#I should revisit the texts
Explore tagged Tumblr posts
Text
Reading that Natalie Portman believes that a female director having a particular gaze is reductive of women's individuality and point of view just shows that even someone as educated as her lacks media literacy and that today's discourse about cinematic gaze is based on very misguided and wrong understandings of the concepts.
If we look at social media, specifically tiktok, we would be lead to believe that a male gaze is what a man likes to look at and the female gaze is the opposite of that, what a woman likes to look at. How did we end up in this place? If we are to talk on such subjects, it would be wise to read upon some seminal works which stand as the basis and starting point of such concepts. We have to go back to John Berger and Laura Mulvey. And after we do that, we can nuance the discussion because there is so much to add to those initial understandings.
The concept of the male gaze has its origins in psychoanalitical theory, particularly scopophilia and Lacan's mirror stage. The man is the bearer of the look and the woman is that which bears the look and in the process she is transformed into an object. Mulvey explained that. All the elements of a film, from director, to DOP to the producing company, are creating this male gaze. But the problem with Mulvey's theory is that she assumed that the audience is strictly heterosexual. How does the concept still stand when a gay man is looking at the objectified woman on screen? Perhaps his gaze is upon the male character? Does that character became an eroticized object or not? How about a lesbian gaze? Is the woman's gaze from the audience the same as the director's?
I don't expect this and more from audiences across platforms, but I just want to point out that there's nothing simplistic there.
As to the concept of female gaze, there is little research, as compared to the male gaze in cinema and media, in order to have a definitive and encompassing theory. What I would say is that it's not the opposite of the male gaze. A female gaze does not automatically objectify men in a heterosexual sense, nor does it translate as objectifying women from a queer perspective.
Yet, it doesn't mean there shouldn't be an apparatus that helps us navigate texts as audiences but also for those who are creating the film and media texts.
Chantal Akerman in Jeanne Dielman did the opposite of the male gaze through filming techniques. She didn't fragment a woman's body and showed it as lacking eroticism. That's a choice that expresses a very clear message. Is it the female gaze? No, it is one of them, but I don't believe it is but one unique female perspective as Portman likes to think and as Akerman said at the time (as a context, Akerman refused the feminist label when the film came out).
There's plenty of women's perspectives in cinemas, but it is time to do the research that would do it justice. It's a lot of work and it must be intersectional because it has to be better and up to date with current understandings of women's identities.
#m thoughts#just some ramblings#I haven't spend much time pondering this and my memory is rusty#I should revisit the texts#but my academic fatigue is still here#so for anyone who knows a lot more than me#or who sees that I wrote smth dumb along the lines#please be understanding
10 notes
·
View notes
Text
i feel like im not making any sense but does anyone else feel like there are stories that let u run with them and ones that spell everything out for you
#im reading that post that says artists are directors of audience reaction and not its dictator:#'you cannot guarantee that everyone viewing your work will react as you are trying t make them react. a good artist knows that this is what#allows work to breath. by definition you cannot have art where the viewer brings nothing to the table ... this is why you have to let go of#the urge to plainly state in text exactly how you think the work should be interpreted ... its better to be misinterpreted sometimes than#to talk down to your audience. you wont even gain any control that way; people will still develop their opinions no matter what you do#im thinking abt this again cuz i was thinking maybe the thing that lets adventure time work so well the way it does is cuz it doesnt#take itself too seriously that it gives the audience enough room to fuck with subtext and then fuck with them back yknow. i think it was#mentioned somewhere that they werent even planning to run with the postapocalyptic elements that are hinted in the show but changed their#mind after the one off with the frozen businessmen and dominoed into marcy and simons backstory. on the other side there are stories that#explain too much to let the story speak for itself and i think it ends up having to do more with the crew trying to lead ppl in a certain#direction than expand on what they have and i see a lot of this with miraculous. like when interviews and tweets are used as word of god in#arguments and it becomes a little stifling to play around with it knowing the creator can just interject. u can say its the crews effort to#engage with its audience but it feels more like micromanaging. and none of this is to say there ISNT room for stories that spell things out#theyre just suited for different things. if sesame street tried abstract approaches to themes and nuance itd be counterproductive#a lot of things fly over my head so i need help picking things apart to get it- but it doesnt have to be from the story itself. ive picked#picked up or built on my own interpretations listening to other ppl share their thoughts which creates conversation around the same thing#sometimes stories will spell things out for you without being so obvious abt it that it feels like its woven into the text. my fav example#for this might be ATLA using younger characters as its main cast but instead of feeling like its dumbed down for kids to understand why war#is bad its framed from a childs point of view so younger audiences can pick up on it by relating to the characters. maybe an 8 year old#wont get how geopolitics works but at least they get 'hey the world is a little more complicated than everyone vs. fire nation'. same for#steven universe bc its like theyre trying to describe and put feelings into words that kids might not have so they have smth to start with#especially with the metaphors around relationships bc even if it looks unfamiliar as a kid now maybe the hope is for it to be smth you can#look back to. thats why it feels like these shows grew up with me.. instead of saving difficult topics for 'when im ready for it'#as if its preparing me for high school it gave me smth to turn in my hands and revisit again and again as i grow. stories that never#treated u as dumb all along. just someone who could learn and come back to it as many times as u need to. i loved SU for the longest time#but i felt guilty for enjoying it hearing the way ppl bash it. bc i was a kid and thought other ppl understood it better than me and made#feel bad for leaning into the message of paying forward kindness and not questioning why steven didnt punish the diamonds or hold them#accountable. but im rewatching it now and going oh. i still love this show and what it was trying to teach me#yapping#diary
98 notes
·
View notes
Text
Thinking about....a Dead Tired Honey Swamp doll... that comes with a giant silk bonnet...
