#i’ve wanted to spend a lot less time alone since i got outta the hospital

[mars-ipan]

they should invent a talking to your friends that isn’t tiring

[winchesters-favorite-girl]

Flatline-Part Eleven

A/N: Jensen and his sixteen year old daughter get into an argument before she goes out for a night with some friends. A few hours later, Jensen gets a call that is going to change his family’s life forever.

Word Count: 1,727

Warnings: Hospital setting, tiny bit of angst

Masterpost

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Two Months Later

Small beads of sweat were dripping down your face as you gripped onto the two bars on either side of you. With shaking arms you tried to get a better hold on them before attempting to slowly trudge your right foot forward. Your right foot had moved a few inches before it became too much and you started to fall forward but your physical therapist, Robert, grabbed onto you.

“I got ya, don’t worry.” He spoke calmly to you, “You can relax.” Your body melted into him but you felt your anger begin to build.

“You did great kiddo.” Your dad said from his spot next to you and you had to take a deep breath in an attempt to calm yourself down so you didn’t go off on him.

“If I was doing so great I’d be able to stand for more than 15 seconds without falling or I don’t know, be able to take a few steps. Even Zep and Arrow can walk and they’re toddlers.” You gritted out.

“God I love how positive you are.” Robert replied as he helped you regain your composure holding onto the bars, “Your siblings are toddlers but they weren’t in a major accident where parts of their bone structure had to be remade and now have to regain the strength to walk again. Oh did I mention that your siblings weren’t told by doctors that they likely wouldn’t be able to walk again?”

You turned your head and glared at Robert, “Someone is sassy today.”

“Looks like someone brought a whole lotta attitude into my gym today.” He spoke back, never breaking eye contact with you.

This was something you loved and hated about Robert, he called you out on your crap and didn’t let you get away with it. He didn’t let you throw yourself a pity party and expected a lot out of you. He pushed you and pissed you off, but his methods were effective and you were already further in your recovery then expected. 

“Try again sweetheart.” Jensen told you from his spot.

“I don’t-I don’t think I can.” You responded with a shaky tone, your body was screaming at you to stop but your mind wanted to keep trying.

“Yes you can, you got this babe.” Your dad spoke but you shook your head.

“You okay kid? Need a break?” Robert asked, recognizing your shift in attitude.

“I’m okay, just-I think I need a minute.” You told him.

“Nothing wrong with that, okay? You’ve pushed it a lot today and already made huge improvements.” Robert said, helping you move backwards and safely into a chair.

“What’s wrong sweetheart?” Jensen asked, coming to squat down next to you.

Robert handed you your water bottle which you took with a grateful smile, “Nothing,” You replied honestly before taking a sip of your water, “My body was telling me I needed to stop so I listened to it. That’s what I’m supposed to do, right?” You asked, thinking back to when you first started PT and pushed too hard one day which resulted in you passing out, which effectively terrified your father. 

“Right.” Jensen replied with a tight smile.

“What’s that look for?” Robert asked, calling out your father for his odd behavior.

Jensen shook his head, “Nothing. Just happy seeing my girl getting better.” 

You took another sip of your water bottle but continued to look at your dad with a confused look.

“Oookay then,” Robert replied, “Well Y/N is doing great, she’s kicking ass, ahead of my schedule for her and I honestly think in the next month or so we’ll see her slowly and carefully on her feet. Keep working hard kid and with Dad here cheering you on I think in the next six months you won’t need me anymore.” 

“Really?” You questioned excitedly.

“Really.” Robert said with a smile, “You keep working hard and with the support that you have, you got this. We’re done for the day so get into your chair and get outta here.” 

“Yes sir.” You replied, giving a mock salute.

“Thanks Robert.” Jensen spoke, moving your chair next to you so that you could safely get into it.

“You sure you’re okay dad?” You asked before taking a bite of your protein bar, “You’ve been acting all weird since the gym.”

Jensen gave you another tight smile, “Yeah I’m fine sweetheart, just thinking about some stuff.”

“Wanna share with the class?” You questioned, taking another bite of your bar. Your dad let out a long breath and you could tell he was trying to think about what to say, “What is it? Dad, you’re kinda freaking me out, the last time you acted this weird was when you wanted my opinion on asking mom to marry you and you thought I’d say no.”

“It’s just something Robert said is all.” He told you.

“What did he say? I thought he had nothing but awesome news today.” You replied, not understanding where your father was going with this.

“It is, it’s amazing news babygirl and I’m so proud of all the hard work you’ve done.” Your dad told you.

“Okay...then what is it?” You pushed.

“He said the support you’ve gotten has been a lot of help.” He stated.

“Yeah, and? Isn’t that a good thing? You and mom are always worried you aren’t doing enough but obviously you are. You guys don’t push me too hard, you let me try to be independent at home, you come to all my doctor and physical therapy appointments, you’ve been amazing.” You spoke with a smile, “I might suck at saying it but I really appreciate you having my back with all of this dad, being there with me through it all has made this easier.”

Jensen grabbed your free hand, brought it to his lips and placed a kiss on it, “I’m so glad I’ve been able to be here for you and I’m so proud of you sweetheart.” 

Later that night you were settling into bed when a knock at your door grabbed your attention.

“Come in.” You shouted as you attempted to pull your covers up.

“Hey sweetheart, mind if we talk about something?” Your dad asked as he stepped into your room.

“Sure.” You nodded your head as you successfully pulled your quilt up to your chest, “What’s up?”

“Just uh, something I gotta tell you. It’s what I was thinking about during the car ride back from PT today.” He told you as he sat at the foot of your bed.

“Told you there was something buggin’ ya.” You replied, “Why didn’t you tell me then?”

Jensen scratched the back of his neck, “Just wasn’t the right setting.” He replied, “Babygirl you know how glad I’ve been to be able to be with you throughout all of this, right?” You nodded your head, not sure where he was going with this. “Watching you through all of this, it’s been hell as a parent but I can’t imagine not being there with you through all of this.” Again you nodded your head, confused with what he was trying to tell you. “Well sweetheart, it’s been four months since the accident, which means I’ve been away from work for four months…”

“So?” You asked in a harsh tone.

