of the vaccine, are you?” Amy asked. He knew the science. He knew that despite the appearance that the vaccines had been developed quickly, they were actually developed with more than a decade of science behind them. They had been thoroughly tested. And of course there weren't any microchips in them. Sheldon wasn't one of those people who believed in conspiracies. Or at least Amy didn't think he was.

“No,” Sheldon said. “Of course I'm not afraid of the vaccine.”

“Then why don't you want to get one?” Amy finally just asked him. She was tired of skirting the issue.

Sheldon opened his mouth to answer, but then he closed it. Amy had never seen him seem so unsure of himself. That sold her more on the idea of him feeling unwell more than anything, but she just stayed silent and waited for her husband to answer her.

“I liked the last year. I liked staying in with you every night. I liked the grocery delivery and the take out delivery. I liked never leaving the apartment. I liked that everyone was using hand sanitizer all the time. I liked the masks,” Sheldon confessed. This pandemic felt like it had been built for him. He was happy in it. He didn't want it over.

“Oh,” Amy said after a moment. That actually made a lot of sense. Sheldon was the only person she knew who really did seem to thrive in all of this. “At least you included me in the things you liked about the pandemic,” she added after a second.

“Of course I did. You are my favorite person in the world. If I was going to be locked in a pandemic with anyone, I'm glad it's you,” Sheldon told her. She knew that. He couldn't live without her.

“You're my favorite person too. That's why I want you safe. That's why I want you to get the vaccine,” Amy told Sheldon.

“Hmm. That's a good point,” Sheldon agreed. He hadn't thought about that element. He didn't want things to change, but he wanted Amy to be safe. The idea of his wife being safe was absolutely worth things going back to how they had been before.

“I'll hold your hand while you get it, if you want,” Amy offered. She thought of their original agreement all those years ago when a hand hold during a flu shot was one of the only forms of contact he would allow. That had all changed in the years since, but she was happy to be there in any moment of need.

“Well, that was a given. I suppose we can go get our vaccines tomorrow,” Sheldon agreed.

“And we'll still need second doses and then two weeks after that before we'll be protected,” Amy reminded him. They had plenty of movie nights alone snuggling on the couch left before they'd even be close to having their lives back. Plus more time after that to get used to being back out there. Sheldon could keep things the way they were for a while longer. As much as Amy missed some elements of her life, she certainly didn't mind the idea of some time alone with Sheldon.

[mommabird1772]

Hey, guys....

I know I promised a compilation of all your answers for Cas's wings by the weekend, but when you work as a waitress, and unvaccinated people come in without wearing masks, you're bound to get sick (even though you've been vaccinated)

I took a COVID rapid test and it came back negative, but we're waiting on the results of the extensive test to come back Friday. I also have an ear infection (ouch).

Needless to say, I'm going to take a little break from Tumblr until I get back on my feet. @thegracefulq and @softyshibu , you know how to contact me, please feel free to reach out.

Stay safe, everyone!

Bird Mom <3

@moostiel @stuckysdaughter @posingasme @wendibird @ethereal-enthusiast @thebananagurl19-blog @bean-witch @thequeenofsastiel @fae-and-night @germanpsychiatrist

[oboevallis]

runaway

hey it’s been a hot minute, not really sure what this is ive have it in my drafts for a while, but i feel like everyone’s written this 😂 but i wanted to post something at least also ‘who is he?’ part 4 will be coming out soon hope everyone’s doing well

“It’s always been her, hasn’t it?” Amelia’s voice wavered as she struggled to keep her composure.

“I didn’t sleep with her!” Link exclaimed, slurring his words. “I just stayed with her.”

“Whenever something goes wrong between us you always go running to Jo. Just get it over with and fuck her already! She’ll be all the things I’m not.”

“You have no right to be mad. I poured my heart out to you, I’ve been planning for months on proposing to you. I love you Amelia Shepherd, but your so damn self destructive you’re ruining this for the both of us. I’ve done everything you’ve wanted this is just one thing I wanted. If anything I should be mad, but I’m being the bigger person.”

“You’re being the bigger person?” Amelia chuckled in disbelief. “Talk to me again when you’re sober.”

“Who said I wasn’t sober?”

“Please, part of Jo’s help sessions always result in the two of you downing a bottle of whiskey, which is an incredibly unhealthy coping mechanism.” As she said this she was aggressively packing her clothes in a suitcase.

“Not everyone’s a fucking alcoholic. Not everyone has to sit an a room with fucked up strangers complaining about their lives, when they did that to themselves.”

“You think I wanted to be snorting oxy off of the reception desk of a medical practice while I’ll my friends watched? Or stealing my brothers car and crashing it trying to find drugs? I thought you were different but you’re just like Owen.” That’s the last thing she said before walking into their sons nursery and scooping with up.

“You can’t take Scout.”

“I can because you’re drunk out of your mind, I don’t even know why I’m talking to you.”

“Where are you going?”

“Don’t worry about it.” Amelia yelled before slamming the door behind her. She fought to get the baby in his car seat, she couldn’t seem to catch a break. She needed to get away, she needed to go back to her original refuge.

“Come on Scout, can we cooperate for mommy?” Amelia begged, fighting off tears as her son kicked and screamed. Despite being a movement baby he hated the car, specifically the car seat since no one could hold him. Eventually the baby was secured, and he quickly fell asleep, as he realized how he exhausted himself after his tantrum. Three hours into the drive Amelia immediately started to regret this, it was a 17 hour drive, and she was doing it alone with a baby who just barely turned one. No, she was doing this, she needed to. She’d be sure to take as many breaks as she needed. This was what needed to be done for her and her sons well-being.