#monster high#monster high gen 1#honey swamp#every single mh character should have gotten a dead tired doll tbh#honey would either wear a flower nightgown#or poofy sleep shorts#add this to the list of things to draw eventually#i tried designing a dead tired line for the mansters a while ago...#i should revisit that...#text post
105 notes
·
View notes
Text
It's just past midnight now in Japan, and it's now March 7th, 2024.
Happy 58th Birthday, Sakurai Atsushi.
Around the time of The Ceremony, I was overwhelmed with feelings of love, gratitude, and grief. However, recently it seems only grief has visited me. Today, during the celebration of your birth, I want to rekindle that gratitude.
I'm so grateful that you were born.
I'm so grateful that you seemed to grow wiser and kinder with your years. I'm grateful that you were a role model to so many.
I'm grateful for your many years of music, whether you were with Buck-Tick, The Mortal, Schwein, other musicians, or on your solo projects.
I'm grateful for your beauty and artistry.
I'm grateful for Buck-Tick, and that you were able to stay together and stay strong for so long. I'm grateful for their obvious love of you and for their making space for you at the Phenomenon last December.
I'm grateful for your staff who, since your passing, have provided so much love and support for the fans.
I'm grateful for [. . . .]. I will never not be grateful for that.
I'm grateful that you [. . . .].
I'm grateful that you touched the hearts of so many and in so many different ways. I'm grateful that such love exists, even if it must be across a barrier of artist and fan.
I'm grateful to live in a world where I could know your work and revisit it over and over at my leisure.
I'm so very grateful for you.
Happy Birthday, Acchan. We love you so very much.
#leaving those ellipses for myself should I need to revisit this post#personal#my text#buck tick#sakurai atsushi#atsushi sakurai#櫻井敦司
18 notes
·
View notes
Text
@koheletgirl do u remember this
#idk why that's the background of our instagram dms.#but i remember the things i was doing around them so well bc it all was so important#i remember texting shira about cxr playlist and being like#ik u don't really know him yet. and i also don't even really know him. but this is so important to talk to you about#txt#shira tag#i just revisited the playlist for the first time in so long and it almost entirely holds up#also?? i think she asked whether he ever failed to satisfy a woman to ask if u should put the buzzing from the bathroom on the playlist#but it still reads to me as if she was asking for herself
7 notes
·
View notes
Text
author i'm beefing with: "i feel slight revulsion about the word 'spiritual', it's got negative overtones, aren't you deluding yourself and others with it, keep it to yourself"
same author, literally twelve (12) pages later: *spends a page describing spiritual experiences, sharing them with the world, but insists they don't count as "spiritual" because they're about the physical material world*
my dude it's not just believers who try to have it both ways, huh
#text#personal#i dont know how to tag this lmao#i know how id LIKE to tag it but I don't want the attention i just wanna holler#also maybe#char don't look#if thats still a tag u use 🫣#daemon voices#philip pullman#fuck it we're doxxing it so i can find it later lmao#anyway. my guy. you just like. deeply misunderstand what spiritual means to a lot of people i think#and i get why. i do. but.#dude. come on.#(am i personally in a weird spot religiously??)#(very much yes)#(do i apparently have residual Very Strong Feelings about these topics???)#(also yes)#(i should revisit some of this shit probably. i have other related books to read.)#anyway. hnnnngh#why does it count if YOU connect with the universe like this but not the billions of people who call this religious and/or spiritual??#what makes your way right and their way so wrong#(evangelical-adjacent protestant in recovery over here plz im trying)
6 notes
·
View notes
Text
MUTUALS AND FOLLOWERS! i have a request wherein you stoke the flames for my being incredibly annoying obsessive&interesting about music: will you please send me albums that you would like me to rank the songs of (with explanations/fun facts/thoughts, of course)? if i end up liking this idea as much as i do rn, i think it could be really fun to sit with an album for a span of days and research or whatnot and Think Thoughts and like . again, if i stick to it, it could be an ongoing thing where i just am always bothering you all with long posts about music <3 thank you love you xoxo
#the albums can be anything !!! i think it’d also be a fun way to listen to things i’ve not heard b4 as well as revisit things i’ve heard#So Much ! i just <3 music and have been listening to old white men rank songs and so though i cld also do this#i have also dragged vicky britomart into this via text even though they r offline </3 so u might get their rankings also#idk i just love a little project#please dont ask me how many uni assignments i currently should be thinking about#also if i do keep this going you can literally send albums anytime like just if you think of one#you can also fully ignore me and not do anything & i would 100% understand i was just filled with inspiration suddenly
16 notes
·
View notes
Text
@ the person ( assuming they are a new user and not a bot ) who was digging through my old Yamcha lore posts during my 2018-2020 dragon ball cycle
Thanks 💕
that aside, deadass, imagine loving db/z and your favorite character genuinely is Yamcha 😭, that’s the struggle I live with. hE’S SOO FUN AND EVERYONE ELSE IS WRONG including the man who made him
#cozy texts#every time i see it i reconsider revisiting#i should rank every fandom i’ve engaged with
11 notes
·
View notes
Text
I should make another powerpoint, it would fix me
#oh I should revisit the Palmer|Chief parallels essay idea where everyone loves stuff about chief but don't give a shit when Woman#crab text
5 notes
·
View notes
Text
weh. I think I'm gonna be brave and go back and read my old writing
