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strawberry-lemonade-kisses · 2 years ago

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Story Time

Part of the Lost Love Series

Warnings: Violence, Mentions of death and murder, blood, gore, bodily injury, bodily harm, reader has PTSD.

Tengen had been quiet, too quiet. Especially for someone who hadn’t shut up since he came home from the butterfly estate, talking animatedly about retirement and things he wanted you all to do, Family bonding. You and Makio were seated on the engawa together, knees bumping as she swayed to the tune you hummed. Your fingers dug into the small frame in your hand, holding it steady as you weaved your needle in and out, a constant rhythm. Your other two wives were further out in the gardens, sparing ‘to stay in shape’ they said after Makio had given the two of them a look. You didn’t say anything, just continued with your work as they disappeared into the large gardens. “This is nice, now I know why Tengen calls you songbird” you looked up. “What do you mean?” she laughed at your confused expression, laying her hand on your knee. “You're always humming or singing. Did he talk to you about his breathing technique yet?” you were lost, where did that come from? “No, why?” “I’d ask him about it, it's a good story” she smiled, going back to staring into the gardens. “Right, okay. Where is he?” “He should be in the bedroom, he needs plenty of rest to finish healing, he's almost there, his arm is almost healed” she smiled as she leaned back resting her weight on her palms as she took in the sun, similar to the lizards you see running around on the rocks. She cracked an eye open as you stood, disappearing into the house.

Tengen was indeed in bed, body sprawled out along the sheets as he flipped through one of your books. “What are you reading?” He looked up, gesturing towards the space next to him. “Um, not sure, but it's good. The one you were reading last night, about the girl with the bowl hat and the cursed step mom” you nodded, a newer one that you had found, it was good. “I didn’t know you knew how to read Tengen, good job!” “Shut up brat. You know I can read. I just choose not to” you hummed in agreement, making him roll his eyes. “Except now, you're reading this.” “I have no choice” he looked at you before leaning in. “Makio yelled at me for trying to leave” “Ah, that's why I can hear myself think, huh?” he turned back to the book with a huff. “How’s it going with them? Are you feeling better? More part of the family?” you nodded, leaning forward and pulling the book from him, knowing you were on his left side and he couldn’t pull it out of your hands. “Can I ask you something?” “Shoot” “Your breathing technique, Makio said there's a story behind it.” he let out a laugh. “Of course, they would tell you, those jerks. No kisses for the rest of the week” he pouted, sitting up fully so he hovered over you. “Except you, my love, you always get them” he leaned down quickly for a kiss before sitting straight again. He was always so quick with them that it made you dizzy. He was there one second, gone the next. “Sound breathing, it’s my own technique. In the corps we fight using breathing techniques which is almost a way of enhancing ourselves, I won’t bore you with details but there are different forms. I was originally trained under thunder breathing, it's loud and it's fast.” “Like you” he let out an airy chuckle. “Right, like me. But you know me, I can never do it by the books, so I changed it. Do you remember when we used to fight? You would always sing when you fought, you had a rhythm to how you worked, and you followed that. Almost like you're moving on sheet music, you're following a set path. So I did that, I listened to the movements, to the way the wind moved through them as they turned and I moved following that. Because of that I adapted, and I learned more control with my blades, I developed that into another breathing form which I called sound breathing.” “Huh, so you took my fighting style and put your name on it?” His eyes narrowed at the smug smile on your face. “Keep talking like that and your head won't be able to fit through the door on your way out” He adjusted his seating position, leaning his weight on the headboard of your bed. “But to answer the question, yes and no. It's not the same as your fighting, I couldn't copy that. But it’s inspired by it” You sat back, taken back by the honesty in his gaze as he watched and waited for a retort. “ You used to fight with such spirit, such intensity. Watching you was like watching a concert performance, the rise, the climax, and the fall. We worked well together, I think. There was a reason Tatsuhiro wanted you for himself.” The mention of the eldest Uzui had you stiffening, flashes of your final fight with the clan, the blood, the anger directed at you from him. Tatsuhiro was someone you saw in the nightmares that still haunted you, even after 3 years since you last saw him. Tengen noticed the immediate change in your disposition, the stiffening of your shoulders, the drop of your gaze, even the slight tremble in your jaw. “Y/N?”

“Y/N, what did you do?!” Tatsuhiros' rage flooded your house, shaking the walls with the baritone of his voice. “Get out here and face me you stupid whore! What did you do?!” You sat against your door, holding it shut with your weight as you listened to the sounds of your home getting ripped apart, looking for you. “If you don’t tell me your family dies. Do you hear me! I know you’re here bitch so come out!” You heard the stomps before you felt the jiggling of the handle on your shoulder. “Open up Y/N” his voice came out almost like a growl, taunting almost, you knew he would have it open, he was just giving you the chance to move. “Be a good wife will you? Listen to me for once in your miserable little life. I’m giving you 5 seconds, I don’t mind killing you, it will be sweet revenge, I just have some questions first” he was chuckling, the door handle relaxing as he let go. “1” you looked up “2” you scooted to the side of the door “3” you grabbed the blade sitting in your bag, still caked in the blood of the clan leader. “4,5” As the door opened you swung, using the blade as an extension of your arm you pushed. The ripping of flesh was something you’d never get used to, not after years of being a kunoichi, you were sure you’d never get used to it. Tatsuhiro gurgled over you, his frame falling forward as he attempted to spit out his last words. You twisted the knife, feeling it rip further into his abdomen, creating an even bigger mess on your hand. “I’m sorry. I wish things could have been better for all of us” you spoke, releasing the hold you had on the much larger man, letting him fall into the pool of his own blood.

“Y/N? Songbird, come back to me” you blinked “lost you there for a second” “Can we talk about something else?” recognition flashed in Tengen's eyes, a noise of understanding slipping before he spoke “Well either way, yes Sound breathing is because of you. How could I forget about you? We wouldn’t be here if it weren’t for you. I know they looked for me, but they forget that I’m the best, they could never catch up” he chuckled as he reached for your hand, gripping your shaking fingers in his own, thumb already rubbing circles over your knuckles. “There’s a lot I didn't because of you. To hold onto you. IT scared me when you didn’t come with me, I didn’t know what would happen, where you would end up, if you would meet the same fate as everyone else or if you would persevere.” “Do you not believe in my strength?” you joked, trying to lighten the suddenly serious tone he had. “Of course I do. But I had watched Tatsuhiro kill and manipulate all of my other siblings to get him on top. I knew that no matter what, you could easily end up like them. It was him I didn’t trust. I should have stayed, taken care of you myself” “Tengen” he sighed, head dropping till it bumped your own, eyebrows meeting his furrowed ones. “I know. I’m just still pinching myself every time I wake up and your here” you smiled, patting his bandaged arm as you sat back. “Sounds cheesy, I’m right here love. Sorry, but your stuck with me now” you shrugged, leaning back in to kiss the pout of his lips before removing yourself from the bed. “I’ll leave you to your reading before Makio comes in and scolds me too” Tengen chuckled as you left the room.

#TLL #LLT #tengen #uzui tengen #tengen uzui #kny tengen #tengen x reader #tengen x y/n #lord tengen #tengen x you #uzui #uzui x reader #uzui x you #tengen x yn #you x tengen #tengen kny #KNY #sound hashira #kny sound hashira

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verse50 · 3 years ago

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Heat

It was the first weekend over 80F and we took full advantage of it on our six acres. Friday night we let the kids loose on the rock pile, loading up the trailer for the dump, then packed them off early Saturday for soccer camp. All morning he bush-hogged the treeline while I wrestled the sunken raised beds into shape. This house had been so neglected when we bought it two years ago. Finally we had the time and money to make it nice again.

I was pulling weeds when he tromped out in chaps and ear protection. Chainsaw hanging from his belt. That and the sweaty dirt on his face made me look a bit longer.

“I’m gonna saw up that alder and then get to the stairs,” he half shouted. Bush hogging will do that to you. He grinned and took out his ear plugs. “The beds are coming along, maybe-” I was on my knees and gazed up at him quizzically.

“You’re not wearing a bra,” he said, at the perfect angle to peer down my shirt.

“Nope!” I agreed, and swung myself back and forth. It looked and felt like two water balloons bumping in a pillowcase. Then stuck out my tongue.

His mouth set. “I gotta get the stairs done today.” Then he was gone into the brush, chainsaw revving. I bent down again to the weeds, trying to drown my frustration with deep breaths.

He was so hard to read. I was a free spirit, a spitfire, and he was a calm, methodical engineer with a heart of gold. There was no better man on the planet, I was convinced, but gosh sex was tough with him! It took him so long to adjust to change. A toe ring. The tiniest gold nose ring. A tattoo on my ankle. Introducing him to my vibrator. I had to pace everything at six month intervals or it was too much.

But once he got used to it...holy fucking shit. He basically dissected that vibrator and and studied the user manual. Found similar ones, tested them on me like I was a guinea pig. Even took me to a toy store in Dallas then fucked the daylights out of me until 3am. And then...it all petered out like a spent firework. I would try to keep the energy going, keep him interested, but I could never tell what worked. He was pretty shy about sex, almost embarrassed. He wasn’t comfortable with dirty talk. We couldn’t really sext because his job required cellphones be lockered except at lunch. We could go months on once a week then he would surprise me with a two day fuckfest, like a volcano erupting. I lived for those times but could never figure out how to make them happen more often. All it did was make me ramp up with excitement, feel more free, then try to cram myself in a box again. He was such a good man, though. I just needed to be more patient, less wild. I ripped up the weeds angrily.

The sun was high when he came in for lunch. I had sandwiches, chips, and his favorite tea ready. There was even more dirt on his face and I sat there awkwardly, trying to equate my silent chip-crunching husband with the dirty woodsman I wanted to pounce on.

“I think I’ll build out the landing a bit from the stairs, maybe put in a new handrail,” he said. I sipped my tea and nodded. “The driveway could use some gravel.”

“The trailer has all the rocks in it still,” I pointed out.

“Mmm. I’ll go to the dump first, then hit Home Depot and Brother’s Fieldstone.” He looked at me as if I had just appeared at the table. “You’re wearing a bra now.”

“Uh-huh.” I cut off a smart-ass retort and became very busy fishing pickles from their jar. “I’m gonna work on the petunia baskets.”

After the peck on my cheek he would be gone for at least two hours. I ripped off my bra, blasted Slayer on my bluetooth speaker, and delved into the hanging baskets. By the time I had repotted everything and cleaned up the cobwebby lounge chairs I was a filthy mess. Shower time.

You couldn’t see our house from the road. I went out on the deck in just a towel, then threw it off and lay naked on a chair, basking like a lizard. Big fluffy clouds blocked the sun momentarily, then shooed away when I spread my legs wide. Everything needed to dry. My hair would need a serious flatiron session. Idly I thought of him coming out of the forest...rushing home...making a beeline for me...a naked woman tanning herself alone...so easy to take advantage...helpless...but there was a shotgun behind the door...

Damn it, I thought. Can’t even have a fantasy and it gets all practical. He’s wearing off on me. I looked at my phone. About 30 minutes of naked freedom left- I should water the baskets again. I picked up the hose and my phone rang.

“Hey baby,” I said, working up the cheerful wife tone. He really was wonderful. I just needed to...not need so much.

“Baby, guess how much the lumber cost for the deck, right now?”

I thought for a minute. It has been awhile since we did a major project. “Um, I think we did the brown house for under $600?”

“Yeah, well, I priced it all out. It’s gonna be over $2000! We can’t swing that now. It’s insane, the prices. Never seen anything like it. And Brother’s is out of pea gravel!” He was worked up. This man stuck to budgets religiously.

“O my God! No, you’re right. We can’t do that now. The deck will be fine for awhile, definitely. It’s sturdy at least.” The sun was so hot on my back. I stared at my shadow, waving the limp hose to and fro.

“So I emptied the trailer and uh, checked everything out. Since we can’t do anything more on that today I, um....” he coughed. I waited, cautiously easing on the water. “I went to that new little toy store in the strip mall.”

Water spurted out onto my shadow. “I see. What kind of toys?”

“The only kind!” His voice rose. The hose engorged and gurgled. “I found one like your pink one, you know that does the swirly thing, too? But this seems to be a softer material, a better grade of silicone, I think this company merged with a big distributor and, uh...”

My mouth twisted. It was just like him to get carried away on technical aspects. “That’s so sweet, baby. What are you wanting to do with that?”

“I want to use it on you.” He was almost whispering, as if there were seven other people in his F-250. “Like Dallas.” It was such a distant memory. I couldn’t work myself all up again, it was too exhausting. But he went to the store, my dear husband...he wants something.

“You can do whatever you want to me, baby,” I said sincerely. “Just come home and we can hang out the rest of the day.”

“I don’t want to hang out. I want- I want you to not wear a bra again. I don’t want you to feel, uh, like you have to put it back on? Around me?”

I aimed the water where my shadow’s pussy would be. Cool drops sprayed up onto my flushed skin.

“I’m not wearing a bra right now.”

“What?”

“I’m naked out on the deck. Been tanning after I took a shower.”

Silence. He was gunning the truck, I could hear the roar.

“I hope you’re bringing some wood home for me.” VVVBBBBRBbbbbRRRRrr.

“Baby, if you can just let me plan stuff. It’s easier for me. I’m sorry I’m slow and I disappoint you. I wanted to tear your shirt off there but I’m just never sure...I don’t want to do anything you don’t like, I don’t want to hurt you- really- just let me plan sometimes and maybe try to go along? I promise I’ll do better, you are so sexy-” sfhkhfffffppp. His phone cut out. I stood there, dumb, watching the water drip my shadow off the edge of the deck. He had never talked to me so much at one time. “-if I can plan and know in advance that you like it we can do more, you drive me crazy you know that, right?”

I took a deep breath. My legs were shaking into the damp, hot wood. “How do you want me to be, when you get home?”

Pause. More gunning. “On the deck chair, doggy. Ass in the air. Wait- I need to shower first.”

“No, you don’t. You’re sexy with the dirt on you. I love it.”

“You do?”

“Yes, I love my sexy, dirty husband.”

“Ok.” He was firm. The blinker was on, he was at the intersection ten minutes away. “Ass up, doggy. Hands by your side. Face turned away from the stairs. I don’t want you to see me. I have-have- a special delivery.”

I turned off the water. The whole deck was soaked. Not one basket had gotten a drop. “Ass up ready to receive. I’ll be waiting for you, baby.” I was so excited my words came out slowly, bouncing through a lump in my throat. The sun was cold and hot at the same time.

“If you respond well there will be future appointments.” His voice was full of confidence before the phone shut off.

I almost tripped on my way over to the lounge chair. Fortunately my towel was there in case things got really wet.

Thank you to @daily-esprit-descalier for sharing the photo that inspired this story.

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#verse50original #relationships #nature #writersontumblr #married

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wrathofrats · 2 years ago

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For those who have an individualist complex when it comes to music (me too) I’ve got you.

