#I read long fics and books
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If you're looking for buddie recs read Tethers by whileyouresleeping. It's one of the best buddie fics i've ever read.
Oh my gosh thank you so much for sending me a fic rec! I've marked it for later and will definitely check it out 💞
#im gonna be honest though I probably wont until its completed#I read long fics and books#I read The Count of Monte Cristo in 10 days about 2 months ago#but I'm already sitting in the middle of two very long fics for two other fandoms#So I think as far as this new fandom goes#I'm going to stick with smaller one shots for now#try and oace myself 😅😅#ask#answer#anon#lolo rambles#911 abc#fic rec#buddie
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I love libraries.
I'm browsing the WWI shelves (as you do) and notice a very old book about the war. I glance at the first pages that talk about how one day the war will be over and we'll look at this place and not see any signs of the battlefield.
Then it hits me. And I check the publishing date.
This book was printed before the war's end. Not written. Printed. The physical object was created in 1918, while the war in question was raging and the end was as yet uncertain.
Now I'm standing on the other side of the apocalypse, with this physical link to that era in my hands. I'm living proof that the war did end and life did go on and we can all look at the end of the world as a long-ago memory.
Reading old books is cool enough, connecting our minds and hearts through the ideas of people who lived long ago, but there's something extra profound about holding a copy of the book that comes from the time that it was written. It's a physical link between the past and the present connecting me to those long-ago people. A piece of the past come into the future that gives me the chance to almost take the hand of some long-ago reader, to hold something they could have held, connecting not just mentally but physically to their era, a moment of connection across more than a century.
Excuse me while I go weep.
#books#history is awesome#of course i checked it out#i had no real intent to read wwi non-fic but i couldn't just leave my new friend there it'd be lonely#i want to break out in tears every time i look at it#it's so stupid but sometimes something stupid just kicks you straight in the heart and you just gotta deal#it's old front line by john masefield#i know nothing about it except thinking the author's name sounded vaguely familiar#also the interior design is fantastic#these old books know how to use white space and make something super readable#if you must know i was in the wwi section because i was at the history museum the other day#and saw a local author had a book of wwi letters#thought i'd see if the library had it#looked at the selection of non-fic surrounding it and thought of the wwi persuasion#saw many books that could be useful#and thought 'oh no this looks like fun'#it won't go anywhere i know i won't be able to focus long enough to do real research#but darn if it wasn't an appealing little daydream
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LIVE LAUGH LOVE FENGQING FOREVER!!!!!
#I am an avid fengqing enjoyer#I LOVE THEM SO MUCH#they are in love your honour#madly in love#fengqing#mu qing#feng xin#tgcf#I have a looooot of doodles from back when I was first reading the books#might post those later? we'll see#heaven official's blessing#tgcf fanart#tian guan ci fu#fengqing fic authors are sooo cool they make every au so awesome sauce#I love modern fengqing a lot :] and them being teenagers back in xianle#Skipsart#fanart#hualian invented love yes but FENGQING???? IT SPEAKS TO MY SOUL I LOVE THEM SO MUCH#it took me so long to draw feng xin's outfit right in the first drawing 💀
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[Fic Book Covers 11+12/?] Integrative Approaches by Nnm / @mouseonamoose
Demonology and the Tri-Phasic Model of Trauma
As soon as Aubrey Thyme, psychotherapist, had opened her office door and seen her new client, Anthony J. Crowley, sitting in her waiting area, she was observing and assessing him. At first glance, she paid attention to the following: --His clothing was expensive and stylish; --He wore very strange but noticeable cologne; --His relationship to the seat he occupied could only, very loosely, be described as “sitting;” --He looked angry; --He was wearing sunglasses. What Aubrey Thyme, a professional, thought, upon first seeing her new client was: you’re going to be a fun one, aren’t you?
Angel-Centered Therapy Through A Multicultural Lens
“I’d love to meet with you,” Davey said, apologetically, when he had been called up by a fellow looking to initiate therapy, “but I’m all booked up for months.” “Are you sure?” The fellow said, through a poor connection that crackled. Davey had been sure. And yet. Right there in his calendar was a blank spot, just a few days away, which he had somehow completely overlooked before. “How about that…I’ve got Wednesday at eleven, if you can make that work.” “What a miracle,” the fellow said, “that would be just the perfect time.”
#fic book cover#fanfic cover#fic rec#good omens#demonology and the tri-phasic model of trauma#angel-centered therapy through a multicultural lens#Nnm#illogical makes#these have been sitting in my drafts for...a long while bc they didn't feel quite right#until i was struck with: they look so brand-new-textbook-right-off-the-shelf. they look too neat and pristine#they need some wear and tear. they need to look like the paperbacks i read 100000 times in middle/high school#and once that was added it really came together imo#anyway. these fics are so lovely & gentle & supportive and i read them at a time when i really needed a story that said w/ its whole self#'things can and will get better. it may be difficult. it may be painful. it may not be the same as it was before. but it will get better.'#so thank you for that <3
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I LOVE Teen Stan and Ford, it’s sad they don’t get drawn enough, so thank you so much!
