#I rlly need to take a break from coloring to get back to work on some art I owe ahhhh

[tourettesdog]

My seventh color work for Green With Envy 2024!

Had a lot of fun with these lines, by @maebird-melody

[athynathens]

this burning sensation

“This type of love has inflicted you pain so many times yet why you still looking for love?”

PAIRING. Bakugo Katsuki x You/Reader

ALTERNATIVE UNIVERSE. This takes place in the Boku No Hero Academia universe. No quirks have been stated here. This is purely a oneshot about Bakugo being a firefighter.

SYNOPSIS. Bakugo Katsuki is a firefighter who captured the hearts of many with his burning gaze. He does not sugarcoat his playboy demeanor, choosing to play around girls like a boy playing with matchsticks. He is quite skilled in maintaining the fire he needs. However, meeting you triggered his own fire to grow hotter and stronger. For the first time in his life, he does not know how to handle this very burning sensation.

WARNINGS. Minors dni, kinda angsty such as bakugo being a redflag and a dick (but a happy ending)

AUTHOR’S NOTES. Hiiii im back from university frl. Srry for not updatingggg!! Balancing my med life with this was rlly not possible so i had to wait for break. I’ll try my best to update as much as a i can before my second sem starts!! Thank you for your patience!!

TAGS. @professionalreblogger @ch3rryjampi3 @yaygerist @dragonscribble. Comment down if you wish to be tagged!

FIREFIGHTERS aid to those who have been in a fire accident. That was their primary purpose. However, you do not recall that their other objective was placing a burning sensation on your cheeks. Those rugged and buffy men be flexing them muscles while saving shit.

Before saving lives, they should learn how to save hearts, for real.

These desireable feelings began with Bakugo Katsuki. This man became the reason of the burning sensation on your cheeks.

You met this man in a rather unexpected way.

Uraraka, a friend from one of your part time jobs, had a get together with her highschool friends on an Ocean Park. It’s quite funny since one of your part time jobs is in this park. However, she’s clueless whether or not you’re working today.

— But it turns out you are.

“A mermaid show?” Kaminari reads. “Wait! There are mermaids here?!?”

Uraraka giggles and nods, “Yep!! One of my friends works as a mermaid who swims inside the tanks with the fishes!! Although, I am not sure if she’s on duty right now…that woman has other jobs after all!!”

“Does she swim with sharks?” Kaminari had to ask, but ended up getting hit in the head by Jiro.

“I heard she does!! She was trained after all!!” Uraraka replied.

“Damn, mama. Ya for real?” Sero asked, placing both hands on his pockets as he watched fishes swam from the glass.

The brunette nods her head again. “Yep!! I watched her once!! You know, she even had to dye her hair white-ish silver for this role since the color reflects better when she’s in water!!”

“Aye? Ya heard that Bakugo? A mermaid! Here in this Ocean Park! Can you believe that?” Kirishima called out his friend from a far.

Bakugo Katsuki walked towards them with his hands on his pockets. His compression shirt hugged his pecs and small waist perfectly, emphasizing his veiny arms as he flexed them. The scars and bruises on his arms added to his intimidatingly hot demeanor.

Bakugo scoffed, “I ‘ont get the damn hype. It’s a damn human with tails — a fake fucking tail.”

Kirishima chuckled, placing his buffed arm around his shoulder. He joked how uptight his friend can be. Kaminari and Sero joined in this joke. It ended up a loud explosion of anger from the blond.

“Ochako-chan,” Asui spoke with her index finger near her mouth. “Where should we go next before Bakugo attracts more people with his shouting?”

Uraraka looked behind Asui to only see the boys crowding one another, laughing and joking about boy stuff. Then, the girls looked to their side to see a bunch of girls giggling and smiling at the boys.

Momo sighed, “Tsuyu-chan, I don’t think it’s Bakugo’s shouting is what’s attracting them…”

“Yep. It’s their damn good looks that’s attracting those girls. Is this what it means to be a firefighter?” Jiro jokes, taking a bite of a fry from Momo’s hand.

“Boi. Can’t blame them! Have you seen my man?” Mina creates love simp eyes on her boyfriend, Kirishima. She stared at his huge biceps and thick thighs.

“Ew! Stop undressing your boyfriend in front of us!” Uraraka retorts, creating fake gagging noises.

“Shut yo ass up! I know you are drooling over your broccoli over there!” Mina teases, gesturing at a certain green-haired who is calming down an intense-looking Bakugo at the moment.

She flinched, a sudden redness arose from her cheeks and stuttered, “Shut u—”

She stopped talking when Uraraka heard the glass behind her tapping. The brunette looked behind to see you smiling at her. You had your mermaid outfit on, it was complete with sea shells and pearls.

Uraraka’s eyes brightened in excitement and screamed your name, gaining the attention of her highschool friends. The brunette jumped and waved upon seeing your figure in the water.

“Guys! This is the friend I told you about!!” Uraraka introduced happily.

You looked over to see side to see a lot of people. You heard of Uraraka’s high school friends, she loved talking about them during breaks. You never anticipated that you’ll meet them right here and right now while you’re in water. Most of them were smiling and waving at you. Therefore, you returned their kind gesture with gratitude.

Bakugo Katsuki thought you look ethereal. He thought he saw a goddess in the waters of chlorine. The way your hair is spread out in the water, the way your tail compliments the silver hair you have, the way the light reflects beautifully on your hair, the way your skin looks so exquisite like ambrosia.

His eyes travelled up to your face, analyzing it like a math problem. The smile plastered on your face made his stomach feel things, which was a weird feeling for him.

He had a history of flings here and there, but never did he had this tingling feeling on his stomach.

“Gettin’ attracted to this beautiful woman, I see?” Sero teases, siding his eyes to see his composure.

“Mind your own damn business,” He retorted, clicking his tongue.

Sero only grinned, loving this new side of his friend. It’s legit not like everyday someone as proud and cocky like Bakugo to get infatuated by a girl in fake tails.

Uraraka did charades with her body, trying to ask your time out. You placed 10 fingers out, illustrating that you’ll be done at 10am then you’re free. Today’s not hectic for her actually. This mermaid show is the only job she has for the day.

The brunette clapped her hands while jumping, and she pointed at the area where the jelly fishes are, indicating that they’ll be exploring that place first. You gave her a thumbs up then breathe out, causing bubbles to form and created a heart.

She giggled, waving you a goodbye as you swam to the opposite side to greet other guests through the glass.

“Damn, Uraraka! You’ve got a hot friend! If I wasn’t dating Eijiro, sure as hell will I date her!” Mina giggled, causing Kirishima to pout at her comment. The pink-haired noticed and console her beloved with kisses and hugs, causing Bakugo to roll his eyes at this lovestruck moment.

The group walked across the jellyfish section, admiring each sea creature. The couples in the group were laughing and holding each other while pointing at the jellyfishes. The only single ones are Iida, Sero and Bakugo. This trio stuck together, being third wheels with the couples.

At first, Bakugo wanted to leave, but after seeing such an ethereal creature before his eyes; that gave him a reason to stay.

“So,” Sero began talking. “You and Miss Mermaid, aye?”

The blond rolled his eyes, “What about her?”

Iida karate-chop his arm towards Bakugo, pointing at him completely. “We saw how you looked at her!! There’s nothing wrong with being attracted to someone of the opposite sex! You should ask her out!”

“I don’t do relationships, and yall know that shit,” Bakugo scoffed, pushing Iida’s hand away.

Sero leaned forward a bit to punch his chest and said, “That’s what that red hunk said too,” He gestured at Kirishima, who has his buffy arms around Mina’s shoulders. “Yet, he’s such a simp for Mina right now.”

The blond was about to mention something till he heard such an alluring voice coming from behind. He snapped his head back to see you running towards them with a smile. His stomach dropped, seeing you in such a big jacket that emphasized your small frame. Your legs were bare in front of him, and he doesn’t even notice you have shorts thanks to the length of this jacket.

“Goodness! Your hair is still wet!!” Uraraka ran towards you with concern.

“Nah! That’s fine!!” You replied, reassuring her that this is fine.

The brunette grabbed your wrists, bringing you closer to the group. She introduced her boyfriend first, Midoriya Izuku. Then, she introduced her girl friends, who excitedly commented about how pretty you looked in the water. Lastly are the boys. She introduced these tall and intimidating-looking men to you.

You were a bit scared since their height can make your neck hurt — or maybe you were just really tiny…

Uraraka then brought you to the last person in the group. You looked up to see sharp eyes staring down at you. Your body flinched a bit with his gaze. As the brunette was introducing you to this blond, you had to fondle your fingers together while looking at the ground.

“Name’s Bakugo Katsuki,” He suddenly spoke, beating Uraraka to his introduction.

You bowed slightly, acknowledging his presence while keeping your head down. He isn’t exactly a new person to you. Him and his friends are pretty famous in the neighborhood.

Uraraka stared at you then at him then at you again. The latter got the picture so she giggled teasingly, catching your attention.

“What?” You asked, curious to why she’s suddenly laughing.

“Nothing,” She shook her head while giggling.

You were about to speak when she wrapped her arms around your arm, tugging you closer to her. You had a feeling she’s trying to change the subject, but she just keeps giggling and pulling you around.

You managed to look behind to only see the boys swarming around Bakugo, giving him a high-five and such. Your heart fluttered when his mouth turned into a sexy grin, such cockiness would usually turn you off, but with him? It makes your cheeks have that burning sensation.

His eyes suddenly snapped towards you. Holy shit. He caught you staring. You immediately snapped your head forward, trying to walk faster and away from him.

As the day goes by, the group toured around the Ocean Park. Some even got to tryout the scuba diving section in this park while others got to pet penguins and such. They did all the fun things presented by the park.

It was all fun and games to those people, but to you? It was a tiring experience.

The reason? Well, it’s simple really…it’s Bakugo frickin’ Katsuki.

Everywhere you go, his eyes follows. You can see his red orbs just staring at you through the glass while you watch fishes swim around. You would also side glance to see him gazing at you again.

As the sun begins to disappear from the sky, the group had to separate their ways. However, the funny thing is that Uraraka was supposed to bring you home, but she excused herself quite quickly and asked Bakugo to bring you home. This seemed way planned since she giggled loudly, almost as if she’s teasing me with something that not yet happened.

D-Did she just leave me with this hottie? You sweat, seeing her figure getting smaller and smaller from the distance.

“U-Um…you don’t have to bring me home…I can just take the train…” You stuttered, still not looking at him due to shyness.

He finally spoke. “You have a habit of not looking at people or sumthing, Shrimpy?”

You gulped, “U-Um…sorry…i-it’s just..umm…” How the fuck do you say that the reason why you can’t look at him is cause he’s too fucking hot for you. His presence alone is already making you shy.

Bakugo chuckled, “Got it, Shrimpy. C’mon my ride’s just here.”

He began walking while twirling his keys with his index finger and his other hand on his pocket. You followed him till he reached his car. As soon as he unlocked his car, he opened the door for you. This small action made your heart flutter once more.

His large frame suddenly leaned forward to put your seatbelt on. Your heart dropped, seeing how close he is to your own body.

As he retracted from your body, his fingers traced your thighs. You flinched, not knowing if he’s doing this on purpose or by accident. Your throat released a big gulp, subconsciously crossing your legs and holding the strap of belt.

When he entered the car, he began driving to the destination. Holy fucking fuck. He’s driving with one hand while the other’s in the hand gear shift. You fondled with the strap again as you gazed upon his hand on the wheel. Each time he turns, you watched the veins on his hands just popped out.

“Nice digs…” You complimented his car, trying to strike a conversation to get rid of this awkward fucking silence. And well to be honest, you just want to hear his sexy voice.

He grinned, switching the position of his hands on the wheels. “You sure know how to fucking compliment a man.” His reply made you blush once more, reddening your cheeks more.

“So where ‘m taking ya, Shrimpy?”

“U-Umm…to XXX-XXX…please.”

His eyebrow arched, remembering that area recently got into a fire accident. He was a part of that mission, and he vaguely recalled that experience. It was pretty hectic and dangerous, the most dangerous he has ever experienced. He even thought he was gonna die while saving the citizens inside.

“You ought to be careful there. I recently rescued people from a fire accident around your area, ya hear me?”

Your head snapped towards him, he finally caught your attention. “Rescue..? You’re a firefighter, right?”

He scoffed playfully, “What gave that shit away?”

“I actually saw you once in action! The building was literally collapsing yet you managed to carried out 5 people on your back!!” You replied with such amazement, recalling how brave and heroic he looked when he exited the building.

Now this piqued his interest. “Ho? You saw me once, huh?”

You can only nod excitingly. You rambled — well more on praised his heroic performance since you only saw that type of shit in TV. Experiencing an event like that in real life just makes the experience a whole lot better. Your respect for firefighters just deepened since it must be very hard walking onto those flames to save people.

“How do you do it?” You had to ask, curious with his lifestyle as a firefighter. He only stayed silent, not sure what you were implying.

“Like…how do you just walk into fire to save them? It takes a lot of mental strength to do that, you know? And is your job just running inside the burning house? Are there other jobs? Are you required to learn stuff from the medical field? What happens if—” You stopped talking when he laughed loudly.

You tilted your head in confusion, trying to recall if you said anything funny. “What’s so funny?”

He shook his head, trying to catch his breath. “Nothing! The conversation I usually have with girls are about getting my phone number and sex. But you?” He looked at you for a brief moment then back at the road. “You asked about my job?”

“Not everything’s about sex!” You retorted. “Besides, I was just really curious about it, you know? It still really amazes me how you managed to save people in a collapsing building…”

Batump…

Bakugo stared at the road blankly, not expecting this type of conversation with a girl. It was no lie when he mentioned that girls are only after his number and sex. This was the first time someone asked him about…well…him.

The blond knew he’s self-worth. He knows that he can attract ladies with his charms and looks. All he had to do is glance to their direction as he flex his muscles, and the girls come to him.

You tilted your head when he chuckled, perplexed with what he’s laughing on. You were about to ask till he began explaining the basics and strategies. He elucidated everything so well, that it felt like a lecture at this point. This alone indicates how he loves his job.

You smiled at his rambling, and you continued asking questions. He answered them quickly, trying to contain his excitement which ended up as a fail to be honest.

This went on till he finally drove you home.

Bakugo parked his car, veering the gear shift to its parking mode. You removed your seatbelt and fixed the strap of your bag on your shoulders. You were about to open the door when he did it for you.

As soon as the door opened, your heart skipped a beat from this gesture.

“Ya comin’ or what?” He rasped, placing his palm in front of you.

You nodded, colliding your fingers with his fingers first. Then, you slowly guided your fingers to his palm. The blond reacted by slowly closing his hand while you reacted the same way.

You giggled a bit, “Didn’t depict you to be a gentleman.”

He scoffed, closing the door and lock his car. “Was that supposed to be an insult, dumbass?”

“Take it how you want it…”

He arched his brow, holding your hand a bit tighter. The goosebumps traveled up your body, not expecting the sudden aggression from him.

Holy ravioli cheesecake macaroni….The burning sensation is back on your cheeks. It’s only know you realized how rough and calloused his hands are. Moreover, they were warm which made you feel cozy. And goodness, his hands were fucking big. You can’t even almost see your hands anymore, just the tip of your fingers.

“U-Um…thanks for bringing me home, Bakugo-kun…” You broke the silence.

“No problem.”

You slowly loosen the grip on his hand, indicating that you need to leave. He got the idea and slowly loosened his grip as well. You were a bit — no, you were really sad that the warmth on your hand is gone.

“Uhh. Hey,” He suddenly spoke, placing one hand on his hips while the other is scratching the back of his neck.

“I ‘ont usually ask this type of shit, but wanna grab coffee with me or something?” He asked, looking away from your eyes with a mild blush.

You giggled. “What time and when?”

“Uhhh…tomorrow? After our shift?”

Your eyes went wide, not expecting to be that quick. You intentionally let out a huge smile, “That eager to see me?”

Bakugo flinched, getting irritated since he isn’t used to be teased on. “If you ain’t free then we can fucking just—” He stoped exploding when he heard you laughing.

Batump…

There it goes again.

Batump…

It’s the same beat and sound he heard while in the car.

Batump…

And suddenly, the world around him moved slowly. Background was blurry, but you were emphasized on his eyes. He clicked his tongue in annoyance, not understanding this new feeling. However, it’s a feeling he would want to feel again with only you.

“I would love to have coffee with you!!” You stopped laughing, wiping a happy tear from your eye.

Fucking shit. His heart skipped a damn beat again.

Many months has passed since your first meeting with Bakugo. Your cheeks still burn as ever when you see him while his heart beats faster and faster when he sees you.

The blond knew what the damn feeling was — love.

It took him months of declining, denying and refusing his feelings for you. He wanted to slap and choke his past self for waiting that damn long to be truthful with his feelings. As he mentioned, he doesn’t commit to a relationship because it’s tiring and time consuming. Hence why it was hard for him to conclude his end game with you.

Months ago, the blond had to consult with about Kirishima Eijiro, a former playboy, about his feelings. The redhead happily guided and counseled him about his concerns and worries. Though it was a painful moment for Kirishima since Bakugo kept denying it even further.

Mina was so close into smacking her blond friend for being so stupid, but Kirishima held his girlfriend back. He kinda wish he did not though….

Soon, it became too much to bear so Kirishima asked help from the rest of his friends to hopefully smack talk Bakugo through this.

“You’re complicated, you know that right?” Kirishima groaned loudly, putting on his firefighter suit.

Bakugo clicked his tongue in irritation, placing some equipment needed ok his suit. Iida shook his head in disapproval, “When will you finally come true with your feelings, Bakugo-kun?”

“I AM TRUE WITH MY FEELINGS!” He retorted, slamming his locker loudly.

“Really now? Denying your feelings for [Name] is your true feelings?” Kaminari sighed, removing his jacket and placing it inside his locker.

“I ain’t denying shit!”

Sero shook his head in disapproval. “C’mon, dude! I’ve seen the way you look at her. You have those twinkle twinkle stars on your eyes!”

“I fucking do not!”

“Hm. Leading [Name] on, Taking advantage of [Name], Cursing at [Name] out of no where, Does not apologize at first, Tries to win her back by apologizing, Plays around with girls, and cycle repeats,” Todoroki spoke, holding his chin with his slender fingers.

“….I believe that’s called a—” He continued speaking.

“—Red flag.” He snapped his fingers while looking at Bakugo.

Bakugo’s vein popped out on his forehead. “I AIN’T NO RED FLAG, ICYHOT!”

Todoroki tilted his head in confusion. “But according to this generation slang, you fit into the red flag category more rather than the green flag category.”

“You wanna fucking die, Half ��n Half?”

Midoriya sweats, going in between an enraged Bakugo and a genuinely confused Todoroki. “Now! Now! Now! No need to get violent, Kacchan. I think what Todoroki-kun means is that you not being true with your feelings also breaks [Name]’s heart.”

The green-haired continued, “It’s obvious that [Name] likes you too yet you keep pushing her away with your mood swings. First, you were kind and gentle with her and next, you were cussing at her while making out with another girl. It’s a surprise that [Name] even stuck with you for so long. Kacchan, if you continue acting like this, you won’t even realize that she’s gone…”

“He’s right, bro…” Kirishima agreed. “Listen. Before Mina and I started dating, I didn’t realize that I love her so much till she stopped chasing after me. I’ve spent months having breakdowns and regrets when I didn’t choose to follow my heart to be with her. Don’t you remember what you told me during those months?”