Here’s some bands with under 500,000 Spotify listeners and some songs with under 1 mil plays

Link to my playlist for the songs!

https://open.spotify.com/playlist/7xYWUcpNkjtGVy673GtSQy?si=xxkXUkGFRL28wRQzZ8Gq1Q

Bands:

• Benches

Genre: Indie Garage Rock

Similar artists: Carpool Tunnel, Glow!, Makeout Reef

My favorite songs: Monodrama, Angry Lizard Noise, La Friends

• The Hubbards

Genre: English Indie Rock, Hull Indie

Similar artists: Alright Alright, Only Sun, Dancing On Tables

My fav songs: Seven or Eleven, Your Love, Cold Cuts

• Valiant Vermin

Genre: indie pop

Similar Artists: Camino 84, HOLYCHILD, Michael Medrano

My fav songs: Sunday Best, Warm Coke

• The Beaches

Genre: Canadian Indie

Similar Artists: Modern Space, The Glorious Sons, USS

My fav songs, Desdemona, Keeper

• Deal Casino

Genre: asbury park indie, dance rock

Similar artists: Mickey James, King Shelter, Friday Pilots Club

My fav songs: Best Year, Happy People

——Songs with under 1 mil listens:——

•Seven Or Eleven - The Hubbards

- a song about over consumption and dying to be on trend with everyone else. A current fav of mine

- fav line : “ And nothing says success like an excessive waste

I’m sure I’ll find another suit to suit my taste”

•Pantherland - Ghost Soul Trio

- I actually can’t stress how fun I find this song to be, it’s got a funky bass, a whiny male part, and falsetto. What more can you ask for. If you ask my opinion this song is about cheating, and feeling bad but also being annoyed by your SO. It’s about a bad relationship but bass line go hard so

- fav line: “How to say when with my vision getting dim

And my patience wearing thin with this

I lock myself in, you'll be asking where I've been

I'll make something up again like I always do”

• ( this song doesn’t have under 1 mil listens anymore but it’s under 2 mil and it’s my favorite song of all time) Monodrama - benches

- this song makes me want to run into traffic, for fun. I want the flowyest dress you’ve ever seen and I want to run along side traffic and in traffic just to test my luck. Am I making any sense at all let me know. This song makes me feel like a god and also the most dramatic person ever. It brings me up and then tears me down again. It tells me I can’t be defeated and then defeats me. Have I told you I love this song yet.

- my fav line although there’s multiple and it’s not like the lyrics it’s just the absolute desperate yelling of “I’m dramatic so dramatic” over and over again. It makes me want to scream with him.

• scare me - Ludo

- scare me by ludo is camp. It’s a Halloween song that takes absolutely nothing seriously. There’s an actual chase scene in the middle of it. It’s so cinematic and fun and it makes me want to be a child trick or treating again

- fav line “See the ouija moon beamin' through blackened canopies

Screamin' bats in between 'em

Demon season, twitchin' mischievous

It's gettin' witchy”

• Sunday Best - Valiant Vermin ft Ricky Montgomery

- Sunday best is a very happy song until you look at the lyrics. It’s like a sunny day where you put on a fun little outfit to go mess around with your friends in a park. But then the lyrics are about biblical horrors and saving those who need help. (It’s not a religious song but you get what I mean) the lyrics here are just so interesting to me and I’m a sucker for a happy song that’s actually depressing

- fav lyrics “Silence is where are the creatures go

Creatures the things we will never know

Drowning in the bath of eternal sin

Draping the flesh over my pure eyes

Top of my head and down to my thighs

Grazing the surface of my own skin”

—

That’s all for now my friends, let me know if you like any of these artists or songs!!

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themadlostgirl · 4 years ago

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Keeping Warm

*It is soft Felix simping hours*

Prompt: Reader gets cold easily and steals Felix’s cloak to keep warm not knowing it was his. Felix has some feelings about this.

Requested by: anon

Warnings: language

~~~

I am not good with cold. I’m just not. It’s been that way ever since I was little. When I am cold I shut down and for some reason I always seem to be cold. I don’t know what caused it but I needed to be in the heat at all times. I figured that when I flew to Neverland I wouldn’t have to worry about the cold anymore. It is a tropical jungle after all.

The days are long and the sun is sweltering. I bask in the heat and humidity with a reverence reserved for deities. I was warm and I was happy. The Lost Boys often joked that I was just like a lizard basking on a hot rock. Almost no one actually called me by name anymore after they made that connection. I was always lizard or viper. I learned to live with it.

With that said it looked as if Neverland was my dream come true and it was...until night came. The second the sun was no longer in the sky the island got cold. I expected it to drop a few degrees during the night but the difference was so stark that I spent most nights shivering in my tent with my thin cloak huddled tight around me.

One night I had been so cold that I huddled myself near the bonfire and fell asleep there. It was at that moment I decided to suck up my pride and ask the boys for some help.

“Hey guys,” I approached a group of boys I was sorta close to, “Are there any blankets around?”

“What do you need a blanket for?” One of the asked.

“Well, I get really cold at night and I was wondering if I could maybe get a blanket or at the very least a thicker cloak.” I muttered, meekly.

“How on earth are you cold?” The boys started laughing. “This island is a thousand degrees all the damn time. You really are cold blooded, lizard.”

“Yeah, yeah, I get it,” I crossed my arms, “I’m a wuss because I get cold easily. Can you stop making fun of me?”

“Awe, did we hurt your feelings?” One of the boys pinched my cheek, “Little lizard girl can’t stand a little cold?”

“You guys are such jerks!” I shoved them off. “Forget I said anything. I’ll find something on my own.” I huffed and marched off. The boys were wrong about me being cold blooded because I could feel the blood boiling in my veins. Now if only I could bottle this red hot anger and use that to warm my tent at night.

I went up to other Lost Boys asking around for a spare blanket but they all gave me the same bark of laughter and refusal to help me. I had enough and went out to the beach to find my sunbathing rock. It was a large smooth flat rock that stretched into the sea a bit. It was a nice place to keep warm and get some peace and quiet.

When I got there I saw that I wasn’t the only looking for some quiet.

“Hey Felix,” I sat down next to him, “What brings you here today?”

“Stone skipping,” He gestured to the pile of stones by his feet. “Come to warm yourself, viper?”

“What else do I do?” I sighed. I liked Felix. He was easy to talk to and unlike a lot of the other boys when he called me lizard or viper I didn’t think he did it out of malice. It was just a name like Toodles or Slightly. I thought briefly about asking him about acquiring a blanket but decided not to. I had enough of the boys laughing in my face and I really didn’t want to add Felix to that list.

The minutes passed by as I laid down to soak in the sun. Another thing that I liked about Felix was that I didn’t feel the need to fill the silence around him. We could simply exist next to each other. It was rather comforting that we could have these moments when I lived on an island full of boys that couldn’t stand still for more than five seconds.

“Scoot over,” Felix nudged me with his foot.

“Run out of rocks already?” I made room next to me so Felix could lay down as well.

“Yeah,” He sighed and closed his eyes. “Weren’t a lot to be found today.”

“Happens,” I shrugged. I pulled an orange out of my pocket and started peeling it. “Orange slice?”

He opened his mouth and I rolled my eyes before dropping a slice in. “You know,” I said, “One of these days I’m going to do something like drop a rock or a little hermit crab in your mouth.”

“You wouldn’t dare.”

“Wouldn’t I?” I bit into a slice. Felix opened an eye to glare at me. I held out another slice as a peace offering. He took it with his hand this time. “Smart choice.”

“Remind me why I put up with you?”

“Because I’m fun and also quiet and I always end up giving you half of my snack when we’re together. Speaking of, my canteen is empty.”

“Here,” he handed me his.

“Thank you.” I took a generous swig. We passed the rest of our time laying in the sun not saying much until Felix had to leave.

The sun started to set and it was with a heavy heart that I braced myself for the cold and meandered back to camp. The boys I had spoken to earlier sniggered as I passed. I got to my tent and sighed when I realized what exactly those idiots had been giggling about. My cloak was gone. The one thing I use to keep myself warm at night and it was gone. Assholes.

Fine. If they want to take my stuff then I’ll take theirs too. I maneuvered stealthily around the camp looking for an unattended cloak. I eventually found one in a distant tent near the edge of camp and grabbed it. Let’s see how funny they think it is that their stuff gets stolen.

I bundled up the cloak and made a straight line for my own tent. I unfurled the cloak and was surprised by how much thicker this one was than the one I had. Probably thicker than what any of the boys wore. It also smelled kinda nice. I don’t know why but I caught a whiff of it and it put me at ease almost immediately. I wrapped myself in the cloak and reveled in the extra warmth it provided before promptly falling asleep.

~~~

Someone was gonna die!

Felix was turning in for the night and had noticed that his cloak had been missing. One of these idiots stole his cloak and when he found out who he was gonna murder them. No one steals from him. Not even as a joke.

It was the whole reason he set up his tent away from the main bustle of the camp. So stuff like this wouldn’t happen. But now it had and heads were gonna roll.

He noticed a group of boys together laughing it up by the fire. He saw one of them holding a bundle of fabric and charged.

“Hey!” Felix grabbed the kid by the neck. “You got some explaining to do you little shit!”

“Felix, calm down buddy.” One of the boys tried saying. “You’re choking him.”

“That’s the point.” He growled. “Cloak. Give. Now!”

The boy shoved the cloak into Felix’s free hand. Felix released him and the kid stumbled back gasping.

“Why do you have to be such a kill joy?” The boys complained. “Did the lizard send you to do her dirty work?”

“What?” Felix asked. “What are you talking about?”

“We stole her cloak cause she was complaining about being cold again. I really don’t see how she can be cold when it is always hot on this island.”

“Oh so this isn’t mine.” Felix really looked at the cloak in his hands. It was very thin and threadbared from years of use. It was a wonder that it was still together at all. He balled the cloak up and stuffed it under his arm. “So which one of you assholes stole my cloak then? It was in my tent this morning and now it’s gone.”

“We didn’t take anything from you.” The boys said. “We swear we didn’t go anywhere near your tent.”

Felix prowled closer, fire in his eyes. “You had better not have. You know how I feel when people touch my stuff. So if I find out you are lying I will shove a spear up your ass and roast you over the fire.”

Felix trudged away leaving the terrified Lost Boys behind. Now he just needed to get this cloak back to you. As thin as it was it was the only thing you had to keep the chill off so some coverage was better than none. Maybe he could approach Pan about getting you a real blanket or at the very least a thicker cloak. He knew how easily you got cold.

Felix sighed. He really was stuck on you. Out of everyone on the island you were the only one that he liked spending time with. Unlike everyone else you were able to sit still and enjoy the moment of silence the world offered. Spending time with you was like finding the eye of a hurricane. All the noise and chaos continued while he stayed safe.

He came upon your tent and peered inside. You were already fast asleep. Looking closer he realized that you already had a cloak covering you. How was that if the boys had taken yours earlier?

Wait. That was his cloak. Why would you steal his cloak? He plan was to wake you up and make the swap but upon seeing you laying there without shivering he couldn’t bring himself to take his cloak away from you. It was much thicker and warmer than your old one was and you clearly needed the layer.

It didn’t help matters that he got a strange fluttering in his chest when he saw you curled up in his clothes. Why was that happening? Why did you look so...cute? Cute was not a word that Felix used, ever. But it was the only appropriate word he could find as he gazed at you.

With a sigh Felix left your tent. He threatened the Lost Boys to not take anything of yours again lest they answer directly to him. The boys nodded in terror, not wanting to incur the wrath of Pan’s second in command. He threw your old shitty cloak into the bonfire. You wouldn’t be needing it anymore now that you had his to keep you warm. Felix let himself a small grin as he watched the cloak turn into a pile of ash. Besides, he thought, his cloak looked way better on you anyway.

---

(Part 2)

#felix imagine #felix x reader #ouat felix #ouat #neverland #peter pan ouat #request

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glennmillerorchestra · 2 years ago

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White album?

ooh good one anon!! and also one that is going to be extremely long lmaooo so buckle up for what's below the cut

back in the u.s.s.r: well, the ukraine girls really knock me out / they leave the west behind / and moscow girls make me sing and shout / that georgia's always on my mi-mi-mi-mi-mi-mi-mi-mi-mind

dear prudence: the wind is low, the birds will sing / that you are part of everything / dear prudence / won't you open up your eyes?

glass onion: i told you 'bout the walrus and me, man / you know that we're as close as can be, man / well, here's another clue for you all / the walrus was paul <- (faul)

ob-la-di, ob-la-da: happy ever after in the market place / molly lets the children lend a hand / desmond stays at home and does his pretty face / and in the evening, she's a singer with the band

wild honey pie: i love you, honey pie (about the only "lyric" in the whole "song")

the continuing story of bungalow bill: the children asked him if to kill was not a sin / "not when he looked so fierce" his mommy butted in / "if looks could kill, it would have been us instead of him"

while my guitar gently weeps: i look at you all, see the love there that's sleeping / while my guitar gently weeps / i look at the floor, and i see it needs sweeping / still, my guitar gently weeps

happiness is a warm gun: she's well acquainted with the touch of the velvet hand / like a lizard on a window pane

martha my dear: when you find yourself in the thick of it / help yourself to a bit of what is all around you / silly girl

i'm so tired: i'm so tired, i haven't slept a wink / i'm so tired, my mind is on the blink / i wonder should i get up and fix myself a drink

blackbird: blackbird singing in the dead of night / take these broken wings and learn to fly / all your life / you were only waiting for this moment to arise

piggies: have you seen the little piggies crawling in the dirt? / and for all the little piggies, life is getting worse

rocky raccoon: his rival, it seems, had broken his dreams / by stealing the girl of his fancy / her name was magill, and she called herself lil / but everyone knew her as nancy

don't pass me by: i'm sorry that i doubted you, i was so unfair / you were in a car crash, and you lost your hair <- (faul)

why don't we do it in the road: why don't we do it in the road? / no one will be watching us / why don't we do it in the road? (profound lyrics right here)

i will: who knows how long i've loved you? / you know i love you still / will i wait a lonely lifetime? / if you want me to, i will

julia: morning moon, touch me / so i sing a song of love, julia

birthday: they say it's your birthday / well, it's my birthday too, yeah (another profound set of lyrics)

yer blues: black cloud crossed my mind / blue mist round my soul / feel so suicidal / even hate my rock and roll

mother nature's son: find me in my field of grass / mother nature's son / swaying daisies, sing a lazy song beneath the sun

everybody's got something to hide except me and my monkey: the deeper you go, the higher you fly / the higher you fly, the deeper you go

sexy sadie: one sunny day, the world was waiting for a lover / she came along to turn on everyone / sexy sadie, the greatest of them all

helter skelter: tell me, tell me, tell me, come on, tell me the answer / well, you may be a lover, but you ain't no dancer

long, long, long: now i can see you, be you / how can i ever misplace you?

revolution 1: but if you want money for people with minds that hate / well, all i can tell you is, brother, you have to wait

honey pie: now honey pie you are making me crazy / i'm in love but i'm lazy / so won't you please come home

savoy truffle: you know that what you eat you are / but what is sweet now turns so sour / we all know ob-la-di-bla-da / but can you show me where you are?

cry baby cry: cry, baby, cry / make your mother sigh / she's old enough to know better

revolution 9: number nine, number nine, number nine, number nine, number nine, number nine, number nine, number nine, number nine etc etc etc (the most profound of all "lyrics")

good night: now the moon begins to shine / good night, sleep tight

send me an album and i'll give you my favorite lyric from each song!

