#I simply don’t think Thor would have given up on Loki even if Loki stabbed him sorry

[worstloki]

My issue with Thor not ‘realizing’ why Loki was acting off in Avengers 1 isn’t that Thor didn’t recognise Loki was acting unlike himself—Thor did note that—or that Thor didn’t figure out what was wrong—he did try asking—it’s more along the lines of Thor giving up, and that he accepted Loki was bad now within two days while knowing something was off when Thor himself behaved just as bad for much longer before without any specific compromising event.

[lonelyghosts-stuff]

Loki-Character Analysis (and Rant lol)

Idk if anyone will see this and I frankly don't care too much, just kind of ranting and venting. (for context I am not necessarily in the healthiest head space as of now so my emotions could be more extreme than they normally would be)

Loki's death is really hitting hard for me again. The fact he went from a mischievous kid who just wanted his father's recognition, to sabotaging his brother's coronation to lead up to defeating the Jotuns for his father and proving himself worthy as Thor, in the process finding out his life was a lie and that he himself was a Jotun who was abandoned, to giving up his life only to be found by Thanos to be threatened and manipulated (idc what anyone says, Loki was definitely tortured during his time with Thanos. How else could you explain how sickly and gaunt he looked when he first showed up in Avengers?) to losing his mother and protecting a mere mortal just because his brother cared for her, also willing to sacrifice himself for her and his brother, to finally having a period of success, only to witness his father die, see his home destroyed, and then ultimately get killed by Thanos as he tried to kill him to protect Thor.

He had an arc. He grew. And then he died. While we will get Loki in the new Disney+ series, he will never be the same Loki unless they find a way to implant the experiences of the prime Loki into this one. While I have no doubt he will be shown key points of his alter variant self's life, seeing them from an outer perspective cannot substitute for the experiences themselves.

Loki was such a complicated character who, while sometimes seeming inconsistent, was consistently inconsistent within the nature of his chaotic and mischievous character. He cared. He wanted recognition and to be viewed as equal to his brother. Along the way he got lost and found and twisted even more. Notice how in Thor 1, he never killed anyone other than Jotuns. While he did endanger other humans, he never killed them despite being easily able to do so with the destroyer automaton. And when it came to his brother, he had the perfect chance to blast him, but resorted to a backhand; and while that could have proven to be fatal, when it came down to it, Loki couldn't bring himself to do it the easy way. Deep down he still wanted to be on equal terms. That's why when Thor returned to Asgard, Loki kept instigating Thor, trying to rile him up so he would fight him. He ended up resorting to threatening harm upon Jane just to get his brother to treat him as equal and a worthy opponent. He denied familial connection to Odin and Thor, trying to convince himself that the reason he will never be viewed as equal with Thor is that he is a Jotun, the "monster parents tell their children about". In the end, when Odin still wouldn't show any more sympathy to Loki or try to reason with him, instead just telling him "no", Loki gave up. He was willing to accept whatever happened to him when he let go and he fell into the collapsing portal of the bifrost.

Cut to the first avengers, he is clearly very changed. He's sickly, gaunt, and weakened, needing support just getting onto the back of the truck for Clint Barton to drive him away on. His eyes are sunken in, he's greasy and slow, and borderline sociopathic. He clearly experienced something that turned him into this. We already know the scepter influenced his mind and that Thanos threatened him eternal suffering that would make pain look sweet if he didn't get the tesseract. But I steadfast refuse any statement someone could give me saying he wasn't tortured or manipulated by Thanos or his followers. Loki quickly goes in for the attack when he arrives on Earth, killing without hesitation or regret. When Thor confronts him on Stark tower, for even just the most fleeting second, he pauses. He knows what he's done and that he's gone too far. Even when he doesn't back down, he doesn't try to kill Thor. He simply, or, well, "simply" stabs him and runs off knowing very well it would take much more than that to kill his brother.

When he is brought to Asgard for imprisonment, his pride and guilt eat away at him. He refuses to acknowledge what he did as wrong to anyone, but he is very well aware of his actions the weight of them. The person who affects him the most being his mother, the one who always showed love for him and Thor equally. He tries to hide this knowledge, denying her being his mother as well since he is of Jotun blood, but he cares for her greatly still and can't help but feel guilty for how she sees him now. He still strives for chaos and when the Dark Elves invade, he mischievously points them in the direction of the throne room, not knowing their full capabilities, but living for the potential chaos to ensue. Of course this leads to his dear mother being killed. Loki is furious, broken, and lost. His actions have gone too far, causing the woman he loved the most and felt loved him more than anyone else to die. Thor can easily see through his illusions proving that Loki has shown his adoration for Frigga enough that even Thor knows of it. When they finally get to the Dark World, Loki tries getting under Thor's skin again, but also in an attempt to understand him. He prods at Thor's feelings for Jane and reminds him that her life is but a brief moment in their own lifetimes. They bicker and scuffle on the ride to their destination, but it is ultimately resolved by Loki's declaration that Thor can trust his rage, his rage at Frigga's death. When there, we see Jane in direct danger twice. Both times, Loki throws himself in harms way to protect her, seeing her both as vulnerable but also something that Thor cares for. Loki then proceeds to save his brother's life, being willing to sacrifice his own for him as well. Knowing his wound is not fatal, but also being fully aware of his skills in trickery and illusions, not only does Loki trick Thor into believing he is dead, but he also takes the opportunity to try to relieve his conscience; he apologizes. He then follows it up by saying that he didn't do what he did to make Odin proud or acknowledge him, not this time. He did it for the one who truly cared for him and showed it, Frigga. This gave Loki the opportunity to discreetly get back to Asgard and exile Odin and take his place. Now, Loki got the respect and adoration he felt he deserved. But it would only last for so long.

When Thor gets wind of Loki's antics, they both find themselves eventually facing down Odin and him passing away, but not before telling them that he's proud of them and loves them. Even Loki tears up here. He feels somewhat that it's his fault for Odin's passing, but he also feels empty after finally hearing Odin give him what he thought he always wanted. Hela arrives and Loki tries to reason with her; perhaps thinking he can relate to her and handle the situation. Unfortunately, Loki and Thor get separated for a while, eventually reuniting, but on opposite ends of the social class on Sakaar. Loki could easily continue to bask in his new status over Thor, but still decides to help him when h found him in the waiting area for the fighters (even though he eventually tried to betray him later when he realized he could regain what status he had and that he viewed escape futile and pointless with Hela still around). In the end, despite him having the chance to escape and run off, he returns to Asgard to help fight. He even proves key in defeating Hela as he revives Surtur, also grabbing the tesseract on the way. He doesn't hide. He doesn't show bitterness. He returns to the ship alongside his brother. (despite how much Waititi gave a middle finger to the writing and characterization of the characters, I am still trying my best to piece good Loki moments from Thor Ragnarok and fit it into Loki’s personality given that Ragnarok is considered MCU canon).

Thanos attacks. He has Thor in a precarious situation, threatening to kill him if Loki doesn't give him the tesseract. Loki tries to hold out as long as possible, knowing the consequences of giving it to the mad titan, but eventually yields when he sees no other way to save his brother; after giving it to Thanos, he immediately goes to Thor's side to protect him. When Thanos took down Hulk, Loki realizes the only chance they have to get out of there alive is to use his trickery. He proclaims himself Loki, prince of Asgard and, most impressively, Odinson. He accepts who he is. He acknowledges he is the rightful heir to Jotunheim, but he also knows that, even if not by blood, he is Thor's brother, and Odin and Frigga's son. Unfortunately, he rushes to action quite recklessly, potentially undermining the power Thanos has already with even just the two infinity stones he as acquired. Loki is killed. Neck snapped from the pressure of Thanos choking him. He died trying to protect his brother. Trying to fight for the good fight. Died at the hands of the man who twisted him in the first place and promised him suffering if he didn't deliver the tesseract.

Loki may have started out as a dark antagonist, then to a twisted villain, and eventually progressing to an Anti-Hero, but he died a hero.

This just breaks me. He was such a loveable and complicated character. He had many faults, faults he battled with every day. When it came down to it, he threw his own life down for his brother.

It upsets me he died so quickly and seemingly so pointlessly within the first ten minutes of Infinity War. But he also served a great, if I may, glorious purpose. He brought the Avengers together in the first place, and died trying to make sure another one of them, and his own brother, could live on to fight and stop Thanos.

Loki will always be my favorite character and hero and villain simultaneously in the MCU. And I couldn't thank Tom Hiddleston enough if I got the chance for his stellar performance of this fantastic and complicated character who helped bring the Avengers together, even if unintentionally.

[bebx]

What issues do you think Loki has?

Oh dear, where do we begin?

Personally I think Loki has a lot of issues. Like a lot of serious issues I’m gonna put a big trigger warning here; abandonment issues, trust issues, self-destructive tendencies and if these also count; jealousy, eating disorder(?), insomnia and/or night terror. These are what I can think of off the top of my head right now.

Abandonment issues. Obviously, he believes everybody is going to leave him in the end, it’s only a matter of time. It the end, they will realize he’s not someone who is loved (yes, I’m shamelessly reciting Jared Leto’s Joker quote here because it fits so well) and they will abandon him. He’s been abandoned before, been given up on before. His real father left him to die in the cold when he was born, his adoptive family, in Loki’s belief, gave up on him because they never went searching after his fall from the Bifrost. In the end, they all leave.

Trust issues. I think Loki’s struggling with this a lot and honestly, I can’t blame him considering he’s found out his entire life was a lie. I can see that Loki felt betrayed when he learned his true heritage. “You could’ve told me what I was from the beginning. Why didn’t you?” That, for me, felt like the last straw for Loki because the people who were supposed to be his family deliberately lied to him, and I think what hurt him the most wasn’t the fact he was a Frost Giant, the race that was considered lower than Aesir and was considered monsters, but the fact they — especially his mother whom he undoubtedly, wholeheartedly trusted — lied to him. They had their reasons, of course, but I don’t think Loki was in the condition to listen to their explanation when he was that shocked and hurt. And after that, I can see why he kinda pushed everybody away even though deep down, he wanted nothing more than their comfort (even if parts of him told him it would be yet another lie)

Self-destructive tendencies, it could be unintentional, and most of the time I doubted Loki was even aware of himself hurting his own self. It’s just that, in my opinion, Loki does not value his own life enough. He knows he isn’t immortal, but he still thinks it’s worth it if it means people he cares about get to live. As seen in TDW where he died saving Thor and in IW where he died saving Thor again. And I think part of the issue also has something to do with Odin’s outright telling him his birthright was to die — whether or not Odin meant it, it sure made Loki think he’s been living on borrowed time anyway. Or that he was supposed to die when he let himself fall into the void. So it doesn’t matter if he lives and his actions may be harmful to himself.

Jealousy. Loki has always been jealous of Thor. He loves him, but he’s also jealous of him because Thor’s the golden son. Odin loves Thor more. Thor has friends of his own while Loki has none (except Thor) Thor is stronger. In Loki’s belief, Thor is better in every way. Thor is... Thor, and, while in comparison, Loki was cast in the shadow. So it explains why he’s been so jealous of his brother ever since they were children.

I put a question mark next to eating disorder because I haven’t seen enough canon to say for sure. But in my opinion, Loki has the tendency of neglecting himself, which includes him not eating properly. It could be that he simply lost track of time and spent 24/7 in the library or in his room reading that he forgot he needed to eat, which would lead to either Frigga or Thor having to bring him something. Or if he’s stressed enough (and he’s definitely stressed a lot) he just lost his appetite all together.

Insomnia and/or night terror. I think he definitely has these after his fall from the Bifrost and into Thanos’ grasp. It got worse after he got stabbed through the chest on Svartalfheim and woke up alone. He definitely makes sure no one knows about this, no one hears his scream at night. He probably should talk to someone, but Loki never talks, especially about his issues so there’s that.

[kinnoth]

AVENGERS INFINITY WAR MEGATHREAD

-really doubt i'm gonna be able to finish this movie so we'll just see where i get to

- we already know how i feel about loki and thor, we don't need to revisit this

- ok but if i were going to revisit this, i mean come on, who wants to talk about "hela draws her power from asgard, same as you" cos i wanna talk about that

like what if that's the reason thor, god of thunder, king to a civilisation of warriors, was unable to fend off like, 4 dudes and a big purple dinosaur? the royal family of asgard draws its power from asgard, and without it, they are weak, they are mortal. maybe that's why heimdall is unable to just, you know, bifrost everybody off the fucking ship the minute it comes under attack. maybe that's why loki can't fucking conjure up a swarm of fucking microscopic knives to fillet the invaders from the inside out. MAYBE THAT'S WHY LOKI TRIES TO KILL THANOS WITH A FUCKING DAGGER. BECAUSE TAKE AWAY HIS POWER, TAKE AWAY HIS GODHOOD, WHAT DOES HE HAVE LEFT OTHER THAN HIS WILE, HIS TRICKS AND HIS BROTHER

WHAT IF IN SAVING THE UNIVERSE AND DESTROYING ASGARD, THEY'VE LOST EVERYTHING INCLUDING WHAT MAKES THEM GODS

somebody talk about this

- etc etc what if the reason loki is unable to attack the purple dinosaur with magic is because when he tackled thor earlier, he used whatever magic he had left to spare in order to heal him

checks out cos thor goes from flat on his face to swinging his fists in the space of like 30 seconds and the only thing to happen to him in between is said bit about loki tackling him

- why does heimdall save hulk? i mean, i could understand it if he were trying to aim the bifrost at thor and somebody somehow knocked off his aim and he accidentally saves hulk, but like, we've established that heimdall's loyalty is to the royal seat of asgard upon whom sits thor's mighty ass. thor who, in this scene, has just been incapacitated by a metal eggshell(?) and is at the mercy of their assailants. given heimdall's priorities, it is baffling to the point of inconceivability that he would preferentially save fucking HULK over his own king.

- if this next scene isn't the guardians of the galaxy coming across thor clutching loki's dead fucking body floating through space then i don't know why any of us are even here

- "he sent loki! the attack on new york was thanos!" makes no sense? like, if loki's scepter had the mind stone in it, which we established it did in the last movie when we broke it open to retrieve vision, then.....why didn't thanos just....take the mind stone in the first place? cos rock collecting is and has always been his goal?

what, do you think that just because you assert a thing makes us forget all the shit that happened before?

- i.....am actually with tony stark. why don't they just destroy the stones they have so that thanos can't get to them? oh, you made a promise? well promises change and circumstances change! you tell him tony! you tell that stupid fucker --

oh my god i'm gonna be ill

- i think the only person whose ego can match tony stark's is probably a neurosurgeon so 👍 i guess

-i love how we immediately went back to the "so dark can't see shit" aesthetic after ragnorak because ensuring that one's audience can SEE what is HAPPENING IN YOUR MOVIE is apparently for radical directors like taika waititi

- cannot believe that tony stark staring at captain america's phone number is being played with the same emotional intensity as thor losing his soulmate entire people

- honestly how many times is the mcu gonna invoke 9/11 imagery til someone calls them out for being terrorists

- lmao i know i said this before but peter's spidey senses tingling AFTER the giant alien anus has already started sucking up new york and it is right outside his window is fucking hilarious. that's just called using your eyeballs peter

- "friday notify first responders about the giant alien anus sucking up new york" lol like the first thing somebody did when the alien anus showed up wasn't to fucking call 911 GREAT IDEA TONY

- still can't believe that they let failed neurosurgeon dr strange do more magic than god of tricks and sorcery loki lol

- i know i rag on dr strange a lot about the fact that he's a neurosurgeon it's just that he sucks.

as a neurosurgeon eyy.

- i hate that peter parker has to be here!!!!! leave him alone!!!!!

- tony stark should not be allowed within 100 feet of children or minorities

- it is very weird to me that steve "brooklyn" rogers has an area code from georgia

- since when was hela a half-sister? ODIN'S DAUGHTER AND THOR'S BLOODED SIBLINGS OR BUST YOU FUCKING COWARDS

- i am very disappointed that thor is going to go get another weapon after we spent the whole last movie talking about how he is not the god of hammers

- i just need thor to have much more PTSD than he has right now. fucking hulk has ptsd. maybe they're saving the ptsd for later. one can only hope.

- i am glad that they are letting him be cleverer though

- THEY ARE LETTING VISION DATE A TEENAGER WHY

GOD. FUCKING GROSS.

- wait when did vision turn into a white man again? did i miss that movie?

- i am disappointed that vision the computer techno robot apparently has a penis. like what a stupid limitation to give your computer techno robot, gender. 🙄

- i think that the mass destruction of infrastructure and architecture in the MCU is because of the pg13 no blood limitation that disney has set? like there's no way to show destruction to the body, so one may only show the exponential destruction to one's surroundings. like imagine how much more dramatic intensity you could wring out of a regular fight scene would be if people were allowed to bleed?

- cannot believe that a computer techno robot and a witch are having a punch up with the bad guys. of all people to fight with something not their fists, it's these two

- wanda has no enhanced strength or durability? she's a regular teenager who's a bit witchy. the first time she got thrown through a glass door should have shattered her vertebrae. again i don't understand why we insist that everybody must have the same powers and capabilities when it's clear they don't. think about how much more interesting it would be if some avengers were more fragile than others and had to be given accommodations as such

- IT IS INCONCEIVABLE TO ME THAT FUCKING BLACK WIDOW (regular human), CAPTAIN AMERICA (enhanced human), AND FALCON (regular human with wings) CAN DEFEAT THE CHILDREN OF THANOS WHEN THOR COULDN'T UNLESS THOR (god of fucking thunder carved of steel and stone) WAS NERFED

- still don't understand how we'll lend aliens afro features but not afro hair, like, seriously? you're gonna dream up green aliens with gills who look like black people but imagining them with black hair is a step too far?

- the gap of commentary in this liveblog is simply because i do not care at all for the galaxy defenders

- "earth just lost her best defender" who? who does captain america consider earth's best defender? it's not thor; he doesn't know thor's presumed dead. it's not tony; he doesn't know tony's on an alien anus. who else has died so far?

- love how exhausted bucky looks. have always loved how exhausted bucky looks. love bucky.

- i forgot that tony was with peter parker. god i hate that.

- "i'm peter btw"

"dr strange"

"oh you're using the made up names then. i'm spider man"

ok that was cute, but peter's cute, we knew that already

- i want to fling both strange and stark into space and i'm having a hard time deciding which one to push first

- "you went to bed hungry, scraping for scraps" oohhhh thanos is just anti-poor people, he would literally rather poor people be dead than struggle, i get it nowww

this is on brand for mcu

- oh my god thanos gets 2/6 stones by torturing siblings in front of other siblings, seriously? you couldn't come up with 6 different ways to find his stupid rocks you had to reuse one twice?

- which one of thor's friends was stabbed through the heart....? fandral??