Kirishima placed his finger tip on his chest. “Stop delaying shit. Just ask her out so I won’t have to worry for your dumbass.” The latter repeated the words Bakugo told him before.

Bakugo’s eyes only quivered, gulping down his throat as his fist clenched while thinking of you out of his reach.

A sweat dripped from Sero’s forehead so he sighed, “Alright then. Since you don’t like [Name], can I have her?”

The blond’s eyes went wild, grabbing Sero’s collar and pining him against the locker. “You wanna fucking die, Tape Face?”

Sero chuckled since he expected this reaction from him. “Seems like you found your answer, ain’t that right dumbass?”

He slowly loosen his grip on his collar, realizing his actual feelings with you. He fucking likes you. He began thinking why he keeps denying it — was it really his ego and pride to not date? If that’s the damn answer, he wanted to blast himself for being so stupid.

However, it was frustrating that it took a jealousy moment for him to realize. What’s even more annoying is that it was the one of his friends that riled him up.

“Yer fuckin’ annoying, damn it…” Bakugo cussed, glaring at Sero who’s grinning.

“To clear shit out, I ain’t after your girl. She’s yours. And it’s thanks to me your dumbass knows what you’re actually feeling.”

The blond rolled his eyes, “Shut up…”

Kirishima smiled, almost tearing up like a proud parent since his dumbass of a friend finally accept his feelings. He lunged at Bakugo, wrapping an arm on his shoulders with a smile. He laughed and ruffled through his hair, praising him which eventually made Bakugo annoyed.

Suddenly, the emergency alarm made a loud sound.

This signals that there has been a fire accident near by. It was their cue to roll out and get the job done. All of them got what they need from their lockers before slamming them shut. As they ran to their truck, Midoriya called for his friends.

“Guys…this fire emergency is actually happening in [Name]’s workplace….” He showed his messages of Uraraka spamming him to get his ass there and distinguish the fire.

Bakugo’s world stopped.

His pupils shrunk in fear, he can feel his body paling up as cold sweat dripped from his body. His body shivered slowly, feeling his gaze getting blurry. He clenched his fists as he practically sprinted to the truck.

His friends followed behind, jumping into their truck. Kaminari, their driver, stepped into the gas as the gate of their department opened. The rest began readying their equipment needed.

While doing so, Bakugo’s paranoia kept increasing. The negative thoughts of you in the fire is making him lose his mind. He even began thinking that he might not make it. An unfamiliar wetness began to form on his eyes, he was unsure what it is, but it was not a pleasant feeling.

As soon as they arrive, number of people were in the sidelines. The policemen were blocking their way, guarding the citizens while aiding the people who managed to get away from the fire.

Bakugo’s stomach dropped when he sees you not outside. He immediately saw Uraraka, crying and shivering with burns on her skin. The blond ran towards her and screamed, “ROUNDFACE! WHERE’S [NAME]!?!”

Uraraka faced him with lifeless eyes and pointed at burning flower shop.

He did not hesitate. He ran inside even with his crew mates yelling and trying to stop him. The blond ran through the blazing fire, rummaging through the debris. He sank deeper into the fire, the ashes covering his sight a bit. However, he soon saw a body lying down on the floor with wood crushing its body.

His eyes lit up in hope so he ran to that body. He began removing the heavy wood crushing the body. Soon, he cried in relief when he saw it was you.

Bakugo bent down, carrying your upper body against this thigh. His fingers removed the hair on your face, analyzing for injuries and others. When he confirmed you’re still breathing, he wanted to cry out of happiness. He lifted you up bridal style, carrying you out with caution.

Uraraka collapsed on the floor in relief when she saw you in Bakugo’s arms. The blond immediately brought you to their medic. He immediately removed his helmet to look at you properly. The latter held your cheeks with caution, shaking you a bit to wake up.

“HEY! Wake up! Oi! Wake up!” He yelled, still holding your cheeks.

“Bakugo! Move back!” Iida screamed, slamming the first aid down, and he moved closer to examine your condition.

The blond moved back, his eyes getting blurry again as that water sensation is back on his eyes. His hands found its way on his hair, gripping them like there’s no tomorrow. He watched as more people surround you, trying to stabilize your breathing and checking your pulse.

Kacchan, if you continue acting like this, you won’t even realize that she’s gone…

Bakugo can’t lose you. He just finally came true with his feelings. The blond began to shiver while a cold sweat surrounded his body. Everything was already a blur even sounds, it was only your body that was emphasized on his eyes.

Stop delaying shit. Just ask her out so I won’t have to worry for your dumbass.

Once again, he wanted to fucking blast himself for being so damn stupid. It took him months to realize that shit. Bakugo began regretting every pain he inflicted on you — the times when he got mad at you randomly, the times when he would degrade her in front of his flings, and the times when his mood swings got the best of him.

Tears dropped from his eyes, praying to God that he won’t take you. His tears didn’t stop when he saw no movement from you. With his blur gaze, he watched his friends run towards him in concern. They shook him, trying to snap him back to reality.

Soon, everything literally turned into a blur.

The rush to the hospital, the doctors inserting a needle inside you, the nurses checking your regulation was all a blur. Bakugo just went with the flow — wherever you went, he was there.

It’s been a whole day since the fire incident. You were sleeping on the hospital bed with IV fluid flowing inside your veins. The blond stayed by your side till the end, his knees popping up and down aggressively while his face is buried on his hands.

He prayed every second that you would wake up. He begged whatever God was up there to hear his prayers right now. He pleaded for a miracle to happen.

“B-Bakugo…?”

His head snapped forward to see your eyes open. His own eyes shone in joy, practically jumping from his seat. The blond tripped a bit, colliding his knee on the floor but didn’t seemed to care. He immediately tended to you first, holding your hand then your cheek.

“H-How are you..?” He asked, caressing your cheeks.

“I-I should be asking that…did you even sleep?” You chuckled, trying a bit harder to open your eyes more.

“I’m fine, don’t worry. Are you okay? Do you need anything?”

“Just thirsty…is there any water? Being in that fire got me so damn parched…” You joked, trying to lift his sad and mood. However in all honesty, it’s freaking you out a bit to see how sad and miserable he looks.

It’s not a bad thing or anything, but you were so used to see Bakugo so prideful and cocky. Seeing him in this state was a legit new thing for you.

With a lot of care and caution, he lifted your head a bit while bringing a glass of water near your mouth. A satisfied gulp engulfed you when you feel the wet sensation relieving your parched throat. You expressed your gratitude with the blond as he slowly placed your head down in the pillow.

“How bad was it?” You had to ask.

“Burnt to the ground. The Department even discussed that people living in that area should stay with someone else first. They decided that they should scout the area to investigate the cause. That fire accident was the 4th time this week.”

“I-Is that so?” You stuttered and uttered again. “Can you pass my phone? I’ll ask Uraraka if I can stay with her…”

Bakugo crossed his arms. “Um. About that…you’ll be staying with me…”

“I-Is that alright? I don’t want to intrude, especially if you’re bringing girls over…”

His eye twitched, cursing at you for being too kind. Not to mention, he finally became true with his feelings so the thought of other girls touching him became an unpleasant idea.

“It’s fine, you’re no—never a hinderance…I’ll consult with the nurse with your discharge…” He sighed, walking to the door to exit the room.

“W-Wait! At least tell me the price of the—” You didn’t finish your sentence since he closed the door already.

When he closed the door, Bakugo noticed Todoroki leaning on the opposite side of the door. His arms were crossed to his chest while his one foot is up in the wall, propping his knee out.

“You lied about the Department declaring that the people living in the area should stay with someone else…” He pointed out, grinning a bit to tease him.

The blond clicked his tongue, jaw clenched in annoyance as he looked away with a deep blush. “Shut the fuck up, Icy Hot…”

Afterwards, Bakugo finalized your bills and papers. The blond paid for everything already which annoyed you a bit. You were grateful that he took care of everything, but a heads up would be fucking nice. Throughout the day, he helped you with legit everything — from getting up from the bed to walking to his apartment.

As soon he settled you down on the sofa. He grabbed the remote to his smart TV, allowing you to pick any movie you want to watch. You shyly got the remote from his hand, but while getting it, his fingers traced your hand. With a gulp, you immediately retracted your hand from his.

He notified that he will be making dinner so he made his way to the kitchen. You can hear the sounds of knives across the kitchen. You can even smell the food he was making. It smelled really good which was no surprise since Bakugo was a good cook.

Later, he prepared the food on a plate and gave it to you on the sofa. You expressed your gratitude and began eating.

Bakugo took care of you for 3 days, attending to your needs. You didn’t ask for much though, you mostly sat on the sofa while watching movies. The blond did not let you do a single thing, he used your discharge from the hospital as an excuse.

“Bakugo, I’m feeling a lot better now…I think I should at least do something…” You said, feeling guilty that you are basically not doing anything.

“Not happening. You’re still—Stop using that as an excuse. I’m pretty sure I know when my own body is feeling fine. I missed work for 3 days since then! When will the Departement allow me to go back to my home?” You just had to ask.

“I lied about the Department…” He bluntly exclaimed, wanting to clarify that a long time ago.

Your eyes went wide. “W-What?”

“I-I lied about it because I became d-desperate…”

You took a deep breath, holding onto your sanity. “Desperate about what?” You questioned, trying to understand why he kinda kidnapped you for his own benefit.

“To be with you…”

You arched your brow. “To be with me?” You raised your voice a bit, crossing your arms to your chest.

“Y-Yes..fuck, I ain’t good with this, but I-I like you so I lied and some shit…” He confessed, looking down to the floor with a definite blush.

I like you. Those are the words you desired to hear. It’s no shock that you became the victims of love of Bakugo. The man has this charisma that you can’t avoid so you fell for him too. However, loving him was also your downfall.

The amount of times he has hurt you is never ending. All the sorries, the hope, the love became too much for you at some point. But, you were so lovesick for him so you forgave his sorry ass no matter what. You don’t care, you’ll do it over and over, even if he’s not a prince in your list.

This type of love has inflicted you pain so many times yet why you still looking for love?

“Bakugo, I get that you did this because you like me. I like you too, but…” You paused when you saw the light on his eyes.

“…I-I’m not sure if I want to be with you…”

His eyes widen as his shoulders tensed up in fear. He was about to speak, but you spoke first, “I like you, I really do, but I can never forget all the times you’ve hurt me. But, what really hurts me is when you kissed that girl in the party, what’s worse is when she degraded me, you did not do anything. How can I stay with a guy who wouldn’t put down his pride? How can you ensure that you’ll make me happy..”

Bakugo snapped, grabbing your forearms tightly and yelled, “I can make you happy!”

You chuckled, and a tear dropped from your eye. “Really? Because you’ve given me a lot of sad memories rather than happy ones.”

His face paled up, realizing the amount of times he has hurt you due to his ego. All those memories are finally getting back to him, it all flashed through him like the wind.

“I-I…” He stuttered, loosening his grip on your forearms. His hand slowly traveled down to your hands. He slightly touches your fingers, his head looking down in remorse.

“I’m sorry…” Those two words were short, but it held a greater context behind it. You can feel the sincerity with his words, it felt like every pain he has given you vanished. You shut your eyes for a moment, trying to decide an answer to his apology.

Should you listen to your brain and say that it’s over? It’s clearly a huge sign that he is a red flag in many aspects.

Or should you listen to your heart and give him another chance? It’s already a huge risk that you’re even speaking with him. Will he be worth it? Can attitudes and personality change?

You opened your eyes, already done deciding. So you spoke, “Bakugo.”

His breath hitched, holding your fingers tighter.

“It’s stupid, but I’ll give you another chance. However, you must work for it. I do like you, but I want to see effort first. I’m quite traditional so forgive me for asking such, but I need to see if you truly like me or this is just a fling of yours,” You confessed which gave him a spark of hope.

He smiled, his fingers holding your entire hands and bringing it up to your chest. “I’ll take it!!” He yelled enthusiastically.

You arched your brow, a chuckle left your mouth. “Just to let you know, I won’t make it easy for you. I’ll show you my flaws, my bratty attitude, and my own red flags. Let’s see how you’ll handle that, just like how I handled yours. Now, don’t look so relief just because you know I like you.”

He looked surprised for a moment, but his expression turned into an excited look. “That’s fucking fine. Ya can be as mean as you want to be, but ‘m fucking winning ya back.”

You scoffed playfully, “Please. I’m sure you won’t even last a damn day with my attitude.”

Bakugo grinned, his eyes burned with sensation, “Game fuckin’ on.”

ˏˋ°•*⁀➷ possible continuation? or leave it as an open-ending for all?

[pleucas]

i got a few asks about my process :0 so yea i took some screenshots mid-process of my recent cliff-skk thing just for that

m gonna preface everything by saying that i did have a ref for the environment!! i avoid color dropping from the image and tracing cuz i do want to hone some digital skills. also saying i'm doing an "environment study" when i'm really just drawing skk makes me feel better abt myself

when i don't have a reference, i tend to do some thumbnail sketches in my sketchbook. here's some random stuff of past work, where i rawdogged everything:

but whatever, back to the cliff-skk. i'll also post a timelapse of it for easy ref, but detailed stuff is under the cut :)

first i did some rough sketches on an orangeish background (underpainting etiquette, i find it helps things feel brighter and keep a stable tone when choosing colors to lay on top), and I quickly lined skk :)

then I laid down some flats for the background, again really eyeballing the reference for hues. afterwards i thought it was a bit bright, and i wanted a more sepia/nostalgia feel to it, so i hue adjusted everything to something more uniform

then i lay down flats for skk + the ocean, which i both had to color adjust a lot (you might see that in the timelapse), and then i jump straight into rendering the background. when i render, i always prefer to do it over something lineless, so i turn the sketch layer off. i rarely do lineart for backgrounds.

i also used to render the characters first, but i've found that it's just not a great approach—especially for art where characters and background are interacting, knowing the hues and shades of the environment is crucial to effective rendering on the character that doesn't make them look out of place.

when i'm rendering, i really try to keep in mind tenants of contrast, perspective, form, and light/shadow. ex, stuff "closer" to us has more detail; the hill in the back is minimalist (in comparison); the shadows lean cool-green while the light leans gray-yellow. rake brushes really carried me here idk... my fav brushstyle forever

eventually i reach a point where i'm satisfied (or bored) with the background. for the last stages i usually have the subjects hidden so i can really perfect the details—but then for super duper final details, like the little leaf specks and grass strands, i unhid skk so the poppy details could work around skk. then i get to rendering the characters :)

i forgot to take ss of all the stages when i rendered skk, but here's something from... about the middle of the process? i tend to render characters with the lineart hidden as well, sometimes bringing it back just to clarify things, but ultimately i prefer to define things by form than by line. that's just me tho idk, idt it makes or breaks anything, just a preference

again rlly just thinking about cool/warm, reflective tones (the greenish shadow on chuuya's left inner leg, sky-gray blue on dazai's vest), really just slotting the subject into the environment. after i finish rendering the characters, i usually return to the background and add some stuff—in this one i defined the waves a bit and put some grass around skk

and yeah then we're done idk LOL. sometimes i run the file through camera raw (photoshop) to do some color adjustments—i find that my iPad displays colors super differently, usually making things a lot lighter than they are (u can see how dark the timelapse is...), so i find myself lightening my work a lot. i also sharpen and add noise as needed :)

i think my process has changed a lotttt even in this past year. it's kinda crazy!! it's always fun to do these and just reflect a bit on how i work. mostly just mindless insanity until it kinda works.

thanks for sending in an ask. and if u read all that, thanks to u too lolol

[pupkashi]

boyfriend!nanami headcanons

a/n: hi friends! thank u so much for the request i hope you guys like these :3 lmk what u think !! hoping it isn’t too ooc for him :(

wordcount: 1,228

masterlist

so we all agree nanami is the perfect, romantic, 10/10 man right? okay cool!

he is the best boyfriend is the most cliche amazing way possible

he totally asks you out with roses and takes you to a nice dinner to a fancier restaurant after a couple dates or if you aren’t rlly into that he’ll cook dinner for the two of you in his house <3

he’s such a gentleman !!!!! he is checking up on you when you tell him you’re nervous for something, giving you the best advice he can, reminding you that you’re 100% prepared for everything, and if you aren’t then he’s there to comfort you!

buys you ‘just because’ flowers ALL THE TIME !

he’s coming back from work / a mission? he’s buying you flowers! went to the convenience store for something? he’s stopping by to get flowers! saw your old bouquet looking a bit droopy? no worries, there’s a new one on its way to you now :)

always getting u anything you want ever, it’s a problem actually

“i kinda want this water bottle but i don’t really need it” you mumble, mainly to yourself, kento’s ears are perking up, asking you to show him

two days later he’s handing you the bottle, a smile on his face when you light up and thank him for it

going shopping with him is DANGEROUS! he is buying you everything you try on and like and MORE !

“this is so cut- nevermind!” you chuckle, setting the handbag down when you see the outrageous price tag, nanami is quirking his brow, “just get it darling, price isn’t an issue”

he’s always adding any little gifts you give him to his lavish fancy apartment, splashes of color all over his beige themed apartment, if you aren’t there his eyes will sometimes wander to the gifts, smiling to himself and shooting you a message, ‘i miss you, call me when you’re free <3’

he so pampers you all the time :( especially when you’re feeling a bit more stressed wether it’s your job or finals, he’s there reminding you to eat and drink water, making you take breaks or short little naps when you have time to spare

gives you massages and cuddles you to sleep, reading to you until your breathing is even or turning the tv off when you doze off on the couch accidentally

majority of the time will cook dinner for you, unless he’s absolutely exhausted then he’ll order something in,,, never makes you cook if you don’t wanna !!!!

when you guys move in together he does as much as he can when it comes to chores, always making sure he’s pulling his weight and then some so you aren’t stressed about it <333

loves days when you’re both deep cleaning and you have your music blasting through the apartment, the two of you dancing along to the music, a huge smile on your face when you hear him humming along

drives you around everywhere you want ! you won’t be touching a steering wheel unless you want to or it’s absolutely necessary,, he wants you to be his passenger prince / princess

fuels any hobbies you have! buys you any supplies you want / need without hesitation,, you need more yarn? he’ll buy you as much as you want. you want more books? he’ll buy you the whole series!

is SO thoughtful when it comes to gifts, he’ll think about what to get you months in advance and never once gets you anything tacky or that you don’t like (because he actually listens and pays attention to what you like)

he’s an amazing listener !!!! boyfriend!nanami is always hooked on your every word, keeping up with any gossip you tell him or rants you go on

amazing cuddler. wraps you in his arms and pulls you into his warm body, tight enough grip that makes you feel secure but to where you can wiggle out at anytime you want (he never wants to make u feel trapped </3)

will be vulnerable with you 10000% he’s not afraid of crying infront of you and sharing his emotions!

he’s very mature when it comes to arguments, letting you cool down if you need it and talking through what upset you or him and figuring out how to best resolve the problem

will never go to bed mad, he always makes sure the issue is solved as soon as possible because he doesn’t want you to be stressed or upset longer than you need to :(

remembers every little thing he can !!! any off hand comments you make, the jokes you tell, the dates you’ve been on, you name it and he’s recalling it to you exactly how it went

y’all have SO MANY inside jokes it’s terrible to your friends, the two of you looking at each other with a smile when someone says the word ‘can’ and they’re so confused

“it’s an inside joke, it would take too long to explain” you say, trying to change the subject as you bite back laughter

he is so playful and unserious with you, anyone around you absolutely does not believe it when you tell them kento knows the Cupid shuffle, but you know because you saw it with your own eyes

will make amazing jokes that have you wheezing in the floor all the time, describing things with much too sophisticated words that make it all so much funnier

he’s very protective of you

will always make sure you’re safe no matter what happens ever, it’s always his top priority

especially when he’s back in the Jujutsu line of work, he’s always checking in on you and making sure nothing bad has happened to you

when you’re out with friends he’ll occasionally message you, making sure you’re still doing good, never upset if you come home late as long as you let him know so he doesn’t worry his pretty head :(

the times you do forget he’s only minorly upset, letting it go easily because all that really matters is that you’re okay and you had a fun time :]

absolutely gives you ‘scary dog privelage’ !!!! you can go on late night walks all the time now with nanami by your side! no one even dared to try anything with the tall, beefy man walking in stride with you, muscles straining against his plain white t shirt as he stretches a bit

his gaze alone is enough to stop people from coming up and flirting with you at bars or any parties you might attend

his intimidating stare + his arms crossed across his chest is an insanely attractive sight for you, increasingly terrifying for those on the receiving end of it

doesn’t get jealous much, he trusts you with all his heart and more, and you show him how much you love him all the time

on the rare occasion he does get jealous, he’ll ask for some reassurance, his mind easing at your genuine words <33

he also will 100% make out with you until you’re breathless and leave marks where only he can see

overall nanami is just the most amazing caring boyfriend that will spoil you rotten and give you all the love he has to offer because it’s what you deserve <3

[supernova41st]

One small step at a time! 🛸

Tf2 x Juno!reader

A/n: This one’s for all my overwatch babes <33 ik this idea is rlly niche but this was so fun to write I’m so proud of this. Most of these can be interpreted as platonic but read however you’d like, enjoy ✨

Warnings: Scottish people, Drinking, Passing out drunk

Vocab: (p/f) - Parental Figure

Engineer

He has such a father daughter relationship with you

When you first landed on earth he was extremely fascinated by the technology your (p/f) discovered to get to mars, especially your anti-gravity boots

“So these things are just makin’ you float around?”

