#I think it was maybe even before because I made sure I deleted a self reblog of my og post

[bubblegumflavor]

Going into December with my favorite booyyys 🥰🥰🥰🧡🤎🩵🤍💛❄️🌟🎄

(I don't even know if it was now or before, but I accidentally deleted the original post so if you click on the reblog, it is empty. I'm sorry to bother you all again with this piece ^^;)

[velvet-n-lace]

Can You Suck Yourself Off? 💖

Series: Obey Me!

Genre: Smut/Headcanon

Word Count: 1.4k words

Pairing(s): The Brothers x Gender Neutral MC

Tags and Warnings: autofellatio, masturbation, humiliation, blowjob, fucking you so hard you lose your memory [NOT CLICKBAIT]

A/N: This has been a long time coming; I was initially gonna wait until 666 followers on my OM blog to start posting my writing, but with the recent developments of the games and people being afraid that OM fanfics will be deleted because of it, I decided to just post them now. I'm posting my AO3 stuff here, so if you can't wait for what I'm gonna post, you can just go read them on there; thanks ^^

rea the AO3 version here -> 🎀

Lucifer 💙

When you suggested it to him, it looked like he wanted to push you off the bed. To have you watch him suck his own cock is the last thing he wanted you to do. He covered your mouth and continued fucking you for the rest of the night, hoping you would forget that you even asked such a question.

After that steamy night, your lewd request was all he could think of.

“Ridiculous, I would never do such a thing...”

He stared down at his half-flaccid cock and made sure his door was locked. After stroking it hard again, he bent his head down and sucked down on it slowly.

“Ridiculous… ridiculous… ridiculous…”

Surprisingly, it made him realize the difficulty you have to deal with when you give him a blowjob; Luci is hard to impress, and even his self-sucking felt like it wasn’t enough; he wanted more and more of it.

After trying for a few minutes, he gave up and jacked himself off to take his mind off his half-assed attempt.

Asking him to do it in front of you would be like asking for a death wish, so he expects you never to bring it up again.

But he would certainly try again behind closed doors until he is ready to let you watch him do it~

Mammon 💛

“Are ya crazy!? I ain’t doin’ something that humiliating!”

Exactly what you’d expect, you pouted and asked him again.

“If you do, I’ll get Goldie back to you by tomorrow night.”

Mammon’s face went completely blank, and he immediately followed that up by stroking his cock to get it hard again. Lucifer took away his credit card again, and he was willing to do anything to win his precious Goldie back. He lowered his face to his cock and began sucking it viciously.

He really wanted Goldie back. Damn.

You watched in awe as he sucked his cock. He bobbed his head quickly, almost trying to get it over with, but he began enjoying this new method of self-pleasure. He glanced at you but only shut his eyes tightly before he sucked harder, making his whole body convulse. It turned him on even more as you touched yourself in front of him. He let his cum drip down his dick before it spurted on his face and into his mouth.

“Augh!! Y-You better… get my precious credit card back…” he panted as he lifted his head from his crotch.

He totally didn’t enjoy that… 

Leviathan 🧡

“Eh? S-Self-suck?”

“Do it, do it, do it!” You tell him.

Levi didn’t know what he was getting into, but whatever it was, he wanted to please you however he could. He leaned himself upside down against the bathtub bed, bent his legs down, and started sucking down on one of his cocks slowly.

His other cock began twitching as you stared at him hungrily; you took his other cock in your mouth and sucked alongside him.

His body convulsed, his moaning was loud, and his face was red as a beet. “This is so lewd omg omg. I can’t believe I'm doing this,” He thinks.

You can feel his heartbeat surging through his cocks; he almost begged you to do more to his body.

He writhed in ecstasy as you teased him some more. He shut his eyes as he got close to climaxing.

“Mmmmh… mmmmhh… mmmh… mmgh!!”

By the end, you could only hear his gasping and moaning as he came huge loads on his face. He looks up at you as he’s drowned in gratitude and arousal.

Satan 💚

He stared down at you with a confused look, maybe a bit disappointed that you asked him something he would immediately refuse to do.

“You’re very bold to assume I would do that…”

As soon as you left the room, he began thinking about it. He looked down at the bulge in his pants and sighed. “Tch…”

After unzipping them, his erection sprung free. It twitched in his hand, but he hesitated to bend down to lick the tip.

He felt a rush of heat flow through him; he had never felt such a strange sensation as his own member entered his mouth, and you also felt a surge of arousal the moment you walked in on him trying it.

“AH! Ugh… fine, watch.”

Satan worked his tongue down his own shaft, and you could feel his moaning getting louder the more flustered he got.

He looked up at you with a mixture of anger and desire; he was cumming soon, and he knew that the moment he finished, he would have his way with you.

He was trying so hard to hold back his release, knowing he had let his guard down for a moment. He took a deep breath, and his seed spurted across his face before he panted heavily. Later that night, he made sure to fuck that memory out of you.

Asmodeus 🩷

“Like I don’t do that anyway!” Asmo winks at you as he bends his legs over his head with ease, his demon cock dangling over his pretty mouth, “Enjoy the show. ♡”

He licks his lips before wrapping them around his sensitive cock-head. He keeps glancing at your face, in awe of his flexibility and self-pleasure, like you're craving his existence.

His eyes locked onto yours, and you could feel his intense heat emanating through his core; he pulled you in so you could help him out.

“Aaah... that’s right, lick the rest of it, suck on my balls while I suck myself off.”

He moaned in delight when you joined; his body was writhing in ecstasy as his thighs trembled and his moaning got louder.

He was on the verge of climaxing but acted as if it was only the beginning. His balls tightened in your mouth the more he laced his tongue down his shaft.

He let out a guttural groan as a wave of cum spilled all over his face.

His sweet seed filled his mouth, and as he caught his breath, he was ready for you to have a taste of him next~

Beelzebub ❤️

“Hmm…” He stared down at his cock, wondering if his mouth could reach a sliver of it, “I think so… I’ll try…”

He took a deep breath and bent toward his massive member; his tongue flicked out eagerly as he wondered what he tasted like.

He was fixated on his cock; he knew it was huge, but he never considered this method before you brought it up. Beel wanted it to feel as good as your own lips.

His eyes glaze over at you; bending down to take it was easy enough, but it was challenging to bring it all down to his throat.

“MC, can you lick the rest of it, please?”

You lick up what he couldn’t reach; his body tensed up, and his sucking got harder, desperate to taste his own cum.

“Mmmmh… mmmmhh… mmmh…”

Beel began to grunt and moan, your hands gripping his cock as he went down on his throbbing member.

You felt the heat of his saliva on your fingers; the remaining grunts filled your ears as he swallowed his load.

Belphegor 💜

“Mh? I’d rather you do it for me…”

“C’mon, please, just once,” you begged, “I’ll do it after you try,” the more you begged, the more he couldn’t resist your sweet, pleading face.

“Mmh… fine, “ Belphie grumbled, “but you need to help me…” He pulled down his pants and cupped his member already glistening with precum. He closed his eyes and leaned down to lick the tip before coughing up his salty taste.

It felt nice; his breathing became erratic the more he pressed his cock into his mouth.

“Suck on me too, please!” He begged.

You eagerly obliged and ran your tongue down his balls and shaft, making him tremble. His satisfied groan only made his cock swell in his mouth, but he was still unsatisfied with his half-assed attempt.

Your tongue helped him out immensely; he kept moaning harder as he begged you for more. He was really enjoying your pretty mouth teasing his shaft.

He pulled back so suddenly, and as he laid down panting, it didn’t stop you from finishing the job. You took his cock in your mouth and sucked down on it violently.

Your tongue swirled around the head, tasting his bittersweet essence. His moans grew louder and more intense, and as he let out a final cry, he came and realized it was all worth it in the end.

[azrielbrainrot]

Maybe We Could Be The Start of Something

Pairing: Band member!Azriel x College Student!Reader

Description:��Your friends invite you to a bar and you could never imagine who you'd meet there.

Word Count: 3294

Warnings: none

Notes: I had this idea after seeing this art and couldn't stop thinking about it. I actually had a lot of ideas for little stories in this universe but it makes sense to start with how they met. Also I know that's a terrible band name but I never had to name a band before okay. I didn't proofread this because I think I'd delete the whole thing if I did, sorry. This is really self-indulgent but I hope you like it!

Band AU masterlist

You could only blame yourself for agreeing to meet Viviane. Your skull felt like it was going to split open with this headache that has lasted all week. The only thing you wanted to do right now was try to sleep it off under your warm blankets, but instead you willingly came to a bar knowing it was just going to make it worse.

She's been telling you about this place and the bands that perform here occasionally for ages. Apparently it's a real hotspot for up and coming musicians ever since two bands made it big after starting out here. You've been turning her down for weeks so you had promised her that you'd finally come this friday, of course when you agreed you couldn't have known your week was going to be absolute shit. Though most of your days have been shit lately. That might be the actual reason Viv has been so insistent about you going out with her, she knew your mental health was ready to take a vacation and was just being a good friend.

This really hadn't been a good day to come though. Aside from your headache, your last class had also run late, making you lose your bus and barely have time to drop everything off at home and change to come meet your friends. As a little treat you also couldn't find your nice black skirt so you had to just wear jeans, you definitely needed the extra confidence the pretty skirt provided but the universe didn't seem to care about that.

The bar was already packed by the time you got there, you were almost being pushed around while you were searching for your friends. You look down at your phone to ask them where they are and see a text from Viv asking if you're still coming. Reading it makes you stop in your tracks. You can't really blame her for thinking you wouldn't show up since you've been declining every invitation lately, but seeing that she thought you wouldn't even give her a heads up hurt a little. You knew you had been distant lately but you were trying your best to deal with life and you never meant to do it at the expense of your friendships.

You're pushed out of your thoughts when someone taps your shoulder gently, making you look back at them. Turning your head you were faced with a muscular chest, slowly looking up a tattooed neck to meet beautiful hazel eyes staring back at yours.

“I'm sorry to bother you,” he says, breaking eye contact for a second before continuing, “but I think you dropped this.” He raises his hand so you can see him holding your keys. Your house keys, the ones you would undoubtedly only notice were missing when you went back home and tried to open the door. That would have been the cherry on the cake after this whole day. Maybe you should see a witch to make sure it's not actually a curse, no one should experience this much bad luck.

“Thank you so much,” you almost yell as you grab them from his hand in excitement. He just saved you from having no place to sleep tonight. You notice him tensing up when your fingers brush against his hand and realize you might have made him uncomfortable. “I'm sorry,” you take a tiny step back in the crowded bar, “I would have been locked out of my apartment if you hadn't seen that. Thank you.”

“You're welcome.” he said, giving you a nod and something close to a smile, before going on his way. You curse yourself again for acting so awkwardly. You hope you didn't make him feel uncomfortable, he was nice in picking up your keys and giving them back to you. He was also really cute which only made it more of a shame that you met like this. At least you didn't lose your keys, that would have seriously sucked.

Making your way to the table Viviane told you they would be at, you notice almost everyone is here. She was leaning against her boyfriend, Kallias, while they listened to whatever story Alba was telling them about. Ezio and Celia were both looking down at their phones and showing each other something while giggling like schoolgirls. As much as you love your friends, you don't know how much socializing you can handle today. You already fucked up what could have been a very simple interaction. Then again, with all of them here you know Viv won't try to ask you about Eleanor so at least you can keep avoiding hard topics. Viv greets you with a grin as soon as she sees you, everyone following right after.

“Hey, thought you weren't coming after all.” Yeah, you almost forgot about that. You smile anyway, knowing she didn't mean to remind you of how much of a bad friend you've been lately.

“Sorry, guys,” you sit down in the empty chair next to Alba before continuing, “Class ran late and then I lost my bus.”

“Oh. Bad luck.” You have no idea, Kallias. Conversation picked back up after that and you let them do most of the talking, taking a back seat and just watching them. You're glad that they either noticed you weren't in a talking mood or just didn't realize you were mostly quiet anyway.

You have no new stories to tell them since you've barely been functioning outside of school and talking about your feelings is definitely a resounding no, especially at a bar, so you just let them keep up with their conversations and just nod along every once in a while.

Eventually, the DJ introduces the band playing tonight. The Night Court. Judging by the screams and the way everyone moves closer to watch, they're very popular around here and you understand part of the reason for said popularity as soon as you see them step up on stage.

“Oh, they're really good!” Viviane's voice pulls you out of your thoughts. “The guitarist is Mor's cousin. You remember her, right?” You nod. Of course you do. The blonde with sparkly eyeshadow and red lips leaves a big impression, forgetting Morrigan is probably impossible.

You study the guitarist as he introduces himself and the band. He's extremely handsome, the type of handsome that would make you think he can't be human, like some kind of fairy or vampire. You can tell he's aware of this fact with every honey dipped word that comes out of his mouth, literally flirting with the whole crowd. Despite not having many physical similarities with Mor, that allure he exudes definitely matches with hers.

The drummer was already sitting in place, looking eager to play. It takes you a second to notice he was in fact already sitting down as he's probably one of the tallest men you've ever seen in real life. But, with the messy shoulder length hair and big boyish grin on his face, he doesn't look scary at all.

As your eyes travel to the bassist, half hidden in the shadows, you wonder why you didn't recognize him immediately. It was the same guy that helped you before. You had thought he was beautiful before but, considering the situation, you didn't have much time to linger on that fact. However now that he was standing on stage, you could fully appreciate it. He was tall - this much you knew since you were at head level with his chest - and by the way his arms strained against his black t-shirt as he picked up his bass, you could tell he was fit too. He was looking down at the bass in his hands, making the few lights that caught him cast an ethereal glow on his face and on his onyx hair. This man looks like he stepped right down heaven's gates.

They start playing what you think is an original song but can't be sure since you were too distracted checking their bassist out to hear what Mor's cousin had said. He does have a really good singing voice but as your mystery angel starts singing, you can't help but feel bewitched back to watching him.

You barely take your eyes off him during the whole performance but they're all undeniably good. It's easy to understand why this bar is so popular if this is the level of talent their bands have. You can definitely imagine them making it big. They all seem very comfortable and content on stage and the crowd can't get enough of them.

You're so distracted by them that you don't even notice your head pounding anymore, or how fast time flies because, before you know it, they're saying their goodbyes to the crowd and leaving the stage.

Conversation starts back up after that, everyone is gushing about how talented and hot they are and you find yourself easily agreeing with their sentiments. But, with no distraction and the dj back playing songs you've heard a thousand times and the pressure of keeping conversation going, your headache comes back. You wait out just a little longer until you think it's an acceptable time to leave without worrying everyone too much.