“So, I have to go back to Vancouver next week.” Your dad said in a sad voice, “Jared and I have been able to buy time so that I can be here but I gotta go back so that we can finish this season and so they can start prepping for the next one.”

You didn’t say anything, you just started at your dad.

It made sense, he’d been gone from work for a long time. No filming, no conventions, he hadn’t done anything with the brewery or with music. The last few months he’d been dedicated to taking care of you and trying to spend time with your siblings. 

That didn’t mean it hurt any less to hear he was going back to work which meant rarely seeing him and having to face everything alone. Yeah you had Danneel but she had your three siblings to take care of.

Which meant you were going to be alone.

“You’re gonna leave me?” You questioned, your voice sounding like you were a small child which broke your dad’s heart.

“No honey, I could never just leave you.” Jensen replied, grabbing onto your hand.

“But you’re gonna go back to Vancouver to film.” You stated.

“Yeah.” Jensen grimaced, “But I’ll be back every other weekend and I promise to FaceTime you every chance I get.”

“But you won’t be here.” You told him as tears began to form in your eyes, “Dad, I need you. You can’t leave me.” Jensen looked at you but didn’t know what to say, he knew you wouldn’t like that he was leaving but he couldn’t avoid it. Filming had been put off for as long as possible and you weren’t able to go to Vancouver with him.

“You know I’d stay if I could sweetheart.” Jensen said, wiping the tears that were falling from your eyes.

“But I need you here.” You stated again, “You can’t leave me, I can’t do this without you.” 

Jensen moved so that he was sitting at the head of the bed with you and carefully scooped you up so you were in his lap.

“I’m so sorry honey,” He tried to sooth you as you sobbed into his neck. He held the back of your head while rubbing your back with his other hand, “You can do this sweetheart, I’ll call you all the time and be home whenever I can be.”

“Please don’t leave me.” You cried into his neck, “Don’t leave me alone, I can’t do this alone, I need my dad, please don’t leave me.” 

Jensen continued to hold onto you, his own tears falling down his cheeks. He tried his hardest to keep it together but he hadn’t seen you fall apart like this in months, only this time he was the cause of it.

“Please don’t leave me daddy.” You repeated, holding on tighter to your father.

Jensen closed his eyes as he felt his heart break at your request knowing that he couldn’t do anything about it.

[danidoesathing]

ok! i’ve got the beginning and end written, it’s the middle that i need to write still, and it’s disgustingly sweet (i’ll post it to ao3 when i’ve got it finished bc i refuse to upload an unfinished work). also lemme know if you wanna read the ending as well, i wasn’t sure (it, too, is fluffy to hell and back)

Chapter 1:

Tim hated this. He hated it all. He’d rather be anywhere else in the world if he could, he could’ve been at home in his room with his laptop and Jay to talk to, but instead he was here with his mom who thought that she had any right to his life after leaving it for good (when he was twelve years old in a mental hospital too, who did that to their child?) and apparently forgot why she did, since she wouldn’t shut up. He’d had enough by the third hour of the “vacation” she took him to, and maybe if he hadn’t hated pity as much as he did, especially from the one that caused him to be pitied, he would have enjoyed the five-star hotel stay more, rather than feel like he was stuck in one long panic attack. He had managed to get away, though. He excused himself to the bathroom and felt grateful she had allowed him that much. He didn’t pay too much attention to the walk to the bathroom - he was trying to breathe in and out regularly and count to ten and pay attention to what he felt and all the other coping methods they taught him in the ten years he spent in the psych ward. He only realized there was someone else in the bathroom when the person (Tim assumed they were male, this was the men’s bathroom) sighed and firmly said, “I need more time, you can’t just ruin my entire life to gain a few weeks.” 

Brian had really been looking forward to the week he’d spend on his own - privacy and being alone weren’t really concepts that his family understood, and it had only gotten worse when the marriage proposal came. He’d tried to explain countless times that he was gay and that he would rather marry a frog than the fake, manipulative, entitled, rude, homophobic, racist, bitchy, but most importantly rich girl his parents had chosen for him to marry. As if he’d spend more than a minute within a five-mile radius of the piece of shit who wanted his money and his name, nothing else. When the call from his mother (Brian had stopped calling Carol Thomas his mom years ago, when she first started denying his issues and instead punished him for things he couldn’t control) came, he escaped to the bathroom since it was closer than his room, even though it was a lot less private. He didn’t think anything would go wrong, it wasn’t busy at the restaurant and even if someone entered, they would probably leave him alone to suffer in his misery. 

Brian hadn’t noticed the tired man who slunk into the bathroom at first, but when he saw the defeated slump of his shoulders and how utterly exhausted his eyes looked, his mother demanded that he come home the next day. He was pretty sure that everyone within the state could hear his sigh, and he thought about how he had gotten so sick of his own family that this was the case with every conversation he had with them. After his final compromise, he hung up without saying goodbye or waiting for Carol to respond. He knew what she would have said anyway, was far too familiar with the same conversation.

Tim hesitated, trying to figure out what to do - he couldn’t just leave and pretend he’d heard nothing, but he didn’t know this man, like, at all, so he also couldn’t try to comfort him or ask him what was wrong, because something clearly was. 

“Family problems,” Brian said into the silence, which was probably just a few seconds long but to Tim’s anxiety-ridden mind it was a lifetime of waiting. 

Tim smiled slightly. “I’m familiar.” 

Brian made an interested noise.  “You tell me about your life, and I tell you ‘bout mine, alright?” 

He understood what sort of deal this was, he was used to therapists and doctors and psychiatrists trying to take his brain apart and figure out what was wrong with him, to try to fix him (or that’s what they said, but he wasn’t sure there weren’t any other reasons behind their words). He despised being treated like a wild animal who could lose his mind and attack at any moment, with a single wrong move. They had treated him like he was dangerous and they pitied him for it, but Brian, he hadn’t looked scared of Tim. He hadn’t acted like he was trying to play it safe - rather, he had tried to make Tim feel comfortable by making himself as vulnerable as Tim was. He realized that he didn’t want to strangle Brian. I’ve spent so much time with psychologists that I’ve started acting like one, analyzing everything and everyone’s actions. Tim laughed internally at the thought. 