#the stuff thats on ao3 i mean. have not looked at em in a WHILE#but i got kudos recently on them. i feel i should revisit#my stuff#text
4 notes
·
View notes
Text
hey. Hey lionsgate. Capitol academy seems great and all.. but what about the fucking hunger games
#its funny actually . no i dont want to roleplay as a capitol student#no i dont want to get text message updates from the academy on how i should be preparing for my day#i dont want to roam around the academy grounds on roblox either actually!! funny how that is!!#oh by the way the annual death match is coming up.#but the capitol academy guys!!!#….#this shift feels. major#were not tributes anymore were not being encouraged to see from their pov#i get that theyre trying to market bosas since bosas was from. a capitol pov#but this… look. we know marketing is often so fucking tone deaf#remember how Into it they got when marketing the trilogy to the point where its becoming the thing it critiques??#the district eyeshadow palettes? the flaming subway sandwiches?#the subtle attempt to highlight the katniss peeta gale love triangle rather than the revolution???#does that ring a bell?#(not saying there werent any good posters or whatever floating around. but. YOU KNOW. WHAT I AM SAYING .)#and that was for a movie/s that WERE focused on the games#this is just .#perhaps ill revisit this all when the movie comes out#but for the love of god. how is the capitol academy more interesting than the fucking games#it literally has nothing to do with the games themselves god…..#why is this our selling point i dont. understand#hunger games#the hunger games#ballad of songbirds and snakes#bosas#can u tell that i am not a bosas fan#and also hate being marketed to#lmao#anyways just. ranting about this#feel free to ignore my tags if u dont like them i am simply one person shouting into the void
1 note
·
View note
Note
have you seen Unreal? it’s co-created/produced by marti noxon, who yes was kinda controversial buffy writer/producer I know……but man does Unreal have drama! quinn/rachel is like the most problematic toxic duo ever and their dynamic is in my opinion the closest yuri equivalent to 2010s yaoi queerbaiting (meant as a compliment). it’s focused on behind the scenes drama of producing a reality show a la bachelorette so it’s quite messy and there’s drama drama drama. and there are at least several times when the show does not deal w sensitive topics with grace to say the least. but subtextual co-dependent lesbian relationship between the main characters does deliver. like those women are both so horrible and they deserveeee each other…..
so I DO vaguely remember watching at least some of unreal as a teenager because my mum is like. very into the sociology of reality tv. so this show was extremely up her street. and I remember kinda liking it but also not being sufficiently invested because I was young and dumb and a little burnt out on this particular interest, so honestly I haven't retained many of the details. but what this does mean is that I know I can absolutely rope my mum into watching it with me when I go home for the winter holidays, because I'm 95% sure she loved that show. and tbh the way this rec has been written I am now extremely likely to do that, because I was DEFINITELY too young and repressed to be picking up on any subtextual toxic yuri and I absolutely need to get in on that
also (just to cover my ass) idk if marti noxon has done anything actively Bad - but in terms of the actual buffy she did, I was a big fan!! I loved season six, I thought season seven had some flawed execution but I was mostly right on board with what it was trying to do. idc if a lot of the fanbase hated the direction the show went and blamed her for it, a lot of the fanbase is wrong. s6 is really probably still the buffy season I think most about. anyhow, I got into buffy right around when I moved abroad for uni (roughly around the time I got into motogp, funnily enough) so seeing she'd been involved in unreal was one of the reasons I've been kinda meaning to revisit it for years anyway. just never remembered to bring it up while back visiting my family ig. but toxic yuri!! queerbait!! perfect rec for me, cheers anon
#we have so many academic texts about reality tv back home because my mum is a NERD#admittedly it wasn't the bit of her collection I was most drawn to as a teen but I do want to revisit some of it at some point#//#batsplat responds#been quite a bit of twitter discourse recently about the state of play at yuri towers and it's something i have very mixed feelings about#bUT i do think we are working with a serious quantity deficit. always good to get recommendations#i keep daydreaming about + writing snippets of toxic utena/anthy when i should be working..... they haunt my thoughts
0 notes
Text
no one I know follows this afaik (thank god) but ohhhhhhhhhh god when will I stop being like this. I’m not even in a place to be in a relationship rn but I’m utterly miserable over someone who barely gives me the time of day anymore & may or may not be openly flirting with someone else in front of me even after everything & like. kms forever and ever
#if you do no you don’t <3#but yeah no#why am I always the most into people who (maybe) don’t like me back#he *says* he does but also says he can’t be in a relationship rn & we should revisit it a couple months down the line#which is fine bc same#but he doesn’t even flirt with me anymore#and I can’t ask him to take it elsewhere if he’s found someone new bc like where else is he gonna drink this cheap#but#man this is why I don’t fuck coworkers#it just sucks bc we went from talking & flirting all the time & getting handsy on the dl to#nothing#he’s been texting me more the last few days tho & I’m sooooooo hopeful but I know it’s probably just cope#I can’t tell you how many times I’ve cried over this & I feel so stupid#i feel like a dumb asshole#and a simp#i mean given the circumstances I don’t blame him but like#i wish he would just tell me if he doesn’t want to be involved at all instead of stringing me along#tho maybe he’s not and is trying to ease out & im just being delusional#it wouldn’t be the first time!!!#but again if that’s the case just fucking say so#not that I’m one to talk tho lbr this is karma#alas#should I just give up?#tho maybe he does mean what he says & is just taking a step back across the board so things don’t get confused#which would be fine with me I’d just like to know & there’s no way to ask without looking insane#but what if he’s just saying *that* to buy time#hoooooooooooo boy I need therapy lol#rocd go brrrrrrrrr#maybe it’d be easiest if I let it take over & make me stop liking him#but…