Does Ford ever help Stan when he gets overstimulated? Or maybe when he has a rage response and suddenly starts crying and calls himself stupid?
Here's the other post with Ford
#I am once again asking someone to write me a fic about these two posts. pretty please 🥺#this took me way too long to think off#the dialogue was escaping me#if you can guess what the book he's reading is... you won't win anything I just think it would be cool#maybe Stan got upset about his grades. or a boxing match ir something#sometimes I too bite myself. not deep enough to draw blood but enough to bruise. it's gotten better over the tears but still#now and then...#anywayszzzzzzzz#ask#anonymous#gravity falls#stan pines#stanley pines#stanford pines#ford pines#teen stan#teen ford#art#fanart#traditional art#watercolor#the last few drawings came out so nicely#both of them are emotionally constipated in their teen years (and onwards honestly) so instead of addressing the crying they ignore it#they pretend it never happened#btw here you can see my (successful) attempt at putting Ford out of the picture so I don't have to draw more#comic#long post#look at their socks#I forgot the 's' in 'books' I'm so stupid god
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since i've seen others talking about this, as someone who writes predominately lengthy fics (5k+ words), what annoys me the most is that i've seen so many people on tumblr & tiktok specifically say "i hate when writers have too much build-up and don't get straight to the smut, i just skip to it." ???? writers spend HOURS on pieces like that, and to find out you don't really care is very disheartening & is quite literally going to kill not only writing on these platforms but literature as a whole
#ppl on booktok getting upset when there's no smut in a book or it doesn't compare to the fics they've read ://#personally i don't like smut unless i care DEEPLY about the characters and to see that those are the most widely recommended books rn#pains me a little bit#and i write long pieces bc i enjoy them but#to know that people might just skip straight to the smut is upsetting#fics longer than 2k words rarely get many notes on this platform which is so sad bc that is where people get the most opportunity#to showcase their skills
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A Batfam AU where instead of going to get Dick to be Robin again Tim uses necromancy to bring Jason back from the dead. He just leaves Jason on the Wayne doorstep with a 'do better this time' sticky note. Batman can't find out who did it and Tim stays his little latchkey self with semi ok but distant parents (cus canonical they weren't really abusive just not there which isn't good but they could be worse). His parents bring him along on trips but again they love him but they just leave him to do as he pleases. so in Paris he ends up still getting trained by Lady Shiva. This keeps going and Tim just keeps reviving batfam members, if they fake their deaths and Tim tracks them down to check on them. They still have no idea who their shadow is, they can't find him, Tim likes it this way. Bruce goes MIA and Red Robin happens just minus Tim actually being Red Robin. The JLA doorstep gets a passed-out Batman with a 'I can't believe I have to keep doing this shit' sticky note on his head.
#now you're probably going Batcaves i see those fics all the time? and my retort is those are babyified Tim Drake fics. he then gets adoped#the batfam and has a coffee addiction. i want a Tim Drake that treats the batfam like how wildlife rehab centers treat animals. they make#themselves knowable of the subject. they're striving to improve their quality of care. establish safe working habits. share skills. put car#of the subject over personal gain. be professional and humane. protect welfare of the subject. release the subject as soon as appropriate.#it's just his subject is batvigilantes not a racoon that was on the side of the road.#tim drake#batman#robin#dc comics#dc universe#detective comics#batman comics#batman and robin#batman au#and i think Jack and Janet being abusive is getting boring. have them be ok parents. they give tim a long leash but fail to see hes using i#for his own fun. they never told him he CANT learn necromancy and revive bat vigilantes how was HE supposed to know it's a bad thing??#maybe they should have looked at what he was doing while they were off. (like Phineus and Ferb. He asked if he could learn self-defense.#he learned from Lady Shiva not at the YMCA. He asked if he could read a book on necromancy! you didn't tell him he's not aloud to use what#he learned! he asked if he could go to the cemetery to see Jason! you didn't say he couldn't revive him! and so on)#Tim: mom can I learn self-defense while in Paris?#Janet: that's a good idea there are so many pickpockets here a little training would be nice for you. do you know a place?#Tim: Yes! her name is Sandra#Janet: cool. if you think she's the best choice. here some money.#Tim: Thanks Mom!#janet drake#jack drake#fanfic idea#fic idea#fanfic ideas#batfam
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Haymitch: *has the 'oh, no, sweetheart. I know you, but you don't know me' card locked and loaded for if/when she gets too close*
meanwhile, Katniss: *demonstrates Haymitch Abernathy Clairvoyance™ whenever she gives just one iota of thought toward him*
There’s only one way Haymitch could have won, and Peeta says it just as I’m reaching this conclusion myself. “He outsmarted the others,” says Peeta.
