#earlier I thought that maybe i still need to understand their dynamics better so i can understand what i feel like reading

[lovvelorrn]

i think i’m entering a new hyperfixation and oh man it’s fucking bridgerton

[lurochar]

Before It All (Pt. 3)

Warnings: Obsessive Alastor

Part 1 + Part 2

---------------------------------

It really was you.

His nameless Doe.

You seemed tense, clearly uneasy by the static he emitted and his presence alone by the looks of your erect ears and puffed fur of your tail.

(How cute, you had your clothes altered for your tail. A shame he hadn’t noticed it back when he had summoned you).

Alastor was now used to fellow demons being unnerved and frightened in his presence and so they should be, but you – there was no reason for you to be so anxious in his company, though he supposed he could understand it somewhat.

The power dynamics were completely turned around.

You had no advantage over him, he wasn’t that weak human anymore.

But still, Alastor didn’t like the fact you were so wary of him, so he needed to lighten the mood, break the tense atmosphere, and there was no better way than reminding you of your encounter with him when he was the weaker one, when you had the power over him, was there?

“How I’ve missed your wonderful ears, my nameless Doe.”

Alastor always did find your ears fascinating.

He may have his own pair of deer ears now and they had their uses – his auditory senses were vastly superior when compared to his human self, so much so, it took a week or two for him to adjust to sensory overload. They also gave any would-be attackers a false sense of security, he was just a deer demon, so he had to be weak.

Ripping those sorts to shreds felt much more satisfying.

But his ears were so damn sensitive to touch that Alastor had no idea how you didn’t just melt into a trembling mess when you allowed him to stroke your ears all those years ago.

He needed to move on from these thoughts before–

You blinked at his odd greeting, your body relaxing slightly from its earlier tensed position that had been poised to flee at any given second.

You blinked again.

And then you let out a loud yelp of surprise, springing forward when you felt icy cold hands playfully tug on your ears from behind. 

–before his shadow acted upon them.

You reeled around to see what had touched you, not expecting to see a grin right up in your face and you stumbled back a bit, happy enough that you didn’t embarrass yourself in front of the Radio Demon/Alastor by letting out some sort of pitiful sound like a scream or shriek.

“I do hope you can excuse my shadow’s behaviour. The poor thing can hardly contain itself, seeing it is a reflection of me.” Alastor gestured the shadow away, which it did after giving you a last glance before it vanished. “Well then, should we do now what we should have done twenty-four years ago?”

You’re unsure what he is talking about.

“Introductions, my nameless Doe! Unless you prefer that name over your real one.” Alastor bows in a flashy way. “Alastor Hartfelt! But you already knew that, correct?” He stood up straight and eyed you expectantly.

“It’s nothing special, it’s just Y/N.” You shrug before eyeing Alastor intently and you hope you don’t get killed or worse for your question. “You just seemed like a miserable boy brought up in a miserable situation, so I gave you a pass. I thought if I got rid of your main problem, maybe you could live the rest of your life normally. You didn’t even make it to forty. What happened?”

Alastor hummed. “It would turn out that my father was only a drop in the bucket. After that wretch was gone from our lives, my Mama instilled in me the importance and value of women. Women are not second-class citizens nor are they property, but this way of thinking was uncommon and misogyny was everywhere.”

You think you can guess where this is heading to…

“I killed men, men like my father. Men who see no problem in beating their wife. Degenerates that stalked the alleyways for their next rape victim. For over a decade, I was the ‘Bayou Butcher’. It’s only due to the incompetence of a hunter that I am here now.” The expression on his face was that of delight. “I have no remorse. I thoroughly enjoyed every second of it.”

Oh.

It’s… it’s not what you wanted for Alastor, but you remembered that sheer hatred in his eyes. Something that deeply rooted wasn’t so easily erased, even if the main cause was taken out of the situation.

Unfortunately, you were not wrong in guessing Alastor would eventually condemn himself to Hell.

Fortunately, you had held onto Hartfelt for the past twenty some years.

You do have another question, but you know better than to ask.

Some demons don't care, but some demons can get quite offended if asked about their appearance and why they ended up looking the way they do. It’s personal, tied to their sins in life and their manner of death.

Asking Alastor why he ended up as a deer demon, a prey-based demon, could get you killed or maybe worse.

“I was mistaken for a deer by an inept hunter who took a shot before bothering to confirm what he was shooting at.” Alastor answers easily and casually, as if reading your mind and knowing what you want to ask. “Do not be afraid to ask me anything, my lovely Doe. I assume you heard my message on one of my broadcasts, yes? I meant every word of what I said.”

Lovely Doe?

‘I told him my name…’ You decided it didn’t matter too much as it wasn’t demeaning or degrading. You’ve been called much, much worse and on a regular basis by Hartfelt, so hearing an affectionate(?) nickname was a bit of refreshing change–

Should you be thinking that way?

Your ears dropped.

“Listen, Alastor,” you noticed his eyes seemed to glow brighter from you simply saying his name, “I messed up that day. I… I shouldn’t have touched you, let alone hug you. There are countless reasons why most demons don’t have free access to the human world. Contact with demons tends to screw humans up. Even just one night with a Succubus or an Incubus can fuck up humans for months and they’re low-class demons.”

Alastor simply tilted his head.

“I’m mid-class and… and I should have known better.” You sighed. “I think I messed you up in some way by touching you and letting you touch me.”

You were taken back when Alastor started to laugh and your ears flattened completely, slightly bothered by his reaction to your words.

Did you say something amusing?

“Oh dear me, you have twisted it all around in your worrisome mind, haven’t you?” Alastor chuckled. “So you have yet to realize you saved me and my Mama from that piece of scum I had to call ‘father’? My life even? Had you not killed that man for me, I would have made a clumsy attempt to murder that man, whether I succeeded or not. Such a thing would have cost me my life much earlier. I would not have been able to pursue my career and take good care of my Mama until her final days.”

You flustered, not sure what to say back.

“I lived my life the way I wished to because you freed me from that man. I am here in Hell purely of my own actions, though perhaps a little earlier than expected. You are very much downplaying what you are to me and I cannot say I care much for it.” Alastor couldn’t help the loudening crackle of his static.

“...okay…”

“Pardon?” Alastor’s ears twitched at the mumble of your voice, though he heard you just fine. He wanted you to clarify what ‘okay’ meant and look him in the eyes as you did so. He wouldn’t trap you in a contract like the fools whose souls he owned, but with his guaranteed protection for nothing more than just staying at his side and within his sight, how could you refuse?

(Though, if you wanted to give him your soul, he certainly wouldn’t turn it down).

“Okay! Maybe I didn’t fuck you up! Maybe you were… a little ‘different’ from the start!” You weren’t sure how to say ‘psychopathic’ in a nice way. “I still felt guilty about it this entire time. I hoped differently, but I knew you would probably end up in Hell.” You admitted, huffing when Alastor let out another chuckle. “So I did something to try to make up for it in case I did mess with your mind somehow.”

“Hmm, and what is that, my lovely Doe?” Alastor’s smile seemed to widen and it may be hidden from view, his tail wagged in excitement. “You thought of me, even before I landed myself in Hell? I must say, I’m quite flattered!”

“I looked for him as soon as I got back from the human world and found him before he understood how… things worked around here.” You didn’t feel bad in the least. “So I tricked him into making a deal with me. Shelter, food, simple basics for his soul. He didn’t seem used to living on the streets, so he took it right away. He didn’t understand what it actually meant to give your soul away.”

“Well done! What a delightful little tidbit! I had no idea if you would be interested in the art of deal-making. I would be more than happy to guide you. Why, I already own a great number of souls myself.” Alastor’s smile turned a little more sinister and he felt his blood heat at the thought of watching you trick some desperate fool into giving you their soul.

He would slaughter an entire district just to see that.

“I’ve… never really thought about it? I just do what I can to get by. Prey and livestock-based demons don’t have it easy in Hell.” You were sought out for your meat after all. “Anyway, I thought I’d make it up to you by – well, that demon whose soul I own is your father’s.”

The static around Alastor went completely silent.

You swallowed thickly, suddenly nervous. “I, uh, I always intended on giving you ownership of his soul whenever you ended up here, if you ended up in Hell. You can do anything you want to him, I have no intention of interfering if you… wanted to broadcast his torment or something.”

Shit, why was Alastor staring at you like that?

Was it the wrong choice? Did he want nothing to do with his father?

“W-WAH!” It was the most pitiful fucking noise you could probably make, worse than that earlier yelp when Alastor seemed to melt into the floor through a void of shadows and then reappear right in your personal space before you comprehended what happened. That was not the reason you let out a damn bleat before you could help it, though.

Alastor was stroking your ears just as he had done twenty-four years prior.

“A gift from you is always welcome, but this – I never imagined one that would bring me such… joy. Truly, you were always meant for me, my lovely Doe.”

“S-so, I take it you want ownership of his soul?” You struggled to get the words out, feeling your vision blur for a moment. You let out a breath of relief when Alastor reluctantly released your ears, but he didn’t step away from your personal space.

“Yes. I’m more than willing to give you a soul – ten even, in return. Mama may disapprove of it, but I will pay back a thousandfold and more for what that man put her through. He will suffer the worst torture I can possibly think of.” To your amazement, Alastor’s pupils spun into a shape that resembled radio dials before returning to normal.

“It’s a gift. You don’t need to give me anything back in return.” You blinked in surprise when Alastor poked your cheek, pinching it playfully before tutting at you. “What was that?!”

“You have been here longer than me, but it seems I must teach you a few good lessons.” Alastor held out his hand invitingly. “Before this transaction, would you like a tour of my radio tower?”

You placed your hand in his. “You’re going to have to explain it like you would to a child how this radio stuff actually works. I can turn my radio on and change the station, that’s about it.”

Alastor felt that chill that followed him all his life leave him and his smile felt genuine for very few times that it was as he felt your hand wrap around his.

He may be dead and in Hell, but his (after)life was looking rather bright – he still could enjoy his passion for radio and he no longer had to hide his true sadistic nature and homicidal thoughts. Better yet, he could combine the two and broadcast tortured screams for denizens of Hell to hear!

He was powerful and feared, toppling Overlords to become himself in an extremely short period of time and he owned multiple souls to do his bidding whenever and whatever he wanted – and soon, he could add his miserable wretch of a father to his collection to torment all he likes.

Best of all, he finally found you, the demon who made this all possible for him and now that he had you in his grasp, there was no conceivable way he would ever let you elude him. He could certainly give you the illusion of freedom and space if that’s what you wanted.

He was charming, he knew that, it’s all he needed to win you over.

Perhaps it would take a little time and patience, but he would get what he wanted in the end like he always did.

His lovely Doe. His new wife.

It was a dream that Alastor was going to turn into his reality.

----------------------------------------------------------

I hope this ending was satisfying

Tags: @alishii @yourdoorisunlocked @godsent69 @eris-norwega @catticora @tayraedoll @michi-keinz @martinys-world @n0tmentallystable @xalygatorx @everwolf-20 @yui-onnero

[pjo-tvs-version]

I know that no one asked but I just wanted to add my two cents to the current pjo era we are having right now...

First off, I love Rick and the books he has written but honestly tsast and wottg aren't some of his best works. That's not the problem because yeah not all books can be amazing but the problem is that they are his most recent ones. Cotg was better than these 2 but it too had it's drawbacks. Now I have this thing where if I like something then however bad it it, I try to make myself enjoy it. It's like a coping mechanism- delusion. But with wottg, I actually sat back and thought. Since when did I take a week to finish a pjo book? I am the person who finished Hoo in like less than a week and I took a week to finish wottg which took me aback. The characters were very oc. Grover was perhaps the only character close to his actual well character. I don't usually nitpick but like I had said in a post earlier, continuity and callbacks in a book series are what make them extremely enjoyable and small textual errors are like pricking needles to me.

My main issue was Annabeth and then Percy. Look in know in this fandom there are many Annabeth antis and that's fine, I accept that. But now the worst part is that what they have said about Annabeth is to some extent true in this current Annabeth version we have. Look Leah is great and I love her with all my heart but Rick please don't mingle both of them together. Let show cannon be separate and book cannon to itself. Let Annabeth in wottg be her book character like please. She has friends? Great! The main thing we know about her friends are that they think Percy isn't GOOD ENOUGH for her? Awful! She is the mom friend? Okay(though I personally believe it should be Grover but fine if people are okay with it this is just a personal opinion guys)! BUT that should not make Percy 'alley boy.'

This brings me to the second part. We love Percy and love his humor. Well I recently reread the Battle of the Labyrinth (don't ask why I don't know I just had the sudden urge to read it). He isn't very confident and does underestimate himself often but it wasn't taken this FAR. Every single next line was describing how Percy sucks at everything while Annabeth is here in all her perfect glory and believe it or not this is coming from me, who loves Annabeth. I love Percabeth because it's a balance. They balance off each other soo well. They both comfort each other. They both know that they are smart. They both know that the other person has flaws. But in wottg it's just downright annoying because the dynamic is just "ooh look my gf is soo amazing, totally flawless with no error and here is me who sucks at any and every thing possible." This isn't the Percy we know nor Annabeth nor Percabeth.

