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#I read their relationship as like lifelong platonic friends
fairmerthefarmer · 28 days
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I’ve been thinking about the Magicians Nephew, right now specifically Polly Plummer and in an attempt to get back into doing art outside of work.
I’ve been thinking of what she’d maybe look like in the book and then as she ages (except it turns out I have such a hard time visualizing the passage of time in decades I was not alive in)
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most of the references I looked at for clothes was anywhere from 1900-1940s. Maybe some late Victorian in her younger dresses? Not sure. Mostly Edwardian.
I like to think of her definitely going to school, and then becoming a journalist. She’s super sharp and level headed in the Magicians Nephew, and also has an interest in writing.
Also she definitely wore pants.
More rambling stuff under the cut if you’re specifically like me and fixated on Narnia for most of your life
Ok so c.s. Lewis isn’t very well known for his like, accuracy/timelines making sense. (The beavers somehow had potatoes and other vegetables despite it being a 100 year winter).
The magicians nephew takes place in somewhere between 1900-1910, cause that’s his childhood. And then LWW takes place in the 1940s, so like at the oldest Digory and Polly would be in their 50s by then, but also Digory is an old eccentric professor with white hair?
(I could be wrong and maybe that does work timeline wise, and I suppose in different eras, 50s is a lot older. My brain just doesn’t compute that at ALL. At the very least the movie version of the professor DOESNT look like he’s only in his 50s with how they made him look.)
I am also not a clothing expert at all, but it’s cool looking up fashion from different eras. I slightly interpret Polly as having a rich family because her first thought seeing digory is “oh he’s dirty”. I think it’s a thing that richer Edwardian children were usually dressed in light colours which wrapping my head around is tough, cause like, are their play clothes also white?
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slothelephant · 3 months
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So there’s something I’ve been thinking about a lot lately. You know the whole “They were roommates.” “Oh my god, they were roommates!” thing. I think it’s wonderful and I love seeing people recontextualize history and find queer stories to connect with throughout time and it feels so beautiful to see historical figures finally receive recognition and acceptance for their loves and identities even after their death. Every now and again I find myself a bit sad after reading or watching another breakdown of some historical ‘best friendship’ and I just recently realized why that is.
When I was growing up, before I knew about asexuality or aromanticism and long before I realized I am aro/ace, my favorite love stories in old fiction or in historical recountings were of the lifelong bosom buddies, the men and women who were so utterly devoted to their best friend that they were inseparable. The knights or squires who were so devoted to their lords that they spoke openly of their adoration and would follow them into doomed battle and willingly lay their lives down for them. The handmaidens that voluntarily followed their ladies into exile because they had this pure love for them.
As much as I recognize the importance and beauty of acknowledging that those stories were coded to reframe queer relationships into a socially acceptable context, it feels like a bit of a loss to me. It feels like I bought into this ridiculous fallacy because that’s the kind of love I could see for myself. That’s what I wanted to experience. A queer platonic relationship that is not romantic, not sexual, but a deep and committed love nonetheless.
I feel like as an aroace person who doesn’t want kids, loving deeply is still one of my strongest personal traits. I have such a vast ocean of love in me that it spills into every relationship I have and I felt like I could recognize myself in stories of people who loved so strongly that they devoted their lives to their best friend and losing that makes me feel a bit more alone and adrift in that ocean of love, feeling more alienated like I’m missing a crucial part of the human experience.
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Semifinals Match 1
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Balloon and Suitcase (Suitloon) from Inanimate Insanity vs. Camilla Hect and Palamades Sextus (Campal) from The Locked Tomb!
Propaganda for Suitloon:
I think of them as queerplatonic, because theyre incredibly close and are pretty much each other's support systems. Balloon is Aromantic (technically canon? one of the creators said he was so im rlly hoping it is canon) so this is NOT a romantic ship. They dont have any romantic interactions, but you can spin every scene how you want. I just think they're in a QPR and are heavily supportive and understanding to each other. (Since like. half the people in the show fucking hate Balloon, and not many people seem to like to let Suitcase speak for herself)
Propaganda for Campal:
They're two people who have spent their whole lives together and are hopelessly devoted and loyal to each other. While some people do read their relationship as strictly romantic or platonic, it has way more going for it through a QP lense! They've been lifelong friends, and in their culture are essentially non-romantic life partners as a necromantic wizard and his bodyguard/champion. It's actually strictly taboo for them to engage in a romantic relationship because of this. But nonetheless they remain close to and devoted to each other, going so far as to use necromancy to keep each other close after one of them dies, and then going on to share a body until it becomes physically impossible to do so any longer. So they burn both of their souls to merge together into one new entity, creating a walking metaphor for queerplatonic partnership. They endlessly support and encourage each other, they're a perfect team when it comes to both peaceful study and combat. They know each other inside and out, long before they had to share a body, they were inseperable. They're two halves of one whole, literally, and nothing about that intense closeness and partnership is written to be romantic! Especially because other, similar characters in the series ARE written to read as romantic, and there's a distinct tonal difference to those relationships! Basically, they're two peas in a pod, two halves of a whole, clearly not quite platonic with it, but certainly not romantic either.
The author of The Locked Tomb has a long term queerplatonic partner! She even dedicates the books to him and signs those dedications with a <> (which is a Homestuck reference, denoting a non-romantic partnership that a number of fans associate with QPPs!). You can feel the influence of her own experience with queerplatonic attraction in a lot of the series, but it really comes through especially in Cam and Pal!!
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lesbianfakir · 11 months
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You can pry my (queer)platonic reading of fakiru out of my cold dead grubby little hands. I love how in a genre so defined by romance the show mainly focuses on their friendship. While there are a few ship tease moments here and there, there is no expectation of romance. It would’ve been so easy to write the lake scene into a love confession but they didn’t! And this really helps the show in terms of show not tell. We aren’t told whether fakir loves duck romantically or platonically but we are shown without a doubt that he loves duck, enough to pull her out of despair.
Likewise we’re never given any indication duck likes fakir romantically but their bond becomes her source of strength at the end of the series. I will never ever shut up about how a perfectly logical reading of the text is that they are best friends. Best friends who are intimate in a way that blurs the line between friendship and romance but best friends nonetheless.
I love how instead of being paired off with the obligatory boy at the end (I’m sorry this happened to you, rue) instead Duck finds a lifelong friend who helps her feel comfortable in her body. I love how the exact nature of the relationship is left entirely up to the viewer. I LOVE HOW YOU CAN COME AWAY FROM THE SHOW READING THEM AS “JUST FRIENDS!!”
Anyways shout out to Duck and Fakir for queering the boundaries of friendship back in 2002
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Dialogue prompts. Platonic Stobin + “We met at a funeral.“
The thing with having your best friend in the whole wide world, the platonic love of your life, your soulmate, be Steve 'Heart-Throb' Harrington is that you can't really go anywhere without people thinking you're a couple.
Robin had hoped that once they left Hawkins that would stop. Chicago is big and Steve doesn't have any sort of reputation for being a lady's man here! But still, when they go out and about the city, someone has to comment on how 'cute you two look together' or 'you two look so in love' which makes both of them visibly gag, because, ew, gross, no.
And Steve makes friends so easily. Not always lifelong friends, but friends in that they get invited out to a lot of things, all the time, always. Parties, out to bars and clubs, weddings. Robin isn't nearly as social as Steve, but she always comes with, which isn't really helping the unfortunate boyfriend/girlfriend situation everyone thinks they're in.
Inevitably, Steve gets pulled into talking with whomever invited him out and Robin is left to linger near wherever drinks are being served, flocked by woman cooing at her about wishing their boyfriends looked at them 'the way Steve looks at her' (to which Robin's always thinking they need to ditch their boyfriends then, because Steve's looks are completely platonic and that makes her think these girls are dating boys who don't even like them as people) or to ask after their relationship.
She's given up trying to explain they aren't dating. Instead, she's decided to have fun with it.
She invents new, ridiculous, ways they've met every time she's asked.
"Oh, we met at a funeral," Robin lies, looking past the group that has gathered around her to Steve, trying to telepathically tell him to come rescue her right this second. Steve does make eye contact and given the smarmy grin that spreads across his face, he received the message loud and clear. He's just enjoying her torment. "My great aunt's. We weren't close but I went to pay my respects. Steve was just there because he'd read the obituary in the paper and showed up for the free food. It's his favorite pastime."
The silence that follows is awkward, to say the least, and Robin relishes in it.
"Now, if you'll excuse me," Robin says and slides away from the crowd to go let Steve know how they met this time.
Steve always plays along.
