#I once again find an audio through YouTube and my brain says we have to do it

[whereismyhat5678]

I love the audio because it just fits them SO WELL 💀

Peppino’s trying- Gustavo’s trying- THEY’RE BOTH DOING THEIR BEST- 😭

I’m also proud of how it came out ngl <x]

[katyasrussianaccent]

you’re so golden (corpse x reader)

Summary: You’re a faceless youtuber that sings cover songs. What happens when a certain faceless streamer slides into your DMs after you cover one of his songs?

Authors note: Part 3 whoop! I havent written fic in 3 years so Im hoping this is okay. Its about 4000 words, super long, sorry. I also dont play Among Us, but hopefully its not too obvious. Lemme know what you think!

You're nervous, though you aren’t quite sure why. The kind of nervousness that spreads to your feet, causing you to tap your toes against the side of your sofa.

Call you in 15. 

You look at the message again, staring at it till the screen goes blurry. Rubbing your eyes you exhale into the emptiness of your apartment; a feeble attempt at calming yourself down.

Logically it’s stupid to be nervous over a phone call. Logically you know that in the grand scheme of the universe, there are bigger things at hand. But you’re not a logical person, never have been. You’re all heart and emotion, both a blessing and a curse. There’s something intimate about a phone call, to have nothing but someone’s voice on the other end of the phone, talking to you and only you. It was a little scary; to think your purely online friendship with Corpse was going to be taken to a different level. You’re excited to think what that could mean.

“Fucking get it together,” you mutter to no-one as you exhale again, because there’s nothing else to do other than to wait and try to breath. There’s this frantic energy about you; like when you eat fizzy sweets, the flavour buzzing on your tongue. Your ancestors used to hunt wolves and here you were nervous over a single phone call.

The silence in your apartment’s too much now; too noisy. You grab your TV remote, clicking onto Spotify to find something. You’re scrolling so much, none of the artists feeling quite right for the moment before settling on Sufjan Stevens.

The dulcet tones fill the space, and for a brief second, you feel fine. You’re feeling relaxed and then your phone lights up.

Incoming Facetime Audio

“Fuckfuckfuckfuck” you say. Your face feels warm, your heart quickens in your chest. You could just ignore it, say you’re not feeling too good and that would be that, you wouldn’t have to do this. But it’s Corpse, you like Corpse and you’re kind of friends.

You swipe to accept the call, and press the button for speaker. 

“Hey,” you say, cringing at the meek tone your voice has taken on.

“Hey,” Corpse’s deep voice rumbles through your tiny speaker, distorting slightly and you press the volume button to turn it down a little.

There’s a beat of silence, a beat too long, and you already hate how awkward this is. You’re not great at social stuff, the concept of being a social butterfly is almost foreign to you. And it’s not because you dislike people, it’s just you hate this; the small talk, the awkwardness before you get comfortable and can hold an actual conversation.

You suddenly remember a tip from your customer service days. “How are you?” you ask, plastering on a grin so wide that it must look borderline demented. Thank god you’re single. 

“I’m okay thanks, how are you?” he asks.

You lounge back against the soft cushions of the sofa, lifting the phone up to your mouth as you do so. “I’m good, excited to be taught by the Among Us master.”

He snorts in disdain. “Hardly a master.” 

You chew your lip before you speak again, “I dunno, people on the internet think you’re pretty good.”

He snorts again, and you smile at the sound. It’s not something you’ve heard from him before, through your hours of watching his streams, you’ve become accustomed to his voice and the noises he makes. But this one seems to be new. And maybe it’s the weird, selfish part of you that likes to think he’s only ever made that sound for you. You shake the thought out of your head, because really? Getting happy over a snort is really such a ridiculous thing to do. 

“People on the internet say a lot of things.”

“True, but sometimes they speak the truth,” you reply, moving to get more comfortable; tucking your feet under your thighs. You wonder what he’s doing right now as he talks to you, is he sitting down? Or is he lying on his bed; his head propped up with pillows? There’s a brief flash of yearning, of wanting to be there in the same room as him, but it disappears as quickly as it appeared so you ignore it.

“Hm. We’ll agree to disagree.”

“Okay, you’re the boss Mr Husband.”

He chuckles softly, and again, you smile. You can feel yourself getting annoyed with yourself; you’re acting like a child with a crush; smiling at the phone. All you needed now was a notebook that had Mrs YN Husband written all over it.

“You know if you keep calling me that, we’re gonna have to get married,” he says, his voice a little lower than it was before. You blink and cock your head to the side, looking at an imaginary camera like you’re in The Office. Did you say that out loud? Is he...flirting with you? Sure, you’re flirty over Twitter, but it’s Twitter, Twitter isn’t real. There’s a fluttery feeling in your stomach at the mere prospect that he might actually be flirting with you.

“I’d be the best wife you could ever get,” you shoot back. There’s a brief second of silence before he answers, and you can hear shuffling on the other end. You want to ask what he’s doing, but you know it would break the conversation, and you’re curious to see where this goes.

“Oh really? And why’s that?” he asks, and you can picture the smirk in his voice. You have no idea what he looks like, no real care about it either, but you bet he’s got a beautiful smile. You bite your tongue before it tells him this, for once your brain actually works and stops you from making a fool out of yourself. It’s incredibly strange, how quickly he puts you at ease without a try, he’s just so naturally comforting. He’s not this flashy persona, he’s just a guy who likes to play video games and happens to be kinda good at them. And also has a voice that is literally like chocolate. Not just chocolate; dark chocolate. If dark chocolate could talk, it would sound like Corpse.

“Cos your girl can cook,” you say proudly, puffing out your chest a little. And that’s not a lie, you can cook. Okay, you’re not a Michelin starred chef, but you feel quite confident in the fact that Gordon Ramsey could eat your food, and probably (hopefully) wouldn’t scream that it was “fucking raw”. 

“And what would you cook for me?” he asks. 

You hum in thought for a second. “You’ll have to marry me first to find that out.”

He laughs, a proper laugh that settles in your stomach, spreading warmth through your chest. “I’ll think about it. I can hear music, what are you listening to?”

You straighten up a little, the question catching you off guard. You bite the inside of your cheek as you look at the song that’s playing. It’s not his type of music, you’re almost positive about that. You almost don’t want to tell him out of embarrassment. You’re not sure why you feel embarrassed; you know Corpse isn’t an asshole, he wouldn’t make fun of you. But music is so personal to you, so personal, it’s like baring a piece of your soul; which sounds so fucking cliche, but it’s true.

“Uhhh...It’s called Make out in My Car by Sufjan Stevens,” you reply.

He hums in affirmation. “It sounds nice; from what I can hear.”

“I can turn it up?” you ask, leaning forward to grab the remote off the coffee table.

“You could always sing some for me,” he offers. 

You laugh a little, scrunching up your nose. “And why would I do that?”

“I thought you wanted to get married. You have to woo me,” he replies.

“Woo you?” you ask, your tone incredulous. This isn’t how you pictured the conversation going.

“Yeah. Woo me, yn.” he says, dragging out the “o” causing you to laugh again.

You sigh dramatically. “I haven’t warmed up or anything, it’s gonna sound so bad” you warn as you put the song to the beginning.

“I’m sure you sound great. Go ahead, woo me.” 

You shake your head as you softly sing. “I'm not trying to go to bed with you, I just wanna make out in my car. And though I'm dying to fall in love with you, I just wanna make out in my car”. You stop and you’re suddenly very aware that you have essentially just serenaded him. Good going, brain.

It’s silent for a beat too long, and the smile that graced your lips starts to fade as the embarrassment starts to set in. 

“Well now we definitely have to get married,” he affirms. And there’s that fluttery feeling again.

You swallow, moving the conversation swiftly onto Among Us. You grab your laptop that was next to you, humming in acknowledgement as he walks you through downloading it. 

“So there’s a few of us joining us tonight, it should be really fun.”

“Oh. It’s not just us two?” you ask. You focus on the download, watching the number increase. You’re nervous at the prospect of playing with other people, strangers, for the first time. 

“No, it’s a 4 player minimum. We’re going to stream as well.”

“Corpse…” you start. You begin to pick at the skin around your nails, a habit you do whenever you get really anxious. This was meant to just be a cute moment where you learnt how to play a game, not a big event where people would be actually watching you, judging your every move.

“We’re going to do a few games off stream with you, you don’t need to be there for the stream after if you don’t want to,” he interrupts. 

“Okay,” you trail off, your teeth biting down on your bottom lip. You feel a little better, but not by much. You didn’t know who the other people were, what if they hated you? You ask this out loud.

“I’ll be there. You know Rae and Sykkuno. Felix, Sean and Toast will be there but they’re super nice, I promise.” His voice is sincere, and it soothes you. You don’t know him, not really know him, but you trust Corpse. You know he has his own struggles, and you believe his promise; he wouldn’t screw you over or put you in a situation you were uncomfortable with.

The rest of the call is him taking you through how to play and how to set up something called Proximity Chat so everyone can talk to each other in the game. He says it’s easier once you actually play, and it doesn’t sound particularly hard quite honestly, you just hope you don’t get imposter on the first try because you’re not the greatest liar. 

The game screen pops up, and you type in the code that Corpse gives you. You say goodbye to Corpse, who tells you to text him if you need any help. You drop into the game lobby, and you look at the little astronaut. There’s no time to dwell as a cacophony of voices hits you.

“YN!” Rae screeches and you chuckle at her enthusiasm. You’ve known Rae for a few years now, you met at college and had become fast friends. Though you had many different interests - gaming for one, you considered her your best friend. Rae was the type of friend where you didn’t need to talk every single day, you could message her a week later and it would be like no time had passed at all. And you loved that, sometimes you just didn’t want to talk to anyone. Sometimes your mood wasn’t the best, and you needed a little time to recharge. And she understood that, something that you were eternally grateful for. 

“Raebies!” you screech back, using your “pet” name for her.

“I’ve been trying to get you to play forever. But Mr Smooth Operator over there slides into your DMs and suddenly you’re a gamer now?”

“It sounds so sordid when you say it like that,” you reply.

“Hi yn! Glad to see you playing with us,” Sykkuno says. You greet him and the others, making sure to say hi to everyone in the game. You didn’t want to start off by being accidentally rude. You listen as everyone talks amongst each other, and you talk when spoken to, but you aren’t interjecting. It wasn’t anything against the other players, it was just a little overwhelming, and you were figuring out what everyone was like.

“Hello,” Corpse’s voice interrupts your train of thought and you greet him along with everyone else. 

“Aw, I wanted purple,” you say, frowning at Corpse’s name above the astronaut.

“We can switch,” he replies.

“No it’s o -” you start to speak before you realise he’s already switched to white. “Thank you, you didn’t have to.” You smile as you switch to purple, and you decide to add a flower for a little pizzazz.

“It’s your first game, I’ll kill you if I get imposter so it’ll even out,” he jokes and everyone laughs. The countdown begins and you puff your cheeks out, exhaling as it gets to 1. You’re nervous again, a seemingly common theme of the night. Your shoulders relax as the word CREWMATE flashes across the screen.

You watch as everyone but Corpse disperses from the cafeteria with haste, and you look at the keyboard to press the buttons to move.

“You ever see an old person text? That’s how I’m picturing you right now,” Corpse says as you walk together to Weapons.

“Shut up Sonny,” you reply in your best old woman voice, getting a laugh. You open up the task, shooting the Asteroids with ease. “Yay, I completed a task!”

“Good job,” Corpse replies, and you beam at the praise. You move down to o2, doing your task while Corpse does his.

“Wait, you could be imposter right? How would I know?” you ask as you walk together to Navigation.

“You wouldn’t, you just have to trust me,” he says, his voice full of charm.

You scowl. “Well that just makes me not want to trust you.” 

Before he replies, there’s a blaring alarm. DEAD BODY REPORTED. You blink at the suddenness; you were really enjoying the relaxing pace of the game. You look at the screen;  Felix has been killed.

“Who found the body?” Corpse asks.

“I did,” Rae answers. “I was in admin, and was going to lower engine and it was there in storage.”

“If you were in admin, why didn’t you go up through Cafeteria?” Toast asks.

“Because it’s quicker to go through storage,” Rae replies. They argue between themselves, and you listen intently and silently. It’s a lot of information, you can’t tell whose lying, but you guess that’s what makes a good player.

“Where were you yn?” Sean quizzes, and it takes you a second to realise you’re being spoken to.

“Oh. I was in um o2?”

“You don’t sound too sure there, pretty sus,” he says. Your face heats up a little, you’re not the imposter, but it feels like you are.

“She was in o2 and then we went to Navigation,” Corpse answers, and you breathe out as he takes on the interrogation.

“Oh you were together?” Rae asks, and you know that tone she’s got. It’s the tone that says she’ll be messaging you right away.

“Well yeah, it’s her first game, I’m not gonna leave her alone,” he says and you smile at that. 

“Yeah we’ve been together the whole time,” you add and it’s left at that. No-one votes anyone out, since no-ones really too suspicious. You carry on the game, and you find yourself really enjoying it, though the questioning part is kind of stressful. You can see why Corpse likes it so much, it’s really fun. You’re in electrical, humming as you do your task when Rae comes next to you. 

“Hey,” you greet her.

“I’m sorry, nothing personal,” she replies. Before you have a chance to say a word, she kills you and you look on in shock as your ghost floats above your body.  You listen into the meeting as Rae continues to lie and plead her case. She’s good, but Corpse knows better.

“Wait, you said you found her in electrical and you were where?” 

“I was in Upper Engine, and then I went to electrical to do my task,” Rae answers, her voice even and calm.

“I was in Lower Engine, and I didn’t see you,” Corpse says, and you grin at the fact Rae’s been found out. That’s what she gets for killing you.

“You were doing your task, I passed right by you,” Rae starts. She pleads her case, but it’s too late and she’s voted out.

“That was so much fun!” you declare. “I can see why you guys play it all the time.”

“Yes! We have converted another!” Felix shouts in victory.

“And all it took was Corpse,” Rae mutters sarcastically.

“Don’t get bitter Rachel, just get better,” you reply, causing the group to laugh.

You get the hang of it after a few games, and find yourself agreeing to stay while the others stream, though you decide against it yourself. You’ve only streamed once by yourself, and it was a very casual affair and you don’t want to feel too much pressure while you enjoy yourself. You know that Corpse gets nervous when he streams and he’s been doing it for so much longer, so you can only imagine how nervous you would be.

You tap your fingernails against the keyboard as the lobby counts down, any previous nerves have been replaced with excitement. 

IMPOSTER flashes across. You’re the only one, your astronaut looks lonely on the screen by itself, and the red letters almost taunt you. 

“Shit,” you mutter as your brain goes into overdrive. What was it Corpse had said before? Not to be too obvious. You don’t kill immediately, instead going at your previous pace to not look too suspicious. You were still fairly new to the game, and you were going to use that to your advantage.

You fake your task in Cafeteria before venting over to Navigation where Toast was.

“Hi Toast!” you greet, coming to stand next to him as you pretend you’re doing the task. 

“Oh hey yn,” he says. It doesn’t seem like he suspects you, and you’re not quite sure when to click the Kill button. You do it anyway before running out and going down and into shields. There’s adrenaline running through you as the dead body’s reported and you crack your knuckles before putting on your game face. You were going to play dumb, play the confused newbie - because to them, that’s what you were. 

“YN, where were you?” Corpse asks. Fuck. Maybe you weren’t going to get away with this.

You twiddle your hair as you draw out your words, playing the role perfectly. “Uhm I was in...shields? I think that’s what it’s called. I was in the cafeteria before that though.”

“Wait, you couldn’t have, I was in weapons. I would have seen you,” Sykkuno says.

You open your mouth to talk. “She could have vented,” Felix comments, and the rest of the group starts to agree.

“Guys, I don’t even know what venting is. I literally just started playing,” you point out, giggling.

“That’s true,” Rae agrees and you knew there was a reason you loved her.

“Bullshit! She’s playing you with her “oh I don’t know how to play” schtick,” Felix proclaims.

“Aw, that’s kind of rude, Felix. I’m just enjoying the game, doing the tasks,” you say, pouting a little. He’s the next on your list. 

Everyone skips the vote and you lean over your laptop, ready for the next round. You were going to win this. You kill Rae and Toast next, and yet again, manage to worm your way out of any suspicion. You can sense that Corpse and Felix are starting to get suspicious of you, and you know you need to bring out the big guns to throw them off.

You catch Sykkuno in Med Bay after checking the cams in Security.

“Hi yn!” he greets, and you almost feel guilty as you kill him. He’s so sweet and innocent, but unfortunately, casualties are a given. You pass Felix as he comes out of reactor and it’s only a matter of time before you’ll have to talk your way out of this one again.

“I passed yn as I came out of reactor,” Felix shouts with a hint of glee.

You roll your eyes; this is going to be tough. “Yeah I came from Upper Engine, I was finishing part 2 of a task.”

“I was in Electrical, where was the body?” Corpse asks.

“Med Bay. And the only one that could’ve been there was yn,” Felix starts.

“Well no, you could have passed me and killed Sykkuno then self reported,” you reply. “I think you can do that right?” 

Corpse hums in agreement. “Oh come on! She’s being really sus,” Felix argues.

“You are being a little sus yn,” Corpse comments.

“Corpse. You don’t really think it’s me do you?” You decide to lower your voice a little, your tone sweet but sultry. “You only taught me like an hour ago, there’s no way I’d be able to fool everybody so quickly.” You get close to the mic so it’s like you’re speaking only to Corpse. “Remember what I said? You’re a master at this.” You’re laying it on thick, and for a brief second you think you’ve been too over the top.

“This is difficult,” Corpse says, and you see the seconds count down, your heartbeat starts to quicken.

“Corpse, stop being a fucking simp and vote her out!” Felix demands.

“Corpsie baby,” you drawl out and you smile in success as you hear him sigh, almost shakily. You’ve got this in the bag. The victory screen flashes up and you cheer.

“Fuck yeah!” you shout, patting yourself on the back. You laugh as you exhale the breath you didn’t know you were holding.

“Good game yn!” Sykkuno comments, the others agreeing.

“Not fair, you used your womanly wiles against Corpse,” Felix says.

“Gotta use them for something. Not my fault Corpse knows where his allegiance lies,” you reply laughing a little.

You stretch, your back crying out in pain from being hunched over so long. You let out a long, loud moan of relief as you straighten your spine, your shoulders relaxing as you move from side to side.

“Your mic’s not muted” Corpse points out, clearing his throat. You feel your stomach drop and your face instantly becomes hot. Shit. 

“Oh. Uh. I totally forgot about that,” you say, forcing out a chuckle. You screw your eyes shut, any happiness has been now replaced by red hot shame. “So this was fun, uh, really fun, but um, I’m gonna, I’m gonna go. So...yeah. Bye guys, have fun!” 

You click to exit without giving anyone a chance to say a word, and drop your head into your hands. 

“Can’t wait to see what they say on Twitter about this,” you mutter into your hands.

TAGLIST (if youre bold, it wont let me tag): @teenageguitarist @fanworrior  @cherry-piee @mirahg  @clara-bee @cookinglovingalien @vir-tual @clubfairy @youretheonlyonewhomakesme @more-like-reyna @boiled-onionrings @moneybagmgk @brendalopez99 @delicateavenuenacho @dreamsofficialwife @hydrate-tion @little-red02 

[thefanficmonster]

You Call It A Mess, We Call It Baking

Corpse Husband x Reader (Female)

Warnings: Swearing

Genre: Tons of fluff

Summary: A friendly argument via Discord leads to a baking session. Said baking session leads to a kitchen looking like it was the victim of a tornado. The lesson here is: don’t leave Corpse and Y/N in the kitchen together.

Requested by Anon, thank you so much for your request, hope I captured what you wanted well and I hope you enjoy reading it.

Corpse’s POV

I’ve been sitting in a Discord call with Y/N for about three years now, keeping her company as she’s editing some footage Sean sent her earlier. In the meantime, I’m reviewing the recently submitted stories by my viewers, reading some lines I find funny or downright terrifying to her.

“When I went in the kitchen to check on the cake, it was already out of the oven, a sticky note next to it on the counter that read: ‘smells nice’. My blood ran cold.“ I read the eerie sentence that is suggesting one of my most frightening scenarios - a stalker getting inside your house. I get chills just imagining what was probably going on in the sender’s head when they saw that.

“Jeez, it’s been so long since I’ve cooked something other than omelet.“ I hear Y/N reply absentmindedly, completely neglecting the fear factor of what’s going on in the story.

“Good job missing the point.” I chuckle, my eyes continuing to scan the email until my brain actually comprehends what she said, “Wait, you mean to tell me you have baked anything ever?! No offense, Y/N, but I was honestly doubting your ability to make an omelet as well. In all the years we’ve been friends I can’t remember you ever not saying ‘I hade takeout’ when I asked you what you had for dinner.” 

The scoff that comes through my headphones is the most adorable thing ever. She’s one to easily take a joke and never get offended by anything, but I know how heated she can get with her sarcasm. If I’m being honest, I’m always here for it. 

