#I only tag that one specifically because I used him as an example

[thekats]

"sexy fanart vs character appreciation"

I find so interesting this recurring connection between a character/person's relationship to sex (as in the activity) and their broadly perceived lack of depth, integrity or intelligence.

I have seen this across multiple fandoms now, and more than just one person each time, and since literary analysis is more my area of expertise than social studies for the real world, I will stick to: fictional characters (I know, big shock from me, on my blog, with mine words)

"I am seeing only sexy drawings, and I enjoy them, but no one seems to appreciate their personality like I do" seems to be, in essence, what these posts say. Respectfully: How the fuck would you know about someone's appreciation of a character from just some fanart? Legitimately, fandom has become so toxic - and I am not taking myself out of that accusation, I've had to catch myself more times than I'd like to admit thinking 'boo, you hate my precious baby angel, you're a meanie!'... or something perhaps less joke-ified... I get being defensive. I mean, they just said something bad about your darling, they started it, right? Maybe. Or maybe we could just lower our blood pressure (which is actually a terrible turn of phrase if you, like me, suffer from chronically low blood pressure) and accept that we don't all have to like and dislike the same things. We don't have to piss on each other for liking or disliking different things. We don't even have to have founded arguments for why we like or dislike things. And we also, and I really need to hear myself say this so listen up, don't have to take it personally when others like or dislike different things from us.

"I don't like Regal, he is boring." Okay. You're wrong, but... you know... okay.

"I really love Gortash, such a bad boy." Okay. Good for you. Couldn't care less about the guy. (I don't actually know what people like in Gortash, so forgive me if I'm way off-mark, I legitimately do not care at all about him, Orin or Thorm beyond killing them for the plot.)

See how easy that was? I took a few deep breaths after typing out that first one (cried and died a little on the inside, but it's fine, Martel will forgive my sins and I will be united with him after death), but I can just accept that we see these characters differently.

Now, I hear you. "What's that have to do with sexy fanart?" The answer is simple and complex at the same time: We all have a relationship to sex.

For some of us it's good.

For some of us it's bad.

Some of us don't really care about it.

Most of us don't share the exact same relationship to sex as each other.

This is going to be a partially meta-relevant example, but mostly he's just right there: Halsin. Halsin is established by the game he is in to be a very sex-positive character. Immediately, upon first flirt, he is all "gosh, would that I could." Like it or not, Halsin has a very high interest in having sex. And not just with people he really likes. In fact, not just with people. And call me crazy, but it doesn't strike me as the same habit-and-compulsion driven sexing that Astarion does. Halsin likes, enjoys and seeks out sex when he wants to. He'll ask to join your existing relationship. He'll ask to join you for a random no-feelings-attached foursome/fivesome with drow prostitutes, even though he clearly has some lingering trauma from his time as a sex-slave to a drow couple.

Sex can be an integral part to a character. This does not make the character one-dimensional. Just like us, a well-written character's relationship to sex can be very complex. It would do us, as a society, well to remember that having an active sex life does not equal being shallow. And celibacy does not make one deep or whatever.

The thing about fictional characters we like is that they mirror us in some way. They have something we can connect to. We can project ourselves onto them and/or learn to understand ourselves a little more through them. If I have sexual trauma and my coping strategy is to be sexually active, then I may a) see myself reflected in characters like Astarion and Halsin and b) focus my lens on that part of them, "hypersexualise" them and share that to the world as a way to work through my own shit, to see myself there but extrapolated. The image of, say, Halsin gives me both a canvas to paint myself and a shield to hold before my most sensitive parts. He is a fictional character. He'll be fine.

In art, we express. Be it drawing/painting, writing, or music-ing(...), we share our lens, our perspective from which we view the character. This can become very explicit, especially in writing, or it can remain very abstract and inaccessible to others, who don't know how to see like we do. I drew a bottom!halsin not so long ago. Did I do it just because "Halsin hot. Halsin bottom hot"? Well, yes, in part. But why do I find that hot? Why as a bottom? Because it expresses something about his character for me. We always get to see him being in charge, taking charge, doing things for the benefit of others. It is (quietly?) expected of him to be a top, both sexually and socially (work with me here, yeah?). I like characters like him to be allowed a break, for them to be able to lean in to being taken care of. Halsin enjoys his lovers enjoying themselves. Nice, him and me both. So you bet your arse I'm going to really enjoy him enjoying himself. Still following? I expressed that, a tiny little character analysis with my sexy fanart. Did you, who complains about the sexualising fanart, see that in my drawing? Nah, you just saw "Wah, you're objectifying my beloved character with your silly little wank-material!" and then you go and post about how disappointed you are that everyone just sees him as a piece of meat and "no one wants to read a few paragraphs of sweet fluff or analysis". Well, here. Since you're such an avid reader, read these 'few paragraphs of analysis'. While you're at it (which you're probably not, let's be honest, you just wanted to be "not like the others") be glad that you can. Because, Brittany Alexander Kay, some of us are disabled and can't. You think I read my own shit? Please, I don't have the spoons to try and whiplash myself through my own writing. It's atrocious! Plus, I already know the points I'm making- but that's not... I'm a terrible reader, let's just leave it there.

Maybe I'm drawing sexy fanart of him because, well, I find him sexy and I want to look at some sexy art. Again, he is a fictional character. He will be fine.

I could also be drawing sexy fanart of him just to get some practise, hone my skills, study anatomy, and post it to get feedback or just to overcome shyness or whatever, I, of course, wouldn't know anything about panicking before posting fanart on the internet, completely foreign concept to me, I am so confident, I never even cried after clicking "post".... /s

"But Kats, you just said you could take a breath and mind your business." Yup, I can. But when it leaves the fictional ("I don't like how hypersexual this character is") and enters the real ("I don't like how you objectify this character"), then I believe it is only adequate to speak my mind. A fictional character will not be affected by your opinions. Real people, however, most definitely are. And since you don't live inside their heads, it seems very presumptuous of you to assume that because someone draws sexy fanart of a character, that they only see them as a piece of pleasure-meat.

Sometimes, there's more to it than you can tell at a glance. Fanart is no less meaningful than gallery art just because it's by a fan and posted on the internet.

Sometimes, it's just porn. And that's fine, too.

[pipermca]

New AO3 Tag Wrangling Policy and the Transformers Fandom

Edit in the event people come back to the original post: Please do not email AO3 about this issue. See their response about this issue!

(This is a long one, folks, but I think it's important.)

A new tag-wrangling policy on AO3 has the potential to create some massive confusion and chaos in the Transformers fanfic community, with regards to fandom tags. There is a Reddit post about it here with a focus on anime fandoms, but I want to give some concrete examples for the Transformers fandom on why we DO NOT WANT this, and why I think it's a horrible idea.

The Problem

Basically, AO3 is looking to get rid of the "All Media Types" fandom tag across the board, either by dismantling them or just not maintaining them. The Transformers - All Media Types tag has been an all-purpose tag that you could select when your story doesn't fall into any one specific continuity. Additionally, all most (see below) TF continuities on AO3 are considered a subtag of the Transformers - All Media Types tag. For example, if you look at the link above for all works in the All Media Types tag, you will see fics that are also tagged ONLY with Transformers: Animated, because it falls under the All Media Types tag.

One exception: With the upcoming Transformers: One movie coming out imminently, there will likely be a big influx of stories tagged with Transformers: One. In fact, there are several already. However, it hasn't been linked to the larger Transformers - All Media Types tag yet. I wasn't worrying about it though, because I know these things can take time.

With information about this new tagging policy, however, I'm now wondering whether it'll EVER get linked to the All Media Types tag. If that happens, and when more continuities are developed in the coming years (since you know Hasbro loves creating new universes) this has the potential to cause massive confusion when looking for stories to read.

Searching for Stories with the New Tagging System

So let's say the All Media Types fandom tag isn't accurate anymore, because it no longer includes ALL of the continuities (such as TF:One). You will need to include ALL the Transformers continuities when browsing for TF fics.

How many tags is that? Well, here are all of the tags currently listed under the Transformers - All Media Types tag:

Note that this doesn't include Transformers: One since it hasn't been categorized yet.

You will potentially have to have 40 or more different fandom tags in your search, just in case the author tagged their story with something you weren't expecting.

This massively decreases the findability of a story.

Tagging with the New System

The email response from the Tag Wrangling group (see the linked Reddit post above) seems to be a bit flip in the response to the user's concern. "...encourages creators to tag with the media they intend."

While I appreciate what they are attempting to do, this policy change feels like a solution in search of a problem, especially in larger fandoms with multiple continuities, versions, and media types that are all cross-pollinated in both canon and fanon. While I'm focusing on Transformers fandom, imagine a creator in the DC comic universe writing a story that incorporates bits and pieces from a dozen different reboots.

For example, let's say that I am writing a fic about Ratchet. I am using the setting of the original G1 episodes, but I also am using the characterization of him as a bit of an old man grump. That characterization originated in the Animated continuity, but I want to incorporate bits of pieces of his other characterizations as well (old friend of Optimus from TFP, Ratchet ran a faction-free clinic like he did in the War for Cybertron series, he's got a Decepticon boyfriend like in IDW1 - or maybe even Cyberverse, etc.)

With this new tagging structure, I might potentially have to tag the story with ALL of those continuities. So instead of just slapping down the "All Media Types" tag (and maybe one other fandom tag that matches the characters as best I can), I'll have to analyze my story and try to figure out how best to tag for the characters I used.

And what if you're doing a completely AU version of the story? For example, a humanformers story, or merformers? Using the All Media Types tag along with a Alternate Universe - Human or Alternate Universe - Mermaid tag worked perfectly, since you weren't writing the story to fit into one specific continuity. But now, that might not be an option.

What To Do??

The first thing I would suggest is to contact AO3 (using the Feedback and Support page) and let them know (nicely) that you think this is a horrible idea. Give them some examples on how you use the All Media Types tag to find stories to read, or to help you tag a story. People outside of the Transformers fandom don't always appreciate how absolutely tangled the continuities can be with each other, and providing examples might help them see why this would be a really messy change.

Readers: Be aware that when you are looking in the All Media Types tag, it will no longer show newer continuities. And if AO3 starts dismantling that tag like they suggested they are doing, be aware that some stories won't show up in that tag like they used to. You can also create and then bookmark a custom search page that includes all 40+ continuities. REALLY annoying, but it's a workaround.

Writers: Until they start dismantling the All Media Types tag, ALWAYS ALWAYS tag your stories using Transformers - All Media Types... Especially for newer continuities. This will be especially important if you are writing a Transformers: One story. Right now, anyone who is only browsing the All Media Types tag will not see a story tagged only with Transformers: One. Make sure you're aware of how tags work and how they can affect the visibility and findability of your story.

Epilogue

Ugh. That's a lot of words for a long-weekend Saturday. And maybe I'm overreacting a tiny bit. But my work involves information architecture, and this change just absolutely baffles me. It's almost as though they want to make it harder to find stories. Considering that AO3 won a Hugo partially because of its fantastic tagging system, this change seems like AO3 is doing its best to shoot itself in the foot.

When you have a square hole, a round hole, and a rectangular hole… Yeah, you DO want each peg to go in the "right" hole. But if all of the pegs fit in the square hole, who cares? You got the job done.

I love you @ao3org, but please reconsider this change... Especially for IPs that are as old and are as varied as Transformers.

[hermitadaymay]

WELCOME TO HERMIT-A-DAY MAY 2024!

I'm thrilled to bring this challenge to you all for the second year in a row! Hermit-a-Day May is a challenge inspired by Hermitober, but with a twist: instead of theme prompts, we focus on a specific Hermit every day!

THE RULES: 1. Any type of fanwork is welcome so long as it features, or is otherwise inspired by, the Hermit of the day. 2. Tag #hermitaday to have your fanwork reblogged, or submit it directly to the blog (Please note that while I recognize the value of fanworks involving more mature themes, and they can certainly count toward challenge completion if you're keeping track for yourself, content on this blog will be kept "PG-13" so that all may enjoy.). 3. Fanworks for one Hermit posted after the day rolls over to another Hermit's day (per the US Central time zone) will be reblogged in a big queue in June. 4. I am not interested in seeing captions or tags in which you disparage your art/skills. We're all improving all the time. Be kind to yourselves.

WHY SHOULD I PARTICIPATE? To show love to every Hermit, from the most to least subscribed, from those who have been on the server from day one to those who only joined this season! And because challenges are fun! And because, this year, there's an extra dimension to the event: a fundraiser for Gamers Outreach, featuring art incentives by @rendiggitydog and @belmarzi.

GRAND TOTAL INCENTIVE: For every $150 we raise for Gamers Outreach, belmarzi will make 10 seconds' worth of animatic, featuring as many Hermits as she can fit into the time frame.

INDIVIDUAL DONATION INCENTIVE: For every $50 (formerly $65 - changed 5/3) you personally donate to the fundraiser during the month of May, Rae rendiggitydog will draw you a shaded flats commission of a Hermit of your choice.

WHO’S RUNNING THIS? Hi! My name is Luna! You can use she/her, he/him, ze/hir, or ro/ros/roseself pronouns for me. My main blog is @as-if-unreal. Yep, before you ask, it really is just me, but to be fair I've had a lot of help.

BONUS SUNDAY PROMPTS EXPLAINED UNDER THE CUT

TFC - May 5th While he may no longer be with us physically, TFC left behind him a legacy of quiet care and good humor, and Hermitcraft would not have been the same without him.

FRIENDS OF HERMITCRAFT - May 12th There are plenty of shows, podcasts, competitions, other servers, and more woven into the internet ecosystem around Hermitcraft, and plenty more people involved in them: just as a small number of examples, Season 9's Rift opened up to a whole server of Emperor friends, and there are always allies to be made in MCC and enemies to be made in the Life Series. Today is for celebrating all of those who, while they may not be Hermits themselves, exist and entertain in proximity to them.

FAVORITE "ALT" HERMIT - May 19th HoTGuY and Poultry-Man. Helsknight and Evil Xisuma. Renbob and - look, you get the idea. This server is full of theater kids ready to toss on an alternate skin and play into a brand new character at the drop of a hat. Who's your favorite?

GROUPS AND COLLABS - May 26th This month is all about one Hermit a day... but what we really love is when they interact with each other. What does your favorite duo or group of Hermits get up to together?

[insert-content]

a summar(ule)y of 196 culture

since the tumblr veterans have been kind enough to introduce us newbies to their site and culture, i think it is only fair that we explain the culture of our glorious former home to any tumblr users who might be interested in the #196 tag. keep in mind, all these things are based on my perspective of the situation.

first of all, some general information (that you might’ve already heard):

196 (r/196 on reddit) was a subreddit with only one (official) rule; "post before you leave." it was mainly a meme/shitposting sub, but it cultivated a large queer and left-leaning community. in protest of the recent api chances in reddit, 196 has shut down indefinitely until reddit reverts these changes.

now for some culture/references that you might come across

spronkus kronkus:

spronkus is this yellow, rabbit-like creature.

they were the mascot of our subreddit. their appearance can vary from images to image, but as far as i’m aware, their full outfit consists of a bandanna in the colours of the trans flag around their neck, a gun labelled as such (other wise you obviously wouldn’t know what you’re looking at), and an axe also coloured like the trans flag.

r/place:

this is a rare event on reddit where the entire website gets a huge white canvas and can start creating pixel art on it. 196 participated by collaboratively creating our mascot, spronkus with "196!" written next to them.

this version of the pixel art was recreated by me as i couldn't find a nice image of it. there were some changes between the first version and the end result, so this might not be exactly how it looked in the end

post titles/"rule":

reddit forces it's users to title every post they make. as most of the posts on 196 spoke for themselves, many user instead titled their posts "rule", to indicate that they followed the subreddit's only rule. some people also tried to make puns with the word or tried to include it in words that shared some letters (example: wor(ule)d).

anarcho-stripperism:

as the amount of cropped porn jokingly posted to the subreddit increased, the moderators decided that porn would be banned from the sub, with one exception: anarcho-stripperism. she made food fucking videos, in which she jokingly tested the fuckability of different food items (fruits, pasta, etc.)

bigotry showcase:

bigotry showcase was a post flair (basically the reddit equivalent of tags) on the subreddit and was later restricted to only be used on saturdays. under this flair people posted instances of different forms of bigotry to make fun it.

eating babies/hungryposting:

at some point, the subreddit started to pretend to like eating babies, which started a variety of memes regarding the subject. even a post flair called "hungrypost" was added because of this

goblinhog:

goblinhog is the most prominent and well-known member of the 196 moderation team. besides this, on 196 he was mostly known for changing people’s flair if you enjoyed him enough about it.

flairs:

flairs are little tags that are displayed under your name in posts or comments, they are also subreddit specific. most subreddits give their users a palette of preset flairs and the option to make your own custom flair. however, in 196 you only had the option to customize your flair during special events. if you wanted to customize your flair outside of those events (which was basically the entire time), you had to ask a mod to do it for you.

punching nazis:

from time to time, the same gif of a person with a nazi armband getting punched in the face, and promptly falling to the ground, was reposted to the subreddit. this became a sort of tradition.

discourse/drama

wasp discourse:

the wasp discourse was a one to two weeks long heated discussion that generally divided the subreddit into two factions. one side said that they were justified in killing wasps if they were attacked by them, while the other claimed that since wasps are just animals, they aren't aware of what they're doing in the same way humans are, and therefore should be spared.

drama about the british:

there was a time when jokes along the lines of "ew, british" became pretty frequent on the subreddit. as a response, some user claimed that this was akin to racism and tried to get others to stop with the jokes. a debate over whether or not it was important or necessary to stop followed afterwards.

pillar discourse:

this was a debate over which type of pillar should be considered the best (ionic; doric; corinthian). i have seen the question "which pillar is the best?" being used as a sort of greeting between 196 refugees on here.

related subreddits

195:

195 was the predecessor to 196, and also was a social experiment with the same premise as 196 (one rule, post before you leave). as the creators of 195 ended the experiment, the community wanted something with the same vibe to continue posting, and thus 196 was born.

