#I still struggle with the idea that I will hurt them and they will hurt me and I need to cut them off before that happens etc etc
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— it’s the little things —
Warnings: fluff, some angst
Summary: There’s some harder questions to answer about Jason.
Pairing: Jason Todd x Female Reader
A/N: An idea that popped up when I couldn’t answer a niece’s question about her father’s job (he’s a firefighter). Enjoy!
"Momma, why doesn't daddy smile a lot?" He looked up at you, his young face serious, as if pondering some profound thought.
Six year old Owen was sitting at the dining table, a picture book sprawled open in front of him. While he often asked about Jason’s “work”, this time his questioning took a different turn.
You looked at him, your movements slowing down as you mulled over your answer. “He does, baby. He smiles when you play with him, remember?” You turned the tap on, washing off the soap on the plate.
Owen shrugged, his young mind processing the answer, his fingers idly tracing the pictures in the open book.
“But it's not like yours,” he pointed out. The pure innocence and simplicity of his remark struck at your heart. He looked back up at you, his eyes curious and childlike. “Why aren't his smiles like yours? You smile a lot.”
You tilted your head a bit. “Wanna explain a bit?” You asked gently, trying to both pry into his question and buy yourself time to find a good answer for him.
Owen thought for a moment, his young mind struggling to put his thoughts into words. He was quiet as he looked at the picture book, then back at you.
He finally spoke, his voice filled with innocence and curiosity. “Daddy's smiles are different. They're small and quick, like he's not really happy.”
He paused, his little brow furrowing as he continued. “Your smiles are big and warm. It's like you're really, really happy,” he added with lilt in his tone as if he thought it was his fault somehow.
You hummed in a contemplative manner. “I guess he does do those quick smiles, doesn’t he?” You were still stalling. You knew Owen had questions about his father, but you didn’t think you’d get this question while Jason was out for evening patrol.
You turned off the tap. Owen nodded, his gaze still fixed on you.
“Yeah... and he doesn't laugh often either, like you do when you watch funny movies.” His small lips pursing as if in thought. “Why is that, momma? Why does daddy laugh and smile less than you do?”
You started drying the dishes, thinking over your answer before you said something that wouldn’t make sense to a six year old. “He’s… not unhappy, Owen. He’s just…” you trailed off, searching for the right words.
You found it hard to find the right words to explain the complexity of Jason’s emotional state to an innocent and curious child.
“Just…?” Owen prompted, his young eyes fixed on you, silently urging you to continue.
You looked down at the dishes for a moment, prolonging your next words. “You know how he tells you about those adventures he goes on during work?” You breathed in deeply as Owen’s eyes lit up.
Owen nodded, his interest piqued. “Yeah, the ones where he's a super cool hero who beats up the bad guys.”
You hummed in agreement. “Sometimes, there’s bad people who hurt good people,” you started slowly, watching his reaction to your carefully crafted words. “And sometimes, your daddy can’t help all of them get better.”
Owen's expression turned pensive, his young mind trying to grasp the concept. His little fingers traced the same picture in the open book, as if trying to make sense of the world.
He looked back up at you, his voice soft. “Why can't daddy help them all get better, momma?”
“Because he can’t be everywhere all at once, right?” You put away the last plate and wiped your hands on a towel before sitting down on the kitchen island stool beside Owen.
Owen nodded, his young mind slowly processing your words. He was quiet for a moment, his gaze again fixed on the picture book in front of him.
Then, looking up at you, he spoke, his voice soft and a hint of concern in his eyes. "Does that make daddy sad? That he can't help everybody?"
You nodded. “It does, baby,” you confirmed with a gentle yet sad smile. “It makes him sad, but then he comes home to us and we make him feel better.” You raked a hand through his dark hair gently.
Owen's face softened at your touch, leaning slightly into your hand. He looked up at you, his eyes now filled with a mixture of understanding and love.
He nodded silently, his tiny hand reaching out to hold yours for a moment. The weight of your words seemed to sink in, his young mind grappling with the reality of his father's job and the complicated emotions it brought about.
“Your momma’s right,” Jason’s voice came from behind. Both you and Owen looked over to the doorway to see Jason standing there, leaning against the doorframe, his tired eyes observing the two of you.
Owen brightened visibly at the sight of his father, his usual energetic self returning momentarily. “Daddy! You're home early!”
Jason pushed off the doorframe and approached you both, his weariness momentarily replaced by a hint of warmth as he looked at Owen. He spoke, his rough voice slightly hoarse. “Yeah, buddy. Patrol wrapped up a bit earlier than expected.”
His eyes darted to you for a brief moment, eyes conveying his appreciation for your way of explaining his feelings in a way he couldn’t himself comprehend.
“You kicked some bad guys' butts, right, daddy?”Owen smiled widely, his innocent excitement at seeing his father evident. He looked up at Jason with a sense of admiration that only a child could feel.
Jason grinned, albeit a bit strained. He ruffled Owen’s hair. “Heck yeah, I did.”
#jason todd x reader#jason todd/reader#jason todd fluff#jason todd angst#jason todd x fem!reader#red hood x fem!reader#red hood x female reader#jason todd x female reader#jason todd x you#jason todd x y/n#red hood x you#red hood x reader#dad!jason todd#dc fanfics#dc red hood#jason todd dc#jason todd fanfic#jason todd fanfiction#jason todd fic#jason todd#dc x y/n#dc x you#dc x reader#red hood#red hood fanfiction
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One thing I will say about this season is that it really emphasized just how much Silco and his actions contributed to Jinx's issues and how much his presence affected her negatively going forward.
Most of all, though, I think it proved once for all that Vander and Powder had a special bond where he deeply cared for her and genuinely saw her as his own. Especially in season 1, I think a lot of the fandom latched onto this idea that his relationship with Powder was much more shallow than the one with Vi and as a consequence, she connected with Silco so strongly. But just because Vi and Vander were close and he acted as her mentor in many ways doesn't mean he didn't care about the others and didn't have his own connection with Powder. Just because we didn't see it doesn't mean he was neglectful or cared about her any less. He and Vi had a special bond, yes, but that's because they are similar. I also think that in some ways, he saw himself in Vi, just like Silco saw himself in Jinx. He wasn't a perfect father, he wasn't without flaws, but it's clear he did everything in his power to keep his kids safe and ensure a peaceful future for them.
Through their interactions this season and that alternate universum jumping, we found out that they both deeply cared about each other and Vander fully accepted Powder as his daughter. He clearly loved her a lot and she also saw him as a father figure in her life.
Moreover, even though alternate universe Powder also dealt with grief, this time over using Vi, it's clear that Vander was able to give her the support she needed. She didn't turn violent, she didn't struggle with constant hallucinations. She grew up to be smart, resourceful and compassionate. She grew up to be a healthier, stronger version of herself. Someone who's loved, appreciated and has her own place in the world. And all that even after facing the enormous loss that Vi's death must have been.
It speaks volumes about how much Silco projected his own trauma onto her and prevented her from ever realizing her full potential. I don't think he did it intentionally, I don't think he doomed her to be like this as a choice... He certainly loved her and in his own way wanted what's best for her.
But regardless of his intentions, that's still what happened.
Hurt people hurt people.
That's one thing that Arcane made blatantly clear.
#arcane spoilers#arcane#jinx arcane#vi arcane#silco arcane#powder arcane#vander arcane#warwick#silco#jinx#vi#arcane season 2#arcane season 2 act 3#arcane meta#arcane analysis#arcane league of legends
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i miss you, i'm sorry
genre/tags 𝟅𝟈 angst, exes to lovers, happy ending
word count 𝟅𝟈 5.3k
NOT PROOFREAD
⊹₊ ˚‧︵‿₊୨୧₊‿︵‧ ˚ ₊⊹
Your apartment felt too quiet, the kind of quiet that felt heavy on your chest. Felix stood in the middle of the living room, his hands in his hoodie pockets, his face unreadable. It was one of the rare times you couldn’t tell what he was thinking, and that scared you.
“You deserve better than this,” he said, voice soft but firm, tinged with an unfamiliar edge.
“I deserve you,” you argued, your voice cracking. Your hands trembled at your sides, and you didn’t know if it was from anger or heartbreak. Maybe both.
He shook his head, his lips pressing into a grimace as he avoided your eyes. “Y/N… I can’t give you what you need. I’m always gone, and when I’m here, I’m still not here. You’ve been patient, more than I deserve, but I see what it’s doing to you.”
Your chest tightened, and the tears you’d been holding back finally spilled over. “I’m not asking for anything else, Lix. I know it’s hard, but I love you, and I thought—” Your voice caught. “I thought you loved me too.”
“I do,” he said, and his voice cracked in a way that made your knees feel weak. “That’s why I’m letting you go.” You could see tears welling up in his beautiful eyes and that made you want to run to him even more, but you hold yourself back, not sure he’d even want you near him.
You watch as he grabs his backpack off the floor, sending one last look at you, sighing when you refuse to meet his eyes, “I’m doing this for you, Y/N, I love you too much to keep doing this to you.”
