#I think if people have an issue with the latter but not the former that logic just doesn't follow through
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darkfire359 Ā· 3 days ago
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I donā€™t understand why people are so upset about Christian Linkeā€™s declaration that Viktor is asexual. Like, I donā€™t know anything about this creator personally, so maybe he is just homophobic on his own time or something. But as far as I can tell, he basically said two things in his interview:
- Jayce/Viktor shippers didnā€™t influence the writing of season 2 because they didnā€™t plan to take things in that direction. This shouldnā€™t be surprising. It also doesnā€™t really affect how gay Jayce and Viktorā€™s relationship ended up looking in practice.
- Viktor was written as being asexual from the beginning, and Linke had explicitly talked to queer Rioters ahead of time to ask what representation was lacking (they said asexuality). The latter seems like a confirmable event and thus a weird thing to lie about. So I think he genuinely did plan it from the beginning and not just decide on it as a reaction to shippers.
Now, while Iā€™m annoyed that he seems to be conflating aromanticism and asexuality, this is kind of what I expect from the average cishet person. Honestly even queer writers like Vivziepop are guilty of this (the ā€œace in the holeā€ joke about Alastor in Hazbin Hotel is made in reference to Alastor not being romantically interested in someone). But I do prefer that writers at least *try* to write queer characters rather than just throwing out the whole thing as being too confusing.
And my impression is that they *did* tryā€”the show had multiple points where Viktor is shown to not reciprocate Skyā€™s affections, as well as one point where he seems to not really understand Jayceā€™s interest in Mel. And of course Viktor is unbothered by having a robot body thatā€™s incapable of sex (if only we could all upgrade ourselves like thatā€¦) In a show that doesnā€™t use the word ā€œsexā€ or use any labels for anyoneā€™s orientation, I think itā€™s hard to be explicitly clear here.
It seems like one thing people are upset about is Viktor being both disabled and asexual at the same time, and Iā€™ll admit I donā€™t really understand the issue. First of all, Viktor is not the only disabled characterā€”Sevika and late S2 Jayce are disabled as well, and itā€™s a particularly big issue for the former. Both of them are pretty canonically non-aceā€”Sevika due to the line about her visiting the brothel, and Jayce from his sex scene with Mel. I think this is like 2/5 of the characters in the whole show that are specifically non-ace.
Secondly, it seems like some of the concern with disabled characters being depicted as ace is them being seen as sexually undesirableā€”something clearly not the case with Viktor. Viktor is drawn / voiced very attractively (or so I gather), and in-universe he is being crushed on by Sky. Jayce also has a whole speech about how Viktorā€™s disability is beautiful. If the creators thought that Viktorā€™s disability made him unattractive in some way, they sure didnā€™t portray that, at all.
So yeah, I do not understand the problem with this announcement.
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imissthembutitwasntadisaster Ā· 10 months ago
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jitteryjive Ā· 4 months ago
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i need to remake my cup bros refā€¦ both cup and human designsā€¦ itā€™s been almost a year(?) and iā€™ve developed the headcanons and i would like to share with the class!!! (i wrote thirty tags. Please help me)
#my little hc i kinda showed in the refs but didnā€™t point out: cupheadā€™s handle appears broken/in human form his ear is halved#cause he has microtia (that also affects the eustachiantube/middle ear). basically i am a HoH cuphead truther#also to add onto that i think he has poor auditory processing issues cause i also see him as AuDHD#double also. while he would use ASL on a bad hearing day i think regularly he also uses home signs to express words/concepts#autism-related btw. itā€™s actually a bit visible in insert cuphead media (to me at least LOL) that cuphead expresses a lot of body language#so not liking conversation oral or signed as well as replacing oral words w home signs is in character. at least to my headcanon whatever#floats your boat!#OH! plus his split upper lip that i draw him with isnā€™t related to the microtia. he just roughhouses and chipped/tore his lip open when he#was younger#cuphead is also a trans boy. it feels right to me LOL#even back in 2017 when i barely knew the game or also much about trans people i saw cuphead and was like hm. hm!#tbh he just pawned his clothes onto mugman. who iā€™ve also changed my hc for i see him more as bigender than a cis boy now#LOL. i cast bi on mugman. sorry buddy#OH HIM TOO. im so sorry mugsy i have like two headcanons for you šŸ˜­šŸ˜­šŸ˜­#she uses he/she 2 me. i like casting personal parts of myself onto mugman even if i gravitate more towards cuphead/chalice#i see him as a bi ace as well. and a hopeless romantic. i donā€™t ship uhh i donā€™t remember what itā€™s called#i donā€™t ship cala maria X mugman (respect though) cause i see the cups as kids and iā€™m also a hilda X maria shipper LOL#but in the show. i will be real that she is a hopeless romantic. Look at that dork#FORGOT TO MENTION. i am a cuphead aroace truther to my grave. KEEP THAT MUSHY ROMANCE OUT OF MY HIGH SEAS ADVENTURE!!!!#like i said w cuphead before mugman is AuDHD (they share. many genes LMFAO)#however the difference is that they express it in different ways; while cupheadā€™s is more linked to his hearing/social behavior#mugmanā€™s is more related to her emotions. i see it through my headcanon colored glasses that especially in the show mugman has more#meltdowns between the two cups#he has high emotional sensitivity both in positive and negative ways; former as in being strongly attached to cuphead and latter as in#more prone to meltdowns as well as being very literal#which isnā€™t a bad thing of course. mugman we are shaking hands so hard we are the same#OK thatā€™s all the ones i want to share right now. i also havenā€™t shared her human or cup design i did but iā€™m workshopping chalice!!!!!!#i am leaving her out intentionally she deserves her own post because i luv her so much#ok post over. twenty minutes dedicated to autism about the twins out of the trio#cuphead
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faaun Ā· 1 year ago
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. anyway after writing the tags 4 this post i told my research partner i will no longer follow his dreams lmao. still helping w it but i need to engage in research that i find satisfying
#i think ive been waiting for something for a while and i will spend the next year waiting for it too#i thought i felt panic but i have decided to read it as anticipation. the thrill of rejection or of moving forward or the latter as#a result of the former. i left you with your backpack unattended in the cafe because on fridays i am done#putting my life on hold for another whim-without-a-warning#this cross country service is delayed by 26 minutes so i will grab a bucket and start shovelling the water away from the tracks#everyone is moving on in some different way and im sorry if you think im mean for telling you getting so drunk will disable you from#recording your brainwaves effectively but it seems like you think i owe you an awful lot. one year ago in four days my friend got me hegel's#science of logic for my birthday and i thanked him for proving to me the existence of things this is what i do he said#and then he will spend the rest of his life breathing philosophy and i dont want to spend the rest of my life#breathing someone elses dreams i wait for the moment of realisation. this is now a 30 minute delay. i was supposed to worship beautiful#things and that is what i will do. i think i have a best friend and i know i have a lover and i know to#restrict my love the way you have. im sorry. i hope you understand when i tell you. i am now sitting on the floor in the luggage section of#this incredibly busy train and i saw a photo of her with her boyfriend and her hair in braids smiling like a fool this is the#except a week ago you told me you almost took too much this time to live. you are a beautiful girl with a beautiful soul and you know you#have already changed the world and it somehow was not enough. now you are smiling without any makeup on next to him#and yesterday you cried in an airport in the states when you were too full of love. this is the most extraordinary human being i have met.#tomorrow he heads off to princeton while his best friend heads to harvard. he goes there to make the world a better place. he is the most#extraordinary person i have ever met. the issue with human beings is that we are incredibly good at almost dying and keeping going.#you try to kill yourself and publish a paper and give a talk. you negotiate the seperation between your own parents and submit another#phd application. i am surrounded by extraordinary people with extraordinary minds and incredibly broken happy hearts.#i only see you smile when you talk about robotics. i still dont know how manifolds work and i love the concept anyway. i dont know.#i do know that i refuse to live unsatisfied.#you can keep drinking. im going to drink this reality up#i think i was a horrible person and i refuse to engage with that mentality again no matter what it takes.
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celestie0 Ā· 3 months ago
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gojo satoru x reader | oneshot smut [18+]
title. around the clock
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Hooking up with your little brotherā€™s babysitter? That sounds more like a bad porno than a sensible decision.
į°” pairing. babysitter/boxing au - underground boxer & babysitter!gojo x college student!reader (f)
į°” summary. when underground boxer gojo satoru becomes a little strapped for cash, he gets a day job as a babysitter for a five-year-old kid named yuuji who most definitely has adhd (but thatā€™s besides the point). the kidā€™s mom gave gojo two rules, and two rules only: donā€™t accidentally kill my son, and do not flirt with my daughter. heā€™s pretty sure heā€™s got a good hold on the former, but heā€™s got no self control over the latter.
į°” warnings/tags. 18+, fem!reader, smut, casual sex, lil bit of fluff, lil bit of crack, slight age gap (readerā€™s 22 & gojoā€™s 27), cum play, creampie, unprotected sex, praise kink, slight degradation, gojo is a sleazebag that cares?, sort of porn-coded smut except thereā€™s a lil bit of lore so itā€™s kinda porn w plot, uhh having sex with risk of getting caught, gojo beats people up at night & then plays father figure to a 5 y/o during the day, mentions of violence/alcohol/drugs/blood/cigarettes
į°” word count. 12.6k
a/n. hiiii friends jeez it feels like FOREVER since i've posted some good ol' smut (still has plot tho xd)...hopefully you enjoy n see ya at the bottom! lmk if i missed any warnings! if you asked to be tagged but didnā€™t get tagged itā€™s bc you have your tags off aaa :( even when some ppl tried to fix it i still couldnā€™t tag them iā€™m sorry!!
alsoooooo so very much love to @starmapz for beta reading this for me :ā€) really helped me w my posting nerves haha. she is also a wonderful jjk author pls go check out her works!! šŸ’• ART CREDITS: @/3-aem
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2:34 pm yuujiā€™s sis (no flirting): heyy um iā€™m sorry if this comes off kinda rude i just am kinda bad with this but i was wondering if you could text my mom for questions about yuujiā€™s care instead of me?
2:46pm Gojo Satoru: Oh 2:46pm Gojo Satoru: Yeah, sure
2:34 pm yuujiā€™s sis (no flirting): sorry i know my mom doesnā€™t know much ab how to take care of him bc i was the one that took care of him for a while but i just really want to separate myself from that guardian role now that iā€™ve transferred to NYU yknow? :/ i think itā€™s not my place anymore. i just wanna be big sis now haha
2:46pm Gojo Satoru: I get it. Sorry if I was making you uncomfortable with my texts
2:48pm yuujiā€™s sis (no flirting): no no not uncomfy by it, thanks for looking after him. itā€™s just iā€™m kind of busy n stuff so it can be distractingĀ 
2:49pm Gojo Satoru: Ok, got it
2:52pm yuujiā€™s sis (no flirting): and it was kind of an issue with his last babysitter
2:53pm Gojo Satoru: Oh?
2:55pm yuujiā€™s sis (no flirting): yeahhh like he would keep textinf me n stuff uhh kinda weird thingsā€¦ i told my mom about it and she was super pissed so she fired him
2:55pm Gojo Satoru: Weird things?
2:56pm yuujiā€™s sis (no flirting): yeah he was always ā€œaccidentally sexting meā€ n like he sent me a dick pic once sooooo yeah
2:56pm Gojo Satoru: Who tf 2:56pm Gojo Satoru: Iā€™ll go beat him up
2:57pm yuujiā€™s sis (no flirting): oh no no its fine lol 2:57pm yuujiā€™s sis (no flirting): please dont beat anyone up 2:58pm yuujiā€™s sis (no flirting): iā€™m not saying youā€™re like him tho i just think maybe less texting unless its an emergency okay?
3:00pm Gojo Satoru: Are you sure because I will totally go beat him up for you
3:01pm yuujiā€™s sis (no flirting): NO I DONT WANT YOU TO BEAT ANYONE UP FOR ME 3:01pm yuujiā€™s sis (no flirting): also no offense but you dont look like you could beat someone up
3:01pm Gojo Satoru: WHAT 3:02pm Gojo Satoru: Tf you mean ā€œno offenseā€ thatā€™s literally the most offensive thing you could say to a guy
3:04pm yuujiā€™s sis (no flirting): yeaa i mean you have muscles ofc but in the ā€˜ohhh i wanna look good for instagramā€™ way and not like real man muscles yknow
3:06pm Gojo Satoru: Ok princess next time you visit home and go on one of your stupidly large grocery hauls Iā€™ll make sure you carry all those groceries in by yourselfĀ 
3:06pm yuujiā€™s sis (no flirting): NO 3:07pm yuujiā€™s sis (no flirting): I WAS JUST JOKING 3:07pm yuujiā€™s sis (no flirting): YOURE SO STRONG TY FOR ALWAYS CARRYING THE GROCERIES INSIDE 3:08pm yuujiā€™s sis (no flirting): PLEASE KEEP CARRYING MY GROCERIES INSIDE
3:09pm Gojo Satoru: Nah 3:09pm Gojo Satoru: Should we be texting right now? Iā€™m not sensing any emergencies here
3:11pm yuujiā€™s sis (no flirting): pls. my groceries :(
3:16pm Gojo Satoru: Iā€™ll let the kiddo know you say hi šŸ‘‹šŸ¼Ā 
The irony of it all was that, if Gojo really wanted to, he absolutely could beat the shit out of someone. And he has, hundreds of times, pseudo professionally. Although that isnā€™t something heā€™d admit to you, out of fear that you might relay that info back to your mom who would then become mortified that sheā€™s entrusted her five-year-old sonā€™s life to the hands of an underground boxer.Ā 
But he needed the money. A night-time job didnā€™t really make daytime money, not when they could easily replace him with the next dude the second he gets knocked out of the ring more than twice, let alone if he let it happen once. And although he sometimes made large sums, it wasnā€™t stable income. He needed a back-up plan, and so babysitting it was.Ā 
The babysitter working nights at unsanctioned dojos and gyms located in the back of cartel blocks, knocking teeth out of men twice his size, would put any decent mother into a coma or induce some episode of syncope, hence why it wasnā€™t something he put on his resume before he got hired. Not that he even needed to provide a resume; your mom seemed desperate to cover the position as fast as possible, that promotion at work was moving faster than she wanted to, and Gojoā€™s beneficial attribute that he possessed as a candidate to look after her son, compared to all the other potential hires, was that he had a penis.
He likes the kid. Yuuji. Heā€™s got kind of a short attention span, and makes Gojo weary of his age. Hold up, that makes him sound like heā€™s geriatric, heā€™s really only the ripe old age of twenty-seven, but the immortality and infinite stamina that a five-year-old boy has on him is enough to have him huffing and puffing at the end of every single evening shift he takes on with the rascal.Ā 
Fighting is all sprint, and no stamina. Sure, there might be some more seasoned boxers that might disagree with him, but for someone as young as him in the field, itā€™s the tactic heā€™s been forced to gain. If he draws a fight on for too long, he'll get killed by a forty-two year old man with steroids clogging up his adipose tissue and enoughĀ  testosterone to grow a full-body beard by the time the sun starts to set. No, his strategy is to knock them out within the first fifteen seconds. Use their weight against them, and whatnot. A tactic heā€™s found has worked, since heā€™s been undefeated thus far.Ā 
He can never wrap his head around it. The drug lords that run the rings whoā€™ve gained millions the night before from selling crystal meth only to lose it all the night following in the second Gojo hooklines a solid punch to their betting boxerā€™s chin, making them see God & their Momma before they tap out (if theyā€™re even able).
He doesnā€™t pocket much money from it, not anything compared to what the men who bet on him end up making at least, but itā€™s a decently solid sum. How lucrative it really is depends solely on what he thinks the value of his life is.
Itā€™s not unheard of, boxers dying in the ring. Turns out, rich drug dealers care very little about the sheep theyā€™ve captured to perform their entertaining little stunts. But Gojo wasnā€™t doing all of this to feel some sense of work-life pride, no, it was just sustenance. When basic needs are not met, humans resort to the most animalistic of all behaviors, and while heā€™s not proud of what he does, he canā€™t deny the fact that itā€™s turned him into an adrenaline junkie that gets a rush in his veins every time he knocks a jaw loose.
But balance was key. And hence why heā€™s a boxer by night, babysitter by day. For at least four days a week, he gets to pretend heā€™s the kingā€™s most trusted appointed knight, or heā€™s the radioactive tyrannosaurus rex that wants to tyrannize all the other dinosaurs, or maybe heā€™s the evil power ranger (he always forgets which color that one was) that is determined to make the world a living hell by smashing mr. potatohead against the bunk bed post a billion times for all the other toys to see. Or whatever other imaginative hyperfixations Yuuji imposes on him in the later afternoon once heā€™s had his bowl of spaghetti-Oā€™s and is ready to play. Lately, the kidā€™s been really into space. Theyā€™ve got all sorts of space toys these days. Back in Gojoā€™s day, he just had a good olā€™ Buzz Lightyear.
ā€œOne rule, thatā€™s it: donā€™t accidentally kill my son. Actually, one more rule. Donā€™t flirt with my daughter.ā€Ā 
Thereā€™s a part of Gojo that believes your mom kind of knows heā€™s up to shady shit at night, otherwise why else would she clause for him to not flirt with you if she didnā€™t read the slight swell to his eye and the healing gash across his cheek as anything other than this boy is trouble and I want him nowhere near my too-good-for-him daughter of reproductive capacity since thatā€™s the exact tale of how I became a single mother in the first place. Or maybe he inherently looks like heā€™s up to no good? Heā€™s not sure which angle is more offensive, and which one was more flattering. Well in any case, she entrusted Yuujiā€™s life to him, despite acknowledging the plausibility of harm, and that means she overall thinks positively of him, right? ā€¦ā€¦right?
