#it’s been a hectic and very social last 2 weeks

[euthymiya]

Good morning my little blog citizens 😚

[justalildumpling]

⇢ 3, 2, 1

synopsis: at this point of your pathetically unrequited crush on your popular friend, it didn’t faze you when you found out that he wasn’t going to be at the same NYE party as you. but when he suddenly turned up to come find you, did you start wondering that maybe you weren’t the only one with harboured feelings.

pairing: mark x reader genre: friends to lovers, mutual pining, fluff word count: 2.3k warnings: swearing, drunkenness/mentions of drinking and partying, the word sex was said once note: lmao the way i’ve literally had this idea in my wip documents since like last year… anyways, here’s a little soft boi mark to start off your year <33 happy new year everyone!!

It didn't really make much sense.

Well, according to the resident drunkards Haechan and Chenle that is, being sober on New Years Eve.

Or any house party for that matter.

"It's literally free alcohol Y/N, why not make the most of it?" Haechan protested, cracking open another can of Jack and Coke, letting out a satisfied hum after hearing the bubbles fizzing up to the rim of the lid.

"Cause some people want a functioning liver by the age of thirty Lee Donghyuck," You rolled your eyes at the tipsy boy, clicking your tongue in disapproval as he downed the alcoholic drink in his hand, "And actually be able to recall all the not stupid things I did the night before."

"What? Like accidentally telling our little Markie boy that you're head over heels for him?" Donghyuck fired back, shaking the last droplets of the drink into his mouth before chucking it in the kitchen bin, "He's not even with us tonight!"

Unfortunately for you, the little devil man dressed as your best friend was right. Mark Lee was nowhere to be found at the party, though you couldn't complain as you were already notified of his absence last Wednesday.

You and your group of friends sat basking in the sunlight outside on the picnic benches of the park, taking in the rare appearance of the sun within the rainy week.

"What do you mean you're not coming to Lele's?!" Donghyuck squabbled, letting his burger fall onto the wrapper with a thud.

Mark merely shrugged, guiltily scratching the nape of his neck, "Johnny had already invited me two weeks ago and I said I was gonna go, sorry guys."

You frowned at the boy's statement, swirling the fry that you had stolen from Jisung's tray into the ketchup tub.

Though Mark was an important member of your high school friend group, it was hard to align your meet ups with his hectic schedule. Sometimes you couldn't seem to understand your crush in question, how he managed to juggle his school work alongside the university basketball team, internship plus a somewhat abundant social life was a mystery in itself.

Mark Lee was a relatively popular figure at your school, good looks, a chill and caring personality and godly talented at everything he did. It was no surprise that his inbox was flooded with invitations all the time let alone the holiday break.

Despite this, he always made sure to keep in touch with you, checking in with you about how your day had been or if he's lucky to squeeze in an ice cream run by the beach with you, which you very much appreciated and made your heart swell just a little bit too much than the average person, not that he ever needed to know.

As if he sensed your disappointment within the group's chaotic wails and cries, Mark reached over to give your hand a little squeeze, sending you an apologetic glance.

It was things like this which made up your hopelessly harboured feelings for the Canadian, making you think that it wasn't just you that had pathetically pined over him but being the nice guy that he was, probably treated others the same way.

Jaemin and Renjun though seemed to argue otherwise, whining to tell the clueless boy about your feelings, saying that there's no way that he wouldn't like you back before you quickly shushed them, snapping to keep their delusions in their heads.

"Hello? Earth to Y/N?" A voice broke you from your thoughts, causing you to peer up from your seated position on the couch, eyes trailing up the body of a boy to meet an amused Jeno.

He held out your phone, his cheeky grin growing exponentially the more you stared at his hands in confusion.

"Lover boy texted," He finally explained, nonchalantly chucking the device onto your lap, "Figured you'd want to know."

You grumbled, throwing the nearest pillow at the boy in which he barely dodged as he chuckled at your embarrassment, slipping off to the kitchen, most likely reporting the incident to his best friend.

Rolling your eyes, you unlocked your phone to find a couple missed calls from Johnny, unsent message notifications from Yuta and Mark's little message.

markie: hey :)

you: hi!! how's johnny's?

markie: too loud, yuta kept tryinhg to kisss me and johnny keeps bullyibg me markie: so i left

You giggled at his poor attempts at coherent sentences, covering your mouth with your hand to avoid the potential teasing from your friends.

You've seen Mark drunk a couple times, mostly at Johnny's parties after finals week. He was a cute drunk, clinging onto your figure rambling on about things which you couldn't quite decipher, in turn making him an easy target for the playful teasing from his seniors.

Which now that you thought about it, explained the random notifications from Johnny and Yuta, the two culprits behind most if not all of Mark's misery.

you: mark, are you drunk?

markie: no, im repsinsible heh markie: you're still at lele's right?

As you started to type your response, a loud groan was made from the left of the couch, causing you to switch your attention from your phone screen to Donghyuck sitting cross legged on the timber floors with Renjun, who was holding the infamous vomit bucket in front of his mouth, disgust ridden over his face.

"How much did he have tonight?" Jisung asked, almost horrified by the older boy's pitiful state from across the room. His eyes quickly darted back to the array of party mix lollies and the lukewarm pizzas displayed on the dining table, as unidentifiable contents threatened to spill from Donghyuck's mouth.

"We've already lost count," Jaemin resonated from the kitchen, his voice slightly drowned out by the rushing water, "Lele's isn't doing much better either, he's currently occupying the toilet bowl instead of the bucket."

You shook your head, silently chuckling at your best friends' suffering.

you: i am you: lele and hyuck's drunk as fuck you: they're currently hurling their guts out you: one using the vomit bucket, one using the toilet bowl

markie: those idiots hahahah markie: btw could u come outisde for a sex markie: *sev markie: fuck markie: *sec

you: pfft and u said u weren't drunk you: also, ur outside?!?!?

markie: shut up im fine i djust cant type rn

you: lol whatever u say markie you: i'll be out in a sec

You sat up from the couch, quietly squeezing past the crowd formed around the unfortunate boy and up the stairs.

Slipping on Jaemin's drunkenly bought La Coste slides, you swung open the door. A shiver slivered up the small of your back as the cool breeze hit your bare arms, a contrast from the warm stuffy atmosphere from inside.

You spotted Mark standing by the gates of Chenle's house, the dim street light illuminating his facial features, making him look more ethereal than he already was. With a little smile tugging at the corners of your lips, you began making your way towards him.

The sound of gravel shuffling from underneath your feet caused Mark to whip his head around to face you, he was pretty certain that most of the alcohol in his system had disappeared on the walk from Johnny's house but why was it that as soon as he saw you happily skipping down the path, greeting him with the sweetest smile that made him feel so euphoric?

"I can't believe you came!" You exclaimed, bringing him into a warm embrace.

His reply came in the form of a shy laugh, tickling the back of your neck with his breath.

He held you in his arms for a few minutes, with only the occasional squawks from inside breaking the comforting silence.

"Can you believe it's already the new year?" You whispered in awe, pulling away from his body to face him.

"Yeah dude that's insane, it feels like this year went by so quickly," Mark replied, adding his favourite form of endearment to the start, "Do you think you're ready for it to be over?"

You pondered for a few seconds, reflecting back on all the events that occurred within the past year before shrugging your shoulders, "I'm not sure."

"Don't get me wrong, this years been great but I feel like due to school, work and whatever, I wasn't able to fulfil all the things I wanted to do."

Mark nodded his head at your words, resonating with every word.

You always seemed to have the right things to say to him, always so understanding about his hectic schedule but never failing to let him know that he was missed whenever he couldn't make his friend's gatherings. It was things like this which caused the gradual course of his feelings for you.

For a while, Mark believed that he had made his crush on you subtle, not overly flirting or showering you in gifts in front of your friends. But one friendly reminder from Jaemin about his drunk habit of becoming a koala and latching onto you as if his life depended on it, broke his oblivious bubble. He quickly realised that many people had caught on, with some making it more obvious than others.

"I'm telling you, she likes you back bro!" He remembered Johnny exclaiming a few hours back with Yuta nodding enthusiastically as he half hazardously sipped on his beer.

Mark, Johnny and Yuta were situated in the secluded areas of the host's bedroom, with the party hammering hard downstairs. He wasn't too sure how he had ended up on his bed getting lectured by his two teammates about love pestering him to confess his feelings.

"C'mon, just text her saying to meet up," Yuta encouraged, handing him his phone to unlock, "You saw what happens when Johnny and I have our phones."

Mark pinched the bridge of his nose, remembering the sheer panic he had felt when the older boys dialled your number on their phones a few moments back, threatening to spill his secret before he had lunged at their figures wrestling to press the red hang up button.

"You literally have the best excuse to kiss her tonight," Johnny huffed, flopping down on his bed with arms crossed, "It's New Year's Eve."

"No way dude," Mark flatly responded, slapping his phone against his forehead, "What if she doesn't like me?"

"As if a girl would ever reject you," Yuta snorted, nudging the sides of his arms with his elbow, "Now hurry up and text her you fool."

And here he was, standing in front of you in the middle of the gravel pathway, with his face flushed.

Though whether it was due to the alcohol or whether it was the thought of kissing you tonight, he wasn't too sure. But taking into account his palpitating heart in his chest as he waited anxiously for midnight, it seemed to lean towards the latter.

"Sorry for rambling on," You scratched the base of your neck, hoping you didn't talk his ear off.

Mark frantically waved his arms around, shaking his head.

A muffled shriek awfully similar to Chenle's interrupted your conversation, startling both you and Mark as you whipped your heads back to the house. It remained quiet for a few seconds before a range of shouts counting down from ten resonated shortly after.

You giggled, turning around to focus on Mark's smiling face once again as the both of you joined in.

"Three," Mark cleared his throat, wiping his clammy hands on the sides of his ripped jeans.

"Two," He grabbed onto your hand, taking in your sweet smile and the way you reciprocated his touch, clasping your fingers around his, your rings clinking with his.

"One, Happy New Ye-"

The moment his lips hit yours, it had felt like all the daze of the alcohol was wearing off. Regaining consciousness of the way his lips perfectly moulded against yours and how he slipped his tongue into your mouth, tasting the watermelon lollipop you loved so much. Gripping onto your waist and tugging you closer, his heart began to mirror fireworks, matching the way the real ones sparks crackled and thundered in the background.

Pulling away from your touch, the confidence he had going in had simmered down as he gingerly met your eyes once again.

"What was that about?" You whispered, your eyes carrying a sense of wonder.

"Sorry, I shouldn't have done that without your permission, but you just looked so beautiful and I've had a crush on you for god knows how long and I just couldn't help it. God what am I saying, you can slap me if you want-"

You cut him off by pressing your lips against his once again, jerking him forward by his hoodie strings.

"You kissed me," Mark's eyes widened, awestruck by the sudden gesture.

"I did." You replied, fidgeting with the hems of your shirt as you added, "You said that you liked me."

"I did," Mark confirmed with a shy smile, reaching out to tuck a strand of hair behind your ear.

"Does that mean you like me too?"

You could feel your cheek heat up as you dipped your head in response, making him beam at the small motion as he brought you into his arms, snuggling his face into the crook of your neck.

"Happy New Year Y/N," Mark kissed your forehead, his hands resting on the top of your shoulders as he gazed into your eyes adoringly.

"Happy New Year Mark.”

permanent taglist: @polarisjisung @wooyoung-a @w3bqrl @xxxx-23nct @maeumiluv @produmads @shwizhies

[llclown-kittyll]

Hi I love ur work - but could u do a yandere septiceyes x reader who is disabled and always unintentionally hurts them self? U didn't have to but the idea is here

I saw this a couple weeks after Anon asked. I hope you're still around to read the fic you inspired!

TW's: Stalking, undiagnosed/ untreated medical issues.

I based this on my experiences and the reader is gender neutral

The world was set up to fail you from the very beginning. This much you knew. You didn’t know who was leaving you small trinkets and small love notes for you in your workplace- but you knew that the world couldn’t care less about you or your ‘issues’. 

Since you could remember, you had episodes of dizziness and lost your coordination skills- that could last minutes to hours, it varied. Pair that with anxiety and sensory issues, and it equaled out to your worst day when both showed up. Realistically, you knew you should get a cane or something. Since the path for a required diagnosis and treatment wasn’t covered by your healthcare plan, it was the next best option. 

But your anxiety would sky-rocket if your coworkers and friends saw you with a cane, and then you’d have to explain why you used it to every single person. It would be none of their business, really, but the social pressure of explaining why and letting strangers invalidate or validate your reason was an expectation- and you didn’t have the strength to go through that.

Punching out, you were just done with today. It was 9PM and today had been hectic to the max. Frustrated customers, cleaning every nook and cranny cause the area managers were visiting, stocking- bending up and down, again and again it was way too much. But trying to be the perfect worker to prove your worth, you pushed. You were the last one leaving, the mall already closing two hours ago. You spent 10 minutes in the break room earlier, sprawled out, trying to get some feeling back into your bones. And in your tired, weary mind, when you saw that the escalator was shut down- you picked the stairs, forgetting about the real possibility that you could die if you had an episode then and there. It was 2 floors- so not awful. Trudging down, you loosely held onto the railing, just wanting to get home already. Everything became a blur slowly, losing awareness because of how stressed out you were and the feeling of dizziness becoming more prominent minute by minute. Stopping a couple times, you took a break so the symptoms slowed down- playing the waiting game and then moving again. Missing a step, you almost fell…

Black sleeved arms caught you around your waist, holding you up from face-planting into the concrete floor. If you weren’t ‘alone’, at a mall, at night- you would've said thanks. But the fact that you never heard a single door open or footsteps fueled your action to grip onto the rail harder and turn around- nothing. Nothing was there... No-one was there… The next morning you forgot all about it, blaming it on your delirium from working a ten hour shift on four hours of sleep and a red bull. It was nothing.

Months passed since then, you almost hurt yourself countless times because of your perfectionism and by ‘chance’ you didn’t. A ‘gust of wind’ pushed the door closed just in time for you to lean on it. Your phone appeared, ringing so loudly in between your couch cushions that you had no choice but to crash instead of continuing cleaning during a dizzy spell and a migraine once. How convenient that you didn’t burn an arm trying to cook while your head was spinning because the electric stove shut off randomly that day. The small gifts from your secret admirer ramped up in price and became spot-on choices of what you liked. Word got around fast- despite your 50+ coworkers. So, you assumed whoever it was, was listening. Small detailed jewelry, costly gemstones, your favorite snacks- it should’ve been alarming. But who were you to question gifts given out of ‘pure romantic obsession interest’? 

Tuesday, on the way to work in a uber, you checked your missed texts. One was sent 4 A.M. and you didn't recognize the number. Your blood ran cold when you read it.

Don’t push yourself to be a perfectionist today, Y/N. I can’t watch you every second like usual- I’ll only be able to check on you every hour today. I’m making everything perfect for our 8 month anniversary and need to spend some time on getting it all ready for tonight. Be careful, Doll. I love you~

The same number showed up as calling after you read it, and with shaky hands, you answered. 