(next book)
Haymitch makes a beeline for his cliff and has just reached the edge when she throws the ax. He collapses on the ground and it flies into the abyss. Now weaponless as well, the girl just stands there, trying to staunch the flow of blood pouring from her empty eye socket. She's thinking perhaps that she can outlast Haymitch, who's starting to convulse on the ground. But what she doesn't know, and what he does, is that the ax will return. And when it flies back over the ledge, it buries itself in her head. The cannon sounds, her body is removed, and the trumpets blow to announce Haymitch's victory.
even more impressively, without Peeta's input,
The sixteen-year-old boy who won the second Quarter Quell must have had people he loved - family, friends, a sweetheart maybe -that he fought to get back to. Where are they now? How is it that until Peeta and | were thrust upon him, there was no one at all in his life? What did Snow do to them?
(pages later)
"My mother and younger brother. My girl. They were all dead two weeks after | was crowned victor. Because of that stunt | pulled with the force field," he answers. "Snow had no one to use against me."
which is why this:
Maybe he wasn’t always a drunk. Maybe, in the beginning, he tried to help the tributes. But then it got unbearable.
is canon to me, no question.
#haymitch abernathy#katniss everdeen#hunger games#i've read many incredible fic where this wasn't the case#but i fully believe we're meant to infer that he was not a drunk from the very beginning#24 years is a long time and there was a slow and steady (and then all at once) decline to where he is by the 1st book#(snar)king of my heart
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mirror of ecidyrue book 3
#drarry#sorry I have a long list of doodles for this fic it like consumed two weeks of my life I got no sleep and miraculously still got work done l#thanks for joining me in my brain worms whoever reads this#oops this actually happened in book 3#x’d I need to sleep more I’m mixing up details
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Me being totally normal: I can surely figure out what page he's at if I stare at it for too long
Also me, staring at it for too long: Wait...is he reading....the foreword...? I can't believe it took me this long to realize Vegas is reading the first page here. It might not even be the foreword, it might be info about the author, it's so funny. But don't worry, the good news is that he's actually reading the book in this scene:
which, of course, you can make the claim that beforehand, he was not in a good mental state (Vegas? not being mentally well? No fucking way right?) so he was trying to distract himself from whatever the fuck the whole thing he's doing at the safehouse is, but after him and Pete talk and bond and all of that good stuff, his mind can focus and actually read the damn book. Sidenote Because I'm a bit insane and very committed in finding things to obsess over with my hyperfixations, I estimated the possible percentage of the book he might be currently at, then went to the appropriate page and found this line there: "He felt very gay and light-headed, and quite forty years younger, as he walked to the door."
I swear to God, it was there, and I laughed so hard they must have heard me over in Thailand.
#this is the shit that occupies my brain every day#I might have a problem#I'm actually in the process of reading Childhood's End for a fic idea I got at random and would really like to see if it'd work#me sweating above the pages: how can I make it connect to Vegas????#surely they didn't make him read this book specifically only for its title right? RIGHT?#(the most probable answer is that yes it's because of the title but where there's a will there's a way)#(and I have a wild imagination when it comes to connecting two completely different and unrelated things together because I love them both)#(stay tuned for a fic that's coming in December for that lol)#anyway have I said how much I love this show yet?#I love this show and the brainrot it's given me#I hope it stays for a long ass time#vegaspete#vegas theerapanyakul#meta post
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just some 🥥 related sillies i've made for that fic we all know.