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writing-havoc · 1 year
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I can't STOP thinking of an idea for inej ghafa x fem!reader so here you go (let me know if I'm freaking you out or if I need to stop, please!). i've read several kaz fics where he gets jealous of r very close relationship with some crow, so imagine that except with inej, where r is kaz's childhood best friend and they are a duo in the eyes of practically everyone (some even consider them a couple). r and inej have been mutually interested in each other for a long time, but r doesn't do anything because she's afraid of the consequences if the information gets out and inej doesn't try anything because she's in doubt whether r likes girls the way she (inej) does. maybe after a heist gone wrong r narrowly escaped death and now inej can't stop thinking about what could have happened if something worse had happened and r had died so the two talk privately and both admit what they feel one for the other. I can't get this idea out of my head and now I want to know how you would write about it. love inej and would like to see more of her point of view on her. oh, it would also be really nice if there was a spotlight on the platonic kaz x reader relationship. something like "we have a problem" and "no you have a problem, I have a problem friend". I imagine too much kaz rolling her eyes at every involuntary sigh of r for inej and at the end when r goes to tell her and inej getting together, kaz just like: "really? and the sky is blue?" but secretly glad her friend and the wraith are together. just inej and r being crazy about each other and kaz turning a blind eye (no romantic feelings for either of course)ssalto que deu errado r escapou por pouco da morte e agora inej pode ' t parar de pensar sobre o que poderia ter acontecido se algo pior tivesse acontecido e r tivesse morrido então os dois conversam em particular e ambos admitem o que sentem um pelo outro. Não consigo tirar essa ideia da cabeça e agora quero saber como você escreveria sobre isso. amo inej e gostaria de ver mais de seu ponto de vista sobre ela. ah, também seria muito bom se houvesse um destaque na relação platônica kaz x leitor. algo como "nós temos um problema" e "não, você tem um problema, eu tenho um problema amigo". Imagino demais kaz revirando os olhos a cada suspiro involuntário de r para inej e no final quando r vai contar pra ela e inej se reunindo, kaz tipo: "sério? e o céu tá azul?" mas secretamente feliz por sua amiga e o fantasma estarem juntos.
Fist bump
♡ Summary: Inej contemplates whether her feelings for you are reciprocated. A nearly fatal injury throws all apprehensions out the window.
♡ Pairing: Inej Ghafa x Fem!Reader, Kaz Brekker x Reader (platonic!!!)
♡ Fandom: Six of Crows, Grishaverse
♡ Warning(s): Gunshot wound, says y/n three times
♡ WC: 5.4k
Hello!!
Thank you for the request. It was nice getting to write for Inej again. While I've only written for her once before, I feel confident that I'm closer to getting her character right
Kaz is slightly ooc imo. But I feel it comes with the territory of him actually having a lifelong friend instead of being completely alone. So be prepared for that!
Hope you enjoy it regardless <3
Please excuse any grammar and spelling mistakes
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"What the hell am I looking at?" You ask, frozen in place.
Kaz sighs from somewhere deep within his throat, tone riddled with annoyance. "Your guess is as good as mine."
Inej takes a moment to stare. Her mouth might be open as she squints at the scene, but that's... the least of her worries.
Jesper and Wylan were currently flirting with eachother on the ground floor of the Crow Club, not even at any specific game. Every once in a while pieces of their conversation would float to her ears, and it was just plain horrible.
It's honestly surprising. Jesper has no problem attracting anybody of any gender, but with the way he's talking to Wylan right now she finds it truly unbelievable that Jesper was able to pull anybody at all.
What's even more unbelievable was that Wylan was actually enjoying it.
Seduction tactics don't really interest Inej. But even she is able to distinguish between a good and bad pickup line.
The moment she hears something about a fruit she makes it a point to stop listening to them completely.
"Whatever it is they're talking about I don't think its wise for us to listen anymore." Inej turns away, body facing towards you.
"Agreed." You scoff, turning a little towards her too. "I'm not all that into exhibitionism."
Kaz's eyebrows raise. "Surprising."
He's mocking you, which you immediately recognize and shoot a glare at him, knocking your heel into his cane. "Budge off, limpy."
"Oh no. Not my limp. Anything but the limp."
It's really only funny because Kaz isn't bothering to fluctuate his voice at all. It's monotone, and his eyes remain half lidded and he hoists his cane up and brushes off the dirt you got on it.
Inej smiles, holding back a chuckle as she watches the crowd around her, people steering clear if only for the fact that Kaz is nearby.
"Yes, the limp. Your worst fear." You giggle when you watch his eyes roll.
Nina comes in, standing below the railing where you stand, eyes flickering between you and Kaz.
"How are the lovebirds doing?" She jests.
It sends a little pang through Inej's heart.
Your closeness with Kaz has been a topic of interest within the crows since they joined the little inner circle. And it's not all that surprising.
You have known Kaz the longest out of any of them. You were with him when he joined the Dregs, when he climbed his way up the ladder until he became floor boss and when he managed to secure fifth harbor. You even own a share in it, taking the risk and knowing full well Kaz would have gotten it up and running.
He let's you closer than anyone else, his trust intrinsic to the fact that you have been with him through thick and thin. Inej can tell something big happened an your guys' past, small looks shared here and there, pursed lips when someone mentions a niche topic.
But with the way you hang around eachother, when you sigh with a far away look and Kaz wacks your shin with his cane just gard enough that it aches, when you can have a conversation with just a glance, it's only natural that people assume.
"In his fucking dreams." You chuckle. "This lump of coal is my best friend and nothing more, we've told you this."
Nina smirks, looking between you two once more. "You tell me and yet I can sense your heart beating like crazy, my dear Y/n."
Inej watches as you prickle, flustered, but her gazing is interrupted when you turn your body completely away from her, focusing solely on Nina.
"Hearts can lie, Zenik." Inej watches as the smile falters slightly on Nina's face. "There are people who have mastered the art of lying without any spikes in heartbeat because of grisha power. Unrelated, im simply inebriated and just witnessed the most foul and frankly disgusting conversation between Jesper and Wylan."
Nina groans. "Oh don't even get me started on that. They walked right next to me and let me tell you, I learned more about Wylan than I ever needed to know."
And just like that the topic is dropped, but Inej's mind was still gripping it, trying and failing to squeeze any sort of meaning beneath your words.
Because that conversation between those two boys hadn't flustered you in the slightest. You made jokes, voice and posture lacking any semblance of embarrassment.
You like someone. If not Kaz, then someone else. Someone you know. She takes the little hope that bubbles in her heart and gently pours it into a bottle, corking it and putting it away.
Hope is dangerous. But not unnecessary.
She'll look at it later. When she has time to feel what she needs to feel.
"Well that's a delicious specimen." You purr, watching a man in a bright yellow-green suit walk into the club.
Nina looks where you do, Inej and Kaz following your gaze.
"5." Is all Nina says.
"James Denker." Kaz relays. "Dirt poor, dressed in an attempt to impress."
"Ugly suit color." It wasnt, but it clashed horribly with the reds and blacks the club adorned. He stood out like a sore thumb.
You groan. "You're all the worst."
"We're simply saving you from having the worst time of your life." Nina downs a glass being cleaned up, Rotty taking it back once it was dry. "Speaking of, I need to go find Matthias."
"To torture him?" You lean into the railing, resting your head in your open hand.
Nina hums. "Torture is not on the menu tonight."
Kaz rolls his eyes, immediately leaving to go elsewhere as Nina strolls away, off to find her burly boyfriend.
You stay planted exactly where you are, looking out at the little tide pool of people rolling dice and flipping cards.
"Everyone's so obsessed with sex today." You remark.
Inej raises a brow. "You literally just called a man a 'delicious specimen'."
You chuckle. "I wasnt actually going to do anything. I would never go for a man dressed like an unripe lemon."
She hums, coming to rest her hands on the rail next to you. Out of the corner of her eye she sees you begin to track someone, a smile pulling at your lips. She follows your gaze, and sees a women in a dark blue dress, low a-line revealing her stomach. A feather boa rests on her shoulders, a matching dark blue bandana pinning her hair back in a mass of curls.
"Men tend to have the worst fashion taste."
Inej looks at you, your face relaxed and pupils wider than she's ever seen them.
The girl comes up to the railing, looking up at you. You give her a toothy smile, allowing her to take your hand and give it a kiss.
It squashes her heart and shocks it all at once.
You're so gentle with the woman below, who introduces herself as Femke, at it pains Inej that it's not her, but also uncorks that bottle she had just put away and pours it all over her.
She feels it in her hands, the way her eyes avert as you giggle at eachother with your hand in the safety of your pocket, the way her feet want to run and jump between the highest rooftops.
Kaz was incredibly right. Hope is dangerous.
"I have to go, but it was lovely conversing with you." You say politely, giving Inej a look she knows is begging you to follow her.
She does so, taking an alternate route out of club, pulling up a mask and throwing the hood of her tunic over her head.
She heads out a side door, melding into the shadows of an alleyway as she begins to scale the side of the building, fingers still electrified. Balconies become footholds and launching points and gutters become ledges to hoist herself up.
You're a bit further behind, but not terribly. You opt for a ladder placed on the back of a building two addresses down. You hop along the top of the curved rooftops, bouncing between the dormers and sliding down gabled edges whilst Inej followed, a grin pulling her mask up until you both reach a flat roof.
The view below is rather pretty compared to the rest of the Barrel. The distance you had crossed places you closer to East Stave, the wide canal full of boats and gondolas.
Lamposts were beginning to turn on, the lamplighters going around and lighting them. People began to bunch up, drawing their coats around their shoulders.
She looks at you, then. Worn out, the thinnest sheen of sweat making you glow. She wants to know just how warm you are.
She stays where she is.
"You're rather popular tonight." Inej begins, biting the topic in the ass.
"Hm?" You ask, catching your breath. "Oh, Femke. I guess."
Inej quirks a brow. "It didnt go as planned?"
