#I own all my world files; I have direct access to them

[medicinemane]

So, I decided I wanted to check out this modpack that had looked interesting, so I go and download the curseforge app (cause modpacks are kind of a pain to launch without a launcher... as in I'm not sure how you even do it)

Dear god, which a fucking monster. They've got fucking ads running all over the fucking place

Instadeleted it, you do no get to serve me ads under any circumstances, if you do fuck you, I'm not using you. You're not a website, you're an app, and if you're pounding me with ads regardless of what I'm doing, then I don't think you're secure (and even if you are fuck you)

So I've had to track down an alternative one called uh... GDLauncher. Can't say for sure, but so far seems much much better... seems like an opensource launcher that's just a launcher and that's it

Not that any of you play modpacks so not that this matters, but that curseforge shit was just so bad I had to complain

[peanutpinet]

Little Things - Sylus x Isekai Fem Reader

Summary: When your consciousness somehow ended up in the LADS MC’s body right as Sylus’ character was released. You went through what the MC was supposed to do in the game and while waiting for the next update, you’ve gotten closer to Sylus that he treats you with everything you couldn’t have in your world

A/N: I can’t help but make a fic where you took over the MC’s body and became the MC. Though in this fic, Sylus already knows that you’re not exactly the MC yet he’s also not complaining about your company and even started to open up to you and even allow you to use his money but he’s confused as to why you’re not spending as much as he thought

I was inspired by a fic that I read on Tumblr by @atoltia

Sequel: Welcome to My World

Disclaimer: I do not own the images nor the characters or you (the MC). All images were taken from Pinterest.

Warning: will be using MC instead of (Y/N) as it’s easier for me, fluff, slight angst (no character death), overthinker MC, soft Sylus

“You go talk to him” Luke nudged his twin brother who stared back at him thinking that he was crazy

“Are you crazy? I’m not talking to him. Have you seen how he’s been the past few weeks? He’s been on his phone, checking something out almost every day unless he’s with MC” Kieran replied back as both he and Luke were eyeing Sylus who was in his study, wearing some comfortable clothing and glasses while scrolling through his phone

“Do you think that he’s planning to do something for MC? Like maybe propose to her? I mean. ever since their first meeting, he’s been different? More attentive towards MC. He even gave her the brooch which is the direct access to the N109 zone. He even let her drive his cars and do whatever she wanted with the place though I like her style. It feels more homey nowadays” Luke pointed out and Kieran agreed with his twin

The twins kept on talking in front of the study room until Sylus had it and called the twins inside. “I know you both are out there. Either come in and report what you want to report or leave before I stop letting either of you peek around”

Immediately, the twins walked into the study where they saw their boss still not looking up from his phone. The twins looked at each other before agreeing to speak at the same time.

“We cleaned up at the next like you said” Kieran mentioned

“Are you going to propose to MC?” Luke mentioned

The twins looked at each other, confused that their twin telepathy was not working when they needed it. Hearing a grunt, the twins immediately apologised and begged Sylus to not hurt them or worse; make them clean the entire penthouse.

“What Luke meant was how is MC?” Kieran quickly changed his twin’s wording

“Yea. That’s what I meant. I mean, you seem to be glued to your phone boss. We assume that it’s because of MC so we were wondering if anything happened to her or if you need us to watch her?” Luke added on

“Actually, perhaps you can watch her for me” Sylus mentioned and the twins sighed of relief until they heard the next words come out of Sylus’ mouth. “I’d like to know why isn’t she using my card like I expected her to”

The twins looked at each other, confused once more. “What do you mean she’s not using your card, sir?” Kieran asked

“Do you think she lost it? Or perhaps she gave it to someone and that’s why her spending is crazy” Luke added on and for the first time, the twins saw their boss put his phone down only to open up several holographic files; specifically transactions from his card

“No. It’s quite the opposite actually. She has my card. She uses it but not as much as I thought. She’s only spending on the daily necessities and occasionally a book or two. Never any jewellery, any new clothing. She only bought one hairdryer set and never any other hair tools except a brush and clips and even those are cheap. The most she spent was just a water dispenser and an air fryer. What, does she think that she’s being stingy if she were to spend a lot of my money? Or perhaps she wants to seem more independent? What if she thinks that I’m in debt?” Sylus kept going on until the twins stopped him

“Uh, boss. I don’t think it’s any of those reasons” Luke mentioned, catching Sylus’ attention. “What do you mean, Luke?”

“I mean. I’ve, we’ve, talked to her sometimes and she just mentioned that she doesn’t know what to use all the money for. I don’t think that she thinks you’re in debt or feel bad about using your money. It’s just that she’s not used to it. Not used to having a lot of money that she’s overwhelmed?” Luke explained while Sylus had a deep thought

“Overwhelmed? It’s the first I heard of this. You would think that when someone has this amount of money in the palm of their hands, they would go crazy almost immediately” Sylus replied

“Well, she’s not like most people, sir” Luke added on and that’s what got Sylus to get up from his study room and go to find MC

Sylus looked around for you in the penthouse from the kitchen, living room, the guest bedroom where you typically like to be when you’re alone, and finally, his bedroom which is practically your shared bedroom ever since an incident that happened early in your meeting together.

As he was walking towards the master bedroom, Sylus could hear some music playing. Slowly opening the door to the room, Sylus peeked in and saw your small figure on the bed, humming to the music that was playing from your phone at the same time doing something.

Smiling to himself, Sylus decided to lean by the door as he made himself noticed by you. “Sweetie, what are you doing in here all alone?”

Looking up from your hands, you looked at Sylus who put on that soft smile only for you. “Hi Sy. I’m just trying to stitch up a T-shirt of mine. I’m almost done. Do you need help to make dinner?” you asked, finishing up the T-shirt you were stitching as Sylus made his way towards you

“No. I’ve decided to order in for tonight. I got your favourites” Sylus mentioned as you hummed

“There we go. Finally done. So, dinner?” you mentioned, placing down the T-shirt you were sewing which made Sylus chuckled

“It’s on its way, sweetheart. Which means…” Sylus grabbed your hand and yanked you towards him, laying down on the bed together as he held you close. “We have a bit of time to ourselves before dinner comes”

Giggling at his clingy behaviour, you accepted defeat that you couldn’t fight him on this and just leaned your head to his chest, listening to his slightly abnormal fast heartbeat while feeling Sylus’ fingers going through your hair.

“Sweetie…” Sylus called you while you hummed, feeling a bit drowsy

“Why do you work so hard to sew your T-shirt when you could’ve bought a new one? You know that I can find someone to make the exact same one with the same materials and everything” Sylus mentioned

“I know” you answered, drawing circles on Sylus’ chest while continuing. “I know that you could most probably buy anything I want and more. But while all that sounds good, it’s the little things, the memories that come with what I have now that matter”

“Is that so?” Sylus asked, as if he was still unsure of your answer and the tone he used made you look up at him. “Is there something wrong with my answer? Was it not what you expected? Along with how I’ve been using your card?” you asked back which made Sylus chuckle

“You know me so well, don’t you kitten?” Sylus chuckled, caressing your cheek with his large hands now making you giggle

“I mean, I’ve been observing you longer than you observing me. But you should know, I’m more than grateful for you giving me your card. It’s an incredible privilege and it makes me know how much trust you have in me. Though, I don’t need all that when I can do all the little things with you. Even as simple as cleaning together or moments like right now is what I cherish the most” you mentioned and using his hand that was on your cheek, Sylus gently lifted your face as he gave your lips one of the softest kisses you ever had whilst caressing your cheek at the same time

Pulling away, you were met with Sylus’ soft gaze and smile once again and instantly felt the heat rush to your cheeks as you questioned him. “W-what’s with the sudden affection”

Smirking, Sylus pulled your smaller body with him as he sat on the bed, leaning at the headboard. “Why not? You said you cherish the little things and moments. If you won’t accept being spoiled by my wealth then I might as well spoil you with what you actually want, isn’t that right?”

Hearing those words out of his mouth made your head feel light. Throughout your life back home, you rarely get any affection from those close to you; resulting in indulging yourself with what used to be a “silly game” until you somehow ended up in the silly game yourself.

You closed your eyes, worried that water that was building in your eyes would spill because of the constant worry and thought that this was all just a dream. Noticing your quiet self, Sylus grew worried and cupped your face with both his hands and saw that a tear managed to slip out of your eye. “Sweetie? What’s wrong? Was I pressuring you?”

Shaking your head, you managed to reply to him. “No. You’re not. It’s just…I’m, I worry”

“Worry? About what sweetheart? Take your time. I got you” Sylus replied

“I…you know I don’t belong here and yet you still spoil me. What if one day, I somehow wake up and I’m back in my own world? What if one day when you wake up, it’s who you were supposed to meet that greets you? What if…” Sylus didn’t let you continue as he immediately kissed you once again, though this time was slightly rough with a sense of urgency

“I don’t want any what ifs, kitten. You’re here. In my arms. My lips are on yours. Your body might be someone else’s but your soul is what I care more about. Even if one day you go back. I’ll find a way. Against all odds, I’ll find a way back to you even if it’s against the universe” Sylus stated, his grip on your face getting a bit tighter as if he was afraid that you’d slip away

“Sylus…” you softly called him, holding his hand that was on your face when Sylus grabbed your hand, interlacing your fingers together

“You feel this? It’s real. Just like me. Just like right now. So stop saying these things or do you need me to show you how real this is?” Sylus mentioned, his tone was a bit harsh but soft at the same time

“You’re crazy you know that. Defying the universe to go to another” you pouted but it successfully made Sylus chuckle

“I am. I would do that you know” Sylus took your hand and kissed the knuckles. “I’d do whatever it takes to find you”

“But you don’t know what I actually look like” you argued

“I know your name, your age, how you act” Sylus replies, making you chuckle

“You really are a stubborn crow, aren’t you?” you teased and Sylus leaned down to kiss your forehead. “Only for you, sweetie”

“Come. Dinner should be arriving. We can put on that show you’ve been wanting to watch. Or we can do something else” Sylus mentioned, picking you up so suddenly that you immediately wrapped your arms around his neck

“Can we just chill on the sofa with some chill movie and cuddle?” you asked

Smiling, Sylus kissed you again. “Anything you want, sweetie. We’re making the most together and appreciating all the little things, remember?”

Sylus then brought the two of you to the living room where he let you turn on the TV and ate dinner together, wrapping a blanket around the two of you as you both enjoyed the rest of the night basking in each other’s embrace and enjoying these small intimate moments together.

A/N: OMG thank you so much to everyone who has been reading, liking, and reblogging my Sylus fics T^T I truly did not expect so many people enjoy my writing especially the fact that I'm new to the LADS space. If anyone wants to be mutuals on the game, do message me!! Otherwise, thank you for reading and hope this fic managed to brighten your day!! xoxo peanutwott

[tsbs-confessionverse]

[BOOT SEQUENCE INITIATED] LOADING... SYSTEM ONLINE. WELCOME TO THE LORE DATABASE.

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[srgntjamesbuckybarnes]

The List (5)

Summary: When a hit list spreads around New York, Bucky’s ex-wife is the only one with any information.