0 notes
Text
wish i could beam ALL the fallen london lore into my brain so i can proceed to play with my ocs in it
#my posts#the fact i am constantly discovering more about this world and to do so you have to go digging into a very esoteric text game#is its greatest strength and i both love and hate it#i LOVE mystery and discovery but i also LOATHE missing or losing things which is the inherent risk of the thing#i should get back into it and i SAY that i dont play because its grindy#but in truth i think i dont play because of the ephemerality#if i play i will crave to screenshot every little corner to save on a hard drive somewhere in case it ever disappears. to revisit someday#and thats so much responsibility#especially the exceptional stories#but not to play at all fails to recognize memory as a recorder too#and ill have missed out on ALL of it rather than just some#anyway the tags got deeper than expected#i just sometimes wonder what will happen to it when the online-only game goes down someday yknow?#also i love the setting and want to play blorbos in it but i dont roleplay well in video games#so fanfic is the recourse#i need to finish playing mask of the rose
0 notes
Text
cringe culture is DEAD!!! i have to admit as much as i say that i'm not into MHA i skim every new chapter that comes out [even though im not hyperfixated on it with is rare for me lol] im gonna try and revive this sideblog bc literally the last time i truly felt something was when i was 14 deep into mha
i should change my url actually LMFAO antikcchk was it ever that serious
#look at me saying mha instead of bnha....i've become such a local </3#literally have not felt as excited for something ever since mha LMAO i need a new fandom#[[[looks at my semi inactive miraculous blog]]]#text#chat should i draw my old mha oc that i've never told anyone about yes or no#no one gaf but i have been doing a lot of...introspection about myself. you could say. im really trying to become the most 100% i can be#which means coming to terms that i still like bnha and that it's surprisingly important to me. as much as im hesitant to admit it lol#i doubt i'll ever feel the same as i did at 14 but still. revisiting mha could be fun. i should rewatch it someday actually LMAO#thank u antonymph vylet pony for changing my life. it's kinda silly to say that abt an mlp fan song...but that's what art is all about baby
1 note
·
View note
Text
Can I Come See You? - Quinn Hughes x OFC
gif from gabelandeskog
Title: Can I Come See You?
Author: Tory / @tkwrites
Relationship: Pre-established: Quinn Hughes x Sarah Roberts
Summary: After a rough game, Quinn seeks out comfort from Sarah.
Warnings: some suggestive themes, swearing, other than that, it’s 98% fluff.
Word count: 4,600
Comments: I know I’ve been teasing the family reunion snapshot for a while now, but with all the heavy emotions September brings, I just haven’t been able to finish it. When this ask came in, I started writing right away, wanting some comfort myself. I’ve loved revisiting the beginning of Quinn & Sarah’s relationship while writing this Snapshot.
Thank you, thank you, and thank you gain for your support and love! I have found such a lovely community here, and I’m so thankful. Even in this radio silence while I’ve been slogging through my grief, everyone has been so kind and supportive.
If you enjoyed this Snapshot, please consider commenting, reblogging, or sending in an ask about it. I love seeing what you think of Quinn & Sarah’s latest adventures.
Anonymous asked: Quinn gives cuddler energy 1000000% After a game, especially when they played bad and lost/gave up a lead. Immediately wanting Sarah cuddles to make him feel better. Do you think he ever went to hers after a game, giving Eunice a heart attack in the early days. Or did they mostly hang at his?
Can I come see you?
A Quinn & Sarah Snapshot
If it wasn’t a Friday night, he wouldn’t have even asked. But it was, and he knew Sarah didn’t have to be up early the next day. And they’d lost. Epically.
Midway through the third, they’d given up a three goal lead. On a power play no less. He’d, thankfully, only been on the ice for one. He didn’t know what he’d do if he’d given up more than one short handed goal in a two-minute span.
There was another game the next day, the third in four days, and he knew he really should go home and go to sleep. But Toch had canceled practice the next morning, and he was upset and feeling restless and just wanted to see her.
It had been a long time since he’d felt this longing to be with someone and actually had someone he could go to. He called his parents, but there was still a gap there, telling him something was still missing. He wanted a more physical kind of comfort.
It was a miserable night, and Quinn thought seeing Sarah might make him feel a little better. He’d never asked her something like this. Hoping she wouldn’t mind, he fired off a text.
Sarah was in her room after the game – after an awful game – when Quinn texted.
Can I come see you?
Her heart leapt into her throat.
Quinn had never sent a text like this before, and she wasn't totally sure what it meant.
He wouldn't come here to initiate comfort sex, right? That would be crazy. Her roommates were home.
Maybe he just wanted…she had no idea what he wanted, but he'd respected every boundary she'd thrown at him so far, so she responded. Sure. Let me know when you’re here, and I’ll come let you in.