“I'm sorry guys but I think I'm going to head home.” You finish the last of your drink even though it's mostly melted ice by that point and start putting your jacket on.

“Already?” You're not surprised Alba is the first to speak up. You'll never understand how this girl has so much energy, you had the same morning class as her but she's still as energetic as she was at lunchtime.

“It's still kind of early,” Viviane looks up at you with her icy eyes and you can recognize the concern in them immediately.

“It was just a busy week,” you explain with a smile on your face, hoping no one reads too much into it even though you all know that's not all. “I think I need to go sleep it off.”

“Are you going by yourself though?” Out of everyone at the table, Enzo is the worst one at hiding his emotions. You can see as clear as day that he's worried about you.

“I'll get an uber. Don't worry.” You gesture to your phone hoping they'll drop it.

“I can wait with you outside.” Kallias offers immediately, ever the responsible one. You really wanted to stay alone right now though.

“You don't have to.” You put your bag over your shoulder to add some finality to your words. “It's cold and there's going to be enough cars out at this hour, I won't be waiting for long.” It looks like he's about to say more but Viv puts a hand over his arm subtly, making him shut up. The bass of the music keeps hammering at your head so you don't linger and just say your goodbyes, waving at everyone with what you hope is a seemingly content smile, before leaving.

As soon as you step outside the pressure you feel starts slowing down. The front of the bar is still full of people so you walk a bit more to the little parking lot on this street. The air is cold but it feels amazing after being in the stuffed bar and your thoughts don't seem so overbearing when you don't have to try to act happy with your friends.

You love them to death but everything about how tonight went just proves that they've been talking about you behind your back. You know this is just them being good friends. You've been acting so differently in these last few months that even one of your professors noticed so it's only natural that they also did, but knowing everyone can tell only makes it worse.

You didn't want to make anyone worry about you. Life has just been going for your throat lately, minor inconveniences keep popping up and piling on top of what was already a pretty shitty situation. But you know once the semester ends, you'll get the chance to finally breathe and solve some of the problems you've been ignoring. And then things will hopefully get better. It just really sucks that your friendships and even school life has been affected by this.

Sitting down on top of the small wall that wrapped around the parking lot, you look up at the sky, willing your mind to let you rest for a bit. Watching the stars twinkling and your breath turn into white clouds of smoke because of the cold. You should probably get that uber and go home before any of your friends find you here, but your body doesn't want to move for some reason.

You feel someone approach you and look back down to meet familiar hazel eyes. You both stare at each other for a second longer than what would be normal, not expecting to see each other again.

“We keep running into each other,” you can hear his voice better here. You didn't notice how deep it was in the crowded bar. His singing voice is also deep but a bit softer than this.

“Yeah.” You smile. Seeing him again after how he helped you and then watching him on stage is making you a little giddy despite your somber mood. He seems a bit less unsure after you respond as well.

“Are you here alone?” He asks as he stuffs his hands in his pockets.

“No, I'm just waiting for an uber.” You hope you're not making a bad impression again. He probably hadn't seen you with your friends before either.

“Alright,” he looks over to what you assume is his car and then back to you, “I can wait here with you.”

“You don't have to. It's cold,” you start but he shakes his head before you even finish speaking, “I actually haven't called it yet.” He gives you a look of amusement and it just makes you try to explain yourself faster. “I have a headache. The cold just felt calming. I'll get it now.” Opening the app, you start searching and, just like you expected, there's a car barely 10 minutes away from you. A wave of disappointment washes over you at the thought that you won't get to talk to him for longer but you push it aside quickly, you barely know him.

“A bar probably isn't the best place to be if you have a headache,” he tilts his head slightly in what you're almost sure is concern. He's a little hard to read.

“I know but I already had told my friends I was coming so…” You shrug and change the subject, trying to allow this moment to let you forget about your earlier thoughts. “Didn't turn out too bad. There was this really good band playing today.” You can see a flush take over his cheeks and the tips of his ears and you feel incredibly proud of yourself for being the reason behind it.

“I'm glad you liked it,” he says as he dips his head slightly in thanks. You feel like this might be the best compliment you could have given him.

“You were all really good. I even forgot about my headache while I was watching you play,” you try not to sound too excited and make it weird but you want him to know how good his band is, “Do you perform here a lot?”

“Yeah,” he leans sideways against the wall next to you, “At least twice a month.” You're starting to notice that, although his face doesn't show too much emotion, his eyes are a little more expressive. His band seems to be a topic he likes talking about. You can understand why.

“Isn't that a big deal? I heard this bar is really popular nowadays, there has to be a lot of bands trying to perform here.” The blush seems to be back but it could also be because of the cold you're subjecting him to.

“We always try to do our best but we've been playing here for a long time. That helps too.”

“You know that's not it,” you point to the entrance of the bar, where some people are smoking, “The bar was packed. I don't know if that's how it always is but I'm pretty sure it was mostly people wanting to watch you perform.”

“You've never been here before?” It looks like he's getting a bit embarrassed by the praise so you let him change the subject.

You shake your head. “Need to come more often though. When are you performing again?”

“We don't always have a schedule,” he looks down at your phone in your hands then back up at you, “But I can text you the details.”

“Oh.” He wants your number. The thought makes warmth rush to your cheeks. “Alright.” You unlock your phone and hand it to him. While he's typing his number, you can't help but notice the scars on his hand. They completely cover his hands, the skin completely marred. It looks as if they were burned. You look away from them, not wanting to make him uncomfortable by staring. He hands you your phone back and you see he saved his number under his name.

“Azriel,” you say the name out loud, tasting it in your mouth. He's watching you a little more intensely than before and you have to break eye contact to stop yourself from blushing. You quickly send him a text so he can save your number as well.

“I'll need yours too.” You give him your name and he repeats it, just as you had done. He makes it sound beautiful in his warm timbre and you can't help the flutter in your stomach. “I'll text you as soon as I find out when we're coming here next.”

“Okay.” You lock eyes and don't look away, just enjoying the moment, until you see a car pass by and realize it's yours.

You think you could have stayed there in the cold talking to him all night. You're not sure why but talking to him is effortless, it's like you've been friends for years. It just feels right and you find yourself wishing that he texts you soon with the concert information and anything else he comes up with. You wouldn't need much of an excuse to talk to him.

“That's my ride,” You say as you hop down from the wall. He looks at the car and when his eyes meet yours again you think you can see a hint of disappointment, hopefully at having to cut the moment short. “Thank you for waiting with me,” you smile at him again, “You didn't have to do that.”

“No problem.” He gives you a smile too, the biggest one you've seen on him. “I'll see you next time.”

“Of course.” You'd be an idiot to not want to see him again. You linger for as long as you can, suddenly not feeling like going home at all.

You wave at him again before getting in the car and something beats faster in your chest when he waves back and watches the car speed off down the street, it's almost like your heart is telling you to stay with him. You're not exactly sure what just happened but you hope you don't regret not staying with him for the rest of the night.

You keep thinking about him during the whole car ride and he's the last thing on your mind when you're laying down to sleep. And when he texts you the next day you know you'll have many more opportunities to spend the night talking to him.

[bladekindeyewear]

HS^2 bloggin’ mainline 2024-08-24

(Previous post - current page 666)

Section 3 of page 666 is now upd8'd, let's check it out! And as you can expect very much from the topic it's almost certainly covering, they've warned us via the twitter "Content warning for references to themes of physical and mental abuse, flashing imagery, and mild gore". By the way, when Force Refresh didn't reload the game data enough to show the new chapter in Google Chrome for me, I had to go in settings to "Delete Browsing Data" > "Cookies and other site data" for the Time Range "Last hour", because just deleting "Cached images and files" or "Hosted app data" didn't help.

(EDIT: THEY WERE NOT KIDDING AROUND ABOUT THE CONTENT WARNINGS, IF YOU HAVE ANY PERSONAL EXPERIENCE WITH ANY SORT OF ABUSE PLEASE BE CAREFUL WITH THIS ONE.)

Although, before we get into it (AND WAY BEFORE I SCROLLED BACK UP TO EDIT THAT EXTRA WARNING UP THERE), I wanted to cover something that'd been on my mind since my last post, predictionways: How IS Vriska going to escape the Plot Point?

There seem a number of obvious answers that we'll get some combination of, but the last one might not be obvious to everyone, so I wanted to cover it and flesh out / examine the possibilities so we all can feel really smart if it pans out at all the way I'm thinking it could pan out:

(1) Vriska realizes the true power and relevance she'd attained as a Thief of Light never left her heart all along, and this singularity is Nothing, a realm Void of relevance where only she exists. (Very like the Neverending Story after everything was destroyed, maybe?) If she allows herself to divest herself of some of her relevance she's been so desperately clutching onto, she can 8r8k the Plot Point.

Callie hinted that this singularity-center might need to be destroyed, and the fifth section is an 8-ball, a type of container Vriska is famously known to break. It may make a degree of sense that realizing her own power, her ultimate freedom, might be enough to do just that and free her.

(1a) Vriska becomes her Ultimate Self, and is too full of Light for the singularity to contain. This could break it or otherwise get her out of it...

...but I'm not sure it's either possible or a good thing for her to consolidate ALL of herself from the rest of Paradox Space into herself while she's trapped in here? Those versions of her perhaps deserve to keep existing rather than falling into a sea of herself that would need to hold powerfully to the self-actualization and psychological progress she's made as THIS version of her instead of the versions of her that didn't. We're not certain of all the mechanics of being an Ultimate Self, so it's hard to say whether or not it's possible... or could even see her backslide from this Therapy Session, which I really wouldn't want to see because this has been so good, and would definitely make some sense of alt!Callie / AL's warning that what was inside the Plot Point was hungry, because an Ultimate Vriska certainly could be. This doesn't seem the right choice unless in combination with one of the other options:

(2) Vriska finds the collapsed core of the Green Sun's power here and steals it for herself, a hidden treasure that could be intensely empowering, whether via Light or even giving her fancy barrier-busting Black Hole powers similar to alt!Calliope's dead!Jade body. I... feel this option is unlikely. It'd certainly count as something "greedy" inside the Plot Point that "isn't salvation" and could hasten the fragmentation of the Candy storyline because there isn't a singularity vacuuming its power all together, which could apply to breaking the Plot Point too, frankly... eh, I just still think other options seem more likely and better foreshadowed. Especially this last one:

(3) Vriska uses the same communication-across-barriers ability she used to contact (Meat)!Terezi in order to message JOHN and ask the HEIR OF BREATH to free her from the singularity as I once long ago wrongly predicted. If John is the only one who can reach in and pull her out, it would require Vriska to overcome herself enough to realize she needs -- and has the power -- to MAKE a divestment of relevance (as (1) suggested) to John from herself, and let John be the hero in her place for at least a moment. The arms he once reached everywhere with using his ultimate power suddenly become an arm reaching for another hand to pull someone to freedom.

Now on top of everything I mentioned in the old Breath, Blood, and the Flow of Reality post about John being one of the only people possibly capable of freeing someone from a singularity that "not even Light can escape", there's a bunch of EXTREMELY RECENT evidence for this, too. In addition to telling us how surprising and unlikely they would have found it to learn that Vriska messaged Terezi past the barrier sealing Candy's timeline away from the rest of Paradox Space, Callie ALSO just got done asking John to break Vriska out of jail, reinforcing it with an open statement that Breath was the aspect of Freedom, and John embodied the concept. And more importantly, John HADN'T BEEN NECESSARY to break Vriska out at all, and ended up only tagging along for conversation and fun, not even needing to tell Serket where to go! Which makes the entire relevance and narrative choice of Callie asking him to break her out better suited as foreshadowing for this exact necessity while she's trapped in the Plot Point, and all Vriska would need to do to make it happen is pull a trick (communicating across the Breach) we've already seen her pull before in the Epilogues. To have the courage and stability of mind to realize she can't do this on her own, and know who to ask for help. (Roxy, as a Rogue of Void, might even be able to lend her power to the effort too.)

Apologies for the pre-update writeup, I just really wanted to make that last John call for y'all if you hadn't realized the possibility, y'know, before we potentially see it happen a few upd8s from now. :D

Alright, on to all the trauma that Doc Scratch helped inflict on Vriska, manipulating her into actions that only injured her psyche further and her friends moreso, and all the guilt and anger she feels over it. I suspect she'll have to finally at least PARTIALLY realize the trick that's being hinted at regarding "ultimate freedom" -- ie, the answer to the Ultimate Riddle -- and just how much Doc Scratch's talk of inevitability not only gaslit her into thinking her worst instincts were unavoidable, but that even as he was TELLING her that he was manipulating her, he was admitting that he HAD to manipulate her to make this happen, meaning the power had been in HER hands all along, not his. Without Vriska provoked into being the one to inflict the injuries in the entire Team Charge vs Team Scourge cascade, without the fact that this was all FRIENDS hurting FRIENDS, none of them would have experienced enough of the severe psychological trauma required for Doc Scratch's half-Gamzee chucklevoodoos to control them into unknowingly writing his DNA code, and leaving those like Aradia in an inverted, highly manipulatable state for guiding their session into creating the Tumor that would birth the Green Sun. Let's click the White Cueball and start watching Vriska painfully confronting some serious emotional abuse and trauma from her past at the hands of a very-Dirk-Strider-like pseudo-parental figure...

*CLICKING THAT DAMNED CUEBALL NOW*

Okay, NO TIMESKIP notice this time, she looks the same in her room-- it would make sense that Doc Scratch is next on the chopping block this time and I'd WANT to see her live first reaction to it. What's with this poppy hoppy fun music? We're definitely getting something more sinister for Scratch. (Also I have to say, the music so far this entire Vriska Therapy Session flash has been... okay? But not up to the usual Homestuck banger standards the original comic's run spoiled us with constantly, in my personal view.)

VRISKA: Whew. VRISKA: Long day.

Oh gosh I hope she doesn't go into the next one IMMEDIATELY and rests first--

Oh GCATAVROSPRITE is the music this time, I get it! And he's acting more catlike than ever w/ those paws lifted!

GCATAVROSPRITE: mAYBE, yOU SHOULD TAKE A BREAK, fROM ALL THE TOTALLY AWESOME PERSONAL BREAKTHROUGHS YOU ARE HAVING, GCATAVROSPRITE: aND KICK IT WITH ME AND ERISOL FOR A WHILE, ERISOLSPRITE: yeah, you kiinda look liike 2hiit.