#anon you were CRAZY for this one my god... hope my selections are up to par #anon #ask

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haloud · 3 years ago

Text

things we could burn in one go (eminence) -- chapter 10

also on ao3

Rating: Mature Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings Relationships: Isabel Evans & Max Evans & Michael Guerin, Michael Guerin/Alex Manes, Forrest Long/Alex Manes Additional Tags: post-s2, Canon Compliant, Angst, Canon-Typical Violence, Hurt/Comfort, Starts Forlex Ends Malex, Other Characters May Appear, Tags Subject to Update, Mutual Pining, Breaking Up, Getting Together

Chapter Summary: Alex and Forrest struggle to understand each other in the wake of their breakup; Alex makes a shocking discovery at the Long farm.

Excerpt:

The corner of Forrest’s mouth twitched, as did one eyebrow, and his stance softened slightly. “No serenade? No boombox? No diamonds? There goes that fantasy.”

It was true; Alex had come here empty-handed, the way he brought himself to every step of their relationship. All the things he had inside him, all the things he had to give, he’d failed to deliver any of them in a way that Forrest needed. He’d made do with illusions, convincing ones, convincing enough to fool even himself into thinking he was built any other way than this. He was a problem-solver, a provider; it was bitter medicine to learn that brute-forcing himself into the proper shape for someone else only hurt everyone involved.

Alex ducked his head with an infinitesimal smile of his own. “Sorry to disappoint.”

Forrest shook his head. “Honestly, I’m just kind of surprised you’re even here. I thought I’d be waiting until I decided to come to you. And shouldn’t you be at work right now?”

“I took a half day,” Alex replied. He’d taken tomorrow off as well to prepare for their planning session, but Forrest didn’t need to know that. “I didn’t want to make either of us wait. Not for this.”

(Wednesday, 14:00)

The Long family home was leagues from the old barn and the fallen tree, but an odd sort of almost-nostalgia sloshed in Alex’s stomach as he approached the house all the same. He had only been back here a few times since he and Forrest met; it wasn’t a part of their relationship; it was more convenient to spend their time at Alex’s, where there was no one to bother them. When they spent the night together, it was in Alex’s bed, and the sex they had was there too, unless Forrest knew for sure Wyatt was gone and not coming back. That thought only made it stranger, how Alex had never quite gotten used to sharing his space with him, sharing a bed, sharing a life. For the thousandth time he wondered what was wrong with him, but he took a deep breath and cut that feeling loose and let it float away. What good was a question with no answer to him now? It was a search he’d never finish, and he would have to learn to live with it.

It felt wrong to leave something before it was finished. To turn his back on a piece of himself before examining every inch of it under the light, to cut loose a string without following it to its end and seeing where it led. But to force it would only make things worse, and he’d done enough of that already.

By the time Alex parked, shut off his car, and gathered his willpower to approach the house, the door was open, and Forrest was waiting for him on the porch. He looked…great. Normal. He’d touched up his hair; his eyes were well-rested and sharp; his fingers and neck dripped with jewelry, and Alex could recognize the look for the armor it was. His own leather jacket was a solid weight across his shoulders.

“Hey,” he said with an awkward wave.

The corner of Forrest’s mouth twitched, as did one eyebrow, and his stance softened slightly. “No serenade? No boombox? No diamonds? There goes that fantasy.”

Alex ducked his head with an infinitesimal smile of his own. “Sorry to disappoint.”

Forrest shook his head. “Honestly, I’m just kind of surprised you’re even here. I thought I’d be waiting until I decided to come to you. And shouldn’t you be at work right now?”

Forrest just snorted and moved aside, sitting in a rocking chair and nudging the one beside it with his foot. “Well, let’s get this over with.”

Sitting, they were silent for a while, the world peaceful around them—birds chirping, sun shining, the whole nine yards. Alex watched a small lizard creep across the dirt below the porch railing until it disappeared beneath the house.

“I’m sorry,” he said. “I should have told you about Michael. That wasn’t fair, and I’m sorry for how I acted and the things I said.”

He swallowed, grimaced, almost, the words juvenile and inadequate to his own ears.

“About Michael staying with you, or…about Michael,” Forrest replied, guarded.

“The first one. Well—both, as it turns out. I thought…I guess it doesn’t matter what I thought. I’m sorry for not telling you that Michael was staying over; that was shitty, I knew the whole time it was shitty, and I did it anyway because I didn’t want to fight. But at the same time, I had no idea you were worried about, well, me cheating on you.”

Sighing, Forrest said, “I told you, man. Unfinished business. It’s kind of visible from space. Before this, I wouldn’t even have thought I was a jealous person, can you believe that? I should have said something to you, but I thought I could just power through it.”

“I guess we both learned things about ourselves,” Alex said wryly. “I didn’t think I had anything to hide, but when it came time to say something about Michael to you, I just clammed up. Would I have felt that way if it was Kyle staying over? Probably not. But I wasn’t thinking about it like that.”

“Huh.” Forrest paused. He rocked his chair slowly forward and back, hands folded on his stomach.

“Did I act weird? Shifty, like I was hiding something?” Alex asked, awkward and vulnerable, embarrassed at how poorly he knew himself, how poorly he knew how he should have acted to not even know that much.

“No, not really. Well, you were pretty distant, but,” he shrugged, “there’s nothing wrong with needing space. It was just…you know, you sang that song at the Pony when we got together, and I had an inkling it was about Guerin, but for some reason I thought I could handle it. Dating a guy who was in love with someone else, who was trying to move on. But it didn’t work like that, huh.”

“I’m sorry,” Alex repeated weakly. “I really thought I was ready. I didn’t mean to lie to you; mostly I was lying to myself. But I know it doesn’t make it any better.”

“Can I ask you a question? Point blank?”

“Um, sure. Go ahead.”

“Were you cheating on me with Guerin?”

“No.” That, at least, he could say firm and clear.

Forrest took a deep breath, dropped his eyes, then looked out across the desert. “Okay.”

“Okay?”

“I believe you.”

Briefly, Alex had to push down the urge to lash out defensively like he had during their previous fight. Had he really done so much to deserve that scrutiny while they were together?

“Thank you,” he said, not sure of what else needed to be.

“I appreciate you coming here and being honest. I mean…it still kind of stings for things to end this way, but. I do appreciate it. And, well, I’m sorry too.”

“For what?”

“Showing up and exploding like that without giving you some warning. I mean, I’m kind of not sorry it brought things to a head in the end, but it was still rude.”

“No, I should’ve—”

Forrest held up a hand to stall Alex. “No, seriously, dude. The martyr act is cute, but I’m a big boy. Your house is covered in cameras, and you need like two weeks of warning for a coffee date; I knew better than to think showing up like that would be a cute surprise.”

“Oh. Um.” Alex floundered for a way to respond to that. He felt seen, pinned under the lamp of an insight he hadn’t known Forrest had. It was itchy.

“Um, thanks. For the apology. And I get what you mean, about being sorry it happened but not sorry that…well. I really am sorry it ended this way.” If not that it was ending at all.

“Are you?” Forrest raised an eyebrow. “You’re a free agent now. I half-expect Guerin to send me flowers by Saturday.”

Alex winced. But still, he said, “Okay, that’s fair. We kind of, um…”

Forrest let out an ugly snort. “You know, most people double check after a fight like that. Damn, I’m glad I was already planning on breaking up with you for good if you hadn’t gotten the message.”

“I…I know. The way it happened, it just…” Alex sighed and raked his hand through his hair. “I won’t make excuses. You have every right to be mad.”

“I am mad. And hurt,” Forrest said matter-of-factly. “But maybe not as much as I thought I’d be, once the shock cooled off.”

“Y-yeah?”

“Yeah.” A smile flickered on Forrest’s mouth, and he shrugged. “Looking back on it, it kind of feels like we’d been forcing it for a while, huh.”

Alex matched him hesitant smile for hesitant smile. Between them there were stacks of stilted conversations and unmade plans, awkward mornings and missed connections. From the morning Fields barged into Alex’s life to the moment he thought he saw his brother at the airport, in the past few weeks there were a number of times Alex had found himself unable to reach out across a gap and meet Forrest there. He’d thought it was just something wrong with him; it was an unbelievable relief to find that Forrest felt the same.

“You might be right,” he confessed.

“Yeah, I think I am,” Forrest sighed. “Damn. That’s probably why my head went straight to cheating.”

“You don’t have to find a way to even that scale,” Alex replied, shaking his head. “I was wrong; I won’t back down from that. But Michael aside, I never wanted to hurt you, Forrest. And I’m sorry I did.”

Forrest chewed on his lip, an old nervous habit. He had a pinprick scar just there, a souvenir from a piercing he’d grown out of, and when Alex would kiss him there, he’d smile. Alex was walking away from this with warm memories, sweet new patterns in the weaving of his life, unexpected treasures. And that in itself was something to cherish, no matter how much their relationship faded into history.

“Yeah, well, same here.”

“You didn’t hurt me, now you’re the one trying to even the scale—” Alex protested.

Forrest cut him off. “I like you, Alex, and I liked our jam sessions, and you made my time in Roswell suck so much less than I thought it would. But there’s a universe where we’re sitting on opposite ends of this, because my book is way more almost done than I’d let on to you just yet, so. Thanks for being such an almost-two-timing emotionally constipated jerk so when I tell my friends this story five years from now I can totally get all the sympathy.”

Alex let out a surprised snort that turned into laughter, and Forrest joined him, if a little more subdued than he’d normally be.

When they collected themselves, Forrest wiped some wetness away from his eyes and said, “Seriously, though, Alex, I hope he makes you happy. Because I don’t think we did that for each other, in the long run.”

“I hope that for you, too, Forrest,” Alex replied softly. “You deserve someone way less fucked up than me.”

“Nah, cut that crap out. We’re all a little bit fucked up.”

“I guess that’s true.”

“It is true. You, me, whoever I date next. My old granny,” he said with the first true smile of the afternoon. “And Guerin, too.”

His smile dropped as quickly as it had appeared, and he leaned forward, reaching out and putting his hand on Alex’s knee; Alex almost shied away, but he forced himself to stay still.

“I just want to make sure,” Forrest said, voice gentle—a gentleness Alex didn’t trust. His composure broke, and he drew back, the slight movement causing Forrest to drop his hand. He continued, “Guerin…he’s what you want? Truly, this is what you want?”

“Yes,” Alex snapped, no hesitation.

“Okay. Just, if you’re sure. If this is really your choice.”

Alex’s patience ripped clean in two. “I know the two of you spent some time together at the library,” he said, voice level and deliberate, “but from what I can tell, you don’t know him at all, so spare me this paternalism, okay? I can make my own choices. Whatever assumptions you’re making—”

“Okay! Okay.” Forrest held his hands up in surrender, but it did nothing to cool Alex’s temper. “I just had to ask.”

“Well, there’s your answer.”

“Noted.”

Alex stood stiffly, and Forrest followed just a second behind. They stood and stared at each other for a few seconds, Alex waiting for him to make a move, Forrest waiting for something Alex couldn’t figure.

Then Forrest stuck out his hand. In the same motion, Alex half-turned, made himself sideways, a smaller target, flowing out of the path if that hand continued forward in a blow. But no, it stayed still halfway between them. Forrest didn’t comment on his reaction. Alex reached out and shook his hand.

“I’ll see you around sometime,” Forrest said. His smile crinkled up the corners of his eyes.

“Take care of yourself, Forrest,” Alex replied.

He left the Long farm the same way he came, down the same dirt road, down the same path in his head, with the same almost-nostalgia. Leaving looked a hundred different ways, and he’d been a hundred different times, but this time the scenery was new, and he was ready to be home.

(15:00)

A lot of work went into making Alex’s house a home.

When he moved from the Valenti cabin closer to town, it was out of necessity, even if it took him a long time to admit it. It was a victory over his own stubbornness and solitude and maladaptive independence, a concession to comfort that surprised even himself. It made his life better. He was closer to work; he was closer to his friends; he had an accessible bathroom, and something he’d considered so small before helped him along a journey he’d barely acknowledged toward accepting and appreciating the body he lived in now. But changing environments wasn’t easy for him. He’d had to put a year’s worth of care into finding the perfect location and fitting the house there to be someplace he could feel secure without complete solitude for miles around him, between the cameras and the vantage point of the patio and the orientation of his bedroom within the house and just everything from top to bottom. He’d fought hard. He won.

And then he came home from breaking up with his ex-boyfriend to find a strange car in his driveway.

Well, not entirely strange. He’d seen it once before. But when he saw it, it was from the vantage point of his own front door, not from the outside.

The car had room to park in the driveway because Michael’s truck was gone, and that was the only mercy Alex knew as he parked in the street and unholstered his gun. Michael wasn’t here; he was safe with Isobel or Max or Sanders or someone—someone who wasn’t Alex, who thought he had a safe space, a space to protect Michael, but in the end had nothing at all. The house hadn’t been empty since Michael’s injury, but now that he was on the mend, it was at times. Michael was alone at times.

Was this the first time Fields had come by? What was stopping her from returning with backup and taking Michael away?

Gun in one hand, phone in the other, there was one defensive maneuver on Alex’s mind before he confronted his enemy.

Michael answered quickly, though every second felt like an eternity as Alex watched Fields watch him, face expressionless, body language placid in her place between him and his own front door.

“Alex—” His voice came through, so light and happy it stole the breath from Alex’s chest. He was okay. He wasn’t shoved in the back of a van, chained and muffled and senseless, his truck abandoned in a ditch somewhere in the desert.

He didn’t let him finish. “Thank God. Where are you, Michael? Are you okay?”

Worry stole the light from Michael’s tone, but Alex could beat himself up for causing that later. “Alex? I’m fine, I’m at the Pony, what’s wrong—”

Alex repeated, “Thank god. Don’t come home, do you hear me? Do not come back to the house until I give you the all clear. Stay with Max and Maria.”

“What? No!”

Alex hung up on him and stowed his phone before leaving the car and crossing the street.

“Captain!” Fields said cheerfully from one of his patio chairs. Her eyes flicked down and clocked Alex’s weapon held at his side, but her demeanor didn’t change.

“What is this about? Get off my property,” Alex almost snarled.

“Sure, Captain. Your call.”

She stood, adjusted her skirt, and pulled her phone from her pocket. It couldn’t have rung more than once before she said, all lightness gone from her tone, “Get me Sgt. Manes.”

Cold clarity broke over Alex’s head and trickled through his veins. His arms snapped up and locked into place, gun pointed directly at Fields, unwavering.

“Hang up,” he ordered.

“You’re in control here,” she replied. “I’ve given you all the time in the world, and now I’m giving you more.” She angled her phone away from her face so he could hear the tinny hold music blaring from the speaker. “If you’re going to keep avoiding me, I’m going to call someone in who has answers and gets results. Or are you prepared to do that for me?”