- "if i don't get my vengeance what more could i lose" more like what else is there eh? what else is there for a king of no people but their vengeance?

- CANNOT BELIEVE THEY GAVE HIM BACK AN EYEBALL JESUS CHRIST IF YOU DIDN'T LIKE THOR RAGNORAK JUST SAY SO YOU DIDN'T HAVE TO FUCKING

VEHICLE FOR AUTHORITARIANISM, NOTHING IS ALLOWED TO CHANGE, FUCK YOUR CHARACTER DEVELOPMENT I GOT MINE

FUCK

- i do enjoy that thor is now science fiction rather than fantasy, i don't think anybody knew what to do with fantasy cos fantasy is again, ultimately about conservatism and the status quo. so i do like that we're embracing the new and boundless for whatever that's worth.

- marvel is a cesspool of toxic masculinity. at no point are characters allowed to actually feel anything because weakness is uncool i guess and therefore unmanful. like thor lost ALL OF HIS PEOPLE. fucking ALL of them. he watched his brother die in order to save him. he is not allowed a single fucking response of mourning. i don't care if he's pushing it back because revenge or whatever, this is the sort of grief that rules you, which will bring all your load bearing structures down to heel, and they let him do nothing; he does not even rage. perfect control. smooth witticisms. why. why aren't we allowed to see his sadness?

- yo i can't believe red skull is a scifi villain now lol space nazis for real

- OH MY GOD THEY WASHED BUCKY'S WIG AND IT LOOKS SO BAD

- michael b jordan was right btw wakanda is complicit in africa's exploitation

- i do LIKE black panther i guess in the way you technically like that cousin you met once when you were like 9 and never saw again?

i like how we have here in wakanda the sears tower (chicago), the batman building (nashville), and the gherkin (london)

- ok but like, presumably not a death cult super technologically advanced wakandans who are deffo made of human flesh and human blood still arm their people with spears

i mean unless wakanda is also a death cult

why is this chicks entire fucking face cgi'd she looks like a fucking cut scene video game character

- oh ok they have LASER spears, ok

so then why did they give bucky a fucking gun

- what is bucky supposed to be able to contribute here exactly, like fucking, again, he's spycraft isn't he? he's a one man, dead of night, operation go loud and then immediately silent kinda operation. why do they have him on the front lines of a fucking lock-step formation battle??

- "it will be the noblest ending in history" WHAT, FIRST COUNTRY TO EVER BE OVERUN BY ALIEN JACKALS??

- stormbreaker is just leviathan axe, somebody's said this already right

- omfg i'm so glad they're finally acknowledging that thor is OP as fuck and does not belong amongst the fucking squabbles of earth

-"titan was like most planets, too many mouths to feed not enough to go around, so i proposed a plan, dispassionate to rich and poor alike" JUST SAY YOU HATE POOR PEOPLE MCU. YOU CANNOT HAVE RICH AND POOR, YOU CANNOT HAVE DISPARITY, YOU CANNOT HAVE SOME WITH TOO MUCH AND OTHERS WITH NOT ENOUGH AND CALL IT EXTINCTION. THAT IS NOT A QUESTION OF OVERTAXED RESOURCES THAT IS A QUESTION OF RESOURCE FUCKING MANAGEMENT. IT IS AN ARTIFICIAL CRISIS IF THERE EXISTS ENOUGH TO GO AROUND BUT SOME PEOPLE ARE JUST HOARDING IT THAT'S WHEN YOU KILL THOSE PEOPLE AND TAKE THEIR SHARE. KILLING HALF THE PEOPLE IS THE KIND OF FUCKING SOLUTION TO INEQUALITY THAT RICH PEOPLE COME UP WITH

GOD. ITS LIKE NONE OF YOU EVER READ

-you've got the big fucking boss in an ambush AND YOU ATTACK HIM WITH A MAGIC SWORD STEVEN STRANGE?????

THIS FRANCHISE HAS NO IDEA HOW TO UTILISE MAGIC USERS FUCKING HELL

- when will somebody please utilise ironman like the one man artillery he fucking is WHY IS HE FIGHTING WITH HIS STUPID FISTS HE IS LITERALLY ONE CONTINUOUS CARPET BOMB JUST USE HIM THAT WAY

cut of his arm CUT OFF HIS ARM YOU BLOODLESS SPINELESS USELESS FUCKING CUNTS . this is a manufactured crisis, KIND OF LIKE THE ONES THANOS LIKES I GUESS LOL

- dr strange could have very easily prevented or stopped quill from punching thanos but he didn't cos i guess even the movie forgets steven strange exists sometimes

- i like that the shield around wakanda has the same weakness as a poorly constructed chicken coop -- you always build into the ground a couple feet to stop the diggers man, come on, what is this, your first energy shield?

- oh disgusting, a girl boss moment. whatever you're all fascists.

- nobody adores martial might like fascists do fucking change my mind

- " avengers: not one person in this fucking cast is able to stomach ANY AMOUNT of personal sacrifice" more like

- "why did you give away the time stone?" "we are in the endgame" THAT'S NOT AN ANSWER THAT'S A FUCKING MOVIE TEASER FUCK YOU

- why didn't strange just trap thanos in a timeloop again? we've already established that is a perfectly acceptable way to deal with planetary annihilation. IS IT POSSIBLY BECAUSE NOBODY ON THIS WRITING STAFF KNOWS HOW TO DEAL WITH MAGIC

- THOR OP BLIZZARD PLS NERF

-CAPTAIN MARVEL SERIOUSLY THAT'S WHO YOU'RE GONNA SEND YOUR LAST PAGE TO JESUS FUCKING DISGUSTING

[justjessame]

Glorious, Before the Burden - The Comfort ~ 4

Knowing that I could at least push past the terrible spell that caused Loki to see a nightmare when I visited him gave me some peace to rest, my first night alone in London.  Building courage to meet Thor’s love, Doctor Jane Foster who I researched thoroughly before leaving my small cottage and with Michael beside me helping me sort through what was most helpful and what was least likely to aid me in my introduction to this Midgardian genius.  Over a light dinner, during a phone conversation with Michael, I told him of my visit with Loki in his cell.  

“And he saw YOU?” Michael asked for the third time, almost crowing with both happiness and a heavy dose of his confidence in my powers and person.  “I’m not surprised,” I shook my head and took in the view from my window, the night was falling and I knew that sleep would be calling to me soon enough.  “Now you just have to meet up with Dr. Foster and off you go to Asgard.”

Laughter erupted from me at how simple he made the endeavor sound.  “Yes, JUST.”  Listening as he told me the idle gossip of the tiny village I’d left mere hours before, I felt a sort of homesickness and wondered how long I’d feel longing for the small Midgardian spot that had adopted me.  Promising to call before I disappeared back to my true home, I tried to tell Michael how much he meant to me, but he wouldn’t hear it. 

“Don’t go saying goodbye yet, Sigyn.” He grumbled.  “Not until you’re on your way out.”  And with a huff he said goodnight.  

I suppose, with the change of scenery and the nerves that came with what I was about to do, I expected sleep to be more difficult to grasp hold of - like a teasing serpent with its tail flickering away as a fat fisted toddler who is forever curious and yearning to touch, it would flick away at the last moment, saving itself from the yanking of that grasp - but no, somehow it wasn’t hard to find and take hold of.  

Slipping into a bed as decadent as the one that Loki had carried me to, pressing me into and kissing me breathless because I couldn’t stand to release him once he first allowed me a sample of his flavor, sleep greeted me as a dear friend, cradling me as gently as my husband had and held me tight until morning woke me with the first slanting light through the softness of the fogging haze that I’d grown to love during my first visit so very long ago.  

As I slept, I dreamt and as I dreamt it was of a time and place I did not know.  Yet I knew my companions - two of them, at least.  Loki, not MY Loki, but the one who wore the same strange outfit that Agent Mobius M Mobius had worn when he unceremoniously showed up on my doorstep with his contingent of TVA Minutemen asking for inside information on Loki - MY Loki - hoping to find a way to take down Sylvie.  Who, I was no longer startled to see standing beside THIS Loki, not even seeing their hands clasped together gave me a moment’s pause.  There was something about the two of them - these two pieces of my heart, brought together through means that I had no forewarning or knowledge of - that made some mad sort of sense.  They stood amidst a clouded world, on the other side I could make out something of the horns I knew quite well from my time at Loki’s side, but they were worn by beings that I had no sense of familiarity with - a child, an elder, one who looked far more like Thor than Loki, and - brought up a touch short - was that a lizard?  

Refocusing on the two I held far more dear, Loki and Sylvie, standing before a building that made my heart pound faster - a flash of warmth running through me - like when I felt the urge to run into one of the gardens, or join my husband in bed - the feeling of home.  How strange, since I’d never seen this dark stone beast before, rising as if it grew unbidden from the ground.  Gold veins, like blood creeping through it, I could hardly pay attention to Loki and Sylvie as they bucked up courage to knock on the door, so entranced was I with how familiar it felt - even the landscape, barren though it was - called to me like a siren song.  Odd.

The door opened, and I blinked, had I missed them finally knocking?  Had I missed a greeting being called out?  

Following them through the archway, I barely glanced at the glowing clock - her obnoxious taunting voice - obviously known to both Sylvie and Loki, but of no consequence to me.  Instead I walked around the three of them, ignoring their conversation and searching for any reason why I would feel as if I knew this place, this building.  Reaching out with a shaking hand, knowing that I shouldn’t be able to TOUCH anything in a dream, I was shocked to find that I could touch - and the obsidian wall felt WARM, throbbing as if it had a heartbeat all its own.  

I almost missed the clock disappearing.  Nearly missed the appearance of a new being.  Except I wouldn’t have missed him - couldn’t have if I tried.  It was as if he screamed my name as loudly as Loki once said I forced him from the garden when I wanted to go inside.  Turning I saw HIM.  Smiling from behind a newly opened door, lounging as comfortably and unconcerned as any all powerful being would in the face of TWO such as Loki and Sylvie - and while they dared to make attempts on his life, he winked at ME.  

I woke up as the sun broke through the curtains and the haze, my eyes flashing open faster than they ever had before.  I knew what the clock being had called him.  I knew what he’d thought to call himself.  Names have power - any witch worth her salt would tell you that.  And I knew his name as surely as I knew my own.  I just didn’t know why his name mattered to ME.  

I got ready with all the care that I would have on my first trip to Midgard had I taken it alone.  Carefully tucking my long hair away, magic making it far easier to conceal and seem shorter and fashionable in the way the women of the realm seemed to enjoy it, I sighed as I pulled on a pair of the tight jeans and long sweater over it.  Adding the long jacket and scarf, I hoped that I wouldn’t stick out like a sore thumb as I made contact with Thor’s lady love.  And I hoped like hell that I wasn’t too late.  

Finding Dr. Foster wasn’t difficult.  She’d relocated to London because her mother was living in the city.  She’d taken up online dating, which Michael had given me a shifty look about - laughingly offering to create a profile for me, should I think to give dating a Midgardian a chance.  A single look was all it took to nip that horrendous idea in the bud.  Her mentor was having a difficult go of getting back to normal after having an encounter with Loki, as seen on EVERY news channel known to man, and so - off I went to find Jane where a subtle disturbance in what Midardians knew to be science and gravity was taking place.  Thank goodness for children and their inability to keep things quiet.  

While I couldn’t disappear as Loki could, hiding when you’re petite isn’t incredibly difficult, but seeing Jane Foster arrive alongside her intern Darcy - another piece of the information Michael had helped me come across - had given me pause.  Two Midgardians, slightly more difficult to approach than one, and Darcy had more street smarts from what I’d learned in my research.  

Jane disappeared and I sighed.  Damn it.  While the future is set, I had hoped to head off the Aether.  Perhaps if I could have contained it, NOT in the Midgardian scientist, that would have made Frigga’s death slightly less - 

She reappeared and I missed my opportunity to meet her before Thor made his arrival, but he spotted me as she spotted him -

“Sigyn?” His eyes widened, and Jane’s eyes narrowed at me.  “Sister? How are you alive?”  Now Jane looked LESS inclined to rip my hair out, so that was better, perhaps.  “Jane, this is -” he pulled her closer, smiling down at BOTH of us.  “Sigyn, I thought you dead - they said you -”

Shifting off the reunion and questions.  “Yes, I know, Thor.”  I smiled at Jane.  “This is Jane?”  She was staring down at me with so many questions in her eyes that I wanted to scream.  “I think we should probably -”

So shocked by Thor’s arrival before I could greet Jane, before I could get things in hand, I hadn’t really taken stock of the storm he’d brought along with him.  

“This you?”  Darcy had joined us, pointing up at the downpour and Thor stopped it.  “Who’re you?”  She was staring at me with a challenge in her eyes.  

“Sigyn, Loki’s wife.”  Rip it off like a bandage, that had been Michael’s advice.  Her eyes went wide.  “Oh dear, I think we’re about to have company.”  Police officers were converging.  

They were coming to ask uncomfortable questions, but Thor was in no mood to allow that, and he grabbed onto Jane and nodded to me.  With a smile, and extreme focus on my part - cloaking myself so Heimdall wouldn’t know WHO else Thor was bringing at least I hoped - I took hold of his arm and off we went.  

Jane was not well, how could she be - the Aether was inside of her.  Upon our arrival in Asgard, Heimdall, looking for all the world as if he was unsurprised by my survival and arrival, Jane was taken to the healing chambers.  I, however, was rushed to Frigga - Heimdall telling me she requested my presence as soon as I arrived.  

“There you are,” she pulled me into her arms and sighed with such relief that I nearly sobbed.  “We have very little time, Sigyn.”  When she pulled away, her eyes searching mine I saw how glassy hers were.  “Did you think only you saw it coming?”  

“I’d hoped,” my eyes were burning, my heart giving such pain that I felt as though I’d been stabbed.  “I’ve only just come home, selfishly I want more time.”  She laughed and held my hands in hers.  “Why didn’t you tell me what I am?”

“If I had,” she sat, pulling me down beside her.  “If I’d given you all the answers, then you’d have simply had them -” she brushed my hair from my face.  “You still have much to learn, I’m afraid.  You know what, but not WHO -”  I didn’t understand and she knew it.  “You will, I swear.”  

“Jane holds the Aether,” shaking my head, my eyes closed.  “I’d hoped to get there fast enough -”

“To what, my daughter?”  She was smiling when I opened my eyes.  “Take it upon yourself?”  Sighing she shook her head.  “You have far more burdens to bear than you need, I think that one is one too many.”  Pulling me close, she tucked my head under her chin.  “I always wanted a daughter, did I ever tell you that?”  I hummed.  “You were everything I could have wanted in one, and so much more, Sigyn.”  

I didn’t have enough time with her, not alone.  I never had a chance to go to Loki’s cell and prepare him for what was coming.  I didn’t see Odin beforehand.  The only peace I made was with Frigga, and maybe that was all I was supposed to be allotted.  

I was with her and Jane when the monsters came knocking.  I held her as she took her final breath.  And in it, as I cradled her head and told her I forgave her everything, that I loved her and she was my mother, that she told me another piece of my own puzzle.  She gave me another name for He Who Remains - at least where I was concerned.  And as my tears burned down my cheeks, threatening to break my heart and leave me scarred for my grief of losing the only mother I felt like I’d ever truly known - I looked up to see HIM - Odin, staring down at me in open mouthed surprise.  

I suppose there was at least ONE person in all of Asgard that hadn’t been told of my arrival - our King. 

[aurorawest]

35 and 26 for angst prompt. You don't have to write me a lot, unless you want to, of course!

I don’t actually remember which number this was, but the prompt was ‘thank you for not giving up on me.’

Title: you know it’s awful but you should have chosen other paths Author: @aurorawest​  Fandom: Thor (MCU) Rating: M (grief, suicide ideation, referenced character death)  Relationships: Frigga & Loki, Loki & Thor, Loki & Odin Major Archive Warnings: none  Word Count: 2.1k  Summary: They didn't tell Loki that his mother was dead until halfway through the funeral. He hasn't been able to pay his respects. Maybe she doesn't even want them, after what he did.

As always, thank you to @mareebird for betaing!

read it here on AO3

Loki hardly needed to think about maintaining Odin’s image anymore.

At first, he had been on edge all the time. Nervous, and anxious about being nervous. Odin wasn’t nervous. Odin was in command, always. He showed no doubt, no hesitation. No anxiety that he was ever wrong.

If anyone could have benefited from some second-guessing, it was Odin. Sometimes Loki felt like he’d gotten all of it in his family: every ounce of self-doubt, self-loathing, insecurity and uncertainty. Odin and Thor had absolutely none and could have used it the most. His mother had the positive versions of those things. Reflection, introspection, circumspection. If only she had passed any of it along.

Loki brought his skiff to a slow stop, letting it glide over the water until it crawled to a halt. Here, far away from the city, between Einherjar patrols, out of sight of everyone, he allowed his glamor to drop. He looked at his hands and didn’t recognize them for a moment. Long-fingered, bony, pale, his veins blue under his skin. His, not Odin’s. Smooth, instead of wrinkled and mottled with age spots. He had always thought he took after his mother in appearance. He had always seemed to have her long, slender fingers.

Now, of course, he knew it was impossible that he took after her in appearance. In temperament, yes.

What was he thinking? In temperament, not at all. Hadn’t he just admitted that to himself? Frigga had been wise, intelligent, considering. The perfect queen. If only her influence had been greater on Odin; greater on Thor. If only Loki had developed an ounce of her grace.

Loki released his hold on the skiff’s rudder and moved to the front of the craft, placing his hands on the edge and peering over the side. He had brought the skiff to the very end of the world. The roar of the water tumbling over the side of the planet drowned out the possibility of all other sound. If an Einherjar patrol approached, he would never hear them coming. But he knew exactly how long he had; how long he could stay here.

Mist rose around him, the water evaporating far below as it hit the barrier between Asgard’s atmosphere and space. Most of the vapor rose into the craggy underside of the planet, pooling in underground springs before eventually bubbling up in the deep forests or high in the mountains, hundreds or thousands of years later. The water going over this edge right now might not see the light of day for another five thousand years. Loki could well be dead before the cycle completed itself, waterfall to vapor to cavern to spring.

Then again, Loki was supposed to be dead right now, so saying something like this was either very obvious or patently untrue. He couldn’t decide.

The rest of the vapor would form clouds, then eventually rain—the rain that Thor would cause when he summoned thunder and lightning, were he here. Which he wasn’t. Loki had sent him away. He couldn’t have Thor here.

He remembered the way Thor had looked at him on Svartalfheim, the way Thor had held him, like they were still brothers. As though everything hadn’t been poisoned. It was. It had been—by Odin, by Thor, by Loki himself.

At that thought, he closed his eyes, listening to the deafening roar of the water. It didn’t even sound like water, it was so loud. It sounded like the howl of creation—or destruction.

