#I need to recharge my social battery

[euthymiya]

Good morning my little blog citizens 😚

[wtfjd95]

I need my holiday weeks in both October & January to be moved up for work. I am socially worn out and I still have to work this weekend.

(I am Lily in this gif btw)

[sovereign-skyy]

I'm getting this ad and I'm like

Bitch

I'm on tumblr

I'm on the best introvert dating site ever

I don't need you

[nanamikentoseyebags]

friday night of a 25yo teacher: came home, cried for a good hour, drank tea, submitted some stuff for my refresher course and prepared for tomorrow's class, almost cried again🚬

[flynncorvus]

social battery went bye bye

[lord-of-the-bundle-of-sticks]

someone needs to hit me with a pole

[alteredsilicone]

first world problems: have to go to a concert in the evening but im so tired from yesterday

gonna just honk shoo through an entire opera i guess

[court-of-constellations]

i should be asleep but i found a quiz and

i feel seen and i Do Not Like It

[umilily]

pros of having plans with friends: friends

cons of having plans with friends: plans

[moving-to-dreamwinged]

hai guys im back from my hella long day whats up ^__^

[fitzrove]

.

[shir0ch4ns-art]

TW// MISCARRIAGE

I know that this isn't what I usually post or even have on this blog but like I feel like I'm gonna scream or break down if I just don't put this down on some form of like "physical" words.

This got really long and does kinda goes through the emotions felt so I suggest not clicking the read more if you're not in a good space to read this

As the trigger warning suggests, I just had a miscarriage. The same fucking day I did a pregnancy test. It was simultaneously the best and worst day of my life. I had started off kinda scared and nervous but it also just confirmed my suspicions for the past few weeks since I missed my period. I then just felt so happy, like I was on cloud 9 the whole morning. I went to work I called my mom I was on the phone until I had to officially open the store (I was on opening shift so I'm there half an hour early to prepare) I was just so happy. Then I noticed some spotting and then some more spotting and finally I caught the tiniest bit of red and I fucking left. I told my lead what was happening, and they were just shoving me out the door. I left work 2 hours early and then spent literally the whole day at the Urgent Care just to get a fucking "we don't know". I was a bit mad then but I have since realized that I had detected my pregnancy super early and most people don't even realize they're pregnant until way later on, I'm just super observant of my monthly because it's a bit irregular. And with that it would be extremely hard to tell what was happening. They put me on bed rest for 2 days and to go back the second day. I was bleeding so much between then that I just knew I had miscarried but I was deluding myself into thinking that I was wrong that maybe it was something else, something that can be fixed or maybe I was freaking out over nothing. Only to go in and do some blood work that I got the result back from before the UC doctor did and just...blue screened. I knew, I waited in that waiting room with my husband and mom for the confirmation but I knew. And just like that it was gone.

I'm devastated and angry because logically I know there's no reason, logically I know this just happens sometimes, logically I know it was nothing I did or didn't do...but emotionally I wanna know why, why did this happen, how did this happen so quickly, seriously what the fuck happened. I'm mad because I didn't even get a chance to see what kind of person it would have been, I didn't get a chance to see this potential person grow up, I didn't even get a chance to at least hold them. And I'm just gonna mention it right now that I am vehemently pro-choice and I don't want my use of referring to what wasn't even an embryo at the stage I lost my pregnancy as a potential person to be used for pro-life rhetoric. I don't make this threat casually or at all but I will fucking block and flag you if you do. I'm referring to it as a potential person because I actually wanted this pregnancy not because it was even a life at the point of miscarriage, if I hadn't done a pregnancy test I would have thought it was just a really late really bad period. But I did, and I knew, and that's what's making it so hard to fully come to terms with. It wasn't entirely planned but it was wanted and that hurts.

I'm doing better now, I have a really good support web of friends and family that have helped me through these past few days. My husband being the most supportive one and being my rock throughout this. I'm not even sure why I'm making this post but if anyone else in my position sees this and find some kind of comfort that they're not alone in this and that yes their feelings of despair and anger are valid and that just having someone else experience the same makes them feel less alone then I'll leave this up. I might delete this later or I might forget but if it helps then I'll purposely leave it up.

I nicknamed it capsicum since it made me crave spicy foods like no tomorrow.

[kuromi-hoemie]

there are some things that are retroactively SO frustrating bc i put myself thru sm without realizing how much of it was just autism/really simple needs not being met, and how it made me push myself perpetually which also just had me perpetually burnt out and never rly able to be my full or even just happiest self.

I've been rly intentional about just trying to date/befriend other autistic/adhd having ppl and feel like i just want to do that going forward lol. like... sure, ig i can have neurotypical friends as they come up but girlies who hate the low hum of the fridge move to the front of the line pls!!

[schrodingers-hoarding-problem]

finally have time to relax after like two full weeks of busy so I will reward myself with watching nimona

[nametakensff]

This e/ddie prompt is at nearly 4k 💀 trying to wrap it up soon, will hopefully have that done by Tuesday latest. The T/sukishima prompt is also on its way 💕

[dreamcast-official]

i am going to actually lose my mind