#I realized that there weren’t enough bisexual characters and also that I can change this whenever I want

[noxnights]

From One O’Hara to Another

Credit for all these amazing characters goes to @lumosinlove and big thanks to @heyitssmiller for betaing!

CW: struggling with coming out

Finn wants to come out to Alex.

-

Finn was alone in the apartment. Logan and Leo had gone out to dinner and Finn had decided to take some time to curl up on their couch with a blanket and a book and fall into a new story. Except now he was staring at the pages, not reading a word. 

He hadn’t told his family, any of his family, about him and Logan and Leo. Leo’s family knew of course and Logan’s sisters had been aware of their feelings since Christmas. But Finn just couldn’t. Every time he called Alex he choked on his words. He wanted Alex to know so badly, but with every missed opportunity he felt worse and worse. Alex had to know something was up: he’d seen Logan and Finn during college, and there was that one night when Finn had called him, unable to speak, he had cried for the better part of the call. 

Finn felt like he could tell everyone else, he didn’t worry about new teammates or friends, but with his big brother the fear of losing him outweighed everything else. And the worst part was he’d been brushing off how much stress trying to tell Alex was causing him. Logan and Leo knew he hadn’t told Alex yet, but when they asked he’d just shrugged saying he’d rather do it in person. He didn’t tell them how many phone calls, facetimes, and texts had been almosts. He didn’t tell them how much he was hurting. 

That was his first mistake, he realized as he sat there alone. He hadn’t wanted them to think he was ashamed or that they were unloved. He shook his head a little at the thought, he wasn’t thinking rationally; Finn knew they were a team and he could rely on their support. He could put some of the weight he was carrying down. 

Feeling exhausted, and knowing his boys likely wouldn’t be back for several more hours, he decided to head to bed early. 

When Finn woke up, light was streaming into the room and he lay between Leo, who had an arm loosely circling his waist, and Logan, who had intertwined his legs with Finn’s. He stayed there breathing in his boys, letting their presence, their warmth, comfort him. He would do it, he would tell them what was going on as soon as they woke up. He took another deep breath: in-out, in-out. 

Logan stirred after another minute, always one to notice when his boyfriends’ breathing had changed. He propped himself up on one arm, taking the other hand and running it across the crease of Finn’s brow.

“Fish? Everything okay?”

Finn’s voice felt tight. He nodded, but he knew tears were collecting in his eyes. He swallowed hard, trying to breathe.

“Fish?” Logan asked again.

Finn just closed his eyes and shook his head. Nothing about this should be so difficult, but it was. When he opened his eyes again Leo was awake too, looking at him with concern- a mirror to Logan’s face. 

“Finn, what can we do to help?” Leo tried, always ready to offer up whatever he could. 

Finn just turned over, burying his face in the pillow. He could do this, he just couldn’t do it while looking at them. 

“You remember how I told you I was just waiting to see Alex in person to tell him about us? How I said it wasn’t really a big deal?”

Both boys murmured affirmatively. 

“I- well, that’s not exactly true. I-I’ve tried to tell him so so many times, but I can’t.” Finn flipped onto his back and stared at the ceiling, where the glowing stars he’d gotten for Leo hung- they were grounding, a reminder of the night that had changed so much for the three of them. A reminder of their beginning. It allowed him to get his next words out: “I am so scared and it’s only getting worse. I’m sorry.”

“Hey, you have nothing to be sorry for Finn,” said Leo.

Logan added, “we’re not upset or angry at all. It’s up to you when you come out and- well I think Cap and Loops’ situation affected us more than we like to think it did.” 

Finn nodded, he knew they were both right. “Yeah, I just, I want to tell him, I’m going to tell him, but what if he…” Finn left the thought unfinished. He couldn’t even say it.

Leo brushed his hand through Finn’s hair while Logan spoke up. “Finn, I know Alex, he won’t react badly. All he wants is for you to be happy, and-” Logan hesitated before continuing, “I mean we- we weren’t the most subtle in college, were we? You told me how he’s always been there for you and he’ll be there this time too. I’m sure of it.”

It was silent for a moment before Leo spoke, a certain softness laced his words. “If- if you wanted to just start by telling him about you and Lo, and you know wait to mention me, that’d be okay with me. Just so you know.”

Finn turned to face Leo immediately, “Baby- no. Not a chance. I- I would never leave you out or behind. I’m scared, yes, but I want to tell him because I love you. I love you both and I want him to know the people I love as the people I love. I- I know why you’re offering but I would never lie about loving you. I need you to know that.”

“I know. I just, I thought it might be easier, and I want you to be able to tell Alex. I want that for you.”

“I do too, and I think more than anything I needed to tell you guys. I needed to let go of some of the weight I’d been holding.” Finn brought both boys in for a kiss and whispered “I love you’s”. 

Talking with Leo and Logan had helped a lot. He was still extremely nervous, but it no longer felt so impossible. Leo’s offer had given him some answers: he wanted to share his loves with one of his favorite people in the world. Realizing that showed Finn how he was stronger than his fear.

He waited until Leo and Logan were out again, running errands and seeing a movie, and then went to the three of theirs room. He lay back on the bed and dialed Alex’s number. 

The phone rang once, twice, then “Hey O’Hara, how’s it going? Oh- you’re never going to guess where I am!” 

For a moment Finn didn’t say anything. This would be just like every other time. 

Alex’s voice came through the phone again, “Finn?” 

“Uh- yeah- hey.”

“What’s up? Everything okay?” 

“Um, no not really. Well actually, yes everything is great, but also right now not really.”

“Okay, do you want to talk about it?” Alex sounded confused. Of course he sounded confused, Finn knew he wasn’t making any sense. 

Finn tried again. “Do you remember that time, while I was at Harvard, I called you?”

“Yeah. Of course.” There could only be one phone call Finn was talking about.

“Okay, well it’s kind of about the same thing, but the opposite.”

“The opposite?”

“I- yeah I’m dating someone- someones actually.”

“Fish! That’s great! I’m so glad you found-”

Finn cut Alex off. If he was going to say it he had to say it. He had to get it all out. “It’s- I’m dating Logan and, and Leo. Both of them.”

He heard Alex take a breath, and, in turn, he knew Alex could hear him crying. 

“Finn, you know it doesn’t matter who you love as long as you’re happy. That’s the only thing I care about.”

“I know, or well I do know that, but I was- I just mean a lot of people don’t react well to someone, especially someone in their family, being bisexual, and even more so to them being polyamorous. I didn’t want to lose you, but I love them. I had to tell you. I love them.” 

“This changes nothing between us, except that now we can double date. I love you no matter what, and you know I’d never judge you for any of that.” Alex paused letting the call hang silent for a moment. “I mean it’d be a little hypocritical of me.” 

“Hypocritical?” Finn croaked.

Alex gave a shaky laugh, “yeah, I was actually going to surprise you this week and uh- hopefully have you meet, or uh- really just reintroduce you to my partners. Which maybe we can still do? You bring yours and I’ll bring mine?”

“Yeah, yes! One hundred percent. Wait- reintroduce, does that mean I know them?”

“Maybe…” Alex said slyly. “But really, from one bisexual polyamorous hockey player to another, it’s going to be okay Finn. I’ll always love you and I’m proud of you for telling me.”

“I’ll always love you too, and Alex?”

“Yeah?”

“I’m really proud of you too.”

Finn could hear Alex’s smile, “thanks Fish, how does Saturday- tomorrow- sound?”

“Tomorrow? Aren’t you in Florida?”

“Actually I um, I’m already in Gryffindor.”

“You’re in Gryff right now?”

“Yeah- I’m staying with my people, remember how I said I was going to surprise you?”

“Oh. Yeah, I guess that got lost in all the other news.”

“Fair enough.”

“So tomorrow, around one for lunch? You bring yours and I’ll bring mine?” Finn clarified, using the chance, the freedom he now had to talk about his boyfriends. He felt like his heart was going to beat out of his chest, even that simple phrase made him giddy with joy.

“Yeah, tomorrow. You bring yours, I’ll bring mine. Love you Fish.”

“Love you too Alex.”

[swtki]

The writing of female characters being “straight” and having loving male/female relationships that are obv real and not a “convince myself im straight” thing and then gets introduced to another female and suddenly theyre marked as a lesbain is a bit weird .

You can make a character queer later in the show sure, but bi women constantly feel like a character trope and not as a complex, unique individual who just happens to like two genders.

We see this happen with Willow from Buffy The Vampire Slayer. Lets be honest, Oz and Willow were a very powerful couple; its very clear that she absolutely adores him. They wrote Willow to love Oz, like actually love him. Not in a friend way, in a “I want to marry you” way. And we see that same feeling in Willow and Taras relationship. But I see a lot of the time people call Willow a lesbian, or “it turns out shes a lesbian”. She didn’t have a story line where she realizes she DOESN’t like men, just that she likes Tara.

Oz wasn’t the one for Willow not because he is a man, but because he is not Tara.

Willow should have been the first bisexual character in my life, but because it was overlooked and simplified; I had nobody, nothing to see myself in until I was old enough to go on tumblr. And I was pretty old before I saw an openly bisexual character.

note: I was 16/17 when I wrote this, and my view point has changed, but I still think Willow and Oz were oddly written as not to be end game but nobody saw her ending up with Tara so it kind of feels like a “what if we just made Willow a lesbian teehee” thing.

Also JW says Willow would have been bi but 2000s viewers weren’t ready for that

[maxbernini]

Omg your post made me want Max headcanons. 🙏 Pls more of that elbowing Max in the ribs energy.

ask and ye shall receive 😁 sorry about the lack of read-more again!!

max:

- the thing about max is that his life is a movie and he’ll simultaneously cast himself as both hero and villain. he’s the jack to tiff’s rose! he won’t get off that door! instead he’ll swoop in when she’s at her lowest, offend his friends purely to defend her the first time they meet, serenade her in public, sing her baby to sleep via facetime with a song he wrote - and then gets mad when said baby is in hospital and tiff is too busy to answer his call. she says he has no right to use moïra against her and max literally says “i know, i agree, it’s fucked up, i’m fucked up, i predicted this, i can’t help it”. but that’s a lie; he can and he knows that, too, it’s just easier to paint yourself as inherently unloveable, inherently bad, allowing those doubts to fester so if it all goes to shit you’re able to seek twisted comfort in the safety of saying: see! look at you! there’s no point in changing, this is inevitable! now, i’m so glad the show never had tiff be like “well you’re more of a man than he is!” to max re: aurélien (so many rancid layers) but it is canon that max’s insecurities are tied up in his transness, masculinity, manhood, trust issues, and heterosexuality (he says as much when talking about dating maya). all of this is to say: i hope max finds peace, i hope he befriends lots of types of trans men, i hope he falls in love over and over - with life, with others, with himself - and most importantly, i hope the french government funds the romantic drama action spy nautical musical thriller film that currently only exists in max’s dreams, because he might genuinely snap if it doesn’t come to life (like with most things, i blame that canon furry for letting max be the cinematographer in s6 and giving him a taste for film)

- that was long so a shorter one: it’s canon that he wants to go into teaching, and i swear he either says he wants to teach history OR he never actually says what subject. so if it’s the latter, i’m saying he becomes a music teacher instead. he’s patient with real little kids, good at making up songs to help them remember stuff, but when it comes to the teens?? he WILL flirt with all the milfs waiting to pick said teens up and he WILL insist on wonderwall being the first song they have to learn on guitar. he doesn’t even like it himself (obviously, it’s too popular), but he wants to annoy his students and/or their hard metal classic rock loving fathers as a plot to again, get closer to the milfs. why why why did he call tiff that.

- if we’re talking elbow-ribs energy, then i think max LOVES la mif but i also think the only person he actually LIKES in la mif is redouane, and that’s bc they’ve interacted the least one on one. he and lola come together for weekly bitter bisexual brooding sessions (completely silent bc they operate on the same sad wavelength); he and jo would genuinely fist fight each other if they weren’t so loyal to the idea of loving tiff; he’s too sarcastic and petty for sékou (though it won’t stop him from being whiny if sékou doesn’t pay him enough attention), he canonically has multiple pics of maya on his wall and that’s his daily safe dose of militant environmental feminism lesbian energy; and whilst it’s canon that bilal thinks max is attractive, idk if max is yet at a point where he realizes that it’s mutual (probably another reason why he wants to fist fight jo now that we’re living in a post-jolal world, though again: her elbows are so used to kissing his ribs that the bones inside are probably now made of metal and legally classified as a weapon, aka: i don’t think he’d win the fight).

give me a character and i’ll tell you three pieces of headcanon i have about them! 

[caffiine]

A BRIEF PAUSE

From my regularly scheduled content. I’ve got some shit to say, y’all (forewarning for spicy language and spoilers)

I thought about making this post on my fandom subblog but this show and this relationship have been TOO important to me for the past 8 years to not give it its proper place in my life. strap in bc im not sure how long this mf is about to be.

When i started this DUMB show at age 19 tortured soul “empath” dark academia me thought sam winchester was going to be my favourite character. and don’t @ me, i love sam now in his own right (and we deserve some SAILEEN PEOPLE). but after literally less than 5 episodes i KNEW dean’s character and his arc were going to be amazing and beautiful and he immediately became my favourite brother. The nuances of his character i.e. his shell vs his true self were so evident to me even in the first couple seasons. in my humble opinion, he had the most growth of the two brothers.

They all deserve to be happy, but for whatever FUCKING reason dean has the HARDEST TIME OF ANYONE being happy in this show. I know it’s his character. I know it was written that way. But FFS.  I kept wondering when they were going to wrap up his emotional arc and stop torturing the poor dude.

then in season 4 they introduced castiel and 1) I thought the new concept of angels as assholes was super cool and 2) I hardcore SIMPED over misha collins (still do). I watched benignly as cas and dean began to form this relationship that seemed pretty special. I started watching the show when it was in its eighth season and I binged the shit out of it for two weeks until I was caught up. By the time I was caught up I was CERTAIN there were some feelings between them and I LOVED it. I am bisexual and I was ECSTATIC for a potential queer relationship between two masculine-portrayed dudes. I went on tumblr to express my newfound theory, only to find out that this was a real THING. “Destiel” was already an idea that had absolutely and intensely BLOSSOMED in the fandom  for several seasons already. So many others saw what I saw and saw the potential of emotionally tortured/constipated “daddy’s blunt instrument” dean and the unfeeling daddy’s boy cas “crack in his chassis” Winchester being allowed to be happy together. I felt validated and hopeful. For a while.

Then it was season after season of hopefulness for them to be finally happy with each other while still fighting the ills of their world with sam and the other new members of their family that were added along the way, only to constantly have that hope seemingly teased away at the end every single time. By season 11 and the introduction of amara (not bashing, eventually loved her character and her development too) I gave up. I lost hope. I stopped watching the show. I didn’t want to keep watching my two favourite characters continuously abused by the story they were thrown into.

I know not everyone likes destiel, not everyone thought it was real. That’s chill, idc. Stories are so often meant to be (and sometimes inadvertently) left up to interpretation by the person experiencing and consuming them. It’s what’s so amazing about books and shows and movies that are able to make us feel so intensely about them and their characters. And I felt SO strongly about dean and cas. It was honestly really upsetting to me, the way the show was going with their relationship.

A while later season 13 had been going on and I started seeing some things pop up on my dash. Hopeful things. I did a bit of research and accidentally saw THE SCENE from season 12 and I couldn’t help myself. I restarted it. I watched the whole thing from the beginning again AND introduced it to my boyfriend I think partially as a way to ensure I wasn’t imagining shit (it took him awhile and a lot of me internally screaming during many scenes but by season 9 he was like “uh are they in gay love”). Fast forward to me finally catching up as season 14 was starting. I was still hopeful, somehow. And it happened AGAIN. Season 14 and the beginnings of 15 made me so sad. I HATED what they did with their relationship. I HATED the way it ended. I HATED the way dean treated cas and everyone around him. It felt like the show was taking his whole character arc back to day 1. I didn’t understand. I kept watching for a couple episodes after the big argument and cas left but the luster was gone and eventually I just stopped.

I love this show. It has meant so much to me as a story. So many of the characters are/were very dear to me. I know it’s a running joke with this show about character deaths and homophobia but the strength of the bond I felt was between cas and dean gave me a lot of hope. But it wasn’t enough. I felt betrayed one too many times. And for those of you who kept watching, for whatever reason, I don’t hold it against you. It’s still a beautiful and interesting story without cas and dean’s relationship. But I just personally couldn’t do it anymore.

I hadn’t planned on watching the rest of season 15 when it came back after pandemic hiatus, at least not for awhile. So imagine my FUCKING surprise when I was doom scrolling through twitter during election week on Thursday and I see supernatural trending right along with election shit.

What.

I couldn’t stop myself, I looked and literally SCREAMED and made my boyfriend spill his wine all over our couch. I didn’t know exactly what happened as I hadn’t seen the episode but APPARENTLY all my emotions and feelings had been at least partially vindicated. So I BOUGHT season 15 so I could finish watching where I had left off. I watched 8 episodes in less than 24hrs (don’t judge me there’s a quarantine) and I LIKED them. And it might’ve been bc I knew what was about to happen in 15 x18 but I really felt like the show was getting STRONGER as it neared its finish.

I was so excited for 15x19. I read so many posts from fellow fans, destiel and antis alike. There really weren’t a lot of bad emotions running around. Everyone seemed hopeful and excited like me.

I probably don’t need to go over 15x19 emotions but im going to anyway. I was disappointed. I was confused. I was angry. we are in season 15. The last season ever for this show that has had a HUGE following of fans who have loved it, sometimes unconditionally, sometimes even though it wasn’t the best (and sometimes less than good). A season and show that had just announced YES. CAS LOVES DEAN. ITS REAL. And I shouldn’t have to go over the nuances of why we would expect more after this, with two episodes to go before the show is done forever.

But I will bc im mad af.

Like I said in the beginning. Dean’s character arc has been incredible. His emotional growth – as subtle as it might’ve seemed – has been amazing. And dean has always been an emotional, loving person. he just felt like he wasn’t because the world made him feel that way. And that’s sad, y’all. Dean deserves to realize he DESERVES happiness. And in 15x18, we were finally heading basically directly there. With destiel, yes, but even if you’re anti, what cas said to dean about who he is and why he loves him obviously struck a fucking chord with dean. It obviously changed the way he viewed himself (RE: “that’s not who I am, that’s not who we are”).

But for WHATEVER reason that’s ALL we got in 15x19. One fucking SENTENCE about dean realizing maybe he’s not just built to kill people. And then jack leaves without a single mention of Eileen or cas or Charlie or literally anyone they ever cared about and dean rode off into the sunset alone with his brother while we watched a fucking FIVE MINUTE MONTAGE that made me want to hurl my own body into the sun they were driving toward. And cas is STILL DEAD.

BUT THERE’S STILL ONE EPISODE LEFT AND FUCK ME IF I HAVENT BEEN PAINTING ON MY CLOWN MAKEUP ALL WEEK. SO WHAT DO I WANT????

ONE: DEAN DESERVES HAPPINESS. REAL HAPPINESS. What the FUCK supernatural??? Wasn’t this the whole point of his arc??? And don’t get me wrong I REALLY want that happiness to come from Cas and a real spoken relationship of some sort between them bc it also ties in with my second point but tbh just PLEASE let dean be happy. Dean is a loving person and does everything for love as we JUST FOUND OUT. Dean would NOT be happy with everyone he’s ever loved gone for the rest of his life. I just don’t believe that’s fucking true. h elp him pls.