“̶̥͙̬̂͊R̴̢̲͈̿e̴̹̤̲͊͠ă̵̞͇ͅd̸̙̤͘̕͝y̶̤̭͛͋͐ ̵͔̒f̵̣͉̉̎ó̶̧͖̩͗r̵͉̼͚̿̈͆ ̷̙̲͕͂̚o̵̪̓̋ų̴͋r̶̼̬̍̕͜ ̸̬̪͆d̵͓̑̂ą̷̬̦̀t̷̩̩̪͆͒̾ḛ̵̓ ̶̘͌̌̈ẗ̶͉́̐͋o̸͖̟̼͑n̶̳̍̚ḭ̶̔͊ĝ̸̰̲h̵̺̒̒̕ͅt̷̻̠̬͌͝,̵͇͐̾ ̵͓͌͝D̸̦̦̽̀ạ̶̫͊̀̉r̴̙̈́l̸͕̫̭̓̒ī̷̻n̷̩̂’̴̧̓?̸̠̖̍̀”̸̦̈́̑̕  *

*”Ready for our date tonight, Darlin’?”

[littleoddwriter]

Update:

it's been a little over 3 weeks and... I had to quit the clinic/leave early. which obviously derails the plans I've had completely. which is annoying and very frustrating and elicited feelings & thoughts I hate to have. but it was the right decision. this clinic was horrible for me and only made me more unstable with every day that I was there (didn't think that was possible, lol).

(details and a bit of a rant under the cut)

while, usually, it makes sense for things to get a little worse first before it gets better, this was not the case here. I didn't feel comfortable with the staff. the doctors and therapists seemed very dismissive and hectic to me. the organisation and communication were crap. (like... how the fuck do I have five doctors/therapists in a room with me, discussing what meds to give me, only for them to not have a single clue about that a week later (after not giving me the meds because they Forgot...) and not believe me when I repeated what THEY told me. only for the meds to have lactose in them (I'm lactose intolerant) and so of course I reacted (they KNEW I had an issue with lactose and still gave them to me. I wouldn't even have known what was in them if I hadn't looked up the package insert online...) like what the actual fucking fuck). I've been to 2 clinics before and it was far better there, which is great and I'm glad I had something to compare my experience there to because sometimes I thought I might be overreacting, but I explained it to both of my social workers independently and they both agreed that it was Not Good. I already felt that way on my very first day there, but decided to give them the benefit of the doubt and just wait and see for two weeks at least. but alas, it only got worse for me. I also sat down with one of the doctors and one of the therapists and my social worker last week to talk my issues and my fears through with them; but again, they just didn't even try to help. (basically, what that talk came down to was that "[they] can't do more than what [they're] doing already (virtually Nothing) and it's solely on me to make the best of it or quit otherwise". obviously, I know that myself. I was looking for some guidance and help. some sort of advice. maybe a recommendation for someplace else. just... something. i explicitly asked for it, too. and I would have gotten that at those two other clinics I went to before because they actually cared about helping me. just for comparison's sake. instead, I was busy explaining my issues (more than I listed here, and I didn't exactly say that I had issues with the staff because duh but y'know, there were enough other issues that came up anyway) three times to make them somewhat 'understand' and have my social worker reiterate how badly I've been doing and how much help I need and that I'm feeling very helpless and alone; even while I'm there.)

for anyone that ever considers going to a mental health clinic: you should feel like you can actually talk to somebody if needed. you should feel safe. you should feel like you'll be caught when falling. you should never feel like you have to manage on your own completely. mental hospitals are for support and management. the staff should be a shoulder to lean on, a listening ear, a guiding hand, a safe haven that you can practice in/with. if that is not what you encounter at the hospital, you should look for a different one (if possible).

anyway. I've been debating with myself for over a week whether or not I should actually quit and I couldn't really decide until this Tuesday. that was the first day I was back at the clinic after five whole days off (because of the holidays), and it was like Hell on earth. it only showed me that if I had to do this every day for 3 to 5 more weeks, I'd break down completely and can go to a closed psychiatry right after, which is exactly what I've been trying to prevent with this clinic, of course. that's how bad it'd been for me there.

something that's been frustrating me most about this clinic and the dismissiveness of the staff I encountered, though, is that they were very clearly not equipped for a patient like me (somebody with severe symptoms, several different disorders, unprocessed traumas, etc.), and that they should have felt responsible enough to tell me that when I came in for a first talk in December to be put on the waiting list for a spot at the clinic. the whole point of this first talk is to assess whether or not this clinic is the right space for me, if they are equipped for somebody like me. instead they just waved me through and now I was forced to have that realisation on my own and become increasingly angry toward the staff because it's very irresponsible of them. most other patients I encountered there had depression, anxiety, and/or burn-out and were already on their way to getting better. and this clinic helped them gain back control, learn to manage better, etc. and for a lot of them it helped them. that's great and I'm happy for them! but it's very clear that that is what this clinic is truly for. not for someone like me. and they know that, in my opinion, they should know that, at least. and they should have told me to look for a different clinic instead because this wasn't the one for me. (but from what I've been told by other patients they really just let anyone in there...)

my social workers and I are working on making sure I can find something else (not a clinic for now tho). hopefully, I can get stabilised with the different approach we've been looking into, so I can do the second clinic stay (at the one I've been to before) I've mentioned in my original post.

anyway... that's the update. I wish it was a happier/more optimistic one. but alas, maybe next time!

take care! <3

[pandorasboxofhorrors]

2023-#4: Response to “The Thing in the Fog”

My last written bit for 2023 was going to be a neat sci-fi continuing the Mekon’s story (see 2020-#4: Eight Ball to Corner Pocket and 2021: #3-A Relaxing Interlude). However, the best plans of mice and men usually end with human skeletons and fat mice. I heard from another Tumblr user responding to this year’s true Halloween tale, 2023: #2-The Thing in the Fog. This Tumblr user shared a strange and spooky story, best told in his words:

“The online posting you referenced involving Burlap Man’s disappearance was not accurate. I know this because I wrote it thirty years ago. Here is a more accurate account of what really happened.

“If you happen to have been in Chicago in the summer of 1995 and you frequented the Lakeview neighborhood, you might have stumbled across an urban legend. This urban legend was real and was a horror beyond imagination, as Lovecraft put it. I had retired in 1991 after a hectic career as a newspaper reporter. It was the bad economy of the early 1990s, and that I was past retirement age, which sent me into retirement. I had worked as a newspaper reporter in many cities - and for an extended time in Chicago. I seemed to be cursed to regularly be assigned stories that led to the occult, cryptids, or worse. These stories led me to the things people do not want to know about. In the early 1970s, I was called back from vacation to work on a news story involving murders with the victim’s blood drained. You can probably guess where that went.

“I had a good run as a reporter in Chicago, but that ended after a story about an underground storage company. I sort of stumbled upon “something” in the lower levels of a very deep facility. I barely escaped with my life. Unfortunately, some government bigwigs were involved with the storage company, and I found myself out of a job because lizard-brained bigwigs wanted the story silenced. After I retired, I returned to Chicago and tried to avoid anything off kilter. Luckily I had some money, from investments in a robotics tech company I investigated in the 1970s. I was physically in good shape, and I really did not look my age. I sure looked like I was in my 50’s - but certainly not 73. I should mention that I was born in 1922, so I guess I am sort of 101 now. There has been no diminishment and very little aging. I have had to lie about my age for years. The only explanation I have is I once walked into a magic circle of a “youth drainer” and interrupted her spell. It’s either that or my vitamin brand is right.

“Anyways, the only problem was that I was restless. So I took retail jobs in eclectic shops in Lakeview. I worked with some odd people with blue hair and random body piercings. It was interesting, and I did not fit in since I was older. I used to walk down Clark Street after work and often buy a cigar. I eventually ended up working for the cigar store for the social interaction, since it was either that or chess with Ron, an old coworker. It kept me occupied, and after a few months I heard about something that caught my interest.

“I heard about this Burlap Man, and he was known to be lurking in the area at night. He was described as being just as you described him, almost seven feet tall and four feet wide. He wore stitched burlap sacks over his entire body and head, but you could see his beard. Some people said when they saw him at night he was so terrifying that they were paralyzed in fright. So I prolonged my walks after work, and after about a week I saw him in a dark alley. I could not believe what I was looking at since it very much appeared like something from a previous story I worked on decades ago.

“Twenty years previously, I worked on a news story about a man permanently asleep being studied at a Chicago university. This man was intentionally dream deprived, and this somehow allowed him to physically manifest a deadly Cajun boogeyman out of his own nightmares that dwelled in the sewers of Chicago. I returned to this same university and learned that they were performing a similar sleep study, with another dream deprived permanently asleep man. The difference this time was that the sleeper was not Cajun: the dreamer was just dreaming up a real life boogeyman. This new boogeyman was a lot smarter than Pere Malfait, its Cajun counterpart.

“This dreamt up boogeyman understood its existence, and it knew it needed to be free of its dreamer and have an independent existence. To that aim, it found victims late at night, removed them back to its lair with the broken shopping cart, and devoured them to make its body more of matter of this world. My online account was accurate in that I followed him back to his lair, but it sure was not a SUV. When he took off the burlap sack he was not a muscular man underneath; his body was only partially formed. About a third of his body was composed of black shadow, the rest was forming new flesh from what he consumed. There was a beard, but no eyes. He saw me and I soon found myself unable to walk, frozen in place. This boogeyman exhibited psionic ability. He could induce paralyzing fear or make people ignore him, which he did to the police when you encountered him. I am not new to facing such horrors, and I took out a small crossbow I have had ready for decades which was blessed to slay rakshashas, and I have given it a lot of use. I figured that the dreamer had summoned up the boogeyman, and his weakness was known to be light and fire. Two burning crossbow bolts to the chest did not harm him, and he was very close to me by then. I fired a last bolt at a shadow section of his arm that was not solid matter, and he immediately let out a terrible moan and was dispelled like a ghost, with its shadowy ectoplasm melting away into nothing, the formed fleshy parts of his body hitting the ground. I made sure the fire left nothing.

“When this was over I posted that bit online you saw so it would be known that Burlap Man was gone in case anyone else was hunting him. I did not expect to still be here thirty years later. I am sending this to you now since we live in a time when outlandish things are commonplace, and no one will ever believe ever this. But I do recommend to any readers: never underestimate what can lurk in the shadows, if you can imagine it, it probably exists somewhere, or will exist someday, or exists right now and is watching you.”

CK, October 2023

[dexccrr]

LSS - Oct 16-20, 2023

It's another week! The weather has been going crazy for the past few days - from strong rains and floods last Monday to a very sunny and humid day today :/ I'm just proud of myself that I haven't taken a leave for these past 2 weeks lol. Gotta need to work and work because I have a lot of debt to pay :( Social interactions are just expensive tbh. But I gotta need to mingle with my co-workers and friends to not be ostracized as a weirdo SMH.

Anyways, here are 2 of my earworm songs this week. Really helps me to get through a super hectic week.

#1 "Lucky Girl" - Fazerdaze

I regret discovering Fazerdaze just now :'/. She's amazing and her songs are the song of the best dreampop tunes I have heard in recent years. This song is really fun, and the beat and rhythm are very hypnotizing. The music video is the perfect definition of 'aesthetic'. I just love the overall vibe of this song. It sparks a weird nostalgia for the 90s - even though I'm born in '97 lol. From now on, I'm just exploring more of her music and I wish she can perform here in the Philippines soon :))

#2 "Seven" - Jung Kook

I'm not necessarily an army, but I do love listening to BTS songs. I'm just glad they've got to explore more of their independent side, especially with JK. He's my favorite when I first came across BTS. This song is more the on the pop side, but it's catchy AF lol. His high notes are chef's kiss. Add to that the beat is hella fresh. I also love the music video starring Han So Hee. Overall, it's an amazing song and I cannot wait to listen more to JK's solo songs in the future :)

[cyrell-jay-genilla]

THIRD BLOG

Entrep Journey part.2

Hi mga kawonder, it's been a long time, but now I'm backk!

First, do you want to know what happened last week in the class?

So mga kawonder, last week, we did our first pitching as our major requirement for this subject, the "Entrepreneurial Mind". Unfortunately, our venture proposal, the "CLIST" or "Click the List" was not clicked to the panel. And I think the reason is the lack of validation especially to our partners, the grocery stores. But, it's okay. As an entrepreneur thinks, our team believes that with every failure, there is a better opportunity that will come. Just take risks and embrace possibilities. And that's the lesson we learned from that moment.

The team decided to have changes to our business proposal. The name is still "CLIST" but a different service is offered. There are two options we made, food delivery or writing/design service that is exclusive to the CMU community. And the team decided to pick the first option which is the food delivery service. The team picked and come up with this proposal since: first, we all know that the problem at CMU is that the market in which most of the food restaurants are located is very far from different colleges so it takes time and tiring in going there to buy lunch or food. Also, there are many times that during lunchtime, there are no seats available. Then, there are times, because of a hectic class schedule especially if we have a 7 am class, we have no time to cook and eat for breakfast. With this food delivery service, I know that this will help the CMU community. Thus, the team members all agreed with this idea so we started an interview for our target market on the following day for the validation and other concerns.

The persons we interviewed are the CMU students, habal2 drivers, and food store owners since they are our target market.

For CMU students, we asked them about how many times they buy in the market, if they are willing to use and order from our website/app, if they are willing to pay for delivery charges, and how this "CLIST" will help them. For the first question, they said that they buy daily, and some said they buy 3-4 times a week. For the next two questions, all said that they are willing to use the website/app and pay for delivery charges. And to the last question, they said it will help them since it saves time and a more convenient to buy food for their lunch or breakfast since their colleges are very far from the market and also most of the time, they are busy because of hectic class schedules.

For habal2 drivers, they are willing to participate in our website and deliver food since it helps them to increase their income but they needed a food box. Don't worry since we, the team will provide the foodbox and also raincoats.

For food store owners in the market, they are willing to be registered on our website/app and pay for the registration fee since this is also another income opportunity for them. But they need a more detailed about how this works and hoping that the website/app is easy to use.

After the interview, the team decided to pursue and continue this idea since our target market is willing and interested in this delivery food service. And this will be our final proposal. I know that this will help and give advantages to the CMU community. Convenience, easy accessibility, flexibility, enhanced socialization, and community support are some of the things that CLIST will provide.

The lessons we learned this week are:

1. We should be open to changes, explore more ideas and embrace opportunities and possibilities.

2. It is important to build a strong relationship.

3. Learn from failures and always remember that failure is okay and normal, especially in business.

That ends my blog mga kawonder. I hope that you enjoy reading this and have learnings obtained. Again, see you next week, mga kawonder!