LET ANNABETH BE IMPERFECT! AND PLEASE GIVE PERCY THERAPY because he needs it. For the next book Rick please just hire a better editor because I am not going into the MISTAKES in these books. You can hire me if you want because I swear I can do a better job than your editor. Seriously literally any pjo fan would do a better job. Wottg felt like maybe the second draft of the work which required maybe 3 more drafts to be published. It felt like an unchecked fanfiction and believe me that I have seen better fanfictions on AO3. The pjo fandom is an extremely loyal fanbase which is an extremely cool thing. But the problem here is that people like m even though I didn't really enjoy wottg, I would still hope for a better sequel because gaaahhhh optimism. I am actually wary of the sequel to tsast but that's for another post.

Whew! Talking so negatively about something was a new experience for me because I absolutely love pjo and will always keep it close to my heart. Rick please for the sake of advertisement please don't publish uncooked gibberish because it actually breaks my heart too see the hate and for once I understand it. Anyway, wottg wasn't all that bad. To balance out this post, I'll make one on the portions I liked because there were a few moments that were worth reading. Extremely sorry for the scattered thoughts and the rant but thank you and have a great day everyone !

[venus-is-thinking]

DRDT Chapter 2 Episode 16: Initial Thoughts

Sorry for missing episode 15 :(

That being said, oh my god, Chapter 2 is actually complete! This is so exciting! I'm really hyped to talk about this episode and give my not-live summary of my live reactions!

SPOILER WARNING FOR DRDT THROUGH THE END OF CH 2!!!

CW: Murder, sacrifice, suicide

The Reactions

12-1, this time. I'm still personally partial to the extra vote on Teruko last Trial being Arei (being petty about her "I'm voting for you no matter what" thing), so I would assume Ace is the Teruko vote. If so, I do think it's interesting that he voted Teruko as opposed to, like, Nico. Then again, it might be that it's just more convenient for DRDTdev to consistently put the extra vote on Teruko, lol.

Notably, the dead people have "N/A," not 0. We probably could tell this because of Xander last time, but I didn't check. I wonder if this implies we won't ever need to vote for someone dead (ex. a mastermind who "died" earlier in the killing game).

I'm free... I can read whatever Eden says as genuine...

Take THAT, Whit time loop theorists /j

I do think it's funny/kinda telling? that Whit is only saying this after the trial is over. Like, I feel like the normal time to go "oh my god we're having another trial" is, like... when you find the body? So, it's interesting that his reaction is so delayed.

So, I don't know if this was an intentional parallel, but...

These feel similar to me. I really like the Ace/Arei parallels, where they're both chronically hated people, but Arei apologizes and tries to change whereas Ace lets the fear and paranoia consume him until there's no turning back. Ace only says this after he's already been found guilty of murder; Arei says this before promising to change her ways to the victim of her bullying.

Teruko out here hopping on that self-blame train.

It's so funny how different Hu's standards are when talking about Ace's murder vs. Nico's attempted murder. Like... Hu this is what everyone was telling you like an hour ago. What.

It's really interesting that we're highlighting this line. I wonder if this is part of a theme that we're going to explore further, maybe tied into the "all murderers have to be punished" thing. Or maybe Eden isn't actually accurate here, but doesn't know it; has Ace killed someone in the past?

Fun trick you can do here!

When we first met Teruko a week ago, she was the same person, certainly, but she was also different. She was happier, and she trusted people more.

There are so many good character parallels in DRDT. The Ace/Teruko one was really interesting in this post-trial.

Ooh, new flavor of J anti-murder! This seems to be broadening it to also being critical of the killing game, which would go against my weird hypothetical "J is anti-murderer but also the mastermind" read.

It's interesting, with how this is Ace's logic. It makes total sense for his character, though. I think it's easy for us, the viewers, to forget the fact that the characters probably don't have the precedent of "every blackened ever always loses." When Ace is running the odds, he thinks his survival odds were better as a killer than as a participant in the killing game. And y'know, considering how close he came to dying as Nico's victim, that's kinda fair.

I desperately want to know what Levi was going to say here.

I really like the fact that Ace DID care about Levi. That he intrinsically cares about him, but he knows factually that he isn't supposed to like or trust someone in a killing game. That once he killed Arei, he had to resolve to kill everyone in the killing game, even Levi.

The only way Ace knew to prevent himself from caring was to stay mad, I guess. Kinda unfortunate though, considering that I do think Levi wanted to patch things up with him genuinely.

Meanwhile, Levi, who doesn't understand emotions, is just like "man what the fuck. That makes no sense."

What a pair. I'm sad we're not going to get to see their dynamic anymore :(

In other words, I'm back on the Levi survivor train baby! My biggest problem with it before was that I thought Ace was gonna survive and I didn't think Ace and Levi were both gonna survive, so now we're locking tf in!

This is fun! I always wonder why more people don't try stuff like this. Like... shoot your shot. You're gonna die otherwise, soooo...

Great animation as always

I think it's really funny that Teruko is so fucking mad that she bullies Ace into action. Like, that's so fitting for both of them.

I love using this David expression here. He's just like, "was it that easy? Why was I trying to throw the trial then???"

aaaaAAAAAAAA--

What the fuck!! XF-Ture mention!!!!!!!!

I like the spooky vibe MonoTV has for this post-trial, but I do hope we get our normal silly lil guy back next chapter. I like the MonoTV personality we see all the time. I'm gonna miss it if it just died like that :(

I am also squinting so hard at everyone's reactions through "who is the mastermind" goggles. Maybe I'll analyze them in a different post sometime.

Fascinating purpose. Not "to create despair." Not "to run the killing game until only one participant survives." To kill everyone.

Does this include whichever mastermind?

Why does whoever programmed MonoTV want to kill all of these people? Are they being punished for something?

This countdown sequence fucked me up. The tensions and emotions are so high. Even as someone who was confident that Teruko, at least, wasn't going to die no matter what, I was so on edge. I got really scared that Eden was going to take the hit for Teruko, though, and that's what I was reading into when I wasn't sure Eden would make it to Chapter 3.

This speech, more than any other one Teruko has made or any actions she's taken or endured, really made me feel for Teruko. The fact that she can so casually talk about truly traumatic and horrific things happening to her, while smiling, truly shows how much she's grown used to it. Like, girl. You don't deserve this. What.

The character work on Teruko especially this episode is just fantastic. No words.

This panel stressed me out so bad because it was really just a question of WHO took the bullet for Teruko. Like, if she's thinking this, someone clearly did.

My bets were on either Eden, Charles, or Ace.

Levi, though, was such a surprise to see. Like, in a good way. It means so much.

First of all, it's a callback to the end of the prologue. Levi attacks MonoTV, and when MonoTV tries to kill him in response, Teruko's danger sense alerts her. It's only through Teruko warning Levi to move that Levi dodged the main attack, resulting in only an arm injury rather than death. Now, Levi returns her favor, preventing her from dying from attacking MonoTV.

Second, it puts Ace into the position we see of having to confront the possibility of Levi's death. I got the distinct sense that they wanted Ace to be able to do something heroic on his way out, to prove all the haters wrong (which is why I thought it was possible he'd take the hit for Teruko instead of Levi). By putting Levi, pretty clearly the person he cares most about, into harm's way, it makes Ace take action. It means that he HAS to confront the fact that he cares Levi, and that he has to die.

And, thirdly... I am so fascinated to learn why Levi did this. Was it as simple as a transactional, "you saved me from execution before?" Is it "I thought saving someone would make me a good person?" Does Levi actually feel some remorse for Teruko in this moment, causing him to take action?

No matter what his reasoning, I can't wait to hear from him. I strongly suspect Levi won't actually die from this (at the very least, I hope not, because I really want to hear more from him), but even if he does, hopefully we'll still get some more insight in a bonus episode or a flashback or something.

I'm trying to figure out what triggered Whit here.

This is immediately following "The elevator won't open," but it also definitely can just correlate to "[person] will die if they don't receive immediate medical treatment." I have to assume that something here is reminding Whit of his mom...?

With the weird "Whit knows a lot about hanging" earlier, I got the impression that Whit's mom probably hung herself. From this, I would probably theorize that Whit found her while she was still alive, but not quickly enough to save her. Yikes.

Anyways, I think that means everyone has some kind of despair sprite now! That's fun!

o7

I'm sure many have pointed this out, but do we think he's counting himself here (Arei + Ace + Levi = 3), or do we think he feels responsible for someone else's death in his past (probably Taylor)? I'd lean towards the second one.

Y'know, before I thought Arturo was just pressed about the surgeon thing because people were unfairly hating on him. This, at least, I think implies something relating to Felicity.

Arturo doesn't have any experience saving lives. He left, and Felicity died. He can't save lives; he's only responsible for Felicity's ending. I think that's how he sees it.

On a side note, I think there's a very definite possibility that Chapter 3 cold opens on Arturo saving Levi's life??? Like, how Chapter 2 started with Eden POV, I think Chapter 3 could start with Arturo taking his shot at healing Levi, eventually resulting in Levi stabilizing. I'm not sure who would be there with him. Possibly Hu, since she was leading the "let's get Levi to the infirmary" effort...?

I love executions like this. Accirax has said before that the best executions are what make their recipient feel the most despair, and that's definitely what they did with Ace here. Put the talent aside; fear is what Ace fears the most.

Uhhhh. I'm pulling an Accirax. Part 2 in reblog!

[kinkyrafe]

Vanilla Night

Kinktober, October 26

THIS WORK IS 18+ ! MINORS DO NOT INTERACT!

Summary:

The one where everything is softer than it usually is.

Warnings: dom/sub dynamics, domme!reader, sub!rafe, very explicit

taglist: @yagirlwrites @audzzz @valyrianflower @aariahnaa

_

Rafe looks worn out the moment he steps through the door. His shoulders are tense, jaw tight, and the usual light in his eyes is dim. You can tell it’s been a rough day. The plans you made earlier in the week—dinner out, maybe a movie after, followed by great sex—were canceled when he texted you about how he was feeling down and just not up for it that day. You didn’t mind; you just wanted to see him, to be with him. So, you suggested something low-key instead, telling him he could come over, order some food, and watch a movie. No sex. No pressure.

You were a little surprised when he finally agreed—and here he is now, sitting on your couch in a pair of your sweatpants, playing with your hair, looking a little more relaxed after a quiet dinner. You put on a movie, something mindless that neither of you really pay much attention to, and as the night wears on, you reach over to rub his neck and shoulders. The tension that’s been building there all day starts to melt under your touch, and he leans into you with a soft sigh.

“This feels nice,” Rafe murmurs, his voice drowsy as you massage the back of his neck, your fingers working out the knots in his muscles.

You smile at the sound of his voice, pleased that he’s finally starting to unwind. “Yeah?”

“Mhm,” he says, then adds with a wry chuckle, “But you’re actually making me very horny right now.”

You pause for a second, then laugh softly, your hands still on his shoulders. “Oh, sorry. Didn’t mean to…”

“No, don’t stop,” Rafe quickly interrupts, his hand reaching up to cover yours on his shoulder, his touch gentle but insistent.

You raise an eyebrow, intrigued. “You want me to make you horny?”

Rafe shifts a little beside you, as if trying to find the right words. He grins. “Depends.”

“On what?”

He exhales softly, glancing over at you. “Could you just… go easy on me? I’m not really up for a whole scene tonight. I don’t have the energy for a challenge. I would just fail, and I don’t want you to have to punish me or anything.”

Your heart softens at his honesty. It’s never happened before for Rafe to admit when he’s not up for something intense, and it shows just how much he trusts you to understand. “I thought you didn’t want to have sex tonight,” you tease lightly, letting him know you’re listening without pushing.

“Can’t a guy change his mind?” he replies, though his tone is more tender than cheeky. “I feel a lot better now. This… all of this has helped. You helped.”

You take a deep breath, your gaze softening as you look at him. You want to be sure, completely sure, that this is what he wants—that he’s not asking for intimacy because he feels obligated, just because your relationship—or whatever this is at this point—started off as only sexual. “I wouldn’t want to exploit your vulnerability,” you say carefully, searching his face. “That’s not why I asked you to come over even though you felt like shit.”

Rafe’s expression immediately softens, and he squeezes your hand reassuringly. “I know. I didn’t think that for a second. If you’re not comfortable, then it’s okay, but I don’t feel exploited at all. On the contrary, actually.”

You hold his gaze for a long moment, seeing the sincerity in his eyes, the trust there. You take a deep breath and nod slowly. “Okay. So you’re asking for sex, not a scene.”

Rafe swallows, his fingers still playing with yours. “Yeah, basically, I guess.”

“I won’t be comfortable dropping the power dynamics completely, though,” you say carefully, knowing you feel the safest in the structure you usually create.

