#I think for the universal feelings of teenagehood

[spillingskies]

watching derry girls, having never existed in the 90s nor stepped foot in Ireland ever: wow this reminds me of the good ol’ days

[justalittlelilac]

Okay, okay, I literally just read this post from @mycurrentobsessionis that you can also read here about themes of patience and unconditional acceptance in olba and olnf. It's honestly such an interesting thing to point out. To go even further with themes we can even relate it to the seasons that the games take place.

Summer: It almost feels unending when you're in it. Stagnant heat, day in and day out. At a certain point, the easy, balmy days of summer feel like they'll never end. In olba's case, and especially Cove's, it's pressed upon how much we can worry about things changing, even if they haven't yet.

We don't want summer to come to a close, our relationships to shift, to move away and to grow up. We don't want things to end.

And in summer, as a child, you can almost pretend you're in a limbo where time doesn't move as fast until, without realizing it, it's the night before school starts. Change always comes.

It's actually quite existential if you want to think deeper about it.

Fall: It is the thesis of change. The changing leaves, colder weather, and the inevitable end of long summer days represent the embrace of change. It is a period of slowing down, of things ending. We begin the game as a 10 y/o, on the cusp of it. Right as we begin to see childhood truly end and march into teenagehood. I think this might have been a deliberate choice.

Change is here, and as we go into Step 2 we are shown through fall that change is inevitable. That our friends and even ourselves change, and there's really nothing to be done about it because we didn't realize it was happening until it was too late.

Both games deal with the theme of change and acceptance of it but present it in different ways. Summer is before the change and learning to anticipate it. Prepare for it. Accept it.

Fall is during the change and likely learning how to understand and grow from it. The understanding that things end and change in ways, but it's not all bad.

As the stoic philosopher, Markus Aurelius, wrote, "the universe is change; our life is what our thoughts make of it."

Because after a brief hibernation of winter, comes spring and something new.

[marshmallowprotection]

Hey, I've recently discovered your blog and I've been binge reading almost all of your writing lol. I love them and I honestly admire your dedication and love for MysMe, thank you so much for all your writing! Though I hope you aren't pushing yourself or anything 😭💗 I'm wondering if you have any HCs of Jumin and V during their childhood/teenagehood?

Jumin and Jihyun recount many events throughout their childhoods now and again, and sometimes I find myself laughing because there's things you don't expect them to say. Like, when they were both in the church choir and had a singing contest between one another! They're poking fun at each other because of it, and it reminds me that they're childhood friends without a doubt and even though there's a lot we're unable to see, they've always been there for each other to see this or that.

Sometimes, I like to think about Jihyun and Jumin doing homework together! It wasn't easy to do it when they were in elementary school because their families likely had them with tutors and in cram classes most, if not all of the time, on school days. But, as teenagers, I like to think Jihyun is glaring at his art history homework while shoveling his tiramisu down, and Jumin sipping tea, casually tearing through much of his calculus homework.

You'd think they would talk while they work, but that's not always the case. They enjoy each other's company, and if you actually hear those two talking, it's because Jihyun couldn't handle the way the way all of his books phrased the wrong information about something, and that presses Jumin to discuss why he thinks the information is wrong and why incorrect information would be published.

Those two could be talking for hours while continuing their work, but if you get them talking about something, they're never going to shut up. Which, is good, I don't want either of them to feel like they aren't allowed to talk at length when they feel comfortable with someone else.

But, that does lend itself to their life later on, when you hear about how casually they speak to each other when they have an evening purposefully set aside for drinks. Rika used to tell them to go to bed because they would spend hours discussing the universe and then not only would they wake up with a hangover, they wouldn't get to bed until sunrise.

The good thing about their friendship is that they find a sense of kinship in each other. Those two have the tendency to hold back unless they're with each other or their respected MC. I don't know why they feel like they have to hold back when it comes to their passion and enjoying the fine art of having communication be of language... but it's nice to see open up. Jumin and Jihyun are the type of people I would love to talk to for hours because so much of their friendship is built on the fact that they've always been able to talk to each other about anything.

That's why it hurts so much when Jihyun stops confiding in Jumin, after all.

Here's a light-hearted theory before I tell you the most painful thing I can imagine, Jihyun would drive Jumin around in his little toy car after the accident because Jumin was never allowed to drive his car again after he snuck onto the Kim property and smacked his car into the wall. That’s okay, though, Jihyun loves the wind in his hair and Jumin prefers to be a navigator. 

After the house fire, Jumin is the only one who visits Jihyun regularly. Mr. Kim doesn't bother to visit his son that often, sure, he's there if he HAS to be, but outside of that, he doesn't visit. Jihyun is in pain, he's experiencing the agony of loss after his mother sacrificed her life for his. He wishes he listened to Jumin earlier, he wishes he tried to a lot harder to listen to his Mother and do the right thing, and he wishes... the darkest thought of all, that his mother was still alive instead.

He's hurting, and that hurt silenced the once pretentious teenager who was ready to fight his professors about the meaning of modern art.

He becomes a shell of himself. He doesn't talk to people, he doesn't want to be around people, and it doesn't seem to matter how much people try to take his mind off of things, nothing makes it better. He is in so much pain all the time and it doesn't seem like the painkillers are going to make it any better.