THANK you, get her to relax at least a BIT before tackling something harder than her freakin' abusive mother(s). Also,

--just, Erisol looking unexpectedly fly as fuck, and more Dave-like than ever. Like, I'm just surprised he looks so cool. Good damn art.

VRISKA: Says Scarfshades McLopsided.

Hey!!!

ERISOLSPRITE: 2ay2 the bu2ted a22 biitch wwearin the 2ame raggedy jacket 2he2 wworn 2ince wwe wwere liike fiivve.

FUCKIN' OWNED, GOOD SNAPBACK.

VRISKA: Says the guy who literally can't change his clothes.

That's low AND not helping your case, fuck you! You're being incredibly disrespectful AND proving him right!

ERISOLSPRITE: ii cant be held accountable for my dii2cordant cla22-2wwag diichotomy, but here you are a 2weep and a half deep iin a per2onally raiilored realm of 2elf-reflectiion and you 2tiill choo2e twwo look liike thii2.

EXACTLY, that's what we're saying!!! --Not that it can be helped TOO much, from an emotional standpoint she sorta has to take forms similar to her past to face her past to an extent, so...

Also, let me do the math on that... (6/13)*4 ≈ 1.85, so if we're still in "YEAR 4" then 1.85 solar sweeps have passed for her since she entered the Plot Point. If anything, Erisol's being generous as fuck here by rounding down instead of saying "nearly two sweeps". (And this confirms we haven't timeskipped again-- or if we have, must not have skipped MUCH.)

VRISKA: Heh.

What, can't mess with perfection?

ERISOLSPRITE: heh.

Oh shit, they're actually getting on, look at his damned animated grin. This is just some black-vibey friendly jabbing!

ERISOLSPRITE: anyway, come chiill.

Please, please do Vriska for your own damn sake.

Oh no, Tavros, don't suggest cat things.

Yeah, get some R and R. (And pointless playtime.) So you don't burn out. Good advice Tav.

FUCK IS HE STILL ALLERGIC? :C

.....okay GCATavrosprite you make a good goddamned point, you're doing pretty well against the allergies all things considered.

Oh no, she thinks she needs to keep going. :( This is gonna be even less fun for her than she thinks.

VRISKA: I'm kind of on a roll here. Gotta strike while the iron is hot!

Intense trauma-release therapy does not work that way!!! Heavy revelations have to be PROCESSED and mulled over before you subject yourself to more psychological pounding!

GCATAVROSPRITE: [...] aND IT KIND OF FEELS LIKE THE FIRE IS ABOUT TO GET REALLY REALLY HOT,

Ooh, a serious warning from Tav and Erisol that this shit is about to be some fuckin' BUSINESS. Listen to them! (Exactly as you put it Tav, that iron is gonna MELT too long in too hot a fire. I hope this doesn't knock her back at first and then we get ANOTHER TIMESKIP so soon mid-section... D: )

VRISKA: Whaaaaaaaat?

Oh she doesn't fucking see it coming, does she. She thought she just conquered the worst of her abuse with her mother(s) just now. She is NOT ready.

VRISKA: Oh 8lah 8lah 8lah, don't be such a pussy. GCATAVROSPRITE: i LITERALLY CAN'T NOT BE A CAT,

PFFF

VRISKA: How 8ad could it even 8e?

How genre savvy could you POSSIBLY have lost track of being to make such a statement?

...Welp, she's gonna try it. Let's hope it doesn't make her backslide into being too afraid to touch it for another year or two. :C :C :C

ERISOLSPRITE: ok wwell fuck u2 for tryiin ii gue22, havve fun gettiing traumatiized.

PFFFFDHF okay that was pretty funny

VRISKA: I'm not gonna get traumatized!

Lemme guess, smash cut to a dozen and change clicks from now: "...I got fucking traumatized."? X'D

Oh here we go:

{ENTER SCRATCH'S PARLOR}

OH HERE WE GO WITH SOME PROPERLY OMINOUS MUSIC. AND I LOVE THE TYPEWRITER SOUNDS AS HIS TEXT TYPES OUT AGAINST THE PURE BACKGROUND. THIS IS DONE SO GODDAMN WELL

(Even if I still think this music still doesn't measure up to original Homestuck tunes, it's still FITTING AND WORKS GREAT for the scene, and the style and art choices are top notch, especially the pure backgroundless white font.)

Yep Vriska, a "perfectly predictable inevitability", you should have seen this coming. Did you know you'd show up here, or did you not and he's rubbing it in your face? Cause I'd bet it's the latter.

It certainly has been a while, Vriska. You seem to have blossomed nicely.

CREEPY ABUSIVE UNCLE VIBES ALREADY REACHING CRITICAL LEVELS THREE CLICKS IN

Care for a piece of candy?

GOD DAMNIT

VRISKA: Oh fuck your stupid candy, you glo8e-headed little freak.

Congratulations Vriska, you've successfully lost 99% of your chill five seconds in, have fun getting traumatized

Doc hinting at the inevitability theme by saying he'd know for a fact she'd enjoy the candy.

Although it was less the wary hunch of a scared little girl than the delightful certainty that you'd come crawling back to me, sooner or later.

FUCK THIS IS JUST RAW ABUSIVE RELATIONSHIP WE ARE FULL NON-WATERED-DOWN EVERCLEAR HERE

Holy SHIT are they pulling out all the stops with his awful phrasing here, no wonder they put so big an emotional abuse trigger warning on this update on the twitter page. And it's only going to get worse.

Of course I know. I'm always watching you.

Fuck, this is just. Exposing levels of vulnerability and awful fear that Vriska had to contend with in her youth that we hadn't even PUT TOGETHER back then. Every veil of silliness has been ripped straight off to show the gory mess of how this would have psychologically affected her while she was younger, here. I used to hate the epilogues and early HS^2 a little for doing this so liberally, for making clear how RETROACTIVELY FUCKED things were in ways that made my heart ache without any balm or healing... but unlike those earlier glimpses into their past attitudes, THIS time we are fucking going to goddamn RESOLVE the psychological issues and get some clear closure on them. That's part of why the entire p666 Vriska Therapy Session / Hyperbolic Therapy Chamber is already quite nearly my favorite part of all Homestuck so far, and I DO mean ALL of Homestuck so far.

VRISKA: You know what? VRISKA: I've 8een pretty damn good. VRISKA: 8een losing track of the sweeps I've spent in here fixing pretty much everything other than the thing I actually came in here to fix, 8ut it's paying off! There's a convenient timer for the express purpose of tracking that.

Oh god don't show her. Don't make her worry about how much time she's losing in here or how much it might be reflecting out there.

VRISKA: Yeah, and I never look at it 8ecause it pisses me off!

Phew. At least she's had TIME to come to terms with worrying about it.

VRISKA: 8ut it's fine. VRISKA: It just means I've had a lot of time to think stuff over. VRISKA: Stuff that was holding me 8ack, throwing me off-course.

I get the feeling he's about to do a pretty good job trying to convince you that you can't escape this so easily. To throw the wrong sort of doubt at you about what exactly you're barreling towards. About who the real "YOU" is-- he's going to try and convince you you're the one who hurts people.

I like to think that I'm far and away the most prolific contributor to your baggage.

Fuck. This won't be good.

VRISKA: Man, I figured may8e this place was working up to something really intense, 8ut instead all I get is Glo8ehead the Gru8toucher playing puppetmaster again.

Eueuuugh that nickname D:

...Is Vriska shaking or laughing? I think she's shaking. D:

VRISKA: You fucked with a 8unch of little kids and 8lew up, then you LOST.

Lord English might have lost, but I don't feel quite like Doc Scratch really did. He pretty much gave his master the Paradox-Space-spanning story he wanted, from beginning to end.

VRISKA: You could 8arely handle me when I was six, I'm supposed to 8e scared of you NOW?

It doesn't matter that you're not six sweeps anymore, that's-- you're visibly shaking. This is a big fucking deal. This is digging into the creepiest and most disgusting parts of what was done to you.

Well, you're shaking.

There we have it.

...Vriska is pulling out the whole-ass PDF File word. I... I hope she's just trying to taunt him for manipulating children, here, and playing the uncle angle. He's not-- I mean nothing actually happened, right? Please tell me nothing physical actually fucking happened besides the cueball-explosion physical-abuse-ways, I don't want sexual abuse retconned into existence here...

Exquisite. I missed that fumbling braggadocio. It's heartening to know that this place hasn't cured you of it yet. It makes you so much fun to play with.

Yeah... the parts of Doc Scratch that Vriska is going to remember most clearly are the times where he was condescending in ways that denigrated her and confirmed her worst fears about herself, intentionally. :C

WHOA DID HE JUST SPACE SHRINK HER??? IS HE GONNA PUT HER ON THE TOY BATTLEFIELD?!

{o} ==>

Matching the scale and visuals of the situation to how she always felt. :C :C

And SICK that the music is breaking down, I'll freely give it credit for shifting to action mode.

Now then, why don't we have ourselves a little game?

Just like Dirk and Caliborn, and their union in Doc Scratch, always love to do to people.

FUCK he glitched away the "WHAT WILL YOU DO?" prompt. This is DEFINITELY about the Ultimate Riddle and Doc Scratch's ultimate lie that Vriska never had any autonomy, a lie he poisoned her with from an early age to make her even easier to manipulate both then and down the line.

DAMMIT, changing her clothes by force?! D: D: D: D:

FUCK FUCK FUCK NO THAT'S EVEN WORSE HE CHANGED HER INTO KID FORM HUGGING HERSELF FROM WHEN SHE WAS ABOUT TO BE INJURED THAT'S CREEPIER AND MORE AWFUL THAN I EVER EXPECTED NO WONDER THEY CONTENT WARNING'D THE FUCK OUT OF THIS, I'm going up there and putting some EXTRAS on there.

I don't have personal experience with this sort of abuse but I do have experience with some who HAVE and some who WORK therapeutically with those who have so this is playing out like a critical hit to triggers I can only empathize from a distance with and it's STILL getting almost too much already. Wow wow wow wow wow they didn't pull any punches.

Ah, and there she is. My favorite piece.

AAAAAA

Thief to E4; Thief takes Page.

That loud BLAM just then and the brown blood knocking her back along with her injuries, so pithy yet so HEAVY and with the meaty SFX to go with it, just, brutal, auughh.... Vriska's NOT getting out of this one lightly. She's not going to want to come back here. She's going to be too traumatized for a good while isn't she.

Thief to F5; Thief takes Maid.

Oh god I don't want to screenshot each of these...

Another meaty THUNK and some rust blood splashing her. God.

Thief to Z8; Thief takes Seer.

Even after all Terezi taunted her and so clearly loved being blind, she STILL hates herself for what she did to Terezi?? :'C

Her blood too D:

Z8 ISN'T EVEN A F8CKING P8SITION, YOU HACK!!!!!!!

She didn't even get the number of exclamation points right...

All the world's my board.

No Escape.

Thief to ∫40; Thief takes pawn.

Wait what, who?

Is that Gamzee's blood or Eridan's? She only killed Gamzee just recently in Candy... (Checks with digital color meter--) That's #680768 blood, which is closest to... Eridan's, huh, weird. Maybe Erisol will be able to help her with this later after she's run away. IF AND WHEN she can finally run away. It looks like he wants to reinforce the impression that he can make her kill ANY AND ALL of the people friends she knows, COULD have made her do it. That's horrible for her to think of herself.

Now Equius's blood. She's swearing but can't make it stop.

He even calls Kanaya (and her blood splash) nothing but her killing a pawn of his choosing.

Thief to Ω413; Thief takes pawn. Check.

This is one of the first reappearances I can remember of the arc number 413 since we started HS^2, I don't even recall it in the epilogues. What's in Check here, the kids' whole universe, the one the trolls created? Is he getting her to blame herself for that, too?

KARKAT'S BLOOD AUGH that's always tough to see whenever I have to see it, it just makes you want to protect him when you know you can't.

Vriska calling him a cheap fucking karma ghost, this a stupid fucking charade... won't stop the fact that this is real emotional pain she's feeling and real pain that was already inside her for nearly her whole life up until this vision brought it out into the open.

VRISKA: AND I'M NEVER GOING TO 8E CAUGHT UP IN YOUR FUCKING G8MES EVER AGAIN!!!!!!!!

Then why are you so afraid you will be?

Of course you will. You think you're better than me? Better than fate? Vriska, I am going to put you in situations where you have the potential to do terrible things. I am going to make things ugly. I am going to corner you. I am going to pressure you. And no matter how much "better" you claim to be, all I have to do is catch you at the wrong moment. You're one bad turn from burning all your quaint little progress to the ground. One lapse away from being mine again.

Yeah, these are ALL just more and more of her deepest fears about herself. That she can be made to kill again, so easily, no matter how far she thinks she's moved past it all. Until she internalizes the answer to the Ultimate Riddle and realizes she has the power to make the better choice-- to ALWAYS make the better choice, and he was just fooling her into thinking she never did-- how could she possibly escape this sort of trap? She can't, not yet. And that abusive cueball asshole INTENTIONALLY made sure she felt that way, because that's what kept her easy to control. Learned helplesness.

VRISKA: Get me out of here.

Fuck, she's so defeated... so helpless. Please, PLEASE let this work. Please make it so she CAN escape this memory RIGHT THE FUCK NOW and confront it later. Because I'm very afraid it won't.

VRISKA: I want a do-over. Oh, please. You of all people should know that you don't *get* do-overs. The rest of these frivolous little vision quests may feel like sparing you the effort of getting things right the first time around, but the real world doesn't work that way.

FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK THAT'S EVEN WORSE THAN I EXPECTED

No, you'll just have to endure it. This won't take long.

LET HER OUT YOU FUCK

You had a good run out there, flying solo and swashbuckling around as if Light itself were yours to command. It'd be wise to remember that it's a borrowed blessing. You flourish at its whim. Continue to spit in its face and take it for granted, and it will abandon you once again, perhaps for good.

Back to the ultimate riddle shit again. Doc Scratch conning her into thinking "everything you've achieved, I made for you, or you stole from others".

Being a true Thief of Light doesn't mean being at the whim of Light, at the mercy of what she can borrow. Kanaya tried to teach her back when she wanted her to clean her room that anybody can make their own luck.

Instead Doc Scratch is playing the role of Demiurge, standing in place of the Sun and claiming all Light radiates from him, when there was plenty inside her all along.

Do you remember who you were, before it chose you? The choices you made when luck wasn't on your side? You were such a delectable little victim.

Bluh!!!!!!

Poor Vriska, with her voracious lusus. With her demanding legacy and her uncooperative, fickle little friends. So much was out of your hands, then; how could you help but mbe my lovely assistant?