You finally look into his eyes and he feels his heart splinter into pieces as he sees your red-rimmed eyes, tears slowly falling down your cheeks, “if you loved me, you’d stay.”
He sighs once more and turns away from you, heading towards the door, “I hope you can move on and find someone better, I’ll send the guys to pick up the rest of my stuff later.”
You desperately want to grab him, to scream in his face that he’s hurting you more by leaving, but instead you watch him go, shoulders heaving as you struggle to breathe.
⊹₊ ˚‧︵‿₊୨୧₊‿︵‧ ˚ ₊⊹
The sound of the doorbell pulled you from the haze you’d been lost in for the past week. For a moment, you debated not answering it. The idea of facing anyone felt unbearable, but the bell rang again, persistent and sharp.
With a deep breath, you wiped at your face, hoping to look somewhat composed, and opened the door.
It was Chan, Hyunjin, and Seungmin.
“Hey,” Chan said softly, his eyes scanning your face. His usual warmth was shadowed by hesitation, as if he didn’t know how to approach you in this state.
You tightened your grip on the door, leaning against it to steady yourself. “Hi.”
“We, uh… We’re here for Felix’s things,” Hyunjin said, his voice quieter than usual. He glanced over his shoulder, like he wanted to be anywhere else but here.
You nodded, stepping back to let them in. The apartment felt too big, too empty without Felix’s presence, even though his things were still scattered around. The members hesitated for a moment before stepping inside, their movements careful, almost reverent.
“Is he okay?” you asked, breaking the silence as they started packing his things into boxes.
Chan looked at you, his expression softening. “He’s… coping, I think. This wasn’t easy for him, Y/N.”
You laughed bitterly, crossing your arms over your chest. “Right.”
Hyunjin stopped mid-step, his eyes flickering between you and Chan. Seungmin nudged him gently, silently urging him to keep packing.
“It’s not like that,” Chan said gently, setting down a stack of books. “You know how much he cares about you. He just… he really thought he was doing the right thing.”
“The right thing?” you echoed, your voice rising. “By leaving me? By letting you all pack up his stuff, he can’t even face me, won’t even give me a say in ending our relationship?”
Chan’s shoulders sagged, and for a moment, he looked as lost as you felt. “I tried to talk him out of it,” he admitted, his voice barely above a whisper. “We all did. But he wouldn’t listen. He thought you deserved better.”
“Better,” you repeated, shaking your head. Tears stung at the corners of your eyes, but you refused to let them fall. “He doesn’t get to decide that for me.”
No one had an answer for that, and the silence that followed felt suffocating.
Hyunjin was the first to break it, his voice soft. “For what it’s worth, Y/N… he looked just as broken as you do right now. Maybe more.”
You swallowed hard, forcing yourself to turn away before they could see the tears spill over. “Just… take his stuff and go.”
Chan hesitated, but eventually nodded. “We’ll be quick.”
As they carried out the boxes, you couldn’t bring yourself to watch. Instead, you stared out the window, focusing on the city skyline in the distance. It wasn’t until the door clicked shut behind them that you let the sobs escape, your chest heaving as you crumpled onto the couch.
Somewhere deep down, you wanted them to tell Felix how broken you seemed. Maybe then he’d realize that this “better life” he wanted for you didn’t exist without him.
⊹₊ ˚‧︵‿₊୨୧₊‿︵‧ ˚ ₊⊹
Felix thought throwing himself into work would dull the ache.
Rehearsals became his only reprieve, every movement, every beat, an excuse to avoid the hollow pit in his chest. He stayed at the studio later than anyone else, perfecting choreography that didn’t need perfecting, re-recording verses that were already flawless. The other members noticed, of course they did—they weren’t blind.
“Lix,” Chan said one night, watching Felix push through yet another round of dance practice. The rest of the group had gone home hours ago, but Felix stayed, drenched in sweat, his breaths coming in short gasps as he went through the routine again.
“What?” Felix snapped, the sharpness in his tone unusual but expected.
Chan frowned but didn’t press further. He could see the exhaustion in Felix’s eyes, the weight he carried every time someone mentioned your name.
On stage, Felix was the picture of professionalism, his radiant smile masking the storm raging inside him. Fans screamed his name, but every cheer felt empty. He told himself it was for the best, that this was what you deserved—a version of him you didn’t have to suffer through.
But at night, when the noise died down and the hotel rooms felt too quiet, he’d reach for his phone out of habit. Your contact name stared back at him like a wound that refused to heal. He couldn’t delete it. He couldn’t let go, even though he already had.
Felix watched your Instagram, knowing you’d unfollowed him, but he still scrolled through your old posts, searching for pieces of the life you were living now. The last thing he wanted was to see you suffering because of him, but even the thought of you smiling without him sent a fresh wave of pain through his chest.
⊹₊ ˚‧︵‿₊୨୧₊‿︵‧ ˚ ₊⊹
If Felix was drowning himself in work, you were drowning in everything else.
Your days blurred together—wake up, force yourself out of bed, put on a happy face for your friends. Nights were worse. They were quiet, and the emptiness left too much space for your thoughts.
You told yourself not to look. Don’t check his Instagram. Don’t search his name on Twitter. Don’t go down the rabbit hole of fancams and updates from the tour. But your resolve never lasted.
Every night, you found yourself scrolling through endless pictures and videos.
The first time you saw him on stage, glowing under the lights with that smile that had once been yours, it felt like the air had been sucked out of the room. You stared at the screen, taking in every detail—his expression, his energy, the way he interacted with fans. He looked happy.
But he wasn’t, was he? You knew that smile better than anyone. You could see the cracks if you looked hard enough.
“Y/N, you have to stop,” your best friend said one night, catching you mid-scroll. “This isn’t helping you.”
You nodded, wiping at your eyes and setting your phone down. But it didn’t stop. It was a habit you couldn’t break, a lifeline to the person who’d once been your everything.
You replayed your last moments with him over and over, the way he avoided your gaze when he said it was over. The way his voice broke when he told you that you deserved better.
Better.
You weren’t sure what that even meant anymore. All you knew was that you felt worse every day, no matter how hard you tried to rebuild your life.
Even hanging out with friends felt hollow. You laughed, you smiled, but your heart wasn’t in it.
Because no matter how far you tried to move on, a part of you was still stuck in that apartment, watching the love of your life walk away.
⊹₊ ˚‧︵‿₊୨୧₊‿︵‧ ˚ ₊⊹
A few months later, the tour was over. Months of grueling travel, sold-out arenas, and sleepless nights had finally come to an end. For the first time in what felt like forever, the members of Stray Kids stepped into the familiar comfort of home.
But for Felix, it didn’t feel like home.
The others were buzzing with excitement, already talking about their plans—family visits, long naps, or eating meals they’d missed during the tour. Felix stayed quiet, dragging his suitcase through the apartment like a ghost.
Chan noticed, of course. He always did.
“Hey, man,” he said softly as Felix sank onto the couch, staring at his phone. “You alright?”
Felix nodded without looking up. “Yeah. Just tired.”
Chan didn’t push, but his frown lingered. Felix hadn’t been the same since the breakup, and no amount of screaming fans or bright lights had been able to fix that.
⊹₊ ˚‧︵‿₊୨୧₊‿︵‧ ˚ ₊⊹
You hadn’t noticed they were back.
You’d stopped checking their social media, stopped asking mutual friends about Felix, stopped torturing yourself with glimpses of a life you were no longer part of. It had taken months, but you’d learned to keep your distance. Deleting most of your social media apps had been the first step to begin healing from your pain.
It wasn’t that you didn’t miss them. You did. The boys had been like family to you at one point. But being around them would only open wounds that had barely started to close.
When your phone buzzed that afternoon, you hesitated before picking it up.
It was a text from Hyunjin.
Hyunjin: Hey, we’re back! I was thinking maybe we could grab coffee or something? I miss talking to you.
You stared at the message, your heart twisting. You wanted to respond, to say you missed him too. But you couldn’t.
You set your phone down and ignored it.
A few hours later, another text came through.
Chan: Hey, Y/N. Just wanted to let you know we’re home. Hope you’re doing okay. Let me know if you need anything.
This one was harder to ignore. Chan had always been like an older brother to you, someone you could count on no matter what. But replying meant opening a door you’d worked so hard to close.
Your phone buzzed again, this time with a call from Jeongin. You let it go to voicemail.
“Did she reply?” Hyunjin asked, leaning against the counter as Chan checked his phone.
Chan shook his head. “No. I don’t think she will.”
Jeongin frowned, flopping onto the couch. “It’s weird, isn’t it? She used to always be around. It’s like… she’s just gone now.”
“She needs space,” Seungmin said simply, though his tone carried an unspoken sadness.
Felix sat silently in the corner, his phone clutched in his hands. He hadn’t reached out—not yet. He knew you wouldn’t respond. Why would you? He was the reason everything had fallen apart.
“She’s doing what she needs to do,” Chan said, though even he looked unsure. “We can’t blame her for that.”
Hyunjin sighed, running a hand through his hair. “I just… I feel like we lost her too, you know? Not just Felix. All of us.”
