#I think part of writing is accepting you're always gonna hate it a little bit

[antiyourwokehomophobia2]

Something that makes me feel good about my writing is the fact that there are stories out there that I do not see the appeal of that do MASSIVELY well anyway. Like star wars. I have only ever had the vaguest interest in star wars. I watched the first movie about 4 years ago for the very first time and honestly don't remember anything about it now. Couldn't care less. Obviously star wars is still successful. Love it or hate it, 50 shades of Grey was a hit that left the author with loads of money. Do I see the appeal? No. That doesn't change the fact it was extremely popular. I tried MULTIPLE times to get into "the last of us" gameplay and could not hack it. I must have tried at least 4 times. I got extremely bored. But the last of us is so beloved that it even led to a beloved TV show (something notoriously hard for games-turned-shows to do). There are so many stories out there that do not catch my eye or that don't effect my heart in any way shape or form and yet people STILL love them to bits. So even if I think my stories are shit, clearly me classifying something as shit does not stop it from being loved by others. Even shitty stories can touch hearts and that's one of the few motivations that I keep recycling.

[amoeganism]

PROJECT PARTER HCS (he wants you so bad) haikyuu

ft: aran, kita, atsumu, osamu, suna

ATSUMU:

HES TRYING!!! but is it successful? (no)

literally cannot shut up the entire time you two meet up but it's ok because he's funny

"hey you wanna see pictures of my teammates" "yeah sure" he pulls out a blurry .5 of suna's nostrils

offers you protein bars and osamus leftovers as snacks

compliments you on literally everything

you wrote two words? he starts cheering and clapping his hands like you're shakespeare presenting a new play

loves pretending to be your strict teacher whenever commenting on your work

makes up for his lack of preparation by making you laugh and flustered

"i think you can add a little more to this part" "you look so sexy calling me dumb"

if you two meet up at a cafe he ALWAYS!!! pays for you

started off as a mistake because he asked you for your order in front of the barista

but he thought for a moment and decided you're worth an extra $5 out of his wallet

always loses his pencils but has dozens of erasers?????

SWEARS by wooden pencils. he sees a mechanical pencil and jumps 5 feet into the air and starts screaming

last few days of the project he looks constipated every time you two are together

"do you need a diaper" "I WANT YOU"

you accept his confession because you unfortunately like him back and because you want a good grade

also because you don't want him pooping his pants

ARAN:

the sweetest!!

always asks how you're doing before pulling out his notes

digital note taker 100%

loves loves loves writing with erasable pen and only uses pencils for exams

is a "let's work on everything together" kinds guy

he says it's to make sure there aren't any disagreements in content and aesthetic (he just wants to talk to you)

if you guys aren't at your house, always offers to walk you back!!!

great academically but if you're making a poster or slideshow do NOT let him decorate it... pls watch out

"does this look good!" "i'm gonna hold your hand when i tell you this..." "omg you want to hold my hand 😍"

starts giggling to himself in his head whenever you guys accidentally touch

you catch him staring at you one day and you don't know what to say so you just stare back

he thinks its so romantic

you're just confused but go along with it

after presentations you think you guys are gonna go back to being friendly classmates but he finds you after class and asks you out :)

KITA:

ACADEMIC WEAPON TEACHERS FAV EVERYONE LOVES HIM

"do you want to read my notes?" he pulls out 5 notebooks with everything color coordinated, sticky tabs, perfect handwriting, and factually correct

he can sit and work for 5 hours straight and still somehow have perfect posture

first time you asked him for help on something you were about to piss yourself because you thought he would call you stupid and send you to hell

he gave you a small smile and started walking you through it with an unmatched level of patience

that was the moment you folded and had to physically restrain yourself from grabbing his cheeks and kissing his face

always offers you tea when you come over and brings out a small tray of snacks

"are you comfortable? do you need any help?"

is suuuuper meticulous but kind with his 739273 different corrections

he swears by the sandwich method of compliment-critique-compliment

"your analysis is amazing in this section but i think you can expand a little bit after because..."

you're the one who confessed first because you thought you would explode from cuteness aggression if you didn't

and also because you thought even if he did reject you, he'd do it in the most painless way

was super happy and bursted into a bright red face but shy smile!!

still told you to go back to the assignment though...

SUNA:

menace i hate him (no i don't)

literally doesn't understand anything that's going on and probably doesn't process what you're saying at first

realizes you're serious about this assignment and forces himself to lock in

asks a BUNCH of questions and jots them down on a google doc

loves to make random conversation when you two are working

actually insane gossiper

nosiest birch you know

allergic to minding his own business that mf has shit on everyone

are you slightly scared of what he has on you? yes. do you still want to hear everything he knows? yes

"i'm taking this info from page 175 of the textbook" "got it, but did you hear that kato is trying to get with his exs best friend??"

leaves notes on your project that are both unserious and encouraging

"omg u are literally einstein"

folds origami when bored

will give you paper cranes, frogs, foxes, and cats whenever you see each other

you discovered that there's small doodles in the posts it's he uses to make them

one day there's your name and his surrounded by hearts like the corny mf he is

confronted him and it and he was just like "oh you found that? well, do you want to go out with me?"

he was NOT SLICK with the way he skipped home and whistled to himself that day after you said yes

OSAMU:

HES TRYING HIS BEST!!! (pt. 2)

can only meet up after school because of volleyball so he offers to cook for you before starting to work

takes notes in class but doesn't understand half the stuff he jots down

writes actual bullshit but half a page in decides to abandon his pride and ask you for help

leans in a little too close whenever listening to what you're saying

tries to make sure your knees are touching and that it's all an accident when your fingers brush (he prepared each scenario in his head before sleeping the night before)

down bad LOSER

spends his time doing his portion of the project while sneaking glances at you

doesn't know how to decorate presentations for the life of him so he is on doodle duty

gives surprisingly good suggestions and takes your corrections to heart

one of the best project partners because of how willing he is to learn and contribute!!! (also because he wants to impress you)

talks shit about his brother to you

atsumu has walked in while osamu was telling you an embarrassing story

they start fighting

osamu gets super embarrassed when you laugh at him

then gets overly confident when you tell him you were rooting for him

will not stop dumb smiling whenever he sees you after that

asks you out after the project is turned in with his hands in his pockets with how they're shaking so much

[rafeysbby]

Please do something with this 💕💕💕

https://www.tumblr.com/rafeysbby/759016076123258880/i-just-rewatched-that-one-clip-of-rafe-snorting-a

cw: 18+ only - mdni, smut, reader receiving oral, drug use, use of petnames

As much as you hated your boyfriend's cocaine addiction, the way he snorts the lines of white powder just got you going. His nose pressed against the surface, his smug grin every time he stood up and wiped his nose after. God it turned you on so much.

One night, you watched him pull the little baggie out from the drawer he kept his boxers in, walking over to the bedside table and laying a line out. You know it's probably weird but you stop him anyway…

“Wait…” you say in an oddly soft tone, Rafe's head swiveling to look in your direction. “No i'm not gonna quit just for you, alright?” he was in a bit of a state, you knew that. You knew that as much as you knew he needed some way to get out all the pent up stress and frustration.

“Rafe you know i wouldn't ask you to do that”. It's true, you knew it was one of the only things that kept him sane most of the time and you were too sweet to tell him to quit doing something that had become such a huge part in his routine. “My thigh… do a line on my thigh-”

His eyes widen at the suggestion. His mind goes haywire at the mere thought of having you spread for him while he snorts that sweet line right off your sweet inner-thigh. 

He says nothing. Absolutely nothing as he straightens himself up and walks over to the bed, where you begin to lay back, propping yourself up on your forearms. “You’d let me do that, princess?” he's clearly turned-on by the thought and you just nod, that soft hum that escapes your lips driving him completely and utterly insane.

he kneels down at the edge of the bed, tugging slightly at the waistband of your pants, “i think we need to lose these, huh?”. Shamelessly, you nod, complying with his every word. He pulls them down quickly, as you lift your hips, sure not to waste any time.

“Spread those pretty little legs for me princess”. His tone exudes an unwavering confidence that sends a shiver up your spine.

As always, you comply. Your ‘pretty little legs’ falling open, flat against the mattress. Rafe doesn't hesitate and he pours a little coke onto your thigh, lining it up perfectly on the smooth skin. He groans happily as he presses his nose onto your thigh.

He inhales the powder, dragging his nose and lips along your thigh. You look down at him in awe and arousal, the sight of him making you incredibly wet. But you notice…

He doesn't stop as the line ends.

Eventually, he reaches the lace edge of your panties, pressing a kiss on your clothed cunt. He chuckles as he lifts his head slightly, “you're so wet already baby girl”. His words alone make you shiver, only serving to the slick you had coated your panties in.

He slides your panties to the side, out of his way as he runs a finger through your sopping folds, bringing it back up for you to see his lubricated finger, “is this what i do t’you, princess?”. You whimper softly and buck your hips up in an attempt to invite him.

He wastes no time in accepting that offer, sucking the slick off of his large digit and immediately burying his face in your pussy, nose pressed firmly on your clit as he pushes his tongue in and out of your tight hole.

He hums at the clearly satisfactory feeling this consumes him with, and with no intention of stopping anytime soon.

And that's how you spent the rest of your evening, Rafe’s face buried deep in your cunt, tongue brutally attacking your hole and your clit, overstimulating you until you're sure your legs won't be working tomorrow.

okay i have not proofread this at all i just know that its 1am and i wrote something!! also thank u baby for the ask!! i enjoyed writing this so much so i hope you like it!!

[jupiter-letters]

Klaus Hargreeves NSFT Headcanons💓

Anon Requested: Clawing at the walls rn. Can you write nsfw Klaus hcs?

A/N: Need to get back into writing again to start the healing process after season 4. I'm seeing some other writers do that now which is really funny and comforting. I've been wanting to do this but I didn't have that drive to do so thanks for the push anon! I'm aware of Klaus' identity as a Genderfluid person, I will be using He/They pronouns for this set of headcanons. Fem! or GN! Reader as always

word count: 634

divider cred || palestine links

now playing: I Wanna Be Yours - Arctic Monkeys

Klaus is very open to most things when it comes to sex, very few things are off the table for him. Having the opportunity to experiment with a partner is a fun experience for the both of you. He teaches you some things and he does the same for you, kinks you never knew you had kind of bubble to the surface.

Wax Play! Klaus introduced you to it in the middle stages of your relationship, he made it known he wasn’t afraid to experiment with a little pain. As long as you weren’t sawing his limbs off to get your rocks off he was fine.The sensation of hot wax on his skin and the soft caress of your fingers brings Klaus such euphoria. He likes to have it dripped on his thighs and his chest. Not so much on his face, anything that involves a little pain he doesn’t want done to his face. 

Being bound in any way is very very hot for them as well. Handcuffs, ropes or clamps, whether it be you or them. He mostly has a preference for being the one tied up, if you’re riding him and his hands are tied to the bedpost, he’ll go crazy. When he's bottoming he'll love it if you tie his hands behind his back. If you use that to grip onto while you fuck him from behind, face pressed in the pillow, he’ll get really loud. 

He lovesss to get pegged, Klaus will alternate between being the biggest brat and being the softest big wet eyed baby in the world. It really depends on how he’s feeling that day whether he’s gonna mouth off to you or not. He just gets sassy to get a reaction out of you but a good way to eradicate that cocky attitude to edge him, Klaus hates when you make him wait to cum. He has such a love-hate relationship with it, it does make anticipation of cumming more exciting. If you do it to him, sometimes he will get revenge later on. He would rather not do it to you cause he loves to give you whatever you want but he is a tease above all. 

He’ll even bring it up while you’re having sex, “Remember that time I backtalked you a tiny bit and you didn’t let me cum for 5 whole minutes babe? Well guess what?” and then he just stops thrusting into you, Klaus will even keep you on the edge of an orgasm for 5 minutes and let you cum after time’s up. “That was torture wasn’t it? I guess it doesn’t feel as good when the shoe’s on the other foot.” 

They have an oral fixation like you wouldn't believe, certified throat goat/munch. Stick your fingers in their mouth and they'll look at you with the nastiest whorish eyes. Anything you wanna put in Klaus' mouth they'll accept it happily, except maybe a gun that might be too much. If you're the one recieving Klaus will have some part of you in their mouth, an earlobe, a nipple or your cheek. It doesn't matter, they want to get as close as possible.

When Klaus goes down on you he's literally kicking his feet while he does it, no joke. He's so excited to be the one that makes you feel good, sex is always filled with giggles and smiles.

Aftercare is usually very quiet and intimate after a night of fun, you just sit in silence in each other's arms. You're both wound up tight in each other's arms, skin still covered in sweat. Klaus will pull you with him into the bathroom eventually so you both can get clean. After a nice shower you both end up playing monopoly or cooking something in your kitchen.

Thanks for reading! Lemme know what you think. Please like or reblog if you like my stuff.

[yoyokslut]

Better man. (Sequel of you're losing me)

Pedri x reader.

Word count: 3444 words.

a/n: I know this took forever but I didn't have the inspiration to write it but one night I was listening to better man and everything clicked. Hope you like it :)

12 am and you were still awake... Again, this was the third night in a row. Since what happened at Pedri's was haunting you and replaying in your head over and over again you couldn't fall asleep. It's been 3 months since then and forgetting about it wasn't as easy as you thought.

You couldn't fool yourself, you missed him more than you'd like to admit. You missed going on late night drives around the city, movie nights, making dinner together, laughing about how bad his jokes were and him teasing you because either way they made you laugh, just feeling him being part of your life... Part of you.

Sometimes, in the middle of the night

I can feel you again

He's been texting and calling you but you knew the moment you accept a call or text you'd fall for him like the very first time and you knew you couldn't let that happen, it wasn't fair for you so ignoring him was the best option for now.

Lately you've been going to one of you favourite cafe every afternoon where across of it was a small park with beautiful flowers and near there a beautiful lake, the cafe was a comfort place because there were stunning sunsets and it was always nice to see the kids playing around the park and people having fun in the lake.

So today you decided to buy a coffee and go sit on the dock with your headphones on.

It passed a couple of minutes before you felt someone touching your shoulder, so you took off your headphones, turned around and saw him.

Your body tensed right away it's been long since you saw him.

"Hi," he said a little bit nervous.

"Hi,"

"I've been trying to call you and text you but you weren't picking up,"

"We don't have nothing to talk about anyway," you said trying to walk away from him.

"Please don't go," he grabbed your arm gently "I'm tired of missing you, please let me come back to you, I miss you with my life, preciosa,"

Preciosa there he was again trying to be sweet and calling you nicknames that he knew they made things to you, thinking that was enough and you hate how you and your body reacted to them.

But I just miss you

And I just wish you were a better man

"Oh so you think I wasn't tired every time you pushed me away and made me a second option or sometimes not even an option?" you stared at him frowning "You thought I was very joyful just waiting for you all the time just for you not even notice my presence? You should be the last one to say you are 'tired', Pedri,"

And I gave to you my best

And we both know you can't say that

He swallowed thick, he knew you were right and you deserved so much better than how he treated you.