Doc Scratch inherited every last ounce of Equius's nonconsensual creep factor from Arquiusprite.

And this is going into the relationship between Light and Agency again, Void and the Lack of agency-- when Vriska felt trapped, felt she didn't have a choice, that was Void hemming her in, her "bad luck streak". Agency is your ability to choose what you do next, and so is Light. That's the privilege sometimes but not exclusively known as Luck.

Vriska: You didn't fucking own me.

Still so helpless-looking, but at least a bit of defiance in her expression. Which I expect handily crushed, unfortunately...

Exactly.

Fuck! And yeah, that's his point-- he's trying to say she CHOSE to do the wrong thing when the chips were down, which is what she's most afraid she'll do again.

But she needs to internalize the fact that it was a choice... that it HAD to be a choice... is an important flaw in the way he gaslit and conned her.

But what matters is that I might as well have. You let yourself believe you had no option other than to take me up on my hard bargains, again and again. For all your talk of independence, all your combative posturing and insistence on your own freedom, you barely bothered to put up any actual resistance to my suggestions. You took the easy way out, swearing all teh while it was your move. What a phenomenal waste of your considerable talents.

Her psyche is playing against her with the cards face up here... she just has to read them correctly. This is what she's afraid of, but it's also the flaw in his logic, the source of his power over her. The idea that she never possessed Ultimate Freedom, even though he's practically telling her that she DID, just to convince her she's an awful person.

It was an insult, and a warning. You're a trump card, Vriska, but your potency is a double-edged sword. One you've gotten far too comfortable swinging around, in the past. What do you intend to fix, when you leave this place? What, I wonder, will you break? I'd encourage you to be mindful of both. Of course, you could always cast aside those pesky trivialities and go with the flow, smashing through circumstances with nary a thought for the consequences. It'd be easier. We could dance together again, just like old times. You choose.

This isn't the real Doc Scratch-- this version of him IS, in its sick perverse way, still helping her. Still giving her the hints to realize that true balance between embracing your role and yielding agency to others is CRUCIAL to make sure you're doing your best to do the right thing. Which is especially difficult when your role, your best methodology, is that of an Agency Thief. A dangerous role which must be careful with its moves so as not to gluttonously trample over the wills of others who deserve a say.

But in order to choose, to take up the mantle of Ultimate Freedom, Vriska has to TRUST herself enough TO choose.

Trusting yourself enough to entrust yourself with CHOICE is one of the hardest decisions you can possibly make. Few ever truly make that decision.

What'll it be, Vriska? Player, or piece?

Well?

Thief to ∞108.

Whoa, what now? What the fuck is this going to be?

I look forward to finding out. Good luck.

Oh, so it's sending her back to the Plot Point. ∞108, or 8108. Is this the elusive arc number of one of our timelines, of Candy? One of infinite... or 1 and 0, creation and destruction, sandwiched between two 8s, two Vriskas with perpendicular orientations, Vriska and Vrissy? Hmm...

Oh thank fucking god we're back...

HAH

thanks so much I needed that mood lifter XD

{Level Complete!}

Thanks for ENDING it too, holy shit. I don't think I could have taken much longer of something THAT heavy tonight. Wow, that was masterfully done... not dragged out, just enough to get to the true point. To a setup for her decision, for her personal answer to the Ultimate Riddle.

Which makes plenty of sense why the NEXT section seems like it's likely a weird colorless version of one of Davepetasprite^2's feathers. They're the perfect person to talk to about her Soul/Heart, the greater self and the meaning of Ultimate Freedom, just as they hinted at during their last big talk in Homestuck.

--Yeah, she didn't get as much help from that as she would have wanted... and now the candle is ABSOLUTELY burning down.

The glimpse of the next unclaimed tiers, here... are these hinting at the start of the next section? We have her inhibitions bound, then a reference to a child development psychologist, then a somatic spark-- physical contact?! Then Deja Vu, a flash of the past (or possibly even meeting her GHOST self from the ghost rain, the more vulnerable (Vriska) inverted to Page of Void mode that she BERATED TO TEARS back toward the end of Homestuck to prove how much more (Vriska) had grown than Vriska before leaving her crying and for Ghost Terezi from the pre-retcon timeline to meet)... Heuristic Grace, getting her luck back possibly... burning, getting hotter, and then a transcendental gleam? No, no that's got to just be a candle and it burning out the rest of the singularity... I still don't think Ultimate Vriska is the solution to all this, could it be?

Oh shit, I forgot about how the BLACK CANDLE is burning down due to VRISKA'S blue flame.

Recall my proposals at the beginning of this post? I completely forgot about yet one more opportunity for her escape:

(4) That Vriska's Light has been burning away at the singularity of the Plot Point this entire time, and will naturally destroy it no matter what, especially if she embraces her Agency and her inner Light. The Green Sun was not just a symbol of Light but an ultimate manifestation of Space power... and collapsed into a singularity, it could indeed also have been not just a Void but an ultimate manifestation of Time power. The years, sweeps, that Vriska is spending inside of it could be wearing it away all on its own, rapidly exhausting a reservoir of Time that alt!Calliope preserved at the center of the singularity just to give the noncanon timeline more time to exist than it otherwise would have had?!! Instead, Vriska is burning it up, and the sprites and ghosts who fell into the Black Hole during the Ghost Rain and concentrated themselves in this singularity are helping her use that naturally limited Time to arm herself and become the best version of herself she can be, so when the Plot Point collapses and shit really starts hitting the fan for the Candy timeline, they can execute a NEW plan to breach into the Canon/Meat timeline and do something so incredibly important that it reseats the timelines outside Paradox Space in new relevance stolen out from Canon. Something incredibly important, like unexpectedly facilitating Sburb's creation in what Dirk and Rosebot are trying to do, or sendificating the kids the final frog they used to create this Universe, or something, which came from somewhere we've still never resolved...

So many interesting possibilities here. And only two or three more updates until we'll know for sure what and how!

I'll probably continue to be too busy the next week or two to be in the mood to chew through bonus material or commentary. Talk to you next upd8 instead, most likely! :D

[am-i-the-asshole-official]

aita for telling someone they're a horrible person and making them relapse?

trigger warning: self-harm, suicide(?)

so im, like many teenagers online, an avid participant of fandom spaces and my current favorite is genshin impact. if you've ever interacted with the genshin fandom you may guess where this is going but i happened to find myself liking a ship that is the big nono ship in this fandom (aka the incest ship, kaeluc) but since i mostly stick to my space and don't really interact with anyone that doesn't already have content of this ship on their account id never gotten into any hot water over it.. until recently.

this person, ill call them rick, suddenly liked a bunch of my (non-ship related) posts. normal interaction, i didn't think anything of if and moved on. (i didn't even notice at the time, but they unliked all of the posts before what happened next, i assume as they realized i was a proshipper and didn't want to associate with me.) next thing i know, the same user is in my askbox, sending me the most vile, hate filled messages i have ever seen.

ok... no biggie. i delete the asks, block them and move on with my life. but it doesn't stop. i had never in my whole life received hate online, but now for the first time ever, i had a dedicated hater, sending me anonymous asks at all times of the day. death threats, dox threats, telling me to kill myself, calling me a degenerate and all that, all with the same consistent writing style. now, one could say that maybe this wasn't rick, and maybe not even all the same person but i really feel like this is the only reasonable explanation considering i have like 6 followers and my most famous post has 3 notes. i don't think im important enough to have that many haters.

so, i did the only thing i could think to do: turned off anon asks. then the asks started coming from random throwaway accounts. ok...turned off asks. then it was dms. turned those off too. THE FUCKING COMMENT SECTIONS OF MY POSTS.

dedication isn't enough to describe this. at this point it's actually becoming distressing to me and im considering closing my whole account cause i just wanna get away from all this. im 16, i don't have the mental capacity to spend all day policing my social media because someone wants me to die for liking fictional incest.

so i very reluctantly unblock rick and send them a dm. i very gently ask if they are the person who has been sending me asks/dms/etc and if they are, if they could please stop because it's become genuinely distressing to me and i just want to be silly on a website. they block me.

alright, im now out of options. everything on my profile is blocked at this point and i don't even want to post anything else so i just kind of leave the account behind for a while. when i come back, i discover that someone HACKED into the account and defaced the whole thing (changed pfp, deleted posts etc etc) so now im genuinely bummed. i go to rick's profile and guess who has been unblocked? i ask them if they can please answer my question. they don't answer but instead tell me i deserve everything ive gotten and i should choke for all they care.

i tell them they're a terrible person and go absolutely off the rails like the dumb, upset teenager i am. i didn't say anything particularly horrible (mostly i just tell them about how awful they've made me feel over fictional shit that really doesn't matter and how i just wanted peace) but i definetely wouldn't like to receive a message like that. and rick didn't either, because they blocked me.

well, since im sure you're wondering where this comes in, here's where i kind of feel like an asshole:

i continued to stalk rick's account on a different blog (because i was bitter. ok?) and they've been posting about how they relapsed into self harm because of a message they received from a stranger and how they've been crying non-stop and this is the worst relapse they've had in years and etc etc and i just got this pit in my stomach. this person's bio says they're 15! i don't want to ever be the reason a fifteen year old is hurting themselves! i've been feeling like a piece of shit ever since (esp since i also deal with sh) and i just feel like the worse person ever. i honestly don't know if i was just acting like anyone else and this was an unfortunate consequence or if i need to go pray for god to forgive my sins or something.

aita?

What are these acronyms?

[ladyeyrewrites]

Bun in the Oven

Rated M

Chapter 1/4

2160 words

chapter One of the trans!Tommy mpreg episode 8X07 rewrite I posted a snippet of on Wednesday.

Read on Ao3 or below the cut

There was a knock on the door.

Buck frowned. It was a bit early for it to be Maddie and Chimney but maybe they’d lucked out with the traffic situation. He wiped his hands on his apron, stepped away from the stand mixer, and answered the door.

It wasn’t Maddie and Chimney.

Instead, Tommy’s broad frame filled his doorway.

Buck’s breath caught in his throat. “Tommy, hi,” he said. “I was just thinking about you.” It was true. Buck hadn’t been able to stop thinking about Tommy since he’d overcorrected after the whole Abby reveal and asked Tommy to move in only for Tommy to break up with him because of some bullshit about Buck breaking Tommy’s heart in the future. So, Buck had done the only logical thing: purchased a stand mixer and filled his fridge with baked goods.

Honestly, Buck wasn’t sure if he was more angry or sad about the whole situation, but he did know that his stomach still swooped at the sight of Tommy standing in his door and it took every bit of self-control not to lean in to give Tommy a kiss hello. Not to wrap his arms around Tommy and pull him inside and never let him go.

“Sorry, I should’ve called before just showing up,” said Tommy. “But I think I left one of my chargers here and I can’t find my other one. So, dead phone.” Tommy sounded on the verge of tears which seemed strange when he could’ve just gone out and bought a new charger rather than checking to see if he’d left one at Buck’s. But maybe it wasn’t about the charger, maybe Tommy just wanted an excuse to see Buck.

Or was Buck letting himself get his hopes up for no reason?

“I uh, haven’t seen it. But are you okay? You look like you’re about to cry.” He wanted to reach out and touch Tommy, to offer some sort of comfort, but that wasn’t his place anymore. Tommy had taken that away.

Tommy shook his head. “Mood swings,” he says.

“Yeah, well break ups will do that I guess,” said Buck.

“That and I think I’m still adjusting to my new birth control,” said Tommy. About a month before the break-up Tommy’s primary care physician had suddenly retired and Buck had helped Tommy scramble to find another in-network provider who understood the healthcare needs of trans men. It had been such a headache and then once they’d found a doctor he’d wanted to adjust Tommy’s dosages and change Tommy’s birth control method from an oral contraceptive to an implant in the hopes that it would lessen the daily dose of dysphoria Tommy got when taking the pill.

“Listen, Buck—” Tommy started.

Buck flinched. God, it sounded so wrong hearing his nickname coming out of Tommy’s lips. It made him want to scream. But he was trying to be mature about this. Trying to be civil. Trying not to cling since that was clearly what Tommy wanted, and Buck could respect that even if he hated it. “I found some of your shirts in the laundry,” Buck said before Tommy could say anything else that was probably going to break Buck’s heart again. “I was going to text you.” Which was maybe a lie, because sure Buck had thought about texting Tommy, but never about the shirts.

He'd composed texts with everything he’d wished he’d said to Tommy instead of letting him walk out the door that night.

Texts that devolved into spiteful rants.

<em>Miss you</em> texts.

<em>u up?</em> texts.

All deleted and transmuted into baked goods: cakes, cookies, scones, loafs, Baked Alaska.

It seemed Tommy wanted to look anywhere but directly at Buck, which was just another thing Buck had lost. Buck blinked against threatening tears as Tommy glanced around Buck’s loft, eyes taking in the subtle changes that had taken place since they’d broken up, until his gaze settled on the mess that was Buck’s kitchen island. “You’ve been baking.”

Sure, Buck had baked with Chris before to help out with a school bake sale since Eddie was so culinarily clueless, but he hadn’t really done it in his own time until he’d found out about Tommy’s sweet tooth. He’d been practicing to make something for Tommy’s birthday but then Tommy had to go and dump him. Bitterness spiked through him. “Yeah. Anytime I get the urge to call you, I just I channel the impulse into something positive, like Baked Alaska.”

Tommy’s face twisted with regret, eyes growing glassy. Buck wasn’t sure if that had been his intention or not, but maybe it would be good for Tommy to really see how much Buck had been thinking about him. So, Buck walked over to the fridge and pulled out three loaves, making sure the fridge door was opened wide enough for Tommy to see the extent of Buck’s foray into baking and how often he’d been thinking about reaching out. “Here, you should take some.” He plopped three loaves into Tommy’s unprotesting arms. “Here’s a lemon loaf, and a walnut loaf, and a pumpkin loaf.”

“That’s a lotta loaf,” Tommy managed to say. “Buck, I—”

“Hang on, let me go grab those shirts,” said Buck because hearing Tommy call him by his nickname rather than his name made him want to scream and he didn’t want to do that, not when Tommy looked like anything could cue the waterworks at any moment. So, Buck might have fled his kitchen, jogging upstairs to grab the reusable tote bag of Tommy’s tee shirts and flannels he’d accumulated over their six months together. That bag had been haunting him every night as he lay in bed – alone – trying to fall asleep, wondering if Tommy was also alone or if he’d already managed to find a rebound.