“Sure. I don’t have anything else to do anyway,” He responded, and told Brian about his current predicament with his mother, leaving out the parts in which he was at the hospital - he just said that he had a chronic illness and his mom had left him at 12 when he had been in the hospital for four years. 

“Shit, dude, that really sucks. She doesn’t have any right to your life now, you know that right?” Brian said at the end of Tim’s story, after a short pause to take it all in. “I’m going to sound like a whiny white asshole with my story now,” he added. Tim shook his head. “No, I don’t think so. After all, my life doesn’t invalidate yours,” he said, and the corners of Brian’s mouth twitched up. “I guess you’re right,” he said, and started explaining how his parents wanted him to marry a rich woman high up the ladder of status in the elite community he was born into, and Tim could feel himself tensing up and his mind starting to buzz. 

Brian noticed that the man in front of him was looking a little off, and stopped midway through describing that he only had the next week or so to find his soulmate, otherwise he’d be stuck with someone he hated for the rest of his life. “Hey, are you okay?” He asked softly, and the other man (Brian only just realized that he knew this man’s life story but not his name, and mentally reprimanded himself for not introducing himself and asking his name) took a shuddering breath. 

“Yeah, I’m fine,” he said, and Brian didn’t call him out on his bullshit. “Please continue, I’m way too invested in your life now.” He smiled, and Brian laughed. 

“Alright, but first, you have to tell me your name because I’ve realized we haven’t introduced ourselves and it’s killing me,” Brian said.

“My name’s Tim Wright.”

“Brian Thomas. Nice to meet you, I guess,” Tim rolled his eyes at Brian’s antics, but Brian knew he was amused, as evidenced by Tim’s light snort. Tim told him to get on with the story, (a bit like a whining child, but in a good way, Brian thought) and he responded with, “Okay, okay, I’ll get to it then.”

“There isn’t much left,” Brian warned. When Tim nodded his understanding, he continued from where he had stopped, and when he had finished talking about his current fucked-up situation, the other man had been shocked into silence. 

“You have to be kidding me,” he finally said. “There’s no way that that shit’s real and actually happening to you.” 

Brian shook his head and sighed. “I wish I was, but nope! My parents are just assholes who are outta their minds.” 

Tim thought for a second - he had to do something, but he didn’t know what he could to be able to help. He chewed on his lip, and after a minute or so, had an idea that he thought could possibly work. 

“How about we pretend that we’re soulmates?” he asked Brian, who looked taken aback but also as if he was considering Tim’s proposition. Tim was about to backtrack and apologize, maybe say something along the lines of or we can just not do that if you don’t want to I’m sorry for bringing it up you must think I’m so creepy and weird and can we just ignore this ever happened?  

But then Brian nodded thoughtfully, and said, “Actually, I can imagine how that would work. I’d call my parents and tell them that I’ve already found my soulmate and that I want to spend more time with you, and you’d talk to them in order to convince them further if they don’t believe me. I already know I’m gay, so my soulmate is definitely a man, so your voice being a guy’s wouldn’t be a problem and when I find my actual soulmate, if they sound different to you, we could just blame it on the phone being weird through the call. We could say that we wanna spend a few weeks getting to know each other before I leave, and during that time I could find my real soulmate. If I can’t, then we can come up with scenarios in which I’d need to stay longer until I do. Yeah, actually, this is a really good idea, Tim.” 

“Uh, really? I mean, thanks,” Tim said, still reeling from Brian’s rambling. “How are we going to do this? Do you like, I don’t know, wanna call your parents and I can talk to them?”

“Yeah, sure, give me a sec,” Brian fished in his pocket for his phone and Tim internally panicked while Brian called his mother. He would have had a panic attack, but before he could truly get worked up, Brian was already talking. 

“Hey mother, guess what happened - no, you’ll never guess - I found my soulmate! And he’s a guy like I said he would be! Oh, you don’t want my soulmate to be a man? Well, unfortunately, apparently the universe doesn’t share your homophobic views - oh come on, would I lie about this? You don’t believe me? Fine, I guess I’ll have to prove it. Mother, meet Tim.”

“Hello Mrs. Thomas, it’s nice to meet you,” Tim said, and Brian couldn’t shake the feeling that something bad was going to happen, and he didn’t want Tim to be there for it. He hated his parents, and the thought of them hurting Tim in any way was unbearable. Wait, what? I met him like 15 minutes ago, why do I care so much about him? He was going to figure out his feelings regarding Tim, but then he saw how he was getting anxious, so he decided to intervene now and unpack his shit later. 

Grabbing the phone from Tim, he told his parents that he and Tim wanted to get to know each other by staying at the hotel for longer, and when they objected, he simply reminded them that he was his own person and as an adult, he could do whatever the fuck he wanted to do, slowly getting more pissed off with every word that his parents said. Knowing that he would snap if he listened to more of their bullshit, he hung up after letting them know he would stay for a few more weeks in Ohio, though probably in a motel (he wasn’t rich enough to spend weeks at a five-star hotel). He looked at Tim. “Are you okay? You looked pretty freaked out there, and I’m sorry, I shouldn’t have put that much pressure on-”

“No, no, you’re fine. I guess I just felt overwhelmed, sort of? I don’t really know why I felt so anxious, but I’ve been dealing with anxiety for, like, 16 years. I should be used to it by now,“ Tim assured Brian. "Plus, it worked, didn’t it? they weren’t happy, but they seem to have believed us, so you can stay for a few more weeks and try to find your soulmate. Actually, why are you searching in Ohio and not Alabama anyway? Aside from the obvious reason, of course.” he added. 

Brian frowned. “I don’t really know, I guess this just felt closer to my soulmate. You know how your mark is supposed to like, tingle and shit?” Tim nodded, and Brian continued. “Yeah, I guess that’s why - Ohio feels like I’m closer to finding them than in Alabama." 

"Yeah, I think I get it. It feels the same for me too, if I think about it - my mark feels weird and that’s never happened before, so I must be doing something right,” Tim said after thinking for a while, and Brian laughed.

“Hey, who knows, maybe we’ll find our soulmates in here, and maybe we’ll find them at around the same time - that would be so cool! You know, I think I rather like you, Tim. I’d like to be friends - if you wanna, of course,” Brian said, and Tim answered with an affirmative. 

