#I need to be ALONE when I listen to the rest of the ep

[the-void-has-questions]

Thanks Primordial Deep episodes 4&5 :’)

[mikanotes]

up close & personal

hyunsu ? x gn!reader

genre: what. mutual pining?

warnings: sweet home 2 spoilers, mentions of blood, injuries. hyunsu himself is a warning lowkey if u watched the last ep u probably get it… that’s all!

synopsis: You know Hyunsu so well. One year apart couldn’t possibly change that. Except if Hyunsu isn’t alone anymore.

authors note: realized at the end of this fic that i cld compare hyunsu’s current situation to venom like a little bit and that just makes everything so much easier somehow. anyways i don’t really like this but i needed to post smt for him after s2 so!

One year ago, you and Cha Hyunsu would’ve been sitting near the entrance of Green Home apartments, and he would be listening to you talk. One year ago, you would’ve firmly believed that by now, the world would’ve been restored to some kind of peace. It had, in a way, but certainly not in the one your past self would have hoped for. And certainly not the one Hyunsu would’ve wanted for the two of you.

Nevertheless, you remained grateful through everything— As much as you could manage. The shelter was as organized as possible and conflict was a surprisingly rare occurence. Things were alright. As long as you didn’t give time for the grief and terror to catch up to you.

But things couldn’t be calm forever. Especially not in the current state of your world.

When Eunyu disappeared with that man from the military, it only took a day before you grew restless enough to depart from the stadium. After all, Eunyu was the closest thing to a friend you had here, at this point. It only felt right to try and find her. And you did, surprisingly, along with a few familiar faces and an unknown one.

You didn’t expect for the evening you found your friend again to be the very same you would see the person you had considered closest to you at Green Home for the first time in… Over a year.

“Finally asleep.” you sighed quietly, watching Eunyu get the rest her body had probably been begging for. It was difficult to convince her you would stand watch and wait for your friend to wake up in her stead, but her exhaustion made her stop arguing eventually.

You turned towards the room he was in.

Cha Hyunsu.

You crossed your arms and sighed. One year without a single trace of him anywhere. And now he… Just reappears? You wanted to be surprised, but part of you really wasn’t. You were angry, just a little— Spending all this time telling yourself he was gone, only for him to come back as if nothing happened felt like a slap to the face. Still, you couldn’t blame him. Yet. You had no idea what happened to him during that time span.

You felt relieved, if anything.

After some hesitation, you walked over to the glass door. Your hand settled on the handle, pushing it open, before your eyes widened. Hyunsu was sitting on the hospital bed, stretching his neck quietly, not at all perturbed by anything. Hell, he even seemed peaceful.

More peaceful than you’d ever seen him.

You stepped inside quietly and let the door close behind you. Hyunsu continued to move his head, slowly, as if trying to relax, and didn’t acknowledge your presence. His shoulder was bloodstained, still, and his hoodie had cuts here and there. Messy as he appeared, this was your friend from Green Home, there was no denying it. You hadn’t even dared hope he could still be alive, after all this time. You couldn’t give your heart such a high possibility of suffering if he turned out to be gone.

And now he was here. So calm.

He opened his eyes with a soft sigh, before turning his gaze to you. “Finally decided to talk to me?” he asked. His tone was different. Too different. This did not feel like the kind of change that happened in a year. He smiled a little at your silence, tilting his head curiously. “No? Do you need more time? That would be too bad.”

He hopped off the bed with a huff and slowly walked over to you. The closer he got, the clearer it became that his eye color was different. Long gone was the blank, dark brown gaze that looked back at you when you two would talk— Replaced by a vibrant sky blue. A stark contrast from what you were used to, as was everything else about him, apparently. Be it his tone or his mannerisms, it all felt deeply wrong, like it wasn’t him at all. You furrowed your eyebrows but stood still, letting him walk to the very edge of your personal space.

“I’ve been waiting to see you for such a long while.”

“Huh?”

Hyunsu’s eyes widened a little before he grinned. This wasn’t … Him. Not exactly, at least. Not the one you talked to so much. But special-cases, or MH, essentially coexisted in one body. The monster forms around a person’s strongest desire, or whatever it was that scientist at the shelter said.

So perhaps, all the times you and Hyunsu had talked in the past had also been conversations that this side of him had been listening to.

A bit scary. You couldn’t really focus on that, though. You took a deep breath and looked at him.

“Is he well?”

He clicked his tongue, expression growing sour. “He’s fine. Let him get some rest. He’s tired.”

You nodded softly, gaze averting. That sounded fine enough to you. He was right, too, earlier— You had been avoiding talking to him since you met again. With the excuse of focusing on Yikyung and scavenging through the hospital, you had plenty of reasons to act as if you weren’t seeing the person you cared the most for after a whole entire year of thinking he was dead.

But you did feel his gaze on you the whole time. It was heavy, and remorseful. You’d planned to talk to him— In fact, that’s why you decided to come over to the room he was in. You hadn’t expected things to turn out this way, however. Seems like you couldn’t talk to your friend, yet.

“It’s nice to know you care, though.” he hummed, gaze never leaving your face. “He thinks about you so much, too.”

You looked back up at him. If this was the so-called monster part of Hyunsu, then what was his deal? A lot of questions about this situation flooded your head. “What are you playing at?”

He chuckled softly, before backing up just enough to hold up his hands in an innocent gesture. “Nothing as evil as you probably think.” he said, voice steady. “I just wanted us to talk. Just us.”

“Huh.”

“You see, your Hyunsu has an interest in you.” he said, tilting his head slowly. It felt as if he was analyzing you. It was a bit unsettling, but you didn’t bother breaking eye contact this time. “But I do, too. I’d say maybe… Even more than him?” his grin widened at his own words.

“I find it hard to believe you care about people.”

“And yet.” he scoffed, expression dropping to a blank one, seemingly annoyed. He dropped his arms to his sides and sighed. “We decided to work together. Couldn’t have him die on me, it wouldn’t be nice for anyone involved.”

You decided this Hyunsu seemed to mean it when he said they made a deal, just about as much as when he said he had an interest in you. So placing your trust in his bloodied hands for the time being, you tried to be less on guard. He wouldn’t kill you, or most importantly, Hyunsu. That was enough for now.

“Okay.” you sighed, crossing your arms. “So you want to talk?”

He smiled a little. “Yes.” he stated, before taking a step towards you. Only this time, he didn’t bother keeping a safe distance. His face was a touch too close to yours. “I’ve wanted to for a while.”

“You…” you paused for a moment, thinking. “Do you usually go around talking to people while getting so close to them?”

“I don’t go around talking to people.” he mocked your tone before scoffing, a grin pulling at his lips. He brought a hand up to your face, holding your cheek firmly. His focus turned to his hand, eyes narrowing in its direction. You felt his fingers loosen a little, as if he was trying to control how tightly he was holding you.

Which he was. Now it felt gentle. Almost unfitting. Not only that but the Hyunsu you knew was never this comfortable with anything close to physical affection. It felt so out of place.

“Does it bother you?” he whispered, eyes flitting over to meet yours again. He moved in closer, just enough for your noses to touch. He seemed to be having fun switching between looking at your eyes and at your lips. “Am I too close?”

Before you could think of a way to answer, you froze. The unfamiliar color in Hyunsu’s eyes dissipated, the cocky expression you were almost beginning to get used to replaced by a soft, almost startled one. His voice, much quieter now, whispered your name. Your eyes widened and you sighed in something akin to relief.

“Hyunsu.” you breathed out. The latter looked at you with a stunned look, struggling to find anything to say for a while. He looked into your eyes like he was making sure you were okay— Making sure you were really alive. His thumb moved back and forth softly over the skin of your cheek, his gaze scanning you in an almost panicked manner. He sighed shakily, before he brought your face into his shoulder. He seemed to be almost trembling.

“I’m sorry.” he exhaled, wrapping his other arm around your shoulders hesitantly. Still terrible at hugging. You’d missed those awkward displays of affection so much. “I… I’m sorry, it’s been… A very long time.”

“God, you’re so cruel, Cha Hyunsu.”

He tilted his head down into your neck. Now you felt his tears on your skin. He really hasn’t changed, you thought. It was obvious when he came running for help when Yikyung was badly injured, when he did everything to help her and went all the way to look for that kid— Cha Hyunsu hadn’t changed.

“I’m—”

“Quit apologizing.” you huffed, holding him tightly. “I missed you, too.”

Hyunsu sighed quietly, tightening his hold on you a little. He was relieved to finally have you with him again, but he couldn’t shake off his worries.

“You talked to… Him? Right?”

“I did.” you said, pulling away enough to look at him. The concern on his features was undeniable. “And it went fine. It’s okay.”

Hyunsu’s frown deepened. “I don’t know if it’s alright. Me staying… So close to you.”

“Don’t even think about disappearing on me again.” you warned, eyes widening. “I don’t care about any reason you give me— Don’t leave again.”

The boy sighed, averting his gaze for a moment, before slowly bringing it back to you.

“I won’t.” he assured, “I won’t leave you again.”

He closed his eyes and pulled you into another hug. He had to believe his existence on its own wouldn’t cause more problems for you to deal with. He had to trust that even if it did, you meant it when you said you didn’t mind. He knew you did. You always meant it.

He opened his eyes and looked at his reflection in the glass door just a bit further away. Seeing you in his arms should have been reassuring. But the blue hue of one of his eyes and the nagging voice in his head seemed to be laughing at his naivety. He pressed his eyes shut again and buried his face in your shoulder.

This is our priority, now. (I know.) No one else comes first. (I know.) Don’t let them get hurt.

I won’t.

[bandgie]

Cats Galore | Ep. 3

MASTERLIST | Kink: Anal

🗝 The Other Neighbors downstairs hardly raise concern other than their weird fascinations with cats. You don't mind them playing with yours, but you're learning that things aren't as they seem.