The room fell quiet, the weight of the unspoken truth settling over them like a heavy blanket.
Felix finally looked up, his voice barely above a whisper. “She deserves to be happy. Even if it’s without us.”
No one responded, but the silence said enough.
⊹₊ ˚‧︵‿₊୨୧₊‿︵‧ ˚ ₊⊹
Your friends had insisted you show up to this date, practically dragging you to the salon earlier that day. “You need this,” they said, their voices full of determination. “It’s time to move on.”
So, there you were, sitting across from a genuinely kind guy named Daniel at a fancy restaurant, your hair perfectly styled, makeup flawless, and a little black dress that had you feeling confident for the first time in months.
Daniel was sweet, polite, and easy to talk to. You learned he’d just gotten out of a long-term relationship too—his ex had left him, and while he was still nursing the sting of it, he was trying to move forward.
You bonded over heartbreak and the awkwardness of starting over. He made you laugh with his dry humor and clever commentary on the overly pretentious menu.
But as much as you liked him, something was missing. No spark. No butterflies. Just… nothing.
You were halfway through dessert, smiling politely as Daniel shared a story about his college days, when your phone buzzed on the table.
“Sorry,” you said, glancing at the screen. The number was unfamiliar, but something in your chest tightened. “I should take this.”
“Go ahead,” Daniel said, gesturing for you to answer.
You pressed the phone to your ear. “Hello?”
“Hi, is this Y/N?” a professional voice asked. “This is ASAN Medical Center. We have a patient named Lee Felix admitted earlier today. You’re listed as his emergency contact.”
Your heart dropped, the words hitting like a punch to the stomach. “What? Is he okay? What happened?”
“He’s stable, but we recommend you come in. We can explain more when you’re here.”
You nodded, even though they couldn’t see you. “I—I’ll be there.”
Hanging up, you took a deep breath, trying to steady yourself. Daniel’s concerned expression cut through your spiraling thoughts.
“Everything okay?” he asked.
You shook your head, grabbing your purse. “It’s… complicated. I’m really sorry, but I have to go.”
“Don’t apologize,” he said, smiling gently. “Family emergency?”
“Something like that,” you muttered, standing up. You reached for your wallet, but Daniel stopped you.
“Don’t worry about it. Just go.”
You hesitated, then gave him a small, apologetic smile. “Thank you. And… you’re a great guy, really. But I think we both know this isn’t meant to be.”
Daniel chuckled, nodding. “Yeah, I felt that too. Go take care of your person.”
The phrase hit harder than it should have, but you didn’t have time to unpack it. You thanked him again and rushed out of the restaurant, your heels clicking loudly against the polished floors.
The taxi ride to the hospital was a blur. Your mind raced with questions, fears, and the nagging ache in your chest that you hadn’t been able to shake since the breakup.
⊹₊ ˚‧︵‿₊୨୧₊‿︵‧ ˚ ₊⊹
The drive felt like it had taken hours, and by the time you reached the hospital, your hands were trembling, and you weren’t sure if it was from fear, anger, or something else entirely.
The fluorescent lights in the hospital hallways buzzed faintly as you followed the nurse toward Felix’s room. The air was sterile, cold, and too quiet, amplifying the pounding of your heart in your chest.
You felt like you might be sick. Every step felt heavier than the last, memories of Felix flooding your mind. The way he’d smile at you like you were his entire world. The way he’d whispered sweet promises in the quiet of your shared moments. And the way he’d broken your heart when he told you he wasn’t good enough.
The nurse stopped outside a door, her face kind but indifferent. “He’s in here,” she said softly before stepping away.
You stood frozen, staring at the closed door. Your breath came in shallow gasps, and your stomach twisted painfully. Why am I even here? you thought. But you knew the answer—because even after everything, you cared. You always had, and probably always would.
After a moment of gathering your courage, you pushed the door open.
The sound of the door caught their attention immediately. Chan was seated in a plastic chair near the bed, arms crossed, while Felix was propped up against the pillows, pale and tired but unmistakably himself.
Both their heads whipped toward you.
“Y/N?” Felix’s voice was weak, his eyes wide with shock. “What are you doing here?”
“The hospital called,” you explained, still standing in the doorway. “They said you were admitted, and I’m… I’m still listed as your emergency contact.”
Chan frowned, standing up. “We didn’t expect—”
You cut him off, smiling softly, but clearly a little hurt. “I just… wanted to make sure you weren’t alone.”
Felix looked down, guilt flashing across his face. “I—sorry. I should’ve removed your name. That was selfish of me.”
“It’s fine,” you said quickly, brushing his apology aside. “I just needed to know you were okay.”
His eyes flicked back to yours, scanning your face as if searching for something. “You look… good.”
The compliment caught you off guard, and you shifted uncomfortably. “Oh, thanks. I was kind of on a date.”
Felix froze, his expression crumbling before he masked it. “Oh. I—” He stumbled over his words, his voice barely above a whisper. “I’m sorry for… interrupting your night.”
“It’s fine,” you said again, this time more curtly. “But now that I know you’re not alone, I’m probably going to go.”
You turned to leave, ignoring the tight feeling in your chest and the weight of Felix’s gaze on your back.
You were halfway down the hall when you heard someone call your name. Turning, you saw Chan jogging to catch up with you. His face was serious, his eyes tinged with urgency.
“Y/N, wait,” he said, stopping just in front of you.
“What, Chan?” you asked, your voice sharp, your emotions fraying. “What could you possibly want to say to me right now?”
He hesitated, then spoke in a rush. “Please. Don’t let him go.”
You blinked, his words not registering at first. “What?”
“You heard me,” Chan said, his voice quieter now, but no less urgent. “He misses you. I know he does. He’s been miserable this whole time, Y/N.”
Your stomach twisted. “Are you serious right now? He’s the one who ended things. He’s the one who said I deserved better. How can you ask me to fight for something he didn’t even want to fight for himself?”
Chan sighed, running a hand through his hair. “He thought he was doing the right thing. He thought he was protecting you. But he’s realized how wrong he was. I’m begging you, just… talk to him. Please.”
You shook your head, tears stinging your eyes. “I don’t know if I can. You don’t understand how much it hurt, Chan. How much he hurt me.”
“I know,” Chan said softly. “And I’m sorry. But I also know Felix, and I know he loves you. He’s just scared. And if you walk away now, I don’t think he’ll ever forgive himself—or me—for letting you go.”
You hesitated, his words gnawing at the walls you’d built around your heart.
“Just talk to him,” Chan pleaded. “If nothing else, you deserve to say what you need to say. Please.”
After a long moment, you exhaled shakily. “Fine. I’ll talk to him. But don’t expect anything, Chan.”
“That’s all I’m asking,” he said, relief washing over his face. “Thank you.”
With trembling hands and a storm of feelings swirling in your chest, you turned back toward Felix’s room, unsure if you were ready for what came next.
You stepped back into the room, your heart pounding like a drum in your chest. Felix looked up, his eyes widening when he saw you. He was startled, as if he hadn’t expected you to come back. Chan shot you a quick glance, then slipped out silently, leaving the two of you alone.
The door clicked shut, and the tension in the room was suffocating. You crossed your arms, standing by the door, unsure where to start.
“Why?” you finally said, your voice harsher than you intended. “Why now?”
Felix blinked, confused. “What do you mean?”
You laughed bitterly, taking a few steps closer to the bed. “I mean, why are you doing this now? After months of silence, after breaking me into pieces and leaving me to pick them up on my own, why now? Why drag me back into this?”
He looked down, fiddling with the edge of the blanket draped over his lap. “I didn’t mean to drag you into anything,” he said quietly. “I didn’t even know they’d call you. But seeing you here…” He swallowed hard, his voice breaking. “It just made me realize how much I miss you.”
You scoffed, shaking your head. “You miss me? That’s rich, Felix. Where was that when I was crying myself to sleep every night? Where was that when I begged you to stay, when you left me?”
He flinched, your words hitting him like a slap. “I thought I was doing the right thing,” he murmured, his voice filled with regret.
“The right thing?” you repeated, your voice rising. “The right thing would’ve been to fight for us! But instead, you gave up, Felix. You left me.”
His hands clenched the blanket, his knuckles white. “I know,” he admitted, his voice cracking. “I know I hurt you, and I hate myself for it. But I thought I was protecting you. I thought you deserved someone who could give you more than I could.”
You shook your head, tears blurring your vision. “Do you have any idea how hard it’s been for me? How much it hurt to see you everywhere and know I wasn’t part of your life anymore?”
“I’m sorry,” he said, his voice barely above a whisper. “I thought I was doing the right thing, but I was wrong. I miss you, Y/N. I miss everything about you. And the thought of you with someone else…” He looked up at you, his eyes shimmering with unshed tears. “It kills me.”
Your heart clenched, but you forced yourself to stay firm. “You don’t get to say that, Felix. You don’t get to come back now, when I’ve finally started to put myself back together, and tell me you miss me.”
“I know,” he said, his voice desperate. “I know I don’t deserve a second chance. But I can’t go another day without trying. I love you, Y/N. I’ve never stopped loving you.”