#durarara#izaya orihara#shizuo heiwajima#shizaya#a cheap imitation#i made a thing#i've been holding off on posting these here for so long whoops#i'm so shy... check out my lemonade guys#i've been very motivated to make various things for this fic as a result of this book club i've been hosting for my friends#i actually made the first image (not the video) like two years ago?#back around when i first read the fic and started being annoying about it to my friends#never posted it though because the shizuo i drew was ugly!!!#and the shizuo i drew for the second image this time around is still ugly!! unfortunately :(#well anyways if it isn't clear the images are both for chapter 19 while the video is for chapters 28 to 29 and a little bit of 30 lol#also i know izaya's actual problem isn't fucking shizuo but kissing him lol but it was funnier to keep it like this#you can check out more of this deranged behaviour over at my twitter of the same name#i know not everyone wants to go there though especially with the current situation...#so i'll try to bring over the more memorable stuff to post in batches over here which i think is the stuff i did any art for#since i've made a lot of multimedia type things dedicated to particular chapters as “marketing” for my friends#but i'm not sure they'll make much sense out of context so#my plan is to compile all of everything i've made for the fic during the book club into a powerpoint that i'll try to keep for posterity#because ngl i feel i went kinda hard with certain things that maybe only two people will appreciate#but i'll do it for those two people out there#also it's a whole book club for aci!!#*i'd* want to see what some random people have been up to with a book club for this fic#be the change you want to see in the world#side note i wonder if having so many fucking tags on your own post is a bad look...#idk it's so much clutter but i have too many things to say!!#i look back at my own previous tags and i physically can't bring myself to read them ahhhh#i hope anyone's enjoying them anyways
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Recently fell in love with @zebsfloppyears ' Kalluzeb work and HAD to draw a little something for my favorite piece. gay love and sci-fi horror, what's not to love?? anyways, read The Depths here
[ID: A fic art illustration stylized like a comic cover. In the foreground, Zeb and Kallus are kneeling. Kallus holds his forearm— which is raked with claw marks and coated in green kolto slime. He turns to look at Zeb, expression vulnerable and eyes glowing the same color as the slime. Zeb looks at Kallus, one hand outstretched to his face and his expression a mask of concern. Behind them, Sabine is in a stormtrooper suit, holding a blaster up cautiously and eyeing the surroundings dubiously. Chopper is next to her and faces the contents of the center of the frame: an empty kolto tank, glass walls shattered and green kolto dripping down the sides. Ezra (also in a stormtrooper disguise) approaches the tank, holding his lightsaber aloft and looking intently into the dark. The center tank is filled with the words 'The Depths' and at the top of the image, the author's AO3 name 'DownToTheSea' is visible. The darkness behind the tanks is populated with faint, glowing eyes. End ID]
#guess who's read over a million words of Kalluzeb fic in the last month?#im so normal about them (<- blatant lie)#IT'S BEEN TOO LONG SINCE I'VE DONE FIC ART#ive been on that queer book illustration game and it was nice to take a sec to get back to my roots (fake covers for fics i love)#anyways this fic is horrifying and moving and delightful 12/10 would recommend#mx vienna's characterization and sense of dramatic pacing are both FANTASTIC#kalluzeb#downtothesea#garazeb orrelios#alexsandr kallus#star wars rebels#swr#star wars#kallus#little museum#zeb
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@keferon OKAY BUT LISTEN YEAH I would loved if it was just fun ehehehe and sassy flirting with the demon no one sees pfffht, literally summoned a demon just to flirt with, and I guess it could have been going for a long time, just little strips with their funny adventures and then plot can go to the fact that he wants to give him a body and Shockwave would agree or that they just stay the way they are and just hang out like this together (Alo I remember that you wanted to put Ratchet (I keep writing Ratched instead of Ratchet buuuh) and Drift in it as another demon and their summoner thing whghweghgwe but I like how you made two separate stories for them that happen at the same time, okay I am actually PRETTY MUCH invested in this story, I like a lot how it goes and gets tangled and how mixes up with idw ideas and other stuff a lot)
BUT NOW that you changed it that way, you made a few more things that reader might be interested a lot in, like that promise he made and you mentioning that he will regret it, how their relationship progressively develops, plus the fact that Blurr was a frivolous slob gifted with dark magic AND how the tables turn upside dow and he get consequences for what he did in the most unpredictable way for him and how he surely changes in his behaviour, getting more and more concerned about his promise and maybe truly loving someone for the first time in his life and wanting to change something. And then figuring out that that same demon actually was a person before, someone he knew, someone respectable, kind, shiny, absolut sun of a person, who died (I am still on my knees waiting to know how exactly he died...) miserably to the point that he absolutely can't stand his life as a demon and NOT EVEN being able to kill himself!!! And Blurr was a pupil in his school, he saw him, he gifted him an ability to make his magic work for him, gave the freedom to live among everyone to all who was poisoned with this dark magic. OH WAITA HGSDHAG the thing that beastformers can't walk among transformers and the fact that dark spellers also could not, and how these events happen at a close times, OKAY so dark spellers got their kind of freedom thanks to Senator Shockwave (OH MY GOD what if Orion can see Shockwave and will recognise him right away COUGH) BUT I am wondering if beastformers will get some kind of an official declaration or some kind of school to be educated in and I wonder if Deadlock/Drift (I think after leaving he will change his name from the last episode...) will volunteer to be a teacher t be something more, or he will just end up with Ratchet wandering around the world, or maybe there will be a whole damn revolution where all monoformers and beastformers leaded by Drift go against the system, and maybe these events happen at the same time as a Senator Shockwave fighting for the rights of gifted... Okay I'm getting carried a little bit ahsghag excuse me... OH I GOT carried away A LOT I wanted to get back to the point that Blurr, now figuring out the past of Shocwave, dealing with all the events, dealing with what he has done and find a way to free them, at the same time STILL having adventures and fun since I'm sure he can be a good mood lifter to moody Shockwave and even see him in a really good mood since he is... well, not just a demon made of hatred but the wonderful kind of person in his previous life... (okay being carried away but what if Orion might declare the freedom to beastformers (AJHGAJHSDJAH OH MY GOD I IMAGINED JAZZ AS A PANDA HAVING A ROMAN WITH PROWL AND PROWL NOT KNOWING ABOUT IT OKAY SORRY) after seeing what it lead to after Senator Shockwave. And maybe Ratchet will be able to get his sign back freely after revolution will be successful or he will be forever blind just to be free and safe with his husband OKAY LISTEN I think it is obvious that I really like the thing you do....