Rating: Mature

Pairing: Mafia Bucky Barnes x Ex-Wife Reader

Warnings: None

Word Count: 3.5k

A/N: Not Beta’d. Thank you for all of the comments. I read them all! Let me know if I missed you in the taglist!

Series Masterlist

Previous Chapter

Chapter 5

Nothing ages the soul faster than pain. Y/N had spent the entirety of her marriage to Bucky nestled under his wing. Warm. Safe. Hidden. He had always been her protector. The second her life was threatened she fell back into familiar habits. No matter how far she jumped, gravity always dragged her back down to Bucky Barnes. A sick joke from the universe or fate? Y/N would never know. She wasn’t the same person Bucky previously married, but neither was he. When they had first wed, neither could imagine a life without one another but if the divorce proved them wrong, why were they back where they started?

Like a snake shedding its skin, the pair was forced to grow. Each new scale bound together like the armor of a knight. The protective layer of thick skin was worn with honor, displayed like a war trophy. Neither one of them had made it out of the divorce unscathed, but they had both survived it. Bucky never doubted Y/N was the one for him, their timing had just been off. Right person, wrong time. Life is like a string. The ending and beginning are always the same, people are born and then they die. It’s all the knots in between that mold people and their relationships. Y/N and Bucky hit a knot in their string. Their perfect marriage became messy and tangled but if they could unravel the knot the string could resume its course. Y/N hoped all of their time spent apart had allowed them to grow together, not apart like they had thought.

Bucky had always held the power in their relationship, but now he was a king in check, trapped behind bars. Y/N was free, free to make moves. Steve had been right. The queen held all of the power. She had been playing the game wrong all along. It wasn’t her who needed protection, it was Bucky. He had just handed her access to the board, to his men. Y/N filed her nails and sharpened her teeth. The prey had become the predator and Y/N was ready to hunt.

Dancing her way into the kitchen with a newfound confidence, Y/N skidded to a halt at the sight of Steve. A coffee mug pressed against his lips as he occupied a stool at the end of the island. He barely spared her a glance, his focus trained on the newspaper in front of him. Y/N would have found it offensive had she not known the man. He had always been more of a brother to Bucky, and she had come to see him as a brother-in-law. She respected him. That was the reason she halted. He wouldn’t approve of her decision.

Clearing her throat, Y/N held her head high as her bare feet padded across the kitchen.

“Morning,” Steve’s deep voice rumbled.

With her back turned to him, Y/N poured herself a cup of coffee mumbling her own greeting. She needed a firm hand to guide her in Bucky’s world, but she hadn’t forgotten the way Steve toyed with her. Maybe he was disappointed Bucky hadn’t left him in charge. It didn’t matter now. Bucky appointed her. At least that’s what Steve told her.

She could hear the crinkle of the newspaper turning before he spoke, “Did you give my advice some thought?”

It was now or never. Y/N clasped her mug between her palms and sauntered across from Steve. Again, he didn’t acknowledge her standing across from him, his head buried in the paper. The sound of her mug connecting with the marble finally caught his attention. The blonde’s head snapped up to face her.

“I did,” Y/N said slowly, dragging the words out.

Steve raised an eyebrow folding the newspaper in front of him. “And?” He pressed; his hands folded on top of the printed paper.

Y/N eyed him for a moment, her tongue pressed against the roof of her mouth. “I’ve decided to take another direction.” Steve shook his head, his pink lips parted. Y/N could taste the argument on his lips so she beat him to it. “You’re demoted, Steve.” The bewildered look on his face almost made her take it back, almost.

“You’re not serious, Y/N.”

The way he said it made her jaw tick. It was a statement rather than a question. As if she wasn’t capable of being serious. As if he didn’t take her seriously. He was the child, not her. Pressing her palms into the marble countertop, she leaned forward. “You may have been right yesterday but what you did was childish. You may have Bucky’s best interest at heart and be Bucky’s best right-hand man, but you are not mine.” Steve opened his mouth again, but Y/N held up a hand. “I get it, Steve, really, I do. Bucky is your friend. It was you picking up the pieces when I moved out but that doesn’t excuse your methods with me. I love you Stevie, but I need someone who is going to be upfront with me and not play these games you and Bucky orchestrated. I need my best right-hand man, not Bucky’s.”

The stool screeched against the tile floor as Steve stood. “You’re making a mistake, Y/N. Bucky will be out soon and when he is, he will undo everything you change.”

Sipping her coffee mug, Y/N smiled. “Then it is my mistake to make. If I fail, you win. Enjoy this demotion. Take a break, go on vacation.”

“Lives are at risk Y/N, it is not the time to experiment,” Steve growled.

“Then Bucky wouldn’t have appointed me.” Y/N picked up her mug ready to exit the kitchen. “Effective immediately, Bucky will report to me.” Exiting the kitchen, the conversation was dismissed.

A nagging feeling in the back of her mind warned her she was making a mistake. That she should listen to Steve. He was in the business longer, he knew better. Y/N shook the feeling away, her feet carrying her across the house in search of her right-hand man. Bucky trusted her. She knew the enemy better than any of Bucky’s men. She hadn’t made her decision on a whim; Loki knew where Bucky was and was expecting Steve to take over. It was the logical thing to do.

“Hey Y/N, where are you off to in such a hurry?”

Y/N smiled at the familiar voice. Exactly who she was looking for. “Hey, Sam. I was going to head to the prison, but I wanted to get your opinion on something first.”

Sam crossed his arms across his chest. “Shoot.”

“How would you feel about a promotion?”

Strumming her nails against the cold metal table, Y/N counted down the seconds the inmates would stroll through the door. Bucky was finally able to receive in-person visits. Her chest tightened at the thought of finally feeling his hand in hers, his arms wrapped around her, his lips against her own. Being so close yet so far was torture but she wasn’t here for Bucky. At least not yet.

Sam sat at a separate table a few feet beside her. He was just as eager to see his boss, his friend, but he had mastered controlling his emotions. Sam had been in the business for years. Prison wasn’t anything new to him. He visited plenty of people, even he mentored some of them before he joined Bucky. Sam was no stranger to visiting friends in prison, but visiting Bucky in prison was new. Steve had been Bucky’s primary contact since his arrest. How would he take Y/N cutting Steve off of him? Sam’s mind swirled with a million possibilities of the kind of man that would walk through the door. Would he still be the boss he knew or worse? The answer was neither.

A buzz rang out alerting the visitors of the arrival of the inmates before the door opened. Each visitor rose from their chair in unison fighting to make their presence known in the same way one would when picking up an individual from an airport. A sea of orange piled into the room followed by the rattle of handcuffs. Despite the matching uniforms, one person stood out amongst the rest. Bucky. His 6-foot frame towered over the other men. The white sling across his chest stuck out like a sore thumb.

Sam couldn’t help but scoff at Bucky’s appearance. Steve had told him Bucky was doing well but Sam had expected him to look rougher. A wolf in sheep's clothing; a true chameleon. Bucky was able to blend in anywhere, prison was no exception.

Bucky shuffled into the gray room one foot in front of the other. His shoulders squared as much as he could with his injury. The entire prison was dull, including the visitor room. It made sense considering the prisoners were dressed in one of the loudest colors imaginable. It made it easy for the guards to keep track of everyone. Bucky was shocked to have received a request for a visit from Sam. Steve would have at least mentioned it to Bucky the last time they spoke.

Bucky came to a standstill as the men in front of him stopped. Waiting for his turn to be guided to a table, Bucky held his head high, scanning the room for Sam. Given his height, he was able to see over everyone, easily spotting Sam. Feeling another set of eyes on him, Bucky’s eyes drifted around the room. It was possible Loki had sent someone reckless to take him out with guards around. He wouldn’t put it past him. Bucky would rather overestimate the man and be prepared rather than underestimate him and be dead.

During his scan, Bucky did a double take, his eyes landing on Y/N. Curiosity ate away at Bucky between Sam’s visit and Y/N being here. He wasn’t expecting her; she hadn’t requested a visit with him.

Y/N held Bucky’s intense gaze. She could tell he was confused, his eyes pleading for answers, but she would let Sam handle that. She had a more important task at hand. She saw Bucky’s jaw clench before a shadow towered over her.

“Y/N Y/L/N,” a cheerful voice called out, pulling her eyes from Bucky.

Y/N turned to the man beside her, uncuffed with his arms outstretched for a hug. His soft green eyes stared at her like a lost puppy, and she couldn’t help chuckle as she embraced him. “Scott Lang. It’s been a while.”

The brunette’s chest rumbled beneath the orange fabric as he pulled away. Motioning to the steel chair Y/N had been previously sitting in, Scott invited her to join him at the table which Y/N gladly accepted.

“So, what brings you to my neck of the woods? Sorry, I didn’t know you were coming sooner, I would have spruced the place up a bit,” Scott joked.

Y/N had met Scott on a trip to California after her split from Bucky. He too had been recently divorced. Unlike Y/N and Bucky, Scott and his ex-wife had a daughter, Cassandra, so they were in frequent contact. Y/N had wondered if she and Bucky had a child would they have been as civil as Scott and his ex-wife? Maybe they would have worked it out and wouldn’t have divorced at all. Maybe they never would have lost contact.

Y/N laughed, ignoring Bucky’s glare as he passed her. She forgot how goofy Scott was. He always made his daughter laugh. He was a good dad. Unfortunately, his career choice kept him from her. A regret he kicked himself over time and time again; however, no matter how illegal, it did support her. That was all he wanted to do, provide for his daughter. Y/N’s heart went out to the troubled little family. She couldn’t imagine having a child with Bucky while he was in and out of prison.

“You’re a long way from San Diego. Had I known you were here I would have come to visit sooner,” Y/N smiled softly.

Scott shrugged, “Judge thought a change of scenery would do me good. Little does he know; he just gave me access to more connections.”

Y/N hummed. That was the exact reason she came to visit him. Scott was an extremely personable guy, and he knew everyone in the wrong business. “Actually Scott, that is what I came to talk to you about.”

Scott clasped his hands together on the metal table, leaning forward. “I’m all ears.”

Clearing her throat, Y/N whispered, “I need to track someone down by the name of Thor and I need it to be done as discreetly as possible.”

Scott slammed his hand on top of the table, the bang ringing around the room. Everyone’s eyes shot to the pair. Realizing his mistake, Scott held his hands up at the guards who began to approach the table. Scott began to fumble over his words explaining he wasn’t being violent, but Y/N tuned him out. Staring at Bucky who kept his murderous glare locked on Scott, Y/N turned to Sam who looked equally as furious.

“Ma’am,” a guard called, snapping his fingers in her face.

Y/N jumped, tilting her head back to face the guard.

“Are you okay?”

Swallowing the lump in her throat, Y/N nodded. “We’re fine.”

“Keep it down over here.” The guard eyed the two of them for a moment before turning on his heel.

Once the guard disappeared, Y/N waved a hand at Sam dismissing him. Then she reached across the table and flicked Scott in the forearm.