“Yeah! I’m not really used to earths gravity so my (p/f) sent me off with overboots!.. how do you guys get anything done while stuck on the ground?”

“We just make do with what we can, sugar”

His fav activity with you? Lounging. Doesn’t look like much but his rancho relaxer + you using your jetpack to ‘sit’? Soo cute

You guys would just be chilling in his workshop after doing whatever task it was you were doing <3

“You want a beer, Buttercup?”

“No thank you! I’m not really fond of drinks with alcohol since all we could drink at mars was juice and water”

“shoot, glad I’m not you”

He’s definitely one of the mercs who warmed up to you the fastest, he’s just chill like that.

Medic

Pls don’t tell him your from mars, weird shit is gonna happen

He’s going to treat you like one of his test subjects, at first it starts tame with general check ups but it escalated pretty fast.

When doing his uber surgery on you he decided to explore more things

“..how long was I out, Dr. Ludwig?”

“Oh not long!! Just two.. days”

“What? You said it would only take about 20 minutes!!”

“Vell yes I did say that my Martian friend, however I must say curiosity got the best of me! I simply had to know more about your anatomy”

“Uhm,, ok”

Yeah you’re so scared of him now lol

But of course you two do need to work together to try healing your teammates

He loves it when you heal him, it’s always a pleasant surprise since he never expects to get healed, like ever

“Here! I can help you!!”

“Oo, so vats how it feels..”

Spy

Yeah he doesn’t think your good for the team

Sure it was interesting to meet someone who was born and raised in a completely different planet, however your inexperience with earth was enough for him to neglect you

Once you visited his smoke room to find abundance of books, you being new to earth were excited to see all the knowledge they carried

“Wow! Can I borrow this one? I’d like to learn more about earth and its continents!!”

“Go ahead, I never made use of that thing anyways”

It always catches him off guard how little knowledge you have about earth, especially since your were chosen to go on the mission to earth

Once you randomly found a globe somewhere in the break room and got so fascinated by it

“Earths colors are beautiful, I’d really like to go the that purple one!”

“Y/n, Russia is not purple. And you don’t want to visit there, it is full of trash people.”

“Oh..I see”

He doesn’t guide you to earth like the rest of the mercs, he wants to really straighten your back and push you to your limit

“Would a croissant go well with your meal good sir?”

“Excuse me?”

“You seem like you are from the Western Europeans my (p/f) brought back to mars!! Au revoir madam, please enjoy your tea”

Tbh that moment made his heart melt by just a little bit. Hey, he’s not a monster he can have heartfelt moments.. sometimes

Sniper

You are so fascinated by him, literally just him

For the most part it’s because of his job title ‘assassin’, you’ve never heard of such a job back home.

“Is it true you earn currency to kill specific people?”

“Why of course Sheila, who else would do it?”

“Well, on mars we kinda just let them live even if we don’t like them.. that’s a thing here right??”

You love going on roadtrips with him so he can show you around, just to see get a feel of that New Mexican dirt

You two have a relation where he misses his parents despite always arguing with them, and you miss your (p/f) because you two now live on completely different planets.

On those trips you tend to enjoy chilling in the back of his trailer. You can’t stand spending another second on an uncomfortable leather seat!! So you roam around a lot in what he basically considered his home.

“How was it back there? ‘eard sum ruckus out in the front.”

“Oh right! I am trying to get use to earths gravity so I tried cleaning up here a bit, I hope you don’t mind!!”

He almost cried, you reminded him of his ‘mum’

Whenever you’re curious about any animal you always go to him, we all know Australia a place with weird animals so

“Mr. Mundee, is this spider deadly?”

“I’m not sure, you should probably check in with doc tho. Your face lookin pretty swelled there mate..”

“Oh thank the stars! I was sure this was a lion..”

You passed out from the poison.

It’s good tho, sniper carried you to Medics room like the big brother he is 🧡

Demo-man

YOURE SO SCARED OF HIM

MORE THAN MEDIC

Not only is he obsessed with the drink that you’ve literally never heard of until you arrived in earth, but the way he acts makes it seem like crack

You have so many questions, they almost never get answered because he’s either too drunk or he’ll pass out with medic dragging him out the room

“Is it true that your stomach now declines any normal drinks?”

“Ayouhhh it’s just beerdelicois burp”

“..is he going to be alright?”

“Oh no worries my Martian friend, this happens all the time.. although I can never tell if he’ll live or not”

When on the battlefield he’s always screaming and creaming, sometimes it scares you so much to the point where you ask your fellow teammates to help you

“MR. CONAGHER, I THINK DEMO IS TRYING TO ATTACK ME!!”

“Darlin’, I thinks he’s just tryna get some healing..”

“But why is it yelling.. ☹️”

Now you’re scared of Scottish people, and convinced they probably eat their youth

Soldier

He def plays a father role like engineer, but way less charm and warmth to him

He’s like a dad at a soccer game, he’ll cheer you on but aggressively, to the point where it seems like he’s booing you

In the lobby he’d always do his soldier talk, and it never fails to make you do you best

“NOW, WILL YOU HAND THAT TEAMS ASS AND FEED IT TO HIM, OR AM I GOING TO HAVE TO DRAG YOURS BACK TO MARS TO YOUR MOMMA?”

“No sir!! I’ll feed it to them!”

“THATS RIGHT MAGGOT”

Soldier is always hard on you, sometimes he calls you a ‘space commie’ just for jokes, although his tone definitely sets you off

When you unleashed your orbital ray he started screaming about ‘the commies getting to us’, you had to reassure him several times that it was something you had full control of

Scout

This guy was ecstatic when he found out his new teammate was going to be from space, scout is really into comics (even tho he can’t read) so his imagination went wild when Ms Pauling announced that he’d be fighting alongside what he considered an alien

Once you arrived he was in awe, he thinks you’re the coolest person on the team solely because you’re from another planet.

But he did quickly recognize that you weren’t use to like, anything on earth.

He handed you a cold can of Bonk just for you to look at him confused

“What do I do with this?”

“You drink it?”

“..um I don’t think you’re supposed to drink ‘atomic punch’, that sounds like it hurts 0-0”

He had to teach you how to drink stuff that wasn’t in an aluminum bag, you didn’t take a liking to it but you got used to it

Scout offered you to sleep on the top bunk because he wanted to be nice and all, huge mistake.

The next morning you completely forgot you were on a different planet, so you rolled and fell 9 feet from the bed to the floor.

“Jesus y/n!! what the hell happened?”

“I think I.. fell? Falling feels weird..”

Gets so hype when you two are on the same team, he’s so ready to clock the enemy team with orbital ray

“Scout! My orbital ray is ready!! ^^”

“Whooo! Let’s go then E.T what are we waitin’ for??”

For the most part he’s the one who shows you everything you need to know about earth, baseball is his favorite thing to teach cuz obviously

When you joined him to watch a baseball match you were so excited yet so lost

“What happens if they win? Is this a war?”

“No? Toots it’s just a game”

“Hm, intresting.. then I must try this ‘game’ too!”

[grapejuicestyless]

i’m rlly sad summers gone but like I have a winter request for conrad so we good !!

fem reader (conklinnn ofc) and conrad used to date but then had a messy breakup so now everyone is in college and yn doesn’t have anywhere to go because everyone is off doing something for winter break so she takes stevens car and drives down to the summer house and conrad shows up a day later and she’s freaking out. They both stay there the whole week and romantic feelings and nostalgia builds up again 🤌🏻

you can add some of your own stuff too because your soooo creative and your work is golden!! thank you:)

Peace.

Conrad Fisher x fem!reader

Angst to fluff!

Summery: After a hard loss, both in a relationship and with the severing of the ties of her past, Y/n must learn to let go in order to gain what she so desperate wants back.

Snowfall is always overlooked. People see it as more of an inconvenience than as a gift. Each little white flake falling from the sky seems like nothing more than a mushy ball of frozen water made to block the roads and keep kids out of school, but the closer you look the more complex they are.

What was once so horrible becomes something beautiful, something unique. There is no other thing like it, each flake is different even by one branch in the pattern. It’s sad how many people are so quick to dismiss it and pout out their windows. White was never their favorite color and the cold was never their favorite temperature.

At this time of year, I usually considered myself lucky. I had a family who cherished each snowfall and a mother who would have hot-coco ready on the table for when our red cheeks and icy hair would become too much and we would finally come back inside to melt and warm up again. Each winter break my younger siblings, Steven and Belly would be attached at my hip. Having an older sister who only grew more and more, our time together always felt limited. So we spent each day in the living room. Playing the Wii with Steven and Barbies with Belly. I would read with my mom and cook with my dad. It was all so perfect. My favorite time of the year.

I used to joke with Conrad that college didn’t hold the same amount of excitement around the season because people were just as bitter and cold all year round. I called him cold hearted too because he thought it was funny. He laughed and kissed me then. I wonder if he would laugh now. Even if we no longer shared a stocking and cozied up by the fireplace impossibly close declaring our quiet loves for each other. I wonder if he still thinks fondly of the winter like I do now that it’s tainted with old memories of us.

Usually, during the winter I would drive down to Boston. It took some convincing for Laurel to allow her daughter to drive so far in such intense weather, but she knew where my heart belonged. It was the holidays and she was just as jolly as the rest of us, so she would always agree. There, I would bring gifts for all the Fishers. I didn’t have enough money to afford gifts and college, so everything was homemade. Every year I would apologize, but Susannah and Conrad always claimed to love it. Jeremiah wouldn’t say anything, but the smile on his face was always genuinely happy, so I think he liked them just as much.

Conrad would take my mitten clad hands after. Even covered in thick wool he managed to clasp his hands fully around mine, eager to get me alone. We’d slip away into his room, my cheeks red and eyelashes covered in snowflakes and his eyes wide and smile full. Behind closed doors, we could be as affectionate as we wanted without gags of jealousy disguised as disgust from Jeremiah or swooning from Susannah over how cozy we looked.

I remember how I believed my hips were made with dips so his hands could fit perfectly in them. How his arm rested on my waist so tight, I didn’t need a blanket because he kept me warm. No fireplace or layers of coats could light the flames in my heart and keep me warm in the coldest winters like Conrad could.

He said summer was his favorite season when he met me, but now he favored winter because it reminded him of me. I asked what would happen if something were to happen to us, just to tease him then. He got serious, I still remember the look on his face when he told me I would always be his favorite thing. How winter would forever remind him of me and no matter what, nothing could change that fact.

It was our own little secret oasis. A utopia of our own confined within the four walls of his childhood bedroom. When it snowed, we’d play in the snow like children and when it stormed we’d make forts to watch our favorite winter movies. It was a dream I never wanted to end, I was foolish to think it wouldn’t.

By spring, it felt like he was tired of me, of who I was. No amount of effort could keep Conrad beside me. I became someone he wasted his time on rather than someone he begged to be around. My skin was like fire to his touch, his eyes avoidant. It all came to a head when I broke down in late May.

“Why, why am I not enough?” I begged him then, I wanted to know what my problem was. Why I couldn’t be more than what I was now. Why we couldn’t go back.

He shrugged his shoulders, looking past my left shoulder. He looked distant. He knew it just as well as I did, we were walking on eggshells.

“Because you’re just not.” His words were bitter, knives stabbing me through the heart and ripping out. There was no reason, he didn’t even try to make the gashes in my heart better.

“Bullshit. I do everything for you! I give you everything!” It came out more as a question than a statement. I wasn’t as sure about what I once believed so firmly now that Conrad was showing how he felt.

“I guess it wasn’t enough then.” His eyes were watering. We were already talking in the past tense, we were over. He didn’t have to say it, neither did I. It was as clear as the freckles on his face, there was no amount of mending that could pull us back together.

In my mind I could only remember those final words we spoke to each other. The first hour of our long argument was washed from my mind for my own sake. What should’ve been tattooed permanently in my brain was gone the second we were over. Maybe if I could remember it fully, each insult and every word he used to put me down and make me feel small, I would’ve been able to feel justified in my anger. I could talk shit with my friends, shit on him to my mother. But even in my heartache, I couldn’t find reasons to be mad at him.

Conrad always went through so much on his own. It would be selfish of me to believe that he was completely okay when things ended. It was messy and sudden the way it happened. He was the biggest dick to me, but I couldn’t blame him for what he did. Not then, not now. Part of me still loved him. Part of me would still die for him in secret. He was my first love, all I knew when it came to my feelings. I let him rule my heart, my decisions. I didn’t show up to Cousins that summer.

Now that it was over, no ties binding us together, no overbearing reason to drive down to Boston for the weeks leading up to the holidays where we’d all finally be together again, I have no where to go. Steven was old enough to be on his own now, a freshman at Princeton. One of his rich friends had dropped by within the first twenty four hours to drag him off to his families vacation home. I hadn’t even set up the Wii yet. Belly, my littlest sibling who I adored more than anyone else I knew was more distant than Steven. The stress of deciding between Finch and Jeremiah or some state school with the guarantee of being on volleyball was eating her alive. Back then, I would’ve told her not to lose sight of her dreams and life because of some boy, but here I was doing the same thing. I stayed quiet and let her decide what she wanted.

My mom was gone just like Steven. Away to talk about her book with other critically acclaimed writers and producers. My dad was out of the picture. He wouldn’t be back until Christmas morning. He was never really present after the divorce, but he’s a good man and he tries his best. He just works a lot. It hurts to not be able to enjoy the holidays like I used to, but I can respect why everyone’s away.

Somehow, I end up in Stevens drivers seat. I’ve never had a car of my own. While Steven spent weeks searching the internet for a cheep car, I spent my time studying for finals and applying to colleges. I never had the time. He gave me his keys before he left. He said I could take his car anywhere I wanted as long as I didn’t ruin it. Each dent in it, I would owe him ten bucks. It wasn’t much, but to a struggling college student, ten dollars in my bank account might as well have been him asking for hundreds.

“Belly, I’m heading out. Call me if you need me, okay? I might not be back for awhile.” The words I chose were ominous. I didn’t tell her where I was going, why I was going or how long I’d be exactly, but she didn’t care enough to ask. So I climbed into Stevens car and let my playlist shuffle. I imagine myself in the situations my favorite artists write about and sing along like I can relate to their upper class parties and juvenile activities. It keeps my mind off of where I’m going.

It’s not like I got in the car set on heading to the one place that once swore to never step foot near again, but when I recognize the signs on the highway pointing me in the same direction, I’m suddenly set on it.

The sting of the breakup lingered like a tattooed kiss, a reminder of something so special that was now gone. I wouldn’t let him ruin the place that was once so special to our families.

Pulling up to that driveway, I remember how the weeds would grow over the gravel by July and how Steven and Jeremiah would stay out for hours plucking at them to make Susannah happy. How the grass held the imprints of our small bodies rolling around the hills and daffodils. The sand was forever glued into the fabric of our favorite t-shirts and the salt air is what we smelled of until December washed it away.

We were always so close here. Despite the rifts and the problems that happened between us. Not blow out fight or silent treatment could ever separate the Conklin’s and the Fishers from each other for long.

I looked back on how I felt at home. How together was something that I never even questioned. Steven would be by the fireplace yelling at the television and Belly would be begging him to quiet down. Laurel would be curled up in the corner scribbling things into a notepad and dad would try to sneakily move the elf on the shelf.

We were older now. The wii wasn’t all that special and Belly longed for the chaos she once hated. Steven preferred his friends and mom and dad fell out of love so mom could learn to love her work more.

I pulled into the large house through the garage. I knew the code by heart, it was my phone passcode. I figured that if I wanted to stay attached to homeliness so badly I could be where I learned what love was the best.

In my head, even now I always believed that no matter how long it would go untouched, the summer home would always be bright and warm. Smelling of Susannah’s candles and Belly’s sticky iced teas.

Stepping through the front door, it was dark and cold. My breath was less visible than in the outside, but the light and heat didn’t bounce from wall to wall like it always did.

It took me a few minutes to find the correct switch to turn up the heat. I cranked it until my socks burned on my feet and a sweat covered the top of my forehead. It was comfortable, I could sink into my own chunky sweater.

It was my mothers, the blue and white striped sweater I wore. She was gifted it by Susannah in their late college years but it never quiet fit her because she was so short. It fit big, but it didn’t sag at my knees or gather at my wrists as much. It smelled like my mom and reminded me of Pennsylvania skies.

The warmth from the heat and the comfort from my clothes set me in a slump, my eyes drooped. I hadn’t even turned on any lights yet, hadn’t gone up to my room to make the bed. I was sat in place on the permanently indented couch. Though my body curled into the spot where I always laid during movie nights, my head fell where Conrad’s lap would’ve been. To imagine we were all just as happy, as close made me feel fuzzy. If I tried hard enough I could even hear his voice. Calling for me, like a dream.

The sun peaked through the windows and the dust that collected on the once neatly kept glass projected tiny shadows and spots across the hardwood floor. The couch was warm with my body heat and other than the faint whisper of the wind, it was peaceful.

A melodic whistle blowed through the open gap between the living room and the kitchen. It was smooth yet broke when the song grew too high for the deeper voice that carried the tune.

Rubbing at my eyes, my feet swung out from under my thighs, I wiped away any drool or signs of slumber. Still, clearing my complexion did not rid my body of the tired achey feeling and the small blurring of my vision. My brain was following behind my body, every caution sign to who was here at this time thrown to the wind.

Mugs clanked together clumsily, my nose burned with the strong scent of coffee beans. It was chillier in the morning here than how I had left it at night, I could feel the tip of my nose turning red and growing colder.

