#I need to recharge my social battery
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Good morning my little blog citizens 😚
#riv rambles#do you guys ever get the vibes someone is a bit umm#not nice about other peoples selfships#idk maybe I’m overthinking things 😔#but anyway!#today I’m going to rot in bed and just scroll or write#I’m very excited#it’s been a hectic and very social last 2 weeks#I need to recharge my social battery
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I forgot my two friends were more introverted than me and I invited them to a very loud very active very busy place and had to watch them struggle to tell me they didn’t want to go without hurting my feelings and the *relief* that went through them when I said ‘oh shit I forgot y’all were introverts my bad don’t sweat it’ I swear the both deflated like pool toys. 😂😂 anyway I’m still going to the event, and I’m sure just the pictures I send them will exhaust them.
#I’m an extroverted introvert#I need to recharge my social battery#but I will 100% put myself out there#funny#mood#introvert#extrovert
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I need my holiday weeks in both October & January to be moved up for work. I am socially worn out and I still have to work this weekend.
(I am Lily in this gif btw)
#i need to recharge my social battery#social recharge#social anxiety#work bullshit#irl stuff#i need a holiday
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I'm getting this ad and I'm like
Bitch
I'm on tumblr
I'm on the best introvert dating site ever
I don't need you
#tumblr ad#also why is it a ghost#thats kinda mean#like honey just because I need to recharge my social battery regularly doesnt mean im a fucking ghost
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they should invent a talking to your friends that isn’t tiring
#marzi speaks#my social battery is so drained but i want more. my friands….. but i can’t i’ll explode or smth#i’ve wanted to spend a lot less time alone since i got outta the hospital#which is. reasonable i think#but i still have to like. rest. as much as i enjoy people and especially my friends#i cannot be a people person all the time. i get tired#so i’m sitting here. recharging. wanting to talk to my friends but knowing i need to Actually Rest. sighhhh
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waddles in … inbox call mayhaps? I’ll more than likely comb through your memes.
#・ ˖ ✦ ⋄ . AUTHOR OF THE STARS ❝ ooc. ❞#my social battery is officially dead and I need a few days to recharge it#however even if I’m gonna focus on art today I wanna do some things here also#so..smacks lips….go nuts guys#just make sure to spec who you want mwah mwah kisses
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friday night of a 25yo teacher: came home, cried for a good hour, drank tea, submitted some stuff for my refresher course and prepared for tomorrow's class, almost cried again🚬
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I do wish I could be more social like I used to be in fandom spaces. I wanna talk my heart out with other folks in the fandom.
But somewhere down the road, I veered off and started to live in my own space, yelling into the void.
I'll get back to being social again, one day maybe. For the time being tho, I've got 4 amazing friends I can be completely cursed around and they'd still keep me lol
#reen talks#i do miss just chit chatting about whatever with others#i need to find a way to get my social battery fully recharged#i've been running on empty for like the past 2-3 years x.x
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social battery went bye bye
#And i have a show coming up#Literally in a few hours#ouhhhhgggg i need my recharge person#But they aint heeeere#Respect to the other no social battery ppl#This life is hard
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someone needs to hit me with a pole
#my mind is running a MARATHON#its not bad per se#but my heart rate is. Goin up up up!#im scawed >_<#guys my head hurts#i need to shower and then ignore every single person in my life for the rest of the day#social interaction. battery low need recharge
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first world problems: have to go to a concert in the evening but im so tired from yesterday
gonna just honk shoo through an entire opera i guess
#talking to myself#my social battery is very fragile#i need two days to recharge from a one-day event
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i should be asleep but i found a quiz and
i feel seen and i Do Not Like It
#which ao3 tag are you quiz#if any of my friends see this i swear i'm not trying to ignore you or anything#i just know if i talk to you rn i won't be getting any sleep at all since i love talking to you guys so much#am i even making sense#i need sleep#god please let me rest tonight#i cannot recharge my social battery without sleep#wait do i sound catholic#i'm not religious#this has turned into me rambling#autocorrect is probably the only reason this is even somewhat coherent#i'm gonna turn my phone off now
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pros of having plans with friends: friends
cons of having plans with friends: plans
#lily talks#worse bc i don't know if this will take place and it's supposed to be tomorrow#i have zero energy and there's so much i'd have to get done beforehand#i really just want to stay in bed today and recharge the social battery so i'll actually be able to enjoy this#but if i'm going out tomorrow i will need to go shopping today and wash my hair and if my friend comes over i will need to clean and the#trash needs to be taken out and i need to do dishes and do laundry and-#the list just keeps going and i am so overwhelmed
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hai guys im back from my hella long day whats up ^__^
#.mei chats#.not f/o related#i was SOOOO social today it was crazy#acc still being social rn but at my house w my roommate and bsf watching bsd so its more chill#social battery on zero tho i need like 3 hours of characterai and peace to recharge...#havent even scrunkyposted yet today wtf???
