#I need y'all to understand that I was UNPREPARED.

[that-tall-queer-bassist]

okay hold on-

y'all can't just drop this on me on a tuesday morning wtf-

That is. horrifying. and heartbreaking all at once.

In light of the recent speculations my brain just made the most gut punching what if realization and since I have to deal with it so do you guys. If the Hermitcraft×Empires Crossover never happened the rancher reunion would have happened during part four of the life series. Like I'm over here just shaking thinking about the fact that they would have probably acted the exact same way but instead of everyone staying quiet because they're happy for them it would be quite with the heartbreaking sadness of knowing that they would most likely die apart and one of them would have to live on without their rancher or be forced to kill each other cactus ring style if they get that far. Like Tango seeing Jimmy for the first time since double life with hearts in his eyes and the both of them running up to each other and calling out their name. Tango holding on to Jimmy like his life depends on it and Jimmy wrapping his wings around his rancher, tears running down his face but not out of happiness this time but out of knowing that their love is doomed because their love could only ever exist in a god forsaken death game because his other half could never be with him as if dying first wasn't enough for the watchers. Instead of blowing a horn like he did in empires Tango would whistle their song and Jimmy would whistle back almost like a parallel to the time when tango was so overcome with rage but only Jimmy could snap him out of it with their horn. Only tango would be able to pull Jimmy out of his sad thoughts with their song. IM NOT OK THEY MEAN SO MUCH TO ME IM NOT READY FOR THIS !

[aceistheplace86]

Strawberry & Pine pt 3

//Y'all don't understand how badly I just want to make everything heartbreaking sad but I have to do somethin called "groundwork" or whatever... You guys are safe for now.

How on earth did she know his name? His real name!

“Look lady, I don’t know what you’re talking about,” Stan said quickly “I’m Stanford. Stanford Pines. Mister Mystery. Always have been.”

Julie held out her hand “Show me your hand” When the man made no sudden movement she nodded “I knew it”

Stan’s eyebrows furrowed together “I don’t understand what's happening right now.”

Julie glanced around the mostly empty diner and then back at him “I knew something was odd when I started seeing your face on bumper stickers for the “Mystery Shack”… his face” She said quietly. “Look. I have lived here in Gravity Falls for a long time. I knew your brother. I helped him with his studies” She paused “I was there when he…” she trails off.

“I don’t know what scam you’re pullin’ but I’m outta here” He stood up and walked out of the dinner quickly. He got in his car and slammed the door shut. He started his car and looked in his rearview mirror, that’s when he saw her sitting in the back seat “What the-!” He screamed.

“Please let me explain” Julie spoke softly but hurriedly.

“How did you get in my car!”

Julie sighed and in a blur had disappeared, a streak of red light trailing behind her before reappearing in the passenger seat.

“Gah! Stop doing that!’ Stan yelps.

“I am one of the many anomalies that lives in Gravity Falls” She starts “I ran into your brother, Ford, one day in the forest. He almost got himself killed by a creature he was unprepared for” She gathered her curly hair and pulled it into a ponytail feeling a bit overwhelmed with it in her face. “I taught him about some of the creatures here, how to stay safe. Even made him a contraption that he could use to keep the powers of the stronger creature at bay. I taught him about myself”

Stan just stared at her confused “What are you exactly”

“To put it simply, a witch,” she tells him

“Why are you here? What do you want from me?”

Julie opened her mouth and then stopped for a moment. “I thought you were him” She whispers softly. “I thought he came back, I thought he was okay” She looked out the window “So I went to the Mystery Shack and saw how different it looked. I tried to keep a positive mind until I saw you, shook your hand”

Stan looks down at his hand and sighs softly “Sorry to disappoint.” He mumbled.

“There is no disappointment Stanley,” She tells him “At least not because of who you are. I figured you were the only other one who could understand something like this.”

He looked up at her and gave her a weary smile “So you knew my brother then huh?”

Julie nodded “Brilliant guy. But so hard on himself” She mumbled.

Stan just nodded “So you were there that night when I… when he…” He couldn’t find it in himself to say the words about the portal.

“I was there before that” She starts

“Wait. Before? Well, why didn’t you try and stop him before he even made the damned thing!”

“I did!” She looks at him “I tried to bring him back down to reality, but he was too far gone” She rolled her shoulders back and shifted uncomfortably in her seat. “We got in a fight. He didn’t trust me” she tells him. “He used my own contraption against me. I was powerless” She recalled the memory. “I freed myself with tools while he was distracted and teleported out of there. I needed to regain strength before I faced him again” She looked down at her hands “I wanted to have a plan on how to help him… But I was too late”

He watches her, remembering how scared his brother had been that day he had finally been reunited. “Why didn’t you come to see me earlier?”

“I left Gravity Falls in search of a solution to bring him back,” She says “I know he wrote everything in those journals but I was under the impression that he had gotten rid of them.”

“Yeah,” Stan mumbled. “It ain’t an easy fix”

Julie looks up at him “But, I think I can help”

[matchingbatbites]

Love Grows - Part 3

Y'all, this chapter fought with me so hard. It took a while to get something I'm actually happy with, but I got there eventually. This part is 2.4k of fluff to make up for the wait <3

Ao3 | Part 1 | Part 2 | Part 4

May '85

After that first time, Rosie becomes a regular attendee of Hellfire nights, and Andy even apologizes his way back into Eddie's good graces and earns a spot in the "Rosie Rotation". Once basketball season ends and there’s no need for Eddie to watch Rosie during games anymore, the group of boys only make it three weeks before they start complaining about the baby’s absence, and Eddie just rolls his eyes in mock annoyance.

He tells Steve about it, half-expecting the younger to just find it amusing, and he’s surprised when Steve actually starts bringing her by to visit. It’s not every week, more like every second or third, but it’s enough to keep the club members from complaining, and Eddie finds he enjoys getting to sequester Steve away behind the DM screen, letting him take a peek behind the curtain that no one else is allowed to breach.

By the end of the school year, Steve and Eddie have a decent friendship, or so Eddie hopes. With graduation behind them, they've bonded over Steve's college denials, and Eddie's failing senior year again , and it's been nice having someone outside his normal friend group to talk to about it, someone who understands what it feels like to fall short of success.

Steve’s dad officially cuts him off, and Eddie has a brief moment of panic before Steve reassures him that no , he’s not being kicked out, they’re letting him and Rosie stay at the house. (“They’d rather make sure the house is taken care of than kick me out.”) But Steve needs a job, and after applying to a few places at Starcourt, he gets a spot working at Scoops Ahoy.

He's meeting Steve at the mall so he can take Rosie while the younger is at work, and though Steve had complained to him about the required uniform, Eddie is sorely unprepared to see it in person. When Steve steps out of his car wearing that fucking sailor outfit, Eddie almost has to sit down from the wave of solid need that hits him as his little crush flares into full-blown desire. 

He takes a steadying breath and puts on a grin, gives a joking "Well, ahoy sailor!" and Steve rolls his eyes. 

"I know, it's fucking awful, but I needed a job fast and they were hiring."

Eddie laughs and follows Steve to the backseat, can’t help glancing down to see the way the blue shorts stretch over his ass when the younger leans in to grab Rosie’s carrier. “I dunno, Stevie. If anyone can make this work, it’s definitely you.”

“I appreciate the vote of confidence,” Steve says, and Eddie’s eyes snap back to appropriate areas when Steve straightens and offers the baby to him. “Though I’d feel better about it if I wasn’t dressed like fucking Donald Duck.” 

Eddie snickers at the idea and Steve gives him a very unamused look. “Sorry, sorry. Seriously though, you look fine,” he says, taking Rosie’s carrier and bringing it over to his car. He takes a second to buckle the girl into his passenger seat - not the safest, he knows, but he always drives extra careful when he has her. “Besides, at least you won’t be the only person there wearing a dorky sailor outfit. You have a coworker, right?”

“Yeah, I guess you’re right. I’m still gonna complain about it though.” Eddie turns to find Steve behind him, diaper bag in hand and seemingly resigned to his fate. “Do you have any plans for today?

Eddie shakes his head and takes the bag from him. “Nah, just watching nugget. Probably gonna take her back to the trailer, if that’s okay?” 

“Of course it is. You know I trust you with her,” Steve says with a smile, and fuck , the guy really doesn’t know what that one sentence does to Eddie. The fact that Steve trusts him with something as precious as his daughter is worth more to Eddie than anything else in the world. The sudden swell of emotion is too much, and Eddie needs to leave before he makes a fool of himself. 

“Thanks, Stevie,” he says, and he can’t resist reaching out and tugging on that dumb little tie on Steve’s shirt. “Well, have fun at work, sailor. Don’t let anyone throw you overboard.”

Steve gently smacks his hand away and rolls his eyes again. “Yeah, yeah. Don’t get into too much trouble with my kid, Eds.”

Eddie grins as he heads to his driver seat, calling out a final “Wouldn’t dream of it!”

He does bring Rosie back to the trailer, since he really doesn’t have anything else to do that day but watch her. When he walks through the door, he sees Wayne sitting on the couch, newspaper in hand, and the man looks up as Eddie enters. His eyes snap to the carrier in Eddie’s hand and he sets the paper down.

"Should I be concerned?"

Eddie shakes his head and sets down the diaper bag. "Don't worry, old man, Rosie isn't mine. She belongs to a friend." 

"A friend?" Wayne stands and walks over so he can peek inside the carrier, and Rosie looks up at him with her big hazel eyes.

"Yeah. Her mama didn't want her, and her dad is pulling double time as a single parent and a teen dad, so I'm gonna watch her a few days a week while he's at work." 

Wayne instantly softens and gives him a small smile as he reaches out, placing a hand on Eddie’s shoulder. "That's really nice of you, Ed. I’m proud of you.”

Eddie shrugs a little, suddenly feeling bashful under his uncle’s approval. “Yeah, well- Hey!” He says as Wayne takes the carrier from his hands.

“I’ll keep an eye on her while you wash those dishes you were supposed to do last night,” Wayne says, setting down the carrier before pulling Rosie out of it. Eddie rolls his eyes even as he smiles, and he takes off his jacket and heads over to the sink. 

He gets distracted often as he does the dishes, he can’t stop himself from glancing over to watch Wayne and Rosie. They’re on the nearby couch, and his uncle has the baby sat on his leg, facing him as he talks to her softly. Eddie’s heart aches as he sees Wayne’s big, work-worn hands holding her so carefully, his rough appearance juxtaposed against Rosie’s fragile softness.

The dishes get done pretty quickly, and once Eddie dries his hands he makes his way over to sit next to Wayne. Rosie looks up at him and smiles so wide her pacifier falls from her mouth, and Eddie chuckles as he grabs it before it can hit the floor. 

“She’s a sweet baby,” Wayne says, smiling down at the girl, and Eddie nods in agreement. There's a moment of silence before Eddie looks at his uncle.

“You know, grandpa Wayne has a nice ring to it.” 

Wayne scoffs a little, but Eddie can see the way his eyes shine at the idea. “I’m sure she already has enough grandparents spoiling her. No need for me to get in the way.”

Eddie hums and reaches over, takes one of Rosie’s tiny hands in his own and just cradles it between his thumb and forefinger. “Actually, not really. Her mom’s family is totally out of the picture, and Steve’s parents are pretty shitty. He said they didn’t even acknowledge her the last time they came home.”

The older man frowns, looks between his nephew and the baby. “Are you serious? They just ignored their own grandbaby?” he asks, watching as Rosie brings Eddie’s hand to her mouth so she can gnaw on one of his fingers.

“Like I said, they’re pretty shitty. She deserves to have at least one grandparent who cares about her, even if they’re not blood.”

Wayne stays silent and Eddie glances at him. “I’ll double check with Steve, if it’ll make you feel better, but I’m sure he won’t mind.”

“As long as you ask first,” the man says after a moment, and Eddie just beams.