#I mean I will repeat one hundred more time that fanfics are really hard for me to read... I just can't concentrate on that for a long time#if they are not VERY good.. usually it is much easier for me to read real books#So I know little about characters slowly reading idw and I can't just jump on plenty of fics and just look at them from afar#But such little comic... yeah#the characters in them are understandable for me you put emotion in them and growth that I can easily read on and just observing things#also it is much easier for me to see a ready pictures to jump on something to animate and it goes so smoothly that I still wonder how you d#it and I am absolutely not okay about this fact pfffht#Aaaaah why am I saying all that... where from I started and where I was leading to...#I THINK I JUST WILL SAY AGAIN THAT I LIKE THIS AU WHEEEEEEEZE#Also rewatched your tags under First Aid and... I forgot the name *cough* you can see how good I am with names VORTEZ! Fixed ehfghasghagfe#And yeah ahsghdgahg... I can't read such fics. I like when I see that characters can stand for themselves and it isn't an abuse....#I mean it is okay to show the hell they go through BUT only if from both sides#I didn't read ShockBlurr fics but from what I've been hearing from you both... I wouldn't like it#So I'm happy I come across your version of them and I LIKE IT#And I LIKE the First Aid pair with Vortex if I see a good version of them#I mean in idw he is *muah* put him in a blender but I don't see a good way of using his perks and First Aid's perks good together#They both are maniacs PFFFFHT so yeah... fics disappoint me and I barely read them even if to get better at understanding characters#So I'm happy about what you do since I am very slow at getting into stories like transformers even if I like it
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i think i’m entering a new hyperfixation and oh man it’s fucking bridgerton
#i wasn’t immune to polin#no i wasn’t!!!!!!! oh god but this is such a weird feeling#i guess that ever since i watched 911 and buddie happened for me there hasn’t been anything new#thats too long… but now i feel so weird idk why lajdjdjf it’s like wow. wow i want this to consume me in such a way….#i’m rewatching part 1 .. i read the book this weekend… and I’ve tried finding fic but haven’t had any luck as of yet#earlier I thought that maybe i still need to understand their dynamics better so i can understand what i feel like reading#like. i need to realise what it is about them that makes me ‼️‼️#i believe it’s the colin of it all . he’s just so …… anyway yeah#just wanted to share. it’s a weird feeling but also. exciting!!#bridgerton#polin
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Let me tell you a story...
It starts in the summer of 2021. Honestly it probably starts a little before that. 2020 through 2022 ish are a bit hazy because there was a lot of sitting around at home doing nothing.
Somewhere in that haziness my partner goes “wait, you haven’t watched this Good Omens show yet? And you haven’t read the book? … oh no. You should do that.”
And immediately after finishing the show I knew I was in trouble. I knew if I read the book I would absolutely fall down the fandom rabbit hole and be trapped, and so for a very long while, I didn’t. Until I did.
And then in August 2021, I wandered into fandom. I had been lurking. Seeing what AO3 had to offer. Crawling back onto Tumblr. But I had a story idea, and I needed a beta reader. And the last time I was in fandom, LiveJournal was still a thing, so I didn’t know where to go.
I found out about Discord, and I signed up for a thousand servers, it felt like, and in one server I bravely started sticking my neck out.
There was talk about someone writing a Human AU on a farm, and farm animals in general, and I chimed in about goat-scaping. And then I made the joke that would seal my fate.
“I don’t know if I could write a kid fic, but you know. I could write a kid (goat) fic.”
It was meant to be a short, sweet, meet-cute. Professor Aziraphale has a goat from the goat scaping team break into his office. Based loosely on a campus experience where a member of the goat-scaping team at a campus I was on tried (and failed) to get into a classroom once.
A simple formula. Maybe a 4+1? 4 times a goat broke into Professor Aziraphale Fell’s office, and one time it didn’t.
I even found the first beta reading request. First chapter done, I’ve got four more planned. Rated T.
Ha.