I have always run with the assumption that his back is covered in burn scars and that's one of the reasons why he refuses to wear any clothes that reveal his body. The burns hurt a lot, and no amount of money can heal him, because it really doesn't matter if you have all the money in the world— you are not immune from death and injury. 

That being said, there's only one person who comes to visit him every day, one person who always wants to talk to him even if he's not in the mood, and one person who has always promised to be by his side no matter what's going on. It’s Jumin Han. Jumin reads to him when he visits, he tells him about what he's learned that day, he tells him a lot... anything he could think of to help. Jumin isn't the best at being comforting, he always judges if what he's saying is right, but he can't do nothing when Jihyun needs him.

I sincerely think one of the reasons why V was able to get through the brunt of his Hospital stay has to do with the fact Jumin was there for him. Jumin refused to let his best friend be alone. He was the one who told Jihyun to make things right with his mother, and he knows that no matter how difficult things were in the end, that woman was everything to Jihyun. His Mother was a kind woman, and she loved her son more than anything... enough to give her life for his. That's a sacrifice Jumin understands on some level.

It's the kind of familial love he's always read about in books because he isn't getting love at home.

Not that you should be willing to throw your life on the line at every corner for your loved one, but there is something to be said about the willingness to jump in the line of fire to protect somebody you care about in the heat of the moment. I don't know if the two ever communicated with each other about this at length, in fact, I have a feeling they didn't, but—I do believe Jumin had it in his heart that he needed to be there for Jihyun because that’s what his mother would’ve wanted.

She didn’t want her son to be alone. 

He is a family-oriented person, and I know he always tries to see the best in someone's family, including his, even if it's not easy. He is the one who tries to reach out to Mr. Kim... even as they're adults. Jumin can't help but want better for V's family. It's just like how he wants his family to be better as well.

But, I know that no amount of Jumin talking to Mr. Kim would make him visit his son more… and Jumin did what he could for his friend back then.

I've always had this mental image of V laying face down in his hospital bed and Jumin sitting by his bedside, reading a book to him as the soft hum of cicadas and heart monitor beats linger between them. It's not perfect, not by any means, but they're together and that counts.

[harlequinoccult]

hey there, this isn't rlly an ask as it is a ramble so uuh feel free to ignore it!

i usually play IFs by picking an oc of mine and deciding to put them into Situations. i have like 3 ocs that basically were born by me constantly playing IFs a certain way. the reason im saying this is bc while stalking browsing your tumblr, i realized smth i found quite amusing, which is that OD has a very similar backstory/traumas to one of my ocs, except both of them ended up w pretty much opposite personalities-

im gonna call my oc by his alias to make things fair, so Vulpine it is (he has a whole thing w foxes its not important). Vulpine also usually grows up without parents or any family really, basically raises himself as a street rat, has one HELL of a teenagehood, gets arrested at LEAST once, basically becomes an alcoholic from ages 14-20, has religious trauma that makes him question his worldview and changes his beliefs completely, is an aggressively stubborn motherfucker... but as he grows up he kind of "mellows out", in a way.

in slsq terms, ig his personality would mainly be apathetic with caustic (is that the name for the aggressive personality type?) tendencies. but mostly he's just sighing and trying to get on with this without dying. he stops drinking and using drugs completely in his adult years, mostly due to his never ending paranoia (he cant defend himself well enough if he's inebriated, and he learned that from experience). becomes much more patient as a person, much more set on his boundaries, and ultimately more of a "functional member of society". he's a bit of a cleaning freak, knows abt 8+ languages just bc he likes studying, is a MASSIVE fucking nerd who would live in university if he could. he probably was working on getting a doctorate or smth when Carter came along and just fucking ruined his life

on the surface, Vulpine and OD have... p much nothing in common. one of them is a stoic bitch with a dry sarcastic humor and a voice so deadpan you can barely tell what emotion he's feeling unless he gets truly angry (which is a surprisingly hard thing to accomplish), and OD is... well. it's OD.

but i do feel like there's some sorta kinship there, past their obvious differences. Vulpine is no stranger to extreme trauma and the habits someone would develop to try and overcome it in some way. he's no stranger to being shackled for most of your life and fighting so hard to get rid of those chains you end up changing yourself almost completely. he wouldn't try to "fix" OD bc he knows that's not how this works, but... he'll try his damn best to at least give them some stability. make sure they eat well every day. make sure they sleep on a proper bed and not just on a mattress on the floor.

the kind of absolute devotion and loyalty Vulpine can develop for someone... i can't wait to pair him up w OD and see what happens, ngl, i think their dynamic would end up being so interesting and change quite a bit the more they know eachother (from being mutually annoyed at eachother's existence to... something else)

i had no one else to ramble abt this, and tbh i could talk abt Vulpine forever so ill cut it out here! thanks for reading this if you do, i am so hooked in this IF already its ridiculous. i hope you're having a good day/night!

Never apologize for rambles!! I LOVE hearing about peoples MCs/OCs!!!

