'This is torture.'
Fuyu sat at the open door, looking wistfully out at the sky, as a breeze blew through.
You had been away for just two days on business, and the whole time he had truly felt your absence.
On the first morning he awoke without you laying next to him he was almost certain, he was going to cry. And going back to bed that night alone left him just as restless.
He had been used to a lonely home and an empty bed. Years of solitude had made him accustomed to the somber feeling of isolation. Before you, he would've shrugged it off as for the best. A pain worth feeling for the duty he must see through. He would've bared it all with an expressionless face and a stone cold will.
But that was before you. Back before he tried living again. Back before he started to truly feel like himself again. And now that he was here, that he was himself again, that he finally found respite from the grief and solace--
he couldn't stand it.
He had missed you before. Had seen you depart plenty of times. But somehow now, it was different.
More hallow. More Sorrowful. More painfully, achingly lonely.
It this what people meant when they say something 'hits different'?
Hm, perhaps. But no matter to him right now. He's too busy being consumed by his sorrows.
Wallowing in his deep regrets...
Mourning all his mistakes and the time they had wasted...
As he continued to stare listlessly at the open sky, watching the clouds roll past and hearing the rustle of the trees as the cup of tea he held warmed his hands-- he felt so empty. So very very empty...
'This softened heart of mine...' he thought, 'it's so much more tender... so easily pained... what a pitiful beast I've become...'
As he let out a sigh and took a sip of his tea, he suddenly heard the front door open.
In a flash he was on his feet and making his way to it.
"Fuyu--" he heard your voice as he approached and he felt his heart leaping, "I'm hom-- oh! There he is!"
You were setting your bags down but the moment your eyes met his face you beamed. And in that moment Fuyu felt his heart warm and ache all at once. Just seeing you home felt like such a comfort, and all you were doing was setting down your things...
"God you're a sight for sore eyes. You would not believe the--" You paused your small talk as you looked back up at him, "Fuyu? What's wrong?" suddenly your face was painted with concern and Fuyu snapped into self awareness.
He had been frozen at the sight of you. Overcome with a sense of relief, and his eyes were beginning to water. He hadn't noticed, until he saw your smile, how uneasy and deary his mind had become. His relapse into loneliness had had him spiraling into sorrow.
He was still processing his state he looked towards you, and your expression turned sympathetic, as you spread your arms wide.
"Come here Love." Your voice was like a song and two arms had never looked so welcoming. He practically stumbled forward, landing on his knees before you, your arms wrapping warm around him as he barred his face in your chest.
He clung to you like a frightened child. He had never been so vulnerable around another person. And you were responding with a loving kindness he did not deserve.
You let out a soft laugh as you asked,
"Did you miss me?"
You were joking a bit, but his response from coming from his very soul.
"Yes." He said, holding you tighter.
You laughed again, sweet and sympathetic. Then you held him tighter too, and you felt so warm and real.
"I missed you too."
You two stood there like that for a moment, basking in the warmth of each other's arms. Then Fuyu felt a gentle hand pet his hair,
"How about I go make us some tea, and you can rest your head on my shoulders as you tell me all about it, Love?"
Fuyu's hands gripped you lightly,
"N-not yet... I..." he nuzzled his face into your stomach, "I need another moment... Just a bit longer..."
You smiled, kissed the top of his head, and held him once more.
"Of course dearest."
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I miss the times when zhanyi had moments like this:
I mean...tianshan is my favourite ship right now but years ago, I started reading 19 days because of zhanyi.
After re reading the comic for n'th times, I can see after jian yi's confession their development got slower and then story focused mostly on tianshan. But I feel like zhanyi's development has come to full stop right now :( they haven't got any emotional or significant moment for a long time, they're like background characters to tianshan's story.
I mean yeah, years go old xian made a good decision to focus and develop tianshan's relationship because zhanyi were light years ahead of them, and zhanyi were finally got to some points, jian yi confessed and zheng xi accepted jian yi's feeling for him and after that zheng xi seemed to develop some romantic feelings for jian yi but oh well. We never saw anything after that (also I'm not happy with the way old xian is going with zheng xi's character, it seems like he doesn't have any character out of jian yi anymore and he doesn't have any close relationship or significant interaction with he tian or mo like jian yi does,it's like his purpose of existence is only because of jian yi, I could go on but that's literally a different topic)
I know they are together in future, in Christmas chapters they seem to be living together, but their development has been so dry that I keep questioning myself how old xian is gonna make them a thing.
I can only hope for old xian to take a look at them and be like: oh yeah they're the main couple I need to start focusing on them too!
after tianshan officially became canon, I thought that old xian is gonna give zhanyi some major development to move their relationship from sided love to mutual feelings but it doesn't seem we're going back to zhanyi anytime soon. I believe zheng xi is in love with jian yi already"I'll go wherever you go" was his way of telling it, or jian yi's "no matter what happens, don't ever leave me". I wish we saw their reactions to these indirect love confessions.
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