“Well, you’re pretty cool yourself Brian Thomas, and I would indeed like to be friends, but I really gotta go. Emily’s probably going out of her mind, wondering where her son she found after 12 years went to,” Tim joked, and they exchanged numbers. 

“ So, I still have a week or so left, which means I’ll probably see you around the hotel and shit. Bye Tim,” Brian called as he left the bathroom, and Tim waved back before following.

  Chapter 2:

Brian walked back to his room, since he had already finished his dinner, and contemplated the last hour. He had gone from having to fight his parents for less than a week to find his soulmate to being given permission (well, sort of. Brian thought it counted if they had always encouraged him to do something until it actually got to the point in which said thing would be applicable - they couldn’t just change their minds because they were homophobic assholes) for almost a month doing whatever he wanted wherever he wanted to. 

Of course, there was also Tim. He didn’t quite understand why he liked Tim already, or why Tim had helped him, but he knew that he didn’t regret it at all. Plus, they were friends now, and he felt that they would only get closer with time. He’d arrived at his room by this point, and after entering, he decided that he wouldn’t get anything else done today. Within minutes he was in bed - no point pretending to be functional when there was nobody around to see it, and plus, he was very sleep-deprived and he should probably go to sleep to fix that. 

Since he’d been lying still with his eyes closed for over an hour, Brian believed that he was justified in going on his phone. However, once he opened his phone, he realized that he didn’t really have anything to do, and in a moment of boredom and apathy for his future, he decided to text Tim.

  savingprivatebrian [23:42]: Hey tim

  savingprivatebrian [23:42]: it’s me brian

  savingprivatebrian [23:42]: if you couldn’t tell

  He was surprised to see that Tim was online, and soon enough, he saw Tim’s typing bubble pop up.

  Tim [23:44]: yeah 

Tim [23:44]: i saved your number

  Tim [23:44]: anyway whats up

  Brian smiled because of course Tim was awake, he totally seemed like the type of person who’s constantly tired and sleep-deprived.

  savingprivatebrian [23:44]: nothing

  savingprivatebrian [23:45]: i just couldnt sleep

  Tim [23:45]: i get that

Tim [23:46]: insomnias a bitch

  savingprivatebrian [23:46]: yep

savingprivatebrian [23:47]: so do you wanna just talk until we can sleep

  Tim [23:47]: please

He laughed at Tim’s response, and settled comfortably into his nest of pillows (perks of five-star hotels) to talk to Tim.

In the end, they both agreed to go to sleep at around 3:30 in the morning, after having texted for almost four hours. If he wasn’t so sleepy, he might’ve wondered why conversation was so easy when he was talking to Tim when he normally wouldn’t be able to even form sentences with people he knew as little as he knew Tim. Instead, though, he placed his phone on the bedside drawer, rolled over, and fell asleep within minutes, still with a little smile playing on his lips.

  Chapter 3:

  A week later, Tim’s mother left to go back to work, and Tim promised her that he’d come to visit every now and then. He was surprised to find that he was planning to keep that promise - after his mom explained her reasons, he learned that she hadn’t left because she wanted to, only because she had to. Her life had been easier without him, and that realization hurt. He had held her back her entire life, and he really couldn’t blame her for having done whatever she could to get rid of the reason she couldn’t be happy. He was over it, though. He had had more than a decade to come to terms with the fact that everyone he cared about would leave him eventually, when they realized that he would always be problematic, that he would never get better, and that he would always drag them down. Why would anyone stay with that?

Then came was Brian. Tim knew that he was falling, falling hard, but he also knew that Brian didn’t feel the same - they both wanted to find their soulmates, and even if Brian did like someone as fucked up as Tim, when he found his soulmate, he’d just leave. 

He had told Brian about his mom and how he felt, as well as why he was in a hospital for 10 years, and Brian’s only reaction was to hug him (they didn’t notice that no parts of their skin had made contact, Tim would later realize) and telling him that he’d never leave. That was a bigger deal than Brian realized, and he had broken down crying, which caused Brian to start crying too. They had spent about 2 hours talking about their problems, and Tim left Brian’s room feeling better than he had for over a month. They had only been friends for a few days at that point, but there was no denying that they had a connection - they were already so, so close (and if Tim wanted them to be even closer, well, no-one had to know). 

Jay had called, on the second day. He had asked what was going on and why the hell Tim hadn’t texted or called him - rightfully so, since they usually talked daily and it had been more than 2 days with nothing. Tim had ranted about Brian and his mom, but it had taken Jay about ten minutes into Tim’s monologue to point out that he was totally crushing on Brian, and Tim had found himself unable to argue. After talking for over an hour, Jay had hung up with a threat to Tim if he didn’t text him everything that happened. 

Tim thought back to that conversation many times over the following days - he could trust Jay to call him out on his bullshit and help him work through it, and he knew Jay could do the same. Whenever his anxiety convinced him that they simply tolerated his presence and actually hated him, Tim would text Jay (and now Brian) and Jay would not stop texting him until Tim had no doubt left about their friendship.

On his last day in the hotel, a week after he arrived and met Brian, he had breakfast with Brian to talk about what they were going to do, since this was Brian’s last day too. 

“Over here,” Brian called out as Tim walked into the restaurant in the hotel, from which they got free breakfast. 

“Hey,” Tim said when he sat down. “You wanna go get some food? I’m starving.”

“Yeah, sure. Just a second,” Brian put his stuff on the extra chair, and connected his phone to a charger. “My battery’s at 12 percent,” he explained at Tim’s questioning look.

“Alright, let’s go. What do you wanna get?” Brian asked when they entered the self-service area.

“Eggs and bacon first, so they cook, but I’ll look around anyway to see what’s there,” Tim answered while grabbing a plate.

“Why didn’t you get a fork and knife too?”

“Because I’ll drop them, Brian.” 

“Ha, weak.”

“Do you really want to try me?” 

“Geez, you’re just so scary.”

“I know.” 

They had reached the omelette station, and they waited for their orders to be cooked in comfortable silence, which was new to both of them. Shaking his head, Tim decided to ignore his lack of friends while he was so happy and had the chance to spend time with someone who not only could tolerate him, but also wanted to befriend him. 