“Ouch,” he began rubbing his arm, “What was that for.”

“For causing a scene. What part of discrete did you not understand? Isn’t discretion part of your job?”

Scott gestured around the room. “I never said I was good at it.” Clearly or he wouldn’t have been caught several times. “Anyway, you’re looking for Odinson?”

Y/N nodded leaning back in her chair.

A dopey grin graced his face, “Well, you’re hot.”

Y/N’s eyebrows raised, “Excuse me?”

“The hot and cold game. Me and Cassie play it all the time.” When Y/N didn’t respond, Scott waved his hand. “Forget it.” He leaned closer, “Thor is here.”

Eyes widening, Y/N pressed her palms against the edge of the table steadying herself. “In the prison?!”

Scott nodded, “Apparently royalty isn’t above the law. At least not overseas anyway. Boozie one he is.” He began to mimic a drunken man passed out.

“Well, can I meet with him?”

The man tilted his head pursing his lips. “Thor is in solitary confinement for fighting the guards.” Y/N frowned. Her plan had been a dead end. Steve was right. She should have listened to him. “But I know a guy who can get a message to him when he gets out.” Scott offered. Y/N perked up nodding enthusiastically. Scott jerked his head to his left. “They frequent the same circle. He could get the message to Odinson.” Y/N followed the direction his head pointed and snorted. Bucky.

“He’s a cool guy. I think you’d like ‘em.”

Y/N held back a laugh at the irony as she glanced down at her ring. “Thanks, Scott. Can I give Cassie a message?”

“Actually, just send her one of those creepy dolls she likes so much. She’ll know it’s from me.”

Y/N rolled her eyes before squeezing his hand. “Will do. Thanks, Lang.”

Scott raised his hand signaling the end of their conversation. In a matter of seconds, he was escorted out of the room leaving Y/N alone at the table with her thoughts. In chess, the king wasn’t useless, he could still take pieces out and make moves. He was just limited, like Bucky. It was his turn to make a move.

Y/N stood, approaching Sam and Bucky. Without a word, Sam rose from his seat sending Bucky a nod before moving to stand to talk with one of the guards. Y/N was grateful that he chatted with the guards to avoid them making a fuss over her and Bucky not having an appointment.

Bucky would have stood and waited for her to sit if it wouldn’t draw attention to them. He yearned to hold her in his arms but that wasn’t going to happen, at least not now. Instead, he let his eyes shamelessly roam her face and body. Y/N blushed under his gaze and didn’t hesitate to grasp his open palm, outstretched on the table. Bucky squeezed her hand, his eyes admiring the ring on her finger.

“You got the ring,” he observed. Y/N hummed in response. Bringing her hand up to his mouth, his lips grazed the back of her hand. “I can’t wait to get out of here so I can fuck you wearing only this,” he growled, pressing his lips against her knuckle.

“Bucky,” Y/N gasped.

He sent her a sly grin adjusting the ring on her finger. He knew just what to say to make her squirm. “Sam told me you’ve been making some big changes. Good to know you haven’t changed that much.”

Y/N narrowed her eyes, “Why didn’t you tell me what you had planned?” 

Bucky didn’t need her to elaborate on what she meant. He knew she was talking about putting her in charge. For a long moment, he said nothing, his chest rising and falling with each breath he took. Y/N tightened her grip on his hand, reminding him of the question he had yet to answer.

Bucky exhaled, thumbing the ring on her finger. “I told you the conversations on the phone were recorded.”

Y/N bobbed her head, “We’re not on the phone now Buck. You promised to be honest with me, to let me in.”

His left shoulder slumped. “Steve and I speak in code sometimes. Makes situations like this and speaking in front of enemies easier. We’ve known each other so long that some things don’t need to be said out loud. Sometimes a look is enough.”

Y/N felt a pang of jealousy strike her heart like lightning. Bucky had always been close with Steve. They shared a bond that not even Bucky and Y/N had. Her ex-husband never let her fully in and it was the downfall of their marriage.

“You asked for my protection. Steve and I agreed that wouldn’t change no matter what, but I had to make sure you were all in before I handed you the keys to the castle.” His thumb stilled on the diamond. “Steve is mean sweetheart because I asked him to be. Not with words but I know he understood. He knows it would kill me if something happened to you. Hell,” he huffed, “it nearly killed me the first time. I already lost you once, I can’t do it again.”

Y/N frowned, “That doesn’t excuse the childish games you two play. This is why I demoted Steve. He’s not loyal to the mob, he's loyal to you.”

Bucky removed his hand from hers to brush a strand of hair behind her ear. “Oh, pretty girl, you don’t get how truly important you are.”

“Steve suggested we use the wedding as bait.”

Bucky leaned back in his seat. “What do you think?”

Y/N shook her head. “I met with Scott to discuss an alternative route.” Buck nodded, glad to have some light shown on why Y/N had been talking to Lang. “He said you run with the same crowd as Thor. He’s Loki’s stepbrother.” Bucky’s eyes widened. “I need you to talk to him. Tell him I sent you. Tell him the whole story if you have to. We need him on our side.”

Bucky stared at her as if she was crazy. “The guy isn’t stable Y/N. He lost his eye in a fight. He’s in solitary confinement. The guy could snap if he learns that his brother has a hit list on us. He could kill me.”

Y/N chuckled. “Don’t tell me New York’s big bad mob boss is afraid of a big oaf. Thor is nothing like Loki. He’s a good guy. He wants to help Loki.”

Ignoring her comment, Bucky pressed, “And what do I tell him when he asks how we're going to help him? I don’t think he’ll take well to us planning to kill his brother.”

Glancing around the room for anyone listening, Y/N leaned forward hissing, “We are not killing him.”

Bucky winked, “Got it.”

“I’m serious, Bucky. If we can get Thor to help us, we can lure Loki out and Thor can take Loki home to get help.”

“And if he refuses? If he gets away?”

“I need you to trust me. I know this family better than anyone else on our side.”

Bucky signed. “Should I be worried about the number of men you know that are sitting in prison?”

“You’re in prison,” Y/N pointed out.

The brunette nodded, running his fingers through his beard. “I trust you.”

“Good, because you report to me now. Not Steve, not Sam, not Peter. Me.”

Bucky groaned, “Careful darling, keep talking like that and I might not be able to wait until I get out of here.”

Next Chapter

Taglist: @vicmc624 @winterslove1917 @unaxv @hangmanscoming @globetrotter28 @athenabarnes @shara-ne @mal-adaptive-dreams @jvanilly @d3m0n8ch1ld @ppbhquinn @alysianc @firstcashheroathlete @malum-forev @missvelvetsstuff @animegirlgeeky @blue786sworld @blackwood-bodecker-housewife @alessandraavengers @ozwriterchick @nerdgirljen @emily-roberts @pandabearrrrrrr @venting402 @barewithme02 @introverbatim @buckybarnessimpp @mega-kittyglitter-1 @a-poor-gryffindork @toriluvsfics @samahenoyrhye @motivation-idontknowher @pics-and-fanfics @po55um @devil1112 @keeperofsecrets6411 @natasha-died-4-our-sins @marvel-marauder16 @sugamilkteaxkookiesxcream @mcu21lover19 @imgaybutimstraight @buckysbarne @playboystark @sarge-and-caps-princess @eviltinkerbell14 @quethekillerqueen @barewithme02 @buuuuuuucky @reader-without-a-story @5lutty5arah

[flamebearrel]

🔬 + 🎵 + 🗺 for that ask game? I don't even go there, I just like to hear what you have to say about things

ACK thank you… you’re the light of my life

🔬: What character do you want to put under a microscope?

I’m gonna go with YouTube! I dunno why I like it so much but it being a relatively original design based on the UI makes it stand out from the other non-stick antagonists. Plus just LOOK at this goofy thing

If I have to pick a stick specifically then Red. He comes up with such unique and clever solutions to problems that no one else even considers

🎵: What’s a song you imagine an AvA/AvM animatic to? What’s the animatic?

Mother Mother must put something in their music to make so many of their songs animatic-able I'm telling you… In The Wings works really well for Purple I think, a recurring character who continuously teeters between friend and antagonist! Picturing the first verse being about their backstory with their parents and the second about the initial part of their arc where they meet Blue and Green (maybe the bridge montages the later parts idk). Relevant doodles attached

🗺: How do you imagine the world works?

I’ve seen on the wiki and in some discussions that people categorize sticks as either “Artificial” (the hollow-heads) or “Natural” (your “typical” solid color) stick figures. Frankly, I realllly don’t like this system because it clumps these guys with entirely different backgrounds together-

-but not these guys, despite living at most in different neighborhoods and under the exact same conditions.

I’d categorize them instead by how they originate: either “Drawn/Animated”, “Website/Game”, or “City/Outernet” stick figures.

Drawn sticks are created local to someone's desktop, usually via drawing program by an artist or animator. The powers and abilities they have depend on the names they are given, as well as (optional) code like The Dark Lord has. They can detach themselves from their original files, but presumably cannot be recovered if they do so and get taken out. These include Alan's hollow-heads, which are the only ones we've outright seen, but it's canon that other people have brought sticks to life too

Website and game sticks originate from the internet on, as you can guess, designated sites/games. The logistics of their abilities, appearances and lifestyles vary wildly depending on the worldbuilding of their source. If they die they can be revived if in close access to their webpage, but if that goes down, they're taken out too. Red, Blue, Green, Yellow and any Newgrounds/Stick Page guys fall into this category

City sticks live in the Outernet, a separate region almost entirely out of human reach. They live a life most similar to people (albeit vaguely, since a stickman is a simplified approximation of a human), being able to age, reproduce, and having their own economy/work systems. No powers, files or code to be attached to. King is shown to be one of these guys; Purple is slightly more complicated since they've lived on a mac, in games AND in the city at different points but they're one too due to their parents

Gates are needed to get from one area to another, using a site or game as the middleman. The only way to go direct from a desktop to the Outernet is the way this guy does

One other thing - For drawn and website sticks, the fundamentals of their characters like age, relationships, whatever are set by the intentions of their creators. So to me the main five are all set in the general "young adult" range (around 18-23), and only Second and Chosen consider themselves as biological brothers due to having a direct link between their programs and code

[demento01]

Lamento -BEYOND THE VOID- game, updates, crack, translations + Treasure Disc + OST new download links and torrents 2023

I had to spend a couple of hours going through old posts on web archive and finding a ton of dead torrents to find this so here you go.

Quick Index of what I include here:

Lamento's install DVD ISO.

Update 1.01, 1.02, 1.03, and 2.00 (this last one only in my own uploaded links, dont use with english translation!).

NoDVD crack.

Serial number.

Link to the complete fan translation which also includes an installation guide and a walkthrough.

The fandisc "Lamento Treasure Disc".

Fan translation for the Treasure Disc.

OST: The World Devoid of Emotion and Prelude

Full game (DVD iso, 1.01, 1.02 and 1.03 updates, NoDVD crack and serial), you'll have to install and update yourself:

(found here) serial is on the .txt file

English fan translation (also includes a guide on how to install the game and patch and has a walkthrough etc.)