[queer-reader-07]

pieces of my soul i can't reject

love letters, prayers, diary entries, maybe all of the above. for the little girl i used to be <3

I’ve been thinking about this post a lot lately. How it really, truly, and deeply conveys the way I conceptualize the younger version of myself. The version of myself that didn’t know we were genderqueer.

I think about her a lot, that little girl I used to be. She was strong and bright and brave. Her girlhood was so intrinsic to her. But she’s not me anymore. I laid her down in a grave I dug a while ago so she could rest. She didn’t get that— rest— when she was here, but she has it now. One day, I’ll rest with her. I’ll wrap my arms around her and hold her close like I was always meant to; even if it can only be in death and never in life.

It’s weird, sometimes, to think about who I used to be. I look at photos of that little girl I was and I don’t see myself. But I feel her within me, in the dreams I can’t dare to give up on because that would be a betrayal. I still have her memories. I was her but she isn’t me and isn’t that all a bit contradictory?

I could talk about my past self with they/them pronouns if I wanted to, other people do it all the damn time, but I won’t. I won’t do it because she was a girl to her core and I can’t bring myself to take that from her. She hurt so much when she was here, she faced things that no kid should have to face (the catholic church really will do a number on you). And I cannot imagine hurting her more by denying her existence.

I didn't grow into a woman But I grew up as a girl

Teenagehood provoked me and soon, womanhood choked me But sisterhood held me with care

~ Girl by Cammi McDermott

To me, there is something sweet and gentle and tender in acknowledging my past self’s existence while also recognizing that she is not me anymore. There is something gentle and tender in caring about my past self, in loving my past self.

I wonder, sometimes, if in a different life she wasn’t a part of me. Maybe in some other universe she’s a girl I get to hold close to me while we’re both alive. Maybe in another timeline I get to tuck her into bed and shroud her in the softness she deserved but didn’t always get. Because wouldn’t that be lovely?

I love her, that little girl I used to be. I’m not her anymore, but I hope that somewhere in the ether she can hear me telling her, “I love you, I’m proud of you, I remember you. I will always remember you.”

[bigahhhhhhhh]

One thing that I would like to clarify is that I think people don't realize that the weird one in the relationship once again is not Leonard... Is Suyalis... Girl spend her whole life just being the princess and that gave her massive problems in her emotional development... Until her 19 years she was just a puppet of her parents and kingdom basically... Living just for others but herself, after being kidnapped she finally experienced things like friendship, love, happiness, and freedom... Suya saw sides of herself that she didn't even know it was possible...

Also, one thing that I like to clarify is she is basically enjoying the childhood the teenagehood and everything that we have experience over the years in these years she is in the castle... We gotta remember that things like empathy, emotional maturity etc are things you learn through your interactions with people... Suya NEVER interacted with anyone or anything outside of the royal family and royal stuff... She was basically a spoiled brat with zero understanding of the outside world, basically not that much different from characters like Malleus Draconia if he wasn't raised well by Lillia, or a Stolas, or an Azula... All of these that have horrible understandings of the world around them due to the way they were raised and stuff like that... That being said...

Suya basically flirts like a teenager, and that's really hilarious, like she has no idea what she is doing but she does it anyways because she wants to get the attention the guy she likes and if he pays attention to her weird actions it's worth it. Like she spends an entire chapter smelling his cushion of the sofa aksksksks. Just beautiful. Also I feel that people despise Leo too due to the priest's clothing or something like that??? Him being a dad?? Since it's not that very common for characters like him that are on the sidelines to be you know... The love interest too??? Though like if you guys find this bad I recommend getting away from shojo and modern josei as a whole since there are a lot of WAYYY worse and out of pocket leads out there... Like I have seen women say they find the snake man in Mia and Me attractive, alongside characters like Kovu, etc.. And men, especially straight men, say that women only care about looks... Like... This shows more about you than the girls themselves do better lol.

She is basically a 20 year old something teenager and I am living for it akskks. This also proves how out of pocket and weird it would be if adults flirted like that in public aksmks. Honestly LeoSuya is the closest we will ever get to an anime equivalent of Gomes and Morticia Addams and that makes me both happy and pissed because they get a lot of unnecessary hate and also like it wasn't adapted in the anime... Love them.

Like look at this... It's basically a teenager... She just turns into a clueless 13 old girl when she is close to this man like sakksksks my god. I guess that's universal when you like someone THAT bad.

Also him kicking her out like you would a dog aksksksks. Bro akdkskdmsk.

[artcosmique]

I should definitely sleep Its being two hours that we are not today anymore

But i finished my drawing

And for those who ask why i Drew this, the story is actually interesting this Time.

Thursday, i Will see the mangaka of this Masterpiece ‘Radiant’ for real (Im very nervous i think i might cry from happiness and too Much feelings when i’ll see him-)

And…..this man, Tony Valente…..He just made my childhood and my teenagehood (idk if Its called like that it made sense in my head) I read his mangas often, really often, i have the artbook, i have old fanart of his illustrations (i made them when i was 12 haha they are ugly asf)

My favorite oc is based on this guys i was simping for :

(He deserve)

Its very very special, the manga have weird french humor, a lot of cool charadesign, original plot twist, lgbt characters, autistic characters (not stereotipycal and not defined by these specificity)

Its <3

I really love Radiant. The Universe. The author.