TWO: CAS DESERVES HAPPINESS. I know we got this whole speech about “happiness isn’t in the having it’s simply in being”  but like. Really. Castiel was supposed to be a throwaway character no one was supposed to care about. But we all cared SO MUCH that he lasted 11 SEASONS longer than intended and became a main character and an integral part of the story. Cas has arguably sacrificed more than anyone on this show. His last act was to sacrifice his life to save the man he loved. He knew where he was going. He knew he was finally going to be able to tell dean he loved him and then immediately be taken by the empty where we know now thanks to season 15 that everyone in there just gets to dream forever about their regrets and sadness. HOW IS THAT FAIR. HOW IS THAT A GOOD ENDING FOR CAS. HOW DO YOU EXPECT ANYONE – CHARACTERS AND FANS ALIKE –TO BE HAPPY ABOUT THAT. Its messed up, supernatural. Y’all KNOW it is and I hope to HIGH HEAVENS this is going to be corrected in 15x20.

THREE: give sam Eileen back. 

Well that’s all I’ve got in me, folks. I’m absolutely and intensely dreading Thursday. Im scared and nervous and obviously still angry that this is absolutely going to be the opposite of what they promised – another “game of thrones” ending. Some of y’all are giving me hope with your posts about maybe they’re trying to keep the ending a surprise and maybe cas is coming back and how can they not and why else would they have done the second to last episode like that and I hope yall are right.

Either way, im glad I am not alone with my feelings. Thanks yall for the experience of this fandom and show. Let’s stick together on Thursday, no matter our differences.

 PS stop calling jensen ackles a homophobe or ill hex you. 

[innermoonlight-bhe]

Me, again, on Destiel. Please read.

I’ve been having problems all this month. And while I was self-exploring the reasons of my uneasiness, I tracked it back to 15x18. When I first watched the episode I had lots of unresolved feelings. I felt happy and at the same time really distressed. After waiting for two week for the end of Supernatural I thought those feelings would disappear but they just kept on getting stronger. I began feeling stressed and, this last two weeks, feelings just empty. I had no desire to do anythings, like I was lost. Yesterday I realized why and got me sad and mad at the same time. I don’t want to take a lot of time writing this but there are too many emotions and rational thoughts that don’t let me sleep at night. 

This is why I want to divide this text into two parts:The first one being the queerbating debate on internet. This includes the normalization of heterosexual relationships, audiences, plots and writing, marketing and advertising, and other things that have to do with t.v. industry. In specific, the rare case of CW and its treatment of the whole Supernatural family. In the second part I would like to focus on my personal experience, which I’m sure is same to most people who were left all alone in this Destiel world of disappointment. This last one you can decide to ignore or share with me. The one that i’m most interested is that you read the first part, even though it can seem a little out of context, since I’ll be referring to another tv shows of the CW.

 FIRST PART THEN OF THE DESTIEL OPINION:When I was left so sad after the queerbaiting I began watching a famous soup opera aka telenovela, called Yo soy Betty, la fea. It’s famous worldwide and I felt it like a comfort home after all the Destiel drama. It made me happy because the story plot is only one: the heterosexual couple that falls in love. Of course I’m reducing this too much, but the point is that yesterday, after I finished watching it, I realized that even though the main couple had problems at the end the audience knew they would’ve ended together. It did happen, in the anti-last episode, same as in supernatural and the Cas confession. The two further episodes centered on the happy conclusion on the story. There are clear points to establish:

Point 1:  Supernatural was born as a serious mainly centered on two heterosexual man traveling all along a country hunting monsters while looking for a father. Meanwhile a classic telenovela centers on a love couple who fight against everythings to be together; in this case it’s establish since the beginning and no one will except anything else. 

Point 2: Meanwhile telenovela’s audiences are destined to be woman, wanting to follow the classic love story; Supernatural was being male focused actually did excepted woman but also men watchers. Supernatural had a largest specter of viewers.

Point 3: Telenovelas are not willing to change the story for the audiences desires. They work with practical and classic formulas that rarely will fail. There’s no necessity to receive a feedback to complete. Supernatural and tv series, on the other hand, actually need the feedback from the viewers because on it depends their permanency on the screen. 

Supernatural needed to keep their viewers high so the show could continue. I’m gonna leave the classic telenovela out for a moment. It’s important settling this differences to approximate myself to the basic point of my madness: how unethical is the queerbaiting.The public opinion changes, and The CW having clear this is very know to keep in touch with fans wishes and needs. In the case of Jane the Virgin, a barely combination of the telenovela classic plot but in a tv series way, had a big “change” with one of their main characters: Petra. Her connection with the main character, Jane, was noted and wanted by many of the viewers. But the show’s creator knew that main plot (point 1)was a girl who accidentally gets pregnant and eventually falls in love with the love of her life, Rafael. So the show writers wouldn’t just change this main plot in order to make a couple happen, so instead they gave the public what they wanted by making Petra bisexual and introducing a perfect girl for her, also called Jane, to deliver the wish of fans. This relationship worked purely and on its on. The reactions with Petra bisexuality were low, and they took care of it as if it was something normal and not anything that needed satanizing. No one could be expected to freak, not even Petra’s twins. Even though the first seasons Petra only had male relationships. This is a good thing that The CW did, but they didn’t do this out of the goodness of their heart: they did it for views and for the audience (point 2). Jane the virgin was also planned to have female audiences and to treat serious social issues respecting sexuality and love. This is why it didn’t came as a surprise. 

Then why did Destiel couldn’t happen? Because the CV is homophobic? Probably there’s some of this in it, but the reality it’s they weren’t giving up on the part of the audience that is actually homophobic, or that at least won’t feel comfortable watching a heterosexual character discover himself as bi. The thing of the audiences is important because the “ambiguity” in which Cas’ confession was treated worked perfectly for them: it gave exactly the sufficient enough to keep us happy, meaning while keeping the perfect amount of “friendship”. So anyone can take whatever they want for the story. By this part I understand why they wanted to deal with this confession in an ambiguous way: to please everybody. But why did they wanted to please everybody? It wasn’t out of kindness of their heart, it was for views.The whole queerbaiting debate has being on the tables for a long time but we also ignore the unethical implications on it. It has been used by many contemporary media, to hint at something that the producers are not expecting to happen any time. And even though, they keep on teasing us. This is highly unethical because the reason behind them is the accumulation of money. Supernatural survived because of Destiel. I resisted myself to say this because I had respect for the series until I stopped watching around season 10. The story and plots were doom, repetitive and boring at times. We keep watching for the emotions caused by the supernatural family. Not only Destiel but Sam and all of the characters. The original plot explained in the point 1 was lost and blurred, we were far away from that premise and that was why the finale episode feel just bad. 

The show had chances to grow without losing the origina plot but also confronting change and accept that sometimes, things must pass and you have to move. Destiel was an important support of the show, the views and year after year renovation of the series. Pointing at the queerbaiting has lost its meaning if we forgot why they do it, why they keep on doing this even though it makes us feel bad. This affects the shows work in perspective because it changes the plot and natural progression of the story. For the queerbaiting, they have scenes that are forgotten next episodes like they never happened. I’m a literature student and the first thing they say to us is that a scene, even a word, should be taken so seriously that it actually work on the long road of the story. In Destiel we have beautiful, all heart breaking scenes of Cas and Dean being romantic, closed, just in love. The Dean’s confession were he admitted to the priest he wanted to experience new things, the Castiel’s love confession, and others are an example of how this scenes have a space in the show but are still isolated from the original story. They don’t play a part in the bigger image. That’s why we don’t see Dean talk to Sam about Cas, this is why they are so many Destiel plots left unsolved. I have a small memory of an old lady assuring Dean that he’s in love, even though we haven’t seen in a long time a female in Dean’s life (Dean, who the first four seasons flirted with e v e r y woman he met.  Because producers and writers can let this scenes happen as long as it doesn’t change the main characters. Even, they are willing to let us think that Cas could be bi but Dean isn’t, by not having him say anything after Cas says I love you. And to be honest, we didn’t except much. 

We knew that we were clowning and it’s not like we excepted a love making scene from those two. We raised our expectations after 15x18 and not after. A lot of us were waiting on the finale to bring joy even though we never actually imagined it would go canon. 15x18 lifted expectations very few had and that lots, myself for instance, returned to watch after hearing Destiel was semi-canon. It brought back feelings, I got to rewatch supernatural to enter the atmosphere once again... So it was perfect for the CW. On one hand, the biggest queerbaiting on history gave them back for 15x19 and 15x20 all the fandom they had lost for the previous queerbaiting and tiredness of waiting. And also, they keep the antis and the homophobe watching. It was perfectly staged and nothing else was expecting. Something similar happen with Jane the virgin. With the death of Michael (I rather shipped more Jane with Michael) a lot of fans stopped watching. This was planned since the beginning and they actually gave us a fake death and then the real one. I actually stopped watching one season of Jane the virgin after his death because I was devastated, even though since the beginning everything pointed at Jane ending up with Rafael. Her connection with Michael was lovely and pure love. But after killing him off they wrote the relationship of Jafael so perfectly, not rushed or anything: it developed in a way that her relationship with Michael was intact but finished by death. It was a hard punch but at the end we ended up to accept her relationship with Rafael because of the clear progression between the characters. But, at the end of the series, at the last season they decided it was good idea to bring Michael back from the death and have her chose Rafael, after all of the progress It took for her to forget Michael. The changed her and all of the perspective of love changed for the show. It made thing that soul mates don’t exist, that all the love Jane felt for Michael disappear after having a whole season of her suffering for her lost, after she wrote her first book for him. It would’ve been so much better for the story if Michael stayed death. 

So the things is it’s not only queerbaiting on homosexual couples, but the whole idea that they need to have a huge audiences watching their last seasons. I returned to watch Jane the virgin excepting for Michael. This awful thing they do. Just for views and gain of capital bothers me and its what makes me angry. In the case of Supernatural it’s also a topic of homophobia and the fear that the homophobia of a few will ruin the views of series finales. An as I considere the unethical implications is why I would love to have them apologize to us. It’s like a person promising the stars and stopping you to move on, while they know nothing will happen. They use us as numbers to gain money and attention. The decision that I and a lot of people took to unfollow all of The CW accounts is no radical. It’s a little if we take into account all of the money they made from the unethical queerbaiting. It causes me a lot of anger and actually feel like a I need an apology because I felt used and dirty. This is the fault of the industry and the CW has a fame of doing so.

 PART 2: 

This will be little in comparison. Now I want to get to the sad sentimental part. I felt all empty because four years ago that I stopped watching I also stopped talking to the love of my life. Hearing about Destiel had me going back to moments. I even desired to talk to him again to tell him that I wasn’t all wrong. Destiel wasn’t platonic or an illusion. it has clearly staged to makes us think it could happen. It’s not the story of an angel who falls for a human, that gives everything up for him, that loves him. After his confession is the story of unrequited love. Dean never says it back and it’s a feeling that a lot of people have suffered. To love someone and not having them saying them back, of the relationship that never ends but at the end it’s one of the most important. This one I talked about I never dated, I never kissed, but he’s the man i’ve loved the most in my life. Having Castiel saying I love you and never receiving anything back, giving his life and no one saving him, it’s just heartbreaking for all of us who have constantly giving everything without expecting anything in return. At the same time it’s the story of a a couple that never happens but that should have. The same reflexion as always: if it were heterosexual it would’ve happen long time ago. But it also happens in real life, that if time alined, if things were in other way relationships would’ve happen with people in our lives.I had a lot of more feelings for Destiel, but that would be for another time. Right now I just realized why made me, personally, feed angry and sad. I realized I was a Cas to someone else. I realized I was used by a network. The queerbaiting actually has psychology repercussion on us, and it’s something they fail to understand. Accepting that I was affected by a tv show took me a hard time. I didn’t know how to explain to others why this had me absence for week, I thought I was ridiculous and week. I felt bad but know I realized I’m not wrong. It’s not my fault but it’s years of messing with out feelings on purpose. Some day i’ll write an essay on this. I have to much to say but I end it with this:

The media manipulates our emotions and doesn’t take any responsibility whatsoever. 

Don’t trust the media.

(Sorry for the bad english, I’m mexican. But at least Destiel is canon in my language). 

[nuttyrabbit]

Mach the Mantis Shrimp

Finally, after a year and some change of creating this character, developing him, and promising that “SOON I’ll HAVE A BIO I SWEAR”, I finally finished this motherfucker’s bio.

This is probably one of, if not the most developed character I have next to Gambit and Frost, and I can only hope that the bio reflects that. Thanks as always to @pidgeonspen​ for doing the ref sheet, helping me edit this bio, and just being a great friend in general. But enough chit-chat, the entire thing’s under the readmore

Name: Shin Shika, but changed to Mach in his late teens

Age:  20

Occupation: Bodyguard to Emperor Frost of Osakiru; head of Frost's secret police (known as the Zettoryokai), and one of four members of the Black Lotus (Frost's inner circle)

Location: Tokeydo, Osakiru

Sexuality: Bisexual (Deeply in denial about this however. Mach asserts that he's straight)

Personality: Boisterous, snarky, feisty, volatile, eager to impress -- these are all things you wouldn't expect from one in  Frost's inner circle, yet they're the perfect words to describe Mach.  A highly spirited individual, Mach is always raring to go, eager for something to do or somewhere to go; he can barely stand to sit still, even if for just a moment.

This eagerness and restlessness carries over to his constant desire to impress others and be the center of attention.  More often than not Mach puts on a veneer of confidence and toughness to convince those around him that he's "cool" and "manly", and this is reflected in just about everything he does, from the clothes he wears to the way he talks to his general "devil may care" and "I'm too cool for you"  attitudes.  Unfortunately, this attitude can be rather offputting to those around him and has frequently put him at odds with one of the other members of the Black Lotus and occasionally even with Frost himself.

It should be noted, however, that beneath this attitude and seemingly carefree persona lies many deep-rooted insecurities; Mach is uncertain who he is and what he wants out of life, doing whatever possible to distance himself from his former social status and the expectations he had lived under as "Shin".  This insecurity manifests itself as a desire to impress those around him - especially Frost - through whatever means possible. It also manifests itself as constant need to deny certain aspects of himself including his sexuality and even his belief in Frost's cause (Mach vehemently believes that Frost's cause is just and that Frost has made him "better")

It also manifests itself through what is perhaps Mach's most defining trait -- his anger.  Mach's temper is as short as it is volatile, exploding at the slightest of provocations and often accompanied by bursts of yelling and physical violence. In most cases, during bouts of extreme anger, he will relegate himself to the palace's dedicated training room, but when that is not available, he will takes his temper out on whatever's close by, whether it be a inanimate object, another person, or some instances, even himself.  Regardless, it is not uncommon to see broken glass, punctured walls, and bleeding knuckles in the wake of one of his  fits.

Partially as a result of his anger, Mach has grown to love violence, and revels in partaking in it, especially when it comes to his work. This is something he's not shy about admitting to, and will sometimes even boast about specific acts of violence he has committed, whether it be on the job or off it.  It should be noted however, that Mach doesn't like to kill, and in fact killing or seeing someone be killed greatly discomforts him.

However, beneath his snark, his eagerness to impress, and even his anger, lies a surprisingly genuine kindness. Those lucky few who manage to worm their way into Mach's life will find that the shrimp is surprisingly kind and even understanding beneath that thuggish persona, and when push comes to shove, Mach will prove that he cares, even if he attempts to say or prove otherwise.  In addition, Mach is very much a bleeding heart, and if he were to ever become romantically involved with someone, he would make very little attempt as to hide that fact, showering them in physical affection and engaging in all sorts of PDA.

The best way to describe Mach is "unsubtle"- His affections, his anger, his snarm, even his insecurities are laid bare for all around him to see, even if he thinks otherwise.

Skills: At their base Mach's powers are based around his eyes. Mach's eyes, when activated (as signified by his eyes taking on a rainbow glow), can see the "weaknesses" in people and objects, as well as let him see in the dark almost as well as he would in the daytime.  However, he can only keep this going for so long, and if he does it for too long, he gets terrible migranes and nausea.

 With time, training, and focus under Frost's guidance, Mach's powers have improved, letting him not only use them for longer periods, but also granting him new abilities as well.  These new abilities include being able to see through illusions and in some cases, through objects and obstructions.  However, to use these new abilities, he has to maintain intense concentration, and he can do this for far less time than he can his normal abilities. However, perhaps with even more intense training and consistent effort, Mach could learn to use these powers just as comfortably as his normal ones, and perhaps take them even further.

Mach is also adept at hand-to-hand combat, and his preferred style is similar to that of boxing, specifically of the "inboxing" style, relying on quick, concentrated punches to specific points on his opponent and generally overwhelming them with offense.  However, he can also (and sometimes does in the heat of anger) switch to a "slugger" style focused on just hitting them really, really hard with body blows and strikes to the head.  In addition, Mach tends to combine this style with something akin to "dirty" fighting, often mixing in headbutts, sucker punches, elbows, and other dirty tricks to get the upper hand on his opponents

In terms of non-combat skills, Mach is rather skilled in the art of interrogation--or at least insofar as using physical violence to get information of those that the Zettoryokai are sent to capture.

Hobbies:  Mach has a surprisingly limited amount of hobbies, owing both to how much he has to work, and to his need to "look cool" to others. One of these hobbies is that of video games. Mach tends to gravitate towards whatever's popular....in the West, mainly shooters and generally popular multiplayer games.  He has a fierce competitive streak and absolutely HATEs losing in these kinds of games (as the sheer amount of damaged/broken controllers and holes in his walls will attest) and is an incredibly cocky winner.   He's also a complete demon at rhythm games like Guitar Hero and especially DDR, but his need to "be cool" has resulted in him not really pursuing those...that and his tendency to break things makes those really expensive

Mach's other major hobby is exercise, and it's perhaps his favorite thing to do.  Whether it be training in the palace's dojo, doing routines in the comfort of his own home, or even getting a few reps in while waiting for something else, Mach loves to exercise. He has a huge bias towards core routines and running, but will occasionally indulge himself in weights and leg training.   He'll even try to get the other members of the Zettoryokai to spot him during his routines (they never do).

When he was younger, Mach also enjoyed indulging in more...deliquent activity: tagging walls and cars, breaking windows, the kinds of things misbegotten youth do, but owing to his position, he can't engage in those anymore...and some days he wishes he could.

Likes: Frost, working out, video games, junk food, sushi, ramen, Takeda and Penumbra (two other members of the Black Lotus who are the closest thing he has to friends), traveling (Mach doesn't realize it but he would LOVE to travel the country--and even Mobius), getting into fights.

Dislikes: "Fake" people,  his family (or at least the memory of them),  anyone who opposes Frost, killing, the idea of appearing "unmanly" or "uncool", coffee, a certain *other* member of the Zettoryokai.

Backstory:  Born Shin Shika, he was the 2nd child of the affluential Shika family. With his father being an influential business tycoon and his mother a politician, it seemed as though Shin would lead a childhood free of want, but this was sadly not the case. The golden child of the family was not the young Shin, but rather his older brother, Kyo.

It was Kyo who was constantly showered in love, attention and gifts; Kyo who was readily adored and surrounded by family and friends; Kyo whose skills and promise earned him accolades and admirers, casting an ever-growing shadow over his little brother and leaving him in the proverbial dust. As a result, for most of his childhood, Shin grew up essentially alone, perpetually unable to get his brother's or parent's attention, the few friends he made turning out to be solely after his money--or his brother's attention.  To make matters worse, his parents constantly compared him to his brother, asking the young shrimp to be "just as good" as him. And when they weren't asking him to be like his brother, they were forcing him to conform to their minimalist, "fake" way of life, all for the sake of maintaining their image.