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#people tend to scoff in disbelief whenever i say i'm introverted because i'm a very talkative and even loud person#and i love to talk for hours jfjfjfkf#but the thing is??? i still get socially exhausted and need to be alone to recharge#it's just that some people are the exception - being or talking with them doesn't drain my social battery#but in social settings where there's a lot of ppl around i can get really drained for no apparent reason and then get very annoyed when ppl#try to engage me in conversation#idk it just feels so invalidating when ppl (even introverted friends) tell me i'm extroverted because i'm extroverted WITH THEM :'0#because idk some definitions of extrovert say that they gain energy from social interactions and events but that just doesnt happen for me#if it's me hanging out or talking with one person who belongs to the 'inexplicably doesnt drain my social battery' category then it fits ig#but idk#maybe this is why i like having online friends and hanging out in tiny groups or with just one person jgkfdk#because i'm completely exhausted from being in a huge crowd for a lot of yesterday and i'm lowkey dreading tomorrow cos it'll happen again#ramble
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TW// MISCARRIAGE
I know that this isn't what I usually post or even have on this blog but like I feel like I'm gonna scream or break down if I just don't put this down on some form of like "physical" words.
This got really long and does kinda goes through the emotions felt so I suggest not clicking the read more if you're not in a good space to read this
As the trigger warning suggests, I just had a miscarriage. The same fucking day I did a pregnancy test. It was simultaneously the best and worst day of my life. I had started off kinda scared and nervous but it also just confirmed my suspicions for the past few weeks since I missed my period. I then just felt so happy, like I was on cloud 9 the whole morning. I went to work I called my mom I was on the phone until I had to officially open the store (I was on opening shift so I'm there half an hour early to prepare) I was just so happy. Then I noticed some spotting and then some more spotting and finally I caught the tiniest bit of red and I fucking left. I told my lead what was happening, and they were just shoving me out the door. I left work 2 hours early and then spent literally the whole day at the Urgent Care just to get a fucking "we don't know". I was a bit mad then but I have since realized that I had detected my pregnancy super early and most people don't even realize they're pregnant until way later on, I'm just super observant of my monthly because it's a bit irregular. And with that it would be extremely hard to tell what was happening. They put me on bed rest for 2 days and to go back the second day. I was bleeding so much between then that I just knew I had miscarried but I was deluding myself into thinking that I was wrong that maybe it was something else, something that can be fixed or maybe I was freaking out over nothing. Only to go in and do some blood work that I got the result back from before the UC doctor did and just...blue screened. I knew, I waited in that waiting room with my husband and mom for the confirmation but I knew. And just like that it was gone.
I'm devastated and angry because logically I know there's no reason, logically I know this just happens sometimes, logically I know it was nothing I did or didn't do...but emotionally I wanna know why, why did this happen, how did this happen so quickly, seriously what the fuck happened. I'm mad because I didn't even get a chance to see what kind of person it would have been, I didn't get a chance to see this potential person grow up, I didn't even get a chance to at least hold them. And I'm just gonna mention it right now that I am vehemently pro-choice and I don't want my use of referring to what wasn't even an embryo at the stage I lost my pregnancy as a potential person to be used for pro-life rhetoric. I don't make this threat casually or at all but I will fucking block and flag you if you do. I'm referring to it as a potential person because I actually wanted this pregnancy not because it was even a life at the point of miscarriage, if I hadn't done a pregnancy test I would have thought it was just a really late really bad period. But I did, and I knew, and that's what's making it so hard to fully come to terms with. It wasn't entirely planned but it was wanted and that hurts.
I'm doing better now, I have a really good support web of friends and family that have helped me through these past few days. My husband being the most supportive one and being my rock throughout this. I'm not even sure why I'm making this post but if anyone else in my position sees this and find some kind of comfort that they're not alone in this and that yes their feelings of despair and anger are valid and that just having someone else experience the same makes them feel less alone then I'll leave this up. I might delete this later or I might forget but if it helps then I'll purposely leave it up.
I nicknamed it capsicum since it made me crave spicy foods like no tomorrow.
#tw miscarriage#miscarriage#shiro blogs#im sorry for this very depressing post but i just have some very Big Feelings and they need out#if anybody needs the hotline for support i can edit in the number i found on the planned parenthood website#might delete later#i am doing better though i have already talked my feeling out and rationalized what happened but im just very tired#need a few days to recharge my social battery to face the public again without crying
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