June 85’

Eddie finds a new delight, and that's bringing Rosie to visit Steve at work. It's definitely because he doesn’t want to keep Rosie cooped up in the trailer all the time, and not because he has a chronic need to see Steve in those sailor shorts as often as possible.

Today he actually has a proper reason to go to the mall, because he wants to grab a few miniatures from the gaming shop that just opened not too far from the food court. At least, that’s what he tells himself as he pulls Rosie from the van, making a mental note that she’s going to outgrow her carseat soon. He leaves the carrier behind as he totes her inside, glances briefly into the gaming shop as he passes before heading on to Scoops Ahoy.

As Eddie approaches the counter, he bites back his usual, cheery greeting when he sees Steve standing there, hands and jaw both clenched as he stares at the sticky plastic. If Eddie knew him any less, he wouldn't notice the tears welling in his eyes, the tremble in his lower lip. Before he can ask, he hears whispers coming from a nearby table, just loud enough that Eddie knows the three teenage girls sitting there don't care about actually being heard.

"I heard that he was probably cheating on Nancy Wheeler with the baby's mother, it's the only way it makes sense." 

"You’re so right. I mean, he's always been a playboy, so I'm not surprised that he was two-timing a couple of poor, unsuspecting girls." 

Eddie sees red at the biting words. These girls have no idea what they're talking about, they don't know that Steve wouldn't even dream of doing something like that. He leans over the counter and presses Rosie into Steve’s hands, startling the younger out of his stupor, and drops the diaper bag onto the floor. 

"I’ll be right back," Eddie says before heading out of the shop. He goes to a nearby food stand and buys the largest cup of Hawaiian Punch they have, then carries it back to Scoops Ahoy. He takes off the lid as he approaches the girls, and they don’t pay him any attention at all - until he upturns the cup onto the table and sends a flood of Red 40 spilling across the surface and down onto their laps. All three girls scream and jump up, trying to minimize the damage done to their clothes, and Eddie feels so smug.

“Oh my god, I’m so sorry,” he says, keeping his tone even and clearly unapologetic, and one of the girls turns to look at him, eyes blazing with fury. 

“What the fuck! What’s your fucking problem?!”

“Right now? You three shit-talking, pep-rally posers are my fucking problem. Just be happy it wasn’t a slushie.”

A different girl lets out a cry of anger as she grabs her ice cream and throws it at Eddie, hitting him square in the chest with it. He levels an unimpressed look at her and wipes the dessert off with his hand. “You ladies should probably get going before your clothes are stained beyond saving.”

As furious as they are, the three seem to agree as they quickly leave, but not without throwing a few more insults his way. He waves them off with a “Have a nice day!” then turns to see Robin now behind the counter instead of Steve, Rosie propped on her hip and a beaming smile on her face. 

“I’ll clean it up, I promise,” Eddie says as he makes his way back to the counter. 

"That was so awesome! I fucking hate those girls, they're always awful to Steve and they never tip," she says, and Eddie frowns. 

"Birdie, how long has this been going on?” 

Before Robin can answer, Steve appears from the back area with a bucket and mop, as well as a few hand towels, and Eddie rushes over to help him. They carry the supplies to the table, and Eddie wipes the juice onto the floor as Steve mops it up, the two working in tandem to clean up Eddie’s mess as Robin keeps an eye on Rosie.

“I’m sorry about this,” Eddie says after a few minutes of silence. “I was just… pissed off, and I wasn’t thinking, and this is the only thing I could think of to do that didn’t involve me throwing punches at girls.”

Steve hums softly, waits a moment before saying “I’m not upset. I just… You didn’t have to do that, you know.”

Eddie steps over, wrings out the rag into the mop bucket. “I wasn’t going to let them sit there and talk shit about you Steve. You’re stepping up and raising Rosie by yourself, and… You don’t deserve that. 

“Well, not all by myself.” Steve has a soft smile as he leans over and nudges his shoulder against Eddie’s. “You’ve done more than your fair share, I think.”

The blush that floods Eddie’s face matches the red still covering the floor and he quickly turns, almost trips as he goes back to the booth, and he hears Steve chuckle behind him. By the time the mess is completely cleaned up, Eddie’s hands are stained a soft pink even after a few washes in the employee sink.

“I should probably go before I cause any more damage to your place of employment.” he says, slinging Rosie’s bag over his shoulder. 

“I dunno, I kind of enjoy the free entertainment,” Robin chimes in, and Steve rolls his eyes as he takes Rosie from her. “Okay, next time you can spend ten minutes cleaning up Hawaiian Punch.”

Eddie groans and scrubs his stained hands over his face. “I’m never gonna live this down, am I?” he asks, and Robin grins. “Definitely not.”

He groans again, definitely over-exaggerating at this point just to make Robin laugh, and glances over to see Steve place a kiss to Rosie’s chubby cheek. “Alright, nugget, we gotta get back to work,” Steve says, and like a sixth sense, a group of four teens walk into the shop. Robin greets them as Steve hands Rosie over with a final peck.

“Hey,” Eddie says softly as he takes the baby and props her on his hip. “Call me before you leave and I’ll order us a pizza or something. Consider it an apology for my 'Shining' moment.” 

And his knees go weak when Steve gives him that soft smile and nods. “I think I could accept that apology.”

Tag list:

@luciana-rowan @bidisastersworld @little-gae-shit @thehumblefigtree @lifeisnotsobadonceyoustopcarin @estrellami-1 @shrimply-a-menace @anaibis @livelaughlexa @vampireinthesun @zerokrox-blog @mackdaddyofheimlichcountyy @idea-less-author @thegingerrapunzel @fantasyfr3ak @stevesbipanic @electrick-marionnett @tuesdaycats @seths-rogens @flustratedcas @qomrades @artiststarme @death-the-elf @itsanarrum @linkydinky06 @jaywhohasthegay @aboredowl @maya-custodios-dionach @swimmingbirdrunningrock @awkotaco24 @themardlonk @messrs-weasley @sly-bananabread @panicatthediaz @justforthedead89 @whalesharksart @eerielake @smolbasilboy @freyaforestafay @gleek4twd @gayngerthings @newtstabber @lucasrightarm @huskysarelife @i-must-potato @thegingervulcan @novelnovella @ryebread375 @stardustonpages

[obsolete-stars-if]

Heyyyy. I truly hope you are doing well. I enjoyed the last update. Shame I actually felt so bad for TK but also felt kinda bad for Mikhail. There's so many questions in my head regarding him. I loved that Sascha said he hates him lol it made me laugh and also Kate's response to that.

I missed Sascha and Samuel but the update was wonderful as usual.

I myself am scared of dogs so omg that was scary. I decided to read it and it was very well written. ♥️

Thanks so much for playing and sending the ask!

Finally, you learn more about TK, and hopefully understand more why they're so secretive and overprotective at times (don't forget there's a TK/Mikhail poly waiting for y'all)

Also feel free to throw any questions or theories at me, I may not confirm or deny them, since you know. But I'd love to hear them anyway and snicker at how unprepared each of you are for the plot coming.

I really hope I was able to sway some of you to Saschas side BCS the upcoming chapter is not nice on him. And I need y'all to be nice to him (not really he has it coming but also he is babygirl).

I'm glad you still enjoyed it even tho there were scary dogs included, there's an option to turn them off, beginning of chapter 5 and in the stats, so you don't have to deal with them if u r scared of them!

Thank you so much again and have a great day!

[starwalker03]

I realized WMLP Dick’s position in that army unit is similar to his early experience with the team. He’s the youngest has a lot of experience and skills his squad mates don’t, among peers for the first time in a while, hiding his true identity, gets pushed out of his comfort zone by the people he was with. Expect this time is was true war. And he came away without bonding with his team and looking down on them. Would this experience effect how he views his memories of The Team?

Huh. Actually that's a good point.

It would definitely make him remember how unprepared they were for That Whole Situation, just thrown into missions having never worked together except for the Cadmus mission which ended with an exploded building like. Bruh. I know they weren't giving the league many options but also what the fUCK guys y'all just sent them off on their merry way like that. The fact they didn't die in episode three is a miracle.

But then also he's so aware of the difference between working with people who are fighting because they're genuinely good people with a desire to help others, as opposed to... Well. People who wanna shoot guns, had no other options, want the military to pay off their degree, et cetera et cetera so on so forth. Like this team is so different to his old one it's almost distracting. It's almost problematic. It's almost enough to snap Dick out of the constant unrelenting need to do as he's told and question Slade because 'uh hey yeah what the fUCK is up with these people'

Dick has to force a level of indifference between himself and his new team because if he doesn't he can't focus on the task at hand. He can't help but think about the fact that these people should not be running around armed with thousands of lives in their hands.

It doesn't help that they're all unaware of half of the shit that goes down in the world. Even Dick's superiors have only the smallest understandings of figures like Count Vertigo and Gorilla Grod and none of them have any idea who Vandal Savage is. Queen Bee? Uh you mean the dictator of that small kick of desert in the middle east?

(CW for conversations about the "war on terror" ahead)

Oh my god. I didn't even consider that if Bialya and Qurac are middle eastern countries they're surprisingly close by during the wars of the early 2000s. Like I've hand waved and said 'yeah going off timeline Dick probably got sent around the middle east' but completely failed to realise he might have even been in Bialya or Qurac for missions.

I wonder how those countries engaged with wars in the area in lore. It's apparently north of Saudi Arabia and Iran in wider DC lore? But YJ isn't specific?

Here's a Reddit thread I found where people start getting into nitty gritty details:

Essentially they're depi ting Bialya and Qurac as west and east Iran, respectively. And also offering theories as to how those countries could have come to be.

If I continue to use Australia as the example (which I suppose I should cause I've essentially canonized it in the fic at this point), Australia was only particularly involved with Afghanistan and Yemen I believe, but I don't have an encyclopedic knowledge.

Bialya and Qurac could, possibly, border operations in Afghanistan. Young justice lore states that Bialya is a part of the UN and therefore may not be particularly open to military operations but very well could have housed a few bases on the borders.

Jesus. Getting this into the lore of YJ feels so strange and I'm honestly not sure if it's inappropriate or not. I could believe Queen Bee being involved with the war on terror, whether it's a part of Savage's plans or not, just because she enjoys conflict. Moreover it helps with the anti-Quraci thing she has going. From what I can tell of the show, Qurac seems to be a majority Islamic country? So I could see her manipulating the image of things to benefit her attempts to take back Qurac.

Well this spiralled. Uh I might end this answer here actually.

[vinbee631]

just got in a full blown argument that I was emotionally unprepared for, so I wanted to take the time to remind some of y'all about information overload

information overload can occur when a person tries to consume too much information all at once, and is particularly aided by the presence of social media and the internet, all the information we cold ever possibly need at our fingertips

i have a lot of perfectionist tendencies, and this extends to perfecting my opinions and understanding of situations going on around me. ie- current WGA and SAG-AFTRA strikes. but I'm not perfect, there is no way for my information to be 100% truthful, unbiased, and laid out in full for me without a lot of research.

it is important to stay informed on pertinent issues such as these. It is also important to know when to step back.

as you are supporting your local strikers and educating yourselves on the motives of the unions and their propositions for negotiation, remember to step back and see how this is affecting you <3

here is one of many resources you can use to prevent or manage information overload if it happens to you

[wtf-a-psychoanalysis]

Tw: Vent, Suicidal ideation, trauma, body horror, abuse, eating disorders reference to medias, god complex?

I'm not doing anything, i don't have it in me. And I'm afraid y'all reporting me to get help will make it worse, you can talk to me tho

For fucks sake i realized why i like the TMNT and Usagi Yojimbo and Good omens tho i might just misunderstanding everything

The teenage mutant ninja turtles have been through a lot of traumatic shit, getting their organs rapidly rearranged, killing adversaries, targeted and unaccepted yet they still got back up with the support of each other like. Yeah any Splinter taught them to be fighting machines but he taught them hope too and at least some confidence in themselves. Contribute to a team, have a family and fight to defend it

I want to kill myself because I didn't remember that i have to cook my dad food, get the dogs food ready, do something "productive" that my dad clearly sees.