The first night he met you, it was awkward to say the least. Gojo spends most of his nights performing deadly stunts for middle aged men with potbellies, and most of his days hanging out with a five-year-old (one who heā€™d argue is his only friend at this point). Sure, heā€™s got some people he sees occasionally back in his high school hometown when he can brave hearing about how everyoneā€™s in college now or doing a masters or theyā€™re working respectable nine-to-five day jobs meanwhile he has to lie to his Pops that heā€™s been working in insurance for the past two years. Listen, in fairness, he probably makes the same amount of money as an insurance broker would anyways, but he canā€™t exactly own up to the identity of his craft.Ā 
Anyways, the point is, heā€™s not used to seeing other people his age anymore. Thereā€™s the occasional hook-up with girls he hasnā€™t seen since Mrs. Tracyā€™s homeroom period back in sweet two-thousand-sixteen, or his twice-a-year hangout with Suguru where he only learns the day of where he's visiting from since the guy moves around more than Gojo can keep up with. But save for that, he mostly just sees your mom and then Yuuji.Ā 
So seeing you standing in the kitchen for the first time when he went to put Yuujiā€™s half-finished GoGurt back in the fridge was startling to say the least. When the sight of a woman startled him, he knew he needed to start getting out again.
You were on your tiptoes, reaching up to grab at something over the fridge, and wearing these ridiculously short shorts to where he could see the curve of your ass, his line of sight trailing down the skin of your bare legs. He couldnā€™t see anything of your form above your shorts, given you were wearing an extremely baggy t-shirt with NYU on it in big bolded university letters. As far as he knew, you were a senior at NYU, studying psychology, made deanā€™s list consecutively for the past three years given the way your mother posted all your stellar transcripts up on the fridge (he gets that sheā€™s proud of her daughter, but doesnā€™t that kind of stuff usually end in grade school?) But other than that, it was all the information he had on you.
ā€œHere,ā€ he said, pressing his front to your back, maybe just to get a feel, as he reached over to you to finally grab the box of cereal you were swatting for, the one that he purposefully placed at the back because Yuuji learned how to climb counters recently. ā€œIs this what you want?ā€
He had heard you gasp, spinning around on your heel fast, staring up at him with wide eyes like you werenā€™t expecting some random man to be in the house right now, and your first instinct ended up being to grab the knife out of the kitchen knife block and lunge it straight at his torso.
If it wasnā€™t for his boxer reflexes, heā€™d have ended up at the ER that evening. Or dead. All depending on the strength you could pack into a stab. But instead, he deflected it, though not without a gash to his torso through the fabric of his shirt, one that you spent the rest of the evening profusely apologizing for and eventually mending to with cotton balls and neosporin.Ā 
ā€œI didnā€™t know you were my little brotherā€™s babysitter,ā€ you mumbled with a small wince on your face as you dabbed ointment on the wound while he pulled the hem of his shirt up to his shoulder. Heā€™s never had an injury tended to before. It was nice.
ā€œItā€™s fine, I get it, totally acceptable response to seeing a random dude in your house.ā€
He remembers the curl of your eyelashes while you stared down at his bare upper half, something he imprinted on his memory rather than the concern in your face as your fingertips traced the scars across his chest. He hoped they made you feel better about the one you just slashed into him, because after all, what was one more?Ā 
He knows he shouldnā€™t have, but he kissed you that night. Two minutes before your mom came home, and right after you bid him goodnight with one more apology, he backed you up against the door of your bedroom, his hands on your hips pulling you towards him, and his lips pressed against yours. Something seamless, from candid conversation that was heading towards an end, to full fledged making out against white-painted wood, his teeth nipping at your lip and he wondered just how touch-starved those university boys were leaving you given the desperate way youā€™d clinged to his shirt for dear life as he deepened the kiss.
The moment only lasted one minute and fifty-seven seconds, and in the remaining three, your motherā€™s key pushed into the front door and he had to pull away. Always, on the dot, 10PM, she was home. It was how he knew he had two minutes left to make a move in the first place.
So much for no flirting.
6:57pm Gojo Satoru: Bahahah I accidentally forgot where yuujiā€™s epipen is 6:58pm Gojo Satoru: [sent a photo] 6:59pm Gojo Satoru: Turns out this can-o-soup was just covering it in the cabinet
7:01pm yuujiā€™s sis (no flirting): ??? why did you need to find his epipen
7:08pm Gojo Satoru: Oh he accidentally took a bite of my pad thai 7:09pm Gojo Satoru: I freaked cuz I thought it had peanuts in it but I remember I asked for it without anyĀ  7:09pm Gojo Satoru: shitā€™s crazy
7:10pm yuujiā€™s sis (no flirting): WHY THE FUCK DIDNT YOU TEXT ME????????
7:12pm Gojo Satoru: YOU SAID YOU DIDNT WANT ME TEXTING YOU UNLESS IT WAS AN EMERGENCY ?
7:13pm yuujiā€™s sis (no flirting): SATORU YOU THOGHT HE ATE SOMETHING W PEANUTS IN IT AND YOU FORGOT WHERE HIS EPIPEN WAS THATSS A FUCKIGN EMERGENCY
7:15pm Gojo Satoru: THE KID IS DOING FINE HES ALIVE JESUS LEAVE ME ALONE 7:16pm Gojo Satoru: [sent a photo] 7:16pm Gojo Satoru: See. heā€™s chill 7:17pm Gojo Satoru: with intact airways might I add 7:18pm Gojo Satoru: Also isnā€™t he a little too old to still be watching baby sensory videos?
7:20pm yuujiā€™s sis (no flirting): yeah my mom thinks he has adhd :(
7:22pm Gojo Satoru: oh
He tried to keep his word though (although he doesnā€™t recall ever giving it) out of the respect he had for your mom. She was a hard-working lady, single mom of two who went from working three jobs to now being a major administrator at a big law firm near the outskirts of town. It was an underdog story if heā€™d ever heard one, and he loved an underdog story.Ā 
But a little texting here and there wouldnā€™t hurt, right? Or so he thought, until you told him to cut it out with the contact. Maybe you were just trying to be the good one in this situation. After all, hooking up with your little brotherā€™s babysitter? That sounds more like a bad porno than a sensible decision. Still, heā€™ll eventually get your replies to his which shirt should Yuuji wear to the park? and look, the toothfairy gave him the butt of a joint and a couple thumbtacks for his front tooth. heā€™s ecstatic texts, although in a less timely manner than before when you werenā€™t trying to preserve propriety. And when youā€™d occasionally visit every other weekend, heā€™d do his best to keep his hands in his pockets, and youā€™d fill up your nights with hangouts with your hometown friends to avoid spending too much time with him at the house. A silent agreement to not fuck each other, it was.Ā 
4:55pm yuujiā€™s sis (no flirting): send pic of yuuji pls i miss him :(
5:04pm Gojo Satoru: [sent a photo]
5:08pm yuujiā€™s sis (no flirting): IS THAT BLOOD?!?!?!?!
5:09pm Gojo Satoru: chillllllll itā€™s fake. Weā€™re working on his halloween costume
5:09pm yuujiā€™s sis (no flirting): WHY DOES IT HAVE BLOOD?!?!?!?!?!?
5:10pm Gojo Satoru: He wants to be a baby xenomorph and I'm his parasitic host. You know that iconic chestburster scene from the old school alien movies? yeah
5:12pm yuujiā€™s sis (no flirting): satoru please for the love of god just dress him up as a dinosaur or something
5:13pm Gojo Satoru: Iā€™m not the one that came up with the idea, okay? It was him
5:14pm yuujiā€™s sis (no flirting): because you let him watch adult swim with you before putting him to bed. youā€™ve deranged his brain.
5:14pm Gojo Satoru: He needs it. Builds character.
Gojo was living a double life, and if someone asked him, heā€™d say it was less of a Clark Kent way and more of a Bruce Wayne way, although in reality, he knows itā€™s close to neither. Heā€™s no superhero with a concealed identity fighting crime, heā€™s a con artist thatā€™s tricked a hard-working woman into hiring him just because heā€™s trying to save up enough money to get the fuck out of this godforsaken town, given heā€™s not knocked dead before then for the crimeā€™s amusement.
But Yuuji looks up to him now. And Gojoā€™s grown attached to him too. He taught the kid how to tie his own shoes and piss inside the actual toilet like a real man. And that kidā€™s the only thing thatā€™s made him question any of this. Maybe thatā€™s what dads feel, suddenly held to all this impossible responsibility and the pressure to stop doing stupid shit so that youā€™ll stick around to see your kids get older. The thought that there are eyes on you now, eyes that are innocent and hopeful and learning, and because they know nothing at all, you feel the responsibility to protect them from everything. For fucks sake, remind him to never become a dad.Ā 
ā€œDo you like my sister?ā€ Yuuji had asked him out of nowhere one afternoon after he just got home from preschool, stacking a blue cube over a yellow one at the dining table.
ā€œUhh,ā€ Gojo starts. He wondered if your mom had put a wire on the kid, so his answer was as diplomatic as he could manage. ā€œYeah, sheā€™s cool. Youā€™ve got a cool sister.ā€
ā€œBut. But.ā€ Yuuji stutters, trying to find his big boy words. He stretches up higher to reach the top of his stack of blocks, but he only has so much arm real estate at the age of five. ā€œDo you like her like you wanna kiss her?ā€
Gojo grabs the block from the kidā€™s hand, for a moment questioning Yuujiā€™s decision to want to put a blue block over another blue block, but he figures aesthetics are the least of a kidā€™s concern, and so he places the block where Yuuji wanted it.Ā 
Why does the kid know what kissing is anyway? Do kids know that kind of stuff at that age? Isnā€™t a kiss to a five-year-old just something their mom gives to them before they head off to preschool for the day? And not something that happens between adult men and women? Maybe he should stop watching that adult swim in front of him.
ā€œNo. I donā€™t want to kiss your sister,ā€ he says, again, because he is suspicious of a wire. It was a lie and then some, because he wants to do a lot more than just kiss you.
Gojo lifts the RedBull he was nursing up to his lips and watches Yuuji in the corner of his eye as the kid stares at his growing stack of blocks with a concentrated expression on his face, his chubby fingers squeezing tightly into little round dimpled balls, like heā€™s putting together all his tiny brain cells together to form another coherent thought before turning to face Gojo on the chair.
ā€œItā€™s ok. You can kiss her if you wanā€™ed to. You can marry her too,ā€ Yuuji says.
Gojo almost spits out his RedBull. He barely manages to swallow it, a broken cough immediately leaving his throat when some of the liquid goes down the wrong pipe and heā€™s smacking a fist against his chest to knock the sanity back into himself.
ā€œWhere the fuā€”ā€¦where the flip did that come from?ā€ he asks, blinking back tears from the rasp in his throat.
Yuujiā€™s small shoulders sulk as he sits back on his heels. ā€œI want a papa.ā€
Oh fuck that hurt. Jesus christ, there was nothing more sad than that. Yuuji has literally never known what itā€™s like to have a dad, since his had left before he was even born. Gojoā€™s not really close to his old man by any means, but he had still been a fatherly figure in some pivotal moments when he had needed it growing up. Kids need their dads. And heā€™s seen enough people lose their way without one to know that the value of them is really underestimated.
Heā€™s also kind of shocked that Yuuji really did think of you as his motherly figure. Maybe since it had always just been him and his dad, Gojo learned how to self sustain from a young age, and he and his dad became accustomed to just looking after their own interests to avoid the headache of tending to one another. My land is my land, and your land is yours, and there was the occasional Saturday night spent together with his dadā€™s millions of beer bottles emptied dry on the carpet in front of the 1992 box TV as the two shared a greasy pizza from the place down the street. That was the extent of family solidarity that he knew.
But he canā€™t imagine being barely eighteen and having to take care of your little brother all by yourself because your mom was too busy trying to put food on the table and was too poor to hire a babysitter. Your mom tried so damn hard to keep you away from the single teenage mother life, but somehow ended up giving it to you by proxy in the end anyway. It was no wonder you wanted space now that Yuujiā€™s a little older and your mom can afford a babysitter. No matter how much you might love your sibling, being their effective guardian out of pure necessity had to have taken a toll.
Gojo clears his throat before he speaks. ā€œBuddy. If I married your sister, weā€™d be brothers. I wouldnā€™t be your dad.ā€Ā 
Yuujiā€™s eyes light up at the word brother. ā€œBrothers? Me and you?ā€
ā€œYeah. Bros.ā€
The kid giggles, all bubbly with cheeks rounding fully and eyes sparkling. Gojo reaches out to ruffle at his hair before Yuuji gets down onto one stubby leg at a time from the chair then bolts towards the kitchen.
ā€œJuice!!ā€ he yells somewhere around the corner out of sight.
Gojo sighs, staring at all the toys he pulled out for Yuuji to play with, all left in a scattered mess across the table. He gets up out of his chair and heads towards the fridge. ā€œYeah, yeah. Iā€™ll get you your juice, you little demon.ā€
The conclusion he comes to, and it might read like an obvious one, is that kids donā€™t really know the reality of life, hence why adults hide so much from them.Ā 
This is what he thinks of tonight when he wraps his worn out boxing tape around his hands and his wrist, tightening it with his teeth, and he can smell the sweat and grime from them. The back of the underground gym had an old dated locker room, and as Gojo stretches his neck side to side while sitting on the stiff metal bench, he eyes the peeling red paint of the locker in front of him, blurring vision making it look like spilt blood.Ā 
His phone pings with a text. He shuffles inside his duffle bag to look for it while his other hand scratches at his bare chest.
1:07am yuujiā€™s sis (no flirting): hhhhhhhhhiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiii 1:07am yuujiā€™s sis (no flirting): omgomgomg sor y iā€™mĀ 
He blinks at the screen, confusion flashing across his face. He types one letter, but then he sees three dots and a speech text bubble in the bottom left, so he waits for you.
1:09am yuujiā€™s sis (no flirting): i drunk :(
The corner of his mouth ticks up slightly.Ā 
1:09am Gojo Satoru: Yeah I can tell
1:10am yuujiā€™s sis (no flirting): at a apartyyyy
His eyebrows raise slightly, the thought of you tipsy on some frat party couch flashing through his mind, yet of all things you could be doing at that frat party, youā€™re texting him? Must be a really boring party.
1:11am yuujiā€™s sis (no flirting): whyyy are you aawake?
1:12am Gojo Satoru: Couldnā€™t sleep 1:12am Gojo Satoru: Donā€™t you have a midterm in the morning?
1:14am yuujiā€™s sis (no flirting): wtf hwo do you knwo that
1:15am Gojo Satoru: Your mom keeps your schedule posted on the fridge
1:15am yuujiā€™s sister (no flirting): im so fucked;ā€™;(((
He snorts. Heā€™s got a bit more life experience than you, five-ish years to be exact, more than enough time to master the no-hangover hangout, but just before he can offer you some advice, he sees another text from you.Ā 
1:16am yuujiā€™s sister (no flirting): can i tell u smethingĀ 
His gaze flits up to the ceiling briefly, and he hears commotion outside the thick walls of the locker room. The previous fight was over, and fast. The guy mustā€™ve been knocked out in under twenty seconds tops, which means that Gojo was next up against whatever superbeast just beat him up.Ā 
1:17am Gojo Satoru: Sure
He stands up, placing his phone down on the bench before he flexes the muscles in his arms a couple times to get the blood flowing into them. And thereā€™s the noise of another ping. Actually, four.
1:14am yuujiā€™s sis (no flirting): sonetimes 1:14am yuujiā€™s sis (no flirting): i thikn ofĀ  1:14am yuujiā€™s sis (no flirting): when u kisse me 1:14am yuujiā€™s sis (no flirting): *kissed me
His eyes widen slightly, irises dry to the ashy cigarette smoke from outside lingering in the air, and his heart rate picks up a bit. An adrenaline junkie with close to no fear in his veins due to the way his amygdalaā€™s been fried to a crisp from years of boxing, yet heā€™s got his breath hitched from the memory of your soft lips against his. It makes the blood rushing through the muscles of his arms rush somewhere down south instead.
Loud banging on the door of the locker room jolts him out of his trance, and heā€™s stiff around the edges once more.
ā€œSatoru! Youā€™re up, man,ā€ he hears Danny, the fight coordinator, yell at him from the other side of the heavy & poorly-installed steel door.
Gojo sighs, glancing down at the texts on his phone. To respond, or not to respond. Youā€™re off your face, clearly chatty from the alcohol, and he knows for certain youā€™ll regret every life decision youā€™ve ever made once you wake up in the morning and see the self sabotaging behaviors youā€™ve engaged in tonight. He knows that responding to you might put you at ease rather than straight up ignoring you, but the feeling will pass, and he has a match to win with no more room left to stall.
He makes his way out the locker room, pushing past the crowded halls of people underneath dim flashing club lighting, some dudes angrily jerking to face him when he pushes past them with a stiff shoulder, only for their eyes to widen when they see just exactly who pushed them.Ā 
Thereā€™s strippers in the ring, doing some routine for pre-match, and Gojo narrows his eyes at the man he sees laying back over the rubber boundary rope, head tipped back up to the ceiling with a wicked grin on his face. So that was his opponent? Heā€™s never seen the guy before. Was he from a different district? Different district talent was tough, you had no background info on them, while theyā€™ve been preparing to be here for weeks. Hence why boxers tend to do better when they visit a different district than they do in their own. There have been rules made to limit these types of fights, mostly over outrage that it was unfair to bid on them, but they were also usually more entertaining to watch. Gojoā€™s got a sick feeling to his stomach as the strippers clear the ring.
ā€œHey,ā€ Gojo calls out, grabbing Danny by the back of his collar and dragging him towards him and away from the girls stepping down onto the floor, ā€œwhatā€™s in for this fight?ā€
Danny glances up at the ceiling. ā€œTarpā€™s bettinā€™ tonight, so it canā€™t be anything less than ten grand for you. Iā€™d say tops fifteen?ā€
Gojo narrows his eyes further, then glances off into the ring again. The man stands up, and Gojo gets a better look on his face. Heā€™s got short hair, neon green in color with a dark fade underneath and tattoos all over his face. But those eyes. They were freakishingly red, and it made him uneasy. He knows the type. The type of boxers that do this to genuinely hurt people for thrill. Make no mistake, Gojo understands heā€™s made himself out to be like that too, gaining some kind of rush out of this profession, but this type of fighter was different. The type to literally continue smashing a dudeā€™s face into the floor until theyā€™re a bloody mess even minutes after the winning call, and no referee to stop it because thatā€™s the kind of action the spectators wanted.