4.6k words

warnings: MDNI18+, fem!reader, f!masturbation (brief), pussy play, fingering, 3some, anal, butt-play, PIV, no protection, cumming inside, creampie, finger sucking (m!), reader called kitty/slut, reader wears cat ears, minho is a bit of a mean dom, reader says she's gonna pee (doesn't), squirting, edging (brief), double penetration, boob sucking

notes: fuck, that's a lot of warnings, sorry. I was supposed to post this days ago but I was partying :( sorry, forgive me. hopefully the length makes up for it

“I almost fell down a well earlier, guys.”

The consistent clicking of their keyboard tells you they’re not listening. You’re staring out the kitchen window, watching the rain pour and the droplets race.

“Uh-huh.”

“I would have died.” Maybe that will catch their attention. Chan and Changbin have been nothing but busy-busy the moment they came home. Late. You had to mop the floors when their muddied shoes walked through the front.

“That’s nice.”

You wrinkle your nose, unsure if you should act upset or cordial. They’ve been home for hours, sitting at the tiny table typing away.

Editing to be exact. 

“So, how far are you in the album?”

“Very.” Chan takes off one side of his headphones. “I think we should be able to make the deadline if we stay up.” 

You try not to groan. Music is their everything. You get that. You’ve known that, but there are so many times you feel like you don’t even come second. If you bat your eyes prettily enough and cutely pout, they’d put it on hold. 

But then they wouldn’t get their work done. The stress they feel now would be nothing compared to scrambling last minute to put something together. 

And it would all be your fault because you don’t know how to stop being so clingy.

“That’s good.” You turn from the window and walk over to them, standing behind Changbin and looking at the DAW. You pretend you know what the different colors and lines mean, nodding and pecking his cheek encouragingly. “Looks good too.”

Changin’s already turning his head, pursing his lips so you could plant a kiss there instead, but Chan reaches over and flicks his forehead. “No. Babe, listen, we love you, but you’re distracting.”

“Distracting?”

“I mean, we won’t be able to do our work.” Chan is careful with his words. “Like, I bet Bin has a fucking boner from just you standing next to him.”

Changbin’s lips turn into an upside-down, sheepish smile, “Shut up.”

“Exactly. I promise you, at the end of the week, we’re all yours.” Chan smiles suddenly. His teeth look wolfish in the cutest way possible. “Was the first night not enough lovin’ for you?”

It was more than enough. You can feel Changbin buzzing with arousal just from the memory. It’s not often that your boys like to play rough, but when they do, they make sure to make it unforgettable.

Your dreamy button-boy helped significantly to make sure your lovin’ was sublime. 

“For now.” You shrug, but you grin knowingly. “I’ll leave you two alone then. Don’t stay up too late, okay?”

Changbin purses his lips again when you lean down. This time, Chan doesn’t stop you two from kissing. It’s brief, but Changbin still hums with content in your mouth. Your lips disconnect with a gentle smack and you walk to the other side, doing the same to Chan.

“I’m serious. Go to bed at a reasonable time.” You narrow your eyes. “I don’t wanna deal with a grumpy Bin telling me Chan made him stay up all night.”

Chan presses another chaste kiss. “No promises.”

-

It’s when you want to sleep that it seems impossible. You want to get enough rest. The garden needs to be at least cleaned if you want it to blossom. But the only thing you can do in bed is toss and turn, replaying the events of the day until your mind wanders to Hyunjin.

There’s a small part of you that wants to dream about him again. Even if you have to see his buttons, it would be nothing compared to his cock dragging in your walls. 

He’s big. He has to be. You can remember how it felt against your cunt. The mere warmth from him had your clit throbbing, aching to feel his tip slide against you even if you had just finished in his mouth. 

And the kisses, his kisses. They felt so tender. So warm. You don’t think you’ll be able to recreate the sensation with your fingers, but you slide your hand down your panties anyway. But just when you make it past the dip, finger threading through your coarse hair, you hear the familiar sound. 

Squeak! Squeak!

Are you asleep already? Did so much time pass pretending that you actually did? You don’t know, and you don’t care to find out. The little mouse, just peeking through the crack of your door, is your only worry.

Seems like Hyunjin isn’t the one that didn’t get enough lovin’.

You fling the covers off and rush to the door. The mouse squeaks in panic, scurrying out and down the hallway to the stairs. You know it’s aiming for the little door. You don’t have to question the fact when it leaps over the steps and into the living room. 

Unlike the quiet mouse, your steps are loud, thudding down the stairs and tripping over the carpet. You regain your balance quickly, bumping into a wall and pushing off it for an extra boost into the dimly lit living room.

You don’t even see the mouse anymore, too consumed with prying your fingers through the crevasse and throwing it open. 

Like an old friend, the tunnel beams. It pulsates with life, with happiness, you think. The changing colors are like a beckoning finger that you listen to obediently. The passage feels exactly like it did the other night. Fuzzy, soft, warm, and everything right. 

The lights in the Other living room are just slightly different than last time. A little yellow, a little too pale. It hides the shadow of the couches that seem to glow with life, but you don’t dig too much into the aesthetic. You know there’s a note in the kitchen waiting for you.

This time, it’s not just a note on the table when you walk in, but a kitten headband next to it.

We’re downstairs.

We? You narrow your eyes and cock your head to the side. Who’s we? This isn’t Hyunjin’s handwriting. 

Another line of scribbles reads in a cuter, playful tone.

can’t wait to meet you! pleeasseee wear the kitty ears!!!!! (ㅅ •᷄ ₃•᷅ )

You’d laugh at the drawn emoticon if you weren’t confused. With one hand holding the letter and the other holding the headband, you think. 

Why are you dreaming of this? Who’s waiting for you? Why do they want you to wear a costume? 

It doesn’t matter how many times you ask yourself, those questions will never be answered. Not on this floor at least.

As beautiful as it is outside, you walk down the porch and turn right. There’s an opening with a small staircase leading down, the doorframe lit with pretty lights.

They flash inducingly; on and off in a way that makes it seem like the light is moving. 

They help with your jitters. You know that it won't be Hyunjin behind the door and sure as hell won’t be your boys. Still, you feel some exhilaration when you stop just a foot shy of the door.

It opens before you can knock a third time, revealing two men standing side-by-side. One has brown buttons for eyes, a beautiful complement to his freckled face and blonde hair. He smiles like it’s the easiest thing to do now that you’re here. His lips curve perfectly against his teeth, white and smooth. 

The other’s buttons are a deep burgundy, almost matching his chestnut hair. Only one side of his mouth quirks into a smile that’s closer to a grin. 

The blonde one shrieks with excitement. “Ah! You’re here! Minho, she’s here! Like, here here.”

You laugh, “Yeah. Here here. In the flesh.”

He lights up even more. The flashing bulbs on the doorframe dance on his face. “Yes! Come in. Hyunjin raved about you all day yesterday.” The blonde man opens the door wide enough for you to see the living room blocked by a curtain that he pushes back. It’s massive, adorned with cat sculptures and paintings. Even the couch has a fuzz that seems to resemble fur.

Minho chuckles. “Gosh. He wouldn’t shut up. He falls in love way too easily.”

Their conversation doesn’t click until you’re inside the apartment. You’re too busy deciding to be weirded out or impressed by the amount of cats perched on the wall.

Wait. Did Hyunjin tell them…

“What did he say about me?” You try to sound nonchalant, fingers grazing the soft sofa.

Minho flops on the other side of the couch. “Oh, nothing. Just that he wants to ask for your hand in marriage.” He snickers at his own joke, ignoring the disapproving shake of his friend’s head. 

“All good things, I promise.” The blonde man sits on the opposite side, patting the empty slot between them.

You sit gingerly, far enough that your thighs aren’t touching, but you can feel their bodies radiating warmth. You swear Minho eyes the way your thighs expand when you sit, tearing his buttons away to look at the kitten ears on your head.

“Very good things. He showed us some paintings he finished too, but he said it wasn’t enough to capture your beauty.” Minho smiles at your blush. “I should tell him to paint this too. The cat ears are a good touch.”

“Minho!”

“Felix!” Minho mimics his roommate's tone. “Am I doing something bad?” He looks at you, buttons gleaming with playfulness. “Am I?”

You shake your head. “N-no.”

The way his teeth are revealed is almost predatory. Almost as though he likes the hint of fear in your eyes. “Good. See? Hyunjin said you were a good girl too.” His hands reach behind your head, tucking a strand of hair behind your ear. The tips of his fingers barely graze you, but your skin feels on fire.

You know why you’re dreaming of them. Why you keep going through the tunnel. They must know too, but Minho plays with the ears on your head fondly. 

“I can tell you are. Wearing exactly what we asked you to.” He tilts his head. “I’m not sure if you’ve noticed, but Felix and I have quite the…liking towards cats.”

You turn to the side, facing the differently posed statutes along the wall. “You don’t say.”

Minho giggles. “With you wearing the ears, well, let’s just say we’re seeing if you’d be a good addition to our collection.”

Felix chuckles beside you, scooting just enough so his leg rubs against yours. 

There’s so much you should be worried about. It’s all too familiar with how interesting Hyunjin was. To the underlying tones, the secretive glances they give each other, to the fact that they have you trapped between them. 

But when one of Felix’s hands goes to your inner thigh and Minho’s goes to your other, your heart drums for a different reason.

“I think we should look at your kitty down here to make sure you’ll fit in perfectly.” Felix’s voice is unbelievably smooth in your ear. His tone sends shivers down your spine and you visibly shake. 

He grins like he knows. “Would that be okay?”

You nod, but your ‘yes’ sounds more like a whimper than an actual voice. It’s easy for them to spread your legs, panties on display being that you don’t sleep with anything more than a shirt and underwear. They knead the softness of your inner thighs, cooing and laughing like they’ve got you right where they want you.

“This kitty listens so well.” Minho’s lips brush against your ear. He’s the first one to move towards your cunt, fingers sliding underneath your panties to pull it to the side.

“Ooo,” his breath gives you goosebumps. “And it’s a pretty one too.”

