#I need to rewatch it and just take notes like analyze everything about it <- normal person way of having interests | Explore Tumblr posts and blogs

bluestarjay · 2 months ago

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AHHHHHH OKOK SORRY but here's the platonic autistic bkdk fic I mentioned! umm it's a little over 3000 words, maybe 3100-3200? So it's kinda long but wtv. Warning it is a little bit cringey bc they do use modern gen alpha slang a little bit but I tried to do it in a kind of ironic funny way I swear guys ughhh OH BTW there is a very tiny bit of kamideku!! it is simply implied and by no means needs to be romantic it can easily be a platonic relationship + some awkwardness and teasing.

Enjoy though!

"Hi Kaachan!" "Shut the fuck up, nerd." "Oh! Uhm, ok!"

Midoriya walked a few feet behind Bakugo, because he would yell at him if he didn't. Classes had just ended, and they were on their way back to the dorms.

Normally, Izuku would study with Iida and Uraraka, but Kaachan had asked, or rather demanded, that they study together instead. Neither of them needed it, they both knew that. They were both in the top 5 of their classes grades, and the only reason either one ever bothered to go through the material again was for the sake of their friends. Bakugo would never admit it, of course, but he had friends, and he didn't want them to fail.

When it was just the two of them like this, it was easier for Izuku to let loose. Katsuki's crude humor had partially rubbed off on him over the years, and Izuku would never act that way around his friends. Not that he felt like he couldn't be himself around them! He loved his friends, and most of the time, it was actually easier to be himself with them than with Kaachan. It was more so that he had subconsciously become more like Katsuki when they were together. There had always been a part of Izuku that wondered if he did that because he was actually comfortable with being sassy or arrogant or mean, or if it was just because he thought Katsuki would like him more if he was more like him. Regardless, their relationship had become less strained in the past year, especially since they had fought, and Izuku had learned exactly how Kaachan felt. He realized then that they were more alike than they thought.

…..

Not many other people had realized how similar they were either. Kaachan liked to analyze quirks, too. He just did it in his head. As much as they both liked the way the user fought or used the quirk, how it worked, how it could be improved, etc, Izuku also liked the note-taking aspect. He liked the feeling of the pen in his hand, the way the paper felt beneath his calloused fingers. He liked drawing pictures and diagrams, labeling things, and putting little sticky tabs all throughout the pages. He liked organizing. Katsuki liked to watch the fight. He never wrote anything down, but just like Izuku, he seemed to entirely memorize the fights he watched, but unlike him, there were few times he willingly rewatched the same fight twice. He didn't need to. He could watch it once and pick apart everything they did wrong; their stances, their combat skills, their strength itself. He understood why the villains lost, why they won. He understood that villains usually lost, not because they were weak, but because they were stupid. They had the power, they just didn't utilize it.

…..

After their fight, they also started hanging out more. Kind of.

It was always under the guise of training or studying or something equally important to both of them. Usually, though, when they hung out like this, they talked about All Might and One For All. When they did, they hung out in Izuku's dorm. There was more All Might merch. Sometimes, though, they'd go to Katsuki's dorm. There was no chance Bakugo would let anyone see his room, aside from Izuku; he found it too embarrassing for anyone to see the All Might shrine on his wall. (But at least his entire room wasn't All Might themed like someone he knew.)

Bakugou's dorm was mostly black, orange, and green; and not because of his costume, but rather because those were just his favorite colors. He wouldn't buy something if they didn't have them in one of his colors. Occasionally he settled for red, and he wouldn't buy green unless it was a deep forest shade. His bed was laden with black sheets, black comforter, a black weighted blanket, and three black pillows; two regular and one throw pillow. He couldn't sleep with just the two and he couldn't sleep with more than three. Three regular pillows were too thick and lumpy; the smaller throw pillow being the perfect balance; perfect for neck support. He was particular with how his bed was set up. The walls were covered in posters, mostly from old pre-quirk era bands and tv shows. Every one was lined up evenly, lest Bakugo throw a tantrum.

Bakugo sat down on his bed, and Izuku sat down on the black desk chair, and set his backpack on the floor (he wasn't allowed to sit on Kaachan's bed). "Hey Kaachan, did you see that new interview All Might did? It was sooo cool, right? It was funny, wasn't it?" "Yeah, of course I did, nerd." "But it was, wasn't it?" "It's All Might, of fuckin' course it was cool! Everything All Might does is cool!" Izuku giggled, "Well, except for telling jokes..." Bakugou huffed out a laugh. "Yeah, 'How did the chicken cross the road? By going plus ultra!!' His jokes are so lame! Like what the fuck does that even mean?!" "Kaachan, don't be mean! At least he's trying his best!" "Whatever... What'd you think of that new release of All Might blind boxes? I like the holographic and pearlescent ones, but that flocked one is fucking stupid. I hate flocked shit. It feels so gross! They fucked up his face too. He may be in his 60s, but he does not have that many wrinkles. That's like if I drew you with 86 freckles instead of 43." "Why do you know how many freckles I have." "Because I count your freckles whenever I'm bored and don't have shit to do." "Oh! Uhm... that's nice? I think? That's not an insult is it?" "Why the fuck would I tell you that as an insult, Deku? That's a lame ass insult…" Bakugo’s face was twisted into something bellicose. He even started cracking his knuckles, as if to say, ‘say one more stupid thing and I'll blast you to hell.’ "Right. Right, sorry…” Izuku quieted for a moment before abruptly gasping. “Oh my god, do you remember how All Might brought me WcDonald’s last week? Did you see that someone posted a video of All Might at the counter? I feel so special and nobody even knows it!" "Yeah, why'd he do that anyways? Why would All Might buy you WcDonald’s? Goddamn big back… Aren't you supposed to be the next symbol of peace? How are you gonna be the number one hero if you're constantly eating fuckin' WcDonald’s?" "Kaachan, that's mean!! Before last week the last time I had WcDonald’s was when I was like 10! God, you're not very skibidi today, Kaachan..." He mumbled. "WHAT DID YOU SAY YOU SHITTY DEKU???" Izuku started laughing while Bakugou threw a slew of threats and insults at him. It reminded him of an easier time, somehow, before they got their quirks, and before Kaachan started bullying him.

(Izuku's sense of humor wasn't initially his, either, he realized. He'd started hanging out with Kaminari more recently, who'd started using “brainrot” terms as vocal stims, but Izuku did the same thing; so Kaminari's vocal stims became his vocal stims. Then, he started using them in his daily language. And now they were here.)

…..

“Kaachan, did I ever tell you about Sir Nighteye’s office? The whole, 'you-have-to-make-him-laugh’ thing? And the 10th anniversary poster?” “I think you mentioned the posters. I don't know what the hell the laughing thing is about.” “Oh my God, ok, so, Togata-san told me that the only way Sir Nighteye would accept me was if I made him laugh, but he's like, reeeeally emotionally constipated, like Todoroki almost, so making him laugh is really hard, but since he was such a big All Might fan, I was like, ‘oh, I'll do my All Might impression’ but he was actually mad because it wasn't accurate and he felt offended, but the joke was on him because I was replicating the look All Might had in the interview after the Vinegar Riverbank Incident, y’know, from when that boy was drowning in the river, but his quirk turned the water into vinegar and All Might got it in his eyes when he went in to rescue him so his signature smile was a tad bit more strained than usual? Well, when I told Sir Nighteye he felt kind of ashamed that he hadn’t noticed but he was also kind of —I don’t know— proud? That I had actually remembered the incident and was even able to replicate All Might’s face and he laughed just a little bit and he let me work with him!” “Of course you know how to replicate All Might’s, like, most obscure smile ever, you autistic nerd.” There was silence for just a moment. “Kaachan, you're autistic too…” “Ok, and? Fuck's your point?” Izuku giggled at his— Friend? Brother? Former bully? Classmate? Honestly, he wasn't even sure what they were at that point—.

…..

Izuku spun around in the chair, taking a deep breath and sighing contentedly. Bakugou's room constantly smelled of caramel because of his quirk, but most people didn't know that the hint of cinnamon that was traced there was not actually part of his quirk, but rather the scent of Spiced Cinnamon and Vanilla from Scrub and Skin Works.

The Midoriya and Bakugo families had once gone to the mall together when the children were still young and friends, and auntie Inko wanted to pick up a new fragrance from the store. But while Izuku had somewhat enjoyed the different smells of candles and soaps, Katsuki had just about thrown up. His senses had always been much more delicate than Izuku's. But his own mother had bought a candle too, Spiced Cinnamon and Vanilla. It had a perfect and delicious smell (it did not, however, taste delicious. He licked it. He does not recommend it.), and he always owned two at a time so that he would have a backup for when his current one ran out. He didn't buy anything from the store other than his signature candle. That was his scent. He wouldn't buy any fruity shit or pine or sandalwood; only Spiced Cinnamon and Vanilla. And he never went into the store, either. He would either order it online or have someone pick it up for him. Usually that meant his mom, Deku, or Eijirou, because none of them minded being his lackey every once in a while.

Really, Katsuki didn't go to the mall in general. He hated crowds, especially noisy ones, and he didn't like wasting his time in check-out lines and crowded food courts. The school cafeteria was bad enough, why would he willingly torture himself outside of school? As loud as his quirk was, his ears were built to withstand the volume and pressure of his explosions, but not much else. That's why it hurt sometimes when his ears popped and he’d fall victim to tinnitus. Aside from when he created explosions, loud noises fucked with his ears big time. The psychiatrist who evaluated him for autism had noticed he also had non-quirk related sensory issues, like his aversion to certain smells. It was probably because he was so used to his house smelling like caramel due to their similar quirks that not smelling it made him feel uncomfortable and itchy and out of place. Caramel was familiar. Safe. His mom's incredible spicy curry? Familiar. Safe. Black, orange, and green? Familiar. Safe. And as much as he hated to admit it, Deku was familiar and safe too.

…..

The pair continued chatting for probably another 20 minutes before someone started knocking on the door. “Yooo, Bakugo? Dinner’s ready; you should probably come down and eat. Or we can bring some food up if you want, that’s cool too.” Kaminari. “Yeah, yeah, we’re coming, Sparky.” Bakugo opened the door, which Kaminari just so happened to have been leaning on and coincidentally lost his balance and stumbled. He looked at Bakugo with wide eyes before glancing over to see Midoriya. Upon noticing him, he smiled despite his embarrassed, reddened face and waved, “Hi, Mido-Kun! There’s dinner for you too, of course. We were all wondering where you were. We probably should’ve guessed you two would be together…” He laughed awkwardly, to which Izuku returned the gesture. “Oh my god, can you two dumbasses stop fucking around and flirting? I’m hungry.”

…..

Perhaps just U.A as a whole was familiar and safe.

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blackthorn-faerie · 1 year ago

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I’m rewatching Good Omens 2, but I’m analyzing it and taking notes this time (I need to know everything). Here’s what I have for episode 1!!

Episode 1

- “Oh, I can. I’m very good at forgiveness. It’s one of my favourite things.” S2E1 9:57

- Gabriel shows up at Aziraphale’s bookshop bc he forgot everything when he got in the elevator. He was gonna take it to hell to find Beelzebub, but he accidentally took it to Earth. Dirty Donkey is across the street from A.Z. Fell and Co, which is a familiar (and angelic) location. Could probably sense that it was a safe space for him to be

- Michael was on the phone with Beelzebub

- The fly can be seen crawling on the box just before Aziraphale goes to pick it up

- “Gayyyyybriel” 20:56

- “Out of his mouth go burning lamps, and sparks of fire leap out” Job 41:19 (written on matchbox)

- When Maggie calls him an angel, he says “nothing of the sort”

- Distancing himself from heaven? He’s no longer an angel?

- Or is it like all the times he claimed he and Crowley weren’t friends/didn’t know each other?

- Is he telling the truth or lying bc he’s scared of the repercussions?

- “Doing good again, angel?” “Oh it hardly counts. A purely selfish action.” (24:40)

- He’s no longer working for heaven, so he’s not obligated to do good. Crowley appears to be teasing him in a “don’t you wanna go apeshit?” kinda way.

- He now has to justify his good deeds by saying they’re for selfish reasons.

- Like Crowley has all along

- Does he see himself as a demon now?

- Like in the Job minisode when he thought he was going to fall for lying?

- Or is he just hella anxious bc of naked Gabriel in his bookshop?

- Nina immediately getting defensive when Maggie gives her the LP

- Says she doesn’t have anything to play it on, which is true, but it’s also a refusal of the gift

- Immediately tries to turn the conversation professional/tries to get Maggie to order

- Then brings up her partner/how controlling she is

- It’s an unspoken “please don’t do extra things for me bc my partner won’t like it”

- Obsessed with the fact that “Jim” doesn’t know literally anything, but found a duster and was like “ooh hell yeah I’m gonna deep clean this place”

- Why is it that they only communicate when they’re arguing?

- Aziraphale really likes suggesting that the only way to solve arguments is for them to separate

- Communicate and then compromise omg

- Crowley can summon lightning

- Why was this never brought up again?

- It might fall under the broad “they’re more powerful than heaven and hell realize” category

- But it’s a big thing, you’d think it’d be brought up again

- But y’know, it’s a plot device for Maggie and Nina’s fanfiction moment

- Michael and Uriel’s power struggle

- Michael’s all “we’re equal, I’m just a little more equal than you”

- Uriel’s all “this is bullshit, why can’t I give the orders too”

- Saraqael is all “shut tf up, you both suck, there are important things to deal with”

- The archangels not only see humans as vastly inferior, they see all the other angels as such too

- And the angels know it too

- Muriel introducing themself as “no one”

- Beelzebub is literally all “Crowley you could have my job if you find my himbo bf for me”

- Extreme sanctions

- “That isn’t actually a thing. That’s just something we used to joke about to frighten the cherubs” (35:37)

- Why doesn’t Crowley know about the Book of Life?? He was a high ranking angel (throne, dominion, or above), why doesn’t he know about the “extreme sanctions”?

- I think the Book of Life is just a bluff

- Nina’s “why not?” when Maggie says she doesn’t drink

- Bracing herself for a sob story or a “it’s so not good for you” type of lecture

- “Good Old Fashioned Lover Boy”

- IT SKIPS OVER “DINING AT THE RITZ”

- I AM UNWELL

- God I hate the fact that Lindsay didn’t go to Give Me Coffee or Give Me Death to check on Nina

- “Worried texts from Lindsay” nope, she’s not worried, she’s abusive

- Why is “a proper apology a humiliating dance?

- Don’t get me wrong, I love the dance, but PLEASE COMMUNICATE OMG

- Zira did the dance in 1650, 1793, 1941

- Crowley cut him off, was he gonna list more times????

- CROWLEY IM BEGGING YOU TELL AZIRAPHALE ABOUT THE EXTREME SANCTIONS

- He hasn’t told Aziraphale that he’s still in touch with hell

- He regularly meets with Shax (EDIT: He does tell Aziraphale about Shax, so he knows that much)

- Didn’t tell Zira about Beelzebub showing up in his car

- It’s almost like he’s not willing to let go of the way things used to be (/s)

- And feels guilty that he’s still in touch with Hell, but Zira isn’t in touch with Heaven

- Jim is visibly upset that they won’t talk to him and they instead talk down to him or talk about him right in front of him

- Was the miracle so strong bc Crowley and Aziraphale together are super fucking strong or because Jim accidentally helped?

- While I love Zira and Crowley together being strong, and the whole point of them being underestimated by Heaven and Hell, I think the latter would be funny

- It’s like Shadwell with his finger

- It could also be another way of tricking Heaven and He’ll like the body swap

- They already think they’re super powerful bc of the body swap, this would add to it

- Probably why the Metatron wanted them either to be split or together on his side

- Doin Mackichan and Gloria Obianyo slayed as Michael and Uriel

- I love the way that Heaven matches the modernity of Earth

- Uriel’s “smartphone” and their clothes

#good omens spoilers #good omens 2 spoilers #good omens season 2 #good omens analysis #analyzing good omens bc I am neurodivergent and cannot think of anything else #lmk if you want me to elaborate on anything #i have so many thoughts #no thoughts only them #aziraphale #crowley #nina good omens #maggie good omens #uriel #archangel gabriel #archangel michael #saraquel #slay

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snacksizedgates · 3 years ago

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El "Jane" Hopper — Independence, Selflessness and Male Trauma, A Character Analysis

Hello again. As you may know, I typically post Byler analyses and I also posted that I was working on a Mike Wheeler post but along the way of rewatching and rewatching, it became clear to me that El is the character that truly needs to be understood here, not just in regards to everything I have said in my posts, but in regards to her entire place in the show and who she represents. She is such an important character and I'm so excited to analyze her!

**So to my Byler readers: READ THIS ONE! I know you may only be interested in anything that "proves" Byler but I promise you that reading this will give you a clearer understanding of how El is the central character in this love triangle and how she's the one who holds the power in it, not Mike or Will. It's very purposeful that they made Mike her love interest.**

But without further ado, El Hopper:

I think El is such an important character on the show because her arc represents the trauma a lot of women deal with at the hands of men. And I don't want to make this post about men, this is not my intention, I want to make that very very clear, but I think for many women world wide our lives are heavily impacted by how men treat us, intentionally or unintentionally. So I think it's so important this story was told and El is an amazing character to tell it through because she is the embodiment of being independent her entire life. Also, please note that I love all the women on the show and they contribute to this theme in all types of ways as well, but this post is simply about El!

Independence And Intelligence, The Basis of Her Character

From the very beginning we know El is extraordinarily independent and strong; this is something that can never be misinterpreted because physically she's capable of a lot more than most and what sets her apart from 95% of the rest of the women on the show. But she's also emotionally and intellectually strong as well; she not only is able to endure many years of captivity and brainwash, she's able to free herself from that captivity at the mere of age of 11? 12? She's not as naïve as the some would like you to believe; when the boys find her, they suggest telling their parents, which is obviously reasonable. But El knows better, even if she doesn't know "They're going to take me to CPS" she knows telling an adult will lead to her getting taken back to the bad men. She's keen. She also points Will out of the pictures, indicating she has a big heart and would be willing to help them find Will, even though she doesn't have to even clue them in on any of it. Obviously narratively it helps the story along but it also indicates that she's a good person with empathy; she's emotionally intelligent even though she has not been lent the same empathy in most of her life. Not only is she able to care for herself but she saves the characters each season; In season one, she kills the demogorgan, in season two she closes the gate, in season three she fights til she can no longer fight and in season four she banishes Vecna. This proves that El isn't just the most independent character in the series, she's also the most selfless, constantly pushing herself to her limits in order to save the rest.

People would also like you to believe that she was/is completely unaware of social cues and norms. Which yes, there is definitely a lot she didn't pick up on because of her environment, but she's not completely unaware. In the first season she looks at the picture of Nancy and calls her "pretty", meaning she's knows what girls typically look like in society and may or may not want to look that way too. When she steals eggos, she knows she has to use her powers to get away because she has no money and she looks like a lost child. In season three, she doesn't automatically believe what Mike says about nana - she goes to Max because she knows something is off, even without a lot of social interactions and examples. All of this shows that she's a very perceptive character and understands other people a lot more than you think she does when you first watch it. The fact that she can go and find people in her mind also represents that she's very perceptive to others even if the main story line would like you to think otherwise. She's also very smart and finds other creative ways to describe what she wants to say. Despite knowing nothing about DnD yet she's able to use the game pieces and board to convey where Will is. She has survival skills. At Benny's she gets out of there as quickly as she can. Before that, she only tells him as little as possible in order to get food. She understands what he's saying and could answer "yes" or "no" but didn't. Most children would if they had been lost in the woods and homeless. Furthermore, she survives in the woods for presumably at least a little while, while it's freezing out. She finds food and warmth. She doesn't need someone else to come and save her, even though Hopper does. Further along in S2 she goes off entirely on her own in the Lost Sister episodes and is confident that she can survive out there by herself; she knows to some degree how independent she is. In season three, when Jonathan is trying to remove the creature from her leg, she tells him to stop and does it herself - she is completely capable on her own and knows how to survive without anyone else and there are plenty of examples of it throughout the show.