He was brought back to reality by Brian nudging him, and snapped his eyes onto Brian in alarm, quickly realizing there was no threat, there was just his food (paranoia had become a reflex at this point, and he wasn’t sure whether he was supposed to laugh or cry because of it). 

Throughout breakfast, Tim found his eyes lingering more and more on Brian’s lips when all social and conversational norms stated that his gaze should be on his eyes or overall figure to watch his body language and hand gestures, so like everyone else who’s ever been in this situation, he decided, okay, we’re going to put these feelings of attraction in a box, now close it, and yep! Push it as far away from coherent thought as you can, right up against the childhood trauma, self-hatred, insecurity, and look! It’s the box of fear of abandonment. Now, we don’t think about these, so surely this’ll be safe here. After cataloging everything into the dark basement of his mind, buried deep under everything else and covered in the mental equivalent of cobwebs and a layer of dust over everything, he simply looked away from Brian’s mouth and focused on literally any other part of his body, like, like- his eyes! That would surely work, wouldn’t it? You can’t possibly mess eye contact up, even though you’re, well, you, Tim. Don’t fuck this up with your social incompetence.

Yeah, no. After only a few minutes of trying to draw his attention away from what Brian would taste like, he found out that eyes are just as dangerous as lips, since he found that it was easier than it should be to get lost in Brian’s warm hazel eyes. He never realized that there were rings of different colours, and with the light framing his face, he looked otherworldly, like he didn’t belong to planet Earth or at least had some kind of magic coursing through his veins, just like warmth was coursing through Tim’s as he drowned in the ocean of brown and green filling Brian’s eye sockets. Because he was drowning, drowning, drowning as he forgot to breathe, move, do anything at all in the haze that came over him.

-------------------------------

[thelazyhermits]

The Color of Jealousy

Here’s the raffle prize for the lovely @arceal-doodles. Arci gave me the prompt “the color of jealousy” and asked for some jealous US Papyrus reacting to the Reader’s ex trying to get back together with the Reader. Once again, this became longer than I intended lol Also, the Reader is female in this ^^

I hope you enjoy it, Arci!!! <3 <3 <3

You’re exhausted.

After working late every day this week, all you want to do is spend your Friday night at home, relaxing on the couch with your boyfriend. Unfortunately, life seems to have it out for you.

Throughout the week, your friends have been begging you to go out with them for some fun. They found a new bar that’s apparently been really popular lately.  

Considering the week you had, the last thing you wanted to do on your Friday night was go out partying, but despite you constantly hinting toward your lethargy, your friends wouldn’t let up. They claimed you never hang out with them anymore since you started dating Papyrus which wasn’t true.

It’s not your fault your job has kept you so busy lately. You haven’t even gotten to spend any quality time with your boyfriend this week because of work. So, your friends really shouldn’t be complaining.

Still, in the end, you caved and agreed to go out with them tonight, hoping this will appease them and get them off your back for the rest of the weekend. Saturday, you don’t plan on leaving your bed before noon. Hell, you may never leave it. Papyrus wouldn’t complain; you have no doubt about that.

So, now you’re stuck at a bar in a corner booth, watching your friends living it up on the dance floor. Honestly, considering how little you’ve interacted with them since you got here, you’re wondering why the hell you’re even here. You could seriously sneak out right now, and they probably wouldn’t even notice.

But, come the next morning, they’ll be calling me, complaining about me ditching them. This is so unfair. Papyrus was right. I need to learn how to say no to my friends. This is ridiculous.

The only reason you’re still here is to keep an eye on your highly inebriated friends and make sure they don’t get into any trouble. If you see any guys giving your friends a hard time, you’re gonna make them the target of all your pent up frustration.

You take a sip of your water to calm your nerves. Alcohol is definitely off the menu for you since someone has to play the responsible role around here. You wouldn’t be surprised if that’s why your friends wanted you to come, wanting someone to take care of them while they got wild and drunk.

They so owe me for this. I could be at home now snuggling on the couch with Papyrus. But, noooo! I just had to spend some “quality time” with my friends. Quality time my ass.

“Hey, Y/N, what’s up?

A familiar voice makes you freeze, successfully drawing you away from your thoughts. Filled with dread, you look up to see your ex-boyfriend, Chris, standing before you, wearing a casual grin. The same grin that used to give you butterflies in your stomach once upon a time. Now, it just makes your teeth grind.

Since he doesn’t appear to be looking for a fight, you try to remain cordial. “Nothing much. Just playing group mom. What about you? Out with the guys?”

Much to your chagrin, Chris takes a seat across from you and makes himself comfortable in the booth. “Nah, it’s just me. Haven’t been out in a while, and I thought it’d be fun. I ran into your friends earlier, and when they said you were here, I thought I’d drop by to see how you were doing.”

Your eyebrow twitches in annoyance. You may need to seriously consider getting new friends after tonight. “I see. Well, besides having a busy work week and having to play babysitter, I’m doing fine. How about you?”

He laughs at your response. “Sounds like a rough time. I’m doing alright. Work’s been going fine, but I’m still having a hard time getting used to coming home to an empty apartment.”

Knowing where this is going, you inwardly sigh while outwardly you raise an eyebrow “We only lived together for a month, and that was almost half a year ago.”

Shrugging, the man gives you a cheeky grin. “What can I say? It was the best month of my life. Of course, I miss it.”

You fight the urge to roll your eyes. Best month, yeah right. The two of you did nothing but argue that whole month.

Everything was fine at first. You had been excited about moving in with Chris. Up until that point, the two of you barely fought and had the perfect chemistry. You really thought he was the one.

Until you found out his feelings about Papyrus, that is.

Turns out behind closed doors, your ex has no problem sharing his negative opinions about monsters. You can’t believe you dated him for all those months and had no idea about his hatred for monsters. He acted perfectly normal whenever the two of you were out in public.

He knew how you felt about monsters. After all, at the time, Papyrus, a walking talking skeleton, was your best friend. Why the hell would he date you if he knew you liked monsters?

It turned out that Chris had hoped he could change your opinion of monsters. He was under the impression that if you spent less time with Papyrus, who apparently was “brainwashing” you, then you’d be able to see “reason”.