And that was how it was for most of his youth: constantly living in the shadow of his older brother, never wanting for material goods but always wanting for one thing: attention.  But things changed--or at least seemed to, once the shrimp went to high school.  There, he came across something that would change his life forever: a band of deliquents that had gained a rather notorious reputation amongst the students and staff for being "tough", for being "cool", and most of all, for being "BAD".

Upon having a run-in with their leader, the young shrimp's life was changed forever. Looking at the leader of their pack, the shrimp saw in it everything he could have ever wanted: attention, to be "cool" like his brother was, if not cooler, and a way to spit in the face of his parents who had given him not an iota of love.  And so he did everything he could to get into this gang and soon enough, Shin found himself amongst what seemed to be the first real friends he ever had.

From then on, the shrimp finally began to enjoy his life. Engaging in shallow flings, tagging walls, smoking, getting into fights, stealing, you name it, Shin was in on it  with his new "friends".  He even managed to snag a red hoodie from a store that he'd been eyeing for months, the first piece of clothing he'd gotten that wasn't just a hand-me-down from his brother or bought for him by his parents. It was his, and in a way, so was this life.   He had finally gotten to live, and with it, had gotten the companionship, attention, and "coolness" that he had been craving all his life. It didn't matter that his parents disapproved, the most he got was a stern talking to every once in a while and a shake of the head as they immediately went back to fawning over Kyo. Even him dropping out of school earned him little more than a night of back and forth yelling.

It was all good for the up and coming punk until one fateful night: During his time in this gang, Shin had made himself a few enemies, and they saw it fit to jump him while he was with his "crew".  In an instant, Shin's so-called friends, his "crew", his companions--were running away instead of backing him up. They had been "fake" this entire time, like everyone else.   The shrimp's back was against the wall, and he was forced to take drastic measures to get out--and he did.  What was supposed to be a chance encounter turned into a tragedy as the shrimp's efforts earned  himself a victory--and the hospitalization of those involved--including the children of some very powerful people.

It finally got the shrimp's parents to pay attention--but rather than caring about his injuries or the fact he almost lost his life, they were furious with him. He had put their IMAGE on the line, he stood to ruin their reputation, his brother's reputation, and everything they were trying to do! The shrimp had clearly gone out of line in their eyes and was grounded--permanently.   Not only that, but he would be forced to attend every single social event they hosted, in the hopes of turning him into a "proper" member of society like his dear brother.

Needless to say, the shrimp HATED it. But with time, the shrimp came upon a realization. He didn't just hate his parents, or his brother, or the people that had abandoned him. No, he hated this "fake" society as a whole! Full of "fake" people with "fake" smiles putting on "fake" acts and "fake" faces just to get some more money in their pockets and to be liked by everyone. For all he knew or cared, the whole damn country was "fake", and his parents, and his brother, and every single rich conceited fucking asshole he was introduced to were part of the problem. The longer this went on, the more he wished, he *craved* for a way out, to  get back to how things were, to put these rich fucking assholes in their place.

That way out would soon make itself apparent, however, as when Shin began to actually listen to what these assholes were talking about, one name came up again and again: Frost.   They constantly spoke about him, about how he had consolidated several of the powerful Yakuza syndicates into one, how he seemed to be "conquering" the country, and even of the rumors that he wanted to become emperor of Osakiru.  The more they spoke of him, the more they spoke of his supposed plans, of his cold personality, of his desire to change things, the more the shrimp was fascinated.   This "Frost", whoever it was, intrigued him.

Once he heard whisperings of the emperor making his way to shortly outside of Tokeydo, Mach hatched a plan: he'd find this "Frost" and convince him to let him join up. It'd be just like the old days, but this time he'd take this rotten fucking country and these rotten people and burn it to the ground and show them all.

Someway, somehow, the pugilist managed to jack a motorcycle and zipped out beyond Tokeydo to find this "Frost". It took a great deal of effort and some close calls, but eventually, he found the man, or well, leopard he was looking for.  Upon asking him, however, the leopard asked the shrimp to "prove" himself in combat to test his strength. Thinking himself a professional at this point, the shrimp agreed....and was promptly made a fool of by the older, more experienced yakuza and kicked out. To make matters worse, upon leaving, he was greeted by police, who had followed the trail of the motorcycle, which had been reported stolen, and promptly arrested Shin.

His parents soon arrived, bribing the police to let him go, but doing so solely to preserve their image.  Made furious by the shrimp's escape and his constant defiance, they decided the only course of action was to quite literally lock him in his room until he could "prove" that he was better, conveniently keeping him out of sight--and of mind.

Reduced to little more than a prisoner in his own home, humiliated by the man he wished to join, something within the young shrimp broke. But instead of giving up, of throwing a fit and accepting things as they were, something else happened.  Shin found himself inspired.  He felt that deep down in his heart, he wanted--no, needed to join Frost. He needed to become a part of what he was doing, and he  needed to take these rich, fake assholes and bring them down a peg and get rid of all the "fake" shit in this country.

But most of all, he needed to become stronger to prove himself to Frost. And he had all the time in the world--and the tools to do it.  Turning his prison of a room into a makeshift dojo, the shrimp trained furiously for the next 6 months, getting into hardcore physical routines, teaching himself to box solely through the internet and movies (they weren't perfect mind you), and building up his strength in general. By the end of it all, the shrimp looked--and felt like an entirely new person.  Not only that, he saw the world around him in a new light--quite literally.  During his training, he had awoken to his Aberration- a supernatural ability, and this one allowed him to see the "weakness" in all things.

The shrimp was different, that's for sure, stronger definitely, but the question remained: was he ready?   Figuring there was only one way to find out, the shrimp once again broke out of his home and went to find the leopard. Luckily for him, the leopard had finally made his way to Tokeydo. Soon, the shrimp appeared before him once more and this time, challenged him

Shin fought ferociously, harder than he had ever fought before, pushing himself to his breaking point, but it still wasn't enough. At the end, Frost still stood victorious, and Shin was on the ground, on his back, defeated once more.  Pushing himself up to his knees, the shrimp felt himself break inside.  Why, why wasn't it enough?!? Why couldn't he do it?!? Why was he such a failure? Before he could stop himself, he brust out in tears of pure, unfettered rage, screaming about the unfairness of it all, of how he wanted so badly to join Frost, how he wanted to stick it to the "fake" assholes running this country, how he wanted to burn, burn, BURN this "fake" fucking country down to the ground and how he felt Frost was the only "real" one, the only one who could give him what he needed.

Eventually, the shouts and the tears devolved into unintelligble sobbing and screaming, and Shin closed his eyes in a vain attempt to rein them back in. But when he opened his eyes again, he saw something unusual--Frost was standing over him, offering him a hand up with a look not of disappointment or anger or mockery like he was used to from others, but of understanding.  

Helping Shin to his feet, Frost told him he saw something within the young shrimp; something that would be vital towards his goal of bringing Osakiru into an age of prosperity, of making things right again -- and that he empathized with Shin more than the young shrimp could imagine. To Shin's amazement and excitement, Frost took him in and made him not just a part of his cause, but an enforcer; Shin became the leopards personal bodyguard, and his right hand man.

Serving under Frost, Shin had finally gotten what he wanted: he was part of something he felt was "real", and playing a part in making actual, tangible changes in Osakiru. To burn down the "fake" system and with it, the "fake" people who kept it running, and replace it with something "real" -- Frost's vision. But above all else, serving the leopard brought Shin the attention, validation, understanding and compassion he had fruitlessly, desperately sought throughout his life; in their short time together, Frost was already more of a father to him than his birth family had ever been.

Eventually, Frost made his final push on Tokeydo, intending to burn it all down and build his ideal country on its ashes--with Shin in tow.  As the rich estates of the country's elite began to burn, Shin found himself back at his "home"--and face to face with his parents once more.  Instead of expressing worry about where he'd been or happiness at seeing him again, they once again treated him with that same anger, that same disappointment, that same attitude of him not being "good enough" they always had, talking about how everything had been ruined and it was his fault.

Caught up in the zeitgeist of the push, and enflamed by his parents' refusal to see him as anything more than a worse version of his brother, Shin flew into a rage, beating both of his parents to death with nothing but his bare hands, leaving their bodies in the flames and watching as his childhood home, the prison he grew up in, went up in smoke, leaving nothing but ashes behind.   He soon realized that he had not seen his brother, but truth be told, he could care less.  His family was dead, his house was gone, his past life, his "fake" life was dead. All that was left now was him--and Frost.

But it was not enough. Shin wanted his old life, his old self gone completely, and decided to change his name. No longer would he be Shin...but Mach, named for the apparent speed of his punches.

Soon after, Frost ascended to the throne of Tokeydo, turning from the country's most powerful yakuza to its sole ruler, and he did so with Mach at his side.

Upon his ascension, Frost saw to it that Mach's roles be expanded. No longer would he just be the emperor's bodyguard, but he would also become part of the Black Lotus-a group consisting of the emperor's four most trusted--and most dangerous individuals who answered to Frost directly. Yet it did not stop there, as Frost soon put Mach in charge of his newly formed secret police--known as the Zettoryokai, and with it, become Frost's foremost enforcer of his vision, getting rid of those deemed threats to the greater good of Osakiru.

And that is where Mach remains.  The shrimp continues to occupy his position as Frost's bodyguard, his confidant, and the foremost enforcer of his will, and he relishes in it.  He finally believes that he is doing something good, something "real", that he's getting rid of the "rot" that had infected Osakiru all those years, and that he's getting the attention and respect that he had deserved all this time.

Little does he know, however, of the ramifications of his actions--or of Frost's true plans for the shrimp, plans that extend even beyond the emperor's demise.

[susiephone]

my big gay folklore narrative

This is my best construction of the folklore narrative, specifically the Teenage Love Triangle. While some of these connections are obvious, some are just me going full Pepe Silvia and interpreting the characters in ways you may disagree with. And, again, this is super-duper gay. (Yes, James is female in my mind. I know a lot of people point out it can be a girl’s name -- which it can, so valid -- but I personally like to imagine she’s one of like 20 Jessicas or Ashleys at their school and goes by her last name. Either way, it works.)

Our story is set in a small town in Pennsylvania in the late 90s/early 2000s, and it concerns four girls: James, Betty, Inez, and August. I will do this story roughly chronological order, but due to the nature of the album there will be some jumping.

seven

When Betty is young, things at home aren’t easy. Her father is abusive and she doesn’t feel safe there, but she does have solace in a childhood friend of hers. Her friend does her best to protect her (“I think you should come live with me, and we can be pirates, and you won’t have to cry, or hide in the closet”), and they love each other very much.

Sadly, her friend moves out of Pennsylvania with her family when they’re young, and because this is pre-internet, they lose track of each other, and years later, Betty’s friend only half-remembers her -- but she still holds a fond place in her heart. (“And even though I can’t recall your face, I still got love for you.”)

cardigan / exile / august / betty

I’m lumping these four together because I think they all happen in the same year or so, constantly overlapping each other.

Flash forward to high school. By now, Betty’s father has left her and her mother, which is for the best, but the whole ordeal was pretty traumatic. (“I knew you, leaving like a father, running like water.”) She’s bisexual but closeted, and James is one of her classmates. James is a rebellious tomboy and it’s basically an open secret among the adults (and most of their classmates) that she’s probably a lesbian, but she’s still closeted. (“I’m only seventeen, I don’t know anything.”)

The two girls become close friends, and eventually begin kissing and holding hands in private, but both are too scared to go further, or to come out and say that they really care for each other. Betty tries to broach the topic multiple times, but James brushes her off.

Finally, Betty plucks up the courage to suggest she and James go to the spring dance together, as a couple, and let the chips fall where the may.

James, in true disaster lesbian fashion, freaks the fuck out and says “no,” even claiming it was only a fling to her. Which is total crap, and deep down they both know it, but Betty’s really hurt. The night of the dance, James has a change of heart, realizes she needs to take a stand and show Betty how much she loves her (“Tried to change the ending, Peter losing Wendy”), so gets all dolled up and she goes to the dance... and sees Betty dancing with a guy. (“I can see you starin', honey, like he's just your understudy. Like you'd get your knuckles bloody for me. Second, third, and hundredth chances, balancin' on breaking branches. Those eyes add insult to injury.” / “I hate the crowds, you know that. Plus, I saw you dance with him.”)

Hurt and angry, James leaves. Betty follows, and they have a massive fight; James accuses Betty of using her, while Betty calls her a coward. (“You never gave me a sign.” “I gave so many signs!”) They call things off and it’s miserable.

While James is walking home from the dance, August, a classmate of theirs who’s out and proud, offers her a ride home. (“High heels on cobblestones” / “I was walking home on broken cobblestones, just thinking of you when she pulled up like a figment of my worst intentions. She said "James, get in, let's drive.”) Soon, this turns into a fling. Being with August is a nice distraction, and helps James fully come to terms with the fact that she’s gay, but she desperately misses Betty. However, when Inez finds out August and James are a thing, she mentions it to Betty, who responds by avoiding James altogether.

Unbeknownst to James, August is really falling for her. August, meanwhile, is aware that she’s a runner-up to who James really wants, but she hopes that eventually James will see her the same way she sees her. (“For me, it was enough to live for the hope of it all. Canceled plans just in case you'd call and say, ‘Meet me behind the mall.’ So much for summer love and saying ‘us,’ ‘cause you weren't mine to lose.”)

But summer ends, and James breaks things off with August, determined to get Betty back. She works up the courage to go to Betty’s party, ask forgiveness, and rekindle their relationship; for real this time. (“Will you have me? Will you love me? Will you kiss me on the porch in front of all your stupid friends? If you kiss me, will it be just like I dreamed it? Will it patch your broken wings? I'm only seventeen, I don't know anything, but I know I miss you. Standing in your cardigan, kissing in my car again. Stopped at a streetlight, you know I missed you.”)

mirrorball

I like to imagine “mirrorball” is told from the perspective of Inez, the school gossip. James claims “you can’t believe a word she says most times,” which I take to mean that she has a bit of rep, and is known to exaggerate. I think Inez is one of those girls who became the girl who’s up in everyone’s business because she wants people to like and pay attention to her, but doesn’t think she’s impressive enough on her own. (“I can change everything about me to fit in.”) And, to an extent, it works. When something happens, people look to her to get the dirt. Whether the story she circulates is true is an entirely different matter. (“I can show you every version of yourself tonight.”)

The result is, well into adulthood, Inez has a reputation for being a “people person,” but deep down, she feels like she’s faking it. (“I’ve never been a natural; all I do is try, try, try.”)

the 1

This song is from August’s perspective years later, when she’s all grown up and looking back at her fling with James. She’s doing good these days, dating people and living her life, but she does think back on what could’ve been. She’s not bitter, but she does wonder how life might’ve turned out if James picked her instead of Betty. (“It would’ve been fun if you would’ve been the one...”)

hoax / peace

These two also take place at roughly the same time, as Betty and James finish high school as a couple and finally truly grow up. (“Our coming-of-age has come and gone. Suddenly this summer, it's clear, I never had the courage of my convictions as long as danger is near.”)

Between the reactions of people around them, both of their insecurities, Betty’s history of people hurting her, and James’ impulsiveness, things aren’t easy. (“I could never give you peace.” / “Stood at the cliffside, screaming, ‘Give me a reason.’”) However, neither are willing to call it quits. (“Don’t want no other shade of blue but you.”)

So, things aren’t all rosy right away. But they resolve to make it work. (“All these people think love’s for show, but I would die for you in secret.”) It takes a long time, but I like to think that eventually, they do.

invisible string

This could be seen as being from either Betty or James’ perspective, years later - once they’ve both fully grown up and their relationship has matured. It talks about how past bad relationships led them to each other. As we’ve seen, both were with people who weren’t right for them - but it all eventually led to them being able to be together. (“Were there clues I didn't see? And isn't it just so pretty to think, all along there was some invisible string tying you to me?”)

the last great american dynasty

This is totally irrelevant to the love triangle, but how fun is it to imagine this song as one of Inez’s many wild stories? As an adult, she’s making bank, and still drawing controversy everywhere--and loving it. (“I had a marvelous time ruining everything.”)

[rosethornewrites]

Fic: The Rebellion of Adrien Agreste, ch. 3

Relationships: Adrien Agreste | Chat Noir & Gabriel Agreste | Papillon | Hawk Moth, Juleka Couffaine/Rose Lavillant, Adrien Agreste | Chat Noir/Luka Couffaine, Marinette Dupain-Cheng | Ladybug & Kagami Tsurugi, Adrien Agreste | Chat Noir & Luka Couffaine, Lila Rossi/karma, Gabriel Agreste | Papillon | Hawk Moth/aneurism, Marinette Dupain-Cheng | Ladybug/Kagami Tsurugi, Plagg & Tikki

Characters: Adrien Agreste | Chat Noir, Gabriel Agreste | Papillon | Hawk Moth, Lila Rossi, Jagged Stone, Plagg, Marinette Dupain-Cheng | Ladybug, Luka Couffaine, Penny Rolling, Anarka Couffaine, Rose Lavillant, Juleka Couffaine, Kagami Tsurugi, Alya Césaire, Chloé Bourgeois, Wayhem, Nadja Chamack, Nathalie Sancoeur, Sabine Cheng, Tom Dupain, Tikki, Fang, Principal Damocles, Caline Bustier, Ms. Mendeleiev, original minor character, Alec Cataldi, Lila Rossi's Mother, Sabrina Raincomprix, Roger Raincomprix, Mylène Haprèle, Le Gorille | Adrien Agreste's Bodyguard, Nino Lahiffe, Nooroo

Tags: Lila Rossi salt, Fake/Pretend Relationship, Teenage Rebellion, Swearing, Bad Parent Gabriel Agreste, Crack Treated Seriously, Lila Rossi's Lies Are Exposed, Cuddling & Snuggling, Luka Couffaine Needs a Hug, Paparazzi, Parentification, Marinette Dupain-Cheng Needs a Hug, Gabriel Agreste Needs an Aneurism, Uncle Jagged Stone, we're all queer here, the spirit of punk is sometimes just being allowed to be yourself, Kagami Finds Her Groove, punk rock fashion, Savage Kagami, Marinette protection squad, Good Parent Sabine Cheng, Good Parent Tom Dupain, Protective Kagami Tsurugi, Protective Luka Couffaine, Bisexual Marinette Dupain-Cheng, Pansexual Luka Couffaine, Sharing a Bed, Pet Names, LGBTQ Character, LGBTQ Themes, Instagram, Bullying, Social Media, Anxiety, Makeover, Hugs, will cure your acne, Face Punching, Bad Ass Juleka Couffaine, Rumors, Protective Juleka Couffaine, Protective Adrien Agreste, Lawyers, Hijinks & Shenanigans, Holding Hands, accountability, mental health, Jagged Stone's well-paid pet shark, How to Make the Evening News, Sexy eyeliner for days, one fish two fish Lila is a screwed fish, How to have fun and piss Gabriel off, Fuckery, sweet litigious karma, Alya sugar, lawyer shark doo doo doo doo doo doo, Schadenfreude, Bad Ass Alya Césaire, Gaslighting, abuse denormalization, Jagged likes his lawyers like he likes his pets: toothy af, Blood in the Water, Everything you didn’t know you wanted and some things you did, Gabriel Agreste is shark bait, Denial, Consequences, Principal Damocles salt, caline bustier salt, the impotence of Gabriel Agreste, snarky Nooroo, lies and the lying liars who tell them, Lila's brain is a narcissistic hellscape, Lila’s mind is built like an Escher piece, Alec Cataldi salt, Adrien Sugar, wholesome salt, Fu Salt, Kwami Shenanigans, Nooroo is a little shit

Summary: Marinette gets serious.