Odin, Thor, Loki. Placing himself last in that list made him sound the least culpable. But he was the most, wasn’t he? Simply by virtue of who and what he was, he was the most culpable: God of Mischief, God of Lies, and Chaos, and Destruction. Of Making The Worst Possible Decision, of Setting Things In Motion And Watching Them Blow Up In His Face.

If Thor knew what he’d done, if Thor knew it was Loki who was responsible for their mother’s death, he would never have held Loki that way. He may have run Loki through with the Kursed’s blade himself.

Loki opened his eyes. He hadn’t come here to think about Thor. He had come here to say good-bye to his mother.

The fact that they hadn’t told him until the funeral still made him burn with rage and humiliation. No, he hadn’t been her son, not really, not technically (And that was the last thing you shouted at her, wasn’t it? The last words your mother heard out of your pathetic mouth were rejecting her).

Maybe he hadn’t technically been her son. But in all the ways that mattered, hadn’t he been? She had reassured him that despite his birth, despite his monstrous origins, she was his mother. Even after…the Fall, after Midgard, after being forbidden to see him, she’d disobeyed Odin’s orders and made time for him. She’d still looked after him, even though it was the last thing he wanted, let alone deserved.

When the guards had lowered the forcefield of his cell for the first time and brought in a chair, an ottoman, a table, and then a bed, Loki had glowered at them. “What’s this?” he had sneered.

The captain on duty had looked at him as the rest of the Einherjar had trooped out and the forcefields had gone back up, and then he’d tossed a bag onto the table. The bag had thumped heavily and Loki’s eyes had flicked to it, then back to the captain.

“The Queen sends her regards,” he’d said.

Loki had been sitting on the floor, legs crossed, hands in his lap, but at this, he’d risen to his feet. “The Queen?” he’d repeated. “Her regards?”

The captain had glanced out through the glowing forcefield at the dark corridor outside. “I don’t know anything about it,” he’d said, before lowering the forcefield and stepping out.

Loki had waited for them to go, and then he’d approached the table, with the bag sitting on top of it. Hesitantly, he’d tugged at it. Soft leather. Calfskin. Scuffs on the bottom. It was his; he’d had it since he was a boy.

The other inmates—gods, what a terrible collection of words, other inmates—had been watching through the forcefields, trying to see what he’d been given. They’d already jeered at him because of who he was; now they’d be envious, as well. They’d wanted it both ways—to delight in how the mighty had fallen, and to mock him for being soft, for being unable to do without the creature comforts that he was used to as the prince.

So he’d brought the bag back into the tiny bathroom, with its shower-head bolted to the wall next to the toilet, and he’d dug through the bag. Books. A journal. Pens. Clothes. An anxiety that he’d barely wanted to admit was there calmed. He’d been afraid he’d lose his mind within the week in this terrible place with nothing to divert him; nothing to do, no way to escape the incessant thoughts scrabbling around inside his head, circling his skull. Some days, when he started from fitful, shallow sleep, he’d still felt confused; unsure of who he was. He had begun to realize that the pretty stone in the scepter hadn’t merely been a pretty stone.

Loki’s fingers had closed around something at the bottom of the bag and he’d drawn it out. It was a toy, a small bear, a miniature of the war bears that Asgard sometimes used in battle, that he’d had since he was a child. The paint was worn off where it had taken the most abuse—its nose, its ears, its feet and tail.

Something had stung behind his eyes. Quickly, he had shoved the bear back to the bottom of the bag before he forgot that he didn’t have the luxury of crying, not anymore. He was no longer that Loki. That Loki had died when he’d fallen from the Bifrost—or perhaps even earlier. Perhaps he’d died in the weapons vault when Odin had revealed what Loki truly was. When Loki had called himself the monster parents tell their children about at night and Odin hadn’t denied it.

The sound of the falls brought him back. This wasn’t what he’d come out here for, either. He didn’t have time to stay indefinitely. The Einherjar patrol would be by soon. Anyway, there was no point in staying. He’d thought perhaps the roar of the water would drown out his thoughts, but as it turned out, nothing could drown out his thoughts. Death, perhaps. He had looked forward to it, almost, on Svartalfheim. And then he’d woken up.

Frigga hadn’t. When the Kursed had stabbed her, she had died. It was just as Odin had said—they were born, they lived, they died. For some of them, the death came far too soon. And Loki didn’t understand why he wasn’t dead and his mother, the person who had least deserved to be cut down, was.

He thought, perhaps, it might be because of him. Because she had loved him and he had never deserved it. Because he poisoned everything he touched. His family had been riven, torn to shreds, and he was the cause. Of course he was the cause.

Loki took a breath and stepped back from the edge of the skiff, then cast his eyes outward. Dusk was falling and stars were beginning to shine clear and bright in Asgard’s sky. From where he was, the sky was almost all around him, the stars blooming to life above, below, and before him. The sky had been all around him when he’d fallen, too. He’d thought it was going to be the last thing he saw: Asgard’s stars. He had been at peace with that. He had given up, and if he closed his eyes and knew stars were on the other side of his eyelids, that wasn’t so bad.

Another breath. The patrol would be along soon. He needed to do what he’d come here to do. Even wearing his Odin glamor, his presence there would be puzzling enough to warrant discussion among the Einherjar, which would become discussion amongst the palace staff, and then the people. And he didn’t want people discussing him. Odin. Whatever.

Loki held his hands out, breathing in. An orb of light appeared in his palms, glowing with white, soft light. Warmth in the swiftly falling darkness, a tiny star, a beacon against the black. He hadn’t been informed of his mother’s death until during the funeral. He hadn’t been able to honor her.

He didn’t know if she’d even want him to, after what he’d done.

Cupping his hands around the orb, he looked up at the sky, where the stars that lit Valhalla were winking into view. The falls thundered around him, but he still opened his mouth to speak. “Frigga, I bid you take your place in the halls of Valhalla, where the brave shall live forever.”

The roar of the water snatched the words from him, but he could hear his voice ringing in his head. The important thing was to say the prayer, not to be heard—not, at least, by anyone in this realm. “Nor shall we mourn but rejoice for those that have died the glorious death.”

His shoulders dropped as he breathed out. Then, he lifted his hands. The orb drifted from his palms, up into the night sky. Another star amidst all the others.

Loki swallowed hard and let his arms drop to his sides. “Thank you,” he added. This wasn’t part of the prayer, but he had to say it. He still couldn’t hear himself over the sound of the water. He hoped she could. “Thank you for not giving up on me.”

Everyone else had. Loki certainly had. Perhaps he’d been the very first to give up on himself.

The orb of light winked out, or perhaps it was simply impossible to pick out amongst the other stars. There was a tightness in Loki’s chest. A sting in his eyes. He reminded himself he didn’t cry, and he had to dig his fingernails into his palms to remind himself again, with more force.

Then, he turned to the skiff’s controls and started it. To the port side, he could see the lights of the approaching Einherjar patrol. It was time to go.

He kept the skiff’s lights off and turned back towards Asgard.

Before he’d gone more than a few hundred feet, he recast his glamor.

[fablesrose]

Of Kings and Shadows XVIII

Description: Y/n, a girl who seems to have found her calling. Being a SHIELD agent is like a dream come true. With a friendship starting to form with the Avengers, she’s the Queen of the world! What could go wrong?

Pairings: Avengers x reader, Loki x reader (eventually)

Notes: On Wattpad –> Here

Masterlist

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

"Hello, Henry."

He sat down in the chair across from me and smiled resting his hands on the table for a moment, "It is so good to talk to you face to face again."

"Can't say I return the pleasure." I slouched in my chair, hands resting in my lap, "So I take the medical trials and inventing didn't work out?"

His only reaction was a small twitch of his lip to a smirk, "You look very pretty."

I snorted.

"And you have the perfect amount of sass to match," he popped up from off the table and leaned back in his chair. "You are going to be a magnificent Queen. The perfect weapon and a beautiful companion after all that is over."

"Is that what you brought me down here for? To flirt? That's kinda a rude way to do it after the last couple of days, Henry"

"Now who's fault is that Mistress? And besides, I brought you down here so we can get to know each other better. I don't have a backup plan if you fail, so we better bond."

I raised my eyebrows, "You're not even going to use my name, are you?"

He gave me a small, innocent smile that portrayed confusion, "I don't know what you mean, Mistress." He adjusted his glasses that he wasn't wearing the first couple of times I met him, "so back to us getting to know each other. Childhood? Do you want me to go first?"

"Oh my gosh, you're going to give me your tragic back story."

He huffed out a laugh, "With that attitude, I'm not sure if I can wait for us to conquer the world to have you."

That shut me up quickly. I swallowed and looked at my hands, curling into myself.

"Did you have a happy childhood?"

I answered quickly, quietly, and made my responses short, "Sure."

"Siblings?"

"Something like that."

"Fond memories to look back on?"

My eyes snapped up to glare at him, "The past is the past, Henry."

He tilted his head to the side, "Fair enough. I guess it's my turn."

I stared at the table, at that moment I would have given almost anything to be back in that cell. There was an overbearing presence of two males in a small space and me still recovering from whatever they did to me in that room. My options did not look good.

"I loved my mother-- Love her. She is what made me what I am today." He sounded happy, admiring, but my only thought was how twisted was she to make him what he is today. "She always encouraged me. You- you what she used to always say to me?" I heard him shift the chair a bit and I glanced up to see him sit up straight. "She used to say, 'You're going to be a king one day, Nor-- " he paused like he was catching himself, "Henry, You're going to be a king one day Henry.' Which I am! I'm gonna make it happen. And once you become Queen you will stand by your King's side."

I swallowed stiffly, straightening my spine slightly, "What about your father?"

His demeanor changed with a snap, his light, forward aura switched to a darker one. "I guess I must admit he might have had a hand in it as well." True to his purpose of us 'getting to know one another,' he continued despite the obvious disdain, "he was a rude drunk. Never was nice, I don't even think when he was sober." His face was set in a slight frown, his eyes held anger not shown in the rest of his body language.

That in itself made me even more uncomfortable, and I was scared of the fact that I almost felt bad for him.

"My mom, uh, she kept him at bay. Told me to do whatever necessary to get out of there." He leaned forward, drawing my eyes to his own, "Whatever necessary to become a King, even if it meant getting a little... dirty. But," he left a little of the dark, hard edge at the table when he lounged against the back of his chair, "he didn't go to waste."

A chill ran through my body, I did not like the sound of that.

"After all, he did give me the family business." There was a beat where he let what he said sink in. "Of course, I improved this branch a little bit I would like to think. Steered it back in the right direction. And, and, back to that little comment earlier," the shadow of the topic of his father seemed to vanish and he was back to the personality where he seemed like he was almost on a date. "I would like to think that the medical trials and inventing are working out quite well for me, don't you think?" He gestured to me sitting across from him.

"Are you saying you invented me?"

He shook his head with a smile, "no, I'm reinventing you."

"And the medical trials?" I rolled my head to the side, my eyes drooping.

"Well, you did ask to be put on my list, and the effects have been nothing short of miraculous, yes?"

I sat up straight, "Okay, one: did you just say I was fat? And two: are you saying you gave me steroids?"

His eyes widened slightly, "Steroids are the closest civilian thing to what we gave you."

I squinted at him when he didn't address my first point, but he remained silent. I was getting sick of this conversation, this room, this building, this everything. I was wondering if I could maybe eliminate the man across from me and maybe make this whole organization crumble. Cut the head off the snake. The guard on the side of the room discouraged me and I knew that if I killed Henry, another would take his place, and who knew if he was going to be as nice as him.

His eyes tracked my movements while I squirmed in my seat, "Do you need something? A glass of water? What do you want?"

"I want to go home."

I watched the muscles in his jaw flex repeatedly before he decided to speak again, "Your home is with me, Mistress. You're going to need to learn how to adapt. You are going to have to be comfortable in all environments, in the dark, which I've noticed you like better, and in the light."

I looked at him, puzzled. The dark? I have barely been in the dark my whole stay here. My confusion quickly turned to fear when Henry issued an order to the guard beside me.

"She needs to loosen up a bit, become more fluid. Take her to the lightroom."

My hands clamped into the table in front of me, "No no no, I am not going back there. Henry. Henry!"

My struggles didn't stop the guard from grabbing me and lifting me from the chair. He moved to smash my fingers to let go of the table, but Henry simply lifted a hand to stop him. He had a small, almost innocent smile on his face when he stood and leaned over the table. He reached his hands towards mine and started to softly stroke my hand with his thumb. The only problem was:

I flinched.

That was all of an opening the guard needed for him to tug just enough for my hands to slide off the table. The door opened behind me and the other guard stepped in to grab one side of me.

Henry stepped up to the three of us while we were stopped at the doorway. He reached out and touched a strand of my crusty with sweat hair. I leaned away as much as I was able to get out of his reach and the strand of hair followed while still on the tip of his finger. We both watched as it fell.

With one nod from him, I was back to struggling against the burly men on either side of me. It didn't take long for them to haul me all the way back to the torture chamber and throw me in. I sat up and wiped the tears from off my face. My breathing was shakey and I trembled from fearful anticipation.

I didn't have to wait for long when the lights started to burn brighter and the prickling of my skin grew uncomfortable. I started to pant and lied down when I felt what little strength I had leave me. I hugged myself tightly to the point where I think I'll have bruises. I clenched my teeth as the stinging hot and cold covered my skin. I whimpered and groaned at the light. It seemed to be pounding down on me like a sledgehammer.

I let out cries of pain, but I found myself not needing to shriek. The light knives that were stabbing themselves into my eyes before were now nothing more than fingers, much less painful than before. While it wasn't stabbing pain, all I could see was white. Or maybe it was black. I'm gonna go in the middle and say it was the same sickly gray as the jumpsuit I was wearing.

I did find myself blacking out more, however. Maybe it was because I was already so weak.

I started to think about my friends in an effort to distract myself. I started listing how I met each of the Avengers in order.

Clint at the shooting range.

Natasha in the sparring room.

Steve while prepping to take off on a mission.

Tony while on said mission. And with a few snarky remarks no less.

Thor was also there yelling about honor.

Bruce at the compound.

Loki... I met Loki while wandering the hallways of the compound.

I kept repeating the list over and over.

I tried to switch to a song, or simply cry in silence, but the repetition had a soothing quality that my exhausted mind couldn't pass up. Whenever I tried to switch before I knew it I was back to the list. I didn't even notice I had stopped singing. All of this was in my head of course.

Just like last time I drifted in and out of consciousness. I partially awoke when my body relaxed from its nearly permanent tense state. The lights started to dim and a voice sounded from an unknown location, but I knew exactly who it was. I'm pretty sure you do too.

"Hm, it looks like you got used to this quickly. We'll have to try something different next time."

I whimpered softly and the last thing I remembered was the feeling of hands grabbing my arms and the dizzying feeling of being yanked to my feet.

I woke up who knows how long later. The strange thing was that I felt almost normal when I woke up. I didn't feel the hangover or the exhaustion. I must have slept it off.

I looked over at Jaz, "Hey, how long have I been out?"

She shifted her curly hair out of the way so I got a clear view of her confused expression, "The same amount you usually sleep at night?"

"But I'm way too recovered after that lightroom session. I must have been passed out for far longer."

She shifted to face me fully, "Y/n you've been awake from that for three days at least. They've even taken you somewhere else a couple of times..." She leaned forward and rested her forearms on her knees, "Did you get amnesia or something? What's the last thing you remember?"

I forcefully framed my face in my hands, trying to remember. Desperately hoping I had just been dreaming, that I did remember the apparent days before. After breathing heavily for a few minutes I had to look back up at Jaz with tears pricking my eyes, I was scared about what this might mean, "Jaz, I don't remember leaving the room."

[ancientwastedlores]

“If There’s A Place For Me”

SUMMARY: Stephen Strange is seriously wounded in battle, and Loki is shattered. 

WARNINGS: Angst. Mentions of blood and wounds. Unrequited love. 

AO3 link here. 

_____________________________________________________________

If There’s A Place For Me

‘Loki… he-he was hit’ Thor managed to choke the words out.

The world narrowed to the ringing in his ears. Green electricity sparkled around his hands, and he almost wished that it could burn him, sting him. He was supposed to be by his side. To protect him. His life was meaningless anyway: he couldn’t have the one thing, the one love that haunted him the most. Every breath burnt his chest, shards of ice stabbing him. ‘Where is he?’ Loki demanded, voice brooking no argument, no opposition.

Thor was silent for a beat, weighing his possibilities. Loki’s hands twitched as he contemplated his best route of escape.

‘Midgard. London’ he finally revealed. ‘Please, brother…’

But Loki was already running, heart beating hard, fast, as if he were in the middle of a battle with blood thick in the air. Heimdall was already waiting when he reached. Loki noticed his eyes: serene- as if he already knew the outcome of the events to come; he probably did. Loki tasted bile rise up inside him as he took his position on the dials and nodded. He let the energy take him.

The Bifrost that usually helped one cross realms in a flash took much too long for Loki this time. He didn’t want to think; he didn’t want to reflect on Strange’s moments before the war as if they were final.

Forcing those thoughts back, he focused on the present: find him. Be with him.

He immediately found himself in the front of a sprawling campus of a hospital, the stench of disinfectant and sickness assaulting him. He walked into the bustle, a man possessed, his instinct guiding him forward. He knew where to go- how couldn’t he? It was as if a fishhook had pierced his heart and were pulling him ahead.

Washed out walls, washed out people. Hopelessness permeating the very bones of the place. He hated it- revulsion so strong and complete, he wanted to burn it down- wanted to hear screams, wanted to feel blood hot and sticky on his hands.

But it wouldn’t bring Strange back.

The hallway leading up to the ICU was hushed, the low threshold of ominous beeps grating in the silence. Loki stopped, hit by a wave of panic so strong it nearly drowned him. He could see the unmoving silhouettes of suited agents waiting: their large forms comically ill-fitted for the small, uncomfortable waiting chairs.

Steeling himself with a deep breath, he took a step forward- and another, and another, every step a chore. The agents looked up as he neared, their faces both nearly identical in their non-expression.

One of them handed him a data pad.

‘You will find a summary of the incident inside, sir. Until we are cleared to, however, we cannot allow you inside’

Static crackled in the air around Loki, but the agents looked on, offensively calm and unfazed. Of course, they have probably seen worse, he reminded himself. The War.

He turned his attention to the data pad- and read: Midrange explosive... extensive abdominal trauma... major blood loss... hypovolemic shock... critical condition... extensive reconstructive surgery… use of energy stasis... biomatrix gel... words blurred together as he scanned the documents.

Strange used to be a doctor. He would tell Loki about his cases, late into the night in Strange’s apartment that overlooked the city of New York. He would tell him about the toughest cases he could crack without breaking a sweat, and Loki was in awe of Strange, who only had his wonderful, beautiful mind to rely on, and no Asgardian or Wakandan technology. Loki learnt these stories as if they were scriptures, and perhaps could recall every detail better than the doctor himself. He never thought he’d be reading or hearing those words in context to Stephen Strange.