Danny reads his line of sight. ā€œThatā€™s Gale. Newtonā€™s new boxing toy. Came outta nowhere about a month ago. Heā€™s undefeated so far in his district, and Newton specifically wanted to see you up against him tonight,ā€ Danny tells Gojo, resting his elbow up on his bare shoulder. ā€œChances are heā€™ll compete with Tarp for final bid if you win this one. Iā€™m talking twenty-five grand in the next if you can knock him out in this.ā€
ā€œUh-huh,ā€ Gojo acknowledges, rolling his shoulder so Dannyā€™s elbow falls from it. Forget the money, he just wants to make it out of this alive.
He sets his foot up on the square, ducking through the dividing boundary straps and the tacky caution construction tape that the gym thinks creates an exciting ambience. He hears the static of the speakers as the announcers call out Gojoā€™s name, then this other guy, loud bass club music booming through Gojoā€™s chest as he tries to take a few deep breaths through the thick air of this low-ceiling arena.Ā 
The dim overhead lights flickered, casting shadows over the makeshift ring, and the crowd pressed tight around at every perimeter area, yelling and pushing, one even tosses a beer bottle on the square and it shatters, spreading glass all across, a few shards reaching Gojoā€™s feet and he looks down at them with a shudder. A fight immediately breaks out in the crowd over something related or possibly entirely unrelated, and heā€™d have no way of knowing as he swipes the shards away with his heel.
The influential men always sat up on higher seating, off towards the back in their own VIP section where they suck in the smoke of fat cigarettes and peer through 100% tinted sunglasses to assess the boxers theyā€™ve bid thousands on. The light reflects off the golden grills of their teeth with every snarl at any passerby that gets too close, like a lion in its den. Thatā€™s what the sanction was called. Lionā€™s den.
Gojo sighed, eyeing the twisted grin of this Gale guy across from him. Was that his real name? Usually, foreign district guys get nicknames. Gojoā€™s always thought the nicknames were tacky, and heā€™s accumulated some of his own over the years, but to his ears, none of them ever really landed, although The White Fox admittedly was kinda nice. Reminded him of throwback shooting games.Ā 
He sucked a breath in through his teeth, holding his hands up in front of his chest in weak fists, storing energy in them in the form of pure anticipation alone, and then the bell rang.
His opponent lunged towards him immediately, fists flying in a barrage of reckless strikes, and Gojoā€™s eyes momentarily widened in the briefest moments of hesitation he had been allowed before ducking and dodging every one of this guy's shots, then jumping a step back to create distance.
Fuck. He was fast. Not just boxer fast, athlete fast. There was a difference. And it wasnā€™t a good one to be up against.
Gojo picked up light on his feet. He couldnā€™t win this one fast, that much was certain. One single careless or reckless move, and heā€™ll get tackled. He knows that by the malicious look he sees on that guyā€™s face, grin wide like heā€™s some cannibalistic beast.Ā 
Stepping back towards the center, Gojo purposefully set himself up for Gale to swipe a vicious hook towards his head, before Gojo last minute ducked down, crouched to the floor, and swung his leg out to knock the guy off balance by his ankles, and he falls onto his back with a loud thud!
Thereā€™s a moment of momentary silence from the crowd, right before Gojo put the man in a torso-lock, twisting him in a way a human body should absolutely not be twisted, hearing the grunts of pain and the crack of spine even through the shouts of the crowd.
He can hear it. Kill him! Knock his fucking teeth out! Snap his neck like a goose, man! FIN-ISH HIM! FIN-ISH HIM! FIN-ISH HIM!
He feels like throwing up.Ā 
Gojo looks up at the referee, who wasnā€™t really a referee, just there to run the clock when there was action and only barely stop it before near death. ā€œThis is enough, right?ā€ he asks.
The referee nods. ā€œ1-0, next round.ā€
Gojo lets go of his opponent, leaving him there to heave for a moment before he gets up onto his feet again. Just needs one more, and heā€™s a winner. Ten grand in his pocket, and he wonā€™t have to come back here for a couple weeks.
Gale gets up, swiping at the spit that had trickled out the corner of his mouth down to his chin, and he had an enraged look on his face. The second the bell rang for the second round, he exploded forward towards Gojo with even more fervor than before, gritted expression with a thirst for violence fueling the storm of punches he was throwing towards Gojo but he tried to remain calm, light on his feet, swiftly duck and avoid before he can find another opportunity to clear a sharp, clean jab right to the ribsā€”
sometimes, i think of when you kissed me
Gojo misses his strike, leaving his guard wide open, and Gale takes the opportunity to land a solid punch straight to his jaw, sending his mouth guard flying straight out of his mouth into the air, and knocking him backwards onto the ground with a thud and then he finds himself staring up at the rusting metal ceiling and a ringing in his ears that almost matches the roar of the crowd.
His head is in a haze, dizzy like where one second could feel like a millennia. He feels a soreness underneath his chin, a pain that radiates to his mouth, and he briefly swipes his tongue over his front teeth to make sure he still has all of them.Ā 
What the fuck was that? That intrusive thought. Thereā€™s no intrusive thoughts allowed in life or death situations, not when he was always just one smash to the head away from a permanent concussion. But, fuck, he canā€™t help it. Canā€™t help thinking of you. Even when his vision has gone blurry and he should really be weary about what happens next in this ring, his mindā€™s just thinking about you, at some frat party, tipping back shots of tequila and waiting for a text-back in response to your tipsy ones. Were you even waiting up on him? Have you already passed out on the couch, or were your friends dragging you back to your dorm? Or are you fucking some other dude right now? Has he got his hand up your top, squeezing at you, sleazily feeling you up before spilling beer all down your shirt, and are you kissing him back with the same enthusiasm, your phone now somewhere long slipped between the cushions of the couch and out of sight?
Even though itā€™s still sore, he tenses his jaw. Grinds his teeth, even. Tasting blood somewhere along the line of his gums, he realizes his lip is split. He licks at it, the flavor of copper more rich on his tongue, and he clenches his fists tightly. Whyā€™s he thinking of that right now? It just pisses him off, the thought of you with some other dude. Maybe thatā€™s what he needs to win this fight. Spite. Although heā€™s not sure why the guy across from him at the ring has to pay for it.
He lifts his head up off the ground, and while it felt like years he had been down, a glance at the timer tells him itā€™s only been a solid four seconds. A solid four seconds that his opponent had to fully charge a lunge towards him with the look of death in his face, raising his elbow up into the air in time with his leap, ready to come straight down, and Gojoā€™s eyes widen at the sight above him from where heā€™s still lying on the wood.
ā€œShitā€”ā€ he cusses, rolling his body over to the side so that the dude falls straight down onto the floor rather than elbow Gojo in the fucking ribs, and then he gets back up on his feet.Ā 
Stakes were high, he has to end this, he has to end this now, and he flexes the muscle in his right bicep, channeling everything he has into this one blow, and before Gale even really has a chance to turn around and face him again, Gojoā€™s already three-fourths set up a knockout undercut that he drives straight up the guyā€™s chin, with so much force it has him lifting up off the floor, a vertebrate stretch to his spine before heā€™s sent flying backwards and slammed against the tight rubber lining of the ring to where he was half hanging over it.
The room fell silent for a split second, then erupted in a roar as the referee fell to one knee beside Gale, checking him for any semblance of consciousness, and when he found none, he waves the match off.Ā 
Gojoā€™s eyes flit up towards the lionā€™s den, the only opinions that he really needed to care about were sitting in those mahogany chairs with glasses of scotch swirling around in their hands, and he sees some of them looking straight at Gojo before leaning towards one another and discretely talking about something he canā€™t make out because he doesnā€™t know how to read lips.
He feels someone tug at his arms from behind, pulling him to crouch down and he balances back on the balls of his feet. He glances down through the ring at the floor. Danny was leaning against the wooden surface of it. ā€œDude. Go.ā€ He jerks his head towards Gale, who still laid there sprawled across the now stretched out rubber perimeter bands. ā€œGo fuck him up. Knock a few more teeth out, I donā€™t know, get some more blood out of him.ā€
ā€œWhat?ā€ Gojo huffs, yanking his arm away from Dannyā€™s grip. ā€œThe fuck are you saying?ā€
ā€œI told you, man, Newtonā€™s here and heā€™s got his eye on you. Go give him a show,ā€ Danny says, ā€œdo it.ā€ And when he sees clear frustration on Gojoā€™s face he sighs. ā€œTwenty-five grand, consider that, will you?ā€
Gojo sneers at the man, an awful taste in his mouth as he spits blood towards Dannyā€™s feet. ā€œGo fuck yourself on his cock if he wants a show that bad.ā€ And then he ducks underneath the bands and hops back down onto the floor, pushing past people who were trying to grab at him and pull at him and lift him up and even throw him down until he made it through flashing hallways and back to the locker room.
He shuts the door behind him, sliding the bolt lock into the frame so no one can follow him inside, and then he leans his weight back against the chilling steel before tipping his head back until it hits the surface too.
He lets out of a few deep breaths, then stares down at the sting he finds over his knuckles. Red and blistering from the last punch he delivered, and heā€™s almost certain he broke a bone in his hand. Fuck. It was bleeding across the cuts, too. He had to figure out a way to get it all healed by tomorrow, as if that was humanly possible, just because he doesnā€™t want Yuuji questioning him about it.
Yuuji. For fucks sake, when has he ever thought about the kid this much? When has he ever thought about much of anything when heā€™s out here or in the ring? Heā€™s a babysitter by day. Heā€™s a ā€œpartā€ of your family when the sun is up and normal functioning society is breathing their lives into the clean air. Thatā€™s it. Heā€™s no five-year-oldā€™s caretaker in front of all these primetime drug lords, and he certainly shouldnā€™t be thinking of you when facing big, burly men heā€™s aiming to rough up, all within the dead hours of night. So then how come these thoughts are on his mind at all times, twenty-four-seven, around the clock?
He heads further into the locker room, glancing down at the bench where heā€™d left his phone, then picks it up, neck craned all the way down to glance at the screen as he holds his phone by his hip because he doesnā€™t have any energy to pick it up any further towards his eyesight.Ā 
He sees your messages. You never sent any follow-up ones, just your horrendously typed out sonetimes, i thikn of when u kisse me *kissed me across the span of four texts, and Gojo runs a tired hand down his face.
He tips his head back to groan at the ceiling, guttural with no basis other than a release of all the pent up frustration of every sort, then he types in a couple messages to you,
3:23am Gojo Satoru: Thatā€™s nice 3:24am Gojo Satoru: I think about fucking you all the timeĀ 
ā€”and then tosses his phone into his duffel bag to call it a night.
ā«˜ā«˜ā«˜ā«˜ā«˜ā«˜ā«˜ā«˜ā«˜ā«˜
Youā€™re awoken to your alarm blaring heavily, and you whack your arm across your nightstand table beside your tiny twin-size bed to hit the snooze button, then rub your eye with a loose fist while smacking at the residual taste of alcohol you have on your tongue.Ā 
ā€œMmā€¦ā€ you mumble to yourself. And then the thirst hits you. The overwhelming, intense, unquenchable thirst that leaves your mouth feeling like the Sahara desert before you grab your twice-dented Hydroflask from the nightstand, twist the cap off and chug about twenty ounces of water in one breath.Ā 
You let out a deep exhale and fall back into bed, your hand resting on top of your water-filled tummy, and you stare up at the ceiling of your dorm.Ā 
Last night was horrible. You knew you shouldnā€™t have gone to that frat party, especially given you have an exam inā€”you checked the time on your phoneā€”about an hour, and an hour was not enough time to recover from the raging hangover headache thatā€™s pounding through your head. But your roommates insisted you went, and so go you did. You never knew what to expect, always torn between shaving your pussy before you go or throwing on a stained pair of sweatpants to keep the guys away instead. Sometimes, it was a combination of both. But last night, you ended up drinking more than you usually do, and that always led to poor, poor, poor decisions, in which all the sense of pride you had in yourself was washed down with the puke that you hurled into the upstairs toilet.Ā 
You grab at your phone again, briefly seeing that your friends had sent you some photos from the night. You immediately swiped off to the side to dismiss the notifications, because as far as you were concerned, you never wanted to see those photos in your life.
And then, in the briefest of moments, you saw a familiar name in your notifications that made you heart skip a beat.
Gojo Satoru (yuujiā€™s babysitter)
With an immediate gasp, you pulled your phone to your chest and held it there, blinking up at the pale yellow ceiling, your heart picking up in rhythm.
Oh fuck.
That was right.
You drunk texted him last night.
You drunk texted your little brotherā€™s hot babysitter.
Fuck.
Mortified was an understatement, possibly because you donā€™t even remember what you said, and so you donā€™t even want to see what he replied with.
You groan, rubbing both your hands across your face then kick your sheets back with your feet like a child having a temper tantrum because you were so embarrassed you had even texted him at all last night. I mean, he was hot. A little older than you, really gorgeous eyes, tall, and, yeah, you gave him shit for the Instagram muscles thing, but thatā€™s only because you thought heā€™d find it cheeky that you were trying to humble him despite the fact that heā€™s more toned and ruggedly sculpted than any other man youā€™ve ever met. You didnā€™t want to have a flustered schoolgirl attitude because it would just seep through to his ego.
In any case, he was hot, there was no denying it, so can you really blame yourself? But still. There was collateral with this. You had to see him every other weekend. He knows your family, even your extended since they invited him to Thanksgiving dinner a couple weeks ago. A high-risque drunk text recipient if he ever was one (of course he has been, look at that face). Why couldnā€™t you have just drunk texted ECON160 guy from last semester who Clit DJā€™d you underneath your desk at the back of the lecture hall instead?
The thing that made you nervous about Gojo Satoru was that he was just soā€¦confident? Like, in that I was raised to be this way confident and not that I fought inner demons my whole life to barely end up this way confident, yā€™know? Never had to fake it ā€˜til he made it, he just was. At least that was the kind of energy you got from him, and unfortunately for you, it was nerve wracking but enticing all at the same time.
You sigh. ā€œStupid. Stupid. Stuuuuuupiiiiidddddddddddd. You. Are. So. Stuuuuuupiiiiddddddd,ā€ you sigh, running your hands through your hair to grip at the strands.
You pull your phone away from your chest, and finally brave yourself to read the texts from your notifications screen, but not without blurring your vision a little to further stall. And then you finally refocus it to read them. The first one you see has you gaspingā€”
3:24am Gojo Satoru (yuujiā€™s babysitter): I think about fucking you all the timeĀ 
It has heat spreading across your cheeks, and you blink at your screen, then quickly swipe up to read the previous messages with rushed glides of your index finger on the screen to see that he had sent it to you in response to your barely coherent texts about how you still so often think about that time he randomly pressed you up against the door of your bedroom to kiss you that night you first met him.
I think about fucking you all the time
At 3 in the morning? He decided to send that text at 3 in the fucking morning? That was the devilā€™s hour. Whatā€™s he trying to tell you?Ā 
Oh come on, youā€™re not stupid. And you know he isnā€™t either. The sexual tension was palpable, it was there since the day you two met and you almost stabbed him, and also everytime you were visiting the house, and his shoulder brushes against yours when heā€™s trying to get past you in the kitchen, or when youā€™ve got Yuuji in your arms and the kid is clinging to Gojoā€™s sleeve because he wants him near him at all times. Thereā€™s even sexual tension over the phone, in those stupid texts he sends you all the time about meaningless child care stuff, and honestly, those little updates made your day.
Butā€¦ you donā€™t know much about him, and your mom would kill you if she ever found out you wanted him. And sheā€™d probably pulverize him if she found out he ever made a move on you. Cremated without leaving a trace behind would be an understatement. She thinks heā€™s no good and she thinks youā€™re too good. You know sheā€™s warned him before to not get close to you, as if she was pre-emptively expecting him to try to get in your pants like it was some canon force of the universe, hence why heā€™s probably so fucking awkward around you whenever sheā€™s there too. Like if he accidentally got caught staring at your ankles, your mom would light him on fire, so heā€™d rather not risk it by just avoiding looking at you at all.
Your mom has always been protective of you. Your father was a deadbeat, one she thought she loved, only to watch him leave. And she had to raise a baby all by herself. He re-entered your lives right before you graduated high school, knocked up your mom again with Yuuji, and guess what? Left again without a trace. To be doubly humiliated by a man is a fate you wouldnā€™t wish on any woman, but thatā€™s exactly what your mom went through. It was a wake-up call for her, though. No more living paycheck to paycheck like you had been your whole lives up until Yuuji was born. The kid doesnā€™t even know how lucky he is with everything he has right now. Your mom worked her way up the corporate ladder and made something of herself and now you guys were comfortable, so it was safe to say she had some sort of right to look after her daughter, of whom she simply doesnā€™t want to follow in the same naive footsteps of her youth.
You get it. She wants to break the generational cycle. But it made being with men tough on all fronts, let alone dating. You could never bring a guy home because heā€™d never be enough, even if he cured cancer or could make you orgasm while doing a sixty-nine handstand. And while her overbearing paranoia over what you do or where you are or who youā€™re with has since dimmed slightly since you officially moved out to finish your last year of higher education at NYU, you can still feel her disappointment from a hundred miles away when youā€™re making out with some random frat guy on his beer-stained couch at eleven AM on a Tuesday.