[crescendeyes]

A Friday to remember

Before I begin, I would like to start off this entry with the fact that last night was absolute shit with Aaron. Ever since I moved out, because I've been so busy trying to juggle 2 jobs, moving into and settling in to this new condo and opening for Joji this coming Sunday.

You would think that for someone so introverted such as me, I wouldn't have such a social life (which is true) but I have to much going on in my life that the contentment I feel every day is fuelling me to work twice as hard to keep this place and to find myself some serenity and peace.

Moving into a new place isn't a one day thing; I now recognise. It's constantly fixing and cleaning and eventually spread out throughout the entire month before you figure out what you hate and love about a place, what works and doesn't, your sleeping vs working schedule - and now you have to top it off with having a renewed long distance relationship. It's tough.

I have to give it to Aaron for constantly being a support in my life despite me not being able to fulfil his love languages from afar. The best I could do is quality time but being an introvert, I value my alone time and sometimes when I've had the full day of giving my energy to people, I find myself having very little left to give to myself let alone to Aaron.

We've been fighting since last night over something ridiculous and it spilled over to this morning when I woke up. I was so upset that I think for the first time ever I leaned onto my avoidant side of things and just wanted to leave everything behind (even-though I knew it was an impulsive feeling but I truly just can't deal with it).

I definitely feel the heavy sense of burden whenever it came to arguments. The sense where (whether if its bias or not) I have to always give in to his emotions and forsake mine in order to fit the peace back together. It's difficult to resolve lately because I have no patience. It's not Aaron's fault entirely but this leaves me feeling unsatisfied and unjust. Its never the case of me being upset and he makes me feel better; instead its him getting upset at me for being upset (not in a red flaggy way but in a sensitive manner)

And I know he is SUPER sensitive because I've seen his interactions with his friends and even with me. It's very volatile.

I had to let my ego down and make him feel better when he started crying....sigh...and I was late to meet Chyen and Dan but I ended up being earlier than them (or so I thought). Today was so hectic, cause I had to push out a live website for a client (which btw successfully happened by night time) + rushed to the wrong location for the Van Gogh Exhibition (wtf?). It's so messy lately, I feel like I really need to note down every single thing on my to do list before I lost track of what I have to do.

I had such an amazing time on edibles with Chyen and Dan, it was such a great way to get my mind off things tbh. Had some pretty dope photos too and that helped me forget all the issues I had with Aaron for a bit. Meanwhile, I was functioning on edibles while working and continuously taking photos and videos of my time in the exhibition.

Being the millennial girl boss I am, right after successfully launching my client's website and finishing the Van Gogh Exhibition, I came home to have a meeting with uPledge team and manage to show great numbers and next steps to come.

This weekend is all work and play in full speed.

Saturday

Pack for the weekend to go back to my parents house

Finish uPledge next steps and reporting deck at home

Have dinner with parents

Have a meeting with the uPledge team

Sunday

Have lunch with parents at home

Rush to Peakstorm Festival for soundcheck

Get hair and makeup ready

Perform for Peakstorm Festival

Go home and get ready for the new week

I'm truly so proud of myself for whatever I'm achieving this year. It's been a great start and I have a great goal oriented mindset to follow. It's amazing! Other than the fact that Aaron and I are a little rocky, I'm hoping March will change that.

[purplesurveys]

1617

1) What’re your plans for the weekend?  I’ve got an event today, so there’s that. I can’t wait for it to be over; I’m supposed to be dealing with 300 attendees today – literally 10 times as much as I would normally deal with – so with me pushing the extrovert agenda for an additional day in the week, I’m pretty sure I’ll be speeding the fuck back home the moment it’s done.

2) Could you ever be vegetarian - why or why not?  I don’t think so. I wanted to start having a vegan lifestyle in the past; but idk I like certain food too much to completely let go of them. Like sushi.

3) Name a quote from your favorite TV show:  “This is not meth.”

4) What time did you wake up this morning?  I woke up at around 7:50 since I had to be at the dentist by 9 to get braces.

5) What chores do you do around the house?  I mop and sweep the floor daily since it gets very humid in the day, making the floor sticky and gross-ish to walk on; I wash the dishes and fold clothes; then I also do the cleaning-up after the dogs. Not so much ‘around the house’ but I’m also mainly in charge of bringing them to the vet and shouldering the bills.

6) Do you like windchimes, or do they annoy you?  I can live with or without them, but I honestly feel like it would annoy me if heard on a daily basis, lol. I would like having them around the most if I was on vacation somewhere remote. 7) How much sleep do you usually get a night?  Anywhere from 5-7.

8) If you could have any outfit, cost not an issue, what would you get?  I don’t have any outfit ensemble in mind; but I would love some new pairs of shoes. It’s not that mine are on the verge of breaking apart; but it’d be nice to just have a bigger variety to choose from. 9) Do you play any instruments?  I don’t and can’t.

10) What song would you say describes your life right now?  Would probably be more relevant a little later, but Hectic by RM and Colde.

11) Do you have snacks lying around your room?  Yeah, I have a bag of truffle-flavored chips in there.

12) Did you get up to much today? If it’s morning, what are your plans? Yep I’ve already accomplished one errand this morning (getting braces), but I will be very busy in about an hour or so, since my calltime to the event venue is at noon. I’ll be manning registration so it’s gonna be the most socializing out of everyone else in the team bleck. I’m so excited to get back to my bed.

13) What’s your favorite animal to see in the zoo?  None; I usually feel a pang of guilt even when I see animals I would love otherwise, like elephants, eagles, and deer.

14) When do you start back to school or college?  I graduated college three years ago and don’t plan on coming back for a masters or doctoral degree.

15) What other social networking sites are you on?  I’m on Facebook, Twitter, Instagram, and now Bondee lmfao.

16) What was the best year of your life?  It used to be 2014, but it has since been dethroned by 2021. It would be very hard to top it, too.

17) What plans do you have for the rest of summer?  We don’t have ‘summer.’ We just have hot and very hot.

18) How old is the person you like right now?  I’m not into anyone.  19) Do you get an allowance? How much?  Well no, I’ve been earning my own money since I got a job.

20) What games console is your favorite? What about favorite game?  I’m not a big gamer. I enjoy watching walkthroughs, but I never pick up a console or controller myself.

21) If you could go anywhere right now, where would it be and why?  HOME. Be with the dogs, laze around, watch YouTube. The work week had been pretty busy so I wanted to make the weekend a time for relaxing; but I can’t for half of it.

22) Do your parents nag you a lot? What about? It’s more of just subtle callouts/reminders not to spend as much as I do on K-pop and to be responsible with my money. They’re not as naggy as they used to be.

23) What is there on the walls of your room?  Nothing. When I repainted it last month, I didn’t return the posters and frames on the walls anymore. Nothing but fresh white paint on it now.

24) Is there anyone that just really annoys you?  Sure.

25) What are your plans for tomorrow, anything good?  Aside from our usual Sunday mass, nothing. I hope there’s nothing else that comes up; I didn’t have a weekend last week and now my Saturday is also taken. If tomorrow happens as planned, it would be the first time in like 2 weeks that I can get to spend the weekend at home.

26) If you could wake up tomorrow being able to do one thing perfectly, what would it be?  Dance.

27) You have two wishes to make to help the world, and one can’t be “another wish” or anything similar. What wishes do you make?  Clean water and ample supply of food.

28) Do you reckon world peace is possible or are we just too selfish?  History has shown us time and time again that it isn’t. People are always looking for something to gain.

29) Do you listen to Bright Eyes?  I’m afraid I’ve never heard of them. 30) Are you interested in politics, or do you just not care?  Very interested. Those who choose not to care don’t really sit right with me.

[copperbadge]

1 of 2. Hi Sam - good morning! Re anxiety & ADHD. As a long-time clinical psychologist and experiencer of anxiety I would say that there is somewhat of a difference between the anxiety disorders identified in DSM such as GAD, (they typically address excessive/unrealistic/unwarranted worry/anxiety/fear) and the stress/anxiety that comes from knowing we are not managing to do the things necessary to keeping our life running smoothly because of, for example, ADHD. Of course, someone can experience

both at the same time. Typically, what we do about them differs a bit. For the excessive worry of GAD, we might help people change their relationship to worry thoughts so they're less dominated by them and they do less to 'fuel them.' With the stress of struggling with managing life tasks, we might use meds or behavioral strategies to increase ability and/or find ways of reducing life demands - to the extent that's possible in a capitalist society :(

Turns out I can't write the letters DSM without adding a disclaimer! DSM treats a complex biopsychosocial experience like anxiety a bit like it's measles - like it's a disease which we have or don't have: not my experience personally or professionally, & the data around many mental health issues suggests they're dimensional rather than categorical & they have complex, interactional risk factors to varying degrees. DSM may have some utility but it's not 'the truth.'

Yikes, I just found this in my drafts after having lost it for like...I think a couple of weeks at least, sorry Anon that I did not respond sooner. If it’s any consolation there’s at least one ask in my inbox from 2014. 

What you’re saying about GAD vs. bog-standard “something’s wrong in my life” anxiety makes a lot of sense, and is kind of how I was looking at it, I think, but I’m not sure I was vocalizing it well. What was throwing me for a loop was the evaluator saying that I had really severe levels of anxiety, something that was worrying to her in a clinical sense -- GAD never really came up as a term, it was just what I had to go on when I got off the zoom call with her and googled about it. (She was very clear to state that while I had anxiety surrounding social situations she was not offering a diagnosis of Social Anxiety, both parts of which I agree with.) Of course it’s hard to know when you’re sitting in it whether what you’re feeling is unwarranted, but I felt like what worry I do feel is generally legit. I’ve been able to identify “Hey you’re freaked out about nothing” before, including times I couldn’t stop freaking out about nothing, but that seemed to me to be evidence I had a sense of scale, and it was never chronic. 

These last few days, having shoveled out from under a bunch of stuff, I’ve been unsettled about the fact that there are periods of time when I don’t need to be doing anything. There’s stuff I could be doing, my to-do list isn’t empty, but none of it is catch-on-fire urgent the way much of my life has chronically been. I’m just so conditioned to having forgotten to do stuff and/or having stuff I know I should be doing that when I am permitted by circumstances to just sit and vegetate, I’m extremely bad about accepting it. Reading is helping, since there’s always another book to read and it fulfills my “I should be doing something” sense without actually wearing me out, and Dearborn is helping by sitting on me a bunch, but it’s very much an adjustment.

Still haven’t gotten the evaluation report from the clinic. I nudged the person who said she was doing the writeup, and she said she’d have it for me by today, then a few hours later emailed me to say “Actually your case was assigned to another doctor. I’ve asked her to bump it to the top of her queue, but I don’t have an ETA for you.”

They’ve got until August (mainly because the second half of July is going to be super hectic for me) and then I’m getting insurance involved. 

[mr-lancers-english-class]

The Roommate

Chapter 2: The Eldritch Latte

ao3

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Two weeks into classes, and Jay had barely gotten another word out of his roommate.

Jay’s own life had gotten hectic, sure, but it wasn’t unreasonable. He was taking four intro classes that had thus far amounted to reviewing what he’d learned in high school and/or what he’d researched on his own time and one hellish writing class with the weirdest teacher he had ever had the misfortune to encounter. He had tried joining the Ghost Hunter’s of Amity club, but had quit after the second meeting when the club president had gone on a fifteen minute tirade about how ghosts were evil scum that deserved to burn in hell and every single other member had agreed wholeheartedly. Jay knew he wasn’t always the most socially adept, but even he could spot a toxic environment as bad as that. The field of ghost research was so biased and naive as is, he didn’t want to play any part in keeping it that way. He’d ended up stumbling upon a debate and lit club on his way home from that particularly disastrous meeting that had been going pretty well, so small victories and all that. But for as much as he still had on his plate, Danny’s life was so much more.

Jay barely ever saw the guy, much less had time to stop and chat. Danny seemed to be taking like seven or eight classes, he was probably working at least a part time job that didn’t seem to pay too well, his sleep schedule was all shades of fucked if it existed at all, and Jay could have sworn he’d woken up at three in the morning to Danny crawling in through their window at least twice. He wasn’t a hundred percent certain about that last one, in part because Jay knew he had a tendency to have very vivid dreams and in part because their room was on the fourth fucking floor , but he was like ninety percent sure.

In fact, and Jay had to laugh at the hilarity of this whole situation, he had spoken more with the weird cyber-emo guy who probably lived in their dorm building and definitely took way too much advantage of the coffee machines in the communal kitchen in the basement than he had spoken with his own roommate.

They had met a week and a half into classes, when Jay had been up at two in the morning because he’d been watching an eight hour video about a TV show he used to watch with his sister when he’d suddenly remembered the five page first draft due in nine hours. He’d left his dorm room devoid of human life to take a stretch and try to whip up something resembling a latte before subjecting himself to the hell that was trying to parse out what the professor wanted. The espresso had been half done brewing when a loud thump sounded through the room. Jay spun fast enough to make himself dizzy, and as he grabbed for the counter to keep himself from falling, he found himself looking at the guy he would come to mentally dub Caffeine Dude.

That first time, Caffeine Dude was the source of the thump. As Jay tried to make his brain work enough to process the scene in front of him, Caffeine Dude began to pull himself up from where he had tripped face-first onto the ugly fake tile of the kitchen. Or maybe fallen off his chair, Jay couldn’t say. Either way, he was sporting a nasty shiner around his right eye that seemed to be tinted green in the pathetic light of the street lamp outside the window because Jay hadn’t cared enough to actually turn a light on inside.

“Yo, dude, you good? I didn’t see you there when I came in.” Jay got his bearings enough to extend his hand out and help Caffeine Dude up to standing. “Sorry for waking you, I gotta write a paper and I didn’t notice you when I came in.” Caffeine Dude made it up to his feet, and laughed a little as he dusted himself off. The laugh felt tight, but who was Jay to judge? It was late enough that time wasn’t real and he was ready to pretend that this had never happened if that was what Caffeine Dude needed for his dignity.

“Yeah, no, I’m good. Just, startled me a bit. Not normally anyone else down here at this time of morning.”

“Not morning yet.” At Caffeine Dude’s confused look, Jay continued to talk as he sized the guy up. “Morning doesn't happen till at least three thirty.”

Caffeine Dude was weird . Like, weird by college standards, which were some pretty fucked up standards anyway. He had bright white hair, so white Jay could have sworn it was glowing. That also could have been the sleep deprivation, but he was too tired to care. He was wearing a funky-looking jumpsuit made of some black rubbery material with white gloves and boots, and he had a band logo or something like it emblazoned across his chest in white as well. Caffeine Dude’s eyes were an electric green, almost like the color of that one soda that Jay couldn’t think of the name of right then but gave him both a pounding headache and the ability to fistfight God and win. 

“Interesting philosophy, I guess.”