197:

197 is another part of the 196 ecosystem and is commonly understood to be the more politically right-leaning and bigoted as 196, as some people who were banned from 196 continued posting there. besides that, the subreddits were essentially the same in terms of how they functioned.

19684:

this subreddit adds a second rule which banned all mentions of sex (that’s why it’s name is a pun on 1984). some people took this as banning all discussion of sexuality, which resulted in a community that was slightly less accepting of queer people. it is currently still up and running as the 196 moderation team wants a way to stay in contact with the community.

amendments to the posts:

u/femboy_expert:

another well-known 196 user. as the name suggests they're an expert on the subject of femboys, with their flair on 196 reading "phd in feminine boys". as the subreddit was somewhat obsessed with femboys, it's no wonder that they became popular.

u/shitcum_backup:

this was the main account of a pretty popular shitposter on the subreddit. although i didn't see them as much in the last few months, i remember them sometimes having a unique speaking pattern, in which they referred to themself in the third person.

u/monko74:

this user commented "Every day I thank god for not making me a r/196 celebrity," which led to many users of the subreddit treating them like a micro celebrity. there are even a few subreddits solely dedicated to u/monko74.

691:

a sister subreddit that inverts the rule of 196, here you would be (temporarily) banned for posting. some time ago the members of this sub initiated a rebellion/revolution against the bot who performed all the bans (roomba).

u/Smart_Calendar1874:

this wasn’t necessarily part of the subreddit, but it was a pretty popular meme. and since it’s getting posted on here again, and i know enough about it, i’ll add it to the post. this user made a post to r/AskReddit titled "How would you get a small cylinder (5.1in length, ~4.5in girth) unstuck from a mini M&Ms tube filled with butter and microwaved mashed banana? [sic]" it was pretty clear that they were referring to their penis, yet they continued to claim "it’s a cylinder," in the comment section. this lead to comments like "it is imperative that the cylinder […] remains unharmed," in response to people’s advice of cutting the m&m tube.

it's going to be very interesting to see which aspects of 196 culture are going to survive the tumblr migration, and which aspects won't be applicable on this site.

i'm obviously not the ultimate scholar on 196 lore. if i’ve missed or left out anything, or said something wrong, please comment it.

[atrophiedemotion]

escapism vs reality in alien stage

in this post (elaborated greatly by geo's tags as well) i mentioned a big sua/till parallel i noticed (but didn't go into much detail because i didn't want to derail the post lol), and i wanted to go into more detail on that and the overall reality vs fantasy theme alnst has going.

sua & till both use their love for mizi as a form of escapism. sua's love for mizi and the weight of her knowledge of their universe causes her to create a safe (fake) bubble for her and mizi to exist in & makes it as perfect as it can be before they're out of time. till uses his love & admiration for mizi as a beacon of hope, as motivation to go on despite how horribly he's treated in day to day life. mizi is the brightness in both of their dull lives.

this view of mizi as a hopeful, optimistic sort-of deity sheds light onto an entire theme of alien stage, escapism vs reality. it also shows that mizi & ivan, in this specific instance, are antitheses of each other.

mizi, as a character, symbolizes hope and escapism. she is the only character out of the main four that didn't understand the exact conditions of their world due to how she was raised. she does not fully grasp how horrifying the alnst universe is until she watches sua die, which is the inciting incident for the entire series. escapism isn't possible anymore, but hope is still there when she gets rescued by hyuna and joins the rebellion.

ivan, on the other hand, literally symbolizes truth and the reality of their world. since he was born he understood the cruelty the segyein are capable of and knows exactly where he stands in the world. he is seen to be fatalistic and even nihilistic. his death, which he sees as an inevitability, is the second inciting incident (the one where everything goes to shit chaos afterward). it is a brutal reminder of the truth of alien stage to both the characters and the audience.

sua & till actively seek out mizi as solace in their pain, and they both actively avoid ivan (in their own ways) and the connections he has to reality.

sua avoids ivan because, well, he's mean to her, but mostly because he's not even trying to be mean, he's just objectively right and she doesn't want to hear it. he is a reminder not only of the cruel world they live in but her own 'twistedness'. he reminds her that she is not solely the fantasy she's created with mizi, but someone with unavoidable knowledge of the inevitable (as well as someone who is willfully keeping this information from an unknowing mizi).

till avoids confronting his feelings for ivan and confronting ivan in general because ivan confuses him. his feelings for ivan aren't cut and dry in the way his feelings for mizi are, because ivan is and always will be tied to pain and suffering for till (their first meeting in the auction shop, their miscommunication/strange relationship, the fact that ivan is the only one who sees him at his most vulnerable, etc). ivan's death forces him to confront these feelings (for ivan & about their world in general) but even then he's repressing them until he physically can't anymore.

mizi is escapism & hope, literally realized because she escapes. ivan is reality & a representation of the fate of alnst contestants, literally realized through his death.

it doesn't end there, though. sua & till are escapists running from reality (with diverging paths that are both narratively important in their own ways), while mizi represents escapism & ivan represents reality. along similar lines, but going a step further, hyuna & luka showcase these exact themes.

hyuna is the legitimate showcase of hope, of freedom. she is a free human (as free as you can get in the alnst universe) and the leader of a human rebellion focused on uprising as a race against the segyein.

luka is the perfect example of compliance within reality. he is now a two time alien stage champion and the definition of a pet, no matter how he actually feels.

hyuna & luka are similar to, but a step beyond, mizi & ivan. mizi symbolizes escapism, but she is faced with reality and must grapple it, while hyuna is freedom personified (albeit with demons of her own). ivan symbolizes reality, but he still yearns for something he thinks he'll never have, while luka completely shuts off those emotions because he knows they will only jeopardize his chances of survival.

the characters of alien stage perfectly embody one of the core themes of alien stage, the discrepancy between fantasy and truth, and the way those can coincide in a world.

[chiiyuuvv]

when &team has a crush on you

friend!&team x fem!reader 1.6k words

▸ 𝘱𝘭𝘢𝘺?

Kei ♥︎

Y'all are so oblivious STOPPPP. It was love at first sight yet y’all are too blind to see that, so you start having “lovers quarrels” (as the members like to call it)

Play fights with kei >>> he purposely takes an embarrassing photo of you and it ends with you chasing him around the house with a member sending you a side eye 🥹

Probably refers to you as the “mom.” (poor fuma) He's like, “guys be on your best behavior, mom's coming today!” “So that means you're the dad??” “Taki!!!” 

Has some moments when he zones out with a lil smile on his face, but never tells you why. “Oh, what are you grinning about this time?” “A time where your breath smelled better 😊” “gasps kei!!”

This is very specific but back to the whole mom thing- imagine you're cooking dinner for your kids and husband when suddenly kei comes up and back hugs you. You get flustered (obviously) so kei uses that opportunity to tease you when his ears are burning red but shhh shhh, we don't talk about that

Fuma ♥︎

Doesn't think much of it at first. You're the pretty girl that tags along with their adventures, nothing less nothing more. Until it hits him: He smiles more in your presence. Then he's like oh.. oh.. OHHHH 

Since he's older, I think he would be the most sane around his crush. Sure his heart might skip a beat when you share a smile, but he's not panicking on the inside like the other members. He has this chill, peaceful persona when he's with you

Unintentionally showers you with gifts. He gets you a necklace because it has all your favorite colors/shapes/etc. and you're just like “fuma, another one?! You already got me a headband” and he's like “oh yeah hehe 😅😅 still take this gift tho ╰⁠(⁠⸝⁠⸝⁠⸝⁠´⁠꒳⁠`⁠⸝⁠⸝⁠⸝⁠)⁠╯”

Takes you on friendly dates when you first start talking. He likes you but he doesn't want to rush anything, so he uses that time to better understand you and vice versa

Takes candid photos of you during said dates. Loves seeing you in your natural state :)) you're like a sunflower to him, so bright and welcoming :( 

Nicholas ♥︎

Unconsciously plays with your hair during public gatherings

Not only with the hair thing, but would also find random excuses to touch you. Like grabbing your hand whilst walking through a crowd.. it isn't exactly necessary, but it is a pretty good excuse if I say so myself 🤷‍♀️

Also calls you cute no matter what you do!! You could be doing something random (like idk.. ordering food or smth) and all you hear in the background is nico’s iconic laugh followed by “kawaii” under his breath

This might be a bit of a stretch, but dare I say he has a nickname reserved just for you?? For example, sometimes he calls himself weno (which is stinking cute if you ask me) and last time I checked, no other person has called him that (besides his family most likely). Maybe that's a nickname only you can call him, as he might get weirded out/confused if the members call him that. (They would most likely tease him after discovering this very juicy information)

Probably the most in denial about his crush on you. Like no way, you're literally like a sister to him. Wdym his eyes sparkle whenever you talk? You're just delusional shush

Euijoo ♥︎

You're each other's comfort persons. Show one sign of discomfort, sadness, whatever, and he's already cheering you up (and vice versa!!)

You've probably known each other for the longest, so you hold a special place in his heart

Which is probably why he doesn't want to fall in love with you, because you're too valuable to lose. He's not going to risk your amazing friendship over his silly little feelings, if anything he's just gonna ignore it and go back to acting his usual euijoo self (note: don't do that)

Who knew that would be so hard :(( noticeably shy when you enter the room, his words stuck in his throat and his hands shaking while his eyes avoid yours at all cost. Why'd you have to look so pretty today? 

Gets so flustered when you compliment him. he's like “oh..” while looking away and biting back his smile, then you make eye contact and y'all just burst out laughing 🥹💔

Yuma ♥︎

Awkward.. he doesn't know how to act around you

He's super nonchalant at first, just yk.. tRyInG tO pLaY iT cOoL but stops because you aren't paying attention to him :((

Then he turns into his massive fluff ball but stops because 1) he doesn't normally act like that so it's weird.. 2) his liking towards you seems more obvious and 3) the members caught on after the second encounter and now they're teasing them (side note but I can definitely see the members (prob taki) using that as blackmail. Like oh, you won't do my chores?? I'll tell yn you like her >:))

So yuma opts to tease you. Turns into your #1 enemy that you just wanna strangle but you never do it because you'll go to jail he's kinda cute annoying you. Wait what??

But the cuteness is mutual since yuma loves seeing you flustered/angry. So it's a win win ig 🤷‍♀️ 🤷‍♀️ 

Jo ♥︎

Although he would be the quietest around his crush, I feel like he would have random bold moments around you

Like texting first when that's something you usually do, asking you out for lunch, touching you (consentfully); it's the random bold moments that not only shock you but himself

I think he would overthink his actions. Like when he gifted you some flowers, was he too obvious with his liking towards you? Did he not show enough interest in you? Still trying to figure out the line between too much and too little

I know I usually say “x members asks his hyungs for help” but I think Jo would avoid talking to someone about it 💀 doesn't want to get teased/that person accidentally spills the beans in front of you 

SOOOOO he keeps a journal that's just filled with you ;) writing about all his interactions with the love of his life you, random, super detailed drawings. It's his love diary :))

Harua ♥︎

If we're being completely honest you probably already had a crush on harua before he took interest in you. Or maybe that's just me……. Anyways

CUTIE PATOOTIE JUST STUFF HIM IN YOUR POCKET HES SO URGHHH 🥹🥹🥹

he'd be so CUTE around you with a side of shy (I'm writing this as I'm sobbing) probably goes out of his way to surprise you with flowers (or chocolates if you're on your period), or little treats and he's all like 😊😊 as he's giving them to you but in the inside he's HOLLERING

If you're a bestie of one of the members, suddenly harua’s pestering them on what you like, dislike, etc. because he needs to know all about you. He's like that SpongeBob meme “write that down write that down!!”

And he doesn't even deny that he has a crush on you 😭😭😭 the members like, “why do you want to know this?? Do you like her or smth?? /j” and harua's like, “yep! Now tell me more ✍️”

Taki ♥︎

I also think taki would be awkward around you, but he's painfully obvious 😭

He's the life of the party around his friends, just gets on the floor and starts doing the worm and then you walk in the room and he's like🧍‍♀️all of a sudden he's quieter than jo, which is strange because have you seen taki??

Do NOT touch the boy istg he will malfunction on the spot. He goes to calm to sweating to stuttering to he's avoiding your eyes to- he's a mess to say the very least

Gets so anxious when he's sitting next to you. Everything HAS to be perfect. No maki, you will not show her your weird trick. Stop leaning against the table nico. He'd send a (very scary) glance at the member and then they're like 😅😅 “anyways…”

Just a heads up, but you'd probably have to confess to the boy because he refuses. He'd talk to the members and he's all like “yeah I'm gonna talk to her, yeah I'm gonna rizz her up, i'm a rizz lord after all. 😎” and then you show up and he suddenly disappears. Where did he go??

Maki ♥︎

Compliments in German (an established trope in luneville) to tease you.. or because he feels shy to reveal his true feelings (winky winky)

Values his quiet time with you: meaningful talks, cuddling, holding each other's hands.. something that only couples do. So in the end, maki tends to overthink your actions. Why would you grab his hand out of the blue? Or change his name to “prince” or something of that nature? What are we?? <- something he asked himself a lot

Your name constantly leaves maki’s mouth no matter the conversation, which leaves the members feeling annoyed 😭 Like maki could be talking to kei about idk frogs and he's just like, “did you know yn-” “maki.” “..sorry.”

You guys most likely have a mutual favorite artist that you two rant about

Omg what if he confesses through your favorite song? Say your mutual fav artist releases a love song and one day maki sings it to you. He'd probably hold your hand and keep eye contact the entire time, then when the song is finished he'd kiss the said hand. WAIT AWW THATS SO CUTE

︴bonus! trying to get out of my writers block bc i wanna write so bad T_T SPEAKING OF WHICH i'm not ready to get back into solo works as of yet, so i've been using headcanons to ease me back into the mood. SOOO my requests will be open for more &team headcanon ideas (only &t bc xikers has a bunch)!! i'll probably write how &t confesses btw :3

▸ taglist 📬 @rizzkisworld , @cherrycolaberry , @kehnarii , @wtfisgoingright

🎬 navi

@chiiyuuvv on tumblr . do not steal works/headers/line dividers

[justcallmesakira]

DOA trio (Fyodor, Nikolai, Sigma) separately with a fem reader who

Absolutely loves everything pink, frilly and with bows.

Nsfw and sfw PLEEASSEE.

Fyodor definitely has an innocence kink or something..

"TIED YOU UP WITH RIBBONS"

Sypnosis: DOA trio with a s/o who is just obsessed with frilly dollete stuff!