“There are many things you don’t know about me, Corpsy. A girl’s gotta have some aces up her sleeve.“ I can just imagine the narrowing of here eyes and the tilting of her head as she says that. She has a very specific way of expressing her thoughts. When we first met I accidentally made the comparison to one of those children’s books that have pictures, stories and small buttons for audio. That comparison has stuck with me and I look back at it very often. To fully catch her point, you don’t just listen to her. No, no, no. You focus on every change in her face and body. The way she looks away during certain parts of her speech, the way her voice plays with several different tones at once. Her posture while speaking. Just like those books - you don’t just listen to the audio, you look at the pictures and read the text.

“Well you know how much I like playing poker, why don’t you come over and throw those aces down.“ The last thing you should ever give Y/N is a challenge. She won’t only homerun it, but will never let you forget it either. When we met she was a girl with self esteem in the negatives, so seeing her brag about her achievements to me always brings me joy.

The details I’ve listed are pretty in-depth, aren’t they? That’s because I don’t want to let anything slip when it comes to her. This realization hit me early in our friendship and it was only like two years in that I finally connected the dots - this investment in her of mine was not simple nor platonic. Come to think of it, I reckon it never was.

“No way, I’m not changing out of my pajamas just to come to your house.” She laughs, once again making me picture her full body reaction to her statement.

I smirk, knowing I’m about to bring out my main weapon, “Oh come on, I’ve seen you in pajamas countless times. You can just admit you don’t wanna embarrass yourself. Don’t worry, I won’t tell anyone.”

I can sense her fuming even though she’s like two miles away. “I’ll be there in 15.”

She hangs up before getting the chance to hear me lose control of the laughter I’ve been suppressing. 

Man, I love this girl.

Y/N’s POV 

“It’s on.“ I say as soon as the door in front of me swings open to reveal the smug smirking face of my bestfriend. The foundation of my tough, unbothered act is shaken up by the outburst of butterflies in my stomach which occurs every time I see him. I can never look at this man and not turn at least a little red in the cheeks. 

It’s been long since I self-diagnosed with the malicious ‘falling for someone who would never reciprocate my feelings’ illness. I’ve been living with it for a while. What medication do I take? Dating other guys. One bad relationship after another, scolding myself that every one of them has been a desperate attempt to get him to change his gaze on me from ‘best friend’ to something more. Hell, I don’t even know how to define that ‘something more’. I once even tried to admit my feelings, but I was so vague and so incoherent that I didn’t understand myself, so how was he supposed to grasp my downright sad excuse of a confession. 

“No ‘hello’, no nothing?“ He moves aside to let me in. I walk right past him with a sassy flip of my hair to mask the nervousness of being aware that his eyes were on me, “Rude.“ He murmured with an obvious smile in his tone.

He looks as cute as ever, black sweatpants and a black tee, hair messy as though he has just rolled out of bed. I can say with the upmost certainty that he’s the only one who can pull of that hairstyle.

I hide mine as I throw on the apron that’s hanging by his fridge, ready to take over his kitchen and put those aces of mine to use. I can’t help but furrow my brows when I see him enter the kitchen behind me and lean against the counter. That’s when I notice the counter is lined with all the ingredients I’ll need for the cake I had in mind. 

“OK, what do we do first?“ he claps his hands together, straightening his posture as he gives me a expectant look.

It takes all my brain cells to prevent me from freezing up completely. I’m not usually like this, mind you, I’m a lot better at keeping what’s going on inside my head camouflaged. I don’t know what’s happening to me, but I don’t have much time to dwell on that. If I do, he’ll pick up on it right away.

“Um, we are not gonna do anything. I will be here baking, and you will remain outside the kitchen until I’m done. If you need something, ask and I’ll bring it to you. I can’t have you sabotaging my project, impostor.” I narrow my eyes at him like he’s the most dangerous of threats. And he is, for my mental sanity.

He fakes a hurt expression, clearly fighting to the best of his ability to hide how much he’s enjoying messing with me. “We’ve known each other for five years, Y/N. Don’t you trust me?”

I lean over the counter to where we’re about two feet apart and whisper, “Not. Even. A. Little. Bit.”

He smiles, “You’re just trying to get away with making this cake by watching a YouTube tutorial. Admit it, you can’t even crack an egg properly.” His eyes are now as narrowed as mine as we stare each other down at a proximity that’s rapidly raising my body temperature and heartbeat. It’s not fair. I’m a mess around him so he automatically has the upper hand.

As expected, I give in, “You better not mess around though.”

After I force him to give me several different oaths, we start. I’m working on the batter, he’s working on the frosting. We decided to decorate it with crimson and dark purple frosting. We’re both really pick about the color shades so he’s currently struggling to get the crimson perfect. 

“Let’s make it a layer cake.“ He suggests out of the blue, “Two layers, nothing crazy.“

I think it over for a moment or two before shrugging, “OK, but then you better grab a bowl and help me with the second layer. You know how to make the batter, right?”

He confirms that he does and walks out of my line of sight. I hear him open the fridge as I whisk the eggs I have cracked with the sugar. 

“You want something to drink?“ He asks while rummaging through the fridge.

I decline, try to focus on the recipe that I have somehow memorized to the smallest of details. As I’m reciting the it silently to make sure I didn’t skip any steps with the batter, I feel something cold run down my back causing me to scream.

“What the fuck was that?!“ I turn around and glare at him just as the ice cube slips out from under my hoodie and falls to the floor. The fucker’s laughing whole heartedly, not giving a damn that he just gave me a mini heart attack. Mainly cause I thought it was a roach or something, and he know I hate bugs.

“You do realize how boiling red you are, right? You look like a lobster. I thought you needed something to cool you down.“

Instead of being annoyed, I do a full 180 and decide to play his game, “Yeah, I know...” I trail off, reaching my hand back towards the bowl of flour. Grabbing a a handful of the white powder I throw it at him before he can even catch on. Needless, to say, his outfit and hair aren’t so black anymore. “Ah, I knew your hair would look good with snowflakes in it, but you can never be too sure.”

“This means war, Y/N.” His smile is borderline malicious, getting me excited for what’s to come. 

Him and I have always had these so called wars, but never like you’d imagine. We are silent, strategic, subtle. Neither of us knows when the other will attack until it’s too late. That’s why instead of going for a counter-attack right away, he heads to complete his mission of making the batter for the second layer.

All is quiet except the noises of the utensils clinking together every now and then. I keep a close watch on him out of the corner of my eye and I notice no sus behavior. That is until I see him take a spoonful of his batter and eat it. I whirl around at the speed of a gust of wind, eyes wide, “Do you want to fuck up your guts.” He ignores me as he takes another spoonful, bringing it close to his mouth. This time, I grab onto his arm causing the contents of the spoon to spill on my hoodie.

I roll my eyes, unbothered by the brown stain that by some miracle missed the apron and fell on my grey hoodie, “Don’t. Eat. The. Batter. Copy?“

“Paste.“ He nods, smirking with pride as he puts the spoon aside.

I sigh and return to my side of the kitchen, focusing on the next task: poring the batter into the circular baking tray which he, for some reason, has two of. He repeats the task soon after me and we put the two trays in the oven. I help him with the frosting, getting the shades close enough to what we had in mind. 

After about five minutes of the crusts baking, a wonderful smell spreads throughout the kitchen. At this point, all we have to do is wait for the oven to signal that our cinnamon crust is ready to be taken out, wait for it to cool down and then frost the cake.

“It smells really good.“ He comments, turning his head to look at me.

I’m sitting atop the kitchen counter and Corpse is standing next to me. This is the only time him and I are at approximately the same height. The realization brings a thought to my mind, one that makes me feel like an evil mastermind.

“Hey, remember earlier when you said I couldn’t crack an egg properly?“ He hums affirmatively, “Well...“

The carton of eggs is within arm’s reach. I grab an egg, chip it off the side of the counter and crack it apart above his head, its contents coating his hair. “How’s that for a proper egg crack?” I ask victoriously.

He lets out a surprised sound, something between a gasp and a laugh. Shaking his head to get the yoke to fall down, he says amusedly: “I don’t know...you tell me.”

Too late for me to do anything. There’s milk all over me.

The malicious smile on his face is replicated on mine and now it’s really on. However, as we reach for the items meant to be out weapons, the oven dings.

Frosting the cake goes about as well as you expect: there’s more frosting on us than the cake itself.

“Let’s make amends, please. I’m so not looking forward to taking three showers tonight.“ I say, raising a white napkin and waving it around.

“Fair enough.“ He shrugs and we shake hands.

As I’m about to pull my hand back, he holds onto it, making me look up at him. Our eyes lock and I suddenly regain that same shakiness and vulnerability I always have around him. It never leaves me, I just manage to ignore it. The sound of my panic is muffled by the sound of my heart thumping the loudest it has ever. 

Expectedly, he is the bold one who makes the first and final move. The move to end one era of us and start another. His lips touch mine and all fades. It’s just him and I. The friends who were never just friends. The cowards who suck at dealing with emotions. The fearful little kids that are afraid of rejection because we both mean so much to each other, to the point of suffering to prevent the possibility of losing one another.

We embrace who we are, finally admitting that friends is not what we are meant to remain forever.

The kiss might’ve been brief, but the meaning it carries makes it the most valuable moment of my life. One I’ll cherish forever. Something in his eyes tells me he will too. That’s all I need. That’s all we need. No words are necessary.

Suddenly, our bubble bursts as a result of his ringing phone. He lets go of one of my hands and takes his phone from the counter.

“It’s Dave”, he smiles, picking up the call and turning to get me in the camera frame. “Hey Dave, look who’s here with me.“

I wave at the camera and at the baffled face of Dave. “Hi!”

“What, in the name of God, is that mess?“ He raises both his eyebrows as his eyes scan us and the kitchen behind us.

“You call it a mess, we call it baking.“ Corpse and I look at each other and smile, blushing as red as the streak in Dave’s hair.

“Am I missing something here? Did I call at a bad time?“ He asks, still struggling to rationalize what he is seeing.

“Yeah, you actually did. I’ll call you back.“ Corpse dead-ass hangs up on him, putting his phone away before turning to me, “We have more important matters at the moment.“

He kisses me again, this time more confidently. His arms wrap around me and prep me up on the counter, insinuating that this kiss won’t be as short as the last.

[aprilwritesabook]

I appolgize in advance for this long ass post haha.

Alright, so here's the deal. This post is gonna be part rant, part confessional, and part inspirational speech. So if your following this blog purely for the updates on my books you can skip it haha.

I know a currently published author. I used to kinda be friends with them in highschool, but it was more like a friend of a friend type deal. But I digress. Point is. They recently released there second book on Amazon. And I really wanna be happy and proud of them, and to see it as an inspirational thing, buuuuut I'm almost 100 sure they are actually a fraud?

And that's not me being bitter. I really really really wish this wasn't the case. But I have the evidence to back this theory up.

1- they claimed that there first book sold out multiple times. And to be fair this one might be at least partially true. Its rated pretty high on amazon, But then again they only have 4 people rate it and three of those people are the editor formattor and artist for the book. Soooo. Yeah I sure hope they rated it well.

2- they are constantly posting stories to there social media that are far fetched at best. They work in a bookstore. And almost every other week its a slightly diffrent story about a customer who "didn't even know" he was the author who would "burst into tears" the second he told them what the book was about because they were just Soooo touched by the message that they wept to a total stranger??? If that had happened even once it would have been an odd occurance. And this is something that apparently happens alllll the time to them. (I hate to drudge up old memes like this, but)

3- this person has recently made a tick tock and a youtube channel. And like, the content isssss questionable? And that's not necessarily a crime or anything. But they give updates about it on social media as if they are speaking to a mass of adoring fans and like...you can see how many subs and views a person has. We know he dosn't have a big fan base. And I know that sounds harsh. But like, some more gullible people have asked him for advise on how to be "successful" and "gain a following", and he answers them with authority. Like he has the answers even though he clearly dosn't? And that feels really... disingenuous at best?

4- along the same vein as 3. They recently made a post on twitter about how they are "overwhelmed by the amount of love and support they have found on the site" and how they get "some many heartfelt messages." Annnd again. I clicked the account. They literally have 5 followers. And not a SINGLE person has EVER liked, retweeted, or commented on a SINGLE tweet of theirs. Not one. Soooo like not only are you pretending to have a huge fan base that dosn't exist your also making up there engagement with you? Which this alone I feel brings validate to my doubts about the other things. Clearly they arn't above blatant lying and extreme over exaggeration. And also they either don't realize we can all seeeee these facts. Or they don't think anyone will actually check and call them on it ?????

Now there's a lot of other examples I could give. But my point isn't to put this ONE person on blast. I'm not trying to start beef or cause damage to their reputation or anything. Which is why I won't say their name or what there books are. The only way you'd know who I'm talking is if you also knew them in real life. In which case you either already know all this, or you should, so you don't fall victim to their lies.

The reason I'm saying any of this at all is because I think I know why they are doing it. And why so many indie authors or would be media mogels feel the need to do this.

The issue with trying to "build an audience" and "self market" yourself, is that you really only have 2 ways of guaranteed sucess.

You either need to have a pre established audience based on success you've already had in the past. (IE youtubers and movie stars writing successful books cause there fans will buy anything of there's reguardless.)

Or you need to buy your way in. Be it by quitting your day job to make social media your full time job, buying ads, hiring a social media person,or hiring a team of people with their own audiences (audio book narrators, cover artists, managers, ect)

And if you don't ALREADY have an audience, and you don't have the funds to BUY your way in, then your just gonna have to get real lucky.

You can be lucky for knowing somebody with an "in". They work in publishing, or advertising, or they're your rich uncle. Just someone who you can go to to get that boost one way or another to get one of the first two methods going for you.

You can get lucky by commenting the right thing on the right post and gaining followers that way. Or by being in the right place at the right time to meet somebody important.

You can be lucky by having lots of supportive friends and family who will promote you and your work FOR you.

Or lastly (and this is in the realm of being a one in a million case here. So it basically never happens without one of the other things I mentioned also being true.)

You can be lucky by working REALLY hard, and being REALLY talented, and having the world actually NOTICE YOU somehow? Just one person with influence who can find you in your dark hole of insignificance and shine a light on you so now the world can actually seee you.

And that sucks.

You could write the greatest book in the whole world. Truly a masterpiece. But if nobody buys it or reads it because they don't know who you are??? Then it dosen't matter does it?

It sucks Soooo hard.

Because untill you get those people with influence to shine a light on you, theres nothing you can do. And the market is soooooo drenched in new indie authors that the odds of the right people finding and liking your book are slim to none.

Its super unfair.

The people who have the influence arn't gonna buy a book with 0 reviews and no social media following.

Why? Because THEIR brand depends on only recommending the good shit. And they need to find that good shit NOW. If they read every book written by nobody's online, they'd have to wade through ALOT of garbage. wasting all their valuable time and money till they found something worthy. And honestly, from a business stand point, you cant really fault them for that

This is where the lies come from.

So basically no matter how you look at it, or what your strategy is, In order to get fans, you need to ALREADY HAVE THEM.

When your just starting out. And I mean truly at square one. It really feels like the only way to "make it" is to "fake it"

If you PRETEND to have a big following. And you PRETEND your books are selling really well already. And you PRETEND that people care deeply about you and your work... Then there is a chance that nobody will do the homework to find out its all a lie.

And if they think your successful already, then it sends a message to the consumers brains of "well they must be good. Everybody loves it/them".

It sucks that so many people who have found real success did so with lies, cash, and being already well connected.

And then they buy it, and they follow you, and the confirmation bias sets in, and eventually you'll dupe enough people into liking you that you don't HAVE to lie anymore.

Those of us with no cash and too high a conscious to lie our way to the top are left with virtually no chance of succeeding no matter how hard we work or how good our content is.

And I'm not claiming to be "better than" or "more worthy" than anyone else. I wanna make it clear that of your in the portion of having it fake it so you can follow your dreams then more power to you. Its a valid strategy. I hate that it works and I hate that its the only option sometimes. But I don't hate the people as creators for "doing what it takes." I get it. Really I do.

And it suckks major ass that so many people feel like this is the only way.

My whole point here. Is that we have slowly built a system where this is our reality. And honestly? End of the day? There's not a damn thing we can do to change it at this point.

In a perfect world made of unicorns and puppies. I could say "hey lets all go ready books by completely unknown authors. Be the change you wanna see in the world." But at the end of the day, especially in the unfiltered world of self publishing, It would be a complete shot in the dark to spend your resources on something completely unknown. We rely on word of mouth, and "best sellers" and high following to do the work of filtering out the bad stuff for us and it would be unrealistic if not impossible to go back on it now. Even if we wanted to there algorithms and shit built into the code. You'll never find the books that Amazon dosnt want you to find unless you search for it directly.

Now comes the confession/inspirational bit

I know all of the above to be true...But I'm choosing not to care

I'm not gonna lie my way to the top. I'm not gonna hide my struggles out of fear of seeming inferior. So here goes

I struggle a lot with depression and anxiety. I've been working on it, and I've gotten so much better in recent years. But there are always gonna be times when I slip up and my mental illnesses take over

When I was writing my first book I felt really empowered and good about myself for finally getting past all my own barriers and following my dreams.

And then once I was done writting and editing and I was ready to show the world and get feedback. I flopped.

I couldn't find anyone willing to beta read. Those who said they would do it (even people who claimed they "couldn't wait") ghosted me after I actually sent it to them

I was hoping to get 20 people. I really wanted it to be the best it could be. Only 11 actully signed up. Of that 11, 5 people actually read it: My spouse, my brother, my best friend, and 2 others. Those two others read the first bit I sent them, took a few weeks to get back to me, said they loved it, but then Neeeeeeeeever got back to me when I sent them the next chunk.

Now you can look at all that and come to the conclusion that it sucks. I know I sure did.

The struggles at each step made me doubt myself more and more to the point that I almost gave up writing all together.

And I didn't want to take about it or how it was making me feel, even though it was having a serious impact on me. I wanted to bottle it all up and let it consume me. Allllll because I didn't want people online to write me off as a failure before even giving me the chance.

I wasn't lying about being successful. I was just trying to hide the fact that I wasn't.

And that's almost as bad. Because then all the new authors just feel worse about themselves and their journey because they think they are the only ones.

Your not alone.

Everyone is struggling.

We just aren't talking about it.

I haven't written a word in over a week because I've been so afraid my second book will be dead on arrival like my first.

And I KNOW somewhere out there is someone just like me whose thinking of giving up.

Don't.

Just keep going.

Do your best. And then come find another struggling writer and share with each other. The world outside might not understand your struggle. But another author might.

We can't change the market. We can't change the way social media works, or how people decide if they will buy things

But what we CAN change, is whether those of us within the community want to be honest about our struggles and frustrations. Or if we want to hide them away and lie about them for the sake of making more sales

I think by being honest with one another we can create a better network.

That way the next time you feel like garbage for not being an "instant celebrity" like everyone else. you can look at the community and realize that you were never the problem

If we just keep making new writing friends our collective reach will eventually take hold in the outside world. Don't wait for a random influencer to notice you. Just make one friend at a time. Be known amongst your peers and maybe the rest will follow

And if your a writer desperate for feedback, or just a friend to share your troubles with. Hit me up. My inbox is always open.

[lovehaswonangelnumbers]

New Post has been published on https://lovehaswonangelnumbers.org/a-massive-explosion-detected-in-ophiuchus/

A Massive Explosion Detected in Ophiuchus

A Massive Explosion Detected in Ophiuchus

ByMahala’s Astrology

Ophiuchus has held a special fascination in the Heavens for many people as the thirteenth sign of the zodiac. Here we have an image of a healer with two serpents representing the male and female forces which are the mirror of the Creator’s divine blueprint of life.

In my own explorations of Ophiuchus, I have felt him as a holographic representation of Moses holding the serpents and witnessing the burning bush. You might recall from the bible that Moses had a stutter and had also killed a man – you might say an unlikely candidate to be a primary prophet of God. It is in this part of his journey that God shows him two miracles – his staff turning to serpents and also the burning bush which doesn’t burn, to convince Moses to follow His will. As a result of Moses trusting God he is eventually able to liberate the Hebrew people from Egypt. This story has many metaphoric resonances for our time and if you haven’t looked at it as an adult delve into its profound mysteries.

The Goddess Asteroid Hygeia in my journey also connects to Ophiuchus. Hygeia was the daughter of Asclepius and again the symbol of the two serpents is connected to both figures. Hygiea, as the feminine counterpart, represents ancient lineage of healing that connects to sleep, dreams and altered brain wave states such as sound healing.

The BBC released this story of the huge explosion on the 22nd February 2020 – I’m not sure of the exact date it was discovered but given the numerology this is certainly a key date in which its impact filtered into our Earthly consciousness. 22 is the number in the Gene Keys which relates to the Opening of the Seven Seals. It coincided with New Moon in Pisces conjunct Neptune in the days that followed.