Though they hadn’t slept together yet, she was thinking about it a lot, and they'd made out. She'd even let him take off her bra a few days before. Just thinking about that night — the reverent way he'd touched her, like she was a priceless piece of art, and the croaked, pleasured noise he’d groaned into her neck when their dry humping culminated in him coming in his pants — still made her thoughts buzz.
He asked for her address.
She’d forgotten he’d never been to her apartment before. Not inside, at least. He’d dropped her off several times, but it was always at the end of a date, and at least one of her roommates was usually home, so it’s not like she would invite him up. Also, it seemed silly to go from his lovely penthouse to inviting him up to her little apartment. If they were going to do anything, it wouldn’t be here.
My roommates are home, just so you know, she sent, not wanting to set unrealistic expectations.
He reacted with a thumbs up.
Normally, she would warn them she was having someone over, but telling Eunice Quinn was coming over would only give her more time to wind herself up. So Sarah stayed in her room until he texted that he was downstairs and slipped by her roommates without giving an explanation.
When she opened the large glass door to her building, he was standing off to the side, hands shoved in his pockets and his head hanging forward, as if it were just a little too heavy to hold up.
“Hey,” she said quietly, not wanting to startle him.
He still jumped a little, but when he met her eyes, he smiled — genuinely — as if he was just glad to see her.
Her heart fluttered.
“Come on in.” Taking his hand, she pulled him into the elevator, which was, thankfully, still on the ground floor. They only went up five levels before she got off and led him down the hall, and scanned through door 538.
Her roommates were on the couch watching an episode of Friends.
They looked over, and one of them yelped before slapping her hand over her mouth. She continued to make muffled noise, her wide eyes darting between Quinn and Sarah.
“This is Quinn,” Sarah introduced, though it felt perfunctory. They both knew who he was. “And this is Eunice,” she said, gesturing to her, “she’s a big fan and a little bit excitable.”
Quinn recognized her. She was the one who screamed when he’d knocked on the glass at Sarah’s first game. Her brown hair, which was more frizz than curl, was pushed back with a headband. She was still wearing a jersey – Petey’s, thankfully – from watching the game.
“And this is Jane.”
She was tall and willowy, with pale eyes and a thick, dark blonde braid.
“It’s nice to meet you,” Jane said, standing up and offering her hand to shake.
Quinn grasped it, managing to pull a smile onto one half of his mouth.
Eunice stood and followed suit, though he got the distinct impression that were they anywhere else with anyone else, she would be asking for a hug. “I can’t believe you’re in our house right now.” Her voice actually squeaked when she said it.
“It’s nice to meet you,” he said, not quite managing to pull full sincerity into his voice. Though he did feel it, he was too tired and too miserable to mask the disappointment.
Eunice finally seemed to get over the shock of Quinn Hughes being in her living room. “Tough break tonight,” she said, leaning her butt on the armrest of the couch.
“Yeah,” he sighed.
“Here, we can go in my room.”
When Sarah’s hand slipped into his, his heart did an embarrassing little flutter. Hoping it didn’t show on his face, he followed her down the hall.
He'd forgotten what it was like to move into a blank slate of an apartment. All the places he'd rented since moving to Vancouver were furnished, including curated, so-neutral-it-wasn’t-interesting artwork. Sarah’s apartment looked like a home - framed photos and unique paintings on the walls.
Her room was simple. There was a full bed tucked under the window that overlooked the street and a desk. There wasn’t room for much else. A quark board above her desk was filled with photos of who he assumed was her family. Half a dozen babies with her same bright blue eyes or chocolate colored hair. He noticed the warm up puck he'd given her sitting on her desk, bracing the pages of a textbook open to an anatomical drawing of a seahorse.
She sat on the bed. It was either the bed or her office chair, and they couldn't both fit on the chair.
“What's up?” she asked after a minute or so of him looking around her room, his hands in his pockets. He was in his suit, a rain jacket over it against the wet, misty night, and had a knit hat pulled over his hair.
His eyes snapped to her. Something about seeing her in leggings and a loose t shirt, sitting on her blue and green patchwork quilt, made him ache. Longing bloomed in him to see her this comfortable somewhere where they could be together. Not together like this; together permanently. The thought stuck in his mind. Had he ever felt that way about someone before?
“I just wanted to see you,” he admitted, shoulders dropping.
“Oh.” The sincerity in his voice took her by surprise. The fact that he wanted to see her on a hard night sent a giddy, effervescent shiver through her.
She patted the mattress, and relieved, he sunk down next to her.
Sarah pulled his rain jacket off, throwing it over her office chair before asking, “this too?” as her fingers tucked under the collar of his suit coat.
Usually, he would have shrugged it off as soon as he'd pulled away from the arena, but he'd been driving in the general direction of Yaletown, breathlessly waiting for Sarah’s reply.
Nodding, he pushed his shoulders back so she could pull it off.
She folded it much more deliberately than he usually did, matching the shoulders and making sure the arms were flat before draping it over his jacket.
“You okay?” she asked, her hand traveling up and down his back.
Her gentle touch and the sound of her voice sent a pang of relief through him.
Experiencing Sarah sharing her emotions with him so openly somehow made it easier to reciprocate and trust she wasn't going to dismiss his or throw them back in his face later.
He shook his head.
“Do you want to talk about it?”
“I don't even want to think about it,” he said, leaning forward and raking his fingers into his hair.
Not quite sure what he meant, her hand paused on it’s journey smoothing over the soft material of his dress shirt.