It brought me soo Much and i Will probably make another fanart before Thursday

[frogsndogs]

So I recently rewatched Scooby Doo Stage Fright and I have some thoughts. 

Now, I really enjoy this movie and consider it one of my absolute favourites! The first phantom? Amazing and weird but in a way that fits. All the contestants? Keeps everyone guessing. The “no dogs” rule that makes it a struggle for Scooby to get into the opera house? Hilarious. (Especially the old man bit)

But I’m not a really big fan of iterations of the franchise where Daphne is obsessed with Fred to the point that it’s her only character trait. And you might say that her love of Fred wasn’t her biggest motivator in the movie, but throughout the movie she makes it clear she only wants to win so that she can work up the courage to tell Fred how she feels. 

But she had one line really stood out to me, that didn’t have to do with her crush on Fred:

“Why do monsters keep showing up wherever we go? Is it something about us?”

There is a lot going on in this line. 

First there’s the sentence itself- what it points out. It is an in-universe acknowledgement that monsters go wherever they do. A couple series have done this, even Shaggy did it in the first part of the movie, saying “When do we go to a place that’s not haunted?” But what makes this different is that it isn’t trying to be meta and it isn’t sarcastic. It’s scared, and vulnerable. This sounds like a teenager who is trapped in this strange cycle with no real end in sight. Who’s not sure if she’s the problem.

In many different iterations of the gang what stands out is that they’re the outsiders. The weirdos. Daphne’s family history especially in some iterations makes it clear that she was pressured to conform to something that her parents wanted, something that society wanted. This seems like a line from someone who thinks that there is something wrong with them. Who hasn’t reached Be Cool Daphne’s comfort level with her weirdness.

So I think that the movie would be better if instead of Daphne having an obsession over Fred, she is worrying over why ghosts keep popping up wherever they go. And there’s a couple points in this movie where this would fit well.

First: All the other contestants. Are considered weird. What if Velma said that “A lemon-scented ghost would fit right in with this crowd” and Daphne lowers her head and says “Yeah” softly. Because she is part of this crowd. Talent Star seemed to have attracted a whole bunch of weird people, whose to say that this isn’t bringing up Daphne’s feelings of being different all over again? Like if you won a contest and all the other people who won were batshit crazy wouldn’t you doubt yourself? Just a little bit? Especially if you were a young girl who’s always been told she’s batshit crazy?

Then when Daphne wakes up at night crying? What if she wakes up crying because everything feels wrong? Because she feels wrong? Teenagehood is a time with lots of change and lots of transitions and lots of doubts. So she wakes up crying because she has a lot of existential questions about her life. 

And then the whole 5 different phantoms thing is obviously not helping. Just when Daphne thinks they’re done and can move on with normal teenager activities another phantom shows up to ruin everything all over again. This further reinforces the cycle that has been plaguing Daphne for who-knows how long at this point.

But then I think that this movie also presents the perfect opportunity for Daphne to realize that being weird isn’t necessarily a bad thing. Take Steve (the first phantom) for example. There is no way to deny that this guy is weird. He grew up in a sewer, has no idea how mirrors work, he is generally strange. But he’s also selfless. He’s ashamed of the hurt he caused in the past (but even then the worst he did was destroy the disco ball - no one actually got physically hurt), he saves Fred by attacking another one of the phantoms, when Brick gets arrested and no one knows what to do he steps up and takes charge. 

I would like to see a convo between the two of them - maybe Steve notices that Daphne’s feeling down about everything and approaches her, asking what’s wrong. Maybe all this pressure that’s been building up throughout the movie finally breaks and she confesses everything that’s been on her mind. And Steve listens. And he understands what it’s like to be weird, and maybe we could get a bit of backstory on him (why there is a random guy living in the sewer will forever haunt my every waking moment) and it could all boil down to yeah, I was weird like you but unlike you I was alone. Because maybe that’s what it takes for Daphne to stop being so caught up in her own weirdness but see every else’s as well. We have Fred who sleeps with a net, Shaggy who can eat a giant pizza like its nothing, Velma who is interested in stuff that isn’t very mainstream like the soap diamond, Scooby who talks.  

And this doesn’t change the fact that they are her best friends, her family. That throughout the movie they have been there for her and supported her and Fred on this wild ride. And same goes for every mystery. And the fact that they’re weird? Makes them stronger in the face of these mysteries. Fred’s net saves Shaggy and Scooby’s lives (that dude was running around with a butcher’s knife - he should def be locked up for attempted murder). Velma’s love of the niche comes in handy when stopping Dewey. Scooby and Shaggy sneaking into the opera house reveals that Dewey is the 4th phantom. 

So maybe this convo really helps Daphne gain confidence to go on stage and sing her heart out. Then they have the whole chase with Dewey and they give up the contest for Emma and all that. And then, the final nail in the coffin that makes Daphne come into her own weirdness. Brick. 

