#I probably need therapy lol

[starsandlemonbards]

How do you justify morals vs kink?

[findoesstuf]

Oh no….I have succumbed to the MLP virus trend….whatever will I do?

Start of our story:

Stress (Prologue, access parts 2 & 3 here): https://www.tumblr.com/findoesstuf/744497236410548224/banana-cream-puddin

Escape (Chapter 1, Part 1 only available): https://www.tumblr.com/findoesstuf/747739858791022592/banana-cream-puddin

[livvylubug]

Could Uzi maybe give Cyn a new voicebox so she can speak? Or is the Absolute Solver voice just embedded in Cyn's system?

Unfortunately for everyone, the Voice is permanent, Uzi tried a few times to get rid of it but couldn’t.

Which sucks considering the voice startles both Uzi and V, which is another reason cyn speaks with bubbles.

[ask-the-colony-tree-siblings]

How did Arti cause Hunter's rot? Isn't it a result of genetic decay?

I’ll be answering this one, because my boy Hunter is an unreliable narrator lol. (It’ll be a bit long, sorry bout that) (it will also be pretty sad)

So the thing is, she didn’t cause his rot.

After Arti left, Hunter wasn’t as efficient because it was harder to do missions without her help. NSH decided to try and modify Hunter to be, as he once phrased it, “more like Artificer.” Aside from being a huge hit to Hunter’s self esteem, this was also a pretty risky decision. Essentially, NSH was willing to put Hunter’s health and life on the line for his own convenience. Father of the year.

The risk didn’t end up paying off, because NSH made a mistake and ended up giving Hunter the rot. When he realized Hunter’s new sickness was fatal, he sent Hunter off to revive moon before it was too late. Hunter managed to make it to moon, before crawling away to die an agonizing death alone.

Except he didn’t die. 

Arti found him, Judge purified him and then Hunter woke up in the colony, still weak from his brush with permadeath but no longer rotting. 

Hunter blames Arti for the rot because in his mind, if she hadn’t of left, NSH wouldn’t have needed to try and modify Hunter. (Bear in mind NSH never needed to in the first place.) Hunter’s brain has warped everything just enough so that he can believe that NSH cares about him. Hunter knows Arti doesn’t, because she abandoned him without a second thought. But he’s clinging desperately with all the delusion he can muster up to the idea that NSH, his dad, cares about him. For Hunter, coming to terms with the fact that it was NSH’s fault, not Arti’s, means also coming to terms with the fact that nobody in the entire world cares about him.

The thing is, Hunter’s wrong. Gourmand cares about him, Survivor cares about him, and even Arti cares about him a little bit now too. But when you’ve been wrong about that before, it’s scary to think that people might actually care about you. Hunter thinks that accepting that people care about him will end up getting him hurt again. 

He’s so deep in his denial that he almost fully believes that it is Arti’s fault he had the rot. There’s a tiny bit of him that knows it isn’t true, but he’s ignoring it as much as he can.

[telesodalite]

Sort of a ramble, sort of me just writing my thoughts out while I'm stuck with writer's block, but I keep thinking about how Fulcrum was in stasis for roughly 3 million years??

Like, that's a long time, even for Cybertronians. Not a really long time, not an entire lifespan. But still, it's a large chunk of a normal lifespan just gone. Poof.

One second you're crawling across the pockmarked terrain of an alien planet, surrounded by the sound of gunfire, and the shouting and screaming before and after each earth shuddering impact of another k-con hitting the ground. And then it's quiet. You're not there anymore. You're drifting somewhere between not alive and just asleep. Preserved somewhere in the background of a doomed body, ignored by time and space, still here, but also not.

And then there's sound. Not gunfire. Not shouting or screaming. Not the sounds that'll haunt you till your dying days, your own death sentence pounding in your head. No. Just voices, talking, standing out against a silent, dead world. Wondering. Joking. Bickering. Familiar. Just, not familiar to you. And you're awake. Pulled back from the nothingness you've been frozen in, consciousness tugged forwards with the yank of a fuel pump and the nearness of life.

These two moments are roughly 3 million years apart, but only minutes, maybe even seconds, to him. From a hectic harrowing battlefield, to an old silent graveyard in one blink.

How long did it take to really sink in? I mean, he seems to just roll with it. He doesn't seem particularly bothered. But like, what happened outside of what we see? How did he really feel?

Also, his body aged without him. While his mind preserved itself, freezing him as he was right then, his body was left to weather Clemency for all those years. No wonder it crumbled to dust when he jumped off the world sweeper. It's probably a miracle of some kind that it didn't just fall apart each time someone leaned on him.

And even after they rebuild him, give him a better, newer body. His spark, it's casing, all the irreplaceable core bits that make up their inner bodies, it aged in the time without him. Does he feel it? Does it make his body even more foreign to him?

Then he's also a technician with information that's 3 million years out of date. Lucky him that the scavengers probably weren't working with top of the line material. But still it's gotta be weird when faced with anything brand new, because a lot can change and progress in 3 million years, and now some of the knowledge he once prided himself in is obsolete.

Besides those things, his view of the galaxy, of the war, of their kind, of other kinds, is one of the few things actually pointed out when it comes to him being stuck in the past. So, how often were his old views challenged? Facts of life he held close proved to no longer true? There's 3 million years worth of new science, new beliefs, new words, new terms, new views.

And sure, some of it can be familiar, because they're an ever evolving kind, and they have patterns, core beliefs, repeating behaviors, but a lot of it's gonna be unfamiliar at the same time, because it's 3 million years worth of catch up, it's not like missing last week's trend.

