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dastardlydandelion · 3 years ago

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So...what kind of horror movie would you write featuring the Hargrove/ Mayfield family? (That you haven't written already lol)

oh boy, u may regret asking me this bc i am indecisive af and i can’t pick just one!

two that i'm actually writing are max as (g is for) ghostface killer in the abcs of neil’s death and also the max + tory nichols werewolf movie fic outlined here. also some more misc gorror junk bc i’m a demon and esp horny for susan wearing blood splatter. but more ideas commence below:

horror movie #1: another creature feature! awhile back @lucdarling sent me an ask abt max + billy hiding smth from susan and her like, playing along, pretending she doesn't know, and one of the scenarios that popped in my head was them keeping a baby bat as a pet. max finds it and she’s only like six or seven, and she thinks it’s going to turn into a vampire. so here is that scenario except horror edition: baby bat is actually a vampire type creature. not rly a vampire like, what’s prolly popping into ur head, like an undead human like dracula or smth, but like a bat monster that sucks blood.

billy being a lil older doesn’t actually think the bat is going to turn into a vampire. he makes fun of max for believing this, but he helps her take care of it anyway bc he thinks it’s cool. susan, like in the non-horror version, knows abt the bat but plays dumb bc she’s feeling a lot of guilt abt max’s difficulty adjusting to the blended fam (as of rn tho, neil has yet to reveal his abusive nature. the red flags are not yet red, more of a brownish maroon, and he is on his best behavior almost all the time, showering susan + max with affection and keeping the swears out of his mouth when he scolds billy in front of them) and knows the lil furry baby makes her happy. she tacitly cleans up after the bat whenever the kids miss a spot (bats poop a lot, dude) and distracts neil, deterring him from discovering it whenever he gets close.

baby bat gets rly big rly fast. and the older it gets, the more it starts to look monstrous. it still has bat features but it’s just like, different. its fangs grow suspiciously long, its hooks grow suspiciously long. its feet are elongated. a dorsal ridge emerges from its spine, spikes at first just flesh but soft fur rather like peach fuzz eventually sprouting. billy catches on that smth is strange abt this animal when it's as long as his forearm after two wks and still growing. he nearly shits a brick when the bat is clinging to his sweater one day and he steps in front of a mirror and only his reflection looks back at him— no bat.

max laughs at him all like, “stupid brother, ofc there’s no reflection. nosferatu is a vampire, vampires don’t have reflections.” 😂

susan catches a glimpse of the thing when nosferatu crawls out of the home max built it in her closet the same wk billy realizes it doesn’t have a reflection, and also almost shits a brick. she doesn’t know what it is, but it’s NOT a fucking bat. not a normal one, anyway! cue a comedy scene where she’s chasing it around the house with a butterfly net and it’s always one flap *ba dum tss* ahead of her, flying just out of reach. she suddenly regrets not getting rid of it sooner, scolding herself for ever allowing her daughter to keep a wild animal.

she can’t catch it. max comes home, susan tells her she needs to get rid of it. max cries, flips her the bird, refuses. billy tho…billy has mixed feelings. he loves nosferatu but he’s worried it’s going to get dangerous. he loves his dad and his dad is dangerous too. he’s stressed out enough, always on edge, knowing that one way or the other, neil is going to hurt him again. he’s already waiting for his dad to hurt him, he doesn’t need the added stress of waiting for nosferatu to hurt him too. and while max is 100% nosferatu’s favorite, it likes billy too. billy’s been handling it since it could fit in the palm of his hand, it trusts him much more than it trusts susan and doesn’t know any different when billy takes it out of the closet when max isn’t around.

billy frees nosferatu at an abandoned farm. there are always bats flying out of the old silo adjacent to the dilapidated barn. while he knows nosferatu isn’t a *normal* bat, it’s still bat like enough that he thinks it might make friends and be happy here…

yeah, that doesn’t stick. before long, nosferatu is feasting on that colony. leeches the blood out of a couple bats nightly. the number of bats increases with nosferatu’s size. meanwhile, max mourns her missing friend. she’s sullen af and won’t speak to susan at all. she thinks susan is the one who got rid of nosferatu. billy never fesses up and susan doesn’t contradict max’s assumption bc she wants the step-siblings to get along.

neil, meanwhile, is getting more comfortable. those maroon flags are slowly but surely brightening to scarlet. he starts sabotaging susan’s plans with her friends, trying to keep her around the house more and more, quietly but steadily eroding her relationships with other people. he’s getting more visibly aggressive when he disciplines billy. he curses him out with a virulent venom that dunks susan’s stomach in ice water and scares max so badly, she runs to susan and hides behind her even though she’s still so mad that susan got rid of her beloved baby vampire.

nosferatu’s appetite surpasses what the bat colony can offer. it’s like the size of a ten yr old human child now. fucker’s big. it doesn’t just have fangs on top, but tusks on bottom. it can’t go out in the sunlight anymore, the sun sears its flesh. it misses max a lot and before, it wasn’t strong enough to fly back to her house. but now it is. it’s extremely strong, actually.

so bc it's hungry, nosferatu grabs a snack along the way. some nameless rando, it swoops down and sucks dry. nourished and much happier, nosferatu makes its way back home. patiently waits outside of max’s bedroom in the moonlight, tapping its hook against the window until she wakes up. initially max is a lil startled— nosferatu looks so different, there’s a beat before she recognizes it— him?? yk, ig it’s male, the og nosferatu was a guy. sure, why not, nosferatu is a boy now.

once she realizes who it is, she is so! happy! max opens the window and embraces her friend. she isn’t freaked out by the blood on its fangs. she’s always known nosferatu is a vampire, albeit, she was thinking he’d look more like dracula than this bat-monster-thingy.

nosferatu moves back into max’s closet. it hangs upside-down from her rod by its weird, elongated feet. we get more shots of nosferatu sucking rando ppl dry at night, tho he remains gentle with max. when max drags billy in to show her he came back, nosferatu is less friendly with him. he’s not aggressive with billy, but he is standoffish. nosferatu’s thought process is somewhere between human and animal. he doesn’t quite cognitively understand that billy took him to the farm with the intent of getting rid of him, but he does understand that the last time he clung to billy, billy left him alone and never came back. max puts two and two together, and realizes it was billy who “stole” her friend. she yells at him a lot, he yells back, she then ices him out.

billy acts out bc he’s upset. runs away, thinks he’s going to find his mom…the cops find him first and call neil. neil is rly embarrassed and pissed abt the whole thing. he breaks down and beats billy in front of the mayfields for the first time. nosferatu smells the blood and it’s time for the main event! we love dead!neil, yes, we do.

nosferatu flies out the closet and right into the living room where billy’s bleeding and teary but biting his lip so they don’t actually fall. susan’s covering max’s eyes but so shocked and tbh, FRIGHTENED, she doesn’t move a muscle beyond that. neil’s got the belt raised, preparing to bring it down again, and nosferatu smashes right into him. neil stumbles, turns back to see this freaky monster looking thing. proceeds to whip the belt at nosferatu. tries to fight him off with the belt and it doesn’t accomplish much beyond pissing him off more— nosferatu, like most classic vampire types, has a healing factor!

max rips her mom’s hands off her face in time to see her pet sink its fangs into her stepdad’s throat. nosferatu sucks neil dry. billy’s a little dazed, not quite frightened. susan is just dead ass frozen, too scared to scream, even. nosferatu crawls over to billy and nudges at him, making sure he’s in once piece and forgiving him in the same go. max darts over and that snaps susan out of her stupor, but she isn’t as fast as our blood-sucking bat monster.

nosferatu stretches his wings out and with a truly impressive wingspan, hugs both of the kids. <3

horror movie #2: a haunting! this one opens with a bang. it’s a tragic horror, beware. we’re in hawkins post s3. billy died at starcourt mall. neil’s obvi had a longstanding abusive mindset and abusive behavior, but he rly takes his grief out on susan and max. mostly susan. she does her best to protect max however she can, whether that means shielding her w her body, sending her out of the house, getting neil’s goat to inspire his ire in max’s place, etc. but sue simply isn’t around all the time and when she isn’t, but max is, well. yk.

one day neil comes home early (bc he lost his job for a violent outburst, tbh) and discovers susan packing a suitcase.

sue fights hard. she rly does. but neil is bigger, heavier, crueler, and to boot, he caught her completely unawares. he kills her. and no, no it’s not some accidental thing where neil makes one bad move rage-blind. he strangles her with his belt. she’s clawing at his arms and making these horrible choked, trapped animal noises. thrashes and twists her body with everything she has trying to get him off but he’s so strong, his grip is unrelenting, and she's growing weaker, lightheaded with the lack of oxygen. strangulation can induce incontinence and when susan blacks out, her piss streams to the hardwood— neil hears that as much as he felt the clawing and heard the noises, even now he could stop, but he doesn’t. he just. doesn’t think his wife has the right to leave him, esp not after his son just did.

neil burns the body and the suitcase in the woods while max is at school. max has been spending as much time as she can (and often with sue’s prompting) outside of the house, so it actually takes her about two days to realize her mother isn’t around. neil tells a pretty convincing story about how susan abandoned them, voice saturated with apology and sorrow. he takes her out for a fancy dinner and promises he’s going to be a better father-- that being a better father is the least he can do now that her mother abandoned her and they are alone in their grief.

max doesn’t know what to think. she’s been preoccupied with her own grief and pain. she finds it hard to believe her mother would just leave her to neil’s wrath. she has a lot of hangups with susan and anger toward her for marrying neil and not getting them out sooner, but she’s also old enough to realize there would be risks involved with that. it’s hard to reconcile the memory of her mother just last wk pinning max to the wall to protect her from neil’s blows with her own bod just abruptly taking off without a word in the middle of the night. but hey, maybe that’s why susan left. maybe she got sick of protecting her, maybe the pain got to be too much and she turned tail.

but also…it’s early october now, abt three months after billy’s death but still fairly warm outside. yet neil is wearing long sleeves. neil never used to button his collared shirts all the way up, and yet. every collar is buttoned. also, mom’s car is still here. why would mom leave without her car?

that ceramic pelican she loved so much is still here too, on the mantle in the living room. it doesn’t seem like the kind of thing she would leave behind, she's had it since max was a baby.

max almost wants to believe neil because she’d rather her mother abandoned her than be dead somewhere, rotting in a storage locker or a hole in the ground. under the earth with the worms, just like billy. max has the worst feeling low in the pit of her gut. she thinks she knows the truth. she thinks abt going to hopper and hesitates bc she’s not sure she could handle it if he actually found smth. or what would happen to her if he did, where she would be sent, who she would end up with.

this movie would be more on the ambiguous end of things. an arthouse horror, if u will.

the days turn into wks and neil is crawling in his skin. the viewer isn’t sure if the shadows he’s seeing, always, always susan-shaped shadows, are of a ghostly nature or if he’s just hallucinating out of guilt. but the signs gradually point to the former— that smth paranormal is indeed going on. bc those scratches and bite marks susan left in his skin?

they do not heal. they do not get infected. they do not become necrotic. but they do not heal, either. days turn into wks and the wounds still look fresh, like she just left them moments ago. neil can’t wear light colors anymore because his wounds weep red into the fabric. he isn’t just seeing susan’s shadows either, he’s smelling her.

he washes his sheets and pillowcases a dozen times and the scent of her shampoo, her lotion, it’s like it’s woven into the fibers. he walks into the hallway and chokes on the aroma of susan’s perfume. he wonders if max is screwing with him, if max figured it out and she’s trying to torture him into a confession. one day he stomps off to max's bedroom, furious, adamant on confronting her. he grabs her doorknob, prepared to yank it open and then lets out a yelp, jerking his hand back with a sudden sharp pain.

it feels like a bee sting (which would be esp bad for this fucker in anything i write, bc i headcanon him as being allergic). but there’s no stinger. no injury. nothing. neil is freaked out enough that he backs down.

max, on the other hand, is getting gentler signs. when she turns the radio dial in the camaro, it’s somehow always her mom’s favorite songs that come thru the speakers. when she goes to pull clothes out of her drawers in the morning, she discovers that the things she’d just shoved inside in wrinkled balls are perfectly folded, neat as a pin, exactly like how susan always folded. susan was always fond of cardinals and suddenly max is seeing cardinals, pretty red cardinals, in just abt erry tree and shrub.

neil wakes up one night to his wife’s voice whispering “boo” right in his ear. he throws the covers off and discovers ashes in the bed. he doesn’t smell susan’s shampoo or lotion anymore, he smells the kerosine he’d poured all over her body.

his wounds still won’t heal. whenever he looks in the mirror, he catches a glimpse of susan walking past behind him, peering at him from her peripheral. he whips around, heart hammering, but there’s never any tangible person there.

max is almost certain her mother is dead at this point. neil’s been so bizarrely nice to her lately. she never believed in ghosts but her experiences with the upside-down broadened her perception of reality. she doesn’t know how else to explain the songs, the cardinals, the folded clothes. the way that these days, whenever she does feel fear toward neil, it just fades away. her fear melts like popsicles in the sun, immediately replaced by the sensation of a warm, maternal hug, as if arms she can’t see are trying to reassure her she truly doesn’t need to be afraid of him anymore.

in fact, max feels so unafraid of neil and brave, that one night she calls him out on it. he’s grizzled and unshaven in his recliner, beer in hand. she steps in front of the television he’s vacantly fixated on and folds her arms across her chest.

“you killed my mom, didn’t you?”

quick as a flash, neil leaps to his feet. he brings his arm back like he’s going to strike her and susan’s ceramic pelican on the mantle explodes into shards. the lights flicker, the television program cuts to snow with a static roar. every other knickknack on the mantle rattles and framed photos tumble off the wall.

neil very wisely lowers his hand. he slumps, boneless. he doesn’t say a word. max sees the answer in his eyes. it’s the dead of night and she snatches the camaro keys off the hook, marching out of the house, slamming the door behind her. it’s the dead of night and she doesn’t care. she’s going to blow past every stop sign and pound on the chief’s door until he opens up. and fuck, i just realized if this is post s3 he’s supposed to be in russia. shit. i don’t watch this show, but i know abt russia bc i DID watch the clips of that demogorgon that i rly hope isn’t stuck in captivity!! okay, but let’s pretend that didn’t happen?

it’s an au?? i mean, errything i write is always technically an au anyway, bc when i write stuff susan has an actual personality and billy isn’t *completely* abhorrent. okay, so it’s an au and mr. hopper didn’t blow up and un-blow up in russia. he’s still here. so max drives to his house.

she pounds on the door so hard this guy snaps outta bed, thinking someone’s trying to bust it down. she tells him neil confessed to killing her mom. it isn’t true, exactly, but he didn’t have to. so it’s a helluva grim drive back to cherry lane, this time in the cop car.

but when they go inside, chief prepared to arrest neil, no need. neil’s hanging from the belt he strangled susan with, shirtless for the first time since that night, erry seemingly fresh furrow and bite mark on full display. below his dangling feet is a map, the area he burned susan’s corpse in circled in red marker. did he kill himself or did the ghost do it?

up to u, we soundlessly cut to credits without a concrete answer to that question.

horror movie #3: crossover special! stranger things meets the chilling adventures of sabrina. sequel to that fic i wrote where susan makes out with lilith, queen of hell, and lilith kills neil for her. sue officially joins the church of lilith. bc in this ‘verse the church of lilith actually happens after caos s2 instead of the nonsense that was s3 and the inconceivably godawful migraine-inducing shit-fest that was s4.

killing neil was lilith’s only freebee. susan isn’t a witch, she’s a mortal, so in order to reap the other rewards of worshipping the one and only mother of demons, she has to fornicate with the witches and participate in the sacrifices!!!

this is, uh, well. it’s p much a porno, dude, sorry. 😅

this is just an excuse for susan to have sex with lilith, zelda, marie, hilda, big witch orgies + susan. witches bathing in the blood of their sacrifices, susan so nervous and timid but unable to deny her desire. the witch’s dressing her in their gothic garb.

how does the rest of the fam get it on this?

max joins the church too. she has more age-appropriate conduct with sabrina and the weird sisters, and what have you. just smooches and over-the-clothes groping, and whatnot, even tho the weird sisters, at least, would be interested in going further if given the opportunity.

billy dies in starcourt again, so he gets revived in the cain pit! hilda is the one who goes to him after bc she’s been in the cain pit many a time (i am still BIG side-eyeing zelda for repeatedly murdering her sister since childhood). hilda understands how jarring it can be to come back. suddenly alive!billy is freaking tf out but she brings him inside the mortuary, wraps him up in a big blanket burrito and they have a talk. hilda explains that he’s going to be okay and rubs his back while he tentatively sips the hot chocolate she made.

after billy’s calmed down, she brings max and susan in. max and susan can’t do as much magic as the caos witches— they’re mortals, after all, it’s not in their nature —but they’ve gained some abilities thru being in the church, following the rituals, and being carnally involved with the immortal witches. max happily shows him some of her new magic tricks.

horror movie #4: another crossover with caos. heavily inspired by creepshow episode s2e1, model kid (which i already v blatantly referenced in the last axe snafu update and i’m not ashamed, bc it’s a good series i love v much).

billy picks max up from the byers’ place rly late one night. it’s dark and the weather is bad and okay, yeh, he might be a little high. and a little concussed. he pissed neil off pretty bad the other day and okay, actually he’s defo concussed bc he doesn’t even remember what he did wrong!

needless to say, they take a wrong turn somewhere. they end up in greendale. at first max is pissed. she yells at him a lot! yells so loud hilda can hear them thru the walls of dr. cerberus’s comic shop/diner. she goes outside to see what all the fuss is abt, hilda never rly ignores youth in need. we love hilda, she deserved so much better…i’m getting distracted, okay, back to the story.

hilda ushers them inside. max is like, “ooh, comics? horror junk and comics? nvm, i’m not mad anymore.” she pats billy’s arm and wanders away to go check stuff out! hilda makes billy sit down. caos canon established that she’s psychic, at least when she wants to be. she smells the weed but she also sees his life, his trauma. billy doesn’t remember what he did to piss neil off or the abuse that followed, but hilda sees it clear as day.

he’s rude and cranky w her when she probes a little too much for his liking. hilda gently but firmly reprimands him and gets him a milkshake on this house. then she goes to check on max. she steers max to a v particular section of the shop, the one that sells model kits. now, max isn’t *huge* into model kits BUT they are p neat and she enjoys them well enough. more so when the weather is nasty and she can’t go outside. or when she needs smth to do with her hands (a trait she shares w susan) to distract herself and ease some of the anxiety when she hears her brother being beaten or her mother being shouted at.

max is actually rly impressed by the array of models. vintage ones and newer ones. monsters, slashers, final girls, tiny accessories like knives and bloodied heads. but when she gets to the paint-your-own shelf, her jaw drops to the floor.

there’s one that looks just like neil. unpainted, plain gray vinyl, but undoubtedly her stepdad. the expression on the five inch figurine is one frozen in fear.