You chuckle. "You were standing right next to me, Inej." Her name sounds like sweet treats her parents used to get her coming from your lips.
"The moment felt private."
"Femke was pretty, yes. She was... fucking gorgeous." You laugh, a kind of manic one when you remember her features. "But I couldn't be with her even if I wanted to."
Your face turned a little more solemn, eyes glancing around Inej's face.
"I'm sure she would have agreed to a night together if you showed interest."
"Thats not the problem. But thanks for the vote of confidence." You turn away, hopping onto the edge of the roof, hanging your legs off the side.
She walks to the edge, prefering to stay where she could quickly flee, hands resting on the concrete. "Do you want to elaborate?"
She hopes you'll say yes. Hopes you'll let her in.
You swing your feet, lip sucked between your teeth as you tear off the skin.
"I have... a rather quiet appreciation for the attractiveness of women." You say, staring out at the open street full of people. Inej cannot help but think of how romantic this all could be, if the day had been different. The topic lighter. Your words bobble around in her mind relentlessly. "Aside from the fact that me being with someone could compromise their safety, women get enough people who will yell how pretty we are with the caveat that they'll hurt us if we take it negatively in any way. I wanted my love for women to be quieter, out of personal experience, but there all the same."
It feels like Inej's mind is playing tricks on her, some sort of intoxication manifesting in auditory hallucinations. But when you look at her out of the corner of your eye, mouth upturned so perfectly, she knows in her wildest dreams she couldn't have thought of something even half as stunning.
She looks where you were just looking, seeing parades of men with their arms slung around eachother stumbling down the road, women hooking their arms through the other and talking quietly into the others ear, families tugging their kids close and loners standing on the corners of buildings with blunts and cigars resting between their fingers.
She understands. "You've got a beautiful soul."
She'll treasure the way she could hear your shoulders relax, hand coming to rest right next to hers.
-----
"Kaz!! Kaz Kaz Kaz Kaz-"
Inej was startled from her perch in the window when your voice boomed up the stairs, door to the office flying open.
You were slightly out of breath, and your hair was a mess of strands flying in random directions, like you'd been running your fingers through it. Pulling it even.
Kaz didn't seem worried in the slightest though. In fact, she wasn't even sure he recognized you were there until he said, "What is it now, Y/n?"
"We have a problem."
"No we don't. You have a problem. I have a friend who is obsessed with making them." He looks up from his desk, not even bothering to set down the pen from his hold. "What happened?"
Your lip wobbled, and Inej was quick to tag it as fake when you threw yourself into the lonely chair that sits across from Kaz's desk, body melting into it. "There's no more Kvas."
He sighs. "Of course there isn't." His fingers find the bridge of his nose, pinching it just slightly.
"We had four bottles left yesterday." Inej notes. "Was there some sort of celebration?"
"No. All jobs that took place yesterday, while necessary, wouldn't have warranted a celebration like that. I'll order more tonight."
Immediately you brighten, face splitting open as you hop up from the chair, a giggle spilling from your lips. "Thank you Kaz!"
"What's the ocassion?" Inej asks. Her heart stutters when you turn that wide grin towards her.
"Remember that businessman Kaz had you spy on a few days ago?"
That got both her and Kaz's attention, the both of them staring at you. "I do."
"Well, I happened to run into him today and had a chat with him when I realized he was wearing a pocketwatch of the same type that my father used to wear." The mention of your family only makes Inej more interested.
You and Kaz never talk about where you came from, not unprompted anyway. The only tidbits of information that Inej has been able to scrounge up and overhear was that your family was very close friends with Kaz's, and that both of your parents, judging by how you talk about them, are either dead or too busy to bother contacting you.
"And this is meant to mean... what? Exactly?" Kaz prompts, a bit of caution dripping from his tone.
"I'm getting to it! Anyway, we had a rather long conversation about it and how useful they can be. Which of course led into talk about businesses and meetings and the such- he mentioned that there was about to be a huge rise in, like, 4 different stocks because of something going on over in Ravka. I have it written down, um, here!"
You root around your jacket, taking a card out of one of your inner pockets and handing it to Kaz. Inej stood up and walked over, taking a look at the writing.
There 5 stocks written down in your own messy scrawl, the card itself being the man's business information. One of the stocks she recognized as being really low from when Kaz talked about it the day she had to spy on him.
"I also managed to nab his wallet. You would not believe the stuff this guy keeps in here. There's a deed and tons of other interesting things." You take a wallet from your pocket, leaning forward and dangling it in front of Kaz's face.
He grabbed it from you, opening the leather receptacle.
"Aren't I just the greatest bff you could ask for?" You posed, going out of your way to exaggerate each one, sending a wink Inej's way when she eventually made eye contact with you.
"Annoying, is what you are." Kaz remarks.
You two were incredibly confusing sometimes. He treats you differently than he would everyone else. You make fun of him and tease him and get closer than anyone would dare, and he takes all of it in stride, turning your teasing right back on you, pulling you around by your waist with his cane when you particularly annoy him or when you're about to run into something.
But maybe that's just a statement of your friendship. In a way, Inej doesn't think anyone will ever be able to get so deep beneath Kaz's walls like you have. Kaz deserves to have that someone that he can just be who he is around. There's some semblance of a boy within that bloody battered exterior.
And who better to bring that out than you? The person who came here with him and who holds so much compassion that it's truly a wonder it hasn't been beaten out of you yet? You hold a certain appreciation for life that brings a balance to the apathy Kaz likes to exhibit and uplifts others.
It makes Inej remember the little moment last night. The way you looked so calm and the way the lights of the lampost made your skin glow.
You... you really like girls. And it makes Inej feel so giddy and hopeful. It translates as a smile that you return.
Kaz sighs. "Inej, I need you to return this once I look at everything."
She glares at him. "We've talked about this."
"Dearest Inej, will you please return this once I'm done?"
"Can I come?" You ask.
"Unfortunately for you, no." Kaz gives you a glance. "Youre needed with Jesper and I after I do this."
Your eyebrows snap together, mouth opening to say something before the whole expression fades into realization. "Oh yeah." You drag out the words. "For that thing near the lid."
Kaz neglects to answer, still going over everything in the wallet. He pulls out a few bills of kruge, which he immediately stows away into his shirt pocket. Everything is taken out and placed methodically around his desk, any wet papers being skillfully avoided.
"That thing is a ten thousand kruge job. So you better remember what it is."
There's a silence for a few moments, your wide eyes trailing towards Inej. She shrugs, and you cup your hand around your mouth, a stage whisper exiting your lips. "I don't remember."
Kaz drops the wallet, scratching his chair against the floor as he says "of course you don't, filthy lovebird" and walks to a drawer in a dresser, pulling out a blueprint.
'Lovebird.' Inej thinks the same time you whine out an 'I'm sorry' but Kaz ignores it, shoving the paper into your hand. You quickly unroll it as Kaz starts going over the plan once more, eyes flickering to find the starting point.
"It's simple. You will use your curse of an ability to start conversation with complete strangers and distract the guard at the west point by asking for a bathroom..."
Inej remembers this. Kaz had briefed her for it as well before realizing her presence, for once, wasn't all that necessary. You were acting strange that meeting, half of it you were off staring into space at Inej.
She remembers her collar feeling a little stiff, heat making her sweat under your gaze.
Kaz ended up sighing and knocking the metal head of his cane against your forehead, making you yelp. He had to go over the plan again, Jesper laughing at your pouted lip.
"I don't need anything else from this wallet." The conversation fades back into focus. "The kruge and the stock card are all I need. Inej." He holds out the wallet to her, which she takes and immediately pockets it.
"How long will you be gone?" She asks, eyes flickering to you.
"No more than four hours." Kaz stands and takes his cane, heading to the coat rack to collect his outer wear. He gives you a stern glare. "If everything goes according to plan."
Your eyes roll, landing on Inej. "No faith. Absolutely none."
"Faith isn't in his vocabulary."
Kaz walks out the door, leaving it wipe open.
Inej expects you to follow, to jog to the door and disappear beyond into the darkness of the staircase with nothing but a 'see ya' yelled at her.
But you turn to her instead, hand rubbing over your stomach as if to quiet it. You wet your lips, her eyes following the movement. She stands a little straighter when you approach.
"No mourners, yeah?" You extend your fist.
Inej smiles, heart beating faster as she tentatively bumps her knuckles into yours. "Yeah. No funerals."
With a nod, you chuckle and leave, leaving Inej alone with her thoughts and a cold wallet pressed into her tunic.
You'll be fine. Jobs like these were routine, and Kaz and Jesper were two people she'd trust with your life any day.
But that doesn't stop the anxiety from bubbling in her gut, acid gnawing at the walls as she leaps out the window.
The chance for something to go wrong is never zero.
-----
They should be, though.
A loud, booming "Move" startles everyone away from the door. People dive out of the way, a cane flashing by their faces as Jesper carries a body down to the makeshift hospital beneath the Slat.
Inejs heart sinks, Nina rushing in after them.
There's only one person that could be.
She hops down the stairs, weaving through people like a needle and thread and swinging the door open with such a force that it bounces off the wall and squeals shut behind her.
"Guys please it's not that ba- OW!"