So now we have established that El is the most independent character on the show. But what we haven't talked about is if El views herself that way - which she doesn't. Of course to some degree she knows she is because of her powers and is seen by the risks that she takes but she still has codependency issues because of Papa, which is what we will see her come out of in S5.

Male Trauma

El ends up having three main males in her life: Brenner, Hopper and Mike. Now at first glance they all seem like completely different characters, and they are, yet they hold similairities when it comes to El's life and expericences with them. Now hear me out because I know that may sound insane. Hopper and Brenner? Alike? Mike like either of them?

However, there are clear and distinct parallels between them. Hopper and Mike actually truly care for El and that's why it makes the dynamics difficult for not only El but also us; it's harder to see.

So we know Brenner keeps El locked up her entire childhood. He's not outwardly sadistic towards her majority of the time though. He has a gentle voice, he pretends he's helping her with her powers rather than reducing her to a lab experiment, he convinces her that he protects her, calls her daughter and refers to himself as her Papa, etc. We as an audience can see how sadistic his behavior is but El herself doesn't fully understand until years of abuse and even after she escapes she still struggles with it, because it's all she knows until the of 12. That's a long time to go in an atypical abusive environment. Because she doesn't fully understand him being a bad person she has conflicting feelings for him. Her relationship with Brenner sets the tone for all of her relationships with other men; confusing poor treatment with love, fearing they don't love her for her but for her powers, fearing they're scared of her for her powers, fearing they're not telling the truth, etc.

Hopper, on the other hand, clearly cares for her, and we as the audience know it. El knows it. We know he keeps her inside to protect her, and in the beginning El understands this too. Even as season two progresses she on some level understands it's for her protection. But at the same time she is still a child and has been locked inside a house for a year now. This clearly resembles her previous situation, at least to her. She's heard lies from Brenner before, contradictions; and now it feels like she's hearing them from Hopper too. That he's the one keeping her locked away this time. She knows it's obviously different but to her, to this child who's emotions are only just beginning to develop into her own, it's confusing and on top of that she doesn't want to be locked away anymore. She even compares Hopper directly to Papa, indicating she definitely does have a difficult time fully understanding the difference in their behavior. Another parallel that is formed between Brenner and Hopper is when Hopper says "I protect, I feed, I teach" which is essentially exactly what Brenner did/claimed to do and what El perceives Brenner's actions as. Furthermore, once the tensions get to a point and Hopper and El begin to fight, El begins using her powers to express her anger. Hopper exclaims "What the hell is wrong with you?!" which can parallel what we figure out Brenner says to her in S4; "What did you do?" indicating she used her powers for bad and it makes her a bad person. What other character also says this to her? Mike, after she's hit Angela, this time not even using her powers, just reinforcing to her headspace that she's a bad person, this time with or without powers. This line/theme that is said to El throughout the show also reinforces the fear that the people, specifically the males, in her life are afraid of her because of her powers. Not only that but Hopper, in their fight, exclaims he can send her back to the lab, indicating to her (remember, a child) that as soon as she becomes difficult, she's to be given up on. I love Hopper and he's only saying it in the heat of the moment but he's also talking to a child who interprets, internalizes and connects things differently than an adult does. It's similar to her relationship with Mike, especially in S4; once she has no powers, she feels as though she's recognized a distance in Mike (still not being able to say ily) and that he doesn't love her anymore. She's become too difficult or useless (no powers) so now she's to be given up on (Mike doesn't love her anymore.) This is also why she doesn't tell him about the bullying even knowing he has been bullied and Will already knows; because again, she's become too difficult (Can't defend herself from bullies), and will be given up on (Mike will see me as weak and leave me.) Mike's behavior only strengthens this thought in her mind. It also goes back to her being the most independent and selfless character even if she doesn't realize it; she doesn't want or need Mike to defend her. She doesn't want to be seen as weak, especially by the men in her life, because she perceives her powers as why they love or care for her (Brenner, Mike) or why they took her in (Hopper, Mike).

Both Hopper and Brenner "lock" her away, creating a distinct parallel between them, even if they had completely different intentions. But how do we create this parallel with the last main male in her life, Mike? Well I'm sure a lot of you are aware of the subtext in the scene where Mike puts El in the closet in S1. If you're not, basically he hides her in his closet and the he has a very coming out coded conversation with his mom and many people think this points to him being gay, myself included.

However I feel as though no one has taken a look at the scene in the context of El and what that means for her character. This is yet again another instance where a man locks her away, in reality or metaphorically. In the scene El looks scared and frightened, which narratively reflects the trauma she has from being locked in cells by Brenner, creating a distinct parallel between Mike and Brenner. Obviously we know Mike and Brenner are nothing alike and Mike didn't mean to traumatize her by locking her in there, but it's very symbolic. Essentially, it foreshadows how El is going to feel in their future relationship; locked away inside Mike's secret closet, completely in the dark about what their relationship even is. And Mike, in the subsequent seasons, is totally unaware of this up until a certain point which reflects in how he comes back upstairs and is surprised to find her crying when he finally opens the door. He shouldn't be surprised though;. he already knows she doesn't like to be in closed small rooms because she told him the day before. You could make the argument that he forgot, but it's a script so it's important. He also says something along the lines of "you have to" or "it'll be quick"; can't remember the exact line but something conveying that he knows she doesn't want to go in there but she has to for his sake. Brenner did everything he did to El for his personal gain, not El's. We're not supposed to see the connection in real-time, only in retrospect.

So basically the men in El's life have all treated her similar regardless of their very contrasting personalities. By the time we get to season 4, this shows her that men will hurt her, intentionally or not, no matter how different or better they seem than the last one or the others in her life. The fact that the connections begin in the very first few episodes shows that this is a huge part of her characterization and heavily flows in each and everyone of her seasonal arcs.

In season four, we finally see her starting to let go of Mike, even though she began the season obsessed and heavily emotionally reliant on him. And although I'm sure Hopper and El will always be close, he's right behind her in the last shot, while she's descending downwards on her own, with Mike, Will and Joyce also behind her. This suggest she's not only moving on from Mike, but gaining even more independence from men and her family (Hopper, Joyce, Will). Remember, even though we as the audience know El is incredibly independent in all kinds of ways as I've explained, she has not necessarily understood that throughout all of the seasons, at least not entirely. That's why she clings so closely to Mike or Hopper and why she had trouble letting go of Papa until the very end of S4. It's obviously very reasonable that she would; Mike is her boyfriend and the first person to take her in, Hopper is her true father figure and in S4 she thinks he died, creating even more trauma and codependent issues to arise, and Papa was her very first father figure. But next season, we are going to see an El Hopper who does not need anyone and knows it.

How This Reflects In S4 and Sets Up S5

This brings us to S4, which sets up the precedent for El's final arc in S5.

In S4, we meet El where she has lost the most important male figure she's ever had; Hopper, while simultaneously being separated from the only other main male in her life who has treated her nicely, Mike. She's finally by herself, AND without powers, which gives her the time to finally understand her true self.

When she's being bullied and can't defend herself because of her loss of powers, it reflects how El thinks of herself without powers. That she's weak and can't defend herself. We see that because of her past, she has put her self worth into being a super powered person. Again, pointing to why she doesn't tell Mike. She's embarrassed and doesn't want Mike to see her as worthless now that she can't even defend herself; after SHE used to defend THEM from bullies. Of course this has to affect her self esteem deeply. She's never really been without powers, so at this point she's connected that to not just her entire persona but her value as a person. She thinks it's the sole reason other people are attracted to her, or want to help her.

This is why Mike not being able to say I love you and separate her powers from her as a person is so important to El's arc. While yes it says a lot about how Mike feels, it also says a lot about how El has felt this entire time.

Having her own boyfriend, the person who is supposed to love her no matter what, only see her as the one thing she's been told her entire life is what gives her value, hurts her deeply, especially now that that "value" has been taken away. It hurts her more than people are willing to admit. This is the one person she wants to love her for more than the surface, and he can't.

And she confronts the topic when she has no powers and says "so you don't love me anymore?" indicating that she used to view him as someone who loved her for more than her powers, even though he's never told her that verbally. Now that she doesn't have her powers and he is very obviously not saying I love you (for his own reasons), it reinforces her idea that her powers hold her value. And that's why she goes and gets them back; not because she truly wants them. I'm sure she misses them and wish she had them in certain situations like Angela, but if she had never been offered a solution or a problem (Mike wants me to have powers, my friends in Hawkins are in danger) she wouldn't have tried to find one just to get her powers back. Note that her reasons only strengthen her selflessness. Throughout the entire show she has been incredibly selfless and the journey she goes in in S4 is meant to show how in S5, she's for once going to be thinking about herself (not just being independent but knowing you are.)

This is the catalyst for El finding her true self; and it's only metaphorical that she has to look deep inside her memories for what truly happened, which on the surface seems like it's strictly related to the main plot line with Vecna or getting her powers back. However, it's extremely important for El's character development. She's going back into her mind to understand that she is not the monster, even though that is what she's been intentionally or unintentionally told her entire life, even just a few days ago by her boyfriend. This whole time this is what she has believed and for the first time she's processing her trauma and realizing the truth, that she's so much more than her powers - she's a good person (when she banished One to the Upside Down for the children he murdered). I think the idea that she struggles with knowing she is a good person because of the male treatment she's been subjected to, is further supported by her solo episode, The Lost Sister. Her sister is practically the only one throughout the show who truly shows her the value of her powers and how her powers don't make her bad, they make her strong.

The shaving of her head is also very symbolic of her journey from being independent but not feeling that way into someone who knows how strong she is. For viewers it seemed very traumatic and wrong that they did this, which I definitely agree with narratively. But it's trying to convey that El is going through a rebirth - she's cutting out all of the old and starting fresh again. Cutting the hair off is typically symbolic of this. It also shows that it wasn't her choice but she's going to have to embrace it anyway. It wasn't her choice but it's time she grows out of this cycle she's been in with others, especially men, in her life. And it's only more ironic that presumably men are the one's who cut her hair - they are forcing her to let them go. Mike's behavior is causing El to realize her self worth. Hopper's death is forcing her to confront the reality that she doesn't truly need him and never did, though she may love him deeply. Brenner being the person behind this maximizes the theme to the fullest, because he's where all of her trauma stems from, and we know she is finally able to let him go this season. She's worked through her trauma and is realizing her own independence, how strong she is.

This theme is further emphasized at the very end when she is the only one to descend into the rotting flowers, just coincidentally the same ones Mike, a male in her life, picked for her. The old is rotting away for her, her old self is disintegrating and her new self will rise. Furthermore, she's also wearing all white, which can represent many things like innocence (I wasn't the monster this whole time) and rebirth (now that I know I'm truly good what will I do with that?)

We're going to see a huge, probably amazing, shift in El's character in S4 from feeling dependent to knowing her independence. She isn't going to be paired with anyone and she's going to be a huge character because she'll most likely be more powerful than ever now that she understands herself and how her powers do not give her value. I'm not sure how this will reflect narratively but get ready for an even more bad ass Eleven for the finale season! I'm so excited for her to break away from everything she thinks she needs and grow into her own!!!

#El Hopper #el jane hopper #eleven #stranger things #el hopper character analysis #hopper #brenner #mileven #mike wheeler #byler #stranger things 4 #stranger things 5 #stranger things analysis

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silvysartfulness · 2 years ago

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Salve,

I wanted to start with, I love your story Heaven Has A Road But No One Walks It. I wanted to ask a question not really to do with it.

I was wondering, how do you write for Xue Yang? Like what is the process?

I'm currently trying to write multiple fanfics with him in it, but I suck dialogue and it's a "thing" of mine to try and write as close to the character as possible, while also getting them to do what I need/want them to do.

I was wondering how you go about writing for his character.

Thank you so much - I'm very flattered you like Heaven Has A Road so much! 💚

As for your question, hmm...

My writing process is very much based on immersion, to "step inside" the characters and try to see the world through their eyes, feel what they feel, think as they think, see what would be the logical thing for them do do or say in any given situation. And of course the first step in being able to do that (and to write any character well, to be honest) is to understand them.

Which may seem obvious, but can also be more complicated than just liking a character and wanting to write them!

The first step for me whenever I hyperfocus on a new character(s) is to gather all the information I can about them. Watch and rewatch canon. Listen to interviews and the actors talking about how they approached the role/ character. For The Untamed, I also read most of the other adaptations (MDZS, the manhua and donghua) etc. Just... collecting everything said about the character and the world that is their context.

Next step is to analyze it (which to be fair, for me, goes hand in hand with the information collecting stage) to figure out why the character acts the way they do, given the information we have!

Only once you have a very deep understanding (and a healthy bunch of headcanons and personal guesses!) for what makes the character act the way they do, can you apply that pattern onto new situations in a way that makes the character's actions seem reasonable.

For Xue Yang, the process went something as follows

Observations: Xue Yang has problems with empathy and parsing emotion, his own and others', in general. He's prone to lash out, and will hurt others without remorse. He hides his true emotions behind a grin. He is restless and animated, even in scenes where he stands or sits still. The few times we've seen genuine emotion is when he talks about the childhood trauma of losing his finger, and when Xiao Xingchen rejects his story and so by extension, him.

Both the Untamed and the book tell us that he's a brilliant inventor (MDZS described him as the only one who could give the Jin the demonic cultivation knowledge they wanted, the Untamed has WangXian's suspicions immediately jump to him while speculating who could possibly have recreated the Yin Tiger Seal.)

He kept a low profile those years in Yi City, only tricking Xiao Xingchen to hurt people as part of his revenge plan in the beginning, and then just... settling down. Seemingly happy. And finally giving up the last 7-8 years of his life to try to undo Xiao Xingchen's death.

Translations make it hard to get a good grasp on his speech pattern, but again, taking in different adaptations and different subtitles helps in narrowing down what he's actually saying, giving something to build upon. He's described as being witty, he uses puns, is often very direct to the point of rude even when he's happy. It's a start.

Analysis: A lot of Xue Yang's issues go back to his childhood trauma. He "had no parents or money" and was forced to deal with the horrific abuse inflicted on him by a powerful nobleman all on his own. For a child that small, and an injury that bad, it would have been life-threatening. His is a trauma-shaped personality.

He's highly intelligent, sought after by the Wen and Jin both, the only one able to decipher Wei Wuxian's notes.

He chases thrills and highs, often to extremes, but when offered stability and kind encouragement, he settles down. The fact that he spends the rest of his life trying to recreate that life in Yi City shows he really treasured having that, possibly for the first time in his life.

As far as we can tell, he's the only character in the show we see use demonic cultivation and spiritual cultivation simultaneously.

Headcanons and theories: Xue Yang has ADHD. You can see it in his physical restlessness, as well as his brilliant outside-the-box way of thinking. He also struggles with Cluster B personality disorder issues (antisocial and borderline personality, more specifically) caused and/or exacerbated by his childhood lack of family, and the physical trauma he suffered (issues including contempt for authorities, risk-seeking behaviour, lack of empathy and remorse, criminal lifestyle, violent outbursts, abandonment issues, alexitymia and difficulty grasping and reacting to emotions in both himself and others). He also suffers from chronic pain - crushing is one of the most severe kinds of physical trauma, and will mess up not only the bones that he described as all broken, but nerves and tendons as well. There's very little chance he would have escaped having his hand crushed without permanent damage and pain.

Having been bitterly abused by the world, he lashes out in turn, reveling in cruelty and violence and the sense of power it gives him, the feeling of never being vulnerable again. But when shown patience, kindness, fondness... He treasures it. He can't fully grasp it, but he yearns for it, for the sense of connection he's never had, for the stability, discovering healthier coping mechanisms and outlets than all he had before... Finding someone who accepts him as he is. That life becomes so important to him that when he loses it, he can never move on, only wasting away in a dead city, trying desperately to get it all back.

At a surface glance, Xue Yang is careless, cruel and laughing at the world. Underneath, he's full of restless rage and resentment. And under that... he is afraid.

He can't admit that, even to himself, but a lot of what he does is about proving to himself that no one can hurt him again, and if they do, at least he's not afraid. Wang Haoxuan said in one interview that Xiao Xingchen not only made Xue Yang feel loved but protected, and that really hit me hard. Because that's really it. His life in Yi City didn't just make him feel happy. It made him feel safe. Maybe for the first time since he was that sunny, carefree child.

So having mapped out this solid character profile and what mechanisms lie beneath his actions, I can go on and put him in any number of other scenarios and be able to guess pretty well how he might react!

Does he feel threatened? He always strikes out at any perceived threat with disproportionate force to neutralize it before it can hurt him. Is he happy? He can be very dedicated to the people important to him. Is he sad? He can't parse his own emotions very well - when Wei Wuxian confronts him about why he wants Xiao Xingchen back, he refuses to admit it is because he misses him, even if that might have actually won him more sympathy and a better chance to get Wei Wuxian's help - instead he sneers and maintains it's just so he can keep tormenting him. A lot of strong emotions just translate to "feeling something weird... must be rage" for Xue Yang.

I have some more Xue Yang analysis meta posts scattered around my tumblr blog - I don't have links handy, but if you just scroll my xue yang tag, you should be able to find them. Meta about his relationship with food/hunger is one, another is a more in-depth analysis of his trauma-shaped personality and personality disorders, and yet another of his only perceived worth being tied to his usefulness.

Long rambly response, but I hope it can be of some help! 😁👍

#asksilvy #xue yang #the happy songxuexiao roadtrip story

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citowon · 4 years ago

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spring troupe and gender neutral s/o watch horror movies

about time i finally write for this blog... i was hit with the image of masumi watching a horror movie with his s/o, thought how lovely it would be if there was content of that, then realized i have that power now

word count: 1,935

tags: established relationship, non-detailed mentions of horror themes (gore, monsters, etc)

sakuya sakuma

🌸 when the topic of a horror movie date first comes up, he’s a bit scared. he��s only seen a couple, one of which was for mankai play research.

🌸 when it’s actually showing, though, he’s pretty calm! the anticipation was the worst part, and he somehow doesn’t get scared even during the most terrifying movie of the year. he’s great at reminding himself it’s just fictional in the end

🌸 vampires? not scary. aliens? he thinks they’re cute! gore? well, yeah, it’s unnerving at first but it’s all fake, and once he reminds himself of that he’s fine

🌸 he gets scared at the littlest things though. there might be a continuity error where a knife is in its holder on the counter in one shot and then removed the next, and no one in the movie acknowledges it nor is it supposed to mean anything but he can and will psych himself out thinking about just what moved it

🌸 king of predicting plot twists! he might be very good at spotting continuity errors, but he’s even better at picking out little bits of foreshadowing and putting together the mystery

🌸 gets spooked the most by jumpscares. every time he squeaks a bit (on really bad ones he might scream) and every time he always does the same embarrassed sigh afterwards and goes to squeeze your hand to calm himself

🌸 psychological horror is definitely the best pick for sakuya. he thinks a lot about what’ll happen next in the movie and loves to discuss about movies with you regardless of the genre, so with thought-provoking psychological films it fits him like a glove

🌸 and hey, if things ever get too intense he loves b-list horror movies! he thinks the bad acting is endearing and always finds something to compliment even with the trashiest, corniest flick

🌸 if you ever get uncomfortable, he might commentate in the movie and try to poke fun at it- i mean, the killer clown is kind of funny! look how bright and colorful it is compared to the rest of the set! he keeps his voice light and sunny so you have something comforting to concentrate on

masumi usui

🎧 he loves the idea of horror night. cuddling with you, holding you protectively as the suspense rises, stealing kisses to distract you from the monster and erase your fear...

🎧 he’s only seen a few horror movies in his life, less than the fingers he has on one hand, but whatever. it’s a movie. it’s not real. if he got too immersed he could just tell himself it’s fake and be done with it.