A taller boy stood hunched over the countertops, a spoon clinking around softly as he stirred around something in the mug. His shirt hung loose on his body but his pants fit just right.

His hair was wavy, but only just at the ends. Under the strong smells of early morning caffeine, I could faintly still pick up the scent of sea salt and a spice I couldn’t name. It was vanilla like but also had a lingering smell of oak and woods. It was my favorite smell.

“Conrad..?” It clicked in my brain that the handsome boy hanging around the summer home wasn’t some pick me up sent from heaven. The reason behind my instant admiration for such a simple, domestic task was because of how well I knew and once loved the boy. The name fell from my lips quietly, like I couldn’t believe it was true.

Spinning around, I met his blue eyes. I watched his lips twitch, fighting against some kind of emotion from spreading across his face and the light in his eyes falter. He looked blank, unaware of how his lack of enthusiasm of our reuniting was crushing me inside.

“Figured you’d want coffee.” He was right. He still knew me like the back of his own hand and that was the worst part. I hadn’t changed, I never would. He would always know me and it hurt to know I trusted him like that at one point just for him to leave. He even made it in my favorite mug.

A light blue ceramic mug that still had Belly and Conrad’s fingerprints in the clay and visible brush strokes across the top. They made it for me when we were still little. It was my favorite gift from her because they made it as an apology. For breaking my old vase I made for my mom in art class. They meant to harm and felt horrible, I cherished their kindness more than anything.

“No…no. I’m all set.” Crossing my arms and clearing my throat, I set my eyes on the ground and leaned against the doorframe on the wall. We didn’t speak after that, he didn’t move. Sucking in his lips, I heard him sigh almost disappointedly.

“So…” He tried to start, I was too scared to listen. Not of him, god I could never be scared of him. But of what he could want to say.

My eyes flicked over the dents in the floor, I discovered marks I hadn’t seen before. Just when I thought I had everything memorized. When I thought I knew everything, when I thought I knew him.

“You know, uhm…I think I’m going to settle in.” Nodding at him quickly, I all but ran to the stairs. My hands gripped at the banister so quickly, I felt skin pull skin. It tore just under my fingers beginning, the top of my palm. I swore I heard him call after me, but maybe it was the ringing in my ears.

I came here to get away. In search of some solace, I grasped at the tattered strands of my childhood to find that I had held on too long. In my own journey, by some sort of fate, I dragged along a deeper part of those memories with me.

I spent that morning stowed away in my bedroom. I left the door ajar. The air was chilly still, and the air dusty. The heat had rarely been used. Only on the rare occasions in which Susannah would find reason to escape down to the beautiful town of Cousins. Simply to watch the early snowfalls or sparkling lights decorating the center of the town. Usually when I would get settled into my own room in the summer home, each knickknack would be thrown carelessly over the bureau top and shoved in the forever empty bedside table drawers. I would procrastinate making my bed last. I hated the damned fitted sheets and the wrinkles I couldn’t flatten for days. I hated the way that the corners never stayed. My body stretched as far as it would go, yet I could never quiet hook the fabric far enough to keep it settled.

Today was no different. My blood boiled the same, but it mixed with an unfamiliar warmth. How endearing it was to be able to relive such a memorable moment of my summers again even after tragedy struck the once uniting household.

“Fuck.” The sheets flipped up. The full sized mattress was far too wide to allow my arms to stretch across the full width of its body and hook the corners over far enough to where they wouldn’t slip. Each move resulted in a different kind of release with the bedsheets. Each time I ended up wrapped up in the thin cotton sheets.

The clock ticking on my bedside table taunts me. Reminds me of how long I’ve been tangled around in my bed. If it weren’t so humiliating, I would’ve asked for help. But I created a mess. My feelings, one’s that Conrad had so clearly buried as he was able to be kind and cordial towards me while I panicked like a fish out of water. So I hop around from corner to corner desperate to finish my task.

“Y/n?” The name burns the way it rolls off of his tongue. Like even with me gone, he had practiced pronouncing it in the mirror, whispered it to himself each night. It was like we’d seen each other the day before, the way it came out. Breathless and light.

The moon hung over the house, illuminating thin strips of shine through the windows that led from the floor to the very bed I was sprawled across.

Sighing heavily, I threw my head back. Hair fell in front of my face, tickling the bridge of my nose. I saw Conrad hesitate. His hand flinched out from where it was tucked behind the doorframe. He set it on the white wood frame.

“Can I help?” It was innocent enough. Maybe he was sick of the sound of my knees rubbing against the mattress. Or the way I grunted every few minutes. I stumbled around my room all day fixing it up, I almost forgot how loud it could’ve been.

It felt sour to accept it. Even if it were as innocent and kind as it seemed. Conrad had a glimmer of hope in his eye and his lips upturned. He looked so handsome still, nose pinker from the slight chill and eyes still just as deep blue.

“No thank you.” I huffed. I tried to sound annoyed, something that was hard to do when you weren’t really all that annoyed at all. Resistant was the only similar thing I could place a name to. I saw the wag Conrad’s smile faltered, his eyes looming with a dark shadow, masking the vibrant sparkle.

“Come on, don’t be so stubborn, please? You’ve been at it for hours, just let me help.” Stubborn. Just like my mother and his. Each of us were always set to do things on our own. But this was far more than just genetics at this point. This was my own grudge I was holding. This was my pride and my responsibility over my emotions acting. No matter how nice the gesture, I still refused, gnashing my teeth.

“Oh, so suddenly you care?” It was a lot more mean than I meant it. I know how much Conrad cares. How much he always has. He doesn’t have the best way to show for it, but in the end you always know it. It was a mistake, an instant regret. I watched how his face contorted. He wasn’t just disappointed now, but genuinely hurt by my own dig at his insecurities.

His whole life, Conrad always feared he wasn’t enough. He couldn’t give enough, couldn’t be enough. He always talked himself down, creating a false standard in which everyone else was above him, out of his league. He was insecure. He didn’t need reassurance, he knew what kind of love was real and what was fake, but the fact that maybe I had thought the same crushed him. I could tell.

His silence hung over us so heavy, a knife could slice it. His jaw stuttered and his eyes blinked slow. A loss for words. I wish he could just yell at me. Fuel my fire, make me feel less bad about what I said. Less guilty about the fact I couldn’t get over us when he could. Conrad didn’t deserve my emotional daggers directed at his heart simply because we split. I know Conrad, I always have. His method of leaving was cruel, but the boys heart was in the right place always.

“Fuck!” The sheet snapped back. I had enough. In all seriousness, I should’ve stopped to talk to the boy who was so clearly hurt by the door. A girl, a guest in a house that once felt just as much as hers as his was there in a now occupied room throwing insults unprovoked when he was trying to be nice.

Standing, I stumbled past him clumsily again, taking a spare blanket that hung off the end of the bed with me. I couldn’t take it. His stares, the silence, the sheet, my own guilt, my thoughts. I needed to be out of that sickened room.

“Y/n…” Again, the call was faint. A whisper in my head whose only goal was to make me stop. I didn’t turn. It was unfair, the whole thing. To me, to Conrad. I decided to sleep on the couch.

My back ached. The plush cushioning under my back too soft, too worn in. A good remedy, a great place for a quick nap. But it hurt after more than a few hours. The fabric rubbed harshly, the pillows sunk in. My hips popped when I stood.

The sun was shining through the windows, air crisp. Heat finally reached all corners of the large house and the cob webs were finally swept away. The magic of summer wasn’t there, but it felt homely. A good alternative to the sad loneliness of my own bedroom at home.

The house was still, the kitchen untouched and an empty mug in the sink. It was stained in a ring from where the old drink had been and had little brown streaks from where the coffee dripped off of the sides. The counter tops were cold, despite the heat inside. The floor was quiet, there was no shuffling. It led me to believe that the only other occupant was still asleep.

Heading up the stairs, I picked at my old clothes. The discomfort came from multiple things. The way my clothes stuck to my body, my teeth didn’t feel right in my mouth. My hair was knotted. I looked fine, but nothing felt right. The only way to describe it was that when waking up after a rough couple of nights, it felt like my skin didn’t fit right over my bones.

My door was wide open. The hinges bent all the way back, the light bled through the curtains. My already slow steps came to a halt when the threshold fell behind my legs. My bed was decorated with the same blue floral design it always had during the summers.

The pillows were placed where I always had them, and my blankets were hung so neat on the bottom of my bed. My fingers ran over the soft fabric like it wasn’t really mine. Like I was admiring a sample from a store, wishing it were mine. It was always so pretty.

My thumb hooked over the folded edge very carefully. I didn’t want to mess with the perfectly made bed. More importantly, I didn’t want to crease the remaining hand prints that laid in the center of the bed.

The plushy duvet left residue from bigger hands. Spread along the bends, from the center down. Proof that someone had truly tried their best to perfect it.

Looking under the top, not only had each layer been placed, but the fitted sheet. I could see it now with all its layers peeled back. The thought that even after my initial attempts to push away, to be mean, to hurt him, that Conrad had still wanted to help me made me feel warm. I wasn’t sure why my heart was fluttering for a boy I swore I hated. But my cheeks were red and my knees felt weak. I always did love his acts of service.

I didn’t plan on showering, but my skin was sticky with sleep and my heart was pounding too fast. I hated the fact that Conrad was too good for everyone in his own special ways. I hated the way he still cared and the way he remained so observant even in our absence. Most of all, I hate the way I reach for his shampoo in the shower. Longing for the scent of him to linger on me for just a little longer. How funny it is that we’ve changed so quickly and yet not at all. We used to share our hair products. He kept a hair tie for me in his bedside table. I had a drawer of clothes in his room, he had some in my closet. He went from my everything to just something in my life. Yet, with all this change I still reach for the familiarities of what we once had. My hand still searches the shower for his conditioner. My feet still take me to his door to find a shirt I like. What we had is gone, crushed under the weight of our separation, but my muscle memory pulls me back. The heart is a muscle, one that forever beats for Conrad Fisher.

I sit in the corner for longer than I lather the soap across my skin. My body is curled up against the cold tiles. I feel pathetic doing so. How small I’ve made myself. Not only mentally, but physically. I feel weak at how little self control I have. I think back on the past year of my life and I regret each decision I’ve made leading me here suddenly.

Was I not enough for Conrad? I know it’s not his reasoning behind his leaving, but I feel like the theory becomes more and more plausible the longer I think back on how lonely I’ve been. So stuck on my own problems, I forget how little I see my family. How Belly has grown without me. Her friends, her lovers. She is independent, she knows her path. Steven has matured. He understands feelings, he’s valedictorian. His brains lead him through life, he no longer comes to me at midnight to ask for help with math. I no longer review his essays or read his made up stories in the living room. We are two different siblings who once spent every moment together. My mother is nose deep in her own promotion with her books. She is succeeding while my father is going on dates and moving on. I am stuck in the same spot, forever thinking of the past, I can not move on.

I am scared by the knowledge that my family is no longer dependent on me. A scab is forming over the wound of the fact that Conrad has left, I am not needed. I hope the warm water fading into a cooler drizzle will hide the way my eyes are puffy and red. The streaks of water on cheeks will become streams of the shower. I am strong and resistant like my parents, but I am scared to admit that I have real fears. Ones that control my life. I will never tell them how I breakdown, how my heart is breaking and I am falling off the pedestal.

It’s more lively now then it was just an hour ago. The birds are gone, on vacation away in the warmer weather while the cold covers New England in a chilling blanket. I hear the mugs clattering from the hallways and the soft humming passing through his pink lips. He hears me before he sees me.

“Coffee?” He motioned to the brown liquid, steaming while it poured into the glass pitcher. Rubbing beneath my eyes, I could feel the weight of my eye bags heavy on my skin. My throat was coarse, hands aching from how hard I had grasped onto the shower walls. I hid behind the island counter on the stool. My body curled up into the baggy clothes covering my body, my knees hugging into my chest as close as possible.

“Yes, please.” I mumbled softly, trying not to show any weaknesses. Conrad knew me better than that. The way my lip twitched into a fake smile, how my eyes were more avoidant that usual. Even in my heavy feelings, my eyes were always drawn to him. I was closing myself off.

A beat passed. Conrad’s attempt at conversation had fallen short, right by my feet.

“How’d you sleep?” He turned to me, freshly brewed coffee sloshing around in the same mug as yesterday. He placed it in front of me, but he turned away again to pour his own cup. It wasn’t to further distance himself, creating a divide all while I was shutting down, but to give me room to breathe in a space I was so clearly suffocating in.

“It was okay.” I sighed, hand holding my head, my eyes closed. I imagined myself laid with my back pressed against plush pillows and my childhood bedroom fairy lights hanging over my head. It was still winter, but the atmosphere in my daydream felt of summer.

“I’m glad, then. That it wasn’t so bad, I mean.” He corrected himself, afraid of a wrath inside of me that didn’t exist to him anymore. It never really had, my emotions had only been misplaced yesterday.

Often I’ve been told that my words shoot to kill when I’m mad. I insult and belittle myself more than others, but my mother has no problem with bringing up the few times I targeted my feelings at Steven or Belly. How little I made them feel, how guilty I felt. I threw up once, after yelling at Steven. He hadn’t cared for it, fighting was what siblings did. But remembering how I tried to hurt him made me sick. I felt the same after insulting Conrad.

Nodding my head, I pursed my lips into a thin line. My eyes blinked away any dryness, I inhaled a deep breath.

“Hey, uhm…thank you, by the way.” I pulled the sleeves of my sweater over my hands, hovering over the cup of coffee to revel in the hot steam hitting my face.

Conrad turned around, leaning against the counter. His hands pressed up behind him, firm but his face was soft, glad.

“I shouldn’t have…you didn’t deserve that.” My eyes flickered between the floor and the folding of my sleeves over my thumbs. My skin was cold, my hair wet on the back of my neck. I had a lump in my throat.

“Y/n?” His voice was gentle, closer than before. I saw his elbows press against the counter top, just mere inches away. I felt even more awkward, littler than before somehow.

I hummed. But the coarseness in my throat made it come out as more of a rumble. I choked on the growing lump, my nose burned.

“We don’t have to avoid each other.” He said it like that was so easy. Like everything was resolved by him simply stating that he didn’t want to face the consequences of our actions.

“I know.” I brought the edge of the mug to my lips and blew. Steam clouded my vision, the wet heat felt nice on my cheeks.

“Y/n.” He said more firmly.

He wasn’t angry, but he wanted my attention. My eyes flickered up to his. They were darker now. Swarmed with so many emotions, it was hard to grasp onto what he was feeling. I set the mug down.

“Please don’t avoid me.” He begged more softly, his hand hesitated to reach out to me. Once they clasped around mine, it was almost relieving. Having something familiar to ground me while I was only working myself up. “I miss you, I miss us. We were best friends and we haven’t even spoken in…I don’t even know how long. This, this is stupid. To be running in circles like this?”

“That’s easy for you to say.” This time, my words weren’t angry. They broke apart when I spoke. The sentence was raw, the lump in my throat broke through my clenched teeth and my nose heated up in an intense burn. My eyes were heavy, working hard to keep any tears at bay. Again, here I find myself in a different spot, practicing the same habits. I stand in front of Conrad angry, ready to hurt his ego and pierce a hole through his heart just to ease my own mind.

I wanted exactly what he did, to be as close. I missed him more than anything in my life ever, but it wasn’t so simple. He pleaded my name again, I pulled my hands out of his. His fingers were like a barbed wire. It suddenly stung to have him touching me.

“I just wish you would’ve acknowledged it, you know? I mean look at me, look at us. You’re fine, you’re happy. I can’t even look at you without wanting to cry.” When our hearts broke, they broke uneven. Conrad was left with a bruise why I was facing the pain of a bleeding scar across my own. He had been the one to cause the rift, he had been the one to bring up everyone’s insecurities, use them against our relationship.

“Y/n.” He whispered, reaching out to me again. I stood from the stool, keeping my distance. My tears were hot, they burned into my skin.

“You couldn’t even stand me, Conrad! And I couldn’t see it before, but I can now. You couldn’t even text me, no. No, but that’s not the worst part. Maybe it’s the fact that you couldn’t even show up to Stevens graduation because I was there.” He sighed, ready to defend himself. I look back on all the disappointed faces, I remember the way Steven frowned at that empty seat beside me and I feel angry.

“Do you know how hard it is to tell your baby brother that his hero couldn’t make it to his graduation because he can’t even stand to be around me? Do you know how sad he was when he started to walk up to the podium and saw your seat was empty? I recorded it and sent it to you, did you know that? I wasn’t going to, I didn’t think you deserved to have a part in one of the most important parts in Stevens life, but he begged me to. Tried to make me send it twice so you’d get it.” I took a deep breath, wiping away the tears by my eyes, more spilled. My face was wet with salt water and red with anger.

“So why don’t we go back to how things were before after you’ve fucked it all up!”

“It’s really fucking unfair of you to act like this hasn’t affected me at all either!” He finally shot back. He was never one to yell. Conrad always had some sort of control over his composure. He never yelled, he hated yelling.

“How, how can you say that after you’ve done nothing to fix anything!” Walking closer to him, I saw how he turned away to grip the counter between his fingers.

“People deal with shit differently, Y/n. Grow up!” He yelled. His eyes were wild, it should’ve scared me. But god, him telling me to grow up after all he put me through only made me angrier. I was fragile already. But not as a flower, but a bomb.

“Fuck you, Conrad.” My voice was shaky, but firm. I didn’t yell, my lack of volume was almost scarier than my inevitable rage. He looked up at me, it was like watching him realize how his words had betrayed him. He hadn’t meant for us to fight, to talk like this. He wanted to fix things. He wanted me back.

“Y/n.” He shook his head, walking closer to me, he bent away from the edges of the island to reach me quicker. His voice was laced with pity

“Stop saying my name!” I backed away, feet catching on the threshold, I slowed myself down. Each time he said it, it pulled on my heartstrings. How could he be so selfish to not even be able to see all the pain I’ve been put through!

“I’ve missed you ever since I left you! You think I don’t regret the way I treated you? I’m not naïve to my own stupidity, I know my mistakes, I’ve owned them. You were my everything, god you might as well have hung the stars!” He waved his hands around to animate what he was saying. It only stresses me out more.

“Then why? Why did you throw it all away!” My body began to crumble beneath me, my knees wobbled.

“Because I was scared! I was scared of losing you. I thought if I let myself become too obsessed, that if you decided to leave me I would never be able to get back up. I had to do it!” He confessed. It all made sense then. All my unanswered questions, all my insecurities of not being enough. Conrad hadn’t left because I couldn’t give him what he wanted. He left because he was scared of what would happen when I was gone. That he wasn’t enough.

“I wouldn’t have left you, Conrad. I wouldn’t have.” My palms hit my eyes, my knees started to give. A sob ripped through my throat. It hurt to breathe.

His arms were like a blanket. His hands still fit perfectly around my back. When he held me, it was tight. I knew it then that he wouldn’t be letting me go, not now. His shirt was wet with my tears, mine was wet with my hair. I felt stupid, naïve to think of Conrad in such bad ways when he had only been doing what he thought was best to protect his heart after loss after loss.

“I’m sorry, I’m sorry.” I repeated it like a prayer, I didn’t mean to be so mean. I didn’t want to be rude to him, I wanted him to be close to me always. His heart was beating out of his chest when he nodded. He knew I never meant to fight him. We were both entitled to our feelings, there was no reason in trying to apologize for how we reacted.

