#I wanna scream 🙃
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Fuck this shit ..
I didn't passed the public policy exam, but I studied ....😭😭😭😭
I'm so fucking done with this shit 😖😖😖
Now I have to do on oral exam 😭😭😭
I really really hoped that I would pass it 😭😭
I want to hurt myself so bad for failing 😭😩
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#so fucking irritated#this powerpoint i have to do?#has NOTHING TO DO with what was discussed in the modules this week#i have to do a whole powerpoint about healthcare fraud and abuse#which were not explicity discussed#it was mostly privacy of information/hipaa/medical records and laws about like domestic violence???#and this is the same class where i dont do super great on the exams and the discussions dont really make sense#im so mad#im mad at myself#AND im mad at this fucking teacher because wtf#every single week i am using sources for the discussion posts that arent what she provided and do you know why?#because they are almsot always inadequate or not even relating to what she wants us to discuss#🙃🙃🙃🙃🙃🙃🙃🙃🙃🙃🙃🙃🙃🙃#just a few more weeks of this#i can do it#right?#yeah. i can do it.#but please get dont let my other classes be like this#always#i wanna scream
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My batfam gender sexuality hcs 🥰🥰🥰🥰:
Bruce: cishet he/him
Dick: cishet he/him
Jason: cishet he/him
Tim: cishet he/him
Steph: butch lesbian to ME! She/her but she’s trying out she/they and doesn’t know how to feel. Might fuck with neos but she’s not ready to take that step yet.
Cass: think early on in accepting that she’s a human being she’d psychoanalyze the fuck outta herself to see where she fits in and be super super super pressed about the entire thing to a detrimental point but as she progresses she’ll be fine. Lesbian, and she’s pretty sure she’s a girl most of the time sure 😄.
Duke: I think he knew he was not straight since he was young (moonlight opened his eyes and broke his heart) but he never really questioned his sexuality at all. The problem is that he doesn’t question it because the idea of gender roles (girls do this. Boys do that.) is so engrained in his mind that it’s not even something he thinks can be changed, if that makes sense? Anyways I don’t think he’s the type to get dysphoria he moreso experiences euphoria when exploring his gender identity. I think he would realize he has different views on his own gender when he sees other people expressing their own differently. Like genuinely he goes to school and sees another boy wearing lipstick and his brain blows up. As of this very moment he’s “exploring” but he’s actually a lil scared to genuinely confront himself about this and uses “there’s bigger problems in the world” to get out of it. End goal is non-binary but for now he’s at the veeeeeeery tail end of questioning.
Damian: I think at the moment Damian’s just not thinking about any of that but it’s in the opposite of duke; he knows he’s probably some kind of queer, both in sexuality and gender, but it’s just. Not top priority for him at the moment. I wanna bring up clothes rq bc, extra hc time, in MY mind Damian does express himself a lot through his clothing and getting to the manor made him a bit shy when it came to skirts and dresses. Seeing the way boys, and especially black and brown boys, who explore their femininity are treated, he just doesn’t mention it at all and the scenario never comes up. He gets more comfortable as time goes on though and later on gets bold enough to wear a dress to an event. He’s stonefaced but slightly regretting it till some younger kid sees him and is awe stricken, like stars in his eyes and asking if he can do that too. Damian feels better about it and resolves to wear whatever he wants more often. I don’t think he ever comes out in big big way (he’d tell the people closest to him but everyone else can just figure it out) but he genuinely doesn’t feel the need to label himself at all.