The music measured the seconds as Alex considered his options, mind apart from motionless body. Project Shepherd, the source of so much pain, so many nightmares. He still didn’t really know what Fields wanted from him, except to continue his father’s work.

But he didn’t have to do that, did he? Put him at the helm of the Project, and he could quietly shut it down from the inside, erase it from existence, reduce it down to nothing. Euthanasia of a legacy.

In a perfect world, if Alex were a perfect man, he would. The path was paved with solid golden intention—but the end of it was hazy. How many times had Alex seen a stranger in the mirror and known he needed to get away from the military to find himself again behind his father’s shadow, and how many times had he made a different decision? How could he be sure this time would be different, that he wouldn’t find reason after reason that Project Shepherd was a necessary evil, that with himself heading it, he was keeping his loved ones safe, working for the greater good, even if they didn’t understand—all in the same uniform of generations, the uniform Michael could barely look at?

So, then, the other choice. Walk away. Let Fields call in Flint or promote some other career man to do what they would, set their traps, work in secret for the eradication of a threat that might never come at the expense of everything Alex held dear. No control, no insight, how many times would he have to fear the ultimate loss, Michael, dead, Maria, dead, their loved ones, dead, their accusing eyes on him.

The uniform laid to rest and packed away, a closed chapter in a life that still had so much living worth in it.

The music looped. Alex’s steady arm began to ache. He was running out of time.

“It doesn’t have to be like this,” Fields said, voice low and convincing past the jangling notes and Alex’s own pounding heartbeat. “This work isn’t just your legacy, it’s rewarding in its own right. Have you ever wanted to settle down, have a family? This offer comes with total security. No more moving around, way less following orders. I’m sure your lover would appreciate it too—”

That snapped Alex out of his frozen poise, the clanging dissonance making him snort. “My lover? You’re a little late with that one; we just broke up.” He dropped his gun hand. “Hang up the phone. Here’s your answer.”

“Go ahead.”

“The answer’s no.”

Fields’s face turned down, but, true to her word, she pressed end call. Alex reholstered his gun.

“Well, I can’t say I’m not disappointed. I was looking forward to working with you. I hope you know what you’re doing.”

“I hope so too,” Alex replied, surprising even himself that he’d be that candid. But something about Fields’s demeanor diminished with the threat of Flint on hold, almost like she’d pushed so hard because this was something she wanted, rather than something she was under orders to obtain.

Even with her phone silent, though, it represented the same thing—a direct line to Flint, an accessory to a job offer, putting someone with his track record highly placed to wreak havoc. But if Alex made all his decisions based on that fear, he’d never be free. He’d spend the rest of his life running into airport bathrooms after strangers.

And maybe he would anyway. Refusing to let himself be intimidated this once wouldn’t eradicate the real threat the aliens lived under every day. But allowing himself to live between those moments—he owed himself that much.

Shocking Alex further, Fields stuck out her hand, and he shook it.

“Apologies if I was overzealous, sir. I’ve been told I need to work on my impulsivity.”

“It’s—” Alex let out a weak laugh. “Water under the bridge, Lieutenant. What’s with this change of attitude?”

She shrugged. “Disappointment, I guess. A little embarrassment that I waited so long for no payoff. But I won’t force the issues. My superiors have other options.”

There was a veiled threat in there, too, but Alex was too tired to force the issue either. For the second time today, he resigned himself to walking away from stalemate.

“Goodbye, Lieutenant,” he said, stepping aside to let her get to her car.

“Goodbye, Captain.”

The last Alex saw of her was the back of her head driving away. And when she disappeared into the heat haze, he collapsed back into a chair, muscles weak and vision swimming. He stuck his head between his knees and sucked in deep breaths until he landed back inside his body.

When he could stand again, he did, pointing his body toward the door and marching inside. The door was still locked: no sign of forced entry anywhere, not in the front or the back or any of the windows Alex checked methodically, sash, latch, frame. The safe and medicine cabinet were both untouched; he checked each twice; he opened every closet and cabinet door on autopilot. He got on the floor to check beneath both beds; he pulled back the shower curtains.

And when there were no more places to check, he stood in the center of his house, staring down his own cameras, trying to break through the walls his own brain put down around him, trying to regain control.

So on edge, Alex wheeled around seconds before a car screeched into the driveway, the pounding of feet, the scrape of a key in the lock and the door thrown open, and—

“Alex!” Michael cried.

He bounded around the corner, wild-eyed and frantic, and as soon as he spotted Alex standing there, he rushed to him, arms already outstretched. Alex barely got his own arms up in time to catch him, but he didn’t need to; Michael was enough for both of them, steady and strong and there, solid arms around Alex, almost lifting him an inch off his feet. His hands clutched at Alex’s back with a desperation that registered only dimly.

“Alex,” he breathed again, holding him, if possible, even closer, pressing their foreheads together and sucking in a deep shuddery breath. “You’re okay, fuck, I was so scared—”

“I told you to stay away,” Alex said weakly.

Michael’s answering laugh was just as weak, almost hysterical. “You know I’m a rebel.”

They drifted like that for a minute or two, Michael’s warm, soft-rough palms cradling Alex’s face, grounding the both of them, letting their souls settle. Then, he stepped back, those hands on Alex’s shoulders, holding him at arm’s length.

“You’re okay? You’re not hurt? That phone call—you scared the shit out of me, Alex, what the hell happened?”

“When I got home, Fields was waiting for me.”

“What? Fuck!”

“I freaked out, I had to make sure you were safe, that you stayed safe—”

“Are you safe? What did she want? What did she do?”

“I’m fine. Physically, I’m fine,” Alex let his eyes fall shut, wrapping his hands around Michael’s wrists, fragile bones in his grip, and he let Michael hold him, shutting off his senses.

“Okay. Okay, Alex. I’ve got you,” Michael rasped, pressing into him even closer.

“I told her no,” Alex blurted out, pressing right back, starting them swaying back and forth. There was no other way to get close enough but to push and pull, no matter how much they tried to meld themselves into one.

“What?”

“Fields, I—I told her no. No Project Shepherd. No.”

“Alex.”

Michael’s fingers sought across his face, stroking, feeling, calloused finger pads on his brows, his cheekbones, fit so gently against the line of his jaw, tracing his lips and the corners of his eyes, and then Michael’s lips caressed him too, forehead, nose, then mouth, and by the time he was done, Alex’s breath hitched and his body shook.

“I love you,” Michael whispered. “I love you so much. You are—you are so fucking strong, you know that? I know, I know how hard this is, but I’m so proud of you.”

“I love you too,” Alex replied helplessly.

“It’s going to be okay, okay? We’ll figure it out.”

Somehow, Michael spoke with confidence, such a tiny, intimate assurance, no matter how unlikely, no matter how utopian, like a siren it sung to Alex to let go, to give his fear and stress over into Michael’s hands, and he needed somewhere physical for that feeling to go, so he looped his arms loosely around Michael’s neck and rested there.

“I don’t know what’s going to happen,” he admitted. “I don’t know how bad I fucked up—I don’t know how long she was here before I got back—there was no sign of entry, and I checked the house, but I don’t know—I don’t know—”

“Let’s sit down, okay? I’ll get you something to drink, and your meds, if you want, and I’ll, uh, let me tell Max he can go home…” Michael said sheepishly.

“Max?”

“Yeah, he was with me when you called and wasn’t gonna let me rush over here by myself if there was trouble.”

“Good man,” Alex said weakly.

Moving stiff, he sat on the couch. Michael flitted around him for a second, adjusting pillows, giving him a blanket, fingers trailing over him like he wasn’t quite willing to be out of arm’s length. He tore himself away, though, and Alex tracked him from one end of the house to the other, front door, bathroom, kitchen, and when he came back to Alex’s side he was barefoot, glass of water and pill bottle in hand, and he sat on the floor below Alex, leaning back against him, folding himself so his forehead rested against Alex’s hip and Alex could rest his hand in Michael’s hair.

“They’re not going to take you,” Alex promised. “No matter what it takes, whether I told her yes or no, I won’t let them have you.”

“I know,” Michael replied. “But I won’t let you give yourself up, either. We’re together. In everything. No matter what happens.”

“No—”

“That’s why I didn’t listen to you when you told me to stay away,” Michael explained, lifting his head enough to look Alex in the eye. He was as serious as Alex had ever seen him. “You can’t ask that of me. We stand together. That’s…that’s a line in the sand, okay?”

Alex swallowed. “I can’t promise I won’t say something like that again.”

“I know. But just understand—whenever you do, I’m gonna disobey.”

Alex’s eyes slipped shut, lips pressed together, riding out the fear, the straight shot of catastrophe in his brain. Michael’s words, so clear and steady, so different from the people they’d been, the places their relationship languished. Alex had to respect that, even knowing it would likely cause them to fight for the rest of their lives.

“I love you,” he repeated, the best acknowledgment he could give.

Michael smiled, crinkling the corners of his honey-sweet eyes, and Alex twisted a hand in the collar of his shirt, pulling him forward into a deep, sweeping kiss. He moved easy with every move of Alex’s, half-crouched to crawling up onto Alex’s thighs, then onto the couch to straddle his lap, his hot mouth driving deep against Alex’s. Alex’s hands went to his hair, gripping and tugging those soft curls, sliding down his back and back up, they made out on the couch like the teenagers they used to be.

Pulling back to breathe, but not so far Alex couldn’t shift to kissing down his throat and chest, Michael panted, “Bedroom? Do we wanna—should we--?”

“Uh,” Alex stalled out, the light from the window warm where it pooled, Michael’s hardening cock warm where it pressed against Alex’s belly through their clothes. The world was out there, the camera, in the corner, and Alex weighed his options, immediate gratification versus comfort and privacy.

Did they have any privacy, anyway? The image of Fields waiting, alone, at his house, free reign to tamper with whatever she wanted, haunted the edges of Alex’s mind.

“Alex?” Michael asked softly, brushing his fingertips through the overlong ends of his hair.

Their faces were only inches apart, their breaths mingling between lips and lungs, and there wasn’t anything Alex would let keep them from nurturing the happiness finally within their grasp.

“Yes,” Alex said, palming Michael’s hips, “Yes, bedroom.”

Sliding off his lap, Michael reached out a hand, and Alex took it, heat zinging up his arm where they were joined. Michael led the way until they reached the bedroom, where he hesitated beside the bed, watching Alex under his lashes. So Alex sat, pulling him by his belt loops back to straddle his lap like he had on the couch, running his hands up and down Michael’s body as he settled in, his own arms warm and solid around Alex’s neck.

The world held still, then, their eyes locked, electric and hypnotic, Alex’s hands twitching where they rested on Michael’s strong thighs, the scent of rain sharp and sweet in his nose and mouth with every inhale, every breath made tactile in puffs of heat in the space between them. The longer the moment stretched, the higher the temperature climbed, blood filling Alex’s cheeks, blood filling his cock as he waited for Michael’s next move.

That move was to lower his lips to Alex’s once again, slipping his hot, velvet tongue behind Alex’s lips and along his own tongue, flicking it against the roof of his mouth as he opened and relaxed into the languid kiss. As their mouths moved, so did Michael’s hands, cupping his neck then sliding down his shoulders to his chest. He dragged his thumbnails across Alex’s nipples, making him gasp and hiss, and Alex could feel the wicked smirk spread across his mouth even as he didn’t let up, nibbling his lower lip. Hips beginning to sway, Michael’s hands finished their journey at Alex’s waist, under his shirt and tugging it up—it was unthinkable to separate them, but they managed to wrench their mouths apart long enough to pull Alex’s shirt over his head—and then back down, he fumbled with the button on Alex’s jeans, fighting for access to his hardening cock.

Not to be outpaced, Alex did the same, making short work of Michael’s button and zipper even as he was distracted by the heat and velvet and texture of his chest and the sweet line of hair pointing down to his cock. Michael got up on his knees to shimmy his jeans down under his ass, tugging Alex’s off too, and when they were down to just the thin cotton of their underwear Michael let out a soft wavery sound, buzzing right into Alex’s mouth so he could taste the pleasure on it, frotting their cocks together, rubbing the weight of his body down against Alex. With every grind, his ass rolled against Alex’s thighs, a delicious tease, but not tonight, not tonight, it didn’t have to be tonight, taking everything of each other, they had so much time to explore every facet of their intimacy, every way to make each other climax, complete, come up and down all on each other.

“Come on, Michael,” Alex murmured, holding his hips as he ground down again. “C’mon, c’mon.”

“Alex,” Michael whispered back, all reverence.

“You’re so—fucking—” Beautiful, hot, incredible, amazing, all words that Alex didn’t even need to say, saying would cheapen them, and they had a better language, anyway. He tugged at the waistband of Michael’s boxers, and Michael’s dick bobbed free, hard and hot and Alex wrapped a hand around it, luxuriating in the texture and weight of it in his hand. He gave it one easy, loose stroke and Michael shuddered, another little sound falling from his lips.

They got into a rhythm quick—Michael slid his hand into Alex’s underwear to match him stroke for stroke, their hips moving in time, knuckles brushing every time they came together. Alex rolled his thumb over Michael’s slit and dragged the drop of precum collected down his vein, then let out a bitten-off cry when Michael did the same. Even the things Alex could predict were surprising at Michael’s hands.

After minutes of this, after sweat slicked the pace between them, hearts pounding, senses flooded, Michael shifted even closer, chasing Alex’s hand away as it came up his shaft, so he could wrap them both up and jerk them together, fast and rough, both of them fucked Michael’s hand and fucked against each other, Alex’s teeth on Michael’s ear, Michael’s lips against his cheek. Alex dug his nails into the meat of Michael’s shoulders, riding out every wave of pleasure until finally he came in messy, artless spurts over Michael’s hand.

Michael followed shortly behind, a stuttering moan and a pulse of pleasure, and then they both fell back onto the mattress, panting and laughing. They rolled toward each other like magnets, Michael slipping a leg between Alex’s thighs.

“It’s going to be okay,” Michael promised, serenity and certainty in every line of his face, and Alex sighed, pulling his hand to his chest and holding it there.

Michael couldn’t make that promise. Alex couldn’t make that promise. He had, before, and the universe turned it into a cruel joke. Believing it now would be a hard-fought battle.

“As long as we’re together, we’ll get through it,” Michael amended, and it drew a small smile to Alex’s face.

“I’ll do everything I can.”

“I know you will. But you don’t have to do it alone. You aren’t doing it alone.”

Alex answered him with another kiss, sealing it as truth between them.

(Thursday, 07:00)

Michael watched Alex through one lovely tawny eye as he went through the room double-checking there was no stray shirt of Forrest’s or toy of Buffy’s to collect before he made his last trip to the Long farm, to put paid to his and Forrest’s relationship once and for all.

“It’s early,” he said muzzily, through lips still mashed to the sheets warm with his sleep.

“I don’t want to keep this waiting,” Alex said with a wave of his hand, grabbing the bag of Forrest’s things. “Not while I have the day off. Get this done, then get back with plenty of time to prepare for our meeting.”