“Hmm, yeah. Makes me feel better about when I stay up too late. Want any coffee?” Jay turned away from Caffeine Dude to finish up his latte-to-be. “I know we just met, but dude if you’re falling asleep in the dorm kitchen I think you need more hot bean juice than I do which is saying something, and I’ve been told I make a mean latte- well, not really, it’s not actually a good latte, but it’s a strong latte and I think that’s more important than being good, so do you want one?” Jay finished adding the instant coffee to his own espresso shots and looked back at Caffeine Dude.

Caffeine Dude just stared at him. 

“I’ll take that as a yes?” When he didn’t get any response beyond a slight tilt of the head, Jay went back to the espresso machine and set it up for three more shots. “One eldritch latte, coming right up.” Caffeine Dude didn’t say anything.

When Jay finished making the energy concoction, he set it on the table in front of Caffeine Dude, grabbed his own drink, mumbled “good night”, and went back to his dorm. The paper wasn’t going to write itself, for as much as he would have liked it to.

An hour later, Danny entered the dorm room through the main door. Jay nodded in his direction with a hum. Had he been a little less tired, he might have noticed Danny nodding back.

[yn-x-animeboy]

Jungkook x y/n (as a famous artist) Pt.3

sinopsis: You are a popular artist in America, pretty famous, loved and well-known by the general public (actually you were one of the top 10 artists in the world but you are pretty humble and naïve to realize your popularity), one day during one of your fan meets you talk about how much you love BTS, and not only how you wish to meet them and work with them but how Jungkook is one of your celebrity crushes. During the meet you fangirled with other ARMYs in the crowd; video clips of you fangirling and talking about BTS at your meet where posted and reposted all over social media. This obviously broke the internet because you were not only a famous singer but you also were always accepted and loved by ARMY and this made a lot of people happy. Suddenly it felt like everyone wanted you to meet the seven handsome and talented idols and collaborate, but you could only wish, you believed they didn't even know who you were...or so you thought

pairing: reader x Jungkook

genre: fluff, romance, for entertainment purposes

BTS x Fem Reader

Parts: 1 here & 2 here

---

Part: 3 - The Jimmy Fallon Show

A couple of months have passed since your fan meet episode went viral and since BTS saw the video too. A lot has happened since then tbh, you kept working hard, you just put out your 5th studio album which is doing amazing in the charts, it reached no.1 for album of the year and 3 of your songs stand in the first places amongst other artists on the top 100 songs as well. BTS have also been working on music and projects, not a lot of time for you all. 

Even though it has been a long time since your ‘fan meet’ episode was aired  the media still brings up your episode highlights where you talk about BTS, it is not another really, it doesn't seem to affect you. Neither you or BTS have openly spoken about this to the general public, to them, it seemed like a cute exchange between you and your fans where they got ‘close and personal’. The only difference now is that your fans and ARMYs now have a ship name for you and Jungkook, and they still wish their ship could sail someday….

Thanks to the success your album has had in the short time it was published, you have been invited to multiple talk-shows to promote your new music and to basically catch up with the media. As an artist the whole publicity thing is important for your team and company. Even though it can be hard to ‘do press’ as a celebrity, you enjoy it and always do your best for your supporters. Your fans and everyone who became a fan of your infamous episode would troll around twitter writing things like ‘will BTS be on this show appearing with y/n?’ ‘AYe y/n watch out, they are going to surprise you with BTS’; but you didn't really have time to see them, only your team was aware. Your days working + rehearsing + promoting don't really give you time to scoop around your social media.

Today on your schedule: The Tonight Show Starring Jimmy Fallon. Tonight you will be performing and having an interview for the show. You love this show so much, you have been invited before,  and you really feel comfortable on set in the company of Jimmy and his team/staff, they are always super nice and welcoming. You haven’t been there for an interview in a while and you are excited. (Even though it went viral, and it was your fantasy, the whole “I WISH I COULD MEET BTS AT A TONIGHT SHOW” was not really on your mind today, probablly because of how hectic your day was. You woke up super early and took a flight on your jet to New York, then you went to rehearsal to rehearse the song you’ll be performing tonight, went to the hotel and took a shower, went to two important business meetings for your record company, barely had time to eat, then went and had hair and makeup done for an afternoon interview for a radio show and finally some rest before you went to the Jimmy Fallon studio)

The Tonight Show starts at 10:00pm but you have to get there earlier to greet Jimmy and the staff, to quickly rehearse your performance, to go over details about the show, get ready, etc. You arrive on set at around 6:00pm in sweatpants, a baggy Ariana Grande merch T-shirt, sneakers and fresh hair from your second shower today. You walk through the door next to your personal bodyguard Lee and Manager Sam, followed by your stylist Meg behind you, you look around to see if you could recognize any familiar faces, The camera crew were setting up their high budget equipment, staff members cleaning, running around and preparing for tonight's live interview. Jimmy comes out from behind a door with casual clothes and messy hair, nothing like his sleek professional look on TV. Smiling he greets you and your team; he takes a step forward and hugs you tightly “Hi y/n it’s so nice to see you, it has been a while we have missed you, ever since your interview was scheduled for this week the staff has been excited to see you again, including me, you are one of our favorite guests to have over i swear” you look at him sweetly with hands on your chest from his hind words (the reason why they loved you so much was because you were different from other celebrities on the show, you were always super polite and nice to the staff and took time out of your schedule to greet everyone and introduce yourself, even though you were one of the biggest stars in the world you humble personality attracted many). “Omg stop Jimmy you are so sweet, I love your show so much it’s always an honor, thanks again for inviting meI wanna say hi to the staff, can I?” You said; Jimmy has been like a mentor to you when it comes to interviews and press, he was one of the first people to believe in you and interview you when you debuted. “Yes of course you go ahead, I’ll talk with your manager while you do so to catch up.” (They were good friends too)

While Jimmy and Sam catch up, and your stylist and bodyguard follow an assistant to put your stuff in the dressing room; you walk around introducing yourself to the staff; you visit the camera crew, the audio booth, the lighting crew, the producers, the PD, the meeting room, even the cafeteria. This helped you also to loosen up and feel more comfortable and confident for the show. After the greeting you quickly rehearsed with your talented backup dancers for the performance to get used to the ‘stage’ and the spacing.

One of the sweet staff members you just met offered to show you to your dressing room where Lee, Sam and Meg were waiting for you. You entered the spacious dressing room and sat at a small couch next to Lee (he was your bodyguard but sometimes even acted like a father/guardian to you, you were thankful you had a close connection with your team) You treated them all, including your dancers, to a mini banquet of food from the cafeteria and chatted about nothing before you had to start getting ready. Sam started getting constant phone calls, as your manager he was constantly busy on the phone, he ignored a couple of them but the caller seemed insistant, Sam saw the caller ID and shot up and ran outside to answer. “Ey no phones on the table mister” you teased as he was halfway out the door, he flipped you off and you back at him and proceeded to finish your snack; “Who would be so insistent, the company handles the calls when Sam has something to to with y/n… this interview has been scheduled for a month now…” Meg, your stylist commented, but you just just shrugged her shoulders as you swallowed the last bite of your sandwich, not really thinking too much about it. You stood up to brush your teeth after finishing eating. (what you failed to notice was Lee making a face to Meg basically telling her to ‘shut up’.... they knew something you didn’t but you didn’t see said interaction at all)

After 20-30 mins Sam came back as if nothing happened, you were now sitting in front of the large vanity mirror and Meg staring at your hair behind you. “Is everything okay Sammy?” You asked, thinking the call could be from a family member or an emergency, judging on the time it took. “No, yes- um it was just a catch up call, apparently the company did not answer their call in my place so they called me directly ignoring the fact that I was here with you.” he spoke. “Ah yeah, well that's good, well we finished our food and cleaned up so the girls (referring to the 2 backup dancers) and I could start getting ready but I left you and Lee some cookies and coffee on the table” you said pointing to the small coffee table in front of the couch that was previously filled with food, Lee, a 6’5 tall man sitting in a tiny couch with a cookie on his right hand and coffee on his left making space for Sam to sit next to him. cute. 

You finish getting ready, hair done simple and comfortable for your interview and later performance, light natural makeup letting your natural beauty show off and fancy yet comfortable outfit that allows you to sit and dance comfortably. You felt really pretty and powerful. It was 9:30, only 30 mins before The Tonight Show started. before The live audience was allowed inside the studio you went over your dance quickly to make sure your outfit was safe to dance in, to make sure the music was the right one and to let the camera crew plan out their shots for the dance and interview segments. Once again you bought your head towards the staff and wished them good luck and a good show, you introduced yourself to the live band that accomplies Jimmy for the show as well and went backstage again for the final touch ups and waited for your turn to come out.

----

“.... and now here is your host...Jimmy Fallon'' he was introduced as the audience clapped for him and he walked across the set to his desk. “Hi, everyone, and welcome to THE TONIGHT SHOW!!!” The crowd cheered again for Jimmy. “Normally we have multiple guests on this show and from 10:00 pm to 12:00am we talk to multiple guests but today is a little different, today we have a very very special guest who will be with us. the. full. show!!!” The audience was comforted by a lot of your fans since it was announced you would be the guest tonight they prepared, and as soon as they heard this immediately stood up and cheered knowing it was you he was talking about. “She is one of my favorite artists, she is the sweetest, most talented artist today. Everyone welcome…. y/n'' The crowd went crazy as you came out from behind the curtain. Seeing everyone you bowed down to the audience and waved your hands, then you took Jimmy's hand to help you up the steps to the couch next to his talk show desk and sat down again bowing your head and mouthing ‘thank you’ to the still cheering audience.

“Wow the people love you y/n'' Jimmy said. “Hahaha no, stop, Thank you all, I love you so much I don't deserve you all.” you said blushing a little from the overwhelming support. The interview started normally, Jimmy introduced you properly to the camera and audience, you spoke about yourself and answered the general questions (‘What have you been doing these days?’ ‘Tell us about your album’.... blah blah)

After a couple of questions you did a fun activity with Jimmy where you created a funny sketch similar to the ones on SNL, you followed the lines on the promter and it came out to be a really funny and light activity to interlude the show. Then after a small break you went back to your seats and continued the Q&A.

“It's crazy, y/n’s latest album is the number one album in the country and she also holds the first, second and third spots for the billboard top 100 hits. You even broke a record for this, to being the youngest and first woman to ever achieve this.” Jimmy said as you smiled and looked at the cheering crowd. “Its crazy, I never thought one day I could even hold a place in the top 100, and now I actually hold 3 places plus another 1st place for album of the country, Thank you all so much for supporting me, this would've happened if it wasn't for all of the people who supported my music, Thank you for giving my music a chance.”

“So actually the next billboard award show is tomorrow, and y/n, we heard you are going to be performing.. is that so?” Jimmy smoothly transitioned form question to question, topic from topic. “Yeah I was blessed to not only be nominated for an award but to also be invited to perform for the ceremony, I am so excited, It is an honor, it not my first time performing at the billboard’s but I have so much fun every time, hopefully the audience will like my performance and the other guest performers of the night, I can’t wait.

“What are you performing tomorrow y/n?”, “Shhh it’s a surprise Jimmy, I can give you a little spoiler, I am performing one of my new album’s songs, it is one of my favorite songs on it” You smoothly avoided actually answering what song you would be performing tomorrow. “Mhm okay how about you tell me in secret during the commercial break I have to know…” Jimmy insisted “Sure Jimmy I’ll tell you”. “Okay so guys let's go to a short commercial break, but don’t leave cause when we are back y/n will be performing live, don't you miss it!” Jimmy said and waved with you as the producer called for the commercial break. 

After the commercial break you got to perform one of your hit songs next to your back up dancers, you let yourself go to the music and enjoyed the performance; you really got lost in the music and dancing every time you had an audience, you loved this so much. After your performance you received a standing ovation form the people present on set, Jimmy went over from his seat to you, he congratulated and complimented you. He then guided you to your seat and gave you some water; he made some ads/sponsorship bits while you grabbed some air and while Meg retouched your hair and makeup while the cameras weren’t on you.

Jimmy then came back after another small break to proceed with the interview: “So y/n I actually wanted to talk to you about something really big” you made a face at Jimmy’s word choices (you had somewhat of a dirty mind) “Hahahaha, Don't make that face y/n, it's not what you think… God.. what a dirty mind you have; I meant I wanted to talk to you about something that recently happened and I’m sure everyone wants to have an update on'' Jimmy made himself clear. “Hahahaha oh, okay sure, tell me” 

“A couple of months ago you went viral on social media after you talked about BTS on one of your episodes, and your fans and ARMYs went crazy, not gonna lie even I got excited” As soon as you heard Jimmy say “BTS'' your face dropped making the audience giggle at your reaction, you started to get anxious. “Hah-, um yeah that happened, I didn't expect for it to become such a big thing tbh Jimmy” you said.

“So in the episode you got asked by one of your fans something about how you would want to meet them or something and you mentioned how you would like to meet then on a talk show… like this one” Jimmy said with a smug expression taking over his face. You quickly spoke before he could say something else “Omg Jimmy stop, I swear if I look behind this couch and BTS is hiding behind it I will have a heart attack, please don't play with me, I’m not ready, stop that''

 The crowd and Jimmy laughed at your cute panic. “Don’t worry y/n, no, I swear they are not there” Jimmy treasured. “IDK MAN, I’m gonna look behind the couch….” you dared; “Go ahead y/n” Jimmy fired back; this made you more nervous, you made a ‘I’m tough’ face at Jimmy and moved your body sideways, “If there is someone behind here I will run Jimmy, I. WILL. RUN. I don’t know where or how far but I will run out..” Jimmy and the audience laughed again and stopped as you looked behind the couch….. and…… there behind the couch…… there was…….. nothing. You started laughing as you went back to your original sitting position, the audience looking curiously at you. “Hahahaha ahhhh there is nothing there” whipping some laughing tears off the inner corner of your eyes you looked at Jimmy who was too laughing at you. “I told you y/n! ahahahah”

Jimmy looked at the camera and directed to the audience “For the people who don’t know what we are talking about and/or haven't seen y/n’s latest episode we have some clips for you” You looked at Jimmy and at the crew wanting to refuse due to your embarrassment, you felt exposed. The video played on the screen, the screen was split so that while the episode clips showed on screen your reaction could also be seen at the same time. Only a small trailer was played, which made you confused, you thought they would play the clips where you deeply talk about BTS…

The video stopped and the audience clapped, “Well that's just a small trailer of the full episode if anyone would like to go over and watch it it was pretty fun… I really enjoy ‘y/n’s camera roll’ episodes, I highly recommend” you smiled and appreciated the free proportion but you went anxious again as Jimmy spoke, “But y/n I actually have a small surprise for you, actually BTS saw your episode and reacted to it on camera…” You went stiff…. he said what???? BTS saw your video? they learned who your where?.... wait. THEY SAW THE VIDEO????? THEY SAW YOU FANGIRLING OVER THEM AND THIRSTING OVER JK AND HERD YOUR STUPID FANTASY????

 “OMG Jimmy no…. AHHH no….” You said as realization dawned on you and you covered your face with your hands.