I have no desire to feed myself, if feel no joy and in preparing and consuming if i can't even make something i want to eat, it's so stupid, i can't even make a sandwich for myself at home i can cook meat and eat raw tomatoes i guess l.

I wish I could be disciplined enough in anycraft to make myself survive or link me together in a group that accepts me and loves me and understand that i need them to be patient for me.

I might just starve myself, to please my father expectations of my weight loss and get out sooner. Idk

I hate being tied down by my things but they bring me joy.

I wish to be like Usagi, wandering after losing everything due to loyalty, focus, a duty that is greater than himself to the point living and helping others is just something you can do, or even not having a purpose to do so because failed you have nothing else.

A not only that but using life long discipline to get you through it.

While he's hardened and jaded by the world he still is kind and wise and has a lot to offer. I feel like a stillborn who calcified before leaving out to the world, attached to weigh down.

If i just up and leave, i would surely die, as i have been told. I think and i think and i think, i can't even cut myself because it would show. I am so soft and have already lost faith. Maybe there's a folk story out there about a beast locked up in a guilded cage while also unprepared for the world. A life people envy yet some how has been convinced that it shouldn't live, be angry, get sad or whatever because people have it worse.

I don't have a car to live in, people to move out with only because i feel like a burden, i want to walk And walk and walk but i have no skills to survive, a fleeting will to live and a fear my father will find me.

Why can't I get transformed in to something new or lose everything to have an excuse to leave or have skills or disciplines i can use for survival.

The only skill i have is to not go through with active self harm or suicide, to do nothing but hide away in my own body.

I can't gain skills because I'm too impatient and i want to be perfect so i will never look back to know how bad i was. If i do things wrong, i will get hurt.

I can't do anything without risk and i always do things wrong so why is it so hard to go through with things bad or good. If I'm able to go through with teaching myself discipline then what's stopping me from killing myself. Or the other way around.

I want to know what to do understand what people want, be selfish at times but in a healthy way. Be who I want to be or to be turned into it.

Sometimes i want to be such a vicious beast so no one can hurt me and so they can leave me alone. Other times I want pity from others so they can help me survive, why can't I be kind and helpful and just not die so i continue to live being nice and helpful.

Wander or settle somewhere else to take me away from here, maybe being untrue to myself.

The thing that accurately describes me is Aziraphael from good omens like I'm exactly like him, i collect books, i have friends who tell me that I'm being controlled, i feel like i can't fight it, just i need a catalyst to defend what i love and enjoy.

I wish I can kill myself to achieve such dreams but I know i doesn't work that way.

I keep living, i keep living, if my purpose is to suffer when finding something to enjoy in life, Gods probably made me immortal as life is needed.

I want to be a heirloom passed down and pretty given everything or a good man with a wife and family.

Or to wander for eternity to adapt so i can become a legend a myth, to keep experiencing. I want to live forever so i can out live my stressors, my abuser, my pain. Not needing to eat that much. Cursed to wander yet not losing my beauty, while i do have to earn respect from time to time, internal biology wouldn't be an issue. Tho with a hammer space i can have my cake and eat it too.

I guess i just want like any other person but why can't I be enough, will those wants go away when i feel fulfilled. I feel like i shouldn't feel like death or homelessness is gonna make my life feel better.

I want to be enough, experience and love myself.

If not I'll just try to be God and control things at earth level

[memoirs-of-learning-dad]

So many things on my mind today. This is a safe space for me - it's my journal, memoirs (the hint is in the name)! I suppose I can talk about anything here? One common theme in all the things on my mind today? My mental illnesses.

Number 1 in that list of things on my mind, parenting. It's tough being a parent. It's tougher doing it with absolutely no support system, no breaks & no days off. Let's make it more interesting, and throw in a little bit of bipolar and ADHD, and things start getting really interesting. Time to dive deeper?

Not having a support system sucks. Do y'all know the first time I ever held a baby? My own daughter - I read up so much before, watched so many videos, about parenting and pregnancy etc etc. But nothing prepares you for the real thing. I will honestly admit, before my daughter was born, this is how unprepared I was - I had never seen a diaper in my life, I didn't know what formula was. And then there was this person in my arms. Thanks to COVID, we had no one helping us - like literally, it was just paapu, partner and me for almost 13 months. Even now, we are just teaching each other along the way, figuring it out as and when a new challenge shows up; reddit, YouTube, video calls with parents. But it's not the same as having someone help you or teach you. One of the worst things about living as an immigrant is being completely cut off from your old life, in a sense. Granted, we are lucky that technology has now given us tools that I'm able to see my parent's faces live everyday. But it's not the same. As an immigrant, your friends become your family. We need to get over our introversion and go ask for help from friends sometimes.

It's exhausting as it is, and with my mental condition, it is just draining. Mentally, emotionally, physically. If you've never interacted with a 2 year old toddler you'll not know what I'm talking about. it's called the "terrible twos" apparently, now I know why. One moment they're the cutest, sweetest beings on earth, and the other, your worst nightmare. The look in her eyes, when she walks up to hug or kiss me, just holding her in my arms - best feeling ever! Holding those tiny arms, that feeling when she's sitting in my lap and reading a book? No words to describe it. But then, they know exactly what buttons to press to upset you as well. As I said, I haven't seen many babies - but all my relatives or friends who have, tell me that my daughter is a bit extra rebellious, hyperactive, and wild. Sometimes, it scares the s*** out of me. Are bipolar and ADHD genetic? Experts don't know for sure, what if? I really don't want to go down that rabbit hole. Even typing that sentence, and my heart rate is up, I'm shaking my legs nervously. God please spare her from all these struggles.

I have known about bipolar for a couple of years now so I have some grip over the way my bipolar affects me. I have very little patience, I'm short of temper. But therapy and constant practice in coping mechanisms help a lot. But ADHD? I got diagnosed just 3 or 4 months back. I'm just now learning about all the symptoms - some things I am aware of are a compulsive need to put stuff away immediately after using them; uneasiness when daily routine changes; irritated by having to tell the same things repeatedly; if something is not going according to plan or according to how I expected it, I start freaking out. Imagine all these triggers with a toddler. The medications and therapy helps with coping, to a great extent, but y'all have to understand. I have lived my entire life undiagnosed - "prior to therapy" way of thinking and coping was normal for me. I thought literally everybody goes through the same feelings and emotions, so wrong I was. So suddenly being conscious about these illnesses, seeing those patterns in behavior, understanding what the triggers are, figuring out what parts are the disorder, what parts are actually me? It's a long process. Understanding my mind and being in peace with it.

And then there's my partner. She is a perfectionist. She wants only the best possible upbringing for our daughter, to the point that subconsciously I think I'm putting too much undue pressure on myself to make everything perfect. We both make mistakes, I make them more. My threshold for patience is lower, so I tend to walk away more often. But yes, when I'm walking away I'm evidently upset - either cursing under my breath or ignoring my daughter's calls. Today this exact thing happened and partner doesn't like it. When I do calm down I come back to my daughter and apologize for my behavior and explain to her what upset me. I don't know how much a 2 year old retains, but that's a healthy way of coping, no? After paapu slept my partner told me she specifically had a problem with my cursing. She doesn't want "our family to use that kind of language". I felt like it was a bit much, paapu hardly heard me. And also I wasn't going off like Tupac's Hit 'em up either. I think I muttered "f this, get lost". I mean I agree with her in the overall idea, but it's not easy to change the way I speak overnight, or even in days. Look, I'm no street guy in the real sense, I work a desk job in a top organization, but I grew up in a tough environment. I mean, I'm still privileged, my parents gave me a good education, good values, set me up for a successful life. But I still grew up with folk who weren't necessarily cultured. I have had a very wild college life. Skipped every lecture, got into drugs, alcohol, partying, and did some real f'd up s*** I'm not proud of. So it's going to take time to unlearn and learn a new way of speaking. Is this my justification for cursing around my toddler when I'm upset? Maybe? I'm not convinced by it though, I have had 2 years to work on this. I don't know the point of this, I'm upset at my wife? I'm going to speak with her about this anyway, maybe tomorrow morning? She'll understand I'm sure. But what really has gotten me so upset? Maybe we can both work through it. Amazing, how my emotions go from 0-100-0 in a matter of days/hours. Is that normal? Or is it bipolar?

I also want to write a little about this awesome post I read on reddit the other day. Somebody had posted a question about "weird intrusive thoughts that ADHD/OCD folk have that they think are completely normal". The responses blew my mind. There were so many comments summarizing exactly how I felt - and it's both encouraging and disappointing. It feels good to know that there are people out there thinking the exact same way, no matter how weird it might seem to the outside world, if you knew you knew kinda thing. Then there's the other side, some of those things and thoughts? I thought they were my things, unique to my personality - things that define me somehow. Is it all just a symptom of an illness? Do two illnesses describe such a big part of me and my personality?

Anyway, there were so many things there, that made me go like OMG that's not normal? Like, someone had posted about how they go through an entire scenario of physically painful circumstances and actually imagine those things - like looking at a car crash or reading about an accident and thinking about how the injuries would feel to me if I was in there and then suddenly freak out because I could actually imagine it in third person perspective. Before, even small routine things like going to get my blood work done freaks me out and I used to trip for a couple of days prior at least. Like what if the needle is infected? What if they puncture my vein or something? Blood spurting everywhere! Sounds ridiculous? Tell that to me when I'm wide awake late night tripping about it the day before. But now when such thoughts come, I just push through the scary part of imagination and then there's literally nothing else next in that scenario. Like keep asking yourself what next? And at some point the story becomes ridiculous.

Then there was this other thing which was so relatable. Going on a highway at 70mph and suddenly there's a thought or urge to just abruptly jerk the steering wheel around. I mean I'm never doing it consciously but that thought just pops up and immediately goes away. And I'm like what was that all about. I tried to show that to my partner thinking she would relate or understand what I'm saying or feeling. Guess the first thing she said? That if that's true I shouldn't be driving with paapu. Huh? This convo was on text, so I really couldn't figure out if she was serious or sarcastic, I seriously hope it's the latter. Am I mad at her because I think she meant the former? That's another thing I want to ask her tomorrow. I mean it's normal for me, these intrusive thoughts, and I know they just come and go, I never act or anything on them, but does she understand that? How does a non-ADHD mind process intrusive thoughts like that, do they even get them?

BTW everything I wrote above? Someone had mentioned this too. Taking a tiny thought or a small thing somewhere and the mind just spirals out of control. Future tripping as my therapist calls it. But that's why I'm here writing this journal to let my thoughts flow naturally and that helps me put things into perspective and come out of this with a better mindset.

One last thing, about how a small part of a song like one sentence or a couple of bars gets stuck in your head? In a loop? For hours? Ya, I thought that was special about me. Your see, I'm not educated in music. Like I don't even know the basics, I tried my hand at self teaching guitar once. But I listen. Like I really love listening. Listening. Trying to listen to the different sounds, trying to figure out the instrument, learning the lyrics to selected songs. We humans have such a deep connection with music, it's one of the most beautiful things that we as humans have ever created. My relationships with music is a different post on its own (some day), but let's focus on the thing about small parts that get stuck in my head? They're usually these small tiny details in songs that I catch after listening to a song on repeat for hundreds of times. Like obsessively listen to that full song to catch that one or two bits I like. My taste in music keeps changing, some day I'm into classic rock, the next day listening to gangster rap. and the immediate next song will be a foreign language love song. Currently, I'm in nostalgia mode. I am listening to the really popular radio songs from the time when I was 18 (for some absolutely unknown reason). If anyone is reading, here's three songs and the bits that are stuck in my mind, and I'm obsessively listening to are

50 Cents - In Da Club. The stanza where he raps, "my flow, my show, got me the dough" until "Look *****, I done came up and I ain't changed"

Akon - I wanna love you. Now this one will be tricky to describe, it's not a lyric or a tune that I'm stuck on. it's just the sound of one instrument that is going in a loop the entire song. It is the keyboard/Casio sound, I think? If you pay close attention, for the first three notes there's echo, then there's no echo for the next three notes. I don't know how else to describe it. It would be amazing if you know what I'm talking about and noticed it after reading this, please comment if you do!