“Mmm, so efficient.”

“I do my best,” Alex said, hoping it came off as charming. “What are you up to today?”

Raising himself up on his hands, Michael arched his back in a luxurious stretch, muscles shifting in the early morning sun. He groaned as his muscles clenched and released and a couple joints popped, then said in his sweet early-morning rasp, “I should put in a couple hours at Sanders’s. Do we know everyone is coming today? Should I cut out early and meet you back here, or will you guys just be coming to the junkyard anyway?”

“I’ll touch base with everyone, but we’ll probably come to you.”

“Sounds good.” Michael stretched again, then swung his legs around to sit on the bed. One side of his face was flushed, one side of his curls scrunched. A bubble of light filled up Alex’s chest, and he cradled it so carefully, letting it show on his face, just for Michael.

Smiling back at him and rubbing one eye, Michael gestured at the bag of Forrest’s things and said, “How are you feeling? You okay?”

“I’m fine,” Alex replied, shifting the strap on his shoulder. Then, jaw working his face into a grimace, he added, “And that’s weird, right? I shouldn’t be fine? We dated for months—I should feel something.”

For weeks after his breakup with Maria, Michael had lurked on the edges of himself, head tucked between his shoulders, hands in his pockets. And now Alex turned his back with one last box on a to-do list, a final chore of separation. What did that make him?

“Hey,” Michael said, beckoning Alex forward and sliding his hands to cup his hips when he came. “Look, I don’t have a lot of experience in this area either, but enough with the should, okay? The only feelings you gotta feel are your own. You deal with breaking up however you need to, and so will Forrest.”

Alex took a measured breath, counting in, counting out. “You’re right. Thank you.”

“No thanks necessary,” Michael said, kissing him softly right on his sternum, above his anxious heart. “I’ll see you later, yeah?”

“Yeah.”

Alex left a parting kiss on Michael’s forehead and left him to get dressed and get to work. Making the drive to the Long farm for a second time in as many days was even more alien than the first; had he ever gone to Forrest’s so frequently as now, at the end?

The only feelings you gotta feel are your own, Michael said, with the wisdom of many years of terrible feeling, so as he drove, Alex did just that. One of the last sweet moments of their relationship was in a car just like this, playlist on the speakers half indie, half punk, both of them singing along to Pretty. Odd., where the two intersected, an album neither of them liked all that much in isolation but belted out together. For the rest of their lives, whenever those songs came on, for a moment they’d be back in a car together; wherever Forrest went next, in little three-minute bursts his phone would carry a dark desert road with Alex beside him.

For the rest of the drive, Alex turned on his music and let it play.

When he got to the farm and called Forrest, he came out of the house harried. “Why did I think you were bringing this stuff tomorrow?” he asked, a scowl on his face.

“I’m not sure; I had the day off and I thought—”

“Whatever. Thanks.”

A snappish retort leapt easily to Alex’s mind, but he held back. Forrest had reason enough to be mad, and if this was how he felt his feelings, they were broken up now—Alex abdicated soothing and fixing, and he’d take Forrest’s anger on the chin.

Forrest’s eyes darted toward Wyatt’s truck parked on the dirt drive beside Alex and said, “You should get out of here. Have a good life, Alex. I mean that.”

And just like that, Alex’s mind flipped and he couldn’t help himself. “If Wyatt is—”

“No, no, he’s mostly harmless. To me, anyway. But him seeing you here would be more trouble than it’s worth, so.” Forrest shouldered the bag of his things and half-turned away. “Bye.”

Alex didn’t move until Forrest disappeared back inside, gripping the steering wheel too tight until his fingers went cold and stiff. Fuck, maybe he should have waited to return this stuff, or just ditched it; all the closure from their last conversation soured on the tongue. But it was over now. Alex threw the car in reverse.

Then he threw it back into park a few yards down the lane, just out of sight of the main house. Wyatt was always more trouble than he was worth, but something was wrong in Forrest’s tone, and Alex would find out what. He had time, at least an hour, to sweep Wyatt’s most likely haunts, from the horse barn to his rigged-up shooting range.

Head on a swivel, Alex moved methodically, hot and dusty within minutes. The barn bustled with activity, so Alex gave it a wide berth, abandoning it as an option with no sign of Wyatt’s dulcet tones cutting through the air.

His mental map of the farm was imperfect at best, so Alex headed to the shooting range by way of the old barn, despite the distance out of his way, an acceptable risk when compared to the prospect of getting lost.

There was no time to linger, but the sight of the old building and fallen tree struck Alex with twin nostalgia and grief. Tripp’s dog tags hung body-hot beneath his shirt, and he let them, closing his eyes and focusing on that feeling, the chain around his neck, the weight of decades of inaction. He drifted closer to the barn, like returning Tripp’s tags to this place had some sort of meaning, whether blessing or blasphemy, Alex wasn’t sure.

He was still too far away to smell the rain burnt into the wood. Would it have smelled the same in Tripp’s time, rich and loving?

Alex hoped not.

Just as he turned to leave on that sour thought, a familiar voice drifted from inside the barn, freezing Alex in his tracks.

“I’m asking you again—are you—or not?”

What was Max doing here?

Alex crept closer. The response was clearer and came from Wyatt, loud and protesting.

“How are you even asking that right now? I’ve been doing all the shit you tell me for months, you gotta give me some quid pro quo—”

The last three words were a mocking drawl.

The response came, “Everything I’ve told you will come to pass, Mr. Long. Now’s not the time for doubters.”

That wasn’t Max. Alex’s heart pounded in his throat.

“Tsch. Whatever.”

“You’ve come far, Mr. Long. And, as always, I appreciate your talent for gathering information. Your eyes within the town are indispensable.”

“Oh yeah?”

“And you will be duly rewarded: doubly so for patience. Time is of the essence; I have to move while Manes is away—”

The sound of his name flashed hot and sharp through Alex’s frozen body, every nerve coming to life and screaming one thing: home.

#malex fic #michael guerin #alex manes #my fic #malex

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tallstars-rewrite · 3 years ago

Text

Chapter 29

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Talltail’s vision was blurry from lack of sleep, and the sunlight streaming through the sparse trees stung his eyes. He trailed behind the border patrol of Fawnleap, Aspenfall, Appledawn, and Mistmouse, sniffing and re-sniffing every bush they passed.

“You already sniffed that tree,” Fawnleap said.

Talltail blinked at him and took a heartbeat too long to respond as he tried to process the sentence. “Just double checking” he mumbled.

“You look like a half chewed badger carcass,” Aspenfall commented. “No offense. But you could probably use another grooming when we get back. StarClan knows I could use a nap too.”

“Thanks for the suggestion.” Talltail replied, not hiding the sharpness in his tone very well.

Fawnleap looked at him a bit longer. “We’re all a bit nervous on this border, but I think it’s been quiet for a while. Don’t worry so much.'' He was clearly trying to ease Talltail’s obvious nerves, but it wasn’t working.

Talltail would never feel at ease on the border with ShadowClan. He tried not to look for the place where Brackenwing had fallen. Even now he swore ShadowClan scent marked the grass, waiting to see Darkpaw signal another ambush. Mistmouse insisted it was just floating over through the tunnel, and a lone apprentice didn’t make an invasion anyway. Talltail didn’t believe that wretched apprentice cared about his clan's rules. But there was nothing to be done about it. His lack of sleep did make him a little more paranoid than normal, as he constantly second guessed whether his senses could be trusted. Worse was that his clanmates started wondering too.

“Are you still having those nightmares?” Fawnleap whispered after Talltail had finally left the bush alone. “I overheard Briarpaw saying you were having bad dreams. What are they about?”

“Foxes,” Talltail lied, “just a whole load of foxes. I think I fell asleep on moss that smelled of one.”

“I had a fox dream last week!” Fawnleap gasped “It was the size of a deer, but it had a lizard tail for some reason?”

Talltail tuned Fawnleap out as he went on about foxes with lizard feet and wings or whatever nonsense had crept into his head that time. Fawnleap made valiant efforts to engage with Talltail and pretend like everything was still fine between their old friends, when his siblings had both since given up on him. The chatty tom usually did most of the talking himself since Talltail didn’t carry conversations well these days.

When they reached the end of the patrol, Appledawn turned back to him as they started to split off.

“Talltail, we’re going to play leap-stones in the heather meadow, would you like to come? Dawnstripe’s going to meet us there.” She offered

“Yes, the rains have finally been away long enough for the ground to dry. It’s a nice day for it.” Mistmouse encouraged.

Talltail shook his head. “Thanks, but there’s a mole nest I was meaning to check out. I’m going to hunt for a while.”

“Alright, but if you change your mind...We could always use another player.” Appledawn said and the two mollies padded off together after Fawnleap, who had already bounded ahead.

The offer was made out of politeness, he was sure. Talltail watched them go a bit sadly. He did want to go, and lounging in the meadow with the sun right overhead sounded preferable to tracking back through the mole hills. But his restless energy wouldn’t let him be idle and content, no matter how his eyelids drooped.

Mole hills were easy enough to find, but the digging was less fun. Talltail’s nightmares were still floating around in his head, and were unfortunately not as simple as being chased by foxes as he’d told Fawnleap. The scrape of his claws in the shallow soil brought the images he’d seen the night before flashing through his head. In this dream, he’d been digging for moles, or maybe rabbits, sure that if he didn’t make this catch, he would starve and die, and so would everyone else. But his claws turned brittle, cracked and bloody, and became useless to him as if he were trying to claw the ground with wet leaves.

He hissed in pain as his paw caught on a rock. He wasn’t in the mood for eating moles at all right now. But so persistent were his dreams that he wondered, maybe if he successfully caught a real mole, it would ease the guilt he felt from failing in his dreams. How about that? Guilt for failing a hunt in my dreams, for StarClan’s sake.

He was thinking so hard about not thinking about his dreams, that he ended up too distracted to catch the field mouse that shot past him. Talltail turned in an instant and leapt after it, letting his instincts guide his claws. If he didn’t catch something soon, he would lose it. But the mouse was gaining on a thick bramble patch he’d never be able to get inside. Suddenly a golden blur shot out and pounced on the creature, Talltail nearly fell over his paws trying to stop himself before he crashed into Dawnstripe. She held the mouse in her jaws and twitched her whiskers in amusement

“That was a close one,” she said as she dropped the limp mouse at her paws. “These bramble patches are such a pain to hunt in, aren’t they?”

“Y-yes. Good catch.” Talltail said. “I...I thought you were meeting Appledawn in the meadow?”

“I will. You don’t want to come?”

Talltail sighed “I told myself I’d catch a few moles on my way back. Still haven't had any luck…”

“There’s a hunting patrol headed back now, the clan will last the day, especially if you take this mouse back.”

“I...just feel better when I’m hunting.” Talltail said hastily.

Dawnstripe hummed “I still get the feeling you're trying to prove something. But you have, Talltail. You're a warrior now, it’s greenleaf and the clan is cared for. You can have fun sometimes too.”

“Hunting is fun.” Talltail said quickly.

“Yes, but so are other things. Your clanmates feel like you're a stranger sometimes, you know.”

Talltail hung his head in defeat and frustration, but he relented a bit. “Dawnstripe...I feel like I don’t know what I’m supposed to be doing as a warrior.”

Dawnstripe blinked at him in confusion “What do you mean? You’re patrolling, and hunting a lot.”

“I know but...Before all my focus was on becoming a warrior. I had a stricter schedule as an apprentice, and an obvious goal to focus my sights on. Now I’ve accomplished it, and I don’t know what my goal is anymore. I don’t know what I should do differently, without you telling me each day what my task is. I hunt when I can, but I feel like I'm wandering aimlessly.”

“You can do independent tasks now.” Dawnstripe replied simply, “Reedfeather will assign you to a specific one when it needs getting done. You are doing what you're supposed to be doing, Talltail.”

Then why doesn’t it feel like enough? He didn’t want to confess to her how unsatisfying his warrior ceremony had been. It would sound like an insult to her, to say what she had been preparing him for wasn’t enough. Especially when he had no idea how to describe why he felt the way he did.

“You’re right, of course Dawnstripe. I guess warrior is still a title I'm not used to.”

“You know if there’s one thing I learned from mentoring you, it's that you are often your own worst enemy. You’re a brilliant hunter, and you only start misstepping when you overexert yourself and over think.”

“If I knew how to turn my thoughts off, I would.” It was harsher then he wanted it to be and he instantly regretted it.

But Dawnstripe didn’t flinch away. She head butted his shoulder affectionately. “I know it troubles you. You know Talltail, even if I’m no longer responsible for you, I am still here. You can talk to me.”

His anxious scent wouldn’t stop giving him away, and he held his tail under his back foot to keep it from lashing in frustration at how transparent he was. “I know, Dawnstripe. That means a lot. But I’ll keep hunting for now, practice keeps my paws busy. I’ll meet you back at camp this evening. I’ll take your mouse back for you. Have fun with Appledawn.”

Dawnstripe gazed at him for a heartbeat longer and padded away towards the meadow. Dawnstripe had done enough for him. He couldn’t ask her to try and ease him anymore.

He returned to hunting moles, but even if he caught one, he knew it wouldn’t really help the itch he felt.

The more days went by, the more sure he was that his father really had been right all along. Moor running wasn’t satisfying him, but he didn’t know what would. Perhaps his persistent dreams were telling him that. Whether he was chasing or being chased, he always felt helpless and useless, and he never saved any cat he saw being buried. Running did him no good. He was just never fast enough.

***

Talltail returned to camp in a bad mood. Cloudrunner and Redclaw were unimpressed with him as well. He’d gotten carried away in the team hunt and missed Cloudrunner’s signal to him. He had been so sure that he would have been able to catch that rabbit on his own if he’d just been a little faster. But it had outpaced him and he’d accidentally driven it away from the other two, so the patrol returned with nothing. However short Talltail was with Cloudrunner who had been passive-aggressively scolding him the whole way home, he was more frustrated with himself. He avoided hunting in teams as much as possible these days for a reason.

To make matters worse, Woollycloud was waiting for him, offering him a friendly smile, but his bushy tail swished anxiously. Here we go, Talltail thought with a subtle eye-roll.

“No luck?” Woollycloud mewed sympathetically. “Well, every cat has bad days.”

“I seem to have a lot of bad days lately.” Talltail mumbled to himself.

“Are you...doing alright Talltail? Dawnstripe tells me you’ve been distracted on team hunts lately and…”

“I understand. I’ll take more solo hunts by myself to make up for it.”

“That’s not what I mean. She’s worried is all.”

“There’s nothing to worry over. I suppose I’m just not as good a hunter as I used to be.”

“You’re not ageing Talltail.” Woollycloud was clearly trying very hard to keep his tone light. “I only get the feeling… events from the past still weigh on you.”

“I really don’t want to talk about it again Woollycloud.” Talltail said through gritted teeth.

Why was the old tom always badgering him? Couldn’t he be occupied enough with badgering Palebird? He was always trying to coax her into hunts or games. But Talltail didn’t want to be treated like a fragile mouse.