🎧 spoiler alert: he didn’t.

🎧 masumi did not, and i repeat, did NOT expect to get so invested??? even if you’re scared, he’s definitely the most terrified

🎧 that’s not to say he’ll show it. he’s doing everything to keep a neutral face, and you’ll probably assume he’s holding to you tighter during the scary parts like he’s protecting you.

🎧 (it’s actually because you’re the one [1] thing grounding him. you’re protecting him, not the other way around! in hindsight, he likes being cared for even when he thought he’d be the one spoiling you, not the other way around. he just wishes it didn’t have to be during such a scary movie, that’s all)

🎧 will take his fear to the grave... unless you ask him directly about it. please hold him and tell him the monsters aren’t real, even though he’s a heavy sleeper he will stay up until 3 am, his mind reminding him how creepy the movie was every time he’s about to drift off

🎧 so does not fuck with ghosts, if he didn’t believe in them before he certainly does now. the poor guy looks up how to ward away spirits and ends up carrying around a salt packet on him for the next two weeks

tsuzuru minagi

📖 tsuzuru’s not exactly a horror fan. he claims it’s brainless and pointless

📖 (admittedly he’s a little scared of them, but he still thinks they’re dependent on shock alone, and have zero rewatch value since the writing is more focused on in-the-moment spooks than actual plot.)

📖 he’ll roll his eyes and tease you a little but eventually he’ll go along with watching a horror movie

📖 to psych himself out of his fear tsuzuru decides to watch them critically and note what plot points to do (or more likely not to do) for future plays

📖 this works out for the beginning but by the middle of the movie he’s enraptured. he can’t tell if it’s actually good or if it’s a car wreck he can’t help but watch

📖 does the corny move where he yawns and wraps an arm around you, and you’d almost buy it from his earlier cynicism but then the killer shows their face and he tenses up like hell and you just know

📖 gets embarrassed every time he’s scared- he even turns pink, and gets even redder if you try to hold his hand or cuddle him closer (even though there’s nothing he’d want more after something that creepy)

📖 by the end he’s got a few new ideas that might go to autumn or winter troupe’s latest plays, and admits okay, fine, maybe horror isn’t so pointless after all

itaru chigasaki

🎮 screw movies, you’re playing horror games instead!

🎮 most of itaru’s horror games are single-player, so one of you takes the controller while the other sits next to the player, but itaru’ll drape his arms around you from behind in a back hug the entire time you play

🎮 he doesn’t really shut up. the entire time, he’s either cracking a joke or trying to freak you out more, if only so he doesn’t get in his head and overthink the creepy atmosphere

🎮 asshole only quiets down when the game gets tense, and then suddenly puts his hands around your shoulders or neck to scare you. regardless if you fall for it or not, he always laughs at himself and just-so-happens to break the tension as a scary cutscene plays

🎮 still commentates when he’s the player, but gasps or jumps even at small atmospheric scares

🎮 itaru definitely overthinks the game. he gets super cautious over tiny details and makes the missions way harder than they should be since he keeps overestimating the enemy line of sight and how noisy the avatar is

🎮 if you happen to be playing a co-op horror it’s a constant “no u” battle over who should do the scariest tasks

🎮 “reader, we need to cleanse the room next. you should do it” “no, you should do it. you have the quartz item remember” “i can give it to you since you have the ghost ward” “the ghost ward doesn’t apply to this quest, besides, you’re better at this ghost attack quick time event than me” “no it does, and you’re more optimized” “i can just give the items to you-“ “no you should do it” “no you” “no you” “no you” “no y-”

🎮 you both lose

citron

🍋 citron loves horror movies! he thinks they’re... comforting?

🍋 turns out he’s only seen movies about cursed dolls and b-horror, which explains a lot- he loves dolls too much to be scared by them and he thinks b-list horror is hilarious- but he’ll still proudly proclaim he’s unflappable and swear to protect you from the bad guys

🍋 when you’re actually watching the movie you can’t tell if he’s faking his reactions or not. he’s very noisy

🍋 he gets scared enough during the gruesome and horrific scenes to hold you close and tight like a teddy bear, and during the worst of it he might muffle a scream by diving into the crook of your neck, obscuring his vision until the scene changes

🍋 and yet, he laughs at the next scene’s unrealism, and manages to poke enough fun at the movie that you giggle and his terror disappears, he loves your laugh way more than he can be afraid of monsters

🍋 can’t do gore for the life of him, but when it comes to the actual plot, he’s rather critical of characters acting dumb. he catches on to nonsensical writing quick, but usually asks you to clarify the plot holes before realizing that he found a loophole in the writing

🍋 whenever you’re scared and not even his goofy reactions and commentary can help, he plants a sweet kiss on your cheek, strokes your hair, and holds you close to his chest until the fear goes away. he’s surprisingly good at protecting you from the movie

🍋 after the movie he’ll say his country has a similar legend to the movie monsters, but he claims the legends are true in zafra, and zafrans have a very specific tradition to prevent the monsters from attacking them

🍋 the movie also gave citron the idea of creepily standing behind you silently until you turn around and get startled, or occasionally chanting in a strange, cultish language and pretending he didn’t say a thing, or making a doll with the same markings as the clown puppet from the movie...

🍋 citron continues to be even scarier than the actual horror movie, but can’t wait until the next horror night! maybe watching it was a bad idea after all...

chikage utsuki

🌙 chikage just doesn’t get the appeal of horror. it’s just a fake movie, why do people get so creeped out by terrible sfx and unrealistic monsters?

🌙 he’s seen scarier things than any werewolf pack, zombie outbreak, or witch coven can throw at him. if you insist on watching a scary movie, fine, he’ll be happy to let you sit on his lap, just don’t expect to creep him out as well, or else you’ll be sorely disappointed.

🌙 he analyzes the movie more than he watches it, but doesn’t speak up even though the fight scenes look pitiful. if this were real life, he’d sweep the whole brood of shambling monstrosities in record time and be back home in time for izumi’s curry

🌙 chikage runs his hands under your shirt whenever the monster’s on screen to scare you. it’s actually really creepy- his fingers are light and quick and always makes you flinch, even if you know it’s just your boyfriend

🌙 he’ll listen to your thoughts about the movie, but doesn’t have strong opinions himself. he thinks the scares are mediocre at best, even without considering his background, but won’t mention how unrealistic it was unless you mention it first.

🌙 psychological horror, however, is a whole different story

🌙 maybe chikage can’t get scared by generic spirit halloween monsters but once you introduce thought-provoking plot, questions and dilemmas, now he’s hooked

🌙 he really likes wondering if the protagonist is actually the good guy and making theories about the origins of the monsters and why they’re so destructive, even if he forgets about them once the movie’s over.

🌙 love love looooves the “the monsters were harmless creatures before humans dished out the first blow” trope. he knows how common it is, but there’s a lot of ways to go about it, especially on a subtextual level, and he just can’t get enough

🌙 the deeper the plot is, expect a longer conversation about the ins and outs of it. they get surprisingly thoughtful and introspective, even if chikage throws in a few bullshit stories related to the movie just to watch you squirm

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ssahotchhner · 4 years ago

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like real people do

PART TWO

hi! this is my first criminal minds fic, i haven’t watched the show all the way through in several years and while doing a rewatch discovered that i HAD to write hotch. this will be two parts, here’s the first! let me know your thoughts please, i love talking to my readers (:

words: 5837

pairing: hotch x reader

warnings: usual criminal minds nastiness, rape mention, death, curse words

Everyone knew that SSA Aaron Hotchner has been emotionally unavailable since his divorce, so everyone was that much more surprised when he kissed you at the bar in front of all your colleagues at the BAU. You wouldn’t lie, you had had a crush on Aaron for years now, but you had imagined your hypothetical romance much differently. As it was, Aaron had immediately left the bar in a flurry of embarrassment, murmuring a hurried apology on his way out leaving you to the unabashed teasing of your coworkers that you had pretended to brush off. Now, days later, Aaron still refused to so much as look at you.

“Y/N,” Morgan rolled his chair over to your desk, “I’m dying to know, is Hotch a good kisser?”

You sigh, “Fuck off, Derek.”

“Leave the poor girl alone, Derek,” Rossi says as he passes by, “Don’t you think it’s bad enough Hotch is giving her the silent treatment now?”

You tried to hide the way the tears pricked the back of your eyes at his comment, but you were surrounded by FBI profilers.

Morgan lowered his voice and reach out his hand to touch your arm, “Hey, babygirl, I’m sorry, I was just teasing, maybe you should try talking to Hotch--”

“Talking to me about what?” Aaron had been so quiet walking up on you and your head had been low, so focused on not crying that you hadn’t heard him.

“Nothing.” You say quickly, and as expected he avoids making eye contact, “Do you need something, sir?” You don’t miss the way he flinches at the formality. Good.

“We have a new case.” He says simply and walks away.

Morgan let out a low whistle, “You really hit him with the ‘sir.’” You started to get up from your desk, but Morgan put a hand on your arm again, “Seriously, Y/N, I’m sorry. If you need to talk I’m here.”

You sighed and stood up again, forcing a smile, “There’s nothing to talk about Derek, I’m fine. Now come on.”

“We have a serial rapist in Milwaukee, Wisconsin.” JJ starts immediately as everyone files in. You feel Morgan’s gaze on you the entire time and try not to get frustrated. He’s been like a brother to you since you joined the BAU a few years ago and you know this overprotectiveness was just him being a good friend, but it was bound to drive you nuts. “Victims are all white women ranging from their late teens to early twenties at a local university.”

“Why are we being called in for a rapist on a college campus?” Reid asks, “I don’t mean to be insensitive, but we all know the statistics. There are dozens of serial rapists on college campuses.”

“Because this one is torturing them while he rapes them and leaves them notes leading up to the attacks.” Hotch says as Penelope begins to pull up pictures on the screen of these women. “Slut, whore, bitch, cunt. All carved on their chests.” You do your best to hide the nausea that rises in you as you look at the pictures. Do your job. You remind yourself.

“What do the notes say?” Emily asks.

“They seem like thinly veiled threats,” Reid begins, “They sound romantic at first glance, but if you read closely you can see the context.”

“He breaks into their dorms when they’re at class or at parties and waits for them to come home and then he holds them at knifepoint so they won’t scream.” Penelope says, trying not to let her voice shake.

“Risky to do in a dorm building and no one’s seen him?” Morgan says.

Rossi ponders this, “That means he must blend in, someone no one would think twice about being inside. A student, an RA, or a university official.”

“University officials don’t normally enter student dorms unless there’s an issue, they’d be more likely to stand out and students would talk about them showing up.” Hotch muses.

“Y/N, you’re awful quiet today,” Emily nudges your elbow, “What do you think?”

You can feel everyone’s eyes on you, but Aaron’s. Still looking at his manila folder as if Emily hadn’t addressed you. As if you didn’t exist. You clear your throat, “I think the RA or student theory makes sense. We should probably interview the RA of the first victim, assuming he’s a man. It would make sense to me that he would start with one of his own students and then begin to branch out. Maybe he thought he could stop, get that release he needed after just one, but the need only grew stronger.”

“Wheels up in thirty, we’ll discuss more on the plane.” Hotch says and stands, walking out of the room without another glance.

“Did something happen last night at the bar?” Emily murmurs, the only member of the team who didn’t make it out the night before, “Hotch is acting really weird around you.”

Derek snickers on the other side of you and you elbow him, “That’s it, I’m going to talk to him.”

Reid winces, “Good luck.”

“It’ll be fine, kid.” Rossi says and squeezes your shoulder as you pass.

You take a long breath before you finally build the courage to walk into Aaron’s office where he’s packing his briefcase. “Sir, can I talk to you for a moment?”

“Can it wait until we’re on the plane, agent?”

Agent. You roll your eyes toward the ceiling, “No, sir, it can’t.” You can’t hide the bite in your words this time. He finally looks at you, really looks at you. You wonder what he sees.

“Close the door.” He says quietly and then sits behind his desk.

You walk slowly to the seat in front of his desk. This time, he watches you. “This is the first time you’ve looked at me all day.”

“I wasn’t aware you were analyzing me.”

“Are you telling me you haven’t been analyzing me all day?”

“Agent, what is this about? We have a plane to catch.”

You stare at him for a few moments longer, “Fine,” You stand, “If you want to pretend nothing happened, I’ll do the same. But if you could at least stop ignoring me, that would be great.”

“Agent--”

“And use my goddamn name, for Christ’s sake.”

He stares at you and you know he hates your emotional outburst and that in turn makes you hate yourself. “Then you stop calling me ‘sir.’” He says quietly.

Your eyes soften for just a moment and then you storm back out of his office nearly plowing over Rossi as you leave. Rossi walks into Aaron’s office to see him rubbing his forehead, “Well that doesn’t look like it went well.”

“I screwed up, Rossi.”

“Oh, come on Hotch, it was just one kiss. It didn’t mean anything--”

“It did mean something. To me. Maybe not to her.”

Rossi shakes his head, “Then why are you giving her the cold shoulder?”

Hotch sighs, “Because we work together, because she doesn’t feel the same, because she’s the first woman I’ve kissed since Haley. Pick a reason.” Rossi looks like he’s going to interject, but Hotch stands, “We don’t have time for this, Rossi, let’s go.”

Rossi sighs as he watches Aaron walk out of his office and follows after.

***

You’re quiet most of the plane ride, conscious of the looks everyone is giving you as you read the information in the manila folder over and over, trying to be good at your job instead of thinking about your boss.

“When we get off the plane, JJ and Prentiss, you go talk to the victims. Rossi and I will touch base with the police. Morgan, Reid, Y/N, you go talk to anyone you can find at the dorms, see if anyone’s seen anyone suspicious.” You make it a point not to react, but everyone else reacts anyway, watching you carefully. Hotch almost always assigns himself with you.

“If you guys don’t stop psychoanalyzing me I will eject myself from this plane.”

Everyone looks away except Aaron and when you meet his eyes, he’s smirking. Those smiles are so rare and you can’t deny how it satisfies you to know you were the reason he did so. You quickly look back down at your work, careful not to reveal anything you’re feeling.

***

“Do you have feelings for Hotch?” Reid asks without preamble when you’re in the car with Derek.

“Spencer!” You exclaim in outrage. Derek just laughs from the driver’s seat.

“What? You both wouldn’t be being so weird about one kiss if it wasn’t something more.”

“Okay, Romeo, remember that she’s armed.” Derek cautioned.

“He’s my boss, Reid. It’s weird because he’s my boss.”

“Well, sure, by definition Hotch is our superior but we all know--” Reid cut himself off when he saw the look Derek was giving him in the rearview mirror, “Yeah, you’re right, it’s weird.” He said quickly.

You sigh and turn to the window and ignore Derek and Spencer the rest of the ride.

***

“So you mean to tell me that ten women have come forward about being raped in their dorms and you told them to consider themselves lucky they weren’t murdered and sent them home without doing a rape kit?” Aaron’s furious. Furious with himself for the previous night and he’s more than happy to take out that anger on the local Milwaukee police department.

“Look, man, we get a lot of he said she said in here, we don’t have the time or the man power to follow up on every one.”

Just then his phone rings. It’s you. He wishes he could ignore the pang that goes through him just from reading your name. “Hotch.” He answers.

“Sir-- I mean, Aaron.” You correct yourself quickly, and then realize you should have called him Hotch, but it’s too late. “They’ve found a body.”

He frowns, “A body? That doesn’t fit his MO.”

You swallow, “Yeah, well, everything else does. He seems to have gotten a little carried away with the carving this time.”

“We’ll be right there.”

You hang up your phone and then turn back to Reid and Morgan who are looking over the crime scene. You sit with Victoria’s, the victim’s, distraught roommate and try to calm her and maybe get some actual information out of her. You don’t hear or see Aaron walk in until he’s already next to you, “Did you get anything from her?”

His closeness makes it hard to focus, “Just regular roommate stuff, she might be more useful once she calms down. I asked if her roommate had a boyfriend or anything like that and she said she was quiet, kept to herself. Boys were out of the question.”

“He’s escalated. Why?”

You shrug, “Could be because we’re here, that might have upset him and he lost control. But it could have been an accident, roommate says Victoria had a heart condition. The stress of the situation might have killed her.”

Hotch nods, “Good work.”

He was trying to be normal, you could tell. And he was trying so hard. “Thank you.” You said softly and then you excused yourself. Everything about him set you on edge and over and over the moment he kissed you plays in your head.

***

You’re both laughing to near snorting while sitting at the bar and Aaron can’t stop watching you, “You have an incredible laugh, you know?” He says softly when you’ve both settled down. “Sometimes when I think this job isn’t worth it, I’ll hear your laugh outside my office and just that sound…” He realizes what he’s saying suddenly and turns his head away from you smiling at his drink now.

“You make it worth it for me too.” You say and his eyes are back on you, “You so rarely ever smile, but when you smile at me… It makes it all worth it. The long hours, the horrible cases… all of it.”

When you look back at him he’s suddenly serious again. You can see his eyes calculating as he searches your face and you realize with a bit of shock that he’s trying to see if you’re lying. When his eyes finally settle back on yours, he gently reaches up, almost without thinking about it and curls a loose piece of hair behind your ear.

And then in the next second, his hand still on your face, his mouth is on yours.You forget that there’s anyone else in the world for those few seconds that he kisses you. Until everyone on the team starts jeering and Aaron pulls away like he’s seen a ghost.

“Aaron?” You say, frowning as he jumps up from his seat, not looking at you and gathering his things.

“I’m sorry.” Is all he murmurs and then runs out.

Derek’s laughing as he walks up to you, “Damn, princess. You broke Hotch! I gotta say, you’re incredibly out of his league.” You glare at him. “What? You’re out of my league too.”

You smile at that and try to act like everything’s normal, but you’re sure Spencer notices that you drink more and laugh a little too loudly.

***

You’re pulled back from the memory as JJ walks toward you, “Hey, you alright?”

“Yeah,” You nod, “Fine, just needed a second alone to think.”

She stops in front of you and rests her hand on your arm, lightly squeezing, “You can talk to me, you know, about men. Even Hotch.”

You smile, “I appreciate everyone’s concern, but I’m fine, really. It’s not that big a deal.”

“It’s a big deal if it starts interfering with the job, and I can see it on both of you,” She’s stern all of a sudden, “I know he’s our boss, but underneath that he’s just any other man, Y/N. Don’t let him fool you into thinking otherwise.”

“Guys,” Derek interrupts, sticking his head out into the hallway, “You’re gonna wanna see this.”

When you come back in the room, Spencer is crouched over the body, gloves on, examining the carvings in her body, “There’s hesitation in the cuts this time and you can tell they were done after she was dead. And if you look a little bit closer…”

“‘Sorry…’” You read the small script, astonished. “Remorse. It was an accident.” Your eyes dart back and forth as you lose yourself in your own thoughts while the rest of the team discusses, “I think we can deliver the profile.”

***

“We’re looking for a white male in his early to mid twenties.” Hotch starts, “He most likely is able to gain the women’s trust, maybe he’s a student RA or a student tech worker, but they let him in without a second thought.”

“I thought he breaks into the dorms and waits for them?” A cop asks.

“He does,” You say, “But the initial access is how he chooses his victims. He’s a loner, doesn’t have many friends, certainly no girlfriend. It’s possible that he asks these girls on dates when he first meets them, and when they refuse he feels entitled to them anyway which is why he comes back for the rape.”

“What about the murder?” Another cop asks.

“We believe the death of the last girl was an accident.” Reid responds, “She had a heart condition and the medical examiner has confirmed she died from sudden cardiac arrest. The unsub even seemed to show remorse when he defiled the body after, carving the word ‘sorry’ into her body.”