"I am so sorry, I know I was a jerk and you deserve somebody so much better than me but I can't live without you, I can't sleep if you're not with me, you are my little ray of sunshine in my life, but please give me one more chance, I'd do anything for you, anything you asked me I'll do it, I promise,"

"We both know you're not good at making promises, Pedri, don't promise something we know you can't keep,"

We might still be in love

If you were a better man

"So please stop breaking my heart and stop following me," you said starting to walk.

"I didn't follow you," you looked at him like saying how did you find me then? "Kinda," he blushed.

"I went to every place we used to go when we were together and spend all day there in each of them hoping I'd find you," he looked away from you and your gaze soften at his confession.

This was the sweetest thing anyone has ever made for you.

You sighed for what you were about to tell him and about how vulnerable you were gonna be for him.

"I-i miss you and I still l-love you," you looked at his eyes.

"But I'm scared, what of it doesn't work out? What if we don't work out? I don't want us to get hurt again, I wouldn't be able to take it," a small tear escaped through your cheek.

"I'll do my best every day to remind you how important you are for me, and cherish you for every day I didn't back then. I'm sorry it took me this way to realize how valuable you are, I'll work in myself so I can be the man you deserve and so I can be worthy of you," he said grabbing your face and stroking your cheeks.

"And if you need more time to think about giving us another chance, I'll wait as long as you need,"

"I'm gonna need it," you said.

"My time is all yours,"

Surprise? I guess 🤭

@ironmaiden1313 @http-isabela @gulphulp @sandiaaaaaaa7 @iloveenglishmen

[fabbyf1]

Hi!

I’m not sure of this is how to go about this correctly.

I’m not sure what your position is on others drawing inspiration/directly from your incredible fan fiction writing but, on Ao3 there is a fic called ❤️lestappen- One shorts💙 by lestapeeen. The most recent chapter (14) is very similar to the monza chapter of long live(twwct) specifically the piggy back and proposal promise. some of the dialogue is exactly the same.

I figured you should know. If it’s a cool with you or if you knew already, sorry to be a bother.

DISCLAIMER: This post, by no means, is asking for ANYBODY to send this author mentioned (and tagged) below hate. On anon or main. I have been pretty damn clear with my feelings on the matter below. They know what they've done, and I won't stand for it. Nobody needs to make this worse by sending them death threats. With that out of the way, let's deep dive, shall we?

YOU KNOW WHAT?

First off, god bless you, bestie. God BLESS you. I want to smooch you on your incredibly wonderful forehead. Thank you so much for bringing this to my attention. I cannot be everywhere at once and cannot possibly read every fanfic posted to AO3, but it's not fucking cool for people to straight-up plagiarize my shit.

Secondly, I'd like to ask that if ANY of my followers come across something that looks very suspiciously similar to my fics, please let me know. You can for sure send it on anon, or send me a dm.

Now, with that being said, I clicked on this fucking fic not knowing what to think. I went into it with a pretty open mind, knowing that there are quite a few authors currently posting fics that are verrrrrrrrrrry similar to my writing style. I've gotten pretty close to calling a few of these authors out but haven't for a few reasons.

Fanfics based on the same ship, in the same canon setting, are always going to be... let's use the word "similar" here. The plot can only change so much when you're following canon events, you know? I don’t write AUs, so I’m only going off canon-inspired fics. My fics generally follow along with canon timelines and therefore, other author’s fics that follow the same timeline are going to be... similar. I get that and accept that.

Characterizations are bound to be... well, fuck it, let's use that word "similar" again. I'm gonna be pretty forgiving when someone's Max is damn near the same as my Max because one: I'm a good and forgiving person, and two: I think my characters (while totally fucking fictional) are very life-like to the real person. So, with that in mind, when I read a fic with characterizations similar to mine... I will usually give somebody grace... and accept that maybe, just possibly, they see Max Verstappen (the person) the same way I do (fictionally) and it’s a big old coincidence that our fics read so similar. You know? Does that make sense?

But with all that being said, I’m not a fucking idiot. 

And honestly? I give more grace than I should on this goddamn website. (lmfao, respectfully.) This is sadly not the first time that somebody has very much written in my likeness, and I know it won't be the last. But this is definitely the boldest version of plagiarism I've seen. I haven’t clicked on any chapter except for 14, and I heavily skimmed the first part, but let’s take a little deep dive into some of the highlights. Because I will show the receipts, bestie.

from their story:

from long live:

..... right, let's move on.

from their story:

from long live:

okay................. sure

from their story:

from long live:

If you're going to plagiarize my shit... you could at least put it in a different font, so to speak. "Hey, can I copy your homework?” “Sure, but change it up a bit.” 

Girlie pop, you stopped even trying to change it the fuck up. 

Let me be clear: I do not authorize anybody to translate, re-post or distribute my work without my written consent. This is in a disclaimer (that I will post below) in every single one of my fics. Taking MY dialogue is NOT okay. 

Direct quote from the beginning note of Long Live:  DISCLAIMER #4: This is 100% fictional, and I do not own any person, team, or sponsor referenced in this story. I mean no offense to any person(s) mentioned and characterized in this story. I am not affiliated with any part of Formula 1 or its subsections. Please do not translate, re-post, or distribute my work without my written consent. I will cry.

To sum up, writing is not easy, and it takes time and effort. Time away from my friends, my girlfriend, my family. Time away from my job and my other hobbies. Long Live is 76 thousand words and took me countless hours to write.

To have somebody so blatantly and disrespectfully post MY SHIT as their own and not even try to give me credit? To not write a note that said, “Heyyyyy go read long live, which I [clearly] really enjoyed!” or even a “Some of this dialogue was inspired by @fabbyf1” or even just a “lmfao some of this i didn’t write but the rest i did” really pisses me off.

Why did it ever have to come to this?

I am SO disappointed right now.

Happy fucking Friday, I guess.

For full transparency, here is the link to their fic: https://archiveofourown.org/works/55255699 and here is the link to their tumblr: @l-estappen

Here is the link to MY fic, which was posted on April 2nd, 2023, and written in Google Docs with revision history about a month before that. I have receipts out the fucking ass, my dear. https://archiveofourown.org/works/46190509/chapters/116284915

Be well.

[sentientgolfball]

Hello!! Absolutely loving your blog and writing!! I can’t stop rereading some of your works!! I was hoping to maybe request a phantom x reader? I love the thought of him being affectionate and clingy and I’d love to read about him with a reader that equally loves affection as much as he does. But it takes them a little while to actually open up and accept his affections, but once they do it’s just the cutest✨ thank you so much, and if not that’s alright🩷

~🦕

WAHHH THANK YOU SO MUCH that genuinely makes me so happy to hear :''')

I hope you enjoy some absolute Phantom FLUFF

My requests are open !

“Phantom! Hurry up, you're gonna miss the beginning!” 

“Oh shit” there’s a pause before you hear an “ow fuck hot!” 

You smile watching the quintessence ghoul run into the room with an absurdly large bowl of popcorn and a few drinks tucked under his arm. He sits everything down before plopping onto the couch next to you. 

“Did you remember the—“ 

“I got it right here.” His tail slithers over to you. You laugh as you take the small bag of chocolates from it, being careful not to pull on the piercings in the spade. 

He curls in under the giant blanket you brought, resting his tail on your lap just as the opening title of the movie begins. You and him have taken to weekly movie nights ever since discovering his fascination with human holidays. Halloween was creeping closer and you decided the best way to spend it this year was showing Phantom all your favorites. At first, you just showed me some old animated stuff from when you were younger, not quite sure what he’d like. Then you showed him some of the classics and he took a very big interest in those. Now, you were on to the slashers. You had skipped over Nightmare on Elm Street after the first one simply due to the fact every time something happened, he’d go off on a tangent about how ‘that’s not how dream magic works.’ 

You were now watching the Scream movies thanks to an off handed comment made by Dew that got Phantom interested. You had seen these movies countless times, but it was watching Phantom’s reactions that made it so special. Or maybe it was just Phantom in general. 

You idly play with his tail while the movie goes on, only half paying attention. You were distracted by the closeness of him. This always happened. He’d sit down at a comfortable distance and each time he thought you weren’t looking, he’d scoot just a bit closer. You knew how much he loved to be physically close with others, it was one of the things that drew you to him in the first place. It wasn’t like you hated the clingy nature of him, it just took some getting used to. You weren’t as quick to fling yourself onto him, but you really wanted to. You knew he would love it, but some part of you was worried you’d somehow make it awkward or uncomfortable. You were warming up to it, though. Every little touch from him had you feeling electric and you wanted more. 

You were now pressed shoulder to shoulder with him. He was completely enamored with the scene currently playing out, but all you could focus on was how close he was. You had to stifle a laugh at how large his eyes were. You stared at him for a bit longer before something in your brain was yelling at you, screaming to just wrap your arms around his waist and rest all your weight against him. You spend the remainder of the movie hyping yourself up to do this, but before you get the chance the credits roll. You mentally curse thinking you just wasted yet another opportunity when he turns and looks at you. 

“Can we watch the next one?” 

You smile “Absolutely. How could we leave without finishing this bowl?” 

Your eyes glance to the half eaten popcorn knowing damn well he’s going to inhale the rest without thinking. You hop up and put on the second movie. When you return to the couch you tentatively rest your head on his shoulder, sighing contentedly when he lays his head onto yours. 

Okay. Second chance. We can do this. 

You glance at him. He glances back and smiles at you, fangs poking out under his lips. 

Fuck we can’t do this. 

No. No you were going to do it. There was no reason not to. You shift a bit and he moves his head off yours to adjust his posture. You take that as the perfect opportunity to strike before you chicken out again. You slump down against him, encircling him with your arms before laying your head in his lap. There’s a moment where you’re convinced he’s going to shove you off for whatever reason, but that’s quickly stomped when you feel his hands gently card through your hair lightly scratching at your scalp. You smile hearing his tail beat against the side of the couch and a purr rumble through him. 

Somehow during the movie the positions shifted to the point where Phantom was laying flat on his back with you sprawled on top of him. You stayed like that until the credits started to play on the screen. You feel him nose your cheek.

“That was horrible.” 

“Yea the second one is never as good as the first.” You laugh as he nuzzles against your face. You try to say something about the third one but the thought is quickly interrupted by a yawn. He places a light kiss to the side of your head. 

“I’ll walk you back to your room.” 

“Actually” you say hiding your face in the crook of his neck “what if I stayed here tonight?” 

You can practically feel the excitement sparking off of him before he’s wrapping his arms around you squishing you to his chest. He laughs and peppers your face with little kisses purring wildly. When he’s finally done you bury your face right back into his neck and close your eyes, revealing in the warmth of his body and the rise and fall of his chest. 

[unclewaynemunson]

Jeff is one of my favorite characters and I think we should start a post of all our favorite Jeff headcanons. He and Freak get left out in almost every Eddie-centric fic I read, with his "best friend" being either Gareth or Chrissy, and I'm tired of it. Jeff is wonderful. Here's my hc's:

- Jeff and Eddie have been best friends since middle school. They started CC and Hellfire together.

- they went to the Snowball together and rigged the bubble machine to spew bubbles during the slow dance songs. The dance had to end early and Jeff and Eddie never got caught

- Jeff's parents loves Eddie. They used to have sleepovers at each other's place almost every weekend.

- Jeff was the first person Eddie came out to. Jeff tried to be surprised and "that's great, man, thanks for telling me!" But Eddie saw right through that.

- Eddie is afraid of geese and spiders. Jeff thinks this is fucking hilarious.

- post-Vecna, Jeff is the one Eddie reconnects with first. Eddie tells him everything, despite the NDAs and Steve's warnings. Jeff believes him, because he knows there's wacky shit going on in Hawkins, and he's seen Eddie's wounds.

- they have that kind of friendship that nothing can break. Even if they don't see or talk to each other for years, because Life Happens and people lose touch, they'll always have part of themselves carved out for their best friend.

Ok, that's all I got for now, and sorry for the long ask! I just love Jeff so much and he (and Freak, too, because Freak gets ignored because of fatphobia) deserves just as much love and attention as Gareth gets.

What are your Jeff and Eddie headcanons?

I am loving this Jeff love and your headcanons, thank you so much for sending this to me!!! <3

I think with Unnamed Freak things are a bit different bc, yaknow, he doesn't have a name. For me at least that makes me hesitant to write about him so I don't wanna go as far as to say it's all bc he's fat (even though I'm not gonna deny that that probably also plays a part in how popular he is in this fandom urgh). Anyway, yes this fandom certainly does Jeff dirty. I think it's this gross combination of racism and people copying a lot from already existing stories, characterizations and headcanons without much critical thinking of their own (which baffles me, if you're creative enough to write a story please use that creativity for some originality ffs). Anyway, this is gonna turn into a rant again can you tell I'm still annoyed? so let's turn to something more positive now, like my headcanons for our beloved Jeff:

He was the first person in Hawkins (after Wayne obviously) that Eddie got close to. For Jeff it was kinda the same, being a black, nerdy boy in this town had been very isolating for him and Eddie was his first real friend.

Unnamed Freak made their duo into a trio a bit later. All the others in the group (including Gareth) were Eddie's "lost little sheepies" who he sought out to protect. This means that Jeff and Unnamed Freak are the only people who don't borderline worship Eddie but see him (and love him) for who he is including all his flaws. They're also the only ones not afraid to call him out on his bullshit.

Jeff's mom is really cool. Her name is Pauline and she's not like Jeff at all (she was a cheerleader in high school). Despite their differences they love each other a lot. (Jeff's mom is actually heavily featured in one of the fics I wrote so I got her all fleshed out lmao)

He has two little twin sisters. They're friends with Erica, one of them is one of her friends we meet in the mall in s3. He has this typical hate-love relationship with his sisters: they fight a lot, but at the end of the day, he would die for them.

HE'S BISEXUAL

While he can't wait to get out of Hawkins and to a place that'll be more accepting of him, he doesn't want to move too far away from his family.

He's the most loyal friend in the world, 100% a ride-or-die kinda guy

While he does love metal a lot, his guilty pleasure is Tina Turner

Tell me all your Jeff headcanons i wanna hear more about him!

[the-way-astray]

HEY so I skim read your new Keefe hate post and I have some thoughts I'd like to share (all good ones!!)

As someone who also wrote a very long essay about [a] fictional character(s) while citing the page number and book word by word, you freaking ACED it. I'm always gonna be impressed when people take the time to cite your source and give a in depth explanation about it

You're lowkey not too wrong about Keefe infantilizing Sophie. For something silly and stupid, like "Iggy ate my mallowmelt!! >:( Now im mad!!" yeah I bet Sophie would seem cute lol. But for when she's genuinely angry and pissed?? Maybe lay off a little bit dude 😭 Like cmon she can murder you with her mind- There are moments where he does talk about how powerful she is though, throughout the series, but tbh as much as he does that he probably inhantilize her too *shrug* I need to reread the series, but you are making some sense.

I need Keefe getting mad and someone asking him if he's on his period LMAOOOO

Anyways as someone who loves Keefe you're making valid points. He has his flaws, and sometimes he isn't the best person. In summary

Never post that on pinterest. Those crazy Keefe loving, Fitz hating, Sokeefe shipping 11 year olds will MURDER YOU. I will respect your opinion, but they sure don't.