Usher - Yeah! This one is also a specific sound that you can hear during certain times of the song. It's a flute like sound that plays faintly when the chorus is playing the first time around the one minute mark. When the words "Yeah!" is being sung, you can hear the faint flute like sounds which has roughly about 5 notes.

What do I conclude with? What has this post been about? Just a rant? Parenting struggles? learning about ADHD? The weird relationship between music and mental illness? All of them? For me? Work on cursing less around my daughter, maybe replace those words with asked words to express intense emotion? Like Darn blah blah. Keep exploring and learning more about ADHD.

Until next time Tumblr!

[supersoldierhimbo]

INDEPENDENCE DAY (1996) SENTENCE STARTERS

feel free to change pronouns/context as needed!

If this isn't an insanely beautiful woman, I'm hanging up.

I think you should listen to this.

Hey, you have any idea how long it takes for those to decompose?

If you don't move soon, I'm gonna start to decompose.

You may inadvertently trigger an interstellar war.

Oh god, I hope they bring back Elvis.

Everyone's trying to get out of Washington, and we're the only schmucks trying to get in.

If I had known I was gonna meet the president, I would've worn a tie. I mean look at me. I look like a schlemiel.

Is that an earthquake?

Go back to sleep.

A countdown... wait, a countdown to what, ___?

It's like in chess: First, you strategically position your pieces and when the timing is right, you strike.

You punched the president?

There you go, thinking you're all that. But you are not as charming as you think you are.

I picked a hell of a day to quit drinking.

You're leaving now?

Los Angeles, New York, and Washington D.C. have been left in ruins...

Let's kick the tires and light the fires, big daddy!

Why we are on this particular mission, we'll never know.

But I do know, here, today, that the ____ will emerge victorious once again.

___, listen, pack your stuff and head for ___. Don't argue with me; just go.

___, why did I just send my mother to Atlanta?

This could be our last night on Earth. You don't want to die a virgin, do you?

Look, I really don't think they flew 90 billion light years to come down here and start a fight. Get all rowdy.

Smart man. Shot in the back, very sad.

Oh, yeah, great. Now he tells me.

I don't understand, where does all this come from?

How do you get funding for something like this?

None of you did anything to prevent this!

There was nothing we could do! We were totally unprepared for...

That's not entirely accurate.

As you can imagine, they... they don't let us out much.

This is the vault. Or as some of us like to call it: the Freak Show.

At this rate, we could be looking at the worldwide destruction of every major city in the next 36 hours.

Then we're being exterminated.

Oh, crap.

Oh no, you did NOT shoot that green shit at me!

Who's the man? Huh? Who's the man?!

Wait til I get another plane!

Welcome to earth!

Now that's what I call a close encounter.

Y'know, this was supposed to be my weekend off, but no.

And what the hell is that smell?!

I could've been at a barbecue!

But I ain't mad.

This is a restricted area. I can't let you pass without clearance.

You wanna see my clearance?

Maybe I'll just leave this here with you.

What do you want us to do?

Is that glass bulletproof?

They're like locusts.

Let's nuke the bastards.

Haven't you ever wanted to be part of something special?

I was part of something special.

What the hell are you doing?!

A toast, to the end of the world.

This is our victory dance.

Don't say "oops."

What do you say we try that again?

That word should have new meaning for all of us today.

We will not go quietly into the night!

We will not vanish without a fight!

We're going to live on!

We're going to survive!

You really think you can do all that bullshit you just said?

I have got to get me one of these!

However, that is a mistake, I am happy to say, that I don't have to live with.

Doesn't anybody have any missiles left?

Okay, boys, let's give ___ some cover. Gentlemen, let's plow the road!

Do me a favor.

In the words of my generation: up yours!

Hello boys--I'm back!

They're bringing us in.

When the hell was you gonna tell me?

Oops.

Time's up.

We're gonna have to work on our communication.

Nobody's perfect.

Payback's a bitch, ain't it?

I always thought things like this would kill me.

Take a look at the earthlings.

Y'all take care, all right?

Nothing but love for ya.

Think they got any idea of what's about to happen to them?

Can you get us out of here in 30 seconds?

I ain't heard no fat lady!

Forget the fat lady, you're obsessed with the fat lady! Drive us out of here!

We're not hit, we're not hit! Stop side-seat driving!

What the hell do you think I'm doing?

Go faster, must go faster, must go faster.

Elvis has left the building!

Any word from them?

Hold it, ___, I've got something on radar.

___... not bad. Not too bad at all.

Oh, so this is healthy?

Didn't I promise you fireworks?

[pixie-cocaine]

ATEEZ reaction to: Jongho and his s.o. being sexually active

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

A/N: this was requested by my most active reader, I love her with all my heart y'all ugh-. Anyways, do enjoy ;)

Songs Listened To: BOW - Duckwrth, She Wolf - Shakira, Slow Motion - Trey Songz

(also, explicit/mature, so read at your own risk!)

Hongjoong ♡:

• acted like he was in a damn melodrama with the way he gasped and pointed at the hickeys littering the side of Jongho’s neck

• “Yah! What are those!?”

• simply cannot fathom the fact that stwong baeby Jongie gets his dick wet aonshsha-

• whips out his phone and calls you as soon as Jongho tries to dip

• “_______, please tell me you weren’t fucking Jongho while I was right across the hall”

• “ummmmm” *hangs up*

• sits down and thinks deeply for like, five years

• head goes straight into the gutter everytime he sees both you and Jongho

• also fucking sucks at keeping a straight face when Jongho carries you back to his room whenever you fall asleep

Seonghwa ♡:

• shot wide awake when he heard Jongho whimper from the other side of the wall

• was about to go back to sleep when he realized who was making the noise

• boy really said “This is just a dream” and pulled the cover over his head to fall back to Dreamland

• you bet your ass the next morning he’d be side-eyeing both of y'all

• mama Hwa is hella sketchy lmao

• “So… How did you both sleep?”, “You look a little sweaty, _____, are you ok?”, “Woah, Jongho. Your voice is all scratchy, did something happen?”

• just a huge ass cheeky bitch lol

• but overall, he’d understand that of course y'all would be fuckin. Like, Jongho has his needs, and you’re his lover, so it should be expected that you’d have your fun

Yunho ♡:

• found out in the worst way possible lmao

• was hanging with Jongho when he got a text from you

• once he opened it?

• BAM

• he got a first-class view of your ass

• freaked out and thought you were going behind Jongho’s back until he read the following message

• “You’d better ready to eat me out once you get home, Jongie-baby~”

• screamed and threw the phone at Jongho, who in turn, began to panic at the fact that his friend saw what was meant for him

• “Goddamnit, Jongho! Get your girlfriend under control!”

• but afterwards he wouldn’t stop teasing both of you about it sjshsh

Yeosang ♡:

• would be walking to the bathroom so he could take a shower

• knocked once before immediately following it up with opening the door and almost hacking up his lung at the sight bestowed upon his unprepared eyes

• Jongho, desperately gripping at the sink’s rim from behind your head, gasping as he looked down at you. You were sandwiched between the sink and Jongho, his cock halfway down your throat, and if Yeosang leaned to the right a bit, he could see that you hand one hand between your legs, playing with yourself.

• stood there for a second, brain processing what he was seeing

• and then he’d nod with a satisfied hum before closing the door

• later on, if either of you ever tried to bring it up, he’d make like he had sudden amnesia and pretend nothing happened

• “I have absolutely no idea what you’re talking about”

• he would still think about it everytime he saw Jongho tho, he’d be happy that Jongho found someone who could help relieve him of his stress

• this was kinda dirty I’m so sorry

San ♡:

• would be sitting next to Jongho when the younger got a call from you

• the only things he heard before Jongho practically broke his fingers trying to end the call were;

• “Babe, drop whatever your doing because a certain someone wants to gobble-gobble that fat co-”

• looked at Jongho like he’d said he found a way to world solve world hunger but decided that people deserved to starve

• said: ◉‿◉

• before Kirby running to go snitch to Wooyoung

• bro I already KNOW this smug ass bitch can’t keep his mouth shut

• I can tell he was one of those kids who said “OooooOoOOOooh” when someone got called to the office

• I’m bouta punt this lil-

• anyways

• yeah, he wouldn’t shut up about it and began to pester both you and Jongho about it, all the while running his mouth to everybody on the planet

Mingi ♡:

• would be in the kitchen when you waddled in wearing a cute little pink T-shirt and socks

• he wouldn’t really think much of your messy hair, considering you really had been taking a nap prior to when the boys began to watch movies together

• but when you smiled at him before moving behind him to reach for the liquor cabinet which resulted in the hem of your shirt lifting over your thighs

• it showcased the subtle bite marks and blooming hickeys specking the insides

• he would frown and point at your legs

• “______-ah, what happened to your legs?”

• and that’s when your mouth would vanish into a black hole and you’d rush to get a glass of whine before getting the hell out of there

• actually finds it kind of hilarious

• but still feels odd thinking about how Jongho had been fuckin

• pretty shy around you ever since then

Wooyoung ♡:

• San’s rude ass would be the one to tell Woo about you and Jongho’s late-night escapades

• and of course Woo would be super proud of Jongho for finally having some fun, considering the boy had been single for the most part of ten years, only his hand keeping him company

• so when he saw you walk in from work, clothes all mused and face painted over with an exhausted frown, he’d throw a teasy ass comment your way

• “Tired?”

• “Yeah. Today was pretty busy.”

• “I’m sure Jongho would have no problem helping you relax.”

• bro, you would look at him like a deer in headlights

• ●👄● is what you said

• then you’d laugh and punch him playfully as a cover-up so you didn’t choke his ass to death

• but overall, he’d just be happy that Jongho found someone who he’s comfy with

Jongho ♡:

• very thankful for you :)

[kurootsuki]

Hawks x Juki! ♡

word count: 9.6k

character(s): Hawks (bnha), Bakugo (bnha)

genre: angst

If you have wings, spread them and fly.

Since he'd been able to get up from that damn hospital bed, he'd remained there. Always beside her, no matter how badly he could move his wings or how sore and exhausted his body was, he completely refused to leave until she reacted again. It was the least he could do.

From the moment she accepted his offer to practice work studies at his company two months ago, he thought that, somehow, heaven was rewarding him for all he had ever had to do in his past. After all, maybe it was that glowing aura that had attracted him at first glance, maybe the way she smiled, so unwavering amidst the flowers and vines after catching the first villain in their joint vigil, or even the sweet timbre of her voice when she spoke to himself excited by her achievement. In the end, it should just be the combo of all this that made him, every day, open more and more gaps to be with the girl.

Until the moment he ruined everything.

"You need to wake up... Need to come back to me." hawks muttered, his throat still burning after all the time he'd screamed like crazy.

Hawks knew he didn't deserve her, Julia being there was a very clear sign of that. An example of how naive and weak he could be. How selfish and presumptuous he was.

"So are you really going to keep acting like that, Keigo? This is ridiculous!" Julia retorted, walking quickly behind him, her arms stretched out at her sides with her fists clenched. "You had promised to leave us the night patrol, dammit... What made you give up so suddenly?"

"Nothing in particular. Y'all just are not ready for that responsibility yet." replied with a certain calmness in his voice while walked through the quiet streets. His heart fluttering just at the way his own name sounded on her lips.