You looked away, his words cutting through your defenses. “Do you know how hard it’s been for me to even think about moving on?” you said, your voice trembling. “I was starting to feel okay again. And now you’re here, saying all of this, and I don’t know what to do with it.”
Felix pushed himself up slightly, wincing but determined. “I know it’s unfair,” he said, his voice stronger now. “But I’m asking you to let me make it right. I can’t promise it’ll be perfect, but I swear I’ll do everything I can to make you happy. Just… please.”
Your chest heaved as you struggled to keep your emotions in check. Part of you wanted to walk out and never look back, to protect yourself from more heartbreak. But another part of you, the part that still loved him despite everything, wanted to stay.
“Do you mean it?” you asked, your voice barely audible. “Do you really mean it this time?”
Felix’s gaze was steady, unwavering. “With everything I have.”
Silence hung between you, heavy and charged. Then, finally, you let out a shaky breath. “If we do this again,” you said, your voice firm, “you don’t get to run. No more deciding what’s best for me without talking to me first. We fight for it, no matter how hard it gets. Got it?”
A tear slipped down Felix’s cheek, but he smiled—a real, hopeful smile. “Got it.”
You sighed, the weight on your chest easing ever so slightly. “Okay. Let’s try again.”
Felix reached for your hand, his touch warm and familiar. And for the first time in months, you let yourself hope.
You don’t end up going home that night, falling asleep in the hard plastic hospital chair, only waking up when the nurses knocked softly on the door to let you know that Felix was free to leave.
The two of you take a cab to your place, immediately crawling into your bed together, the memories held in your apartment no longer feeling like a crushing weight over you, but a reminder that the two of you can work it out.
⊹₊ ˚‧︵‿₊୨୧₊‿︵‧ ˚ ₊⊹
masterlist.
#jaeyunluvbot#kpop#stray kids x y/n#felix x reader#lee felix#angst#skz angst#exes to lovers#y/n#lee yongbok#skz#skz x reader#stray kids x reader
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hello !!! :D i love ur works sm 💞💞
how would the 781 trio react to their gf being insecure about her body but refusing to tell them because theyre busy and dont wanna bother them??
thank u >.<
˖⁺. “ keep me close ” :
﹙ hero & antihero trio bfs x fem reader ﹚.𖹭 ݁
. . . verse rishen, alessio & talisen x gn reader !! 🍰 : ﹙ rishen: hero ˖ preppy nerd ˖ moth-spider-mantis hybrid ˖ alessio: mercenary ˖ antihero ˖ punkgoth ˖ talisen: grim reaper ˖ naga ˖ poet character ﹚
they help you through your insecurities
﹙ cws ﹚: none ! | wc : 0.6k
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the somberness would radiate off of you, and it would not go unnoticed. talisen wouldn’t know where to pinpoint where it stemmed from and neither would alessio. but rishen may have had an idea of where it all came from.
she recognised the signs of insecurity, it was merely a matter figuring out what it was you were insecure about. she’d been quick to catch on to the diets you attempted, the overworking your body with unhealthy amount of exercise, and yet you still seemed so very unhappy.
you had always been beautiful to the three lovers. your curves, your perfections, your flaws, but in reality. the way you looked was never what mattered to them. it always sounds cliche, but they mean it when they say that they fell for who you are, now how you look.
despite how busy they all were, the three of them would individually drop off small notes to you throughout the day. ones that would sometimes make you cry.
“don’t overwork yourself, you’ll be okay, even if you don’t follow the usual routine.”
“please remember that the soul of which you carry within burns brighter than anything the world has ever seen. nevermind which form in these lives that you take, you will always have a wonder and beauty exuding from you, more than you may realise.
“please remember to eat the things you love too, whether they are healthy or not. as long as you eat is what matters.”
you tried your hardest to keep yourself together around them, but eventually it would all come down upon you. like walls crumbling into dust.
it hurt, it hurt so much for them to see you. usually happy and upbeat you struggling to express how much you despised the littlest things on you. things that weren’t even there.
the extra fat below your chin, it wasn’t there, the squish you said you hated on your thighs. it wasn’t there, all of the things you had nitpicked weren’t even there, and you didn’t realise it.
it suddenly made even more sense to the trio why you preferred hoodies nad sweatpants instead of tight or body fitting clothes. but you were so beautiful, and they wish they could lend you their eyes.
they wish you’d see what they saw. nevermind how naked or dressed you were — beautiful, you are so beautiful. on days where you say you feel and look like shit, on days where you feel pretty, or on days where you just look normal.
it didn’t make a difference, because they loved you for who you were inside. your outside was a shell they could hug onto, worship and hold. the warmth you radiated was your soul and the smiles you gave looked like bright and clear skies to them.
and they told you that
holding you close from all sides, while hushing your cries gently.
“you never have to worry about any of what you just said, baobei. because it is not there.” talisen would murmur from your right.
rishen, who was to your left, would murmur quierly into your ear too: “and even if you did we would love you all the same. we would hold you all of the same. your soul is what we fell in love with. we fell in love with you.”
and the mercenary behind you would lean down and press a gently kiss to your shoulder, gently massasging at your back.
“nevermind how you look, we will always love you. because the way you look physically, is not something we care about.”
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#﹙ cupcake rush. ﹚: trio 781 𖹭 ݁#monster boyfriend#teratophillia#monster fucker#terato#monster x reader#oc x reader#monster oc#x reader#reader insert#original character x reader#mercenary x reader#antihero x reader#hero x reader#naga x reader#hybrid x reader#rishen 781#alessio 781#talisen 781#trio 781#asterism
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holding you, holding me
⤷ enji todoroki x fem!reader
summary: No one said being a hero would be easy. Especially not with the title of Number One. Endeavor’s worked to the brink and comes home to his wife, doing what she can to comfort her husband the way he deserves.
tags: crossposted on ao3, fluff, domesticity, enji and rei are divorced and his children no longer live with him, hurt/comfort, nudity, no smut, sharing a shower
ao3 version
The bed creaked in protest under Enji’s weight as he sat on the end with a sigh, knees spread apart allowing himself to rest his forearms against them. His eyes were downcast towards the carpet as he stared at his feet.
Work had practically killed him today. For some reason, every villain within a 30-mile radius seemed to want to wreak havoc all at once. Of course, he knew as a hero, he didn’t get to complain.
He knew what he signed up for the day he decided to follow in his father's footsteps and join this line of work. He knew what he’d go through to bring safety to his country.
But still, he yearned for a break.
Feeling the mattress dip under your husband’s weight, you pushed yourself up to sleepily crawl towards him. This wasn’t a rare occurrence for you, seeing him come home late with shoulders as tense as boulders.
It never got any easier, having to wait here and watch him work himself to death, unable to take away his burdens. Not to mention the change in emotions. Enji was already a stoic and reserved man, but with all these immense stressors baring down on him, he became essentially emotionless.
Your knees pressed against Enji’s lower back, your covered chest following suit so you were able to gently bring your arms over his shoulders and connect near his pectorals.
“Bad day?” You questioned in a quiet voice, not wanting to disturb him with unnecessary volume.
Enji’s shoulders dropped slightly with a deep release of breath, the tension and stress he had been holding onto all day struggling to fade even with your comforting touch. His aching muscles reluctantly stretched when he brought a hand up to carefully hold onto your wrists, keeping your hands near him.
“You have no idea,” he muttered.
“It’s just one thing after another— I’m so damn tired.”
His stress was even evident in his voice, appearing deeper and huskier than usual.
You pressed your lips comfortingly on the back of his neck, resting your head there for a long moment for you both to soak up the physical affection. Your arms gently tightened around his broad shoulders— a consoling attempt at soothing him with reassurance that you were there for him, both physically and emotionally.
On bad days like this where Enji grew frustrated and closed off, it was best to let him decide if and when he wanted to open up. Therefore, you didn’t pry any deeper. That was his decision to make and his alone.
You knew his journey of self betterment wasn’t easy, especially considering all the guilt and pain he holds within himself— you did the best you could from an outside point of view to offer support on his terms.
“M’ sorry,” you murmured against his neck, your lips growing warm from his body heat.
At the press of your lips against his neck, his muscles relaxed and he allowed himself to lean back into you. The way your biceps flexed instinctively over his shoulders assured him that he was safe to melt into you— fully trusting you to hold his weight as you had done many times over. He stayed in this position for a few moments, eventually opening his eyes and leaning forward with a sigh.
“I think I’ll take a shower,” he finally spoke, his voice less strained than before, “care to join me?”
“Mhm.. course,” you hummed as he pulled away— his hand letting go of your wrists, allowing you to drag your hands back over his shoulders and give them a gentle squeeze before removing them altogether. You used Enji’s shoulder to push yourself off the bed and make your way over to your shared wardrobe.
You grabbed a clean pair of sweatpants for your husband to wear after his shower and folded them up, placing them next to him on the bed so he could easily change when he came out.
“Ready?” You asked, bringing him out of his thoughts by placing a hand on his cheek, your thumb gently caressing over his stubble— eyes kind as they stared into his from where you stood between his spread legs.
