#I really gotta stop drawing other people’s AUs and actually finish stuff for my own

[merakimagic]

SLAU! One - @dianagj-art

2AL Poptart - @intotheelliwoods

｡˚✧ I love the besties but I started watching super sons and the dynamic between Jonathon & Damian to then Poptart & One… I see no difference. One is a cinnamon roll that could kill you, the other could kill you but is a cinnamon roll

[helliontherapscallion]

(Y/n) and the Terrible, Horrible, No Good, Very Bad Week: Monday

Tuesday     Wednesday     Thursday (Part 1)     Thursday (Part 2)     Friday     Saturday     Sunday

Spotify Playlist (collaborative)

Pairing: SBI x sister!reader (she/her pronouns)

Warnings: swearing, toxic friends, panic spirals/attacks, injury, taking pills for pain

Summary: you have a very bad week, how will you manage? (Characters are fully human, but based on their DSMP characters. High school AU)

Word count: 4,818

(A/N): I’ve never played volleyball or watched Haikyuu before, so I’m not 100% certain how games work. Also, I probs should’ve split this into two parts, but eh.

“(Y/n) love, you look homeless in that sweater, it’s literally so fucking ugly.”

“Haha, yeah it is. I guess I just wasn’t really trying today.”

Adrian snorted, scanning your body with his cold eyes. “Today? You don’t try at all. You always look like trash.”

“More than trash, you always look like you just rolled in dog shit.” Sammy threw her head back and cackled at her own joke.

Your friends around you erupted in laughter as you four walked down the hallways of the hell that was your public high school. You awkwardly chuckled alongside them, you didn’t really find it funny, but you didn’t want to draw more attention towards yourself. 

“Seriously, (y/n), I really don’t know why we still hang out around you anymore. You really let yourself go.”

“Yeah, now that I think about it, you did gain like five pounds in the past week.”

“Really not a good look on you, love. Then again, nothing you do can make you look good anymore.”

You tried to not let their comments get to you, you really did, but sometimes their comments just rooted themselves deep into your subconscious. You didn’t try looking good anymore, you couldn’t wear anything without them criticising it. You could never win. 

“Awe,” Adrien poked your cheeks, “stop looking so sad. We’re just trying to give you advice. You really need it.”

“Yeah, (y/n). You’re so sensitive, get a grip.”

“Guys look, I think she’s gonna cry!” 

You wiped at your welling eyes with the sleeves of your sweater. “I’m not. I just got allergies.”

Annie rolled her eyes. “Uh-huh. Anyways, what are our plans for Halloween? We should totally dress up like sexy angels! I think that’d be so cool. Like, Clint’s party won’t be ready for us.”

“Oh, about that Annie…”

“God, what now (y/n)?”

“I was actually planning on spending Halloween night taking Tommy and Tubbo trick-or-treating with my brothers and dad. I won’t be able to go with you guys, I’m sorry.”

The group groaned loudly. “C’mon (y/n), you never hang out with us anymore.”

“Oh my god (y/n) you still go trick-or-treating? We’re juniors.”

“I’m sorry, I’ve just been busy with my AP classes and studying for the SAT. My team captain’s really been pushing the team hard with volleyball practice. State finals are soon and we want first this year.”

“No matter how much studying you do, you’re gonna fail. You’re stupid, so why try? Just give up and hang out with uuussss.”

“Yeah (y/n),” Adrien looked at you suspiciously, “you’ve been ignoring us lately. I thought we were friends. Do you even wanna be friends anymore?”

You felt a flare of panic flare up in your gut. “I do! I-I just have so much going on right now. It’s starting to get hard to juggle everything.”

“We’re starting to think that you don’t like us anymore, we want our (y/n) back!” Sammy whined. The others agreed with her, making you feel guilty. You were ignoring them, it was selfish in your opinion. You supposed that you could skip out on taking Tommy and Tubbo trick-or-treating, there’ll be other years you could take them. 

“I guess I can take Tommy and Tubbo another year. They’d just have to go without me this year.”

They cheered, giving you praise. You beamed at that, they seemed down lately and you loved it when they’d give you compliments. They didn’t do that much, so that made their praise more special to you. You strived to get compliments.

You four went off to your separate first classes for the day. Yours was statistics, a class you’ve been struggling in lately. You didn’t know anybody in there except for your oldest brother Techno, so you tried to stick with him. Unfortunately, the teacher’s seating chart placed you both on opposite ends of the room, probably because of your last names indicating that you’re siblings. You placed your stuff down on the table and plopped down into your seat, already drained. You had a long day ahead of you; you had a major AP world history test in your next class, you had to give a presentation in your AP english class that was worth a quarter of your final grade, and you had a semifinals volleyball match that would last until late in the night. If your team won, you would be going to state finals, so it was a lot of pressure on your shoulders. You were the main setter, so you had to really focus tonight if you were going to score your team points. 

“Alright class, pull out your homework!”

Fuck, you had homework? You looked in your folder, only to see the unfinished sheet full of equations you didn’t understand staring back at you tauntingly. Mr. Mullins walked over to your desk, took one look at your blank homework, and just walked right past you. Another big fat zero in the gradebook for you, just what you needed. At least he wasn’t in the mood to berate you today. You didn’t need any more stress piled onto your shoulders. 

The lesson felt like it dragged on forever with you frantically trying to copy down the notes on the board and trying to understand the content at the same time. Overtime, he would call students up to the board. Hopefully, he would skip over you today. “Ms. Minecraft.” Goddamn it, you spoke too soon.

Your head perked up and you looked at him. “Yes sir?”

“Come up to the board and solve this.”

Gulping, you felt panic rise up in you and stood up with shaky knees. On the board was part of the newer content he was just teaching. Something that you understood only a little bit better than the rest, and that’s not saying much. You still didn’t understand the content completely. Your writing was shaky as you wrote what you thought was right on the board. Finding the answer, you circled it and looked at Mr. Mullins. He looked disappointed. 

“That’s wrong, Ms. Minecraft. Please sit down.”

You felt like your face was on fire as you saw the entire class burning holes into you with their eyes. Though they looked dead inside, as per usual with any morning class full of tired teenagers, their effects still took hold on you. You wanted to crawl into a dark hole and die. You sat back down and stared at your note packet, you couldn’t focus on the lecture anymore. Your attention was fully on your surroundings, you were hyper aware of every little whisper and bouncing leg in your peripheral vision. You could feel yourself spiraling, usually that wouldn’t happen until after your third class. Today was going to be rough. 

The loud chime of the bell startled you out of your thoughts. You shakily put your papers back into your binder and put the binder back into your backpack. Right as you were about to walk through the door, you heard Techno catch up to you. “Hey, you good?”

“Yeah Tech, I’m just peachy.”

“Are you su-”

“Technoblade. I’m fine. Now if you excuse me, I have to get to my next class. I have an important presentation I’ve gotta prepare for.”

Without giving him any room to argue, you rushed off to your english class. You had Adrian and Annie in your class. For your presentation, you were paired up with people that you hardly knew. At least they did their part in the project, you were certain you were going to die if you got paired up with Adrian and Annie again. You loved them, but they never did any part of their portion of work. They left it to you to finish at midnight the day the project was due. To be fair, they both told you they had family emergencies, so you covered for them just that once. 

You pulled out your flashcards only to have them knocked out of your hand when someone bumped into you. You quickly crouched to pick them up so you could have them in order by time class started. “Oops, sorry love.”

It was Annie. She and Adrian towered over your crouched form smirking at you. Looking back down to rearrange your cards, you murmured “it’s ok.”

“Are you ready for this presentation, I know I am.”

You smiled a little. “Actually, I think I’m going to ace this. English is my best subject.”

“Yeah (y/n), I wasn’t asking you. I was talking to Annie. Besides, you’re probably going to fail this.” Adrian scoffed. 

“Thank you for asking, Adrian,” Annie shot a pointed look at you, “at least someone cares.”

The bell rang, signifying the start of your second block. You felt like you had a lump in your throat blocking your breathing. If Adrian, one of the smartest kids in your english class, said that you were going to fail, then you probably were going to fail. That would take a huge hit on your grade, this project was worth a quarter of your final grade after all. You were zoned out for the entirety of your classmate’s presentations putting yourself into a spiral. You jumped when Mr. Todd, your teacher, called your group up to present.

You stood stiffly in the middle of your two groupmates and clutched your flashcards with clammy hands. Luckily, your part of the presentation was not first. When it came to your part, you were stuttering and tumbling over your words. You even dropped your flashcards in front of everybody, causing half the class to snicker. Your face burned as you hurried to pick them up and your other groupmate took this as a signal to continue the presentation. You still had an important point to make that was integral for the set up to your other groupmate’s part of her presentation. You stared at your flashcards for the rest of the presentation. 

When the bell rang, you made a mad dash out of the classroom. You didn’t want to talk to anybody, especially not Adrian or Annie. It was a relief that you had your lunch period at the moment. You could hide yourself in the bathroom nobody used and let your panic attack ride itself out. 

You ducked inside a stall and sat on the toilet, bringing your knees up to bury your face in them. The tears and panic you were holding in all day let itself out with explosive effects. You started to hyperventilate as you muffled your sobs with your knee. Your chest painfully clenched so you couldn’t breathe. Your limbs felt like they weighed two tons each and they were shaking intensely. You didn’t hear the end of the lunch bell ring. By the time you calmed down slightly, you were five minutes late to AP world history. 

You packed your stuff up in a hurry, power walking through the halls. You probably looked like shit, but you didn’t care, you had a class to get to and a test that you probably wouldn’t be able to finish now. You lost ten minutes of your test time. When you tried to open the closed door, you found that it was locked. You had to knock if you wanted to get in. You raised a shaking hand to knock, but the door was opened by a less-than-impressed Ms. Osborne. She ushered you to your desk and gave you your unit test. 

You couldn’t focus. The multiple choice section was usually a breeze to you, but you couldn’t comprehend any of the questions. When you could comprehend them, you couldn’t concentrate on choosing an answer. You did your best to find the correct answers, but you were almost positive that at least half of them were wrong. Your handwriting was nearly incomprehensible and your essay topic was something you didn’t study for. When you were done with half of the body paragraphs, the bell rang and you had to turn in your unfinished test. 

You had your independent online psychology course next in the library. You usually worked alone secluded in a corner deep inside the library where nobody went. You would get some solace in being alone. Maybe you’d calm down enough so that you could ride home with your brothers and not go for a long walk so you could avoid them. 

You settled down in the comfortable chair and pulled out your laptop to get started. Psychology was your favorite class. It was easy for you to understand, it didn’t have much of a workload attached to it, and it was fun to learn about. It always calmed you down reading about the intricate workings of the brain. 

By time the day was over, you got most of your psychology work done and you were on your way to the car you shared with Technoblade and Wilbur. You took out your spare keys and slumped against the window in the backseat. You were absolutely drained after your terrible day and you still felt panic swirling deep within you, waiting for the right moment to strike. 

You stretched out your legs across the seat and leaned your back against the door. For the first time that day, you felt peaceful. You still had at least fifteen minutes to yourself until your brothers would start to make your way to the car. You felt the panic subside slightly and you fully relaxed. You closed your eyes and let yourself drift off into a light sleep. You needed your energy for tonight’s match. 

The door you were leaning on swung open and you tumbled backwards smacking the back of your head against the metal frame of the car and reverse scorpioning onto the pavement. Your entire upper back and the back of your head exploded in pain and your lower back hurt slightly from having your back bent uncomfortably. You heard laughter above you as you felt tears of pain start to slip out of your eyes. Your legs swung out from their place above your face and landed on the ground with a painful thump. 

You saw three blurry figures above you laughing at your pain. You reached up with a shaky hand to wipe at your tears and saw Adrian, Sammy, and Annie. They were cackling as you shakily stood up and sat on the comfortable seats of the car. You waited patiently for them to calm down. 

Eventually, Sammy calmed down enough to explain what happened to you through chuckles. “I’m sorry (y/n), it was just too good to resist. You should’ve seen your face.”

She and the others broke back into uncontrolled laughter as they remembered your embarrassing fall. You were used to their antics, and quite frankly it felt good to make your friends laugh, even if it were at your own expense. Just as they were calming down once again, you saw Wilbur and Techno walk out the front doors of the school laughing at something the other said. Annie and Sammy heard their laughter and quickly turned around to watch them. They had massive crushes on both of your brothers, many in the school did. 

Your brothers made their way to your shared car and stopped to look at you in slight confusion. “(Y/n), were you crying? What happened?” Wilbur asked worriedly. 

“Yea-”

“Oh Wilbur, it was terrible, (y/n) fell out of the car. I don’t think she closed the door before she leaned on it.” Annie interrupted you with a faked concerned tone, a complete contradiction to her reaction before your brothers came.

Techno hastily made his way to the driver’s side door. “Well, if she’s hurt we better get going, right Wilbur?”

“Yes! We better get going, please excuse us.” He sat in the passenger seat and closed the door without hearing Sammy and Annie’s desperate attempts to stop them so they could talk to them. Your brothers thought Sammy and Annie were annoying. They absolutely hated being around them. 

Waving apologetically at your friends, you pulled yourself into the car and closed the door. Annie and Sammy looked offended that you had let Wilbur and Techno get away from them. Avoiding their eyes, you looked down at your tightly clasped hands. They were shaking slightly. 

After pulling out of the parking lot, Techno glanced at you from the rearview mirror. “You ok (y/n)?”

“Yeah, my back just hurts and I have a headache.”

“Well, do you wanna go and get some ice cream? We still have some time left before we have to pick up Tommy and Tubbo. Dad doesn’t have to know,” Wilbur asked you.

You sighed, you wanted nothing other than to take a nap before your match. “Sorry, but I need to watch what I eat today. We have semifinals tonight and I can’t have anything sugary. I just wanna go home and take a nap.”

Your brothers were quiet for the rest of the car ride until you reached your driveway. Techno twisted his body around in his seat to look at you after he put the car in park. “Did you actually fall out of the car?”

Shit, should you tell him the truth? If you did, they would almost certainly get mad at your friends. Sammy and Annie would never forgive you if you turned your brothers against them. You decided that you would take one for the team again. “Yeah, I wasn’t paying attention.” 

Techno snorted. “Well, that was stupid,” he jokingly said. “Next time you’re gonna get run over by a parked car.”

You knew that he meant that as a joke, but it still stung. Stamping your emotions down, you laughed with him and Wilbur. It was stupid of you to do, you shouldn’t have let your guard down if you weren’t at home. 

You winced as you slung your bag on your back and walked the best you could back into your house. Your upper back was killing you. You made a beeline to the bathroom and rummaged through the medicine cabinet looking for some pain relief pills. You took some and shambled off to your room to take your well earned nap. You set your alarm’s setting to its loudest volume and passed out. 

You jolted up and gasped when you felt a wave of pain hit your upper back. You blearily looked at the time. You had a little under two hours before you had to get back to the school for your match. You groaned when you pulled yourself up, your head pounding with every turn. You pulled yourself out of bed and once again took some pain pills. You went downstairs to grab an apple or something to eat. Your dad was at the stove stirring something around in a pot. 

He turned to look at you with an excited smile. “You ready for your match tonight? You’re gonna kill it!” 

You only nodded halfheartedly and plopped yourself down at the table with your apple. Philza frowned at your lack of enthusiasm, but he figured that it was just because you just woke up from a nap. You’d bounce back eventually. 

“Wilbur told me that you fell out of the car? How’d you do that?”

You shrugged, wincing slightly as it moved your back slightly. “Dunno, must’ve not closed the door.”

Philza was at your side in a hurry, his hands hovering over your shoulders. “Did you get hurt? Show me where it hurts.”

“My back and the back of my head.”

“Can I move your shirt so I could look?”

“Sure, go ahead.”

You felt him gently pull the neck of your t-shirt away from your body to peek at your back. You heard his breath hitch as he looked. Was it that bad? “Good god (y/n),” he breathed out.

“What, is it bad?”

“Don’t you feel how bad it is? Your entire back is bruised. I think there’s some blood too.”

“Damn.”

“First, language. Second, that’s all you have to say? Aren’t you in pain?”

“Yeah, but the pain pills are gonna kick in soon. I’ll be fine.”

“Would you be able to play tonight? I really think you should sit this one out.”

“No, I’m playing tonight Dad.”

“(Y/n),” oh no, he was using his stern dad voice. “It’s not a good idea to play tonight. You’re hurt, I’m sure they’ll understand if you sit this one out.”

You felt frustration rise up in you. “We’re in the semifinals. They need me, I’m the main setter. They’d lose without me playing.”

“(Y/n), I’m serious. You’re not playing today.”

“Dad, I am playing today. Look, I’ll talk to Coach Williams to see if I could be rotated out more often. I know she’d let me.”

He stared at you for a while before sighing. He knew there was no convincing you. “...Fine. But you better talk to Coach Williams about sitting out for a bit if your back hurts too much or I swear I’ll drag you off the court myself.”

You smiled a little at the small victory. “Thank you! I promise I’ll sit out if needed.”

He quirked an eyebrow at you. “If needed?”

You sighed, “when needed.”

He walked over to the pot, stirring the contents slightly. “That’s better. Dinner’s almost ready, I made some pasta.”

“It smells good, but I think I’m skipping out on it for today. I already ate this apple and if I eat any more I’ll probably hurl on the court.”

He made a displeased noise in the back of his throat, “fine, but you’re eating something when we get home tonight.”

He walked off to go get your brothers and Tubbo for dinner. You could hear their booming steps racing down the stairs towards the kitchen. They raced into the kitchen and almost crashed into the back of your chair. You stood up and looked at the two excitable fifth graders. “Careful boys, don’t want you getting hurt.”

“You’re no fun (y/n),” Tommy whined.

“Sure, sorry bout that,” Tubbo beamed at you.

You chuckled, making your way upstairs to get ready for your match. You took off your clothes with great difficulty and slipped on your jersey and your spandex shorts. They were way too short for your tastes, but you couldn’t wear longer ones, they’d just get in the way. You fondly remembered how your dad flipped out when he first saw you in them, he hated them with a burning passion. He still hates how short they are.

When you were struggling with pulling your hair back into a tight, sleek ponytail, the back of your head throbbed continuously with pain. You most likely bruised your scalp. 

You slipped on your shoes that were made specifically for playing volleyball and headed downstairs. You were met with Tommy and Tubbo jumping in excitement seeing you in your uniform. They loved going to your matches, even if they would always pass out in the car after them because matches usually ended late at night. You grabbed your dad’s keys and headed to his car. Before you could lead the boys out the door, Philza’s voice stopped you.

“(Y/n), coat.”

You huffed, grabbing your coat and putting it on before tossing him his keys. You four got into the car and set out for the high school. The short drive was filled with Tommy and Tubbo asking you questions about volleyball and encouraging you. “(Y/n), you’re gonna kick their butts!”

“Yeah!” Tubbo cheered 

Despite their voices causing a spike of pain to shoot throughout your head, you laughed at their enthusiasm. It was always nice to hear your little brother and pseudo brother in the stands cheering you on, they were your and your team’s personal cheerleaders. 

Not long after you got to the school, you were stretching with your team on the gym’s floor. Your posse found their way into the stands, sitting in the front row. The away team watched your team like a hawk, analysing every single player for any weakness. It was because of them that you tried to not show any pain when you moved your back. You talked to Coach Williams before the team stretch and she was obviously sympathetic with your situation. She agreed to switching you out with the standby setter every few rotations. 

The echo of the whistles caused pain to ring in your head every time someone scored or a foul was called. Your team captain, Haley, was constantly, yet discreetly checking on you throughout the game since she was always next to you. She was the team’s main spiker after all. 

The game droned on and on before you realized that the opposing team was targeting you when they were offensive. They probably realized that you were injured a round ago. You tried your best to block every ball that was sent your way, but a few managed to slip past you when you couldn’t move fast enough. This team was good, but your team was better. 

The score during the final round was tied and the clock was on it’s last ten seconds as the ball soared your way. You dove to hit it, landing on your shoulder on the hard floor and hitting it up high enough for Haley to spike the ball down. The crowd went wild as the ball bounced off from the opposite end of the court almost simultaneously with the screeching of the referee’s whistle, signifying the end of the game and your team’s victory.

You laid on the floor in pain, you thought you must’ve pulled your tender muscles in your back and shoulder. It hurt to move it. You felt one of your teammates grab your hand to yank you up into a giant full team group hug. You yelped slightly in pain as you felt arms press against your back and hands firmly patting your bruised shoulders. You were whisked away into the locker room to change into the pajamas you brought with you. 

“(Y/n), are you alright? That was a pretty hard fall.” Haley’s soft voice asked you. You felt your heart sing in your chest. 

“Yeah Hales, I’m fine. I just pulled a few muscles.”

Her perfectly shaped eyebrows furrowed together, “are you sure? As your team captain and your friend, I’m worried about you.”

You couldn’t help the smile that spread across your face. You felt warm knowing that she cared about you. “I’m sure, worrywart.”

She rolled her eyes playfully and breathed out a soft laugh. “Sorry for asking, grump.” Her laugh sounded like music to your ears. 

Your phone vibrated in your pajama pocket, alerting you of your family waiting for you in the car and for you to hurry up. You sighed, “sorry Hales, I gotta go. Dad’s getting impatient.” 

She gave you a small smile. “Oh, well, tell your family I said hi! Good work on the court today, I wouldn’t ask for a different setter.”

You felt your cheeks warm up and you watched with wide eyes as she left the locker room. Your phone vibrated again, your dad was really starting to get impatient. 

You walked out of the school as fast as you could to find your dad’s car waiting for you up front. Jumping in and softly closing the passenger side door, you slumped against the window. “(Y/n),” Tommy’s tired voice slurred. “That. Was. Pog…”

You glanced back to see him and Tubbo snoring away in their seats. Your match was more exciting than usual, so that must’ve really tired them out. You chuckled, turning back around to lean against the window. You took care not to put any weight on your shoulder or back. 

“(Y/n), you were amazing out there, but why did you dive for that ball? That fall looked like it hurt.”

You hummed tiredly, “thanks Dad. I just did what I thought would win us the game. We’re going to finals!” You quietly sang. 

“Did you hurt your shoulder?”

“I actually don’t know, but I think I might’ve pulled a few muscles. Nothing too bad.”

“...I scheduled a doctor’s appointment for you tomorrow morning during your first and second blocks. I want you to get your back, shoulder, and head looked at. You looked miserable the entire match.”

You sighed, too tired to argue, “mmk.”

He chuckled before the car fell into a comfortable silence. The gentle bouncing of the car and the subtle hum of the engine was lulling you to sleep. Your eyelids were drooping by the time you pulled into your driveway. 

You drug yourself out of the car and into the house, leaving Philza with the sleeping boys. You walked straight to your room and plopped down on your bed, passing out instantly for the second time that day.

Series taglist (comment if you want to be added):

[hxt1b]

Let’s Just Let it Go

Doyoung x Reader 

Genre: Angst, some fluff (it’s there I swear) CollegeAU (HockeyPlayer!Doyoung) 

Warning: MATURE CONTENT/DARK THEMES, drinking (drink responsibly please), SMUT, swearing, TW sexual assault. 

WC: 11k 

Song Rec: when the party’s over by Billie Eilish 

Accompanying Stories: As Long As I’m Here, Isn’t It Lovely All Alone. 

Masterlist 

Hockey AU Masterlist 

A/N: You do not have to read all the stories to read this one. You can read this as a standalone, however reading the other two will give a better understanding of the backgrounds of the characters so if you do read all I’d suggest reading the other two first. However, by all means this can be read independently you will still understand the plot and everything without reading the other two. Lastly, please excuse the grammar, I read it over but still some things may have slipped through.

“You keep condoms in your wallet?” You asked looking up at him. Doyoung’s head was swimming, but then again that much alcohol would do that to you. 

“Would you rather I didn’t have one right now?” he asked his words slurring. You shook your head. Doyoung smirked returning his attention to opening the packet and putting the condom on. He pushed you into the wall again, grabbing you from the back of your thighs forcing you to wrap your legs around his waist as he pushed into you. 

“Fuck,” He grunted as he began to move in you. To be honest, Doyoung didn’t remember your name, he had asked, but he couldn’t recall. You’d met a couple of hours ago in the packed club, Doyoung was seeing double of everyone by the time his eyes landed on you, keeping his steps stable was a feat as he made his way over to where you were dancing, drawing you in however wasn’t that hard. You were just as drunk as him. 

Your arms looped around his neck as you filled his ears with breathy moans. Doyoung was so far gone, his mind was empty as you tightened around him. A few more thrusts and he came, letting his head fall into your shoulder as he did. You stilled against him; he didn’t really know if you finished. But he was too drunk to care. After getting his breathing to even out slightly he pulled out of you. 

“Well,” He said as he carefully took off the condom, “Thank you I guess.” He looked around the bathroom locating the garbage can and tossed the used condom into it. With that, he left the bathroom not looking back at you. He was still stumbling seeing two of everyone one that passed by him. 

He laughed to himself as he ran into a chair. But it was better this way, he didn’t remember anything this way. Kim Doyoung could successfully say that he had just wrapped up the most unmemorable summer of his life. Unmemorable because he was drunk throughout the entire thing, but it was okay because not once this summer did Doyoung think about the girl that cheated on him. Not once did he think about Yuta, the man that he looked up to. The one that slept with his girlfriend. Nope, they didn’t even cross his mind. 

But they did. 

Every damn day. 

---

“Get up.” The voice pounded in Doyoung’s head and a hand reached out and shook him. He grumbled. Slowly opening his eyes, he glared up at Kun. He watched as his friend rolled his eyes at him. 

“We have practice.” Doyoung pulled his blanket over his head, he shouldn’t have drank last night. “Come on.” 

What a new kind of hell he’d entered. He’d told himself that once the hockey practice started, he’d be fine. He wouldn’t drink, Yuta had managed to graduate, he’d avoid his ex, the campus was big enough. He could still avoid his ex, she wasn’t even on campus yet. Only the athletes were here a month before everyone. But the not drinking once hockey started, that didn’t happen, so he told himself when the semester started, and today after practice the semester started, he would have to stop drinking and his ex would be back. 

He groaned again throwing his covers off of himself and getting up. His head ached with each step he took towards the shared bathroom. They had moved, this house was bigger but they still needed to share a bathroom, well at least Ten, Jaehyun, Jungwoo and himself did. Kun upon stepping into the master room with the huge en-suite pulled his new captain status on them and took the damn room. 

“You’re just waking up?” Jaehyun asked him, as he passed the younger boy in the hallway. Doyoung didn’t respond just walked past him keeping his head down.  

Getting into the bathroom he looked at himself, taking in his appearance, he had a huge hickey on the side of his neck, how he got it was a slight blur to him. He remembered flashes of the night only. His hair was sticking out into a million directions he looked awful, he looked sick. Looking away from himself he grabbed his toothbrush and got ready for practice, he was gonna need a gallon of coffee. 

Hockey was an escape, he could be as brutal as he wanted on the ice, he was itching for a proper game so that he wouldn’t have to hold himself back he couldn’t bang up his teammates. He needed a game. 

Well, it was an escape until the new guy opened his mouth. 

“Hungover again Kim, why am I not shocked?” Doyoung sneered at the man lacing up his skates as he walked into the change room. His hands clenching into fists at his side, but he didn’t reply, because he was hungover, and this guy was the only one that called him out on it. Because he was the only one that didn’t know. Yet, it didn’t make Doyoung hate him any less. 

What kind of a nickname was Winwin anyway?

Rolling his eyes Doyoung dumped his stuff into his cubby taking his gear out and getting ready for practice. 

“Ignore him,” Kun said from his left. 

“I am,” Doyoung replied. 

On the ice, Doyoung couldn’t deny the new kid was an ace, why he transferred to their school he couldn’t say. He used to play for the team that they lost to last year, one step away from the cup. But that school had a killer roaster, this kid being one of the beasts on it, but here he was. Skating towards Doyoung with the puck. Their coach was ending this practice with a scrimmage, the hockey season would be starting in a few days and the coach claimed that this would re-charge everyone’s competitive sides because this was their season. 

He let him get close before he began his chase, letting Winwin come to him before blocking his path he hit him into the boards. It wasn’t a hard hit, but it was a hit. They both lost the puck as Winwin bounded off the plexiglass and slammed his hands into Doyoung’s chest. 

“What the fuck man?!” He asked. Doyoung shrugged, their coach was yelling as he skated over. Kun already there grabbing Winwin as he glared at Doyoung. 

“What on earth are you doing kid?” The coach barked at Doyoung. 

“Sorry I just got into it.” He said not feeling sorry at all. Maybe he wasn’t doing the best job of ignoring him. 

“Apologize to him.” He mentally scowled, he didn’t appreciate being treated like he was a toddler. 

“Sorry.” 

“Okay get off the ice, shower. Practice is over!” 

“Dude you gotta relax.” Ten said skating next to Doyoung. 

“Why the fuck do they even call him Winwin?” Doyoung’s irritation was evident “I fucking hate the guy.

“It’s because he fucking Wins, they use to call him their lucky charm ‘Winwin.’” 

--- 

Loneliness was a part of life that you accepted long ago, it was something that just came with your life. Your parents were rich, and they shouldn't have had kids, because they couldn’t give two shits about the two children they had. So, loneliness wasn’t an issue for you not until the reality settled in that this wasn’t loneliness it was abandonment and that was a hard pill to swallow. Looking around your dorm you took in your roommate's side it was decorated in whites, it kind of hurt your eyes but you weren’t going to say anything. It was better than being stuck in an apartment with your brother. You felt bad when you left him alone in the huge penthouse seeing as you were the reason that the two of you were here. But you couldn’t take it there anymore everything reminded you of the fact that your parents didn’t care about you. 

Your phone rang pulling you away from the anger that was bubbling up inside of you at the thought of your parents. Being replaced by a growing laugh as you looked at the caller ID. Your brother. 

“Hello.” You answered. 

“Want to move back yet?” He teased. 

“No, I do not I actually like it here.” You replied getting off your bed and beginning to pace your room. He laughed, the sound making you smile. 

“I was just teasing. I called to ask if you wanted to get lunch together today?” He asked. You frowned. 

“Sicheng, you aren’t eating with your teammates yet?” Your tone not hiding your disappointment. 

“No,” he replied curtly. 

“Be nice to them, be friends with them.” 

He ignored you, “So are you going to eat with me or not?” 

“No, I’ll be eating with my roommate.” You answered as she came into the room, she smiled at you having heard what you said, and you smiled back. Despite her obsession with white, you actually really liked her. “Speaking of whom, I gotta go now.” 

“Fine.” 

--- 

By lunch, Doyoung was starving, having not had time to eat after he showered in the change room. His stomach was grumbling loudly when he took his seat next to Kun at their table in the cafeteria. 

“You know I’m shocked by how good the cafeteria food is here.” Mark, a first-year rookie, said drawing the attention of the table. 

“Yo same, people complain a lot about cafeteria food I was actually stressed.” Hendery another rookie agreed.  

Doyoung nodded, “We lucked out.” 

“Yo Winwin, come sit here!” Kun yelled from next to Doyoung making him turn his head in the direction Kun was yelling in. Winwin stopped in his tracks and looked over at the table. Doyoung glared at the side of Kun’s head, but Kun ignored him. 

“Be nice,” Kun muttered to him as Winwin sat down across from him at the only empty seat on the table. Doyoung did his best not to scowl. Doyoung retreated into his own brain as the table continued to chat. He focused on the broccoli on his plate. He didn’t dare look around the cafeteria. 

Fuck looking at the insufferable cocky bastard in front of him, he was afraid he would see his ex. Ever since practice ended in the morning he was on edge; he didn’t want to run into her in a hallway again he was afraid because he didn’t know how he’d react. He wanted to say he wouldn’t care that he’d just walk by her and maybe he would, but he felt like he wouldn’t the risk was too high. 

“So, the party is at our place on Friday to kick off the year, that way we can celebrate the four rookies joining our team, along with Winwin coming to us this year and our boy Jungwoo finally hitting the ice in a game,” Jaehyun said, as Doyoung finally tuned back into the boy's conversation. 

“So, you’ll come Winwin?” Ten asked. Doyoung looked up at him frowning, the younger boy played with the fries on his plate as he nodded. 

“Yeah, I’ll come by.” 

“Cool bring friends if you want to.” Ten said smiling at him. 

--- 

Doyoung made it to Friday without a drink, and then he thought about how he promised himself he wouldn’t drink when the semester started. He then re-evaluated his choice and edited his promise, he wouldn’t drink without cause this semester, and a start of the year party was cause. Was it not? The boy in the mirror smiled back at him as he held his cup up to his reflection in a cheers before downing it. 

It was most definitely cause. 

Leaving his room his body already buzzing he skipped down the stairs, straight into a girl. You.  Doyoung looked you up and down, taking in the tight jeans you had on. He liked the way they made your ass look. He also really liked the baby pink top you had on. It was clinging to you like a second skin showing off your assets. Doyoung smirked down at you, for some reason you looked familiar. 

“I’m sorry about that.” He said and you scoffed. 

“Whatever.” 

Doyoung stared at your back as you walked away confused at the reaction he gleaned. He’d never been bad with chicks or at least he thought he wasn’t. He looked over at your friend who shrugged at him before following you. 

His house was full of people he didn’t know, and some he did. But he was at ease, this was one place he knew that his ex wouldn’t show up. So, with a quiet laugh to himself, he followed you into the living room. You were standing beside Winwin. He leaned against the wall and watched you interact with his teammate; the interaction was friendly. From the way you reacted to him it was easy to see that the two of you were close. 

“What are you looking at?” Xiaojun, another first-year rookie, asked coming up next to him. 

Doyoung replied by nodding his head in the direction of the pair, and Xiaojun nodded. 

“His sister is hot, isn’t she?” Doyoung froze as the words left the youngers mouth. Sister.

And then it came to him, the image of you pressed against a bathroom wall, with your dress pushed up as he moved inside you. Doyoung mentally facepalmed as he remembered how he left you. Turning away Xiaojun, Doyoung moved out of the living room and into the kitchen. He went straight to the cabinet where Jaehyun kept his good liquor. Pulling out a large bottle of tequila Doyoung looked around for a shot glass. He turned around and straight into Jaehyun himself. Jaehyun looked at him with a ‘what are you doing’ expression on his face. 

“I will buy you more.” Doyoung simply said finally locating the object he was looking for. Bringing the small glass over to his spot he poured some for himself. Jaehyun watched him as he tipped his head back downing the alcohol not even flinching at the burn. 

“Whoa,” Jaehyun said as Doyoung went to pour himself another one. “Aren’t you trying to like drink less or something?” 

“I slept with Winwin’s sister.” He quickly replied taking the next shot. 

“Just now?” Jaehyun asked taking the shot glass from Doyoung after poured himself another shot. 

“No. Last week.” 

“Dude what the fuck.” 

“Dude what the fuck indeed.” Your voice cut into their conversation making them both snap their head towards you. Leaning forward you took the full shot glass from Jaehyun’s hand and drank it. 

“I didn’t even get to finish.” You said after the burn in your throat subsided. Doyoung flushed as the memory of how he left you in the bathroom flooded his mind. Jaehyun looked at him a shocked expression on his face before he broke into a smile. Doyoung could tell he was trying not to laugh at him. 

He scowled in your direction taking the shot glass from you before pouring himself another shot. Jaehyun took it before he could drink it. 

“Slow down,” Jaehyun said the previous laughter gone. Doyoung rolled his eyes and moved to walk away from you and Jaehyun. 

“You know,” You said moving into his space. The two shots he’d just taken hadn’t quite hit him full force yet. “up until you ran away from me, I was actually having a good time.” Your chest brushed his as you leaned further into him. Doyoung narrowed his eyes but didn’t back away from you. 

“Too bad you don’t actually know how to make a girl cum.” You pulled away from him taking the shot glass again. Doyoung glared at the side of your head as you poured yourself another shot. He looked past you meeting Jaehyun eyes again, the boy flat out laughing this time. 

“I do, in fact, know how to make a girl cum.” He said. You scoffed. 

“I wouldn’t know.” You replied and threw your head back taking the shot. You shot him a wink before walking away from him. Jaehyun only laughed harder when Doyoung looked at him again. Sneering at the younger boy he reached for the shot glass again. 

“No,” Jaehyun said grabbing it before he did. “Pace yourself, Kun will slaughter you. You promised.” He regretted speaking to the new captain sometimes, he regretted telling Kun so much, but he did need help keeping himself in check. Doyoung rolled his eyes at Jaehyun before walking away. 

For the rest of the party, he couldn’t get his mind off of you. You stuck to your brother and your friend for the majority of the party and Doyoung didn’t like to interact with him more than he already needed to. Taking his eyes off you as you laughed at something your friend said Doyoung looked around the living room, Kun and Jaehyun weren’t anywhere in sight. He could only spot the rookies as they played beer pong in the corner of the room. Getting up from his spot on the couch he made his way into the kitchen again not seeing any of his roommates. Taking his chance, he made his way to the cabinet pulling it open and grabbing Jaehyun’s Tequila again. Your words pounding in his head as he took a shot straight from the bottle. 

“Getting shit-faced as usual,” Winwin said coming into the kitchen. Doyoung didn’t look at him as he took another swing. 

“How about you mind your own business,” Doyoung said and brushed past him back into the living room taking the bottle with him. His eyes narrowed in on you as you swayed to the music. Doyoung wasn’t in the mood of arguing with Winwin but if he had been he would have claimed that this was nothing compared to how his drinking usually went. He hadn’t had more than a couple of sips of Kun’s drink after the shots he took in the kitchen until now. Walking up to you he caught your attention, your eyes landing on the bottle he held in his hand. 

He let you take it from him as he leaned into the wall. He watched you take a drink some of the alcohol flowing out the corner of your mouth. 

“Where did your friend go?” He asked as you wiped at your mouth. 

“Home. She’s not really into parties.” You replied. Doyoung watched as you licked your lips passing him the bottle back. But he didn’t want the alcohol. His mind running as he took you in, his mind flashing to the night last week. 

“That’s a shame.” He replied. Your eyes darkened as he reached out and pulled you to him. “So, you're just here all by yourself now. Hanging out with your brother.” His hand moving to the side of your neck as he looked down at you. You let him, biting your lip as you looked up at him. 

“There’s nothing wrong with hanging out with my brother.” You replied. 

“No there isn’t except that you aren’t hanging out with him right now, are you?” You frowned up at him and then looked around the room. Doyoung followed your gaze, Winwin was still in the kitchen. Doyoung smiled to himself as you turned your eyes back to him. 

“It’s a good thing I came when I did.” You snickered at his words. 

“Is it though?” He rolled his eyes at you. That was it, he could not go down in history with this shit on his name. 

---  

You crashed into his door, your back stinging from the impact but you ignored it as his lips returned to yours. His lips were rough, moving against yours at a bruising rate, you loved it. His hands were roaming your body pulling at your clothes. 

“Bed.” You breathed against his mouth. He chuckled at you as he grabbed your hands holding them above your head as he continued to kiss you. 

“You don’t get to call any shots babe.” He said, his mouth moving from your lips to your jaw, leaving a start mark on your skin. You moaned tilting your head to give him more space, he took the chance to leave soft kisses down your neck towards your chest. His hands letting yours go as he lowered himself down your body. 

He looked up at you as he got on his knees, his fingers grabbing at the buttons of your jeans before undoing them. You watched as he undressed you, leaving you naked from the bottom half as you stepped out of your jeans. Doyoung licked his lips as he grabbed your leg draping it over his shoulder. 

He pressed a wet kiss to the inside of your thigh, your breath hitched as you watched him. Your hand moving to his hair. He moaned softly when you tugged on the strands pulling him towards your wet heat. He pressed a kiss to your clit, using his fingers to separate your folds, relieving some of the tension that was boiling up in your body. You moaned when he darted his tongue out, a short lick. Before retreating again and looking up at you. Your eyes glassed over as you pulled at his hair again. 

He obliged again, licking up your slit slowly, dragging his tongue through your wet folds. He groaned into you, the vibrations causing you to shiver. Your head fell back against the door and he took your clit into his mouth, sucking slowly. His tongue ghosting over it. You moved your hips against his mouth wanting him to add his fingers. But your words were lost on you, only nonsense flowing past your lips as he picked up his pace. Your moans grew louder as you drew closer, your eyes closed shut as you chased your climax. 

His name rolled off your tongue as your back arched off the door. The muscles in your body tightened, as you clambered for a better grip on him. You felt his teeth gently nip at your hard nub and you crashed over the edge, your orgasm taking over your body as you pulled at his hair. He continued his ministrations, working you through your orgasm. Your body was in overdrive as you came down, a lot more sensitive than you previously were. You pulled at his hair again pulling away from you, he scowled up at you as you finally looked down at him. His lips were red and wet. He grabbed your hands as he got up. Pulling you to the bed. 

He let you lay down, as he rounded the bed going to his nightstand. He pulled out silver handcuffs. Your breathing shallowed as you took in the steel in his hands.  

“No more touching me.” He said as he placed a knee onto the bed leaning over you. He grabbed your hands bringing them up to his headboard. He closed one handcuff around your wrist the cold metal making you hiss as it came in contact with your skin. He looped the handcuffs around one of the metal rungs on his bed before bringing the other one to your other hand locking you in. 

He took a second to look down at you, before leaning down and kissing your swollen lips. You moaned into him, his tongue brushing against yours, you could taste yourself on him and it was driving you crazy. Your thighs already moving against each other as your body reacted to him, more moisture pooling in between your legs. 

“I probably should have taken this off first,” Doyoung said pulling away from your lips. His hands moving under your shirt pushing it up off you leaving it around your hands, he did the same with your bra. 

“But then again, you’re not the most attentive to details, are you?” You teased, he narrowed his eyes at you pinching your nipple, earning a soft cry from you. 

“I wouldn’t be saying shit like that right now.” He threatened, lowering his mouth to your breast. You gasped as he took your pointed nub into his hot mouth, swirling his tongue around your nipple before letting it go. He glanced up at you before trailing wet kisses over to your other breast and doing the same thing there. You squirmed underneath him, clenching your thighs tightly as you got worked up again. He pulled back from your chest looking down at your closed legs, a chuckle leaving him as he looked back up at you. His eyes dark, his pupils blown. 

Adjusting so that he was between your legs he hovered over you, leaving marks on your collarbone. You hissed moving against him, you could feel his erection through his jeans. You rolled your hips into him savouring the small amount of friction you were getting until he grabbed your hips and pushed them down into his bed. You groaned against his mouth as he pressed his mouth onto yours, his tongue pushing against yours. 

Finally, his fingers connected with your core, he slid a finger into you using his thumb to rub your already abused and sensitive clit. A loud moan left you again as your wrists pulled against the handcuffs, the metal biting into your skin. 

“Faster please.” You whined trying to move against his hand but not being able to, his hand holding your hip only tightened. You’d most definitely have a bruise there tomorrow. He picked up the pace. He kissed you harder as he added another finger, his tongue mirroring the actions of his hand as he propelled you towards another orgasm, your body seized up again, muscles tightening as you arched up into him. Your orgasm came faster this time, having already been worked up from the previous one. You panted against him as he pulled his fingers out of you, you watched biting your lower lip as he took his fingers into his mouth, sucking them clean. 

“I’d say you’d agree, I’m actually great at making women cum.” 

--- 

You walked into the cafeteria the next day for lunch, the hockey team as per usual was in their typical spot. Your brother sitting in the middle talking. You smiled as you neared the table coming up behind Doyoung. Kun smiled at you as you looped your arms around Doyoung’s neck. He stiffened for a second before turning his head to look at you, only relaxing when he realized it was you. 

“Your dear brother is right there.” He said to you quietly. 

“My brother doesn’t dictate who I fuck.” You replied pressing a kiss to his lips. Doyoung narrowed his eyes at you as you took the empty seat next to him. For some reason, you were really bold around this man, something you hadn’t been in a long time. You looked across the table feeling your brothers’ eyes on you. You smiled at him before turning back to Doyoung, but Doyoung was looking past you. Trying to get his attention but failing you followed his gaze, seeing a girl who was also staring back. You recognized the girl as your neighbour. 

“Do you know her?” You asked finally getting Doyoung’s attention. He didn’t reply just pulled your chair closer before snaking his hand around the back of your head and pulling your lips to his. You kissed him back with the same desperation he displayed only pulling away when you needed to breathe. Kun whistled as you wiped at your lips, when you looked at Doyoung he was looking past you again. You threw a quick glance over your shoulder to see the girl gone. 

“Doyoung?” 

“My ex.” He answered you as he turned to his food. 

---  

Sitting in your room as Sena, your roommate and you waited for your next class you replayed the way Doyoung had reacted in the cafeteria.

“Sena,” you started looking over at her, “you said you stayed in this dorm last year too?” Sena nodded turning her attention to you. “Did you have the same neighbour?” 

“Yeah, why?” She asked, now putting her pen down and turning her full attention to you. 

“Her and Doyoung used to date, right?” Sena sighed her eyes moving around the room as she realized what you were asking. 

“Yeah, they did. She cheated on him though. I would hear them sometimes, mostly Doyoung, but it was painful to hear. One night. He begged her to let him in for hours and she just left him out in the hall. It was all over campus too, she slept with his teammate. Yuta.” 

You bit your lip as Sena turned back to her book, you didn’t know how to react. Being cheated on was a horrible thing but to have it happen with someone as close as your teammate. 

“Fuck a teammate that doesn’t know the first thing about being a decent human.”  

Your brothers’ words floated into your head. You were confused about how people could just so easily trample over others. You thought about Doyoung’s face at lunch, how quickly he shut off after seeing his ex. Your mind floating to the dark places you tried very hard to hide from as you remembered the last party you’d gone to at your old university.  

“Crap Y/N we have ten minutes until class let’s get going,” Sena said as she scrambled to get her stuff together. 

---

You saw Doyoung again after class, he was walking across the parking lot to his car. He hadn’t seen you yet but you smiled as you decided to make your way over to him, it was weird that you enjoyed his company only because besides fooling around nothing else had really happened. You made it to his car before he did. So, you took the extra free time to stare at him, you took in the way he scrunched his eyes against the autumn sun, the way the breeze blew through his hair. 

“Doyoung!” You blinked your eyes away from him and moved your eyes in the direction of the call. You saw your neighbour again, you quickly looked back at Doyoung as he froze, stopping in his steps. You watched as his hands tightened into fists at his side and his chest rose and fell with deep breaths. He ignored her and continued in your directions towards the car. 

“Hey,” You said softly catching his attention. His head snapped to yours as he unlocked his car. He didn’t smile at you just nodded. “You going home?” he nodded again taking his bottom lip between his teeth in a manner that showed he wasn’t happy. 

“Get in.” He said as he yanked open his door. You obliged, pulling open the passenger door. You threw a glance over your shoulder. She was still standing there; you couldn’t help but sneer as you ducked into his car. 