(your opinion is valid and you have facts *clap and approving nod* you have my respect.)

the post in question

okay, first of all, i need this essay immediately. i literally do not care what it's about but words! lots of words! about kotlc! need.

ooh, thank you so much! i mentioned this in the post itself, but this is a rework. the quotes were originally in one post (copy-pasted from another post) and the explanation was in a reblog, which was hella annoying, so i condensed them. i suppose it does make much more sense now. and my explanation is based in the fact that i don't think people were understanding why this isn't a good thing to be saying, period, when i posted it for the first time. even without context.

yeah, keefe displays a consistent attitude of "sophie is so adorable and small and cute and ditzy and soft". seriously, if you don't believe me, read his perspective in unlocked (or don't, because i'm going to do it for you in my part two keefe rant). it's why i don't buy his accepting sophie as a leader in stellarlune (done in a very, very tell-not-show way, may i add), unless he went through some serious development in unraveled. i may have to dedicate a whole post to that topic . . . anyway, yeah, him calling her powerful and talented feels very, very, very tell-not-show, and when you look at his internal thoughts in unlocked, it portrays her very differently. i'm not a fan of the way he sees her, truly. it feels very dumbed down and uwu-ified. no quotes from unlocked have been put into the post, so i'll have to update it later, but if i included unlocked quotes, this post would be like sixteen times its length. but yeah, you should reread the series before you come to a serious opinion. i'm obviously incredibly biased.

GOODBYE I WAS CITING THAT POST BECAUSE IT GAVE OFF THE EXACT ENERGY I FEEL KEEFE GIVES OFF . . . I DON'T EVEN THINK ELVES HAVE PERIODS (please nobody bring back that cursed discussion again, please, i beg) BUT YOU'RE SO CORRECT. SOMEONE WRITE A HUMAN AU WHERE THIS HAPPENS IMMEDIATELY

yay, a level-headed keefe lover, i love you guys. lol . . . i don't plan to go on pinterest anytime soon, or ever (and i also don't even think pinterest's format even allows for a long post like this . . . ). honestly the thought would have never even crossed my mind, because keepblr is my one true love and i'd never cheat on her. but now that you mention it, it might be funny . . .

[sp-growingpains]

not on the ask list, but do you have any fun facts you could tell us about Jean that you haven't shared yet?

Shhroomer, you're a darling. I truly adore you!

So I wanted to wait to answer this because it's Jean's birthday today and wouldn't ya know it, I'm in Colorado! I thought it would be fun!

I got a lotta fun facts about the dork!

Music!

🎵 - Jean has perfect pitch and can play most songs by ear! This is really great until it comes time when for her to write her own music! Then it's a bit of a struggle!

🎵 - Guitar is her favorite for emotional reasons! She gets her first guitar from Stan! But her god mother makes her learn Viola and Piano.

🎵 - Later on in life after going to college and becoming a music teacher, she learns a handful of things!

🎵 - When I first made Jean I had this idea that she would join Crimson Dawn and just fucking slay! Buuuuut as time went on, I removed that part!

🎶 - Now that's not to say she's opposed, I just think Crimson Dawn should stay it's own thing! It means more to those characters than it would he shoving Jean into that!

🎶 - But if she did make her own band I have a name for it already! Almost Wendigos.

🎵 - But yeah! Jean adores music so much and being able to share that love makes being a music teacher the perfect career!

Sports!

🌄 - So real talk! I love basketball and hokey it's one of my favorite sports to babble about!

🌄 - So when it came time to give her one of the two, I'm not gonna lie...I flipped a coin!

🌄 - Thus, Jean plays basketball from elementary to high! Now, I know boys and girls can't play together "blah, blah, blah" shhh! Let me have this.

🌄 - Later on around high-school she picks up hiking! Something to get her mind off everything.

🌌 - The problem is, this idiot does it late at night most of the time. Now I don't know if you've ever gone hiking in mountains surrounded by thick pine trees, but I have. Phone signal is fucking next to nothing out there

🌌 - This leads to her getting lost a lot. After the second or third rescue from the homies, she was then banned from going off alone or late at night. (She has a comically bad sense of direction.)

🌄 - Buuuuut other than that, when she finds the time she's at the gym lifting weights. She struggles a little with accepting her body. There are days when she hates how tall she is, how big she gets. The gym helps with that a little! Plus like I've said before, hugging the homies is so much easier when you're big and strong.

Parents?!

💜 - I've always wanted to talk about her parents but never really found the chance, so thank you!

💜 - Jean's father's name is Jun! He was a famous archeologist who threw all caution to the wind when it came to exploring and discovering new things! Came over from China and settled down in Colorado after him and his wife got a surprise in the shape of a baby!

💜 - Her mother's name is Jennifer! She was a talented cartographer! She was born in Denvor and left after college as fast as she could! You couldn't keep that woman away from her maps and her love for adventure!

💜 - I based them heavily off The Wild Thornberrys! I loved the idea of these two eccentric people building a goofy loving family. (Only to rip it away!)

💜 - I haven't really figured out how they got together, but I know they loved each other so very much! I would dare say they were one of the few healthy couples in South Park!

[tinukis]

some details about one of my one piece ocs, Z here i should like draw proper ref of Z soon bc i think abt the little guy often. if i do talk about him more and draw him, i may just reveal his real name eventually

anyway theres really nothing happy about this boy from what i shared and i still have nothing happy. however the reason he even still holds onto life is because of books. he loves reading about adventures, whether the tales are from real journalists or something made up. it inspires Z to continue living on despite being chained down in hell

thats not what i actually wanna talk about, i just wanna talk abt something more lighthearted. while Z does appreciate all the strawhats, the ones hes most particularly fond of are luffy, nami, and robin

not that any of them told their stories, but that those four can really sympathize with Z. nami especially can relate with how Z believes he needs to shoulder everything himself to save his island considering hes only 13 enduring all this pain and suffering-- how he even refused to ask for the strawhats help until things were extremely desperate and that he had to accept that he really was powerless to do anything.

doesnt help that Z's "foster family" fed the strawhats too and how charismatic they are- Z thought that they were completely entranced by them so they wouldnt believe a word a bratty kid would say. and when Z felt completely helpless, he had pinned the blame on the strawhats and wished they never met bc things did go downhill for Z since his arrival

with robin, Z would talk about his favorite book and robin adores how he'd light up talking about it. not to mention him getting really excited when robin said she read the book before and gave him recommendations. (and as a parting gift, she gave Z a book she already finished reading. and it's about a kid his age starting their own adventure and writing everything about their exploits as they travel the world)

and with luffy, i'll admit was p hard to think about as hes not an easy character to write... but hes always been good w kids (AAAAUUUGJWHDIWHDK) and how theyve been inspired by him. what makes it harder to think about is how this kid has ace's face and acted similar to a younger ace. luffy felt a bit uneasy and Z just didnt like him at all. though theyre attracted to each other like magnets so kinda impossible to be separated without being pulled apart. when the strawhats went off to do their own things, luffy and Z somehow come across each other and it's like "stop following me!" / "you're the one following me!"

neither share what adventures they had and neither cared enough to ask. though Z was a little curious about who ace was and luffy bluntly says that theres nothing to know now bc hes dead. Z was about to pry bc ace had to be important to luffy but then again why should he care about this guy? he didnt care much about luffy and he was gonna leave soon anyway so they just left it at that. and as luffy gets distracted by a beetle on a tree trunk, Z suddenly disappears.

at some point though, luffy knew there was something wrong if Z couldnt just leave the place and people he claims to hate. and Z was startled by luffy's sudden interest in him and the island. he wasnt even sure if he could trust this pirate (esp when the 'rulers' were previously pirates !!) but he didnt feel ill intentions from luffy either so Z does tell him about the strict laws of the land which pisses him off gravely bc basically all of the people's freedoms are revoked and have to live a certain way if they wish to even live 👍👍

Z: "dunno why you're interested. you're gonna leave and forget about this hell of an island anyway. theres nothing you can do."

and again, Z cant trust others- especially not pirates. but the more time spent with the strawhats, the more respect and trust he gave. but he never once believed that they cared for him the same

[beanghostprincess]

So curious about ur thoughts on Ao No Flag cause I read it when it first came out and yeah after chapter 41 I wanted to rip it to shreds I was so pissed that the author got me to waste so much of my time on a story with an ending I hated that much.

And the premise was so interesting too…. It’s really the only reason I stuck with it even after I started seeing the red flags….

I have... So many thoughts about Ao No Flag... Some of them are positive but sadly, the negativity just erases all of them. It just frustrates me so so much! I feel like I've wasted my time reading this, ngl. I don't even know where to start, if I'm being honest. I have many complaints and I'm sure I'll forget to mention some of my opinions...

Overall, I liked the first half of the manga. I started reading it because I heard about it online some time ago and since I wasn't reading anything else I thought it'd be a good idea to do it! The thing is-- Since every website labeled it as a BL, I started reading it with that thought in mind. Not that I read it only because it was a BL, of course, but I was expecting the main couple to be queer and somewhat talk about the struggles of teenage gay crushes and the mess of, you know, young relationships. With the premise of, again, the queer couple being the main one. Not saying you can't make a BL about stuff other than romance. This isn't the case at all. In fact, I was more than happy to see it was more like a slice of life with romance and drama rather than just the romantic part. But when you're supposedly making a BL or a manga about queerness... I'm expecting it to be one of the main things and to be treated fairly and well.

After reading a few chapters I kinda accepted that perhaps the BL label was a bit of an exaggeration since it's more of a slice of life with romantic drama and like, two gay characters there. It wasn't a problem. I did like the writing, after all, and I wasn't even there for the LGBT+ narrative anyway, I found the story interesting. A guy who's envious of his best friend for always having the "perfect life" (in his eyes) helping a girl date him and both of them falling for each other in the whole process, with the plot twist of the best friend being gay and in love with the main character?? With a side lesbian who's in love with the girl, because of course, lesbians can never be happy even in the simplest of mangas (this is becoming a sub-genre at this point).

I found it interesting. The plot was very captivating and it kept me wanting to read more and more and more. I couldn't care less about whether it was a BL or not, but I still wondered why so many people labeled it as such when... None of that happens. It's like labeling Kuzu No Honkai as a Yuri when it definitely isn't and it just treats queerness as one of the many plots. It did give me that vibe! The whole messy romantic coming-of-age drama with the whole "everyone is selfish and stupid and somehow of a bad person" theme.

The thing is............................... The writing goes downhill so damn quickly. And I say this because it happens abruptly in the last 15 chapters or so, but tbh I could see where it was going from the very beginning. It was just a wild assumption I didn't think would come true.

In no specific order, I'm gonna talk just a little bit about my issues with this manga! Because there are... A few...

1- As a lesbian specifically I feel the need to address the atrocity they did to Masumi's character. It's pretty damn obvious through the whole narrative that she does not like men. Every time she tries to date one? They break up. They treat her crush on Futaba like it's the end of the world for her since she can't cope with it by following society's standards because it's impossible for her to do so. I get it. They're teenagers. She's in love. It can go away with time, even if it hurts like hell now. But that's not the point of her crush on Futaba. It's not that it's only Futaba for her and she couldn't fall for anyone else and after some years she moved on. It's the fact that she liked girls. Women. Not men. See where I'm going with this?

Her whole crisis is not even about falling for her best friend (unlike Touma's narrative), it's about being a lesbian in a world where nobody understands her struggles and she refuses to open up about it because of the fear of being rejected. Which is totally understandable. The ending? Making her get married to a guy? A guy we don't even know? Yeah, she COULD be bisexual, but she definitely isn't because otherwise her whole story would not fucking exist.

"Sexuality is fluid" you could argue, but after 50 chapters of her repeatedly saying she doesn't like men, making her marry one just seems........ Pretty damn homophobic. It truly does look like they're saying it was just a phase and she just "had to understand the other POV and keep her desires a secret". After the conversation with Akiko in which she says she can keep it a secret... It just makes it more obvious that she'll spend her life closeted. Is that really the happy ending you wanna give her? What about the freedom they talked about so much in the manga?

2- That brings me to her conversation with Mami, too. Which, despite being short, left me shocked. And that'd be an understatement. I absolutely adore Mami (she's my favorite character along with Touma and I wish we had more of them together and their friendship) but... Making it look like it's Masumi's fault the fact that nobody understands her because "she doesn't let herself be understood" or "she's being selfish by thinking she's special" is fucking insane. She is special! Nobody understands her! As far as I fucking know, none of you are lesbians. Yes, Mami could try to understand her and even if she could never fully do so (she says so herself) she could support her... But that's not the point. The conversation makes it seem like it's Masumi's fault for being "self-centered". Like, lmao, what did you expect? I'd also be like that if I had nobody to talk to about these things. In fact, I believe this should have been more explored with her dynamic with Touma instead because he can understand her. The way they treat Masumi should be illegal.

3- Talking about Touma........... Ughhhhhhhhasghgashdgajdg3yurgy3grui32gui32gjkjldbakwjbd aAghhhhGYGAGAAHAGJHAGSHDGASHDGAHDGAHGR93WGU3WKB /negative. That's it. That's my opinion of his story.

4- But really, Touma deserved SO MUCH BETTER. I can't stand anything about how they treat his character. He's the main focus in every. Fucking. Character's life. And yet his character is barely a character despite being the most interesting one out of all of them. Nobody addresses the fact that they're all selfish assholes to him. I get that they all view him as this perfect guy with his life all solved, but even so... Even if he were like that... When they realize he isn't, nobody gives a fuck about him.

Futaba and Taichi make this whole plan to get her and Touma together without even thinking about his opinion and what he wants and his freedom. When they're all having this crisis about university, nobody asks him what he wants because nobody asks him about himself and they all just focus on the idea of him. He won't talk about his own issues and thoughts! Why would he? Nobody seems to care and he clearly doesn't want to be a burden. When he breaks his leg? I get that Taichi felt guilty, that's understandable, but he made the whole situation about himself? And the narrative itself too? Futaba saying he was the one suffering the most out of the two??? I'm sorry, what the fuck???

When Kensuke punches him for the simple reason of what??? Being GAY??? Idk about you but where I come from that's called a hate crime and we usually relate it to homophobia-- Nobody and I mean NOBODY asks Touma how he's doing. They blame HIM for being selfish because he fell for his best friend and "put him and Futaba in a difficult position". Masumi even says she doesn't agree with his decision to confess. GIRL???? HE WAS OUTED???? WHAT THE FUCK???????

So we have this gay guy who's been keeping his crush on his best friend as a secret for years, trying to fit in, and feeling just as lonely as everybody else or even MORE because nobody dares to see the real him and everybody uses him to make themselves feel good about their own lives, being ATTACKED by one of his friends for being gay and then blamed for the whole situation that wasn't even his fault. Oh! And then he has to deal with Taichi and Futaba's selfish needs to go to him and make everything better by what?? Screaming to the sea that they love each other?? Okay. Cute. I admit that scene was nice. But I couldn't see past the lack of character development and the fact that if I were him there would not be enough earth in this world for me to run away and be as far from these people as fucking possible.