His hand lifted to my head, brushing through my hair. He gathered a chunk in his palm, his knuckles gripping at it. It didn’t hurt, he didn’t intend for it to. He was breathing me in, holding onto me in every which way possible.

“It’s going to be okay, we’re going to be okay.” My sobs were muffling themselves, quieting down into soft whimpers. It took a lot to even nod my head against his shirt. It smelled like him, and it was homely. I felt safer now than in our argument. Our words held no value anymore, I just hoped that what he said was true.

Holding her like that almost made things feel normal again. Having her hair in between my fingers and her waist pressed against mine. I wanted to revel in it, selfishly. But her sniffles and uneven breath only made me remember why I even got the privilege to hold her again.

Again and again, I watched her breakdown over a mistake I made. To protect myself. I swore it to her last winter, promised her that it would always be my favorite season because she was my favorite thing. I built up this trust and a love between us. It was when she left that I freaked out over what my mom said.

“I’ve never seen you so happy.” She had said, poncho bc my cheek between her fingers. Playfully, I pulled my face away.

“Yea?” I mused, wrapping an arm around her shoulders and watched the steady snowfall on the final night of winter through the window.

“The love bug’s got you.” She was right. I was so undeniably in love with Y/n. I would change everything in my life just to be with her always.

“What?” My eyes squinted from the way my eyebrows furrowed. She was still looking out into the snow.

“It’s okay to be in love, Connie.” She quickly turned to me and smoothed out my shirt. She sensed my confusion and stress. I knew I was in love with her, but the fact that it was that obvious, that clear made me worry.

“Everyone has their first love at some point.” With that she left. At some point. The words rung through my head. I knew that the first love was always the strongest, but this was not my first love. I had fallen for an ex-girlfriend in freshman year. She broke my heart. Why was the thought of Y/n leaving shattering mine completely?

The more I thought of us together then, the more I worried about her leaving. She was perfect for me, maybe. But could I even measure up to her perfection? Could I give her everything?

I was able to push that feeling away for a few weeks. But as winter turned to spring and the leave began to regrow, I couldn’t shake it. Distance was a thing I was only growing between us. Space, something I created so there was no way we could get hurt. I thought it was the right thing, then. I thought it was the right move for me to let her leave so easily. To watch her fight for me one last time and not react. I was giving her the chance for someone more, someone better. I didn’t know I was only breaking her heart in ways I worried I would break my own.

It was a guilt I lived with all these months. When she didn’t come up to cousins because she wasn’t feeling good, I knew why. I had avoided her like the plague after our last conversation, our first real fight. I couldn’t even show up for her family in one of their most important milestones. Now it seemed like we only fight now, or at least in these past couple hours.

My neck was stiff from how it leaned against the back of the couch. I hadn’t watched past the hour mark of the black and white movie Conrad had put on. I didn’t have the heart to tell him I no longer liked it.

The movie was all I watched when I was at my absolute worst. Not to say I wasn’t still there, I felt rock bottom beneath my feet, but I felt myself getting better slowly. I no longer spent each day rewatching the same film over and over to ease the pain and remind myself of a happier time. I hated the way they talked. I once found it romantic, but the old cracking in the sound and the fancy accents made me angry. None of it was real.

To Conrad, he only did what he thought I would like. He had no way of knowing of my new distaste to the movie. One I used to rave about for hours. Then again, he never asked.

Yawning, I felt a set of eyes on mine.

“Tired?” He asked, a small smile on his face. I waved him off.

“Nope.” I popped the ‘p.’ It was an easy lie, my dark circles and slouchy posture gave it away. There was no way to sell it. I was surprised when he didn’t push me on it. My eyes drooped, my cheek pressed to my lonely shoulder. I had no one to lean on. I curled into myself a little, all while silently telling myself I was awake.

A pillow hit my lip, I bit down a little but it didn’t hurt me. My eyes were wide open now, hair messed up around the top. My fly aways were all over the place, my eyes squinting.

“Hey!” Grabbing the corners of the pillow, I swung as hard as I could towards Conrad, the culprit. It his his chest, he groaned out in a heavy breath. The pillow was soft, I was sure it didn’t hurt. But he entertained the idea that it did by rubbing circles in his chest, wincing and hissing through his teeth. I rolled my eyes.

“Seriously?” I leaned back against the cushions again, placing the pillow comfortably over my lap. I heard him laugh. A real, genuine laugh. It felt like weight was lifted off of my back.

“What! That was one of my best performances.” He punched my shoulder. I shot him playful glares. He pushed at me again, begging for a reaction. I folded already, giving into his games and retaliating against his childish attacks. But I would not crumble so easily. I would not let him tease me and play me until I opened up again just hours after yet another fight. I worried that another would ensue.

Sitting up, I tossed the pillow back at him. The sound he made confirmed it had hit him in the face.

“Come on, where are you going?” I could hear the smile in his voice. It made me smile too, knowing he was happy.

“To bed, I am tired.” I didn’t look back, but I felt him watching.

I swore I heard words die on his tongue. A soft stutter to a dead silence. Like he wanted to protest but stopped himself somehow. He never saw me look back, but when I was turning to the stairs, I allowed myself a glimpse.

His eyes were spacey, lip pulled between his front teeth. His eyebrows furrowed. He was deep in thought, but I could see the disappointment in his face. He didn’t seem as full of life, as cheerful. We were rebuilding a childhood, best friend bond that was lost with in cracking of our foundations in the spring.

“Goodnight, Conrad.” I still hadn’t had the ability to carry a joke with him. To keep a conversation flowing without my emotions dying inside of me before I could get them out. I whispered my goodnight. I wanted him to know I still held a place in my heart for him, but part of me wanted to reserve that knowledge to only myself.

I was scared to be more than what was being proposed. The door was open, we were almost friends. It was an odd spot. We’d act like friends, joke like them, but we both knew what we had done, what had just happened. I would walk through the entrance if Conrad would allow it. If we could at least be close, even if his lips weren’t mine, even if his body wasn’t there for me to lean on anymore. I would live happily, I’d be able to put on a brave face and call myself his friend. I would stand by the alter, watching him find another love, burying the hatchet of our love for good and I would be okay, I decided. As long as I still had him. As long as I never had to feel as alone as I did this morning.

“They’re saying borderline blizzard conditions, Con. You don’t think we’ll need to go on a supply run, do you?” His back was turned to me, hands working over the pot of coffee skillfully. His thumb brushed against the glass, he hissed quietly and shook his hand off.

“I think you’re just overthinking it.” He payed my worry not attention. He knew this house better than I did. It would hold, that wasn’t the worry. We had no shovels, nothing to dig us out of snow were to block us in. I scoffed and rolled my eyes, crossing my arms over my chest. I made my way around the island, pushing myself off of the counter and into one of the stools perched under it.

“Coffee?” Conrad asked, ignoring my questions again. I gave into him, playing his game and being stubborn.

“What kind?” My fingers drew circles on the cold marble.

“Black.” He set the cup down in front of me, letting it come to a halt right in front of me. My eyes flickered to the coffee, a smirk fighting it’s way onto my cheeks.

“Like your soul?” Like your heart, is what I wanted to say. Something that used to come so easy, meaningless insults directed at him not to make him sad, but to make him smile. I still hadn’t answered by question, though. If I were to direct a remark at his heart, would it weigh too much under the cracking foundation of our recovering friendship? I still wondered if he would laugh at that and go along with it.

Conrad laughed, looking out the window and admiring the sky. He didn’t respond, but he never really had when I’d make those jokes. Usually he would laugh or tell me it was a good one. He sighed lightly.

“I walked right into that one.” He smiled down at his coffee now, holding the mug loose with the handle dangling between his fingers.

When silence took over the room, it wasn’t uncomfortable. We welcomed it. We were alone with our thoughts and for once, they weren’t twisted and heavy. Only happy memories and thoughts of old habits.

In my mind, I dreamed of times where I knew what to say after making a joke. What I could do to counter a snarky remark and his laughter. I always knew what to say to him, when and why. I knew what made him tick. I still knew how to set him off, I believe that once you have the ability to get under someone’s skin, you never truly lose it. Either you continue to poke at the wounds that hurt them so, or your presence is able to remind them of it. Yet, with all the loss in my every heartbeat, somewhere along the way I forgot how to keep him happy.

Conrad’s footsteps snapped me out of my clouded haze. My eyes snapped up from the counter to his face. He didn’t look at me, but stayed focused on his coffee.

“Glad to know you still got it.” His eyes flicked to me, I swear I saw him wink. It was so quick, my words died in a pathetic stutter. I smiled stupidly at him, I couldn’t even pretend to be snarky. It caught me off guard, somehow. My walls were torn down now, the barrier of anger and sadness I kept up around him to keep us apart gone with our last fight and heart to hearts. The devils in the details, but somehow it didn’t feel as deep, as life changing anymore.

It was like he knew I couldn’t think of something to promise to him. To keep us going. He surely hadn’t lost it.

I tried to rationalize everything recently. But it felt like it took over my life. I’d almost forgotten about Belly and Steven. How they’d been so quick to shut me out simply because someone had offered me a place to be wanted for a moment. Conrad always knew when to swoop in to save me. I could help but talk myself down every so often and convince myself that Conrad is not made of Angel dust. He simply is a man, and a smart one at that. All of this could be just to butter me up, I know it’s always an outcome. A way to win me back, but never want me the same. It poisons me to think about him that way, I know him. He would never play me to become the good guy.

My mind has no middle line. Constantly wavering between my lover, the man I see as the sky and the seas. I see him as a perfect lipstick stain to a white collar, uggs in the fall, hot chocolate in the winter. He is all things I love and yet I still fight. The other part of me fights my heart to keep my distance. How just hours ago I told myself the hate I had for Conrad was always going to be just that, irreversible hurt that he caused. It’s the sweetest torture I could bare in the fact that really, by the end of it my mind is set on just getting to be with him again. No matter what his games are.

It’s pathetic, but my heart strings pull a little whenever I hear his footsteps upstairs. When I can tell if he’s coming to see me or not. I like knowing he likes to be around me once more. It almost covers up the fact that he hurt me so bad. I’m not idiot, however. I wish I were in some cases, but I’m not blinded completely by my love. With every advance, I find a way to make it platonic. He’s my friend.

He said he missed me, our friendship bond. I know that he is a man of his word. I should not work myself up, I shouldn’t expect so much. I shouldn’t jump into his arms because he says go. I think rationally, I use my head. I let my heart race and my cheeks flush but ultimately my brain will stop me from messing about again. So part of me finds it sad when the power goes out later that day. For both the house and myself. It’s childish how quickly I jump in search of Conrad. I have to remind myself not to hold onto him, not to yell I told you so.

I call for his name quietly through the halls, feeling the chipping paint under my finger tips. It’s still fresh, but bumpy. A previous project of Susannah’s from when her paint brushes never seemed to dry out. It’s hard to tell if she never finished her projects that summer. Or even if she never finished any.

In the dark, it’s almost more clear to see where her brush strokes end. Where the moonlight illuminates the white and blues, you can see the divides between old and new. God, if she were any less attentive it would surely be the end of this house. It was in great condition, but some things were out of place, uncared for simply because Susannah’s mind went a mile a minute.

Smiling, I let my hands run over the wall, feet planting on the cold wood. I could feel it through my socks, with the lights out and the heat stuttering to a halt.

“Y/n/n, hey.” He sounded breathless, coming up from behind me. I hadn’t even noticed the stomping of his feet up the staircase as my fingers danced along the wall. So caught up in the past I find it that sometimes I forget that I’m living in my present. Looking around my metaphorical room in my mind, I see my chosen family. I see his brother as mine, his mother as mine. I see myself as a child again running through the sand and tracking mud through the dining room.

I know deep down I can not keep holding on, keep on keeping myself back. I can never give Conrad peace, but I can give him my sunshine, my best. He would always have a friend in me. I set my heart free then, fingers stuck to the wall, eyes flickering to my feet. I let go of my heart break and my solemn silences I throw at my loved ones for guilt. I let my walls down, I take Conrad’s hand, and I shake my head. His smile is warm, his eyes loving. He still needs me, he always has. He still loves me and my heart is racing. I finally feel like I have him back.

“You okay?” Back in reality, I’m aware that I’m not actually holding onto his hand, and Conrad isn’t really smiling at me. My heart is still in its cage and I have fallen victim to my own mind again. Conrad is not mine.

Clearing my throat, I lick at the corners of my lips. When I shake my head this time, I know it’s real because Conrad is looking at me questioningly. He is not in love with me, he is not drooling over me. The power is still out and our muddy footprints mean nothing to him anymore.

“We blew a fuse, but the generators dead. We’re just going to have to stick it out.” I nodded again, looking up at him with doe eyes. My lips were glossy with a sheen coat of spit from how much I licked them, but at them nervously. Yet, he didn’t even spare me a glance. It was almost like he was waiting on something.

“You can say it.” He finally sighed.

“Say what?” His eyes caught mine, seeing just how intently my eyes focused on his dimples and the bridge of his nose decorated with delicate freckles. I cleared my throat.

“You told me so.” He smiled, punching my shoulder playfully. He could tell my mind was drifting, he could see it, I saw the way his eyes softened. My gentle smile turned into a shit-eating grin.

A beat passed, he continued waiting on me in the dark room. I liked it in some odd ways. Enjoyed having him waiting on me for once. It wasn’t the same. How my heart waited for his apologies for so long, how I expected it because I knew one day he would come back to me to make things right in his own way. But somehow, his desire for my once overlooked jokes and brushed off comments made my cheeks warm. Like more than me in this moment, he wanted the normal us back.

“Are you going to…” He voice trailed off, my feet picked up against the cold wood floor.

“Why don’t you start the fire? I’m going to get some blankets.” I tucked the hair behind my ear, practically running to the staircase. He nodded, not that I could see it, but the silence confirmed that he had forgotten that I couldn’t truly see his nod. That along with a soft hum of approval from him.

“Oh, and Conrad.” He hummed again. His eyes glistened in the moonlight, shining brighter than any other object standing in the hallway. He waited on me patiently, slowly inching closer.

“I told you so.”

The best of blankets and pillows sprawled put along the living room floor helped to further nestle us against the foot of our white couch. The snowfall and the storm felt less like an inconvenience but a gift.

I was reminded of my childhood. Of first snowfalls and broken ice skates. Red noses and icy hair. I remember how even after the facade of perfect holidays and new years kisses faded into nothing more than a dream, how my heart still soared with excitement each coming fall. How I couldn’t wait to see the snowy powder decorating my front lawn. I get reminded of why I drove so long to see Conrad. Of his warm hugs and his soft mittens. Wearing his hats and stumbling around in the backyard. I feel less hurt by the company than I once did a few days ago. I feel blessed that by some miracle, fate had string Conrad and I back together. That his hands would forever paint my hands in a gentle love we only held, and his whispers of senseless jokes he mumbled tiredly were only mine to laugh at.

The fire crackled, roaring feverishly through the night. The snow and wind pounded against the sides of the house, and despite the chills running through my toes and my fingers, I felt warmer inside than before, rekindling our inside jokes and fueling ourselves for even more.

Soon, our soft laughter and ongoing conversations died out. Our eyes glued to the flames, I tried to catch a glimpse into Conrad’s eyes. I wanted to know what the fire would look like reflected into his blue eyes. Instead, I caught his gaze locked onto my face.

I felt embarrassed, in a way. Vulnerable under his gaze. I felt my cheeks heat up and my body tingle. I felt like a school girl again.

“Y/n/n.” He called for me softly. The only way I was sure that he’d even said it was the fact that my eyes were so trained in his pink lips. I nodded slowly.

“Why did you come down here? Why now?” Even though the question was serious, I couldn’t help but to smile at his curiosity in my life.

Taking a deep breath, I watched his flat face turn into a welcoming grin.

“Lately, I’ve just been caught up in the past, I guess. I’m just so used to coming home every winter to Steven and Belly in the living room already fighting. And my dad and mom arguing about what decorations playfully.” Conrad laughed like he could picture it. He’d never really been in my house during the holidays. Sure, the Fisher family would stop by every few months when the distance became too much, but holiday’s were usually spent apart.

“I guess when I came home this year and that wasn’t there, I kind of freaked a little. I mean, Steven just left, Belly was too caught up in her own life to care about what I wanted to do, how much time we had left. My dad was too busy to stop by and…” I couldn’t bring myself to say it. I almost allowed the words to slip, how the final straw was that even with the mess of my family, at least at one point I had Conrad. I had his gentle hands and his quiet promises to hold onto. When everything went to hell, it was like losing the last bit of peace. “I wanted to be somewhere I wouldn’t feel alone, I guess.” I replaced my words with this. Hoping he’d understand how much he meant to me, how much all of it meant to me.

The single puff of air coming harshly through his mouth in a sigh reminded me just how close we were. How I could feel each word falling from his lips fanning over my shoulder. We were sharing a blanket, so close yet our bodies so far.

“Y/n.” He sounded more serious. During my confession, I found a home in the floorboards. Feeling safer confessing to the air than to a man who destroyed me not so long ago. My eyes hesitated to meet his, but I could see just how serious he was.

“I regret what happened between us more than anything I’ve ever done in my life. I know I can’t reverse that, but please never say you are alone. I swear to you, no matter what, I’m there.” It was rare to hear such thing from Conrad. Maybe a grunt of a hug to assure my feelings were always appreciated. But I could see the sincerity in his face, his voice was dripping with guilt. He meant it, every word.

Nodding my head, I silently thanked him. I watched his eyes search my face. How his lips parted but shut quickly. He decided against continuing, but it was like an unspoken apology was being said between us in that moment.

With gravity pulling us together, it was only in my nature to protect my heart. I had to rip us apart before I gave in without knowing if we’d ever be the same. If I kissed him and it was just a winter fling, I couldn’t take another heartbreak.

So, in our silence, I moved my hand between us. The pad of my thumb brushing away the charcoal from the fire dusting just under his cheek. I watched how he shivered and backed away, eyes fluttering shut. All while I bit at my lip, delicate in the way I rubbed away the dust.

“Are my hands cold?” I remained focused in on him, my lips curled into a smile seeing his reaction to my touch, how he shivered but didn’t complain. He nodded his head slowly, but his eyes were still closed.

I saw how his eyebrows furrowed, it wasn’t from discomfort, but in the low light it was hard to tell. My hand curled away, ready to ease the coldness off of his skin. I didn’t expect his own hand to cover mine, holding it against his now rosy cheeks.

“Feels nice.” He mumbled almost drowsily. His eyes still hidden behind his eyelids, his other hand found mine aimlessly, gently pressing it to his other cheek. I felt his weight sink into my palms, reveling in my touch.

The band suddenly snapped. All the tension, all the build up. He was right there, so eager, so gentle. I had to know if he was still the same boy I loved not too long ago. He had set me up for an old joke.I always wondered if I could still joke with him like this. It still gnawed at me some nights.

“It’s because you’re cold hearted.” I expected him to laugh, I hoped he would. But instead, he smiled just as genuine as his old laughter, melting into my touch more than I thought he could ever. I hadn’t been able to predict what he would tell me. Couldn’t have read his lips even if I could see into the future.

“For everyone else, maybe. But not for you.” He was as honest as a man could be. With his eyelashes fluttering open, I could see it in his eyes now. How they looked back at me wide and awake. I felt my stomach flip. There was something there I had previously missed. Dancing along with the glowing of the fire in his irises, was the same spark he once carried when I was his and he was mine.