He was silent as he pulled out the parking lot, his hands holding the steering wheel tightly causing his knuckles to turn white. You leaned forward and looked at the side of his face, you stared, because he wasn’t even turning on the radio. 

“Uh, you're being weird.” He said as you tilted your head more and moved closer to his side. 

“Am I?” You asked, he furrowed his eyebrows and pushed you back taking one hand off the wheel. 

“Tell me about it.” You said settling back into your seat, “Just say what’s bothering you it’ll help and I swear I won’t judge you.”  

He stayed silent and you sighed. 

“It can’t be worse than not knowing how to make a girl cum.” You joked. He scoffed as he glanced over at you again his face fighting a smile. 

“You know that’s not true.” He replied. 

“So, tell me.” You insisted again, “I mean I do know that she cheated on you.” You added bluntly. His barely-there smile disappearing again pushing him back into his silence. 

“She doesn’t deserve this much from you, you know that?” you said as he pulled into his driveway. “This much energy, and time.” He parked the car, but he didn’t move, both of you stayed in your seats not even unbuckling your seat belts. 

“She didn’t apologize, not once.” He was looking down at his hands. “Everyone tells me that she doesn’t deserve my time. She once told me that I didn’t deserve this, but you get what you deserve right? People always say that, what the fuck did I ever do to deserve this?” You shook your head as he spoke. Unbuckling your seat belt, you reached for him. Letting your hands guide his head so that he was looking at you, his eyes were watery and red filled with angry unshed tears. 

“The world does not give you what you deserve Doyoung, the world is unfair, and people are cruel. You did not deserve to be cheated on.” He stared at you, his hands shaking. He blinked his eyes forcing the moisture away before he moved, grabbing your chin and pulling your lips to his. You let him, getting caught up in the way his lips moved against yours, he stole your air. Greedily moving his hands to your hair and you let yours slip to his shirt, holding him close to you. 

He pulled away; his breathing uneven as he looked at you again. 

“Why are you here?” He asked, and you smiled at him. 

“Because babe, contrary to my jokes you can make a girl cum.” 

--- 

Doyoung enjoyed your company, he liked your weird bluntness, your lack of fear of the world but most of all he liked the sex. He liked that you looked at him like you wanted to eat him. He like that he didn’t feel lonely around you. He just liked you. 

“So we're basically friends with benefits then huh?” You asked pulling him out of his thoughts. He looked over at you, taking in the fact that you were still naked on his bed even though you two had fucked over an hour ago. 

“I mean because like if we are I just wanna know if we're the kind that don’t fuck other people or if we’re the kind that do.” He was perplexed by your rambling not expecting you to say this, and he wasn’t sure how to respond not that he got the chance because you continued. 

“I mean I’m not the type to sleep with more than one person like that, not that there’s anything wrong with people who do, I just would like to know if you’re, like you know, sleeping with people other than me that’s all.” 

He smiled at you as your cheeks turned a dark shade of red as you let words pour out of your mouth. 

“I’m not sleeping with anyone else.” He said cutting you off. You bit your lip, trying to hide the painfully obvious smile that was stretching across your face. Doyoung’s own smile only grew as he got up from his desk chair and moved to his bed climbing on top of you. He pressed his lips against yours lightly. 

“Want to go out somewhere today?” he asked looking down at you. 

“Like where?” 

--- 

“An indoor theme park?” You asked your eyes widening as you took in the rides and attractions. “You know in the month that I’ve known you Kim Doyoung, I did not take you for the theme park type.” He smiled at you as you continued to look around your hand reaching for his the more excited you got. 

“Come we have to start with this.” You said and began to pull him in the direction of the roller coaster. “No, wait,” You paused and pulled him in the other direction, “That’s gotta be last.” Doyoung laughed behind you letting you pull him. 

“Doyoung!” You exclaimed in amusement stopping in your tracks as you got excited again. “Look how big that bear is.” Your eyes moved to Doyoung’s face a huge smile taking over your facial expression. He looked down at you, his eyebrow cocked up as he looked down at you. 

“What?” You asked, getting slightly self-conscious as he looked at you. 

“I haven’t said a single word, yet you know that?” He teased leaning towards you. You rolled your eyes and pushed at his chest. 

“Get me the bear, Kim.” 

He didn’t get you the bear, turned out Doyoung sucked at these kinds of games because he tried five times and each time won nothing. You had to drag him away from the stall because if you didn’t, he would have stayed there the entire time. Hours passed as you went on ride after ride and played a couple more games where you did win a small bear, you’d passed it to Doyoung with a teasing remark that had him glaring at you. 

Exhausted you settled into the bench as you waited for Doyoung to come back with something to eat. You smiled at him when he looked over at you as he stood in the line for mini donuts, he winked back at you. A warm feeling settled into your stomach, you didn’t have time to think about it though as your phone began to ring. 

“Hello, brother.” You said happily. 

“Mom and dad called,” he said getting straight to the point, “They instructed that we have to go back for a dinner.” Your heart rate picked up as you processed what your brother had just said to you. You were beginning to feel warm as anger bubbled up inside you. 

“After they kicked us out?” You asked. Your anger coming out in your tone. Winwin didn’t respond. “Fuck them I’m not going.” 

“We have to Y/N, you know we have to.” He said and you hung up on him. Fuck them all. Who did they think they were? Winwin called again and you ignored the call turning your phone off. You didn’t want to deal with this right now. First, they kick you and your brother out over a business deal and now, now they were threatening money. You knew that you and your brother didn’t have incomes you knew that at the end of the day you still needed them. But you hated it. 

You tucked your phone away, looking up at Doyoung as he walked over to you and sat down, you took a mini donut shoving it into your mouth, your mouth burning with how hot it was. You swore as you opened your mouth and took in air to cool it down. Doyoung laughed at you, and just like that the anger from earlier dissipated and the warm feeling you had from before came back. You watched Doyoung as you chewed and he laughed at you, you couldn’t get enough of his laugh. He laughed around you a lot, and to be honest, you lived for it. 

“You’re so dumb.” He said still calming down from his laughing fit. His hand reached out rubbing at the corner of your mouth, wiping away sugar, and you swore your stomach felt like you were on the rollercoaster all over again. 

---

His hands were everywhere, grabbing at everything. Loud breaths filled your ears as he panted around you, your heart was beating a mile a minute in the worst kind of way. You opened your mouth to scream but you couldn’t as he pushed his tongue down your mouth. You couldn’t push him away he was everywhere.  

You woke up with a startle, your body drenched in a cold sweat. You shivered as your mind went into overdrive, your pulse drumming loudly as you turned over in your bed. You took in large breaths to try and calm yourself, to distract yourself from the memory. But every time you closed your eyes that night would come back. 

“No.” You said as Dae swarmed you, backing you into a corner. He was drunk insanely drunk, you pushed at his chest as his hands began to wander up to your thigh. 

He shushed you, his mouth coming down to yours. You shoved at him again turning your head to the side. 

“Why are you being this difficult?” he asked, his hand shooting out and grabbing your wrists. Your mind went blank as his mouth pushed back against yours his tongue pushing into your mouth. His knee came up between your legs. You screamed, and before you knew it, he was ripped off you. Your brother over him, fists were flying everywhere but you couldn’t hear anything over your own hysteria. Your hands were shaking as you pushed out the room and out the house, gasping for air as you tried to calm your breathing. 

 More hands were around you, pulling you towards them but you pushed them away. 

“Hey, hey.” It was Winwin, “I’m here. Let’s go home.” He said. You looked at him, your vision blurry. His lip was cut and from the way, his cheekbone was swelling you knew it would bruise tomorrow. 

You cried harder. 

You opened your eyes again, reaching for your phone. You thought that was gonna be the worst day of your life, but the next day was worse. 

Hitting the call button, you held the phone up to your ear. 

“Hello?” His voice was groggy, you realized that you’d woken him. 

“Doyoung.” You said quietly, “Can you come get me?” 

--- 

You weren’t shocked when he came, but that shocked you. The fact that you weren’t shocked. You could tell he was tired when he pulled up to your building. 

“Sorry,” You said as you got into the car. He shook his head slightly shivering as he looked over at you. 

“Are you okay?” You looked at your hands. You knew you could tell him, you knew you trusted him. You also knew that if you said you didn’t want to talk about it he’d just take you to his house and you’d sleep, but you needed to talk about it. You wanted to tell him. 

“My parents called my brother today.” You started, “They want us to go see them for dinner.” You looked over at Doyoung taking in his reaction, he looked confused, but he didn’t say anything he just listened and waited for you to continue. 

“My parents are complicated,” You continued, “they, well they kicked Winwin and I out at the end of the last school year…” 

Your father was furious the next morning, you’d never seen him this mad. Your hands were trembling in your lap as you listened to him yell at your brother. Your anger rising. 

“My deal fell through because you can’t keep your anger in check!” Your brother stayed silent as well, “Do you understand how much money we just lost, we’re all over the news our family name is ruined. They’re calling you a thug, what the fuck is wrong with you?” 

“He was coming on to me.” You finally said having enough, “H-he was trying to do things when I was saying no!” You yelled getting up. Your father turned his glare towards you. His eyes didn’t soften the way you expected them to. 

“He’s your boyfriend, isn’t he?” He asked his voice cold. Shock ran through your body at your fathers’ words. A business deal really meant more to him? You looked up at your mother who looked away from you. You blinked back tears as the rage in you rose again, you looked over at your brother who looked equally as shocked. His anger on his face. 

“You two need to get out of my house. I have to show the world that I don’t support your stupid behaviour and there will be consequences. You both are going to a different school and I will send you a fixed fund and pay for your tuition, but you will not stay at my house. I do not want to see your faces.” 

Doyoung listened intently as you told him everything, your hands fisting into your sweats as your anger rose inside you as you spoke. You couldn’t look at him though, you looked out the window. 

“And now you have to go see him because if you don’t, he threatens to not pay for anything?” Doyoung asked. You nodded still not looking at him. His hand reached out and grabbed your arm, but you flinched. His hand instantly shot away from you. 

“Baby, look at me.” He said keeping his hands to himself. You slowly turned your head to him; his face was angry. “That motherfucker that did that to you can rot in hell and your dad’s a greedy bastard. I’d say fuck it and don’t go but I understand why you have to.” He hesitantly reached for you again, this time you leaned into his reach taking his hand and pulling him towards you. “I – I can go with you if that would make you feel better.” He said. 

You’d done a lot of things to help you get over the incident, one of those things was trying to find a guy at the bar and fuck him, to prove to yourself that you had control over your own body that what happened with Dae, and your dad did not need to take over your whole life. That you did what you wanted, and you had control over what you wanted, you didn’t regret it either because somehow it got you to him. You pressed your lips to his kissing him slowly. You didn’t understand what you felt for him, but you knew that there was something because when you were around him you felt warm and safe, and free. 

---

You didn’t take Doyoung with you, but he told you that he’d have his phone on the entire time and that you could call him whenever. Getting out of your brothers’ car you both looked up at the huge house that you both use to call home. 

“I fucking hate him.” You mumbled to yourself and you both made your way up the few steps to the front door. Winwin pressed the doorbell and you both waited only a few seconds before your mother pulled the door open for you two. 

“Hello,” She said a tight smile on her face. “Please behave today, your father has put a lot of effort into making sure this day would come to be.” You were confused, you looked over at Winwin who mirrored your reaction. Effort into getting the two of you here? 

Your confusion vanished when you followed your mother into the sitting from and saw him. He sat there with a smirk, his body relaxed as he leaned back in a high back chair. His father sitting on a couch beside his mother. You looked around the room for your father, he was already looking at you with a fake smile on his face. 

“Welcome home kids.” 

--- 

You followed your father into his office, Winwin at your heels, he’d ushered the two of you to follow him as a deafening silence filled the sitting room for ten minutes as you all stared at each other. Your hands were sweating so much that you had to wipe them on your dress every few minutes. You were glad the dress was black. 

Your mother had finally ended the silence by announcing that the dinner was ready. Your father had ushered you after him the moment everyone had gotten up. 

As Winwin closed the door of the office you glared at your father. 

“What is th-”

He cut you off, “You will apologize to them after dinner, both of you. They agreed that the deal could be back on if you apologize.” You both balked at him. He didn’t allow either of you to speak before ushering you out of the room again. Both of you were too shocked to move still processing what your father had just said to you. When neither of you moved, he did, swinging open the door and walking out. You stared at your brother as he glared at the spot his father was standing in. 

“Fuck that.” He said and stormed after your father, you scrambled after him. 

“I don’t know what you thought was going to happen at this dinner, but the last thing we’re going to do is apologize to that fucking rat,” Winwin said stopping at the head of the long table as your father turned around and glared at him. The room was silent everyone staring at Winwin with wide eyes, even you were shocked. 

“And your inheritance? Your funds? Don’t forget your place kid. You will apologize.” Your father replied calmly. Your brother was fuming, taking a step forward until he was standing right in front of your father. 

“Fuck you and fuck your money.” 

Your father snorted. 

“How do you think your gonna afford your life boy?” 

“We’ll figure it out, we don’t need you.” You finally said taking your brother's hand and pulling him with you. You both left the large dining room, taking hurried steps towards the front door, both itching to be out the house. You pushed the front door open and walked out. 

“Go to the car,” Winwin said unlocking his car for you, “I have to grab something.” You nodded not questioning him and made your way to the car. 

You opened the door and got in, but someone caught the door as you pulled it. Dae leaned down into your space grabbing your face in his hand. His mouth a fraction away from yours, your nose was assaulted with the strong cologne he overused. 

“You think that you won?” he asked, “You didn’t, now you’re a broke bitch with nothing to your name. You’re a nobody.” You shoved him off of you kicking his shin as you did. He swore and let go of you backing up. He chuckled. “I heard about your new toy. I heard you suck his dick like a real whore would. So, it’s just me huh? It’s only a little bit before he gets bored of you. You aren’t enough and you never will be.” 

He slammed the door shut as Winwin bound out the house. You watched your brother as anger took over his features again as saw Dae

“See you on the ice motherfucker,” Dae said slamming into Winwin's shoulder as he passed him. 

“What did he say to you?” Winwin asked as he got into the car. You shook your head and looked away from him. 

“Let’s just go.” 

--- 

Three days and Doyoung hadn’t heard from you he’d called and texted only to be ignored. His head was spinning, he was feeling crazy. You weren’t his girlfriend, but he was losing it. His head ached as he stared at your contact. He felt lonely again his mind drifting to every place it shouldn’t go, every insecurity he’d developed lapping at him as he sat at the kitchen table. What happened? Did he do something wrong? Was it a mistake to tell you that he’d go with you? You hadn’t taken him after all, you hadn’t called him after and when he had called you, you’d ignored him. That awful feeling of abandonment hit him hard, his heart hurt and he couldn’t explain why. 

He got up stalking over to the cabinet and pulling out Jaehyun’s alcohol again. He didn’t need a shot glass he just opened the bottle and took a swing, the liquor burned as it made its way down his throat. He didn’t give himself time to think before he drank more. 

He wasn’t going to go see you, one because he couldn’t do that to himself this time not again, he couldn’t beg like he had with his ex. He also realized that he didn’t have a single clue where your dorm was. That realization also hurt because he’d let you into his life every inch of it, and the moment he found out something dark about you, you shut him out. He closed his eyes as he took another swing, no rational thought entering his mind as he did so. 

“Why do they ruin all my good places?” He muttered to himself as he grabbed his keys from the key holder, stumbling towards the door. 

“Hey what the fuck, Doyoung are you drunk?” Ten’s voice caught his attention as he opened the front door, cold hair hitting him as he did. 

“I mean I don’t know.” He replied, his words kind of slurring. Ten furrowed his eyes brows at him rushing to him as he did. 

“Were you going to drive?” He asked. 

“I mean maybe. I don’t know.” He replied. 

Ten narrowed his eyes at him and took his keys. Doyoung rolled his eyes and glared down at the boy. 

“Well fine then you gotta drive me, okay?” he said and grabbed Ten's arm pulling him out the house towards his car. 

“Why are you drunk on a Wednesday Doyoung, I thought you stopped this.” Ten said, Doyoung could sense the judgement in his friends’ words. But he’d expected it. His vision blurred as he leaned back into his seat, his head spinning from the alcohol. He closed his eyes and laughed. 

“Ten my man, it’s because I’m a fucking loser and everyone leaves me.” His head fell to the side as Ten started the car. 

“Take me to the indoor theme park.” He said and then laughed, “because I’m a sucker for a bad time.” 

A couple of minutes later Ten was parked in the parking lot, but the theme park was closed. Doyoung just nodded his head as Ten told him leaning his head into the window. 

“Did you really like her?” Ten asked, his voice soft. Doyoung shrugged. 

“Not that it matters now.” But he did, the answer was yes. He liked you around him, he liked your laugh, your smile, the ease you gave him. He liked that you spoke too much practically all the time and never really thought about what you were about to say. He liked how you made him feel, he liked that you didn’t make him want to drink. He liked you. 

Ten frowned, staring at Doyoung. 

“I’m not back to drinking like before,” Doyoung said quietly, he wasn’t able to look at Ten. “I just – I’m not back to drinking okay?” 

“Okay.” 

“Give me a couple of minutes and then we can go.” Ten nodded at Doyoung’s words and turned up the music. 

--- 

Doyoung was pissed, it had been a week and honestly, he didn’t give a fuck anymore, or at least he liked to tell himself that. He kept his word and didn’t drink, but that just meant that he was always angry, especially angry whenever he looked at Winwin. 

“We’re playing against your old school huh?” Doyoung heard Jaehyun ask Winwin. The other boy only nodded as he got into his gear. Doyoung ground his teeth and continued to get dressed. He wanted to be out on the ice bad, his blood was pumping, he needed to let the anger out one way or another. 

Halfway through the game, Doyoung was drenched in sweat, but his anger was coming down as he let himself be taken away by the sport. Adrenaline pumped through him as the whistle blew starting the third period. The other team got possession and Doyoung focused on defence. He kept his mind blank as he played only thinking about the game, Jungwoo checked the player with the puck, the puck going astray. Doyoung took his opening and claimed the puck, skating as he looked around for an open teammate to pass to. Seeing Winwin open he sent the puck down the ice in the same second he was slammed into the plexiglass. His ribs ached from the hit he slipped onto the ice and looked up at the guy who’d hit him, for some reason he was hovering over him still. 

“How are my sloppy seconds?” He asked, “The prude give you blue balls yet?” Doyoung’s head spun as he slowly got up, he was used to hits so his usual recovery time wasn’t this slow but, then again, he never was hit this hard. “But then again I heard that she sucks your dick like a prostitute.” But he wasn’t slow to understand what this fuck was saying. Taking his gloves off as he got up, Doyoung swung at the other man. His hands shoving him hard in the chest, before skating after him and grabbing his jersey. Doyoung didn’t think he just began to punch him, he was shoved back his helmet coming off as the other boy took his own helmet off. 

“Fuck you.” Doyoung spat, as the boy charged him, he got one good hit in. Straight to Doyoung’s jaw, before the refs were on them. Winwin was in front of him in seconds grabbing him from the ref. 

“Relax.” The younger boy said as the ref ejected both Doyoung and the other guy. 

“Let me go.” He said and shook Winwin off of him as he skated off the ice and went straight to the change room. 

--- 

He was under the spray of the shower when you walked into the locker room. The steam was filling the locker room, making the air hot as you quietly walked in his direction. He saw you before you spoke his eyes darkening as you leaned against the wall. 

“Doyoung.” You said his name softly, earning a glare from him. You deserved it; you’d let Dae’s words get to you. But now looking at him, taking the way he winced under the hot water the darkening bruise on his ribcage, the cut on his lip. You frowned. 

Dae was wrong. You looked at Doyoung, you knew whatever happened on the ice was because of you, and he’d done that even when you’d ignored him. 

“I’m sorry,” you said and took a step towards him. 

“For what? Ignoring me?  Or fucking with my head?” You didn’t reply just walked towards him, slowly getting under the water and letting your hands trace over his ribcage, your fingers skimming over the growing bruise. 

“For everything.” You said, letting your hand move up to his wet hair. The water soaked into your clothes as you pulled him into you, he let you. His arms looping around your waist. You looked up at him watching his face soften as he took you in. 

“Why’d you ignore me?” he asked. His breath fanning across your face. 

“Someone told me I wasn’t enough for you and I believed them.” Doyoung’s hands tightened, you closed your eyes and pressed your forehead against his. “I let my head get carried away with every insecurity I’ve ever had.” 

“I’m glad you came to your senses.” He said, his hand moving your shirt up so that his fingers could trace your skin. He pressed his lips to yours kissing you slowly as he moved your wet shirt up your torso. 

“Don’t ignore me next time.” He said moving his lips to your jaw, “Come talk to me instead.” You nodded and pulled out of his hold. Pushing him to the wall you ripped your shirt off over your head and quickly took off your pants. 

“Promise.” You said, “but we don’t have that long until the game ends.” looking up at him through hooded eyes, you pressed yourself against him again, you kissed his jaw, before moving down to his collar bone, taking the skin onto your mouth you gently bit it before running your tongue over it as he hissed. You kissed down his chest to the side of his ribcage pressing hot kisses down his wet skin. Until you got to his erection, he was hard and ready for you. You squatted down taking him in your hand as you looked up at him, he looked at you through half-lidded eyes as you slowly moved your hand up and down his length before pressing a soft kiss to the head. He groaned before letting his head fall back as he tangled his hand into your wet hair. 

“Babe,” He moaned as you took this tip into your mouth swirling your tongue around before moving him further into your mouth. Your hand working the rest of his cock as you continued to slowly move down on him. 

You stopped when Doyoung removed his hand from your hair and grabbed your wrist, you looked up at him again. His chest was heaving, and he looked at you like he was ready to devour you. 

“I love it when you give me head, but we really don’t have time for that.” He said moving himself out of your mouth. He pulled you up to him, his mouth joining yours again and his fingers trailed to your core. 

“So wet.” He said dragging a finger through your fold. Pulling his hand away from you he turned you around before turning around himself, your front against the cold wall, you moaned at the contrast. 

“Don’t take too long.” He said and lined himself up at your entrance. You moaned when he sank in his hands grabbing roughly at your ass before he started to thrust into you. You arched your back as you clenched around him, his cock twitching in you. 

“You’re so tight.” He moaned, his hand grabbing at your shoulder as his thrusts became harsher. You heard the buzzer of the game, indicating that the game was over. Your moans grew louder as the idea of the entire hockey team rushing in hit you. 

“Fuck,” Doyoung groaned his thrusts growing harsher, as you neared your climax. “You gotta cum now, pretty girl.” He said his arm winding around you so that his fingers could rub your clit. The added pressure pushed you along until your orgasm smashed into you. You moaned loudly as Doyoung continued to thrust into you, your muscles twitching around him pushing him to his climax. 

“Fuck, fuck, fuck,” He panicked as he pulled out of you, using his hand to reach his orgasm. “We forgot a condom.” You turned around pushing his hand away and working him with your own until he came. You pushed your lips against him, both of you breathing erratically as you kissed. 

“What am I going to wear to get out.” You asked him pulling away from him. You both looked at your wet clothes. 

“I have an extra hoodie here, and I can look in Ten’s cubby he’s probably got sweats that will fit you.” 

He didn’t finish his sentence as the boys crashed into the locker room. Your eyes widened mirroring Doyoung’s. He quickly yanked you pulling you towards the line of toilet stalls. He shoved you in as the boys barked at each other not noticing the two of you yet. 

“Sorry stay here.” He said shoving his towel at your chest. 

“Dude why are you walking around naked?” You heard Mark ask as you wrapped the towel around yourself. 

“Because I can.” You hear Doyoung mumble back, his tone irritated. 

--- 

“You guys take forever in the change room.” You complained as Doyoung walked with you to the dorms. 

“My coach would have killed us.” He stated as he pulled you into him. “I’m sorry though that’s the only thing I could think of.” 

“Whatever it’s okay.” 

“So, I finally get to go up to your dorm huh?” He asked, and you nodded. 

“I would have brought you sooner, but I have a roommate who never leaves our room. I love her but damn is she anti-social. Getting her to that start of the year party was hard.” You explained as the two of you climbed the stairs. Doyoung looked at your ass as you walked up in front of him. It was hard not to. He was glad to hear that the reason for not seeing your dorm was because of something simple and not what he’d actually made it into in his head. You rounded out the stairwell pushing the door open into the hall of your floor. Doyoung froze as he realized what floor you lived on. A floor he’d been to many, many times last semester. 

“Doyoung?” He heard her voice before he saw, and dread set into him again. He snapped his head towards her direction as your hand slipped into his. His ex was staring at him, her eyes slightly wide as she took in his profile. The cut lip, the slightly swelling jaw. He frowned at her. 

“What?” He asked his voice cold. 

“Uh, what happened to you?” She asked. 

“None of your business.” He replied. She nodded. He watched her as she swallowed and hesitated again. He tightened his hand around yours again. 

“Uh yeah. D-do you think I could talk to you in private for a second?” she asked glancing over at you. 

“Whatever you have to say you can say in front of Y/N.” 

“Yeah, okay sure, you know I – I realized I never apologized to you.” She finally said. Doyoung was shocked, he was silent for a few seconds. He wasn’t sure if he heard that right. He was only snapped out of his daze when you tugged on his hand lightly taking his attention from his ex to you. You looked up at him with a soft expression on your face, you looked so wholly his. The way you were looking at him his heart clenched as he looked back at his ex. Somewhere along the way, he realized that he didn’t care about his ex anymore, he didn’t miss her or want her back. He was hurt sure but that was fading too. He knew he wanted to hear this and here it was, and it felt like he was being freed. 

“I forgive you.” She nodded her eyes filling with water. Doyoung turned away from her taking you into his arms. 

“Now show me where your room is baby.” He said smiling down at you. You smiled up at him and nodded pulling him with you towards your room. 

“It’s nothing special.” You said as you pushed the room door open. He didn’t look around as he closed the door behind him. Just pushed you onto your bed, kissing you. 

He wasn’t gonna let you get away from him. 

Not that you were planning on going anywhere.

A/N: Thank you so much for reading this, I really hope you guy enjoyed it! Please let me know what you guys thought, any opinions or comments you have on the story are very much welcome I love to hear from you guys so please don’t hesitate to let me know what you think. Additionally if you have any constructive criticism don’t  be afraid to let me know, I always want to get better so its welcome and appreciated. 

The next part to this AU will be Winwin so please look forward to that! and once again thank your for reading I really hope you liked it! 

[thiswasinevitableid]

for the meet uglies, 55 indruck sfw? sorry apollo

Here you go! For those wondering, Apollo originates in my Amnesty Super Hero AU

“Okay sir, I’m gonna say this as nice as I can.”

Indrid looks up from his drawing of some mushrooms. The ranger, a man about his age whose little bronze name tag reads “D. Newton”, has the look of someone choosing his words very, very carefully.

“You are this close to me writin you up. And I mean this. Close.” He puts his thumb against his finger.

“I, is this not allowed?” The log he’s sitting on is technically on the trail, just next to it.

“This ain’t the problem. It’s everythin you done since this morning that’s the problem.”

“I-”

“First there was leavin your breakfast trash on the picnic table by the visitor center so chipmunks got into it--it’s real bad for them y’know, makes ‘em too bold--then there was the selfies on off-limits spots, then you had the fu, uh, freakin nerve to be rude to Juno when she asked you to stay in safe areas, you littered left and right, then you left a beer can in the reeds by the plover nestin’ grounds. I don’t even know where to start with that one; you know we don’t allow alcohol in the park. Campgrounds sure, but we don’t want fellas like you gettin drunk and then fallin off a rock. How can you be so careless, or not give a shit for a place people put time into protectin?

The smile that’s been spreading across Indrid’s face since the word “selfie” is wide enough that the ranger spots it.

“Man, if you think this is funny, you won’t when you’re too drunk to swim or run from a bear. Then I’m gonna have to bail your ass out, which I will, and you’re gonna eat a slice of humble pie big as that overinflated ego of yours.”

Indrid snickers. The ranger glares. Slowly, Indrid pulls back the hood of his sweatshirt and retrieves his glasses from the front of his shirt (he doesn’t wear them when drawing in color due to their red lenses). The other mans expression slides off confusion and tumbles into horror.

“Aw hell, I’m sorry sir. Thought you were your, uh, well, guessin you got a twin runnin around this park.” He pulls the brim of his hat down in a charming attempt to hide his face.

“I do, and this is far from the first time I’ve been scolded in his place. Less so since I dyed my hair” he indicates the artificial silver framing his face, “I’m mostly amused by how accurately you captured his orientation towards the world. It’s also bitterly funny to discover he made someone else's day as unpleasant as he made mine.”

The ranger studies him, seems to notice the creases by his eyes and mouth, “Seem a little old to be gettin forced into family time. Not that you look old. Just, uh, I mean, you might be younger than me, hard to tell with the hair, uh, yeah.”

Indrid points in the direction of the beachside campsites, “The Cold Family Reunion can only be begged off so long.” His phone dings, the reminder that it’s his turn to help his aunt with dinner, “speaking of which, I should pack up.” He quickly gathers his supplies, sends the other man a final smile, “thank you for the laugh, Ranger Newton.”

“You’re uh, you’re welcome. And tell your twin to throw his damn trash away.” He smiles as he says this, suggesting a joke, but Indrid resolves to remind Apollo of his manners anyway.

----------------------------------------------

The fog caresses the coastline, hiding the dawn entirely. Indrid pulls his hood up against the chill, the wooden bench and viewing deck damp from the weather. He’s not going back to camp until he’s captured the sight before him; dozens of fishing boats on the dark water, their lights beautiful and soft against the grey world.

Sandy gravel crunches to his right, and then Ranger Newton appears. He keeps glancing at Indrid as he writes something indecipherable on a clipboard.

“I’m the nice one.” Indrid says in response to the quick, searching, looks.

“Thank fuck.” He turns so they’re actually looking at each other, “guess we’re both on the early shift.”

“Normally I wouldn’t be, but the cold and quiet is preferable to my twin snoring. I brought my own one person tent, but then my aunt and uncle had their monthly argument and she needed a new place to sleep.”

“That was mighty kind of you.”

Indrid shrugs, “Not really. I just want to get through this reunion with as little conflict as possible.”

“How’d you end up on this thing? Said you couldn’t get out of it but-”

“I just moved to town a month ago. Turns out this is a place my parents have always wanted to visit. Not enough to see me, mind you, or refrain from criticizing my choice of towns, but enough to host the reunion here so I had no escape. And if I want to eat with the family, I have to spend the night in the camp and not at home. And since money is tight after moving, well..."

The ranger whistles, “Damn, that’s rough. But uh, since you live in town you’ll actually get to see this place in nice weather.”

“I’m looking forward to it.” He shivers, “though I enjoy the cold when I can be in my nice little apartment. In a tent, not so much.”

“If you get a good sleepin bag or good company, gets a lot better.” The ranger smiles, then looks at his notes, “sorry, that ain’t appropriate talk around a visitor.”

Indrid meets his green eyes, “If you have recommendations for either, I’m all ears.”

A gust of wind carries salt spray all the way to the platform, Indrid shivering as it mists his glasses.

“Here” the ranger holds out his hnd, “I gotta go open the visitor center; nice and warm in there.”

“...Could you possibly come back in ten minutes? I’d like to finish my sketch.”

“Sure, won’t kill me to check on the tide measures while I’m out here.” He tips his hat and soon Indrid sees him winding down a path to the beach. Eleven minutes later he’s back, telling Indrid about a huge starfish he saw.

On the walk to the visitor center, he learns the “D” on his nametag is for “Duck,” that he’s a transplant from West Virginia, and that they’re actually the same age. When Indrid explains that he’s a tattoo artist who sells his drawings on the side.

“You’ll appreciate this, then” Duck bends down to roll up his pant leg. Indrid appreciates the view and the well executed geometric tree tattoo on his ankle.

“Juno and I got ‘em together. Had to go with the ankle because I already got some on my arms. Can’t show those off right now though.”

“My, my, Ranger Newton, you’ll flash a scandalous ankle at a guest but not take him to the gun show?”

Duck laughs, the sound like the mating call of a strange tropical bird; absurd and enchanting.

“Glad you’re in town to stay, Indrid. Think you’re the kind of fella I’d like to get to know.”

----------------------------------------------

Maybe he’s being childish. It’s not wrong for Apollo to say he’s making their father proud, that he’s successful, that he’s a golden boy of his field.

It’s just obnoxious for him to do this the one time their extended family expressed Indrid’s professional accomplishments. With that smile, the one Indrid knows for a damn fact he had fixed, that tone, that, that….

That voice sounds familiar.

He reverses course, takes the path he passed by that points towards the amphitheater. What he gets is more a firepit with a small stage, but standing at the center and addressing fascinated families is Duck.

Indrid sits on the rickety bench furthest from the stage, lets Ducks explanations of night blooming plants and the creatures that pollinate them drown out the echoes of family dinner. When the program ends and the parents shepherd their children off with instructions for bedtime and brushing teeth Indrid stays, not ready to leave but not intending to attract Duck’s attention.

He gets it anyway.

“Enjoy the talk?” Duck stays two steps down from him, rests a foot up on the bench, “this one is always real popular; when it gets warm, the little animal rehab place south of town brings education animals in. Y’know, bats and owls, stuff like that.”

“I’ll have to come back to see them.” The thought of seeing bats up close excites him, but he’s too tired to sell the emotion.

Duck frowns, “You okay?”

Indrid shakes his head, tells him about the constant comments, the threat of living forever as the family disappointment, a threat he can deal with until he’s around them all. Then he’s right back to being seventeen and afraid of failing them.

“....Apollo’s always been the golden boy, ruthless and goal focused like our father. He always knows just what to say to get under my skin and dig out the scar tissue,” Indrid sighs, “All I wanted tonight was to roast marshmallows and go to bed early.”

The ranger moved from the steps to the bench beside him as he told his story. Now, Duck looks at him, smile more soothing than the thrum of the distant waves, “I got an idea. Guessin’ you don’t gotta tell your family where you’re goin, right?”

“No, most of them will assume I’m off sulking and Apollo will hope I’ve fallen off a cliff.”

“Then leave ‘em to be their shitty selves and come home with me. Uh, not, not-not like that, fuck, like what you’re thinkin, uh. Fuck. What I mean is; I got a fireplace and some marshmallows. You want in?”

Indrid watches the dying fire flicker of the curves of his face, thinks back on the last week. The ranger has been a frequent companion, brings him hot cocoa from the little cafe and tells him where he’ll be for chunks of the day in case Indrid needs a break from his family. Last night, all Indrid could think about was wanting Duck to be in the tent beside him.

“Absolutely.”

On the drive over, Indrid points out his apartment complex and Duck points out the best places to eat and the cheapest laundromats. His house is tiny, looks like it was built when the town was a logging hub and not a tourist destination.

“Make yourself at home, it’ll take me a sec to get the fire goin’--uhuh, Taco, stop tryin’ to open that cabinet.” He hoists a yowling, blonde ball of fur on the couch. The cat directs a suspicious look Indrid’s way and then settles on top of the pile of blankets.

“You a s’more man?” Duck calls from the kitchen.

“No, thank you. I prefer my sugar in a single bite.”

“You eat marshmallows in one bite? I’m always worried I’ll choke.”

“I have an accommodating mouth.” Indrid smirks when Duck audibly drops the bag. He’s not always the best with social cues, but if the way Duck kept brushing their hands together on the center armrest in his car is any indication, the ranger is trying to pick him up.

Once the fire is going Duck sits on the rug, patting the spot to his left. Indrid joins him. Caramelizing sugar and increasingly sleepy laughter soon fills the air. Neither of them keep their knees from touching, and Duck keeps dropping his head to Indrid’s shoulder when he giggles. The whole scene is so heavenly Indrid isn’t paying attention to their marshmellow consumption. He reaches into the empty bag and makes a disappointed noise.

“Damn, we really went through ‘em.” He catches Indrid’s eye with a playful grin, “you still cravin’ sugar?”

Indrid licks his lips, “Yes.”

Duck cups his cheek, guiding him into a sleepy, close-mouthed kiss, brushing their noses together when he pulls back to murmur, “That do the trick?”

“Hmmmmm?” Indrid cocks his head, “no.”

The other man guffaws as Indrid pulls him down on top of him, kissing him happily and wiggling his hips when Duck digs his fingers into his hair. His own hands migrate under Duck’s shirts, finding his body just as warm and wonderful as he hoped.

He nips Duck’s lower lip. The ranger growls and Indrid is no longer tired.

“Care to see just how accommodating my mouth can be?”

Duck rolls them twice so they’re a safe distance from the fire, “Hell yeah.”

-----------------------------------------------------------------

Indrid saunters into camp late in the morning, some of the Colds already packing up to depart. His twin is stuck on dish duty, grins like a barracuda when he spots Indrid.

“I don’t know why you’re here. You missed breakfast, and you weren’t in camp last night, so you don’t get lunch or dinner either. May as well skulk back into the shadows.”

“Mmm, yes, I was rather undutiful.” Indrid spots a figure checking campsite permits, who stealthily blows him a kiss, “but at this moment in time, I don’t particularly care.”

[tiny-smallest]

day one - pride

Rating: G Characters: Henry and Bendy Warnings: none Description: Henry reflects on the definition of labels and belonging in certain spaces.

Also on AO3!

---

WHO'S READY FOR THE INK DEMONTH 2021 I SURE ONCE AGAIN TOTALLY WAS YEP DEFINITELY NO LAST MINUTE ANYTHING HERE LET'S GO

Doing writing prompts again because this year has been A Lifetime and I just don't possess the ability to draw this time so let's go let's get stupid get weird enjoy the misadventures of a specific au of of Bendy and the Ink Machine where the toons are their own people in a world they still don't entirely understand and the people who love them who try to help them navigate it.

---

Henry was used to a surprising amount of things to interrupt his day first thing in the morning. Easily numbered in the hundreds. His children were toons; there was no end to the amount of crazy nonsense that they could get into when he was asleep, and that was disregarding the fact that Bendy usually slept until noon.

Sure, he was the Troublemaker In Chief. That did not mean the other two were paragons of holiness, no matter how much Alice tried glowing her halo at him while she and her brother gave him the saddest, biggest, shiniest puppy eyes. And that didn't even take into account how much trouble they could find, no mischief intended.

He'd seen smoldering breakfasts, pancakes on the ceiling, saran wrap around the kitchen archway, demonic rubber chicken noises from a saxophone that had a part replaced with the noisemaker from the novelty prank toy...

(He still didn't regret letting Boris chase Bendy for that one without intervening.)

With all that, being immediately accosted by three toons hanging off his legs the second he came down the stairs and all trying to talk to him at the same time did not magically get any easier to withstand.

"Whatever it is, it's a no until I get my coffee," he drawled as he attempted to walk with them hanging off him, the three of them dragged along with him. It was with quite some difficulty that he got to the kitchen counter.

"But Henry!" Bendy whined, "we only got a few hours to get ready if ya say yes! We need every second!"

"For what?" he yawned, pouring a cup from the machine.

"You don't know what day it is?" Alice was surprised enough to actually let go, and she dusted herself off like the lady she was before standing up.

Instantly something cold grabbed Henry's heart and squeezed. "Uh- no I...?"

Had he forgotten someone's birthday? No, it was summertime; Bendy was a winter 'birth' and Boris and Alice were spring and fall. An anniversary of some kind? Quick think what are you forgetting you useless-

"How!?" Bendy gaped at him from down below. "It's been all over the news fer weeks!"

Well okay now he was just thoroughly confused. "I um-"

"The parade, Henry!" Boris's tail was thumping gently against the floor; he was not trying one tiny ounce to hide his eagerness. "The parade that's today!"

"Parade-?" It took just one more nanosecond of thought before it clicked.

"Oh you mean the-!" And they wanted to go to it.

Well, he shouldn't be surprised. This would be the first parade they'd get to see, wouldn't it? And it was nice weather out. And it would be bursting with color, which the toons were darn near obsessed with.

He took a contemplative sip. They weren't human; god even knew if they had any sort of sexuality at all. Could they even feel that stuff? The urge to- do anything like that? Wouldn't that technically make them asexual? That was the word, right?

Well, human or not, that would solidly mean they belonged there. Queer was queer, regardless of species, right? Hell, even if they'd just started asking themselves those questions, or wanted to support the fans of theirs who fell under that giant umbrella, they were valid for being there.

"Sure, I can take you."

Both boys cheered, lifting their arms to do so and releasing his legs. He quickly took a step away from them, but their joy had them leaping to their feet anyway and he watched as they bounced around the kitchen, slowly draining his coffee and trying to curb his smile when he was actively drinking.

It was a hard task.

Their excited chatter melted pleasantly into the background as he took the time to drink and try to shake his brain awake the rest of the way awake like shaking out an old blanket to coax out the wrinkles. Their enthusiasm always made for the perfect background noise.

"What colors do you want?"

"I dunno! There's so many! I don' even know what label I fit in-"

"I saw you checkin' out that guy the other day don't think I didn't!" The wink and nudge from Bendy sent Boris blushing so hard the poor wolf's face turned nearly as black as his fur.

"I was hopin' you hadn't-"

They were all quick to consume breakfast, and Henry retreated upstairs after telling the toons to come get him when they wanted to leave.

He settled comfortably in the limitless, timeless space of art before reality came knocking with Bendy's distinctive tapping at the door, pulling Henry from the space inbetween something and nothing as he set his pen aside. "Come in, kiddo."

When Bendy stepped in with what was unmistakably a rainbow flag on his cheek and extra face paint he knew he was in for a time.

"Oh uh- what's that for-"

"For you!" Bendy said with a giant grin. "Who'd ya think?"

He rubbed the back of his neck. "Ah well- I uh-"

Bendy didn't slow down. "Anyway the others are about ready to go but they sent me up here to get your flag on while they finish up- now why they trusted me with the paint I got about as much an idea as you but hey I'm not gonna complain-"

"Aw that's- that's sweet kiddo but I sorta figured I'd just be-" How to say this. "Dropping you off...?"

Immediate confusion. "What? Why?"

"Uh well- I mean-" He fiddled with the pen- when had that ended up back in his hands? "You guys- you have a space there, you know? I'm not sure if I-"

There was now a puckered frown on the little devil's face. "Not sure if you what?"

"Well I mean- I don't exactly- belong, now do I?"

The frown multiplied its intensity by about five. "What's that supposed to mean?"

Aw jeez. He really did not want to discuss this with his kid, as much of an adult as Bendy was. For many reasons. "Uh well- you know-" He gestured, as if hoping that would somehow pluck the answer from the air and implant it in Bendy's brain without having to give voice to it, setting the pen down in the process so he’d stop playing with it. "I'm not exactly- I mean-"

"You like guys." Bendy's voice was so sure that Henry knew making any sort of denial was futile. And also kind of stupid. Why would he deny that to his own son? No of course he wouldn't.

"Well I mean- I married a woman, didn't I?" he finally blurted out.

Unimpressed blinking as he drew closer to stand beside the desk. "Yeah they got a word for that. Several actually. Most popular ones are bi and pan, so which colors is it gonna be?"

"No no I mean-" God he was probably blushing. His face definitely felt way too hot. "I uh- I mean I- I like guys, yes-" great brain thanks a ton totally needed that heart rate spiking why are you acting like that's scary this is our kid- "but I- I married a woman- I like women- more often?"

The blinking was now confused.

"Uh-" How to phrase this. "If- if we split it into a pie chart- it's probably like... thirty-seventy in favor of women?" He ran his fingers through his hair and down the back of his neck again. "I'm- not that I'm any great catch but like, if I was in any way qualified to be in the dating pool again, I'd be way more likely to end up with a lady."

The unimpressed look was back. "And?"

It was Henry's look to be surprised. "And- and that means that, you know- I'm not really-"

"You like guys."

"I- yeah?"

"And you're a guy."

"Kind of a given at this point."

"So you're a guy, and you like guys, and just also happen to like girls too. We got names for that." He gave Henry's shirt an appraising look. "Gotta say the bi colors would complement your clothes best. If you want pan colors I'm gonna have to ask you to change. As your official fashion consultant."

Henry snorted. "My what?"

"Listen Dad I love you but I ain't about to let you walk into that parade wearing like, a pineapple hawaiian shirt or nothin'."

Henry banged a fist lightly on the table and pointed at him. "Liar! You wore the exact same thing just the other day!"

"Yeah but that was to the beach, not a parade."

"Literally when have you ever cared about not being a fashion disaster."

"This time, when Alice'll actually kill me otherwise."

"... Okay you got me there."

Bendy grinned. "So, bi colors or pan colors! Or somethin' else? I think there's other ones too."

He opened his mouth, closed it again and then opened it. What the hell. "... Bi colors, I guess."

"Yesssssss I was hopin' you'd say that." He hopped over onto the table like he'd suddenly become a bunny.

"Oh you were, huh?"

"Listen, the pan folks got pretty colors, but I'm always a sucker for a sunset," he said as he pulled out the pallet he needed. Henry sighed and shook his head, the smile ruining his effort to look exasperated.

"Well. Sunset me then, I guess."

"You got it boss!" Bendy said in maybe the worst mafia minion accent known to mankind.

It was barely five minutes of Bendy painting lines carefully on his cheek before he whipped out a mirror.

"Tah-dah!"

Henry blinked at himself in the mirror. He tilted his head, something shifting inside his heart that he had no name for, no way to voice.

The once proud look on Bendy's face was swiftly dropping. "... I didn't mess it up, did I...?"

"No- no, no." Henry tilted his head. "I uh..."

Bendy's worried browlines screamed anxiety to him.

"... I guess I just look good in a sunset," he said quietly, seeing the little corner of his reflection's mouth turn up as if in some sort of hazy dream.

Better than I thought.

[cat-in-a-fedora]

Reunion Falls

I think I found something for the reunion falls au of Gravity Falls on the original creator’s blog. The reblog and like functionalities weren’t working for some reason, and I couldn’t find it in the creator’s archive. I really like this, though, so I’m gonna put it here and give credit.

This was originally on @sailorleo, and I couldn’t reblog it for some reason.

`-i dunno, he’s like, really weirdly clingy, but when we’re together all he wants to do is talk about his band…

-dump him.

-dipper that’s the same advice you’ve given me for every boyfriend i’ve ever had

-then why don’t you ask mabel?

-fine, maybe i will. mabel, what do you-

-no actually i think dipper’s right you should dump him

-teen soos playing with baby dipper and getting all excited when he says his name

-it would work better if stan actually knew mabel was coming beforehand, but just couldn’t work up the nerve to tell dipper until the last minute. by some fluke, mabel arrives a day early, and makes contact with dipper while stan is out.