5- Talking about Kensuke, I fucking hate him. The whole chapter in which they discuss why he started a fight with Touma feels like a whole homophobic speech to try and convince people to understand homophobia. The characters have no personalities and are only used as ideology devices instead of actual human beings. I don't give a fuck whether he was SA by a gay guy?? That's a lame ass excuse for violence and a hate crime??? I get that he might be uncomfortable due to trauma! That's completely understandable! And he might've been impulsive and violent because of that, too. But that doesn't give him the right to use it as an excuse instead of properly apologizing for being scum. Your trauma is not an excuse for your behavior toward others.

And his whole speech about how "it's the same thing as when girls feel uncomfortable around men" is just... Not it. It's not that you are scared of gay guys because of trauma. You're scared of MEN and now that you've seen what some of them are capable of and you've been a victim, you use it as a way of being homophobic when I can assure you it has nothing with being gay and everything with being a man. And yet!!!!!!!!!! And yet!!!!!!!!!!!!! And yet he fucking dares to say that he feels attracted to all women and he's in the right to not understand gay men because "it doesn't make any sense". When he's asked if he feels the same toward all women, he says that yes, he's sexually attracted to all of them. And yes, he only wanted Mami because she was a woman and not because she was... Well, her. And the fact that the whole narrative makes it seem like he's in the right and people should just "try to understand him and his homophobic behavior" is fucking disgusting. "He's free to hate too" not when that freedom is stopping others from being free, he isn't.

6- Everything between Touma and Taichi is so goddamn rushed. The worst thing is that I love their story and their dynamic and they would've made such a great couple if it hadn't been built in....... Just a panel??? They give NO hint that Taichi likes Touma back or even thinks about it. The only thing we have is Futaba telling Touma that NOW Taichi considers him a possibility, despite Taichi making clear that he's in love with Futaba multiple times. They break up off screen and he starts dating Touma also off screen. No character development. No explanation. No nothing. I spent 50 chapters reading this drama for the mangaka to suddenly remember this was supposed to be a BL or what?? I don't give a fuck if it isn't a BL, damn, the genre can change. I don't care. Just make it in character.

7- They talk SO DAMN MUCH about their futures that their career choices are a metaphor at some point. Futaba wants to do gardening and try it out even if she knows it's probably not gonna work (her relationship with Taichi), Mami wants to work as a beautician with her mentality of "everyone deserves to be treated equally" (her relationship with all of her friends, whether they're girls or boys), and both Taichi and Touma give up on their dreams of a toy store and being a baseball player because they don't see them as something real (guessing it's their relationship at first). But they don't bring this up again! Their future is reduced only to romance and we don't know what the fuck they're doing with their lives???? C'mon, at least use it as a metaphor!

I have more things to say, tbh, but in my opinion, the manga would've been way better (focusing on it as a BL, here) if:

The whole plot is the same thing, except it focuses more on Touma's POV too, and his struggles with being perceived as someone he's not. Taichi gets a whole plot about him wanting to be closer to Touma as children (they show this, just not as much) as a metaphor for his possible crush on him, which Touma rejects because he actually does have a crush on Taichi and doesn't want him to know. Taichi gets his whole crisis about liking Futaba and Touma WAY earlier in the manga, at the same time as he has to choose whether to work on his dream of making a toy store or give up on it.

The whole Kensuke thing can happen and it should happen, but focusing on Touma's POV instead and making the narrative treat Kensuke like the asshole he is instead of trying to make him look good. Masumi gets her closure by keeping her crush on Futaba a secret and being helped by Mami to deal with it (because there's nothing wrong with it) and they try to understand each other better without blaming her.

The whole ending pre-time skip is the same, except that Taichi is still figuring things out and we make it clear that both Futaba and him know it might not work between them, but they try. They show their breakup (because not showing it is pointless) and they build in the time skip the relationship between Touma and Taichi (in fact, during the whole manga they should have WAYYYYY more scenes together because they barely do, lmao) and we see them, even if it's just hints of them falling for each other, getting together supposedly.

And THEN in the wedding, Masumi has a girlfriend (god forbid lesbians can have a fucking win) or perhaps just finds happiness in something that isn't romance, Futaba is happy and they mention that perhaps gardening didn't work but she's working in something else related to flowers, Taichi and Touma are together and they both followed their dreams somehow, and idk Mami is the makeup girly and stylist of the wedding and Kensuke is 10 feet underground because I hate him. The end.

If I talk more about this manga I'm gonna be the one committing a hate crime.

[doodlepede]

something i actually have a lot of inarticulate thoughts about is the contrast between how the burden of wearing the One Ring is handled vs the burden of wearing the horcrux locket. ooh ooh the book series that shall not be named ooh ooh you're so scared!!! anyway. gonna ramble about it

One of the most powerful scenes in the film trilogy is when Frodo is reduced to crawling up the slope of Mount Doom, the weight of the Ring is just too much, it's as though it's gotten heavier and heavier the closer they came to its source. When Frodo can't even crawl any further, Sam says, "I cannot carry it for you, but I can carry you!" and he lifts Frodo onto his shoulders. I firmly believe that the Ring functions as a beautiful allegory for trauma and ptsd, and this moment is the most perfect instance of it, because from my interpretation, Sam is basically saying that even though he wants to take the trauma from Frodo and carry it himself, Frodo wouldn't let him because he loves him too much to give him something so painful, and couldn't let him because that just isn't how trauma works - it is his burden, and his alone - and Sam finally accepts this, and rededicates himself to helping Frodo in a more physical way: by carrying him in his entirety, if he can't carry his trauma for him. There's muuuuuch more to say on this, but you get the picture.

for a man who proclaims to have cordially disdained for allegory since he grew wary enough to detect them, he's sure good at writing them, in my view. honestly if his stance was merely a jab at C. S. Lewis, i wouldn't be surprised.

Anyway, I'm reminded of that one bit in the Deathly Hallows part.. 1? I'm only referencing the films here because theyre the only part of the franchise i still respect to be quite honest, but that part in either part 1 or 2 where theyve got the Horcrux locket which contains a bit of Voldemort's soul, and moldywarts is sooo evil that mere extended proximity to the Horcrux has a One Ring like effect - putting the wearer in a perpetually foul mood and encouraging all their worst impulses and making them all possessive of it... Come to think of it i have no idea why it makes the wearer possessive of it. But there's a whole bit where Harry was the one wearing it until it made him awful and then Ron started wearing it until it made him awful, and they get into a confrontation about it and its a great character moment for them, these best friends who've always been there for eachother, torn down to the worst versions of themselves and having to like deal with that. I quite like that in theory, but in practice it comes across as sorta hollow, and like just one more instance of Ron being a little asshole like he's kinda just consistently been since like, Goblet of Fire. idk theyre both like really bitchy from then on out, it's a slog to watch and read. Like haven't we had like, four books of them being little assholes to eachother but not really growing from it?

This is clearly just copying lotr's homework, right? well, a little. but i dont hold that against Rowling, because here's the deal: LOTR is one of the highest selling books of all time, in 7th place behind books like Don Quixote, the quran and the bible. Fucking everyone has read it, and those who haven't are still familar with it becauss the books and films are still so popular that they've permanently saturated modern fantasy. Dungeon Meshi is inspired by Tolkien, that's why the Dwarf man is short and has a big beard, that's why elves are tall and magically inclined, that's why halflings are a distinct race. Tolkien did that. that is Tolkien's influence. So Of Course Rowling copied his homework at least a little, it's borderline impossible not to.

But the thing is. she's just not very bright. she thinks shes a lot fuckin smarter than she is, and that used to be the thing people hated her for. Seems hard to believe these days but there was a time before she was (as) openly transphobic, and the thing people hated her for was the fucking smugness. If she were as clever as she acts like she is, she coulda. well she could have written a better story.

wouldn't it have been interesting if she had chosen 7 horcruxes for a reason other than that 7 is a number associated with magic? like, if each was a character trait that voldemort has, distilled into the horcrux, so each one, given exposure, begins to pass that trait to harry? that way she could double down on that 'twin soul' wand thing that never really mattered, because ron could realize that the horcrux wasnt affecting him like it was affecting harry, and it could spur some needed growth in him, give him a Sam-like moment, start building an allegory at the last second. There's so many beats and threads that are so lacking in substance when looked at closely, when thought about instead of just consumed. insert muh Its For Kids non-argument, as if being intended for young people exempts you from the expectation of effort. The Hobbit is for kids even younger than harry himself.

the reason people think harry potter isnt as shallow as it is is because it attempts to take inspiration from greater works, but rowling isnt a good enough author to utilize any of it to any measure of potential

[stoookes]

Just read the latest chapter of Omegaverse and goddamn that was one hell of a ride! 😳😳

Firstly, I loved that Stu and Ali's friend group grew closer! Stu really deserved to stop pretending for Kevin's sake, and be among people who liked and accepted him for how he was. Also, kudos to Ali for persisting with Stu!

I loved the whole scene with England finally introducing an omega to the squad, but instead of announcing who it is, like BCCI with VK, they kept it secret like NZC with Tim. Ngl I thought it would be Joe, but it being Jos threw me completely, I never saw that coming! Stuart protecting Jos (yay!) and the J2 feels are already jumping out, I hope my baby Josephs atleast escape the angst? 🥺 Nothing but good things for them please 🙏🏻🙏🏻🙏🏻

The Stu and Kevin confrontation was chef's kiss and then Brinn! Ahhhh that was quite possibly my favourite part of not just this chapter, but also the entire fic (okay second favourite, VK's introduction edges this out by a tiiiiny margin bc I can't resist cute baby fiery omega 🥹) I just adore Stuart and Steven's relationship, the way Stu trusts that Finny won't mind him being omega. They're so cute together 🥰

And then the last part of the chapter! Ugh I hate Kevin so much, and the dub con really made me shudder and feel so bad for Stu, being forced into such a rotten situation 😭 well done with the writing here! 😁 And then Kevin finding out Stu's secret 😭😭😭😭 please tell me he's gonna be fine?? jimmy do something, ali do something, author do something, someone do something I can't bear Stu being put through more shit please no no no no no no you can't do that to him please 😭

Can't wait for the next chapter, I'm dying to find out how the situation with Kevin resolves itself, and I'm also really eager for you to explore Brinn further. And can't wait for VK to properly show up too!

Lovely chapter, love your writing and excited for more! 💖❤️💗

ahaha - just a little bit of a rollercoaster 😂

Ali always knew Stuart was a good egg under the surface, pretending to fit in with Kevin and co for some reason. He's so grateful when Stuart opts to start spending time with them rather than Kevin and so proud when he stands up for Stevie 🥰

You just know the hiding was Ali's idea. ECB definetly wanted to make a big thing of it like BCCI did but Ali will be incredibly aware of how VK was treated/seen when he was announced. He wouldn't want that on a young player (especially one like Jos who is already having a hard time with feeling like they're good enough) so pushed HARD for the omega to be announced but stay anonymous.

It's so interesting because I was worried the Brinn would feel a bit shoe-horned in considering this is the first chapter Steve is even mentioned, but it does just work because Brinny just works 🥰 Stuart just knows; no one has ever treated him like Steve does. He can do odd things for an alpha and Steve just accepts it, accepts him. Not even Freddie did that.

Kevin certainly knows what he was and there is very little he won't do to get it 😓 It's another scene I'm glad doesn't feel forced because I obviously knew where it needed to get to, but I guess we've already established KP as a very cut throat character, so this vein of revenge on Stuart feels very natural. Don't think even he thought he was going to get this reveal though!

I'm not sure you want the author to do something... It was me who put Stui in this predicament in the first place 😅

Chp7 is already in the works because of how it flows on from this one, so hopefully the wait isn't too long for an update! Thanks again for your lovely comment and for reading - so glad you're still enjoying it 🥹

[shutupdevvie]

to be so so real and so honest... i hated josh and reader before this. i can't even lie about it. the childhood memories part made me like them a little bit more, but i really just couldn't get over jake. BUT. i have found acceptance. if jake can get over it, then i can get over it.

plus josh is so sweet to her it's kind of hard to hate him

i mean he's picking out her clothes and dressing her so she doesn't have to do it... idk how i ever hated him (jk i do but i'm ignoring it)

karen :((( she is the sweetest soul :((

jake leaving immediately <3

"Take a breath. I'm not going to disappear when you open your eyes." i really and truly. i. i am so tired. this hurts.

josh telling that random stranger that she loves him broke my fucking heart. where is mine. why do i not have this yet.

"Do you mind if I stay awhile?" dare i say: won't you hold my hand and stay awile

"Sometimes... When I would think about our first time, I would think of something like this." :((( i'm not even gonna say anything for this one

"It's okay to breathe, angel" i too am holding my breath and i am convinced that i will throw up if i breathe normally again

"I thought I was showing you all the ways I want to love you... so why are your eyes not looking at me." well... that's one way to say that

him finding so much joy in getting her off is so real. so true.

i will lose my mind if i think about this part a little too much so i think we need to just keep it moving otherwise i will not be able to write the rest of this

"It's cute you think I'm not going to make you cum more than once tonight." josh kiszka is a giver and i will stand by that until the day that i die.

"Do you love me enough to let me give you more?" "Because I'll keep going until you say stop..." "Even if that means we'll be here all night long" and my point stands. he is a GIVER. FOREVER.

"One more... Let me give you one more, please" the way he asking BEGGING to give her another is just. i will never get over it.

josh finding out that he was actually her first kiss i am going to take a long walk off a short pier

"But I sure would like to take yo to dinner with my parents for the first time as my girlfriend, and Jake is still your friend, he'll be happy for you, even with the jealousy" "Plus, he's going to have to get sed to seeing the two of us together, because you're my girl, and there's no way I'm letting you go." YOU'RE MY GIRL. SHE'S HIS GIRLFRIEND. hoadfjhufiifhuediho. nobody talk to me.

"It's you and me, always. Right?" "You and me, Josh. Always." yeah that's gonna be it for me. i need to head on out. this is too much for my littler heart to take.

In collaboration with - @earthlysorrows

Masterlist

Josh Kiszka x Reader x Jake Kiszka

Words - 10k

Warnings - 18+ONLY, explicit sexual content, NSFW, smut, oral (f&m!receiving), fingering, unprotected sex (wrap it before you tap it!), overstimulation, cockwarming

a/n - This one took a while, and for that I apologize, but it's here! ♡

You didn’t want to get out of the car.

If you were honest, you hadn’t even wanted to get out of bed, not knowing what was waiting for you outside the safety of your apartment. You begrudgingly slid from beneath your blankets, letting the cold invade your body as your feet touched the cool flooring. You hissed at the temperature change and tucked into yourself to keep any amount of  body heat you had left. 

Yet you managed to get ready, drive to church but hit the next issue. Walking into the church. You sat with your hands tight on the steering wheel of the car as it idled. You pondered on just going home or staying for worship. It was the thought of the kids that had you stepping away from the vehicle, hand gently clicking the door shut behind you. However, once you left you saw Josh, Jake and Abigail walking through the parking lot. All of them giggling at something one of them had said. 

The burning in your throat came quickly as the anxiety in your body caused a retching motion in your throat. You weren’t sure what was worse, watching as the three of them made their way into the church, the sight of Josh’s hand placed so delicately against Abigail's back, or knowing that you would have to deal with them for the next couple hours.