“Can we…” he glanced over at her. In the light from her desk lamp, his eyes were the color of cognac. “Can we lay down?”
Her lips pursed. It wasn’t that they hadn’t cuddled before. They had, but she still wasn’t exactly sure what it was that he wanted.
“I just want to hold you,” he finally admitted. The vulnerability of saying it out loud knotted his stomach.
Her heart did a giddy little dance in her chest, and she barely held herself back from asking, really?
“Sure,” she said instead, although it still came out a little breathy. “You've gotta take off your shoes, though.”
As he toed off the sneakers, she scooted back, so she was laying nearest the window.
He lay next to her. They stayed that way, side by side for a minute before Sarah asked, “how do you...?”
Extending his arm, he patted his side, inviting her to snuggle into him. She accepted readily, pressing her body to his. Really, he wanted her to hold him, but he felt a little too vulnerable to ask for that.
A deep sigh let go as her hand rested on his chest. It had taken more than six months for him to feel this comfortable with June, for him to even think about asking her for comfort. It was amazing to him that things with Sarah were so much easier.
“What do you need?” she asked, tracing one of his buttons.
Emotion threatened to choke his reply. Taking a moment to swallow it down, he tried to remember the last time someone had asked him that not related to improving his on-ice performance. Nothing immediately came to mind.
“Can you just talk?”
“About what?”
“Anything. Tell me about your roommates.”
“Well, Jane is a pediatric nurse. She works in the BC Children’s ER.”
He let out a low whistle.
“Yeah. It’s a rough gig sometimes, but she really loves it. She's actually headed to work in a few hours.”
He glanced at his watch, “at midnight?”
“She works a lot of graveyards. 3 to 3 or midnight to noon. She coaches a youth lacrosse league on the weekends.”
“Really?” He felt Sarah nod. “My mom played lacrosse. She put all of us in it, too.”
“Did you like it?”
He shrugged, “I like hockey better.”
“Good thing you stuck with it, then.”
A breath of a laugh escaped through his nose.
“And Eunice is studying biomedical engineering. She’s on track to get her PhD.”
“Really?”
“Why are you so surprised?”
“I don't know,” he shrugged. “She just seems so…I mean, excitable like you said.”
“Oh, she's just dedicated to everything she does. She has a 4.0. I think it'd actually be higher if the scale didn't stop there. She does everything like that, you know? Doesn’t matter if it’s school or being a fan. She’s always 110% in. I don’t think she knows how to do anything halfway.”
He hmm’d.
Falling into a companionable silence, Quinn sighed. He’d been looking for this his kind of comfort with another person his entire life. The first time he’d really felt it was on their first date, and it was a revelation. Each time it happened since then, it became a little less awkward. They might well be on their way to sharing the kind of quiet moments he used to see his parents have. Sitting together on the couch reading, or folding laundry together, or watching TV, just happy to be with each other. The idea of it made his chest feel buoyant enough to float away.
“How did you meet them?”
“Eunice was advertising for someone new to move in on the school housing board. Their old roommate, Jenny, was getting married. So, I met them and saw the place, and it just worked out.”
“Just like that?”
“I guess?”
“I’ve never done that before.”
“What?”
“Interviewed to be a roommate. I’ve always lived with teammates.”
“Not all of us have a built-in best friend squad.”
He snorted, and Sarah smiled.
They eased into another quiet moment, and Quinn felt his eyelids grow heavy.
“Do you need anything?” she asked.
“Hmm?”
“Like, do you need anything to eat?”
“I ate at the arena,” he said, “but I wouldn't mind something to drink.”
As she pushed herself up and he resisted the urge to pull her back down. “What do you want? I have water, cranberry juice, or Ginger ale.” When he didn't respond, she continued, “I have some rum if you need something stronger, or I could make you some tea.”
“I can't have caffeine this late. It’ll fuck up my sleep schedule.” Truth be told, it was probably already fucked just by him being here, but he didn’t want to inflict any more damage.
She smiled, “I have peppermint, or a caffeine free maple that's really tasty as a latte.”
“That sounds nice.”
“Okay. Do you want milk or almond milk?”
“Almond, please.”
“You got it.” As she crawled over him to get to the edge of the bed, she leaned down to press a gentle kiss to his lips.
His mouth was still buzzing when she left the room.
Eunice came into the kitchen as Sarah was filling the kettle. “What are you doing?” she whispered as if Quinn might hear them from down the hall.
“Making tea,” Sarah said in her normal tone.
She could tell Eunice wanted to start interrogating her and pointedly looked the other way. She’d be happy to talk, but not while he was still here. Getting Eunice started on a conversation like that required a certain amount of commitment, and Sarah wasn’t willing to rehash the night until it was over.
She stayed in the kitchen, watching Sarah start the kettle on the stove and pour milk into the frother.
“I can bring this to you when it’s done.”
“You’re sure?”
“Yeah. Go be with Quinn. He looked like he needed some time with you. I’ll be in in a few.”
“Okay.”
As she walked back down the hall, she heard Eunice mutter something about getting Quinn to play better tomorrow.
Sarah winced, wondering if he was ever allowed to be human before being an athlete.
Quinn looked up from his phone when Sarah came back in the room empty-handed. “No tea?” he asked, hoping his tone came off teasing. It was surprising to him she could start something and not finish it.