Genre: fluff, smut

Warnings: bondage, clit teasing, use of vibrator, hickeys

A/N: PLEASE I LOVE DIS REQUEST SO FUCKING MUCH BECAUSE LITEARLY ME

FYODOR definitely likes well dressed women, its just his type!

I am pretty sure he can easily get you all types frilly stuff its really easy for him

Though he sometimes wonders why you are so obsessed with it infact hes more shocked when he sees your curtained bedroom

His eyes being flashed by all sorts of stuff like teddies, plushies bows pretty clothes

Sure he will act a bit judgy when he finally takes a seat in your feathery brown sofa but he will get used to it

No because i can see both yalls aesthetic being opposite he might even match fits with you!

Like for example for him dark coquette and you light coquette

Imagine calmly walking beside a lake in the afternoon with the clouds like gloomy???

I think he also likes seeing you in dolly like clothes like pink lolita skirts, big PUFFY ones and i mean puffy puffy.

NSFW MENTIONS★

I can totally see this one ride of a man have an innocence kink

I personally cant see fyodor be into bondage but he absolutely loves edging you for hours

Pressing a pink vibrator against you clit and watching you with a sadistic face as you whimper and beg to be his little fuck doll

Fyodor absolutely loves ruining your innocence especially if its in your bedroom because the you will be constantly reminded of last night

I can assure you NIKOLAI is more obsessed with dressing you like his doll then you being obsessed with pink

Not only in dollete clothes also in maid dresses with frills, pink nurse costumes, maybe even jester clothes

If you dont like the red and yellow then he will jjst make dress you into a soft pink and baby blue parriot like melanie in her Glued Up mv.

He loves doing your make up the most whether its heavy or just tinted he can do it pretty well

But what he enjoys the mlst is teasing you like asking you to mark him by revealing his collar

Nikolai definitely calls you innocent lamb, little fleece, angellete every type of pet name like this

Sometimes if you ask him to tie the ribbon he might tie it a bit too tight just to see you squirm in discomfort

NSFW MENTIONS ★

He definitely has a doll kink, shifting you here and there and using you like a marionette

Tying you up with pink laces, your wrists above your head just so he can see your pretty face whine and squirm

OKAY HEAR ME OUT nikolai specifically buying you those pretty lingerie sets you know the ones with like a transparent layer on top?

Nikolai very touchy so expect a larger hand at the top of you thighs at all times or stroking your white stockings randomly

I dont really know what to type for SIGMA because he already memorized your characteristics and stuff you like!

For example if you like big poofy skirt you will already have 10 different of them in ur closet all ready!

Hes actually intrested in your style

So one time you tied his hair in a ribbon and you just couldnt stop luaghing

I think sigma has really skilled hands so he can style your hair with different clips!

He isnt really a menace like the other two so you will just find him staring at your cotton teddies

You two switch both of them at night and he likes your one better because it reeks of strawberry <3

NSFW MENTIONS ★

Personally the thing i can see him doing is making you place hickeys on his neck

SORRY but i jst cant see him be kinky with an innocent type reader

He just wants to cuddle with you man😭

Infact sigma probably blushes and curses himself whenever hes staring at your stockings for too long

A/n: sorry it was short also FIRST TIME WRITING SMUT!!!

Tags! : @inojuuy @little-miss-chaoss @terururuko

Divider crds! : @muruffin

[fairlyang]

miguel but he opens a portal to your room while your asleep.. and steals your used panties AND THIS HAPPENS MULTIPLE TIMES BEHIND YOUR BACK and confront him about it when you see the cameras.

I GOT TO WRITING SOON AS I WOKE UP N READ THIS- I LOVEDDDD THIS IDEA TY 🫶🏼🫶🏼 we love pervy miguel and I’m sorry for the wait anon hope you like it<3

Stealing 🕷️

w/c: 2.4K

pairing: pervy!miguel x f!reader

tags: 18+ smut MDNI!!!! pervy miguel w strong sense of smell, panties stealer, does it often, checks cameras, gets caught, confrontation, teasing, stroking, having him show you, more panty sniffing, jerking him off w panties

Miguel always seemed to have a strong sense of smell. Especially since he didn’t have a lot of the same spider powers as everyone else like spidey sense, but his other senses were more heightened than normal.

This meant a couple of things, for example maybe he could smell an anomaly from a mile away.

Or even know who walked into his office just from their smell.

Or in another sense, have an urge to always smell you. More specifically, your arousal.

He really couldn’t help it.

Especially knowing you usually touched yourself as soon as you got home at night and changed out of the soaked panties to sleep in fresh ones so if he were to snatch the ones from your bin, his sense of smell would be on overdrive.

The first time he did it he felt guilty but that quickly changed when he brought your panties up to his nose and he almost instantly grew hard.

He held your panties to his nose with his left hand and with his right was stroking himself, wishing so badly he could’ve been with you in bed, fucking you to sleep but instead had reports and the multiverse to worry about.

But still that didn’t stop him from at least jacking off to the thought of you while he smelled the slick stain you left on the pretty blue pair.

Precum was leaking down his shaft and his body felt so overwhelmed and even hot. It didn’t even take long for him to cum all over his thighs because your smell was just so addicting, intoxicating.

Which is why there was no shame in stealing more of your panties after that.

Most of the time he always stayed back, whether it be it took long to catch an anomaly, or he was helping someone out at the lab, he didn’t give a shit he’d open up a portal straight to your shared bedroom, go through the laundry basket until he finds a pair that wasn’t just used.

Lucky he was that you were a heavy sleeper…

He ended up having a sick routine of keeping one pair for a solid two days until the smell was practically gone and he had to replace it. He’d portal back and dump the old one, only to get a newer one then to do the same routine until it was laundry day.

After that it was pretty difficult to wait around another day when more laundry would be in the basket so it wasn’t so obvious that he’s been snatching up your used panties left and right.

And this routine worked out well for him, so well he ended up doing it for three weeks. Luckily not catching your period week.

Which might’ve been the whole reason his sense of smell has been overbearing towards you in the first place.

The pain was so horrible and even worse, the urge to have him pounding into you was unbearable.

And you didn’t want to deal with the messiness of period sex. So you dealt with the fucked up cramps and occasional migraine all while feeling the horniest you’ve ever been.

Right at the end of your last cycle, soon as you were in the clear you did not hesitate to practically pounce on him. But the smell of your arousal was somehow even better than it usually was so he didn’t hesitate to ram himself into you as soon as you were both stripped down.

You were just so horny and couldn’t help how bad you needed him and how would he ever deny a rough fuck?

Little did he know how obsessed he’d become with your scent.

So after that he couldn’t really be blamed for wanting to snatch up your dirty panties and use them as his inspiration for a good orgasm because his nose was working overtime.

And thinking he was in the clear, he didn’t even bother to stop his antics when one brutal day came by.

You lived in an apartment with Miguel, although he wouldn’t always sleep there he made sure everything was paid for so you wouldn’t have to worry your pretty head about anything.

Unfortunately it happened to be in an occasional fucked up neighborhood, sometimes there’d be robberies to local bodegas or people stealing cars in the middle of the night.

But luckily Miguel’s overprotective ass had put up cameras soon as you had moved in. A ring doorbell, a camera facing the front door, one facing the bedroom, and another outside the fire escape facing the streets.

So knowing this, it was a no brainer when one of your neighbors had told you their car got robbed and your head instantly remembered about the cameras.

As soon as you got back to your apartment from getting the mail (and the tea), you went into Miguel’s office and turned on his laptop before quickly finding the application that had all the cameras.

You rewinded back to the hour your neighbor had said they were robbed, recording a short video for them to show for insurance when you stumble across Miguel portaling in to your shared bedroom.

You were confused as to why, when he walked over to your sleeping body and covered you with the blanket making you smile.

So sweet.

Then he walked by your closet and your mouth nearly fell off the floor.

He was digging through your dirty laundry.

You blinked at the screen in shock, absolutely surprised that he would even do this.

All while you were in deep slumber, not having any idea what was happening feet away from you.

Your jaw nearly hit the floor when you saw him take a pair of your panties up to your nose and just like that he was gone.

Your eye involuntarily twitched and after just staring at the screen you realized you had to bring this up. You had to say something.

But you weren’t exactly bothered by it. You were conflicted. Confused.

But then all that switched to being turned on because it was your boyfriend of all people doing this.

You bit your lip and rewind it back, letting it play again.

That was when you realized he had another pair in his hand which he buried deep in your laundry basket before finding another one.

Almost as if to replace it.

Your eyes went wide again and you could only stare at the scene before you, in shock yet again.

How long has he been doing this?

You set up a plan to catch him in the act, assuming he’d come back for a new pair. You slipped off the pair you were wearing all day and laid it right on top then went to bed anticipating Miguel coming in.

But it took a while and it took a lot of willpower to stay up considering your body is so use to sleeping so early but tonight would be an exception.

So you kept your attention up by having music play softly in the room because you always needed peace and quiet to sleep so surely you won’t fall asleep.

With much luck, you stayed awake just head on your pillow with the soft blanket covering your body when suddenly the familiar sound of a portal popping up quickly caught your attention.

You closed your eyes and prayed he didn’t know you were awake. You then heard his slow and quiet footsteps as they made their way over to your side of the bed.

You then felt his lips leave a soft kiss on your forehead before quickly disappearing. He walked towards your closet and you were internally freaking out that he was doing this.

Suddenly you sit up on the bed and eyes now open, shocked to see Miguel throwing in an old used pair of your panties and grabbing the one from the top. Only to first give it a small sniff before sighing. Holy shit-

You cleared your throat which made Miguel freeze but it was too late to do anything.

“It’s not what it looks like-“ he starts but you just wave him off.

“You could’ve just told me you know..” you start with a soft tone, not wanting him to get the wrong impression.

“The surprise on my face when I saw you digging through my laundry- you would’ve loved it for sure.” You say and give him a grin which only made him curse under his breath.

He knew the jig was up but you weren’t mad. Seemed more amused than anything.

You beckoned him over and he walked over to your side of the bed while you pet his spot. Without a word being said, he climbed over you then laid down next to you. “Lia wanted me to check our cameras because she was robbed last night…” you say and he sighs somehow already defeated.

“Don’t worry love, I'm not mad or upset, it just came as a shock.” You explain and he chuckles.

“It shocked me as well, honestly.” He replied as you nodded and flipped to lay on your side while facing him.

“Hm why’s that?” You ask and swing an arm over to lay on his torso.

“Didn’t think I’d like it so much.” He answers truthfully as you trace along his covered abs slowly.

“What do you like about it?” You press, lowering your hand down as his breathing becomes more rapid.

“Your smell- the arousal.” He mutters while gripping your used panties with his left hand.

You hum and scoot closer to him, making sure you are touching. You lean in and kiss his right bicep while your hand went even lower, staying put right above where his already aching bulge was. “I don’t mind it y’know…” You whisper as he starts to breathe heavily.

“You’re too good to me.” He murmurs, looking at you with only one thing in his mind.

“I try.” You whisper and start to palm him over his suit.

Within seconds he quickly pressed a button on his watch and his suit disappeared making you touch his cock. You looked up at him and he looked like he was going to combust any second.

You then looked down and his tip was already leaking which didn’t come as much of a surprise. “Maybe you should show me how you do it.” You whisper, earning yourself a groan as you slowly stroked him.

He brought his left hand up with your panties to his nose then put his right hand on top of yours, moving your hand up and down his cock.

You sit up a little and lean over to let some drool fall from your mouth down to the tip, slowly trickling down while you go back to your previous position.

You link your left arm to his right while you make sure every inch of his cock is wet. You look up at him and see him with his eyes closed, mouth opened in the shape of an o while you’re still stroking him at the pace he set.

His nose was buried in your panties, most likely still stained with your slick from seeing the camera footage over and over again. “Bet you looked so good doing this in your office.” You murmur, making him moan and sink back into the pillow.

He thrusted his hips up and made you move your hand faster now as his moans become louder. You moaned along with him purely just because he sounded so good and he loves your moans. You leaned up and whispered more dirty nothings while he started to groan and squirm around.

“Don’t tell me you already wanna cum baby…” You tease softly, making him chuckle.

His eyes opened again and he locked eyes with you while you fluttered lashes innocently. “You’re killing me.” He groans and you shrug.

“I’m sure you’ll be fine.” You mutter and look down, attentively watching the way his cock was moving.

It looked so pretty and those delicious moans had you wishing you caught him doing this sooner. They sounded so needy and in a way, greedy.

You could tell he wanted more just by the way he couldn’t stay laying down but it was fine, only made it more fun for you.

“Stay still baby.” You utter, looking up to see him playfully rolling his eyes at you.

The tables have now changed considering the endless amount of times he’d tell you to stay still and couldn’t.

An idea then came to mind and you pulled your hand away before quickly taking off the little thong you were wearing which was unsurprisingly soaked.

You then grab the pair he had to his nose and pass him the thong before going down, starting to stroke him with your used panties.

“Bet you’ve done this too huh?” You purred to which he just moaned and feverishly nodded.

His thighs began to shake and he leaned his head against his shoulder which prompted you to lean up to gently kiss his cheek a few times. More dirty words left your mouth as you stroked him at a faster pace, this time wanting him to cum undone.

“Such a perv.”

“Just couldn’t help it huh?”

“Needed me so badly..”

This wasn’t the way Miguel imagined this would go at all but he absolutely was far from complaining. In his head this counted as the best case scenario to which he was grateful for.

So he couldn’t be blamed when your words, smell, kisses, and hand overwhelmed his body.

He groaned as his cum shot out and went straight down to cover your panties and hand. It was so cum some also made its way down to his thighs.

Your forehead was leaning against his as he tried to calm his breathing down and you were slowing down, letting him ride out his high.

You pressed your lips softly onto his and he kissed back just as softly. You let his cock go and lay your hand against his stomach. “Was that good?” You murmured, making him scoff.

“Shut up.” He muttered before kissing you more passionately, a hand coming up to cup your jaw gently while his breathing became more steady again.

You pulled away and looked into his eyes, “next time just let me know when you’ll be stealing a pair.” You tease as a laugh escapes his lips.

“Yeah, I might just have to.” He says with a small smile on his face before his eyes slowly start to flutter.

[pedrospatch]

to hell and back l one

Post Outbreak! Joel Miller x Female Reader

series masterlist l main masterlist l next chapter

summary: After escaping a group of brutal slavers, you are left with permanent physical and emotional scars. Unwilling to put your trust in another human being ever again, you spend a year fighting for survival alone in the post outbreak world. But when you choose to save the life of a man named Joel Miller, the wall that you’ve built to protect yourself slowly begins to crumble.

warnings/tags: 18+ ONLY MINORS DNI. canon violence, canon language, brief mentions of slavers, brutality, torture, assault, guns, reader is an archer, mentions of hunting, animal death, injured/unconscious Joel, very minor mentions of blood, age gap (reader is 30, Joel is 56) very brief mention of scars, reader does not/cannot speak at times, a lot of internal dialogue from reader, at one point reader does try to speak to Joel but she is unable. *please be advised that no specific diagnosis is used or will be mentioned, i’m writing the series with the idea that reader herself cannot fully comprehend her inability to speak at times. basically the gist of it is we have a very traumatized person who does not realize just how traumatized she is.

word count: 8.2k (good lord I am so sorry)

a/n: not a whole lot to say except for that this is...different. at least i think it is, i could be wrong lmao. this is by far one of the most challenging things i have ever decided to write, but hopefully it turned out okay

California l Fall, 2023

You’d been on the run since dawn.

It was several hours later now and nightfall was approaching—and it was approaching a hell of a lot fucking faster than you could have even anticipated. The darkness was quickly closing in, falling around you like a velvet black curtain. However, stumbling around blindly in the dark was currently the very least of your worries. 

Your feet were raw, both completely blistered and bleeding through your socks inside of your worn out, muddied white canvas sneakers. Your sore, aching legs screamed out for mercy and your knees trembled violently, threatening to buckle out from underneath the weight of your body at any given moment. 

In the week and a half leading up to your escape from captivity, you’d been deprived of both food and water—it had been your punishment for closing your eyes and turning your head away after you’d been instructed by the slavers to watch their brutal assault of the young teenaged girl that you had been sharing a cage with. She’d been unable to keep up with her work duties, and they had decided to make an example out of her.