He nods, understanding. “I know. I just… don’t push me too hard. That’s what I’m trying to say.”

You smile softly at that, appreciating how clearly he’s communicating his needs tonight. “Okay then,” you say, getting up and extending your hand to him. “Come with me. Let’s have some vanilla sex.”

Rafe stands, his hand slipping into yours as you lead him toward the bedroom. Once inside, you turn to face him, your expression serious yet soft. “I’m going to ask for a lot of confirmation today, alright?”

“Yes, ma’am,” Rafe replies, his voice steady, a grin on his lips. He is really looking forward to this, you can tell.

“Color?”

“Green.”

You nod, stepping closer, your hands moving slowly, deliberately, as you reach for his wrists. “I’m still going to tie your hands,” you say softly, your eyes meeting his. “How do you feel about that? Green for alright, yellow for no, red for ‘I changed my mind, sex was a bad idea.’”

He takes a deep breath, then gives you a small, but sure smile. “Green.”

“Good.” You grab the softest rope you can find, wrapping it securely around his wrists. “Lay down,” you instruct, guiding him gently to the bed. “And keep your hands over your head.”

Rafe lays back and stretches his arms over his pillow, his eyes on you, his breathing deepening as he settles into the bed. His body is relaxed, but you can sense the slight nervousness, the vulnerability that came with admitting he needs something softer tonight. It’s super intense in its own way. You only realize now that both of you have probably underestimated it. Still, somehow you know that it is still you, who needs to be the secure one about this—always clarifying exactly what you expect of him.

You climb onto the bed beside him, your hands moving to his chest, rubbing gently at first, just to keep that sense of connection. You lean down and press a soft kiss to his temple, your lips barely brushing his skin as you whisper, “Let go, babe. Let me take care of everything. I’m gonna make you feel so good.”

Rafe exhales slowly, his eyes fluttering closed as he nods, letting himself sink further into the mattress. “Okay,” he breathes.

Your hands trail down his body, slow and intentional, your touch gentle but commanding. You make sure to check in with him through every step, gauging his reactions, watching for any sign of hesitation. But all you see is trust. Rafe trusts you with everything in this moment—his body, his mind, his vulnerability.

“You’re perfect for me,” you murmur softly as your hands find their way to his hips, the words slipping out before you can stop them. But they feel right—true, even.

Rafe’s eyes open briefly, a soft smile pulling at his lips. “You think so?” His hands twitch but he doesn’t bring them down to touch you.

“I know so,” you reply, leaning down to kiss the corner of his mouth before continuing to kiss your way over his jawline and his neck down to his chest.

“You know you’re damn perfect yourself,” he whispers back just as gently, his body reacting to your lips on his skin.

As you move lower, you take your time, savoring every inch of him. There’s no rush tonight, no need for the usual games or control. You can feel how much this intimacy means to both of you, how it’s not just about pleasure but about care, about seeing each other fully.

You pause just before reaching his thighs, glancing up at him. “Do you want me to keep going?”

“Green,” he whispers, his voice soft but sure.

You smile and continue, your movements slow and deliberate, making sure he feels every touch, every kiss. You watch the way his body reacts, how he relaxes more and more under your hands, how his breathing grows more labored, his pleasure building gradually.

You keep checking in with him, asking for confirmation, making sure he’s comfortable every step of the way. And each time, his answer is the same—green, always green. Because tonight isn’t about pushing limits or testing endurance. Tonight is about connection, about softness, about being exactly what you need from each other.

As the night wears on, Rafe’s body responds to your touch in ways that tell you just how much he trusts you—how much he needs this, needs you. And in this moment, you realize that this is more than just a night of comfort for him. It’s proof that no matter how tough things get, no matter how much the world weighs him down, you could be here to hold him, to take care of him. Somehow, deep down, even though you’re not sure enough to admit it, you know, that you are perfect for him.

And he, in turn, is just as perfect for you.

[shotanzz]

RIIZE ENERGY CHECK ~ based on tarot

reminder this is based off of my interpretations of the energy and cards I receive and is not exact fact unless said so by the members themselves; energy is subject to change or manifest differently so my reading may differ from others

Note: Are they allowing me to do this reading ? (Temperance) that is a confirmed yes. The only member who was more private and didn’t share specific details was Seunghan, which is understandable !

Shotaro: alrrrrr it seems like as of late Shotaro has been putting more effort into taking care of himself and his wellbeing (KoP, QoC, The Empress) he may have recently recognize that he falls into intermediate work cycles that aren’t balanced (The Devil, 2oP Rx) of him working himself thin and pretty hard and then having a rest period but not really fully rejuvenating himself during the resting periods. (8oP, 4oS, QoP Rx, Temperance) also recently social life wise he may have a mature individual that he holds respect for and wants to better solidify their dynamic or add them into his social life (could be an earth sign) (4oW, KnoP, Strength) [channeled song Self Care Mac Miller]

Eunseok: hm so the energy is pretty chill here. Eunseok recently is still more comfortable and optimistic about his future with being in the kpop industry than he was during December. (3oW, 9oC, AoP) but he lowkey feels like other aspects of his life especially his social life is being lowkey hindered by it (3oC Rx, The Hermit.) he also might feel like he’s not pushing himself to his full potential (The Magician Rx) so recently he might be exploring or learning other talents and skills so he can be more satisfied with his abilities (7oC, PoS) the phrase “I’m good but I can always be better” is coming up, the energy doesn’t seem like he’s degrading himself so there’s no need to worry.

Sungchan: SO ! in my last energy check sungchan was excited for an upcoming project or event of sorts that was exciting for the members and briize this was before their recent promotions and after boomboombass promotions so maybe it was referring to their japanese release lucky ? for the recent reading he doesn’t have much to share (energy seems hectic or busy) . I do however think he’s planning or has a specific goal of sorts that he wants to execute after all of their traveling is over (The World Rx, 2oW, 7oP). He also might be feeling nostalgic lately or comparing how different his earlier days within the industry were vs how things are currently; it’s a more positive comparative energy however (6oC, 2oP, The Lovers) he also might be trying to befriend, hang out or collab with his seniors currently (KnoC, The Emperor, 3oP)

Wonbin: This reading’s energy was a bit strange because the energy doesn’t seem super fresh and might be more of an older thought or situation. There was a mental conflict he’s had (AoS Rx, 5oW, 2oS) he has a very particular opinion about how briize views his interactions with them, and he’s for some reason very concerned about whether or not he appears genuine or sincere it seems like he’s worried about being seen as fake or being misjudged (Judgment, 7oS Rx, KnoC Rx) However I do think he’s aware that this is essentially in his head and doesn’t reflect his actual connection with fans (The Moon, 2oC) It’s lowkey ironic that this theme came up around the time they do fancalls and the fancalls being reposted, maybe he’s focusing how he’s perceived .

Seunghan: This reading will be short and sweet because only 4 cards came out (Death, 8oP, 4oC, The High Priestess) hes in a state of contemplation and transition. He’s realizing that he needs to have better discernment and needs to build his prospects from the ground up, the phrase “if you keep carrying the same bricks you’ll build the same house again.” is coming up. With this realization and acceptance he can finally have an easier transition to the next phase he’s trying to reach, he may have a specific plan he’s following. He also could be being lead by a person (or multiple) who has the knowledge and discernment to guide him to a new prospect for his own benefit.

Sohee: He’s opened up recently and is giving more of his internal self to others (4oP Rx, 6oP, 8oS Rx, PoW, PoS, PoC) SOO MANY PAGE CARDS 😭. an event possibly around the winter time made him feel a need to wall himself up or to be more careful with how close he gets to people or how much of himself he should share (5oW, 5oP, 9oW) he isn’t secretive in a sneaky sense he just wanted to be more intuitive and selective of who he got close to. He also has a desire to be able to separate and divide between coworkers that he just works with and genuine friends and peers (The Lovers Rx, 7oW, 6oW) he possibly has realized that due to being an idol in itself can be a tumultuous journey he doesn’t have to endure it without support from outside the group (8oC Rx, 2oC)

Anton: He currently feels like he’s getting the full scope of benefits and struggles that comes with being an idol, he’s always essentially knew or had an understanding but now he’s beginning to fully see the dichotomies within the industry (The Sun, The Devil). hes very aware of how he’s being viewed in the media/online, the phrases “if you think I know, I most likely do” and “gotta be in the know to know.” he for sure has a general idea of how he’s perceived (KoS, PoS, 7oP, The Heirophant) However it doesn’t seem to be shaking the confidence he’s recently gained and some of it may even be adding to it (The Emperor, KoW). He might have a personal project or something that he’s working on solo that he may have to show or get reviewed by a higher up or someone with more experience (KnoP, KoP)

[paracosm-writing]

"𝕓𝕦𝕥 𝕀 𝕝𝕠𝕧𝕖 𝕙𝕚𝕞"| Reiner Braun (ft. Eren Jaeger)

Previous Chapter

Pairing: Reiner Braun x Reader, hints of Eren Jaeger x Reader

Word Count:

Summary:

TW: kidnapping, hostage situation, angst, unhealthy power dynamics, toxic relationship, Stockholm syndrome, slight yandere! Reiner (?), canon divergent, time inconsistencies cause a girl just jumped right into season 4 without recapping earlier seasons and the manga

Once you’d received Eren’s letter, you stowed yourself in your bedroom and sobbed for hours. From relief that you were not forgotten, grief from all you’d suffered.

Then you’d slipped on one of the pretty blue dresses only Marleyans had the luxury of affording, slipped on your armband, and an uncomfortable pair of shoes, and strolled out your room.

Your nerves were shot when you found Reiner in your small, bare living room, dressed in uniform, a rifle tucked at his side.

He regarded you with apprehension, his breath taken away. It was both beautiful and unsettling to see you dressed in modern clothes. An uncanny sight, as if the pieces were beautiful but didn’t quite fit.

That’s what it was like; looking at you now.

And he averted his gaze, to not make you uncomfortable because even though he held you at night, you were both enemies again by sunrise.

Reiner had made peace with that, accepted it even. He'd gotten his final look anyway.

“Y/N, I want you to know, whatever happens, everything I did - down to the very end was to protect you,” he said, a firm with conviction, gazing at you for the last time. “I tried. It might not have been the right way. But I understand now who I should’ve been protecting you from.”

“What are you talking about?” You whispered with bated breath, and as you studied him, you remembered your promise to each other; ‘If you need me, I’ll know.’

You knew he needed you, although you couldn’t understand why. Still, your heart seemed to race as if to tell you, ‘Something is wrong.’

“The memories, Y/N,” he said. “I didn’t just see you and I together, I saw you dying. Over and over and over again. In different ways, different places, by different people. I had to protect you so I did what I thought was right.”

You couldn't breathe. "What you thought...was right?"

You waited for tears to fall, from frustration or an abomination of love you weren't sure. You were never sure what you were feeling when it came to Reiner anymore. Because he was loving you as he was hurting you because he was both your lover and your enemy, your husband and your captor.

But the tears wouldn't come, as if they were blocked by some hidden dam in your heart.

"You wouldn't," he looked down, hesitated, and then tried again. "You couldn't understand."

You waited for anger to rise in you, the familiar emotion that raged within you whenever Reiner spoke of things he just "couldn't explain." But all that was left was a haggardness that seemed to weigh on your shoulders, and you remembered how so, so tired you truly were.

"Reiner," you whispered. "I never asked you to save me. I never asked you to be my savior. Whatever would've happened, you were supposed to just let it happen, maybe it would've been better than this-"

"You died with Paradis," Reiner said solemnly then."When the world came for the island, all of you lost."

For a moment you were so speechless that not even a thought could formulate, your mind going completely blank and you blinked rapidly, and took a step back.

"I-I don't care," you managed hesitantly. "I would've gladly dedicated my heart-"

"Commander Erwin was willing to sacrifice you and your regiment every single chance he got-"

Your hands grew clammy, but still, slowly, you shook your head. "Captain Levi would've never let him sacrifice me even if I wanted to-"

"And Eren Jaeger would've killed you. Twice," Reiner finished, a dark look in his eyes of gold as if the thought of it enraged him.

If only you could see what he'd seen; Eren Jaeger failing his regiment, leading to your death countless times over, or the darkest memory of all, your mangled body and Eren's dismissive gaze as life literally seeped from your eyes.

How could Reiner not come to the conclusion that he needed to tear you away from Paradis?

But it had come at the cost of hurting you anyway. You were yet another reason he wanted to die, and yet there had once been a time when you were a reason he wanted to live. That maybe, just maybe, he could be a hero. If not to the world, then to you.

Now you were looking at him as if he himself had killed you. As if in saving your life, he had murdered you instead.

You took in all this information as if you'd been hit by a great force, grabbing the edge of a dining room chair for support, squeezing your eyes shut. You waited for tears, for sobs, but still, nothing came out. Though you could feel something inside of you.