“i think that one’s calling to you,” hilda prompts her, with the softest smile.

max blinks away her bewilderment altho she still can’t speak. she turns to hilda and turns her empty pockets inside out. hilda just waves her hand. she tells her it’s on the house. that it wouldn’t be fair if she gave billy smth on the house, but not max.

speaking of billy, when he finishes his milkshake, he’s suddenly totally sober and healed!! no more high buzzing in his blood. no more pounding headache or concussion fogging his mind. he doesn’t feel his bruises anymore, rolls his sleeve up, and realizes they simply aren’t there anymore. like they dissolved off his skin.

albeit it’s muttered under his breath, but billy does thank hilda. then he and max are on their way. max shows him the suspiciously familiar figurine in the box. this night cannot get weirder.

max knows what to do with the model kit. she does. she isn’t sure how she knows, but she does. she grapples with it for a long time. neil’s the closest thing she has to a dad these days. and things aren’t bad all the time, ofc.

sometimes neil gives max a ride when mom and billy aren’t available. sometimes he brings her ice cream entirely unprompted. neil’s the one who picks max up off the sidewalk when she wipes out super bad on her skateboard, carries her inside and then later to the car when her cut doesn’t stop bleeding and she ends up needing stitches.

but most of the time he sucks. she can’t rly be herself around him. he's indifferent to her interest at best, scornful at worst. he would hate all her friends. he scares the shit out of her when he’s angry. he doesn’t have a problem belittling her mother in front of her, tearing susan to shreds and making her out like she’s lower than dirt, the most worthless person on the planet. doesn’t have a problem beating billy in front of her or glaring at her with the promise that she’ll be next if she dares to voice her dissent.

max doesn’t always want to do what she knows she’s meant to do with the model. bc she's kind at heart and bc on the good days, she genuinely does have mixed feelings toward neil. never enough to hope he'll be better, he's proven he won't...but maybe enough to hope he won't get worse, either.

then comes the night neil breaks ribs. bad, like we’re talking, a-sharp-spear-of-broken-rib-punctures-billy’s-lung-and-he’s-coughing-up-blood-bad. that’s a trip to the emergency room. in the days that follow, at her next dnd meeting w the party, max places the fully and attentively painted model of her stepdad on the table. normally her pals would protest her derailing the intended game, but they can sense it, yk, that smth is different.

max takes over as dungeon master to the protest of no one, all other mouths sealed as if bewitched and spellbound. she narrators a scene where the demogorgon devours neil and uses the demogorgon piece and the model for demonstration.

when max returns home, neil is strewn across the house in gory chunks and torn wallpaper curls around massive claw marks.

#writerwhowritesao3 #susan hargrove #max mayfield #billy hargrove #neil hargrove #crossover #hilda spellman #my scenario tag #i may have gotten carried away #my bad #it's october!#i'm in big horror mode

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mystic-sanctuary · 4 years ago

Text

A (Hopefully) Helpful Guide to Syskids

A very quick disclaimer here: This is based on my own experiences as a Caretaker with the kids we have had and currently have within our own system. Some of, or even many of these things may not hold true for other systems.

Written by; Bronya (Admin, Archivist, Caretaker)

[GUIDE BELOW THE CUT.] [WARNING: VERY VERY LONG.]

Topics covered below;

Some Miscellaneous Basics

Getting to know your SysKid

Caring for your SysKid

Caring for your SysKid - Headspace Specifics

Navigating SysKids and Trauma

Okay, with that out of the way! Dealing with SysKids can be challenging, just like dealing with outside children, though with a few extra challenges because these children are in a system and that can make just about anything challenging at times!

Each SysKid can bring their own unique challenges, so there's no real "every SysKid can be handled like [x]" type situation here. The very first step to learning how to care for your SysKid(s), however, is to get to know them!

Their interests, their dislikes, and for lack of better phrasing, their maturity level. Do not expect your SysKids to always be 100% like their age group. Remember, they have a much older brain now, so for example, your 4 year old SysKid may have a wider understanding of things than, say, a bodily 4 year old might. That doesn't mean they won't still react to those things like a 4 year old would, though! Another 4 year old SysKid, however, may be a lot more similar to a bodily 4 year old. There's no way to tell for sure until you interact with and get to know them!

Our system is both Polyfragmented and Gateway, which means I have seen many SysKids come and go, and we currently have quite a few as well!

Some of them behave more like their age group than others, some seem to fluctuate between an age group (for example, one of them is in the 4-6 range). Some SysKids are nonverbal or some form of altverbal.

Unless otherwise specified by your SysKid, it's absolutely okay to treat your SysKid like an outside kid- as long as you aren't rude or patronizing about it. Yes, I know, "why would I be that way to a kid", but unfortunately I've seen this happen.

Syskids also have their own various boundaries and capabilities. We have a few SysKids who are able and allowed to front alone, provided we are at home.

This isn't plausible for everybody, of course, due to various personal situations the system may have at home, and not all SysKids are able to front on their own anyway.

There are also systems who cannot control their switches which can lead to a SysKid in front alone, and to all of you, you are not a bad person for ""letting this happen"", it isn't your fault if you can't control your switches. Tips for you& include leaving notes for your SysKid if need be (we have a personal discord server we often use for this, for example, which has exclusively us in it), or letting close, trusted friends know about the SysKid in advance so they can help if they're able and needed.

In the case of the two SysKids we allow to front on their own, we know they are responsible/"mature" enough to follow the rules we've set for them without needing to be reminded/regularly enforced/etc.

These rules are pretty basic and by large focused entirely upon their safety: Who they can and can't talk to, discord servers they can and can't talk in, websites we know are safe for them vs websites we aren't sure about or know have inappropriate ads on them that occasionally manage to worm their way past our adblockers.

We also make sure they know, at all times, SysMates they can pull to front or call for help when or if they need it. For us, this includes myself, the Protectors, and a few others who are either Caretakers or have good parental or caretaker-y inclinations. This is something that, while they've both teasingly told us we don't have to keep reminding them of, we often keep reminding them of before or while they front.

"So, how do I get to know my SysKid(s)?"

Find out what they're interested in and spend time with them! Spending time with SysKids is very important, in my experiences. This may include playing with them in headspace, depending on your systems headspace situation, or even watching movies with them while fronting together!

Some SysKids may be shy- they may open up more as they get comfortable around you, but they also might not! If your SysKid is shy, you may need to approach them with more caution and gentleness than other SysKids might require. Some SysKids may not adjust as quickly as others to their new surroundings, either.

Think of... Getting a new pet, for example. They don't know you, your home is new to them, and that can scare them. You have to get them to warm up to you slowly; no rushed movements and soft attempts to initiate play times, etc.

Running with this same analogy, some new pets don't have a problem with any of that, and are in fact just excited to see all their new surroundings and meet all the new people around them!

SysKids have as much variation! For explanation on why I went with this analogy, I know a lot of folks do not have experience with children outside of Systems, for any number of reasons (not having younger siblings, never babysitting for others, etc.) and getting a new SysKid can be just as unique and even as challenging an experience as getting a new pet!

"How can I care for my SysKid?"

One SysKid can have a different set of needs than another, so the answer to this question can vary quite heavily. However, a few examples I can give are:

1. Spending time with them! This can range from coloring together to watching a movie with them! If you live with another system who has SysKids or live with somebody who is comfortable interacting with SysKids, you could even arrange playdates with them.

2. Giving them snacks or treats while they're in front, or even in headspace if your headspace functionality allows for this. Everybody's headspace is different, and some don't have a headspace at all, so this may not be possible outside of front and that's okay!

3. Like the above, depending on your systems headspace situation, this one may not be possible outside of front. However, this one also depends on your SysKid! Some SysKids can get grumpy after a little while without sleep. If you have multiple SysKids, this can get a bit challenging because you'll be trying to arrange multiple naps at once- not everybody is going to want to lay down at the same time.

4. Depending on your systems communication and the verbality of your SysKid (we have a kid who can only say one word, for example), you can also ask your Kiddo what they need or would like to do.

Obviously with this one, you may have to use your own judgement. We've all been kids at one time or another, and SysKids are often no exception to the "wanting to do things they see 'big kids' doing" mindset.

And of course, as with any SysMate, do not force your SysKid out of their comfort zone. This can be damaging to any SysMate (and your relationship with them), so of course it can be just as much if not more so with SysKids. If it's a situation where it's something the body needs that the SysKid is uncomfortable doing and your fronting situation allows you to: do it yourself or have another SysMate do it unless your SysKid has expressed wanting to become more comfortable with whatever it is.

For example, several of our SysKids are uncomfortable with things like going to the bathroom! That can seem like a weird, simple thing they "should be able to do", but keep in mind they are a child and your body isn't. That's a big difference! We are typically able to do fairly fluid switches, so we are able to switch the SysKid out of the "Main Seat" so to speak to do this for them, or "with" them if they've said they want to be more comfortable with it.

"What about in headspace? Do I need to watch them all the time? When should I check on them? Etc."

For me personally, I'm usually with most of our SysKids a good portion of the time. Of course, some of them have other SysMates they'd rather be with most of the time or spend time with sometimes, and that's okay too!

We usually try to keep an older SysMate with all our SysKids, but depending on your headspace, this might not be absolutely necessary.

For us, our headspace is not only incredibly large (an entire world in it's own right, at this point), but dangerous. Even a lot of older SysMates use the buddy system when traveling outside the main city just in case they run into more dangers at once than expected.

If your headspace is safe enough for your SysKid to be alone, it's still a good idea to check in on them! How often you should check on them probably depends on your SysKid's age and how they behave! For example, particularly chaotic SysKids may need to be checked in on more than SysKids who aren't quite so chaotic, just to make sure they aren't getting themselves into any trouble.

If your SysKid is usually fairly loud and there's a period of silence, that'd be a good time to check on them! If your SysKid is usually pretty quiet, you may need to use your own judgement for when to check on them! For example, you might be anxious about leaving them alone if they're pretty quiet, so maybe you'll feel more comfortable checking on them every 5-10 minutes or so.

And of course, if you hear them getting angry or crying, etc. that would definitely be a good time to check on them! Chances are they tripped while playing, can't get a toy to do what they want it to/can't figure out how to get it to do what they want to, or even messed up something they were drawing or coloring.

Personally, when I'm leaving our SysKids momentarily unsupervised for any number of reasons, I check on them anywhere from every 5-15 minutes, varying depending on amount of noise they're making and what kind of noises they're making, but it's important to keep in mind that I'm watching several SysKids at any given time!

To help myself stay organized, and because we have an entire city so this was a plausible option for me, I run a sort of kindergarten-daycare type thing within headspace! All our SysKids have an older SysMate they live with, and not all of them need or are interested in keeping up with any sort of solid education within headspace, so it more or less functions as both!

It's also possible your SysKid might not want to be left alone at all, maybe just at first while they adjust or even indefinitely, and that's okay too! A lot of kids don't like being left by themselves. In this situation, having them hang around another SysMate they like would be a good idea if you aren't sure who to put your SysKid with in this case.

In any case, if you are checking in on your SysKid, it's important to remember that you're not just making sure they're okay! Seeing you check in on them, whether you say this or not, reminds them that you're there for them and to help them/to care for them.

It's also important to remember that your SysKid might try to convince you to sit and color or play with them for a while during one of these check-ins! If you have the time to sit with them for even just a few minutes, I recommend it! It might not seem like much, but in my experience it often means a lot to them and can strengthen your bond with them.

"How do I navigate SysKids and Trauma?"

This can be challenging. Whether it's your systems own traumas, the SysKid getting stuck in front with somebody in a bad state of mind (it happens! front can be finnicky and disagreeable at times, even for those of us who can usually control their switches), your SysKid having ExoTraumas of their own, or even your SysKid being a Trauma Holder!

An important thing to remember in these situations is that, despite the trauma, your SysKid is still a kid! They may not fully understand the trauma they're experiencing (or witnessing). It can be hard to explain things to them if they're asking about it, and you may not even feel comfortable explaining it to them. In this case, it's absolutely okay to try and boil it down in a way a kid might understand- like adults often try to do with bodily kids.

Obviously, Trauma can be likely to stress your SysKid out pretty heavily. Like with older SysMates, coping skills will be helpful for them. Because this is a kid, these coping skills may be pretty different. It can include giving them their comfort item if they have one (for example, a favorite blanket or doll), playing their favorite movie and watching it with them, holding them while they're scared or upset, and comforting them (I usually go with soft "shh" noises and "it's okay", while reminding them that I'm here for them and they aren't alone. Also, just listening to them the same way you would a friend! They may not make as much sense in some cases, but they appreciate having an ear just as much!)

In the case of systems with trauma, avoiding putting your SysKid in situations you know triggers the rest of you because of that trauma as best you can is a good idea!

For a personal example, due to one of our own traumas, we are very Hydrophobic. Things like Showers and Baths are nearly impossible for us most days, and we never get out of them without anxiety attacks or bad dissociation. So even the SysKids who have said they "don't mind" taking a shower or bath through the body do not get to do this.

Some days we have a hard time even drinking water, so on those days we either make sure whatever we're drinking isn't water when the SysKid/s front, or we don't let them front that day.

Again, we are usually fairly in control of our switches, so this works for us, but things may be more complicated to navigate for other systems depending on the nature of their trauma/s and fronting capabilities.

Since that is not our situation, I will not try to make assumptions for how you can navigate your situation if this is how things are for you- given more information, I could certainly try to give you advice, however this is a random tumblr post, and I almost definitely do not know most of those reading this!

Ending notes!

For now this is all I really have, though I can always edit or reblog with more at a later date if need be! If you read this far and have any questions or comments, you're welcome to leave a message on this post, send us a DM, or drop an ask in our inbox! We have Anon turned on as well, for anybody who gets anxious about asks that are off-anon, etc.

#plurality #systemhood #syskids #system kids #plural guide #plurality guide #system guide #long post #endo friendly #endogenic friendly #plural advice #advice #system advice #syskid advice

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gossip-girl-of-middleearth · 3 years ago

Note

Hello! I hope this doesn’t make you uncomfy but I was wondering if I could get a bit of advice? From your recent posts, you said you left your home from toxicity and just bad things in general.

I’m in a similar situation, but my dad will be taking me away from my mom. And I just know it’ll be a shit show. And I’m absolutely terrified when we tell her and what the backlash will be afterwards towards my brothers and me and dad in general

How did you do it? How did you take the leap? Do you possibly have any advice on how to deal ?