I started writing Chapter 5, you know, the final chapter, and realized—there’s more to this story. These characters have life, and story, and who doesn’t want to see more goats? Also, had I truly fulfilled the “kid-fic” portion of my joke?
I think we can all agree that no, no I hadn’t.
So, I kept writing. But I also found my stride in other Discord Servers and in Fandom in general. And in the winter of 2021, I went on a beta-reading blitz for the Gift Exchange happening in the Do It With Style Events Discord server. I read something like 14? 15? stories in a very short amount of time and in doing so, got to know some really amazing people and began to carve out my spot in the community.
From this server I found folks with lived goat-experience who were willing to share and advise me. From this server I found beta readers and brit pickers willing to cheer me on and guide my writing to the best version it could be. I found friends and joy and I found community.
And if you look very carefully through the pages of Bleating Hearts, I think that at its heart, past the puns, past the obvious fast burn love story, and the crooked Luce Matin and demanding James Starr, and even beyond the goats, it’s a story about finding your place in a community. While we talk about Aziraphale and Crowley and their relationship, so many people have asked me about Anathema and Crowley at the chicken coop (we only got to see Newt and Aziraphale in the bedroom). The most commented on scene is Anathema pulling the car over and getting Aziraphale’s consent to go to Tracy’s for lunch.
It's a story with goats, romance, and drama. But it’s a story about community.
I have thanked the people most involved a thousand times over, and I will always take an excuse to thank them again. @ambrasue, my ride or die beta reader. She is who to thank for the sentences making sense. And for me not beating you all over the head with the word “Gently.” HolRose, for the Brit-Picking and second pair of eyes when Ambra and I had gone cross-eyed, and always, always, always having a kind comment ready to go for every chapter update. @writingordinaryrealities, for all things Goats, and for not laughing at me when we met in person and I lost my cool over real life goats.
@mirjam-writes! Mirjam made me my first ever fanart for one of my fanfics! And so many more of you have followed suit and I never know what to say when I see it but I always make a noise and run excitedly to my partner and flap my hands and show him his heart and he always gets the dumbest smile and goes, “I love when people make you goat fanart. You are adorable when you’re verklempt.”
But also, the DIWS and Good Omens community. Every single person who shouted at one of my snippets when I needed a boost and shared a bit of what I was proud of. Every single person who tagged me in a goat video—you all have tagged me in so many goat videos. I watch each and every one of them. Every single person who got excited when I said I was finally ready to start posting.
Because you see, that support, that community, led me to pay it forward. At TIC4 in 2023, I had just finished my panel on beta reading and was feeling a bit amped up. I saw in the chat that someone wanted to talk Slow Show and Human Aus and, I don’t know if y’all know this, but uh, I’m a big fan of human AUs. And so I hopped into the break out room and met J.
J is a lovely human who has been fandoming since the OG Star Trek days with Kirk and Spock. She had found a physical copy of Slow Show and just needed to talk to someone, anyone about it. She wasn’t sure what the Archive was, she was still learning her way around digital fandom, and I instantly wanted to reach out and help her find community and joy the way I had when I got started in the fandom. So, I sat down and I gave her my favorites. I told her how to find me on socials. We connected on Discord. We sent each other long letters back and forth on Discord sharing our joys and frustrations and our love of GO and talking about all sorts of other things. And it has been amazing listening to her stories and getting to know her.
Unbeknownst to me, J had reached out to @brunheiffer to ask for a physical copy of Bleating Hearts. Now—I’m all for fandom in the physical space, but it’s never even crossed my mind to do more than something printed out at my home printer, hastily hole punched, and shoved into a binder so I could sneak fanfiction reading time during 5th period math class after I was done with my worksheets many, many, many moons ago. When brunheiffer reached out and asked if they could print and bind a copy for me—I didn’t know what to say. Or do. Or think. I think I keysmashed? I keysmashed after I made my partner read the message out loud. And then I went and looked through tumblr and all of brunheiffer’s excellent work. And then I went, “Do I say yes?” and he went “um YES OF COURSE YOU SAY YES. WHAT”
So, I said yes.
I also said yes to progress shots and got to watch some of the coolest work ever. I didn’t know how books…ya know…booked. Witchcraft probably? I’m still convinced there is witchcraft involved, but there is also an incredible amount of skill, and time, and patience, and hard work, and love that is put into making a book a book. And learning what I did, and watching the process, and seeing the care that brunheiffer put into each of the three (THREE!) sets of books that were made (one for me, one for brunheiffer, one for J), was just stunning.
Do you know, J reached out to me and apologized for not asking me first and asked me if it was okay that she had reached out and asked if brunheiffer would do this for her? Why would I ever be against something so heartfelt and kind?
I cried.
I legitimately sat in my office and cried.