Your pussy feels cold now that it’s exposed. Felix pulls on your thigh so your pussy spread just slightly. He groans, deep and low. He’s quick to spread his fingers into a ‘v’ shape around your lips. 

Minho’s thumb grazes your flesh. It’s such a light touch, barely there if you hadn’t been paying close attention. The sensation makes you jolt off the couch just slightly, choking on a gasp. 

“Sensitive little thing, huh?” Miho smiles against your ear. “Barely even touching you.” His index finger trails along your slit, soon finding your clit. 

“Bet if I touch you here, you’ll get wet real fast.”

Felix does well in keeping your cunt spread while Minho flicks the pad of his finger against you. It takes everything in you not to buck off the couch again. To stop your pussy from clenching every time Minho presses down on your nub.

But just like he said, you can feel your slick sliding down your ass. The wetness must soil the plush couch underneath, but the men don’t seem to mind in the slightest. Instead, you feel Felix’s fingers mingle in the mix.

His digits are so much different from Minho’s. They’re small and much rougher, but the different textures make you find purchase on their thighs and squeeze. 

Felix giggles. “You were right, hyung. She did get wet.”

Even if it weren’t for the obvious sounds resonating in the room, it would be your moans and whines that gave away your arousal. 

“Of course I was right. Hyunjin told me all about you.” The way he says it, like a threat, it should scare you. But his ominous tone makes your eyes roll and toes curl instead.

“Told me you tasted good. He almost came his pants when his tongue was on you.”

Minho stops flicking your clit to maneuver lower. His soft fingers slide until they catch your entrance, prodding and rubbing before dipping in. 

You gasp when he enters you. You didn’t realize how desperate your cunt was to clench on something until it was pulsing around his digit. Your hips begin to rock immediately, trying to find a rhythm with his little finger wiggling inside you.

“F-fuck.” You lean on Felix’s shoulder. “Please.”

Even with your squelching and pleading, Minho slides out. His sadistic smile stays on his lips when you whine, tears in your eyes from an orgasm being pulled away. 

He raises his hand high enough for you three to see it glisten in the light. 

The slick is almost mesmerizing, their buttons locked on the sight. Minho brings the hand closer and you open with your mouth without being told to. 

“I wanna know if he was telling the truth about this too.” But instead of putting his finger on your tongue, he reaches over to Felix. 

His pink tongue is already waiting, a subtle blush on his face that makes his freckles stick out. You watch as Minho’s finger plays with his tongue, running over the smoothness of his teeth and the plushness of his lips.

Felix moans at your taste, hollowing his cheeks to suck diligently. His fingers on your cunt slow in concentration, but you’re too aroused to notice.

A string of spit and slick connects from Felix’s tongue to Minho’s finger when he pulls away. It stretches and breaks easily, causing Felix to lick his chin where it landed. 

His buttons are full of hunger. “Yeah, Min. He was telling the truth.”

Minho laughs with delight. His wet finger goes back to your cunt, rubbing harshly and quickly. 

The instant pleasure makes you mewl, drooly lips finding Felix’s is a spit-covered kiss.  You can taste yourself on him. His soft mouth makes the tangy, metallic taste sweet, tongues diving into each other’s throats.

Felix pulls away enough to speak, but your kisses attack the corners of his lips and throat as he says, “Do you wanna taste, hyung?”

Minho hums in thought, the pads of his fingers swirling over your clit torturously. Your kisses on Felix’s skin slow. You can still taste your arousal on your tongue, Minho won’t have any problem getting a taste if he kisses you now. But when his fingers dip past your hole to your rim, you know what he wants instead.

“I think I wanna play with something else.” Minho uses his free hand to pull you by your hair gently, making you face him. “How many fingers can you fit in here, kitty?”

He presses, harder and harder until the tip of his finger makes its way inside your ass. Your mouth drops at the feeling, unsure if it feels good because it’s vulnerable or because he’s touching something you know is only used for special occasions.

Minho forces them deeper, making you squeal. “How many?”

“I-I don’t know! Three? F-four?” Changbin’s cock is roughly that wide. You recall having him and Chan trying to fit both their cock in the same hole, but there wasn’t enough lube to accommodate their size. 

He moans, soft and pretty. His finger turns into two, and rather than just the tip, you feel him sink to the knuckle. All the while Felix makes sure to play with your pussy to keep your juices flowing to your ass. 

“You dirty slut. You’re perfect.” Minho doesn’t hesitate in fucking his fingers into you. They curl and rub as if it was your pussy, but with how full you are, it feels like it is. 

“Shit. Good fucking ass. You’ve taken a cock in there, haven't you?”

You nod, unable to speak. Your throat can’t do anything but moan. The sounds get even louder when Minho’s fingers slip out, opting to stand and untie his sweats. You only get a second to see his bulge before it springs out, flushed and leaking. He takes his place in front of you, holding you by the knees. 

Minho has a full view of your gaping ass, of Felix’s relentless fingers playing with your clit. You’d be shy in any other scenario, but with the taste of you still lingering on your tongue and the need in your stomach, it’s nonexistent. 

You drool when you see him stroke himself, the throbbing of his cock intensifying. You spread your legs more and let him guide his tip to your ass, holding your breath for the breach.

“You’ve never taken a dick like mine, baby. I’ll make you cum in seconds.”

Felix snorts beside you, but it sounds muffled with the blood rushing to your ears. His cock is warm entering you. Everything feels so much intensified when your ass is used. You can feel every curve and every vein inside. 

His rounded head slips in with ease, especially when Felix smears your dripping arousal down to Minho’s remaining shaft and your rim.

You choke on a sob when his pelvis is flush against you.

“Fuck yes.” Minho bares throat. His head falls back, red neck on display. “Knew you’d take it all.” Even with no eyes, his buttons seem crazed. That burgundy color turning redder by the second.

His pace is slow, still adjusting to how your walls squeeze unbelievably tight and warm. It’s easy to confuse the slick from your pussy coming from your ass instead, but it's hard not to ooze arousal with Felix rubbing you.

Your clit feels on fire. Even with nothing in your cunt, it feels like you’re stuffed beyond full. It’s puffy, swollen, and wet. Felix doesn’t stop rubbing for a second even when you let out a pleasurable scream when Minho picks up his pace.

“Oh my god.” You’re staring at the mess between your legs. “Ohmygod, ohmygod. Fuck! I’m gonna pee. Waitwaitwait.” 

You know it’s not piss, but it’s been so long since you squirted that you nearly forgot you could. The warmth in your stomach builds too fast, too overwhelming. Tipping over the edge never felt so close, yet so far. There’s nothing for your pussy to clench on. Felix’s fingers are moving too fast for your clit to throb and Minho’s cock is bruising into you at a pace that isn’t slow or quick enough.

You forgot how dreadfully good it feels to never come down from your high. To be stuck at the peak because they simply don’t care.

Chan and Changbin always made sure to have you cum over and over, but having your body spam from the lack thereof is a feeling you never want to forget again.

“Yeah?” Minho laughs. “Looks like kitty needs a little more training, huh, Felix?”

Felix yanks your shirt up, exposing your tits and making you bite the material. Saliva immediately begins to pool in the cotton, but then men are too distracted by your tits to care. 

Felix leans into your chest. “Try holding it in, yeah? Minho can be stern when he wants to be.” 

You feel his teeth clamp down on your nipple. How they think you can stop yourself from soiling the couch is laughable. Felix tugs on the peak of your breast and rubs your clit all while Minho pistons his cock in and out of your ass. 

You squirt within seconds. 

Since nothing is blocking your cunt, your arousal flows out freely. Felix’s digits only make your juices fly farther, splattering on Minho’s chest and your thighs. 

There’s a moment where you’re gasping so hard your head spins. All you can hear are the moans tumbling from your stuffed mouth and Minho’s psychotic laughter. Felix tries to help the fountain between your legs by slowing down, but his hyung doesn’t slow his thrusts at all.

“Bad fucking kitty! Now I have to cum in your ass.” His buttons lock on Felix’s. “Did I tell you to stop?”

The tiny fingers resume their harsh pace, but Felix pouts. “You’re gonna tire her out. My cock hurts too, ya know?”

Sanity glints in Minho’s buttons. It’s as if your ass was too good, making him completely forget about his roommates' needs.

He pulls out without hesitation. You groan when it slips from you, feeling like you can finally breathe. 

“Lixie. I’m such a bad hyung.” It’s the first time his voice is soft. Caring. “You want her ass?”

Felix’s fingers go to your hole, your cunt. You let out a drawled moan when his fingers wiggle their way inside. It feels so good to have your pussy filled right after squirting.

“I just want her pussy. You can still have her ass. I know that’s your favorite.”

The roommates share a laugh, talking about you like you’re nothing but a toy. All you can do is groan when they change your position. Your back aches from your legs being in the air for so long, but the pain subsides when they plant you on all fours on the couch, hovering over Felix with Minho behind you.

Felix’s cock is a little thing, so similar to Changbin’s. They don’t share the same thickness in the slightest, but you’re thankful for Felix’s size when they enter you at the same time.

Had he been any bigger, you don’t doubt that you would’ve split. The stretch is porno worthy. Your walls open easily for both of them, their cocks molding their shape inside you. Their pace is so different. Felix is getting used to the feel of your cunt for the first time whereas Minho is chasing his high. 

The thrusts from behind make you bounce on Felix’s dick. Your breasts jiggle in his face so tempting that it doesn’t take long for him to pop a nipple in his mouth.

Like before, his bites and licks encourage you to rock between them. 

Minho has a firm grip on your ass, spreading your cheeks to see his cock bury itself between them. “Your ass is so wet. Feels just like a pussy.” He stills, hips flush against you. He groans when you whimper. “Squeezes just like one too.”

This time, you know you’ll be able to cum properly. The orgasm builds in your stomach until it coils, clenching on the two cocks in warning. 

“Sh-shit.” Felix curses with your breast in his mouth. “I’mma cum already.”