Brick, who is by far the most “normal” person around. Sure, he says “Fantastic” a lot, but that’s not a guy who pulls an egg out instead of a card or a goth band that was a country act up until a few weeks ago, with 3/4 of them being honestly surly and the the other one being so cheerful. Earlier in the film Daphne says that she really admires Brick, and in this version maybe that could mean that maybe in this whirlwind of weirdness she admires how he’s so… normal. But then at the end of the film comes his confession - that he’s surrounded by all these talented people makes him feel suffocated. He feels pathetic. And Daphne then realizes that yeah - all the other contestants were weird, all her friends are weird, but that’s what made them talented. Thats what makes them so amazing. 

In the end, the movie ends with Daphne coming to terms with her weirdness - and maybe starting Be Cool Daphne’s list of everything she wants to do. In the end she comes to terms with the fact that monsters tend to follow them around, but as long as she’s got her weird friends she’s gonna be okay.

[aita-blorbos]

Am I the A for blowing my mothers head up?

(cw: child abuse/ neglect. canon peppered with headcanons. emoji: 9️⃣)

This is my first time posting something online so sorry if I mess anything up. Will be trying to remain anonymous because of the submission rules but i don't think it would matter considering this was broadcasted live on telly in recent memory.

I (Not sure what my age is exactly. Something between 18-21. And I am female.) have been "experimented with" (See: abused) by my parents for as long as I remember. My mother (M, was nearly 70) worked as a clinical trail manager and has been conducting transhumanist related experiments for years in secrecy. This included expanding the lifetime of my great-grandmother (R, 120). Of course, when she had me, she immediately began work. I've developed what can be succinctly called "psychic" and "telekinetic" abilities. I can read minds, influence other's thoughts, and move small objects without physically touching them. How I am able to do this I do not know- but I do not doubt that my brain has been tampered with. My memory is also thin and I am easily overwhelmed by certain environments or situations. I feel very on edge if something our of the ordinary happens.

My mother kept me in the basement for my entire childhood and teenagehood. I had a bed and some amenities, but the rest of the room was dedicated to trail and fMRI equipment. I was measured daily- physical traits, MRI, telekinetic abilities, psychic link with my mother. Stimulatory and similar studies were called "games" and "puzzles" until I was old enough to recognise what they actually were for. When I reached my 10th birthday I got to go outside for the first time. I was always told how dangerous everyone else was, and how superior I was to them. I was taught to read and write some time during my mid teens, however retaining knowledge seems pretty trivial to me. I started taking online university courses related to applied neuroscience at around 16. It seemed the only thing appropriate.

And my father always agreed with my mother no matter what. He was always pretty soft and absent. I wouldn't be surprised if she made him more dopey and submissive.

My mother started to receive less funding and needed to make more money- likely because her participant was no longer blind and the experiment no longer reliable. My mother applied to various quiz shows and similar (she always enjoyed her trivia) and we got a spot from a new BBC2 programme called 3by3. It was simple- use my ability to cheat the answers and slow other contestants down, then steal money from the BBC.

The quiz show itself was terrifying. I felt so out of place. Standing in the green screen studio with the loud bright lights was already agony, but I also had my mother screaming at me telepathically. Very few of the questions made sense to me, but I gave correct answers regardless. The presenter was very nice and just doing his job trying to make small talk with me (I think his name was Lee Mack???) but I had no idea what to say, and my mother would berate me regardless. I said things that apparently sounded suspicious to the public several times. It was embarrassing, I felt so trapped. I always have been.

By the time we reached the final round, I had had enough. I knew my mother had been abusing me for years at this point. I was sick of not having my body or thoughts to myself, and sick of her being able to get away with everything. Every time she made a snide comment about me I was more sure of what I was going to do. My mother was put into a box for the final round and I immediately had an idea.

The presenter asked us what we would do with the jackpot. I responded that I would love to see the world. Go travelling. My mother responded that she would love to dig out the basement, as a nice gift to me. That was the final straw. I told my mother "Fuck you" and failed the last question. The presenter began closing the show and I slammed the door of the box my mother was in shut. She screamed and threatened me. Then I blew her brains out.

It's been a year or so since this happened and I am doing fine learning to be a person in another country under a different name. I know my father was arrested and that my mother's company was shut down immediately but nothing beyond that. I know that murdering a human being is bad, however, she had it coming.

Thanks for reading.

[liquorisce]

hello!

i’m sick as a dog which means i’m in bed writing about teenagehood and insecurity (boy next door 🙄 it’s so dramatic), instead of working. here is a snippet:

i feel as if i’ve been writing the same thing over and over: growing up and wanting sex and being embarrassed about it, longing for something yet being simultaneously ashamed by it. it feels to me like a universal coming of age experience: navigating the embarrassing nature of sexual desire. (unless ur a person who doesn’t experience sexual desire, ofc). perhaps bc none of my explorations of this theme have felt complete until now, i’m still at it. i do think, for the first time ever, i have some grasp over how to communicate what i want to communicate. and that feels thrilling.

anyway: ty guys for the nice comments and encouragement i really appreciate it!!

[cryptidko]

There's an eclipse happening right now, and even if i won't be able to see it to completion it's already made my day so much better, I was gonna say "it's the small things" but it's pretty much not a small thing lmao.

Oh, in days like this I just remember how utterly in love I am with space, with stars and planets, I am no expert by any means, I'm sure any other autistic person who likes space could quickly outperform me in terms of knowing about it, but I don't care, I just, feel happy that I get to share this moment and time with everything else, and one day I will study the stars.