But you got to college. Youā€™ve already made it this far. Youā€™re on deanā€™s list. You graduated high school as salutatorian. Youā€™re the most highly decorated cello player in the state. You won Miss County pageant when you were sixteen for your philanthropic efforts towards feline leukemia. You did online community college for three years so you could stick back after high school and help your mom raise Yuuji, which meant that you had to forfeit your scholarship to Cornell. Youā€™ve spent your whole life being good, you just wanna be bad for a little bit.
And if bad meant fucking the hot and mysterious babysitter, then so be it.Ā 
You pick your phone up, begin blasting what the hell by Avril Lavigne on your dorm room bluetooth speaker, then type a message to him that saysā€”
10:34am you: do it then
ā€”then shove your phone under the sheets and belt out the lyrics aaaall my life iā€™ve been good, but now, ahhhh iā€™m thinkinā€™ what the hell!!! while kicking your feet and clutching your pillow.
ā«˜ā«˜ā«˜ā«˜ā«˜ā«˜ā«˜ā«˜ā«˜ā«˜
Gojo has no clue what divine entity has overcast their gratuitous spirit over him on this blessed Monday afternoon, but heā€™ll thank them for it later once his balls are empty.Ā 
Heā€™s got you on your back, sprawled across the couch in the living room, the first fuck being a rushed one that you offered him with before he has to go pick Yuuji up from circle time at preschool, which wasnā€™t ideal, but heā€™s delirious at the sight of you underneath him right now. Your little NYU shirt, a tighter one this time, bunched up over your bare breasts, otherwise entirely naked other than the flimsy panties dangling at your ankle, and the view of the tip of his cock looking hot and heavy against the velvet of your cunt, slowly pushing in, feeling the warmth of your walls squeeze around him paired with the sweet moan that leaves your lips, makes him fall forward with a bracing hand dug into the cushion by the side of your head because the sensation feels so fucking good he can hardly keep himself upright.
ā€œFuck, youā€™re so tight,ā€ he grunts, pushing himself in further to try and bottom out but heā€™s still got a couple inches he needs you to take, and so you curl your hips upwards towards the cieling to make more room for him, practically putting yourself into a mating press and soon enough heā€™s balls deep, ā€œyou on any birth control?ā€
ā€œUh-huh,ā€ you moan, eyes closed and head tipped back with one hand squeezing your own tit.
ā€œI can cum inside then, yeah?ā€ he asks you, pushing your knees to your chest, slowly drawing his hips back and you squirm underneath him.
ā€œLetā€™s get there first, and then weā€™ll discuss,ā€ you breathe out.
ā€œIā€™ve been there for the past ten minutes, baby. I could cum at any second with the way you look and feel,ā€ he informs you flatly, because it was just the truth and you had to know it, then he feels himself twitch inside, slowly working up to a languid rhythm, almost fearfully like your momā€™s going to pop out somewhere around the corner with a camera crew ready like one of those retro TV shows just to humiliate him on national television for not keeping it in his pants like sheā€™d told him to.Ā 
ā€œHarder,ā€ he hears you whisper, and he rolls his eyes shut to just focus on the feeling. The feeling of your nails grazing down the skin of his chest and his abs, tracing the scars heā€™s collected over the years, and he feels you tightening around him. He leans down to kiss you, fucking you properly now with the squeak of the couch springs echoing across the room, your hums of moans seeping through his lips until heā€™s fully taking them on with an open-mouthed kiss of sloppy tongue.Ā 
The fact that it was wrong felt right to him, and he realizes in this moment heā€™s lost all sense of control. He wasnā€™t just an adrenaline junkie that liked to rough up dudes, he was an adrenaline junkie that wanted to fuck you against all better judgement or moral compass. The way your tits were bouncing, the slap of skin on skin, his balls slapping against your ass while you wrap your legs around him tighter, all convincing him that any consequence made it worth it.
ā€œGood,ā€ he groans the praise, pinning your hands above your head as he rams his hips against yours, your cute moans and squeals sounding like literal music to his ears and he feels heat spread all the way up his neck, ā€œgoooood, keep squeezinā€™ me like that, fuck.ā€ He slows down momentarily, just to take a moment and watch, really look and see the way his length disappears inside of your pretty self with every push forward, and then he works back up to a relentless pace that has you tipping your head back with a slack jaw and eyes closed tightly shut, sprained expression of pleasure spread across.
ā€œOh, oh my god, Satoruā€”ā€ you mewled and he felt dizzy from the sound of his name from your softly parted lips.
ā€œFuck, Iā€™m gonnaā€”ā€ His hand finds itā€™s way between your legs, calloused pads of his fingers brushing against your clit and you jolt underneath him, gasping as your hand shoots out to dig your nails into his bicep for purchase. ā€œIā€™m gonna cum, better tell me where you want it.ā€
ā€œIn me,ā€ you moan, ā€œnowhere else.ā€
He presses his mouth against your cheek in a lazy smile, ā€œAtta girl,ā€ he drawls before pushing your ankles down as far as theyā€™d go near your ears, folding you in half and then reigns all hell into your cunt. He should really care a bit more about your pleasure, but testing your flexibility like this with both his hands holding you down was doing sinful things to his brain, and besides, you had yourself covered with the messy circles you were rubbing over your clit. It was hot to see that too, your nimble pretty fingers so close to the place where he was pounding into you.Ā 
ā€œOh shit, shit, shitā€”ā€ he grunts when starts to see blistering white in his vision, balls straining with a pleasure that was almost painful. The moment he finishes feels like hot flashes in his brain, a heat like the cum he begins to paint inside your walls in time with your release, thrusting over and over and over, each one more staggered as he lets off a long, drawn out groan that comes from deep within his chest with the feeling of you milking him dry and the sound of you enjoying every second of it. He canā€™t remember the last time he came this much or this hard and even after coming down from the high, he feels the remnant pulse of your orgasm around his now half-flaccid dick.
He leisurely pulls out, hearing you let out a soft whimper as he marvels at the sight of his cum slowly dripping out of you and down towards the couch, before he scoops it up with a couple fingers and pushes it back inside. You grip his wrist tightly, but you werenā€™t stopping it, that motion of him plunging it all back into you.
ā€œWant a taste?ā€ he asks, casually.
ā€œMhm,ā€ you nod, face looking flush.
He pulls his fingers out of you, coated with sex, then plugs your pussy with the fingers of his other hand because he kinda likes the idea of you walking around all day with him inside of you, so he doesnā€™t want it getting out. Heā€™s then pushing his other fingers past your lips, pleased to find heā€™s met with not even so much as a grazing of teeth, and he grins, ā€œbet you take a dick in your mouth as good as you take it down here.ā€
Your furrow your brows at him, the pout of your lips seen in the way they were puckered to lick his fingers off clean, and when you release the suction with a smack of your tongue and his fingers were wet from your saliva now, his eyes narrow with desire. You push his face away with the heel of your palm to his forehead. ā€œFlattery wonā€™t make me suck your dick.ā€
ā€œAlright. So? How is it?ā€ he jerks his chin towards your face, pushing against your hand with his forehead until heā€™s hovering over you again, ā€œtaste good?ā€
ā€œItā€™s cum, Satoru.ā€
He shrugs. ā€œBad?ā€
ā€œNo,ā€ you say, and you canā€™t make eye contact, ā€œgood.ā€ You sigh. ā€œHot. I donā€™t know. Salty, sweet. Iā€™m the sweet. Youā€™re the salty. And this conversation is obscene.ā€
He kisses you, capturing your lips softly, tongue darting out to taste whatā€™s on yours. ā€œI like it that way. Dirty. Nasty. Obscene, whatever.ā€
Thereā€™s the slam of a car door heard from the driveway, and the two of you instantly make eye contact with round eyes.
ā€œSaā€”ā€ you stutter, ā€œSatoru.ā€
He gets up off the couch in a panic, and heads to the window of the living room fully butt-ass naked, then peers through the blinds to seeā€”
Your mom was making it up towards the front door, rustling with her keys in her purse. And the last thing he sees before he turns around to face you is her pushing the keys through the lock.
ā€œShit, shit, shit, shit, shit, shit, shit,ā€ he cusses, finding his boxers off of the floor, hopping on one foot with his cum & slick coated dick flapping around and slapping against his thighs unceremoniously as he tries to get one leg in through them and then the other. Youā€™re trembling as you hook your panties back into place, pull your shirt back down your torso, and even in his extremely panicked state, heā€™s still sad he canā€™t freely stare at your tits anymore. Youā€™re rummaging for your skirt in a haste, looking everywhere for it, and he finds it underneath the coffee table before tossing it to you and then he side-to-side hops towards the coat closet while he pulls his sweatpants up over his ass, in time for you to quickly run and shut the door of the closet closed just before the front door of the house swings open.
The inside of the coat closet is dark, barely enough space in there for a six-foot-four two-hundred-and-twenty pound man, but itā€™s better than being balls deep inside his bossā€™s daughter on the couch when said boss just came home from work.
He hears conversation on the other side of the door, albeit muffled, and he presses his ear to it to hear better while he tucks his dick into his boxers from where it was hanging over the waistline.
ā€œMom! Youā€¦youā€™re home so early,ā€ he hears you squeak out.
ā€œYes,ā€ your mom says, ā€œThe rest of my meetings today are online, so I figured Iā€™d come home when thereā€™s less traffic.ā€
Gojo feels you lean against the coat closet door.
ā€œI see, I see, how was your day at work?ā€ you ask with a tremble in your voice.
ā€œFine.ā€ And then nothing. The silence could mean that was all she had to say, since your mom wasnā€™t really a woman of many words, or it could be a silence that means sheā€™s suspicious about something. ā€œDarling, why is your skirt flipped up and tucked into your panties? Your whole butt is showing.ā€
Through the wood of the door, he hears you softly gasp. ā€œOh, um, I just went to pee. Mustā€™veā€”ā€¦mustā€™ve got caught when I pulled it back up.ā€Ā 
ā€œI see,ā€ your mother says, and Gojo can hear her dropping her heels down near the shoe rack at the entrance. ā€œYou know, I really donā€™t like those short skirts you wear often. Maybe itā€™s just your generation, but I think it looks tacky and cheap.ā€
ā€œMom,ā€ you say, in as stern of a voice as you can manage without sounding embarrassed.
Your mother sighs. ā€œIn any case, where is Satoru? I still would like him to go pick up Yuuji. I donā€™t have the patience to sit in preschool & daycare traffic right now.ā€
ā€œOh gosh, I donā€™t know,ā€ you chirp, and then he hears you let out a small oh no before you lean even more weight against the door, this time somewhere lower, and he realizes youā€™re pressing your ass against it. His eyes narrow with a small frown, and then he realizesā€” his cum must still be trickling down your thighs. You couldnā€™t put your panties on fast enough.Ā 
Shit. Thatā€™s hot. A little fucked up, but hot. He feels his dick harden against the fabric of his boxers, and he rests his forehead against the door, fringe stuck to his forehead with sweat as he slips his hands down his sweatpants and then gives his cock a firm squeeze. The thought of you discretely swiping his cum up your inner thigh and smearing it against your thin panties so your mom doesnā€™t catch sight of it dripping down your legs has him slowly working up to a rock-solid erection, and he almost lets out a broken grunt from the feeling.
ā€œWhat?ā€ your mother says, ā€œwhat do you mean you donā€™t know?ā€
ā€œIā€™ve just been watching TV this whole time,ā€ you say, ā€œlast time I saw himā€¦he wasā€¦um, in the backyard pulling weeds?ā€
He lets out a small scoff through his nose at your cover-up. Cute. And not bad.Ā 
Your mother sighs loudly, and he glances down at the strained veins on his dick as he tugs it through his hand, the tip rearing and appearing flushed and dripping with precum. God, you were just on the other side of this door. Less than a few inches away, and heā€™d be inside of you.Ā 
ā€œIā€™m going to take a shower. Go find him and tell him to pick up Yuuji soon. But before then, change into something less revealing,ā€ your mother says in a more or less detached tone, and he can hear the stomps of her footsteps up the stairs from above him in the coat closet.
The two of you wait at least a solid minute, and just when the coast is clear, he hears you turn the knob of the coat closet and slowly crack it open.
ā€œOkay, I think sheā€™s in the shower, I hear the water running,ā€ you whisper at him, ā€œyou can go nowā€”ā€ You glance down towards his groin, your jaw dropping. ā€œWhatā€”ā€¦Satoru, why the fuck is your dick staring at me right now?!ā€ you whisper-hiss at him.
He pulls you into the coat closet, pushing your front against the door to where it clicks shut, and you gasp when his hands pin your wrists crossed behind your back and his dick presses into the plush of your ass.
ā€œYou talkinā€™ to your mom while your pussyā€™s stuffed full of my cum was the single hottest thing thatā€™s ever grazed my lizard brain,ā€ he tells you, flipping your skirt up and hooking your panties to the side, his index finger briefly brushing against your entrance to find it still leaking from the way your walls were pulsating from his words. And then he aligns his tip to your entrance. ā€œNow keep quiet while I do this, ā€˜kay?ā€
ā€œOhā€”ā€ you gasp, your cheek pressed against the door as you arch your back and push your ass out for him, ā€œokayā€”ā€ you say, barely vocalizing the first syllable before heā€™s already stuffing himself inside of you with one solid glide of a push, making you yelp loudly and he has to instantly cup a hand over your mouth.
ā€œShhhhhh,ā€ he hisses at you, immediately starting to pound you from behind, ā€œtold you toā€” fuuuck,ā€ he catches sight of his length covered with a mix of your glassy arousal and his white cum, now starting to cream at the base of his cock, ā€œjesus christā€”ā€ he breathes out, squeezing the flesh of your ass harshly with his other hand and you let out another yelp, ā€œI told you to fuckinā€™ keep quiet.ā€
ā€œIā€™mā€”mff,ā€ you muffle against his palm, ā€œIā€™m trying but,ā€ your hips move back in time with his, ā€œfeels good, feels too good,ā€ you mewl, and his hand desperately yanks up the fabric of your shirt so he can squeeze at your breast.
ā€œYeah?ā€ he grunts, hypocritical for telling you to keep it down when he was slamming his hips against your ass with so much fervor he wouldnā€™t be surprised if the sound was reverberating across the entire house, ā€œyou like it when I fuck you while your momā€™s all clueless just up the stairs?ā€ His rhythm falters, feeling his release building, and his hand reaches in front of you to rub your clit, making you drop your head against the door with tightly closed eyes. ā€œGetsā€” youā€”wet, doesnā€™t it?ā€ he torments you, his lips near your ear as he slams his hips against you harshly with every enunciated syllable.Ā 
ā€œMhm, mhm,ā€ you easily agree, or maybe thatā€™s because itā€™s all you can really articulate, and he angles his hips up so his balls slap more fervently against your clit, making you scream into his palm while he picks up the pace of the circles he draws on your clit and in one, two, threeā€” beats of his pounding heart, he feels you come undone around his cock, gushing wetness leaking out of you, he can feel the mess of fluids splattering on the skin of his thighs due to each of his heaving thrusts as he cusses out a fuuuuuuckkk before spilling his cum inside of you, a short-lived and thicker release this time that has you mewling from overstimulation, and in a few following thrusts, heā€™s given you everything he had to give.
His eyes open, he wasnā€™t even aware he had shut them in the first place, and he glances down at where the two of you were joined. Rings of arousal coat the length of his half-pulled-out dick, and the second he retreats all of it, a bulging push of his cum seeps out of you, dripping and pooling all over the hardwood floors.
ā€œHoly shit, I wish I could take a picture of this,ā€ he says, taking a step away to commit the sight to memory, your legs trembling and still slightly spread, ass pushed out and when you wiggle it a little, he lets out a huff of an exhale because he just canā€™t believe how sexy you are. Are all college girls like this? Heā€™s never been to college, his old manā€™s been trying to get him to go for years, but maybe this is what finally convinces him.
ā€œNo pics,ā€ you breathe out once you catch your breath, standing up straight slowly, ā€œthatā€™s my one sex rule.ā€
He takes a step closer to you, flipping your skirt back over your ass while you shimmy your shirt down to cover your chest. ā€œThatā€™s the only rule you have? Anything else goes?ā€ he asks.
You spin around to face him, his eyes briefly flitting down to the still exposed skin of your midriff. ā€œI have a feeling Iā€™d be making up more specific rules if it was with you.ā€
He smiles, his hands grabbing your hips before pressing you up against the door again. ā€œI also had a rule. It was to not fuck you. Wait, no, to not flirt with you. Which, technically, I didnā€™t do.ā€
You blink your eyes at him. ā€œYouā€™re kidding, right?ā€
ā€œWhat?ā€ he asks, genuinely confused, ā€œI didnā€™t.ā€
ā€œHuhā€”ā€ you scoff, ā€œhow do you think we got into this situation in the first place?? You didnā€™t just say wanna fuck? You were insufferably flirty with me.ā€
ā€œNahhh nah nah nah nah, baby, thatā€™s not flirting,ā€ he tells you, thumb running circles over your hips, ā€œthatā€™s, likeā€”ā€¦I donā€™t even fuckinā€™ know how it worked on you to be honest, I was just being stupid.ā€
ā€œOh okay so Iā€™m stupid.ā€
ā€œI never said you were stupid?ā€
ā€œWell you said you were being stupid so me falling for it must mean Iā€™m stupid.ā€
ā€œPshhh. Youā€™re cute. Pulling weeds, by the way? Adorable.ā€
Your hand slowly roams up the front of his shirt, the fabric bunching at your wrists until you uncovered up to his collar bone, and you stare at his skin. He tries to not let the way his heartā€™s beating faster show through the heave of his chest.Ā 
ā€œWhy do you have all these scars, anyway?ā€ you whisper to him.Ā Ā Ā 
ā€œToo many girls tryna stab me,ā€ he tells you.
You roll your eyes. ā€œSeriously.ā€ Your thumb traces the one you had left on him.Ā 
ā€œIā€”ā€ He stops himself.