Once you started living together, Chris kept coming up with excuses for you to not hang out with Papyrus. At first, you agreed, thinking he wanted to spend more alone time together.

However, after two weeks passed with no change in his behavior, you started getting annoyed. Anytime you wanted to spend time with your best friend, you got in an argument with your boyfriend.

Eventually, you found out about his hatred of monsters. Then, Chris had the nerve to ask you to choose between him and Papyrus. It was ridiculous. How could someone be so close minded?

Much to his surprise, your decision was easy. You had known Papyrus for much longer than Chris. Plus, there was no way you’d continue dating a man who thought so lowly of your best friend and his entire race.

It turned out to be the second best decision of your life. Your best decision being you agreeing to go on a date with Papyrus. It turned out your best friend had been harboring feelings for you for a long time. He originally didn’t plan on voicing them since he thought you were happy with your previous boyfriend.

Papyrus waited several months after your breakup before confessing because he wanted to make sure you had enough time to get over it. He didn’t want you to think he was trying to take advantage of you during your time of weakness.

Not that you would have ever thought that way. You know Papyrus isn’t that kind of guy.

“Hey, how about we give this another chance? What do ya say? Don’t you miss what we had?”

You can’t say you’re surprised. From the get-go, you figured this is what he was leading to. Before you can shoot him down, a familiar voice cuts you off. “sorry, pal. she’s taken. better luck lookin’ elsewhere.”

Surprised, you look up to see Papyrus standing in front of your booth, glaring at your ex. “Papyrus? What are you doing here?”

His expression softens when his gaze lands on you. “i came to bust you outta here. i knew you wouldn’t leave ‘cause it would upset your friends. but, i figured if i came and got you, they would get angry at me instead for takin’ you away.”

Touched, you give him a grateful smile. “Honestly, that’s probably the best idea I’ve heard all night.”

While you feel a little guilty about leaving your friends, that feeling quickly vanishes once you remember they left you on your own and even had the nerve to tell your ex that you were here. They better have a very good explanation for that, or you won’t be going out with them any time soon if at all.

As you move to stand, you feel a hand clamp down on your wrist, making you jump in surprise. When you turn your head, you see Chris on his feet, glaring at Papyrus as he tightly clutches your wrist.

In a blink, there’s a bony hand latched onto your ex’s wrist. You can hear Chris make a pained noise when the hand on his wrist tightens.

Directing your gaze toward your boyfriend, you see the skeleton glaring at Chris heatedly. “don’t touch her. if you want to keep your hand, let go. now.”

The two males exchange glares for several seconds before the human finally relents and releases your wrist. As soon as he does, Papyrus pulls you out of the booth and keeps you pressed against his side.

Chris scowls deeply. “So, you really did have a thing for him after all. No wonder you wanted to keep hanging out with him. You really are one of those freaky necrophiliacs. That’s why the two of you were so close. You were probably seeing him on the side, weren’t you?”

Incredulous, all you can do is gape. Did he seriously accuse you of cheating on him? What the hell? How did he come to that conclusion?!

Just as you’re about to give the idiot a piece of your mind, you hear a low rumbling come from your boyfriend’s chest. Surprised, you look up to see Papyrus scowling as his right eye socket gives off an orange glow.

It’s not often you see the skeleton get mad, so this catches you by surprise. Your ex is obviously surprised considering how wide his eyes are now.

Papyrus narrows his eye-lights. “first off, she never cheated on you. she’d never do something like that. at that time, we were just friends. second, if i ever hear you call her that again, you’re in for a bad time. if you don’t want to end up in the hospital, you’ll back off now and never show your face around her again.”

The other male scowls in anger. “Are you threatening me, monster scum?”

Your boyfriend smirks as his magic flashes. “that ain’t a threat, pal. that’s a promise.”

Not wanting to remain on the sidelines, you decide to add your own two cents. You pull out of the skeleton’s grip to stand in front of him, glaring heatedly at the pathetic excuse for a human before you. “If you ever call my boyfriend that again, I’ll be sending you straight to the ER myself. I’ve built up a lot of frustration and aggression this week. There’s nothing I’d love more than to take it out on you right now. Just try me.”

You’re filled with immense satisfaction when Chris quails at your look. With a smug smirk, you turn around, loop your arm with Papyrus’, and march straight toward the exit, not bothering to give the other man a second glance.

The skeleton chuckles in amusement before giving you a fond grin. “very impressive, hun. i think he was more scared of you than he was of me. he looked like he was about to jump out of his skin.”

His pun makes you giggle in amusement. Squeezing his arm tightly, you return the grin. “As he should be. We all know who’s really the scariest one out of the two of us, especially this time of the year when I’m overworked and cranky.”

Snorting, Papyrus leans down to press a kiss against your hairline right after you both exit the bar. “you’ll always be the sweetest in my book, honey.”

With a happy flush, you snuggle closer to your boyfriend. “Thank you for coming, Papyrus. Despite this horrible day, I was really happy to see you. If I had my way, I would’ve been with you the whole night rather than stuck suffering on my own.”

He wraps his arms around you to pull you into a warm hug before affectionately nuzzling your hair. “couldn’t let your friends have all the fun. i’m all about sharing, but even i got my limits. i held out as long as i could. they should be grateful i didn’t come as soon as i wanted.”

Smiling, you bury your face against his hoodie, breathing in the smell of cigarette smoke and honey. “Could it be you were feeling a little jealous?”

When you don’t get an immediate response, you pull back just enough to see him averting his gaze with a light orange blush lighting up his cheekbones. Amused, you reach for his face and gently guide his gaze back to yours. “You were. How cute. You know there’s no one I adore more than you, Papyrus.”

His blush darkens at your words. “i know. just couldn’t help myself, especially when i found you sitting with that bastard. i really wanted to hit something then. i was barely able to hold myself back when he grabbed you.”

Your expression softens as you smile at him, gently stroking his cheek with your thumb. “While I wouldn’t have minded if you had, I’m proud of you for holding back. Knowing him, he’d come up with a way to use that to prove his point about monsters. He’s not worth all that trouble.”