"You don't get to say it's not that bad when you lost nearly a quart of blood." Jesper hisses, grabbing at his head.
"What happened?" Inej demands, a rumbling in her chest as she does so.
Kaz nearly threw his cane down, chunks of his composure swiftly falling away. "Plan A failed, we had to resort to Plan J."
Inej wants to tug out her braid, to tug his hair out, "Which was?"
"Fucking book it." Jesper slumps into a chair. "Which we did, but one of them got lucky and hit her in quite possibly one of the worst places you can get hit."
Inej starts going through a catalogue of major arteries, sick intrusive images of your neck blown open and chest reduced to a gaping hole shoving their way into her mind.
But that's not the case. You were talking, sitting upright, protesting.
Now you're laid down, your nails carving crescent moons into your forehead as you shove the heel of your palms into your eyes, teeth gritting.
Nina's using her heartrending to look over your hip and thigh area, and Inej realizes the predicament that the novice healer has to deal with.
There's an artery that runs through the inner thigh. If it's hit, it's almost just as deadly as the side of your neck being slit open. The bullet managed to hit within that area, and a tightly bound blood-soaked piece of fabric was keeping pressure on the wound. Probably the only thing keeping you from bleeding out.
"It's been nicked. But the bullet seems to still be in you. I'll have to do my best to heal it while also trying to direct it out of your body." Nina doesn't even give you a moment to process it, immediately loosening the fabric.
Blood begins to gush from your wound, and Inej wants to scream.
Jesper follows your lead and digs his palms into his eyes. Kaz stands a good few feet from the table, watching the whole thing unfold. And Inej is...
She walks up to the side of the table, reaching out and brushing her finger through your hair.
"It'll be done soon, yeah?" She asks thought not really expecting an answer, watching your temple flex and your skin turn red as you held your breath. A rough scream escapes your lungs when you open your throat, gulping in as much air as possible before you go back under.
A small tink sounds against the table, bullet out. But Nina is sweating, glowing under candle light as she stitches everything she can back together.
"The bullets out. The only thing you have to do is wait for Nina to be done putting you together again and then you'll be done."
Healing, while ever so helpful, was far from painless. You're speeding up your body's natural process, your skin, muscles, veins being stitched back together on a cellular level.
A highly trained grisha healer could probably numb you while doing so. But Nina is not that.
Inej wants to be mad at her for being so inept when it comes to this. For not having the ability to just repair you with practiced ease and get this over with.
But she can't. She can't be mad at Nina for being who she is.
Instead she's grateful that Nina is here at all. Otherwise you'd be-
Saints, she doesn't want to think about it.
"What went wrong?" Inej asks, taking your hands away from your eyes when beads of blood build on your forehead. "This was supposed to be simple."
You grip her hands tightly. She squeezes them right back, hoping she's providing some sort of relief as she prays for your life.
"Simple doesn't cut it when your intel becomes outdated." Kaz snarled. "They changed the guard postings on the inside. We got found out shortly after retrieving this."
He pulls out a rolled up painting from a tube slung over a chair. It's a landscape of what looks to be from Fjerdan territory looking beyond towards Ravka. The Shadow Fold is missing, and in the distance she can see the artist took some creative liberties and drew the Ravkan palace.
"Supposed to be worth over ten times what we were getting paid for." Jesper uncovers his eyes, opting to cover his mouth and nose. "Doesnt really seem worth it for this."
He glances at Kaz, but Kaz looks at her, and in those dark brown eyes she feels like they come to an understanding. Kaz knows things that Inej hasnt bothered to voice to him outloud. He knows how she feels about you, and is probably just about the only person that on some level could come close to feeling the way she does now.
You're way too important to lose.
Nina let's out a deep breath, hands becoming slower and less steady. "I've got this mostly patched up, but for now the artery is pretty weak. I've got most of the muscles around it to heal to protect what it can but rest and the least amount of movement as possible while I monitor this for the next few days is whats needed."
Inej feels you relax, hands no longer squeezing the life out of her own. Your elbows knock against the table, foot wiggling on your injured leg.
You swallow. "Okay."
Inej has never heard you sound so small, which is surprising.
This isn't your first time getting injured like this, though it has been a long time. But even now she can remember you fighting them every step of the way when you were asked to rest.
Now you're more compliant than ever. You're not even making a move to sit up.
Kaz clears his throat. "Jesper, Nina, out."
Inej can hear Jesper get up from the chair, all too ready to get away from the situation. Nina, however, is less ready to vacate your side.
"I want to check over the rest of her for any other injuries you may have missed in your getaway plan." She places her hands over your head, slowly moving down your body.
"There are no other injuries. It was just the bullet. Out."
Jesper is already up the stairs, probably to find Wylan. She knows he'll come back later, once he's calmed down and can properly look you in the eye after being faced with your mortality. Nina gets down to your feet, and sighs.
"Just wanted to make sure your girlfriend-"
At the same time, you and Kaz state that you're not together. Your voice is a lot sharper than Kaz's, which is enough for Nina to whip around and give you a look.
You're sat up now, propped up on your elbows as you glare at her.
"I would really appreciate it if you stopped pushing us together, thanks."
Your hand squeezes Inej's, and it's like her heart gets zapped with a little lightning.
Nina eyes you for a moment, expression a little hurt but otherwise reserved as she searches for something.
When she looks at Inej, it seems she found it.
Her eyebrows shoot up, and her mouth falls into a little 'o' as she backs up. "How could I have missed that?"
Before Inej can silently ask what that means, she's smirking and basically running up the stairs.
Kaz collects his things, then gives Inej and you a nod before following.
The door above clicks shut, and a bound of wild creaking from above tells her that a few people were crowding around the door and waiting for news.
You squeeze her hand again, and Inejs attention is all on you.
"How bad is it?" You ask.
Inej swallows, then looks down. There's a mess of reds and purple around where the wound is. It's smaller than before, skin a little malformed where Nina put everything back together.
"It looks like you got shot."
You chuckle, moving to sit up completely. Inej helps you were she's needed, letting you use her to pull yourself up and position yourself without using your leg.
Silence followed. Your hand was still holding Inej's, your thumb going over rough spots on her palms. Your finger would stop, finding a spot that was particularly rough, and then smooth over it as if you could make it disappear.
"Thank you."
Her brows scrunch. "For what?"
"For staying."
"Of course."
You take a deep breath, exhale coming out shaky. Before Inej can ask what was the matter, you begin talking.
"I like you." You say. "I like you a lot, and I have for a while. Long enough that I can't be in a room alone without automatically looking for even though I know you won't be there. Enough that about half the time when I feel like you're watching me I'm right, and I can pick you out from the crowd."
Inej is smiling. She can feel it on her face, eyes pricking and ears ringing just a bit.
"Kaz has gotten so sick of me talking about you to the point he actually has resorted to knocking his cane against me when I sigh too loudly or when your name comes out of my mouth for the tenth time in a minute." A chuckle comes out of your mouth when you go to rub at a bruise on your shin. "He doesnt mean to be harsh but I think he forgets how solid his cane is sometimes."
She's laughs, the same as you do when she pulls your hand towards her and presses it against her chest, heart saying everything and more.
But words matter too.
"I like you too. For what sounds like just as long as you have. Believe me if I had known you liked girls I wouldn't have let you torture Kaz for as long as you did."
"What do you say? Girlfriends?" You let go of her hand and hold out your fist.
She bumps her fist against yours. "Girlfriends."
She loves the way your eyes brighten.
However, she does not love that the door to the room comes open again.
The distinct sound of metal on wood tells the both of you immediately who it is. While Inej's annoyance only slightly decreases, yours disappears immediately.
"Kaz!"
"Y/n."
"Look!" You gently offer your hand, and Inej slips her fingers between yours, interlocking them. "We're dating. Inej likes me back."
He rounds the corner, looking at the both of your hands. He puts up his shoulders, raising an eyebrows.
"And im actively disabled. Dont waste my time with the obvious."
You chuckle. "Thanks, Kaz."
While Kaz mulls over whether it's worth it to stay down here, Inej helps you off the table, easing your leg down to the ground where it remains limp.
"Oh my saints, twinsies."
Inej looks between you and Kaz. Your limp leg is the same as his.
"If I ever hear you say twinsies again, you will lose me as your friend."
"Impossible."
Kaz takes that as a challenge, and moves up the stairs faster than she has ever seen him go.
As you call out to him to get his ass back here, Inej takes a moment to think about how perfect everything is.
Your leg may be out of commission, but you're happier than she has ever seen you before. You asked her to be your girlfriend, and still you're gentle and wait for permission. She's giggling as you do when you trip a little and catch yourself on the step.
She's so incredibly happy to be where she is today. And even more excited to figure out where the both of you will go from here.
∘₊✧──────────────────✧₊∘
Tags:
@xx-all-purpose-nerd-xx @kylie18 @morrigan-crowmwell @venomsvl @milkshake0
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the aromantic is confuesed
☆ Aromantic culture is just genuenly not understanding the difference between romantic relationships and platonic friendships.