When people ask me how I write the way I do, or why I write, or anything along those lines. I have the same answer. “I write for myself.”
Oh sure, I started to write Bleating Hearts to make Ambra laugh and/or have feelings, but at the end of the day, when I write, it is because I need to get the bed time stories I tell myself at night, the day dreams while sitting on the bus, out of my head and somewhere else—so that a new movie can play. And when I write, I write knowing that I will come back to that story. That I will forget the little pieces (because I have a pretty shit memory tbh), and I’ll be able to go back, and wrap myself up in the comfort of the story I have written, and be surprised by some of the little details I left as presents for myself. And be excited. And be happy. And watch my favorite movie again.
So every time I see someone make art of this story, or talk about how they love the story, or how happy it made them, or the feelings it inspired, or how reading goats made them want to write their own fanfiction—I get, well, like my partner says, “verklempt.” I don’t know what to do with that feeling, other than to just be overwhelmed that somehow something I made to entertain me has brought other people so much joy. Has helped people connect and find community.
What a powerful and beautiful thing that is.
Not everything I write is going to be Bleati—y'all I am just going to call it Goats. Calling it Bleating Hearts feels so weird. It’s Goats. That’s the name of the story. That’s my name for the story.
Anyway.
Not everything is going to be Goats. I’ve got some wips in the hopper right now that are um…lots of angst and heavy spice. Not everything I write is going to be liked by everyone. Some of it may even offend you.
But knowing that this one thing has inspired you all to the point that I’ve been gifted the ability to hold my story in my hand?
That’s powerful.
And it only exists because this community, this Good Omens community, has come together and chosen joy.
There’s some bad apples out there, there are in every bunch. But I am liberal with my block button and have been blessed to find a welcoming and warm community that creates some amazing and incredible art—whether that’s like actual like digital or pen to paper art, or the fiction you write, or the podfics you record, or the meta analysis you write, or the playlists or the animatics or the beta reading or the shouting unhinged support or the role playing or the plushies, or the books you bind—this community is full of incredibly creative and amazing people.
So thanks, y’all, for letting me part of your community, and enjoying my silly little goat fic. And thank you brunheiffer and J for this amazing gift.
If you haven’t read it, or just want to reread it, you can read Bleating Hearts (GOATS) on Archive of Our Own.
All my love,
HK
(I am the most cringe sap on main right now. No regurts)
#long post#with photos#bleating hearts#hk writes#hk is having a MOMENT HERE#OKAY#I'm FINE#LOOK AT THE THING#brunheiffer made a hat!#where there wasn't a hat before!#someone please get my sondheim references I am begging you as a fandom#I literally wrote you a Sondheim and Good Omens primer#I'll put it in a fic next#no#don't let me pick up more plot bunnies#I am actively writing three stories right now#stop#I'm crying over these pictures though#honestly fuck the pictures I'm trying to keep myself from shaking these books apart#I keep touching them#I don't think they're real#there is an argument happening about whether they are allowed in the main shared space bookcases#or if they are to stay on my private bookshelves in my office#I am voting private bookshelves#my partner is against this#please weigh in if you've read this far: let the books be part of my good omens collection in my office#or display them proudly in the main space
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Ya’ll I used to jokingly consider this, but nah, there is enough evidence in the book to suggest:
Henry ruins Dorian out of spite and jealousy towards Basil for moving on from him.
Let’s get right into this.
I went back into the book because I wanted to review the post I made about Henry and misogyny earlier. Besides the usual annoyance at Henry’s dumb stupid rant, I noticed this line:
“I had buried my romance in a bed of asphodel.”
And then it hit me that Henry’s worst rants about women only come after the topic of marriage, but more specifically, commitment. Which then led to an even more interesting idea: I’m pretty sure Henry mostly uses ‘women’ as cover to complain about Basil and Basil’s ‘lack of commitment to him.’
I want to note that there’s a lot of interesting things in regards to Henry and his relationship with women that I’d love to go into, but this will focus solely on him and Basil.
Here’s what Henry says in his misogynistic ass rant after Sibyl dies. (This is from the 1891 ver):
“But [Sibyl] would have soon found out that you were absolutely indifferent to her. And when a woman finds that out about her husband, she either becomes dreadfully dowdy, or wears very smart bonnets that some other woman’s husband has to pay for.”
Basil is often considered ‘unfashionable’/‘dowdy’ by Henry’s standards. This is only further proven in what he says about Basil’s disappearance:
“Why should he have been murdered? He was not clever enough to have enemies. Of course, he had a wonderful genius for painting. But a man can paint like Velasquez and yet be as dull as possible. Basil was really rather dull. He only interested me once, and that was when he told me, years ago, that he had a wild adoration for you and that you were the dominant motive of his art.”