“I know things have changed very quickly in WindClan. Three moons may not be enough time to recover from a particularly hard passing but--”

“No, maybe it’s not!” Talltail snapped.

It was always going to come flooding out if he kept getting bothered by some cat. Talltail was a badly built dam ready to burst apart when the current edged one more branch out of place. “Maybe it is for you, to just forget everything my father worked for, let Heatherstar erase it all and just go on like none of it mattered and do nothing about it, but it’s not so easy for me to ignore. It’s not fair. You may be content to lie around and take advantage of Palebird while she can barely feed herself, but I have other things I wish I could focus on!”

Woollycloud flattened his ears. His eyes widened with hurt and Talltail instantly felt a fresh wave of guilt crash over him. That was so unfair! How could you say something like that!? Woollycloud wasn’t conniving, and he would never try to take advantage of any cat. Palebird had lost her best friend and mate on the same day. He was trying to be there for a grieving clanmate however she needed, StarClan knew she needed something, and Talltail certainly wasn’t helping. But he was too angry to take it back, he just wanted Woollycloud to leave him alone and not bother with him anymore. Maybe hurting his feelings was the only thing that would make him see that.

“I just want to help you, Talltail,” Woollycloud's voice cracked.

“Well I can’t be helped! I was always taught that when something goes wrong, I need to do something to fix it. I can’t fix Heatherstar, and I can’t fix the state of the clan. Nothing I do will be enough. You know, It’s not fair for a cat to do something horrible, and then just be allowed to go off and live their life happily, with no one acknowledging what was done wrong. It’s not right, I don’t care what any cat says. I can’t sleep anymore! Something must be done.”

He whipped around to stalk away, leaving Woollycloud standing there. The old tunneler didn’t come after him again. Talltail stopped and stared at his paws as his own words sunk in, he hadn’t dwelled on the thoughts directly but saying them aloud, it made sense. It was the only loose end he couldn’t ever tie up here.

When he lay awake in camp that night, he could not make himself lift his eyes to face the stars. He did not know what he was afraid to see, but he couldn’t do it all the same. The pinpoints of light reminded him of the gaze of that terrible creature in his dream by the Moonstone. That stupid, confusing dream...But it came to him there in the walls of Mothermouth, it couldn’t have meant nothing. With all the time available to him for his mind to wander, he traced his memory back to the nursery tale that had triggered one of his first memorable night terrors. It was a silly story, clearly an exaggerated telling. But all clan stories came from something, and all of them had meaning buried within. It was about a cat that had returned from the brink of death and all he brought with him was rot, rot eating him from the inside out. He became first a nuisance, and then a real hazard to all of his clanmates. Talltail remembered the desecrated remains of the unstable stone-skinned cat of his dreams, how the very moor wilted and died under its careless touch.

If it was for the best that he left, if he could bring his clan no real good, then let that destructive potential at least be turned on some cat that deserved it.

Maybe that was what it all meant. The restless emptiness he felt... Maybe he could fill it with something else. For just a moment it was snuffed out and replaced with burning fury; the thing that had offered to fill the hollow feeling in his chest before when he sometimes spotted the rogue in his dreams. Cold claws pressed against the hole inside him. This time Talltail did not try to chase it away or suppress it. It wasn’t enough to simply hope that StarClan could punish a cat that had run beyond their skies... Someone had to do more.

The moor itself had felt strange and hostile for moons. This idea had already taken root in the back of his mind long ago, ever since he woke up to watch the visitor leave from camp, and again the night he got his name, but he’d been too hesitant. Trying, and failing, to be the best warrior wasn’t working. But this was a new direction. Something to look forward to, better than the useless nothing he saw for himself otherwise, dragging himself through day after pointless day. And he’d hold onto this new light as long as he needed to. He could sink his claws into it and hold himself up. It wasn’t just an option, it was the only option.

“Talltail…”

Talltail looked up. It was Woollycloud again. He’d still been watching him, debating trying to approach a second time. Despite everything, he was persistent as ever.

“I don’t want to push, I really don’t,” he said, eyes tired and pleading. “Please, if you would just talk to some cat, maybe not me, but--”

“I will Woollycloud.” Talltail replied quickly.

His tone was surprisingly lighter. It was easier to muster up a more falsely positive tone, as the relief that came from having a new direction in sight washed over him. This had to be what these restless feelings were pointing to. He was sure Sandstone would agree.

“I promise.” Talltail insisted when Woollycloud eyed him suspiciously, “I know how to make it better. I’m sorry, really I am, for having been such a pain. I owe you a lot. I promise I didn’t mean what I said earlier. I want you to look after my mother.``

“W-what? I mean, thank you Talltail, but...”

“I’ll go talk with Heatherstar. Thank you.” He said and quickly padded off, leaving Woollycloud again to stare after him.

***

Talltail had to quickly admit to himself that speaking to Heatherstar was a lie. He’d just watched Plumclaw stomp away from a discussion with their leader about which tunnels they were allowed to keep open. Heatherstar didn’t look happy herself, but she was firm on the matter. Talltail couldn’t help feeling some frustration towards her as well, for not allowing him to try and uphold his fathers legacy. But who are you kidding? His little voice in his ear hissed, Even if she had let you try, you would have made a mess of things. Heatherstar was protective of her ruling, aware not every cat was happy about it. The last thing she’d want to hear about was a warrior thinking of leaving, so soon after swearing his warriors oath.

As he stood there facing her den, a rumbling raspy voice made Talltail jump.

“Are you looking for council with our leader, or are you going to stand there like a moon-struck hare all day?”

Hawkheart was lying in the shadow of an overhanging stone, watching Talltail with his dark yellow gaze.

“I…” Talltail stuttered, “N-No. No, I was just spacing out.”

“Hm.” Hawkheart sounded unconvinced. “Well make up your mind. Doubt left to fester can be dangerous. WindClan needs warriors who know where they belong.”

Talltail stared at the old medicine cat. His words felt too pointed to be without meaning, as if he knew what was on his mind. Perhaps he’d agreed with Talltail’s feelings all along. Hawkheart wanting him to leave wouldn’t surprise him.

“Why?” challenge creeped into Talltail’s voice, “Do you know what I would want to ask her about?”

“Not exactly, no.” Hawkheart purred, as rough and unfriendly as a purr could be, “I don’t actually know everything. I just have unusually reliable hunches. I’m not going to tell you what to do. But you’d better make some decision. Don’t just stand there with your paws rooted to the ground forever. Cats are starting to look at you funny.”

Talltail looked over his shoulder and saw Heatherstar had glanced in his direction. She blinked questioningly at him, as he stood a couple fox-lengths from her den. He dipped his head to her awkwardly and turned away.

He was never going to get Heatherstar’s blessing. It was foolish to try. He didn’t have the guts to tell her to her face what he was planning to do, because he had to do it no matter what she said. No worthy warrior would think of it, but he never felt like a worthy warrior to begin with. Perhaps the faster he did what he wanted to do, the faster she could forget about him. If WindClan continued on when they lost two great and noble warriors in Sandstone and Brackenwing...then losing one like him was nothing they could not move on from. He padded away.

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#cw depression #cw self loathing #FRU29 #chapter 29

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yelena-bellova · 4 years ago

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Instinct: Din Djarin x Reader - Chapter Three

Chapter Three: Unexplainable

Series Masterlist

Plot: Mando and Y/n run into unexpected complications when trying to leave Arvala-7.

Warnings: violence, enemies to slightly tolerable partners, more backstory teasing, the slowest of slow burns continued 🔥

Word Count: 6.0k

A/N: I’m not used to writing slow burn and even as a writer I’m frustrated. Like I’m having to hold back and tell myself “not yet...” I’m just not built for this shit 🙈 Anyways, enjoy! I’ll be sitting in the corner in fetal position trying to recover from this week’s episode...

————

Silence seemed to be the founding principle of mine and Mando’s partnership. Not a word had been spoken between us since we’d killed the IG unit and taken the child. I hadn’t taken issue with the absence of words exchanged before our discovery, but now I had questions and wanted to know if he was asking himself the same ones.

“Do you have any idea what Imps would want with a child?” I finally asked during our walk back through the valleys.

“No,” he answered flatly, I could tell by his tone that he didn’t want there to be any further conversation. He’d ended his singular acknowledgement of my presence with a razor sharp period. Talking time was effectively over.

We continued our walk back to the ship with the only noise being the squishing of our boots in the mud. It was then that I realized even the harmless lizards that had been wandering the path with us had gone quiet. Mando and I both stopped in our tracks and looked around our general vicinity, my hands hovering my weapons just waiting…

Quicker than I could anticipate, a Trandoshan leapt out from behind a rock and swung a vibro-axe. Mando and I ducked out of the way just in time, he made a point of kicking the pod that contained the child out of harm’s way. The Trandoshan went after Mando before he did me which was his first mistake. While Mando fended him off using his own armor, I came up on our attacker from behind. Slipping my vibroblade out of my gauntlet, I reached around his neck and slit his throat. On cue, two more Trandoshans jumped down from the rocks. Mando pulled out his pulse rifle and started fighting one off while I dodged the other. As far as weapons went, I was outmatched. But skill? No one could top me.

After narrowly dodging a swing of the axe, I dropped down quickly and made a slice in the Trandoshan’s calf. He let out a pained cry just before I made an identical cut in his other leg. Popping back up to my full height, I slammed my head into his and watched him struggle to keep his balance. Reaching one of my holsters, I pulled out my blaster and shot him through the chest. I turned to see Mando aiming his pulse rifle at the attacker who was running toward the child. He fired a shot and the Trandoshan exploded before my eyes. Both of us looked around to make sure there were no more coming, a familiar beeping sound turned my attention to the ground.

A tracking fob.

“Does everyone have one of these things?” I commented, holstering my blaster and sheathing my blade.

“Guess so,” answered Mando as he crushed the device under his boot, “We’re not going to make it back to the Crest before nightfall. We’ll set up camp somewhere when the suns begin to set.” ————

Another thing I discovered quickly about the Mandalorian: he was the stubbornest being I’d ever had the displeasure of meeting.

We were sitting atop one of the hills with the suns setting in the distance. Our camp wasn’t much, it was a lantern and the three of us. I was finishing a ration bar listening to the stifled groans of my partner as he cauterized a wound he’d gotten during the fight. We were on the third minute of the self preformed medical procedure and I wasn’t sure if I could take any more of the sounds.

“I’ve got a medpack on me, bacta and stitch supplies. It’ll hurt less than the mutilation you’re doing to yourself,” I nodded towards the reddened wound site.

“I’m fine,” he gritted out, continuing the cauterizing and trying to bite back his cries of pain.

A dry chuckle tumbled from my lips, “Are you that difficult that just cause you don’t like me you’re going to inflict more pain on yourself than necessary?”

Ceasing his actions, he turned to me quickly. “I don’t need your help,” he barked, staring me down and trying to intimidate me to look away first.

I wasn’t backing down as I twisted my body to face him. “You really are an asshole, aren’t you? Offer’s revoked, buddy. Get infected and die for all I care. It’ll mean a bigger bounty for me.”

After my last sentence had ended, Mando unsheathed the vibroblade strapped to his leg and rolled towards me. Just as fast, I pulled out my own and the knifes clashed. Mando was hanging over me and had pulled my free arm up over my head before I’d known what was happening. With his beskar armor, overpowering him would be more difficult but not impossible. I kneed him hard in the groin and he let out a sharp cry, I shifted my weight to roll him on his back and straddled his waist. Mando pushed harder against my blade till my grip weakened and it flew out of my hand. I wriggled my wrist out of his grasp and took hold of both his, slamming them above his head as he’d done to me. After a few seconds of struggling against one another, he managed to get the upper hand once again. He rolled both of us so that he once again hovered over me, his helmet so close to my face that if I breathed on it the visor would fog. My legs were still locked around his waist as we grappled against each other, grunts and groans escaping both of us. Had it been anyone else, I’d have made a suggestive joke about the position we were in. But not him, not for all the credits in the galaxy…

Mando had dropped his knife at some point during the skirmish, the only weapon we had now was our respective hatred of one another. The strange thing was that neither of us were fighting to kill. It felt more like trying to assert dominance over the other. I fought against the grip he’d somehow regained around my wrists, eventually freeing one of them and landing a punch against his unprotected chest. He let out an ‘oof’ and I used the element of surprise to my advantage. I punched once more before using every ounce of energy left in me to shove him off and free my body. He landed in the sand next to me on his back, both of us lay there attempting to catch our breath. A mutual concession to one anther. He was strong, I’d give him that, and as skilled a fighter as the legends had said. If he had fought to kill me, even I could admit that my chances of survival were slim.

As I lay panting, I turned my head to see the child had gotten out of its pod. It had waddled his way in between me and Mando with its eyes focused on the latter’s wounded arm. I carefully watched as it extended its hand out towards Mando’s cauterized cut, it shut its eyes as if it was in deep concentration….

Mando covered its small green palm with his own and picked it up, he walked it back to the pod and placed it in. I wiped the thin layer of sweat from my brow and pushed myself up into a sitting position. I didn’t spare the Mandalorian any glances, I simply stretched my arm out to retrieve my knife before turning my back to him.

At the sound of the child’s trills, I turned back around to see it’d escaped the pod again. Mando picked it up once more and set it back where it belonged. I watched the two of them stare at one another before Mando pressed a button on his gauntlet that shut the pod’s doors. “I’m leaving at dawn with or without you,” Mando addressed me gruffly, walking back to his designated spot in the sand and returning to repairing his armor.

I knew that if I give an equally rude response, I’d only be starting another fight and I was too sore for round two. Swallowing every remark I wished to verbally slap him with, I removed my jacket and bunched it up into a makeshift pillow. I laid my head on top of it and turned on my side to try and get some sleep. One more day, I thought, one more day and then you’ll never have to deal with him again…

————

The next morning was tense as we made our way back to the Razor Crest. The only content member of our party was the child who babbled and cooed its way through the journey.

When we got to where Mando had parked the ship, a surprise was waiting for us. A large sandcrawler was parked next to the Razor Crest, which looked like it belonged in a junkyard rather than in the skies.

“You’ve got to be kidding me…” I muttered in frustration, “Jawas.” Mando sprung into action and kneeled down, pulse rifle in hand. After scoping out the scene, he aimed the weapon and vaporized one of the Jawas. He continued firing shots, driving them deeper into their flurry of panic. They quickly scurried back into their vehicle and began to slowly crawl away.

“C’mon,” Mando grumbled and we took off after the thieves, the child’s pod in tow and programmed to follow.

Mando kneeled and took another shot with the rifle that did absolutely nothing to slow them down. I kept running and he caught up quickly with me, once we were running in tandem with the vehicle, he leapt and grabbed onto a service ladder. He began to climb it and I latched onto the bars directly below his feet. As we climbed, I felt the sandcrawler drift to the side and turned my head to see that we were about to be crushed by a rockface. There was no time for both me and Mando to climb to safety so I did the first thing that came to mind and let go.