In a way, it makes him a living relic of a bygone era for Decepticons. It would've been really interesting to have had that explored a little more.

[sysig]

Dr. “Has to get a good grade in therapy” Doran (Patreon)

[daughters-of-liberty]

Question, how many of you had authority figures blame you for their incompetence or shortsightedness while you were growing up?

For example: you're cooking with said authority figure. You're a child. They're an adult. The two of you are cooking pasta. The pasta boils over. The authority figure, an adult, blames you, the child, for not paying attention.

Did this or a similar scenario ever happen to you?

[solradguy]

New GG books came in!! The guide books are dry as hell, absolutely nothing new or interesting in either of them. They need to be skinned before I can scan them so they're backburner projects for now. The Famitsu issue's pretty interesting, I'll scan that when I can

[isakyakihasmyheart]

Mind Dump 5 years on...

This is the first time I've logged into this account since 2019(ish) so I'm pretty sure there's going to be no one left here but if you are, Hi! I'm just going to dump this post here because I am a tumblr girl at heart and laying my most deepest thoughts to strangers on the internet is all I've ever known...

After the recent news of the death of Liam Payne 2 days ago I've been thinking about this website non-stop. Like many people, this news hit me so unexpectedly emotionally. Grieving someone I never knew, but also grieving a time in my life I can never ever experience again.

My life has changed so much since I last logged into this account, and yet so little at the same time. I started this account in early 2017 after I got into SKAM back in 2016, abandoning a previous Dan and Phil centred account I had from 2014. I was still in school, the last season of SKAM lining up with my own life of leaving school and starting university. I remember thinking that was so cool, watching these characters I grew to adore also experiencing their last year alongside me. I started university in late 2018, studying to become a nurse but yet never got over SKAM. Instead, I became obsessed DRUCK and connected to Matteo in a way I haven't ever experienced with another fictional character since (the only close match being Connell from Normal People in that one uni scene iykyk). However, I ultimately ended up abandoning this account in 2019.

I don't actually know why I stopped coming on this website. Because since I was 14 this website was all I could ever think about. Me and best friend in 2014 were absolutely obsessed with tubmlr. We would literally spend hours on this website reblogging the most random things, and things that at that point in our lives meant so much to us. And with this recent news, I've felt this strong tsunami of nostalgia for that period of my life.

I was never a 1D blog, but I loved 1D. Not very openly as I had older sisters who made fun of me for it. I squashed any outwardly expression of my love for them to avoid this at all costs. A major cost being turning down to go and see them in concert in 2014/2015 when my friend (mentioned above) had an extra ticket. I think about that often and regret it every time. When covid came around and we were in lockdown I was in the mid/end of my 2nd year of uni, 20 years of age. I know a lot of people talk of how they regressed back to their younger passions, and so did I. I had the full 1D experience I never let myself have, not caring about others' opinions on it (mainly my older sister). I listened to their music nonstop every single day, watching so many edits and even reading fan fics. I truly felt like I was 14 again. But there was always that voice in the back of my head saying, "you're too late, it's not the same, you've missed out on it all." I yearned with everything in me to be that teenage girl again. It was during this period in 2020 that my family relationships also became very volatile and dysfunctional, meaning 1D became an even bigger safe space for me.

I've always been a nostalgic person in the worst way possible. I can't help but let the regrets of things I never did consume me. The thoughts of how different my life could be, how different I could be, it always plagues me. I know this sounds dramatic because I'm talking about a 2010s boyband, believe me I know it does.

But I was 14 when my life started to go to shit, when my mental health first started to decline and truthfully it has never recovered. Maybe because in the back of my mind, I always felt like that 14 year old girl, scared and alone and hurting so bad with no one to help her. And the unbelievable shocking news of Liam Payne dying, it's just transporting me back to that period of my life. Even more so as I lost my dad very unexpectedly and traumaticly in March this year.

I just feel so full of grief for so many things all at once, all separate yet all so intertwined. I would truly give anything and everything I have to just relive being that teenage girl, even the unspeakable bad parts. And it makes me so angry to know I can't. And of course, I can't, because that's not how time works! Yet it feels like I can't breathe when I come to that realisation. In all its dramatic flare, it genuinely feels like it's killing me that I can't ever experience that life again.

All in all, I'll never truly forget this website. Especially not this account, I loved this account! Maybe this is just the part of growing up I'm currently struggling with. I'm 24 now, which in itself is scary because no matter what I am and always will be that 14 year old girl.

Girlhood is forever and always xx

[bueris]

okay maybe I should seriously reconsider my path in life and sell my soul to marketing or journalism instead

[iman-92]

it’s weird to think that in a lot of ways who you were as a child is your most authentic self bc so much of your early years are spent being encouraged to leave yourself behind in the name of growth. and then as you navigate through life, you come to a particular realisation that the path to happiness is just finding your way back to yourself. like if life is a journey, then the destination has always been you.

[yourlocaldisneyvillain]

i really need a new therapist

[the-cosmicbeans]

I still think about that one PIT cutscene where you meet Fawful, and how he KNEW he had some pretty bad issues. And then he just brushes it off... like Fawful please this is NOT going to end well 😭

[infinitelystrangemachinex]

Mel for the unhinged character bingo!

yessss YEEEESSSSSSSSS

[finalgirlgretchen]

this is why i can't post about not doing well on my instagram because undoubtedly one of my irl friends swipes up and is like "been there lol" no girl. i can assure u that u have not, in fact, been here. i can assure u that this is not a stamp on ur passport. i can assure u that u do not even know the name of this country

[thegirlwholivesin-delusion]