averageludwig

[averageludwig]

idk if youve done it yet but i would actually lose my mind if you did an analysis for demo

Aye aye captain 🫡 Time to overdramatize again!

Let's address Demo's wounds

(Demo's backstory was changed through the years but I'm sticking to the older version because I find it more grounded)

Demoman's story is easily one of the most tragic of all the mercs. Imagine you have been abandoned from birth, your parents simply rejected you for what you are. But luckily you have been adopted by some good people who replaced your parents and made you a relatively happy child.

And then you accidentally kill them. You're 6 years old. How does that feel?

I can't even imagine how a child's brain can't comprehend the idea of being a murderer. It was an accident, of course, they were blown up by a big explosion he created (genius kid found out how to do that, huh?) but still. His parents were dead and he knew it was his own fault. He learned he was dangerous as he is.

How was it like pondering about it in the orphanage?.. "I didn't want this! I want to go back and fix it, I'm so sorry", something like that. But he couldn't go back in time, so being covered in such an avalanche of guilt, he learned he needs to repress himself.

Demo have always had an explosive temper (no pun intended), it was his true nature, pure emotion: if he's happy, it's 100%; if he's angry, it's a full blown storm. If he loves, he loves with all of his heart, and he has a big one.

Living on the impulse, all or nothing, that crucial accident revealed that letting his true nature go will only end up as destruction in the end. Irreparable damage.

We don't know what exactly was happening to him during his orphanage years, but if I'm to guess, repressing everything about him: his interests, his character, his whole nature, was a thing to choose. He thought that he had to become still and quiet as to not to repeat that kind of tragedy ever again. He probably didn't have people to be friends with either, either because people rejected him for his past, or he avoided them himself due to his internalized shame, at least that's a guess.

But everything repressed returns to the surface sooner or later. As a child, living for so long under overwhelming guilt, grief, hate, pain and sadness, under the skies that are almost never sunny in a all-year-long damp and coldness of the Ullapool. Incomprehensibly grey. It was depriving.

He was always fascinated with explosions. He didn't touch it for a long time, but maybe something like seeing fireworks again one day made something inside him tremble... And to remember.

Explosions. Launch... Acceleration... Release. And every time the release happens, his soul fills with excitement, the body feels lighter and shivers go up the spine. Release happens inside his head too, for the explosions make his worries and pain go away for a moment.

He couldn't find another way to release his bottled up emotions, so gradually he returned to make explosives again.

It was something like an addiction. Similar to pyromania, except no one bothered to research this one. At the moment of explosion he could let his anger out, he could scream, he could run around freely, he could sense heat in his chest; he could be himself. As he once was.

Everything was cold. But the explosions were hot.

He thought it was under control, just a little bit of KABOOM after school, but he craved more and more every time, more vivid, more violent...

That's how he lost his eye. (...Was it a subconscious act of selfharm?)

The missing eye was a forever reminder of how deviated he actually was. He learned that he couldn't repress or change what he truly is - a monster. A Black Scottish Cyclops, wether it were his peers who called him like that or he himself, out of misery. There was indeed something seriously wrong with him.

It seemed like the only thing he was capable of is destruction. Destruction is the only environment he's comfortable with. Peace was always so anxious and depriving, and breaking things felt calming, so he figured it must be right.

And then his birth mother came and took him back, "now that's he's a worthy DeGroot". It was unexpected but... Pleasant. So he wasn't THAT worthless after all, huh? Turns out, it was really familial, the destruction thing. At least he found out that there was a reason behind all of this.

His new mom was, saying honestly, pretty cruel with words. She was not at all gentle, she was very strict, demanding and straight up abusive. It was never enough for her no matter what Demo did. She didn't want results from his work, she's just always wanted to mess with his brain.

And for whatever reason... This setup felt right for him. To be thrown around like that, to be humiliated harshly, it felt fitting, it wasn't causing anxiety or anything. He has to be a scapegoat, he had to forget about being a child and to start working as an adult, at the same time somehow replacing a father he still didn't have, but it felt good enough. Confusing relationships felt good enough.

Destruction was his habitat, and his heart could no longer accept anything else.

Cruelty wasn't warm though, just familiar, just an environment to not to go insane. But he craved warmness so badly... Yet every time he would get close to someone and receive a little gentleness and care, it would feel sickening. It felt unnatural, it reminded him of his lost parents and of everything that's wrong about him.

The only warmness his body could accept was alcohol, making him bubbly and comfortable and relaxed. He almost felt normal, happy even. Alcohol heat made him melt, and he felt so fulfilled as if he was in paradise, back to the womb.

Yet after the effect wears off, he feels lonely as ever. Quickly, existing without alcohol becomes pain. Existing at all. He became an addict.

Not that everyone he met rejected him, rather, he subconsciously reached out to those who would be cruel to him. Again, gentleness hurts wether he knows it or not. He's only good in destruction.