But that isn’t all. The last part of that quote matches one to one to Henry’s claim about women (or Sibyl, specifically). Basil was not only ‘dull’, but his only ‘fashionable’ attribute, his art, grew ‘dowdy’ once he discovered Dorian’s indifference to him.
Henry also says this about women:
“Good resolutions are useless attempts to interfere with scientific laws. Their origin is pure vanity. Their result is absolutely nil.”
And later:
“But women never know when the curtain has fallen. They always want a sixth act, and as soon as the interest of the play is entirely over, they propose to continue it. If they were allowed their own way, every comedy would have a tragic ending, and every tragedy would culminate in a farce. They are charmingly artificial, but they have no sense of art.”
Guess who makes resolutions regarding goodness? Basil, who refuses to believe that Dorian is nothing but a good, pure man.
“[Basil] could not bear the idea of reproaching [Dorian] any more. After all, his indifference was probably merely a mood that would pass away. There was so much in him that was good, so much in him that was noble.”
Basil’s arc traditionally should have ended once Dorian rejects him. Between that chapter and the chapter where Basil dies, there is no mention of Basil in any form. By all means, Basil’s role in the story is over—and then he demands the ‘sixth act’ to confront Dorian.
And finally:
“Besides, nothing makes one so vain as being told that one is a sinner. Conscience makes egotists of us all. Yes; there is really no end to the consolations that women find in modern life. Indeed, I have not mentioned the most important one.”
“What is that, Harry?” said the lad listlessly.
“Oh, the obvious consolation. Taking some one else’s admirer when one loses one’s own.”
Now before I point out the obvious irony of Henry literally 'taking someone else's admirer' (henry actually has a lot in common with his 'criticisms' of women), I want to bring your attention to a key part we don’t discuss enough about in the book.
““Life has always poppies in her hands. Of course, now and then things linger. I once wore nothing but violets all through one season, as a form of artistic mourning for a romance that would not die. Ultimately, however, it did die. I forget what killed it. I think it was her proposing to sacrifice the whole world for me. That is always a dreadful moment. It fills one with the terror of eternity. Well—would you believe it?—a week ago, at Lady Hampshire’s, I found myself seated at dinner next the lady in question, and she insisted on going over the whole thing again, and digging up the past, and raking up the future. I had buried my romance in a bed of asphodel.”
So I’m gonna make an educated guess and say Henry is lying his ass off here. He did not have a ‘romance’ with a woman. He certainly did not get an emotional, romantic attachment with a ‘woman’. I feel comfortable saying this because 1) his general distaste for women literally points to this being bullshit and 2) a significant change that was made from the 1890 version of the book to the 1891 version.
This is the quote in 1890:
“I once wore nothing but violets all through one season, as mourning for a romance that would not die.”
This is 1891:
“I once wore nothing but violets all through one season, as a form of artistic mourning for a romance that would not die.”
Well, well, well, who is the arti—It’s Basil. He’s literally talking about Basil here. AND GUESS WHAT VIOLETS MEAN IN VICTORIAN FLOWER LANGUAGE?
A couple of things actually, but the top three are:
‘Faithfulness, Modesty, and Love.’
Henry emotionally had been faithful to Basil. While I doubt he was monogamous in anyway, Basil held a special place that no else would ever have. Not even Dorian.
And this brings me back to the quote that originally sent me down this rabbit hole:
“I had buried my romance in a bed of asphodel.”
In the 1890 version, it says:
“I had buried my romance in a bed of poppies.”
Poppies are known to mean death and would have fit perfectly if Henry was saying he felt nothing for the relationship, but what does asphodel mean?
‘Love Beyond The Grave’, ‘Remembered Beyond The Tomb’ and sometimes, ‘My regrets follow you to the grave’.
(NOTE: please keep in mind floriography could mean certain things based on the color and the type of flowers. That being said, considering Wilde described the shit out of every setting he wrote, the lack of detail about the flowers suggest the most broad meaning is meant to be taken.)
Henry isn't over Basil. He couldn't kill the love, so he buried it and took Dorian as a consolation and revenge. He will never be able to get over Basil until Basil or himself dies.
BOY DO I HAVE GOOD NEWS FOR HENRY/s
#long post#this is an opinion and a theory.#the picture of dorian gray#basil hallward#dorian gray#henry wotton#book theory#been workshopping this for some time#this post is very long and i didn't even get to go into my favorite example ;-;#anyways shout out to TheMissingMask on Ao3 for writing the fanfic that first got me into this theory. Their fanfic Eros is really good!!#You should read it#honestly read all their tpodg fics#does this make me an english major? uh oh#if someone else has made this kind of post already my bad lol#use this as supplemental or even confirmation#i will be back with the more headcanon-y part that relates to the first chapter alone. but for now i've got a chapter to finish ;)
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