#I thought I was getting better

[noname-404s-blog]

[deathstar-ve]

Pre/Post B1nge B0dy Check

First Pic: Day before 3 day 19k c4l b1ng3 (ga1n3d 12 lbs, mostly water.)

Last Pic: Today, 12 hours after b1ng3.

Fuck my life. Posting for accountability and to remind my fellow 4n4s that first 'snack/treat' is NEVER worth it. Love yall. 😭🫶

[pain-is-my-game]

Anybody else going through that feeling where you don't want to burden people with your feelings but at the same time want the attention from people being worried about you?

[neilperryismine]

I think im fine and then I see a picture of Neil’s empty desk and it hits me all over again

[kybercrystals94]

Resilient

By KyberCrystals94

Read here on Ao3!

Whumptober 2023 | Day 30 | Prompt 31: “I thought I was getting better.” | Setbacks | “Take it easy.”

Rating: T

Words: 935

Summary: Echo thought he had gotten past these episodes.

Author’s Note: I swapped the prompts for today and tomorrow, because I was going to post Part 3 of Regroup today; however, I needed a little more time with it, so it will be coming tomorrow!

“CT-1409, do you experience these episodes often?” a soft, even, expressionless voice asks.

Echo turns his head and finds himself face to face with a Kaminoan lab assistant, large orb eyes blinking slowly, expectantly. Waiting. They had asked him a question.

“What?” he asks, shifting awkwardly where he sits on the end of a medical cot, metal legs dangling.

The Kaminoan sighs but repeats the questions. “Your night terrors. Do you experience these episodes often?”

“No,” comes the automatic lie, “I don’t have night terrors.”

“That is incorrect, CT-1409,” the Kaminoan refutes, “Our records indicate that you experience night terror episodes between two and three times per week.”

“What records?” Echo demands. He’s never confessed his nightmares to anyone, let alone a Kaminoan medical facility. The only ones who know that he wakes up some nights with a scream being torn out of his lungs are...

“We receive reports from Clone Force 99,” the Kaminoan replies coolly. “It is troubling that you would find it acceptable to lie about your condition.”

Echo’s mind is reeling. The Batch told them? They’ve been reporting to the Kaminoans all this time? He trusted them...

“It isn’t a condition,” Echo protests weakly. His mouth and throat feel like he swallowed sand.

“Fully functioning clones are resilient to mental and emotional disorders such a post-traumatic stress. However, seeing as you have been altered extensively by the Techno Union, it is understandable that your cognitive constitution has been compromised.” The Kaminoan turns away from him, picks up a syringe filled with a silvery blue substance.

Echo stares at it. “What is that?”

“The cost of treating your condition far outweighs the benefits,” the Kaminoan tells him. “Please lie back and remain calm.”

“You’re going to decommission me,” Echo breathes out. He doesn’t move to lie down, he can’t. Even if he wanted to. He doesn’t want to. He doesn’t want to die. “I need to speak with my commanding officer. CT-99...”

“There is no need,” the Kaminoan interrupts him. “Your commanding officer is fully aware of our decision.”

“No!” Echo shakes his head. “Hunter would not allow this. I demand to speak to him immediately.”

“You are Kaminoan property. Your commanding officer has no say. Please follow my request, or I will be forced to have you restrained.”

Echo wills himself to move, but it’s as though his muscles have turned to stone, heavy and unyielding. He can only watch in horror as the Kaminoan approaches him, puts a hand on his shoulder and pushes him back. The needle of the syringe glistens in the haunting white light overhead.

“It is a painless death,” the Kaminoan assures him.

“No, please,” Echo begs, and he realizes he is crying. “Please, I don’t want to die. Please.”

“You have served your purpose and are no longer a valuable or viable resource.” The pinch of a needle.

“Please...”

“Echo!”