I fell the short distance to the ground and landed harshly on my back in the narrow gap between the sandcrawler’s wheels and the rockface. I rolled to my side and coughed away the dust around me before scrambling to my feet. As the child’s pod passed me, it looked back with concern etched in its small features. I started running once again and made a point of gesturing to the child that I was okay. I could see from a distance that various object were falling onto a still moving Mando, who had climbed up half the vehicle. He was walking up the side of it aided by his grappling hook, but as soon as he’d made it to the top he promptly fell. It was a much larger distance between him and the ground than the one I’d crossed and unexpected worry flooded me. I picked up my pace and dropped to my knees when I came to his body. He’d been shot with something, probably an ion blaster, because there was electricity running through his armor. I didn’t dare touch him for fear of getting shocked.

“Mando, wake up,” I prompted, knowing it would be of no use without touching him, “C’mon, wake up.” The child cooed from nearby, the same worry in its face that it’d had for me moments ago. Its ears lowered in sadness as it looked at Mando laid out.

“He’ll be okay,” I said out of nowhere, not knowing whether or not it was true, “He’ll just be out for a while.”

I decided to let the shocks through his armor die down before shaking him awake, which took several minutes. All the while I found myself concerned for the wellbeing of the man I’d wished death on the night before. The long and short of it was that if he died, I had no chance of getting off the planet and would end up being killed by another hunter with a fob. As much as I hated to admit it, I needed the Mandalorian.

Once the electricity died down, I grabbed both of his shoulders and gently shook him. “Mando, c’mon, wake up. Wake up.” He awoke slowly, the slight tilt of his head and grunt from his modulator being the only signs. I removed my hands from his body immediately and sat down in the sand next to him.

“How long was I out?” he asked groggily.

“Twenty minutes maybe,” I answered, “They shocked you something awful, your armor was glowing blue the whole time.” “They get away?”

I rubbed my aching back as I replied, “There wasn’t much I could do to stop them. I’m good but I’m not that good.” “Can I get it in writing that you admitted that?” Mando asked, tilting his helmet in my direction. There was a dry type of humor laced in his voice that at any other moment would have made me laugh.

“Don’t make me regret not leaving you here to rust,” I pointed a finger towards his helmet as I rose to my feet. Contradicting my cruel words, I extended my hand to help him up which he surprisingly accepted. He stumbled a little as he stood, I was there to push him back up before he fell. We both looked over to the child whose worry for us had faded into observation.

“Let’s get back to the ship, see what damage they did,” Mando said, shaking off the supportive grasp I had on his arm.

————

They’d stripped the ship almost in its entirety. Every weapon was gone, the engines were busted, the ship was emitting sparks in every crevice and corner.

The decision to find our way back to Kuiil’s was an easy one. Though it was an exhausting journey that took up the entire day, we didn’t have any other choice. We needed help.

When we arrived at sunset, Kuiil didn’t need to turn around to know we were in his presence. “I thought you two were dead.” “Came close,” I responded, “Now we’re just stranded.” After he brought food and drinks out, which I was in desperate need of after our day long journey, I let the child out of the pod. I wasn’t sure what it was capable of doing so I kept a careful eye on it. It didn’t seem interested in anything other than chasing a frog.

“This is what was causing all the fuss?” Kuiil asked, staring down at it.

“We think it’s a child,” Mando said, fiddling with his screwed up armor.

“It is better to deliver it alive, then,” Kuiil said as he passed us.

“My ship has been destroyed, we’re trapped here,” Mando stated.” “Stripped, not destroyed,” Kuiil corrected as he handed Mando a tool, “The Jawas steal, they don’t destroy.

“It doesn’t matter, either way we’re stuck here,” I commented, swirling around the last bit of liquid in my glass.

“They’re protected by their crawling fortress,” Mando said, “There’s no way to recover the parts.” I smirked at the opportunity to correct him on the name of the ‘crawling fortress’ but decided to let it go. I wasn’t any happier than he was about being stranded.

“You can trade,” Kuiil suggested. “With Jawas? Are you out of your mind?” Mando asked in disbelief. “I will take you to them,” Kuiil said as he retook the tool from Mando, “I have spoken.” Mando and I shared a look as if running the plan by each other, I shrugged and downed the last of my drink. We weren’t exactly in a place where we could pick about our options.

“Hey,” Mando barked in the child’s direction, “Spit that out.” I turned to see the child swallowing a frog whole, burping afterwards in delight. This is definitely not what I signed up for, I thought

————

We journeyed through the rainy night, me, Mando and the child in a cart pulled by Kuiil on one of the blurrgs. We arrived in the morning at the sandcrawler with Kuiil taking a more diplomatic portion and giving them a friendly greeting.

“They really don’t like you two for some reason,” Kuiil commented.

“He disintegrated a couple of their friends,” I replied, glancing toward Mando who was seated at my side.

“You need to drop your rifle,” Kuiil ordered.

“I’m a Mandalorian, weapons are a part of my religion,” Mando contested.

“Then you are not getting your parts back,” Kuiil stated matter-of-factly.

I sighed in frustration, “Can they not be a part of your religion for a couple minutes? The sooner we get the parts, the sooner we get back to Nevarro and the sooner we go our separate ways.” Now that was enough to make him lay down his rifle with little hesitation. If mutual hatred was what lit a fire under him, then I was more then willing to stoke it.

Mando and I got out of the cart but before we got any further, one of the Jawas aimed their ion blaster at both of us. Kuiil looked us over and found the problem, “You both need to get rid of your blasters.”

As easy as it was for me to ask Mando to get rid of his, I hesitated in letting my own go. Of course, this earned me a tilt of his helmeted head and a snide remark. “The sooner we get the parts, the sooner-“ “Oh, can it, rust bucket,” I mumbled as we tossed our blasters into the cart.

Kuiil gestured for us to follow him so we could negotiate with the Jawas. We took our seats across from them and Kuiil began to translate. “They will trade all the parts for the beskar.”

“I’m not going to trade anything,” Mando’s voice began to rise, “These are my parts, they stole them from me.”

I didn’t speak Jawa but I could tell by their tone that whatever they said to Mando was snippy. He tried to reply in their language but it came out broken and all they did was laugh in reply.

“You understand this?” Mando raised his arm and flames shot forth out of one of his gauntlets, sending the Jawas diving for the ground.

“Whoa. Easy, easy…” Kuiil said calmly as he pulled Mando’s arm back. I had a feeling that nothing ever rattled the ugnaught. He continued translating between the parties. When the Jawas rose and eyed our cart, Mando and I both turned quickly. Two of them were closing in on the child.

“Get away from it!” we both yelled in perfect synchrony. They obeyed immediately but that didn’t stop me from eyeing them until they were back in front of us.

Kuiil conversed with the Jawas further until Mando managed to make out some words. “The egg? What egg?”

On cue, the Jawas began chanting the same two words over and over. Whatever egg was in question, I had a feeling that we were about to get up close and personal with it.

————

The task was simple, or so it sounded. Mando and I were to go and retrieve the mysterious egg and in return the Jawas would give us the parts back.

As we disembarked the sandcrawler, something told me that however easy we’d been made to believe the excursion would be was not true. It didn’t matter, we needed the parts and there was no other way to get them. My and Mando’s shared desire to return to our separate lives was fueling us both to get the job done as soon as possible.

Where the Jawas had said the egg rested wasn’t terribly far from the sandcrawler. With the child’s pod behind us, we walked up to the cave where it the coveted object supposedly lay.

“Ready?” Mando asked as he adjusted his own gauntlets.

I unholstered my blasters and nodded, “Ready.” We entered the cave with caution, it was dark and impossible to see anything. Mando turned on his flashlight mounted on the side of his helmet and illuminated our path. It didn’t take us long to figure out why my gut feeling that it would be a difficult task was right. There was a soft growl nearby that made our heads swivel around only to come face to face with a mud horn.

“Shit!” I mumbled underneath my breath and our gunfire began bouncing off the walls of the cave. No shot that hit the creature actually succeeding in hurting it, only angering it. It only took a few seconds for the mud horn to rise to its full power and headbutt us out of the cave.

Mando and I were sent flying through the air and landed in the mud outside. Having the armor had protected him somewhat, but nothing was to there to break my fall even slightly. I was almost certain that I’d heard something crack upon impact but couldn’t worry about it. With a groan, I rose to sit alongside Mando who was also trying to collect his bearings. The mud horn came out of its cave and faced us, Mando raised his pulse rifle to fire but couldn’t get it loaded quick enough. The mud horn came charging towards us, I was able to roll away in time to not be hit. Mando wasn’t as lucky, he was violently tossed a few hundred feet back. Just as I looked up, I caught the mud horn with its eyes locked on the child’s pod. It began to charge toward it and instinct took over, I launched my whipcord forward and it wrapped around the mud horn’s horn. At the exact same second, Mando programmed the pod to move away. I was now the mud horn’s target as the whipcord detached from its horn and flew back into my gauntlet. It began to charge toward me once again, except this time I had no plan. All I could do was run. I knew I was playing a losing game, trying to outrun a creature ten times my size…I could hear the mud horn’s growl fast approaching behind me just as I slipped and went face first into the mud. After all the years spent endangering my life, capturing some of the biggest criminals in the galaxy, this was how it ended. My life taken away by a slippery patch of mud.

As I awaited to be split in two by the creature’s horn, I felt a body shield mine followed by the heat of flames. Mando. He’d jumped in to…save me?

The mud horn leaned down and pressed his arm, and consequentially me, further into the mud pit. Mando held firm in his assault and continued to flame the beast. With his weight finally off of me, I rolled onto my back and wiped the mud from my eyes. His flamethrower jammed so he extended his other arm and launched his grappling hook at the mud horn. I grabbed his bicep to pull myself into a sitting position only to be met with our next problem. The mudhorn turned around and began to run in the opposite direction, pulling me and Mando along with it. We were dragged through the mud, sputtering and grunting the whole way. His hand found my arm as we held tight to one another. Flying through the mud with each other was the safest option, we didn’t run the risk of getting trampled.

Think, think, think of something…I thought. Doesn’t have to be great, just something that doesn’t result in immediate death.

Without thinking, I shot my whipcord out and it attached to the mud horn. I let go of Mando’s arm and grabbed my cord, hoping that he could put together what I was trying to do. He did. We both found our footing and dug our boots into the ground, trying to slow the creature down. To no avail, the cords snapped and the two of us went rolling through the mud. I wiped the substance from my face to see Mando had landed a few feet away from me. The mudhorn was getting ready to charge again in our direction. I scrambled to my feet, unsure of what I was planning to do. I was helpless to watch as the creature rammed its horn against Mando, sending him flying through the air.

“Mando!” I yelled, running as fast as my weary legs could carry me. Why? I couldn’t say. I couldn’t stand him, wouldn’t have cared if he’d have dropped dead in the middle of the desert earlier in the day. But in that moment, the hatred that came so easily to me left my body entirely and was replaced with the unexplainable need to save him. I dropped to my knees and slid towards him in the mud, his armor crackling blue once again.

“C’mon, get up,” I urged, gripping both of his shoulders tightly, “Get up, c’mon, we’re not done.” He didn’t verbally respond, just gave a groan as he struggled to sit up. I was so focused on helping him that I’d forgotten about my own exhaustion for a moment. I didn’t know how I was going to stand, let alone fight. Mando was able to make it onto one knee while I couldn’t find to strength to get off of both mine. He’d also had the semblance of mind to pull his vibroblade from his boot, looking to me and silently telling me to do the same. I reached for mine with a shaky hand and unsheathed it, raising it up alongside Mando’s. It was a sad last stand to take, but neither of us could go down without a fight. I scrunched my eyes shut, knowing death was imminent was enough. I didn’t need to see it charging towards me.

When the attack didn’t come, I hesitantly opened one eye. What I saw was…indescribable.

The mud horn was levitating, roaring relentlessly, and unable to harm us.

Mando rose to his feet and extended his hand down to me, pulling me up to my unsteady feet. At the first wobble, he threw his arm around my waist to keep me upright. I needed the support, much as I hated to admit it. We got closer to the mud horn to examine what exactly was happening. The thing didn’t have wings, there was no explanation for it. Through my blurry vision, I looked around us for the child realizing that it’d escaped my mind briefly. But when my eyes found the pod, it was clear that it was the one causing the unbelievable sensation. With its eyes closed in concentration and its hand extended, it was somehow causing the mud horn to float in the air.

“Wh…What?” I whispered breathlessly.

After a few seconds, the child passed out from exhaustion and fell back in its pod. As it did, the mud horn dropped back to the ground and roared in our faces. Mando and I didn’t need to communicate to form a plan of what to do. We both rammed our knives into the side of the beast’s skull, dropping to the ground in a heap afterwards. It roared once more before falling, the impact causing Mando’s weight to collapse further onto me. His body was once again shielding me. When we heard no noise coming from the mud horn, he sat up and freed me to get a look at the creature. Pulling each other up, we slowly walked over to examine the body. I knew it was dead, but I didn’t object to Mando stabbing it once more with our knives before handing mine back to me. We stood there, catching our breath before turning to assess the child. We limped to the pod to see it twitching ever so slightly in its sleep. I had never seen anything like the act it’d performed, it had saved our lives.

We silently watched it until Mando broke the silence, “You okay?” “I think so,” I breathed, turning my gaze to his muddy, battered self a once over, “You?”

“Fine,” he responded, the condition of his armor begged to differ, “C’mon, we still gotta get this egg.” ————

The journey back took longer than our departure, what with us having the combined strength of a child. And definitely not the child we had trailing behind us…

“Mando! Y/n!” Kuiil cried as he saw us coming towards him. “We’ve got it,” Mando announced, the tire in his voice was audible, “We’ve got the egg.” The Jawas all scurried to surround us and take the fuzzy egg from Mando’s hands. They cheered and sliced it opening, revealing a gooey substance that they all maniacally feasted on. Mando and I made our way to Kuiil, “I’m surprised you waited,” Mando said. “I’m surprised you two took so long,” Kuiil quipped before turning around and getting ready to load up the cart.

The Jawas held true to their word and returned all the parts they’d taken from the Razor Crest. The four of us rode back as the suns were starting to set, me and Mando sitting back to back on a crate watching the child carefully. It hadn’t moved in a while, a tiny bit of concern invading my mind.

“Is it still sleeping?” Kuiil asked from his position on the blurrg.

I reached out to shake the pod gently, the child responded with a soft inhale and movement of his lips. “Yes,” Mando answered as he watched me.

“Was it injured?” Kuiil inquired further, we’d explained to him what had happened as best we could. We didn’t even understand it which made it harder to describe to a third party.

“I don’t think so, not physically,” Mando said, his head never turning from the pod. Kuiil sighed, “Explain it to me again. I still don’t understand what happened.”

I shook my head as I replayed the surreal moment in my mind, my eyes trained on the child, “Neither do we. I’ve never seen anything like it.”

No, that seemed like an understatement. I had never seen anything even in the same realm of mysterious and odd sensations. It seemed like a moment out of a child’s storybook yet it was as real as the surefire death the kid had saved Mando and I from. The curious part of me wanted to ask Mando if he was questioning the phenomenon as much as I was. But I knew I wasn’t likely to get an answer out of him comprised of more than a disinterested syllable or two so it would be wasted effort.