It's not a hopeful wish, I will do it.

I still remember so clearly the solar eclipse that happened for my 13th birthday, my first step into teenagehood forever marked by the event.

I'm sure a lot of other people were also having a birthday under the eclipse, even more being born that day as well, but in that moment, I didn't feel special no, I felt like the universe itself looked right back at me, it looked at itself, because as someone who lives and thinks, you're human, you're a physical thing, you are too, part of the universe.

And in my small 13 year old brain, as I saw it's totality, I just knew it was my calling. Something something the universe said I love you, I don't know.

But since then, no other career or choice for study has made sense, I have to study the stars, it wasn't ever my choice, it was not for me to decide, it's like it was written in my very biological code the moment I was conceived.

To think my deadname hinted to the stars even, to light...

I'm not special by any means, I won't ever be, in the infinte vastness of space everyone alive is but a speck of nothing in it, not even a molecule of dust compared to it's sheer size... I feel like anyone else could be more passionate than me and achieve great things by my age already.

I'm not special, but no one is, everyone is different in some way, so a deviation from the norm is not something rare, it's expected (at least in how my brain sees things.)

I don't have a purpose to this rant.

I just really love the stars man, i think I fell in love with existence itself, and I'm not even mad.

(meme that will only make sense to me and a very close set of friends lol)

[lyta-roca]

I have several ideas for different fics about soul mates. But one of them is about Daimoniums.

To be more specific, this will be a different universe with the premise of the His Dark Materials series of books and series, which is:

- Daimoniums are animal-shaped manifestations of their human’s inner persona

- children’s daimoniums don’t have a fixed form, they can shape-shift at will

- “settling” happens when your daimonium takes their final form during your teenagehood

- touching another person’s daimonium is usually a no go if you’re not lovers

- interactions between daimonium and a human that isn’t “their own” are rare

- interactions between daimonium are usual

- daimoniums are usually of the opposite sex to their humans

- daimoniums can only stay a few meters away from their humans. The pulling is painful and can lead to death

- daimoniums have their own heartbeats and fade into nothingness when they die

- if your dæmon dies, you die, the same if it is the other way around

- your parents’ daimoniums usually name your own daimonium

Although for this fic a slight change will be made which will be this:

- your daimonium is the manifestation of the inner self of your soul mate

As the bond of a human and their Daimonium is special, when they meet their other half it is something that both feel instantly.

So, with this premise I would like to know your opinions about the Daimoniums that will represent our protagonists.

In itself, the main couple will be Bowuigi but there will also be some other interaction from Peachrio.

Peach.

Dingo.

As I mentioned, this would be the representation of Mario's inner self.

I chose a dingo to represent Mario because Dingo, regardless of whether they are dogs or wolves (there are still scientific doubts about that), are very fast and agile, and just like a canine, they watch over the safety of their pack. Just like Mario protecting his loved ones, and goes so far as to try everything to make sure of that.

So in this case and following the premise of the film, Peach would arrive at the mushroom kingdom just as they showed us, but with the difference that this time she would be accompanied. At first it would be difficult for the Toads to get close to Peach because the little Dingo would make them recoil every time they try to touch her.

Coming a bit to the events of the movie, I plan on showing a bit about the Toads' interactions with the Dingo.

That if, as Peach came into this world very young, both she and her Daimonium do not know why they have that connection but they do know that it is something special.

Mario.

Swan.

I think a Swan is a good representation for Peach for two reasons.

The first more than anything is because swans are almost everywhere synonymous with beauty, elegance, love and fidelity. Second is because the swans defend their young and nests with everything, in this case as Peach takes care of her kingdom and her people.

Just as Mario has seen to Luigi's well-being since they were children, so would his Daimonium. Just like when Mario feels down because of family pressure about employment, his daemon would be there to cheer him up.

With his first encounter with the princess, I imagine that like Peach, her Dingo would act defensively because he would believe that they are in danger, only for after having left them lying on the ground, they both notice a slight change in the environment, something much warmer.

Mario and his Daimonium would feel the same way but unlike Peach and the Dingo, they would know what it means.

Luigi

With this one I certainly had difficulties:

Ocelot.

I know Bowser is a reptile, but I like the idea that his inner self is more like a cat. The Ocelot is a territorial animal and they tend to make ambushes. I have also seen many fanarts and read many fics that make Bowser purr and have some feline aptitudes, and the truth is that I love his cat version of Super Mario 3D World. So I imagine that Luigi's Daimonium would always be defending him, having a more extroverted attitude compared to Luigi, which would also cause him problems because we know that there is never a lack of mockery.

His first meeting with Bowser would be somewhat awkward and somewhat terrifying on the part of Luigi.

Well, now I'm going to explain a little what I want to do with Luigi and Bowser. So watch out for a few spoilers for the books and the His Dark Materials series.

Knowing that the human world and the world where Bowser and Peach live are not the same, I am going to take it as what are different dimensions

That is why neither the Toads nor Peach knew why she and the Dingo had that bond, because in this dimension there are no Daimoniums. So Bowser doesn't have one.