(OP asks people to not post direct download links nor the game with the fan translation pre-applied and instead link to their post so I did that, but if the link ever dies and the OP doesn't revive it just comment or PM me and I'll edit this post)

My own uploads:

Torrent:

.torrent

hash: 59F204197FBDCB998828D3B25DB253FFD7FA5B1F

made by me and kept online 24/7.

This includes game iso, all updates (including the 2.00 one but only install 1.03 if you're gonna use the English translation) the serial and the NoDVD crack. I also included the "Treasure Disc" fandisc and a fan translation (source) and the OST and Prelude discs in FLAC format

Google Drive:

(password for updates and crack: "lamento" without the quotes. compressed with a password to avoid Drive flagging them as malware and restricting public access)

(also uploaded by me, has the exact same stuff as the torrent but different folder structure)

Game already installed, updated to 1.03 and cracked + translated treasure disc:

(saves you from having to install it yourself, all you'd need to do is paste the english fan translation files, couldn't do it myself because the people who made the translation don't want anyone to distribute the game with the translation pre-applied, also btw for update 1.03 you need to use the patch that doesn't say win10 at the end from the fan translation, I also included the treasure chest fandisc with the translation pre-applied in a separate folder)

If you have any issues check the aarifantasy fan translation post I linked in the fan translation section, they explain everything perfectly on there. Remember you need to set your system locale to japanese for both the game and the fandisc to work! If any of my links or torrents ever die just comment or PM me and I'll get them back up. Please share, you're free to mirror any of my own links anywhere but please don't modify or skip anything!

Also, remember to support the devs of the game! You can buy many of Nitro+CHiRAL titles in English officially through JAST. They don't have this one yet so that's why I'm sharing it here.

[m0r1bund]

I want to step aside and say I'm grateful for everyone who has shared my adoptables, bought 'em, enjoyed them with your eyeballs, or just hung around in general. I don't like to mix money with art, but these past two months I've been in a tight position where I needed to to make ends meet. I didn't want to lead with this because we're all broke motherfuckers out here, and you know how it is. being poor can be the most shameful and humiliating thing in the world, even when you know in your forebrain that it's not something you can necessarily control.

Thankfully, this is a transition period. I'm lucky to have the support of really cool people who have made it possible for me to secure some work doing what I love. 🤞 with any luck, we will be out of the woods soon.

As much as I hem and haw about making money off of my art, this has been an encouraging experience. I've enjoyed being able to act on design ideas that wouldn't fit into my own stories, but are really fun in someone else's hands. I also learned a lot during this brief return to the adoptable market, which I will share below, in hopes that maybe it can help others who find themselves in the same position.

I've been strict with pricing my work hourly, rather than just slapping on a price that "feels right" for the perceived complexity/finish/originality of the design. It's like pulling teeth, because I'm always slower than I think I am. I try to hold onto a piece of advice that I heard somewhere, which I will paraphrase poorly. Basically, even though your instinct might be to make a lot of small, affordable things, so you're not putting all your eggs in one basket or setting yourself up for disappointment if there's no bites, it's sometimes more "efficient" to do expensive jobs that are few and far in-between. there is... obvious... tension between this and my feelings about accessibility. one thing wins over the other when you're in survival mode, for better or worse. but i feel fortunate to be able to eat today so that i can pay it forward tomorrow.

i've tried to be conscientious of overhead, platform fees, and invisible labor. I probably would have made more money if I had conducted sales as auctions and exchanged money through direct invoices, but I chose to use ko-fi and fixed prices because that meant there was less friction between sharing my work, conducting a sale, exchanging money, and distributing the files. This might seem like a deranged tradeoff (surely it would be more worthwhile to just exchange a few emails) but it reflects the state of mind I was in before I received the news about my new job. If I wanted to keep doing this for what seemed like an indefinite amount of time, I needed to make it as simple as possible.

in line with the above, I chose to make adoptables rather than open commissions because the risk of losing time without any financial return was acceptable to me. time and technical effort was not my limiting resource, haha... I really respect commission work, but it's challenging for me to do. maybe you can guess from my desire to use ko-fi that it takes more effort for me to translate a client's vision into visual art than it takes for me to spitball an idea and hope someone will like it enough to take it home. I already prioritize this more "intensive" work as part of my (current) dayjob, so it's better for me to pick the path of least resistance in this case.

all of this rides on having a following. honestly, i wasn't sure things would work out here on tumblr. i have traditionally sold adoptables over on deviantart, where I have a larger following. dA recently enshittified (again) so this blog became an impromptu experiment in critter sales. I'm happy that I haven't had to touch dA, in the end, and I really owe that to you guys. thank you! (again!!)

[slasheru]

game dev/design tips you didn't ask for, at random:

don't start by designing your game around the engine; come up with/refine/design/test your core mechanics INDEPENDENT of an engine and then FIND AN ENGINE that suits your game's purpose! (aka the Reverse Dragon Age Inquisition)

Fun Fact: The devs of Mass Effect said that, roughly, even though there's an equal amount of Paragon/Renegade (aka "good"/"evil") content in ME, 90% of players just chose all the Paragon options every time. Take this shit to heart!! Design choices that go beyond "good" or "bad". Design choices that are interesting and would make an "all good" or "all bad" etc player actually HAVE to choose between more than one option that's VIABLE for the character they're roleplaying! Like, in BG3 terms, no "tiefling village vs goblin camp" choices. I wanna make you choose between keeping Lae'zel and Shadowheart in your party permanently. Don't be afraid to cut off content that players can't all access in one playthrough, but DO hint that the other content is ABLE TO BE ACCESSED if you make different choices!

Don't forget about sound design, especially UI/UX feedback. That shit makes or breaks an environment. Never QA test with your sound off, I can feel my old boss breathing down my neck RIGHT NOW

Organize your production pipeline, no matter how small of a project! I use Trello for producer shit and Jira for my bug list. Familiarizing yourself with how to properly log your own bugs by component and priority is key, especially with more than one team member! (I might actually make a QA megapost sometime ahdjks)

When you do something in the game that you wanna reward your player for (e.g.: selecting a dialogue choice that an NPC approves of! succeeding a skill check! new DM from your crush! you just looted 1 goblin bong! etc), remember to include JUICY FEEDBACK! This is a very unfortunate industry term wherein the JUICY refers to the actual crunchiness of the feedback: A textural response from the player that Feels Good. Like, Candy Crush has the juiciest feedback. Remember: Feedback should include UI/UX/a visual element, sound, be a clear result of a player action, and give a sense of WHAT you just accomplished at the correct SCALE (bigger bang feedback for, like, killing a world boss vs opening a lockpick chest). (You can Pavlov's Dog players into getting hype at repeated sounds by ensuring your feedback retains notes of the same sound or foley, or even just using the same sound fx across different progression points. Like layering in the same chimes with a level-up noise AND when you do something that gets you closer to leveling up, like earning XP)

When designing elements, remember: What does like LOOK like? What does this SOUND like? What does this DO to the world state of the game? What else does this AFFECT? Be cognizant of how stuff can chain affect the tone of the rest of your game!! QA often!!

Achieving a balance between HIDING all the numbers/systems/guts of your game vs having the player be aware of the systems and how they work can be a tightrope to walk! I personally err on the side of Hiding Too Much, but checking in with your testers or players to see if they can "feel" how the game works, or if it makes them get too minmaxy, can be super helpful! Remember to keep your design choices in line with your "x statement" (aka one-sentence directive about what you want YOUR game to be/feel like).

Save a fucking backup zip file of your dev environment RIGHT NOW and put in a separate place from your main PC. Like right the fuck now

[rampanttheories]

On the Order of the Phoenix

At some point in time between the third task in GoF and Harry getting picked up during the summer the Order of the Phoenix was called back into existence and subsequently moved into Grimmauld Place.

Presumably, Dumbledore vouched for Sirius' innocence around that time as otherwise I doubt Molly Weasley would allow her children in that place and Sirius would probably get attacked by three competent aurors at varying stages of their careers.

Speaking of which:

Three competent aurors with a drive to do good (as evident in their joining a militia against Riddle) learned of Sirius' innocence and wrongful incarceration. And not one of them did anything about the gross miscarriage of justice under their noses. Which sounds off to me.

We have a very young auror at the beginning of her career and a blood relation to Sirius, so overall with very limited influence on the topic in Tonks. A retired auror known to be close with Dumbledore, who is subject to a smear campaign at that point, and a known paranoid bastard in Mad-Eye Moody. And an auror established in his career in Kingsley Shaklebolt. In my eyes the most likely candidate to attempt something.

From what we see of Kingsley he is well respected in the Ministry and regarded by the Minister himself. Fudge brings him along to try and arrest Dumbledore later in the year which speaks to a certain level of social and political aptitute. Additional evidence in this direction are Kingsley being appointed magical bodyguard to the muggle PM during Scrimgeour's term and Kingsley's own election to Minister of Magic following the Battle of Hogwarts. So we can assume him to be well-connected and able to raise topics at opportune moments in a way accessible to his audience.

The Ministry at this point in time is having an awful time and has been for pretty exactly two years. Starting with Sirius' escape, which rattled faith in Azkaban, the dementors and the aurors specifically who failed to re-apprehend him. Continuing with the repeated issues with the dementors at Hogwarts. Continuing on further with the embarassment of the Quidditch World Cup being overrun by deatheaters. And finally, most recently, the desaster the Triwizard Tournament ended up being with the UK having two champions, audience-unfriendly tasks, a judge disappearing, a champion dying and finally the claims the magical world's latest terrorist was returning from the presumed dead. And of course, the initial escapee was still on the run. The Ministry was scrambling to at least appear in control of everything, both domestically and internationally. Hence the attempts to discredit Dumbledore and Harry as the other regional public figures and seize control over Hogwarts.

Kingsley could absolutely go up to the ambitious Scrimgeour, I doubt his aspirations were unknown, and suggest building a small task force to catch Sirius Black. After all, the Ministry and especially the Aurors needed a win in the public eye and with all the other things going on Black wouldn't expect it. So if he could maybe have access to all files pertaining Black? The potential for Fudge becoming the scapegoat for all the recent troubles and Scrimgeour emerging as a new and trusted leader based on achievements remains unsaid yet is understood by all.

Potentially Scrimgeour takes the idea and runs with it himself. After all, the Ministry is adamant about aurors not being actively needed at the moment, he has the time. And he reads every single document on the case Black. Including any trial records and evidence filed. Which is astonishingly little.

Concerningly little.

Promisingly little.

Especially since Fudge was personally involved in the case and has been publicly bragging about it (see PoA in the Three Broomsticks). So it would very naturally reflect badly especially on Fudge and his administration if Black's guilt were to be re-exmined. And Scrimgeour himself would not only be a fresh face, but one righting the wrongs of his predecessors. With the support of a notorious house if the only surviving bearer of the name Black owed him a favour. It would also neatly subvert the issue called Potter. He'd probably be very busy getting acclimated to a new godfather if custody was transferred from that muggle family. Fewer claims of a second coming of that bloody bastard. All the better. Smear campaigns against children were never a good look on anyone. Now to get that innocence established, weren't there statements Fudge ignored last year...