Despite still having been forced to witness the horrendous, unspeakable things they’d done to that poor girl, your initial resistance resulted in you being beaten and then starved for several days. Occasionally, one of the late night guards would try and bribe you, offering a small piece of jerky or a couple of stale crackers in exchange for a blowjob. At first, you told him you’d rather cut your own tongue out with a rusty blade than suck his dick, but when he proposed the disgusting, vile trade again just a couple of nights later, you’d accepted it—because him pulling you out of that fucking cage after hours and removing the tight shackles from your wrists when no one else was around would give you the chance to finally make a run for it.

You swung yourself around the nearest redwood tree, slumping back against its thick, wide trunk. You covered your mouth with your two hands in an attempt to silence the sound of your heavy panting. 

Besides being in pain, malnourished and severely dehydrated, the exhaustion was starting to set in too. The adrenaline pumping through your veins had brought you this far, but exactly how much farther could it take you? How much longer could it possibly keep you going before your tired body decided to give up and give out?

Somewhere behind you, you could hear the men calling out cheerfully.

One sang out, “Come out, come out, wherever you are!”

“Come out and plaaaaay,” a second taunted.

The third shouted, “We’re gonna get you!”

Their giddiness made you want to vomit. If your stomach hadn’t been empty, you would have.

Those sick, twisted fucks weren’t letting up. 

They’d been on your heels for hours.

The large group of slavers in California were over two hundred strong and had dozens of prisoners chained up in their human cages—they had more than enough people to force into labor. There was no need for them to waste their time and efforts going after you, but after spending the last eight months witnessing firsthand how these sadistic bastards operated, it occurred to you that their desire to recapture you wasn’t out of a need for labor. It was for their entertainment. 

They were hunting you down for sport.

This was their idea of fun.

“Fuck,” you whispered underneath your breath, your hands falling down to your sides.

Something had to give.

Your legs, your body, your will to live.

Perhaps all of the above.

You couldn’t keep on running for much longer.

And even if you could, where the hell were you supposed to go? How were you supposed to get there?

You had no food, no water, and no weapon.

Just the torn, tattered clothes on your back.

You were defenseless against whatever else was out there and you couldn’t see yourself surviving longer than a couple of days at most.

There was a part of you that wanted to give up and surrender. If you could be absolutely certain that they would shoot you dead on the spot, you would actually consider it and step out from behind the tree—hell, you would happily let them put a bullet between your eyes and put you out of your misery once and for all. But they wouldn’t be so generous. You knew they would have their way with you here in the middle of this forest and only after they were done would they take you back to their settlement where they’d put you right back in shackles so the real torture could begin. Just like that teenaged girl, the slavers would make an example out of you so that nobody else in their right mind would even think about running away. 

They would be sure to make your death as slow and as agonizing as possible.  

No. If you were going to die, then you were going to die. But fucking not like that.

Hearing them draw closer towards where you’d been hiding, you pushed yourself away from the redwood and willed yourself to keep on going.

Wyoming l Fall 2024

Your eyes softly flutter open.

Bright, early morning sunlight filters in through the ripped, white lace curtains that hang over the small, square shaped window right above your head. 

Blinking the sleep away, you prop yourself up slightly on your elbows and take a glance around at your surroundings. The old, abandoned cabin that you’d stumbled across just a couple of days ago is tiny, cramped, and crumbling. It also reeks—it smells damp, musty, and earthy, like rotting wood. But beggars can’t be choosers and you are certainly in no position to be a chooser right now. It’s not what you consider to be ideal, but it’s four walls and a roof, which is more than anyone can ask for. It’s sparsely furnished with a table and two chairs, an old wood burning stove you had been too afraid to light because you didn’t want to risk setting the place on fire, and there’s even a small, twin sized bed for you to sleep on. Well, perhaps calling it a bed was a tad bit too generous. It’s really just a mattress sitting on four large concrete blocks. It’s rough, dirty, and torn with rusted springs and bits of fluff sticking out from every corner. Still, it sure as fuck beat the hell out of sleeping outside in the dirt and using a rock as a pillow.

Besides the luxury of having something close to a proper roof to sleep under, there’s also a lake just two and a half miles north of the cabin where you had been able to fill your canteen with fresh water. Not to mention, you’d also been able to bathe and wash your clothes for the first time in a couple of weeks. You had been on your own for about a year now, and this was the luckiest you’ve gotten in terms of finding a decent place to stay.

Whether or not it’s safe, it was still too early to tell. 

Sure, you were out somewhere in the middle of bumfuck nowhere and hadn’t seen a single soul, living or dead, in a couple of months now. But that still didn’t mean that running into the infected or other people wasn’t a possibility. Letting your guard down was risky. Too risky. 

You swing your legs over the side of the mattress and sit up, slipping on your pair of warm, wool socks before tugging on your boots—you’d found them over the summer and even though they had been about one size too small for you, you’d managed to break them in since then and the supple brown leather now molds almost perfectly to your feet. You stand up and lift your arms up above your head while simultaneously twisting your stiff, sore back in a painful, but much needed stretch. You’re only just a couple of months shy of turning thirty years old, but lately, your bones snap, crackle and pop with each and every movement, making you feel twice your actual age. 

The thought of it makes you snort in amusement. You should be so lucky to stay alive long enough to see the age of sixty. Hell, you’re still unable to fathom how you’d even made it this close to seeing thirty.

Dropping your arms back down to your sides, you make your way over to your khaki colored pack and pull out your aluminum canteen from one of the side pockets. You twist off the cap and gulp back a long, cool drink of water, hoping to get rid of the dryness in your mouth and the cracks in your chapped lips. As soon as the liquid makes it all the way down to the pit of your stomach, the hollow, muscular organ grumbles loudly, demanding food. You’d had some decent luck while out hunting the previous morning, capturing two wild rabbits—you had eagerly skinned, cleaned and cooked them both, devouring one right after the other so fast that it had nearly made you sick. It had been a pretty decent meal, but not nearly enough to completely satisfy your ravenous hunger. Prior to finding the cabin and settling in, you had been living off of a couple handfuls of nuts and berries for three days while on the move. You were still fucking starving and all you could do was pray that you’d find more rabbits today. 

Maybe you’d get even luckier and spot a pheasant. It was their season, after all. 

You drink some more water and set your canteen aside. You’d planned to return to the lake later in the afternoon to refill it as well as to have another bath. You pull on your faded, black denim jacket over your hoodie and pick up the wooden bow and brown leather quiver of arrows sitting beside your pack. You’d found the weapon in some hunting shop back in Utah that had already been picked clean to the bone over the last couple of decades. However, no one had even bothered with taking the bow. It hadn’t really surprised you, though. In the post outbreak world, a bow and arrow would do absolutely nothing to protect against the infected runners and stalkers—and it would do much less to protect against clickers unless your aim was flawless.

Still, a bow was useful in its own right. 

It was perfect for hunting game. It was silent, keeping you and your location concealed from potential passersby at all times. Most importantly, you could reuse your arrows so long as you were careful and didn’t break them while removing them from your kills—and in the event that you did happen to snap an arrow, all you had to do was salvage what you could from the damaged projectile and make a new one. Simple as that. 

Your father had taught you how before he’d died.

“Why bother with a bow? What about a gun?” you had asked him. 

“Might not always be able to get your hands on a gun,” he’d replied as he sharpened an edge of the small, thumb sized rock in his hand. “Or bullets. It doesn’t hurt to have alternatives in the event that you can’t get your hands on either of those things, kiddo.” Despite being in your mid twenties at the time, he’d still always call you kiddo. “Always have a backup weapon, alright?”

He’d been wise to give you that advice.

You did have a firearm, a colt pistol that you hardly have ammunition for. There were ten rounds left in the clip and with no luck in finding any more in the last couple of months, you’d decided to preserve them, saving what little bullets you had left for a real emergency. You kept the gun tucked into the waistband of your jeans at all times, along with the sharp switchblade that you used to gut and skin game. As far as weapons go, you sure as hell could’ve been a lot worse off. But if you happened to stumble upon more ammunition for your gun, you certainly wouldn’t complain about it. 

Slinging your bow and the quiver of arrows over your shoulder, you grab the dark gray foraging bag that you used to collect and carry your kills in and leave the cabin, feeling somewhat confident enough to leave the remainder of your belongings behind instead of hauling them all along with you like you had the morning before. It wasn’t that you feared someone would come along and steal them. There wasn’t really anything for anyone to steal, anyway. Rather, you’d gotten so damn used to the instability and the constant moving around—you never stayed in one place for too long and were always prepared to run. But today, you decide to leave your things in the cabin, feeling certain that you would return in just a couple of hours. 

You step out onto the creaking, three step porch that’s so old it buckles slightly under your weight and a gentle breeze nips at your cheeks and nose. It’s the middle of autumn in Wyoming and the air outside is fresh, cool and crisp. Winter was looming right around the corner like a dark shadow, and although you’d somehow managed to make it through the previous year’s brutal snow season, that didn’t do much to stop you from being nervous about the one that was to come. If all went according to your plan, you’d be holing yourself up in that shoddy little cabin until the worst of winter was over and then you would move along.

To where?

You didn’t have the slightest fucking clue. 

You make a short trek about two miles south, going in the opposite direction of the lake and finding yourself closer to the thick forest trees that surrounded the base of the mountain range out in the distance instead. There’s a dried, grassy clearing just feet from the entrance of the forest—finding a single, decently sized boulder in the middle of the wide, open space, you decide that behind it is the perfect spot for you to set up and hope for the best. Carefully setting your things down on the ground, you pull out a pair of old, cracked binoculars from your bag. You lean your body over the smooth, round top of the rock and lift them up to your face, peeking through the lenses. You hope to spot something right away because it sure would be fucking nice to eat something sooner rather than later. Otherwise you might just start gnawing at your own arm. 

Diligently, you scan your surroundings for any and all signs of wildlife. 

That’s when you see it, standing near the edge of the woods.

You gasp softly as your sights fall upon the deer. 

Pulling your face away from your binoculars, you blink furiously before taking another look just to be sure that your eyes hadn’t been playing tricks on you. It’s not a hallucination. It’s a white tailed deer, a female, and from the look of her, she has to be at least about a hundred pounds. At least.

You try to not get too far ahead of yourself, but it’s far too late. The thought of finding some herbs and making a hot, venison stew for supper makes your mouth water. The rest of the meat could be dried out and made into a batch of jerky that could feed you for months. Months.

Then, you suddenly remember you’ve never even attempted to bring down an animal of that size before and you’re slapped back into reality.

You think about your father, who would bring home a deer every weekend after going on his hunting trips with some of his old college buddies. “You want to aim for the heart or the lungs,” he’d say as you and your siblings would watch him dress the carcass, much to your mother’s chagrin. “Look between the shoulder blade and the last rib,” he would tell you and your brothers. You’d also had an older sister, but she had always been incredibly squeamish and had a soul that was much too sweet and caring for hunting. She would always want to bring home every animal your father shot and nurse it back to health. “Somewhere between those two lies everything you need to hit in order to do the job and do it well. And for the love of god, don’t you ever aim directly for the shoulder. Behind it, kiddos, always aim behind it. You got it?”

“Yes Papa,” you’d all chime out together.

Setting down the binoculars in your hands, you reach for your bow and pluck an arrow from your quiver before stepping out from behind the boulder. You’re careful to be as silent as possible as you take a few steps closer towards the unsuspecting grazing animal. You position yourself and stand perpendicular to the deer, placing your feet shoulder width apart—you’re a little farther from your target than you would have preferred, but you don’t want to risk going any closer and scaring her off, so it would have to do. Once you feel comfortable enough with your stance, you nock the arrow and set it on the string. You then hold the string and steady your grip on the bow, relaxing your shoulders before drawing it and pulling your arm back until you’ve reached your anchor point, which is always the corner of your mouth. 

Breathe, you remind yourself calmly as you aim at the delicate spot behind her shoulder blade. Nice and slow. Breathe.

Just as you’re about to release the arrow and take your shot, the deer whips her head back towards the trees and her ears prick forward—a split second later, she darts off, zooming across the field in the opposite direction of where you’d been standing. 

Your mouth falls open in disbelief. 

“Are you fucking shitting me?” you mutter under your breath.

Frustrated, you lower your weapon and just as you start to contemplate whether or not it’s even worth it to try and hunt her down on foot, you suddenly hear something—it isn’t until the noise draws closer to where you’re standing that you realize it’s the sound of a galloping horse.

Perplexed, you squint over in the direction of where you think it’s coming from, right near the edge of the trees. Then, just a moment later, a brown stallion emerges from the woods with a dark haired man riding in his saddle. He holds a rifle in one hand and clutches the reins tightly in the other. 

Gasping, you whirl around on the heel of your boot and immediately make a beeline back to the boulder. You swing around the rock and crouch down, ducking out of his sight. You couldn’t be too sure if he’d seen you or not, but it doesn’t matter—a wave of sheer panic washes over you and you can physically feel your own body preparing itself to go into fight or flight mode. Despite having your gun tucked into the waistband of your jeans, you still haven’t reached for it and continue to clutch your bow and arrow in your hands instead. 

Swallowing dryly, you turn and carefully lift yourself up just enough so that you can glimpse over the top of the boulder. That’s when you see a second man emerge from the woods. This one is blond and he is on foot instead of a horse. He’s also armed, carrying a shotgun. 

“You’re mine you fucking son of a bitch!” he shouts. He lifts his weapon, aims, and then squeezes the trigger, shooting the horse in the side and bringing him down instantly. His rider goes flying off and he hits the ground several feet away from the dead animal, landing so painfully hard that even from a distance you’d manage to hear the loud, cracking sound his body had made upon impact.

You momentarily freeze. 

Your heart anxiously jumps up into your throat as you watch the shooter begin to approach him. The attacker moves slowly and with no haste seeing as his helpless victim is lying there motionless on the ground with his eyes closed and no idea that he’s about to die. The blond man comes to a halt just a few feet away from him, grinning as he lifts his shotgun once again and points the barrel of it at the other man’s head. His index finger hovers over the trigger. 

Before your mind and body can even make the connection, you rise to your feet and aim your bow, swiftly sending an arrow straight through the blond man’s neck. He crumples, falling to the ground writhing and squirming as he bleeds out in less than sixty seconds.

You wait it out for another minute, refusing to move another muscle until his body finally goes limp and you are certain he’s dead. Taking a look around, you make sure the coast is clear and grab your belongings, slinging them over your shoulder before you make your way over to the scene. Unsure of whether or not there could be others heading in this direction, your plan was to pick off their guns and any other useful supplies before making a run for it back to the cabin. You crouch down beside the man you’d shot and killed, carefully pulling your arrow out of his neck. It makes a loud, horrid squelching sound as you remove it and blood from his jugular splatters your blue jeans. You then pick up his shotgun and check the chamber for ammunition. 

Just like the pistol tucked away in your waistband, there’s hardly any rounds left, making it all but useless. Rolling your eyes, you carelessly drop the gun on top of his chest and move on in search of the rifle. You spot it right beside the dark haired man.

Apprehensive, you cautiously make your way over towards him. With how still he had been lying, you could have sworn he was gone—perhaps the fall off of his horse alone had killed him. But just to be sure, you decide to give his side a harsh nudge with the toe of your boot. 

He groans and his head rolls to the side.

He’s still alive.

You effortlessly string the bloodied arrow in your hand and aim it right at his chest.

Move again and you’re dead, motherfucker.

“Ellie,” the man mumbles, his eyes still closed.

Ellie?

You slowly lower your bow.

Without realizing it, a little bit of your guard lowers along with it. 

Carefully, you sink down onto one knee next to the man and get a better look at him. He’s much older than yourself, somewhere in his fifties if you had to guess. He has harsh forehead lines, deep creases in between his eyebrows, a patchy beard that is speckled with many, many grays, and wild waves of thick hair that look soft to the touch. Though some of his features are a little worse for wear due to his age, he’s still quite a handsome man from what you can see. He also appears to be in decent shape, clean and well fed, and you detect the light scent of laundry soap on his clothes. Surely, he had to have been part of some kind of group, and judging by the leather trimmed saddle on his horse, this group was one that was very well off in this post outbreak world. 