Supernova’s have been known to release incredible new information to human beings. For example, Human Design is said to have come from the Supernova of 1987 – the year of Harmonic Convergence. Many wonderful political events followed such as the Berlin Wall coming down and the end of Apartheid. The system of the Gene Keys then emerged from Human Design and is a system I myself follow and am infinitely fascinated by as it is all about unlocking the potential for light within our DNA.

It is a struggle to find harmony at the moment but that is I feel the essence of the work. In the post-election depression in the UK many people on the more progressive end have completely withdrawn from the media and politics – perhaps not such a bad thing. It is a fight sometimes to reach for love for the ‘other’ voters and for authorities who seem hell bent on harming both vulnerable people and the environment. The new government has started their rule with deporting many people from the Caribbean who have lived here all their lives. There is a hostility towards other Europeans, for example one commentator said how we can all go back to enjoying shopping again once other European’s have left. That is certainly not how I feel, I celebrate living in a diverse humanity. Britain like America is a split society at this time and the parallels are striking,

The BBC and media are also under attack and much like Apartheid South Africa, there are moves to control exactly what the media can and cannot say. Despite this though, the Prophetic side of me hears God whispering hope, knows that Christ is right here – is us all – for those who have ears to hear.

I recently discovered a wonderful audio book of an interview with Brother Gregg who runs an awesome project called Home Boys in Los Angeles, and the Buddhist teacher Pema Chodrin, who I often feel saved my life in the years I was an adoptive mother. The audio book is called Creating a Culture of Tenderness and by the end of listening to it I was right in that place of harmony. The job is to stay there!

Back to the explosion in Ophiuchus that was so enormous at first astronomers dismissed that it could be an explosion at all. It is 5 times bigger than anything previously seen and is more akin to the Big Bang happening again. Using low frequency radio wave telescopes astronomers have figured it out.

What does this mean for humanity? God works in mysterious ways, but I feel sure that perhaps many of us are receiving this download right now. We can certainly tune into it and see what emerges from that ‘void’ space. What has been birthed?

Below is an excerpt from the jovianarchive.comwebsite

Ra Uru Hu was not your traditional mystic: “I was conditioned to believe that science fiction was a genre of literature, that mystical revelation was simply a more antiquated form of the same, and that God, if not dead, was most likely a concept. On the evening of January 3, 1987, all that changed.” Previously a sceptic who didn’t believe in the mystical or even follow astrology, living as a hermit on the island of Ibiza, Ra’s experience changed him dramatically. He spent the next 23 years becoming the world-renowned messenger of the penetratingly accurate, immensely detailed Human Design System, which describes the mechanics of our being.

According to the source of the Human Design System, “The Voice” originated from a supernova – the death of a star. Scientists named it 1987A. This supernova’s last breath bombarded our planet with subatomic particles that transmitted the entire system into Ra Uru Hu, and seeded all of us with its information. One of the first things it told Ra was that the big bang was our universes conception point, and it has yet to be born. (My words – could this be the birth?)

Here is a link to the original BBC report https://www.bbc.co.uk/news/science-environment-51669384.

Here is a link to the Gene Keys web site https://genekeys.com.

By Alison Dhuanna

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1 Year of Learning Korean

One of the most popular questions I’ve gotten since coming back from Korea is: Are you fluent in Korean now??*

*Spoilers: I am not. 🙃

Looking back, I probably would have become more conversational if I had just done a 3-month intensive program. Although, compared to just learning by myself in the Bay Area, being in Korea definitely gave me more opportunities and motivation. I was placed in the high intermediate class for orientation (switched to low intermediate), but I would say that I’m now truly at an intermediate level. I think my Korean’s more or less the same as my Japanese (which has regressed a lot, and I only took 3 semesters in college) but with very shaky foundations. 

Anyways, here’s a brief timeline of what I did this grant year. Let’s go~

[Initiate lock n’ load montage]

July

Korean Intensive Program (8-12pm, 1-2pm M-F) 

Because of how the program was structured, I didn’t feel like I learned very much. This is partly why my foundation is so full of holes...we skipped around here and there. 

August

Korean Intensive Program

September

Korean was put on pause due to troubles adjusting to homestay

October

Occasionally did a few chapters of Billy Go’s Korean Made Simple at school 

Studied some Korean vocab 

November

???

December

I don’t think I studied Korean at all

January

Got a wakeup call when I spent 5 minutes trying to read the back of a sign at a smoothie shop and realized how slow I was at reading

February

Vocab grind (1000 Essential Korean Words), plan was to finish by the end of March. Two weeks of intense vocabulary cramming on Quizlet (did nothing in the end lol don’t try that)

Bought the Real Life Conversations Intermediate book

Studied Korean in Kpop lyrics

Started a side coding project to help my touch typing (K-pop lyric typing game)

March

Memorized dialogues from Real Life Conversations book with Lauren

Improved reading skills slightly by listening and following along with the audio recordings that come with the book

Read through the dialogues with the Korean literature teacher in my gyomushil

Continued to learn song lyrics

Wrote sentences with each new vocabulary word, got my co-teacher and the Korean literature teacher to check them (<-this was probably the most helpful game changer...it helped a lot with my spelling too)

Continued working on the K-pop typing game

April

Stopped learning new vocab at around Chapter 11 of Essential Words, focused on retaining old vocab through Anki flash cards

Finished the Go! Billy Korean Made Simple book that I bought ages ago (tbh it was too easy for me at this point but I was just too lazy)

Finally sat down and “learned” Korean verb conjugations (I’d just been going by gut instinct before…tbh I still kind of do 😅)

Kind of dropped the typing game after finishing the MVP 😅but I’m gonna try to finish it up now that I’m back

May

Started to panic about leaving Korea in 2.5 months but still sucking at Korean

Signed up for private lessons once a week for 90 minutes (My tutor asked me to give her a shout out. Her name is 서영심 (bwv830@gmail.com). If you’re in the Cheongju/Ochang area, she comes to you! She’s very professional and you’ll get your money’s worth.)

Started at the intermediate book that focused on grammar

Learned ~5 grammar points every week

Started writing and reading a lot more and actually seeing how words are spelled. The first time I saw 여기--a super common word (yogi) that means here--written out I thought it was so strange...not that I had thought it was 요기 (also pronounced yogi) but I just didn’t have a visual of it in my head, I guess.

June

Depressed about lack of improvement

Continued with private lessons but felt like I wasn’t really retaining the grammar dump from each week

At the very least, Korean homework kept me on track and made me practice even when I didn’t want to

Started Anki again since I hadn’t actively studied vocab since April.

An old K.Will song that I hadn’t listened to for a long time came up and I realized I could suddenly understand the lyrics. That was pretty cool and one of my small win moments.  

July

Feeling pretty hopeless with Korean

However, hung out with more Korean friends that only spoke Korean and felt like I was actually able to contribute to the conversation. (3 hours of Korean Listening ...🙃)

Was able to understand 70% of the conversation at my gyomushil’s final farewell lunch for me. I contributed to the gossip! 

Went home and immediately lost 50% of my Korean skills upon touching U.S. soil. 

So basically, after my burst of inspiration in February, my confidence and motivation in Korean just kept plummeting. Even now as I write up this post I feel an overwhelming sense of hopelessness. But I do want to highlight the progress that I’ve made since orientation.

Korean Reading

We were all supposed to be able to read Hangul before we came to Korea. Being able to recognize the alphabet is different from being able to read and also different from knowing the pronunciation rules and where to pause in your reading. During my first semester, my eyes would automatically glaze over whenever I saw Korean text. When the second semester started, I tried to force myself to read everything I came across - storefronts, street signs, advertisements on buses, etc. Even if I didn’t know what it meant, I would force myself to read it. Right now, I can navigate a Korean shopping website and read a menu semi-comfortably. I’m still waiting for the day when I’ll see English sounding hangul and be able to read it as fast as English. Although, I will say it’s really nice to be able to read the Korean titles in Kpop videos on Youtube, especially when I come across really old songs (like Super Junior’s No Other 너 같은 사람 또 없어) and realize I now know what it means. 

Also, a new world that has opened up to me is...노래방!! Karaoke is such an adrenaline rush. I’d compare it to sight-reading or DDR/rhythm games where you know something is coming up and the satisfaction you get when you get it right with the beat of the music is 👌. It’s so gratifying to be able to sing along...거기 너 I FANCY YOU 아무나 원하지 않아 HEY! I love you (LOVE YA)!! 

Korean Writing

Back during orientation, I couldn’t spell anything on my own. I knew words every koreaboo knew like 어떻게 and 괜찮아 but I couldn’t write it because I didn’t know how spelling worked. It’s no wonder my spelling didn’t improve since a) I didn’t write and b) I didn’t even read. Even now I still make a lot of spelling mistakes, but I pay attention to words when I see them. It’s still a very slow process, but now I can picture the hangul in my head when I think of the word. 

Typing: I started orientation with around 15 wpm, then by the end of orientation I got to around 30 wpm. Currently, I’m at 60 wpm when I start cold and after I get warmed up I can go up to 80wpm. Being able to touch type is so useful, especially when I’m typing up long sentences from my textbook and I don’t have to look up.

Korean Listening

Dare I say...my Korean listening is my strongest point??? I remember when I took French listening tests in high school, I would always lament with everyone else that they spoke too fast for me to understand. But interestingly, for both Japanese and Korean, I never had that problem. If it only contains words and grammar I know, I can understand it perfectly fine even if it’s fast. I intuitively understand most Korean verb endings and exclamations so it’s not hard to know which way the conversation is flowing or when to interject with “세상에,” “맞아 맞아,” or “말도 안돼.” I used to think my poor lack of vocabulary was the number 1 thing blocking me from understanding, but then I learned more grammar and realized the things I didn’t know. I do feel like parts of the fog are being lifted...sometimes...

Korean Speaking: 

I still feel pretty embarrassed when I speak Korean because there are some sounds that I can’t pronounce. Compared to orientation, I have a few more stock phrases tucked and ready to go, but I still feel unable to express myself. Every conversation will start out fine, but they’ll all stagnate to the same topics and sentences after a while. 

Complications with other languages

I talked about how knowing some Japanese and Chinese was both an advantage and a disadvantage during my beginning stages, but this is true even now. 

Ever since I started getting more comfortable with typing and spelling Korean, I’ve started seeing the actual Hangul in my head when I think/hear Korean. I’ve also started to associate the locations of the Hangul characters with their locations on the Korean keyboard. 

One day, I was trying to text back my mom with “那是什么?” (Na Shi Shen Me/What’s that?) but was confused because those characters weren’t showing up. Then I realized I was typing “sk” instead of “na.” Some of you guys might get it....because “s” is where ㄴ(n) is and k is where ㅏ(a) is on the Korean keyboard. Clearly, my brain can’t handle it. It’s interesting because both the Japanese and Chinese keyboard uses the same alphabet placements as English.

Another time: I was watching a Talk To Me in Korean video where Hyunwoo talked about how 하다 is a very versatile verb. I immediately thought about how the Japanese equivalent is 수루 and even mentally mapped it out on the Korean keyboard...before realizing this is WRONG, WRONG, it’s する not 수루 LOUISE WHAT ARE YOU EVEN DOING. (They are both pronounced suru)

What’s next? 

Now that I’m back in the States, it’s going to take even more determination and self-discipline to keep up with my Korean. But I really don’t want everything I’ve worked towards to just wash down the drain. I’ll aim to finish my intermediate grammar textbook and grind anki flashcards. Hopefully, I can find a language partner or a study group. We’ll see! 

[lovinitkpop]

Brown Sugar and Honey

This one is about a new girl group at SM. You could say EXO sister group there may be a love line put in it who really knows. I mean I know but then again I might not know. Heads up I’m sorry for any spelling mistakes or grammar mistakes after rereading it over and over I can’t deal with it.

Oh the reason I came up with this title is because the main OC is black and DO KyungSoo looks damn sexy and handsome when his skin is dark and tan and NOT WHITE WASHED!!!!! STOP THE WHITE WASHING!!!!!!!!

If there is a love line then it will be my first Kyungsoo series. Hope you like it but if you don’t guess what I don’t give two shits leave my blog then. Anyways enjoy bye.

Warnings: Fluffy, Angst, Language, Bullying, Stupid, May not make senses, Brain frat, May not have smut, Trigger, Suicide talk, Racism, Blood, etc.

Pairing: OC x DO Kyungsoo

Chapter 23

February 4, 2019

The girls sit around talking for a bit as the music plays. The girls were guest on NCT’s Night Night show after a busy schedule.

“Okay so we are here with Royal 1004 talking about their two most recent singles.” Jaehyun says smiling as he looks back up looking at the girls.

“Yes Nightingale and Broken heart.” Johnny says looking at his notes. “I like Nightingale more plus the video.”

“Aren’t you in the video?” Jaehyun says looking at Johnny. The just laugh watching as Johnny smiles sheepishly.

“That’s because he’s Nessie unnie Romeo.” Eunjin says smiling watching them.

“So tell us Romeo why do you like the video?” Jisoo asks smiling evilly as she looks at Johnny.

“Well I like it because; it’s like the video you girls did for MAMAs it’s strong and hints at much more than you are letting on.”

Renesmee hums looking away as she just sits there sipping from her bottle. “Both songs and videos are really dark and mysterious.” Johnny continues as he looks at them girls.

The girls nod as they listen to him speak. “True they are dark but they could pull a 360 and turn back into the cute princess.” Jaehyun speaks up looking at Johnny.

Renesmee hums with a smirk as she looks down at her lap. “You’ve been rather silent tonight Nessie?” Jaehyun says looking over at her.

Renesmee smiles evilly taking another sip of her drink. Jaehyun then looks at Moka as she smile. He then turns looking at Johnny as he also takes a sip of his drink.

She tilts her head running her fingers through her hair. “I have no reason to talk anymore.” She gives a short and simple reply.

“Really you have nothing to say?”

“That’s right even if I did no one would listen to me.” She speaks leaning on the table watching him.

“It seems you have been talking less ever since the end of last year.” Jaehyun tilts his head looking at her.

“Well you know me, I’ve always been the shy type.” Renesmee smiles looking at her drink. “Is there something you want me to say?”

“Why don’t you tell us the meaning of all this.” He asks waving his hand and she sits up sitting back in her chair.

“Aw but where’s the fun in that?” Renesmee speaks teasing them as she pouts. “If I were to just tell you it will make everything boring.”

“Come on tell us about the drama everyone wants to know what’s going on.”

“Wolves are very protective over Romeo; isn’t that right?” Renesmee speaks as she looks at Johnny.

“Yes.” Johnny says nodding his head.

“What about you?” Jaehyun asks.

Renesmee smiles evilly humming. “What about me?”

Jaehyun sighs rubbing his temples. “What happened to you; did you lose your wings people want to know.” He speaks trying to get some answers.

“Wow and angel with no wings.” Sora says shaking her head.

“If I lost my wings I’d think I cry.” Roxay speaks pouting as she leans her head on Renesmee.

“But she did lose her wings?” Jaehyun says his voice sounding confuse. “Right at the concert the video….”

“That shadow thing ripped your wings?”

Renesmee smiles watching Jaehyun trying to figure it out. “I think people are reading too much into it.” She says pushing her hair back.

“Since I know what will happen I will tell you.”

“Please because this is all confusing me.” Jaehyun says shaking his head.

“Okay nothing is happening and nothing happened okay for us to lose our wings we must go against the greater power.”

Renesmee speaks nodding her head as she hold her mic. “And or someone destiny has changed and their fate is altered.”

“Okay fine good next question will there be a kiss scene?” Jaehyun asks causing Johnny to choke on his drink.

The girls start laughing looking over at him. “Come on the fans want to know; you push him away like every time he tries to kiss you.” Jaehyun continues speaking.

“Love is a tricky game especially for an angel so maybe she’s not sure if she ready to kiss him.” Moka says resting her head on her palm.

“You know he is only human after all.” Eunjin says smiling.

Renesmee hums watching them as they speaks. “I don’t know I don’t trust him still; there’s no way he’s human.” Xiaoling speaks folding her arms looking at Johnny.

“You’re right how do you really know if I’m human?” Johnny goes along with the bantering.

“I knew we shouldn’t have trusted him.” Jisoo says eyeing Johnny and he smirks leaning back in his seat.

“Oh come on you can trust Romeo, I would do nothing to hurt an angel.” Johnny smiles looking at her. “Weren’t you the one to pick me to play the part of Romeo?”

“We only picked you because you and Nessie unnie make a cute couple.” Yiyang says watching him now Renesmee coughs choking on her drink.

Roxay and Chaoxing both start laughing watching her. “Well then why don’t we get into Royal 1004 second single Broken Heart.”

Renesmee looks over at Yiyang as Jisoo hands her napkin. Yiyang just smiles watching her and Renesmee sighs getting up. Renesmee walks out the room pushing her hair back.

“I was only kidding; okay maybe not 100% but still I was just messing with her.”

“She’s not mad.” Roxay says as she sits there looking at her phone. “Trust me she’s fine.” She says nodding her head.

February 10, 2019

“SM has confrimed that Renesmee of Royal 1004 will stay with the group until the end of their first tour.”

The girls sit there watching a YouTube video. “It seems some people have mixed feelings about her leaving.” The males says looking at some notes.

“New photos and videos have popped up of Nessie having meetings or being scolded at on many different sns.”

“There are also photos and audio clips of her being bullied by managers and other workers; now I have heard stories of how idols and trainees are treated but these new findings have me worried.”

“Would you guys stop watching that and go to bed.” Renesmee says placing her bag on her shoulder. “I’ll be back and before you ask I’m fine promise.”

She smiles before leaving the dorm. The girls sit there looking at the hall before looking back at the tv. “You don’t think she’s hiding something do you?”

Renesmee makes her way back to the company. “Hurry up you’re late!” One male yells hitting her on her back as she walks past them.

“Okay I want you to go over the dance we’ve been doing!” The choreographer says pushing Renesmee to the middle of the floor.

“No slacking you wanted to stay in the group for the tour; so that means you keep your end of the deal.”

Let’s go back shall we; you see here back in December the girls had their first meeting about going on tour. So with that being said they were still talking about kicking her out the group.

But Renesmee begged to stay saying she’ll do anything. So they’d agree to let her stay if she did what they told her to do. After they agreed to let her stay that’s when the torture started.

With the late night meetings and dance practices. She was there more than anyone now. They stopped letting her help or choreography their dances. They started changing stuff little by little.

They gave her anything and everything to keep her busy. Even doing coffee runs for them. And if they didn’t like what she was doing; then she’d paid the price. If she didn’t follow what they told her she’d paid the price.

And she did all of it taking everything they throw at her just to stay. Did she tell the girls of course not. They still thought everything was okay. Which they aren’t things are very far from being ok.

Renesmee didn’t mind to much. It did help keep her up. Which she was happy about, because if she was up she couldn’t sleep. But she hardly sleep anyways. If she didn’t sleep she couldn’t have the same night terror.

Which is the main reason she didn’t sleep in the first place. She’d rather go though all this pain just to keep those images out her head.

Renesmee closes her eyes as she dances the same dance for like the 80th time. The choreographer hums watching her and he grabs one of the canes and throws it at her feet.

“Wake up!” He yells just as the cane rolls under her foot as she steps down. Renesmee gasp feeling her foot slip. She hits the floor twisting her ankle.

“Get up and start over.”

“Yes sir.” Renesmee looks at her ankle seeing the bruises from the other day still there. She quickly pushes herself up and starts dancing again.

Once she finishes doing the dance for the 1000th time she makes her way to the meeting room. “About time you got here.”

Renesmee bows apologizing to everyone. Once she is seated they start the meeting about the tour. “Now we already went over everything with you and the girls but we may add something.”

Renesmee nods sitting there listening to them. After 6 hours of sitting there her manager walks in. “What are you doing in here?”

Renesmee jumps standing up bowing. “Uh um…” Renesmee looks around the room not sure what to say. “They asked me for my help.” She lies looking at the floor biting her lip.

“Go back to the dorm now!” He says looking at her and she bows grabbing her bag limping out. “I told you all to leave her alone.”

He says scolding the others as he stands there. “You stay out of this.” One man says pointing at him.

Her manager smirks folding his arms. “Leave her alone you don’t know who you are messing with.” He speaks watching them.

“You are doing nothing but causing trouble for everyone.”

“No that….th…that thing…” The man speaks getting angry. “That unruly rude black fat ass is causing trouble!” He says and the other nod standing behind him.

“Back off or else last warning.” Her manager says before walking out the room.

February 14, 2019

“And next time you call your manager for help we won’t be so easy on you.” One of the males in suits says kicking Renesmee again she lays on the floor.

“Now get up!” One yells looking at her and she winces as she struggles to get up. “That’s a good girl now why don’t you put on your happy smile like always and go before you cause more trouble.” He speaks patting her cheek laughing.

Renesmee nods smiling as she picks up her bag. She sighs as she walks out the room closing her eyes. Renesmee makes her way to the bathroom closing the door.