Notes: This fic is 3 comments away from the 1K comment milestone on AO3!

AO3 link

Chapters 1-2

------

In comparison to Jagged, who was coming up with more and more ridiculous ideas—getting a pet crocodile, for instance, which made it seem he wanted Adrien to be a mini-him—Marinette was positively sedate when Adrien came back into the lounge. She was seated primly with a notebook she’d found somewhere.

She looked up at him, quirking a smile. “We need to be serious about this if we’re going to win.”

Jagged let out an exaggerated sigh. “Ugh, being serious is so not rock n’ roll.”

Adrien blinked. “Win?”

“Beat your dad at his own game. Manipulating public perception.” Marinette gestured to the notebook, which had a list. “We have fifteen hours before the announcement hits the news, about, if it’s meant to be released at nine tomorrow morning. That gives us some time. Not much, but some.”

He sat down, browsing the list.

Non-Lila fake relationship (call Nadja Chamack)

Not skunk hair – black w/ green tips?

Expose Lila – make her inconvenient (no more photoshoots)

Jagged read out loud over his shoulder, adding commentary like, “Wait, you know Nadja Chamack, too?” and “Yeah, I guess that’d look better” and “I’m in!” The last one regarding Lila.

“I texted Penny to come back so we can make the plans more cohesive before moving to clothes,” Marinette said as he handed back the notebook.

“Should I tell the hotel to hold off on the hair, too?” Jagged asked. At Marinette’s nod, he moved across the room to the phone.

Adrien was stunned that she had, in the course of one conversation he’d had in the bathroom with Plagg, come up with something that would look less haphazard.

“But who would I have a fake relationship with?”

The idea made him uneasy. It felt a lot like what his dad was doing.”

She bit her lip. “Um, not me. But someone who knows Lila is toxic and is willing to help us. The only reason for it is to make it look like your dad is trying to break you and this person up, or is embarrassed or something.”

Adrien winced. “I mean, I don’t want to use someone like that. It’d be easiest to choose a guy, since Father wouldn’t dare upset the LGBTQ+ community with him being in the fashion industry, but it’d be a little disrespectful to the community, wouldn’t it?”

Marinette was quiet for a bit. “I… I don’t know. I’m, um… I identify as bi, but… Maybe if you basically said it was a relationship to explore your sexuality? Like with someone who’s also a friend?”

“But… I don’t think I know anyone who’d be willing to do that.

Realistically, everyone in their class was under Lila’s thumb. Another celebrity would make it weird. Other models might be concerned about a future modeling for Gabriel.

Jagged butted in. “Weren’t you jamming with Anarka’s boy that one time?”

Adrien blinked. “Luka?”

“He might be willing to help—and you could promote Kitty Section, too. Make that part of your outfit.” For some reason, Marinette’s cheeks had turned pink. “Um, is it okay if I text him and get him to come?”

Honestly, Adrien had been a bit jealous of Luka when he’d wielded the Snake so well after Adrien’s failure—but Plagg had pointed out that it just meant he was a better Black Cat. And he was fond of the older boy, who had welcomed him into the band even though his father wouldn’t let him play often.

“I think… yeah. Let’s talk to him. Hopefully he’s not fooled by Lila’s act.”

“He’s not,” Marinette said darkly. “I, uh, told him after she got me expelled and almost Akumatized.”

“No!” Jagged jumped up. “I can’t believe she hurt you so bad! Oh, she’s got to go down!”

Penny just so happened to walk in at that moment. “Who?”

“That Lila girl almost got our talented, wonderful Marinette Akumatized, Penny! We can’t have that.” Jagged sprawled against his part of the circular sofa dramatically. “She’s, like, my muse!”

Marinette turned beet red. “I-I’ll just text Luka and ask him to come here.”

She pulled her phone way closer to her face than was necessary. Adrien thought it was cute that she got flustered whenever someone reminded her of her accomplishments—she was so modest, unlike Lila.

Penny, for her part, rolled her eyes at the dramatics, but smiled. “Adrien, can you run through a list of her lies? I might be able to get more people on board, since she seems to like to steal fame.”

Adrien nodded, listing staying with Prince Ali of Achu, being best friends with Ladybug, Jagged Stone’s kitten and song for her, and knowing Steven Besielberg and other Hollywood directors.

“She even told our friend Nino she would introduce him to Steven Besielberg, and he wants to be a filmmaker,” he finished. “And those are just the ones I’ve heard—she probably has more.”

Jagged broke in. “I wrote one for Ladybug after she saved me, and Mariette inspired a song, but I’d never write her a song, even as a take-down. She doesn’t deserve it.”

Penny was writing on her pad. “I can get in touch with Steven Besielberg, at least. That should be interesting.”

“Luka’s on his way,” Marinette broke in. “And, uh, I just realized my idea for your hair would match his… So maybe that was a sign?”

Adrien smiled. “At least that I should also spend time playing with Kitty Section again.”

Penny cleared her throat. “Adrien, do you have control of your official social media?”

He rubbed the back of his head. “Kind of? My father has the password for both my email and my social media accounts.”

She nodded, and gestured to a laptop on a nearby desk. “Change them while we wait for M. Couffaine. I’ll help you make sure he can’t regain control.”

By the time they finished, Luka had arrived. Adrien and Marinette worked to explain the situation to him; the blond could tell by the look on his face, as though he’d just smelled something nasty, that Luka knew of and wasn’t fond of Lila.

He hadn’t even gotten to asking him, when the older boy abruptly nodded. “A fake relationship. Something your father can’t protest without looking bad. I’ll do it, so long as we take down Lila, too.”

Adrien grinned. “Already in the works.”

Marinette, though, looked worried. “Has she done something?”

Luka scowled. “She’s been trying to make things weird between Juleka and Rose lately. It’s bad enough she hurt Marinette, but she’s not hurting my sister.”

Adrien traded serious glances with Marinette. This was bigger, more important, than just avoiding a fake relationship with Lila now. If the liar had proved anything with her plot to get Marinette expelled, it was that she didn’t care who she hurt, what relationships she destroyed.

It was time to take her down.

[callmeunstable]

Angels & Demons - Chapter 4

Chapter 4

Characters: Reader, Godling, Savilla, Jaskier

Summary: After finding a friendin Jaskier their friendship get tested. Unsure of the danger ahead Alva tries her best to live in the village.

Warnings: Cursing, Blood, Death

Words: 2.000+

A/N: Hey! This is the fourth part of my fic. It took really long this time due to personal problems. I’m sorry but it probably will happen again. Thank you for you patience and enjoy!

Disclaimer: GIF’s and PNG’s are taken from Tumblr and are not mine! Credits to the creators!

Tags: @marvelbrat @charliestuff

Song: 

“Did ya hear the rumors?”

“The folks are saying the Nilfgaards want to overrule Cintra.”

“That’s never been a secret, mate. Cintra will fall and we all know that.”

“Got to hell. Our Lioness is strong. Don’t ya ever doubt her skill.”

These were the latest accusations browsing around the village. Cintra, the kingdom Alva was currently staying, was about to fall. The men were right when they're saying that. Even Savilla was under tension these days. She said they could arrive any day by now. 

The Lioness was the Queen of this state. Calanthe of Cintra, known also as the "Lioness of Cintra" and "Ard Rhena" called by the Elders. The mother of Pavetta, and grandmother of Ciri. She was known for her bravery and beauty. That is at least what she figured while serving in the tavern. She heard tons of rumors but couldn’t understand what that meant for her.

Sevilla had already started packing the most important goods and she collected all the money she received. Rarely spending anything except for once. She bought two horses. They weren’t expensive she said and necessary for traveling. 

When the Nilfgaards want to overrule Cintra the will stop here. Their town was called Walen. It’s close to the capital of Cintra. Where the Queen and the King had their castle. It may be a small village but you will get everything you need in this town. Food, animals, tailors, and a blacksmith.

Overall this village was not a poorly town. It had more than enough money to keep everyone well fed through the winter, which was a rare thing in this century. They didn’t necessarily depend on other nearby villages. They made everything they could need by themselves. Sevilla already had a plan figured out. James was still living in his forest and promised to alert them directly if he’d see something unusual and he would try to save them some time. In the beginning, Alva didn’t understand why the had to take all these precautions until the mage explained it to her. The Nilfgaardian Army was strong and powerful. They raided villages, stole their good, and raped the women. Their goal was to overrule Cintra, which means they wouldn’t hesitate to torture the people living here to receive any information they would mark as useful.

It was horrible and disgusting but it was the way this world worked. You have to protect yourself because nobody else will.

The job at the tavern kept her busy. It was quite fun now that Jaskier decided to stay. She liked his singing and his humor, even if sometimes he’d get on her nerves. He was flirting with every woman he could come across and needless to say, it didn’t stay with flirting if the girl agreed.

Gladly Jaskier understood rather quickly not to tease Alva's patience because she didn’t care about the girly behavior this world was used to. She was quick with grabbing any nearby object and chasing the bard with it. Once or twice even with his lute.

She would consider them both as good friends, which is why she was asking the bard about his plans when the Niflgaards arrive. “They don’t scare me. I’m not scared of anything. I could even get some new stories to tell in my songs.”

The bard was sometimes naive but he assured Alva that he knew what was coming and that he will be prepared.

Another day another workday for Alva. It was all peaceful and quiet, especially in the mornings. She liked that shift a lot. But not today. She was the first server to enter and she quickly realized that. Dozens of mugs were laying on the floor, bear and gin spilled everywhere.

“Was there a party I don’t know about?” Alva let that question settle in the room, soon recognizing that no one was there to talk to.

“All right, fuck all of you then.”

“Why you gotta be so mean all the time?” 

The mumbling sound of Jaskier's voice broke the silence and Alva spotted his hat in one of the corners of the room. The rest was hidden behind a barrel. He looked rather ruff. His Jacket was thrown on the chair beside him and his shirt was unbuttoned pretty far down. Thankfully he had his pants still on.

“Because you're sleeping quietly in your corner while I have to scrub the floor that you probably spilled you drink on.” Alva throws her bag at Jaskier, hitting him right in the belly.

“That was uncalled for. And to be exact it wasn’t only me. The men last night were enormously friendly and gave everyone a drink for free. Let me tell you it was fantastic.”

“Glad to hear you had a good time. Did you earn more than usual.”

“Probably. Can’t remember if I shall be completely honest.”

That sounded like typical Jaskier. 

Alva grabbed some towels and a bucket, filling it with water and soap. She dipped one into the liquid and searched for her target. Jaskier was standing a few meters away. His back was facing her.

“Don’t you know that turning your back to someone is just plain rude.” And with these words, the towel was being thrown, right on Jaskier's head. But the bard didn’t seem to mind the wet cloth sitting on top of his head.

“What the hell are you doing Jaskier?” The girl made her way over to him, to take a look at the interesting thing Jaskier was concentrated on. 

She didn’t like was she was seeing. Jaskier had opened her bag and grabbed one of her leather notebooks, Sevilla gave her exactly 3 of them, so she could keep track of this world and for anything else, Alva wanted to write down.

“You lied to me!” Jaskier let out an offended sigh. “You are a bard yourself and you didn’t tell me? I'm deeply offended, Alva.”

Alva tried to snatch the book out of his hands, unsuccessfully. “Jaskier, I will kick your ass! Give it back!” Jaskier was probably about 1 ½ head taller than Alva. That made it far more difficult.

“Why would I? These are amazing. Why did you hide them from me?”

“I’m not a bard Jaskier. I just like to write songs, get it?”

“You have to sing for me sometime or at least allow me to use some of your poetry.”

“For Christ's Sake Jaskier give me the book or I will kick you in your balls and that is a promise.”

Jaskier's shocked eyes stared her blank in the face. “No need to threaten me. But I've heard worse than that.” The bard still didn’t give the book back. Alva was struggling to get hold of his arm, that he held far up in the air. 

“That’s so romantic. May I quote ‘I've been hiding for so long, these feelings they’re not gone, can I tell anyone?’ What a poet you are little girl.”

“Jaskier I’m begging you, please stop!” Alva knew what the next line read. And she knew in which time frame she was captured. This will not end well.

“Why this is adorable! ’Afraid of what they'll say, so I push them away. I'm acting so strange.’ Does someone have a crush on good ol’ Jaskier?”

“Jaskier you don’t want to read further trust me.” Alva stopped reaching for her journal. It wouldn’t change what would happen next, she was too small and Jaskier to stubborn.

“’ They're so pretty it hurts. I'm not talking 'bout boys, I'm talking 'bout’ … oh.” There it was. Would he hate her now? Was she about to be abandoned from this village? She had no idea what would happen next.

“I’m sorry, Alva. I didn’t me to intrude your privacy.” Jaskier looked ashamed. That was a surprising sight. He quietly closed the book and handed it to her. She grabbed it and stuffed it bag in her back.

“You’re not going to tell anyone, are you?”

“No, don’t be afraid. I don’t mind that. It’s just a bummer, I thought you had a swarm for myself. I guess I was wrong.” Jaskier let out a friendly laugh and scratched the back of his head.

“Wait, you don’t hate me?”

“Why would I? I mean I’m fond of women myself so why would I blame you? I’m just a little bit disappointed. I thought maybe I had a chance to win you over, at least for a night.”

Alva punched Jaskier softly in his side. 

“You’re a douche. But if you want to know. I still think men are attractive. But in my opinion, women are as well. So why exactly decide?” Alva tried her best to explain Jaskier with the easiest way that she’s bisexual.

“Does that mean I still have a chance of winning you over?” Jaskier's typical smirk was setting and he wiggled with his eyebrows.

“Technically yes, but no thanks.”

“That was disappointing.”

The day went quietly after this. Alva was happy about the fact that Jaskier didn’t mind her sexuality at all. He was indeed a great friend. He kept it a secret as he promised. And he didn’t change one bit.

A couple of weeks later they were walking back from the village that was next to Walen. It was a one-day march but it didn’t bother them. Sevilla sent Alva to get herbs she ran out of and Jaskier gladly announced himself as her companion. He didn’t want her to get lost and a woman should never walk alone, in his opinion.

It was only about a half an hour walk left, they were just arriving in the forest of James when they saw black smoke rising from the direction they were heading. “What the hell?” Alva didn’t understand what that was supposed to be. It was new to her that the village people used smoke signals.

“That’s not good.” Jaskier started to run, Alva behind him. What’s happening? “Why are we running?”, called Alva so Jaskier was able to hear her through the cracking branches they were running over.

“I think Nilfgaard reached Walen! Hurry!”

Anxiety was crawling up her throat. This couldn’t be real. Sevilla warned her but she never took it that seriously. She thought this would never happen.

“Alva!” The familiar voice of James was ringing in her head. The Godling used this method a lot to talk to Alva without needing to be seen.

“What is happening, James?” “Nilfgaard raided the village not even ten minutes ago. You need to run away! Not in the direction of the village! It will be your death!” The Godling was panicking like a child. His voice sounded helpless.

“I have to make it. I need to see if Sevilla is okay. Can you shield us? I beg you, James.” Alva needed to flee with Sevilla, she was not going to leave her there. “I try my best. But there are too many. You won't have much time.”

“I don’t need long, just help us!”

In the far Sevilla's house came in sight. It looked like normal, only the pots and jar outside the house were broken.

“Be quiet. I saw some soldiers not far from here. It's Nilfgaard. We have to leave!” Jaskier was pushing her in a bush, trying to have at least a little bit of cover. Screams and cries became audible. Uncontrolled and painful.

“Sevilla had a plan. I need to get her. We have horses. You can come with us Jaskier. But I need to get Sevilla, do you understand?” Alva was determined. 

She was not going to leave her. She was like a mother to her, all this time. She gave her a home when anyone else would have left her to die. The girl pushed the fabric of her dress aside, grabbing the hidden dagger.

“You are crazy! Going in there.”

“You will not stop me.”

“Alright then. Let’s go, you crazy girl. When we die, at least we’ll die together.”

They were slowly approaching the cottage. Trying to make out any sound.

“There is no one around you. You can enter.” James was back in her head. Alva didn’t hesitate anymore, breaking through the door.

It was horrifying. Everything was broken. All of the herbs were ripped out of their pots. All of their clothing was laying ripped on the floor. The fireplace was burning and tons of papers were stuffed into it.

But the worst thing was yet to come. Sevilla was laying on her stomach. The back part of an arrow was sticking out of her back.

“Sevilla!” The girl let out a shrieking scream. Jaskier quickly covered her mouth and held her in his arms. 

The was so much blood. All of her clothes were colored in a dark red. She wasn’t moving anymore.

“Alva, you need to listen to me.” Jaskier was grabbing her face and trying to get her to focus. “I know this is hard but you have to grief later. She wouldn’t want you to die here. You told me she protected you, I understand. But we have to leave.”

Alva was frozen, not even noticing her tears falling to the floor. “I can't keep them away much longer Alva!” A panicked voice ripped her out of her trance state. 

She wouldn’t want her to die. She has to live for her. “T- The rug. Under the rug.” Jaskier pushed the carpet aside and a hatch became visible.

Jaskier opened it and there were 6 bags stuffed together. Each of them grabbed three.

Alva was still looking at the corpse of Sevilla. She was lost in this world once again. No help to escape it.

“The horses! Where are they, Alva?” Jaskier started to panic like the girl. 

“Behind the house in the shed.”

Both ran outside, with a last glance at the mage they left. The horses were still outside, visibly unsettled.

“Help me saddle them. Hurry up!” They fixed the straps and secured the bags. While doing that a not fell out of the pockets attached to the saddle. Quickly picking it up she stuffed it on the inside of her pants. 

“You need to ride with this dress. Are you able to do that?” Jaskier wanted to make sure the girl stayed focused. It was the most important thing at the moment.

“N-no, I can't. B-but.” She held up her dagger and sliced the fabric of her legs. Ripping every single part of it off her body. Anger was building up in her body. “Stop that! We don’t have time for one of your outbreaks. Get up! Now!” Jaskier helped the girl on the horse and fastly climbed on the other one.

The horses picked up on speed. They could sense that they were in a dangerous situation. Alva looked back at the small village she called her home. But now she has to travel into the unknown with a bard my her side.

[thenightling]

My scatter-brained review of Wonder Woman 1984 (written partly while watching and then revised afterward)

I finally got curious enough to watch Wonder Woman 1984.  

Warning: There ARE spoilers here! 

I was reluctant to watch it because I knew the plot would deal with wishes coming true “But at a price” and Wonder Woman’s love coming back as a result of this plot Magoffin. This is something I have seen many times before.   And frankly I was bored with it years ago. 

 The predictable plot beats being a “Be careful what you wish for” theme.  The Monkey’s Paw (and all adaptations of the story) and variations like The Twisted Claw in “Are you Afraid of the Dark?” It was obvious to me that such a wish would bring Steve back and he would eventually “have to “ return to being dead. Frankly, I’m tired of that.  I think a great twist would be if the person didn’t have to return to being dead for once.  I’ve seen this plot done too often in comics, TV, and film.

Now for the good.  I LOVE the early 80s aesthetic.  I even got a bit of Legend of Billie Jean vibes.  It’s very accurate to the look and feel of a 1980s film.  It felt authentic, not just “Hey, remember this!”    

Nineteen minutes in and I saw the ham-handed tell-tale signs that Diana would have to learn to love again, to trust and open her heart, and to invite others in again.  And to heal she would have to “learn to let go” of Steve.  But as I said, I’m tired of these grief messages. Especially now, especially in 2020.  I want a new twist . I want the lost loved one to come back, I want the happily ever after with the formerly dead loved one.  I’m tired of this trope.