I didn’t even get to challenge it, teasing him and making him repeat his confessions. My lips stuttered on the first syllable, just before his hands smushed my cheeks with the force of how he grabbed me. He was firm, but not aggressive. He could never hurt me.

His lips molded against mine perfectly in my mind. He tasted like mint and hot chocolate. My hands tangled in his hair, his palms flat against my waist. With so little space between us, so much fever and pent up frustration, air became harder and harder to get. With each touch of his fingers, it was like tiny fires being sparked across my body.

He hadn’t even had to tell me what he felt then. Neither did I. In that moment my walls crumbled beneath my feet. All resistance was gone. In Conrad’s grasp, I felt less alone.

I knew it then. To Conrad, my mind games I played on myself, my temper and the storms that would inevitably cloud up my sunniest days, the fact that I could never give him peace did not matter. We would always be enough.

[notetaeker]

Hello!!! How did you become so dedicated to your studies? Do you have some advice?

I love your blog, btw✨️

Hi hi hi!! Thanks for the sweet message 💞💞

My BIG study tips (after 25 years of studying):

Accept your fate. This goes for anything but I used to procrastinate with studying a LOT and once you start it's actually not that bad. It's guaranteed. Automatically once you start, you have started, so you're already on your way, so it's already automatically not as bad anymore. Whining abt ur studies and avoiding them will not make them go away unfortunately. Just do it.

Make study time sacred. A few minutes of focused study is much more valuable than 5 hours spent at the library "studying" + scrolling + talking to friends + listening to music at the same time. Doing 5 hours like that is literally putting yourself thru hell because 1. you cant fully enjoy any of those non-studying activities and 2. you come out of that being like ugh I studied this page for 5 hours I'm tired of studying I need a break. Pomodoro method really changed my life pls try it out if u haven't already

That one tumblr post that says 'learning is basically being exposed to the same materials many times in multiple ways' is 100% correct. How many different ways can you expose yourself to the material. Memorizing facts- can you draw it? Can you organize the facts into lists? Can you attach a funny story to one of the facts? The more ways you interact with any material, the stronger it's saved in your memory. Find out if you're a visual learner- and then create visual tools, maybe color coding things helps you. Do a little digging and find out what works for you.

Diversify your life. Have some hobbies, spend time with friends/family, take a break. Let the computer of your brain sort out things in the background while you do other things. Once you go back to studying, you will feel refreshed (and not fatigued from 5 hrs in the library doing "studying") This also means that if you fail an exam, you won't be like 'oh no i spent my whole spring break studying for this exam and didn't even enjoy it and now I got a bad grade i must be horrible my life is nothing' and spiral. def not based on a true story :) Instead you'll be like yeah I failed but look at this scarf I crocheted look at mee i have mental health!

Sleep is magic- no matter what anyone else tries to tell you. 1. If you studied something during the day, just review those things right before bed and magically they will get set into your brain. Also 2. sleeping is when our brain sorts info so if you don't get any sleep at all it' the same as taking your study sheets and throwing them into the air, so when you ask your brain for the info during the test it's like lol it's around here somewhere. On the other hand, if you slept and gave ur brain time to sort it, when you ask for that info, it'll just open the right drawer and give u the info!

That's it for the big ones- if you want more specific advice feel free to ask! Also as a disclaimer, these 5 are all big life lessons that I had to learn thru trial and error, so consider these to be the advice I would give myself at a younger age. Pls don't be offended lol whenever I said 'you' I rlly was thinking abt myself.

[einsatzzz]

ok! webcomic update! previously, i said that i'm considering on making two chapters before i release it - im scratching that idea off. tho i keep jumping back to do some linearts and a few coloring for parts that i'm sure i won't change, i finally also finished the sketch/mapping as a whole for the whole script draft i wrote for chapter 1.

as i kept on mapping and sketching everything out, especially near the end, i realized that the chapter length is easily at least two times the size of what i initially expected of a standard chapter length??? LMAO so i'm technically already working on two chapters worth of story length all along, it's just that since it's chapter 1 that its longer. if i stack these long pages together, the canvas height would at least be around 115K pixels 🤣😭🤣😭

im so extra for this shit, bc this chapter is just me essentially setting everything up (=planting seeds) and getting a grasp on the webcomic creation workflow & most of the canon characters. but i love being extra for my ocs! ueueueue you will understand when you read it.

this will also be the most i've drawn tsuna and reborn(butter this one's for you 🫵), ever. so besides oc withdrawal, i am also having cute girls withdrawal, the only one keeping me alive in these trying times is my girlie kyoko-chan. if you notice her panels are extra well-done...umm...uhhhh....i love cute girls 🫶🥰✨

my alternative is to just add another segment in the end, as some form of preview on what to expect next chapter. it should be no more than another 7K pixels, it's alr so long, this is nothing at this point 🤣

in terms of art improvement, i must say that they really are not kidding when they say if you keep drawing comics your art will improve. i keep noticing things idk how to draw (=i'll need to study how to) and i'm also being forced to draw characters in angles/poses i was too much of a coward to draw before and also! things i didn't give too many shits about to draw before, including mob characters and backgrounds (that i can't 3d my way out of).

honestly, at some point in the future, i should make a custom brush for namichuu student mobs, because goddamn! it's a pain!

it's also nice that i get to also technically do manga panel redraws by doing this! i find that doing redraws of anime screenshots/manga panels is good practice for how effectively im able to eyeball & figure out poses from references.

lastly for the updated estimate of the release! the latest i could finish it if i really take my time would be by christmas (this would be my og deadline if i had planned to release two standard-length chapters). though, i'd release it earlier if I finish earlier, of course.

and im not rlly beating myself up for not making my own personal deadline, i'll just think about it like this "deadlines are a social construct, its not like i'll lose my irl job for not finishing my personal webcomic 🤣🤣🤣" lmaoosjdfhjsf pls im already so depressed the past few days & im isolating, i don't want to add more to it. and having tunnel vision on the grind to make this is actually a good distraction from nasty thoughts. also took a break today from making it, that's why im able to drop by a few ppl's notifs 🫶

[ppnuggie]

Apologies for the previous asks

For the Rung ask And the slap a note ask, will you still be able to do them with human reader please? And the bots in both use a holoform, so they are the same size as the human

I'm sorry once again

　　　　　　RUNG x gn reader

　　　　『　rung ,, gender neutral reader 』

　　-> picnic date w/ rung <3

　　— fluff ,, sfw ,, lil crack ,, bro experiences sour lemonade

　　— its alr :D but please keep it in mind if you request in the future :3 i only did the rung one because i didnt rlly understand the other request . made it a oneshot ,, feel free to reblog or give any comments / feedback ! <3 i enjoy reading them and seeing my work spread !

        it wasnt quite like earth ,, but it was still nice . being here with rung and introducing him to some customs from your world . and it had been a minute since you'd last gone on a picnic . air warm with a chill breeze rustling against the organic plants covering the ground . almost like grass ,, yet less itchy and more soft . not to mention the vibrant purple color . the sky was green ,, a contrast to the rest of the planets warm colored flora . almost reminding you of halloween in a way ,, with its greens ,, purples ,, and oranges . when was the last time you had celebrated halloween ? or been to a halloween party ? you couldnt even recall how long youve been aboard the lost light ,, with how much things have happened .

" (y/n) ? are you feeling alright ?" his hand settled on your shoulder ,, voice smooth and soothing to your ears . it was nice ,, having someone to care and check up on you for once . being aboard the lost light ,, the most you would get for that would be from the medics making sure you didnt break a bone doing something silly and unthought of . " yeah ,, just taking in the sights ." you smiled to the man ,, rung ,, your hand coming to meet his on your shoulder . the psychiatrist nodded with a smile ,, picnic blanket by his side as you both started to walk up the hillside . it wasnt too steep ,, yet it did pose a bit of a challenge .

his hand slid off your shoulder ,, yours following in pursuit and entangling with his . slim fingers tucked in between your own ,, his hand more warm than yours . how such a little gesture made your heart pick up ,, feeling your face heat as you treasured the feeling . it had been too long since you had felt the touch of another ,, let alone a human . even if he wasnt really human ,, it did heal your lonely and touch starved heart . the need and want of another starting to fill slowly the longer youre with rung . its almost as if all your worries fly away ,, out the window to never bother you again .

" this seems like a good spot ,," you muttered ,, setting the picnic basket and taking the blanket from rung . " can you hold the other end ?" you asked ,, waiting for him to grab the corners . you walked backwards and started to lie the blanket on the soft grass ,, placing the basket over in the middle of it . " i've never been on a picnic before . i must thank you for inviting me ,, (y/n) ." rung hummed ,, opening the basket and pulling out the goods from inside . there wasnt much ,, just some sandwiches packed with some fruits that had been previously cut . a couple of plates and two glasses ,, a pitcher of lemonade to go with . " its nothing really ,, im just glad you even came along ." you replied ,, setting the plates out and grabbing a sandwich for yourself . rung picked one up curiously ,, interested in it . " what might this be ?"

" its a sandwich . the outside is bread and inside is peanut butter and jelly . theres other kinds if you dont like that one ." you shrugged it off ,, biting into your own sandwich . rung examined it ,, lifting the top bread up a bit before putting it back down . he took a bite ,, letting out a hum at the taste . he's only had energon his whole life ,, or other versions of energon . there wasnt much of a flavor to it ,, but experiencing this was quite intriguing for him . it made him wonder what the other things youve brought along would taste like . would it taste sweet ,, like the sandwich he was eating ?

        you poured a cup of lemonade for him ,, holding it out so he can grab it . rung didnt waste a second ,, taking a small sip and taking in the different flavors . it made his 'tongue' tingle in a bizarre way ,, his eyes scrunching up . though the tang left and he was left with a sweet aftertaste . " too sour ?" you asked with a giggle ,, forgetting that sometimes lemonade doesnt suit everyone . " is that the word for it ? then yes ,, i suppose so ." rung set the drink down and continued to munch on his sandwich . you had already finished yours ,, munching on a couple of grapes that had been packed .

        " what are those ?" rung asked as he swallowed his bite ,, pointing towards the grapes in your fingers . " theyre grapes ,, a type of fruit . try one ,," you said and placed a plump grape into his open hand . " theyre not as sour as the lemonade ,, i promise ." he nodded ,, putting it in his mouth and chewing . it wasnt sour but its wasn't exactly sweet . the crunchiness soon turn into a mushy mess ,, swallowing the supposed grape . he soon finished his sandwich ,, and looked to where you laid on the blanket . " what are you doing now ?" he asked ,, setting down beside you . your hands found each other ,, entangling once more with each other . his hand warmed yours ,, a pleasant feeling with the breeze cooling your skin .

        " looking at the clouds and seeing what they look like ." you hummed ,, raising your free hand to point at one . " that one kinda looks like magnus's grumpy face ,," you snicker to yourself . rung nodded ,, smile placed lightly upon his lips . " that one sort of looks like those ,, what are they called ? ofu ?" he raised a brow in question . " its ufo ,, and yeah it does . what if it is ?" you looked over at him in surprise before laughing to yourself . " what if they're here to abduct you ?" rung widened his eyes a bit before shaking his head . " i hope not ,," he unlaced his hand from yours and cupped your cheek . " i couldnt bare to be apart from you ,," he whispered before placing a kiss on your lips .

[myremdreams]

Numb pt. 1 - Zhong Chenle

FIRST post and FIRST FIC AHH sorry if its bad lol

i wrote this up while my power was out during the hurricane, its not proofread or like rlly thought out just thought it was cute ig lol. i wanna continue this so this will be a lil pt 1! i hope u enjoy!

☆ fluff (mentions of alcohol) ☆ female character (no name), no mention of hair, eye, or skin color!

                Being back from tour had been rough on Chenle. While on tour, he'd finally felt free. Each city brought something new that sparked life into him, something he desperately needed after the past few months of relentless work in a sterile practice room. The feeling of landing in a new place with so much to explore is like a drug to him… I guess he’ll have to wait to feel that life in him again. It’s funny, never in his 20+ years did he ever feel so addicted to something other than success. Once he achieved a certain status, he felt grateful for his dreams finally coming true, but regardless, a certain numbness followed. When he was touring though, he felt anything but numb. Tired? Yes. Out of breath? Always. Desperate for a drink after a 3-hour performance? Absolutely. But never numb. Now he can only relive his time through memories. Scrolling through the photo album on his phone has become a regular occurrence. Unfortunately, the 12-hour practice days with little to no sun or fresh air are back.

Normally, after a trip, he was quick to snap back into the regular routine. Wake up, eat, practice, eat, sleep… maybe… yeah probably not as much as he should. Something was different this time though. As much as he’d like to chalk it up to jet lag, he knew it was something deeper. That’s why when he found out about the 3 weeklong break coming up, he had a flight booked to Atlanta before he could check if he chose a one-way or a round trip. ‘One way huh?’ Maybe it's a sign. His trip left in two days, and he could not wait for these next two days to be over.

Landing in Atlanta, he let out a sigh of relief. 24+ hours and getting stuck in San Francisco was not on his original itinerary, but he decided to buy a Warriors jersey while he was there to make up for the stress. His journey to the hotel was per usual, the Omni Downtown was familiar to him but still felt fancy enough to enjoy himself. ‘Shit.’ ‘What do I do now?’ Yeah, maybe he should have thought of that before impulse-buying a ticket across the world. Well, the clock just hit 10:45 and it’s plenty dark out, nothing better than a quick trip to the bar for a drink and then heading to bed.

The bar of the hotel was anything but ordinary, the rooftop deck had prettier views than he had expected, and the music set the mood just right. He forgets that normal people are able to enjoy things like this. No fear of being seen, no fear of your life being ruined by a photo attached to an untrue rumor. He takes a deep breath for what seems like the first time in weeks. He feels alive again.

The bartender was busy working on what looked like an espresso martini for someone across the bar, so he decided to take in the scene around him again. The sky was dark but the lights from the buildings illuminated the area around him. The rooftop deck was filled with fluorescent lights, blues, and pinks dancing off people moving to the music the DJ played. Speaking of the music, he swears he’s heard this song before but can’t remember the name, it’s jazzy with a hint of R&B groove, and shit it works so well together.

His attention is brought back to the bartender as he asks what drink he was wanting to order. “I’ll have a Naughty and Spice, thanks.” Slightly embarrassing to say out loud, but it looked pretty good on their seasonal menu, and he’ll never say no to gin. As he waits for his play on words to be made, he looks across the open bar and zeroes in on the new owner of that espresso martini. She’s hard to miss now that the bartender’s moved out of the way, she’s incredible. He’s honestly not sure how so much beauty could be held in a soft smile and thin strands of hair escaping her clipped-up hair, gracefully being carried by the wind. For the first time in a long time, he’s captivated. He would have missed the bartender coming back completely if she hadn’t gotten up from her chair and walked towards the dance floor. “Oh sorry, here’s my card you can just open a tab for me.” As the bartender nods, as if in a trance Chenle found himself walking towards a table near the dance floor. Keeping a respectful distance he silently watched as she danced with a few friends. He’s never seen someone look so happy and carefree. When was the last time he felt like that before tonight? ‘Maybe this bar has magical healing properties’, he joked to himself.

 Looking back at her he realized this woman was the type of beautiful you almost felt ashamed to be in the presence of. At the same time, something you couldn’t look away from, you’d curse yourself for missing a single second. Her beauty wasn’t loud, and it wasn’t overbearing, it was almost like when you’re driving home from work and maybe you took a different route home this time, maybe the long one, but on that road, you see a sunset that takes away all of your focus, all of your worries. A sunset you’ve never allowed yourself to look at before. Most days you try to race home, wanting to escape the confines of the company building. Thinking of the duties of work or thinking about everything you must do once you get home, not recognizing the painted sky surrounding you. You’ve been missing something so beautiful, so incredible, and hey maybe it was right there, and you never noticed. But maybe you weren’t meant to notice until you took that different route home.  Chenle took a different route this time and finally noticed.

She glanced up at him noticing his gaze and let out a laugh, as if she was amused by the spell she’d put him under. Feeling embarrassed and slightly creepy, he looks away trying to focus on anything but the most beautiful view in front of him. Shifting between the bar, the patrons, and the city lights, his eyes eventually found their way back to her. Her drink was half full, her nails neatly painted red, lipstick carefully put on to match, the dress he wonders if she got tailored to her measurements, it somehow fit just right. He’d looked at women before and felt the burn of lust, but this wasn’t just lust, he was in awe of her energy entirely. He craved to know her. Craved to have a simple conversation with her. Or at least just let him learn her name. Even if all he ever got was one more look, he’d do anything… please.  

As if she heard his plea, she looked over at him again, this time with a more inviting feel. Was he supposed to go over there? He would hate to read the situation wrong. The last thing he would ever want is to make a woman uncomfortable with his presence. He sat in thought for a few more minutes, not able to bring himself to look at her. Now he’s really wondering if he’s being a creep who just burdens a woman by staring at her all night. Maybe he should go back to his room. If he’s being honest with himself, he would hate to leave without the promise he would get to see her again. Suppose you can’t have what you want all the time.

He picked up his empty glass and turned to go back to the bar to close out. A faint smell of vanilla and cherry found him as he turned around. “Excuse me.” He attempts to pass but feels a hand on his arm which instantly knocks him out of his self-pity. He’d been so in his head that he failed to realize the person now grabbing onto him was the person he’d desperately needed all evening. His eyes widen and he steps back feeling the rush of adrenaline coarse his veins, complete and utter shock. She was even more gorgeous right in front of him. He took another deep breath, steadying himself. “Hi, I’m not sure if this is weird but I noticed you looking over earlier and wanted to give you my number before you left. I didn’t have the balls to ask you to dance earlier, but maybe this will make up for it?” She holds up a small napkin, still with a visible ring around it from a drink, but he doesn’t care about that. Her number was carefully written in black ink and a kiss mark the same shade of red adorning her lips sat right above it.

He stared down at her, simultaneously brushing the soft skin of her fingers while he tried to transfer the napkin into his hands, if he died right now, he’d feel like his life was absolutely one well lived. He took in all of her. She had little freckles across her collarbone, they led to her neck that led up to her perfect face. Her eyes were expectantly waiting for a reply, he took a mental image of her lashes fluttering up at him. She had looked nervous, but it made her sexier somehow. “Thank you, yeah I noticed you over there, you looked beautiful, I wasn’t sure how to approach you, so I decided to just give up.” He put his hand through his hair frustrated with his “uncool” honesty. She threw her head back and laughed and he’d felt alive once again. He followed her gaze behind him as she started to shush someone, her friends who obviously had too much to drink, freezing as if they’d been caught. “I think my very inconspicuous friends need to be brought to bed, thankfully it’s only a floor down so I won’t have to carry them too far.” A part of him felt relieved he might get the chance to see her again so soon. “Oh, I’m staying here too, maybe I’ll see you around?” She laughed once more, sending a rush through his body, “Maybe use that number I gave you and we’ll find out.” She turned away and while she walked back to her friends, all he could do was stand there. He’d come to this city to feel alive again, and my god did he already get so much more.