She looks at the sink coughing tasting the blood in her mouth. “You can get through this….” She speaks closing her eyes. “You promised you wouldn’t leave them….”

Renesmee spits into the sink sighing. “Just do as they say….don’t cause trouble….” She keeps speaking as she fights to keep standing up. “Don’t let anyone know….don’t let them see you cry…don’t show them the pain….”

“Don’t ask for help….you can take the abuse….” She says her voice shaking as she covers her mouth. She winces in pain biting her lip. “Being bullied and abuse is nothing new to you….just have to keep quiet until it’s over.”

“Keeping quiet is the only way you’ll live….” Renesmee nods wiping her face as she fixes her hair. “Just keep smiling like always.”

Renesmee nods before pulling out her phone. “I need to buy bandages and wraps, also pain pills for ankle and ribs.” She says typing on her phone making a list. “Oh and a wrap for my wrist, gotta hide these bruise till they disappear.”

Renesmee smiles nodding as she looks at her list. “Right now smiles and be happy.” She says putting her phone back in her pocket as she walks out.

Renesmee walks down the hall bowing to everyone smiling. “Noona!” Chenle and Jisung screams running over to her. Chenle smiles hugging her.

“Hey boys.” She says hugging them laughing ignoring the pain. As they stand there Renesmee looks up seeing WinWin walk over. He bows looking at her. “Hey WinWin.”

“Hi….uh manager hyung is looking for you two.” WinWin says looking at Chenle and Jisung. They both pout looking back a Renesmee.

“Go we can hangout later promise.” She says letting them go. They both nod before running off again. “Well I’ll see you around.” She nods as she turns to walk off.

“Umm noona could you make me some of that stuff too.” WinWin asks rubbing the back of his neck. He looks at the floor biting his lip.

“Really you want some too?” Renesmee asks speaking in Chinese. WinWin hums looking back up hearing her.

“Well I tried some of hyung and it was good.” He says finally looking at her and he smiles shyly. Renesmee nods pulling her phone out making a note.

“Okay when I make theirs I’ll make you some too.” She says nodding putting her phone up. WinWin stands there watching her for a bit. “Is there something wrong?”

WinWin blinks shaking his head. “I uh well you seem close with other people…” He starts off rubbing the back of his head. “Uh I…you…can we…never mind….”

Renesmee smiles covering her mouth. “Are you saying you want to be close with me like the others?” She says biting back a giggle and WinWin looks back at her hearing her.

“You do know I not really close with everyone.” She asks and he nods looking at her. “I love to be close friends with you but…”

WinWin hums watching her as he tilts his head. “But what…why can’t we be close?” He asks and she giggles covering her mouth again.

“I like skinship as to where you don’t.” Renesmee says rocking on her toes looking up at him. WinWin smiles looking down at the floor then back at her.

“For you I can handle it.” He says putting his hands in his pockets. She smiles back at him tilting her head to the side. WinWin looks at her in disbelief. “There’s no way you were born in 95.”

“Yup in China on the 24th year of the pig.” She says looking up at him. WinWin lifts a brow watching her. She smiles watching his face. “The fans are right you are cute.”

WinWin covers his face feeling his face get red. Renesmee smiles biting her lip watching him. WinWin groans wiping his face shaking his head.

“No I won’t let you win, I can handle the teasing and skinship.” He says sounding like he was trying to convince himself more than her.

“Do you think you can?” She asks and he closes his eyes nodding. WinWin opens his eyes looking at her.

“Unnie!” Eunjin runs over to her with Moka and Yiyang. “Guess what!”

WinWin looks at them bowing and they bow back. “What?” Renesmee asks looking at them and Moka pulls out her phone.

“Our mv has over 10 million views within 3 hours.” Moka says showing Renesmee and she hums looking at the screen. Yiyang smiles nodding looking at the screen.

WinWin pulls out his phone pulling up the video. “I see well then we should go we have a stage today.” Renesmee looks at them then back at WinWin. “Bye bye Sicheng.”

Renesmee says waving to him as she leaves. WinWin freezes hearing her use his real name. He blushes waving back before going to find the others.

“Let’s go girls.” Their manager says walking pass them. They nod following him to the vans. Once they get there the girls get ready for their stage.

Renesmee manager pulls Renesmee to the side looking at her. “Are you okay?” He asks looking at her and Renesmee bites her lip pulling free.

“I can’t cause trouble.” She says backing away from him. He looks at her then looks at her arm. “I’m fine I don’t need he….”

She starts to speaks but he grabs her arm and she gasp as he pushes against her side. Renesmee falls to her knees shaking and he sighs. “Your ribs are bruised and so is your arm.”

Renesmee groans pulling free getting back up. “I get your my manager but you are making it worse.” She closes her eyes going back to the others.

The girls get on stage getting ready to prerecord One Wish. Once they finish they go and get change for their live stage.

“Hey sis you okay you’re starting to shake?” Jisoo says placing her hand on Renesmee shoulder. Renesmee grabs her tumblr taking a sip of her drink.

“Yeah I’m fine sis.” Renesmee smiles looking up at her as she sits there. Jisoo smiles nodding before walking to the door. “Let’s go out there and have fun.”

February 24, 2019

Renesmee walks up to NCT dorm holding some bags. She knocks on the door waiting smiling as she hears Ten and Jungwoo fighting to get to the door.

“Really guys calm down.” Johnny says opening the door. “Nessie!” He says smiling and she bows watching him.

“You wanna grab the boxes right there?” She steps to the side ticking her head to the side. She steps inside bowing to the others. Johnny nods walking over grabbing the boxes following her.

She walks down the hall following the sound of the yelling boys. “Noona!” Chenle says seeing Renesmee and she smiles.

WinWin pulls him back walking up to Renesmee in three steps. “Happy birthday.” He says speaking Chinese and Renesmee hums as he hugs her.

“Hey!” Chenle says looking at WinWin as he wraps his arms around Renesmee. Renesmee giggles watching him and she looks up at WinWin.

“I’m her baby back off.” Chenle says pulling Renesmee away from him and she looks at him.

“How are you her baby?” Taeyong asks sitting there watching him. Renesmee hugs Chenle then bows to the others setting the bags down.

“Since when are you her baby?”

“Since she told me I was.” Chenle says looking at Taeyong and he smirks.

“He’s not lying.” She adds.

“Here you go boys.” Renesmee smiles as she pulls out the tumblrs. “Are you all making sure that you are washing the others out?” She asks before looking at WinWin handing his.

“Wow I get my own?” He asks and she nods smiling.

“Yeah you have to have your own it has your own symbol.” She says looking at him smiling and he nods.

“This is how you spend your birthday?” Taeil asks watching her and she nods. “Really?”

“Well they were doing one of those things where I can spend my birthday with the fans but…”

“You’re not going are you?” Johnny asks taking his new tumblr. Renesmee bites her lip sighing before looking at him.

“No one will be there, so why go?” She says looking at him and he shakes his head. “Plus for some reason my manager doesn’t want me up at the company at night anymore.”

“Because you over work yourself.” Ten says sitting on the couch looking at her. He grabs his tumblr taking a swig.

“Anyways no mixing them you guys.” She speaks pushing her hair back. Johnny opens one box.

“Why does this one have my name and that has Chenle?” Jisung asks looking at the boxes.

“I talked to your boys manager getting info; only drink from the one with your name.” She points to them and they nod.

“It will help with your health and diet.” She rubs her neck tilting her head to the side. “This should last till the end of next month.”

Johnny nods smiling picking up one box. Taeyong grabs one and Ten grabs the last one. “We had to convince our manager we needed a second fridge for this stuff.”

Jisung says as they put the boxes up to keep them cold. Jungwoo and Kun come walking back holding some bags. “Happy birthday noona.”

They say handing her the bags and she gasps holding them. “You didn’t have to get me anything.” She says looking at them then down at the bags.

“We know but we saw them and knew we had to get it.” Kun says smiling as he watches her. “Besides we have the other set.”

“Yeah we had to ask Jisoo noona for your size.” Jungwoo says nodding and Renesmee laughs as she nods pulling out the jacket.

Mark walks in with Haechan holding bags as well. “We got you something too.” They say putting them on the table.

“We all got you something.” Jaehyun smiles bringing more bags out and Renesmee covers her mouth looking at the bags.

“Yeah some of us did the couple clothes and some of us got you other stuff.” Doyoung speaks and she nods looking at everything.

“You’ll know what is from who.” Mark says nodding and she hums.

“Oh me and Ten got you extra stuff to go along more with our group.” Taeyong says looking at the bag then smiles pointing to the black bag.

Ten smiles wrapping his arms around Renesmee. “For our devil leader.” He says and she tilts her head looking at him.

“Speaking of devil I may have a few new songs for us.” She says wiggling out his arms picking up some of the bags. “But I have to go so I will talk to you boys later.”

WinWin grabs some bags as Jungwoo takes the ones from Renesmee hands and she pouts. “Bye.” Chenle says hugging her.

“Bye bye my baby.” Renesmee smiles again hugging him. Renesmee then bows to the others waving bye. She heads to the door walking outside to her car.

“Thanks boys.” She says thanking them as she bows. The boys shake their head putting the bags in the car. She hugs them bye before getting into the car.

Renesmee looks at her phone sighing as she takes off down the road. She makes her way to EXO house looking at the time. She walks up to the door knocking carrying three boxes.

Chanyeol opens the door and hums seeing the boxes. “Uh?” He says looking down and Renesmee tilts her head hearing him. He jumps back then takes the boxes.

Renesmee follows him inside looking around. “Nessie is here.” Chanyeol says and Jongin jumps up running over taking a box then the bag out of her hand.

“My supply is here yes.” Jongin says smiling pulling out his tumblr. Renesmee bows to the others looking at the floor. “Why haven’t you been answering my calls and text?”

“Umm busy?” She says looking down at her feet thinking. “Yeah I was busy.” She nods biting her lip.

“You’re fucking lying Nessie.” He quips watching her. Chanyeol walks back from the kitchen holding his tumblr.

“Okay wolf boy you have your supply take it easy.” She says looking back towards the door. “Wolves don’t even drink blood.”

“Not true.” Kyungsoo says walking out the kitchen. “When wolves kill their prey they drink the blood as they eat the meat.”

He stands there drinking from his tumblr. “Right.” Renesmee says backing away nodding.

“Happy birthday!” Minseok says walking over hugging her. Renesmee closes her eyes sighing. “You don’t sound happy?”

“No um it’s not that just a little hard to breathe.” She says pushing her hair back stepping away from him. “To many hugs today.”

“But you love hugs.” Baekhyun says watching her and she looks away.

“Nessie your ankle has been swollen for a good while now why?” Junmyeon asks looking at her and she freezes.

“I have to go, I still have to stop by Red Velvet sunbaemin.” Renesmee turns walking back to the door but Chanyeol grabs her wrist.

“Ow!” She screams looking at his hand. He pushes her sleeve up looking at her. Renesmee whimpers trying to pull free.

“There are bruises all over her arms.” Chanyeol says looking at the others.

“I’m sure that’s not the only place either.” Jongdae says and she looks over at him.

“Stop running.” Chanyeol says pulling her back and she sighs. Renesmee looks at the floor pulling free.

“Like I told my manager I’m not going to cause trouble.” Renesmee looks up at him before looking away. “Don’t worry about me beside you boys have a tour to worry about.”

Renesmee starts to walk away but stops looking up seeing Jongin. “What are you hiding?” He says looking at her and she sighs shaking her head.

“Move.”

“No.”

Renesmee scoffs looking away. “See I can get past NCT but you boys notice everything.” She folds her arms watching him.

Renesmee pulls her sleeve down sighing as she shakes her head. “What did you mean Chen?” Minseok asks looking at him.

“That’s because we care about you.” Sehun says and the others nods agreeing with him.

“Thank you but I’m fine.”

“Are you really leaving?” Jongdae asks standing up and she freezes hearing him. “Are the stories true about what’s been going on?”

“How do you know about that?” Renesmee speaks her voice cold and hard as she turns to look at him. “I made sure they were taken down.”

Jongdae shakes his head looking at her. “Well I was watching a video and it popped up.” He speaks watching her and she scoffs.

“What are you talking about?” Junmyeon asks looking at Jongdae.

“They we’re kicking her out after their first tour; she’s been getting hurt just….”

“Don’t.” Renesmee says looking at him her eyes cold and hard. She stands there her heart pounding. “Don’t say another word.” She balls her fist up as she stand there.

“What is going on?” Kyungsoo steps up looking at her and she sighs. “Start talking.” He says his voice hitting her and she looks up.

“I’m not leaving and my ankle is swollen because I fell during practice.” She says lying looking at them. “They told me to stay off of it but I don’t listen so that’s why it’s like that.”

“I really think it’s cute how you all worry about me…” Renesmee bows to them smiling as she stands back up. “But really I’m fine I promise you guys.”

“Fine we’ll let it go.” Junmyeon says nodding before walking to his room. He walks back holding a box.

“Not you too.” She whines pouting looking at the wrapped gift box. “I said no presents.” She looks at the box taking it and Junmyeon just laughs.

“Hey I’m not the only one.” He says and she looks back seeing the other gifts on the table.

“Just put them with the rest in the car.” She pouts looking at the floor. Chanyeol and Junmyeon grab the gifts taking them to the car.

“Hey hyung where is your gift?” Jongin asks looking at the gifts as they carry them out. Kyungsoo shakes his head walking off drinking his drink.

“Shouldn’t you be sleeping or something.” He replies and Renesmee covers her mouth trying not to laugh.

“D.O oppa I’m fine really you don’t have to look so worried.” She says and he stops looking back at her. Renesmee smiles looking at him and he nods.

“Since when are you two friends again?” Baekhyun asks looking at them.

“Don’t ruin it.” Kyungsoo says looking at Baekhyun before heading to his room. Renesmee looks back at Jongin with a smirk.

“Wipe that smirk off your face or I talk.” Jongin says and her face drops as she stands there. “That’s what I thought.”

“Are you always this mean?” She asks looking at him. “Bye and thank you.” Renesmee says leaving heading to Red Velvet dorm.

Once Renesmee drops off their supply she heads back to the dorm. She sighs as she makes about 10 trips back and forth bring her gifts into her room.

“Can’t believe I have to sit out of promotions because of my ankle.” She says changing clothes. She sits on the bed wrapping her ankle back up.

She rest her head on her knee sighing. “Maybe there is a way around this?” She says looking at her foot as she wiggles her toes.

Renesmee looks over hearing her phone ring. “Hello.” She says standing up grabbing her bag.

“Well are you coming down?” Kyungsoo says and she smirks walking out the door. Renesmee end the call heading outside. As she walks out she pulls her hat down looking at her phone.

She opens the door getting into the car looking at him. She buckled up as she closes the door. “You know for someone who said they are to busy to date you don’t seem too busy.”

“Shut up.” He says pulling down the street and she just laughs. “So want to tell me the rest of the truth.”

“I do but I can’t at least not right now.” Renesmee says looking down at her lap. Kyungsoo hums reaching over with one hand grabbing hers. “Like I said before I’m okay promsie.”

She looks at him and he nods lifting her hand up to his lips. “Okay good.” He smiles holding her hand.

“So what did you get me?” She asks and he just laughs hearing her.

“You have to wait.” He says and she pouts looking at him. “Mm the pout won’t work on me.”

“Fine where are we going?” Renesmee asks pulling her phone out her pocket.

“Well seeing how it’s too cold to go to your favorite spot I called your mom and ask can we use the house.” Kyungsoo says looking at her and she hums tilting her head.

“You seem very close with my mom.” Renesmee says as she leans in closer looking at him. Kyungsoo nods looking back at the road as he drives. “Why is that?”

“One because she helped me and two your surprise is at the house.” He deadpans and her face lights up.

“To the house!” She points sitting back up smiling. Kyungsoo laughs shaking his head turning the corner. After a few more minutes of driving Kyungsoo pulls into the driveway parking.

He looks over at her before turning the car off. “Come on before you pass out from excitement.” He says getting out the car and she smiles following him.

“Are you going to tell me now?” Renesmee asks walking behind him holding his hand. Kyungsoo shakes his head opening the door. “Come on please.”

“Calm down okay.” He says laughing walking in taking his shoes off. Renesmee takes her shoes off before looking back up.

“I smell chicken!” She says running down the hall. Kyungsoo laughs closing the door before following her. “Ahhh a giant penguin!”

Renesmee yells jumping up and down clapping her hands. She runs over to it jumping on top of it. Kyungsoo laughs watching her as he takes her picture.

“It’s so fluffy!”

Renesmee smiles hugging the giant plushie penguin. She then looks up hearing him as he walks over. “Having fun?” He asks sitting on the couch next to her.

“Yes!” She smiles still laying on top of the penguin. Kyungsoo laughs before patting the spot next to him.

“There’s more.”

“Really?” She asks sitting up and he nods pulling a few bags out. “Ooh gimmie gimmie.” She says sitting next to him and he laughs covering his mouth.

Kyungsoo smiles handing her the first bag. Renesmee looks at the bag smiling. “What is it?” She says looking back at him.

“Open it silly.”

Renesmee hums taking the paper out looking in the bag. “No way you got me the new gaming controllers and headphones.” She screams tapping her feet on the floor smiling.

“I know how much you love gaming so why not.” He says handing her another bag. She bites her lip still smiling.

“Ahhhh!” She screams again pulling the paper out seeing part of the outfit already. “Constellation and galaxies pjs and hats.”

“Yes and the other bag has them as well but hoodies.” He says watching her then looks back at the kitchen. She nods hugging her pjs feeling the material.

“What’s next?”

“Here.” He says handing her a box.

Renesmee hums looking at the box as she holds it. She shakes the box holding it up to her ear. “Really?” He sits there watching her tilting his head.

“Just open it already.”

Renesmee smiles ripping the paper off tossing it to the floor. “Hmmm aren’t these yours?” She asks looking at the sweaters.

“Yes they are I know you love taking my sweaters when ever you get the chance.”

He says standing going to check on the food. “I even know that you ask Kai or Chanyeol to take them and give them to you.” He says watching the chicken and she hums her face heating up.

“That’s cause they smell like you.”

“Mmhmm but there still more.” He says taking the chicken out the fryer. “Look under the sweaters.”

Renesmee hums going through the sweaters. “Well what is it?” She asks trying to find what he is talking about. As she lifts one of the sweaters a black box fall to the floor.

“Huh?”

Renesmee leans down picking the box up. Kyungsoo looks back over watching her as he fixes their plates. She sits back up looking at the box pushing the sweaters and hoodies to the side.

“Are you going to open it?” He asks pouring two glasses of wine. She slowly blinks nodding as she bites her lip opening the box. Kyungsoo smiles watching her face as her eyes widen in shock.

Renesmee covers her mouth seeing the heart necklace. Kyungsoo reaches over taking the necklace out the box holding it up. “I had it custom made.”

Renesmee turns her head looking at him. “Added the wings and a shooting star.” He says smiling and she blinks looking back at the necklace. Kyungsoo tilts his head looking at her and he chuckles.

“Do you not like it?”

Renesmee shakes her head processing his words. “Turn around so I can put it on you.” He speaks watching her and she slowly turns her back to him. She reaches back moving her hair out the way.

Kyungsoo chuckles watching as she moves slowly and he places the necklace around her neck. “Your own wishing star.” He says as he clips the hook on and she lets go of her hair looking back at him.

“Happy birthday Tweety bird.” He says looking at her. Renesmee leans into him tilting her head. She blinks gently placing her hand on his thigh as she leans in.

Kyungsoo looks at her sitting there with his hands in his lap. Renesmee presses her lips against his closing her eyes. Kyungsoo tilts his head closing his eyes.

Kyungsoo reaches up with his hand touching her cheek gently rubbing his thumb across. Renesmee slowly pulls back looking at him. “I love you.”

Kyungsoo looks at her smiling and he nods. “I love you too.” He says before kissing her again. Renesmee grabs his other hand leaning into him more smiling. She pulls away hiding her face in the crook of his neck.

Kyungsoo chuckles looking down at her. “What has gotten into you?” He laughs watching her and she shakes her head. “Come on lets eat now.”

[sabrinaleethings]

Writer’s Block: The Good, the Bad and the Ugly

Howdy internet!

I haven’t always been a writer, in fact only within the past few years I’ve started doubling down and taking writing seriously.

I went to college for illustration back in 2015, and it was then I hit my first mental block when it came to artistic inspiration. It sucked! I remember distinctly two separate pieces I had to do where I couldn’t for the life of me get the pencil on my sketchbook, and ended up handing in my assignments late because I couldn’t for the life of me get through whatever artistic block I was struck in.

That leads me to now- artist block and writers block varies from person to person. Sometimes mental health issues like depression or anxiety causes people to avoid writing (or drawing etc.) - and sometimes make it physically impossible get anything done. If you know that this is one of the main factors in keeping you from doing what you want to do, please talk to someone! Seek help from someone you trust, whether it be a friend, your family, or even a doctor!