☆ Fyi: apologies for the plethora of "like," statments, it just feels more natural for some reason. I expect this to possibly get hated on? I dont know, couldnt care less if it dose tho 🤷🏻‍♂️
☆ Like, I just dont understand the concept of cheating. I get its considered bad. I get why its considered bad as its a breach of trust/boundaries/etc, but i dont understand why people prefer to be monogamous as i genuinely just dont see a difference between friends and romantic partners, I get that there is a difference, i respect that differece where people draw it themselves, I just can't see it.
☆ Like, I see the difference between queerplatonic relashionships & friendship, but I just can't distinguish any other type of relashionship & romance for some reason.
☆ And i just dont get why theres a distinction between monogamy & polyamory either? Like, were people? Why not be open to the possibility of feelings not following the preset mold of a random relashionship Hiarchy? Like ofc you can have your own rules in a relashionship, but I just dont get why monogamy with the 1 perfect "other half of you" is the priority vs fulfillment? Like, I don't expect 1 person to be my "other half" for the rest of my life, nor do I want someone to expect that of me cause that just feels like dumping way to many expectations onto 1 person. And like, you can devide yourself amoung multiple friends why not multiple romantic partners?
☆ And i dont get wanting a lifelong relashionship like that? I mean i do get wantinv 1 but expecting 1 i feel is just throwing alot of expectations on anither person, people change, feelings change, alot changes in life. It reminds me of how people are expected to choose what they want to do for the rest of your life as a teenager.
☆ Why r y'all bringing the government into your relashionship? And why do y'all STRIVE for that? Like, "lets officially legaly combine ourselves into a unit and make it real damn difficult if we end up seperating." Why should having a romantic partner logustically help you in life?? Like "hey, these 2 ppl said i do infront of an officiant, lets see if we can improve theyre taxes." How is they're logistically a "making this relashionship official" outside of- consenting parties deciding they're in a relashionship????
☆ Like, everyone was assigned to make a different venn diagram and label it with arbitrary concepts and they're relation/similarities/lack thereof, and its graded on participation; But everyone still argued over the non answer because they just can't fathom they're being no wrong answer.
☆ This isn't really meant to change anyones mind on romance, do whatever tf you want with your relashionships its your life; This is just me being real fucking confused at why people arbitrarily made these catagories lol.
☆ This was origonally gonna be an ask on an aromantic culture is blog but I quickly realized this was gonna be way too long for that.
☆ I may or may not add more mini rants to this in future reblogs this is just what I could think of as I was writing. Thanks if you actually read all of this
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sunisglowing · 2 years
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NEW MOON IN ANURADHA - PICK A CARD
(sidereal scorpio)
♡ WHAT SHOULD YOU DEVOTE YOURSELF TO? ♡
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<<following your heart's desire>>
°•° << tip me in my paypal to support me >> °•°
PILE 1
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Pile 1, I'm seeing you need to get out of your headspace and start living in the reality. (regarding your desired relationship). You have formed picture perfect image in your mind of how a relationship should be, but it will only overwhelm you and complicate things while making your choices. You wont know if something or someone is worthy unless you give it a chance and open yourself to it.
Devote yourself to the will of the cosmos. Stop trying to control what's coming in your way and just flow with it. Accept it. You need to change your perspective. A belief or mindset is keeping you stuck and creating the kind of wish or movement you deeply desire. Stop being so stubborn about it. Make some space in your heart and be open to receive love. Maybe you want a partner really bad but this fantasy in your head isn't allowing you to be open to something really good that is in front of you. Put your guards down and allow your heart to explore the new adventure the universe has designed for you. The picture for this pile is so on point lol.
I'm seeing that if you do this, a new relationship (platonic, romantic, mentor, whatever you are desiring right now) will come to you sooner than you might imagine. Be open giving and receiving love and joy. Take it easy-peazy. I see a relationship passionate person coming your life that will make you feel inspired and motivated again. This person is going to be in your life for a long period of time. Feels like a lifelong friend even if its romantic which is great. I'm also seeing that you should or you might connect with someone from your past. A childhood friend or someone you have been with a very long period of time. If you had a falling out with someone in the past or a bad breakup, it's time to make peace with the past. At the end of the day, you are who you are and you are here because of your past so don't be so there is something you learned from it so don't be harsh on yourself and your past self now. You have grown and matured so take those lessons forward with you!! I hope this reading helped you!! please tip me in my PayPal if you found this reading helpful🤍 have a great day or night!!
PILE 2
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Pile 2, I'm seeing that you have been juggling with a lot of responsibilities lately. Financially, I'm seeing that you might have had to work twice as hard to meet your needs. It hasn't been an easy time for a period of time. Maybe your overburdened with your work or your business. You are juggling too many things at once. It might that you are a student and also working. Some of you might have a regular corporate job with one or more side business or passion projects you have been working on. Someone of you, it's home life and work life that's going messy and hard to adjust to. You need a work life balance whatever your situation might be.
Devote yourself to some 🌺ME TIME🌺. The thing is that you need to take some time out just for yourself. It's like life has been more about other people and their expectations and problems than you and what you enjoy. It feels like you have been doing exactly what people would like you do, trying to be the person that society, family or people expect you to be, but it's time that you march to the beat of your own drum. This is also a sign that you should pursue your dreams and desires. What have you been wanting for a long time but putting it on the back burner?? I think particular thing varies in this group.
For some of you this is a relationship that you desire but haven't been pursuing. Maybe because of cultural or family pressure. I'm coming from a brown asian family so I understand. Maybe this is a career path or creative hobby that you are scared of pursuing because of rejected or disapproval from family. For some of you, I see thar you need to go out and explore the world. Traveling is coming through strong. You should do it to relax and rejuvenate. You need adventure and a breath of fresh air. You need to feel inspired again. And inspiration and growth doesn't come if you stay stuck at one place. You need to move. Maybe move your body, practice yoga, stretch or meditation. Traveling near water bodies will be very healing for you!! I see that if you go out and travel, you may find a romantic partner. The lovers card is here so just saying.. being around water 💧 and me time with some solo travel will be very beneficial for you!! I hope this helped you Pile 2!! please tip me in my PayPal if you found this reading helpful!!🤍 have a great day or night!!
PILE 3
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Hi there PILE 3, I see that you have been really focused on work. Is it an escape from your pain?? I think you have been ignoring your heart and your feelings. Something might have really pinched you and its hurting. Financially you are stable and secure. Actually you are at a very good place. Like you have everything you need and want. But from the inside, there is so much gloominess and pain. You are working like a robot and it's not nice. Please give time to yourself and sit with the pain. Please stop neglecting it. It will get harder to ignore.
this message is for a very few of you- it might be that you got pregnant but you don't want to be a parent rn. you want to feel like a kid again. you really love your childlike wonder and you are really curious as a person. you aren't just ready for this responsibility (acc. to you)
if you had a breakup with someone, you might be really heartbroken with this one. you should devote yourself to some self-love and self-care. spend time with your mother. you need to do something creative. spend time on your hobbies. have fun doing things that bring you joy!! put your ideas into action. maybe this pain has inspired you in a way in which you could express it creatively. your creative talents are insane!! like some of you are really good at what you do!! you should do it more because it will give you more confidence!! i hope this helped you Pile 3!! please tip me in my PayPal if you found this reading helpful!!🤍 have a great day or night!!
PILE 4
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PILE 4, so your reading is so full of Cups cards!! I think your are really having a hard time trusting your intuition and emotions. You feel conflicted. Like it's really hard for you to make a choice. You want to choose the best and the best thing, whatever it maybe. You are afraid of making the wrong choice. You are also really guarded and cautious at the moment. is something happening in your home life, or something that is threatening your sense of security and stability??
Some of you might have to make an important decision. Something that is really important to you!! For example, you value your career a lot!! So you are finding it really hard to pin point what will suit you the best as a career? what will bring you tye most money or which career would feel fulfilling ?? these kinda questions have been running in your head for quite a long time and it might be giving anxiety!
You need to devote yourself to be calm from the inside. I just think that you are afraid of making the wrong move! You are really stressed as of right!! So you need to devote yourself in prioritizing your mental health! You can't make a good well thought choice with a chaotic mind. You need to be grounded in this situation. Express your emotions. Stop expecting people to read your mind. Be diplomatic and take care of your family members!!💙 i hope this helped you Pile 4!! please tip me in my PayPal if you found this reading helpful!!🤍 have a great day or night!!
● do not copy, reword, steal my readings in this or any other platform
● tips are always appreciated, it gives me motivation to do more
● do comment and share your experiences
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genworkjune · 1 year
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A month to share some gen work
What is Gen?
It means it's not focused on a romantic relationship. Here's the Fanlore entry if you'd like to read some more
And this?
The idea is during June to share some gen work. There's six prompts below, you could pick one (or more) and write or draw something. Or write or draw something completely different. Or share some of your old gen work again. Make a rec list. Just leave a nice comment on your favourite gen work. We'll count all of it.
Rules
The whole point is it's about gen work, it can be any kind as long as it's gen. Mentions of background relationship are fine as long as the romance isn't a focus
And then make a post, tag this blog if you want (remember to tag warnings and stick long fics at least partly below a read more if you're posting them on here), and that's it
Prompts
Families (born or made) or Best Friends Forever
(Just some broad ones to cover whatever you want them to)
First or Reunion or Comfort
(One word prompts you can interpret however you like. It could be two lifelong friends meeting for the first time. A sibling giving a hug after a bad day. Anything)
Flipping the Script
(Take a trope that would usually be expected to be romantic and make it platonic. Or find another way to interpret the prompt, if you think it fits, then it fits)
That's pretty much it, except I hope you have fun
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inventedfangirling · 1 year
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finished the gem that was 55:15 never too late :')
just finished 55:15 never too late and oh my god what a gem of a show!!! im so so so so glad i watched it.