You were glad because you were afraid that whatever came out, wouldn't be angry. It was as if with every day you spent in Marley, every night you spent in Reiner's arms, the fighting spirit inside of you ebbed away. Now it came in waves, and whenever you tried to latch on to it, it would fade away - no matter how much you wanted it to stay.

"I don't believe you," you said weakly. "You're-you're lying. You can't see anything, you're just saying this to me so I'll-"

You didn't realize you were crumpling to the floor until Reiner was falling down with you, just as you'd done for him the night before. Just as you'd both done for each other countless times after expeditions. You couldn't help but lean into him as if it were a natural instinct built into you and sob, disgusted at what a betrayal it was to your comrades, yet not wanting to let go.

Reiner's hands were in your hair, brushing back tendrils as he planted a kiss by your temple. He held there, eyes closed, taking in his last moment.

"The last thing I wanted to do was make you cry, princess," he whispered in your ear. "You're the only thing that's ever made any damn sense. Protecting you, it's what kept me moving forward, even when I didn't have a plan anymore," and then, for the first time since Marley, he spoke with complete peace, "And now I've gotta save you again, for the last time."

Something inside of you told he needed you then, 'for the last time,' but you couldn't answer it. You wouldn't. Even if he answered your call every single time, even when you never asked him to.

Because if you gave in, you would never go to meet Eren.

So you kept your eyes shut, even though your heart started to pang.

You felt him back away, kept your head down, as you waited for him to leave.

When the door closed, something tightened in your chest.

Yes, this would be the last time. Because you were going home. Yet why did home feel like it just walked out the door, with Reiner?

You wept.

¥

You found Eren sitting on a bench in front of the hospital, bouncing a ball against the ground. He nearly looked like a stranger with his long hair and amputated leg, no doubt only restrained from growing back by the wrapping gauze around his stump.

For the longest, you just stared at him from the courtyard, the enemy-in-disguise seemingly unbeknownst to your hesitant stature.

He didn't look like the hard-headed boy you knew from your youth. When your father had died, and you used to roam Shigashina to get away from your stepfather, you'd found him reading one of Armin's books near the lake and dared to ask him about titans.

He'd excitedly told you about the outside world, about the freedom beyond the walls, and you had been hooked on giving your life for humanity ever since.

Back then, you would've done anything to get away from home. Even if that meant going out into the unknown, or childish as it was, having a knight come to rescue you like the fairytale books you read with your mother.

Now you had your wish, and you'd even found the knight you had been dreaming about too. The irony made your heart pang, even more so as you remembered the small moment in time where you almost believed that knight had been Eren of all people.

It had been a fleeting moment because then you joined the Survey Corps and met Reiner, and suddenly you couldn't imagine yourself with anyone else.

'Would things have been different if it had been Eren instead?' you wondered, immediately shut down by Reiner's words.

"Eren would've killed you. Twice."

If you had heard that five years ago, you would've respectfully told Reiner he had no idea what he was talking about. That maybe he was just jealous even.

But now, after spending a year in Marley, waiting for your comrades to rescue you without a sliver of hope, a part of you wondered if it was true.

If your comrades could just let you go so easily, did they really love you? Did Eren really love you if he was willing to lay your life down for his?

You shook the thought away. This was what Reiner wanted. He knew what he was doing. He wanted you to abandon all hope and settle into a life with him, right? Right?

Yet even after all Reiner had done, you still couldn't help but believe he only wanted the best for you. You knew him. You knew him. You knew him.

The thoughts that had haunted you for 365 days started to gain momentum, begging you to turn around. Back into the arms of your captor, to this foreign place, to the one person you could trust because Reiner was just protecting you and-

Eren's eyes snagged on yours as he looked up, catching his ball.

Your breath caught, searching wildly through his green eyes, for something. Something that told you he was safe because you didn't know who was. Not anymore. Not when you couldn't even trust the man you loved.

To your surprise, Eren smiled. Or at least it was the remnant of a smile, not fully blooming, almost as if he couldn't.

It didn't feel like Eren.

But nothing made sense to you anymore.

He waved his hand cupped over the ball.

You exhaled.

¥

“I’m sorry we left you here for so long. I never wanted that for you, I never wanted you to suffer for me," Eren said.

You both sat side by side on the bench, reminiscent of the way you'd sat together as children, Armin's books sprawled on your laps.

“I didn’t suffer for you, Eren. It was for humanity - or, it was. “

“And now? - Now that you know what do you think it was all for? Do you think-do you think it was still worth it?”

“Yes...no...I don’t know.” - “Eren, I’ve been confused. So confused. I live with these people. I eat at their tables. I work in their stores. I’m married to one-“

“You mean Reiner?”

You nodded, a flurry of shame coming over you. As if he could see the nights you’d spent in Reiner’s arms as if all the hurt and betrayal and love was a gaping wound for all to see.

And Eren’s eyes narrowed, and he turned away from you. As if he were mad at the wall. As if he were mad at you for still indulging in a traitor.

“It was-“

“Did he hurt you?” He asked jarringly, eyes boring into yours.

Your heart skipped a beat, already beating so harshly that it pounded against the hollow of your throat. You didn’t want Eren to know, you didn’t want anyone to know, that you were no longer a righteous captive. That you’d done things, terrible things, to remember what love was supposed to feel like.

And yet you couldn’t say Reiner had hurt you. He’d been gentle with you, patient in your anger, the entire time you’d spent in Marley. Yes, he was your captor, but he was also your only comfort. The only familiar thing about your unfamiliar surroundings. Your only comrade in the midst of being forgotten by all the rest.

In fact, sitting beside Eren, you felt so much more distant from him now. As if he were a complete stranger.

A part of you so overwhelmed by the unfamiliarity you wanted to go home and throw yourself into Reiner’s arms.

“Y/N, did he hurt you?” Eren said again, even the way he said your name was so different. Devoid of joy, hardened and firm. Reiner never spoke like that, even when he’d yelled at you on the tree to accept your fate, it was never devoid of love for you.

Or maybe you couldn’t remember what real love sounded like anymore.

“He said he’s protecting me,” you admitted, staring down at your lap. You didn’t mean to sound small, but you always did. “He saw me, in his memories, and I was always dying, Eren. He said taking me here was the only way to protect me from...whatever he saw.”

You felt Eren’s eyes on you but you didn’t dare look at him, afraid of his judgement. Afraid of his sympathy.

“He never hurt me, Eren. As horrible as I’ve been to him, he looks out for me. If anything, it’s been me hurting him. Constantly reminding him of -but I just can’t forget,” the tears started to flow and you forced yourself to meet Eren’s eyes, still cold and devoid of life.

You grasped the hands of this unfamiliar man and bowed your head. And suddenly you understood what Reiner must feel. When the righteous becomes the sinner.

“Eren, I know you said he’s a monster but,” you gasped. “I still love him. I love him so much and I hate myself for it. I know I shouldn’t. He’s killed so many of our people, but I love him. “

The air was thick with deafening silence so you kept going, desperate, desperate for someone you could finally confess your sin to.

“I’ve tried to fight it, but I’ve given in. So many times. And I know you think he’s a monster, but I still want to beg you, with every part of my being, please don’t kill him,”

You sobbed into Eren’s hands, clinging to them, waiting for the anger of the fiery boy you once knew. You wanted him to judge you, deem you a sinner, and force you to let go of Reiner. Kidnap you, like the love of your life, had done so long ago and take you home.

Because you had lost your mind and couldn’t find your way back.

Some days you didn’t want to go back. You had seen too much. You had seen the world and you understood too much.

Was this what Reiner felt when he’d stepped foot in Paradis?

Eren regarded you with an empty stare, and only for a flicker of a second, could you have sworn his eyes were pained.

“I’m not here to kill Reiner,” he said. “I’ve come to the same revelation you’ve had here. What I said doesn’t matter, I didn’t know what I know now. What you’ve known before any of us.”

“It must’ve been hard for you to hate a monster when you know that monsters don’t exist. It was easier to pretend, wasn’t it?”

He offered a somber smile, only traces of the boy you remembered echoed in his face.

You sniffled, hung on the glimmer of his kindness, burdened under the weight of a cruel world you could hardly make sense of anymore.

Once upon a time, you thought the outside world would bring clarity, but you were lost now more than ever. And you were desperate, desperate for someone to provide an answer to the question that had weighed on your heart since you saw skyscrapers and cars and armbands and ships and Reiner, always Reiner-“What do we do now?”

He gave a small tsk then, slightly shaking his head. “Nothing’s changed, Y/N,” he said, still smiling that sad smile. “If we want to be free, we have to fight. But first you have to tell me: do you want to be free?”

His expression shifted, and you felt a bile in the back of your throat. The very thought that used to embolden you, just made you afraid now. Freedom? What did freedom even look like anymore?

Was it fighting in a war against the entire world? Or was it a stolen moment by the fire, talking to the boy you liked, blissfully unaware that your silly daydreams of marrying him would come true in the worst way possible? Was it running for the rest of your life as an enemy of humanity, watching your comrades die one by one? Or was it melting into the nooks and crannies of your husband’s arms, safe from the world, finally allowing yourself to accept the refuge those arms once were?

“I do,” you managed. “I do want to be free. “ But your throat was closing up and your voice was thick, because you didn’t know which freedom you wanted anymore.

And you loathed yourself for it.

Damn Reiner for the war you’d inherited from loving him.

As if his eyes had seen things the rest of him couldn’t sense. “Stay home and don’t go to the festival tomorrow. Someone will come for you.”

“They’re all here, aren’t they?” You murmured, your heart swelling with fear and anticipation. Your friends, they were all here.

“They’ve missed you, we’ve all missed you.” He said, but you missed the uncertainty in his instructions, buzzing at the thought of your comrades.

Your heart settled on their faces; Connie, Jean, Mikasa, Armin, and Levi, the man who’d taken you in as if you were his own daughter in that stoic way of his.

You’d missed them all. You’d believed they’d come for you, but with every passing week, you started to believe they didn’t miss you.

“Why?” You whispered. “Why did you guys have to leave me?” You didn’t mean to sound like a child, like the little girl who’d lost her mother, but you never failed to. Marley had peeled away all your layers, leaving you raw and frail.

Eren faltered, dropping his gaze, and for a moment it seemed he might cry. “Because, we thought it was a sacrifice for humanity’s last hope,” he said bitterly, angry even.

You didn’t know why you asked. In the fight in the trees, it had become apparent that they could only save one; you or Eren. The choice was obvious. You’d even begged them to leave you, even as you watched Levi battle with the realization for a fraction of a second, before Eren was torn from the Armored’s grasp.

You were at peace then.

Whatever happened, even if Reiner was lying and ended up killing you anyway, you laid your life down for humanity’s last hope and you wouldn’t have it any other way.

It didn’t hurt until you realized how wrong you all were. The pride and vanity of being a soldier had faded, and you suddenly had nothing to dedicate your heart to.

Except for one man.

“I’m sorry,” Eren said. “That it has to come to this.”

After leaving Eren at the psychiatric hospital, you walked the long trek to your doctor’s appointment, ruminating on all that was said.

The afternoon sun dipped low over the foreign country and you walked comfortably in your strange Marleyan heels past the vividly green park where Eldian children played. A rare luxury in Liberio.

Your Marleyan doctor regarded you with beady eyes, practically sneering at your Honorary Marleyan armband before she told you the flooring news.

The nausea you’d been feeling all week was in fact a pregnancy.

“How thrilled Mr. Braun will be to leave behind a legacy after his term.”

¥

Meanwhile, Eren Jaeger tossed the baseball Zeke had sent him under the same sun.

He knew Reiner’s attempts to save you were all in vain.

Your death was inevitable, and not even Eren could change it. Though he’d tried and tried and tried.

But that was the difference between them. Reiner fought to protect those from fate, and Eren was the immovable force that would always stand in the way.

He reminded himself of those words:’Keep moving forward,’ even as he remembered you and felt sick to his stomach.

Your death was etched in his memories, and there was nothing he could do about it, but keep moving forward.