“The killing has most likely set him on edge. He’s remorseful, upset, overcome with immense guilt, but he blames the women. If they had just said yes to him, he wouldn’t have to do this. She wouldn’t have died.” Derek continues, “You should be looking for someone who was soft spoken, but as the rapes started he became more assertive, maybe he had an altercation with a professor or supervisor.”

“You’ve probably interviewed him already,” You say, “He inserts himself into the investigation because he feels guilt and watching the investigation play out validates that he was right for doing what he did.” You sigh, “There’s one more thing. He didn’t intend to kill Victoria, but… He spent time with the body after she had passed. He mutilated her as well as continued his rape of her afterward. It’s possible that he enjoyed the kill and will kill the next time as well. So stay vigilant and… please tell the girls not to let any men in their dorms. Thank you.”

Aaron comes up to you, “Can I speak to you alone for a moment?”

You nod and follow him into a conference room and he closes the door behind you, “You’re really an incredible profiler, agent.”

Again with the ‘agent.’ “Thank you, sir.”

“I just wanted to assure you that I will remain nothing but professional around you from here on out.”

You tilted your head to the side and you knew the pain was evident on your face as you didn’t try to hide it, “I see.”

“You’re upset.”

You laugh, “Did you mean anything you said at the bar, Aaron, or were you just drunk?” You’re aware of how vulnerable you’re being in front of him now as you can hear the tears in your own voice.

You see him calculating what the best response is and this just infuriates you more, “Forget it, you’re just going to talk to me like some unsub, trying to best figure out what to say to calm me down.”

He shakes his head, “That’s not what I’m doing.”

You start to walk out and stop to stand next to him, “You just said yourself I’m an incredible profiler, so please don’t profile me and think I won’t notice.”

He closes his eyes as you continue walking out, “Y/N, wait.” Despite yourself, you do stop at the sound of your name. “I’m sorry, I-- I meant the things I said at the bar, I’m… But I’m your boss and I don’t want to make it difficult for you to do your job.”

You force a smile and look up at him, “Don’t worry, Hotch, won’t be a problem.”

And then you’re gone and he gets the feeling you won’t call him Aaron ever again.

***

Spencer walks in the entrance of the dorm you’ve been staking out, two coffees in hand. He hands one to you wordlessly, “Have you gotten any sleep?”

“Obviously not.” You sigh and happily guzzle the coffee, “Thanks.”

“Hotch is upset.”

“About what?” You murmur, half paying attention, half going over the case again on the papers in front of you.

“About you, obviously.”

You don’t look up, “I don’t know what you’re talking about. How do you even know Hotch is upset? He always looks like he’s pissed at something.”

“Because I’m a profiler. Everyone knows he’s off, no one will say to his face that it’s because of you.”

You sigh and look up at him, “Spencer, we’re fine, okay? We’re adults.” He’s quiet, but he won’t stop staring at you, “What?”

“I know that I’m… not the most perceptive when it comes to emotions, but… I think he’s in love with you. And I’m pretty sure you’re in love with him.”

You smirk, “And what makes you think that, Mr. Profiler?”

He smiles back, “Well, Hotch is always watching you, mostly when you’re not looking and when he does his expression sort of… softens. He almost always assigns the two of you together when giving the unit assignments, which I think is partially because he likes to be around you, but also because he’s trying to protect you, especially after that hostage situation a few months ago. He was a wreck when you were in there. Screaming at everyone, I really thought he would kill the unsub when he found him.”

“He would do that for any of us, when any of us were in danger.” You said, quickly shaking your head to dismiss the idea.

But Spencer shakes his head, “You didn’t see him. It was different.”

“Spencer, he barely gave me a pat on the back when I left that hostage situation alive.”

“That’s because he doesn’t trust himself around you. Why do you think the only time he’s ever given you a hint at the way he feels was when he was drunk?”

Your head is spinning as you look at Spencer, “No, that doesn’t make any sense--”

“It makes perfect sense and I know you know that.” Spencer’s phone rings, “Reid.” He sighs and lowers his head, “Where? Okay, we’ll be right there.” He hangs up the phone, “There’s another body.”

You sigh, “I really hate being right.”

***

“You were right,” Hotch says from behind you, “He’s discovered he likes killing.”

It was never easy looking at bodies, but somehow it was always worse when you had predicted it and still not been able to stop it, “How did he do it?”

“Manual strangulation.”

“Has anyone checked for skin or blood under her fingernails? Sign of a struggle?”

Aaron nods, “Already scraped off and sent to Garcia.”

“Even if she can’t find a match, we’ll be able to narrow down suspects by the injuries she left.”

“The school is panicking, they want to evacuate the campus.”

“If they evacuate we’ll never find him, he’ll just start again somewhere else.”

“That’s what I told them.”

You sigh, “Why are the girls still letting him in?”

“Maybe they’re not,” Hotch mused, “Maybe he’s starting to pick the girls from his classes now that we’re here.”

“The last two victims, do we have their schedules? Their majors?”

“They were both nursing majors,” Emily interjects, “Third year.”

You nod, “Okay, so by that point, third year, majority of their classes are restricted to nursing majors only.” You flip your phone open and dial Penelope.

“Hello my delightful fairy princess, what can I do for you?”

“Garcia, the last two victims, can you cross reference their class schedules and tell me if they had any classes in common?”

“Yes, just a second… Three classes in common.”

“Okay, cross reference with the remaining victims.”

“Um, okay, wow, all of them had two classes in common.”

“Shit.” You mutter, “Can you send over the class rosters of both those classes, but just the men. And also send pictures.”

“You got it.”

“Thanks, Penelope.”

You shake your head, “They were all nursing majors.” You say as you hang up, “How did we miss that?”

Reid was shaking his head, “We didn’t have a lot of time to interview the victims before the first body turned up.”

“Alright, we need everyone looking through those rosters, rounding up every male we can and interviewing them.” Hotch starts, “Y/N, you’re with me for interviews, the rest of you keep in touch with Garcia and find out anything you can.”

You try to ignore the shock you feel that he picked you this time, noting Reid’s raised eyebrows as he left the room. “You sure you want me on interviews?” You ask when you’re alone.

He’s looking at all the evidence on the corkboard, “Why wouldn’t I?”

“Wasn’t sure if you would want to work closely with me anymore.” You say, standing next to him now and also looking over the evidence.

He looks at you now, “You have the same features as a lot of the victims, I��m hoping it’ll get a rise out of our unsub if we find him.”

You nod, “Makes sense.”

“And,” He says pointedly until you meet his eyes, “As I’ve said already, you’re an excellent agent and I could use your help on this.”

You heave a big sigh, “Okay, how do you wanna play it?”

He shrugs, “I think you already know what role I need you to play.”

***

This is maybe the tenth or so interview you and Hotch had done with no success. You were tired of playing this role, especially in front of Hotch.

“Jordan.” You smile sweetly at him, making sure to lean over the table just a little to give him the view he wants, “Did you know either of these girls?” You lay the pictures of the last couple victims on the table, wait to see his reaction. He brings his hands up to rest on the table and you see the shallow scratch marks on them, you share a discreet look with Hotch who barely nods in acknowledgement.

He stares for far too long. Hotch notices his hands clench into fists. He’s excited by the bodies.

“Yeah, I knew them.” He’s still looking at the pictures, “They were in two of my classes.” He finally looks up and gazes at you hungrily, “You seem awful young to be an FBI agent.”

You smile again and then look away, a sign of submission. “Stop flirting with my agent.” Hotch says placing his palms abruptly on the table. Jordan doesn’t flinch at Hotch’s presence, not taking his eyes off you. He’s more confident than either of you anticipated. Was the profile wrong or is this the wrong guy? “How did you know the victims?”

“I just told you, from class.”

“Did you ever see them outside of class?”

He shrugs, “I don’t know, maybe, to do a project, not in a while though.”

“Jordan, do you know if either of the girls had a boyfriend?”

“Boyfriend?” He frowns, “Those two? No.” He practically scoffs.

You tilt your head to the side, “Why do you say it like that?”

“Those girls aren’t the boyfriend type. They’re whores.” There’s the bitterness in his voice.

You try to make your face as empathetic as possible, “What do you mean by that, Jordan?”

“Well, you know, they slept around… Wouldn’t give a nice guy like me a chance. You must know their type, you’re the FBI.”

You nod, “It must be so hard for a handsome, smart guy like you to get rejected. I can’t imagine why anyone would dream of missing out on that,” You shake your head, “Their loss.”

Hotch audibly scoffs and you watch Jordan glare at him. He’s getting angry. Good. “Hotch, why don’t you go get Jordan a water?”

Hotch blinks at you, trying to figure out if you had really just given him an order, “Agent, I am the lead interrogator on this case, I’m not leaving you alone in here--”

“Agent Hotchner,” You turn in your seat to face him, hoping he’ll read your expression, “Please get the young man a water, he’s been in here for hours.”

His eyes search your face for a few moments and then he leaves the room without another word. He won’t be getting Jordan a water. You know he’s watching carefully from the other side of the glass. “Sorry about him.” You say, “He doesn’t understand men like you.”

“Men like me?”

“Men who know how to get what they want.”

His face transforms as he watches you and he leans back in his chair, relaxed, legs spread to assert his dominance. “And you understand that?”

“There’s nothing sexier than a man who goes after what he wants… No matter what.”

He leans forward and whispers, “Even when they beg me to stop?”

You swallow past your disgust and, though you hate to admit it, fear, “Did they beg you to stop? Victoria and Erica?”

His smile widens as he watches you, “You remind me so much of them.”

“Can you tell me what you did to them? How you killed them?”

He licks his lips now, you think he’s lost all sense of where he is, falling for the delusion you’ve set in front of him, “You’re just like them, a dirty little slut. You want to be punished, don’t you?”

“Please.” Is the last word you whisper before he practically jumps across the table to grab your throat. Your chair falls backwards and he’s on top of you, crushing your windpipe. How could you forget that he was uncuffed? Hotch rushes in, he yells as he pulls Jordan off you, but you’re not sure what he’s saying. Then he’s cuffed Jordan and taken you out of the room.

“Sit.” Aaron says, ushering you to a chair that you practically fall into. You’re still coughing and you’re shaking a bit as Aaron gives you a water.

“I forgot,” You start, your voice hoarse, but Hotch brings the water cup to your mouth, insisting you drink before talking. You take a couple swallows, “I forgot he wasn’t cuffed.”

He shakes his head, “It’s my fault, I shouldn’t have left you alone with him.”

“No, I needed you on the other side of the glass. He wouldn’t have fallen for the delusion otherwise. I needed him to forget who I was and just see me as a potential victim.” Aaron wouldn’t meet your eyes, not wanting to admit that you were right, “I’m going back in there.”

“No, you’re not, that’s out of the question.”

“Is that an order, sir?” He scans your face in frustration, “You know it has to be me. He won’t talk to you. I’ll be fine.”

He sighs and rubs a hand over his face, “Fine. Ask him about Erica, don’t ask about Victoria.”

“Why?”

“Because he didn’t kill Victoria himself, it’ll ruin the fantasy and he might lie to you to try to impress you. The details of the murders weren’t shared with the public, only the unsub would know how each of them died. He needs to reveal how he killed Erica to you and then we’ll have him.”

“Okay.” You stand and hold your hands behind you so he won’t see them shaking, but he’s a profiler. The attempt is mute.

He takes a step closer, “You don’t have to go back in there,” He says softly, “No one will think less of you.”

When he’s this close, looking at you with such concern, it makes you want to melt in his arms. But you had a job to do, “I can do this.”

And before he can make you think about it more, you turn away from him and march back in the interrogation room.

“Sorry about that,” You sit back down at the table and smile at him, “My partner gets a little jealous sometimes.” You lean in and whisper, “He’s usually the only one I let handle me like that.”

Just like that he’s back, “Why don’t you uncuff me so we can continue?”

You bite your lip, “I’d like to hear more about the other girls first.”

***

“Why is she in there by herself?” Rossi came up behind Aaron who was watching the unsub’s every move, ready to jump in again if needed.

“She insisted.” Hotch says simply, “She almost has him.”

Rossi sighs, “She’s stubborn. Like someone else I know.”

Hotch is quiet for a moment, “I can’t be with her, Rossi, it could ruin her career.”

“You can’t know that. And besides, don’t you think that should be her decision to make?”

Hotch doesn’t answer, he just continues watching you.

***

“Does it turn you on hearing what I’ve done to them?”

You’re sitting on your hands now, trying to stifle the growing panic in your head that was telling you to get out. He’s unarmed, he’s cuffed, Aaron is right there. He can’t hurt you. “You have no idea.” It came out breathless from your fear, but he interpreted it as desire.

“First, I knocked her out, tied her to the bed. Then I waited for her to wake up before I began. I stripped her clothes off her at that point and then I fucked her while she cried,” He’s smiling at you and you’re doing all you can to keep your expression neutral. “I took out the knife and started carving her up. You should have heard her beg. And then, when that’s all finished, I strangled her while I came inside her.” He leans over the table to get closer to you, and it takes everything in you not to move away, “Have you ever watched the light leave someone’s eyes, sweetheart?”

You calmly scoot your chair back and stand, buttoning your shirt back up and then resting your hand on your gun, reminding him of who you really are, “Thank you, Jordan. You’ve been incredibly helpful in this investigation.” And then turn to leave ignoring the way he calls after you.

When you exit the room, Aaron and Dave are both waiting for you and you sit down, exhausted, resting your head in your hands.

“Nice work, kid.” Dave says with a squeeze on your shoulder, and then he’s gone.

Then, there’s another touch on your back, more gentle and hesitant. You look up to see Aaron watching you, concern masking his face, “I’m fine, Hotch.” You say, shrugging him off.

His hand drops and you immediately regret it. “When you were taken those months ago, by that unsub…” His words are slow, as if making sure this is what he really wants to say to you. You know exactly what he’s going to say before he says it, “He raped you, didn’t he?” Your eyes snap up to meet his. “You would never tell us what actually happened, all those hours he had you, a sexual sadist.” He shakes his head, “There’s no way he would’ve been able to control himself.”

You shake your head just lightly, “I can’t do this now, Aaron.”

“Then when?” He’s frustrated now, borderline angry, “You lied at your psych eval, you said nothing happened, we let you come back after just a couple of weeks--”

“And I’m doing just fine, aren’t I?” You stand so you’re nearly eye level with him.

“You think I didn’t notice the way you almost fell apart in there?”

“But I didn’t. I finished it and I did a damn good job and you know it.”

Hotch erases all traces of emotion from his face as he stares you down, “You’re suspended for two weeks, effective immediately. Hand over your badge and gun, agent.”

You nearly stumble back from him as if you’ve been hit, “Aaron?”

“What’s going on?” Prentiss has entered the room now followed by the rest of the team, all watching with confused and worried expressions.

“You heard me.” Hotch says, never taking his eyes off you. You make no moves to take out your badge or gun, “Now, agent.” There’s bite to his words this time.

You feel humiliated. With the whole team watching, you place your gun and badge on the table and brush by Aaron without a second glance. Pushing past the team, even Spencer who reaches for you.

“What the hell was that, Hotch?” Derek says once you’ve left.

“She lied in order to pass her psych eval. I did what I had to do.” Everyone’s staring at him, but he walks by, seemingly unphased, “Good work, everyone. Get some rest, we go home tomorrow at first light.”

#criminal minds #aaron hotchner #aaron hotchner fic #hotch x reader #aaron hotchner fanfic #criminal minds fanfic #criminal minds fic #hotch fic #hotch fluff #hotch angst #hotch imagine #mine

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jjuzoir · 4 years ago

Text

Homare Arisugawa General HCS

request: “Hi Sora! I never see any art/writing for my boy Homare from A3! (Maybe because his dialogue is so ridiculous.) Would you mind writing something for him?” from tlali

a/n: ahhh i don’t think i’ve ever taken so long in a request jdjdndnd but i just wanted to make it right because i love homare so much❕ he deserves everything and more i just HDHSJJA we need more homare love 🤬 his dialogue is hilarious and i feel like we need to appreciate his style more no more homare slander 🙅

word count: 1667

- He smells like earl gray tea. No one knows why since he uses unscented soaps, he says it’s probably because he spends most of his time drinking or around tea.

- He’s very particular about his hair, he uses very specific shampoos and conditioners that he will absolutely not share or change unless he notices his hair needs it. Talking about his hair, it’s naturally kind of dry so he uses a lot of hydrating products which leaves him with the softest, most fluffy hair ever. It’s like touching a cloud.

- One of his favorite gifts given to him is a tie given to him as a birthday gift by his members. Everyone pitched it, including Izumi, and Azuma picked it out. It’s black, much like his everyday tie, but it’s got a small embroidered snowflake.

- He’s got three main pairs of glasses; his everyday ones he keeps at hand when he goes out, his at home ones which are (according to him) less flattering, and his driving ones. Keep in mind he can’t drive, he doesn’t even own a car.

- He can speak french and latin, and he’s super loud about it too. He’ll sometimes slip in french phrases and no one will understand other than Chikage and it’s just a mess - Muku is always so amazed that he knows two other languages too and probably asks him to teach him sometime.

- Definitely has the prettiest handwriting when it comes to the roman alphabet, he writes in ink and with fancy pens that cost more than Banri’s tuition.

- Absolutely has a bunch of business cards printed out, each with its own quote made by him. Sakyo thought it was such a waste printing them until he realized that no matter how many Homare took when he went to run errands he always gave them all, to whom? No one knows.

- He’s very well respected in the literary community, which still shocks pretty much everyone. He gets stopped often by fans or people who’ve read his work, it happens at least once a day and Izumi really doesn’t… she doesn’t understand, poor girl.

- He’s not that good with phone calls, he’s not bad but he definitely prefers texting or just talking face to face. To him there’s just a certain level of discontent he doesn’t like that doesn’t exist in other mediums.

- His favorite shows are either comedies or heavy hitting detective shows, there is no inbetween. You’ll walk in on him watching a sitcom leave the room and walk in on a serial killer chase down.

- About his love for detective shows, his favorite pastime is trying to solve the mysteries with the main character. He’ll rewatch the episode so many times to try and pick up clues, he’ll take notes and come to a conclusion and he loves the feeling of getting it right.

- In the same spirit as the statement above, absolutely got Tsumugi and Sakyo hooked on some of his favorites and they hang out to talk about the latest episodes and the overarching mystery. The conversations can tend to get kind of heavy very quick, more than once Muku thought they were investigating a real crime and almost fainted.

- He looks like he’s probably allergic to wool sweaters, they make his skin itch and he always needs to use a shirt underneath them - so he tends to buy those expensive anti-allergic ones that need to be washed in a very specific way that could probably pay Tsuzuru’s whole college debt and it takes a lot of restraint from the playwright not to steal one and sell in the black market.

- Talking about Tsuzuru, he often gives him writing advice. Said advice tends to be very useful, like keeping a pen and notebook on him in case anything comes to mind during the day or writing daily to help ease him into a style, etc. Homare genuinely wants him to bloom into a writer and is willing to beta-read anything Minagi needs, be it a script or a sleep deprived rambling about the gay subtext in Nocturnity.

- Arisugawa sets himself reading goals each month, he likes to read at least one book. He prefers poetry books or classic english literature, but he also likes to read romance books or really bizarre dystopian novels.

- Has read more books than most people in the company and can give very detailed recommendations if you give him like a day.

- Sings operas in the shower, unless stopped he will keep going until the second act. Surprisingly good falsetto, but one time Tenma thought it was a Banshee for a second and almost cried into Juza’s chest.

- He’s not only an overly emotional drunk but also a loud drunk, he’s already quite loud but when he’s downed half a bottle of wine and a shot of vodka he’s louder than the Summer Troupe combined. Because of this, Izumi tends to restrict his alcohol intake when they’re at the dorm.

- I can see him being very big into musicals, not all musicals but a very specific niche; classic horror novels turned into musicals. He’s a very big fan of both the German and Korean versions of Dracula, his favorite song is probably “Zu Ende” or the Korean version of “It’s Over”. He also likes the Frankenstein musical too, but overall he finds Junsu’s Dracula more interesting thus his preference.