-stan tells dipper that at the time of his birth his parents weren’t expecting twins, and couldn’t afford to take care of two children at once. he only told the kid they were dead because he thought it might be easier to handle than the idea that his parents didn’t want him.

–

-what are you still doing up?

-’m makin’ a sweater for grenda. she’s bigger than me, so it’s taking longer. you had a nightmare?

-no big deal, it was just an anxiety dream.

-a what?

-it’s like a nightmare, but instead of being scary it just makes all your deepest insecurities a reality. grunkle stan says they’re the brain’s way of reminding you that life could always be worse.

-…that sounds dumb.

-yeah, well, life isn’t fair, mabel.

–

-that corduroy girl out sick today or somethin’?

-what? um, no! i was just, uh… i tripped. on a rock. a lot of rocks.

-oh c'mon, kid, you think i never got the snot kicked outta me in elementary school? i know a fist to the face when i see it. c'mere, let’s fix you up.

–

-what can i do, though? they’re all bigger than me, and if i tell the teacher i’ll just look like even more of a wimp.

-ha! if you don’t wanna look like a wimp, you should stop letting other people fight your battles for ya.

-but i can’t-

-now hold on. i know you can’t, you’ve got about as many muscles as a soggy piece of toast. but one thing i know about the world is that guys who were born bigger, stronger, and smarter are always gonna punch down. and guys like you an’ me are stuck right at the bottom like old gum. so if your wits can’t save ya, all there is to do is punch back up.

-….do you mean that metaphorically, or….

-i was wondering when i’d have to dig these old things up again! …see, kid, all I’m trying to say is, when the world fights, you gotta learn to fight back.

–

-oh, shit. we’re not getting anywhere like this.

-*gasp* dipper!!

-what??

-you just said the ’s’ word!

-so? we’re practically teenagers, mabel. we can swear.

-i have friends back home who won’t even say ‘crap’! you must be getting it from somewhere

-i don’t know what you-

-[wendy enters] AYYYYYY DICKWEEDS WHAT’S FUCKIN HAPPENING

–

-ugh, sorry about all that, man. i don’t know why robbie’s always such an asshole to you.

-you don’t think he’s like…..jealous of me, do you?

-HA! ohhhhh my god. oh my god you’re probably right.

-what, does he think I’m gonna like, steal you away? like he’s INTIMIDATED by me? …that feels kinda good, actually.

-oh man, can you imagine? dipper pines, casanova extraordinaire! refined older women such as myself just….COLLAPSING at your feet!

–

-grunkle stan, um…. where are my parents?

-uhh……….. they died.

-oh…. how did they die?

-they………………died.

–

-you know when you’re wearing just the vest without a sweater you kinda look like……. someone. it’ll come to me

–

-mabel, what did you do to the journal????

-what? you told me to pretend it was my diary!

-i said to PRETEND it was your diary, not actually use it as a diary!! you didn’t mess with the stuff inside, did you?

[cut to: a shot of the interior of the journal, filled with stickers and cute little drawings and tiny diary entries about boys and the like]

-…….nnnnnnnope.

–

-if you’re going to be a monster hunter, you’ve got to have a look.

-hey, i’ve already got THAT covered

-no, i mean a look that tells people you mean business. like what i’ve got!

-what’s more businesslike than a leopard wearing sunglasses?

-i can think of a few things. what about like, a jacket? or…. a jacket? something besides a big fluffy sweater.

-listen dip, we’ve only known each other for a few days so i’ll let you off the hook this time. but first rule of mabel? the sweater STAYS.

-ugh, fine, but you’re gonna overheat. hey, what about this? it’s big enough to wear over a sweater. and it’s got pockets!

-but does it have PERSONALITY?

-you can decorate it or whatever i don’t care.

–

-mabel, have you seen my gel?

-nope. why do you gel your hair, anyway?

-i don’t want my bangs to cover my birthmark.

-can’t you just cut them off?

-it’s part of the look.

-ohhh, the 'look’.

–

-soooooo dipper had a crush on you, huh?

-haha, yuuuuuup. he thought he was being super smooth about it too. 100% convinced i had no idea. oh shit, dude, you wanna see this valentines card he made me when he was like, seven?

-you KNOW i do!

-boom! check it. all the blackmail you’ll ever need on one piece of construction paper.

-oh my gosshhhhhhhhh…..wait,  "love, ty"?

-oh yeah, ol’ dipstick used to go by 'tyrone’ before he was dipper. just between you and me, dipper suits him better. tyrone is too cool for him.

-why’d he switch?

-dunno, really. he used to hate his birthmark, people would make fun of him for it, yknow? and then one day he just started being super cool with it. he like, reinvented his entire image around the thing. you should’ve seen him before that though, always brushing his bangs down over his forehead… well, at least he puts some effort into his appearance now.

–

-FUCK!

-KID!

-oh no.

-where’d you learn language like that?

-i… uh….

–…..wasn’t from me, was it?

-n-no! it was from…. nobody! i mean, you hear stuff around, and-

-WAHAHA! this is great! now i don’t have to keep my mouth shut around ya! and it isn’t even my fault!

–

-mabel, take out the trash

-booooooo!

-…aren’t you going to do what he said?

-sure, just as soon as i finish kicking dipper’s butt!

-i will dance on your grave, mabel.

-but…he’s your uncle. you should listen to him before he gets mad, right?

-pff, what’s ol’ stan gonna do, throw his dentures at me? (don’t tempt me, kid) half the fun of being a kid is not doing what adults tell you to do! consequences be darned.

-…paz, really, stan loves us. he’s not gonna like, hit me or anything. yikes.

–

-dipper, seriously, what the heck happened between you and gideon!

-i told you, nothing! he’s just a creep.

-oh, is THAT why he won’t stop talking about you? even on our dates! it’s WEIRD. ….you two aren’t like, exes or-

-ew, no!

-haHA! you dated gideon! gideon and dip-per sittin’ in a tree, K-I-S-S-I-

-we were FRIENDS, okay?? …sort of. i dunno. it was a long time ago.

-heyoooo my drama senses are tingling! now you HAVE to tell me! deets deets deets!

-uuugggghhhhhh fine

-dipper and gideon have been rivals since childhood, but back then it was on somewhat friendlier terms. they would get each other in trouble, start fights over nothing, ruin each other’s stuff, but they would always walk away with smiles on their faces, like an unspoken pact to annoy the shit out of each other forever. but things started to change after gideon found journal 2. dipper didn’t see him around with the other kids as often. his tactics got nastier. he started “winning” more often. things came to a head after stan started teaching dipper to box. one day when dipper and wendy were hanging out together, they ran into gideon, who took the opportunity to tease them mercilessly. when he started going after wendy, dipper socked him, hard, in the nose. “i dunno. i was really mad, but i think i also just wanted to prove i was strong. wendy was always protecting me, so i wanted to protect her back.” after that point, gideon declared them mortal enemies.

-stan and wendy were definitely elated at the fact that dipper punched gideon. stan probably tried to bake him a cake.

–

DOUBLE DIPPER

“BAM! look out party, this girl’s on a mission! and that mission is to find a summer getaway friend group. woah, huddling crowd of teenagers! that’s perfect!”

-paz is talking with everyone listening when mabel interrupts her. “heyo! guess who’s here, it’s mabel, and that’s me.” “…..that’s great, sweetheart.”

-mabel is really excited to make new friends at the party, but most everyone starts hanging around pacifica. mabel tries to make friends with pacifica but paz rejects her, saying “listen, youre new so i’ll fill you in. it might seem like people like you and are interested in you because youre 'quirky’ or whatever, but you’re just a cheap novelty. around here? i’m the one who matters. nobody ignores pacifica northwest. adoring fans?” paz snaps her fingers and the crowd begins to shove mabel out of the circle until she finally falls on the empty dance floor. defeated, mabel shuffles off to the only people not part of the crowd (candy and grenda) “you too, huh?” “don’t worry. when we burn, we burn together.” paz then steps up to the mic and points at them, shouting “hey everyone, check out this adorable new attraction! it’s the reject corner!”

“aww, we don’t need this. the true merit of a partymaster is knowing how to take the party with you. this calls for an impromptu sleepover!”

-mabel offers to cheer up her new friends by ditching the party and having a sleepover instead, candy remarks that they were planning a post-party sleepover together anyway, grenda says how she stole a raunchy romance novel from her mom- wolfman bare-chest. grenda shows off that the book has a full-color illustration of gerard, candy remarks how she wants one of her own, mabel remembers that they have an old copy machine downstairs.

-“i don’t understand. i’m having fun, but i still feel this burning desire to go back downstairs and make her suffer for her crimes. crimes against friendship and partying.” “hey, i know what’ll curb that thirst for vengeance! theft! look what i stole from my mom’s bedside table!” “grenda, you wild girl! this is perfect!” “and it comes with a full-color illustration! his pecs are holographic!” *all three girls scream* “aah!! he is so rugged and brooding, i want to take him home with me and make him my trophy husband!” “ooh, i think we have an old copy machine downstairs! that way we can all keep the poster! come on girls, let’s go make our dreams a reality!”

-the girls end up bringing gerard to life because fuck the laws of reality, he emerges and says “which of you fair maidens brought me into this realm?” candy points to mabel. “girls, i think the party is back on!”

-“hey, fursuit, i don’t know if anyone told you, but this isn’t a costume party. although that would explain YOUR outfit, mabel”, gerard gets angry and tries to defend her by attacking pacifica. pacifica gets a small scratch on her arm and shrieks “are those REAL claws?!” mabel and candy struggle with gerard and finally subdue him (after he loses an arm to the punch bowl) by stuffing him into a closet. “you can come out after you learn to stop being such a butt!!” candy makes some remark about “at least we didn’t make any more!” cut to grenda either using the copy machine or already surrounded by wolf men.

-after the gerard squad starts running wild at the party, mabel gets an idea. “grenda, they’ve already like, werewolf-bonded to you, right? so if you’re in danger, they’ll come and save you!” “..i know what i have to do. hey northwest, be mean to me!” “ok, ok, just… give me a minute. ….hey circus freak, you’ve got arms like a gorilla and a voice like a wrestler, so it’s no wonder that the only boys interested in you are a bunch of wolves!” “…..pacifica, that was really mean.” “YOU TOLD ME TO!!!”

-maybe have pacifica get on the mic again so all the wolves hear her insult

-“grenda I’m sorry you have the body of an amazonian goddess and a voice like ten angels singing one direction!!” “yeah, maybe if one direction were all chain smokers.”

-the girls use this plan to lure the wolfpack into the kitchen, where there’s a sprinkler system connected to the fire alarm. the plan is that once all of the wolves are present, mabel will signal for candy to pull the alarm. however, once mabel gives the signal, it’s revealed that candy has been captured. “i’m sorry, mabel…. their pecs were just so shiny!” “i’m sorry i dragged you into this, pacifica.” “yeah, i’m sorry you dragged me into this, too.” maybe have them cowering on top of the fridge. but just when it looks like all hope is lost, the sprinklers come on anyway. it’s revealed that the first gerard was the one who pulled it, sacrificing himself to save mabel’s life.

-“you will always be in my heart, mabel pines. and i hope…..that i will be in yours…..”

-“well, pacifica, maybe now that we’ve worked together as a team, we can come away from this knowing that our fighting was petty and pointless, having gained a mutual respect.” “are you SERIOUS? all this proves is that you’re a freak, and your friends are freaks, and even though I’m gonna make sure to stay as far away from your little circle of lost causes as possible, the next time we meet? you’re going DOWN, and I’m gonna make sure EVERYONE is watching.” “……welp! i didn’t gain anything from that! maybe next time.”

-“i’m sorry that all this happened, girls. if you don’t wanna hang out with me after this, i get it.” “are you kidding? that was incredible!” “i feel like my heart is on fire! but in a good way!”

-in the aftermath, the girls (sans pacifica) burn the book. as they watch the illustration of gerard smolder, mabel solemnly says “this ends once and for all.” “….my mom’s gonna want that book back.” “once. and. for all.”

IRRATIONAL TREASURE

-pacifica overhears what the twins are trying to do and tails them, then ends up getting captured along with them

-LET ME OUT OF HERE! I AM A NORTHWEST!

-i thought we just established that doesn’t count for anything anymore.

-pacifica yells at mabel for doing something as stupid as leaving a trail of candy wrappers, dipper interrupts to ask her why she always feels the need to shut people down like that. pacifica tells him that its her duty as a woman of status to let everyone know what their place is. “orrrrrr you just feel so threatened by the idea that you’re not as well-liked as you think you are that you need to make everyone else feel bad about themselves.” “WHAT was that?” “threatened?”

-mabel gets her nerve back and yells at pacifica that why would she ever want to be liked by a stuck-up shallow primadonna like her, and throws a hunk of peanut brittle at her, freeing trembly.

-after returning to town, the twins see pacifica being berated by her parents for disappearing and getting her clothes dirty. mabel feels sorry for her and goes over to explain that oh, it was actually my fault, i was trying to uncover dirt on the northwest family and pacifica stepped up to intervene, and we got into a fight. also we totally didnt find anything to shame the northwests so you can thank pacifica for that too. the northwests then threaten to sue the pines family for hurting their daughter, but paz holds them back, saying something about how it isnt worth it to waste time on poor people like mabel.

-this is the start of mabel and pacifica’s budding friendship, and pacifica’s redemption arc

SUMMERWEEN

-hey, little man!

-oh, hey wendy! ….and robbie.

-so….. chilling in the bushes without a costume on? what’s that about?

-nah, i’d say he’s got a pretty solid 'loser’ costume lined up already.

-i’m just hanging out with mabel and her friends, i guess. this big legendary monster thing says its gonna eat us unless we collect 500 pieces of candy but y'know. no worries.

-sick, dude. and you didn’t even have to go out and find this thing yourself? your sis must be like, a monster magnet.

-yeah, she…really is.

-well, i’d help you with the mission if i could, but i’ve got this whole 'aloof teenager’ thing to keep up, yknow? no trick-or-treating for these old bones. but I’ve got a few extra sweets in my purse if you need some more handouts! we can go find mabel, and-

-NO! i-i mean… no, don’t find her, its ok, i got it, give it to me.

-woah, chill out, you little freak! you’re not HIDING from her, are you? …is everything ok? and don’t say it is, because nobody sweats that much when everything’s ok. not even you.

-……i dunno, it’s like, i don’t mind having her around, but we’re always together and she wants us to do all these “twin” things now and I’m just not sure I’m ready for it yet.

-yeah, i getcha. its gotta be a lot to take in. hey, if you need somewhere to decompress after this whole candy deathmatch thing is over, tambry’s throwing a party at her house in a few. text me when you’re free?

-just try not to dork up the place if you show.

-robbie, if you don’t lay off I’m gonna punch you in the dick.

-i just….. twins are supposed to have this special bond, y'know? like a mind meld or something. and i just feel like i’ve missed so much. things could've….should’ve been different. and i came here because i wanted to make things the way they were supposed to be. i thought like, maybe if we were together we could pretend that its the way things always were and everything was ok. but i cant. its not.

-yeah, i… i’m sorry, mabel. everything just happened so fast, and i couldn’t handle it, and i avoided thinking about it, and….i ended up avoiding you, too. i’ve been kind of a crummy brother so far, huh?

-no, no, i get it…. i’m weird, and this is weird, and you’re one of those weird people who likes to be by yourself. and i understand if you don’t want to be siblings. but… can we at least be friends?

-i don’t see why we can’t be both.

TOURIST TRAPPED

-hey, mabel, i was wondering, uh…… how did our parents die?

-woah, what? they’re not dead! are they?? you’re freaking me out, dipper!

-'sup, hambone?

-oh, hey….. soos, right?

-you got it, lil’ dude! so, what’s eating you? besides the mosquitos anyway. nice, good one soos.

-soos, have you ever tried to do something that you thought would make everyone really happy, but instead it just blows up in your face and everything is awful and it’s all your fault?

-story of my life, dude. probably not on this scale though. just a minor everyday occurrence.

-they probably hate me, don’t they?

-what? no way! i just met you a few hours ago and i can already tell you’re like the least hateable dude I’ve ever met. you’re like if they found a way to combine a smiling puppy with an anime fairy princess.

-but i ruined everything!! that’s what they’ll call me in the history books. mabel, queen of ruining everything. everyone was fine until i got here.

-it’s not your fault, dude. mr. pines had to tell dipper at some point. and dude, if it makes you feel any better, i am PSYCHED to have you here. i was telling customers about it all day!

-thanks, soos, but…. i should probably just go home. maybe if I’m gone dipper and stan can just forget this ever happened and go back to normal.

-you kidding, dog? nothing’s ever normal around here. i know this is like, a huge bombshell, but dipper and stan love each other. they’ll work it out. …hey, my brain just came up with a totally neato idea! why don’t we pitch a tent and have a sleepover out here under the stars? we could swap stories, eat raw marshmallows, and if you still want to go home tomorrow morning you can.

-….only if you’ll try to throw the marshmallows into my mouth with your eyes closed.

-deal.

-hey, mom. yeah i got here ok! it’s great, the woods around here are so cool and mysterious! oh, and i met this really cute guy but he turned out to be a bunch of gnomes under a hoodie. i know!! wild, right!

-h-hey mabel….can i….talk to them?

-…oh, mom, dipper wants to talk to you. is that ok?

-….hi, mo- ..mrs pines. it’s dipper.

-“oh, you must be the friend mabel was talking about! she was so excited to meet you! i hope you two are having fun!”

-yeah, it's…. it’s good to have her here.

-“are you all right, dear? you’re sniffling.”

-yeah, i’ve just got a cold. it’s ok.

THE HAND THAT ROCKS THE MABEL

-mabel sees a commercial for the tent of telepathy on tv and gets excited, pulling dipper over to see the famous “psychic”. dipper is annoyed at best and just groans, expositing that he and gideon have been rivals since they were little. he says he’s been trying to catch gideon in the act of something, ANYTHING, for as long as he can remember, and now with the help of mabel’s journal he’s devised a new theory: that gideon might actually be a vampire! he’s always coated in lotion, has stark white hair, speaks like an old southern man, and it might also explain his psychic powers. but dipper isn’t allowed in the tent of telepathy anymore, and he hasn’t been able to get close to gideon in his personal life. mabel offers to go investigate in dipper’s place, but he warns her that it’s not worth it and gideon is a “creep”, offhandedly mentioning that mabel probably doesn’t have the investigative skills necessary to crack the case on her own. determined to prove herself, mabel goes anyway, in “disguise” as a journalist so she can ask gideon questions when the show is over. during the questioning gideon becomes enamored with her, and when mabel asks if he’s a vampire he flirts around the issue, suggesting that he is simply to win mabel over. it works, and she agrees to go on a date with him.

-mabel takes notes on gideon’s mannerisms in the journal while on dates

-over time, gideon begins to reveal his true colors, and mabel realizes that dating a supposed vampire doesn’t really make up for gideon’s behavior.

-actually i changed my mind about the vampire plot, probably dipper just tries to keep mabel away from gideon because of their checkered past together

BOYZ CRAZY

“….can i confess something?”

“yeah, of course.”

“I’ve never like….. LIKED anyone. I’ve dated plenty of guys, and even a couple girls, but i don’t think i felt what i was supposed to be feeling for any of them. i thought that eventually if i went out with enough people, i would start to like at least one of them, but…. i dunno. I’m starting to think that i’ll never fall in love. maybe i CANT fall in love.”

“well… that’s not the end of the world! love kinda. sucks. especially when someone doesn’t like you back.”

“ugh, that’s what I’ve been doing to all these people! for years! i suck. i keep trying to be like everyone else, but i just end up pushing people away. I’ve lost so many friends…”

“hey, it’s not your fault. robbie’s a turd, you know that.”

“yeah, i guess you’re right… i dunno, you ever feel like there’s something, like, fundamentally wrong with you? like something fucked up in the womb and now you can’t ever be a normal person?”

[dipper pulls up his shirt slightly, looking at his binder]

“yeah. i do”

DREAMSCAPERERS

bill: I WAS WONDERING WHEN I’D RUN INTO YOU! QUESTION MARK, SHOOTING STAR…. AND DIPPER OF COURSE!

mabel: whoa, hey, how come soos and i get special names, but not dipper? that’s not fair!

dipper: uh, mabel, that’s not really-

bill: THAT IS HIS SPECIAL NAME, KID! ALWAYS HAS BEEN. HE JUST ADOPTED IT A LITTLE EARLY IS ALL.

dipper: wait, what?. you…you were the one in my dreams? all this time, it was YOU?

-new scene-

dipper: it’s just… the name was a big part of my like, identity, yknow? i thought it was so cool and special and for the first time in my life i was starting to feel NOT like a freak. i thought i was being cool but i was just doing exactly what bill wanted! [pulls his jacket over his head] aaaargh, what have i been doing all this time?!

mabel: di- …..bro, listen to me. your whole like, supreme tough guy monster hunter thing? it’s PRETTY silly. but that’s what i like about it! it’s all you, and you own it! and nobody chose to make you like that but you! and you didnt choose the name dipper because bill told you to, right? that was still all you. so, i don’t know. even if the guy who made it up turned out to be kiiiiiiind of a major jerk i dont think that means all of that is ruined forever. and if you stop going by dipper i’m going to have to start going by shooting star as revenge. star for short!

dipper: ….i think i like you as mabel better.

mabel: aww no, i was already getting used to it! star sounds like the name of a princess, doesnt it? or a galactic warrior!

-BUT DON’T YOU WORRY YOUR GEL-COVERED LITTLE HEAD, KID! I WON’T BE BOTHERING YOU LIKE THAT AGAIN. YOU’VE PROVEN YOURSELF TO BE EXTREMELY DISAPPOINTING AND USELESS. CONGRATS.

SCARY-OKE

-in this case obviously dipper wouldn’t want the agents around, since stan has taught him better than that.

-dipper decides that he’s finally ready to talk to his birth parents over the phone, but when he does they insist that they never had twins and mabel has always been an only child, and he realizes they don’t know who he is. everything he knows is once again called into question.

-mabel tries to get the agents’ help in figuring out the mystery behind dipper’s birth and proving that the two of them are siblings

-maybe dipper raises the dead as a way to threaten stan? like, oh you’re so afraid of the supernatural, what if i do this

-or mabel tries to lure the agents back to the shack by creating a supernatural disaster, like oh, say, zombies

-stan finally admits, with zombies breaking down the door, that he got mixed up with the supernatural and made some very bad decisions, although he isn’t specific about what happened. he relinquishes that he kept the truth from dipper all these years not for his sake, but because he couldn’t bear to admit that he was responsible for separating dipper from the family he should’ve grown up with.

THE GOLF WAR

-mabel and pacifica run into each other at the mini golf course, and after watching mabel sink the winning shot pacifica realizes she has feelings for her. furious with herself for developing a crush on somebody like mabel, pacifica challenges her to a rematch and vows to destroy her.

-dipper and stan are worried about pacifica’s behavior, but mabel assures them that she probably just wants a little one-on-one game and had to disguise it as a fight to the death since her parents were with her.

-pacifica gets to the golf course early to get some extra practice in, discovers the lilliputtians, and decides to use them to win against mabel, convinced that if she proves to herself that she’s better then her crush will go away.

-mabel becomes concerned with pacifica’s attitude and worried that she’s gone back to her old ways, bribing somebody to help her cheat. eventually she’s captured and tied up, and pacifica has to save her.

-in the aftermath, pacifica can’t stomach apologizing, so mabel does it for her. “hold on, dip. i think i know what’s going on here.” “what? no. you definitely don’t. whatever you’re about to say about me is completely and totally wrong.” “so i just want to let you know, pacifica…. it’s ok. i understand.” “understand what there’s nothing to understand” “yes there is! and i’ve felt that way before, too. even about you sometimes.” “wh…..huh? you have?” “yeah! all that pressure to compete really gets to you sometimes. but just because i beat you at something it doesn’t mean that you’re any less cool than you were before., ok? so i don’t want you to feel like you have to prove that!” “oh. yeah. yeah, that. yeah.” [awkward pause] “soooo…. you don’t hate me?” “of course not!” “ok good. that’s like, good to know. i don’t hate you either.”

-theyre playing truth or dare and mabel dares dipper to hold candy’s hand for the rest of the night

-mabifica bullshit: 'let me see those beautiful eyes’, holding hands post-confession in nmm, arguing about whether or not to run off into the woods together at night

THE LOVE GOD

-during a conversation with wendy, dipper casually mentions that he’d like a girlfriend. mabel overhears and decides to try and pair him up with someone. she enlists the help of candy and grenda for this secret mission, but notices that candy seems uncomfortable with it. eventually she admits that she’s had a crush on dipper for a while, and mabel is ecstatic. she conspires to set them up on a date at the woodstick festival. candy makes mabel promise not to tell dipper, but of course she can’t keep her mouth shut and blurts it out while the two are having breakfast at the diner. mabel expects dipper to leap at the chance, but instead he just feels awkward. he tells mabel that although he likes candy and thinks she’s great, he’s never thought of her like that. mabel urges him to give her a chance, but dipper argues that it will end badly. he spots candy nearby, freaks out, and runs for cover. it’s at this point that mabel meets the love god.

NORTHWEST MANSION MYSTERY

-“….and grenda can take a hit pretty well so she’d be the best choice for a distraction while i spray 'em with the anointed water from behind, but we might need pacifica to-”

“actually, dip, i was gonna ask if i could handle this one on my own.”

“what? why? we don’t know how powerful this ghost is!”

“because i, the wonderful mabel pines, am going to confess my love for pacifica tonight!”

“you only realized you liked her two days ago!”

“exactly! no time to waste when romance is afoot!”

“you don’t even know if pacifica LIKES girls!”

“well i don’t know if she likes BOYS either. she always seemed kinda indifferent to-

"even if she does, what if she doesn’t like you back? and you know what her parents are like, they probably wouldn’t want her dating another girl anyway…”

“why do you always have to shoot me down like this”

“…..i’m sorry, mabel… i just don’t want you to get hurt again.”

-“we did it!” “haha, yes!!”

-(internally) “this is the perfect moment, mabel, just go for it!”

-“umm, pacifica? now that we just beat this big scary ghostman together, there’s something i wanted to-”

-“YOU’LL PAY FOR THIS, FOOLISH CHILD”

-“….on second thought, I’m gonna go exorcise screamsville here first.”

-“that’s probably a good idea”

-{“WITCH! SERVANT OF EVIL!”}

-“i’m sorry. i didn’t want you to know this about me.”

-“ok, so, your family’s gotten mixed up in some bad stuff, that doesn’t mean-”

-“no, it does. you’ve always been so nice to me, and i never did anything to deserve it… hanging out with you, and dipper, and everyone, hanging around the shack….i started to realize that this isn’t normal. my parents aren't……normal. and now I’m just so scared that no matter what i do, i’ll end up just like them.”

-“….pacifica. i know you. your outsides may be crusted over with gold coins and expensive body lotion and hairspray, but your insides are made of bubbles and kitten kisses and rainbow dolphins high-fiving each other. your parents are a couple of stinky poo-heads inside and out and you’re not anything like them.”

[pacifica, crying, kisses her]

-“oh no. this was a mistake. I’m leaving.”

-“pacifICA WAIT”

-“what would you say if i said i was in love with you?”

-“i’d say you only wanted me for my money”

-“oh pacifica, your heart is gold enough to last me a lifetime!”

-“shhhhhpsshh stop!!”

-[mabel kisses her on the cheek]

-“no but really stop i don’t want my parents to see”

-“ohhh yeah sorry”

THE LAST MABELCORN

-things start out much like they do in canon, but when mabel meets the unicorn and it tells her that she’s not pure of heart she jumps to the conclusion that bill has “tainted” her in some way by taking over her body. the abuse metaphors here are obvious. she sadly returns home and begs ford to help her in some way, and he takes her down to his study. meanwhile, dipper sets back out with the girls in mabel’s place.

-“…..but it wasn’t me….” “what?” “i…..i have to go.” “mabel, wait!”

have it so like, she’s not necessarily visibly distraught when she talks to ford, or even to her friends, but more determined to “fix” herself, hiding the worry that she’s a bad person beneath her insistence that it must be bill’s fault.

“GRUNKLE FORD! bill gunked up my soul and i need you to fix it so i can be pure of heart again!” “…mabel…” “please please please PLEEEAASE!”

-“no offense, but you break the law daily, you two have kind of a…. mutual violent streak, and you……” “don’t say anything.” “and if being involved with bill really did disqualify mabel, then I’ve been doomed for years.” “you’re also not a 'maiden.’” “good point.”

-“man, this is bullshit.” “i know. how are we gonna find someone more pure than mabel?” “no, i mean. the game’s rigged. nobody’s completely 'pure of heart’ or whatever, and how do you even measure that? that glitter-snorting poser doesn’t ever have to give up the goods because she’s asking for something that doesn’t exist.” “…so how do we get the hair?” “well, i say if princess unattainabelle back there doesn’t wanna play fair, we shouldn’t have to either. alright, kids, who’s ready to add a few more bad deeds to the naughty list?” “YEAH!”

-meanwhile, mabel’s mind begins to be encoded. “i can’t undo what’s already been done, mabel. but i can make it a lot harder for bill to hurt you again.”

-mabel’s thoughts: “do you a favor” “have craz and xyler ever kissed?” “adopt every kitten in the world” “PACIFICA PACIFICA PACIFICA”

-mabel ends up putting the helmet on ford because she starts to have intrusive thoughts worrying that he could be possessed by bill, and she decides that proving herself wrong would put them to rest. “ugh, shut UP, brain! this is why we don’t talk anymore.”

-when mabel reads his thoughts, she freaks out and, unlike dipper, actually succeeds in hitting ford with the memory gun. he’s knocked to the ground and she approaches him cautiously as he rises back to his feet. when he explains that he’s not bill and the gun didn’t work anyway, mabel starts crying and hugs him. “its ok, mabel. you did the right thing. when dealing with an enemy like bill, you can’t fully trust anyone, not even the people closest to you. …maybe if i’d known that when i was younger, we wouldn’t be in this mess now.”

-“….i’m a bad person.” “oh come on, you don’t still believe that unicorn, do you? i thought dipper told you she was full of it.” “no, i… did something really bad today. i thought bill did something to gunk up my heart but it was really just me all along.” “wow, what did you do?” “nn. you’d hate me if i told you.” “mabel, you could kill a dog in front of me and i wouldn’t hate you. and if you don’t tell me i’ll just assume the worst.” “i AM the worst.” “ohhhh my god. …..ok, let’s say that bill did break your soul for all eternity or whatever. so what? you’re still my girlfriend. and in case you haven’t noticed, i’m pretty messed up too.”

ROADSIDE ATTRACTION

-“aww, come on! think about it…. just us girls, alone under the stars…” “eww, fine! i’ll come if you stop being gross”

-“i can’t believe my own sister got a girlfriend before me!”

-“romance ain’t a contest, kid.”

-“…yeah, you’re probably r-”

-“just kidding its definitely a contest. one you’re losing.”

-“he was… flirting with me! i think he actually likes me back!”

-“AAAAAAAAA!!” “get it, girl!” “candy wins!” “i wouldn’t get your hopes up, chiu. he’s probably just being a tool.”

-“pacifica, how could you?” “why must you deny true love?” “hey, dipper’s my friend and i think he’s great, but he sucks. I’m just being realistic.”

-“oh, no. i think i just agreed to take candy out on a date.”

-“….aaaaand do you LIKE her?”

-“well, yeah…………….as a fr-”

-“UGGGGGHHHHHH I KNEW IT. listen, 'dopper’, you got yourself into this mess, and its not up to me to help get you out. you deserve it for toying with a woman’s feelings, anyway.”

“candy…. saved my life. even after i broke her heart. she’s so cool…………………………………oh, SHIT.”

-“it’s ok, dipper. if dating pacifica has taught me anything, its that the way to a woman’s heart is through emotional angst and near-death experiences. and we get those every day!”

-“you deserve this and i have no sympathy for you.”

–

DIPPER AND MABEL VS THE FUTURE

same basic setup, with mabel hitting up all her friends for party plans, but the focus is on having to return home without all the friends she’s made rather than anxiety about growing up (although that’s still a factor). in addition to discovering candy and grenda won’t be around, she also finds that pacifica’s parents are becoming suspicious of her frequent outings so she’s trying to lay low for a little while, so she won’t be able to hang out for the last week of summer.

ford invites dip along for the alien hunt, and doesn’t exactly offer dipper the chance to be his apprentice, but is impressed with his adventuring skills and the fact that dipper has been training in the art of mystery solving for years. au dipper is quite a bit braver than canon dipper after all, and quicker to spring into action right after ford. theres still a bit of hesitation involved, and when ford praises him for his courage, he laughs and remarks that mabel would’ve jumped right away without any thought. ford then confides in dipper that although mabel uses her heart before her head, he can still see how scared she is inside and thinks it would be best for mabel to return home and cease connection with gravity falls, because he’s seen first-hand how much bill has hurt her already and he doesn’t want it to get any worse. he also tells dipper that he can tell mabel’s heart isn’t in any kind of study or quest for knowledge like he is, she’s just a kid having fun, and he can tell that its mostly because she wants to impress dipper and it might be better for her to focus her energy on her own interests, which can’t happen if she stays in gravity falls. dipper reluctantly agrees, saying that he’s always sort of worried about the same thing. of course, this is the part that mabel hears over the walkie-talkie.

for all that mabel and ford’s relationship is better, he still sees her as a child while he sees dipper as more of an equal. he warns dipper that letting mabel become dependent on him, or he on her, is a bad idea, because one day they’re going to have to go their separate ways, and mabel might not be able to handle it (implying that she’ll do something drastic to keep him around, like stan did to him).

theres a scene midway through the episode of pacifica sulking on her bed, hugging a pillow to her face. her mother’s voice calls her for dinner from downstairs, and she groans and gets up. looking in the mirror, she realizes her mascara has run and she scoffs and rubs at her eyes. when she opens them up again, the mirror is full of eyes. “something wrong, blondie?” it cuts off there

after mabel runs away into the woods at the end of the episode, pacifica emerges from the bushes in her full incognito gear, saying she came to warn her about bill. that bill tried to make a deal with her but she refused everything he offered, and that he’s getting desperate and is going to try again with someone else, probably before the summer ends. she tells mabel that if neither of their families want them, they’ll run away, out of gravity falls, together. when mabel realizes she has the rift, she groans, annoyed that she has to go back home and return it. but pacifica insists that this actually makes the plan better, that if they leave gravity falls with the rift it can be kept safer… and that, maybe it would be better if pacifica held onto it, since bill is targeting mabel. mabel agrees and hands it over…. at which point pacifica takes a moment to admire it, and then smashes it to the ground. she laughs, takes off her sunglasses, and is revealed to have been possessed by bill. then the world ends.

WEIRDMAGEDDON 1

-after ford is captured, dipper runs into grenda, as in literally runs into her, while she’s attempting to chase a monster in process of carrying off candy. the two travel together for the next three days, finally deciding to explore the mall in search of mabel and the others. on the way there, though, the two are ambushed by bill’s lackeys. before the fight can begin, grenda tosses dipper out of harm’s way and shouts for him to go on without her while she holds off the monsters. dipper reluctantly escapes, leaving grenda to an ambiguous fate.

-during that time, candy finds pacifica huddled in a pile of rubble, and urges her to come help find the others, but she’s reluctant. “look, mabel’s not here anymore, alright?! she’s gone. bill got her. so you can stop pretending to like me.” “candy does not pretend. not when it comes to friendship.” “….if you just left me here, nobody would have to know.” “on your feet, northwest.”

“augh, my poor hair… it’s got like, twigs and shit in it.” “do you want me to cut it off?” “what? no. why would i do that.” “it’s a symbol! in stories, girls cut off their long hair when they are going on journeys and breaking free, leaving the past behind… it is cool and majestic and– pacifica, YOU should cut off MY hair!” “wait, seriously? …ok, whatever, fine, do your weird impulsive nerd thing. you got any like, scissors?” “let me see….. six, seven, eight pairs! i also have a knife.” “candy, what the fuck.”

-dipper finds wendy, pacifica, and candy all hiding together in the mall. dipper is surprised and relieved to find that candy is safe and she talks about how she bit the monster’s hand to get it to free her, proudly revealing that one of her teeth has turned completely red as a result. dipper admits what happened to grenda, and while pacifica and wendy look worried, candy remains adamant that she’s strong and will be all right. hesitantly, dipper asks if any of them have seen mabel. the room goes quiet, and pacifica confesses what happened, that bill came to her and threatened to possess and torture mabel again if she didn’t let him use her body. she thought that if she agreed, she’d become a ghost like mabel did and be able to use a puppet as a vessel in time to warn somebody. instead she simply blacked out, and when she came to she was just in time to see mabel being sealed in a bubble and taken away.

-at some point pacifica confesses to dipper that bill never threatened to hurt mabel. she made the deal willingly because he promised her that mabel would be able to stay in gravity falls if she let him borrow her body, and she was just so scared of losing her, and everyone.

-candy’s arm is broken in the car chase and ensuing wreck against gideon’s crew. in the aftermath, pacifica uses the remains of her jacket to make a sling.

ESCAPE FROM REALITY

mabeland is nearly the same as in canon, though maybe with some minor alterations to reflect the events of the summer. dippy fresh is replaced by a series of “dream dippers”, versions of dipper that mabel had imagined he might be like before actually meeting him. most are unrealistically cool, but one in particular is just someone who would be the ideal brother, always looking out for her and wanting to be with her. in the end of course, mabel has to look at all of this and decide that real dipper is the one she wants. (theres also a fake pacifica who shares all of mabel’s interests and is hopelessly in love with her, always flirting and offering romantic gestures, but without any of the sass and personality that make her who she is. pacifica ends up snapping her neck.)

mabel introduces the dream dippers one by one like they’re contestants on a game show, but one spot is left empty. dipper asks who it’s for, to which mabel nervously replies that it’s more convenient to have something extra just in case. later on, in the wilderness of mabeland, dipper overhears mabel talking to someone. “i don’t understand. everyone can finally be happy here. wendy can break all the rules she wants and never get in trouble, candy can be herself without people making fun of her, pacifica can get away from her parents, and dipper…. well maybe i can understand why HE wants to leave, since he apparently doesn’t want to deal with me….” suddenly, dipper hears his own voice reassuring her that everything will be alright, and he’ll stay by her side forever, that the summer never has to end. she says “do you really mean that?” to which he replies “of course. you know i’m the best brother ever.” the voice is revealed to be perfect, ideal brother dipper.

crushed by this, dipper retreats to the pond, where instead of being approached by wendy he’s approached by candy. she sits down and asks him what’s wrong, and he tells her how awful he feels that he couldn’t have done better for mabel. she assures him that he’s a wonderful person, and mabel’s being silly for not wanting someone like him as a brother. she then tells him that she was being silly for being mad at him, too, that she’s realized he was right all along, and she should’ve forgiven him earlier. “really? …'cause i was totally with you on the whole 'i was a jerk’ thing.” then candy ups the ante, going on to talk about how oh, he’s so much smarter and braver than her, and she was just upset because she thought she stood a chance with him, but she’s such a loser, she could never- dipper stops her there, worried. he continues to insist that it was his fault, he WAS being an asshole, and he should’ve apologized to her a long time ago, but he was nervous “because…. i DO like you, candy. like, like-like you.” he tells her to stop berating herself, that he likes her because she doesn’t let anybody change how weird she is and that she’s not acting like…. herself. it’s at that moment that he realizes what’s going on. as “candy” begins dissolving into bugs, a fist collides with her head and she explodes. its revealed to be grenda, who managed to find her way in because “the door was unlocked.”

when it comes to the trial, mabel’s memories are similarly flipped through, but instead of having a twin to be there in her time of need, she had nobody. she’s never had anybody like that until she met dipper.

TAKE BACK THE FALLS

-candy and grenda’s symbol is a disco ball. “…and this one could mean a person who can see the fun in any situation! or just a party animal.” “hey, that’s me!” “that’s me too!” “it’s both of us!! SYMBOL SISTERS!!!” [grenda lifts candy up onto her shoulders and they each take a hand, candy on her right side since her left arm is broken and grenda on the left]

-“we’re proud of you, daughter. saving the world will be perfect for salvaging our reputation! i still think those pines kids are a bit of a bad influence on you, though.”

-“oh YEAH? how’s THIS for a bad influence?!” [she pulls mabel into a passionate kiss] “news flash, dad! your perfect daughter’s a big fat gross lesbian! and when i grow up I’m gonna marry this riffraff right here, and change my name to pines too!! so DEAL WITH IT!!!”

stan still loses his memory as he did in canon, but dipper is the most visibly distraught and won’t stop begging him to remember. he tells him how even though they fought a lot over that summer, he loves him so much and he’d never ask for a better grunkle. he desperately tries to jog his memory with baby pictures, but they need to trigger more immediate memories first.

the solution for mabel to stay in gravity falls would be to fabricate a lie that dipper is ford’s grandson, ford being the twin that faked his own death to escape a life on the run, but they’ve just come back to reconnect with the family (since dipper lost his parents apparently), and mabel didn’t want to tell her parents at first because she was afraid they wouldn’t want her staying with an estranged family member/ex-con. but she’s made so many great friends and she loves this town and wants to stay with her “cousin”.

while the northwests go house hunting, mabel invites pacifica to stay at the shack until they can find a new home.

rather than leaving for a new adventure, ford and stan decide to stay at the shack and rest for a while, just settle into their new family dynamic. soos, melody, and abuelita all still move in, and so the house is renovated to make room for the huge family.

with the journals destroyed, the mystery squad now has to start from square one…. but dipper tells mabel that she doesn’t have to do anything to impress him anymore. that he’s ready to try just being a kid again.

[shadowjack12345]

Curiosity

An alternate meeting: what if BB didn't join the Titans until much later?

Thanks, @knightb172

"Welcome aboard, Beast Boy," Nightwing said as he clasped the young man's hand in his. They both smiled at each other. Nightwing managed not to ask of the ears were part of the mask or just covered by it.

"It's an honour, Nightwing," he said smoothly. The other Titans strode forward to welcome their new member... save one. Raven hung back in the shadows, her eyes narrowed at the newcomer.

"It is good to have you join us, Beast Boy," Starfire sang. Tall and statuesque with golden skin and hair almost down to the floor, it was genuinely impressive that Beast Boy didn't stammer in return.

"On that we agree, Princess Kori'Andr," he answered. Starfire actually blushed a little, embarrassed at the title.

"Oh, that is not necessary. Starfire will do nicely," she said. He nodded once in agreement.

"I read the dossier Mento sent us," Cyborg said, arms folded but with a warm smile. Once again, Beast Boy was admirable calm in the face of Cyborg's physical presence."Impressive stuff." Beast Boy smirked.

"The whole dossier? Unless Mento's embraced brevity recently..." he started. Cyborg laughed.

"No, it reads like an academic paper. A very long, very dry academic paper. But... well, maybe 'read' was the wrong word. Gotta be some advantage to having a computerised brain, right?" Cyborg joked. Beast Boy nodded in comprehension.

"I'll take your word for it. Well, thanks everybody, I guess I'll go unpack or... wait. Are we missing someone?" he asked. Nightwing looked around and spotted Raven lurking in the corner. He waved her over and, though she rolled her eyes, she joined them.

"Hello," she said, curtly. She didn't extend her hand.

"Um. Hi," Beast Boy replied. She narrowed her eyes at him again before turning on her heel and leaving the room. Cyborg chuckled awkwardly.

"Don't take it personally, man. That's just how Raven is, especially when she doesn't know someone," he said.

"Sure, no problem. No problem at all."

LATER

Raven sat on the couch, book in hand, revelling in rare solitude in this space.

"Raven?"

"WHOA!" she said, less dignified than she might have liked. Beast Boy stood behind her, eyes wide behind his goggles.

"Are you okay? I didn't mean to startle you," he said. Raven, on her feet and breathing heavily, calmed herself a little.

"You... you snuck up on me. No one sneaks up on me," she said, more perplexed than upset.

"Oh. Is that bad?" he asked.

"It's different. I don't adapt to change very well," Raven grumbled. She sat back down. Beast Boy walked around to the front of the couch so she could see him.

"I was going to ask if I could watch the TV but it looks-"

"I can't read you," Raven interrupted. Her brow furrowed as she looked up at him. "Is it the mask?"

"Read me? Oh! Right, you're an empath. Well, if you work with someone like Mento, you end up building a strong defence against psychic intrusion. That must include your senses as well," he surmised. Raven's head cocked to the side.

"Can you turn it off?" she asked. Beast Boy blinked. Did she not realise how personal it was to ask to see someone's emotions? Actually, she probably didn't - it was her norm, after all. He shook his head.

"It isn't conscious. It'd be like asking me to switch of my immune system: I can't," he explained. Raven crossed her arms and looked away. Was she... pouting? "Maybe this could be fun," he added. Raven gave him that curious look again.

"Fun how?" she asked carefully.

"Well, it's gotta take something out of conversation if you always know what the other person is feeling, right? Now you get to try getting to know someone on equal footing. The old fashioned way," he said, a little enthusiasm creeping in as he spoke. Raven's eyes narrowed even more.

"You sound awfully certain that I want to get to know you," she said with quiet menace.

"Um. Well. Right. Well. Oh. Right. We-"

"One condition: I get to ask what you're feeling if I need to," Raven said. Beast Boy took a deep breath.

"Okay... if I get to do the same. And we don't have to answer if we don't want to," he said. Raven grimaced.

"Fine." Beast Boy extended his hand. Raven vanished.

LATER STILL

"Why do you wear the mask?" Raven asked. She sat at the table with Beast Boy. He chewed thoughtfully and swallowed.

"Why do you wear the hood?" he said.

"That isn't an answer," Raven said.

"You first."

"But I asked first," she complained. Beast Boy smirked.

"Maybe it's personal," he said. Raven raised an eyebrow.

"Is it?" she asked. He only smiled and ate another mouthful. "If I tell you about the hood, will you tell me about the mask?" Beast Boy grinned and nodded. "The hood is traditional amongst my people."

"Is that all?" he prodded. Raven frowned. How badly did she want to know about the mask?

"Sometimes... I can't hide what I am, but sometimes - most of the time - I don't like people to see me for what I am," she said. Suddenly, her face flushed brightly, while Beast Boy's smile vanished.

"My mask. Um. I added it to my suit when I was a kid," he said before sighing heavily. "Because of Nightwing. Well, Robin at the time."

"Wait. This mask is because you were Nightwing's fan?!" she hissed. "I told you all of that just to find out you had a childhood crush on Nightwing?!" she cried, loud enough now to draw the attention of the others in the room. She seemed to twist and tower over Beast Boy, growling quietly... then vanished, leaving only silence.

"Hey, uh... I have a girlfriend," Nightwing added with a shrug. Beast Boy smacked his forehead and groaned.

EVEN LATER

There was a knock at Raven's door. She only curled up more tightly in her sheets.