Papyrus leans down until his forehead is pressed against yours. “he’s not, but you are. and, you always will be.”

It’s times like this that you are reminded how you fell in love with the man before you and how lucky you are to have him in your life. Your heart feels like it’s about to burst with all the love and affection you feel for him.

Wasting no time, you close the distance between you and kiss him, loving how he pulls you flush against you and holds you close. Your arms loop around his neck as his snugly wrap around your waist.

You couldn’t care less that you’re in a public place, and anyone could see you. As long as you and Papyrus are together and happy, nothing else matters.

When the kiss finally ends, the skeleton uses his powers to teleport you both home where you both make yourselves comfortable on the couch. The two of you spend the rest of the night cuddling and exchanging kisses. Looks like you managed to turn your Friday night around after all.

It’s as you think over the night’s earlier events that an idea comes to mind that makes you giggle. When Papyrus raises a brow ridge at you, you grin at him. “You know, humans usually associate the color green with envy. Some people will say someone is seeing green when they’re jealous. In your case though, it’d be seeing orange, huh?”

He snorts in amusement. Rather than reply, the skeleton instead leans down to capture your mouth with his, slipping his tongue between your parted lips.

Papyrus proceeds to completely ravish your mouth, leaving no corner untouched. You shiver with pleasure when he sneaks a hand under your shirt to gently stroke your back.

You find yourself moaning into the kiss when he caresses a particularly tender spot with his tongue. He groans and clutches you tighter when your fingers unconsciously dig into the vertebrae of his neck. By the time he finally pulls away, you’re breathing heavily, staring at him with hooded eyes and bright red cheeks.

A large smirk forms on his face as he gently strokes your cheek. “and, now i’m seein’ red--my new favorite color.”

[so-caffeinated]

Do we get to see little Will again? I LOVED the the chapter when he went Christmas shopping with Felicity!

How about a flashfic, Anon? (Credit to the anon as well as @bookwormandpoet for tagging me with FiCoN feels on a post by @lyricalarrow over on Twitter … I hope this is the same Lyrical Arrow… so credit to both)

May 2016

Will’s dad’s house is huge. The first time he came over, he’d wondered exactly how many kids his dad planned on having because who could possibly need this much space? His dad had laughed really, really hard at that and hugged him so fiercely, so honestly that Will had thought his heart might just burst with joy. 

“Don’t worry about someday, buddy,” his dad had said. “I’ve got you and soon we’ll have your sister. That’s the perfect number of kids for right now.” 

And he’d meant it. Hearing his dad say so freely, so earnestly, that having him is ‘perfect?’ Even from those first few interactions, that had meant so much more to Will than he could have ever guessed.

So, for that matter, does his little sister. 

Despite some momentary misgivings about how Jules would effect his place in his dad’s family, Will has loved his baby sister from the moment he found out about her. In fact, maybe he’s loved her since before that. His mom had done her very best to be everything he needed. “You and me against the word, kiddo. That’s all we need,” she used to tell him with a tiny, conspiratorial grin as she held up her pinkie to lock together with his, a promise and a secret wrapped up in one.  

His mom’s amazing - best mom in the world to his eyes - but that doesn’t mean he hadn’t longed for family beyond just her. He had. He used to daydream about having a brother. Sometimes it was a twin. They’d kick the ball around out back together and one of them would distract his mom so that the other could steal cookies from the kitchen before they shared the spoils between them. He always looked with longing at the other kids in school when their dads showed up and it had hurt so much knowing that would never happen for him. 

But then it did. And, oh, but it’s been better than he could have ever dreamed because his dad is amazing and so is Felicity and, before long, so is his baby sister. 

He’d hoped for a brother at first, of course. But, surprisingly, he found he was every bit as excited to greet a sister. It feels, in some ways, like she cements his place in his dad’s family. He’s not even sure he can sort out why he feels that way, but he does. Suddenly, with her, he’s not alone. 

And she’s got him wrapped around her little finger from the first moment he holds her, sitting on that cramped little sofa in the hospital with his dad’s arm wrapped around the both of them. It’s been sixteen months since that day and not a single ounce of wonder and joy Will feels when he looks at his baby sister has faded. 

His room in his dad’s enormous house is a floor up from Jules’ nursery. That’s kinda cool because it means he can usually get a full night’s sleep when he’s here, even if she’s cutting a tooth - like last night - and he can have the tiny Legos in his room that can’t be near her because she’ll eat them. But, he still finds himself spending more time on her floor than his. 

Like now… now he’s messing around with clay in the playroom on her floor while she naps. While everyone naps, honestly. His dad and Felicity had had a long night filled with one miserable little girl whose gums were all purple and swollen where she had a tooth trying to break through. He’d stayed up later than he was supposed to, too, trying to come up with ways to soothe Jules. He’d hated that she was hurting and he had no way to fix it. He’d confessed this to his dad the third time he’d been marched back to his room and told to sleep. His father had just sighed and kissed his mop of hair - his mom keeps trying to get him to cut it - saying “You’re telling me, buddy.”

He’d stayed in his room for the rest of the night. He’s got no clue how late his dad and Felicity were up with Jules, but the fact that his dad had sleepily made him oatmeal in the morning instead of waffles felt like a big sign. And he hadn’t been surprised at all when his dad and Felicity had asked if he minded if they tried to take a nap while Jules did. He hadn’t. There’s plenty to keep him occupied at his dad’s house. And, even as a second grader he’d seen the relief on their faces as they’d allowed exhaustion to sink in before trudging up to their room.  

But, he realizes, pausing mid-creation of a drawbridge for his clay castle, his dad and soon-to-be-stepmom were a whole lot more tired than his baby sister. It hasn’t even been two whole episodes of Jake and the Neverland Pirates yet and he can already hear her talking to herself with fast-increasing urgency.

He hurries down the hall toward the nursery, wiping his hands against jeans in a token gesture torward cleanliness as he goes. He skids to a stop in front of her door, the rubber soles of his sneakers leaving a treadmark against the wood - not that he notices - and he peeks open her door the tiniest bit. 

She quiets instantly. He can see her standing on her tiptoes, bright blue eyes staring over the top of her crib as she watches the door with unbridled excitement. 