Buck hefted the bag and his heart panged. Once he gave this stuff back, Tommy would well and truly be gone from his life. There’d be no excuse for Buck to reach out. No trace that Tommy had ever been in his life save for the indelible mark he’d left on Buck’s heart. So, Buck did something maybe a little impulsive and indulgent; he snagged one of Tommy’s flannels out of the bag and shoved it under his pillow.

He was absolutely not going to bury his face in it and cry himself to sleep later.

As he was engaging in some of the most pathetic breakup behaviour ever, his kitchen timer went off downstairs.

“Buck, do you need me to do something?” Tommy shouted up the stairs, voice carrying over the shrill timer beep.

“Yeah, could you just grab the baked brie out of the oven?” he asked. He snagged his favourite Tommy t-shirt out of the bag and stashed it with the stolen flannel too. If Tommy was allowed to unceremoniously dump Buck, then Buck was allowed to steal his clothes and not return them.

Buck gave a satisfied nod and started down the stairs to join Tommy. He was halfway down when he heard Tommy gag. Buck looked up from his feet in time to see Tommy turn literally green before unceremoniously dumping Buck’s baked brie on the counter, bee-lining for the sink and vomiting down the drain.

Buck raced down the stairs, rushing to Tommy’s side and rubbing smoothing circles on his back before he even realised what he was doing. “Are you okay?”

“Are you sure that cheese is okay?” Tommy asked catching his breath. “It reeks.”

Buck frowned as he got down a glass and filled it with tap water for Tommy to rinse out his mouth. “Uh yeah,” he said. “And brie’s not a stinky cheese.”

“Could’ve fooled me,” Tommy sagged, leaning against Buck’s counter. “But my sense of smell’s been really weird the last few weeks.”

A sinking feeling filled Buck’s stomach. This all sounded very familiar.

They’d always been so good about using protection and between birth control and testosterone Tommy hadn’t had a period in well over a decade. But there’d been that little lapse before Tommy had found his new doctor and oh, God they’d definitely had unprotected sex that one time when they were both a little tipsy after getting back from babysitting Eddie. “You’re pregnant,” Buck blurted before his brain could send his tongue anything more tactful to say.

Tommy turned white as a sheet, eyes going wide. “I can’t be,” he said. “We were always so careful—” he trailed off and from the way his eyebrows shot up into his hairline Buck bet that Tommy had just connected the same dots he had. “Shit. You might be right.” His hand went to the back of his neck in a self-comforting gesture and Buck recognised all the signs of Tommy starting to spiral that he’d steamrolled over the night Tommy had ended things.

The last thing he wanted was for Tommy to leave right now. And that was probably the last thing Tommy needed right now. “Okay,” said Buck. He put his hands on Tommy’s upper arms and gently guided him to one of the bar stools. “Sit. Breathe. I need to make a phone call and then we’re going to talk. Okay?”

Tommy nodded, gulping down an unsteady breath.

Buck fished his phone out of his apron pocket and dialled Maddie. “Hey Mads, you and Chimney haven’t left yet, have you?”

“No, the sitter’s running late,” said Maddie. “Why?”

“I’m gonna need to take a rain check,” he said. “Tommy’s here.”

“Oh!” said Maddie. “Is that a good thing or a bad thing?”

“I don’t know yet,” said Buck.

“Well, let me know when you do,” said Maddie. “And take care of yourself.”

“Thanks, Mads,” Buck hung up and turned back to Tommy.

As soon as Buck’s eyes landed on his ex-boyfriend Tommy bolted up off the stool. “I should go,” he said. “You had plans and I should go.”

Buck took advantage of the fact that his legs were longer than Tommy’s and intercepted him before he reached the door.

“Buck move,” said Tommy. “I need to leave.”

“Nope,” said Buck. “I’m not going to let you walk away from me again. Not until I’ve said what I need to say, and we make a plan to move forward.”

“There is no moving forward,” said Tommy. “There is no “we” anymore. We broke up.”

“No, <em>you</em> broke up with me and left,” said Buck. “You didn’t let me say anything. You just decided on your own that there was no way I’d want you around in the future and then you left. Also, if you’re pregnant, I want to be there for you no matter what you decide to do, even if it’s just as a friend.” Because even though Buck so desperately wanted more, now wasn’t the time to say as much.

“It’s probably just a stomach bug,” said Tommy.

“If you really believed that you wouldn’t be running away,” said Buck.

Tommy flinched and Buck hated himself a little, but he needed to say everything that had been circling through his head in the time since Tommy had broken things off. “I don’t know what happened that made you think you could never be my last,” said Buck, speaking carefully so he wouldn’t say something he’d regret. “I know nothing I say right now is gonna convince you of the truth because now there’s maybe a baby involved and that complicates things, but I really wanted you to be my last Tommy. I still do. And this isn’t me asking you to change your mind about breaking up, but maybe it’s me asking you to trust that I actually know what I want. And what I want is to be there for you no matter what’s going on, in whatever way you’ll let me. Please let me.”

Tommy sighed and he looked at Buck so tenderly, despite the dark circles under his eyes that Buck had to dig his fingernails into his palms to keep himself from reaching out and cupping Tommy’s face in his hands to try to rub some of that fear and exhaustion away. “Okay,” said Tommy. He backed away from the door, returning to the bar stool at Buck’s kitchen island.

“I guess we should probably see if you really are pregnant,” said Buck, relief flooding through him.

“Probably,” said Tommy.

“I can run to the drug store and grab a few tests,” said Buck. “But you have to promise not to go anywhere.” He fixed Tommy with a meaningful look until Tommy met his gaze and nodded. Buck took his apron off and grabbed his wallet and keys.

“You promise?” Buck asked.

“Yeah, Evan, I promise,” Tommy snapped.

Buck grinned.

“What?” Tommy asked.

“You called me Evan,” said Buck and Tommy probably hadn’t meant anything by it. It was clearly a slip up, but it soothed something within Buck to hear Tommy call him that.

Tagging those who asked and those who seemed interested:

@silversky9 @unhingedangstaddict @ironspiderdad12 @beanarie @sporadicmakerwerewolf @azaharinflames @aisatsana441 @bugboybuck

[tarithenurse]

Mending

Fandom: Fireforce AU. Pairing/starring: Benimaru Shinmon &/x fem!reader. Word count: 1628. Content: Angst, heartbreak, bad mental state, first step to recovering, best friend to lover? A/N: Oh the angst! The pain and hearbreak and breakup and such sad things. Please reblog and comment.

Mending

You haven’t answered calls or texts for almost three days now. You haven’t showered either and barely eaten anything. Why should you? You just want to sleep because when you are awake, you lie and stare on the picture on your phone’s screensaver, knowing that it’d never be like that again. You’ll no longer get to wrap your arms around your boyfriend, kiss his cheek. Well...you shouldn’t even think of him as your boyfriend but old habits die hard for you at least.

You’re half asleep when there’s a knocking on the door but you just roll around with a sigh, tug your phone close to your chest and ignore it.

Or you try to.

The knocking turns into a hammering that eventually grows so loud that it sounds like the door might break. What’s worse though: you can hear your name being yelled too and you recognize that voice. Beni. You haven’t seen him in a long time because whenever you did your boyfriend would act sullen and silent afterwards. But Benimaru was your best friend and you’d made sure to send him a text every now and then when you were at work or on the loo...send and then delete all evidence. You’d hated sneaking about like that but you always ended up doing it again.

Now he’s screaming outside your door: “C’mon! I know you’re in there! I just need to make sure you’re okay then I’ll leave again if that’s what you want! Open!”

You gather the blanket around you as you sit up slowly. Even the little bit of movement makes you dizzy but you manage to get to your feet and shuffle out into the hall, where you unlock the door and peek out past the crack.

“Waddyawant?” you mumble, blinking against the sunlight.

Beni is still standing with a hand lifted to bang on the door with as he takes what little he can see of you in and you become disgustingly self-aware of what a mess you are as he lowers the fist and his mouth fall open.

“Fucking hell you’ve had me freaking out,” he admits. “Can I come in?”

You hadn’t wanted to let him in but now he’s here it feels just a tiny bit less horrible so you shrug and shuffle to the couch.

Beni follows. You can hear him sniffing and he makes a detour to open a window in the kitchen and then the two in the living room.

Then he turns to you. “You’re a fucking mess,” he points out the obvious, arms crossed across his broad chest.

“Thank you. Good to see you too,” you hiss before tipping over onto your side, taking up almost all the space – the couch is not that big.

“C’mon,” he drawls, “y’know what I mean. You send me that text and then you ghost me? I have to come here to find that you’re a ghost, almost?” He comes over, lifting you partially to get a spot to sit before letting your head rest on his thigh. “So...before I make you shower...what happened?”

You don’t want to talk about it but the thing with Beni is that he can be silent and you hate silences so of course you want to fill it with something. Anything. Slowly but surely, the words starts pouring out of you about how you’d find out your boyfriend was cheating on you. With his ex whom he’d always said was just a friend now. Of course he denied it at first when you confronted him. The man was even cocky enough to give you his phone and yeah maybe he didn’t think you were really going to search it but you did and there they were, messages send from her except her number was saved under a different name. Texts full of intimate details and plans. He couldn’t deny it any longer so he blew up in your face, screaming and yelling and telling you how it was because you weren’t good enough. That hurt.

Luck is on your side at least a little bit because the apartment is in your name and your boyfriend – your ex – had very few things he wanted from your shared home. Just his clothes and laptop. Then he left. There are still items all over the place that remind you of him, but you’ve avoided looking at them since he walked out the door. You don’t know where he’s gone to but you suspect you can guess anyways.

“What a dick!” Beni growls when your explanation ends, his hand soft on your cheek. “You’re better off without him.”

It hurts to hear in the same way that picking at a wound hurts: a sweet sting. You can feel how the pain rips in the hollow where your heart used to be, then it clogs your throat and steal your voice so you only can nod. The tears come next, hot and silent, leaving new salty streaks on top of the old tracks.

Benimaru just holds you as you sob. Silently rocking you.

Once you’ve calmed down he disappears into the bathroom and you can hear things clonking before the water starts running.

A moment later he’s back and methodically starts to unwrap you from the blanket despite your protests and you’re all too aware of the pungent smell released from under the comforting layers once he’s got you in your shorts and top...but he doesn’t care. He just picks you up and silently carries you to the bathtub where he sits you on the edge.

“Now...either you take care of this part yourself or I’ll see to it,” he flatly explains. “Get washed. Good long soak. Use one of your hair masks or whatever.”

You nod, still snivelling a bit, but remains seated until he’s out of the steamy bathroom and has closed the door after him. Then you look around: every product that belonged to your ex is gone together with the plastic bag in the bin.

“I can’t hear water splashing!” Beni suddenly yells through the door.

“Okay okay,” you mutter back.

It’s enough to get you moving, though. Slowly you peel the dirty clothes off before stepping briefly into the shower, wanting to get the worst of the dirt off before you crawl into the tub.

The moment you do abandon the shower and step into the scalding water, you have no more tears to give. The ache is still there but it’s dulled somewhat and you slowly entertain yourself with an extensive self-pampering routine while you try to ignore the odd sounds coming from whatever Beni is doing. Sometimes he’ll stop his actions and come to knock gently on the door:

“You okay in there?” he asks.

And every time you’ll hum a yes because you kind of...are? Not great. Not happy. But...at peace?

Eventually the water gets cool and you reluctantly step out of the bath and dry yourself down, making sure to scrub extra hard.

Still wrapped in the towel, you tiptoe across the hall and into the bedroom and stop. You don’t even have to investigate you just know that things are different: the bedding has been changed and if you were to look around you know you wouldn’t find the windows and memorabilia from your time with your ex. It’s all gone.

“Beni?” you call, voice wavering.

It’s too much. It’s almost like your ex was never there.

“I know,” Beni says, entering behind you, “but you need a clean start. Nothing’s tossed. You can look through it later...right now you just need you.”

Turning to see his serious expression, your vision doubles from the tears that are collecting but you’d be damned if you’ll cry more because of that ass-hole. Sniffling, you straighten up. You nod.

“You got this,” Beni promises you.

---

Tall Benimaru has somehow managed to curl up on your couch, refusing to go home for the night and have you be alone again. Still, you feel alone, lying in the big bed where there used to be someone beside you.

Tossing and turning, you eventually give up and tiptoe into the living room. You just want to see him sleep a bit, maybe that can calm you down. But of course you step right on the one single creaking floorboard and he pushes himself up by the elbows.

“You okay?” he asks, voice heavy with sleep.

“I...” You don’t really know what you want except to not be alone. “Come into bed...it’s big enough for us both,” you decide.

“You sure?” he sits up properly now, trying to read your face in the dim light of the street lamps.

“Yeah...don’t want to be alone.”

“Okay.”

He follows you as if he needs to be shown the way, blanket partially draped over a shoulder though it’s not enough to obscure the broad expanse of his naked chest.

In the bedroom, he lets you get settled in first before crawling into bed, close to the edge to allow for enough room between the two of you.

“I don’t bite,” you point out, earning a crooked smile.

“I might.”

“Never.”

Shuffling a bit closer, he eventually comes to rest on his side, facing you. It’s easy to reach out and take his hand, weave you fingers with his without even thinking about it until it’s done. But it feels right and he doesn’t pull his hand away.

“Hold me?” you ask, voice tiny and fragile like the little bloom of something inside your raw chest.

“Always.”

He scoops you into his arms easily, chest to back so you can feel his heartbeat thundering and his breathe slowly levelling out. There, you drift a way. You barely register the soft kiss he places on your temple.

[gogz-ee]

My Wimbledon Champ ( 1 )

Author’s note: kinda similar to the last one I deleted. (This will have multiple parts and I also replaced Zverev with Jannik because he didn’t deserve to reach the finals.)

You were far out in the stands watching the 2024 Roland Garros Finals between Carlos Alcaraz and Jannik Sinner. You were hoping that Jannik would win this match because you had a little crush on him and also because you had been supporting him for a long time. After a while you heard the words, Game, Set, Match, Alcaraz.

You were never a big fan of Carlos at all. When u heard his name the only thoughts that formed in your mind were, overrated, and self-centered. To you, when your favorite player lost you were never that sad for a long period of time. The most being like 30 minutes or something. But this time when you heard those words from the umpire’s microphone, you couldn’t help but feel like breaking down.

Jannik has said that this tournament meant a lot to him, and seeing probably his biggest rival win was sad, not just for you, but for him and everyone supporting him.

Later that day, you were in the hotel lobby when you see a very familiar face. Carlos Alcaraz.

Even though you didn’t like him, you wanted a picture with him to show off to your Carlos-obsessed friends. You didn’t expect much other then to get declined or get annoyed stares even though he won.