Now, if there’s more to your story (pun fully intended) and somehow you’re finding yourself stuck in the middle of a scene or a random dialogue, or terrified to write very beginning of your piece, I’ve got a few tips and tricks I use to bust through the mental wall and create some kick-ass products!  

Let’s do this!

Let’s Start at the Beginning, shall we?

So, before you’ve even started anything. Let’s say your given a task or you have the itch to write- you know the one where your hands are BEGGING you to type something, or write something, but you just....can’t? 

Happens to me all the freaking time. Here’s what I do:

If I sit down somewhere to type or write and my mind is like a huge bowl of pudding, I move my booty. 

Sometimes changing your work space, or even the physical location of your body can clear up some of the gunk in your brain. 

Instead of sitting in your bed (like I usually do) move to your desk, take a notebook outside on your porch, sit on the couch (with the TV turned off), go to your local library or bookstore, become a hermit in a cafe somewhere- you’d be surprised at how well this works!

Skim through some of your favorite books for inspiration

This gets your brain moving in a “writers” kind-of way!

I like to flip through my Maggie Stiefvater books and read random scenes, or (my favorite) read some poetry (My go-to being “Our Numbered Days” by Neil Hilborn) 

Check out some art or fanart from your favorite fandoms or artists!

Now, don’t let this be your excuse to procrastinate and get stuck on tumblr for hours on end (*cough cough* @me) 

The key here is to yes, scroll through tumblr artists, instagram drawings, or even your favorite art book, BUT while doing this, let your mind wander. Imagine your own scenes or scenarios in your head while you do so-you’d be surprised how easy it is to clear the clutter in your head when you let yourself zone out and relax! 

Now, the ugly sorta trick that I do sometimes (even though it’s gonna sound awful). 

Just do it. *Insert Shia LaBeouf*

Put your hand to the paper, put your fingers on the keys, turn on your audio recording device and just bullshit something. 

If I’m sitting at my computer with severe mental block about a scene I’m writing, and I can’t seem to break the funk, I just start typing something. Alot of the time it’s a “what would happen if...” and I write it. Usually it begins like a rusty machine, rough and crappy, but once you get your fingers moving and your thoughts begin to just lay themselves down on the paper or on the screen, most of the time your good to go and the mental block is gonzo! 

White Space Anxiety

Whatchu talking about, Sabrina? Wellllll have you ever got a new notebook and you just, cant wait to start writing something in it, but suddenly nothing seems worthy to be written down? Have you ever opened a new word or google docs document and suddenly your fingers forgot how to word? 

Lots of peeps, (me included) suffer from this type of writer’s anxiety and it prevents us from actually writing anything- total writer’s block!

Whelp let me help with what I’ve found that works:

Skip the first page!

If you got yourself a fancy new leather bound, engraved, blessed journal, or a fresh new staple’s notebook with the fancy cloth cover, just flip past the first page (the one where a bookplate or “title page” would go-) and start from page 2 or on.(If you’re super desperate like me, start five or six pages in!) By doing so, you’re tricking your brain that you’ve already written in said journal and most of the anxiety about making things “perfect” go away!

If your typing on a document, turn the font to like, a hundred!

I sometimes do this if I feel I keep focusing on the quantity of words I’m able to pump out on the first page, rather than what I should be writing. 

By super pumping up that font size, you’ll fill the first few pages faster and almost immediately, and the happy hormones in your brain are gonna be like, “yes! you’re writing, good job-keep going!”

Once you’ve written like six or seven pages (maybe more depending if you went for the 150 pt font) reset the size back to normal when you feel like stopping or you feel like you’re on a roll, and voila! You’re on your way to a productive (and self-satisfying) day!

Okay, now that you’ve gotten at least something written and you find yourself in the middle of an idea or scene and suddenly ... dun dun dun You’re mind is drawing a blank. Writer’s block has fully set itself inside your noggin right in the middle of all your hard work, what do you do now!? 

Writer’s Block Right in the Dang Middle

It sucks, and it happens.

Sometimes if you’ve been working a lot, and you’re not realizing how exhausted your mind actually is - it can feel like it turns off sometimes. 

If you don’t have a strict deadline, and you’ve gotten a bunch done, sometimes taking a break is what you need. It sucks, because I know how much you want to write, but your mental health comes first and you deserve a break too! 

Whether you just take a walk, or go grab some wine or juice, give your brain a break!

Do something other than writing- go stimulate other parts of your brain, come back, and see the difference!

Along the same line, if you do indeed have a deadline sneaking up on you and you’ve got yourself a bunch more to do but get stuck, try these things:

Take a short break.

Short meaning don’t spend hours and the rest of your day/night trolling through the internet or lose yourself neck deep in conspiracy theories on YouTube (I feel personally attacked here)

Save your work, get up from your spot, and leave the room if possible.

Leaving your room and physically moving your body, gets your blood pumping again and wakes you up subconsciously and that alone can help! 

Drink water. H2O. Agua.

Sometimes, after I’ve been typing for what feels like forever, I don’t realize how much time passes, and suddenly realizes it’s been four hours and I haven’t had anything to eat/drink.

It’s easy to get dehydrated and as living beings on this place called Earth, we need water. Sometimes drinking a big glass of ice-cold refreshing water is just what your body needs to do its job! (Did I make you thirst? Good, drink some water! Take care of yourself!) 

If you’re in the middle of a scene and can’t physically put into words what happens next:

Skip the scene!

Don’t stress yourself too badly on it if it’s not coming to you naturally. Move on to the next part in your piece, and start with a fresh idea! (You can always go back after, and finish/include the part you skipped!) 

Re-read the last couple paragraphs you’ve written, and change up the last couple sentences (sometimes even paragraphs). Completely re-write them, or get rid of em!

Sometimes a writer’s block in the middle of the scene can quite possibly be your own novel or piece’s way of telling you that you’ve dug yourself into a little bit of a ditch and now you have to climb out of it. Meaning the way you’ve ended things in the previous sentences, don’t allow for a good, fluid transition into the next part of the scene.

Totally re-write the scene or idea that your working on!

I can’t tell you how many times I’ve deleted entire pages of crap that I could not continue to write, because I kept getting stuck.

Sometimes after fleshing out a scene or idea so perfectly, things become stale and unable to be continued simply because there’s something, some element or transitioning, just doesn’t work. Taking a great big hypothetical rubber eraser and getting rid of everything might just be the way to go!

More simple things to do if you find yourself with a writer’s block in the middle of your piece

Plan out what you’re going to write.

If you’re a ‘pantser’ (someone who writes without any, or very minimal planning beforehand) sometimes you need to plan your next moves - not only will it allow you to better flesh out your plot, but it can show you possible plot holes that you’re stuck in at the moment. It can also give you a very specific direction to move in if you know what happens next. 

Change the music you’re listening to/ put on some tunes if your not!

Google “inspirational quotes for writers” ... trust me on this one.

Go make some food... and then come back quickly after!

*Make sure it isn’t a super carb-heavy or ‘thick’ food- you don’t wanna be sleepy afterwards!

And along with the previous point-brew some coffee or tea!

Curse. Heavily. Outloud.

Of course this all depends where you’re located.

And if you can’t curse, or don’t like to, sing loudly to yourself or yell random things out loud!

Ideas include: “Let it go, LET IT GO...” “I will write this fudgning piece of doo doo even if it kills me! You got this, you lovely, talented writer, JUST DO IT.”

In conclusion to this super long, probably-never-will-be-read-post- writer’s block happens, and it is something that can be overcome if you allow yourself to try something different! 

Holy guacamole that was a long one- sorry about that.

Anything I’m missing? What have you tried that has actually worked? Let me know!

[peachywise]

Hey everyone, so I’m writing this post to outline my brief history on my mental health, how certain things started, and how I deal with said certain things. I’m currently writing this at 1 o’clock in the morning, dead tired, but unable to fall asleep because as soon as I shut my eyes, my brain starts to panic, my arms lash out, and I’m left in this utterly frustrated, unforgiving position.  I’m hoping that writing this down will somehow be therapeutic, and maybe offer insight to others as to what exactly my day to day life is like with social anxiety, general anxiety, and panic disorder. I always know I feel a little better hearing about some of your guys’ stories, knowing I’m not alone and learning new tips on how to deal with it. Who even knows if and when I’m going to post this, but read under the cut for a rather long synopsis on life with Lucy.

So, I think generally everyone used to think I was a shy kid during my elementary school years, but I knew I wasn’t. With friends, I was often the most outgoing of the bunch, but with new social situations and new people, I would shut in on myself, nervous about saying the wrong thing, or overstepping and causing trouble or my parents getting upset with me. I grew up in a household with a mother who was a teacher, and a father I used to write diary entries about how much I hated him. My dad has a lot of anger issues, and would lash out at nearly anything our family said if he was having a bad day, or was progressively getting annoyed. I feel the need to point out it wasn’t exactly verbal abuse, but it bordered it. (I have a much better relationship with my father today then when I was a kid.) Me and my older brother of two years talked a lot about how we thought they would end up getting a divorce, until I graduated high school, for a clearer picture.

I am still afraid of bothering my parents and keep to myself a lot of the time with what I’m feeling or dealing with.

When I went into middle school, we moved from an extremely small town (I’m talking I went to a k-7 school with 200 people in it) to a very big city with a grade 7-9 school with over 800 people in it. My high school grad class alone was the biggest in my province at the time, of all time, with well over I think 1000 people. I was very shut in, but had an amazing group of friends but got heavily tormented and bullied pointedly by multiple people in our class. I think in grade 9 I realized I really had a lot of issues connecting with people, and I couldn’t understand why people who were “shy”, like actual literal shy people, didn’t understand what I meant when I said I was constantly afraid I was annoying my friends, and I truly believed everyone hated me, but if they talked to me, they were pretending just to be nice.

I think highschool really was when I was like “Oh. This is anxiety.” Because I was a lot more aware of what that really was, and how it played apart in my life. I knew I would go through depressed bouts, but I never really wanted to say I had depression because it wouldn’t necessarily stay, and I knew what it looked like with friends who suffered from it. I now realize, with the help of my doctor, that those bad depression bouts are just symptoms from my anxiety when I’m getting bad and shutting in on myself.

I’m twenty years old now, and I’ve never been in a relationship. Never kissed anyone minus a couple of dares and a recent stint in the play Sense and Sensibility where I had to mack with the dude playing Edward Ferrars.  I lose friends often simply because I am awful at keeping in touch (this is more or less my inability I seem to have at replying to facebook/text messages, I’m a lot better with just hanging out in person and catching up that way). My closests friends understand that even if we don’t talk for awhile, I’m still very much invested in their lives. I have two very very very close friends, Georgia and Isobel, who I’ve known for about 8+ years who are my core group and family. They are the two people I trust most in the world, could tell anything to, and without them, I think I would be a very different person, unable to work through problems. I know for a fact I can lean on them.

Now, I’ve learned to really accept the fact that yes, I have anxiety. I’m okay with it, and I am very open in telling people right off the bat. “I’m sorry if I come across as cold at first, I have issues communicating, getting to know people ect.” I only make room in my life now for those who understand, or at the very least make an effort to, because it saves me from a lot of pain in the future

ON TO MY PANIC DISORDER:

I developed this when I was eighteen years old. I had dealt with anxiety near my whole life, but minus a couple of small hard to breathe moments in my final year of high school, I’d never suffered a panic attack.

My first one triggered it, I assume.

I’ve mentioned on here a couple of times that my biggest fear is my brother dying. We aren’t by any means best friends, but he’s family, and as a kid, I would have reoccurring night terrors that my brother would die. Even now, the only nightmares I have that even scare me a little are one’s where he dies. I’ve had to leave sleepovers before because I would wake up sobbing.

In 2016 my brother and I went to a concert in a city a few hours away. I brought a friend, he brought a friend, and our parents came with. The morning after when we were supposed to leave, we decided to quickly stop by the mall and a couple of cool shops. When we were at the mall, my brother had been saying he wasn’t feeling great, just feeling off. When we went into a comic book store an hour later, I was behind a shelf looking at some stuff when I heard a crash and ran over to look. My brother was on the ground, and all I saw was blood running down his face as he had a seizure, and I immediately turned away and started panicking as the store clerk and my parents rushed over. My mind had registered the blood as him crying blood, and I honest to god thought I was witnessing my brother dying right before my eyes.

It was a long seizure, over five minutes, and when it finally stopped he was unconscious for I think a minute or two before he woke up as the paramedics started helping him. He couldn’t remember anything, thought we still lived in our old town. When we went to the hospital, we waited to see what was happening, but no tests gave us any answers. He finally got his memory back, however, but he still doesn’t remember the seizure which really isn’t uncommon I think.

Oh, and the blood on his face was from a cut on his forehead, because when he began to seize and he dropped, he slammed his head on the glass counter.

He was discharged later that night, and we went home the next day. They think it was a seizure brought on by stress.

Seizures now are unfortunately a trigger for me. It’s taken me a long time to even be able to watch them happen on TV. I was recently at a concert, The 1975, when a girl behind me had a seizure and I immediately had a panic attack and had to leave the venue.

My first panic attack after that was in my first year of college on public transit (public transit had always been a stressor for my anxiety, I had only just started using it that year).

My panic attacks basically make me think I’m about to have a seizure. My head gets these weird tingles, I can’t feel my hands or feet, I start shaking, and I honest to god feel what I can only describe as an overloading static in my brain. I thought I was going to have a seizure and die on that bus.

After about the fourth panic attack, I went to my doctor and got prescribed Ativan. It took me forever to actually take it when I had a panic attack, because I was too nervous to start a new medication. That’s anxiety for ya.

I took it once, but it didn’t work too well, and I never took it again and just kind of suffered through them. I still do.

I still have times when I walk through a mall or a crowd and I start to feel faint and panicky, and need to leave as soon as possible. I also have troubles staying in hotels or going to a big city.

At the start of last May, my night panic attacks started. Every time I closed my eyes, I would freak out and spend four hours or more shutting my eyes, having a panic attack, waking up, and repeating that over, and over, and over. That’s what tonight is.

My parents ended up having to take me to the doctor after we went to stay in a larger city to visit my grandpa after surgery, as the entire time I was panicking, unable to turn it off. The. Entire. Time. They almost had to take me to the hospital the first night because I was in the hotel room crying and freaking out, unable to fall asleep, get enough water, etc. It happened the next nigh too, until I left.

I got prescribed an anti-depressant, meant to knock me out at night. It gives me really bad dry mouth however, and makes me feel weird and makes me dissociate more than I already do. My doctor suggested I try taking  gravol instead, since most over the counter sleep aids are just that. It works wonders, and it’s the only thing that can knock me out in up to 45 mins - 1 hour when I have these bad nights.

Here are some tips for falling asleep at night as well, if you have panic attacks but don’t have anything like melatonin around;

I find background noise helps. I noticed that my big issue when I have to sleep alone at night is the quietness and feeling so alone. I have a television in my room, so I turn on the home channel at a very low volume. The light the TV makes and the voices kinda trick me into thinking it’s sort of day time, that people are up and moving, so I can sleep.

If you don’t have a TV, I suggest finding an audio book on youtube or Spotify and turning that on. Focus on the words, trust me, your body is tired enough that it will clonk out as soon as you stop focusing on your panic.

I can’t sleep in silence. On nights when I’m not feeling anxious at all, I turn on my sleep playlist with bon iver and stuff like that. If I’m feeling a teeny anxious, I turn on my film score playlist, with pretty instrumentals. If I’m feeling hella anxious, like I may have a rough night ahead of me, I turn on ocean or rain sounds on an app I use.

Stay hydrated. If you feel anxious, drink some water, make some tea (no caffeine.)

I also feel I’m way more susceptible to panic attacks if I have caffeine in my system. I can’t drink coffee at night or in the mornings. Afternoon is typically fine since I’m at my least likely to panic during that time, but morning and evenings are a no no. It makes me way too hyper aware of my surroundings and everything starts to kinda blur together.

I feel the need to point out that I’ve never gone to a counsellor, but I know I should. My doctor keeps telling me I should, so I can get prescribed something more daily that will help me with my general anxiety. My mom hasn’t been the most understanding of my mental health, there are a lot of issues with our relationship. A lot. But, it’s gotten to the point where she’s seen me have these breakdowns, seen me have these weeks where I am asleep all day, unable to even talk to anyone. The next time I’m in a bad spot, she’s going to take me to a counsellor.

I think that’s it.

Yeah.

I highly doubt anyone read this long, and I’m not even sure how coherently put all this was, and I’m sure I’ve missed a bunch of other key details, but I think that’s it.

Please know that if any of this sounds familiar to you, I’m always here to talk, to understand, to listen. Still to this day, I really can’t open my mouth and say something without immediately regretting it. I fear that every snapchat I send, every message I make, annoys someone and they hate me. I fear my friends all hate me. I register the fact that these are irrational thoughts, not true, but hey. Feelings are feelings.

Thank y’all for reading this.

[cyanwings]

i'm sorry you aren't feeling good, my bean! 33, 20, 18, 2, and 1

@jimmy-valmer

It’s okay! I mean, it sucks big time cause I feel like a truck ran over me from the body aches but I’ve handled worse. I’m a WARRIOR!!!

ON TO THE MIGHTY MEMESS~!!!

ANIME QUESTIONS MEME - Accepting!

1. best anime you’ve watched

So for the record, I’m excluding “Avatar: The Last Airbender” & (2003) “Teen Titans” shows cause people consider them animes when they’re only anime influenced so they’re out. But, this is SO hard! It’s like picking my children, it just feels impossible to do! Though, if I HAD to pick just one, it would have to be…… ( 2003) Kino’s Journey!

Why? Well, let’s ride right into the world of “Kino’s Journey” or in it’s original title “Kino no Tabi.”

“ The world is not beautiful, there fore it is.”

Let’s start with the story, which tells of the journey of a traveler named Kino and their motorcycle, Hermes, while they visit a long range of countries as they meet different people along the way. The actual fact is: there isn’t one solid story but 12 short stories that link together not by episode order but by events. And yet the fact that each one of this stories manages to give a deeper meaning than the whole plots from many animes amazes me till no end! Kino finds herself in the midst of these societies - some of which have downright appalling practices. Each episode approaches a theme of society, like censoring, violence, communication problems, right or wrong, the ability some people have to bite the hand that just feds them, and so on. And every time I watch each one, I found myself enjoying this series more than I should have.  

As Kino travels throughout the world and becomes acquainted with the people who inhabit it, it becomes clear that each of her encounters is essentially a separate journey into the labyrinth that is the human psyche to explore one of the many elements that make it up. The issues touched upon in the series ranges from the tendencies of humans to blindly believe in prophecies to the consequences of not having a self-conscious.

There is a wide range of characters as expected from an anime that tells about travels all over the world. While some of them are forgettable, some of them also stay in your mind. Although it is clear that neither Kino nor Hermes is the main focus of the series, together they play an essential role in its series. 

In terms of being a likeable character, Kino has become my favorite anime character ever! They inspire me in so many ways and I’m always glued to the screen every time their role comes into play. Although they appear apathetic at first, they’re a caring and understanding person. Kino travels through different countries to experience their customs and understand the citizens, but they never stay longer than three days, as they’re afraid of settling down, and would decrease of being a traveler. They’re also intelligent, skillful, extremely wise for someone so young and still as unpredictable as a teen could be. Though not fond of killing, they will do so if necessary without feeling remorse. Especially, towards those who attack them or the innocent. Kino has truly become one of the most unique characters I’ve ever seen.

Hermes, Kino’s talking motorcycle, acts as the perfect companion to his owner. Not only are his conversations with Kino very enjoyable to listen to due to the his humour, the series also allows for further exploration on his character. I won’t lie that I found it odd that we were suppose to just roll with the fact that he speaks but as the show grows over time, you do learn to accept it and that’s not the most unusual thing you’ll be seeing in the series either. He’s also the closest thing that Kino has to a friend and it just makes their relationship heartwarming a lot of the time. In addition, considering the theme of the series is the nature of humanity, his presence as a non-human makes their discussions even more interesting. You have no idea if he’s truly real or just in Kino’s head. But, whatever the case may be, he’s a fun character to journey with!

The dub is honestly one of the best that I’ve heard and I’m usually REALLY picky when it comes to English audio in anime. It was done at A.D.V films, which are the people responsible for other great dubs like “Princess Tutu”, and they do an AMAZING job!

Kelli Collins voicing Kino was the highlight of the entire dub! Her acting glues you into her role to her character and you’re just amazed of how well she fits the Kino. Especially, giving the young traveler a sense of maturity to such a young teen. It’s a shame she hasn’t been active since then and didn’t return for the reboot of the series. ( Even though it was a disaster so maybe it was for the best. ) Kino’s voice actress succeeds as the perfect person to voice such a outstanding character and how she brings her to life. I honestly can’t even picture anyone else to play the role but her. Hermes on the other hand is a hit or miss with viewers. Cynthia Martinez voicing Hermes comes off with a cartoonish boyish voice who I could definitely see annoying it’s viewers.  But to me? It honestly works! The way Hermes asks certain questions and their responses makes sense that they act childish or ask very out-looking questions of the situations at hand. Not not say he’s immature. He’s actually the voice of reason but, Cynthia shows great promise with the role. And you’ll see why once you go into this series head on.

