#I simply can’t stop sharing people singing in the car videos now can I

[f-oighear]

I love them so much. So, so much.

[lady-of-the-lotus]

Xuexiao Goes to the DMV

Xue Yang and Xiao Xingchen go to the DMV (aka Where Hope Goes To Die) and share a kiss.

That’s it. That’s the fic.

Xuexiao - T (just for some cursing) - Read on AO3!

*

“If you hear about someone going berserk in a DMV on the news, that’ll be me,” the mechanical text-to-speech voice reads aloud, and Xiao Xingchen turns to Xue Yang questioningly.

Xue Yang reaches over and turns the volume down on Xingchen’s phone. “Meant to send that to A-Qing.”

“Are we going to be escorted out? Again?”

Xue Yang grins and looks around the room. They’ve already been at the DMV for over an hour. Dozens of people are draped limply over the hard orange seats, eyes glazed, going down for the third time in a sea of government bureaucracy.

“Ticket 4352, now being served at window thirty-three,” announces the robotic voice over the loudspeaker.

“It would take an alien invasion to wake these people up,” Xue Yang says as a man in overalls shuffles past. “You should see these people. This must be what a lobotomy post-op recovery room looks like.”

“Mmhmm.”

“Like the world’s most incompetent deli, filled with zombie customers waiting to eat the brains of whatever the opposite of employee of the month is. Well, ‘brains.’ They work at the DMV, after all.”

Xiao Xingchen adjusts his sunglasses. “Let's not be mean.”

“And we can all hear you,” adds a woman on his left. “Not that it made much sense.”

Xue Yang makes a face at her and turns back to Xingchen. “If they make me come back a third time, I’m going to go postal. You know, going postal should be called ‘going DMV.’ It’s catchier, for one thing, and I’ve never so much as stepped foot in a post office—”

“I’m keeping you far away from post offices. Those poor people have suffered enough.”

“How so?”

“Well, there must be a reason they go postal, right?”

Xue Yang rolls his eyes. “If the post office has the same taste in music as the DMV, I don’t blame them. Who picked this station? If it’s not Justin Bieber it’s whoever inflicted ‘Kiss Me Through the Phone’ on the world. I’d like to do something to them through the phone, and it won’t be a kiss, I can tell you that much.”

Xiao Xingchen takes a Snickers bar out of the fanny pack Xue Yang has vainly begged him not to wear. “According to the television commercials, this will improve your mood.”

“My mood?” Xue Yang takes a bite. “If I have to hear ‘Baby’ one more time—”

“Ticket 9753, now being served at window fourteen.”

“ ‘Served.’ Ha. As if.”

Xiao Xingchen feels around for another Snickers bar but comes up empty. He should have planned this better. He’d sensed Xue Yang’s mood coming on last night as Xue Yang went through his documents. He’d been cheerful enough until he found his birth certificate in the bundle of papers he’d been given after leaving his last group home.

Then he’d grown strangely quiet, and wandered aimlessly around their apartment for an hour, carrying his phone around with him and switching between a half-dozen different YouTube videos before deciding to bake brownies at 1am and burning them when he got distracted playing video games. He wasn’t paying much attention to the video game, either, going by his cursing as he got repeatedly blown up by what Xingchen suspects was a twelve-year old somewhere in Japan, and eventually gave that up to go take apart their toaster in the interest of “fixing” it.

Now he sits beside Xingchen, jiggling his leg. Xiao Xingchen wants to ask him about his birth certificate, but he hadn't dared to last night, and doesn’t dare now.

“Ticket 9755, now being served at Window 26.”

“Weren’t you 9754?” he asks Xue Yang.

“Oh, crap—” Xue Yang jumps to his feet and rushes to Window 26, brushing past a mohawked man holding a ticket marked 9755. “I’m 9754.”

The woman behind the glass may as well have been carved from wood. “You missed your number.”

“There was no announcement!”

“Or your number isn’t working. It’s not showing up on my computer.”

“What the hell does that mean? I’m on the screen! Look!” Xue Yang jabs a finger at the screen above the booth. At the bottom of the list it reads Ticket 9754 – Window 26. “9754! Window 26! All you need to do is take my picture—”

“Get back in line. Get a new ticket. Window 13.”

“Get back in line?” He looks over at the line for Window 13. It wraps around the entire room. “I already have a number! I’m on the screen!”

“Back. In. Line.”

“Just take the damn photo—”

Xingchen lays a hand on his arm. “Thank you, ma’am. We’ll get back in line.”

“Like hell we will! I’ve been here since 5 o’clock—I made an appointment! I even brought my own pen! You ever watch Monsters Inc.? You know Roz? Are you her evil older sister? Because you look exactly like—”

“Back of the line.”

“Younger sister, then. Happy?”

The woman doesn’t bother shrugging. “You’re blocking traffic.”

Xingchen begins to move, heading in the wrong direction. Xue Yang has no choice but to follow or else let him walk into a column plastered with posters emblazoned with, Make your visit easy - download the forms at dmv.gov! , Streamline your visit - make an appointment online today!, and We’re here to help!

“Let’s just go home,” says Xue Yang. “The gray, water stained walls are starting to close in. At any second I expect a giant ball to roll towards us. Well, wrong movie—whatever. I’m sick of this place. It’s cursed.”

“We’re just going to have to come back, and you’ll have wasted the hour we already spent here.”

Xue Yang groans and gets in line behind a woman with three small screaming children. “This whole thing is stupid. We can barely afford rent, let alone a car."

"We will, one day. Besides, it's good to have a license."

"We’ll just take trains and buses everywhere, or you can learn to drive. We'll fudge the vision test."

Xingchen laughs. Xue Yang relaxes slightly at the sound. After a moment, Xingchen slips his hand in his. He’s not one for public displays of affection, but there’s an edge in Xue Yang’s voice that has nothing to do with his return to Window 13.

Xue Yang’s hand tightens in his, and Xingchen rubs it reassuringly with his thumb.

“You again?” says the woman at Window 13 when they finally make it there, twenty minutes later.

“That power-mad dictator at Window 26 wouldn’t take my picture.”

The woman tilts her head at Xue Yang. “She wouldn’t?”

Xue Yang tilts his head back at her, as if to say, I know! Who wouldn’t want to photograph me ?

She smiles, a synthetic smile that reminds Xue Yang of his friend Lan Xichen’s dimpled little fiance. “Strange.”

“ ‘Strange’? I knew she could have just done it had she wanted to—”

The woman blinks at him, her smile growing faker by the minute. “I’m sure what she told you was accurate.”

“Sure, and there is no war in Ba-Sing-Se—”

Xiao Xingchen squeezes his hand, and Xue Yang stops talking and passes her his form. She stamps it a second time and hands him another ticket.

He and Xingchen return to the waiting area. Xue Yang puts his boots up on the seat next to him, resting his head on Xingchen’s shoulder.

“Describe the room to me again,” Xingchen says, trying to distract him from his brooding and, with any luck, keep him from taking out his Swiss army knife and carving his initials into the seat and get them kicked out again. Xue Yang has a talent for describing things, and Xingchen has been trying to encourage him to start writing.

Xue Yang begins to play with his long sleek ponytail. “Purgatory’s antechamber. Humanity’s lost-and-found. A void where time has no meaning. Pit of despair and industrial cleaner.”

Xingchen chuckles, making sure it’s loud enough for Xue Yang to hear.

“If their posters were honest, they’d all be in Comic Sans font, with things like, Where hope goes to die; This is your home now; Nothing escapes our pull, not even time; Human sacrifices while you wait—”

“Human sacrifices?”

"Yeah, I think so."

A crackle of static over the speaker as a new song comes on. “You know you love me, I know you care...Just shout whenever and I'll be there….”

Xue Yang starts up violently, but Xiao Xingchen gently pulls him back down beside him. “Some kind of cannibal conspiracy?” he asks, hoping Xue Yang’s knife has remained in his pocket and is not seconds away from being embedded in a blaring loudspeaker.

Xue Yang settles back against his shoulder. “I’m positive Overalls Guy never returned from Window 17. He’s probably in the office barbecue pit.”

“This must go all the way to the top. Shift supervisor too, I’d guess.”

“Baby, baby, baby oh….Like baby, baby, baby no….”

Xue Yang stops playing with his hair and starts picking at his black nail polish. He’s feeling a bit better, Xingchen’s shoulder warm and solid. “I swear that Roz lady put a curse on me. They all probably dance in a circle around a stack of burning Social Security cards every night, chanting.” He squirms, suddenly bored. “You got any more food? I’m starving.”

Xingchen rummages in his fanny pack. “Just a burned brownie.”

“I swear I set a timer!"

The timer had gone off while Xingchen was in the shower last night. Xue Yang had simply ignored it, too absorbed in trying to virtually blow up his twelve-year-old nemesis. He tends to ignore timers while cooking, usually followed by a mad rush to the kitchen to salvage dinner. “You know dinner is ready when the smoke detector goes off,” he likes to say.

Xue Yang sniffs the crumpled foil surrounding the charred black brownie chunk. “Is this the same foil I wrapped your tuna sandwich in yesterday?”

“We only have one earth!”

“Xingchen, I swear—” Xue Yang stops, rolling his eyes fondly. He’s never met anyone who can be so annoying and endearing at the same time.

Xingchen takes the brownie back. “I'll eat it. I like the burned bits.”

"It's all burned bits."

"Exactly. Perfect."

“She knows she's got me dazing, 'cause she was so amazin'....And now my heart is breakin', but I just keep on sayin'....”

“Who wrote this? I swear I won’t hurt them. I just want their address.”

Xingchen knows he shouldn’t laugh at that, but he can’t help it.

They sit there for another half hour, talking. Xue Yang has succeeded in denuding the nails of his left hand when his number is finally called. He gets his photo taken by a man with glazed eyes and no chin, and is shuffled off to the next waiting area.

“They refused to show me my photo,” he says as they settle back down. “I swear the camera stole my soul and is using it to power the fluorescent lights. I feel at peace now. Kind of floating.” He discovers a piece of gum in his jeans pocket and begins to loudly blow bubbles, making full eye contact with the annoyed Bluetooth Guy and irritated Woman With Facial Tattoo Of Bugs Bunny. “I am one with the DMV demigods, part of something larger than myself.”

“Like joining the army.”

“Or drowning in the ocean.” He lays down with his head in Xingchen’s lap, boots on the edge of Bluetooth Guy’s seat. “Why does your fanny pack smell like patchouli? Have you been burning weird hippie incense again? You promised you’d stop after you set fire to your curtains.”

Xingchen would rather Xue Yang didn’t semi-cuddle him in public, but Xue Yang’s energy is calmer when he’s touching Xingchen, and he lets him stay. “It’s that new candle you bought me, remember?”

“Right. Bought you.”

“What do you—”

“I thought it was peppermint.”

Xingchen bites his lip. Xue Yang is…well, he can read well enough to pass a driving test, but his education was…slipshod at best. Next on Xingchen’s list is encouraging Xue Yang to get his GED.

“You smell like a music festival,” says Xue Yang. “I must have grabbed the wrong one in the store. I sniffed all of them. My picture is probably hanging beside the register of every Bath & Body Works in town: ‘Beware the Candle Perv’—”

“At least someone was willing to take your picture.”

Xue Yang laughs. Xingchen rests a hand on his chest, heedless of the people around them. He likes how Xue Yang feels when he laughs, his whole body shaking, making no attempt to hide his feelings. Xue Yang makes him laugh so often, it’s a special joy for him to return the favor.

They’ve been there almost two and a half hours when Xue Yang’s number is finally called. As if the DMV curse is kicking in again, the loudspeakers creep up another few decibels.

“Like baby, baby, baby no, like baby, baby, baby oh, thought you'd always be mine, mine….”

“Xue Yang—” Xingchen starts before Xue Yang can say anything.

“I know, I know. This is penance for my putting that egg in Song Lan’s shoe last week. The DMV knows all. The DMV was here before us, and will be here after we are gone. The DMV—”

“—The DMV will make us wait in line again, if we don’t hurry.”

Together they go to Window 10, where a drab little man sifts through Xue Yang’s documents. “Fifties, balding, completely dead inside,” Xue Yang whispers to Xingchen.

“I’m thirty-nine,” says the man in a monotone, not looking up, “and you’re missing a birth certificate. And what’s this stain on your Social Security card?”

“Definitely not blood.”

The man stares at him with eyes that, had his life force not already been sucked out of Xue Yang by an afternoon at the DMV, would have done the job. “Current passport, or birth certificate.”

Xue Yang hesitates, then slips a folded piece of pink paper under the glass partition.

The man unfolds it with the sterling speed of a drugged snail and spreads it over the counter. He lines up Xue Yang’s Social Security card, bank statement, and birth certificate, and examines them line by line as if he’s a Bletchley Circle analyst and Xue Yang’s documents are intercepted enemy transmissions.

He looks up at Xue Yang. “Is this a valid birth certificate? There are no parent names listed, and the date of birth has an asterisk—”

“I know what it has!”

“What’s your date of birth?” The man slowly pushes his chair back. “I’m going to have to get a supervisor—”

Xue Yang slams the counter. Xingchen lays a hand on his arm. It’s a miracle Xue Yang’s knife isn’t out. “Don’t you fucking dare! This is what they do when—just Google it, okay? I don’t know what day I was born, they just put whatever date they thought was accurate—”

Xingchen swallows hard.

He had known Xue Yang had grown up in foster care, but had assumed he had been given up by his parents as a child when they could no longer take care of him.

Not—not abandoned as an infant—

“And change the fucking station!” Xue Yang adds. “If I have to hear that stupid fucking song one more time I will go fucking berserk —”

The man’s dead-eyed stare intensifies. “Sign here,” he says after a moment, pushing a slip of paper at Xue Yang.

“You want my love, you want my heart….And we will never, ever, ever be apart…”

“That wasn’t so bad, was it?” Xingchen asks as they step outside. The words sound hollow, and he wishes he had simply remained silent.

Xue Yang takes a deep breath. It’s almost cool out, a welcome change from the week’s heat. “Well, we escaped. Now we just have to get help for the others. Or do we abandon them to their fates? I vote we abandon them. You should have seen some of the looks I got. It’s like they never saw someone threaten a DMV employee before, something I’m willing to bet happens a dozen times an hour.”

Xingchen takes his arm as he begins to walk. It’s easier than using his stick in the crowded city. “Xue Yang…”

Xue Yang’s muscles tense beneath his arm. “What?”

“Nothing.” He bites his lip. He’ll have Xue Yang feeling better soon enough. “What street are we on? Turn in on 33rd.”

“What’s on 33rd?”

“Just let me know when we’re there. 33rd and 7th.”

“The train’s on 36th.”

“But the restaurant’s on 33rd.”

“The what?”

Xingchen wants to smile, but is afraid Xue Yang might take it the wrong way after what happened at the DMV. For someone who does his best to project an I-don’t-care attitude, Xue Yang is surprisingly sensitive.

“What’s today’s date?” He already knows the date, of course. It’s been on his mind for weeks now.

Xue Yang’s arm grows even stiffer. “Is this a ‘you-don’t-know-when-your-birthday-is-so-every-day-is-your-birthday’ thing? Because—”

“Not at all… Remember the day we met? You made fun of my shirt—”

Xue Yang frowns at this sudden change of subject, but goes along with it. Better than talking about that damn birth certificate. “It was white, and ruffled. You looked like an escapee from a high school production of Hamlet. What was I supposed to do?”

“You crashed a motorcycle not three feet from me. An unregistered motorcycle with stolen plates.”

"I bought you coffee to make up for it, didn’t I?”

“You had them put four sugars in my cappuccino. It was undrinkable.”

“One was a Splenda, and anyway I took you to dinner to make up for the coffee, didn’t I?”

“Pizza at one of those dollar-a-slice places you have to stand at a counter to eat. I paid for it.”

“And I paid for your kombucha, whatever the heck that is.”

“And I paid for the band-aids we had to go buy after you cut yourself after playing catch with your knife.”

“You were distracting me!”

“I was quietly eating my pizza.”

“The light reflecting off your shirt ruffles got in my eyes.”

“Four dollars for the band-aids. You insisted on Hello Kitty.”

“Spongebob was also on the table." He wrinkles his nose. "I've got about three-fifty in my pocket, if you want it. But what’s your point, exactly?'

Xingchen smiles. He enjoys winding up Xue Yang, and it’s by far the most effective way to distract him when he’s in a dark mood. “Just that you better not put extra sugar in the fondue.”

“The what?”

“A-Qing read me the dessert menu. Chocolate fondue with bananas, blueberries, pineapple, and cherries. Strawberries, too, I think, and marshmallows, maybe even non-charred brownies—”

Xue Yang stops walking. “Xingchen—”

Xingchen lets go of Xue Yang’s arm, takes his hand instead. Kisses him soundly, right there on Sixth Avenue.

“Forget your birthday," he says. "We have a new date to celebrate every year." He gives Xue Yang's hand a little squeeze and kisses him again. “Happy anniversary, Xue Yang.”

*

Liked it? AO3 👉👈

Ruffle shirt reference

Obviously, Xue Yang was simply distracted by how pretty Xingchen was.

[boldlyvoid]

Amoreena | chapter thirteen

Chapter Thirteen

main summary: Heaven is a real place and it's located exactly 14.6 miles away from the FBI, Quantico Headquarters. Off behind a small park, under a fantastical willow tree surrounded by wildflowers, in every colour young minds can imagine.

Don't forget, heaven also comes with angels.

Chapter Warnings: fluff like unbelievably fluffy!

word count: 6.1

here's the playlist for the fic, the last song in the playlist if looped will lead right into Amoreena at the beginning and it works pretty well timing-wise if you like to listen while you read !!

from the beginning <3

All their bags were packed by Friday morning, Y/N and Amoreena waking up extra early with excitement for the weekend ahead of them, and they didn’t even know what was going to happen yet.

Y/N made sure everything was packed and ready for a 3rd time on Saturday morning, right before they left on the trip; making sure they had sunscreen and aloe vera, all her medicine and ginger ale by the pack for her random bouts of morning sickness that lasted all, day, long... And their dresses and his suit hanging behind the driver's seat, beside Amoreena, they all piled into Y/N’s car and took off down the road on their adventure.

Amoreena was awake for the first half of the 9-hour trip, singing like crazy as they drove through Washington, Baltimore, Philadelphia and New York, it was so amazing she couldn’t stop cheering the whole time. It was more than she’s ever seen before, even though they lived so close to New York, she’s never been through it before.

Once they arrived in Rhode Island, Spencer pulled over at the closest gas station to make sure the girls were all prepared and ready for the big surprise he had for them. They filled the car, used the restroom and bought some lemonade before getting back into the car, he turned in the driver's seat to see Amoreena and Y/N better, looking at their wide eyes memorizing the calmness in their faces before he told them.

He didn’t want them to freak out too much, he was worried about Y/N’s blood pressure and how loud she might scream and any stress that a situation like this could put on her body. He’s seen how people react to Taylor Swift, he just didn’t know how they would.

“Now, I'm only telling you so you don't freak out," he repeated the same worry she had when she broke the news of the baby, "I didn’t have to rent a place on the water because my friend lives up here, so we’re going to stay in her guest house,” he explained it simply.

“Rossi's wife?” Y/N asked, confused about who it could be and if she knew this woman yet.

“No, actually I think you might know her, her name is Taylor?”

“No,” she shakes her head furiously, “no, nope, there's no way you did this, Spencer Walter Reid I am not kidding I’m going to pass away if I see her.” She's holding both her hands in fists as she tries to stay calm, closing her eyes quickly before letting out a deep sigh.

“Taylor who?” Amoreena yells, undoing her seatbelt and standing between their seats, she almost jumps into his lap as she leans over and grabs a fistful of his shirt, “Taylor WHO?”

“Go get in your seat and I’ll show you,” he teases, watching her follow orders and get back in the seat as quickly as possible, shouting at him to drive the second he hears the seatbelt click again.

Y/N is completely speechless for the next 20 minutes of the drive, eyes wide and a hand on her stomach as she stares out the front window. She’s like a statue, not able to hear anything Amoreena is saying but that doesn't stop her from going on and on with her stories.

“Mom!” She’s finally able to break her out of the haze, “pass me your phone!”

“Yeah,” she doesn’t even question it, handing her the phone back to the antsy 7-year-old so she could continue her internal panic.

They see her house on the hill as they approach, “holy shit,” Y/N whispers as Amoreena turns on the last great American dynasty, knowing exactly where they were going.

Taylor asked for his licence plate number and car model when they were emailing, letting her gate guy know to let Spencer right in so he could keep it a secret. But they knew the house, there was no point in not telling them. Y/N looked a little relieved that he gave her the time to freak out alone and not as soon as they crested the hill.

Her driveway felt never-ending as they got closer and closer, Amoreena was still in disbelief as she squealed in the back seat, hands flailing as she tried to calm the excitement inside her body with her favourite stim.

Then Taylor walked out into the front yard and Y/N was a mess. Crying as she waved her hand in front of her face, not wanting to be a mess in front of Taylor fucking Swift, “I told you nothing crazy! How did you do this?”

“Yes, but I said 'define crazy’ and you didn’t,” he reminds her with a cheeky smile.

She shoves him, “I didn’t think you could do this?!”

Once they’re parked the door automatically unlocked, and as much as spencer hated that non-safety feature, he's glad Amoreena can get out quickly before she's screaming bloody murder. Amoreena is out the door and in Taylor’s arms faster than they’ve ever seen her move, she should be a track star. It almost knocks Taylor to the ground as she takes her in, holding the sweet little girl against her chest with the biggest smile on her face. Amoreena snuggles right into her, with a hand on her cheek and her other arm wrapped behind her neck. She couldn't be any closer to her, it was like she was her favourite relative who she hasn't seen in a while.

Amoreena is talking her ear off already by the time Spencer’s helping Y/N out of the car and walking her to Taylor, she’s holding his hand like she’s going to pass out or something, “and this is my mom Y/N and my dad Spencer but somehow you know him already,” Amoreena introduces her.

“Hi, Y/N, it's a pleasure to meet you, Spencer's told me a lot about you.” Taylor’s sweet voice saying her name alone makes her stutter out a bunch of nonsense, not to mention the fact Spencer's been talking to Taylor fucking Swift about her.

Amoreena moves out of the way for Taylor to wrap her up in a hug, and Y/N cries harder than he’s ever seen on her shoulder, “thank you,” is all she can say, it’s frightening to Amoreena at first to see her mom cry like that but she knows her mom just loves Taylor like family.

What she doesn’t know is just how much Taylor saved her life. If she didn’t have someone to listen to, someone to take the pain and replace it with hope, she wouldn’t be here and by default neither would Amoreena. Spencer owed everything to Taylor swift at this point, she was a blessing in his life that he took for granted. Not realizing until that moment just how much she meant to him as well now.

“Sorry,” Y/N finally says as she pulls off her, “I’m pregnant, I can’t help it.”

Taylor’s hands fly right to her stomach, “holy crap, you never told me that she’s pregnant in your emails, oh my god!” She’s genuinely so happy for them, “how far along are you?”

“6 weeks on Sunday,” she smiles, feeling like herself again even though it’s incredibly strange to be telling Taylor before her parents even knew. “No one really knows, it’s all very new but when you know, you know… y’know?”

For a woman with an English language degree, she sure knew how to make a sentence, all of them laughing at the words she chose, but they understood.

“We should have used paper rings!” Amoreena yells, holding her hand over her eyes in disbelief as she shares her head with a sigh, she couldn’t believe she forgot that song existed.

It made Taylor laugh, scooping the little one up in her arms and starting the walk inside.

“Well come on in, I’ve got a big lunch spread ready for us and then we can go to the beach for the ceremony whenever you want this weekend, does that sound good?” Taylor is beyond excited to make new friends, much like Amoreena, they got along famously.

“Where are the cats? Do they live here or in LA or Nashville?” Amoreena changed the topic in the form of a yes and proving just how much she knew about Taylor.

“They’re here, Olivia and Benjamin will probably find us soon, Meredith isn’t very open to new friends now that she’s an old lady,” Taylor explained as she set Amoreena down in the entryway, bending down to be at her level and pointing off into the living room, “oh, see, there one is!”

Amoreena saw one of them laying on the floor under a sunny spot, running to it and petting it gently, “hi Benjamin, I loved you in the ME video,” she whispers as she pets him, making Taylor swoon.

“She’s amazing,” Taylor swooned, “I can’t wait to have one.”

“You should!” Y/N agreed, reaching to take Taylor's hand on impulse, and Taylor held it back with a smile, “oh that would be so wonderful, I can just imagine the beautiful stories you’ll create when you discover what it’s like to love someone how your mom loves you.”

Taylor’s smile was priceless, "that's the best way to think about it," she beamed at Y/N the way Spencer did, she had that effect on people. They followed her into the dining room, taking a seat near each other and digging into all the food Taylor made for them.

“Ah,” Amoreena said as she finally joined them, sitting on her knees on Taylors nice antique chairs. “Shark coochie,” she whispers the words to herself, not able to stop her mind from repeating it, but still not wanting Taylor to hear it in case it was inappropriate. She was incredibly well-mannered for someone who had a hard time reading social queues.

“It’s a hard word to say,” Taylor agreed, making her feel less awkward. Spencer may have told her about her autism in advance, wanting his little girl to be respected by everyone she met, for who she truly was, “my mom called it a coochie spread once, actually, she's going to be over tomorrow for father's day.”

"Yes! Oh, I love Andrea," Amoreena laughed at how cool this day was, smiling at Taylor the way she smiled at him that first morning at breakfast like she just found yet another person to love. “You’re so wonderful, Taylor.”

“Oh, thank you, you're pretty enchanting yourself,” she smiles, “I take it you’ve known about me for your whole life?”

“Yep,” she smiled, reaching for a chocolate-covered strawberry and taking a huge bite, covering her mouth before she continued, “I was born a month after Red came out, November thirteenth, it really is a lucky number now, mom says so at least.”

“It is!” Taylor agreed with a smile, “I have some markers, do you want to wear matching 13’s today?”

“Mom, can I colour on my hand?” She turns so fast Spencer thinks she’ll get whiplash.

“Yeah, go for it!” She agrees, spreading cream cheese on a croissant and layering tomatoes on top, definitely pregnant.

So Taylor gets a marker and both their left hands now have matching numbers. Amoreena asks to take a million photos, eventually just taking Y/N’s phone from her, permanently, to take photos of all her favourite things around the house.

She runs off with the cats at a certain point, giving Y/N a chance to thank Taylor without tiny ears listening in. “Can I get really emotional and tell you how much you mean to me or is that too weird for our first chat?”

“Not weird at all, knowing you’ve used my music to raise that beautiful child makes me love you just as much, I’d love to hear why you picked me, of all musicians, to show her how to love,” Taylor replies, as regal and kindly as humanly possible.

“My first fiancé, Stephen, he was actually like an angel and our first kiss was quite literally in the rain, but he passed away in 2010,” she explained it with a smile so Taylor knew it wasn’t a touchy subject anymore, “I bonded with Fearless in a way I can’t even describe to you, it’s my life, he was my superstar, and white horse, I mean come on, I can’t tell you how many times I cried to that after he died but it helped me not feel alone. I wouldn’t be who I am without Fearless, and then Speak Now was there for me when I needed a good cry, Last Kiss really broke me but it wasn’t until Lover came out that I realized I could find someone again, and it’s always just like you released things as I needed them like you were helping me through all the bad things,” she’s never even told Spencer all this, it was special to him that he got to give her this moment.

“When you re-released it with the vault songs, I met Spencer literally a month later. I cried my eyes out to you all over me, but That’s When makes me think of Spencer and now the whole album has a new memory in my heart that’s better. It's just like why you re-released it, to replace the bad things that happened that took all the happiness out of something you cared so much about." Y/N took a second to breathe, shaky as she got to the end of her rant that she seemed to have prepared in the 20 minutes before she had to talk to her.

"I love you, honestly. You’re my best friend and you didn’t even know me then, but you’ve held my hand through it all, so thank you,” she cried a little, holding her belly with one hand as she tried to hold the tears in.

Taylor was out of her chair and in Y/N’s arms within seconds, crying into her arms as she held her. She rubbed Y/N’s back as she cried too, “I’m so sorry that happened, but I’m glad I could be there.”

“Do you want to be this baby's godmother?” She asks on impulse without even asking Spencer if he’s okay with it, he was, it made him laugh.

“Eleonora Taylor Reid,” Spencer says from across the table, making them both turn to him with wide eyes.

“Yes,” Y/N agrees fast, “that's the name if it’s a girl, if it’s a boy he can be Taylor as well?”

“Holy shit,” Taylor smiled wide, “yes, I want to come to visit the farm and buy them baby gifts and throw you a baby shower! I inadvertently helped make them so it’s only fair.”

“Hopefully she gets your voice too, Y/N,” Spencer adds and Y/N shoots him a panicked glance, “it’s the Taylor legacy to be a good singer.”

“You can sing?” The question Y/N feared coming past Taylor's lovely vocal cords, almost on queue.

Y/N can't help but glare at spencer, he had too many tricks up his sleeve and she was at her limit.

“Yes,” Y/N finally answers, “I was going to go to theatre school, but I switched to become a Librarian, I’m not good with crowds or competition and that's basically what the industry depends on. I like the quiet, telling stories on paper is just as easy as singing it to a crowd.”

“That's fair,” Taylor agreed, “would you and Amoreena like to sing some song with me? I have my guitar or the piano? I’m not used to having new friends over without sharing at least 1 song with them. I’m sure you’ve seen my listening parties?” She was really trying to convince her to sing, Spencer knew why and what she had planned.

Amoreena came running in then, “I can play piano too, can we do the long live new year's day from the tour movie?” She rests her hands on Taylor's arm, looking up at her with the biggest puppy dog eyes.

“Of course, come on,” she says taking Amoreena’s hand and rushing into the piano room. “Here, we’ll record it too,” she offered, setting her phone up on the music stand to capture the moment forever.

They sat side by side on the bench, Amoreena showing her how she could play the opening perfectly and surprising Spencer. He knew they had a piano at home, he’s just never seen her play it before.

“She has perfect pitch,” Y/N bragged, “she can play a song after hearing it once.”

“Really?” Spencer had no idea, unbelievably proud of her as he listened to her play.

She’s quietly playing the intro to Long Live as Taylor watches, joining in with the harmony of New Year's Day, “this one reminds me of my mom and dad.”

“Does it?” Taylor coo’s, smiling at her softly as Y/N tries not to cry beside Spencer.

“They’re the knight and the princess of our kingdom,” she explained before the two of them started singing the words together, like they always have, only Taylor was beside her and not just on the TV.

“I said remember this moment, in the back of my mind, the time we stood with our shaking hands, the crowds in the stands went wild,” Amoreena’s tiny voice lead-in, fearlessly as she played away.

“We were the Kings and the Queens, and they read off our names, the night you danced like you knew our lives would never be the same... You held your head like a hero, on a history book page... It was the end of a decade, but the start of an age,” Spencer couldn’t help but cry as she sang with Taylor.

This was on the concert movie, he showed her after school, this song came on and she was silent, listening to the words as she stared at him and then back at the TV. Her mind was connecting little dots, making a story about her mom and dad being the king and the queen, it all made sense now.

“Long live the walls we crashed through, how the kingdom lights shined just for me and you, I was screaming long live, all the magic we made and bring on all the pretenders, I’m not afraid,

Long live all the mountains we moved, I had the time of my life, fighting dragons with you, I was screaming long live, that look on your face, and bring on all the pretenders, one day, we will be remembered,”

Their fingers moved in sync on the keys as they harmonized almost perfectly, she wasn’t kidding about Amoreena having perfect pitch. She knew all the words and sang them almost louder than Taylor.

“And hold on to spinning around, confetti, falls to the ground. May these memories break our fall…”

The piano changes, the cords softer as they move into a new song, smiling at her mom and dad like she knew something. She had no idea what happened the night of the fake wedding, just that they had a party without her.

“And hold on… To spinning around… Confetti… Falls to the ground…”

Spencer wraps his arms around Y/N then, resting his chin on her shoulder as they sway to the tune, she’s barely whispering the words beside him as she smiles as her baby.

“There's glitter on the floor after the party, girls carrying their shoes down in the lobby, candle wax and Polaroids on the hardwood floor, you and me from the night before, but… Don’t read the last page, but I stay when you're lost, and I'm scared and you're turning away. I want, your midnights, I'll be cleaning up bottles with you on New Year's Day,”

Y/N’s hands rest on top of Spencer’s, she squeezes them three times, right before the next lyric.

“You squeeze my hand three times in the back of the taxi, I can tell that it's gonna be a long road. I’ll be there if you're the toast of the town, babe, or if you strike out and you're crawling home,

Don't read the last page, but I stay, when it’s hard or it’s wrong or we’re making mistakes. I want, your midnights, but I'll be cleaning up bottles with you on New Year's Day,”

“Hold on, to the memories, they will hold on to you,” the two of them chanting along with Taylor in beautiful harmony, Spencer felt like he was in heaven among the angels, but for real this time. “And I will hold on to you…”

The piano is so soft, it’s just Amoreena’s fingers hitting them as Taylor goes silent, letting her take the lead with a soft smile, “Please don't ever become a stranger whose laugh, I, could recognize anywhere. Please don't ever become a stranger whose laugh, I, could recognize anywhere.”

They stop for just a moment for Amoreena to smile up at Taylor, just like the break in the concert, “I really do love you,” she reminds them all before playing again.

“We love you, too, sweet girl,” Taylor replies for them using the same nickname for her because it was the truth. She was the sweetest girl, that Amoreena.

“There's glitter on the floor after the party, girls carrying their shoes down in the lobby, candle wax and Polaroids on the hardwood floor. You and me forevermore, don't read the last page, but I stay when it’s hard or it’s wrong or we’re making mistakes and I want, your midnights, but I'll be cleaning up bottles with you on New Year's Day,”

“Hold on to the memories, they will hold on to you,” the girls all chant together, swaying back and forth to the rhythm before taking different parts in the song like they’ve planned it before.

“And Long live,” Taylor takes the one song, while Amoreena takes the other.

Please don't ever become a stranger…

The walls we crashed through..

Whose laugh I could recognize anywhere…

I had the time of my life

Please don't ever become a stranger…

With you…

Whose laugh I could recognize anywhere…"

Amoreena plays the rest, smiling wide at the best day of her life. Meaning every single word she’s saying. “And Long live, the walls we crashed through. I had the time of my life… With you…” Amoreena ends with a few extra notes, making Taylor smile as she held her in a side hug.

She turns back to the piano then, starting to play Amoreena by Elton John. “No way..” Y/N gasps, before getting ready to sing along with all the confidence in the world, alongside Taylor Swift of all people.

“It’s just that; Lately, I've been thinking, how much I miss my lady, Amoreena's in the hayfield, brightening the daybreak,” Taylor changes some of the words, much to Y/N surprise.

“Livin’ like a lusty flower, runnin’ through the grass for hours, rollin’ through the hay, oooh, like a puppy child! And when it rains, the rain falls down… washing out the cattle town… and she's far away somewhere… in her eiderdown… And she dreams of crystal streams, of days gone by when we would lean… Laughing, fit to burst, upon each other…”

Y/N turns to Spencer then, singing to him softly as she wraps her arms around him and sways her hips to the song, pressing against him like they were in the movie Dirty Dancing, something she’s always wanted to do, clearly, with the smile on her face as she sings.

“I can see you sittin’, eatin’, apples in the evenin’. Fruit juice, flowing slowly, slowly, slowly down the bronze of your body. Livin’, like a lusty flower, runnin’ through the grass for hours, rollin’ through the hay, oooh, like a puppy child.”

Amoreena’s voice was the loudest in the chorus, this was her song after all. She belted it out like it was made for her.

“And when it rains, the rain falls down! Washing out the cattle town! And she's far away somewhere… in her eiderdown! And she dreams of crystal streams, of days gone by! When we would lean, laughing, fit to burst upon each other…”

Spencer knew the words as well, who didn’t? It was Elton John's best song. He hugged Y/N, snuggling into the crook of her neck as they twirled in Taylor Swift's living room, swaying with her, forgetting they weren’t alone for a moment.

“Oh, if only I could nestle, in the cradle of your cabin. My arm's around your shoulder, oh… The window wide and open, while the swallow and the sycamore, whoa! Are playing in the valley. Oh, I miss you, Amoreena, like the king bee misses honey!”

“And when it rains, the rain falls down! Washing out the cattle town! and she's far away somewhere… in her eiderdown! And she dreams of crystal streams, of days gone by when we would lean! Laughing, fit to burst upon each other, oooh!”

Amoreena and Taylor playing the iconic piano solo together, Y/N can’t help but move in closer to watch over her little girls shoulders.

“Lately, I've been thinking… How much I miss my lady… Amoreena's in a cornfield, brightening the daybreak. Livin’, like a lusty flower! Runnin; through the grass for hours! Rollin’ through the hay, woah! Like a puppy, like a puppy, child…” Y/N’s voice loud enough to be on the recording Taylor was making as the song ended.

Taylor stopped it then, just as Y/N swore, “holy shit, that was the coolest thing that’s ever happened in my whole life.”

“Mom,” Amoreena looked at her like she broke the law or something, “you don’t swear in front of her…” she mumbled.

Taylor laughed, wrapping her up in another hug, “have you heard champagne problems? It’s okay for big kids to swear here,” she teased her.

They laughed like they were family like they’ve been there before and were always meant to return. Something just clicked with them, and without a doubt, they’d be returning. Taylor Swift of all people slipped right into their little life, filling the shoes of big sister, best friend and coolest aunt in the world all in one day.

It was the most perfect afternoon.

—

Just before the sunset, they all changed into their wedding attire. Meeting out on the beach for their small, extremely intimate wedding ceremony with miss Taylor Swift. Getting it out of the way so they could have the whole weekend for whatever Taylor had planned for them. She said she had a few surprises up her sleeve still.

They filled out all the paperwork required on Taylor's kitchen table beforehand, she had all the right documents from when she registered to ordain online. All they had to do was submit it at town hall and they’d be legally married.

But it didn’t matter to them, this was enough.

Taylor and Amoreena stood side by side at a homemade arch on the beachfront that Taylor owned, waiting patiently for Spencer and Y/N to walk down the fake aisle, hand in hand. They couldn’t stop smiling as they saw Amoreena at the end, a big smile on her face as she bounced with excitement.

They reached the end, turning to each other, Amoreena took Y/N’s bouquet, it was her duty as maid of honour and best man.

“Spencer and I have been emailing for 2 weeks about today, he’s been filling me in little by little about you both as he got to know you, I’ve really gotten to see his love for you in the form of letters,” Taylor described with a large smile on her face.

Y/N looks at him with an open mouth, shocked as she shakes her head in disbelief at him. “You’re kidding, is she who emailed you when we had lunch 2 weeks ago?”

Spencer nodded with another cheeky smile, “she emailed me as you told me not to plan anything too crazy.”

Y/N just laughed at the insanity, “sorry Taylor, please continue.”

“It’s okay,” she laughed along, “it’s actually kind of interesting how Amoreena picked long live and New Year’s Day to sing because from what I’ve learned about you both, the intermission poem from that tour really was written for you, somehow. Almost like by design or some violent, exquisite happenstance…”

Y/n’s eyed do that thing they always do when she’s remembering something she’s heard before, finding the exact filing cabinet in her mind and opening it. She finds the words.

“When she fell, she fell apart. Cracked her bones on the pavement she once decorated as a child with sidewalk chalk,” she starts the poem with a small nod, letting Taylor continue the monologue in the form of vows.

“When’s she crashed, her clothes disintegrated. And blew away with the winds that took all of her fair-weather friends, family and lovers. When she looked around her skin was spattered with ink. Forming the words of a thousand voices, echoes she heard even in her sleep: whatever you say, it is not right. Whatever you do, it is not enough. Your kindness is fake. Your pain is manipulative.”

Y/N hasn’t watched the concert recently, unlike Spencer. She didn’t realize how much it sounded like them. Spencer, however, spotted the coincidences the second he heard it that night with Amoreena. Telling Taylor, explaining in detail how Maeve and Stephen were their personal last kiss storylines, but they’ve found a lover in each other. Cheesy, but it was the best way he could describe it.

“When she lay there on the ground she dreamed of time machines and revenge. And a love that was really something. Not just the idea of something.”

She turned her attention to Spencer, replacing the pronouns to fit him for the next part, Y/N looked at him already knowing why, smiling as she made the connection in her mind.

“When he finally rose, he rose slowly. Avoiding old haunts and sidestepping shiny pennies. Wary of phone calls and promises, charmers, dandies and get-love-quick-schemes.

When he stood, he stood with a desolate knowingness, waded out into the dark wild oceans up to his neck. Bathed in his brokenness. Said a prayer of gratitude, for each chink in the armour he never knew he needed.

Standing broad-shouldered next to him, was a love that was really something. Not just the idea of something.

When they turned to go home, they heard echoes of new words: may your heart remain breakable but never by the same hand twice. And even louder: without your past, you could never have arrived so wondrously and brutally, by design or some violent, exquisite happenstance… here.”

“What she said,” Y/N says with a quick giggle, leaning in as she laughs, taking him down in a giggle fit with her.

Amoreena’s lightly tugging on Taylor’s dress then, “you have to say it, please you can’t not say it, I had this planned out before I even knew you’d beee here…” she whispers like Taylor has any clue what she’s talking about.

Y/N just starts to shake her head with a smile, “I think she means the speak now bridge,” she reminds her.

“Ahh,” she smiles, picking Amoreena up to be at eye level with them all, she sings. “I hear the preacher say speak now or forever hold, your, pee-E-eeace,” she sings it exactly like it is on the album, almost as if she’s been practicing to release it again…

“There’s the silence there’s my last chance, I stand up with shaking hands all eyes, on me,” Amoreena lightly signs right back. “Horrified looks from everyone in the room but I’m only looking at you!”

Spencer laughs then too, smiling at his little girl living out the fantasy of a lifetime, seeing her mom dressed like a princess and marrying the broken knight with rusty armour, while Taylor Swift of all people holds her. Nothing about the life they had together felt real, but he wouldn’t change it for the world.

“I think it’s only fair if I get a say in who marries my mom because I’ve known her the longest,” she adds, “and I’m not the kind of girl who should be rudely barging in on this white veil occasion, but you happen to be the best dad in the whole world, so I think it’s cool that you love my mom.”

Y/N lets out a choked sob, she clearly had no idea that Amoreena was planning to say all that, but of course, she was. She knew all about every single Disney princess wedding, every fairytale ending and happily ever after, Taylor has helped her learn about love and vows and true feelings that cannot be stopped.

She knew what to say and she meant every word.

Spencer reaches out to take Amoreena from Taylor, holding her in his arms instead as Y/N snuggled in close to them, both his girls in his arms.

“I think it’s only fair I give some vows to you as well, I’m committing my whole life to this family, you should know how much that means I love you, too, Amoreena.” She snuggles in closer to his neck as she holds him back, Y/N’s head resting on his other shoulder.

“Till the day I die, I am going to be here for you: with unconditional love, with the best stories and the best morning cuddles. I don’t care if you pull me out of bed at 5 in the morning to feed the goats, or the chickens or just because you think the sun looks pretty and want me to see it too. I love you Amoreena, you’ve completed my life."

"Do you remember that day you asked me to be your dad?” his voice is so soft as he bumps her cheek with his nose.

She wipes her tears as she pulls away from his shoulder, overly emotional at the events of the day and extremely tired from the excitement she let out earlier. She nods softly, “I meant it.”

“I know honey,” he can’t help but start to cry a little as well, dropping his manly facade and being real with her. She deserved to see exactly what she meant to him, “I watched you pouring glitter glue all over that table, making the biggest mess ever, but it made me think… I had a hole in my heart for so many years, there was a part of me missing for so, so, so long, and then I found a little Eden by beautiful little kingdom, and the fairest lady in all the land took me in, and she patched up my broken heart with glitter glue.”

Amoreena tried to smile the tears away, sniffling as she tried to nod, “that's how I felt when you told me I could pick you to be my dad.”

Y/N was a sobbing mess, having to crouch down to her knees as she let it all out, steadying herself by holding onto Spencer’s leg like a child would at that height, “is she okay?” Amoreena worried.

“Your mom loves us so much, and the baby does too, so it’s making her a bit more emotional than normal,” he explains, wishing he could scoop Y/N up and hold her as well.

She wipes the tears from her face as she calms herself down and stands back up with help from Taylor, “thank you,” she manages to whisper to her with a smile.

She’s also been crying, watching the most beautiful thing she’s ever seen. A family built on true love coming together, using her songs to form a bond that she’d never understand.

And she didn’t want to, some stories were best kept in families, to be sent down the line, generation after generation, to fall into the lap of someone like her one day and create a whole world with it.

“With the power vested in me, I now pronounce you husband, wife and daughter, the royal Reid family,” Taylor’s voice is soft as she plays along with Amoreena’s fantasy land, hushed to match the moment as Spencer leaned in to kiss Y/N.

Amoreena doesn’t cry out in disgust this time, instead, resting her head on her dad's shoulder as she watched them peck each other's lips gently. Watching a fairytale happy ending unfold in front of her very eyes, blessed to be the result of this happy union.

...

A/N: my anon is on now if anyone wants to come talk about the fic with me!! i love to share little hc's and things with you over here (also this was the original planned ending I wasn't going to continue past here but I'm probably going to write this for the next 10 years its too fun not to)

tag list: @shemarmooresfedora @spencers-dria @spookyspence @reidsfish @manuosorioh @mochionly @samuel-de-champagne-problems @jswessie187

[talesofphantombandits]

Zero to Six ~ The Death of Six - Edited version.

Greetings and salutations! So I know this isn’t what everyone wanted but people are still reading Zero to Six and I’m honestly so grateful that a year on, people are still loving this series.  But I never felt like I wrote it properly, the chapters where always too short and I felt like they were never detailed enough so I wanted to bring to you an edited version (that probably still won’t be perfect.) one that I’m more satisfied with.  I will be keeping the original version up just in case people prefer that one, maybe one day I’ll take it down? who knows but yeah so enjoy! <3 P.s I’ve missed you all so much and I’ve really missed this series. Hopefully sometime soon the Prequel will be out which I have started and named ‘Before there was Six, there was Zero.’

Characters: Four X Zero (OC) Summary: Zero was the first person to be ‘saved’ by One, she was his first honorary Ghost.  Her knowledge in tech meant she got the role of ‘Hacker’ she recruited new team members, looked for missions and locations and made sure every security measure was looked at. You know normal hacker spy stuff.  But her tough up bringing meant that if needs be she could fight, she was maybe even better than some people on the team knew. But due to One’s protectiveness over her she had to stay hidden, she was more of an actual ghost than the rest of the team was. This didn’t mean she couldn’t have her fun though, over the months of being with the full team she had formed quite a passionate love/ hate relationship with the handsome Four.  Who knows what sparks would fly if they were ever to meet.  Warnings: Slight swearing, some suggestive flirting in later chapters. 

Tagg list: (I know this is a edit of my original story but if anyone wants to be tagged let me know.) @raylan-c​

Zero to Six ~ Part 2. Edited Version.​ Masterlist.

“You’re stalling.” 

“I’m not stalling.” Zero could practically hear the smirk in Fours voice over the coms. “I’m simply just working myself up to it.” 

She laughed. “You always say that, and you’re always stalling.” She was playing on his last nerve, she knew it but this would be good for Four and entertainment for her. He always worked better when he was frustrated and no one stressed him out quite like Zero.

Four had been doing parkour for most of his life, or that’s what he told them. Yet he was still fearful every single time, still I guess that’s what made him great at it the fear of always falling gave him the adrenaline he needed to make the jumps. 

Another breathless laugh fluttered through Zeros left ear. “Don’t test me darling.” Now it was his turn to make Zero sweat, this always happened. Zero would insult and tease and Four would flirt right back, although most of the team were used to it by now they still broke them up from time to time. 

“Whatever monkey boy, just be ready for when Six gets his ass in gear!” She clicked her tongue. “I can hear you mocking me asshole, remember I hold the key here I can make your life a living hell with just one click of a button.” 

“You already make my life hell darling, But I live for it everyday.” 

“Swear to god Four, you’re a pain in my ass.” She mumbled as she typed away at the computer trying to figure out their next move so she could be ready with any instruction they needed. 

“I’m sure your ass is pretty fine, I can’t wait to see it someday.” She could practically feel the smirk.

“Yeah? And I can't wait to punch the smirk off that pretty face one day, only you could be in a life or death situation and be thinking about my virtual ass.”

“Wait, did you just admit to fancying me Zero? Guys she called me handsome, I think I’m getting somewhere.” 

“Go for Four!” Saved by the bell it seems, One’s voice rang through coms. Zero silently thanked god for she did fancy Four, who wouldn’t fancy that absolute Greek god of a man? With that honey voice and the moves he had! moves he could use on her, she shook her head hoping the images of him forming in her head would magically fall out of her brain never to return, but she wouldn’t be so lucky.

“Shut the hell up, stop thinking about ways to seduce Zero and get your ass down here we need you!” And just like that, it was go time. “NOW!”

Zero had been working with this team for a while now, but she was more on the surveillance side of the missions, which meant that she had never officially met the team face to face. The only person she had actually met was One, who had recruited her. He would visit from time to time, she liked to think they had a special bond. She was in fact the first person in need that One had found and ever since then he had become a sort of father figure to her. 

Two was next who was sort of cold at times, Zero put this down to her CIA training but she had never been anything but caring towards Zero. Then she found Three, a hitman who she was reluctant to look into at first but she knew now it was the best thing for her and the team. Despite his past he was one of the most sweet and caring men she’d ever met, and he never failed to make her smile on a bad day.  Ever since recruiting Four, she felt the atmosphere in the group shift slightly, there was nothing bad about him but they both couldn’t ignore the growing attraction between them, and this was just over cyber space.  She then found her best friend in Five, she was different from the rest. Not as violent and rash but still amazing at what she did and protecting herself and others, Zero knew if she ever needed someone the first person she’d go to was Five. 

Six was her latest recruit, one that she knew was extremely talented in not only driving but in all things mechanical too, they had chatting a few times about servers and bots and he’d promised her a round in their shared favourite video game once this mission was complete. 

She’d be lying to herself and everyone else if she said she didn’t want to meet them all in person, they were the closest thing she had, had to family. However she knew that if she was to meet them nothing could ever come of her and Four. One would definitely not allow it, and most likely lock her straight back up.

Still they were sort of this dysfunctional family, and she was definitely the odd one out. She couldn’t remember the last time she had, had a normal conversation with someone who wasn’t ‘dead’ the only time she was allowed to leave the flat was when One said it was moving day. He didn’t like her staying in one flat too long, she must have moved at least four times this year already. While she was alone in her flat eating ready meals they were all back at base eating together, she sometimes pretended she was there eating with them. Three telling her some stupid story that no one else is listening to because they have heard it at least a thousand times, but she would just be so happy to hear his beautiful accent in person that she would listen to anything he was telling her.  How she wished she could hug three in real life. The closest she had gotten to eating with them was over coms, sometimes they would leave the line open for debriefing but it still made her feel like an outcast. 

“I’m coming down!” Everything was going wrong, Six had gone the wrong way. Which Zero wasn’t surprised to see as everyone in the car was shouting at each other, she sat there in her gaming chair drinking Dr Pepper and enjoying her fried chicken meal while everyone was losing their minds in the field. Maybe getting to stay in the comfort of her flat wasn’t so bad after all? 

“Good boy.” She praised Four. “Finally putting those parkour skills to use, other than robbing some innocent person.” 

Even before he started to speak she could tell he’d started to run because his speech came out in huffs. “Shut up, at least I can do parkour which makes me cooler than a girl who sits at her computer all day.”

She had to laugh. “What are you? Five years old? Try again when you can think up better come backs, I can’t take you seriously right now.”  

Wherever One moved Zero was never too far away from where the team worked, the first time the rest of the team worked this out was when Zero first used the drone to help navigate them someplace safe. That was also the first time she finally got to see Four in action, the image of him running along the rooftops like a monkey in the jungle both amused her and impressed her. Hence the nickname she had given him. But there were also times when he would have close calls, where he had nearly fallen to his death that’s when the breath would get knocked out of her and she would only calm when she knew he was safe on the ground again. 

“Right over you guys.” He said in a strained voice while leaping onto another roof.  

“So guys, just look out for the flying monkey above you. That will be Four.” Most of the teasing with Four was just to pass the time while they were out in the field having fun and mainly it was just way too fun to hear him get so frustrated.  

“Zero, that’s not helping us.” One said in a sing-song voice. 

“Maybe it’s not helping you, but it is definitely helping me pass the time.” All she could hear was a disappointed grunt from One which just made her chuckle,it was also very fun to piss One off.

“Six! SIX! Wrong way god damn it!” 

She cringed at how loud Four had screamed down the coms. “Come back! I’ve got an idea.”

“Ladies and gentleman, for the first time in his life Four has an idea!” She said mindlessly typing away trying to find the best route for them to escape by.

“You know what Zero, when we finally meet I’m going to run that fine ass of yours into the ground.” He all but growled.

“You can try monkey boy, but you’ll have to catch me first.” She smirked to herself, she secretly hoped that, that was more of a promise than a mere threat. “Oh, challenge accepted sweetheart. I’d love to have a game of cat and mouse with you.” 

“You two do remember that we are on a mission right now, right?” Six moaned. “What with you two flirting, and these absolute idiots fighting beside me in the car. I’m finding it very hard to concentrate on driving!” With every word Six’s voice got more agitated and louder.

“We are not flirting!” Both Four and Zero exclaimed together. 

“Aww they even said it at the same time!” Zero just rolled her eyes at One’s teasing. “No one cares, now both of you shut up so we can all get out of here.” 

“That’s it Six, keep coming towards me!” The drone was filming just above the action, once she’d wiped her hands and they were free from the grease on her chicken. She finally realised what Four was about to do. 

Suddenly the car that was tailing Six was being impaled by five metal tubes. “God, okay I’m definitely done eating now. That was so gross.” 

Then the screaming started to fill the coms. “Guy’s, what the hell are you doing?” All Zero could make out was something about an eyeball. 

“This is so stressful! Can everyone stop arguing and speaking over each other?!” Zero was getting agitated now. 

“YOU THINK YOU’RE STRESSED?! I’M TRYING TO DRIVE WHILST ALSO TRYING NOT TO KILL ANYONE, DID I MENTION I ALSO HAVE AN EYEBALL ON MY LEG?!” Six all but screamed down the coms, loud enough that Zero had to remove her earpiece until she was sure he was done with his rant. 

“Six sweetie,” she said as calmly as she could, trying not to laugh. “Are you okay?” 

“DO I SOUND LIKE I’M OKAY ZERO?!” She knew he would say that, she finally let out the chuckle she was trying to hold as to not irritate him further.

“Sorry I was just asking. I swear I‘m not using your painful situation to make myself feel better.” She held her hands up in defence even though he couldn’t see her.

He just let out a huff. “I’m going to ignore you now Zero, you’re pissing me off more than these guys are.” 

After the commotion things went quiet for a while, there was now a helicopter tailing them so all effort and concentration went on losing it. While there was little chatter over the coms the main sound that dominated the air was the gunfire, Zero silently prayed to herself while she watched the drone that everyone would make it out of their first real mission alive. One finally found a route for them, conveniently inside of a building that would shelter them enough to lose the aerial surveillance they were under. 

“The drone will meet you on the other side, good luck and please try not to make too much of a mess in there Six. There are some priceless statues in there we would all like preserving.” Just as Zero finished her sentence she heard a loud crash.

“You were saying?” Six chuckled nervously. 

“You didn’t.” Zero stared shocked at her screen, mouth wide open. 

One was the one to respond to her though. “Unfortunately he did, don’t worry we’re all just as disappointed in him.” 

“Okay we finally lost the chopper, Zero do you have a visual?” One asked surprisingly calmly.

“You mean the bright green car, kind of hard to miss. Good choice Six you really blend in.” Zero laughed. “I see you, there are two black vans heading your way. Shake them off then head to the arranged rendezvous spot where Three will be waiting for you.” 

Six’s voice was strained when he spoke. “Listen, fast and convenient was what I was told to get. So that’s what I got.” 

Zero would have responded but she was more distracted by the sight of Four on a skateboard holding a launcher. He jumped off the board and leaped up onto the stone wall just as one of the black vans passed, he aimed and shot, never missing the mark. She was impressed for a moment but then saw the smug smile on his face, he looked directly into the drone and winked at Zero. She just scoffed, what an absolute show off.

“Seems like we have a superhero on our team.” Six laughed impressed. 

Zero scoffed again, but this time loud enough so everyone could hear it over the coms. “I wouldn’t exactly call him a superhero.” 

“Then what would you call me darling? A Greek god?” This is the thing about Four, he’d never met Zero in person but he knew exactly how to push her buttons. She’d be lying if she said she didn’t enjoy the banter from time to time. 

“Hurm more like a vein asshole that thinks far too highly of himself.” She snapped back.

But he just laughed, the complete opposite of what she was expecting. “I mean everyone else loves me, might as well love myself too.” She rolled her eyes, She really couldn’t blame him though he was a very handsome man but no way in hell was she ever going to tell him that. “One day you’ll fall for the charm that everyone else falls for. I know you’re already obsessed with me.” 

“In your dreams Four.” 

“It already happens in my dreams, every night darling. I’d be happy to elaborate later on in a private chat.” Zero audibly gagged. 

“Guy’s can we please cut out the flirting until after the mission? We’re nearly there and I don’t think any of us want to hear whatever this is.” One sounded tired and Zero just laughed at how much their fighting annoyed the other members. 

“Yes boss!” She added in a salute even though One couldn’t see her, he could feel she was mocking him. 

Just then the drone cut out. “Shit! Someone shot down the drone. You’re on your own from here guys.” 

There was a commotion through the coms, one that didn’t sound at all good. Car tyres screeched, bullets rain down on the metal of the car Zero held her breath as she waited for anything. Even just a breath so she knew at least someone was still alive, her heart stopped when the line had been silent for too long she had to know what happened. 

“Guys, come on talk to me. What’s going on? Why are you all being so silent? What happened?” There was another breath of silence and her mind went straight to Four, she shook her head. No! She wasn’t going to let herself think about that, she scolded herself for getting too attached to the little shit.  

The was a crackle over the line, Five cleared her throat. “Six is dead, we’re in the van, the space is clear.”  

Zero sucked in a breath, she felt like her lungs were burning. “What?” 

“Zero listen to me, you need to turn off coms now.” One must have turned from the group, he was using his quiet, serious voice. “I’ll handle this okay, I’ll check back in with you later.” 

Just like that he was gone, she clicked the switch to turn off almost absentmindedly. She sat back in her chair, only snapping back to reality when she felt something wet fall on her hand. She softly touched her face to find her cheeks were wet, when had she started to cry? Six wasn’t someone she knew in person, he had been the last member of the team but still a very important piece of their puzzle. She thought about the game he had promised to play with her after the mission, this would never come to pass now. Now he was really dead, and it was all her fault.

For the first time Zero started to think about the whole team and if One’s master plan of being ghosts to take down the world’s evil was such a good idea after all, why had it taken a real death in the team for her to even think about this. What if it had been Four, she didn’t think she could live with herself if anything ever happened to Four, maybe it was a good thing they had never met. Seeing him in person, hearing his deep honey voice, feeling his warmth would definitely make her fall deeper then she already was. He was just a voice over the coms but behind that was a real person, one that probably wouldn’t even share the same feelings towards her. So she thought ‘Yes, It’s a good thing I’m behind this computer screen and not with them in person.’ She had to try to distance herself from now on.  

 ......

Just wanted to say one last Thank You! for the continued support for this story <3 

[thoughts-on-bangtan]

This is gonna sound dumb. I'm a JKer, but Vmin is making my head spin. Do you think it's possible both JK and Tae are in love with JM? Tokyo video, hints of living together, the way JK looks at JM like he's his world. The way Tae looks at JM like he's his world. The songs Tae wrote. SN confirmed what I already suspected. It's about JM. The tension JK & Tae had and JM being the one to lie to JK/set up them talking seems sus. Its making me wonder if JM is in the middle. Vmin's wrecking my ship LOL

One thing I want to get out of the way right away is this—this is the last time we’ll answer a question that concerns another ship. Our blog is supposed to be about vmin, namjin and BTS as group, and while we are all for everyone shipping whatever they like, I’d prefer to not talk about other ships on our blog. Not because we don’t like them, we don’t, but because the only ship we see as having true potential to be real is vmin, and perhaps namjin, and that’s it. Therefore, there isn’t really a point for us to talk about other ships in a romantic sense at all. If someone would like for me to talk about JinKook, for example, I’d gladly do it (I adore their bond and dynamic) so long as it isn’t meant as the romantic ship but the friendship between those two.

The only reason I’m replying to this, and a second mildly “similar” ask, is because it, in a way, plays into what I recently said about JK here. That’s it. So, now that that’s out of the way, the actual reply:

Let’s put it like this—it doesn’t sound dumb, necessarily, and the fact that as someone who ships a different pair you can still acknowledge that perhaps another might be true, that shows that you see things much more realistically than some others do. But, at the same time, I can’t agree with your statement, not because I don’t like your ship (quite honestly your ship has never even for a second made me go “huh?”) but because it would create an awful situation within the maknaes and I don’t think there’s any kind of hint for that. At least not in a romantic sense.

A while ago Admin 2 wrote a reply in which they argued that JK might simply be a vmin ally, as in that he helps them shield their private life and relationship from prying eyes because he loves his hyungs and all three of them know that the two main maknae ships are powerful “tools”. Here, again, it’s important to differentiate between ships and the real-life bonds between the members.

More below the cut because, as always, this got very long:

Do I think JK is in love with Jimin, or has been at any point in time, romantically? No.

From all the arguments you’ve mentioned, the one that stuck out to me the most was “he looks at JM like he’s his world”, which might simply be a shipper bias. We all have that. But I especially think it happens a lot with JK. While I’ll admit he does look at Jimin with deep admiration, it’s also true that he does the exact same thing with Namjoon and Seokjin, as examples. It’s very hard to properly read someone’s eyes and body language in general and do so without a bias (especially a confirmation bias). I actually wrote a post on that a while ago.

And yes, I would make the exact same argument for vmin (and namjin) as well. While yes, there are instances where we see what some have lovingly dubbed ‘Taehyungie’s Jimin smile’ or ‘Jimin’s TaeTae smile’, I don’t take any of those as “proof” or arguments for why I think vmin might be real. We have a plethora of other far stronger and more convincing arguments, so using different looks and expressions in one or the other members eyes, to me, is a bit pointless. Just look at the way Namjoon sometimes stands off to the side and looks at all the members with this deep love and pride. Does that mean he’s in love with all of them? No, of course not. Or the way Tae might look at Hobi or Yoongi. Does that mean he’s in love with them as well? No.

(The pictures of JK looking at Tae and Jimin in the blue suit, as far as I’m aware, were at the same award show. The last picture of JK on the right is him looking lovingly at ARMY, does that mean he’s in love with all of us as well? No.)

Unfortunately a loving expression doesn’t come with a precise label of “this is a loving gaze for a person I admire deeply” and “this is a loving gaze for a person I’m in love with”, so while we can identify their expressions as something related to “love”, everything else is us projecting and speculating. At the end of the day all the members deeply love and admire each other and have moments where they look at each other like they’ve hung the stars in the sky.

So, while these moments and pictures of JK looking “lovingly” at Jimin or Tae, or Tae looking “lovingly” at Jimin, or Jimin looking “lovingly” at JK or Tae, are very cute and lovely, they don’t really represent any kind of evidence for the presence of romantic feelings, even more so when those pictures are taken when another member sings or is saying something.

Placing Jimin as “the one in the middle” would cause drama that I quite honestly think has never been an issue within BTS in such a manner. One thing that I think all members value insanely, because otherwise the group would’ve long stopped working and fallen apart (and not just come close to it for different, unrelated reasons), is communication. Yes, it’s something they had to learn over time and haven’t always been great at, but with something as big as this, they would have to do it, especially if two members would’ve realized they’re in love with the same member. To me, and I don’t want this to sound mean or like I’m belittling your feelings/thoughts, this simply sounds like something straight out of a YA novel or teen drama on TV, or one of those manipulative, agenda driven videos on YouTube.

“The tension JK & Tae had and JM being the one to lie to JK/set up them talking seems sus. Its making me wonder if JM is in the middle.” This I think is a bit of a misinterpretation on your part, which I totally get, there were a million ways in which people interpreted this moment and perhaps I shouldn’t position myself as ultimate unbiased judge, but, well, you asked for my opinion so…The way I see it is that, if we believe Tae’s and JK’s words like we should, then it makes sense that JK might’ve been a bit apprehensive about the conversation with Tae, which would’ve called for the ‘need’ to involve Jimin (after all we know that Tae asked Jimin to help him) and have him “trick” JK. But, what I think is much more likely, is that it was simply staged in such a manner for entertainment purposes. I highly doubt Tae and JK didn’t discuss wanting to have this conversation for the cameras sometime beforehand but maybe they simply hadn’t decided on when to do it, so Tae used the chance on that evening to do it. But honestly that’s basically speculations on my part, and everyone else’s.

I don’t believe for a second that the conversation in ITS was the real, proper one JK and Tae had about this topic, because that would simply be way too personal and a breech their own privacy. Much more I think it was simply a conversation set up in order to communicate the situation between JK and Tae to us, show that while they had these awkward parts between them they still want to make an effort to “fix” things, and that they are still getting along no problem. Which they obviously do. That is the most important part for me in all of it, the fact that they felt comfortable enough to share this with us, to face the uproar I’m sure they were aware it would cause within certain parts of the fandom, and yet…they still did it.

The whole scene of involving Jimin might’ve simply been for theatrics and to make it more interesting to watch (and offer for a great episode cliffhanger) and also to loosen up the atmosphere a little.

One thing though I’ve found very curious since the time when the episode aired was the question of why Jimin and Seokjin remained close by and played with a ball in the dark, of all things. But I’ll never know the answer beyond theories and that’s fine. The bottom line is that Jimin didn’t act as “the one in the middle of a love triangle” but more as a third party who has a strong friendship with JK (thus it was clear that JK would listen and follow him outside) and who’s soulmates with Tae (thus it makes sense that he would help him arrange that conversation and help him get rid of his nervousness). Admin 2’s theory is that Jimin was nearby as support for Tae and Seokjin as support for JK, since we know they share a close and deep bond as well.

As for the “living together hints”, which rely mostly (if not entirely) on the car sharing argument, I spoke about it here and here, and GCF Tokyo. Well. I know that one is used as crown argument but if we apply the same logic, I’ve seen applied to it, then we could also say that GCF Osaka was JK’s “couple vlog” for vmin, since they were the main focus in that video. We could say that GCF Helsinki was him hinting at the band falling apart/breaking up since the song was a sad one seemingly talking about a relationship coming to an end and each party going a different way, one taking the ocean and one the desert. Others claim that GCF are J*k*ok specific because Jimin is the main model, but that’s something JK himself has negated at least twice to my knowledge.

Personally, GCF Tokyo has been in late 2017 while we have 2021 now. It was a moment in time where, according to some, vmin were “d*ad” and J*k*ok on the rise, but we know the former isn’t true. It was a hard time for everyone, a challenging one, and curiously enough, a few months after the Tokyo trip, Tae began working on Happy Christmas, a duet for himself and Jimin that’s very much romantic sounding and was likely meant as gift for Jimin. If he knew JK was into Jimin romantically, that his feelings might be reciprocated, that Tokyo was a romantic trip, I think there is absolutely no way he (Tae) would’ve done that.

So, all in all, while you, anon, can think whatever you like and what you think is likely, this is my opinion which can be summed up easily as: vmin are vmin and JK is their close friend, but there have never been romantic feelings from JK toward Jimin, while it seems that there are a lot of (requited) romantic feelings from Tae toward Jimin.

Admin 2 has a theory, and perhaps it’s delulu and unsubstantiated, but they want to share it anyway: We know that when Tae started filming Hwarang and the Wooga squad was formed, Tae spent quite a bit of time with them. Perhaps that has a kind of loose correlation with the timing of the Dumpling Incident and their 4am meeting at the park and all the implications of what meaning it truly might’ve had for Tae and Jimin, that he saw spending time with his Wooga squad as a form of “”escape””. The Tokyo trip was simply a gift from JK to Jimin that was meant as a kind of cheer up gesture for Jimin. I don’t think it was their romantic/intimate trip, as so many try to show it as such, because if it were so, we wouldn’t have heard so much about it because we know Jimin is a very private person. Also, if it were such an intimate thing, why would they have created so much around it in form of videos and even interviews, a whole PR thing? Shippers, of course, created this entire mythos out of their trip, a whole fantasy.

Let’s be real, some of the stories and theories being shared by some about the trip are not only impossibly unrealistic but also insane and stupid at times, since they contain twisted “facts”, agenda-based interpretations and things that are simply impossible, like them supposedly having gotten married during that trip. In a country that doesn’t have same sex marriage. Just to return to a country that, also, does not have same sex marriage. As idols.

If Jimin and JK would’ve wanted to go on a romantic, intimate couples’ trip together, I’m 100% sure we would’ve never found out about it. Easy as that.

Lastly, the way these questions are set up and thought out, this whole thing about drama and jealousy and love triangles, they sound like stereotypical “teenage girl” thinking, classic by the book like YA books and teen movies marketed toward girls. Which isn’t meant as shade against you or teenage girls, but there’s a difference between how boys act and how girls do, how of course boys and men also cause drama but it’s a different kind of drama, while this whole jealousy thing is more of a girl thing. It’s part of nearly every plot written by and for girls. And if you notice, most of those YT videos are built upon this scheme, and why is that? Because mostly girls watch it and they’re made by girls/women.

I, just like Admin 1, think that if Tae realized that there’s something romantic between JK and Jimin, Tae would’ve immediately stopped with all the romantic songs, the picture, and everything else. But instead vmin progressed the way they did, and we are where we are today.

The second ask we got is this one and it might be the first time Admin 1 truly got angry and went on a rant:

From anon: Its kinda obvious Vmin use JK to get to each other. No doubt they all have a special bond, but I noticed in one vid, JM slaps JK's ass, but turns and smiles smugly at V and V smiles, but when JM walks off, the smile fades and V tilts his head and gives JM a go to hell look. lol. V grabs JK to sing to him, but V's not looking at JK, his eyes are glued to JM. When JM walks off, V just leaves JK standing there. Jikooks cooking live V calls. JM knows V's watching and nuzzles JK's neck. Kinda obvious

Let me be frank for a moment—this is completely bizarre to me, nasty and stupid. I’m sorry. I know it makes for fantastic drama, it fuels analysis videos (which brings in clicks and thus more revenue), but IF this were at any point in time real, do you really think BTS would still be BTS today? Do you really think the members would be as close as they are today? Do you really believe something as ridiculous as this happening in real life would fly? That Namjoon, as leader, as well as their managers and team, would allow for something like this to happen? And perhaps that last question might sound weird to you, but it’s true.

Also “I noticed in one vid” this fascinates me, and also confirms everything I need to know about this ask—I know where theories like this come from and I think I’ve made my stance on it clear in a previous reply, but I’ll repeat it one more time: analysis, theory and compilation videos are manipulative, inherently biased and agenda pushing and, in most cases, have zero connection to real life. They create bizarre scenarios and theories that push ideas of jealousy, betrayal, and powerplay because that’s what brings in the clicks, because people love drama, because that means things are happening and that’s exciting. But, with a band as big, kind, humble, and beautiful as BTS? That’s rude, disgusting, and presents the members as the exact opposite of who they are as people.

Things that happen on stage are, in many cases, preplanned “fan service” meant to entertain the audience. A split-second facial expression or supposed “mean eyes” between members are usually a bias reading or might simply have a completely unrelated cause, depend on the angle you watch the moment from, and a billion other factors that have nothing to do with drama, jealousy or any such nonsense.

Presenting the maknaes, and especially Tae and Jimin, the way you do, do you know what that would make them? Abusers. It would mean they abuse their position of seniority over JK and use him for sick games, knowing that age hierarchy wise he wouldn’t be able to “defend” himself quite the way same age friends would between each other, or an older member. It presents Tae and Jimin as evil, nearly vile, and toxic, like they see JK only as a toy to be used for some kind of game between each other, and that is truly disgusting and uncalled for.

Also, all of this erases JKs autonomy and place in the band, as artist and human, and presents him as just a toy to be used and played with, which again is the same thing shippers also do with him. I have a whole post about it. Read it and maybe think about everything you just said again and why you did so.

I don’t know what the point of this ask was, but for future reference—we will never answer such an ask again and I will not allow such ideas any kind of space on this blog.

That’s all.

Admin 2: Everything that happens on stage during concerts is more or less preplanned by the members. We know that vmin love roleplaying. I’ve noticed that in their interactions on stage they occasionally also use some elements of their roleplays. I wouldn’t be surprised (I think I know which video you are talking about, I’ve seen it) that what’s shown in that video is one of those typical vmin moments/behaviors. Especially if the video you mean is the one I’m thinking about is the same video that ends with JK standing between Jimin and Tae and while they bow, he brings Tae’s and Jimin’s hands together, which would mean there are no hard feelings at all and that JK is consciously involved in it all.

We should also remember that Tae interacts and does fanservice with him, so why do people not suspect that Tae also uses Jin for his “games” with Jimin? Or when Jimin does something with Namjoon, that he does that in order to make Tae jealous? Because we know it’s all planned and done on purpose for fans and there is no space or reason for anyone to do jealous or “use” another member for anything like what you suggested.

If there really were a reason for Jimin and Tae to want to make each other jealous or anything else, it wouldn’t happen in places where we see it, wouldn’t be happening on stage during a BTS concert since it would threaten their image. What happens on stage has no correlation with their private life, as in, that you don’t take your issues on stage.

Think about Burn The Stage and the conflict between Tae and Jin. Namjoon at the time wasn’t mad at Tae for bringing up the issue, he was merely mad because he’d done so just before going on stage, meaning that hurt feelings would go on stage with them and it could interfere with their performance and interactions. Knowing that, would Jimin and Tae do what you claim they did? No. If they interact and do things with JK on stage, none of it is meant as a way to “get at” another member or to create jealousy, it’s simply entertainment, fanservice, things meant to get a reaction out of the crowd. They are professionals. And such behavior has no space on a stage during a professional concert carried out by artists who are professions.

[et-lesailes]

missing linc // chapter ten

series masterlist

pairing: ceo!dad!steve x reader

word count: 2132

chapter summary: stella and peter come to steve’s place. steve and tiana get into yet another fight.

taglist: @patzammit​​, @lille-kattunge​​,  @rohaintahquil​​, @deidrashouseofpain​​, @peach-acid​​, @allsortsofinterests​​, @mcueveryday​​,  @cptn-sgrogers​​, @heyiamthatbitch​​, @sadella-adams​​,  @aletteredaffair​​​,  @isawritesstories​​, @knuffeltuff​​,  @societalfailure​​​, @brastrangled​​​, @anxiousstark​​​, @captainsbxbygirl​​​, @whimsicalatbest​​​,  @kind-sober-fullydressed​​​, @dreamlesswonder86​, @xoxabs88xox​, @evanstush​, @kelbabyblue​, @bucky-rrogers​

notes: SORRY THIS TOOK SO LONG I AM THE WORST I HOPE U ALL LIKE THIS CHAPTER

“Alright, Y/N said we could go over to the place she’s babysitting at for the weekend! You cool with that?”

Stella looked up from her phone, smiling at Peter innocently. “Of course. I can’t wait to meet the love of your life,” she teased, standing up and getting her bag. “You driving, or am I?” Peter immediately turned red, scoffing. “I’ll drive. But hey, now, you better not be like this tonight-- there’s nothing going on between Y/N and I, we’re just friends. Don’t make her feel weird or anything, alright?”

Trust me, Peter, if she knew the whole truth, this would barely make her feel anything.

“Yeah, yeah, I won’t.” The blonde laughed instead, picking up Peter’s keys and tossing them at him. “C’mon, lover boy, let’s go.”

She was not proud of how she had come to learn of you. 

There was a reason she had come here, and of course, the second she had arrived, she had decided to pay a visit to her dear sister’s home. Well, not inside, anyways. She couldn’t help but be nosy, and she justified it by telling herself she had every right to know where her son was staying. It was easy to get the address from her parents; she had simply told them that she wanted to make amends with Tiana and surprise her with a visit-- this ensured they wouldn’t tell her. 

When she was casually driving by the home, she had seen your car. She parked on the other side of the street, keeping an eye on the house. It hadn’t been long before you came outside holding Linc in one arm with a bottle of bubbles in the other hand, the boy laughing and clapping excitedly for you to blow them. Her heart was racing as she stared at her baby. She had seen photos of him on Tiana’s Facebook, she had forced herself to become desensitized to the fact that he was hers and belonged to someone else-- or so she thought. As she gazed at him in real life and could see his happy demeanor and shining personality, she almost wanted to cry.

She stayed low as she watched you play with him. It was obvious to see how much he loved you. He was laughing the entire time, running around you in circles on his little toddler legs, hugging your own leg every ten seconds in bursts of affection. 

The more she watched you play and the more she looked at the large estate, she felt herself getting more and more curious. What was Linc like? Did he take after her at all? Or was he more like his father? He seemed bright and happy, but now that she was here, she wanted to know more. She just wanted one chance to see him in person… that would be enough, right?

She knew Tiana would be wary. Perhaps not even let her see him at all. And so she needed another way in. Just to quench her curiosity, that was all. She hadn’t been able to come up with this other way, however, until she had seen you come to the bar with Peter. When she noticed you leave after seeing Tiana, she knew something was going on. What that was, she did not know, and although she had her suspicions, she didn’t care. 

She only cared about her son. 

They arrived at the doorstep about fifteen minutes later, her light brown eyes studying the huge house. Did Tiana like living here? Were she and Steve truly happy in this house? Peter clucked his tongue beside her, his eyes wide with amazement. “Damn. Y/N must be getting paid a shit ton, these people seem loaded.” Stella forced a laugh, nodding her head. “Yeah, seems like a pretty good set up.” She sounded normal, but her heart was pounding. Would you answer the door with Linc in your arms? 

She couldn’t help but feel disappointed when you came empty handed. 

“Hey guys!” you greeted with a smile. “You must be Stella. It’s nice to meet you, I’m Y/N.”

She smiled nonetheless, waving cutely as she stepped inside. “So good to finally meet you, girl! Peter talks about you a lot.” Peter blinked and shot her a look, laughing somewhat nervously. “I, ah, would say I talk about you a normal amount. Nothing weird.” You raised a brow but laughed, nudging him lightly. “Uhhuh. Okay, c’mon, you guys gotta see this home theater. It’s sick.”

Stella couldn’t help but look around as you led them down the hallway, barely nibbling on her lip. Where was her son? Was he asleep? You and Peter were lightly conversing and so she cleared her throat when there was a pause, trying to sound like she was casually speaking. “So, Peter told me you were babysitting? Where is the baby?” She smiled, adding, “I absolutely love kids.” 

“Oh, he fell asleep- but here, I’ll show you some pictures!” She saw the bright smile on your face at the mere mention of him. She simultaneously felt touched and threatened. You took out your phone and went to your photos, swiping through a few images- some just of Linc laughing and smiling, some selfies of the two of you with cute Snapchat filters, even a video of Linc “singing” Twinkle Twinkle Little Star. “Wow.” She breathed out, unable to take her eyes off of him. “He’s perfect.”

“I know right?” you replied obliviously, smile still wide as you sighed. “He’s the cutest thing. I swear, I love him like my own son.” You laughed playfully, and Stella felt a pang in her heart. “So what movie do you guys want to watch?” you asked once you entered the room, and Stella watched as you and Peter perused the collection. 

“Can I use the bathroom real quick?” she suddenly asked, and you looked over and nodded with a smile. “Yeah, it’s right down the hall going back towards the front door,  first door on the left.” She nodded, slipping out of the room and looking back towards you and Peter before quietly making her way to the staircase instead. 

Steve sighed as he leaned back in the plush bed, eyes drifting towards his phone on the nightstand. All he wanted to do was FaceTime you, call you, even text you. He felt like a damn high schooler with a crush all over again. Ever since he and Tiana had arrived at the cabin that day, all he could think about was the kiss the two of you shared. 

At the same time, he was trying to make good on his promise. Just one last weekend with Tiana. A chance to finally get some closure and move on. Surprisingly, the day had been pretty decent. No fighting, no screaming, no tears, no anger- things actually felt… normal. She actually opened up to him over a few glasses of wine, even apologizing for her behavior and explaining where her frustration had come from. She acknowledged that everything had been her fault. That she should have learned how to be transparent sooner. And he appreciated it. He forgave her, and they were able to talk and laugh about the things they used to. 

Still, he couldn’t feel the same way he used to about her. While he was glad he and Tiana had made amends, it all felt incredibly platonic to him. He couldn’t help but wish you were there with him, curled up under his arm in this large bed, making out like a couple of teenagers…

“Hey Steve.” He looked up, blue eyes immediately widening. There stood Tiana wearing nothing but a lacy black slip, biting on her lip as she stood in the doorway of the bathroom after her shower. “Uh… hey.” He greeted, rubbing the back of his neck. “You look great, but what’s that all for?” She looked at him hopefully, coming back towards the bed and slowly crawling onto it. “Do you not like it…? We had such a good day today, and I just wanted to end it with something even more amazing…”

Steve blinked as she placed a hand on his bare chest, leaning down to kiss him. He froze. It took him a few moments, but he finally snapped out of it, gently placing his hands on her shoulders to stop her. “Tiana,” he mumbled softly, and she blinked as she pulled back, looking down at him- she was clearly hurt. “What, Steve? I thought things were going well… you… you really don’t want this?” He sighed, sitting up and running his fingers through his blond hair. “Tiana, you know that’s not why we came here. I told you that I wanted a divorce after this, but I also don’t want us to hate each other-- I thought we came here to just, you know… neatly wrap things up. Get closure. Peace.” Tiana looked at him incredulously, scoffing as she moved back to sit on her knees. “You really… you really don’t want to even try? Am I that horrible of a person?” Steve blinked, frowning as he shook his head. “No, Tiana, that’s not what I’m trying to say, I just don’t think we’re-”

“This is all because of Y/N, isn’t it? What, are you already sleeping with her? Are you seeing each other behind my back?” Tiana demanded, suddenly standing up and going over to her purse. Steve widened his eyes. “No, God, no, Ti- what the hell are you doing? Don’t fucking call her right now, don’t do this when she’s literally taking care of Linc for us!” He watched as his wife pulled her phone out, but she didn’t appear to be calling anyone. He watched curiously as she tapped on her touch screen a few times, seeing her suddenly look intense and focused. “What are you looking at?”

“O-oh, oh my god,” the woman muttered; Steve could practically see her turn pale. He immediately sat up. “What? What is it, is something wrong with Linc?” He immediately got out of bed, going to her side. His eyes rounded at the sight upon the phone screen. She was watching a live feed of Linc’s room, and there appeared to be a blonde girl peeking over his crib. “That’s Stella, Steve! That’s-- how-- how the fuck did she get into our son’s bedroom?!” Steve stared in shock before quickly shaking his head, grabbing Tiana’s phone from her hand. “When… when the fuck did you put a camera in there? Did you tell Y/N there would be a camera?”

“Is that seriously what you’re worried about right now, you fucking asshole?!” Tiana practically screamed, lunging for the phone. “How can you be more concerned about Y/N when this is happening right now? What if our son is in danger?! H-how did she even get inside?!”

“Tiana!” Steve grabbed her shoulders, staring down at her with heavy breaths. “Tiana, listen to me. I need you to calm down. Stella is a twenty-three year old girl. She’s not going to hurt Linc, okay? I… I told Y/N she could have friends over. Maybe Stella happens to be one of them. You need to take a breath, nothing is going to-”

“How do you know, Steve?! What if she’s back here to take him away from us? I- I can’t-- I can’t lose… you and…”

She trailed off into tears, and Steve finally understood. She was terrified. She was scared of losing the people closest to her. Her husband and her son, both at the same time. He sighed deeply, suddenly wrapping his arms around her and hugging her. “We won’t let that happen, Ti. We’ll talk to Stella. We’ll figure this out. But she will not take Linc from us, alright?” He pulled back and looked down at her somewhat sternly. “But putting a camera in the room without at least telling Y/N was wrong. Have you… have you been spying on her? Ever since we got here?”

“Oh, please, Steve, I’m just making sure our baby’s alright, okay? I-it has nothing to do with her!”

He sighed, rubbing his temples. 

“I’m going to sleep in the other bedroom, Tiana. You should get some sleep too. We’re going to go back tomorrow morning and find out what the hell is happening. But for now, I don’t want you contacting Y/N, do you understand? Whatever Stella’s up to, I know she isn’t going to do anything to Linc-- especially not with Y/N in the house watching him.” 

Tiana frowned deeply but slowly sat on the bed, looking away.

“Goodnight, Steve.” Her voice was ice cold, and the CEO couldn’t help but let out another soft sigh.

“Goodnight, Tiana.”

[steppedoffaflight]

Summer’s a Knife - Chapter 5

Catch up on Chapter 4 here

“No, nothing’s wrong,” You hear him exhale smoke, his breath making noise in the microphone. “We got booked to do a show for one of the big rock stations in L.A..”

You realize now he’s looking for someone to share in his good news. “That’s amazing!”

“Right, it’s awesome. But here’s the thing: they’re not selling any of the tickets to the public. It’s gonna be all contest and giveaway shit. So the team needs a headcount as soon as possible for the guest list so we set aside enough tickets. So if you and Mary and Theo were wanting to see us live, here’s your chance.”

You blink, stunned at the twist the conversation had taken. “Guest list?”

or

Van’s back in L.A., and you cancel all your plans to see him perform for the first time.

A/N: It’s been four weeks of posting this!! Whether you’ve been following from the beginning or are binge reading it now, thank you for making this story I’ve put so much blood, sweat, and tears into a part of your day ❤️

Word count: ~9.2k

Chapter Five May 2019

The morning after the party is the last time you see Van while he’s in L.A.. For the rest of his trip, his schedule is packed with studio time and meetings in preparation for the album launch. 

You finally follow the band on Instagram, although you shy away from following the boy’s personal accounts. Their relationship with social media didn’t seem to be the strongest, and you figured one of Van’s random flings following all of them probably wouldn’t send the best message.

The night of the album release they post a black and white photo of a pile of albums and vinyls to mark the occasion. You text Van the next morning, when it’s officially out, simply: Congrats on The Balance!! 

Thaaaanks, Van sends back, Buzzing over it! 

Each day you watch their feed fill with new posts promoting live shows. They announce tour dates so often it makes your head spin. Peppered amongst event announcements are videos of Van singing enthusiastically into a microphone, always promoting one of the different singles. You watch them more times than you’d care to admit.

Your conversation thread with him runs dry. You try to send him something here or there, to keep things going, but Van isn’t the best at a consistent reply. You try to convince yourself he’s tired from work, or the time difference is hard to maintain, but your brain can’t help but insist he’s busy with someone else.

That’s why two weeks after release day, when your phone lights up on the kitchen counter with a phone call from Van, you practically faint. 

“Hello?” You respond hesitantly. You two have never called each other. You’re convinced he’s dialed you by accident.

“Whatcha doing?” Van asks down the line, his voice breezy.

“Um, cooking dinner,” You say, still confused. 

“What’s for dinner?”

“Uh, lasagna…” You peek inside the oven to make sure it’s cooking alright. “It’s in the oven right now.”

“Sounds class.”

“Yeah…” You trail off, unsure why this warranted a phone call. “What are you up to?”

“Having a cig real quick. But I got an email from our team and I wanted to talk to you.” 

Instantly, your mind flashes to the worst case scenario. Was this about Instagram? Had you done something wrong? You hadn’t even posted anything!

“Is something wrong?” You press, when Van doesn’t continue.

“No, nothing’s wrong,” You hear him exhale smoke, his breath making noise in the microphone. “We got booked to do a show for one of the big rock stations in L.A..”

You realize now he’s looking for someone to share in his good news. “That’s amazing!”

“Right, it’s awesome. But here’s the thing: they’re not selling any of the tickets to the public. It’s gonna be all contest and giveaway shit. So the team needs a headcount as soon as possible for the guest list so we set aside enough tickets. So if you and Mary and Theo were wanting to see us live, here’s your chance.”

You blink, stunned at the twist the conversation had taken. “Guest list?”

“Yeah. It’s not a backstage kind of thing, nothin’ like that. But I can put your names down. You can choose balcony or G.A., whatever you like. If you want G.A. I could probably weasel you in a little earlier so you can get a good spot.”

The opportunity already sounds amazing. There’s only one thing on your mind: “When?”

Van chuckles. “You’re gonna kill me.”

“Oh God, why?”

“It’s on Friday.”

“What?!” You spin around in the kitchen, making a beeline for the calendar you’ve got hanging up in there. “Van, that’s in five fucking days!”

“I’m sorry! It was kind of in talks, but they really like the album. They wanna do a whole week spinning it and really pushing us. It was all penciled in last minute.”

“Right,” You sigh, your mind going a mile a minute. “Okay, I need to call Mary. Can I call you back?”

“Yeah, sooner the better. If I don’t pick up I’ll call as soon as I’ve got a moment.”

You say your goodbyes, hitting call on Mary’s contact card as soon as the screen clears.

“Hey, Mare?” You start hesitantly.

“Yeah?”

“What are you and Theo doing on Friday?”

As soon as Mary starts detailing her plans, the oven timer rings out.

“Okay hold on,” You interrupt her. You put the call on speaker, resting it back on the counter while you fuss with the lasagna. “Whatever you’re doing, I need you to cancel it.”

“What? Why?”

You struggle to lift the heavy glass pan of food out of the heat. “Van’s doing a show and he wants to put us on the guest list.”

“Huh?” Mary’s voice rings tinny through the speakers. “I can’t hear you!”

“Van’s doing-” You huff in frustration, jabbing your finger against the oven keypad to stop the timer. “He’s doing a show and wants to put us on the guest list!”

“Who’s guest list?”

“Van’s!” You yell, your voice echoing through the silent kitchen. “Catfish and the Bottlemen are doing a show and he wants us on the guest list!”

Silence. Then: “You’re joking.”

“No,” You tell her breathlessly.

“Okay, fuck, okay,” Mary panics. “Lemme grab Theo.”

You don’t give your friends enough credit. All Friday plans were dropped in exchange for this show you knew nothing about. 

Theo and Mary had pestered you with questions as you three scrambled to devise ways to clear your schedules. Mary was going to bail on her cousin’s baby shower, and Theo was in the process of texting any co-worker that could possibly cover for him. You had no idea what your plan was. Worst case scenario, you’d have to play sick. Through the entire ordeal, they’d asked where the show was, the capacity of the venue, what time, what radio station. You had answers for none of these. 

You call Van back with an adrenaline rush, praying he picks up. He does.

“Okay, we’ll take three for G.A.,” You say instead of a greeting. “But I have some fucking questions for you, okay?”

Van laughs. “Okay, yeah. Grab a pen and paper, I’ll read you the email.”

\\

During your workweek you do your research. You listen to the radio station, curious to hear fan’s reactions to their new stuff. Almost every fan that wins tickets is a female that’s jumping for joy. Every commercial break consists of a minute-long ad of Van and Bondy introducing themselves and pushing their album and the chance to win tickets to hear it live. The radio announcers enthusiastically discuss how much they enjoy every song of the band’s that they play. You realize you’d been sorely underestimating their success. People seem genuinely interested in their work, and a lot of the people that call in are long-time fans.

But nothing prepares you for the actual day. 

Getting the day off work had seemed like that was going to be your biggest obstacle, but it was surprisingly easy. The real challenge came with all the coordinating required between you, Mary, Theo, Van, and the band’s team.

The event was happening early afternoon, at 2. You’d never even heard of shows happening that early besides all-day festivals. But you supposed it made sense with the way it was going to be broadcasted over the radio this afternoon, and Van had mentioned they also had interviews to do.

That meant you were up as early as a workday, except last night you’d had the worst sleep possible because of your nerves. You slug through your grogginess, attempting to get ready with the help of multiple cups of coffee. Through the entire process you’re glued to your phone, fielding questions from Mary about what time you three should leave, who’s car to take, and who’s driving, along with questions from Van about what time you think you’ll be arriving, the address to the venue, and details about the guest list.

The whole guest list concept was so casual it made you nervous. The only thing Van took down was everyone’s first and last names, and their choice of general admission. He insisted that was enough. He’d arranged to meet you guys at the side door of the venue a half hour before doors opened to get you in early, but other than that he only told you to tell security your name if asked. It felt too easy for something to go wrong.

And to be fair, something did go slightly wrong. Communicating with everyone all morning keeps you from finishing your hair and makeup on time, which delays the three of you from leaving, which means that by the time you get through traffic and pull into the venue, Van has texted that he can’t wait at the side door any longer as it’s time for him to warm up.

No worries, securitys still waiting, He insists when you apologize for running late, When you get here go to the side. 

You don’t even understand how you’re supposed to make it around the front of the venue. The entire building is swarmed with fans, most of them sitting on the cement in the sweltering L.A. heat for their best chances at a good spot. There’s a disorganized line crowded around the ticket booth, and at any moment more people are exiting their cars, heading to congest the building further. It hadn’t seemed like this many tickets had been given away when you’d been listening to the station. There’s way more people here than you expected.

You can feel everyone’s eyes on you as you walk past the line. Girls sitting on the sidewalk peer up at you, their heads following as you breeze past them. You actually feel bad. They must’ve been out here for hours, considering how far the line goes down the sidewalk. And yet here you are with your friends, scaling the line in a matter of minutes. As much as it feels elite, you’ve got a healthy amount of fear running through your veins. You pray that something doesn’t go wrong, that you don’t get turned away in front of all these people.

The last thing you see as you, Mary, and Theo turn the corner is necks craning to see what you’re up to. You’re relieved to be out of everyone’s sight around the brick building. 

The door is exactly as Van had described, but there’s nobody attending to it. Your stomach sinks as you realize you’re probably locked out. But still, you turn the knob, needing the weight of your body to help maneuver the heavy door. You guys struggle to get through.

On the other side is a security guard watching you curiously. 

“Van was waiting for us,” You explain. You’re so nervous that the true statement comes out like a question. 

The guard eyes you three. Then he gestures to a spot on the floor. “One at a time, let’s get you checked.”

Just like that, the three of you are scanned over quickly by his portable detector, your bags skimmed through before he gestures to one of the doors.

“Stage is through that one.”

Everyone hurriedly thanks him as you head through the giant space, your footsteps echoing against the flooring as you head towards the door. There’s equipment everywhere, cords in tangled piles, and you even spot overflowing boxes of merch. You can hear some hustle and bustle in the distance, coming from one of the nearby rooms. 

You’re thrown off when the door leads you right onto side stage. You’re instantly in the way of crew members who are maneuvering a drum set over the hardwood. 

“Sorry, sorry,” You say immediately, scrambling to clear their path. Thankfully you spot the stairs to descend the stage nearby, although they’re blocked by a thick, dusty stage curtain you’ve got to press through. 

Once you’re down, another security team member nearby makes a gap in the barricade railing for you to get through. And just like that, you three are standing at the barricade, no other fan in sight. With no questions, hassle, or mishaps. You look to Mary and Theo in relief.

“That was so weird,” Mary agrees with your silent communication. Her voice echoes eerily around the space.

“We should grab drinks,” Theo gestures to the bar nestled into one of the walls. There’s only one woman attending it currently, stocking plastic cups.

By the time you’ve been served, the doors have opened and people are starting to flow in. You nestle yourselves in the front corner of barricade, a spot that looks like it’s going to have a great view and also prevent the band from being able to see you.

You listen to the conversations that the fans pressed against barricade are having. Soon the space up front is packed tightly, everyone jostling for the best view. You pick up on a few people’s opinions of The Balance, a few general criticisms, and listen curiously to a couple of girls enthuse about a time they managed to meet Van. According to them, he was very nice. You glance over to catch one of the girls showing the other her picture. There’s Van, arm slung around her, lopsided smile on display. There’s something about knowing him personally and listening to the girls speak as if they know him personally that unsettles you. You decide to try and tune them out.

Without an opening act, the lights going down catch you off guard. One moment there’s a pre-show playlist playing happily over the amps, the crowd cheerfully bopping along, and the next the lights are out and the entire room erupts in screams. And just like that there’s blinding lights shining down, the band taking their positions before Van emerges, electric guitar slung low on his hips, the opening notes of Longshot ringing out.

There was nothing in your radio station research that could have prepared you for what you were witnessing today. 

You knew Van loved music. It was as much a part of him as one of his organs. He was constantly talking about it, playing it, writing it, singing it. And he’d mentioned that he loves live shows. And you knew from his fans that Catfish made music that people really loved, really connected with. But you had made a fatal mistake. Your brain had not added these facts up correctly. 

Because seeing the boys actually on stage was insane. 

The band rips through their setlist relentlessly. You’re barely able to catch a breath before they’ve launched into the next song. And the next. And the next. The fast pace only seems to wind everyone up more, leave everyone eager to bask in every note. Van is magnetic on stage. The crowd goes crazy for him, and he knows it. Simply resting his foot on one of the amps makes the entire crowd swell and swarm in an attempt to get as close to that amp as possible. He improvises lyrics and note changes that keep everything interesting. Every one of the boys performs flawlessly. There’s not one moment where it looks like they’re anything less than over the moon to be entertaining.

As soon as it feels like the show is slipping by too fast, Van will drop the pace. He’ll chant a lyric a few extra times. He’ll strum his guitar a bit longer than what you’d been hearing on the radio. He’ll lean forward, voice low, and make direct eye contact with different people in the crowd. It’s so electrifying that when your desire for him washes over you in a surprisingly intense wave, you’re almost positive that every single person- regardless of sexual orientation- feels the same. 

The show feels like it exists outside of time. It lasted hours but also only ten minutes. When Van thanks everyone for coming out it shocks you, but also fills you with extreme exhaustion as if you’d just run a marathon. Before you know it the boys have walked off, the lights are back up, and the air is still crackling with electricity. 

The three of you gape at each other.

“They’re phenomenal,” Theo says after a moment of shocked silence. “Do they have their albums at the merch stand? I wanna give them a listen after that!”

“I dunno,” You mumble, numb. “I can probably get Van to grab you some.”

Someone next to you pauses at your mention of Van. You realize how strange that sentence sounded only after it’s out of your mouth. When you don’t say anything else, they keep moving. 

“You do that,” Mary nods, eyes wide. “I guess we should… go?”

“Right,” You try to come back to reality, fishing your phone out of your bag. There’s a text from Van.

At the side door having a smoke. Come say hi?

“He wants us to come say hi,” You announce, your head spinning.

“You go say hi,” Mary elbows you playfully, “Meet us at the car.” 

You don’t think security would take you heading to the side door through backstage well, so you head out the front door with them in a daze. Once you’re outside again you round the corner, ending up back at the side door, which is now cracked. 

You knock softly, a warning before you try to heave it open again. This time there’s another set of hands helping you.

“Are you allowed to smoke inside?” You ask curiously once you’re inside, Van shutting the door behind you.

He shrugs. “Ceilings are high enough.” He nods towards outside. “M’not in any state to take a picture with anyone.”

“Right,” You breathe. Fans are looking for him. Another piece of information your brain doesn’t have the capacity to handle. 

Van is soaked from head to toe in sweat. He resembles a wet dog, hair matted and sticking to his skin while he tries to catch his breath. His face is cherry red from his last two hours of exertion, his freckles standing out. He’s undone half of the buttons on his shirt, his chest as splotchy red as his cheeks. Although you two have a healthy distance between your bodies, you pick up on his body odor with every inhale. He’s radiating heat like a furnace. 

“Did you like it?” He asks breathlessly.

“I loved it,” You beam. “So did Mary and Theo. You’re, like… incredible on stage. You all are.”

Van shakes his head around an inhale of his cigarette. “We had a really nice crowd, s’all. Makes everything more massive. I wanted to change up the setlist a bit but it couldn’t get done this fast.”

“I loved the setlist,” You assure him. “Everyone else clearly did, too.”

“Aw, quit. But you liked it? Honest?”

“I loved it,” You insist again. “Loved it. It was amazing.”

“Okay, good.” Van nods. “Wanted to make sure. I’m gonna go clean up now. I’ll see you after, if you want.”

“Yeah, when?”

Van flicks his finished cigarette out of the door. “You can head to my place. You remember the gate code?”

“010892,” You recite. Van smiles. “What about your front door?”

“Spare key under the mat.”

He’s already undoing the last buttons of his shirt. You try not to stare.

“I gotta shower real quick and do an interview, it shouldn’t be long. I’ll try to be quick.”

“Don’t rush an interview,” You urge him, shocked that he would even think of doing that. He laughs you off, parting with a quick goodbye before practically jogging away.

You make your way out of the side door and back into the melting heat, your mind going a mile a minute as you walk back to the car.

Sliding into the air conditioned vehicle feels heavenly. You slump in your seat.

“How’d it go?” Mary asks, turning in her seat to face you. “Did you jump into his arms?”

You laugh. “Fuck off.”

“Ready to go?” Theo asks as he kicks the car into reverse, carefully backing out of his parking spot. 

“Yeah, but is there a way you could… Drop me off at Van’s?”

Mary cackles.

\\

You’re starting to get quite accustomed to the route to Van’s. You’re easily able to direct Theo around the twisted, uphill roads through the neighborhood. When you helpfully add that the 8 sticks, Mary only raises her eyebrows in amusement. Soon you’re at his front door, fishing around under the welcome mat laid out on his porch for the key. It’s easy enough to find, and you wave Mary and Theo off as you unlock the front door. 

It’s strange being at his house alone. His luggage is strewn about the front room, a couple of the bags open and oozing clothing. There’s a MacBook charger plugged into the outlet by the stairs, but no MacBook in sight. 

You take in his mess of things for a moment before locking the door and leaving the borrowed key on the end table, making a mental note to lecture him about finding a new hiding spot. 

The air smells stale, a sure sign nobody’s been here for weeks. You take it upon yourself to turn one of the lamps on, noticing a notebook and pen resting on the coffee table. It’s got a leather cover, clearly some sort of journal or agenda. Maybe he writes songs in there? The temptation to snoop is strong, but you know better. You physically force yourself to turn away.

You crack the door to the outdoor lounge, hoping to let some fresh air in. You look around for the thermostat to make sure the air conditioning wouldn’t run itself silly trying to keep up with the L.A. heat breezing in, but you’re not able to spot one on the walls.

Your next stop is the kitchen. Van’s obviously been in here, a few tea mugs in the sink. You peek in the fridge; judging by the smell, it’s seen better days. There’s a rubbery-looking bundle of celery, it’s ends the crisp brown of decaying produce. A head of lettuce has rolled onto its side on the shelf, sharing a sheath of white fuzzy mold with the few soggy tomatoes next to it. 

What is intact, however, is a gallon of unsweetened iced tea that’s still sealed, and a lonely beer bottle that’s tipped over in the door compartment. You extract the iced tea from where it’s resting on its side by the moldy tomatoes, and open various cupboard doors looking for a glass.

For lack of anything better to do you head out to the outdoor lounge, perching yourself on one of the chairs and setting your iced tea on one of the expensive-looking frosted glass tables. You get your phone out and flip through your photos and videos from the show, experiencing the magic all over again. You wonder if Van would be against you posting some of these. You’d have to ask him about it.

From your spot outside you hear the gate creak on its hinges, signaling Van’s arrival. You head back inside, your heart suddenly racing in anticipation. It seems silly considering you’d just seen him after the show, but you’re nervous nonetheless. 

You’ve just locked up the patio when Van’s knuckles rap against the front door. You rush to unlock it, leaving your mostly-empty iced tea on the mantle.

“Fucking sweltering,” Van says as soon as he comes through the front door. As promised, he’s freshly showered. His hair is still wet except the ends, which are flipping this way and that as they dry. He’s in clean clothes, which you recognize immediately as the worn out gray sweatpants you’d seen him in once or twice, and the gray sweatshirt you’d borrowed the last time you’d seen him. He’s got a backpack slung over one of his shoulders.

“Lock me out of my own house, huh?” He jokes as he closes the door behind himself.

“Yeah,” You murmur, too busy processing the fact he’s in front of you for the first time in five weeks. At the memory of the key under the mat, you come back to your senses. “And you need to move that key,” You tell him sternly. “Under the mat is too easy! Anyone could guess that!”

Van makes a psh noise with his lips. “Nobody gives a fuck about my house.”

“Um, everyone at that show?” You argue. 

“Worried they’re gonna come in and raid my drawers?” Van grins. “Steal one of my condoms as a souvenir? Nah, it’s fine.”

You roll your eyes in disagreement, but drop the subject.

Van turns to you then, taking you in. 

“Long time no see,” He breathes, his grin reappearing.

“I think you’ve already used that line,” You point out. And without further ado you get up on your toes, going in for a kiss. Van lets his head tip, your lips crashing together effortlessly.

Kissing Van makes the tornado of feelings that have been swirling around for the last month settle. Any doubts about your chemistry, whether or not the party was the last time he’d be this close to you, or whether you’d failed the meet-the-friends test all come to rest now as Van deepens the kiss, getting a hand on the hem of your shirt to tug you closer.

You get a hand on the back of his neck in response, pressing your lips tighter together. Running your fingers through the damp locks of hair sticking to his skin.

The way you’ve missed him washes over you, crashing waves no longer able to be ignored. It’s the strange mix of sadness and relief pressing down on your chest that suddenly has you getting down on your knees. 

“Oh fuck,” Van murmurs, swinging his backpack off of his shoulder in one motion. He sets it down safely before leaning back, letting the front door hold most of his weight. 

He cooperates eagerly as you get his pants down in one smooth motion. He’s close to hard, but not enough to get started yet.

You stroke the inside of his thighs with your palms in big, sweeping motions. They’re still clammy from his shower. He smells clean, like men’s body wash. You ease your hands under the hem of his sweater and the t-shirt he’s got layered underneath, running your fingers over the bump of his lower stomach. His skin is silky smooth wherever you touch. Even the trail of hair that thickens in a stripe down his belly feels less wiry. You can’t help but run your fingers over the hairs as you bring your hands back down to the matter at hand.

Van lets you keep him waiting without complaint, watching you with hooded eyes.

He’s hard now as you wrap a hand around him, your wrist twisting around him in muscle memory. You only hope that muscle memory applies to the rest of what you’re about to do.

He’s waiting for your next move, the muscles in his thighs clenched tight. His desperation is palpable. You’re taking too long to get your mouth around him, trying to work up the courage.

“I’m rusty,” You blurt out suddenly. “I haven’t, um, done this recently. So if something’s not right…”

You trail off at the way Van’s shaking his head vehemently, his damp hair rustling with the motion.

“I don’t care,” He says, resting his head against the door, chin tipping upwards, his eyes falling shut. “It doesn’t matter. Doesn’t fucking matter.”

You figure it will matter in a minute, when you’re not up to his expectations, but his reassurance comforts you enough to get started. You carefully maneuver his foreskin under the ridge of his head so you can get your lips around him, pressing the flat of your tongue against his slit as you plan your next move.

Van jolts at the sensation, his hips jerking forward, feeding you more than you were ready for. 

He grimaces apologetically when you pull back. “My bad, my bad, love,” He apologizes. “Took me by surprise s’all. Sorry.”

Instead of a response you pet his thigh with the back of your hand, a silent reassurance that he’s forgiven. This time when you start again you press one of your hands to his hip, nudging him back against the door. You use your other hand to guide him into your mouth. When his muscles go tight you quickly shift your hand from his hip to lower stomach, pressing him away from you more firmly.

With the security of your hand holding him away you’re able to get into a rhythm. It’s a bit sloppier than you’d prefer, and the entire time forgotten pointers from your past are flashing through your mind, but Van doesn’t seem to notice. He leans uselessly against the door, occasionally cursing quietly.

Giving head is a precise game to play, but fortunately Van makes things easy. You devote all your focus to him, taking careful note of what tricks make his stomach clench against your palm or leave him groaning. A slightly faster pace gets his thighs trembling. You’re not sure if there’s someone else in London, but considering Van’s desperation she must not give head.

When it’s clear he can’t hold off much longer you shut your eyes tight, willing your throat to relax as much as humanly possible before taking him down deep.

Van’s reaction comes instinctually. In your focus you’ve relaxed the pressure on his stomach, and you feel his hips lift off of the door, chasing the feeling.

“Oh fuck,” He groans, his hands scrambling for something to hold on to. He settles for restlessly combing his fingers through your hair. 

Your other hand flies to his stomach, pressing him back forcefully to prevent yourself from being choked. There’s only an inch or two space between him and the door, and you’re more forceful than you’d intended, the door making a heavy thud as his body lands against it. Instantly you get a sinking sensation in your stomach that you’ve accidentally hurt him.

As you go to pull back and check, you’re stopped by the way Van’s entire body goes stiff. 

“Shit, I-”

But before he can finish uttering his warning you feel his orgasm rock through him, his dick throbbing against your tongue as you feel him pulsing heat down the back of your throat. 

Thankfully, he’s deep enough so the taste is minimal. Van pulls out as soon as he’s done while you stay put, only slightly sputtering as you swallow everything down.

“Fuck,” Van exhales. You look up at him.

“Holy shit,” He says, dazed and lost for words. He tugs up his pants before melting down the door until he’s on the floor with you. 

“Rusty,” He scoffs. “Fuck you. You’re hustling me!”

You’re still cringing from the taste of him. “Can you go grab me my iced tea?” You request, pointing him in the direction of the mantle. 

Van obliges.

“Sorry for such a shit warning,” He says when he brings the iced tea back. He offers you his hand, helping you up from the floor. “I was trying to hold off. Wanted to do other things.” He winks. “Been a while since I had that, though. Doesn’t help you’re fucking amazing at it, either. Shit.”

You roll your eyes, brushing off his compliment. “You’re fine,” You insist. “I was just worried I hurt you.” 

“Nah. Quite the opposite, actually.”

You two make your way to the sectional, plopping down. As soon as your body comes to rest you feel the exhaustion from the concert wash over you, only amplified by your front door activities.

“Do you want me to return the favor?” Van’s lying on his stomach, head resting on his arms. 

You perk up at the suggestion, bummed when you remember you need to shower. There’s no way you’re letting Van down there when you’ve been sweating like a pig. 

“Raincheck,” You sigh, disappointed. “I need to shower. I’m disgusting.”

Van hums in acknowledgement.

A lazy silence blankets you both. You hear Van’s stomach grumble.

“You hungry?” You ask, realizing as you say it that you are, too.

“Yeah,” Van sighs, rolling onto his back. “Haven’t had anything but toast. All the food went bad.”

“You didn’t eat at the venue?”

“Not right before a show. Doesn’t sit right in my stomach on stage.”

“Oh my god,” You groan suddenly. “I forgot I have the best frozen pizza in my freezer.”

“What toppings?”

“Cheese. But then I got fresh pepperonis. The expensive kind.” Your mouth practically waters thinking about it. “It’s one of those giant ones.”

A beat of silence from Van. And then: “We could go to yours?”

“Like, for dinner? That sounds good. And then I can shower.”

“I mean, I can pack a bag and stay over. It’s up to you. Is Mary your roommate?”

“Nope. Just me.” You sigh gratefully as you think of your past living arrangements. “But yeah, stay over if you wanna.”

Van sits up. “I do. Need to give this place a good cleaning.”

“It smells weird,” You admit.

“Always does,” Van says, heaving himself up off of the couch. “From being closed up. Should smell my place in London when I get back from U.S. tours.”

You crinkle your nose, staying put as Van starts picking through his bags.

Soon he’s got his backpack repacked and slung back over one of his shoulders. “Ready?”

It feels like it takes a superhuman amount of effort to get yourself up from the couch, slip your shoes on, and head out the front door with him.

You’re in such a sleepy haze as you direct Van to your house that you almost forget to be anxious that he’ll absolutely hate your place.

But once he pulls up, his range rover out of place behind your beat up car, your anxiety makes itself as present as ever. There’s no driveway, so he’s parked against the sidewalk behind you. You pray nobody scratches his car during the night, even though your neighbors are quite good about that kind of thing. 

“Here it is,” You laugh nervously as you two clamor out of the air conditioning and into the humidity. 

Your front yard is the only space with grass, enclosed with a moderately new white picket fence. You fuss with the latch before it comes undone, and the gate creaks open for Van to follow you down the path to the front porch. Van holds the screen door while you unlock the door.

“Well,” You say, stepping inside, “This is my place.”

You actually love your house. Considering the L.A. housing market, you’re blessed to even rent a home rather than an apartment, let alone without roommates. Renting this space is only made possible by the fact it was one of your ex-girlfriend’s friends that owned it, and he cut you a great deal on rent. 

Van walks around, examining the decor. All of the walls are painted the same color, a light gray that matches the wooden floors nicely. And although furniture is sparse throughout the rest of the house, you’re actually quite proud of the work you’ve done furnishing the front room; There’s a dark blue sectional, although not as plush or big as Van’s, along with a nice coffee table that has storage built into the sides. They sit atop a white and blue striped rug that ties everything together nicely, facing the television sitting proudly on it’s stand. 

The dining table shares the space, a cheap white set with metal legs you had managed to snag on sale. 

You’ve got two bedrooms, but one of them is unfurnished, instead holding boxes of things from your move you’d never felt like unpacking. A lot of it is things you’d packed to move cross country as a teenager. Too sentimental to throw away, too childish to keep around. 

Your actual bedroom is simple, a queen bed and a dresser. A bookshelf that was covered with more clutter than books. You feel yourself holding your breath as Van peeks his head into the different rooms, getting a feel for everything.

“It’s really fucking nice,” He says finally, and you feel yourself exhale. “I love the windows.”

You beam at his mention of the windows. The natural light is one of the things that made you feel like it was love at first sight here. “Me too.”

Van sets his backpack down on the kitchen table. 

“Sorry it’s smaller than you’re used to,” You can’t help but say.

Van cracks a lopsided smile. “I’m used to hotel rooms, really. This place is huge compared to those.”

You laugh, your nerves always eased by his humor. “I’ll get the pizza going.”

The evening slides by quietly. You two work side by side in the kitchen, bumping hips and hands while you place pepperonis. You’re quiet during dinner, too focused on scarfing down your food. Afterward, Van offers to wash the dishes while you start on your shower. You try to talk him out of that plan, but he’s insistent on helping. You eventually give in.

As you scrub your makeup off under the hot water, you realize this is the most natural you’ve ever been in front of Van. Even if you’re not always wearing a full face of makeup like did today, you’re always adamant about having some tinted moisturizer or mascara on when you’re with him. You knew him well enough to know he wouldn’t criticize your appearance; You just hoped he’d keep the shock off of his face when he first sees you.

The hot water invigorates you with a fresh boost of energy, washing off the fatigue that’s been hanging over you since Van’s house.

You head into your bedroom, the only thing covering you the threadbare towel wrapped around you. Van is sitting on your bed, tapping away at his laptop. He doesn’t look up as you make your way to your dresser.

“What’re you doing?” He asks, and you hear the soft noise of his computer closing.

“Getting dressed,” You tell him, procuring a pair of underwear and folded t-shirt from their respective drawers.

“Well, stop,” Van demands. At the slap of his hand against your comforter you turn around, confused. He’s slapped the space next to him, and he motions to it with a nod of his head. “Get over here.”

You feel a laugh bubble up from the nerves stewing in your stomach. “What?”

Even as you question him you still obey, abandoning the underwear and shirt in favor of sitting on the edge of the bed in your towel.

“Lay down,” Van insists, patting the bed again. “I’ve got a favor to return, don’t I?”

You swallow hard. You hadn’t forgotten his proposal, the way it fizzled away with no real resolution. A part of your brain had clung onto his words, nervously hoping he’d follow through. The part of you that didn’t want to get your hopes up had convinced yourself to forget about it and get dressed.

“It doesn’t work that way,” You assure him sternly. “It’s not tit-for-tat.”

Van isn’t phased. His lopsided smile makes another appearance from where he’s already stood up from the bed, stripping away his clothes.

“But that wouldn’t be polite of me.” He tosses his crewneck at you teasingly. It’s damp from being pressed against his post-shower body. You throw it to the floor for him. He does the same with his t-shirt.

Once he’s down to his briefs he meanders around the room, setting the scene. You gaze at him in wide-eyed curiosity as he shuts the bedroom door, turns off the bedside lamp, and motions to the windows.

“Want me to close these?”

The sun was close to slipping under the horizon, the last rays of light weakly shining. And unlike Van’s house, there were neighbors with their own windows close by. “Yeah, close ‘em,” You agree.

Once that’s done Van turns back to you, still sitting shell-shocked on the bed. He motions to your towel, still wrapped tightly around your midsection. “You gonna let go?”

You hadn’t realized how tightly your fingers had been clenching the fold to keep it in place. At his words you relax your hands. The fabric doesn’t unfold all the way, but Van climbs back onto the bed, his fingers slipping against your bare skin as he untucks it. 

“Why are you so tense?” He asks as he slips the towel away from your body, off the edge of the bed. He smiles at you, amused and relaxed. “You’re stiff as a board.”

“I’m nervous.” It’s easier to admit now that the lights are off and the windows are closed. There’s still light pressing against the blinds, but the blanket of shadows relaxes you.

“Bad experiences?”

Van is still fussing with the pillows while he talks to you, getting some to fill the gap between the two sleeping spaces. Once he’s satisfied he pushes at you gently, silently asking you to lay down. You do.

You stare at your ceiling for a moment before answering. “Not really bad.” You chew the inside of your cheek in contemplation. “Mediocre, for sure. Lots of pressure.”

Van’s palm presses warm against the soft skin of your stomach. You shiver, tilting your neck so you can look at him where he’s hovering next to you, sitting on his knees. He swipes his thumb back and forth against your skin in a reassuring motion.

“Lucky for you, there’s no pressure,” He shrugs. “We can always do somethin’ else. Just say the word.”

You nod, taking his words in. “Right.”

He lifts his hand from your stomach, running it through his hair. “No bullshit, remember?”

You remember the pinky promise you’d made after your first date. It feels like forever ago. You jokingly lift you arm to salute him. “No bullshit.”

Van chuckles as he salutes you back. The lightheartedness helps you relax.

After the salute Van climbs up onto his hands and knees, making his way down your body. He places a kiss here or there as he goes; one on your shoulder, one near one of your nipples, by your belly button, the top of your thigh. He takes his time getting comfortable between your legs, squirming and adjusting. He presses his fingertips against the inside of your knees and you let him bend your legs, opening them to his preferred angle.

You clench your hands into the fabric of your comforter, laying there open and vulnerable. The build up is excruciating. He spends time running his fingertips over you, feather light. There’s not enough pressure to create friction but you feel the sparks nonetheless. He nuzzles into the crook of your thigh, his hair tickling you wherever it brushes. You’ve got to reach one of your hands down to scratch an itch from it, and since you’re there you lace your fingers into his hair. It grounds you to be able to feel him, to have an idea of his next move.

It still catches you off guard when he presses his lips right against your clit. He pulls away quickly, leaving a light kiss, but the sensation buzzes through you for much longer. Just when it starts to fizzle out he leans in again, more pressure but too quick again, over as soon as it began. You groan in impatience, tugging on his hair. 

He takes you seriously after that. In one sweeping motion his breath floats hot over your skin before his mouth is pressed against you, there to stay. His lips part for his tongue to caress you, firm but forgiving, rough and smooth and warm all at once and you cry out from it. 

Van is relentless. You can’t catch a full breath, desperately gasping for air as he works enthusiastically and without pause. Even as you squirm against the blankets he’s determined to keep his spot, his face pressing between your legs insistently. It only makes you squirm more, every nerve in your body firing off without being able to catch a break.

You’re so focused on his mouth that the sensation of his calloused fingertips brushing against your entrance goes unnoticed at first. It’s only when he gets a rhythm going, a smooth circle that repeats over and over that you jolt. You don’t have the brainpower to give him any verbal affirmation. Your body lifts it’s hips on its own, instinctively attempting to press down onto his fingers, physically begging for more, more, more. 

If there’s only one lesson you can take from this experience, it’s how attuned Van is to your body. At your hip’s request he eases his two fingers in, pressing slow and deep, persisting even as you clench tight around him, desperate to feel the contours of his fingers.

He makes some small movements, but they’re not necessary. The sensation of being full and also stimulated by his mouth at the same time is so overpowering that he’s barely got to put any work in anymore. The two distinctly different sensations blend together, running up your spine. It feels like you’re about to be split down the center from how good it feels.

Holding Van’s hair just isn’t enough. No matter how tight you were clenching the roots of his hair you needed more. It felt like if you grabbed your comforter you’d rip it apart at the seams. You grope at your pillows, sinking your fingertips into the soft surface, contorting it as your hands clenched into tense fists.

Van groans against you seconds before you come, like he feels something you don’t. His arms hold your thighs open wide as you seize through it, shouting at first before quieting down to moans. You whimper when it’s done washing over you, the sensitivity setting in as he continues to gingerly lick.

“Okay,” You croak, gently nudging at his scalp. “Ow.”

He’s beaming as he pulls away, satisfaction oozing off of him as he wipes at his mouth. 

“Bad experience?” He jokes as he scrambles off of the bed. He’s still in his briefs, a fact that surprises you. He strips them off, clumsy in his eagerness, clamoring back on the bed.

You’re still on cloud nine, too far away to be able to engage with his teasing. You only snort in laughter.

Van’s sitting up on his knees, hand around himself. His dick looks painfully hard.

“Gimme something to blow into.” His voice is laced with urgency.

“C’mere,” You murmur, spreading your legs apart. You use a hand on his side to try and guide him to kneel between your legs, but he falters in confusion. “Between my legs,” You whine, too hazy for explanations.

He knees you as he repositions himself. Unable to read your mind, he starts jerking off again, preparing to come on your thighs. 

“Hold on, chill out,” You grumble playfully, batting his hand away from himself. 

He huffs in frustration but you ignore him, stretching your arm to the limit in order to grasp the bottle of lotion you’d left on your bedside table the other day after moisturizing after your shower. You squeeze a good dollop into your palm before wrapping your fingers around him. His sigh of relief cuts so raw through his throat you feel your body buzz with an aftershock. 

“Come forward a little,” You guide him, jerking him off over your stomach. He thrusts against your hand, his balls hanging heavy between his legs. 

You do him the favor of using your other hand to lend them some attention, realizing with regret you had no idea what his preferences were. Thankfully, your standard palming seems to work fine.

You watch his face as he comes, your focus unbroken as he splatters hot and thick all over your stomach. You keep your hand moving until you see the tension ease out of his forehead and around his eyes. Until he’s finally blinking back at you, disoriented.

There’s only the sound of heavy breathing for a moment. It’s jarring compared to all the noise that previously filled the room. 

“I gotta go clean myself off,” You excuse yourself quickly, feeling his come dry against your skin. You make your way on wobbly legs to the bathroom, soaking a towel in the sink before scrubbing at your stomach. 

You startle when Van taps at the door. At your invitation he peeks his head in, watching your futile attempt to clean his mess. Everywhere the water dried there was a crusty sheen of white. 

“Get in the shower with me,” He mumbles, taking it upon himself to start fussing with the knobs, getting the water running without any assistance. 

“You just showered,” You point out.

“Gotta rewash my hair.” He sounds completely zapped of energy.

You abandon the wet hand towel on the tile, deciding to worry about it tomorrow. You climb back into the shower you’d just emerged from, shifting around the tight space to share it with Van, who’s already wetting his hair.

It’s strange being in this space with Van. You’ve never been one for casual nakedness, always at least wearing a shirt and underwear around the house. Standing in the fluorescent bathroom lighting, watching Van carefully rinse away any excess lotion from the folds of his foreskin feels too intimate. You focus on yourself instead, keeping your head bent low while you run your loofa over your stomach. It only takes Van a few minutes to massage your shampoo through his hair, and then you two are getting back out. You pass him a towel before wrapping one around yourself. 

“Got a toothbrush I can borrow?” He requests, and you pull a spare one from the closet, letting him struggle with the cardboard packaging as you get a head start brushing your own teeth. 

He bumps you with his hip, nudging you over so you two can both share the mirror. 

Then you’re both back in your bedroom, a sense of deja vu as you get dressed in the shirt and underwear that was already sitting on top of the dresser.

The quiet starts to worry you as you climb into bed. You worry suddenly that this was intended to be some sort of goodbye. That this whole strange ritual of head-giving and spending the night at your place and staying close to each other was Van’s way of giving you guys a last hurrah before letting you know that he realized things weren’t working. Maybe the hypothetical London girl wanted commitment. 

Van lights a cigarette as you slip under the sheets with him.

“So…” He starts, before looking over at you. You gulp.

“That was… not mediocre, right?”

You roll your eyes. “Shut up.”

“M’serious!” Van laughs, his cigarette moving dangerously through the air as he gestures with his hands.

“You just want me to stroke your ego,” You scoff, lightly elbowing him. 

“Guess I’m the devil for checking in on you, then.” Van shrugs in a faux pout.

“What do you want me to say?” You tip your head back, sighing dramatically. “Oh, Van McCann, that was the best head I’ve ever gotten. I’ve only come twice from head and it’s been from you both times.” You flop down onto your mattress dramatically. “I’m truly so blessed you chose me tonight out of all those girls at the show.”

“Oh, that was a low blow,” Van jokes, hand over his heart in mock pain. “No need to bring up the groupies.”

You giggle, flipping onto your stomach and shifting your weight on your elbows so you can look up at him. 

“I guess I’m just asking because I’m confused,” Van says, tapping his ashes into the empty can of Coke he’d left on the bedside table. “Like you said, you’ve only ever made it across the finish line two times. But… you had that girlfriend, didn’t you?”

You tense in habitual defensiveness. Through the course of your relationship with her, and any time coming out after, fielding questions from nosy men who want you to indulge them in their girl-on-girl fantasies is a familiar insult. 

“Did I have a girlfriend? Yes,” You play dumb, pressing him for a question with more specifics. 

Van sees right through you. He rolls his eyes. “I mean, lads aren’t great at getting it right, y’know. Your setup’s fucking confusing. I’m the first to admit I’m daft about the whole thing and fucking shit to sleep with. But wouldn’t another girl get it?”

At its core, Van’s question has a lewd essence you’ve encountered before. One that wants you to describe how good women are in bed, how they always get it right and every encounter is sensual and just like they’ve seen in porn. 

But it’s clear Van has a genuine interest. A real desire to get to know you better and learn about your sexual history. With that in mind, you sigh.

“I mean…” You start, then stop. Try to carefully put your words together. “First of all, every girl has a different… setup. You’ve got to know that much,” You narrow your eyes at him, accusatory.

Van waves his hand in dismissal. “Right. Does my head in.”

“Well it’s the same with guys! I can’t walk up to any guy on the street and know exactly what he’d like. You might know your way around- for the most part- but it’s still different with everyone. Plus,” You feel self-consciousness creep over you at how intently Van’s clinging onto your words, “We were each other’s first girl, ya know, so it was all new and weird. And she wasn’t very interested in that sort of thing. It’s not something we did often. I dunno. It just didn’t work the way you think it does.”

Van stubs his cigarette out. “And how do I think it works?”

“Like porn,” You insist. “That’s how everyone thinks it goes.”

Van shakes his head, amused. “I’m grown enough to know that absolutely nothing goes like porn, okay? You say shit that I get curious about!” 

When you don’t respond, he elaborates.

“Like… If you’re telling me you’ve never come from getting head, and I’m planning on doing that, I’d like to know why!” He laughs, throwing up his hands in innocence. “Like I said, I’m shit! I’d like to improve my chances!”

You shake your head in disbelief. “You’re weird!” You tell him. “Asking about exes is weird! I don’t wanna know about yours. It makes for competition.”

You flop onto your back after your declaration, feeling Van’s body shake in silent laughter beside you.

“I lied,” You blurt out, rolling onto your side to click your lamp off as Van starts to settle in. “I do wanna know one thing.”

“Alright.”

“How many have you told about the roughing-up thing?”

“None. And you weren’t supposed to remember that,” He frowns in the darkness at you.

“None? Really?”

“Well… Most of the times something would happen organically, I guess. Things get rough in the moment, y’know. But I never spelled it out.”

You hum. There’s a strand of hair that’s flopped over his eyes, and you carefully tuck it away. “Gotcha,” You say around a yawn.

The room goes quiet.

“G’night,” You tell Van, giving him a pat on his shoulder before turning around, nestling into your sheets.

“Night,” Van says quietly.

Soon, the room glows blue from his phone.

\\

[sunnyameliorate]

things i am missing

dancing in the rain alone. breathing in the clean air. having coldness hit your skin. inhaling water then gasping for air. how you can scream. cry. yell. and all the grief will wash off you and drift away.

calling friends outside school before lunch. walking towards our cars, catching up on our weeks, telling each other about the tests we had, laughing loudly.

late nights in the school theatre. laughter that can’t stop. singing and dancing across the stage. hugging every chance we get simply because we can.

i miss the cafes where we’d talk for hours, getting no work done, sharing music, exchanging our food, and passing notes. how they would welcome us back each time we came.

i miss the hallways that were always a chaotic good, screams bouncing off walls. grins through the walls of people. laughter and conversations drifting through the halls.

i miss mornings in the library that smell like old books and coffee. the polite smiles that came with it. the simple bustle to return books. the fragile detailing of every carved statue.

i miss flipping through pages of notes to find an answer. how the paper is worn out and torn.

late night car rides with music blaring. screaming every lyric. putting hands and heads out of the window. the air brushing off all the anger. for a moment you are flying. for a moment, you can’t breathe, but it makes you feel more alive.

watching stars at 12am with my closest friends. how lucky we were to leave school in the middle of the week to teach in the mountains. the cool air that comes when you’re surrounded by darkness. no concept of time. just stars.

the luxury of hand holding and kissing and hugging without fear. the warmth that came with it all.

but there are things i now know,

to never be the first to let go from a hug. because every second more i could have spent in your arms i would have.

to take as many photos as i can from now on. videos of my friends laughing. photos of things i find pretty. document as much of my life as i want to without fear.

to say yes to as many things as i can. to try new experiences just because i am able to.

right now it’s hard. we’re forced into constant states of reflection. but my god, the love that will come out of this. the gratitude. the mindfulness. it will have been worth it.

[beca-mitchell]

Lucky Clover (1/1)

Summary: Beca has been remiss in informing Chloe about her new roommate, so it's a surprise for everybody involved when Chloe visits Beca in L.A..

Rating: G for gross amounts of fluff.

Word count: 1.7k

Thanks @asimplefavors for being an idea buddy...you demon. Unbeta’d.

Read below or on AO3.

L.A. is lonely and nobody warned Beca it would be so fucking hard to make friends.

“It isn’t a big deal,” she tells Chloe forlornly over FaceTime one evening while a few boxes sit at her feet, still yet to be unpacked.

It’s been months.

(Months of not living with Chloe, months of not waking up to a mouthful of Chloe’s hair—months of just doing this back-and-forth game with Chloe over social media, messaging, and sporadic FaceTimes.

Months of not being a “thing” and yet—)

“I know it isn’t,” Chloe says kindly. “I’m just worried about you.”

“Don’t be,” Beca says quickly. “I think it’s just…” she swallows, trying not to stare too greedily at the slightly blurry video feed of Chloe’s face. “Just a little adjustment. I’ve been learning that people aren’t looking for friends...not as much as they’re looking for a connection.”

“I’m sorry,” Chloe murmurs.

I miss you, Beca thinks. “I’ve always been bad at making friends,” Beca finally says with a self-deprecating grin. “No, no,” she says quickly over Chloe’s protests. “It’s true and I should embrace it.”

“I only ever wanted to be your friend,” Chloe says. It makes Beca blush. Not the sentiment itself, but the way Chloe says it—like it’s the softest secret she could share with Beca. Like there’s so much more to be unpacked there. “And I’ve never regretted being your friend.”

Beca throat feels tight. “Same,” is all she manages to say.

Chloe brightens. “Maybe you should try Tinder.”

Beca blushes furiously right up to her forehead at the same time her entire body unclenches at the release of tension. “Chloe, no.” 

Chloe laughs then, sounding almost relieved. “Yeah, maybe not.”

(—and yet, moments like that. Beca isn’t complaining.

Not a lot anyway.)

— — — — — — — — — —

Some things can’t be bought, Beca thinks as she accepts the form that Theo hands her. But maybe friendship can be acquired through other means.

“Are you sure?” Theo asks, but he looks disgustingly happy for Beca. Gross.

“Yes, I’m sure,” Beca says, avoiding his amused expression.

“And you’re still not going to tell Chloe?”

“No, I am not because it isn’t a big deal. I’ll tell her eventually.”

— — — — — — — — — —

It isn’t a big deal.

Beca isn’t expecting Chloe to visit, but she realizes that perhaps nine months of not seeing each other might be somewhat significant. 

Even if Beca isn’t expecting it, it’s more about the fact that Chloe kind of springs it on her by suggesting that she visit Beca one upcoming weekend and Beca finds herself agreeing nearly immediately. Almost too quickly.

It’s then that Beca remembers that she has the problem of her recently acquired roommate—a roommate that only recently entered her life—and it’s something she hasn’t quite shared with Chloe just yet, knowing just how Chloe would feel about the topic.

“Fuck,” she mutters.

It isn’t a big deal.

— — — — — — — — — —

She forgets about it until she’s waiting for Chloe at Arrivals and tugging her baseball cap lower over her eyes. When she remembers, she groans, realizing that forgetting to tell Chloe about her new friend is akin to breaking one of Chloe’s cardinal friendship rules.

It really isn’t a big deal at all and Beca knows she can just get it out of the way.

It’s just that—

Well—

Suddenly Chloe has her arms so tightly wound around Beca’s shoulders and back and Beca’s ears are still ringing from the ear-splitting shriek Chloe released into the air (also startling nearby travellers). 

It’s not Beca’s fault she forgets, not really. Not when Chloe smells like home and being pressed up against her feels like being wrapped in the warmest, softest blanket Beca has ever known.

(And it’s not that Beca’s like, totally disappointed or anything, but she totally thought she and Chloe would have some kind of dumb movie moment. Maybe with a kiss. But maybe she’s been misreading the signs over months and months of flirty back and forths. 

Maybe.

She’s trying not to think about it, even when Chloe’s lips touch her cheek for the fourth time in the past five minutes.)

— — — — — — — — — —

The Uber from the airport is filled with Chloe and Beca each talking excitedly over each other for a good portion, simply catching up. Beca feels the oddest desire to reach across the small distance between them to hold Chloe’s hand until Beca realizes she should probably let Chloe know.

“Hey,” Beca says quickly, talking over Chloe before she launches into another story. She regrets it when Chloe stops talking, oddly missing the sound of her voice. The odd sensation is confusing, but Beca shakes it off. “There’s just this little thing. I have a roommate now. And sh—”

“—You have a roommate?” Chloe asks. “Why didn’t you tell me? I wouldn’t have suggested visiting.” Her brow furrows. “I can get an Airbnb or something,” she promises earnestly. “I know you’re short on space.”

“No!” Beca exclaims far too quickly. “No, it’s fine,” she reassures at Chloe’s shocked expression. “She won’t mind, I promise.”

“Oh,” Chloe says in a tone that Beca finds entirely too confusing for her sleep-deprived state. Instead, she looks down and fiddles with her phone while Chloe inhales. “What’s her n...I mean,” Chloe stumbles, causing Beca to look up curiously. “I’m excited to meet her,” Chloe says with eyes far too bright to be totally sincere.

Beca’s brow furrows in her attempt to make sense in the change of mood. “I mean, she’s not really—” The car jerks to a stop, alerting Beca that they’ve arrived at her apartment complex. “I, uh, just come in and you can meet her. She’s great,” Beca says, her entire body softening with every word.

Her two favorites in one place, finally.

She can hardly wait.

— — — — — — — — — —

Chloe squeals immediately.

“Beca Mitchell, you got a dog?”

Beca grins, dropping her handbag by the door while Chloe unceremoniously wheels her luggage through the hallway before falling to her knees and cooing happily at Beca’s dog.

“Adopted,” Beca corrects. “About two months now,” she says while walking closer to Chloe. That proves to be a mistake because Chloe immediately smacks her leg when she gets close enough. “Ow! What the fuck was that for?”

“You didn’t tell me you got a dog!”

“It slipped my mind!” Beca defends. She hesitantly drops to her knees next to Chloe and apparently Chloe’s new best friend. “It happened so quickly while I was volunteering one weekend and then I kind of just...couldn’t get her off my mind. So I got Theo to set up an adoption appointment. And…” Beca smiles, reaching out so she can get in a few pats of her own.

“Here you are,” Chloe finishes, still using the same tone while gazing intently and lovingly at Beca’s dog.

“Here we are,” Beca murmurs in wonder, eyes fixated on the scene before her.

“What’s her name?” 

Beca freezes. “Um,” she hesitates. “Well, she didn’t really have a name because she’s a rescue but…” Chloe is already reaching for the dog tag.

“Clover,” Chloe reads aloud.

Beca is silent.

“Clover,” Chloe repeats.

“Yes,” Beca says quickly and far too defensively. 

“Clover,” Chloe says with a grin on her face. It stretches across her lips maddeningly quick as she attempts to catch Beca’s eyes. “That’s a cute name.”

“You would think so,” Beca grumbles.

“And why would I think so?”

“Because…” Beca trails off.

“Because…?” Chloe echoes in a tone that sounds suspiciously like she’s barely resisting from singing the word.

Beca sighs.

Chloe seems to take pity on her, finally. “Because it sounds like my name?”

It takes a few moments while Chloe continues to slowly pat Clover’s fluffy head with her eyes fixated on Beca with startling concentration. When Beca looks up, even Clover is looking at her with a similar expression of utmost focus. 

Beca finally nods, afraid to meet Chloe’s eyes. “I...I just missed you, okay?” 

“Beca, I—”

“And it’s dumb, but when there are moments when I couldn’t just pick up the phone and call you, I had her and you just have to…” Beca exhales noisily. “She reminded me so much of you. But in all the ways that you always used to make me feel like I was somebody worth sticking around for. And somebody worth—” loving “—well,” Beca says quickly. “You know.”

“You’re still worth sticking around for,” Chloe says softly, not a hint of judgement in her voice. “And of course I’ve been missing you too. So much. More than you know.”

“I didn’t realize how hard it was, not having you around.” Beca watches absently as Clover stands and moves around until her head is lying in Beca’s lap. Chloe shuffles closer on her knees as well, reaching out to press a hand to Beca’s forearm. 

“Beca,” Chloe murmurs. “I’m here now.”

“I know,” Beca says in an almost petulant tone. She’s an adult, she can refrain. “But you weren’t before.” Nevermind.

“And now that I’m here,” Chloe says patiently. “You can tell me anything.” Chloe is somehow closer still; she has somehow inched even closer without Beca realizing it.

Clover lifts her head and her tail thumps on the ground excitedly, almost at the same rate as Beca’s heart when she realizes how close Chloe’s face is to her own.

“Can I do something instead?”

Chloe begins to grin again. “Sure.” 

“Hypothetically, if this thing were to be badly-received, you’d let me down easily, right?”

Chloe adopts a serious expression quickly. “Right. Totally would let you down easily.” 

“Or I’ll set Clo on you,” Beca warns without thinking.

Chloe’s serious expression crumbles spectacularly. “Clo?” she questions, delighted at Beca’s slip-up.

Beca panics. “Shut up,” she says quickly and reaches up to quickly pull Chloe’s face towards her own, finally closing the minuscule distance between them. 

Clover barks and immediately runs a quick circle around them as Chloe settles even closer to Beca, tilting her head ever so slightly as they share their first kiss in an apartment that Beca never bothered to decorate; as they share their first kiss in an apartment that Beca shares with her dog named Clover and empty spaces she selfishly reserved for one Chloe Beale.

L.A. finally feels like home.

fin.

[8ofdecember]

The last time I did something like this was 4(?) years ago, but this is just so funny! They’re attending ZIP! from their own houses. Any weirdness is purely on my grasp of what they’re saying. I don’t own the video btw.

Masu pretends to press a button and connect the call: Ah, we’re connected! Good morning everyone!

Everyone wave and say good morning.

Masu: Amazing. This is quite the sight! Ah but I feel that there are people present who are giving out this sense of “who’s this?!” First there’s Naoki.

Kenjiro: Eh? Naoki? Why?

Masu: Probably his hairstyle?

Kenjiro: Recently he’s going for this singed Naoki style.

Naoki: Please allow me to burn you.

Masu: I also feel that Imaichi’s image is a little different?

Ryuji: Oh really?

Naoto: He feels fresher.

Kenjiro: Yeah that’s right. There isn’t that prickly feeling

Someone says he feels softer (more approachable)

Ryuji: I am at home after all.

Voice in the backgroud: The members who are showing a different side of themselves because they are at home.

Masu: There’s something I’m a bit curious about. Are the wallpapers of the homes of the members of Sandaime J soul brothers all matching brick wall patterns?

Iwata: It’s just coincidence that Naoto and I have brick wallpapers:

Masu: You’re not living together, are you?

Kenjiro laughs out loud.

Iwata, Naoto: No.

Masu: And Elly’s house is full of Marilyn Monroe (actually you only see two portraits XD)

Elly: I really like Marilyn Monroe.

Masu: How many Marilyns do you have?

Elly: All in all, 4 Marilyns.

Background voice: And then we go to this request

Masu: Since this a precious opportunity where you’re doing an interview from home, if it’s alright with you, we were wondering if you could share a treasured item with us.

Naoto: This thing (as he brings a big box into view), I’m not sure I should call it a treasure. It’s more like a treasure and a bother. Gun-chan told me, “Naoto-san this is your birthday present.” The bag holding it was really really big. I bought it home and it was really heavy and I was wondering what it was. I opened it with a great deal of excitement and it turned out to be a kayak!

Everyone just starts laughing.

Iwata: Isn’t a kayak great!

Naoto: I wanted to ask the guys: do I look like I go kayaking?

Ryuji: No you don’t.

Meanwhile Tosaka claps gleefully.

Iwata: Naoto-san is the kind who likes hills and rivers (Naoto agrees) and I have this image of him going to these places. I had this thought where maybe he would just happen to go to a river in private and think “AH, there’s a kayak loaded in my car, why don’t I bring it out for a run?”

Tosaka: Do you really expect that kind of miracle to happen?

Background voice: Although the conversation doesn’t stop here, we need to move on to the main theme.

Masu: To the members of sandaime J soul brothers, it’s still a bit early, but this year’s November 10th is the 10th anniversary of your debut. Congratulations! (The members thank him) This is a great opportunity so we would like to look back on ZIP! and sandaime’s history from our first meeting.

Background voice: From the precious archive footage of ZIP!, let’s look back on the 10 year history of sandaime J soul brothers. The first one is from June 2011 at their first album release event.

Footage-Naoto: From the bottom of my heart, I’m really happy.

Tosaka: His face was sharp!

Naoto: My eyebrows were so thin!

Background: Then two years later in April 2013 we have an interview. The members who are watching this footage (Elly and Kenjiro were partnered up: cooking demonstration + beatboxing) 7 years later are curious about-

Naoto: At the back, Naoki’s hairstyle was eyecatching.

Elly: Yes! I noticed too!

Ryuji: I noticed the hair.

Kenjiro: It was a refreshing bob cut.

Naoto: It looks like a bob.

Naoki: It was not a bob. It was an Okappa (おかっぱ, google it :D)!

Background voice: They were curious about the long hair. It’s totally different from what it is now. Then we have footage from December in the same year of their first live performance in the ZIP! studio. After that in March of the next year, Sandaime’s first participation in ZIP!’s spring fest. Here the event that left the most impression on the members was the dance collaboration with Announcer Masu. (They did 君の瞳に恋してる~can’t take my eyes off you)

Elly: For Masu-san to have managed to remembered all of that choreography, it was really quite hard.

Masu: Yes, they gave me a week and so I had the time to turn the steps into words and from there I managed to remember.

Tosaka: Oh yeah you turned them into words

Naoto: You transcribed the dance moves.

Footage-Masu: I transcribed your steps into words. (someone comments that he was all serious business) Macho pose~Macho~macho

Footage-Naoto: This has never been heard of before right? This transcription of dance choreography into words.

The clip switched to Elly rolling across the stage while everyone took turns jumping over him.

Ryuji: Masu jumped over Elly.

Masu: Elly told me, “It’s okay if you step on me”, but there was no mirth in his eyes at all so I was really afraid.

Background voice: Then in June 2014 the release of Ryusei whose dance moves became a social phenomenon. After that the star studded Sandaime J soul brothers also appeared on ZIP! several times. How much of the interview do they remember? Let’s find out! The interview we have prepared is from November 2015, where after appearing on the music special “Best artist”, they were asked about a recent “Best scene”

Naoki: So on November 10th we will celebrate our 5th anniversary, and it is coincidentally also my birthday.

Background voice: That’s right. November 10th is an important anniversary for Sandaime J soul brothers: Debut anniversary and Naoki’s birthday! On that day-

Footage-Naoki: Naoto invited me to go eat very casually, when we got there and I opened the door______

Background voice: To give Naoki a suprise, Naoto prepared a surprise. What kind of surprise did he prepare? Everyone remembers, right?

Tosaka: Eh? What was it? I don’t know.

Iwata: What was it?

Masu: Naoki you yourself remember don’t you?

Naoki: No, I forgot.

Naoto: OI! You cold hearted man!

Background voice: And we start off unexpectedly with Naoki himself not remembering what happened, but what of the other members? We asked, just in case.

Elly: Something like Naoto dressed up as a girl waiting for him?

Naoto: My image in Elly’s mind is that?!

Ryuji: Other members were also present?

Kenjiro: Isn’t that it? That’s it right? November 10th to me is a special day. Since it was a birthday, the surprise was all members gathering together right?

Masu: So if Naoki asked you all to gather together for a surprise you will all gather together?

Kenjiro: If we can gather around on that day we will.

Masu: Ah then let’s go to the video showing the correct answer

Footage-Naoki: Naoto invited me to go eat very casually, when we got there and I opened the door and Gun-chan was waiting there (as a surprise)

Kenjiro: Gun-chan?

Elly covers his face and laughs uncontrollably.

Footage-Naoto: My plan was to have all 6 members waiting for him, but after I informed everyone, only Gun-chan turned up.

Footage-Gun: I was also wondering, “What kind of energy should I be using to welcome him?” “Sorry it’s just me?”

Iwata: We’re so bad at gatherings!

Kenjiro: It’s so bad that we were all asked to go but no one went!

Naoto: And you just said, “If you ask us to go we’ll go”! That was such a huge lie.

Masu: Kenjiro-san, what were you doing on that day?

Kenjiro: I really no longer remember.

Masu: Naoki how do you feel?

Naoki: It’s really lonely. I was thinking that I should always maintain a good relationship with Gun-chan.

Iwata: That’s good. That’s good.

Background voice: A fray in a 10 year bond? and then we go to another interview, this is right before their debut, about the pose that Iwata showed the fans.

Footage-Iwata: At the time I was still an amateur who couldn’t tell left from right, and I was standing on the stage without any clue as to what posing meant. and I ended up doing _____ weird pose. (footage-naoto agreed) They’re still laughing about it today.

Background voice: The weird pose that Iwata did when he was still a newbie, does anyone remember?

Kenjiro: This one, yeah

Ryuji: This I know.

Masu: Does everyone remember?

Tosaka: If you cue us, we can all do it at the same time.

Masu: The pose from Iwata’s newbie days, cue!

They all do the exact same pose

Masu (laughing loudly): That’s right, Let’s go to the answer video.

Footage-Iwata: It was simply a pose where I held my right wrist with my left hand. They’re still laughing about it today.

Masu: Iwata-san, are they still teasing you about this today?

Iwata: 10 years later today it’s still a joke that can be thrown around, that’s conversely quite alright. At the time I couldn’t quite make my hands calm down, and while thinking that I had to do something, I ended up with this pose where I looked like I was holding an injured wrist.

Background voice: We have the actual footage here. among all the members who had cool poses, there was Iwata: holding his right wrist tightly with his left hand.

Masu: Iwata-san, would you mind showing us that pose a second time?

Iwata: Ah it’s our 10th anniversary so I would like to promote this

Naoto: Promote?

Tosaka: I’d like to see that!

Background voice: This strong bond that Sandaime J soul brothers have built up over a 10 year period, another strong bond that goes without saying is their bond with the fans. Although they were supposed to celebrate this important year together with the fans, they faced extraordinary circumstances. However, the members are already prepared for this

Tosaka: The time when we can’t meetup, whether it’s the fans or the members, the frustration that builds up from wanting to “have fun at a live performance”, that’s a good kind frustration. Of course we all hold these feelings of wanting have a live performance, the build up of these feelings clash and lead to the birth of a tremendous amount of anticipation for both us and the fans.

Naoto: After the lifting of this emergency state and we overcome all this with everyone, we hope to be able to bring you all a lot of fun with the power we have accumulated, the ideas that we have thought up in this period. We are doing all these preparations. So let’s look forward to the day when we meet up in a live performance. We hope to continue to have your support.

Lady in the studio: You could really feel their bond in the interview

Masu: I’m sure the viewers at home also have this feeling, when you’re doing meetings remotely there’s usually a clash where everyone tries to speak, but the sandaime members didn’t face this situation and everything was smooth so I felt this was the result of a 10 year bond.

Kenjiro (laughs): Really? I think you’re praising us a little too much. (Masu: no really!) Looking at the footage from when we debuted, you can only feel a sense of wonder realising that that artist has successfully stood on the stage of a dome tour. The 10th year anniversary is a really special year to the sandaime J soul brothers, although it’s shame that we can’t do any live performances, we will fully utilise this time, arrange meetings. so that when this emergency state is lifted, we can deliver unbelievably fun live performances and entertainment. I have the confidence that we will be able to deliver, so please look forward to that.

Masu: Please work hard on that. ZIP! is also in its 10th year so I hope to continue to have your support.

[kpopcotton]

Simply Soft ~ WAYV ver.

a/n ~ i figured that i would make this scenario ot21 (so expect nct 127 to be next!). here are their favorite things to do with you! • Prompt: ten’s instagram lives because he is babie • Genre: platonic fluff, bullet point scenario, wayv member!reader • Warning(s): strong desire to be a part of wayv • Reader Gender: gender-neutral

==≎==

Kun

he does not pick favorites, but if he did you would most definitely be the top of the list ngl

he has reasons lined up whenever the other members call him out on favoring you

1) you listen to him the most out of everyone

and 2) you don’t call him old very much which he finds extremely pleasing

3) you also offer to help him whenever he needs it and he cannot help but adore you for it

honestly would die for you, that’s how much he cares

always doing what he can for you

if you asked him to skydive out of a plane, he would do it at least ten times

he’s known you for a while as well so he’s always looking out for you

loves getting your input on things

if he’s making dinner he will bombard you with questions like “what do you want to eat?”, “does this need more seasoning?”, “have you eaten much today?”, or  “do i need to make a lot?”

wants you to feel included since you haven’t always been a part of wayv (you debuted with them at a later date)

will bring you with him everywhere if you’re up for it

grocery shopping, the mall, downtown to fun food stalls, every tourist attraction ever...

you name it, you and kun have been there

honestly, the best mom friend because he always pays for everything and makes sure you’re having a good time

however, his favorite place to go with you is the studio

you two just vibe

he says you’re very inspiring

enjoys making music with you next to him

finds your talents very exciting and will hype them up a lot

will sometimes have you sing or rap (maybe play an instrument if you can) so he can put it into his mixer and make a song with it

shows off all the things you make together to the rest of the guys so they can compliment you as well

overall a very considerate guy when it comes to your place in the group

wants the rest of wayv, and the fans especially, to love you as much as he does

he is always making you feel good about yourself

“you deserve to be here just as much as the rest of us, y/n.”

==≎==

Ten

stage ten clinger

loves you to the moon and back

finds you to be the cutest thing on planet earth and would, like kun, die for you

you could be the most cold-hearted savage and he would be cooing at you like he would a newborn

loves being around you but will give you space when you need it

can read you like an open book

always touching you in one way or another when he’s close enough

poking your cheek, leaning onto your shoulder, linking your pinkies, snuggling himself tightly against your side, you name it

though if you express a distaste for skinship, he’ll try to tone it down

he just wants you to be comfortable

always trying to teach you things

tried teaching you dirty phrases in thai but kun-mama found out and shut that shiz down real quick

moved on to teach you choreographies

it’s both fun and has the kun stamp of approval

you both try out every genre of dance under the sun

enjoys ballroom dancing with you, particularly when you both waltz around the room perfectly to the beat

keeps trying to get you into salsa dancing so he can see your hidden sexy side

a brat when you don’t listen to him

his all-time favorite dances are the ones where you two essentially just mess around

sometimes you both watch tik toks and try to learn the dances

tries to follow the dance to candy by doja cat because he loves the part where he can throw it back when she says “sweet spot”

wants you to do it with him and record it

will beg

if you do, he won’t stop talking about it

if you don’t, he won’t stop talking about it

essentially it’s a lose-lose

on another note, when he teaches you new choreographies, he’s very supportive and helps you when you struggle

never tells you directly what you did wrong (if you do anything wrong), but gives you hints so you can figure it out yourself and learn

gives you hugs when he feels you’ve done a good job (which is every time you dance tbh)

tries to kiss your cheeks in congratulations

“c’mon let me give you a kith!~”

==≎==

WinWin

the fans think he hates you

and when you first met him, you thought so too

but he was just a shy bean because he wanted to seem like a cool guy

he’s someone you can trust with your life

you two just click in a way that doesn’t need words

not going to name names yuta and taeil but people are jealous of the close bond you two share even though you haven’t known each other for long

many say you’re soulmates

he doesn’t do much with you because he just likes to relax on his days off, so he prefers when you both get to hang out around the house

his favorite place to chill with you is on the floor of the kitchen

he’s not one to express when things make him upset or if there’s something on his mind

he tends to suppress his emotions until they get to be too much

so one time, everything got to that tipping point and he couldn’t help but sit on the kitchen floor and have a good cry

you found him just as the last tears were falling

you could see he had been off the days leading up to that moment so you understood the reason

you sat next to him and wrapped one of his hands up in both of yours, much to his surprise because he had previously thought he was home alone

you both sat there in silence until he rested his head on your shoulder and thanked you in his tiny voice

now, whenever you guys hang out, you sit in that same spot on the floor

sometimes you sit in silence, other times you explode with conversation, sharing hushed complaints or secrets

and you always hold hands, sicheng demands it (silently)

in conclusion, winwin is the best boy and just likes to vibe with you

“you. me. kitchen floor therapy.”

==≎==

Lucas

one word to describe lucas with you

adorable

a total puppy around you and always smiling. he will follow you around like ten but doesn’t want to be clingy

if he can’t see you, he’ll ask where you are without a doubt

if you’re right behind him when he’s asking about your location, surprise him with a hug and he’ll just melt

hug him in any form and he’ll melt actually, he just loves the feeling of your arms around him

that being said, he absolutely adores when you cuddle with him, hold him in your arms, or just sit next to him in general

*chicken hand meme*

lucas is a very touchy person and loves to be close to the ones he cares about

makes sure you sit next to him for e v e r y t h i n g so he can do what he does to everyone who sits next to him, make his hand look gigantic while resting on your knee or thigh

at first, you didn’t really know how to act when his hand just straight up blanketed your thigh at the airport while the group was waiting for a flight

you made a weird noise in the back of your throat that could have sounded like a moan if you really wanted it to

fans have the moment forever caught on camera and you hate it

you wished you would have reacted more,, calmly to the contact

people always talk about it (the number of twitter posts is insane)

you asked lucas why he does it and his explanation was so cute that you didn’t have the heart to tell him to stop

he said that it was his way of making sure that you were there and it comforts him when there are a lot of people around

however, nowadays you don’t even notice when he does it

you find his habits endearing and don’t even bother worrying about it because all he wants is to show you he cares

basically, lucas finds your presence comforting and wants you to know it,, subtly

“stick close to me, okay?”

==≎==

Xiao Jun

literally the sweetest to you

very quiet around you but you know he cares a lot through the way he acts

it’s like he can read your mind, that’s how in tune he is with your emotions

another member that can read you like an open book

you feel the slightest chill and he’s already there with jackets or hoodies in any color under the sun

like a protective older brother

always ready to save you from yangyang

he confessed it was something he enjoyed doing immensely  

one time in the summer, you and yangyang decided to have fun on a day off and play outside with water guns

whoever got shot first would lose

obviously, neither of you planned on losing so you played like you were in an american war movie

twenty minutes in, yangyang proposed a truce from behind his post and came out into the open

you didn’t trust him but you decided to let your guard down for just a second 

which was a mistake

yangyang wasted no time aiming at you and shooting in your direction, only for dejun to come out of nowhere and take the shot to the chest

he was very dramatic about it, though you all were at that moment

*cue actor xiao jun*

he coughed while he lay on the ground with a soaked shirt, you were quickly down by his side demanding why he did it

he conveys it was the right thing to do, and it was his time

*cue his “death” and you yelling at him*

you avenged him by spraying yangyang in the face when he was bent over laughing at the scene

xiao jun doesn’t have a designated favorite activity to do with you, he just likes being someone you can rely on to protect you

even if that includes being a human shield for yangyang’s pranks

“don’t worry, i’m here.”

==≎==

Hendery

the crackhead duo

the other group members look on in confusion when you guys start screeching about something

you find something that you both deem funny and then you go into your own world to make jokes and laugh about it

you both have random ticks that you do together

there are plenty of videos, and i mean plenty, where you and hendery are in the background doing something weird in complete synchronization

one video shows you and hendery sitting in the back of the car while kun and winwin sit in front of you

you made a weird noise by accident but hendery made one back so you both just nodded at each other at the same time like some unspoken agreement was come across

another video of you guys exploring tourist attractions shows you and hendery doing a random dance together in the background before you both stop and point to a digital billboard with wayv on it in sync

it weirds the other members out but they don’t question it

another member that people think you’re soulmates with

there are times when you say the same thing at the same time, or hendery starts a sentence and you finish it

both of you don’t even acknowledge when it happens, but the group goes wild every time

especially lucas

he finds it to be the coolest thing in the world

loves, loves, loves going to the studio with you to just mess around when you are supposed to be working on the important stuff

you both come up with a new handshake each week to show the guys

the current one is at least thirty seconds long

you two are almost always live on one platform or another, just messing around and talking to fans

you show off your handshake of the week and then get right into dancing to random songs

sometimes you have a chill live (with the handshake as an opener ofc) and answer fans questions 

hendery loves to talk so you guys get way off-topic after each question but neither of you minds

admires when you get excited about anything

has the biggest smile on his face whenever you speak and his eyes never leave your face

always ready to hug you and be super extra when you get serious or act cute in any shape or form

your biggest fan and will not let you speak badly about yourself

“were we twins in our past lives?”

==≎==

YangYang

he’s a brat, but you can’t help but love him

constantly trying to prank you

and find something to roast you about

you prank him back and roast him just as much though

sometimes you team up to prank the other members but even then you both watch your backs in the event of a sudden betrayal

prank wars are common and most of the time kun-mama has to step in to get you two to chill out because you’re supposed to be working professionals

yangyang always whines and says something along the lines of, “as expected from the old man to shut down the kids’ fun.”

you laugh every time because kun’s offended expression is pure comedy gold, but you always hug the poor guy after

you both quote memes and have a plethora of inside jokes that none of the other members get

the amount of unique roasts you both come up with is crazy

you find time between all the pranks and calm periods, to play the game where you go back and forth with savage phrases, replying “of course”

moments of peace are rare but when they come around, you and yangx2 are the cutest, most relaxed babies to ever be baby

though he would never admit it to your face in a million years, his favorite moments with you are the ones where you come across a truce and you both let your guards down enough to be extra clingy

you either hang out in his room or yours and relax on your bed

you watch movies, play games, have deep talks about the future, wrestle and play fight, or even nap if you’re both up for it 

though make sure you wake up first because yangyang won’t hesitate to draw on your face

sometimes he forces you to lay on his chest so he can hold you close

will become a flustered mess if you try to get him to be the little spoon or even mention how cute he is for wanting to cuddle

he will complain about your teasing but doesn’t do much about it except tickle you

“come on, just let me like,,, relax or something!”

[acotarauweek]

Day 7: Free AU

Publishing Date: 15/12/19

What is a Free AU?

Free AU day means you can write for any au your heart desires. 

Below we have included a ridiculous amount of prompts for popular AUs that have not been featured in ACOTAR AU WEEK. You do not have to write for the AUs listed below, they are simply there to help anyone who is stuck and needs inspiration. Also, please feel free to use this list anytime you need! Thank you for being so patient with the reveals, we are so excited and can’t wait to see everyone’s work! Keep an eye on the blog as we will be sharing information about posting and answering any questions that may come our way.

Tags to use: #acotar au week day 7 #day 7 free au #acotar au week

Prompts under cut:

Royal AU:

“Your Queen recently died and shit we STILL can’t get married cause of our statuses damn it.”

bonus: “I’m the one who hired the assassin, well that’s a month’s worth of gold down the drain.”

“I’m not YOUR bodyguard but damn you’re fine.”

bonus: “The person I’m actually guarding is trying to hook us up, shit…”

“Haha, it’s cute that you think I need to be guarded. Or that you can keep track of me.”

bonus: “HOW DID YOU KNOW ABOUT MY SECRET EXITS?!”

“I’ve been recently crowned king and I’m expected to choose a wife or husband soon. Oh what they don’t care about the gender but as soon as I want to marry my bodyguard my mother is threatening to disown me!”

“As a bodyguard, I should really be discouraging your budding feelings for me. Except, you know, I have them too and I was never very good at my job anyway.”

“I DON’T CARE IF IT’S AN ARRANGED MARRIAGE WE NEED TO STOP THIS ‘RELATIONSHIP’ RIGHT NOW.” “Oh, so you want to throw away everything that happened these past few months? Fine.“

“Good news, I think I’m the missing royal child. Bad news, that means we might have to break up.”

“My wife wants a baby even though we just got married last week and met the week before that, and I don’t know how to tell her I’m gay.” “Want me to tell her?” “Please don’t.”

“Sire, please stop flirting with me in front of your potential suitors. It’s making it very hard for you to get married.” “Yeah, that’s the point.”

“… Excuse me, did you just propose to your bodyguard, sire?” “Yes. Is there something wrong?” “Except for the fact that you’re doing it at your wife’s funeral, no.”

More Royal AU prompts!

Teacher AU:

no wonder why you’re the football coach damn you’re fit au

you’re so wrong i’m going to stop my lecture to tell you why au

*aggressively argues for whose team is better even though they’re completely different sports* au

our students think we’re dating au

a student catches us texting to each other in class oh how the tables have turned au

we leave each other notes on the blackboards au

someone’s taking my lunches au

our classrooms are adjacent to each other and we can always see each other through the door windows au

i will yell at you even though both our doors are closed to shut up your class jesus christ au

our students see us leave the same car in the morning and guess what they think au

i’m the drama teacher and you’re the only who can actually act help me demonstrate this love scene to my students au

More Teacher AU prompts!

Fake Dating AU:

I brought you as my friend but my parents read our closeness as dating and only gave us one bed to share.

I had a bad week and I can’t decide what kind of cake I want so I want to do the wedding cake samples at the cake store but I need to do it with someone. Quick- Do you like cake and can you hold my hand?

I may or may not have told everyone we were dating i panicked bc i was the only single one at the time

there’s this creepy person that’s asking me out over text and could you pretend to be my significant other?

shit couples get 40% off??? hold my hand i’m getting that discount

everyone thinks we’re dating why don’t we pretend and then break up so people will finally get off our backs. foolproof plan except i didn’t expect to fall for you

i got stood up on a date and you were just grabbing dinner- shit my ex is here, sit down and pretend to laugh at something i said attractive stranger

More Fake Dating AU prompts!

Celebrity/Famous AU:

I really can’t sing please don’t pull me onstage AU

You’re my favorite singer and I won the chance to meet you this is so cool AU

You’re my favorite singer and I ran into you on the street/at the grocery store/at karaoke night AU

‘you’re a celebrity incognito trying to hide from paparazzi and you’re sitting right next to me and i’m the only one that recognizes you’ au

Some fans are chasing me please let me hide here,  i’ll pay you back, promise AU

You’re a famous singer, I’m your personal driver and you’re an absolute pain in the ass.

You’re a famous singer, I’m your personal driver and I always have to save your ass when you get in trouble at some party.

You’re my favorite celebrity, I know everything about you and my apartment is covered in your pictures, I dream about you all the time, but I’m not a stalker, I swear… okay, maybe I do have a little problem.

You’re an actor, you play a villain on this show and everyone hates you, but I’ll defend you to the death.

You’re a rock star and I’m your drug dealer, I shouldn’t care you’re fucking up your life, but I kinda do.

You’re a famous author and I’m your neighbor, I suspect the main character in your books is me, but I was too shy to ask, but now you killed me, I mean - in the books, and I lost my shit and went to yell at you because WHY???

You’re a famous politician and I’m that one journalist who asked that one question that possibly ruined your career, I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to.

You’re a former famous model with an eating disorder and I’m your therapist.

You’re a rock star and I’m the cop always going to your apartment when people complain about the loud parties you throw.

You’re a celebrity and I’m that one cop who pulled you over and gave you a fine and had no idea who you were, until I googled your name and holy crap, I should have asked for an autograph.

You’re a famous singer who’s almost got killed by a crazy fan, now you suffer from anxiety and don’t want to leave your apartment, I’m the person bringing you food and stuff, and I might be the only one you trust.

You’re a famous politician, I’m the detective with the task of protecting you, you were refusing to leave the building when I got the order to get you out, so I knocked you out and carried you out, now you’re going to sue me, I’m quite sure of that.

You’re a bored former rock star, I’m the escort you called and man, your place is a mess, don’t you want to do something about it before we fuck?

You’re a famous fashion designer, I used to be your favorite model but now you told me I gained too much weight and you don’t want me anymore and I’m crushed, I thought you liked me for more than my body.

You’re a famous YouTuber and I’m just starting my channel, but I sort of ridiculed you in one of my videos and now people laugh at you and you hate me.

You’re a famous person and I’m the actor supposed to play you in a movie.

You’re a famous singer who was jailed because of drunk driving and I’m your cellmate for the night, also I’m your biggest fan.

We are both actors on a well-known TV show and our characters have to kiss AU

“You’re a celebrity and I’m a paparazzo, sorry friend I have to take pictures of you to pay my rent next month” AU

I would include more celebrity AUs but this is a long list and I actually couldn’t find anymore (although I’m sure there are more, I just can’t find them)

Other AUs you could write for:

Single parent AU

Soulmate AU

Magic AU // Modern Magic AU

Criminal AU

1,001 AU Prompts here!

A-Z List of AUs

AU PROMPTS: MASTERLIST OF LISTS

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[flowery-mess]

Night ride | Ethan Dolan

My very first Ethan imagine inspired by the concept I got✨

‘Let’s take a ride somewhere.’

Your phone lit up with message from Ethan. Needed to say that it was 1AM and you were laying in your bed in your PJ’s.

‘U serious???’

‘Yeah can’t sleep, Grayson’s deadly asleep and m’bored.’

‘u r crazy aren’t u’

‘’ll be there in ten ;)’

“Oh my god who am I friends with.” You said out loud to yourself while climbing out of your bed. As it was said, you had only your sleeping shorts and t-shirt on, but it was just Ethan so why changing into something normal? He’s not just Ethan. He’s the guy you met nearly year ago at some workshop for editing and directing. He was there with Grayson, they wanted to improve their videos and you wanted more than just your college classes. Long story short, he bumped into your camera and it fell on the floor, you both went to pick it up and boom, there you are with the twins being one of your closest friends. You love Gray for sure, but there’s always been something more about Ethan. We all know how extra he can be and he’s for sure extra when you’re around. But not extra like we can see in videos, but more like shy but also extra you know? He tries to be funny when you’re around, but in a cute way, not to look silly. But you love when he’s silly. He’s one of the funniest people you have ever met and having sleepovers at the Dolan place is one of your favourite things to do.

He knew, you knew and everyone knew that you could never say no to him, even if it was 1AM and he would like to go for a ride. So here you are, standing at your door waiting for him to text you he’s down.

You didn’t change your outfit, you just took an old sweatshirt out of your closet, put your sneakers on and put your hair in bun.

‘I am here’ you read on your phone, locked the door and headed outside.

It was chill night in LA, just right for the sweatshirt you brought. He was waiting in his jeep right in front of the complex you lived in and waiting for you to jump in.

“Hey.”

“Hey.”

He was wearing a red shorts, typical, and black sweatshirt. His eyes were sleepy and hair messy. Proof of that he tried to sleep.

“So where are you taking me at this time Dolan?” You put your seatbelt on and turned to look at him.

“I have no idea, but I know you like night drives so we’re just going to drive out of town somewhere I guess?” he lifted one of his eyebrows as if he was asking for approval.

“Okay, sounds good.”

He started the car and you begin your night trip.

He had music on, probably his spotify playlist which you weren’t fan of, because if there is something you and the twins have not the same taste in, it’s music. You can agree here and there, but most of the times it’s rock, paper and scissors to decide who’s going to be DJ that time.

And when this song you really hate from the bottom of your heart comes on, Ethan simply says “You can change it if you want. Put your playlist on or something.”

He said it quietly. No one is used to Ethan talking in this tone. It seemed like the problem with falling asleep wasn’t the only thing that bothered him.

“Okay.” You said in a quite tone too. You could sense he’s sad. Or mad? Angry? Tired? You didn’t know exactly, but you wanted to figure it out so you could help him to get in better mood.

“How was your day?” You started with simple question as the first song of your playlist started.

“Good. Yours?”

“Fine. I had some classes, then I had lunch with Bella. Do you remember how I told you she’s dating that stupid football player and how did I say he’s going to break her heart? Guess what happened.” You turned around to see his facial expression or something at least similar to smile. And he did. He did at least tried to smile, but you knew that if you wouldn’t be looking at him he wouldn’t even do that.

“Nevermind, I had to deal with her crying for like two hours, don’t want to talk about all of that again. What about Gray? Did he got the new tattoo he was talking about?”

“Yeah yesterday.”

“Cool.” After that you both went to silence. Even without talking you could sense something is not right. You really wanted to talk with him, to ask him about his day, how’s Lisa doing, when they are going to visit New Jersey and many other things. So you tried again. But what you got? One word answers.

“Okay Ethan, what’s up?”

“What are you talking about?”

“I can feel something is up with you, why don’t you talk to me. If you wanted to have silent ride you could just go by yourself.”

“I’m sorry Y/N. I’m not in the mood really.”

“Yeah I can see.” You crossed your arms on your chest and looked out of your window.

“Where are we going?” you asked.

“There should be an caffee opened nonstop in like thirty minutes.”

“Okay.”

You drove for another ten minutes, but still couldn’t let it go of your mind.

“Ethan if something is bothering you, you can always talk to me you know that right?”

“Yes.”

“So please just don’t keep it to yourself. Whatever it is saying it loud could help you.”

Another silence as an answer. Another ten minutes of driving. Until your favourite song came up.

 Well, I will call you darlin' and everything will be okay. 'Cause I know that I am yours and you are mine. Doesn't matter anyway. In the night, we'll take a walk, it's nothin' funny. Just to talk.

The last sentence expressed how you were feeling. You wanted just to talk. You wanted Ethan to tell you everything what’s on his mind until you both couldn’t talk anymore.

Put your hand in mine, you know that I want to be with you all the time. You know that I won't stop until I make you mine. You know that I won't stop until I make you mine, until I make you mine.

You silently singed under your nose. You thought Ethan couldn’t hear you, but he could and it just made everything harder for him.

Well, I have called you darlin' and I'll say it again, again. So kiss me 'til I'm sorry, babe, that you are gone and I'm a mess. And I'll hurt you and you'll hurt me and we'll say things we can't repeat.

You thought about the lyrics. You and Ethan had called each other pet names many times. ‘Oh darling what would you like for breakfast today?’ you smiled about this memory, when you slept over their place and the night before you and Grayson made bet about Ethan making you both breakfast. Grayson said he won’t, you said he will. And you won. Until that morning every time you or him were making breakfast you used this phrase. Every time he called you darling, it felt like something inside you erupted but you didn’t know what. You didn’t know what you were feeling towards this boy sitting next to you at all.

“Okay fuck it.” You heard Ethan said and it made you wake up from your little day dreaming. He suddenly pulled to the side and stopped the jeep. Turned the radio down and turned towards you.

“You want to know what’s on my mind? You. You are always in my head and that’s why I couldn’t sleep tonight. And this song, this stupid song. I know how much you love it and I hate it because it tells exactly how I am feeling. I have called you darling so many times that it drives me crazy you don’t take it seriously. Did you never notice me staring at you?” he asked and looked right into your eyes and slowly reached for your hand.

“I can’t be this way anymore. I understand if you don’t feel the same, but I need to let it go from my heart. I need you to know that. That I love your sense of humour, your directing and editing skills, your cooking skills, how talking to you when I can’t sleep can suddenly make me sleepy, how you look when you can’t take the shot you really want. I love when you sing and dance even if you are really bad at it.” After all those things he said he wasn’t looking sad anymore, he was smiling and his eyes were shining. Needed to say that you were in shock. You didn’t expect this at all when he texted you if you want to go for a ride.

“So what am I trying to say is that I am in love with you. I love you Y/N.” After those last words you were speechless. Your confusion about what you feel towards this boy that just let his heart out to you became more clear. You were pretty sure that you felt pretty similiar feelings for him.

“I, Ethan, I don’t know what to say I didn’t expected this at all.” His eyes lost some of the little starts in them when you said this. His hand slowly lost the grip on yours.

“No no no wait.” You reached for his hand back and took it into both of yours.

“I am not saying I don’t feel the same I just wasn’t prepared to share it with you like right now you know?”

“You don’t have to feel the same way Y/N, I just wanted to finally tell you.” He whispered.

“I know.” You rested one of your hands on his cheek and leaned until you foreheads were touching.

“I am not going to lie it’s hard for me to express what I am feeling. But I like you. I like you too much that I think I am in love with you.” You paused your little speech as you felt his lips brush over yours.

“Can I kiss you?” he did this little gesture that made you smile. He asked, because he wasn’t sure if you really love him or if you just said it so he wouldn’t feel embarassed. It made you smile. So with this lovely smile you nodded your head yes and leaned in.

You could feel the fireworks going through you body. After the kiss you rested foreheads against each other and you could see the biggest smile on his face. Finally.

“I love you Ethan.”

[bumblebet-20]

What we left behind

5sos x reader

warnings: swearing, divorce, angst (oh so much).

A/N: GUYS OMG THIS IS MY VERY FIRST SERIES AND IM SOOOO EXCITED :3

Couldn't have done this without my boo @aspiringwildfire

-FLASHBACK-

“Happy Birthday, Enid!” Everyone yells after I blow out the candles, tossing up confetti they held in their hands.

“What did you wish for, Ed?” Calum asks, face covered in frosting from the chocolate cupcake.

“You know I can’t tell you, Cal!” I giggle slightly, turning towards the slice of strawberry cake in front of me.

“I can’t believe my baby is 7 today!” My mum says, suddenly behind me and nearly squeezing the life out of me.

“Hey, Ed! Let’s go play!” Michael exclaims on the other side of the yard, holding a yellow ball in his hands. A quick giggle escapes my lips as I quickly move out of my mum’s arms, running over to where he stands, followed by Calum and Luke.

“Be careful of your dress honey!” My mum hollers as we chase the ball, her words barely reach my ears as I focus on beating the other team.

We played football until the sun set, the only time we took a break was when people left and I had to say goodbye to them. Daryl came out and brought us inside for dinner, only us four and our parents remain to finish the celebrations.

“Eat up kids, we’ll set up the tent in a bit.“Liz says, setting down a box containing a large Cheese pizza in front of us.

-After finishing the pizza and getting the tent set up, we settle in our sleeping bags, the only source of light being the lantern in the middle of our circle.“Did you have a fun birthday?” Michael asks, stopping his game of ‘Crazy Eights’ with Calum.“

I had a blast! You three made it great” “

Aw, Ed! We’ll always be here to make your birthday awesome” Luke exclaims, pulling me into a tight hug. The others soon join, causing a dog pile and loud laughs to erupt from all of us.

Once the laughter calmed down and we resumed our previous games, a thought ran through my head “Hey guys? Can we all agree to remain friends no matter what?” 

“Of course! Nothing will tear us apart” Calum says, earning agreement ‘yeahs’ “We’re gonna be best friends for life!” Luke hollers

.-10 years later (2012)-“Come on,Becks! We can’t miss this!” I exclaim, grabbing the hand of my best friend, weaving through the crowd outside the building and stopping in front of the stage, waving at the boys while they are getting their instruments ready.

“Oh! Here are our seats” She points to a round table filled with chairs right in front, our names scribbled on paper. 

“Hey girls,”Joy says, taking a seat in her designated chair, Mali following right behind her. 

“Everyone else is right behind us, “Mali says, motioning to the door where the familiar heads of the Hemmings’ bobs over everyone else.

-

Once everyone got settled in their chairs, Luke taps the microphone lightly.

“Hello, we are Five Seconds of Summer and welcome to our show!” Luke says into the microphone, earning a round of applause and a ‘whoop’ from me.

“1,2,3,4!” Ashton exclaims before the music begins, filling the nearly empty space with the beginning of ‘Unpredictable’. My foot starts to tap at the beat, unable to contain my smile when Lukes’ voice fills the room.

“She sit at home with the lights out” Rebecca sings lowly next to me.

“Seeing life in different colours” We finish together, pretending our hands are microphones.

-

“Thank you for coming! This has been Five Seconds of Summer! Good night!” Luke exclaims into the mic before walking off stage.

“Alright, let’s go see our boys,“Liz says as she stands up and heads to the doors where the boys went off from.

“Mum!”  Luke exclaims, running to her once we all enter their changing room. All the boys greet their families before I’m swiftly picked up by Ashton and spun around.

“Alright,put her down before you hurt someone, “My mum says, stopping Ashton from spinning my brains out and gently places me on solid ground.

“So, food anyone?” David receives shouts of agreement in return.The parents walked ahead to the cars while we took our time heading out.

“Oh boys! I made some gifts for you” I dig around my bag before finding the plastic baggy, taking out four bright bracelets, each one having a letter for each boy. Rebecca takes two and puts them on the right boy’s wrist.

“Are these friendship bracelets?” Michael asks, twirling around the orange one on his wrist.

“Yeah. I just thought that you boys are gonna make it big someday and I just- don’t  want you to forget about the little people” I awkwardly shuffle my feet across the concrete floor, suddenly feeling embarrassed that I even did this.

“I love it! What better way to signify our friendship than with a bracelet!” Ashton tugs me into a hug, squeezing me tightly.

“Alright you kids, let’s go!” Liz says from the end of the corridor, motioning with her hand to come.

“We better go, don’t want an angry Liz on our hands” Calum comments as we all walk towards the door.

[1 month later]

I hum quietly as I braid Becks hair, the two of us deciding to have a sleepover at my house.

“Have you been watching the videos they upload? They’re gaining a lot of views” She says quietly, busy drawing in her sketchbook.

“I know, it's about time people realize their talent”

A knock on my window makes us jump as we turn to it and see Calum’s face pressed against it.

“Cal, what are you doing?” I question once he’s inside.

“ You won’t believe the news we just got” Becks and I share a confused look before returning our attention to the bouncing boy.

“Well? Spill dude” Calum gives her an unamused look, but continues to bounce.

“Okay so we’ve been getting a good number of views on our covers and earlier we got an email asking if we’d be interested in opening for this group-”

“What group?” Rebecca asks, curiosity getting the better of both of us.

“One Direction” Both our jaws drop at the name.

“That’s amazing Cal! I told you you boys would get famous one day!”

“We sign the contract tomorrow and start working out a setlist”

“When do you guys leave?” Calum nervously swallowed at the question.

“Three months” I feel my heart drop at how soon they’ll be leaving.

“Senior year starts in three months…”

“We know, but this is such a great opportunity and this is the boost we need to become famous”

“I’m so happy for you guys!”I exclaim overly eager, earning an odd look from Rebecca.

“We just knew you would be!” He flashes us his award winning smiling before slipping back out the window.

“Alright, spill. That was such a fake congratulations.”

“I’m- I’m happy for them”I fiddle with the brush I was holding.

“Bull. Shit. I’ve never seen more forced joy than right there.”

“What’s gonna happen when they leave for tour? We’re gonna stay behind while they go off and make a name for themselves.” 

“Aren’t you happy that they got this opportunity? This is what they want” I sit on the edge of my bed and she joins, placing a hand on my shoulder.

“Yeah but- I can’t help but think that it was supposed to us 6. Forever. No one and nothing can come between us”

“They’re still your boys. Now-” She stands, grabbing my hands on the way. “Let’s go get some ice cream and watch movies.. We can deal with this later” I laugh but follow her out to the kitchen.

[5 months later]

“Any response yet?” I simply shake my head at my mum’s question, returning to the book I was reading. “They’ll text back. Just got to be patient honey.”

“Yeah” I reopen IMessage and all texts to them since they left have all been left on read and I can’t figure out why. “I’m going to hang out with Rebecca for a bit” I say after reading her text, receiving a simple ‘mhm’ from my mum.

<

“And they haven’t even said a simple ‘hi’ or ‘ thanks’?” Rebecca questions, popping a crisp in her mouth.

“Nothing. Did- Did I do something? Should I have sent mail or-”

“Ed stop. You did nothing wrong, okay? They’re hormonal teenage boys, we should really expect this behavior.. But that by no means excuses their rudeness.” I go quiet, opting to play with my sandwich.

“They’re performing in Sydney in two weeks.. I was thinking of stopping by” I casually say, not looking up from the food.

“Alright.” I look up at her, shocked by her response. “I don’t agree with this idea but I’m not not gonna let you do this- definitely not alone.” She puts her hand over my own, offering a soft smile. “Now. About this Art assignment”

\night of concert\

“Okay, the plan is as follows: we go to the concert. Park where we see tour buses and wait. Find the boys and talk. Ending the night with pizza, candy and scary movies at my place.”

“Sounds like a well thought out plan.” I take one last look at myself, adjusting my top before turning to my brunette friend. “Ready?”

“Ready” We loop arms, skipping the whole way to her car.

..

“Damn, they are loud” Becks jokingly says from our position against the car, listening to our boys play.

“They sound good (feels good hehe :D)” I comment, pushing some of the gravel around with the toe of my combat boots.

We remain in a comfortable silence until the doors swing open and familiar voices fill the air. I look over at her, wide eyed.

“Now or never babe”

“What do I-”

“Hey boys!” She screams, making them all turn around, alarmed looks on their faces.

“Uh- Hi” Luke says, waving awkwardly in our direction.

“Enid here would like to talk to you boys. In private”She nudges me forward and I take timid steps to them.

“Let’s go in the bus” Ashton opens the door for everyone before closing it behind him.

“So-”

“Why’d you guys do it? Why did you just up and ignore me?” They nervously look at one another before Calum steps forward.

“We- uh got busy?”

“If you wanted to still be my friend you would’ve made an effort” I state, crossing my arms across my chest.

“We do it’s just that-” Luke begins but I cut him off, anger starting to run in my veins,

“What happened to ‘remain friends no matter what’”?

“You don’t understand, our life is so crazy now! We still consider you a friend, not best friend but, friends. Why are you still upset about this? It’s not like we completely abandoned you” Michael says from his position in a chair.

“ You couldn’t say ‘hey thanks!’ when I congratulated you?”

“Yeah bu-” Ashton tries but I cut him off.

“You could’ve tried.. But you ALL decided I wasn’t worth the effort!” I take a few slow breaths to try and keep calm “I tried to keep this friendship when you guys left but, not much I can do when you won’t even try”

“We still want a friendship. It’s just gonna be a little different now” Ashton says, taking timid steps towards me.

“No. If you wanted a friendship you would’ve kept up with it. None of you even reached out when my parents went through a horrible divorce. I really needed my best friends support but I got nothing.”

“We didn’t know your parents divorced Ed” Michael explains, all four of them clearly looking distressed.

“Stop. Stop right now. Our parents all still talk so you would’ve been told about it but sure, let’s play dumb. Also, that nickname is reserved for close friends and none of you are that.”

“ Alright,let’s all calm down and think about this rationally.” Ashton says, trying to mediate the best he can.

“I’ve already said everything that I wanted.Goodbye” I quickly leave the bus, practically diving into the passenger seat.

“How did it go?” At the sound of her voice I immediately break down in tear, sobs shaking my whole body. “Oh honey no shh” She brings me into her side, rocking us slowly. “They didn’t deserve your friendship. You’re too kind and you need someone who will love you for yourself and not make you cry like this.”

“I’ll never trust them again” 

- 

AND THAT’S PART 1 HOLY SHIT I’M SO EXCITED. please let me know your thoughts but be nice cause I’m a small bean :3

[ludicrousperson]

Get To Know Me Questions (Very long)

thanks for tagging me bubs @meeresnaechte <3

1. What is your first name? Michelle

2. What is your nickname? Michi, Ischi, E.T., Valera

3. What is your zodiac sign? Aries

4. What is your favorite book series? Definitely the Harry Potter Book Series

5. Do you believe in aliens or ghosts? I believe in ghosts but not really in aliens? The term ‘aliens’ is so stigmatized, that I don’t support this term and it’s definition. But somehow I slightly believe that humans are not the only ones in space.

6. Who is your favorite author? Haruki Murakami

7. What is your favorite radio station? I don’t really listen to radio, but when I do, I skip along through every station while driving car.

8. What is your favorite flavor of anything? I love to try the variety of all the flavors, but my go to flavor is definitely chocolate hehe.

9. What word would you use often to describe something great or wonderful? Lovely or Cute/Adorable. I love it when something or someone is just themselves and it’s so pure and lovely and I want to give it/them all my heart.

10. What is your current favorite song? Don’t Settle - Ben Kyle

11. What is your favorite word? It may seem so casual but the word ‘Thanks’ or ‘Thank you’ (‘Danke’ in German) holds so much power and lots meaning. For me it is another way to express my thankfulness and love I hold for my friends and family. ‘Thank you for seeing me’, ‘Thank you for making me laugh’, ‘Thank you.’.

12. What was the last song you listened to? I am You - Stray Kids

13. What TV show would you recommend for everybody to watch? Breaking Bad, Narcos, Stranger Things & Goblin (KDrama).

14. What is your favorite movie to watch when you’re feeling down? Harry Potter and the Prisoner of Azkaban & Therapie (by DieAussenseiter, German Youtuber).

15. Do you play video games? Currently I play ‘The Last of Us’. But rather than playing I really loooove to watch Let’s Plays of for example ‘Detroit: Become Human’, ‘Resident Evil’ aaand so on.

16. What is your biggest fear? Darkness & Loneliness. 

17. What is your best quality, in your opinion? I can be really spontaneous and would steal a car to drive to the ocean just for one hour so we can watch the sunset. Also I am really honest. You did something bad that’s not quite acceptable? Let’s talk it out and I will stay by your side to help you change your thinking/behavior or simply your mistake (vice versa counts for me).

18. What is your worst quality, in your opinion? My mind. I get nervous and tell myself that I am weird and that I am just annoying. That happens even when I am with my closest friends. Plus, I am sometimes very hot tempered. In a conflict I want to understand what my opposite thinks and what their opinion is, but it turns into me shouting quite fast.

19. Do you like cats or dogs better? Honestly I like both, but since I am allergic to cats, I love and praise doggos.

20. What is your favorite season? Spring Spring Spring and a bit of Autumn.

21. Are you in a relationship? No.

22. What is something you miss from your childhood? I miss that my parents never lived together and that I have never seen them together in one room.

23. Who is your best friend? I have 3. One I met through the Internet in 2013. One I met in school 4 years ago and that I didn’t like at the beginning and one who reached out to me in 2017.

24. What is your eye color? Brown

25. What is your hair color? Brown

26. Who is someone you love? My friends and my granny

27. Who is someone you trust? My friends

28. Who is someone you think about often? Someone who I can share my happiness with but haven’t met yet.

29. Are you currently excited about/for something? I am always excited for the little things. But right now I am lowkey excited for what this semester in University will gift me.

30. What is your biggest obsession? Music & Photography

31. What was your favorite TV show as a child? Spongebob and Disneys Recess

32. Who of the opposite gender can you tell anything to, if anyone? I have more male friends than female friends and I can talk as openly to them as to my female friends.

33. Are you superstitious? Slightly

34. Do you have any unusual phobias? I wouldn’t count it as a phobia but I get panicked as soon as I see too many people around me.

35. Do you prefer to be in front of the camera or behind it? Behind it. I love to capture the pure beauty of the nature and of my friends being themselves. I want to capture their beauty forever, even when ways start to split. The memories won’t disappear.

36. What is your favorite hobby? Photography.

37. What was the last book you read? Ein Kind - Thomas Bernhard

38. What was the last movie you watched? Annabelle 3. Saturday at a drive-in cinema with my best friend and her friends.

39. What musical instruments do you play, if any? I can’t play one but I am trying to learn the piano.

40. What is your favorite animal? Whales, Koalas and Birds.

41. What are your top 5 favorite Tumblr blogs that you follow? Definitley @loewen-gebruell, kuss an dich

42. What superpower do you wish you had? Teleportation & Invisibility

43. When and where do you feel most at peace? At the ocean. Just watching the waves and the sun and the wind and the people. It feels like time stops while time is running by.

44. What makes you smile? When other people are happy, doesn’t matter if it’s because of me or because of something/someone else.

45. What sports do you play, if any? Zumba/Dancing, Handball and Badminton.

46. What is your favorite drink? Waaaaater

47. When was the last time you wrote a hand-written letter or note to somebody? For my best friend on her birthday as a present in May.

48. Are you afraid of heights? A bit, depends on my current anxiety level haha

49. What is your biggest pet peeve? Aggressiveness. I am so afraid if people get aggressive. 

50. Have you ever been to a concert? Yes. K.I.Z. in Essen & Monsta X in Berlin.

51. Are you vegan/vegetarian? No.

52. When you were little, what did you want to be when you grew up? I always wanted to teach or help children. Now I am trying to fulfill my wish into becoming a psychotherapist.

53. What fictional world would you like to live in? Aaaaaall the way Hogwarts.

54. What is something you worry about? I worry about my own future and about my family.

55. Are you scared of the dark? I am literally so scared when it gets dark. I need someone by my side to keep calm.

56. Do you like to sing? I love to sing and I would have already become a popular singer but sike my voice sucks so bad I don’t even like to speak in general because of my voice.

57. Have you ever skipped school? Yes hehe

58. What is your favorite place on the planet? Wherever I know I am not going to stay forever.

59. Where would you like to live? I want to live in so many countries, but I am afraid to settle down somewhere for the rest of my life.

60. Do you have any pets? No.

61. Are you more of an early bird or a night owl? Early bird, but lately I am more a night owl uhu

62. Do you like sunrises or sunsets better? Sunrises. Even though I find sunsets so surprisingly beautiful, I cherish sunrises a lot more. My heart feels like ‘here we are, leave it behind, you had time, it is a new start, you can do it in your own pace’ and it just feels warm.

63. Do you know how to drive? Yes and it’s the only thing I am 100% confident in lol

64. Do you prefer earbuds or headphones? Earbuds.

65. Have you ever had braces? Yes I had and I plan on getting some again.

66. What is your favorite genre of music? Ballads & a mix of EDM and POP

67. Who is your hero? May I say ‘Gronkh’?. He is a Youtuber and I watch him and his videos since I am 12. He has been with me for all the past years and he is still with me even though I am 20. His words always gave me courage and gave me what I never received from anyone else. He has a strong Father Role in my eyes.

68. Do you read comic books? No.

69. What makes you the most angry? Lies

70. Do you prefer to read on an electronic device or with a real book? A real book.

71. What is your favorite subject in school? German & Chemics

72. Do you have any siblings? Yes, 4 Half-Siblings, all younger than me.

73. What was the last thing you bought? A hoodie for the drive-in cinema at night.

74. How tall are you? 170 cm

75. Can you cook? Since I live on my own I cook a lot and I didn’t get food poisoned yet so I think I can cook.

76. What are three things that you love? Late Nights, Spontaneous Roadtrips & Laughs.

77. What are three things that you hate? Toxicity, Self-Centered People & Hate in general. 

78. Do you have more female friends or more male friends? More male friends.

79. What is your sexual orientation? Straight by now but I don’t care who I am going to fall in love with.

80. Where do you currently live? In Austria for my studies.

81. Who was the last person you texted? My bestie @meeresnaechte

82. When was the last time you cried? Yesterday night.

83. Who is your favorite YouTuber? Gronkh.

84. Do you like to take selfies? Depends if I need a new profilepic.

85. What is your favorite app? Spotify & Tumblr

86. What is your relationship with your parent(s) like? Not good at all. My father disappoints me and breaks my trust to him everytime I visit him and my mother tries to be my best friend since she can’t act as a mother.

87. What is your favorite foreign accent? Slavik and Australian.

88. What is a place that you’ve never been to, but you want to visit? Mongolia, Southern America and Antarctica.

89. What is your favorite number? 16

90. Can you juggle? No

91. Are you religious? I have been raised strongly catholic but I got myself out of this close minded thinking. Even though I don’t practice any religious “doings”, I try to compare my experiences with the religions opinion.

92. Do you find outer space or the deep ocean to be more interesting? The deep ocean. The deep ocean is all around us and is covering 71% of the world we live on. So many lives live deep down in the ocean we have never seen and it’s the most undiscovered place on earth.

93. Do you consider yourself to be a daredevil? No.

94. Are you allergic to anything? Cats, Dust & Wheat

95. Can you curl your tongue? No

96. Can you wiggle your ears? No

97. How often do you admit that you were wrong about something? 60% wrong, because I always try to see the good in someone and while not only hurting myself because of another disappointment, I hurt my closest friends as well.

98. Do you prefer the forest or the beach? The beach. But the forest has something magical that will always leave me stunned.

99. What is your favorite piece of advice that anyone has ever given you? “Do what makes you happy.”.

100. Are you a good liar? No and I don’t want to be.

101. What is your Hogwarts House? Hufflepuff

102. Do you talk to yourself? Most of the time since I live alone uhm

103. Are you an introvert or an extrovert? I am a situational extrovert.

104. Do you keep a journal/diary? No, my Tumblr Blog is my diary since 2013.

105. Do you believe in second chances? Yes.

106. If you found a wallet full of money on the ground, what would you do? Search for an ID and try to reach out to the person who lost it or give it straight to the owner of the place where I found the wallet or give it to the nearest police station.

107. Do you believe that people are capable of change? I have split opinions on it.

108. Are you ticklish? Yes.

109. Have you ever been on a plane? Yes.

110. Do you have any piercings? Yes, recently got a helix.

111. What fictional character do you wish was real? Neville from Harry Potter, just imagining him as a best friend wow

112. Do you have any tattoos? Yes a Plumeria on my right arm.

113. What is the best decision that you’ve made in your life so far? Not listening to others and making my own experiences.

114. Do you believe in karma? Yes.

115. Do you wear glasses or contacts? No.

116. Do you want children? Yes, 3 to 5 children, but only if I am financially stable and if I can rely on my partner.

117. Who is the smartest person you know? Smart is anyone who found a way to live happily.

118. What is your most embarrassing memory? I don’t want to get reminded ciao

119. Have you ever pulled an all-nighter? These dark circles under my eyes aren’t from sleeping.

120. What color are most of you clothes? Black & maybe some red here and there.

121. Do you like adventures? Always down for them, text me and I will show up at your front door with backpacks full of snacks and drinks and blankets let’s get it

122. Have you ever been on TV? No god thanks stay like this

123. How old are you? 20

124. What is your favorite quote? I have so many saved on my phone and written down in my notes, but one which I get reminded of most of the time is ”Erkennst du die nächste Gelegenheit, wenn sie passiert?” (”Do you see the next possibility when it’s happening?”).

125. Do you prefer sweet or savory foods? I have a sweet tooth but spicy food has a special place in my heart.

People I want to get to know better:  @perrfectly @kuntergrau-mohae @loewen-gebruell

[n0tth3l3tt3rk4y]

“Ghost Of You” Music Video Concept

To absolutely no one’s surprise, I’m really digging 5SOS’ new album, and when I heard “Ghost Of You,” I had an idea for a music video that completely crushed my soul and ruined any chance that I have at happiness, so, naturally, I had to share it with everyone on the internet. I originally had someone else in mind to play Ashton’s love interest, but for your reading pleasure and overall convenience, I wrote it in the second person so that you can picture yourself— not necessarily an ideal situation, but it sure makes it more emotionally taxing. You can picture whoever you’d like, though! The lyrics posted before each section of text are what I picture playing during that particular scene, timing-wise, if that makes sense. Feel free to play [and pause when necessary] as you listen. It makes it more painful. :-) (Also, trigger warnings are listed below. If you don’t want to feel like it’s been spoiled/you do not personally find them necessary, you may scroll past them!)

TRIGGER WARNINGS: death, grieving

—————————————————————

As the video starts, it’s silent except for the quiet sounds of Ashton in his home. He’s standing alone in the kitchen, hands spread on the counter, eyes focused on the sliding glass doors that lead to the backyard, looking at nothing in particular. Not far from him, the camera focuses on two coffee mugs on the counter, leaving Ashton and the kitchen blurred in the background. It’s clear that they’ve been sitting there for a long time; one has a pale pink lip print on the rim of it. The camera doesn’t move, but it does move its focus back on Ashton, who is now staring angrily at the mug before he closes his eyes, swallows, and collects himself, head hanging low. When he reopens his eyes and looks at the mug again, the anger floods back to his features and he hastily grabs it. The rest of the shot— Ashton screaming and throwing the mug against the wall with all his might— is completely silent and in slow motion. Right before we see the mug hit the wall, the screen goes black and we hear the first guitar strums of “Ghost of You.”

“Here I am, waking up— still can't sleep on your side. There's your coffee cup, the lipstick stain fades with time. If I could dream long enough, you'd tell me I'd be just fine. I'll be just fine.”

As the singing begins, we see you and Ashton at a pool. It’s just the two of you and we hear nothing but the music, as we will for most of the video. You’re sitting on the edge with your feet in the water, wearing a swimsuit, sunglasses, and a sun hat. You’re reading a book while Ashton lounges around in the water. He starts touching the backs of your legs, wanting you to get in with him, but you just smile and playfully push him away. Ashton gets impatient and starts jokingly tugging on your legs now. You’re laughing, not really taking him seriously, still focused on your book. Then he splashes you. You gasp in shock, but Ashton just smiles mischievously. Even though we can’t actually hear you speak over the music, we can tell that you’re complaining about your book getting wet as you try to dry it off. Ashton’s just laughing and soon, you are, too. You finally give in and rip off your hat and sunglasses, lunging at him. You’re both in the water now, giggling and playing splashing like children, and Ashton somehow ends up behind you, arms wrapped around her torso and head on your shoulder. You stay like that for a while, admiring the view and enjoying each other’s company.

“So I drown it out, like I always do, dancing through our house with the ghost of you. And I chase it down with a shot of truth, dancing through our house with the ghost of you.”

The next shot is of you and Ashton sitting at the kitchen counter, coffee mugs nearby. You have your hair up, a pencil behind you ear, and your reading glasses on. You’re working on something important. Ashton is next to you, half-heartedly writing lyrics, mostly looking at you. His head is rested in his hand as he watches you take a sip of your coffee, leaving the same pale pink lip print that we saw in the beginning of the video, the camera focusing on it from the same angle as the beginning of the video. A piece of hair falls in your face as you type away on your laptop, and Ashton moves it back behind your ear in the sweetest way. You look at him as he does so, his fingers trailing down the side of your face, to your chin, then finally up to your lips. You lose focus for just a moment, then gently push his hand away, knowing what he’s getting at, adamant about finishing your essay. You go back to working, and Ashton gets up to stand up behind you and rub your shoulders. You, clearly stressed about whatever you’re working on, close your eyes and enjoy it, but, although we can’t actually hear you, we can sense your inner conflict as you whine his name in weak complaint. You really need to work. Then Ashton leans down and whispers something into your ear that we can’t quite make out before quickly swooping you up in his arms and throwing you over his shoulder. You are wide-eyed and squealing with laughter, and Ashton walks you back to their room. You’re protesting, but with no real conviction.

“Cleaning up today, I found that old Zepplin shirt you wore when you ran away and no one could feel your hurt. We're too young—too dumb— to know things like love... But I know better now. So I drown it out, like I always do, dancing through our house with the ghost of you. And I chase it down with a shot of truth, dancing through our house with the ghost of you.”

The next shot is of You and Ashton driving. You’re visiting your hometown and you’ve been running errands all day. You’re wearing an old Led Zepplin shirt and high waisted jeans. Arriving on the street of your childhood home, you park and attempt to fix your disheveled hair in the mirror, clearly not pleased with what you’re wearing or how you look seeing your entire family for the first time in so long. Ashton rolls his eyes playfully and grabs your chin to face him and we can tell that he tells you that you look fine. At that, you seem like you don’t really take it to heart, but you thank him anyway and give him a quick kiss on the cheek. When you enter the house, everyone is happy to see the two of you, of course— your cousins, your aunts and uncles, your grandparents, and especially your mother. Your distaste for your appearance is long forgotten. Besides, Ashton thinks you’re prettiest when you’re around the people that you love.

“Too young—too dumb— to know things like love. Too young, too dumb...”

Now we’re back to the pool— you and Ashton are back to playing and splashing. He goes under water to escape your relentless water attacks, and when he comes back up, you’re gone. He looks around, confused and wiping the water off of his face. Everything is as you left it. The camera focuses on the book and hat still on the side of the pool.

The next shot is in the kitchen, and we see you and Ashton with your coffee mugs and writing again. The camera, once again, focuses briefly on your lipstick-stained mug.This time, Ashton seems pretty into the lyrics that he’s writing-- moreso than he was in the parallel scene--, and it’s your turn to admire him. You go to stand beside him, arms around his neck, chin on his shoulder. You smile softly against his cheek, eyeing the paper, seeming to like whatever it is that he’s writing. The camera zooms in close on Ashton’s focused face and his frantic eyes following whatever it is he’s scribbling on the page. When he’s finished, he turns to acknowledge you, but when the camera zooms out, you’re gone. He isn’t confused the way the he was when you disappeared in the pool, just extremely hurt as he turns back around and continues writing. The camera zooms in on the page as he scribbles, “Ghost of You.”

In the next shot, we’re back at your childhood home, but the color tone is much different than the first time. It’s dark. It’s rainy and there’s absolutely no sunshine. Ashton is outside alone in a suit, tie undone, bags under his eyes, smoking a cigarette. He’s escaping something. All of your family members are there like they were last time, but they look drained, clad in all black. We see Ashton looking into the distance, lost in thought. The camera now closes up on the cigarette in his hand. From the side of the screen, we see your hand slowly and gently reach for his. This time, he doesn’t even try to convince himself that you’re there and that you’ll stay. He simply closes his eyes with deep breath, puts out his cigarette with his foot, and turns to re-enter the house without even looking in the direction of where he felt you. Once inside, everyone looks at him with pity, and you can tell that he feels a little uncomfortable. Uncomfortable and hurt. A hand grabs his, but this time, it’s real. This time, it’s your mother’s. The camera is closed-up on her squeezing gently. He seems shocked by the gesture and he looks up from their interlocked hands, to her reassuring, crying face. He swallows back his own tears before the camera goes back to their hands and Ashton squeezes back.

So now we’ve come full circle. The music has stopped and it’s silent. Ashton is sitting with his back against the wall, head in his hands, broken glass around him. Although the sound is back, we can’t hear anything aside from his broken sobs. Then we get these short, seemingly random snippets of these vivid flashbacks in Ashton’s mind: You and him walking out of a restaurant holding hands one night. You getting into their car, listening to the radio, laughing. He has one hand on the wheel and one hand on your leg. The flashbacks are bright and loud and kinda sporadic, as we focus on the memories, and current Ashton, frustrated, trying to block them out. In the flashbacks, the camera is zooming in on Ashton’s hand, then your face, then his face, then the city, all in random order. Finally, the camera stops on you and Ashton looking at each other and laughing. It’s a picture perfect scene, until you turn to face the front. Your smile instantly fades and your eyes are wide with fear. The last thing that we see in the shot is a bright light coming towards the two of you, and you screaming, “ASHTON!” before the screen goes completely back.

The final portion of the song begins to play, finishing in complete darkness.

“So I drown it out, like I always do, dancing through our house with the ghost of you. And I chase it down with a shot of truth, that my feet don’t dance like they did with you.”

After the song is over and the video has sat in silence and darkness for a little while, a sudden wide shot of Ashton in a vast park with a single tombstone appears. He doesn’t say anything. He doesn’t even cry. We only hear the wind and the leaves and the silence. The camera zooms in on his face and he doesn’t look sad, just empty. Ashton sniffs and kicks at the ground a bit, hands in his pockets, not really knowing what to do. After a few more seconds of him twiddling his thumbs, looking everywhere except for where you now rest, he finally speaks. “I just-” he stops and exhales in frustration. “I don’t really-” He rubs his face. He can’t find the words. He turns to leave, but after a few steps, he turns back around, taking a deep breath. “I was waiting.” He says with conviction, nodding to himself. He looks away once again, desperately trying to continue. “I just- I was waiting.” His voice cracks at that. He’s speaking much softer now. A few tears fall, but he sniffles and seemingly collects himself. We see him reach into his pocket, and set something on top of your grave stone, but we don’t know what, as the shot is now of his back. It then switches to his face as he studies your grave once more before nodding in assurance and walking away. The shot is, once again, wide as we see Ashton disappear as he walks further away. Then, the camera finally cuts back to a shot of your tombstone, a beautiful diamond ring sitting on top. Cut to black.

—————————————————————

Me? Cry? Nope. Never. Ha. Ha ha. HA. Thanks for reading, dudes. Let me know what you think. I’m sorry if I hurt you. It had to be done. ¯\_(ツ)_/¯ (It didn’t have to be done, I just don’t want to suffer alone. Misery needs company and all that.)