- He will talk your ear off if you mention any musical though, be it a classic like Phantom or something newer like Heathers.

- A very big fan of Ghibli movies, he told me so himself today. He really likes Spirited Away though, it’s a movie he’s watched so many times but he’s still completely enamoured by it; he probably has made the Winter Troupe watch it at least once and Hisoka definitely knows the beginning of the movie by heart now.

- Homare is also really good at drawing, not like Kazunari but he’s probably the second best. He learned by analyzing and looking at artists he admired and picking up on their techniques. A true Renaissance Man™️.

- I feel like he’d also have a bunch of skills that are kind of, useless? He can probably carve wood and make candles, he also took a course in glass blowing probably. Arisugawa just wants to try everything at least once, his motto is probably to explore and learn as much as possible, not just about art but the world (he can be surprisingly smart if you have a dictionary at hand).

- Very observant, just in general. Which can be both good and bad, it’s good because it helps him understand the situation in ways others might not but it leads to him to sometimes overthinking things and behaving in manners which may annoy or hurt others.

- He also has a hard time trying to react to social cues, as seen in game, with certain people. While he’s worked it out with the Winter troupe and the Mankai company he still struggles when it comes to new people.

- Will make little tunes he sings in the shower that kind of become a little daily song, each day there’s a new one he’ll hum.

- He also canonly makes music and he makes contemporary electro-pop, you cannot change my mind. He probably also mixes opera and classical music into his tunes, which can go from 1 minute to 10, so you end up with a very cool mix of orchestra and techno-pop - it’s not everyone’s cup of tea but he’s probably got his own niche group.

- Now, into more romantic HCs...

- He’s a good flirt, a very good flirt. They may sound weird looking back at it, but his pickup lines work and they work well.

- He knows when to stop pursuing someone too. He senses even a bit of discomfort and he’s backing away, won’t ask anything. Very big on consent and unless stated absolutely explicitly he’ll keep his distance.

- A true gentleman, please - he’ll never let his dates pay, always open the doors for them, will even do the “walk on the inside of the sidewalk” when he’s walking you home.

- His favorite dates tend to be ones where you get to know more about each other, not always necessarily by talking though. Being able to go into a bookstore and look at the books, seeing the ones you pick, what you pick at a cafe or restaurant, it all helps him draw a better picture of who you are and he likes to think it helps you get to know him better too.

- He’s very in tune with his S/O’s feelings but is afraid of overstepping any boundaries which may lead to some miscommunication at the beginning of the relationship. But it’s workable and it wouldn’t be that big an issue in the long run as long as his partner is willing to help him understand them.

- Not big on PDA, thinks certain things should remain inside - not to say he wouldn’t talk for hours about his partner to anyone who listens but things like kissing or hugs tend to be behind closed doors. He’s okay with hand holding and maybe a kiss on the cheek though!

- Likes wearing matching outfits with his S/O, thinks it shows how they’re “one in spirit, heart, and mind” and will not stop pointing it out to the point even married couples feel single as they hear him ramble on about the subtle coordination in your color schemes to create a perfect contrast.

- Notices the smallest things like how much sugar you like in your drinks, the telltale signs of when you’re lying or uncomfortable, how you act when you’re too cold or too hot, and learns it by heart.

- Homare is also the kind of boyfriend who’d confront the waiter if they get your order wrong, he’s not ashamed of it either.

- He kind of just wants to make sure you’re doing well and happy, he’s a gentleman.

- Damn… I love him so much

#—🎀 a3!#a3!#a3 #act! addict! actors!#act addict actors #homare arisugawa #homare arisugawa x reader #a3 homare #a3! homare #a3 homare x reader #a3! homare x reader #a3! x reader #a3 x reader #a3! fanfiction #arisugawa x reader #winter troupe #—✒️ sora’s scripts

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beauty-and-passion · 4 years ago

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My True Identity: foreshadowing and cruel irony

I promised this analysis long ago. I promised I would have finally started the rewatch.

And here I am. After all this time, it's finally rewatch time.

Before proceeding with this, let me clarify a couple points:

These analyses won't have a clear schedule. As you know, some episodes take a lot of time, while others are much simpler and/or shorter. I will just post every time I finish an analysis.

Not all episodes might be worth an analysis. Some might be fused into one post, others might be completely ignored. That doesn’t mean they’re useless, but only that I personally have nothing to say about them.

For now, I don't plan to talk about episodes I talked about, like DWIT and POF. But who knows, maybe there will be something else to add, when I'll come back to them? Still, for now don't expect anything new for these two episodes.

These are all my personal thoughts, so I could be completely wrong about everything. If you disagree/agree/want to add something, please feel free to do it.

As always, I might talk about all sorts of themes, so read at your own risk.

And now, let's begin.

_______________________________

An unclear plan

When he looked back at the first episode of what would've become Sanders Sides, Thomas himself admitted he had no clear plan about what he wanted to do. Would he film just a bunch of vlogs with these characters taken from his Vines? Would he do silly, funny sketches and talk about some random theme every time? He had no idea.

And this episode shows it: it really looks more like a simple, light-hearted vlog with funny characters, rather than what it would've become.

And this is probably what makes it a very intriguing start. Looking at it in retrospect, you can find a lot of stuff. You can see a lot of cruel irony, considering what these characters are saying and who is saying what. You can see a lot of points that will actually be discussed throughout the series. And you can even notice a lot of foreshadowing.

_______________________________

The main point of Sanders Sides

[Thomas]: Do I really know myself as well as I should? (...) I need to have a sit-down with myself, figure myself out, and maybe come to a better understanding that we all could learn from! Let’s do this!

This first episode might not take the future developments of the series into consideration, but the main point was still here.

Thomas doesn't know himself well enough. There's a lot he has to figure out. He needs to talk with himself and learn more.

Considering who are the last two sides Thomas learned about, this is just adorable. Look at this young Thomas, so cute and naive, thinking: "Oh yes, I will learn more about myself and it will all be fun and games! :DDD". So adorable, he has no idea what the future has in store for him.

This also connects to another point I mentioned in my analysis about the Dark Sides: before starting the series, Thomas didn't know his sides well enough. And we can see it in the way they interact between them and with Thomas.

For example, this part:

[Morality]: And no matter what, no one knows you better than yourself. Am I right, Tony? [Thomas]: Not my name. [Morality]: Then what is it?

I know it was a joke, but it was also a confirmation. Not even his own heart knows him well. Thomas never truly spoke with his sides - and they never truly spoke between them. They've always played a role - the teacher, the prince, the dad. Now they can start knowing each other.

_______________________________

Possible foreshadowing about Roman's arc

[Thomas]: Like, okay, relationships (...) where do I stand in those regards? [Princey]: I have a pretty ideal vision of love... There's someone out there for me... One true love... [Logic]: But you tend to overthink things, rule out possibilities with logic, dream up obstacles with each new connection you make... [Thomas]: And that when the anxiety kicks in. Maybe that’s why I haven’t found a person for me yet.

Oh boy, I can feel the last episodes and Asides looming over me.

Let's analyze each part of this conversation:

1) Thomas (and Roman) has a pretty ideal vision of love. One true love waiting for him. And now, guess what? Thomas is in love with Nico. And we all remember how Roman welcomed the idea of this new love in their lives.

[Roman]: I so... SO badly want this. I- I'm desperate for it...

And also how amazed he was, when they came back home:

[Roman]: A POET! To top it all off, he's a poet!

Considering the above premises, would it be so difficult for Roman to start idealizing this relationship with Nico? To consider Nico the “one true love” he talked about? To put him on a pedestal and, at the same time, search inside him all the characteristics the one true love should have?

This could lead to a very interesting possibility: Thomas putting Nico under the pressure of being his perfect man, to have all those characteristics his dreamy, romantic side wants to see. All while considering him incredibly perfect to the point of becoming inhuman.

All of this could end up only one way: scaring Nico. Maybe to the point of driving him away from Thomas.

2) Thomas overthinks, “rule out possibilities with logic” and dreams up obstacles. Could this also be a possible foreshadowing?

At the end of FWSA, when Thomas asked if they were ready for this relationship, Virgil stopped smiling, all while the camera slowly zoomed on him. The message was clear: Virgil isn’t ready for a change yet.

So we have Roman, who sees Nico as the perfect, ideal man of his dreams. And we have Virgil, afraid of changes, overthinker by nature and prone to self-deprecation.

The ingredients are all here: it is very possible that Thomas/Roman will put Nico on a pedestal and, the moment Nico is scared by Roman's adoration, Virgil starts to freak out and to talk bad about himself, because why someone so perfect and dreamy like Nico would ever love someone like Thomas?

This could potentially lead to a heated confrontation between Virgil and Roman that could be the metaphorical last nail on the coffin: Roman is already hurt because Patton sided with Janus. Nico drifting away from Thomas and Virgil's self-deprecation might convince him that yes, Thomas is truly bad and unworthy of love like Virgil says. He himself is bad and unworthy because he's not the perfect Creativity he should be.

And this can be a great starting point for his character arc.

_______________________________

OH THE IRONY part 1: no one learned anything (yet)

[Morality]: But that’s okay. The important thing to keep in mind is nobody’s perfect. Everyone comes with their own flaws. [Thomas]: Including me. [Princey]: Yes, someone will accept us, flaws and all. Until that day, I shall learn to love... myself.

Oh hey, look: the end of POF and Roman who still hasn't learnt nothing.

Jokes aside, I love how Patton is the one who says that everybody has flaws, but he excludes Thomas. It's Thomas himself who says he has flaws as well.

Doesn't that remind you of anything? Like this moment in SvS?

[Patton]: Well... Nobody's perfect... Except for Thomas! He loves his friends!

Patton saw Thomas as perfect and pure from the start. I love this, because it's very subtle and you don't notice it - until the events of SvS and POF.

But while Patton is finally learning (after almost 30 episodes) that Thomas isn't perfect, Roman is still very far from his goal of loving himself.

That's probably why he needs a romance this much: by focusing on someone else, he can easily ignore how much he doesn't like himself and his flaws.

And hey, I can even guess the name of these "flaws" he doesn't like so much.

_______________________________

These words are not foreshadowing at all

[Logic]: Um... Are we bringing up flaws now? Because if so, get ready to take a lot of notes. [Thomas]: Oh, uh... [Logic]: -continuing- Okay, you ready? Here we go. You procrastinate A LOT. [Morality]: You can be a bit selfish with your food and your other belongings... [Princey]: You’re definitely not the most adventurous person... [Thomas]: Okay, maybe this was a bad idea if I'm supposed to be learning to love myself. [Logic]: Ah, but remember, everyone has flaws.

Let's not forget that Thomas still had no clear plan, while filming this episode. This was supposed to be just a vlog.

But look at how the universe made these characters say these things. Look at dear sweet Patton, bringing up Thomas’ selfishness. How cute, he really has no idea what episodes are waiting for him.

And Roman brings up Thomas’ fear of changes. Awww, how cute, he has NO IDEA of the guy that will become his worst nightmare and his bestie at the same time <3

_______________________________

OH THE IRONY part 2: just look who's talking

[Morality]: Well, it’s important to be nice to ourselves and cut ourselves some slack every once in a while... [Princey]: Wouldn’t want to be our own villain, would we?

LOOK WHO’S TALKING.

Just look at the absolute irony of Mr. Selflessness talking about the importance of being nice to ourselves. Mr. Thomas-Should-Be-A-Martyr saying that cutting us some slack is good.

All while Mr. I-Thought-I-Was-Your-Hero tells us that we don’t want to be our own villain, right? Right?

_______________________________

Three fundamental questions

[Princey]: Well, what do you wish to look for in a relationship? What are you hoping to gain from having another person in your life? [Thomas]: Um... I don’t know. Someone who’s a nice compliment to me... someone who wants a long stable relationship... someone who indulges in the same sense of humor, and um... someone who can binge-watch cartoons with me.

This might be considered another foreshadowing of Thomas and Nico's relationship - maybe even the solution of the drama that will take place, after Roman and Virgil's fight we suggested before. The best solution: not putting Nico on a pedestal and seeing him as the perfect man, but appreciating him for who he is, for the normal guy he is - a guy Thomas loves and nothing else.

[Logic]: With everything you've learned, what do you wish to do with your education? [Thomas]: Ooh... I am not sure... I’d love to figure out ways to help the environment. Science was always my strong point and I love chemistry.

As I said multiple times, I think Thomas' decision to leave chemical engineering and become an actor will play a huge role in Logan's arc. And this question slighty hints at this.

At this point in time, Thomas still wants to use his education in a fruitful way. He still wants to use science, it's still his main goal. Doing silly videos is just an addition. "A good start", as he said:

[Thomas]: I think just being able to put out silly light-hearted content into the world is kind of a good start. It makes me really happy to do that. [Logic]: Well there you go. A good foundation.

And that's how Logan considers it as well: just a foundation. Not something that will take a huge part of Thomas' life. These videos are just a start.

This explains his reactions in the following episodes, especially how much he insisted on Thomas having a real job: after all, these videos are not something serious. Why focusing so much on them?

This could potentially be the starting point of Logan's increasing frustration and the reason of his final snap in season 3, that would also start his character arc.

But Patton’s question is what really surprises me:

[Morality]: What positive impacts do you inevitably hope to bring to this world?

Not only this screams POF, but it shows something for the first time: that Patton is silly, but he’s also clever. He’s not a complete idiot. He likes to be silly, he IS silly, but this question proves he's a lot more mature than he seems.

And if you think this is just a one-time thing, don't worry, we'll see it again in the future.

Is this a foreshadowing of my next analysis? Well, the episode was all foreshadowing, why can't I foreshadow something as well? ;)

( Support me on Ko-fi )

_______________________________

TAGLIST:

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twdmusicboxmystery · 2 years ago

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TWD 11x18: New Deal - Analysis, Part 3

@galadrieljones:

Guys I have some more notes, too. Okay so first of all, I didn't really take any notes on 11.17. Honestly, I thought it was kind of a purely expositional episode. Some of the dialogue in that first scene bothered me, it was so contrived lol. I know they apparently need to do this stuff for the GA, since ppl will probably have forgotten a lot of what has happened, and we're basically picking up exactly where we left off, but like...come on lol.

For 11.18, I had many notes. I am just going to go through what I have so far. First, that shot of Daryl's knife on the ground. What did you guys make of that? It was an incredibly pointed, purposeful shot. I noticed that in the episode, he drops the knife and then picks up the gun.

But with the gun, it was strange. Daryl is still being so...Daryl. He is such a reluctant hero. He tries to give Judith the gun, but she throws it all back in his face. She accuses him of not being willing to stay and fight at the CW. She really pushes his buttons here. Judith is getting very...antsy? Is that the word? She is a hero, too. She wants her turn, she needs a purpose.

Is anyone able to tell what she seems to be up to at the church? I need to rewatch. I couldn't tell what it was she was getting into. But the fact that she runs away is interesting and also alarming. Judith, what sort of trouble will you find yourself in?

@wdway:

As pretty typical of me I have a few thoughts that I want to add about the scene in New Deal and the comic book. It starts out in Daryl's makeshift bedroom with so many Daryl and Beth symbols. Daryl then moves into the living space with even more Beth/Daryl symbols around the room.

Daryl comes into the room expecting to see Judith but she's not where he thought she would be, expected her to be. He then goes over to JR and leans down at eye level (such an obvious setup to being able to see the back covers of the comic book) to question RJ. Daryl realizes very quickly that Judith is missing. Judith is just gone. Daryl then leaves to go searching for the missing girl. Hummm, can't possibly read anything into that scene.

Here's another idea that falls in line with probably not the case, I'm overthinking, over analyzing but here goes anyway. The comic book is about a teenager who is living an ordinary life. Something happens and he is thrown into a new type of world. He learns how to use his superpowers in order to help others. Could this not be a synopsis of what we believe Beth's story is. She was an ordinary teenager when the world changed. She had to learn what her particular powers were, and she chose to use them in order to help others.

@galadrieljones:

Interesting observations, @wdway. The thing about Slabtown that has always been so mysterious is that, like the Invincible comics, and like Rick's story, it's an obvious hero's journey. Being thrust into a "new world," meeting allies and enemies, overcoming trials, acquiring special skills, falling into the belly of the whale, and emerging with new knowledge.

This is why Beth's story is so bizarre. Because they clearly wanted to set up a hero's journey for her, but then, they just cut it short. When she stabs Dawn, that's hardly the pinnacle. If anything, it's an atonement. She's meeting with the goddess, the ultimate feminine force in her life, which seems to hold an immense power over her. Only by overtaking this role for herself can she ascend. But after everything--giving her her own hero's journey, her own trials, her own unique point of view, they then just kill her off? I don't think so.

To this day, there hasn't been another storyline like the Grady storyline. It's truly unique. The idea that it's just a big nothing burger, that Gimple just decided to ditch it for no reason, doesn't make any sense.

I'm going to use this to transition back to the rest of my notes from 11.18, because I do have some Grady things in there.

But first, I want to talk about Lance Hornsby, whose motivations are starting to crystallize a little bit. Ultimately, is there any question anymore that Lance is in league with the CRM? The first tell was when he gets very mouthy with Mercer after his capture, reminding Mercer that the reason "his men" don't listen to him is because they're "not [his] men."

Later, when he's talking to Pamela Milton, Lance makes some serious threats. He basically tells her that she NEEDS him. He says that without him, "certain alliances" and "certain stabilizing factors" will be lost to her. Further, when Pamela accuses Lance of playing a game he has no business playing, he almost laughs at her.

Lance may not be a blue blood, but he is a DOER. He's a mover and a shaker. He's a mobster, essentially.

Idk if any of you have read the book "Cannery Row" by John Steinbeck. But there is this incredible passage about the different types of "people" there are. He talks a lot about this one group of characters, called "Mack and the boys." Mack and the Boys are veritable blots on the town. They are also politicians. They are diplomats. They can talk their way in and out of everything. In the book (which I don't have in front of me so I unfortunately can't quote from it), Steinbeck compares the different types of people to different types of animals. So like, predator and prey. Mack and the Boys are SCAVENGERS. They make the most out of others' misfortunes AND good fortunes. They can turn any situation toward their own advantage, and this is a special skill. So even though they're "blots on the town," they're unsavory characters, typically unworthy of respect, they're also very good at getting the things that they want.

That's Lance Hornsby. So, I think that Lance, in all of his pathological ambition, and unable to change his stars (he comes from a long line of gear heads, just like Daryl--he's a nobody just like Daryl), has found other ways to elevate his status, and other means of "clout" to gather. And I think in doing this, he's effectively gone over Pamela's head. For a long time, he tried to use this to please her, to try and get his foot in the door, maybe she'd let him become a part of her "club," but now that she's ready to throw him under the bus for her degenerate son, he's risen above all that. He's given into the darkness. He's just going to go all in on this other enterprise, which, I think, is the CRM.

Obviously, we still don't know the backstory, but it seems to me that Lance has known Pamela for a lot of years. I can't tell if maybe he's an adopted brother, an illegitimate son, maybe? Or just a childhood friend, a la the Talented Mr. Ripley. I looked into his character in the comics and there's no known information about him pre-apocalypse, so whatever vibe they're trying to introduce between him and Pamela (ie: when she said that thing about how he has been ambitious their "entire lives") is a pure product of the show. Anyway, I am thinking that Lance is at least the doorway to the CRM here, and I still think this might also be part of how he knows about Leah.

I wanted to comment, too, on the "Founders Day" celebration, and how it kind of reminds me of an inversion of "Monument Day," which they observe in World Beyond as a memorial to the original outbreak, or the Fall. The whole Founders Day thing was also heavily reminiscent of Woodbury, how they held that totally insane wrestling match? Reminded me of a more organized, glossy version of the gladiator matches at Woodbury, where the people kill and torture walkers for catharsis.