“oh y/n yes… and we have the video of their reaction here, for the first time ever, an exclusive for the Tonight Show…. watch the screen y/n'' The screen was again split to show your reaction + the video. You lifted your face from your hands and held on to Jimmy’s hand on the desk, bracing yourself for further embarrassment and probable rejection. The video played: 

(BTS reacting to your episode. {the bullet points are your ‘present day’ reactions to BTS reacting to you})

The video started . “Oi, it’s y/n'' Jin immediately said as soon as your face appeared on their screen, “Is this a new episode?” Jimin asked out loud, “Wait what day is it? they normally go up on Friday, did we miss it?” Taehyung spoke.

“OMG no way, they know who I am, omg I’m crying Jimmy” You actually started tearing up and Jimmy squished your hands tighter as he read the subtitles added (you understood Korean).

“Hello everyone welcome to another episode of…. f** I don't even know what we call these videos, jajajaja” “Wait what?... jajajajaja omg guys thank you, I'm so sorry, yeah you heard them, welcome back to y/n’s camera roll, I can’t believe I forgot that, anyway today’s episode is a little different……” the boys chuckle at your genuine personality “hahaha gwiyeoun” (haha cute) Suga added, J-Hope agreeing with him as he gave Suga a piece of the food he was having. Kookie was currently watching the screen not even blinking, he hadn’t taken a bite out of his noodles or a sip out of his banana milk, Jimin noticed and pointed at him looking back at the guys with a silent laugh.

You kept crying and making faces reacting to them every time they spoke

“Hi, y/n, can I ask you another question?” “I saw that you liked an instagram post about BTS a while back uploaded by a fan account and I also saw that you actually follow their personal twitter account. ALSO in your behind the scenes video for your music video shoot you can be seen in the background dancing the Boy with luv choreo. So I wanted to ask if you were an ARMY and if you know them personally? and like should we be expecting a collaboration soon?”

“No way….Omg what she says she hates us” Jimin said. “Imagine if she said she hates us, is this why you guys are making us watch this?” Suga looked  at the staff.

“OMG I could never, NO omg how could I hate them” you commented wiping away your tears and back to squeezing Jimmy’s stretched hand on the desk

 “Can we keep watching hyungs…” Jungkook said looking around at the others, a bit desperate to find out what you said next. “Oi, wouldn't you want to know guki…” Jin teased him, wiggling his eyebrows and slapping the back of his head playfully. Before Jungkook could fight back RM reached over them and pressed play, preventing a ‘playful’ fight between the youngest and oldest member to take place.

You froze at the interaction between Jungkook and Jin… but kept watching not wanting to overthink it.

“OMG hahaha I love you so much, what an amazing question, Okay so first off no I don’t know them personally and sadly no plans of collaboration are on sight. Oh wow I have never been asked if I liked BTS before, I’m excited hahaha. Yeah I am an ARMY, I love them so much I am one of their biggest fans, and they are also one of my biggest inspirations when it comes to work ethic and professionalism, listening to them or watching them gives me motivation to keep doing what I love, which is this. anyway I am rambling I should stop; you guys can say y/n stop whenever I start rambling okay? hahaha''

RM stood up with hands on his head; Jin and J-Hope held on to each other with their mouths wide open looking at the screen; V was still sitting in the same spot, frozen, as if he was paused in time along with the now paused screen; Suga stood up with his hands on his mouth bouncing his knees lightly; Jimin reached to RM behind him and stretched his arms out with a ‘Did you hear that?’ expression; Jungkook leaned over the table and pulled the screen closer, he was smiling from ear to ear letting out a small “wow” under his breath, then he replayed your answer to listen to it one more time, rereading the subtitles under the video making sure he did not miss any words.

You chuckled at their individual reactions and resumed your crying at their reactions because you couldn’t believe they knew you and could be so cute towards a video of you

 “y/n Okay so, who is your favorite member?” “Well first off, I don't have a favorite member. I really mean it when I say this. I love them all equally and I love them all as a group. I don’t prefer one over the other or like one better.  I really do support them equally. I mean there is nothing wrong with having a bias, as long as you also respect the other members, hope that all made sense lol” Everyone seemed moved by your support towards them and nodded.

Again the boys reacted, they were so surprised they paused again and walked back and forth making sounds of excitement

Jimmy smiled proudly at you and helped you wipe a tear with a tissue 

“Y/n so you don’t have a favorite, but do you have a crush on any of them?, like if you could date one of them right now, which one do you pick?” A fan asked. “okay...well...Like I said just to be clear I don't have favorites amongst the group members, but I do have a type…. I consider one of them to be my celebrity crush”......“So in that case, if I had to pick someone that I would date in real life...i would say…. Jungkook” 

You put your forehead on Jimmy’s desk, you felt embarrassed, you knew what was coming, the audience was also reacting along and they got super excited at this part. You were scared over what BTS would think/say about this.

The. Guys. Went. Nuts. Jungkook immediately stood up and lifted his hands up in the air as if he had won an award, he paused the video and started smiling like crazy; 

A staff member spoke to Jungkook on the video : “How do you feel Jungkook?” He lifted his face from his hands and ran his fingers through his hair, his eyes were glossy and his smile wide. “I-I don't know what to say, I can’t believe it,” he said as he sat down looking  at the pause screen, looking at your still image. His hyungs patted him on the back; Jimin turned his head to the staff as he was rubbing JK’s back with one hand, “You know Jungook has had the biggest crush on y/n for so long now” Jimin told the staff. 

you completely froze, you started shaking, Jimmy was looking at you happily, the audience was going crazy, even the crew was invested in the k-drama worthy content. You went numb, you kept looking at the screen frozen.

Jungkook looked up and spoke to the staff: “Yeah I remember listening to her debut song for the longest time without really thinking about who the artist was. When her first studio album broke records I decided to look her up, I watched a video of her talking about the album and her experience as a new artist and I think ever since then I have had a crush on her; she is my ideal type”

Everyone was going crazy in the Tonight Show studio. EVEN Jimmy let go of you and stood up pacing around his desk, no one was expecting this. You came out of your trance as Jimmy shook you and you wiped more tears clouding your vision.

“Why is she your ideal type?” a staff member in the back asked JK. “Ha. um. well  I think my ideal type of girl is someone who is funny and has a bright and cool personality; someone who as soon as they step into a room they immediately light it up; someone who is goofy and isn't afraid to become a joke or mess up; A confident person; someone who isn't too girly or too boyish; someone who likes to learn new  things and from who I can learn new things too; someone who is younger than me; Someone who loves dancing and singing a lot, etc. And y/n is kinda all that and more tbh; 

You felt like you were dreaming… Totally forgetting you were on live television. The butterflies in your stomach felt more like birds. your heart pounding out of your chest and body glued to your seat.

The video of you time skipped again to the ‘fantasy’ answer’: “Okay so, my literal fantasy is to one day meet them at a talk show, you know how hosts like to surprise their guests with something/someone they like?, I believe Ellen has done it multiple times where she surprised a guest with their idol or celebrity crush, you know?” The group nodded, invested in your fake scenario “Well i would be invited to like the Jimmy Fallon Show, where he would just randomly surprise me with BTS. Then I would be given the opportunity to introduce myself and tell them how much I love and support them. I would also be able to show them my korean speaking skills, I learned Korean and Spanish back in school and I have never been able to actually use either them, lol, anyway...well after that we would all become really good friends, and we would collaborate and put out one or multiple songs for you guys. I mean that's basically it, I wish I could meet them, and become their friend and write songs with them, even produce songs with Suga or RM if I could'' 

you cringed at the sound of your voice, you were so embarrassed. The audience, crew and Jimmy found this and your reaction to be so adorable.

“What???? does she speak korean?” / “OMG Jungkook is she speaks korean marry her” / “OMG I wanna meet her now”  / “That's so cute” / “She is so cool” 

oMg, even after the video stopped you kept crying and sobbing, it almost felt like you had made it in life, you curled into a ball, you didn't care if you were live or not.

(end of video, camera was back to you and Jimmy only)

“y/n this is amazing, this was my first time watching the video too, how do you feel, hahahaha stop crying this is good y/n” He rubbed your hand and passed you a new tissue from his desk. You cleaned yourself up and accepted a new water bottle from a crew assistant.

“I- I’m at a loss for words Jimmy, I cannot even process it; I love them so much hahaha” You sniffed and looked at Jimmy innocently. “By the way I am so sorry for crying like this, ew I’m a mess right now, I so sorry for anyone watching” 

“No no, you are good, your fans love you and love to see the real you; right guys?” Jimmy said looking at the crowd and once again they all cheered for you, this made you happy and you smiled again. “Thank You all so much, thank you to anyone involved in the making of this reaction video and this segment of the show AND FOR WHOEVER ADDED THE SUBTITLES FOR THE STUDIO hahaha, I am so happy, I want to keep crying but I will compose myself for now and once I go home cry some more hahaha” 

“Y/N so obviously you are an ARMY, would you mind playing a small game with me?...” You nodded at Jimmy. “Okay so after the break we will be back  with y/n, and she will prove how big of an ARMY she actually is…”

Another commercial break was called, Meg again came over and cleaned you up, she fixed your hair and makeup and then made you change into some sneakers (you performed in heels), fresh sweatpants and a shirt that compliment your figure. Your manager told you that for the next segment you needed comfy clothes. You had so much in your mind right now you didn’t even question it.

“Okayyy and we are back everybody, so right now as you can see y/n has changed into a more sporty outfit, right y/n?” you looked at him and at the camera and answered back. “Yeah, i’m in my natural form now” you said as you modeled your comfy wear

“So today I will put your BTS knowledge to the test, I will play a snippet of a BTS song, to your right you have two buttons ‘dance button’ or ‘sing’ button; you can either dance to the part being played when you hit the dance button or keep singing the song if your hit the ‘sing’ button.” Jimmy challenged you as he explained the next activity, to the left of you a small table with both buttons and a mic was set up, you accepted and started the challenge; the game went like this; Dynamite, dance; Mic Drop, dance; No more dream, dance; Daechwita, sing/rap; the crowd was super hyped and Jimmy was loving your energy and the way you executed the songs perfectly, suddenly you recognized Euphoria being played, you clicked the sing button and you started to complete the lyrics as the music was switched to ‘karaoke mode’… you started to sing and suddenly you heard a voice behind you singing with you, and you couldn’t even turn around to prove yourself you were not mistaken, you knew that voice too well, the live audience was losing it, the crew looked excited, you went numb, you looked back and it seemed like a joke, a complete dream…..

The seven guys were coming out from behind the curtain, being led by Jungkook, he was singing the bridge of the song, mic in hand and just looking at you. Your knees gave out and you curled on your knees as you cried on your knees, ‘there is no way’, you could even begin to process what was going on, The boys were a little shy and stayed behind you as Jimmy lifted you from the floor and made you look at them.....

----

PART 4 > HERE

AHhhh I love this part hahahhaha

Hope you liked it. PArt 4 is up; please give me a lil <3 if you liked this. :) Xx

[bts-teaspoonff]

Fangirl pt. 3

Genre: Romance, Slow Burn, Idol A/U

Pairing: BTS OT7 x reader

Rating: PG

Summary: Y/N, being a huge fangirl, finally got her chance to work alongside her favorite idol group as a backup dancer. She gets to know each member personally and realizes that her feelings may be more than fangirl-idol attraction.

Word Count: 5.6K

Taglist: @nochujeonjk @i-like-puppy-mg @miyochan @satotakeru14​

PARTS: 1 | 2 | 3 | 4 | 5 | .... masterlist

So far, your week of waiting for the company’s response was uneventful to say the least. You exchanged contacts with some of the dancers and they have all been very friendly with everyone. You were busy with work at the gym and at the dance studio so that made you take off your mind from the backup dancer job at least for a while.

During those days that you were waiting, you took double shifts in the gym and twice the amount of classes in the dance studio. You wanted to push yourself just to ease your nerves. Also, you need to pay this month’s rent alone since your roommate and best friend is out on vacation.

Lisa, your bestfriend. She’s been with you ever since college. Both of you only started living together when your brother moved out but she used to always live near you. When she moved in with you, she would always leave to travel somewhere for at least a month then come back to you. That was now your routine with Lisa. She loves travelling so much that she promised to fulfill her bucketlist as soon as both of you graduated. Her family is pretty well-off and she manages this online clothing shop to finance her trips. You and Lisa constantly video call each other almost every day. Sometimes, you would even answer each other’s call even when you’re in the shower. Of course, you already informed her about your pending job in Big Hit. She almost exploded from happiness when she got the news. She was hiking that time and it almost gave you a heart attack when you saw her jumping from happiness near the ledge. You could say that she’s your #1 fan and you are hers too.

The day came when you received the email. You were eating your breakfast at that time, taking a big bite of your omelet sandwich. You choked on your glass of water as you read the email saying “Congratulations. You are now formally a part of Big Hit’s Dance Team.” You read the other contents of the email as you generously drink water once more. You are soon to be expected to start two days from now. You can’t contain your excitement as you feel your face beaming with happiness. You could just dance your ass off right now from joy. You walked to your room with a sandwich still in your mouth as you reach for your speakers. You blasted Anpanman by BTS on full volume and pranced around the room. You also took your RJ and Koya plushies, hugged it and twirled around. You buried yourself under big Chimmy, Tata, Cooky, Mang and Shooky plushies on your couch.

You nervously entered the Big Hit building once more and went straight to the practice room. You made sure not to order a big glass of coffee this time, even though it’s very tempting. You just made a small cup of coffee at home, a routine that greatly relaxed you. You enter the room with one hand tightly gripping the strap of your cross body bag. You saw familiar faces and was grinning from ear to ear. It turns out that everyone was accepted and no one was left behind. A few of them ran to you, hugged you and then pushed you to join some of them sitting on the floor.

The dance directors and choreographers gathered all of you to discuss the plans for the dance team. Everyone was then assigned to different artists to solely focus on their performances. They started calling out the names of the dancers and the artists who they will be working with. Our main dance director started with TXT and you were not on the dancer’s list. You silently chant each of the boys’ names one by one, as if you were having a ritual on your own, until the dance director mentioned BTS. Your ears were on full concentration mode as he calls the names of the dancers one by one. As if on cue as you were continuing to chant the boys’ name and imagining your name being called, you heard your name slip from the dance director’s lips. You really tried your best to not shout and celebrate. You feel like you won the lottery at this point from your chain of good luck lately.

Each dance team then went on to different practice rooms. You, along with other male and female backup dancers, were present in another practice room as your dance choreographer started informing everyone that BTS is planning an online concert months from now. Everyone will be performing a lot of new numbers, including new dance breaks that will be mainly composed of you with the other female backup dancers.

For the first week, everyone started the dance practices without the boys yet. Everyone would spend hours being taught group performances by different choreographers. Two of which are old songs from their old albums and two were from their latest album. At first, you struggled to keep up with the other dancers but all of them were nice in helping one another when one has a hard time with performing the steps. You also made friends with the male backup dancers especially those who were close to your age. All of you were quick to get acquainted with each other and that made work very fun. You would always be light on your feet when coming to work since you’re glad you could make new friends who share the same passion. Everyone was so nice to you too since you’re the youngest out of the female backup dancers but there are also two male dancers younger than you.