Hello, friend!! ☀️

Thank you so much for reaching out, it means a lot that you value my advice <3

Hmm, okay from what I can tell of your situation, that is indeed a tricky one, but nothing can’t be overcome!

It’s important to remember, though, I was 19 when I left (now 20), so the way I handled things is going to be a lot different than how a minor can handle things (legally at least, feel free to replicate my insane stunts lmao)

Advice below the cut! (family violence trigger warning, I suppose?)

My entire family was and is extremely volatile, and I don’t speak to any of them anymore except for my older brother, but I’ll be cutting him off in 3 weeks too when I move.

Fortunately, my dad and brother were both kicked out of the house years ago due to violence, which left me with my mother, who’s quite insidious herself (just watch any Conjuring movie and that’ll give a good idea of what it was like living in that house lol)

I get the same feeling watching this scene as when I was around her in that house. Granted she didn’t try to change my gender, but the hatred for my father getting taken out on me is pretty accurate lol, paired with the immediate “motherly love” afterwards (she never hit me though, pleased to say — she wasn’t physically violent, just emotionally, financially, mentally and verbally. She did try to run my dad over once though, so, there’s that too)

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Yikes…yeahh the same eerie feeling for sure, still makes all my hairs stand upright in memory.

(For further context this clip reminds me of my father and this one of my brother)

In the clip about my father, he definitely reminds me of Frank Gallagher, except he despises my mother instead of revering her. He’s a workaholic instead of a drug addict, too. But the mannerisms are the same. I always handled him in the way Fiona does.

Regarding my brother, I think everything about our family hit him the hardest, despite being the oldest. He developed a very violent streak, and has very poor impulse control. I love him dearly but he’s a snake in the grass, and has thrown me under the bus multiple times to get ahead in life. I mostly just pity him, since I know what our life was like growing up. But still, I can’t defend him forever, especially not at the cost of myself. Literally yesterday I woke up to a text from him asking me to come pick him up because he got arrested for starting a fight at a bar and smashing their windows.

When things started getting pretty bad with my mother earlier this year, I started to realise in my heart that there was no way I could go forth in life with her in it. I focused on the future relationships I would have one day when far away from this town — romantic partner, children, friends etc

I sort of realised one day I’d care about them a lot more than I care about my mother, because those future people would care about me. That in turn got me realising that I do deserve love, despite how my mother made me feel, and that I don’t want her to deprive another second of that in my life.

Something very unique that triggered this too was going to go visit an old family psychic, who’s basically just the Gandalf to my Frodo (ily, Chris <3). He very accurately predicted my birth years ago after my mother was told she was infertile — he got the date, year and time right three years in advance, and even knew ahead of time what my personality would be like, which he was spot-on about.

Well, I went and visited him a few months ago because I was lost with my direction, and he ended up pausing and had a sudden feeling, which led to him telling me that he’d just found out I would be having twin boys one day.

Normally I don’t buy into that stuff, but this Gandalf dude…well I knew he was right.

Knowing I’d have sons of my own one day took me from a scared daughter mindset and into a maternal mother bear in an instant, and I knew I didn’t want any children of mine around my mother or the rest of my family, for their safety alone, which made me realise, “Well, if I wouldn’t allow my own children near them, why do I allow myself?”

I started grey-rocking her in the lead-up to me leaving, which of course frustrated her (she’s a malignant narcissist), but it was a necessary step to start emotionally detaching myself from her.

It all bottled over one night after a pretty distressing argument (I had locked myself in my room to avoid it, but she was still at my door carrying on).

My cat, who’s been my best friend for years, was sitting on the floor next to me, and sort of looked up and I swear he spoke with his eyes, saying, “You know we can’t keep doing this, right? You know this abuse has an expiry date?”

I agreed with my cat and knew right then and there that I’d be leaving that night after my mother fell asleep.

Well, when she was finally done (with threats that there’d be more in stock in the morning, mind you) I went to bed early and set my alarm to 3am (was a little inside joke with myself, since that’s biblically the “witching devil hour”)

I started quietly packing my quilt and cat up (I’d already been secretly packing the boot of my car up with all sentimental and important items weeks in advance, except she caught on and took all my baby albums and more to her boyfriend’s house, so I don’t have any baby photos or information on me when I was a baby anymore, like first words, size and just general things I’d have liked to compare to my own kids one day, rip)

Once that was all in my car, I quietly said goodbye to the old family dog and cat (they weren’t mine to take, not that I could’ve anyways, since it was troubling enough taking Buddy, who’s actually my pet and not the family one). That was pretty heartbreaking, as I knew that’d be the last time I’d see them (I grew up with them and was the only one who took care of them — mother neglects kids and pets alike lmao).

Once that was over, I looked around my house with my hand on the front door and was very melancholy, but knew Buddy was right: it had all reached its expiry date.

I left very quietly and drove to McDonalds for a coffee, as I had a long drive ahead (I had organised to be a nanny in this rich family’s house far away in the city — two hours drive). Luckily they were away on their country farm 4 hours away, so I had time to sneak Buddy in.

The nanny thing recently backfired horribly because they discovered Buddy, which led to more AM escapes with my car, but I’m staying with my older brother and his gf for 3 more weeks only. Something I’ve been working towards for months now is moving to a wilderness island to live in my country’s equivalent of Bag End — a beautiful country cottage, amazing job and fantastic study opportunities.

Best feature yet: it’s 60 hours away from my hometown by car, and then you’d have to take a boat for 10 more hours!! They shall never find me hahaha

One of my friends has also told me recently that my mother has started spreading horrible, defamatory rumours about me around town, but I don’t care anymore because I’m almost out.

So, although I can’t offer any practical advice (idk if you’re a minor or not, but regardless it’s great your dad is helping you!) this is the best advice I can offer:

Find a dream and hold onto it, one that doesn’t involve your immediate family. For me it’s moving to that island and enjoying all the fresh air. It’ll push you forwards and remind you of what you’re fighting for when at your lowest.

Remind yourself there will be other people in your life, whether a spouse, friends, children or even a dog! (I’m getting a golden retriever next year 🐾) And then remember that you deserve all of them and the unconditional love they offer you.

Remember that if you don’t want your mother/family screwing those people over by proxy of her/their relationship to you, then there’s no way in hell you alone should put up with it either, as I guarantee those future people only want good things for you ☀️

There is a good life after abuse, I’ve seen it, and I know you can achieve it, too!

Be prepared for tons of backlash and bullshit — it’s inescapable when dealing with people like this, but I recommend educating yourself on narcissistic parents and tactics to deal with them.

Finding a good therapist who deals in PTSD regarding childhood abuse is important, too. I found an amazing one in the town I’m moving to, who had nearly the same upbringing as me!

So while I’m still struggling with a lot of fear (scared my mother will find where I’m working and living one day) and guilt (I feel horrible about leaving the family dog and cat behind, especially when they need veterinary help, only to then go and get myself another puppy) I understand I’ve done the best I can in a very abnormal situation, and that I can only do better from here.

Also, this song has been a saving grace when going all angsty over wanting to leave your current situation:

It’s from my favourite Broadway Musical, “Newsies”, and lemme tell you — discovering this as a 17-year-old when I was just starting to realise the severity of my situation was pure divinity.

Jeremy Jordan, my beloved Broadway Bard <3

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When I finally get my cottage, I’m getting a wooden plaque with the name “Santa Fe” engraved on it, and am hanging it on my front door.

I wish you much luck and love, my little anonymous friend! And please know my inbox is open any time you need anything — vent, advice, a laugh or something else, ANYTHING, it feels good to know my past can maybe help someone else’s present ☀️

Please update me, too! I’m following your story along ardently now! (Also, be sure to take your sentimental items and store them somewhere safe away from your mother — ie baby albums, birth certificates, other paraphernalia/memorabilia etc).

Now, if you’ll excuse me, I must hit the road. DESTINY AWAITS!

#ahh yes #Newsies my beloved <3 #and bless my family Gandalf #I’m gonna send him a gift next year from the small country town I’m moving to for his birthday as a thanks #also I’m torn between naming the golden retriever ‘Jaskier/Dandelion’ or ‘Glorfindel/Glorfy’ now #so happy that’ll soon be my only dilemma in life <33

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kimjongdaely · 4 years ago

Text

Eternal [Chapter 9]

Vampire!AU

Pairing: Baekhyun x Reader

Warnings: Language, violence, abuse, sexual situations, abortion, mention of suicide

Summary: You’re not sure how to deal with your current situation. Your owner, Byun Baekhyun, isn’t helping with the stress. But what happens when you find a risky solution that might just solve all your problems?

Prologue [M]│Chapter 1│Chapter 2│Chapter 3│Chapter 4│Chapter 5│ Chapter 6│Chapter 7│Chapter 8│Chapter 9│Chapter 10│Chapter 11 │Chapter 12│Chapter 13

You can’t tell if things have gotten better or worse.

It’s mostly just suffocatingly quiet. The kind of quiet that makes you go insane. You haven’t spoken to Baekhyun in a while. You’re not sure how long; you’ve lost track.

Every day feels the same. You get sick most of the time and it’s hard to keep any food down. Yixing is really worried. He tries his best to monitor your condition and get you to eat, but every time you smell food you just want to vomit again.

Your stomach has gotten a lot bigger. Having the baby bump finally show makes it all the more concrete and real, and you need that constant reminder.

A reminder that you’re not a total screwup. That at least you’re doing something right.

But you’re getting too thin and the baby needs to eat more than you do. You have yet to find something to eat that won’t make you sick. The girls have tried everything they could think of, all types of food from all over the world. Nothing seems to help. You’re beginning to think it’s more about your mindset than actually being unable to keep anything down. You’re so upset over Baekhyun that it’s affecting your health.

No, no you can’t let that hinder you. You have to do it for the baby.

Curled up on your bed, you clutch at your stomach, feeling the baby bump and tears fill your eyes. What should you do? What if you miscarry? You don’t think you can handle it if your baby dies. You’ll surely follow immediately after, regardless of what Baekhyun does. This child is everything you wanted, proof of your existence, no matter how small it is. It’s your family, the only thing connected to you by blood.

Please live. It doesn’t matter if you have to die to bring it into this world. As long as it lives, nothing matters.

And that’s the mindset you try to sustain. You forced food down, taking small bites at a time and several deep breaths, hoping it doesn’t come back up. You take it easy, getting lots of rest and spend your time reading books. You chat a lot more with the girls and ask Yixing for advice constantly.

You have to make the change. You can’t keep wallowing in sorrow forever. For the baby.

You must live as well.

Just until your child is brought to the world.

A few more days and Emerald approaches you. You didn’t want to see her, have done very well avoiding her, but you know you have to do this. You can’t keep avoiding her forever.

“Hi.” She greets.

“Hi.”

She sits down beside you on the couch, looking sheepish and fiddling with her hands. You sigh, setting your book down. “Did you want something?”

“I wanted to apologize.” She said, eyes downcast. “I know you don’t really like me being here, so—”

“Don’t.”

“Excuse me?” She looks surprised.

“Don’t.” You repeat, snapping. “You and I both know it’s not your fault. If it’s anyone’s fault, it’s mine for getting pregnant.”

She blinks, shocked. “That’s not what I—”

“Yes, I know.” You rise, a bout of anger rising in you. “Baekhyun needs you. He’ll die if he doesn’t feed and I...” Tears well up and it’s hard to control yourself, your voice cracking, “I can’t help him. It’s not your fault. It’s mine.”

You leave her flabbergasted in the living room as you stomp up to your room, sniffing and trying hard not to break down, again. Your emotions are everywhere and you berate yourself for blowing up. You could’ve handled it so much better, should’ve smiled and said ‘it’s fine’ and the two of you can go off on your merry way. You just have to ruin everything.

There’s a knock at your door. “Thorn, we need to talk.”

Oh, great. What perfect timing Baekhyn has. You’re not sure you’re emotionally well enough for this conversation.

You still open the door, letting him inside. He has the right to be angry and upset. Has the right to check up on his own child.

He does not look happy. He stares at you, arms crossed over his chest. “Why are you so upset?”

You blink, not expecting that question. You thought he would yell and scold. You swallow. “I...I don’t know.”

His eyes narrow. “Don’t lie to me.”

You look away, feeling guilty and stupid and wishing you could disappear. “I was jealous.”

“You said it was okay.” He reminds, voice gruff. “I asked you. You said you understood. How am I going to feed if I don’t touch her?”

You scowl, throwing your hands in the air, the first time you’ve done so. “I don’t know!” Baekhyun takes a step back, surprised by your outburst, hands falling to his sides. You pace your room, tears flowing freely now as you rant. “I don’t know, okay. I’m stressed and scared and insecure, my feelings are everywhere and I have no control over them! I just want to cry all day long and scream. I’m not eating well and I can’t let anything happen to the baby but everything’s going wrong and I’m so scared.” You take a shuddering breath, your voice dropping. “I just want to be with you. Is that too much to ask?”

From the corner of your eye you see Baekhyun open his mouth. You swirl towards him and cut him off sharply.

“Even if I have to take care of this baby on my own, I’ll do it. I don’t need you, Baekhyun. I can handle it fine on my own—”

“Thorn.”

“—because I’ve been alone all my life—”

“Thorn, please.”

“—it makes no difference now—”

“Thorn!” Baekhyun roars, eyes blazing as he stomps to you and then—

Oh, he’s kissing you. With all the frustration and hurt and passion he’s felt these few days all at once. You melt into his arms almost immediately, clutching him for balance and kiss him back, letting him soothe away your worries.

Then his kisses soften, turning into affectionate pecks instead, his thumb rubbing circles in the small of your back. You rest your head against his shoulder, cooing as he rocks you gently. You missed him so much it’s unbearable.

“I’m sorry.” He says after a while. “I’m sorry I made you feel insecure and I wasn’t always there for you. But please stop getting angry at Emerald—she’s innocent.”

You sniff, nodding. “I know. I’m sorry too. I just can’t stop myself and blow up. I’ll apologize to her, I promise.”

“I heard from Yixing about your condition.” He says. “Is there anything I can get you? Craving anything?”

“Not really.” You wrinkle your nose. “I am a little hungry now though.”

He lets out a quiet laugh. “Let’s get you some food then.” He grows serious once more. “And don’t say things like you’ll handle this alone. I’m not the best support but I do want to support you.” He looks down, looking ashamed. “You just have to beat me upside the head sometime and tell me what you need.”

You giggle, nodding. “Okay, I will.”

“And Sehun?” Baekhyun asks. “Has he spoken to you lately?”

You frown, tilting your head as you think. “No. Why?”

Baekhyun lets out a smile, though it looks tight. “Never mind then. It’s nothing.”

Your pregnancy has been going well since then. You’ve tried harder to ignore it when Baekhyun feeds on Emerald. He’s cut back the frequency, which you feel immensely guilty about but he assures you it’s fine. He’s trying not to set you off again.

You’re at 24 weeks now, which means you’re about halfway there. You can feel the baby kicking around too, and it always brings a grin to your face. The first time you made Baekhyun feel the baby kick, he was horrified. Thought the baby was hurting you.

You assured him over and over again that it wasn’t so, and it actually made you incredibly happy. You would squeal and coo at your tummy when it moved. Baekhyun was skeptical but learned to accept it. Though his reaction was disappointing, you’re glad he’s gotten better with the idea of your pregnancy.

He’ll even sometimes feel it on his own now, eyes widening whenever the baby would greet him, though you haven’t seen him smile.

It makes you a little sad to think about.

You wonder what’s going on in his mind. Is he really not the least bit happy about this? Or is he just extremely worried about you? You’ve tried asking, but he always answers very vaguely and he’s learned to give you answers that you want to hear.

It frustrates you to no end, but you keep quiet because you know he’s trying. He’s trying so hard, and sometimes you see notes scrawled over his desk. Out of curiosity you pick a paper up to read to find him desperately searching for a way to keep you alive. There are so many questions unanswered, and hundreds of ideas crossed out.

And then in a corner you find a scribbled, Victoria?

You frown, recognizing the name. You see Baekhyun talking quietly with Jongdae and Junmyeon sometimes, and Yixing would join in occasionally. They all look so serious when they talk, voices staying hushed and often they talk in the middle of the night when the Pets are asleep. You’ve only caught them like that a few times when you wake up with a craving for a midnight snack.

So what connection has Baekhyun made about your pregnancy and Victioria, of all people? You shudder at the name, not wanting to think about her.

You make a mental note to ask him about this later, but for now you stack his notes up neatly and set them aside. You also wish there was a way you could live through this, and you’re staying as optimistic as you can.

No one knows for sure that you’ll die, anyways. Maybe you can push through if you’re determined enough. You hope you are.