In their first meeting, Luigi's Daimonium tries to stay with him all the time as comfort and to protect him, at some point Bowser would order his subjects to separate them but both would desperately ask that they not do so because that would imply that strangers would touch Luigi's Daimonium and that being separated, they would have difficulties because a human cannot be at a certain distance from their Daimonium. Bowser wouldn't understand why they would both make such a fuss about it, so he does it himself and this is where the bond happens. Bowser may not have Daimonium but he is somehow connected to Luigi, when he took the Daimonium he felt a light current of electricity through his body, something he had only heard happen in tales and legends.

And that is where I will count because the rest I will write for the complete fic.

What do you think?

By the way, in all this I never addressed the Daimoniums by their names because the truth is that I don't have them yet but I would love for you to help me choose their names. You could comment on it or put it in your tags.

It must be remembered that Peach came to the mushroom kingdom very young, so it must have been the Toads, in this case Toadstool who named her Daimonium. While in the case of Luigui and Mario, it was the Daimoniums of their parents who named theirs. And the Daimoniums are the opposite sex of their humans.

As a bonus and also goes hand in hand with Spoilers, when an individual who does not possess Daimonium crosses into a dimension where they do exist, that individual will go through a somewhat painful process where their Daimonium will take form outside of their body. So yes, there is still a chance that Bowser will get one but time will tell because I already have the perfect animal to represent Luigi.

And I have to say that the idea of all of this it's thanks to RebecaAnabelBurrows and to her amazing fic "Settling down"

Such a wonderful fic.

[gemsofthegalaxy]

not fucking someone by the time youre 16 years old doesnt make you sexless? or abnormal? even if youre allosexual?? its just like ughhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh

part of me wants to not CARE about teen media anymore because im fucking 28 like why would i? i genuinely do prefer to watch stuff about adults too, im tired (my mom and i watch the teenybopper shows together because theyre usually pretty lighthearted and currently theyre pretty short bc netflix doesnt give long seasons and my mom prefers short shows. lol. so i continue watching them anyway.)

but even AS a teenager i remember watching shows like Pretty Little Liars literally did make me feel bad about myself, because they cast skinny adult women and had them all constantly making out and stuff, and I've heard the books were even More wild, and that was not even remotely reflective of my experience as a fat bisexual girl.

and i was REALLY quite in the know about sex and sexuality, I was not ignornant or sexless because i wasn't Having sex. i was text roleplaying fictional sex with friends (they were my own age) at like 14-17 and watching porn alone and with them (still prefer gif based porn to videos btw), and reading and writing porn on my own, and we TALKED about sex and masturbation with boys and girls (some girls were super fucking judgmental btw and thought it was wrong for a girl to get herself off and that they should get a guy to do it. as if high school boys were getting them off. like.. please lmfao)

so i don't think teen media should be absent of sex, that also wouldn't be reflective of my experience as you can see. but i do think there should be more care when it comes to depicting it, even when you have 20 year old actors and it's their bodies you're showing. like. i dunno! i'm not prude and I know we all remember being teenagers and therefore the stories can feel very universal even to adults, some people love to continue to relish in that era and it's not inherently wrong. but what makes it to mainstream media just like... leaves stuff to be desired for me, such as more depictions of people who aren't ready, or don't meet someone in that time of their life, and so on.

and more of it could be found in media about the few years after teenagehood too like. more protags who make it to full adulthood without kissing dating romance or sex but want it now and muddle about to find it, or who discover they never wanted it in the first place. idk.

[marvel-ousmondays]

Marvel-ous Mondays... but it's Sunday

I was always, and mostly proudly, a nerd.

My parents had a set of orange student encyclopedias downstairs and they convinced me to do "reports" for fun. I played that Microsoft Encarta Trivia game as well as various incantations of Where in the ?? is Carmen Sandiego and even a math game known as Number Maze for an inordinate percentage of my childhood. I read books and maintained collections and had a microscope I insisted on for Christmas that I didn't know how to use.

But I didn't read comics.

I don't know why exactly. I went to bookstores, I even used to buy baseball cards at the local video game rental place, but I don't even remember SEEING comic books in real life. I also didn't watch X-men Evolution or any of the other great Marvel animation my friends remember. Probably my mom didn't like them for one reason or another, or they may have been on when I was out practicing for various sports. Regardless, I didn't have the usual indoctrination into comicbook universes that my fellow youthful nerds had.

The only small window of Marvel that opened for me pre-teen years was that my neighbor, a boy named Jon, collected X-men cards. And he would want to play X-men with myself and our other friend, Kari. He didn't have very many girl cards (another factor that may have limited my interest) so I was always Storm. (I don't remember who Kari agreed to be.)

These days, awesome as Storm is, I'd opt to be Jean Grey.

Regardless, my nerdy youth did not sense any lack and I continued into nerdy teenagehood unaware of the cinematic superhero renaissance on the horizon. The first of the X-men trilogy with Sir Patrick Stewart as Charles Xavier (and of course, the then barely known amazing Australian, Hugh Jackman, as Wolverine) came out but it didn't garner my interest. I think my friends and I may have even watched it on a movie night (I grew up in a small town- trips to the movie theater 30 minutes away by car were rare and magical and reserved for something you assumed would be awesome... or a birthday), but my mind was probably on something or someone else.