Lonely and clingy, ready to overshare, overall mess yet carrying a big baggage of love that has no one to give it to. Maybe because he can't give it to himself in the first place. There's so many issues unresolved because he can't handle them alone, yet there's no one to help since he was already trapped in a closed circuit of self sabotage.

He will keep acting like a party beast, always crazily emotional and overdone upbeat, a simple drunken man who will not be taken seriously that way. Maybe that's what he wanted, to not be seen as deep by anyone for not be reminded of his misery once again.

Seems like we bought that too.

...

The enemy Soldier might be an exception though. The man he really treasures his friendship with turned out to be an enemy; repeating the rule again: it's only acceptable when dangerous. Soldier deeply cares for Demo, however he's not gentle or pitying, he's as destructive and explosive as Demo is, and these two are a very rare perfect combination of destructing each other in the act of love. Both broken beyond repair, soul on soul, forever to be misunderstood by the outsiders. This is something about this relationship that looks like a golden lining.

They will not fix each other, but they sure are going to have a good time!

[averageludwig]

Hello TF2 Tumblr community, today we are happy to announce to you something thrilling!

"Love & War: Team Fortress 2 Zine" — journal, made with love about love.

Inside you will find:

❥ 36 pages full of art;

❥ Huge format - A4 pages;

❥ 14 talented artists;

❥ More than 20 ships!

In the next weeks you will meet all the artist and get to know what ships they are working on!

Zine will be in work till March, more info you will see later °˖✧❤✧˖°

[averageludwig]

MEET THE ARTIST

︵‿︵‿୨♡୧‿︵‿︵

You got a postcard from Avery!

Avery will be featuring Demoman x Sniper ship (Swordvan) on his spread, can't wait to see it!

More of their work can be found on @averageludwig

[averageludwig]

MEET THE ARTIST

︵‿︵‿୨♡୧‿︵‿︵

You got a postcard from Avery!

Avery will be featuring Demoman x Sniper ship (Swordvan) on his spread, can't wait to see it!

More of their work can be found on @averageludwig

[averageludwig]

MEET THE ARTIST

︵‿︵‿୨♡୧‿︵‿︵

You got a postcard from Avery!

Avery will be featuring Demoman x Sniper ship (Swordvan) on his spread, can't wait to see it!

More of their work can be found on @averageludwig

[averageludwig]

Happy valentines btw (^.^)

[averageludwig]

awesome shirt concept

[averageludwig]

awesome shirt concept

[averageludwig]

Honestly idk if you'd be interested but there's a demo centric one shot called "Demo in Drag" centered around shortfuse (demo engie), it's inspired by the song "Andrew in Drag" and I think you'd like it!! There's even art to go with it

Ooo I have read this one! Love it !! And another one similar to it too but with BnB. Tf2 writers sure do love their demo in drag... I haven't drawn him in a dress in a while... I should do something with that this weekend

[averageludwig]

I genuinely don't think there's anyone else in the fandom who loves demoman as much as you do /pos

Sadly Yes. Certified and appointed!!!!! I actually felt like i couldn't say that for a while because I didnt have any merchandize of him buttttt past few months have been me spending most of my commission money on him 😭 I am in very deep, not to say I am not enjoying it though!! I love him dearly <3 I do wish there were more demo centric accounts still 😞😞😞

[averageludwig]

Oh and while I am still here, pretty please tag me in demoman art, I have missed a bunch on this app and twitters been decently dry. Thank youuu

[averageludwig]

I love every pixel of your art, idk if this makes proper sense but I want to pick up your artwork in a big bear hug and start spinning rapidly in circles

Ahhhh thank you thank you thank you. You guys are very sweet and always so welcoming when i come back here every other month.

[averageludwig]

JOIN US‼️‼️‼️

Lesbian demoman yumeshippers rise up

I am deep in there atp, Made a whole Oc and Lore for him. Awful. Let me know if you wanna see. He has been going through alot developments and I am almost ready to draw him making out with his beautiful wife demoman tf2. Soon probably.

[averageludwig]

painting my hyperfixation like a woman I am in love with + bonus painting i like less

[averageludwig]

he got here a while ago but I thought you did like to see :3. he is being very well loved. my snoring bud.

Demoman plushie got announced on twitter so. This is your yearly reminder that i do take commissions. I FUCKING NEED THAT THING YOU HAVE TO UNDERSTAND

https://artistree.io/averimas

[averageludwig]

hey so its been 5 years

[averageludwig]

AFTER 3 MONTHS. GUESS WHAT.

100 dollars well spent . everyone who commissioned me will find true love and riches in 10 seconds

Demoman plushie got announced on twitter so. This is your yearly reminder that i do take commissions. I FUCKING NEED THAT THING YOU HAVE TO UNDERSTAND

https://artistree.io/averimas