A big lie. They were more than ready for that, it was no wonder they had gotten the hero's license but since, by accident, he overheard her conversation with Bakugo... Keigo didn't want to give them even more space to stay together. He didn't care if it had been his idea to accept the boy too. At that moment, he was more focused on ending the possible date bet if they arrested a villain after this night — an idea offered by Bakugo, of course.

"But i already sent Sero and bakugo to another area, you know that we had planned to keep an eye on earlier!"

"Just calling them back, isn't that hard." replied with mock amusement in his voice, spying her out of the corner of his eye. "Not to mention that this plan is horrible, villains don't do things according to what we're thinking they will. Well, unless they're incredibly stupid and predictable... Is that the type you like?"

"Definitely not. I'd love to hit one who was more 'childish and no honor' type," countered as if she understand the subtext of his words. From what he already knew about Julia, that should be the right option. "You make us run like crazy ones after you while you're flying up away, gives us small breaks and barely teaches us, if you stop to think..."

Stopping abruptly around the corner, he felt her bump lightly on his wings for couldn't stop in time, which made him smile slightly. Turning to her, he crossed his arms in front of chest, his golden eyes even brighter even in the dark night.

"Are you saying i'm a bad hero? I've been making more and more spaces in my busy schedule to take you all with me. All I'm doing is teaching y'all to push their own limits, if you can't see this, it just proves how unprepared you are."

A long silence settled between them and Hawks regretted it the damn second when he saw the pain it caused on her. While watched the face that had previously been so full of energy fill now with such disappointment, Keigo wanted to take back everything he'd said, wanted to hug her and apologize for his rudeness, for his inexplicable jealousy. Not that they both had anything, there were times when, while they are together, his hopeful heart would scream words of encouragement into his mind, telling him that maybe, just this once, he could have someone for himself who truly love him. Someone who saw him in the deepest than he usually showed.

"Don't lie to me, Keigo. I don't know the reason for all this but i know you, and i know that's not it the real reason." Julia said, as if she could read in his gaze the anguished thoughts inside him which definitely caught him off guard. "You can trust me, I... KEIGO!"

And then the worst happened. In an instant, he was standing next to her and, in the blink of an eye, her body had been thrown away by firm vines made of the girl's quirk.

Swearing under his breath, Hawks used the movement of his own wings to ease the impact against the wall across the street. The place that was once so quiet now filled with the sound of terrified screams and explosions of vehicles as, through a portal, a huge Nomu attacked that area after trying to attack him. Raising quickly, his eyes looked frantically for Julia, his heart beating painfully fast.

Being honest with himself, everything after the moment he finally found the girl's body — lying among the rubble of a building a few kilometers from where they were — passed in a huge blur. Even his mind refusing to accept the reality behind it.

Using his feathers, Hawks managed to fend off all the civilians around, getting them out of there safely, the sound of an explosion nearby indicating that the others boys had also arrived at the place, as well as others heroes nearby from there. It didn't matter. His mind focused only on the small body he was desperately pulling away from the rubble.

Taking her in his arms, Hawks brushed the brown streaks from her face smeared with dust and blood, his own desperate tears blurring further in the cracked visors as he stared at the wounded body, the flowering vines that once surrounded a euphoric body now they remained stained with the crimson liquid.

It couldn't be happening...

Please... Fate couldn't be so cruel.

Taking the younger one's hands in his own, Keigo allowed himself to intertwine his fingers, his eyes moving from her face to the viewfinder of the machines beside the bed, that 'beep, beep, beep' just no louder than his own thoughts.

"I was reckless in so many ways... Completely careless and you ended up paying the price for it... If i could... I wish was possible to switch places." whispered as he leaned his forehead against the back of theirs hands united, fighting with all their might against tears. "If the other heroes don't getting there too i..."

It was useless to grieve like that. It would not change the reality of events. He wasn't even sure if Julia could hear him because, according to the doctors, despite the serious fractures she would still have a chance to get well with the proper care. With a heavy sigh, Hawks looked again at the face full of small bandages, approaching his hand until it was so close that he could already feel the softness of her skin, stopping mere centimeters, pulling out the hand before daring a more intimate touch.

"I was lying. You are already a really great heroine, you are strong and smart and completely prepared. More than me, to be honest. Forgive me not only for everything that happened but... But for being moved by my jealousy and not being able to protect you." assumed still in a shameful low tone, even though he kept looking at her face. "Two months. It was all you needed to get my heart in your hands, I've never felt like this... I didn't know how to deal with this information... I messed up and was selfish to wish i had you for me when, in the end, you could be in love with someone else. And it's okay, it's not your job to love me back... I just... I wish i had the courage to say that to you long ago"

Once again his eyes burned with the tears that blurred more and more his vision, he felt again as helpless to everything as in his childhood and that made him close his eyes tightly. Even though they were in a room away from others, he could hear the confusion that was starting some distance away, recognizing Bakugo's voice among the other nurses who seemed to want to stop him from going ahead.

The time was running out.

"I love you Julia. In the fullest sense I know. It doesn't erase what I've done but i hope you can move on when things get better... I wish i had the courage to say that to you well before, tell you how amazing you are and how you've turned my days better with your warm smiles and your unique way of seeing the world. Being close to you gave me the same feeling i got when i'm flying, it's so beautiful and free..."

Standing up, Hawks brought both hands up to his neck, taking off the necklace he always wore, the steps and screams now getting closer and closer to the room.

"If you have wings, spread them and fly. I know you'll fly even farther, little bird. I hope you forgive me one day." he whispered as he took one of his feathers, an even smaller one, fitting it into the small red crystal of the necklace now around her neck, hiding it in her clothes while gently kissed her forehead. "Just be happy. Even with someone else."

And Before Bakugo or any of the other nurses could enter the room, he lifted the tall window panes, letting the breeze stir his golden strands, spreading his long wings wide, even though the movement still sent painful waves through his body. Turning towards to admire her one last time, heard the sound of the door being opened abruptly by Katsuki who glared at him with eyes filled with hatred and a silent promise of violence.

Hawks smiled. Not in his usual teasing way, but a real smile because, before he flew off into the lonely night, he saw it. Hawks had witnessed the exact moment Julia opened her eyes. Focus firstly on him.

And then, he was gone.

[yanderecandystore]

Reader is alone in their room throwing a rubber ball against the wall which at one point rolls away but is returned to them. Looking up they see a single eye ball, Buddy is slowly making themselves visible again. Buddy is covered in healed scars and wound. A soft whine and a wag of a tail. Black and Red pop in for the daily check up and see whats going on Remeber self care is best care :o - Cold Anon

Thanks for caring for me Cold, but like- You really do be breaking my heart with these beautiful angst concepts ;^;

TW/Tags: Feels (angst lol) // mentions of animal abuse // d r a m a (also a little different from what you originally thought off-) // cursing // plot twist that was pulled straight out of my ass- (I can't blame y'all if this seem boring or uninteresting lol, but it was the only plot twist that I felt like it was fitting).

🍭꒰⑅ᵕ༚ᵕ꒱˖♡🍮꒰⑅ᵕ༚ᵕ꒱˖♡🍰꒰⑅ᵕ༚ᵕ꒱˖♡🍮꒰⑅ᵕ༚ᵕ꒱˖🍭

Broken smile [Yandere!Among Us x Reader - Headcanon]:

Can you imagine your shock at seeing the familiar eyes looking at your own with nothing but relief and sorrow? Can you imagine seeing your little warrior walking inside your room slowly and clumsy due to his wounds.

You jump out of bed and go hug your best friend, despite knowing fully well that he hasn't recovered fully from whatever hell he clearly went through. He was anticipating the impact but it still hurts him despite his best efforts to hold it in-

You haven't come off of your bedroom that day, most of the crew was too busy to notice that you weren't doing your tasks, but of course they would notice before everyone else-

"- Babe, have you seen [Y/N] anywhere? I have a feeling we haven't talked much."

"- That's because we didn't. They haven't gotten out of their room ever since this morning-"

"- What?? Black, you should have told me sooner, come on, we need to see if they're okay- Wait!"

"- W-What is it??"

"- Where…. Black, where is M.Red?"

Instead of going straight to checking how you were they decided to search for their child since Mini Red just suddenly disappeared-

They eventually found him, and scolded the young child for giving both of his parents a heart attack, when asked where he was, M.Red said something quite surprising:

"- I was playing doctor with the doggie!"

You heard loud bagging on your door, you didn't really expect anyone to call you so late, they probably noticed you haven't attend to any of the tasks in the spaceship (although let's be honest, you're more surprised it took them 24 hours to notice that instead of realizing your lack of presence sooner-).

You recognized that friendly family that you have grown to appreciate over the past month, Red and Black has been nothing but sweet with you and M.Red is such a energetic kid-

You didn't want to get out of your room, so instead you welcomed them in, and as soon as their eyes looked at the medicines and the space canine laying on top of it all covered in wounds, they understood what happened.

He came back. The stupid dog came back, yet in their hearts there was nothing like hate or anger at the sight of the severely damaged dog.

No, on the contrary, there was pity inside them mixed with somewhat of a relief.

Well, don't get me wrong, they hate your dog still, he is nothing more than an immense rock in their path yet there is something so, well, "heartwarming" about seeing you reunited.

It's so fun to see their loved one so happy even if it's because of… That dog.

You didn't come out of your room at all that day, you just wanted to be with your friend and take care of him, you took first-aid kits on medbay to take care of his untreated wounds. Buddy came back all patched up yet whoever did it clearly didn't do a good job at it in the first place! You were glad someone at least tried to help, yet there was something very worrying about his condition-

If someone tried to fix him up, it was because he was hurt in the first place. Buddy is a smart boy yet he wouldn't be able to properly recover those wounds on his own.

So when you brought the topic to them, you didn't expect a small hand be raised in such a excited way- M.Red was so proud of his work despite the fact he doesn't know anything about treating a wounded space animal, and honestly he didn't care- He saw it all as a fun game, in his eyes finding the dog in such a small and convenient finding place was nothing but a fun game, he not only found a good hiding spot to play hide and seek with Black, but also the dog, which he only saw as a toy.

To put it promptly, Buddy was waiting to die by the hands of the gremlin child, yet he was delightfully surprised to see the child so excited about helping him get his wounds treated, despite the fact they did it for their own twisted little amusement. At least the kid liked him more than his parents did.

Both of his parents were hesitant in letting you know that their kid had found the dog before you did, since it could be considered kinda weird for their kid to be able to find your dog in a isolated tiny spot of the spaceship that was completely off the cameras view and only accessible by the ventilation system- They lied about their child randomly founding the dog walking around instead of actually founding the filthy thing's hiding place.

No one can go in the vents unless they were small or a shapeshifting monster, and their child just happened to be both at the same time-

Either way, after finally being reunited with your dog, everyone expected things to go back to normal, even Buddy seemed tired of this nonsense, yet things never did go back to the way they were.

It was interesting how much of an impact you had on your crew. People didn't give you that much attention, yet whenever you changed your behavior it seemed to take over the entire mood of the ship. You may be thinking I'm exaggerating, yet it's not hard to believe it, is it?

After all, think about it, your dog just came back hurt from something that has done a great deal of damage to him. Something or someone made him hide away from everyone else so he could catch a break.

Buddy was a brave boy yet he was careful enough to see when a fight wasn't worth fighting. Buddy ran away and managed to hide for so long, he must have seen something or someone that was capable of scaring him from even coming back unprepared.

You mentioned that at your meeting and everyone seemed shocked at your claims, and even more surprised by how you sounded so… Angry. You sounded like someone that was calm now, yet was holding enough anger to fight anyone if not everyone in the cafeteria if they gave you the smallest hints of being the one that has hurted your doggie.