[queen--kenobi]

Elayna x Wylla is my new OTP

OKAY LISTEN I'm actually having some Thoughts about them because their relationship and dynamic would be so fucking wild

(Also holy shit this got long I'm so sorry)

Like. I think they'd only be in each other's social sphere at first because of Abby. And it'd be that weird dynamic of "you're my best friend's cousin/my cousin's best friend so I'll play nice" but I think Elayna's def judging Wylla for being a Northern girl who's not a Stark (and therefore not seen as politically relevant). And Wylla is judging Elayna because she's clocking that Lannister influence (both in terms of look and personality) the minute she sees Elayna. But! They both care about Abby so they're cordial because neither of them wants to put Abby in a weird position

That being said, the first time they interact without Abby there it's... tense. Maybe they're both a little meaner than they should be. I think Wylla wins first round but Elayna wins the next. Third ends in a draw. Fourth is weird because I feel like they've both realized the other is smarter and more perceptive than they thought, and like. Idk Elayna doesn't like Wylla but also respects Wylla for holding her ground? Because lbr Elayna can and will hate someone but respect the fuck out of them if they can hold their own against her

Honestly at some point they probably just start going at each other not because they actually hate each other but because it's sort of their routine and it's weirdly fun when neither of them is in a vicious mood. Plus the more time they spend around each other, the more they kinda ease up on earlier assumptions. A lot of tension that still lingers is Wylla being blunt and Elayna being rich girl mean. Eventually I feel like they'd reach an understanding but not without both of them having breakdowns because the longer they know each other, the better they can zero in on the other's weak spots

NOW. Aemond becomes a point of contention, and that nearly makes shit go completely and irreparably sideways. Especially once Aemond realizes both of them have a thing for him? Sorry Aemond girlies, but that man is absolutely pitting them against each other. He's not used to having women be interested in him but having two? You can't tell me he wouldn't get a power trip over watching them fight

Ironically, Tymon is the one to put a stop to it because Tymon points it out to Elayna. Which is a very weird moment in their relationship because Elayna and Tymon have been fighting for years now. Make no mistake, Tymon isn't pointing it out for Elayna's sake but for his. He cannot have a nemesis who debases herself, especially for another man, because that's not a good look for him. It's not because Tymon actually still cares about Elayna in his own fucked up way. And make no mistake, Elayna only realizes what was going on because she compared Aemond to Tymon. It's not because Elayna actually kinda still cares about Tymon's opinion as a "friend" bah they're not friends

Which I think. I think once Elayna has had this realization she a) doesn't want Aemond anymore because of this and b) has let herself become a bad person because of all this. This leads her to talk to Tyland (which btw their relationship is in a really fucky stage hehehe), and Tyland gives Elayna the very sane and reasonable advice of go talk to Wylla.

Elayna about pitches a fit because that's not what she wants to hear but it's what she needs to hear. She absolutely acts like it's a punishment because she's never in the wrong. After several weeks she goes and comes clean to Wylla

I'm gonna be honest I don't think it goes over well buuuuut it actually saves things because they at least know where the other is. And they slowly and very painfully begin repairing things

...Abby is absolutely the one to nudge Wylla into talking to Elayna btw

This is absolutely where Elayna and Wylla start to become an actual thing I feel like? Like in my head when things are super toxic they absolutely have toxic yuri vibes but lmao they're fighting good luck getting either of them to even admit oh hey, I find her hot

I honestly have no idea how they would even get together but I can say Aemond probably isn't happy with this? Idk I feel like them being friends forces him to make a choice in his head? Well that and by that point I think Elayna has told Tyland she's ready to take their betrothal seriously. I think it doesn't have too much of an effect on Tyland and Elayna’s relationship? Because in my head they had a talk about their marriage being a lavender marriage fairly early on, and it does change things some because they're both attracted to the other. I think so long as Elayna comes back to him at the end of the day, Tyland is mostly okay with it. He's just sorta accepted the "this is my wife Elayna and her partner Wylla" and it's certainly a waaaaay better situation than "this is my wife Elayna and her partner Cerelle who is also my niece please don't examine this too closely I don't like thinking about how weird this is"

[yumedoca]

Heres a ransdom thought experiment

Yoy are now rumiko takashi writing UY , what is a story beat youd chamge or just a story youd like to read as you have control of the characters

Hai there, hope you're doing great!!

Yay, I love questions like these!! Thank you for the ask anon and here we go ;)

Ryunosuke. Just mostly Ryunosuke, haha. I've never actually found her dad's joke of preventing Ryu from getting what she wants funny and it was more irksome than anything, and it sucked cuz Ryunosuke's great! But what's worse is that she never gets a proper resolution about her feminine wants (even though that was the main point of her character in the first place) and it was just dropped and ignored in the end, so it never felt like her character got a true resolution. I feel like a good way to write Ryu would be to keep the relationship with her dad the same for the most of her story. And then in her last few chapters have them talk out and be in proper understanding for once. Shigeru Chiba, Mr. Fujinami's remake voice actor (and Megane in the old anime), states his view on his character in his character comments:

(Also Shout-out to Shigeru Chiba, he's awesome. He's just so great lol, literally the guy ever.)

And the idea of Ryu's dad raising Ryunosuke to be male because he doesn't want her to leave him is a great idea!! I'd make it like that's the true reason why he does it and somehow they're pushed into a corner where he's forced to admit it to Ryu. He has shown to genuinely care at least a little about her (I'm pretty sure he protected her from the boys of class 2-4 that time she lost her chest wrap) despite how he usually acts. So have them reconcile, have Ryunosuke say she'll stay with her dad if he accepts her for who she is and have him accept her feminity as a result and allow her to act and dress the way she wants. Boom! Problem solved, both sides win and Ryu's dad is made more likeable while Ryunosuke's story has a proper conclusion.

RyuNagi. It's still about Ryunosuke, I know lmao. Anyway, I've discussed how I feel about the ship and other stuff about it here (read it if you haven't so what I say about them would make more sense). It's a bit all over the place discussing various stuff about them but I'll just copy-paste the bit where I talk about how it could be done better..

It had so much potential. Nagisa had to be introduced much earlier and they should've had more chapters together. Maybe, they could've made Nagisa and Ryunosuke discuss and bond over their stupid upbringing, maybe Nagisa could feel bad for Ryu, after hearing how much she wants to be a proper woman and how much her dad stopped her from enjoying herself and maybe help her enjoy things that her dad didn't allow her to (Christmas, Chocolates, etc.) and Ryunosuke fully falls for him because of his kindness... Then their romance would've felt even more natural.

I think the RyuNagi growth would take place before Ryunosuke's reconciling with her dad in case you want a timeline and by that time Ryu would properly be into Nagisa so the romance between them still stays, even after her being effeminate.

Introduce Inaba a bit earlier and give him another storyline with Shinobu. I feel like we still don't know much about Inaba and his dynamic with Shinobu entirely and that's like my only issue about Inaba and InaShino really, so have a storyline after they started dating where we can see how they bounce off each other and truly show that they're perfect couple, idk I just want more cute stuff for them, maybe Shinobu stands up for Inaba when the other bunnies bully him, maybe we get to know more about Inaba's interests and hobbies and maybe we can have the gag stuff be silly interactions between them and maybe Ataru (and Lum) spying on them or something idk.

Give great characters who don't have much spotlight what they need. Oyuki is a good example of this since she appears the least among Lum's alien friends. I saw someone online state that Kurama should've been brought back later on, instead of just disappearing, and could've attempted to mate with Tobimaro or Shingo; and I totally agree with it.. For the former, it could worked as an Asuka plotline and could've been a great arc and for the latter, it could be chaotic since Shingo doesn't know how to respect women. These two are the main examples but there may be others..

And that's all that comes to mind now. These are like the major, main ones and there might be others but they're probably incredibly minor or I just forgor about them..

[another-lost-mc]

your posts make my day better :)) can i humbly request some tenebris crumbs 😩😭 he's my baby fr

I had a very random idea to write something about TenTen's friendship with Bathin that leads into...other things later on. Here's a sneak peek of their BFF dynamic and some of the family drama they had to contend with.

CW: Family dynamics, social drinking. Word count: 0.7k.

Tenebris glanced up from his book when Bathin strode into his home office and slammed the door closed a little too loudly behind him. As close as they were, it wasn't unusual for his friend to come over uninvited or unannounced. However, Bathin's foul mood followed him like a cloud and Tenebris closed his book knowing his attention was needed elsewhere.

Bathin dropped onto the sofa in front of the fireplace with a heavy sigh with barely a glance in his friend's direction or even a hello. His head fell back against the plush couch cushion and he exhaled sharply through his nose.

“Uh oh.” Tenebris stood up and walked over to the side cupboard where he kept his modest supply of booze. The chances of him finishing any more work today seemed slim judging by the state his friend was in.  “Did the talk go that badly?” he asked, pouring the deep amber liquid into two glasses.

Bathin rubbed his eyes with the palms of his hands and groaned. “My father is a selfish fool.”

"Like I thought," Tenebris murmured. He handed Bathin a glass and lowered himself into the empty seat beside his friend. “I warned you it might not go well,” he said, taking a sip of the bittersweet drink and savouring the tingly burn as it went down and warmed his chest.

“Yes, you did.” Bathin tipped his head back and took a generous sip of his drink. “I tried to be reasonable. I didn’t want to accuse him of being a bad father, because he’s not, and I know Mephisto is only my brother and not my son, but…” he sighed warily. “I don’t know, Ten. It’s not right, the pressure they put on him. All these expectations, and he’s so young. I know it’s not right.”

“You’re doing the best you can do.” Tenebris stood to fetch the bottle of Demonus now that both their glasses were nearly empty. “Be there for him, speak up if your father keeps pushing him too hard. I'm sure Mephisto will appreciate it when he’s older, even if he doesn’t understand now.”

“I hope so.” Bathin didn’t sound convinced, and he took the refilled glass Tenebris offered him with a grateful tilt to his lips. He stared into the fire for a few moments and hesitated to speak. “Is this what it’s like when you and your father argue? I know you two have had your own share of disagreements recently.”

Tenebris stared into his glass while he swirled the liquid around slowly. While most of his problems with his father were about his own leisurely activities in the human world, more often not lately, their arguments centered around Diavolo's upbringing as well.

“Both our fathers have ridiculous expectations of their sons.” He glanced at his friend. “Diavolo has so many fascinating ideas: the way he sees the world, the things he dreams about achieving one day.” A small sip of his drink, a heavy sigh. ���He’s very much like our mother, and I think that’s Father’s problem. I'm not sure Diavolo is old enough to understand that yet.”

After a moment, Bathin's expression perked up slightly. “Speaking of which, weren’t you supposed to visit him today?” Even though Tenebris didn't live at the castle with him anymore, he knew that he was there several times per week to spend time with the young prince.

“I wanted to take him to the market but Barbatos said they had already gone earlier this morning.” Tenebris nearly spat the demon butler’s name, and Bathin raised his glass to his lips to hide his amusement as he listened to his friend.

“We still had a visit but it wasn’t what I hoped it would be." Tenebris grumbled and glared at his drink as if it had personally slighted him the way Diavolo's new butler had. "Maybe next time I’ll go over in a butler’s uniform and see if he finds me more interesting then.”

Bathin nudged Tenebris with his foot. “We make a fine pair, don’t we? Two meddlesome older brothers, thwarted at every turn by stubborn fathers and the world's most inconvenient servants.”

“Brothers helping brothers, sons disappointing fathers,” Tenebris joked. “But I’m glad we have each other,” he added sincerely, raising his glass up. “To brothers.”

“To brothers,” Bathin agreed, clinking their glasses together.

"But Jes, I thought Bathin was Luke's age! How can he be friends with Tenebris too?" Hm, I wonder. 🤭

Read more: OC Masterlist | Obey Me Masterlist

[storiesofsvu]

Bruh… I had to pause 911 right as a bridge collapsed with the entire 118 on it, tonight’s eps better be good LOL.

Also don’t blame me if I have minimal notes tonight I’m watching while detangling my mess of a hair (don’t be like me and throw your still damp, naturally wavy hair into a bun and then keep it in buns all week for two weeks back to back, it isn’t fun.) (updated: it was not as bad nor did it take as long as i expected lol)

Damn. That was a quick opening…

“sprinkles on top” was a very dinozzo delivered line… classy

This husband has definitely been on svu before

My firestick remote is fucking fucked… i either need to replace it or it got wet or something. It stopped working yesterday, I swapped the batteries and it was fine until just now when it crapped out again. I fucked around and moved the batteries back and forth and it started working again but like wtf…

Man… people are fucking stupid. If you’re going to be caught on camera breaking a law… maybe don’t wear something that is labelled with a company/sports team/brand/etc that can be traced back to you… (then again, people are literally recording themselves committing crimes and posting them on tik tok so… I dunno what I expected LOL)

Why not get the KID out rather than try and take the bag outside?

Ah yes, the classic “12 years of classic school” line drop earlier in the episode for the same cop to “identify” with the perp and talk him down during confrontation.

I’m REALLY happy with the addition of Nick and mccoy being gone. Because when it was mccoy and Nolan vs Samantha she was NEVER listened to or heard, they’d just like, scoff and ignore her/say she’s being too passionate or shit. But with nick he weighs both of their sides, explains it to the other in a way they can understand (aka talking to Nolan isn’t like talking to a wall lol) and generally backs sam and I really like that about this dynamic.

When is sam gonna be able to work a case on her own? Someone hire hugh dancy for another small gig so he needs time off lol

Woof, asking the husband to do this is a BIG thing.

This is a super intriguing and controversial case. Like, when a baby is born/killed/pregnant woman is beaten and the baby is found dead (or any of those kind of cases on svu) it’s always considered murder of the baby if they took a breath outside of the womb, meaning they’re breathing on their own. Currently the vis is NOT breathing on her own cause of machines, so the same notion should apply… (which is lowkey what they’re going for with this case)

LOL not my brain going right to Barba on the “nurse who yanks the plug on a ventilated baby and the judge says no charge”

“Dr Calhoun” the way I literally just SCREAMED. How tf did you have RITA CALHOUN on your show literally 2 weeks ago and name another character with the same last name this week. Come ON.