An explosive had nearly blown him apart. Instant death were it not for his protective shields. He was alone. Thor had been the one to retrieve him from the battle. Humans were weak, he remembered. They were weak. Fragile. Blood and guts. A million ways for them to die- poison, knives, bullets. Unacceptably weak.

They had Strange in an energy field stasis in biomatrix gel, to facilitate and accelerate healing. Wakandan technology- but technology could only do so much when half his body was blown wide open.

Loki suddenly felt weak.

Dizzy.

Memories overlapped, reality shivered. He was back in that glass cell, after Mother’s death. Glass pierced his feet, blood and pain oozing. Throat scratchy from screaming.

It was his fault. He should have been next to Strange. He should have been the one to take the blow. He should have been the one to die. There was no point in living, not now. Not now. Not without Strange, without the meagre affection, the wrong, not-enough affection Strange did harbour for him. No… he couldn’t go there... he closed his eyes willing away the memories. Not now… not-

 ‘Did you see this!?’ Strange handed Loki an iPad. ‘You mean the Vibranium Wakanda decided to share?’ It’s amazing, imagine what we could do with that technology’ Strange mused. ‘Not that you’d need it’ Loki said, reverence dripping from his words. But Strange was already lost.

Sure enough, hours later, the apartment was littered with sheets full of diagrams Strange had drawn. Loki only watched him. Studied how nothing else surrounded Strange in that moment but darkness, the ideas pouring out of him without stop, his mind running faster than his fingers could draw, the frustration of the delay clear in his furrowed brows and occasional tuts. He wouldn’t dare disturb the air around Strange.

Loki couldn’t help but feel a bit envious of the pages graced by Strange’s attention and genius. But he knew there was place for him too, in his heart. Somewhere.

 The sound of the door opening brought Loki back to his body- he was sitting down, hands shaking, the data pad was a mess on the floor across the corridor. A nurse approached him.

‘He’s stable as can be- for now. If you would like to see him…’

Loki stood up, a brusque movement- the nurse flinched.

‘Five minutes’ she said, again her voice offensively emotionless. ‘No more’ Not even for gods, remained unsaid.

The smell of death got stronger, it coated his tongue, his throat- he couldn’t breathe. He followed the nurse, down more corridors and closed doors, past busy doctors and nurses who barely spared him a glance. The hook in his chest tugged sharply, pain shooting through him.

The walk to Strange’s room seemed to take years, and in that time, memories and invasive thoughts were free to trouble him. Every inch of him was free for unravelling, and Loki could do nothing about it. Tears stung his eyes. Faces that did look upon him seemed to know everything about him and Stephen Strange.

 ‘Do you tell anyone about us?’ Loki once made the mistake of enquiring. ‘What’s there to tell?’ Strange asked.

Loki thought the question was pretty clear. He kept silent.

‘I told you’ Strange sighed, ‘I don’t think of us like that’. ‘Even after… everything?’ ‘I didn’t ask for them, you simply you gave them to me’.

Loki was enraged, as he always was when he spoke to Strange, but as he always did when with Strange, he didn’t show it.

‘Don’t you think that’s ungrateful of you to say?’ ‘Loki, we are not in a relationship. Please…’ ‘It’s okay, I understand. Dinner?’

 He didn’t though, and he still couldn’t understand as he walked to Strange’s room. He couldn’t understand why Strange could not afford him the love he gave him. How hard could it be!? He did it, and it was so easy. Strange was so easy to love. Wasn’t Loki? He did work hard. Taught him secrets of shapeshifting, taught him tricks. Strange was always so eager to learn, and Loki wanted to give him everything he knew. It was rarely reciprocated, but he didn’t care. The joy he got from learning was enough to make Loki believe. But at least before the war… at least then Strange could have said something?

Thinking about this felt insulting, as if there were bigger concerns than Loki’s insecurities at the moment, but he wasn’t in control any longer. He had gotten in the habit of answering his own questions and giving excuses for Strange, because Strange wouldn’t.

‘Through there’ the nurse said.

The sterile air and unbearable light in the next room blinded him before he focused on the figure in the middle of the room.

All the panic, all of the pain, all of it- left him. Bled out, until he was hollow. Until he was a husk, an echoing machine, just lumbering forward. The nurse stopped him with a hand on his shoulder- no closer. Strange was suspended in electric blue gel, pale and bloodless but for the large gash across his torso, as if a Giant had tried to slice him in two but failed. The ragged edges of the wound were raw, bright red.

‘All things considered; it’s healing well’ the nurse said. ‘I’ll be the judge of that’ Loki muttered, but his words and his voice felt alien to him.

How could he tell her that it should’ve been him there? How could he explain the certainty, the bone deep conviction he felt of his own failure? If he couldn’t protect the one thing he loved the most in this universe, was it worth living?

They had removed the amulet he’d given Strange. It sat on a table, green and glowing, a prayer in ancient Norse scrawled on it.

 ‘For protection’ Loki had said, clasping it around Strange’s neck, and kissing his lips. Strange’s eyes were inscrutable as always, but his mouth had curled into a smile against him. ‘Thank you’ he said.

Loki remembered aching for Strange to say something before they went off to fight Thanos. Anything at all.

‘We might be pulled into different places during the fight’ Loki said, fear dawning on him that Strange would be alone. ‘You’ll be okay’ Strange said, making an effort to hold Loki’s hand.

Loki knew it was forced, but in the moments leading up to the battle, it was all he had. He wished time would stop, and Strange could very well arrange that- but he couldn’t ask. Loki squeezed tight, hoping Strange would do the same and leave his imprint on him. He didn’t. Loki sighed and let go.

‘It’s not me I’m worried about’ Loki said. Strange only laughed.

Right now, he was afraid his feet would take root in this room- he was afraid he could never leave.

The nurse’s hands gently guided him away- he had to tear his eyes from Strange. It couldn’t be real. It couldn’t be.

 They walked back outside, to the corridor, where the two agents still waited, unmoved. Thor had joined them- and he looked up when Loki walked out.

‘Loki…’ he said, his voice wavering.

He ignored him. He walked down the corridor, and out, possessed by the need to get away, to get out. To run away. He needed to breathe. To think. To scream.

To hurt.

There was a hollow where his heart should beat.

He walked out of the building and into a portal of his making.

______________________________________________________________ 

[beccarooni]

Thor and Loki have a chat

(A.N: Hello everyone! It's exam season so the longer projects I have are temporarily on hold, but in the meantime here's a quick little endgame scene idea that I thought could be fun. It's definitely more light hearted than my last one, so enjoy! Also, ENDGAME SPOILERS AHEAD Y'ALL)

The mission was simple. Break into Asgard, get the stone, don't cry over Jane because it's over now, Thor, and you've moved on. You're perfectly fine, actually, and can definitely handle what will certainly amount to a nice stroll around memory lane.

And for the most part, it had been. He knew the halls of Asgard like the back of his hand, knew the schedules of the guards, all the hiding places of his youth were burned into his mind like a brand.

Things had truly been going well, until they'd had to cross through the dungeons.

There was a secret passage, one he and Sif had often taken as children when they wanted to sneak a look at the terrifying prisoners Asgard held in it's basement. The passage also, as it happened, had a direct line to where he knew Jane would be.

Again, this should've been so easy. Of course, Loki was down there, but Thor couldn't focus on that. They had to get the stone, had to be quiet, had to-

Clang.

A small pot skittered from his foot, and instinctively he felt eyes on him.

Eyes he hadn't seen in 5 years, apart from in his nightmares, bloodied and broken.

Thor turned around, and was face to face with Loki, who was glancing at him quizzically from his cell.

Thor looked at Loki.

Loki looked at Thor.

Thor coughed awkwardly.

Loki opened his mouth to say something, then must've lost the thought because he closed it again, simply choosing to raise a finger and point it in Thor's direction.

"Quit staring at him and say something! We gotta move!" Rocket hissed angrily from the shadows, whiskers twitching as his head darted this way and that, beady eyes hyperfocused onto every corner and shadow.

Thor swallowed nervously, turning to face the cell with a forced smile. "Heyyyy, Loki. Just, uhm, passing through. Don't let me distract you, I'm sure that book is very interesting, it loo-"

"Why do you look like that?" Loki deadpanned, eyes narrowing as he sat up from the bed, the book laying forgotten on the beside table.

"Like what?"

Loki made a face, a slight roll of the eyes and scrunching of the face that said 'I truly can't believe you're making me explain this to you, this is the worst and I want to stab everything'.

A face Thor was well acquainted with by this point, really.

He made a gesture against his chin, drew one finger down his eye in the shape of Thor's scar.

"Ah, well, you see, the thing is..." Thor frowned, trying to wrack his brain for what he could say. He couldn't tell him the truth, could he? No, that would be absurd. It could ruin everything if Loki found out about...any of this. He'd have to come up with something else. But quickly, because Loki was moving to stand now and he didn't need any attention from the asgardian guardsmen who stood just outside of the doors.

"What? What is it?" Loki folded his arms, and Thor could practically see the gears in his head turning. Reaching. Coming way too close to the actual conclusion.

"You were in a coma for 5 years. This is just what I look like now." He blurted out, trying to ignore Rocket briefly smacking his head against the wall the second the words reached his ears.

"...What?"

"Yep. Well, not a 'coma', coma. Like the Odinsleep- or I suppose, Lokisleep. Odin put you in it as punishment for what happened on Midgard."

Well, it was too late to back out now. Even if Rocket was staring at him like this was a bad dream, and he couldn't actually believe this was the excuse Thor was going with.

"That's actually where I'm going now, to the throne room. I'm going to tell him off for doing that. I mean, have you ever heard of such a thing?"

Loki blinked slowly, sitting back down on the bed with a small sigh, looking as if he were about to either throw the book at Thor's head or jump into a Shakespearean soliloquy about how truly sad he was to hear this.

He opted instead for a vague frown, and a flat voice dripping with sarcastic disbelief. "You can't be serious."

"What, you think I just grew a beard like this in the span of a day? Don't be ridiculous." He laughed nervously, attempting to run a hand through his hair but wincing sharply when his fingers eventually got stuck in tangles. "Well, I best be going. Can't let Odin get away with this."

"No, no, you go ahead." Loki was still staring at him like he was an escaped zoo animal, but had resigned himself back to bed at least, book in hand. "Someone has to tell him. He can't just...put someone in a coma without asking them, can he?"

"No, he can't. That's illegal, probably."

"So go tell him."

"I'm gonna."

"Great." Loki raised an eyebrow, turning back to his book with an exasperated expression. "Have fun."

Thor nodded, giving a small thumbs up to Rocket who promptly returned a gesture that was similar in nature yet infinitely more profane. Loki still didn't sound like he believed him, but he wasn't about to alert anyone soon. And if he had to guess he thought he'd given him enough in that 3 minute conversation to mull over for at least another 10 years.

Rocket scampered ahead, gesturing frantically to the door. Thor had been about to follow, truly, he was. But something stopped him. He turned around, knocking his knuckles slightly against the glowing walls of the cage before pressing his palm against it.

"Loki."

"What? By the Norns, what do you want? Grooming advice?"

"No, I just..." His eyes wandered to the floor, his throat tightening with something that he'd been feeling for 5 years, now. But had been trying so desperately to push back. He had to say this. When else would he get this chance? "I'm sorry I didn't do better. It probably doesn't seem like it but I love you, brother."

Loki snapped the book shut sharply, face still scrunched in confusion. But there was a clarity behind it. He nodded softly, looking with an expression of near fondness to where Thor's hand lay. "...I'll see you later, then."

"Yeah." Thor nodded, pressing his hand firmly to the cage once more, before starting to back towards where Rocket was whisper-yelling obscenities at him. "I'll see you."

[tirnelkai-blog]

Loki - Goatki

Summary:  You've come to learn that Earth, your new home, is an interesting world, full of wonders not offered in other parts of the universe. But what makes it even more interesting is exploring it with your best friend, Prince of Asgard and God of Mischief, Loki. Today you learn about the concept of zoos. Eager to explore, you head off and even manage to drag your pal along with you.

Word Count: ~3200

Pairing: Loki/Reader

Warnings: None

A ridiculous idea I had based on a concept for a series. I thought it might be fun to explore a character that had as little knowledge about earthly concepts as the Asgardian brothers. 

Also on AO3

"Unbelievable!” Tony exclaimed entering the kitchen, followed by the God of Mischief who had snowflakes melting in his hair despite the summer heat outside.

Conversation stopped as you, Thor, and Steve looked up from your breakfasts at the kitchen table. You glanced across the table at Steve, who just shrugged and went back to his plate as Tony began shuffling things around a bit too loudly as he prepared a cup of coffee.

Loki slid into the seat next to you and plucked a strawberry from your plate.

“Hey! Get your own dish!” You tried swatting his hand but the trickster was too quick for you.

“Why do that when I can simply take from you?” he purred in response, taking another berry.

“Careful, brother,” Thor warned. “You know how Y/N likes her strawberries. I wouldn’t be surprised to find that butter knife in your hand.”

You rolled your eyes at the blonde Asgardian and stuffed a berry in your mouth.

Loki smirked. “Please, she likes me too much to stab me.”

“I don’t know,” said Steve. “She really likes strawberries, too. I’ve seen her hit Thor for less.”

“I’m debating if it’s worth the effort this early in the morning,” you said with a huff but you both knew Loki was right. Stabbing your best friend wasn’t on the agenda for today no matter how exasperating he got. Loki simply grinned in response before licking the juice from his lips. Watching, you wondered if they still tasted like strawberries. Shit, you were staring.

“Everything alright, Tony?” you questioned, turning away from the handsome Asgardian before he could notice while also trying to get your mind off of Loki’s lips. Your face was beginning to burn a bit.

“Oh just peachy,” the man grumbled, “but things would sure be a whole lot better if people weren’t trying to turn this facility into a zoo.”

“Zoo?” you asked, the word completely foreign to you. Only a few months had passed since your arrival on earth and you were still learning about new words and things you haven’t encountered before.

“Yes, a zoo,” he grumbled, turning around to face the table with his freshly made coffee. You raised an eyebrow quizzically, noticing the large splatters of what appeared to be paint or some sort of dye all over his shirt. There were specks on Tony’s face and in his hair as well.

“Nat and Clint are having one of their stupid, compound-wide training sessions again and so the entire place is their damn playground. Meaning I walked into the middle of it all.” Ah, you hid a smile behind your own cup of coffee. That would explain the paint on his shirt. “Peter and Bruce were working on some modifications to the kid’s web slingers but managed to cover the entire lab in web instead. So don’t go down there unless you want to be immobilized for a few hours. And to top it all off, the Prince of Darkness decided to conjure up a snowstorm in the training room! And it’s only nine o’clock!” Tony finally stopped, catching his breath after the rant.

“Seems like you’re having a rough morning, Stark,” Thor commented with a mouthful of food.

“Gee, ya think?”

Loki scowled. “I told you I am handling the snow, Stark.”

“As if I believe anything you say.”

You felt bad for the guy. You really did. But his response didn’t answer your question. “So, erm, what’s a zoo? And how does it relate to your bad morning?”

“That was going to be my question as well,” mumbled Thor, still stuffing himself with breakfast.

Tony regarded the two of you suspiciously over his mug. You shot him an innocent grin. There were a couple of instances where you messed with the guy, convincing him of things on earth that you claimed to had never seen before in space. Sometimes Tony acted so smug about earth things or technology that you just played dumb on occasion and got him to do or buy things that you were perfectly capable of getting on your own. There were also a few incidents that involved the Asgardian brothers as they too were growing accustomed to the planet… Long story short, the man had a reason to be suspicious.

Steve cut in before Tony could reply. “A zoo is like a large park where exotic animals are kept so that people can go and watch them.”

Thor smacked his fist on the table. “That sounds awful. How do they get away with such things?”

“Whoa, whoa, it’s not all bad.” Steve waved his hands in front of him to calm down the Asgardian. “They’re well taken care of and sometimes it’s the best way to care for endangered species.”

“You don’t have zoos on Asgard?” Tony questioned.

“No, of course not. Besides, I’d pity the poor fool who thinks he could cage a bilgesnipe.”

Loki nodded in agreement with his brother.

“Fair point. What about you, my intergalactic assassin friend? Never saw a zoo in space?”

“If I had I wouldn’t have asked. Though…” you pursed your lips in thought for a second. “The man I used to serve did have a collection of exotic creatures gathered from across the universe. I never got to see it myself but I heard he gave private tours to clients who failed to make their payments on time if you catch my drift. I…” Realization dawned on you. “Oh gods, they don’t feed people to the animals, do they?” Even Thor looked mortified at the thought.

“Suddenly these Midgardian creations seem a lot more interesting,” the raven-haired prince smirked, leaning back in his chair.

Tony stood laughing over his cup while Steve calmed you down and explained a little bit more about how zoos work, managing to convince you and Thor they were not as bad as you originally thought.

You sat back in your chair and pondered. “You know, zoos actually sound like fun. I wouldn’t mind adding that to my list of earth things to experience.”

Thor jumped out of his chair and smiled while extending his hand to you. “Then, my friend, you shall see one. Let us go to the zoo!”

“What, right now?” You laughed and grabbed his hand, allowing him to pull you up.

“Of course! Stark, where might we find the closest one?”

Tony rolled his eyes. “About two hours away by car. Which neither of you has a license to drive.”

“Oh, yeah,” Thor muttered as both his and your excitement simmered. The disappointment must have been evident on your faces.

Steve chuckled a bit. “Don’t worry guys, I’ll take you to the zoo. We can go now if you like.”

“You would really take us, Steve?”

“Sure. I don’t have any plans for the day and I haven’t been to one in ages.”

“Alright!” both you and Thor exclaimed, exchanging a high five.

Loki snorted in amusement. “The two of you are acting like children. This silly zoo can’t be all that interesting.”

“Why don’t you come with us and find out?” offered Thor.

“And why would I wish to do something like that?”

“Because it’ll be fun! Come on, Loki!” you begged your friend.

“No thanks. I’ll pass. I have better things to do than gawk at earth creatures all day.”

Your face fell and you felt less excited about going. “Buzzkill.”

You really thought Loki would go as it was rare you two did anything without the other. Given the amount of time you spent together, it seemed inevitable that you should fall head over heels for the handsome Asgardian, which was part of the reason you wanted him to come. Although most outings were out of raven-haired man’s element, you usually managed to convince him to join you on excursions to learn more about earth customs, even if he did complain the entire time. That was honestly part of the reason you wanted to explore this planet as it gave you an excuse to spend more time with the God of Mischief.