Leaving the door cracked open, she got back on the bed and crawled over him, “Eunice offered to bring it in. It takes our stove ages to boil water.”
He pulled her into him as soon as she got to his other side. As she bounced against him, she giggled, and it dissipated some of the angsty weight he’d been carrying around since the game ended.
She snuggled up to him again, working her left arm under his back. He arched until her hand brushed his ribs.
“That’s okay?” he asked, settling back down.
“Yeah.”
Though half of it was tied up, he threaded his fingers into the hair at the nape of her neck, then ran them through the soft strands. She made a contented little noise, so he did it again, just glad to be touching her.
“Thank you for this,” he said, voice quiet.
“For what?”
“For letting me come over. For,” he moved so he could wrap his arm around her, squeezing her a little bit closer.
“Hey, if cuddling makes you feel better, I’m always down,” she said, nuzzling her cheek into his shoulder. This kind of casual affection was what she missed most every time she broke up with all of her exes. Not to mention, she got so little physical touch being away from her family.
He chuckled, and it ended in a sigh.
His free hand found hers, and he slotted their fingers together.
“I really like you, Sarah.”
“I really like you, too, Quinn,” she said, tipping her head back so she could see his face. From this angle, his nose was more pronounced. She had to resist the urge to pull her hand from his so she could run her finger down the ridge of it to feel the prominent bump.
Sensing her stare, he turned his head, bringing their lips dangerously close. It only took a bit of stretching on Sarah’s part to bring them together.
When he felt Sarah strain toward him again, he rolled onto his side to shorten the distance between them. Her hand stayed on his chest, and their kisses remained sweet, though the adjusted position allowed for a little more tongue, which he wasn’t mad about.
This was much softer than anything they'd done so far. It was nice to know they could just be here: not rushing to get undressed or into something more intense and physical.
She loved this kind of lazy, slow kissing, but found it didn’t usually come until much later in a relationship, after all the first physical stuff was out of the way. To be kissing - making out without really making out - like this before they’d even had sex felt like a gift. Feeling his fingers run into her hair, bringing her face just that little bit closer to his Sarah sighed.
The way her chin moved in and out as they kissed, matching the rhythm of her tongue brushing his, lulled his body into a state of deeper relaxation than he’d felt all evening.
Pulling away just enough, she whispered, “you’re a really good kisser.”
A zing of pleasure shivered through his brain and all the way down Quinn's spine.
“Thanks,” he breathed, easing back to see her face.
He gazed into her eyes for a few moments longer, trying to calm his thoughts. Once he was over the initial daze her compliment brought on, he realized he should probably say something else. Instead of blurting out the, I like being good for you, that popped into his mind, he said, “you make it easy to be.”
When she shyly thanked him as her cheeks pinked, he felt like he'd swallowed the sun.
Unable to resist anymore, Sarah reached up to trace her finger down the bridge of his nose. “How did you break it?”
“The first time, Jack punched me in the face in an intense game of mini sticks.”
“Mini sticks?”
“It’s like…” How did he explain this to someone who’d never played? “It’s like indoor, carpet hockey. You use these little plastic sticks and a ball, usually. We used to play in the basement. My mom talks about how we played so hard, we would shake the whole house.”
“That’s some serious competition if you’re getting your nose broken.”
A breath of a laugh huffed out of him. “I deserved it. I was goading him on pretty bad, and he didn’t really know his own strength. I can still see the horror on his face when the blood started pouring.”
She resumed stroking, her touch feather light and gentle, “how many times have you broken it?”
“Three.” Quinn never thought he’d like someone touching him like this, but with Sarah, he found it comforting instead of irritating. It was like she just wanted to know every part of him. “The other two were pucks to the face.”
She winced. “That sounds painful. Those pucks are way heavier than I thought.”
“It’s not fun,” he said. “Thankfully, the adrenaline is still pumping, so it doesn’t really hurt until after the game is over.”
“You kept playing with a broken nose?”
Nodding, he laughed, “they strap on a full face shield, and send you back out there.”
An incredulous, protective look took over her face that Quinn instantly loved.
“Don’t worry. They do concussion testing and reset it if it needs it before.”
“That’s just…really?”
He nodded.
“I keep seeing all these memes about how tough hockey players are, and I always thought they were kind of exaggerated.”
“It’s a tough sport,” he said. “My goal is always to be swift enough on my feet to not get involved with the harsh stuff, but sometimes a puck just redirects, and bam, your nose is broken again.”
The kettle whistled.
As if by an unspoken rule, they pulled back from each other. Sarah’s hand dropped back to his chest.
A minute later, Eunice gently hipped open Sarah's door, carrying a tray with two steaming mugs and the whole milk frothing machine. “I figured it would be easier for you to froth in here,” she said, setting the tray down on Sarah's desk.
As she backed out of the room, she widened her eyes and quirked her brows a few times, giving Sarah a look that plainly said, you have a cute, famous boy in your bed, and we're going to discuss everything as soon as he’s gone.
“Thanks, Eunice,” Sarah said through a tight smile, hoping Quinn hadn’t seen.
“Sure thing,” she said before softly clicking the door shut.
“I don’t think I’ve ever had a tea latte,” Quinn said as he rolled onto his back so Sarah could crawl over him again. The urge to pull her on top of him by her hips was so strong that he had to curl his fingers into the quilt.
“Really?” she asked, plugging the frother into the outlet by her nightstand.
He shrugged.
The machine whirred to life.
