#I really do think it’s the right medium for me

[ms-spkhd]

Part one

Admittedly, Eddie feels really fucking stupid about it in retrospect. Jeff tells him, in that soft and placating way he tells him anything, that he should stop worrying about his hindsight bias. Yeah, right. Hindsight bias doesn't apply for Steve Harrington dangling himself in front of Eddie's face like the metaphorical carrot on a stick.

It feels like a kick in the head, if anything. One that rattles his brain against his skull like the ricochet of a bullet. Or a maraca with a single, tiny bead in it, if he wants to be more technical about it.

But that's beside the point. What's important is that Steve Harrington is, like, into Eddie--which definitely throws all of his preconceived notions about boy wonder with serial monogamy problems of the heterosexual variety out of the fucking window and past the goalpost--and Eddie's been farting around for the past few months twiddling his fucking thumbs about it.

Well, it's not definitive.

The more that Eddie ruminates on it--and he spends several nights ruminating on it--Jeff's theory that Steve might be tipping the Kinsey scale sounds like...well. A theory.

It's the doubt that comes rearing its head that stops Eddie in his tracks from actually doing anything.

("Wow," Jeff grumbles as they hotbox in the back of Jeff's hand-me-down olive green Pinto a week after their stunning revelation, "trust Virgin Supreme to self-sabotage when someone is begging for you to climb on his lap and--"

"I told you that in confidence," Eddie spits as he digs through the glove compartment for a cassette to replace the oft-abused Kill 'Em All tape that's been blaring on repeat for the past two hours. "You're really mean when you're high, you know that, right?"

Jeff shrugs and takes a hit of the blunt they've been sharing. "I'm releasing my inhibitions. You can't silence me.")

Eddie trusts Steve. Of course he'd lay down his life for the man that dragged him out of hell without a single look behind like a preppy fucking Orpheus. But there's always the lingering thought that, despite everything they've gone through together, Eddie loving Steve would be the tipping point that ruins everything.

He finds himself balancing the line of keeping it in, too scared of the risk his heart will pose on their friendship, and fully committing to the pipe dream of Steve Harrington possibly wanting him back.

And, in Jeff's wise words, Biblically.

"Hey, Bird," Eddie asks Robin one night at the drive-in theater when Steve's out buying their snacks--medium popcorn loaded with cheddar powder and butter for Eddie, since he just popped a Lactaid ten minutes beforehand, and Milk Duds for Robin--"What would you do, hypothetically, if you think someone is really into you--"

"Here we go," Robin sighs, leaning back in the passenger seat. Eddie can't help but feel miffed at her dismissive attitude, but he knows for a fact that she's all ears.

"--And you, hypothetically, really like them back, but you don't know for sure if they actually, hypothetically, want you, or if it's just wishful thinking on your part?"

"Any you mean this totally hypothetically?" Robin says as she turns to face the rear seats where he's sitting and chewing at his cuticles.

"Yeah. This is a theoretical situation that I want your input in. Think of it like a...thought experiment."

Robin nods with narrowed eyes, like she sees through the bullshit with an all-seeing eye. "Right. Thought experiment. Is this hypothetical person a queer or not?"

"It never crossed your mind," Eddie confirms. "She looks like the posterchild of suburban heterosexuality, but she's gotten very invested in your very gay sex life out of the blue recently."

"So which one of you is the man invested or tell me about what eating out is like invested?"

"Tell me what eating out is like invested."

Robin hums in thought, tapping her index finger against her chin like the situation is really vexing her. "That sounds pretty gay, Eddie."

She is right, that does sound pretty gay. But it doesn't help him in his predicament at all, since Steve seemed to back off about the 'so do you play rock paper scissors to find out who gets it?' questions after Eddie frustratedly admitted that 'DnD club president and metalhead virgin at almost twenty' wasn't exactly a hot item in Indianapolis, much less Hawkins.

"Okay, new layer," Eddie says, leaning forward and resting his elbows on his knees. "What if, say, instead of asking you out--which you think is her next move--she starts trying to set you up with a bunch of girls you don't know."