Overall this series holds a special place in my heart. It doesn’t have that nasty fan service or anything too over the top like a Shōnen show but, it helped me get a better understanding on how humanity works and even thinks at times. In life, we don’t know which path to take but that’s the journey of it. You just get up and travel to find out what’s up ahead for you. To see the world for what it is with all it’s good and bad parts. Kino searches for life’s answers, life’s questions, and the interpretations connected to them. Destination is a state of mind; Drift along for the ride~!

2. worst anime you’ve watched

Oh gawd, this is just torture! Just when I think I can finally be rid of trash like this I have to go back and look in the bin again lmao

Let’s see…. I think I would have to say…. “ Master of Martial Hearts.” Why didn’t I say the famous “School Days?” I could but I wanted to do a different hate this time since this one made me beyond pissed off! “School Days” at least had the main lead get what’s coming to him cause we all know the douche bad deserved what was coming to him so I was fine with the insane out come. But this? HELL NO!

I found this series out by amazing reviewer, JesuOtaku, back when Youtube was starting to get popular and I always agreed with her reviews. I’m SO glad I saw her review first before stumbling upon this nasty series. First, we got under aged girls, and women in general, getting their clothes completely ripped apart as they fight one another cause why not? Screw plot! And it’s just an endless scenes of just wtf??!! I didn’t watch the series but I saw enough of it through her long review. AND…what pissed me off the most is the ending. Dear gawd! THE ENDING! This series only has 5 episodes but once you check out the last one? It deserves two middle fingers straight at it cause F*CK THIS SERIES!! No seriously, don’t even check it cause it’s just horrible. Just awful!! It’s just the worst anime to me and always will be!

    18. favorite villain

This is gonna sound strange but I instantly KNEW who my favorite villain was gonna be and I couldn’t be more ready! When there’s a great hero there’s also a great villain. Out of the horrible characters did I choose? Johan from (2004) “Monster.”

“ There’s nothing special about being born. Not a thing. Most of the universe is just death, nothing more. In this universe of ours, the birth of a new life on some corner of our planet is nothing but a tiny, insignificant flash. Death is a normal thing. So why live? ”

–Johan

The story focuses on Kenzo Tenma, a young Japanese doctor working at the Eisler Memorial Hospital during in Germany the 80′s. He is a very skilled highly brain surgeon. However, Tenma grows increasingly dissatisfied with the political bias of the hospital for treating it’s patients, and seizes his chance to change things after a strange massacre brings the twins Johan and Anna Liebert into his hospital.

Johan has a gunshot wound to the head and Anna keeps muttering about killing. Tenma decides to operate on Johan instead of a politician who arrived afterwards. Johan is saved, but the politician dies. After this Tenma loses his social standing, lost his promotion, basically everything, and not soon after that the twins escape. The top heads of the hospital are found dead the same night the twins escape. Tenma is then promoted to chef of surgeon.

After that the story advances to nine years later. A known criminal is found on the street, hit by a car. He comes under the care of Dr. Tenma, who observes him muttering about a “Monster.” Tenma extends his kindness to that criminal, and thus the criminal begins to open up to his doctor.

Following his trail to the construction site of a half finished building near the hospital, Tenma finds the man. The man, who has developed a sort of doctor-patient friendship with Dr. Tenma, warns him against coming closer, and pleads with him to run away. Tenma refuses, however, and the identity of the man holding the gun pointed at the criminal in the abandoned parking garage is revealed to be the boy whose life Tenma had saved nine years ago - Johan Liebert. Johan shoots the criminal, tells Tenma that he could never kill the man who had saved his life, and then walks off into the night while Tenma is still too shocked to stop him. I’m not gonna spoil anymore to the plot cause it’ll ruin the experience but WOW! What a series!

On the surface, Johan is a well-mannered, charismatic and compassionate young man. He possesses a favorable of traits and can easily overwhelm individuals with his seemingly flawless nature, as others describes him as being not of this world. This makes it easy for him to make new allies and manipulate them into doing various deeds for him. With such skill in creating this facade of perfection and pureness, Johan can hide his true motives with ease.

Johan delivers destruction and suffering to those who happen to fall prey to his schemes. Johan exhibits psychopathic tendencies. For example, most of his murders, both in childhood and adulthood, have been premeditated and calculated.

Johan often shows a complete disregard for life by pointing to his forehead, inviting Dr. Tenma to shoot him.

He also has a tendency to make his victims experience the worst possible loss and suffering rather than actually killing them himself;

Everyone NEEDS to check out “ Monster ” cause it does not disappoint! Even just check out just for it’s villain and the amazing english dub! Trust me, it’ll be one incredible wild ride!

  20. favorite costume/character design:

My girl, Mina Ashido from “My Hero Academia” / “Boku no Hero Academia”!

“The old you’s not going anywhere with that emo look on your face! If you overcome that gloomy self of yours… let me know. Or else I’ll start spreading rumors about high school debut man.”

—

Mina Ashido

    33. most underrated anime in your opinion

Since I already talked about “ Kino’s Journey” & “ Monster”, I’ll decide another great underrated anime people need to see and that’s “ Princess Tutu.”

“ May those who follow their fate be granted happiness; may those who defy it be granted glory.“ - Miss Edel

In a fairy tale come to life, the clumsy, out-going, and gentle Ahiru (“Duck” in the English Dub) seems like an unlikely protagonist. In reality, Ahiru is just as magical as the talking cats and crocodiles that inhabit her town—for Ahiru really is a duck! Transformed by the mysterious Drosselmeyer into a human girl, Ahiru soon learns the reason for her existence. Using her magical egg-shaped pendant, Ahiru can transform into Princess Tutu—a beautiful and talented ballet dancer whose dances relieve people of the turmoil in their hearts. With her newfound ability, Ahiru accepts the challenge of collecting the lost shards of her prince’s heart, for long ago he had shattered it in order to seal an evil raven away for all eternity.

Princess Tutu is a tale of heroes and their struggle against fate. Their beliefs, their feelings, and ultimately their actions will determine whether this fairy tale can reach its "happily ever after.”

The title may seem off putting to a lot since it sounds like some girly anime but don’t judge a book by it’s cover~! This series has so much going for it and it’s honestly just outstanding! It may be predictable at the beginning ( Had the same trouble with the first season of “Avatar: The Last Airbender” ) but, it becomes something you just never expected; A complex and tragedy story.

You honestly feel for every single one of these characters once their parts are given into play. And the fact that they use real classical music that compliments the dance scenes so well done. You feel the dramatic effect once our main leads come into the spotlight. The intense just rises from the music and for the dubbing too. I said back in my “Kino’s Journey” part of the ask that this was dubbed by A.D.V. Films and it’s one of my favorites ever! It’s not just one or two actors that shine, every single person portrays their characters with flying colors. I was just amazed of how incredibly well done they did!

I could go on and on about the characters but they’re all such a surprise that I rather not spoil it. This is genuinely a heartwarming show to experience for yourself. Classical music, beautifully choreographed dances, and memorable characters make for an experience worth having in all of Princess Tutu’s world. A modern fairy tale for the ages.

[corvidblade-a]

          ❛ AND EVERY DAY IT STARTS AGAIN. ❜

A ZEVRAN ARAINAI PLAYLIST. ( spotify link ) ( youtube link ) -- analysis incl.

cw: suicide , abuse , torture , murder.

–

GRACE KELLY - MIKA

i could be brown / i could be blue / i could be violet sky / i could be hurtful / i could be purple / i could be everything you like / gotta be green / gotta be mean / gotta be everything more

--- zevran can be anyone you need; he’s trained to be the best of the best, the honey pot, the lover, the poison. he has to be useful or be extinguished. what do you want, baby? he can make that happen. adapt or die.

BEFORE I EVER MET YOU - BANKS

before i ever met you / i never knew that my heart could love so hard / before i ever met you / i never knew i could be enemies with disregard / before i ever met you / i never knew i liked to be kissed for days / before i ever met you / i never knew i could be broken in so many ways

--- zevran’s vulnerable for two people: it’s a test, it always is, and he’s willing to fail for rinna and taliesen. before them, he was strong, and after them, well. he’s weak, heart fragile and so full of love he doesn’t know what to do with. before he met them, he never knew.

BELIEVER - IMAGINE DRAGONS

singing from heartache from the pain / taking my message from the veins / speaking my lesson from the brain / seeing the beauty through the / pain / you made me a believer / pain / you break me down and build me up / believer

--- the crows are efficient. heartless, ruthless. there’s beauty in it: in the blood and suffering, twisted bones. zevran believes. he has to, or he’ll break. he believes in the pain, the message. he revels in it.

I FOUND - AMBER RUN

and i’ve moved further than i thought i could / but i miss you more than i thought i would / oh i’ll use you as a warning sign / that if you talk enough sense, then you’ll lose your mind / and i found love where it wasn’t supposed to be / right in front of me

--- a relationship song: he wasn’t meant to love. he wasn’t built for it. it was trained, beaten, broken out of him. yet here he is, falling faster than he thought possible, opening himself up more than he was ever allowed.

AFTERDARK - BLAQK AUDIO

you know we have nothing by silence of day / i couldn’t speak to you / i have nothing to say to you / well the words aren’t coming / no the words aren’t coming / by day they are far too stark / well the words mean nothing ‘til they’re turned to fire / by who we become after dark

--- after the death of taliesen, a door of zevran’s past finally closed, and he is free. he doesn’t know how to voice how grateful he is. they have nothing to say, really. it’s also applicable after rinna dies; he and taliesen... their scars never really heal.

FLAWS - BASTILLE 

all of your flaws and all of my flaws are laid out one by one / a wonderful part of the mess that we made / we pick ourselves undone / there’s a hole in my soul / i can’t fill it, i can’t fill it / there’s a hole in my soul / can you fill it? can you fill it?

--- zevran is... not broken, really, but twisted, warped. he’s trying so hard to be what he thinks someone wants: a whole man, without demons lurking in his shadows. he picks himself undone. there’s a hole, and he latches onto whatever makes him feel complete.

BELIEVE - THE BRAVERY

something’s always coming you can hear it in the ground / it swells into the air / with the rising, rising sound / and never comes but shakes the boards and rattles all the doors / what are we waiting for? what are we waiting for? / so give me something to believe / cause i am living just to breathe / and  need something more / to keep on breathing for

--- zevran wants to die. it’s cowardly, and he hates it, hates himself, but he does. once taliesen’s dead -- once he’s free -- he doesn’t know what to do. the warden let’s him stay, encourages him to choose, and he just -- he wants something to believe. something to breathe for. fight for.

NOT YOUR YEAR - THE WEEPIES

scattered shadows on a wall, you watch the long light fall / some impressions stay and some ill fade / tattered shoes outside your door, clothes all on the floor / your life feels like the morning after all year long / and evey day it starts again / you cannot say if you’re happy / you keep trying to be / try harder, maybe, maybe

--- after the blight, there’s a new fire burning within him, and it’s so very welcome. it’s hard, and zevran isn’t what you would call “happy” but he’s making an effort. it’s like he’s finally woken up. who is he? he’s going to find out, and it’s going to be -- something.

WHATEVER IT TAKES - IMAGINE DRAGONS

whip, whip / run me like a race horse / pull me like a ripcord / break me down and build me up / i wanna be the slip, slip / word upon your lip, lip / letter that you rip, rip / break me down and build me up / whatever it takes / ‘cause i love the adrenaline in my veins

--- push zevran hard. he’s into it. he’s into the adrenaline, the fight, the muted laugh. he approaches life, sex, love, like a challenge to be won.

PUTTING THE DOG TO SLEEP - THE ANTLERS

put your trust in me / i’m not gonna die alone / put your trust in me / i’m not gonna die alone... i don’t think so...

--- he’s desperate, bones heavy with mistrust and years of abuse. everything he’s ever cared for betrayed him or left him or was taken from him; promise him, trust him, love him.

THE ONLY EXCEPTION - PARAMORE

maybe i know, somewhere / deep in my soul, that love never lasts / and we’ve got to find other ways ... and i’ve always lived like this / keeping a comfortable distance / and up until now, i had sworn to myself / that i’m content with loneliness / because none of it was ever worth the risk / well, you are the only exception

--- zevran loves easily, and he shouldn’t, but he does, and it isn’t worth the risk to lose everything he’s ever had for a feeling that he’s never been allowed to have... until he is loved in return, for everything he is, and he realizes just how much he wants it.

WORK SONG - HOZIER 

i was burnin’ up a fever / i didn’t much care how long i lived / but i swear i thought i dreamed her / she never once asked me about the wrong i did / when my time comes around / lay me gently in the cold dark earth / no grave can hold my body down / i’ll crawl home to her

--- this is about rinna, about the warden, about any love zevran had that saw him for who he was and held him through the night terrors anyway.

bonus zev appropriate songs that aren’t on the playlist officially but will probably be tacked onto the end because i just don’t know when to stop:

the kids from yesterday -- my chemical romance ( and you only live forever in the lights you make / when we were young, we used to say / that you only hear the music when your heart begins to break )

just my soul responding -- amber run ( but everyday i found new ways to hurt you / and everyday we took our side / and it’s just my soul responding / to the heavy heart i’m holding )

things we lost in the fire -- bastille ( these are the things / these are the things we lost in the fire, fire, fire / flames, they licked the walls / tenderly, they turned to dust all that i adored )

mother & father -- broods ( i remember the time when a kiss on the hand was enough / cause we knew we were free / and we knew what it meant to be loved )

angel with a shotgun -- the cab ( i’m an angel with a shotgun / fight until the war’s won / i don’t care if heaven won’t take me back / i’ll throw away my faith, babe / just to keep you safe )

hollow -- cloudeater ( i won’t sink, i won’t wallow / in this dream that i have borrowed / so don’t lead, i won’t follow / there’s no sense in waiting for tomorrow / ‘cause i’m hollow, hollow, hollow, hollow )

jet pack blues -- fall out boy ( and i’m trying to find my peace of mind / behind these two white highway lines / when the city goes silent / the ringing in my ears gets violent )

kill of the night -- gin wigmore ( the danger is i’m dangerous / and i might just tear you apart )

demons -- imagine dragons ( when you feel my heat, look into my eyes / it’s where my demons hide, it’s where my demons hide / don’t get too close, it’s dark inside )

flesh and bone -- the killers ( flesh and bone / am i running out of time? / flesh and bone / somewhere outside that finish line )

[dougmeet]

Dog Police 

Nobody knows who you are...until now

Dog Police nobody knows who you are ... until now! PLUS 1-800 WATCH Memphis' Strangest Video https://t.co/JC8H3PADrx https://t.co/eSKKNDYRG3 — mrjyn (@mrjyn) 12 septembre 2019

Dog Police 1-800

I finally became friends with the leader of the Dog Police.

Met him, interviewed him.

The video I uploaded has long since been taken down, but it became my most popular Video

I ever posted at the time...

Thanks, Sam Shoup for your cooperation and kind words....

WHAT THEY'RE SAYING ABOUT DOG POLICE

In 1985, at Memphis studio 485 Hollywood Memphis

The Dog Police

recorded an hilarious song, then video, showcasing their

canine-teeth approach to Memphis music.

Also known as The Tony Thomas Trio, the group featured, Tony Thomas Tom Leanardo

Sam Shoup

Dog Police Comments and info

I thought this clip was lost for eternity. I'm forever grateful and thank you for this gem.

Sam Shoup puppy is from Memphis, Tennessee. the old Shoe Productions. I was there!

Never heard of William Macy.

lly is an entire album of satirical songs called simply "Dog Police". I've been trying to explain this video to people for about 1,000 years. Thank you for confirming the fact that my brain did not make this song and video up.

The keyboard player looks like William H. Macy. My god. It's like Hurra Torpedo, Devo and Blue Öyster Cult got together for a side project. THIS is my YouTube account. We all know that furriers are flapping it to the dog-girl in this video. HOLY CRAP!! I have not seen this video since 198-freakin'-4! I actually came to think that I had just imagined the whole thing. Thank you for providing me with proof that I was not nearly as deranged as I thought I was! i just shat myself in fear I remember "1 800" also.

I thought I was the only one in the world who remembered this video? it took 2nd place behind RAIL in the MTV Video Contest back in like 1982?

THAT DOG CHICK WAS HOT AM I RITE GUYS?

no, you are, in fact, quite wrong, my friend. she was a cat.

Digney Fignus won.

His video is posted on YouTube. Just search for his name and you'll find,

The Girl With the Curious Hand

It makes me remind La Máquina del Rock in Lima city, Perú. Thanks! i do member this.. but i still don't get it i do like the drug fragrance though they said they were the ART BARF FAR ARR This was the video that SHOULD have won the "MTV's Basement Tapes" contest back in about 1982. It is so crazy and imaginative! Instead, some heavy metal group made up of 10 year olds won. GAG... how "cute." It was such a rip-off. This video is a classic! But it came in second place. That has made me mad for all these years. Hopefully these artists have had success elsewhere. The band was honestly called: "The Dog Police!" The band they lost to was called Trak. I remember them because they were featured in LIFE magazine's edition on teenagers in 1984. Google them and the name Derita, because Trak was like a Leif Garrett butt-gawk Partridge Family. I can't find a thing on them. Digney Fignus and Guadalcanal Diary also had entries that year. Dog Police was ROBBED, I tells ya. I totally agree! DP were robbed! The basement tapes were voted in by callers - the band that won had their entire community on the phone that night hitting the redial button. hen this video first came out and MTV was cool, a bunch of us single bachelors had this as our theme song. Woof Woof Woof...were they think-in? glad i was born when DA 80s was nearly over. reminds me of fat weird cartoon cop dog "scruff gruff" 'take a bite out of crime' now we just need someone to post the video for "1-800." Oh man, I never forgot this video, I can't believe I got to see it again. I can die happy now. Totally fucked up, but happy. Truly amazing. MTV used to be so ahead of its time. Basement tapes are YouTube Music 24 years before YouTube ever happened. Dog Police forever! Nobody knows who we are! HOLY SHIT, 20 bloody be damned years i've been looking for this video No shit. I saw this way back in the day and used to tell everyone about it and could never find it. This kicks my uncles ass. actually cut (edited) this song and produced the video and hes in it when the dog police are walking in the bar hes the one dancing all crazy on the far left wow cool! I've totally giggled at him a million times. he actually did a lot of stuff back then he was a camera man for the Mikey mouse club and he did all the audio for hustle and flow and he is currently working on black snake moan fortunately the departments he work in don't make him fa-mouse Are you talking about Andy? Yes I know Andy & Linda very well. Tell him "Wags" said hello. No the work that we stagehands do carries no fame or solaces but quite often, at the end of the day, we end up making more than the performers and, ask your uncle, WE ARE GOD. If I don't like you one little turn of a dial can make your audience not like you tee gee. All you Dog Police fans will be pleased to know Andrew Sullivan linked to this. OH MY GOD! I can't believe it! I've been looking for this for years. GOD BLESS YOU! I was starting to think I made this up in my head. Dear god. I suspected that I'd imagined this for years because I saw it as a tyke and when I tried to explain it to people they would do little but blankly stare at me. I've had the chorus of this song running through my head since 1983. me too. ;) that makes 3 of us. That makes 4 of us. These guys are now playing with The Jumpiness Chi Chi's That is the weirdest thing I've ever seen in my life. Just straight up weirdness. For reals Is this supposed to make women feel badly about themselves? Like the theme of this is 'have a poor self-image' I think. Like you're so ugly you should be arrested. I've been looking all over for an mp3 of this song. Can anyone help me out? i have an MP3 of this song give me your Email and i will send it to you it'd LOVE AN mp3 OF THIS TOO....BEEN LOOKING FOR THIS VIDEO FOR OVER 20 YEARS NOW I actually finally roistered YouTube just so I could echo all the sentiments posted...I thought it was a figment of my imagination also. I'm also glad to see some people remember 1-800 also. The singer looked like a babushka with a corncob planted. Fay and lame. Was there another video from the 80's that has people wearing dog faces? I swear I vaguely remember another video (other than dog police) that involved people dressed like dogs singing. If someone knows what I'm talking about, please tell what the song was called. this video actually WON 1st prize in an MTV contest for unsigned bands. they were supposed to get a record contract out of the deal,which they probably did, but were then just told to forget it. At the time, everybody was shocked to see that they had won compared to more serious entries. But it was a people's vote that put it there, so go figure. Try not to take it too seriously. it's more at home on Dr. Memento or something. i saw that once back in the 80's and never thought it'd see that again. thanks for posting! i remember that... so trash so cool!! I never realized how much this sounded like Devo! I remember it. Dog Police, where are you comin' from? Dog Police, Nobody knows who you are! This also played on Night Flight, where I first recorded it. MTV (Mars candy company TV....those that were there will remember the Quincy Jones war against MTV's biggest advertiser, MARS, because they weren't playing enough Michael Jackson and it was ALL downhill from there)sucked only marginally less than it does now (except for Al TV). thanks for the video! The hubby pretty much thought I was retarded for singing about the Dog Police (he had never heard of them)...now he just pretty much thinks I'm retarded. yo solo se qe si no entiendes lo qe dizen esto es una mierda pintxada en un palo seko.  Saluted. I remember watching this on USA's Night Flight - way back in the day. Thanks for posting! It came close to winning MTV's "Basement Tapes" contest, but it didn't win.