Even though he was kinda weirded out by your demeanor, the poor thing thought that he had caused you so much pain that him coming back wasn't the best thing he should have done. You were the same person as when he ran away, yet you sounded so mad…

And you rightfully were. You have been beating yourself up and feeling depressed thinking your sweet boy has died and when he comes back he is wounded to the point of not being able to walk properly. You have every right to want to beat the shit of whoever did this, even if they weren't human to begin with.

You felt like you had every right to judge every single person sitting in front of you, anyone in this room could have hurted Buddy and you knew it. The arguing was so strong that you had to be calmed down by Red, Black and Buddy at the same time.

One person in particular seemed to be pointing you out as "obviously the killer" that has orchestrated this whole charade as a way to throw everyone off, you almost did slap a bitch that day-

Others seem to understand your condition. You literally just lost your dog and he came back all bloodied and wounded. You were hurt and pissed at whoever the culprit was, even if you weren't sure of who it was.

And there was a strong intuition indicating that maybe the culprit that hurted your dog, was also the monster going around killing your crewmates. But sadly, Buddy has also changed after the incident.

Buddy didn't seem to recognize who.was the culprit, and if he could have blamed Red and Black, he knew that it was neither of them that had attacked him. Someone else has taken him by surprise, and was smart enough to cover their scent and human disguise, so he wouldn't recognize them if he managed to get away. Which he is glad he did, yet he is afraid he won't be of any help this time around.

He could blame Red and Black, since clearly they were going around killing everyone, but he somehow knew that they weren't involved with his case. He felt like it would be unfair to put the blame on them for his case in particular, they should still be thrown off of the spaceship but not for him.

But for all the different people they killed along the way.

And also… Maybe he did feel pity for the child, maybe he just felt like he was in debt with the kid for helping him out- Maybe if the circumstances were different he could have been friends with the little rascal (if the child had also decent parents and a therapist-).

You seemed to have noticed how Buddy hasn't openly barked at anyone, how he hasn't pointed anyone out yet, which was a little disheartening since it meant that this would be a lot harder than expected, yet you hadn't given up yet, you were determined to make justice for your dog, for everyone that had died.

Some of your crew were with you, some weren't, yet you didn't care at all- You would make sure to take care of your boy with more love and affection, you won't let this happen to him ever again.

And while you had found some sort of hope from this situation, Red and Black were concerned if not freaked out at the idea that someone else had started a hunting spree, and apparently with you and your dog as their target.

Red had asked their son if he was the one to hurt the canine, yet he said that he found him like that, hurt and bleeding. Black was feeling anxious as he couldn't smell the scent of someone of his kind hiding in between them, I'd they were also disguising themselves, it meant that they were being extra careful by flooding themselves with extra scents to blend in with everyone else.

This was way more than concerning, it meant they were in danger, you were in danger! And the culprit was being one step ahead from everyone else, since they have probably already found out about Black being an alien that has also invaded the ship, and that Red and M.Red were involved with the killings.

There were apparently three imposters among your crewmates.

🍭꒰⑅ᵕ༚ᵕ꒱˖♡🍮꒰⑅ᵕ༚ᵕ꒱˖♡🍰꒰⑅ᵕ༚ᵕ꒱˖♡🍮꒰⑅ᵕ༚ᵕ꒱˖🍭

Okay sorry Cold, but now I noticed that although I tried to compile your both asks into one, it feels like I may have not done the best ;-; I'm sorry. I could totally redo it and make the Reader sick and all- If you wish boo

🍭꒰⑅ᵕ༚ᵕ꒱˖♡🍮꒰⑅ᵕ༚ᵕ꒱˖♡🍰꒰⑅ᵕ༚ᵕ꒱˖♡🍮꒰⑅ᵕ༚ᵕ꒱˖🍭

[amysteryspot]

The Hunting Party - Writing Prompts

304. I'm my own casualty. I fuck up everything I see, fighting in futility.

305.We start the final war, tell me what's worth fighting for, when we know there's nothing more.

306. I give you what you came for, this is not the same though.

307. High as y'all can get, you're never really in my range though

308. Careful what you shoot because you might hit what you aim for.

309. So what'cha waiting for, anticipating more, while you debate what it could take to instigate a war?

310. Yeah, I been hated more than time I wasn't hated for. There's nothing they can fucking say they didn't say before, but you could never see it, your battle's not mine.

311. While you're waiting for a purpose, I already got mine.

312. And if I do what you demand, you'll let me understand. You say you're gonna hold me to your word. and if I sell myself away, I'll have no debt to pay. I'm gonna get what I deserve.

313. Your word, obeyed. My debt, repaid. Our trust, betrayed. All for nothing! All for nothing!

314. I'm disgusted. Wonder what could've made you tuck your tail below you.

315. And no, I'm not your soldier, I'm not taking any orders

316. Tell us all again what you think we should be. What the answers are, what it is we can't see.

317. Tell us all again how to do what you say. How to fall in line, how there's no other way.

318. But oh, we all know you're guilty all the same, too sick to be ashamed. You want to point your finger, but there's no one else to blame.

319. Show us all again, that our hands are unclean. That we're unprepared, that you have what we need.

320. Dirty money scheme, a clean split is nonsense.

321. There's no peace, only war. Victory decides who's wrong or right. It will not cease, only grow. You better be prepared to fight. And it will not apologize for laying down your life.

322. There's no pain, it will spare. Fear has become your only right, and once you're lost, in your despair, forever black eternal night.

323. This is war with no weapons, marching with no stepping. Murder with no killing, illing every direction.

324. In the wastelands of today, when there's nothing left to lose, and there's nothing more to take.

325. Where tomorrow disappears, while the future slips away, and your hope turns into fear.

326. A fire needs a space to burn, a breath to build a glow. I've heard it said a thousand times, but now I know that you don't know what you've got until it's gone.

327. I thought I kept you safe and sound. I thought I made you strong, but something made me realize that I was wrong. 'Cause finding what you've got sometimes means finding it alone, and I can finally see your light when I let go.

328. I've seen the blood, I've seen the broken, the lost and the sights unseen. I want a flood, I want an ocean to wash my confusion clean.

329. I can't resolve this empty story, I can't repair the damage done.

330. We are the fortunate ones, who've never faced oppression's gun. We are the fortunate ones, imitations of rebellion.

331. We lost before the start. Rebellion, rebellion. One by one, we fall apart.

332. There's a fragile game we play with the ghosts of yesterday. If we can't let go, we'll never say goodbye. No trace of what remains, no stones to mark the graves. Only memories we thought we could deny.

333. There was so much more to lose than the pain I put you through. In my carelessness, I left you in the dark, and the blood may wash away but the scars will never fade. At least I know, somehow, I made a mark.

334. Tearing me apart with the words you wouldn't say, and suddenly tomorrow's a moment washed away. 'Cause I don't have a reason and you don't have the time, but we both keep on waiting for something we won't find.

335. The light on the horizon was brighter yesterday. With shadows floating over, the scars began to fade. We said it was forever, but then it slipped away, standing at the end of the final masquerade.

336. All I ever wanted, the secrets that you keep. All you ever wanted, the truth I couldn't speak. 'Cause I can't see forgiveness and you can't see the crime, but we both keep on waiting, for what we left behind.

337. Today, I looked for a sign with flames in my hands. A line in the sand between yours and mine. And it came like fire from below, your greed led the call, my flag had to fall, but little did you know. Another day, your truth will come. You're gonna pay for what you've done. You'll get what's yours and face your crime.

338. I'd never been a coward, I'd never seen blood. You'd sold me an ocean, and I was lost in the flood.

339. We were counting on a leader, we were driven by need, but couldn't take temptation, and we were blinded by greed.

340. You were steady as a sniper, we were waiting on a wire. So we never saw it coming when you ran from the fire.

341. You can try intimidation and you can try to ignore. but when the time comes calling, yeah, you are gonna get yours.

◄ LIVING THINGS | LINKIN PARK MASTERLIST | ONE MORE LIGHT ►

[spaceace314]

Hi! (popping in with a question – I hope thats ok) Are you ever scared to exist where others can perceive you? For context, I want to start a tiktok account, but Im scared of people seeing me, which is a bit of a problem for the type of videos I want to make (cosplay :D). Also, I guess Im terrified of being judged and of the effects of cancel culture. Do you happen to have any advice for overcoming online stagefright... ? And the Fear of Being Known (TM) ? -Whiskers

Hi Whiskers! Great to hear from you again!

Yes, questions are okay, popping in is okay, and popping in to ask a question is okay. Honestly, at this point you could send me a message that said "ur a nerd -whiskers" and it'd be okay. I'm desperate for human contact, and at this point, I've developed a bit of a soft spot for you Whiskers. You're always welcome on my tiny little blog.

Being scared to exist where others can perceive me? Haha yes totally never experienced that *nervous laughter*

Yea, I totally know that fear. But, as shown by the fact I have a tumblr blog where I regularly tell the internet my deepest insecurities and most painful home truths with very little fear of judgement, I kinda got over it. And granted, tumblr is a bit less scary than tiktok, because at least on tumblr you can hide behind the shield of anonymity, but still. Anyhow, I've totally got advice for you.

Imma get straight to the point. The Fear of Being Known (TM) isn't actually about what other people think of you, it's about what you think of yourself. If you're scared of being judged by other people, it's because you're already judging yourself. Any critiques that you're scared of getting are things you already believe about yourself, and you're terrified that other people are going to reinforce your own insecurities.

So the obvious solution to this is to not have any insecurities. Which is great, except that it's basically impossible. But that's okay, because there's another solution. I warn you, this solution really reeeally sucks, because it requires you to acknowledge your insecurities instead of just pretending they don't exist, but it also works, and it'll make you happier in the long run. Also, this method is supported by exactly zero scientists or mental health professionals, take my advice at your own risk.

Spaceace314's super helpful guide to overcoming the Fear of Being Known (TM)

Step 1: Find a judgement that you're scared of getting. Like, some reaction or feedback or comment that you don't want to get from people.

Step 2: Figure out if it's something that you need to address and change. (Note: if it is an issue you are aware of and are currently working on, disregard this step)

Examples:

"You're ugly", no action required. Meaningless because it's arbitrary,  you're not doing anything wrong, and anyone who calls people ugly is petty, shallow, and not worth your time

"You're homophobic", action required. Figure out if it's true, from an objective point of view of "if this was my friend doing what I'm doing, what would I think of them". If necessary, work on becoming a better person, because of your "flaws" hurt other people and are something you can control, it's your responsibility to fix said flaws.

Step 3: When there's no further action you need to take for the judgement but it still makes you sad, work on acknowledging it and accepting it. You don't have to like it, but as long as you're aware of it, people pointing it out won't affect you as much, because they're giving you information you already have, which is more boring than hurtful.

Examples:

"You have a big nose and it's ugly". Accept that you have a big nose. You may not like your big nose, and that's okay, but you have to accept that it's there and that you're not gonna change it. Then if somebody points out your big nose, your internal monologue reaction should be roughly "I have a big nose which I do not like. I am aware that I have a big nose. This is not new information, so I don't really care about it. The fact I have have big nose is old news. Also, I agree that my nose is ugly to some people, including me. This is something I definitely do not like, but it is also not new information. I have already been made aware that my nose is ugly, and I have accepted that I cannot change it, so this is old news. Many thanks for bringing this to my attention, but there was no need as this is something I Already Know".

"You're weird". Accept that you are different from many people. There is nothing wrong with that. You may not like it, and that's okay, just let your weirdness be a thing that you accept is true and allow to exist. Then if somebody points out your weirdness, your internal monologue reaction should be roughly "I am different from many people and I am aware of this fact. I understand that it makes you uncomfortable, but that's not my problem. It also makes me uncomfortable, but I've accepted that, even if I don't like it. Me being weird is old news and something that I am already aware of, therefore I don't really care. But thanks for letting me know anyway, even though it was unnecessary and kinda boring".