When we get back to Nevarro, none of this will matter anyway, I thought.

It was dark by the time we got back to the Razor Crest. Kuiil volunteered to stay and help us with repairs and with three sets of hands, it went faster than expected. By morning, the three of us were in the cockpit conducting a successful test on the engines.

“I can’t thank you enough,” Mando said as we stood by the ramp of the ship with Kuiil, “Please allow us to give you a portion of the reward.”

This time, I was okay with Mando freely giving away our credits. “Yes, you saved our asses several times these past two days. Please take the money.” The ugnught shook his head firmly, “I cannot accept. You are my guests, and I am therefore in your service.” As Kuiil packed up, Mando paced around the exit of the ship. “I could use a crew member of your ability, and I can pay handsomely.” I leaned against the wall of the ship, watching the exchange. Mando wasn’t my cup of spotchka, but him and Kuiil seemed to have a much better repartee than the two of us. If they travelled together, it would work well.

“I am honored,” Kuiil said sincerely, “But I have worked a lifetime to finally be free of servitude.”

“I understand,” Mando nodded, “Then all I can offer is my thanks.” “And I offer mine,” Kuiil gestured outside the ship, “Thank you both for bringing peace to my valley.”

With a nod to both of us, Kuiil departed the ship. I pushed off the wall to stand next to Mando and watched the unnnaught mount his blurrg. “And good luck with the child,” Kuiil waved to us, “May it survive and bring you a handsome reward. I have spoken.” I chuckled softly to myself at his farewell greeting and gave him a nod, there wasn’t a plethora of kindness in the galaxy, but Kuiil? He was one of the good ones, a dying breed.

“Let’s get going,” Mando said, pressing the button that retracted the ramp and shut the doors.

We silently made our way up the ladder and into the cockpit with the pod following Mando’s gauntlet’s programming. I took my seat in the chair behind the pod and watched as Mando powered up the ship. Before we took off, Kuiil, who was still seated outside, gave us a final wave. With that, we were finally back on track to Nevarro.

Once the course had been set, Mando turned around and copied my posture. Hunched over and watching the child peacefully sleep. What Kuiil said had gotten into my head, may it survive…May it survive. What if what it did for us had exhausted it to the point of death? For a split second I wasn’t thinking of any bounty, only the child.

“Think it’ll wake up?” I blurted out, my mind having turned off as I watched the steady rise and fall of its chest.

Mando shook the pod gently, trying to wake it. “I don’t know,” he said quietly before facing forward in his seat and adjusting a few switches.

Add dependably non-hyperverbal to the list of qualities the Mandalorian possessed. I sat back in my seat, unsure of why our lack of communication suddenly bothered me.

Just as I settled into my chair, a coo came from the pod. Before my body knew what it was doing, I sat up straight and came face to face with the child’s big black eyes. It seemed alright on the surface, no visible signs of exhaustion or any injury.

“Hey,” I called to Mando, who only tilted his head slightly in response, “We’ve got our answer.”

He finally turned around fully to see the child, not saying a word but clearly examining it with the same attention I did. Sometimes you didn’t need to see someone’s face to know exactly what was going on in their head. Something told me that Mando was as curious as I was, just better at hiding it. He looked over to me and gave me a once over, “You should use the refresher before we get to Nevarro.”

I looked down at myself, I had forgotten for a few seconds that I was still caked in dry mud from the day before. Suddenly I felt disgusting and had no issue with following Mando’s suggestion. Silently I rose from my seat and headed out of the cockpit, but not before taking one last look at the child. Its eyes were trained on me as I prepared to leave the room, there was something about its stare that caused every thought in my head to cease. There was nothing but innocence and wonder, something so pure that no one as cruel as a bounty hunter was ever on the receiving end of. I began to squirm under its gaze, feeling emotions rise in my chest that I wasn’t used to. I hurried down the ladder and towards the sanisteamer, in sudden need to be as far away from the kid as possible.

I knew exactly why it bothered me.

Flashbacks of events prior to my life in the guild were coming, I could feel them. Over the years I’d gotten good at controlling them or at least being able to work through them, but this was different. The emotions were working their way through my body until lodging themselves firmly in my chest. Feeling the constricting, I hurried to grab my spare set of clothes out of my bag and made a sprint for the sanisteamer.

Only then, when I knew nobody was around me, did I allow the familiar panic to wash over my body.

--------

A/N: Next chapter is where things really take off so prepare yourselves...Let me know if you’d like to be tagged!

Taglist: @toribentleyvq @pan-ini @simp-for-corpse @thefandomzoneisdangerous @never-no-locomotive

(Just now realizing I didn’t add this to the other chapters 🙈) Star Wars Permanent Taglist: @paintballkid711 @katrynec @caswinchester2000 @theliterarymess @softly-sad

#din djarin imagine #din djarin x reader #the mandalorian imagine #the mandalorian x reader

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smolthealmighty · 4 years ago

Text

Spinaraki Week Level 2 Day 1: Chase

Give Myself To You

When Spinner had the idea to visit his hometown and show off his old hideaways to Tomura, he thought it would be romantic. He could turn these sad places where he went to cry into secluded havens where he could spend some quality alone time with the love of his life, and do something he's wanted to do since their third date. He was not expecting a neon orange pickup truck to interrupt the date by hurtling towards them at high speed.

In which Spinner's old bullies want to run him over with their truck, Tomura wants to beat the shit out of them for daring to try, and Spinner just wants to pop the question.

~~~~~

This was not how this date was supposed go. Spinner just wanted to show his boyfriend around his hometown, give him a tour of all the isolated spots he would hide away in before he eventually shut himself up inside the Iguchi house. It was gonna be a nice romantic getaway, where the places he associated with some of his worst memories could be re-contextualized as he turned them into secluded little havens where he could woo his boyfriend –and eventually propose to him– in peace.

There they were, sitting together at the edge of the forest that semi-surrounded the town, watching the sun start to set over the hilly meadow that lay below them. Tomura was fully relaxed for once, leaning heavily on his boyfriend as he reminisced about the utter disaster that was the one time they tried to go clubbing, while Spinner was mustering up his courage and fidgeting with the rings in his jacket’s pocket. Just as he turned to face Tomura and was about to start the speech he had been revising in his mind since –admittedly– their third date, he saw the unmistakable neon orange pickup truck that belonged to Spinner’s worst nightmares, Nōtarin, Iyaga, and Rase, speeding in the background. And the truck was gunning straight for them!

“Oh no.”

“Hm, what do you mean ‘oh no’?” asked Tomura, who also uttered an “oh no” once Spinner pointed towards the truck that was now only a hundred meters away. With reflexes that were still etched into his bones after years of dealing with the trio, Spinner clutched his boyfriend close and launched the both of them down the hill in a barrel roll, barely missing the thick tires of the truck as it blew past them.

“What the hell was that shit?” yelled Tomura, as Spinner shot up, grabbed his hand, and lead them towards one of the few trees that dotted the meadow.

“Those are the assholes I told you about, the ones who always went after me. One of them must’ve seen me and recognized me, and now they’re picking back up from where we last left off!”

“You last left off with them trying to turn you into roadkill?!”

As they ducked into the hollow, a chorus of brash voices with heavy country accents boomed across the meadow.

“Shuichi, you purse designer’s wet dream! Why don’t you let us mount your lizard head to the wall like the hunting trophy you are!”

“Nōtarin, I saw someone with him, hey gecko geek, do you mind if we mount your friend too?”

“Damn Iyaga, keep it in your pants. Though to be fair, compared to talon-hands you’d probably be a better fit!”

At this point Tomura was already struggling against Spinner to march out of the hollow and wreak vengeance. “C’mon Spinner, I’ll mount their heads on our base’s wall!”

“Would you just gimme a sec to cool down a bit?!” Tomura relented and stopped squirming, letting Spinner hold him as he tried to stop trembling.

“Ugh, I swear, they always know how to get under my skin. And I really thought I’d be over them by now.”

Tomura turned to face Spinner and squeezed him back, taking his boyfriend’s scaly beak and pressing it into his scarred neck. “You’ll be alright. You’re just a little stuck, I’m right here if you need a push you know.”

Spinner sighed as he nuzzled the curve of Tomura’s shoulder. “I know I’m not the pinnacle of dating material but damn, people can have different tastes.”

Tomura snorted, “Oh please, as if those hillbilly bitches know anything about ‘good taste’. If your loyalty and empathy for empty husks like me aren’t enough to prove ‘em wrong, then you having the muscles to be able to wield a giant ‘fuck you’ sword should’ve done the job. The fact they can’t see any of that just shows that their IQ scores are all in the negatives.”

Looking up and seeing Tomura’s self-assured smile, the smile graced his face whenever he was so sure that he was right, knowing that he truly believed that his boyfriend was really all that, melted Spinner’s heart into a puddle of goo.

“Marry me.”

Maybe melted it a little too much.

“Huh?”

Realizing what just came out of his mouth, Spinner blushed violently and tried to start some damage control. “Uh shoot I mean um-”

“Hey Nōtarin, let’s ram into that tree! I think I hear them over there!”

Hearing that brought Spinner back to his senses, and he dragged Tomura out of the hollow, Nōtarin swerving just enough to only nick one of the headlights off the truck before resuming the chase.

“Son of a bitch, I had it all planned out and I messed it up!”

“Had what planned out?” asked Tomura, still in a whirl from what he was pretty sure he heard Spinner blurt just seconds ago.

“You know what, it’s fine, I’ll just do it on the fly. Follow me!”

They booked it across the meadow, Spinner weaving them around the hidden hills and valleys camouflaged beneath the waist-high grass. The truck kept slowly gaining on them, but the constant bangs and thumps of the truck bouncing against the uneven ground and the arguing between the driver and his passengers betrayed how little the tormentors knew about the terrain.

“Dammit, stay still you lizard-fuck!”

“Nah, let him keep running. Makes the chase more exciting!”

“Maybe if you’d gotten your driver’s license, you’d actually be able to hit him Nōtarin!”

“Fuck off Rase!”

Jumping over a particularly thick mud puddle, Spinner finally began the speech that had been previously interrupted.

“I’m sure you already know that I fell for you pretty fast-”

“Understatement of the year, but I’m not one to talk.”

The neon orange paint was splattered with mud, with the new coat of brown getting bigger as the wheels spun, sluggishly making its way through the puddle.

Spinner laughed breathlessly as he continued, “-yeah, and I don’t think I’ll ever be able put how much the love you gave me in return means to me into words. I couldn’t do it even if the ocean was made of ink and the earth was paper, it just wouldn’t be enough.”

“Shuichi…”

“And, well, since I can’t use words, I thought I’d show my devotion with some kind of gift, but I don’t really have much to give you except myself. Still, I’ll give that to you for the rest of my life if you want it.”

By this point they had stopped just a few feet in front of a moss-covered boulder, one that blended in with the green grass and was in the direct pathway of the truck that continued driving towards them at top speed.

Ignoring the oncoming truck, Spinner took Tomura’s other hand into his own, and softly asked, “Tomura, will you marry me?”

The truck hit the rock, skyrocketing up and over the couple. The screams of the driver and his passengers fell on deaf ears as Tomura gazed into bright, cherry-petal eyes and answered the proposal:

“You’re more than enough for me, you’re more than I could ever dream of asking for. Of course I’ll marry you.”

Not even a moment after he accepted, a loud crash echoed across the meadow as the truck collided with the ground, flipping over as it did so. The bullies were quick to exit the wreck and make their way towards the still lovestruck duo to attack them. It was a farce from the start, the newly established fiancés barely paying them any attention as they began to brawl.

“Look at you all smiley and shit,” said Tomura as he kicked Rase across the field.

“Why wouldn’t I be all smiles? I’m gonna get to marry to the love of my life! You should see your face right now, looks like your smile’s gonna split your face in two with how big it is!” exclaimed Spinner, dodging Nōtarin’s sluggish punches with ease.

“Touché, fiancé. I bet you’ve already got a plan for everything that comes next, you gooey romantic.”

“Well, I was thinking we could have a small ceremony, just us and the league. Nothing too fancy, we’d just do the vows, ring exchange, ‘I do’s’, and sealing it with a kiss, all within fifteen minutes tops. That way we can splurge on the reception, the best music-” Nōtarin screamed as his arm was sliced by Spinner’s hunting knife.

“-the most delicious food and drinks-” Nōtarin gurgled as the knife ran through his neck.

“-and a cake so big that’ll make everyone sick. We’d just have to grab someone to officiate the thing and make it official.”

“We can get Giran to do it, he’s got just enough connections that he could make it happen.” Iyaga howled as his chest caved in.

“And for the honeymoon, I was thinking about taking a joyride on the coastline. We could stock up the van and make stops at all the beaches, and maybe get rid of a few heroes along the way if we’re up for it.”

“That sounds good to me, I’m certainly looking forward to having some fun alone time to ourselves!” Tomura cried happily, as Rase joined Iyaga in the pile of dust that lay at his feet.

By the time they came down from the high of the fight, the sun was dipping below the tree line, Tomura and Spinner sprawled out next to each other on the bloodstained earth.

“Ah shit,” said Tomura, “I just realized that there goes my future date idea of murdering your hometown bullies.”

Spinner chuckled at his fiancé’s annoyed tone, “That’s okay, we only murdered a couple of them. Next time we can take down the town leaders who encouraged everything, make a day out of it.”

“Hmm, alright, but I’m planning it. It’s only fair.”

Satisfied, Spinner let out a sigh before suddenly sitting up. “Oh right, I gotcha these,” he said as he pulled the rings out of his pocket.

“It’s just a pair of those plastic rings from the arcade we went to a while back, but I figure we’re not gonna wear these for too long because they’re just engagement rings. We can rob a jewelry store together to pick out the wedding rings.”

“Sounds perfect,” said Tomura, as they each took turns slipping the rings onto each other’s fingers. Taking a second to let the presence of a ring on his finger sink in, Tomura smiled and said, “I don’t think I’ve ever been more grateful that Re-Destro only snapped off my first three fingers.”

“Well, that’s one way to say you’re happy to be engaged,” Spinner joked.

“Hm. Then I’ll say it more romantically, just for you.” This time, it was Tomura who took Spinner’s hands into his own as he spoke his piece:

“Shuichi, you are one thing in this world that I could never hate, and the only person I will ever promise myself to. I’ll do whatever it takes to give you the life you want to live. I love you, and I’ll continue to love you until the stars grow cold, and even after that.”

If that speech hadn’t already swept Spinner off his feet, then the deep kiss Tomura initiated sent his heart skyward with how much it fluttered. When they both came down to earth, they went about flipping the thoroughly beat-up truck right side up, and as the last rays of sunlight disappeared beneath the horizon, the newly engaged couple drove off into the ink and lavender sky.

#SpinarakiWeekLevel2 #SpinarakiWeek2021 #spinaraki #shigaraki tomura #spinner #shuichi iguchi #smol’s stuff #smol's stories

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