“Hey, your Carlos Alcaraz right?”

When Carlos turned around and saw your face, he looked mesmerized, a much different look then you expected.

“Uh- yeah! I am.”

You hesitated a little before asking your question “Can I get a photo if thats okay?”

His face didn’t change at all and he continued to eye you down. You were still confused by his look but didn’t ask further questions.

“Yeah! That’s completely okay.”

You pull out your phone and take a selfie. You thank him and begin to walk away slowly as you text your friends to show off your picture with him.

Carlos was so stuck in his thought remembering your beautiful face features, he didn’t realize that you had walked away until the next couple of seconds. He began running towards your direction.

“Hey! Wait I had a question for you!” you turned around to see Carlos chasing you. This time, your the one giving him the annoyed expression. As you wait for him to answer his question, you also can’t help but to look at his beautiful jawline. You couldn’t lie to yourself, he was hot.

“Uhm- I was gonna ask if maybe you had instagram?”

“Yeah I do why?”

“Is it-“

He was stuttering a lot and it kind of annoyed you, but you waited until he finally got his words out of his mouth.

“Is it okay if I get it?”

You face now turning more shocked than anything, your mouth open, one eyebrow raised, and your eyes wide. Did he just ask you that? Arguably the most handsome player on tour asking you for your instagram?

You decided to ignore that thought, he was just being friendly right? You didn’t think much of it and just gave him your user. He made sure to follow you right away just in case he might forget later.

“Also, congrats on the win” you tell him with a very unhappy tone, you already knew he figured out that you were rooting for Jannik and that made him frown.

“Thanks! Also.. Uh- if you’re free tonight.. there’s gonna be a party celebrating the win? I mean if you wanna come of course.”

“Isn’t that party only for close peopl-“

“And people I invite! So I’m deciding to invite you!”

He seemed very happy to invite you even if you hadn’t accepted it yet. You were starting to get a little suspicious with this whole thing but went along with it. At this point your cheeks were already slightly red.

“Yeah sure, ill come what time?”

Part 1

[99redragons]

Wow, I agonized over this post way too long. Here it is, finally. I was gonna make this a reblog but i think since it's referencing multiple posts (and boy it got super long and added a related theory) this is better on its own. This is furthering @gin-juice-tonic's analysis of the tBoB journal pages. Heavy tBoB spoilers, and warning for the darker content it has. (some swearing too) I'm convinced now they're a warped version of events and downright fake for some, however, I believe many are real.

...But did Ford remember them? "I can delete memories randomly, just for fun. Maybe I already have." I do NOT think Bill could erase everything. He probably can only erase small/recent sections. But this is a big part of my theory.

But first, Gin's points. (using some of your pics for this Gin, hope you dont mind) I'm not going to post every journal page, but I'll give a ref for ones that seem important.

Okay, this is the post that actually convinced me (went through the links from tapas, the first is sure suspicious, but the second has pretty compelling evidence.) Ford referred to Fiddleford as F through the whole of journal 3 (aside from in code), and Bill as his Muse until the reveal, he wouldn't suddenly change the way he refers to people, even if he planned to rip out the pages, in which case, why would you write them in the first place?

On the first link (this one), this appears to be an embellished story. When you look at it from bill's perspective, he's reminiscing. He lies to himself. He's making it seem like Ford and Bill hit it off immediately, and while in a way, they did, it probably wasn't like this. I'll buy Ford used Cipher's line back at him, but the jovial way they banter is just so Bill. Ford would emphasize how he felt, the mysteries he was thinking about, his reverence for his Muse. He probably wouldn't recount it line for line when he was so secretive in journal 3. Bill makes it seem like they were more like equals, when in reality he likely relished the devotion and divine status Ford attributed to him. Also, "Cipher Speaks" is in Bill's handwriting from the sticky notes. could be coincidence? I think not. 'Ford' also describes it as the "GREATEST. DAY. OF MY LIFE." This mirrors bill's earlier statements about the reader's life being forever changed after meeting bill. According to Bill, meeting him is the highest moment of anyone's life, right?

In an additional post, Gin explains how Bill didn't tell Ford he was from another dimension. Ford had to find that out at the betrayal. So, all this taken, those two pages at least are fake.

For the third link, this one, while from Doylist perspective, Alex wanted the book to have fun little callbacks, from Watsonian, Bill simply can't help himself. Bill loves trying to be funny. He's trying to keep the reader hooked, and keeping the story interesting through callbacks is one way to do that. Some of these are Bill, some are self-referential because Bill's talking about real events from the past. (rats, cipherite suit, Small World cassette, we'll get to those later)

Bill has a habit of telling the truth through his lies. What I mean by that is, if he is repeating himself through actions or words, it's probably because there's some truth to it. If he's contradicting himself, there's something he's hiding. He'll claim he has no weaknesses, but later admit he does. He'll say he has no exes, only to reference exes later. So, we can glean truths from the lies he's telling in the pages.

I think Alex is a good enough writer to keep Ford and his writing (mostly) in character. He's made retcons/continuity errors before, but he knows the fandom will pick apart everything and find them, and will have a reason for it. There's definitely some fake pages, which begs the question, which are real?

One detail I want to point out is the vignette/burn marks on the edges of some of the pages. My secondary theory is about these. (And no, it doesn't indicate they were fake.) I'll explain later.

Assumptions/disclaimers: The pages we're shown are roughly chronological, though skip forward where surviving J3 pages would go. Pages aren't realistically double-sided like they would be in J3, these are inserted into tBoB magically. I don't have a blacklight version of J3, so I'm probably missing a little bit of context there. References J3 quite a few times, so this post works best if you are able to reference both books. I can go into detail and post more pictures for any sections that aren't clear.

First off, 'Lost in the woods'. This one I believe is real, because Ford's (author's cipher) codes are in it. This code is consistently used in the book whenever Ford inserts a page, even on the moth. For Bill to use this code would break the established pattern Alex has made. However, I agree with Gin that Bill intentionally placed this page to establish Ford as lonely, and thus make Bill look better for befriending him in contrast. I don't think it's that odd for Ford to talk about his social awkwardness, he talks about his childhood bullying pretty frankly, specifically on a page meant to be an author's About Me. However, he did rip this one out, so I think he was trying to ignore his feelings by hiding this page. No vignette.

'Cipher speaks', as we've discussed, is likely a fake/altered meeting. Vignettes on both pages. On the second page you can see where it looks burnt in one corner, and there's even tear marks like there's a page missing there, perhaps their real first meeting. It's also strange for Ford to draw himself like that.

'My Muse & Me'- Ford refers to Bill as his Muse again. Despite my doubts (I went back and forth on this one), I think this one has to be real. We find on the website computer (code: Fordtramarine) that Ford tried to submit a paper on fordtramarine. In that paper he refers to an 'extradimensional entity' and 'two-dimensional'. He shouldn't know that Bill is interdimensional at this point, so Ford must mean 'outside of physical reality', as in, the astral plane. Though, there's a painting of 'a muse' in the paper. Wasn't Bill supposed to be secret? Perhaps he thought he could get away with that small reference? Perhaps this paper was submitted more recently? I don't like the idea that things from the website are also fake, since it would be strange for Bill to have such narrative control there. The website seems to reveal things Bill can't control, even if Bill is talking. This page also establishes more timeline. This is saying that not only could Bill freely move in and out of Ford's mind within a year, he had full access to alter it as well, ahead of their deal before the test. This page is probably to make it seem appealing to let Bill into your mind. It also serves a purpose of showing us Ford had let Bill fully into his mind at this point in the story Bill's weaving. I am curious why would Ford hide this only to submit a paper on it, just to keep his Muse secret? And those damn red triangles, did Bill draw those, implying he could possess Ford before their deal? No burns/vignette. The neighboring pages both have it, why not this one?

June 15th- There is direct dialogue from Bill quoted, however, he refers to Bill as his Muse. Wouldn't Ford be creeped the hell out by the rat thing, and be alarmed that Bill possessed things just to kill them? I think this page was real, but was ripped out by Bill. Heavy vignette.

(Sorry for the poor quality, my phone camera is awful)

At this point I should explain: I think the burn/vignette represents Bill 'burning away' memories/altering them. Ford's memories, but possibly even the reader's. I want to be clear; I don't mean Bill erased the entire memory of the page, I mean Bill erased at least some part of those events. When it's heavy around the edges, heavier manipulation. It also could indicate which ones Bill burned/destroyed. More evidence for this later.

Karaoke page- How did Bill convince Ford to drink with him after the rat thing? Bill made him forget it was Bill. "The rats were his idea?" Yeah, he told you that right away, why did he need to tell you again? While probable this happened, the writing from Ford is sus. "This Bill guy, he's really got it all figured out"? Sounds a bit like Bill talking. The drawing is strangely detailed, too. 'Dancing queen' (disco girl's parody origin) was released in '76, so that lines up time wise, at least. Likely altered/created to make Bill seem friendlier. Either could have destroyed this one if there was a real version. Vignette.

A Voice from the Past spread- He says 'my Muse', but then mentions Bill by name, which indicates it's altered. Is the first bit real, then? Why would Ford rip out this important page revealing his muse's origin and past? His curiosity would overtake wanting to keep it secret, surely? And conversely, why would Bill fabricate it? To make himself seem more sympathetic? However, there is another explanation. There is the possibility Bill erased the memories of this conversation and it really happened in some form. Bill probably realized after revealing this information to Ford it could ruin his plans. Some vignette at the top, mostly on the right page. In that is a drawing of space and a code. The code says 'forget the past." Coincidence, or purposeful on a page for a conversation Bill made Ford forget? Bill could have ripped out the pages (if they existed) himself. It's also important to note Bill is trying to isolate Ford here, which is another reason he'd hide the pages/alter memories of talking about Stanley. Also, if Bill erased the phone number from Ford's mind later, it would make sense why Ford had to send a postcard.

A Winter Break/The Krampus adventure. Where would these pages have gone if they were real? It was January for the test, so it was before the deal, but after the bunker? Gin mentioned it feeling 'off' and strange because it's just Krampus, nothing weird or Gravity Falls-y about it, and I agree. And also, Fidds knocking it out feels... weird. I think that story is fabricated with some real details thrown in. Fidds is noticeably shaken up after, but otherwise the whole story seemed almost whimsical, and just...weird, and not in the GF way. It's fake. Ford goes back inside after looking outside in Time Traveler's Pig. He doesn't come outside onto the porch at all. You could say he comes back out after that, maybe. You could say it's a retcon. But we know the children's footprints were Dipper and Mabel, not random kidnapped kids. (Bill likely wouldn't expect the reader to know this.) My eyes are also drawn to the green and red rectangles. The festive theming bring to mind a Christmas special, and how often are those only partly canon? So, then what's real about it? I believe the gloves, and possibly the snow globe was real, since they come up again later. I believe if there was a monster, Ford (or bill possessing ford 'then-DARKNESS') fought it off, traumatizing Fidds even more. Something made Fidds shaken up. Fidds and Ford probably spent Christmas together. And Bill did warn Ford about Fidds' second thoughts (mentioned in J3). Did Fiddleford notice Ford forgetting things? Did he assume Ford was simply unshaken by what happened? For me what seals the deal is the heavy vignette around those pages. Bill altered his memories of what happened and is telling us this story instead, probably to make it seem not as bad, so Ford wouldn't be so angry that Bill wasn't there/realize that he possessed Ford. I'm also suspicious of the "Trust No One." at the end. Did this phrase really come from Bill? Wouldn't Bill be saying 'Trust me'? To be honest, it's possible the last page here was half a real conversation, but the way Ford suddenly changes his tune is strange AF and I suspect shenanigans for it. And the things Bill says are very different from 'F is not bold enough to follow through.' (J3 code, An Encounter) Also, most of these pages seem to have no reason to be ripped out, aside from mentioning Stan by name/drawing them, but he could have crossed that out, and the last page which Ford would have hidden from Fidds. If they were real in some form, Bill probably destroyed them to hide the truth.

Stanley memories pages- Real, not much to say about those. Goes after Bill's warning. Probably legitimately torn out by Ford since he'd want to keep these pictures before hiding J3. Though I do notice they are covering up a lot of red triangles, perhaps also drawn by Bill. No vignette.

Dream, or warning?- Before Jan. 17th. Real, since I can't see why Bill would make up a warning about himself. He wants the reader to trust him. The heavy vignette, again, indicates he made Ford forget about it and destroyed the pages before he could solve it, which would probably be easy since it was a dream. The laughter+fire at the end indicates Bill discovered them. Just a fun side note: the song referenced is 'Im your puppet'

"I was wrong about everything" spread- I think goes in the gap where the black scribbled out pages are in J3. Again, the Author's cipher is here, indicating these are real. Vignette again. Bill's possessing Ford a lot, trying to erase the idea of fighting back from his mind(unsuccessfully), likely also hiding these pages. More red triangles.

Bill-proof suit- Goes after The Blind Eye- references being banned from the library, Blind eye mentions still researching Bill. J3 said he discovered the chant to enter someone's mind by researching Bill, so he could also find the anti-cipher society and the cassette. Real. Bill likely destroyed these pages and the previous ones to try and slow down Ford and erase his plans to destroy Bill. Vignette.

Zom-bills to Looky Here: After 'Ways to hide', as Zom-bills is written in invisible ink, but before the truck stop. (This would require Ford to have written on the right page first, then Bill tore the rest of these out, but not a huge stretch) Bill is fucking with Ford hard. He's probably taking his anger out on Ford while simultaneously trying to bully and manipulate him like he would do to his henchmaniacs, as he says later. Vignette on most of these- he's constantly possessing Ford and making him black out, trying to manipulate his memory to make him compliant/torture him. Bill likely destroyed the cassette+the memory of it so it couldn't be used against him, as Ford presumably never gets the chance to. Why he's showing the reader this? He thinks it's funny. He could also be hoping to scare the reader, if the reader knows what he's capable of, they'll be more afraid, and fear and love are the same, right? Notably the sticky note page is only a little darkened, probably because Bill genuinely was trying to talk at first. I can't find any evidence that these are fake, but there's no codes indicating they're real either. I think they were real, but Bill destroyed at least some of them.

(Side note: Computer code: Oroborous. Curiously uses Bill's cipher, bill writes in J3 too. These pages are also vignetted. Bill wouldn't like Ford knowing he showed fear. He also purposefully didn't give the reader these 'missing pages', because he hates them and doesn't want to reveal his fear.)