Kingsley is very happy to stand back and watch self-interest get the right thing done. Scrimgeour would remember who gave him the idea and the Order would gain a powerful supporter and fighter. Wins across the board in his book.

TL;DR: Kingsley not doing something about Sirius' innocence is bullshit. Especially not when at that point everybody was ready to see Fudge go and establishing Sirius as innocent would be a perfect thing for him to fall over. Political intrigue accidentally fixing problems ensues

[whatudottu]

I have my own headcanon(it's kind long so buckle up plz 😅sorry) that after the entire shit agreggor the andromeda 5 got therapy which was actually paid by the plumbers and bivalvan kept in touch with raad and galapagus along with Andreas to some extent the tech level on his planet isn't very high and he has trouble with understanding tech most of the time sadly they didn't talk with pandor that much cuz he is still criminal they (at least bivalvan and raad) decided to file document so that most universal news reports will leave them the hell lone and stop pesting them by asking what happened when they were being hunted by Greg galapagus's people were quite understanding about what happened and never pestered him about it and Andreas family were just happy that he was back

Haha, everytime I see this ask I always see it when it’s too late to respond to it for whatever reason :P sorry about that lmao-

I also think that the Plumbers (at least initially) provided a therapist for all the trouble, though maybe they don’t fully trust their competence thanks to Aggregor stealing them out from Plumber hands (Andreas would be ambivalent about the Plumbers since he was kinda assumed dead and thus not assisted by them beyond watching one be killed in the shared cell), so either whatever therapists they had on staff offered referrals for xenopsychologists in the area or the Andromeda 5 had to actively seek their own independent therapists. Since I see the Andromeda 5 staying on Earth at least as temporary asylum while the Plumbers or someone else figures out an intergalactic route to send everyone home, if they were ever gonna get therapy might as well share the one who gets to have a collective context to work from, so why not use my therapist oc Chio :P I’d say honestly my version of Andromeda 5 probably was going to return home, but between the long wait (because damn it’s a novelty to go across galaxies and it’s one a bad guy just so happened to afford and access) and maybe P’andor having to serve his sentence for the crimes he committed on Earth, they probably ended up just staying for their own individual reasons and thought this band of weirdos they’ve formed might’ve been missed if they DID return home.

I will say I have steeped myself in my own little headcanon sphere revolving around the Andromeda 5 both as individuals and taking a gander at their species and planet (we here and whatudottu incorporated LOVE ant biology talpaedans), so thank you for sharing your version of headcanons for the Andromeda 5, it’s lovely to see what directions different folk take with undeveloped worlds to fill them out.

Oh but universal news reports, I didn’t even think about THAT! Hah, as awful as it would be realistically imagine if there were true crime girlies of the intergalactic community (hell, even just planet based communities) that were kinda commenting live on the disappearance and presumed death (or even assumed to be the criminals, since Galapagus was one of two folk to be attacked by Aggregor and the other left a body, not to mention the fact that P’andor is literally trapped in a prison suit if he wasn’t just freely given he could’ve ‘escaped without a trace’ and be a hot topic for a bit), and then when 5 separate planets’ mysteries ended up being linked to each other!? Even if a majority of the Andromeda 5 doesn’t trust Plumber therapy, they’re certainly gonna need that witness protection!

[agirlunderarock]

OF AGONY AND HOPE

Story Summary: sith!Obi-Wan au, in which Sas was able to fly Padme to safety and deliver her children but at the cost of losing the man she loved. Five years have gone by since the fall of Republic, since the fall of the Jedi Order, since Sas said goodbye to the man she loves. Since then Emperor Palpatine has brought in new enforcers; Lord Vader his right hand, and Grand Admiral Abusivus a man Sas refuses to admit bares any resemblance to Obi-Wan Kenobi even when he stands right in front of her.

Pairings: Obi-Wan X Sas Vom (OC)

Chapter 3: Proposals

Chapter Summary: Sas is called into Grand Admiral Abusivus' office

Previous Chapter

Warnings: N/A Honestly its not violent or anything yet so like? Just know the general warning is that I fell asleep while typing this several times. I live and die by those typos. This story is basically lovers to enemies to lovers so make of that what you will?

Read on AO3

The Meeting room was too loud.

Despite the quiet murmurs of the Imperial Officers in the room, Brisa felt as if they were all shouting in her ears, looking at her assessing her. Under normal circumstances she could tune it out, ignore them, carry her head high and walk out without sparing anyone a single glance.

Her heart beat was too loud.

She didn’t register when the switch happened, only that she felt far away from the room itself. There was too much going on. Grand Admiral Abusivus was giving her directions, that much she was aware of. What those directions were specifically she couldn’t say. The pounding of her heart beat was slowly replaced by officers slowly filing out of the room, their footfalls echoing off the sleek walls of the war room like cannon blasts going off in Brisa’s ears. The lights were too bright. Harsh glares reflected off every surface straight into her eyes. Even Captain Dirgo’s pointed stare seemed to carry the  weight of the cold reflective surfaces that lined the doorway.

Sas didn’t remember following Grand Admiral Abusivus. Her world stopped spinning the moment her eyes met his burning yellow irises. Yet, she noted the way the Grand Admiral walked just a step ahead of her, his broad shoulders blocking most of her view of the hallway. In the back of her mind she could hear the faint echo of his words, “We best discuss the expectations for your position in my office.”

Was that where he was leading her? Sas couldn’t even be sure he had really even said those words. The back of her hand still burned with the warmth of his breath, but if she were being honest Sas couldn’t say whether or not she wanted to put the fire out.

Be mindful of your feelings, they can betray you.

Sas could hear Obi-Wan’s voice echo in her head, and despite the warmth in her chest at the memory of all the times he had said that to Anakin, she felt fear crawl its way into her throat. She couldn’t focus, the world still spun, but felt as if she were flying through a dust cloud. She couldn’t trust her own thoughts, her feelings. The Grand Admiral could and would manipulate them, if he hadn’t already. He knew the easiest ways to access her mind, he knew every feeling, thought and desire she had. 

The sudden realization that she was about to be captured, questioned and tortured, had Sas’ stomach churning. She had to get to her apartment, she had to get a message out, call for an extraction.

“At ease Captain Brisa,” The Grand Admiral’s command pierced the fog. Sas blinked as her body automatically relaxed its stance, feet shoulder width apart and her hands behind her back. "I assume you understand why I've brought you here," he finished. 

Truthfully Sas was trying to figure out what was more disturbing to her, that her body didn't hesitate to act on his command, or the way he didn’t tear his gaze away from her. She hadn't even fully processed that she was standing in his office. Whatever challenge he had issued her and whatever composure she had mustered up in the presence of her fellow officers, dissipated in the cold tension between them now.

Sas slowly scanned his office. Of course it was pristine and organized. She expected nothing less. She was, however, surprised by the amount of objects on display. Not that he wasn't sentimental in the past, but each object was placed purposely, deliberately within view of her standing position, not the person who would normally be sitting at the desk. These objects weren't just for decoration, he was sending a message. A small statue of a Twi'lek seemed to glare at her from its pedestal in front of a large painting of a familiar Alderaan mountain pass. The statue bared a striking resemblance to one she had seen in the home of Eleni Syndulla, during a rather melancholy feast. It looked over them while they celebrated a Republic victory on Ryloth. Sas couldn’t force herself to focus on the painting behind it. She tried to focus on the other side of the room. In front of another painting, stood a sculpture of a four legged beast of burden that was native to Onderon. The same kind of creature she and Obi-Wan had ridden into the Separatist filled city with Steela and her freedom fighters. Something twisted painfully in her chest.

“Forgive me,” Brisa answered, her voice sounding much weaker than normal. “I assumed we were going to discuss my expectations for my new assignment.” 

“Most of your duties are outlined in the entry log-” He paused abruptly, looking right through Sas before his eyes settled on her again. “But you’re already well aware of those duties aren’t you?” Abusivus moved to stand in front of his desk, right in Sas’ line of sight. He absolutely knew who he was speaking to. There was no way around it.

“Sir, I’m not sure I understand-”

“You need not continue your act,” he said calmly, though Sas could easily detect the tension in his voice. “No one else is listening right now.” Five years apart and he could still read her without trying. Then again, she supposed that it was easy to read her when he had the ability to directly feel what she was feeling and could purposely tamper with her thoughts and emotions. That was the only way to explain the black hole that erupted in her chest. She felt heavy and empty all at the same time, like she would fall right through the glossy white floors, the rest of her memories and feelings drawn into her void.

Sas kept her eyes focused on the portview behind him, just over his shoulder. It was the only way she could look at him without having to actually look at him. She heard him breathe out slowly, his shoulders tensing and then falling ever so slightly, as if he were gripping something. If she had the nerve to look up at his face she was sure she’d find his auburn brows furrowed low over his eyes. She tried not to picture the expression, yet the memories of all the times she pressed her lips to his forehead, just between his brows, came rushing back to her.

She couldn’t trust those memories.

Sas was very aware of how he could manipulate her thoughts. Even though she didn’t feel the odd pressure around her head that came when someone was attempting to manipulate her through the force, she couldn’t be sure that he wasn’t. He knew her mind better than anyone, possibly even more than her own sister. At one time she had trusted him with her life, her dreams, and her secrets. She trusted him to love her as she was, to accept her past, and understand what she expected in their future. There was absolutely nothing she could hide from him. She needed to look elsewhere.

Everywhere she looked was a reminder of their shared past, of how he'd thrown everything they fought for away. Even if he wasn’t using the force, Abusivus was finding other ways to manipulate her.

 Sas’ eyes burned with unshed tears, and her throat closed. She couldn’t breathe. If she had been a weaker woman, she might have fallen to her knees, even clutched at her aching chest. Sas didn’t understand how her chest could feel so hollow and yet feel so tight. She couldn’t tell if this was her own body betraying her or if this was his doing. “Sir-” She croaked. Even to herself her voice sounded brittle and weak. She couldn’t break in front of him. Abusivus could undoubtedly feel what she was going through, she couldn’t let herself be so openly vulnerable with him.

The Grand Admiral moved to stand directly in front of her, his shoulders and the hot tears stinging her eyes obscuring her view. He hadn’t touched her, not even with the force, and yet the fire that burned under her skin and caught in her throat was his doing. He betrayed her, their friends, and their family. 

“Why did you bring me here?” Sas demanded in a whisper. She kept her hands clasped together behind her back, worried that her hands would shake, that her whole body would tremble if she wasn’t careful. “Just tell me what you want and get this over with.” 

“Sas,” his voice was soft, just as quiet as her own as he stepped closer to her.

A blaster shot to the chest would have burned less. This wasn’t the voice of the man who addressed the Imperial officers just a few moments before. This was the voice that whispered to her in stolen moments between missions. This was the voice that teased her behind closed doors, told her she was loved, that she was worth more than what she could provide to others. This was the voice that comforted her in dreams, and she missed more than anything in the galaxy. A voice she thought she’d never hear say her name again.