Im lowkey surprised Nolan didn’t lose his shit all “WHAT did you do?!” even though it was in their favour.

Oh I spoke too soon. “as long as you can sleep at night” COME ON

Ah yes, here’s the rest of the emotional backstory of the character to explain their motivations/opposing views. (as I was LITERALLY saying, “we know nothing about these characters personal lives”)

But like, ACTUALLY. We know that the one detective is married with kids, I don’t think Shaw is, we don’t know much/if anything about him. Nolan as far as I remember is single, now we know about his dad. Sam’s sister was killed and the perp never sentenced/found. We know little to nothing about Nick as of now….

Okay SVU time!

The way that scene jump was cut I literally thought that was hannah’s brother with her phone or something, or worse that THEY were texting. That was a bad editing choice.

Ewww gross this dad is terrible

“I thought we told each other everything” bruh. I’m sorry but in EVERY parent/child relationship there is ALWAYS going to be a time when you stop telling each other everything. Esp if/when it comes to sex and personal relationships…

JEEEESSSEEEE

Waiting for the time when Jesse looks to sonny and is all “so you’re not my real dad, but do you know who?”

I understand carisi wanting to go off to confront this creep, but to also leave jesse alone on a street corner in NEW YORK when she’s completely distracted with her brand new cell phone and not paying attention to her surroundings. Like… soshine, amanda will literally rip you apart with her bare hands if something happens to the girls on your watch…

Amanda’s new job keeping her travelling a lot is the perfectly lazy excuse to have her mentioned but not back on the show full time lol. Though it very much leaves it open to guest star roles so… I’m down.

As if Jesse is already NINE like that is wild (it’s wild because I didn’t watch the entire series when it aired and marathoning it lol)

WHERE THE FUCK ARE THE OTHER TWO. I swear to GOD if they’re not in this week I will fight someone

Oop. Personal fact from curry tonight too. Okay, she’s got son(s), but I don’t think she’s married?

Why are there no lights on in this house?

Woof. Dad RIGHT on there with the lawyer, that’s SUSPICIOUS. (honestly, no its not you should never talk to the cops without one lol, but in this case… suspicious…)

“there’s no Romeo and Juliet clause in new York” I’m sorry.. WHAT? How many old episodes include that clause on why it’s NOT a case?! Wtf??

“yeah…okay…” *warning glance* is classic olivia for “please shut the fuck up”

Christ… talking about the first time you’ve ever had sex not just in front of your mom but two other adult women… like I know they’re helping her, she knows they’re trying to help her but it’s still SO awkward

Yeah I think liv was right.. carisi’s a little too rough in this interview. His parents already immediately lawyered up, you need to sweeten this boy up gently and not accusatory to get him talking

“don’t allow pornography in our house” ma’am, there are ALWAYS gonna be ways around that…

My heart just MELTED (and my uterus exploded) at the way Joe said “I want them” about kids. Don’t even care if that was a tactic… (cause I do believe he wants them but I also believe it terrifies him)

IS THIS GUY SERIOUSLY TRYING TO BRIBE A FUCKING COP??? JEEEESSSSUUUSSS

Jfc joe is so fucking hot

“said he saw it online” uhm…carisi are you DEAF?! The older kids on the (rugby?) team told/showed him that girls liked it.

JEEEESUS. BAD COP JOE AND BAD COP KATE IN ONE INTERROGATION?!!! My bisexual ass CANNOT

THE DAD fucking showed him the fucking porn?!?! JESUS. Uggghhh

Why did NO one react to the “he tried to bribe me” comment. Isn’t that a fucking federal offence??

“I didn’t hear that” classic ada line. Bless you carisi.

“yeah that sucks” LOL

They cast these cousins super well cause I legit thought they were the same kid for a second

FUCK joe’s so hot

“he’s got daughter’s, any half decent father would feel the same” not carisi getting the stabler treatment in 2024

I understand the boys being held responsible, but what about the cab driver that hit her?? like a good defence lawyer of the boys could deflect it to him…

I have yelled too many times tonight… but joe in that tight white tee? PLEASE

Im sorry, no matter how much of a lawyer sonny is, he is NOT a whiskey or scotch drinker. Especially not straight up. Like, it’d be mixed with something.  (the proof is canon. We saw liv take a sip but not him)

Anyways, okay so tonight’s eps were good!!

Anyone know when OC’s supposed to start? Cause I miss those babies…

as usual, feel free to hit up the dm's/ask box to discuss tonights eps (or any other ones! <3)

[linagram]

[ meet the prisoners! (t2 edition) ] prisoner 001: miyagawa akio

it's time for everyone's t2 profiles!

i just wanna mention that since these profiles are made for their t2 versions, they won't have things like age, occupation, height, etc, for obvious reasons. they also won't have mv descriptions this time and their mvs will be described in their voice dramas.

but you can read about their t2 relationship dynamics here! not all of them will be described, but only the important ones, but you can also ask me about other dynamics.

okay, time to talk about how the first prisoner is doing! (not well. he's doing terrible actually.)

(Warnings for description of Akio's injuries, mentions of his suicide attempt and him still wanting to die, implications of self-harm and mentions of choking)

General info.

T1 Verdict: Akio was voted guilty and was punished by Eiji as a result. His punishment was mostly physical, but he was left with a psychological kind of trauma after that as well. He was the first guilty prisoner to be punished and Eiji says that he got a little bit excited because of that and that's why Akio's injuries ended up being worse than Eiji has planned. He got a head injury after his punishment and he also has a lot of cuts and bruises on his arms and there's some of them on his legs as well. Eiji and Miki don't know how serious his injury actually is and Miki is afraid that Akio's life will either become much harder because of it or he might actually end up dying because of it if he doesn't get any professional help. It's definitely harder for him to do a lot of things now, like walking, reading, talking, etc, and he often needs help with those things, but according to Eiji, he can talk just fine when he has to talk to the guards. However, Akio still ends up getting tired after talking for some time and if someone forces him to keep talking, his words stop making any sense because of how tired he is and he starts saying completely random things that don't have anything to do with what's going on around him.

T2 Personality: Akio is more quiet now and for understandable reasons. His eyes look more empty, his hair is more messy and he has noticeable dark circles since it's too hard for him to fall asleep now because of all the pain.. and also something else. After Riku basically told him to go and kill himself, Akio has completely stopped talking to him, not because he doesn't want to talk to Riku anymore, but because Aimi is too worried about him and doesn't want Riku to hurt him again. Aimi is the only prisoner Akio can be seen with now and other prisoners don't really try to help him, though Naomi offers to take care of him if Aimi can't do that for some reason. He often feels like his head is spinning because of his injury and he mentioned his vision becoming more and more blurry because of that, so now he has to ask Aimi to read his books out loud for him. Because of the incident that was mentioned earlier, Akio sometimes thinks that it's better for him to just die already than continue to live like this, though he refuses to talk about it. Well, maybe Miki is right and his injury actually is serious and he will die soon anyway, haha.. People also never hear him say anything "smart" anymore because even thinking can be too painful for him sometimes. But now they can often hear him quietly repeating something to himself to calm himself down when he's too anxious and Aimi swears she heard Akio say someone's name when he had one of those moments. He's also not so self-confident anymore and he actually thinks he's useless now, though Aimi is the only person who knows about how much he hates himself now. Looks like this boy has always thought that his intelligence was his only good quality and now that even talking or reading requires way too much energy.. he doesn't want to keep living like this. 

T2 Relationship dynamics:

As you can tell, Akio and Aimi are much closer now and people see them together all the time. Aimi claims she's genuinely worried about Akio and wants to help him and Akio doesn't push her away anymore. When it's too hard for him to talk, Aimi still understands him perfectly and never forces him to say anything if he doesn't want to or just can't do that at the moment. Whenever she hears Akio say something bad about himself, she quickly makes him take his words back and says that he's still smart and talented, it's just that he needs some time to recover and everything will be okay again. At least she hopes so. Akio is also surprisingly protective of Aimi now and whenever he hears Eiji say something like "We should have voted her guilty", he gets really mad at him and reminds Eiji that Akio is still alive only because of Aimi. Losing a prisoner so early probably wouldn't be good for Eiji's job, would it?

Naomi is still nice to the younger prisoners (not counting Asahi), so if Aimi needs help with taking care of Akio, she agrees to spend time with him. Akio doesn't like her as much as he likes Aimi, but he's secretly glad that there's at least one more person who cares about him or at least good at making him feel like she cares about him. When Aimi asked her what she thinks about Akio's injury as the oldest prisoner here, she said that she doesn't know how serious it actually is, but she thinks Akio is strong enough to survive at least until the end of the third trial.. unless he gets punished again.

Asahi's relationship with Akio is even worse now, during his T1 interrogation Akio has said that he finds Asahi one of the most annoying prisoners here and he still thinks so. When nobody else is around, Asahi likes to make fun of Akio's condition and says it's funny to watch his self-esteem go down when it was so high in the past. Akio claims that he doesn't care what Asahi thinks since he's just a kid, but deep down.. of course he cares. Of course Asahi is making his situation even worse.

Yeah, Riku and Akio's relationship is not good now. Both of them try their best to avoid each other and when they have no choice but to spend time together or talk to each other, their conversations always end up being really awkward. Like, how are you supposed to talk to the guy who has almost killed himself because of you/the guy who told you to go and die after you asked him for help? Every time Akio hears Riku say that it wasn't his fault, he starts feeling both extremely angry and extremely sad at the same time. Of course he wants him to shut up and admit that it was his fault, but.. he also can't deny that Riku is nothing but a replacement of his accomplice to him. Of course Riku wouldn't be happy to hear that. His reaction was understandable.

Akio hates both guards with passion and whenever they talk to him, he always calls them out for what they both did to him. Yes, he thinks it's Miki's fault too. Sure, maybe he's not dead because she stopped Eiji before he could kill him, but did she try to change his mind? Akio still ended up being punished and Miki didn't even try to stop Eiji from doing that (at least that's what Akio thinks). And if Akio had a chance, he would've killed Eiji a long time ago. 

Music info.

Milgram cover: Listen. I might be wrong. Maybe it actually won't fit him at all. But don't you think it would be cool to hear him cover The Purge March. Yes, it's not even out yet. I don't care, I still want him to cover it. Like, even from the song preview I can feel those Akio vibes, LIKE THE LYRICS DESCRIBE HIS CRIME SO WELL TOO.. 

DECO*27 cover: (Not) A Devil. I feel like I don't even have to explain anything. Like come on, the religious theme, denying that "you're the Devil", LIKE COME ON. Also I can imagine him singing the Devil parts with his T1 voice, like, sounding more confident and proud and singing the Angel parts with his T2 voice, sounding more tired, but soft at the same time.

Different Vocaloid producer cover: I had to fight the urge to give him three religion-themed covers because it's actually a different prisoner who will get a MV with some religious imagery this time so I decided to go with Egoist by Paseri Onuma. Listen, listen, it makes sense to me. First of all, lots of orange there which is Akio's second image color and also Riku's main image color. Second of all, the lyrics and the song in general have really strong T2 Akio vibes, like yes, GO CRAZY SHOW HOW ANGRY (and sad) YOU ARE YOU GOT HURT BY BOTH EIJI AND RIKU!! And also there's something about Akio, who was the "smartest student of his class" and now can't do anything "cool" and "smart" because of his condition, saying things like "Let me go home early" and "Let me withdraw from school" is. It breaks my heart, yeah.

His T2 Trailer Voicelines:

".. I-it's you two.. D-don't even look at me. Leave me alone. Both of you.. Both of you are insane. One of you did all of this to me and the other one just ignored it and pretended not to see it!.. H-how can you two be the guards of this place??.. W-would I be a better guard than you two?.. I-I'm not so sure anymore."

".. W-why? Why did it go wrong? You told me that everything will be fine, everything will be under your control, but- I DIDN'T WANT THIS, YOU IDIOT!"

His T2 Song Trailer Voiceline:

"I just wanted to be loved by my classmates, is that too much to ask for?"

Trivia:

Of course, he still wants to be voted innocent, and not only because he still believes his crime wasn't his fault and his victim deserved it, but because he doesn't want to die.

The reason why he has bandages on his neck as well is because he says that he keeps seeing.. someone in his cell every night and that someone tries to choke him and doesn't let him fall asleep. And the thing is that the marks and scratches on his neck actually make it seem like someone has really tried to choke him. Eiji thinks Akio is actually doing all of this to himself, but thinks it's someone else's fault either because of his condition, him losing his sanity or.. maybe this place knows a different way to punish its prisoners. 

Yes, his second image color being almost the same as Riku's main color was done on purpose.