In your eyes, Enji saw the most love and adoration he had ever seen anyone look at him with. It was a strange sight, accompanied by the unfamiliar tightness in his stomach. It worried him at first.
Love was a foreign feeling for him and he accepted early on in his life that he would most likely never feel it, and just as easily, never receive it. But then you appeared. So suddenly and unexpectedly. You taught him how to feel and that it’s okay to feel in the first place.
Despite everything.
His eyes traveled up your frame as he reached forward, a large calloused hand gently resting on the curve of your hips. His thumb brushed back and forth on your smooth skin, the smooth texture somehow working to bring him back to reality.
“Yeah,” he responded quietly, tilting his head into her hand briefly, relishing in the affection he was starved of for so long. With a final squeeze to your hip, he guided you back so he could stand to his full height and stretch his tired bones.
A smile spread across your face, watching him grunt and groan when his back popped.
“Careful, old man,” you teased him, “we wouldn’t want you breaking anything.”
This earned a well deserved glare from over his shoulder, something you couldn’t help but laugh at. At the beginning of your relationship, you couldn’t imagine joking with him like this. He was still somewhat closed off when you met.
But now, you don’t need to worry about a filter for your words. He loved every bit of you, including the bold way you spoke.
Once you both made it into the master bathroom, you turned your back to Enji and began taking off your jewelry whilst he turned on the water and set the temperature.
The only reason it wasn’t scalding, was because you were here. Not everyone can withstand molten.
“Come here,” you said softly, turning to face him and holding your hand out, palm up. His hand fit into yours like a puzzle piece despite the difference in size. You complimented each other in a way.
Slipping off his wedding band, you set it next to your own on the counter— making sure to place it in the decorative jewelry dish by the sink. You had lost an earring down the drain once before, so now neither of you took any chances.
The next few moments were spent undressing with interrupted glances at each other’s bodies. You both knew that sex was out of the question tonight as he was too exhausted, but that didn’t mean you couldn’t admire the beauty your husband presented.
“Is that new?” You asked, pointing to a never before seen scar right on his elbow— almost completely out of sight.
”Yes. I think it was a month ago from the villain who could manipulate metal,” he explained calmly, knowing you were just worried about him.
He wasn’t used to that either. Even after being together for this long, he wasn’t used to being fussed over. He was raised to take care of himself and that worries like these were pathetic. He silently thanks his children every day for teaching him differently.
You as well. Oh, what would he do without you?
”Well, I’m just glad you’re alright,” you replied with a smile, brushing your hand over the scar. Yes, you worried over him. It was only natural— but he could handle himself, and if there was something seriously wrong, he would tell you.
You trusted him like no other.
During your shower together— you held him in your arms before any washing could partake. The water beat down on his back while the warmth of his body made up for the lack of steaming water on yours.
You washed his hair for him, and helped him scrub his back and his arms while he rinsed out the shampoo from his hair. Then he did the same to you.
If someone had told Enji that he would have a chance to experience this level of domesticity and affection years ago, he would’ve never believed them.
Probably accusing them of being a villain. Poor hypothetical citizen.
Enji dressed himself in the bedroom while you stayed in the bathroom to take care of your hair, running the blow dryer for a limited amount of time so as to not be too loud and disturb the peace.
Once you were finished, you folded your towel and tossed it into the hamper along with yours and Enji’s clothes. You didn’t shy away from being nude around your husband— not having any reason to. You were both adults and have seen the ugliest parts of each other. Why not show off the beautiful?
“Let me help,” Enji’s deep voice finally reached your ears when he watched you approach your lotions sitting on top of your dresser.
“It’s okay, honey. You don’t have to,” you spoke to him reassuringly, really not wanting to make him feel entitled to help you. He was way more stressed than you have ever been, he deserved to rest.
“I want to.”
His assurance was firm— he wasn’t going to take no for an answer.
“You’ve done so much for me, it is my turn to return the favor.”
That was one of Enji’s flaws. He always felt like he had to pay people back when they offered him help, even if he never asked for it. He didn’t like feeling like he was in debt to people. He wanted to help. His job was to help. Not be helped.
A small smile spread across your lips and you nodded once to him, giving in and accepting his offer.
He ended up on his knee before your spot at the end of the mattress— insisting you settle your foot against his lower thigh so he could rub the lotion into your legs more efficiently.
His hands were strong and heavy upon your skin. His warmth combined with the rare softness the lotion gave him was almost heavenly.
While you were nowhere near as active as he was, you still spent your days on your feet— ending them with your calves sore and thighs slightly burning— and not the good kind of burning.
It was then that you realized the reason Enji had offered to do this in the first place. He knew that. He notices the way you lean against the kitchen counter when you think he isn’t looking. He knew how sore you were because he saw those same mannerisms in himself.
”Oh so you’re sneaky now,” you said in a mockingly accusatory tone, rolling your eyes at the way he glanced up at you— giving you nothing but a sly smile to go off of.
Either way, you were stuck now. The roles have been reversed and there was no fixing it until he decided he was finished.
Admittedly, being under the covers with Enji could sometimes be a pain— considering how warm he was. But it was a cold night tonight. Cold enough to give you a perfect excuse to huddle up in your husband’s strong arms and hide your face against his chest.
It was intimate, in a sense. The lights were off, only having the occasional glare of moonlight through the window— legs and arms tangled with Enji’s low breaths and hushed snores adding ambiance.
The sounds of him did wonders in lulling you to sleep. You even believed the calm atmosphere to affect your dreams.
You haven’t had a nightmare in years.
Thanks to Enji.
ignore if this seems a bit rushed, because it sort of was when i first wrote it. it was a personal comfort thing that i decided to post last minute </3
#my hero academia#boko no hero academia#mha#bnha#endeavor#endeavor mha#endeavor bnha#enji todoroki#enji todoroki x reader#enji todoroki x you#endeavor x reader#endeavor x you
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Ugh okay I'm about to get very not silly.
Content warning for: Sexual Assult, Body image issues, self harm, probably some depression.
Hmm. I want to talk about this incase I can give strength to anyone else. I know my problems are not as bad as others, but that doesn't mean it doesn't hurt and it's not valid.
Ive mentioned my fear of small children, I've mentioned really not liking a family friend (to a point that being forced to stay in a cabin with them made me feel so bad I dug my nails into my skin and scarred my arm and hand)
This all partly relates to one incident many years ago. I dont remember how old I was? Must have been earlier middle school?
The family friends I'm referring to have a son. He's a lot younger than me. He's neurodivergent in some way, he doesn't have the best idea of social anything.
I was staying at the family friends' cabin, my family and theirs. There was a guest cabin. I had just taken a shower to clean off the lake water. I was standing in the guest cabin looking at myself in the mirror by the beds, brushing my hair. I had major body image issues with good ol' puberty. I hated how I looked and i felt shameful when my shirt clung to my chest extra tight. I knew I would dry off more, and it would be less form fitting. I thought i could just stay in the guest cabin until then.
Then all the little kids, the boy and my two sisters, burst in, chasing each other around as kids do. I was still brushing my hair.
Something immature boys find funny is the word "boobs" he laughed at me and kept repeating the word. I adjusted my shirt as best I could I wanted to tell him off, but I was scared I would get in trouble if I made him upset.
I went back to looking in the mirror and brushing my hair. He ran past, giving my boob a poke as he sprinted out the door, my sisters in tow. That was it. That is what the warning was for. A touch. Over in a second.
I was panicked, I didn't know what to do. I sat on the bed for awhile, crying and thinking of what to do. It felt like forever. And as embarrassing as it is to say... at that time in my mind I felt as if it was my fault, as if I had a sign pointing to me saying "touch me". And with that in mind, I calmed myself down, told myself i wouldn't say anything, and walked back to the main cabin.
And when I walked in, it was tense. The boy was getting a talking to from his mother, and mine walked over to me.
She asked me if i was okay.
I said I was fine, confused. Thinking its not like he shoved me, punched me, hurt my physically. My mind did not corelate the emotional anguish rushing though my head as I felt even more shame that people knew. that they had told on themselves somehow.
I was not okay, i am still not okay. And it really sucks. I can't blame everything on one incident. But oh man can I corelate a lot of my problems with that incident.
Tight clothes made me feel like scum. Ive only ever worn sports bras that leave me with terrible chest pain. I still cant stand a tight fitting shirt, a v-neck. I can't stand my feminine traits. Because that's what got me into the mess in the first place.
Something so small can mess you up so much. And I'm sick of not acknowledging it. Everyone has forgotten or said nothing. And I feel like I'm going crazy.
So if you made it this far, your struggles are valid. Your feelings are valid. No matter what happend, everyone takes things differently.
And i don't know if I'll can call this sexual assault, but it feels like it was, and that's what should matter.