#the way y’all do Duke and Damián in these hc posts….#Steph I wanted more for you truly but sorry ur unfortunately white#u get more than the boys but today ain’t about you 💔#I WILL say buzzcut steph true#and she’s black in MY mind so in MY mind stud steph true#Cass I have a lot of thoughts about#like for me early on in her lil suicidal era I think she’d find the whole labelling thing complicated and stupid#but surface level deep inside she likes that idea of community but she doesn’t think she deserves it and it burns her#post trying to kill herself with Bruce’s full support#she throws herself into the idea of this community but she kinda like. wants a good grade in being queer as opposed to truly exploring-#-herself. comes to head when she just breaks like crying screaming throwing up and Steph is like ‘why do you even wanna do ts anyways’#and cass doesn’t have an answer#she starts looking inwards and kinda. sets it up as a yes/no question tree for herself and lands with knowing she’s a lesbian but nothing#really concrete about her gender and she’s actually ok with that#imo she ends up with mirror pronouns#as in whatever you call yourself you can call her#I want it to be that earlier she was suffocating herself for others approval but now she’s allowing for vulnerability in a way that serves#her and her alone. this is in the tags and not the post bc y’all are actually pretty ok when it comes to cass in them hcs.#and I wanted the main focus to be on the black and brown boys since y’all always do them dirty 🙃#and just to be mean#Bruce wayne#tim Drake#dick Grayson#Jason Todd#Duke Thomas#damian wayne#cassandra cain#Stephanie brown#btw bringing back my Joey soft adopting damian agenda: damian absolutely made sure Damian knew he could do whatever he wants. Damian’s not-#-used to feeling hesitant about this kinda thing but he’s double embarrassed and joey says he’ll wear the damn thing with him. he does
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sometimes i wanna run away from my family AND my boyfriend.
start a new life somewhere where no one knows who tf i am.
#come home to a stressful house and get called by my stressful bf.#my brother arguing with my mom about keeping the kittens (he wants to get rid of them all now??? he doesnt even take care of them)#and the bf and i are supposed to go on vacation this weekend but it's going to be in the 70s (degrees)#and it's supposed to rain sunday#and he's bitching that it's going to be too cold to be on the beach#we're going for 5 days 🙃 only chance of rain sundau#sunday.#and he's acting like it's doing too ruin the whole vacation#it's labor day weekend you know how many people are going to be at the shore 🙃🙃🙃🙃#and my parents treat my brother like he's 15 still.#i'm about to scream#i really just wanna go on vacation by my fucking self to get away from all of.them#my mom is now worried about the racoons outside 🙃#bunch of fucking wackos i gotta deal with i can't do it any more.#ignore spelling mistakes i am livid#and it's exhausting#thisisme
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I just wanna listen to music ragged with rage and emotional desperation. But it's kinda hard to search for that sorta thing.
#bc i guess i just Associate that sorta thing with screamo and i dont like screamo#like funeral or brutus both by the buttress are sung with so much rage and i want that#i too want to rage. i didnt get a lotta sleep last night#bc sometimes i make bad choices lol#and everytime i search like songs to rage to its like. no. u dont get it. i want songs that make me wanna start screaming and wacking#things with sticks. ya kno. a very common and universal feeling#listen. i apparently deleted a bunch of info off a backup hard drive today. like bro y didnt u tell me to b careful???#i picked it up like ok i gotta make it work on this old ass computer. time to clear the disk space and reformat#so rip whatever was on there i guess. no used crying abt it now. that bitch is empty#hhhhh ive got that i didnt sleep feel where ur brain feels like its peeling away from ur skull#i need to go run. burn away my ✨️ RAGE✨️#just gotta wait like an hr 🙃 unless i get call3d into a meeting rip#unrelated
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#apparently I’m not done being mad about this I’m sorry guys I gotta vent#my dad is like an ox and never sick and like not very understanding with health issues/general illness#which you’d think he would have been after having me the super sickly child with a ton of health issues but no#we have a positive Covid case in the house and I have the same fucking symptoms I just started later#I have taken two tests- one yesterday and one today#and he yelled at me saying I’m wasting tests and also that I’m apparently fine which like#even if I somehow don’t catch covid I’m still sick but okay dad 🫠#if it helps put things into a better perspective… did yall know that back in November after I had my 3rd fucking endometriosis surgery#he asked why I was off work for two weeks and why I didn’t go back the day after surgery?#like I had had this surgery twice before and at home recovery was also two weeks both those times#but moreover like sir I have 3 incisions in my abdomen and my job requires me to left 50lbs???#at which point he still insisted I was fine and was just being ‘dramatic’ 🙃#I wanna fucking scream#I’m lissed the fuck off#did yall know he nearly got me killed once because I had neurovirus and he refused to take me to the er?#I eventually lost consciousness from severe dehydration- he thought I was sleeping and continued to argue with my mom that I was fine 🫠#they eventually took me but I was unconscious for several hours and it took five bags of iv fluid for me to regain consciousness#and the doctor estimated I was about two hours away from death so like#yeah#if that gives yall a better idea of the shit I’m putting up with#I have like zero tolerance for dealing with his bullshit when I’m sick#it’s the trauma from not fucking being believed for years of my life about any of my illnesses#and like also the fucking almost dying part#fun times 🫠#I’m sorry I’m ranting so much today I’m just really fucking done and have no other outlet 🙃
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My 6 mo. auto insurance premium went up by $131 today and I'm so fucking annoyed. They shouldn't be allowed to do that. Shit like insurance that we don't have a choice but to have shouldn't cost so fucking much. If it's against the law to live without it then it should be fucking affordable (or better yet free!)