When I think of Woodbury now, too, I'm sort of reminded of "Davon," or the short story "The Lottery," which both feature antiquated, barbaric traditions that lead down the path of human destruction. The events in Madawaska call us back to the barbarism of the witch burnings in the 1600s, and in Woodbury, walkers are killed and tortured for fun, sometimes people are pitted against them earnestly. These things are centered as necessary for catharsis, for people to feel safe within rules and tradition, but they're full-on hellish. I think a lot of that feeds into the entire essence of the Commonwealth.

The Woodbury imagery also makes me think we are once again turning back the clock. In our approach to the D.C. al Coda, which begins with Hershel's death, is the Commonwealth serving as the proxy for Woodbury? This would help us place where we're at in terms of Hershel's death (the start of the D.C. al Coda) and Beth's death (the end of the D.C. al Coda).

Think about it. Pamela Milton, the Governor of the Commonwealth, is beginning to lose hold of her people and her organization due to a group of nosy outsiders. Her child (Sebastian) is killed by Judith. This is sure to begin a war that will now extend beyond the walls of the CW, marching right up to Team Family's doorstep. In season 3, the Governor of Woodbury begins to lose control of his people and his organization, due to a small group of meddling outsiders. His child is killed by Michonne. This begins a war that extends beyond the walls of Woodbury, with the Governor marching straight to Team Family's doorstep. The parallelism here is very loud.

Another thing going on in the background of Woodbury, remember, is Dr. MILTON Mamet, who is doing experiments on walkers to try and measure whether they have retained any memories or emotional attachments to their lives before they died. I can't confirm whether Dr. Milton was a character in the comics, which makes me think he's not; however, Robert Kirkman has the writing credit on 3.8 "Made to Suffer," which is the episode in which Michonne kills Penny, the Governor's reanimated daughter.

I'm just drawing connections here between season 3 and the Commonwealth. I think there's a LOT of similarities here. It can help us to understand what's happening now, looking back. Secret research into walker intelligence, the Milton factor, barbaric traditions in "utopian" (dystopian) communities who are trying to "put the world back as it was," lead by despot, power-hungry "Governors" on power trips, who seem unable to let go of certain aspects of their pasts. Michonne and Judith parallels. What else?? Merle dies. Daryl struggles with his allegiances to himself and to his new family. Judith is born. Carol "dies." A military helicopter crashes in the woods. Just a lot going on here. I'm going to think on it more. But do you guys have any thoughts on this?

Something weird going on with the mass wardrobe choices at the CW, too, on Founder's Day. Everybody is wearing red, black, and/or white, which very few exceptions. Idk if this is just a thing ppl do at the CW, or if it's a huge example of the black/white theme with red mixed in, which harkens back to Through the Looking Glass, in which black is replaced with red as a commentary on the dark aspects of human nature.

To me, black/white with a red accent communicates a proximity to "the walking dead," or the underworld, whereas black/white with a green accent communicates proximity to the land of living. I've used Daryl's arrows to make this theory. His black/white fletched arrows have red nocks when he's in proximity to Leah and the Underworld, and they have green nocks when he's in proximity to his family.

Pamela is wearing an insane red suit at the Founder's Day celebration. I don't have a screenshot, but you know what I mean!

I loved the story that Daryl told Judith about how he used to run away, how he'd go down and wait by the river until his dad fell asleep. He hasn't told any stories in a while.

I also noticed in this episode that the CW really just sort of looks like Terminus. It's clear that it's designed around a massive train station and train depot. This is not an accident.

There's this very weird shot of surgical scissors, gauze, and instruments that REALLY made me think they're trying to play up the whole medical theme, ie: the disappearances from the hospital. There are other medical things going on, too, like Ezekiel's surgery, the appendectomy, and Annie's pregnancy complication. This is a CRM thing, I'm like, certain, and there's no way this doesn't all connect back to Grady. Like I said, that's an unfinished storyline. There's more to it. It's only a matter of time.

There's literally no reason to zoom in on these instruments and gauze here. Annie isn't having a procedure done. She's just having an ultrasound. This has nothing to do with pregnancy. It's pure Grady imagery.

Lastly, today I just wanted to point out an irony that takes place at the end of 11.18. In the comics, Sebastian is the character who kills Rick Grimes. Now we have Judith killing Sebastian with Rick's gun. Just feels like a kind of metafictional revenge.

Oh, I wanted to add one thing about Annie’s amniotic fluid thing. I agree with what was said about this probably leading to Annie’s disappearance or her going to the CRM for “treatment.” The juxtaposition of her situation with Grady imagery, and “surgical” imagery more broadly, inclines me to think that there may be some sort of research or “Guinea pig” angle to her imminent internment at the CRM, which will also create a vector to Grady.

We can really see now how Madison Clark’s storyline is beginning to intersect with the flagship, too, via Annie and Negan’s storyline. It’s clear now why they astroturfed that marriage/baby thing with Annie, and also why they set Negan up as a husband via the “Here’s Negan” episode. We see in that episode how he screwed up in that role and how his desperation to atone for his infidelity ultimately led to Lucille’s suicide and Negan’s descent. This is now his “second chance,” and because of “Here’s Negan,” we know how far he is willing to go to save the woman he loves.

Only this time he won’t be alone. We can see now how certain characters are “connecting” to the CRM: Daryl via the French connection and possibly Team Primrose, Maggie/Negan via Annie’s pregnancy, Eugene via T. Brooks Ellis. Madison Clark’s storyline (or maybe this is more aptly put as Morgan’s storyline) is really looking like a drawstring here, too. Kids and pregnant women are all in danger. Of what, we don’t know yet. We know they don’t want families. They only want kids. Sounds like they’re making an army, or possibly using them as Guinea pigs. Dwight and Sherry are also on this conveyor belt. So many disparate lines are finally beginning to converge. I’m super excited!!

Also, worth noting that Fear is still several years behind TWD. So, whatever is brewing there has already happened. Where the two stories end up meeting will be super interesting indeed. Al and Isabel are also “rogue elements” here. Certainly, I can see them getting involved in some sort of resistance. I also speculated that it’s possible they’ve met Maggie, based on their current proximity to Knoxville…

@wdway:

All of this is wonderful! Starting with your comment about the similarities of Beth's and the comic Invincible characters both being Hero Journey storyline. I had a palm to the forehead moment when I read that. And with that thought we definitely have to throw Daryl into that mix also. Love it!

Lance being connected to the CRM has been hinted at from the beginning of his introduction to the audience I believe. It was certainly more subtle in the beginning but now they're bringing it more into the light. Just the fact that he has this whole group of agents some former CIA assassins and numerous soldiers at his disposal that are not part of the CW, I mean seriously, where else could they have possibly come from if not the CRM?

We have talked since the introduction of Annie's character about suspecting that her story would be part of little Herschel's and that is what will lead to Maggie and Negan's spin-off. The last episode of Fear really set up what to look for and understand what's about to happen. For the audience members who have not watched Fear or TWB, I can totally understand why they are confused and in the dark about what could possibly happen.

I am looking forward to seeing all these different spinoffs storylines collide. I do agree that either Maggie and Al have already met or something will happen that will bring about the meeting. I think that might be towards the end of Maggie's and Negan spinoff. It will be the next step leading into the next flagship after all the limited episode spin-offs.

#beth greene #beth greene lives #beth is alive #beth is coming #td theory #td theories #team delusional #team defiance #beth is almost here #bethyl

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ironamour · 3 years ago

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dkfembk fic where they're together, and while they love each other very much, they've been fighting a lot recently. Like, non-stop yelling and heated arguments ending only in slammed doors and sullen silence. Bk gets in trouble or something one day so she can't go out on patrols and can't partner up with anyone as they go on patrols. Dk and bk have another fight that evening, something about how kacchan needs to stop being so fucking aggressive and mean all the time and how if she was a bit nicer and wasn't so hostile, shit like this wouldn't happen.

As soon as deku says that, it gets quiet and kacchan just looks at him, eyes wide, gaze incredulous and hurt. Deku looks back at her, eyes blazing a furious green. There are specks of drying spit on his chin from how aggressively he had been shouting. He goes on to say that he's so irritated and annoyed all the time with kacchan and how exhausting it is for him to come home to her bitching day in and day out.

He leaves, slamming the door behind him, leaving kacchan behind.

The next day, deku gets hit with a curse that wipes his memories and makes him forget the last ten years of his life. He doesn't remember graduating UA , doesn't remember going from a sidekick to a pro hero, doesn't remember any of it.

He remembers his relationship with kacchan of course, he's known her his whole life, and he eagerly asks her question after question, eyes bright and shining.

And kacchan studies him for a few minutes, analyzing his face and taking note of his bright eyes and eager smile, and realizes it's been a while since she's seen him smile like that. And she can't help but think, is it because of me? Did I ruin him? Am I really that awful that I inadvertently destroyed his happiness and peace? And the longer she looks at him, the more certain she is that the answer to that question is a firm yes.

And so she decides, then and there, she's not going to tell them about their relationship. This is a clean slate, a chance for deku to "start over" with someone new. Someone softer and sweeter, someone that won't make him bitter and angry all the time. It breaks her heart to do it, eyes burning with the threat of tears, but she knows it's the right decision to make.

When he asks her if he's in a relationship with anyone, eyes averted shyly, blush on his cheeks, she grimaces at the pain that lances through her, knowing what she has to do.

With a deep breath she tells him no, he's not seeing anyone that she knows of. When he droops at the news, depressed at his continued lack of game, she can't help but comfort him. Bringing a hand up to pat his shoulder, she can't help but snort internally at the irony. How before his accident, she knew fuck all about how to comfort him. In fact, she never seemed to know what to do or how to do it when he actually needed it from her, but now that he's not in love with her anymore, she's suddenly all about cuddles and comfort.

"Deku," she begins, voice rough. "You're not seeing anyone now, but that doesn't mean you won't ever be. You're a fucking catch, or whatever."

She grunts at the teary look of shock and gratitude he gives her, unwilling to accept any praise or thanks.

Eventually deku gets out of the hospital, healthy except for his memory, and while kacchan silently grieves for her lost love, she remains determined to keep their previous relationship a secret. As the days turn into weeks that turn into a month, she knows that this was the best thing she could have ever done for deku.

And then one day, deku gets his memory back.

It happens suddenly and unexpectedly, while he's sitting and watching TV with kacchan and a few of their classmates. The both of them rewatching an all might documentary for the nth time.

They're all laughing at something, maybe the outfits or at a joke kaminari made, when suddenly deku gasps and squeezes his eyes shut.

Kacchan, who had been sitting next to him, turns at the noise and quickly becomes alarmed when she sees pain writ across his face.

But before she can't do anything more than reach her hand out, deku blinks his eyes open.

"Deku? Are you okay?" Kacchan asks, worry heavy in her voice.

Deku turns to look at her, eyes a little glazed over and hazy. After a few more blinks, his eyes clear up and sharpen as they look her over.

"Kacchan," he begins, voice low but clear. "I remember everything."

By now everyone has turned to look at them, the volume on the TV on low.

#dkbk #dkfembk #fem kacchan #fem katsuki #wip #idk what this is gomen🤷‍♀️#long post

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florrickandassociates · 4 years ago

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TGF Thoughts: 5x02-- Once there was a court...

Season five is off to a great start. I’m feeling more energized about TGF than I have in ages, maybe since the beginning of season three. After the mostly standalone premiere, I wasn’t sure what to expect from the rest of the season. Episode two introduced a lot of new elements that I’m intrigued by and excited about, so here’s hoping the rest of the season can sustain that energy. (Many) more thoughts under the cut.

And, again, since the most consistent thing about Tumblr is its inability to roll out new features that are actually helpful, here is a link to view the post so you don’t have to read it all on your dash. (Omg, Tumblr, not only do you force people to keep reading on their dashes but you also jump down to the middle of the post when the full version opens? Do you have ANYONE beta test these features?)

Reddick/Lockhart is bustling when the episode opens. The fact they’re calling it Reddick/Lockhart seems like an indication that Liz chose to partner with Diane—it's not. The firm just needs a name, and it can’t have Boseman in it. (The signage still says RBL... for now.)

Everyone in reception is talking animatedly, except for Carmen Moyo, who’s just taking it all in. You might be tempted to read her as nervous. You would be very, very wrong. But we don’t know that now. Right now, it wouldn’t be wrong to assume she’s Maia 2.0. This scene strongly parallels Maia’s first day at the firm (opening with the reception saying “Good morning” and the firm name, then showing new associates waiting for an orientation by David Lee). And in that scene, Maia is absolutely nervous, like you’d expect a new hire might be.

Carmen focuses on another associate’s hand. I assume this is meant to be a parallel to how Maia fidgets with her rosary ring in that initial scene. Carmen then peels a price tag off her portfolio—possibly another Maia parallel, since the portfolio Diane gives Maia is such an important symbol in Maia’s arc.

I also see shades of Alicia and her first scene here—Alicia's silent and focuses on small details (the thread on Peter’s jacket) too.

I don’t say any of this in hopes of comparing Carmen directly to either of those characters. Carmen is not like any other character this show has had before. But these parallels are quite good at establishing character, building intrigue, and showing contrast (even if you don’t see them as parallels, we’re still getting a lot about Carmen just from watching her reactions, even if we don’t yet have the context to understand how to read Carmen). Since I’m now thinking about Maia and Alicia, I’m also now thinking about how Carmen is different from them and triangulating her spot in this universe—that's a good thing. She’s not a copy of either character, but I understand a little more about what the writers are telling me about her from the parallels.

The RBL sign in the background is being taken off the wall. It falls and adds even more chaos to reception.

David Lee walks in and screams, “Stand up! Those seats are for clients.” This is the exact same language he uses in the 1x01 scene; this is definitely an intentional parallel.

Btw Carmen already has more personality than Maia and she’s been in one episode so far! I didn’t hate 1x01 Maia, but I will say that nearly everything that intrigued me about early Maia was that I could project more about Alicia (whom I, obviously, care a lot about) onto her. I can and will compare Carmen to Alicia, but when I do, it won’t be because Carmen is an interesting lens through which to analyze Alicia... it will be because Alicia is interesting precedent to use to understand Carmen.

I still hate Maia, yep.

David Lee accidentally instructs a client to stand and then has to save face, heh.

In David’s tour of the office, we see the partners squabbling. Sounds about right. And STR Laurie is still a thing, which explains why David is there (though not why he is giving a tour).

Throughout the tour, we get a lot of shots of Carmen. Again, she’s silent and looks like she could be nervous. (Spoiler: this is a fakeout and when you rewatch this scene, you can see what new cast member Charmaine Bingwa is doing here—expertly putting on a face that looks like anxiety in one context, but is actually just Carmen calmly sizing things up.)

Marissa eagerly joins the tour. “That’s right. They’re letting you play lawyer, Marissa. How nice,” David says. Carmen takes this in, too. “Fucking prick,” Marissa mutters. Carmen hears.

David Lee introduces “someone from HR” which is a great sign that HR is very effective at this firm.

In the conference room, the partners are still arguing about who should replace Adrian. Diane tries the “all options are open to us and we plan to decide in the next 48 hours” strategy, but this audience is too smart for that. Madeline asks about the new leadership structure. (I am kind of hoping that one nice side effect of having to kind of shoot the season in a COVID bubble will be that we’ll get more small recurring characters. Madeline’s been around for a little while but we’re already seeing her get to do more this year.)

“Diane and I are going to run the firm together. For now,” Liz says. Oh, no, Liz, do not open the door to change. Letting the partners know you’re not sure is probably the worst strategy. You’ve gotta decide or they’ll sense weakness.

“Just the two of you? A black firm being run by a white woman?” a partner asks. “Well, I’m not running it alone. I’m here to assist Liz,” Diane says, trying to deflect. “Really? Because she needs assistance?” he counters. Diane doesn’t know what to say, but she and Liz both know these questions aren’t going to go away.

HR is running an orientation for the new hires and it involves having them all take pieces of toilet paper. Man, I hate ice breakers. Carmen takes a moderate amount and then passes it to Marissa, who takes only one square. Carmen notes this and makes eye contact with Marissa. And this is where it starts to become obvious that Carmen is not nervous—just observant and not chatty. Carmen knows Marissa is one to watch from how David reacted to her presence. She gives Marissa a look that’s meant to be noticed and start a conversation. It works, and Marissa explains that for each square you take, you have to share a fact about yourself. Carmen hates this and hides the rest of the toilet paper so she only has one square.

Liz tries to say there will be a discussion about the partnership, and Daniel (that’s what the captions call him, though they do reference him as “Barry” at one point but I'm like 99% sure I know which actor is Barry and it’s not him) says it feels like they’re just being told what the new state of things is. Liz says she hears him but right now they need a senior associate to backfill Lucca.

Daniel doesn’t think they need one. I don’t get why, unless it has to do with the budget cuts.

“We need someone with real experience to take on her caseload,” Liz notes. Hell yeah you do!

Liz asks if any of the partners want to take over family law. None do.

After the meeting, Liz asks Diane if she can call a head hunter. Diane approves. David Lee pops up to ask which one of them is taking Boseman’s office and they haven’t discussed it yet. I love that they managed to order a sign with their names on it before they’ve talked about how being partners will actually work.

(Also, Adrian’s office is quite obviously going to end up with Liz. And it would be weird if it were Diane, anyway, because it’s Diane’s old office from Lockhart/Gardner and it would look it if she sat there again lol)

David notes that an empty corner office looks like failure. He is correct. He gives them until Friday to decide.

Marissa does not like the ice breaker at all and pointedly notes she only has one secret, and it is that she used to be married to a mime. She makes a whole bit out of it and then whispers to Carmen, “I usually just make things up.”

Carmen’s next and she finally gets to speak her first words of the series. You know who else didn’t speak at all in her first scene? Alicia Florrick. Very different scenes, but I can’t help but think this is intentional. From what I’ve seen of Carmen, both she and Alicia use silence strategically and are comfortable with quiet. Alicia’s first scene is silent because she doesn’t need to use words to be expressive, but it does establish that she’s going to be a character with a lot of internal thoughts she won’t vocalize and that she’s observant and tries to maintain composure. Sure, you can watch the first scene of Pilot and just see a woman who’s stunned into silence, but when you watch it knowing Alicia and realize how much of the essential parts of her character are in her totally silent intro sequence that kicks off the show... it’s kind of amazing.

So comparing Carmen’s introduction to that? I mean this as a huge compliment. Carmen deploys silence for reasons both similar and different to Alicia. While Alicia uses silence to maintain some kind of boundary between her inner thoughts and the outside world, Carmen uses it to get a chance to observe and take things in without showing her cards. (We do see Alicia do that as well, especially at work, but I would call this a side-effect of Alicia being a quiet person rather than her intention; Carmen seems to be more conscious of how she uses her silence.)

Carmen is from Victorville, California. That means nothing to me but I’m sure there’s some significance. Carmen mimics Marissa’s response when asked for her secrets—she also responds with, “secret,” emphasizing she only has one. But what she says next also shows her in contrast to Marissa. She says her secret is she hates games. We already know so much about her and she’s said like ten words!

I think it’s smart to set Carmen up as a contrast to other characters. I know who Carmen is not because of how she differs from more familiar presences like Alicia, Maia, and Marissa. Marissa hates ice breakers, but her reaction to them is to use them as an opportunity to say something funny and over the top. Many others (including probably both Alicia and Maia) would likely resent the activity but play along and say something unremarkable (I could see Alicia overthinking it and sharing something surprisingly quirky though!). Carmen just does not give a fuck, and in a different way than Marissa doesn’t give a fuck. Marissa insinuates that she thinks the whole activity is stupid... Carmen just flat out says it. I would not pull this move on my first day of a new job! And that is the point—who is this person who is so self-assured she’s willing to insult HR on her very first day of her very first job as a lawyer?