"Raven, it's me," Beast Boy said, muffled by the door.

"Go away," she said flatly.

"Ask me what I'm feeling," he said. Raven emerged from her bedding and fixed her door with a withering stare.

"What?" she snapped.

"You wanted to be able to. Ask me," he insisted. Raven stood and walked to the door but left it closed.

"What are you feeling right now?" she whispered.

"Foolish. Embarrassed. And very, very sorry. I'm sorry, Raven. I was just teasing, I never meant-"

"Are you saying it's my own fault for telling you my secrets?" she accused.

"No! I... listen, I shouldn't have even joked that the mask was personal - you can't sense when I'm kidding or not. I'm sorry I made you feel like you... exposed yourself. Made yourself vulnerable," he rambled. "Okay. I came here to apologise and I have. I'll leave you be for now." Raven heard his steps move away from her door. Her anger and embarrassment had faded and she leaned against her door and slid down to the floor. Suddenly, she heard Beast Boy's footsteps rush back to her door.

"Actually, I got one more thing. I'm not sure if it's a good idea but I'm doing it. Can I see you, Rae?" Raven's eyebrows raised at that. A nickname? With a sigh she stood and opened her door. Beast Boy smiled when he saw her, still wearing a blanket about her shoulders.

"Hi," he breathed.

"Hello," she responded, coolly. He took another deep breath, seemingly to psyche himself up for something.

"Okay. I know what you're dealing with is more than just a self-esteem or self-image problem but I can't not tell you. Raven - you are extremely pretty," he said, a little laughter in his voice. Raven blinked back at him.

"Excuse me?"

"I just wanted to say it, just in case you needed to hear it. You're beautiful, Rae. I know that isn't gonna magically fix everything but... I couldn't leave it unsaid," he finished. "Well. Goodnight."

"Take your mask off. Please," Raven said. Beast Boy froze in his tracks. His hands moved up to his mask - why did he even wear the thing? He was green, it wasn't like he could masquerade as a civilian in his downtime. With a nod he reached up and undid the various clasps that held his mask in place, lifting it from his head and running his fingers through his flattened hair.

Raven stared.

Of course his hair was green. Everything about him was green. Especially his eyes. His eyes that were staring back at her. They were somehow even greener and more inviting then Starfire's eyes, but the hair was still the problem. She clasped her hands together behind her back to stop herself from running her own hands through his hair as he had done. He squirmed a little under her intense gaze, and she finally averted her eyes.

"I see the ears are real," Raven blurted. Beast Boy did a double take.

"You thought they might not be?" he asked.

"After our conversation, I thought they could be Batman-inspired," she said. Beast Boy's mouth hung open. Wait. Was that... was Raven smiling? She was!

"Oh wow..." he breathed.

"Excuse me?"

"Sorry. Just thinking out loud. I'm gonna go now, okay?" he said. Already turning to leave. Raven watched him for a few moments before calling after him.

"Thank you! For what you said about me," she said, getting quieter with every word. He turned and, without the mask, Raven could see the blush.

"You're welcome," he answered, gently. Raven seemed to fidget, unable to look at him.

"You're pretty as well!" she shouted before retreating into her room and slamming the door. Beast Boy's mouth hung open again.

"Well," he said, shaking himself. "I am never wearing the mask again," he chuckled before heading to his room, a visible skip in his step.

THE END

Well, this was fun. I don’t really go in for AU but I’m not even sure this counts lol.

[lunatens]

felix felicis (i)

word count: 2.5k

part i/iv

genre: fluff, harry potter au

pairing: hufflepuff!felix x ravenclaw!reader

a/n: the drought is over....i’m finally posting again gsdjfhsjfh i hope u all like harry potter! i truly don’t know how many parts this’ll be so i guess we’ll see as we go. also i haven’t read or watched harry potter in a lil while so if some of the rules don’t make sense just ignore them (lol plus i can do what i want)

“you know, you don’t have to be the best in every class,” chan says as he slides into the seat beside you at your usual spot in the great hall. you give him a glare, then continue stabbing at your plate of eggs. 

“it’s not the fact that i’m not the best; if someone like seungmin, for example, did better than me, i’d be happy for him! it’s because it’s that stupid felix kid! he never pays attention in class, he rarely studies or does his homework, and he’s always out playing quidditch or visiting hogsmeade or something. he should be failing! not getting higher grades than ME of all people! i don’t know how he does it. i’m in the library like, 24/7, and i take notes in class and i don’t know i just...work harder than him. it’s stupid and unfair,” you rant, ending with an angry huff as you shovel a forkful of eggs in your mouth. chan stares at you blankly for a couple seconds, processing everything you just said. 

“you seem a little jealous, y/n,” he comments, and you glare daggers at him. 

“i am NOT. i just don’t understand how he, of ALL PEOPLE, was the only person in our class who could brew a draught of peace successfully,” you respond, and chan sighs. 

“maybe he’s just naturally really smart. or he’s just lucky. besides, it’s been 2 days since that potions class, maybe it’s time to stop being so bitter about it,” he says, patting your shoulder in comfort. “i gotta go, i’m meeting up with changbin and jisung soon. you coming to the quidditch game tonight?” he says as he stands up and gathers his things. 

“i don’t know, probably not, i have to stu-“

“wrong answer, you’re coming to the game. it’s ravenclaw against hufflepuff, you could at least support your own house,” he tells you. chan reaches over to snatch a piece of toast off of your plate, walking away before you can say anything. 

“i’ll be waiting for you outside your common room later,” he calls over his shoulder, and you glare at his back as he heads to class. it’s moments like this that make you question your friendship with chan. you finish your breakfast, then pick up the stack of books you’d been reading before going to leave yourself. you make your way out of the great hall, heading back to the ravenclaw common room to grab an extra quill and some parchment (chan always seemed to forget his, and you had muggle studies with him later). you whirl around the corner only to collide with someone so hard you’re both sent flying to the ground, your books spilling over the floor. 

“oops, i’m so sorry!” the other person says, and you recognize felix’s deep voice immediately. he begins picking up your books while you sit there fuming, staring at his mess of blonde hair. he stands up and brushes himself off, then reaches a hand out to help you up. 

“sorry, i always forget to watch where i’m going,” he says sheepishly. a faint blush grows on his freckled cheeks, and you hate how cute he looks. you swat his hand away, then reach to take your books from him as you stand up. of all people, of course felix had to be the one you ran into. 

“how’d you make that potion?” you blurt out; you don’t mean to sound so aggressive in your questioning—actually, you don’t mean to even talk to felix at all, you wanted to just leave without a word, but you have to know how he does so well. felix seems unphased at your bluntness. 

“beginners luck, i guess,” he says with a shrug. you squint at him, skeptical of his answer. 

“i don’t believe in luck,” you say. “for real, how do you do it? you’re always at the top of the class, but i’ve literally never seen you set foot in the library…”

“i don’t know, i just kind of show up and do my best. the universe must just like me or something,” he says nonchalantly. “you’re y/n, right? i think we have a few classes together,” he adds on. 

“yeah, we do,” you reply, your voice cold. how could felix be so friendly towards you when you’ve been nothing but rude to him? his laid back demeanour just irritates you more. “anyways, i have a class to get to. i’ll see you around,” you say, before slipping into the sea of students bustling around in the hallways, leaving felix behind. 

~

chan flops into the seat beside yours, sending an apologetic wave to the professor for being a couple minutes late. you slide your extra supplies towards him wordlessly, your other hand continuing to madly scribble notes. 

“oh thanks y/n, you’re a lifesaver,” chan says gratefully. “i got caught up talking about game strategy with changbin and jisung and lost track of time,” he admits. 

“mhm,” you mumble, too focused on the lesson to really pay attention. 

class is about halfway over, and your professor is droning on about microwaves and various kitchen appliances when a tiny paper bird lands on your desk, interrupting your note taking. you turn in your seat to see where it came from only to meet the gaze of felix, leaning back in his seat in the back of the class beside his slytherin friend, hyunjin (who you’re pretty sure is taking a nap). he waves at you, and you scrunch up your nose at him and turn back around. the paper bird won’t stop flapping around, so you shove it in your pocket to look at it later and continue your note taking. 

~

“can i change my mind? i don’t wanna go anymore,” you grumble as you walk to the quidditch pitch with chan, changbin and jisung. you stuff your hands in your coat pockets, trying to protect them from the biting cold wind. 

“it’s just a quidditch match, y/n, it’s not the end of the world,” chan says with a sigh. 

“it is when felix is keeper for the hufflepuff team,” you mutter to yourself. you pull out the paper he sent you in class earlier, creases unfolded to display the black ink on the crinkled paper. felix has crudely drawn (what you assume is supposed to be) him flying around in front of the hoops on the quidditch pitch, with you sitting in the stands holding a book. felix has given you a frowny face, and he’s drawn a little storm cloud above your head. underneath the drawing he’s written, in his sloppy handwriting, “you should consider taking your nose out of your books and doing something fun, aka coming to tonight’s quidditch game ;-).” 

“ooh, who’s that from?” jisung asks, grabbing the note from your hands to look at it. “felix? i thought you hated that kid,” he says before handing it back to you. the three gryffindors all turn to look at you. 

“i do, which is precisely why i didn’t wanna come to the game tonight. especially now—he’s gonna think i’m here because of him!” you complain. jisung laughs at this, and changbin smirks at you. 

“relax, y/n, it’s gonna be fine. he’s just being nice—maybe you should give that a try. besides, the stands’ll be packed, what are the odds he’ll even see you in the crowd?” chan asks. 

“besides, you’re clearly the best at taking notes, so we need you to write down what happens so we can crush ravenclaw next week. no offense,” changbin adds, and you roll your eyes at him. 

“you’re lucky i love you guys,” you say as the four of you weasel your way to the front of the stands. it’s not long before you hear minho’s voice booming across the pitch as he begins announcing the game, introducing the lineup for each team. you duck into chan as the hufflepuff team flies by, not wanting to be seen by felix. he laughs and ruffles your hair before nudging you off of him. 

“relax, y/n, it’s gonna be fine! look, the game’s starting—jisung and changbin, watch the ravenclaw beaters and try to figure out their tactics; i’ll watch the chasers and try to figure out their plays so we can copy them in practice,” he says, and the three gryffindor boys lean forward eagerly to watch as ravenclaw takes possession of the quaffle. your quill scribbles furiously as you listen to the boys’ commentary, taking notes so they can go over them later. you don’t really mind not being able to watch the game; you don’t really care much for the sport, plus your friends always take you out for butterbeer afterwards, so you don’t have any complaints. 

“damn, felix is really good,” chan mutters, and your head snaps up at his name. you watch as felix somehow deflects a ravenclaw’s attempt at scoring—you’re not quite sure how he even managed to make it in time, but you have to admit it was impressive. as hufflepuff supporters cheer in the crowd, felix does some goofy poses on his broomstick (honestly you have no idea how he hasn’t fallen off yet). 

“yeah that was a really good save—too bad he’s not a gryffindor, we could use a good keeper,” changbin adds on, and you giggle at the bitterness in his tone; last year’s keeper and captain of the gryffindor quidditch team, jaebeom, was amazing—after he graduated and appointed chan captain, chan had been left with the task of finding a keeper good enough to replace jaebeom. 

“yeah, we really could,” chan says with a sigh. the game continues, the ravenclaw and hufflepuff teams fairly evenly matched and the snitch nowhere to be seen. one of the ravenclaw chasers flies right overhead, a whoosh of cold air rushing over everyone in the stands as she races away from a bludger. you shiver, cursing yourself for forgetting your hat and scarf. 

“a little chilly over there?” chan says with a laugh as he wraps his scarf around your neck. the small bit of warmth is comforting, and you’re able to keep taking notes for the boys. 

~

“and first-year seeker, hufflepuff’s yang jeongin catches the golden snitch, ending the game with a score of 210-80 for hufflepuff!” minho announces, and the crowd erupts in applause. defeated ravenclaws (you’re not one of them) and ecstatic hufflepuffs make their way from the stands back to the castle. you pass your notes to chan, who stuffs them in his robes. 

“thanks again y/n, we’ll be sure to thank you when we destroy ravenclaw!!” chan says excitedly. “you coming to the three broomsticks with us?” he questions. you shake your head in response. 

“nah, i’ve got a herbology test tomorrow and i’m behind on studying. bring me back some candy from honeyduke’s though!” you say, waving as you head back along the path to the castle. 

you’re enjoying the quiet walk alone in the brisk autumn air; the chatter of distant groups of students mixes in with satisfying crunch of dead leaves as you shuffle along the path. the wind nips at your ears and nose, and you cozy into chan’s scarf for warmth. 

“y/n, wait up!” a voice calls from behind you. you turn to see felix jogging up the path, broomstick clutched tightly in one hand while his scarf trails behind him like a kite string, the yellow and black stripes standing out against the darkening gray sky. 

“oh, hi felix,” you mutter, turning around and continuing your walk. you don’t bother waiting for him to catch up, rather listening to his footsteps and breaths grow louder as he runs after you. 

“you came to the game!” he says, and his freckles cheeks are rosy from the cold. his slightly breathless, and his sweaty hair is blown every which way. 

“nice observation. i was only there because my friends dragged me along though, don’t get any ideas,” you tell him. 

“what, you’re sure you weren’t there to watch me play?” felix teases. “only kidding; i saw you bent over your parchment the whole time. do you ever take a break from school?” 

“it wasn’t for school, but yes, i take breaks. just the other day i walked up to the astronomy tower just to look at the stars, that wasn’t for school, just for fun!” you reply. felix’s eyes widen at your statement. 

“really y/n? that’s your idea of fun?” he questions, shaking his head when you nod. “you need to get out more; i mean there’s nothing wrong with stargazing, but you could definitely use a little more excitement in your life. me and my friends are going to hogsmeade this weekend, you should come with us!!” he says excitedly. you don’t say anything, but you eye felix suspiciously. why on earth would he invite you, when you (admittedly) have been super rude to him? 

“....okay, fine,” you find yourself agreeing—you aren’t quite sure if they’re your words or if someone put you under the imperius curse to say them, because why would you agree to spending a day with felix, your sworn enemy? 

“wait, really? not gonna lie, i was expecting you to say no. well that’s good, i was gonna bribe you with chocolate frogs, but i gu—“

“i’ll still take the chocolate frogs,” you say, and you find yourself actually smiling at felix. he smiles back, but you see his smile falter slightly and his brows furrow in confusion. 

“i thought you were a ravenclaw,” he says, gesturing to your scarf. 

“oh i am, this is chan’s,” you mention casually. you look down at the scarf (you’d forgotten you borrowed it, to be honest), and in doing so you miss the way felix’s face falls. “i forgot to give it back.”

“oh...uh, is he, um, are you, you know….like, together?” felix asks, and the question really throws you off. you almost laugh out loud at the absurdity. 

“what?? oh my god��no. definitely not. i love chan, but..no. he’s just my best friend,” you say, and you can practically see the relief wash over felix. 

“ah okay, just curious,” felix says, laughing nervously. you continue walking across the grounds, almost back at the castle now. you’re still keeping your distance, but you’re no longer walking on the opposite edge of the path as felix. maybe he’s not so awful; it’s not his fault he’s better than me….no, what am i thinking? i still need to find out how he does so well. he’s perfect in school, he’s somehow amazing at quidditch, and he’s also gifted with those looks?? something doesn’t add up, you think to yourself. 

“felix!! i caught the snitch!” an excited voice yells from behind you. you and felix both turn to see jeongin sprinting down the path, grinning ear to ear. 

“yes!! good job out there, innie,” felix says as he beams at the younger boy, and you melt a little at the sight. “i’ll see you in class tomorrow y/n!” felix says, waving as he and jeongin head to the hufflepuff common room, leaving you to question what the strange bubbly feeling in your stomach is. 

[click here for part ii!]

[txtdiaries]

Momentum - Chapter One

SUMMARY | Your perennial crush on campus golden boy, Choi Soobin, isn’t one you think is shared; but a late night study session in the library with the man of the hour might just be enough to prove you wrong.

PAIRING | Soobin X Reader

CATEGORY | college au, crush, slow burn, studying, academia, etc.

WORD COUNT | 4.1k

WARNINGS | swearing

SONG REC | Edge Of Desire - John Mayer

PLAYLIST | momentum playlist

Preview / Chapter One / Chapter Two

Your fingers are itching to slam the book in front of you shut.

Itching to slam it shut so hard that it echoes throughout the practically empty library you’re in - so loudly that the librarians shoot daggers at you with their eyes. You want to lean over, zip your backpack closed, and run out of the ancient hell hole as fast as you can.

You don’t.

You know you could - exams and you don’t mix well, so you’ll probably flunk all of them anyway - but you force yourself to stay rooted in the uncomfortable wooden chair beneath you. You force yourself, for the sake of your future.

Studying physics isn’t exactly what you’d like to be doing on any given Friday night, especially this one, but here you are. After flipping through a book twice the size of your pencil case propped next to you, you finally settle on a chapter explaining thermodynamics. Your eyes scan the words helplessly. You’re totally going to flunk. Luckily for you, though, you don’t have a lot of time to dwell on this sad fact, because a certain gray haired boy makes his presence known suddenly, taking you away from the matter at hand.

“Hey loser.” His voice cuts through the silence surrounding you, and you look up to see Yeonjun, your best friend, sliding into the chair across from you. He’s grinning widely like he knows something you don’t, and you tilt your head at him in curiosity.

“Hi yourself. What’s up?”

“Nothing much. Just that your soulmate is on his way down to the library and should be here in about thirty or so seconds.”

Now you’re really not worried about physics. Except maybe the kind going on with you.

His words send your heart lurching in your chest, and your hands fly up to sort out your hair, your top, and embarrassingly, even your skirt.

“Twenty seconds,” Yeonjun chuckles as you rip open your pencil case, flipping open your small compact mirror to try and fix your appearance, “Not much longer now.”

“Shut up.” You hiss. Usually, you wouldn’t care about how you looked, especially not for a guy. But this was different.

Because it was Soobin. And Soobin was different.

You’d be dumb to pretend that you were the only one on campus to like him. Most of the girls did, and even a few guys did, but you couldn’t blame any of them. The boy was a sight for sore eyes, and his personality only made him that much better. You didn’t put him on a pedestal by any means, you just really liked him. Unfortunately though, other people did too, and the black-haired boy probably knew it. Which means that your chances were close to non-existent. That being said, it didn’t ever hurt to try and put a little more effort in.

“Five, four, three…” Yeonjun counts after awhile of you straightening out your makeup. You click the small compact shut and shove it back into your case, coughing lightly to clear your throat before straightening in your seat. Perfectly on cue, as if timed by Yeonjun exactly, the one and only Choi Soobin walks into the library silently, bag thrown carelessly over one shoulder.

Your breath shouldn’t squeeze from your lungs when you see him, but it does. Amid staring the tall boy down as he walks cluelessly to a table just to the left of you, Yeonjun laughs at you. You ignore him and watch sneakily as Soobin sits down. You’re completely enthralled by his very being, and all he’s doing is sitting down. God, get it together, you think to yourself.

It’s completely silent on your part as Soobin unzips his backpack and pulls out his laptop and study supplies, but you’re internally screaming. You truly understand right then, just why they call it a crush. Every single thing he does adds a dangerous pressure to your chest, and you feel like you could burst with adoration just by watching him do a regular, everyday thing. Yeonjun on the other hand fails to take notice your internal battle as he pulls out his own supplies himself, slapping his notebook and textbook on the table noisily.

You’re about to glare, but you catch sight of something on one of Soobin’s notebooks suddenly, and your heart starts pounding again.

A small bunny sticker in all its glory is stuck to the bottom right corner of his black notebook, and for some reason, it’s absolutely adorable to you.

Choi Soobin, the six foot something man, who - when he’s not wearing his usual button up and skinny jean combo, is usually clad in all black head to toe - has a bunny sticker on his English notebook. Your heart is about to burst on sight, so you look away with a dumb smile adorning your face.

Yeonjun flips through his math textbook, but stops when he sees you.

“What- he can’t be that cute, can he?” The boy glances over as you hide your face shyly, hoping he doesn’t draw attention to the two of you.

“He can, but it was just something I saw. Don’t even worry about it.”

“I think you should go sit with him.” Yeonjun suggests as he pulls a worksheet from its place in-between his textbook’s pages before starting to work.

“What?” Your voice raises a few octaves and a librarian glares at you from behind the front counter rudely. You smile apologetically before leaning in a bit closer to Yeonjun, shocked, “Don’t be ridiculous. I can’t just go... sit with him. He probably already saw us sitting here together anyway. It’ll look desperate.”

“Desperate is your middle name, is it not?” Yeonjun smirks at you playfully.

“I will not hesitate to deck you in the face right now.” You frown at him. He snorts at this before doing an equation on his paper.

“Maybe I should just make the move for you then, since it’s clear you won’t ever speak to him.” He jokes, unaware of the fear that shows through your eyes as you register his words. You’re unable to speak as panic shoots through your entire body, and Yeonjun only looks up with a wide smile, as if he’s just figured out the entire meaning of life.

“Actually,” He starts again, eyes lighting up, “I think I will make the move for you. What do you think of that?”

“Yeonjun, don’t-”

You’re too late as the gray-haired boy leans over in his seat boldly, hands pressed flat against the oak table to stable himself as he calls out gently, “Hey, Soobin right?”

Your blood runs cold as Soobin looks up from his laptop, eyes landing on Yeonjun before flicking to you. He hesitates a second before looking back at the boy, head nodding gently as he says, “Um, yeah. What’s up?”

You feel heat pool in your stomach when he speaks, because damn, you really fucking forgot just how deep his voice actually was, and you feel dizzy as he smiles softly, his kindness evident.

“Well the thing is,” Yeonjun starts, your eyes moving from Soobin to your best friend, “Y/N here, she’s really bad at physics. Like, embarrassingly bad, and I was just wondering if maybe you could be of any assistance? That is, if you’re good at it. I’d help her, but I’m only good at Math, and I’ve also gotta get going soon.”

You open your mouth to defend yourself because one, you’re not that bad at physics, and two, what the hell is Yeonjun actually doing? Before you can say anything, though, he’s talking again, and you silently ask God if the ground can swallow all of you collectively up or something equally as tragic because the boy in front of you will not shut the fuck up for the life of him.

“She’s really shy so she didn’t want to ask you herself, but I said I’d do her a solid just this once and ask instead. Isn’t that right, Y/N?” Yeonjun finally looks at you, and so does Soobin, causing you to feel sick.

“I-”

“Well there you go.” Yeonjun nods firmly, flipping his math book shut before stuffing it in his backpack. He hardly lets anyone else talk before he’s speaking again, “Anyway, thanks Soobin! You’re the man. I hope the study sesh doesn’t cut into any of your own work. If it does, Y/N can buy you a coffee or something to make up for it.”

Your eyes find Soobin again, and he looks just as confused as you. You could kill Yeonjun for this.

“I’ll see you later.” The boy finishes before lifting his backpack over his shoulders and giving you a playful salute, walking backwards towards the exit while giving you a double thumbs up as he leaves, only causing the anxiety in you to grow even more. Scratch what you said earlier, you were definitely going to kill him for this.

“I’m sorry.” You start breathlessly when Yeonuun finally disappears. You look at Soobin, and your cheeks burn when you meet his eyes again, but he doesn’t look annoyed like you expect him to. Instead, his lips are tilted up in a small grin, and one perfect dimple is hollowing out on his right cheek.

“Uh,” He starts, “Do you want to come over to my table or should I move to yours?”

You’re taken aback at his words, and you watch as his eyes widen slightly.

“I mean- what I mean by that is, like, I’m not the best at physics but I can help you if you want.” The boy clarifies, his shyness seemingly getting the best of him. You want to laugh at his change in attitude.

“No it’s fine I can-”

“I’ll just-” Soobin says at the same time, standing clumsily before swinging his backpack over his shoulder. He struggles to get all of his things together, and you pretend to not notice when his pencil falls on the floor as he walks over. He sets down his things, bends over to swipe his pencil off the ground, and you’re hit with the smell of his cologne suddenly as his stuff surrounds you. You could pass out.

You bite your lip and turn your focus to the window, trying to not stare directly at the boy now less than ten inches in front of you as he flicks through his notebook again. It’s snowing outside, mercilessly coming down in small white clumps, and you already know you’re going to dread the walk back to your dorm later.

Soobin clears his throat and flattens the bent page in front of him, finally getting your attention again. The last thing you expected when you came into the library tonight was to be sitting right in front of the boy you were helplessly in love with, but here you were. And it was all thanks to your pain in the ass best friend Yeonjun. Maybe he was onto something when he had Soobin come over, though.

“So, uh, what are you having trouble with?” Soobin asks. His glasses are perched on the edge of his nose, and the lenses glare slightly when he moves his head just a bit closer, talking softly. You try to not stare at his white button up, or the way the sleeves are rolled up to expose his arms, before clearing your own throat and looking down at your book.

“Um, thermodynamics.”

You look up as Soobin hisses almost silently, “Ooo, yikes. Thermodynamics and me, we don’t mix well.”

You grin just a bit and breathe out a laugh, because that’s exactly something you would say, Soobin smiles back shyly.

“It’s fine,” You shake your head, “I understand if you only came over because of what Yeon said. I’m actually not that bad at physics so I’ll manage if you wanna head back over to your table.”

Soobin furrows his eyebrows at you, as if he’s actually confused on why you could have said such a thing. You feel dumb all of a sudden. You should have kept your mouth shut.

“No, it’s okay,” He shakes his head gently, “It’s actually nice sitting with someone else while studying. It’s a nice distraction when things get boring.”

You try to not stare at his lips when he talks, but you can’t help but notice the slight lisp that softens his speech, which causes your eyes to switch from his gaze to his lips. You nod in agreement with him, even though you barely comprehend his actual words. He’s just that distracting.

“Oh- okay then.”

Soobin grins at you and then opens up his english book, starting to write on the paper in front of him messily. 

You try your very best to try and read again, you really do, but there’s no way it’s happening now. If you couldn’t understand the words before, there’s no chance you can now, with Soobin sitting right in front of you.

You’re staring at the pages, eyes moving left to right to feign reading, but really - you’re hyperfocusing on Soobin’s every little detail - scared that if you don’t, you won’t be able to remember any of it the next time he isn’t near.

“What are you studying?” You speak up, surprising even yourself as you look away from your work and over to Soobin’s, leaning over greedily; desperately. You’re sharing the same space as him, you may as well make it worth it.

“Subject and object pronouns,” His dark eyes flick up to you, “And when to use them.”

“That’s not that bad.” You smile softly, meeting his eyes. He looks down quickly, back to his messy handwriting. “No, it’s not.”

Silence falls over the two of you again, and you mentally curse yourself for not being able to hold a conversation. You’ve fantasized about this moment for months: The day when you’d finally talking to Soobin and capture his attention long enough that he can’t physically look away, so much that he has no chance but to fall for you. It’s sad, really. You’ve thought of making him laugh so hard he throws his head back in amusement, or making him smile so big both of his dimples carve a permanent place on his cheeks. You’ve thought a hundred times over about everything except this - sitting right in front of him - in pure silence.

You take notice of the slight bags under Soobin’s eyes as he works, before you look down at your book again. You allow yourself to really hope that he isn’t overworking himself, but you know better. Soobin, who was clearly an overachiever, admittedly did a lot. Not only was he one of the very few University Prefects on campus, but he also did a number of extracurriculars, followed by sports as well. Because Choi Soobin was just that: a golden boy who was just good at… well, everything. As well as being one of the very rare students to be in the top percentile grade-wise at your university, he was also the type of person to always work, work, work. He wasn’t just a pretty face, and he proved that to everyone, every single day.

“So your friend got out of here pretty fast,” Soobin speaks up, still looking at his work, “That wouldn’t be because of me... would it?”

You open your mouth to deny it, but a part of you - a really small part of you - wonders what would happen if you were to actually tell Soobin the truth. That, yes, he left so we could be alone and I will probably kick his ass later for it. Soobin looks up at you slowly, folding his arms gently on the table as he leans forward just a bit more. He’s testing the waters, you realize. He’s offering himself up. 

You almost choke.

“I-I don’t know.” You lie, “I think he just really hates studying.”

What the fuck? You want to scream at yourself. You weren’t normally so bad at lying, but under Soobin’s stare, you could barely remember your own name, let alone an excuse to save your behind.

You think all hope is lost, and you’re mentally planning your own funeral before the edge of Soobin’s lip twitches, and then stretches into a tiny grin.

“Well,” He says, almost hesitantly, “I’m glad he hates studying, then. I actually, uh, I wanted to come sit at your table when I walked in, I just didn’t want to intrude or anything.”

You don’t know what to say. You don’t know if you should take it as a compliment or not. Surely it was meant to be taken positively, but you just didn’t know how to process it - Soobin complimenting you.

“You wouldn’t have been intruding,” You finally say, noticing how his brown eyes soften a bit when you do, “Yeonjun doesn’t really study anyway, he just talks the whole time.”

Soobin laughs suddenly, and you feel your heart practically explode in your chest at this because you made Soobin laugh, and the sound was so beautiful it left you laughing along with him. You barely feel bad for exposing Yeonjun. After all, he was the one who got you into this mess. He deserves to be exposed.

“I have a friend like that,” Soobin momentarily drops his pencil as he perks up a bit. You do the same, listening to him intently.

“His name’s Tae, and whenever we get together to study, like, debate topics or whatever-” 

You mentally clock that Soobin does that as well - Debate Team. He really has no limits.

“-I’ll be trying to do flash cards or something, and he’s there like, ‘Hey Bin, why don’t we play some video games instead?’ or, ‘Honestly, who cares about the economic crisis in Venezuela?’”

You laugh at his words, and he scratches the back of his neck, visibly blushing. You notice as he looks down, most likely mentally checking himself.

“Sorry, I don’t mean to bore you with studying stories or anything, I just think it’s funny that our friends are so similar.”

“No, it’s fine,” You give him a genuine smile, “You aren’t boring me. I kind of wanted to take a break anyway. Physics is boring.”

“Not as boring as english.” Soobin quirks an eyebrow, “The questions are all, ‘which pronoun should be placed in the sentence, blank walked in the classroom.’ like, this is elementary stuff. I could do it in my sleep, if I ever got any.”

“Oh my god, literally.” You agree, “It’s not hard to tell a pronoun from a noun, or vice versa. I wish they’d actually give us challenging stuff to do for English rather than just refreshing us on grammar or, uh, parts of speech? It’s draining.”

“It is,” Soobin says, voice deepening slightly, as if his exhaustion agrees with you as well. You nod again, still looking at him.

“I feel like… well, you do a lot, don’t you? Apart from studies.” You creep dangerously close to the line dividing curiousity and nosiness, allowing yourself to voice your thoughts at his small comment. After all, if you were careful, what could it hurt?

Soobin rests his chin on his folded arms on the table before nodding up at you, looking a lot younger in the moment. Your heart skips a beat at the sight.

“Yeah, I do way too much. Sports like baseball and soccer that have overlapping seasons -  which is literal hell by the way- and also stuff like debate and student council. I’m also part of this literary club which, if I’m being honest, really kills me.”

“Yeah, I’d die on sight. Even hearing all of that makes me wanna collapse.” You tell Soobin honestly, and he chuckles at your words. The effect is not lost on you as your heart starts picks up frantically against your chest again.

“It’s not too bad, I just consume a lot of coffee and run on exactly zero hours of sleep.”

“All while keeping honors?” You question, giving him a teasing grin.

“All while keeping honors.” He shakes his head at himself, almost in disbelief. You notice this and tilt your head.

“I actually think that’s pretty amazing you know, the fact that you’re able to do so much.”

“It could be more.” He says, shaking his head. You furrow your brows and he backtracks.

“I mean - it’s a lot, don’t get me wrong - but I could be doing more. A lot of people think I should be doing more, anyway.”

You think of your words carefully before saying them, “I think that if it was more, you’d run yourself into the ground. You’re already great, don’t strive to wreck yourself.”

Soobin stares into your eyes as you say this, looking almost stunned. He was probably glad you weren’t telling him to pile on club after club. Telling him that the him he is now, the him who tries as hard as humanly possible, isn’t good enough. For a second, you’re saddened at the thought that someone, somewhere, already had.

“That’s just what I think anyway-” You get cut off by Soobin speaking again in a rushed voice.

“Do you want to do something sometime?”

The question shuts you up instantly.

“Do I… what?” You ask incredulously, staring into his eyes.

Soobin hides his face in his hands suddenly, his shoulders shaking with his laughter.

“Wait, I’m sorry.” He says, hands dropping only after a few moments, “I didn’t mean to spring that onto you like that.” 

You almost think that he’s going to take the whole thing back, and the thought makes you panic. Instead though, the dark-haired boy shakes his head before he speaks again.

“What I meant to say was-” He clears his throat, “Would you want to do something with me sometime? Like, dinner or something?”

You catch onto his awkwardness and bite your lip to keep from smiling too widely.

“Where did that come from?” You ask shyly, trying to keep it together. Soobin bites his bottom lip gently before saying, “I just... well, I’ve been wanting to ask you for awhile. Last week in our communications class when you did that really pretty thing with your hair. When you smiled at me when you saw me leaving my literary club. I don’t know, I’ve been meaning to ask for awhile, I just never got the chance to... until now. Also, we haven’t exactly talked until now, to be fair.”

You feel like you can’t breathe. You didn’t think in a million years that you would even talk to Soobin, let alone be asked on a date by him. He takes your silence as doubt before starting to ramble.

“We could go see a movie or something- oh! We could go to that cool new roller skating place they just built off campus? I can’t remember the name of it right now but maybe that would be fun?”

You chuckle as he continues.

“Um… maybe a picnic? Wait, actually, it’s too cold for a picnic. An indoor picnic could be cool though?”

You lift your hand up between the two of you, momentarily silencing the boy in front of you so you can speak, “Yes I’d like to do something with you, whatever it is.” You watch as he visibly sighs.

“I mean-” Your eyes go wide at yourself, “A date! Obviously. I don’t mean anything else.”

Soobin visibly panics as well, cheeks tinting a harsh pink suddenly, “Oh! I-”

“Well, I-” You try to combat your words, but then quickly slap a hand over your mouth. You’d rather be punched in the stomach than admit to Soobin himself that you thought he was attractive - enough to the point where you thought of doing rated things with him. You feel your own cheeks heat up as he hides his face again. You look down and laugh nervously after they drop.

“It’s fine,” He chuckles, “It’s fine. I feel the same.”

You look up again and smile, noticing that he doesn’t hide his blush this time.

Soobin’s the first to make a move, and he wordlessly slips over a small piece of paper with his number scribbled onto it messily after leaning over it to write for what seems like hours. You feel your body buzz with nerves, as if it’s a sacred thing. The Choi Soobin has just given you his number, and he wants you to actually use it.

“Okay,” He finally says, slipping his stuff into his backpack, “So, uh, you’ll text me then?”

“Yeah.” You nod a bit too eagerly. Soobin doesn’t notice. And if he does, he doesn’t seem to mind as he nods back at the same pace.

“Alright, I should get going then. I’m sorry I couldn’t help you with physics”

You laugh, smiling lightly, “It’s fine. I’ll text you soon.”

“I look forward to it.” He says before swinging his backpack over one shoulder and taking an awkward step back from the table.

“Bye-”

“Bye Y/N-” 

You two cut eachother off before laughing together a final time.

“Bye Soobin.” You retry, “Get to your dorm safe.”

He nods, “Bye Y/N. You too.”

And then he’s gone, leaving you on cloud nine, and ready to scream the news to Yeonjun from across campus.

You couldn’t believe it.

Because Choi fucking Soobin asked you out. And you said yes.

What could possibly happen when you finally decide to text him?

[ddaenqu]

Slow Motion

pairings: yandere monster!hoseok x scientist!reader

themes: Angst, Mature, Mythical monsters AU, Fantasy AU

tags: possessive behavior, obsessive behavior, toxic behavior/relationships, unhealthy behavior/relationships, manipulation, threatening, cussing, dom/sub undertones, graphic depictions of violence, implied sexual content

based on the prompt: “I need you more than I need to breathe.”

a/n: hobi can take my girl n i would be honored and i gotta just say monster!bts is the hottest thing ever. am i right or am i right? obviously, i had too much fun with this au and as you can tell, a lot of this science stuff is based off of my own imagination. i tried to do some research but idk, i kinda like it when i just go off on my own

You’re frantically pulling the sterilized, white lab coat on with shaky fingers. The narrow room is flashing, with a blinding white. The sudden change of light making you disoriented, it was uncomfortable compared to the hallway: a vintage white, a gentle dim that wasn’t too dark nor too light, and pleasant to the eyes.

The keypad near the door with a small scanner resting above it waited for the form of accession. You quickly pulled the ID card with your name and a picture of you plastered on the front of it, you turned it around where the barcode sat and almost placed it on top of the scanner. Your hand hovering over the device.

What were you getting in to?

You knew now better than anyone, that beyond this door was a line—the unknown behind it.

I can leave, you think, I can leave and go home and go back in my warm bed. This wasn’t working hours for you. Why were you even here? You had every right to be at home resting and not scrambling into your car at four in the morning, pulling yourself away from your one comfort and safety. This wasn’t your problem.

You pressed the plastic card down, the weight in your arm was heavy and unbalanced, as if it hadn’t planned to move at all.

You heard two consecutive beeps shortly after placing the lithesome-like plastic onto the scanner, a high-pitched yet small beep, indicating that security had granted access and the door was unlocked.

Not your problem, you remind yourself as your hands reach for the silver, pristine door handle, it’s cool surface pressed against your feverish palm.

The idea of leaving was tempting, tempting to the point that your own hands loosened on the handle multiple times, but only returning a stronger grip from the one thought that had picked your mind apart by the time you parked in the parking lot of this nightmare.

Was it selfish? Was it selfish to want to go home and call it a day officially and to not set foot in this godforsaken lab? Was it selfish to leave millions of undocumented work, untitled organisms laying around in glass tubes and boxes?

Was it selfish to leave them—in there—with it?

Yes, you concluded solemnly, it was

Swiftly, you pulled the handle and the door opened revealing the inside of a madhouse; the wide hallway had employees of all running back and forth between crossing rooms, some stood in one place talking with urgent hand motions to others, and there your supervisor stood.

His face was nothing short of tired, almost exhausted to the point of death.

Bags under his eyes, his skin a sickly pale, although his skin has always been paler than average, the deep, blackened circles hanging around his raging orbs really defined how pallid he was. If anything, the white lab coat pulled onto him matched his complexion more than anything at the moment. The frown on his face only seeped more into his face upon seeing you, giving him more prominent lines.

“Sorry for calling so late,” he said with a genuine tone, you could tell he was disturbed and more disoriented with the predicament.

He motioned you to follow him, walking beside him wasn’t a likely option. His stance and expressions already were a warning sign to any passing employee, even you. You followed after him blindly, staying close to him in order to hear his words—he often talked in jargon with a small voice—talking to him was more than awful. It was stressful.

“What the actual fuck happened?” you said to him, making sure to keep your voice at minimum.

The whole hallway was tense, palpable that you could almost taste it, it left a bitter taste in your mouth.

He let out a sigh, his whole body vibrating to that one guttural huff. “Don’t know. One moment it was fine, BPM and all,” he began and weaved himself through and around people as he passed doors. “Sent one of the crew to do a test, like usual—then—”

He had trouble finishing the sentence as if he hadn’t got his head around it either.

“It attacked him.”

The world stops.

No—it doesn’t stop, it slows down in accordance. Minutes ticked like hours, and seconds blinking away like minutes.

The people around you moved like giants. Slow and messy moves, blurs instead of outlines.

The hair on your body raised, goosebumps appearing like magic all over your body, and your eyes widening to the statement. Your breath hitched in your throat, and momentarily, you thought you were going to choke, nearly forgetting how to breathe.

While the world slowed, your brain formed jumbled words and sentences, words that weren’t words.

It attacked?

It couldn’t be possible, you denied.

You spluttered grossly, “HBi? That one—attacked? Are you sure?”

You continued to follow the man until you entered a room with people all around, looking at screens and papers, and the most surprising scene yet—a man’s whole shoulder being bandaged up as blood seeps through the fabric. His mouth agape as hoarse screams come out, his body flinching every time someone touched near his shoulder.

“I’m sure,” he replied curtly as he passed the doctors and nurses crowding around the injured young man.

He looked about in his 20s, still fresh. You won’t see him again, you knew that anyone new around here who gets too easily swayed loses it before they can understand everything. The deep wound on his shoulder, too deep for saving.

A mark that’s going to be ingrained in his skin and memories forever.

“It’s always been good, I don’t understand—a docile creature, that’s what it was,” he rambled on, and you’re sure by this point, you have had lost your focus on his words.

Anything he says fly pasts you, you don’t acknowledge a word, and you know you should be listening, but you can’t bring yourself to listen about it anymore. Your body feels numb yet sore, your stomach stirs uncomfortably, your own body begging for you to find a pillar to lean on.

To anyone, you looked impassive to the situation at hand, while everyone is running and yelling amidst the chaos, you’re standing there with an apathetic expression, body lax—almost sagging.

But inside, you’re terrified. Terrified.

Leave, your body tells you and it even goes as far to making your pace slow down, creating distance between your superior. You bite down on your bottom lip hard enough to draw blood, trying to stop yourself from crying.

You can’t help thinking this was all your fault.

God, you need to leave.

“Yoongi—I think—” You stop yourself once you see the room you’re in.

All too familiar. The sets of computers, screens, TV. Most were only security footage, real-time, of hallways and rooms, while the other few screens displayed the insides of white, enclosed cubicles. Immaculate rooms, with glossy tables and chairs, sinks and more. The beds were different, depending on who or what was accustomed to.

“What is it?” he says with an acrid tone, he was busy talking to one of the security guards working the screens, only then did you notice how irritable he really was.

You knew not to take it personally. He was always a harsh person, even after becoming buddy-buddy with someone such as him. But you can’t stop yourself from stiffening to his tone, your hand bunched into a fist and your nails digging into the soft flesh of your palm. Tears were threatening to fall from your eyes, blinking them away only worsened it.

You gulp, “I just—why—did you call me?”

He met your eyes, his eyebrow raised, expecting you to answer your own question. Then, after a few deprecating moments of silence, he clicks his tongue and decides something with a tilt of his head.

“I know it’s wrong for me to say this—It wasn’t my idea, please don’t—you know I would never put you in danger.”

Your heart squeezes, you think your palm is bleeding by now by how hard your nails are digging crescents into them.

“It’s just that, Namjoon was thinking that—after the incident—we needed to administer the test,” he lets out a deep sigh, one that seemed to be with forced calmness, “and it never reacted this way, not until we changed who was giving the test to it—to that thing.”

He refers to the subject with evident hatred, spitting it out as if it was a curse.

Horror is what courses through you, pure unadulterated horror. He can’t possibly be implying what you think he is.

No, no, no, your head screams, and suddenly the world comes to a slow again as the words from his mouth come out emphasized. Your hands shake and your mouth dries, a sore bump appearing whenever you swallow air.

“We need you to administer the test.”

He seems to notice your reaction, taking the gray and small briefcase from one of the passing employees with a hesitant grip. He holds it by his side, for now, knowing fully well that it had the items inside of it are the ones you have to use.

“Please, you have to,” he begs whilst keeping his tone at minimum, “otherwise it could die from the temperature change. It’s too weak, still not adapting to our—”

“I got it,” you interrupt timidly and unclench your hand, raising it outward and waiting for that god forbidden suitcase to come into view.

You’re terrified, close to throwing up, your heart hurts and your breathing feels labored, but you know you won’t get out of this.

It wasn’t his choice, you remind yourself—it was Namjoon’s and his words were never up to suggesting, it was a command. Defying him was the equivalent to getting fired—you and Yoongi.

Yoongi watches you on the monitor with a steady gaze as your body trudges towards a certain hallway, and stopping at a steel door.

You can read the glass plaque next to the door frame. You’ve read it every day for the past month. “HBi-1” it read, horrible memories come flooding in, and the possible scenario appearing in your head, one he has depicted so grotesquely that it doesn’t feel like reality. None of this feels real, it all feels like a dream.

Your body moves mechanically like a stressed wind-up toy, the gears in your body are slow and unresponsive for seconds as you’re still thinking about what you were about to do. Your hand is clammy against the silver-like handle, the door is already unlocked manually from security, no keypad or ID card needed.

In other words: you can’t leave when you want to.

You let out a shuddering breath, pushing the door open, a small click, and snapping shut with a screech that made your ear strain to hear anything after.

It was a dark room, it was uncomfortable in light and didn’t cooperate for the first few practices with it. The temperature was a significant drop from the outside, although, it felt quite dry. It was as simple as all the other inhabitant's rooms; white beds, white floors, white bathrooms—the basics of what you can make out from the silhouettes right now, your eyes trying to adjust in the darkness.

Your heart is beating to no avail, you can hear it vibrating off the walls like waves—you’re almost sure that it can hear it too. Shaky hands wrapping itself around the handles of the case with a vice-like grip.

Sounds of fabric shuffling and harsh feet hitting the marble floor tease your ears, and your breathing quickens within moments. You can hear it, but you can’t see it. And maybe on the monitor it shows, maybe it shows the monster right behind you waiting for you to turn around. Maybe.

Then, you feel it, a sensation so normal and familiar from all your previous visits. Like a greeting to him, torture for you. Sharp claws running across your skin through layers of fabric, gingerly, you note. Goosebumps rising on your skin.

It’s behind you.

Too afraid to look, your body eminently frozen, you stare at the camera in the corner of the wall, flashing a red color to signal its recording. That people were watching behind those tiny glass lens. The only thing giving you any sense of relief or protection.

Soft breaths hit your neck. “You’re back.”

The sharp nails dig scantly through the fabric of your clothes, you can feel the sharp edge pinching the soft flesh almost. You try to ignore it and watch the camera as it is watching you, counting the number of times it flashes red.

A silence overcomes the room once again. The soft breathing ceases, and a more sinister growl rapes at your ear causing your heart to drop.

It digs its nail further into your skin, prompting a reaction from you.

“Speak,” it demands. Your back is scorching, something hot pressed up against it with violent breaths hitting the nape of your neck.

“Test,” you manage to whimper out, “I’m only here to do the test.” Squeezing your eyes shut.

It goes quiet. The silence feels suffocating, the first time you’d ever think of quiet as too much.

You’ll be fine, though, right? If anything goes wrong, they will come, right?

You look towards the camera once more, waiting for it to flash red.

It doesn’t flash red.

Panic instills in your body, ready to turn around and bolt at the door. The original task for being here was long gone by now, it was now you almost near to crying as you wondered where Yoongi was, and why they weren’t here, why wasn’t anyone coming for you.

Did something happen? Did it do something to them?