 His gloved hand reached out to her cheek, gently brushing away her tears. “I thought you were dead…” His other hand came up and cupped her cheek, before he leaned down to press his lips to her forehead.

Every fiber in Sas’ body screamed at her to push him away. That this man helped the Empire conquer the people they swore to protect, and yet she could only stand frozen in place. Her heart hammered quickly in her chest. The familiar feel of his breath dancing over her skin sent a tremor through her body. The tickle of his beard against her forehead was enough to make her eyes slide close. For five years they'd been apart, grown into different people and yet this simple action sent her right back to the quiet nights they spent on her ship.The back of her hand, the one he kissed just moments before, still felt heavy with the weight of his kiss.

Sas had thought the black hole had been in her chest, that every memory  she’d had of him was being dragged in to try to fill its void. With his admission, she realized that he was the point of gravity in the room. No matter how many reminders screamed at her to wake up to reality. She should be angry, had every right to shove him away but instead she found the ache in her chest soothed by his closeness. She could pretend  that this was just another quiet night on her ship. That he had been away on a long mission and was tiredly pressing kisses to her head. As always he would be hesitant to hold her, but he would hold her, assure her that he was safe. She could pretend that they never lost each other, that they didn’t lose so much more. All she had to do was keep her eyes closed.

Gradually her body relaxed and her arms fell to her sides. If these were going to be her last moments, Sas almost wanted to just let herself enjoy his touch. She could pretend that he was the man she loved. Just one last stolen moment before it all came crashing down. After all that was how they loved each other best, when the galaxy was collapsing around them. What made this time so different?

Be mindful of your feelings, they can betray you.

Sas took a deep breath. Those thoughts could not be her own. As tired of the fight and hiding as she was, Sas could not give in to those feelings she had. She had to get back home call for an extraction. That had to be her priority. Her thoughts and feelings were not her own while the Grand Admiral was around.

Slowly opening her eyes, Sas moved her head a little away from him and looked up at him expecting to see the burning amber eyes of the man in the meeting room, but instead she only found relief relaxing his face and closing his eyes. Again she could feel her resolve slipping, and again she recalled  the memory of the times she and Obi-Wan would meditate together. Some of the jedi teachings were starting to make a lot more sense to her. She had to let go of those memories, and the ache in her chest. She took another deep breath. Abusivus may look like the man she loved, but that man never escaped Mustafar; he died there, and there was no going back.

She forced herself to look away.

Behind him, on the desk, was a large piece of stone propped up on a display frame, a familiar swirl etched into its surface. It was one of the crests from the Mobari temples on Zolan, from her home. The red stony clay marked the stone as not from the temple in the capital city, but the carvings along the rocky cliff overlooking the ocean. He had been to her cliff side city, her home. Sas couldn’t help but wonder if this had been before or after the blockade was put around her planet. Her gut told her that he only could have taken the carving after it was in place.

A new spark caught fire in her chest, this one white hot and explosive. She breathed in deeply, holding her breath for a moment and letting her anger chase the longing from her heart. It didn’t matter what Abusivus could make her feel, he wasn't Obi-Wan. He might have his voice, his mannerisms, and appearance, but Sas knew better than anyone that a convincing disguise did nothing to hide whoever was underneath it. She had learned that lesson the hard way. 

It didn’t matter when Abusivus took the crest from her home world. None of that mattered. Their history didn’t matter. What mattered was that Sas had people depending on her. Padmé, Jankari, and Pyrrha were depending on her to gather as much Imperial intelligence as she could. Abusivus was just another obstacle in her way. She just had to hang onto her anger long enough to leave the office.

Letting out a breath, Sas raised her hands to his wrist and slowly lowered them away from her face. 

“Darling-” he started. She hadn’t realized she was trembling until he stiffened under her touch, there was no doubt he felt the shift in her mood. Another deep breath and she steadied her hands. “What are you-?”

“Please don’t call me that,” Sas answered as evenly as she could. She could hear the waver in her voice and told herself it was anger. It wouldn’t be good to have Captain Brisa leaving the office in such an emotional state, even if Sas was struggling between giving in to his gravity, or letting her rage devour her. Either one would make it more difficult for Sas to leave the building alive.

Abusivus pulled his hands away from hers then and straightened up. Sas didn’t meet his gaze. “I’m sorry,” he answered, even managing to sound genuine. “I- I missed you.”

There was another blaster bolt to her chest. She took another deep breath, the words I missed you too nearly choking her as they fought to leave her lips. Instead she looked to the Onderon statue, the Twi’lek figure, the stone crest on his desk. She tried to imagine the dirt under her finger tips, imagine the circumstances where he took those things as prizes for his conquests. She could harden her despair, she had to. She had to go home and call for an extraction.

“I saw you crash…I thought I lost you” He started again. 

“You did. Four years ago.” She finally met his gaze. Part of her hoped she would find the clear blue eyes of the man that she adored, but still she was met with cold amber eyes, his brows furrowed low over them. 

“Sas-”

“Tell me you didn’t have anything to do with the blockade around Zolan. Tell me you didn’t attack my home!”

Silence fell heavy between them. Abusivus loomed over her, his jaw clenching as his gaze hardened. Sas wanted to strike him, demand an answer, instead she let herself feel the sting of his betrayal as she dug her nails into her palms in a tightly clenched fist. Whatever comment he had been about to make was lost under the weight of her demand. Sas had seen the look before. When he was choosing his words carefully. She was an enemy now, and she knew well enough how Abusivus used to negotiate with his enemies. The only reason he was paying her this decency was likely for the sake of their past relationship. He took a step away from her, nine years of war suddenly seeming to weigh down his shoulders as he leaned back against his desk.

“Perhaps I wouldn’t have needed to take such measures, if I did not have to clean up after your messes,” Abusivus said at last as he stroked his beard.. 

That was worse than a blaster shot. A tremor ran through her as she tried to make sense of his comment. “You just said you thought I was dead.”

“I did. When I first caught your trail, I wasn’t so sure-”

“What trail? Nothing has happened-”

“Does a missing intelligence officer on Onderon sound familiar, it should.”

“I don’t know what you’re talking about.”

“Oh then perhaps on Naboo? Ryloth? Or maybe the ambush on Jabiim sounds familiar? It goes without saying that many troopers and agents went missing in the early days. If Saw Gerrera, or Cham Syndulla picked off  a few agents during an investigation, it wouldn’t be much of a surprise.”

Sas held her breath. She knew exactly what missions he was referring to. She hadn’t stayed in Imperial Intelligence for so long without avoiding combat zones and running into old faces. Each that he referenced however weren’t exactly huge blows to the Empire. She had been sure about that.

“It's incredible really that an officer not trained for combat could survive so many large scale skirmishes, but you seem to be at the center of each one. Of course when I first started looking into these encounters I thought we just had a very lucky officer on our hands, that perhaps we just kept sending in one of our best as she’s proven to get results. It’s not unheard of, after all.”

There was nothing Sas could do but stand and listen. Her lungs ached with every word she wanted to shout at him. She could just walk out. That would be the smart thing to do. She could walk out, be careful that no one followed her home, and hope that Crix could call an extraction for her before it was too late. She couldn't leave just yet though. Sas couldn’t break down and she couldn’t storm out, she still had people depending on her.

"There were two conclusions I could have arrived at, this of course after conducting my own investigation," Abusivus continued. “The first was that Rola Brisa was indeed just a fresh face and eager to prove herself. The second was much more fantastical, however there was no record of anyone recovering your body from the temple, and yet you had been reported as killed in action. I’m guessing someone, probably yourself, made sure that information was in the databases. There was even speculation that you had something to do with the death of Senator Amidala. Though, with you being here, I’m guessing that she and her children are alive and well.”

 Sas stayed silent, not wanting to confirm or deny any of what he was beginning to realize. Maybe he already knew, or had always known. She wasn’t sure she really wanted to think about how long he possibly suspected she was hiding in Imperial ranks.

 He paused for a moment studying her, as if for a moment she was one of the trophies in his office he could turn and examine however he pleased. She supposed she was in a lot of ways, though that was hardly a reassuring thought. "However, that isn't what I wished to discuss, not now anyway," he said seemingly more to himself than to Sas. “Against my better judgment I looked into the fantastical option. There was something…comforting in knowing you were still carrying on this pointless crusade-”

“Stop, just stop!” The words burst from her. “Just stop talking!” Sas squeezed her eyes shut. She couldn’t listen to him say that. She couldn’t talk about this. None of it made sense to her. She couldn’t believe it was all for nothing, that his friends, his people died for nothing. She felt the tears spill over her cheeks, and she took a deep breath trying to focus on the pounding of her heart in her ears. She needed to control herself. If she shifted now, she’d never leave his office alive.

“I’m sorry-”

“Are you going to kill me?” Sas cut him off. 

He crossed his arms over his chest, his pristine uniform seeming more like restraints as he stroked his auburn beard. “Why would I do a thing like that?”

Sas still didn’t look in his eyes. “You did just tell at least a dozen Intelligence Officers to report to you if they found out anything about me.” She didn’t like this game. She just wanted him to be straightforward with her. 

“Ah, I supposed that would be your natural conclusion.”

Sas gritted her teeth. For just a moment she had been willing to pretend that the man in front of her could make her feel whole again, that she could somehow look past the situation they found themselves in. Something in the casual tone he used to answer her made the hair on the back of her neck stand up.

“Then what the fuck do you want from me?” She said at last. 

Abusivus’ lips quivered upward briefly as if he were amused by her question. He stroked his beard once, then twice, letting the silence stretch on between them.

“Can you just get on with it-?”

“Patience,” he said, the small grin still in place. “Forgive me for wanting to pick my words carefully before I make a proposal.”

Sas hated the way he said that. She knew he phrased it that way on purpose. Five years apart and he was trying to get under her skin in the worst ways possible. She crossed her arms over her chest. It was the only way to hold herself back from slapping him across the face. Not even when he had been a Jedi did he ever joke about that. While she always knew a marriage and a life after the war together was never in their future, she never would have thought it would have come to this conclusion. They were on opposite sides of the war now, and he had thrown away everything they had fought together for. Somehow he still had the nerve to make jokes about a proposal.  

“Just spit it out,Traitor,” Sas said at last, her body trembling with the build and mixture of emotions warring inside her chest.

“Oh no my de-” He stopped himself and shut his amber eyes tightly for a moment before continuing. He let out a breath. “You understand that I found you, right? Had anyone else had the sense to dig deeper they would have found you. If anyone else found you, you'd already be in an interrogation chamber.” He said, his tone almost seeming annoyed, but his brows had that little furrow they always got when he was thinking hard about something.

 Had he not cut her so deep, she might have felt sympathy for the brief hint of anguish that crossed his features. She might have even taken his warning seriously. But this was Abusivus, not Obi-Wan, and Sas wasn’t going to let him make her feel so vulnerable again. She kept Brisa’s face in place, watching him with serious but tired green eyes.

Abusivus continued when there was no answer. “I can petition to have you cleared of any charges, Sas. You wouldn’t need to disguise yourself any longer-”

“So what's stopping you? Shouldn’t be difficult for someone like you.” All he was offering was empty promises. Once upon a time they had sworn to each other that they wouldn’t do such things to each other.