ALL OF THIS FROM A FEW WORDS AND SOME WELL-ACTED GLANCES! As I said, I’m very intrigued by Carmen. I have some questions about the logistics of this plot, her endgame, and how she’ll function when brought into the firm drama/debate plots, but for now, I only have good things to say.

Liz interrupts the ice breaker to announce that everyone will be assigned a mentor. She then pauses to greet Marissa, which Carmen, again, notices. Liz is really there to say that they’ll be working on client maintenance that day, and each new hire will get to help with one of their clients. When she reads off their top clients, all the hands shoot up—except Carmen’s.

Madeline’s last name is Gilford. Noted. John’s last name is Wilson.

No one raises their hand to assist with Oscar Rivi, who is in a maximum-security prison. Carmen confidently raises her hand.

Barry’s last name is Poe. Noted.

Marissa and Carmen exchange glances. Super curious to see how this evolves. There are too many Marissa/Carmen exchanges in this episode for the writers to not plan to have them interact more in the future.

I’m kind of loving that it seems like the show’s leads are now Diane, Liz, Marissa, and Carmen. Diane’s obviously great, Liz is someone who’s been deserving of leading material for ages, Carmen seems interesting, and I’m so impressed they have managed to make Marissa, usually good in small doses, into a character who can handle larger plots without wearing on my patience (like that awful Elsbeth centric episode of Wife).

Diane has a client who received a summons directly, which Diane finds strange. But, since she is already working with this client on the same case (teaching kids during COVID) in another court, Diane is optimistic about this second suit. She thinks it could set a good precedent.

Diane introduces Phoebe, an associate who will help out on the case. Diane says she’s not personally going because it’s a formality and Diane needs to work on the brief. I’m like 99% sure Diane isn’t personally going because Diane’s role here is to convince the client she’s getting senior-level attention while having junior people do the work, but nice story!

Diane asks Marissa to go along with Phoebe. Marissa thinks she’s going to get to argue in court... Diane says no, Marissa gets to hand hold a client.

Oscar Rivi is basically Lemond Bishop, which is the only explanation I have for why RL would represent him. And, you’ll recall, I didn’t understand why RL would represent Bishop either. But we’ll just have to go with it.

(I think representing multiple drug lords is probably a bigger PR issue for RL than having a white partner! How come no one ever talks about this! Actually, new complaint: wasn’t Liz, who now has more power than before, the one who was most against representing Bishop?)

(I guess it may make sense that she’d be more okay with this Rivi dude than Bishop. Whatever Rivi’s done, I don’t think he’s threatened Liz’s kid like Bishop did!)

(Also, I’m fine with them switching it up and suddenly having this new drug kingpin. Mike Colter is obviously unavailable since he’s a lead on Evil, and I was tired of Bishop anyway. If the writers stop using Bishop and Sweeney as shorthands for corruption I will be very happy; I don’t think there’s much more mileage left there. Speaking of, Dylan Baker popped up in 2x02 of Evil!)

“I don’t want you to be intimidated,” Barry tells Carmen as they arrive at Rivi’s prison. Carmen reads articles about Rivi on her phone, saying she’s taking notes. Barry tells Carmen to “sit, listen, leave.” But then he discovers his ID is expired (he didn’t get it renewed during the pandemic) and he can’t go visit Rivi as a result. Carmen says she’s fine alone—she'll sit, listen, leave. She’s calm and not at all cocky as she says it, and it really takes until she’s actually talking with Rivi to realize that she’s not (just?) a hypercompetent law school grad trying to impress. She doesn’t seem to care at all what people, no matter how powerful, think of her, as long as she’s able to find security of any sort. (Tbh, it is kind of amazing she doesn’t get fired in this episode.)

(I’m getting ahead of myself but in Alicia’s first ep, she also changes up strategies on the partners. Alicia does it almost without realizing she’s gone against their wishes—she's just sure of the right strategy—and Carmen does it much more intentionally.)

Marissa and Phoebe can’t locate Judge Wackner’s court. Marissa asks a security guard she’s friendly with (of course she is) for help. He says there’s no Judge Wackner there, and the security guard notices that it’s a summon for a “9 ¾ Circuit.” The guard laughs at the Harry Potter reference; Marissa is not amused. They leave the courthouse when Marissa spots a sign for “9 ¾". She follows the sighs down an alley. Phoebe wants nothing to do with this; Marissa and the client are intrigued. They end up in a store called Copy Coop and are directed to a warehouse.

In the warehouse, an argument is resolved through Rock, Paper, Scissors. Then it’s Marissa’s turn. She asks for a continuance just like she was supposed to, but she uses the wrong phrasing. Judge Wackner notices. That’s when Marissa notes she’s not a lawyer, and Wackner responds that he’s not a licensed judge. So it’s fine that Marissa isn’t a lawyer.

Marissa tries to protest again that she’s not a lawyer, and Wackner basically tells her to proceed anyway. The client wants to stay, weird as this fake court seems.

Carmen reads with Rivi. She stares at him, getting him to speak first. His translator asks if there’s another lawyer with her; she just introduces herself. The translator does a terrible job of translating Rivi’s complaints, sharing very little of what Rivi said with Carmen.

Unsurprisingly (to me at least, because scenes like this ALWAYS have the twist where a character doesn’t let on that they speak the language until the exact right moment), Carmen speaks Spanish.

She lets Rivi know she speaks Spanish AND insults the translator in one go. Pretty big move. That gets Rivi’s attention and he kicks out the translator. He asks who she is and she repeats her name again (characters reacting like this will never not remind me of “Who are you?” “Kalinda.”).

Carmen notes that she’s just out of law school, explaining that’s why she’s eager to help. She doesn’t reveal that by mistake—she's using it to her advantage.

Credits! As I predicted, things are blowing up again this week like normal. No more kittens and puppies. There’s a new couch that blows up in the credits. Wackner’s desk also makes it in. I can’t remember if the purses were in this position before; they might be new. All the exploding TVs show footage of January 6th (which I hear is going to be a major theme of the season, though it’s not heavily featured in this episode). And the zoomed in shot of the closet (that I’ve never really liked) is gone, as is the falling curtain!

I still hate the font of the logo for this show. I also don’t understand why the show seems to have three logos—the one that’s the TGW logo but with “fight”, the one in the credits, and whatever the one they’ve come up with for this season’s marketing materials is. I like that they’re trying with the marketing of this season but I don’t get why the show has three logos.

While I’m talking about the marketing, can we just talk about the “Goodbye Lucca” graphic the official social media account posted? It had a fucking crown drawn over her head like this is a 2013 Tumblr shitpost!!! Who are they targeting with this?! WHO ARE THEY MARKETING TO? DOES THIS WORK ON ANYONE??? It literally says, “Chi-Town” on it. I cringed so hard. Sometimes I feel like the marketing of this show is meant to cater to the people who would, like, watch the credits of last week’s episode and be like, “Yes! It IS all now puppies and kittens! Everything bad in the world has been resolved!”

But hey, at least it’s better than the absolute trash they used to post for TGW. Remember when there’d be episodes about Alicia making career moves and they’d be like, “#TeamPeter or #TeamWill????”

OR, OR OR OR, the fucking time they tried to crosspromote TGW and the Victoria’s Secret Fashion show (yes) with a tweet that read, “All ‘Saint Alicia’ needs is a pair of wings&she practically turns into an Angel.” I... have no words.

Hey, Caleb is back! I was not expecting them to actually wrap up his arc with Liz. I think I’m actually pretty thankful it’s ending like this—he comes back for what I assume is one last episode and I don’t actually have to deal with the Liz/Caleb plot. Apparently the writers were setting that up so they could do some plots about power dynamics and interracial couples and who is seen as having power. Caleb and Liz were going to have an encounter with the police, who were going to listen to Caleb instead of Liz even though this encounter would’ve taken place in Liz’s house and Liz is the name partner and Caleb the employee. Interesting enough, but anything boss/employee just squicks me out and I don’t need it around and Liz deserves better.

But I did like Caleb as a character, so I’m glad he gets an exit, unlike past characters who have just disappeared. (Remember Robyn Burdine? Or that time Taye Diggs was a major character for two seconds?)

Liz was NOT expecting to see Caleb as a candidate for Lucca’s old role. Things are instantly awkward. I guess Caleb left STR Laurie?

Diane immediately senses that things are awkward with Liz and Caleb. Caleb is very professional throughout all this. Diane gets an important call and leaves the room, so Caleb and Liz can chat privately.

Caleb says he thought Liz was reaching out; Liz says she should’ve reached out but things ended abruptly. Love that Caleb checks that no one else is in the room with Liz before getting even more personal. He says they should just act like nothing ever happened between them and Liz asks if he can do that. “I’m the employee. Of course I can,” he says. This is why you don’t sleep with employees.

He says he really does want the job and he liked the firm. Liz says she’ll talk to Diane. Caleb says if it doesn’t work out he’ll be fine.

Phoebe tells Diane about 9 ¾ and Diane does not understand... at all. “If it has no power, and it doesn’t have jurisdiction, what does it have?” Diane wonders.

A little more on the case: RL is representing a woman who taught a small group of students during the pandemic, and some parents are suing her for preaching socialism at the children.

The woman suing did NOT like being called a Karen by her daughter or being compared to the family from Parasite. She wants a refund.

Marissa objects and makes up her own grounds, realizing that since it’s not a real court, she can object for any reasons she wants—as long as they follow common sense.

These scenes could so easily feel ridiculous, like a gag that goes on for too long. They do not. There’s just enough zany humor and theatrics to make the 9 ¾ court feel surreal. And, most helpfully, Wackner is a GREAT judge. He is engaged with the work and only concerned with the facts and arguments rather than politics. He’s tough but fair. He’s direct and he maintains control over his court. He’d be one of the best judges in a normal court. His sincerity is enough to make you wonder why courts DON’T operate like this. It’s easy to see why the characters are sold on this BS-free, rational, and effective system, even if it makes no sense that it would exist and it has no power. It’s simultaneously idealistic (if only things were resolved fairly) and threatening (how can something like this exist?! What does it mean that the real courts are so ineffective that there’s a need for something like this?! What happens if this goes beyond what are basically mediations for simple issues?).

This type of thought experiment is where TGF excels. I think they were going for something like this with Memo 618 (which hasn’t gone away!), but that arc always felt like it was on the verge of going off the rails. Mandy Patinkin’s performance and the writing for the 9 ¾ court already have me more invested in this than I was in Memo 618.

Marissa tries yet again to wait for help to arrive, but Wackner insists that they keep things moving. She tries to stall and ends up referencing George Clooney. Wackner cuts through that, too—he hates speeches “unless I'm giving them, and even then I’m just trying to stall.” Then he holds up a sign that reads, “CUT THE SHIT” and the audience laughs. He says this isn’t the kind of court where you can just run out the clock. Kind of ridiculous that real court IS that kind of court, no? (And that’s why this is an effective device so far.) (I say so far because I have watched content from these writers for long enough to know that things that work in small doses or initially can go wildly off the rails.)

Marissa changes strategies and does what she does best: she goes on instinct and adjusts her strategy as she goes. She eventually catches the woman accusing her client of teaching socialism in a lie about Parasite. It’s very Legally Blonde and very smart of Marissa. And I’m rather proud of myself for seeing what Marissa was doing (getting the woman to commit to a time frame and then baiting her to talk about a moment that proved the time frame fake) before she revealed what she was doing.

Sarah Steele is so good in this scene. I love her smile when she realizes the woman took the bait, and that she reacts with “AHA!” instead of something more proper. This is pretty much the perfect court for Marissa.

Diane and Jay arrive; are confused.

Carmen leaves Rivi after quite a bit of time has passed, making Barry nervous. Carmen tells him very little and repeats that she sat, listened, and left. She told the translator to go fuck himself (almost in those words) so she’s gotta know that Barry will hear what happened from someone. She does not care. She lies to Barry like it’s nothing.

Diane does not understand the 9 ¾ court, nor does she understand why a non-lawyer like Marissa is arguing. She does not understand why losing in this venue would matter or why a lawyer she knows (ha, I looked him up to see if he’d been on Wife or Fight before, and he has... as a totally different character!) is there.

“Okay, I’m losing my mind. Look, this is not legal. We have got to get out of here,” Diane says. Toni, the client, wants to stay.

I don’t actually know the answer to this—would there be repercussions to someone who is a member of the bar participating in something like this? Everyone knows it’s not real or binding, so nothing is being misrepresented, but this FEELS illegal?

Toni notes that a lot of people suing her are there watching, so walking out or losing would look bad. She also likes Judge Wackner because he is “better than the judges in real court.”

“Diane, what is real?” the client asks when Diane points out again that this court is fake. The client’s spent 8 months on this case in limbo, so this feels like reality to her. Fair point.

Diane chats with the other lawyer and asks what he’s doing here. He says he’s getting paid—with business down and court dockets backlogged (how much would that affect a large firm that settles most cases out of court? I’m actually curious about this), it’s a good source of money.

Diane realizes it’s basically arbitration. Then says she doesn’t understand anything anymore. The other lawyer replies, “Sure you do. That’s why this is throwing you. Welcome to 2021.” Yup.

Diane goes with it. A former teacher is on the stand. He’s got a grudge and wants money, so he’s helping out. He tries to say something that is the most obvious hearsay ever... and Wackner has no problem with it. Marissa likes that.

Wackner basically says he’s fine with hearsay because he can use his brain to figure out what’s real and what’s fake, just like we all do every day. Crosstalk is also allowed.

Wackner also doesn’t allow for bullshit breaks where lawyers tell clients what to say, because he “likes the truths found in sudden utterances.” All his rules make a lot of sense. They are all also counter to every single sneaky legal strategy these characters tend to use.

Toni made a comment that she “couldn’t fall in love with anyone who voted for Trump.” That gives a point to the plaintiff. Diane notes that this belief is shared with most of the country, and Wackner asks her if she shares it. “I’m not the question,” Diane replies, because she definitely doesn’t want to talk about her husband who worked in the Trump administration.

Wackner flat out tells Diane that Marissa should argue instead of her. “Marissa is not a lawyer,” Diane tries to say. “Well, I’m not a judge!” Wackner responds. And that’s it for the day.

Diane asks Jay for intel, and then we get one of the most effective Jay scenes in a while—he bonds with the Copy Coop security guard, who only has good things to say about Wackner. I like how the writers use COVID in this episode—they treat it like it’s recent past (fingers crossed) and reference it when it makes sense, like how the courts are backlogged, or this guard was laid off.

The security guard notes that he thinks Wackner is building something good in his spare time. He also notes that Wackner is a big Grateful Dead fan.

Carmen takes it upon herself to visit someone else in prison to help Rivi. She points out they’re under surveillance and convinces this other dude to take the fall for Rivi so he can go free. It’s very smart. I assume this is all her own strategy, as we see her look up this other dude before she’s even met with Rivi, though it’s possible Rivi came up with some of it.

There is something about Carmen’s demeanor when she deals with clients that is very Alicia-like in interesting ways. She’s very direct and unflappable in a way that people seem to take to (remember how all the creeps loved Alicia?), and she only shows emotion when she decides to. The similarities stop there. Carmen doesn’t seem remorseful or conflicted (Alicia always did). Sociopathic definitely isn’t the right word for her, but I’d be lying if I didn’t say it didn’t cross my mind. Carmen knows that her clients are bad guys. That doesn’t trouble her. And she doesn’t try to take the easy way out—she does more than she needs to. I don’t know what she’s really trying to do here, but I suspect she does.

Carmen is 28, just fyi.

Liz gets a call from Charles Lester. Obviously, Lester now works for Rivi, because Rivi is New Bishop. (Usually I’m a bit against saying any character is the new version of an old one, like how Lucca was not the new Kalinda (even if she was brought in to bring new energy to the space Kalidna occupied) or how Carmen is not the new Lucca (same), but I’m pretty comfortable saying Rivi is New Bishop. He’s not the same personality, but he... is New Bishop.)

Lester notes that Rivi only wants to meet with Carmen from now on. Liz does not understand this and she’s not thrilled with it. She notes that Carmen is a first year who has been there for two days, but she doesn’t want to lose Rivi’s business so she goes along with it. Was that Carmen’s endgame? Job security? Does she not care about the RL job and see a good opportunity to... just represent Rivi without a firm behind her? I can’t tell.

(This is where I could see this arc faltering. I get why Liz keeps Carmen on—she doesn’t want to lose the client—but I don’t really understand why Liz wants Rivi as a client. Losing Carmen who’s been there for two days and Rivi who she probably doesn’t want to represent seems like a fine outcome to me. And, beyond that, if Carmen doesn’t care about the firm and also doesn’t need them, what’s in it for her to stay? I don’t think she really cares that the firm would have more resources to use in defending Rivi. Like, why isn’t the outcome here just that Carmen teams up with Lester and leaves RL behind?)

Diane listens to the Grateful Dead and writes down lyrics she can use in court. Kurt gets home from work. Diane asks him if he thinks she should give up her name partnership since it’s a black firm. Kurt asks if she’s the best lawyer there. She says no, but she’s one of the best, and besides, it’s a bad look and she wants to do what’s right for the firm. “You and I disagree on so much. You obviously ask my opinion because you know that I will argue something you know you won’t,” Kurt says. This is a very good, and very accurate, response.

Diane keeps going, though. Kurt plays along and starts talking about identity politics. Diane starts debating back, ignoring that Kurt is not really wanting to play devil’s advocate. Kurt doesn’t give Diane an easy out and tells her she’s right—she should step aside. That’s not what she wanted to hear. Kurt laughs and then goes to take a shower.

Liz is eyeing Adrian’s office when Carmen walks up. She’s invited Carmen to talk to her. She asks her how things are going. Carmen just wants to know if she did something wrong. Carmen says she likes the firm and it’s great to be out of the legal clinics.

Liz shares the news that Rivi only wants Carmen going forward. Carmen is pleased and says that’s surprising... though she looks more pleased than surprised.

Liz suggests maintaining a professional distance, to which Carmen replies “I’m very professional.” “Oh, I don’t doubt it,” Liz tries to backtrack. “Is the firm dissatisfied with my work?” Carmen asks bluntly. Liz says no. “It’s my intention to treat all my clients like humans. Even the ones who might be murderers, or definitely are murderers. And I think Mr. Rivi might be responding to that because it’s something that he hasn’t received at this firm previously,” Carmen notes. This is QUITE the tone to take with your boss.

One question I have—and this is mostly inspired by the recap at I think Vulture?-- is to what extent Carmen knows what she’s doing. It seems like a lot. I can’t tell how much Carmen knows vs how much Carmen THINKS she knows. She’s definitely smart, and I don’t think she is an idealist (when she says her intention is to treat her clients like humans, she means that’s her strategy), but she is young and new to the law and only out for herself, which makes her vulnerable.

Liz does not take well to Carmen’s talk and notes she’s talking about her personal safety. Carmen thanks her and says she’d understand if Liz doesn’t want her on the case.

There is something a little unnerving about Carmen. She keeps saying things that are boldly inappropriate but masked by how professional and correct her arguments sound (like the line about treating clients like humans). And she has a way of gaining power over a conversation. Liz squirms way too much in that conversation and loses some of her control as a result.

I just need to know more about her!!! The fact that I can’t understand her makes her immediately interesting.

Diane and Liz interview Julius for Lucca’s position. They all know it would be a demotion for him, but they’re seriously considering it. I feel like this would look awful for the firm and they are going to handwave it anyway after a few lines about how bad it would look.

Diane quotes the Grateful Dead in court and it works. The other lawyer tries to quote songs too... it does not work.

Carmen gets Rivi a bunch of candy bars from the court vending machine so he can have a snack he enjoys. The security guard doesn’t want to let Rivi eat them, but Carmen is right that this is permissible. The guard smashes the bars in defeat. Carmen opens one for Rivi.

It is a little distracting to see the main characters pretend that COVID is in the past when the extras have masks, but honestly, that’s kind of what life is like right now?