[tsudelune]

'' when you're happy , i'm happy too ,,

- ichika hoshino x reader

a/n : this is really random and honestly self-indulgent, but if you didn't know, my favorite is ichika :) this is like a songfic i suppose, but not really. this is inspired by one of my favorite yoasobi songs named haruka, or faraway! it's a beautiful song with such a heartwarming story, so i decided to pose this fic off of that. ichika was chosen because (i like ichika) i feel like this song is pretty similar to the leo/need story. of course there's others that might fit better, but whatever! lyrics here! if you can't tell, i'm heavily biased to leo/need. heavily.

warnings : lengthy, big leo/need story spoilers! this is just me writing the entire leo/need main story with reader included but being biased to ichika. i rambled way too much on this post. so sorry about it :(

style : oneshot (tbh, it's a whole story.)

when you were young, you were afraid of being alone, hating the feeling of being lost. however, that changed quickly.

you wandered aimlessly in the night, losing the trace of your parental figure when you had decided to follow a sound in the night (which resulted in being an ordinary bird). you couldn't lie, you were scared.

when you had finally got out of the alleys, you found yourself following a path that lead you to the park. there were a few young voices like yours. there were four voices from what you could make out-- energetic, mellow, shy, and soft. when you looked up, you didn't just see the four kids up on the jungle gym, but you also saw a shower of stars.

the luminous blanket that encased the moonlight, along with the smiles and the awe of those four kids...you couldn't help but be glad you became lost. that memory became a fresh moment you could live over and over. it was unforgettable.

you never knew it then, but those four kids would become your friends.

out of those four kids, ichika, saki, honami, and shiho, you were close with the first girl. in which you had to admit, she had the most harmonious voice you ever heard in your life. whenever the five of you got together, it would always become a small band session.

thinking back now, you can't help but feel nostalgia overcome you. has it really been that long?

everything had gone downhill in middle school when saki abruptly left due to her health conditions. but now, the once-childhood friends were now in high school. time was nobody's friend.

"...y/n, could you help me with this really quick? sorry to bother you." someone politely asked, interrupting your daydream. it was mafuyu, a senior of yours.

"oh! yeah, i can help you." and that was how the usual day started. helping people, attending class, eating lunch alone, and going home. always.

saki was back at school. to be honest, you didn't react much about it, but still cared. just maybe, you had a small thought that the band might be getting back together. but...

"i promised to eat with my friends...sorry."

"my next class is in another room, so i'm going now."

the same old excuses that were used earlier in the school year. isn't that funny?

"many things have become different..." ichika sighed.

"i guess...since we're in high school, there's things everyone wants to do." saki was still optimistic as usual. you didn't understand how she was.

because you gave up a long time ago. however, you weren't going to opt out of this all just yet.

crazy things happened the last three days. you guys got to meet miku and luka in a SEKAI; which you still couldn't comprehend. you also got to experience a once-in-a-lifetime memory, which was seeing your childhood friends perform that one song you composed years back.

shiho had improved significantly, likely because she was the only one that practiced and remained a bassist. honami and saki was still as good as they were before, but ichika...you couldn't even describe it.

she still had the same soft yet dynamic voice from before. she didn't touch her guitar in a while, but she was still in shape. seeing them perform all together really unlocked a core memory in you.

"still here, y/n?" luka interrupted your thoughts, taking a seat next to you on the classroom floor of the SEKAI.

"i'm just...reminiscing." you turned your head away, unwiling to meet luka's gaze.

"is that so?" luka smiled and put a hand on your shoulder. "you know, you and ichika have the strongest feelings about everybody. not even saki, who is the most energetic."

you glanced at luka, shocked. you? and ichika? but... "how? i decided to stop my wishful thinking a long time ago."

"well, your heart and feelings must be thinking the opposite." luka chuckled and pat your shoulder. "i have a hunch that you really love everyone. you often think about them, don't you?"

you didn't admit it then, but luka was right. your denied wishful thinking was still accepted into your mind.

"so wait; you're telling me that you and saki formed a band, got shiho to join after practicing in the SEKAI, and now you're trying to recruit honami in?"

ichika gave a sheepish smile, confirming your words.

"wow, that's..." you put your hands on ichika's shoulders, with a close-eyed smile. "that's amazing! you've always wanted this, right?"

ichika blushed, shying away from you. "yeah...that's why i wanted to ask you if you wanted to join too."

you removed your hands from ichika's shoulders, staring blankly into her gaze.

"...what?"

"please, join our band. we're going to take it seriously." ichika's black hair became lightly tousled in the spring wind, her eyes determined. "i remember vividly, when we were younger, you composed the song and i wrote the lyrics. the songs we made together...i still remember all of them. so that's why, you have to join!"

i guess that was the day you were bound with her fate.

after saki's decision of leaving honami alone, you lingered in the sekai with miku next to you, humming a tune while lightly strumming the guitar. you were deadset focused on creating a new composition for everyone to play. together.

"miku, do you think they'd remember all those minutes we spent?" you looked down at the blank paper, unable to create ideas for the song.

"hmm? of course they would." miku stopped her singing, focusing her attention on you.

"no, they obviously don't." you crumbled up the paper, squeezing it tightly. "i feel like i'm the only one that holds onto the past. i think too much about it. they've forgotten about it, so i should let go too."

"mm...i don't think so." miku objected, setting aside her guitar. "if you remember your past through happy memories, then that means your memories must be precious to you, right? so, why try to forget them?"

"...right."

just watching them made you remember a lot of things they did when they were younger. those memories made you feel emotional, for sure. you couldn't help but shed a few tears that day and realize how important they are to you. especially her.

the next day, after school, shiho and ichika coincidentally met up in the street.

"i talked to honami. i think i said hurtful words rather than what i wanted to say. it's a nightmare."

"but, i think that's what's amazing about you."

"what? that i act without thinking?"

"no, once you make up your mind, you take action without being shaken up. that's...amazing. because, i was never able to do that."

"what are you saying? whenever there was a fight, you and y/n would play as mediator. sometimes, you didn't even know what was going on." shiho helplessly smiled at the vivid memory. "speaking of y/n, they'd always encourage us after whatever we fought about. saying stupid things like 'shiho, if you play with us one more time, i'll give you the last slice of the apple pie' or 'saki, let's practice this part one more time and we'll impress shiho'...." the reminiscing girl took a big sigh. "i guess i miss those times too."

ichika suddenly had a feeling of uneasiness in her heart. "i have to wonder, what happened to y/n during those two years we were distanced?"

shiho raised her eyebrows, nodding slowly to ichika's words. "...i never thought of that."

"what happened to y/n in those two years?" was all ichika could think about.

"you found your true feeling?"

"yeah...according to miku."

it was after school hours the next day. you and ichika decided to take the time to chat at your house. it was basically a small hangout in your room.

"i felt like i wanted to help with whatever was going on. you, saki and shiho both made efforts to recruit honami back, but i haven't done anything yet. so that's why..." ichika fiddled with her fingers nervously before meeting back with your gaze. "i have a plan to get honami join."

"hmmm, i understand." you reply with a curve of your lips. ichika's expression, however, told more truth than her words. "i'm happy for you, but there's something more than that on your mind.

ichika perked up with shock, then takes a sigh at your words. "it's you, admittedly." the black-haired girl moved closer to you on your bed, putting a hand on your back. "y/n, what happened during those two years when we weren't...as close as we usually were?"

"...eh? ichika, what are you talking about!" you tried to laugh it off, waving your hand back and forth dismissively. "it was a boring 2 years spent without you guys."

ichika obviously didn't believe it. she didn't want to push it, however. "if that's what you say..." ichika removed her hand from your back, and instead reached in for a nervous hug. she put her hand on your head, pushing it gently to her shoulder. "if your not comfortable enough to tell me yet, that's okay. but i want you to know that i've always been here. all those days you might've spent alone-- i'll make it up to you! i'll cheer you on, just like you did for me when we were younger!"

you felt your eyes water at her unwavering resolve for you. you can't tell what made you cry. her entire spiel about what happened those 2 years, or the last few words of it.

you, shiho, and saki were rushing to the rooftop together where honami and ichika was-- reported by miku and luka.

"i'm sorry! i hurt all of you guys by running away, by choosing the path that injured me least..." honami cried, wiping away her tears.

saki shook her head, frowning at the unneeded apology. "no, i'm sorry for not being there during your hard times."

"and i'm sorry that i left you alone for so long, even though i noticed."

"you're all too nice, even though i kept hurting your feelings..."

"of course we'd be nice. we care about you."

when they were busy apologizing back and forth, you stayed to the side with miku and luka, looking at the stars. those oh-so-familiar stars that looked at you the same way back then.

"do you like the way the sky looks, y/n?" luka asked, curious to why you were so invested in the night view.

"they're the same stars that we saw that night." you whispered, raising your hand as if to touch the glowing jewels in the void. "i miss that night. so, so much."

while in your trance, you take a not-so-quick glance at the four girls. they were all hugging and crying. it was a pitiful sight, yet a heartwarming moment. that's how time moves with a tick and a tock.

unknowingly, a tear slipped out of your own eye. yet, you felt your lips curve, and put your hand on your silently beating heart.

"see you tomorrow everyone!"

after watching shiho, saki, and honami go their respective ways, you were planning to leave too. however, a grasp on your wrist stopped you.

"wait! y/n, can we talk? i know it's late and we have school tomorrow..." ichika looks down at the pavement with a red blush on her cheeks.

"huh? oh uh-- yeah. sure." surprised with the turn of events, you wonder what ichika has to say to you so suddenly at this hour.

"i wanted to say thank you...for everything." ichika paused for a moment before continuing. "miku told me that you remember a lot of things from our childhood. i know you might've felt like the only one that remember everything but..."

ichika held both of your hands together, holding them tightly. in a matter of seconds, her words came out in a soft yet loud tone. "there's countless memories of everyone together, or just us alone too. i remember it all too." ichika smiled fondly at you, laughing. "if they don't remember certain parts of our childhood, so be it. that's fine. for me, as long as i remember all of us smiling, i'm happy with that. i guess what i'm trying to say is..."

"my feelings and i say thank you." ichika chuckled, finishing her ramble.

"ichika..." you were at a loss of words. "for me, as long as you're happy is enough for me. because, i'll love you forevermore."

ichika smiles shyly, gently enveloping you in a hug. "...me too."

-

may happiness and the things so dear

stay with you, forever.

[hertwood]

dts s2 e4-6

e4: -sorry seb's "says who?" at the start of episode (in response to ferrari telling him what to do) GAGGED sets the tone for the episode PERFECTLY -mattia talks about monza the way indy drivers talk abt the 500 lmao -the whole "there is no #1 driver" bit makes me think hey r there parallels to be drawn between sebchal here and alonso/hamilton in 2007? just thinkin about it -before i get to far i want to share some thoughts: when i first watched this episode with NO prior knowledge it was rly hard to follow. after i heard about the specifics of the ferrari engine controversy (cheating), for the second watch i remember this episode suddenly clicking for me! this episode would've benefitted so much from a will buxton monologue explaining the juicy details for a newish viewer. i understand that there might have been pressure from ferrari to not include those details but it is such a shame, to have such a core piece of information missing and viewers have to try to piece together the narrative without it :/ -HI LAURA WINTER -very much get the impression that seb is like the family member who notices the generational trauma and going hey maybe we should change things to stop that and gets exiled from the family instead :) those sure are the vibes -HI CHARLOTTE -im sorry the back to back "seb has a lack of confidence with the car. and charles' car is not performing" like theyre the same car but you're gonna frame it like its seb's fault but not charles's? mattia choke -at the part where they're explaining the engine controversy--i still stand by wishing they explained it better and EARLIER because i think its much needed context for the first half of the episode too -at the end of the day all i need to know is that seb clearly thought that what ferrari did was wrong, and thats all i need to know if he says so then i believe it!! -the way netflix is trying to tease like ~oh imagine all the different teams he could go to! who wouldnt want him~ is so cheeky but also i NEED to know what this was like live when yall didnt know where he was going i'm JEALOUS i wish i got to be there for it all to unfold -double ferrari dnf at monza must've been crazy to watch live too lmao -seb zigzagging through all the photographers on his bicycle. love him -seb announcing his new seat the same weekend as ferrari's 1000th is crazy ex girlfriend levels of unhinged (pos). like posting ultrasound pics the same day as your ex's wedding type of shit. no one does it like him -sorry im incapable of watching ferrari episodes without writing an essay. hope you enjoyed