#*screaming*#I wanna burn down a building#simi speaks#The agent I spoke to practically said it increased just cause they can. “Inflation” bullshit.#No policy changes or bad driving habits on my end. They just felt like making more of a profit 🙃
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maybe I just don't actually want to write fic anymore.................
#i write sometimes#liiiiiiike 🙃🙃🙃#I wrote 3 short dialogue sentences and closed my laptop#and I can't make myself open it back up#my brain is just like meh#and idk man I'm really starting to think it's just not gonna happen anymore#I mean. this is the first time I've even gotten an inkling of an idea for something in MONTHS and it feels like I'm FORCING myself#to try and work on it#and it's like.... I feel like I don't want to do ANYTHING anymore. I got sick of sıms again. don't wanna work on fic#I just wanna fckn sleep. sleep sleep sleep sleep sleep forever and ever and ever and ever#and I've been this way my whole life I know what's coming I can feel it in my bones I know the Horrors are coming#the bone deep inescapable Mental Horrors#and I also know the only way to even KINDA not go thru that is to force myself to do ANYTHING but... I just wanna be a lump.#but then I think abt NOT writing or seeing this thru and I'm like 😟#and I'm also just WAY too in my own head like oh a chapter can't be this long this is too much set up but can't get to meat & taters yet#like I just wanna scream
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🙃🙃🙃🙃🙃
#also would like to say this is my first time getting it in how many years#kept telling my sister in law the vacation was the first time I’ve been out and in crowds since covid#and guess what I get#🙃🙃🙃🙃🙃🙃🙃🙃#I wanna scream#shut up rosie
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Colour changes my beloathed
#PLEASE I FIGURED OUT HOW TO DO THEM BUT THATS SO ANNOYING#‘make sure to use the invisible colour change method’ SIR I DONT KNOW HOW TO COLOUR CHANGE IN GENERAL WHAG DO YOU MEAN#WHY HAVE I DONT THIS TO MYSELF#EVERY OTHER PART OF THIS PATTERN HAS COLOR CHANGES#I’ve accepted the ears will be slightly uneven I’m not smart enough for this#and I have to freehand a whole section cause i only have Part of the pattern I would need#so I have to figure out how to crochet tentacles. somehow.#I think we’ve got a cthulu plush pattern somewhere so hopefully that one’s roughly right for the scale I need????#im loosing it#I don’t have eyes for this poor fucker either cause I was like hmm I kinda wanna use buttons tho :/#and I don’t have safety eyes in the right size ANYWAYS#and considering how much I struggled making a Nose!!!! idk how im gettin those fuckers on there!!!!#anyways. I have been crocheting for roughly the past four hours straight 🙃#im getting this ear on. finishing the other. and then going for a walk#cause otherwise I might Scream
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i got to see four of my biggest heroes in person, relatively close-up recently :)
#myevilposts#got to see fob but not saying which date bc i don't wanna doxx myself somehow 🙃#i was screaming and crying like i was being torn limb from limb though 👍#AND LIKE UGHHHHH the magic 8 ball song was one of my faves so like i fucking won.#it was sooooooooo much fun i have never screamed or cried so much in so short a period of time. tbh!!!!!!!!!!!#my favorite part was when i went to the fall out boy concert to see fall out boy and fall out boy came out and played fall out boy songs#beforehand i was thinking like hmm i'm probably going to cry if they play 'fake out' and they're almost definitely going to play it#so there's a pretty good chance i'm going to cry. then they come out and start playing 'love from the other side'#and i burst into tears 😭😭😭😭#then when they actually do get around to playing 'fake out' i start full force sobbing. like 'my bestie just got murdered in front of me'#levels of wailing and crying.#the thing is that i can almost guarantee i was not the only person crying at the fob show. and i am not the first nor last person#to cry over seeing fob live. guaranteed.#DEFINITELY wasn't the only person screaming my head off at least!!!!!#fall out boy
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i literally hate my job i want to quit i’m so done with this