Loki’s heart fluttered at seeing your disappointment. Behind you, Thor gave his brother a knowing look and started making gestures with his face while mouthing something you couldn’t hear. Loki shot the blonde a look, trying to get him to stop before you or the others could notice.

Thor beamed as he saw his brother’s face give in behind you. “It’s alright, Y/N.” Thor placed his hand on your shoulder. “It would seem Loki is far too busy for us anyway. We shall enjoy marveling at the wonderous earth creatures without him.”

You turned back to the others. “Right. Shall we get going?” you asked with less enthusiasm than before.

Loki sighed dramatically. “Alright, I’ll go to this zoo with you.”

“Really?” You turned back to him grinning, the excitement you felt earlier returning.

“Yes, but only because it seems like you won’t have fun without me.” Truthfully he would have said yes to just about anything you’d ask of him. The beautiful assassin that had crashed into his life just a few short months ago meant more to him than anything else in the nine realms. But with the other Avengers present, he wasn’t about to let that be known in front of them. He couldn’t let them think he was going soft. Nor was he sure he was ever going to let you know, either.

You rolled your eyes but was ecstatic he changed his mind. “So glad you could clear your busy schedule for us peasants.” You grabbed his hand and started pulling him towards the hall. Loki rolled his eyes dramatically but let himself be pulled along. “Come on guys! Let’s go to the zoo!”

“Hey, wait a minute!” Tony called after you. “Snowflake isn’t going anywhere until he cleans up that blizzard!”

*****

You practically bolted through the gates of the zoo, dragging the dark-haired Asgardian behind you. You were giddy with an eagerness that had only begun making an appearance since joining the Avengers. Your past experiences never gave you many opportunities to have fun, especially not with people that could be considered friends.

“You’re going to pull my arm off, Y/N,” Loki complained, trying to keep a stern expression despite his amusement at his friend’s behavior. “What���s the rush? We’re here, aren’t we?”

“Sorry,” you laughed, letting go of him. “I’m just really excited to explore more earth things with you. It means a lot that you came.” An odd look passed on Loki’s face. “And the others too, of course!” You blurted out, smiling nervously. “I’m grateful they’re taking the time to teach me about such basic concepts.” Smooth. Revealing your true feelings for your best friend was not what you had planned for this zoo trip. Or probably ever for that matter.

Loki looked like he was about to say something before the others joined you.

“Now children, don’t go running off,” Sam teased. He decided to join your trip to the zoo, as did Natasha, who seemed to come out victorious in her game with Clint.

“Ok, gang, some rules before we get started. Everyone team up with a buddy in case you get separated,” Nat joined in with Sam’s teasing. “And no petting or freeing any of the animals.”

Loki rolled his eyes. “Please, Romanoff, we don’t need a babysitter.”

“Memories of the last trip you, Y/N, and Thor took to the mall by yourselves speak differently.”

The prince scowled. “It was only a small matter. Nothing we couldn’t take care of on our own.”

You laughed and grabbed his hand again, pulling the Asgardian along more gently this time. His expression softened as he followed. He was looking forward to this more than he let on.

Steve began reading the layout of the park, trying to ensure the group saw everything today. “First thing we’ll pass is the petting zoo, which we can probably just skip and head straight for the elephants.”

You and Thor stopped dead in your tracks. “Petting zoo? Is that what I think it is? But what about what Nat said about not touching the animals?”

“Well, uh, there are some things people are allowed touch and interact with,” Steve replied.

“Why did you people not tell us that sooner?” Thor boomed, already moving beyond the group.

Sam jumped in. “Guys, it’s not what you think it is. They’re typically just goats and sheep and stuff!”

But it was too late. You and Thor were already running ahead.

Loki let out an exasperated sigh. “Children indeed.” Truthfully, however, he was enjoying your eagerness. It was adorable to see you get excited over things that seemed so trivial. The most simple of earthly concepts or gadgets brought you such immense joy to learn about. Ugh, what was wrong with him? Adorable was not a regular part of his vocabulary.

At the petting zoo, you and Thor picked up some treats and wandered into the small enclosure as excited as children. The others watched from the railing. Thor waved at Loki, seeing that his brother hadn’t joined the two of you in the enclosure. “Loki, come feed the goats with us!”

Loki’s face contorted in disgust. “Please, such creatures should be reserved only as a source of sustenance. I will not go near them.” Besides, he would have much more fun watching you marvel over the beasts anyway.

“Hey, watch what you say, there are children present,” Nat warned him as a little girl asked her mother what Loki meant by sustenance.

“What? I only spoke the truth. Alright, alright,” he huffed, seeing the redhead's death glare.

Back in the enclosure, you were having the time of your life. You fed a lamb a few of the treats and were now stroking its head. “So soft,” you whispered, amazed. “It’s like a walking cloud.”

“Hey, Y/N!” Sam called out. “Did you know people shear the wool off them to make clothing?”

“What? Oh no,” you cried, hugging the bleating lamb closer to you. “What a terrible thing to do.”

“It’s alright,” Steve chuckled, but seeing your distress added, “it’s beneficial for the sheep too.”

You let the lamb go, although you weren’t entirely convinced by Steve’s words.

“Some assassin,” Loki muttered, though he too laughed quietly. Meanwhile, Thor was having poor luck at feeding the animals. He was incredibly eager but that, coupled with his towering form, kept scaring the animals off. The poor man was growing disheartened.

“Just be a little bit calmer,” you explained, guiding him towards a small brown goat.

Leaning down and slowly putting his arm towards the goat, he finally managed to feed one of the animals with your help. He beamed as he stroked it.

“Such as small little thing, aren’t you?” Thor mused as he reached for another treat. However, as he went to feed it another much larger black-haired goat butted the smaller one out of the way, snatching the treat. “Hey, that wasn’t for you!”

“Baa,” the bigger goat bleated in response as it sniffed Thor for more treats.

“I don’t think so,” Thor said, pushing the goat’s snout away. It instead turned to you, snatching the bag of treats out of your hand.

“You are naughty, aren’t you?” you laughed as it quickly gobbled the treats and sniffed you for more before standing on its hind legs, placing its front ones on your stomach.

“Oof,” you grunted. The creature’s eyes shone with mischief as it let out a soft “baa.”

“Hey Loki!” Thor called to his brother. “You know who this goat reminds me of?”

“Brother,” the dark-haired Asgardian warned.

“He’s as clever and pushy as you are!”

Loki scowled. “Don’t you dare compare me to that animal.”

The goat licked your face, causing Thor to smirk. “Looks like you’ve got competition, brother.”

If looks could kill, Thor would have dropped dead from Loki’s glare.

Not paying much mind to the exchange, you scratched the goat behind the horns and laughed. “Thor’s right. He does remind me of Loki, don’t you, Troublemaker? All hail Goatki, goat prince of Asgard!”

“You’re hilarious,” Loki growled, slightly less amused than before.

The others joined your laughter as you continued to pet your new friend behind the ears.

“Y/N,” Thor chuckled as several more goats gathered around. “It seems a few more want your attention.”

Thor was right. Before you knew it, you were surrounded in a circle by fifteen to twenty goats. The ones closest were pulling at your clothes, a few nipped at your fingers. Goatki had his face in your hair. “Hey, stop that. Come on guys, I’m all out of food.” You couldn’t move past them and the goats were adamant on keeping you in one spot.

“We have the goat whisperer among us. Who knew?” Nat joked as she pulled out her phone to capture the ridiculous scene that was playing out.

“Thor? Thor help me,” you called over the sound of the goats who were now crying out, looking for food.

“Baa. Baa.”

The blonde stood behind the ring of goats, unsure of what to do. Meanwhile, the others began to laugh from their spots at the fence. “Guys? What do I do? Loki?”

“Oh I’m sorry,” Loki breathed between laughs, “but why don’t you get your new friend Goatki to help you?” He too had pulled out his phone. “Besides, I do not wish for my clothes to smell like a barnyard.”

“It’s alright, Y/N,” Sam wheezed. “Just stay calm.”

“Guys, this isn’t funny. I- Oww!” you cried as one of them managed to pull some hair, tugging your head downward.

Thankfully, Thor soon came to your rescue, luring the animals away with another bag of food. The goats quickly dispersed and you climbed out of the petting zoo. Your hair was a mess and parts of your shirt were missing where the goats had pulled on it but at least your pants were left intact.

The others were still struggling to catch their breaths, but Steve managed to ask if you were alright, before noticing where parts of your shirt were missing and turning red.

“I’m fine, just a bit disheveled.”

“It seems you’ve had a wardrobe malfunction,” Loki teased while taking off his hoodie and handing it to you. His eyes lingered before you managed to zip it up.

Smacking Loki on the chest, you grumbled. “You’re a terrible friend.”

Loki hummed. “And yet you enjoy my company,” he said as he picked a few strands of hay out of your hair. “Besides, if I had saved you I wouldn’t be the proud owner of this photo.” Pulling out his phone Loki flashed his new lock screen. It was you, of course, surrounded by the goats with Goatki’s snout in your face as he sniffed out more food.

“You’re deleting that.”

A wicked grin spread across your friend’s face. “Never. In fact, I believe I shall frame and cherish it forever.”

Part 2 in the works!

[kitcat992]

Some honest responses from other MCU fans regarding Endgame

Because I know I’ve been one hell of a negative Nancy the past 24 hours, but wanted to show that my raw distaste for this film doesn’t go unshared.

particledamage: This entire thing sucks. I’m bitter.

SelenitaLunar: Worst ending ever. God can't believe this is the real deal. As a Tony fan they give us everything: Pepperony married and iron baby and Rescue only to kill him in the end and stab our hearts and tarnish all our memories of the MCU and this 11 years? Sure they are gonna subvert expectations, hope they enjoy it fully. As I'm not enjoying Marvel ever again. Shame on them. The Russos can go to hell, honestly.

greengirlrunning: They did Thor and Loki so dirty. The Loki thing is so obviously forced so that it ties in to his TV series, but it really undermines his entire arc in the MCU films. I'm pissed. Don't even get me started on Thor. It's perfectly believable that he would be depressed and feel hopeless, but to turn him into a joke and make him basically useless while Tony and Cap get epic (if problematic) endings? Bullshit.

_Mavericks: I’m sorry to say this, but the plot is pure shit. It’s not the case of getting disappointed because we wanted more. It is simply bad as it is. Sad ending.

sawinadream: Honestly Steve not preventing shit/suddenly acting selfishly AFTER being deemed worthy by Mjolnir/ignoring Bucky in Hydra captivity and SHIELD being infiltrated/the timeline somehow not registering these particular alterations IF he did change anything for the better.... OOC and lazy writing at its finest. Also wtf @ Sharon Carter now? Ew

priscillia28: It sounds like a bad fan theory

delta_charlie_2511: So the leaks we were sure were wrong turned out to be right. What they did to Cap is disappointing. It would have made more sense have him sacrifice himself and then wake up in a dream like sequence with Peggy where she is waiting for him to take her to the dance

valhallaorange: I'm upset with many of the main avengers stories, but I'm going to focus on Cap for this one.

It seems completely out of character for him to go back and marry Peggy, knowing in the future she HAD a husband and children, and a well-iived life of accomplishment. To me, it was a focal point of Cap's character to be unselfish and accepting of his new place in time. That included his love for Peggy and respecting that she lived her life fully.

It seems so wrong that he would go back in time to be with her and erase her family (children, possible grandchildren) in the process.

I'm so disappointed. I feel they've done his character so wrong and the only good movie of him was CA:WS. :(

Now that paired with the characterizations and situations of Tony, Thor, and Nat especially make me sad and unhappy.

ALSO, did the Russos just decide to say "Eh, screw it." With Sharon Carter? (Not a fan of her in the movies, but she also deserved way batter.)

valhallaorange: Agreed. A dance and then back to the future would've been acceptable and given more emotion to the pain and letting go Steve is known to experience. Also, Peggy deserves her own storyline and fully lived life without it being erased and her being reduced to only Cap's love interest.

captainamericasgf: This is literally my worst nightmare holy shit

RyuKenBlanka: Iron Man dying and Cap going back to the 1940's to be with Peggy is just lazy writing and closure for the characters and is the reality of Hollywood and not being able to have actors play roles forever. Both in reality should retire and take more advisory roles.

Suedeash: Also Cap's whole nightmare thing in Age of Ultron was dealing with the fact that he can't go back to Peggy, and yet here he just goes back? And knowing all of the horrible shit that happens in the future like 9/11, the Hydra infestation of SHIELD and all that he just sits back and does nothing? This sounds like a character assassination tbh, it would make far more sense for Tony to live with his family and Cap to have the heroic death as a way to bring his whole character arc to a fitting end.

Jedi_Mom: I think people began to think that it was impossible for marvel and Russos to let us down... we learned that they were capable of mistakes... the hard way.

DXGabriel: So.... when thor was becoming cool they just fuck his character? reaaly?

dracogladio1741: This is so convoluted. The ending is weird to say the least. Jeez.

inkwell84: Critics liked it. Audiences said what the eff.

itellteacherstories: This is what I get for overhyping myself: Disappointment.

lovestarkiller: Tony is gone like that?.... And Cap ending is just so...

FreeTanner17: One of the biggest disappointments is they kill off Natasha, don’t even give her a funeral and basically never mention her name again

Hawkguyism: Honestly, I'm severely disappointed

Cap's ending is a disservice to the character and his arc, Thor's ending makes no sense, he literally abandons all his people, Tony's ending is way too cruel, they could just say he went away and stuff like that, would be much better considering all the character's been through, Hulk and Nat are meeeehhhh, and seriously, how many fucking times is Hawkeye gonna retire? And like,we know he's gonna come back in the Disney+ show to train Kate and stuff

Overall, the plot seems too simple and the endings are pretty bad. Of course, in terms of action and entertainment, this movie will be a blast, but when it comes to story and narrative, it's a letdown. Especially considering we waited 11 years for this.

dumbwatercba: I feel like the writers went online and picked the worse theories out there and made a film out of it. Non of this seems right. The reviews were so positive. This seems like a steaming pile of shit. Thanus seems like the only thing missing from this.

msg53: I was hoping Endgame would be a good stopping point anyway. I would have preferred a satisfying ending, but a shitshow that turns me off of the entire genre works too, I guess.

IrishGrouch24: Man I am pissed the F off right now.

raven_rising:...Thanks Marvel, I kind of hate it.

scruk: I have no idea how they managed to fuck up this badly. No idea. It's like a bad fanfiction written by someone who's only watched Infinity War

CactusJackkkk: I feel like I just wasted 11 years of my life watching these movies with no payoff in the end.

eutears:This absolutely makes no sense. I cannot believe how the Russos thought this might be a good finale. Most of the plot crumbles if you put even a little bit of thought into it.

InlineSurfer: Keving Faige and MCU thinks,  that fans will take whatever they give us, but i cant, this so lazy and stupid script.

Griever11422: Notmycap. Notmytony

[omgrachwrites]

Ocean Avenue (Bucky Barnes)

Pairing: Bucky Barnes x OC

Summary: When Darcie Baker - the daughter of a police officer - breaks  her misfit friend’s heart at 16 she regrets it everyday even after she  graduates though she knows she can’t go back and change what happened.  Everything changes when over 10   years later she meets the gorgeous mechanic.

Warnings: angst, fluff, mentions of sex, Bucky being an absolute cinnamon roll, possible GOT S2 spoilers???

Words:

A/N: How are we on part eight already?! This is probably gonna be a pretty long fic so I hope that’s okay! Please enjoy and let me know what you think if you have a little it of time, I love you all! xxx

Part Eight

A couple of weeks after the two major bombshells had been cruelly dropped on Darcie, it all had become a bit too much for her so on her lunch break she sat in the little cove on the beach – the one that her and Bucky used to frequent in high school – and cried. For the past couple of weeks she’d been so heartbroken and depressed that she had been isolating herself from all of her friends and they had no idea why. Her friends had no idea that Darcie didn’t deserve them.

She also hadn’t been seeing Liam much, not since she had admitted to herself that she had been in love with Bucky in high school and maybe she still was. Liam didn’t have the same allure as he once had, the sex had gone boring and the thought of having sex with him had gone stale. For that, she blamed herself and maybe she blamed Bucky a little bit too. Liam didn’t seem as nice or as perfect as he once had, in fact he was kind of an asshole but he was probably used to getting away with murder because he was very aesthetically pleasing.

However, it wasn’t just Bucky that had her upset, it was her dad too, his Alzheimer’s had gotten worse, much worse and Darcie’s mom just couldn’t cope with looking after him mostly on her own anymore. It was pretty difficult for Darcie to help out regularly because she was always working – she was sure that Bruce would have given her some time off but she didn’t want to admit that anything was wrong.

Her dad had gotten so bad that they had had to find a home for him – he’d been there for a couple of weeks now – he wasn’t alone and he seemed to enjoy it but it was still so upsetting to see him that way.

Darcie sighed in relief as she sat down on the warm sand, taking off her shoes and socks to dip her bare feet into the cool, refreshing water. The tears wouldn’t stop, no matter how hard she tried; she was so overwhelmed with everything. Underneath her eyes were red raw and every new wave of tears irritated her skin. When she thought that she simply couldn’t cry anymore, a fresh wave of sadness – and tears – washed over her.

After about fifteen minutes her crying had turned to hiccupping and she was slightly startled when she looked up and saw Bucky standing in the opening of the cave. He had a look of empathy on his face.

“I didn’t know that you still came here,” he stuttered, brushing a lock of hair off of his forehead, he looked as handsome as ever.

Darcie offered him a teary smile and she made to get up, “I’m sorry Buck, I should get going.”

“Hey, hey,” he said softly, holding a hand up to bring her to a halt, “you don’t need to go Darc. Do you want to be alone?” he asked.

Darcie nearly started crying again at how sweet he was, “no I don’t. Please, stay,” she whispered.

Silently Bucky sat down next to her and took her had in his; they sat like that for a while until Bucky broke the silence.

“Would you like to talk about it?” he asked with a gentle squeeze of her hand.

Darcie took a deep breath and almost word vomited, “my dad has developed Alzheimer’s that’s why he didn’t recognise you when he saw you at your garage. My mom and I had to place him a home a couple of weeks ago. You know the one with the rose gardens? I feel awful about it.”

“Oh, Darc,” he sighed, “I’m so sorry.”

Darcie bit her lip as fresh tears welled up in her eyes, “thanks Buck, I feel worse because for the past couple of Fridays I go and read to him, it’s become kind of a routine. Today I couldn’t get it off and he’s gone on an outing now otherwise I would have spent my lunch with him,” guilt stabbed at Darcie’s heart like a knife.

“What do you read to him?” Bucky murmured and she suddenly felt grateful that someone was listening.

“I read him ‘A Clash of Kings’, you know from The Game of Thrones books? We’re at the bit where Renly gets killed by the shadow of Stannis, that was always my dad’s favourite part,” she let out a watery chuckle.