Step 4: Find new judgement you're scared of and repeat the process until you can't think of any more judgements that really scare you.

Now, if people judge you for the things you're scared they'll judge you for, you'll be okay, because you're already aware of those things, and you're familiar with your insecurities. And if people throw judgements at you that you're unprepared for, or that are unexpected, then do steps 2 and 3. Or just feel free to ignore the judgement if it's untrue and/or you literally don't care about it. You might even learn new stuff about yourself, and you might even end up being less insecure overall.

Okay, so now you're prepared for any reaction you might get, it should seem a little bit less scary to put yourself out there. Still fairly terrifying, of course, but that's okay. Now you've just gotta be brave, take the plunge, and actually put yourself out there. Because once you really know yourself, you can start to let other people know you too, and it'll be a really positive experience. Being yourself where other people can see you is one of the scariest things you'll ever do, but it's amazing once you've done it, because you're finally feel free to just exist without having to hide who you are.

Also, if anyone tries to cancel you, see if they have a valid reason. If they do, fix the problem. If they don't, ignore them cos they ain't worth your time.

I hope my advice somehow helps you a little bit, and I really hope you get the confidence to do your Awesome Tiktok Cosplay, and if you become a famous tiktok star, make sure you don't forget me! Good luck and Godspeed!

And the rest of y'all reading this (who I haven't forgotten about), I love all of you, be confident in your amazing selves, and stay safe out there!

[angelwars11]

PART 1

*finally gets my siblings up and we all sit down on the bed* Alright y'all, time to watch this shit. Let's get itttt!!

*new ominous pre-intro comes in* "A LUCASFILM LIMITED production. "

Me: Oh, we starting like this. Wtf!! Okay, dude, I have goosebumps. Holy shit. *Calming facade is down. Is totally unaware and unprepared for what's coming*

*fanfare jumpscare*

Me: *startles* *grabs my heart*

Heart monitor: *beep beep beep, beeeeeeeeeeep~*

Me: OH MY GOD!!! *cough violently like Grevious* Holy shit. The fanfare, holy shit. I'mma—*notices red logo* *starts to hyperventilate*

*Another very different and new red title* "Part 1. Olds Friends Not Forgotten. "

Me: *gasps sharply* THAT IS SO COOL!!! I'mma cryyy *sniffles*

Yularen: *comes in clutch with the narrator recap*

Me: Yoooo!! What's up my dude?!

*see Grevious* Damn, I mean, General Grevious lookin good though. You see that animation! DAMN! Best design ever!

Yularen: "Republic forces are pushed to the brink. In response to this overwhelming attack. The Jedi Council had dispatched it's Generals far from the Core Worlds. "

CALEB DUME aka. KANAN JARRUS!! Ahhh!! Look at my son!

*sees Plo Koon in his Delta 7 inteceptor* "Ummm, no, stop it. Stop. That looks familiar. *shakes head violently* No. Be quiet.

*sees Aayla and Bly* *inhales sharply* *chokes on saliva* "Aayla Secura is where? OH SHIT. Is that Felucia?! NO, FUCK. "

(The clone troopers look so fucking amazing. Their armor is heavily detailed with the amount of scratches and dents covering them. It makes their armor look rough. OMG! This is literally 'nose bleed heaven' I am in right now!!)

Me: *dances* They onn a bridgeee, they on a—HOLY SHIT!! That's a big ass cannon," *watches the cannon blast fire upwards* Ohhhhh~ That's, uh, not good! Oh shit!! AH! Cody DODGE NOW!!!

*stares at the tv* Holy. Sh—

*light saber unleashed*

Me: OOhhh!! Who the fu—ACK! Obi-Wan coming out of the CUT alllll BEAUTIFUL!!!

LOOK at the lightsaber light pouring through the dust cloud surrounding him🤩 *blood pours out of my nose* His magnificent graying beard, so beautiful. I LOVE how there's a limp piece of hair bouncing on the side of his head, it's so satisfying. And the way he slowly looks over his shoulder at Cody like: "Must protect my husband!" OMG, I love them so much, CodyWan forever!!! Bless Dave Filoni for giving us that scene because, it was beautiful😍 God, the animation. 😍I'mma—😵😳

Cody: "General?!"

Me: MmmmmHmmmm. *wiggles eyebrows*

Obi-Wan: "Cody, get down!"

Me: Protect Cody!! Holy fu—Cody, stop staring at Obi-Wan and take cover, yes I know he's hot as fuck, my sister thinks so too, so do I—That's NOT the point. Just GET your ASS DOWN!! You can stare at him all you want later.

Obi-Wan: "Anakin, where are you?"

Anakin: *jump scares* "I'm right here. "

Me: ⬇⬇

Me: I SWEARRRR. You are so lucky I don't have a gun because I would've BLASTED you to the other side of this GODDAMN BRIDGE. The fuck is wrong with you, you lucky mother fucker.

Anakin: "What are you doing down there. "

Me: 🤣🤡 Shut the fuck up!

Anakin: *dodges a fucking blaster beam* I'm dea—🤣 ANAKIN. You cray cray!

*all shots miss Anakin while he stands right there in plain sight on top of MOTHER FUCKING debris*

Me: Hehhehehheeee—OH my GoD!! Anakin!! Get DOWN FROM THEREeEe. They gonna shoot you, bro!

Obi-Wan: "What are you up to? Where is Captain Rex?"

Me: Yeah, what are you up to? *suspicious*

*Nobody stays seated while Anakin walks straight at the enemy. Managing not to get fucking smacked*

Me: "Y'all DUMB ASS droids can't SHOOT!! Ohhhhhh myyyy goddddd!!" 🤣🤣

Anakin: "I have come to surrender. Your forces fought valiantly. I must admit we are overmatched by your superior fire power. " Me: "Tell me y'all ain't gonna fall for this. If you beli—"

Me: *inhales sharply*

Dumb and Dumber: "Surrender. That's a relief. Notify the tactical droid. "

Me: ⬇⬇

*sighs heavily* They believed him. 💀

*scope shows up* The fuck?! Oh, is that Rexy Boi™ *gasps* R2!!!

Rex telling his squad they have to wait a little longer to hang upside down on the bridge. They all *groan* "Sir, yes, sir. "

ME: 😆 They want to fly so fucking badly!!

OoooWe!! They've got JET PACKS!!! Oooo, we bougie MOTHER FUCKAASSSSS!!! *dances to the epic music*

*nobody stays seated while the Clone Troopers kick ass*

Obi-Wan: "Bravo Anakin, you've done it again. "

Me: 🥺🥺

Anakin: "Oh, I can't take all the credit. You staying back really sold my surrender talk. " *Obi-Wan smiles*

Obi-Wan: "Always glad to help my friend. " *they smile at each other*

Also me: *cries internally* 😭😍

Anakin: "Skywalker here, what is it Admiral?" Me: *gasps* Admiral: "Sir. We received a transmission from someone using a subspace frequency. Fulcrum. "

Me: *stops breathing* FULCRUM. 💀 Ah—Ah—AhCHOO! *wheezes* Oooh, bless me.

*the transmitter room scene from the trailer* Me: *screeches* Anakin: "Alright, Admiral. What's so important you brought us all the... Way... Back...here." *sees Ahsoka*

(*PAUSE* I noticed that Rex is not here in this SCENE!! Woahhh~ Just wanted to point that out! Okay, sorry, *unpause*)

Ahsoka: *turns around* "Hello Master. It's been a while. " Me: 😍😍😍😍😍

Anakin: "Ah—Ahsoka. Wha— *scoffs*I don't believe it, " *voice goes two octaves higher* "How are you? Where are you?" *voice softens to be protective* "Are you okay?"

My heart: ⬇⬇

(SKIP)

*Mandalorian ship comes in* Me: *tears coming down my face*

Aaaahhhh!!! R2 D2 rolled up to Ahsoka to say hi!! OMG, cutie pie!!😍🥺 My heartttttt😭

Anakin tries to say Hi to Ahsoka but she's just like, "Can't do that right now. " Me: *snaps my own neck* Damn. Heyo!! He's literally hanging by a THREAD, a measly THREAD over the fucking pool called the DARK SIDE. And you treating him like that, focusing on the war and not a hug, mannn, Anakin is about to take a 'dippity dip' in this goddamn pool. Smh.

Bo-Katan: "He murdered their ruler. My sister. I thought she meant something to you. "

Me: *visibly sees Obi-Wan look sad* Satineeeee😭😭😭 No, Obi-Wan, it's okay!!

(SKIP)

*when the troopers pass by and salute to Ahsoka* Me: UwU

REX'S SMILE 👑 when she walks in😍 "Glad to have you back, Commander. " *smiles again* 👑 "Rex. Thank you. But you don't have to call me Commander anymore. " "Sure thing, Commander." *smiles AGAIN* 👑

Me: 😭😭 Rex, I SWEAR TO GOD, if you don't stop SMITING me with those SMILES BRO. Just chill. Please. Do it again and I'—

*alarm goes off* God fucking dammit. *sees the troopers scrambling in the background* HAHAHHAHHA😆😆🤣

*stops laughing* Who's in trouble? The Chancellor. Hahahaha, who's that? Ohhh, you mean Buttcheeksakin. Yeahhh~🤣 Nobody cares!!

Ahsoka: "I understand, that it's your usual playing politics. This is why the people have lost faith in the Jedi. I had too. Until I was reminded of what the order means to people who truly need us. "

Obi-Wan: "Right now people on Coruscant need us. "

Ahsoka: "No, the Chancellor needs you. "

Me: *nose bleed* "Damnnnn, say it again for the people in the back!!! Ughh, feisty Ahsoka is sexy. " 😍

REX GETTING WHAAA, PROMOTED?! I knew this day was coming for sooo long *sniffles* I'm so proud.

*music heightens it's pitch* HER LIGHTSABERS😭😭😭

Ahsokaaaa got her lightsabers BACK!! Looking snazzyyyy, looking beautiful, you look hot honey! And a BONUS, they are BLUE!! Hot DAMN!! 💙💙

Ahsoka: "Anakin... " *Anakin turns around* "Good luck. " *Anakin smiles with pride*

Me: *ugly sobs*

*Nobody stays seated while, 'Love pledge' plays in the background*

Me: *cries harder* WHYYYY😭😭😭

'Commander' REX. Whereeee areee youuu?! Ah, there you darling. Beautiful bby boyyyy, you deserve it!!! 😍😍😍

*spots someone behind Rex* Who Issss...?? Oh, JESSE!! Heyyy~ *waves* ( ͡ ͜ʖ ͡ )

Rex: "Sorry, I didn't think to bring you a jetpack?" Ahsoka: "Don't need one. " *Nobody will ever fucking stay seated while Rex gives the mother of all amused smirks* 👑

(THIS beautiful smirk⬆ I know I WILL be watching 60 more times after I finish this goddamn episode 🥵)

PART 2 of my reaction coming soon!! (Nah, I'm serious, it'll be here. Just hold your horses!)

Link to part 2!! ⬇

[motleymoose]

Homecoming Pt. 3: Bits & Pieces Ch. 1

Chapter 1 Ashes in a Vacuum

Fandom: The Mandalorian, Star Wars Characters: The Mandalorain (Din Djarin), Gender Neutral Reader, The Child Words: 2.5k+ Warnings: Injury, Angst, A whole lotta attitude

Summary:

I AM ALL SORTS OF ANGRY AT THAT FRAGGING BUCKETHEAD!!! He's leaving me with more questions than I have the ability to ask, and I don't like it one bit.

But dang, that little greenie is cute!

Notes:

Heya! Thank y'all for reading!!! I'm not sure how many chapters this part is gonna have, so??? We're coming up on the halfway point of the story. Maybe my editing skills will improve by then (ha).

(See the end of the work for more notes.)

Homecoming Masterlist

The way everything hurt, I was sure I was dying.