You were also excited for your new work since you would get to see Jiyong almost every day. When one of you are free, you would always eat together. Your heart is filled with happiness right now. Your mind is now at a place where you’re just sitting on cloud 9.

Your body couldn’t really handle three jobs at the same time so you chose to quit teaching dance classes at the dance studio. You informed the dance studio owner about your new job to which she congratulated you non-stop. She knows how much of a big fangirl you are to BTS so she couldn’t be more proud of you. She then proceeded to convince you that no one better than you should handle the BTS dance classes. She made good points that convinced you to stay but only if you handle selected classes that works around your schedule. Luckily, she agreed and gave you at least one class a month. You couldn’t really argue with her since she pays you generously per class that you teach.

You retained your work in the gym since your shifts works around your work in Big Hit. You could handle your new work schedule and you really need to earn money for the apartment fees and your BTS merchandises. You also informed the gym owner about your new day job and he congratulated you non-stop as well. He nicely let you adjust your shift to better work around your new schedule.

So far, everything is going into place. Your new job, new acquaintances at work, quality time with your brother, and Lisa will be returning soon from her trip. You could just sit down and inhale all the good air that’s surrounding you lately. You’re scared that given this amount of good luck around you will be soon replaced by strings of bad luck, but of course you’re highly hoping that will not happen.

You went home late one night from a hectic shift at the gym. One of your clients arrived late for her schedule but still came, coinciding with the timeslot for your other client. You still accommodated the two of them and went back and forth for them during their sessions. You had to be the one to close the gym that night also. You ate like there’s no tomorrow that night since you were so tired from dance practices and the sessions at the gym. You just went to sleep right after dinner, slamming yourself into the bed and into the sheets.

You didn’t wake up from your alarm the next morning. Good thing that you had already wash your hair last night so you just fashioned a bucket hat and hurriedly fix yourself before you went out in a rush to try to arrive on time for your dance practices. You arrived at the lobby entrance just in the nick of time with a few minutes to spare, rushed to the elevator and tried to catch your breath while you wait for the lift to arrive on the right floor. You hurriedly ran out the elevator and to the hallway when you heard your phone ping. You took out your phone in your pocket while rushing in the hallway. You saw Lisa’s name at the top of your notification screen but chose to read it later and kept your phone in your hands.

You were approaching a corner in the hallway so you decreased your pace but was still slightly running. As you were about to take a turn, your head bumped into something soft but obviously firm that was moving towards your direction. You were slightly pushed back but somebody’s hand caught your arms as you were about to fall backwards. You soon realized that your head bumped into someone’s chest, somebody who’s very tall. You look up and saw Namjoon. I really got to stop meeting the boys by bumping into them like this. Your mouth fall to the floor in shock and embarrassment.

His hands were big and his arms were tan and toned. He still excludes this gentle giant aura, the same way you pictured him every time you see him on social media and on the pictures in your phone. He still has his hands around your arms as you try to help yourself back up from almost falling to the ground. As if you could feel fire on your arms around his touch and time stood still. Both of you apologized to each other at the same time. You both chuckled as you withdraw your hands from each other. As you were about to introduce yourself, you noticed that your phone was on the floor and under his foot. He also soon notices this as you try to bend down to reach for your phone.

You took the phone under his foot and checked it. You stared at your phone screen and was shocked to see the screen cracked. You saw Namjoon looking at your phone as you check but quickly hid it realizing that your wallpaper was all of the members of BTS. You wouldn’t want to embarrass yourself more by letting him know that your lock screen and home screen are photos of them. Unfortunately, Namjoon has already noticed the crack on your phone screen even before you hid the phone away from his eyes.

“I’m sorry. I didn’t realize that I stepped on your phone.” Namjoon panicked at the sight of the cracked phone screen.

“No, it’s okay. It’s my fault also for not being careful.” You assure him but he clearly looks worried about the cracked phone. “Nice to meet you. I’m y/n. One of the new backup dancers assigned to BTS. I’m looking forward to working with you.” I bowed.

“Nice to meet you and looking forward to working with you as well.” He bowed as well. “I’m really sorry about your phone. Can I do something about it?”

“Honestly, it’s okay. It’s just a small crack.” No it’s not entirely okay because the crack almost encompasses the whole screen. It’s my fault anyways so he doesn’t have to feel bad about it. You don’t want to burden him about your phone. “Also, I’m sorry but I’m really in a rush for practice. See you around. Nice to meet you again.” You bowed and rushed towards the practice room.

“Wait.” Namjoon raises his hands while looking at you, rushing away from him. Although he was truly worried about your phone, he actually caught a glimpse of your lock screen. It amuses him to remember you trying to hide the phone from him. Of course he knows that their fans would have the members as their wallpapers but usually their staff wouldn’t really have the boys’ face plastered on their belongings.

You are still in disbelief that you met Namjoon. Your heart is still in disarray as you try to replay the scene in your mind. His hands are big and he’s so tall. His chest is so toned that even though your head bumped into him for a split second, you could almost remember the ridges of his chest.

…..

“Shit.” Namjoon exclaims as he slumps back on the couch of Hoseok’s studio with four other members in the room. Jimin, Taehyung, Hoseok and Jungkook all turn their heads as their leader enters the studio.

“What got you in a dump, hyung?” Jungkook asks in concern.

“I stepped on a phone and destroyed the screen.” Namjoon puts his hands on his face. He’s wondering how he can mend the cracked screen situation with you. Your face suddenly appeared at the back of his mind and honestly, a part of him find you adorable and beautiful. The way how your fringe falls perfectly on your forehead and on your long lashes. You were a little pale but still, he got a long look at your face and still finds you attractive. He never got interested with female staff members but there was something about you that piqued the leader’s attention.

“Whose phone?” Hoseok, seated in his chair in front of his equipments, turns his chair to face all the other members.

“One of our female backup dancers.” Namjoon groans out loud in frustration, breaking him from his daydream.

“How did you even step on her phone?” Jimin asks his leader, seated on the far corner of the couch beside Taehyung.

“I saved her from falling then I didn’t realize her phone was under my foot.” Namjoon sits straight up, shaking his head.

“You never disappoint, hyung.” Jimin laughs while reaching for Namjoon’s shoulder to pat it. Taehyung sits back to give access to Jimin’s hand to reach Namjoon.

“Give her one of our extra Samsung phones. I think we still have some of those. Go ask the staff.” Taehyung suggests.

“You really are the God of Destruction.” Hoseok chuckles at his good friend.

“I’m so embarrassed. I just want to bury my face right there and then.” Namjoon pouts in frustration.

“I think I can help you ease your frustration.” Hoseok turns his chair around back to his monitor. He pressed a few buttons and music started playing through the speakers. “How is it?” Hoseok plays the song that Namjoon, Taehyung and himself are working hard on. He glanced behind to look at Namjoon’s face. Namjoon stood up and walked to Hoseok’s chair.

…..

I am so tired. I think I’m pushing myself too far this time. You still have a few weeks before Lisa returns so you doubled your shift in the gym. You could really use the extra pay since you spent your extra savings on a few BTS merchandise and on repair fees for the air conditioner at home. The double shifts will only last until this week so you have no problem with it.

You came into the practice room, still groggy from lack of sleep. You glanced at the huge mirror across the room and saw your pale face and poor complexion. Gosh, you have never looked this bad since finals week in college. You tend to forget to take care of yourself when overworking or fatigued. You took a sip from the cup of iced Americano on your hands and sat on the floor with the other dancers.

A few minutes after, the choreographer came in and soon follows the 7 ethereal beautiful boys. They bowed one by one as they enter the room and thanked us for our hard work. You try to fix any unruly strands of hair on your sweaty forehead and straightened your back.

Namjoon entered the room first, greeting all the dancers with a smile. The leader exuding off a charismatic aura as he leads the group in the room. Jimin and Hoseok soon followed, both of them hand in hand giggling and skipping but released their hold on each other and laughed out loud after a few steps inside. The two main dancers eager to meet the dance team. Taehyung and Jungkook silently followed their hyungs, strutting like models with their hands in their pockets. I saw the maknae sporting a man bun that compliments his face and almost making him look like a Greek God, especially with how his tight black long sleeve shirt faintly gives a silhouette of his sculptured chest and back. Taehyung’s disheveled curly do accentuates his bear-like cuteness but still gives off a masculine appeal. Lastly, the two oldest entered the room greeting the dancers. Yoongi entered first with Jin’s hands on his other member’s back. The two of them silently entered the room, ensuring that they greet all of us first before joining the other members at the side.

Your eyes scanned the members one by one as the choreographer informs everyone about the dance practice for today. As you were admiring the amazing view in front of you that was gracing you this morning, your gaze met with Yoongi’s. He then slightly put his head down while looking at you. You couldn’t really paint his expression right now but you dare to say that he looks bothered. Like a puppy that chewed his toy and is being scolded by his owner. He then turns his head away to talk to the other boys when he saw you openly reading his face.  

You were so confused at Yoongi’s bothered expression when you caught him looking at you. You don’t remember bumping into him or meeting him today. Yet, his aura today is a lot softer than the day you met. For your first and second (may I say terrible) encounters, he would always look so irritated or pissed at you specifically. I mean who wouldn’t, you’re crazy clumsy ass kept on bumping into him.

Everybody’s in their respective blocking and is set to practice once more. The moment the music started, your heart kept doing somersaults. This is the moment you’ve been waiting for. You are now dancing with the 7 boys. The pinnacle of your fangirl chronicles. You could never imagine that someday you will share the same stage as them. You truly respect them for their art and passion so you give your all even on their first full dance practice with the dance team. Of course, Jimin and Hoseok doesn’t disappoint. The two energetic boys that came skipping inside the room just moments ago became two dancing machines. You couldn’t stop smiling that you could feel your face could tear off. Your fatigue went away as you savor this moment. Nothing matters right now, only this moment.

The music stopped. All took a minute before polishing the dance moves on a specific part of the song. One female backup dancer nudged you on the waist, giggling. “You happy?” She was one of your good friend on the dance team. She knows that you’re a big fangirl of BTS and how ecstatic you are about your new occupation.

“Dream come true but I’m still so far off from being perfect. I need to be at my best to be deserving of sharing the same stage with them.” You whispered to her while giggling. She pats my head in adoration and you looked at her.

“Don’t be too hard on yourself. You’re doing a good job.” You smiled back at her. Soon you heard the choreographer call out everyone to gather to start practicing again.

Two hours were spent in the practice room, dancing nonstop. Slowly, you could feel your fatigue catching up to you but you refuse to take a break. You could see everyone’s passion and hard work so you don’t think you deserve to take a breather. Everyone was giving their all from the boys and girls on the dance team, the 7 BTS members and even with the choreographers. A longer break was given after the two hour mark. All of the other dancers walked straight to their bags to get their water bottles. The 7 boys also went to the water dispenser at the corner of the room near the door to take a sip of water as they catch their breath. You walked towards the door, excusing yourself out to use the restroom. You saw Namjoon and Yoongi noticing you as their eyes follow you before I opened the door.

You took a few steps away from the dance practice room and was stopped in your tracks when you heard a familiar voice calling your name. “Hey!” you turned around and saw Jiyong walking through the hallway in the same direction as you.

“Hey. What’s up?” Jiyong walks up to you with a smile on his face.

“I’m on my way to the recording studio.” He turns his head and caught his eyes on the dance practice room. “Are you guys practicing right now?”

“We are on a break as of the moment.” You wiped your sweat off your forehead. “Who knew that even dance practices was this intense?” You saw Jiyong examining your face and he lifts up his hand to land on your cheek.

“Your complexion’s not good. Are you eating well?” You froze in place. Is my complexion really that bad? Actually, if I remember correctly, I only ate crackers this morning and haven’t got a chance to drink water since I was rushing to go to work.

“Oh. Jiyong-nim.” You and Jiyong quickly looked towards the practice room door when you saw Namjoon, Yoongi, Jimin, and Jungkook about to go out of the room. They saw Jiyong caress your cheek and their faces are painted with bashful expressions. They immediately thought that you might be in a relationship with Jiyong. “You guys know each other?” Namjoon asks your brother.

Jiyong quickly placed his arms on your shoulder and around your neck. He laughed as he rubbed your head. “What do you think?” He placed his hand under your chin to lift up your head straight to present to the boys. The four of them puzzled by your brother’s question and took them a few seconds before it registered to them that you and Jiyong are twins. You totally forgot that Jiyong mentioned that he was good friends with the boys. I want to hide right now.

“No wonder why she looks familiar. She reminds me of you, hyung.” Jimin exclaimed.

“You’re twins?” Yoongi asks Jiyong. Your brother nods his head while giving his boxy smile.

“Identical, in fact.” Jiyong proudly stated as he further rubbed my head, making a mess out of my hair.

“That’s amazing, Hyung. I didn’t know you had a twin.” Jungkook exclaims as well, in fascination. You were just quiet in your brother’s arm. He released his hands around you and you stood up straight. Taehyung and Jin noticed the commotion of the four boys and also peeked out the door. Jimin informs the two boys and you saw Jin opening his mouth in astonishment, releasing a loud gasp in his tiny comedic voice.

“Take care of my sister. If one of you mistreats her, I’ll give you a hard time in the studio booth.” Jiyong jokingly teases the boys.

“You know I’m older than you right?” You quickly hit him on the shoulder as the boys laugh.

“By two minutes.” He looks at you and laughed. He glanced back to the other boys. “Anyways, she’s a big fa…” You pinch his waist to stop him from talking. He cries out in pain but at least that stopped his mouth from rambling.

“Excuse my brother. He likes to tease me a lot.”

“Well, I have to go to the studio booth as well. If you’ll excuse me.” Jiyong finally excuses himself out. He walks away and left you out in the hallway with the 7 boys just standing outside the practice room. A short silence from all of you filled the hallway before they resumed from walking out of the practice room.

“I have to excuse myself too.” You bowed, turned around and continued walking away.

“Wait.” You heard Yoongi call out as his footsteps catch up to you. Not long, he caught up and stopped in front of you. He scratched the back of his head with his head down. “I owe you an apology.”

Yoongi was uneasy at the thought that he disrespected you twice at the expense of his mood that day. The last thing he wants is to never get the chance to apologize to you. He couldn’t really concentrate on the dance practice today as he could see you avoiding him. Whenever he would try to take the chance to apologize to you during breaks, you would always be around the other dancers.

“Apology? For what?” you froze in place out of shock and wonder from yoongi’s statement. You stare at the man in front of you with his head slightly down. The air between the two of you was so still.