“Mhm.” He grunts, fucking you earnestly. “Good set of holes.”

You choose to take that as a compliment. Your walls are gripping them so tight that it feels as though they’re fucking you in the same place. But when your chest burns and the warmth in your belly finally uncoils, you know it’s Felix’s cock you cum on.

Even though your body freezes to ooze with cream, Minho doesn’t stop. Not even as Felix howls with pleasure or you plead with overstimulation, his cock bullies into your ass until you flood with their seed.

You can’t tell whose cum is filling from where. It feels everywhere, outside and inside. You collapse on Felix’s chest, panting with exhaustion. Minho thrusts a few more times for good measure before pulling out, moaning in the process. 

Felix follows soon after, his softening cock between your and his pelvis’. The warm strings of cum pour from your holes and you feel Minho play with it. Whether or not he shoves it back into your gaping ass or cunt, you can’t tell. 

It all feels the same.

Ding. Ding.

You three jump at the sound of the doorbell. Felix and Minho share a confused look, the older grabbing his sweats and putting his legs through the pant holes. It seems that their visitor requires both of them, being that Felix slips from under you and pecks your forehead.

You suppose this is your cue to wake up.

But as they tuck their cocks away and close the curtains to the living room, you don’t wake.

Weird. 

You’re about to begin counting sheep when something black moves in the corner of your eye. It takes a few seconds for your hazy vision to focus on a cat, the only one moving sly and quickly. 

Unlike the other sculpted cats with buttons for eyes on the walls, this one has blue, normal eyes. Just like the one from the woods. 

“Hmm,” your voice is groggy. “Hannie’s got a cat like you back at home. You must be the Other cat.”

That cat narrows its eyes at you, nose up turning into a sneer. “No. I’m not the other anything. I’m me.”

You blink. Once. Twice. Your eyelids flutter in shock, but your mind is so fuzzy that you can’t be too surprised.

You’re still sleeping after all.

“I see you don’t have buttons for eyes, but if you’re the real cat, how can you speak?”

“Too many questions and not enough time,” his whiskers twitch. “They won’t be distracted for long. They don’t like me very much.”

You snort, “I find that hard to believe. They said they like cats.”

“They like things that listen. They want a pet. And I’m hardly one to behave.”

Talking takes a lot of effort. You can feel your eyelids drooping and your limbs relaxing on the couch, but you manage to peek at the kitty. “I don’t think I’d mind being their little pet every now and then.”

The cat does not laugh with you. Instead, he leaps from the shelves on the wall and quietly lands on the couch, mere inches from your tired face. 

“You probably think this world is a dream come true. But you’re wrong. If you come back here again, we won’t let you leave.”

We. A spark of anxiety lights in your chest. His piercing eyes, the only ones here besides yours, are full of truth. Something about his gaze and mannerisms screams human. “Are you really a cat?”

“I am as much as a cat as this is a dream.” His tail tickles your nose just enough to keep you awake for a few seconds. “Listen to me and do not go through the door again. If you know what’s good for you, you’ll leave the Pink Palace and not look back.”

Like any normal cat, he glares at you one last time. “Or don’t. Afterall, I’m just a stupid cat. Aren’t I?”

[lenaboskow]

so last night i was sitting here trying to clear my writer's block by jumping between wips and then i had a thought: a writing experiment where i write what an "evan begins" ep would look like. and i know what you're thinking-- "we don't want that" but HEAR ME OUT (this was written while sleep deprived but i'm too lazy to rewrite it, bear with me)

"evan begins" isn't actually buck coming to terms with his given name, it's actually the beginning of him losing himself in his relationship with tommy over the course of several episodes (telling everyone that he no longer goes by buck, distancing himself from the 118, getting reckless on calls because tommy, who is as uninterested as we've seen him to be, only seems to care when he's hurt just like his parents).

and eddie. eddie hates this. he just got christopher back, and now buck is pulling away from him, from their family, from the 118, is refusing to be called buck, and won't stop risking his life for no reason. he tries, he tries so hard to get buck to listen to him. eddie never calls him evan, not once, and buck ignores him every time his name leaves his mouth. it hurts, but eddie knows that he can't give in, that he needs to fight for buck because no one else is, has time to because they're all going through their own stuff. but buck helped him get through chris being in texas, and now eddie would help buck get through whatever this is.

but buck isn't making it easy. he isn't talking to anyone, not really, but it's like he's specifically avoiding eddie. that's why it takes so long for eddie to realize what he's doing. that he's reverted back to his childhood attempts at getting attention. and the way he notices? complete accident. eddie's at the hospital, waiting for news (because buck never remembered to take eddie off of his emergency contact list, and eddie would use that power as much as possible until he realized), and tommy shows up. he and tommy aren't on the friendliest of terms anymore, mostly because of eddie's newly identified jealousy, but they make small talk. tommy makes a comment, something about how he and "evan" hadn't had the chance to go out on a date in over a week, and it clicks.

eddie shows up at the loft that night. tommy's there, he answers the door, and eddie pushes past him, heads straight to buck who's sitting on the couch that isn't even comfortable. he stands in front of him, and before buck can ask why he's at the loft, eddie says "i know what you're doing, and it needs to stop".

buck. buck just... goes quiet. the lack of a denial is enough for eddie, and he turns to tommy, telling him he needs to go. tommy puts up a fight, but eddie's more stubborn, and may or may not threaten to call athena (who is not tommy's biggest fan). is it ethical? no. does it have any legal standing? no to that as well. but eddie doesn't care, and it works, and suddenly he and buck are alone for the first time in months. and buck breaks.

he tells eddie everything, how he didn't feel like himself, and that he didn't know why he was doing what he was, but he didn't know how to stop it, how to leave this relationship that took so much from him. he tells eddie he feels like a failure, like a disappointment, and that he feels guilty for abandoning him right after chris got back. feels guilty for abandoning chris, and the rest of the 118. and eddie just holds him.

the next episode is titled "buck begins again", and we see eddie help buck pick the pieces of his life back up. there's a not so pleasant breakup, apologies are made, and eddie is right there by buck's side the entire time.

i don't think, don't want buddie to get into a relationship in this episode, but what i think would be an acceptable ending would be buck telling eddie "i know, and you know, but i'm not ready. i want to be better for you, for us, for me. will you wait for me?" and eddie just smiles, and nods his head. end episode.

[alwayssassydreamer]

Where Do I Go From Here

day 10 of kikitober

SPOILER CHAPTER 1079/ EGGHEAD ARC ep. 1112

A/N: this might not fit perfectly into Kikitober but i wanted to write this so badly until i started and had to stop because i got sad. Not proofread

Part 2 , Part 3

@devilfruitdiaries @lxshoxk

Plot: after his encounter with a certain someone (trying to avoid spoilers) Kid finds himself at an abandoned island, all alone, trying to remember what happened

Warnings: angst, death, grief, regret

Character: Kid

Kid had no idea where he was. All he remembered was the look on Shanks' face as he lay defeated on the deck everything turning black. Now he woke up god knows where all alone. Where was his crew, the ship and most importantly where was Killer?

He felt a sharp sting in his body as he tried to get up. Grunting he managed to lift himself up on his feet. Tumbling he steadied himself.

"The fuck is going on" he cursed thinking of Killer and how his deep voice would tell him to think things trough before going on a rampage. Examing his surrounding he saw an old cottage in the distance.

Should he walk around this island? Go to the cottage? Or should he wait here, maybe his crew will show up. Maybe. Or maybe not. No he had to go looking for his crew. But where should he start?

Sighing he massaged his temple. Best thing would be to think of what had happened. He remembered Shanks appearing right in front of him almost out of nowhere, a harsh attack hitting him, sending him flying until he collided with the mast and hit the floor. Eyes barely open the pain overwhelming his senses. The last thing he saw before everything turned black was the red haired yonko stepping closer.

That's when he recalled hearing his crew mates. It sounded as if he'd been miles and miles away from them barely able to hear what they were saying. But what he could clearly understand was that Killer got hurt, probably as badly as him maybe even worse so. Next thing he heard was...pleading? Someone pleading for the yonko to spare their captain's life.

Fuck! How could that red haired bastard defeat him so easily.

He still had no idea what had happened afterwards. But he knew that it had to be something bad otherwise his crew or his ship would be around here. Why would they plead for his life and then abandon him? No that's nothing they would do. After all they were family.

Maybe a weird and fucked up one but they would always support each other, even die for each other. Die? No that can't be they can't be dead. Why would they? It was him the yonko attacked. Him and Killer. Thinking about this made Kid shiver. His stomach turning , feeling like throwing up. What should he do now?

After some time just standing there staring out into the distance of the sea he took a deep breath when something washed ashore. Was that a piece of the victoria punk? No this can't be? Realization hit him as he picked it up making him freeze. Shaky hands holding the piece that once decorated his beautiful ship. This was bad.

"Where the fuck is my crew!" he yelled out into the distance, falling to his knees. Not knowing if they were still alive was driving him insane. He needed them here, he needed Killer. Killer would know what to do and more importantly he would calm him down, reassure him that the others were fine. But Killer wasn't here.

A cold wind howled around him as he curled his fingers into a fist, suppressing a tear that threatened to roll down his face. "FUCK!" he yelled hitting the ground as hard as he could with his fist ignoring the pain. For the first time since he set sail he felt regret.

"Why didn't I listen to you, Killer?" Kid whispered, his voice barely audible.

He could feel the rage build up. But this time it was different. This time he couldn't blame anyone else - what happened was his own doing. Killer was trying to talk him out of this, he likely knew the outcome. Now he's gone just like the rest of his crew.

And what for? A stupid dream? Just so people would call him pirate king? Proofing everyone who ever laughed at his dream wrong?. What is the point of reaching this dream if there is no one left to share it with.

The wind washed more and more pieces of his ship ashore and the last straw of hope to find his crew alive vanished. The cold reality of loss hit him.