Everyone stay safe
#cw vent#SERIOUSLY IT IS NOT GOOD#cw sa#cw sh mention#cw body image#thunder's rumbles#i dont feel like taging anything else.#i dont know my online status after this but ill keep moink blog going
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I havnt read those books in the shadowhunter chronicles yet, what are your favorite things about them? (Im curious whether I should read them or not since I have such a big tbr already)
Oh maaan you're in for a ride
I have no idea which series in the Shadowhunter Universe you meant exactly but i'll start with my fav
Part I:
The Dark Artifices:
Do you ever feel like your soul needs a good mix of romantic pining, chaotic battles, and emotional devastation? The Dark Artifices is calling your name.
But seriously if you love stories that combine heart-pounding action, deep family bonds, and characters so real you’ll find yourself thinking about them long after you've finished the books? This is the series for you!
This series follows a family of Shadowhunters in sunny Los Angeles (yes, there are beaches AND demon fights) as they deal with forbidden love, ancient laws that make no sense, and plot twists that will leave you staring at the ceiling at 3 AM like: what just happened.
It’s got:
Two people who can’t be together because of reasons but have enough chemistry to destroy you.
A goofy warlock with more secrets than anyone is ready for.
A soft boy who paints and probably writes poetry but will absolutely murder you if you hurt his siblings and childhood friend.
A broody faerie loner who says “I work alone” but would probably die for his friends.
“I would die for my siblings, but also, they’re so annoying” energy.
Found-family dynamics that will have you texting your friends, “DO YOU SEE THIS?”
And, of course, the *painful but addictive* mix of love, loyalty, and chaos...
Enemies-to-lovers? No, wait—friends-to-lovers? Actually, it’s more like "reluctantly obsessed but too emotionally constipated to say it."
Three people staring dramatically at each other like ‘Is this polyamory or a REALLY complicated love triangle?
Characters who will make you scream, “JUST COMMUNICATE,” but you’ll love them anyway.
Enough family angst to fuel a therapy session for years.
A genius, autistic boy who solves mysteries but can’t solve the mystery of his own feelings
Main characters? Let’s just say there’s a parabatai bond that’s more complicated than your high school crush.
The plot? Fast-paced, full of betrayal, and packed with vicious fight scenes.
The family? Everything is fine...except when it’s not.
The romance? You’ll laugh, you’ll cry, you’ll probably scream and definitely ship things that should not be shipped. :)
Basically a murder mystery, faerie politics, and the most relatable struggle of all: Trying to keep your family alive and well while the world is falling apart.
Fair warning: you’ll never emotionally recover (and you’ll love every second).
part II:
The Mortal Instruments:
If you’re looking for a fast-paced urban fantasy series full of adventure, humor, and heart, you need to pick up The Mortal Instruments.
It’s got everything: shadowy secrets, epic battles, forbidden love, and enough twists and turns to keep you hooked from start to finish. Plus, the friendships and family bonds will hit you right in the feels.
If you like:
Hot people with emotional trauma
Family dynamics so messy even you would say "y’all need therapy"
Enemies-to-lovers-to-enemies-to-allies-to-love(maybe) but make it *gay*
Bonus gay dads with actual functional communication (because someone has to balance the chaos)
A love triangle that's not technically a triangle, but don't worry, it'll still destroy your soul
If you do then babe, let me introduce you to The Mortal Instruments:
It’s like Twilight, but everyone fights better is hotter and has sarcasm set to ✨maximum damage✨.
You'll question the characters' life choices, then realize your own aren’t much better.
There’s an overachieving golden boy with a superiority complex who definitely Googles his own name but is secretly baby.
A girl who just wants to vibe and maybe not be surrounded by apocalypses, but alas.
A cinnamon roll nerd who says, “I don’t want to be here,” but somehow ends up saving the day every time.
And a guy who walks in like: "I’m too goth for this mess," but then adopts everyone and pays for dinner.
The Mortal Instruments is what happens when an ex fanfic writer starts a writing carrier and makes a book series: chaotic, emotional, weirdly self-aware, and packed with heart. Read it. Your inner emo kid will thank you.
Bonus:
The plot? Like Supernatural on speed.
The dialogue? Whedon-esque but with more sass per square inch.
The drama? Every fanfic writer wishes they wrote this level of ✨chaotic bisexual disaster energy✨.
If this sounds appealing, congratulations! This series was literally written for you.
part III:
The Infernal Devices:
The Infernal Devices by Cassandra Clare is an absolute gem of a series, blending romance, adventure, and a touch of Victorian-era steampunk. If you love books with unforgettable characters, heart-wrenching love triangles (in the best way), and a beautifully atmospheric setting, this is the series for you.
It’s full of witty banter, emotional depth, and a story that stays with you long after you turn the last page. Trust me—there’s no ‘right’ team to root for, but you’ll love every moment of trying to decide.
The plot? Wild.
The romance? Devastating.
The side characters? Hot, chaotic, and probably more interesting than the main ones in most other books you’ve read.
Let’s not forget:
The Victorian Aesthetic™ (it’s giving Pinterest board).
A robot army that would make Skynet say, “You okay, bro?”
Poetry recitals that feel like life-or-death declarations.
And more tragic backstories than a Shakespearean play.
It's got:
a steampunk version of London where demons and shadowhunters roam the cobblestone streets, and your biggest problem isn’t the fog, but the ✨existential dread✨.
There’s a protagonist who just wanted to read books but accidentally became the center of everyone’s emotional drama (relatable queen).
A golden retriever boy who’s so perfect it physically hurts and is slowly dying.
And a sad boy™️ who looks like he stepped straight out of a My Chemical Romance album, only with a reading obsession.
A love triangle where instead of fighting, the two love interests are like, ‘Hey, what if we all just loved each other?’
Friendships so deep they’ll make you scream, “WHY CAN’T THE WORLD LET THEM BE HAPPY?”
A heroine who’s like, ‘Do I choose the guy who might secretly hate himself more than anyone else alive, or the literal angel in human form?’ (Spoiler: she chooses both. Iconic.)
Brooding boys who quote poetry in life-or-death situations (because of course they do).
*A love triangle where instead of fighting, the two love interests are like, ‘Hey, what if we all just loved each other?’
Start with Clockwork Angel and get ready to laugh, cry, and ugly sob over Will, Jem, and Tessa. But be warned: this series will RUIN you in the most beautiful way possible.
I won't write a summary of The Last Hours since i haven't finished it yet sorry babes, but hope you liked these *mwa*
#the dark artifices#the shadowhunter chronicles#tsc#tda#the mortal instruments#tmi#the wicked powers#the last hours#tlh#the infernal devices#tid
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ok i swear i'm not going to talk about my breakup forever but the thing that just keeps bothering me:
i know that not getting what you need in a relationship is a COMPLETELY valid reason to end it but also. i feel like having a very vulnerable moment where i opened up about my struggles with intimacy and being relieved that i didn't have to keep doing things i wasn't comfortable with, then being dumped a YEAR later because of my lack of intimacy. is something i should be allowed to be very hurt by???