The tips of your fingers grew numb as Jake opened the door to escort them in. The top row of your teeth clamped to the bottom as you followed in their footsteps to the church. Tightly, you crossed your arms over each other and made your way into the chilled church air. You could hear it. His laugh, it was so clear as it rumbled down the hall. 

You looked up to see both Josh and Jake with a hand upon each one of Abigail’s shoulders, Josh was nearly in tears from whatever she had been saying. You squeezed your eyes shut and took a deep breath before shuffling past the three of them and making your way to the stage. You sat quietly at your keyboard, making sure that everything was set up properly. You could hear the chorus of ‘good mornings’ that came from the fellow members of the church as Josh, Jake and Abigail walked into the sanctuary. 

The twins ignored you, barely offering even a passing glance as they made their way onto the stage. The majority of the worship service went on without much issue, you had gotten fairly good at ignoring the prolonged glances between Josh and Abigail. Between songs you would zone out, zoning back in only when you had to begin the next song. The sound of Josh’s voice used to bring you peace, but since they stopped talking to you, it only inflicted pain. So as you zoned out, you missed him talking about you, his small spiel coming to an end with the calling of your name, a verbal cue for you to sing. 

Your eyes glanced up from the keys below your fingers, locking with Josh's chestnut eyes. “Y/n.” 

You continued to stare, shell shocked as he looked you dead in the eyes, repeatedly calling your name. 

━

“Y/n, angel. Baby, wake up.”

The transfer from your dream-like state to real life was slow, but eventually your eyes were open and staring at the ceiling. A singular tear rolled down your temple and dripped down to the pillow. “Josh?” You murmured, voice rough. 

“Mhm. It’s me, gorgeous.” He leaned over the bed to press a soft kiss to the corner of your lip. “I’ve never heard you whine in your sleep like that before, what’s the matter… talk to me.” His lips planted against your cheek, then your chin. 

When his arm wrapped around you to pull you up from the bed into a hug, you could feel your worries almost completely melt away. You nuzzled into him as far as you could, taking a deep inhale of his comforting scent, and he chose not to press you further. “Whatever it was, Y/n. I’m here if ever, and whenever you need me, okay?’

He could feel you nod your head as best as you could against his chest. “Are you feeling up to going to church, or should I tell my dad to pull the back-up team?” He pressed a kiss to your temple. “I am more than willing to change and crawl into bed with you, angel.”

All you could think about were those kids waiting there patiently for you and Youth Pastor Josh to walk into the room so they could ambush you. The thought of them brought a genuine smile to your face for the first time in a while. 

“I think I’m okay to go…” You whispered to Josh. “Our understudies are safe.”

“Would you like for me to pick out your Sunday best? So you can stay warm and cozy for a little while longer?” Josh gently let his fingers comb through your hair, his eyes watching as the soft strands delicately fell back against the pillow. 

“Only if you want to.”

Josh stepped away from you with a wide grin, opening your closet and dipping inside to pick an outfit for you. You simply watched from beneath the comfort of your blanket. You were surprised when he dropped a relatively large pile at the foot of your bed. He walked back to stand in front of you, offering his hand to help you out of bed. You took it, leaning into his warmth as you stood from your mattress. 

Josh pulled you along to the end of your bed, stopping you with both his hands on your hips before gripping the edge of your sleep shirt and pulling it up. You lifted your arms to assist in the removal, and while one hand tossed the shirt into your laundry hamper, the other landed gently on your waist. He leaned forward, pressing his lips against your bare chest and holding them there for a moment to feel the steady thumping of your heartbeat. 

His eyes fluttered shut at the steady and slow rhythmic beating of your heart. His hands slowly massaged your waist, and with a soft pop of his lips pulling away from your skin, he laid his forehead against your heart. You looked down, the gentle yet whimsical curls brushing against your chin as you admired his admiration. 

You let your hands tame the rambunctious curls as you pet them backwards and away from his face. All the while he began to match his breathing with yours. “Josh…” 

Your voice brought him back from his trance. “Hmm… yeah. The outfit.” His voice was mouselike and when his eyes flicked upwards towards yours there was a glaze of content washed upon them. 

He turned from you to pull from the pile of fabric he had laid out. He slipped your bra over your arms, and wrapped around you in an embrace to clasp the back with surprising accuracy. Next, came a white long sleeve shirt that he gently pulled over your head, taking your hair in his hands to pull it out from under the shirt. 

You hummed at the touch, already feeling your body heat trapped within the fabric. He only added to that protection as he let the thick argyle plaid button up cardigan slip up your arms. His fingers moved slowly, as he cautiously buttoned your sweater from the bottom up. The light warm browns of the sweater made you feel at home, with forest green and rust red diamonds as accents across the design. 

You held your arms close to your body, content with the warmth his options brought you. It felt like you were still laying in bed snuggled up against your blankets. A kaleidoscope of butterflies invaded your stomach as Josh fell down to his knees, his hands tracing down your thighs as he stared in utter awe of you. He lifted your foot with his hand, slipping the panties up both legs before carefully pulling them to rest on your hips. 

Josh’s lips rested upon your hip bone, fully taking in your skin before he shook his head and refocused on dressing you. Once again his hands were slowly tracing down your legs, and he slipped the soft leggings up your legs, followed closely by the  light brown skirt after instructing you to step inside of the hole. He effortlessly zipped the back of the skirt up, and tucked the front of your sweater into it. 

He couldn’t stop himself, as his fingers once again danced upwards on your legs, and your only response was to learn forward, lift his chin with your finger and place a shy kiss upon his lips. “Thank you, Joshy.”

He stood up straight once again, taking your face in his hands and looking deeply into your eyes. “Anything for you, angel.”

He let his hands drop to your waist, pulling you into another warm hug. You could feel the steady thumping of his heartbeat against your cheek as you held him close. You turned your head, pressing your lips against the pulse point, earning a small groan from Josh. “You have to finish getting ready, baby. We really have to leave soon so that we aren’t late.”

You sighed, reluctantly retracting from Josh’s warmth and trudging into your bathroom, giving him a look that made him chuckle as you closed the door behind you. 

By the time you had finished in the bathroom and walked back into your room, Josh was sitting on your bed waiting for you, your jacket and boots placed on the chest at the end of your bed. “Ready to go?”

You nodded your head, walking over to pull on and tie up your boots. When you stood up, Josh held out your coat, waiting for you to slip your arms in before pulling it over your shoulders. 

While adjusting your coat to fit properly, Josh opened the door to the apartment and ushered you out before ensuring the door was locked.  That’s when it all came flooding in. The fact you were now just one singular car drive away from seeing Jake, risking that at least some of the events from your dream would turn themselves into a reality. 

The only reasonable reaction you could have was to reach down and desperately grab ahold of Josh’s hands. Your fingers interlaced with his and when they were situated you gave them a firm squeeze. 

“Don’t be nervous, everything will work out just fine okay?” Once again your only response was to nod in his direction as you got in his car and stared out of the passenger window awaiting the future. 

Karen and Kelly were the first to approach you once you and Josh walked into the building. “Oh Sweetheart… I’m so happy you’re feeling better. Josh told us all about your stomach bug.” Karen began, reaching out to hold your hand in hers. 

“Do you think you’re feeling up to playing today? If not, I'm more than ok asking someone else to help.” Kelly chimed in, with such sympathy in his eyes. 

“No no I’m okay I promise. If anything I’m just happy to be back.” It wasn’t entirely a lie, though it also wasn’t the full truth. 

You could see him across the sanctuary from you, being bombarded with questions from the youth kids as he sat on the edge of the stage. He looked over the kids' heads, seemingly thinking about how to answer a question, when his eyes landed on you. He broke into a grin, looking back at the kids and pointing in your direction. 

You smiled, taking that as a good sign, but as all of the kids that were standing with him turned and began to run towards you, the smile on his face dropped, and he stood from his spot, making his way over to his guitar and picking it up. He avoided any further eye context, and soon you were completely surrounded by kids squeezing you in a tight group hug. 

Each and every one of those children got an embrace from you before hopping over to Joshua and asking the same from him. Once the rounds were over you approached the stage, eyes locked on Jake for just a second of eye contact with him, he refused to give you that satisfaction. You gave up, letting your gaze fall upon Abigail who’s attention was now fully on Jake, eyeing him down from the pew. 

You had to remind yourself to breathe, but as Josh approached the microphone and gave you a shy smile, your body suddenly remembered how to do it once more.  

You sat at the keyboard, pulling out what you would need for worship before looking out over the people coming into the church. Your parents smiled as you caught their gaze, waving quickly before turning to say something to the twins parents. Both Karen and Kelly looked up at you with warm smiles, still talking to your parents. 

Your own mother seemed to miss it when your gaze fell back to your keyboard, flickering up only briefly to look at Jake, who was already looking at you, but Karen noticed it. She also noticed the way that Jake's jaw clenched and he looked back down at his guitar. 

Any tension seemed to dissolve as Josh softly spoke into the mic, greeting the church. “As if this wonderful morning could have gotten better, we have Y/n back! No stomach bug can beat her huh.”

Completely dissociated from reality, you somehow managed to play through the morning almost flawlessly. It wasn’t until you heard the clink of the guitar being unplugged from the amplifier that your head whipped around and your mind came back to earth. 

You wanted nothing more than to speak to Jake, reason with him and word vomit all the thoughts that had been circulating through your head. When you went to stand, however, all you could hear was a near distant voice. “Sweetheart! Y/n!” Karen softly called out as she walked towards the stage. “Come on down here, I just have to talk to you about something really fast.” 

Jake walked past the two of you, rounding up the kids with Josh before heading for the sanctuary door. Josh hesitated before walking out of the door, turning to look for you. When he saw his mother ushering you into the prayer room, he suddenly felt both at ease, and on edge. 

Karen sat with you on the small couch, having closed the door behind her, and turned to look at you, a sympathetic look washing over her face when she saw how discombobulated you seemed. “How are you feeling, honey? You and Jake seem to be quite distant, I would have thought he would be excited to see you back after your stomach bug.”

You looked down at your lap, picking at the small balls of lint on the cuff of your sleeve. “Um… well-”

Karen gently placed her hands over yours. “Hey, you’ve got nothing to be worried about.”

You took a deep breath, nodding slightly before looking back at her. “I think Jake is unhappy with me, because in the last few months Josh and I have been getting… closer, in a romantic sense, and I’m just worried that if something does happen between the two of us… that Jake will be angry with me, and I really don’t want to lose him Karen, he’s my best friend.”

She immediately pulled you into a hug, squeezing you tight. “Oh, sweetheart. I don’t think it’s possible for either of those boys to be truly angry with you. They have adored you since you guys were little, you don’t have to worry.” It seemed like she could feel you tense up a bit, and she pulled away from you, placing her hands on your arms. “I’m serious, Y/n. I think if you just talk to Jake, and lay it all out for him, he may need to take a minute, but he’ll understand. He loves you, he wouldn’t do anything that could mean you wouldn’t be a part of his life.”

A warm tear ran down your face and Karen noticed, instantly wiping it away with the pad of her thumb. “The three of you were meant to live this lifetime together. Nothing is going to come between God’s will.” 

“Thank you… I needed to hear that, I think I’m going to talk to Jake later today.” She wrapped her arms around you then, giving you a big squeeze of confidence before pulling away and giving a shy wave as she left you alone in the room.

It took you a couple minutes to compose yourself before you had the strength to stand and walk out of the prayer room. You pulled the cuffs of your sweater down to engulf your hands, fiddling with the edges as you walked down to the youth room. When you opened the door, Jake was in the middle of talking to the kids, not even glancing towards you as you entered. 

Josh walked over to you, blocking you from the group of kids sitting on the couches and floor in front of you. “You alright, Y/n?”

You nodded your head, but when his hand brushed against your arm, you knew he wasn’t settling for a non-verbal response. “I’m alright, you’re mom just wanted to ask how I was feeling.” 

He still wasn’t satisfied, lifting an eyebrow at you. You made sure to keep your voice as low as possible, so that only he could hear. “She noticed that Jake’s being distant, and she asked me if anything was going on.”

His eyes softened, his fingers squeezing your arm gently before dropping back to his side. He led you over to sit at the back of the room with him as Jake continued to talk to the kids. 

He continued to avoid any eye contact with you throughout the lesson, looking at you only once he was done and you and Josh were meant to stand with him at the front. “I think we should finish up today with a game. Does everyone remember how to play serpent and saint?” 

Most of the kids said yes, but a few were foggy on the rules. “Okay, it seems like a couple of you could use a refresher. Y/n can you give them the rules?”

You were surprised that he had asked you, and your head quickly turned to the side to look at him. You smiled at him, nodding your head before turning back to the kids. “Alright. This is how it goes, all of you are going to stand around in a circle and close your eyes. Josh is going to tap the serpent once, and the saint twice. Then the game begins, and all of you can look at each other. The serpent is going to try to make eye contact with one of you, and stick out their tongue. If you aren’t the saint, and you make eye contact with the serpent, you’re dead, and you have to go sit on one of the couches. If the saint catches the serpent though, the serpent dies and the game restarts.”

The kids all eagerly formed a circle, shutting their eyes tight and waiting to feel the tapping of Josh’s hand against their shoulder. He walked around the circle a few times, picking the saint first, then the serpent before walking back to where you and Jake were standing silently next to each other. 

You watched as Josh began the game, and all of the kids began anxiously looking at each other. The round lasted less than five minutes, the kids all cheering when the saint caught the serpent with their tongue out. 

Josh had your attention as the next round started, walking around the circle and looking at you as he pointed to kids, silently asking you which should be the serpent, and which should be the saint. You couldn’t help the giggles that escaped you as you watched him loudly shuffling around, trying to throw off his pathing for the kids. 

By the time the round ended, you had barely even looked beside you to see if Jake was as entertained as you were by the kids antics, but when they all settled, and Josh told them to start making their way back to their parents, you figured it was a good time to ask if Jake would speak with you before you both left. 

When you turned to look for him, he was nowhere to be found. You walked up to Josh, the two of you falling into step as you followed the kids back up to the sanctuary. “Have you seen Jake? I wanted to talk to him.”

Josh shook his head, opening the sanctuary door for you and ushering you through. “I haven’t, he probably came up a bit early to talk to our parents.”

You looked around, finding your parents and theirs yet no sign of Jake. So after everything was wrapped up you looked around the parking lot and realized that his car was long gone. Josh passed you a sympathetic glance. “How about instead of dropping you off back at your apartment, we go to ours. I know you don’t want to ambush him, but at least we know that’s where he is.” 

You nodded at his idea, twiddling your thumbs nervously as you entered Josh’s car. The ride home was absolutely agonizing as you repeated every single point you wanted to make over and over again until you had it memorized. You didn’t want to risk leaving anything out. Josh ushered you up to their apartment door and was shocked when the key was of no use, as the door was left unlocked. 

The two of you entered together, looking around to find Jake but it wasn’t until you heard the buzz of his guitar from his bedroom, that you knew where he was. Josh was the first to peak his head in, grabbing Jake’s attention to let him know he was home. 

Once Josh retreated you walked up and pushed the door open. “Hey Jake, can we talk?” 