He snicks the door shut and she laughs loudly, bouncing on the mattress of her crib. She likes this game. And, really, so does he. 

He peeks the door open scarcely an inch, no wider than before, and this time he can see her crouched down like she’s trying to hide, too. But the top half of her head is visible over the railing of the crib and her eyes widen in delight as she spots him staring at her. 

“Wuh!” she shouts loudly as she stands stock straight up and bounces insistently. “Wuh! Wuh!”

He’s not sure if she’s trying for his name or ‘want,’ but either way her message is clear - she’s definitely done napping. Her parents, however, are not, so Will throws the door open wide and stands in the doorway with his hands on his hips and a grin on his face. There’s very little Will enjoys more than making his baby sister laugh and, for some reason, this absolutely does it. She falls back on her little diapered butt in a fit of giggles.

It’s contagious. 

“Shhhhh,” he says, laughing as he hushes her and walking over to the crib. “Dad and your momma are still asleep, Julie-bug. Don’t wake them up, okay? I’ve got you.”

She looks over at the baby monitor, so in spite of the fact that she isn’t able to say a whole lot of words yet, he’s pretty sure she understands him. 

“Do you want me to help you break outta there?” he asks, tapping the bars to her crib. 

“Up!” she demands loudly, getting back on her feet and reaching for him. She’s trying to climb over the rail to get to her big brother when he scoops her up, more or less dragging her over the edge of the railing. He’s not that tall yet, after all. It’s a good thing Jules is small. And light. And hardy. He’s dropped her more than once, but she always seems to just be surprised instead of hurt. “Wuh!” she declares again, patting both of his cheeks with her pudgy little hands. 

So she is trying to say his name, he decides, grinning with pride. 

“Will,” he corrects, pointing at his lips. “Will.”

“Wuh,” she says again, looking at him like he’s nuts. Clearly she’s got this, after all. 

“Good enough,” he decides. “You’re getting there, Julie-bug. Pretty soon we won’t be able to get you to stop talking.”

“Wuh,” she repeats proudly, squishing his cheeks firmly before leaning in and putting a big, wet kiss on the side of his face. It’s slobbery as anything and she splutters as she breathes out hard against his face, but that kind of thing has never bothered Will and he just laughs before wiping away the trail of drool she leaves on his face.  

Her eyes are bright, absolutely alight with excitement and she wriggles her little butt, nearly dancing in his arms. He knows what she wants. There’s not even a question in his head. But he’s not gonna do it standing. 

Balancing her carefully with one arm and using the crib slats for support, he eases himself down onto the floor, settling cross-legged with Jules perched on his lap. She pulls back slightly, curving her head down to protect her little neck. 

“Oh you can dish it out, but you can’t take it, huh?” he asks. reaching with the fingers of one hand to tickle at her neck. She giggles and pushes his hand away. 

“No!” she says loudly.

He stops, sits back, leaning on his palms as he gives her a look. “Okay,” he agrees. Her brow furrows and she looks at him with confusion all over her face. “You said no so I won’t tickle you,” he tells her. “Wouldn’t be nice if I did.”

She wants to take it back, but she doesn’t have the words yet. He can see it. She huffs, looking so very serious, and gives a whine of annoyance as she searches for a way to express herself. The minute she figures it out, her whole face changes, frustration and seriousness melting away. She pulls up her shirt and points at her own belly as she sticks her tongue out and spits messily in Will’s direction. 

“Oh,” he says, laughing as he wipes her spit off his face. “You want raspberries do you?”

“Do!” she grins, wriggling in place on his knees and hunching slightly like she’s readying for attack. “Do, Wuh.”

“Pretty sure I can manage that,” he answers picking her up by her armpits and blowing a loud raspberry against her midsection. She shrieks with delight, grabbing onto his shoulders as she laughs. He’s laughing too when he pulls back and takes in the sight of her. She brings so much joy to his life. And he brings so much joy to hers. He hopes that’s always true because he loves his baby sister with every little bit of his heart. 

“Do ‘gain. Do,” Jules says, wriggling her belly at him. 

“Oh… boy you asked for it Julie-bug,” he tells her before flopping her on her back on the floor and attacking with a series of raspberries that leave her midsection vibrating as she laughs so hard she can barely catch her breath. He breaks off in laughter, resting his chin against her tummy and looking up at her happy little face. “You peed, didn’t you?” he asks her. “You laughed so hard you peed.”

She grins and nods. “Well that’s just gross, Julie-bug,” he tells her. She’s a baby. She couldn’t care less. “What are you gonna do about that now? You’ve got a wet diaper and I’m sure not changing it.”

The pensive look on her face is adorable, but it’s not her voice that speaks up next. 

“I think she’s a bit young to be taking care of that herself.”

“Dada!” Jules announces from her spot on the floor. She points to her belly and sticks out her tongue before saying, “Wuh do.”

“I heard,” their dad says, giving her the softest look imaginable. Who’d have thought this guy put on a mask and strapped on a bow to hunt down criminals at night? It’d surely floored Will when he’d found out… in the best way possible. His dad had already been his hero, but to find out he was a superhero too? Oh, wow, but that was amazing. 

“We were trying not to wake you,” Will tells their dad sheepishly as he heads over to the baby monitor and shuts it off, something Will now realizes he ought to have done himself a bit ago. “Sorry.”

His dad smiles and shakes his head, grabbing the wipes and a clean diaper before he sits on the floor next to them. Jules climbs over to his lap to blow a raspberry kiss against his cheek, just as she’d done to her brother a few minutes before. Their dad looks like he couldn’t actually be happier.

“I know you don’t get this yet, Will. Maybe someday you will. But there is absolutely nothing better in the world than waking up to hear your kids laughing and playing together,” he says, holding Jules against his chest and rubbing a hand over her back. “You’ve got nothing to be sorry for. I’m pretty sure I’m the luckiest guy in the world.”

Will ducks his head for a moment and blushes bashfully at that as his dad ruffles his hair. He doesn’t want to contradict his father, but he knows he’s wrong. His dad can’t be the luckiest guy in the world. Will knows this because - as he glances back up and watches his amazing baby sister and the best father anyone’s ever had - there’s not a doubt in his mind that that honor falls to him.