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i decided to give it a go just for nanon and khao but the show gave me so much more than them. idk why it took me till the last two episodes to get just how much emphasis the show was putting on the importance of friendships/ the platonic bonds in one's life, truly i can't think of the last time (probably heartstopper s2) where there was just so much beautiful expressions and forms of platonic bonds- the bonds between the 5 main leads (especially jaya and songphon, but also san and thep), songphon and mathee (from mathee's side it was platonic :3), songphon and his niece, jaruni and her father, jaruni's father and bomb, thep and his son, thep's son and san, thep and san, jaya and her manager -that you are my everything moment was really EVERYTHING to me.
as my usual practice of sharing my umpteen screenshots here's my most fav platonic moments from the last two episodes :')
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who let him out of my pocket ughhhh songphon/paul one of my fav characters of all time now
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one thing i've found it hard to come by in the shows i've been watching recently (bl dramas, mostly thai) is how there is next to no male interaction with women, and if there is, the bonds are very superficial or they stick to certain "acceptable" rules. so you could imagine my shock when i saw this scene of jaya sleeping soundly next to paul on the same bed. it is objectively a very normal/inane thing. but we just NEVER get representation of men and women simply being and existing as friends and doing friend things like sometimes sleeping in the same bed with the friend's pic on a frame that you're hugging (WHAT! ITS NORMAL), and so it really shook me. i love their bond so much :')
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CUTIEEES.
also this moment...
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as a person who genuinely believes that friendship >>>>>>>>>> every other relationship, seeing these words uttered between two lifelong friends made me tear up and HOW!! one of the most special things ive seen on media.
also not lost on me how my two most favourite platonic moments featured jaya who is the only character who isnt given a romantic storyline/sideplot/spouse. also point to note that jaya and paul are the only two characters who didn't get a traditional "romantic ending/closure" and they ended up getting such beautiful expressions of platonic love. LOVE that for them :')
that being said i cried at the part where phiphu read paul's letter and they put that montage of them laughing over it like HOW DARE THEY
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i'm sorry but the mirroring in expressions drove me insane on first sight itself
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eventho i found their love difficult to fully enjoy cos of the nature of it, this scene was just too beautiful not to love and im so glad paul got to express it
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also khao looked so ADORABLE here i almost burst into tears not kidding!!!!
not to end the post without a nanon face appreciation pic- he was excellent throughout the show as expected and particularly in a fantastic scene in the finale episode that very few people could have pulled off like he did, what a frickin treasure he is.
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bless his puppy eyes nose dimples cheek smile <3
to conclude what i wanna say, i wanna reiterate once again how i really REAAAAALLY enjoyed the show through and through
and while this mostly typo free post wont probably be making it obvious but im writing through tears, it was such a wonderful thing to experience. idk if and how much i would rewatch it but i think it's right up there with some of the best shows ive watched ever.
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HIGHLY RECOMMENDED.
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satellitedarling · 6 months
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hello this is going to be venting,nothing extreme but honestly everyone should have the independence to decide whether to read or interact with this shit so I'd rather say it upfront rather than shove it down people's throats, mentions of prescription drug abuse,you've been warned, with love
Despite my current medication helping me tremendously, I still feel like there's an overwhelming amount to unpack. I feel like an onion, tear off a layer and there's just more and more shit underneath and it seems never ending lol. that's not to say my meds aren't helping me,they definitely are, but they're also bringing to light issues that I had unknowingly "put to the side" while I was suffering a lot more before these meds. I feel so lonely and yet I can't get close to anyone, no matter how hard I try, how many new people I meet, I just can't help but want to run away and distance myself from everyone because I start to think that they hate me or because I feel scared of them, unable to bring myself to talk to them. I don't even know what would help me at this point, I have one friend who I love being around, that I can be comfortable and 100% open with, but they're always busy,always unavailable, it's not their fault in any way of course, but I can't stand that the only person I feel a genuinely deep bond with is someone I see very rarely. I have tried so hard to meet people online and irl, and despite going through the motions, being as open as possible, being as kind as possible, I simply can't feel the same way around them as I do with him, there's just something different about him, we get along so well, he's a sweetheart, an angel who wouldn't hurt a fly, he's the person who makes me laugh the most in the world, the one person I'm not uncomfortable around irl, I fucking love him, platonically that is. I have tried so hard to broaden my horizons, meet new people, but it's like nothing can replace him, I'm tired of meeting new people irl or online, I don't want a large group of friends, I want one or two close ones, that's it, just people that care about me as much as I care about them, a lifelong friendship, marnie and me style, bridge to terrabithia style and many others I can't bring to mind.
I just want to feel as loved as the people I give my love to, they're such wonderful people, I try so hard to please them in any way I can, to be as kind and generous as I can be, respect every one of their boundaries, I'm trying to become the perfect friend but its clearly not working, and it's obviously not their fault but I feel lile I have no one else to turn to, I want a best friend, I want someone with whom I can discuss anything and everything, I want them to be happy to see me just as much as I'm happy to see them, I want to give my all to make them happy, I want to receive the love and care that I'm trying so hard to give. When these rare people I get close to aren't receptive, take distance from me then there's no one to blame but I feel like I'm in an impasse socially: Now what? try to meet new people? it won't feel the same, I'm way too picky about this shit, I feel the urge to run away as soon as I see one small thing that scares me within them.
The people I say this to often make the justified remark that the exclusivity and mutual care for one-another is often a motivator for others when trying to find a romantic partner but I don't want a romantic partner, friends are so much more important to me, being in a relationship was hard because of my asexuality and my huge fear of abandonment, I always need to run away,keep a distance. I need to find a friend, I don't know where, but one that considers me an important part of their life at least, I want a best friend, a lifelong brother/sister that I can always reach in times of need or when I want to simply talk with them, I'm just so tired of not being emotionally available unless with certain people, I'm tired of feeling like everyone hates,avoids, and will abandon me, I try so hard to be a good person in my daily life, I try to make people smile at my work, to cheer them up, to be a ray of sunshine, it makes me feel good but as soon as I'm not working or serving people, that I'm now alone or have free time, I just feel such a crippling loneliness and boredom, I have lots of people to talk to but it simply *never* feels the same as him, no matter how hard i try to form meaningful bonds, the issue comes from within me. fuck this brain.
and then there's the whole aspect of gender envy, disliking my masculine characteristics but not exactly wanting 100% feminine characteristics, I'm tired of my body, only part I like is my face, that's a good start I suppose. just so tired of growing up with the fear of losing my effeminate qualities.
I'm gonna end this here because I'm too woozy and tired to keep writing, I'm so tired, absolutely not suicidal but heavily lonely, this isn't a cry for help per se, but I just can't stand living like this anymore. the only times I feel happy are when I'm working because it stops me from overthinking for a while, ignore my loneliness, feel like a good person
look,im tired, I won't keep writing, I might pass out any second but fuck I can't stand my mind working like this
sorry for this, I just needed to write it down, I can't talk about it with anyone around me irl, it's so tiring, I've made so many efforts and steps and yet the empty feeling won't subside, feels like I'll never find someone like Yann ever again and that we keep getting more and more distant because he's so busy and anxious, I love him so much, platonically, but I could give my life for him if it came to it, I just adore him so much
ok I'll stop now sorry, I'm not 100% conscious right now because of Xanax so if none of this makes sense ,hen I come back to reread this post I wouldn't be surprised
peace, love and happiness, to whoever is reading this, be a force of good in the world, even on a small scale, make a cashier smile, help the old people that can't carry their belongings, lend an ear to those who need one, etcetera
goodnight
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Text
!!!!
I can't believe I forgot what this week is!! It's bi week! Thank you, tumblr, for reminding me!
This is a really long post, feel free to just skip around if you want. I would definitely check out the links/video!
(Before I start talking, yes, I have done research and I will be providing a bunch of great articles about bisexuality.)
IF YOU ARE BISEXUAL AND/OR QUESTIONING, STEP ONE OF REALIZING YOUR SEXUALITY IS AKNOWLEDING THAT YOUR FEELINGS ARE VALID!
I myself have this problem where I invalidate my own fears and insecurities because 'it could be worse' and 'I'm just being dramatic' and 'I should stop being such an attention seeker.'
Biphobia, especially the internalized kind, is VERY real.
NO, dating someone does not suddenly alter your sexuality. If you are a masculine-identifying individual dating a man, but previously identified as bisexual, you are still bisexual during the relationship too!
People will sometimes unknowingly invalidate bisexuality because they do not understand this. If you are an ally or hope to become one, please do some basic research before making assuptions.
I've found that reading books and articles that include bisexual representation are helpful when you feel particularly alone and when you are questioning yourself.
By the way, Bisexuality does not always mean that you only like male and female individuals! If you scroll down, there's more info on that in the article link titled 'bisexual vs pansexual.'
If you ignored everything else on this post, then pay attention here.