It wasn't until the second movie, where Shawn Ashmore (who I adored from the much too short Animorphs series- yes I loved the books too) had a larger role that my interest was piqued. Genetic evolution as an explanation for powers? Fascinating. Found family for those who were either rejected or who just needed something their family couldn't give? Awesome. Being ashamed of being extraordinary in a world demanding conformity and ordinariness? Hell yes, sign me up.

One thing I will say for me is once I'm in, I'm in. I was now committed to X-men and all future movies and I would appreciate them no matter the reviews or the complaints of how it did or didn't match the comics. Which I still hadn't read.

But I had not expanded to Marvel at large. I watched at least one of the Tobey Maguire Spider-Man movies and liked it well enough, but it didn't grab me. It also seemed like superhero movies were all so male-dominated (except X-men, where it at least had smacked of a 30-70 split), so it didn't feel like it was FOR me.

Then Batman Begins came out.

Sit down geeky gatekeeper boy. I see you- yeah, I know you are about to "school" me about how that's DC and you've been talking about Marvel. I'm well aware of the difference- this post is about HOW I got INTO superhero movies (and leading up specifically to the MCU). And Batman was a part of that process, even if he is DC, mainly because Christopher Nolan's trilogy is fucking phenomenol.

Batman Begins, even more than X-men, sucked me into the superhero universe. The world it created felt real and therefore accessible to someone like me who hadn't experienced years of indoctrination into a universe littered with superheroes. I understood trauma and darkness and people doing bad things and the desire to stand up to all of that but not having any idea how to do battle with the world's demons at the same time you were fighting your own. I understood Bruce Wayne in all that and the film was just fucking good, regardless of previous interest. (Add in that my best friend in college was getting into film in general so I was watching A LOT of movies and ended up more interest in their storytelling than my friend in the long run.)

So superhero movies were now on my list of acceptable movies to spend money on at the theater. I also was now in college with a little bit of dispensable income and a movie theater within 10 minutes and/or friends at home that were down for a whole day out that ended with a late night at the drive-in. The latter of which is exactly where I first watched Iron Man, a movie about a superhero I didn't even know existed (I know, right?) with an actor I associated with Sherlock Holmes.

And into the MCU I dove.

I've unapologetically loved this universe ever since. I've read some of the comics now, and I've enjoyed them, but honestly my love remains with the movies and shows that are part of this canon. A love that only grew over the years and that still finds magic in the new directions the universe is taking.

But like most, I've missed things. There were movies I didn't and haven't seen, shows I didn't keep up with, and so on. So I'm doing this blog as sort of a "fun" resolution. I want to watch through the ENTIRE MCU- all the shows and movies (whether they are considered "canon" or not- like Agents of S.H.I.E.L.D). I've tried several times before but haven't done it.

So this year I've committed to Marvel-ous Mondays. Every Monday I will watch (or at least start) a Marvel Movie or 2 episodes of a Marvel show. I'm going in release order. (I was originally going to do Chronological order but all the timey-wimey ness (Gatekeeper boy I swear to Gaia I will have you forcibly removed, you know damn well David Tenet was in both universes and would approve that use) has made that order really complicated.) And then- I'll blog about what I watched and what it meant to me.

Will this have tons of insider geeky knowledge where I note all the little details they included? No, I likely don't know most of those.

Will this be an incredibly insightful film critique? Doubtful, I'm not a film studies scholar- I'm just someone who really likes movies and shows and books and storytelling. I'm an ardent amateur.

What this will be is one nerdy girl reflecting on the MCU and why certain movies and characters resonate with me and what I do and don't like and what I associate with each film that I've seen (and how I feel about the pieces that I haven't). And mostly, I'm hoping blogging about it will keep me going when my squirrel brain tries to run off in distraction.

If you feel like following along, welcome. I love you 3000.

[inkovert]

Hmm. A mix of....to cope and to heal, I think.

I know YA can get a pretty bad rep or often gets dismissed as immature or childish, but I think people fail to appreciate how lucrative it is in terms of exploring the origin of emotions. A lot of the thoughts/emotions etc I'm struggling through now as an adult can be traced back to childhood/teenagehood, and I like exploring those emotions and others in the characters I write. I'm writing a YA litfic which not sure necessarily how common of a genre that is these days, but I love exploring the depths of a characters emotions and why they are the way they are. The messiness, the confusion, the way it manifests externally as they fight to dig their way out of it. The misunderstandings that come about in the way they're perceived by others. Or the beauty that emerges when they connect with someone else and learn that "it's not just me, I'm not alone in this."

We write off teens as "emotional" or belittle their feelings when really a lot of what they experience is universal and doesn't necessarily go away or get fixed as we age, whether that's feeling lost or out of place, not knowing who you are, dealing with a bad relationship with parents or dysfunctional family dynamics. And my personal fav, mental illness. And so getting people, at whatever age, to realize and connect with that in my characters, and potentially soothe their inner child of a soul, is why I write what I write. To make people feel seen.

Oh, and I love angst.

why do you write what you write?

[spiltcandycoatedpunkblood]

wondering how much of my life has truly felt fake does not make me feel great but y’know,,, here i am

(do not reblog)