[littlesliceofimmortality]

Looks at you with my autistic eyes. Oliver headcanons please (if you haven't done that already)

(My eyeballs pop out of my head and stretch and touch yours.) Hi. THANKS for asking!!!hes such an weird animale to me

oliver d. swift

• d stands for dickens, but if you ask him, its just dick

• it/he/& neopronouns! usually defaults to ey/em asked what neos, but esp likes if theyre emojis or onomatopoeia

• transmasc homo homo gay, obv. been on T ever since he got a job, but doesnt care to get top or bottom surgery

• also either cupioromantic or cupiosexual. it doesnt yhink about it too hard nor is it strict about labelling itself

• also also objectum. half joke

• my fleshhead version of him has a scruff moustache but Also hes just a Hairy guy

• i keep forgetting they have canon heights but ima say it again because its so real. 5'3 compactly built and has a muffin top. gained No height while on T, but he did get acne! and General grime

• afro-columbian but didnt rlly learn about his heritage until late teens (since yakno no parents to teach him) ... has been embracing his culture more and more as he ages

• autism adhd & bpd, baby - TRIPLE combo! used to take meds for his adhd but it made his mood worse and took away his, and i quote, "quirkiness". 

• still on mood stabilizers though he needs that

• dabbles in a bit of every art form, fond of things that involve beads, but filmmaking has always been its one true love <3

• makes kandi bracelets and uses them as fidget toys, often accidentally breaking them

• the ones he DOESNT break he gives to his pals as gifts!

• has beads on his fez string too. changes it up - sometimes its 🏳️‍⚧️ or 🇨🇴 or 🏁. sometimes its a lizard 🦎 

• rediscovered a film ey did back in high school. it was a 43 minute recording of hands crushing peanuts in black and white while someone sang french opera in the back.

• oliver have no memory of making this nor can ey confirm it was em

• he did the catcus tattoo on his ankle himself! stick & poke :-)also has a ferret on his bicep and a cassette player on his inner thigh 

• mild carpal tunnel and wears wrist sleeve compressors to help but he works it like its a fashion choice

• similarly has a landyard that marks him as an employee, decked out with various pins and jangly keys

• has like five red flannels that are basically the same but have ever-so-subtle differences in the stripes 

• it works at a red horror attraction and wears a red fez and red clothes . red isnt even its favorite colors its bright green or something

• mr dickens let oliver do all the sound effects for the horror attraction (he doesnt know ey ripped them all from fnaf)

• knows literally everyone in dialtown idk how. dude shares blunts with God

• took photography classes with lola, raved with craig, had the same therapist as jerry, makes lunch plans with karen, passed bigfoot on the street and did a bro nod at him, boybestfriends with randy, gives gabby gifts on mothers day, just showed up at a mob gathering one day with drinks, etc etc. Need i go on

• never has a shortage of aquantinces but finds it hard to keep close friends

• 1 million contacts without pfps in his phone 1 million email notifications 1 million tabs open

• its The oliver! what else to say!!! uhmmCan he step on a landmine.please

[winxbutbetterimo-ovo]

Riven long ver 1

(some stuff is from the fan wiki i just tweaked)

Name: Riven Liam Arthur

Looks: Aesthetics only gym bro (so he strong but not stronger than Helia for example) . His skin is rosy with a slight tan, and his eyes are narrow and indigo-colored. He has short red-violet hair that is spiked back with only two bangs framing his face.

Relationships: Soulmate is Musa (after a shit ton of work to deserve her ofc) he is the closest to Nabu, has a rivalry with Sky

Personality: He is very insecure on the inside coz he thinks he needs to be better than everyone or else he is nothing. he is also thin-skinned and sensitive to what people thought about him. As a result, he is easily affected when people laughs at or humiliates him. Riven's insecurities caused him to doubt the authenticity of those around him and question who his true friends were.

But on the outside, Egotistic. Riven is the impulsive, competitive, realistic and goal-oriented member of the Specialists. He can be rather hot-headed, experiencing moments of envy and blind aggression; but he is also protective and caring (mostly towards musa or his parents but only when they arent looking). This compassion is not solely limited to his love interests, as he was extremely unwilling to leave Griffin and her students behind while they were imprisoned in their school's dungeon during the Trix's ongoing invasion. Riven has trouble expressing his emotions in a suitable manner, even when he is not putting up a cold front. He is a bit of a lone wolf. arrogant and mean-spirited, which often puts him at odds with everyone.

Despite his initially unfriendly attitude, Riven is shown to have a conscience early on, though it is often overshadowed by his many shortcomings. He can also be reflective when not blinded by his anger. Riven expresses that there are many things he dislikes about himself, but denies the notion that he is a monster, claiming that even he "has a heart". He goes on to prove this statement through his gradual development as a character. Riven displays an even more vulnerable side when he went off to mourn and cry for Nabu when he died.

As time goes on, he still struggles to express his emotions, he is noticeably friendlier and more cooperative. he becomes more compassionate and relaxed, no longer taking his friends' jokes too seriously (even making some himself). He smiles a lot more and doesn’t mind engaging in some goofy behavior. In spite of this, Riven remains a straightforward and blunt person. He is very realistic and vocal. he listens to Timmy when he says he can still sense Tecna's magical vibe (indicating she is alive) and quietly comforts him.

History: his family are all uber successful and he is praised for his intensity at home coz he and his brothers r all rlly competitive. He was pretty privileged as a child so he never knew any hard times, and thus he sees “struggling” as a weakness that people need to overpower. His parents spoiled him for sure. After season 3 Musa breaks up with him after the events of the movie since he was so easily used as a spy again. He acts like it doesn't bother him and dates around but he actually really misses her. In season 4 they get back together in the middle after Riven proves that he has changed/is trying to change for the better.

Weapon: a scimitar-styled purple phantoblade and a bolas, sometimes he also uses a dagger boomerang. He is also very good at dragon wrangling and is a very skilled thief and lock picker. all his wepons are purple in colour, like the gem on his uniform

[todayisawthewhxlewxrld]

RAYHSIIisushshjdiJWJWISIH MY SLEEP SCHEDULE IS SO MUCH BETTER NOW?!?! I'VE BEEN GOING TO BED AT AROUND 7 PM, AND WAKING UP A 6 AM?!?! LIKE EVEN ON THE WEEKENDS? BRO. BE PROUD OF ME PRAISE ME RN!!! BUT ANYWAYS, I'm feeling SO much better 😋 I think I might make that cheesecake thing I mentioned a few anon asks ago today, and probably clean up a bit. I admit I really let the place go for a sec, dishes have unfortunately piled up a bit 😔

ALSO HELLOOOOO??? MEGUMI AND Y/N?? BRO Y/N NEEDS TO STOP THINKING THAT MEGUMI IS ALWAYS AFTER HER!! 😭😭 POOKS LIKE I GET IT, BUT DAMN?? WTH HAPPENED FOR YOU TO HATE HIM SO MUCH, AND HAVE YOU BELIEVE THAT HE HATES YOU SO MUCH TO THE POINT WHERE HE WOULD WANT TO EMBARRASS YOU?? 💀 I'm SO invested. I woke up a few hours ago and saw that you had posted 2 yesterday, but I was like "its still late so I'm taking my happy ass back to bed, I'll read it when I wake up". It's the first thing I did when I arose from my slumber.

Also the boyfriend thing, he at least acts lovey sometimes, but yeah I get what you're saying 😔💔 I just really REALLY love him, and he'll express his love from time to time. I just don't know if he likes me or is just playing me, it'll be 4 months on the 11th, so I'm hoping that this is just one of those relationship phases and we'll work on it or something 😭 We've been okay for the most part tho, idk relationships are difficult sometimes, but I'm more than willing to go through more than difficult for him 😞 Bro has me folded like I've never been before? Help?

PLEASE THOUGH MY FRIEND AND TEACHERS DYNAMIC IS SO WEIRD?? SHE LITERALLY CALLS HIM A LITTLE GAY MAN 😭 HE LETS HER TOO? SHE EVEN INVITED ME INTO A GROUP OF PEOPLE WHO CALL HIM THAT? 💀 She sees him as an older brother, and I could see why, he lwk acts like this other dude I know 😔 I miss you W 💔 But anyways, it's just funny to see them go back and forth with eachother 💀

ANYWAYS. 💀💀 What's your favorite song? 🤔 Tbh I couldn't tell you mine, not that anything is wrong with it, I just FR can't decide what my favorite song is 😭 Having a hard time deciding my favorite color too 💀

ANYWAYS GONNA CLEAN (if I dont procrastinate) SO GOODBYE MY DEAREST AXEL

XOXO 👽

YAYAYYAYA SO PROUD OF U BAEEE!!! SO GLAD UR SLEEPPING SCHEDULE IS GOING GOOD! I HOPE CLEANING GOES WELL N UR CHEESE CAKE COMES OUT YUMMY 😎😎😎

NAH FR LIKE HAS YN EVER THOUGH MAYBE HE ISNT DETERMINED TO MAKE THEIR LIFE A LIVING HELL LIKE THEY THINK HE IS?? 😭😭

bae… idk… i’m still team break up with him even after reading that… cause i feel like it’s usually the opposite four months in where they were rlly sweet before and NOW they’re showing their true colors but also fuck do i know i’m not in ur relationship so take what i say with a grain of salt if u want… DO WHAT U THINK IS BEST ILY !

HELPPP NOT A LITTLE GAY MAN LFMOAOA THATS SO SILLY

ermmmm …. yeah i cant decide either… i love so many songs and i feel like i’m betraying them if i only pick one of them😭😭😭😭

[harrywritingsbyme]

Full

Anonymous Said: pls cnc with daddy H plsssss 

Based Off Of This Ask

A/N: Okay...so as I was writing this, I realized just how much I loved this concept. Like it’s so soft, but also rlly spicy(and I added a shit ton of spice on top of that...you’re welcome). There’s some soft cnc in here too. So I hope y’all like it...this is kinda breaking me out of the whole not being motivated to write even tho I have ideas in my head that I’m dying to expand on and do a fic about them thing I’ve been on since my last fic. And since this is my first fully written fic in a good lil while, I hope it doesn’t suck too bad and I hope you guys love ittt...enjoy🙃

3.7k wordsss

You were having a little bit of a rough night. For the most part, everything was going fine ever since you went to bed a couple hours earlier. You were in your favorite and incredibly comfy sleep shirt, you were all cuddled up and cozy in Harry’s arms, and there was a cute little plug nestled inside your second entrance. Well, you had a cute little plug nestled inside of you. 

After your initial cuddles with Harry that ultimately sent you both right to sleep, you started to move around a bit in your sleep. While Harry thought it was absolutely adorable, you always went to bed with a mission of trying not move around too much. But no matter how much you thought you could keep still, you really couldn’t. You just loved your sleep and couldn’t help but to roll around. Especially if it meant that you were getting a good nights rest. Now most nights while you were doing your nightly rolls(or competing in the sleep olympics as Harry liked to call it) you rolled around your side of the bed(and into Harry)without your plug falling out. You were able to keep it safe and sound inside of you for the whole night usually and not have to worry about losing it inn the sheets. That was most nights, but not tonight. As you were peacefully sleeping next to, or directly on Harry at some points, the bunny plug you chose for the night managed to slip out of you and into the sheets. Now you didn’t wake up immediately after it slipped out of you, but you did wake up not too long after. And when you did wake up, you felt different. Not only were you incredibly close to falling asleep again, you also felt empty. You’d grown so used to having your second hole filled every night and pretty much all the time for that matter, that you were desperate to find your plug and push it back inside. 

See, Harry was beyond obsessed with pushing these princess plugs as he liked to call them into you. Their main purpose is to train your second entrance so that you could be adjusted enough to eventually take more inside and be more comfortable in the process. The whole idea of training and stretching you to fit his cock inside was absolutely amazing to him and quite the turn on as well. And even after pushing into your “glorious” second entrance, Harry still wanted to use the plugs on you. He wanted you to always be stretched and ready for his cock. With that being said Harry was always on top of you having one inside at all times. When you went to bed at night, he’d let you choose which plug you liked the most for that night and he’d pull you over his lap so that he play with you a bit and ease the pretty accessory into you. And he’d do the exact same thing in the morning when you were just out of the shower(or bath; he liked to spoil you in the morning if he went rough on you the night before). And when he wasn’t at home to fill you himself, he’d instruct you to call him via FaceTime right after your shower. No matter the time, or what he was doing in that moment, he’d always step away to answer your call. And he always did just that. Once you were in contact with him, you have your ritual morning/first conversation of the day, and then he goes about instructing you on how to fill your second entrance.

The first step in the process would be choosing your plug…which could be pretty hard sometimes. Throughout you guys’ time working on your much tighter hole, a large collection of pretty plugs was acquired. There was a range of sizes that showed your progress(which Harry was incredibly proud of by the way), and each size had an array of different colors, materials, and shapes. You were hands down obsessed with all of them and you hated when it was time to choose a new one. There were even a couple glass plugs that were designated for when Harry really wanted to play with you, or for when he wanted you to look extra pretty. And along with those and the other plugs, there were two vibrating plugs that were slightly larger than the rest, and they had either a jewel of a fluffy bunny tail on top. Both were designated for when Harry wanted to make a mess of you or for when you were being punished. They were also kept in Harry’s box of toys, the box you weren’t allowed to go in. But back to your wide array of options and choosing just one of them. As you looked through the toys, Harry would give you some suggestions and help you choose the best one for the day.

And once you’ve chosen your princess plug for the day, you head back over to the bed. Harry then instructs you to prop your phone up against the pillows at the head of the bed so that he could get the perfect view of what you were doing. He’d then tell you to get the lube he always uses on you from the drawer of his side table, and bend over in front of him; well, him through the phone. From that point on, he guides you through the final steps of filling your second hole and he gets to watch it all. And hear your whines too. He thought you sounded so cute as you spread the lube around the area, and when you start to nudge the plug past the tight ring of muscles, or when you felt the lube sliding down to your already glistening pussy. Once your nice and filled, Harry would sing your praises. All the way through you guys’ explosive round of phone sex, and  he wouldn’t stop until the phone is hung up.

So yeah, with all that being said, you were definitely not used to being empty like you were now. Especially since Harry always made sure to keep you filled at all times. Even when he was away! After feeling around for your princess plug and turning up with nothing, you started to get quite frustrated. And on top of that you were starting so slip into your subspace. All you wanted at this point was for Harry to find your plug, fill you back up, cuddle with you, and go back to sleep together. That’s it. You hated to wake him up but you were slipping further into your subspace and you were feeling needy. So even enough you didn’t want to, you try and wake Harry up. You begin to softly whisper in his ear and nudge at his shoulder to wake him. And after about a minute or so you were able to successfully wake Harry up a little bit.

“What’s the matter darling.” He asks concernedly, his words slurred and his voice heavily overcome with sleep, so deep it sent a little shock to your core. 

“Can’t find my princess plug daddy!” You softly whine to him, your voice laced with your need for Harry to make you feel better. 

“It’s alright baby, daddy gonna find it for you.” He softly replies, waking up more and more as he talked to you.

“Please daddy, feel so empty.” You mumble in response. 

“Daddy’s gonna get you all filled up again, don’t you worry sweetheart.” He reassures, lifting his head from the pillows to lean over and press a small kiss to your nose before completely lifting himself up. He then pulls the covers off of his body and stands up from the bed. “M’gonna turn the light on now.” He warns, giving you a chance to prepare yourself before turning lamp on his bedside table on to start his search for your plug. 

He pulls the covers back from the top of the bed to expose you and the expanse of the bed before proceeding to shake the covers in hopes of shaking the plug out of them. But there was no plug to be found, leaving the floor as the last option for the location of the missing plug. He starts by checking the floor on his side of the bed where he was standing to see if he narrowly missed stepping on it when he got up. Upon confirming that it was not was not on the floor in his area, Harry begins to walk around the bed, coming to a halt when he reaches your side. 

“There you are.” He mumbles to himself, his eyes stopping on the pretty blue bunny plug that was lying on the floor next to the bed. Following the direction of his eyes, you peer over the edge, your eyes stopping in the same place as his. Harry then leans down to pick the accessory up.  “Gonna have to pick another one sweets. Gotta clean it in the morning.” He groans after leaning over,  giving you a little pout once he’s fully standing. 

“Still wanna be a bunny.” You reply simply, stating your preference as to what plug you’d like to have. 

“Okay” He chuckles at your cute and very simple answer. “And what color sweets?” He asks, beginning to back up in the direction of the closet.

“Hmm, pink please.” You decide. “Thank you daddy.” You continue, sending him a soft smile in the process. 

“Anything for my girl.” He replies, mirroring your smile and sending you a little wink before disappearing into the closet. He makes a b-line to the drawer with all of your plugs and plucks the pretty pink bunny plug that was exactly the same, all the way down to the size, as the last one. He then places the blue plug on one of the nearby shelves as a reminder to clean it and put it back in the drawer before turning out the light and heading back to you, keeping his hands with the plug behind his back. When he enters back into the room, he walks over to the bed, revealing the new plug to you once he reaches the end of the bed. Harry then, very simply and very nonchalantly, wags his finger around to signal you to turn around and get in position. And you immediately do just that. You turn yourself around at the top of the bed and you pull your sleep shirt up a bit to make sure it’s not blocking anything. When Harry sees this, he couldn’t stop his cock from twitching in his boxers. You were so eager to have your little hole filled again that you were going to do any and everything he said. 

Wasting no more time just standing there, Harry quickly walks over to his bedside table to grab the lube before crawling onto the bed behind you. Since you were on your hands and knees, Harry could see everything, causing his cock to harden even more in his pants. Whenever he fills your much tighter hole, Harry always makes sure that you’re comfortable in the process. So before doing anything, Harry reaches up and grabs a pillow from the top of the bed so you can have your hips lifted and not have to be on all fours or have your back arched. He tucks it underneath your hips, and then proceeds to instruct you to just lay down and relax against the bed.  Harry then pushes your thighs apart spreading you a bit wider before crawling on top of your plushy thighs. 

“Now pull em apart f’me baby.” He instructs, lightly tapping at your backside. And within seconds, Harry is watching you grip onto the flesh of your ass before pulling it apart to fully reveal yourself to him. “Look at that little hole. Absolutely amazing how it takes all of me inside.” He admires. When he sees your little hole contract below him, Harry couldn’t help but chuckle a little behind you. “I take it someone is excited.” He states playfully, bringing a finger down to poke at the tightened opening, causing you to clench up even more around his finger. He then grabs the bottle of lube from beside him and pops it open before squeezing a good amount of it down onto your hole. To ensure that you’re nice and ready for him so start pushing it back in, Harry brings two fingers down to spread the lube around, concentrating on your entrance. He then closes the bottle and drops it onto the bed, replacing it with the plug itself. Harry slots the head of it between his fingers and brings it down to your entrance. “Now be a good girl and relax f’me baby.” He whispers from behind, nudging the tip against your entrance. “Daddy’s got you.” He reassures, beginning to push the plug further. As he does this, he can hear faint whimpers and moans leaving your mouth, prompting him to whisper sweet reassurances to you and making his now incredibly hard cocks presence known.

Once the plug is fully inside, Harry gives your ass a little tap, signaling to you that you could let go. When you do, Harry just sits there and admires your backside. He couldn’t help but to fall in love with how cute the tail looked on you. To him, you looked like a proper little bunny. A proper, and utterly fuckable, little bunny. To him in this moment, you were his little fuck bunny. And he could really go for a good fuck. Especially considering how hard he was right now. There was no way he was going to bed with a rock hard cock. Especially when you’re so readily available to him.

 “Now what do you say after daddy has plugged you up so nicely?” Harry coos, lifting himself from you momentarily to shove his boxers off. 

