#and heavy post
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So I've been quiet on here a lot longer than planned.
The reasons are many. The reasons are varied.
The reasons are mostly fucking horrible.
Under a cut because it's long. Check tags for content warnings.
First was the expected absence: my parents came to visit me in Los Angeles over my birthday, so I spent the first half of October showing them around whenever I wasn't working a shift at my shitty department store day-job, or in class at UCLA.
Then, almost immediately after they went back to Australia, I got a second job working as a personal assistant for a composer. This was (and is) an extremely fun and rewarding job, but meant having one more thing on my weekly schedule, which was an adjustment.
Given that until halfway through last year, I'd been out of work since I immigrated in 2019, it took a while for me to get used to having so many concurrent responsibilities, and I'd just started to get a handle on things when I got sick right before the holidays. I took many covid tests -- all negative -- and eventually determined that it was just last year's strain of flu, which I hadn't managed to find time to get the shot for due to the aforementioned super busy schedule. I'm almost positive it was thanks to a particular customer at the aforementioned shitty department store job who coughed hard enough in my direction for their germs to get through my n95.
Anyway, last year's flu was a monster, and I spent a week in bed with a fever, then several more weeks being utterly drained and with a horrendous cough to match. It took a full month for me to recover, and then in mid-January, almost as soon as I started to catch up on all the things that had fallen behind while I was sick, things got bad, then good, then worse, then better, then much, much, much worse.
Basically, it starts with my dad being diagnosed with prostate cancer. He'd told me in October when they came to see me, but the surgery was scheduled for the tail end of January.
The surgery happened on a Monday, and it was a complete success. They got it all in one go. No chemo or radiation or further treatment needed at all. I spoke to him on the phone after he woke up, and he was in good spirits. Happy to have been given the all clear by his doctors.
I told him to watch Star Trek: Strange New Worlds & Evil while he rested up at home, because I'm writing specs for both this year and wanted him to be able to read them and know what was going on. He's the one who got me into sci-fi and horror, after all.
He went home.
He was home for two days.
He started feeling a bit rough on the Thursday. Short of breath. No appetite. Mum took him back to the hospital, just to be safe.
Turns out he'd had a mild heart attack. They couldn't figure out why. The echocardiogram didn't show any issues with his heart.
Then over the next couple of days, his breathing got worse. They took a scan of his lungs, and found that they were extremely inflamed. They'd given him covid tests but they came back negative. We told them about a work accident he had about 20 years ago, where a switchboard he'd been working on exploded in his face, and he'd suffered from inhalation burns among other things.
They thought that maybe something during the prostate surgery had caused irritation in his already damaged lungs, which put stress on his heart and caused the mild heart attack. He's never had any issues with his lungs since that accident, but they thought that maybe he'd just adapted to the damage over the years without realizing.
They kept trying different treatments to help his lungs heal. Nothing seemed to work. His breathing kept getting worse. They had him on as much oxygen as possible without intubating him, but it wasn't enough, so over that weekend they decided that they'd need to move him to another hospital with a more specialized lung unit.
When they were preparing to do that on the Monday night, he crashed. Another heart attack. Bigger, this time. They intubated him. Sedated him. Called my mum and told her to come in right away because things looked so bad.
But then he rallied. By the morning, though he was still sedated and intubated, the doctors were confident that with the right treatment at the specialized lung unit at the other hospital, he'd be okay. He was still in a rough condition, but stable. They transferred him to the other hospital.
He was given another covid test. This one came back positive.
My mum and brother called me once it was a reasonable time in Los Angeles to let me know what was going on, and the next day my brother booked me a flight back to Australia. I had to leave for the airport about five hours after my ticket was booked.
I got to Melbourne on February 1st.
For the next two weeks, dad was intubated, sedated, and in an isolation room. Every few days, they scanned his lungs again, and they were slowly improving.
Finally, he stopped testing positive, and was moved to a regular room in the ICU. Then he healed enough for them to extubate him and wake him up.
On February 13th, he was conscious enough to squeeze my hand when we went in to see him. On February 14th, he was conscious and capable of talking enough to ask a nurse in his ward to bring him his phone, and called mum first thing in the morning to wish her a happy Valentines Day.
Two days later, on Friday 16th, his lungs looked good enough on scans that they felt it was safe to do an angiogram, which they wanted to do just to double check that there weren't any issues with his heart that they missed with the echo.
They did the test. They found massive blockages. 90% blockage in one artery; significant blockages in two others.
Even though he'd barely recovered from covid, the blockages were bad enough that they scheduled him for open heart surgery on Monday 19th. They said without surgery there was a 100% chance that the blockages would cause another massive heart attack that he would not survive. They said there was about a 20% chance that he'd have complications, but only about 4% that they'd be serious/life threatening.