Jake side eyed you, and with no verbal response he slid his headphones down towards his neck and scooched over the slightest bit on his bed. 

You took it as a good sign, and shut the door behind you as you found a seat on the little corner of bed Jake allowed you to have. The shut door was Josh’s que to give you both privacy, and while he didn’t have anywhere to go, he decided waiting outside the door of the apartment was the best place to be.

“Jake, I know you’re upset with me, and I understand why. I’m not here to try and change your mind on that.” You began, staring at the little grooves on the hardwood floor. “I just need to explain my feelings right now because I don’t know what else to do.” 

“Go on.” After so many days of not hearing him respond to you, just hearing those two words was like a weight had lifted from your shoulders, though you weren’t in the clear yet. 

“You and Josh have always been there for me. Always. The two of you were the first people, and really the only people to welcome me in this town when my family moved here.” You began, not quite gaining all of his attention yet.

“Even as a child, I knew that Josh and I had a strong connection in a way I didn’t quite understand. Different from how I connected with you.” God you hated his silence after you spoke, but you were happy that he was at least hearing you out. But finally, you saw his mouth open.

“So if you knew it would always be Josh, why did you even agree to this? Why didn’t you just turn me away.” He cut, with no emotion behind his tone. 

“I don’t know how else to explain it besides I did want you. I wanted to know what it felt like, I’m not saying I don’t have attraction to you, Jake. Because I truly do, and have for a long time. I just have more of an emotional connection with Josh and that means so much to me.” You nearly began to blush as you admitted it. Sure you had fucked him on multiple occasions but to tell him you were attracted without hormones involved was something different. 

“I would keep having you if I could, and I know that’s so fucking selfish of me Jake because you keep getting hurt. At the end of the day,  Josh and I just have that emotional bond.” You went to press your hand upon his cheek, and while you expected him to pull away from you he didn’t.

“I think a part of me always knew that, I’ve seen the two of you grow up together and there’s just always been that spark there. I won’t lie and say I’m not jealous, and this doesn’t fucking hurt. I also won’t lie and say I didn’t know this would be how it ended.”  Jake looked up into your eyes.

“The last thing I ever wanted was to hurt you like this, and it’s been chewing me apart on the inside to know I did this to you, to my best friend. I love you too Jake, I truly do.” 

“You know. When Josh told me about what happened in the youth room. I nearly choked on my damn ramen. I was so surprised. Not a blindsided surprise, just surprised it actually, finally happened.” Jake continued, and your eyebrows sunk in confusion of his confession of how Josh told him everything that happened that day. 

“He told me he was fine if I tried to have you, and I knew that the two of you had it first and I still interjected, so it looks like the both of us are guilty of being selfish.” You didn’t know what else to do besides let out a laugh.

“All I want is for you to forgive me. I want to have my best friend back.” You were practically begging as you held onto his arm for dear life.  “Even if it means I have to be civil with Abigail.” 

Jake let out a harsh laugh, almost throwing his head back to do so. “That was the worst date I have ever been on. Do not worry, you will not be seeing us together any time soon. I said it before and I’ll say it again, that girl has too much saliva for her own good, I can’t believe I even gave her a kiss goodnight.” 

“So, does this mean you aren’t going to leave me behind either?”

“I was never going to actually leave Y/n… I just needed time to process everything. Get used to everything. Get rid of my jealousy.” He leaned over, his head landing upon yours. “Do you want to know what Josh told me when you called him that night you came over for the first time?” 

You nodded eagerly, just happy you were able to hear Jake’s voice again after so long without it.

“You know how I feel about her, Jake. If I get the chance, I’m going to take it. I love you, but it’s always been her for me, and if I get the chance, I want her to be my girl.” Jake recited from memory, letting his arm move across your shoulder. 

You could see him regain his confidence with you, sliding his headphones off his neck to place them on the bed. He leaned in, giving you a quick kiss on the cheek. “I think you should go and get your man, if you are still open to taking advice from your best friend that is…”

His words left you a bit shellshocked, you had shut your eyes at some point, holding back the anxious and relieved tears that had been welling along your waterline. He chuckled at your state of shock, and slid from the bed. He kneeled down in front of you, placing one hand on your calf, and using the other to cradle your face. “Take a breath, Y/n. I’m not going to disappear when you open your eyes.”

The words slid from between his lips, and any remaining weight on your shoulders seemed to melt away. The last time you heard those words, they were coming from yourself. Your hand gently placed against his cheek as your thumb brushed along his bottom lip. You opened your eyes, meeting his gaze and smiling. He returned the smile, the hand that was holding your face slid from its spot, leaving some residual warmth in its place as Jake booped your nose and dropped it to rest on your other calf. “So, what do you say? Are you going to tell him that you're hopelessly in love with him, or do I have to do it?”

You rolled your eyes at him, gently punching one of his shoulders. The sound of your laughter was both breaking him, and soothing the ache, but he was just happy that he was able to hear it again after so long without it. His fingers slid along the soft fabric of your leggings until they reached your boots, and he kindly re-tied the laces for you. “So you don’t trip before you fall head over heels for that idiot.” 

“I fell for him a long time ago.” You leaned over to grab his hands when he was done tying your shoes, and stood with him, keeping his hands locked with your own. “But I sure am grateful to have someone that ties my shoes so I don’t get hurt.”

You could feel the hum vibrating through his chest as you pressed your lips to his cheek, and when you pulled away, his eyes were closed. He opened them as your hands slid from his, and he walked you to his bedroom door, opening it. “Hurry up now, Josh is probably sitting in the hallway wondering when the bomb is going to drop.”

He watched as you made your way towards the front door, nervously readjusting your clothing as you walked. You took a moment at the front door to take a few deep breaths before pulling it open. Josh was leaning against the wall across from the door, his eyes lifting the second he heard the creak of the hinges. 

The uneasy look on your face gave him the impression that the talk hadn’t gone the way you wanted it, and he leapt to action immediately, closing the distance between the two of you and reaching for your hands. “How did it go? Is he still pissed off at you? Cause I will go talk to him right now if that’s-”

“I love you, Josh.”

“-what it takes to get him to speak to-” He stopped talking before he could finish the sentence. “What?”

You smiled, watching as the unsure smirk formed on his plump lips. “I love you.”

He broke out in a grin that you had seen so many times in your life. It was the same smile he gave you the first day you met, the same as the first time you called him your best friend, and when you danced with him at prom. It was the same smile he gave you when he realized that there was more meaning behind your words when you told him you appreciated him. 

“Fuck, angel, I love you too.” His voice was breathy in disbelief, and he pressed both palms upon your cheeks to pull you in for a kiss. “My angel.” He was as out of breath as a marathon runner as he whispered against your mouth but nevertheless he went back in for more. 

The sound of a door down the hall closing pulled the attention of the two of you, and for another minute, you simply stood there staring at each other. Josh looked briefly at the door to his apartment before looking back at you. “Is it safe to reenter?” 

You giggled, taking his hand and pulling him along behind you. “I think we should give him a bit of space.”

“I’m assuming everything is okay then? Right?” You questioned, following behind you as you dragged him down to the parking lot, he was radiating excitement as you reached his car. 

“Better than okay, it went so much better than I had imagined. I guess your mom really does know you guys.” Walking over to the passenger side of the car you couldn’t help but to giggle when Josh almost shoulder checked you out of the way to open the door for you. 

He was vibrating with emotions, hands shaky as he shut the door behind you. You watched as he looped around to the driver side of the car, and turned to face an innocent bystander who had also been making his way to his car. “Hey!” His voice had you leaning over to see what he could possibly be yelling at. “She loves me!” He pointed down at you then. 

This just earned an awkward thumbs up from the stranger as he hurried to get into the driver's seat of his own vehicle. You couldn’t stop the crimson blush that crept up your chest to your cheeks. 

“Joshua. You did NOT have to do that.” You giggled through your whisper, shaking your head as you lowered your hand onto his thigh.

“I would want nothing more than for the whole world to know that you love me.” He spoke, moving his hand to intertwine with yours and he gave a firm squeeze to your fingers. 

As the car pulled out of the parking lot you were thankful. Thankful for the moments you had with Jake, thankful that after everything and at the end of the day he was still your best friend. Thankful that Josh had such a strong admiration for you that he would scream it from the rooftops. 

The whole car ride you reminisced on those thoughts, reliving the past few weeks on repeat and how you wouldn’t have changed them for the world. It wasn’t until the car stopped idling that you realized you were in the parking lot of your own apartment. 

“Thank you for driving me home Josh.” You spoke out, index finger rubbing circles against the palm of his hand. 

You couldn’t describe the look on his face, shyness maybe? You watched as the apples of his cheeks turned pink. “Do you mind if I stay awhile?” 

“I’m sorry, are you really asking me that?” You pointed to yourself, scoffing and slipping your fingers between his. “I would love for you to stay awhile.”

Josh held your hand for a couple minutes, gently rubbing his thumb against the back as you watched him. “Can we go inside now, it’s fucking cold out here.”

Josh chuckled and let your fingers slip from between his, stepping out of the driver's side and scurrying over to your side before you could open the door for yourself.

Your frigid fingers fumbled with the lock to your apartment door, and after many failed attempts you finally had it unlocked. “I thought I was about to freeze to death out here.” Josh teased, walking behind you and into your pre-warmed apartment. 

“Ha. ha. You’re SO funny Joshua. When is the next comedy special airing?” You gave him a soft jab to the shoulder and you made yourself comfortable.

 Your shoes were slid off and placed on the rack besides the entryway. “I have to piss. I’ll be right back.”

Without a thought to it you waved him away and plopped down on your couch, immediately turning on the tv to whatever show appeared first to distract your mind while you waited for his return. 

One whole episode went by before you had realized Josh had yet to return. “Josh make sure to use the Glade when you’re done, I don’t want you to —“ you could see his eyes peering sideways from around the hallway, his hair taken by gravity and falling downwards towards his ear. 

You watched his fingers as it softly gripped the corner of the wall. “Hey, can you come look at this for me?” 

Hesitantly you stood from the couch and rounded the corner. Josh grabbed ahold of your hand and led you to your bedroom door that had remained shut since you left for church. 

Josh cautiously placed your hand upon the handle of the door, allowing you to be the one to twist the knob and push it open with a soft click as he shuffled to be behind you.

The lights were dimmed, small flickering candles placed on each piece of furniture. The warm hue to the room felt inviting. Safe. A few of the candles had a wood wick and the ambient crackling sound was almost lulling you to sleep. 

“Josh what is this?” You began, but felt his warm lips hovering against the baby hairs on your neck.

When he spoke his voice was as quiet as a mouse. “Sometimes… When I would think about our first time, I would think of something like this.” His hands gently caressed your shoulders, traveling ever so softly downwards to your elbows. 

You hummed, leaning into his touch. He pressed a delicate kiss behind your ear and let out the slightest chuckle. “Not that I would change it, believe me. That day changed my life… but if I could have done it the way I originally wanted to, it would have lasted a hell of a lot longer… and been more private.”

“Oh really?” You couldn’t stop the smirk that had formed on your lips as his hands wandered to your waist. “Care to share all the naughty little details?”

His hands squeezed your waist for a split second before traveling to the buttons of your cardigan. “I’d much rather show you.”

The way his fingers popped open the button had your chest still from holding your breath. “I’ll gladly let you show me.” Your voice was delicate as you bent your head to watch as his hands moved to the second button.

“I hope I don’t disappoint.” He spoke against the nape of your neck, planting his lips to your freshly goosebumped skin. 

The second button of the cardigan was freed “You could never disappoint, Josh.” He made quick work of the last few buttons before he tugged at the shoulders to slip the fabric from your arms. 

He was just as delicate as he slid the long sleeve out from its tucked position in your skirt, tapping your hands lightly to get you to lift your arms as he slid the shirt up your torso. He made sure to keep his pointer fingers freed from the fabric, ghosting them up your side as he lifted the shirt. The contact made your entire body tingle, and you let your head fall against his shoulder once your shirt was on the floor. 

Once your torso was nearly bare, you felt the palm of his hand fall down to your stomach, his fingers turned towards the floor. “When you first asked me if I ever thought about pleasuring myself… to you.” His breathy words sent a chill up your spine as his palm snaked downwards. “I thought about it all the time. Cherishing you.” 

You sucked in a breath once the tips of his fingers began to tease the zipper of your skirt. “It’s okay to breathe, angel.” He teased as the small zipper was lowered. Josh took his time shimmying the skirt from your thighs. 

You watched the way his fingers traced along the elastic of your tights. He dipped his hand beneath the soft fabric, and you could practically hear the gears in his brain turning as he attempted to slide them down your hips. You couldn’t help the giggle that bubbled from you as he struggled to get the tights down without pulling your panties down with them. He tried once, then pulled them back up, trying a second time with a hand holding the lace of your panties, but even then your panties began to slip with the tights. 

His hands stopped moving as a deep sigh left his mouth, trying one last time, and failing. “You know what, fuck it. Everything is coming off anyways.”

With one firm tug he pulled your tights and panties down to your knees, the cool air infiltrating you once warmed legs. Josh fell to his knees and used his hands to spin you around so he could just stare at your gorgeous pussy. 

Being more gentle now, he pulled the leggings off one leg at a time and was a bit dramatic when he balled up the clothing and tossed it to the side. “God just look at that. Crafted to perfection. You’re so damn divine I could just—“ He interrupted himself as he stuck his tongue between your thighs to get a taste of the juices you already had spilling out of you. 

Your eyes rolled at the feeling, remaining glued to the ceiling as he kissed along your thighs. “I thought I was showing you all the ways I want to love you… so why are your eyes not looking at me.”

At his words your neck relaxed and let your head fall downwards to look upon his head of curls. “Just… feels so good Joshy.” You cooed, running  your fingers through his chestnut locks. 

“It’ll feel so much better if you watch me do it baby…” He continued to kiss across your thigh, biting at the skin at random. All the while, his hands were softly caressing your hips and waist. 

His right hand slid downward and snaked its way between your legs. He let his thumb do a few quick swipes across your clit and his mouth fell open. “Is this all for me?” He pulled his thumb away slowly and you watched as the glistening bridge of arousal finally broke with the distance. 

Without a thought he slid his thumb between his lips and hummed contently as he savored the taste. “Do you not know the answer to that by now?” You sighed, in disbelief of his actions. 

He gave you a knowing smirk and shook his head. “I wanna hear you say it, angel.”

His eyes caught the movement of your hand as it slid down your torso, and he expected you to do what you always had. He waited for the feeling of your fingertips between his curls, but watched instead as your fingers followed the same path as his, coating your middle and ring finger in your arousal before lifting them to his lips. The smirk on his face twitched for a moment before he wrapped his lips around your fingers. “It’s all for you, Josh. Everything I have to give is for you.”

Watching as his cheeks hollowed around your fingers, you let out a low huff of disbelief at the sight. You knew what he would do, but just watching it happen was an entirely different story. “Now it’s your turn to talk. I wanna hear how good I taste.” 

He pulled off your fingers with a soft pop of his lips. “You taste phenomenal, angel. Could taste you forever…” He was an addict as he lowered his head down to shove his tongue against your folds and lap at them desperately. His nose was pressed so far against your skin that you pitied him and raised your leg up to prop against your bed, giving a full ninety degree angle for him to work with.