[fluentlanguage]

De-Brief From An Organiser: Women in Language 2018

A few weeks ago, I was proud to co-organise and witness the first ever Women in Language conference, a unique online event designed to champion, celebrate, and amplify the voices of women in language learning. It was not my first online conference about language learning, but certainly the first I partly created and the first one ever to feature an all-female line-up of speakers.

In today’s article, I am going to lift the curtain and share my official de-brief as one of the three members of our organising team.

What I Felt at Women in Language

Let me start with the most important thing: I enjoyed every single presentation that I saw. And as I was often online making sure everything went smoothly, those were almost all of them. The quality of our many speakers at Women in Language was excellent, and the range of topics kept things interesting and inspiring.

Women in Language delivered on a few extra levels too. It felt as inspiring and intense as every offline conference could feel, with the added bonus of allowing me to sleep in my own bed. I adored seeing #womeninlanguage posts on social media, and to hear from our attendees in the live chat and Facebook group. And most importantly, I got SO inspired and motivated to learn languages in a brand new way!

If you want to learn more about languages, join the extraordinary four-day online conference #womeninlanguage with presentations by 50 incredible women! Day 2 has just started 😉 #language #onlineconference #cpd #neverstoplearning #alwayswanttoknowmore #passion

A post shared by Barbara TRANSLATIONS (@barbara.peckova) on Mar 9, 2018 at 4:09am PST

What I Learnt About Language Learning

A lot of the impact of four days of language love cannot be put into words. It’s a boost in motivation, a renewed commitment, a burst of energy. And at Women in Language, I got all of those out of it and more. I got to know more of our conference attendees and boosted my own desire to learn and teach languages in new ways.

Here are the most important lessons from Women in Language that will be essential for all language learners:

1) Dabbling Is Legit

At Women in Language, we celebrated the huge diversity of how people learn languages. You can choose whatever language you want to learn, and you can learn it for 2 weeks or 20 years, and you can dabble in a handful of languages at once if you want to. This is all “allowed”, and won’t make you any less of a language lover or polyglot.

Sometimes it’s easy to feel self-critical as a language learner, and to tell yourself that you’re doing this wrong if you don’t use Anki or speak from day 1 or spend many hours on your project. But dabbling is perfectly legit, and you are allowed to feel proud of it.

2) Compassion Matters

Leading on from the previous point, compassion was a regular theme of the conference. When you’re faced with so many blog articles and Instagram posts and YouTube videos and language books telling you what to do, it’s sometimes hard to remember that everyone has a bad day.

You can’t always be happy and you can’t always be 100% gold in Duolingo. Compassion means allowing understanding and empathy for yourself when times are tough, but also for other language learners. No one method is the right one. Allow other people to feel good about themselves, and extend that same kindness to yourself.

3) Everyone Loves Transcribed Audio

Finding something interesting to watch or listen to, at the right level, and then with a transcription…that’s difficult. But it’s also what a lot of our conference attendees wanted, and you certainly CAN find it online. If you want to get a few ideas, check out Speechling, Glossika, Rhinospike, and Movieclips on YouTube.

And by the way: Just listening is NOT enough. If it’s just a wall of sound, you’re not doing much good. You’ll need to know what you’re hearing. Find input that you can engage with, and check against your own skills. For more about this, listen to my podcast episode about listening skills.

4) There’s So Much to Talk About

It’s never enough to practice speaking by doing the “Hello how are you where do you live” dance over and over again. Speaking practice is best when you’ve prepared something interesting to talk about. And lucky for us, there are tutors and learners who already discovered this too, and they’ve even put together lists (like this one) of questions and conversation prompts.

5) When Your Brain Is Having Fun, You Learn

All too often we think of language learning as a STUDY activity, in all caps. But it’s just not necessary to do things this way. Language can be learnt through story, through fun activities, through play. The most important things are exposure and repetition, not how hard you study or how much your language experience feels like work.

Though some of these lessons may read as happy-clappy positivity notes, I found that they often helped to ease a learner’s mind and allow them to take a break and come back to language learning with new energy and enthusiasm. After all, we want to get fluent while having fun, right?

What Do You Think?

Whether you attended Women in Language 2018 or not, what do you think about those lessons above? Are you a dabbler, or a hardcore study nut? Leave me a comment below to join the conversation.

In part 2 of this blog article, I will put on my co-organiser hat (a very stylish hat, for sure) to tell you more about how Women in Language was organised, what we learnt in the process, and what you should consider if you want to run or contribute to an event like this in future.

Organising A Successful Online Conference

I’ll start with what we looked for in our speakers and talks.

For this first ever conference, we used our own network of interesting women to ask if they wanted to speak at Women in Language. Their social media accounts, blogs, youtube channels, relationships with us were what put them on the radar. So if you’re dreaming of speaking out yourselves, making yourself very visible is good advice.

Before contacting our speakers, we considered some guidelines about the types of talks we would be looking for. In addition to practical topics featuring tips and techniques for language learners at “Beginner” and “Advanced” levels, we also chose the tracks “Living with Language” and “Working with Language”. Each speaker we contacted let us know which of the four themes they would like to address in their presentation, and was allocated one. This way, we ensured that no topics would be repeated and we could offer a varied programme on every single conference day.

Here are just three of the 25 talks we saw at Women in Language:

Some of our speakers came to us with a firm idea of the talk they wanted to present, while others found themselves unsure at the start. As our programme officer, I found myself receiving several messages saying “I don’t know, maybe I have nothing to say after all.” If you have ever hesitated to put yourself forward for an opportunity, here is the thought process that does stop them in their tracks: “Maybe I don’t have anything to say here.” Meaning “Maybe my experience, my voice, my passion are not valid. Others will have more to say.”

I extended offers of a little “talk surgery” to those who needed an idea boost, and without exception it was the speakers themselves who came to me with fantastic topic ideas, and who delivered on them 100%. In fact, I found that the most intriguing topics came from a place of passion and excitement in each speaker’s mind. Topics like “Learning With Crime Novels” and “Managing Motherhood and Language Learnings” are not a language learner’s most burning question, but that’s exactly why they make incredible conference topics: They are real, and invite us to think differently.

Some People Voiced Different Opinions

I won’t lie to you, at times it felt hard to be out there putting together this positive, kinda feminist event. Some commenters felt that it was a wrong move towards equality, unnecessarily excluding male voices. To those guys, I want to remind you that we welcomed and celebrated male voices throughout the event - it’s just that this time only women got to speak “on stage”, and every single one of them brought expertise, commitment, quality, enthusiasm, and outstanding topics. We set out to show the language learning world from a different angle, and I was so encouraged to hear from several male attendees who were enjoying the conference just as much as everyone else.

If You Want To Be a Conference Speaker

If you are considering applying to speak at a language conference, please don’t hesitate. Even if you were to hear a no, don’t worry and keep putting yourself forward - maybe the programme is full already or the conference can recommend a future event for you to try.

Don’t be shy about suggesting a topic outside the memory-boosting-fluency-fast-track-performance mainstream. Don’t wait until you’re fluent in 16 languages. You’re good enough right now, as long as you have a cool topic. And what’s a cool topic? Your own experience!

You are so cool when you are yourself.

I want to give kudos here to all those women who agreed to speak and trusted Shannon, Lindsay, and me with Women in Language. You absolutely killed it, and we appreciate all the hard work you put into giving a great online talk at an event you’d never heard of before.

Many of our speakers were new to presenting online. From my perspective as a blogger and podcaster, I’m used to speaking to an empty room and waiting until later to see if anyone connects with my words. But these guys were new to the whole environment, and they handled it brilliantly.

Tickets

When we put together our event, we knew that it was a risk to ask for payment from attendees of an online event. Many other online events are open to attendees for free, but we wanted to create an atmosphere where the sales pressure is off, and where our audience members were just as invested in having a great time as we were.

We found that the ticket sales achieved this goal, and allowed over 250 audience members to join us from all over the world. This reassurance also helped us relax and increase our commitment to Women in Language. So on the ticket selling front, we are happy to note that all went well and we are now able to give a donation of over $400 to our chosen charity, Kiva. The charity supports entrepreneurs who do cool things to alleviate poverty around the world.

Here I want to say thank you to our audience members, who went ahead and trusted us organisers with a brand new conference idea. Some purchased a ticket and even took time off work, others were unable to attend but joined the conference to support celebrating and amplifying women’s voices in language learning. We appreciated your trust and support.

About The Technology We Used

In terms of technology, we used a setup of Google Hangouts on Air for our live broadcasts and embedded them in individual Teachable lectures via YouTube. We also added individual Chatango chat boxes in each lecture.

At the end of any session, the viewers could click “Complete and Continue” at the top and move on to the next session in our packed programme. Credit here goes to Shannon for leading us on the setup of a gorgeous page and ensuring the information was up to date.

This format added to the feel of hosting a real conference, where you would often walk into the next room for another talk. But in addition, it made us into the Netflix of language learning, where any previous talk could be streamed from the beginning right after it was published.

All talks were offered on a single track (no two at the same time), which kept the conversation focused and helped create a live chatroom community. We also added an “after hours” experience through a dedicated Facebook group for Women in Language attendees.

Marketing Women in Language

Our marketing campaign, headed up by Lindsay, made it easy for Women in Language to get seen. We obviously talked about Women in Language in our own blog, podcasts, social media, newsletters, youtube, and wherever you see us.

Lindsay also prepared some beautiful pictures and tweets for the speakers and the attendees, so that everyone could easily spread the word about our event. We are so grateful that you guys supported us and shared your excitement before the event. It helped us so much.

Shout out to our friends How To Get Fluent, Language Learning Summit and Langfest for inviting us to present our new event, and to Mezzofanti Guild for hosting a guest post written by Shannon. Check those guys out - they are doing amazing work.

The Organising Team

Between three organisers, we found that we were able to play to our strengths and largely handle the large workload of running a conference like this one. We stayed in contact with each other through direct messages, but also weekly meetings, and the project management software Asana. When your organising team is living on three different continents, it’s helpful to ensure online communications are as good as they can be.

Our track record of collaborations was a key to our success. Lindsay, Shannon, and I were no strangers to each other’s work. We knew already that we appreciate each other’s work and that each of us knows how to use all parts of the technology and marketing setup. We had also met in person before and solidified our friendship. Throughout the organising process, we were able to stay supportive and open to suggestions from each other.

Sometimes, it can take courage and grace to reach out to a colleague and trust that they’re on board with your idea. From the minute Lindsay first mentioned the idea of Women in Language and Shannon hopped on the first Skype call to join us, that was something we committed to.

I am grateful that I had the opportunity to run such a cool project with two colleagues and friends that I respect so much.

What We’ll Do Even Better Next Time

So we were excited, we were buzzing, we enjoyed four days of a successful conference full of tips. But that doesn’t mean that there weren’t any mistakes to learn from.

On the technology front, a few hiccups taught us the following lessons. Maybe you’ll find them useful one day, so I’m sharing them here:

When you want to embed your YouTube events in another page, it pays to set up a dry run so that you’re double sure the embed will show up the way you want it to.

When you are planning to invite someone to a Google Hangout, you cannot send them a “join link” in advance because the software will discard that link the minute you close the video window in your browser. And then your speaker’s link will be useless and they’ll be confused.

Don’t click “eject” when you want to reset your Hangouts partner’s setup as they joined your Google Hangout. They won’t be able to join again, and you’ll have to create a new event.

Power Point going full screen in Google Hangouts is a bit of a gamble, so stay calm, have a dry run, and prepare trouble shooting notes to make sure all goes smoothly.

In terms of the programme, we tried a new format of round table discussions which was successful at large. The two-hour time slot did discourage some audience members from watching it though, and that’s something I had not expected and we will look into providing shorter round table discussions next time.

Finally: I feel fired up to expand our commitment to diversity and ensure we include more global voices. Our line-up was international but still looked largely like us: white women who speak English a lot. Even if each of them is different in nationality or language line-up, this still gives our attendees an unintentional impression of what the “norm” is. We can add to that during future events, and I’m excited that we now have 27 speakers who can help us grow our network and look for polyglots and language experts from more diverse backgrounds.

What About You?

Did you enjoy the online conference?

Have you ever thought about becoming a conference speaker?

I’d love to hear from you in the comments below.

[thedivinefish]

TGIWednesday ... and an extended warranty

Tonight's MySwitchWorks Event

Next Live Call is TONIGHT at 7:30pm EDT

We’re celebrating Independence Day all month long by FREEING you up from what’s holding you back!!!

Freedom from pain, stuckness, overwhelm, excess weight, uncertainty, procrastination, negative self-talk & beliefs, bad habits, past failures, your boss, a bad relationship, parents, siblings, abuse by others?

What are you ready to give up & become independent from? What’s been haunting you that you're ready to be done with? for good! Join us LIVE & submit your 3 issues by 3pm Eastern TODAY! We've been getting a flood of responses and requests since Monday so thank you all for your participation. It's going to be another great call with everyone!

Register Now - $22

TGIWednesday News

Ok, for those that did not catch the pun yet, there is no extended warranty on sessions!   I cannot make it up.  I have had plenty of clients over the years that have had ailments or issues for decades and they schedule 15 minutes with me and weeks later they are shocked that all and everything bad has not completely and utterly gone away.  Often I believe things can leave us as fast as they were set upon us. But like any doctor, lawyer or Indian chief, I never know what will happen.  Ultimately it depends on the client and their blocks and how attached they are to their issues.  You would be shocked at the things that people don’t want to release.  It’s as if their body is hoarding these issues and they would not know what they would do in their spare time without them!  Just know that it may take some time and effort but I am making every effort to push forward and make the rest of our lives the best of our lives and I am determined to make progress every day and so should you! For anyone who has purchased audios, offers or certification in the past, be on the lookout in your inbox Monday August 3rd for our VIP 48-hour presale of our newest audio mp3 release MyBeliefWorks™ for Inspiring and Igniting Your Creative Spark, aka 'The Creatives'. This is for those of you who are artists, musicians, performers, writers, intuitive healers and empaths and it can assist you in getting unstuck, releasing brain fog and getting your creative juices flowing again! The official launch will be in next Wednesday's TGIW for all!

TGIWednesday Download

~ FREEDOM FROM BEING TAKEN ADVANTAGE OF ~

I am asking for independence from people, places and things taking advantage of us. I believe, think, know and feel that I can say No! and mean it. I am ready, willing and able to take the wheel and live with confidence in my destiny.  I know, when, where, how and why to make progress every day and to always push forward with grace and ease and so it is in all languages and throughout all time lines!  

Fish Food 

The Daily Bread To Feed The Fish

Tell The Fish: 365 Daily Inspirations & Affirmations

  JULY 29th "Today no matter how dark the clouds, I will be reminded that this too shall pass. I will live in resonance with blissful expectation that the best can and will occur.  I will keep the faith and all positive, people, places and things moving forward in faith.  I will allow spirit to shift my relationships into a new beginning and into a better level of understanding."

LIVE Appearances - Free Healing

TOMORROW! Thurs. July 30th - Your Divine Uniqueness with host Moncef Akfir.  Join Spiritual Masters FREE For Live & Interactive Sessions, Plus Receive Instant Bonuses. Register Here

Thursday Sept. 23rd - The Global Gathering with host Dipal Shah. The Gathering is an online spiritual event in which multiple healers, lightworkers, catalysts and spiritual teachers come together as ONE to support humanity by anchoring love, light, joy, wellness and optimism.    Join Us and Watch Online!  If you have time for a quick and amusing read, check out little nice little interview I did with Sasha at Kreative Circle. https://www.kreativecircle.com/jimmy-mack.html Wednesday August 5th - 4pm ET - Spiritual Insights with host Charlotte Spicer Listen Here Online  - Taking LIVE callers for readings and messages ☎️ (347) 934-0751  

The Jimmy Mack Healing Radio Show

NEW VIDEO FORMAT! WATCH IT LIVE  TUESDAY'S at 4pm EDT / 1pm PDT AS OF NEXT TUESDAY AUGUST 1st  All of the radio shows will be live video shows. You can now write in during the LIVE CHAT with your questions and we'll get to as many as we can (no phone calls) You can watch on Facebook or YouTube links below:   https://facebook.com/GoldylocksProductions   https://www.youtube.com/c/GoldylocksProductions Or catch all the replays & archives here: https://thejimmymackhealingshow.com/ Yesterday's Show - Special Guest Rev Debbie | Our resident trans medium communications with your loved ones in spirit. Listen here once posted.

UPCOMING GUESTS FOR AUGUST

August 4th – Joanne Leo | Psychic https://psychicjoanneleo.com/

August 11th – Kevin Lee | Certified Spiritual Medium http://revkevinlee.com/about-kevin/

August 18th– Jeremy Riden | Divine Spark Ministries https://www.facebook.com/JeremyRiden/

August 25th Rev Debbie | Our resident trans medium communications with your loved ones in spirit. Visit her Facebook page

From the Fish Box

"Just receiving emails from you makes my heart swell with love and hope!!!! I feel so blessed to know you!!!  Thank you so much for your prayers and all you do for all of us!" - Rosemary S.

Receive 24/7 Prayers from Jimmy

Nightly prayers include COVID-19. Each night we work on scrambling the frequency for everyone on the prayer list. Your name will be added to a special VIP Prayer list where Jimmy will use his intelligent computer software, src4you which runs 24/7, to delete the negative and increase the strength of the positive creating a higher probability of favorable outcomes for you.  

In addition, throughout the full 30-days, Jimmy will be dialing into your energetic signature each day upon rising and make certain that you are a clear yes, unclear to no and running forward before you start your day. He is doing the heavy lifting for you around 3am NY time while most of you are asleep in order to smooth out your way and increase your most favorable life outcomes.

The 30-day service is now being offered exclusively  and you also have the option of selecting an ongoing subscription ($95/month) which is managed through PayPal only.

Upon written email request, for each new order we offer a one-time email analysis via the intelligent healing software that Jimmy uses on your behalf.  Most clients have had amazing results and outcomes!

You can add yourself and those living in your immediate household and yes you can include pets! Merely include everyone’s names and Jimmy will add them to his daily prayers. *NOTE if the MDP Service was purchased via a special telesummit or radio show offer, prayers will be limited to BUYER ONLY - and will not include family members or pets.

You can run this monthly and stop at any time after the 30 days is up, you will have the opportunity to renew and update your list each month but are under no obligation. I believe you will experience magical transformations and make progress every day! 

Sign Up for 30-Days - $99

 Tampa Office Sessions

FRIDAY AUGUST 14th at

SWANN HOLISTIC HEALTH SOLUTIONS  

Jimmy Mack will be offering sessions at Dr. Charla Tempone’s NEW office at Swann Holistic Health Solutions from 10-4 on Friday August 14th.

NEW OFFICE LOCATION! 403 S. Habana Ave. Tampa, FL 33609 Just south of Azeele next to Skin Savvy http://www.ctholisticsolutions.com

Please call their office directly at  ☎️ (813) 873-7773 in order to get on the schedule for 15-minutes $38 or 30-minutes $68. If you’re new to working with me, I suggest you schedule 30 minutes.

FRIDAY KODAWARI YOGA STUDIOS 

Friday sessions are back to being phone-only for folks that I usually see at Kodawari until further notice. You can book time with me in the shop and schedule online.   3965 Henderson Blvd Suite C Tampa ☎️ (813) 999-1874 http://www.kodawariyoga.com/

Go deep sea "fishing" with Jimmy!

Level 1 is open to ANYONE at anytime! Click here to watch the Mastery video playlist

The Certificate of Mastery Program includes 2 best-selling ebooks and 2 clearing audios plus written & video instructions, AND one-on-one time with Jimmy ALL for about the cost of a single 1-hr session! This online course is for anyone who is familiar with OR new to "fishing" and is ready to dive into the deep end & get results that are beyond the ordinary! It includes The Tackle Box & The Dowser's Handbook ebooks PLUS 2 MP3s "Clearing Dark Energies" & "Increasing Your Intuition" to help clear, strengthen and prepare your energy field for optimal “fishing” results. This is a work-at-your-own-pace curriculum that will TEACH & CLEAR you at the same time! In under 2wks you will be finished with the program and ready to fish on your own with greater results! Level II offers Practitioner Certification for those who qualify.

LEARN MORE HERE

**Can't See The Full Email? Click Here to View Online**

For those who aren't familiar, here's the list of the MyBeliefWorks™ audio library. 