Does he tell you? Should he tell you? What, just because heā€™s seen you naked and you took his dick like a queen heā€™s supposed to open up to you about these things now? He doesnā€™t know. Maybe he could? Maybe you already suspect what he does at night. And if not, at the very least, Iā€™m an underground boxer might make you think heā€™s hot? At the very worst, youā€™ll report him to the cops and heā€™d get fired as your little brotherā€™s babysitter then thrown into jail, but not before the busted cartel gets him first.
ā€œMaybe Iā€™ll tell you some other time,ā€ he says, his hand wrapping around your wrist and pulling it from his chest, ā€œno hyper personal details until youā€™ve had my dick in your mouth at least once or twice. Thatā€™s my one rule.ā€
You snort. ā€œI couldā€™ve guessed that rule from a mile away.ā€
He hums. And then thereā€™s the sound of steps creaking down the stairs above the two of you.
You both make eye contact, eyes widening, internally yelling at each other: how the fuck did we get into this situation twice?!
This time, Gojo opens the door and stumbles out of the closet, leaving you inside of it, just in time for your mom to come down the stairs.
ā€œSatoru. I was looking for you,ā€ she says as she rounds the post. ā€œHave you picked up Yuuji? He has to go for his swimming lessons soon.ā€
ā€œAh, nope, was just about to head out,ā€ he says, letting out a cough to diffuse tension, ā€œsorry, I wasā€”ā€ he points his thumb over his shoulder to behind him, ā€œā€¦pulling out some gnarly weeds.ā€
She narrows her eyes at him. ā€œI see. Well, thanks. If you want, I can add a gardening stipend to your paycheck. Let me know.ā€ And heā€™s not sure how to respond because heā€™s not sure if sheā€™s joking.Ā 
He heads out the door, the keys to your momā€™s minivan in his palm as he throws them up into the air and catches them a couple times. And just before he gets inside the car, he turns on his heel to face the house and pulls his phone out of his pocket to type in a message for you.
3:22pm Gojo Satoru: Send over those me-specific sex rules soon
.
.
.
[the end]
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a/n. hope u enjoyed im shitting bricks posting this bc i haven't posted a oneshot smut since february but thanks so much for reading i appreciate u!! i got way too invested in the whole underground boxer thing šŸ˜‚šŸ˜‚ but the fact i managed to keep everything under 12k is an accomplishment to me bc if u read my other fics you know iā€™m a yapper LOL i have another kind of a similarly written smut oneshot n itā€™s a lil angsty (totally different au tho) iā€™ll probs post that one next but yea i really like, hmm, i really like exploring entire characters within a short amount of time i enjoy writing the obscure lore drops xd itā€™s been kinda fun so far anywho much loveee hope to see u around! <3
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theladygazingatemptiness Ā· 1 year ago
Text
not to be dramatic but. for the last couple of months I've been feeling like my body isn't truly mine
#wak#vent/#like#I'm not going to go as far as to say I have DID bc I'm p sure that's not what this is#or at least if I do have it I'm going to hear that from a professional first#but there's. so many conflicting thoughts#so many conflicting ways to carrying myself#and it's something a more complicated than A Normal Array Of Human Emotions#sometimes I'm a pacifist who wants to choose forgiveness#other times I have a thirst for violence and revenge and want everyone who wronged me to suffer dearly#sometimes I'm someone who values the lives of all humans and would never wish death or ill on anyone#other times I see certain people and think 'please do the world a favor and die' or 'you all need to be lined up and shot' or w/e#sometimes I'm an ignorant innocent child who wants to talk/blog about things I enjoy and who's terrified of discourse of any kind#other times I'm an outspoken political science major who obsesses over discourse who'll proudly drop controversial takes constantly#and w the above it's like.. whenever the latter posts anything#the former just sits there horrified of what people might say. of confrontation#the saying goes 'if you can't take the heat stay out of the kitchen'#but the issue is. one side of you loves being in the kitchen and insists on dragging you with them even though you hate being in there#like. if I were to ever get into hot water bc of my posts that I chose to put up and have a meltdown bc of it#it's going to be treated as cowardice and me dishing things out that I can't take. which maybe it is#but even while knowing this. I Just Can't Stop. I Keep Doing The Thing That May Attract Something I'm Terrified Of#often I wish that I could have maintained that Kind Innocent Side Of Me but Ik it's far too late to undo anything or go back to that#but basically.. it feels like I don't have complete control of my own body or complete free will#and like I'm at war with my own identity and my own brain#and. it's scary and confusing and idk what to do and I don't understand
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heaven4lostgirls Ā· 11 days ago
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hello luv! Could you possibly do a poly! marauders with reader who has issues sleeping like some times she canā€™t sleep for three nights straight and the next day sheā€™ll fall asleep in the middle of class and canā€™t keep her eyes open? xxx
pairing: poly!marauders x fem!reader
summary: request above!
warnings: mentions of not sleeping well, insomnia? not sure. mentions of regulus also not sleeping well.
word count: 2.1K
a/n: really enjoyed writing this, hope you enjoy it! thanks for the request!
āœ° āœ° āœ° āœ° āœ° āœ° āœ° āœ° āœ° āœ° āœ°
The emptiness on your side of Jamesā€™ bed is what wakes him up. He blinks blearily as he stretches to reach over to your side of the bed. Heā€™s greeted by an untouched duvet and perfectly stacked pillows.
As if you had never come to bed at all.
Worry gnaws at his heart as he turns over to look at Remus and Siriusā€™ beds to check if maybe you snuck off to them instead.
Instead, all he sees is Peteā€™s snoring figure underneath his covers and Remus and Sirius cuddled up together on the latterā€™s bed as the formerā€™s bed looks unfortunately similar to the right side of his bed.
He rubs the sleep out of his eyes and thinks better than waking up Remus and Sirius to find you. He grasps his glasses off of his nightstand and tiptoes to his trunk to grab the map.
With a quick glance heā€™s surprised to find you in the Gryffindor common room, not far at all.
He stuffs the mapĀ  back into his trunk as he grabs a jumper that he tugs on as he walks sleepily out of the dorm and down the stairs.
Heā€™s greeted by the sight of you curled up on the long sleeper couch in front of the fire as you have one of Remusā€™ novels in your hands.
He can see the tiredness wearing you down and the frustration that you canā€™t seem to give into it.
His feet shuffle against the marble floor which alerts you to his presence, you take a quick glance and frown worriedly as you catch a sleep befuddled James shuffling towards you.
He collapses on top of you with an uncoordinated movement and you let out a small whoosh of air.
ā€œYou didnā€™t come to bedā€ he murmurs into your neck before he sighs out blissfully as your hands cascade into his curls.
ā€œI couldnā€™t sleep, didnā€™t want to worry youā€ you murmur back, and he frowns softly before pulling away to look into your eyes.
ā€œI would have helpedā€ he frowns and you smile before pulling your hand out of his hair and smoothing out the frown lines on his face.
ā€œSā€™okay, Iā€™m used to itā€ you shrug offhandedly and James lips tug down again.
ā€œIā€™m sorry loveā€ James says and his big brown eyes blink lovingly and morosely at you.
You only shake your head and push him to lay back down on your shoulder.
ā€œNot your fault Jamie, sā€™just how it isā€ you say and go back to running your hands through his hair..
He lets out small puffsĀ  of breath against your collarbone as you feel his form start to melt into you.
Youā€™re unjustifiably jealous as you realise heā€™s fallen back to sleep, his breathing evening out to notify you enough that heā€™s no longer conscious
You feel your frustration rising and your form tensing enough that it has James whining in his sleep and snuggling into you harder.
You relax, helpless against your boyfriend as you try to keep your tears at bay.
You just wanted to sleep. It wasnā€™t fair that you had to work twenty times harder than the average person just to do something your body should do naturally.
It had been days since you had last gotten a proper nights sleep, youā€™d been relying on naps that lasted anywhere from 20 minutes to 2 hours at most.
It was enough to have you functioning but too little that people had started noticing, Sirius had tried to spray some of his lavender oil onto your pillow which had only assaulted your nostrils.
Remus had offered to give you a massage to help ease the tension in your muscles and relax you but that had only worked until he had stopped.
James had volunteered to do some quidditch practice together but that had only resulted in sore muscles in which Remus had to massage.
In conclusion, you were fucked.
Truly, you had tried everything, and you knew the only way to really go through this process was to wait it out.
Your boyfriends were less than willing to let you wait it out, they hated the idea of knowing you were struggling without being able to help.
You turn your gaze to the fire as you watch the flames crackle in the darkness of the semi-lit common room.
Time continues to pass and soon the sun is taking the place of the moon in the window behind you. As the sun rises, you shuffle carefully out from under James as you leave him with a pillow to cuddle.
You make your way to your dorm and a quick casting of tempus tells you that itā€™s 5 minutes past 6AM.
Early enough for none of your roommates to be awake but late enough for it to be acceptable for you to be getting ready.
You understand this is your reality, something you have to deal with. Some things come easier for you than it does for others and vice versa. Itā€™s just unfortunate yours had to be a healthy sleep schedule.
As you go through your morning routine you cycle through explanations you can give to people about why you werenā€™t in bed and why you were up so early.
Fortunately, there was an astronomy assignment you could use as a scapegoat for your sleepless endeavours.
Less fortunately, the only people who wouldnā€™t believe your lies were the only peopleĀ  you really wished would.
Remus, Sirius and James were all too aware of the fact that you struggled with sleeping, and you harboured some resentment towards yourself for stressing them out over such a trivial matter.
At least that was how you saw it.
By the time you had finished your morning routine, taken a shower and dressed into your uniform, it was 7AM. Breakfast would only start at half past, so you had time to wonder around the castle a bit and get some studying done.
Considering your lack of sleep, you were already quite ahead in assignments, nearly as ahead as Remus and Lily.
Those two really were the swots they swore they werenā€™t.
You make your way out of your dorm quietly as you grab your bag, as you pass through the common room you take a second to take in Jamesā€™ sleeping form as you press a sweet kiss on his forehead.
He smiles in his sleepĀ  which brings a soft one to your face as you walk out of the portrait hole.
The castle is lovely early in the morning, quiet and undisturbed by the bustling crowds of Hogwarts students that will soon plague the halls.
Now you can admire how the sun warms the walls of the outer barriers and how some of the portraitā€™s chatter to themselves in a quiet symphony.
The library is open, so you make your way there, slipping into a familiar alcove as you open the book you had been reading the night before.
The unfortunate side effects of reading whilst running on no sleep catches up to you as you feel your eyelids start to flutter.
You wish this wouldā€™ve happened last night, or really any of the other nights you had tried to get some rest.
Since Ā you canā€™t afford to miss your classes for the day, you shake yourself awake and make your way to breakfast as soon as possible.
As you reach the doors of the great hall, youā€™re met with the scrutinizing gazes of your boyfriends as they sleepily look over all the students who have also decided to have an early breakfast.
Youā€™re shocked, truly.
Itā€™s one thing for Remus to be out of bed and at breakfast early, heā€™s only grouchy until he has a cup of coffee, James basically lives for early mornings but what really takes the cake is whoever let Sirius get up before 8AM.
He looks like heā€™s taken a shower and done his usual morning routine,Ā  but you can see him complaining as he stabs his eggs, his sleep really is important to him.
As you make your way to the Gryffindor table, you catch the sight of Regulus and Barty at the Slytherin table.
You know he also has trouble sleeping, many nights of meeting and bonding in the astronomy tower had told you that much. Before you two had gotten into relationships, those nights had been your crutch.
You both share a small smile before you pass them, James nudges Sirius harshly in the side at the sight of you,Ā  which in turn causes a chain reaction of Sirius yelping and pushing Remus which causes him to spill his coffee and let out a string of curses.
The chaos stops when you reach the bench in front of them and take a seat, thereā€™s only silence. Which surprises you, silence has never been synonymous with the marauders.
ā€œYou lot are awake earlyā€ you remark softly as you smile and take your seat. TheyĀ  all exchange a glass before Remus clears his throat and looks at you.
ā€œWhere were you?ā€ he asks, not confrontationally, just curious
Your shoulders migrate to your ears as you offer them all a soft shrug, ā€œI was in my dorm, why?ā€ you ask
You see Remus hesitate before James jumps in, ā€œI woke up alone in the common roomā€ he says sadly and you frown in sympathy.
ā€œIā€™m sorry Jamie, I just couldnā€™t-ā€ you start
ā€œSleep, we knowā€ the three of them chorus together and your cheeks warm.
ā€œSorryā€ you mumble as you push your breakfast around on your plate.
ā€œNothing to be sorry for angel, we just wish youā€™d come to usā€ Sirius offers placatingly, and you nod numbly
ā€œItā€™s just, hard yā€™know?ā€ you say
ā€œWe know, but we want to take care of youā€ he replies, and you can only nod as you munch on your breakfast.
You can feel the tiredness catching up to you so instead of your usual glass of water or juice in the morning, you grab a cup of coffee to chug down before your first class.
The boys watch you with a nervous energy, three days of not sleeping is not good for anyone. Youā€™re bound to crash out at some point.
You walk sluggishly alongside the boys to your DADA class and as you take a seat next to Remus, Sirius and James take their seats in front of the two of you.
You try and listen as the class continues, but the words start to blur as you glance at your textbook and black spots dart around your vision.
You allow yourself a few seconds to lay your head on the desk to rest, the soft scraping of Remusā€™ quill against the parchment and Sirius and Jamesā€™ soft whispering lulls you to sleep.
Your breathing evens out as you fall asleep, cheek pressed against your textbook and hair framing your face.
Remus pauses in his note taking as he takes a quick glance to you. He huffs a small laugh as he catches your sleeping figure.
He turns backwards to catch the eyes of his boyfriends as he tilts his head to your sleeping form in amusement.
Although Sirius shares some of his amusement, Jamesā€™ worry betrays itself in his eyes.
Sirius offers him a comforting smile before learning towards his boyfriend and whispering the word ā€˜cloakā€™ which has Jamesā€™ smile shifting from worry to excitement.
Always one to skip class, James makes quick work of throwing the cloak over himself as Remus and Sirius try to act inconspicuous.
Remus shakes you awake softly as Sirius quickly levitates all of your belongings back into your bag which he slings over his shoulder.
You blink drowsily and look at Remus, who helps shift you towards James outstretched arms in the back corner on the class.
All you can do is sleepily walk into his arms as he wraps the cloak around the both of you as he carries you out of the class.
He waits outside to see Remus walk out the classroom confidently before a crash and a curse is heard before Sirius runs out of the class.
Remus looks at him with a baffled expression. ā€œThe fuck did you do?!ā€ Remus asks incredulously.
Sirius gives him a glare, ā€œhex Carrow, whatā€™d you do?!ā€
ā€œā€¦Ask to go to the bathroomā€ Remus replies, and Siriusā€™ mouth drops open.
James huffs a laugh which has you jostling in his hold, he mutters a small apology as he adjusts you comfortably in his arms with your legs wrapped around his waist and his arms around his neck.
ā€œDorm?ā€ Sirius offers with a fond look to your face peaking out and Remus nods as they make the walk back to the dorm.
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your-average-teenage-mess Ā· 1 month ago
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The fact that so many of us grew up undiagnosed autistic and socially isolated to the point where we couldn't have a normal interaction with our average classmate, were forced into learning philosophical and psychological theory just to understand what the fuck was wrong with us, kept having our interests shamed by the mainstream and our natural form of existence being seen as a turn-off for almost everyone in our fucking lives, kept being told that we were being inappropriate and unacceptable because the rules of society were stupid, had our entire life fall apart because everything was harder than it was supposed to be, developed multiple mental health issues in the process and had to cling to the insights we gained about society from the outside and to the things we were passionate about as our only forms of stability and power, only to then be told that we're "not better than everyone else for liking different things" and "should stop trying to win over male approval", just because we also happened to live through all that as girls and God Forbid we let the self-importance of an isolated dysfunctional teenage girl without social support blow out of proportion, will probably continue making me angry for as long as this doesn't stop. And maybe a bit after that too.
What I need some of you to understand is that "haha other girls wear makeup and date guys while I listen to indie rock and have no love life" is not necessarily a takedown of wearing makeup and dating guys. Sometimes it's just attempting to joke around at how terrifyingly isolating it is to be the only one who is the latter and WOULD NOT BE ABLE TO MAKE YOURSELF ANY OTHER WAY EVEN IF YOU TRIED, while everyone in your life is the former, and seem to relegate you to the category of "unsociable weirdo". Do you really think that this causes people (and by people I mean TEENAGE GIRLS for fucks sake) to believe they're genuinely better than everyone around them? Do you think people who went through this and made "other girls vs me" memes on Facebook were the ones who left the "other girls" of the world with unresolved personal trauma from highschool? That the outcasts joking about being edgy and cool because they can't get along with anyone are the ones who made gender-conforming girls with mainstream interests and a friend group and a love life feel like they are lesser? Give me. A fucking. Break.