Rubbing your belly, you sigh as you snuggle into Baekhyun’s bed, waiting for him to come home from patrol. You’ve been sleeping in here now rather than your own room. Everything smells like him and it calms you down. You love sleeping in his clothes and wrapping yourself up with his blanket.

Then there’s a knock.

Puzzled, you push yourself up and hobble towards the door. It’s Sehun, looking rather thrilled, eyes wide and a grin on his face. “Hi, Thorn.”

“Hi.” You frown at his expression, rarely seeing him like this. “Did something happen?”

“I found a way,” he says, slightly breathless and so eager. “A way that you can live.”

Previous Chapter│ Next Chapter

Eternal Mini Masterlist

A/N: Oooh plot twist? Cliffhanger? I’m excited 😆

Tags: @loser-dot-com @meryljill-111192 @ugeuuupabo @baekyeolbeom @weirdsofagirls @and-you-found-me @ilovexiu @enchanting-exo @byunfirstlady @skjdln @iietherealsky @1039-smooths @dear-fake-diary @chibi-desu-yo-01 @marimsun @sebootyforlife @baekhyuq @kyoongies @lavellanfriendliness @wongxiexie @always-wishing-for-rain @suhoandbaekhyunruinme @noonaofjungkook @mango-bear @lightmochi @simplyyeol @moon8894 @luvvaerihun @his-mochi-cheeks @sweetjellytine @junmyeonnoona @haruharux23 @sunbyun21

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callousdegenerate · 3 years ago

Note

How would the doctors be in relationships? (Including TO and Lucius)

I'm presuming with partners who reciprocate their affection, lol. Let's also pretend we're excluding their limitation of being only at the facility.

Yosuke: He'd be very much loving. The "best" parts of his treatment of Ten are good examples. However, he'd still be a little possessive at times and expect his partner to accommodate his wants and needs. Though he can't avoid it in TF, he won't exactly prefer his partner to get too close to other men and will actively prevent it if possible, or at least hover over them continuously to make sure they're "safe". Yosuke might take his partner on regular dinner dates or to more private place, but would ultimately prefer to keep them at home. He'd give them plenty of affection, kissing and touching them all over. He might even be a little needy and bother his partner when they're lounging around or doing work. He would not hesitate to talk things out if need be, but he may regularly make assumptions or read his partner and try to get them on his side rather than actually solve a conflict. He's quite tricky with words, and tends to go for people who can't easily "beat" him at the games he plays. No matter what, he will always get his way.

Mom: She'd still talk the way she does with a real partner, and still be lively and coy. But she'd show her affection more by being sweet for them and buying them gifts (she'll more than likely be the breadwinner too). She'd also probably take her partner around and meet new people and be social. Mom would baby their partner in the bedroom as is her fascination, and she may expect them to refer to her matronly name even outside of it as she does in TF. She'd probably go on a lot of random dates with her partner, even small things like going shopping. But always, she will keep up with her sexual fascinations and expect regular attention in the bedroom. She might not indulge in a partner who can't keep up with her sexual desires. If a partner shows that they're going to be too much of a stubborn person for her, Mom has no issues cutting them off and finding someone else. Only if it's someone she likes to toy with or have fun with does she get particularly attached. She can be a bit clingy and needy if she really likes/loves someone enough, so her partner would really have to be able to put up with that overbearing personality. But because of who she is and how she gets, her relationships never last incredibly long.

Sven: He'd hardly be romantic, but he'd probably be pretty loose and casual with his partner. His rather misogynistic ways would probably be downplayed around a partner, or else he'd hide a lot of his intentions if he wants them to stick around. Sven likes to be the one in charge of things and has absolutely no patience, so he doesn't take well to partners who try to talk over him or assert themselves. Basically, he's not the greatest guy to be in a relationship with, and would probably want to get his dick wet and chill out more than deal with relationship issues or talking things out. He's not afraid of ending a relationship if his partner ends up being too difficult for him to handle, or if he perceives that the relationship gains are not worth the effort.

Jude: He might be a little more kind with a partner than Sven, and certainly a little classier. He's a bit old fashioned, so he'd expect his partner to be more petite and gentle while he leads. He'd pay for things and take them out now and then, with the expectation that his partner give him affection/attention. Jude would not do well with conflict, but at least try to reason with his partner if they're angry. He's not the type to shut people off, but will not get overly emotional himself and tends to be more calm about things. If his partner is far more reactive, he will have to constantly try managing their moods.

Micah: He'd prefer a partner who can keep up with his interests and attitude, but he does have a few soft spots that might show more often with a genuine partner. He'd like to laze around in bed with them or go out at night before returning to the bedroom for playtime. He might not do well with conflict since he's so hotheaded, but he'll probably feel bad about hurting someone he actually likes. Even if there's fights, he'll apologize later, possibly with his body. Micah is usually begrudging to let others see his softer side, so when he does act gently for his partner, he will probably do it in private.

Jonathan: Jonathan would be a romantic, and treat his partner gently. He'd lead a gentler partner and woo them with his charm, but be submissive and boyish to a more dominant one, particularly in the bedroom. He'll probably shower his partner in gifts and affection. Would probably swing if his partner agrees to it, too. And though he's rather calm and casual, Jonathan may sometimes resort to begging playfully if he wants to involve his partner in something. He has a charm about him that will usually lead a partner to agree to what he wants, but he isn't unfair and will usually compensate a partner for those agreements, either with gifts or heavy petting. Jonathan would be rather fond of romantic outings, and may like to be surprised by his partner, or surprise them himself.

Nathaniel: Nathaniel wouldn't be quite as submissive as Jonathan and might attract more tender and gentle partners for him to romance and fawn over. He'd give them gifts as well, and be extremely affectionate and touch their partner regularly with things like hugs, kisses, and hand-holding. Nathaniel's a dapper man who lives lavishly, so he'd make sure his partner looked equally as lavish. He's also constantly fluster them with loving, and perhaps even poetic words. Lots of wine-and-dine dates with this man.

Gale: Gale would be a subtle romantic, but always be gentle with their partner and lead them if they need to be led. They aren't the grandiose type and would instead prefer simple company and time together. They might not be able to help but read their partner regularly and always know if there's something on their mind. They're quite good at working out problems, so it'd be easy to avoid too much arguing in the relationship. Bedroom time would go between hard pegging and gentle play depending on the mood of both partners at the given time.

Milos: Milos would be a bit difficult to deal with, but rewarding for those who put up with his drunker antics. He'd still treat his partner like royalty and give them very enthusiastic affection, but he might be a bit more forward than some people like. He's very unashamed of pressing hard kisses onto his partners in public, and wouldn't much care if anyone were to be disgusted by overt displays of affection. If his partner is fairly dainty, even if he'll still try to treat them gently most times, he might frighten them by being too loud or unpredictable. But if his partner is as aggressive and headstrong as he is, they might be right alongside him. He'd love every minute of that, especially if his partner's an alcoholic too. He may brush off a partner if there's a conflict, or find any way to dodge conflict in general since he prefers to have a good time rather than be too serious. He's not the kind of person to want to be tied down, so he wouldn't be interested in long-term relationships.

Lilah: Lilah would be fairly impatient in a relationship unless her partner was able to keep up with her demanding personality and interests. She'd never be with anyone super gentle, and so her partner would have to be as headstrong as her. There might be a lot of fighting and rough makeup sex in a relationship like this. If Lilah's with a partner who she can be a little bit more "submissive" in the bedroom to and not be a top, she'll probably be pretty demanding and bratty both in and out of the bedroom. When she does get enthusiastic about things, she'll probably want to share things with her partner. She's not the romantic or cuddling type, and would probably rather have raunchy make-out sessions and get sloshed than sit through a boring dinner date.

Monica: Monica might baby her partner a little bit and treat them like royalty. She'd act fairly bubbly around her partner and constantly ask if they'd like to do things with her if she's in the mood to go out and have a good time. She'd be very vocal in the relationship, wanting to talk quite often about how she feels and how things are going. If she has an impatient partner, this might lead to a lot of arguments and conflict of interest. If her partner is as loving and vocal as she is, it'd be much easier to talk about things, but sometimes the both of them will try to talk over one another if they have something to say. Monica would definitely be openly sexual with her partner and would possibly be a little needy since she still sometimes is stuck in her younger mindset despite being an older woman who's expected to be more "mature". She likes to be perky and girlish, and more importantly likes to have fun. However, if her partner is ever having a bad time or feels sad, she'll drop what she's doing to take care of them.

Lucius: See this ask

The Overseer: This one's a bit tough. He's hardly a romantic, nor especially enthusiastic about being in a traditional relationship. He might be a distant, busy partner who doesn't much know how to tenderly show his affections and isn't always present, but he would give his partner anything they needed or even wanted if they were to ask for it. He may even preemptively buy something for his partner if they even hinted casually at it, regardless of whether it was something they needed/wanted (ex. if his partner were to say "I would kill for a car like that" even if they were joking, he'd misread their tone and buy one for them, thinking they were 100% serious about it). TO is a very private individual, and won't be particularly affectionate. He'd struggle if his partner were the affectionate type, leading to a lot of disagreements and one-sided fights. However, an affectionate partner may do little things for him he quietly appreciates or rewards with compliments and gifts-- things like tying his ties, cooking for him, and making the bed. He may even give them kisses on the forehead or cheek in private as a means to satisfy them, but wouldn't publicize his affectionate gestures whatsoever and mostly keep these things in the home. In turn, if he has the time, he may even try to return some of these favors and attempt to clean or cook for his partner, but leave notes instead of waiting for their reaction to his gestures. TO's values tend to be tied to achievements and successes, so he'd be a lot more "open" or "chatty" with a partner who has accomplishments under their belt, like maybe a fellow doctor or someone who's so focused on the work they do in their field like he is. Since he's such a stoic man, he won't be super expressive, but at the very best would deliver a few lines of (well-meaning, but dry-sounding) compliments or praise to his partner. So, TO would probably accept living with and being close to someone, he just wouldn't seem super enthused even if he's actually quite content. Livelier people might ask his partner why they're with him when he seems so "boring", but there will always be something his partner loves about him even when he is a little dry.

#Asks #CD Facility Story #CD Facility Spoilers #CD Facility Reference #wow this took forever to answer lol./#i hope it's fufilling enough./

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hauntedflxwers · 5 years ago

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Two People You Never Piss Off

Or as I like to call it: Luka rips Lila a new one

This is the first story I’m posting on here and it’s very Lila bashing and takes place after the season 3 finale has happened so spoilers!!!! just in case

Word count: 2965

With all that out of the way, I hope any of y’all who read it enjoy it!

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Luka sat some distance away from his sister and her friends, perfectly content to listen to them having fun while he played his guitar and watched. Something nagged at his mind, however: he recognised everyone there - Juleka, Rose, Alix, Mylene and Alya - except one girl. With two ugly sausages on the side of her head - he really had no clue what type of aesthetic she was reaching for with those, but either way she failed miserably - and a meek expression on her face as she spoke that seemed too carefully crafted to feel real, he could already hear what sort of melody he associated with her. It was sour and impure, a garbled mess of everyone else’s melodies and, quite frankly, it made him feel a little bit queasy.

That wasn’t the main problem, however. He couldn’t help but be painfully aware of Marinette’s absence, and the way no one seemed to care about it either. Ever since Chloe had been akumatized on her parents’ anniversary, he’d been worried for her. He’d spoken with Juleka a few days after Ladybug had set everything back to normal, and he’d asked her if she’d noticed whether something was wrong with Marinette. Her answer hadn’t been very assuring.

“Well,” he remembered her starting, dragging out the word as she thought. When she spoke again, her words had been slow and careful. “Marinette has had something against Lila since she came back from Achu, and she never normally hates someone that much. She keeps saying she’s lying but whenever she does Alya just dismisses her and says that she’s just jealous because Lila is close to Adrien. I always thought that was a bit weird, because she helped Adrien go on that date with Kagami even though it hurt her, but that’s not the point. I don’t know if Lila did something to her, but I think Marinette has a point, even if Alya would kill me for saying that - I mean, she knows Jagged Stone personally.” Juleka looked out of the window nervously before continuing.

“But ever since Chloe and her parents got akumatized, she’s been acting really strange. It’s almost like she’s mourning someone, she’s been that upset. Whenever we ask her to hang out she either blows us off because she’s so busy or she comes but she ends up on her own. Alya asked her why she was so upset once and she just said she’d lost something important. Alya assumed it was because Adrien and Kagami were getting closer. But Rose thought she meant she’d lost something valuable, like an earring or something.”

Since then, he’d seen Marinette once or twice when he had to deliver something to the bakery. Every time, she seemed well. Happy, but reserved. Her melody was more subdued, but it also seemed more mature, like she herself had had an experience that made her wiser. It was unusual, but he’d just been happy that she’d been handling herself well.

So seeing her friends without her, he was inclined to believe that she was just busy again. He was also inclined to believe that the sausage-girl was the Lila that Juleka told him Marinette didn’t like. The girl who could be lying. He focused on his guitar again and began to strum Marinette’s new melody softly.

He didn’t know how much time had passed when he was interrupted by someone holding their hand out to him and quietly saying, “Hi.” He let his final chord finish playing before he looked up to see Lila in front of him, a warm albeit nervous smile on her face. “I’m Lila, and you must be Juleka’s brother Luka. I’ve heard a lot about you, you know. It’s so nice to meet you.”

Before he replied, she scooped up the skirt beneath her legs and sat next to her, making a point to flash him another smile. “The others have just gone to go and get some stuff, but they were so considerate of my arthritis that they told me to just wait up here so I didn’t injure myself! So I thought I’d come and introduce myself to you.”

As unpleasant as her melody was, he didn’t have any reason to distrust or dislike her yet, so he pushed those feelings aside in favour of watching her very carefully. “Well it’s nice to meet you too, Lila. Although, I don’t think I’ve ever seen you here before.”

She laughed with a wave of one hand. It was a pleasant, bubbly sound but there was something slightly off about it that he couldn’t place. “That’s because you haven’t seen me here before. See, Juleka has invited me here a lot but I’ve always been so busy fundraising or talking with leaders of charities or catching up on schoolwork I’ve missed while away for my mama’s business that this is the first time I’ve been able to accept it,” she explained. Immediately he noticed that she was someone who spoke with her hands, gesticulating and gesturing in random directions to make her explanations seem larger. Whether it was natural or something she’d learned to manipulate people, he wasn’t sure. She hadn’t done anything to indicate she was lying yet.

He tried to hide his skepticism as he spoke, opting for a neutral, “Well, I’m glad you could make it this time, Lila. I’m sure you must have been upset to miss those first few times.”

Her face dropped and she gathered her hands in her lap, staring down at them pointedly as she replied, her voice quivering as she spoke. “Oh, I was really upset about it, but Juleka and the others were so nice about it, they didn’t even get mad when I told them I already had plans. You’re so lucky to have Juleka as a sister, you know. I’d kill to have someone as understanding as her in my family, but you know how it as an only child - you can only emulate those sorts of relationships. It makes me sort of envious of you and Juleka. You guys have always had that, while I’m going to have to search for someone who will trust me the same way I would.” Then she looked up at him, eyes going wide as if she realised she’d done something wrong. “Oh my goodness! I’m so sorry for unloading on you like that, especially when we don’t know each other that well!”

“It’s fine,” he reassured her, despite the conflicting feelings in his chest. On one hand, if she was genuine, he knew he would feel sympathy for her - a mixture of guilt due to inadvertently upsetting her and worry due to how scared she was of upsetting him - but if she was a liar like Marinette said, he knew he would be furious with her for trying to manipulate him into feeling bad, probably to butter him up for a lie. Both mindsets fought the other. “We all have something we need to take off our chest sometimes.”

She sniffled, head in hands before she looked up, cheeks pink and eyes wet around the edges and stared up at him for a moment before her face split into a wide grin and she wrapped her arms around his shoulders. “Oh, thank you Luka!” she hiccupped, tightening her hold on him. “How can I repay you for being so kind and understanding?”

“Repay?” he asked. Where was she going with this?

“Well, you- you like Jagged Stone, don’t you? I could get you a ticket to his next concert!” she offered, pulling away and clasping her hands in front of her chest. Her voice was hopeful. “It wouldn’t be hard!”

His gut squirmed as he contemplated what to do next. This is it, Luka, he thought. This is where you find out whether she’s lying or not. “How would you do that? I don’t want you paying money just because I listened to you rant about your feelings.”

“It’ll be no trouble at all!” Lila waved him off, her change in mood a little jarring. “I don’t know whether Juleka told you or not already, but Jagged loves me - I’m like his . honorary daughter! He even wrote a song for me once!”

“Really? What song?” There was something suspicious about the way she paled. “If you say it, I’ll know which one you’re talking about.”