You hesitate, but then lift a slightly trembling hand and take the side of his face, cupping it in your palm as you turn his head towards you. 

There’s blood on his right temple and your fingers reach up to touch what you had assumed was the source of the bleeding—but then you realize it was a scar, maybe an inch or two in length at most and completely healed. Your fingers trail up even further and venture into his hair which, as it turned out, is in fact just as soft as one would imagine. You find a small gash on his scalp and your fingers become coated in the man’s blood.

Must’ve hit himself on a rock or something.

Your hand leaves his hair and you place it on his broad chest as you begin checking him over for any other potential injuries or wounds. Slipping your opposite hand inside of his brown jacket, you lift the hem of the dark green thermal henley he’s wearing and you discover the scar on his temple isn’t the only one he possesses—he has several more, way too many for you to count on one hand alone. You’re so preoccupied with inspecting the remainder of his abdomen that you don’t even notice the way one of his hands is slowly reaching for yours, the hand that’s still resting on his chest, right over his heartbeat.

Semiconscious, the man takes your hand in his so damn gently that it startles you and takes you by surprise, but it doesn’t frighten you. Weakly, he laces his fingers together with your own and he speaks again, uttering softly, “Babygirl.”

Puzzled, your eyebrows knit together.

It almost sounds like he’s pleading.

For what—for who? For Ellie?

Is she the babygirl he’s referring to?

Your other hand moves up to his shoulder and you give it a violent shake. 

Hey, you’ve got to get up now.

“H—” You try to speak the words, but can’t. They’re formed in your mind and it feels like they are right there on the very tip of your tongue, but when you open your mouth, they refuse to come out. You frown.

It’s happened before. 

In the spring, you’d stumbled across a small group of people while out hunting in Idaho—it was the first time you had seen other human beings since leaving California in the fall. There had been both men and women and they even had children with them, but that did nothing to stop you from panicking when they’d approached you. One of the women cornered you, trying to tell you that they were traveling across the country to the east coast. “It’s okay,” she’d tried to tell you, holding up her hands. “We’re not bad people, I promise. We’re just trying to get to the quarantine zone in Boston. I think you should come with us, honey.”

You’d been so terrified that when you’d tried to tell her that you didn’t want to join them, you couldn’t push the words out. It felt like your voice had gotten stuck in the back of your throat. That’s how afraid you’d been.

Technically, you can speak.

You’d talk to yourself often when you were feeling lonely. You would read the books you carried in your pack out loud. Hell, you even liked to sing.

But whenever you became stressed, anxious, or scared, it would happen. You’d lose your ability to speak and to communicate—not that you had anyone to communicate with except for yourself, but that’s besides the point. No matter how hard you tried to force your vocal cords, all you could get out were quiet, strangled noises. It was as if your own fears chased your voice away and during periods when you were under extreme distress, it would take several days for you to find it again. Maybe it had something to do with the fact that, whenever you used your voice back in California, it only led to the harshest of punishments. 

A gunshot sounds off in the distance, snapping you out of your train of thought.

You shake the man again, harder this time.

Come on, get up! They could be coming this way!

It’s useless. He’s losing complete consciousness. 

You hear another gunshot and this one sounds like it’s coming from the base of the mountain range on the other side of the trees, not all too far from where you are. For all you know, it could very well be members of his own group who are firing those weapons out there. But whether it was his group or the other man’s group, it doesn’t really fucking matter. You don’t want to run into either one of them, regardless of who were the good guys and who were the bad guys. In your eyes, everyone’s a fucking bad guy. 

Yanking your hand out of his, you get to your feet and prepare to make a run for it. But just as you’re about to take off, the man mumbles one last time. It’s incoherent and barely audible, but you manage to catch that name again. Ellie. 

Ellie, Ellie, Ellie.

For some reason you can’t quite explain, that sweet little name bounces around in the inside of your skull. 

You chew the inside of your cheek anxiously. 

If it’s his group out there, they’ll save him.

If it’s the other man’s group, they’ll kill him.

Normally, you’d have no problem with the idea of leaving another person to die.

After everything that happened in California, you had lost your sense of humanity. Your ability to empathize and actually give a shit about other people had been long gone—or so you’d thought. But you had just saved this man’s life and now you find yourself unwilling to run the risk of leaving him for dead. And you don’t have the slightest fucking clue as to why. He’s a stranger. He shouldn’t matter to you. 

You exhale a heavy sigh of defeat.

Okay, how the fuck do I do this?

Without much time left to waste, you gather up your belongings over your shoulder and pick up his rifle, slinging the brown leather strap across your chest so the gun rests comfortably against your backside. You walk around him, lean over, and hook your arms securely underneath his. Using every ounce of physical strength you have inside of you, you start dragging him back to the cabin as fast as you possibly can.

The pretty melody fills his ears as he comes to.

“Somewhere over the rainbow, way up high

there’s a land that I heard of once in a lullaby…”

Joel Miller isn’t all too sure if heaven is a real place that actually exists, but the very minute he hears the feminine voice singing, he can’t help but think he’s died and that’s exactly where he’s gone—because only an angel could possibly have a voice like that. So rich, so smooth, and oh so sickeningly sweet.

“Somewhere over the rainbow, skies are blue...”

The ballad being sung is all too familiar to him.

The Wizard of Oz had been Sarah’s favorite movie back when she had been a little girl, when she was seven years old and she still believed in princesses and fairy tales and faraway lands with yellow brick roads. Even when she grew older, his daughter continued to hold a soft spot for the film and Joel would watch it with her every Thanksgiving at his parents’ house right after their dinner—it would air on cable and Sarah would beg him to let her have her slice of pecan pie while sitting cross legged on the floor in front of his old man’s television set.

“So long as you don’t make a mess on Nana and PopPop’s carpet,” he’d warn her. “Deal?”

Sarah would beam at him and nod eagerly. “Deal!”

He’d grab his own slice of pie, park it right on the couch behind her, and together they would get lost in the whimsical world of Oz, although admittedly he’d usually fall deep into his food coma long before Dorothy had the chance to make it back home to Kansas.  

“Where troubles melt like lemon drops

away above the chimney tops 

that’s where you’ll find me...”

The words fade and the rest of the song is now being hummed.

Goddamn, he thinks.Even the humming is too fucking beautiful.

Joel feels a cold, damp cloth dabbing at his sore right temple.

Come to think of it, everything is fucking sore. 

Once, when Joel had been in his mid twenties, he had been doing some under the table roofing job with his younger brother, Tommy. It had been the hottest day of the summer in Texas, and the two of them thought having a couple cold beers with their lunch to cool off would be a good idea. The pair of them went back to work and started fucking around, goofing off like the drunk idiots they were. While horsing around, Joel accidentally stumbled right over the edge of the roof and he had fallen about fifteen feet to the ground, landing on his back on Mrs. Adler’s lawn. Luckily, he’d been okay after the fall and hadn’t sustained any serious injuries or broken any bones, but he had spent the following three to four weeks feeling like he’d been hit by a fucking Greyhound.

That’s how he felt now.

Like he’d been hit by a fucking bus. Twice. There isn’t a single part of him that isn’t pulsating with pain—his back, his shoulders, and his head. Oh god, his head feels the worst. It’s fucking killing him. 

Joel’s eyelids twitch and he cracks them open ever so slightly, just enough that he can see the silhouette of another person hovering over him. He feels a hand at the crown of his head as the other continues to dab at his temple with the cool cloth. It feels incredible against his warm skin and even sort of soothes the pain.

He lets out a small groan and the humming ceases.

Finally, he manages to force his eyes open.

Joel hears a little gasp and the bed he’s lying on squeaks and shifts. He then hears a loud thumping sound as if something, or someone had fallen to the floor. 

Although he’s still disoriented and his entire body aches with even the slightest movement, Joel manages to push himself up into a sitting position. Blinking rapidly, his blurred vision steadies itself after a minute and he glances around. He’s in a small, single room wooden cabin that has seen better days in its lifetime. Looking down, he sees that he’s lying on a bare, worn out mattress with his own jacket draped over him like a blanket. He racks his mildly concussed brain, trying to recollect what had happened—it takes him a minute, but one by one, the memories start flooding back to him. Joel had been leading mid morning patrol with Tommy when they had been ambushed by a large group of hostile raiders. He remembers shouting at his brother, telling him that he’d try and lead some of them off, away from the direction of their community. He’d succeeded and managed to pick off a few of the bastards that had been tailing him with his rifle, all except for one. The very last thing that he remembered was the sound of a gunshot behind him before his horse went down and he’d been thrown off and knocked out.

Everything after that was nothing but a blur.

Joel takes another look around the cabin and that’s when he sees you.

You’re on the floor, backed up against the wall near the foot of the mattress. Your eyes are wide and round, like a deer caught in the headlights. Your chest heaves, rising and falling rapidly—you remind him of a helpless, frightened animal that had been cornered by a vicious predator. You clutch the handle of a switchblade up against your chest with the blade pointing downwards, holding it so tightly in your hand that Joel can see the skin stretching tightly over your knuckles. 

“Who the hell are you?” He grimaces slightly, his own voice causing his head to throb. 

You don’t reply.

Joel moves onto his next question. “Where am I?”

Again, no response.

He tries again. “Are you alone?”

Silence. 

Joel takes a better look at you.

You’re young. You couldn’t have been older than your late twenties, perhaps even your early thirties although that might have been a bit of a stretch. You had that look about you, one that had become all but too familiar to him in the last two decades—the exhausted appearance of someone trying to survive in the post outbreak world. Your face is tired and worn, but somehow still soft and youthful at the same time. You might have looked a little rough around the edges, but you’re still the prettiest goddamn thing he’s seen in a long, long time. 

Joel speaks again. “Who are you? Where the hell are we?” When he’s met with complete silence for the fourth time, he raises an eyebrow, feeling annoyed. “You gonna fuckin’ say somethin’ or what?”

You can only stare at him, your fingers wrapped around the handle of your knife in a vice-like grip.

Joel frowns.

Are you really that fucking terrified of him?

Or perhaps you can’t hear?

Only one way to find out, he thinks to himself.

He raises his voice, asking once again, “Who are you? Where are we?”

You wince, your features twisting in discomfort.

Oh, you could fucking hear him, alright. 

Joel swings his legs over the side of the mattress, his movement causing you to shrink back further against the wall, almost as if you were trying to become a part of the old, rotted wood. He holds up his two hands, demonstrating that he has no plans to move another muscle towards you. “How long have I been out?”

He tries to show some patience and gives you a minute, gives you a chance to respond, but when you say nothing, he can’t help but sigh out in frustration. Just when he’s about to force himself to come to terms with the fact that he wouldn’t be getting any kind of answers out of you, you lift your free hand and hold up three trembling fingers. 

His stomach sinks. “Three days? I’ve been out for three fuckin’ days?”

You give him a nod so tiny and so subtle that he would’ve missed it had he blinked.

“Fuck,” Joel curses, hanging his head. He begins to spiral.

What happened to Tommy? And the others? 

Did they make it out alive?

And then Ellie’s face flashes in his mind, causing the blood in his veins to run ice cold. 

What could she possibly be thinking right now after he’d been missing for three whole days? Who was taking care of her and looking after her while he wasn’t there?

He needed to get back to Jackson—he needed to get back to Ellie.

He wasn’t sure how he would be able to do that if you didn’t start talking soon and answering his goddamn questions.

Lifting his head, Joel looks over at you again. 

“You all by yourself?”

You hesitate, but then nod in reply. Yes.

Joel sighs, his tense shoulders relaxing. That’s a start. “Listen, I’m gonna need a little help here, alright? I don’t remember much ‘bout what happened. I’m part of a community. I was out on patrol with my group when we were attacked by raiders. There were too many of them and I tried to lead some of them away,” he explains. He might not have known what had happened after he’d been thrown off of his horse, but the fact that he’s in your cabin and he’s alive help him piece at least one part of the puzzle together. “Wait a minute. Did you—did you save me out there?”

Sucking in your bottom lip, you nod again.

Stunned, Joel’s eyebrows raise up towards his hairline. “You fuckin’ serious?” he can’t help but question in complete and utter disbelief. Skeptically, he presses, “But how? What happened out there? How did you get me here all by yourself?” His queries spill from his lips one after the other despite knowing most of them, if not all of them, would go unanswered.

You look overwhelmed by them—by him.

Figuring it’s best to take it one slow step at a time, Joel stands up and he cautiously walks over towards you. He holds out his hand. “S’alright,” he assures you in the most gentle voice he can muster. “I ain’t gonna hurt you.”

You refuse to loosen your grip on your knife, but you accept his hand and allow him to help you up to your feet. Given that you didn’t lodge the blade straight through his chest, Joel would say some progress had been made. 

He releases your hand and takes a step backwards to give you your space. He isn’t too sure if you can’t talk or simply don’t want to talk—still thinking you’d been the woman he’d heard singing when he had drifted back into consciousness, he guesses it’s probably the latter. 

Joel tries to think of questions he knows you’ll be able to answer without having to speak. 

“How long have you been by yourself?”

Shifting anxiously from one foot to the other, you hold up one finger. 

“Sorry darlin’ but that don’t really help me much,” he mutters, shaking his head. “Are we talkin’ one week? One month?”

You make a gesture with your hand. Keep going.

“One year?” He doesn’t bother hiding his blatant skepticism. “You’ve been completely alone for one whole year?”

You point at him. That’s right. 

Joel is beside himself. He’s almost in awe over the fact that you’ve survived on your own for so fucking long.

“You got any other weapons besides that knife?”

You nod over towards a bow and sheath of arrows next to your backpack.

“You’re kiddin’ me. That’s all you’ve got?”

You narrow your eyes at him.

Hey, it’s a good weapon and it saved your fucking life, thank you very much.

“Sorry. Just can’t imagine that thing would do much against a clicker. ‘Specially if your aim is shit,” Joel muses. He notices the offended expression on your face and quickly moves on. “You don’t have a gun at all?”

You reach behind yourself and pull out a colt pistol from the waistband of your jeans. You finally set down your knife and then show him that you’re low on ammunition and don’t have any more. Tucking the gun back into your jeans, you step around him and walk over to a corner where his rifle is propped up against the wall. You pick it up, make your way back over to him and hand it over. 

I believe this belongs to you.

“Thank you,” he utters quietly, taking it from you. “And I ain’t talkin’ ‘bout the gun, either. I honestly don’t think I’d be standin’ here alive if you hadn’t done whatever it was you did out there.” His eyes try meeting yours. “I’m serious, darlin’. I owe you one. I really fuckin’ do.”

You shrug, too timid to meet his gaze.

“I’m Joel,” he says after a minute, setting his rifle down. “What’s your name?”

You simply stare at him.

“Oh that’s right,” Joel mumbles sheepishly. “You can’t—” He stops himself, but he’s sure you know what he’d meant to say.

You can’t talk.

“You got a pencil or somethin’ to write with?”

You snort and roll your eyes at him. No, sorry. Silly me totally forgot to pick up a pack of pencils while I was out scavenging for supplies the other day.

Joel chuckles and holds up his hands in defense. “Figured it was at least worth askin’,” he says. “It’d be kinda nice to know the name of the person who saved my fuckin’ ass, you know.” He clocks the way the corners of your mouth threaten to turn upwards into a tiny smile at his remark. “How ‘bout a map? You got one of those so you can show me where we are?”

You hold up a finger, as if telling him to give you a minute. Digging into one of the front pockets of your pack, you pull out a large map of the state of Wyoming. It’s severely creased, as if you’ve folded and unfolded it hundreds of times. You hand it over to him and as he holds it out for you, you point to your current location. 

“Jackson’s ‘bout fifteen miles south from here,” Joel murmurs as he scans the map. Suddenly, his dark brown eyes flicker over your wrist—the long sleeve of your thin gray shirt had hiked up, exposing severe discoloration and scarring that went all the way around, marking your skin. 

Noticing where his gaze had wandered off to, you quickly retract your hand away from the map and tug your sleeve down back into place. But it’d been much too late. He had seen the mark, clear as fucking day. 

Joel awkwardly clears his throat and for the sake of not causing you any discomfort, he pretends he hadn’t seen a goddamn thing. He turns his attention back to the map. “Remember how I told you I’m a part of a community? It’s in Jackson and it ain’t all too far from here,” he states, peering up at you from over the top of the map. “The town’s gated and it’s secure. You’ll be safe there. If we head out right now, we can make it there by nightfall—”

You back away from him, shaking your head.