Bucky smiled but said nothing as he pulled her closer and Darcie rested her head on his chest, listening to the soothing thump of his heartbeat. They sat like that for a while before Darcie glanced up to look at his face. He looked incredibly beautiful – perhaps even more beautiful than usual – as he sat there peacefully, his baby blue eyes watching the water. Bucky must have felt her gaze on him because he looked down at her with a questioning look.

Before Darcie could think and with a feeling of slight maniacal excitement she leaned up on her knees, cupped his cheeks and she pressed her lips against his. His lips were warm and soft, they almost feeling nostalgic. It felt like coming home. Bucky was stiff against her lips for a second before he melted under her kiss and surprisingly started to kiss her back, bringing his warm hands to rest on her cheeks, brushing away some stray tears. When Darcie gasped as he wrapped a hand in her hair Bucky wrenched himself away from her.

“Darcie, I, I can’t.”

“I’m so sorry Bucky, I don’t know what came over me,” her mind was clouded as she let out in a broken whisper, “I-I should leave,” she got to her feet and Bucky didn’t try to stop her at first.

“Hey, Darc?” Bucky asked, stopping her in her tracks and she reluctantly looked over at him, “wanna come to a wedding with me in a few months?” he asked almost shyly.

“Sure Buck, I’d like that,” she almost beamed as she was very pleasantly surprised by the fact that he invited her.

As soon as Darcie got back to the hospital she was put in ‘the pit’ for about three hours, sewing up minor injuries and prescribing different doses of medication. She was just about to call the home that her dad was staying in to see how he was when Bruce almost bounded up to her with an excited gleam in his eyes.

“Want to scrub in for a heart transplant Darc?” he beamed and Darcie had to admit that she felt a balloon of excitement swell in her stomach at the thought of holding a heart. That thought made her feel like a serial killer.

“I’d love to Bruce, thank you for thinking of me,” she grinned, “can I join you in a second though? I need to make a phone call.”

Bruce nodded, running a hand through his dark waves, “try and make it quick, yeah? This guy has been waiting a while and I don’t want to make him wait another second.

Darcie nodded as she stepped outside of the room and made her call, the front desk picked up after a couple of rings and Darcie gave her name, “it’s Darcie Baker, I wanted to see how my dad is doing because I couldn’t make it in today.”

There was a pause and the shuffling of papers on the other end of the line, “a friend of your dad’s came in instead, a Mr James Barnes. He was here for a couple of hours reading to your dad, before he left he assured your father that you’d be there the following week and if you couldn’t go then he would. Your father was delighted.”

Darcie almost whimpered as the receptionist relayed this information to her, she couldn’t believe that Bucky had gone out of his way to visit her dad, especially after their past, after all Bucky could still remember it. Liam would never have done this for her, she thought bitterly.

“Miss Baker?” the receptionist asked and Darcie shook herself out of it.

“Thank you,” she replied feebly and hung up the phone, leaning against the wall to take a couple of breathers.

What Bucky had just done for her really put a lot of things into perspective, so much so that she text Liam and told him that they needed to talk.

--------------------------------------------------------

Carol and Peggy sat in the crowded gallery as they jealously watched their best friend scrub in on the transplant. Darcie looked pretty happy for herself as she held the old heart while Bruce was very carefully transplanted the good heart into the man’s chest. This had been going on for a couple of hours now.

“Want to grab that rubbish coffee with Darcie in the cafeteria after this?” Carol asked the pretty brunette who nodded at her tiredly, “great, I need to ask Darcie something?”

“Is everything okay?” Peggy asked distractedly, her brown eyes watching the surgery progress.

“Yep, thanks Peg,” Carol smiled, or at least she hoped it would be.

Carol had really bonded with Thor and Loki when everyone had gone out for a drink, on the night they had all met Liam and she’d been going out with them more, they were really cool guys. Because they had gone to the same high school that Bucky and Steve had gone to, the two best friends often tagged along.

Carol knew that Darcie had gone to the same high school also and even though she had said that she didn’t know Bucky very well it was clear that there was something more to the story in the way that Bucky always fell silent when she was brought up into the conversation. He’d also sometimes deliberately steer the conversation off of the subject of Darcie and Carol wanted to know why. Darcie was her really good friend and if Bucky had been awful to her when they were kids, she’d be sure to kick his ass.

Another couple of hours later, Carol, Peggy and Darcie were sitting in the cafeteria, tiredly drinking their coffee. Carol had left the subject of Bucky for a little bit; out of respect for Darcie just in case anything really bad had happened between them but now it was time to ask.

“Can I ask you something Darc?” Carol started and Darcie nodded as she added more sugar to her coffee, “it’s about you and Bucky,” at Carol’s words, Darcie’s eyes widened, looking like a deer in headlights. Out of the corner of her eye Carol saw Peggy shoot her a confused look.

“What do you want to know?”

“What happened between you guys? I know that you said you didn’t know each other very well but it seems to be more than that. He wasn’t a jerk to you was he?”

Darcie chuckled a little, without humour as she shook her head, “no he was lovely, I was the jerk,” she sighed and continued when she knew that Carol wasn’t going to let this go, “we were really good friends, we were almost more than that, he took me to Homecoming and I broke his heart. He was a misfit, always getting into trouble and he was always in the police station, I knew that I couldn’t be friends with someone like that. I had to think of my career. On the night of Homecoming I told him that I didn’t want to be friends with him anymore, I told him that I couldn’t be friends with him anymore. I regret that decision more than anything.”

Carol and Peggy exchanged glances with wide eyes; they couldn’t believe that someone as sweet as Darcie could be so cruel. That couldn’t be who she really was.

“That’s awful,” Peggy whispered.

“I know.”

“You know that there’s no coming back from this Darc, it’s just too late,” Peggy sighed and Darcie nodded.

“He knows how sorry I am,” she let out a broken whisper

“But it’s not enough, c’mon Carol,” Peggy stood from the table; Carol looked at Darcie’s heartbroken expression for a moment, not daring to believe that her best friend could be so horrible. She sighed, chewing on her bottom lip and she followed Peggy.

-------------------------------------------------------- 

@void-imaginations @theonelittleone @thesswintersoldier @dreamacoholic @harryngtonewithyourshit @iamariotgrrl @wavyjassy @nobody444

[veliseraptor]

errors of judgment, 1.4k, whumptober day one: stabbed, I guess I’m doing this or at least sort of, that sweet Loki whump plain and simple

Three years of idle living. Three years without a knife in his hand, without fighting for his life. Three years to grow dangerously, fatally, rusty.

He should have known better. He should really, really have known better.

The sword currently driven through his side, just under his ribs, was a pointed (ha, ha) message of just how stupid that decision had been. His breathing hitched and for a moment Loki just stood there, frozen, before he caught himself and slashed his knife through the undead warrior’s throat, backed by enough magic that it sheared through its spine. It collapsed, head rolling off the Bifrost and into the churning sea, and in so doing ripped the sword out of him.

Oh. That was - that was much worse.

He pressed a hand over the wound, casting a web of magic that would at least hold the blood in if not fix anything, though it did nothing for the pain. The deep, pulsing ache coupled with sharper shocks with every movement. At least it wasn’t through the chest this time, a distant corner of his thoughts murmured as he flung himself back into motion.

But they weren’t going to get far like this. Hela had an army, an enormous wolf, and all the power of Asgard. They had a small band of ex-gladiators and a clutch of very vulnerable Asgardians.

Even with Thor’s newfound power, this wasn’t a battle they could win head on.

Loki just managed to dodge a blade that would have taken his head off. Pain was slowing him down, and the need to focus on the magic holding him together.

He eased off the latter, just a little. It wouldn’t matter if he bled to death if Hela’s undead slit his throat first.

Blood began to trickle down his side under his clothes, but that was fine. Manageable. If they made it out of this alive, there would be time to patch himself up later.

**

The exit of Loki’s blood from his body had grown from a trickle to a steady flow, soaking stickily through his shirt. There was hardly anything left devoted to stemming the tide, and moving wasn’t helping, tearing it open every time it started to heal on its own. Loki’s head spun and he staggered slightly before catching himself, regaining his feet.

He bent forward, sucking in a few harsh breaths before forcing himself to straighten once more. He couldn’t be finished yet.

Thor was counting on him. Asgard was counting on him. If he couldn’t pull this off, couldn’t raise Surtur and use one monster to destroy another (a monster raising another monster to kill another monster, some wry corner of his brain remarked, and he shoved it away), then they were all dead.

Of course, Loki might be dead anyway. He’d been bleeding for a while now. It was possible that there was something on those unpleasant blades that impeded natural healing, since his should be helping at least a little. And wasn’t.

Stop thinking. Raise Surtur. Get out before Asgard goes up in flames. His eyes flicked over the Tesseract, pausing briefly, but his head was starting to feel light and he needed to focus.

Loki had a nasty feeling he should be worrying about the blood probably pooling inside him, but that - that would have to wait, too. Another distraction he (Asgard, Thor) couldn’t afford.

His tongue stumbled a little over the invocation as he dropped the crown into the Eternal Flame and took one step back, and then another.

This time when he stumbled, he didn’t catch himself.

Oh, shit, Loki thought, shoving himself to his feet as his head spun and Surtur began to grow. He turned toward the door, which suddenly looked very far away. His gaze drifted to the Tesseract, but he didn’t have the energy for its use; realistically, trying would probably rip him to shreds. His legs trembled and he didn’t think he’d get far trying to run.

One option. One very risky, very bad option. Teleporting blindly to the ship and hoping he could make it on board rather than falling into the endless dark.

Of course, if that happened he would probably bleed to death before too long--

Focus, Loki told himself, the heat of Surtur’s flame beginning to sear his face. He thought of the ship, reaching for his magic, tearing the last pieces of what he’d been using to stop up the wound.

He slipped through space and hit solid ground on his knees, beginning to pitch forward.

“Loki?” He heard, sounding far away.

Oh, good, he thought blurrily. I made it.

Then nothing.

**

He woke to significantly less pain, though his head still felt full of cotton. It was possible, Loki supposed, that the one had to do with the other, particularly given that he was flat on his back in a room that smelled strongly of disinfectant.

Loki heard a loud snore nearby and turned his head to see Thor passed out with his head at what looked like a very uncomfortable angle. His missing eye was covered with a bandage, but he seemed otherwise more or less intact.

Slumping back down with a sigh, Loki raised a hand to wander carefully over to his side, prodding gingerly at the bandaging there, taped firmly in place. He imagined there would be a matching one on his back. He started to sit up, but didn’t get very far before dropping back down, his body humiliatingly weak.

He realized that Thor’s snoring had gone quiet and turned his head a fraction to look at Thor, who was looking at him, one eye halfway open.

“Don’t wake up on my account,” Loki said. It came out a little slurred.

Thor frowned slightly. “Why not?”

Loki did not actually have a good answer for that. The bruise on his heart said because you don’t care about me anymore but - he wasn’t certain that was actually true. (He wasn’t certain it wasn’t, either.)

“Did we win?” He asked.

“For a given definition. Asgard - the place - is gone. Her people survive.”

What’s left of them, Loki didn’t say. He closed his eyes and nodded. “Well,” he said after a brief pause. “That’s good.”

“If you had said you were wounded I wouldn’t have sent you,” Thor said abruptly. Loki opened his eyes again.

“That’s part of why I didn’t say anything,” he said. His mouth felt bone dry and he considered asking for water; even as he thought it Thor rose and filled a glass from a fabricator. It wasn’t water - some kind of manufactured juice - but it was liquid, and a relief.

“That doesn’t make sense.”

“It does if you think about it.” Loki exhaled. “Besides. I am fine, aren’t I?”

“You might not have been.”

“Might not,” Loki said. “You shouldn’t dwell on maybes.” He wondered if Thor had seen the scar on his chest. Wondered if he was going to comment on it. He hoped not.

“I cannot help it.” Thor sat back down. “I was the one who caught you when you appeared out of thin air and found you slit open and soaked in your own blood.”

Loki’s face spasmed. “That’s a rather - vivid picture, isn’t it?”

Thor’s expression did not so much as twitch. “It was rather vivid to me.”

Loki forced a laugh. “I hope you aren’t upset with me for being so gallantly wounded in Asgard’s defense.”

Thor sighed and his head turned so Loki could only see the bandage covering his missing eye. “No,” he said. “I am...if you had died, and I thought you might...I cannot lose you again.”

“Oh,” Loki said, a little faintly. Simple though they were, those words seemed to reach something in him and fill in some hollow he’d only vaguely been aware of.

“I wish you had told me,” Thor said. “You proved enough in coming back, you know. You don’t need to kill yourself.”

“That’s a relief,” Loki said, trying for humor. Thor did not seem to catch it - or perhaps simply did not find it humorous.

“I wish you had told me,” he said again.

Loki licked his lips and swallowed against the unexplainable lump in his throat. “In the future,” he said, “I will.”

[imagine-loki]

Wedded Bliss

TITLE: Wedded Bliss CHAPTER NO./ONE SHOT: Chapter 27 AUTHOR: MaliceManaged ORIGINAL IMAGINE: Imagine Odin determined to find Loki a wife in a misguided, though somewhat well-intentioned attempt to ‘mellow him’. … RATING: T NOTES/WARNINGS: Eyy guess who survived the new year! XD

I’d like to credit SweetSigyn over at AO3 (dunno if they have a tumblr) for giving me a direction to go in. I mean, I had a vague plan for the start and end of this chapter but the middle of it was very much a handwave-y ‘I’ll think of something eventually’ kind of deal. Which… is basically how 95% of my writing goes, but shh.

________________________

    Edith excused herself about an hour later, thinking that she’d let Loki have enough fun in the other lab, and went to look for him, feeling much better about where she and Bruce stood. He was, she decided, a very likable man, and seeing how well he stayed in control of his… less sociable side up close now that they were not under threat helped her be more comfortable.

    She walked by an open door and suddenly felt herself be yanked into the room. Her instincts immediately kicked in and she turned and threw a punch up to where she figured her attacker’s face would be; instead she found that her ‘attacker’ was actually Loki and her punch had connected squarely with his throat.

    “Dude; the fuck!” she cried as he coughed and gasped, trying to get his breath back, “Don’t do that! Did you forget I was literally trained by an assassin?”

    “Duly noted,” Loki managed a tad hoarsely, massaging his neck.

    “You okay?”

    He cleared his throat. “Fine; though I certainly will not be trying that again.”

    “Good! What even made you think that was a good idea?”

    “Well, I didn’t think you would punch me!”

    “Dude, you are lucky I didn’t have anything to stab you with, or we’d be having a very different conversation. Never sneak up on me.”

    Loki frowned for a moment then sighed. “I suppose I cannot fault you your reflexes, given they keep you alive. I apologise.”

    “It’s fine. Sorry I throat punched you,” she replied, trying to stifle a laugh, “Though in my defence, I was aiming for your face; not my fault you’re so damn tall.”

    “This no longer feels like an apology.”

    Edith waved him off. “Anyway, I have to go sit on Clint now.”

    “Beg pardon?” Surely he’d misheard.

    “Well, he’s probably awake by now, which means he’s probably doing something he shouldn’t be, which means I have to go stop him.”

    “And you intend to accomplish this by sitting on him?”

     “Well, not literally…” she said then tilted her head a bit in thought, “Probably… It has been known to happen, though…”

    Loki stared at her, trying to gauge her honesty, then shook his head in disbelief. “You midgardians are so strange.”

    Edith chuckled softly. “Oh, sweetie. You have no idea. Remind me to introduce you to the wonders of duct tape and cellophane.”

    Loki eyed her dubiously but said nothing, simply gestured for her to precede him out the door. If she really did intend to sit on the archer; he very much wanted to bear witness to it.

****

    She did, in fact, intend to sit on the archer.

    As predicted, Clint was awake and working out in the recently refurbished gym despite very clear instructions that he was not to even set foot in there until a doctor cleared him; causing Edith to mutter that she was going to have some words with JARVIS for having allowed him entry. Edith gave Clint one chance to stop that he tried to wave off before quite literally tackling him onto the mat covering the floor, being mindful of his head of course, then proceeded to sit on his chest, all the while berating him like an errant child for his carelessness. The whole thing made Loki laugh so hard he had to sit down.

    Once Clint had dutifully accepted his scolding and apologised - twice - they left the gym to find something to pass the time, somehow ending up in one of Tony’s personal labs rigging up a rather elaborate trap that would, in theory, end with him getting sprayed by the fire extinguishers.

    “You know there’s a running joke online that you spend most of your time in vents?” Edith called up to Clint, hands on the ladder he stood on to steady it for him as he fiddled with a wire in one such vent.

    Clint groaned in annoyance. “Don’t remind me. Where do people even get that from? I don’t think I’ve ever even been in a vent.”

    “No idea,” Edith shrugged even though he couldn’t actually see it, “Blame Tony; that’s usually a safe bet.”

    Clint grunted in response then hopped down from the ladder. “That should do it.” He looked up towards one of the cameras in the room. “Alright, JARVIS, we’re counting on you here; no telling Tony and definitely no deleting the footage after.”

    “I have determined the possibility for injury from this trap to be very minimal, and the result could provide needed stress relief, both for Sir and the rest of the team; so, yes, you may ‘count on me’.”

    “You are absolutely certain that machine is not sentient?” Loki asked with a raised eyebrow, “Because that sounded remarkably like genuine amusement.”

    “Honestly? Sometimes I wonder,” Edith replied then grinned, “Good thing he’s on our side, just in case, eh?”

    “He’s also right about the stress relief,” Clint added then looked at them with a mischievous glint in his eyes, “What do you guys say we, ah… help the rest of the team out?”

    Edith and Loki exchanged a look then turned to Clint with equally troublesome grins.

****

    “They are never going to leave us alone in the tower again,” Edith remarked, receiving solemn nods from the men around her.

    After the plan had been decided, they had roped Bruce along and proceeded with the shenanigans. The scientist had been a bit reluctant at first, still not quite sure of his place in the tower, but before long relaxed enough to not only participate, but actually provide some ideas they ended up using. The result was a tower rigged with all manner of pranks; not all of them were expected to work, of course, particularly the ones meant for Natasha, but they had enough traps and back-ups to cause quite a bit of harmless chaos indeed.

    They sat in the common room, a dozen boxes of pizza on the coffee table before them, waiting for the rest of the team to return, which wouldn’t take long by JARVIS’ report. After a while of eating and chatting idly, Loki felt eyes on him and turned to find Clint staring at him rather intently, prompting a questioning look.

    “I’m just wondering where all of that’s going,” Clint said, gesturing to the slice in Loki’s hand and the mostly empty box - one of three, so far - before him.

    “Wow, Clint; rude,” Edith chimed.

    “What? It’s a serious question!”

    Loki chuckled, waving it away unconcernedly. “Asgardians have a much higher metabolism than humans, that is all. Be happy it’s just me and not Thor, or worst, Volstagg; you would never get a single morsel with those two around.”