There's muffled chatter from outside the Beemer's windows. Cars rev in the distance as they pull into the lot. Eddie watches Robin in contemplative silence as she thinks through her answer.

"That is difficult," she concedes, and Eddie is feeling more desperate than ever. "Can't imagine that ever happening to me."

Eddie mumbles, "Thank God it's a hypothetical."

"But if you think about it, it's either some misguided attempt to put me out there, or it's a Hail Mary to get me to realize I like her."

"Okay, well. Both options seem pretty hard to differentiate when you don't know what the fucking context behind the action is."

"For what it's worth," Robin says, her expression softening ever-so-slightly, "I think it's the Hail Mary. It's not my place to tell, but you should really give up the idea that it's wishful thinking and give it a shot."

Eddie's a millisecond away from asking, is it that obvious? before there's a sharp knock against his window. He yelps, head whipping around to find Steve with that sly grin slapped on his stupid, handsome face.

Eddie rolls down the window and tries to school his expression. He doesn't need to, really, because Steve shoves the popcorn into his hands and declares, "A medium sized popcorn with cheddar powder and lots of fucking butter for you, my friend. Bone of a teeth."

"Just fucking say it regularly," Robin groans as he yanks open the drivers seat door and tosses her a box of Milk Duds. "I know you can, you jackass!"

Steve laughs, full and hearty, as he turns to look at Eddie in the rear seats. He's like bottled-up sunshine contained into the shape of an American heartthrob. He's like Venus as a boy.

Eddie feels like he's staring down the barrel of a gun.

Another week of ruminating goes by, this time with Robin's words echoing in his head like a reverb pedal, and Eddie keeps that yellow pick near his heart the entire time. It's a real push and pull type situation, he realizes. His heart goes one way, his brain goes the other, which is fucking typical.

He doesn't talk to Jeff about it, because he knows he'll get the same answer, and he doesn't dare talk to Robin about it again. He feels she knows too much, and he has know idea how much she's accidentally telepathically transferred to Steve.

Eddie is about halfway through debating shaving his hair off as a way of regaining control when he finds Steve standing on his doorstep like a fucking Mormon.

"Eddie, man," Steve says with zero preamble, "my cousin's boyfriend has a roommate that I think you'd like."

"Nice weather we're having," Eddie responds blankly. Frankly, with the way things are going, he's getting sick of it.

But he can't help the way that Steve still looks beautiful as his eyebrows bunch together and pretty pink lips pinch into a thin line.

"Come on, man. I think this'll be a good start for you. I think he's into the same bands as you. I think Kathy said he was a Skid Row roadie, or something like that."

"I'm not that big of a Hair Metal guy," Eddie admits, and Steve deflates a bit.

"Well, if it helps, he kind of looks like me.' Jesus Christ. "Devastatingly handsome and all."

Eddie's damn near about to snap like a worn-out Stretch Armstrong being mauled by two pitbulls. He feels like he's about to blow a fucking gasket in front of the guy he's been holding very ill-advised affection towards since his sophomore year of high school. The very same guy who's been trying to set Eddie up with literally everyone with a functioning penis with exception of himself, the only guy Eddie has wanted. Ever.

There's no way Steve is that dense, right?

Eddie knows that the guy's smart, despite everyone telling him otherwise. Steve can definitely do mental math better than Eddie can dream of doing--since Frankie Gershwin passed down the sacred Hellfire DM calculator once Eddie took over Hellfire after he graduated--and he actually graduated on time, unlike yours truly.

But Eddie doesn't fucking get it.

"Steve," Eddie blurts, rather unceremoniously, "what are you doing?"

Steve blinks. His smile wanes dangerously low. "...I'm setting you up with a handsome dude."

"I don't understand why you're doing this though. Are you fucking with me, or something?"

"No, dude, I just..." Steve's expression shifts. His shoulders sag and he rakes a hand through his hair. He looks devastatingly earnest. "I just want to see you happy."

"If you want me to be happy," Eddie snaps, "then just ask me out yourself, since I've fucking been in love with you since April."

Steve freezes, hazelnut eyes like full moons on dinnerplates.

Eddie's hand flexes on the doorknob as he resists the white-hot urge to slam the door shut on Steve's shocked face. Maybe he should take a vacation down south to Mexico. Perhaps change his name and never come back. Hopefully there'll be sweet and earnest boys with olive skin and luscious hair waiting for him on the beaches of Cancun. Holy shit this is a fucking disaster.

"Oh," Steve says.

"Yeah, oh."

"You love me?" Steve asks, eyes sparkling like the rural sky. He draws closer to Eddie, raising a hand that begs to touch him.

"When have I not?" Eddie admits as leans into Steve's touch against his shoulder and laces their fingers together.

I guess I was, uh. I wasn't expecting it." Steve smiles softly and gazes at their intertwined hands.

"Do you?"

"Do I what?"

"Love me too?"

"Oh God." It's like Eddie's staring straight into the sun, with the ways Steve's smile grows more intense with each second. He wants to have it burned into his retinas. "Of course I do. It feels so stupid how much I'm obsessed with you."

"You know, you have a weird way of putting it, what with all the setting me up with guys I don't know," Eddie chirps. Steve chuffs and shakes his head like a guilty dog.

"I guess I wasn't expecting you to want me back. I wasn't sure you'd go for guys like me."

For jocks hangs heavy and silent in the air between them, as if Steve hasn't quite jumped over that hurtle of guilt over the person he was in high school. Sure, he was king of the letter crowd, but he's nothing like the douchebag from '83. Steve would never shove him into a locker or be a general chest-beating moron around Eddie, because he's not a moron. He's sweet and dorky and a little misguided, sometimes, but he has the heart of the size of a mack truck and a kindness to show it.

The thought of Steve talking Eddie's ear off about Sportsketball and the works sends an excited little shiver down his spine.

"I would," Eddie says, completely and utterly honestly. "God, I would for you."

He brings Steve's hand to his lips and smacks a wet kiss over the soft skin. "And the necklace..."

"That was my Hail Mary," Steve admits with a bashful shrug of his shoulders.

"I haven't taken it off since you've given it to me."

Steve releases his grip from Eddie's spindly hand and brushes his fingertips against Eddie's collarbone, tugging at the chain of the necklace until it untucks itself from underneath Eddie's shirt. Eddie watches the way that Steve lights up like a fucking electrical surge at the hint of sunshine yellow against his pale skin. It makes Eddie flush a bright red.

And when Steve's palm flattens against Eddie's chest and pushes him inside Eddie's new government loaned trailer, he lets himself be pushed against the wall and kissed.

And kissed, and kissed, and kissed.

Sufficed to say, when Eddie wakes up the next morning with Steve drooling against the back of his neck and his warm hand splayed against the skin of his naked chest, Eddie vows to always take Jeff's word for it.

____________

holy shit i was not expecting for part one to get that much fanfare. to be honest, i was totally intending for it to be a one and done to explore eddie and jeff's friendship, and believe me, my heart is so warmed by the reception it got. i recently have gotten myself out of a months long slump and have been swamped with college work, so i apologize for my writing being so few and far between. thank you all and i hope this is the resolution you were waiting so patiently for! :)

@grtwdsmwhr @eyehartart @bananahoneycomb @notasmoothman @colidamae

[chaifootsteps]

i think the dragon fucking thing is the dumbest shit people have gotten on you for because there really truly is no real world equivalent to it. like yeah lizards exist but the biggest ones are about the size of a small or medium sized dog, and all without what likely makes a dragon sexy to you! which is the huge size and sentience and the sharp teeth and all that good stuff! it's just monster fucking to me. because what else is it comparable to?

also i honestly just feel like people want to have their morally right opinions in a community built upon critical analysis that talks about how problematic certain things are in these shows to a sometimes excessive degree for cartoons about demons in hell, while ignoring all the genuine good you've done for helping vivs actual victims speak out and have a voice/platform, to make them feel better about their critical voices, because you dont just. complain that viv is a bad writer who botches adult topics in her adult shows like a femcel 14 year old on wattpad. (although you still do that and it's absolutely warranted because she does, i just feel like part of the reason people feel comfortable coming to you is because you're honest about who you are and what you enjoy in fiction, you're mature enough to understand morality in fiction vs morality irl and the difference between it, and obviously the fact that you're an anonymous voice who can easily archive this info for years to come compared to other websites. and to me there's a major difference between the stuff youre writing and the stuff vivs writing based on scale and audience. you aren't going to make anyone want to fuck their pet lizards, but vivs certainly given lots of people a warped idea of consent and why someone should be harassed if you look at her likes.)

anyway, this ask was kinda long and i dunno what else you could contribute besides a thank you, so if you feel like it, could you give a list of the top 5 fictional (i can't believe im saying fictional because DRAGONS ARENT REAL,) dragons you'd bone in a heartbeat?

Thanks, Anon, I appreciate it! <3

I think it's one of the more unsettling things they come at me for, because let me tell you, the idea that dragons = bestiality came up out of nowhere. A couple of years ago, the big trend in art/writing online was sexy dragons as the preferred love interest for princesses, and it was everywhere. And then, suddenly, they were problematic and I was getting 19 year olds arguing with me that it was "against federal law."

That weird thing you like, even if it's considered utterly vanilla today? I promise you, it'll be next. It's already starting to happen with anthros.

I think liking weird fictional things openly and unabashedly, and being able to argue in favor of why you do, is important. I think it's normal, human, and makes it makes everything safer on the whole, and makes it easier to root out the actual creeps.

But yes! Dragons!

Draco, my second major fictional crush. The first was The Beast.

2. Smaug.

3. Paarthurnax

4.Ventuswill

5. Literally every dragon daddy in the Spyro Reignited Trilogy. That game had me sweating.

[haleigh-sloth]

The author made Rin like completely dependent on other ppl to function in whatever way be it good or bad is like he doesnt even enjoy soccer he just started it bc Sae liked it and told him to do it and only plays it now bc Isagi is better than him and was acknowledged by Sae.

Yes exactly

(I don’t think it’s a good thing)

Also what makes Rin so ridiculous is that technically Isagi isn’t better than him. They’re probably evenly matched, but Rin still has the top spot. So like, him obsessing over Isagi like this while maintaining the top spot is so funny to me 💀.

Anyway.

I think there’s a part of Rin inside himself he hasn’t found yet, because remember he had this impulse to go kick that ball in the middle of his brother’s soccer game as a kid. Some part of him enjoys soccer because it’s fun to him and it’s probably exhilarating to score goals and win, but he’s too devastated and hurt to remember that.

A lot of characters’ arcs have either kickstarted (heh) or revolved around finding what soccer is about for them and why they play. For Chigiri it’s outrunning people with his speed. Isagi helped him remember that just by being fired up during a match. Bachira remembered that soccer is just fun, whether he has people to play with or not, but in the end he found that he still has Isagi even if he doesn’t need him. For him Isagi is just fun to be with. Isagi even remembered during the current match that he wants to win. Granted, he’s a little off right now because he’s still focusing on Rin, but that’s what he enjoys with soccer, winning.

Then you have characters who never knew what their reasons were and are trying to figure it out. Rin isn’t alone here, Nagi is stuck here too. He beat Isagi (by his standards) and now he feels apathetic the way he used to at the beginning of the manga (his side manga really emphasizes how far he’s come from this) and is falling in the ranks, and wants to figure out what’s missing for him to enjoy it again.

Then you have characters who lost their reason, like Kunigami. And his stuff is really a mystery right now, but my guess is that he’ll get back in touch with his resolve of wanting to be a hero.

I’d say characters who are good examples of maintaining their reasons, even if they look to Isagi for inspiration, are Barou and Niko and Chigiri. Hiori too. All of them have been affected by Isagi but that hasn’t led them astray or caused them to mentally spiral.

I think that’s the end goal for everyone. I read the editor’s comments about how Blue Lock is about finding friendship even through prioritizing yourself and what you want, and not just letting yourself fade into the background for the sake of everyone else. Basically finding the happy medium between individualism and collectivism. Knowing some basic information about how Japanese society operates puts this perspective and really highlights how the manga is not like other sports manga or even shounen manga in general by focusing on team work and nothing else. It’s good about emphasizing that asserting yourself isn’t a bad thing, just don’t go too far to the other end of the spectrum and isolate yourself either. I love it.

[acetheta]

top five favorite pjo characters?

okay you have definitely opened a tomb here LMFAOOO

1) no surprise to literally anyone. my boy jason grace 🫶🫶🫶🫶🫶 he has my heart and i will forever be ranting abt him especially to @sacrifical-lamb-core !!1!1! honestly there is so much about him that i never picked up on as a child. to me i headcannon him as gay for starters right? growing up i always DID love him. but i also feel like i kind of adopted him 😭 i remember the internet hating him so much jt was like FUCK YOU I HAD LITERALLY NO OPINION ABT HIM BUT SINCE U ALL DESPISE HIM HE IS NOW MY SON. im a big believer hes gay for a lot of reasons but i feel like i need to make a separate post about that 😭,. he is so traumatized 🫶 valgrace 5eva

2) ok basic ik…. nico di angelo ! besides loving nico’s character sm i saw myself in him a lot growing up. im a lesbian but was very closeted reading pjo 😭!!!! i could really relate to how he felt especially this idea of having to grow up too fast and not wanting to be gay but then like. HE found his place. if he could then maybe i could too. also im pagan but SPECIFICALLY a medium so uh !! that in common too 😭 also his character is so interesting i luv him so sososo much :3

3) okay like i know i already mentioned valgrace but i also love leo im sorry 😞….. i also see leo as gay!!! honestly i HATED leo growing up 😭 i think it is because liek. i did not understand the concept of headcannons growing up 🙁 ,. so i was like ok why tf is he like this and being a closeted lesbian im likr i do NOT get the hype!!!! but then i got really into valgrace and the lost trio and i luv them!!! (piper gets an honorable mention but i didnt want to do EVERYONE in thr lost trio LMFAO)

4) okay we getting controversial here 🤗 this past year ive gotten so fixated on beryl grace and i am such a beryl defender,. yes ofc how she treated jason and thalia wasnt okay!!! on the other hand, she is literally an abuse survivor. zeus (from pjo!!!) i didnt have phone access for awhile and i had a lot of timr to think about things 😭!!! how i see it is like. imagine if a GOD told u he loved u. someone who can literally kill / hurt life with a snap of their fingers. someone who is so much more than human. a fucking god tells u he loves u. imagine what that would do to someone? she literally went crazy. how she was written is like “she was a famous hollywood star and she was never a good person and just wanted to fuck zeus!!!” uhm no. ❤️. god . i just wanna know her backstory sooo badddd. like what made her want to go to hollywood? my personal headcannon is she had such a shit home life growing up she just wanted someone to notice her and so hey!! hence she wanted lots of attention cause she never got any growing up. then here comes A GOD who gives her exactly that!! she loved him. imagine a god tells u he loves u and bsfr its (pjo) zeus he probably made up some bs about how she was the only one he wanted and all that shit. he tells u he wants u then once u have a child, he leaves. u go mad. u just wanted one person to notice u. love YOU. and the one person (who was THE KING OF THE GODS ) ups and leaves u with a newborn child. it would drive anyone to insanity.

5) i have a lot of honorable mentions but vv similar to nico: will solace also meant sosoos much to me growing up. i saw myself in him. this happy go lucky guy who is literally the epitome of sunshine and though i didn’t understand it as much as i do now, how dark his life really is. i would DEFINITELY be a child of apollo :3!!!! i could get really into it but as a child him (and nico) were my saviors. they will always mean sm to me 🫶

[flowerhashira-kanae]

(Ah okay! Thanks!!)

“Lady Tamayo and Yushiro? You were told about them as well. I thought only Shinobu, myself, and my family knew about them. I guess it makes sense that the master would tell the other hashira of them and our work so it doesn’t seem suspicious. I’ll have to ask Tamayo about this.” She thinks about how everything seemed to be falling into place too easily. She was still a little cautious of everyone here given the circumstances. She wished she would’ve brought Kanao or something. “Hm….I’ve never met a real medium and I don’t think I’ve heard the term tamer used often either. That sounds like something they’d call Tanjiro for making so many friends with such hostile people and creatures.” She laughs and little before stopping herself. That last part was more of an inside thought that got out. She looks at them a little embarrassed. “I apologize.” She continues to listen to them. “I think for their privacy yes it would be best to go inside but I will be on my guard at any wrong move.” She knew that they could probably already tell that by the way she was speaking and how stiff she appeared compared to normal but she knew that she didn’t want to lie to them by giving them false hope with her smile. “Yes I understand. A lot of demons had not so great lives and that’s why they are here today. A demon I met had been turned just because of an illness he had and he thought he was doing the right thing for his family by changing….” She looks away as she recounts Rui’s story. She didn’t want to continue in fear of tearing up. She takes a deep breath before putting her smile back on. “It’s very nice to meet you Asaki. I’m Kanae. I hope that you all are happier now with your new homes and your chosen family.” She shakes his paw and tries not to laugh at his tail wagging and hitting Tsubaki. She lets his hand go after a bit and looks at the older girl. She wasn’t very frightened by any of these children. They were not any more deformed than a normal demon and she had definitely seen uglier and scarier things/demons while being a demon slayer. “Don’t worry you all didn’t startle me. Demons are a thing I see on a regular basis so nothing really spooks me too much. Except spiders,” she mumbles that last part. “Though I’m very glad to have met you all and I hope we can be friends along the way.” She didn’t want to tell them about Rui yet in fear of anything going bad she didn’t want him to get hurt no matter how strong he is.

*A red fox with a camellia flower red collar and a messenger bag scampers up to you before barking softly to get your attention, perhaps the little creature has something for you?*

She looks down at the smaller creature with a gentle smile. “Hello there little one how can I help you today?” She reaches her hand down slowly to let the little fox sniff her and get her scent.

[honeyxwildfire]

// Wolf & Scarlet WIP //

[icewindandboringhorror]

Pages from trying to keep a little sketchbook-scrapbook type thing going for two weeks lol. I gave myself specific rules in hopes they might all end up more cohesive/consistent seeming, but alas, scribbly chaos reigns, it seems

[copper-sands]

starting to think that maybe it's a good idea to stop forcing myself to create and take a break actually

[moe-broey]

One thing they don't tell you about the Senshi tulpa that WILL inevitably manifest in your mind to tell you to eat better is that. Every time I make myself a coffee via kuerig instantly, I can hear him. Lamenting the fact that I have become so accustomed to convenience and ease that even a standard coffee machine has become foreign to me. I am thinking about how to make coffee without use of a machine in the first place, I am wondering where my french press went, I can see him. In my mind. Showing me how to make coffee in The Dungeon. Dungeon Coffee.

[sysig]

Guess who :3c (Patreon)

[marshbarks]

this is smth thats not gonna make sense to most ppl who follow me but 'm Thinking again so tag rambly

[babykittenteach]

2023 in review! I made an effort to try more things and it worked mostly (at least for TV and movies). New things, new-to-me things, and new installments of old things all had characters to love even if I didn't necessarily feel fannish about them, and I'm hoping 2024 does, too.

[unproduciblesmackdown]

Full Tech Day One pic today from kiko laureano (denizen of skid row / ensemble) & video (that's four seconds of "ya never know" playing over the static image) from & ft. marcia milgrom dodge (director / choreographer) double captioning "there might be puppets in this musical ;)" & "Well Shake my hand! Come see LITTLE SHOP OF HORRORS @guthrietheater featuring @actually_will_roland's hand!"

[bacchuschucklefuck]

Do you write fh (jy) fan fiction? If so is there a way I can read it? Thanks :>

I'll say I am writing fh fanfics! but its currently in my computer and nowhere else. maybe one day I'll get what I'm writing done and somewhere not my computer and I'll let folks know!

[stardusteyes]

I have to say, I did have some doubts about Ariana Grande's casting as Glinda at first, (though I was always certain that her singing would be killer) but after watching the trailer, I am now more or less convinced that she will do a great job

[myonmukyuu]

marker practice ayumu