I’m not going with you.

He cocks an eyebrow at you. “Look darlin’, I don’t mean to offend, but you ain’t gonna last a whole lot longer out here on your own, especially not in a place like this with winter right around the corner. If you don’t starve to death, then you’ll fuckin’ freeze to death.”

You glare at him and lift your chin.

I’ve been doing just fine on my own, thanks. 

Having read your mind, Joel sighs. “Alright, fair enough. You’ve gotten this far by yourself, but that don’t mean you gotta turn down an offer for some help. Just come with me to Jackson—”

You shake your head even harder.

The last time that you had agreed to go back with a stranger to their camp, you’d been imprisoned. Tortured. 

Joel observes you, and it doesn’t take him very long to connect the dots between the scars around your wrists and your refusal to leave with him. His hard, stony face softens. “Listen sweetheart, I ain’t all too sure ‘bout what’s happened to you,” he says, choosing his words carefully. “But I can assure you that you ain’t gotta worry ‘bout a thing this time around. Just come with me and I’ll prove it to you.”

You toss him a skeptical look.

“Jackson is a safe place,” he swears. “My brother runs it along with his wife and a small council. There’s families, lots of children—hell I’ve got a kid myself. Teenager. Her name is Ellie and she’s fifteen years old.”

Your lips part slightly and your eyes glimmer with something that looks a lot like recognition, though Joel can’t be too sure what had prompted it. Perhaps you’d known someone with that name once in your life. 

“There’s plenty of food, running water, electricity,” he lists off in an attempt to sway you. “It’d be a shot at a normal life. Wouldn’t you like that?”

Crossing your arms, you lift your chin again.

You’d heard that before.

Why the hell should I even trust you? Why should I trust this place is what you say it is?

Joel bites back another frustrated sigh. 

Normally, he wouldn’t bother to put up with such stubbornness. He wasn’t one to plead or beg and part of him almost wanted to give up so he could be on his way, but you had saved him from being killed. He owed you his fucking life. He had to get you to go with him. He wouldn’t give up until you agreed to go to Jackson with him. 

“I’ll let you carry your weapons,” he offers as a compromise. “Hell, you can even walk behind me with your gun pointed at the back of my fuckin’ head if that’s gonna make you feel safest.”

You squint at him. Really?

“Or that bow of yours,” he adds, chuckling softly. “It’s your pick, darlin’. Whatever’s gonna make you feel comfortable. I’ll trust you not to shoot an arrow through the back of my skull—all I ask in return is that you at least make an attempt to trust me too. I think that’s a fair enough deal. Don’t you?”

You bite your bottom lip. 

I don’t know about this.

“I really don’t wanna leave you out here all alone,” Joel says, taking a step closer towards you. He finds himself feeling surprised that it hadn’t startled you and he only hopes that means that, to some degree, you trust him already. “Please. You saved my life—and I know you probably don’t need me savin’ yours, but at least let me take you to Jackson so you can see for yourself what we’ve got goin’ on there. If you don’t like it and you don’t wanna stay, then we’ll load up your pack with food and supplies. We’ll put you on a horse and you can be on your way. You can choose to leave and no one will lift a finger to stop you, I’ll make sure of it. How does that sound?”

He waits, giving you a chance to think it over.

Finally, after a minute, you sigh and reluctantly nodd your head. 

Okay. I’m gonna try and trust you.

“Good,” Joel says, softly. “Now get your stuff and let’s head out before we start losin’ daylight.” 

[xoxoemynn]

For OFMD Tumblr friends who want a S3 and are scared of Twitter

First, no judgment from me. I very much get it. I resisted Twitter for a long time, and even though I'm now a bit more comfortable on it, it's still not my Fandom Home. There are a TON of valid reasons not to be on Twitter, but if you REALLY want to keep OFMD visible right now and help its chances of returning for a third season, Twitter is the best place to do it. Like it or not, Twitter is still the best social media platform for raising awareness and for instant news updates.

Tumblr posts don't make headlines. Topics that have been trending on Twitter do. And if we want this show to come back, we need to make OFMD impossible to ignore.

By now you've probably seen just how close we came to a S3, and if you're like me, you are RAGING and donning your battle jacket. But I get it can be intimidating to get on Twitter for the first time, so I thought I'd address some common anxieties I see. I'll put below a cut because this got a bit long, but I promise it's a quick read.

I don't know what to say! Where do I even start? That's okay! You don't have to create your own tweets (although it's great if you do). Amplifying other people's posts is also important. Go ahead and like/retweet/reply to other people's posts. This may also help you get an idea of what you may like to say in your own tweets.

Hashtags...yes? Yes! Although don't use too many or you may get flagged as a bot. The biggest one that seems to be emerging is #SaveOFMD. Other popular ones are #RenewAsACrew, #RenewOurFlagMeansDeath, and of course, #OFMD and #OurFlagMeansDeath.

Should I just be tagging all the streaming services? Per @renewasacrew, no. It's counterproductive. You'll want to tag one streamer at a time and be specific. Below is an example of a tweet I made the other day -- use specific reasons why that that particular streamer may benefit from picking up OFMD.

I'm scared. People are mean. Yeah, people are mean. But I will say the vibes over at OFMD Twitter are currently the best I've ever seen them. People seem to have united for the greater good and are being overwhelmingly positive and just trying to do whatever we can to save the show. (That said, again, I already had a pretty curated feed, and was very liberal with blocking users/terms I didn't want to see, but I've been able to spend so much more time in the For You tab than I ever have without being jump scared by something.)

But I don't know anyone there! Wouldn't I just be shouting into the void? Not if you use the hashtags! Fans are being really good about following those and engaging with the tweets. Plus, [Stede voice], I'm your friend. I'm xoxoemynn over there as well, I'll follow you back and engage with any of your posts that I see. Plus, what's been REALLY lovely to see is that SO many lurkers have come out of lurkerdom to support the efforts, and they are being welcomed with open arms, so you will not be alone. Again, I am telling you, vibes? Best I've ever seen them.

I can't get sucked into another social media platform, I don't have the time. The beauty here is you don't need to spend a lot of time. I've been on Twitter more in the past week than I have in the entire year I've had an account, and I'm still only on for maybe an hour total the entire day? I open the app, I check a couple accounts, I engage with a handful of posts, and I close the app. It takes all of five minutes. It's an extremely small lift that can have a very big impact.

My bet is on Zaslav expecting us to be upset, and that there may be a day or two of outrage, but then we'd move on. I'm sure right now he's trying to convince everyone that this is a fluke, and that it'll blow over soon. Don't let him win. Keep OFMD in the news. Be loud (but polite) and make Max and other streamers take note of what a passionate, loyal fan base this show has. Make their stocks continue to drop. Make it clear this is NOT just a fluke, it is NOT business as usual. It's a BIG fuck up with lasting consequences.

Twitter, for all its sins, is the best place to do this.

Now let's get our damned show back.

[cloudluvrrr]

Before.

boothill childhood sweetheart headcannons.

—

a/n: A PROMISE IS A PROMISE 🤞🤞🤞 and I delivered 😍💪 srry ab being mia been busy playing splatoon. My bootyhill is almost MAXXED out yall 😛😛.Boothill gives me Adrianne Lenker vibes yk I can’t be the only one help anyways enjoy this 😛 long asf and I don’t believe in proof reading.

— Precyborg: Boothill x g/n reader

tw warning : fluff and sad ending bc we can’t have a happy one according to hoyoverse !! 💕

—

ingyadar - Adrianne Lenker

my kind of women - Mac de Marco

The hitchhikers guide to the galaxy - ARTMS

-

-I feel like you and Boothill would be childhood lovers yk? Like you two were close friends and ended up catching feelings (I would too) always hanging around each other and getting into trouble l together.

-because to me he grew up in a small town with a big family (I think of like those towns in cowboy movies 😭)

-especially in highschool, but not for long. I’d think Boothill dropped out during freshman year(?) to help with his dads but you continued your studies.

-when confronted about it he scoffed and said ‘don’t need no fancy algebra or biology.’ He’d say.

-he’d see you at school (during lunch) and you two would usually hang out after school. Or during festivals or parties.

-scenario-

You two would always sneak away to the lake when it would get boring, giggling and laughing along the way. This time it was during a town festival, everyone in town went so of course no one would notice if two highschools went missing.

So off you two went giggling as you stumbled behind him holding his hand (in a platonic way ofc). “Boothill wait up!” You’d giggle as you slid down the hill. “Hurry or the sheriff will get us!” He’d shout as he helped you up, and the two of you began to splash water on each other. Up until night and his dads caught him with you again

—

-things like that would often happen, anytime one was missing they’d always assume the other would tag along

-your families of course always shipped you two. And knew eventually you’d date (spoilers you do)

- he’d confess to you on a random summer afternoon. While you two sat on his bed in his room

— you two sat on his bed looking around nervously and awkwardly. It was never like this, Boothill would usually say something but he didn’t, he’s open his mouth but nothing came out. His mouth felt dry, unable to confess. But he mustered up the courage.

‘hey.. I, uh” he began before sighing “I really.. really REALLY like you” he finished with a red face as he looked you in the eyes. As you’d giggle nervously and soon turned into a good laugh. “I really like you too Boothill” you said softly kissing his cheek. As he nearly fainted and tackled you into a hug. ‘Finally’ he’d think to himself

-

- now that you two are dating nothing much has changed. Other than kisses and leaving the door open when you two hang out (his dads are concerned about him doing funny stuff to you)

-not a day went by that you wouldn’t be with him, at his house or yours.

-he liked pet names mostly using ‘baby’ or your name.

-he knew how to play guitar they taught him in school, but he learned it on his own and would often serenade to you.

-he’d love cuddling though, in his bed specifically. Yours is too crowed for his liking. (He has one pillow). And play a few records he managed to snag that were imported from a different planet

- the sun painted the sky a pink and orange hue, as your laid in boothills arms dozing off to the soft music in the background. As he whispered sweet nothings to you and some jokes that kept you up giggling. “Your cute you know” he chuckled kissing you temple as she squeezed you

-

-an example of how you’d spend your days, other than teasing and bullying each other 😜

-he was dirt poor. So often he’d ask you for money, which would end up in you hitting his head. But giving in as long as he got you something (most of the time it was burgers 😔)

— up until your graduated, he’d always say how he wanted to leave his dads and live alone with you. So secretly (somehow I don’t know) he’d built a small house with his buddies. ( I feel like you’d move until you were like 20 ig)

-so you’d pack up everything and moved in to the small Cabin. It was small a two small rooms and bathrooms with a big enough kitchen. Also including a farm (of fucking course). Housing his horse, two cows, and a chick coop. A barn dog and cat :3

-you lived comfortably and happily, you’d stay at home and he’s venture off to help others or sell your farm goods.

-he couldn’t propose, he barely had any savings left after buying your couch. So it often got postponed, you didn’t mind (your parents did)

—

-it was a winter night. Boothill was god knows where and you worked in the kitchen making a simple stew. As your pregnant house cat meowed for a piece of beef, you were scolding the cat as Boothill entered the home with a small bundle of blankets in his arms as he closed the door. “Your home.. what’s that?” You’d asked before he walked over showing you the small girl.

“WHOS KID DID YOU KIDNAP” you shouted, startling the little who began to fuss “you idiot I found her..!” He hissed “we don’t have anything for a baby boothill, you know that” you said sighing “I know.. but I couldn’t leave her out there! That’s how my dads found me ya know, aren’t you glad they didn’t leave me to die?” He asked huffing “..sometimes” you shrugged.

—

— there began your journey as parents, you’d sew dresses and onesies for her. As well as ask both of your parents for old baby things, Boothill had a rough time setting up basically everything

‘You can build a house but not a crib’

‘Shut up nerd’

—

You stood outside putting the laundry out to dry on the clothesline. And watched from the corner of your eye the little one and Boothill. As he sat in the shade holding her small guitar he’d made for her, as she sat in the middle and giggled at the kittens playing around her. She’d grown, about 8 months and beginning to walk.

“Da” she said pointing to a certain kitten “yup that’s a kitty” he chuckled watching her gently touch the fluffy ball of fur and giggled. Eventually waddling up to him and falling into his lap as she snuggled him and fell asleep. The sight tugging at your heart strings.

-

-most of your days were spent like that, her playing with the cats. Her waddling around the home or her touching her guitar Boothill made her.

- up until that fateful day, he’d planned to propose to you before he overheard the damn ipc officers joking about burning the town. He didn’t believe it until he saw it. Everything covered in flames, making sure to leave no survivors. And all he could do was watch as the tears fell from his eyes.

- after

he’d often lay in a run down hotel room, in his own head. Admiring the cheap ring he’d finally gotten you, and one you’d never get to wear. Fiddling with it with his metal fingers as he returned it to the small box.

‘I miss you baby’

-

_ 😜😜

STREAM ARTMS 🗣️🗣️🗣️🗣️🗣️🗣️

THIA IS CHAOTIC BUT these r my thoughts

comment like and subscribe 😘😘

I’m not ready for Ruan mei & Argenti rerun 😔💔

my requests open 🤞 look at my pinned post for rules and who I write for 😈😈

[aayakashii]

I wrote this in like 2 hours so I apologize if it's bad but!!! I was struck with inspiration and had to write it + I am a sucker for fics abt dancing because I'm a dancer so ✋️ ANYWAYS

Pairing: Romeo Lucci x MC

Tags: PINING; romeo doesnt accept his feelings; gender neutral MC; the song that is mentioned in this fic is this one

the house never loses

The casino had closed for the night.

Fragments of life were scattered on the floor – pieces of glass, candy wrappers, dirtied pills, crushed beer cans.

Romeo curled his lips in disgust.

Everyone was distasteful. Brute, graceless little things that only served to be his source of income. Couldn't even clean up after themselves, the mindless sheep, blinded by the possibility of being rich quickly.

He wasnt really one to judge, but at least he was smart.

He knew he had to win. He had to be the dealer, the house, no matter the situation. He would never be the customer.

That was how things fall apart.

You lose control, someone else pull the strings of your life and then you trip – and fall. And lose, lose, lose. One bet after the other, golden coins falling through the cracks of the floor underneath you, forever out of reach.

No, he couldn't be anything else besides the dealer, he wouldn't allow otherwise. He had his family as a bitter example of steps he should not follow.

Still, under this position of power, he saw all the grimy beings that walked on this godforsaken place – traitors and hypocrites that tried to hide their greed behind a mask – and he hated them all.

"Dirty pricks that can't even pick up after themselves", he thought, kicking another empty beer can.

He wouldn't clean it, however. Obviously. He had his pawns to do that for him and today, specifically, he had the worthless honor student do that job for him.

He sighed, massaging his forehead to ease the wrinkle between his brows.

"Honor, my ass", he mumbled, remembering how they messed up yet another prototype order earlier that day, which landed them the merciless job of cleaning the casino after it was closed.

Romeo clicked his tongue, remembering the faces of the rest of the staff once they realized they would have a night off at the expense of someone else.

In the end, it was a dog eat dog situation. He wouldn't be surprised if people started sabotaging them just to get more days off. He put this sudden conclusion at the back of his mind, patting himself on the back for being so smart and way ahead of everyone around him. Then, he stepped on a cigarette butt and stained the burgundy carpet with its ashes.

"Where the fuck is that basic bitch?" he groaned, kicking the cigarette butt under one of the poker tables, maneuvering faster between all the stools, readying himself to give them the scolding of a lifetime.

He expects excellency from himself – it's only natural he expects the same from everyone around him, although this habit always seems to leave him disappointed.

Romeo's ears perked up as he stomped his way towards the back of the casino.

It housed the bar area, with a small stage for (now rare) jazz performances – after Sinostra was banned from leaving the campus, it also meant people from outside were also banned from coming in. Believe it or not, there aren't many jazz musicians among university students.

The bar stood behind matte glass doors that kept the sound muffled for those that wanted to drown their sorrows away after losing one too many games.

Romeo made his way to the entrance of the bar, as his ears picked up a few stray music notes coming from the inside of the place. He readied himself to scold whatever student was inside after closing hours – after all, if they wanted to use the space, then they should pay for it. It's only obvious.