"I'm so sorry" he whispered voice cracking. After all this time protecting his crew mates from every enemy that came along he would have never thought that the biggest threat was he himself. His recklessness, his arrogance, his rage and his pride being the downfall of his friends.

He saw now how blind he was to the warnings and dangers, his pride leading them straight to ruin.

He was left with only memories of the fallen. Remembering the dreams they all had, the laughter, the fights, the victories they shared. Now they were nothing but ashes in the wind.

The grief in his chest was overwhelming, a wave of guilt and pain rushing through him.

Catching sight of something in the water made Kid break.

The white and blue mask washing ashore right in front of him. The mask his first mate, his partner, his best friend wore to hide his laughter. A laugh Kid always enjoyed to hear won't be heard anymore. Only silence.

Shaky hands reached for the mask to pick it up. Looking at it he saw that a part was missing and then the blood that even the sea couldn't wash away. Kid thought that his heart would give out.

Why? Why did he survive while the others had to die? This wasn't fair! Why Killer? He prayed for the sea to bring Killer back and take him instead. But of course this was to no avail.

Memories of Killer flooded his mind - the day they first met and how they always got each others back. All of those sweet times they shared encouraging and comforting each other when everything and everyone else was against them.

This was too much for Kid. He bowed his head and for the first time in years the captain of the kid pirates, member of the worst generation, a man who defeated a yonko, allowed himself to weep.

The sea, swallowed his cries, leaving only the whispers of the dead.

[kymerawrites]

Sir Simon Riley EP.3

Summary: the day after the club, where ghost shows his vulnerability to shym

As I woke up, I found myself lying on a comfortable bed, surrounded by soft sheets. The room was dimly lit, but I could see a few faint outlines in the darkness - a chair, a table, a small window. I tried to sit up, but my head throbbed with pain, and I groaned involuntarily.

My voice felt hoarse, I looked around the room to see ghost standing at the door accompanied by gaz "my head hurts so bad" I squeaked

Ghost immediately stepped closer to my bedside, his voice low and concerned. "You were drugged." he told me. "We found you passed out on the couch

I looked down at at my bed while fidgeting with the sheets "so how did you guys find me? And I still remember a little i just cannot place anything anymore."

"We got a tip that the Shadows would be here, so we decided to check it out." Gaz explained. "We found you unconscious on the couch. After we captured those bastards, we took you back to base and made sure you were okay."

I looked at both of them and felt that gut feeling of mistrust, I felt like they were lying. "You are lying." I said

Ghost raised an eyebrow at my accusation, a hint of surprise in his eyes. "What do you mean we are lying?" he asked calmly, but there was no trace of dishonesty in his tone. "We have no reason to lie to you. We wanted to protect you."

I sighed and looked him in the eye "I know you guys started panicking when I wasn't in that boring bar you guys choose that night."

Ghost's expression darkened at my words, and he stepped closer to the bed, his eyes locking onto mine. "We did panic, because you left without telling us. We couldn't find you, and we thought something might have happened to you. I told you to stay with the team for a reason."

My brows furrowed "you do know I am a fucking soldier in one of the most respected teams in the world? I know how to do my shit alone and I don't condone you telling me what to do lieutenant. If I want to go clubbing I will go clubbing."

Ghost sighed, his expression softening slightly. "I know you're capable, that's not the issue here." he said, a hint of exasperation in his voice. "We care about you, and we just want to make sure you're safe. Going out alone late at night is dangerous." There was a tension in the room as they locked gazes, a silent battle of wills.

As I tried to stand up I lost my stability, Ghost immediately rushed forwards, grabbing onto my shoulders and gently steadying me on my feet. His grip was firm and reassuring, his concern evident in his expression. "Take it easy." he whispered, his voice low and comforting. "You're still in no condition to be walking around."

I looked him in the eye and shifted my gaze towards gaz, "I want you all to leave this instant. And I want to go back to my own room, this looks like some asylum for the depressed." I said hoarsely

The room fell silent for a moment, the tension thick in the air. Ghost stared at me, his expression unreadable. After a few seconds, he sighed and gave a nod to Gaz, who quietly excused himself from the room. Ghost waited until we were alone before he spoke again, his voice quiet. "You shouldn't push yourself too hard right now," he said, his tone softening slightly. "You need to rest."

I looked down at my feet, I was still in my old dress that seems to be ripped by the soldier around my waist "I know.. I just" I couldn't come up with my next words I was at loss. He was right my neck was hurting like hell and I looked worn out.

Ghost reached out and gently touched my chin, tilting my face up to meet his gaze. His eyes held nothing but concern and care as he spoke softly. "I understand." he said. "But please, listen to me for once and get some rest. You're safe now, and the Shadows have been captured. Just take a moment to relax and recover from your ordeal."

I grabbed his hand tightly and put it back where it first was "please leave, the moment I am back to my old state we need to have a conversation about the shadows. Something feels off."

Ghost nodded, understanding my need for space. He gently withdrew his hand from mine and stepped back from the bed. "Get some rest." he said softly. "We'll talk about the Shadows tomorrow, but you need to take care of yourself first. I'll be back to check on you soon." With those words, he turned and quietly left the room, closing the door behind him.

As hours passed, I found my thoughts were consumed by the events of the night. The Shadows...something didn't sit right with me. I couldn't shake the feeling that there was more to this than we originally thought. Someone was pulling the strings, but who? Ghost or Soap could've made a mistake with the information, but those men were clearly looking for me. I couldn't help but feel like I was in the center of something much larger than myself.

After what felt like hours I stood up, I still felt horrible but I started to walk to my own room I carefully made my way to my room, each step a challenge as I fought against the residual effects of the drug still coursing through my veins. The room seemed even quieter than before, and the silence only deepened my uneasiness. I sat down on the edge of my bed, my head still throbbing with pain, and I tried to recall more details about the night's events.

The knock at the door shattered the silence, making me jump in startled surprise. I hesitated for a moment, unsure of whether I should answer or not. The medication they had given me left me feeling disoriented and weak, and the thought of facing someone right now was overwhelming.

I just screamed through the door "I don't want any more medication, this is making me feel like I got hit by a car twice!" I exclaimed

I heard footsteps approach the door, and Ghost's voice filtered through. "It's not medication. Not this time." he said softly, his tone gentle and cautious. "Can I open the door? I just want to talk."

I felt very irritable at the moment "didn't I explicitly told you that we will talk tomorrow, didn't I?"

I heard a sighed as he replied through the door, his voice still gentle despite my irritation. "I know what you said." he began. "But I couldn't wait until tomorrow. Please, just give me five minutes."

Well seems I cannot deny my lieutenant my full attention can't I? Please make urself at home I guess. I forgot I was only wearing shorts and a tank top but I guess no one would notice.

Ghost entered the room, his gaze immediately zeroing in on my attire, but he didn't comment on it. He sat down on the edge of the bed, his hands clasped together in front of him as he looked at me. "You still look a little rough." he observed quietly.

I stuffed my face into my pillow "the shadow company has some good drugs to make you look like this, maybe I should ask for more to the man that danced on me, you know he's a great dancer aside from being our enemy."

Ghost's expression darkened at my mention of the man from the club, his jaw tensed. "That's not funny." he snapped, his tone short and sharp. "He didn't just dance with you, he drugged and attacked you. You're lucky we got there in time."

"Please do not remind me, because of him I look like some homeless heroin addict" I stuffed my face once again in my pillow

Ghost sighed and reached out, placing a gentle hand on my shoulder. "You don't look like a heroin addict." he said softly. "You look like someone who's been through something tough, and that's completely different. We all have been through things that leave scars, but that doesn't define us. You're still the same strong, fierce soldier you've always been."

I didn't respond to that compliment and got straight to the point "well seems ur 2 minutes are already over, let's just get towards the point ghost."

Ghost raised an eyebrow at my attitude but nodded, his expression sobering. "Okay." he said, his tone all business now. "I wanted to talk about the Shadows. Something feels off about this whole situation, and I think we need to investigate further." He looked at me intently. "Do you remember anything else about what happened last night? Anything that might help us figure out what they were actually after?"

I sighed and started thinking hard "well, not anything important. But I agree that the team got something wrong. The shadows cannot have the artifact. I think they're covering for someone else."

Ghost nodded, his gaze sharp. "That's what I was thinking as well." he affirmed. "The Shadows are just the front. Someone higher up is behind this. I can't help but feel like we've been outplayed from the very beginning."

a memory came to my mind from yesterday night, a name.. I started to think and got myself back to the moment he said something about the artifact

Ghost noticed the change in my expression and leaned forward slightly. "What is it?" he asked, his voice low and urgent. "Did you remember something?"

"Do you know what the artifact is called or how it looks like?"

Ghost's brow furrowed in thought, and he shifted slightly, his expression becoming serious. "I've seen some intel on it, but it's very limited." he admitted."

"I do know some details about the artifact we're searching for." he said. "It's an ancient amulet with a deep blue gem in its center. The gem contains a powerful energy source that we believe can be used for both great good and great evil. Why do you ask?"

I sighed and rolled my eyes. "Don't you think this is a little bit of some weird this isn't a world with hocus-pocus magic, I think it's a cover-up for big business or a weapon something that can destroy that artifact needs to be coverup for a drug or weapon. Maybe even human trafficking."

Ghost's brow furrowed thoughtfully as he considered my words. "You might have a point." he admitted, his voice low. "It's possible that the artifact is just a cover-up for something more sinister. Human trafficking, drug trafficking... that would explain a lot." He looked at me intently. "What makes you think that the Shadows aren't acting alone here?"

"The shadows are considered rookies, look at how we beat them that night, they couldn't even kill me when they had a gun right infront my neck"

I showed the blue mark on my neck and continued talking

"their covering so they receive something like respect, or money so the big man can do his business while we are attacking the wrong person here."

"I somehow have a feeling this has to do with me." I stared at my makeup table to avoid looking at ghost.

Ghost looked at me curiously, his eyebrows raised inquisitively. "Why do you think this has to do with you?" he asked, his tone filled with genuine curiosity. "Did you notice something at the club that night that led you to that conclusion, or is it just a hunch?"