“The day we met… I am aware that I was not at my best self and it turned out I was rude to you. Even if I was having a bad day, there’s no excuse for my lack of respect.” He lifts his head up and looked straight in your eyes. As much as you appreciate his apology, you couldn’t really respond to him as you realized that one of your idols is just an arm’s reach away. Never have you imagined that someone you just watch over and over again from the small screen of your phone would be humbling himself before you to apologize. You don’t really know how to handle the situation.

“It’s okay. It’s my fault as well. I guess I have to learn not to be as clumsy anymore.” You laughed as you placed your hands on your nape. His face slowly lit up and the air between both of you started getting lighter. “Here I thought you’re actually disliking the idea of working with me. You were wearing this irritated expression whenever our eyes would meet during practice.”

Yoongi got beet-red thinking that’s how he comes off to you when he was actually irritated by the fact that he can’t get a chance to talk to you alone. “No. I was just…. trying to find a chance to apologize to you.” You smiled so sweetly at the thought of occupying yoongi’s mind during practice and even made him worry on how we would approach you. Yoongi notices the change in your expression and his heart skipped a beat. There’s something so adorable with the way you smiled that caught Yoongi’s attention. He took a good look at you and realized that you were actually good looking despite being so sweaty from practice.

“I would like to begin again.” You held out your hand to Yoongi. He looks at your hand and back to you. “I’m y/n. It’s an honor to work with you. Let’s do our best to show everyone the best performances we could give.” You flashed a smile so big that made Yoongi pleased as well. Your passion to give your best performance fascinated him.

He shook your hand and his heart skipped another beat. A smile like that fits you so well. You almost remind him of Hoseok. Someone who embodies sunshine. Also, he admits that you really look beautiful. Not that he wants to compare you to the other female dancers but he can admit that you’re the most attractive out of all of them. He had his eyes on you the whole morning and was amazed by how you transform into a dancing machine when music starts.

…..

You just concluded your last session with a client at the gym. Despite having a chance to go home early, you kindly offered to the gym owner that you would stay until closing time. You asked permission to use the small studio in the gym. He gladly allowed you and you were ecstatic to finally have a space where you could freely practice. Back at home, the apartment that you share with Lisa is just the adequate space for living, but not so much to consider it as a space to practice. You own a floor length mirror but it’s beside your bed. Your arms and legs have bumped your bed so many times that you could almost file a physical abuse case against the innocent piece of furniture. The small studio in the gym may not be as big as the practice room in Big Hit but it has enough space for you to fly and dance around. Plus, there’s a huge mirror on the entire wall. You’re actually fortunate to have the studio by yourself.

As you start practicing the dance numbers inside the small studio, the gym owner quietly manned the reception area in your place. Only a handful of customers are now currently using the gym and usually at this time of night, influx of customers is at bare minimum. Suddenly, someone enters the gym and walks to the reception area. The gym owner turns his head towards the door.

“Hyung!” The gym owner was surprised by the sudden visit of his friend. He shoots up from his seat to welcome the person who just came through the door.

“Jungkook! What are you doing here?” Jungkook appeared in front of the gym owner wearing his huge black hoodie and a black cap to hide his face. The gym owner walks around the reception table and hugs Jungkook.

“I just tried a new route to run and I remembered your gym was along the way so I thought to pop in and say hello.” Jungkook hugged his friend tightly. They continued to chat as Jungkook quickly noticed the music that was coming from inside the gym. The gym owner also noticed Jungkook looking towards the direction of the sound.

“That’s coming from the studio… which reminds me, one of my employee just got in as your backup dancer. She’s so dedicated and diligent that she spends her extra time to practice here after her shift.” The gym owner offered to usher Jungkook towards the small studio. Jungkook was intrigued and fascinated that one of their backup dancer works at the same place as his close friend. The music gets loud as they get near the studio and he gets a glimpse of somebody dancing eagerly to one of the songs that they were just practicing to this morning. They look just outside the door and Jungkook’s eyes were glued to you as you dance.

He recognizes you immediately and was captivated by how you were working so hard this late at night. He noticed that you weren’t wearing the usual baggy cargo pants that you love to wear for dance practices. You were wearing tight gym leggings and a dri-fit shirt. Nevertheless, you still exude charm and power when you dance to their songs. Jungkook admits to himself that the sight of you in tights dancing to their powerful songs charmed him.

He opened the door and you were late to notice the sound of the creaking door. You were surprised to see Jungkook’s reflection behind you as you strut to the music. Jungkook jumps in surprise when you gasped out loud at his presence and you ran for the speakers.

“Noona, I didn’t mean to surprise you.” You bent down to stop the music. Quickly, you stood up and turned to face him. Jungkook was still walking towards you. He removed his cap and ran his hand through his hair. He was sweating a bit but still, the sight of him sweating makes him look like he’s sparkling. You wondered why in the world is he inside the same studio as you are now. “Hyung’s my friend and I happened to be in the same area so I dropped by. I didn’t expect Noona was working here.”

You peeked towards the door and the gym owner was smiling and waving his hand. He must’ve been the one who informed Jungkook that you were practicing here, you thought. Your attention came back to Jungkook. You admired how handsome Jungkook looks right now despite being barefaced. “May I help you with something?”

“Do you want to practice together? I mean if only you’re comfortable with it.” He offered. Suddenly, you felt like everything slowed down and the two of you remained. You want to slap your face in disbelief that Jungkook actually offered to practice with you. Jungkook slowly walk towards you and you react by stepping backwards.

“I’m having a hard time learning a specific part in the choreo so I may not be the ideal practice partner… for you right now.” You feel as though the space between the two of you has shrunk. Jungkook smirks at the sight of you slightly panicking as he steps closer. Jungkook has been eyeing you ever since the first practice session with them this morning. He saw how his hyungs, Namjoon and Suga, kept on looking at your direction. He discovered that you were the same girl that they were talking about. You were the one whose phone was destroyed by Namjoon, who caught the attention of Jimin and Jhope during the evaluation, and who constantly occupies Suga’s mind about when to apologize to you. You piqued his attention with the way you had these encounters with his hyungs. He also noticed your charm whenever you execute the intricate choreograph during practice, just as Jhope and Jimin describes. He’s determined to have this chance to dance with you.

“I’m sure I want to practice with you.”

Next part: 4

[rosepetalmark]

too soon.

↬ Jung Jaehyun x Reader ↬2.5k Words ↬Warnings: Mentions of alcohol ↬ Got in my feels one night listening to Keshi so this is inspired by his song “2 soon”

It hurt not having you there. After the breakup, which you both decided was amicable, something inside him snapped. 

At first, he let the sadness take over him. He knew these were all normal emotions to process once a breakup occurred, so he let himself mourn his loss. Just because you both decided you needed to focus on yourselves and careers, doesn’t mean it didn’t pain him knowing you wouldn’t be the first person he was able to hug when he got home from work, let alone kiss you whenever he looked your way. 

Most days he tried to distract himself, divulging himself into non stop practise, trying to work harder for the groups latest comeback, rather than drown in sorrow over his want for you and your relationship. 

Weeks had passed, and so did his urge to drink. At first he thought one shot would do, take the edge off and distract him from his thoughts and cheer him up a little, but five more shots later he was dizzy, sad, and still thinking of you. 

He reached for his phone several times in that moment, glancing at your name that’s been untouched for almost two months, desperately wanting to call you and ask if you’re doing well. If you miss him. If you still love him and much as he loves you. 

But each time he stopped himself, something within his heart knowing that you needed this time to heal as well. Hell, maybe you’ve already healed and want nothing to do with him. But he doesn’t know that, and he doesn’t want to know that. He just wants to be with you. 

And he knows this isn’t a healthy mentality to have. You both made it known that his career is at a very pivotal point, and that’s what he needs to be focusing on until he feels he is stable enough in his career to balance both being an idol, and a caring boyfriend to you. 

So each time he’s alone and in his thoughts, he gets wasted and cries about how he lost you, and how he wants nothing more than to put his career aside than to be with you. If you ever heard him say those words, he knows you’d be upset, wanting his happiness and career to be put first. It came before you after all, and you never wanted to be the reason for his career ever taking a negative turn. 

It wasn’t until he was at a yearly company party SM threw in December to not only celebrate Christmas, but all the successful comebacks and promotions each of their artists have done throughout the majority of the year. They may have worked NCT and Jaehyun to the bone this year, and this was just the slightest form of appreciation they had to offer. 

Yuta and Mark were joking about the time Jaehyun snuck you into one of SM’s after parties after the Golden Disk awards last year, focusing more on you than his friends and groupmates, never leaving your side or your lips for the matter; prompting him to drunkenly declare his love for you in front of the dozens of other celebrities surrounded in the same room as you all. 

Jaehyun was embarrassed when he remembered the next day, but you on the other hand thought it was sweet.  Knowing that he didn’t care what his repercussions were at the moment, only wanting to declare his love for you not only to you, but to those he's closest with and who know how hard it is to find love and maintain it in such a hectic and invasive career.

He got so drunk at this year’s party, that he locked himself in one of the building's bathrooms, tears streaming down his face because he knew the alcohol was not enough. It will never be enough. Alll he wants is you. 

Taking his phone out of his jacket pocket, he scrolled down to your name, and pressed “Call”. Knowing it was a long shot that you’d answer, considering you don’t have to associate with him if you didn’t want to, along with the fact that it was shortly after 1am, with you probably being fast asleep. 

With just two rings in, a soft “Hello” came from his speaker, nothing that you did in fact answer and were awake. 

“Hi.” Was all he managed to speak out, soft hiccups emerging from his throat, his cheeks getting hotter by the second as he doesn’t know what he’s going to say to you, let alone what you’re going to say back to him. 

“Are you okay Jaehyun? It’s 1am.”

Wiping his tears, he didn’t know what to say. He couldn’t outright blurt out everything he was thinking and feeling the past few months, not wanting to scare you away from the intense emotions he was feeling as of late. 

“I don’t think I am.” He spoke softly, loosening his tie as it was constricting him from breathing properly through his intense tears.

“I miss you, like a lot.” He said between gulps, trying to calm down but his hiccups having other plans for him. “And I know we said this was for the best, but us breaking up has been eating me alive and I can’t stop thinking about you and us and it just really sucks.”

“It’s been two months Jaehyun.” You say, not knowing exactly how to process how he’s feeling. “Why didn’t you call me earlier if everything’s been bothering you so much?”

“I didn’t want to bother you. I wanted to give you space and let you live your life without coming off as some pathetic loser who needs you all the time.”

“Well, you’re not a pathetic loser, Jung Jaehyun. You’re a human being who lives a hectic life, one with feelings who deserves to feel and process and be comforted whenever something’s going on in your life. Don’t ever feel bad about it.”

Processing your voice, Jaehyun couldn’t help feel the comfort and peace that flowed through his body whenever you spoke to him. You always knew what to say, and even when you didn’t, your presence was just as reassuring. 

“I miss you too, by the way.”

“You do?” He cries, trying his best to wipe his tears while maintaining his attention on your voice. “I thought if I called and you heard me like this you’d for sure be happy we broke up.”

“Breakups are painful Jaehyun. I can’t even imagine how you feel because I know you don’t have many people to talk about things so it must hurt to bottle things up.”

Which was true. Jaehyun kept your relationship a secret for six months before even letting his managers know, slowly waiting for the company’s okay with your relationship, but not wanting for it to be public. He never wanted to do that to you, hound you with the harassment and chaos that came attached to an idol. It was already bad enough when two idols dated, let alone when one dated a non- celebrity, fans worked even harder to learn everything and anything they could, potentially harming anyone at hand. 

Jaehyun first told Johnny when you two started dating, the smirk on his face never once fading whenever the mention of you came up. The rest of the members slowly began to find out, each congratulating him that he finally found someone who made him smile, and wasn’t with him because he was famous. Anyone he attempted dating in the past either wanted him for his fame, or was someone in the industry who wouldn’t shut up about the industry. 

Dating you was like a breath of fresh air, because compared to his hectic life, you were just a regular, comforting human being. You worked a part time job at the mall, attended university and were studying to be a social worker, and had a great obsession with baking banana bread. 

Whenever Jaehyun was with you, you reminded him of what it’s like to be a normal human being, not an idol stripped of all his talent, time, and energy to make a company even more rich and successful than they already were.

And it wasn’t to say you lived a boring life, but compared to him everything you’ve done and experienced was so mundane. Nothing made Jaehyun happier than when he showed you the tiny details that go on in an idols life, such as where he practises, to where he and the rest of NCT record their songs, even taking you behind the stages of award shows and comeback stages-wanting you to see the full effect and experience up close, rather than on a tv or in a dressing room away from all the magic. 

You were the clarity and compassion in Jaehyun’s life and it absolutely shattered him whenever you were unable to be with him when your lives and commitments came first. 

When you both decided it was necessary for you to break up, Mark was the first person who found out. Jaehyun entered the dorm quietly, his cap covering his eyes and mask slightly rising up the bridge of his nose, only exposing about a centimetre of his face. 

Mark knew better than to ask what was wrong, as past experiences with Jaehyun being angry never ended too well, so he gave him some space. But three days after entering the dorm pissed off and not leaving his room once, Mark took it upon himself to check up on him, only to find him curled up in a ball on his bed sobbing, discovering that you two broke up and clearly he wasn’t taking it well. 

It took him about 6 days before he left his bed to finally shower and eat something that wasn’t a granola bar or cereal stashed in his room or brought in by Mark, and 9 days for him to finally tell everyone why he was so distant and upset. 

Obviously, everyone was saddened that you wouldn’t be spending time with them anymore, but ultimately were hurting for Jaehyun as well, as they knew you meant a great deal to him, and losing you meant losing all the plans and dreams he had for wanting to marry you one day. 

Obviously not in the near future, but in around 5 years, when you were well out of school and had a full time job, and when Nct was well off enough to not be promoting as often as they had their first several years as a group; only ever promoting or touring for a portion of the year, rather than having breaks for a few weeks every few months. 

It took all the strength in Jaehyun’s body not to call you every night after you broke up, but clearly that did not work because here he was, unfortunately consumed by alcohol he used to help cope with the pain for the past several weeks, drunk and sobbing to you. 

“It’s just been really hard. I know we said it’s for the best but I hate not having you in my life. I miss going for food with you at 2am when you’re stressed about your assignments. I miss giving you long hugs when we go long periods of time without seeing each other and- fuck! I just am so in love and want to be with you the rest of my life and I hate how I let myself become so attached to you and this relationship but I cannot go on knowing there’s a chance you’re going to fall in love with someone one day and I won’t be that man marrying you or being the father of your children or holding you when you’ve had a hard day.”

“Wow, you’re really drunk.” You say, hugging your pillow to your chest because no one has ever uttered such raw, loving words to you before and you cannot help but fight off the urge to cry because you too, want that life for the both of you one day. 

“Yeah I know. I’m surprised I said all that right now because I’ve been fighting the urge to call you every night because I wanted to give you space.”