Polaroids- Did Ford destroy this himself like the VHS? Trying to avoid being blamed for things Bill did? Just ashamed/horrified? Curiously, no vignette on the polaroids (this could be just to have the full page visible), or Bill wanted Ford to remember these to have the threat sink in fully. Probably actually happened, Bill doesn't really have a reason to fake these pages as they make him look worse/scarier.

Blackness/'No' pages: This is largely where my theory that vignette=memory manipulation makes the most sense, The darkness overtaking the page represents bill's influence and control, and stops resembling the journal pages much (though it could be invisible ink again). He can mess with Ford's mind as much as he likes. If these pages were ever real, Bill could have destroyed them himself too. Bill's pretty much telling the story here.

Fidds page, S page- Gin made another excellent post pointing out the problems with these. They're a bit redundant when compared to J3, aren't they? And in oddly specific ways. The use of the brother code indicates they're real, though. If Bill erased Ford's memories of these pages, him basically re-writing them makes sense, and also Ford going from 'the caves hold the answer' to 'the caves might hold the answers', the snow going from 'begun to fall' to 'has fallen', and going 'fidds wont speak to me'! instead of 'my assistant has clearly left me'. In some way Ford has probably retained a bit of his plans, but its not a stretch to say he'd loop his train of thought after losing memories. The "I grow maddened" at the edge is very shaky and blurry, which could reflect the shaky and blurry memory.

I also notice (this has probably been pointed out before) now in J3 that only once outside of Gravity Falls (route 14) can Ford plan clearly. Perhaps Cipher's influence is weaker outside the town? It makes sense. if Ford sent the postcard and made his plan while free(ish) of Bill's meddling, that's why Bill couldn't just erase his memory of his plan again.

So...yeah! Some are definitely fake. Some are placed or altered intentionally to serve a narrative. Bill could be manipulating the reader's and ford's memory to have never seen these pages. Some of these memories could have been simply warped, or erased later- not right away. I'll be honest I don't love the implication that Bill can just manipulate Ford's memories freely, so I'm sure there are significant limitations to it. Bill has to stall for the whole book and give away a lot of secrets in order to change the reader's brain enough for him to be satisfied, and even then it's not enough to make the reader give in. Bill's abilities are much less than he purports. He also says that the person can notice his 'tune-ups', so there is only so much he could alter someone's brain before they notice. However, if he's been messing with Ford's head this long, he'd have a big advantage. Is the explanation that Bill erased Ford's memory a little lazy? ...Yeah? But it also kind of heightens how badly Ford was being manipulated and why he got so paranoid and unhinged there. It lets a lot of these puzzle pieces fit together that wouldn't otherwise.

My vignette theory isn't super strong, I'll admit, but I think it definitely indicates something, given some pages don't have it when they could have. They could also simply indicate those pages were burned, though it being on the fake pages makes less sense then. Bill having destroyed the pages himself makes sense for a lot of the pages, but I cant rule out the possibility Ford did destroy some of them out of frustration/shame.

Something I also realized while going through J3 again is how many 'doodles' in J3 involve red triangles. (you can see an example on Frilliam's page) The triangles I assumed were Ford's obsession with Bill, but what if they were Bill's obsession? For another post perhaps.

So, what do y'all think? Ideas? Agree? Disagree? Things I missed? Questions? Something huge that shatters my whole theory? Let me know!

[ynsvnte]

Gilded Lily — Park Jongseong

— pairing: ex!Jay x gn!reader (ft. Heeseung)

— Genre: angst, post-breakup, moving on, oneshot?

— warnings: crying, mentions of getting old, bad health but it’s not describe

— wc: 1.5k (1565)

— Synopsis: moving on from your ex wasn’t easy. But you knew you had to make to the end. And after all those years of radio silence of not hearing a word from him. He came along one day..and oh boy was it different..

Part one , Masterlist

Now it's been long enough to talk about it

Years have passed by now. And at least to say you haven’t seen Jay. Not once. You still from time to time get the bittersweet feeling. Moving on from him was easier said than done. There was still a tiny piece in your heart. Shouting and wanting his love back. But you knew, knew right in your head that would be a bad idea, and you definitely don’t want to experience the same thing again. The time moving on from him was difficult..is one way to describe it. It wasn’t so easy. Him being your first love, and just breaking you, was very heart wrenching to say the least. It made you realize how fragile you were as porcelain. Just like how porcelain can chipt. Doing damage. It wouldn’t break you instantly but rather slowly. The stages of moving had three as you sorted them out number one being. The beginning, of course. Second is realization, third is the end. You’ve reached the end. Or maybe not…

But with my double vision, how was I supposed to see the way?

The beginning includes lots of crying, lots and lots of crying. It was your first ever breakup, you didn’t expect him to do something like this. He seemed so caring towards everyone. He wouldn’t dare to hurt anyone’s feelings. So why did he hurt yours? That’s a question you would ask yourself. It was hard. The cycle went on for months and months. Maybe 6 months.. crying about a man that didn’t deserve you. Said your best friend. Your best friend supported you all the way from the beginning to the end, and you appreciate it so much. You wanted him back. Still deeply in love with him. You would go through your old photos with him, messages. Memories would flood your mind. Which wasn’t helpful in any way. Your overall health got affected. Mentally, emotionally, physically. Mentally you felt so broken, drained, depressed. You weren’t your usual self. Emotionally crying. Crying. And more crying. He was the perfect man in your eyes. Everything was going perfect, you’ve never doubted him before. But that night you wish you never saw what you saw. She wasn’t just a friend like he used to claim. Sure you let him have girl friends. You never had a problem before. But oh boy were you wrong. It’s stupid to think that you didn’t notice it before. Physically. You wouldn’t even try to get out of bed. Always being drained of energy because of all of that crying. Only getting up to use the bathroom and eating. Yes physically wasn’t the worst but you weren’t in your best state . The break up took a toll on your part. You didn’t know about Jay either. Maybe he was happy with his new lover. Living his best life while you are over here suffering.

Always the fool with the slowest heart

Realization, Luckily having major support from friends and family. They helped you each step. Your best friend helped the most. Always trying to make time for you. Even when she was the busiest person. It made you realize your worth, and how you should move on. That this time you were facing your old problems. You took it slowly not wanting to rush. You started to take care of your health. Deleting any photos of you and him together. And getting rid of old things that made you think of him. You wanted to be a better version of yourself. One that he never should ever destroy and own. You got better day by day. Your smile returned to your face. Everything was going back to how they used to be, when you weren’t broken-hearted. Your thoughts were now very different, having a positive outlook. You now smiled and it wasn’t for him.

Turn off all alarms and lie to me

The end. It’s completely not over. Yet some might assume it is. It’s not for you. You can still feel some part of him in you. You thought you were never going to see him again. You sometimes think back to that day. The day he lost you. You also thought if he ever tried finding you. Which you didn’t think so because he was someone else. It does hurt at times to realize he wasn’t the one for you. And how you were never going to grow old with him, get married. A because of his mistake. You’re very proud of yourself for how far you’ve come. In this situation. You’ve found someone new. And already being engaged to him.

Your first encounter with Jay after years was when you were by yourself shopping for your new home that you recently bought. Jay stood there recognizing the woman, whom he deemed to love the most. In flesh.

“Yn..” a voice speaks out. You look around and meet a pair of eyes staring right at you..

“Jay..??” You say confused. You never thought you would see him again. “Hey..how’s it going…” Jay said softly, happy to see you. “Good, and you..?” You asked. “Wish I could say the same..” he stated making you confused.. “What..? What about your girlfriend..?” You mentioned the woman he cheated on you with. Lord..the memories.. “We, we’ve been alright..just kind of in a rocky situation right now..we just broke up..soo” he says. You nodded your head..

“Yn..I know I was wrong for what I did..but please take me the back..” as soon as he said those words. You were pissed. Who does he think you’ll forgive him easily.

“No, I’ll never. Jay you don't know the damage you did to me. I actually thought I was having nightmares. I thought you would come back and tell me it’s all not real. I waited. I waited for you to tell me it was all a lie and it wasn’t really, but no. I was crying, crying everyday about someone who I thought was my forever. My forever who broke my heart. My forever who was also my first love. I was so foolish to think you would come back. And thought that for 6 months. 6 months, hoping you would come back, comfort me, tell me there isn’t another girl. Nobody knew how much I loved you, even you…eventually I gave up. I moved on Jay..there’s no..no chance..” you ranted out, crying..oh you wished you didn’t cry. Now Jay was looking at you in shock.. he knew you loved a lot but not this much..

“I’m sorry..that’s how it ended..I never meant it..” Jay wanted to hug you, hold you in his arms like the old days. “If you never meant it, why did you cheat then? Sorry isn’t going to cut it..” you said before leaving him standing there..not giving him time to reply..

Your next encounter was 2 years later when you and your fiancé, Heeseung, were out on a date, spending quality time together. You were busy holding hands and faced him, you didn’t notice someone was there. Making you bump into them.

“Babe! Watch out..” heeseung warned you.

“Huh what do you mea-“ before you could finish, you crashed into someone causing them to let out a grunt. “Oh my god! I’m so sorry!” You tried apologizing. You quickly look up and realize who the person was…

“J-Jay…” you say shocked. Jay also realized it’s you. You.

“Yn..is that really you??..” Jay said before pulling you into a hug. You awkwardly hug him back and pull away from the hug.. “it’s been years…” you said. The air was uncomfortable as you faced your ex-lover. “Yeah..it has..and who is this…” Jay referred to the unknown man standing next you staring at you and Jay.

“Oh this is my fiancé, Heeseung. Babe, this is my old friend, Jay” you said introducing them to each other. Fiancé..how?? Jay never thought you would move on from him..well it has been approximately 6 years since you had any sort of contact with him. How small is the world huh..?

“Did you say..f-fiancé..?” Jay managed to say. Still surprised. “Yes..fiancé..” you said nodding your head..

“Well nice to meet you, Jay, but me and Yn have to get going..” heeseung said while looking at Jay with stern eyes. Jay noticed his stare and awkwardly nodded. Heeseung knew who he was, and what he did to you. He hated and still hates him..because why would someone hurt someone so precious. “Right..” Jay responded. Heeseung starts walking away and you follow after, suddenly you stop. You turned around..

“Jay, I’m sorry…but this is how it ends..I wish you well…” you say running to catch up to heeseung. Jay watches you walk away. With the man who he thought was supposed to be him but will never be. He hopes you will be happy. It will make you happy. Tears now flow down his face..and a sad smile appears on his face.

“Thank you, thank you..for being my love..” he says softly and turns around walking alone in regret..for giving you 6 years of hell..

We’ll live in spaces between walls

.・✫・゜・。. .・✫・゜・。. .・✫・゜・。.・✫・゜

"Maybe in another world, you would have chosen me."

- K.L, Midnight thoughts #3 (via vodkapoetry)

Author’s note: thank you to this anon for the idea. And I didn’t think some will like it bc no lie I hated it. Like my writing isn’t the best but Ty!! I also did want to use this song for a fic and I took my opportunity!! And did bad with Sunghoon back in October soo.. also happy new year everyone let’s hope 2024 is a good year!!

© ynsvnte copyright 2024

[a-witches-riddle]

Little Life Update

——————————————

Hey y’all! I know some of y’all have been concerned about my mental health and wellbeing, so I figured I should make a little update about how I’ve been doing.

Well, how am I doing?

I’m…. Okay! I think. I’ve… been in a pretty bad state mentally for a while now, caused by a lot of grief in the wake of cutting ties with someone extremely close to me. It’s quite honestly had me in a really bad headspace, bringing out some of the worst mental problems and coping mechanisms that quite honestly scared me straight. And in the wake of it all, I think I’ve come to a conclusion about myself. I’m tired of being miserable. I’ve been in various states of misery my entire life, and especially so after this, and I’m just done hating myself and finding reasons to guilt myself into the rut that I’ve been stuck in for the past month. The only one that’s been holding back my healing and my happiness and my progress to recovery has been me, and I don’t expect this to change overnight, but maybe I can allow myself to breathe again. I think a part of me will keep missing her, and I don’t think that it’ll change, but maybe I can start remembering the good times, and cherishing it from a nostalgic longing for a time gone by instead of the anger and aggression that we left on.

As for this blog? I had originally contemplated deleting this blog and leaving Tumblr entirely, which then shifted to possibly taking a very extended break from here, just leaving this account inactive for however long it took me to heal. I had felt like a lot of my grief and depression clouded how I interacted with people in my interpersonal relationships, but also how I managed and posted on this blog, and it didn’t feel right to me. My original intention for revitalizing this blog (because it originally was just a personal “whatever” blog before i started interacting with community) in the first place was to spread love, kindness, and joy to people’s lives, in whatever small ways I could through my posts and reblogs. I wanted to brighten peoples days, give back to a world that had treated me so harshly, and even be a source of inspiration for people. And… I think I’ve done a good job! And I don’t want to give that up.

I lost the plot for a while, and in a way I’m really disappointed in myself. But leaving? I think that’d be an even bigger disappointment to the amazing people that I’ve met on here, the people that I’m continuing to meet, and honestly? This blog has been something I needed in my life. A place to be my truest and most authentic self. I’ve learned so much about myself, my indentity, what I value, and I’ve been so thankful to have this opportunity and place to continuously meet the most wonderful, amazing, beautiful, and intelligent people in the gayest of ways imaginable. I want to continue being a source of love and inspiration for the people that I interact with, and I want to keep growing and prospering in so many ways that I know that I deserve.

I just… I love this place so much. And I don’t think that I’d be the person I am today without it and the friends that I’ve made through it. The road for recovery for me is still going to be a hard-fought one, and I’m sure I’ll have lots of falls along the way, but at least I have what I have to catch me. I love y’all, and thank you all for being here and sticking by me or even having just met me through this (albeit small) transitional point in my life. Here’s to more fun times, gay yearning, hornyposting, and wonderful moments going forward <3

-Bree 💙🏴‍☠️🏳️‍⚧️

[strawberriemarswrites]

IFDYOKAAT: Deleted Scene

I'm literally writing the last words of Nightmare. I'm thinking I'll release it next Friday (the 13th, wooo~).

As a huge thank you to everyone for reading, commenting, liking, and all the love you guys have shown this fic, here's a little scene I wrote but had to take out because I couldn't find a place for it. I think it was supposed to be after the nightmare sequence in Chapter 7, but things got moved around so it was sent to the cutting room floor.

Without further ado, one last Barto break-in before we get to the crazy shit.

As you closed the door to the bathroom, Bartolomeo released the breath he was holding before crawling out from under your bed. How he managed to duck down and tuck himself into the small space was nothing short of a miracle, especially doing it so well that the cat didn’t wake up first and rat him out.