The cyborg sits up with something between a strangled scream and a gasp. He is breathing hard, lungful after lungful of air doesn’t seem to be enough. A hand grips his bicep hard, and Echo pulls away wildly, swinging out with his scomp arm.

“Hey, hey, take it easy,” Hunter’s voice sounds startled, and Echo turns to see the Sargeant looking at him from several paces away.

“Stay away from me,” Echo chokes out, “Don’t come near me.”

“Echo,” Hunter soothes, “you were having a nightmare. You’re safe. You’re okay.”

“No,” Echo cries, “I’m not okay. I’m not!”

“Alright,” Hunter says.

Echo nods, still breathing hard. He can’t decide if his face is wet from sweat or tears. Maybe both. Either way, he rubs at his face with a shaking hand.

Hunter takes a step toward him, and Echo swallows, averting his eyes to the tangle of blankets only half covering him now. “Can I sit next to you, vod?” Hunter asks.

Brother.

Echo nods again, but Hunter still approaches slowly, like Echo’s a wounded animal about to lash out with teeth and claws. He kneels next to the bunk and puts out his hand, palm up. An offering. Echo takes it, gripping Hunter’s gloved hand so tight the fabric protests. “This is real,” Hunter murmurs. “You’re safe.”

“I’m safe,” the ARC echos softly. He sniffs. He is definitely crying. Kriff.

“This hasn’t happened in a while,” Hunter comments gently.

Echo tips his head back against the wall. “I thought I was getting better.” He glances at Hunter. “Did Omega hear anything?”

“Yeah,” Hunter admits, “she came and got me.”

Echo curses. “Hope I didn’t scare her too badly.”

“You didn’t,” Omega says from the doorway, her body pressed against the frame. “I was just worried about you.”

“I’m fine, kid,” Echo says. He releases Hunter’s hand and tries to wipe the dampness from his face again. “Just a bad dream.”

Omega smiles at him. “It’s okay if you’re not, though,” she says.

Echo blinks. Damn it. The kid was going to make him start bawling again. He returns her smile shakily but doesn’t trust himself to say anything, so he gives her a tight nod. That seems to be enough, because after another flash of a smile, she’s gone, called away by Tech in the cockpit, by design, Echo thinks distantly.

“Do you want to talk about it?” Hunter asks.

Echo shakes his head, the residual emotions of betrayal lingering in the corners of his mind. That wasn’t real, he reminds himself firmly. This is real.

“Okay, that’s fine,” Hunter says. He stands up, puts a heavy hand on Echo’s shoulder for a moment, then follows Omega out of the room, leaving Echo alone.

He focuses on the sound of the ship around him, takes a steadying breath. This is real.

END

Tag List: @isthereanechoinhere96 @followthepurrgil @amorfista @mooncommlink

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[rainbowangel110]

one fucking assignment huh.

[losthavenmine]

Whumptober 2023 Day 31 || "I thought I was getting better."

Fathers and Daughters (2015)

[jetts-angsty-page]

I miss the part where i was actually getting mentally better.

[meetinginsamarra]

Whumptober Day 31 **Prompt Orgy - I used all four!** “emptiness, I thought I was getting better, take it easy, setbacks”

After a minute, John pulled Sherlock’s hands off his face, lowering them onto the bed and intertwined their fingers. He retreated his head a bit so that he could look Sherlock into the eyes again.

“You are right. But apart from this and in order to really move on we also have to keep talking to each other. Like we did here. As in actually talk, saying what we mean and feel. I know I am shit at it and so are you but this…,” John struggled to phrase, “this emptiness for words has to stop.”

“And here I thought I was getting better at the talking thing.” Sherlock deadpanned, not altogether jokingly.

“You made a brilliant start. I’ll give you this.”

“Thanks to Ella’s advice, that is.”

“Anyhow. Let’s keep this up, shall we? Maybe avoid a lot of misunderstandings in the future?”

“So, John, what do you imagine our future would look like?”