After two hotel visits and countless stops along I-5 S she found herself in LA standing outside her sisters door, but couldn’t bring herself to knock. She knew Addison loved her but she couldn’t help already feeling the subtle condescension. ‘How have you already managed to screw this up?’ ‘I love you Amy, I do, but isn’t this a little extreme?’ ‘You’re clean, right? Because I’ll take you back right this minute’

Quickly she turned around to go back to her car to think about her next game plan before a voice stopped her.

“Amy?” Amelia jerked back around to be met with Addison’s confused yet comforting smile.

“Umm I’m vaccinated, but I got tested if that makes you more comfortable. I’m negative I-I just needed to get put of Seattle.”

“I know the feeling.” The older woman chuckled holding the door open wider to allow the two to come in. “Now let me hold my new nephew!” She squealed as she held her arms out for the baby, soaking in his tiny stature. “I miss when Henry was this little.”

“Where is the little guy? It’s awfully quiet.”

“They went camping, Henry’s been stir crazy for over a year and it seemed safe enough for the two to go away.”

“I’m sure Jake was thrilled.” Amelia smirked thinking back to the time the practice went on a camping trip together and Jake had almost refused to go hence his disdain for the wilderness.

“You know it.” Addison joked along, playing with the baby’s tiny fingers. The older woman then lead the way back onto the deck and settled on a lounge chair under an umbrella. Amelia followed behind and took out sunscreen from the diaper bag she was sure to pick up once they got to LA. “He’s absolutely adorable Amelia.”

“Thanks.” Amelia smiled as she lathered the baby’s extremities with sunscreen.

“Gosh i just want to eat him up.” Addison pretended to bite into him, causing the baby to shriek with laughter. Cracking the first genuine smile the neurosurgeon had since after Maggie’s wedding. “You know I was talking to Charlotte a little while ago and she mentioned she was going to go to a meeting if you want to go meet up with her, she still goes to the one near the pier.”

“Thank you, Addison.” It now felt silly to have been scared to talk to Addison, she always knew how to help the neurosurgeon. “Are you sure you’re okay to watch him?”

“More than okay.” Addison beamed, running her hand through the baby’s hair. “And even if you stayed I still wouldn’t let this little guy go.”

“I love you Addie.”

“Love you too Amy.” Addison assured as the woman walked out to her car, it’d be a lie if she said she wasn’t worried for her little sister. But she was reaching out for help, she wasn’t sure what the issue was but she was immensely proud she came to her and not a baggie of pills.

_______________________________________

“Don’t you think you should call her?” Jo asked as she prepared a bottle for Luna.

“No.” Link coldly said, cradling the baby in his arms.

“At least for Scout’s sake?”

“He’s fine, looking back Amelias made it very clear she’s the only parent that matters or gets a say.” Link bitterly replied.

“I’m sure it isn’t like that.” As much as she loved her dear friend, he couldn’t see where he also went wrong in this situation. “She loves you.”

“Not enough to marry me.”

“She isn’t ready.”

“Her and Hunt were off and on, and she accepted his proposal.”

“First off she had a brain tumor, and because of said brain tumor she impulsively asked him to marry her. She thinks clearly now, and I think she just wants it to work out and be right.” Jo turned around and sighed as she saw her friends annoyed look. “You’ve never been a marriage guy, where is this even coming from?”

“I don’t know it just feels right, i don’t want to lose her.”

“Your gonna lose her if you push her into this.”

“I move mountains for her, I’ve adjusted my whole life for her. It’s just one thing, one thing that I want.”

“Link are you stupid? This isn’t fighting over what couch you get this determines the rest of your life. And marriage isn’t all that, it doesn’t keep a person there.” Jo sighed, since adopting Luna she’d been thinking a lot about her ex husband, and how stupid the concept of marriage was.

________________________________________

“Has he called?” Addison cautiously asked as Amelia fed her baby.

“Nope.” Amelia popped the ‘p’. “I get that he hates me now, but I thought he’d at least check in on Scout.”

“He’s just upset.”

“I know, I just thought he understood. He’s nothing like Owen but since we moved into his apartment I just feel suffocated like I did when we were married.”

“Have you tried talking to someone, professionally?” Addison inquired, leaning further back onto the beach chair.

“What so they can silently judge how I have a perfect life but still feel terrible?”

“Amy, you know a therapist isn’t going to think that, their there to help you without judgement.” She stared at the woman for awhile until she came to a realization. “After Scout was born you didn’t have any postpartum appointments did you?”

“No, the world had shut down a week after he was born.” Amelia confirmed.

“Do you think your having a delayed postpartum depression reaction? I mean you were thrown into taking care of a newborn and three other kids who aren’t yours in complete isolation . Then On top of that you didn’t have time to grieve Christopher. It’s difficult on women who have lost a child previously when they bring home a healthy baby.” Amelia held back her tears, as much as she tried to focus on scout she couldn’t help but feel broken over the fact Christopher didn’t have the opportunities scout has.

“Pre-covid a day wouldn’t go by that I didn’t think of Christopher. Then I just got so caught up in everything, and I’d barely think about him. I mean I almost forgot his birthday.”

“You can’t feel guilty about that.”

“I j-just wish Link would get that I don’t want another baby.I mean he’s ten times more understanding than Owen was about my grief but, I just don’t want another baby.”

“You’re allowed to not want another baby, but do you think it has to do with Christopher?”

“I don’t think so, I just can’t love yet another person without losing myself. It feels like I already have, I don’t recognize anything about me. Surgery doesn’t even give me the thrill it use to.” The older women sat up and placed a reassuring hand on the younger ones knee.

“I’m gonna talk to Violet and have her refer someone to you. Then you’re gonna talk to Link and come up with a game plan. And I’m gonna be right here the whole time, you’re my family. Everyone here is your family we’ve got you.”