Find a topic that addresses your issue(s), click on the link to read more. We had a lot of help downloading & channeling these over the years & they keep getting better. Don't forget... you can share these with you immediate friends and family.

Abundance Abuse Addiction Body Scan: Head to Toe COVID-19 Daily GPS Reset Dark Energies/Fears Decision Making Diet & Exercise Education & Learning Family & Relatives The Gold Coin Healing Physical Body Healing Mental Stress Holiday Stress

Increasing Intuition IRS & Tax Time Love & Romance Money Mindset Moving Forward Pain Relief Pet Healing Sales & Success Improving Sex Improving Sleep Traveling w/Ease Work & Career Weight Loss Windfall Youth & Vitality

TGIFunny

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Jimmy Mack | Appointments Skype: Jimmy.Mack55 Clearwater Florida USA Book a 15 minute session Book a 30 minute session Book a 60 minute session ​ ​​Transformational Healing of Body, Mind​ & Spirit, People, Places, Pets & Situations!​ ​ Download the My Liquid Fish® Starter Kit (*Updated May 2019) Audio MP3 Downloads​ and books​ to improve your life! Get Certified in ​My Liquid Fish® Change Made Simple® Watch Free Videos on YouTube Weekly Radio Show Archives Shop for ​Supplements ​ http://www.jimmymackhealingshop.com www.jimmymackhealing.com Copyright ©1998-2020 All Rights Reserved  

-------------------------------------------------- TGIW newsletter managed by: Sandy Bidinger Digital Marketing Specialist at SMBeConnected Solutions www.smbeconnected.com

[divinefishingtips]

TGIWednesday ... and an extended warranty

Tonight's MySwitchWorks Event

Next Live Call is TONIGHT at 7:30pm EDT

We’re celebrating Independence Day all month long by FREEING you up from what’s holding you back!!!

Freedom from pain, stuckness, overwhelm, excess weight, uncertainty, procrastination, negative self-talk & beliefs, bad habits, past failures, your boss, a bad relationship, parents, siblings, abuse by others?

What are you ready to give up & become independent from? What’s been haunting you that you're ready to be done with? for good! Join us LIVE & submit your 3 issues by 3pm Eastern TODAY! We've been getting a flood of responses and requests since Monday so thank you all for your participation. It's going to be another great call with everyone!

Register Now - $22

TGIWednesday News

Ok, for those that did not catch the pun yet, there is no extended warranty on sessions!   I cannot make it up.  I have had plenty of clients over the years that have had ailments or issues for decades and they schedule 15 minutes with me and weeks later they are shocked that all and everything bad has not completely and utterly gone away.  Often I believe things can leave us as fast as they were set upon us. But like any doctor, lawyer or Indian chief, I never know what will happen.  Ultimately it depends on the client and their blocks and how attached they are to their issues.  You would be shocked at the things that people don’t want to release.  It’s as if their body is hoarding these issues and they would not know what they would do in their spare time without them!  Just know that it may take some time and effort but I am making every effort to push forward and make the rest of our lives the best of our lives and I am determined to make progress every day and so should you! For anyone who has purchased audios, offers or certification in the past, be on the lookout in your inbox Monday August 3rd for our VIP 48-hour presale of our newest audio mp3 release MyBeliefWorks™ for Inspiring and Igniting Your Creative Spark, aka 'The Creatives'. This is for those of you who are artists, musicians, performers, writers, intuitive healers and empaths and it can assist you in getting unstuck, releasing brain fog and getting your creative juices flowing again! The official launch will be in next Wednesday's TGIW for all!

TGIWednesday Download

~ FREEDOM FROM BEING TAKEN ADVANTAGE OF ~

I am asking for independence from people, places and things taking advantage of us. I believe, think, know and feel that I can say No! and mean it. I am ready, willing and able to take the wheel and live with confidence in my destiny.  I know, when, where, how and why to make progress every day and to always push forward with grace and ease and so it is in all languages and throughout all time lines!  

Fish Food 

The Daily Bread To Feed The Fish

Tell The Fish: 365 Daily Inspirations & Affirmations

  JULY 29th "Today no matter how dark the clouds, I will be reminded that this too shall pass. I will live in resonance with blissful expectation that the best can and will occur.  I will keep the faith and all positive, people, places and things moving forward in faith.  I will allow spirit to shift my relationships into a new beginning and into a better level of understanding."

LIVE Appearances - Free Healing

TOMORROW! Thurs. July 30th - Your Divine Uniqueness with host Moncef Akfir.  Join Spiritual Masters FREE For Live & Interactive Sessions, Plus Receive Instant Bonuses. Register Here

Thursday Sept. 23rd - The Global Gathering with host Dipal Shah. The Gathering is an online spiritual event in which multiple healers, lightworkers, catalysts and spiritual teachers come together as ONE to support humanity by anchoring love, light, joy, wellness and optimism.    Join Us and Watch Online!  If you have time for a quick and amusing read, check out little nice little interview I did with Sasha at Kreative Circle. https://www.kreativecircle.com/jimmy-mack.html Wednesday August 5th - 4pm ET - Spiritual Insights with host Charlotte Spicer Listen Here Online  - Taking LIVE callers for readings and messages ☎️ (347) 934-0751  

The Jimmy Mack Healing Radio Show

NEW VIDEO FORMAT! WATCH IT LIVE  TUESDAY'S at 4pm EDT / 1pm PDT AS OF NEXT TUESDAY AUGUST 1st  All of the radio shows will be live video shows. You can now write in during the LIVE CHAT with your questions and we'll get to as many as we can (no phone calls) You can watch on Facebook or YouTube links below:   https://facebook.com/GoldylocksProductions   https://www.youtube.com/c/GoldylocksProductions Or catch all the replays & archives here: https://thejimmymackhealingshow.com/ Yesterday's Show - Special Guest Rev Debbie | Our resident trans medium communications with your loved ones in spirit. Listen here once posted.

UPCOMING GUESTS FOR AUGUST

August 4th – Joanne Leo | Psychic https://psychicjoanneleo.com/

August 11th – Kevin Lee | Certified Spiritual Medium http://revkevinlee.com/about-kevin/

August 18th– Jeremy Riden | Divine Spark Ministries https://www.facebook.com/JeremyRiden/

August 25th Rev Debbie | Our resident trans medium communications with your loved ones in spirit. Visit her Facebook page

From the Fish Box

"Just receiving emails from you makes my heart swell with love and hope!!!! I feel so blessed to know you!!!  Thank you so much for your prayers and all you do for all of us!" - Rosemary S.

Receive 24/7 Prayers from Jimmy

Nightly prayers include COVID-19. Each night we work on scrambling the frequency for everyone on the prayer list. Your name will be added to a special VIP Prayer list where Jimmy will use his intelligent computer software, src4you which runs 24/7, to delete the negative and increase the strength of the positive creating a higher probability of favorable outcomes for you.  

In addition, throughout the full 30-days, Jimmy will be dialing into your energetic signature each day upon rising and make certain that you are a clear yes, unclear to no and running forward before you start your day. He is doing the heavy lifting for you around 3am NY time while most of you are asleep in order to smooth out your way and increase your most favorable life outcomes.

The 30-day service is now being offered exclusively  and you also have the option of selecting an ongoing subscription ($95/month) which is managed through PayPal only.

Upon written email request, for each new order we offer a one-time email analysis via the intelligent healing software that Jimmy uses on your behalf.  Most clients have had amazing results and outcomes!

You can add yourself and those living in your immediate household and yes you can include pets! Merely include everyone’s names and Jimmy will add them to his daily prayers. *NOTE if the MDP Service was purchased via a special telesummit or radio show offer, prayers will be limited to BUYER ONLY - and will not include family members or pets.

You can run this monthly and stop at any time after the 30 days is up, you will have the opportunity to renew and update your list each month but are under no obligation. I believe you will experience magical transformations and make progress every day! 

Sign Up for 30-Days - $99

 Tampa Office Sessions

FRIDAY AUGUST 14th at

SWANN HOLISTIC HEALTH SOLUTIONS  

Jimmy Mack will be offering sessions at Dr. Charla Tempone’s NEW office at Swann Holistic Health Solutions from 10-4 on Friday August 14th.

NEW OFFICE LOCATION! 403 S. Habana Ave. Tampa, FL 33609 Just south of Azeele next to Skin Savvy http://www.ctholisticsolutions.com

Please call their office directly at  ☎️ (813) 873-7773 in order to get on the schedule for 15-minutes $38 or 30-minutes $68. If you’re new to working with me, I suggest you schedule 30 minutes.

FRIDAY KODAWARI YOGA STUDIOS 

Friday sessions are back to being phone-only for folks that I usually see at Kodawari until further notice. You can book time with me in the shop and schedule online.   3965 Henderson Blvd Suite C Tampa ☎️ (813) 999-1874 http://www.kodawariyoga.com/

Go deep sea "fishing" with Jimmy!

Level 1 is open to ANYONE at anytime! Click here to watch the Mastery video playlist

The Certificate of Mastery Program includes 2 best-selling ebooks and 2 clearing audios plus written & video instructions, AND one-on-one time with Jimmy ALL for about the cost of a single 1-hr session! This online course is for anyone who is familiar with OR new to "fishing" and is ready to dive into the deep end & get results that are beyond the ordinary! It includes The Tackle Box & The Dowser's Handbook ebooks PLUS 2 MP3s "Clearing Dark Energies" & "Increasing Your Intuition" to help clear, strengthen and prepare your energy field for optimal “fishing” results. This is a work-at-your-own-pace curriculum that will TEACH & CLEAR you at the same time! In under 2wks you will be finished with the program and ready to fish on your own with greater results! Level II offers Practitioner Certification for those who qualify.

LEARN MORE HERE

**Can't See The Full Email? Click Here to View Online**

For those who aren't familiar, here's the list of the MyBeliefWorks™ audio library. 

Find a topic that addresses your issue(s), click on the link to read more. We had a lot of help downloading & channeling these over the years & they keep getting better. Don't forget... you can share these with you immediate friends and family.

Abundance Abuse Addiction Body Scan: Head to Toe COVID-19 Daily GPS Reset Dark Energies/Fears Decision Making Diet & Exercise Education & Learning Family & Relatives The Gold Coin Healing Physical Body Healing Mental Stress Holiday Stress

Increasing Intuition IRS & Tax Time Love & Romance Money Mindset Moving Forward Pain Relief Pet Healing Sales & Success Improving Sex Improving Sleep Traveling w/Ease Work & Career Weight Loss Windfall Youth & Vitality

TGIFunny

Share

Tweet

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Jimmy Mack | Appointments Skype: Jimmy.Mack55 Clearwater Florida USA Book a 15 minute session Book a 30 minute session Book a 60 minute session ​ ​​Transformational Healing of Body, Mind​ & Spirit, People, Places, Pets & Situations!​ ​ Download the My Liquid Fish® Starter Kit (*Updated May 2019) Audio MP3 Downloads​ and books​ to improve your life! Get Certified in ​My Liquid Fish® Change Made Simple® Watch Free Videos on YouTube Weekly Radio Show Archives Shop for ​Supplements ​ http://www.jimmymackhealingshop.com www.jimmymackhealing.com Copyright ©1998-2020 All Rights Reserved  

-------------------------------------------------- TGIW newsletter managed by: Sandy Bidinger Digital Marketing Specialist at SMBeConnected Solutions www.smbeconnected.com

[365dailyaffirmations]

TGIWednesday ... and an extended warranty

Tonight's MySwitchWorks Event

Next Live Call is TONIGHT at 7:30pm EDT

We’re celebrating Independence Day all month long by FREEING you up from what’s holding you back!!!

Freedom from pain, stuckness, overwhelm, excess weight, uncertainty, procrastination, negative self-talk & beliefs, bad habits, past failures, your boss, a bad relationship, parents, siblings, abuse by others?

What are you ready to give up & become independent from? What’s been haunting you that you're ready to be done with? for good! Join us LIVE & submit your 3 issues by 3pm Eastern TODAY! We've been getting a flood of responses and requests since Monday so thank you all for your participation. It's going to be another great call with everyone!

Register Now - $22

TGIWednesday News

Ok, for those that did not catch the pun yet, there is no extended warranty on sessions!   I cannot make it up.  I have had plenty of clients over the years that have had ailments or issues for decades and they schedule 15 minutes with me and weeks later they are shocked that all and everything bad has not completely and utterly gone away.  Often I believe things can leave us as fast as they were set upon us. But like any doctor, lawyer or Indian chief, I never know what will happen.  Ultimately it depends on the client and their blocks and how attached they are to their issues.  You would be shocked at the things that people don’t want to release.  It’s as if their body is hoarding these issues and they would not know what they would do in their spare time without them!  Just know that it may take some time and effort but I am making every effort to push forward and make the rest of our lives the best of our lives and I am determined to make progress every day and so should you! For anyone who has purchased audios, offers or certification in the past, be on the lookout in your inbox Monday August 3rd for our VIP 48-hour presale of our newest audio mp3 release MyBeliefWorks™ for Inspiring and Igniting Your Creative Spark, aka 'The Creatives'. This is for those of you who are artists, musicians, performers, writers, intuitive healers and empaths and it can assist you in getting unstuck, releasing brain fog and getting your creative juices flowing again! The official launch will be in next Wednesday's TGIW for all!

TGIWednesday Download

~ FREEDOM FROM BEING TAKEN ADVANTAGE OF ~

I am asking for independence from people, places and things taking advantage of us. I believe, think, know and feel that I can say No! and mean it. I am ready, willing and able to take the wheel and live with confidence in my destiny.  I know, when, where, how and why to make progress every day and to always push forward with grace and ease and so it is in all languages and throughout all time lines!  

Fish Food 

The Daily Bread To Feed The Fish

Tell The Fish: 365 Daily Inspirations & Affirmations

  JULY 29th "Today no matter how dark the clouds, I will be reminded that this too shall pass. I will live in resonance with blissful expectation that the best can and will occur.  I will keep the faith and all positive, people, places and things moving forward in faith.  I will allow spirit to shift my relationships into a new beginning and into a better level of understanding."

LIVE Appearances - Free Healing

TOMORROW! Thurs. July 30th - Your Divine Uniqueness with host Moncef Akfir.  Join Spiritual Masters FREE For Live & Interactive Sessions, Plus Receive Instant Bonuses. Register Here

Thursday Sept. 23rd - The Global Gathering with host Dipal Shah. The Gathering is an online spiritual event in which multiple healers, lightworkers, catalysts and spiritual teachers come together as ONE to support humanity by anchoring love, light, joy, wellness and optimism.    Join Us and Watch Online!  If you have time for a quick and amusing read, check out little nice little interview I did with Sasha at Kreative Circle. https://www.kreativecircle.com/jimmy-mack.html Wednesday August 5th - 4pm ET - Spiritual Insights with host Charlotte Spicer Listen Here Online  - Taking LIVE callers for readings and messages ☎️ (347) 934-0751  

The Jimmy Mack Healing Radio Show

NEW VIDEO FORMAT! WATCH IT LIVE  TUESDAY'S at 4pm EDT / 1pm PDT AS OF NEXT TUESDAY AUGUST 1st  All of the radio shows will be live video shows. You can now write in during the LIVE CHAT with your questions and we'll get to as many as we can (no phone calls) You can watch on Facebook or YouTube links below:   https://facebook.com/GoldylocksProductions   https://www.youtube.com/c/GoldylocksProductions Or catch all the replays & archives here: https://thejimmymackhealingshow.com/ Yesterday's Show - Special Guest Rev Debbie | Our resident trans medium communications with your loved ones in spirit. Listen here once posted.

UPCOMING GUESTS FOR AUGUST

August 4th – Joanne Leo | Psychic https://psychicjoanneleo.com/

August 11th – Kevin Lee | Certified Spiritual Medium http://revkevinlee.com/about-kevin/

August 18th– Jeremy Riden | Divine Spark Ministries https://www.facebook.com/JeremyRiden/

August 25th Rev Debbie | Our resident trans medium communications with your loved ones in spirit. Visit her Facebook page

From the Fish Box

"Just receiving emails from you makes my heart swell with love and hope!!!! I feel so blessed to know you!!!  Thank you so much for your prayers and all you do for all of us!" - Rosemary S.

Receive 24/7 Prayers from Jimmy

Nightly prayers include COVID-19. Each night we work on scrambling the frequency for everyone on the prayer list. Your name will be added to a special VIP Prayer list where Jimmy will use his intelligent computer software, src4you which runs 24/7, to delete the negative and increase the strength of the positive creating a higher probability of favorable outcomes for you.  

In addition, throughout the full 30-days, Jimmy will be dialing into your energetic signature each day upon rising and make certain that you are a clear yes, unclear to no and running forward before you start your day. He is doing the heavy lifting for you around 3am NY time while most of you are asleep in order to smooth out your way and increase your most favorable life outcomes.

The 30-day service is now being offered exclusively  and you also have the option of selecting an ongoing subscription ($95/month) which is managed through PayPal only.

Upon written email request, for each new order we offer a one-time email analysis via the intelligent healing software that Jimmy uses on your behalf.  Most clients have had amazing results and outcomes!

You can add yourself and those living in your immediate household and yes you can include pets! Merely include everyone’s names and Jimmy will add them to his daily prayers. *NOTE if the MDP Service was purchased via a special telesummit or radio show offer, prayers will be limited to BUYER ONLY - and will not include family members or pets.

You can run this monthly and stop at any time after the 30 days is up, you will have the opportunity to renew and update your list each month but are under no obligation. I believe you will experience magical transformations and make progress every day! 

Sign Up for 30-Days - $99

 Tampa Office Sessions

FRIDAY AUGUST 14th at

SWANN HOLISTIC HEALTH SOLUTIONS  

Jimmy Mack will be offering sessions at Dr. Charla Tempone’s NEW office at Swann Holistic Health Solutions from 10-4 on Friday August 14th.

NEW OFFICE LOCATION! 403 S. Habana Ave. Tampa, FL 33609 Just south of Azeele next to Skin Savvy http://www.ctholisticsolutions.com

Please call their office directly at  ☎️ (813) 873-7773 in order to get on the schedule for 15-minutes $38 or 30-minutes $68. If you’re new to working with me, I suggest you schedule 30 minutes.

FRIDAY KODAWARI YOGA STUDIOS 

Friday sessions are back to being phone-only for folks that I usually see at Kodawari until further notice. You can book time with me in the shop and schedule online.   3965 Henderson Blvd Suite C Tampa ☎️ (813) 999-1874 http://www.kodawariyoga.com/

Go deep sea "fishing" with Jimmy!

Level 1 is open to ANYONE at anytime! Click here to watch the Mastery video playlist

The Certificate of Mastery Program includes 2 best-selling ebooks and 2 clearing audios plus written & video instructions, AND one-on-one time with Jimmy ALL for about the cost of a single 1-hr session! This online course is for anyone who is familiar with OR new to "fishing" and is ready to dive into the deep end & get results that are beyond the ordinary! It includes The Tackle Box & The Dowser's Handbook ebooks PLUS 2 MP3s "Clearing Dark Energies" & "Increasing Your Intuition" to help clear, strengthen and prepare your energy field for optimal “fishing” results. This is a work-at-your-own-pace curriculum that will TEACH & CLEAR you at the same time! In under 2wks you will be finished with the program and ready to fish on your own with greater results! Level II offers Practitioner Certification for those who qualify.

LEARN MORE HERE

**Can't See The Full Email? Click Here to View Online**

For those who aren't familiar, here's the list of the MyBeliefWorks™ audio library. 

Find a topic that addresses your issue(s), click on the link to read more. We had a lot of help downloading & channeling these over the years & they keep getting better. Don't forget... you can share these with you immediate friends and family.

Abundance Abuse Addiction Body Scan: Head to Toe COVID-19 Daily GPS Reset Dark Energies/Fears Decision Making Diet & Exercise Education & Learning Family & Relatives The Gold Coin Healing Physical Body Healing Mental Stress Holiday Stress

Increasing Intuition IRS & Tax Time Love & Romance Money Mindset Moving Forward Pain Relief Pet Healing Sales & Success Improving Sex Improving Sleep Traveling w/Ease Work & Career Weight Loss Windfall Youth & Vitality

TGIFunny

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Jimmy Mack | Appointments Skype: Jimmy.Mack55 Clearwater Florida USA Book a 15 minute session Book a 30 minute session Book a 60 minute session ​ ​​Transformational Healing of Body, Mind​ & Spirit, People, Places, Pets & Situations!​ ​ Download the My Liquid Fish® Starter Kit (*Updated May 2019) Audio MP3 Downloads​ and books​ to improve your life! Get Certified in ​My Liquid Fish® Change Made Simple® Watch Free Videos on YouTube Weekly Radio Show Archives Shop for ​Supplements ​ http://www.jimmymackhealingshop.com www.jimmymackhealing.com Copyright ©1998-2020 All Rights Reserved  

-------------------------------------------------- TGIW newsletter managed by: Sandy Bidinger Digital Marketing Specialist at SMBeConnected Solutions www.smbeconnected.com