"I can't tell you" I stood up and felt a jolt of pain in my upper leg but I tried to ignore it and walked towards my mirror to put my hair into a ponytail but I felt myself losing balance

At the sight of me losing my balance once again, Ghost quickly stood up and moved to my side, bracing me with his arms to help keep me steady. His expression was filled with concern as he looked down at me. "You shouldn't be up on your feet." he chided gently. "You need to rest, and you're clearly still in pain."

My heart started to race again and I couldn't keep this up for any longer, I will hurt the ones I let in. "Please stop..."

Ghost's expression softened at the tone of my voice, his concern still evident in his eyes. "I'm only worried about you." he said quietly. "You're not yourself right now. You're hurt and tired, and you need to take care of yourself." He hesitated for a moment, then spoke again, his voice firm. "Let me carry you to bed."

I haven't felt this vulnerability in years, it's an aspect I do not appreciate in my life. I looked him in the eye "please... stop I just.. cannot."

Ghost's expression grew gentle as he saw the vulnerability in my eyes, and he let out a soft sigh. "Okay." he whispered, his voice soothing. He slowly and gently let go of me, his touch lingering slightly as he pulled away, his gaze softening even more. "But only if you promise to rest. No more getting out of bed until you're feeling better, okay?"

He started to walk away and my head started spinning again, I froze on the spot and breathing felt harder than it should be

Ghost paused as he reached the door, turning to look back at me one last time. His gaze was filled with concern as he stared at me, his brow furrowed with worry. He hesitated for a moment, then spoke softly one more time. "Get some rest." he murmured, his voice barely above a whisper. And with that, he turned and quietly left the room, gently closing the door behind him. As the room fell silent, I was left alone with my thoughts, my body still feeling weak and shaky.

Why did he want to enter my life so badly, what was it about me that made him so caring for me? He isn't like that with anyone else but soap. And now also me. I couldn't understand. No, I didn't want to understand.

Despite Ghost's concern and genuine care for my well-being, I found myself feeling both confused and frustrated by his presence. Deep down, part of me craved the affection and attention I had been deprived of for so long. But another part of me was afraid, afraid of letting him get too close, afraid of becoming vulnerable again. I struggled to shake the conflicting emotions that swirled within me, my mind in turmoil.

[twiishaa]

and the rest was bassically history: track 001. unsteady basslines

🎧 masterlist for this smau 🎸⋆⭒˚.⋆

🎶 currently playing : fe!n by travis scott ✩°. ⋆⸜ 🎶✮

there was around 10 minutes until the curtains rose for COMET’s special performance at the Extracurriculars Fair, but backstage, the group were on the cusp of a disaster.

asahi, their bassist, was nowhere to be found.

it had been like this for a while, he was absent in their conversations online, constantly trying to make his presence smaller in their live performances since, and avoiding anyone and everyone, including his band mates. but they thought it wouldn’t come to this — that, even after everything, he’d still preform with them, they were a team, right?

apparently not.

asahi had never felt more alone than he did now; standing at the back of the building, listening to the havoc wreaking inside. he didn’t want to leave his friends hanging like this anymore but he just couldn’t face the crowd.

the extracurriculars fair, one of the most popular events of the university’s calendar was today, and COMET were set to preform a surprise set at the end. however, after the release of their new EP two weeks ago, the group received criticisms for some of their songs, the hate directed almost all to asahi. he didn’t have the courage to stand up and preform again. he couldn’t take it anymore, breaking down into tears behind the building. pathetic.

semi checked outside one last time, in the audience, and even on the balcony. asahi wasn’t anywhere to be seen. yn followed in close pursuit, almost bumping into semi when he stopped abruptly.

“any luck?”

“yn, we’ve looked here about a million times. he’s not here.”

yn looked down, her eyes filling with guilt.

“what do we do now?” yachi was halfway up the stairs to the balcony.

semi sighed. “we’re just gonna have to preform without him today.”

“what? we can’t do that! asahi’s one of us! the songs are gonna sound so empty without him!” yn exclaimed. semi gave her a knowing look and she looked back at yachi. the three of them descended the stairs to meet with tsukki. he knew what the plan was from their eyes, and nodded.

kiyoko tapped yn on the shoulder. “the last club are wrapping up now, you guys should get into position.” she was always good at reading the room.

“still haven’t found him?”

yachi shook her head. “we’re gonna have to preform without him…” she trailed off after seeing a tall, brown haired boy behind kiyoko. he smiled awkwardly, making an attempt at waving.

“he was backstage and heard about asahi going missing, and apparently he knows the bass line to your songs,” kiyoko started.

“well, i know some so if it’d be any help to you..” the guy tried to explain himself to the four, slightly confused members of COMET.

semi and yn glanced at each other, and then at the others. handing a sheet of paper to him, semi said, “here’s our setlist. i can write down some of the chords if you want here but just keep a steady beat and let me know if you need anything else. there’s a spare bass over there.” he pointed towards a few spare guitars, amps, mics and basses.

the brown haired boy studied the paper after taking it from semi, and bowed slightly. “thank you! oh- i’m oikawa by the way.”

kiyoko looked at yn, and with one glance could tell she was in for a long debrief after this.

🎧 notes 🎸⋆⭒˚.⋆

guys i told you id release it soon

there was originally more, but i thought it would be too much in one chapter so expect track 002 very soon … 😈

love replies telling me what you think!! love you guys!!

🎧 taglist: @turquoisenintendo64 @laughingfcx @riverharkness @walllflowerrrsss @jtaimeurmom @saaavsha-0924 @itsdragonius @tar0star @applemiffi send an ask or comment to be added to taglist!! 🎸⋆⭒˚.⋆

[sophieinwonderland]

Hullo! I have questions? I’m trying to figure out what endogenic systems are, and it’s all decently new to me.

If this ask is rude in any way please void

What is a willowgenic system?

Are median-systems (monoconcious) systems strictly endogenic?

Are dreamaway systems (maladaptive daydreaming systems, MaDDs systems) endogenic? (Curious about this one because anti-endos do not like answering that one)

And last but not least, how does tulpmacy works (idk if I spelt that right)

Thank you for your time!!!

Hi there! Thanks for the questions!

A "willogenic" system is a term for a created system, and is usually used as an alternative to tulpamancy. The big difference being that tulpamancy has a much more extensive community with a masive trove of resources that isn't always connected to the more general plural community.

I don't much like "willogenic" as a term personally as I feel it simplifies the process, suggesting the headmates can be created through will alone.

Tulpamancy generally works, in its most basic form, by talking to an entity in your head until it becomes autonomous and sentient. There are a few different variations of this.

The most popular in the community seems to be starting from scratch. You give your tulpa an appearance and imagine their appearance, but not much else. Maybe you'll imagine a few personality traits for them as well. If you talk to them enough and treat them like their own person, you'll eventually hear a voice belonging to them. It will sound similar to your internal thoughts, but different at the same time. So the job of a tulpamancer is to listen for these voices. Or often before a voice, you may instead sense your tulpa's feelings and emotions in the beginning before the tulpa is actually vocal. (This is usually called tulpish.)

The less popular method, but the most common for producing accidental tulpas, is creating a more-developed character and "parroting," where you speak for them in the beginning. Do this long enough, and that character you controlled initially will develop independence and autonomy. Many tulpamancers end up being writers whose creations become sentient.

The reason for this, I believe, is that a lot of fiction writing involves low levels of dissociation. When you think about it, it requires you to compartmentalize. To feel what a character feels, you need to put all your knowledge and feelings as the writer in one box, and the feelings of the character in a second box.

This is even more true when you start talking to the character, and having conversations with them as yourself.

And no, median systems are not inherently endogenic. There are plenty of median systems out there who are traumagenic, and one could consider certain forms of OSDD a type of median system. Additionally, many polyfragmented systems will describe having median subsystems.

Dreamway systems will also vary in origin. Some are traumagenic. Some are endogenic. And sometimes it's complicated.

Maladaptive daydreaming itself is heavily associated with trauma, but can exist without trauma present. This is because of an addictive quality of daydreaming. And even if the daydreaming is caused by trauma, that doesn't mean that the system is. In a traumagenic system, the system is created by the trauma directly, and the brain basically trying to quarantine the trauma from the rest of the system. In a dreamway system, the maladaptive daydreaming may be caused by trauma, but that doesn't mean the system is.

Dreamway systems, even if the MADD itself is traumagenic, may lack the "EP" or trauma-holding headmates characteristic of CDDs (complex dissociative disorders) under the structural dissociation model.

[whatifyoulivelikethat]

ep 3. take your time | myj, jjk

sugar, spice, and everything nice ep 3. take your time.

pairing(s): yoonji x reader x jungkook

summary: Er, how to put this? The previous mission was a total fail. Min Yoonji can't face Jeon Jungkook after being so overly confident in her plans - so she avoids him. Yup. Surely this means she'll avoid his fuckbuddy too, right? Wrong. The universe must be working against her... or is it?

warnings: rated M (18+) for language; pan!f!reader; pan!Yoonji; internalized homophobia; gay panic + w/w sexual tension; best friend!Jung Hoseok visits; minor alcohol consumption; boiled dumpling Yoonji; f/f/m love triangle? slow burn; minor smut (sex dreams); non-idol!AU - Yoonji's POV

--

She did her very best.

In the end, it wasn’t enough.

It was pretty easy to not interact. After all, scheduling conflicts made it difficult to have the entire friend group meet up. Everyone was an adult with their own lives now, like it or not, and they were all at different stages in life. Still, they made an effort to at least meet up in small groups.

Min Yoonji had started making sure that she wasn’t alone with Jeon Jungkook.

She wasn’t sure if she could look him in the eyes without him knowing something was up. He was spacey, not an idiot. Acted like one, ha, but she didn’t really want him to change that.

Turned out, though, that Yoonji had nothing to worry about.