This is a helpful list of hotlines for queer and questioning individuals.
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Ok sorry I got off topic. If you want to start with the basics, then maybe figure out what bisexuality is first?
What is bisexual? and What does it mean to be bisexual?
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This next site is a wonderful place to look if you want more information on sexuality.
minus18.org These are usually more direct and a bit shorter than other articles.
Some articles from this site about bisexuality are:
Busting 7 myths about being bisexual and Bisexual vs. Pansexual
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I think I might be bisexual (a colorful pdf complete with pictures.)
This one includes info on sex, safe sex, and healthy relationships. Those are things that I am not not at all knowledgeable about, so you'll just have to read the pretty article.
Am I bisexual? 9 signs you might be.
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You don't have to be romantically attracted to someone to want a relationship! If you are not aware of the term queer-platonic relationship, a quick google search should clear it up pretty well.
Wanting a lifelong relationship is understandable, even if you identify on the ace/aro spectrum. These pictures sum it up pretty well.
Tumblr media Tumblr media
This is an article from abc news about some queer-platonic relationships
This one is in first person : )
This is also in first person, I like this one the best.
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Wait! What if you previously thought you were straight but now you have a crush on someone of the same gender?
You identify as straight but now have a crush on a girl and Woe is me! (That title is so funny to me.)
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WikiHow!! Our savior and salvation. Yeah, sometimes I just give up and and look through these kinds of articles, because to be honest, they are pretty helpful. (Also the others can get really long.) Pictures too! It's a miracle!
How to tell your parents you are bisexual and How to tell your mom you are bisexual.
Because if you have a good relationship with your parents, then keep it!
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Mental health and lgbtq
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If you want to know a person's sexuality/pronouns/ learn more about their orientation, maybe just ask?
Seriously. Try ASKING.
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Coming out. How terrifying. We're gonna need some links for that!
Coming out (For teens.) and Coming out to your parents
This one is a 44 page pdf of a coming out guide.
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People erase my existence.
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Being an ally! Allies are great! Allies are friends!
If someone comes out to you and Being an Ally to lgbtq people.
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SCIENTIFIC QUEST TO PROVE BISEXUALITY EXISTS
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How to express my sexuality. (I'm just gonna leave the google search here.)
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Can you realize your sexuality at an older age? (yes.)
Myth of realizing you're queer 'too late' in life.
Oh look at that, I did not read this article, but I think it's got the jist of it.
You may also have my google search.
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And another pdf: A closer look bisexual transgender people.
I gave up on reading it, tell if it's trash and if I should delete it please?
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BI PRIDE STUFF!!!!
(Brought to you by amazon because that place is magic.)
There's socks and earrings and shirts and flags and stickers and pins and underwear and EVERYTHING.
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And last but never least, if you're not a reader, here is an animated video! It's great if you're like me and your attention span likes to turn off randomly.
youtube
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Wow, my brain walked away halfway through that, I hope someone finds it helpful. The amount of links I had open just now was stressing me out.
Anyway.
HAPPY BI PRIDE!!!!
(week)
Now if you'll excuse me, I'm gonna go pass out. : ) Good night.
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qprsmackdown · 1 year
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what submissions have the most convincing propaganda: rather for being silly or being serious
hi anon. mod zazie here. i read through every single one of the submissions to answer this because i am insane. and the results are as follows ^-^
techno & phil fans are INSANE over "for you phil, the world!!" as they should be!! i, too, read bunfloras' phil & techno fics. but even if i didnt already know who emeraldduo was, you all have VERY GOOD propaganda. Immortal lifelong best friends... <3
dsmp fans i love you im holding out my hand to you in a gesture of friendship. hello. both mods are also mcyt fans and dsmp fans. we know abt characters vs ccs. we also despise cc!dream. you are safe here. im sorry that previous polls have traumatized you :((
c!tubbo/c!ranboo fans also fucking turned out you have VERY convincing propaganda
ive never read the locked tomb, know nothing of the characters, but to the submitters who sent in Camilla Hect and Palamedes Sextus youve convinced me. VERY good job. where can i find your media i need to learn more. no like fr
jrwi fans are you okay. good lord /pos. also youll be pleased to know WE HAVE NOT ONE BUT TWO SUBMISSIONS OF THE GREATER MANA POLYCULE
to the etho/skizz fan who submitted an essay. hi. i think youre so right for putting them in a httyd au. very convincing propaganda. also are you okay.
hi silmarillion fans. do you need hot cocoa.
jrwi fans are literally so not normal about their guys. sorry to call you out but oh my god not a single one of you is normal /pos. its great.
not a fnaf fan but "Theyre also both canonically queer, if that helps. That has nothing to do with the lobotomies or the dying and being revived as a soulless walking corpse, though." is the sentence of all time. i hope whoever wrote that is doing well.
good evening to the homestuck fan who wrote jake & dirk propaganda so convincing that for a moment i wanted to go check out their media only to remember its Homestuck and ONLY to the homestuck fan who wrote jake & dirk propaganda so convincing that for a moment i wanted to go check out their media only to remember its Homestuck.
we've been over the jesus christ/mary magdalene submission but did you know apparently there's actual evidence to back it up? lots of it in fact? i did not expect to read that tonight (for future reference slash in case you're curious i am an atheist & cycad is christian)
the little women fan has some SERIOUS propaganda. my respect o7
hello to the autistic sp (south park) fan who wrote a genuine essay on kenny mccormick and eric cartman. wish you well (and like, we got a voltron submission as well. i dont know either of those shows/fandoms at all besides vague knowledge that they're not great but eh we're here to have fun. who cares (this is in response to you mentioning you didnt know if sp was allowed (i dont know actually youd have to ask cycad but im like 95% sure its fine (can you tell i have adhd))))
GIGOLAS FAN SPOTTED. they didnt write a lot of propaganda but HELL YEAH WE GOT SOME LOTR FANS HERE. theyre so qpr to me you dont even KNOW
i didnt even think about link/zelda being a qpr before this but you have convinced me. youre so right. they Are
besties who drink poison together STAY together!!! (merlin and arthur). fuck yeah baby!!! i have never seen merlin bbc
oh moirails are a homestuck thing i saw those in our asks and was unsure what they were
CANON QPR IN FABLE SMP? oh i need to check that out. fable smp fans ik this is a long shot but if anyone wants to give me reccomendations for where to start watching.
hiya qsmp fans. no need to worry you have turned out in both numbers AND propaganda. wowzers.
we have One submission for q!quackbur but now im wondering why no one has submitted c!quackbur. theyre literally homoeretic business rivals whose relationship could be viewed as platonic or romantic. smh
Roman and Youngblood from Roleslaying with Roman have very dedicated fans.
divorce quartet the divorced qp polycule ever but also im very biased. (both scott/cleo and scott/martyn were submitted multiple times)
we have some very fun ocs & real life qp relationships and im so here for it.
oh hey lifesteal smp i know those guys. wow damn theyre kinda fucked up arent they.
POLYARCHIVES SUPREMACY <3 BASEDBASEDBASED
POLYMECHS SUPREMACY ALSO SO BASED
Hi. Person who submitted both jesus/mary magdalene and now hamlet/ophelia. I love you. You are here to cause CHAOS and i for one applaud you for it. Can we kiss /j
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leorai4life · 2 years
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Analysing Leorai - differentiating rumours from reality (a 3 part analysis)
Introduction
To this day, Leorai (2012) remains a controversial ship as many view it as incestrious and therefore taboo. I understand why many would view it as much - especially if those in question haven't watched the 2012 show - and that without proper analysis the concept of "adoptive brother and sister in love" sounds pretty bad. However, I for one can say with certainty that Leorai is not a ship that is not as simple as revolving around two adopted siblings in love - as characters, be it platonically or romantically, Leo and Karai's relationship has many layers that cannot be dulled down to being one thing or the other.
Before I start this analysis, I just want to say if you're an anti Leorai shipper or just not a big fan of shipping in general, that's cool! I'm not trying to convince you to like this ship or anything - however I do hope that in reading this you can learn to respect those who do ship it.
Aspect Analysis 1 - Siblings? So, a common argument for why Leorai is "wrong" is that it's promoting incest. Well let's look at Leo and Karai's parental relationships and discuss that:
Although they both technically share a father, Splinter is barely granted the chance to form a paternal bond with Karai due to the fact that he didn't get to raise her, nor spend time with her once the truth had been revealed. Even when she was brought back to the lair and reunited with her blood father, she still chose getting vengeance over getting to know and love her blood father. Leo on the other hand was raised by Splinter since he was a child and views him as his beloved father and sensei. He looks up to his adoptive father for guidance and emotional support; he is Leo's role model, and essentially all Leo wishes to be as the new sensei.
When we compare the bond Leo has with Splinter to Karai's, Leo had more experience being Splinter's son/ward than Karai did. Even Splinter's death had more of an impact on Leo than it did Karai; Leo was filled with anger and despair and continued to "talk" to Splinter when seeking guidance, whilst upon hearing of his death Karai's response was more reserved than distraught. This is an understandable reaction, as within a couple of weeks Karai had had her whole life exposed as a lie, became a mutant, got brainwashed and on top of all that didn't even get to form an emotional and parental connection with her one true father before he too was taken from her. So yeah, it's no wonder she wasn't able to emotionally process his death like the others did (heck, even April and Casey are more bonded with Splinter than Karai is).