Like before, the surgery went well. Triple bypass, in the end. We got a call late on Monday afternoon to say that he was in recovery and looking good. His heart was functioning perfectly. They'd bring him out of sedation that night. Keep him in the ICU one or two days just as the standard post-op procedure. He'd spend a week or so in a cardiac ward after that, then head to a physical rehab ward for a couple of weeks until he could build back the muscle mass he'd lost while sedated.
We went in to see him the next day. Tuesday 20th. His 66th birthday.
He was tired, but looked good. Color in his cheeks. He made a couple of jokes. We left after about 45 minutes because he was pretty worn out, and we wanted to let him get some rest.
But then after, that his breathing started to get bad again. By Wednesday morning, they'd switched out the oxygen prongs in his nose for a big, high-pressure mask again. They called to let us know they were going to intubate him again so he could rest while his lungs recovered a bit more.
They struggled to get the tube in.
His lungs were deteriorating badly. He kept getting worse. We couldn't go in to see him because they were working on him all day.
At 9pm we got a call to say that he was just getting worse. They had him on 100% oxygen. He just wasn't absorbing it. His entire body was under massive strain. They were doing everything they could, but he just wasn't improving.
They said we should go in right away.
We got there by 10pm. My brother and his wife arrived about the same time. We went in to see him. He didn't look good. He looked pale. But he was warm, and he'd come back from the brink before, and we were sure he could do it again. We stayed with him for about an hour, and left not long after 11pm. Went back to my brother's place because they live closer to the hospital.
We were there about half an hour before they called us again. Just after midnight. He was gone.
That was about a week and a half ago, now. It still doesn't feel real. He was only 66. He hadn't even retired yet. He was working full time up until the week before Christmas, and had planned on going back to work a few days a week after he'd recovered from surgery. He never had any heart trouble, or lung trouble. He was active. He was fine.
My wife Zel and her mom flew in a couple of days after it happened. I barely remember anything from the past two weeks. Everything just feels fake.
I've been trying to write something to say at the funeral, which we've finally been able to arrange for next week -- it was delayed because we had to wait for dad to be released by the coroner. I don't think I'll be able to do it.
Anyway. That's where I've been.
It'll probably be a little while longer before I'm around here much, let alone posting with any regularity, because I'll be in Australia helping my mum & and my brother sort everything out. I have no idea how long I'll be dealing with stuff, or when I'll be able to make words cooperate enough to post anything, but I'll be back eventually.
I'm trying to keep an eye on Discord (I'm violetmatter over there) so you can find me there if you want. But yeah, I just wanted to let you guys know why I've been so quiet.
#cass says things#this is a very long#and heavy post#so i guess i should include some content warnings#uh#christ what do i even tag this with#cw: hospital#cw: health#cw: death#cw: parent death
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鉁煂欌湪
#realizing just how old so many of what i consider my heavy hitting posts are#...... fak...#5 thousand clown emojis#and for this one i remember i like. blacked out and completed it in 2 days#and it's been my pfp for the longest timeee T-T#oh also idk if i ever said this in the post of my olden blog but!#i wanted the clothes shes wearing to resemble both the pattern of seal skin and the moon's surface#while the water dripping from her hands and falling on a frame with seals walruses and whales is a callback to the legend of Sedna#i connected the dots... i connected them ok#princess yue#my art#atla#id in alt text#also u might have noticed the signature kdfjg idk what to doooo with the blog name. poll incoming.#i need to once again crowdsource my reincarnation strategy
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#almost forgot to post this before the end of pride month#my art#tf2#team fortress 2#fan art#mini comic#medic tf2#tf2 miss pauling#tf2 heavymedic#tf2 heavy#tf2 soldier#tf2 engineer#tf2 zhanna#tf2 administrator#fried chicken tramp#mlm#wlw#mlm wlw solidarity#lbgt#lesbian#gay#happy pride 馃寛#pride month#art#humor
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Happy valentines btw (^.^)
#art#tf2#team fortress 2#fanart#tf2 demoman#averiart#tf2 sniper#tf2 spy#tf2 engineer#tf2 heavy#tf2 medic#tf2 scout#tf2 soldier#tf2 pyro#tf2 miss pauling#posted this on twitter and forgot to do the same here forgive me#tumblr followers deserve love too#valentines day#tagging so much
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my arms are getting so fat now and i鈥檓 obsessed!!!