“Well,” she spluttered, picking at her nails sheepishly. “I said he wrote a song for me, but I didn’t mean he published it. It would seem a bit weird to praise a 15 year old girl…”

“Actually, that depends on what he’s praised you for,” he countered. “Jagged Stone loved Marinette’s designs so much that he wouldn’t stop promoting her for another two months at least, but no one thought it was weird because he praised her designs, not her. Was he praising you for something you did or was it in a creepy, ‘this random girl is nice, she’s a minor, I’m an adult’ way?”

“I’m guessing Juleka didn’t tell you then?” she asked forcefully, eyes darting to where Juleka and her friends had gone. He shook his head and her shoulders tensed. “Well,” she dragged the word out as her melody began to go even more sour in the back of his mind. “Well, he made the song for me because I did something for him.”

“What did you do?” he asked curiously. “It must have been something dangerous if Jagged has had to keep quiet about it though, because he’s never mentioned you before on any of his social media.”

“I saved his pet from being run over at an airport once,” Lila admitted after what felt like ages, getting visibly nervous - tapping her foot against the floor and hunching her shoulders so that she was smaller, both of which were red flags for him. “My mama and I were on our way to another country for her work and I saw his pet nearly get run over by a plane so I saved it. I’ve had really bad tinnitus ever since.” As if to prove a point, she cupped her left ear with both hands and whimpered slightly. “It hurts, but I’m trying to be brave for everyone.”

“That doesn’t make sense though,” he mused out loud, watching as Lila froze. “Jagged loves Fang so much that he would never let him get anywhere close to somewhere he could be run over, so unless Fang escaped this would have never happened.”

“No, no!” Lila interrupted him hastily, waving both hands in front of her. “It wasn’t Fang, it was his kitten.”

He blinked in disbelief, then any sympathy he had for her was lost. She really had been lying to him and Juleka this entire time, without a care in the world. He took a deep breath before he said anything rash. Once he was calm, he continued. “Jagged is allergic to kittens, he said so in one of his interviews.”

“This was before he realised!”

“He said in his interview he found out about his allergies before he was an adult, and I’m pretty sure you weren’t born early enough to save his cat while he was a teenager.” He sighed, pinching the bridge of his nose. “There’s no reason to lie to me, Lila. Not if it’s just to impress me.”

“I’m not lying!” she protested, voice raising in volume. “I don’t know why you’re attacking me like that!”

He shuffled away from her, raising his hands in the air to prove a point. “I’m not attacking you, Lila. I told you that you shouldn’t have to lie to impress me, that’s all. I’d much rather know the real Lila over the Lila who lies about Jagged Stone.”

“Oh, why do you care so much?” she snapped, meek demeanor disappearing. “It’s one lie!”

“Yeah, and that’s one lie you’ve told my sister, her classmates and Marinette. For all I know, you could have told more,” he countered evenly, struggling to contain his anger. “I’m pretty sure you were on the Ladyblog as well, with an interview about Ladybug being your best friend. Was that a lie too?”

“It’s only what Alya wanted to hear!”

“People want you to tell the truth, not get their hopes up.” He stared her down. “I want my sister to know that everything she’s being told is genuine. I want her friends to know that everything you say is the truth-”

“They all think it’s the truth anyway,” she hissed. “What’s the difference?”

“The difference is you’re lying,” he said cooly. “And if you’re reacting like this to me knowing, god knows how you reacted to Marinette knowing.”

“It’s always about Marinette, isn’t it?” Lila all but yelled at him. Her eyes glared daggers at him, but he couldn’t bring himself to care. “I bet with your crush on her, she convinced you into believing I lied and you just went along with it, didn’t she?”

“Of course she didn’t. Marinette doesn’t like liars but she’s not cruel like that. I drew my own conclusions based on your inconsistencies. Besides, if Marinette wanted people to know you were a liar, she’d go about it in a way you wouldn’t expect her to. She’s not dumb.”

“Of course she’s not dumb!” Lila shot back. “If she’s smart enough to see through my lies she can’t be as dumb as this class! It’s why she’s so annoying!”

He folded his arms. “I’m guessing Ladybug doesn’t like you either?”

“How the hell do I know?” Lila shrugged viciously, expression getting more and more sour by the second. “She’s a bloody superhero, she doesn’t wear her heart on her sleeve! I don’t even know if she has one! She has a brain where her heart is and a cavity in her head that makes her dangerous, because she could hate me and I’d never know because it’s stuck in her stupid head and not on her face! All I know is that she hasn’t called me out yet and every time she sees me she just encourages me to be honest instead of yelling at me, like she realised her mistake.”

“Mistake?”

“Doesn’t matter. But no, we’re not friends. There, you happy?” She was so angry that it was almost amusing, but he shoved that feeling down. “I hate her, she ruined my chances with Adrien and then gave me a half-assed apology like I was supposed to just accept it? Does she think I’m an idiot?”

“What you’re missing, Lila is a crucial piece of advice if you’re going to continue playing this stupid game.” He ran his fingers over the strings of his guitar as Lila opened her mouth, then closed it, then glared at him expectantly. “It doesn’t matter whether you’re an idiot or not. There are two people in this world that you never piss off.”

“And who would those people be?”

“I think you already know,” he smiled in vindication at the way her expression fell. “But just in case, I’ll remind you. There are two people you never piss off, and they’re Ladybug and Marinette.”

“And why might that be?” Lila was tense as she waited for his answer, eyes darting to and fro. They both knew Juleka could return at any moment. “What’s so special about them?”

“Ladybug has her mind, her Lucky Charm, her word and Chat Noir on her side, while you don’t even have your own word, you just have a reporter who blindly follows you, but even she’ll believe Ladybug over you. Marinette is your class representative, it wouldn’t be hard for her to expose you, especially considering she can contact Jagged Stone whenever she wants.”

“She can?” Lila spluttered. “But she’s a minor! Isn’t that illegal?”

“Not when it’s purely professional, or when his number is on her parents’ phones, or when her parents consented to it.” Lila paled. “Besides that, Marinette is as smart as Ladybug, maybe even smarter. If she wanted to, it would probably only take a day for her to take you down, like you did when she nearly got expelled, except she knows how to cover her tracks.”

At that, Lila scowled. “They still believed it.”

He shrugged. “From what I’ve heard, it was circumstantial at best, you just had so many disabilities people had to cater to that there was no way you could have stolen the papers, or planted the necklace to anyone who didn’t know. Besides, if they believed that, who’s to say they wouldn’t believe Marinette if she did the exact same thing to you, but with real, indisputable proof?”

“They haven’t believed her yet!”

“They haven’t, I’ll admit it, but what has Marinette done to you besides say you’re lying? She hasn’t even begun to gather evidence because she’s playing nice, god knows why.” Lila swallowed at that. Then her eyes widened as she looked past his shoulder.

“Well, I hate to cut this short,” she said, gritting her teeth into a smile. “But Juleka and her friends are back, so I have to go now. It was nice meeting you, Luka.” She stood up hurriedly, brushing any dirt off her skirt before she hurried over to his sister and her group of friends.

“It was nice meeting you Lila,” he murmured with a smile, knowing he’d won. Closing his eyes and leaning back, he returned to playing Marinette’s melody, noting somewhere in the back of his mind how similar it was to the one that played in the back of his mind when he met Ladybug when Desperada attacked as the sun shone across his face.

There were two people he knew to never piss off, and their melodies were so similar he knew exactly why that was the case.

#ml fic #luka couffaine #lila rossi #ml #ml season 3 spoilers #lila bashing #juleka couffaine #ml salt #ml salt fic #luka destroys lila #my writing

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sickassastrology · 3 years ago

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What made you different? 🥸

This is a general reading for the collective. This read is about your person you have in mind. Remember that because it is general it will not resonate with everyone. So take what sticks. Your free to choose whatever pile you feel. Heck, there could be little messages in all the piles. Time is fluid and we all have free will. So things can play out at anytime or maybe not at all. Follow your heart always. -E 💙🌻

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Pile 1 ��🍒🍒

Greetings pile 1, the classy crew with the rider Waite deck. let's get into it. I'm getting whoever this was misused you when they had you. I heard the line from Jackson 5 I want you back. when I had you to myself i didn't want you around, those pretty faces always made you stand out in the crowd". With this group I'm feeling like what made you different to this person was that you had it going on. you had a lot going for yourself. and you didn't share that with just anyone. your riches. your glory. whether it was your body, money, time, energy. whatever the case was...you were selective in who you gave to. you are an attractive energy and human pile 1. and you know it too. 😜 confident. I'm getting the energy of I have a lot going for me, and I'm not going to just be out in these streets. my money is good, I look good, I feel good. It took a lot for you to get there and so you won't share that with anyone & everyone. and then....you gave it to this person and decided to act a fool, right? lol isn't it always like that. this person saw you as being able to take care of yourself, even when it was a lot. im getting heavily that some of yall have family members or siblings (big on the siblings) that you take care of. you are the parental figure to them. you had a lot of responsibilities, and yet you were still like a breathe of fresh air. you still knew how to smile. mature. you always smiled in the mist of sadness. and you meant it too, like it wasn't just a mask. it was like "I still have something to smile about in life. my flowers still grow. there's happiness all around me." you still knew how to give to this person. managing the connection even with your own stuff going on. and they admired that about you. when things got tough you remained calm. never too out of control. you handled each situation how it came and for what it was. although you told this person about your life, you NEVER made it burdensome to them. like that's my life, but we are separate from that. and this person was acting stupid. I see a few of yall into the occult too. and that definitely makes you different, doesnt it lol. but you don't mind it and didn't hide it because it's who you are. when you saw there was sneaky behavior going on, you left. you used your intuition to guide you. and now, this person does have a lot to give and will give it but if I screw them over they will bounce out. you are not the one to do an unfair relationship. I'm seeing this person got caught cheating on their phone. like you saw some hidden text messages. I also heard "nude" like nude photos you found. this person was doing too much. and you were like no it's not fair. and it was like they didn't care. they were only sorry they got caught. they see you are strong, know who you are, know your worth, and you won't bow down to anyone. and that's on purrrr! it hurts you, but you know your special and you are a gift to somebody out there. so if you have to leave, then bye. you'll see why I'm special later on. and this hurts but you know how to keep pushing forward. and your person is just like, omg how are they doing this, how are they still okay!? pile 1, your energy is so beautiful 😍. its very tranquil. and im not saying that you never get upset or anything like that but there is a peace about you. like it didn't work out. okay, cool. I'll just keep working on my life, taking care of me and mine. and best of luck to them, ya know? I see you did love them, like them a lot. but that's the way the cookie crumbles. and tbh, pile 1 I feel you'll be better off without this person anyway. like you'll be happier being a lone, find somebody else, or just keep taking care of business. so many blessings to you all, you deserve wonderful things. ❤

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PILE 2 🥠🥠🥠

Hi pile 2, so while I was shuffling I heard likeable. so your very easygoing and charming im getting. this pile is nurturing, motherly. I get the energy of "ill lick your wounds for you so you don't have to". Ouuuu a healer. I see. (make sure that people don't try to get over on you, because they will try it)! You are a kind person. I'm getting friendly to everyone around. This pile is let's make love, not war. You don't like to agrue much. This person could have been a fireball and you just put their fire ALLLL the way out lol. I feel like some of yall worked with this person or around them. and there would be competition around you, and they would try so hard to get your persons attention. like look at me!! trying real hard. and then there you were like " I'm just here, doing me". you weren't trying to stand out. and they looked right at your ass too. 😂😂 Pile 2, you are almost too loving for your own good, aren't cha. 🥰 you love life. you showed this person a different way of living, like just go with the flow. but you weren't reckless. if you did go out or drink. I'm feeling like a festival or winery type. you showed this person that life is fun. you are a true free spirit. you don't let a lot of life's qualms bother you. this group is very natural. humanitarian. I heard the word garden. this pile is the type that give to the less fortunate. I'm seeing a person on the street and like you'll give them money, food, or whatever it is with no second thought. very "here you are. be blessed". and this person was in awe of that type of generosity. because this world doesn't have people like that. you weren't doing it for attention. you are a G-I-V-E-R. Tbh, with this pile I'm really feeling like you have a gift to help people, but I'm not sure that you even know that yet. you think that's just how you are. but i see you really doing things with the community. know your purpose you all, because its so important. you are balanced. Yes you are such a giving person. BUT you will hold back IF needed. you know when to hold em & fold em. that's you. you just don't have to try hard. I'm getting your person wears a mask to fit in. you do nothing, you can get somebody's attention without doing much of anything really. you love life and you give life into others. into earth. the seas. skies. heavens. whatever it is, you give life to it. this pile is an empress. very divine feminine. *(remember tarot have NO gender, it is only energy)* you'd make a good parent if you had children. *as I said that, I heard I don't want kids but I have fur babies*. 😂 okay so you take care of your pets as your little babies. we love them too. 🐾🐾 this group wishes good on other people. as I was pulling your oracle. the card purpose slips right from my hands. and it reads. purpose: I know what I am here to do. didn't I say this group fits in to a bigger picture. find the reason you are on this earth, do not waste another minute because you will feed so much life into other people. earth angels. 🥰 beautiful. pride: I love myself and see myself in everyone. and gratitude: I am thankful for life and the opportunity it presents. come through pile 2! confirmation again. I just said you love the life you live. the pride you have is almost humble. it's like you like yourself. the good. bad. ugly. and there's no better way to be. and that's why they like you! heck, I like you 😂 so awesome. let your light shine.

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PILE 3 🥦🥦🥦

Pile 3, whatsup!? How are yall feeling? So right off. This is more about your mindset pile 3. your intellect. this person valued your decision making. you moved very carefully when it came to other people. they would come to you and ask about somebody. and you could look and examine and tell if that person was okay or had some type of ill intent. umm....intuitive much? you are a very wise person. you listen a lot to your gut, even if you have to sleep on it. your going to go with what you feel. you knew how to get work done but you still made time for the connection too. I'm getting that some of you have an important job or school that takes up time BUT you knew when to be silly and take breaks too. I'm feeling like you and this person had really goody times together. snapchat filters and silly faces 🤪😂. you are a very determined person. when things get hard or you fail. you never stop trying until you succeed. but you pace yourself, never tire yourself out. sheer determination from yall. love it. there's a lot of power in that. this group loves gathering information. reading. tv. listening. however you gained it, you shared it with your person and other people. a teacher. you actually made this person become better when you spoke to them. it challenged them. you also had a quirkiness about you. I'm getting you had hidden talents about yourself that were really random 😂. but your person loved it. you all pulled the empathy card. it reads: I am open to seeing both sides of the situation. again yall, you really know how to read people. use this to your advantage and get in touch with yourself. Tbh, if you tap in...you can sense auras. if you can't already! 💫🔮

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I have to say, every single one of you are special. each of these piles possess such unique abilities and talents. bless you all. not to say your perfect by any means. but beautiful works in progress. so whether or not these connections work out or your person comes back. you matter. you don't need to change what beauty inside yourself. keep growing. keep challenging yourself. don't compromise. your worth it. so climb to the highest mountain top and scream. "I AM WHO I AM. I AM WORTHY. AND BEAUTIFULLLLL". bless. -E 💙🌻

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iwachans-beefyarms · 5 years ago

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Hey everyone! Ok so first off, I’m really sorry for being hella inactive, it’s been a rough few months with exams and stress and seasonal depression HAHA but i’m better now! Unfortunately tumblr decided to delete a lot of my requests so I’m opening requests up again, so please feel free to drop by!!! This was a fun story to write, and I personally really love Sakusa’s character. I was heavily motivated by @sachiwrites‘s take on his character so hope I did u proud >.< I was also gong through a really stressful time while writing this so I thought it would be interesting to see how the reader’s own stress and depression would affect her relationship with Sakusa, someone who already had his own setoff problems. Anyway, hope y’all enjoy!

Original request: Hiiii ! lately, sakusa stole my heart >< so iy would be nice of you to write something about him !! Like something angtsy but with a fluffy end please, love me some emotional rollercoaster ride ^^

Truthfully, Sakusa Kiyoomi was indebted to you. He was acutely aware of how difficult he could be to handle. In fact, he had fully prepared himself for a life of solitude by the time he graduated from middle school. Who would want to spend the rest of their life with a person as complicated and fastidious as him? More so than that, Sakusa could not fathom having to care for another person so intimately. While he would like to pretend that his reasons for never taking interest in the pursuit for a lover were entirely born out of his insecurities about himself, the truth was that he was honestly just entirely too selfish to bother with a committed, loving relationship. He was not prepared to nurse any potential lover if they ever fell sick, or to have to go on spontaneous and wild dates just to please them. There were too many compromises that made a healthy relationship and Sakusa was not interested in making any of them. Life was too much of a burden as it already was; there was no need to worsen the weight of it.