He could lie to himself — that he thought you’d gone to work, that he was just making sure your door was locked, that he wanted to visit Luffy — but the truth was that he woke up early and couldn’t fall back asleep. And even though he was trying to avoid sneaking in when you were still home, he thought maybe he could leave something in your purse to make your day better. Problem was, it was pouring rain outside, and he didn’t want to go through your apartment soaking wet. He was surprised to find your door was unlocked when he tried it, and he made a mental note to lock it when he left.

But of course, his impulse control won out when he saw your bedroom door open just a crack. He could pretend, just for a minute, that you would be waking up together. He was carefully making his way to you when you’d gasped awake, and thus he ended up beneath the bed.

Bartolomeo pushed himself up from the floor and stealthily crept back to the front door. The sound of the shower running bought him more time, at least. Just enough to do one thing. He still made sure to lock the apartment when he left.

By the time you were leaving for work, you heard the rain pouring outside. You weren’t sure when you last used your umbrella, but you apparently left it right by the door when you had. You thanked your past self for being too lazy to put it away.

[vashsusedundies]

I haven't posted on here in SO long 😭 I really apologize for disappearing so suddenly. I stopped posting to my TikTok a while ago too, mostly because a lot of stuff happened in my life and my ADHD brain just isn't dealing well with it all. But the recent TikTok ban (even though I'm not American myself) made me open my Tumblr again out of curiosity and gah, I really do miss posting 💔 I still have so many unposted images and drafts, all from Stampede alone (not to mention '98 and BLR.). And with Stargaze hopefully coming out soon, I've been thinking of getting back into posting. I've also been thinking of doing some maintenance on my account, cuz damn, I really did not need to include this many images of the same scenes 💔

And I still to this day have a running subscription on my Google Drive for all the content I've uploaded there, even though I haven't done so agesss, lol. Maybe I should make use of it again... I'm not sure, but I am really thinking of posting again. Just to my Tumblr this time though, I can't handle more than one social media account at the moment. I would probably also post more than just upscaled images of Vash. Especially since there are so many other characters in Trigun, and I also started writing recently. I've made one more Trigun OC I'm really proud of (I've had a self-insert before, but now she's got an S/O 💖) and I got a whole document full of Trigun lore for them that I really wanna share with more peopleee 💔

I really want to, but I'm not sure. If I do start posting again, I'd have to prepare a little, and I would most likely start from scratch (if I delete all the posts, I'll keep my pinned for anyone who does still want access to all the images). And then I'll probably repost all the stuff, but in a more organized manner, lol.

Fank yew for reading my rant 💖

Also, I'm so sorry to all the Americans who were affected by the TikTok ban, I know it's only been a few hours as far as I'm aware but 💔 I've yet to open my TikTok, even though I'm not affected at all, but it feels wrong to for some reason 😭 I really hope everyone who transitioned to Tumblr due to the ban is able to find some peace and love here 💖

[the-mandawhor1an]

6 months later...

TLDR: it's Zaddy's and my RP 'anniversary'; artworks; Wolke being emotional about her Tumblr experience; and a fluffy one shot/drabble at the end of the WAY TOO LONG POST

I've alluded to it before, I've commissioned some artwork of the two lovebirbs and they just so happened to get finished this week. Huge thanks to @kenobiwanx for making the two come alive 😭 I can NOT stop staring at them.

LOOK AT THEM 😭😭😭

Yes these are spoilers for upcoming events but I just 😭😭😭😭😭😭😭

@zaddymandalorian Überraschung!

Back to the actual point *wipes tears off her face*

Let's set the scene...

My dearest Zaddy and I reconnected in November of 2023 as I had been on a work trip at that time and I needed someone to talk to. We'd been talking on and off for the last months, mostly smalltalk and sometimes me complaining about stuff. Worth mentioning is also that I sent her my Maia fanfic back in June. First person to read it besides myself. I've known Zaddy since spring of 2016 ish (which also means I've known her longer than my husband – fun fact) so I felt comfortable with her reading my extremely self-indulgent shit. Everyone needs friends like that ♥

We mused about the roleplays we lost to forum admins being ruthless in their inactive-thread-deletion efforts every 4 months. We had barely started a Witcher RP and I'm sure it would've been awesome if we had continued. We literally stopped 7 ish posts in so nothing had happened really. – Why was it inactive? Well I took a 14 month roleplay hiatus due to me being chronically fatigued. The joys of working a stressful job and being severly anemic. Oops.

I tested the waters and made an offhand comment about maybe giving in and asking her to plot something with me.

This is a very convincing re-enactment of what happened: (translated because we're German potaters)

Well... and that's when the fun began

I, being a total Pedro fangirlie, asked if we wanted to just take the synopsis of my fic and run with that. She agreed, I was happy, she was happy.

So it's been 6 months.

OH. MY. GOD.

I did not think I had it in me to be consistently posting daily for 6 months. We've laughed, we've cried, we've lost sleep over it. We've grinned into our phone screens like maniacs at work and luckily no one asked

And now, 260k words later, I'm still in love with the babies. In fact I'd say I love the little blorbs even more now. Maia has a face, she has outfits (multiple!) she has a family and a story (that's only about 1/3 written so whew we might make it to a million)

Of course I also love Zaddy very much (and I will keep lovebombing your ass, bitch 🖤💜)

You know what, fuck it, I'm mentioning more people. Buckle up! Wolke spreads some love!

@immarocketman for being the first person on Tumblr that I kind of clicked with because we share a love for Pedro and the color purple 💜

@roughdaysandart for 1) allowing me insight in her creative process making a Fanfic comic and b) doodling Maia basically as soon as she made an appearance in text form 💜

The moots: @thefrogdalorian @djarins-cyare @djarins-wife @pedroswife69 for interacting with me, commenting on my posts and being real cute in general 💜

Everyone that ever interacted with me on here has been nothing but friendly, I feel extremely welcome over here. Everyone who liked/reblogged or commented on my posts, thank you so much. 💕💕💕💕💕💕

Now that the sappy whining is over, who wants to read something actually interesting?

In spirit of me being overbearingly loving, I've typed up a bit of fluff from the lovesick fools™ of Clan Mudhorn. Unbeta'd.

It was early in the morning, the sun barely over the horizon and engulfing the room in warm orange light, when Din awoke, a soft and warm body nestled into his side. She let out the softest little hum when he buried his face in her hair, wrapping his arms around her to hold her close.

"Sleep," he purred into her hair, placing a kiss on her forehead when her face turned towards him. Again, with a quiet hum, she buried her face in the crook of his neck. "How am I supposed to sleep when my husband has his hands all over me?"

"I'm sorry," he apologized and gently stroked her hair. "Why are you awake anyway?" she asked, finally raising her head so her sleepy, green eyes looked into his. "Hey mesh'la," he greeted her with a smile, placing a gentle kiss on her lips. "I don't know. I guess the sun woke me up, it's too bright in here." He sighed. "I miss the hut on Nevarro, it was always dark in there." "Come on, it's not that bad here. We needed more space anyway."

She pulled away from him, rolling over so she was on her stomach, hugging the pillow underneath her to get a better look at her everything. "Is the sun too strong, my warrior king?" a grin crept onto her lips as her eyes blinked slowly. Clearly this was way too early for her liking. To be fair, last night went on for longer than anticipated. "Are the little troublemakers awake yet?" She raised her head and turned to face the door. For now it seemed peaceful and quiet in the adjacent rooms.

Knowing well she would rise from the bed to check if he didn't stop her, Din hoisted himself over her body, practically pressing her into the mattress with his body weight. "You're not getting up to check on the kids now, cyar'ika," he muttered, peppering kisses along her shoulder. A chuckle escaped her lips as she rotated her head so she could see him in her peripheral.

She was so glad the mattress was soft enough to just give in under the weight, forming a perfectly human-shaped dent to make way for her body. "Whatever you say, great Mand'alor." For just a second she could feel him grind his pelvis into her butt.

He kept on pressing kisses on her neck, her shoulders, slowly crawling down her spine, kissing every little scar he found on his descent. "You really have to stop saying it like that." "Like what?" "With the bedroom-voice." He stopped to crawl back up to her head and leaned forward, giving her the chance to look into his face. His eyes were darkened, one of his eyebrows twitching upward.

"You're insatiable," she laughed, shaking her head. He slowly lifted off of her, immediately wrapped both arms around her and pulled her onto his chest. "That's your fault, my love." His voice was warm and silky, the vibration in his chest making her shudder. "My fault?" "You're just too beautiful so I can't keep my eyes or my hands off of you for long." "Di'kut" "Gar di'kut, forever." "Forever is a long time," she said softly and ran her fingers through his hair.

"And I'll be happy to spend every minute with you. I love you so much" he took her hand in his and softly kissed her knuckles. She sighed and watched him kiss every finger, eyeing her intently. She was mesmerized by his eyes, almost hypnotized by the dark brown, with the orange light surrounding them it reminded her of embers, glowing and warm.

Forever was a long time and although it didn't feel like it, time was progressing, evident by the threads of silver that sparkled in his dark brown curls. And although she felt like she herself was showing signs of ageing, he always told her she was as beautiful as the day he met her. "I love you more, mesh'la," she replied and rested her hand on his cheek.

"You and the kids are everything to me. I would die for you," he mused, closing his eyes as her finger brushed over his beard toward his lips. Her movements halted and the dark brown eyes reopened, scanning her features for signs of her sudden stop. The small crease on her forehead was enough for him to know exactly what was troubling her.

"Look at me," he pleaded with her, cupping her cheek in one of his hands now. "I know that look on your face. I would doesn't mean I will. Stop thinking about it. I'm here and so are you." Her hand slowly retreated to rest atop of his, thumb brushing over his warm and tanned skin. "Thanks to you, I am. You've saved my life once, I hope you don't have to do it a second time." She smiled warmly and nestled her face further into his hand.

Din grumbled and pulled her face closer, peppering it with kisses wherever he could reach. "I've saved your life twice. But it doesn't matter, you've given me more than I could ever imagine. I have a family now. And the most amazing wife in the galaxy." "I love you." "Until the end of space and time."

Both flinched when they heard a noise outside the bedroom. Instantly both heads were turned to the door, listening for more noises. One of the kids must've woken up, maybe their voices were too loud.

"Any guesses?" Din asked his wife, once again burying his face in her hair. "My gut tells me it's your mini-version," she suapected, turning her head to kiss him gently. "Your gut? Or your Jedi magic?"

Din rose from the bed, stretching his muscles in the morning sun, stared at by his better half. "And you say I'm insatiable." A sly grin appeared on his lips as he put on a shirt, his shoulders and bicep stretching the fabric just enough to make her hum. "The faster you check on the troublemakers the sooner you can come back to bed. Hurry, I'm not done with you."

She didn't have to tell him twice.

Translations:

mesh'la - beautiful

cyar'ika - darling

di'kut - idiot

gar di'kut - your idiot

[kazuyumi1412]

So, I started up one of my writing sessions yesterday, and my mind couldn’t help but wander a bit. I figured that other writers (or any creatives for that matter) could benefit from a little advice, and a little reminder:

Save your older work.

Even if you’re new to your craft, or if you’ve been at it for years and years, don’t delete/get rid of your older work if you don’t have to.

When I started writing, I wrote anything and everything that came to mind. I let the ideas flow and put the pen to the page. But later on, when I looked back at it, I thought that it was bad. Cringy. Awful. And I deleted them entirely.

Sure, some of them were pretty dang bad. (Not every story’s going to be great.) But let me tell you, for some of those stories, I massively regret deleting them. Even if they were bad, cringy, and awful, they were still stories that I had written. Stories that had good concepts at their core, or neat ideas sprinkled throughout the tales.

I wish that I kept those stories, no matter how bad I thought they were at the time. Maybe those ideas just needed more polishing to really allow them to shine. Or maybe they could’ve been put to better use in a different story.

You might think that your old work is bad, and you might want to get rid of it entirely, but don’t. Look at your old work, and if there are things that you want to keep, or things that you want to change, take note of them. Maybe your ideas were better suited for something else, or maybe the concepts could be better executed with your current skill level.

We cringe at our old work because we may think it’s badly done. Maybe it was. But you may also be viewing it from a standpoint where you’re more skilled in your craft than you were when you first created your work. You can more easily see the flaws and imperfections that you couldn’t see before.

Look back at your old work and see how you’ve grown since then.

See what you did right. See what could’ve used some improvement.

Don’t throw out things entirely if you don’t have to. Even if you think they’re bad now, there could still be diamonds in the rough hiding in plain sight.

And give your past self some credit. They made an attempt. They did it the best way they knew how. And hey, you could learn a thing or two from them once in a while.

[alexdreamart]

So I have a story for you all. 

This is an art piece that I have done a while back and posted around tumblr under a different account (MythologicalSky). For some reasons I felt ashamed of sharing it anywhere on my main art accounts. I think only one friend of mine knew I made those art pieces as I shared progress with them  (you know who you are!). I am still not quite sure if I felt like I shouldn't or if I didn’t want to post it as AlexDreamArt. I still can’t quite identify why and I’m slightly anxious at the concept. Maybe because of the cultural background of the country I live in or that or the general concept of fan shipping fictional characters being something wrong (which I don’t believe it is!).

Either way I created a completely new account and I drew stuff just for myself without fear of how it will be received by others. At first it felt really satisfying. I did art because I liked it (I still love doing art but often I am self conscious of what I post) and shared it without any worries. In time it still didn’t feel quite right to post it elsewhere as if I was not okay with what I created, even though I felt proud of how I painted then. So at the end of the day I deleted that alternative art account too. 

Some time passed since then and it was a huge lesson to me and something I need to work a lot on, slowly. To stop thinking how well or bad the art will do and just stay true to what I create and what I like. Even if it is just silly fanart, sketch or piece that has meaning only for me, regardless how others may view it. If they like it and enjoy it - that’s awesome but I should stay honest with my art first. I’m not there yet, it may take me a long time before I do. I took the first step and reposted this art on Twitter a while ago but took it down again. So here is yet another attempt at the second-first step I guess. 

Here are two art pieces and sketches that I’m (was) actually very proud of. Maybe for most that see this art it won’t mean much or they could even think it is cool art and scroll down. But for me it is important. The themes I tried to capture with them of forgiveness, pain, failure, trust… What you see in those pieces is up to you. 

I will never be able to satisfy everyone else with what I create so I may as well just do what I enjoy and find people that enjoy it alongside me. So for all total of three people that look at my blog, here is my story time, thank you for reading <3