“Oh, Jungkook? He said he had to cancel last minute. Something came up. But, hey, that kid gave me some money and said we can eat on his dime today,” Park Jimin had laughed, holding out some folded bills. “Can you believe that kid? I tried to tell him we were older than him, but he just replied with, whatever, Jimin-ssi. Rude!”

And, well, Yoonji herself didn’t accept invitations sometimes. She was, at heart, an introvert after all, and at times it was difficult to muster up the energy for a social interaction. She used to feel bad about that, but therapy – and her best friend Jung Hoseok, surprisingly – helped her understand it. Strange that high-extrovert Hoseok was the one who insisted Yoonji to stay home and rest sometimes. Perhaps it was because he could easily sense the disparity in their tolerance for social situations since they were so different. She had always told Hoseok that he was rather wise, but smiley Hoseokie had always laughed and swore it was the opposite when it came to the two of them. She always trusted his judgement, or, rather, his lack of judgement. He had always been easy to talk to. It was rare for him to be without a smile.

Jung Hoseok smiled now, hugging Yoonji without hesitation when she came to pick him up at the bus stop.

“Thanks for spending one of your vacation days to come see me.”

That cheerful laugh stuck the air and Yoonji realized how much she missed the infectious, bubbly quality of it on the regular. “Don’t be silly. And, you know, before this I went to see Namjoonie too.” Bright orange beanie, caramel-colored coat, big eyeglasses with a rainbow pattern printed on the inside of the black plastic frame. Hoseok still had his healthy tan complexion but he seemed more built now, which was a little strange since he had always been a slender, lithe man. That hug had some real strength behind it. “I saw my parents the day before too. My mom cooked me a feast even though it was only a few vacation days, haha! So many plates! If you hadn’t been working, I would have invited you to come to Gwangju but that would have troubled you too much. My dad asked how you were too. I asked him how I was supposed to know when I’m stuck at the base?! He’s so funny!”

Yoonji couldn’t help but smile at his healing energy.

They walked to a restaurant with Hoseok doing most of the talking and Yoonji listening, passively beaming at his presence. She had missed him. She didn’t say so, but she didn’t need to. It wasn’t like her to be sappy anyway. Not without a drink, at least. Hoseok knew, anyway. He would tell his animated stories, lightly holding her arm for emphasis, and at the right time Yoonji would provide the exaggerated reaction, causing Hoseok to double over in laughter, his shining eyes getting crinkly and his mouth forming his signature heart-shaped smile.

They naturally settled back into their friendship as if Hoseok hadn’t been away for months for his mandatory military service.

With Hoseok, it was hard to have any worries.

They sat down, ate, conversed. It would have been nice to have the rest of the friend group there too, and maybe they would have a chance to all configure together later, perhaps at a karaoke bar late at night, but for right now it was only Hoseok and Yoonji. She had asked him if it was possible to have a conversation, but Hoseok had set several hours aside instead and suggested to get dinner.

“Something’s on your mind.”

They had half-drunk glasses of wine in front of them. Their plates were cleared now, and they were patiently waiting for dessert. Hoseok leaned back in his chair and smiled at her. A comforting, gentle one. For a moment, Yoonji looked away. A mixture of embarrassment and collecting her thoughts.

“It’s obvious, hah,” she mumbled.

“Hey, only because I’ve known you for so long,” he chuckled, waving away her doubts. “If it was something you didn’t want to talk about for the sake of hurting others, you would practice avoidance. If it was something you wanted to be asked about, you would come for advice but not forget to treat me first.” Hoseok shook his head, smiling warmly. “But, noona, you know you can say anything to me whenever you want, right? You always listen to my worries right away. I want to return the favor, too.”

She sighed ruefully. “It’s not just for you. Me, too. I can’t say something without working up the courage to it.”

“Courage? Aish. You’re a lot stronger than you let yourself know.”

Hoseok was, as always, wise. Maybe without he himself knowing it.

Sure, Yoonji had been able to push through a lot of hardships. Loving music when her parents had been against it. Bullying at school and trying to avoid troubling her parents with what was going on. Rough financial patches during university where she had to choose between one meal a day or going home on the bus. More than once having to weasel her way out of a potentially dangerous situation that involved alcohol and potential harassment.

But none of these things were love.

Intense attraction. Layers of guilt. Daydreams bordering on delusion. Unseen, intangible, and yet unmistakably there. It made no sense. It made all the sense. She had tried to push the thoughts away, but they always came back with a vengeance.

In dreams.

Yoonji bit her lip.

The dreams.

Even just last night. Another dream that had forced her awake with her blankets twisted around her body like snakes, her heart pounding and shivers all over, breathing fast. Often, her dreams resembled a house of cards, stacks of different images, imagination and memory blending. Thoughts colliding, collapsing into each other, and Yoonji would wake up catching bits and pieces but ultimately mostly remembering the last scenes. The ones that woke her up.

Darkness.

A weight over her eyes. Her breath catching as a soft touch traced her inner thigh. Her brain catching up, the weight on her eyes resembling fingers. A hand. An elegant one. A whisper, smokey-sweet, that became lost to the abyss even though the impact of those words lingered, causing an addicting tingle throughout her veins. Pleasure. Warm and encompassing even though it was only between her legs. Familiar and yet unfamiliar because Yoonji knew it wasn’t herself that was doing it, but effect was the same, if not stronger due to the foreign excitement and maybe slight fear too, not because she was exposed but because there was some level of expectation, wasn’t there?

Nervous?

Of course not. Just because she had never done it before herself didn’t mean she didn’t know how it worked. She had seen enough porn in her lifetime.

Don’t let acting mindfuck you into being unable to appreciate the now.

That was true. She tried to clear her head, tried to simply feel what was happening, and that turned out to be easy. Her breath catching in her lungs as she felt soft, plush lips against her neck. Teeth nipping at her throat. A hand over her eyes and another between her legs, stroking her clit and making her hips flinch with the sensitivity, profoundly aware of how slippery those fingertips were against hot, wet skin, electricity crawling over her chest, short on air, and then.

The hand lifted.

Scorched eyes close, darker with desire.

She couldn’t look away, even as she felt another pair of hands against her side, kneading her thigh and up her torso. Afraid? Shook her head, too nervous to speak and then she saw the tousle of black hair, the two lip rings punctured into the right side of a lower lip graced with a small mole under the center of them.

Her head jerked and Jeon Jungkook grinned back at her, his naked chest glistening with sweat.

Last night, once again, Yoonji had been jolted awake by the shock.

“Hoseok, I…”

Guiltily, she looked up, into inquisitive, bright brown eyes behind lenses framed by black and rainbow colors.

“I think I might do something stupid, and it involves a girl.”

-

The roar of the train tried to deafen her thoughts.

Unfortunately, Yoonji’s mind was a persistent bitch.

Hmph.

Despite it all, she couldn’t even begin to confront the tumultuous whispers within. It was a not-so-complicated problem with a simple solution, as long as emotions weren’t factored into it. As long as daydreams of day dates and nightmares of lost nights weren’t factored into it. As long as Yoonji didn’t sit on the subway using every minute to analyze every tick of the head and struggle to recall exactly how those fingers fell upon each object held, she’d be fine.

She simply couldn’t bring herself to let go.

Yoonji sat against the window, headphones in, clutching her phone as if she was scrolling, but all she could see was the unfairness of life and its impossible choices. Her music had paused. At the moment she didn’t notice for, once again, she was mulling over Hoseok’s words. Not much had changed since her best friend had provided her a listening ear. After some time and more wine, they had chosen to walk along the streets, reminiscing with each step, but then eventually Hoseok brought up the subject again.

“I don’t ever want to see you sad, noona.”

“That’s literally impossible. Sad shit happens all the time.”

“I know it’s impossible,” Hoseok had laughed, and then sighed softly. His cheeks were still rosy from drinking. “I know it’s impossible, but I can’t be your friend and not wish that. As your friend, I’m always on your side, yet I’m no problem-solver either. You were always better at that.”

Yoonji had snorted even though it was unwomanly.

Hoseok had chuckled, not minding it. “There are no right answers in life, remember? You told me that a long time ago when I was having a hard time.” Like waves, her words drifted back to shore. “Life isn’t meant to have correct answers. Life is meant to live.”

Then why did it have to be so fucking complicated?

Of course it would be logical and lovely to stay silent and distant. Of course it would be reckless and exciting to get closer to the flame even with the foreboding threat of trampled sandcastles and broken hearts. Was it better to burned and better for it, or burned into ashes with nothing but the smoke of regret? It would be so much easier living in a vacuum without knowing other people could be affected by her choices, but love was not that kind of space, no matter how vast and endless it seemed. Yoonji chewed the side of her lip, focusing on the tug of velocity from the moving train underneath, searching for the physical sensation to ground her. The train slowed, yet she couldn’t help but be jolted by the stop nonetheless. People filtered out. People filtered in. The crackling announcement overhead murmured out warnings no one quite listened to but everybody knew. Stay away from the doors when they close, keep track of one’s belongings, those standing should hold on as the train begins to move. Next stop was–

Yoonji felt the air being sucked out of her lungs.

If love was not the vacuum of space, then why couldn’t she breathe now?

She looked away quickly. The image had already burned into her memory. Between the business suits and the trendy streetwear stood the instigator of all her current conflicts. Tousled hair, tight little black top, red plaid miniskirt. Oversized leather jacket over her shoulders. The woman leaned against the wall with a relaxed stance. Not a care in the world. What is she doing here? It was quite late but not so late for the drunkards and creeps to crawl out onto the streets. Yoonji, well, she had been working late taking over a shift for a vacationing co-worker. Although the shop wasn’t open late, she had been busy doing repairs. She noticed the heavy black boots and torn fishnets out of the corner of her eye. Her eyes flickered up and she saw something sticking out of the inside pocket of the leather jacket. A swaying black strap with a grey flame, hanging off a shiny black plastic rod with mother-of-pearl accents.

A lightstick?

She froze up as she felt the burn of scorched eyes.