Which is why he was so surprised when you whisked into his life, dancing up a storm in his heart. When he had first met you, he was utterly and completely blown away. He had been alone at the back of his school’s building trying distressingly hard to slow his breathing. He was panting-- no, hyperventilating. It was a panic attack of course, something he had gone through many times in his life, and something he thought he should be used to. However, the frequent occurrences of this attack on his lungs did not prevent him from feeling like he was on the edge of death everytime they came. This is it, this is really it. He heard himself think, his inner voice booming against the walls of his skull. In his crouched position, he saw the movement of feet through his peripheral vision. Too preoccupied to care, he ignored the actions of this unknown person and continued to focus on getting his breathing back on track. He noticed them, a girl maybe, reaching into her bag and pulling out a small bottle. It looked like… sanitiser maybe?

“Hey, eyes on me okay?” She spoke, her voice coming out muffled and soft against the loudness of his own heartbeat. Stressed and confused, he looked up at her as she carefully applied the liquid on her hands. Her thorough and smooth movements somehow helped him as he realised his vision had started becoming a lot less blurry. She came down to his level, and gently took his hands into hers.

“Breathe, 1, 2, 3. Exhale, 1, 2, 3. Come on, I’ll do it with you,” She spoke again, her voice confident and commanding, as she rubbed small and firm circles around his hands with the bud of her thumb. They stayed that way for nearly twenty minutes before Sakusa’s breathing finally came down from being erratic to somewhat normal. He was still panting, but he could think clearly now and he no longer heard his own heart beating in his head. She had stopped holding him by then, thank God. When he finally mustered up the effort to speak, all he could say was, “Who?”

With a small smile you replied, “Y/n! I’m in the class next to yours and we’ve never really met but I remember seeing you around quite often, Saskusa.” He was quite surprised when he realised you remembered his name. In all honesty, he had never seen you before. Maybe he had but he normally couldn't care less about other people. He didn’t even remember the names of some of his own classmates so why would he bother with a stranger next door? Still, she had been kind enough to help him. Not only that, she seemed to be aware of his phobia and had accommodated to it, which was incredibly moving for him. In that moment he felt the rare feeling of gratitude grow in his chest.

“Thank you, you must be really attentive to have known to be so careful,” he whispered, voice still raspy.

“Not really, it’s kind of obvious,” she laughed nervously, as if she was trying not to offend. He wasn’t offended.

“Anyway, see you around!” She said cheerfully, after a couple of awkward minutes. “Don’t be a stranger,” she added while walking away. He didn’t bother gracing that with a response.

Your persistent personality was a catalyst for your friendship. The daily greetings and small-talk had forced him to get to know you better and, interestingly enough, he was not repulsed. He found out about that new book you were reading, and actually enjoyed it when he decided to give it a read. Also, it was a pleasant surprise when you told him that you used to play volleyball. So, your conversations grew longer and meetings became more frequent. Soon, he was meeting you after school on days he didn’t have practice and even spending his lunch breaks with you. You started to inch closer to him and began leaving soft, subtle touches on his skin. You were obviously trying to be discreet, but he was a person who was so painfully aware of everyone around him that of course he noticed. The surprising thing was that he didn’t mind. He knew you were hygienic enough for him to be comfortable so he began to let himself enjoy your affections.

When you confessed your feelings for him, he was not surprised. He knew from the beginning that you had a little crush on him and he even found it quite adorable. Had you asked him out a few weeks earlier, his answer would have been a hard no. However, getting to know you over the past few weeks had really changed his entire mindset about relationships. For the first time in his life, Sakusa felt like he could open himself up to someone. You had been kind enough to cater to his obsessive and exhausting personality. You were also completely comfortable with taking things slow. Above all that, you had an absolutely endearing personality. It was as if fate had intentionally sent you his way after torturing him for the past years, and he wasn’t one to let blessings like this slip away. So, when you confessed your feelings for him, he was not surprised. But you were, when he said yes.

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Dating Sakusa was going to be hard and you knew that from the very start. You weren’t naive, despite what your boyfriend might have thought. You paid him a lot of attention during the earlier stages of your friendship. You knew what he liked, what ticked him off, his pet peeves and at that point you could even tell his emotional state just by looking at the way his eyebrows moved when the rest of his face was covered by a mask. You also knew that the effort Sakusa put into your relationship was unparalleled to everything you had done for him. But, that was what you had signed up for. He had enough problems on his own trying to deal with the world with his own personal struggles so you strived to make life just a little bit easier for him.

However, after a certain point, you had to come to terms with the fact that you were your own person too. You were human too. It was easy to forget about yourself when you had been so invested in another person. The most difficult part of it all was being unable to see the fruition of all your efforts. You knew deep in your heart that Sakusa loved you. He let you kiss him, touch him and even let you sleep in the same bed as him at times. Despite that, you felt incredibly lonely in your relationship. Interacting with Sakusa started feeling almost burdensome. While your relationship had been quite a ride, built by reckless passions with bursts of feelings like joy, anger and love, you couldn’t help but feel a sense of staleness develop after a while.

It started very slowly. School had been getting ridiculously hard and Sakusa’s practices had been getting more frequent. Engulfed by the stresses of school, the two of you had gone nearly two weeks without properly speaking to each other. While Sakusa had seemingly remained unbothered, the realisation of that had completely shocked you. How could you go two weeks without any interaction with the person you loved, and not even notice it? The thing you felt most guilty about was actually the sense of peace you had experienced over those two weeks. Blindsided by your adoration for Sakusa, you hadn’t realised how draining it was being around him. When the two of you would spend time, you rarely ever took care of yourself. You’d clean the table for him when eating lunch at school because he absolutely refused to eat at those disgusting cafeteria tables, and would rather die than clean it himself. Hell, you’d even do a thorough cleaning of your own house just so Sakusa could come over and spend time with you. That, coupled with the natural angst that grows in you as a hormonal teenager, had caused you to grow more and more irritated with him.

Things you had previously found endearing about Sakusa now made your skin crawl. Even as your interactions grew less, you found yourself wanting to cry out in anger everytime he asked you to wash your hands before touching him. It was incredibly frustrating because all you wanted was some affection, and your boyfriend, of all people, couldn’t give that to you. It hurt because you had foolishly believed that if you could convince him that he was capable of being loved, he’d grow to be able to reciprocate those affections. But you were starting to feel scammed.

“Sakusa, do you want to go to that cafe I’ve been talking about?” You had asked one day, hoping to salvage your sinking relationship. He had to have noticed the drift, right? He’d want to fix it too, right?

“Huh? I don’t really feel like it…” He shuts you down just like that. Your hands are intertwined, as they usually were when you went home together, but for the first time, you untangle your fingers from his.

In hindsight, you realised that not all your feelings had been caused by your dysfunctional relationship. You had suspected that you were depressed months ago, but the problem had never been serious enough to warrant any major action so you ignored it. At least, that was what you told yourself. As time went by, it became nearly impossible to ignore. You couldn’t do your homework, you couldn’t sleep and eventually your appetite began to vanish. The rejection you felt from Sakusa had further sent you down a spiral of self-doubt. You hated yourself for being so selfish and you figured that maybe the reason Sakusa was drifting away from you was because it was you who wasn’t enough, not him.

It didn’t take long for your guilt to morph into anger once again. You had made no mention of your fractured state of mind to Sakusa, but it would not have taken a genius to figure out that you were not okay. Friends and teachers had approached you to check on you but the man you loved with every fibre of your being had never once mentioned anything to you. The two of you went about your days as you normally would. Little kisses hello and goodbye had become almost mechanical, and you cried yourself to sleep every night. You knew you should seek help soon, before it became even worse but you couldn’t bring yourself to overlook Sakusa’s indifference towards you.

You couldn’t brush your teeth. You stood in front of your bathroom mirror and furrowed your eyebrows at your reflection, toothbrush in hand. Why…? It’s just… move your hand…? It had been two days since you last showered. It physically hurt you to move and all you wanted to do was go back to bed. Still, being the responsible student you were, you went to school. You were late, none of your homework had been done but hey, at least you showed up. You knew your boyfriend was disgusted by your appearance because he had been avoiding you like a plague. You didn’t blame him, you looked as hideous as you felt. It felt like the end of your relationship was nearing and you shocked yourself with how relieving that felt. Maybe if you stopped seeing each other you could start feeling at least a little less miserable. Again, at least that was what you told yourself when you messaged him about wanting to talk.

When the two of you met at the rooftop where you had so often shared meals, the atmosphere was tense. It didn’t help that the afternoon sun was unforgiving and the air was humid. Your disheveled state in the heat made you want to claw your own skin out but you settled for subtly digging your nails into the palms of your hands. You had planned the conversation out thoroughly; first ask him how his day was, then let him down easy. The last thing you wanted to do was hurt him. You knew how difficult getting into a relationship was for him and you didn’t want to completely turn him off from ever dating again.

Yet, when you saw the unreadable expression on his face with his fingers impatiently tapping the sides of his legs, your anger triumphed any semblance of civility you had planned.

“Where the fuck have you been?” Your words come out much softer than you anticipated but your voice shook. You could tell he was surprised by the way his eyebrows shot up.

“What do you mean I --”

“Shut up and listen, where have you been? I needed you, do you even care?” You were obviously crying at this point but Sakusa remained stunned to silence. “Screw you, Sakusa. Seriously, screw you,” you interrupt, your emotions clearly messing with your vocabulary.

“I’m your girlfriend, not your maid. I’m not just there to clean up shit for you! I have a life, I have feelings and I have been so miserable and you haven’t said anything,” You’re rambling but it was hard to stop once it started. You felt your vision blut from the tears and felt the snot running down your chin but you didn’t care. If Sakusa couldn't handle you at your worst then he sure as hell didn’t deserve you at your best. You continued your rant and poured your heart out to him. Unwittingly, you express your grievances about your own state of mind to him. You had wanted to keep your condition to him a secret for so long but there was no turning back now. He deserved to feel guilty, to hate himself for being such a terrible friend.

“I warned you about setting expectations. I told you that I’m not that guy. Why are you surprised now?”

His words seemed sarcastic but the genuinity in his voice as he responded triggered you. He wasn’t even trying to be hurtful, you knew that much. It was the fact that he hadn’t even tried to change for you that really broke your heart. Even though you had told yourself that you didn’t feel anything anymore, that the break up would be a relief, nothing in your nearly two decades of living could have ever prepared you for the heartbreak you felt in that moment. Seriously, it felt like your heart was about to fall from your chest, and you had to physically clench your fist against your chest to keep yourself from falling apart. You weren’t crying anymore, and there was nothing left to say. So, you walked away, and Sakusa didn’t bother stopping you.

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Sakusa Kiyoomi was indebted to you, this he knew for a fact. You had forced him out of his shell and had inspired him to be better. He never knew he was capable of doing something even as trivial as kissing, but with you he had been able to open himself up to so much more. Hell, he had had sex for the first time with you, something he had previously been unable to even fathom. It wasn’t just his comfort zone that you had expanded, you changed him for better. He was less cold towards others and he learned to appreciate the little things.

He remembered going to the beach once while you were on a date. He hated the sand in his shoes and he didn’t even want to think about stepping into the ocean. But, you had begged and begged for weeks and he eventually had to give in to you because, although he would never admit to it, seeing you smile made his heart flutter. You had forced him to take his shoes off and stand in the sand with you. With your eyes closed and hands raised, he watched you smile radiantly at the sky. He was transfixed, staring at you because how could someone be so beautiful and full of life?

“I love the feeling of the sun on my skin, it’s like being kissed by the sky don’t you think?” You had turned to face him, hands still in the air. Your words took him by surprise because Sakusa had never really seen the sun as anything but a source of humidity and a catalyst for disease. But the way you looked at him, the way your eyes sparkled; he couldn’t help but love the sun a little more from that day.

He really did love you, even if he wasn’t the best at showing it. So when you started getting dull, he noticed it immediately. He probably noticed it even before you had. The problem lay in the fact that he had no idea what to do. He figured, if you really needed help you would ask. But he knew that was just a pathetic excuse to avoid any kind of confrontation. Sakusa, for all his self-confidence, was incredibly insecure about his relationship with you. He never expected to cultivate such intense devotion towards you, but he did. And his biggest fear was that one day, you’d realise you were worth so much more than Sakusa could have ever hoped to offer. You were perfect and ethereal. Everybody loved you and it was almost like the sky became brighter when you were around. As the days went by, he found himself becoming more and more blinded by you. You had inspired him to get help, but he held himself back because of the fear that if you ever did grow wiser and left him, all his efforts would have been for naught. Truly, Sakusa believed that he would never love anyone the way he loved you, ever. The fear of losing you frightened him more than anything and he was too afraid to change any aspect of your relationship in case it ever disrupted the balance the two of you had created.

Things had started to change when you grew darker over time. He saw you deteriorate with his own eyes, but he couldn’t do anything. He didn’t want to do anything. He told himself it was because he was afraid of hurting you even more, but Sakusa felt deep down that it was his selfishness once again preventing him from ever going out of his way to care for someone. He reasoned that you were smart enough to have no expectation for him, that you knew he was a self-centred prick. But seeing you cry in front of him had really sobered him up. He hadn’t expected it to hurt so much when he saw you clutch your shirt as you fought back tears. When you walked away, he tried so hard to move towards you, to stop you, touch you-- anything, really. But his feet were grounded and all he could do was watch. Sakusa was nothing if not proactive, and he knew he had to do something quick, before the damage done was irreversible. With a quiet sigh muffled by his mask, he leaned his head back, face tilted toward the sky and let himself get lost in his thoughts.

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It had been two weeks since you spoke to Sakusa. You knew it was over but there had been a small part of you that had hoped he would approach you and you would both talk things out until everything went back to normal. Of course, that did not happen, and you were not surprised either. As much as you would like to believe in the romance of life that the media often tried to feed you, you were a realistic person who knew better than to have faith in some fantasy that only existed in your mind. At the same time, you were also, unfortunately, just a teenage girl whose heart refused to listen to her brain. Which was why, when your doorbell rang at 10pm that night, your heart skipped a beat in hopes that perhaps Sakusa had finally come to his senses and came to sweep you away.

What was more surprising than the fact that even after two weeks you still held some lingering hope that your ex-lover would come back to you was the fact that, indeed, it was him who stood at your front door. For a solid few seconds you could not move or say anything, as you took time to process the vision that was presented before you. Sakusa was wearing casual clothes and he sported his usual mask. However, it had been pushed down to collect at his neck, and you were gifted with the image of his whole face. His dark curls fell gracefully over his forehead and you noticed a slight sheen of sweat. Had he run here? What could he possibly want from you that was so urgent?

“Hello? Anyone home?” He asked. It took you a moment to realise he had just cracked a joke. Regaining your composure, you retort, “What the fuck do you want?” If he was hurt by your outburst, it certainly didn’t show.

“Look, before you say anything, please hear me out, okay?” He asked softly, taking a step towards you. Instinctively, you backed away. There was something different about him but you couldn’t place a finger on what it was exactly. His gaze on you felt stronger than ever, and he had a determined glint in his eyes that you had never seen before. You also noticed his posture. His shoulders were rolled back and he stood tall and proud, like he was so sure of himself. Whatever the source of his newfound confidence was, it made your heart hurt a little bit. You had been an absolute mess after the break up, while he had clearly been thriving.

“Sure. Whatever. Spit it out.”

“I love you, and I’m sorry for being such a jerk. I know I should have said this much earlier but I didn’t want you to think I was being insincere. I had to do something to prove to you how serious I was being,” He started, a small smile creeping on his face. You stared at him blankly, not understanding where this was going.

“Are you proposing…? Because I will say no!” You blurt out, panicking slightly. He blinked at you a couple times, obviously puzzled by your outburst. Then, he laughed. A full blown chortle. It was a rare Sakusa laugh that you had only witnessed a couple times before. With a big, bright smile, he shook his head and responded, “No, dumbass. I’ve been seeing a therapist.” The revelation was shocking, to say the least. But, before you could interrupt, he continued.

“When you left after our argument I realised how much I had been taking you for granted. I’m not good with expressing myself but I knew enough to realise that you’re the best damn thing that could have ever happened to me. You see, I knew this for a long time, I just don't know how to tell you. I don’t like people and I find relationships exhausting but with you, for the first time in my life, I want to try harder. I didn’t want to lose you. I spoke to my mother and she offered to take me to see a therapist. She had asked me before but I never felt the need to see one. But after our fight, I realised I had to grow up. I still generally hate people and I still don’t know how to say what I’m feeling. And I sure as hell still hate germs but, I’m willing to work towards getting better. For you. You deserve at least that. If you’re willing to take me back, I’d be lucky to have you with me while I do this.”