So to relate back to my initial point of both Leo and Karai technically sharing a father, they each share him for a different reason: Leo is Splinter's son by a lifelong bond, whilst Karai is Splinter's daughter by blood. This difference in reasoning does not make either one of them any less of Splinter's child, but this difference does make them be less seen as siblings from each other's POV. Leo was raised with his blood-brothers by the same father/sensei, under the same roof and with a shared family dynamic - so he of course views them as siblings. This is why something like Raph x Leo differs drastically from Leorai as Raph and Leo have always treated one another as siblings because it's what they're used to - so turning that dynamic romantic would make both of them extremely uncomfortable. However, Karai enters the Turtles' lives when they're well into their teens - aka, when they're beyond extreme (emphasis on extreme) influence. On top of that, her first introduction to them was 'Shredder's daughter'/'a Foot Clan kunoichi' - so taking her home and attempting to accept her as a sister didn't really work as there was an already established family dynamic between the brothers and Splinter which Karai hadn't been around to be a part of. This is why she's mainly viewed as a close friend/distant family by the bois (although bless Mikey for at least ATTEMPTING to give her the opportunity to be their sister).
Karai even distances herself from forming any sort of familial bond with the Turtles by refusing to join their Dojo and rarely instigating missions with them unless absolutely desperate - instead she opts to rebuild the Foot Clan under her rule and take her life into her own hands. And if anything, she builds herself in the image of The Shredder - a powerful leader with an arsenal of ninjas at her disposal - but with the heart and honour of her father. When Mikey queried why Karai didn't come home with them, Leo states "Well, she's not a little kid anymore - she wants to take control of her own life"; in a way, this indicates that Karai doesn't want the burden of being a part of a family. Perhaps after living a life of lies under a tyrannical "father" she just wanted to be her own person on her own - literally (well, aside from Shini).
So to answer the query of "Aren't they technically siblings?" the answer is logically no, as they do not share a sibling bond psychologically or even biologically; Leo is literally a giant talking turtle mutant...she's a human-mutant hybrid...they literally could not be more NOT related lol.
Anyways, onto the next point:
Aspect Analysis 2 - "The Turtles are blood relatives of Splinter"
I see a lot of antis use this point in an argument, saying that the Turtles share blood with Splinter so they are blood relatives.
Now speaking specifically about the 2012 show, we never get an official confirmation that the brothers and Splinter share blood. I've even searched interviews with Ciro Nieli and the most he's said is that "All the turtles share a piece of Splinter" - though he was talking trait-wise...so...yeah.
My personal view is that since they are linked to the last thing they touched (be it the pet store owner, a bunch of curious kids or Splinter himself), I do believe they share a connection with Splinter - but not in the sense that the same blood runs through their veins. I believe that when the Turtles and Splinter mutated, the Turtles humanoid appearance was created by the shared contact of the pet store owner, curious kids, and of course Splinter. The mutagen used the fundamentals of all these humans' DNA to basically ~evolutionise~ the Turtles into their humanoid selves (think of it as though they're a combination of turtle and a dose of general human DNA).
As far as I can tell, the only thing the human interaction with Hamato Yoshi (Splinter) got them is some of his core traits - a sense of honour and leadership for Leo, a fierce and protective fighting spirit for Raph, creativity and ability to improvise when under pressure for Mikey, and ingenuity for Donnie. Physically, it seems only Donnie gained something from Splinter (his reddish-brown eyes and natural tall stature) whilst the other brothers must have gained their distinctive physical traits from the other human contacts; such as Mikey, Raph and Leo having different eye colours than Splinter, Mikey's freckles, and Donnie's overbite and gap tooth. My personal headcanon is that Mikey got his empathic traits and love for pets from the pet shop owner hehe.
So essentially Splinter's foundational pieces of DNA helped to shape their roles on the team (leader, warrior, inventor and creative-and-spontaneous-ball-of-butt-kicking).
I guess a question would be "but if they all did a blood test, would Splinter be found to be related????" - my answer to that is yes, though very distantly, as their main DNA result would be a turtle (duh...) whilst the rest is a jumble of the other humans' DNA. Think of it as though you did a DNA test and got a match with a bunch of random people - it is possible to share a small amount of DNA with someone and not be related. In other words, it's possible to share genetic material and not share a common ancestor or any identifiable genealogical connection.
Aspect Analysis 3 - "INCEST!"?
This relates back to point 1 where I discussed whether Leo and Karai see each other as siblings and whether shipping them should be considered promotion of incestrious behaviours. This answer is actually really simple: no, Leorai does not encourage incest.
Why not? Because incest, by definition means "sexual relations between people classed as being too closely related to marry each other". And guess what? Not only are Leo and Karai not closely related, but they never did the deed, or even kissed. They didn't even become 'official' official in the show, so calling Leorai incest is not a fact.
In all honesty, Leorai is my favourite ship of the show because unlike the other ships they didn't need to be physical with each other (e.g. kissing, arms around each other, tight hugs, carrying in arms) to show the audience that they cared deeply for one another. They showed their love through emotional connection and the "little things". Leorai is much like Zutara for me in this sense; I'm happy with what we got because it felt more like two characters building a genuine connection that would lead to an eventual romantic relationship (be it in show or not) than having to shove it in our faces that "tHEY'rE iN LOve beCaUSe tHEy KisSed!" (*cough* Kataang).
If you as a writer can make two characters have a romantic connection without having to make them get physical then you know you've written a relationship - heck, you know you've written the characters - right. And my personal headcanon is that Leo and Karai would share an asexual relationship eventually; no smut, just wholesome love :3
To conclude: Leorai is not incest. Not biologically, not psychologically, and not even romantically. I know not everyone will agree with this as many prefer to just stick with the most popular opinion so they don't cause controversy and that's fine - but heck, I'm tired of hiding my love for this ship cuz "I'll upset someone". That someone can be offended all they want, but I'm still not gonna change myself to suit their agenda.
I'm too old to keep getting involved in anti-ship nonsense (in ANY fandom, tbh), so if you're an anti reading this I'm not gonna try fight your opinion. You can have it, and I'll respect it cuz it's your opinion. I just hope that one day we as the internet can evolve to a point where we're smart enough to just not actively search for something we despise and only focus on what makes us happy.
As for my fellow Leorai shippers- thank you for reading my ramble! I love and appreciate all of you that continue to stand by this ship, and I hope to give you more Leorai content soon! Hopefully one that isn't a ramble, haha 💙🖤
Thanks again for reading, and have a good day/evening!
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bigbigbellydyke · 1 year
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If I have a brand for this stuff, its something like "raaaather fat notably klutzy 50 yr old queer babe who has a shitton of weird health issues, a truly truly massive belly who is currently trying to get fatter."
First things first, I'm ancient. 51 is OLD here. If you have no age in your blog, I will block you, and if you are under 25, I will as well, unless I'm sure it's 💯 platonic both ways somehow.
Please read on before you engage.
1. am 100% about consent and respect. I keep this space as free of fatphobia, racism, homophobia, anti-trans anything, etc. i block blank blogs, blogs not clearly over 21, and anyone I feel like.
2. I primarily engage with queer and often femme or nonbinary folks. I am married, yes, and its open and nunyabusiness unless I offer.
3. I am actively gaining and have a totally nonexclusive set of sweeties and friends cheering me on. Im not into having a dedicated feeder. Im super into watching other people get fat because they want to, or especially, seeing lifelong fat folks feel freeeeee! Basically, I'm into people getting liberated and doing what they want with their bodies, and finally indulging my own kink of growing and watching others grow.
4. I am not into random dick pics or propositions. Sorry.
5. My whole relationship with my body is super complex, heres a long post from last year that explains more:
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argylepiratewd · 1 year
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finch for the character ask <3
Harold my beloved 💖
My favorite thing about them: His big heart. He is deeply flawed, a bit of a creep tbh, and a total mess, but he has a really good heart that can see that people change. Plus he has sooooo many layers and is just so interesting. I love himmmmm.
My least favorite thing about them: His unwillingness to trust The Machine, even when she'd proved herself many, many times. Come on, Dadmin.
My favorite canon relationship: For platonic, Harold and John. The love and the loyalty and that evolution from prickly and wary of each other to willing to die for each other is so. good. It is very much my kind of dynamic.
Romantic, Harold/Grace...though there aren't really any others to choose from. Even though some of it is kind of fucky, it's still really sweet. Plus Michael and Carrie are darling, and I just...how could they stand to act some of the more painful stuff when they've been married for so long? Badasses, both of them. 🥺
My favorite non-canon relationship: Harold/John. Everything that appeals to me about them as a friendship elevates them to OTP status for me. I'm a complete sucker for friends-to-lovers ships.
The sexuality I headcanon for them: That boy is bi af. Look at how smug he was about his gorgeous boytoy:
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Birbman is bi.
What I’d do if I could spend the day with them: We're both introverts, so quietly coexist with some occasional chatter? He can hack the Pentagon or read a book while I knit and we both drink tea.
Random fact about them I like: The birds. All those bird names, his lifelong love of birds, the way he even kind of looks like a bird...Harold's love of birbs brings me joy.
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