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bakugoushotwife Ā· 10 months ago
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blessing and curse
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summary: yuuji is a wonderful boyfriend...you just wish he was able to fuck you... warnings: post shibuya, aged up duh, yuuji struggles with ptsd, night terrors, as well as anxiety, you both see therapists, oral (fem receiving), penetrative sex, fem!reader, pet names, (pretty girl, baby, cutie, etc), rough sex. wc: 3k a/n: this is my first yuuji piece nom nom nom i'm actually obsessed and soaking wet tbh i'm thinking thoughts for yuuji.........anyway to my lovely requester i hope you enjoy this <;3 jjk masterlist here
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yuuji feels things very intensely. itā€™s a blessing and a curse, though the latter is more often experienced than the former. guilt, loss, regretā€“all things that nearly swallowed him whole while he fought for his friends and the people of japanā€“for the whole world. itā€™s so hard to be him, to live with what he carries on his shouldersā€“on his soul. heā€™s unloveable. heā€™s the one who caused all of the painā€”things would have been easier if he died. thereā€™s a number of people whose lives ended because of and for him. he was only just adjacent to a murderer. months after the fighting ceased and the war was won, he would wake up numerous times through the night with night terrors. he couldnā€™t even call them nightmares because they werenā€™t fabrications of his imagination. they were all too real memories that kept making their roundsā€“reminding him that he would be forever burdened with a layer of hell no one else could claim to know about.Ā 
he met you in the waiting room of his therapistā€™s office. he remembers seeing you and wondering what you could be talking to his specialist about. it meant you also had to be a sorcererā€”clearly he couldnā€™t see a normal one about his specific traumas and baggage, and apparently neither could you. he remembers not even knowing you and his heart still hurting for the pretty young girl that must be hurting like him. he remembers hoping that you hadnā€™t been through anything like what he hadā€”the anxious voice in the back of his mind wondering if somehow he caused your pain via sukunaā€™s rampages or the destruction and death that followed him. he remembers you meeting his eyes on a seemingly unremarkable thursday afternoon, catching him in the middle of one of his staring way too long episodes. you narrowed your eyes and tilted your head at him in amusement.Ā 
the rest was easy. you were easy to talk to, to admire, to hold, to love. you made him feel intense things in a good wayā€“in a way he had nearly given up on. his world had slowly become a mixed palette of blacks and whites and muted graysā€“but your smile brought color back. your touch made vivid purples and yellows; your laughter the brightest of pinks and the most warm oranges. you became the blessing where he was the curse, the savior of a damned man bound to paint on smiles and pretend that sacrificing his soul and everyone heā€™s ever loved was worth it. now he felt unimaginable comfort and love by getting to know you. his smiles werenā€™t so fake anymoreā€”and the only things that woke him in the night was losing you. truly the only fear that yuuji itadori has left: cursing his blessing.Ā 
you thought he was the best boyfriend around and an even better man. youā€™ve slowly but surely unraveled the reason he was visiting the therapist through his eventual opening up to you and telling you just a fraction of what heā€™s experienced in his life and you can understand his intimacy issues. seeā€¦yuuji is easy to love. heā€™s wonderful, attentive, sweet, careful, strong and chivalrous. but he wonā€™t fuck you. youā€™re too nervous to push him any furtherā€”all too aware of his fears of letting anyone in, of loving and showing that in ways that make you vulnerable. heā€™s all too conscious of what it would meanā€”of the danger he would be putting you in.
thereā€™s been many times here lately that youā€™ve thought that line will finally be crossedā€”heavy petting and make-outs that get you squirming in his lap and soaking through your panties. it always goes this way, no matter how innocent the two of you try to keep your dates. move night, game night, even cooking together ends up with yuujiā€™s tongue down your throat and his hands under your shirt. tonight is no different, some youtube video plays in the backgroundā€”a forgotten video game walkthrough that yuuji had been paying careful attention to until you leaned in to rip it away with those teasing kisses to his jaw. you know exactly what buttons to press after four months of nothing past second base driving you to a point of restlessness.Ā 
you just wanted him to see your perseverance. you would do this for as long as it takes, anything to prove that youā€™re here to stay. you want to make him comfortable enough to tear those walls downā€”the ones that make his eyes flutter shut and his hands fist at his pants in order to keep them to himself. his eyes close to will himself to concentrate on somethingā€“anythingā€”other than the feeling of your warm lips tracing his pulse, smooth fingers sliding under his shirt to outline the dips and muscles of his torso. itā€™s not that he doesnā€™t want to this, he craves you like nothing ever before. your touch is the medicine bringing him back to life, but he canā€™t allow himself to ruin youā€”taint you. but as you move into his lap and change your kisses to more intense nips and sucks at his skin, his body betrays his mind. he can feel the blood rush to his cock as your thighs trap him beneath you, and he moans out at the same time you do. the pressure of your clothed cunt sitting against his needy dick has his hands moving before he can tell himself to stop. he grabs your waist, accidentally and automatically rutting up against the friction you offer with a hiss.Ā 
ā€œfuck, cutie.ā€ he groans, your lips covering his parted and pouty ones to keep him from protesting further. his fingers only dig into your side as the two sides of his mind argue with each other. he wants you badly, your body slotted against his perfectly and the way you kiss him like youā€™re trying to touch his soul drives him crazy. anyone with a girlfriend as hot as you would be a fucking idiot to keep denying himself of her. his hands knead the warm flesh of your body as an instinct, his body knowingly responding to your advances. his tongue slides over yours in a frenzy, his head becoming fuzzy as saliva trails down his chinā€”something in him telling him to stop when his hands slide upwards to palm your chest. you cry out at the feelingā€”so starved for his affection that you know youā€™re soaking wet already. just his rough hands scraping over your sensitive nipples sends you into rutting rhythmic circles of your hips over the tent in his pants, breaking your sloppy kiss in order to remove your shirt fully in a silent show of what you wanted to happen next.Ā 
ā€œaw babyā€”you know i canā€™t,ā€ he whines, his lips swollen and even pinker than usual. he drops his hold to your hips, making comforting circles over the bone beneath his grasp. your face drops to instant heartbreak and he can feel his own heart try to rip itself apart for making you so sad. he never thought about how this must affect you, a woman with needs and desires for her boyfriend. he knows this canā€™t last much longer or heā€™ll lose you anyway. the room is just a mixture of your heavy breathing and the monotone droning of the tv for a few moments, and then you whine in retaliation, picking up his hand and moving it back to your breast. you search his eyes, seeing the fear flickering in those brown embers of his. you just need to show him thereā€™s nothing to be scared of, that you need him worse than you need the oxygen in this room and would do anything for him today and forever.Ā 
ā€œyuuji,ā€ you gasp out in such a voice that he knows he wonā€™t be able to hold back this time. four months of seeing your body in your cute date outfits and in his shirt after youā€™ve spent the night; the feeling of your curves under his fingers as he guides you to the safe side of the sidewalk or the swell of your hip as he guides you through the door heā€™s just openedā€”four months of draining his balls after heā€™s sent you home with nothing more than a few wet kisses and tit-squeezes. the way your eyes shine like youā€™re about to cry if he denies you one last timeā€¦itā€™s too much. ā€œpleaseā€”i need you,ā€ you breathe out, reaching those gorgeously soft hands out to sweep against his cheeks, to plead with him to be a good boyfriend. he canā€™t make you suffer any longerā€”ā€i need you so bad yuuji, please donā€™t push me awayā€¦iā€™m your forever girl!ā€Ā 
oh fuck. he might cum in his pants from hearing that alone. suddenly, silence falls upon his mind. he can only hear the echoes of your cries for himā€“no more voices in his head arguing about the best way to continue, only you. a guttural groan rips from his throat and he stands with your legs wrapped around his body, a broad hand snaking up your back to keep you pressed against him. you squeal a little at the sudden shift and the deep growl that he let out, his face now devoid of that playful man youā€™ve come to love. he looks so focused, so serious, his brow furrowed as he looks over your face.Ā 
ā€œiā€™m sorry i made you wait so long, pretty girl.ā€ he nods, letting your body bounce on the bed as heā€™s set on immediately removing the remainder of your clothes. he pulls you to the edge, legs dangling over the sides. you almost think it must be too good to be true, sitting up on your elbows to catch a glimpse of that ravenous fire consuming his previously kind eyes. heā€™s leaned back to peel his own clothes off, but his eyes never leave your body. he looks over your lip pinched between your teeth to your pebbled nipples to the glistening slick coating your inner thighs. he doesnā€™t even know where to start, but heā€™s going to ensure that youā€™re finally taken care of. ā€œiā€™m a dumbassā€”thought i was keeping you safer like that.ā€ he mutters, leaning over to kiss the space between your ribcage. he makes his way to your jaw, licking a hungry stripe between your breasts and claiming your neck with bruising nips at the delicate flesh that greeted him.Ā 
youā€™re set to mewling immediately, the flip switched in your boyfriend making you rub your legs together in anticipation. he chuckles and you can feel him smile against your skin as his hand snakes down to keep you from squirming. he quickly pecks your lips. ā€œm gonna make it up to you now, baby girl.ā€ his eyes are wide, but glazed over with affection. you nod, feeling his strong fingers dig into the supple flesh of your thigh to keep you from closing them, his abs raking over your sensitive clit as he lowers himself to his knees at the foot of the bed. your face burns as you realize what heā€™s going to do, but he doesnā€™t give you time to think about it before turning your mind to mush from the feeling of his fat tongue splitting your lips apart and breaching your tiny hole. he seems pleased by the way you reactā€”back arching off the bed and hands gripping at the sheets from the surprising burn. itā€™s a good burn, the kind youā€™ve been craving for the months youā€™ve been with a man who loves you like he does, your wanton moans just cementing that his choice was the right one. heā€™s growing addicted to this already; your flavor on his tongue, your moans echoing in his ears and your thighs pressing in to the sides of his face. he feels your silky walls clamp down on his tongue, making his eyes roll back at the thought of putting his dick in something so tight. he slurps at the arousal slipping out, sliding his tongue to the hardened bud waiting at the top of your cunt. he wraps his tongue around your clit, making you jolt at the sudden increase in sensation. itā€™s amazingā€”goosebumps prickle out over your skin and you reach down to tug at the silky pink locks woven between your fingers. you can feel every nerve running through your body and how it builds with a fiery pleasure that you know only yuuji can give you. ā€œoh my godā€”yuuji!ā€ you cry out as that pleasure mounts to a tipping point. his teeth scrape against your hood to encourage you to fall over that line so he can see what heā€™s been denying you of for four achingly long months.Ā 
you make the sweetest face when you cum, it has him closing a fist around his own dick to calm himselfā€”the promise of having your pussy making him jerk at his own touch. you even sound so pretty as you shatter, legs jerking and your grip on his hair yanking almost painfully hard. it only makes yuuji smile wider, feeling a bubbly sense of satisfaction ripple in his own gut from making you feel so good.Ā 
ā€œnngh, yuujiā€“ā€ you whine, your vision returning to normal after a few seconds of respite. heā€™s already pushing you back to the pillows, manhandling you into the bent position he wanted. youā€™re on your back, knees by your ears and a boyfriend giving you no time to be anxious about the angry and leaky horsecock sliding through your folds. you thought he was a sweet man, and maybe he still isā€“but his own excitement to have you has him forgetting his normal chivalrous behavior. ā€œfuckā€“yuuji!ā€ you claw at his biceps, fighting against that true splitting burn. his tongue was nothing compared to the girth he pierces you withā€”and heā€™s smiling so tenderly at your wiggling and struggling.Ā 
ā€œsā€™okay, cutie. you can take it, youā€™re already taking it!! didnā€™t you ask me to?ā€ he raises a brow, face flashing with mock-confusion as your hands shove at his chest, all in an effort to get used to the feeling of him inside you. his thumb brushes your cheek, his other hand keeping the back of your thigh shoved back. ā€œnyehā€”you begged me! come on pretty girlā€“you gotta loosen up!ā€ he laughs airily, moving the hand from your face back down to pinch and roll your aching clit. you jump at first, the touch sending another jolt of pleasure circulating to your brainā€“and then you relax enough for him to move. heā€™s got you folded in such a way that you can hardly breatheā€“or maybe thatā€™s from how he slams into you recklessly, tip catching on your poor, innocent, cervix each time. it hurts, it burns everywhereā€”but itā€™s the best feeling in the world. his breathing grows ragged once he settled into a pace, brutally slamming into you in a way that led you to believe he wasnā€™t doing this on accident.Ā 
soon, your hands around his biceps slip to your sides, eyes lulling into a pleasure-induced haze. you watch him, the twitch of his nose and the way his hair gets curly once it sticks to his forehead from his sweat. heā€™s perfect, and heā€™s finally giving you all of himself, really devoting himself to you, conquering any fear. you donā€™t mind if youā€™ll be bedridden for the next weekā€”feeling his heavy cock in your chest from how hard he ruts into youā€”it would be well worth it to hear his grunts and whimpers of satisfaction, to feel the bruising grip he has on your body like heā€™s afraid you might disappear. itā€™s all so good, and exactly like you craved. ā€œthere she goesā€”takinā€™ it like a champ now!ā€ he cheers you on, panting a little as he leans over your body and grabs the headboard, deepening his angle as if he wasnā€™t already fucking you brainless.Ā 
the new angle makes your jaw drop in absolute earth-shattering bliss. you two could be the only people left on earth and you would never knowā€”to consumed in yuuji itadori to notice anything else. youā€™re back to pawing at his chest, the coil in your gut building rapidly as he fucks into you like his life depends on it. you wanted everything, heā€™ll make sure he gives you everything. the headboard creaks, the bed moans with you and you truly do worry he might break it for a split secondā€“but his broken moan of your name swallows up any wandering thoughts. a bead of sweat slides down the slope of his nose before it drops onto your cheek, the evidence of his hardwork. he moans your name again, warning you that the end was approaching. you nod as he moves your legs to his shoulders, leaning as close as possible to wrap you in his arms and kiss you in short, desperate bursts. he treasures you more than he thought possible, that look you give him right before your eyes roll back into your head from your orgasm makes his own dick jump within your vice-grip of a cunt. you make that sweet face again, a face he knows heā€™s hooked onā€”your pussy spasming around him to welcome his fat load gets him to make his own kind of special and beautiful face, lip between his teeth and adamā€™s apple bobbing at the same pace his balls slap into your backside. you swear you can feel his heart beating, his lungs filling and emptying as he flattens his chest to yours and fills your guts with his loving cum. he keeps thrusting even after heā€™s done, just watching your face contort and shift, your body bouncing in his arms. he likes the ache of overstimluation, and loves the way you mewl and hug him, eyes all sleepy and far away.Ā 
ā€œthatā€™s it, you did it, so so good.ā€ he praises in a soft tone, kissing your lips and then your nose and then your forehead with equal adoration. ā€œcanā€™t believe i kept us from feeling like that!ā€ he shakes his head, kissing your cheeks to continue showering you in his love if not to keep you awake. he sits back up and slides out of you, quickly snatching his t-shirt up to catch the spillage. itā€™s hot, watching his seed trickle from your abused pussyā€”he whines a little at the sight, puppy dog eyes flickering over your body as if to wonder if you could take another roundā€¦
now that youā€™ve gotten him to start, you may never get him to stop.
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flying-womrats Ā· 5 months ago
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replacements for a few LMS mods
If you think you saw this post yesterday, yes you did- then I made a couple edits and realized I should have done it under a readmore in case people reblogged it... So here we go again! These are the possible replacements I found for the littlemssam mods I was using, in case they help anyone else.
Caveats: - Often not a 1:1 replacement. - I only went looking for replacements for mods I was actually using, so this only covers a fraction of her catalog. - Most of these modders still use Curseforge, they're just not exclusive to it.
Additionally, if anyone knows of a replacement for any of the following: Go For A Walk, Improved Meditation Stool, Improved Practical Spells (the improvements to the spells themselves,) No Random Job Offers (I know BosseladyTV has one, but it's CF exclusive,) Purchased Items Delivered By Mail, Release All The Ghosts, or Tea For Children, please drop me an ask! I only request no Curseforge exclusives and no Zer0.
On to the list:
Allow Stoves in University Housing -> Zerbu, No University Housing Restrictions
Auto Employees -> Kuttoe's "X Everywhere" mods, Zerbu's Spawn Refresh
Auto-Light Fireplaces Only When Cold -> Bienchen, fireplaceautonomytweak
Buy Treats via PC -> Bienchen, buypettreat
Calendar Tweaks -> Kuttoe, Less Frequent Prom (caveat: takes time to start working, especially if you're using a longer season setting)
Cookbooks -> ClaudiaSharon, Cook Experimental/Cultural/Jungle Food Without Tasting It First
Immortality Potion Fix -> Kuttoe, Potions Rework (only a half replacement- removes the VFX, but doesn't lock aging like the Scarlet/LMS mod)
Kids Can Walk Dogs -> ChippedSim, Paws & Claws (A Sim's Best Friend module)
More Away Actions -> Bienchen, awayactions (is actually included in the LMS mod)
No Burning Sun in Forgotten Hollow -> TwistedMexi, Daywalkers + Underworlds (caveat: per TMex's comment on the latter, the eternal night is only cosmetic and still requires Daywalkers for vampires to come out at "daytime". Also, Daywalkers affects all worlds. Still interested in a mod closer to LMS's if one exists!)
No Insects Herbalism -> Simularity, Improved Herbalism Potions & Features
No Shoe Sign Animation -> Lotharihoe, Shoe Sign Animation Tweaks (doesn't remove the animation entirely but does stop it from interrupting walking)
No Sick, Dirty, Sad and Hungry Pets -> Bienchen, catanddogsanity
Pregnancy Overhaul ("sims can do more" part) -> Bienchen, pregnantsimscandomore
Pregnancy Overhaul (belly sizes) -> t0nischwartz, No Bump or sonozakisisterssims4, "The belly in pregnancy depends on the number of babies" (the former is simpler but has no equivalent to the "larger belly" option, the latter has a bit more going on but has direct equivalents to LMS's sizes, so take your pick!)
Sleep All Night and Sleep In -> Midnitetech- Stay Asleep, Mokunoid- Better Sleep Autonomy or Lot 51- Sunrise depending on desired depth/customization
Social Activities -> adeepindigo, Youth, Friends and Family Activities
Small GF Reactions Overhaul -> Bienchen, lesscelebreact
Small Laundry Overhaul -> Bienchen's laundry mods cover some (but not all- anyone have something to make it cost money on community lots?) of it, along with Lotharihoe's No Autonomously Set Laundry Down to replace the "auto put away laundry" part.
Spar With For Everyone -> Bienchen, sparwithfornonmilitary
Toddler Ask For Food No Junk -> Bienchen, healthyhighchair (not quite the same thing but it solves the "why do they always give the kid chips" issue at least)
WEE: Working Elevators Everywhere -> Ravasheen, Uplifting Elevators (space and wall height permitting, it's also possible to make no-CC elevators with the RoM debug portals!)