Carmen zones out a little in court—not sure if she just does that or if she is trying to look unfamiliar with the rules so people will go easy on her/have low expectations. I think it’s a combination of both, considering that we’ve seen her laser-focus on things elsewhere in the episode AND she tells the judge it is her first day in court.

Court stuff happens; Carmen’s strategy works.

The judge tries to give Carmen advice and a warning. Liz is also there, watching, which is good because I was shocked anyone would let Carmen do this unsupervised.

Carmen is also kind of like if you removed all of Maia’s worst traits (her selfishness, her spoiled brat attitude, her sense of entitlement) and skipped right to her willingness to partner with Blum.

Liz and Carmen talk again, this time about the reputation of the firm. Liz notes that Carmen is clearly capable and reminds her sternly that she needs to conduct herself in a manner that does not put the firm at risk and that’s the only reminder she’s going to get. Carmen twirls a pen and stares at it instead of listening to Liz. She says she’s just listening like she’s perfectly innocent. It’s the right thing to say and, again, it’s SUPER UNNERVING.

“Wow. You really don’t give a shit what people think about you, do you?” Liz says in frustration. “I’m here to do a good job for my clients,” Carmen notes. Is she??? Does she just not care who she’s representing and want to do a good job, and that’s her whole motivation?? I would find that interesting but I need more to believe it. She’s so perplexing.

(Again, I don’t really get why Liz hasn’t fired her, because if she and Carmen keep having these interactions, Liz IS going to end up ceding all of her power and looking weak. But maybe Liz is as intrigued as I am.)

Liz also tells Carmen she’s going to be her mentor. Carmen says thanks and that she respected Liz’s father. Liz does NOT take that well. Audra’s reaction—a mix of shock, irritation, and confusion—is perfect here. I think Carmen is trying to say that she respected Carl Reddick—but she has no such respect for Liz. (It could also be about the sexual harassment, but I don’t think that’s public knowledge.)

I noticed earlier that the courtroom was #305 and was wondering why they chose that number (it’s similar to Courtroom 302, the book that inspired the bond court arc, which is why 305 stuck in my mind). I see now that the Copy Coop’s address is 305. Heh.

Turns out that the woman suing Toni is someone who would break COVID protocol and be generally terrible. I’m shocked.

Wackner decides to skip closing arguments and rule. He sides with Toni.

See, this is where this kind of thing is dangerous. Wackner is great and fair. But you can’t really replicate a system like this (though I also think this system would fail if replicated on too large of a scale; the reason it works is that everyone involved is buying into it and if it were to be corrupted no one would buy into it unless forced to—and if people are forced to buy into an extrajudicial system then that’s its own problem). What if some other judge were to just decide to skip closing arguments or decide suddenly a trial was over? That could be unfair in so many different ways.

After the resolution of the case there’s clapping and even Diane is surprised at how reasonable the verdict was.

Wackner then insists that everyone shake hands because “the thing we all crave most is respect and acknowledgement.” They also have to say, “I respect and I love you.” And they do! And no one even seems that unhappy with it Marissa and Toni are super into it.

And, someone in the gallery wants to get Marissa’s number because she did such a good job. Yep, sounds about right.

Diane fills Liz in, and Liz can’t believe it. Liz wants to hire Wackner (jokingly). Then she says she wants Julius since they know and trust him. Diane’s good with that, but she also chooses this moment to playfully let on that she knows Liz slept with Caleb. We’ve seen Diane observe Liz’s reaction to Caleb/mentions of Caleb all episode, and I don’t think it’s coincidental that Diane brings this up now, and in a friendly way. Diane doesn’t need to bring it up. I don’t think Diane needs the answer. I think she just wants to throw Liz off without making it obvious that’s what she’s doing.

I really, really hate to say it, because my whole thing about this season is wanting to see Liz be a great manager, but I don’t... actually think... Liz is a great manager? She’s second-guessing herself far too much. She’s more thrown in this scene than Carmen, who has like two days of experience, is by anything she encounters. And worse, she doesn’t hide it when she’s thrown. I think Liz is very smart and capable, but this episode is a pretty good case for why she might not be able to manage alone.

I know I’ve said that I want to see Liz manage and think she’d be good at it. I still think she could be. But I’ve also tended to think that Liz is a good manager and Adrian talks down at her, and I’ve dismissed some of her less strategic ideas as the fault of the Adrian/Liz dynamic. But nothing in this episode seems out of character, so now I’m less sure. (And to be clear, Liz not being a great manager isn’t a problem with the show, it’s actually pretty interesting to me.)

(Here are some of the things Liz has done in this episode alone that she needs to stop doing to be more effective: 1) Everything about her reaction to Caleb (and the fact she slept with him-- and yes I would, and did, say this about Will too so this is not a double standard!) 2) Not having a clear plan when meeting with the partners, even though she—and not Diane—is the one who is seen as having power. 3) Not being able to hold her own nearly as well as she should be able to with Carmen. I’m curious to see how the other partners hold up, and in fairness to Liz, I may be able to make this criticism of any character who doesn’t just immediately fire Carmen.)

And, I say all of this now because Diane in this scene is SO smart and SO strategic. She mentions Caleb to disarm Liz, then casually notes that she thinks Liz should take the corner office since it’s a black firm.

Liz isn’t sure if she should thank Diane for that (it is a little patronizing) but she does anyway.

Diane has another “last thing” to say, and it’s that she wants to bring on another partner, a black one. She wants to be in the discussion and to retain a name partner position. Liz says yes, as long as she has any power over the decision. This is a very smart move for Diane. It’s a compromise that’s to her benefit, and she makes the request of Liz at exactly the right time. I think Diane likes Liz as a person and wants to work with her, but she’s definitely buttering her up. This is kind of like an audition to show Liz that she should stick with Diane—Diane will be friendly with her! Diane won’t judge (but definitely knows about!) her indiscretions. Diane is reasonable and not power-hungry! Diane is understanding!

(And again, to be clear, I don’t think Liz is falling for Diane’s trap or anything. If Diane is smart enough to plan all this out, Diane is absolutely someone you’d want to keep on as a name partner. It’s just that Diane showing how smart she is, is a pretty stark contrast to Liz getting disrespected by a first-year associate.)

(And, because I feel like I'm being quite harsh on Liz, I don’t think Liz has handled the Carmen situation badly... yet. I just see signs that Carmen is able to shift the balance of power in her favor without really trying, and that Liz is getting flustered. I think Liz mentioning the mentorship is a way of Liz asserting power, and I think/hope that now that Liz knows the situation, she will try to regain control. And, I could very easily see this same plot happening but with Diane—it's just that there are a few other plots where Liz seems flustered in this episode alone, so it feels like a pattern. I’ll be looking out for more of this.)

Marissa and Carmen, both with large folders of casework, get in an elevator together. “So. I guess it begins,” Marissa says as the episode ends. I very much want to see more of Marissa and Carmen interacting. Mostly, I just want to see what Carmen does when she’s in situations that aren’t about representing a client or defending her work. I know what type of lawyer and employee she is, but who is she as a person?

Wow, this might be the most I’ve written about characters on TGF—as opposed to plots—in quite a while. I think that’s what has me so excited about this season. Carmen is interesting as a character because she’s so unique (or, perhaps, because she feels so much like a part of this universe yet so little like any other character—that's why I keep trying to compare her to others and find out where to place her). The 9 ¾ court is interesting because Wackner is so grounded, because it challenges Diane’s sense of reality in a way that’s new and interesting (this whole series is about making reality seem like it’s shifting under your feet; this is a new take on a familiar theme), and because it is a great match for Marissa’s personality and will give her a lot of opportunities for growth. It seems like we’re heading for some interesting material with Diane and Kurt, and there’s been a little bit of a tense undercurrent in their interactions in these first two episodes—I truly can’t tell if it’s supposed to be part of their banter or if there are mounting frustrations; I think the former but could see it being the latter. And, as I’d hoped, Liz is getting a lot more material.

#tgf thoughts #the good fight

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wearevillaneve · 4 years ago

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Hi! Recently I've been analyzing the scene where Eve puts the heart against her ear, listening to Villanelle's voice in s3 ep3, and would love to hear your take on it as well since I love to read your Tumblr posts. Do you think it was the first time Eve actually gave in to the feeling or just the first time the audience got to see it?

Suzanne Heathcote’s approach to Killing Eve was very much “tell-don’t-show,” so it was not a shock that the impression the viewers were left with was this was the first time Eve was actually owning up to how intense her feelings for Villanelle were. Except it wasn’t. Not even close. We got that moment back in Season 2 with “Wide Awake” where over a few short minutes Eve is as honest and revealing with the psychologist Martin as she has been with anyone in the entire show.

Eve never tells Martin she’s in love with Villanelle. She hasn't even told Villanelle, but it hardly matters. She is in love with this woman, and she can’t stop thinking about her. It could not be more obvious. This is a good thing, because under Heathcote’s tender mercies, Eve is just kinda doing stuff to be doing it. The rhyme or reason of it doesn’t matter anymore. It’s only important for her to go dumpster diving for cake boxes and running around Scotland stomping old ladies to death. Motivations be damned and pretty much all Eve's previous character development as well. In Season 3, Eve never acknowledges out loud how deep under her skin Villanelle has gotten until they are on the bridge where she says she can’t envision a future without her in it. That’s good, but coming off of everything that came after the Rome fiasco, where is this coming from, Eve? Are you just so weary of the pointless snipe hunt that was the “Who Killed Kenny?” story arc or how your personality turned on a damn dime from obsessing over getting back with your husband to obsessing over getting back with your girlfriend? It would be a revelation for someone to ask Sandra Oh, “At what point in Season 3 does Eve fall back in love/lust with Villanelle, and better yet, WHY does she?”

“Admit it, Eve. You wish I was here.” It’s a great scene. No lie. At first Eve’s flustered and then frustrated and a little pissed by that familiar voice coming out of that goofy toy. Then as she tears the heart out of it, she-can’t-stop-listening-to-it. Eve's loneliness is matched by her longing for Villanelle. Obsession truly doesn't die even when the objects of obsession keep trying to murder one another.

What the talking bear doesn’t say is, “I can’t stop thinking about you.” Villanelle needs to maintain some distance between her true feelings for Eve and her pride and the admission that she misses Eve would be showing weakness. A swaggering Roman centurion-turned Emperor in a oversized grey suit facing off on a double-decker bus with an old foe who once hurt “him” greatly cannot be so vulnerable and soft (and what the fuck was up with that Roman centurion/smells like power bullshit, anyway?). Villanelle was weird that whole episode. The opening kills with the Infinity Tuning Fork was weird. Baby-snatching the baby in order to play with it, right up until the kid starts crying or pooping, then the fun’s over, and she cackles with malicious glee when Dasha drops the little shitbird in the trash. Struts around London to select a new customized perfume, buy and customize a toy for Eve, break into Eve’s dump of an apartment, follow her to the bus, change clothes and bust a cap in The Twelve’s accountant while scaring the hell out of Carolyn and Mo, finally returning to a hotel for a shower and a little telly before calling it a night as she and Eve nurse their matching bruises. That’s a pretty full and totally weird day for Villanelle. In the meantime, Eve gets a restless night tossing and turning all night as she keeps replaying V’s message until the battery dies or she climaxes. Whatever comes first.

Yeah, @dayyneee, I love the scene as much as you do as it comes in my favorite episode of my least favorite season. What bugs me most about it is it has really no effect on the following episodes. Eve never mentions it again and Villanelle doesn’t even ask if she liked it. Uh--why is that, Killing Eve writers? Seemed like you went out of the way to make a point of the stuffed bear’s heart being a mighty big thing at the time, but after that it swirls down the memory hole never to be referenced again? What’s up with that? Eve could have referred to the talking heart which would have given Villanelle a chance to ask how she liked her birthday cake and the postcard from Amsterdam intercepted by Carolyn in Season 2. Some might dismiss this as “fan service,” but I call it tying up loose threads that like so many other things on Killing Eve happen and are never heard from again. If Laura Neal is doing a rewatch of the show, she’s filling up a pad with notes of things that need tidying up before the curtain comes down. What about “the heart?” is not the least of them.

#Killing Eve #ke_s3 #eve x villanelle #ke analysis #a little raggedy

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seriouslysam8 · 4 years ago

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For the ask game, would you please answer questions numbered 2, 8, 14 (all of your titles have such cool names), 18 (I hope Abditory isn't one of them as that story rocks), 21, 24, 29, 30, 33, 34, 44, 51, 62, 76, 82, 85, 88, 90, and 98.

Sorry for asking so many, but I love your work! Entombed gave me so many feels! I found your stories because author Breanie said to read them in her author's notes. Best rec ever! Thank you for answering.

Wow, that is a lot of asks! Thank you so much for wanting to know so much about little ole me. I think I hit them all in this and my apologies if I missed one. Let me know if I missed one. @breaniebree is awesome and my writing BFF. She is amazing, and I love her.

2) What fandoms do you write for and do you have a particular favourite if you write for more than one?

So, I’ve written for The X-Files, Supernatural, and Harry Potter. I currently only write for Harry Potter. I would say Harry Potter has always been the most fun.

8) Where do you take your inspiration from?

Random shit. Brontide came to me because I was browsing the HPFanfiction subreddit looking for a story suggestion and someone asked for a story where Harry was addicted to Felix. Only one unfinished dimensional time travel story was listed. It idea sparked me to write my own version. Entombed came to me because I was rewatching Buffy the Vampire Slayer where Buffy was buried alive. I knew I wanted to bury Ginny alive. As I stated in the author’s notes of last Kalopsia chapter, I drew inspiration from the Djinn storyline in Supernatural. I write about things I know, too. I have young kids at home so I like writing the Potter children as young because I can mimic their mannerisms in my writing. I’ve even asked my kids to say certain words to emulate their speech pattern in my writing if I’m writing that age group.

14) How did you come up with the title for the XXX? You can ask about multiple stories.

I HATE coming up with titles. My newest trend has been to literally Google “unique words”. There are a ton of Pinterest accounts who make fancy word and definition pictures. I scroll through all these little unique words and pick out ones I think fit a story. Sometimes I Google a unique word for BLANK and see if I can get a cool version of that name. @breaniebree actually helped me with Entombed.

18) Do you have any abandoned WIP’s? What made you abandon them?

Sadly, I would put Abditory in this category. Never say never though. I think about it from time to time. Honestly, I abandoned it due to such a negative response I was receiving and the lack of positive response. I became discouraged. It wasn’t even negative response due to my writing, it was literally a bunch of “why would you waste your time writing a story about the biggest plot hole in the books? JKR butchered the whole SK storyline and it’s unbearable to read.” So, basically, my reviews and PMs were filled with JKR hate over that plot point in the books. They heavily outweighed the positive reviews I received. Honestly, I think that’s why a bulk of stories get abandoned - lack of positive reviews or enthusiasm for a story. If I didn’t get so many great reviews for my stories, I don’t know if I’d be able to finish them or continuing writing new ones. Fanfiction is free, (as it should be) but it’s a lot of time and hard work. A little appreciation goes a LONG way. So, my advice, review everything you love reading and encourage writers to keep writing. I always say in my authors notes that reviews make me want to write and inspire me. That’s the truth. The moment I stop getting reviews will probably be the time I take a writing break again.

21) Tell me about another writer(s) who you admire? What is it about them that you admire?

@breaniebree. I mean she’s dedicated years to a single story with so many plot lines and characters that I’m amazed she did it. She’s a fantastic writer, and I definitely consider her my writing BFF. I feel like I’ve learned a lot from her and enjoy talking about writing with her so much. I’m so glad we’ve become friends.

24) How do you feel about writing smutty scenes?

Horrified. Anytime I get a little steamy in my stories, it goes immediately to @breaniebree who usually adds way too much smut and then I cut it down to still be somewhat PG-13 in order to appeal to a wider audience.

29) Do you have a story that you feel doesn’t get as much love as you’d like?

I feel like Kalopsia isn’t getting as much love as my other stories. I’m way behind in my normal review count per chapter. I wonder if it’s just the confusing storyline or if it’s just not as fun to read? But I was definitely worried it wouldn’t get the love I thought it deserved when I started writing it and it’s lived up to that expectation.

30) In contrast to 29, is there a story which gets lots of love which you kinda eye roll at?

Cronus Rising. People still recommend it occasionally and I still get random reviews. I’m like, “why????” Its horribly written and a stupid plot line. I literally was getting back into writing after not writing for a good five years, so it’s abysmal. I’ve often wanted to rage delete it.

33) What’s the biggest compliment you’ve gotten?

When someone tells me I should write an original novel and they’d buy the hell out of it. I do have some original novel ideas floating around (one I’ve been writing since I was like 15), but crippling fear of rejection from publishers have stopped me from ever actually finish an original novel.

34) What’s the harshest criticism you’ve gotten?

I got some criticism in Brontide for having drama for drama’s sake with no real purpose or goal for said drama. I felt my drama served a purpose, drove the story along, and I add a lot of fluffy and cute family moments. I feel like in real life, when you to your loved one is going through sometime, it feels like nonstop drama and bad news and like a dark cloud just follows you. I wanted to emulate that in real life. So Harry’s POV was often drab because HE was the one going through something horrific and it was all doom and gloom for him.

44) What is the last line you wrote?

“You never think I listen to your ramblings, but it’s kind of hard to block out, mate.”

51) From one to five stars, how would you rate your writing? (No downplaying yourself!)

Um... I’d say a 3. I think I have some good and unique plots for stories but sometimes I struggle on how to execute those on paper effectively. I struggle with descriptions, action, and showing rather than telling. But I do think I’m good at dialogue and capturing a character’s personality. So, 3.

62) Tell us about a WIP you’re excited about.

A lot! I have a Teddy/Victoire stalker story in the works that I’m excited about. I have (this is going to sound weird) but an outsider rom-com planned where Ron/Hermione breakup right before Hinny’s wedding and Hinny struggles to get them back together before the big day. I have a Potter family vacation fluff/comedy story planned. I have a game night one-shot planned. I have a short story about Luna’s wedding. So many that I want to write and don’t know which one to write first!!

76) Is there anything you’ve wanted to write, but you’ve been too scared to try?

I’d say no. I’ve always tried to write my ideas down. Some I’ve never finished because inspiration peters off and some I plan on finishing once my newest big project is done.

82) Summarize a random fic of yours in 10 words or less.

Harry goes through some shit, and Ginny is his soulmate.

85) Ramble about any fic-related thing you want!

I don’t understand why people don’t ship Harry/Ginny more. I don’t understand the Harry/Daphne obsessions (like just why???) or the Harry/Hermione ship at all. I always see people asking for story recommendation and they specific say “no Harry/Ginny”. They are literally perfect for one another and they are soulmates.

88) If you could ask one other fanfic author three questions about their writing, writing process, or works, what would they be and who would you ask?

@breaniebree .

1.) How do you organize all your charts? Send me the ALL the charts. Because I don’t understand how you keep everything straight!

2.) How do you write so much? You’re like a little writing machine in a cute little package.

3.) Where do all the ideas come from? In a dream? Just thinking? Driving? Do you write everything out in your head like meeee? Can I have some of your writing mojo?

90) How do you process and deal with negative reviews?

I obsess over them. I analyze them. I may get bummed out and not write for a few days. If you don’t like what I write, then don’t read or review. It’s a hobby. I do this for free. I’m not asking you to critique me. Give me a nice review or ask me a question, but don’t be cruel or mean because you can hide behind a keyboard and be a bully to make yourself feel superior.

98) If you had to give up either snacks and drinks during writing sessions, or music, which would you find more difficult to say goodbye to and why?

Music. I grew up with three older brothers. My house was always rowdy and loud and obnoxious. I need it to be loud. I can’t stand the silence or focus when it’s silent. I need music to help me think and write. When I’m home alone, I always turn on the TV or music, because I can’t stand when it’s silent. I think I’d go insane.

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