“Might I ask what information you’re specifically looking for at this time? Obviously you’re spying for someone.”

“I’m not feeling inclined to share that.”

“I should have guessed as much.”

“Is that all you wanted from me? To figure out who I’m working with and what they want? I would have thought a sith lord would have had a more tempting offer than to just clear my record.” Each word felt like a crack forming in a pressurized tank. She felt too many things, but he needed to know how he hurt her. What he was doing to her. She needed to relieve some of the pressure.

The faintest hint of a smile came to him. “I believe you’ve turned down better offers with much less at stake. You must forgive me for that very poor attempt.”

“I don’t have to forgive you for anything.”

Again the Grand Admiral shut his eyes for a heart beat too long. “I don’t suppose you do, and I should understand why. It is a shame it has come to this.”

“I’m not so sure it would have ended any better for us in another life,” Sas answered simply. She would have preferred it wasn’t this one, she would have preferred an ending where she died before having to know how wrong things truly went.

“I like to imagine there is at least one reality where we end up happy.”

“You’re purposely trying to distract me. Just  tell me what you want or kill me.”

“Sas,” he started again, and for a moment she caught a glimpse of the man who lit up her world and kept her going during the clone wars. The one who kept her safe and made her feel loved. “I need your help. I can’t do this without you.” He looked to something behind her for just a brief moment and she got the feeling they were running out of time. “What if I told you, that your perception is flawed? ”

“What if I told you, I’d rather get back to work,” Sas answered. She still had people waiting on her, but she was going to be more careful about her words. 

If she were being honest with herself, and she was very worried that she couldn’t be in that moment, something about his tone sounded familiar. He was asking her for help, but she wasn’t sure what exactly he needed help doing. He said her perception was flawed. She could only assume that things weren’t quite what she was expecting them to be. He hadn’t killed her yet so that at least was a good start. There was more to it though. 

Sas turned away from his gaze. Hanging on the wall next to another painting of the Naboo countryside, was something that looked like some kind of schematic. The longer she looked the more the halls looked like tunnels twisting and knotting underground. She blinked and it hit her. It was the layout for a Geonocian factory.

Abusivus’ offer reminded her of the one Count Dooku made him nearly ten years ago when they had been captured on Geonosis. Dooku had told the truth then. Maybe Abusivus was telling the truth too. Maybe he hadn’t really fallen.

She looked back to the Grand Admiral. The corners of his lips pulled upward ever so slightly. 

Perhaps Abusivus planted that thought in her head. There was only one thing to do; be smarter than Obi-Wan had been when faced with this same choice.

“I want the clean slate, pay raise, no questions asked, and I’ll do whatever you need me to,” Sas answered at last.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

As always thank you for reading! I hope you are enjoying this story so far! It was meant to just be a one shot and has taken on a whole life of its own lol And like always, likes, comments, and reblogs are always appreciated! Thank you for the love on the last two chapters!

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[r-rook-studio]

Cross posted from the R. Rook Studio blog.

So over the course of July, I’ve gotten material from me (yay!), Noora Rose, and Bendi Barrett, and forwarded all of that over to Jared Sinclair, the official editor of Roseville Beach (and really, all of Rose Island). I don’t brag much about my own skills, but I get to work with some of the most thoughtful and skilled people in tabletop RPGs. Jared wrapped up his developmental comments on this first round of documents late last week, so we’re ready to start making some previews.

Dim All the Lights (Announcement List | Kickstarter Pre-launch) is coming together, and to celebrate, we’re making some early-release zines!

Dim All the Lights 1: New Characters on Roseville Beach

While I call Dim All the Lights a “Mystery Book,” it includes new tools and toys for players as well as GMs. The first of these is a set of origin stories:

The Veteran has spent most of their adult life hunting monsters and studying the occult in the employ of the wealthy and powerful. Now you’ve come here to Roseville Beach to use your skills to keep a community safe. You’ve forgotten more than most people will ever know. Each session, you choose a background and during the session pick three skills you want to use as you need them. You also have a Go Bag from which you can make your own new Supply Checks for equipment others wouldn’t thave access to.

The Changeling was once a normal kid in the terrestrial world but were taken away to another. You’ve since grown up and returned, only to discover someone else has been living your life. Your time among non-humans has give you a deep understanding of what others are thinking and taught you a few supernatural tricks (that are more routine but easier than working magic with sorcery and words of power).

The Rose Island Regular has a job like everyone else, but they’ve had more Rose Island jobs than almost anyone else. Instead of a separate set of skills and backgrounds, the Regular takes a current job and two former jobs. They’ve also got a reputation around town, and know a lot of Roseville Beach gossip.

The Mainland Renegade came out to Roseville Beach for a short getaway. It was supposed to be a few days. And then you stayed. The Renegade is a slightly more mature version of The Fresh Face from the core book, and was inspired by Mary Ann Singleton from Maupin’s Tales of the City.

The book also includes a few more jobs around Roseville Beach (like fire fighter, drag king/queen, and bookstore clerk) and Rose Island (like an admin for the park department), and the option of being self-employed as a band member, writer, swim coach, or repairperson.

Dim All the Lights 2: Entities of Roseville Beach

Inspired by The X Files, SCP, and The Magus Archives, Noora Rose wrote five new “Entities of Roseville Beach.” Moonlight on Roseville Beach doesn’t have opponent, antagonist, creature, NPC, or monster stats: If you can figure out how to hurt something, it has up to 3 hit points. Instead, Noora took things in a new direction and focused instead on the entity’s victims and the evidence they leave behind.

Noora, who wrote the strange events generator of Moonlight on Roseville Beach, where ever die roll is a small, eerie fragment of a horrifying story, tackled this section, and I spoke after reading an early draft of her work back in June, but now Noora’s expanded the section, adding more detail and some GM notes.

Instead of focusing on the entities, Noora focuses on their victims, looking at what witnesses saw and what the victims recorded in their own journals and logs. Her work not only introduces the entities but creates clues and player handouts. I’ve mocked up a couple of layouts here.

Here, Dr. Jo Norris is logging her observations on a mysterious sea slug that she’ll soon learn can take the form of anything it’s near.

Here, we take a look at the diary of Nicole Wolf, a young woman who went missing after starting to date a singer named whose waterlogged diary was found at the beach.

Noora also added a bunch of GM notes on using the entities, and I've created a short mystery generator using the entities in Roseville Beach.

[thessalian]

Thess vs Not-Really-Shopping

Still reinstalling so, so many games. Probably not all of the games, not right now, but ... some games I thought I’d never touch again. Like, Baldur’s Gate 3. I was going to say I’m not sure why I’m bothering, but ... I guess I know. It’s because it was a gift and it was really expensive and it does have some good qualities and maybe the bug that more or less fucked me over in my last playthrough has been fixed by now. I mean, it’s due for actual release at the end of next month, and the dev notes say they’ve been working really hard to get it done. I’m still leery, but mostly because I really do not like how the companions are written. If this was an actual TTRPG, this is the kind of thing that I would very definitely discuss with people in a session zero, because this amount of antagonistic bullshit is just ... no, for me. You’re a bunch of people in a lot of trouble working towards a common goal, so maybe you should be trying to find a bit more common ground to make the whole experience tolerable instead of leaning into your personal prejudices hard enough to make life really uncomfortable for the good-natured random stranger in your midst? I get they kind of want “dark and edgy”, does Larian, but I don’t think anyone gave them the memo about “sometimes you need some counterpoint to that or it just becomes this endless slog through unrelenting nasty and who actually wants to play that?” I guess some people do, because a lot of people like it a lot more than I do - and in fact like the companions a lot more than I do - but I’ve mostly been warming to the ones who aren’t constantly sniping at everyone, constantly trying to pick a fight, and occasionally threatening to kill the rest of the party. Seriously, if this was a TTRPG, some of this shit would land the entire game on r/rpghorrorstories over on Reddit. Buuuuuuuut my basically-brother bought it for me when it first came out on early access and it was really expensive and I feel like I have to keep trying. So I will keep trying.

(Divinity 2 can go piss up a rope, though; their companions are even worse.)

I’m also installing the Dishonored games. I don’t generally do well with first person, but I’m going to try again anyway. I’ve been running a homebrew Dishonored TTRPG; not having played the actual game feels like a missed opportunity. While those who have played told me I had the vibe remarkably well for someone who’s never touched the games, I still kind of want to try. I mean, not immediately, because between pollen and increased barometric pressure because of one banger of a thunderstorm heading in this direction, my head can’t really take it.

In a similar vein, the Bioshock games. Well, okay, possibly not Bioshock 2, because the idea of playing as a Big Daddy is kind of offputting, but I want to play the original - or maybe more the remastered original. It’s first person and that’s always a bugger in combat for me, not to mention the headaches, but I only want the story and there’s a god mode so it’s fine. That’s generally my way out of “games I struggle with playing”, honestly - it gives me some breathing room to get used to how things work before I get about eighteen different shades of headachy and / or frustrated. Unfortunately that’s not so much an option in games like Dishonored or Assassin’s Creed (I own a few of those too and I’m also reinstalling them, and at least there’s not the first-person bit to worry about), but maybe if I do things like Bioshock and possibly The Outer Worlds (though I recall a bugger of a migraine the last time I tried it; though that was before the new glasses ... except the ‘new’ glasses were a couple of years ago and I probably need my prescription checked again), I’ll get enough feel for first person to give Dishonored a proper try. I mean, going through old files, I have been forcibly reminded that I was something of a beast on the original Overwatch so that should carry over a bit. I mean, sure, I was very careful to take screen breaks between matches in a way that destroys immersion in a story-driven game, but there’s also not the “too many bright lights / bright colours / particle effects” issue with Dishonored and Bioshock that I had in Overwatch. So maybe it’ll balance out?

It’s kind of nice, this. While I’m glancing between the Steam sale and my wishlist and going, “Meeeeeeeeeeeh...” because not sure if I want any of them that much right now, I’m also getting functionally ‘new’ games at my disposal without having to spend anything. Not to mention that it’s the same shopping feel of “Do I want this enough to have it at my disposal right now?” - though in this case it’s “Does the minor annoyance of having to wait to play anything until it’s downloaded outweigh the joy I’ll have in having it at my fingertips?” instead of “Could the money be better spent elsewhere?”, so it’s way less high stakes. Which is honestly all to the good - I am so susceptible to sticker shock it’s not even funny.

Now, of course, it’s deciding which one to play first. I mean, part of my current play time is devoted to my second play through of Wylde Flowers (turned out I did miss an outfit but the dev team was kind enough to point out which one and it was an easy fix so CRAFT ALL THE THINGS achievement huzzah!), but ... so many gaaaaaaames. Though I’m supposed to have a Shenanigans session tonight so I can’t get into anything too ... involved. Though more so than I thought today because I was going to go out and pick up some things but ... pissing it down with rain with incoming thunderstorms, and I can’t hold an umbrella. Even a quick pop to the corner shop is going to be a bit much, never mind “out to the grocery store for basmati rice and more little marshmallows for my hot chocolate”. Though with three servings of lamb dopiaza and aloo gobi after a cooking bonanza last night, the basmati rice may be non-negotiable. Regular old white rice just is not the same, and I’m not paying corner shop prices for basmati; I refuse. The prices the supermarkets are charging are bad enough.