Wellness Treat Fix -> Bienchen, petanxiousbufffix
Also, while I wasn't using either of them myself, Meet&Mingle can replace SimDa Dating App, and Lovestruck adds a "canon" dating app (though given EA's complete lack of attention to QA etc. I wouldn't recommend paying for it.)
edit 6/26/24: added Sunrise, petanxiousbufffix, pregnantsimscandomore
edit 6/27/24: added No Bump, moved into a new post.
edit 6/29/24: added Daywalkers, No University Housing Restrictions (ty @northernnightsky!) and the sonozakisisters bump mod
edit 7/2/24: added Underworlds (ty anon), Paws & Claws, and a link to the tutorial I followed for no-CC elevators
edit 8/22/24: added Spawn Refresh
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am-i-interrupting Ā· 9 months ago
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Affection | Vox x Fem!Reader
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Summary: Vox and Valentino get into it. Vox looks for a way to get payback and stumbles upon you. He didnā€™t expect you to actually care.
Warnings: sex work, a bit of a mommy kink
He was used to the petty yelling, the constant spats, even the object throwing. What crossed the line was when he had to replace his screen.
Vox and Valentino got into a lot of arguments, normally started by the latter instead of the former. This one was bad though. Vox didnā€™t even want to think about it but it was all that was on his mind.
He was angry.
He was angry because it was easier to be angry rather than something else, something more vulnerable. He didnā€™t want to and couldnā€™t afford to be vulnerable right now. He had to hold onto this anger so he didnā€™t go crawling back to Valentino.
Currently, he was at his desk, looking through documents about ads that were just waiting for Voxā€™s stamp of approval. He stumbled upon yours and he paused.
He recognized you. Why?
He copied your name into a search bar and looked at your Sinstagram profile. Flipping through the pictures, he found one of you at a bar and thatā€™s when he remembered.
Valentino tried to contract you and youā€™d basically laughed at him. Youā€™d tossed back a shot and then turned to Valentino, asking if he needed you to pay for it since he was clearly so desperate for new recruits as he was only preying on people too stupidly drunk to realize how bad of an idea it was to say yes. Oh, he remembered Valentino seething that night.
He approved your ad but he couldnā€™t get you out of his head. He opened the closed tag again as he actually read through your ad.
You were advertising music. Which, when say side by side with your Sinstagram made sense as he saw a picture of you with Verosika Mayday. There wasnā€™t really anything interesting on the advert.
He scrolled up to the top of your Sinstagram in order to look at them in order from most to least relevant. That is when he caught sight of a link in your bio. He clicked it.
He was brought to a website. He wasnā€™t sure what he expected but he did raise an eyebrow nonetheless. It was an escort sight. A home page that had you and several other people scantily dressed with a description of what every person and the services you offered.
Maybe he was being more vindictive than he thought because he immediately clicked on the tab that sent him to your page and booked a time with you.
It was far out, months away in fact. He honestly had forgotten about it until he got an email the week before asking if he was still available and inviting him to a pre-session consultation. Not willing to back out and have it potentially mess with his image, he made the time.
He logged into a video call several days later and was greeted with you in the middle of putting on your makeup.
ā€œWell, hello, Mr. Vox,ā€ you said with a soft purr. He replied with a formal greeting of your name. ā€œYouā€™re a busy guy and Iā€™m a busy gal so Iā€™ll keep this quick. This is just a little meeting for boundaries. I know it bothers some people to make them in person so Iā€™ve found this to be an easier way.
ā€œIā€™ll go first. No hickies, no bruises, no scratches, no cuts, no burns, just no marks. It might be pretty and fun in the moment but it costs me later. Not everyone enjoys having sex with someone whoā€™s clearly had it with someone else not long before. It may be part of my work but people do like an illusion.
ā€œI donā€™t do bondage where Iā€™m the one tied up. Itā€™s nothing personal, just a safety issue. On the topic of safety, if you bring in anything that could be used as a weapon. Iā€™m done and youā€™re leaving. All I need from you is that pretty little body of yours and payment. Iā€™ll provide the rest.
ā€œOn the topic of payment, I know youā€™ve already made your upfront payments for this little consultation. The rest can be brought when you come in cash. Any questions so far?ā€
He surprised himself by saying, ā€œNot so far, no.ā€
You weā€™re far more thorough than he thought. Heā€™d bought time before but it was never this professionally done, even by Valentinoā€™s standards. Granted, with Valentinoā€™s sex workers, there was really only one rule, payment upfront. He didnā€™t give a fuck about anything else.
You though? You had clearly given this a lot of thought on all parts.
ā€œGood, Iā€™m glad,ā€ you said. ā€œThose are my hard rules. Everything else is a little more flexible. So, tell me, what is it you want from tonight?ā€
ā€œTo have a good time.ā€
ā€œOf course, we all want to have a good time, Vox, but Iā€™m talking specifics. Donā€™t be naive,ā€ you said. ā€œI have full confidence you know better. Maybe itā€™d be easier if I told you what Iā€™m best at.ā€
The lid of your lipstick clicked closed. You looked at the camera, looking at him directly on his screen by proxy, for the first time.
ā€œI can do just about anything your cold, dead heart desires but I enjoy specific things more than others. Iā€™m a bit of a dominatrix, Iā€™d you will. I enjoy the power and control of giving people what they need instead of what they want. How does that sound to you?ā€
ā€œIt sounds to me like a very overlord thing to do,ā€ he replied.
ā€œNot there yet,ā€ you said. ā€œSo, is that the role you prefer to play?ā€
ā€œItā€™s one I play often.ā€
ā€œYes, Iā€™ve gathered that but do you prefer it?ā€
Vox didnā€™t know why he didnā€™t just say yes. He should have. It went with his image to say yes and thatā€™s why he was still agreeing to do this even though he and Valentino werenā€™t on the worst of terms right now.
He hadnā€™t crawled back to Valentino yet. Itā€™d been one of their longer spells away from one another. Five months without even falling back into bed once.
Perhaps thatā€™s why he said what he said. He was pent up. He hadnā€™t had time to unwind and the person he normally would go to for that he was still upset with. Thatā€™s the reason heā€™d go with anyway.
ā€œItā€™s the role I play most often,ā€ he said.
ā€œBut is it the role you like?ā€ you asked. When he didnā€™t answer you smiled, a more genuine one than any flirty or sarcastic one youā€™d shot his way before. ā€œStubborn, Iā€™ll keep that noted.ā€
ā€œI am notā€”ā€œ
ā€œYouā€™re proving my point. Now,ā€ you stood up and rummaged through a drawer he couldnā€™t see, ā€œpick a set for me.ā€
For the next several hours, Vox felt like he couldnā€™t focus. He was nervous. He couldnā€™t even remember the last time heā€™d been nervous over a one night stand.
He left early, leaving his assistant with double the workload but he didnā€™t care. He just needed to be out of the building.
He took Vark out on a walk to pass time but it still went by so slowly. It took what felt like days for it to finally be time to leave.
Heā€™d call it considerate that he left without his usual suit jacket, waistcoat, and tie but in reality, he felt so hot, constricted with them on.
He traveled through the cameras and arrived at the address heā€™d been given, not a single person having seen him.
He knocked on the door and that sense of security was promptly shattered when it opened and he heard someone say, ā€œHoly shit!ā€ in response to seeing him.
He glared at the offending person as he stepped in. He recognized them from being pictured on your website. They quickly spun around and continued doing whatever it was they were in the process of.
He was led to a room which when opened revealed you inside. You were wearing a shear robe that gave him a peak at what was hiding underneath.
ā€œI was promised secrecy,ā€ he said. ā€œNot to be gawked at by the employees.ā€
ā€œSo you donā€™t want to be gawked at me?ā€ you asked. You smiled at your own joke. ā€œEveryone here is under contracted lock and key to not say a single word about what goes on inside these walls. Youā€™re image will be fine.ā€
ā€œContracted?ā€
ā€œYou said I had the makings of an overlord,ā€ you replied. ā€œWhy are you suddenly surprised that I have contracts? Donā€™t worry, I assure you theyā€™re much more ethically sourced than your co-workerā€™s.ā€
He rolled his eyes.
ā€œSpeaking of,ā€ you said as you took several steps towards him, ā€œwhy are you here? Iā€™d imagine you could have any of Valentinoā€™s contracted cash free. Why waste it on me? Iā€™m not exactly cheap.ā€
You held out your hand and he reached into a pocket to retrieve the other part of your payment. You swiftly began counting it.
ā€œYou fuck one of Valentinoā€™s pets, youā€™ve fucked them all,ā€ he said. ā€œTheyā€™re all too scared to be any fun after a while.ā€
ā€œAs much as I know thatā€™s a true statementā€”ā€œ you put the cash in a drawer of the bedside tableā€” ā€œI donā€™t believe it.ā€
He felt his eye twitch. ā€œAnd what exactly would youā€”ā€œ
ā€œWhy donā€™t you take off your shirt and lay on the bed?ā€ You walked towards him and ran your hands up his torso. ā€œOr I could take it off for you.ā€
You began unbuttoning his shirt and for some reason, it made him drop all his irritation. When you finished, you bent down and licked all the way up his torso. You kissed and nipped at his collar bone.
His hands went to your sides but you spatted them away. The shirt fell to the ground.
You looked up at him, like you were daring him to kiss you. However, when he went to do just that, you stepped away.
ā€œOn the bed face down, mister,ā€ you told him.
He huffed. Despite his mind telling him to grab you and pull you in for a kiss, take you and remind you of who exactly you were messing with, his body followed your instructions.
The mattress dipped as you straddled him. Something popped open (he tensed), a bottle clinked as it was set on the table, and then the sound of you rubbing your hands together went through the air.
Your hands, warm against his skin and slick with oil, began to rub up and down his back.
ā€œWhy are you here, Vox?ā€ you asked. ā€œIā€™m not stupid. I keep up with the news. Did you think I wouldnā€™t notice that the day you made an appointment was the same day you updated your status to single again? Itā€™s still single now so what happened?ā€
ā€œNothing happened,ā€ he said.
ā€œUh-huh, and the fact that you visibly tensed as soon as I mentioned Valentino is just a coincidence,ā€ you said. ā€œEverything you say in these walls stays within them.ā€
ā€œYouā€™re the one who made the contracts,ā€ he said. ā€œYouā€™re not under them.ā€
ā€œTrue, butā€”ā€œ
You began to apply pressure with your thumb, grinding your thumb and hand in circles along his back.
ā€œOh, fuck.ā€
ā€œā€”I also made them,ā€ you said, basically repeating his words. ā€œIt means I place value in confidentiality.ā€
ā€œOr covering youā€™re ownā€” oh, fuck, right thereā€” your own ass.ā€
ā€œI could be.ā€
You leaned down and he felt toy trap his entire torso beneath you. He liked the feeling. He liked the feeling of you over him.
You got close to his face, ā€œBut I think we both know Iā€™m not.ā€ You moved back and he mourned the feeling as soon as it was gone. ā€œYou donā€™t have to tell me if you donā€™t want to. Youā€™re just very obviously tense and not just physically.ā€
You punctuated your sentence by rolling the palm of your hand at the base of his neck before squeezing it lightly. He couldnā€™t hold back a moan at the feeling of some tension leaving his body.
You continued on like that in silence for a while. You were working out the knots in his muscles and he was basically putty beneath your hands.
Heā€™d never been treated like this before. He had couldnā€™t remember the last time he felt loose. There was always some kind of feeling of unease he constantly carried.
He didnā€™t even know he needed this because heā€™d never known that he could have it.
You leaned to once again lay over him but this time he could feel the entire weight of your body instead of just your warmth. You wrapped your arms underneath his shoulders and placed a kiss to his neck.
ā€œAre you alright to continue?ā€ you asked him as you nuzzled against his shoulder blade.
ā€œIā€”ā€œ He tried to search for some witty or snarky remark to make but all he could come up with was, ā€œYes.ā€
You cooed at him and slipped your hands out from underneath him to rub his back as you got off him. ā€œUsing your words, what a good boy,ā€ you said and he hated, hated how that made him feel so warm inside. ā€œCan you turn around for me? Yes, good.ā€
He closed his eyes and refused to look at you. You laughed but it didnā€™t feel mean. That didnā€™t make him feel any less embarrassed, however.
You did a wider, full handed version of the back massage youā€™d given him to his front as you began to roll your hips against his. He couldnā€™t hold back a whine.
ā€œOh, so pretty,ā€ you said. ā€œSuch pretty noises from such a pretty boy.ā€
ā€œFuck,ā€ it came out weak and pathetic.
Well, it was fitting then because thatā€™s how he felt, weak and pathetic. Such simply praise shouldnā€™t be so effective.
ā€œHow does that feel?ā€ you asked. ā€œCome on, be a good boy. Tell me. Tell me how to make you feel good, baby.ā€
You were kissing on his neck and shoulders now.
ā€œGood,ā€ he choked out.
You hummed against his skin.
He could feel his fingers flex. His arms moved. He stopped them. He wanted to touch. He should be able to touch. He should be able to do what he wanted. He was the fucking Vox, overlord and creator of the biggest tech company in Hell. He shouldnā€™t need permission to do something.
You grabbed his hands and brought them up to the knot of your robe.
ā€œYou can touch me, baby,ā€ you told him.
A whine forced its way out of his throat no matter how much he tried to keep it at bay.
He opened his eyes and you were so beautiful, grinding against him like you were made to. He could feel his cock straining against his pants. He wanted them off.
He settled for untying your robe. It fell to reveal the deep blue set heā€™d chosen for you earlier that day. It was sheer enough to show off your nipples through the cross crossed pattern of the bra. There was a silver chain that draped between the cups and further framed your breasts. Some traps went around your torso as part of the garter belt which held up your similarly colored stockings. You looked gorgeous.
You laughed and guided his hands up to your waist. Then up to your tits.
ā€œI love the way you keeping whining for me,ā€ you said. ā€œYouā€™re like a little pup.ā€ Your eyes honed on his neck and your hand followed your gaze. You pressed on his neck, just enough to add some pressure. ā€œThat neck of yours looks like it was made to be collared and leashed.ā€
ā€œOh fuck.ā€
You leaned closer to his face. ā€œWould you like that, baby?ā€
His fingers twitched around your breasts. He rubbed his thumbs over your clothes nipples as a silent apology. ā€œPlease.ā€
ā€œOh, such good manners.ā€ You applied more pressure to his neck, not enough to cut off his air supply. He arched into your touch. ā€œBut not tonight. Some other time, I promise. Iā€™ve got a feeling Iā€™ll be seeing you plenty, baby.ā€
You went to nip at his neck. His hands wrapped around to your back to hold you in place. Your own traveled down his torso and to his belt.
You undid it. You pulled down his pants but not his underwear. You slipped from his grasp.
You put your hands on either side of his bulge and ran your fingers over it. His legs spread open further as he tried to push up but you quickly put an end to that little action.
Your hands on his hips, you hovered your head over him. You licked a stripe onto the fabric. You began to suck him off with the barrier of his boxers.
He knew he was whining. His eyes wanted to screw shut but he kept them open, too transfixed by the visage before him.
Your own eyes were closed. Your hands, perfectly constraining his boxers, were wrapped around his hips. The tips of your perfectly manicured hands were digging into his skin. Your tongue lulled out and lavished him.
He could cum from just this alone.
However, as soon as the thought came to him, you pulled away.
ā€œNo, no, no, please, please, let me come,ā€ he said, words flowing from his mouth before he could stop them.
ā€œAw,ā€ you said with a chuckle, ā€œbegging so soon? How sweet. Donā€™t worry, baby, youā€™ll get to come soon. Iā€™ve just got to see that little dick of yours first.ā€
The small bit of degradation mixed with all the praise made him twitch.
Heā€™d never gotten any negative comments on his dick before. Rather the opposite, Valentino had tried several times before to talk him into at least faceless camera work but he didnā€™t want to think of the moth right now.
You pulled his underwear down to reveal his cock. It was length, a deep blue like the rest of him except were it was flushed vibrantly at the tip. He was already leaking pre-come. Milky white against his flesh.
You leaned over to lick it up. His eyes rolled back at the simple action.
Your smirked before you took him all your mouth at once. You slowly pulled up and let your teeth pull at the hood of his tip.
ā€œShit, shit, shit!ā€
He thrusted up into what was now just air as he twitched, his whole body convulsing but he didnā€™t come. He was on the verge though.
You shushed him as you stroked his inner thigh with your nails.
ā€œBe a good boy for me and hand me the lube,ā€ you said before you began sucking on the skin above his pelvic bone.
His hand went to your hair as he closed his eyes and moaned. It took him a moment to open them again but you didnā€™t seem to mind. He didnā€™t feel rushed.
When was the last time he hadnā€™t felt rushed while having sex? He couldnā€™t even remember. It was always about getting back to work as soon as possible or Valentinoā€™s quick hits. It was never really about him. It was about getting rid of his boner or Valentinoā€™s as soon as possible.
He liked this. He liked this feeling of. . . being cared for?
God, he was so fucking pathetic. He could feel tears filling his eyes as he reached for the lube on the bedside table.
ā€œAre you alright, baby?ā€ you asked. ā€œDo you need to stop.ā€
ā€œFuck, please donā€™t.ā€
ā€œOkay, we donā€™t have to stop. We can keep on going,ā€ you said as you poured some lube into your hands. ā€œYou just keep on being a good boy for me, alright? You can cry if you need to, baby. Itā€™s okay to cry, you know.ā€
That permission made it worse. He felt his face flush as tears began to stream down his face. This was pathetic. He was pathetic. He shouldnā€™t be crying. Heā€™d rarely ever cried. Much less during sex, especially sex that he was enjoying.
ā€œCan you bend yourā€” oh, such a good boy,ā€ you said.
You hooked his bent knees over your legs and pulled him into your lap.
You wrapped your hands, covered in warm lube (when was the last time someone had took the time to warm up lube before touching him?), around his cock and began slowly twisting your hands up and down. He couldnā€™t stop the weak thrusts.
ā€œIā€™m sorry,ā€ he said, repeating the phrase like a prayer.