ep5: -the great daniel/cyril divorce -i cant remember who said it or where i saw it but when i first got into f1 properly someone talked about how Different things might've been if there hadn't been covid--since the season was delayed, the contract was signed before reneault could have any races with daniel that year--so daniel could only make that decision based off 2019 races -the jump clearly did not work out for him but alpine also went to shit too. but if cyril hadn't left who knows. i think all of daniel's choices make sense honestly!!!! he just got very unlucky -anyway their dynamic is insane and they deserve soooo many more fic than they have!! -"it's probably a bit like being dumped by a girlfriend, but she hasn't moved out of the house yet." christian did eat with this one. unfortunately -i love cyril but him being the one to actually complain about the pink mercedes feels very..... my wife is divorcing me so i'm gonna sue my neighbors over the property line -"i hate those fucking pink cars" oh i need to gif that. i'll be watching and i'll just KNOW like yeah that needs to be in the next gifset -i cant believe i havent mentioned it yet renault colors are the BEST daniel has ever looked i miss having yellow n black on the grid. maybe thats why alpine went to shit they gave up the best color combo they could have

e7: -pierre redemption episode!!! i think this is one of the best episodes ever tbh. very cathartic movie plotline really ticks all the boxes -HI PATRICK -ok but the fact that dts NEVER covered alex's podiums w red bull after milking the shit out of his missed podiums is a hate crime to me personally -onboards going through eau rouge are scary af. -filled with rage at how christian horner chews up new drivers and spits them up (even though its all so predictable at this point. no one will ever live up to the golden boy) -i remember seeing people complain that the williams family leaving wasn't given focus in dts, if anyone has any fun video essays about that i'd love to watch! -i do take issue with will buxton saying "red bull can't admit they made a mistake (with alex)" i think red bull made a mistake with promoting ANYONE too early and expecting too much from them, but not in a pierre v alex way. neither of them were given enough time or support by red bull to flourish. and they lowkey admitted that recently lmao -but it /is/ cathartic to know that red bull have tried to get alex back since then and he doesn't need his toxic ex in his life anymore no thanks ✌️ -i just know i'll LOVE watching this race in full -they set up the suspense so well for the end of the race -and it really is. if carlos had won this race with mclaren, his first win, how different would the trajectory of his career been -ANYWAY theres something that just always gets me about men holding all their emotions in right until they cross the finish line and they finally allow themselves to feel the emotions. (recent example that made me SOB was theo when he won f2) i also love how much it clearly meant to the alphatauri guys in the garage. last time that happened was with seb for torro rosso yeah? so its clearly so so special

[art-of-manliness]

Why Aren’t You Doing It Already?

It’s a new year, so many men are thinking about making changes in their lives.  Maybe you want to lose weight.  Maybe you want to get up earlier.  Maybe you want to spend less time playing video games. Maybe you want to be less of a grump.  If you’re like many men who desire to make changes in their lives, you’ve likely attempted personal change but failed.  You’ve started diets, tried workout plans, and created budgets, only to give up on them a few weeks or months later.  What gives?  When we flounder in our attempts to improve ourselves, we typically chalk up the failure to a lack of motivation or discipline. So we read books and watch YouTube videos on increasing our motivation and discipline. But they don’t seem to help much. We might feel an initial increase in drive, but then it peters out after a few days. Like most men, I’ve had varying degrees of success with different self-improvement goals. Why do I succeed with some and not others? As a father, I’m keen on helping my kids develop noble habits and desires. How can I better nurture their progress? As a guy in the business of “helping men become better men,” I’m always looking for insights that can help me fulfill that professional vision. So I’ve been thinking and reading about personal change this past year. My study has taken me to psychology and behavioral science, of course. But it’s also led me to philosophy. Personal change isn’t just a matter of neurology or psychology; an element of soul is also involved. Some changes are more soulful than others.  Over the next year, I plan to share some of the things I’ve been thinking about and learning about personal change.  But to kick things off, I want to introduce you to a theory of how personal change happens that has significantly influenced my thinking about this aspect of the human experience.   Change Happens Within a Life Field Most people approach personal change from a behaviorist approach. We treat ourselves like Pavlovian dogs. If you want to change something, you just need to connect a behavior with a reward or punishment, and then change will happen.  Want to stop procrastinating? Set up an arrangement with your friend where you have to pay him $1000 if you don’t finish a draft for a book manuscript. Want to lose 20 pounds? Reward yourself with a trip when you meet your goal by the end of the year. Other interventions get a bit more sophisticated and add to the reward/punishment paradigm of change. For example, you can create or break new habits by understanding the habit loop. But the habit loop model still takes a behaviorist approach. It’s all about stimulus/response. You just need to fiddle with rewards/punishments or change how rewards/punishments are connected to a behavior to effect personal change.  In the early 20th century, a German-American social psychologist took a different approach to personal change. Kurt Lewin thought humans were more than lab rats responding to punishments and rewards. He recognized that we’re complex beings with inner lives — hopes, fears, childhood hang-ups, etc. — that impact our behavior beyond the dynamics of the carrot and the stick. Our innate personality, talents/weaknesses, and unique histories will influence our behavior. Heck, even being hungry or tired can influence how we act. Moreover, we’re beings embedded in social environments that shape our choices. Our behavior can change depending on the social situation we find ourselves in. For example, you might be able to maintain your calm with an annoying co-worker at the office, but snip at your annoying kids at home — same stimulus (annoying-ness); different behavior due to different social context. Or maybe you notice that you swear less when you’re with one group of friends than you do when you’re with another.  Besides the social environment, our physical environment can impact our behavior. How we act can be influenced by our surroundings, from how we set up our house to the season of the year. If you keep junk food in your cabinets,… http://dlvr.it/T0t0XC

[swanhookheart]

My thoughts on “Seeing Red” and, well, a lot of s6/7

CW: attempted rape

Sorry I keep going on about it, but it frustrates me a great deal. As a lot of you know, this is my first time watching Buffy all the way through. I’d stopped at season 4 before and just kind of forgot and thought I’d finished the series, but alas. Oops. I just finished the show, and I am mad. 

Y’all warned me - explicitly, repeatedly - that something was going to happen between Spike and Buffy at the end of season 6 that would absolutely throw me, and I went in anyway. I knew it was coming, and I knew I’d be upset by it, but... jesus christ.

I’m positive there’s been discourse about this for 20 years and that I’m not contributing anything new at all to this conversation, but I’ll still make the point as concisely as I can: what happened in that episode - that is, Spike’s attempted rape of Buffy - shouldn’t have happened at all. 

For starters, it’s OOC for Spike. I’m not going to pretend like Spike was some saint before or like their relationship was without toxicity. Lmao, it was very decidedly a mess. But there was something real there - something that made him genuinely seem to want to grow. A shift had already occurred in their relationship, and it happened when she came into his crypt as Buffybot, realized he was willing to die to protect not just her but Dawn too, and kissed him. I’m approaching this through a Captain Swan kind of lens because I’m CS trash forever and always, but that moment in particular very strongly gave me “you traded your ship for me?” vibes and it signaled a major change in their dynamic. Maybe she wasn’t ready to view him the way he wanted her to - as a romantic partner or love interest - but the viewer could tell that her assumptions of who he was were beginning to crumble and she was beginning to recognize something kindred in him. 

The reason that attempted rape, specifically, is OOC is because rape is about possession, power, dominance. While Spike has exhibited decidedly abusive behaviors in the past towards Buffy (watching her, taking her pictures and clothing, locking her up, Buffybot, etc.), his fascination with her has seemed predicated on the fact that she is his equal. Though she doesn’t admit it to anyone but him and even still never overtly, she’s a little fucked up and kind of in love with death. There’s a darkness that exists in her, and aside from that darkness, a kind of weight, too. Though she has no shortage of people who love her, they can never fully understand her because of what she is, what she’s had to do, and what she’s seen as the slayer. Though she “fits in”, there’s this piece of her that will never fully be able to belong to the group because of her destiny. She feels things deeper than she often lets on, and she doesn’t always know how to deal. Spike is her fellow outlier, also kind of in love with death, and beneath the bravado, someone who likewise experiences things deeply if not always healthily. He’s fascinated by Buffy because they are equals in so many ways. They’ve been “dancing” all this time, each refusing to kill the other, because on some level, they see themselves reflected in the other. To perpetrate an act of rape against her would be to assert himself as superior to her, and this doesn’t quite fit with the character.

Now, I absolutely get that there needed to be some awful thing he did - different than what we’ve seen from him so far - to get him and the viewer to recognize that he is soulless and to jumpstart his whole redemption arc. I do understand that something bad needed to happen, I just don’t think that was it. What would have worked so much better in that scene - and what I actually, honest-to-god thought was being foreshadowed all season long - was him attempting to turn her into a vampire. Truly, deeply, I thought that was going to be the scene I’d watch on my screen. All the hints dropped earlier in the season were that a) Buffy missed being dead, b) Buffy was leaning into the darkness to feel anything at all, c) there was something kindred between the two of them, d) they both knew there was no shot at them being together for the exact reason there was no shot with Angel - because he was a vampire and she was a human; she wanted a LIFE with the person she loved, and neither could give her that. Moreover, Spike’s solution to this problem throughout the whole season seemed to be basically “if I can’t be like her, maybe I can help her be more like me; that way, we can be together”. You take all of that together, and it’s all but screaming at the viewer that the “solution” is to turn her into a vampire. As far as he was concerned, it would solve their problems: she gets to die, she gets to embrace the darkness, she can finally admit to him and to herself that they are alike, and there’s no longer an excuse for them not to be together. Bam.

And we STILL could have gotten that moment from him where he realizes he’s gone too far, hurt her in a way that he’ll need to move heaven and earth to ever find forgiveness from, and he’d STILL have eventually arrived at the conclusion that trying to drag her into the darkness is wrong and what he needs to be doing is trying to bring himself and her into the light. The end result of Spike sacrificing himself and saving the world still could have been achieved, only the trigger for that could have been altered to better fit the narrative. 

It’s not just about fitting the narrative, either. It’s about disempowerment and slut-shaming. Did anyone else get the sense that s6 and s7 were both heavily pushing a really dark, misogynistic narrative??? I really got the message from seasons 6 and 7 that “casual sex = dark, morally wrong, irresponsible, and you’re just asking to be raped because your behavior is inviting them in” and then “minimal physical contact is the only path to true intimacy, and it’s healthier, more responsible, and morally right”. This is a show about a woman navigating her teens and early 20s. Equating consensual sex with badness and only softer, less physical moments of contact with goodness flies in the face of all of the female empowerment this show claims to be about. Women are people, people have sex, and some of that sex involves some, uhh, non-vanilla stuff! That’s perfectly okay, so I wasn’t really on board with the kind of “hot sex = BAD” message the writers seemed to be trying to push. 

Something that goes along with the previous point is, if you’re going to have an attempted rape plot point in your story, DO NOT GIVE THAT CHARACTER A REDEMPTION ARC. Under no circumstances should the Buffy writers have included a scene like that and then written season 7 in such a way that the viewer is encouraged to root for an attempted rapist. No matter how it was intended, whether they meant to or not, the message they sent with this subplot to the fans of this show (many of whom were young women, btw) was that rape or attempted rape could be excused or even completely forgotten about under the right circumstances or that it wasn’t that big of a deal. It took something huge and triggering, and it trivialized it to the point where it wasn’t even shown to matter in the series finale. Again, whether the writers meant this or not, the message they sent to viewers was that, if this kind of thing ever happened/happens to us, we can totally just move past it if the guy says/does the right things afterwards. The idea of attempting to turn her into a vampire more or less escapes this rut because vampires don’t actually exist and it’s not going to be immensely triggering or come off as victim-blaming to the millions of people who have survived such traumas in reality. It’s not going to paint one of the most difficult moments in a viewer’s life as something easily gotten over or forgotten about in favor of her abuser’s redemption. 

The show tried to have it both ways. It tried to have Spike do something utterly irredeemable, and then it tried to tell us all about his redemption arc. Spike’s character was headed toward redemption, so that’s why I lean towards the idea of having him attempt to turn her into a vampire as a switch for that scene. It’s still bad enough to convey the message that he’s soulless and this is reprehensible, without tapping into viewer trauma, relying on shock value, making him irredeemable, or throwing off the narrative. The alternative would be to have had Buffy finally kill him, write James off the show, have Buffy realize that soulless beings (including Anya) really can’t be trusted, and call it a day. They should have picked one or the other, but not both. You can’t ruin a character and then ask me to cheer for that character. But you also can’t tell me that that scene made any actual sense for the character. The whole thing is just a mess.

Really, it feels like the writers bit off more than they could chew, and this happened a lot in s6 and s7 with things like alcoholism and addiction. It came off as them wanting to tackle more irl social issues to be relevant and edgy, but they were ultimately writing a fantasy/action/comedy and that wasn’t necessarily the place to try and shoehorn such sensitive issues. At least, they could have retained the gist of the stories they were trying to tell without being so heavy-handed in the way they chose to tell them. Either you do tackle real social issues and you do so with the respect and tact they deserve (which, again, just doesn’t seem like the right approach for a show that’s not about those things and is also extremely difficult to pull off well anyway), or you leave them out. 

Anyway, I have a lot of feelings about this (clearly). I made it through to the series finale, but I will never fully respect the last two seasons as canon. This is some of the most irresponsible and frankly just bad storytelling I’ve ever seen.