You refused to stop looking upon the gorgeous sight before you, his neck craned upwards as he worked his tongue around your clit. You could see his heartbeat racing through his raised artery, the muscles in his neck protruding alongside it. You let out a gasp, as his hands landed upon your asscheeks, his fingers digging into the meat of them to pull you harshly against his mouth. 

“So fucking delicious.” The sound was heavily muffled but you could still hear the praise as clear as day. 

Your balance was already questionable, so as one of his hands twisted your hip, and the other lifted the one foot you had planted on the floor, you fell back against the bed. Josh let you readjust and get comfortable, leaving small trails of kisses along your thighs as you caught your breath. What you hadn’t realized was that his fingers were playing along the trails his lips were making. 

He waited for your eyes to lock on his again before pressing a kiss against your clit, shooting you a wink as he slowly stuck out his tongue to display it for just long enough to hold your attention. You cocked an eyebrow at him, and though you expected him to use it, you instead felt the teasing of two of his fingers at your entrance.

It was excruciating, the way he playfully rubbed circles against your opening with the tops of his fingers. You could tell he enjoyed watching you squirm from the soft singular laugh that escaped his lips. “Tell me what you want, angel, I’m not a mind reader.”

He let those two fingers rub your moisture upwards, circling around your clit a few times before falling back to the entrance. “J-Josh… I want to feel them, your fingers. I need them inside of me.” 

“Where are your manners?” He laughed out, pressing the tip of his index finger inwards ever so slightly. 

“Josh, please.” The whine came straight from your throat as you leaned forward to watch him.

“Such a good girl…”

He looked entranced by the sight of his fingers sinking further and further into you, his tongue stuck out just past his lips. He let the moisture fall upon your clit, swirling around the nub slowly as he began to work his fingers inside of you, giving the slightest curl upwards at the end of each thrust. 

He whimpered and hummed as he continued to please you, enjoying it all too much himself.  As your eyes traveled down his body, you watched as his lower half desperately found friction by grinding slowly against the edge of the bed. “Josh… Josh, stop.” You whispered

He looked at you with such sorrow in his eyes, as if he did something horribly wrong and was only a second away from apologizing before he watched you scoot over on the bed. “I want you to lay down for me okay?” You directed, and it didn’t take long for him to obey. 

He laid beside you on the bed, and you motioned for him to scoot further upwards, the idea in your mind was one you never thought you would have the confidence to replicate. As he laid there, fully clothed and throbbing for any sense of friction, you carefully undid his belt and pulled the pants from his legs. 

One long breath out later and you gained the courage to position one knee across each side of his head, and you pushed those knees further to the side to lower yourself right above his lips. Josh’s hands flew upwards, grabbing at your hips once he understood what was happening. What he didn’t expect was for you to slide your torso forward, your lips caressing the tip of his cock. 

His hands ran from your hips, downwards to the small of your back and pushed down upon it to bring you to his impatient tongue. In return, you slid the tip past your lips and found it surprisingly easy to let the rest of his length glide down your throat. 

You had one hand gripping the sheets beneath you, your fists so tightly clenched that your knuckles were turning white. The other hand was planted firmly on his thigh, your fingernails leaving small crescent shaped marks in his soft skin.

The vibrations of his moans against you as he licked and sucked at your clit had you struggling for breath, even more than you already were. He was squirming beneath you, seemingly trying to stop from bucking his hips up, but even with the attempt at restraint, when your nails dug into his thigh, his hips lifted, driving his tip to hit the very back of your throat. His head fell back against the pillow, a deep groan slipping from between his lips. 

You nearly gagged, your spit thickening from the friction of his dick against your throat. In need of a breath, you pulled away from him and inhaled through your mouth. Josh heard every single sound your mouth made during that moment, and his only response was to push your core so deeply upon his mouth, that his tongue had nowhere to go besides right inside your cunt. 

When he was in need of a breath himself, he pulled off and let his tongue flick around your clit with a desperation you had yet to see from him. Using your hips to his advantage, he shimmied you across his face, encouraging you to ride his lips. 

“If you don’t stop now Jo–” You began, and he could feel in the shaking of your legs what the rest of  your sentence was going to be, so instead of stopping he only sucked your clit into his mouth and gave a decent smack to your asscheek. 

“It’s cute you think I’m not going to make you cum more than once tonight.” He groaned upon your cunt, working tirelessly to bring you to that groundbreaking orgasm you could feel building up inside of your stomach.

It was there, and he knew that. You twitched upon his lips and once he brought you to orgasm your body tried its best to get away from the stimulation. Josh was prepared with both arms wrapped tight around your hips, pulling you in deep and keeping you from wiggling away. 

He laughed against you as you squirmed, “You’re not getting away, angel.” Your head fell forward against his thigh as he worked you through the rest of your orgasm. Oh so softly, he let the tip of his tongue tease your clit, the feeling of the warm moisture sending your hips twitching with sensitivity. 

He rolled you off of him and readjusted so he was hovering over your mouth, his hand caressing your cheek. “I love you.”

You looked up at him, and with eye contact his thumb wiped away the tears that had formed.“I love you too Josh.” 

“Do you love me enough to let me give you more?” He trailed his finger down towards your breasts, gently flicking across your aroused nipple. “Because I’ll keep going until you say stop…” He lowered to press his mouth against the shell of your ear. “Even if that means we’ll be here all night long.”

Your whimper was music to his ears, and he coaxed you further. “Sorry, angel, what was that?”

“Would it be selfish of me to say I wanted more? So much more…” With that statement, he slipped between your legs, pushing them further apart with his knee. It was then that he lined himself up with your core, gently pushing himself past your folds. 

“Not selfish at all, my angel…Fuck.” The way he rolled his hips was so purposeful and passionate that your eyes rolled into the back of your head.  His hands were desperately grabbing at your cheeks as he silently begged for you to stare into his eyes. “I love you. I love you so fucking much.” He whispered, adding a bit more pressure to every thrust of his hips. 

“Josh, I love you too.” He lowered downwards so his stomach was pressed against yours, yet he still rocked his hips flawlessly, his dick filling every single inch inside of you. He whimpered against your neck, overwhelmed by the pure combination of the sensation of lust and love. 

His mouth fell open as he let out breaths against your neck, breaking up the puffs of air with short lived grunts. “I don’t think I’ll ever get used to how good your pussy feels.” 

His words had you arching your back off the bed to give him further access to the very place he was praising. “Please don’t ever stop…” You groaned out at the new positioning. “Oh fuck Josh don’t. Fucking. Stop.”

Once again you felt a warmth shooting up your spine, and with every single roll of his hips that warmth grew into a blazing fire. Your hands reached out to grab hold of the sheets. Your eyes clenched so tightly shut that your eyebrows almost touched together. 

And just like that you were once again tumbling down the cliff that was your orgasm. More sensitive than the first time around it brought a tear to the corner of your eye. 

“One more… Let me give you one more, please.” Josh was begging, in awe of you as you let your muscles relax back down. With little energy you gave him a nod. 

Little did you know that two would be quickly multiplying into four and you were at the point of sobbing once you reached orgasm, yet a part of you still never wanted it to end. Every position that man could think of he had you in, all the while whispering sweet I love you’s against the shell of your ear. You never wanted Josh to leave. 

“Okay baby… I think you’ve had enough.” Josh wiped the tear from the corner of your eye, moving you closer to his body so he could bring you in for a kiss. He rocked his cock so gently inside of you, watching as the pleasure made you wince in overstimulation. “Don’t worry. I’m close, so close.” His teeth were clenched as he spoke. 

His eyes squeezed shut, his mouth agape as little breathy whimpers escaped them. You had grown to cherish the feeling of his warmth inside of you every single time he came. It got to a point where you simply just wanted to have that feeling for eternity. So once Josh was finished, his eyes relaxing to take you in, you whined when he went to pull away. 

“Stay. Please.” You wrapped your leg around him to hold him into place. “Just stay like this with me for a while longer.”

“Anything for you, my angel.” He kissed the words against your cheek as his body relaxed into place between your legs. You glanced down at his glistening skin, running your hand across his cheek and you adored the way his eyes closed in response. 

“Was that everything you imagined it to be?” 

“It was everything I ever wanted, and more.” His response was genuine and kind as he rested his chin between your breasts to look up at you. 

“You know…I enjoy how the person I had my first time with, was also my first kiss.” The softest of whispers traveled down Josh's curl, landing directly upon his eardrum. 

His eyes widened for a moment, before furrowing in confusion. “Wasn’t Jake your first kiss?”

That’s when it hit you. That day at the ice cream shop, you had never clarified that Jake wasn’t your first kiss, you only told Josh that his brother had simply told everyone that. “My first kiss was with you. When we got ice cream…” 

You could see he was still confused so you continued. “Jake lied to those guys to stop them from using me as a pawn… I was upset about that, I never kissed Jake. It was only you, always.” 

His teeth began to peak out from his grin, and he couldn’t stop himself when he leaned forward to slam his lips against yours. The excitement drove him forward, pushing his semi-hard dick deeper inside of you, eliciting a moan. 

“Calm yourself, I am not physically stable enough for an accidental round.” You teased, gripping his shoulders in an attempt to steady him. 

The two of you fell into a comfortable silence, slowly trailing your fingers across his shoulder blade and up into his curls. Every once and a while he would readjust for comfort, leaving the two of you wincing at the feeling of him still half-hard inside of you. 

Josh felt the rumbling of your stomach, and lifted himself to hover over you. “You hungry, love?”

As if on cue, you could hear the muffled sound of Josh’s phone ringing. He reluctantly pulled out of you, smirking at the whine that slipped from between your kiss swollen lips. He checked the pockets of his jacket, the bedside table, and most of the floor before finally locating his pants and fishing his phone from the back pocket. 

You watched as he walked back over to the bed, sitting on the edge and answering the phone. “Hey mom.” You giggled as quietly as you could, and he turned to look at you, squinting a bit as he listened to his mom's response. “Yeah sorry, I put my phone down earlier and forgot where it was, didn’t hear it ringing until it was almost too late.”

He continued to watch you as you slid from beneath the covers and made your way to the bathroom. “Yeah, I’m with her right now.” You turned to look at him before you had the chance to shut the bathroom door, raising an eyebrow at him. “Yeah, she talked to him. She’s right here, I can just hand her the phone if you’d like to talk to her.”

You stood still, waiting to see what her verdict was, and Josh just lowered the phone from his ear. “She wants to know if we’d like to go over for dinner tonight.” 

You smiled, then thought about it for a second, and Josh could see your demeanor change. “Can I get back to you in a couple minutes, she’s right in the middle of something.” He waited for an answer, keeping his gaze locked on you. “Okay, I’ll text you what we decide. Love you.”

The second Josh hung up the phone he let it drop to the mattress beside him and stood, making his way over to you. “What’s wrong, Y/n?”

“Is Jake gonna be there?”

He sighed, reaching out to take your hands in his, lifting them to press gentle kisses against your knuckles. “Probably, are you worried? I thought you said things were alright between you two.”

You sighed, nodding a bit and squeezing his hands. “We are, it’s just- he said he just needed some space to get over the jealousy he was feeling, and I just can’t help but feel like it would be unfair to him.”

Josh nodded along in understanding, letting one of your hands go and placing his on your waist to pull you closer. “I can tell her that we’re just planning on staying in tonight, if that’s what would make you comfortable. But I sure would like to take you to dinner with my parents for the first time as my girlfriend, and Jake is still your friend, he’ll be happy for you, even with the jealousy.” 

He pulled you close, leaning forward to press a kiss to your cheek. “Plus, he’s going to have to get used to seeing the two of us together, because you’re my girl, and there’s no way I’m letting you go.”

A small smile grew on your lips, and you nodded. “You’re right. Let your mom know that we’d love to join them for dinner, I’m gonna jump in the shower.”

As you stepped away from him, he kept your hand tightly wound with his own. “Hey, angel.” You hummed as you turned to look at him, and he squeezed your hand. “It’s you and me, always. Right?”

“You and me, Josh. Always.”

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[tonguetiedraven]

I dare you to write whatever the heck you want

I have written half of the fic I want, and I'm going to post the other half on my second dare, lol. Thank you very much for the dare, and the push to do something I want :)

— — — — — — — —

Title: Knit Happens

Summary: Ryuuji Suguro has been knitting since he was eight, and if he has any luck, no one will ever find out.

Izumo Kamiki has been crocheting since she was eight, and if she has any luck, no one will ever find out.

As it turns out, neither of them have any luck.

Part: One (you're here.)

— — — — — — — — —

“Ryuuji, sit down!” Torako snapped, her eye twitching as she caught Ryuuji by his ear. He tried to break away, but she pulled him into the inn. 

“But ma!” 

“No buts! Sit down.” 

Ryuuji sat down (he wasn’t an idiot) and scowled (he was a bit reckless.) 

“Honestly! What’s wrong with you?” Torako huffed as she slid the door shut. Still scowling, Ryuuji glared at the floor and didn’t answer. He was angry, but she wouldn’t listen. She’d just tell him to stop thinking about the temple and focus on his studies. Like he wasn’t already doing that. 

“What are we gonna do with you?” She sat down across from him, staring at him like he was a puzzle she could pick apart if she just looked long enough. He didn’t like that look. He’d never really liked being studied like that.

Still… part of him always wanted her to figure it out, while most of him just wanted to be left alone so he could go punch something. Maybe a pillow. 

“Why are you always so angry?” She finally sighed. 

Ryuuji slouched and fisted his hands against his knees. “I ain’t angry!”

“And now you’re lying.” She huffed out an irritated breath and reached for her basket of yarns and ribbons. “Fine. We’ll just sit here until you feel like chatting.”

Ryuuji immediately scowled as defiance welled up in his chest. He hated being made to sit still, even though he loved it most of the time. He like meditating and chanting and concentrating and reading. He liked quiet things. Being made to do them though, that stole all the joy out of it. That made him twitchy and indignant and angry. 

“I’m not chatting.” He crossed his arms over his chest and glared at the side as his mother lifted her partially made blanket up. 

“No?” She asked quietly while her needles started to click together in a familiar rhythm. “You’re not?” 

“No,” he muttered petulantly. He tightened his fists and wished he could punch that pillow.

The clicking stilled. “No,” Torako finally murmured. “You’re not going to chat. You’re going to knit.”

Ryuuji’s eyes shot to her. “Am not! That shit’s for girls!” Torako’s eyes narrowed dangerously and Ryuuji swallowed nervously. Uh oh. “I mean,” he stuttered, “it ain’t manly. I’ll get… teased…”

Torako’s expression was dark. “What, little one, do you mean it’s for girls? Hmm?”

He could either grab the needles and hope she forgave him and accept a lot of teasing for this, or… Or he could try and fight.

Ryuuji wasn’t stupid, but he was very reckless. “That it’s girly! It’s all frilly, and… and—” agh! What was it? Why couldn’t he think of any words to explain the problem? It was just a thing girls did and boys didn’t. It was silly.

Yeah! “It’s silly!”

Torako’s eyes narrowed into dangerous slits. A shiver raced down Ryuuji’s back and he immediately wanted to apologize, but he was standing his ground. Or sitting his ground.