Powerful hands clamp down on your wrist, cutting your circulation and pulling you back with immense force. The room grows with light, still murky in a sense, but enough for you to see everything if you focus hard enough.

“Did you like my present?” it asks. “My surprise, in better terms.”

You can feel it’s erratic heartbeat against your own, it’s chest pushing against yours as it keeps your hands bound with his own. You force yourself to not look at the monstrosity, which only angers the monster more.

“Look at me,” it emphasizes each word with a hushed voice, “when I speak.” its claws are digging into the skin of your hand.

You wince, instinctively pulling away, only to be pulled back into the uncomfortable position. Your head moves up, following its order, afraid of what he would do if you didn’t listen again.

The first thing you notice is dark brown eyes and the artificial skin that looks too real. Prominent cheekbones that were high and prominent, sculpting his face in a long oval-like shape. It’s pixie nose and Its lips, thin from the corners, leading into a defined cupid’s bow with a strong jawline, as well as a tiny mole on its upper lip.

The creatures beauty was astounding as much as it was tempting. It made you wonder if it had stolen the skin of another or if it was completely original, stemmed from its own imagination.

It looked human, but the two sleek black horns attached to the sides of his head told otherwise.

“It’s been so long since I’ve seen your face, darling,” it mumbles with adoration present in those eyes, a content sigh that hit your face, that awful smile placed upon its lips. “Much better than that awful boy who came in here.”

It, again, smiles, but it didn’t quite reach its eyes, not folding into small crescent moons as it should be.

Minutes past and you’re wondering why nothing has happened, why the camera isn’t recording anymore. Why aren’t they unlocking that door? Why?

“The test,” you whimper, not knowing how to respond, and your eyes wander to the case fallen on the floor. You hadn’t even noticed you dropped it.

Its eyes darken into a void of black, a frown appearing as the eyebrows scrunch. “I know about the fucking test, love,” it scowls, for a split second, you can see the pointed canines, it’s skinny and long tongue gliding across them in a tantalizing manner.

You cower in his hold, however, you keep the gaze. A pathetic attempt to stay rooted, to have some power—defiance.

“You’re lucky I didn’t rip off his fucking arms,” It spits, “or maybe I should? Should I? Angel?”

You shake your head. “Please—don’t.”

It chuckles.

“And why shouldn’t I? It seems as though whatever I say you never listen,” it seethes, the amount of heat it is emitting is abnormal. “Tell me, angel, what should I do?”

Its head tilts from side to side with a delusional look in its eyes, his eyes brows still furrowing, but its lips hanged into a lopsided smirk.

What were you supposed to say? Opening your mouth and closing it multiple times. Any word you say could be taken literally, could be altered, could be used against you.

It clicks its tongue when you don’t reply immediately, getting impatient with the lack of answers.

“Should I rip them all apart? Everyone here?” it speaks up. “Make it so every breath they take will feel like all their limbs snapping in half? Breaking each of their fingers by pulling them back? Or peeling their skin off as they’re still alive? Is that it?”

It requests, lifting every scenario after another with almost too much excitement in its eyes, glittering as though its already made up its mind. It’s a matter of seconds before you’re begging for it to stop and holding onto your stomach for dear life, the sickening thoughts making you gag.

“I’ll make you watch as I do so, all pretty and obedient for me when I’m done. How beautiful it would be to have you wrapped around my arms begging.”

“No, no, no, please—” you cry helplessly, unrestrained tears are pouring down your cheeks. You can feel its claws coming away from your hands and up to your neck, drawing a line up to your chin. “Why are you doing this?”

It grins, it’s orbs flick into slits, much like cat eyes, a dark green surrounding them before it blinks, and the normal brown returns.

“Simple, I need you,” he whispers so softly, that it has your body responding with warmth and comfort, “I need you more than anything, more than I need to breathe. Do you understand, angel?”

No, you don’t understand. You only feel its nails digging into your skin and forcing you to look up at it, and it’s enough pain for you to understand it. You can feel his gaze burning into your head.

You nod numbly.

“Good,” he smiles, his pointed teeth appearing and his grip on your chin retracts, his hands falling to his sides.

From the corner of your eye, you see something flashing red in the corner of the room.

“Let’s start the test now, shall we, love?”

(feedback is greatly appreciated! 🧸❤️)

[autumnalfallingleaves]

How to be a Lapis Lazuli (By Lapis Lazuli)- Jim Lazuli Lake AU

AO3

Jim whoops as the warm summer air hits his face. He’s high off the ground, watery wings carrying him aloft. On the ground, Toby laughs as Peridot berates Amethyst for something-or-other, which only serves to make the purple Gem taunt Peridot right back. Jim blushes at the sound, the other boy’s laughter making his chest- his own gem- warm. He does a backflip and hears Claire clap in response.

 

“Jim!” He looks down. Rose is gesturing for him to land. “Come have lunch, honey. You haven’t eaten since early this morning.”

 

The boy hears Toby whoop again, but this time, it’s excitement at the prospect of a meal. Jim had prepared the meal himself this morning with a little- just a little!- help from Pearl. Jim knew Toby and the other humans he knew liked when he cooked. He was good at it and everybody knew it, including Jim himself. 

 

With a flap and a little gliding, Jim touches down on the grass next to the barn, and with a little added concentration, he directs the water he was using for his wings back into the little pond Lapis and Peridot had built. He laughs as Toby and Claire- his best friends, he loves them so much- wave for him to come join them. Pumpkin yaps at him and runs around his feet as he joins his family for lunch. 

 

“What did you make today?” Claire asks, tying her long, curly hair back into a ponytail. Jim shrugs. 

 

“The usual. Sandwiches and some fruit salad.” He grabs the picnic basket and starts to pass out food. A sandwich and some salad each for Toby and Claire, three sandwiches and a full bowl of salad for Amethyst, a sandwich for Rose, a sandwich for Garnet, and a little fruit for Pearl. He looks to Lapis and Peridot; he knows what his close family and friends like, but not the two newest additions. Peridot wrinkles her nose. No food for her, then. Lapis considers, then shrugs. 

 

“I’ll try it.”

 

Jim gives her half a sandwich to start, as well as a few pieces of fruit. She’s a lapis like him, so maybe she’ll like it? Do Gems of the same type like similar things? Jim really doesn’t know much about Gems like him. He’s the only hybrid, after all, and Lapis is the only other Lapis Lazuli he knows, and she’s, like, really old. Older than everyone else other than Pearl and maybe Rose, he thinks. He doesn’t really know. 

 

(He wishes he did.)

 

Lapis, after a moment, takes a small bite of her sandwich. She chews. She looks thoughtful. She swallows. 

 

And a thumbs-up! She likes it! Jim grins and gives her the other half of the sandwich. The blue Gem takes it with a small smile. 

 

Peridot shakes her head. “I don’t know how you can stand to- ugh- eat that stuff,” the green Gem directs at the other Gems. She frowns, “Gems don’t need to eat, so why would you?”

 

Amethyst waves her sandwich around. “Because it tastes good, dude! That’s why! And also, like, Jim makes a mean sandwich.”

 

Jim blushes at her praise, but shakes his head. “If you keep eating all the stuff in the fridge, I won’t be able to make sandwiches.”

 

Amethyst shrugs. “Not my problem, bro.”

 

Jim splashes her with a bit of water from the pond in retaliation. Amethyst shrieks and goes to tackle him, but a raised brow from Garnet is all it takes to calm her down. She raspberries him instead, and Jim giggles. 

 

The conversation goes from there, Toby talking about his warhammer training with Pearl, Claire going on about her and Peridot’s efforts to get the Gem-tech staff Claire found up and working. It’s a wormhole-making staff, Peridot elaborates, made for creating quick transpiration over a planet. You could also fight with it, Claire adds. 

 

Jim would like that, if Claire learned to wield her own weapon. He’s got his sword and Toby has his warhammer, so they can defend themselves pretty well. Claire, however, is weaponless. Yes, she’s an expert at hand-to-hand combat, but that wouldn’t work well against a Gem who is ten times stronger than her, like Jasper. 

 

(Jim doesn’t like to think about Jasper, because he’ll end up thinking about the time the orange Gem almost killed Claire- no, no, Jim, stop thinking about it. Claire’s safe. She’s safe and she can learn to wield her own weapon and be safe.)

 

A gentle hand lays on his shoulder. Jim looks up into Garnet’s visor. She’s impassive as ever, but Ruby’s gem is warm against his skin. He knocks his head against her side and she pulls him into a brief hug. He gives her a whispered thanks, and she lets him go. Garnet and Rose are the two Gems who can help ease his anxiety the best, but Garnet is the best at it. You know, with the future vision and all. Rose looks over in concern, but Garnet nods at her. He’s okay, the nod says. He’s anxious, but he’s okay. Rose nods back.

 

They finish lunch, and Toby goes back to training with Pearl. Jim makes drops of water float around him, distracting him, while he and Claire laugh. They love Toby, but it’s fun to mess with him during training. Pearl gives him a Look, but she’s smiling. Her boys love each other, so the distraction is in a non-malicious spirit. That doesn’t mean, however, that Jim can continue to mess with Toby. She sets down her own warhammer and claps her hands, eliciting Jim and Toby’s attention. 

 

“Jim, why don’t you do some of your own training? You’ve been doing well with your sword, so it would be a good idea to practice your other abilities.” 

 

She means his hydrokinesis. Jim’s been getting better, but he still hasn’t figured out how to summon his wings out of basically thin air like Lapis. He nods, and Pearl looks to Lapis, who is lazily watching Claire and Peridot tinker. 

 

“Lapis.”

 

The blue Gem looks up. 

 

“Would you be able to help Jim learn about his Gem abilities?” 

 

Lapis looks startled. Her? Teach this skinny hybrid how to use his powers?

 

“Please,” Pearl finishes, and Lapis looks at Jim. He’s beaming up at her, the gap between his two front teeth making him unfairly cute. Actually, he’s giving her the same look Pumpkin gives her when she wants food or pets. And she can never resist Pumpkin. 

 

Lapis sighs and stands. “Alright. I’ll… try.” Jim cheers and hugs her. She hugs back, hesitantly. She’s not really used to the physical displays of affection Jim and the other children use daily. 

 

Okay. Where to start? Lapis looks over the hybrid appraisingly before snapping her fingers. She knows where to start.

 

A few moments later, the two are standing near the small pond. Lapis summons her wings and gestures for Jim to do the same. After a moment and some concentration, Jim pulls water from the pond and affixed it to his back in the shape of wings. Lapis shakes her head. “That’s not the best way to do it.”

 

“Do what?” Jim asks, confused. This is the way he always summons his wings.

 

Lapis gestures to the pond. “You’re not always going to have a water source to draw water from. You know how the water I use always comes out of my gem, right?” 

 

Jim nods.

 

“That’s because I store water in my gem.”

 

Jim’s eyes widen. That makes a lot of sense! “So… like how I store my sword in my gem?”

 

Lapis shrugs. “I guess. I don’t have a weapon.”

 

Jim contemplates this. That’s true… Lapis, from what he’s seen, doesn’t have a weapon in the sense that he and the other Crystal Gems do. He has his sword, Pearl has her warhammer, Rose has her own sword, Garnet has her gauntlets, and Amethyst has her whip. They all store these in their gems. Lapis… Lapis stores water in her gem and uses that to fight. Jim looks up suddenly, startling the other Gem. 

 

“But you do have a weapon!” He exclaims. Lapis looks confused, and he gestures to her wings. “You store water in your gem, and you use that to fight, so that’s your weapon!” Lapis looks skeptical, but doesn’t get a chance to talk as Jim, in all his 14-year-old excitement, barrels on. “So if you store water in your gem and water is your weapon, it should be easy for me to put water in my own gem! It’s gotta be like when I use my sword!” Jim pulls his sword- a broadsword with a notch in the blunt side- out of his gem with a flourish, then puts it back. It’s an odd sensation, to be sure, to pull a full sword out of a gem embedded in your chest. Jim has gotten used to it, though, with all the times he’s had to use it. 

 

Lapis looks contemplative now and less skeptical. “I guess I see. So try it.”

 

Jim nods and concentrates. He can feel his gem glow, and the water on his back start to shift. He can hear Toby and Pearl stop sparring, and Claire tell Peridot to watch. He’s self-conscious now. He doesn’t really like it when people stop what they’re doing to look at him. 

 

He persists, anyway, and envisions the water in his control entering his gem and staying there. There’s a splashing sound and an odd sensation in his gem, and Jim opens his eyes. There’s no more water on his back and the ground is dry. He blinks. 

 

“…I did it?”

 

“Dude! You did it!” Toby crows and slaps his back. Jim stumbles. Toby’s getting strong with all that warhammer training. Lapis, standing off to the side, looks something resembling happy or proud. Jim can’t tell.

 

He then turns his focus inwards, like Pearl had taught him, and focuses on his gem. It feels… different, but not in a bad way. It feels full. It feels good, like something that he was missing had finally been found and replaced. Is this what it feels like to be a full Lapis Lazuli? To have water in your gem and feel good because of it? Jim concentrates a bit more, and water flows out of his gem and forms into his wings. A little more visualization, and the wings form large hands and arms. He pokes Toby and Claire with them. The three children laugh, and Amethyst slings an arms around his shoulders. 

 

“Nice job!” She ruffles his hair and he ducks out from under her arm and hides behind Pearl. The soft-spoken Gem rubs his shoulder and says that she’s proud of him, that she’s happy he’s finally figuring out his powers. There’s a sort of nostalgia to the words, though, and Jim doesn’t understand why. Maybe it has to do with his mother. Pearl and Lapis- his mother, not his friend- were close. Maybe she remembers when she was using her powers.

 

He pushes it aside for now. Now, he and his family are happy and together and having fun. This is what he wants. No threats from Homeworld, no corrupted Gems attacking them, just happiness. Just peace.

 

He wants it to stay this way forever. 

[hey-hamlet]

BNHA AU Ideas : Choir Group

Also on AO3! 

TL;DR:  Sometimes a family is 2 adults and 2 kids. But sometimes a family is a choir full of hero hopefuls.

(aka, what if everyone knew eachother from a choir group? what soft musical stuff can i cram into this au?) 

yagi does the allmight on the down-low

he had to leave broadway cause all for one ruined his organs

everyone in 1 a knows that yagi is all might but hes trying so hard to keep his secret so they just ignore it

izu wants to be a hero but hes scared of people so he joined a choir when he was smol

bakugou joined cause he wanted to beat izuku, they bonded a bit n its a more friendly rivalry

all of 1a was in the choir before ua, they are all shook that their class is just other choir kids

big three are the current choir leaders n izu was so proud they are the us big three too because he knew them when he was smol, baku n izu are the youngest in the top level

todoroki joined to spite his dad hes really good tho

mina lives for the dance group

iida is a baritone he sing low n hes a good boy, they are very proud of him cause hes one of the youngest in baritone, hes v proud too

ochako is an alto and I love her

monoma is a tenor n katsuki wants to kick him out of his section

tsuuyu is an alto too because i want someone to be a soprano but tsuuyu its too nice to be

jirou is a blessed alto

yaomomo is a soprano the poor girl

izuku is a soft alto boy! He had such a good upper range they thought hes be wasted in tenor

shinso is a soft tenor boy and has a singers crush on izuku

"oh my god hes just so fucking good he can dance too what the fuck guys. hes the only male alto im fucking shook he has the range of a god"

in their final year todo is the choral leader, bakugo is dance leader and izu is choir leader

villains are too scared to attack when they sing

aizawa was in the top level when izu joined

he was dance leader while in ua too because it was "only logical" he have a physical hobby (mic loved choir n aizawa loved seeing him that happy)

izu thought he was fucking amazing n thats why he wanted to join

n then he sees erazerhead n mic on tv when hes 8

yells to his mum "mama!!! thats zashi!! n shouta!! he had the dance solo when i joined" n inko doesnt know if izuku is right or not but she nods along and smiles anyway

first day of ua izu sees shouta n just gasps

"iTs HIm"

bakugo looks over

"oh my fuck it is isnt it"

aizawa is shook and confused

bakugo just sighs "its your fault deku is a fucking choir gay i hope you know that. you just had to be fucking competent didnt you"

all 1a student know each other from choir n they all have a big hug fest before the quirk test

"oH mY god its a soprano without a stick up her ass what are the chances" "jirou be nice to momo i know you hate sopranos but they have done nothing to you"

mineta exists in this au, as the only one not in choir. hes confused and then expelled the first day

aizawa is glad he was terrible because now he has his lil choir class, not that hed ever fucking admit it

1a harmonizes their bus songs and they learn all their choir repertoire on the bus trips around as  aizawa conducts

durring the usj izu n tsuuyu hum together to stay calm

izuku n todoroki are actually singing together durring their big fight, everyone in the audience is shook

its just because they are trying not to cry

because izu n todo have the "its your power" convo before the fight cause they are already friends, so izu is just trying to make him feel better about the argument he had with his dad

todoroki feels a lil more comfy so he brings up his flames n izu weeps n gives him a hug before they keep fighting

they sing stronger than you jokingly at the end of their fight

izu wins but only justttt. him n todo hug n laugh as they leave the field. yagi cries a lil for his boys.

izu n baku’s fight n it ends in a draw because they blow eachother out of the ring n they are both salty as

they have a dance battle refed by aizawa later (baku wins, izuku gives him soul custody of the medal)

enji would have a stroke

yamada was singing along the whole time other the speaker. Aizawa muted him but he just used his quirk

tenya had lots of good friends n doesnt hunt down stain, he n 1a go to hatsume about leg braces for tensei

tenya teaches tensei his choir choreography so he can get used to his braces

the boys do run into stain but they were minding they own business

they singing while they fight to stay in time n stay brave

stain is very confused but hes bopping along

todo starts it cause it made him feel better during the sports festival cause izu is crying

"you guys are true heros im so sorry about this but i really need to kill native"

"thanks i guess? but we gon fucking boop to you drop bitch"

"ToDorOkI nO"

"iida hes trying to kill us we can call him a bitch"

stains huming the song they were singing as he carted away to fucking jail

"what a goddamn boop, they heros of music"

training camp is the same time as choir camp n 1a is shook n they are conflicted. aizawa gets training camp moved back a week

(the villains still attack but they tried to assault an empty camp first n thats funny)

the fight through the earth beasts is just 1a singing literally every song they know theyd finish a song, n theres a second wait while everyone races to think of something they all know before they scream out the title n start them all off

they sang bohemian rhapsody 5 times

1a arrives at traing camp like

"we just had fuck choir camp you dont scare us"

1a wasnt joking they arent phased by the summer camp. 1b is crying

bakugo gets kidnapped n just hums softly

shinso made it in after the festival because aizawa thought he was promising n it was another choir boy zawa has to protect them no hes not going soft zashi shut up

"bitch you villains have nothing on ms king fuck she had me shook"

the bakugo rescuse is the same but its more of 1a n no one was trying to talk them out of it very well

"its dangerous, dont get hurt" "we wont" "yeah ok"

they hold hands while they watch the allmight fight cause they are too scared to let go

then they run back onto the field to allmight after the fight n they hug n cry a lot

they go with yagi to the hospital n sing dumb songs together while he gets a checkup

izuku doesnt have to stop to wipe his nose, n bakugos voice doesnt shake n todoroki is pitch perfect of course (kiri and momo are ugly crying unabashedly. tenya is trying to find tissues)

bakugo totally doesnt hide his tears n growl that thy need a shitty nerd to lead them so they dont get to good

he yells at everyone cause he was scared but he can’t make himself be too mean cause they are his smol kids

mic smiles n mutters that aizawa has really gone soft on this class n aizawa just hides his face in mics shoulder n pretends he wasnt scared out of his mind for them

all of them grab his hand

izuku hugs bakugo saying they all need the future dance leader, after all no one else is as good as him

aizawa wants to be mad but hes proud that his kids didnt get hurt and were smart n improved so much

in the dorms they draw up a birthday list n anyone whos birthday has already been gets a new birthday

they wake them up at 6am you sing happy birthday n they birthday kid gets to pick the music on the bus n in the kitchen

bakugo n sato bake

iida, shinso n izuku are harmonizing while trying to eat breakfast but its bean 5 minutes n they havent eaten anything

bakugo shoves toast into izus mouth as he walks past to make himself some coffee

izuku sings around the toats

bakugo groans n sings over him

"i Just wanTed Coffee"

"BitcH we gOttA hArmoNiZe"

ochako, mina n tsuuyu are going over their dance infront of the couch, satou n tokoyami are gently sparring around bowls of oats and fruit

aizawa is humming as he cuts up some fruit for him and mic

sero sticks sheetmusic to the walls with his quirk so they can go over it as they do other stuff

shinso plays the goddamn switch piano as a backing track n bakugo is mad that hes impressed

yagi visits n tells them all hes so proud of them n listens to their sing their favourite songs with them n listens to izuku gush about new musicals almost as much as he talks about heroes

bakugo saltily adds on little bits of info

shinso n izuku dramatically reinact musicals together as they spar, (obedient servant is their fave beat eachother up song)

they get out musical soundtracks n people call dibs on the songs they want to fight to, aizawa mans the speakers and acts as the ref as bakugo n izuku fight to alexander Hamilton

ochako n todoroki fight to my shot cause it means a lot to both of them

the kids not fighting are singing the song on the sidelines. aizawa sings along too but he wont admit it

( he n izuku sing a lil duet for the room where it happens, mic claps n yagi cries)

no one fights for the last song cause everyone is busy singing n crying. - aizawa only cried cause he had dry eye ok nothing more

bakusquad always fights over the jefferson n layfette parts, they all wanna sing them solo

izuku starts with history has its eyes on you, looks at yagi n then starts to cry

yagi starts to cry too

he n yagi hug n leave training for a min to get icecream

izu grabs yagi n full cowl jumps to get icecream, makes yagi carry the icecream n jumps back

they eat icecream as 1a finishes up the musical sparring n they try not to cry some more

todoroki is still 100% conviced yagi is izus dad, hes just also conviced neither of them know it

yagi is very proud of his boy and very proud he didnt cough blood over his icecream

mic was his section leader when he was still in choir n zawa was the dance leader n they made the best duo

they were low on time due to hero training to they learnt their songs as they fought, w mic playing them through his phone as they beat up villains

they wouldnt let midnight practise with them because the fights finished too quickly so they didnt get a chance to sing

yagi wasnt in that particular choir, or any choir really but he loved to sing, would hum to victims to make them feel better and sung on tv for fans and charity

he starts teaching at the choir after the retires from hero work because he misses working and he really thinks the kids are delightful

yagi is a good choir dad n cries at all the concerts, n at the gigs, n when ever they do well really

they get nicknamed the hero course choir because so many ua students go/have gone

there are normal highschoolers of course but the ua students wont be outdone and are the best in the class

aizwa tells vlad they sing during sparring for breath support and stamina, and then decides thats actually a good reason n makes that the official reason, ignoring "it makes them smile" and "these kids have had enough intense fights"

[nexttrickanvils]

Inked Souls

Written for Day 4 of Ryukita Week: AU

Characters: Ryuji Sakamoto, Yusuke Kitagawa, mentions of others

Notes: Soulmate AU where there are different types of soulmate markings/connections but in particular focusing on the idea of “Whatever your soulmate writes/draws on their skin appears on yours.”

---------

To be perfectly honest…

Ryuji had mixed feelings about soulmates.

Considering how his mother’s supposed soulmate constantly beat her and him… it was easy to be soured on the whole idea. Guess fate or destiny or whatever didn’t consider a lost job, anger issues, and a lot of booze a problem.

Lucky for ma that she had the kind of Soulmate Mark that was easy to hide (the first words he said to her were wrapped around her wrist like a tattoo.) Ryuji hoped that his would be just as easy to deal with or that he might be one of those who didn’t have a soulmate and thus no mark.

Unfortunately, it looked like the universe wasn’t done laughing at Ryuji Sakamoto. He was in his third year of middle school when he woke up one morning and found himself covered in colored splotches that didn’t wash off.

He remembers panicking and thinking he got some weird disease. Even though his mom assured him that he was fine, she was still willing to take him to the doctor. It was there that Ryuji was told that this was his Soulmate Mark.

Well not so much a mark as some kinda weird connection type of thing. Apparently if he put something like ink or paint on his skin, it would show up on his soulmate’s and vice versa.

So as far as he was aware of, his soulmate painted and they were apparently a slob.

Great.

This changed nothing. This was gonna be harder to hide and ignore than Ryuji expected but he still had no interest in this soulmate stuff.

---------

That lasted for about a month.

It’s not like he completely changed his mind or had some big revelation. He just got tired of constantly seeing paint splotches on himself. Ryuji grabbed the nearest marker and wrote on his arm.

“CLEAN YOURSELF UP!”

Ryuji was just annoyed and all the colors were distracting him from his homework… he wasn’t expecting a response.

“Who are you?”

He stared at the neat handwriting under his own sloppy writing. Are they serious? Ryuji remembers the doctor saying that this form of soul mark didn’t pop up often but most folks knew about it ‘cept Ryuji himself apparently .

So they should know who he is… unless they’re asking for his name? No way was Ryuji giving this paint covered weirdo his name. So he ignored it.

That is until more writing appeared on his arm.

“Did I do something to offend?”

Did they… really not know? Ryuji still didn’t feel comfortable giving this person his name but it wouldn’t hurt to respond right?

“I’m your soulmate, dummy. Now wash off the paint, I can’t do my homework with my arm looking like a rainbow.”

There wasn’t another response but it wasn’t long before the paint and writings came off. Ryuji quickly went to the bathroom to wash off his writing.

Months went by.

After their little “chat” Ryuji found himself getting curious about the person he was connected to. He still wasn’t ready to share everything (and for all he knew they were never gonna meet in person) but a message here and there wasn’t gonna hurt right?

It was mostly small little things like reminding them to wash off the paint or asking how their day was.

Sometimes there was a response and it was very formal (Ryuji wondered why destiny seemed to think he’d be good with someone who sounded like a grandpa) and sometimes there was no response.

Sometimes instead of paint splotches, there were doodles. Well maybe “doodles” wasn’t the right word. The pictures that would appear on Ryuji’s skin were elegant and full of detail. He didn’t know much about art but he knew pretty when he saw it.

Which was more than he could say for the dragon he decided to draw one day. He’s not entirely sure what he was thinking when he grabbed his usual marker and started drawing on his arm.

It was… it was bad. The thing looked like it had googly eyes, there were weird random spikes, he’s not entirely sure what happened with the claws, and so many other problems.

Ryuji couldn’t help but find an ink free spot on his arm and wrote: “Sorry this sucks.”

After a couple minutes with no response, Ryuji scrubbed off the drawing and message. But as he finished, new dark lines started to appear. He sat down and watched as the lines twisted and turned and connected.

Before long, they started to take shape and Ryuji’s eyes widened as he realized it was a dragon. But not just any dragon: his dragon. He recognized the random spikes though here they came off a lot more natural.

When it was finished, Ryuji was amazed. It looked awesome, he could almost see it as a badass tattoo. He almost didn’t notice the writing appearing on his other arm.

“Even though you felt disappointed with it, I rather enjoyed your art. I thank you for sharing it with me and hope you do not mind my own take on it.”

Ryuji read the message over and over… maybe… maybe having a soulmate wouldn’t be so bad… maybe they could make it work.

But after that… the messages and art came less and less. One day he was watching a drawing on his arm but then it stopped and the ink or paint or whatever they used became smeared until it was washed off. The drawings stopped after that.

Then came Ryuji’s first year at Shujin, Kamoshida, and the worst day of Ryuji’s life.

He thought of “talking” to his soulmate as he recovered in the hospital. But no. Besides, they hadn’t “talked” to him in a while, maybe they realized what a screw up he was. He certainly wouldn’t have blamed them.

---------

By the time his second year started, Ryuji pushed any thoughts about his soulmate out of his head. He had more important things to deal with.

Like meeting Akira, stumbling into the Metaverse, finding MonaMona the weird cat thing, and everything else.

With all of that going on; the only time Ryuji thought of his soulmate was when he, Akira, and Ann compared their “marks” during the group’s victory celebration. He couldn’t help but wonder how they were doing and if they were okay.

He didn’t expect that he’d get an answer very soon.

---------

Ryuji glared at the blue haired boy standing in front of Ann. She did not need this shit, especially so soon after dealing with Kamoshida.

“You’re the woman I’ve been searching for all this time! Please won’t you-”

“Wait a minute, I-”

“-Be the model for my next art piece!?”

The other boy dramatically raised his arm and that was when Ryuji noticed something. Peeking out from his sleeve was writing on his wrist. It was hard to see all of what was written but it looked familiar. Then Ryuji caught a mention of rice and miso and he suddenly remembered the shopping reminder he wrote on his own wrist this morning.

No way… there was no way… but it made sense… this guy was apparently an artist and there was the way he talked…

So what was the right way to say “Hey I know you’re obsessing over my friend right now but I think we might be soulmates?”

Obviously not that.

Before Ryuji could think of anything else, the other boy (he said his name was Yusuke right?) gave Ann tickets to an art show and went back into the black car with the old man.

Ain’t that just Ryuji’s typical luck? He finds his soulmate and they’re more interested in one of his friends. No… Ryuji wasn’t jealous. He’s just… just…

---------

The following days were not easy. Ryuji found himself having those old angry feelings about the idea of soulmates. Yusuke didn’t seem so bad when they wrote and doodled on each others’ arms… but on the other hand, “Dear Ol’ Dad” didn’t start out a constantly drunk piece of shit.

But on the other other hand, Ryuji couldn’t help but see a bit of himself and his mom in Yusuke. Making excuses for Madarame; assuring people that everything was perfectly fine and there was no abuse here, no siree.

Late one night, Ryuji grabbed a pen (the marker he usually used had long since dried up and been thrown away) and wrote on his arm.

“You don’t have to hide. You can trust me.”

Ryuji looked the message and scratched out the “me” and replaced it with “us.”

There was no response before Ryuji had to wash off the message.

---------

A couple days later, the team launched their plan to change Madarame’s cognition and get that big ass door open in the palace.

Ryuji isn’t sure how long it took and he couldn’t help but worry about Ann (and yeah sure Mona too) but the door did open and he and Akira were able to shut off the security shit. Now all they had to do was wait for Ann and Mon…

“NOOOOOOOOOO!”

He and Akira looked up and were greeted with the sight of Ann, Mona, and... YUSUKE!?

Okay Yusuke was here… wasn’t the first time they had someone with no persona powers along for the ride. They just gotta get out. They can deal with this…

Then Madarame’s Shadow showed up.

Everything went by so quickly. Madarame’s taunting, Yusuke realizing everything he knew was a lie, his awakening, the fight, and the five of them sitting down and talking.

As Yusuke talked about how he ignored the truth because Madarame was like a father to him, Ryuji… couldn’t help but feel that maybe Destiny or the Universe or whatever was actually onto something here.

But he still didn’t feel comfortable telling Yusuke. They’d only just now started to get along after all, it would be too much.

So for now, Yusuke, or rather, Fox just was the newest member of the Phantom Thieves.

---------

Yusuke was… weird. There were times where he’d get super emotional about something that wasn’t a big deal and the reverse where he’d take weird shit in stride (his lack of a reaction to Mona talking comes to mind.)

But… at the same time… maybe it’s because Ryuji’s seen so much bitterness in his life but there was something to the joy and excitement Yusuke showed when he was interested in something.

Sure he had like NO filter but considering what they’ve all seen of Madarame both in the real world and the Metaverse; Ryuji doesn’t blame Yusuke for not really knowing how to talk to people.

Yusuke was weird yeah but… Ryuji still wanted to know him better.

---------

It took about a week (Ryuji never wanted to see the Sayuri painting ever again) but the group finally reached the treasure and all that was left was getting the Calling Card ready.

Ryuji volunteered to write it again and have Yusuke punch it up a bit. The two decided on work on it in the diner. Maybe not the best idea to do it in public but they went to different schools, definitely couldn’t do it at the shack, and even though ma would be at work tonight, it would feel awkward to bring Yusuke to his apartment. So this was the best option (plus it got Yusuke fed.)

It took them about an hour and half between Yusuke drawing a new logo (“Yours is… done well enough though perhaps not suited for our purposes”,) the two figuring out what to write (“When I did the one for Kamoshida, I called him the “Utter Bastard of Lust.”” “Hm… if we continue the theme of the Seven Deadly Sins, I feel Madarame would be more “a sinner of vanity””,) and actually getting something to eat.

Ryuji was pretty damn proud of what they made.

But… there was still one more thing he needed to do…

After fighting side by side with the guy, Ryuji figured that he can trust him.

“Hey Yusuke...”

“Hm?”

Come on Ryuji. Now or never. How’d that phrase go? Don’t think, feel.

“There’s something ya need to see.”

Ryuji shrugged off his school jacket and pulled out a new marker from his pant pocket.

“Ryuji what are you...”

Before Yusuke could finish asking or before Ryuji decided to change his mind, he started to draw on his arm. It had been a long while and it ain’t like his art skills actually improved but he had a decent memory, hopefully Yusuke’s is a lot better.

Yusuke watched as Ryuji continued his drawing (he couldn’t help but wonder if he watched with the same intensity the first time.) Before long, Ryuji started to add in the details and that was when he noticed Yusuke’s eyes widen. The blue haired artist quickly pushing his sleeve up.

Just as expected, the dragon was on his arm and the details appeared as Ryuji continued.

Honestly Ryuji could stop right there but he felt that he needed to finish. The two sat in silence until Ryuji finally capped the marker and looked at Yusuke.

“...How long had you known that we were connected…?”

“Since we first met. I saw my handwriting on your wrist when you were being all dramatic and swinging your arm around. You didn’t really… I mean… I guess it didn’t really feel like the right time ya know?”

“I will admit that my behavior toward you all in the beginning was less than acceptable. Nevertheless...”

Yusuke smiles as he traces the copy of the dragon drawing on his arm.

“...I rather missed this...”

“Yeah… me too… Maybe… maybe after we change Madarame’s heart...”

Ryuji took a deep breath as his face turned red.

“M-maybe we could uh… just… hang out, get to know each other better. Ya know, do something other than writing and doodling on our arms.”

“...I would like that.”

[grandthorkiday]

Mob AU “Playthings” Part 19

[Link to mob!au anon’s “Playthings" fic tag]

[Start at Part 1]*

(*Note: Link is editable for other parts, just change the number. For mobile users, tag is “playthings part1”)

~2011~

Ashley was a sweet girl, if a tad annoying. She had a laugh that was a little too high and made her sound like she was going down a bumpy road. She wore too much jewelry, make up, and perfume, and when she talked in her thick Jersey accent she had tendency to smack her lips and talk with exaggerated gestures. But Mario didn’t keep her around for her conversational skills, as he was fond of saying when he smacked her large bottom as she walked by. Of the frequent hanger ons who came and went from the penthouse, she was Thor’s favorite.

“I brought yah something!” She called as he returned from working out in the hotel gym.

“You really didn’t have to,” he said, but was still excited to see what it was. He looked around. “Where’s Loki?”

“Oh he went with Gast somewhere. Focus!” She snapped her fingers and her rings clanged together. She tossed her overly large purse on the table and pulled out two large books. “Told yah my cousin went to college for this crap. Never finished, and tell him, Jay if you don’t finish sell yah books. Nah, Ash, I’m gonna finish. My ass he’s going to finish. He’s making enough doing the rackets. But here, you take ‘em!”

Thor took the books like they were precious treasure. ‘Medieval European History: An Introduction’ and 'The Viking and Their Legacy on the Early Modern World’ were heavy volumes. But there was art within the pages and most of all, it had nothing to with his current circumstances. He opened the page of one of the books to a picture of a war hammer and spear being laid out on a table by an anthropologist, showing the ceremonial markings and and decoration on both.

“This has some examples of actual art, right?” he asked, feeling a twinge of guilt at being so greedy with his desire.

Ashley didn’t seen to care. “'Course it does! You know, you can go to a bookstore and get a book on that! You already go and get your art stuff there.”

“I-I don’t want to ask,” he said, placing the book down. Asking was not the right word. Gast would want him to beg, for every cent and dollar. To leave the penthouse and get a book from the chain store two blocks away. He would have to debase himself. He already did that for art supplies, he didn’t think he could do it for a book. Maybe, if he was good, he could simply ask for a few books. If he was really good, Grandmaster would just shower him with whatever he asked for. He had to be good.

[read more cut]

“You draw anything new?”

He blinked a few times before answering. “Oh, uh, yeah. One moment.” He never left his sketchbook too far away from him. The penthouse crew had a 'habit’ of going through it and doodling over some of his sketches if he left it out of field of vision. Sometimes, Gast would have them punished if he caught them. Sometimes he would ask for a pen and make his own drawings. Thor really didn’t want to risk it.

He handed the sketchbook to Ashley who greedily snapped it up and opened it. She squealed in delight. “These are amazing!! Seriously, this hand and flower! I would totally get this done! Well, if Max let me get a new tattoo. But,” she turned the page and sighed, “oh this is just fucking gorgeous. You drew a cat and it looks so cute I wanna eat it up!”

“It’s Paul’s cat.”

“I know! And you should show him! He loves that thing. You never considered going into making tattoo art?”

Thor shook his head, trying not to laugh. Before he and Loki were kidnapped, he was an Econ major, desperately wanting to change his major to Medieval History. His Father would never expect anything less than him, though. Sketching and drawing was a hobby done behind closed doors, never encouraged except by his brother. He couldn’t even tell his mother that most of his drawings were tattoo inspired.

After they were taken, his education had stopped. Gast had floated the idea of letting them take online courses, but that was snatched away during one of their 'bad’ periods. Drawing became an escape. Grandmaster was his gentlest when he found him drawing and most people in the penthouse wanted a sketch, either for a tattoo or to just keep. Mario even turned one sketch into a shirt that he wore fondly during football season. Thor doubted Gast, however, would see the use or have the desire to put him through the training needed to be an artist.

As though summoned by the mere thought of him, Gast appeared with Mario at his side. Mario had a strange look of barely contained rage. Thor shrank instantly onto himself, gathering his new books closer to him. Suddenly Ashley having his sketchbook felt dangerous and he wanted to reach out and snatch it back. But he didn’t dare do that. That would bring attention to himself, and he wasn’t the one Mario was angry at.

“Hey, Ash!” the thug in question barked out, flexing his muscles as he crossed his arms. “Gotta sec to talk about the 'girl’?” They talked like this, even in the safety of the penthouse, most often. This vague way of speaking about their dealings. There were times, late in the evening and the dead of night when they would be specific. Old superstition someone once explained to him: the dark remains in the dark.

Ashley barely glanced up at him. “What about her?”

“She didn’t make it to the 'drop’. She and her 'merchandise’ are fucking gone.”

“Well she was on her way when I put her and the baby in the cab this morning.”

Mario rolled his neck in irritation and Gast chuckled darkly. “You didn’t go with her?”

The woman frowned and finally passed back the sketchbook who Thor nearly all but hugged when it was returned. “I ain’t going to see a kid sell a baby! I got betta things to do!”

“Like what?!”

“My hair for one!” She flicked her fire red curls over her shoulder. “And my nails! You want me pretty don’t yah baby?”

“I WANNA BE PAID TOO SWEET FUCKING HEART!”

“What you got there, Sparkles?” Gast asked. Naturally, this was directed at Thor and was said conversationally. Like there wasn’t a feeling of apprehension in the air.

Thor nervously showed his new books and sketchbook. Grandmaster waved him over and plucked them from his arms to examine them from his arms. He thumbed through one book before return them with a hum of mild interest. “You like this stuff?”

“Y-yeah,” he waited to see what happened. He ignored Ashley and Mario having a stare off.

“You know, there’s going to be a Medieval exhibit at one of the museums uptown. Forget which ones, but they want me to come by and throw some razzle dazzle on it. Maybe if you’re good, we’ll go.”

“Really?”

“Sure! Hey, sugar,” Gast leaned over and spoke to him like he was speaking to a child, trying to distract him, “how about you go to my bedroom and hang out with Lo Lo. I bet he could use the company.”

Maybe it was the idea that Thor was leaving that finally made it click in Ashley’s mind that she was in trouble. “Hey, he and I were talkin’!”

Thor was slowly already moving to the bedroom, however. There was still a morbid curiosity that made him want to turn back as Ashley called after him and Mario shouted her down. There was a human emotion to turn around and take one last solid look at what had been a friend and occasional ally. But if he looked back, would he still be good? No, it was better to be good and do as Grandmaster suggested.

The bedroom was large with a king sized bed and huge television built into the wall. Loki was laying on the bed in one of Gast’s robes, watching a period piece half-heartedly. He brightened though when Thor entered.

“Hey, how long have you been back?”

“Fifteen minutes. I got caught up talking to….someone.”

There was a sound of two people shouting from out in the living room.

“O-oh.”

“Hey, I got something.” He sat down on the bed and handed the books over to Loki. The younger man took them and began to thumb through them, smiling more with each page that turned. “I already got some ideas for sketches, but the information also looks really interesting.”

“Yeah,” the other replied, having to tear his eyes away from a sub chapter on the order of succession.

Thor took one of the books again and thumbed to the page with the hammer and spear. “I was thinking of sketching these two first. Make it look like heraldry.”

“Heraldry! Already talking like a professor!” Loki giggled.

“I was thinking of designing it as a tattoo…for you.”

The younger man blinked at him, taken aback. “For me? A tattoo? I don’t…”

He uncovered Loki’s left thigh. There were faded pink lines and crosshatches. One still looked red and recent. He reached out and touched the cut before the robe was yanked back into place. “I doubt it hasn’t crossed his mind the reason why you-”

“I don’t want to hear about-”

“I understand. I know. I know. Trust me…I can still feel where he touched me on the back the first time… in the shower….. But this,” he waved a hand to the scars under the robe, “This will not help.”

Loki laughed bitterly, “And a tattoo will?”

“Maybe. Think about it like this…he touches us now. It’s okay now, we’re used to it. We’re good. We…enjoy it now.” Admitting it out loud made him want vomit out every last trace of bile. But his brother was showing understanding and sympathy, so he pressed on. “But that first time. That first time was awful. Wouldn’t be easier to….edit what happened?”

“Edit?”

“He didn’t touch you here, Loki.” He gripped the other’s thigh. Green eyes began to tear up and he realized a little belatedly he had gripped too hard. He hoped the cut hadn’t opened and was bleeding in the Grandmaster’s bed.

“But he di-”

“No. Don’t think like that. Thinking like that makes it harder, doesn’t it? He touched your tattoo.”

“My-”

“Yes, your tattoo. I designed you an amazing tattoo and you have it and that’s what he touched.”

Loki looked at him for a moment with doubt before there was a female scream from the living room. He recoiled, his face looking full of terror. Thor gathered him in his arms and laid them back onto the bed, shushing his noises of distress. He found the remote and switched the television to something else, a random cartoon show. He turned the volume up and rocked the younger gently.

A few hours later, when Grandmaster would return, he would find his boys with the television still on to cartoons. Loki would be asleep using the robe as part blanket part teddy bear and Thor would be drawing the first draft of Loki’s new tattoo.

~2019~

“I know it’s stupid, and I never realized how much he took it to heart, but he was happy when I finally got it done. We saved so much money to get it,” Thor looked nostalgic for a moment.

“What happened to Ashley?” Tony asked, writing down a few things on his notepad.

“Well, once her hair grew back and her fingers healed, I think Mario sent her to one of the brotels. I mean,” he shrugged, “it was either that or she’s fish food.”

It was the casualness of how it was said that haunted Val for days after that.

[sesamestreep]

looking at you, looking right back

(Read on AO3)

SUMMARY: Cassian Andor buys a book, deals with a lawsuit and a Presidential election, and finally talks about his feelings. [AKA Jyn and Cassian and Season 2 of The Newsroom]

a/n: I finally finished the second installment of my Rogue One/Newsroom AU! You can find my embarrassingly extensive notes and the actual fic with proper formatting at the link above! And special thanks to my girl @taxicabsandcupcakes for her endless cheerleading and emotional support as I wrote this, as the kids say, absolute whopper of a fic. Couldn’t have done it without you!

Wednesday, November 9, 1:08 AM

Cassian pushes the door to the studio open with maybe more force than is strictly necessary. He’s honestly amazed he has the energy to be in a bad mood at this point, given that he’s had maybe eight hours of sleep collectively over the last week and they’ve been doing non-stop election coverage on air since this afternoon. He’s pretty sure he ate dinner at some point, but on his life, he couldn’t say what it was or if he enjoyed it at all.

Bursting into the back hallway behind the studio, his loud entrance startles apart a couple of junior staff members who look surprised and annoyed at his interruption. Given how close they were standing, Cassian can hazard a guess as to why they wouldn’t be happy to see him. Although he doesn’t understand how anyone can feel particularly amorous when faced with another four years under a president he considers to be a tyrannical despot, so maybe he’s not happy to see them either.

He brushes past them, mentally listing everything he hates about existence, including but not limited to: employee fraternization in the office, Orson Krennic and his rapidly multiplying lawsuits against the network and its staff, how goddamn long it’s going to take him to get back to his apartment in Queens tonight, corruption in politics, fascism, and the headache he’s pretty sure he’s starting to get at this very moment. He’s beginning to run out of steam when he spots Poe Dameron at the other end of the hallway, heading in his direction. When he sees Cassian approaching, he stops and waits.

“Great work tonight,” Poe says, when they’ve met in the middle. “You and Leia were on fire.”

“Thank you,” Cassian replies, by rote. He thinks about returning the compliment, but he can’t remember seeing Poe all night, and thus cannot come up with anything for which to praise him. Cassian knows he was around, but he has no idea what he was actually doing.

“I’m glad the network didn’t accept any of your resignations,” Poe says, earnestly, clearly not bothered by Cassian’s less than effusive response. “I don’t know what we’d do without you here.”

“You’d survive.”

“Scarif was a mistake, Cassian, but we all share in that responsibility—”

He holds up a hand to stop Poe in his tracks. “The senior staff—myself, Leia, Han, all of us—are the people who are supposed to take the fall for massive fuck-ups when they occur,” he says. “Not interns and associate producers. Not you.”

“And that’s very honorable of you. Really, it does you credit. But I’d rather work with you than replace you,” Poe says, seriously.

“That’s actually very sweet,” Cassian says, taken aback.

“I mean, one day I’ll replace you,” he adds. “Just not yet. I’m still so young and full of potential. Unlike you.”

“Oh, good. For a second there I was worried I was starting to like you, Dameron.”

Poe flashes his cinema star smile at that, and Cassian rolls his eyes.

“Where were you off to, anyway?” He asks, moving to continue past where Poe is standing.

“I was looking for you.”

“Really?”

“Well, I was looking for an excuse to leave the bullpen, and no one had seen you in a while, and so I volunteered to find you.” Poe falls into step with Cassian as he says this, even though it means heading back towards the bullpen from which he so recently escaped.