“Thank you daddy.” You happily sigh, content with the feeling of your ass being filled again. You then begin to turn back onto your side but Harry is quick to push you back down onto your front, spread your legs back, and get back on top of you to keep you down. “What are you doing daddy?” You ask, completely confused as to what was going on. 

“Well daddy just wanted to give himself a treat for waking up in the middle of the night.” He says, bringing a hand down between your legs to your cunt.

“Just wanna sleep daddy.” You whine, trying to move around below him.

“Well you can baby, once m’done with you.” He simply replies, pushing his fingers between your sticky folds and against your weepy little hole. 

“No daddy!” You whine into the pillow below, trying to protest his actions and not let out a loud moan instead. 

“Stop being a little brat and just take my cock Y/n.” Harry groans, using his other hand to tug at his cock. Harry then moves himself closer to your center and lays himself on top of you, his mouth landing right at your ear, keeping one of his hands wrapped around his cock. He lifts his hips up from yours and blindly maneuvers his cock so that it’s hovering over your entrance. “And if you really meant that, you know what to do.” Harry reminds, referring to the safe word the two of you’d set when it came to your activities in the bedroom whether they were planned or not. Whatever it may have been, if either of you used it, everything stopped. The both of you, especially Harry though, took it seriously and wanted to make sure that it was there and known. 

As he reminds you of the safe word though, Harry begins to push his cock right into you. Sending you into a complete frenzy. Your protests came to a halt and your moans began. You were loudly moaning at the feeling of his cock sliding into you and completely filling you up. It felt so goo and you were so happy Harry kept going because you felt absolutely amazing. Once he’s fully inside, Harry takes a moment to get his bearings. You were a complete mess below him and he was beyond overwhelmed with how good you felt around him. Harry wanted to just have a good lazy fuck that would put you two right to bed. But with your pussy feeling like this around his cock, Harry was literally incapable of going slow. There was just something about your wetness and juices that unlocked his carnal desire to just fuck you. And on top of that, whenever you were subby, your sensitivity tended to be heightened. Which meant that you’d be a moaning mess the entire time and it would only take two seconds for you to explode around him. Also, Harry just loved pounding you and taking complete control over you when you were in your subby space. He was already in control, but this was so much more. So instead of pausing any longer, Harry dives right in and begins delivering the quickest, deepest, and hardest thrusts he possibly could.

“Daddy!” You shout, feeling him slam into the deepest part of you over and over again. You could feel the carnal desire he had in his thrusts. You could also hear it in the way he growled into your ear. While you loved being coddled while in your subspace, you also loved being controlled. Harry was just slamming his cock into you over and over agin, trying to relieve the pressure in his cock. Sure he wanted you to feel good, but he was more concerned with pleasuring himself and using your body to do just that. And in the process of doing that, he was making you feel like you were soaring.

As he continues with his beyond intense thrusts, Harry felt like he was on cloud nine. The way you were clenching up around him and just taking it all was extraordinary to him. You were being such a good girl and doing so well for him, taking his pounding and loving every second of it. He even made sure to tell you how good of a girl you were being, and even promised to fill your tummy with all of his cum if you kept being a good girl. And that you did. You continued to let him take you hard from behind and make you scream into the pillows. As the rhythm he had going with his hips continues, Harry alternates between lying right on your back and pinning your hips down and just mounting you so to speak. Sometimes he just wanted to see your little tail and watch his cock disappear into the magical cave as he liked to describe it, that was your cunt. Seeing that on top of hearing your cries out to daddy about how deep he was inside, how big he was, how rough he wad going on you, and how good it felt made it all ten times better and pushed Harry closer to his release.

“Such a good little fuck bunny f’me” Harry grunts into your ear, back to lying on top of you. “What are you doll?” He growls, staggering his thrusts to make them harder. 

“A fuck bunny!” You shout, struggling to form those three words.  

“And who do you belong to?” He growls, slamming his hips down into you again, demanding a prompt response from you.

“You daddy!” You reply through another whimper. As you replied to him, the part of your legs that weren’t pinned down flailed back and forth as you took each power and pleasure packed thrust. 

“Good girl. Now put it all together; I am…” He begins, leaving the rest for you to finish. 

“Daddy’s fuck bunny!” You reply wearily, struggling to get the words out.

“Good girl!” He praises (with a tinge of condescension in his voice), going back to his rough and very deep, continuous thrusts. “M’so glad you’re a good fuck bunny don’t mind daddy tearing you up inside.” He grunts, feeling a familiar rumbling in the pit of his stomach as he continues on. “Wanna cum sweets?” Harry pants a few moments later, continuing to push his cock in and out of you, his thrusts turning into humps more and more as his release gets near. 

“Please daddy!” You softly cry, feeling a throbbing sensation mounting in your clit.

“Want you t’hump the pillow baby. Dig that greedy little clit of yours down into the pillow for daddy.” He instructs, almost guiding your movements against the pillow. He could hear your whines turn into desperate whimpers. He could feel your walls begin to contract around his cock. And he could feel his own release beginning to take over him. After a couple digs into the pillow, you couldn’t hold it any longer. You let go right then and there, prompting Harry to follow your lead. As you were riding the seismic waves of your release, Harry was releasing everything he had to give. The both of you riding the waves of your releases. 

When Harry can feel most of his body again, he lifts himself from your back and leans over to turn the light out. He then pulls you both onto your sides with him right behind you, and pulls the comforter that was abandoned earlier up onto you both. 

“Nice and full sweetheart?” He asks, circling his hand around your lower stomach before removing it from around you and bringing it back between the two of you. “This nice and snug? Don’t want it to come out again.” He asks, pushing the plug into you a bit more.

“Perfect daddy.” You sigh, still in a daze from everything Harry did to you.

“You just love being filled up, don’t you baby.” Harry hums, chuckling at how happy you were now that you’re completely filled up. 

“Mhm!” You happily hum, beginning to doze off.

“Well m’gonna keep you nice and full, and make sure you sleep real good baby.” He says before pressing a kiss to your cheek, Keeping himself tightly wrapped around you. Keeping his cum, his cock, and your pretty little princess plug safe and sound inside you. 

Masterlist

[imtooscaredforthis]

Tethered

Part I- Chapter 10: Charity

Mentions of: Tooth rotting fluff, little shit children, and nothing rlly

A/N: YOU GUYS HAVE NO IDEA HOW EXCITED IVE BEEN FOR THIS CHAPTER AGAGAGSGSG

Tags: @prettycutebunny @froegis @autisticpickle @dead-bxtch-walking @moonshineinasippycup

You’ve been to a few charity drives before with your parents. They always prioritized others’ needs before their own, and it was what they taught you, despite how little you had in your childhood, you were taught to give to others, not to take for yourself.

Today, you, Frank, Emily, and Ms.Anderson worked at the foster drive. Unsurprisingly, both Frank and Emily complained the whole day. “Mommy, my feet hurt. Can I go sit down?”

“Fine, but after a few more boxes.” Ms.Anderson replied with a sigh, taking a box of clothes and placing it into a van.

Emily rolled her eyes, passing you a box. She barely did anything today, besides complain, and maybe carry a box or two.

“Yeah, finish up while the rest of us have to work, brat,” Frank muttered, once Ms.Anderson was out of earshot. The little girl glared daggers back at him, sticking her tongue out and running off.

Muttering insults under his breath, Frank glanced over at you, noticing you looking at him. “What?”

“Nothing, just, you don’t have to be so miserable, you know. We’re helping people.” You told him, grabbing another box to load up the vehicle.

“I’m nice enough, I don’t have to do this bull to prove it.” That made you snicker, cracking up slightly, and doing your best not to burst out laughing. “It’s not funny! I have been nicer. I mean, I haven’t hurt or threatened anyone in..a while..”

“Good job Frank. I’m proud of you.” You said sarcastically, a few laughs slipping out.

–

A few more hours passed where you continued working, with a few breaks in between. By the end of it, you were exhausted, and your back was sore from bending over and picking up boxes all day.

When you were finally finished, you were prepared to go right back home and relax, but it seemed like your plans changed. “When you guys get home, I want you to find something nice to wear. The neighborhood’s having a dance for the charity drive, as well as a fundraiser tonight!”

Frank groaned, slumping against his seat. You understood how he felt, considering how tired you were, but you also couldn’t help but feel excited, too.

“C’mon, don’t be like that Frank. It’s going to be fun! It’s like a reward for all the hard work we did today.” You said with a grin, but he seemed much less enthusiastic.

“I don’t want to be rewarded, I just want to go to sleep.” He complained, making you sigh and shake your head.

Once you arrived home, you ran upstairs, going through a box of your clothes, and finding an old dress. It was slightly worn, but still pretty. It wasn’t too formal, with a nice, slightly faded, pink color, with a bow tied around the right side of your waist.

After putting it on, you walked down the stairs to meet with Ms.Anderson. Emily was already sitting at the table, glaring at you. “Ew, you look ugly.”

“Emily! That’s not nice. Apologize right now.” Ms.Anderson told her, making the little girl mutter out a small “sorry.” She looked over at you, with a big smile.

“Oh honey, you look beautiful.” She complimented, making your cheeks grow warm. “Thank you, can you help me zip up the back?”

“Of course.” You turned your back to her, letting her zip your dress up completely. You took a seat at the kitchen table beside Emily, waiting for Frank to come downstairs.

A couple of minutes went by, and he walked down with jeans and a jean jacket on, nothing much different from what he was wearing before. “Frank, you look nice…”

But he wasn’t listening, instead glancing over at you. He was looking at you for way too long. It got to the point where he wasn’t listening to what anyone was saying, just mumbling “mhm”s and “yeah”s, nodding along.

“Stop being such a weirdo!” Emily yelled at him, kicking him in the leg and managing to break him out of his trance-like state.

“Ow! You little brat!” He snapped at the girl, making you giggle. He hid his face in his jacket, his cheeks pink with embarrassment. “Let’s just go already.”

–

The fundraiser was really fun. You ate a lot of sweets and junk food and danced. You mostly danced with kids, some you knew, some you didn’t, but you did dance with a few adults too.

You loved to dance. It was one of your favorite things. The joy and happiness on others’ faces, the music and the rhythm, and the overall feeling of togetherness it brought you. It was amazing.

You tried getting Frank to dance with you, but he refused, opting to sit at the table and watch instead. Eventually, you grew tired of dancing, wanting to go over to talk with him.

“I can’t believe you don’t like dancing. C’mon, you gotta be bored out of your mind just sitting here.” You said as you joined him at the table.

“It’s stupid, and I don’t even know how to dance anyways.” He muttered, crossing his arms and leaning back in his seat. “Well, I can teach yo-”

“No!”

“Alright, alright. What do you want to do then?” You asked. He scratched his chin in thought, before answering.

“We can go skip rocks at the lake. Wanna do that?” You jumped up from your seat, grabbing his hand and leading him down to the docks.

It was quiet and peaceful at the lake, nothing but the sound of crickets, water hitting the sand, and the music from the fundraiser playing softly in the distance.

Fireflies flickered around, and you watched as Frank picked up a rock, skipping it across the water. You picked up your own, trying to skip it, only to have it sink.

“You’re not moving your wrist right. You need to flick it. Like this.” Frank showed you, skipping another rock.

“So like that?” You imitated the motion. He shook his head. “No, you’re doing it too soft. It’s rough and quick, like this.”

He took your hand, moving it for you. “Now try it again.”

You threw it the same way he taught you, skipping it far over the water and smiling. He grinned back at you. “Told you it would work.”

“Yeah, yeah, you were right. You don’t have to rub it in.” You rolled your eyes, with a smirk.

You two continued skipping rocks for a bit, before you grew tired of it, choosing to sit down on the edge of the dock. After skipping another rock, Frank sat down beside you.

“It’s such a nice night, isn’t it?” You gazed up at the starry night sky, smiling. But Frank wasn’t looking at the sky. He was looking at you. “Yeah.”

“You look really pretty.” The words slipped out, making you look over at him in shock. The next thing you knew he leaned over, pressing a small kiss to your lips, pulling away.

Your heart was pounding in your chest, as you processed what just happened. Then, you started laughing. Not a taunting laugh, but a laugh of disbelief as well as one of realization. “I knew it.”

“Ever since you pushed me and started those rumors. I knew you liked me.” You grinned. “My mom always told me boys are meaner to the girls they like. Looks like she was right.”

“So…what now?” Frank asked.

“I have no idea.”

[kkeidawrites]

AHHH idk rlly know if you still do requests but if u still do could u do Adrian tepes x black reader

Where after the battle in season 2 reader initially went with sypha and trevor to help them with whatever they were gonna do but y/n ends missing adrian (and was tired of those to goofing all the time) so in the dead of night y/n takes some supplies and runs back to the castle. And when she sees the castle in sight she throws open the doors and starts looking for alucard

(Fluff)

Ur account is like my safe place I don't find many black readers/ writers so I absolutely love your posts ❤❤

Thank you so much for saying that I do try when I write and I want people to be inspired to write more black reader stories or actually more black leads in stories’ I’m not sure if you wanted the reader to be male/female or gender neutral, so you can decide as you read along! And yes, I am still open to requests!

$$$$$$$$$$$$$&$$$$$$$$$$$$$&$$$$$$$$$$

It was like a breath of fresh air when Y/n saw the looming infamous castle of Walachia. Y/N had made the decision to leave with Trevor and Sypha, thinking it was the best decision. But was it? As the covered wagon rolled down the dirt path leading away from the castle, Y/N felt her heart break.

Y/N could tell as the three of them departed the widowed dhampir, that he did not want them to leave. As Y/N thought about it, after being away for two weeks, that when Dracula’s reign had ended, Trevor and Sypha felt that they needed to leave right after. Y/N thought their abrupt departure was selfish both on their part and on Y/N’s as well.

Y/N still didn’t know what the original plan was in the first place when getting on that wagon with Sypha and Trevor. Y/N felt it was the right thing to do. Was it the right thing to do? The question constantly whispered in Y/N’s head.

The wagon stopped one evening and Trevor suggested that they rest here and continue on to Argeis come morn. Sypha noticed Y/N’s quiet nature that evening, usually when she and Trevor were arguing or playful banter, Y/N would chime in but it seemed that entire week, her playful quips wasn’t heard as much as Sypha thought.

It concerned the Speaker and she questioned if there was anything wrong. Y/N gave off a wavered yes of being alright and told the Speaker that only the thoughts rattling in the mind was all that was wrong.

Sypha didn’t question Y/N anymore and rolled over in the wagon to get some much needed and deserved sleep. Y/N opted to sleep outside to ponder the thoughts plaguing them. Twisting and turning in the sleeping bag, didn’t help at all and Y/N sat up with a huff.

Y/N felt anxious. This wasn’t the life planned out, not like this, not alone. Well, other than Trevor and Sypha’s presence, Y/N felt alone in the Wallachian world.

Where Y/N forlorn, the color of your skin was dark and your hair was kinky and coiled. The heat of the country seemed like second nature and the many animals that roamed and only seen in that country was its own majesty.

Someone completely different than what you saw in Walachia. Y/N was born to a single mother, their father had been killed by those accursed night monsters and since then Y/N had made it their mission to become a strong dual swordsman, studying under the elders of the people under the sun and learning the medicines that would keep them alive in this world.

Y/N and Alucard’s meet was an interesting one. Their initial meeting was when the trio were on their way to Dracula’s castle and night creatures had made their appearance in Gresit where Y/N was vacating after evacuating Lupu.

Y/N was fighting off the monsters in Gresit and saved a couple of children when the trio arrived and made light work of the rest. Y/N didn’t want anyone to know that they existed and made haste to leave in the shadows to avoid the people most importantly the church.

In the past, Y/N’s mother was subjected by the church in Lupu for her darker skin. Believing that such dark skin was the skin of a demon raised from Hell to walk along humans. Y/N’s mother, a spitfire set the priest straight and told him if Devil wanted to have her raise death and destruction on Earth then he would have asked for it already.

It also didn’t help the fact that the priest’s goons would come after Y/N and Y/N’s mother, harassing them all the time and trying to run them out of town. Y/N’s mother always stood strong and fought those goons off whenever they tried to get physical; sending them back to their puppet master with their strings twisted.

So, it was no surprise when Y/N had met the trio by accidentally running into the dhampir while attempting to escape through an alley. His solid figure made Y/N’s hood fall off their head and the coils of their hair is what brought the attention of the trio.

Alucard made a comment, curious about the coils, it was almost childlike when he asked. Y/N was thrown off guard by the question and made haste to leave the area quietly but the speaker stopped Y/N asking if they were familiar with the area and where they could get a covered wagon.

Y/N didn’t answer her question and moved to leave once more only to be stopped once more, by the dhampir again. His calm demeanor and honeyed words brought Y/N’s attention to the man. At first, Y/N mind was not on talking to anyone but, once their eyes found Alucard’s gold ones Y/N was intrigued.

As a help them help you situation, Y/N was persuaded by Sypha to help them end Dracula’s murderous reign and Y/N agreed. Y/N didn’t care if Alucard was the son of Dracula, it was the fact that Y/N’s mother lived in Argeis and the thought of her killed by the creatures of the night didn’t sit right.

In the little time the four were together, it seemed that Alucard and Y/N were the first to interact with one another more than Sypha and Trevor. They could relate with one another in a way, both their mothers strong, smart and knowing that helping people no matter the ideas they had or if they didn’t want it, was deserved to anyone.

When his father had died, Y/N was there by his side to shield him from the swirling ashes of hell demons as a way to let him know that it was alright to grieve his father.

Y/N had made her decision. Staying with Trevor and Sypha was fun but, this wasn’t the life Y/N sought for.

Going to the wagon, Y/N swiped a small bag of food, just some cheeses and bread and left behind a quick note to Sypha and a little joke to Trevor’s smell then left to return to the castle.

Presently, Y/N walked up the stone steps to the large double doors of the castle and didn’t care to knock. Pushing open the doors, Y/N marveled the recently cleaned up entrance hall, the furnished red rugs were either burnt or ripped and the statues were all destroyed.

“Alucard?” Y/N calls and makes haste to the twin stairwell.

Now that they were here, Y/N needed to find the dhampir and tell him how sorry they were for leaving him behind. For leaving him alone.

“Alucard!” Y/N made their way up the two flights of stairs, searching for the dhampir.

Where could he have gone? Y/N’s mind scrambled for any explanation or idea as to where he could have gone.

“The Hold!” Y/N exclaimed and rushed down the two flights, hoping that he would not leave in time for Y/N to find him.

However, as soon as Y/N reached the entrance hall, the man of the hour was walking up the right side of the two stairwells and paused on the third step up, his eyes wide from realization of Y/N’s sudden appearance. His right hand gripped the small yellow basket and Y/N’s eyes widened then lowered in relief.

“Alucard…there you are.” Y/N sighed, grateful that he was alright and made their way down the same stairwell to see him closer.

“I was worried something happened to you, you know this castle is big as hell-”

“Y/N.” Alucard’s quiet gasp of their name made Y/N grin as they grew closer to him.

“I think being with Sypha and Trevor for too long has made you forget me, Alucard. That’s not nice. I thought we were friends? You don’t forget your friends-”

Arms wrapped around Y/N’s waist and a warm body hugged their front as Alucard sighed into Y/N’s coily hair, inhaling their scent to make himself sure that they were real and here in his arms.

“I could never forget you, Y/N…never ever.” He told Y/N. Y/N arms wrapped around him just as snug and rubbed their cheek into his bird chest, a smile gracing their lips.

“Will you stay?” His question makes Y/N look up at him and their smile grows wider as they nodded.

“Yes. I will stay.”