Slowly, holding eye contact the entire time, Torako reached into the basket at her side and drew out two large needles. She set them in front of her knees and lifted out a ball of bright red yarn. 

“You know what else is silly, Ryuuji?”

“No?”

She frowned.

“No ma’am.” 

Torako nodded her approval and lifted the knitting needles back up. “Stomping around the inn and causing a ruckus because your father was late to a meeting you weren’t part of.” 

“He shoulda—”

“And,” she continued, talking over him, “yelling and ruining other people’s afternoon when they’ve been working all day. It is also silly to declare something as useful and versatile as knitting silly. It’s silly to call an activity girly or boyish. It’s silly to put something as simple as looping yarn together in a category that you see yourself too good for.”

“It ain’t like that!”

Torako clicked her needles together and finished the row. It was mesmerizing how quickly and nimbly she manipulated the yarn and needles. It actually looked a little like when his father would go through his exercise with the prayer beads. Their ability to manipulate the yarn and beads was on the same level.

“It isn’t?” She asked softly, all signs of her earlier anger gone. “Then what is it like?”

“I… I don’t want to get teased.” 

She flipped the piece and started to knit back in the other direction. She did something different with the yarn, and it really was interesting to watch how she twisted and tied it and looped it without ever looking at the stitches. 

“Isn’t it sad how small-minded people are? How insecure they are that they have to find things in other people to tear them down with? Things that aren’t bad or silly, but things they can make them feel like are bad or silly? Like being the heir of a temple? Or growing up among such strong monks who fought off Satan himself? Or creating something warm and soft for a family member?”

Ryuuji watched her finger work and thought about the kids at his school. He thought about harsh words, and how he’d always been so proud of his home until their words.

He loved the sweaters and blankets and toys she’d made him. He loved wearing them, and he’d never thought it was silly to wear them.

“I… I guess.”

Torako nodded and picked up a strand of silvery yarn. “I can understand you not wanting to do it though. It is quite difficult.” 

What?!

Ryuuji straightened and scowled in indignation. “I could do it.” 

“Maybe… I don’t know. The more I think about it, the more I’m not sure you could. It’ll take a lot of patience to master. I’m not sure you—”

“I’m patient!” Ryuuji snatched the needles up and fumbled with the red yarn. He missed the delighted sparkle in his mother’s eyes, and he didn’t see his father giving an approving nod by the door as he gently slid the door shut again. 

— — — — —

Ryuuji was good at knitting, and the more he looked into it, the more he found out it was actually a tremendously useful skill. One with a lot of health benefits. Hell, he even sold a few items (never once admitting he’d been the one to create them.) He could do it anywhere, it eased the stress that always seemed to coil itself into a tight, angry knot in his neck and shoulders, it made his fingers more dexterous, and it helped fight against how cold winter always seemed. It also made it so much easier to patch his school uniform vests and sweaters. Exorcist work was a menace on the clothes, and money was not something he had a lot of.

To his personal pride, he’d never once been caught doing it. It might not be silly to knit, but the anxiety of getting caught and teased had never actually gone away. Ryuuji was teased mercilessly about a large number of things, and he was not giving anyone further ammo. 

He kept it a secret through demon king attacks, through fights against miasma, through fights against secret organizations, through long sleepless nights studying, through creepy walks through abandoned labs, through the awful cold of the first Satan fight, and even through the return to school and the stress of resettling.

As the new year progressed, he found himself knitting more and more to combat the stress, and really, it was inevitable. 

It was a scarf, which was both a blessing and a curse. A blessing because it at least wasn’t embarrassing, and a curse, because it didn’t really show off any of his skills. If he was going to get caught, he wanted to get caught looking talented. This was just a bland striped scarf. There wasn’t even any cabling. 

“This,” Ryuuji started, knowing it was pointless, “is not what it looks like.”

It took him a moment to realize Izumo was speaking in tandem with him, and that she was clutching something to her own chest. Focusing his slightly bleary eyes (he forgot to blink when he was concentrating on the tiny stitches) he realized that she was holding a bundled up bit of yarn and what looked like a partially made hat.

“Holy shit,” he yelped as she squeaked out a startled: “No fucking way!”

“You can’t tell anyone!” They shouted together, and part of Ryuuji wanted to laugh while the rest of him was worried about the partially open door. He carefully gathered his needles in one hand and grabbed her elbow with the other one. He gave her one good tug to pull her fully in the room, sat partially up in his chair, reached around her, and pulled the door shut again. He’d flip the lock, but none of the classrooms had any locks.

“Sit down,” he barked as he returned to his chair. He kicked his bag of yarn and half finished projects under the chair and ignored the scowl she gave him. 

Okay. He could save this. He could absolutely spin this so it didn’t look silly. It could be worse. Izumo could have come in without her own yarn, or it could have been someone else in the group.

Looking up, he locked his gaze on her face. She was looking away from him to glare at the wall. She had her arms crossed over her chest and her bundled up project half in her arms and half in her lap.

“It’s for aria practice,” he finally said. “It keeps my fingers limber and I can stitch magic circles or symbols in my stuff this way.”

Izumo’s head slowly turned towards him. Her face was bright red, her jaw was clenched, and her eyes were huge. She looked thoroughly flustered, and for a moment, she seemed to puff up with frustrated air and then—

“Bullshit!” She hugged herself tighter. “That’s not why you’re doing it!”

“Yeah?” He growled, straightening and clenching his needles too tightly. “Think you know—”

“You’re doing it because it’s fun!”

“Well so are you!”

“Yeah, but you don’t see me lying about it!”

“Just hiding it.”

Izumo opened and closed her mouth a few time before turning to glare at the wall again. “Well… it’s embarrassing!” Her voice went up a little, and somehow that made Ryuuji relax a little. They were both being stupid. 

“You knitting or crocheting?”

Izumo’s eyes shot back to him. “You… you know the difference?”

Yeah, he thought sarcastically, I do one of them.

“Yes.”

“Crocheting.” 

He nodded. He hadn’t seen her needles, and what he could see of the hat didn’t look knit.

She eyed him a moment longer. “That a scarf?”

He shrugged and shifted the needles around in his hands so he could continue his row. “It will be.”

Izumo’s body relaxed slightly. “The color combination… looks good.” She said it like it hurt a little to admit. He was proud of the combination, and it did look good.

Ryuuji’s own cheeks were warmer than he wanted to admit. Still, he clicked his needles together, working through a few stitches as he tried to force the tension from his hands and arms. 

“I won’t tell on you if you don’t tell on me.” He kept his eyes on his stitches as he spoke, trying to concentrate on keeping them even. He’d have a color change when he finished this row.

Izumo swallowed and her face twisted like she wanted to say something mean, but after a moment longer she took another breath and nodded hard. “Deal.”

He finished the row and switched colors. Izumo watched him like a spooked animal. 

Without quite meaning to, Ryuuji started to laugh. His needles slipped, and he almost lost a stitch, but he caught it at the last second and gave Izumo an amused smile. 

“I never woulda guessed it’d be you.”

Izumo clutched the edge of her seat. “Huh?!”

“I mean, it was likely someone else in the class did it, but I’d never have picked you.” He grinned, eyes a bit blurry from how hard he’d laughed. His stitches were loose. He tugged on the strand to tighten them and gave his head a fond shake. 

“I should have figured you out. I knew those patches on your sweater were hand done, I just thought it was your mother.”

Ryuuji shook his head. “Nah. I do ‘em myself. Cost too much to ship that shit back to Kyoto every time something gets ripped.” 

Izumo released the chair and slowly took up her hook. She gripped her hat tightly, and slipped the hook between the yarn. Ryuuji watched in mild fascination. His mother could crochet passibly, but she preferred knitting and only really crocheted dolls. Ryuuji hadn’t bothered to learn it yet.

“What?” She asked after a second of his staring. “Never seen someone crochet?”

Ryuuji shrugged and turned his row around. Two more rows of this color and he’d need to switch again. He made a few checks on his pattern and moved on.

“Just fun to watch. How long you been doing it?”

Izumo relaxed a little at his non-judgemental tone and zipped along her circle a bit faster. “I started after, uh, Maria.” 

Ryuuji nodded. He didn’t need more than that.

“You?”

“When I was eight. Ma wanted me to calm the hell down and made me knit.” He grinned, remembering how proud he’d been. “I made myself some shitty black handwarmers and thought I looked all edgy.”

Izumo laughed. “I made a scarf that I used to wrap around my face a bunch of times and thought made me look mysterious.” 

They slipped back into momentary silence, zipping along with their stitches and letting the sound of Ryuuji’s needles fill the air. Izumo asked him what yarn he was using, and he explained that it was some his neighbor in Kyoto dyed and sold, and she told him about the little craft shop at the bottom of the Academy town. 

When his alarm went off to let him know there was only seven minutes until class, he found himself a bit sad about it. He quieted the alarm and set to putting his yarn and needles away.

Izumo watched him do it with a small frown. She hid it when he looked at her, and hastily stuffed her own project in her bag. 

“You know,” she muttered as she zipped it close, “if you, uh, want to do this again sometime, or want to check out that shop, I, uh, probably wouldn’t be opposed.”

“Yeah,” Ryuuji said as Renzou’s grating crackle sounded in the hall. He hastily pulled out his book and splayed it open. “Sounds fun.”

The door opened and their classmates piled in, all rambling about random things, none the wiser.

[◺~(✿ ⇀ ‸ ↼ )~◿ : Tomorrow after PE. Don’t be late.]

Ryuuji stared at the text notification, kept his amused smile carefully hidden, and typed back a few words as Tsubaki strolled into the room.

[For the shop?]

The … of Izumo’s response popped up while Tsubaki turned to erase the previous class’s scrawls off his black board. 

[◺~(✿ ⇀ ‸ ↼ )~◿ : Yes.]

[I have a dragoon review after PE. I’m free at 4 pm.]

[◺~(✿ ⇀ ‸ ↼ )~◿ :  Fine.]

“Alright!” Tsubaki spun on his heel to face them, Ryuuji carefully turned his screen off, and tried not to think excitedly about what all sorts of yarns might be in that store. He’d have to wear some glasses and a hat so he wasn’t recognized, but it’d still be fun. At least Izumo’s purple hair stood out more than him.

— — — — — — — —

Or not. 

Izumo had on a wig, and it was quite probably the funniest thing ever that she not only owned a cosplay wig, but she owned a nice one. Everything in her body language made it clear she was ready to stab him with the houchoudou Lucy had given her, so Ryuuji kept his amusement to himself.

“Stop smiling like that!”

Mostly. 

He was in a bland gray shirt, some dull jeans, sneakers, and had a hand knit hat obscuring his hair, ears, and as much of his forehead as he could get away with. He had a thick scarf around his neck, sunglasses that covered his eyes, and a mask he’d put on in a minute to cover what all of that didn’t. He looked cold and a bit like he might be robbing someone. 

“Sorry,” he muttered, managing to more or less hide his smile. Izumo tweaked her wig and pulled on her own glasses, and Ryuuji felt bizarrely like he was going on a mission with Lewin again.

All so they could get some yarn.

“I don’t expect we’ll know anyone there,” Izumo muttered as she sashayed past Ryuuji and down the path. It was a bit annoying how clearly she expected him to follow her, but he did because he wanted to see the shop, and really, it was entirely too funny that they were even doing this. “But just to be safe, try and not sound like such a grumpy gorilla?”

“Hey!”

“Yeah, that’s what I’m talking about. Honestly, all that time trailing after Lightning, didn’t you learn to, I don’t know, change your voice or something?”

Ryuuji stuck his tongue out because she couldn’t see, and just decided he’d speak French if anyone talked to him. He’d make Izumo handle the interactions.  

The actual walk to the shop was pleasant. It was still winter cold, but Ryuuji was covered enough that he didn’t mind it, ad the sky was clear so it was bright and pretty. The winter flowers were still blooming, and only a few of their classmates were wandering about. It was easy to follow Izumo’s short self down to the lower levels, and he never saw anyone familiar. 

He had expected something cutesy, especially since it was obviously a place Izumo liked, but it wasn’t. It was colorful, not terribly big, smelled of the same sort of incense he used at his temple, and full of tempting types of yarn. There was bookshelf after bookshelf stuffed full of yarn, all different materials and colors and thickness, dozens of different types of craft supplies — supplies for crafts he didn’t know but now found himself immensely curious about — a few knit, crocheted, woven, and stitched wares, and an overall homey feel that made Ryuuji want to find a corner to nestle down in and stitch the afternoon away.

Ryuuji took one look around, found himself immediately charmed, and made a beeline for the wool. He had missed his father’s birthday in the utter madness of Satan’s attack, and he had wanted to make him a new hat and slippers. His father hated the cold, and without Karura, he had a feeling the winter would be even more miserable. They had a lot of yellow, and he quickly found a rich golden yellow that his dad would love.

“You like to use wool?”

“Yeah. Dad’s got allergies.”

“Huh.” Izumo eyed the wool like she wasn’t too impressed by it. Ryuuji stuck his tongue out again, thoroughly grateful for the mask. “I prefer the bamboo.”

“Always splits on me.”

“Of course it does.”

Ryuuji gave her a glare and grabbed a few skeins. It wasn’t too expensive, and he didn’t recognize the label. Was it handmade?

“What is this?” A too loud voice asked from somewhere in the shop. Ryuuji and Izumo both went entirely rigid. 

He knew that voice. 

“Yarn, sir?”

Ryuuji carefully tucked the yarn in his arm and took two steps to the end of the aisle where Izumo already was. Her mouth was hanging stupidly open, and following her gaze, he knew exactly why.

“Yeah, I get that,” Lewin ‘Lightning’ Light said as he peered down at a bundle of neon red yarn. “But what’s it made of?”

“Cotton?”

“Is it toxic?” Lewin asked, picking up one of the balls and peering at the label. “Say a snake ate it, would they be hurt?”

“A snake?” The clerk’s eyes were huge. “I—sorry?”

“Would it kill a snake? What’s it made of? Has it got any plastic in it?”

Ryuuji reached forward very carefully and wrapped his hand around Izumo’s shoulder. She stiffened at his touch, but before she could do anything else, Ryuuji jerked her back into the aisle and the cover of the merino wool yarn.

“I-I don’t know? You could… Ma-maybe bamboo? Or hemp?”

“Perfect!” Lewin exclaimed. “Osceola will love that!”

Osceola? Lewin was getting yarn for Redarm?

“Run,” Izumo squeaked. Ryuuji shook his head. He wasn’t fleeing the shop. Besides, you had to pass the cashier to get to the exit. They’d be seen. Nope. They were going to have to wait for Lewin to finish his shopping and hope the arch knight stayed on the other side of the shop. 

“We have some natural wools too,” the shopkeeper said, and Lewin beamed.

Shit.

A/N: I am a knitter and a crocheter, and it really is a great past time, but you will get teased about looking like an 80 year old. It's a personal head canon that these two do yarn crafts.

Also, this is the scarf Ryuuji was working on. It's a randomized stripe scarf based off True Cross' colors. You can use this site for making randomized stripe patterns and it's great! This is one I've used for a True Cross style scarf :)