“Who was looking for me?” Cassian asks coolly, even though he can feel how the question makes his pulse jump.

“Leia, Han, you know. Everybody,” Poe says, shrugging, and Cassian’s heart rate evens out. Or maybe it drops in disappointment. There’s no way of knowing.

“There’s champagne,” Poe adds, as an afterthought, probably trying to tempt Cassian into the bullpen.

“That explains a lot,” Cassian says, grumpily, thinking of the junior staff canoodling a few feet behind him.

“Alcohol plus sleep deprivation are apparently quite the aphrodisiac,” Poe agrees, looking blatantly behind them and not even bothering to be subtle about it. “That and the relief at no one being fired over Scarif, and people are basically acting like it’s the end of the world.”

“Not one for the bacchanal, Dameron? I gotta say, I’m surprised.”

“Is that your way of saying you think I’m fun?” Poe asks, smiling, but it doesn’t quite reach his eyes.

“It’s my way of saying I think you think you’re fun, which is different,” Cassian replies. “Why were you trying to get away from the celebration?”

Poe shrugs in an ungainly manner. “Just not in the mood for it, I guess,” he says, looking at the floor.

“You’re not still in love with Leia, are you?”

“God, no,” Poe says, with a snort. “I mean, in the sense that everyone everywhere is a little in love with Leia all the time, I do love her. But I’m not in love with Leia, no.”

“So, who are you in love with?”

“I’m not—” Poe sputters. “Some of us have other stuff going on besides being romantically incompetent!” He accompanies this defensive statement by gesturing at Cassian, which he probably deserves but he’s offended by, nonetheless.

“Hey!”

“Sorry,” Poe says, rubbing a hand over his face. “It’s just, there is so much going on. With the election coverage, and the Scarif story, and the lawsuit, and Han and Leia getting engaged. I feel like my brain is gonna short circuit.”

It’s probably a testament to how much shit has happened at the network just in the last eight hours that Poe doesn’t even mention the incident with Cassian and Jyn. With everything else that’s happened, maybe everyone will just forget about it. He should really thank Leia for that, or Han. Whoever is responsible for their spontaneous and insane engagement in the middle of election night coverage.

“You should go home. Get some sleep,” Cassian says, to Poe, just as he’s pushing open the door that leads into the bullpen.

It’s a thousand times brighter in here than in the hallway behind the studio, which is normal, but it’s also packed with people drinking heavily and all talking loudly and at once, which is less normal. There’s confetti all over the floor, and everywhere Cassian looks there’s clusters of staff members deep in conversation, clinging to each other and laughing deliriously.

On the far side of the room, Han and Leia are standing in the middle of a crowd of people, holding their own champagne glasses and basking in the congratulations of their friends and co-workers. Leia, for her part, looks bewildered and her smile is so wide it’s probably hurting her face to keep it up. Han is next to her, with an arm around her shoulders, boisterously telling the story of the engagement that happened—to the astonishment of everyone—during a commercial break in the network’s coverage of the election results.

Cassian can’t hear a word Han is saying, but he punctuates whatever he’s just told the crowd around them by raising Leia’s hand and showing off her ring, to much ooh-ing from their audience. Leia looks up at her fiancé, then, with a wry expression and shakes her head and Han looks back at her with an absolutely goofy smile. Leia looks away, rolling her eyes, and makes eye contact with Cassian across the room. Her eyebrows draw together and she steps forward, but Cassian looks away.

“Are you going to congratulate them?” Poe asks, having seen this entire interaction.

“When the crowd thins out a little,” Cassian replies, turning his attention back towards Poe. “It’s not like they’re going anywhere.”

“I’ll drink to that,” Poe says, obviously thinking of everyone’s rejected resignations, and, in one smooth motion, stops a passing intern and slips the plastic flutes of champagne out of her hands. “Thanks,” he says, to Rey, while passing off one of the drinks to Cassian.

“Hey, those were mine,” Rey says, whirling around to menace Poe.

“You’re not old enough to drink, anyway,” Cassian says, and she glares at him too, for good measure. If he was allowed to have a favorite intern, Rey would be it, he thinks. She’s fiercely talented, terrifyingly competent, loves to learn new things, but she’s way too intense and has never met an emotion she can actually handle, aside from rage. If the network doesn’t hire her after she graduates from college, Cassian might just adopt her.

“Finn is, though,” she says, defensively.

“Both of the glasses were for him?” Cassian asks, innocently, delighted to be annoying her.

“Yeah,” Rey says, crossing her arms. “He’s a lush.”

“Well, then, I’m glad Poe confiscated them. We’re saving him from himself.” Cassian punctuates this by taking a sip of her drink.

Rey rolls her eyes at him and stalks off in annoyance, but he can see the smile small she’s trying to hold back with limited success as she goes off in search of more champagne. Halfway across the room, she runs into Finn, and clearly tells him what happened, from the way Finn looks over towards where Cassian and Poe are standing. Cassian raises his glass towards Finn, in a mock cheers, and Finn just shakes his head in amusement before mumbling something to Rey and going off on his own, presumably to get them new drinks to replace their stolen ones.

When Cassian turns away from this scene, he catches Poe still looking in their direction with a wistful, almost pained expression. Suddenly, his desire to escape the party is making a lot more sense.

“Not the intern, Dameron,” Cassian says. “Really?”

“Really what?” Poe asks, pulling his attention back to Cassian with some effort.

“That’s who you’re pining after?”

“No. No, I’m not pining. That is not what’s happening. I mean, I love Finn. And Rey! They’re the best! But they’re interns and they’re, you know, young and just starting out in the world.”

“These are all excellent points.”

“And you know I’d never take advantage of a relationship like that,” Poe says, his slightly distracted tone from before gone now that he’s focusing on Cassian instead. “If I had feelings for one of them, in particular, I mean. Which I don’t.”

“Right.”

“I know that there is a line. And that they’re here to learn and I’m supposed to be a mentor to them. And that’s not a responsibility I take lightly.”

“Hey, I know that,” Cassian says, putting a hand on Poe’s shoulder.

“Right,” Poe says, taking a long drink of his champagne. “Right, and it’s just that this job is crazy. I mean, the hours fucking suck and it’s very intense all the time. So, it’s hard to meet people outside of work, and then everyone who works here gets what it’s like and everyone’s so smart that you’re like, what’s the point of ever looking anywhere else? You know?”

“I do know, yes.”

“So you convince yourself that every person here is the love of your life, just because they’re smart and interesting and don’t get mad when you take a day to text them back because they’re just as busy as you are. But you also want to be professional, so you can’t just date every single smart, attractive person you meet here. You’ve gotta be careful, because you don’t want to be that guy, you know, around the office.”

“That’s...true.”

“But everybody around you feels the same way, and they’re all hooking up, while you’re stuck being a responsible adult. And so, you get to be alone and watch your super cool interns fall in love right in front of your stupid, responsible eyes and because you love them both, you’re happy for them. But it still sucks, you know? The being alone part, I mean.”

Cassian just blinks at this speech from Poe, unsure what to say or how he even got himself into this situation in the first place. “It does suck,” he finally answers, since that seems to be most of what Poe wants to hear.

It must do the trick, because Poe nods thoughtfully as he stares down into his champagne flute. He sighs, and runs a hand through his hair, looking exhausted.

“You should go home and get some sleep,” Cassian adds, squeezing Poe’s shoulder with the hand he still has resting there. “It’s been a really long...”

“Day?” Poe suggests, amused.

“I was going to say that, yeah, but honestly? It’s been a long year.”

Poe laughs at that. “It certainly has.”

“I can’t promise sleep will make any of it better, but it can’t hurt,” Cassian says, and he can’t honestly believe he’s giving Poe Dameron romantic advice right now, at one in the morning on Election Night, especially when he’s so spectacularly unqualified to speak on this subject. “I think all of us are just trying to make it through this, and it’s easy to want to cling to someone else rather than deal with your own problems. But you’re doing the right thing, no matter how much it sucks. And I’m proud of you.”

Poe looks astonished by what Cassian’s just said, probably because they are much more comfortable giving each other shit than praising each other. It’s just their dynamic; Leia treats Poe like a son, Cassian treats him like an annoying younger brother. But Cassian also knows how lonely this job can be, can relate to everything Poe said about being surrounded by intelligent, interesting people whose schedules suck as much as yours does and confusing that for being in love with them. When he was Poe’s age, working at Newsweek, he felt the same way. But the answer to that is not sleeping with all of their co-workers, especially not the interns, and he’s relieved he doesn’t seem to need to explain that to Poe.

“Thanks,” Poe says, faintly. “I just feel so old sometimes. I worry about...how many chances I might have missed, putting this job first.”

Cassian takes another drink of champagne, buying himself a moment to think of a response to that. “You’re not old, Dameron,” he finally says.

“Well, sure, compared to you…”

“You’ve got plenty of time,” Cassian continues, undeterred, but giving him an arch look nonetheless. “And plenty of opportunities ahead of you. Don’t let all of this get you down.”

Poe nods into his champagne flute. “Okay,” he says, sounding just barely convinced.

“Seriously, get out of here and get some sleep. I’ll make your excuses to Leia, if that’s what you’re worried about.”

“No, I’ve already congratulated her and Han. She’d probably tell me to go home herself, anyway.” With that, Poe drains the rest of his champagne in one go and hands the empty flute to Cassian. “Good talk,” he says, nodding once solemnly.

“Let’s never speak of it again,” Cassian adds.

“Deal,” Poe says, and offers his hand to Cassian. They shake on it, say their goodbyes, and Poe starts to make his way through the crowd, towards the exit.

Before he can even miss Poe’s company, Cassian feels someone walk up behind him.

“I know it’s been a rough few months, Cassian, but do you really need a drink in each hand?” Mon asks him as he turns to look at her.

“It’s more of a ‘I might have talked one of your employees out of having an affair with an intern and all I got was this empty champagne flute’ situation, ma’am,” he says, sardonically.

Mon winces at that. “If only I could get HR to care about what happens on this floor. But I think they’ve given up on the News Division as a lost cause,” she says, looking glum.

“Who can blame them?” Cassian asks, gesturing at the revelry going on around them.

“Yes, well, I suppose if I didn’t want something like this to happen, I shouldn’t have hired Han’s former girlfriend to be his E.P.”

“You expected this?”

“I thought it would either end with them married, or with them killing each other,” Mon says, solemnly.

“Well, they’re not married yet,” Cassian reminds her.

“You’re right. There’s still hope they might kill each other.”

Cassian laughs at that. “Are you enjoying the festivities?” He asks.

“I am. It’s nice to have my staff celebrating a victory for once, and to have everyone together,” Mon says, looking fondly around the room.

Cassian thinks, unhelpfully, of the lawsuit they’re still dealing with from Krennic, and how there’s still a cloud over the proceedings because of that. Not to mention that they’ve got another four years of the Palpatine administration to look forward to. Although, maybe no one else is thinking about that. Maybe they’re just enjoying the moment—the end of election coverage regardless of the results, the engagement of their friends, and everyone getting to keep their jobs are certainly things worth celebrating, after all. Maybe he should lighten up.

“I take it you’re not?” Mon asks, probably thinking the same thing as she gestures at his still-full champagne glass. She looks concerned, but Cassian doesn’t feel like having another heart-to-heart about office romances tonight.

“I think, given how little sleep I’ve gotten recently, I might already be legally drunk,” he says, playing it off. “Adding alcohol to that doesn’t seem like the answer.”

“That’s very sensible of you,” Mon replies, with a twinkle in her eye that tells him she thinks he’s full of shit.

“Speaking of, I think I’m going to head home. It’s going to take me a while, and I need the sleep…”

“Of course. We’ll need you well-rested for tomorrow.”

“Right. Tomorrow,” Cassian says, bleakly. “You don’t suppose there’s any chance there won’t be any news worth reporting tomorrow and we can all just take a break, do you?”

“If only,” Mon says, smiling in that tired way of hers.

“Yeah, I didn’t think so either,” Cassian says, shaking his head. “Goodnight, Mon,” he adds, as he turns to walk away.

“Oh, Cassian?” Mon calls, before he gets too far from her.

“Yes?”

“I do hope you’re feeling alright otherwise,” she says. When he just stares at her in confusion, she continues. “No bruising, I hope?”

“Bruising?” He asks, at a loss.

“I hear Jyn hit you rather hard with a very large book. I hope she didn’t leave a mark.”

Cassian opens his mouth to respond, but no words come to him. “I… It’s not—”

Mon holds up a hand to interrupt him. “Like I said, HR has given up on our department,” she says, and there’s something mischievous about her smile now. “So don’t let that get in the way of what’s going to make you happy.”

“Thank you,” Cassian says, still not sure what he’s supposed to say or do in this conversation. “Goodnight.”

“Goodnight, Cassian.”

Monday, October 24, 9:18 PM

“Listen, we sent him the questions ahead of time, so don’t let him equivocate on them. He’s had the chance to prepare, he should have answers ready.”

“I know,” Draven says, checking his email on his phone and not even looking at Cassian. “I have done this before, you know.”

“I’m aware of that. But you’ve also been going easy on guests during your interviews lately,” Cassian says.

“I have not!”

“You have, actually, so I’m warning you this time. Don’t let this guy off the hook.”

“Listen, I don’t think—”

Cassian is spared from Draven’s tirade by Jyn and Han entering the dressing room already embroiled in a screaming match.

“Listen, sweetheart, I was just trying to give you a reasonable explanation,” Han is yelling as he follows Jyn into the room.

Jyn stops just long enough to kick off each of her heels and send them flying into the wall. This move costs her about four inches of height, but, when she whirls back around to stare down Han, she looks no less intimidating. Cassian doesn’t know how she does it.

“First of all, fuck you,” Jyn begins, pointing a finger at Han. “Second of all, that is the third time you’ve called me ‘sweetheart’ tonight and, if you do it again, I’m gonna break each of your knuckles one-by-one and then hobble you, for good measure. And thirdly, there is no reasonable explanation for this, except that the network is sexist.”

“Hey, we’re trying to have a meeting here,” Cassian puts in, raising his voice slightly and gesturing between himself and Draven.

“Fuck you, too,” Jyn snaps, looking over her shoulder at him.

“I take it your segment went poorly,” he responds, mildly.

“The segment was fine, as always,” Han says. “This is about something else.”

“Then either enlighten us or go away,” Draven says, looking bored. Cassian’s always admired the man’s commitment to being above the workplace drama that’s constantly unfolding around him. The lone actual adult in a sea of overworked and sleep deprived people with the emotional maturity of toddlers.

“What are you contributing for the hurricane relief fundraiser?” Jyn asks him, arms crossed over her chest.

“The highest bidder gets to read the headlines at the top of the show for one night,” Draven says.

“They do?” Cassian asks, bewildered. When Draven just nods in response, he asks, “Wasn’t anyone going to consult me about this?”

“Of course not. They knew you’d say no,” Draven answers, simply. “What are you two offering?”

“Han is going to play a round of golf with the highest bidder,” Jyn says, rolling her eyes.

“You play golf?” Cassian asks, surprised.

“I learned years ago, to impress Leia’s dad,” Han replies, looking grim. “I still go every once in a while, mostly when Luke and Lando are in town. But I suck at it, so it’ll make some New York City fat cat very happy to pay to beat me at golf.” He adds, to Jyn, “You see? We’re all making sacrifices!”

“They’re not even in the same league,” Jyn shouts.

“What is going on?” Cassian asks, rapidly losing his patience.

“The network execs want all of the ‘on-air talent’ to offer something for the fundraiser, to bring in money for hurricane relief. And they’ve given us all suggestions of what our offers should be,” Jyn explains.

“And the rest of us have accepted our punishments with grace,” Han interjects.

“Only one of us is being asked to go on a date with some rich stranger,” Jyn fires back.

“When you put it like that, it doesn’t sound so bad,” Draven says, and Jyn flips him off.

“I’m still lost,” Cassian says.

“The network wants me to auction off the opportunity to go on a date with me,” Jyn says, her expression sour.

“Are you kidding me?!”

“You see?” Jyn says to Han, gesturing at Cassian.

“Like I said, we’re all making sacrifices,” Han begins, nonplussed by Cassian’s reaction. “You think Draven wants some bozo on his show reading the news? You think I want to play golf with some bourgeois asshole? Of course not! But we’re being accommodating, for fuck’s sake!”

“Sorry, I’m having trouble formulating a response,” Jyn says, putting a hand to her forehead. “I’m too impressed you know what the word ‘bourgeois’ means.”

“Bite me, Erso,” Han snaps.

“You even pronounced it correctly!”

“I’m serious. You’ve got nothing to complain about.”

“It’s completely different. Date auctions are creepy, and debasing. And they’re only asking me because I’m a woman,” Jyn says, hotly.

“No, they’re asking you because you’re an attractive woman,” Han explains.

“That’s worse!”

“I don’t see how.”

“I’m a serious journalist! I’ve got two PhDs in economics! They’re treating me like a bimbo!” Jyn looks to Cassian and Draven for support, only to find them watching her and Han like spectators at a particularly interesting tennis match.

“They’re trying to bring in as much money as possible. It’s for a good cause, don’t be such a tight ass,” Han says, with a shrug.

“I’m not being a—!” Jyn breaks off with a snarl and looks heavenward, as if she’s praying for the strength not to murder Han. “Why can’t these people just donate some money, without getting anything in return?” She grumbles.

“Have you ever met a rich person?” Cassian asks.

“Oh, so now you have an opinion,” Jyn says, caustically.

“I agree with you, of course,” Cassian says, shrugging.

“Ha! And so does Leia,” Jyn says, turning back to Han.

“Leia agrees that, in principle, it’s a bad thing to do,” Han corrects her. “But, in this particular case, she still thinks you should suck it up and do it anyway.”

“What?! Why would she think that?”

“Because she thinks you need to get laid,” Han answers, exasperated. “We all do.”

“Okay, okay,” Cassian says, stepping between them as he sees Jyn reach for a can of hairspray behind her. He doesn’t want to wait and see what she’s going to do to Han with it. “That’s enough. Han, I think you’ve helped enough for the night.”

“Well, I was—”

“No, thank you. That’ll do. See you tomorrow,” Cassian says, cutting him off.

Han seems to take the hint and leaves the dressing room, whistling smugly. Draven, too, recognizes that Jyn will probably do better talking to Cassian alone, and quietly heads out for the studio, giving Cassian a significant look before he goes that Cassian doesn’t have the energy to analyze the meaning of.

When he’d stepped between her and Han, Cassian had put his hands on Jyn’s shoulders to keep her in place. As soon as Han leaves, Jyn drops her head into her hands and her shoulders sag in defeat. Cassian keeps his hands where they are and rubs his thumbs back and forth over her shoulders, trying to be soothing. The movement bunches the stiff fabric of her shirt, making waves appear in the white cotton. He focuses on this, gets distracted by it instead of thinking about pulling Jyn closer, into a real embrace, because that would be a bad idea. Even thinking about it is a bad idea. Physical affection isn’t a thing they do, and they’re not going to start now, not after what Han just said. It would absolutely not help anyone if Cassian were to pull Jyn into his arms. She doesn’t need that, and neither does he.

Jyn sighs, and he doesn’t think about it, doesn’t think about anything. “I’m gonna kill Han,” she says, more to his shirt than to his face, and Cassian almost chokes on the relieved laugh that bubbles up in his throat.

“I’ll help you hide the body,” he says.

“I know,” she says, and they’re quiet for a moment. “Am I really being a killjoy?” She asks, softly, as if she doesn’t even want Cassian to hear her.

“No,” Cassian replies, and she pulls back to look at him fully.

“You’re just saying that to placate me.”

“I think you know me better than that,” he says, dropping his hands from her shoulders just a little too late to actually be considered casual. “Since when do I lie to make you feel better?”

“You almost never lie to me, as far as I can tell,” Jyn admits. She’s giving what he said too much consideration, as far as he’s concerned, and that’s never a good sign. “You do have this way of twisting the truth to suit your purposes, though,” she adds.

“Do I?” Cassian asks, and he feels like he’s on uncertain ground with this conversation. “Isn’t that just another way of saying that I lie?”

“No, because technically what you’re actually saying is true, but it’s just not the entire truth, you know?”

“I don’t. What the fuck are you even saying?” He asks, trying to keep his tone light, like they’re just teasing each other.

“Like right now. I asked you if you thought I was being a killjoy about the fundraiser and you said no. And I think that’s the truth,” Jyn says, and Cassian ignores how attractive he finds her when she gets that academic, let’s-test-your-hypothesis kind of tone in her voice that she must use with her students during her lectures. “But I also think you’re going to tell me I should do what the network wants me to do, anyway.”

“I’m not.”

“Really?” Jyn asks, her eyes rounding in astonishment, and goddammit, that’s cute too.

“Really. But, just out of curiosity, what did you think I’d say in defense of this date auction idea?” Cassian asks, putting a great deal of effort into keeping his expression neutral.

Jyn rolls her eyes at the question. “You know, I feel like you’re about to prove me right.”

“That’s the last thing that I want,” Cassian says. “You’re insufferable when you’re right.”

Jyn laughs at that, and he can see the tension in her shoulders ease, just a little. She crosses her arms over her chest, and thinks over her response. “You would say,” she begins, slowly, “That I shouldn’t let Han have the last laugh and I should show him that I can be fun and not take myself too seriously. That agreeing would prove that I wasn’t scared off by the idea of some stranger bidding on the opportunity to take me out on a date. That it would make the network happy, and that would be beneficial to me in the long run. And then you’d say it’s for charity and I should suck it up and deal.”

Cassian is about to respond, when Jyn continues, “But of course your argument ignores the fact that, if I did let them auction off a date with me, it would be the height of vanity and it would also make them very little money, which would be an embarrassment for everyone involved, but particularly for me.”

“God, you don���t actually believe that, do you?” Cassian asks, unable to stop himself from laughing.

“Which part?”

“That you wouldn’t raise any money.”

“I absolutely do,” Jyn says, defensively. It just makes him laugh again. “Who on earth would want to pay to go on a date with me?!”

“I don’t know, anyone with eyes?” Cassian suggests. “And probably a few people without them.”

“Don’t say that just to—”

“Make you feel better?” He asks, sounding a bit hysterical to his own ears. “We’ve been over this and you know I wouldn’t.”

Jyn doesn’t have a response to that, he notices. Instead, she stands there in the dressing room, looking like she’s trying to do calculus in her head. Actually, that might be easier for her than dealing with someone complimenting her. Finally, after a few moments of deliberation, she asks, “So you do think I should do it?”

Cassian laughs, not so much out of amusement as intense frustration. “No, not at all,” he says.

“Because it’s degrading? And creepy?”

“Yes. And because you’re uncomfortable with the idea, and it’s putting you in a somewhat risky situation,” Cassian says, and Jyn nods at each of his points, looking at her feet. “But, honestly, the real reason I don’t think you should agree to it has nothing to do with you.”

Jyn’s head shoots up at that, and she gives him a searching look. “What are you talking about?” She asks.

“If you agreed to this, and really ended up going on a date with somebody from the auction, I would be a nervous wreck the whole time. I wouldn’t get any work done,” he says, watching her carefully. Her expression is one of pure shock, her mouth opening in a tiny “o” and Cassian wishes she hadn’t stepped back from him before. He wishes she was still close enough to put his arms around her.

“I could text you that I got home safely. Afterwards,” Jyn says, regaining the power of speech with some effort.

“That’s not what I’d be worried about,” Cassian says, and she snorts in disbelief. “That’s not all I’d be worried about,” he amends, and earns himself a puzzled look from Jyn. “It was bad enough when you went out with Leia’s brother.”

“That was months ago,” Jyn says, sharply. “What does that have to do with—?”

She never gets the chance to finish her question, because that’s the moment Draven chooses to pop back into the dressing room, and declare loudly, “Alright, Andor, we’ve got a show to do. Is everything sorted?”

“Well, actually, we were just—”

“All sorted,” Jyn says, cutting Cassian off. When he looks at her, it’s like a wall has gone up. He wouldn’t have the slightest clue how she was feeling, if it weren’t for the obvious tension in her shoulders. As if following his glance, Jyn drops her hands to her sides and rolls her neck. “I’m going to donate a signed copy of my book for the auction.”

“That’ll really bring in the money,” Draven says, drily. “After all, nothing’s sexier than a thousand-page discussion of wartime economics.”

“Depends on who you’re talking to, I guess,” Cassian says, earnestly, just to piss Jyn off. Judging by the warning look she sends him, he succeeds.

“Save your money, Draven,” Jyn says, with a scowl. “I’ll give you a copy for free.”

And, with that, she stalks out of the room without sparing either of them a second glance.

Wednesday, November 9, 1:22 AM

Cassian makes his way to his office through the endless sea of drunk staffers. He’s fairly certain that he left his wallet and keys in his desk drawer and he’s completely certain he needs those items before he can actually go home. He tries, with limited success, not to think about what Mon just said to him, and the fact that she probably knows everything that happened with him and Jyn tonight because the story has already made its way through the entire staff by now. The only reassurance he can find in any of it is that most of the staff are probably so distracted by their own workplace relationships, given what he witnessed in the bullpen, that they will be too busy to gossip any more about his relationship with Jyn.

Finding the coldest of comfort in this, he retreats into the merciful silence of his office. Inside, he finds his jacket draped over the chair in front of his desk, and while he’s double checking that his keys aren’t in the pockets, he suddenly remembers that he did, in fact, eat dinner, because he ate in his office with Jyn while they talked about voting trends in women across socioeconomic lines. No sooner does he remember this than he hears someone clear their throat from behind him and, as if she’s been conjured by his memory, he knows it’s Jyn.

He turns to look at her and finds her leaning in the doorway, hesitating as if she’s not sure she’s allowed to venture any further. He opens his mouth to say something—to tell her to come in, or maybe something cooler than that—but, as always, she beats him to the punch.

“I hear you’re getting sued,” Jyn says, in the same tone he’d expect her to use if she was talking about the weather.

Cassian deflates, all anticipation and nerves going out of him at once. “It’s not a big deal. Technically, I was already being sued.”

“No, the network was being sued and—”

“And I’m a part of the network.”

“Krennic is suing you, separately and personally, for defamation. Because you gave him an aggressively bad reference for a job after he was fired,” Jyn says, and she’s putting on a big show of speaking slowly and patiently when she’s clearly ready to scream at him. “Were you ever going to tell me?”

“Clearly, I didn’t have to. You already know as much as I do about it,” Cassian says, easily, but he can feel himself getting angry too. And, maybe, just maybe, there’s a little guilt mixed in there as well.

“What is it with you and withholding information from me?” Jyn asks, and she’s apparently done being patient with him.

“Was I supposed to come pull you off the air, in the middle of Election Night coverage, to tell you about some pathetic lawsuit from Krennic?” Cassian asks, disbelieving. “I didn’t tell anyone, Jyn. We were all dealing with shit that actually mattered!”

“If you didn’t tell anyone, how does everyone know about it?”

“Because no one here knows how to mind their own goddamn business!”

There’s really no disagreeing with that, and Jyn must know it from the way she throws her arms up in frustration. She turns slightly away from him, and Cassian knows from arguing with her almost constantly that she’s regrouping, trying to figure out how best to get him to admit that he’s wrong.

“You still should have told me,” she says, quietly, after a moment. It’s a weak move, coming from her. Normally she’s better on the offensive than this. Maybe she really is hurt. “I’ve known Krennic the longest out of anyone here. I need to know when he’s being an asshole to you,” she adds, more firmly this time.

“Why?”

“Because I’m responsible for the damage he’s done here. I should have made sure they never hired him. I knew he was awful, and I shouldn’t have shut up about it until Leia paid attention to me.”

“That’s bullshit,” Cassian says, more quietly than he meant to. It feels like the air has been knocked out of his lungs. “You’re not responsible for his actions, Jyn. He is.”

“I know, but,” she says, pausing in frustration, “I could have done more to limit the damage. And now he’s suing you and I had to hear about it from Taidu!”

“Taidu told you?! He’s in D.C., how did he even hear about it?”

“How should I know?” Jyn snaps. “But I’m glad he did, because you were certainly never going to tell me.”

“What good would it have done?” Cassian asks, struggling to keep his voice down, to stay calm in the face of Jyn’s irritation.

“I would have heard it from you.”

“And?”

“And I would have known that—that it mattered to you that I knew,” she says, struggling over her words in a way he’s not used to from her. It must be odd for her too, because she frowns when she’s finished talking, as though she’s not satisfied by what she’s said.

“I would have told you,” Cassian insists. “I was just waiting for the right moment. When the madness had died down.”

“Sure, just like you told me about the book,” Jyn says, rolling her eyes.

“You were never supposed to know about the book!”

“And you wonder why I don’t trust you to tell me things!”

“This is different!” Cassian shouts, frustrated. “I would have told you about the lawsuit, but I didn’t want to ruin Leia and Han’s whole engagement celebration with bad news. And I know you’re as exhausted as I am, so I thought I’d wait to upset you. I was being considerate.”

“And what were you being when you didn’t tell me about the book?” Jyn asks, and he should have seen that question coming. He walked right into it.

“I was being...a good friend,” he says, hesitantly. He feels his shoulders slump even as the words come out of his mouth, that’s how pathetic of an explanation he feels it is.

“A good friend?” Jyn repeats, with an eyebrow raised at him in disbelief.

“Yes,” Cassian says, doubling down on his stupid answer. “You were worried about not raising any money in the auction, so I bid on your book. So you wouldn’t worry.”

“I forgot all about it,” she says, evenly.

“Oh,” he replies. After a second, though, he finds he can’t let it go. “You forgot about it?”

“Yes.”

“After you and Han had that huge fight about auctioning off a date? And I had to talk you out of killing him? And you and I had a whole thing about it? You forgot?”

“Yes,” Jyn says, as if he’s hopelessly dense. “If Finn hadn’t mentioned it, I would probably never have thought of it again.”

“So this is Finn’s fault?” Cassian asks, feeling more justified than ever in stealing that champagne from him earlier.

“No, this is your fault,” she says, looking bored. “You’re the one who bought the book.”

“I did it anonymously! I used a fake name and everything.”

“You used multiple fake names! To invent a bidding war, so that I would think multiple people bid on my book,” Jyn says, gesturing at him emphatically. “And you drove the price up to nearly a thousand dollars! For a book that would cost you thirty dollars on Amazon! And that’s including shipping.”

“Do the ones on Amazon have your signature?” He asks.

“No, but neither does the one you paid nearly a thousand dollars for!” Jyn shouts.

“Wait, what?”

“Rose signed it,” Jyn says, looking at him with enough pity that he’s actually a little offended by it. “I forgot to do it before the auction, apparently she found out and signed it for me, before they had to send it out for the gala.”

“But there’s an inscription, in German,” Cassian says, weakly.

“She looked it up on Google. It doesn’t actually make any grammatical sense, by the way. I think it roughly translates to ‘I hope the force of this book is with you.’ It’s nonsense.”

“I can’t believe this.”

“Neither can I,” Jyn says. “You went to that stupid gala and bid on my book and drove up the price using a bunch of pseudonyms, just so I wouldn’t feel bad?”

“In my defense, Draven dragged me with him to the gala because neither you or Han could be bothered to put in an appearance and the network wanted someone from ACN to show up. I got a little drunk, because the event was boring and full of rich people I didn’t know, and the whole ‘bidding on your book thing’ just happened.”

“Not a defense, but okay.”

“How is that not a defense?”

“‘I was drunk’ is not an excuse that flies with me anymore,” Jyn says, shrugging in way that manages to be casual and full of disdain at the same time. “Maybe if you’d met me when I was 23, it would. But not now.”

“I wasn’t ready for you back then,” Cassian says, trying for a teasing tone.

“You’re barely ready for me now,” she replies, and, hell, she’s not wrong.

Cassian lets that sit for a moment. “How did you figure out it was me?” He finally asks.

“Finn looked up the records from the auction, because I wanted to get a copy that I actually signed to the person who bought it,” Jyn says, looking at the ground. She’s always embarrassed to be seen as giving a damn about anything, a leftover from her time working in finance, where she had to be cutthroat to get ahead. Working here has helped with that, as far as Cassian can tell, because everyone else is so painfully earnest all the time, but old habits still die hard.

“He recognized the names from the auction as different characters from Hitchcock movies,” she continues. “I spotted that ‘Companion to Alfred Hitchcock’ book on your desk when we were eating dinner. I’m very intelligent and I made the leap.”

Cassian rubs his hands over his face and tries not to think about what level of idiocy it takes to leave the book that Kay got him for his birthday out on his desk where Jyn could easily see it. “I’m going to kill Finn,” he says, still not thinking about it.

“Don’t do that,” Jyn says, looking exasperated. “He’s been interning here for almost a year and we only just got Han to stop calling him ‘Frat Boy.’ He’s been through enough.”

Cassian makes a frustrated noise in response, but says nothing.

“And besides,” Jyn continues, ignoring him, “this is your fault for using names from something I could easily find in your office.”

“It was never meant to hold up to this much scrutiny,” Cassian says. He doesn’t admit he was thinking the same thing.

“Well, that much is obvious,” she says, unimpressed, and he decides against pointing out how much she sounds like Kay right now. Given the mood she’s in, she’d probably kill him and be done with it. Then again, maybe he should just let her kill him; that might be preferable to having this conversation.

“I’m serious, Jyn,” he says, scowling at her, instead. “I wasn’t trying to leave you clues. You were never supposed to figure out it was me. I didn’t think you’d ever look into who bought the book, I just thought you’d be happy that someone donated money to charity because of you.”

“If I had actually signed the book, I would have been.”

“So this is your fault, for not signing the book in the first place. Great. Case closed.”

“This isn’t my fault,” Jyn says, offended.

“If you’d just signed the book to begin with, I could have bought it and you’d have heard how much money you raised without the slightest bit of guilt,” Cassian explains. “And then you’d never have gone looking into the buyer and figured out the names were all fake and eventually traced it back to me.”

“So the problem isn’t that you lied, it’s that I caught you,” she says, and to anyone else she would sound calm, but Cassian knows her too well. He knows that she’s about to give him a piece of her mind.

“I...no,” Cassian says, backpedaling. There’s nothing Jyn hates so much as misplacing her trust in someone. “The problem is that you couldn’t leave well enough alone.”

Jyn actually snarls at that, turning away from him in frustration. She looks out the door to his office, from which the party going on in the bullpen is just barely visible. The glass walls and door do a sufficient job blocking out most noise, but the sounds of the staff celebrating still reach them, despite how far back from the bullpen Cassian’s office is set. After a few seconds of watching this in silence, Jyn runs a hand through her hair.

“You are the only man I can think of who would do something this romantic and refuse to take credit for it,” she says, sounding worn out and hollow. He can hear the smile in her voice too, but he knows that if he could see it, it would be a bitter one, her standard I-should-have-known-better-than-to-get-my-hopes-up expression.

“I didn’t do it to be romantic,” he says, without even thinking about it. He’s so used to denying things with her, denying them even to himself, that it just comes naturally.

Jyn turns back towards him, and even in the half-light of his darkened office, he can see that she’s hurt. “You didn’t?” She asks, her voice small.

“No, I mean—” He stops himself, frustrated. There’s no good way to explain himself. He’s going to offend her no matter what, and there might be no way back. This might be the argument that ends them, the one they never recover from. The idea nearly chokes him, that this could be how he loses her, without ever really having had her to begin with.

“I didn’t spend that money so that I could one day lord it over you and use it as leverage to get you into bed,” he says, and really, she thinks he’s romantic?

Jyn blinks at him, uncomprehending. “I didn’t think that was your plan,” she says, crossing her arms over her chest protectively.

“I didn’t have a plan, at all,” Cassian says, and just moving one step closer to her takes so much more effort than he was prepared for. “I just couldn’t sit back and do nothing, when you were upset. I thought I was helping.”

“You were being a good friend,” Jyn says, not really to him, but almost as if she’s trying to convince herself. “And you just wanted me to be happy.”

“Yeah, I want you to be happy,” He says, repeating her words as though he’s in a trance.

This is easy, he thinks, blaming his feelings on friendship. It’s familiar territory that he retreats to constantly, a place he knows all too well. But, in his head, he can also hear what Mon told him. Don’t let that get in the way of what’s going to make you happy. Except the company and its policies have never been the things that were standing in his way; the thing standing in his way has always been him.

“Well, thank you,” Jyn says, quietly, to the floor. “I’m sorry for what happened, after I found out about the book. It was dramatic and unprofessional, and it won’t happen again.”

“If you ever need to throw a copy of your book at me again, at least wait for it to come out in paperback,” Cassian says, trying to bring them back to normal with a joke.

“I didn’t throw it at you,” Jyn says, rolling her eyes. “I pushed it into your chest. Forcefully.”

“It still hurt,” he replies, putting a hand to the exact spot on his chest that Jyn had hit with an actual signed copy of her book hours ago.

She’d stormed into the control room with it, at the exact moment they were about to call the election, and, ignoring Leia’s direction to get her ass onto set where it belonged, Jyn had shoved the book into Cassian’s chest with enough force that he actually stumbled backwards. He was on the point of complaining about whatever injury Jyn had just inflicted on him, when she gave him a smacking kiss on the lips that made him forget all about the pain he was feeling momentarily. Before he could react or reciprocate, Jyn had turned on her heel and stormed right back out the way she came and went back on set as though nothing had happened. If it weren’t for the stunned reactions of all their co-workers in the control room, Cassian could have convinced himself it was all a hallucination, brought on by lack of sleep and stress. But he still has that copy of her book too, sitting on his desk even now, to remind him.

“‘Life is pain, Highness,’” Jyn says, now, quoting one of the four movies she’s actually seen in her entire life with a sad shrug. “‘Anyone who says differently—’”

“Yeah, yeah. I know,” Cassian interrupts, and the smile he gives her is just as sad.

They let the silence stretch between them, as it seems neither of them know what to say next. They should probably both take Cassian’s advice to Poe from before and call it a night, given how exhausted and overworked they both are. What they both need is a good night’s rest, so they can come back to work tomorrow—today, goddammit—and focus on their jobs and not on any of this interpersonal stuff that’s been distracting, well, him, at least.

“I, uh,” Jyn starts to say, looking sheepish, “I have Bodhi on damage control, by the way.”

“Damage control?” He asks, bewildered. What else could have possibly gone wrong?

“For the whole scene in the control room,” she says, looking at her feet. “He’s telling everyone I lost a bet to him.”

“You...lost a bet?” Cassian asks, feeling dense.

“Yeah, and that’s why I had to barge in there during the broadcast and kiss you in front of everyone.”

“Oh.”

“I just don’t want it to become a thing, with the junior staff. They have enough to gossip about, as it is. I wouldn’t want to put you through that, just because I had a momentary lapse in judgement,” Jyn says, looking as uncomfortable as he’s ever seen her.

“Right,” he replies. He wants nothing more than to ask why she kissed him, especially after she threw a book at him, but it doesn’t feel like the best move, at the moment. “That’s good thinking, on your part.”

“Well,” Jyn says, trying to shrug it off.

“It’s well thinking?” Cassian asks, innocently, just to test the waters.

She cracks a smile at that, and it feels like the whole world rights itself for a moment. “You’re an idiot,” she says, still not looking at him.

“Believe it or not, I knew that already.”

“Speaking of you being an idiot—”

“Oh, no…”

“What’s going on with you and Leia?” Jyn asks, and it’s maybe the last thing Cassian expected to come out of her mouth.

Friday September 16, 11:45 PM

Cassian walks into the bar a few hours late for drinks with the staff, if the dwindling numbers are any indication. Most of Leia’s crew is already gone, and only a few of his people made it out. It’s one of the perils of working for the show in the ten o’clock slot; you miss out on a lot of social events. It doesn’t usually bother him, it might not even now, it’s just something he thinks about, in situations like this.

Baze and Chirrut are there, though, a fact he notices mostly because Jyn is sitting with them, and his eye always goes straight to her in a room. They’re all seated together on some sleek black leather couches in the middle of the room, surrounded by a few other staffers but involved in their own, separate conversation. Jyn’s got her head resting on Baze’s shoulder, and Cassian wonders if it’s because she’s drunk, or tired, or just trying to get closer to Chirrut, who’s talking to her animatedly from Baze’s other side. It’s probably all three at once, he decides when he’s thought about it for a second.

He’s debating with himself whether he wants to get a drink and go over to them, as there’s no one else he particularly feels like talking to, when he spots Leia alone in a small booth on the back wall, glaring at her phone. He’d rather talk to Leia than interrupt the happy moment between the others, so once he’s ordered his whiskey, he heads in her direction.

“What is it?” He asks, as he slides into the booth next to her.

“Another email from the legal team,” Leia says, still frowning, without looking up. “What else is new?”

Cassian inclines his glass towards her in a mock-toast she doesn’t acknowledge, and then takes a drink. “Do I even want to know?” He asks, once he’s braced himself.

“They need to schedule more depositions with the staffers. Which, a month ago, would have been the kind of bad news that sent me into a tailspin. Now, it’s like neutral news, at worst.” She sets her phone down on the table in front of her, and closes her eyes. She looks tired, but he knows better than to say so.

“We’re getting used to it,” Cassian says.

“Exactly. It’s the new normal.”

“When do you think we’ll get back to the old normal?”

Leia blows out a breath, disturbing a few loose tendrils of hair around her face. “I don’t think we will. I think it’s gone. Over. Things might calm down eventually, but there’s no going back.”

Cassian can’t help it, he looks over at Jyn again. She’s laughing at something Chirrut just said, resting her arm on the back of the couch so it’s halfway around Baze. “FUBAR,” he says, which makes Leia laugh.

“Exactly,” she says, raising her glass to him. She’s drinking a Cosmopolitan, which says something about her mood, though he’s not sure what. “I always forget you were in the military.” She hesitates at the end, like she wants to say too, but doesn’t want to annoy him. It wouldn’t, he thinks. She was embedded, she got shot in a war zone. It’s not the same thing as enlisting, as actually being a soldier, but he can appreciate what she went through, probably better than most people. Maybe that’s why she puts up with him.

“What makes you say that?” He asks, mostly because he doesn’t want to sit in silence.

“You’re not sensitive about it,” she says, then winces. “I didn’t mean it like that. You’re just not protective of the institution of the military. Politically, I mean.”

“It has its issues.”

Leia snorts. “That’s putting it mildly.” She pauses, then adds, more gently, “I was worried about bringing Scarif to you.”

“You should have been more worried,” Cassian says, and watches Leia deflate. “We all should have been,” he adds, to make his meaning more clear.

“It says something about the world we live in that none of us had that much trouble believing it,” Leia says, shaking her head. “Weapons of mass destruction. Huge government cover-up. It doesn’t even sound real to me now. But we bought it enough to stake the entire network’s reputation on it!”

“We got bad intel. It happens.”

“We fucked up and rushed a story that needed more proof because we wanted to get there first,” Leia snaps, bitterly.

“Yeah, we fucked up,” Cassian says, since there’s no denying it. “But we also got fucked over. By multiple sources.”

Leia laughs again, but there’s little joy in it. “Well, at least it was by multiple sources,” she says, and it occurs to Cassian that she’s maybe drunker than she looks. “God, I practiced the speech I was going to give when I got my Peabody,” Leia whines, covering her face with her hands. “Now, we’re getting sued!”

“To be fair, you already have a Peabody,” he replies, putting an arm around her.

“I wanted another one, Cassian,” she says, shooting a petulant glare his way. She doesn’t shove him off, though, which means she’s not really upset with him.

“I know.”

“I can’t believe Krennic has the gall to sue us for wrongful termination,” Leia continues, well and truly on a tear now. “He edits the tape, misrepresents a key source’s statement, and then lies about it for months! And then sues us for firing him for it! It’s fucking insane!”

“God, I would have given anything to be in that elevator when you fired him,” Cassian says, with some heat. “I would have snapped his neck.”

“That’s precisely why you weren’t there,” Leia says, her tone dry, but there’s amusement lurking in her eyes.

“I don’t know how you refrained.”

“I was in shock. If I had to see him now, I don’t know what I’d do.”

“Jyn never liked him,” Cassian says, apropos of nothing, really. The thought was just in the back of his mind.

“None of us did,” Leia says, looking at him sideways. “Not really. We just needed someone to cover for Amilyn while she was gone. He seemed an inoffensive choice at the time.” Cassian snorts at that, but she ignores him. “Who knew he was so ambitious?”

“Jyn did. She warned us,” he answers, and feels Leia tense next to him. He pulls her in tighter, trying to be reassuring.

It must not succeed, because Leia’s tone is defensive when she says, quietly, “She knew Krennic through her dad, who had just died. She wasn’t in her right mind. That’s how I justified ignoring her objections at the time, at least. And I don’t remember you fighting me on it, either.”

“I’m not blaming you,” Cassian replies, keeping his voice low and not letting Leia get a rise out of him. “I’m not blaming anyone. I’m just saying…” He trails off, because what is he even saying? “Hindsight’s twenty-twenty, I guess.”

“You feel guilty?” Leia asks, and he’s surprised she even has to.

“For not listening to Jyn? Or for the entire Scarif debacle?”

“Any of it. All of it,” Leia says, her brow furrowed in thought.

“Yeah. For all of it,” He says. “I feel guilty about everything, all the time. But Scarif’s on a whole different level.”

“‘Institutional failure’ is the term they’re throwing around.”

“For good reason. It’s apt.”

“I know,” Leia says, and her expression is far-off. Her phone chirps with a text message notification. She looks at it, briefly, but doesn’t actually unlock her phone or reply to it. “It’s Han,” she says, without him even asking.

“Did I miss him?” Cassian asks.

“No, he didn’t come out for drinks,” she says, tonelessly. “He had a date with...someone. I can’t remember.” Her forgetfulness doesn’t appear to be feigned. Instead, she just looks exhausted and resigned in a way that makes Cassian’s heart hurt.

“What’s he doing texting you, then?”

“Your guess is as good as mine,” Leia answers, flatly.

He could push and ask what the text says, but he actively tries to avoid getting in the middle of Leia and Han’s weird dynamic. They are, mercifully, self-aware enough to know it’s fraught and fucked up. He doesn’t need to point that out, especially not now. Besides, grilling Leia about her love life is a surefire way to get her on his case about Jyn and he doesn’t have the energy for that conversation at the moment. Maybe they can just sit there, a pot and a kettle of the same shade, without calling each other out. That might be nice.

“None of this would have happened if you’d just made a move on Jyn when I told you to,” Leia says, suddenly, and so much for them being nice to each other.

“You never—”

“I set her up with my brother! I told you she was trying to get over someone she’d never dated!”

“Oh, you’re right. I’m an idiot for not divining that you wanted me to ask her out from that!” Cassian practically shouts. “It’s all so clear now!”

“Don’t be an ass,” Leia says, prim but sharp. “You’re not stupid, you know how she feels about you.”