He ends his speech with his eyes still looking into yours, as if he was analysing your reaction. He had clearly rehearsed this, you could just tell. It was honestly quite cute and heartwarming because you couldn’t think of any other time Sakusa had tried this hard with you. Your chest swells with affection you had been repressing for the past couple of weeks as you grabbed his shirt and yanked him down to your lips. The kiss was sweet, and a little salty from the tears that escaped your eyes after his little speech. Sakusa wasted no time wrapping his arms around you as he pressed your body closer to him. You had become an expert at reading him since the start of your relationship and you could feel just how much he had missed you from the way he held you during that kiss. Pulling away, he let his hands slide up your arms and cup your face.

“Does this mean you forgive me?” He asks, breathless.

You weren’t an idiot. You knew things were going to be far from peachy. But for him, you were willing to risk the sun and the moon. You tell him this by taking his hands into yours and leaning up for another kiss.

#haikyuu x reader #sakusa kiyoomi #sakusa x reader #female reader #angst #fluff #haiku angst

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spinnenpfote6 · 4 years ago

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Hey guys, I just wanted to ask if there are some of my mutuals who suffer from a phobia of germs and dirt as well.

I definitely have one though it hasn’t been properly diagnosed yet. I mean, I have developed weird cleaning rituals, thought processes and I’ve been in multiple fights with my parents because I keep using up our medical disinfectants which I know are necessary - but I can’t stop. I don’t want my mom to hug or kiss or even touch me anymore, solely for the reason that I think of every person as “unclean”, wash my hands a million times a day until they bleed and keep wiping everything clean with disinfectant-soaked baby wipes. Nobody is allowed to touch my belongings or bed or even me without my permission and everything that hasn’t been washed or disinfected is “contaminated”. I love my plushies and big action figures but I keep them in my closet in fear of getting them “dirty” so they don’t really bring me joy anymore. I don’t touch doorknobs or lightswitches without a small piece of napkin anymore. And finally, the most ridiculous thing of all: I can’t even slightly bump against a doorframe without feeling the urge to clean my shoulder afterwards. And this is just the tip of the iceberg.

I’m literally like that overly clean person comedies make fun of. I know I must sound like an absolute nutcase to you while you’re reading this and reading this myself - I can’t blame you. If I saw a person acting like me on TV, I’d laugh about them.

This whole problem started about 6 years ago and built up veeeery slowly. I can’t quite remember but I think it started out with me thinking about wanting stuff to be “cleaner” and only putting on freshly washed clothes. We were always a tiny bit “cleaner” of a family because of my illness, but only to a rather insignificant amount. To be honest, I can’t even for the love of me connect my old mindset to my new mindset. Why wasn’t I grossed out by this stuff back then? How was my thought process different? But honestly, it literally feels like someone pulled a switch in my brain between for and after I was about 14 years old. So I can’t put my finger on what went wrong in my head during that time. Now I’m just so insanely grossed out by so much stuff that I feel like I’m going insane if I don’t “clean” them. No one understands my “confusing procedures”, as my mother put it, but they seem perfectly calculated and reasonable to me. In contrast to other germaphobes though, I never have the urge to clean myself too long to get rid of all the germs, like washing hands for 10 minutes or something. I just need a short wash and everything is fine, but I need it.

Now, with these mental problems I have noticed certain rocky relationship days with my parents (they are surprisingly understanding but also think that it’s unhealthy behaviour and that I’m overreacting and just stop - you must know that we are very close) and that I frequently have extremly depressive episodes for a few hours which keep coming back very quickly almost every day. It’s all definitely causing me quite a lot of distress sometimes: I think of preparing “cleaning routines” quite a lot over the day. There was one day - well over a year ago - where we were running out of disinfectant where I was literally awake for hours at night, heart racing, shaking and crying while trying to think of a way to get new bottles without my parents noticing.

The worst thing is that due to everything seeming “contaminated” I don’t have such a good relationship with my pets as I wish I had. I don’t want my cats - Waylon and Ygor - to touch me at all. There was one time where I almost kicked Waylon away in a sudden fit of disgust and anger because he touched my leg. What’s even worse are those extremely aggressive thoughts I sometimes have against my pets when stuff like this happens. I literally thought about grabbing my cat and kicking harshly him or choking him or breaking his neck or something like that - just for a second. And honestly, I was horrified and ashamed by having these thoughts. It’s not the first time either, I know I have the same kind of bad thoughts after a failure of mine with mostly a fight attached and realizing this genuinely made me believe that my mental illness is turning me into a monster, despite having never laid a finger on one of my pets. I don’t think I’ve ever properly talked about this with anyone except maybe my mother but I was too ashamed of telling her the whole thing. After having done some research I now know that apparantly, my mind is using violent fantasies to cope because it doesn’t know how to handle distress and intense negative feelings overall.

Now, of course I want to get this problem treated as soon as possible. I’ve tried in the past (i.e. last year) but my therapist was - despite being nice - still very young and seemingly unprepared/unsure/insecure and paired by the fact that I didn’t want to have a group appointment discussing my feelings and behaviour with my parents immidiately, she basically told me that she couldn’t treat me because I “didn’t cooperate” and “didn’t suffer enough” from this germaphobia. Oh well. She didn’t say it in a mean way, but I was a quite disappointed for sure. Then the pandemic started and I had to stop therapy all together anyway. Since my chronic illness is causing the virus to be extremely dangerous to me, I haven’t been able to start a therapy yet, but I’ve been searching for good therapists and reading about my symptoms, hoping that the pandemic will eventually come to an end and I’ll get a good vaccine soon. I’ve tried to stop or tone my behaviour down a few times over the years but I always end up falling back after a while, despite it somehow working. To be honest, I’m very scared of a full therapy but I know that without therapy, this phobia will keep dragging me down. Even if my family thinks that it’s “not so bad” and “just a phase”.

Stuff like this is also why I hearing rumors that Adam Driver might have anxiety comforted me in a weird way. Of course I want him to be well, but thinking that this guy whom I love for his performance as Kylo Ren, a famous Hollywood actor, is a normal dude who might have seemingly “dumb” symptoms of mental health issues as well which are making his life more difficult - just like mine - is kinda comforting. Like I’m not alone with this. You know what I mean?

I’m sharing this story because I wanna know if there are people with similar feelings and/or experiences to connect with them and to spread some awareness. Maybe some of you know coping mechanisms or first steps for a sort of self-therapy? If I’m able to help just one other person with sharing this, that they are not alone or that others have weird mental health problems too, it would already be awesome enough.

Thanks for taking the time to read about my experiences!

I love y’all!

Shiny over and out

(Btw sorry for mistakes - I’m German and it’s already 3 a.m. and writing this made me cry at times since this is a very difficult topic for me. But I had to get this off my chest so badly)

#my thoughts #personal problems #mental health #mental illness #germaphobe #germaphobia

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a-walk-in-silver-rain · 3 years ago

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Hello! So I saw that this account was fairly new and while I was scrolling through matchups I found your account and decided why not? So if it's alright with you, may I request an Obey Me Match-up?

My name is Nox or Ohjuu, afab Agender (he/it/they pronouns), 5'7 feet, has short, fluffy red hair, and my body type is muscular with fluff (pretty thicc in the thighs but shhhhhh insecurities-). My signs are Capricorn (Sun), Gemini (Moon), and Cancer (Rising); my MBTI type is ESTJ / ISTJ and my personality type is 6w5. Just to add a lil tidbit my clothing aesthetic is grudge/flannel/depressed artist/skater boi if that makes any sense? Giving love language is 1, gift giving 2, acts of service, 3 physical touch (all depends on partner.) Receiving love language is 1, Physical Touch and Words of Affrimation (these two are at a tie) 2, Acts of service 3, Quality Time.

Describing my personality may be kinda tough because it always changes depending who I'm around with and everyone will have a different opinion of me no matter what I do. But I would like to think I'm open minded, empathetic, caring, generous, serious and quite, at least that's what I think and I'm usuallythe mom/quite/therapist friend, I should probably mention that despite this not many people come near or even talk to me, probablybecauseof my resting bitch face, but peopleusuallyleave me be, which is good in some cases. Though those are the basic points to myself, however I can't just ignore my bad qualities either, I'm quick to anger depending on the situation, I'll stand up for others but i won't stand up/will take the blame for myself, I'm self sacrificing (I heard told I do that but I just mainly do it on command, to my I do it because it's my way of proving that I care for someone or that I would rather get hurt myself rather than them), I have little to no confidence in myself albeit I actually try to stay that way, and I'm a bit self depreciating....a lot (though that's in private or I make jokes about it-)Though even though I am like this, for self depreciation, and opiate mindset is what I need (Me = self depreciating, Partner = hopefully not the same). And I feel a bit of a cluster fuck when it comes to me or my personality (having wrath actually kinda makes me feel worse because I kind have trauma over people with wrath and knowing I have it makes me feel horrible.)

Hobbies? Well I don't have many but when I'm not on burnout I really like to draw a lot, it helps especially when I need to vent out something (seeing art that was drawn out of sadness or anger you can tell and it's kinda creepy how it does that.) Also coaplay is a favorite pass time as well! Though I don't do it too often, but when I do it's really fun! And finally in 3rd place I have gaming, I wouldn't really call myself a gamer but there are a couple games that peak my interest (Genshin Impact, Pokémon, Hallow Knight are some.) Honorable mentions are Hiking/Walking (I actually mean that), watching some shows/anime, and idk daydreaming I guess?

I should probably mention a few things like interests that hasn't already been mentioned in hobbies. I like to cook, I think I'm a pretty good cook, so I do it, I mostly do savory stuff and I usually like the food spicy though usually my friends/family can't really handle something more than mild, which makes me sad. I actually have an interest in animal science and I hope to become a veterinarian or at least someone that works with animals and if we're talk about animals, dogs or cats? I have to pick both (though exceptoon if the dog is big, I love big dogs), but I really can't choose, but if I get a third option I choose snakes. I use to have an instrest in poetry, but I'm stoped for a bit because not many people like dark poetry (I never really write lighthearted poetry because it always end up being dark even without me trying-.)

Quirks? Not a BNHA reference but I should mention some more things about myself, I'm sensitive to light and crowds, the light makes my eyes hurt and kinda faint and crowds just get me worked up and my flight responses kinda kick in (I usually try to keep my room as dark as possible and secluded because of this.) I kinda have poor memory, and sometimes I remember stuff and sometimes I don't, I have some tics that don't appear too often but when they do I usually make a hissing sound, a weird vocal sound, and with that comes some kind if head twitch, I can control it better in public but some of it slips and it's quite embarrassing. I WILL go into flight or fight mode if I'm being yelled or scolded at or if I hear yelling in general, depending on who it is I go with flight but I will go fight if needed, not only can't I not stand the loudness or tone but I usually don't need people criticizing, scolding, or hating me when I can perfectly do it myself. I shouldalso mention I'mtired almost all the time, even when I sleep well, I just feel sluggish a lot and I just wish I could sleep but I really don't like it because I know I need to get work done but motivation is coming slow these days. Finally umm....also as a defense or regular manurism I hiss and growl, kinda like a cat and/or wolf, usually confuses people enough for me to get away in situations but I sometimes like to do it when I'm angry or when to fuck with people.

And uhhhh yeah that's it from me! I really really really hope this wasn't too much information or if I wrote something down that was triggering OR that I was being a but too self depreciating. Anyways I really hope you have a good day!!

Hiya! Thanks for sending in a request! And don't worry about it you didn't write too much! I hope you have a lovely day/night too! (^_^)

I'd match you with...

Mammon

I think that you and Mammon would work really well together since you've added that your love language for giving is acts of service and physical touch which Mammon is definitely touch starved. And even just small things like touching his shoulder while talking to him or to get his attention would make him a bit happier. As for the acts of service, Mammon is normally the one asking for things like if he needs help with studying. Having some just do something for him or ask instead of him vouln-telling someone to help would kinda confuse him though he'd be happy.

Mammon being Mammon is a tsundere, this means you'll likely be spending a lot of time around him while he says he there because he could tell you wanted him around or something like that. He'd try to help you where he can and do little things he notices, and although he's not the best with words he'd try his hardest to comfort you.

Being the mom/therapist friend would definitely come in handy when with Mammon since he's not great with keeping his impulses and strange schemes in check. Mammon could use someone to just talk to about his feeling and the bullying of his brothers. Being able to have someone who cook would definitely help his eating habits since he eats a lot of cup ramen (I remember something say that in game) since he’s not to great of a chef himself.

I feel like Mammon would be so soft for you, he'd be absolutely terrible at hiding but he'd try in public and in front of his brothers. Mammon's happy watching you cosplay or draw. He might request you try and show him how to do it cause it can't be that hard right? But he'd definitely try and play some of the games you play and suggest some you two might be able to play together. He would definitely get confused by Genshin and how much stuff there is to keep track of. He'd most likely just follow you around trying to help you kill stuff.

I can’t imagine see Mammon not liking any of your pet preferences since I feel like he like dogs more but would totally be chill with a cat. I think you might scare Mammon with you poetry depending on how dark you write each particular piece. He’d be supportive but just don’t read them to him before bed.

The biggest problem with being with Mammon is how loud he can get, he doesn’t really notice when he does so you’ll probably have to bring it to his attention if you want him to quite down. If he ever saw or sensed that you were starting to go into your flight response when in a public area he’d pull you into him or pick you up and run off to a much more secluded area. Lastly there’s no way he’d really mind your ticks and your quirks he might question it a bit at first but if you just explain it he be fine, still might not get it but won’t really question it further.

Thank you so much for the matchup! I hope you liked it! Any feedback would be great!

#obey me #obey me matchups #obey me mammon #matchups #Ohjuu/Nox

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shimzus-a · 4 years ago

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SOU AND KIYOKO !!!! :o

PRE-RELATIONSHIP

how did they first meet ? : hm. maybe in a sports shop ? that would be the cute option, but i might also raise you in a hospital, getting simple wellness check-ups for shoulder pain / leg cramping ( if she started running again ). she wouldn’t need any sort of rehabilitation, but i think she’s cautious enough to go get a check-up before she starts to make sure that she won’t wear herself out after a period of not competitively running.

what was their first impression of each other ? : they might have thought each other attractive at first, but more so as a fleeting thought than anything really impactful to drive the start of their relationship. a look over and think, “ oh. they’re cute ” before moving back to their own business. beyond that, i think kiyoko would admire sousuke’s mental fortitude & sturdiness, & he might appreciate her attention to detail & unique way of looking at situations.

did any of their friends or family want them to get together ? : i don’t think their family would’ve known each other. friend-wise as well, i don’t think there’d be much overlap ... so no.

who felt romantic feelings first ? : maybe sousuke ? kiyoko is slow to grow to affection, & even when she does, she doubly needs time to consider her emotions before she ever decides to act on them. i think that she would probably consider herself “interested” in him for a long time before she ever decided they were “romantic feelings.”

did either of them try to resist their feelings ? : nope baby. i feel like both are firm in their resolve & wouldn’t find any reason to go back on their feelings, other than if they felt that it wasn’t the right time or the circumstances ( distance / availability / etc. ) weren’t appropriate. maybe they had those sorts of doubts but worked through them independently first ...

if you had told one of them that the other would be their soulmate, what would they think ? : i don’t feel like either believes in soulmates. they might brush it off. i also know for a fact that kiyoko prefers to keep her relationships private, so i think she’d be deterred by anyone poking into her love life & telling her that x person or y person was meant for her.

what would their lives be like if they had never met ? : probably fine, tbh. both are reasonable people, & i think that even if they were just friends & decidedly nothing more, they’d do well.