“Bright, I hope.” John grinned. “Seriously though, I thought a lot about this when I sat waiting beside your bed.” John let go of Sherlock’s hands and pointed his thumbs at himself. “Look at me here, telling you about my feelings.” He waggled his eye brows a bit, trying to make light of the situation because deep down he was very nervous about what he intended to say.

“I want to move back into 221b. I want to live with you again. I want to bring Rosie. I want us to be family. We could renovate 221c and use it for additional living space. I want to keep working at the clinic but only part-time so that I can help you with the cases and blog about it.” John took a deep breath. “What about you?”

There, I’ve said it. What I truly want. I’ve been given another chance and this time I will make good use of it. I swear! Restart our friendship with a clean slate. And maybe, eventually, there might be more, we could become more. I think I could be more than a friend if Sherlock wants. But no need to rush this. There will be time to figure this out if we take it easy with ourselves.

Sherlock looked at John, gaping, his mouth literally hanging open while all the blood in his body rushed into his head seemingly having decided to have a surprise party in his brain.

“I, I…” Colourful stars exploded behind his eyes and an incandescent shower of joyful sparks buried Sherlock’s heart in a thick layer of blissful warmth. “Yes! Yes! John, I want this too, very much!”

Oh God, yes! Come back to me John, we can be happy together, as friends and family. It will be more than I could ever have dreamed of when I came back after the fall. Let us take it slow and maybe I can show you how I really feel about you, carefully and safely, some time in the future. Maybe then we can be more than friends. But for now, it is more than enough. Much more.

“I have an idea.” John waited for a sarcastic remark but Sherlock just listened. “Let us both take a vow. There will be setbacks, you know. With us. We’re both not good with talk about feelings. We’re both not an easy person to live with. But we already know the worst about each other. So, I promise to do my best for making this work and not stop trying.”

“Yes, me too, John. I promise to never stop making 221b our home.”

Their words kept hovering in the air between them, heavy with meaning and full of promise. Much more than mere words in fact.  Both were intensely aware of the significance what had been said and both thought that their promises had an uncanny resemblance to the marriage vow John had taken.

They hugged for long time after this, keeping each other close, unwilling to let go of this magical moment where their future together was about to start.

—

find the fic on AO3 HERE

chapter 7 "Dedication" is up (prompts 28-31)

—

Please tell me if anybody wants to get tagged or untagged (just say it, I won’t get mad).

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[sam-loves-seb]

i'd like to be my old self again (but i'm still trying to find it)

Mickey runs his hand over his mouth, staring at the closet and the arrangement of shirts and jackets that looks no more and no less organized than before. “You feelin’ okay?” Something prickles at the back of Ian’s neck. “I feel fine,” he answers, shaking it off. “Why?” “You don’t feel… off?” Ian scoffs. “Because I did the laundry and cleaned the apartment a little bit?” “No… yes?” Mickey winces. “Mickey. What the hell are you even saying?”

// post-canon: ian is feeling better, until he’s not

whumptober 2023 -- day 31

prompt: setbacks

prompt: I thought I was getting better

[ ao3 | ko-fi | etc ]

[apoeticwasteoofspace]

Do you ever just wish you could be friends with people and still do well in school and be liked by the rest of the class? I feel like I have to choose between the friends in question and my grades, both of which I care a lot about. They're always talking, which makes it hard for me and the rest of the class. They frustrate the teacher so much. They don't really care or stay focused, and just goof off. Everyone else hates us. I don't talk much, but I still get roped in with them. It's a dance class, so while they're getting sidetracked, I'm choreographing our entire part of the dance and trying to get everyone corralled and on track. They're all a grade above me, but it feels like I'm babysitting them and getting blamed for their shenenagins (I couldn't figure out how to spell it). People keep yelling at us, and whenever I try to apologize they just ignore it and continue berrating me. I've been told our dance sucked, because they're biased against us and don't like us. Later they denied they said that, and just said it wasn't clean. It's smoother than some of the other dances, apart from one person we barely know who keeps standing up at the wrong time.