“I wasn’t ready,” he says, feeling small and childish admitting it. “And if I had, somehow, decoded your subliminal messages and made a move, it wouldn’t have stopped the Scarif story. You can blame me for plenty, but not that. Not entirely.” When Leia says nothing in response, he continues, “And moreover, if I had taken your advice, I would have hooked up with Jyn a month before her father died. Not exactly auspicious timing for the start of a relationship.”

“First of all,” Leia begins, holding up a finger in a way that’s probably supposed to look authoritative but actually makes her look even more inebriated, “I’m glad you’re admitting that it would have been a relationship, instead of pretending you two could have kept it casual. You couldn’t have and I’m pleased you know well enough to know that.”

“I—”

“Secondly,” she continues, drawing the word out, “if you had made your move then, she’d have had you by her side, to lean on, when her dad died, and that would have made a difference, I think.”

“I was by her side,” Cassian says, indignant and stung. “Or have you forgotten the month after it happened where she practically lived in my office? Where I was the go-to source if you wanted to know where she was or how she was doing? What, in your expert opinion, could I have done for her that I didn’t do? I’m all ears.” Hurt, he starts to pull his arm away from Leia, but she’s too fast and grabs his wrist before he can manage it.

“No, no. You’re right,” Leia says, and she closes her eyes like she has to concentrate. “That was out of line, and I’m sorry.”

“Christ, Leia.”

“I know I’m being a bitch, okay? I’m sorry.”

“Let me go.”

“Not ‘til you forgive me.”

“It’s fine,” he says, exasperated. She squeezes his wrist, as if to say not good enough. “I forgive you.”

“Good,” she says, and lets go of his wrist to pat his hand where it still rests on her shoulder.

When Cassian looks across the room now, Jyn, Baze, and Chirrut have vacated their spot on the couch. He sees Chirrut heading out the door with his hand resting in the crook of Baze’s arm. Jyn is nearby, collecting her coat from the rack by the door. Putting it on necessitates her turning in their direction and even in the dark of the bar, Cassian catches the moment she sees him and Leia, how her eyes widen in recognition and then alarm, how her eyebrows draw together in confusion at them looking cozy in a back booth. It takes her a second longer to realize they’re looking back at her, but when she does her face clears, just a little, and she gives them a wave, really just extends her palm in acknowledgement, and then flips her hair out from under her collar and heads out into the night.

“Baze and Chirrut should have waited for her,” he says, not even pretending with Leia like he wasn’t watching. “They should have all split a cab or something.”

“They’re going in the opposite direction from her,” Leia says, simply. “Besides, she can take care of herself.”

“I know,” Cassian says, still looking at the door. “I mean, about her being able to take care of herself. I’ve never been to her apartment.”

Leia sighs, as if this is a great personal failure on his part. Which, it is, but if anyone should be sighing over it, it should be him. “I had a third point,” she says, out of the blue.

“Okay. What do you want to blame me for this time?”

“Easy,” Leia warns. “I was just going to say that you really need to overcome this idea that there’s a perfect time to start a relationship.”

“Did I say that?” He asks, knowing full well he’s hedging.

“Yes, you did. Indirectly, at least. And it’s bullshit. There’s no such thing as good timing. If you wait for everything to be exactly right, you’ll wait forever,” Leia says, gesturing a little wildly with her hands.

“But there is such a thing as bad timing for getting into a relationship,” Cassian says, while he processes what Leia’s just said.

“For example…”

“In the middle of a tornado,” he says after a moment of deliberation, just to make her laugh.

“At least then you’d have guts,” she says. Her eyes are a little watery, from laughing, from the alcohol and the late hour.

“I’ve got guts,” he replies, stubbornly.

“If you say so.”

“I do.”

“Okay. I’m just saying,” Leia begins, placatingly. “Sometimes, a girl gets tired of waiting.” She’s got that far-off look on her face again, and Cassian knows she’s not just thinking about him and Jyn.

As if on cue, her phone beeps with another text message. This time, she picks up the phone, and slides it open to read the message. Whatever it says makes her frown, and she immediately starts in on a reply. Cassian uses this as an opportunity to sneak his arm back and pull out his own phone. He dismisses the dozen email notifications he has, even at this time of night, and opens up his messages. Clicking on his conversation with Jyn, he sends a quick text.

Let me know when you get home safely.

“You know, you get this soppy look on your face when you’re texting her,” Leia says, startling him.

“No, I don’t,” he says, immediately, and pockets his phone.

“You’re right. It’s not just when you’re texting her. It’s also when you’re looking at her, or thinking about her,” she continues, undeterred. “You’re lucky she can’t see you when you’re in the control room and she’s behind the desk, because, PEW!” Leia mimes her head exploding, or something. “It’s just hearts, shooting out of your head, everywhere!”

“You’re doing it again,” he points out.

“What?”

“Being a bitch to me.”

“Oh, sorry,” she says, and at least she has the grace to look somewhat apologetic.

“It’s fine. You’re drunk.”

“No, I’m not!”

“You definitely are, but I’m not holding it against you,” he says, angling his body towards her.

“How kind of you,” she replies, drily. Her phone beeps again and she doesn’t even look at it, just tips her head back to rest on the wall of the booth.

Cassian checks his phone, finds no response from Jyn, and returns it to his pocket. She’s not always quick about returning messages, but he also wonders if she’s annoyed with him. “We should just marry each other,” he says to Leia, for some reason. It’s late, that’s probably why.

“You and me?”

“Yeah.”

“Oh, God. That’d be a disaster,” Leia says, laughing.

“Would it?”

“Of course it would,” Leia says, with so much certainty that Cassian actually envies her. “You and I, we…”

“Yes?” He prompts when she gets lost in thought.

“We take the world’s troubles on ourselves,” Leia finally says. “We want everything to be our fault, our responsibility, so that we can fix it. Two people like that in a relationship? Disaster. We need other people to lighten us up.”

“I guess you’re right.”

“I know I am,” she says, finishing her drink. She places the glass on the table and turns in towards him, putting a hand on his arm. “I didn’t break your heart, did I?”

Cassian smiles. “No. All in one piece, I promise.”

“Good,” Leia says, settling back again.

Cassian phone buzzes in his pocket and he fishes it out to find that Jyn’s replied to his text.

I’m home. Stop being a moron and pay attention to Leia.

“What is it?” Leia asks, not looking at him.

“Jyn’s home safe. And she’s mad at me,” he says, still blinking at the message.

“For what?”

“Snuggling with you, I think.”

Leia lets out a sharp laugh. “That girl puts my trust issues to shame.”

“She’s in a league of her own,” Cassian agrees, and starts on his reply.

Don’t be annoyed about Leia.

You should know better.

Glad you’re ok.

Are you calling me stupid?

In this particular case, yes.

Get some rest

xx

“Let's get out of here,” Leia says, distracting him from his phone momentarily. She rolls her shoulders as she sits up. “It’s getting late.”

Cassian looks back at the blinking ellipses on his phone screen that tell him Jyn’s typing. He clicks the screen off, and resolves not to watch his phone, impatiently anticipating a response.

“Yeah, it’s time,” he agrees, and follows Leia when she slides out of the booth.

Wednesday, November 9, 1:34 AM

“What?” Cassian asks, lost. “Nothing is going on with me and Leia.”

“She says you’re upset with her,” Jyn says, crossing her arms over her chest.

“I—no, I’m not. Why would she think that I am?”

“Because you haven’t congratulated her or Han on the engagement yet.”

“How do you know that?”

“She told me. She keeps asking where you are.”

“It’s not that big of a deal,” Cassian says, dragging a hand over his face. “I’m just not in a particularly festive mood.”

“You don’t have to be in a festive mood to congratulate her,” Jyn says, and apparently she’s not going to let him off the hook for this. “Are you actually upset with her?”

“No, of course not. Leia and I are fine.”

“Are you not happy for them?” Jyn asks, looking genuinely concerned. “You’re not in love with Leia, are you?”

“What? No!” Cassian almost has to laugh at Jyn asking him that, after he said the same thing to Poe. “I’m not in love with Leia.”

“But you’re not happy for her?” Jyn asks, her eyebrows drawn together in confusion.

“I am happy for her! If this is what she wants,” he replies.

“So you don’t think she’s happy, then?”

“Jesus, you’re relentless,” he says, and he’d probably be smiling at her tenacity if he wasn’t on the receiving end of it. “Where did you learn to interrogate people like this?”

Jyn rolls her eyes heavenward and motions at him, as if to say, from you, dumbass. “It’s almost like I’m a journalist, or something,” she adds, aloud.

“No wonder nobody wants to be on your show.”

“If you think you can distract me by being mean, it won’t work.”

“Sorry,” Cassian says, holding up his hands in defeat. “I’m just worried, that’s all.”

“About what?”

“It’s just very sudden. The thing with Han and Leia. And it’s been chaos around here lately, so I want to make sure they’re going into this with clear heads.”

“They were together before, you know. So it’s not like they don’t know each other. And they’ve been in love for years, even if they haven’t been in a relationship the whole time,” Jyn says. “Besides, maybe this means they’ll argue less.”

“I’m not holding my breath for that,” he says, and Jyn laughs.

“Okay, me neither,” she admits. “But they��re happier tonight than I’ve seen either of them in ages. So, I’m just going to hope for the best.”

“You?” He teases.

“I know, it’s a revolutionary concept for me,” Jyn says, rolling her eyes. “But I’m giving it a try.”

“I just don’t want it to go wrong again,” Cassian says. “Leia was a mess the last time.”

“Even if it does, she’s tough. She’ll get through it.”

“If she’s so tough, why does she care what I think?”

Jyn cocks her head to the side to look at him. “You have no idea how much your opinion means to her, do you?” she asks, disbelieving. “Leia admires you so much, Cassian. She wants to know that you approve.”

“No one is good enough for Leia,” he says, and it’s only kind of a joke.

“No, but Han’s willing to try. And that counts for something.”

Cassian can’t tell if Jyn meant it as a dig at him or not but, either way, she’s right. He might have his reservations about how their engagement came about, but that doesn’t mean he can’t be happy for Han and Leia, or optimistic about their future together. And if Leia cares as much as Jyn says about having his approval, well, it’s the least he can do.

“I was going to congratulate them on my way out,” Cassian says, only slightly begrudgingly. “I’m heading home now, I’ll make sure to see them before I actually leave.”

“You’re going home now?” Jyn asks, brows furrowed.

“Yes.”

“To Queens?”

“That’s where I live, so, yes.”

“You can’t go all the way to Queens at this hour,” Jyn says, aghast. “It’s going to take you forever.”

“It’s fine,” Cassian says.

“It’s late, and you’re going to get stabbed at the subway station,” she says.

“I’ve taken the train at this hour before and I’ve lived to tell the tale,” he replies. “I’ll be fine, Jyn.”

“At least take a cab home.”

“That will take almost as long and cost me as much as a month’s rent,” Cassian says, frustrated by this conversation and confused as to how he ended up in it. “The subway is fine.”

“You’re going to fall asleep and end up all the way in Jamaica,” she counters.

“No, I won’t. The pain from my stab wound will keep me awake.”

“Very funny,” she says, rolling her eyes.

“You don’t have to worry about me,” Cassian says, seriously this time. “I will be fine.”

Jyn bites her lip as she thinks this over, clearly trying to decide if she should keep arguing with him, and he doesn’t know which part he finds more attractive. He really needs to go home and get some sleep before he does something stupid.

Luckily, though, Jyn thinks of something stupid they can do first. “You could stay with me,” she says, and Cassian has to concentrate very hard on his breathing so he doesn’t choke on air.

“What,” he says, sounding hoarse, despite his best efforts.

“My apartment is a lot closer than yours, you could stay over. I don’t have a guest room, but I’ve got a couch,” Jyn says, and she’s speaking slowly and clearly in a way that makes Cassian think she’s trying very hard not to seem nervous. “It’s a nice couch, too. I’ve never slept on it, but it’s, you know, expensive. So I hope it’s comfortable.”

“You don’t know if your couch is comfortable or not?”

“I didn’t pick it out,” she says, helplessly. “I paid a decorator to do the whole apartment, because Leia said it looked like no one lived there and it was sad. And it’s a good investment, you know, if I ever decide to sell it.”

“It’s your home, Jyn. Not a real estate opportunity,” Cassian says, amused.

“I’m barely there, what do I care what it looks like?” She asks. “The decorator told me she did it in a Scandinavian industrial modernist style, which is very popular.”

“That sounds awful.”

“It’s...inoffensive.”

“What a ringing endorsement.”

“You’re really not going to come to my apartment because you don’t like Scandinavian industrial modernist interiors?” Jyn asks, putting her hands on her hips.

“I’m not going to your apartment because I want to go to mine,” he says. “It’s done in the Swedish eclectic bargain style.”

“What’s that?”

“It means I own exclusively mismatched furniture from IKEA and sheet sets with thread counts so low that no woman ever should consider me as a romantic prospect.”

“Says who?”

“Says the issue of Cosmopolitan Magazine I read at my doctor’s office a few weeks ago,” Cassian says.

“You read Cosmo?”

“Only when I’m at the doctor’s office.”

“You know you could just buy nicer sheets, right?” Jyn asks, clearly not sure whether she should be annoyed or amused by him.

“But then what would I blame for my perpetual loneliness?” He asks, only kind of kidding.

“Your personality, I’d think.”

“Thank you.”

“Well, it’s either that or your looks, and we both know those aren’t the problem,” Jyn says, and Cassian feels his face heat up.

“I didn’t know that, actually,” he says, quietly, because his throat has gone completely dry.

“Well, now you do,” she replies, shrugging and looking away from him.

“I’m not coming to your apartment, Jyn,” Cassian says, closing his eyes so he doesn’t get distracted. He’s so tired and his thoughts are so muddled. He knows what will happen if he goes to her place, he knows that he doesn’t have the willpower to keep his feelings in check once they’re well and truly alone together. And still, he wants nothing more than to give in, to go home with her and pretend this is all some casual fling he can lose himself in. But he knows she deserves better than that, and maybe he does too.

“I know you’re not,” Jyn says, resigned. “You’re going to be a martyr, and go to Queens, even though it’s stupid to do so.”

“It’s not stupid. I’m just trying to do the right thing.”

“What does that even mean?”

“It means, if I go to your apartment, I’m sure as hell not going to sleep on your couch. I know that, and I think you do too.”

Jyn blinks at him in surprise. “What are you going to do instead?”

“I’m going to ruin our friendship, the second I’m alone with you,” he says, trying to keep the desperation out of his voice.

“We’re alone right now,” she points out, helpfully.

“And I’m barely keeping it together. Imagine how I’d be in your apartment.”

“Okay, I’m imagining it…”

“I’m being serious, Jyn.”

“So am I,” she says, earnestly. “What’s the worst that could happen?”

“We end up sleeping together because we’re exhausted and overworked and stressed out and seeking distraction and it ruins what we have,” Cassian answers, honestly.

Jyn looks a little shell-shocked by this answer, but she recovers quickly. “And what do we have?”

“A professional relationship based on mutual respect and deep admiration for one another.”

Jyn smiles, clearly despite herself, at that. “And you don’t think we could have that and sleep together?” She asks, patiently.

“I can’t lose you, as a friend,” he says, desperately. “I know it’s possible we could have both, but I’m a disaster and you know that. If anything happened between us now, I’d just screw it up and I would never forgive myself for that.”

“Cassian, how long have you wanted to sleep with me?”

“I—What?”

“How long have you wanted to sleep with me?” Jyn asks again, calmly. When he still just looks back at her, open-mouthed with surprise, she adds, “Because I’ve wanted to sleep with you since we first met.”

“You have?” He asks, dumbfounded. “But I was such an asshole to you the first time we met.”

“You were, but you were also hearing me out even though I was yelling at you for something that wasn’t your fault and giving me helpful—not to mention, brutal—feedback.”

“That’s what makes you want to sleep with someone?”

“No. It’s what made me want to sleep with you,” she says. “And you still haven’t answered my question.”

Cassian swallows, trying to gather his thoughts. “The second time we met,” he says, finally. “You came back after our first argument with an entire point-by-point rebuttal of everything I’d said before. That’s when I knew.”

“That you wanted to sleep with me?”

“That I was going to fall in love with you, if I wasn’t careful,” he says, and his heart is beating so fast it actually hurts. “And I was so careful, after that. You talk all the time about how you can’t read people but even you must have known that I was holding myself back. But it happened anyway. I fell in love with you.”

He pauses and takes a deep breath. “I am in love with you. Present tense. I never could figure out how to tell you, because the timing never felt right and the words never felt like enough. And I’ve tried to keep my feelings to myself, but all that did was hurt you, which is never what I wanted to do. I’m sorry if I’ve given you mixed signals, or if I have been too cautious. I promise it was only because I wanted to get it right, with you. I wanted to make sure it was the real thing. I know now. I’ve loved you all along, and I can’t imagine I’ll ever stop. It’s just a fact of the universe now.”

Even in the dim lighting of his office, he can see that Jyn has tears in her eyes. He can’t tell if that’s a good or a bad sign, especially because she’s holding completely still and the look on her face is one of pure shock.

“You told me you didn’t have any romantic feelings for me,” she says, quietly, after a long stretch of silence.

“The only thing I told you was that I didn’t buy that book to be romantic, and I didn’t.” Cassian corrects her. “It can’t be romantic if I never had any plan for you to find out about it. But trust me, I have plenty of romantic feelings for you.”

“So you did that thing I hate where you tell me the truth but it’s only part of the truth?” She asks, crossing her arms.

If she were anyone else, Cassian would be worried by this, as a response to him confessing his love for her—four times, if he counted correctly. But this is Jyn, and he’s pretty sure arguing about petty issues of semantics is her love language. So instead of being discouraged, he smiles at her.

“I told you the complete truth, as far as the book is concerned,” he says, feeling lighter than he has all evening. “But I don’t want to have this argument anymore.”

“Oh, really?”

“Really. I have a feeling I’ll be having it for the rest of my life, anyway, if I spend as much of it with you as I want to.”

Jyn laughs in disbelief at that. She looks as though she’s struggling with a response, trying to come up with the right words to say, but in the end, she just shakes her head. Cassian is about to ask what she’s thinking, when she steps forward into his space, grabs him by the shirt, and kisses him again.

This kiss is just as intense as their first in the control room, with Jyn taking the lead and pressing her mouth to his insistently. To her, this isn’t a conversation—she’s just making a statement to prove a point—but Cassian wraps his arms around her waist, pulls her close, and makes it one anyway.

It’s useless, at this point, to pretend like he hasn’t thought about this. He’s thought about it a lot, in fact—when it would happen, under what circumstances, and how it would feel, to name just a few considerations. He’s thought of every angle. He can’t help it; it’s just how his brain works. And before anyone can accuse him of being a romantic, or worse, an obsessive pervert, he’s also pictured every way it could go wrong: every scenario where he finally gives in and kisses Jyn like he’s always wanted to and she doesn’t reciprocate, or pushes him away, or lets him down easy. Someone like him, he has to be prepared for all contingencies.

In spite of that, all of his thinking, and fantasizing, and worrying over this moment did not prepare him for it in the least. Cassian understands immediately that he could never have accurately imagined what kissing Jyn would actually be like. He wasn’t ready for the surprised noise she makes when his arms tighten around her waist, or the way her mouth softens against his once she realizes her originally defiant gesture is being met with enthusiastic reciprocation. In all his fantasies, he would never have imagined he would describe the way Jyn kisses him as gentle or sweet, and yet, in reality, it is both of those things.

She releases her grip on his shirt—which is now wrinkled from being grasped at—and slides her arms up around his neck, and it’s almost enough to make him shiver. In his sleep-deprived state, he recognizes the surge of adrenaline, how wide-awake and wired he feels suddenly, as a phantom brought on by his awareness of Jyn’s body being so close to his, in a way he’s wholly unfamiliar with. They’re not even the sort of friends who hug each other casually, under normal circumstances. Having her pressed against him like this now, every nerve and synapse feels like it’s on high alert.

The excitement of finally kissing Jyn after all this time and the exhaustion of the last several weeks at work seem to be fighting over possession of his body, and Cassian sways a little on the spot, overcome by both. He manages to right himself while still keeping a hold on Jyn, but he decides it’s probably best to pull back and reassess. When he tries to do just that, easing his way out of the kiss, Jyn bites down on his lower lip with enough force that he actually whines, and thank god they’re alone. Maybe “gentle” still isn’t a word he can use to describe her, after all.

“What,” Jyn demands, the word coming out like a growl.

“I just—” Cassian tries to say, but Jyn is now kissing along his jaw and words feel useless against that. He attempts to collect himself, difficult though it may be, and tries again. “I need a moment.”

Jyn must hear something in the tone of his voice, because she pulls back immediately, hands coming to rest on his neck and gives him a searching look. He can tell she’s watching him closely in order to puzzle out what’s wrong, so she can figure out the problem first and solve it. He loves so many things about her—her stubbornness, her obliviousness, how loyal she is with anyone who’s earned her trust, the way she argues with him—but really, he just loves the way her mind works. He smiles at her, at the comfort of knowing instantly what she’s thinking.

“What’s wrong?” She asks, warily.

“Nothing. Nothing is wrong,” he says, running a hand over his face. Of course everything he’s ever wanted would happen to him when he’s too exhausted to fully appreciate it.

Jyn continues to look suspiciously at him. “You’re sure?”

“Yes, I’m sure,” Cassian says, absentmindedly toying with a strand of hair that’s hanging by Jyn’s face, presumably loosened from its styling during their kiss.

“You’re not about to tell me we’d be better off as friends, are you?” She asks, and there’s a slight wobble to her voice that he definitely does not miss.

Cassian doesn’t mean to, but he laughs. “No, I’m not,” he says. “You’ve convinced me, thoroughly. We should definitely be the sort of friends who also kiss each other, among other things.”

Jyn, from what he can tell in the dark, blushes and ducks her head so he can’t see the way she bites her lip to hide her smile. He does see it, though, and loses a moment of coherent thought because of it. He is, in fact, so inspired by this that he’s dipping his head to kiss her again when she interrupts him.

“Does this mean you’re coming to my apartment after all?” She asks, and Cassian stifles a groan against her shoulder instead of reaching his intended destination.

“Jyn, you’re killing me,” he says, and he thinks he feels her shiver when his breath hits her neck. “Do you have any idea how tired I am?”

“All the more reason for you to stay at my place.”

“That’s really all you’re offering? A place to stay?” He asks, incredulously.

“Well, it’s not like I would mind if something else happened,” Jyn says, running her fingers through his hair in a deeply unfair move. “Would you?”

“Yes.”

“You would?”

“Yes, I would.”

“Didn’t we just have this conversation? What happened to me convincing you?” She asks, bewildered.

“I don’t want anything to happen tonight,” Cassian says, choosing his words carefully in spite of his mounting exhaustion. “I want to do this right. I don’t want to be too tired to appreciate that this is finally happening. And I should—I don’t know—take you to dinner first and make it official.”

“You really need to stop reading Cosmo. I don’t care about any of that.”

“I want you to know that I’m serious.”

“You’re rarely anything else.”

“Jyn, if I play my cards right, this is the last first date I’m ever going to go on,” he says, and his pulse is racing again. “Can you just let me have this?”

Jyn says nothing for a long time, which makes him nervous that he’s gone too far, but she also keeps carding her fingers through his hair, which reassures him slightly.

“I’ll let you take me out to dinner,” she finally says, cautiously, as if she’s worried about losing ground in their disagreement, “if you stay with me tonight. Just a place to stay, no other expectations.”

Cassian finally picks his head up off her shoulder and looks her in the eye. “Really?” He asks. “Nothing else?”

“It’s completely up to you,” she says, with a shrug. “I just want you nearby. So I know you’re safe.”

Cassian leans in and presses a soft kiss to her lips. He doesn’t have the words to respond to that properly, anyway.

“You just know that I won’t be able to resist you once we’re in your bed,” he says, after a while, against her lips.

“The thought might have occurred to me, yes,” Jyn replies, and he can feel her smile.

“Well, the joke will be on you, then,” he says, wrapping his arms around her shoulders to bring her closer. “I’m warning you now: it’s not going to be my best work.”

Jyn laughs at that, a soft choked sound even as she keeps kissing him. “That’s fine,” she says. “I’ll grade on a curve.”

“Really? That doesn’t sound like you.”

“I’m willing to bump up your score on the grounds that I’m in love with you,” she says, and his heart stops, briefly. “That generally makes everything better, in my experience.”

“You better not be saying that just to get me into bed,” he says, and his voice sounds hoarse.

“Not just,” Jyn says, giving him a small smile. “Anyway, I was under the impression I was getting you into bed no matter what.”

“You are,” Cassian says, placing a hand on her cheek. “But you love me.”

“I do, but don’t make a big deal out of it.”

“Too late. I’m already doing that. You’re never going to hear the end of it.”

“Oh, no. If only there was a way I could stop you from talking,” Jyn says, mock-seriously, and then presses up onto her toes to kiss him again.

Wednesday November 9, 5:30 AM

Cassian wakes up, slowly and with great confusion, to the sound of church bells. Given that he hasn’t been to church in years and he doesn’t live near enough to one that the bells could be this loud, it’s a little alarming, as ways to wake up go. Although, it’s not concerning enough to make him open his eyes, so he’s clearly not that worried. He also can’t know what time it is without taking this step, but it’s safe to assume, based on the way he feels, that he definitely did not get enough sleep last night.

He’s considering just ignoring the chiming, which is rising in both pitch and volume, for as long as it continues and just going back to sleep, when there’s suddenly a soft weight on his chest. He hears a groan of discomfort and then, at once, the bells stop. The weight, however, remains, which is not something he can actually ignore.

His eyes sting when he finally manages to open them, and it is definitely safe to say that he did not catch up on enough sleep last night to make up for several weeks’ worth of insomnia and over-work. Still, the exhaustion might be worth it, if it’s the price he pays for waking up to see Jyn leaning across him, rubbing her eyes and looking as disheveled and groggy as he feels.

“Sorry,” she says, when they make eye contact, and her voice is lower and rougher than he’s ever heard it before and it just about knocks him out. “I forgot I set an alarm.”

Cassian shakes his head to brush off her apology. It’s only then he fully recognizes how dark it is; there’s barely any light even sneaking in around the edges of the curtains. “What time is it?” He asks, hoarsely.

“5:30 in the morning,” Jyn says, and winces when he immediately groans in response. “I know, I’m sorry.”

She accompanies her apology this time by resting her head on his chest and smoothing a hand over the neckband of his t-shirt. Her fingertips brush the side of his neck and, while he doesn’t think it’s meant to be manipulative, it does distract him momentarily from the question he was going to ask next.

“Why do you have an alarm set for 5:30?” He asks, when he remembers. “And why church bells?”

“So I can go to the gym before work,” she says, as if that’s not completely insane. “And...because they’re nice to wake up to. I don’t know.”

“Jyn, we didn’t leave ACN until after 2 in the morning. Why would you go to the gym with less than three hours of sleep?”

“It’s just my routine, I forgot to turn it off last night,” Jyn replies. She’s pushed herself up onto her elbows now, and Cassian recognizes the defensive hunch of her shoulders. He reaches out a hand and rubs it up and down her arm, which makes her relax a little. “Besides, it’s not my fault we didn’t get more sleep last night,” she adds.

“Are you implying it’s mine?”

“That’s exactly what I’m saying. At the office, you kept saying, ‘We need to take things slow and not make any rash decisions tonight when we’re so exhausted,’ and then the second you got here, you couldn’t keep your hands off me.”

“I did warn you that would happen,” Cassian says, slipping his hand up to tangle into her hair, which is still a mess from sleeping and what they got up to last night. He’s choosing to believe that she’s just teasing him—that she doesn’t already regret what happened between them—but there’s some small part of him that, he can admit, is a little worried. “Besides,” he adds, pushing this thought aside, “I don’t remember you complaining last night.”

“Three hours ago,” she replies, pointedly. “And I’m not complaining now—”

“Could have fooled me.”

“I’m not complaining now either,” she continues, as though he hadn’t interrupted, and adjusts her position so that their faces are closer together and she can look him in the eye. “I’m just saying that, if you’re tired, you have no one to blame but yourself.”

“Well, that’s true,” he says. “Although, I think my being tired has more to do with the months of stress and lack of sleep that led up to last night, and less to do with anything that actually happened last night, specifically.”

Jyn laughs at that, but smothers the sound in his neck. “You’re trying to suggest that fooling around with me, fully clothed, like a couple of teenagers at bible camp, didn’t completely tire you out?” She asks, and her finger is tracing the edge of his collar, occasionally slipping underneath in a distracting manner.

“I don’t know what bible camp you went to, but my experience was nothing like that.”

“I was just kidding!” she says, delighted. “You actually went to bible camp?”

“Let’s change the subject…”

“Nope. We’re not going to do that. You have to tell me all about it.”

“It’s not that weird,” Cassian says, defensively. He’s not actually that uncomfortable, but it seems to be amusing Jyn, so he’ll go with it. “You never went?”

“No,” Jyn says, scrunching up her nose. “My dad wasn’t religious. And my mom was Pagan.”

“Wait, what?”

“It’s a whole thing,” Jyn says, waving a hand dismissively.

“And you think me going to bible camp is weird?” Cassian asks, astonished.

“It is. Did you sign a purity pledge? Is this why you want to wait until we go on an official date before we sleep together? Are you going to tell me at dinner that you’re planning on waiting until marriage?”

With each question she asks, Jyn seems more and more delighted and it’s hard for Cassian to remain annoyed in the face of that. It’s also hard to be in a bad mood when she’s still curled up on his chest and smiling more than he’s seen her in ages.

“Not that there’s anything wrong with any of that,” he starts to say, and Jyn bites her lip to keep from laughing at his earnest tone, “but I am absolutely not going to make us wait until marriage. It’s been hard enough waiting until Saturday.”

“Again, it’s been three hours,” Jyn says, amused. “Wait, did you say Saturday?”

“Yes.”

“Cassian, it’s Wednesday.”

“I know.”

“We’re not going out until Saturday night?”

“Of course not,” he says, and Jyn is looking at him like he’s lost his mind. “I’m the executive producer for the ten o’clock hour, remember?”

“I know who you are,” Jyn says, petulantly.

“And so you know that I don’t actually leave work until almost midnight every night, right?”

“Yeah, but…”

“Where are we going to get a nice dinner at midnight on a weekday?”

“I don’t know, but I can think of a hundred places we can get a mediocre dinner, at midnight, on a weekday,” Jyn says, poking a finger into his chest with more force than he thinks is strictly necessary. “Besides, I already told you that I don’t care about you buying me dinner. I kind of thought you were joking about that, anyway. We can just forget about the whole thing and have sex right now.”

“And I already told you, it’s important to me that we do this right,” he says, sliding a hand up and down her back. “Besides, I thought you had to go to the gym.”

“I would skip the gym to have sex with you.”

“That’s very romantic, thank you.”

“Shut up,” she says, burying her face in his neck. “What am I supposed to do for the rest of the week?”

“Same thing you’ve been doing for three years: not having sex with me.”

“You are so frustrating,” Jyn says, despondently.

“Trust me, I know,” Cassian replies, and kisses the top of her head.

Jyn leans up on her elbows then to look him in the eye again. “It’s really that important to you?” She asks, warily.

“Of course, it is,” he says, seriously. “I know it seems like it’s just dinner. What does it matter, in the grand scheme of things? But this is you and me. It took us long enough to get here. I think we should take the chance to be smug and annoying and romantic about it.”

Jyn listens to this speech with a look on her face that’s a mix of incredulity and fondness. She runs a finger up and down the column of his throat lazily as she thinks over what he’s said.

“I do love being smug and annoying,” she finally says, and Cassian laughs. “I’m willing to go along with this ridiculous plan as long as us going out to fancy dinners doesn’t become a regular thing.”

“Of course not. I would never subject you to such misery.”

“You’re teasing me now, but just wait until someone interrupts our date to tell me how ‘trickle-down economics actually works if you just think about it this way,’” Jyn replies, with a liberal use of air-quotes.

“You seem to be under the impression that watching you verbally eviscerate someone over their incorrect understanding of economic theory isn’t a huge turn-on for me, and I’m here to tell you that you’re wrong about that.”

Jyn smiles and hides her face in her hands, but Cassian can still see the blush that’s creeping up her neck. He traces it with his thumb, follows its progress all the way up to her hairline, and he immediately begins idly twisting strands around his fingers. It just feels pointless to keep his hands to himself. If he’d only known how good it would feel to have his feelings for Jyn out in the open like this, he probably would have done it sooner. Well, maybe that’s being a little optimistic. Still, there’s something uniquely satisfying about being able to say what he’s thinking, earnestly and without hiding it in easily-denied innuendo or friendly banter. He can tell her now, all the things he’s been thinking to himself for years, and if she smiles like that every time, well, that’s just further incentive, isn’t it?

“You must be consumed with lust for me at all times, then,” Jyn says, lightly, when she’s recovered.

Cassian smiles at that, and moves his hand so that he can trace his thumb over her cheekbone. She turns her face in his hand and places a kiss on his palm. Lust isn’t the first word he’d use to describe how he feels about her—he used a different one last night, in fact, but it might be too early, and this change in their relationship too new and too delicate, for him to use it again so soon and so casually. He knows, though, as they’re enjoying the feeling of just being wrapped up in each other, that, no, lust doesn’t even begin to cover the depth of what he feels.

“I thought that was obvious,” he says, instead.

An expression of such conflicting emotion—happiness and doubt, fondness and worry, desire and reticence—passes over Jyn’s features briefly, before she ducks her head. “Maybe to some people,” she says.

“To everyone,” Cassian insists, and Jyn raises her head to look at him. “Trust me. Everyone but you knew.”

“Are you calling me stupid?” she asks, lifting an eyebrow in challenge. He’s fairly certain she’s just kidding, but even knowing her as well as he does, he’s never completely sure if she’s saying what she means or not.

“In this particular case, yes,” he tries, and she laughs, reluctantly, and looks away from him. He tips her chin up with a finger so that she has to turn back. “You’re already a certified genius and a beautiful, talented woman, Jyn. If you could read social cues too, you’d be unstoppable. Accept that you have flaws like the rest of us mere mortals.”

“You’re very high and mighty for someone who spent the exact same amount of time not realizing I had feelings for you,” Jyn says, neatly ignoring every complimentary thing Cassian just said about her.

“I knew,” he says, and watches Jyn’s face fall. He swallows and his throat feels tight, suddenly. “I just assumed it was one of those harmless crushes people get at work. I figured you would get to know me better and you would realize…”

Jyn tilts her head to the side, in question. She looks concerned and he’s not even sure why he started telling her this in the first place. “Realize what?” she asks.

Cassian laughs, even though nothing is actually funny at the moment, and he pulls his hand back from where it was tangled in her hair to draw it over his face. “I thought you’d realize, once you got to know me, that I’m not really relationship material. That you could do better.”

Jyn blinks at him, clearly at a loss as to how to respond. “So,” she says, carefully, after she’s finished thinking it over, “I’m stupid and I have bad taste. Anything else about me you’d like to insult?”

“Well, you are getting up at 5:30 in the morning the day after doing late night Election coverage, so you’re clearly deranged.”

He’s trying to be funny, but he’s not sure it works as he intended, because Jyn abruptly sits up all the way and pulls back to swing her legs off the bed, turning completely away from him. Pulling a band off her wrist, she starts to wrangle her messy hair into a bun at the top of her head.

Cassian sits up with a sigh, not sure whether he’s more annoyed at himself for ruining the moment or at Jyn for taking his words so seriously. Actually, that’s no contest; he’s always more annoyed with himself than he is with her. He decides to take a risk and reach out for her, running his hand along her arm. She doesn’t flinch away from his touch, but he sees the effort it takes for her not to.

“I hate it when you say shit like that,” Jyn says, eyes closed as she tries to keep her emotions under control.

“You know I don’t actually think you’re deranged, right?”

“Not that. Who cares about that?” She asks, and finally looks at him. “I hate when you talk like...you don’t deserve to be happy. Like I couldn’t possibly know you as well as I do and still have feelings for you. Like there’s something about you that I don’t know yet that could make me change my mind.”

“I’m sorry,” Cassian says, resting his chin on her shoulder tentatively. She doesn’t pull away, which is a good sign. “I’m bad at getting what I want, I think. At just having what I want. I’m too suspicious. I’m always waiting for something to go wrong, some complication to crop up and ruin everything.”

Jyn toys idly with the fingers of his hand that’s now resting on her thigh, and he feels her nod slightly as he talks. Of course she understands, he thinks. It’s part of what he loves about her, the things they share as much as the things about them that are different.

“I understand that,” she says, threading their fingers together. “But I need you to have a little faith in me.”

“I have nothing but faith in you.”

She smiles, a soft smile he’s not sure he’s seen before. Maybe it’s one she only has in the mornings, maybe it’s new. Maybe it’s just for him. “Then you need to take me at my word that I want to be with you. That you’re exactly the sort of person who could make me happy.”

He kisses her shoulder in response, right along the line of the strap of her tank top, as if that can make up for the fact that words are utterly failing him right now. He pushes the fabric aside, sliding it off her shoulder so it drapes over her arm and out of his way. He keeps planting kisses in a trail across her collarbone, until he feels her hand come up to rest on his face. She leans over and buries her face in his hair.

“I need verbal confirmation that you hear and understand me,” she says, her thumb running back and forth over his cheek.

Cassian picks up his head, only a little unwillingly, and looks her in the eye. “I hear and understand you,” he says, and she gives him a look. “I am going to get better at this,” he amends.

“How did we circle back around to you criticizing yourself?”

“I am going to get better at having everything that I want,” he reiterates, more firmly this time, and kisses her shoulder again before she can stop him.

He thinks he hears a sharp intake of breath from her, and doesn’t know if it’s from what he’s said or what he’s doing. The answer comes a moment later when she asks, with considerable effort, “Everything?”

Cassian looks up again, and meets her eye. She looks nervous, he realizes, and it’s reassuring in the way only seeing your exact fears in someone else’s eyes can be. There is comfort in knowing they’re worried about the exact same thing, about ruining this new, fragile thing blooming between them. But he’d rather they ruin it with enthusiasm than with hesitation. They’ve tried the alternative already, and all it did was delay the inevitable. Now that they’re here, they might as well fully commit to it.

“Yes, everything,” he says, and pulls her closer with a hand at her waist. “With what I get to do every day for a living, and the life I get to lead, and you; what more could I want?”

“World peace,” Jyn says, after she’s thought about it for a moment, but she’s smiling.

“Right. I knew I was forgetting something,” he says, very seriously.

“At least, you’ll have something to live for, you know. Now that you have everything else you could ever want.”

“Something to live for,” he repeats, tracing the line of her jaw with his thumb. “Besides Saturday.”

“Saturday,” Jyn says, almost laughing, right as her lips meet his and the word gets lost in their kiss. The hand Cassian has at her waist tightens its grip, pulling her closer and angling her body towards him, while the hand at her jaw keeps her in place. Motivated by the same instinct, Jyn’s hand comes up to rest on his elbow, a silent demand that he keep going.

She gives him further proof of her approval when she opens her mouth under his, deepening their kiss as they move to intertwine more fully. Her other hand tangles in the hair at the base of his neck and she uses this to maneuver him however she chooses, which only makes him laugh into her mouth.

“What?” She asks, against him. She’s managed to successfully pull one of her legs back onto the bed and around his hip without breaking their kiss and is now in the process of lifting up onto her knees to get her other leg around him as well.

“You’re pushy,” he says, craning his neck to keep kissing her. He likes this, her being taller than him, making him reach for her.

Jyn must notice, because she smiles at him and it’s a peculiar mix of pity and triumph, and he likes that too. She finishes settling herself into his lap, knees braced against his hips, and runs a thumb over his cheek, ending at the corner of his mouth. “Do you have any objections?” She asks.

“None.”

“Good,” she says, and takes his face in both of her hands to kiss him again.

It’s a few minutes later that Cassian realizes Jyn is more than just pushy. She might, in fact, have some sort of magical powers he wasn’t aware of, previously. Because he has no idea how he ended up in this position. Literally. It felt like a moment ago that she was in his lap and now, with nothing but a firm shove to his shoulders and a twist of her hips as they fell back, she’s underneath him and pressing their bodies flush together as they’re stretched out on the bed.

He should actually object now. After all, waiting until Saturday, after their date, had been his idea. It’s now seeming like an increasingly stupid idea, but it’s still his. But part of being a real adult is admitting when other people have better ideas than yours and, he has to admit, as Jyn arches up against him, leaving no space between them, and squeezes his hips more firmly between her thighs, she might have a better idea. A much better idea, he thinks, as she sighs softly into his mouth. Fuck Saturday, he thinks, or maybe he says but it’s muffled against Jyn’s lips—he’s not sure, at this point, really, as he slides a hand up her thigh. It’s at that precise moment, of course, that he hears the sound of church bells.

Cassian pulls back, because it feels rude to laugh while he’s kissing her, and she glares up at him briefly before covering her face with her hands. Since she’s clearly not going to do anything about it, he leans over, feeling around wildly on the bed in the dark until he finds her phone and turns off the alarm. Satisfied with his work, he tosses the phone aside and moves back to where Jyn is still lying on her side with her face covered.

“Come on,” Cassian says, wrapping his arms around her middle from behind. He kisses her shoulder blade too, for good measure.

“Stop laughing,” she says, muffled by her hands.

“I can’t,” he says, and she looks over her shoulder to glare at him.

“It’s not funny.”

“It’s a little bit funny.” He kisses her neck, but it’s brief and chaste. He’s not trying to make something happen, which might be Jyn’s primary objection. “Why do you have two alarms?”

“In case I don’t wake up for the first one,” Jyn replies, as if he’s the stupidest man on earth.

“That’s very sensible.”

“Shut up,” she says, uncovering her face just to pinch his hands where they’re clasped on her stomach. “It’s not my fault you let it stop you.”

“You wanted me to keep going?”

“And why not? It’s just music! People have sex to music all the time.”

“Not to church bells!”

“They’re nice!”

Cassian laughs again, even though he knows it will get him in trouble. “You don’t have to convince me you didn’t go to bible camp anymore. I totally believe you.”

Jyn lies in his arms in sullen silence, ignoring him, for a few minutes. “Sorry,” she finally says, apropos of nothing, as far as he can tell.

He nudges her to turn around and look at him with a hand on her shoulder. “Don’t be sorry,” he says, when their eyes meet. “I love you and your second alarm and your strange, possibly-Wiccan upbringing.”

Jyn smiles, and leans back to press a quick kiss to the corner of his mouth. “My mother wasn’t Wiccan,” she says, afterwards. “It’s a long story, for some other time.”

“When it’s not six in the morning…”

“And when I’ve had at least eight hours of sleep.”

“God, eight whole hours?” Cassian says, into her shoulder. “Could you imagine?”

“Another thing worth living for.”

He hums in agreement. “World peace, a good night’s sleep, Saturday, and you.”

Jyn doesn’t say anything in response, but she threads her fingers with his where they rest on her waist and that’s answer enough. After a moment, she moves to sit up, and Cassian goes with her, intertwined as they are.

“I should get going,” she says, and if they weren’t in her apartment, Cassian would take that as a brush-off. As it is, it just feels like an unwelcome intrusion from the real world.

“Right. Are you actually going to the gym?”

“Might as well,” she says, with an easy shrug. “Kay pushed back our usual morning meeting today by half an hour, so I might as well take advantage of it.”

“When do you have to be at ACN?”

“8 AM.”

“You normally meet with Kay at 7:30?” Cassian asks, astonished.

“Yes,” Jyn says, looking at him sharply. “Now you understand why I’m always threatening him with violence.”

“He couldn’t push your meeting back a little further? You were on the air until after midnight last night. He didn’t even have to do Election coverage!”

“I know. But you know Kay. He’s a hardass.”

“True,” Cassian says, and stretches his shoulders out to ease some of the stiffness left over from sleep. “It’s lucky he pushed the meeting back at all, honestly.”

“Yeah, well, that was my doing.”

He shakes his head in disbelief. “You had to ask him, didn’t you?”

“Yeah, and he still didn’t do it for me.”

“Didn’t you just say—?”

“He didn’t agree until I told him you were gonna get laid if he pushed the meeting back,” Jyn says, evenly.

“He…? You said that to him?” Cassian asks, feeling like he’s going to choke.

“Yeah,” she says, tucking a loose piece of hair behind her ear. “Who did you think I was texting when we left ACN last night?”

“Your other boyfriend.”

“Cute,” Jyn says, poking his cheek with a finger. “No, I was waking Kay up.”

“I don’t know if I should be flattered that he cares enough about my sex life that he’d help me get laid, or offended that he only gave us an extra half an hour.”

Jyn smiles at him, delighted. “Definitely the second one.”

“I mean, half an hour…”

“He clearly thinks very little of your stamina,” Jyn says, solemnly.

Cassian gives her a look, and she immediately breaks into a smile. “Don’t you have to go to the gym?” He asks.

“Yes, yes. I’m going,” she says, scooting to the edge of the bed.

“Good, I’m going too.”

“Where are you going?”

“Back to my apartment.”

“You’re going to go all the way back to Queens at this hour?”

“Not this again,” he says, laughing at her as she stands at the edge of the bed. “Do you have something against Queens?”

“Of course not. But you have to be at ACN in a few hours—”

“Six hours.”

“Oh, fuck you,” Jyn says, closing her eyes tiredly. “Sorry, that was a reflex.”

“No problem.”

“Anyway. You still don’t have to go all the way back to your apartment. Just hang out here.”

“I need to shower and change my clothes,” Cassian says, gesturing at himself. “Can’t go walking into work in yesterday’s clothes. People will think I’m easy.”

“You are easy,” Jyn says, smiling.

“Says the girl who hasn’t slept with me yet.”

“Touché,” she replies. “Regardless, if it’s clean clothes you want, I have a shirt you can borrow.”

“I don’t think you and I wear the same size.”

“I have one of your shirts,” Jyn says, looking carefully at the ground beneath her feet. “From a few months ago. You let me borrow it and I kept forgetting to give it back.”

Cassian suddenly remembers it, the night she’s talking about. It was right after her father had died and he’d gone into his office to find her hiding out there, to avoid Leia and everyone else trying to comfort her, to avoid reality all together. It became something of a ritual after that; she’d sneak into his office, whether he was there or not, and sit on the floor, hidden from view by his desk, any time she felt like she needed a break from it all. One of those nights, there had been something wrong with the heating in the building and she’d been shivering in her on-air outfit of a sleek, sleeveless dress as she sat and talked with him. He’d given her the extra button-up he had lying around, which was made of thick flannel and would definitely keep her warm, and then promptly forgotten about it. He never would have thought to ask for it back.