GENERAL

who initiated the relationship, and how did it go ? : kiyoko. like this, apparently.

did they have an official first date ? if so, what was it like ? : sure ? maybe after they confirmed that they would start dating, the first date could come into play. kiyoko would like something ... almost “everyday-like,” that doesn’t really have to feel like a date. visiting a festival, even going for a walk, or going to each other’s sporting events ... she likes that.

what was their first kiss like ? : wouldn’t you like to know ;) basically ... lowkey. simple & sweet, like an offhanded kiss that one might not have been expecting ( like doing dishes & just leaning over for a peck ). something along those lines ... unassuming, quiet, but powerful in its own right.

were they each other’s first anything ( kiss, relationship, etc. ) ? : i can’t speak for sousuke, but he would probably be her first kiss & relationship.

what’s their height difference ? age difference ? : he’s like ... 6 1/2 inches taller than her ? same age, though ( i think he may be older by a few months ).

what’s their relationship with each other’s families ? : good ! they like each other :3 i hope. kiyoko’s family would treat sousuke very well, albeit because they’re a bit more traditional they would still be a respectful emotional distance away. they’d want to meet him for special dinners & small family events, but there would be no pressure to try to “befriend” him or anything. they know he’s respectable & mature, so they like him.

who takes the lead in social situations ? : sousuke. kiyoko is an observer by nature, but i think he’s more socially perceptive & outwardly engaging, even if he tends to be more quiet. both are reserved, but i think he would be able to handle social situations a bit more naturally than her.

who gets jealous easier ? : BOTH. sousuke might be more outwardly jealous while kiyoko is more passively jealous. he has a threatening aura, whereas kiyoko is probably more thoughtful about how she chooses to respond ... & she holds it in until she can work it out justifiably.

who whispers inappropriate things in the other’s ear ? : sousuke O_O

LOVE

who said “i love you” first ? : kiyoko. completely out of no where, as well. but much like she asked him to start dating, she had probably thought about it beforehand & realized she wanted to do it ... so the timing didn’t necessarily matter so much as her saying it did.

what are their primary love languages ? : kiyoko’s is acts of service, & i think sousuke’s might be quality time ? it would probably lead them to do productive work together & both feel satisfied, like cooking or running or something ?

who uses cheesy pick-up lines ? : i think if anyone would, it would be sousuke to try getting a reaction from her. but probably not very often.

how often do they cuddle/engage in PDA ? : kiyoko isn’t a big fan of pda, other than hand holding. so in public, it might be limited depending on the circumstances. in private, though, she might be a bit more physical where she deems appropriate. in general, though, i feel like they’re a more verbal / environmental couple than physical ( i.e. if they’re physically close they don’t necessarily need to be touching or cuddling ).

who initiates kisses ? : both ! kiyoko likes to ask a lot of the time first, though.

who’s the big and little spoon ? : sousuke big spoon >.<

what are their favorite things to do together ? : see #2. small activities that are productive i could see working best for them. i think they’d be down to do more, though ?

who’s better at comforting the other ? : kiyoko. she’s spent a lot of time observing her team, so she approaches problems with a critical outsider lens, & i think that being a manager has taught her to mature in a lot of ways that sousuke might not have learned as an athlete who feels very invested & “present” in his sports. while he’s engaged directly, she watches & provides commentary ... so i think that helps her out with framing her words of comfort.

who’s more protective ? : sousuke. he gotta be.

do they prefer verbal or physical affection ? : verbal ! but physical closeness is also very nice, even if they aren’t being traditionally physically affectionate with one another :3

what are some songs that apply to their relationship, in-universe or otherwise ? : mio - spangle call lilli line [ lyrics ], 冬夜のマジック - indigo la end [ lyrics ]

what kind of nicknames do they call each other ? : kiyo-chan ... ? & she probably calls him yamazaki for the longest time before she ever tries to test out sousuke. it would take even longer for her to try calling him something like sou ... so maybe just sousuke for a while.

who remembers the little things ? : both :3

DOMESTIC LIFE

if they get married, who proposes ? : sousuke. kiyoko is pretty traditional, although i think she would want to talk about it together first & at least convey her interest in the idea. she doesn’t need anything big, though. in fact, she’d probably prefer a simple proposal after they talk about it together ...

what’s the wedding like ? who attends ? : small, traditional. close friends & family are invited, of course, but it’s not a loud or obvious ceremony.

how many kids do they have, if any ? what are they like ? : maybe one ? i think they’d do well with an only child. really good, virtuous kid. class president type.

do they have any pets ? : she wants a pair of java sparrows. she encourages naming them after obnoxious people from their high school. please entertain her on this, sousuke.

who’s the stricter parent ? : depends. i think sousuke might be stricter with being a well-disciplined student / athlete, while kiyoko is stricter about behavior in public. he probably cares about their child’s mindset while she cares about etiquette.

who worries the most ? : .......... kiyoko. she doesn’t let it show, but sometimes sousuke might catch her very focused in thought with her eyebrows pinched up, nitpicking over something.

who kills the bugs in the house ? : i don’t know about sousuke, but kiyoko can sweep them outside without killing them. she wouldn’t tell him, either. just swish swish & send it out.

how do they celebrate holidays ? : small. quiet. together. i could also see them going to hang out with friends on the holidays since i think they’d easily be prone to not ... socialize ... so it might be good for them to go to close friends’ parties & spend time with people they care about in their circles.

who’s more likely to convince the other to come back to sleep in the morning ? : sousuke seems like a morning cuddler ... or at least the type of person who just wants to be in bed together, looking at each other, taking it in & savoring the moment quietly. kiyoko likes to get up & go to work quickly because she’s a morning person :/

who’s the better cook ? : kiyoko ! she spent a lot of time cooking for the volleyball team, so she has lots of experience up her sleeve.

who likes to dance ? : sousuke ... ? i think he’s more cognizant of his body & how to move it, since kiyoko struggled with hurdles but he was able to pinpoint how his shoulder was feeling ( also because ... he’s a swimmer & that takes a lot of body ability beyond just the core ).

SHIP QUESTIONS.

#hanyogod #not me spending WAY too much time on this meme #correct me on any of these i did not expect this to actually happen LJGSKdl

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killersolo · 4 years ago

Text

OC ask games but instead if reblogging the asks I answer them myself for Eugene's development

put under a read more cause this is....long [also i couldnt answer all questions oops]

dnd character ask meme by gendermybeloved

what kind of clothing does your character like to wear? do they have a style? anything they avoid wearing? Eugene wears button ups, a lot, with funky little patterns on them. Usually they are blue, turquoise, green and pink. He usually just wears blue denim pants, however if his shirt is blue he tries to avoid wearing blue pants under them. As for shoes he just wears, usually white, sneakers.

what's their current hairstyle? has it changed? do they change it often? Eugene's hair is short, but the long kind of short. He usually wears it with a small crest, but sometimes he lets it down too. During Mann Co. it was a lot shorter because Soldier demanded they'd all keep their hair short. In his mid-teens [15-16] he started off with a bit of a mullet that eventually grew into longer hair that he'd keep in place with a headband, [think Your Worst Nightmare kind of long] he cut it off at around 17.

is your character more articulate in their thoughts than their words? if yes, do they do anything about that? do they care? Eugene is more articulate in his thoughts, he tends to have very rambled thoughts that make sense to him but when he has to out those words it can be a little chaotic/rambly as well. But if he has to prepare text it comes out a lot more structured. He doesn't do anything about it cause he enjoys being a little chaotic like that.

would your character sing along to a vaguely familiar song, even if they messed up the lyrics as they went? No, Eugene will only sing along if he knows the words. If a song is vaguely familiar he'll only hum along with it.

if they wear any, how does your character go about applying makeup? Eugene doesn't wear makeup.

do they usually sleep in a certain pose? does it change? Fetal position is the go to but not a necessity when sleeping.

how would they react to eating something that was spicier than they expected it to be? Tears would form in his eyes and he'd cough a little but he's too stubborn to admit he can't handle it/it's too spicy.

are their hands steady? Yes, absolutely. Thanks to sniper training they got steadier than before.

if someone gave them flowers, what would they do with them? He'd be very confused. Eventually he'll accept them but it's very uncomfortable and awkward for him. If something like this [affection and/or something so confronting and unexpected] happens to him he'll be the type to say no out of discomfort even though he'd want to say yes.

would they sneak out at night to look at the sky? how long would they stay there looking? Absolutely, he'd use his dogs as an excuse to go outside and he'd just stay there for as long as he or his dogs like.

how do they feel about casual endearments? (babe, etc) Uncomfortable, he'd need to get used to them a lot.

what colour would they paint their room? would there be a design on the ceiling? He'd be too undecisive to choose colours or patterns. On the ceiling there are those green and purple glow in the dark stickers.

what helps them fall asleep when they're having trouble doing so? ASMR or watching those YouTube documentaries.

do they tend to run hot or cold? do they do anything to deal with that? xx I'm not sure what this question means

what's a sound they can't stand? The sound [and sight] of people eating.

would they draw patterns in frosted windows/fogged up mirrors? what would they draw? He'd draw smiley faces and dogs [and male genitalia when it's appropriate.]

do they fidget? how and/or with what? A lot! He has multiple fidget. He scratches his neck a lot, he scratches his thumbs a lot too, and he rubs his knuckles over his chest sometimes [ this also because of the scar itching].

would they sing a lullaby, if the opportunity arose? Nah, not a fan of lullabies.

do they see patterns in the world around them? do they point them out to people? All the time, but he barely points them out because more often than not people look at him weird for either not seeing the pattern or confusion.

do they like to keep plants/growing things in their space? His favourites are cacti and succulents, though most of them are fake because he forgets to take care of them a lot.

do they touch or mess with their hair/horns a lot? Usually only the hair on his neck thanks to his neck scratches, and a hand through his hair once in a while but that's it.

when they speak, do they have a default tone of voice? if yes, do they try to change it? why?

do they wrap their arms around their stomach when it hurts?

what kind of bookmarks, if any, do they like to use? No bookmarks, only memory. When it's a book they read in class, he uses colour coded sticky bookmarks for discussions in class.

do they keep books on their person? what kind? Only when he needs to bring them to his job, or when he plans on reading them [for example on a long train ride].

do they write in their books? do they mind other people writing in their books? what do they write? Yes, he writes in his books mainly for things he notices or for discussion points in class [like foreshadowing or patterns or smth similar]

do they write often? why/what about? Not really, Eugene sometimes tries to write down what he feels, because he has troubles expressing emotion and he hopes it may help him.

if they can fly, how do they feel in the moment their feet touch the ground again? n/a

if they wear any, where did they get their jewellery? He has matching sword necklaces with Demoman, but he only rarely wears it. He doesn't like jewellery too much as it feels bothersome to him.

have they ever tried to count their own freckles? do they count other people's? n/a, no freckles.

did they climb all over/onto things as a kid? Only in trees.

can they play darts? would they? He can easily play, and win, darts thanks to his aim as an ex-sniper but he doesn't because he just thinks it boring.

where are they in a group hug? (dead center, outside, etc) Nowhere, group hugs are too overwhelming [too much touching]

what's the first thing they think when they hear an alarm? what's the first thing they do? His ears perk up and he looks around to try and figure out what is going on.

do they sing with their head voice or their chest voice? Chest voice

(if they have hair that needs to be brushed) how often do they do so? do they do it gently? n/a

how would they pass the time on a train? Either reading, listening to music or playing puzzle games [like picross or I Love Hue].

do they bother to clean ink/chalk/gunpowder/etc off of their fingers? are they likely to forget it's there and smudge their nose? im not sure how to answer this one

do they keep working even when their wrists start to cramp? if they do, do they give themselves a break when the work is done? He does keep working because, once he's started something and is in the right mindset he doesn't want to stop and once again he's too stubborn to stop as well.

if their mattress became uncomfortable as time passed, would they notice it? would they do anything about it? He wouldn't notice because he already gets barely any sleep anyway.

20 assorted OC asks by pieniharmaakani

Why did you pick their name? I blame Eugene from Animal Crossing.

Why did your character get that name in-universe? I haven't thought about this yet tbh.

How do they talk in a formal situation?

How do they talk with close people?

If they got a tattoo, what kind? If they have tattoos, what would their next one be? He's got an aboriginal kangaroo tattoo on his upper right arm/shoulder. A crocodile tattoo from his lower back to his stomach, and a snake tattoo from his knee, going around his leg and ending at his foot/ankle. For his next tattoo he maybe wants something small on his hip or collarbone, but he isn't sure what.

Alpine skiing, cross-country skiing, downhill tobogganing/sledding, or ice skating? Ice skating, as it's most similar to roller-skating.

Their 2020s AU quarantine craft of choice? Music, and trying to cook but failing poorly.

Which era of historical fashion do you think would fit them?

What's their most annoying trait? His stubbornness and struggle to let go [inflexibility].

What makes them nice to be around?

What do they look for first in another person?

What do other people often notice first in them?

Their cliche YA novel scent combo? (Like 'X smelled like rhododendron and dewdrops and the pages of a 100-year-old library book 😩')

Good or bad at math? Bad/average.

Likes studying languages, yes or no? Yes!

Kitchen catastrophe or gourmet home cook? Catastrophe

What's their breakfast like? Boring, just the regular cereal with milk, and if he's late just the nearest thing he can get his hands on.

Do they have a favourite accessory / item of clothing? If yes, why that? Nope not at all.

What cute thing were they into as a tween that they cringe about now? (Let them know I love it!)

What kind of people are their type that they find most attractive? (Either platonic, romantic or sexual attraction.)

Oc Asks Game by inky-duchess

What is your character's reaction to a minor inconvenience? Such as getting their jumper caught on a door handle? Normally he wouldn't mind but when he's having a bad day he'd lose his mind.

Tea, coffee, hot chocolate or other? Tea is the usual hot drink! The other two only in specific situations.

What does their safe space look like?

What do they consider to be an unforgivable action? Why?

Do they have any nicknames or pet names or other aliases?

What kind of books comfort them? What books help them heal after a hard day?

Are they a naturally assertive person or are they painfully shy? Usually a bit assertive but when a situation is unfamiliar he can be a bit taken aback/shy, but he can adapt quite quickly.

Do they consider themselves a friendly person or aloof? He considers himself friendly, but he can come across a bit aloof at certain times.

What is your character's trigger point? What makes them angry, sad or makes them go off?

What kind of jokes make them laugh?

Do they enjoy pranks or do they hate them? Are they likely to fall for a prank? If the prank is harmless he enjoys them. He falls for pranks a lot because of his obliviousness/naiveté/whatever that thing that autistic people have is called.

Are they an overall healthy person? Do they make for a good patient or a terror?

Describe your character's typical wardrobe for the regular day. Button up, jeans and sneakers.

Are they a simple person to please or difficult?

What is the first thing people notice about them?

What do they look for in a friend? A love interest?

Who are they soft for? Do they find being soft easy or difficult?

Describe your character through a Brooklyn 99 gif or line.

What does your character consider to be their lowest point?

Does your character have a comfort item?

What would be one item that they would hate to lose most?

What are their eating habits like? Do they snack throughout the day? Or do they eat sparsely? Sparsely, he forgets to eat quite a lot and even when he does it's not really enjoyable.

What is your character's favourite food and who cooks it best?

What are your character's special skills?

What are somethings they find difficult to do? Or say?

Are they an animal person? Do they have pets? Eugene loves animals more than anything in the world, he absolutely melts at them. He's got 2 dogs himself as well.

What are their opinions on children? Do they view children as sweet angels or evil crotch goblins? He really doesn't like kids,,,at all. He doesn't want kids either.

If your character was in today's world, what social media platforms would they avoid? Or be prominent on? He'd try to avoid facebook, instagram and twitter, though he would post to instagram or twitter just once in a while. He uses discord for friends and even 1 class for the pandemic. WhatsApp is used mainly for contact.

Are they an organised person? Or more laissez-faire? It's organised chaos. He's got everything organized but only in a way that he knows where everything is.

Do they dwell better in chaotic situations or more linear situations? Linear

Your character has been invited to a masquerade ball. What mask do they wear?

Your character is having a prom night/debs. What kind of outfit do they wear?

How do they act around people they don't know? Are they shy around strangers or dismissive of them?

Can your character drive? If so, what kind of driver are they? If not what's their preferred manner of transport? He can drive just fine, he's a very relaxed driver but can't focus when other people in the car talk too much.

What attracts your character to another person? What kind of person do they do for?

Tell us something about your OC that doesn't make it onto the page? He's got quite the bit of trauma/ptsd. The reason I haven't talked about this yet is because I'm not sure how to write it accurately, yet.

Your character has been kidnapped. Who has kidnapped them and how do they escape?

How does your character unwind after a long day?

What's your character's guilty pleasure?

Your character's friend has just been mugged. What's their reaction?

Your character has been punched into the face. What's their reaction? He's not a huge fan of violent/physical confrontations, so he'd just get angry with whoever punched them. If they punch a second time, Eugene will gladly return it.

Does your character celebrate their birthday? If not, why? Yeah

What is the DND alignment? Chaotic Neutral

Hogwarts House?

Star Sign? Leo

Does your character believe in anything? Religion? Superstition? He's neutral on it, but he find it fascinating and interesting to talk about.

What is your character's reaction when someone does something nice for them? Discomfort.

Is your character easy to make cry? Or angry? Or annoyed? Not angry or annoyed but frustrated.

What is your character's biggest fear? Most irrational? Being forgotten.

How does your sleep at night? Are they a heavy or light sleeper? Do they dream or have nightmares? Do they find it easy to sleep or are they more a night owl? He's more of a night owl, but when he sleeps he does have nightmares quite often. He only sleeps when he's completely exhausted.

#out of classes #headcanons #//just wanted to do this for fun #:D

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