#ramble#sorry i'm currently in a phase of 'of course this happened' and 'oh i deserve this because i didn't give him what he wanted'#like he knew i was grey ace since the start. and he let it go on for SO long after i said i might be vaguely aro as well#if that's a dealbreaker for you bc of your love language then FINE but NIP IT IN THE BUD#he said he put it off because he didn't want to hurt my feelings but it only hurt me MORE#like you're an adult. grow the fuck up and communicate like one#holding your negative feelings in hoping somebody notices you're hiding them is what TEENAGERS do#and also i told him VERBATIM: i didn't think anyone would ever love me because i'm not comfortable with xyz. and he just confirmed that#idk i still feel like i'm being selfish because how could i expect someone to be in a relationship with me when i can't give them anything#also tmi but it's not like we did NOTHING. we still held hands/cuddled/were close. he just didn't have his tongue down my throat anymore#so obviously i'm assuming by 'missing affection' he just meant sex and as an ace person that just fucking sucks#also oh my god i HATED how much he would imply we were going to have sex. i would have to keep SAYING 'i don't like doing this'#he always spoke like it was inevitably going to happen and it didn't click how GROSS i felt about it until recently#also ALSO not to go there but i never told him WHY i struggle with it (it's sensory issues)#and like. what if something had happened to me that made it hard for me and i just wasn't ready to tell him. and then he did this#again sorry to overshare this is still just a lot for me and i have no idea if i'm being unreasonable#if you're ace and in a relationship please let me know bc i'm starting to think it'll end this way every single time
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horror having crazy irrational thoughts about food,,,,, like bro thinks there's poison in the cupcakes. someone snuck razor blades into the bread and once he takes a bit it'll cut him up. somehow there's mold growing inside the bananas and when he eats it the mold colony is gonna start growing on HIM and then he'll become a moldy skeleton and oh god and oh god and he is paranoid but hes so hungry.... BUT WHAY ABOUT BUGS IN THR FOOD,,,, BUT HES HUNGRY.... a struggle it truly is
probably doesnt help that dust and killer could feed into it. killer could make off hand remarks on how he snuck razor blades into the meat horror's attempting to eat (to fuck around with horror. just some eeeever so slight psychological anguish. and also because killer would just be the type of casually carry those around. what for you may ask well decide for yourself) and then immediately horror's mood drops and he storms out of the dining room. dust and horror go on a sweet little picnic in a beautiful field and its all beautiful and inconspicuous but dust made the food and horror knows that look in his eyes. horror knows dust was muttering something about chemicals a day or 2 ago. the food is poisoned isnt it??? and dust just smiles and motions for horror to eat it
#imagine being starved and then you hang out with two guys who make food dangerous#imagine the dread. the rational part of his mind telling him not to eat it but his instincts are so so so hungry#horror eats the food because it genuinely looks so good but he knows he just fucked up#they make eachother so SO worse........ they are SO bad for eachother its amazing#and horror probably can't cook all that well too so he definitely needs to learn which is a whole other struggle with his eating issues#MAKE THEM BREAK UP ALREADY THEY CAUSE TOO MUCH SUFFERING FOR EACH OTHER 💔💔💔#sorry triglycercule but no 🧡 they deserve to suffer together as retribution for everything they did#sometimes i feel like this angry torturous mtt that all hate eachother is a bit too ooc#but then again..... god is it so fun to come up with ideas for the mtt to hurt eachother#its so delicious 🧡 like dust's poisoned food! horror eats more because it tastes so good#but he can feel the poison kicking in. he can feel his body slowly start to ache and his movements slow as he eats more and more#and soon he can't move. he's paralyzed and in pain in this flower field with dust#and as he starts to pass out he reaches his hand out a bit for dust. just for the smallest bit of comfort#horror's absolutely furious at him for poisoning him but dust still holds his hand back#dust holds horror in his arms with a smile as they lay in the flower field enjoying the moment#as if you didn't just fucking poison the fuck but whatever that's horrordust for you!#dont worry horror gets him back by stealing papyrus's scarf and ripping some of it off to wear in front of dust#he sews a little patch of the scarf onto his jacket and dust is staring at that shit. that is a TAUNT#yeah this is papyrus's scarf. what are you gonna do about me ripping some of it huh? poison me AGAIN???#theyve all grown tolerances for different poisons because the mtt genuinely cannot stop trying to kill eachother#killer sans#dust sans#horror sans#murder time trio#tricule hc#god i struggle to differentiate because hc and rant so much because i swap around and change hcs so frequently that there isnt consistency#ive now decided that rants MUST be substantially longer and less put together to be a rant and not a hc. and that shall be DECREED#utmv#sans au
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*gulp* deacon/iris "please just kiss me" intimacy ask........ NYE party- (i am shot)
@oldworldwidgets — [ intimacy prompts ]
It's in the stars, it's been written in the scars on our hearts
We're not broken, just bent, and we can learn to love again
pose reference
#if u need me I'm gonna be on the floor thinking abt the doomed love of the disaster besties#aud.. aud my love my darling.. this little scene we crafted has been rotating nonstop in my brain for months#it has fundamentally ruined me#but it's so perfect it hurts so good I love seeing the lines blurring I love them not being able to get it right#struggling to communicate through the heartache *chefs kiss*#him.. him being the one to ask..#I am unwell you are always sending me banger prompts my dear AND you always know how to help put my chaotic ramblings in the perfect words#OUGH miss aud oldworldwidgets I love you with my entire heart and soul you are such a ray of sunshine in my life#also I still have the other two intimacy prompts u sent me for them in my back pocket.....#I've had some ideas of how they can spend the night on the roof under the stars together......#more on that later#ANYWAY#ilysm I am blowing you so many kisses rn#finally the people get to know who miss iris really kissed on new years eve on this fine day of *checks watch* valentine's day#(sorry nicky ✌😔 just bestie things u know how it is)#my art#sole survivor#fallout#fallout 4#fo4#deacon#deacon fallout 4#deacon fo4#oc x canon
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OKAY OKAY OKAY YOU GUYS BUT WHAT IF!!
What if, in the last few minutes of 7x10, we cut to Frank in his office. The camera is focused on him so we don’t know who’s on the couch across from him.
He’s mentioning the last time the person was there, that they were talking about intimacy & their partner and worries about the future (throwback to Athena on the first episode & Bobby in the cruise ship arc), and Frank asks the person how it’s going…
AND THEN IT PANS TO EDDIE IN THE ROOM LOOKING UNCOMFORTABLE AND UPSET AND KIND OF A MESS AND HE SAYS SOMETHING ALONG THE LINES OF: “I realized I couldn’t commit to Ana or Marisol in the way I thought I should because they’re not what I wanted. I don’t think I like women.” A pause. A breath. “And I think that’s because I’m in love with my best friend.”
END SEASON ROLL CREDITS YOU’LL HAVE TO COME BACK IN S8 TO SEE HOW IT PLAYS OUT.
#911 abc#evan buckley#eddie diaz#buddie#oliver stark#ryan guzman#tim minear#Tim if you use this I will love you FOREVER#I think it would be so funny to start & end the season in Frank’s office#with characters trying to get to the nitty gritty of why they’re feeling things & what they’re ACTUALLY struggling with#idk what would lead to Eddie’s revelation in the last episode maybe another NDE#I’ve always thought that Chris was going to be the one to get them together so maybe something happens to him/he gets hurt#& whether Buck’s with Tommy or not he still comes when Chris needs him because he’s a PARENT & a PARTNER#and he already has a family and Eddie realizes then that he doesn’t need a mother figure for Chris when they already have a Buck#goddamn it i think i just had another fic idea#911#911 s7#911 s7 e10 spec#they haven’t even written it yet so it coULD TOTALLY HAPPEN#bisexual evan buckley#also GIVE ME EDDIE LEARNING WHAT DEMISEXUALITY IS IN THERAPY#demisexual eddie diaz#gay eddie diaz#they are in love#& I need them to realize it#the buckley diaz family#I saw someone say that Buck needed to understand his sexuality to realize his feelings for Eddie#and Eddie needed to realize his feelings for Buck to understand his sexuality & that feels VERY true to me
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hey guys who wants another round of tmi
#ive been#this entire day has been a lot and i have no idea how to feel about it#i've never cried this much in an entire day and i can't stop myself from tearing up but it's not because of something sad or traumatic i'm#not used to being loved. or appreciated. or meant to feel like i belong anywhere. i've struggled with being excluded and ostracized and it#has been an uphill battle for a long time and deep down despite my many attempts to heal and get better i've always felt like something was#fundamentally wrong with me. it has been wrong with me from the start and whatever evidence to the contrary ive gotten was rationalised awa#by fluke or maybe people like me because of what i can provide and what i can do for them and not because of who i am and who i am will#always be tolerated or ignored at best and i genuinely was not expecting anyone but a few close friends to care about this and just. andjus#i think something in me is healing and it's still hard to accept but i can conceptualize it and any negative thought in my brain is being#countered by “hey why would you think that when people care about you” and i know it is obvious right. its something i should know but it#has always been so hard to believe that anyone would and the fact that it's hitting right now? i cant fucking stop crying#its almost fucking embarrassing im like this. im a grown ass adult. why the fuck am i still crying like this. i fucking hate trauma man#keeps making me feel like im that kid who was never loved in the ways that mattered. sorry im just#thankful. grateful. i feel like some parts of that gaping wound is stitching itself together and i cant stop crying and for once im not#crying because i'm being hurt. i'm just grateful to be here. genuinely fucking grateful that i'm alive#funny isnt it. how much love can save you if you let it#tmi#rant#embarrassed myself enough i think#sorry about that we'll go to our regularly scheduled ghoap program soon enough#i'll be okay
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//ableism mention tw
ok just gonna say something really quick: i absolutely hate Abe's characterisation in the reboot of Clone High because it is nothing like how he acted in season 1 and it just. isn't funny. they've turned this good-intentioned but flawed loser kid who just wants to be like the original Abraham Lincoln but doesn't know how to, into a self-centered and arrogant asshole who literally almost said a horrible ableist slur twice in the first episode. like. i'm being serious, he almost says the R-slur twice in the same minute and i dunno about you but i really don't find it very funny when a) the only "joke" behind it is "oh look at how bad Abe is compared to the more progressive sensitivities of the new generation of clones, isn't he just terrible", and b) they felt the need to completely rewrite a pre-existing character that fans are already attached to to do something against his own morals for the sake of a shitty joke, and c) TOPHER WAS RIGHT THERE!!! isn't he supposed to be the asshole or am i missing something?? like...