    “I’ll take your word for it,” Clint replied then half turned to Edith and teased, “Gotta say, though; I never thought I’d meet someone who eats more than Edie does, and we live with a super soldier.”

    “Kiss my ass, Barton!” Edith retorted as the others laughed.

    “She does have a rather surprising appetite for one so small, doesn’t she?” Loki added with mock seriousness.

    “Oh. Oh, that’s how it is, then? You’re just going to gang up on me, then?” Edith huffed with a surprisingly genuine looking offended expression, “Fine! I don’t need you anyways,” she stood from the couch and moved to the one on the other side of the table, pulling a pizza box closer to her, “I got all I need right here.”

    By the time the rest of the team arrived the conversation had devolved further into a swapping of embarrassing stories that had the three nearly breathless with laughter, which of course was only a prelude to what ensued when the pranks they had set up were triggered. Surprisingly, even Natasha fell victim to one (or pretended to; it was hard to tell with her), though the look on her face promised a swift and terrible revenge.

    Loki walked Edith to her bedroom door after it was all said and done, as he did every night; and as every night, Edith didn’t let him go without a few (dozen) kisses. Not that he was complaining, mind. When the elevator opened onto her floor, Loki found himself face to face with Tony, and gave him a respectful nod before stepping into the car beside him.

    “You and I need to talk,” Tony spoke up after the doors closed and they began moving up.

    “Do we?” Loki asked curiously, “Regarding?”

    “The future. Specifically, your future.” He turned to face Loki. “I need to know how long you’re planning to stick around.”

    “Are you asking me to leave, Stark?”

    “Nope. I’m offering you a job.”

[grandthorkiday]

Mob AU! “Playthings” Part 18

[Link to mob!au anon’s “Playthings" fic tag]

[Start at Part 1]*

(*Note: Link is editable for other parts, just change the number. For mobile users, tag is “playthings part1”)

“I’m here once again in the penthouse suites of the Gladiator Hotel with En Dwi Gast, as well as Thor and Loki Valhalla. I suppose I’ll begin with you Loki. How do you feel?”

“Better than I was a week ago, thank you. A little silly. It all seems very…stupid now that I look back on it. Just all very stupid.”

“Can you take us through what led to you being nearly forced to testify against your boyfriend?”

“It’s all right, sweetheart. Don’t be shy.”

“I uhm…I am a recovering addict and my road to recovery has been rocky to say the least. Especially with my depression. And I had a few friends who never supported my transition to being sober. So a few months ago they came to visit and wanted to get high. I said no. I’m clean now, and I have the best two boyfriends anyone could ask for who want me clean. They didn’t like that because I was the one who would buy so they beat me. I ended up in the hospital. They panted some drugs on me, I guess for revenge and well, the police arrested me.”

“The police and DA claim you weren’t arrested.”

“That’s not what they told me. They arrested me and then claimed I was danger to myself and locked me in mental facility.”

“They say you consented to go.”

“I consented under pressure. I stayed because I thought they were helping. I do have depression and they promised to keep me clean. They promised….it wasn’t until my Father and the State got involved that I realized it was a lie-”

Val turned off the television. She couldn’t watch Gast having Loki lean into him, his arm drapped around the younger man as he spoke. She couldn’t watch as he rubbed his knee tenderly and kissed his forehead occasionally. It made her physically ill and she had to get ready for her ‘workout’.

[read more cut]

Thor hadn’t appeared on Saturday to the gym and Monday he had came and went without speaking to them. Well, barely speaking to them. He had given them a heads up about this interview and a few interdepartmental moles. A few uniform officers in Major Crimes were already placed subtly under surveillance and put on ‘light’ duty to keep them from learning about what was happening thanks to that information.

But the Sakaar mob was not the only thing they had to worry about.

“Again, I really think you two should leave before you fuck us over again,” Bruce said crossing his arms and leaning back in one of the chairs in the private room.

“My client has a right to be here. This is his son,” the lawyer said calmly, not even blinking at the eyes that rolled at the comment.

“So was Loki,” Natasha pointed out.

Odin glared from his position in one of the recliners. “And you saw how he acted in that interview.”

“I don’t know how many times we have to explain that is a lie,” Bruce growled.

“You can stay, but hinder this at all or don’t abide by the rules, you’re out of here and being charged with obstruction,” Tony warned.

The lawyer looked as though he was going to object when the door opened and once again Thor slid into the room. He had a large salad and a to go cup filled with some type of smoothie. Again he had showered before he had come to see them, and the room was filled with the smell of shower gel and deodorant.

“Sorry about Monday. Had promised I’d do something for…well it doesn’t matter. Catch the interview? They’re still playing it and we got another one lined up. Almost wasn’t allowed out!” He laughed as he sat down, throwing down his backpack he had slung over his shoulder down. “Calorie counting, again.” He explained as he waved a hand toward the smoothie.

Val caught sight of Odin. He looked at the young man in shock, his hand wanting to reach out for his son. He was tearing up. In spite of the anger she felt towards him, she couldn’t help but feel sympathy for him in this moment.

“Now, before we begin, I must warn you that we can’t really use much of what Loki already provided us in any trial that goes forward after this,” Tony began, pulling out a large notepad and several pens. While they were indeed still taping the interview, they felt that not telling Thor would be beneficial, allowing for a more honest testimony.

“Double jeopardy,” Thor nodded as he grazed. “Yeah. He crowed about that for a bit once Max got in touch with him.”

“Max?”

“Security guard dude. Guy who slipped Loki the new phone that got him in touch with Grandmaster.” He pointed at the pad of paper, “Should write that down.”

As Tony did, Natasha asked, “We’ll come back to that but I think we should confirm somethings. So we’re all on the same page.”

He shrugged, still eating his salad contentedly, looking vaguely past the female ADA at point on the wall.

“Okay, again just so we’re clear, you and your brother were kidnapped by Gast in 2009 from a bar near NYU?”

“The Independent, or something like that, but yeah.”

“And you were kept a few months in the basement of one of his penthouses?”

Thor nodded nonchalantly. “Don’t remember which one. One of the crappier ones, but that doesn’t much help, does it?”

“No it doesn’t but that doesn’t mean you are not helping. You are being extremely helpful.”

“I wish to ask a question,” the new lawyer said, leaning forward. Thor seemed only mildly surprised at this new person, but Val had a feeling he simply didn’t remember how many people had been there originally. “What part did Loki play in your kidnapping?”

“Loki?” The blonde frowned. “He was kidnapped with me. His part was victim number two. What the hell kind of question was that?!” He was getting agitated, throwing down his fork in frustration.

Before Tony could intercede, the lawyer foolishly said, “Many sources say that Loki helped assist in your capture and-”

The table was banged as Thor brought both fists down on it. He looked the lawyer directly in the eye as he spoke, causing the man to shrink in on himself. It was the first time outside of looking at Gast or Loki that he had looked at anything or anyone directly. “Did those fuckwit PIs my Dad send around tell you that? Those assholes were paid off ten minutes after they were hired. I was in the room when it happened. Loki was in the room! We had to…” He looked away again, and began to shrink once more. He looked so lost and small. His eyes again became unfocused and vacant. “Those PIs were useless.”

There was a tension in the room as the young man breathed heavily for a moment before picking up his fork and viciously stabbing a piece of lettuce.

“Okay, that was very helpful,” Val soothed, sending the lawyer a smug smile.

The lawyer was not done however. “And the relationship between you and Loki? When and how did that begin?”

“2010. Grandmaster gave us an option. Fuck or go back to the basement. The basement was awful. Loki got this had cough when we were down there. In the winter he still gets pretty sick. I think he has an infection or something. He got this fever once where he couldn’t see. I thought he was permanently blind.”

“May I ask why it started?” Bruce asked gently.

“He had access to our internet history. Had a few IT guys on the payroll, learned that later. Saw….,” his hand was shaking as tried to eat. It was obvious he wasn’t tasting anything in his mouth. “Saw the fact that I…had a…I guess you could call it a crush but it was more than that it was-”

“Stop!” Odin stood up and was walking over to Thor, tears on his cheek. “You don’t have to lie for him!! It’s alright, son! It’s alright!”

Whatever one expected of a son and father reuniting after ten years, this was not that. Thor looked shocked at Odin. Fearful even. He was out of his chair and backing up, looking like he was going to flee. His movements were uncoordinated, and his eyes whirled around in terror. Bruce and Val stood and tried to step between them, but Odin shoved them aside trying to embrace Thor who again kept moving away.

“Son! It’s alright! You’re free! You can come home! My boy! My baby boy!” The father’s voice shook as he motioned to the younger man to join him in his embrace.

“What are you doing here? Is this a trick? I said I’m not going to any safehouse-”

“He came on his own accord.” Tony said quickly. “He’s not with us!”

“You can come home with me! Your room is just how you left it.” Odin had finally closed the gap between them, hugging Thor closer than he had ever hugged Loki. Thor was stiff in his arms, eyes lookng vacantly through Bruce and Val.

“I am going back to Loki.” His voice was quiet but firm.

“You don’t have to go back! Not to that monster or his whore ever again.”

The word whore seemed to make Thor come alive. He grabbed Odin and practically threw him into a wall, his fist raised to strike. If took both detectives holding is other arm not to get him to swing.

“You did it didn’t you?! You really did call him a whore!?! I thought it was something he made up to please Grandmaster, but no, you really did it! You called him…FUCK YOU! He used to dream about coming home to you and mom! He used to talk about it all the time! And when he got back this time, how he just cried. You called him a whore?! Why?! Why?!”

“Thor!”

“S-son! My bo-”

“I’m not YOUR boy! Not anymore.” He dropped Odin, still pinning him with proximity and a glare to the wall. “Do you how many opportunities we had to give him information about your business dealings? Do you know how much we could have gained?”

“You would nev-”

“In a heartbeat I would. In a fucking heartbeat. Hey ADA, you wanna know something? About Max? The security guard my…Father hired?”

“S-sure,” Tony said nervously.

“He tried to get Loki to leave. Just walk out the door and leave. Loki said no. Even when he got the phone and could text Grandmaster, he didn’t want to leave. He wanted to stay. But he kept saying he missed him. He missed being held. He missed being told he was good. That’s why he did it, y'know? Tried to kill himself. Because the Grandmaster stopped texting back. I wasn’t allowed on the phone but I would hear it go off. I begged to be able talk to him. But he was bad.”

Thor ran his fingers through his hair and turned away from the wall and his Father and began to pace. His words were quick and crazed as he spoke. “He was bad. He should have just come home. I should have been there. I shouldn’t have been bad in the first place. That’s how this all started! I was bad. I was bad. I was-”

“Thor!” Val grabbed his hand and pulled it way from his head. Calmly, she asked, “What do you mean, this is how it all started?”

“I’m the reason we were separated. And why he was in the hospital. The first time. I saw Heimdall, my old roommate, at a bookshop and got invited for coffee. I used to have a massive crush on him, and I guess it wasn’t one-sided. I begged Grandmaster to let me go on the coffee date. He agreed, but I had to be back by 10. And no touching.” He giggled, a strange weird giggle. “I was just so happy to see him! And he is a PhD candidate now! I stayed until 10:45 and I may have let him kiss me. It was just a friendly one. But Grandmaster gets so jealous. He asked how I felt about hurting him and Loki. Especially Loki. And when I didn’t say anything, he slapped Loki so hard he fell off the couch!”

“He put Loki in the hospital….because he was jealous?”

“Yeah. But it’s okay. It was my fault. I just forgot. I forgot how jealous he gets. He once had my shoulder dislocated because Loki kept talking to this one guy. Don’t even think he liked him, just took to long getting back to our table. He cried when he was told he had to put it back in place. Loki isn’t as strong as me, so it took several tries. And we had to be quiet because there was a meeting.”

Thor slumped forward, swaying slightly. He looked like he was wrung out wash cloth of emotions. They were going to get nothing else from today.

“Y-you wanna pick this up on Saturday?” Bruce asked, patting his shoulder.

“Yeah. I should get going. He wants to watch some old sci-fi movie. I dunno. Maybe we can convince him to watch a comedy.”

It was strange to think of a monster in such human terms. But it was stranger to watch Thor gather his things up and willingly leave to go back to the monster, even turning around and smiling at them as he did so. “See ya, Saturday!”

[demigodofhoolemere]