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day 54
Happy Valentine's Day 馃珋馃崼!!
based on this tweet:
#tf2#heavymedic#red oktoberfest#heavy weapons guy#medic tf2#tf2 medic#tf2 heavy#heavy tf2#wow two posts in a row everyone make a wish
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Born to be a grouchy old lady. Forced to be a grandma
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Desperately needed to do another shitpost and that Will Smith cock shame meme came to mind - I couldnt decide who fit who as you can see so now theres just a red and blu version lol which maybe indicates they dont quite fit the meme but shh Also kinda looks like a conspiracy board
I dunno why Scout would care so much about whether or not they stay together (they're the teams rock馃槱)
Cut below is me playing around with the images lol
I just thought it was funny
#tf2#team fortress 2#heavymedic#tf2 medic#tf2 heavy#red oktoberfest#scout: if we dont make sure they stay together the whole friend group is over#i think its so funny how many divorce arcs they go through lol#this actually wasnt a good art day at all i was really struggling#and took me forever sigh#its how it is at least it shall post
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came to me in a vision actually.
#if the writers gave him one goddamn moment#one moment of peace#he woulda gotten there#but noooooo#the only time he got railed in this life#was when he died#rip dean winchester u would鈥檝e loved heavy poured drinks at the gay bar#spn#supernatural#the cw supernatural#dean winchester#supernatural dean#destiel#deancas#dean x castiel#americanbi鈥檚 posts
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how do i fix my heavy
#tf2#tf2 fanart#tf2 heavy#what is she doing.#SORRY i havent been posting here#a lot#. I鈥檒l come back soon TRUST!!!!!
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reliable excavators
#team fortress 2#tf2#tf2 scout#tf2 soldier#tf2 pyro#tf2 demoman#tf2 heavy#tf2 engineer#tf2 medic#tf2 sniper#tf2 spy#era.png#this was just a doodle but Eh i cleaned it up and decided to post it xP#i realised i havent drawn just the normal mercs in a while sooo i made these#theyre redraws of their little icons. yknow the ones#id in alt text#smoking#thanks spy
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They're a little old, Scout...

A little bit of HeavyMedic at the end :3
Scout sometimes doesn't say anything. He just grabs and goes. But it doesn't work with Heavy LOL
So some of my silly thoughts: Medic tries to teach Scout some good manners, but Scout thinks he wants to experiment on him鈥ased.. I too 'm suspicious of doctors -_-
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Loving the idea of Heavy and Scout having this "big and little brothers" relationship!!! They both need it
Heavy is just trying to live in peace with these two around... He doesn't want to bicker with his lil' brother AND his crazy husband 馃拃
#team fortress 2#This post is like...THE clumsiest one I've ever done i think#I'm still sick though/ Can yall forgive me?? Pretty please T-T#tf2#tf2 scout#tf2 heavy#tf2 medic#How to draw Medic ?! HELP#Medic just magically appears yeah#he and Spy can do that...#heavymedic#tf2 mercs#heavy x medic#red octoberfest#team fortress fanart#tf2 art#my art
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silly doodle
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long way home
#my art#jujutsu kaisen#jjk#yuji itadori#megumi fushiguro#itafushi#fushiita#fanart#jjk fanart#jujutsu kaisen fanart#megumi#yuuji#maybe doing bg studies is the activity of choice while waiting fr leaks its so good 2 zone out n not think fr hours#can't stress about canon if you're busy studying window grates and ac units#this ws gonna start as a more train station-y piece#but as i am wont to do i got swept up during my pinterest dive#brought me further and further in2 small town train crossings and i thought they looked so cute#so i am like. puts itfs there :)#i love the idea of them just . meandering whatever quiet town they end up settling down tgt in post-canon#discovering hidden alleys n meeting all the strays holding hands th entire time....#i am manifesting PEACE and TRANQUILITY goddamn it#also i realized after the last domestic itfs series tht my use of red is at an all time low?????? leaning heavy in2 the green/yellow lately#here also . but i like the lil pops of red i included i think it centers them#happy w this!! happy w my me!! as long as i ignore the fact that indoor environments exist maybe backgrounds arent all tht bad :3
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saw this image flash before my eyes before i fell asleep and knew what had to be done
#// still dunno what this means#shitpost#yap posting#tf2#team fortress two#team fortress 2#medic tf2#tf2 medic#heavy tf2#tf2 heavy#heavy x medic#heavymedic#scout tf2#tf2 scout
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i鈥檝e spent the last 5 hours eating.. does it show?
#and yet all i can think about is fizzy drink rn#i want a baja blast but all i have is coke zero#feedism.#feeder/feedee#feedee.#hucow.#female feedee.#housecow#post eating belly !!!#finished that pizza and have one piece of the focaccia and bruschetta left#cake is gone still some tirimisu left but alas#also at least 500 calories of heavy cream down too !!
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