“I want all that with you, Jaehyun. I want us to get married and have three kids and two dogs and I want you to help teach them all how to read and for them to make you play dress up with them and have tea parties and make sand castles. I’m still in love with you and always will be so please don’t be sorry or surprised you’re feeling this way because we both know we deserve to be with each other.”

“I want you so much.”

“Do you want me to come see you? Just so we can talk and I can make sure you’re doing okay?”

“You don’t have to if you don’t want to, I get if it feels weird or it’s too late.” He didn’t want to pressure you into doing anything, especially the need to take care of him when he’s drunk and sad and completely in love with you. You’re not his babysitter, nor his girlfriend for the matter- you are not inclined to care for him or even see him because he’s a mess. 

But you still want to. Because even though you haven’t spoken in weeks, you know that Jaehyun is the love of his life, and hearing him be so sad and lonely is more than heartbreaking. It’s complete agony. 

“Nothing is too late or too weird when it comes to you. I want to hug you and never let you go and tuck you in bed and make sure you’re safe and happy when you go to bed.”

“I’ll meet you back at my dorm if that’s okay? If I’m at this party any longer I’ll go absolutely insane.”

“I’ll see you there, Jaehyun. Please be safe and text me when you leave.”

“Of course, anything for you. And thank you, for even just listening. You’re an angel and I can’t wait to see you in a few minutes.” He chimed, shortly ending the call after he said those last statements to you. 

Jaehyun doesn’t know for certain where his future with you stands, but he’s okay with that. He’s seeing you soon, and you just confessed that you’re still in love with him and want a future with him, and that’s all he needs.

His conversation with you managed to clear his mind and body out of the abundance of alcohol that once consumed him, his attention  and newfound excitement now focused solely on seeing you, touching you, just being with you. He quickly ordered himself a cab, not even saying goodbye to his members, beyond ecstatic to be within your presence. 

And for now, that’s all he could ever ask for. 

[pretty-boys-book-club]

heyy cat i hope you’re having a lovely day and if not then have an unlikely animal friendship for a smile c:

Hey Jay? How have you been? 💜

Thanks so much for the message! Is it too much if I say that I feel very happy every time you come across my dashboard? Because it’s 100% true.

Taking my time to give a proper reply, since I feel like chatting today. 🥰

I’m doing good, just finished my second week of working for a new client (I can’t mention them by name because I signed an NDA, but let’s just say it’s one of the big tech companies around the world) at the agency and things have been hectic.

I work as a Associate Executive at a PR agency. Not sure if you know what a PR person does, but basically my job entails the following: taking part in brainstorming sessions, helping with the development and distribution of PR materials, including press releases, podcasts, newsletters, and videos, assisting with the organization and execution of various media and PR events, managing calendars and media lists, documenting media coverage, and tracking media metrics, developing and maintaining positive relationships with clients, stakeholders, media, and vendors.

With this new client, since they are such a big brand and a very important player in the market, there’s a LOT of things to do and I’m still finding how to manage with all of it. Plus, since I’m still working at the same agency as before, I’ve been helping out with some projects from my former client (one of the biggest digital payments companies out there), and that means that I have a lot of plates spinning all at once. It does feel like I’ve bitten off more than I can chew sometimes, not gonna lie, but I’m happy with the change. Firstly, because it’s a great addition to my resume and also because my former client was difficult and had been mentally and emotionally draining me for quite a while (think text messages in the middle of the night, demanding I reply to their emails immediately, rejecting all of my proposals and ideas, asking me to do things far from my job description and just over all being hard to please). Of course, as most things go, I just realised that after moving accounts, and now I feel like I have an explanation to why I had been so mentally exhausted during the last year.

I’ve been working in the PR industry for the past three years now, but I’d say I’m fairly ambitious and I really want to be promoted to a senior role in the next 2-3 years. So that means trying to impress my supervisor and clients as best as I can. But with my former client that was impossible to do. So I’m happy to be working with new people and learning new things. Even if I catch myself with no idea what I’m doing 2 or 3 times per day. Currently, I’m just trying to figure out how to perform well at my job whilst maintaining my sanity and a healthy lifestyle. Any tips? Hahaha

I’ve been thinking a lot about the future, though, and I really want to try and apply for a Masters abroad during a 5 year time frame, if possible, so I’m thinking of trying to participate in a few conferences and see if I can get anything published, even if I’ve already graduated and have no affiliation with an academic institution at the moment. I miss the academia, I really thrive on there, and I would really like being a professor, I think, so there’s something I want to explore. But that’s VERY expensive and there’s not a lot of scholarships for people from my country and social economic background, so I have to save a lot of money if I want to give it a shot. And that’s hard to do with my current salary. But a Masters would mean more recognition for potential job recruiters and also give me the chance to decide if I enjoy teaching and the reality of that career before jumping into it.

I’m also planning a trip with two of my closest friends during November! We’ll be going to London, Paris and Amsterdam and, as the resident Type A burned out gifted kid of the group, I’m doing most of the planning for it (because I want to and because it makes me excited and happy, not because my friends are making me do it or anything!) so that’s how I’m spending most of my free time: searching for the best hotel deals, looking for the best plane tickets offers and deciding how much time we’ll spend in all of the cities. We already bought the tickets from my city to London and back, so now we only have to buy all the domestic flights in Europe and book our accommodations (part AirBnB/part hotel). I’ve thankfully managed to save some euros and pounds already, so I can keep saving more until it’s time to travel and not have to worry so much about money while we’re there.

And lastly, tomorrow will be my first time trying pole dancing! I discovered a really inclusive studio near to where I live and me and my sisters will have a trial class to see if we enjoy the atmosphere and if we actually manage to follow what the teacher tells us to do (as a plus size woman, I’m looking forward to it, because I saw a LOT of bigger people in their Instagram). I really want to try and connect more with my body and with a more sensual energy, because I feel like I’ve really been neutral towards my body during the pandemic as opposed to having more of a positive relationship with myself and I want to feel confident, sexy and beautiful.

I’ve been giving Tinder another try, because I really miss going out and meeting new people and falling in and out of love, but I haven’t had any luck in that department. I’ve never had a serious relationship, ever, so I had this idea that after graduation I’d have this crazy social life and would be really exploring my sexuality, then the pandemic happened and I didn’t really connect with anyone during it. I know things will work out when they are meant to be, but one a girl dream.

That’s about it for me! What about you?

[krsnbgirl]

Fly High! || Masterlist || Kageyama x Fem!Reader Series

Summary: Attending Karasuno High School was your way of starting over and moving on from your injury in middle school. What you didn’t expect was to be pulled back into the world that you tried so hard to stay away from. Along the journey of recovery, you didn’t think you would grow close to Karasuno’s Boys Volleyball Team. Also falling in love with a certain setter was definitely something you didn’t expect at all. There’s one thing in common that you two share and that it’s wanting to fly as high as you can.

Pairing: Kageyama Tobio x Fem!Reader

Genre: Rom-Com, Slice of Life, Sports, Slow Burn

Warnings: Slight swearing, Anxious characteristics, Smoking (Ukai), Timeline based off of the anime (starting from season 2)

Author’s Note: I realized that I haven’t made a masterlist for this story, so here it is! Hopefully this can help with reading all of the parts that have been or are going to be posted! Taglist is still open if any of you would like to be a part of it! Also crossed posted on AO3! xoxo, Ren  ❤

TAGLIST OPEN

Part 1

Word Count: ~3.4k Synopsis: The school buzzes with curiosity after news of the boys volleyball team got close to beating Aoba Johsai at the Inter-HIgh Prelims. You check in with your best friend Nishinoya and Shimizu calls you to the gym for some help. It’s been a while since you’ve been inside a gym and it brings back so many forgotten memories and feelings you’ve cast aside after your accident.

Part 2

Word Count: ~3.1k Synopsis:  Still reeling over what had happened the week before, you look back at how your daily life at Karasuno immediately changed for the better. Nishinoya also comes to ask you for a favor that helps you grow closer to the weird quick duo after school. The boys also learn more about your past from middle school.

Part 3

Word Count: ~2.9k Synopsis:  The volleyball club is very keen on making you join and you find yourself slowly giving in, despite having doubts about yourself. You also find yourself naturally gravitating towards Kageyama without realizing it after one of their practices. Kageyama also finds himself questioning the effects you have on him. 

Part 4

Word Count: ~3.8k Synopsis:  With the deadline for your response to being Karasuno's coach approaching, it's all that you can think about. Kageyama bumps into you and shares his thoughts about your situation. It doesn't go as smoothly as either as you hoped but in the end, Kageyama learns that maybe he'd found someone that understands him.

Part 5 

Word Count: ~3.1k Synopsis:  Hinata and Kageyama come over for a tutoring session since exams are right around the corner. Finally, they have a chance to have a little peek of your personal life at home after getting to know you more through your lunch time tutoring sessions. Kageyama also touches base with you about your decision which has finally come to an answer.

Part 5.5 || Side Chapter

Word Count: ~1.4k Synopsis:  You head to Ukai’s store to have a conversation. He learns about some of your past and what your future goals were before coming to Karasuno. You both also come up with some new ideas that can help during practice.

Part 6 

Word Count: ~3.4k Synopsis:  Exams at Karasuno are finally finished. While you talk about exam results with Hinata and Kageyama, he notices something you’ve recently found out and the two of you grow a little closer now that he’s found out your little secret. Then fast forward to the training camp, you reunite with old friends and for old time’s sake, play a small game with them.

Part 7 

Word Count: ~2.5k Synopsis:  The first day of training camp has come to an end and the night is still young. After thinking about the boys’ current status at the camp, you spend some times with the rest of the managers. The topic of boys come up and you can’t help but spill your secret to them. As the night goes on, you end up at the gym and try to get in some personal training in when Kageyama shows up. You finally get to have a moment with the one person who has recently been taking up all of your thoughts.

Part 8 

Word Count: ~3.5k Synopsis:  Tensions are high between Hinata and Kageyama during their time in Tokyo. You can’t help but be on the sidelines and only step in when it’s necessary. Kuroo checks in with you and tries to help you relax during one of their breaks. Also, you show Kageyama that you’re going to be there for him whenever things get tough and he appreciates you for being by his side.

Part 9

Word Count: ~4.8k Synopsis:  You finally figure out what’s been missing for the crazy duo’s quick and it’s all thanks to Ukai dragging you along to meet his grandfather. The rest of the boys are also doing their best to improve with the new practice regimen that you put together and you mainly helped Kageyama with his sets for further accuracy. Practice isn’t the only time you’re with Kageyama, but you’ve also become his personal tutor when it comes to school work. As time passed, you managed to grow closer to the socially awkward setter and the two of you begin to realize that it could be something more.

Part 10 

Word Count: ~5.1k Synopsis: The team has a field day when they see you come in to practice late. Their teasing is relentless and it sticks with you throughout the whole day. You can’t help but think about the situation you’re in with Tobio and an old friend helps you find clarity. Then when Tokyo Camp is finally in session, you end up over pushing yourself and Shimizu tells you to rest for the first half of the day. While you’re resting the boys find out what happened to you and they need to figure out who’s going to check up on you before their practice matches begin.

Part 11 

Word Count: ~2.9k Synopsis: You wake up to find Kageyama delivering the food that the rest of the managers reserved for you. While eating, you get to see the rare side of soft Kageyama and the small time frame you have with each other, it shows that both of your walls are slowly coming down. Then after having a late start to the day, the boys show how much they’ve missed you and as the day goes on, some priceless moments are finally captured through your infamous Polaroid.

Part 12 

Word Count: ~3.5k Synopsis: The boys have been working as hard as ever during the training camp and Kuroo gives you some updates on what happened during free practice the night before. Then later that day, Nishinoya checks in on you during one of their breaks and a bet is made between the two of you. And as the day comes to a close, as usual, you’re practicing with Kageyama and both of you lose track of time. This time, you’ve accidentally pushed yourself past your limits and your injury acts up again.

Part 13

Word Count: ~3k Synopsis: The girls recap what happened the night before and Kuroo decides to have a talk with Kageyama when he and Bokuto visits your nightly practice with Kageyama.

Part 14 

Word Count: ~4.6k Synopsis: It’s the final day of Karasuno’s training camp in Tokyo and the boys find out about the barbecue that will happen once they are all finished. Sugawara offers Kageyama some help before their last practice game and you finally get to see the quick that you’ve been dying to see in person. Then once the barbecue is in full swing, you catch up with your childhood friends and Kageyama finally asks you a question.

Part 15 

Word Count: ~3.7k Synopsis:  You finally have lunch with Kuroo and Bokuto where you catch them up with the night before. They comment throughout your story and as they walk you to Homura’s apartment to catch up with your girls, Daichi calls you out of nowhere. The call leads you to the girls’ gym at Karasuno after the weekend ends and a new opportunity awaits.

Part 15.5 || Side Chapter

Word Count: ~1.7k Synopsis:  You get your hair dyed while hanging out with Rui, Homura, and Nishinoya. In the midst of hanging out, you get caught texting Kageyama and your friends do what they always do: instigate and get to know the boy you’ve been crushing on.

Part 16

Word Count: ~4.9k Synopsis:  It’s finally the day for your date with Kageyama and you can’t help but feel so nervous. He surprises you by taking you to your favorite place and the day is filled with constant blushing while spending time with your crush.

Part 17

Word Count: ~5.3k Synopsis:  Qualifiers for the Miyagi Prefecture has finally arrived. Being back at a competition venue made you nostalgic and you end up making another bet with Nishinoya. In order to prepare for the long day ahead, you grab some water for the team and someone approaches you.

Part 18

Word Count: ~5.3k Synopsis:  With school back in session, your schedule with the girl’s volleyball team finally collides with your time as the boys’ manager. It’s something you’ve put off for a while and finally have to address with the team.

Part 19

Word Count: ~4.2k Synopsis:  During the two months that the boys have before the Spring Nationals, Kageyama does recon and your schedule starts to look more hectic. Then during one of your trips to Tokyo for another training camp, Bokuto decides to have his talk with Kageyama and it makes him realize some things about himself.

Part 20

Word Count: ~4.1k Synopsis:  Spring Nationals/Qualifiers has finally arrived and the boys are ready for their first match against Johzenji. As you all make your way towards the gym, Kageyama and Hinata end up bumping into Terushima. Then once their match starts, Kageyama ends up getting injured and there’s an unexpected turn of events when you take him to the nurse’s office.

Part 21 

Word Count: ~3.9k Synopsis:  The girls try to get out what happened between you and Kageyama and the boys win against Johzenji. Now that it’s the second day of matches after successfully beating Wakutani, Karasuno gets ready to go against Aoba Johsai. And knowing what had happened before, you prepared a small surprise in hopes to boost the boys’ morale for their upcoming battle.

Part 22

Word Count: ~4.4k Synopsis:  The long-awaited battle against Aoba Johsai is in full swing as you watch along the sidelines. Tensions are high and it can’t help but remind you of memories you kept close to your heart. While watching, it reminds you of just how much the boys have grown in such a small amount of time.

Part 23 - TBD