He opened the door quietly, in order to catch them by surprise, squinting as he tried to assess who was inside despite the permanent mist of cigarette smoke that hung in the air.

The song came from a phone that stood on the bar counter, the words too jumbled and distorted by the busted speakers, but with a melancholy that touched him still.

He opened his mouth to call out whoever was inside, yet the words stuck on his tongue like cheap candy.

The first thing he saw were the arms.

The arms moved slowly, as if they were swimming in honey. Fingers grasped the thick air that surrounded them and seemed to mold it into a silk veil that surrounded their body.

Then, he saw the legs.

Softly, silently, they carried their body through slow twirls. They lifted one of them up, bare foot en pointe, landing it graciously to once again turn around themselves.

And finally, he saw their face.

Eyes half lidded in pure concentration, they saw nothing but the world they created for themselves as they danced.

The words died inside Romeo's mouth as he saw his worthless honor student dance to the song.

He gulped harshily as he watched them grab their own chest, suffering silently for some estranged lover they were probably seeing in their mind's eye as they danced.

Romeo felt his own heart race, his purple eyes going red and teary as he tried not to blink, so he wouldn't miss any moment. His stomach twisted inside out – or, at least, it was how he felt it – as he wondered if they were thinking of anyone specific while they looked so desperately in love.

His breath hitched at the thought and he discarded it in a pile of things he would rather not think about, on the corners of his mind.

They threw their arms out slowly, as if they wanted to hug the entire world – or fly away from it, only to lose it all while they bring their hands to their face, in theatrical despair.

Romeo wondered how it would feel to be the one in between their arms and loved so desperately, and the thought was too big, to persistent to be put aside.

His hands twitched as he tried to take a step inside and ask who was it that they thought of as they ran their hands on their lips and body, but as he heard the song grow into its highest peak, Romeo instinctively closed the door, before he could see whether or not that secret performance would have a happy ending or a sad one.

He rested his head against the glass, feeling the coolness of it spread on his flushed face.

Romeo put his hand against his heart, feeling the fast beats in contrast with the muffled and slow ending of the song inside, and breathed deeply, realizing he had been holding his breath like a predator does with a prey on the wild.

"Romeo?" their voice sounded shaky and scared, as if they had just been caught committing a crime. As if they were his prey.

Romeo cleared his throat and opened the door once again, this time fierce and quickly.

"Ah, there you are, you BB." they winced as he yelled the insulting abbreviation "I was looking for you. Didn't you see how dirty the casino is? You are supposed to clean everything, not just this place."

Romeo saw as they pursed their lips, looking down, an expression of annoyance and sadness making itself clear on their face.

"I- I know. I was just finishing here." They lied, dejected.

"Well. I expect this place to be spotless by tomorrow. I don't care if you need to spend all night here. Just do your job!"

"Yes, Romeo." they sighed loudly, picking up a broom, and then walked briskly past him, frustratingly avoiding him as much as possible.

Deep inside, however, he knew he couldn't possibly blame them. Not with the venom he spits on their face at every single encounter.

Romeo kept looking inside of the room, staring at the phone they left on the bar counter, consciously refusing to observe them as they walked somewhere else inside the casino.

He refused to look at them as they moved graciously between the tables; refused to think about the faint scent of vanilla mixed with cigarette and sweat on their body; refused to acknowledge his racing heart; and refused to look them in their eyes for too long.

Romeo refused to lose control of his own strings.

After all, he was the dealer, he was the house.

He wasn't supposed to lose.

[highseas-swede]

Aziraphale and Trauma

[Just a note that I initially wrote this in response to this post: https://www.tumblr.com/theangelyouknew/732357015604756480?source=share&ref=_tumblr which is full of insightful info. I'm reposting my response here with some minor edits so it's easier to find in tags.]

This is something I actually find interesting within the fandom, because there seems to be this weird divide in fandom when it comes to Aziraphale.

See, I love Aziraphale. I think he's an amazing and well nuanced character, but a lot of the time fandom boils him down into this really simple version of himself. This happens both with people who dislike him and claim he's a bad person as well as with those who want to soften him up and make him more palatable. Aziraphale isn't the only one who has trouble with black and white thinking here!

Things like Coffee Theory remove Aziraphale's agency because the thought of Aziraphale doing something to hurt Crowley deliberately is something they can't stomach. If Aziraphale is acting under some kind of major magical influence, it means that it's possible to brush over the fact that he can - and has - hurt Crowley in the past and it certainly hasn't always been accidental.

There's a lot of Psychology I could touch on here, but it's honestly such a complicated topic that I don't really feel I can do it justice attached to a completely different topic.

But one thing I do want to touch on a bit is how Aziraphale asserts control in his own life via his connection with Crowley, and that touches on something equally complicated, which is something that's probably hard to understand.

Abuse victims are often manipulative.

I don't mean this at all as some kind of slight or insult. I've been an abuse victim myself and it's one reason I know it's true.

Fandom talks a lot about Crowley's trauma and he's got loads, to be sure. I think of that meme about "this bad boy can fit a lot of trauma" and it's very true. I've even seen people mention that Aziraphale has a different kind of Trauma than Crowley, which is also true.

What I haven't seen is someone addressing that the type of religious trauma is a form of CPTSD. CPTSD or "Complex PTSD" is a very specific form of PTSD. PTSD is characterized as being the result of a traumatic event - Crowley's fall, for example, is a good example of PTSD and I can go into that at some point. CPTSD is different because it's not a singular event, it's the result of being in a constant high stress situation. A lot of abuse victims - especially those abused by parental figures or significant others - have this form of PTSD.

A good way to see the difference is in comparing how they relate to their trauma. When Crowley thinks he's lost Aziraphale in S1, it sends him into a spiral. But importantly we see that this traumatic event is causing Crowley to go back to another traumatic event in time, triggering his memories of his fall. This emphasizes how much Crowley's fall defines his trauma. We rarely see him experiencing trauma at the hands of Hell, as he's mostly allowed freedom to handle his job on earth the way he wants.

https://cptsdfoundation.org/ defines CPTSD as "the results of ongoing, inescapable, relational trauma. Unlike Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD), Complex PTSD typically involves being hurt by another person. These hurts are ongoing, repeated, and often involving a betrayal and loss of safety."

In humans, this is caused by having no sense of safety in key moments of development. It strips away sense of self, sense of worth and really any agency. We even see the angels using direct gaslighting tactics on Aziraphale in S2, which I'm surprised doesn't get mentioned more often: When they come to the bookshop looking for Gabriel, they mention Gabriel and then almost immediately when Aziraphale asks "you were looking for Gabriel", Uriel outright says a line that goes something like "Did we say we were looking for Gabriel?", leading Aziraphale to fumble and try to remember if they did, in fact, say that at some point (they did).

So, one big thing to know about CPTSD and this kind of abuse related trauma is that learning to lie and be manipulative is often what people have to do to survive. Children with abusive parents will learn how to be manipulative in order to get what they need or avoid losing things they need.

We see this with Aziraphale, time and time again. He could just ASK Crowley for things he wants. A lot of people point out that he could ask and that Crowley would probably give in to him most of the time anyway. But that's not how it works in an abusive home. Instead, Aziraphale maneuvers Crowley into situations where Crowley is forced to give him what he needs or wants.

His lack of agency, as a result of his CPTSD, is also why he needs to be worked into making decisions that he already knows - or at least suspects - are right. That's why they have their little dance every time Crowley has to talk Aziraphale into something by finding the right way to frame it so it makes sense with Aziraphale's strict rule structure. These rules exist as a defensive mechanism too. Having rules makes it easier to figure out how to avoid being hurt and Aziraphale cannot simply step outside the rules because it's Not Safe. Not even with someone he trusts as much as Crowley.

The entire apology dance scene stands out for a few reasons. Everything Aziraphale does in the entire scene is an act that allows him to take control of the situation. He's already won, so to speak, because Crowley is back and Crowley is going to do what he wants. The apology is unnecessary on every level.

This post talks about how uncomfortable Crowley has to be sharing a space with Gabriel. Gabriel is with the abusive team, whether or not he was directly involved with Crowley's fall. Crowley also harbors a severe distress and mistrust of Gabriel because of Gabriel's attempts to destroy Aziraphale, the most important person to Crowley. But it's worth noting that Aziraphale is uncomfortable too.

Another good indicator of how stressed Aziraphale is with all this is that he doesn't eat ANYTHING when Gabriel is in the shop. The only food he consumes in modern era is when he's in the Bentley which is a "safe" space. Gabriel constantly hounded Aziraphale over eating and despite offering Gabriel hot chocolate, we don't see him partaking himself. He does briefly drink to demonstrate how "drinking tea" works for Muriel, but he doesn't seem to drink from his cup at all after demonstrating.

The bookshop is also Aziraphale's safe space, his ONLY safe space - Crowley still technically has the Bentley, and honestly I feel like Aziraphale wanting to borrow the Bentley is actually partially because he needs to get away from Gabriel and the Bentley is the only place that feels safe for him at the moment. Shax ruins any illusion of safety for him, but Aziraphale is much more enthused for his trip in ep3 and a fair amount of it is because he's not trapped with Gabriel.

A small note here, as a thought occurs to me. Aziraphale asserting that the Bentley is "our car" is probably mostly for himself. He's trying to realign his thinking to make the Bentley an acceptable "safe space" for himself prior to the trip.

There is a very different relationship dynamic when it comes to Gabriel and Aziraphale because Gabriel is the constant source of Aziraphale's trauma. He's Aziraphale's superior, the one he has to report to, the one who passes down his missions and his punishments. When Aziraphale takes Gabriel in, he's just invited his former abuser of over 6000 years into his safe haven. This is a hugely uncomfortable thing for an abuse survivor.

Worst of all, because Jim is, for all intents and purposes, NOT Gabriel, Aziraphale can't bring himself to lash out at his former abuser the way he wants to.

That brings us back to this apology scene.

There are two major things going on here and both of them are bad and hurtful toward Crowley. They're also both intensely unfair. I love Aziraphale but this was definitely a dick move.

Firstly: Aziraphale is using Crowley to reassert a sense of control over the situation because he is spiraling. He can't assert control over his life and his shop, which is one thing that he falls back on heavily, and that leaves him scrambling to find somewhere where he can control his situation. He makes Crowley go through this whole unnecessary apology and dance routine because it makes him feel like he has control over SOMETHING in his life right now.

Secondly: Aziraphale is also enacting his own trauma on Crowley. He's treating Crowley the way Heaven treats him. This is a direct parallel to the way Crowley terrorizes his house plants because he can't do anything to the people who actually caused his trauma. This is, obviously, wildly unfair of Aziraphale to do - and I'm fairly sure there are other small moments where Aziraphale does this in a mild way, I'd have to rewatch again.

These are both behaviors common in CPTSD caused by environments that apply this constant state of stress.

I'm not going to say it's right, or that Aziraphale isn't being a bit of a bastard in this moment - he absolutely is - but this behavior does have some obvious triggers that might be easy to overlook. It's just important to understand that Aziraphale is falling into self-preservation habits that are actively detrimental to his relationship with Crowley. It's not just the manipulation, he's also hiding things and lying to Crowley when he really shouldn't be - both things often necessary in abusive environments - but he's doing it because that's the method that he's created that works with his abusive relationship in Heaven and he's falling back on it because he feels unsafe. The trouble is, this survival tactic does not work with Crowley and actively makes things worse because it shuts down open communication entirely.

[queermania]

I don't want to start drama and I don't expect you to respond to this but I think you deserve to know what's being said about you. tumblr. com/transfagbenny/738678589192552448/and-id-appreciate-if-we-stopped-using-the-terms

i actually am going to address this because this person has been lying about what's been going on for months and they've apparently been harassing other people for months if not years, so. it's time to put an end to this.

before i start though i want to make it abundantly clear that if you take this as an opportunity to do anything other than block this person, then you are trash. do not send him messages. do not tag him in things. do not harass him in any way. leave him alone. if you need to block, do so and then move on. hate mail and harassment is disgusting behavior and i don't want to be surrounded by anybody who engages in it. and if you do it on my behalf, i think you are worthless and i want nothing to do with you.

so, this is what happened: back in february of 2023, an anon asked me if i had any opinions that would get me canceled with the dean girlies. i replied, "oh now we’re talking!! hmmmm let’s see. i don’t care about benny at all. deanbenny does nothing for me. deanbenny is dust. it is dust. drowley rights forever" and i did not tag it because i'm not an asshole. bear then sent me a message that at the time i thought was funny/cute because his url reflected that he was obviously a huge benny fan. we had a very cordial exchange. everything was good. we chatted a little bit about how neat it would've been if benny had been played by a black actor and how the racism problem with gordon would've been fixed if gordon had been played by a white actor. not all of our conversation is visible anymore (and i also don't think all of it was on this post anyway) because i've since blocked him so his replies no longer show up on my posts. the point is: everything was fine. it was a good tumblr exchange. he continued to follow me. i did not follow him then or at any point.

the problem is that he kept coming onto my posts and into my inbox to try to make things about benny. that is not okay. i had already said that benny was a character (and deanbenny a ship) that i was not interested in. to me, this is an obvious boundary i've established that he repeatedly crossed. it's not an egregious violation, obviously. more than anything it's annoying. what he should've done, if benny was that important to him, was unfollow me and move on. but he didn't and i indulged him for awhile but at a certain point i thought, "okay maybe if i stop indulging him, he'll take the hint." so i stopped responding. he did not take the hint. he got worse and he even started commenting on things that he couldn't make about benny, just to willfully misinterpret things i said and taking them completely out of context. unfortunately, i don't have receipts for any of this because at the time i didn't know it was going to become an actual problem (however I have since learned that this is an established pattern of behavior he engages in, so you can probably find examples on other people's blogs).

it got so annoying, though, that i very carefully broached the subject in a private server with people i trusted. without naming any names or using any incriminating language (i.e. not specifically referencing benny), i basically said that there was someone being annoying about a specific character on my posts and i wasn't sure what to do about it. immediately, a handful of people replied with some variation of "the benny stan? he's been doing that to me too." i do have receipts of this (and an entire server to back me up) but i hope you can all understand why i'm not going to provide those or name names (or ask anyone to get involved publicly). the point is, it became apparent that i wasn't the only one and this was a pattern of behavior. i also learned during that conversation that bear has a history of harassing people and calling someone racist or a transphobe if they block him.

at that point, i decided not to rock the boat. i would just continue to ignore him and maybe he would get bored and move on. well that obviously didn't happen. he kept doing it and as a fun added bonus, he started to make vague posts about me. the thing is i don't actually care if he vagueblogs about me. it's his blog. he can do whatever he wants. it's none of my business. i mean i personally think he should've just unfollowed but, again, his blog, his choice. it is annoying that every single time he would do it, someone would send me a link or a screenshot of him doing it, but that's not really his fault. so, again, i just ignored it.

this is where we get to the incident in question. after a private discussion among a small group of friends, i posted this obviously joke poll at the insistence of @letterstothedevil, a tumblr user who has given me permission to include her in this.

the original message about the poll:

the permission:

now EYE think it's abundantly clear that the poll was a joke amongst friends, but maybe it wasn't, and i'm not going to fault anyone for not magically knowing that. i am, however, totally willing to fault someone for being a gigantic asshole. bear commented on the post and i, admittedly, gave a somewhat dismissive response because at that point i was so tired of him being willfully obtuse and twisting every little thing i said that i just didn't want to bother. he then went and made a series of not-at-all-vague posts calling me racist and claiming that i simply do not care about the racism in the show and it's obvious because i've never ever discussed it on my blog (which is a hilarious lie given that i'd specifically discussed it on my blog with him). at that point, there was no reason not to block him. he was already doing the thing that i didn't want to deal with. so i did. and i thought that would be the end of it.

again, i was wrong.

i then started to get anon messages daily about benny and deanbenny and how i'm racist for not liking benny, etc. this was harassment that EYE was on the receiving end of. nobody else was a victim of the messages i was being sent. they were sent to me and it is not my job to make sure other people are protected from the harassment that i am experiencing. i'm pointing this out for two reasons: 1. because i did try to protect bear from it for awhile anyway. i knew that people would assume it was him and at the time i was still giving him the benefit of the doubt, if for no other reason than the fact that i didn't think he could send me messages since i blocked him. and 2. because when i did finally start to respond to some of the messages, bear acted like he was somehow the victim in all of this (and continues to act that way to this day).