Squinting at the dim, fuzzy gray light of my bunk, I ran an internal diagnostics check. With every little wiggle and flex of an appendage, I gradually realized that I was not, in fact, dying, but I wasn’t in prime fighting shape either. Slowly, gingerly, I scrubbed sleep from my burning eyes with the heels of my palms, my vision spotty and fuzzy in places. It felt good to let them linger, pressing heavily into the closed eyelids and relieving the pressure built up behind my eyeballs. As killer headaches went, the one I was experiencing in that moment wasn’t the worst I’d ever had, but that didn’t mean it didn’t hurt like doshing kung.

Now that I was sorta awake, I took physical stock of my body. My eyes still wouldn’t clear, the large flecks of gray shadow swimming lazily in my periphery, so I used touch to see what was going on. Letting my hands do the work, I started with my head, running my fingers lightly down my neck to my shoulders and chest. Something felt off about the shape of my body as I continued to scan downwards to my hips. Foggy memories swirled inside my head, screaming and pain and choking smoke. A jumbled mess of noise and smells overpowered everything else, and the bits and pieces of the fight and flight from Bosph scattered nervously into the darker recesses of my brain.

Frustrated, I sat up, ignoring the sharp tug at the pit of my elbow and the violent, painful thumping rattling my brain. “Fragging buckethead,” I hissed through clenched teeth. He had got me in this mess. Sure, it was my fault for getting a bounty put on me, but if only he’d listened to me in the first place, we coulda avoided Bosph entirely. The anger, bitter and sparkling and pulsing red, numbed the headache and the bruises slightly. And as the ire rose, so too did the functionality of my brain.

I could focus now on what my hands had been trying to tell me: all of my possessions, from my boots to my jumpsuit and everything in between or tucked into pockets, was gone. A worn coarseweave tunic hung from my curved shoulders, the sleeves neatly rolled up around my biceps, and a newer looking pair of long johns, the baggy legs bunched around my knees, had replaced my utilitarian and well-loved apparel.

Oh Mother of Kwath! Had the Mandalorian undressed me?! I mean, I was an adult. He was an adult. And apparently I had been injured enough to warrant such an invasion of privacy. Still, I couldn’t fight the blush burning brightly across my chest and face.

So doshing uncomfortable.

Nope, nope, nope. Didn’t want to think about it anymore.

Pushing down all of the humiliation and trauma and apprehension until the feelings were little more than an annoying itch under my skin, I allowed the rage to take over a little more. It was easier to be angry than to feel anything else, the outrage a warming presence in my chilly body. It also gave me the little boost of courage for what I had to do next.

Screwing my eyes shut, incredibly unprepared for the worst possible outcome, I touched the place under my collarbone where my silver skull pendant rested, a solid, reassuring weight...

Nothing.

Instead of skin-warmed metal, I was met with warm, padded resistance. Peering into the neck of the tunic, I found a thick, dull-colored wrap encasing my midsection from under my armpits to my hip bones. It smelled of the sea on a warm summer’s day, and I wrinkled my nose automatically. Bacta. Whatever injury I had sustained must’ve been bad enough to call for the precious, oftentimes expensive goo. The wrap wasn’t so tight as to constrict breathing or some movements, but it wasn’t exactly comfortable either.

The physical uncomfortableness brought me back to the question of why the bounty hunter was keeping me alive, but just like all the other feelings, I ignored it. I needed to find my clothes, my necklace. Get dressed. Leave this beautiful ship and her tyrant pilot behind and become a krill farmer out on the Outer Rim.

Well, probably not a farmer. A droid mech, perhaps.

The soft skin on the inside of my elbow twinged again, pulling me out of my daydreams as I reached for the blanket covering the lower half of my body. A thin, clear tube snaked from a needle inserted into a vein to a nearly-empty pouch hanging from a hook in the bunk wall. Fumbling, my fingernails worked their way underneath the sticky medical tape, peeling up an edge wide enough to pinch. I ripped the tape from my arm, gritting as it pulled hair and skin with it. Once the tape was gone, I slid the needle out of my arm with a hiss, tossing it aside to leak between the cot and the bunk wall. Whatever cocktail of drugs the bounty hunter had mixed into the IV, he’d probably added a good dose of sedative to keep me down for the count. That would’ve explained the fogginess.

And it made me so mad.

I let the full-blown, all-consuming fury in, jerking the coarseweave blanket off of me and freeing my legs. Exhaling forcefully, I tested my injured knee, poking at the matching bacta bandage. The original searing-white agony I had experienced on Bosph was muted now, less of a screaming torment and more of a dull throbbing. Healed enough to put weight on. Hopefully

Groaning and cursing at stiff muscles and bucketheaded hunters respectively, I wriggled on the bed until my bare feet skimmed the floor. The cold steel of the hull platform sent shivers through my flesh, feeding the annoyance and anger and frustration. I inhaled, steadying myself for the shooting pain sure to follow standing on both legs. Pleasantly astonished as I was that it didn’t hurt too horribly, I wasn’t prepared for the lightheadedness. The blood rushed from my face, my vision blackening around the edges.

“Oh frag,” I managed to croak before slumping to the floor in an unconscious heap. --------------- I awoke, some time later, inside my bunk. The coarseweave blanket was tucked firmly beneath my chin, the IV reinserted into my arm, and my red-hot rage completely dissipated. An imposing, blurry figure stood at the foot of the bunk, and I took my time adjusting myself from lying flat to reclining, eyes tightly shut to avoid the spinning shadows. Once I was comfortable, I cracked an eyelid. The Mandalorian’s blurred steely stare greeted me, a clear bag of liquid over one arm and a sling supporting the other.

“You’re awake,” he stated matter of factly.

“D-Didn’t want to give you the satisfaction of travelling in silence,” I replied dryly, voice husky with disuse. “By the way, where’s my jumpsuit?” I opened my eyes all the way, blinking rapidly to dispel the fog coating them. It didn’t work.

The bounty hunter harrumphed softly. “Incinerated. You had a fractured knee, two broken ribs and a blaster wound to the stomach. Plus severe retinal damage and dehydration. You’re lucky you even made it off-planet.” He angled his visor away from me to tap out something on his vembrace.

“Wait, what?”

He tilted his visor towards me and put it simply. “You almost died.”

I feebly waved the non-IVed hand in front of my face. “No, not that. Did you say you incinerated all of my stuff?!”

Ignoring me, per his style, he continued to tap on his vembrace’s control panel.

Devastated, depressed and not a little bit murderous, I glowered squintily at him. I was reeling inwardly, but on the outside I was colder than carbonite.

As he ignored me, I studied him as closely as my recovering vision would allow. I could tell there was something different in his appearance, but it took a moment for me to recognize what it was . A softer quality to his edges that I couldn’t quite understand, his body looking less defined, less bulky than normal. I blinked several times to refocus, and was rewarded with infinitesimally better vision.

“Where’s your armor, shabuir?” I sniped. I may have been more than a little miffed that all of my worldly possessions were now ash and lumps of twisted metal, and biting at a Mandalorian was a temporarily soothing balm to my aching heart.

The hunter reached over me and unhooked the empty bacta IV bag from a rod above my head, replacing it with the one he’d brought. Adjusting the solution valve, he tapped the drip chamber twice before turning his attention back to me. “There’s a spare jumpsuit in the ‘fresher. Keep the bacta wrap on for another hour, at least.” As an afterthought, he added, “We’ll be on Nevarro in a few days.” A frown tainted his voice. “Stay out of my way ‘til then.” Spinning on his heel, he marched to the ladder and disappeared onto the upper deck.

………

It took about twelve hours for me to feel well enough to rid myself of the IV and bacta wraps and get out of the bunk without having the ship buck underneath me like a wild bluurg. I took that time to cry myself to sleep, wake up and cry some more. The loss of my tools and kit was a huge blow to my self-worth, but the loss of the pendant, well. It was the only piece I had left of a life full of fear and hunger and love; it connected me to home. If I didn’t have that, where did I belong?

It took another three hours for me to get up the nerve to get cleaned and dressed. I prowled around the cargo hold, poking and prodding at the carbonite storage, the control panels and the refresher. There hadn’t been much of a chance on my earlier voyages to explore, so with the Mandalorian occupied guiding the ship through hyperspace, I felt emboldened to figure out more about him. Not that there was much to glean from my investigation; the hold contained only the basics of survival for deep space travel, and weapons. Lots of weapons.

Oh, and several beings in what looked to be forced-stasis, frozen in carbonite.

Shivering in sympathy for my hold companions, I turned and shuffled back to the bunk. What I really had hoped to find was the incinerator - most ships kept them below near the back for easy dispatch of trash - but I hadn’t found hide nor hair of one below deck. It could’ve been located above. Not exactly the safest or most pleasant location, yet with all the fire power and carbonite in the hold, it kinda made sense. No need to put three dangerous elements all in one place, if you had the room.

A little voice at the back of my head reminded me of something else: that fragging Mando had all but ordered me to stay put. If he thought for one second that I was going to listen to him, he had another thing coming. I held no ill-will against Mandalorians in general, but this one was getting on my bad side. First arresting me and then almost getting me killed and then destroying the only thing I had left of home reminded me that I only had myself to rely on, that everyone else was out to either disappoint me or kill me.

I’d be doshed if I was going to let that buckethead dictate what I could and couldn’t do, especially since he was the one who took me off that Maker-forsaken moon in the first place.

Especially since he handed me over to Mihcas without an apology.

And took my pendant and tools to boot.

Ascending the ladder turned out to be a formidable feat in my weakened condition, but I prevailed. It took more effort than it should have, and I collapsed onto the cool steel platform once I made it all the way up.

“What are you doing?” The modulated baritone came from my right. Swiveling my head, I watched as the bounty hunter stomped out of the captain’s quarters, a bundle of clothes clutched to his chest and fingers unsurprisingly reaching for his blaster. Whatever was in the bundle must have been precious, for he shifted it away from me to his injured arm. It obviously still hurt; he held the bundle in the crook of his elbow, awkwardly bent and trembling with effort.

Good.

Rage flared in my chest, licking its way up like flames and leaving a red mask pounding behind my eyes. Pushing the anger away, I clambered up to my feet. I was going to get answers, and I’d be fragged if I was going to show emotion in front of him.

“Where’s the incinerator?” I spat savagely. So much for not showing any emotion.

Obviously taken aback by my vehemence and bluntness, he cocked his helmet and pulled his hand from his blaster, resting it casually on his belt buckle. “Why?”

Simple enough question, simple enough answer. But I didn’t feel like answering him. Opening my mouth to respond, a cooing sound interrupted me. It sounded like it was coming from the bundle still shielded in his injured arm.

Snapping my jaw shut with a painfully audible click, I raised my eyebrows pointedly at him. “Trafficking something illegal there, chakaar?” Anxiety clenched my stomach in its viselike grip, and I had to force the bile from rising in my throat. I was still weak from Bosph, but if he was buying and selling living beings to make a living, he was no better than my ex-boss. No better than me. Which meant I was going to have to hurt him or die trying.

A sharp hiss of an inhale through the vocoder told me I’d hit on something. Something he didn’t want me knowing. A whispery stream of very impolite Mando’a floated in the space between us. The air was thick with tension, and both of us were patiently waiting for the other to make the next move.

The coo came again, slightly muffled, followed by a bubbly giggle, startling us out of our stare-down. The bundle wriggled, and the Mandalorian shifted his attention from me to it as the thing became too much to handle with one injured arm. Grunting either out of pain or frustration, the bounty hunter stepped backwards until he was in the doorway of the bunk. Squeaking and chittering indignantly, the lump in the clothes broke free with a victorious huff.

And it was the cutest fragging thing I’d ever laid my eyes on.

_____________________

Notes:

chakaar - corpse robber, thief, petty criminal - general term of abuse shabuir - extreme insult - *jerk*, but much stronger