#having kids literally attack me day after day with no support from the directors and also feeling awful because i don’t want to upset the#kids either but like today the one boy he had to wash his hands cuz he literally put them in the urinal and he was punching me and stuff#that he didn’t wanna do it so i closed the door so i could get some hand sanitizer or wipes instead and he got upset (maybe he felt trapped)#which i understand but like nothing else i can do so now this kid hates me but i’m the one who is getting punched and scratched and whatever#literally every day and i know they’re kids but im really fckjjnf tired of this#have them scream and throw things at me and the other teachers and take them to the directors only for them to be sent right back to class#and I’m literally not trained for this and they don’t tell their parents anything so we get literally no help like if a kid is having a hard#time and acts out aggressively I understand it’s maybe not something they can control but then they should maybe be at a school that can#give them the help they need because I’m doing my best but I can only do so much and I didn’t want to make this kid upset or angry but also#he can’t go eat food and touch the other kids and so on with hands he put in the urinal 🙃🙃🙃#I want to quit I’m so f king tired of this sjir#delete later
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i am having such a "i have to do everything my god damn self on this campus" moment rn
i have one person helping me and i appreciate them a lot, for real, but also we are only two people 😭
#they speak#vent#delete later#screaming crying throwing things etc#why is it so hard to get people to PARTICIPATE#people here talk such a big game about community and mutual aid#but then when we're like 'come to our weekly meeting where we talk about issues affecting students'#no one shows 🙃#i don't wanna blame any individuals#i think it's a broader problem#but like goddamn#YOU CANT DO MUTUAL AID WITH 3 PEOPLE
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why should I be at work when I could be at home working on my byler hsm fic 🙄
#i say things#I sooooo don’t wanna be at work lmao I just mentally feel miserable#at least I got to be a ‘per my last email’ bitch this morning#that’s a little fun happy silly#but ugh. I’m so tired. did not catch up on sleep at all this weekend#wish I could afford to only work 4 days a week 🙃#it would do WONDERS on my mental health jfc#just gotta hold out until mid april for my week off…….. only a few weeks away….. I can do it#I will drag my feet kicking and screaming but. I will make it
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#I’m having a day 🙃#I’m scheduled for 51.5 hours this week at work and I’m dying#came home and got a letter in the mail saying my medical leave for my surgery next year has been denied#reason for denial: didn’t turn in the medical paperwork required by doctor#the due date for said paperwork is in fucking March#I even called and confirmed that that’s when it was due and that I had properly filled out everything else#I wanna scream#I called already to be like wtf and the person helping me was also like wtf#so apparently someone who can help further is gonna call me tomorrow to get this fixed but like#I’m so stressed I didn’t need this on top#and it’s like medically necessary surgery so I don’t fucking know#my manager warned me the company that handles this might try something like this#so the plan is if they continue to deny me I’m just gonna take personal leave rather than medical#but like wtf this whole thing is dumb#I really don’t want to leave but also this surgery is more important than this job I’ll fucking quit if I have to#but I would like to not do that#mad mad I’m so mad omfggggggggggg D:<
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Since these new neighbours have moved I've almost always been rudely awakened by them every Saturday 😭
#there's always at least one child screaming and the sound of an overstrained lawnmower trying to work#tbf they usually happen at perfectly normal hours of day but Saturday is usually my rest in extra day#and I've got my period so i just wanna sleep#but even with earplugs it seems impossible#i guess i can do shit instead of sleeping 🫠🙃#my head hurts#so much for 420 day lol
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