But I love my friends so much. They genuinely make me happy and have helped me a lot. I just wish it wasn't like this and didn't come with a cost. They also swear a lot, which makes me uncomfortable. I worry about them so much because they're dealing with a lot and all have many, many issues. I just hate the situation. It's been a rough week and a half and I'm so done with everthing. I haven't gotten to do a lot of what I want to do because I've been so busy lately. I just need summer to come. I don't know what to do.

[deathstar-ve]

Hey guys,

I'm leaving Tumblr, at least for a couple of months, in an attempt to r3 c0 ver. I'll probably come back 20Ibs heavier crying about how I regret it, however my mental health is declining very rapidly, and 4n4 isn't making it any better so until I can get myself back in to a safe headspace, I will be leaving.

I love you all so much, and thank you all for giving me such a wonderful community to be apart of. Ilyasm! Y'all are some of the most amazing, sweetest angels I've ever met. You all were here for me when no one else was, and were the only people I could talk to about my w31ght struggles. Thx for everything, and for helping me lose 40Ibs. I hope every single one of you hit your UGW, r3c0v3r, or find whatever will bring you true inner happiness. Thx again sm. 💓💕

[doyouevermakeasound]

Whumptober Day Thirty-One: "I thought I was getting better."

TW: Panic attack

“Recovery isn’t linear.”  They wrung their hands together.  “It isn’t linear.”  The words of their therapist brought little reassurance as they rocked back and forth.  

Caretaker rubbed the lower part of their part, being carefully not to use too much body contact as it always triggered so much more panic.

“I thought I was getting better…”  

“Yeah, I thought so too.”  Caretaker muttered under their breath with the hopes that whumpee wouldn’t be able to hear it.

They did and it made things so much worse.

[thebnha-auhoard]

Yoichi Gasps. Jolting from his bed and rubbing his sweaty face. Claws catching in his hair as he schools his breathing. He snakes out of the nest like bed. Claws tapping the ground as he shakily walks to the washroom.

Glowing green eye glint in the mirror of the dark room. Claws gripping into well worn indents from similar past night. "I thought. I thought I was getting better" he mutters against the cool tiles. Old pain soaking in like that Storm hundreds of years ago.

His wings itch from under his skin. A call of Hoard. Grab Your Hoard. Growling into his mind. The cost of immortality and this damned Quirk he never needed nor wanted. Hot tears flowing down his skin. A inhuman whine exiting his throat.

Gentle cool arms wrap around him. "Daku. My Hero." Yoichi mumbles into the other chest "I'm here. I'm here my dear. Safe." Yoichi sobs. The tears soaking into the others shirt "My Hoard. It feels so empty. I miss him. I hate him. I hate what he made us"

"I know love. I know. All we can do is ignore it. We are here for you. Let it out" Daku's hands slide through Yoichis hair. Occasionally they trace around his horns. "I was getting better."

"I know. It takes time"

"it's been two hundred years."

"I know. I know." Daku whispers "and I would change it in a instant just to make you smile" he smiles as Yoichis chest rumbles in a purr "I know my Hero. You and Sanzou both" Daku laughs "Sanzou is the one to pull us out of trouble"

Yoichi Huff's. And lays his head down and sleeps. Loud purrs rumbling as Second lays him in the nest. Third looks up with half lidded eyes, the Ghoul Quirked man's tongue slipping out like a snake. "Daku?" "Sleep. He just had a bad night" "mk. Sleep too."

Entry for Both @whumptober-archive and @aimportantdragoncollector's Trioholders Week!

[puddin-dear]

Me: Haha yeah! I’m doing so much better mentally now!

The massive pit of depression waiting ahead of me: So uhm.. about that

[99point9percentwhump]

Whumptober 2023 day 31 - I thought I was getting better - Take it easy

Dark Shadows ep 678