Aaaaaaaand that’s a rant I don’t want to go into so I’m going to go back to looking over my Uninstalled folder (and maybe my Nope folder) and see if there’s anything else I want Right This Second Now. Also check my zinnias because they were looking a little droopy this morning and I want to make sure they perked up after the watering. Yeah, pissing it down with rain and somehow none of it got into my window boxes.

[softness-and-shattering]

You can't solve problems until you believe there is a solution to be found. Sometimes the first step is just finding the next step because you don't where you're going, but you're going. And sometimes you have to imagine a big picture, you have to imagine the bees and the butterflies and the farmers markets, and then your subconscious starts working to break down the.problems and identify how to start addressing them.

I'm not a neuroscientist or anything but just from my own experience, the best way to start problem solving is to believe that there is a solution. It sounds kind of dumb, I'll grant that. But, if you dont believe in a solution, there's nothing to ponder. There's just not. If there's no way out, trying to find one is a waste of precious resources. You almost can't allocate energy/brain space. Once you think "OK but if I was going to find a miracle solution, what might it look like?" the world opens up your imagination is free to get creative and weird and go in all kind of unexpected directions. I've been surprised at myself and how fast ideas start flowing when I stop resisting. (Also dependent on other factors like fatigue and illness but putting those aside). You have to believe.

The human brain is ridiculous and people as a whole, as a collective, we can do ridiculous things. We've been to the MOON. and BACK. Multiple times! People can juggle knives and swallow fire and hold their breath for immense lengths of time, people can do astounding acrobatic feats, we can level up our hearing and our taste and our touch, I've seen a guy attach a teabag to his truck and just using truck controls dip it into a cup of hot water. Humans calculated the moon trips with just their brains and we called them computers. Old ladies sewed the astronaut suits with all the skills in their hands and minds and didn't make a single mistake in immensely small margins. We make breathtaking music and incredibly complex engineering. And no nobody can do anything their heart desires if they set their mind to it, we all have all kinds of limitations of privilege and health and access and what century we're born in. But many many people, maybe all people, can be extraordinary. We as a species and a community are absolutely extraordinary.

Imagine if most of us weren't still struggling for basic survival day in and day out, fleeing wars and poverty and disease etc. I don't know if I believe human potential even has an end limit, we went to the MOON on the amount of storage space of a jpeg file, if I've understood correctly. THE MOON. IN SPACE. like. Really think about it.

Of course we might have a future with baby goats and bumblebees and grandchildren. We just have to believe. Not in the disney sense. In the ok that's first and now we have to get to work sense.

In the future, children will think our ways are strange. "Why do old people always grow so much milkweed in their gardens?" they'll say. "Why do old people always write down when the first bees and butterflies show up? Why do old people hate lawn grass so much? Why do old people like to sit outside and watch bees?"

We will try to explain to them that when we were young, most people's yards were almost entirely short grass with barely any flowers at all, and it was so commonplace to spray poisons to kill insects and weeds that it was feared monarch butterflies and American bumblebees would soon go extinct. We will show them pictures of sidewalks, shops, and houses surrounded by empty grass without any flowers or vegetables and they will stare at them like we stared at pictures of grimy children working in coal mines

[insidekaz]

Man, having insomnia fucking sucks.

Hello internet. Welcome back to yet another blog where I release the thoughts that are trapped inside this rather abnormal cranium of mine. Tonight, I write to you from a rather weird setting. Instead of me typing out my post in the middle of the evening from my rather impressive custom-built computer, I instead type to you from my iPad. It’s currently 3:40 in the morning on this cold December Friday, my partner sleeping soundly next to me.

At least, I think it is.

Honestly, I’m not really sure. Luckily, I broke out the quiet keyboard to type in bed.

Anyway,

I haven’t updated this blog in a while. I could lie and say that I’ve been working on other projects, but that wouldn’t be entirely true. I mean, I have been working on other stuff, but there’s been a lot less finishing projects and more starting and stopping. I mean, I’ve been working on a review script for Marmalade Is Missing for the last month and a half. I only have three or four paragraphs left to type, yet, every time I go to work on it, I tend to find myself in a sudden state of unease. Like, I’m perfectly aware that I shouldn’t fear my own creations getting out into the public. Hell, I started a blog back up on a website that I check maybe once a week. It’s really less my own views on my work and more worrying about how the world might react, if that makes any sense.

With the direction that America is going in, you can’t blame me for having these anxious thoughts about my projects. When my stuff hits the web, it isn’t going to be just me that’s going to have a small spotlight shining down on them, but also everyone affiliated with me. My partners, my alters, my friends, and anyone else that I bring on this project. Kameron Kazma’s Something Show is a project that I have somewhat ridiculously high hopes for, but I do truly believe that my work could bring the entertainment that the Internet deserves right now. I’ve been paying close attention to what’s being seen as comedic in today’s day and age. Very few people are trying to do anything original these days, most of the digital community diluting down to repost and “Loud Equals Funny” content. It almost feels like my devices have been infected with some kind of virus, one that ignores the fact that I frequently tap “Not Interested” on every piece of stolen content on TikTok so that it can force more down my throat.

Speaking of TikTok, that’s got social media on fire right now. From what I’ve seen, the TikTok Ban is still happening on January 19th of next year (2025 in case someone is reading this in the future.) Apparently ByteDance has already tried to file for an appeal to the court once, but it was quickly shot down. Word has it that the company is going to try again. I’m not going to hold my breath for too long though. If anything, I might still be able to access it on my computer whenever I want to post something. Only problem is that now I’ll have to start double editing all of my short form content so that I can still post it for both mobile users of TikTok and computer users of YouTube. Gotta keep that content flowing, ya know?

While I’m practically venting out the inner thoughts of my mind, that’s another thing that I need to maybe start worrying about now: the algorithm. I’ve always hated the idea of following treads to get a following. I’ve always been someone who likes the idea that I could make it BIG doing my own thing. I hate the idea of having to follow in the footsteps of someone else, but recent events make it seem as if I need to start paying a little more attention to what popular these days. This was already something that I was loosely aware of before, but I think I stopped taking notes when popular trends contained petty theft and purposely pissing people off to get cargo ships full of hate comments. (JelloApocolypse’s One Piece video is the best worst example of this.)

The least I could do is see what’s popular in a positive light and try to work that into my projects.

That is, of course, I get any of those projects done…

I might need to start hiring people to pester me into getting things done.

(Also, random side note, I’m listing to BRAINS! By Voltaire while I’m typing this and the gif above weirdly goes along with the song. I picked that gif, like, three or four songs back. Just a random thought.)

Alright, I’ve gotta get to bed. My partner just woke up cause its usual work alarm went off, but it has the day off. I might be in a bit of trouble in the morning for still being up at 4 A.M., so wish me luck! I’ll do my random color coding in the morning when I wake up (considering I either sleep or sit here until the sun rises.)

Stay safe out there.

-Kameron D. Kazma

P.S. Again, there’s isn’t some kind of secret code to the coloring of my post. I just like making it look weird.

Or maybe there is a code.

Not like anyone’s gonna take the time to figure it out either way…

[thespacebetweenworlds]

Wattpad's Ban on Writing Underage Sex

Welcome to the post. First, let's get out of the way why I, a tumblr and ao3 user, care about Wattpad and why I think you should, too.

Wattpad has 2 major reasons why it is awesome. Language and accessibility. It's available and fully functional in 18 different display languages, and supports stories in even more languages. Without any knowledge of English, Wattpad is accessible and fully functional, even designed for use on a cellphone. There is no need for a browser, or a PC to store word files, or google docs. Wattpad allows users to draft and save ideas directly in the app. It is no suprise that the majority of Wattpad users are teenagers all around the world, who may not have access to a PC or laptop, who may not speak English and would have a much more difficult time writing on AO3, FFN, fictionpress, etc.

In recent years Wattpad has increased third party advertisements and added paid stories. In recent years Wattpad has also published and helped publish multiple young female writers globally. Wattpad is capitalist and for-profit, but that doesn't change that it has given voice, money and careers to its users. About 70% of Wattpad users are female, and most of us are millenials and gen z. As of september 2020, Wattpad had 90 million monthly users.

In 2024, Wattpad has changed their content guidelines, clarifying that while sexual content - the written, creative kind - is allowed, it is no longer allowed to be about characters under the age of 18. According to Canadian law, the age of consent is 18, so smut between fictional teens is no longer allowed. (An AI bot is going through Wattpad and randomly deletes works). Only weeks later, Wattpad has discontinued direct messaging between users, which caused a larger protest in the userbase.

Now here's my thesis:

Teenagers/under 18 year olds have sex, read about sex, and write about sex.

That's normal. It is the task of the adults in their life, be it parent, teacher, or social institution, to teach children about consent, safe sex, protection, and STDs. Disallowing, deleting and banning short stories, books, and other prose depicting sexual content is like preaching abstince: harmful.

The age requirement to create a Wattpad account is 13. Wattpad users who make an account are thus at least 13 years of age, and capable of reading. It's not an imposition to assume that users will be able to understand the meaning of a "mature" rating, and act according to their own wants and comforts.

What I mean to say it that saying "minors aren't allowed to read or write smut" is a nonsensical, puritanical, conservative statement. It is also wrong. By using it, you infantilise teenagers, you take away their agency, you say they're too young to know anything. When instead you should listen to them, and learn. Content ratings, tags, descriptions and warnings are important. It's also important that readers and writers can choose for themselves what content to engage with.

But Wattpad is a global community. Local laws hold power over online websites and apps. The age of consent, internet regulations for children, and youth protections are different in different countries; the definitions of words like "minor" and "adult" aren't universal. Now Wattpad is enforcing Canadian law. Wattpad is owned by the South Korean company Naver. Wattpad could decide to abide by different national laws at any time. What do we do when Wattpad announces that if characters have sex, they need to be married? What do we do when Wattpad announces that queer stories are now illegal? What do we do when Wattpad bans all sexual content?

Wattpad has always been a home to teenage writers. It has given creative voice to a generation and inspired millions of young people to write and read. With Wattpad's options for multimedia storytelling, it is challenging old ideas of literature. Wattpad may be host to some shitty works, but it is also host to astounding and profound works. That is true for every place where you find this much art.

Wattpad declared that with this new content guideline, this ban on fictional underage sex, they're building a safe space. Bullshit. If Wattpad wanted to do that, they would provide quality sex education on the website in all supported languages. Whatever Wattpad thinks it's doing, it's not protecting youth. It's discimination based on age, and censorship.

I don't know how to end this post. Maybe by saying that freedom of press is important. Maybe by saying that banning books isn't helpful. Maybe by reminding everyone that reading or writing smut is not shameful, never shameful. It can be empowering. It can be catharsis.