i don't know if bear had (or currently has) anything to do with any of the messages i get (which, thankfully, have slowed considerably). what i do know is that at no point during any of this happening did he stop looking at my blog and vagueblogging about me.

when i finally did answer a few of the messages, bear had a bit of a meltdown about it. i know this because he used a separate account that i hadn't know existed to message me and because he talked to one of my friends about it. (i'm not going to name that person but if they want to get involved publicly of their own accord, that's up to them lol). i'm also not going to share screenshots of what bear said to me because he explicitly asked me not to (it's also the reason i'm not sharing screenshots of the numerous receipts i have of the things he's said and lied about on his blog but, unless he's deleted any of them, you can go and find the posts yourselves.) what i am going to share is that in the message he sent to me, he flat out lied about his behavior. he told me he hadn't been vague-blogging about me, that he would never ever do that about anyone, and that he would certainly never harass someone (all things that i have receipts of him doing).

it took me awhile to respond to this message because i was still trying to be gracious about the whole situation. i recognize that he is much younger than i am and i think it's important for me, as a full blown adult, to take that into account. i had a private discussion with a few trusted friends about how to handle this because it was important to me to not let him off the hook for his behavior and for lying just because he's young. this is what i ended up saying:

his response was to double-down on his lies (while, hilariously, vague-blogging about me and the whole thing) and then go into victim mode about something so completely unrelated and far-fetched that i decided i simply wanted nothing to do with him ever. (this is when he asked me not to share screenshots, so i won't, but this is me saying that i have ALL of the receipts, bear, so if you continue to lie, you will not like what happens.) i blocked his alternate account and tried to ignore him.

the harassment continued. again, i have no idea if he was actually part of it. the vagueblogging continued. he started to do it to other people he associated with me. many of them blocked him because of his behavior. i continued to answer some of the hate i received, continued to ignore and/or block most of it. it got so bad that i was sent seizure bait on more than one occasion, one time bad enough that i actually ended up going to the ER. there are receipts of all of this, too. you can see on my blog the messages i've been sent. i think at one point i even shared a snapshot of what my inbox looked like. i've shared privately with friends (who can confirm if they want to, but no pressure) screenshots of the kinds of messages i get that i don't respond to. the point is, that for a period of months, i was relentlessly harassed. and at no point during this time did i say anything to or about bear (or anyone else). the most i've done is respond to messages that have been sent to me. i've largely sat quietly while this thing happened to me and bear continued to make posts about me and act like he is somehow a victim in this. he's assumed things about me and my identity. he's violated boundaries i've set. he will not let this go. and i'm not the only one he's doing it to.

i'm so fucking tired of it. leave me alone. leave my blog alone. leave my friends alone. leave any and all of the people who have blocked you for your own inappropriate and obnoxious behavior alone. that's it. that's the end. none of this would be happening if you would just respect other people's boundaries. i don't want you on my blog. i do not want to interact with you. i don't want anything to do with you. that's it. the end.

[trippygalaxy]

Sky isn't First's reincarnation, Warriors is.

Heads up, this is just a headcanon! I am using LOZ canon in parts to help fortify my thinking but again, this isnt to prove a point!

Also tagging people below! I was going to reblog my og post but this came out too long and would just be better as its own post!

I believe that Sky isn't the reincarnation of Hyila's chosen hero, but instead the hero's incarnation. While both the fandom (loz and lu) and the canon use the two words interchangeably, they truly do have two different meanings, even if they are considered 'small.'

So does this mean I believe Warriors to be the hero's direct reincarnation? In a way, yes I do. I believe that there are some threads in canon that can stablize this idea, but most are based on personal preference and headcanons.

If you wanna know more, ill be going more into it under the cut!

Firstly, the difference between reincarnation and an incarnation!

Reincarnation, defined as “a person or animal in whom a particular soul is believed to have been reborn”

an example of this would be Sky, Sun and Demise. We see many of these reincarnations, but most notably and factual would be Demise’s reincarnation to Ganondorf. They share the same soul, at least the one from OOT does.

Incarnations, Defined as “a person who embodies in the flesh a deity, spirit, or abstract quality.”

Now, there arent any solidly proven instances in LOZ but most can assume that Nayru, Din and Farore from the OOS and OOA games/mangas are incarnations of the deities they are named after. But a more well rounded example would be to look at mythos in the real world, specifically Greek mythos with their gods Gaia, Thanatos, Nyx, and more.

Sky, or SS Link, has been believed to be the reincarnation of the First hero (“First”), is it even easier to prove him to be a incarnation. Sky, in the canon of Skyward Sword (“SS”) is not proven to be the direct reincarnation of the chosen hero- he is said to be the chosen hero, and plays such roll in the story of SS but there is nothing that says he is the direct reincarnation of First. Perhaps there is evidence that states otherwise, that is likely in the vast canon of Legend of Zelda, but it feels (and is stated) that the cycle of ‘reincarnation’ starts with SS link and his Zelda.

An incarnation feels like the better fit for the character of Sky. He is, and would be, the incarnation of the Chosen Hero, a heroic spirit known for his courage and loyalty to the divine. Hyila in the uncanon manga stated that she would meet First again, but again we do not get any notion that this refers to any reincarnation like the goddess takes.

Now for Warriors, or Hw Link, there are obviously the visual similarities that connect Warriors with First as both are the only one seen to wear scarves, as well as the one shoulder pauldrons. But it should also be noted the similarities in the stories both partake in. The main concept is very similar to the rest of the courageous heroes, but these two seem to be the only was who have fought in war of sorts, both battling against a dark army as the only hero able to fall the mighty leader.

Now, most of the rest of these thoughts would be based on the frames of headcanons rather than facts, as the idea behind this thought was of the poetic similarities between the two characters rather than facts within the LOZ or LU canon

Warriors and First being the 'leaders' of a war, neither being ready for such responsibilities yet being forced to none the less because they are the only ones able to hold such responsibilities

Both feeling unworthy of holding such power for being 'unpure' (First; being imprisoned for 4 years, Wars; encounters with Cia and/or having Dark Link being created)

Being experienced, infield fighters compared to dungeon crawlers, both of which are used to working with others in planning/fighting

First has been characterize within the fandom (and canon) as a recluse, naturally from his trauma of imprisonment yet even then he still has this authoritative status and energy to him. And while Warriors is seen as anything BUT a recluse in the fandom, it is still canon within the canon that he was infact a mute. So, its interesting to note how similar the two's nature would of been if certain characteristics in canon werent there (ie, HW link getting overconfident and prideful, which First shows little to no traits of in his appearances)

Back to characterization, both tend to be depicted as chivalrous men, either because of their roles as important 'military' figures or their natural personalities.

These are really just my beginning thoughts on this! Im....I like this idea a lot- as you can tell!

@xxbuttercup @doodlesbf @plateapus @sleepy-spam-reblog-things @fictionnotfantasy @lostlinkmx @shadowy-suitcase-herring-neck @cannibalgremlin

[hollowed-theory-hall]

Do you think that some wizards are naturally born with significantly greater magical power than others?

For example, the Dumbledore family seemed to be like this: Albus himself was a great wizard, and both his sister and nephew were able to withstand an Obscurial inside them for as long as possible and not die at a young age because of it.

Lily and Tom Riddle were able to control their magic at an early age, which I believe might have been due to their lack of understanding about what was happening to them. However, they used their abilities for different purposes; unlike Tom, who used his magic to harm others, Lily used hers solely for fun.

Although each wizard developed their magic differently, Dumbledore was naturally talented and actively sought knowledge. However, the tragedy involving his sister led him to reevaluate his ambitions of ruling alongside Grindelwald. He lived for over a century, continuously honing his skills. In contrast, Voldemort lived only half as long as Dumbledore, devoting his entire life to the pursuit of domination over others.

Unlike the two men, Lily had a very short life and didn’t have the opportunity to reach their level of knowledge. From what we know of her, she seemed more skilled in specific areas of magic rather than mastering all fields. Another key difference is that both men sought power, while nothing of the sort was mentioned about Lily. She was described as vivacious and sociable, focusing more on the human aspects of life—such as family, love, and friendship—though she was certainly not stupid.

Another point to consider is Lily's sacrificial protection. While magic typically requires intent, it doesn’t always need a wand as its conduit; wandless magic is indeed possible. Lily’s childhood ability to harness her magic without a wand may have unconsciously intensified her desire to protect Harry.

Many have speculated whether others have faced a situation similar to Lily's on that fateful night, where they were presented with a choice they ultimately refused, sacrificing themselves to protect their loved ones. While such instances may have occurred, Lily's magic was inherently more powerful than that of others, which played a crucial role in ensuring Harry's survival.

Hi 👋

And yes, I do. I think some wizards are more innately powerful than others and are more skilled in certain aspects of magic.

It is stated multiple times in the books some wizards are more talented in different areas of magic/are more naturally inclined to these areas of magic:

“Pettigrew . . . that fat little boy who was always tagging around after them at Hogwarts?” said Madam Rosmerta. “Hero-worshipped Black and Potter,” said Professor McGonagall. “Never quite in their league, talent-wise.

(PoA, 207)

“Many witches and wizards, talented though they are in the area of loud bangs and smells and sudden disappearings, are yet unable to penetrate the veiled mysteries of the future,” Professor Trelawney went on, her enormous, gleaming eyes moving from face to nervous face. “It is a Gift granted to few. You, boy,”

(PoA, 103)

And some wands also are more inclined to one field of magic over another:

Your father, on the other hand, favored a mahogany wand. Eleven inches. Pliable. A little more power and excellent for transfiguration.

(PS, 61)

You have your mother’s eyes. It seems only yesterday she was in here herself, buying her first wand. Ten and a quarter inches long, swishy, made of willow. Nice wand for charm work.

(PS, 61)

And if we're talking power levels, if we look at the Golden Trio, we can see Harry clearly had the edge in terms of raw magical power, bending the very way spells are meant to be cast:

She aimed a curse over her shoulder. The tank rose into the air and tipped. Harry was deluged in the foul-smelling potion within. The brains slipped and slid over him and began spinning their long, colored tentacles, but he shouted, “Wingardium Leviosa!” and they flew into the air away from him. Slipping and sliding he ran on toward the door.

(OotP, 809)

And that Harry's magic is more intuitive than basically every other wizard we meet:

Dust swirled around Harry like mist, catching the blue gaslight, as Mrs. Black continued to scream. “Mudbloods, filth, stains of dishonor, taint of shame on the house of my fathers—“ “SHUT UP!” Harry bellowed, directing his wand at her, and with a bang and a burst of red sparks, the curtains swung shut again, silencing her

(DH, 171)

(I have more evidence for this here)

That being said, magical power is affected by other factors. Years of study and experience like Dumbledore has would make everyone a better wizard. Dumbledore himself is powerful, but he puts a lot of effort into studying and advancing his skills in magic, something Harry doesn't do, but can still get similar results. Magic is referred to as a skill that you can train, even if the talent isn't there:

“Yes, but it took a great deal of skilled Legilimency to coax it out of him,” said Dumbledore

(HBP, 367)

“You cannot pass an O.W.L.,” said Professor McGonagall grimly, “without serious application, practice, and study. I see no reason why everybody in this class should not achieve an O.W.L. in Transfiguration as long as they put in the work.” 

(OotP, 257)

Or how Harry is told to practice Occlumancy, or how Snape has them practice silent casting in 6th year. Like with most skills, practice makes perfect.

So even a mediocre wizard in terms of natural talent could do some complex magic with practice, as seen with Crabbe, actually:

“Fiendfyre — cursed fire — it’s one of the substances that destroy Horcruxes, but I would never, ever have dared use it, it’s so dangerous — how did Crabbe know how to — ?” “Must’ve learned from the Carrows,” said Harry grimly.

(DH, 537)

Fiendfyre is no easy spell to cast and control. He shows he can't quite control it, but he can cast the powerful curse even if he isn't very magically powerful or talented because he's been taught and he practiced.

Similarly, mental state can effect one's magic. Neville was thought to be a squib when he was younger:

but the family thought I was all-Muggle for ages. My Great Uncle Algie kept trying to catch me off my guard and force some magic out of me — he pushed me off the end of Blackpool pier once, I nearly drowned — but nothing happened until I was eight. Great Uncle Algie came round for dinner, and he was hanging me out of an upstairs window by the ankles when my Great Auntie Enid offered him a meringue and he accidentally let go. But I bounced — all the way down the garden and into the road. They were all really pleased, Gran was crying, she was so happy.

(PS, 91)

(Also, fuck, Neville's childhood makes me so sad)

But he isn't magically weak in any way. I wouldn't say he's incredibly powerful, but he's also not weak:

He and the D.A. were resisting her under her very nose, doing the very thing that she and the Ministry most feared, and whenever he was supposed to be reading Wilbert Slinkhard’s book during her lessons he dwelled instead on satisfying memories of their most recent meetings, remembering how Neville had successfully disarmed Hermione, how Colin Creevey had mastered the Impediment Jinx after three meetings’ hard effort

(OotP, 397)

His self-doubt and being under stress affected his magic negatively. Neville is another example of a wizard whose magic gets better with practice, both due to his boosted confidence, and the fact that practice does help.

Even Harry, who is one of the more magically powerful characters we see is affected by his own perception of what he can and can't do, regardless of whether it's magically possible as I mentioned above. When he thinks he can do something, like fix his own wand with the Elder wand, he can do it, even though Ollivanders thinks it's impossible to accomplish (I talk about this a bit more here)

So, long story short, yes, I think there is an innate talent/power factor to magic. But, like many skills, it can be honed with practice and improve with your mental state.

Magic is kind of like drawing. Some people are naturally talented and it comes naturally to them easily. Some need to work much harder just to get the same results. Some practice for years in professional environments and get really good at it. Some rando on the internet taught themselves, but their pieces wouldn't look out of place in a museum. Some people don't have the talent but work their ass off to get really good at drawing, and some don't have the talent and are fine with just drawing stick figures forever. Some would rather draw better but feel incapable due to the amount of effort it'll need, so they stick to stick figures even if they aren't happy with it. And your mental state and inspiration matter, sometimes it's hard to draw when you feel like shit. And how these different people would think of drawing would be different depending on their natural inclination, some would just know where the light comes from and how the shadows would look like on the object because that's how it works, while others would need to find a reference to look at or have a completely different way to visualize it.

As we see characters like Dumbledore and Hermione have a very rigid by-the-book approach to magic. Both have talent but they hone their talent in study and bookish approach to magic. Harry, on the other hand, is very instinctive with magic. He doesn't really know why what he does works, he just knows it does because he has a lot of natural talent.

Tom Riddle and Severus Snape are examples of characters who are a bit of both. They are clearly naturally talented and can approach magic intuitively — Tom learned to control his magic before he understood what it is, and both of them invented spells quite easily compared to most wizards — all signs of natural, intuitive talent in spellwork. But they both also studied like mad to improve themselves even more. And their studies do pay off, they are two of the more powerful wizards in the books.

Young Lily, as you said, casts some very well-controlled accidental magic, much like Tom does. So, yeah, I'd say she is naturally talented and powerful and it likely had a hand in her being able to cast her protective magic over Harry by instinct in her death — like we see Harry cast magic in instinct. I think Lily had an approach to magic on an instinctual feeling level very similar to what Harry has. At least, in my headcanon. But, I think the magical protection is basically a lot of circumstances coming together on half-coincidence and half-Lily casting a spell like the "shut up" scene I brought up above where Harry accidentally casts "shut up" as a spell because of strong emotions — so I think the protections she left for Harry are similar in how the magic worked all on her force of will and intention. Nut raw talent definitely helped. Lily would've likely gotten more powerful with study and practice had she lived longer as shown by other characters.

TL;DR

Magic is a skill. Some people are born more talented, or with a better disposition for the skill, or aspect of the skill, but this isn't all there is to magic. Factors like study, practice, confidence, and your mental state in general do heavily affect your ability to do magic. Some need more or less practice to achieve the same results, but most magic is possible to everyone assuming they put in the work (bar special inherited gifts like Parseltongue, or being a Metamorphmagus)