Looked up and Jeon Jungkook’s girlfriend was staring back at her.

Maybe?

The train slowed.

The ricochet in Yoonji’s ribcage ramped up in speed and intensity as she realized people filtering out, people filtering in, and one gliding towards her. She kept telling herself they hadn’t locked eyes, even right up to the moment that she had a good view of that manicured hand, black with red glitter, wrapping around the train strap in front of her.

“Oh, hey.”

A wry smile and light bow.

The politeness both confused and flustered Yoonji. She sat in her seat, the others next to her indifferent to the mild confrontation that was shattering her composure.

“Ah… hi,” was the best Yoonji had.

The harsh overhead train lighting made the tangle of silver necklaces in front of her face gleam and sparkle. She tried not to look, because that would mean staring at another woman’s chest, but she couldn’t bring herself to look at that face either. She tried to appear nonchalant, except she forgot what that even meant.

“Hey, about last time we met,” she heard above her. Soft, silky, and smokey. “I wanted to apologize.”

They were close enough for Yoonji to smell the remnants of a heavy, sweet, boozy fragrance. It filled her lungs and made blood thunder in her ears. She couldn’t, for the life of her, recall what an apology was needed for. Although, she couldn’t form any coherent thoughts right now.

“A… Ah.” Yoonji shifted her eyes. “For what?”

“For being a dick, heh.”

She glanced up.

One of the woman’s arms was in her jacket, the one that was holding onto the train strap. The other was tucked behind her back, causing her hips to angle out a bit from the jacket, towards Yoonji. She had fantastic legs. Not that Yoonji was looking or anything. The other woman cleared her throat a bit and looked sheepish.

“I shouldn’t have said what I said. It was rude of me to pick you apart like that.”

That day in the café seemed like it happened ages ago. “Oh… I haven’t thought about it that way,” Yoonji confessed. She looked down, feeling a little bit ashamed. “You weren’t entirely wrong. I just didn’t want to admit it then.”

“Hmmm.” A brief pause. “The date didn’t go well, then?”

Her hands clasped together. She tried to chuckle to let out the tension. “Hah… You were right that there wasn’t one. The purpose was more to…” Yoonji trailed off. She didn’t know what to say now. Her eyes cautiously flicked upward. Those dark orbs looked down in return, so shadowed they seemed almost black. Burned. An eyebrow raised.

“You really were trying to scope me out, then.”

Yoonji felt her insides wince. “I’m sorry myself.”

A light scoff. “Don’t be. I get it. I give off that vibe, huh?”

There wasn’t a good response to that. She glanced again at the lightstick inside the woman’s jacket. “Did you go to a concert?”

That observant gaze followed hers. “Ah, yeah.” She tucked her head down, and Yoonji noticed the black belt around her waist now. “I try to keep everything on me. Essentials only.” There must be a leather pouch attached to her waist, then. That was why she was keeping a hand on her back.  “Since I go to these events alone.”

She couldn’t help but ask. “Why alone?”

The other woman mused with a pensive expression. “I guess I don’t have many friends that are into the same music I am into. Besides, there’s no stress of looking silly when you’re by yourself. You can enjoy however you like without considering others.”

“That’s just how you are?”

Those scorched eyes locked with Yoonji’s.

“That’s how I’m made to be.”

The sounds around her sounded all muffled. The people around her seemed not all there. She looked upwards with her heart aflutter, her thoughts racing, goosebumps popping up under her hoodie and jeans as Jeon Jungkook’s sort-of, kind-of, definitely-so-damn-hot girlfriend tilted her head at her, and Yoonji wondered why she couldn’t be the cool one, the smooth one, anything but the timid one.

“What brings you out so late?” that hazy, calm voice asked.

“Work,” was all Yoonji could manage.

An understanding nod. “Ah. Must be difficult.”

Not as difficult as this. “When are you getting off?”

The other woman raised her head and looked up to the LED sign. “Hmm, dunno.”

“You don’t know?” Yoonji furrowed her brows. “What do you mean by that?”

“I feel like wandering around,” was the lackadaisical answer.

“Are you crazy?” She straightened, frowning. “You can’t go wandering around at this hour.”

A striking gaze under lashes. “You worried about little ol’ me?”

She scowled. “That’s simply common sense.”

It happened so fast that she couldn’t react. In a swish of leather and chains, that teasing face was suddenly centimeters from Yoonji’s. Eye-to-eye and inescapable. The layered scent of her perfume became more intense, sweet and heavy and boozy, reminding her of Friday nights and bad decisions. That smirk was as annoying as it was arousing, and immediately after thinking that Yoonji wanted to unthink that, but it was too late and she was too fucked.

“Don’t pretend like you want to take responsibility for someone like me.” Her soft breath brushed against Yoonji’s lips. “You don’t like me that much.”

The other woman winked.

She fucking winked.

And as soon as the interaction started, it ended. She stood back up, letting out a soft sigh as she took her perfume away from Yoonji. She glanced at the doors as the train was slowing down again, not saying anything more. It was an ominous comment with an ominous connotation. Unsettling. Definitely dangerous. Borderline infuriating.

No.

Actually infuriating.

“Hey.”

The woman was about to back up, her lips parting, but Yoonji twisted her knee and hooked her leg around the back of those shapely calves, locking her in place. People around them hurried to their destinations, not looking down at their feet, not noticing the shot of tension and challenge between two women. Not that they would know the history between them. It could easily be interpreted as Yoonji helping her friend stabilize from the jerky train.

Those dark eyes darkened.

Yoonji frowned back, not backing down.

The crackly announcement flitted overhead. The train doors closed in unison. The train started again.

“I can’t let you do that,” she said tightly, unsure what the fuck she was doing.

A tilt of the head.

“And why’s that, Min Yoonji?”

There was a low purr in that question. It must be her imagination. She tried not to think about how her heart was doing backflips and quaking in terror from hearing her full name like that.

“I can’t in good conscience let you be so careless.”

They were at a standoff now.

Those berry-stained lips curved into a smirk.

“So your very good, respectable conscience is why you want to interfere?”

Yoonji relaxed her leg. They hadn’t been skin-to-skin because of her jeans, which was a good and bad thing. It was impossible to take a deep breath without being obvious, so she simply didn’t. She didn’t entirely back off though. She should have pulled her leg back. Her little stunt had made those boots take a step forward, nearly colliding with Yoonji’s other knee.

“That’s not what I’m saying.”

Strangely, Jungkook’s fuckbuddy didn’t back off.

“Oh, but that’s how you’re acting.”

No, she wasn’t. “I’m not.”

Instead of answering, spiced perfume and leather closed the distance and placed herself right between Yoonji’s open legs. She started, trying to scoot back in her seat, but it was impossible. No one seemed to notice, or at least no one was saying anything. There weren’t that many people now. The train was reaching the end of the line soon. Plenty of seats were empty and people were shifting to sit further apart as the space was freed up.

Point was, there really was no reason to be closer.

“Ah, sorry. There just isn’t that much space, you know?” Cocked eyebrow. “Hope you don’t mind.”

Yoonji gritted her teeth.

She didn’t know if she wanted to slap that smirk off that face or make out with it.

“I have to get off at the next stop,” Yoonji stated as matter-of-factly as she could. Tch. This wasn’t increasing her blood pressure in a good way. No. This wasn’t what she imagined at all. Yeah, of course people were different than daydreams. The other woman didn’t respond. She just smiled. Knowingly. Yoonji didn’t have a type. Nope. She also wasn’t scared of her either, no matter how hot, no matter how seductive, no matter how many positions Yoonji was putting them in her head right now.

The train slowed down.

That head of tousled hair tilted to the right exit behind her.

“Well, of you go, then,” she said with a resigned sigh and inviting smile.

The announcement overhead crackled. The train began to slow. A couple people stood up, getting ready to leave, accounting for their belongings with them. Headphones on, or immersed in conversation with their travel partners.

Yoonji growled under her breath, grabbed Jungkook’s definitely-not girlfriend’s free hand, and dragged them through the open doors and onto the platform.

-

Yeah, um.

She hadn’t thought this though.

“What was your grand master plan, Romeo?” came the amused, husky tone from behind her.

They were standing at the train platform, with Yoonji’s right hand in her crush’s right hand, wait, no, that wasn’t what I meant, and then she stiffened up when she felt spiced perfume and leather brush up against her back. Yoonji clutched her tote bag with her left hand, spinning around quickly, immediately locking eyes with a mischievous expression. Scorched eyes and berry-stained lips. She twisted her gaze away, trying to let go of that hand, but her fingers got caught in the other woman’s rings and a hand wrapped around her wrist.

“Don’t freak out.”

Don’t freak out?! She bristled but all the woman did was unlock their fingers and push down her silver rings. “You know Romeo and Juliet die at the end of the story, right?” Yoonji snapped to that nonchalant hand, not making eye contact.

“Yeah.” A wispy chuckle. “They’re also sixteen and thirteen, but something tells me you’re way past that. It doesn’t apply, but it did get a cute reaction out of you.”

She glared. Jungkook’s lady friend gave her a cheeky grin.

“You’re rude.”

Was it her imagination or was the tip of a pink tongue tracing that smirk?

“I can be a lot more than that, so consider yourself lucky.”

Either it was very warm in the train station or Yoonji was getting red in the face. She was about to turn her heel but then this lunatic spun around and began sauntering off the opposite direction. For fuck’s sake, what the hell? Before she could think about it too much, Yoonji crossed the distance with her long legs and snatched a handful of that leather sleeve, dragging the woman with her.

“Oh!”

“You don’t even know where you’re going,” Yoonji muttered with gritted teeth.

“Sure I do.” That relaxed tone was beginning to aggravate. “Your scary face is telling me you don’t want me to bother you.”

“My face is not scary.”

“Oh yeah? Then look at me in the eyes, then.”

This annoying–! They had arrived at the escalator. Yoonji let go of her hand and spun around with one smooth motion, checking if her unpredictable travel companion behind her was about to run off again. