#I shouldn’t have been at work~ even my fucking owners said we shouldn’t have been open

[sternbagel]

guess who got stung by a yellowjacket today???

[silvvermst]

SO, KISS ME

SYNOPSIS :: a drunk Warren somehow ends up in front of your dorm roon

NOTE :: made this while I was at work, got this inspo from an edit on tiktok !! btw, this is a gn! reader yeyyy

TYPE :: fluff / implied smut

A phone call snapped you from your focus on the computer, your fingers typing abruptly stopped. You took off your earphones and swiftly grabbed the phone from the other table.

“Yes, hello?” You pressed the phone between your ear and shoulder. While you focused back on your PC.

“Heeey, friend. Why you calling?” Although the owner of the voice slurred his words, it was booming loudly from the speaker that you had no choice but to wince.

You mouthed an, ‘Oh my God’ with a roll of your eyes.

“Helloooo, is that you my friend? My wizard friend, Dumblebee?” Again, the loudness of his voice remains the same.

“Fucking hell, Warren, you know that I'm grinding tonight!” You said with a huff, slowly losing focus from not just the loudness of his voice but his background with party songs.

“Oh, hi! Can, can you, uh, my broom is not working. So, please pick up.” An annoyed expression was now sitting comfortably on your face. Even from miles away you can imagine the harsh smell from the liqour.

“No, I'm not taking care of your drunk ass.” You huff by this time your character in the game already died, flashing red with a text saying ‘Game Over’. “Ugh, now, I'm dead.”

“What?! NO! You can't be dead!” He screams on his phone that makes you grimace and the phone slips from your shoulder and ears, letting it drop on the floor. From a short distance, you can faintly hear his voice.

“I swear to God, I'll kill you when I pick you up.” you muttered under your breath before picking up the phone from the floor. “Stay right where you are, I'll bring you home.”

Then, you ended the call. You grabbed the hoodie he left on your bed and put it on, secretly loving the way it fits perfectly on your body. You locked your dorm room and headed to the parking lot, with the keys jingling on your finger as you tucked your phone in your pockets.

As you were about to start the engine, a call buzzed through your phone. Warren's name appears on the called ID. “I told you I'm picking you up. Stay where you are.”

“Uh, hey, you must be Warren’s friend.” A feminine voice filled your ears as you turned the engine on.

“Yeah, who, who's this?” You stammered unintentionally, but somehow your voice breaks, either from embarrassment or uneasiness whether Warren is even present in the situation.

“This is Max, I, we, found Warren outside of the club.” Oh, she's the girl Warren's been talking about for a month. “We'll take him home.” She pauses since Warren's voice starts to interrupt her.

“Is that my Dumblebee?” You sighed.

“Alright, then, you guys take good care of him.” You fiddled with the keys and turned the engine off. The other caller ends it, then you finally let out a big sigh you've been keeping ever since you've heard Max's voice fill the car from Warren's phone. Does that mean they went to the party together? Or he finally invited her? Asked her out? Was that their first date?

“Fuuuuck!” You slammed the car door close, your hands finding warmth inside of the pocket of his hoodie. “Shouldn’t have called me if you already had someone taking care of you! Fucking…hell.”

You went back to your dorm with a grudge, slumping back down on your office chair. The game you were playing earlier was still on and how the light from the computers lights up your dimmed room. Playing this shitty game is the only thing that can stop your mind from thinking about whether Warren made it out alive and is safe. But of course, the more you play, the more time passes and your worry only gets worse. To the point you let your character get killed and the screen fades with a ‘Game Over’, and immediately grabs your phone that sits on top of your bed since you threw it away earlier.

“The least that girl could do was update me on whether Warren made it home safe.” You said under your breath, feeling irritated yet upset since you know you don't have the right to it, you were just his friend, not a partner. “But still! I can still get worried, God be damned.”

You input his number and it starts ringing and ringing, at first you thought there was something wrong with your speakers that it seems like it has an echo. “Wait, what the fuck?” The only difference was that the echo comes from a distance.

More likely from the other side of the door that you immediately connected the dots. You rush to your front door upon opening it, Warren's back was lying against your door upon opening his back smashes harshly against the floor that he let out grunts of pain.

“Fuck! Warren? What the, what are you?” Your questions that were running through your mind seemed to fade away when you saw the discomfort on his face. “Alright, wake up. Let's get you to my bed.”

Your arms wrapped around his waist as you used yourself as his crutch, stumbling down to your bed. You let go of his weight when you were near your bed, and you watched as his head hit the pillows that he made a sound from.

“What the fuck are you doing here, Warren?” You sighed, not even caring if he's going to answer since he doesn't look conscious.

“Mhm…” He lets out that it made you step closer.

“What did you say?”

“You promised to pick me up.” He said in the most childish tone, like a kid that didn't get a gift from their birthday.

“Well, I'm sorry, your highness.” You said sarcastically while you rolled your eyes. “I would have if not for your little girlfriend.”

“Max is my friend.” You couldn't help but make an annoyed face, as you walked away from him and went to close the door.

“And I'm your friend, there's an obvious difference between how you treat me and her.” You whispered.

“I heard that.” How the fuck?!

“Now, aren't you a superhero with a lame power? Tell me, do you hear the birds chirping too?” You bite back, even yourself was surprised to have a petty fight with a drunkard.

He tries to sit up but fails miserably, as it seems the bed was swallowing him up. “Can you please come here? I really can't feel my legs.”

“Mhn, are you sobering up?” He didn't answer, instead opening his arms and legs wide like a starfish. “Nope, still drunk as fuck.”

“I missed you, we didn't see each other for like,” He pauses with a confused expression planted on his face. “For like, uh, four days?”

“It was just two days, Warren. Two. Days.” You emphasized the last two words, and turned to your heels walking towards your small kitchen counter. Brewing hot water on an electric kettle.

“I missed playing with you, studying with you, watching with you, reading your stories.” He says in his starfish position, still. Although, he didn't say he missed you but you were glad enough that he missed doing things with you.

“Me too.” A short reply that led him to keep talking that you almost zoned out.

“So yeah, that's how I got stuck at the party. Can you believe it?! Those fuckers! Now, I have to buy new tires.” He exclaimed, your bed was already a mess since one of your pillows was on the floor and your comforter was touching the floor.

“Don’t worry we'll get your car fixed. I know a vulcanizing shop, we can get a new tire.” The shriek of the kettle began and he screamed. Literally, screamed.

“What was that?!”

“Calm your tits, I'm preparing you some tea.” You pulled the plug and prepared a blue mug, his mug, which is a mug that he alone only uses. You filled the mug and dropped a tea bag on it.

“Mhm, tea. I like it with milk.”

“With milk, I know.” The both of you said in unison.

You could hear him thrash around your bed as there were shuffling and whining coming from him. He gets so fussy when he's drunk.

“Is it done?” He asks, his head resting against his hand as he turns his body to look at you from the kitchen counter. “You look good in my hoodie.”

Realization hits hard when you remembered you didn't take it off after you came back, as your blush appears quickly on your cheeks and feel its heat travel to your ears and down to your spine that makes your ears ring. “It was cold and your hoodie was the only thing I have right now.” You said quietly, thank fucking hell your back was on him because he can easily see the redness of your cheeks. But you didn't notice that he already got up from your bed.

“Mhm, should I just give you all of my clothes? You seemed to look better on them than on me.” He whispered beside you, leaning against the kitchen counter.

“Shit! Warren! When did you get there? I thought you couldn't feel your legs!” It was too late, he already saw your face. So instead, you wrapped your hand on the handle of the mug and pushed it gently to him. “Get yourself sober and I'll take you home.”

You walked away, almost running from him. As your eyes darted around the room, you plopped down on your swivel chair. Though, you can hear him take some sips of his tea and hear a hiss from burning his tongue. “Are you making fun of me?”

You couldn't help but giggle at him, “Sorry, sorry, you sounded like an idiot.”

“Nuh uh, my GPA is higher than yours. Therefore, your argument deems to be irrelevant.” You can hear him start to walk, but not near you. He settled down on your bed once again. “I can see you rolling your eyes.”

“Whatever, finish your tea… you're crazy for ending up here” You mulled over the thought of it and couldn't help but ask him. “Why were you even here in the first place?”

“You said you'll pick me up.” He repeated his answer from the same previous question you asked him. “I told them to drop me here. So you'll get to take me home.”

You noticed he hasn't slurred his speech so much, maybe since the conversation went on and on it made him sober enough.

“You’re an idiot, you really are. It's just, sometimes I don't even get you. We've been friends for a while. I mean, maybe for a while, but you're hard to read. And the stupid comments you're making earlier, you make it sound like I stole your clothes.” Your frustration from earlier was already filling you up that you didn't notice he set the half empty mug in your nightstand and walked towards you.

Warren saw how your shoulder blades motion as your hands waves around while you're explaining, but when you get like this you always turn your back on him. He hates it the most, when you finally say your true feelings to him but you're talking to air instead of facing him. He wants to see your face, your expressions, that cute crunch that forms between your eyebrows, or how you bite your lower lip when you hesitate but in the end spills whatever you're thinking anyway. He couldn't read you the way he wanted to, and so he approached you, placing a firm hand on your swivel chair and turned you around.

“Do you want me to stay or not?” His voice was soft but his expression was stoic. The drunkenness he felt earlier dissipates, he could clearly see your face and your mouth formed an ‘o’. Then, once again the blood on your body travels back to your cheeks staining it with red.

You were like a gaping fish when you met him face to face, trapping you on the chair as his hands held on the armrest. “Well?” He urges on. “Does your silence means ‘yes’?”

Thoughts were rushing through your mind, what the fuck is he exactly insinuating?! First, he goes to that fucking drive-in with a girl. The next he hangs out with Brooke. Now, he's trapping you in this chair with no idea why the fuck is he even upset! If anyone is upset, it should be you!

“I just thought Max will take you home, how was I supposed to know you'll get this childish?!” You huffed, crossing your arms and leaning your back to the chair. “There are already a lot of people taking care of you, why should I include myself in? We're just friends.”

His shoulders slacken. “Then, fine. I'll get going, then.” He grunted, pulling himself away from you. Swaying from side to side as if his drunkenness came back. “Poor me, alone and drunk , I hope I won't run into some muggers.”

You sighed and looked at the ceiling. “Just pray that I won't kill you tonight. At least, get sober before we head out because I'm not dragging your sleepy ass when you pass out.”

“Okie dokie! Don't worry, I'm all sober now.” He responds with a smile on his face before launching himself on your bed.

“But you just said you're drunk?!” You threw your hands up in frustration.

“Did I say that? Oh, well.” His jolly attitude continues as he hugs your pillow and comforter. Is he actually faking his sobriety right now?

You got up from your chair and walked to him, “Alright, stop lounging around and let's get going”

He was quiet for a second but he didn't get off the bed, “I’m sorry for earlier, Chloe told me those lines usually work.” Instead he was busying himself with fiddling the stitching of your pillows.

“It’s fine.” You sighed, stood in front of him and he started to look at you with that gaze. “Wait, what do you mean by ‘usually work’?”

Warren looks at you straight in the eyes, the type of stare that pulls you in as if there was a whole constellation inside his irises. He eventually looked away, pushing himself up from your bed until he was standing in front of you, his shadow created by the low light of the lamp covering you.

“What?” You ask, realizing how dumb you sound, like a deer in headlights.

“You really are naïve, as Chloe said.”

“Huh?”

“Nothing. I'm gonna get going.” He turned his back on you and headed to your door. Of course, you followed after him. When he opened the door, he stepped out in the doorframe, making the door remained open since he was still standing on its way, not budging.

“Now, what?” You asked, your phone in your pocket buzzing. “Wait, let me get this first.”

As you were about to pull out your phone, he asked you. “Truth or dare?”

“The fuck are you talking about.” You brows furrowed, confusion written all over you that you start to look like a question mark.

“Truth or dare? If you don't answer or do the dare, you'll do my homework for a month.” He repeated, his hands fidgeting to the point he started to scratch his nape. “Come on, don't make me look like an idiot.”

“You already are, dumbass. And it's dare, but make sure I don't get into trouble.” You took your phone and saw the caller ID and declined the call.

“Kissmerightnow.” He says, although his words came out too fast. But you weren't an idiot to not understand it. Then, his cheeks blushed with red as dark as cherries.

You were speechless to say the least, by how he's acting now made you believe for a second he's actually serious. But you know better that there's no way, surely he's just pulling a joke that Chloe, maybe, taught him.

So, you took his hand and planted a ghost kiss. Your lips barely brushed against his knuckles, but he could feel your hot breath that made his blush even darker and you noticed the twitch of his hand.

“There, asshole. Are you happy now? Let's get going.” You say but you were as flushed as him.

“Now, you ask me.” He pouts like a fucking child, you don't know whether you can stop yourself from pinching his cheek if he doesn't stop this cuteness.

“Fuuuck! Fine! Truth or dare?” You impatiently said, your hands resting on your hips.

“Dare.” You laughed at how determined he looks.

“Then, kiss me on the lips.” You say with a smug grin on your face.

He looked at you, again with that fucking stare, “Are you serious?”

“I’m dead serious, unless you want to ace all of my homeworks this month—”

You didn't finish your sentence because his own lips shut you up, his hands on your plump, red cheeks. His soft lips brush against yours, his eyes are scrunched close while his ear turns red that's similar to the color of his cheeks.

Your arms were limped on your sides, as you felt his body heat wrapped around you. You didn't realized that you were kissing him back, but he made a squeak when he felt your tongue glide on his lower lip. He patted your shoulder, stopping the kiss and took deep breaths that you kept while the two of you basked in each other's kisses.

The both of you were silent, but finally, you finally understood the look he gave you too many times. He was hitting on you in the first place, you were just too dumb to notice. Your eyes finally understood him, as well as he understands you.

The silence was deafening which is why you pulled him to you by his collar and closed the door behind you. Wishing no one saw the both of you making out in the hallway.

Although, a certain brunette with blue hair peered at the window.

“I really thought he'd chicken out, man. I mean, he was begging us to pick him home instead.” The blue haired bragged. “And in the end he makes us stop by at their dormitory. That guy is so fucking in love with them.”

“I know, but I guess we did a great job making him drunk first, huh?” Max says, though she wasn't really up to the challenge. She thought there was a better way to confess instead of drinking a lot of liquor to muster up Warren's courage. “Let's just not mention the fact that we put holes in his tires.”

“I doubt he'll get angry, I'm sureeeee he's enjoying a lot tonight.” She said with a grin, and Max just laughed and pulled her by the hand away from the window.

[jhuzen]

if ur requests are open…virgin Kazuha with a player m!reader.

Reader made a bet with Beidou about how long it’ll take to get to fuck Kazuha since he’s one of the people on the Crux that the reader hasn’t fucked and Kazuha overhears.

He knows he shouldn’t give in, but he’s wanted the reader for so long so they end up fucking (and confessing feelings because I’m a romantic😭).

tip [m.reader]

actual title: [just the] tip, LMAO. I AM BACK FROM THE DEAD AND I’M BRINGING THREE SMUTS WITH ME. anyway. i think we all know when i say soon, it means 2 weeks later. fuck. i’m so sorry yall i do not know how to squeeze my brain for creativity. so the past two weeks, i’m just working out and gaming and illustrating. also i was halfway through the smut when i got the request for the player reader aND THATS WHEN IMAGINATION STRUCK. so anyway have this adorable samurai, tysm baby for letting me win your 50/50 again ilysm mwah.

𖦹 gentle sex, romantic stuff, they say ily in the end (and i am jealous), it’s been weeks since my last smut so bear with me, an attempt at an oral, fingering, penetration, lots of reassurances, top male reader

It all started with a simple bet between you and Beidou. She was the same captain that challenged you many times in drinking contests, after all (most of which, you’ve lost to her). And while you cannot exactly handle all of your alcohol like she can’t, no one could say the same when it comes to your visceral need to possibly get every living being on the bed with you.

It was a running joke between the entire crew. With your utterly promiscuous nature, you’ve managed to bed every bachelor and bachelorette on the Alcor. It was an amazing feat and an occurrence that happened so much, people would casually compare your performance with each other. Granted, it was embarrassing, but such is the price of being so… whorish.

Not a single soul was saved, even the sweet housekeeper from Mondstadt and his superior that were traveling to the nation of freedom to strike a deal with an elusive winery owner weren’t saved from your promiscuity. Beidou was already hurting from the sides from all the laughing she’s done once she realizes the fleeting glances between the two of them towards you were no mere coincidences.

But maybe not a single soul being saved was… an overstatement.

All of them weren’t safe except for one — the elusive ronin that frequently traveled with Beidou’s crew; Kaedehara Kazuha himself. For some reason, he was the one person that you couldn’t bed, and unfortunately for you, Beidou noticed. She noticed how your flirtatious flair would tone down, turning you into the most unassuming version of yourself that any of the Alcor has ever seen whenever you would entertain Kazuha up in the crow’s nest, a gentle smile on your lips instead of that knowing smirk that could leave anyone writhing.

Beidou already had an idea by then, but she decided to aid you in getting things moving as she made one bet to you.

“If you can get our romantic poet in bed with you, I will retract all drinking contests in the future.”

Your terms were flimsy and shallow. But you figured your liver would greatly appreciate the deal. And if you won, you only said that the captain would have to admit that, although untrue, you have, at some point, beaten her in one contest.

Had you only known what your dear little ronin has in store for you.

Kazuha, admittedly, is an absolute romantic. The verses in his poetry could not make that mere fact any clearer. His mind and heart can coordinate and weave the sweetest words lodged in limited verses that sing the sweetest praises to the unknown.

And often you were the victim of it. Kazuha was well aware of how subdued you seem around him, suddenly discarding the playboy persona that you were known around for, your very reputation that despite the efforts that Kazuha made in order to evade it, it still somehow managed to take the longest detour right to his heart.

You were a magnet that had limitless attraction Kazuha was just a drop in a sea of particles that continued to gravitate to you, despite his constant rumination that you were never going to be a constant in his life. He lives to seek every corner of the world while you discovered the uncharted parts of someone else’s bare skin in your endeavors.

How ironic was it that in his inconsistent lifestyle, he was terrified of having you — someone who is just as much of constant as his stays on places while he wandered through all nations.

But the tiny voice at the back of his head were screaming, pleading for a chance to even experience the atmosphere with you when wrapped in the haze of lust and sex.

It was probably why the moment he overheard your tiny wager with Beidou, the restraints that he kept on his poor longing heart suddenly loosened. And it was probably why the moment you amped up your flirtatious tendencies, Kazuha was suddenly breathless.

To experience of being the end of your smooth words was something Kazuha can only describe as what it feels like to get a taste of his own medicine. Suddenly, you were more forward, you didn’t wait for him to ask you and gaze at the skies with him on the crow’s nest. Everywhere he was, you were suddenly around, like a persistent python that coiled around him until he could no longer breathe — and he loved it.

Maybe it’s why your advances were easily reciprocated by him. Maybe it’s why all of a sudden, he wanted your hand to linger under his chin. Maybe it’s why, out of all his resistance to your charm, it all comes crashing down into a futile effort.

And maybe it’s also exactly why his heart hammered with persistence against his ribcage despite the ache in his knees as he knelt and did his best to suck you off with little to no experience under his belt.

You sat on the edge of the bed, eyes downcast to meet Kazuha’s teary eyes. He was already ruined just from this, mouth barely able to take in more of you. But you were a persistent teacher, and he was an eager student.

A smirked played upon your pretty lips, hand gliding over to Kazuha’s soft cheek before pinching it, stretching his mouth just a little bit more as you slowly pushed your hips, watching your cock make it barely even halfway through Kazuha’s mouth.

You were used to the experienced men that could take you in skillfully even with your size, but the inexperience was somewhat of a breath of fresh air — if not, utterly adorable. The way his tongue refused to stay flat while your cock pushed in, his teeth grazing against your sensitive head ever so slightly, and archons, those lovely tears that glistened through his wet eyelashes as the honorable ronin looked up at you for any form of approval.

“You’ve no idea how incredibly delectable you look right now, love.” Your smooth voice filled his ears and he hummed, pleased from the praise, leaving you hissing as the vibrations from his mouth enveloped your cock.

“Think you can manage a few more inches?” You asked with a curious grin.

Kazuha doesn’t think so, but the innate need to please you and seek your praise was something he quickly found out the moment you stripped him of his robes and adored his body with your sweet words. He nodded, a little unconvincing, a little reluctant, and a little nervous.

You guided his hands that rested on your thighs to grip the base of your length, “For better leverage,” you said, though quite true, it was equally just an excuse to feel his cute little hands around you.

The ronin nodded once more before pushing further, dipping his head until he can take more of you. His cheeks burned and the moment the tip of your head hits the back of his throat, Kazuha immediately pulls back, coughing. You ran your hand through his hair, flashing him a reassuring smile.

“Too much?”

Kazuha’s lips were wet from his own saliva. He opened his eyes to see a tiny sinful string of saliva that connected his lips to your cockhead. He looked up at you with so much determination, almost eager to try again, and while it was immensely adorable, you decided to take pity on Kazuha as you pulled him up to your lap.

“I-I can do more…”

“And we’ll work on that next time,” you said with the same soft reassurance that he has heard from you every time you and Kazuha would engage in a conversation. But it wasn’t what made his heart jump — it was the fact that you opened up the possibility of a next time for him. A possibility that this isn’t a one time thing as he feared.

Before he could even process anything else, his back hits the soft mattress beneath him. It should have been intimidating, but to see tower over him with such a huge figure, Kazuha could only feel the unbridled warmth that radiated from you. He waited with bated breath as you looked down on him, a smile so inviting that it doesn’t even remotely feel like he was participating in a bet, that you were making love to him so tenderly instead.

“Think it’s time for me to finally take care of you, hm?” Your soft croon reached his ears and he could only nod, meek yet still so bloody excited for what happens next.

He could feel his breath get caught in his throat the moment your hands easily opened his legs, and he willfully complied despite how his thighs quivered under your grasp. He watched seat yourself in between his legs, watching you open up that one familiar package of lubricant. You squeezed a generous amount on your fingers before turning to him.

“Try to relax, yeah?”

“M-Mhm…”

Kazuha doesn’t question the way his back immediately arched up as his body responded to your fingers that slowly penetrated him. He could feel the coldness and he shivered, squirming at the tight fit. He could feel it all too much. His hand immediately shot up to latch onto your strong shoulders while he let out a strangled gasp.

Your little samurai was all too enticing, “My~ what a mess I’ve made you, and just from my fingers alone too…” You laughed and Kazuha can only whimper closing his eyes shut to avoid any further embarrassment, though it was clearly futile by then.

Your slowly pumped your fingers, feeling out Kazuha’s gummy walls. He clenched on your fingers with every movement, leaving him writhing against the sheets. It was a sensation that he was all too new in experiencing. His soft gasps and quiet whines echoed through the walls of the remote inn that you graciously paid for under the guise of taking shelter with your travel companion.

Kazuha cried out your name so sweetly, and it was as if the heavens are calling you.

“[Name]… m-more…” he pleaded with a tiny voice, barely managing while your fingers continued to penetrate through his walls that continued to pulsate around your digits. You indulged in every moan that spilled from his lips as you pumped your fingers even more.

You licked your lips, eyeing the samurai in bliss so hungrily. He was ethereal even when he’s a complete mess with sweat cascading through his soft skin and his hair completely tousled as he continued to squirm from your ministrations alone. You drank the very sight of him and you couldn’t wait to take him then and there.

A choked gasp suddenly weaseled out of him as your fingers finally grazed his prostate.

“H-Hah—!” You watched in fascination as your endeared ronin came just from that alone. Cum dripped down from his cock, making a tiny pool on his abdomen. Kazuha was breathless, his body quivering in inconsistent intervals as he reached his high all too early. He looked at you, just as surprised as you are.

“O-Oh… D-Did I—? Already?” Kazuha’s embarrassment was unparalleled, but you were quick to quell that as you leaned in, showering his heaving chest the most chaste kisses, filled with so much care and love that were absent from your times with others. No amount of sweetness could amount to your shallow ones when it wasn’t Kazuha.

“You treat it like it’s a problem,” you chuckled and Kazuha’s face flushed at your playful chastising. Of course it must be a problem. One too many he’s heard about people lasting in bed a better feat when it comes to sex. But you were quick to refute the little beliefs he had. “It only means I’m making you feel good, no?”

Kazuha nodded, speechless for once at such a gentle treatment. He’s heard from the accounts of others just how rough you can be, some men even having to complain about it to you openly, while you only gave a tiny apology before slithering away. But this, even Kazuha wasn’t too certain if this was something new for you or if you thought that he was too fragile to handle you. He griped to himself at the thought and he quickly grabbed onto your wrist.

“I-I’m ready,” he muttered, giving you the full green light.

You have half a mind to question him for a second time, but his look of determination and your own cock that only throbbed painfully against your abdomen was enough to persuade you.

Kazuha could only look on, his eyes widening when his struggles earlier to take you in just with his own mouth came back to bite him in the ass. He looked up, a little frantic as the anxiety only flooded through him — he could barely suck you off without suffocating, how could he take you in so easily.

You only leaned to kiss at the shell of his ear, as gentle as you can, “Don’t worry, we’ll stop if you can’t.”

His arms were quick to hook around your neck, looking down and quivering a little as he felt the way your cockhead brushed against the rim of his entrance, prodding at him with so much temptation. “But… I don’t want it to stop…” he mumbled, only making you laugh at such a sweet sentiment.

“One at a time, mkay? It’s your first time,” You whispered as you slowly lined up, your shaft already prodding at Kazuha’s lubed up hole. “Ready?”

Taking a deep breath, Kazuha only nodded, surrendering control to you to take care of him.

It wasn’t a mistake to be so near him as your ears indulged in Kazuha’s sweetest cries as you slowly eased yourself in. You didn’t bother going all the way as you felt him clench around you even with just a few inches in. It was adorable, remotely endearing as you continued a couple more inches.

“W-Wait,” he was quick to plead, and you stopped, listening intently to his whims.

“Why don’t we practice with just this much, hm?” It wasn’t even a surprise as Kazuha quickly agreed, eager to follow you. He succumbed into the submission of being under your control, to let you do as you please to him and you relished in that very permission to take in every bit of him even the slowest ways.

You drew out some quiet sobs from poor Kazuha as your hips drew back, only to stop just before you could pull out. Your sensitive head alone could even feel the slightest bumps within his walls and it was absolutely divine.

Kazuha hiccuped through his tears despite your shallow, languid thrusts — barely even fully inside and yet he’s already so spent. You could feel every gasp getting pulled out from his system with how his cock seemed to brush against your abdomen with every movement.

“Feels good?” You asked and he only nodded — quite frankly it was a miracle that Kazuha could even still make of what you can say.

“D-Deeper, [Name],” Kazuha begged, coming out in a tiny mewl that you couldn’t seem to refuse.

You followed through his demand, letting in a couple more inches inside and he was squealing so wantonly. The way his walls clenched onto your length, he could feel every sinful throb within his tight warm walls and he couldn’t help but squirm, inching away from your cock when you held him down.

“You can do it, you’re a good boy, yes?” You smiled, your thrusts slowly growing deeper and deeper until it left him writhing underneath you. You could feel the delectable scratch on your broad back as he clutched onto you for dear life.

“M-Mhm… a good boy,” he parroted, his mind numbing with each thrust, his hips slowly meeting your movement as the fervent need to feel you grew inside him.

You were just as easily losing it as your hips moved in a steady pace. Never had you even been this gentle on someone even — but somehow Kazuha brought it out of you. Your soft grunts melded with his delectable moans as you moved your head, lips just a hair distance away from him.

And then it spills from your lips;

“Fuck… I love you so much…”

Kazuha’s eyes snapped open and you immediately stopped your movements, your cock still inches deep inside your little ronin.

A wave of clarity washed over Kazuha as the realization hit you both.

“You mean it?” He asked, love in his eyes with so much anticipation.

You only laughed as you leaned in, “Couldn’t get anymore obvious with that,” you quipped, all too amused as the blush overtook Kazuha’s face down to his neck. A little taken aback, but he only smiled, bringing you in close for a sweet kiss.

“Well, I share the sentiment.” Kazuha mumbled, his breath ghosting over your lips as a lovestruck expression completely took hold of his pretty face.

“Would it kill you to say it back?”

“I love you too.”

You only showed your satisfaction with your lips on his, your fingers digging into the soft flesh of his waist as you lifted him up. A needy whimper was pulled out of Kazuha’s throat as you thrusted one more time, a mischievous and eager smile grazing your face.

You were going to show Kazuha so much more.

And lucky for you, you’ve got the whole night to express that love to each other.

[604to647]

Safest with You - Ch. 3 (The Drycleaner)

3.2K / Modern AU Retired Mob Enforcer!Din Djarin x fem!reader

Summary: You listen to a sign from the universe and it leads you to Din.

Warnings: Some pining and then more fluff 💕 although Reader is a bit of menace as she straight up ogles Din like a piece of meat 😂, brief mention of female masturbation, reader is described as shorter than Din, first use of pet name “Pretty Bird”.

A/N: The series is slow but sometimes falling in love be like that. I pinned a series masterlist, so you can always jump to the smutty one shots that happen later in the timeline when these two are in an established relationship if you need a fix. The fact that Din boxes is 100% attributed to @djarinsbeskar's Boxer!Din AU which was the very first Din fic AU I ever read on Tumblr and remains one of my favourites and one I revisit often; making Din a former boxer/owner of a boxing gym is my small but humble homage to Rachel's genius. Also from that same AU is this piece of art from one of my favourite artists, @kate-komics that I think about often also. Thank you both for the inspiration!

“He bought you books?!?”

“Well, technically, he bought us all books.”

The whole table laughs; your friends were delighted when you handed out the books, but they’re entralled at the background story that comes with.

“And he didn’t leave you his number or anything?”

“No! Told the cashier he didn’t want to want me to feel ‘obligated’.”

“It’s okay, babe.  We’ll find him,” nods Katie, whipping out her phone. 

Bea starts typing on her phone as well, “Right.  He said his name is Din?  How do you spell that?”

“I don’t know.”

“Is it short for something?”

“I don’t know.”

“How old is he?”

“I don’t know.  40s?  He’s greying,” you picture Din’s soft curls and bury your face in your hands, “it looks so fucking good on him.” 

“Where does he work?”

“I don’t know.  Not downtown.”

“Well, what does he do?”

“I don’t know.”

“Babe. What do you know?”

“I know his coffee order is Ice Quad Expresso in a Venti cup with extra ice and six shots.”

“Ok, so we know he probably has a heart condition.”

Everyone bursts out laughing.  Your friends have good reason to be so enthusiastic – it’s been ages since someone has caught your eye.  You don’t date a lot, and that’s always been your preference.  You have a picky temperament to begin with, but the truth is, you’re happy and at peace with the way your life is now after years of hard work.  There simply hasn’t been room or a need for a partner, and your friends don’t push you to date (except Jen who always reminds you that there’s a guy at her firm she wants to set you up with, but even that’s more in good fun than anything).  But right now, you look flushed and besotted over this stranger; positively smitten.  They love it for you.

After a few minutes, no one has found anything on social media, any dating apps or Google – admittedly, there wasn’t much (anything?) to go on, but you’ve seen these girls work internet detective miracles before.

Oh well. 

You sigh, “I need to get drunk and forget him.  Or painfully obsess over every detail I can remember.”

And you all cheers to that.

---

Huh.

A week later on the Saturday, you’re out running errands, and you find yourself standing in front of your drycleaner which has unexpectedly closed.  A handwritten sign in the window reads: “Emergency Closure.  Reopening to be announced.”

The drycleaner’s is supposed to be your first stop of the day and you don’t really feel like carting your dirty clothes with you to run the rest of your errands.  Moreover, you’ll need a few of the items in the coming weeks.  You take out your phone to look up other drycleaners in the area when something in your mind clicks: Peli’s Drycleaning on 14th.  You search it and see it actually exists, and has a pretty good rating to boot.  But, it’s sort of out of your way, not really in the same area you’re in at all.

You shouldn’t go.

Should you go?

And what if you do?  Do you… ask about Din?  That’s weird. 

But you’ve been thinking about him non-stop all week: daydreaming about his soft smile during your work commute, remembering the flex of his strong hand covering yours as you answer emails, getting lost in thoughts of his big brown eyes while out walking the dog.  You flush at the memory of touching yourself in bed while recalling his deep and rich voice.  Every attempt to forget your handsome Quad Ice over the past week has utterly failed.

Eff it. What are the chances that you unexpectedly need a new drycleaner, and it happens to be the only thing tangentially related to Din that you know? Maybe the universe is trying to help you out.

Before you can characteristically overthink it, you flag down a cab and give the driver the address you looked up; your heart pounds the entire ride over.

When you step into drycleaner’s, a little bell above the door jingles to signal your arrival, and a short woman with a huge amount of curly dark hair appears from the back.  You think she might be Peli, but you can’t be sure; she gives you a huge smile and gestures to take in your clothes.  Finding her to be super friendly and chatty, the two of you make easy small talk as she neatly lists out your items by hand on her notepad.  When she gets to the coffee stained skirt, she lets out a low whistle, “Oof.  Been there, done that!” she quips.  You decide this is probably the best opening you’ll get, “Actually, that coffee stain is probably why I’m here.  Someone saw it and recommended your place.”  Peli raises her eyebrow as you press on, “His name is Din, he said he’s a friend of the owner?”

This gets her attention; the woman stops what she’s doing and studies you with great interest.  Her face breaks out into an impossibly wide smile and she exclaims loudly, “Din sent you, eh?  And he said we were friends?”  she lets out a deep belly laugh, “Babysat him when he was a kid, but yep we’re friends. Ha!  Hi, I’m Peli!”  She shakes your hand as you introduce yourself. “He said to mention his name and you would try harder not to lose my clothes,” you joke. 

“That scamp!” chortles Peli, “Don’t worry!  We’ll take good care of you!  You know… because of Din.” She rolls her eyes good naturedly.

“Of course.  Because of Din,” you grin back, “So…does he send a lot of… people who need drycleaning, your way?”

“Nope!  You’re the first!  And honestly, now that I think about it, why hasn’t he been sending me more business?”

You figure it’s now or never, “Do you know where I could find him?”

If possible, Peli brightens even more at your question, “Oh yeah, for sure!  At this time of day, he’ll be at his gym.  It’s about 2 blocks that way,” she points in the direction for you, “can’t miss it!  Big sign that says ‘Mando’s Gym’.”

Peli finishes taking down your information for the clothes and lets you know when everything can be ready.  You give her an enthusiastic thanks; when opening the door to leave, you have a moment of hesitation, but looking back, you find Peli already pointing in the direction of the gym.  You give her a smiling nod and head that way.

---

Peli was right.  You can’t miss the sign; it sits atop of a standalone three story building that’s set further back on its lot.  The front area of the lot looks like it might have once been a driveway of sorts, but is now used as a parking lot; a handful of parked cars lets you know the gym is fairly busy today.  The front of the building has giant windows that look like garage doors and makes you think that the building might have once been a mechanic repair shop; from the little of what you can see inside, you think the gym occupies the first floor of the building and possibly the second.  The big set of garage door windows are separated in the middle by an entry way that you walk through, slightly nervous.  Once inside, you see a reception but currently no one behind the small desk; instead, you peek around the partition wall behind the desk and see that the space opens up to a clean, spacious room that has about 8-10 people working out on various machines and punching bags lining the walls, all leading to a larger group of people clustering near the boxing ring centered at the back of the room.

You’re making your way towards the back, scanning over the group looking for Din when you spot him, right in the middle of the ring.  He’s got his gloved hands up, blocking part of his head, but you can still tell it’s him; when you hear him shouting encouraging words to his sparring partner, his familiar voice sends a shiver up your spine.  He’s wearing a sweat drenched grey t-shirt and his hair is messy and wet from his work out, but he looks even better than you remember.

Actually, he looks fucking delicious.  From this angle you can see the cut of his jawline and how it tightens as his grunts and pants.  His arms are flexed from his forearms up to his biceps, and are so muscular they’re straining hard against his shirt sleeves.  You must be straight up ogling him because you don’t even realize when Din notices you; you’re too busy looking at his legs and admiring how his thighs fill out his navy blue shorts so snugly.  You only look up when those same legs start walking in your direction and come to a stop at the edge of the ring.  Din is leaning towards you against the rope with a heart-stopping smile, “It’s you.”

“Yes, it’s me,” you grin, repeating back his words to you from the bookstore.

Din thinks he must be dreaming, or maybe he’s been knocked in the head one too many times today.  He had just paused the fight to show Jimmy the new combination again, when he looked over to see the prettiest sight.  You, standing in his gym, soft and dainty, with a wide eye expression on your face.  You’re looking in his direction, but when you don’t make eye contact with him immediately, Din allows himself the smug thought that you might be liking what you see and puffs his chest out a little before making his way over to you.

Now you’re looking at him with that same pretty smile that he hasn’t been able to get out of his head for the last week, and he can’t wait to talk to you again, “Are you okay to wait for 5 minutes?  We’re just finishing up this training session.”

You nod agreeably, “Sure, I can wait.”  There’s a bench running along the right side of the ring where you take a seat to better enjoy the show.  You’ve never seen boxing up close before, so you don’t know what to expect, but you find yourself mesmerized by everything Din is doing in the ring.  All his movements are intentional and graceful; he’s in total control of every motion he makes: ducking, blocking, punching.  His muscles are all flexed and his shirt stretches tight, barely containing them as if Din himself is an extension of the explosive power harnessed in his fists.  The legs that you were drooling over earlier are quick and agile; it’s true you don’t know his age but his sparring partner looks to be in his mid-20s and Din is having no problem out maneuvering him.

As he circles the other fighter, you think you spy some ink on a flash of some exposed skin and the idea of exploring what’s underneath Din’s shirt has you swallowing hard.  In short, you can’t take your eyes off of him. 

The 5 minutes is action packed and over before you know it.  In one continuous smooth motion, Din ducks under the rope, jumps down and grabs a fresh towel from a stack on the other end of the bench you’re sitting on before sliding over to sit next to you.  He looks at you almost bashfully as he towels off his hair and wipes the sweat from his brow and neck.  You think you could get used to seeing him like this: cheeks pink from exercise, bright eyes glued to yours and a grin so wide it reveals a deep dimple in his right cheek that you’re discovering for the first time.  He’s taking your breath away and you haven’t even been back in his presence for more than 10 minutes.

“What brings you to this part of town today, pretty bird?”

If anyone else had bestowed a pet name on you so soon after having met, you would have immediately gotten the ick, but the endearment rolling off Din’s tongue sounds so natural and sweet, it has you melting, “Some handsome guy bought me a thick stack of books and then made it nearly impossible for me to thank him.  Tracked him down to this gym.”

“Handsome guy, eh?”

“Yep.  Real handsome.  And sweet.  You know anyone around here like that?” you tease.

Handsome.  You think he’s handsome. Din thinks his heart is in danger of no longer fitting in his chest.  He holds his hand up to his brow, as if to shield his eyes from the light, and mines looking around gym in an exaggerated manner, “Nope.  Just a bunch of smelly, sweaty ruffians.  Owner’s a handsome guy though, maybe you’re looking for him,” he says, eyes twinkling.

“You own this gym?”

“Sure do.  Used to be my dad’s.”

“Well, he would be proud of you and what you’ve done here, Din.  It looks great.”  You mean it, and you look around the gym with a renewed sense of awe now that you know Din is the one responsible for its operations.

Din’s not sure how you knew the exact thing to say to make his heart swell, but he knows without a doubt that you’re being genuine and he is reminded again of your kind nature. 

You look back to see Din looking at you with a soft expression and before you let yourself get lost in his eyes, you force yourself to pull it together, “Oh Din!  I can’t believe I didn’t say this right away: Thank you!! Thank you for the books.  It was so incredibly unexpected and sweet!  My friends also say thank you – a few of the books you bought were for them.”

“You’re very welcome.  Have you enjoyed the books?”

You’re warmed by how thoughtful Din is, and you let him know the books are turning out to be great and you and your friends can’t believe how long you’ll have to wait for the next instalment to come out.

“Do you have plans to read tonight, or would you happen to be free?”

Even though you had been hoping that Din would ask you out, your heart leaps into your throat now that it’s happening.  “I think I should be!  If I finish up this list of errands I’m supposed to get to today, that is.  Giving Peli my drycleaning was only the first item,” you lament. 

“Peli!  Is that how you found me?  Clever girl.”

You beam at Din’s praise.  You realize you haven’t explained how you knew where he was, ���As luck would have it, my regular drycleaner was unexpectedly closed.  Nearly derailed my whole errand day until I remembered you mentioning you had a friend who ran a drycleaning business.  Something else I need to thank you for.”

“I’m glad I could help.  Well, if you have a bunch of errands you have to finish before you can go out with me tonight, I’m going to scoot you out of here right now so you don’t cancel. Scoot!”  Din adds a silly shooing motion with his hands as he says this, so you know he’s not seriously trying to get rid of you.  You giggle, but nod, eager to get on with your tasks so that your date with Din might come sooner.

Din asks you if you need a ride, but you tell him you’ll be fine and jokingly scoff, “Hey!  I don’t want you putting off your work and then backing out either, mister.”

“Not a chance,” grins Din.

As you walk together towards the front of the gym, Din lets you know how much he’s been thinking about you,  “I’m really glad you came to here today.  I was about to camp out everyday at the coffeeshop in the morning and then that bookstore in the afternoon until I found you again.”

“Who would have looked after the gym if you did that?”

Din looks around at the gym; some of the boxers and staff that had been watching the two of you look away quickly and pretend to busy themselves to avoid being caught staring.  “Shoot.  This place probably would have burned down.  Looks like you just saved the gym.”

You can’t help but giggle again and Din feels a growing sense of pride in being able to make you laugh.  “How about tonight I take you out to dinner as a thank you?”

Giving him an incredulous look, you answer, “I should be taking you out to dinner to thank you.”

“I don’t think so, pretty bird.”

The pet name shoots straight to your core again. 

Din stretches himself up to his full height and looks down at you with mock stern expression, cocking his eyebrow.

You can’t say you’re at all intimidated even though he towers over you; you’ve long since felt that Din’s company spelled safety.  But to play along, you counter by looking up at him with your biggest pleading eyes.  Din is instantly disarmed and knows in this moment that he will never be able to refuse you anything.

He suggests a compromise, “How about we go for dinner and fight about the check there?”

“Ok.  But just so you know, I’m not used to losing,” you challenge playfully.

“Me neither.” Din tilts his head slightly to draw your attention to the wall you’re standing next to.  It’s the other side of the divider wall you rounded when you came in, and you see that it’s covered with awards, certificates, and articles lauding Din’s boxing accomplishments.

Amazed, you skim over the honours and achievements, “This is you?  Wow – you’re incredible Din!  …9 times weight division champion? Oh man, now I don’t know if I can take you.”

“I bet you could,” from the look on Din’s face, you’re sure that the double meaning is meant as a tease, but you can’t help squirming a little.

Blushing, you relent, “Ok, you can pay for dinner.  But I still have to thank you for the books.”

Din is finding your persistence on this point to be adorable, “Your ‘thanks’ is enough.  No need to feel like you owe me; it was a gift.”

“I know.  I just have an outrageous sense of reciprocity.  I really do want to find a way to thank you somehow.”  You reach up and put your hand on Din’s shoulder to hold yourself steady as you lift up onto your toes and kiss him on the cheek.  Despite having just gone who knows how many rounds in the ring, he smells incredible and you can’t help but linger your lips on his cheek.  You exhale softly and hold Din’s gaze as you slowly lower down to your normal height.

Din looks as affected as you feel, “Remind me to buy you some more books.”

Both of you laugh, now giddy about the prospect of seeing each other again in a few hours.  You exchange numbers and Din promises to text you later with the address of the restaurant he’ll meet you at tonight.

Heading down the street, heart aflutter and fingers trembling with excitement, you take out your phone and text the group chat: I found him.

[azrielslostshadow]

Lemon Mousse

Word Count: 2264

Author’s Note: sorry for the wait lovelies. you know how it goes with finals and work and everything else that life throws at you. should i continue this series? lmk what you think. 

pt.1, pt.2

“Huh, I figured you might not be back for a while.” 

azriel’s head shot up at the sound of your voice. you were beauty and grace and light and love and oh gods you were looking right up at him. “w-what?” did he seriously just stutter? he’s the shadowsinger! he shouldn’t stutter or panic. especially not in front of a faerie who probably couldn’t even care less about him and what he does outside of buying lemon-flavored pastries that he doesn’t actually eat. 

“well, I just assumed that you wouldn’t be coming in since the High Lord announced his trip to the Summer Court?”

of course! for the last few months, whenever azriel’s come in he’s ordered extra pastries just to talk to you longer, and when you asked what they were for he had said something about sharing them with feyre and rhys. 

“oh- well yes of course, but they aren’t set to leave until tomorrow so i thought i’d stop by.”

he watched as you tilted your head, brows furrowed and a pretty pout on your lips, “i must be mistaken then. i thought feyre said they were meant to leave today?”

“change of plans. something about a meeting rhysand had forgot.” azriel was a terrible fae. lying to a beautiful shop owner all because he was to afraid to ask her to dinner. he figured he should muster up the courage soon before she found out that he actually hated lemons and sweets. 

“well, besides the lemon tarts- is there anything else i could get you?” azriel had never seen you look so dim. 

“anything new for me to try?” azriel wasn’t even going to eat it, but he wanted to make you feel better. you always lit up when you talked about your treats. 

“just the mousse.”

azriel was shocked. you normally made it a point to be kind, oftentimes going out of your way to get him out of his own shell. “i like mousse.”

he was hoping you might engage in the lighthearted, flirty banter that you usually did, but was disappointed when you only let out a small huff of acknowledgment and moved to grab the dessert. you gave him his total, a tense smile, and sent him on his way. 

he felt like his heart had been squeezed out of his chest- like he had done something wrong. especially when you didn’t even try to stop him from tipping. 

------------

“now i’m no genius-”

“coulda told you that myself, cass.”

“but i think she knows about your little crush.”

once azriel returned to the house of wind, he immediately told cassian and nesta what happened. he thought they might be able to help, but clearly he was wrong.

“first of all.” he began, “there’s no way she knows about my crush. i happen to be the fucking shadowsinger thank you very much.”

his brother chuckled, “so you admit that you have a crush?”

“i admit that you’re a pain in the ass.”

“oh gods.” nesta was losing patience with the spymaster, “this is seriously starting to get so pathetic, azriel.”

“i don’t know what i did! or if i even did anything? we barely know each other, she- she could be upset about anything!”

“except you know her well enough to know something is bothering her?”

“anybody with eyes could see that she wasn’t okay! it wasn’t something special.”

“you should go check on her.”

azriel looked at nesta like she’d grown a second head, “what?”

“go right before she closes.”

“nesta, i already went once today! if i go again she’ll think something’s up.”

“oh what? like that’s a bad thing?”

“yes!”

“wait,” cassian’s face scrunched up, “i thought you liked her?”

“he does.”

“so what’s the problem?”

“he’s scared she’ll like him back.”

azriel sulked into the couch cushions, “i’m right here.”

“we’re well aware.”

------

regardless of how annoying the couple was, azriel still found himself outside the brightly colored shop five minutes left before closing. choosing to ignore his nerves, he pushed past the doors and into the bakery. 

“i’ll be right out!” you called from somewhere in the back. 

azriel figured this conversion would go one of two ways: 

      a. you’d kick him out for bothering you about something personal or

      b. you’d actually want to tell him what was bothering you.

either way he supposed it was best if he just swapped the sign to closed and locked the doors, then he made his way past the counter and into the kitchens. 

it was exactly how he had envisioned it to be. warm and inviting albeit a little chaotic. Flour covered the countertops, a couple of dishes were in the sink, and the floors needed to be swept, but it was entirely you. 

“oh-?”

azriel turned and you might as well have ripped his heart out of his chest, “love?”

your eyes were red and your mascara had smudged beneath your lashes. it was clear you’d been crying and he’d give anything to make sure you were never burdened with tears ever again. 

“sorry, az. i’m actually just about to close so if you don’t mind-”

“what’s happened?”

“i’m sorry?”`

“are you okay?” he meant to ask the question kindly, but it seemed to him that he’d failed when you immediately began to sob, “gods, i- i am so sorry! i didn’t mean to upset you!” carefully, he moved closer to you, hands spread out like you were a wild animal he didn’t want to spook.  

“no- you didn’t i-i just,” you took a deep breath again and before he could ask another ridiculous question, you were crying again. 

“oh, love.” he moved closer before he immediately stepped back again. he didn’t want to frighten you or make you any more uncomfortable than he already did. 

but then you began to cry harder. 

he was unsure of what to do. stepping away made you cry harder, which is what he figured should have happened if he moved closer. you were shaking, trying to hold yourself together and all he wanted was to just hold you. so he gathered up all of his courage and prepared himself in case you pushed him away, and moved to wrap his arms around you.

he half expected you to scramble away from him. azriel knew he was a rather intimidating faerie, he was taller than most, his wings were wide, his hands were terribly scarred, and his whole demeanor normally screamed run away now if you want to live. he assumed if he was lucky you would freeze, but still let him hold you. 

instead, the second he touched you, you wrapped your arm around his middle, burying your head into his chest, and gripped his shoulders like you were afraid someone might tear the two of you apart. 

for a moment azriel didn’t move, shocked that you actually wanted him. 

once he recovered, however, he placed his arm around you, one hand on your hip and the other on the top of your head, bringing you closer to him. 

the two of you stayed like that for a few minutes, holding each other tightly in the lemon-filled kitchen, until you lifted your head from his chest, tears dripping down the sides of your cheeks and an, “i’m sorry.” leaving your lips in a defeated whisper. 

“don’t be.” he moved to wipe away your tears, cradling your face in his large hands, pride surging trough his veins when you leaned into his palms. “if you’d like, we could talk about it?”

you began to pull away, “it’s dumb. nothing really.”

azriel was a lot of things, but stupid was not one of them. he had been trained to see through a lie, and you were clearly inexperienced in the art of deception. he pulled you closer before you could hide away from him again, “no, it’s not.”

you took a moment to gather yourself, wringing your hands, eyes bouncing around the room at anything that wasn’t the illyrian warrior before you, “does feyre hate me?”

“what?” this was the last thing azriel thought would have upset you. feyre absolutely adored you! she spoke of you often to the inner circle. 

“i just- i just want to know if i’ve done something to upset her. she was the first friend i made in velaris and now she never comes in anymore!”

azriel wasn’t sure what to do. he’d taken feyre’s place as your regular so that he could talk to you, but he never thought it would hurt your feelings. “she doesn’t hate you.”

“well, clara from the night shift has been telling everyone she does. that she got tired of my lemons and only sends you in out of pity!”

“the night shift? the bakery down the block?”

“yeah- with that horrible gray brick!” you grumbled, “her whole building looks like a fucking cinderblock with no personality whatsoever.”

he couldn’t help but lt out an amused snort- he’d never seen you angry before. he thought you looked quite like a mouse, “it is rather ugly isn’t it?”

“with horrible pastries too! i’ve never had such a bland, powdery scone in my life! i’m not sure why our high lady would ever prefer that to mine.”

“she doesn’t.”

“azriel. she hasn’t been here for months. most of my customers came in because they thought she loved my desserts. now business is slow, except for when you come in and your fangirls follow-”

“fangirls?”

“they always come in after and ask what you’ve ordered and get the exact same thing! i’ve had to start lying to them- you know i can only make so much of every treat!”

“love-”

“look if feyre really prefers clara’s treats, she really doesn’t need to send you in to make me feel better okay?”

“she’s never sent me in here.” 

you froze at his words, “what?”

“well, except for the first time.” azriel wasn’t about to ruin your friendship with feyre or your business just because he was afraid to admit his crush. 

“what the hell are you talking about? you get a lemon tart almost everyday!”

“i wanted to see you.”

“azriel-”

“i hate lemons.” azriel let out a breath at his admission. when your brows furrowed and you could only blink at him he began again, “and sweets. but i wanted to see you again, so i convinced feyre to let me come in for her.”

“i don’t-”

“i was too nervous to ask you out to dinner and i didn’t want to ruin my chances of getting to see you again so i kept it to myself. i’m sorry i made you feel like you lost your friend. i’ll tell feyre that she can come in again and I won’t bother you anymore.” azriel turned to walk away from you and out of the bakery when you grabbed his wrist, preventing him from leaving in embarrassment. 

“you hate lemons?”

“i ugh- yes.” he looked to the ground like a child being reprimanded by their mother. He couldn’t focus not with you touching him. and especially not when you moved your fingers from his wrist to grip his hand in both of yours, bringing it to your chest, and pulling him closer to you. 

“you came in every day to buy lemon-flavored pastries when you hate sweets and lemons?”

“yes.”

“and then you basically paid me double every single time?”

“yes.”

“because you were afraid i might say no to dinner?”

“well when you put it that way-���

before he could defend himself, words tumbled out of your mouth in a rush, “i was thinking about adding on to my menu.”

“what does that have to do with-”

“a new drink menu.”

“i’m not following.”

you smiled up at him, “bitter coffees, protein shakes, limeades, maybe something themed around the inner circle?”

“love-”

“maybe infused milks too? for nyx of course.”

“i really don’t-”

“you’d have to come in, you know- to try them?”

azriel realized that you were giving him an opening. you wanted him to keep coming in, you wanted to see him again. but you weren’t pushing him away or forcing him to ask you out if he wasn’t ready. 

“yeah. i would, wouldn’t i?”

he watched as you let out a soft sigh of contentment, “walk me home?”

he couldn’t think of something he would enjoy more than walking you home, “of course.”

he watched as you finished closing up shop, leaving the dishes for one of your employees in the morning. then as the two of you began walking away from the yellow bakery, you looped your arm through his and smiled before leaning in to whisper something in his ear, “you could’ve asked me out the first time you came in, I would’ve said yes- still would.”

“yeah?”

“mhm.”

after that the two of you walked in silence for a while- comfortable, not forced. 

eventually you stopped in front of an old building that azriel thought fit you perfectly, “yours?”

“yeah. thanks for walking me home, azriel.”

he scratched the back of his neck, “anytime.”

you squeezed his hand before walking up the steps and unlocking the door then you paused, “azriel?”

“yes?”

“my door’s always open.” you turned to him one last time, “dinner’s usually around eight, and i’ve got this nasty habit of making too much food for one person ya know?”

he smiled brighter than normal, grateful that you were the one to make the first move, “well, we wouldn’t want all that food to go to waste now would we?”

fin

Taglist:  @andrewgarfield2022 , @azzydaddy, @off-beam, @elsie-bells, @goldentournesol, @bsenpai-blog, @leeknows-wife, @weirdo-fun, @graciereads, @thecraziestcrayon, @marigold-morelli, @hollyismentallyillhelp, @gamarancianne, @philosopherstoned, @maraudersrry, @acourtofmarvels, @fall-myriad, @ruler-of-hades, @bangtanbecks, @lahoete, @brekkershadowsinger, @lotusnegra, @dream-alittlebiggerdarling, @topaz125, @athena-roy, @tcris2020, @annaeli211-blog, @cullenswife, @fanworrior , @abewitchingwillow , @ksuumin , @naturakaashi , @marina468 , @theravenphoenix26 , @forsiriussake , @mich0731 , @elizarikaallen, @and-i-swear-we-are-infinte, @laylrin

[2baddiesfanfics]

Love and War

Pairing: Ei x Miko

Tags: Desk Sex, Vaginal Fingering, Oral Sex, Angst, Teasing, Masturbation

Summary:

Ei has been locked in her office working furiously away at paperwork as the result of the end of the Vision Hunt Decree. Miko longs to spend more time with her, and decides enough is enough - the only way to get through to her is to do what she does best: Tease.

Read on Ao3

The Raiden Shogun sat at her desk working her way through a seemingly endless stack of paperwork. One pile was dedicated to rescinding the Vision Hunt Decree - detailed apologies while returning visions to their rightful owners, her signature splattered across the parchment in dark purple ink. The other heap was the result of said Decree. For those who weren’t as lucky to have survived bouts of insanity caused by having their source of power so suddenly snatched away, even the sincerest expression of regret would never be enough to atone.

Yae Miko loomed in the doorway, her eyes narrowed in deep concentration. She hasn’t come out of that office in days. She knew her beloved had been inundated with responsibilities the second she had resumed her role as Shogun. This shouldn’t have come as a surprise, and it didn’t - not really, anyway. The Kitsune had grown accustomed to waiting. After 500 years, even a week or two was nothing.

But it didn’t make things any easier. Since Ei’s return, they had made up for lost time any chance they got. Absence makes the heart grow fonder. Miko had always shrugged off that trite mortal phrase before she knew what loving and losing did to a person. Now, every time they were with each other - the bedroom, the shrine, even the darkest corners of the hallways of Tenshukaku - she treated it as if it were the last time she’d ever hold her in her arms again.

A quiet sigh escaped her as she closed and locked the door and approached the desk.

“Ei, dear. How many times must I tell you? Losing yourself over the past will not make the current situation any better.”

The woman hummed in the affirmative, still lost in thought. The kitsune rolled her eyes in exasperation. Oh, for Archons’ sake! What must I say for her to at least glance my way? After a beat, her lips curled upward into a sinister grin, her canines glistening in the dim candlelight of the room. Sauntering over to Ei’s side, she threw her leg over her and situated herself on her lap.

“Miko! What…when did you get here?”

“Dear me. Are you really that dense, Ei?” She pouted as she nuzzled her neck. “I’ve been here watching you for quite some time now.”

“Oh…well, I apologize. I’ve just been so busy,” Ei responded as she absentmindedly ran her fingers through the soft fur of the kitsune’s tail.

Miko whined at her touch. She had to remain strong if this was going to go her way. “Too busy for me?”

“Dearest, can we please not do this? I really need to make it through what’s here,” she pleaded before kissing her forehead and resuming her scribbling.

A little peck like that wasn’t going to satiate the Guuji. She’d be damned if she’d give in this easy. “Ei, you’ve been in here for days. Please…I miss you…” Miko murmured against the soft skin of her lover’s neck, her lips giving way to fangs as she bit down gently.

“Fuck,” Ei groaned. “I’m begging you, Miko…not now.”

This was going to be harder than she thought. “Fine then. Just keep writing. I’ll entertain myself,” Miko mischievously responded.

The Shogun moved to put the nib of her quill to parchment, then froze. She could feel the kitsune slowly sliding up and down her thigh, her moans rumbling against her throat at each thrust of her hips.

“Ohhhhhhhh, Ei. Just feeling your body against mine gets me so wet,” she groaned into her ear. Snapping her writing utensil in half, she could take no more.

“Really letting those animal instincts kick in, are we? Rutting against my leg like the eager little fox you are,” she said as she sat back in the chair and watched her wriggle desperately.

“Please…it’s been days,” Miko whimpered.

Finally pulling her in, the Shogun kissed her hard. Deftly untying the sash of her kimono, it fell to the ground in a quiet whisper of expensive silk.

“My, and nothing underneath! I knew you were scheming,” Ei murmured into her ear before gently nibbling her lobe.

“Ah! How else…was I supposed to…capture your attention?” She gasped in response as she tore at Ei’s kimono, longing to feel her flesh against her own.

“So eager,” Ei mocked with a dark chuckle before the Guuji’s mouth collided with hers. Grabbing her hands, Miko placed them on her breasts. Getting the hint, the Shogun rubbed her thumbs across her nipples and was rewarded with a loud moan.

Her lap already sopping wet from the kitsune’s arousal, she scooped her up and flipped her onto the desk on her stomach. Ei slammed her hips into Miko’s as she stroked and pulled her tail in rhythm. Miko gripped the edge of the desk as she felt the Shogun nudge her legs apart wider and plunged two fingers into her from behind.

“Archons! Ei! Fuckkkkk…” she hissed.

Kissing up her lower back to her shoulder, Ei commanded, “Come for me, minx,” as she bit down.

Miko shuddered around her digits, the strength of her orgasm causing her eyes to water as she screeched out in pleasure. The other woman released her firm grip on her tail, allowing it to swish to and fro as her heart rate stabilized.

“Now that’s more like it,” the kitsune taunted as she turned around and sat on the desk. “About time you did something other than stare at documents all damn day.”

Sinking back into her chair, Ei shot her a look of disdain. “Miko, you know I’d spend every waking moment with you in bed if I could. I’ve just…got a lot on my mind right now. Could you please cut me a little slack? I gave you what you wanted. Can I get back to work?”

The Guuji rolled her eyes. “Love, just because I got what I wanted doesn’t mean you got what you needed. That being said…I don’t appreciate your attitude.” Her glance shifted toward Ei’s lower half, her inner thighs glistening with the evidence of her own arousal. “I suppose you’d like me to take care of that for you?”

Given her status, Ei wasn’t used to nor did she enjoy begging for what she desired. Her pride was precious to her, and Miko was well aware of this weakness. The Shogun’s cheeks turned a light shade of pink as she thought her next words over carefully.

“I’m sure you’ve got your own duties to attend to, so there’s no need.”

“Oh, come now, Ei. We both know how this little game of yours concludes. Why can’t you just admit you’ve missed this? Missed me? Since you seem to think you can take care of yourself…maybe I can work with that.”

The Shogun cocked an eyebrow curiously. “…I’m listening.”

Miko’s lips stretched into a grin. “It’s simple. All you have to do is watch me and do what I’m doing to yourself. Surely you’re capable of that?”

All thoughts of the work that still needed to be done instantly exited Ei’s mind. “I’d say so,” she managed to croak out. Her throat had grown dry at the mere thought of watching Miko touch herself in front of her.

“Good. Let’s get started then.” The kitsune’s long, nimble fingers moved to palm a handful of her breasts. She massaged herself slowly, letting the sensation fuel her confidence. “Well, don’t just sit there gawking. Get moving. You’re not embarrassed, are you?”

Never one to back down from a challenge, Ei shifted to mirror what Miko was doing. “Embarrassed? Not in the slightest. What’s embarrassing is how much you’re enjoying this,” she said as she nodded to where the Guuji’s slick had dripped onto the desktop.

“Archons you’re cocky,” Miko shot back as her fingertips met her nipples and squeezed gently. “But that’s ok. You’ll break sooner…mmm, fuck…or later.” Ei bit the inside of her cheek to stifle the moan that threatened to come forth as she imitated her actions.

“I’m not that easy to break,” she retorted.

“We’ll see about that,” Miko replied, one of her hands slipping down her belly. The Shogun’s eyes followed in rapt attention as the other woman’s fingers slid through her wet folds. “Ahhh…I’m still quite sensitive from that thorough fucking you gave me earlier. Are you sure you don’t want me to…?”

“That won’t be necessary,” Ei ground out.

Miko shrugged. “Suit yourself. I can’t imagine those work-worn, ink-stained fingers of yours could feel any better than ones that know exactly what you like,” she teased as she slipped a finger inside of herself. The Shogun mimicked her, a sharp intake of breath her only response.

She’s got to be close to giving in. What can I do to…oh! Her eyes lit up as she determined her final move. Sliding her finger out, she lifted it to her lips and sucked seductively.

“Hmmm…sweet, but I do miss the way you taste, Ei.”

And with that, she lost control. “Then why don’t you come over and take it, Miko?”

The kitsune nearly launched herself off the desk as she fell to her knees in front of her. Her tongue lapped at her cunt furiously, not wanting a drop to go to waste. Ei’s fist twisted in pink strands of hair, forcing her deeper between her thighs.

“Fuck…Miko…harder…”

Taking her bud between her lips, she sucked with just enough pressure to send her spinning into the abyss.

“MIKO!” Her name sounded like thunder ripping across the room as she looked up at a very disheveled Shogun.

“You don’t know…the meaning of…fighting fair, do you?” She muttered as she tried to catch her breath.

“Well, you know what they say: All’s fair in love and war. I may not know my way around a battlefield like you do, but I certainly have a few tricks up my sleeve when it comes to exploiting weaknesses.”

“You’re too clever for your own good,” Ei huffed as she pulled the woman onto her lap.

“Ei, dear,” she chastised as she caressed her face. “I’m a kitsune. It’s in my nature to outwit.”

The Shogun chuckled and kissed her deeply. “If this was any indication of what I can expect in the future, perhaps I should get on your bad side more often.”

[al-ladito-de-una-candela]

Premonition

Continuing from here 

“Well, well, well... What do we have here?” Niragi’s voice was heard from the other end of the corridor once Chishiya walked out Kuina’s room. He was in company of two men who followed his steps behind him like lost dogs who had found a chaotic owner. As they advanced towards the blonde, the few people around all left in a hurry, not wanting anything to do with them and their intimidating weapons. “I was wondering if you had been killed last night, possibly by the hands of that crazy bitch, who knows? You wanted to go together after all”. Niragi closed the distance, invading Chishiya’s personal space as he parked his two dogs a meter away to get a free range of movement to circle the shorter man as he spoke. “Hatter is looking for you. Executive meeting”, he said, almost into his ear, stopping behind him to try and assert dominance over him, almost as if he wasn’t too confident in the size difference. “You want to know what we have there? I’m sure this will interest you”, and then Niragi turned to his men to spice things up. “Guys, what do we have there?”. The pair only smiled in return, understanding that if by any chance this wasn’t a rethorical question, they were still better off not speaking. “A little birdy”, Niragi added as a punch line, laughing obnoxiously, his breath blowing the few blonde locks Chishiya left out of his bun. “After what she did this morning... maybe they’re about to cut her wings”.

Niragi started to walk away, leading the way to the usual meeting room and making a gesture with his hand for the two men to step aside, uninvited to the place. Once the doors were open, Claire was visible, seating next to Aguni. She had her arms crossed and the tips of her feet were tapping insistently against the floor, clear annoyance was read on her face. However, when she saw Chishiya entering the room, her eyes lit up briefly before focusing back on Hatter who was walking around the room, pensive. Her posture closed back up again when Niragi, absolutely on purpose, walked towards her and took a seat beside her, pushing her towards Aguni with the side of his body as a way to squeeze her between them both. 

“Why? Why is it so hard to get along with each other?”, Hatter began with his speech. “The whole point of the Beach is cooperation. Working together for the greater good. Claire...”, the man sighed, turning to face her in an attempt of being tough, however, her presence softened the rest of what he had planned to say. “Why is it so hard for you to try and blend with the rest?”

“Because one of the most insufferable pieces of this chess board wasn’t able to respect the deal we had agreed upon”.

Hatter arched his brow in surprise. “Speaking like that, you make it seem as if this is some kind of war. A chess board? That’s what this place is for you? People eating each other up?”, and for a brief second, there was the glimmer of madness running through Hatter’s eyes. “Is that why you decided to attack Niragi? Because you are at war with him?” 

“I didn’t attack Niragi. I attacked the apple Niragi was going to take which doesn’t inherently make it even his”, the brunette replied, making Niragi, Aguni and Hatter look at her stunned at her words.”We had a deal. I danced for you; he respected me. I shouldn’t even have to earn the respect of someone. But I still avoided stabbing his hand. And trust me, if I had wanted it, he could have even lost it”. 

“You stabbed my hand and we would be having your burial instead of this meeting, you fucking bitch”, Niragi spat his words, furious. 

“You wouldn’t have been able to enjoy it. You would have been crying in pain to really appreciate it”. 

Niragi was about to smack the shit out of Claire when fortunately, Danma’s fist impacted hard against the table, stopping him in the air. “I do not want to know what you were about to do, Niragi”, the leader chewed his words, threateningly. “And I won’t condone any more violence. Not from you. Not from Claire. The fact that you were able to get a hold of a weapon represents a risk for our community.”

Claire couldn’t help but chuckle. “But you guys leave bread knives out in plain sight every morning.”

Her cheekiness made Hatter smirk. Delighted, he walked a few steps backwards, his open robe flowing with each one of them as he raised his arms in the air. “There it is. The fresh air! Oh, angel, you sure are something else”. And as soon as his burst of excitement began, it ended, turning again into a serious tone. “Listen, I was about to conduct a punishment for the unauthorized use of a weapon. But... as we were waiting for Niragi and Chishiya to come, Aguni was insisting on how talented you were with your aiming”.

The gipsy turned her head to the side to watch the older man in surprise. 

“Yes, he saw you. And, from what you said before, you’re quite confident in yourself as well. That’s why, I’m going to let this slip if... you put that knife throwing art to our service”. 

“What...?”, the brunette asked, confused. 

“Yes. You’re in great form, skilled in knives and with a spirit made of fire. I’m... ‘asking’ you to join the military”. 

“I can’t do that. I don’t know almost anything about weapons. Knives are just... and I dance here. That’s my job”. 

“Aguni will gladly instruct you in everything you need”, Hatter came closer to the table at the negative reaction of the woman. “Angel, think about this. You owe us some payment for what you did this morning. And we agreed that after this game, we would find you an appropiate place here. I’m not going to expose you to any dangers, of course not. I need my great dancer to light my nights up. Just some vigilance tasks. And... you’ll have a room for yourself. That’s what you wanted, right? You’ll sleep next to Niragi’s room, the special area for the military. Maximum comfort. So Chishiya can be free as well and everybody is content, right, Chishiya?”, Hatter asked. 

  @cheshire-shuntaro

[brokenmusicboxwolfe]

Good grief, what the hell was I thinking??

There I was shopping and this guy I’m friendly with at Walmart comes up and asks if I can tale a pot belly pig.

Now I DID tell him I have more than enough animals. But then he starts telling me how a woman he knows might be moving to another state, and can’t take her pet pig. She doesn’t know where to find a home for it, and he knows I have a pet pig and a ton of other beasties, so one more shouldn’t be a problem…

I actually felt guilty for saying no! Me, who sometimes skips on food for me to feed the menagerie I already have!

So I say, well, the pig would have to move in with Ryoga and that might not go at all well. I mean, sure, I’ve always wished he had company, but for a full grown hog with tusks to have a much smaller pot belly pig move in might be dangerous. Ryoga has NEVER had to share anything but my attention. He’s had his own house, his own food, and when I’ve been by his lot he gets 100% of the petting. Ryoga is happy with me sharing oranges or bananas or (currently) grapes with him, but I’m outside the lot and literally the hand that feeds him. For all I know sweet Ryoga might want to kill someone, ahem, “hogging” things!

So I explain I’d be very worried about it working out. And what does the guy say? “Oh, I’m sure he will adjust.” Yeah, YOU are sure! Easy to say when you don’t even have a pig!

But then it’s the sob story, the whole “nowhere to turn” thing, suggesting the very life of the pig is at stake if a home can’t be found, etc.

And I can’t stand it.

I am such a fucking sucker! Why do I have a pet hog? Why do I have five dogs? Why do have about twenty cats on the farm that I take care of? Why did my family have almost every single pet we ever had? Because we are suckers!!! A stray shows up or someone turns to us in desperation because they need to get rid of a pet, and we can’t just say “ Not our problem. Let ‘em die if the shelter can’t find them a home. Or let ‘em fend for themselves. Not our responsibility to save them”

Hell, we once ended up with a rabbit because the owner got sick of them and threatened to make them into stew if we wouldn’t. Seriously, all they had to do was threaten the furball’s life and we went “FINE! We’ll take them!”

But damn it, this time I do NOT have the money to feed another mouth, and I can NOT build another lot just for a new beastie, and NO the pig can NOT move into my house!

**sigh**

Like I said. I’m a sucker.

I let the guy have my phone number so the woman can call me about it if she does end up moving.

I just couldn’t stand the thought of the poor homeless pig in this area where people so casually joke about killing any animal that isn’t a dog (cats included). I mean, they might not threaten to cook him like they do ALL the time about my Ryoga, but I don’t trust people around here to actually love pet pig. Since I’ve had Ryoga I’ve had too many casual chats in stores with people that had a beloved pet pig when they were little that their parents had killed.

But DAMN, this is a BAD idea!

Oh, PLEASE let this woman not move!!!!! ‘Cause if she calls and starts telling me she can’t find anyone else I might find myself with major snouted problem!!

I hate being a sucker for anyone, regardless of number of legs, that seems to meed help….

[thessalian]

Thess vs the BBC

This is going to need to be two rants - one personal, one more ... indicative of the increasingly fascist-leaning hellscape in which I live. Sorry to fans of Doctor Who and a whole bunch of other terrific programming; today we’re flagging up the issues with the BBC.

The British Broadcasting Corporation actually reached its 100th anniversary last year. Well, at least as a private entity. It became a public organisation of the sort it is today in 1927. And ... y’know, they’ve been censoring shit for nearly as long. Back in the day, they wouldn’t refer to Prohibition at all, and pretty much pretended no one existed but the UK. Which ... y’know, still the Empire at that time, eye-rolling but about right for the time period. Thing is, they also shu down discussion of items of local and national politlcal controversy, because the government got upset. So I guess this current situation is old news.

This is ridiculous on so many levels for a country that seems to love its monarchy, however many bags of dicks its monarchy is and how functionally useless said monarchy is in the day to day. See, the internet has been my enabler in one fairly big thing, and that is when I want to figure out how something works or why it is the way it is, I poke at its foundations. Something I’ve been doing since being a kid and taking apart every piece of electronics in the house out of sheer curiosity ... or, like, my own brainspace with the help of coping mechanisms I learned in therapy. For everything else, I have Wikipedia and other stuff all over the internet. Why I’m bothering to go into that right now is because I was desperate to find out what the BBC’s official creed was. Because it’s not going to be written down as “We will do whatever the government says like good little mouthpieces” ... right? Right, actually. I’ve had a look at the BBC Charter as provided by the royals (which mostly waves people at Ofcom, the Office of Communications) and the accompanying document that clearly states that the editors of programmes are entitled to make decisions without influence from the owner.

Thing is ... ownership of the BBC is a bit tricky at the minute. Thatcher privatised a lot of it in her day, and the license fee freeze awhile back had to have also hurt. Hell, the BBC’s space on the politlcal spectrum’s been in question for a very long time. Usually it’s been left-leaning individuals thinking that the BBC is full of right-wing types and leans very right in its reportage, while Tories from Thatcher on down insisisted that the BBC was very culturally left-wing and that the establishment was “fighting against it”. Which ... is honestly kind of good, if you think about it. If the left thinks it’s right-leaning, and the right thinks it’s left-leaning, that suggests some kind of impartiality or at least lack of favouritism.

Well. Here we are in 2023 and even that nod to impartiality has gone out the fucking window.

First there’s the transphobia thing. Because, seriously - it keeps apologising to Rowling any time it isn’t purely complimentary or supportive of her TERF bullshit, and then there was the “We’re being pressured into sex by some trans women” article, which was literally, “lesbians feel obliged and pressured into having sex with trans women” with a skew towards “trans women aren’t women so lesbians shouldn’t feel obliged to have sex with them”. That one did at least get looked at by the complaints department, but despite the whole “your sample size is too small and thus your data is inconclusive” nature of the poll this shit was based on, it still exists at the moment. So ... yeah, sorry, BBC’s perfectly happy to keep this transphobic bullshit going.

This was over a year ago, when focus was a bit more Covid-directed, and it wasn’t specifically focused on acts of censorship and direct pandering to the current party in government. Now, though ... now we have serious pandering bullshit. So let’s talk for a little bit about Gary Lineker. I mean, there’s not that much to talk about - he used to play football (for the North Americans, just assume that I mean ‘soccer’ whenever I say ‘football’; it saves time), he has also been the face of our biggest-name potato chip brand, and has been presenting a football programme - Match of the Day. (I can’t think of an American version exactly but the best comparison I have is Hockey Night in Canada.)

Thing is, he also has a Twitter account. And opinions about the UK government’s unlawful (by ECRH standards and UN standards) treatment of asylum-seekers arriving in small boats. Apply the second to the first, and you have the BBC apparently cancelling him. Like, literally said, “Okay, you’re critical about the government’s policies, you can’t present a football programme until you’re back in lockstep”. To which Lineker and his co-presenters and a lot of potential incumbents said, “Okay, then we won’t present”. So currently the BBC will be having Match of the Day with out commentators. So if you happen to see a lot of jokes about Boris Johnson or Jacob Rees-Mogg sitting on an obvious set for a TV programme ... that’s why; the jokes have been huge about getting only the rightest of right-wing pundits to present the show because apparently that’s what the BBC wants right now.

And no, that’s not even really joking, given the post I made yesterday about the BBC refusing to air a David Attenborough nature documentary series because of the potential for “right-wing backlash”. Apparently we don’t want anyone worrying about climate change because that’s not in the interests of the right wing at present. Sooooooo ... yeah, that’s a thing.

Honestly, never been so unhappy to have paid my TV licence in my life. I don’t even really need one; I don’t watch anything on the BBC, or live television at all. I only pay the fucking thing just in case I one day might want to watch live TV and because the constant hounding letters from the TV licence people give me anxiety. Which is probably the plan at the end of the day, which pisses me off. See, that’s where the BBC gets all its money - from our licence fees. And of course, the government sets the value of the TV licence. So you see where the government has the BBC by the short and curlies, and you kind of have to wonder, have the Tories already applied pressure, or is the BBC just rolling over pre-emptively? Either way, most of the ‘independent’ (or rather, non-government-funded) news organisations are owned by Rupert Murdoch, who’s also excessively right wing. So suffice to say that a whole lot of our news is skewed that way for one reason or another. Living here is getting a little terrifying.

[suriel]

The Story of Loki and Suriel

A long time ago, in a galaxy known as Southern California, a girl met a boy. It shouldn’t have happened, but it did, and it led to thousands of days of love and tears and adventure and music and laughter and sadness and dogs and cats and pain and Buggs and more love.

This is our story.

Look, I’d love to start with the good stuff, the festivals, the European jaunt, the outrageous parties and club nights and some mind-blowingly amazing things, but you need to know how it started.

For reasons too boring to go into, I didn’t go to college right out of high school, but instead, enrolled as a freshman at the ripe old age of 23. I felt ancient, ridiculous, out of place. Excruciatingly awkward. But I needed to do something with my life, and public colleges were unbelievably cheap in the long-ago time of 1990. And so there I was. I had only vague degree ideas, and so chose classes I’d like: photography, music appreciation, and a couple more classes to round things out. I wanted to take French, which I’d taken in high school & enjoyed, but the class was full SADFACE.

Happily, there existed the petition system, and it worked like this: If you didn’t show up to the first day of class, you were automatically dropped, and your place given to petitioners, in the order they signed the petition sheet. So I rocked up to French first thing, put my name down, and sure enough, by the end of class, there were several no-shows & I got in.

The class was full of teenagers, one much older woman, and some older students more my-age-ish. And in that group, a boy. Shock of California-white hair, nice arms, blue-blue-blue eyes, full lower lip. Definitely on the punk/goth/alternative spectrum, not quite polar opposite to my suburban-late-80s-tinged-with-metal look. Anyway. He looked interesting. And cute.

Our French class followed one that always ran over, so every day we queued in the hall. And one day, I found myself in the queue next to the boy, and as the result of a pep talk from my stepmonster of all people, I talked to the boy. Opened my mouth and said words, but because Awkward AF, what I said was, “I’m mugging you and taking your jacket.” (It was a fantastic grey blazer, of a type I’d been on the lookout for. How convenient that the boy had arrived with one!)

He blinked. “OK.” He probably shrugged, too, but class went in and that was the end of that. I basically writhed in an agony of embarrassment the entire class. 

It was a long class, 3 hours, broken into 2 bits with a break in between, during which a loose group of us would get snacks in the quad. As we exited the room that day, I felt something on my shoulders. The boy had draped his jacket there. Confused and awkward, I took it off. “I can’t take this, you’d never see it again.”

Curse you, memory, that I can’t remember what he said or how he looked. Ageing fucking sucks, and chronic conditions that rob one of memories suck even worse. 

I gave back the jacket, but we bantered the entire break, finally landing on natural disasters. I’m from Chicago, so I favor tornadoes, that you generally see coming. The boy preferred earthquakes - pure chaos, happening anywhen, anywhere, who knows! I’d lived in SoCal for 7 years and not felt a single one. Like I’d been in my car for the Northridge quake, and had to hear about it on the news. 

So French was my last class of the day, and I rolled home with a neighbor friend who’d gone back to college with me. We stopped at 7-11 for cigarettes, probably, and while I was browsing the aisles for a snack, I started feeling really weird, dizzy and strange. Looking up, I watched the owner of the 7-11 leap his counter and run into the parking lot, along with half the store.

It was a fucking earthquake. 

Well, at least this gave me something to talk to the boy about. Berate the boy about. Perhaps punch lightly in the upper arms about. 

So I did. 

And slowly, over the course of a Southern California spring, the boy and I became friends. 

His name was Loki. He had been a jock whilst also being a punk. Was a musician. Loved physics. Had turned down the Navy’s nuclear program. He told me about Douglas Adams, Monty Python, entropy. 

I can’t remember if I had anything good to share about anything other than books at that point. Personal anecdotes maybe. We’d traveled a good deal when I was growing up so maybe that? I can’t imagine it was earth-shattering, I was 23. And sheltered, and awkward af, and such a nerd. 

Even with all that, we started hanging out outside of school. Met at the mall once, because SoCal in the 90s. Lunches, walks, browsing the little shops around the college. And then he asked me to go clubbing with him.

My friends, I have explained that I was into metal, but also listened to KROQ on the sly and was already slightly familiar with alternative in general and Lullaby in particular, but my first goth club was the very underground Helter Skelter. 

Y’all. Y’ALL. I was entranced. 

My goth cherry was well and truly popped and the flowering had begun. The first song I danced to was Big Hollow Man. I felt ridiculous dancing alone, but no one else was dancing with anyone else -- nor dancing like anyone else -- and I started to relax. A bit. About the club, not about anything else, like I was in some skeevy corner of Hollywood at a club that didn’t even open until 11, but I was there with Loki and that was ok. Squirmy but ok. 

So I’d been living, since finishing high school, with my boyfriend/fiance and his mom, but things were meh, and that’s all you need to know about that relationship. I was honestly better friends with his mom -- like, to this very day -- but because I was living with them on the cheap, and didn’t have a lot of dollars because I wasn’t working, I felt a little stuck. Also this was my first long relationship & breakups are hard. So I sort of cheated. Emotionally I cheated like whoa. Physically less so but yeah. Oh, and his mom knew, had met Loki & liked him, so there I was.

And every time I went somewhere with Loki, I was an anxious mess. Worried about being seen with him, being caught, being found out. Stomach churning, hands shaking, sweaty palms levels of anxiety. His band played a show on Earth Day, and I went to see them, but a friend of my BF’s mom was there and I panicked and fled. 

Despite that, there were some good moments. He took me on a picnic to Corona Del Mar, and we had our first kiss on the old lifeguard station that faces the harbor. (Fun fact: I’d taken a pic of that very stand on a whale watch cruise we did in high school just a few years before.) 

I can’t remember any details, but as the end of term neared, things were coming to a head, and my dad provided my escape route: He offered to pay for me to attend university -- yay! But -- in the swamp -- boo! Except-- what better way to end my relationship with HS BF than to move a thousand miles away? Perfection! Except-- I’d have to leave Loki, too.

I told him the deal. We’d met at a mall near his house, and by the end, we were driving across the street to a travel agency, where he booked a flight to the swamp for August.

So my mom & brother rocked up with a U-Haul and a trailer for my CRX, and we drove through the desert southwest and into the swampy south in June in cars with no air conditioning. How did I survive? Bauhaus.

A few days before I was set to leave, I had one last lunch with Loki, a picnic (what else?) on his lunch break. He gave me his precious copy of 1979-1983 Side 2 on cassette, kissed me when I drove him back to work after. 

So I rolled across the country learning the words to Kick in the Eye, appreciating the Hollow Hills of east Texas, singing along to She’s in Parties, Spirit, Crowds. It was my first goth tape and I fucking loved it. Soaked it in for a thousand miles.

(When we arrived in the swamp, my stepbrother and his girlfriend were there to welcome me and take me for food. I offered to drive, but said, “Hope you won’t mind my music.” “What is it?” Donna asked. “Bauhaus?” “LOVE ‘EM!” And so I met my Swamp Bestie.)

School was school. I was again alone and awkward as fuck and did not make friends at school, but that was ok because after dinner that first night, Donna had taken me to the bar where the cool kids hung out. I had gotten well hammered on one Flaming Dr Pepper and had had to be driven home by Peter, destined to be Loki’s best man at our wedding. Funny how things work out. Anyway, I met many of my future gang in that first 24 hours.

But this is about Loki and I, so let’s fast-forward to August. He flew into Baton Rouge, an hour away, and he spent the entire drive back touching my arm, nuzzling on my neck, staring at my profile lit by headlights on the highway. We got back to the house, up to my room, and suddenly Things Were Happening and I was Not Ready but we pressed on. This I remember. The dark room, inhaling the scent of him, the satin feel of his skin, the muscles in his back, that ass so help me gods. It did not go well. It was -- I was so awkward. I misunderstood a suggestion, blurted out a boundary in the most awkward possible phrasing -- like, it became a catchphrase -- and he laughed, but in a sweet way, and held me until I fell asleep. The first time I’d relaxed with his arms around me. It felt so fucking good.

One day during his visit, we went to Avery Island, the Jungle Gardens. We got out of the car at the only place you’re allowed to (because alligators), at the Buddha, and sat on his hill, leaning against his glass case, watching a storm roll in. We kissed in the rain, and he told me he loved me. I said it right back.

At the airport. Can’t see for tears. “Ask me to stay,” he said in a low voice. I was shocked, taken aback. “I can’t do that -- this is the swamp.” I couldn’t subject anyone to this. Heat. Humidity. Racism. Terrible roads. My stepmonster. 

And so he left. Got in a plane and flew away, whilst I drove home sobbing.

After I moved away in June, he wrote to me literally every day. A physical letter. With a stamp and everything. Usually a dinosaur stamp, too, because dinosaur stamps are cooler than boring regular stamps. Every day. Sometimes there were packages full of little trinkets. Pretty stones. Small gadgets. Mysterious machines.

After his visit, the letters missed a day or two here or there. Maybe three. The packages stopped coming. We didn’t talk on the phone a lot because long distance charges (kids, ask your parents), but when we did talk, I asked him to come for winter break. He finally agreed. I bought his ticket with money I didn't really have. 

This time he flew into New Orleans, two hours away. We drove home straight away again, but it wasn’t the same as August, not the same at all. We spent the first night in a sweaty tangle, but turns out that was because he had food poisoning from airplane food. He spent the first day hugging the toilet.

We ended his trip with a day in New Orleans before his flight. I showed him all my favorite places in the French Quarter. We ate bread pudding with bourbon sauce, and found a bar with Bauhaus on the jukebox, and had amazing shower sex, and did not talk at all about anything important. At the airport, he told me he’d met a girl, and I can’t remember anything after that, except that now I had twice the drive home & I still couldn’t see for tears. 

Of course I was heartbroken, but I was also young and hot with a circle of young and hot friends and in a place where a party or a club or a festival is happening all the time. It’s like alcohol was the religion & I was running for High Priestess. I had no end of fun, while also pining heartbrokenly for Loki. Much terrible poetry was written. 

I’ll have words about my sojourn in the swamp later, perhaps, because it was crammed full of adventures, but let’s fast forward two years.

It is the summer of 1992. Loki and his hag have moved to the desert, because that’s where she grew up & she wanted to go back. Also it’s cheaper than SoCal. 

Meanwhile, I have dropped out of university and am now living with Peter (more stories!), and Hurricane Andrew is bearing down upon us. It is my first hurricane & it sounds like it’s gonna be bad. We gather supplies, tape the windows, fill the bathtubs and get hammered. I call Loki.

“Hurricane Andrew is coming. I’m probably going to die. I still love you.”

I pass out. I awaken in the morning to horrific destruction -- everywhere but Peter’s neighborhood. I lived!

Nothing more is said. 

Until …

October.

Loki calls me. He is hammered.

“The Hag’s been fucking all her exes. I’ve kicked her out. Come live with me?”

Two weeks later I was in the desert.

[observer-of-the-world]

Okay i haven't read everything bc it's a lot but i have to talk about this

I worked on a huge YouTube channel here in brazil for a few months and although i don't think they're as deranged as MrBeast, it was still weird as fuck

First of all, the e-mail advertising the positions they were looking for was extremely unprofessional, to the point that if it hadn’t been vetted by my uni I'd think it was a scam or something. They're a children's channel so they used very informal language, and I kid you not, one of the questions on the application form was "what’s your favorite movie?"

I mean, it doesn’t fucking matter??? I'm gonna do my job regardless of the project being similar to my favorite movie/genre or not. This shouldn’t be a deciding factor.

And then pay vs job. The position was advertised as an internship, and i thought I would be mentored by someone, which ended up not being true. Someone would give me the assignments but I'd have to figure out on my own how to do them. I was okay with that because of the pay, which was a bit more than most internships, but it also made me raise an eyebrow.

Well, in the end my concern became reality: it wasn't an internship. They just advertised it as such so they could hire students. They ended up firing a friend and I because we couldn’t work 8 hours a day (because of uni) and they hired someone to do my job but 8 hours a day FOR THE SAME PAYMENT.

This was their plan all along, keep us there until they found a sucker that would work more than us for the same payment.

Also in the first meeting they said they were looking for people who "would give their everything until they became a part of the family" which just irked me sooo bad, and they did end up requiring some whacky shit from us.

And then the job itself.

We were supposed to get all the scripts for the following week on friday, so we could get there on monday already aware of what we had to do/buy, cause monday was the day we went shopping for supplies (let’s ignore us having to do the reading during our off time). Except this never happened in the 5 months i worked there. Not a single time were they delivered on time, sometimes they would get there on WEDNESDAY of the following week (so 5 days late) and we had to scramble to get shit done on time.

Also, they were sooo averse to the organization used in movies, they were against any kind of organization, we asked for a certain document in our first week and they gave us a document, we said that wasn't it, the one we were asking for was supposed to be a lot more detailed, so the person got mad and told us that was all they had and we had to make it work.

Whenever we tried to show them a document and be like "this is really helpful! It would make everyo one's lives easier!" they would immediately shut us down with "we don't do that here".

OH ANOTHER THING I JUST REMEBERED!!

They hired us as if each of us was a "company" instead of a person (which is fine and legal here), EXCEPT that means we shouldn’t have fixed working hours. This model of hiring you get paid for doing the job (for example: 5 props for a video) so it doesn’t matter if i took 30 minutes or 3 weeks to do the job yk, it’s like, instead of perks like paid health insurance and everything as an employee you get flexible working hours and home office.

BUT THAT DIDN’T HAPPEN!!! I HAD FIXED HOURS!!! IN PERSON!!! WHICH WAS ILLEGAL!!!

IF YOU DON'T WANNA GIVE ME EMPLOYEE PERKS YOU AREN'T ALLOWED TO REQUIRE I WORK ON AN EMPLOYEE SCHEDULE!!!

And one day i had to paint a wooden box. Easy enough right, just paint it plain red? Well, it would be if we had any kind of paint. We had ran out of spray paint and acrylic paint a few weeks before and even though i had requested more to be bought, they hadn't. So i went to my boss, who just told me to "figure a way to do it and get it done" and not to bother the Boss (aka the YouTuber and owner of everything).

I found some red cardboard and decided to line the box with it, and it actually turned out quite nicely. Well, the next day i discovered my boss didn’t agree with me and yelled at me to hell and back about ir, saying it looked disgusting and asking why i hadn’t talked to her about the paints. When i told her i had and she had dismissed me, she just said "well it doesn’t matter, you shouldn’t have done this garbage."

One day they sent my friend to buy some peppers, he asked how much and they just told him "however much he thought was needed" and then yelled a lot at him when the amount he brought wasn't enough.

Another day he was tasked to send the costumes they used to be dry cleaned. When he told them he couldn’t because he had a court hearing that day they flipped out. He was literally about to face his abuser in court and these people were more worried about shitty costumes.

Anyways, i just wanted y'all to know this isn’t just a MrBeast thing, it’s a big youtubers' thing. People whose earnings come from YouTube are a fucking nightmare to work with and I hope i never work with any of them ever again

Hi I'm that person who made the original post about "no doesn mean no" when a small bit of the mr beast company document was leaked, well, now we have the full document (thanks rosanna) so I'm going to go over it. Please note I am not a lawyer or a business man, I'm in college for psychology, so I might misunderstand some things or make the wrong conclusion. However, if this is a document made for the average mr. beast employee, if I cannot understand it properly, then im sure some employees also struggled

First of all, the opening paragraph. Like I get it's supposed to be like, to put people at ease, but

This is so strange? Like, first of all, this is your EMPLOYEE MANUAL, you should have run it through like, a spell check? Or had someone edit it? This is already incredibly unprofessional. Also the promising of a thousand dollars if you pass a quiz on it? It's bizarre and I'd love to see if it's an actual quiz.

Jimmy, hun, please god get an editor for this you're already trying my patience.

YOU SHOULD, you genuinely should, while interconnected these are all COMPLETELY different jobs, if you think you could write a separate manual for each branch you SHOULD

I'm sure I'm about to get an answer but what the fuck is the best YOUTUBE video then? If it's not comedy, its not production, its not quality, its not look, then what the hell is left? (monetization, it's monetization)

First of all, Jimmy, why are you using internet lingo in this, it's not a text message, this is not a place for, idc, and lol, and not capitalizing your headers correctly??? Also like I said, he's chasing trends for monetization, and also he's just wrong, there are plenty of hollywood level shows and the like on youtube. You fully admit you do not care about trends and actively rush things?

This is just fucked??? Like of COURSE IT MATTERS??? Results based company is bullshit, your employees that worked for five weeks and failed aren't "lesser" then James, it's a structural failure! They still worked for HOURS to try and succeed?? That shows merit and loyalty??? What the fuck???

Rosanna covers this one in her video but it's worth restating that this is FUCKED??? It's clear overwork "your job is your family" culture. Especially the use of the word obsessive? If you do not OBSESS over your work, you are considered poisonous. NO WONDER we have so many reports of employees doing things they feel is dangerous or unsafe, if they don't they're considered POISON to the company.

The formatting in this doc continues to fucking kill me, what are you DOING man GET AN EDITOR

This feels like such an easy fix of just...make the thumbnail after the fact? Or only make a rough draft of one first? Like if production makes a red bouncy castle instead of a yellow one, that feels like an easy fix to the thumbnail OR a communication error, and again, that's on management

A lot of the next stuff is like analytics stuff that for the most part I can't really speak on as someone who does not do any of this stuff. There are a few things though

Which like???? what??? a lull??? what do you mean "watching a video without even realizing they are watching a video??" That doesn't scream good or even mediocre content to me. If I'm actively tuning out as I watch a video, that's bad. Especially because there have been plenty of times I've been like half way through a video i go "hey this sucks actually" and click off. They actively want their audience to not be paying attention to the video so it runs all the way through, that's kinda pathetic.

I don't actually know if this is common or not in this industry, but as an outsider this seems INCREDIBLY micromanaging to me, to an immense degree.

Jimmy why are you putting swears in your employee manual?? sir??? and also something about this whole thing icks me out, I don't quite have the words but the whole emphasis on "im different im special no one else can be me" just reeks of something kind of manipulative

Why is production changing so much Jimmy??? Infinite growth is the mindset of a cancer cell Jimmy! This is incredibly unstable working conditions! Also again with the word obsession, if you take time out of your own day on your own time to watch hulu, that's seen as not being obsessed enough for the company. This is nonsensical!

Again, this is INSANELY micromanaging, and also so fucking unhinged??? "God himself couldn't stop you from making this video on time" is NOT a healthy work mindset, things HAPPEN!!!

In this segment he's actually talking normal things but I did just want to highlight his use of "freaken" who the hell puts that in an EMPLOYEE MANUEL

Again with the micromanaging, and the immense pressure on employees for problems OTHER people do. While he's not fully wrong that you should be in more contact with the contractor then the example, this is too much in the other direction. How much time in the day does he think people have?!

My kingdom for a fucking paragraph break dude, my fucking eyes. Also this is a lot of "im so great and do everything and you should do more for me and if i dont know something that's your fault" for something titled "I am not always right"

I'm getting lazy with my highlighting, but again, the micromanaging? If you're SOOO busy, the first question should be the ideal? it's quick and makes a quick decision, while the second one meanders and meanders

Again, Jimmy is pushing blame for HIS mistakes on OTHER PEOPLE. For again, a section called "i am not always right" hes taking NO accountability for that and just making the SAME excuses he's berating in other places.

I can't even tell what he means here AN EDITOR JIMMY

Autism Hell tm, PLEASE email me so I can DOUBLE CHECK IT, things in writing are SO useful

Again the language towards "C-Players" which as mr beast has said, are the people who y'know, are NORMAL employees who DON'T live and breathe this company

Okay first of all, a Lamborghini is like 300k so that's already A REALLY hard task, and i sure hope don't usually put typos in the tasks. SECOND of all the fact he thinks its okay to go "hey if the studio is literally on fire around you and you stop working to get the Lamborghini, you're not doing good enough" even if he claims it as a joke is NOT OKAY what the FUCK

We've covered this before, but to reiterate this segment is named after a sexual assault reference when it could have been named ANYTHING ELSE and harasses employees and pressures them to break rules, don't do that.

I'm not an editor, so maybe this is normal, but as someone from the outside it seems strange to put this much emphasis on dividing focus between so many videos at once.

Jimmy, hun, are you paying extra for this? Because if I'm an editor and you want me FILMING stuff then i want to be paid more for doing TWO jobs and I probably still wont be as skilled a TRAINED CAMERA MAN

First of all now THAT'S a type, consteatants. Also the fact they are aware that leaving contestants out in the sun is bad, why are you not doing MORE TO STOP IT BEYOND "hey maybe giving them three hours of heatstroke is bad, try only two next time"

Don't we love favoritism, more shitty unprofessional writings, and a completely unstable work environment?

If your people have to pull all nighters period something is wrong, and if something happens to an employees car that could have seriously hurt someone, i sure hope you care more then just "LOL FUNNY" Who's picking up the broken glass? Who's reimbursing the car owner? That one meme of "your first care should be commitment to the bit" is a MEME jimmy, it's not ACTUAL ADVICE

Ah shit I hit image limit, well, you've seen enough screenshots to know these are screenshots, we're almost done I'll put them in as quotes

"Let’s say you are tasked with finding us a castle to live in for 50 hours and while doing research you find a castle and a number to call for the owner. So you do call, and he answers. Only problem is he says he quit the castle renting business to pursue his dream of building a 100 foot tall lego catapult. You can obviously tell where i’m going with this. Ideally you’d recognize that’s badass as fuck and try to convince him to let us use it when we do find a castle. This is a bad example because it’s so obvious but if you’re doing your job right you will be doing an absurd amounts of calls and data collecting. While trying to complete your prios and prepare for the video you should always be on the lookout for new things you can bring to your creative team to inspire them. Because just like me, they don’t know what they don’t know and you can’t just say “i’m in production and i’m not very creative” because that’s literally the equivalent of saying I suck at what I do. You also need to apply this same mindset when problem solving because many people lose sight of this stuff when in the weeds. If a problem appears, always always always ask yourself if your new plan is whats best for creative, not just the easiest bandaid."

First of all it's really funny seeing all the red lines pop up, second of all this insistent blurring of everyone's job seems so strange? Again maybe this is normal, but it really feels like Jimmy wants everyone working every job, instead on focusing on what they are actually hired to do.

"What is the goal of our content?

To excite me. The goal of our content is to excite me. That may sound weird to some of you, especially if you’re new but to me it’s what’s most important. If I'm not excited to get in front of that camera and film the video, it’s just simply not going to happen."

That's fucking weirddddd, like I get that he's trying to be like "im authentic" but it always feels like a bad sign when the goal of a company is literally just "What amuses the boss" like...bad sign

"this is youtube and there are constraints. You know the video can’t be a minute so you’re obviously going to need a story to hold the viewers and there are rules to storytelling. Our audience is massive and because of that you have to be simple, for 50 million people to understand something it must be simple. Content can be anything but there is structure and rules that we must mold it into that I want to teach you about, because virality doesn’t just happen. Every frame of our videos will be seen by 10s of millions of people"

Gross

"I'd say the average MrBeast viewer is a teenage memer that likes video games."

Mr Beast is completely aware of his demographic and puts screen shots of it, he is very aware his stuff is aimed at kids, even when its about gambling or hiring people not around near minors

"I feel silly for having to write this but all the time I talk to 32 new people that have at most seen like 5 or 6 of our videos and it’s mind blowing that they don’t see a problem with that lol."

It's almost like your audience is teenage memer and that people who working here are not in fact, teenage memers.

"What you consume on social media, when you watch youtube, tv, the games you play, etc. are what I like to call your information diet.

How do you stay up to date on the latest memes? How do you know what’s going on with celebrities? What’s trending on youtube? What other creators are doing? What’s popping on tik tok? Your information diet. Consume things on a daily basis that help you write better content."

If my job as a creative writer had my boss tell me to have to see whats "popping on tik tok" as part of my job i'd quit also again, the micromanaging of someone's life as well pops up again, it's weirddd

"It’s okay for the boys to be childish

If talent wants to draw a dick on the white board in the video or do something stupid, let them. (assuming they know all the risks and arn’t missing context on why it’s not safe) People like when we are in our natural element of stupidity. Really do everything you can to empower the boys when filming and help them make content. Help them be idiots"

More favoritism

"If you’ve made it this far you are probably at least semi interested in this being your career. So I wanted to chat about it. Because if you're ambitious and want to dedicate your life to work, you picked the best company in America to do it at. I really don’t care to hoard a bunch of money and I deeply believe in rewarding the people that help this business get where it needs to be. But before I get into that, let’s talk about the future. As I write this we have 2 teams, that will grow to 4 in the next year. (and possibly 8 in the next 2 years but I can’t talk about that cause james will kill me haha). We need more leaders in the company. Weneed hard working, obsessive, coachable, intelligent, grinders that can step up and take some of these leadership spots over the next 2 years. Every single department has an opportunity for you to grow in and you’re in luck because we don’t do yearly reviews. We do whenever the fuck you want reviewes"

Lack of communication from management, and more emphasis on grinding and crunch culture, goodie, all while riddled with typos! God.

"I see a world where this company is worth billions and one day 10s of billions. And those of you that help build this will be rewarded. I want nothing more then for you to go all in, obsessive all day everyday, and become so god dam valuable this company can’t operate without you. And in return for becoming so valuable I hope to give you incredible experiences, a fun place to work, and of course, more money then you could ever dream of making at any other company."

I feel like I'm reading a fucking pyramid scheme document here, "youre so so valuable spend literally every minute of every day on this company haha" good GOD man

[chilopodacrudus]

Who do you Want to Be? Chapter 11: Flooded Fields

CW: Graphic depictions of violence; cannibalism, cults, (extremely NON romanticized) physical and verbal abuse, major character death, death, blood and torture.

This is the 'I feel like we may have forgotten that Piers is also a very bad man' chapter.

Piers and Allison had made their way over to the bed; rather, Allison half carried the drugged man herself. Allison wasn’t weak; she could hold her own in a fight, she was taller than Casey even, around 5’7” Casey felt safer around her than the other way around. Allison’s adrenaline kicked up seeing Piers like this; she felt like she was in danger and not just from Johnny this time but she had to do something to help Piers, help herself, keep her hands firmly latched around that ‘something’ that stirred him to save her in the first place. She was running out of time.

Piers: A growl escaped his lips as he rubbed his hands along his stomach; looking over to Allison he signed. “(I’m starving. Can’t eat with this on though.)” He grabbed at the muzzle and shook it; finally getting the strength to test how sturdy it was, he shouldn’t have done that. He yowled in pain and winched causing Allison to cup her arms around him as he panted sharply. He gently pushed her away so he could sign “(It’s bolted into my skull.)”

Allison: Her eyes went wide as she read his words; she knew Johnny was sadistic, she had seen a lot of what he was capable of but she felt a sick sense that he was waiting to do this for awhile now. “I’m sorry Piers…hold still a second let me look at it.” She got close to his face; hands gently grasping along the intricacies of the contraption. She peered inside; trying her best to tuck her fingers in the gaps, she felt electronics, she had no idea what they did so she left them alone. She shook her head at Piers defeated. “I can’t find anything obvious but I’ll keep looking...we’ll...get through this.” She said mostly to reassure herself than Piers.

Piers: He doubted that; at least briefly but he still had some fight in him. He laughed under his breath nodding and signed. “(I have a few ideas.)” He didn’t really but he was also not a liar; he had…ideas...just vague ones, for now.

Allison: Her eyes lit up; Piers was pleased to see it, he wanted to say anything to keep her hopes up, that was very important for those somethings he was thinking of. Before she could say anything else however someone walked in.

Johnny: “Pardon the intrusion you two…” Piers eyes rolled so hard he nearly passed out. “Forgot something; please forgive me Piers, I’m a bad owner after all.” He took out a small black electronic device from his pocket and pressed one of the buttons; the latch inside of Piers’ mask opened and Piers could finally open his mouth. Piers jerked forward and panted but before he could speak; Johnny continued. “Brought you some food too; to make up for it.” A young man is thrown down the stairs rather unceremoniously; hands bound and gagged but legs free. Johnny; satisfied, spoke in a sing song tone. “You’re welcome...oh and...Piers…” He gave a cruel smile. “Feeding a pet is expensive and my pockets may be deep but...this might be the last chance you get to eat for…” He clenched his teeth together tightly and whistled. “Awhiiile so…” He shrugged to him and laughed waving as he walked back up the stairs; ‘morals huh Piers let’s see how those morals of yours work’.

Young Man: He had been in Johnny’s system for awhile now. Stolen unceremoniously from his home a few weeks before. He hadn’t endured much; yet, didn’t know what was coming either. Frantic breaths as he tried to scramble to his feet; moving as far away from Piers as he could. ‘Oh this is it then; this is the dog he said he was being fed to. Sick...sick shit oh fuck this is sick shit.’ He tried to say something and jerked his head to the side at Allison. She looked too nice to be here; he would try to plead with her instead.

Allison: Her eyes went wide; she held onto Piers when Johnny was there, the situation hadn’t dawned on her yet, not until she noticed Piers increasingly dark look in his eye. She whispered to him. “Piers...you wouldn’t...you can’t do that Piers you...we’ll find another way; J...Johnny’s just fucking with you he’s trying to make you something you’re not. Don’t let him in Piers.” She felt that ‘something’ that connection; veer off a cliff.

Piers: He looked at her; a sorrowful look that didn’t match the smile she could now see crawling up the edge of his lips. Slipping his hands along Allison’s face he kissed her cheek with his lips quivering and shook his head a desperate look in his eye as his voice steadied from a light whisper into a darker, much more sinister tone. Allison’s name biting his tongue with it’s sweetness yet again. “Allison…” He shook his head again. “Johnny isn’t just...fucking with me...and…” He pulled her close suddenly and whispered into her ear eyes wide and manic. “I’m a bad...bad man…I’m going to need you to lay here and keep your eyes closed...please.”

Allison: She clenched her eyes shut and flared her nostrils feeling like she was being held by a jaguar rather than the man she urged herself to trust what felt like moments before. “Don’t...please don’t...I can find something else for you to eat. There’s got to be something; I can sneak something in here for you just anything, not this.”

Piers: He let her go and stood up; glancing down at her with a calmer look. The latch inside of him; the pressure, the pain, snapped and the flood gates opened. His mind reeled but at least; he was thankful, that this time, at least this one time, Allison would at least be spared the aftermath. He turned towards the man and cocked his head to the side. “Don’t get involved with this Allison; you know what Johnny would do to you.”

Allison: She was beside herself in grief; Piers was a monster, she never knew why she doubted it, never knew why she let herself get attached. But she obeyed; she curled up on the bed, clenching her eyes closed, holding her hands firmly against her ears and cried softly to herself. ‘He can still help; he can still help, if he’s weak and unfed he can’t so...this is good...this is a good thing.’ She wanted to scream; she was losing her mind.

Piers: He made his way over to the terrified man on the floor now attempting to yell; he salivated and felt nothing for it, felt no shame. “You…” He untied the gag from his mouth. “Ssssshhh...tell me...what’s your name…”

Jessie: The screaming immediately stopped when Piers eyes caught his own. Rapid panting as he felt the man’s strangely gentle touch against his face; he hadn’t heard the conversation across the room, choosing to feign ignorance. “J...Jessie…my name’s Jessie.” Jessie’s eyes searched Piers; frantic to latch onto something, his gaze felt warm and welcoming, it confused him.

Piers: He rolled his eyes back; Jessie’s name teasing at his tongue. “Jessie…” He looked off to the side...”Jessie...I’ll remember that name...I promise you. Now…” He cradled the man in his arms and pulled his head back; he figured the quickest way to do this, the most painless way to do this, was to go for the throat. Tucking his mouth against Jessie’s ear he whispered tenderly. “Close your eyes Jessie...and I’ll make it quick.”

Before Jessie had time to even process what was happening to him; he was seized by the throat by the lockjaw trap now firmly secured to Piers mouth. ‘A dog huh’ Piers thought as Jessie’s blood spilled down his throat; feeling the attempts of a scream making him bite down harder. ‘I can be that...for a little while…’ As he felt the man’s body grow more still he ripped his head back; the amount of flesh the mask’s fangs took with him surprised him but it was a courtesy to Jessie, who had finally lost consciousness. He pulled Jessie’s body back; flesh firmly snatched between Piers teeth; a dead hollow look in his eye. Jessie’s visage; Jessie’s name was now added among the many, firmly trapped behind the latch, until it’s chance to spring open once again.

[percontaion-points]

VOEN chapter 21

Click to see the rest of the snark & image descriptions

Click here for the rest of the series!

Chapter 21

“You had a chance to clean up,” he said, gesturing at her plaits, which were still damp enough to leave dark shadows on her shirt. 

Shadows?! SHADOWS?!

DID LITERALLY NOT ONE SINGLE GODDAMNED PERSON BOTHER TO ACTUALLY PROOFREAD THIS?!

WHAT THE HELL IS THIS?!

THEY’RE FUCKING WET MARKS. HER HAIR IS FUCKING WET. 

“This,” he said, balling the shirt in one hand, “will never be rid of blood unless I wash it soon. Then we’ll pack up and ride just before twilight.”

So their entire plan is to hang around the area until it’s almost nightfall, and then be out on the open road in the dark? 

WHEN THEY KNOW THAT THERE ARE VAMPIRES ROAMING AROUND?!

Are they fucking suicidal or some shit?!

 Papá loved [the family ranch] Los Ojuelos more than he loved anything, more than her or Javiera or Félix, more than even Mamá.

Damn son, get some fucking priorities. 

“My apologies,” she said, tasting acid seep into her voice. “I misunderstood. I didn’t realize you broke trade regulations and sacrificed principles on behalf of someone you were sleeping with. That casts your decisions in a far more forgiving light.”

[...]

“Not all of us were born with land and money,” he continued. “Some of us need to sacrifice our principles in order to eat. Some of us,” he added, with a measure of his own acid, “need to actually work.” 

For the record, I’m still not rooting for this relationship. And this is seriously another nail in the proverbial coffin for me. 

“Haven’t you ever thought about that? Why my uncle works until he breaks but lives in a jacal instead of being able to build his own house of stone? I guess you would never have to. Not when the patrón goes on and on about the nobility of life on Los Ojuelos.” His voice dripped with sarcasm. “How we should be grateful for him.”

I simply think that it’s interesting that all of these reviews are commenting about how the white man from USA is coming to take land from Mexico…

Yet there’s this class warfare going on right here. 

This is the real story. Not the vague war that both of our main characters LITERALLY RAN AWAY FROM. 

“Life on Los Ojuelos is good,” Nena shot back. “Only an arrogant man would turn up his nose at it.”

No, life on the ranch is good for the rancher’s spoiled daughters, who have never known hardships in their lives. 

Life is decent enough for the hired hands who live 100% at the mercy of the ranch owner and his whims. Never knowing if next season, they’ll be let go or not. 

She had not been thinking when she kissed him. She rode impulse like a half-broken horse until it threw her to the dirt. Now she lay there, curled into a ball, the flood of competing emotions washing over her honing into a single current, a single note. A single truth: It was not supposed to end like this.

Chapter 21 summary: Nena sleeps some, but it’s fraught with nightmares. When dawn starts to break, she looks out and sees that the body of the vampire she’d beheaded last night is mysteriously gone, and she freaks out more than a little.

The next afternoon, she takes a bath to wash the rest of the blood from the battle off from herself. Nestor goes to do the same when she gets back, and then asks that she hold the mirror so that he can shave. As he’s doing that, she regards herself from the other side of the reflective tin, and thinks about how her mama is so concerned with Nena’s physical appearance. She tells Nestor that she’s probably gotten darker, and Nestor teases her that he sees three new freckles. 

Nestor cuts himself shaving, and curses in English. When asked why/how he knows the language, he says that Beto taught him so that they could help a ranch trade with the yankees. This pisses Nena off, since there’s some sort of rule that’s like “Hey, you don’t trade with the white man!” The book doesn’t make it sound like a law, more like something that you really rather shouldn’t do. Nena gets pissed off when she finds out who Nestor was working for, and accuses him of having slept with that young, hot, rich widow. And then even more angry when he doesn’t deny it.

Nestor says that it’s not like she’s ever once known a day of struggle once in her life, what with being the daughter of a wealthy ranch owner. She seems to think that the servant and the wealthy landowner are in the same boat, but again, Nestor calls her out on her shit before storming off.

Nena follows after him and kisses him. They make out for a bit before he stops her and tells her that he doesn’t want a relationship with her if her sole purpose is to get back at her over-controlling papa. Nena falls to the ground in tears as she thinks about all of the good times that the two of them had when they were children. 

[thetimetel]

I just want to start this with, I never asked for this. Seriously. It just happened.

You know those stories about how a cat will gain entry to someone’s house and the owner just accepts the new member of the family? Yeah, that’s how I met Garfield.

I just woke up to this catboy collapsed on my living room floor by the window one morning. Dirty white shirt half off and hair a complete fucking mess. It looked a lot like he had walked over there and just passed out. I thought maybe he was injured, but as I was calling a vet and trying to check him for injuries, well . . .

He got up, PERFECTLY FINE I will add, moved over two inches, and dropped back on the floor like a puppet whose strings had just been cut. I relayed this information and the vet asked me if the sun was shining through the window. Yeah, he was just basking in the sun. Totally normal catboy behavior.

So I went to work with him still sleeping/laying there. I didn’t realize that I had been chosen. Because all it was at that point was a funny story to tell my coworkers. I figured he’d leave the house the same way he got in.

Then I got home. And guess who unlocked the door for me with a sleepy ‘Nyah?’ While rubbing the sleep out of his eyes.

Oh, right. This is probably a good time to mention that Garfield has never actually spoken to me. He just makes cat noises and ‘Nyah’ sounds. I think he’s nonverbal. So my questions on who he was, why he was there, why there were now claw marks on all the table legs, were answered by Garfield jumping up on said table, stretching out and going to sleep.

It didn’t take me long to realize the poor guy was starving. So a trip to the pet store and an awkward conversation with a store employee later, and I came back with catboy food. And before I even got the damn bag open Garfield started following me around, meowing excitedly and wrapping his arms around my legs.

The next visit was to the catboy store for a collar, this time with Garfield coming along. I don’t know what was weirder. The sight of Garfield trying to choose a hot pink, spiked collar that had the word ‘SLUT’ on it, or the fact that the store SOLD that kind of collar. Anyways, I got him a hot pink, spiked collar that did NOT have any words on it. Then I brought him to the clothing aisle, and let me tell you that this boy made quite a scene. Turns out that he has a very specific TYPE of clothing that he likes.

Namely, tight belly shirts and short shorts.

So we ended up in line at the register and the poor employee was dying trying to hold back her laughter as she’s ringing all this up, not helped by the fact that Garfield was RIDING PIGGYBACK on me and trying to nuzzle against my face. And I’m trying to explain to this employee that no, this is not my catboy, I just met him yesterday and I’m trying to make him comfortable until I can figure out what to do with him.

In hindsight, I guess it was pretty obvious he had chosen me as his owner by that point.

At first I pondered the usual things. Namely, was he someone else’s catboy or a stray. A visit to the vet told me that he was well known for causing trouble in the neighborhood, and did not have an owner.

I did put out ads for ‘pretty tabby catboy for sale. Very loving and clingy’, along with some pictures of him modeling his new belly shirt and short shorts. In hindsight, I guess I shouldn’t have been SURPRISED at all the comments that said - in exquisite detail - what these people would do to him. While I quickly closed the ad and claimed a friend had taken him, I still find pictures of that ad I made on some less . . . Safe for work sites.

So yeah, I ended up keeping him. And yes, I named him Garfield. It was mostly because . . . well, tabby cat. The funny thing is Garfield is NOTHING like Garfield, but I can't bear to change his name now.

I’ve done some research on tabby cats and catboys since, and it’s pretty clear Garfield fits both the stereotypes. There’s so much love and adoration in this catboy’s head that there’s no room for something as inconsequential as brain cells.

For instance, doors. Remember how I said he opened the door for me when I got back from work? He still does that by the way. Every day. But when HE needs to go somewhere that involves going through a doorway? He will mewl helplessly and paw at the door while waiting for me to open it.

Then there’s his whole shower issue. And let me tell you, THAT one gets a chuckle out of me. It doesn’t matter how many times we go through it. Getting him into the shower, he’s totally fine. Right until I turn on the water. Then runs out of the shower while screaming like he just saw a serial killer. At this point I just get the shampoo in his hair and soap him up, then I pin him under the guise of a hug before turning on the water with my left foot and bracing before the water comes on.

But on days that have been rough, well, I think Garfield just KNOWS when I need him. He’ll bring me toys, snuggle with me, lick my face, whatever he thinks will help me feel better. And I’ll wake up some times to find him on my lap, all curled up and purring contently as he looks at me with those big green eyes.

I never expected to have a catboy named Garfield. But now? I don’t know what I’d do without him.

The Good News: Your new roommate is a cute catboy. The Bad News: He’s an orange tabby.

[whumpzone]

remember when I said I might write some Vampire Linden?! remember?! probably not because it was fkn months ago so please just take this tiny snippet and don't hit me

cw: mention of wrist cuts

-

Pet was shown to his room, upstairs. He immediately noticed that there was no lock on the door. No restraints on the bed, either. He was left wondering how Master planned to keep him in line, and the uncertainty only bred more fear.

You wouldn’t need a lock or restraints if your bloodbag couldn’t move. If it had its knees crushed again, or its sight taken, or its legs broken. You could leave it helplessly in its room, trapped with its thoughts and the constant waiting until it was time to cut it and watch it drip.

“This room is yours. I won’t come in, unless you ask me to. It’s not an invite me in thing, just so you know. It’s my own choice, because, well… this is your space. And that means you are free to open the curtains and enjoy the sunlight as much as you wish.”

Pet gasped, fully gasped like a child. Master smiled benevolently. Something about his infinite calm made him seem even more imposing. His pet was just his latest little toy, and there was no way his toy would dare act out. No way his toy would use this privilege to disobey.

“Yeah, I mean it. Sunlight is important for human happiness, and just because I can’t enjoy it, that shouldn’t mean you can’t.”

Pet was utterly thrown. He couldn’t think of any way to show his profound gratefulness other than to drop to his knees and press his head to the floor, submitting at his new Master’s feet.

The familiar act reminded him of what he should be doing right now. Something better than just falling to the ground and grovelling.

Still kneeling, he raised his arms up, wrists sky-facing and pressed together. The countless other cuts were still red and healing. Delicious. A human platter at his Master’s feet, displaying all the possible entry ways into his veins. So recently opened that the blood was lingering at the surface. His old owner had found it amusing that his body always put in the effort to heal them, to let them clot and scab and slowly close up, despite both of them knowing that they would never make it that far before the knife cleaved through him again.

. . .

Linden knew how hard this was going to be. An unfamiliar sense of urgency was gripping him. He had time, but a human lifespan only lasted so long. He needed to give this one as much life as he could. A proper life, not just as a docile bloodbag.

The poor man below him was offering up both wrists at once, and it wasn’t hard to picture how this usually went. The amount of half-open cuts was appalling, however. His past owner must have been a real brute, to not even pick one entryway and stick to it.

He noticed that the human had his eyes closed.

Fuck, he hadn’t even asked his name.

“No, I’m not going to drain you,” Linden said as softly as he possibly could. The human opened his eyes in surprise, only to narrow them warily. “I promise. Do you see a glass, or a bowl anywhere?”

He waited for the human to shake his head, then he continued.

“Exactly. That isn’t what this is. We can talk later, but for now, you really should rest. Oh, and, um, can you talk?”

The human still had his wrists up, so Linden reached out a hand and gently pushed them down. The human flinched as Linden’s stone-cold, brittle nails brushed his most vulnerable entryway. He clasped his hands together and shook his head nervously.

“That’s okay. I’m sure we can work on that too.”

[edenmemes]

squid game (2021) starters

❝ don’t make a big deal out of it. ❞ ❝ don’t do it. you aren’t that kind of person. ❞ ❝ are you really going to continue with this insanity? ❞ ❝ let’s end this. i can’t do this anymore. ❞ ❝ the least i can do is stand night-watch. ❞ ❝ i’ve never lived like i was in control of my own life. ❞ ❝ what’s got you so worked up? ❞ ❝ i’m sorry. i’ll be better. ❞ ❝ wait, did you steal this? ❞ ❝ i’m good at everything. you know that. ❞ ❝ i don’t trust people. especially people who ended up in a place like this. ❞ ❝ things will be a little dangerous tonight. keep your eyes open. ❞ ❝ give up. it’s over. ❞ ❝ you don’t trust people here because you can. you do it because you don’t have anybody else. ❞ ❝ i was afraid they might attack again. ❞ ❝ if anyone gets attacked, we have to stick together and fight. ❞ ❝ just think of it as a dream. ❞ ❝ if i hear you breathe, i’ll come for you. ❞ ❝ why? why do you do this? ❞ ❝ it was unexpected. i didn’t think you’d get this far. ❞ ❝ don’t let yourself go. stay right here. i’ll get a doctor. ❞ ❝ don’t worry. i’m not going to kill you. ❞ ❝ do as i say. and you will live ❞ ❝ you deceived me pretending to know nothing about it! ❞ ❝ this situation makes absolutely no sense! ❞ ❝ i’ll explain everything later. ❞ ❝ damn it! will you please pull yourself together? ❞ ❝ it’s all my fault i ended up like this. ❞ ❝ great job. keep it up. ❞ ❝ what’s wrong? are you scared? ❞ ❝ what about your family? ❞ ❝ you bastard. you’re cheating, aren’t you? ❞ ❝ what are you doing? open your hand. ❞ ❝ if we stay like this, we’ll both die! ❞ ❝ let’s make a promise. that if either one of us makes it out of here alive, we’ll look after each other’s family. ❞ ❝ don’t talk like that. we’ll get out here together. ❞ ❝ where the hell have you been? i haven’t seen or heard from you in days! ❞ ❝ you always have to get into trouble to know it’s trouble. ❞ ❝ do you know why your life is so pathetic? ❞ ❝ if i’m hurt, will you treat me? ❞ ❝ i have to stay alive and get the hell out of here! ❞ ❝ i can’t forgive you for everything that you’re doing. ❞ ❝ now, aren’t you a little too old to be this clueless? ❞ ❝ you pull anything on me and i’ll rip your fucking throat wide open. ❞ ❝ i always keep my word, don’t i? ❞ ❝ you’re dressed too lightly in this old weather. ❞ ❝ don’t ask anything for now. you need to pack up and leave right away. ❞ ❝ something is going on with you, right? ❞ ❝ look at those eyes. you still have that temper, huh? ❞ ❝ i’m alive right now because i tried damn hard to stay alive. ❞ ❝ i want at least one chance to be the owner of my life. ❞ ❝ remember? we promised to stick together until the end. ❞ ❝ i’m not going no matter what you say. ❞ ❝ do you still trust people? even after what you’ve been through? ❞ ❝ don’t mind me, and worry about yourself. ❞ ❝ shouldn’t you be grateful that i did the dirty work for you? ❞ ❝ no matter what excuses you make, you still killed an innocent man. ❞ ❝ this is hell. there are no rules in hell. ❞ ❝ i don’t trust a word you just said. ❞ ❝ you weren’t stabbed too deep, so you should be fine. ❞ ❝ you’re not the type to back down after a few blows. ❞ ❝ i can’t believe i’ve run into you here. ❞ ❝ those people tried to kill me every chance they had. ❞ ❝ i’m not going to die for you to live. ❞ ❝ did you stay up all night? ❞ ❝ see? i’m just another human like you. ❞ ❝ trust me. you and i will get out of here. ❞ ❝ come to think of it, we don’t even know each other’s names. ❞ ❝ it’s a relief none of us were badly hurt. ❞ ❝ please, stop! i’m so scared. ❞ ❝ why? do you want to team up with me? ❞ ❝ i never bothered to study, but i’m unbelievably smart. ❞ ❝ let’s get you washed up first. ❞ ❝ how can i trust a scumbag like you? ❞ ❝ it’ll be okay once you get some rest. ❞ ❝ at this rate, we’ll all die! everyone is going to die. ❞ ❝ stick with the strongest team. that’s the only way. ❞ ❝ you think that i’ll be thankful that you did this? ❞ ❝ we come too far to go back. ❞ ❝ you’re so young. how’d you end up like this? ❞ ❝ you’ll be shocked to find out the things i can do for you. ❞ ❝ what’s with your face by the way? you get into fights now? ❞ ❝ i can kill you right this instant. ❞ ❝ you can be in all the fights that you want, but don’t get beaten up. ❞ ❝ out there, i don’t stand a chance. i do in here. ❞ ❝ stop. why the hell would you try do do that? ❞ ❝ wow. you’re so cold. as cold as ice. ❞ ❝ you’re the one who asked me to join you. ❞ ❝ why do you care about my name? ❞ ❝ hey, you can’t just leave! ❞ ❝ let’s talk about things we wouldn’t tell other people. ❞ ❝ why are you in such a hurry? ❞ ❝ let’s play this, just this once. it’s really fun. ❞ ❝ i don’t want to do this with you. ❞ ❝ i just came here because i had nowhere else to go. ❞ ❝ i got to say, your stories are way too dark. ❞ ❝ i'm sorry. i took you wrong. ❞ ❝ have you ever seen a dead person before you came here? ❞ ❝ you got this far all thanks to me. ❞ ❝ we’re doomed if you lose this. you know that, right? ❞ ❝ no. do you think i’m a kid? ❞ ❝ hey, you’ve got to dream big, don’t you think? ❞ ❝ remember. once they find out who you are, they die. ❞ ❝ you’re just a kid. what did they do to you? ❞ ❝ nothing has been this sad. tragic. ❞ ❝ what happened yesterday? where were you? ❞ ❝ anything else? is there anywhere you want to go? ❞ ❝ bullshit. you killed those guys out there. ❞ ❝ you killed them. you killed them all. ❞ ❝ if you help me, there’s a way both of us could live. ❞ ❝ if i die here, my entire family will die too. ❞ ❝ i lived my entire life hiding behind others like a coward. ❞ ❝ what are you doing? stop stalling. ❞ ❝ one more strike and you’re out. ❞ ❝ no matter what we tell each other, there’s no reason to feel embarrassed. ❞ ❝ you don’t look too well. ❞ ❝ please, please trust me this once and help me. ❞ ❝ shit. i’m not scared. ❞ ❝ i want to go home. ❞ ❝ how dare you touch me, you little shit! ❞ ❝ we’ll talk later, okay? i’m busy right now. ❞ ❝ i’m too tired. i’m too tired to go on. ❞ ❝ it broke because of you, asshole! ❞ ❝ i guess we were destined to meet. ❞ ❝ no, you’re not fine. you can’t even walk properly. ❞ ❝ do you have your phone on you? can i use your phone? ❞ ❝ i feel really bad for your mother. ❞ ❝ i don’t want to sit around waiting for my death like this. ❞ ❝ i don’t think you realize the seriousness of this matter. ❞ ❝ thank you. you saved my life. ❞ ❝ we can’t fall asleep tonight. anything can happen after lights-out. ❞ ❝ we shouldn’t be killing each other like this. ❞ ❝ you startled me! ❞ ❝ i’m trying to say that we need to share. ❞ ❝ give it back. it’s mine. give it back to me! ❞ ❝ buy me some time. i’ll let you know if i find out anything. ❞ ❝ you don’t look too well. ❞ ❝ you won’t find anyone better than me among those that are left. ❞ ❝ are you...going to go in there? ❞ ❝ you’re the really annoying type. know that? ❞ ❝ this brings back old memories. ❞ ❝ don’t be nervous. we’ll surely win if we work together. ❞ ❝ where is everyone? why is everyone gone? ❞ ❝ we girls should stick together. ❞ ❝ do you think you can win without me? ❞ ❝ i don’t care if it’s embarrassing. i have to win no matter what. ❞ ❝ you should’ve known when to stop. ❞ ❝ life out here is more tormenting. ❞ ❝ i can’t believe i ran into you here. what are the chances? ❞ ❝ don’t skip meals and dress warmly. ❞ ❝ if you keep silent like that, i’m going to leave. ❞ ❝ you’re making a big mistake by not teaming up with me. ❞ ❝ if you deceive me again, i’ll cut your throat open. ❞ ❝ i understand very well what your situation is like. ❞ ❝ look over there. what is that? looks really creepy. ❞ ❝ what happened? why are you here? ❞ ❝ stop dragging this on and be my partner. ❞ ❝ you’re the only one who looked they they’d come along. ❞ ❝ why do you want to team up with me? ❞ ❝ do something! god damn it! ❞ ❝ do you trust me? i don’t trust you. ❞ ❝ we’re all sinners already. our hands are drenched in blood. ❞ ❝ do me a favor. just leave me alone. ❞ ❝ no need to thank me. i did it to save myself. ❞ ❝ what a shame. i wanted to kill you myself. ❞ ❝ i thought we were all going to die. ❞ ❝ i’m good at everything except for the things that i’m not. ❞ ❝ if you call me that again, i’ll rip that mouth off. ❞ ❝ are you finally showing your true colours? ❞ ❝ we’ll have a girl’s night out and make mijitos and everything, okay? ❞ ❝ you ask such dumb questions even in this kind of situation. ❞ ❝ dimwit. you don’t know anything. ❞ ❝ we don’t have a leader. we’re all equal in this team. ❞ ❝ you're so secretive. ❞ ❝ if you’re so confident, do it yourself. ❞ ❝ let me see your face. ❞ ❝ what are you thinking about so deeply? i thought you were sleeping with your eyes open. ❞ ❝ will you be okay? it looks like you had a nightmare. ❞ ❝ try doing this without much sleep or food, while barely escaping death every day. ❞ ❝ i stopped the others from killing you because they can’t trust you. ❞ ❝ can you really do this without me? i can’t do this without you. ❞ ❝ give me a good reason why i should trust you. ❞ ❝ trust me. we still have another chance. ❞ ❝ that’s a pretty name. though i’m not sure how well it fits. ❞ ❝ don’t worry. why would i kill you? ❞ ❝ if you make a bigger scene and get caught, you and i both will die in vain. ❞ ❝ what’s important isn’t who i am. ❞ ❝ not only did you get me more curious, your voice seems to have changed. ❞ ❝ back then, i was a bit out of it. ❞ ❝ kill me? and how are you going to do that? ❞ ❝ what’s wrong with you? you don’t remember? ❞ ❝ i’m sorry. i shouldn’t have mentioned it. ❞ ❝ i’m not going to stand with a coward like you. ❞ ❝ just go! or we will all die! ❞ ❝ it’s all right. everything will be all right. ❞ ❝ make sure you leave this place alive. ❞ ❝ just let me lose in style. ❞ ❝ you need to pack up and leave right away. ❞ ❝ thank you. for everything. ❞ ❝ oh, my. you’re pretty cute. ❞ ❝ who are you praying to right now? ❞ ❝ it was fun while it lasted. ❞ ❝ stop giggling, asshole. ❞ ❝ i was worried because i couldn’t find you. ❞ ❝ this is the biggest tragedy since the war. ❞ ❝ i used to live in a neighborhood just like this one. ❞ ❝ we should focus on protecting ourselves first. ❞ ❝ those guys are definitely up to no good. ❞ ❝ thanks to you, i had a good time. ❞ ❝ i’m not in a position to help anyone at this moment. ❞ ❝ i would’ve killed you already if i wanted. ❞ ❝ when faced with danger, seek refuge in the herd. ❞ ❝ i hope your long trip here has not been too difficult. ❞ ❝ you want us to leave and start a shitty life all over again from rock bottom with this shitty guilt in our hearts? ❞ ❝ if you wish to leave with me, please stand up. ❞ ❝ how do you call yourself human? ❞ ❝ pull yourself together! pull yourself together and listen to me! ❞ ❝ please. please pull yourself together. i beg you. please. ❞ ❝ i’m keeping everyone safe. don’t worry and go to sleep. ❞ ❝ now that i’m working with you, i feel like we could win. ❞ ❝ sorry. my mistake, again. ❞