He stands up from the bed, so that he’s right in front of her, and puts his hands on her shoulders. She’s still looking away from him, and he can guess that it’s because she’s embarrassed. The instinct to hold her feelings as close to the vest as possible is a strong one, and he doesn’t expect her to get over it in a day, no matter how strong those feelings are.

He kisses her on the cheek, instead, and she doesn’t look at him, but she leans into his touch. “I bet you’ve been wearing it around the house just to smell my aftershave, or whatever it is girls like to do,” he says, smiling against her cheek.

She shoves him lightly, but she’s smiling too. “Nobody even wears aftershave anymore.”

“I don’t hear you denying wearing it, though.”

“It’s just been sitting in my closet, making me feel guilty for not returning it to you,” she says, rolling her eyes.

“So you’re saying you haven’t worn it again, since that night?”

“Maybe once or twice,” Jyn says, begrudgingly. “Just because it’s warm.”

Cassian kisses her on the lips, firmly, and he can feel her smile as he does it. “Forget the gym,” he says. “Let’s go get breakfast, instead.”

“You and me?” Jyn asks, as if he could mean anyone else.

“Yeah. You and me,” he replies, and Jyn’s smile brightens. Then again, so does his.

Wednesday, November 9, 1:48 AM

They carry on like this for a while, making out in his office as though they’re no better than the drunk staffers currently looking for a darkened corner to hook up in, until Cassian, in his quest to get his hands literally all over Jyn in as little time as possible, feels his fingers glide over the teeth of the zipper on the back of her dress. He closes his hand around the pull and, without thinking, gives it a small tug, undoing the zipper just slightly. At that, both he and Jyn startle apart—although not terribly far—as if suddenly reminded that they’re still a work and they probably shouldn’t be doing this in his office. At least, not when Jyn has a perfectly good apartment not far from there.

“You should go talk to Leia,” Jyn says, apropos of nothing. She looks disheveled in a way that makes Cassian feel distinctly proud of himself.

Of course, what she’s actually said baffles him. Why does he need to talk to Leia? What does she have to do with this? It’s only after he’s spent an embarrassingly long time thinking it over—maybe Jyn deserves to be proud of herself too—that he remembers he promised to congratulate Leia on her engagement before he left. Before he leaves with Jyn. And now he’s distracted again.

“Right,” he says, trying very hard to collect his thoughts. “You know she’s going to want to know about that kiss in the control room, though.”

“Tell her to mind her own business.”

“It is her business, Jyn. You did it right in front of her. And everyone else we know.”

“I’m sorry, are you complaining?”

“Absolutely not,” Cassian replies, immediately, and Jyn must be pleased by this answer, because she leans in to kiss him again, briefly.

“I’m going to change,” she says, gesturing at her clothing, which is still what she wore on air. Cassian’s eyes follow her hands and when he finally drags his eyes upward, she’s looking at him pityingly. “I’ll meet you by the elevators?” She suggests.

“Okay.”

“Alright. Don’t change your mind,” she says, and for all she’s trying to make a joke, he can see that she’s a little worried about it.

“I won’t,” he says, and kisses her as reassurance. “Not with you.”

“Okay,” she says, quietly. Then she pulls back, and leaves, and it only takes a split second, once she’s opened the door to his office, for the sounds of the party still raging on in the bullpen to reach them.

Left to his own devices, Cassian takes a minute to collect himself. He runs a hand through his hair in the hopes that no one will be able to tell he’s just been making out with Jyn in his office. Then he remembers that his shirt is wrinkled from Jyn grabbing at it and there’s probably no way to hide what he’s been up to from anyone. He rubs a hand over his face, just for the sake of it, and decides he might just have to live with people gossiping about him. It’ll be well worth the trouble, he thinks, if it means getting to kiss Jyn whenever he feels like it.

Concerns about his disheveled appearance put aside, Cassian finally grabs his keys and his wallet from his desk and puts on his coat to leave. He tries to think of anything else he might need and fails, because rational thought left with Jyn and probably won’t return until she’s back in his arms. Even that might be an optimistic estimate on his part, honestly. He shakes his head, trying to clear his thoughts, which only kind of works, and decides not to hate himself for being happy, just this once.

Heading back out into the bullpen himself, Cassian winces at the noise and the light. Someone—a misguided intern, he hopes—is blasting “Party in the USA” and he’s very glad to be on his way out. Weaving through the crowd of celebrating staffers, he keeps an eye out for Han and Leia. He ultimately finds them exactly where he left them, still in the middle of the room and at the center of all the activity.

As he approaches them, he claps Chirrut, who’s standing nearby, on the shoulder and gets a pat on the hand for his troubles. Baze, standing across from them and watching this, gives him a nod and a slightly scrutinizing glance that Cassian does his best not to over-analyze. He doesn’t stop to talk, either, because he’s on a mission.

The crowd around Han and Leia has thinned significantly since his last trip through the bullpen, which is good for Cassian’s purposes of making this quick and heading out. The only person talking to them now is Amilyn but it doesn’t look like Cassian is interrupting an intense conversation. The three of them seem to be chatting easily, while also looking for all the world like they’d like nothing more than to go to bed.

Amilyn has her back mostly turned to Cassian, but she’s still somehow the first to notice him, probably because Han just said something quietly to Leia and they’re now having a whispered conversation amongst themselves.

“Hey, there you are,” Amilyn says, smiling blearily at him. “I haven’t seen you since we went off the air.”

It’s a sign of the late hour and her level of intoxication that Amilyn leans in gives Cassian a one-armed hug and a half-hearted kiss somewhere in the vicinity of his cheek. They’re not normally casually affectionate people. Or maybe he’s not. But it’s apparently a night for new things, he thinks, as he puts a hand on her back to help her stay upright.

“Yeah, it’s been…madness,” Cassian says, struggling for a word that covers what kind of night it’s been. “I’m just about to head home, actually. Wanted to say goodbye to everyone first.”

“Aw, that’s nice,” Amilyn replies, airily, probably because she’s drunk.

“Yes, well, I’ll see you all tomorrow. Or today. Whichever it is,” he says, and Leia groans.

“Don’t remind me,” she says, closing her eyes. Han rubs her shoulder absently.

“Sorry,” Cassian says, offering everyone a rueful smile. “And, of course, congratulations to you two,” he adds, awkwardly, and holds out a hand to Han.

Han shakes his hand. “Thanks, man,” he says, and it’s probably for the millionth time that night, but he still sounds genuine. The little smile he flashes at Leia immediately afterwards definitely is, that’s for sure.

When Han lets go of his hand, Cassian turns his attention to Leia, who’s looking back at him warily. He smiles at that, at her, and leans in to give her a kiss on the cheek.

Ever since that night at the bar, things have been easier with Leia than with almost anyone else. They seem to have reached a new level of understanding, after that talk they had. Maybe that’s why her sudden engagement to Han threw him off so much: it felt like something she would have gotten drunk and ranted to him about first before she made a decision. But, then again, maybe the fact that she didn’t have to do that is a sign of growth. Maybe they’re all moving up in the world.

Leia responds to him immediately, stepping out of Han’s embrace to throw her arms around Cassian’s neck, all pretense of wariness abandoned.

“Congratulations,” Cassian says, quietly enough that hopefully only Leia really hears him.

“Thank you,” she replies, just as softly.

“If he so much as puts a foot out of line, let me know. I’ll take care of him for you,” he says, and Leia snorts.

“I can handle him myself, thank you,” she says, pulling back and giving Han a look over her shoulder. “But I appreciate the offer.”

“Anything for you.”

Leia gives him a searching look at that, as if she’s trying to figure out if he really means it. He does, and he’s sure it shows, but it’s still alarming when Leia’s eyes widen in discovery. Surely she can’t be that surprised at his sincerity.

“Jyn found you, I take it,” she says, and Cassian thinks she’s referring to Jyn twisting his arm to congratulate her on the engagement until Leia presses the pad of her thumb to the corner of his mouth. When she pulls it away, there’s an incriminating red smudge across her fingertip. Clearly, he didn’t do as well at making himself presentable as he’d thought.

“Uh, yes,” he says, wiping his mouth to remove any final remains of lipstick that might still be there while still trying to be subtle about it. “She did.”

Leia smiles triumphantly. “Thank God,” she says.

Over Leia’s shoulder, past Han and everyone else, Cassian can see Jyn, newly changed into jeans and a sweater, giving Bodhi a hug before she leaves. He’d clearly been having a conversation with Mon and Melshi, which he’d paused to say goodbye to Jyn. She laughs at something he says, and he gives a loose piece of her hair, which she can never successfully pull entirely back from her face, a quick tug in retaliation. Warmth blooms in Cassian’s chest at the sight of her looking so relaxed and happy, at knowing that they’re all going to keep working together, at the idea that he’s leaving with her in just a few minutes.

It occurs to Cassian, then, that he’s just lost almost a full minute looking at her and he should turn his attention back to Leia, even if it means dealing with how smug she’s bound to be about the whole thing. When he actually does drag his eyes away from Jyn, Leia is looking at him with such obvious delight, it might actually be worse than if she were smug about it.

“‘Thank God’ is how I felt about it too,” he says, honestly, despite how badly he wants to get out of this conversation.

“I can’t believe you two are finally getting your shit together,” Leia says, shaking her head. “And right when I’m getting my shit together, too. You’re really horning in on my moment, which is very rude of you.”

“Don’t think of it like that,” Cassian says. “Think of it more as us getting our shit together as an engagement present to you. It’s what you’ve always wanted.”

“Well, I do like the part where it’s all about me,” Leia says, jokingly.

“I thought you might.”

“So, are you two—?”

“Goodnight, Leia,” Cassian says, cutting her off and giving her shoulders a squeeze before stepping back.

“Fine. Goodnight,” Leia says, taking the hint and sidling up to Han again.

Cassian manages to extract himself without giving anything further away, although he can tell Leia wants to know every detail of what happened. She will probably end up bullying the full story out of Jyn tomorrow anyway, and that spares Cassian having to tell Amilyn and Han anything about his personal life. For Amilyn’s part, she probably doesn’t want to know and, for Han’s, Cassian would rather not give him any more information than he needs. If either of them notice anything strange going on with Leia and Cassian, they don’t comment on it, being happy enough to wish him a goodnight and return to their conversation.

He doesn’t talk to anyone else on his way out of the offices and to the elevators, just waving goodbye to Bodhi, and catching Finn’s eye as he’s leaving the room. Finn has the audacity to toast Cassian with his new glass of champagne, and wherever Rey is, he’s sure she has one too. Cassian shakes his head in disapproval, for all he doesn’t actually care what the interns do on their own time. But he has a reputation as a grouch to uphold with them, so he plays along.

He’s nervously fussing with the collar on his coat, trying to get it to lie flat, as he comes into the elevator bay. Jyn is already there waiting for him, which was to be expected after he did his last glance around the bullpen and didn’t see her anywhere. She’s not looking in his direction, as she’s apparently been distracted by something on her phone, and it buys him a minute to take in the sight of her, uninterrupted.

He has always preferred her in casual clothes, like the ones she’s wearing now. He knows it’s partly that, out of the Armani suits and Prada dresses, she looks less intimidating to him. But, rationally speaking, regardless of what she’s wearing, she’s always out of his league. She’s got two PhDs and countless IQ points on him, and really that’s not even scratching the surface of everything he admires about her.

Maybe it’s just that he knows that this is how she’d dress all the time, if she could; that the sleek wardrobe ACN chooses for her makes her vaguely uncomfortable; that it’s all part of her newscaster persona that she’s anxious to slip out of at the end of each day. And it’s much easier to imagine her in his home, in his real life, dressed like this, than in what she usually wears on air. She looks comfortable, unguarded, right now, and he wants to get used to seeing her like this.

Jyn turns her attention away from her phone when she hears Cassian’s approaching footsteps. She gives him a small, almost embarrassed, smile, probably at being caught texting.

“Hi,” she says, sounding weary and relieved at the same time.

“Hi.” And naturally, this is where he’s going to falter. It’s not the big moments, like telling her how he feels or kissing her for the first time, that are going to screw him up—although, it’s not like he handled those perfectly either—it’s going to be this. Just talking to her, being casual about this now that he’s told her he loves her.

This is, actually, what worries him the most. He can be romantic, he thinks, when he really puts his mind to it. He can do the whole big speech to win her over, because this is ACN and they don’t hire anybody who can’t improvise an inspirational speech at a moment’s notice. He can be eloquent with the best of them, goddammit, but he’s not sure he can be someone’s boyfriend, or whatever the hell it is that Jyn wants.

And they’re not insecure twentysomethings who are going to do the whole low-stakes, keep-it-casual bullshit. At least, he hopes not. But he’s never been good at the everyday parts of a committed relationship; he’s too good at being on his own and probably too set in his ways to ever change. Is it really fair to expect that things can be different just because it’s Jyn this time? Sure, he’s closer to her than he is to anyone else, but is it enough?

“What’s the matter?” Jyn asks, brow furrowing with concern. Some of his anxiety must be visible on his face, he realizes. “You look like you’re trying to do multiplication in your head.”

“I can do math in my head,” Cassian says, offended. “Easily.”

“Okay,” Jyn says, clearly patronizing him, and just like that, the worry is gone as soon as it appeared. The fact that it’s her is what’s going to make this easier, what’s going to make it worth it, not what’s going to make it harder.

“So, what’s wrong?” She asks, interrupting this revelation.

“Nothing,” he says, and suddenly it’s true. He offers her a tentative smile. “Nothing is wrong.”

“Really?”

“Yes.”

Jyn’s hands flutter anxiously for a moment between them, as if she wants to reach out for him. She must ultimately decide against it, because she shakes her head and turns away to press the button to call an elevator instead.

The doors to one of the elevators slide open with a soft ding and Jyn gets on without glancing over at Cassian, so he follows her silently. He briefly considers taking her hand in his, but decides not to on the grounds that they’re not fifteen years old and thus she probably wouldn’t appreciate it.

As the doors close behind them and Jyn hits the button for the lobby, the uncertainty he accidentally created between them is palpable. They’re practically in separate corners of the elevator and the silence is unbearable.

Jyn clears her throat, awkwardly, before she says, “I know you said you wouldn’t change your mind—”

“I haven’t,” Cassian interrupts.

“But if you had—”

“Jyn, I haven’t changed my mind. I promise,” he says, leaning into the space between them to look her in the eye.

“Because you can. I was kidding earlier. You can always change your mind. I don’t want to force you into anything.”

“That’s very kind of you,” he says, and she scowls at him. “But I haven’t changed my mind.”

“You’re sure?”

“Absolutely certain. And you?”

“Me?” Jyn blinks at him in astonishment. “Of course I haven’t. Do I seem like I have?”

“No, I just wanted us both to be sure, and on the same page about it, before I do what I’m about to do.”

Jyn looks at him expectantly, and maybe a little pityingly. “What are you going to do?” She asks, exasperated.

Rather than answer her with words, Cassian crosses over to her corner of the elevator, and puts both of his hands on the railing, on either side of her body. When their eyes meet, she smiles back at him.

“Oh, that,” she says, as if she’s completely disinterested, but her eyes sparkle with laughter and she’s already looking at his lips.

Rather than let her get another smartass comment in, Cassian leans in and kisses her firmly on the mouth. To his great relief, her hand immediately comes up to cradle his cheek, so at least she’s not feigning boredom anymore. Maybe this will just never get old, he thinks: the feeling of wrapping his arms around her and kissing her like there’s nothing more important in the entire world. Carried away by it, and trying to appreciate the moment they’re in rather than worrying about the future, Cassian presses in closer and wraps an arm around her waist, so that he can answer for himself the question of whether her sweater is as soft to the touch as it looks.

He doesn’t get to answer any other burning questions he might have, though, before there’s a soft ding that’s followed by the low, heavy noise of the elevator doors sliding open. The noise is enough to pull Cassian and Jyn out of the moment they were sharing and into the present, where they are still in an elevator at their place of work. They have just enough warning to make themselves presentable before the doors part to reveal Rose, bundled in a down jacket and looking world-weary. She blinks in surprise when she sees them, now standing side-by-side but still suspiciously close together and flushed for two people just innocently hanging out in an elevator.

Rose steps through the doors and looks around, confused. She then presses the ground floor button on the panel to her left, and looks back at them with even more confusion clouding her features.

“You know you have to hit the button before it’ll go anywhere, right?” She asks, and it’s clear that the only thing she’s suspicious of is their intellects.

“Oh, that explains it,” Cassian says, mildly. Jyn covers her mouth to disguise her laugh as a cough.

Rose turns away from them, but only after she’s given them another unimpressed look. She pulls out her phone and clearly plans to ignore them until they reach the lobby. Cassian is fine with that, as a plan. In fact, he’s thrilled with it, when Jyn chooses that moment to slip her hand back into his and they finish their elevator ride in painfully awkward silence.

Saturday, November 12, 10:30 PM

Jyn lets them into her apartment clumsily, appearing to trip over the threshold. Cassian thinks she’s a little bit drunk, even though she only had two glasses of wine at dinner. He puts his hands on her hips, to steady her and also just because he wants to.

He’s spent the better part of this week thinking about this, about being alone with her and finally getting to touch her. It’s taken a lot of self-control to refrain even this long, but they’d agreed, after everything that happened on Election Night, to take things slow, if for no other reason than it would help them keep their relationship a secret at work. For now, at least. But waiting until the weekend when they both had time to go out on a real date had been more of a struggle than Cassian had anticipated. And, as nice as dinner was, he likes it better when it’s just the two of them alone.

She turns in his arms, and waves a hand at him. “I’m fine,” she says, but she looks overwhelmed.

“You’re a lightweight,” Cassian says, full of affection.

“I’m not,” she says, stubbornly. She puts a hand on his shoulder for balance while she slips off her shoes. “I want water. Do you want water?” She asks, when she’s done so successfully.

“I’m fine,” he says.

“Are you sure?”

“Completely.”

“I have good water. I mean, like, this part of the city does.”

“I believe you,” Cassian says, trying not to laugh. “I just don’t want any.”

Jyn frowns. “Okay,” she says, like she doesn’t quite believe him. She heads for the kitchen, leaving him standing by the door, and he’s already regretting the loss of contact. “Sit down,” she calls over her shoulder as she goes. “Relax.”

Cassian watches her as she moves around the kitchen, finding a glass, and fixing things she finds amiss as she goes. “I don’t think I’m the one who needs to relax,” he says, letting his voice carry.

Jyn emerges from the kitchen with her glass of water, just as he’s sitting on the couch. She frowns as she takes a sip. “Who, me?” She asks.

“Yes, you.”

“I’m—” She stops herself mid-objection. “I’m a little nervous,” she admits, before taking a seat on the coffee table across from him. She puts the glass down next to her, and Cassian gets distracted by the way her skirt hikes up just a bit when she crosses her legs. He rests his elbows on his knees, leaning into her space, and she mirrors his movements.

She hasn’t even taken off her coat yet and there’s something about her, perched on the table in her black dress and bare feet and oversized coat that’s making him nervous too. No, it’s not nerves, not really, so much as anticipation. He’s been waiting for this moment for so long that it surprises him that he’s not more anxious. What he really feels is ready, and that makes him want to text Leia and rub it in her face that he was right to take his time. He doesn’t, though. He’s got better things to do.

He’d made fun of her—Jyn, that is—for the coat, at dinner. It’s too big for her, drowning her small frame. But she’d found it in the men’s section of a vintage store in the East Village and loved it so much she didn’t even care that it was a few sizes too big. She wears it whenever she goes out, she had told him, arguing it’s a classic black peacoat and it makes her look more dressed up than she actually is, most of the time. He’d told her that the other people in the restaurant probably thought it was his coat, and she’d said that was just another benefit. It had made his throat go dry.

He only had one glass of wine at dinner, but his thoughts are still muddled. It might be her. No, it definitely is.

“Don’t be nervous,” he says to her, now.

“Aren’t you?”

“A little,” he admits.

“How come you get to be nervous but I don’t?” Jyn asks.

“Good point. Neither of us should be nervous. We’ve spent enough time being nervous about this,” Cassian says, and then follows it by picking up her glass from the table and taking a drink.

“I just asked you if you wanted water,” Jyn says, exasperated.

“I didn’t realize I wanted it until it was in front of me,” he says, with a shrug.

“Is that supposed to be a metaphor?” She asks, brow furrowed.

“No. I don’t think so,” he says, then reconsiders. “I don’t know.”

Jyn holds out a hand, silently asking for the glass back, and he hands it over. She takes a drink and replaces the glass on the table. “You’re just gonna stare at me?” She asks, when she’s done.

“Not just,” Cassian says, smiling at her.

She laughs at that and leans back, putting her palm on the table to keep her balance. “Are we really already out of things to say to each other?” She asks, suddenly. “We haven’t even slept together yet!”

“Technically—”

“Hey. Don’t start with me.”

“Sorry.”

“This is why we should have had sex before we went out to dinner,” Jyn says, looking gloomily into her glass of water.

“That would have defeated the purpose,” Cassian replies, stuck somewhere between amused and alarmed.

“And what was that purpose again?”

“Tradition.”

“Ah,” she says, unimpressed.

“And the reason we have nothing to say right now is not because we are literally out of things to say to one another,” he continues, and she looks even less impressed, somehow. “It’s because we haven’t slept together.”

“We have nothing to talk about because we haven’t had sex yet?”

“Yes. And not doing that immediately is taking up space in our minds where topics of conversation normally would be.”

“You’re saying that you’re so busy focusing on not fucking me that you can’t actually concentrate on talking to me?” Jyn asks, thoroughly delighted.

“That’s not exactly what I mean, but you got the general idea, yes.”

“Men are idiots,” she says, shaking her head. “And you know you could just...fuck me. Right?”

“I do know that,” Cassian says, and he reaches forward to take her glass again, but she gets there first and takes a drink herself. “I just haven’t figured out how yet.”

“What do you need? A diagram? A treasure map?” She snaps her fingers, as though inspired. “There’s gotta be a wikiHow article for this.”

“It’s a big moment,” he says, ignoring her.

“We already had the big moment. Several, in fact. We talked about feelings a lot, if I recall correctly.”

“It doesn’t feel monumental to you? Like a huge step?”

“Don’t take this the wrong way, but no,” Jyn says, with a jerky shrug. “The other stuff, talking about how I feel, that’s what scares me. By comparison, sleeping with you is going to be easy.”

He laughs in spite of himself, and rubs his hands together in a nervous gesture he barely recognizes. “Can I ask you something?”

“Sure.”

“A few weeks ago, after you had that argument with Han, when we were talking about the auction and Draven interrupted us, what happened?”

Jyn’s shoulders tense up and the relaxed posture that came from having a few glasses of wine and a mostly stress-free night out is now gone. Her eyes find the floor. “I don’t understand what you mean,” she says, folding her arms in towards her middle protectively.

Cassian reaches out a hand to lay it on her knee, hoping to inspire her to look up at him. She doesn’t, but she does look at his hand curiously. “I was trying to tell you how I felt,” he says, as gently as he can manage. “I wanted to, but you shut me out.”

It’s not meant as an accusation, but Jyn reacts as if it is, wincing away from his words. “You’re upset with me?” She asks, sounding impossibly young.

“No, I’m not,” Cassian hurries to say, and he turns the hand on her knee so it’s resting palm up on her leg, in the hopes that she’ll put her hand in his. After a moment, she does, and lets out a shaky breath. “I just wonder why you weren’t ready then, but you seem so sure now, he says.

“I knew what you were going to say, that night,” she says, cautiously. “Maybe not exactly, but I could tell what your intentions were. And I stopped you because I didn’t want you to say those things because you were jealous—and of some hypothetical rich guy from a charity auction, no less. I couldn’t take the idea that you would say you had feelings for me just because you didn’t want me to be with someone else. I needed it to be real.

“If it helps,” Jyn continues, “I felt stupid the moment I walked out of that room. For assuming that you wouldn’t have meant it, if I’d let you say what you wanted to say. That’s not who you are. I know that. And when I found out you bought the book, I felt even more stupid. I should have known better. You deserve more credit than that.”

“It’s not like I was always perfectly straightforward with you about my feelings,” Cassian says, tightening his grip on her hand.

“That’s true. I guess we’re both pretty stupid,” she says, finally looking up and giving him a small smile.

“Speaking as someone who’s currently working his way through your book, I have to disagree with that statement, at least as it applies to you.”

Jyn’s face lights up. “You’re actually reading it?”

“Of course I am. What sort of question is that?”

“How far have you gotten?”

“Like five pages,” Cassian admits, and Jyn covers her mouth to hide her startled laughter.

“Oh, honey,” she says, rubbing her thumb over the knuckles of his hand that she’s holding in a soothing, pitying gesture at odds with the amusement on her face.

“It’s not my fault,” he replies. “I keep trying to read more of it, but I can hear the text in your voice in my head and it sounds like you’re lecturing me on some obscure topic of economics you’re annoyed I’ve never heard of before and then I get distracted.”

“Because you’re bored?” Jyn asks, looking genuinely concerned. As if she’s worried he’s going to leave a negative review for her book on Amazon or something.

“No, Jyn,” he says, smiling, “not because I’m bored…”

She squints at him in confusion for a moment before her face clears with comprehension. She takes her hand out of his and covers her face with it. “Right,” she says, muffled. “You like it when I’m pedantic.”

“That’s not the word I’d use—”

“You were trying to be smooth just now.”

“And doing a great job of it, clearly,” Cassian says, leaning back on the couch.

“No, you are,” Jyn says, leaning forward to take his hand in hers again briefly. “I’m just...I don’t think I’ve ever had someone like that about me before.”

“How smart you are?”

“I guess,” she says, lifting a shoulder in uncertainty. “I mean, nobody likes feeling stupid, which I’ve been told I can do sometimes. Some people are intimidated by my intelligence.”

“I could see that, sure.”

“But you don’t feel that way?” Jyn asks, giving him a searching look as she does so. It’s clear that this is more of a sore subject than she’s letting on, and Cassian considers his answer accordingly.

“I’m intimidated by you in a good way,” he says, finally. “I love how smart you are, and how passionate you are about the subjects you’re an expert on, and that you can explain those things clearly to other people. And that you choose to use your intelligence for that purpose. I like to think you inspire me to be better.”

Jyn blinks at him, overwhelmed. She looks down at her hands, which she has folded in her lap. “The feeling is mutual.”

“Yeah?”

“Yes, of course,” she says, looking up at his incredulous tone. “I’m a better journalist, and person, because of your influence. And I’m happier, with you, than I’ve been with anyone else, too.”

Cassian’s throat goes dry at that, but it seems like the wrong moment to try to steal her water again. “It’s only been a few days,” he starts to say, but Jyn cuts him off.

“Still,” she says, and tries to hand him the glass of water, as if she could read his mind. Or hear how choked his voice sounds, which is a lot more likely.

He leans forward to take it, but once he’s got it in his hand, he leans past Jyn to put it in the far corner of the table, where it will be out of their way and in no danger of getting knocked over. She gives him a puzzled look in response, which he sees right before he pulls back and puts his hands on her waist. He kisses her, softly, and her hands come up to frame his face.

It only takes a minute of this for both of them to realize, independently, that this is not the most comfortable position they could be in, at the moment. Jyn is the one who decides to remedy the situation first, though, when she pushes Cassian back firmly onto the couch and then follows him, breaking their kiss just long enough to drop into his lap. He wastes no time, once she’s settled, in sliding her coat off her shoulders and down her arms. He replaces his hands on her waist and pulls her in close.

When she pulls away after a few moments, and looks down at him, holding onto him by the back of his neck, he worries, a little, that something is wrong; that something else had cropped up to delay this any further. Jyn must see that worry on his face, because she delicately smooths down his hair where she recently ran her fingers through it, and he feels himself relax.

“What is it?” He asks, quietly. As if speaking too loudly will disturb this moment between them.

“Nothing. I just—” She stops herself, clearly thinking over what she wants to say. “The thing you need to know about the German economy in the 1920s is—”

Jyn pauses when Cassian laughs and buries his face in her neck. Realizing she might take this as a rejection, he kisses under her jaw. “Go on,” he says, against her skin. “I’m listening.”

Jyn laughs before she continues what she was saying, and Cassian honestly can’t remember why he was ever nervous about this.

Wednesday, November 9, 2:12 AM

Rose is the first out of the elevator, not even sparing a glance over her shoulder at them as she takes off. Cassian gives her a thirty second head start and then tugs Jyn forward by their joined hands so they can also leave, without potentially exposing their co-worker to any more of their antics.

“Poor Rose,” Jyn says, as they cross the lobby, hand-in-hand. “She felt really bad about signing the book in my name when she heard how much you paid for it.”

“You told her it was me?”

“Oh. No. She just knew someone paid a lot of money for her forgery. I didn’t tell her about you, once I found out. She’d really think we’re idiots, if she knew that part.”

“And she’d be right,” Cassian says, as he pushes open the door to the building and the cold night air hits them like a punch. They step out onto the sidewalk and Cassian isn’t sure what to do next.

“I don’t actually know where you live,” he says, when they’ve stood in silence for a few seconds.

“Oh,” Jyn says, and looks around as if she doesn’t know where they are. “Well, it’s close.”

“Do you want to walk?” He asks, glancing at what she’s wearing, which notably doesn’t include a jacket. He fights the urge to comment on this questionable decision on her part.

She must notice him looking, though, because she smiles like she’s embarrassed. “Not particularly,” she admits.

“Alright, so, let’s get a cab.”

“Do you mind if we walk a block or two before we do?” Jyn asks, looking at the ground uncomfortably.

“Why?”

“I just try not to get taxis right outside the Alliance building. The drivers are a lot less likely to recognize me, if they don’t pick me up right here,” she says, gesturing at the building behind them, with its blaring LED lights proclaiming the headlines out into the night.

Cassian blinks as he takes a moment to process this new information. Obviously, he knew Jyn was famous. She was decently famous in certain circles before she even started working at ACN, having grown up the daughter of somewhat infamous political operatives. But now, she’s on TV at least twice a day and, moreover, she’s a beautiful, opinionated woman whose field of expertise just happens to be one largely dominated by men. She must get a lot of attention when she’s in public, although Cassian has never put a great deal of thought into how much it must affect her.

He remembers, suddenly, a day, years ago now, when he’d walked into her office to find her mid-rant at Bodhi as she read an article about herself aloud to him.

“I had dinner with my godfather and it ended up in the gossip pages!” She was shouting as she gestured emphatically at the newspaper she was holding. “TMZ, Page Six, People Magazine. All covered it. The news event of me going to a restaurant with a relative. That’s crazy.”

“Not to knock your celebrity status, Jyn, but I think they were only there to see if Saw would do anything crazy this time,” Bodhi had said, laughing. He gave Cassian a nod as he came into the room.

“Well, he didn’t, for once, which left them with no choice but to cover how cheap my outfit was,” Jyn said, tossing the newspaper aside dramatically.

“This is what you get for being such a rising star,” Bodhi said, and Jyn rolled her eyes at him, before turning her attention to Cassian.

They barely knew each other back then, but even so, Cassian knew she was attractive and that he had to be careful around her. The full force of her attention on him, with her face flushed from her tirade and her eyes bright from joking around with Bodhi, had been a lot to take in at once.

“You need him?” She asked, then, and Cassian hadn’t been able to figure out her meaning.

“What?” He’d asked, trying to hide how caught off-guard he was.

“Bodhi?” She replied. “That’s who you’re looking for, right?”

“Oh, no. Sorry,” he said, putting himself back together. “I was looking for you.”

“Me? What for?”

“I need you to cover for Draven on his show tonight. Mon already approved it,” he said, before she could object.

“You want me to host the show?”

“Yes.”

“The entire show?”

“That’s correct.”

“I can’t do what Draven does,” she’d said, finding a way to object anyway. “I’m an economist.”

“You’re expanding your repertoire,” Cassian had said, and Bodhi had smiled at that, and at the frown that Jyn gave in response.

“Why me?” Jyn had asked, hopelessly.

“Why not you?” When that didn’t satisfy her, he added, “You’re my first and only choice. Mon agreed, she thinks you’ll do great.”

Jyn had thought it over for a few moments, before exchanging a look with Bodhi, the meaning of which was lost on Cassian. “You just want me to host your show because I’m a huge celebrity that TMZ cares about now,” she’d said, finally, her accent coming out more clipped and proper when she tried to make fun of herself.

“That’s exactly it. I saw that piece where they said you looked like a cheap hooker and I said, ‘That’s who I need to fill in for Draven,’” Cassian replied.

“You read the article?” Jyn asked, horrified.

“Of course. I had to know who I was getting into bed with.” At her shocked expression, he hurried to add, “Metaphorically speaking.”

“Great.”

“So you’ll do it?”

“I guess,” Jyn answered, with a shrug.

“Perfect. I love the enthusiasm,” he said, and she shot him a dirty look. He was about to leave her office when he’d suddenly turned and, for no other reason than to see how she’d react, added, “And for what it’s worth, I thought you looked like a really expensive hooker in those photos. If that helps.”

Jyn’s reaction hadn’t disappointed. She had flipped him off as he left her office, and he saw Bodhi stifling a laugh out of the corner of his eye. It’s strange to think about that conversation at the beginning of his relationship with Jyn, now that he’s standing with her outside the ACN building. Now that they’re together and they’re really going to try to make it work.

“What is it?” Jyn asks him, seeming to sense that his mind is elsewhere.

“Nothing. You just reminded me of the first time we worked together. When you started covering Draven’s shows when he was out.”

“Let’s not talk about that,” she says, playing with her hair with her free hand. “It was a disaster, the first time. And a few times after that.”

“I was thinking about how I asked you to do it, actually.”

“You said I looked like a prostitute, if I remember correctly.”

“I was just teasing you.”

“I know,” Jyn says. “Bodhi made fun of me constantly after that.”

“Wait, really?”

“Not about looking like a prostitute, which is a pathetic diss to begin with,” she replies. “About you.”

“What about me?” Cassian asks, perplexed.

“Just that you were flirting with me, and trying to flatter me to get me to do the show. Any time I filled in for Draven, he would ask me what you said to convince me. It used to drive me crazy,” Jyn says, and she’s looking away from him again.

“To be fair, I was flirting with you, but my motivation wasn't nearly as professional as Bodhi gave me credit for,” he says, and he’s satisfied to see a blush creeping up Jyn’s neck.

“That’s how you flirt with girls? Calling them hookers?” She asks, but she sounds amused.

“That’s not all I said to you,” he replies, looking down at her hand that he’s holding. When she doesn’t immediately take the bait, he adds, “You’ve already told me you remember, Jyn.”

She sighs, heavily, as if he’s really tormenting her with this question. “You said I was your first and only choice,” she says, quietly, after a moment.

“You still are, for the record,” Cassian says, and brings her hand up to kiss it. “Now, where are we going to get a cab?”

“This way.” Jyn gestures with their clasped hands, and they walk a few blocks away from the ACN building in companionable silence.

When she’s decided they’re far enough away, Jyn steps out to the curb to hail them a taxi and one pulls over almost immediately. Getting into the car necessitates them letting go of each other’s hands, and Cassian is pretty sure that, given Jyn’s discomfort with being recognized, she’s also not going to want to hold hands with him, or otherwise act like a couple, while they’re in the company of the taxi driver. Although, since they’re going to the same address and it’s after two in the morning, he can’t imagine what the driver could think they are, besides a couple. Still, Cassian is surprised when Jyn finishes telling the driver her address and she leans back in the seat and takes his hand in hers again. She’s flush against him, despite how much space there is in the back seat, and he can feel the warmth of her thigh pressed up against his.

He finds himself wondering if it’s possible to have a deep sense memory for something you’ve never experienced before, but that you know someday you will have experienced a thousand times. Is it possible for something to feel familiar even as it’s happening for the first time? To know so clearly and certainly that something or someone is your future, that you’re almost nostalgic for what’s to come? That’s how being pressed into a corner of a cab with Jyn feels, like every cab he’s in by himself from now on is going to seem empty by comparison. Like her curled up against him as close as possible even though she’s worried about what of her personal life ends up in Page Six and gripping his hand with almost uncomfortable pressure feels more like home than his apartment in Queens ever will ever again.

The combination of her tight grip on his hand and how she has begun bobbing her leg up and down alerts Cassian to the fact that Jyn is nervous. He’s not really sure why, aside from the fact that they’re a lot alike and the magnitude of what they’re doing keeps hitting him in waves and so he’s sure it’s doing the same to her. Deciding once and for all that he’s not afraid of whatever story this cabbie could possibly sell to the gossip rags—and being even more reassured that, even if that’s what happened, they’d have a hell of a time figuring out who he even is, because Cassian is certainly not on television several times a day, unlike Jyn—he leans back and kisses Jyn on the cheek.

She turns towards him, a little surprised but there’s amusement lurking around her features. Her nervous movements slow down, momentarily, but her grip doesn’t ease up on his hand. “What was that for?” She asks, at a whisper.

“Just wanted you to know I hadn’t changed my mind. Still.”

“Oh,” she says, and it’s really just an exhale of breath. “Good. Me neither.”

“Good,” he says. He looks ahead, then, and feels Jyn rest her head against his shoulder. He’s sure the nerves, the doubts, will come back, eventually. They always do. But they’ll enjoy the certainty while it lasts, and every time it comes back around, too.

[17cafe]

seventeen college au valentine’s date

(with member of your choice!)

so a little backstory

you and him are in the same art class

and you both always make these little doodles that take just a minute while you do other work

they were always super cute and to be honest it made you find him super cute

long story short things kept happening and u two ended up with crushes on each other hehe

and you found out you liked each other hehehe

just one day before it was valentine’s day he got to class before you

which he was very relieved about

and tucked his little doodle for you under a tin of markers that were at your spot

when you got to class you saw the corner of paper sticking out and u were like

“oh wow i wonder who could have done this”

super sarcasm

you look around for him though but don’t see him anywhere

he was hiding behind a corner looking at u kind of sneaky

to see your reaction

but he was too shy to like be beside you when you looked at the doodle

when you moved the tin off of it and picked it up

and unfolded it 

you saw that the drawing was of you and him

and you were both holding this huge candy heart with equally huge smiles

and on the heart had the words “be mine?”

but in the bottom corner of the paper was another drawing

much smaller

of you both eating the candy heart because why let it go to waste

and you laugh then smile

when he sees you laugh he’s like hooo boy okay yes this is good

and he comes up to you finally

you’re actually so intrigued at how good the drawing is though it isn’t a normal doodle and you jump when he puts his hands on your shoulders

so you turn around and you’re smiling super wide and he’s smiling super wide and you’re like aWWWWW and hug him super tight

the other students in the room were going awww too

and some were ignoring u too but hey that’s okay

in response to the “be mine?” on the heart you say “yes do you even have to ask !!!”

he’s like i wasn’t sure! you can’t blame me! you play footsies under the table with the guy that sits across from us

you’re like uh do u really think that means he’s my boyfriend or something??

he’s like yeah

and you’re like hhahhaha !!! and he’s like ahaah

then the teacher is like okay kids sit down

and class starts

later on after school you stay a couple extra minutes to finish your assignment because you were almost done!! thankfully art was last class of the day for you

he stays with you of course 

after a little while it was just you and him left because the other students all rushed outta there and the teacher left to go bake some clay

you bring up the footsies thing again and you start ranting

not angry ranting but just ranting nonstop

and he literally out of nowhere was like hey...and pecks your lips real quick so you stop talking

you actually gasp and put your pencil crayon down before leaning and kissing him back but on the cheek

he blushes SO HARD

he grabs your hand and bag and drawing and just pulls u out of the room and ur like WHAT are you doing

he doesn’t say anything and pulls you to the library

and sits at a secluded table and it’s so sosoososooo sweet

he just holds your hand and plays with your fingers and he just asks about your day and kind of mumbles things sometimes that u ask him to repeat

and it’s always something like “oh.. i just said you look cute when you make that face..”

the smile and faint blush never leaves his face as you guys talk with each other.. until one of the library workers is like hey we’re closing get out

now its an hour and a half since school ended and u guys are lke woah what

but he’s still holding onto your hand and grabs your bag for u again and leads you outta there

and there’s nobody in the hallways so u guys just wander around in the school and keep talking

but soon your phone rings and ur like whoop! i know what that is gotta go home 

and you pout because you love spending time with him…

but he’s like “no that face is too pretty to pout”

boom your mood is instantly brighter

and he just smiles because he Knows and he’s like alright which way

you’re like ????

he’s like which way to your home

and he obviously walks you home

of course before you open the door to go inside he kisses your forehead.. and he’s like I’ll see you tomorrow right?? it’s valentines day you better come to school :((

and you’re like yes of course i will see you tomorrow!! and he grins and winks and says “tomorrow it is then”

when you go inside and close the door you just sigh and squeal and that dork is jumping around as he walks away and hops all the way home wow he’s such a happy boy

so tomorrow comes aka ~valentine’s day~

art class is right in the morning 

and neither of you have afternoon classes !!

he got up early to look good for u.. he did his hair how you like it and wore a button up shirt with these nice black pants ooo

he got you candy hearts like the drawing and some flowers but shh you don’t know yet

also he drew another picture last night but wait for that ok

he came early because he wanted to be there before you again

he’s checking his hair and breath and making sure his shirt is all nicely resting with no wrinkles or anything

and he’s waiting in the art room beside the door when you come in

you don’t see him n hes like yes my plan worked

he silently follows you and waits until you sit down and whispers “happy valentine’s day~~” and holds the flowers and candy and folded drawing out in front of you and ur like WOAHH

OH BOY

HE PUTS ALL THE STUFF ON YOUR TABLE AND LITERALLY JUST. SPINS YOUR CHAIR

and kiss e s you

and it’s short but passionate and like it sucked the life out of you that was so unexpected

and he pulls back at looks at you all dazed and smiles

both of you are so red

he turns your chair back around and tucks you in before he takes his seat next to you and points to the flowers because he doesn’t want you looking at him he is TOO SHY

“do you like them?? they aren’t valentine colours but they reminded me of you~” because there’s yellow flowers mixed with the pink

and inside u are a total mess like crying but a good cry with heart eyes..

he’s giggling like crazy and you unfold the drawing finally and this boy

“im glad you like the flowers because–”

he drew your faces from side angles and your noses are touching and like the other drawing you both have those big scrunchy smiles

and you CANT you just hug him so tight and wrap your legs around him too because your chairs are against each other like one long chair and just

the other students coming in now are all smiley and some “awww” at you guys and you pull away but

he opens the candy container thing and picks one and brings it up for you to read before putting it in your hand

it’s one that said “be mine?”

more people are smiling and cooing at you guys and you hide your beet red face

he hides his face too but sees you doing it still and whispers in your ear

“you okay?”

you nod but still hide your face and he rubs your back and leans his head on the table right beside yours and hes trying to look at you

“lemme see that pretty face? pleeease?”

soon enough when class starts though he goes and gets the paints and brushes you always use & your project and brings everything to you

he gets to work but wraps his leggies around yours and you’re like ??? but he just keeps doing his own thing

u let it happen no questions just smiles

at the end of class he cleans up all his and your stuff for you too :’) 

and you assume he just didn’t bring a bag or anything today because he has nothing with him

he just picks up all of your stuff and says

“we’re going out to get lunch today!”

and you’re just like ok sunshine!

he’s like o no i should be calling you that...

so you’re like “well why didn’t you”

“dang u right.. i’m sorry prince/ss” and he looks around once again seeing practically nobody in the room then kisses your cheeks like 10 times

all this luck of being nearly alone in a public place wow

you guys go to this small casual restaurant about a block away

you to pick a table as he orders and pays in advance because he knows it’s a good place they never mess up

you come back and ask “what did you order for us?”

he smiles at the word “us” and looks down shyly 

doesn’t respond and picks up where you left off from the conversation after school yesterday

he lightly takes hold of your hand and stares at you so admiringly as you talk

the food all comes soon and ok are you ready

spring rolls with the sauce in a heart shaped dish

sandwiches cut in the shape of a heart

red drink with heart straw

dessert was a cupcake with pink icing and a bit of ice cream in the shape of a heart too

and you were like wo w they’re really in the valentine’s spirit!! and he was like hehe yeah

but really he had to request it and pay extra for all that but it was worth it because he loved when you giggled and smiled so much

when you guys finish eating and talking and get up 

and when you’re at the door just about to leave the waiter comes up with one last thing

a heart balloon!! and hands it to you and u look at your boy

he shrugs and he’s like idk where that came from

you’re like well i do you goober and peck his lips and he’s like heHEEe

he caresses your cheek and kisses you back but you pull away kind of quickly because this is a public place

after leaving the restaurant you guys just walk around the neighbourhood talking and laughing and sneaking lil kissies in here and there

you end up laying in the field by your school and again luck is on your side because nobody else is out there and it’s a bit chilly but sunny and nice

so it’s just you guys on the grass

holding hands and he sings this little song he made for you after getting over his shyness about it

and it makes you fall so much harder

you tied the balloon to your wrist but somehow it came undone

and at one point the balloon flies up and you yell !! and he jumps up and you do too and jump onto his back and you touch the ribbon but it gets away :((

you huff and you’re so sad and lay limp on his back n in a soft voice he’s like “baby it’s okay hey it’s okay”

extra cuddles and kisses as u pretend to stay sad and say it was the most special balloon because he got it for you

tickles you a little so you laugh and man

keeps kissing u so much he can not get enough

they’re always so soft and warm just so delicate

it’s overwhelming because you’ve never really kissed before and now so many in one day !!! but it’s exciting!!

at one point you’re kind of on top of him attacking him in kisses to “get back” at him n you bring your hands up for better balance and end up tickling his sides and he jumps

you’re like >:))

continue the tickling and “revenge” kisses and omg

even though he’s laughing so hard all you hear is silence because you’re just focused on his face and how purely happy he seems and it’s like wow.. i caused that

but you end up laying side by side fiddling with each others fingers

you see the dot of the balloon way up in the clear sky

you two just spend hours at the field sitting and talking and sometimes getting up and running away from the other as they threatened to tickle you 

soon enough it’s already getting dark?? you two were so caught up in each other that you didn’t even realize it

he thought dinner plans were too formal as you two just became a couple and you already went on the cute lunch date !! so he walked you home before it got too dark

you started rubbing your arms because you got cold

you had a jacket on already but he put his coat over your shoulders as well

when he dropped you off he got a little pouty

and you kissed him to make him smile again

of course he did

and of course he held your hands as he looked at you while you talked

he stood outside the door with you for a long time but then you got too cold and got a shiver

and he was like oh no okay go inside

he walked home in the dark and he was a little scared but that didn’t matter because he was so head over heels for you

when he got home he checked his phone and saw a message from you

but even before replying he called his mom and told her all about you omg

he couldn’t help himself

this... angel boy

likes you so much 

he will always do anything to make you smile 

and always protect you and help you and support you 

and love you 

and he knows you’ll do all the same