i'm not saying you can't have "edgy" or "dark" comedy or whatever, but personally, i don't find it very funny when a character that actually means quite a lot to me and is one of my favourites is twisted and rewritten into an arrogant asshole in an apparent attempt to appeal to the people who hate Abe for his flaws in the original show. especially when he's rewritten to be someone who would say a slur that's literally been used against my fellow disabled peers, myself included. it just feels... wrong. it actually hurts a lot to see a character i once loved and found to be one of the funniest and most important characters in the show be turned into an arrogant dick, with barely any thought or meaning put into him. i don't like what they did with the rest of the OG cast as well (such as Joan making a complete 180 in her entire character, JFK's character assassination, the removal of Gandhi, Cleo barely being in it etc.), but to me, they did Abe the dirtiest in this season and i'm really disappointed that one of my favourite shows had to continue like this :(
#clone high#abe lincoln#rant#sorry this post is a little heavier than what i usually post on here but i just felt like i really needed to say this#abe from clone high is actually quite an important character to me and i'm still upset that he's been written so poorly in season 2#like he's a silly parody of a teen drama protag but honestly i think his struggles in the original series are actually really meaningful#like he's a little shy and doesn't exactly know how to express his ideas in the best way but wants to help and i just think that's so real#especially as someone who struggles with that myself#he has so much pressure to live up to the OG abraham lincoln and he really wants to be like him and tries but doesn't get it#i mean he even says something like that in episode 2 when joan and gandhi come to see him in his room and that's really relatable#so to see him so horribly misinterpreted as a selfish asshole really hurts me.#they've essentially done the thing where a fandom will tear apart the neurodivergent coded character#and write them off as selfish and arrogant and completely misinterpret everything about them#not saying that Abe is written to be neurodivergent but you get my point#it's kinda like that#he's relatable to me as an autistic person and a lot of his struggles are similar to what the autistic community experiences#also i'm sad that gandhi had to get removed because he's important to me too#he's actually one of my favourite ADHD reps on tv i've seen and he's just really funny#i know he was removed because people in India got offended and they probably don't wanna cause another incident like that again#but still it's such a shame he couldn't be included because he was a great character#also slightly unrelated but i think turning characters into a moral debate it stupid and often results in stuff like this happening#ableism mention#tw ableism mention
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my hot take about descendants is that NONE of the core four were ready for a relationship until maybe like, the third movie (rant in tags)
#they were still adjusting to living life without struggling to survive#a girl should not be jumping into a relationship the same week she just tried her first piece of non-rotten food lol#thats not to say I don't like the canon ships#but mal married literally the FIRST man she met in auradon. at 18.#and even as far as in descendants 2 we see them still struggling to adjust in different ways (mainly mal)#in d3 they seem to have fully assimilated into life in Auradon (as much as a VK can anyway)#so it makes sense for them to THEN seek out relationships if that's what they want.#but disney ofc wanted to act like romantic love just automatically fixes a person's problems ig?? as if a relationship wouldn't just be#added stress given the position the VKs were in in d1#not to mention dating just like. wasnt a thing on the isle (mal even says this)#and I get that the kids are craving to be loved because their parents didn't gaf about them. But I wish the first movie focused more on the#finding that love in each other than romantically with outside people. a sort of “they had love in them all along” moment.#and then this fandom loves to argue about whether Jarlos/Janelos was 'rushed'. at least Carlos (and Jay +lonnie) waited a few months before#throwing themselves into the dating scene. Poor evie had her heart broken within like 3 days of being in Auradon. no wonder she was willing#to help steal the wand lol.#Anyway to wrap up this rant I didn't even mean to go on#I just think that kids who have spent the first 14-16 years of their lives fighting to survive and being put through continuous trauma on a#daily basis don't need dating right away. they need THERAPY.#if anyone here has seen stranger things its kinda an El and Mike situation were its like. the girl grew up in a lab and fell for the first#boy in regular society who was kinda nice to her lol. thats how I view Mal and Ben#same with doug and evie. he was nicer than chad but he still fell for her for her looks and she still fell for him because he was the first#guy in auradon to be genuinely interested in her. also evie had a whole “I dont need a prince” arc and ended up with a man anyway?#my problem with janelos was always that Carlos never quite worked out his mommy issues or his anxiety. I feel like he'd be afraid of hurtin#her even though that boy wouldn't hurt a fly. and we see Jane get pretty stressed out herself- have you ever been in a relationship where#both of you have anxiety? cause it either goes really well (you help keep each other calm) or REALLY terribly (you make each other spiral)#I actually really liked Lonnie and Jay (though I feel like it would've had a bigger payoff if she was in d3. not sure why she wasn't but I#wont dunk on that because it couldve been smth to do with her actress). I think Lonnie is someone who can 'handle' Jay well and match his#energy. And I like the idea of Jay finding someone he's loyal to after being commitment-phobic for 1 1/2 movies and the whole first book lo#and ofc I have to throw this in here: any auradon kid the VKs get with is never going to grasp even half of what they went through.#this doesnt mean they can't try to understand and be empathetic. but it will always cast a shadow on VK/AK relationships.
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was gonna say smth else but this turned into a vent sorry everyone just ignore. typical weekend post on this blog u know how it is here we go👍
#wild ik so many ppl getting married meanwhile im over here struggling to convince myself my friends even care abt me or want me around#pathetic to admit but i cant even fantasise abt someone loving me bc im too insecure n emotionally unstable#my mind just shoots the idea down like whoa. unrealistic. ur incapable of expressing or receiving affection in any way that matters#no matter how badly u want to... and even if someone did well u wouldnt believe them most of the time#gotta get out of the fucking labyrinth first i couldnt inflict this shit on anyone i cared abt#but it makes me so desperately sad sometimes i dont know how im ever going to get out of this ive been trying for years and years#and im a little better at it snd i dont feel like this all of the time i know it just comes around and itll pass again#but im tired of being in so much emotional pain so frequently. and shouldering it so alone. theres such a disconnect between myself and#others and i dont know how to bridge that i don't know how to stop feeling so isolated and unwanted !!!!!! im trying so hard#it doesnt even bother me w relative strangers in my life like i dont get insecure at all around them i like meeting new ppl#bc theres like. no expectations i guess. like ik they dont care abt me personally and idk them well enough to do that either#and its fun but it doesnt satisfy needs that i have like i need to feel close + connected to ppl i need to care abt them + feel cared for#but as soon as i do start to care abt ppl it gets all tangled and i end up getting rly badly hurt over and over. thru no fault but my own#bc im constantly alienating myself and bc i struggle so much w shit like physical affection which is frustratingly rly critical for me!!!!#it wouldnt fucking matter if i didnt like or want affection ik some ppl are fine without i wish it worked like that for me#but nope instead i have to be constantly messed up over my complete fucking inability to express myself in any form#and ik it makes everyone around me so uncomfortable so it just becomes self reinforcing and eventually they drift and leave me behind#and i just do that over and over and over and every time ill tell myself ill do better ill try harder and itll get easier and someone will#and it happens again and right now im at the stage where the abandonment fear is starting to kick in which is awful n paralysing#and usually a precursor to actually being abandoned ehich is always my own fault bc i start behaving so erratically out of fear or defense#its self fulfilling and im trying. im trying so hard not to let it overwhelm me again and not to start acting out and freaking ppl out#and im coping with it okay i think but just hurts me a lot its all internal my rejection sensitivity is gradually ticking up and up#and argh!!!!!!!!! and some days im okay and some days its like this and i dont know what todo when its like this im so tired and in pain#its not even that bad today tbf. once im done typing this to get it out ill be able to do smth else and distract mysrlf for a bit#and then calling friends later too so exposure therapy innit. but itll be fun and i love them but i will probably also feel very bad after#or even possibly during but thats okay ill still manage fine im not going to let it interfere i dont want it controlling my fucking life#i am going to have a nice time and be okay despite it all. even if i do have to fucking battle this every day forever#and even if it stops me living my life to the extent i want and feeling as ok as i want i just have to come to terms with and be ok w it#and im not going to be!!! a fucking asshole abt it!!! i dont want to hurt anyone else thats the most important thing no matter how i feel#thr rest is all secondary and ik i cant help a few little bumps here and there but trying hardest to keep it separate its not negotiable
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Since sifloop getting together isn't planned for this fic... I'm the meantime, do you have any headcanons or ideas for ways they might get together/confess/realize they have feelings for each other? How might the whole clone situation factor into all that?
SO HERE'S THE THING. i already have a plan for them to get together in another fic after ghostlight is over and i don't want to spoil the absolute clusterfuck i have planned there ❤
HOWEVER. i will share a bit of a funny au (for my own goddamn fic universe) where the confession goes a bit differently. the basic conceit for that is that in a combination of accidental and purposeful wish craft from isabeau loop AND siffrin chucks isabeau into a romcom style timeloop where he has to confess. you'd think this would be an easy ask but due to varying mental issues and poor communication it doesn't go super well LMFAO. for the sake of not spoiling ******** **** (the get-together fic) i don't want to go super in depth about it but it's a wild ride for sure. ask me about it one day once ******** **** is posted
i will also say that siffrin realizes he's crushing on loop first but due to extenuating circumstances he does not tell them or isa. bless their heart
#chatter#me struggling to talk around my planned plotpoints#i like censoring ******** ****. like it's in witness protection#but yeah i currently have like... 2 planned fics still#one i'm actively writing (slash rewriting) currently#and the next is ******** **** which is when the sloopisers will finally get a W#**** ** *** (the one i am working on) god willing won't even be half as long as ghostlight. god willing.#******** **** i have no idea. we'll find out together !#sorry gamers we're stuck with their bizarre weird fruity unnameable relationship for a while longer. it hurts me too#every day i send a snippet to my betas of loop being a fucking moron with the caption “i have to put them in a blender.”#also if anyone guesses either of these titles. i don't know. free snippet of the fic they're from or something#i do not think it will happen though ❤
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