“It’s good. I like it at night. The warm milk kind of puts me to sleep.”
When it was done, she divided the creamy concoction into the two mugs and brought one to Quinn.
“This is okay?” he asked, gesturing to the bed.
“Yeah.” There wasn’t anywhere else they could go. If he spilled tea on her sheets, she’d just have him help her change them.
Sarah sat opposite him, knees bent, her bare feet between his socked ones.
Their eyes met over their mugs, and Quinn smiled. “This is really good, thank you,” he said, gently tapping her leg with his toe.
“You’re welcome. I’m glad you came over.”
“Are you still up for the game tomorrow?”
“Yeah,” she said. “I’m planning on it.”
“And you’ll stay so I can take you home?”
She nodded. “Are you flying out again after that?”
He sighed, “yeah. On Sunday. We fly out to Dallas, play them on Monday, and then go to Colorado to play on Wednesday, and then I’ll be home for a week on Thursday afternoon.”
“I’m glad it’s not too long this time.”
“Me too.” A yawn split his face. He apologized, holding a fist over his mouth.
Shaking her head, Sarah said, “you’ve had a long day.”
“Yeah,” he agreed, downing the rest of the tea. “I should probably get home and get to sleep.”
While he pulled on his sneakers, Sarah set her latte aside and slipped on some sandals.
Rain was pounding against the glass fronted lobby when they got downstairs. Looking down at herself, Sarah said, “I’d walk you to your car, but I’m not really dressed for it.”
Half of his mouth lifted in an indulgent smile, “that’s okay.” Gathering her against him, he breathed in the smokey smell of her perfume to fortify himself for the dash into the rain and the drive home. “Thank you again.”
Her hands slid under his suit coat, pulling him more tightly against her, “you’re welcome. I’ll see you tomorrow,” she said, pulling back to look into his face.
“Tomorrow,” he agreed, leaning down to kiss her. They were in public, so he knew he shouldn’t linger, but he did anyway, savoring her mouth as the last thing he’d taste that night.
“Let me know when you get home, yeah?” she asked when they parted.
He nodded, and she watched him jog away before heading back upstairs.
Eunice was waiting in the entryway for her and immediately grabbed her hand. “Tell us everything,” she said, excitedly pulling Sarah down the hall to the bathroom where Jane was re-braiding her hair for work.
Before she sat in the hallway outside the bathroom, Sarah got her unfinished tea. As she sipped, she explained how he ended up there.
Both women awed when she recounted Quinn telling her he just wanted to hold her. Eunice broke in when Sarah got to the part about making tea.
“Jane, it was so cute. I walked by, and they’re cuddling. Then, when I came back, they were kissing. Like that soft movie kind of kissing - it looked so dreamy. Then when I walked by again –”
“Why were you walking by so much?” Sarah demanded.
Eunice didn't even blush, “I had to get my blanket.”
“And it took you two trips to do it?”
“I forgot what I was getting the first time and had to come back to the living room to remember.”
“Right,” Sarah deadpanned.
“Anyway,” she said in an over-exaggerated tone, “when I walked by again, she was petting his nose.”
“Oh my god,” Sarah exclaimed, “I am never bringing him over here again. He’s going to think you’re some kind of psychopathic stocker for walking by all the time.”
“Oh, he had no idea I was even there,” Eunice said. “He was way too busy longingly gazing at you, Ms. Roberts. I don’t think he would have even noticed me if I was stomping down the hall like a t-rex.”
“He was pretty enraptured,” Jane said.
“You too?”
“I had to go to the bathroom. Mine was legitimate.”
“Oh my fucking hell,” Sarah moaned.
“Why were you touching his nose?”
“I asked him how he broke it.” Sarah smiled at the floor. “And I like his nose.”
Eunice snorted, “of course you do.”
Cutting off Sarah’s incredulous look, Jane asked, “what was the best part?”
All of it, she wanted to say. The fact that he came over at all. That he just wanted to cuddle, the kissing…
“He was really sweet. I told him he was a good kisser and he just looked into my eyes for a while before he goes, ‘you make it easy to be.’”
“Oh my gosh,” Jane gushed, “really? That is such a good answer.”
“Will you just fuck him already?”
Sarah let out a surprised cough, and Eunice continued, “I think he’s proven he’s not just in it for the sex.”
“I think I knew that from the start.”
“So why are you waiting so long to jump him?”
“Eunice,” Jane admonished, “Sarah can take however long she likes to take that step.”
“Yeah, yeah,” Eunice said dismissively, flapping her hands, “I just want to know what he’s like in bed.”
“Oh my god,” Sarah said, dropping her head into her hands. “I am never discussing my sex life with you.”
“Yes you will.”
“No. I won't.”
“You will,” Eunice said with a quirk of her brows. “You've told us everything else so far. I don't think you'll be able to resist.”
“You’re unhinged, you know that?”
“That’s why you love me.”
Laughing, Sarah had to admit she was right.
Want more Quinn & Sarah? Check out the Snapshots Masterlist
To read all my fics, check out the Fanfiction Masterlist
#quinn & sarah snapshots#quinn hughes#quinn hughes fanfiction#quinn hughes fic#quinn hughes x oc#quinn hughes imagine#quinn hughes one shot#quinn hughes blurb#quinn hughes oneshot#nhl fanfiction#nhl imagine#hockey fanfiction#hockey romance#hurt/comfort#tkanswers 📮
260 notes
·
View notes