Oh boy. Here we go. Gonna try to get my Endgame thoughts out. Usually I give spoiler-free versions as well, but... you really can’t say a word about this movie that isn’t a spoiler, so everything goes under the cut.

~~~

Shortest summary: the things that were good were really good, but the things that were bad were just as bad (aka disappointing), and there are gray areas in between that I have complicated feelings for.

I’ll start with the bad so I can end with the good.

Complaints

- Anyone who knows how I feel about Ragnarok knows that the first and most frustration-filled complaint has to be about Thor. I try not to speak too openly about my feelings for that movie, because a) I don’t want to ruin anyone’s fun by saying how much I hate the thing they love, no one wants to hear that, and b) I don’t want to be eaten alive for it anyway. But given that we’re under the cut now: I really hate that movie. And there’s a plethora of things I could get into about that which I won’t, the important point here is that I can’t stand Thor’s characterization. They stripped him of everything that made him who he was, to the point of such unrecognizability that I only call him by name in quotation marks or refer to him as Fake Thor. I know how many people consider the overhaul an improvement, but I genuinely loved who he once was, and they turned my boy into the exact kind of character that I hate ten out of ten times. Infinity War, while still very much trying to keep with who he’d become, seemed like it was attempting to course-correct and let him actually be serious again, he definitely had some moments that I liked where I could see him as the Thor I know peeking out again. Foolishly I assumed Endgame would follow suit, especially since this is supposed to be the biggest, darkest movie ever. Instead I’m subjected to a “Thor” who is SOMEHOW even further removed from recognition and manages to even be an insult to Ragnarok Thor, who in the very least refused to give up on his goals and knew that hiding and drinking wasn’t the answer to problems. This yet newer version is drinking himself into oblivion and not trying even a bit to actually be any kind of leader for his people, and it’s all played for laughs. This genuinely tragic and miserable state they put him in is all played for laughs. I was looking forward to seeing how they’d have Thor respond to his trauma and depression, foolishly thinking that his characterization might be slowly headed to a better place and it might be something like how we used to see Thor deal with his pain (quietly, soldiering on, but clearly without his heart completely in it, he tries to be okay and he hides it and he smiles but it doesn’t reach his eyes, and he hurts and he grieves but he never gives up because surrender is not in his nature) — but it turns out the man can’t even be depressed without it being a joke. It honestly pained me to watch and I wanted to throw up, because it feels like a stranger walking around in Thor’s corpse, and because it was all just one long joke about him being sad and fat (like that’s okay to make fun of?), and all of this during the hugest movie event ever. The culmination of a decade of stories, and this is what we get. A disgrace in every way. It’s terrible but when Thanos was digging the weapon into his chest, I was actually hoping he’d die. I can’t take it anymore. The only reason I have left for caring whether he lives is purely for Loki’s sake at this point, because he shouldn’t have to lose his brother, but then again, I really don’t even feel like his brother is home anymore. The lights are on but it’s someone else in the house and I don’t know who he is, all I know is I never want to have to see him again. (When Frigga says he’s not the Thor she knows... I know she meant it differently but that was a mood).

- Also, he never talks about Loki for a second, not a single namedrop, he’s not even alluded to in the present day outside of the audience simply knowing that it’s part of the reason Thor hates Thanos, but it’s vague at best. He outright walks past Loki in his cell without a moment of reaction. Their entire history and bond is treated as nonexistent. Thanks.

- While they were at it the movie also refused to acknowledge anything that Thanos did to Loki pre-New York, which I really didn’t expect but it would have been nice. Best we have is two seconds in IW of Bruce saying that he “sent” him, which really doesn’t do justice to the truth of it. And the thing is... I don’t know that I can even expect the Loki series to address it, either. It’s not present day Loki, which I’m peeved about because I wanted him back, and now we lose all post-Avengers character development, and I lose hope of seeing the one thing I’ve wanted for this character in the 7 years I’ve known and loved him: healing. I’ve only ever wanted to see him get help, figure out his mind, figure out who he wants to be, make progress and get better. Goodness knows that’s all Tom ever talks about wanting for him, too. I doubt that will happen now, given that a) they had Loki peace out with the Tesseract and b) the synopsis was something about him traveling through Earth history and influencing events, both of which tell me we could easily be going down the ‘haha I love stealing the Tesseract and stabbing people at random’ road that I so don’t want to go down, with an added ‘I want to screw up time just because’ for good measure. He’s a trickster, yes, but he didn’t used to be like this, and if this is all they’ll let him be then I lose hope of seeing him allowed to be emotional, or having any of his trauma acknowledged, or being shown to have actual personal motivations and desires outside of mischief, and the hope that he would have a moral code and display a capacity for goodness (yes, Loki has those things) is likely a pipe dream. Tom is my only hope, and knowing how he is with the character, his hands are extremely safe ones to be in and I know that no matter what’s written he’ll do all he can to bring as much truth to Loki as possible, but it still depends on who’s in charge, and unless by miracle it ends up being Kenneth Branagh, I have trust issues. I’m happy he’s alive at all but I’m worried about my boy. I just want him back from the present day, revived from having to be brutally murdered by his torturer, and out of the hands of anyone who’s not going to take care of his character.

- By the way, is “the sun will shine on us again” really just false hope after all that? He was the only optimistic person in the movie and had a suspicious 3+ minute absence where he could have been doing anything, and nothing comes of that? I mean, I’m grateful for the true sacrifice, and I’m glad the Russos know that he would do that (my issue with the scene not being that he uses a dagger, but only that we’re not shown him trying anything else first; I believe he’d do what he did if it was the last possible thing he could attempt, I just wish we’d been shown that that was definitively the case), and that it didn’t lean into the ‘oh he just loves faking his death’ misunderstanding, but I was kinda hoping for a reversal, you know? It wouldn’t change the impact, he still made his choice and it’s still massive for the character, it just... wouldn’t have to be permanent... please I miss my son so much.

- PROFFESOR HULK. I was afraid they’d go down this route, and it seemed more or less confirmed by the time the movie was about to come out. I’m highly uncomfortable with the whole concept, I’ve never liked it in any medium. Bruce was already OOC as well at times, particularly his first scene in the diner, but having him do this pretty much equates to him murdering Hulk. It’s Bruce’s consciousness in Hulk’s body, which kind of kicks out Hulk. Is his mind trapped inside or is he just gone? Either way, there’s clearly no intention of ever reversing this, which ends up still effectively killing Hulk no matter how you go about it. The arc Bruce has been on was supposed to be about him accepting Hulk, and the two of them learning to work together better. Having Bruce decide that he only wants the body is NOT conflict resolution. They acted like it was the best of both worlds, as if Hulk was only ever a secondary body and not an actual separate living personality, which drives me crazy. He was unceremoniously taken out, offscreen, by the same man who gave him life. He deserved better than that, he deserved to live. Now we’ll never see him again. Not a fun day to be a Hulk fan.

- Over-the-top humor where there shouldn’t have been. I love good humor, I’m grateful for relief from angst, and there were some very good funny moments, but there comes a point where it shouldn’t be done, if you can’t do it well and in a way that is not inappropriate for the tone (hint: fat jokes are inappropriate for the tone). Humor abuse is frustratingly growing more and more common, in Marvel and in general.

- Angst for the sake of angst regardless of whether it could have been avoided. I know that much of fiction works like this but still. Stephen could have used the Time Stone on Tony’s injuries to bring him to the moment before it happened, so that he could be saved without undoing the victory. He saved Wong that way, Thanos used the stone on Vision without changing anything else around him, we know it’s possible. Same could have been done for Nat, too. And my sister pointed out that they should have just time traveled to somewhere in that 22-day timespan to get the stones from Thanos before he destroyed them, because they were all together and it would have saved them the time heist and the massive battle. I know the movie would have been over quickly, but seriously, they went to a lot of trouble that they didn’t need to. I like having reasons for why things have to be done or not done a certain way, rather than asking me to ignore the obvious ways out.

- The time travel logic REALLY needed to be explained better. They made a point of contradicting the traditionally accepted time travel rules, and made a minor attempt at explaining how they were choosing to do it, but didn’t make it clear enough to follow. I can’t figure out for the life of me what’s supposed to become of Gamora, or why Nebula killing herself in the past doesn’t kill her in the present, or what in the world happens to personal timelines that have been tampered with (Loki not experiencing TDW and onward, Peggy not having her family, etc), among many other questions. Nothing makes any sense and they left a total mess in their wake. It felt like they were just giving themselves a pass to do whatever they wanted rather than follow any logic.

- On that note: Gamora. As much as I refuse to give up hope for her, it seems to me that they’re not planning on fixing that. The only reason I hadn’t been as panicked for her wellbeing as I could have been was because I figured they couldn’t just leave things that way. I remembered James Gunn once said that Vol 3 could be watched without having seen IW and Endgame, which implied to me that there would be no Guardians deaths that wouldn’t get undone, but now I’m wondering if it’s set before IW or I just misremembered what he said entirely - either way it’s feeling like we’re really just starting over with 2014 Gamora, which is all kinds of messed up to 2018 Gamora. What kind of ending is that? Killed by her abusive kidnapper “father”, and trying to make the audience sympathetic to his pain? That scene was beautifully done, in a sick and twisted way, but it needs to be fixed. I want her back in one piece. She deserved to see the end of Thanos, in her own normal timeline and not in her new one, and move on with her life and her sister and her family. Justice for Gamora.

- Rocket calling Mantis “the chick with the antennae”, as if he wasn’t friends with her for four years. I’m pretending that he was just getting too emotional saying all of their names and decided to distance himself from it, because that’s the only thing that makes sense, unless he’s legitimately having a memory problem in his older age. Rocket is gruff but his team is his family and that includes Mantis.

- Five years later. Why. Please don’t make my kids go through this for five years. You only did this for the Morgan pain, you sadists. You know that’s the only reason you did this, it didn’t need to be five years, why do you like to hurt me—

- In general it just felt like it didn’t live up to the promises Infinity War made? It feels like a completely different event.

- No Dum-E and U at the funeral. Unrealistic, Tony wouldn’t stand to have his bots left out. I know this isn’t important, but it’s important.

Conflicting Feelings

- Less worried about Vision since I know he and Wanda have a show coming and Feige said that the Disney+ shows are post-Endgame, but we don’t know in what capacity he’ll appear. He could be emotionless White Vision, or Wanda could be going House-of-M style and hallucinating him or trying to change reality to keep him, or who knows what else. Hopefully it’s all good. Cautiously optimistic?

- Not sure about Clint becoming a killer. I can buy a mourning family man having that anger in him, and I know Ronin is a comics thing and that historically he can have a bit of a temper at times, but at the same time... it’s Clint. I can’t figure out how I feel about it.

- What Tony did was amazing and everything, but Nebula still should have been the one to kill Thanos.

- Making it five years later makes things very awkward for setting things right. If you were to undo everything, you erase important things that happened in the time since, especially children born (and when they introduced Morgan I knew what path they were taking). It makes sense to bring people back without turning the time back. But the snapped people also miss five years of world developments, five years of their loved ones’ lives, and will now forever be younger than people that they used to be older than. Worse, it won’t undo the damage that was done outside of the snap. People who died in crashes because their drivers or pilots disappeared, people who died on operating tables because their surgeons disappeared, people who committed suicide because they couldn’t live with what happened. Those people are never coming back, unless we pretend that Tony took them into account when he fixed things. It’s just... no matter what way you go about fixing things, it’s uncomfortable for somebody.

- Nat’s death. Conflicted purely because I love her and I want her back. The death was incredibly well done and emotionally impactful and believable for the character and the journey she’s been on all these years. Can’t say enough for how much I loved she and Clint stopping each other back and forth, and how flipping proud I am of her and who she is. I would bring her back in a heartbeat and I’m completely devastated, but I’m so proud. However, where was her funeral?

- Tony... I sooo prepped myself for the wrong Avenger. I’ve been expecting Steve to die for years now, so that’s what I went in thinking would happen, and while I did have my concerns and occasional doubts, I had become like 90% convinced that Tony would be okay because I didn’t think they could actually do it, especially with him having so much to live for. It’s utterly heartbreaking, because we’ve gone through YEARS with him, he’s suffered so much and he’s earned his happy ending a thousand times over, it was owed to him, and to watch him die when happiness was within his grasp... that’s not entertainment anymore, you know? It’s just twisted and sadistic. I can see how it ties things together and wraps up his story, but not in a satisfying way. I wanted nothing more than for him to get to live with his family. If he had to die, the way they did it was amazing, it was beautiful and epic and it meant something, the reactions of Pepper and the others were completely heartbreaking in every horrible way, they used so many callbacks to his previous movies and especially the first one (I am NOT even getting into all of them, holy crap, they murdered me so many times over), it hit in all the right ways and it was all the right kinds of angst, it’s exactly the kind of thing I’d have done if I had to write that... but I didn’t want this. I’m devastated beyond description. I had to watch my sweet boy die with my own two eyes. He built the MCU from the ground up and this is his sendoff. It’s certainly one befitting his character, but that doesn’t mean it’s what he deserved. I want to erase this from my memories. Nothing happened, it’s fine.

- This one is going to sound cruel, but... as much as I don’t want Steve to die, I would have been less dissatisfied if it had been him. He had less to lose, I felt. He never truly felt like he belonged in the 21st century, he always struggled to figure himself and his place in life out, never seemed very comfortable in his own skin. It would have made sense for him to be the one to make the sacrifice. I could have accepted him achieving his personal peace in reuniting with the loved ones he’s lost, he’d get so much of his life back even if it had to be in the next one.

- On the Steve note, I love him and Peggy as much as the next person, truly truly truly, but... she had a family, she had an entire life. The Russos claim that the family still exists, but because none of this timeline stuff was made clear, it just feels like Steve erased her whole history so he could be with her and it honestly came across as uncharacteristically selfish of him. Yes, he deserves happiness as much as any of the Avengers, and believe me, I was sobbing watching them finally get their dance. Part of me is happy and satisfied. But... it doesn’t feel right. Not him messing with her life, not him going through all of those decades knowing what was happening to Bucky and doing nothing, not any of it. Obviously I know he struggled to move on, I mentioned that above, but he DID create a family and he had friends and people he loved, and he just left them. It doesn’t sit well. It gets worse when you factor Sharon into it, because for one thing, she’d now be his grand-niece and he’d have to live with the knowledge that he’s kissed her, and for another, talk about one last kick to the dead horse that was any hope of Sharon being allowed an ounce of good treatment from the MCU. There was a draft of IW where she and Steve were trying to live in an apartment together, that kind of seals the deal that they were attempting a relationship, and yet... not one bit of consideration for her. I’ve never even shipped the two together, but I care about Sharon and she has been done SO dirty, I feel so bad. I wish I could be happy about Steve and Peggy’s happy ending without so many things hanging uncomfortably overhead.

Good

- Got to watch Thanos die twice.

- Got to watch Tony and Nebula play table football.

- Clint has finally returned to me!!!

- So many good character interactions with emotional depth and people truly being friends. Eating sandwiches and laying around brainstorming. Steve and Natasha is always a favorite. Nat and Clint absolutely destroyed me, I love how they are as close as is humanly possible without crossing the romantic threshold (pretty similar to her with Steve, come to think of it). I loved Tony and Nebula’s relationship, and her scenes with Rhodey were meaningful. She and Rocket holding hands, my heart. Some good Rhodey and Carol content in there. Very nice to see Scott interact with people more properly than he got to in CW, and to see the Guardian survivors dealing with their Earth friends (I am never getting over Nat receiving emails from Rocket). That Clint and Wanda moment got me. Also just... so nice to see Clint even exist to interact with anyone at all, frankly. And I finally started to believe Steve and Tony as friends in this canon. A little.

- Generally just emotional about all of my babies.

- MARRIED PEPPERONY. WITH A CHILD. PRECIOUS FATHER TONY STARK. ALL MY DREAMS COME TRUE. I CAN’T EVEN BEGIN. I CAN’T GET INTO THIS. IT’S TOO MUCH FOR MY HEART. I HAVE TO LEAVE IT AT THAT.

- Gamora and Nebula being sisters!

- Harley! This wasn’t how I wanted to see him again, but Harley!

- A few seconds of light of my life Janet van Dyne!

- And Hank! Present day AND amazing 70s flashback hair with that beautiful classic Ant-Man helmet that would have been completely impractical function-wise but that I love and appreciate seeing!

- Scott and Cassie killed me. Anything Ant-Man related killed me. I have so many questions about what happened to people. What was Cassie’s living situation like? Are Maggie and Paxton okay? Luis? Kurt and Dave? I hope Ava did get snapped, actually, for her own sake considering she needed the particles to live and she wouldn’t have been getting them, and I don’t want Bill to be without her so hopefully they went together and can come back together.

- Carol. Just Carol.

- Rocket is always a delight.

- Again with the Budapest baiting! I want to know!

- Loved seeing the Ancient One! A breath of fresh air in a rollercoaster of breathlessness.

- The bit with Peter Quill on Morag made me smile so big. Loved the bonus shot of him singing along badly when we can’t hear the song. I needed that bit of happiness. Plus, GotG is one of the only ones I never ended up seeing when it was still in theaters, so it was great to be able to experience at least that part on the big screen.

- Man, going back to 2012 made me miss those days so hard.

- Appreciated the Winter Soldier references and appearances.

- Steve knowing he could disarm himself just by mentioning Bucky, my heart!

- Edwin Jarvis, my love! I can’t believe they incorporated one of the shows into one of the movies!

- Tony with Howard was so emotional. I know a lot of people hate Howard, and I get why, but I’ve always enjoyed seeing him, and I’m grateful that Tony has been able to really get closure in regards to his relationship with his father. It doesn’t change the negligence, but it’s important that Tony be able to be in a good place, I’m happy he’s healing. He made my heart turn mush during that sequence.

- WHEN STEVE WAS STANDING ON HIS OWN AGAINST THANOS AND HIS ENTIRE ARMY. POWERFUL.

- AND SUDDENLY YOU HEAR SAM’S VOICE AND “ON YOUR LEFT” AND YOU CRY.

- AND SUDDENLY YOU SEE A PORTAL OPENING AND YOU SCREAM BECAUSE LIGHT OF YOUR LIFE STEPHEN VINCENT STRANGE IS ALIVE.

- AND SUDDENLY YOUR WAKANDAN BABIES ARE BACK AND YOUR CHEST SWELLS.

- AND SUDDENLY EVERYONE YOU’VE EVER LOVED IS ALL THERE AND IT’S A BEAUTIFUL POWERFUL ENSEMBLE AND EVERYTHING THAT YOU NEEDED.

- AND AVENGERS ASSEMBLE. FINALLY.

- AND PEPPER COMES IN THE RESCUE ARMOR THAT YOU’VE BEEN WAITING FOR SINCE 2013 AND SHE AND TONY ARE A BACK-TO-BACK POWER COUPLE.

- AND TONY AND PETER REUNITE AND ALL IS RIGHT WITH THE WORLD.

- AND STEPHEN IS MOSES AND IT’S AMAZING.

- AND WANDA IS READY TO FLIPPING OBLITERATE THANOS AND START UNLEASHING SOME CHAOS MAGIC AND YOU’VE NEVER FELT SO ALIVE.

- AND CAROL IS WRECKING THANOS’S SHIPS AND YOU’RE LAUGHING WITH GLEE.

- AND ALL OF THE WOMEN GATHER PROTECTIVELY AROUND PETER AND YOU’VE NEVER RELATED TO ANY OF THEM MORE AND YOU DON’T EVEN CARE THAT IT’S CONTRIVED THAT IT’S CONVENIENTLY ALL OF THE WOMEN BECAUSE THIS IS WAY TOO AWESOME OF A SHOT TO NITPICK.

- AND SCOTT AND HOPE ARE ADORABLE AND PERFECT.

- AND GAMORA DOESN’T KNOW PETER AND YOU CRY.

- AND STEVE IS WIELDING MJOLNIR AND YOU’RE SCREAMING BECAUSE YOU KNEW IT, WORTHY WORTHY WORTHY WORTHY WORTHY!!!!!

- AND YOU KEEP SCREAMING THROUGH THE ENTIRE BATTLE BECAUSE IT’S INCREDIBLE!!!

- I’M STILL LIVING ON THAT HIGH IN CASE YOU COULDN’T TELL!!!

- !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

- And then just. Stephen lifts a finger. And you know.

- “I. Am. Iron Man.”

- Honestly thought he was going to say ‘invincible’ as a shout-out to his comic adjective but the full circle is way better and I’m a wreck. All hail Anthony Edward Stark.

- Watching Thanos turn to dust is very, very satisfying.

- For all of the years they teased Bucky!Cap, you’d think I’d be a bit put out that we’re not getting it, but honestly? Sam!Cap is a better fit, I think. Bucky needs rest, he deserves to not have to fight anymore. Sam has the skills and personality of a good leader, setting a moral example you want to follow, he embodies what it means and what it takes to be Captain America. He’s gonna be awesome at it.

- Peter and Ned reuniting at school! Babies!

- Happy’s general presence just made me weepy, I love him and we owe Jon Favreau everything.

- Erik Selvig on a screen! Why he was listed as deceased when there’s a (supposedly?) canon tie-in book that features him very much alive, I have no idea, but seeing him made me smile nonetheless.

- Seeing 2012 Thor again made me SO happy you have NO idea holy crap.

- Just seeing Loki again at all. Mimicking Steve, being snarky, waving goodbye to Hulk in the elevator. I’m happy to accept that little bit as canon, because it was actually good. It was what I needed to soothe my soul. I miss you, my beautiful sassmaster child. Come back to me.

- And Loki in the cell. That was always one of my favorite shots anyway, but just... such a breath of air. To see Loki on the big screen again, and not just that, but to specifically get a Dark World clip? I feel alive.

- The fact that Dark World is even being acknowledged as having existed is greatly pleasing to me, let alone being treated to seeing some of it again. Those were the freaking days, man.

- SEEING ASGARD AGAIN MADE ME SOB. MY TEARS WERE NOT PRETTY, BUT ASGARD SURE WAS. I MISS YOU, ASGARD.

- JANE FREAKING FOSTER. MY GIRL. I HOPED SHE’D SHOW BUT I DIDN’T WANT TO EXPECT ANYTHING BUT OH MY WORD DID I CRY. I CRIED SO HARD. I FINALLY GOT TO SEE HER AGAIN AFTER SO LONG. IT’S BEEN SO FLIPPING LONG BUT MY GIRL IS FINALLY REMEMBERED. HER DELETED SCENE WAKING UP IN THE ROOM ACTUALLY GOT USAGE YEARS LATER. AND JUST. NEW JANE. NEW JANE MATERIAL. ALL SHE DID WAS ASK FOR PANTS BUT I’LL TAKE IT. EVERY SECOND WAS A TREASURE. I MISSED YOU JANE I MISSED YOU SO MUCH. COME BACK TO ME. WRITERS PLEASE BRING HER BACK. I NEED TO SEE HER GET TO USE HER SMARTS AGAIN. I MISS MY GENIUS BABY GIRL.

- FRIGGA. WONDERFUL BEAUTIFUL APPLE OF MY EYE ALLMOTHER FRIGGA. I CANNOT EXPRESS HOW GOOD IT WAS TO SEE HER. AFTER ALL THIS TIME, IN ALL HER AMAZING FRIGGA GLORY. MY QUEEN. I MISSED HER SO FLIPPING MUCH. I CANNOT BELIEVE I HAVE NEW FRIGGA CONTENT. SHE WAS SO PERFECTLY HERSELF. I CHERISHED EVERY MOMENT. TALKING ABOUT SENDING LOKI SOME SOUP AND SOME BOOKS BECAUSE OF COURSE SHE WOULD. SEEING RIGHT THROUGH FUTURE THOR BECAUSE OF COURSE SHE WOULD. I’M SO GLAD SHE WAS SHOWN TO BE IMPORTANT TO THOR BECAUSE THEY WERE ALWAYS THE LEAST DEVELOPED DYNAMIC OF THE FAMILY AND ALL OF THEIR SCENES ARE CUT. SHE WAS RAISED BY WITCHES AND NOW I HAVE A MIGHTY NEED TO KNOW MORE ABOUT THAT. ALWAYS SO GENTLE AND CARING TOWARDS HER SONS. ALWAYS SO PERCEPTIVE. HER BEAUTIFUL AMAZING FRIGGA SMILE. WAVING AT ROCKET. THE WAY SHE TALKS. THE WAY SHE SAVED THE SCENE AND MY SANITY. IT WAS PERFECT. SHE’S PERFECT. I NEED HER BACK ALREADY. SHE CAN NEVER LEAVE ME AGAIN. SHE MADE THIS TORTURE BEARABLE AND I MISS HER AGAIN ALREADY.

- ALL THE THINGS RELATED TO GETTING MY OLD THOR WORLD BACK ARE VERY OBVIOUSLY MY FAVORITE PARTS THAT MADE ME HAPPIER THAN I COULD POSSIBLY BEGIN TO DESCRIBE AND I AM GOING TO BE LIVING OFF OF THIS VICTORY FOREVER.

Conclusion

The things I don’t like aren’t canon and everyone is totally fine and nothing is wrong at all. I’m taking the good stuff and running away with it and doing whatever I want with it to turn it all into the best possible version in my head. The end.