ā€œShhhh, baby, itā€™s okay,ā€ you told him, petting his thigh. ā€œYou take what you need. Youā€™ve been so good for me. So good. You deserve it.ā€
ā€œFuck.ā€
He threw his head back against the pillow and then looked down at you. He immediately met your eyes, so soft and understanding. It made his stomach queazy.
He watched as his dick slowly was covered then revealed by your hand. It curved around him so perfectly, glistening with a mixture of lube and the pre-come he was leaking. You twisted your hand in just the right way.
You covered his cock and then revealed the head. You thumb lingered and smeared the pre-come at his tip. The point of your nail ever so gently grazed his hole and thatā€™s what did it.
The lights flickered in the room as he spasmed and came. His screen went blank as he blacked out.
A few seconds later, he came to with you by his side with a glass. You tilted his head up and cupped your hand under his lips as you forced him to drink, any water that spilled was dropped in your hand.
You grabbed a cloth and wipes at his screen.
ā€œAre you okay, baby? Was that good?ā€ you asked and he could only mutely nod. ā€œGood.ā€
You went to pull him into an embrace but stopped and looked down at your body. ā€œDo you wanna clean me up or do you want me to do it?ā€
He followed your gaze and saw his come covering your torso, a bit of it even clinging to your bra. He leaned to lick it off you. You reclined onto the thrown of pillows and let him, stroking his shoulders and arms as he did.
He licked up to your bra and then was met with the rough contrast of the lace-like fabric compared to your smooth skin. He reached around and undid the bra. You let it fall and he licked where the come had been. Then he began sucking on your breasts.
ā€œOh, fuck,ā€ this time it was you.
Spurred on, he reached down between your thighs and began stroking. You were wet, so fucking wet. His fingers slid through your folds with no hint of resistance.
He rolled your clit between two knuckles.
ā€œOh, so good for mommy,ā€ you said as you continued petting him. ā€œSo good.ā€
He whined at both the praise and the title you had given yourself.
He began stroking you with a different purpose now. He needed you to come. He looked up at you, still sucking on your tit. He needed to see it.
Your breath quickened. Your pets turned into a tight hold. It was your turn to whine as your head rolled back and your mouth lulled open.
ā€œSo good! So good for me, baby, just like that,ā€ you said right before you became incoherent. You groaned and moved up into his touch.
He went back to the tower feeling better than he could ever remember. The set youā€™d worn tucked into his pant pocket. You insisted, saying you had plenty of other sets. Who was he to refuse?
ā€œWhere the fuck have you been?ā€ Velvette asked.
ā€œOut,ā€ he said as he walked passed her, in no mood for her screeching.
ā€œFor over two hours with your location turned off? You didnā€™t even answer your fucking phone,ā€ Valentino said, voice raising to nearly as yell towards the end.
ā€œYes,ā€ Vox said as he continued walking.
He heard Valentino laugh as he must have seen the lingerie set in his back pocket. ā€œWere you really so busy fucking a hole that you couldnā€™t answer me? I hope they were good.ā€
ā€œBetter than you ever were,ā€ Vox said before he closed his bedroom door, unwilling to let his lax mood be ruined.
Aļæ¼ few months later, Vox was still going to see you. Absolutely hooked and you both knew it but so were you. You didnā€™t even made him pay but he still slipped money into your pocket or your bra so he wouldnā€™t have to face the fact that he was getting attached.
That was all thrown out the window when you released a new song. He wasnā€™t even halfway through watching the music video before he disappeared and found you, pulling you in for a bruising kiss and you knew exactly why.
The imagery in the music video was obvious. Pink smoke trying to creep into your studio only to be blocked, a deep blue body, TV screens everywhere. Then there were the lyrics:
I can give my babe affection without any type of infliction
You were just an intermission but Iā€™m the center of attention
Iā€™ve got him collared and leashed right where he needs to be
Heā€™s down on his knees begging me with please
Better than any of his fantasies
Yeah, Iā€™ve got his attention without infliction
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txttletale Ā· 11 months ago
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tbh an issue I have with wholesome gaming as a self described genre is also how much it tends to just feel like reskinned misogynistic "soft girl gamer" culture. i usually see it used most often by people quietly (or not so quietly sometimes) condemning by comparison "soulslike games" or "fighting games" or whatever as some big monolith that's just oh-so difficult and jarring for the soft wholesome gamer to wrap their cozy little mind around, and a lot of the time the way that's done feels /reaaaallly/ gendered in a way I used to see more blatantly passed around in sexist gaming circles circa 2000's. and the same types of accounts then share memes about like "tfw ur BOYFRIEND is gaming and HE says things you don't understand on his annoying GAMERBRO call and you just want to play your animal crossing!!" or "when u say ur gaming and the hubby catches you PLAYING THE SIMS LOL". like i tend to enjoy a LOT of games in the so-called cozy genre, but I also like other video game genres too, and I get really icked by the popular communities associated with the former more often than the latter. it really feels a lot like gamers who want to distance themselves from the "ew toxic bad" identity of being a gamer, while still signalling to the world that they're Cool and Like Games Too and Aren't Like Other Non Gamer Girls (or whatever gender but I can't Not see it as gendered at its core).
yknow gt i think this is really interesting. i can't think of much to add but this is a really trenchant insight imo & there absolutely is a really strong gendered element to the classification
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melrosing Ā· 4 months ago
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People when Jaime feels detached from his children who he explicitly had to be detached from or their bastardy might be discovered and cause them to be brutally murdered: šŸ™„ he doesnt care about anyone but himself
yeah i think people just like. don't want it to be complicated lol. but idk what to tell them bc it very intentionally is?? you can decide that Jaime is unforgivable in your mind but you can't insist that others see it the same way, or that GRRM intended this as a black and white issue. several things are true at once like
Jaime's automatically placed his children in grave danger by agreeing to have them in the first place. he could've just not
he repeatedly increased that danger by continuing to have reckless sex with Cersei. he could've just not
he is incapable of grieving Joffrey, a child who might not have turned out quite the way he did if Jaime had intervened in some great or small way
but also
Jaime and Cersei's relationship is not purely hedonistic - it is built upon the maladjusted relationship they've developed from birth, and the trauma on both sides that has compounded their obsessions with the other. for two people essentially trapped at court in roles they've both suffered greatly within, it is not surprising that they continue to turn to one another, even if rationally they ought to know this has potential for severe repercussions (not just for themselves but their children besides). given the context it's just not that wild to me that they do this. like why do people smoke?? why do parents smoke around their children? why do parents smoke if they have children at all, knowing the risk that their child could lose a parent to this? these are questions a smoker might ask themselves and they're good ones, but if you're caught up in a habit (especially a maladjusted one), sometimes the answer doesn't feel straightforward. like you're getting away with it now aren't you?? you're still here now??
maintaining disinterest in his children is not just a safety measure for the kids, but a safety measure for Jaime. if he lets himself care for them, then what. he's still got a lifetime to spend at their side, knowing they cannot know, and nobody can know, that they're even his. he will never have children he can claim; all he can do is watch as a man he despises call them his, a man who has claimed Cersei too, and a man Jaime is sworn to protect. Jaime, a guy who has practised 'going away inside' since he was a kid, has understandably used this technique in a big way when it comes to his children
like man he fucking tries to mourn Joffrey. he tries to tell himself he'd avenge the kid, tries to work out the truth of how he died, thinks he must be a monster if he can't summon an ounce of affection for him, is entirely self conscious about it - but what can he fucking do, Joffrey was pretty uniquely vile and had no redeeming features. there is no foundation of a positive relationship to look back on, there are no fond memories he has of the boy, Joffrey never longed to know him nor loved him as an uncle, he's just some nasty ass kid who came between he and Cersei and wanted Jaime's beloved brother dead and believed Robert his father and perhaps never gave Jaime a second look. tbh at least Jaime tries to give a shit, I don't think it's super condemnable that he doesn't quite manage
by the time Jaime has finally idk... opened his fucking eyes, he is interested in being a father. he does try to intervene with Cersei's parenting, to help and guide his son, to begin an honest relationship with them that might be the foundation of a loving one. from what we see he obviously likes Tommen, worries for him, wants him to be happy and secure. as soon as he allows himself to love this kid, he does, and obviously wants to begin a new relationship with Myrcella as well
and i don't think you even have to forgive Jaime for the former to accept the latter, but when it comes to stories i don't see why people have this pov that actions have to cancel each other out and that Jaime cannot change his relationship w fatherhood bc of how it started out. why do ppl want characters to be static so badly it's insane to me
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psychotrenny Ā· 1 year ago
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When it comes to plagiarism everyone can agree that it's a type of theft but I've noticed this fundamental disagreement when it comes to what is actually being stolen; is it the theft of labour or the theft of property? Some people talk about plagiarism in terms of the labour hours and effort it takes to produce a piece of creative work and how cruel and unfair it is for someone else to profit off that labour without fair compensation. Meanwhile other people talk about creative works as if they are some piece of brain property that belongs to whoever first managed to conjure said ideas out of the ether and bring them into this world, with plagiarism treated as if someone swiped some physical object the creator owns. The former is an essentially Proletarian way of treating creative/intellectual work while the latter is an essentially Bourgeoisie worldview.
For the record I consider the first point of view to be the far more serious and useful one and I this can be observed in the form of specific incidents that end up being discussed. Treating plagiarism as labour theft means the conversation largely focus on the important issues of the ways that people, especially marginalised ones, have their work taken and monetised without permission or remuneration by more powerful and privileged groups or individuals; it focuses on the real material issues of people's livelihoods and fits into a broader framework of social analysis. Meanwhile reifying the concept of private intellectual property, granted by some innate genius or higher power, removes all this material context is just as likely to get you dragged into petty arguments about how someone's OC got totally ripped off by another random person because they drew a character with the same eye colour and like a vaguely comparable haircut. Like I think it's pretty obvious which lens should be used if we actually want to get anywhere with all this
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a-twistedheartslonging Ā· 7 months ago
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Could I ask for courting/relationship headcanons for my pathetic boy Idia in your AU?
Sorry, this took a while.
Man, poor OG Idia already has it hard as a cursed human, he's not the type to make the first move, even with his brother providing him with all the evidence and statistics showing him that you would accept his feelings.
But now we're adding him being a big spider with those courting and mating instincts that conflict with the guy's other anxiety-driven instincts telling him to avoid it all and that everything would go wrong and that you would tell him ā€œEw no, you're a gross spider thatā€™s blue all over.ā€ and then poke him with a stick.
Most spiders tend to be solitary creatures, they don't live in groups and only come together when it's time to find a mate. It doesn't happen all the time but itā€™s common for the males to get eaten after mating or even before they have the chance to when their advances are rejected. Now that is for regular spiders but there might be a chance of it if you go up to the wrong person and these guys still have those instincts telling them to be warry thanks to their ancestors. People always say ā€œThe worst that can happen is they say no.ā€ But really there's the chance they might say ā€œEw noā€ which is way worse. Or the extra way way worse when you are a spider cuz your crush might get freaking aggressive with you and take a bite out of you. You being a little human def ease his worry about the latter, but not the former.
It's later after you guys start to hang out that he starts to be a snarky little shit, who knew such an anxious guy could have so much sass. Heā€™s a weird combination of having issues with self-loathing while also having a big ego. It's one of those times where he starts mouthing off that you do actually try to bite him, he was legit scared for a sec but once he saw those little teeth of yours couldnā€™t even make a scratch on the exoskeleton on his arm, he gets super freaking smug, and now heā€™s even more of a shit when teasing you.
With Idia romantic feelings will develop slowly over time after becoming friends though. It's def a new feeling for him, he gives me demi-ace vibes and I think this would be the first time he had this kind of interest in a real person, it was always fictional characters before.
But also I feel like with him it could turn into him thinking these fillings are just how it feels when you have a best friend since heā€™s only had his brother for all those years and you're the first person outside of his family that he felt this comfortable around and when he actually does these courting behaviors its subconscious and his instincts are kicking in and his brother is actually the one to point it out.
The male of the orb weaver family (Araneidae) and some others court by rhythmically plucking the threads of a web. After the female approaches, he pats and strokes her before mating. I head canon that not only is he able to create webs but they are cool and glowy and he makes a cool hammock for you to chill in sometimes or even hang out with him on one he made for himselfā€¦and then without thinking when you're leaning against him and enjoying the soft blue floof of his legs he gives you a few gentle pats and baps with spider paw and Ortho lets out a gasp and startles him. Oh, he gets so embarrassed once Ortho starts asking him about how long heā€™s been courting you and how heā€™s so proud that he made the first move despite his anxiety. Hopefully, he does his questioning after you're out of the room.
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(Oh, to be patted by one of his cute spooder paws.)
Or perhapsā€¦he pulls a male wolf spider and ends up doing that purr after you say or do something that hits him in those feelings and oh boy, he is so embarrassed when he realizes he did it thanks to your excited reaction to hearing it. Though it hurts his ego a bit when you squeal about how cute it isā€¦I meanā€¦even if he didn't mean to do it, it was supposed to be sexyā€¦still with spiders if you're rejected you either get ignored or attackedā€¦even though he knows better, the inhuman part of his brain is telling him your positive reaction is a ā€œyesā€ to getting with him which lends to him actually considering that this might actually work out and that Ortho is right.Ā 
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(Tbh I don't get why the video says it's creepy, it kind of sounds like bird sounds to me.)
Silk-wrapped gifts and offerings, expect snacks and games. Though admittedly heā€™s going to give you ones that he wants you to play with him. Beating a boss in co-op counts as a dateā€¦right? Right. Best believe heā€™s gonna be getting you hard-to-get items in game, armor, and whatever else. Itā€™s easy to forget his rich until he gets you some decked-out gaming computer or that handheld you wanted, all wrapped in glowing blue silk of course. Actually, driders giving gifts made of their silk is very much a thing they do but Idia mostly does small simple things, expect to get really cool bracelets and hair ties infused with his scent. He gets so happy and so smug if he sees you wearing them.
I found out recently that another thing some males will do is do sort of a silk-involved message, though I think that is another thing he would do after you guys start dating and not before to...get you in the mood.
The massaging motions of the spider are officially called mate binding. Basically, the male massages the female, so that she'll allow him to mate with her, without killing him before he gets the chance. The male spider releases silk over the back of the female as he massages her. The same study also suggested that it was the feeling of the massage that soothed the female, and not the smell of the silk as some scientists suggested.
NSFW: I just found out that Darwinā€™s bark spiders figured out they're less likely to get eaten by ladies if they do oral. Do with that info what you may.
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fortheloveofpiggy Ā· 4 months ago
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TW this is a rant about proship and comship! Tags will have more in-depth trigger warnings
Edit: OMG PROSHIPPERS STOP MAKING THIS POST ABOUT DEFENDING IF SHIPPING CHILD X ADULT OR INCEST IS OKAY OR NOT THE POST IS ABOUT THE LABLE I DONT WANT TO ARGUE WITH YALL ABOUT THAT ANYMORE.
This is my one post where all people on all sides of the proship debate can interact. Including proshippers. If that makes you uncomfortable then donā€™t interact. I hate echo chambers and I want to hear all sides.
Also sorry for cross tagging just want the opinions from all sides
Actual post:
I hate the terms proship, neutral ship, and antiship. Theyā€™re all extremes and I hate them. From what I understand the meanings are
Proship: support all ships no matter what even if theyā€™re comships
Neutral ship: doesnā€™t have an opinion at all
Antiship: is anti any comship which is outrageous
If yā€™all donā€™t know comship just means complex ship or they enjoy more morally grey or imperfect ships. This can include things like human X different intelligent species (like aliens, furries, monsters) which most rational people donā€™t think is bad. But this can also mean kid X adult, family x family, or victim X abuser
I actually donā€™t identify as pro, neu, or anti because I think some comships are good and healthy. I think morally grey ships are important in media when done correctly. Especially since a lot of relationships are rocky and not always healthy and itā€™s good to show that in media. My own ocs personally arenā€™t in a perfectly healthy relationship because of their own issues. But this should be done respectfully and with care. Abuse shouldnā€™t be romanticized but people can be romantic outside of the abuse going on just like in real life relationships
But in a pedophilic fan fiction or art or an incest fanfic or art there is no such thing as a loving part of it. The relationship in itself is abuse because a minor being with a child is abuse and family members being together is abuse. Itā€™s not healthy for anyone involved to romanticize relationships like that and frankly can effect reality no matter how you spin it because itā€™s representing something as normal to kids.
Right now a lot of neutrals, antis, and probably a lot of pro shippers are agreeing but thatā€™s where my point really starts
The term ā€œproshipā€ and ā€œanti shipā€ are too vague. If you say youā€™re proship you sound like you defend media where children are harmed. I understand the meaning is being proshipping and minding your business but thatā€™s still what you look like and frankly thatā€™s what the term does. If youā€™re pro everything then that means youā€™re pro the harmful stuff too
And the term ā€œantishipā€ suggest that youā€™re anti shipping in general or anti any complex ship which is also unhealthy for us all because morally grey topics need brought up. Antis also are very very commonly okay with harassment when it comes to proshippers
And neutral ship is basically just saying you donā€™t have a opinion at all which is harmful because youā€™re suggesting youā€™re okay with the harm done on both sides. And I understand some people who are neutral ship agree with me and donā€™t just not care but I feel like majority is the former not the latter (based on what Iā€™ve seen)
Also disclaimer if youā€™re neutral because of mental health or because you have better things to deal with thatā€™s valid but identifying as neutral ship does put you in it and i instead suggest staying out of it entirely
So idk maybe we should make a term for the middle. I had a few ideas maybe something like middleship or intentship (intentship meaning enjoying or allowing all ships as long as the intentions are good and are not to romanticize trauma or abuse)
Idk everyone can share their opinions but if I see another proshipper say fiction doesnā€™t effect reality Iā€™m gonna scream and if I see another anti shipper call all morally grey ships bad as if they done killed their grandma Iā€™ll go insane
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