They even out-right compare it to “The Monkey’s Paw” story in the film.  Acknowledging that something is a cliché doesn’t make it any less of a cliché. You’re just trying to lampshade it by pointing it out in story and it just didn’t really work for me.

The “Dreamstone” in this does not look like Morpheus’ ruby amulet but instead it resembles the “ruby” (this one is a citrine) from Justice League Dark (the animated movie).  And no, the God mentioned is NOT Morpheus.  The God in question is a “trickster and a liar.”  Gee, I wonder who that could be?   I suspect the “true name” wasn’t given because they were afraid of confusion with Marvel’s depiction of the same character.  A lot of people don’t realize Loki is in the public domain.  Even Joanne Harris (author of Gospel of Loki) thinks her book can’t be adapted into film because Marvel / Disney owns Loki but that’s not true.  The character is as public as Snow White or Robin Hood.  Anyone can use him. 

There’s some subtle hints of Diana’s bisexuality.   I’m glad for this, I still come across fans who refuse to accept she’s bi and insist word of author (Gail Simone) don’t count because she didn’t “create” Wonder Woman.  The same people should REALLY look up the behind the scenes life of the man who did.  Anyway, I almost thought Diana lean in and kiss Barbara after the rescue in the park but she didn’t.

Maxwell Lord offers Diana a nineteen inch TV.  Note to kids: that is NOT big even by 80s standards.  We did have large screen TVs back then. My grandfather had a very big one back in the 80s.

I also really like the soundtrack.   

When the camera spun around Diana and Steve’s reunion it made me dizzy.   I don’t like that effect.   It’s so common with romantic scenes but I found it dizzying.  Flashbacks of the film Legend of Hercules from 2014... 

The dreamstone in this appears to have been made of sand all along so maybe it is one of Dream of The Endless’ dreamstones after all.  But that’s the only hint to even suggest this.

When Steve shows up, it’s like the writers forgot modern history.  He shouldn’t be THAT impressed with an escalator or a a subway.  Subways were already in existence when he died! The New York City subway, for example, opened in 1904.  And he knows what trash cans are!  I know that was meant to be funny but that’s stupid.  He’s from the early twentieth century, not five-hundred-years-ago.

How did Maxwell Lord know Steve Trevor was inhabiting someone else’s body but didn’t know for certain Barbara had made a wish?  Does he just know everything the stone touched or does he sense the desires of others?  How did he know to suggest “Don’t you want to be a real boy?” with Steve?

Steve’s fate was painfully predictable, so much so that I felt nothing when she had to let him go.   See, these “realistic” / “have to stay” dead plots they’re shoe-horning into comic stories are now done so often that they are trite.  You know what’s coming.  You know what they want you to feel and you (or I, at least) went numb instead.  I think I would have felt more if she somehow got to keep him . But the fact that he wasn’t even in his own body was the first clue that my prediction was right.

Finally, I actually really like how they resolved the Maxwell Lord (Trump-esque) plot and his character arc.   It was very late in the story that they decided to show a sympathetic side to him, and flashbacks of his upbringing and I feel it should have been done earlier in the film but it still worked.  I like that love for his son is what saved everyone.  I am a sucker for a redemption story.  

  I like the themes of love and hope even though I still resent the predictability of what happened with Steve Trevor and the hamhanded “She needed to learn to move on” part.

The Steve plot was the weakest part of the story, in my opinion.   But as far as superhero movies go this was decent . It wasn’t boring and the morals weren’t too preachy.  Sure, it had some corny and predicable moments (Not just with Steve Trevor) but in general it was enjoyable to watch.   

I don’t think it was as good as the first Wonder Woman movie but I do like it more than most of the Marvel sequels so that says something.   I’d like it a lot more if the Steve Trevor plot wasn’t even in there or had a new and interesting twist rather than the “You have to learn to let me go.”  As I said, I’m tired of death.  I’m tired of grief plots.  And I’m tired of how predictable this new obsession with perma-deaths in comic book-inspired stories has become.  

I’d say the film is a seventy nine out of a hundred for me, maybe three and a half out of five stars.  Not the best superhero film and definitely not as good as the first Wonder Woman movie but still better than many other superhero movie sequels.   

Also a certain outfit was added to the movie shamelessly to sell a new action figure.  Even kids know the trick.  A superhero movie gets a sequel, that means the hero has to get some new costume, or their look has to change in some way, just to sell a new action figure distinctly from this movie and not the first.  Marvel did this all the time. Loki went through three distinct outfits for three films.  

I loved Lynda Carter’s cameo in the end credits bonus scene for her.  That was the perfect role to her and very respectful to her legacy as having been the 1970s Wonder Woman.   That was one of the nicest and most respectful “original actor” cameos I had ever seen. 

Something else, I kind of wish the films would reveal the Greek Gods aren’t dead.  It really bugs me that they have implied since the first Wonder Woman movie that all the Greek Gods are dead / gone.   Then why do things imbued with their power still work?   I wish Hollywood would be more respectful to the old lore and polytheistic beliefs that many people (such as Neo pagans) still have.

Anyway, good.  Not great.   But still god and better than a lot of other superhero sequels and still better than more than half of DC’s other films of the last ten years.    

[covairecity-promo]

~ MOST WANTED! ~

❝ I don’t like your attitude. ❞

Name: Mathias Ward

Species: Vampire

Age: 99 (21)

Sexuality: Bisexual (strong preference for women)

Occupation: C.C. Marshals Director (formerly Slave Hunter Executive)

Client

Face Claim: Jesse Williams

✒ BACKGROUND: It’s hard to believe Mathias’s origins, especially in a place like Covaire. Born in 1918 to a wolf mistress, Malin Ward, and a human slave, Patrice Gugino, he was destined to be nothing more than a civilian when it was clear that his gene wouldn’t trigger at 14. And when his mother died a year later, the money Malin had was half-transferred to his father and half-given to the city as payment for their citizenship. But knowing it would be practically impossible to live and survive in a place like Covaire, Patrice used every penny he had inherited to get them both out of the city. For six years, Mathias was happy with his father, up until one night when a familiar vampire named Lloyd, who they had known in Covaire, came to their house. How they had been found was a mystery to the both of them, but Lloyd was here about a promise he had made to Malin; to make her son a master. And with that, the 21 year old human was made a vampire in front of his father, who was then killed and erased from his mind, and told that his father had died over the years outside Covaire.

For a decade, Lloyd trained Mathias as an apprentice since the much older vampire, who was 167 at the time, worked as a slave trader. It was a surprise for Lloyd to realize that Mathias lacked compassion toward slaves, but also a sign that the young vampire would do well in that job. The training happened outside of Covaire, to prevent Lloyd from being killed for siring a child without Alastor’s approval. He brought the young man with him on all his slave hunts and business transactions.

Keep reading [or click] for full biography & visit our group!

Mathias was reintroduced to Covaire at 31, assisting Lloyd and dealing with hiring masters or mistresses as subcontractors to bring back specific types of slaves, depending on the flavor of the month.

In 2014, during the 300th anniversary of Covaire City, the FEAR drug drove Lloyd insane and before the night was over, the vampire had committed suicide by ripping his own heart out.

After that Mathias was made the head of the department, becoming the new Slave Hunter Executive and following in his mentors footsteps, he supervised all slave trades both in the city and out, leading teams of hunters, when larger groups of slaves were needed. He was aware of all acquisitions the city made.

Human trafficking of any kind is his speciality.

Covaire City— February 2018. When the city decided to abolish slavery, Mathias found himself out of a job, and his talents were pretty specific. Tracking and torture weren’t needed anymore, but that didn’t mean he had to shelf his talents forever. In fact he still lived for a prison break, the thrill of the chase was still the best thing to get the blood rushing through the vampire’s veins. It was why he was approached by the Dominion to lead a new department: Covaire City Marshals, which would now focus on bringing in to the Chateau the dangerous criminals governments didn’t want in their prisons and also hunting down those who had committed crimes against Covaire and bring them to justice.

✒ PERSONALITY: Mathias could have been a guard; he’s harsh, and had loved the slave system and the free sex, but babysitting was never something he was interested in. But seeing who got through the door had been enough for him. When slavery was abolished, he thought he wouldn’t be able to get his ways, but with his new job, he realised he’d be able to continue his life like he always had. And now, with prisoners being claimable - having officially replaced the old slaves, he’s happier than ever!

The vampire is a very difficult and picky client; he’ll fuck just about any holes - willing or not (or at least when he can get away with it with escorts) - but when it concerns exclusive escorts, he detests those who are too submissive or clingy, just as much as the ones who can’t shut up or those who have inflated egos. As a consequence, very few slaves in the past have entered his house on a more permanent term and that isn’t about to change with escorts, nor prisoners.

The vampire is what we could call a ‘Covaire supremacist’. Supernaturals or humans, he enjoys them all as long as they side with Covaire. While he’s very strict about an escort’s or prisoner’s attitude, he could be considered a sociable person.

MAIN || PLOT || SPECIES || CHARACTERS || EVENTS || APPLY || MOBILE

[itswasteland]

Notes on my faceclaim for Tony Stark: 

I’ve been meaning to write this up for some time. Henry Golding is white on his father’s side and Malaysian of indigenous Iban ancestry on his mother’s side. This will be reflected in his character.  Depending on the artist at the time, Tony has been drawn very white, while at other times he’s been coded as Asian. Obviously in the MCU, there is no such ambiguity (and racial ambiguity is a cheap attempt at diversity anyway, but hey, so is the constant bisexual baiting in the Iron Man comics….anyway….). Under the cut are some thoughts on (1) why I changed my fc and (2) the Asian Model Minority Myth and the “smart Asian” trope. TW for Long Post. 

Disclaimer: If you feel anything below is wrong, problematic, etc. please feel free to message and let me know. It’s no one’s job to educate me but my own, but if people have insights, I’m here to hear them. 

Originally my face-claim for Tony was the wonderful Charles Michael Davis, who is Black and Filipino because (1) I play Tony according to one of his earlier backstories where he was not adopted and his parents weren’t this dynamic duo they were later written as. His mom was an immigrant “mail-order bride” who then self-taught herself English and started up a series of charitable foundations while battling an abusive husband; for this reason, it’s important that Tony is represented as bi-racial (his mother was written as Italian and, yes, historically, Italian people have also been treated like shit in the U.S., but as most Italian-Americans have by now successfully assimilated into general white culture, I think this needs to be updated–and i say this as someone of a Sicilian family, AKA the “dark Italians” that other Italians hated for, you guessed it, colorism). (2) I believe Iron Man should be Black. And I still do. Most of the tech, advancements, and science America runs off were Black-made and white-stolen, and having science-savvy Black characters in comics is incredibly important. Iron Man should be Black, but Tony Stark isn’t. And a lot of this just comes down to Howard Stark. 

He is the epitome of white capitalism, and he stepped on anyone he needed to to get ahead, while telling himself–and the world–that it was patriotism and the American dream. Howard might have been smart, sure, but he just wouldn’t have gotten where he did without white privilege. That has to be acknowledged. Tony’s story is largely about being the face of stolen advancements. White, class, male privilege is part of Tony’s story. 

Tony is not someone who persevered against the odds, the world against him; he’s someone who had success handed to him (which doesn’t erase how hard he worked or how smart he was or the abuse he had to overcome–but that’s the thing: acknowledging white privilege doesn’t mean you never worked hard or don’t deserve any success–it means you had a much easier time getting there than a POC would have in your shoes). Much of Tony’s story is about waking up and seeing that privilege and trying to do some good with it and to pass that mantel on (without turning into some white savior). Which is why Ironheart is the Iron Man the future needs, not Peter Parker (who I also love–but it’s time for Riri to have that spotlight). 

Now onto my faceclaim. So much of the original Iron Man story is dependent on Asia in problematic ways (this was later changed to the Middle East in the MCU–another war where U.S. Imperialism was the real enemy–but it was originally the war in Vietnam). Through 70+ years of comics, Tony has been working in and out of parts of Asia, selling off parts of his company to different Asian-based industries, etc. (with his girlfriend, Rumiko, and her father’s family being from Japan, many of the comics took place there, but they also took place in China, Vietnam, and Malaysia). 

Marrying an Asian wife and having an Asian son would likely have been very appealing to Howard as a way to help solidify those business connections, while believing and impressing upon his son that all Asians are smart, so he should always do perfectly and any of his intellectual success isn’t really his personally, just a given. And this is a part of Tony’s story too. Though I don’t play Tony’s adopted arc, the idea behind it is that Tony is told all of his intellect, all of his personality, is down to ‘coding’ done to his genetics. This turns out not to be true, but that idea is very real. We see this narrative all the time–Asians as ‘genetically deposed’ to be smart–seen as a “good” stereotype when in fact it’s incredibly damaging. It also creates a caricature: the smart, tech-savvy, and usually inherently asexual Asian man incapable of leading (always deferring to someone else). What we don’t see as often is the consequences of that–the mental toll, the self-questioning. The fact that Tony defers automatically to his intelligence to prove himself but wants to be seen as tough, attractive, a leader, etc.. 

My Tony is not only waking up to the realization of his white and class privilege, but to his own white-washing and the model minority myth. (You can read more about that here.) This is not only super damaging to Asian children in general, but also helps contribute to racism in America, particularly anti-Blackness.

 “When paired with racist myths about other ethnic or racial groups, the model minority myth is used as evidence to deny or downplay the impact of racism and discrimination on people of color in the United States. Given the history of that impact on black Americans particularly, the myth is ultimately a means to perpetuate anti-blackness.” 

For more info, here is a book on Asian Settler Colonialism. The short version of this is that in order to continue this lie of the “American Dream,” many Asian-Americans are made to believe that they both are free from racism and discrimination (erasing a lot of racist American history in the process), while having simultaneously “overcome” racism, meaning so can everyone else. It’s often a difficult process unlearning this and realizing that this “success” of the “American Dream” is both detrimental to Asian communities and other POC. Asian-Americans are often used to continue white supremacy. 

And a big part of Tony’s origin story is about being used. He benefited from it certainly, was well paid to shut up and be the smart one (which is the point of a model minority narrative: if you’re moving up the ladder, why should you question it? meanwhile, others continue to be oppressed and the system continues) , but Obadiah was the one in charge, taking whatever Tony’s big brain could come up with and selling it for his own interests. 

This will probably be added to in the future, but this is already long enough as is, so I’ll stop there.

[love-takes-work]

Steven Universe Podcast: The Fantasy of Steven Universe

This is an outline of the Steven Universe Podcast regarding “The Fantasy of Steven Universe”: an issue of the podcast in which the creators and writers discuss a multitude of deep issues, along with some Q&A from both fans and insiders. No volume number or episode number was given for this one. The official description:

It's the last new podcast episode of the season and we asked the cast and Cartoon Network Executive team to submit questions to Steven Universe creator Rebecca Sugar and former Executive Producer Ian Jones-Quartey! They tackle everything from design to wormholes to escapism to advice to your younger self and dreaming big. Then former writers Matt Burnett and Ben Levin sit down with Rebecca to discuss lessons learned, achieving goals, and what they hope people take away from the show. And finally, Kat Morris and Joe Johnston return to answer a last batch of Fan Q&A!

This is a long podcast with a long summary, so as usual I will give you a bulleted list of highlights, followed by a detailed summary.

Highlights:

Many of the show’s themes and important elements were there right from the beginning--all the way back to the pilot.

Rebecca Sugar comments that she didn’t really learn how to have fun until 2016.

Figuring out how to pace the show out and reveal each piece of information at the right time so it could support another later revelation was very exciting to the writers. They had the pieces laid out like a puzzle on their table.

Mostly self-contained episodes still gave the audience a piece of information or represented growth for a character. The less “plotty” episodes helped keep the energy up.

The Crewniverse knew that their titles were sometimes trollish, but Ben was honestly surprised that people expected apocalyptic happenings for “Last One Out of Beach City.” It was just a Less Than Jake reference.

Rebecca really enjoyed getting the chance to “damsel” Greg for the Zoo arc; she really wanted to use a lot of princess tropes, even that one.

Viewers should take away from the show messages of compassion, self-love leading to ability to connect with others, ability to understand and listen to others, and opportunities to see themselves as well as to see others.

Rebecca has drawn all of Fluorite’s component Gems, but all she’ll say is “they’re fun.”

Lars and Lion are not immortal, but they will live for a very long time and have slowed-down lifespans. Kat Morris says Lars may have no sense of taste; that if he eats it’s just for sustenance.

Lars has all the same powers as Lion. He can indeed do a sonic blast and make portals and walk on water. They weren’t able to work this into an episode we’ve seen, but Rebecca assures us that Lars will discover his abilities and it will be “really funny.”

The Crew had specific voice actors they wanted for the Diamonds. They got who they wanted cast by writing excited letters. Susan Egan’s was particularly weird because she had to play Tiny Floating Whale first.

Blue Diamond was the most difficult Diamond to design because her hair was hard to decide on. Rebecca’s influences for her were Martha Graham’s “Lamentation” dance and Fruma Sarah’s ghost from Fiddler on the Roof.

Yellow Diamond was mostly directly inspired by Patti LuPone’s performance as Evita.

White Diamond was influenced by many old-timey vibes, including Hedy Lamarr in Ziegfeld Girl and the artistry of Nell Brinkley. She had heavy eyelashes and fingernails--lots of design elements they did not incorporate into other characters, so she could adhere to old, “stifling” beauty standards.

Rebecca was disappointed that reveals of Pink’s full jester-like outfit got out before we saw it in the show. Her hair was originally higher in early designs, which contributed to her mural having spikier hair.

Greg is based almost entirely on Tom Scharpling; Rebecca was comforted by his voice when she had upheavals in her life. There’s also a little bit of inspiration from various Crewniverse dads in him.

Another Gem could have a hybrid child like Steven only if they had enough power to do it and the complete commitment to the idea that Pink had.

Steven and his “Gem self” are not really separable and can’t exist independently of each other. His Gem half will not remain if his organic half dies. They are one being. He will likely have a very long life because of his Gem powers, but (though the Crew agrees this is grim), he will probably die before the Gems do.

The Jade Fusion won’t be in trouble anymore once the Jades come out of their bubbles; in Era 3, the act they were punished for is no longer disallowed. However, the trauma of being isolated and then punished as soon as they felt it was safe to fuse may require some healing. Rebecca assures us they should be able to have the opportunity to heal and be okay.

Obsidian definitely has future vision powers. In fact, they’re expanded to the point that the noise is difficult to interpret; very powerful, but difficult to get anything useful with them.

Pearl became a more maternal character because of her voice actor, Deedee Magno Hall, being “such a mom.”

Zach Callison as Steven was so genuine and professional to work with, and the vibe in the booth with regard to him was closely mirrored in the show.

Sometimes Deedee’s or Michaela’s ways of interacting with Zach would influence how Pearl or Amethyst would interact with Steven.

People would give lots of space and reverence to Estelle when she was reading her lines, which parallels how the other characters treat Garnet.

Only Steven can take anyone or anything through the pink space connected to Lars’s hair and Lion’s mane, but yes, Steven could take Lars through Lion’s mane, and if he stuck his head out, there’d be infinite Larses sticking out of infinite Lars’s hair until he pulled his head back in.

Designing new characters requires lots of back and forth and hundreds of drawings. Rebecca asks “why,” not “what”--why are you including something in a character’s design? If it doesn’t contribute to who they are, why is it there?

Influences on the show that may have been missed by some fans include G.I. Joe the animated series, Future Boy Conan, and Mr. Bug Goes to Town.

In response to Deedee requesting a fusion between Pearl and any of Rebecca’s childhood favorite cartoons, she suggests maybe either Bart or Detective Conan, then says she’ll have to think about it and get back to Deedee.

Advice Rebecca Sugar might have given her younger self was that it would be okay and she’d get to tell the story she wanted to tell--but also that she should eat, drink water, and exercise.

One profound thing Rebecca learned while working on the show was that she can be out and bisexual regardless of who she’s with, and that it DOES matter.

One profound thing Ian learned while working on the show was that the story you want to tell doesn’t have to be constrained by the medium--and your fantasy story isn’t necessarily someone else’s fantasy. You can tell your story.

The detailed summary is below!

[Archive of Steven Universe Podcast Summaries]

McKenzie kicks the podcast into gear and starts by asking Rebecca Sugar, Matt Burnett, and Ben Levin about the intentions for the show: what did they think it was going to be, and did it end up being that?

Ben shares an anecdote about how their agent seemed to have thought Steven Universe was based on Rebecca's comic Pug Davis, but then they saw the animatic and it was completely different from what the agent described. Matt felt that the themes and certain important elements of the show were already there from the animatic at the beginning. They were excited to see the show even if they might not end up getting to work on it, and they could tell just from the pilot that there was a lot of mythology to be unearthed. One of Ben's expectations that did not pan out was that he thought there would be more dungeon crawling episodes, but that was not the reality because . . . it turns out episodes like that are really difficult to do.

As for Rebecca, she says she had many goals for the show, and one thing she likes to do with projects is make them about something she hasn't truly figured out yet. The big thing for Steven Universe in Rebecca's mind was the issue of gendered cartoons for children. She felt uncomfortable growing up, because socially she was expected to like what girls like but her favorite things were "for boys," while "girl" cartoons did NOT appeal to her. She felt guilty and weird about it, and so with her cartoon she wanted to attack that at first, use and scramble the language others had used to put her in that position. As she worked on Steven Universe more, she realized that some of the things she wasn't allowed to love as a kid were things she DID love. Learning to understand herself better allowed her to build a better relationship with the symbols and elements of children's cartoons that she could have authentic feelings about. She feels she learned a lot.

Next, McKenzie wants to know which episodes were the most fun to write (or throw ideas around for).

Rebecca quips that she did not learn to have fun until 2016.

Ben says he and Matt had fun though. Their job was to take Rebecca's ideas and figure out how to squeeze her thoughts into 11 minutes. Ben thought it was important to reveal something new about a focus character in each episode. Rebecca thought it was exciting to pace out what to reveal when; she says all the elements were on the table "like a giant puzzle." They had to carefully place when we would understand each thing as the audience before they could do something that built on it. She felt it was "like painting a picture across time." You couldn't do something like "Change Your Mind" at the beginning--you needed all those pieces to get it at all.

Putting yourself in the audience's mind as a writer is important, Ben says. Infodumping doesn't work, and laying the groundwork before you start a story isn't the best way to make a story meaningful. Matt thinks the big story payoffs at the end of season 5 were discussed in the first two weeks of planning, and they all thought it would be so cool to finally get there.

The things that were the most fun were actually the deviations from those stories, though they kept with the themes. The "random idea" episodes that felt more like one-offs were responsible for keeping the energy up, according to Matt. "Steven and the Stevens," for instance, was pretty self-contained (and needed a diagram to keep it together). Rebecca points out that "self-contained" episodes were mostly the goal, but you'd still see a change in the character or get an important piece of information in each one. Steven is LITERALLY not the same character anymore after "Steven and the Stevens."

Weaving the "infodump" stuff into Steven's personal growth was important for the type of story they were writing. They also joke about how certain episode titles were very trollish, like "Last One Out of Beach City" and "Rising Tides, Crashing Skies." (Both of those were definitely NOT "apocalyptic" at all.) They were aware that titles could send a message, but Ben was actually really surprised at the expectations surrounding "Last One Out of Beach City" because for him it was just a Less Than Jake reference. ^___^

They also enjoyed getting to do whole new environments with mini-worldbuilding, like the human zoo. The zoo arc comes up and Rebecca remarks on how much she enjoyed "damseling Greg." She really wanted to do pretty much every princess trope in some way, even that one, and she just loved having the opportunity to have Blue carry Greg away "just like Peach."

McKenzie next asks the group what's something they want people who have watched the whole show so far to come away with at this point.

Ben says he's not sure about others, but he feels the show lets us take home messages of being in touch with your genuine feelings and expressing what they are. Matt agrees with Ben about how the show helps viewers learn to see others' perspectives. They hope people had the opportunity to see themselves represented on the show, and that some people got the opportunity to see representations of people they'd never seen before--and that those people who were newly exposed to folks they'd never thought about before would learn to be more compassionate.

Rebecca wants people to come away with the notion that they must learn to love themselves. That it is close to impossible to connect with others if you haven't learned how to love yourself. Kids deserve to be able to express themselves as long as they aren't destroying themselves or others in the process. She thinks sometimes kids are sent destructive messages about how it isn't okay to be themselves, and that people they trust might be shutting them down, but this show is a message to say it's wrong of them to do that and they deserve the freedom to be who they are and say so. Being allowed to talk about how you feel shouldn't be some kind of fantasy. It should be reality.

The next segment of the podcast involves Kat Morris and Joe Johnston answering fan questions with Rebecca Sugar!

Q: Has there been any thought as to what Fluorite's Gem components are?

A: Joe just immediately says "NO" and Kat teases him, but Rebecca speaks up and says of course she has drawn them all. She gave it to Colin and then says "I don't know where it went." The only thing Rebecca is willing to say about it is "they're fun."

Q: Are Lars and Lion immortal now? Or is their aging process just extremely slowed down?

A: Kat agrees that their aging process is just slow. About as slow as Lars's heartbeat in "Lars' Head." Kat points out that she and Joe have disagreements about what Lars's life is like. She thinks Lars probably lost his sense of taste and only just eats occasionally to sustain his body. Rebecca says "they'll live a really, really long time," and Kat says "longer than they'll want to."

Q: Can Lars do the Lion roar warp thing, or does he have his own power?

A: Kat says he can! They tried to write stories around it but never quite did it. Kat jokes that he can do it if maybe he gets tickled or something. Joe says he can make a warp and he can make a sonic blast with his voice. When they discuss whether he's figured that out yet, Rebecca replies that he WILL figure it out at some point, and when he does, "it'll be REALLY funny. Don't worry about it." They speculate that maybe that's how Lars was getting around doing space pirate stuff (infiltrating the Citrine asteroid and the Cosmic Jubilee), but there's also the fact that he doesn't have a Gem and can't be scanned. They also specify that Lars can indeed walk on water.

Q: Does Lion have the ability to sense Steven somehow? Or did he find Watermelon Steven some other way?

A: Rebecca claims they're in tune, but you can't really pinpoint whether it's magic or whether it's just that animal sense some pets have.

Q: How did you pick the Diamonds' voice actresses?

A: Kat says, "begging?" Rebecca says they knew who they wanted and they agree they wrote passionate letters. Rebecca tells the story of bringing Susan Egan in to do Rose's voice for the first time, but the first time you hear her voice was coming out of the Tiny Floating Whale. Susan did the little "ooo!" noise for it as well as the one line that's spoken in "Rose's Room." She had to explain that Rose was very important later, but for now she just wanted Susan to come voice the whale.

Q: Which Diamond was the most difficult to design? Which was the most fun to design?

A: Rebecca says Blue was the most difficult to design. They took a long time deciding on her hair and what would be "inhuman" about her, and there was a lot of trial and error involved. They actually revealed her cloaked form in "The Answer" before they figured out her hair. Rebecca feels that White might have been the most fun because they had to incorporate so many influences. They're all really influenced by tons of things though: for instance, Blue is influenced by a Martha Graham dance ("Lamentation") and the ghost (Fruma Sarah in a dream) from Fiddler on the Roof.

Yellow is very inspired by Patti LuPone in Evita.

White is inspired by Nell Brinkley and Hedy Lamarr (in Ziegfeld Girl)--the aesthetic of the time, really.

White has many design elements that other characters don't have. The heavy eyelashes, the fingernails, the "perfect thigh gap"--she's supposed to be very different from the others, with "beauty standards" that you haven't seen on other characters, meant to be read as stifling and old. She's even on an actual pedestal with shoes that are actual pedestals.

For Pink, Rebecca describes it as "kind of devastating" that even though we'd gotten the first reveal of Pink when she punched a mirror in Stevonnie's dream and was "contorted with rage," the audience got to see her on a model sheet with her full outfit "looking like a little clown" and people kind of got it instantly. Designs for the Diamonds go back to 2014, though Pink's hair was a little different and "looks like a Truffula tree" according to Rebecca. (Joe says that's why her mural looked spikier, because the early hair designs for Pink were higher.) Rebecca was really excited when they nailed down Pink's hair to look like Steven's hair. Rebecca was excited but Kat was scared.

Q: What inspired you to make Greg?

A: Tom Scharpling! Rebecca used to always listen to Tom's radio show (The Best Show) toward the end of college and she based Greg's character on him. She says Tom is currently doing a thing where he's reviewing every episode of Friends. She felt that during a tumultuous time in her life, moving from New York to LA and being apart from Ian, Tom's voice was a constant and a comfort. On his show, Tom is "more cynical" than Greg, but she describes him as only being mean to meanness, and that even when he's mean it's a "force for good in the world." Being angry is fine as long as you're directing it at other things that are mean, helping to cancel them out. She finds Tom inspiring, and thinks Greg is sort of the result of that cancelled-out meanness. Rebecca also adds that Greg has a lot of her own father in him, and she believes the other Crewniverse folks probably pull in elements of their own dads to write him.

Q: Would another half-Gem/half-human fusion like Steven be possible for another Gem besides Pink Diamond?

A: Pink Diamond couldn't fuse with humans--Steven's unique that way. Pink obviously created Steven (not through fusion), but now Steven is the result of that process and he exists sort of as a bridge. He can fuse with humans because of his humanity, not because of his Gem. He would actually be able to pull other humans into his Fusions with Gems, but he'd have to be there to preserve that connection.

Joe interprets the question a little differently, saying he thinks they're asking whether another hybrid might be possible, and Rebecca says it'd be possible only for a Gem as committed to it as Rose was. She specifies that Rose obviously had the immense power of a Diamond as well as that dedication, so if some other Gem that had a similar level of power and a similar interest in creating an organic child wanted to do it, okay, they could.

Q: If Steven were to die of old age, what would happen to his Gem half?

A: Joe hates this question. Rebecca agrees "that's so grim." She says that Steven is Steven, and he is NOT Steven when he's broken into two pieces. There isn't one without the other. Kat thinks Steven wouldn't die unless he chose to (and might do that if everyone he cared about was gone). Joe apparently hates existential questions and Rebecca sort of comforts him saying the Gems will live and live and live, and that Steven will probably die before them so he won't have to be stranded alive with no friends left.

Q: Is the Jade Fusion from "Together Alone" okay?

A: Yes, she's fine! Rebecca says she got poofed like many other characters have been before, and probably bubbled for what they were doing, but in Era 3 what they were doing is no longer wrong. They will emerge and be allowed to be themselves. Rebecca says, though, that there's also a question of whether they're okay as a person, and that what they went through is really hard to go through. She felt so isolated all that time, and then as soon as they got the courage to emerge in front of other people for the first time they were punished for it, so in that sense she's really kinda not okay. She will have opportunities to heal from her traumas, though, and her future is bright.

Q: Does Obsidian have future vision powers?

A: Rebecca says "Yes" decisively. The others chime in to agree. Rebecca says Obsidian's powers are overwhelming and difficult to handle all at once, though with many components they also have support handling it. The future vision Obsidian experiences is so overwhelming it's almost worthless because it's like noise--it's expanded and cacophonous.

Next, Ian and Rebecca are answering questions submitted by the cast and Crewniverse!

Q (from Zach Callison): What aspects of the characters are inspired by the voice actors?

A: Rebecca says the biggest one is how Pearl became more maternal because of Deedee's influence. She's "such a mom."

The interaction of the cast in the room worked its way into the characters' interaction. She also says Steven's growth from childish to mature for his age came from Zach growing up with him. She describes him as professional, insightful, thoughtful--enough such that adults could take cues from him or aspire to be like him. Ian thinks Zach was really interested in the process and very open to learning from other actors. Steven as an empathetic character was enhanced by Zach's genuine personality. Others who worked with him would be inspired and excited by him, which worked for the authenticity of Steven's vibe too.

Rebecca also noticed that sometimes Michaela or Deedee would cheer Zach up or egg him on, and the way they did those things differently also informed the characters of Amethyst and Pearl when they'd be in similar situations with Steven. They also noticed that if Estelle was there for a recording, everyone would stop and give her space to do her thing, which turned out to be very appropriate for how the others act with Garnet sometimes.

Q (from Matthew Moy): Can Lars go through Lion's mane and vice versa? Would they just fall right back out if they entered?

A: Rebecca points out that she actually answered this recently on the Reddit AMA! First, she wants folks to remember that Steven is the only one who can bring anyone or anything through mane space. Yes, Steven could take Lars into Lion's mane and go over to Lars's tree, but if Lars were to stick his head through the grass there, Lars's head would come out of his own hair. But this would cause infinite Larses to come out of infinite Lars's Heads, until he pulled his head back out.

Q (from Estelle): When you come up with new characters, how much time do you spend revamping the look of each?

A: It's a lot of time. Hundreds of drawings. Ian describes a process of coming up with early characters who didn't have a spot in the story yet, and they'd come up with random looks for them, and then they'd narrow down what specifically that character would need when they learned where they would go. Elements that mean something are retained and elements that do not mean anything will be swapped out. Boarders and designers would all take a crack at the design afterwards. Rebecca says that by the time boarding is happening, they need the character's "shape language" to be nailed down. Rebecca also mentions that many designs just get shelved if they're not really working, like some of the designs for Sardonyx did from before Rebecca realized Sardonyx would be a bombastic nerd, not a stoic and imposing presence. Even after they discovered that, though, the tooth gap was a later addition. Rebecca finds it helpful to ask "why" instead of "what" in design. Why is someone designed the way they are? Everyone will work together to create a design that blends form and function. She usually starts with rough sketches that they'll build off of as a starting point.

Q (from Michaela Dietz): With all the references to other shows (Gurren Lagann, Adventure Time, Revolutionary Girl Utena, etc.), what's a reference fans may have missed?

A: Since they pull from SO many places, it's hard to say, but Ian points out Future Boy Conan (Rebecca identifies a scene where the Quartzes run through Pink Diamond's body as a particular scene that's similar), and Rebecca says the rainbow worm from the Kyanite Colony is inspired by Orbitty (from the 80s Jetsons) and other ugly aliens from the time that were influenced by E.T. Rebecca points out Mr. Bug Goes to Town, an obscure film that nobody really watched because it came out on D-Day. Then Ian mentions the G.I. Joe animated series, how they referenced "It's all a fake-a-roo!" from that. And "Frybo" was a reference to The Thing.

Q (from Deedee Magno Hall): If Pearl could fuse with one of Rebecca's childhood cartoon favorites, who would it be, what would their weapon be, and can we see a drawing?

A: Rebecca says this is REALLY hard because she liked so many cartoons, but she just throws out Bart. Their Fusion would have a skateboard with spikes on the front. Maybe the Fusion would be named Part or Bearl. Or maybe Detective Conan; the Fusion would have all those gadgets. She decided she'd have to keep thinking about it and she'll give Deedee an answer.

Q (from Conrad Montgomery): If you could go back in time to give yourself a bit of advice as you started on "Gem Glow" and the rest of the series, what would it be?

A: Rebecca says she would tell herself to drink more water and exercise, and don't forget to eat. She thinks maybe she would tell herself it was going to be okay, because she didn't know that at the time. She says it may have been helpful at the beginning if she could have known she'd get to finish the story she wanted to tell. She was always anxious that her show would be yanked and she wouldn't get to finish what she'd dreamed up, but she did. She also feels like she was so young at 25 to be doing what she was doing, and maybe she'd like to just turn herself into a 31-year-old.

Ian thinks the show became what it was because of what they were learning along the way, though. If you really could tell people ahead of time what the things they're making are going to turn out like, you don't get to understand the process of something coming back wrong and learning how to deal with that. They feel that created a lot of what was good about the show, the debates and discussions. Rebecca is not sure she would have just said "trust yourself" because sometimes she trusted her team and was grateful for it.

Q (from Rob Sorcher): What is the one most profound thing you learned about yourself as a result of making the series?

A: Rebecca says she didn't understand she could be bisexual and be out. She thought declaring your orientation was about who you were with, not about who YOU were. So even though she was telling stories that spoke to feelings she'd had about partners or potential partners who were NOT Ian, she didn't realize she could claim that and care about that, mostly due to the fact that she'd been repeatedly and strongly told it did not matter. But it does matter. How you feel about yourself and how you experience attraction is a relevant and important thing to be able to embrace. She felt like she was "insane, all the time" because she wasn't supposed to talk about it or was told it wasn't interesting. She was floored when people she had connections with still wanted to be friends with her after she started talking about it, and being open about this aspect of herself has made being alive much easier.

If something matters to you, it matters, period. In terms of cartoons, the incredibly gender-segregated way they were doled out to kids in the 80s and 90s had an effect on Rebecca, and for a long time she didn't know why she so desperately wanted to "scramble" that. She finally found ways to discuss how uncomfortable she was being told that she had to be a woman when she was not. She realized through making her cartoon that though she had plenty of wells to pull from, this particular well was one she hadn't been able to speak about, so she did it through this medium and chose this as one of her stories. It's certainly not the only one she has to tell. She reiterates that she is bisexual and nonbinary, and though the language for that might change in the future, "that's what's going on" with her.

Ian's "profound thing" was that he realized you can share a message without being limited by the expected confines of your medium. For example, he knows that if he claims to be making a science fiction/fantasy cartoon, people will have preconceived notions of what that means, but maybe for some people, a major fantasy is just being told it's okay to be who they are, or living in a world where being who they are is okay. You don't have to worry about whether your reasons for making this art will satisfy someone else's reasons for watching it. Rebecca agrees, and says other people's "escapist" fantasies seemed really one-dimensional to her, never satisfying what SHE would like to escape to, but she realized she'd been holding contempt for escapism in general because of that, which dissolved when she was able to explore hers. There is a place for her, there is a dream she can have, and she no longer resented other people for having theirs. Sometimes a fantasy is about even getting to dream in the first place instead of just being fed these ideas of what you're supposed to want.

Everyone should get to have a dream and say it out loud.

[Archive of Steven Universe Podcast Summaries]

[tomishaped]

Rating:

Explicit

Archive Warnings:

Graphic Depictions Of Violence • Major Character Death

Category:

M/M

Fandom:

Supernatural

Relationship:

Dean Winchester!Izzy Hlton

Characters:

Dean Winchester • Izzy Hilton • Sam Winchester • Asmodeus • Dagon • Demons • Hellhound • Ellen Harvelle • Jo Harvelle • Hunters • Crowley • Charlie Bradbury • Bobby Singer • Ruby • Death • Pestilence • Famine • War • Castiel • Angels • Cain

Additional Tags:

Demon Dean Winchester • Demon Sex • Kidnapping • Gay Sex • Blood • Blood Kink • Hate Sex • Love/Hate • Major Character Injury • Major Original Character(s) • Character Death • Past Child Abuse • Past Rape/Non-con • Past Sexual Abuse • Past Torture • Past Violence • Canon-Typical Violence • Violence • Protective Dean Winchester • Bisexual Dean Winchester • Top Dean Winchester • Dean Winchester is Bad at Feelings • Izzy is too • Emotional Hurt/Comfort • Emotional/Psychological Abuse

Summary: After being pulled out of hell Dean realizes quickly that the four months he had been gone made way for a lot of changes in the lives of everyone he knows, including the life he had known for himself before he died. Nobody was treating him the same, and there was seriously something going on with his brother that he could not figure out. He was spending most of his time alone nowadays, not really hunting anymore since Bobby and Sam were against it for him, and spending most of his time drinking instead to try and forget. He was angry, pretty much all the time. That anger really worked in his favour though when walking back to the impala he came across a freaking hoard of demons getting ready to attack some blond chick. He didn't know who she was or what the hell all the demons wanted with her, but there was no way he could just walk away. Maybe if he had any idea what trying to save this person was going to lead too he would have just walked away, maybe if he had actually given any thought to the situation before him he wouldn't have put himself in the middle of it, but even before hell he made impulsive and rash decisions... so maybe not.

Previous Chapters

• Chapter One •

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Chapter Two: Welcome to the Batcave

Part One

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When they had reached the car Dean made quick work of the door locks and got them both inside before he punched it, only leaving squealing tires and smoke behind them as they took off. Dean didn’t start to relax till they were a mile or so away from the group of demons, still keeping an eye on the mirrors though just in case. “You really pissed someone off," he said with a grin as he glanced over at the other while he drove.

Izzy did manage to force himself to relax once they were in the car, though Dean still happened to look tense with the way he was looking out his mirrors for someone. Honestly, it probably helped the demon to relax with the fact that Izrael couldn't feel Dagon as close anymore. She was either losing interest or losing track of them for now, either way that worked for him. "Huh?" He was honestly confused at first when Dean said that, "Why would you think I pissed some- oh! Because of all that? Right. Yeah. They don't seem to fond of me, do they? I should probably stop crashing into their parties like that." 

Izrael shifted in the seat a little and rolled his eyes when he saw the man look out his mirrors again, "You can stop doing that now. We're fine, mommy lost us," he said with a shrug, leaning back in the seat again, trying to get comfortable. He was ready to get out of the Winchesters car now, and he would really like to do it without having to kill the hunter next to him in order to keep him from following or trying to track him. Even if he didn't have an issue with killing humans, he didn't know which way Dean's soul would go now and having it back in the pit after he killed him could possibly become… problematic. "So uh, yeah, you can just drop me off whenever now and can go get back too… whatever the hell you were doing before joining me at that lovely party tonight. I'm actually supposed to be at a different party right now anyways, so anywhere is good."

Dean snickered when the other said that they had crashed a few parties, it made sense. He did raise an eyebrow when he was told that the horde had backed off of them. Granted he hadn’t noticed any one but still, he never trusted demons to give up. “To be honest, I was out looking for a good time… guess I found it,” he said with a wicked grin, still feeling a bit of an adrenaline high from the fight and sprint to the car. “Rest of my evening is open if you want some back up,” he offered the blond. “Not saying you can’t handle yourself, I saw your moves back there but… twenty to one is a bit much,”  he said while giving him a bit of a doubtful side look. 

This is what Dean thought of as a good time? The human was either suicidal or crazy. Sure, Izzy did have fun doing shit like this too, but he was a demon- he was fucking crazy. "Mmm, yeah… it was a bit much till you showed up. Definitely would have ended up losing this jacket," Izrael laughed a little at Dean and shook his head, "See, I haven't gone and learned my lesson yet it seems since I'm definitely gonna be crashing one of their parties again. Gotta find it first though, and I can't do that in a strangers car."

Dean raised an eyebrow when the blond mentioned that they weren’t done yet and was looking to start a similar party to where he just found them. Ok sure he had been doing stupid stuff since he got back but he had an excuse. He was trying to repress what felt like forty years of Hell - literal Hell. So what was this kid's excuse? She might be crazy, but her crazy was also kinda hot and hunters like this don’t tend to stick in one place long because of the next big hunt. Besides, too often if they stayed in one place for long then all the enemies they made along the way had a tendency to catch up to them. “I can drop you off wherever your next party is so you don’t get jumped on the way again…” Dean trailed off a little as he drove, “could at least tell me your name before you get yourself killed.”

Izrael smiled at the hunter. "Why would I give someone I've never met in this life my name? Doesn't sound too smart. Besides, I don't see you passing over that information either."

Dean grinned. “Sorry, thought you picked it up before things got hairy. Names Dean, Dean Winchester," he said as he held a hand out to shake as he drove, glancing at the blond but mostly keeping his eyes on the road. “You know demons can’t keep their big mouths shut, if your next party is anything like that one, they’re going to be ready for you and you’re going to lose more than your jacket, sweetheart," he said in a matter of fact tone. “Might be a better idea to show up with back up and armed to the teeth,” he offered with a mischievous grin. “Lucky for you I know the perfect place.”

His excuse? His absolute only memories were of hell. Turning into a demon the way he had had wiped out all his human memories and the little demon only knew the last sixty years he had spent in hell training to do just this. He wasn't trying to repress hell, why repress when it was all he knew? He was just doing what Asmodues sent him off to do, and with the youngest prince of hell being the closest person to the blond and having nothing else to really do… he listened. He enjoyed killing other demons, it was a task he found fun. But when your job is to kill any demon that stands against the man you're working for, you don't exactly make any friends. And being alone only gave him more time to hunt down Asmodues's enemies. It was a vicious never ending cycle that wasn't going to change anytime soon as far as Izrael could tell. Hell either hated him, feared him, or admired him from afar - very afar. No one was brave enough to chance getting on Izzy's bad side. And those that were like the hoard tonight that actually tried to kill him were just too stupid to stay away and deserved to die anyways as far as he was concerned. 

Of course he knew who Dean was once he heard his name. But the hunter didn't need to know that Izrael had heard of him. He eyed the other’s hand for a moment before he sighed and half gave in to the man, though didn't reach his own hand out, "Izzy Hilton," he said, using the name that Asmodues had given him for when he had to pretend to be human. Though he had no idea that it actually was his name. That Asmodues called him Izrael to see if any of the once nineteen year old’s memories would spark with little clues like that. It never did. "They're always on the lookout for me… wouldn't be anything new…" he said with a little shrug, getting the gut feeling that this hunter was not about to let him go off on his own anytime soon. The last thing the little demon needed was to do spend time with a fucking Wincester, especially the one that spent all that time in hell. "No offense, but I don't really work with others. Thanks for the help back there and everything, but you're Dean Winchester… so you and I working together is a bad idea. Trust me."

With both hands back on the wheel, Dean snorted when Izzy said that demons watching out was nothing new. He understood that, that's what made the Bunker so beautiful. It was the definition of a safe house for spooky shit and basically everything else. He sucked some air between his teeth when it seemed the other knew who he was by name, having heard some of the stuff hunters thought of him while he was putting in time at the Roadhouse. “Fair, I mean we did just meet and I also just saved your ass from a fucking gaggle of demons, but okay,” he said, half joking. “We don’t know each other, and inviting you to my secret Men of Letters bunker can seem a little Silence of the Lambs but I promise, imma damn puppy dog compared to your normal party guests,” he said,.  Ane yes, he did just name drop the Men of Letters to see if that helped his case. Dean wasn’t a creep and if Izzy wanted out he’d drop them off wherever they wanted but all horn-dog habits aside, he wouldn’t rest well if he did. He’d probably end up asking around and looking into this pretty Izzy Hilton to see what her story was about. “Again, I know bunker can be off putting, but this place is huge, over twenty bedrooms to pick from. It’s armed to the teeth so nothing is getting in. I have one of the few keys to get in but you can get out whenever you like,” he added, trying to seem a little less kidnappy and rapey. “That and there's a hundred year old whiskey collection.”

Izzy had absolutely zero ideas of what other hunters thought of the man he was currently sitting next too. Up until now, he had done a really good job at avoiding them in his travels and work. Sure, to be on the safe side he did do some research on hunters who seemed to be the biggest threats but until now he hadn't actually met any of them. So, right now he couldn't figure out if it was just bad fucking luck that Dean Winchester happened to walk in on his ambush, or some weird good luck to get him out of it unharmed. Even after over fifty years as a demon, almost sixty now maybe? He honestly had never actually hurt a human. So did he deserve this kind of bad luck? On the other hand though, can demons actually have good luck? It was really confusing. 

Fact was, Izzy only knew of Dean Winchester from the mouths of other demons. His research on hunters in general was by word of mouth in hell. It wasn't like there were any books he could read on them. So he knew the man was obviously a good hunter, and not just when it came to demons. He knew the idiot sold his soul to save that dumbass brother of his that was hanging around one of the main demons on his own hit list. It was just really hard to get to the bitch when she was being protected by the hunter drinking demon blood. He only knew that from actually running across her once, he could fucking smell the demon blood radiating from the human she was with and it didn't take long to figure out who that human was and what fucking Ruby was doing with him. Little Sammy Winchester. Lovely. He also knew the man next to him spent what was like forty years in hell, being tortured for most of them by fucking Alastair. It had come as a surprise when he heard that there was some sort of angel watching out for him. Well, the angel part wasn't really known when he figured it out. It was just known that the man was pulled out of hell and Izrael knew that an Angel was the only way the man could have escaped hell and returned to his body the way he had. And really, he would prefer to avoid angels. Most demons weren't really that much of a threat to him. They could likely hurt him but Izzy was not easy to actually kill. Not that they had quite figured that out yet. But he had no idea what an angel might be able to do to him. 

Izrael couldn't remember his own torture. He actually had no idea it even happened. Ever since the day Asmodues found his newly turned demon in that cage he kept his pet in, the youngest prince acted as though that was the first day of Izzy's life. He didn't even know that he was in that cage because of that man in the first place. "I'm not afraid of you, Dean, even though I'm pretty damn sure you're no puppy dog," Izzy told him with a little roll of his eyes, the man who had spent his last few years in hell torturing other souls was far from a puppy. But he had caught Izzy's attention mentioning the Men of Letters. He vaguely remembered Asmodues mentioning them decades ago. Something about them being all dead now… about them holding knowledge no one else had. Going to this bunker… could prove useful if the knowledge thing was true.

Izzy finally looked over at Dean again, tucking hair behind his ears, "Well whiskey is always a very good and tempting offer," he said, chewing on his lip a little as he thought it over. "If you're all armed like you say you are… Do you also have books and shit? Like, books on demons and shit." Izzy knew he had been turned differently than almost every other demon that existed, he had to have been to have his own body and no ability whatsoever to jump from one meatsuit to the next, but he had no idea what happened to make him this way. And no book he had found since being set loose on the world had been able to give him the answer he was looking for. If this bunker had hidden knowledge it might be his best bet to find out how he turned, because Asmodues wasn't telling him anytime soon. "And I really wouldn't have to just stay if I don't want to. I can just walk out? Seriously?"

Dean just grinned when the other said he was pretty sure he wasn’t a puppy, calling him out like that. And he believed them when they said that they weren’t scared of him, he did find her in the middle of a demon infested alleyway in the middle of the night. His grin grew when Izzy seemed to be mulling the thought over. He raised an eyebrow and chanced a longer glance at the other when he was asked about books. That he hadn’t been expecting, didn’t peg her for a book type. There might be something they were looking for specifically that the old bats had locked away. He would definitely be doing an inventory check but hey it sounded like they were coming around to the idea. A new face and alone time might do him some good, even if they don't get handsy and this Izzy turned out to be a gigantic book worm. 

“Like I said you need a magic key to get in but getting out isn’t a problem, locks behind you but I gotta warn you the cell service sucks,” he said with a smile. He altered his route and started out of town and toward the bunker. The long ride was pretty much silent after that, Dean was honestly a bit too nervous to say something and have the blond change her mind about coming. He couldn't help wanting to help her, wanting to figure her out at least a little. From wanting to protect the little thing and knowing that he would just worry about them at this point. “Just don’t take anything, alright? Not really supposed to take people to the BatCave but…” he trailed off with a shrug after he parked by the bunker, obviously making an exception for the blond right now. 

Izzy shrugged when he mentioned cell service, that meant pretty much nothing to him. Of course he knew what a cell phone was, he had been in this world long enough. But he never felt the need to get one. Who the hell was he gonna call? "No big deal, no cell phone. I was serious, I've never worked with someone else before. Never felt the need to get one," he shrugged, as little like it was normal or something to not have a cell this day and age. He honestly didn't actually know either way though. "And I don't plan on taking anything. I've got my own weapons and shit. Just… looking for a little info is all. If you happen to have a book with what I want to know, well, then I won't really need it anymore once I read it." He ignored the Bat Cave comment for the moment, not wanting to let the hunter next to him realize he actually understood the reference. He especially didn't want him to know he found it amusing.

Dean decided to leave Baby in a little hidden knook they made for when they didn’t plan on staying long and putting her in the very nice garage. He just grinned as they walked up to the old green doors after grabbing a bag from the trunk and he pulled it open for the other. Once past the first threshold Dean unlocked the second doors and stepped through, holding it open for the other. “This is the legacy of the Men of Letters, a bit old and dusty but we’re still fixing the place up.” he said as they made their way down the spirling, metal staircase. He walked past the light up map table and tossed his bag on the first long table in the library. “Wanna tour?” he asked as he turned to the other, smiling at them.

He just wanted a fucking book that explained how humans became demons. Without their souls spending hundreds of years tortured in hell. Asmodues had no choice but to tell him that he turned differently than everyone else when he realized he couldn't just jump from meat suit to meat suit like everyone else could. His soul never left his body, something in him changed while he was still a human. But that was all Asmodues would say on the subject. Honestly it was the one thing about the man who called himself Izzy's master that drove him absolutely insane. He didn't care so much about whatever his human life was since he couldn't miss what he didn't remember or had any sort of idea what it might have been like, but he did want to know why he turned into a demon. Was he evil in his previous life? Is that how it worked? He remembered someone once saying that he must have cracked to change the way he did, but cracked from what and how? He just wanted to know how the fuck he came into existence. What made him so different from other demons. Why even Dagon, who knew that Izzy couldn't kill her without that oh so special gun, feared him to some extent. And nothing he had found so far explained any of that shit. Was he a bookworm? Mmm, debatable. Ask any demon who knew him they'd say no,, but Izzy was really good at keeping things about himself pretty damn secret. The less people knew the less they had on you and the safer you were. But the truth was that he did love books, loved to read and learn. And now that he wasn't under Asmodues' thumb at all times and had a mission to carry out, he was able to use research for said mission as an excuse to read. Sure, he was actually doing research but for so much more than anyone actually knew. 

Izzy was a bit unsure following Dean into the bunker when they got there. This could be a really, really stupid idea. But on the other hand… he was going to have info on the Winchester's no one else could possibly dream of having and he might get a few other answers out of this as well so he followed along. He looked around as Dean led him through the place, tilting his head and letting a confused little look cross his face as he tilted his head back to see the ceiling, "Uh, sure, if you want. So, do you keep the bats in some special room or something? I kinda just pictured them all over the place."

Her not havung a phone probably should have set off more red fags then it did because even if you were a loner it was useful to have one since pay phones were all but extinct. He tilted his own head when Izzy had mentioned bats, that had been a reaction he might have expected from Cas but really? “It’s not really a batca-... never mind. This is our fortress,” he said, just trying to get past what he felt was a painful moment. He turned on his heel and held up his arms out on either side as he gestured to the books. “This is the library. Nothing says stuffy bookworms like having a library right at the front door right?” He said with a laugh, turning completely to face the other as he walked around one of the tables. 

If Izrael actually cared much about completely blending in when he was going by Izzy he probably would have gotten a cell phone. But truth be told, he didn't actually care what humans thought about him and despite Asmodues having insisted he play the part on earth he could probably count on one hand how many times he had ever used the name Izzy before. Since he usually avoided hunters he rarely ever felt the need too. So really… What was the point of carrying around a little electronic box used to call people? The only person who would ever actually want to get ahold of him had his own ways of doing so. But even Asmodues left Izzy to himself for the most part nowadays as long as he kept doing what he was told and continued to work his damnedest to keep Lucifer in his box. Though if he had realized how odd it actually was to not have one, he wouldn't have mentioned it. 

Of course it wasn't actually a Bat Cave. It almost annoyed him that the hunter found it so easy to believe that the batman reference really meant nothing to the blond. Sure, part of him was glad too because he didn't want the fact that he enjoyed those comics to be known by anyone, but still… how stupid did this hunter think he really was if he believed that Izzy? He was pretty sure that Batman was popular among humans. It was the Winchester thinking he was dumb that bothered him more than anything though, because that was just not true. Izzy had always been rather smart, even before he turned, he had a near photographic memory. But with all memories of humanity gone, and those memories being from close to sixty years before anyways, all that was left was hell and the supernatural. And he figured that shit out quickly, easily. Humans, not so much. Humanity and what they were like and what they did like were never on his list of things he needed to learn about. Humans weren't his targets. "No offense, but you don't exactly strike me as the bookworm type," he said, moving around the table to go and look at the spines of the books, fingers running lightly over them. Yeah, this would definitely be his best bet at finding answers. Some of these were obviously old as fuck. "The kill first and ask questions later type. Though I suppose since all you hunters go after everything supernatural, you need the lore books, huh?" He personally didn't bother with any other supernatural beings, just the demons on Lucifer and Dagon's side. Which was probably a good thing for them, if this little demon were to ever start working as a real hunter with someone like Dean… they wouldn't stand a chance. As they had proved earlier… the two of them working on the same side had some pretty nasty consequences for those fighting against them. 

Dean chuckled when Izzy said he didn’t seem like the book worm type, oh hell no that was Sammy’s department. “Yeah no, that's more my brother's thing,” he said as he walked over to the opposite wall, towards the small table with a few bottles filled clear, brown liquid and a few glasses. “I at least wait long enough to see what I'm fighting so I know how to kill it.” Dean poured them a few glasses and headed to the closest main table to the blond. He leaned against it on his hip and took a sip from his glass while he held out the other to Izzy. The other’s wording did strike him as odd though and he raised an eyebrow a little. The way he said it was just off, but Dean wanted to think Izzy was just into demons, and therefore could know some pretty useful stuff. That or maybe he was really green and thought of himself being different from regular hunters. His gut was telling him something was still off though, but he wasn’t sure what.

Izzy was glad his back was to the hunter when he mentioned his brother so he didn't see the little demon roll his eyes and scowl at the mention of that junkie who was seriously getting in his way with that bitch he was attached to. He was pretending he didn't really know much about them… which wasn't a complete lie, but he had a serious suspicion he knew something about the younger Winchester that Dean didn't. He might know about the demon bitch Sam hung out with but he highly doubted this man knew about the blood and psychic shit that boy was playing with. The psychic shit was honestly the main reason he hadn't gone after Ruby yet, he wasn't like other demons, he had no idea how Sam's little exercising shit would affect him. 

“You know, you never mentioned what you were looking into. I’m guessing something demon related,” he mentioned to the other. There wasn’t much small talk on the car ride over.

He didn't say anything for a bit while Dean spoke and walked around the room, more interested in looking through the shelves of books for anything that looked promising. But he never let his guard down really, constantly aware of where Dean was around him or how close he was. He stiffened a bit when he felt Dean closer again and he asked that direct question. Izzy didn't really want to answer anything he was asked, but avoiding taking to him too much might just seem more suspicious. Fuck. He really should have paid more attention to the humans around him the last decade, he was really bad at trying to be one. "Yeah, demon related," Izzy finally said as he turned around and saw Dean holding out the whiskey he had promised. Alcohol didn't really affect him as much as it did humans unless he drank an ungodly amount so he wasn't worried about drinking at least. 

He took the glass offered to him and leaned against the bookshelf behind him, shrugging his shoulder a little, "Don't know if you picked up on it during that whole ambush shit, but I kinda hunt demons. Apparently I'm pretty good at it since they don't seem to like me much at all." He took a drink from the whiskey he was given, relishing in the burn that goes down his throat. As a demon, the little blond didn't need to eat. The few times he did were few and far between and it was always for some reason he couldn't figure out, but knew he just wanted whatever the hell it was that he was trying. But he did like to drink. Alcohol that is. He liked the burn. 

"Just curious what kind of people become demons and how. Always good for a guy to know everything he can about his enemies and all, yanno?" It wasn't a lie. He had actually been avoiding actually lying to the hunter. Izzy didn't like to lie, it was too hard to remember the fake information he had given to who. So the only thing he had lied about was his name, but that wasn't that big of a lie as Izzy did sound like a nickname for Izrael. Mostly, he was just leaving out details he didn't think Dean needed to know. Like the fact he was a demon and really just wanted to know how he, himself, had turned. How demons like him were made. Because as far as the books he had found about demons elsewhere knew, Cain was the only other person to become a demon this way. And almost nothing was fucking known about that man. As a matter of fact, he was the one demon who no matter how hard he tried Izzy could not fucking find. Not that he had really looked into how to find him. He didn't want to kill Cain like he did with everyone else he hunted down, he wanted answers. But even so, he knew Cain wasn't exactly like him and probably didn't have the answers he wanted. So that had just been another fucking dead end. The little blond didn't do a whole lot of shit that he actually wanted to do or something anyways, ninety percent of his time was spent following Asmodues' orders to hunt down Dagon's followers and make sure Lucifer didn't get out of that cage. 

Dean nodded a little when the other confirmed that it was demon related, easy guess. “You don’t pick up that kind of attention without being a major pain in their ass,” he said with a snicker. The man's shoulders stiffened when he took another drink when Izzy said what he was looking into. What kind of people become demons. He forced back a smile and shifted a little as he tried to keep his mind focused on the task at hand and not let it run off with the flashbacks and nightmares he has. It felt like every time he blinked he was hit with a flash of something he’d seen or had done. He told everyone he didn't’ remember any of it and refused to talk about it and self medicated with liquor like any good hunter.

Well duh, obviously he was a pain in their asses. Two dozen of them had actually gotten together without someone in power telling them what to do to try and take him out. They failed, miserably thanks to the hunter near him right now, but it didn't negate the fact that Izzy was a huge threat to them and their plans. Really though, if the whole fucking lot of them just fucking stopped trying to set Lucifer free Izzy would have no problem leaving them alone. But until that happened…. He had a job to do. What the hell would he do with himself if Asmodeus actually managed to take the crown and this mission was over? He'd actually never thought about that before. Every single memory he had had something to do with him having to keep Lucifer in the cage. 

“Well demons are mostly twisted and tortured souls. You get twisted up so much down there you turn into something else,” he said, rubbing at his brow as he fidgeted a little as he spoke. “At the end of the day they're a spirit, just nastier. You don’t normally catch one running around before they possess someone but the same tricks apply, salt and iron,” he told him, running off a few things off the top of his head, mostly from first hand experience. “I’m sure you know all about devils traps and all that,” he said, waving his hand and finally looking over at the other. It was probably a good thing Dean had been so caught up with that Izzy was looking into that he completely missed the suspicious pronoun.

Izzy couldn't help but roll his eyes at Dean when the man just told him shit he already knew. Was he actually under the impression that someone he thought was a legit demon hunter didn't know that shit already? Also. He was wrong. While holy water did have the same effect on him that it did to most demons, salt and iron actually didn't bother him for some reason. Every single voice in his head was screaming at him to keep his mouth shut for a while, to not get sucked into this conversation. But the thing was… he actually wanted to talk about this shit. He never talked with anyone about shit he actually wanted too. Demons avoided him unless they were trying to kill him, he avoided humans and hunters, and Asmodues pretty much just told him what to do. The little demon didn't actually have any memories of just talking with someone about something he was interested in. And this happened to be the biggest fucking intrest he really had right now.

"See, right there just proves you really have no fucking clue what you're actually dealing with, do you? Obviously being tortured in hell is going to fuck up any soul in some way, but not every soul in hell becomes a demon. This world would be fucked if they did. There are millions and millions of souls in hell." He only just stopped himself from pointing out that despite Dean's own torture and escapades with Alastair he didn't actually turn into a demon. No, a fucking angel actually came and pulled him from the pit. So what the hell was it that made some souls twist the same way he had even though he hadn't gone through that die and be tortured shit and made others just… well, be tortured for all eternity. Or torture as was the case with some. "Yeah, most of them are just nastier twisted spirits, and you don't normally see one walking around without someone else's meat suit… but they can. It's apparently super fucking rare for it to happen, but a human can just wake up a demon somehow. In their own skin and everything. So I want to know what makes the souls that twist that way different from those that don't. What kind of person they must have been. And what happens to those people who turn? How does that happen? But unfortunately, because it's so fucking rare, I haven't been able to find a single book in the last ten years that actually explains that shit." He sighed a little in frustration at the thought before just shaking his head and finishing the rest of his own drink before he turned his back to Dean again to start looking through the books again, waving his own hand in dismissal of the subject. Dean wasn't going to have the answers he wanted obviously. "But yes, of course I know all about devils traps. I just don't use them." He couldn't if he wanted too, not unless he wanted to get stuck inside one himself. Besides, even if he could… with the way he hunted, it would be pretty damn useless and time consuming to try since it was usually a sneak attack/ambush of his own on their own grounds. Wasting time with a devils trap when it was just so much easier to kill them just seemed stupid. "Do you have any sort of order with these books or am I gonna have to look through all of them to find the ones about demons?"

Dean was a little taken back when Izzy said that he had no clue about demons. He felt anger rise up in his belly and his face tightened some. His pride didn’t like that but the built up emotion subsided the more Izzy spoke. He did have a point, if that’s all it took then Hell would be nothing but demons. He never really focused on the fine details, he just killed them. His face became a mix of surprises and doubt when Izzy kept going and told him about the type of demons that keep their bodies. What the hell? He’d never heard of something like that before, what the hell could it be capable of? It was a worrying thought. “This keeps getting better and better,” Dean muttered under his breath. He couldn't stop his brain from thinking about his younger brother on his road trip with his little demon buddy. What if that was Ruby's plan, twist his brother into one of them? He’d fucking gank that bitch before she could try. He wanted to call and check up but that hadn’t gone so well last time. 

He made a small face when Izzy asked about an order to the crazy amount of information. He finished his half glass of whiskey and pushed off of the table, setting the glass down before walking away. “I have a feeling what we’re looking for isn’t in here, come on,” He said, motioning the other to follow him with a head nod. He led the blond down the hall a bit, through another doorway and down some stairs. He pushed one of the two heavy doors open and held it open for the other hunter. “When we started going through the stuff that was left here we found that most of the heavy reading books are in here,” He told him. The room was about 25 by 25 feet, metal shelving lined all the walls filled with books and some jars. There was a decent sized table in the middle of the room under the only light, taking up a good chunk of the free space. 

Dean just nearly kidnapped the little blond he helped out that he knew nothing about other than the fact he could kill demons pretty damn well and brought him to his secret bunker and he thought anything that came out of this idea wouldn't be completely fucked? Hell. He was pretty damn sure that Dean didn't even realize yet that he hadn't stepped in to help a pretty little girl, but actually a boy who just happened to look a lot like one. Add on to that fact that this boy was also one of those freaky ass demons he was just talking about and you could see clearly that this man definitely hadn't thought this through. "You have no idea," Izzy mumbled back, not sure or honestly even caring if Dean heard him. 

Izzy set down the glass still in his hand before he shrugged again and followed Dean through the bunker. Fuck. This place really was huge. Izzy couldn't help but grin a little when he looked into the room. Dark. Enclosed. No way for anyone to try and sneak up on him again. Exactly the kind of rooms he liked and usually worked in when he was looking for a party to crash. "Awesome," he said as he walked in the room. Creepy jars and big old books lining the walls on top of everything else, Izzy had instantly and probably noticeably relaxed more when he was in the room that was so much like a place he would actually want to be in. He didn't say anything else as he started scanning the books on one of the shelves, his eyes widening some when he saw what he instantly felt like he had been looking for for years now. It was smaller than any of the other books in here, but that wasn't surprising considering how little information there probably was at all on demons like him. Humans Turning Demon. 

Izzy grabbed the book off the shelf and took a few steps backwards to push himself up to sit on the table, just remembering that Dean was there as he went to open the book. "Uhm… thanks," he said, forcing himself to remember that he was supposed to be a human and actually used to having someone around and even weirder for him- that someone helping him. "Hey… uh, why are you being so like… nice and normal to me? As far as I've seen, people aren't just nice to strangers. Especially when said stranger is a pretty boy who can shove a knife into a human skull."

Dean noticed the small change in the others' demeanor when he showed them the room. The room didn’t bother him or his brother too much but ‘awesome’ wasn’t the normal reaction to this stuff. Though in this line of work, who’s really normal? You see a lot of weird and horrible shit fast and you pick up a few quirks along the way. He had half turned when  the other called out to him and thanked him, he was going to leave Izzy alone to do their digging. He raised an eyebrow when he was asked why he was being so helpful. He opened his mouth with a grin to say it was just the right thing to do for a lady when Izzy said that last part, his words luckily getting caught up in his throat. BOY!? WHOLY FUCK!! Dean’s back straightened as he looked the other over again. It took him a second or two to catch himself and he cleared his throat out a little. “Well you want demons dead and I want demons dead,” he said with a shrug, his brain still trying to absorb this enlightening new detail about the blond. “And I learned about a new fleshy kind of demon, win win,” Dean chuckled. Hell all of Dean seemed stiff. Right now, he honestly didn’t know what the fuck to do.

[fiiore-blogs]

( lorenzo zurzolo , 20 , cismale ) i  just  bumped  into  fiore  gattuso  the  other  day  while  walking  down  north  kingsboro , where  he  lives . i  hear  they  can  be  charming  and  narcissistic , but  when  i  think  of  them  i  immediately  think  of  bloodshot  baby  blue  eyes , luxury  brands , an  enchanting  smile ( ari , 21 , she / her , est ) 

tw : homophobia , abuse

full  name : fiore emiliano luca gattuso ( first name pronounced fee-oh-reh, also see here! )

nicknames : fifi, emmy ( by people who know his middle name ), some people might say… flower boy ( fiore literally means flower in italian ) 😳

gender : cismale

height :  5 ′ 8

age : 20

birthday : may 30 , 2000

zodiac : gemini ( aries moon, libra ascendant )

right  handed  or  left  handed : left  handed

eye  color : baby blue

hair  color : basically dark blonde / light brown

piercing  &  tattoos : the gemini symbol on his left wrist, a cartilage piercing on his right ear

languages  spoken : italian  ( native  tongue ), english, spanish, pretty decent sicilian

sexuality : bisexual / biromantic

place  of  birth : livorno , tuscany , italy

last  3  songs  listened  to : dimmi che mi ami by dj matrix, almeno stavolta by nek, west coast by lana del rey

character  inspo : kat hernandez from euphoria ( huge muse ! ), adam groff from sex education ( think season 2 adam ), alyssa foley from the end of the fucking world, maeby funke from arrested development, lucrecia montesinos from elite

♡ so fiore was born to a spanish mother named martina & a fully italian father named gian gattuso in tuscany, but they later moved to rome when he was around four years old. his mother is a very well known politician & his father is a billionaire, heir of several gas, water & electric companies all over europe. besides that, he is also a preacher and very involved in church. both his parents are very well off financially

♡ fiore grew up with anything he’s ever wanted ( materialistically, of course ). besides that, his parents genuinely weren’t the best of people. his mother stole millions from the so called campaigns she ran & was a very corrupt politician, his father treated his employees like shit & was a pretty hateful person altogether

♡ they were people who expected a lot out of their only son, which made fiore feel an insane amount of pressure from the very start. at a very young age, he showed characteristics lots of boys his age didn’t show. he did things like peeing while sitting down instead of standing up, preferred to play with dolls instead of ‘boy toys’, favored the color pink, got along better with girls, preferred to watch shows that were considered ‘girly’, etc etc.

♡ they were very harmless things honestly, things that most parents would laugh about & turn a blind eye. however, fiore really wasn’t that lucky when it came to them any time he would do anything they claimed a ‘normal boy wouldn’t do’, he would get a huge lecture & a beating to go with it. needless to say, he learned to hide a lot of who he really was from a very young age

♡ he did a lot of things to seek the approval of his parents. he wasn’t smart academically ( dumb boi 101 tbh ), but he tried to make them happy in other ways. fiore was never fond of sports at all, but he started playing tennis when he was five, because it made his parents happy. truth be told, he hated tennis with every fiber of his being, but again, he did this, simply because it satisfied his parents

♡ he grew up trying to be the perfect son, often times putting himself in situations he didn’t want to be in or felt uncomfortable doing because he wanted them to be proud, but honestly? it was like? never enough. it was all smiles for the pictures, but behind closed doors, he really was pretty damn miserable

♡ simply put, he has always known that he likes boys. he likes girls too, don’t get him wrong, but he knew, literally since he could remember, that he also had a thing for guys too. of course, he was aware that this wouldn’t settle well at all with his extremely strict & unfortunately, very close minded parents, so he buried his feelings incredibly deep

♡ he has a lot of charm & wit & found himself getting into relationships quicker than most of his friends. he briefly dated a girl when he was fourteen, but it was when he was sixteen that things really began getting pretty #spicy

♡ there was a romanian boy new to his very #elite school & if you guessed it, they began to date! his first boyfriend at sixteen years old. fiore was basically living two lives at this point, sneaking around with a guy behind his parents’ back, but when he got home, the facade began. the way he would switch up as soon as he entered the front door to his house was honestly shockingly scary

♡ he really felt himself falling in love with this boy even though they were both fairly young. they snuck around forever. when no one was home, he would sneak him into his room to have sex, sneak out of his house when his parents were asleep, all that fun stuff. their relationship was forbidden ( at least to fiore’s parents ), but things go downhill pretty fast

♡ so one day, fiore & him get really really drunk & honestly? video record themselves having sex fjkgnfv they didn’t do this to post it anywhere or show anyone or anything, they really just did it for themselves. they made a few copies ( stupid boys, i know rip ), but they really felt like they would get married & all that gooey lovey dovey shit so they did it because yolo i guess? this was a pretty big mistake though

♡ one day fiore & him are walking back from his tennis practice. this is a time where fiore knows no one is home & no one is coming home for a while, so when they get to his house & see his father’s car parked outside, he lowkey panics a little. of course he makes the guy leave & goes inside to see what’s going on

♡ his father asks him to come upstairs & surprisingly, leads him into his room. this is when fiore’s entire life practically changes forever. his father turns on his tv & legit starts playing his sex tape with his boyfriend. just picture this though; your extremely homophobic, close minded & hateful father & you sitting on your bed, watching your gay sex tape with your boyfriend

♡ obviously, this news isn’t well taken by his father. to make a long story short, he gets his ass beat. like, literally almost dies type shit. when this happened, he was eighteen and had just recently graduated school, with plans to travel. he knew if his relationship was ever discovered by his parents, it wouldn’t go well, but he really didn’t think them discovering his sexuality would be that brutal

♡ his parents basically disown him at that moment. they bought him a ticket to new york & told him they never wanna see him again. it’s sad, but he packed his things & left in two days to go live with his cousin 

♡ it doesn’t really take an expert to figure out that fiore did not take this move well at all. for months, he was really depressed. he wouldn’t go out & would just lay in bed for the longest time. he was really hurt by everything that happened & it took him a while to recover. he has also lived in italy his whole life & wasn’t really used to life in america at all, but after like the fourth month of just feeling sorry for himself, it was his cousin who snapped him back to reality

♡ he began putting himself out there. at first, he began working at a pizza place, but fiore slowly began to realize how much he despised working. his entire life, he received everything on a golden plater with pure solid gold spoons, he’s always had everything he’s ever wanted without working for it, so this? he was for sure not used to it at all. again, his life completely changed. he went from living in a three story mansion in the most prestigious part of rome to living in a very shitty part of new york, broke almost always, & working a job he hated with everything he had, splitting rent with his cousin

♡ fiore did not want this at all for himself. it wasn’t until he went out clubbing ( fake id & all ), that one his friends showed him the wonders of conning people. they walked into the bar with twenty bucks and left with four thousand dollars

♡ quickly, fiore began to learn his friends’ ways. his looks, personality & his thick italian accent helped him tremendously; it was like people literally couldn’t get enough of him. soon enough, he was conning & finessing the fuck out of older men & women for their money. he once walked into a casino with five dollars and walked out with over 12k

♡ finessing people became a huge hobby of his. he’s also very very lowkey done some camboy stuff, but with a mask on because he’s sneaky af ( legit think kat from euphoria ) like, these super lonely old men or even women are just sending him money for being hot? amazing! it was with all this money that he bought himself a luxury car & jump started his model & influencer career. it was also with this money that him & his cousin ditched the crap show that is south kingsboro & moved into a much better apartment up north. with his looks & persona, he gained followers like crazy & posted videos on youtube as well, getting sponsorships & recognition easier than he expected. he honestly makes a shit ton of money off social media & modeling, like, he’s basically living off his looks, personality & the content he post? we love to see it

♡ there is still a part of fiore that has a lot of issues & trauma. honestly mommy & daddy issues af, but he doesn’t talk about this at all. he literally refuses to talk about anything that happened to him before he was eighteen. no one really knows how he came up or where his family is & he keeps it this way, dodging questions about his personal life as much as he can

♡ in a way, he is kind of relieved with everything that happened with his parents because now, he’s completely free to be himself & do whatever the fuck he wants, knowing very well they can’t really touch him anymore. of course, it still left a mark that he’s never going to be able to erase or forget ( both in his heart & on his body too ), but he feels free for once in his life & he’s honestly kind of happier now, but also, low key needs therapy tbh 🥴

♡ relationship wise, he really doesn’t commit to anyone. after practically being forced to leave his now ex boyfriend, he kind of feels like he doesn’t deserve love? it’s really fucked up but he’s genuinely convinced that no one is ever going to really love him or want to be with him so he just avoids any romantic relationship of any kind, usually just hooking up with people & then leaving as soon as it’s over, or just stealing money from them and ghosting. the truth is that he really does want to be loved, accepted & cared for by someone he loves, accepts & cares for as well, but will it ever happen if he continues pushing people away? probably not tbh

♡ he is a fucking drinker & hella pot smoker!! legit give him some alcohol & weed he’s happy. he always has either one on him, or both tbh. he’s secretly a hella good cook too but this is something almost nobody knows really. he can make food or desserts, and he’s also taught himself to make weed edibles which is honestly iconic kvnfjvc even though he keeps this part of himself hidden

♡ he can be really sneaky & deceiving when he has to be, like, he’ll legit have 0 reason to lie but he’ll lie anyways? it’s like a defense mechanism lmfao

♡ very much conceited boy, honestly in love with his looks but it goes deeper than that. he feels like he has nothing to offer besides being hot so he dwells on looking good always, pretty sure he would rather die than wear sweatpants like vjkdfsvnfs literally always looks a1

♡ is actually? secretly blind af ndjvdfnv one of his many secrets tbh. has a vision of 20/50, nearly 20/60, but hasn’t worn glasses since he was seven, pretty much doing everything with contacts. he just thinks glasses look unattractive on him & honestly refuses to let anyone see him with them on. the only person who even knows he has vision as bad as he does is his cousin who is a npc sooo 🤡

♡ this is all that’s coming to mind rn but hmu for plots pretty pls jkfnvjnfv, this is his birthchart for some extra #tea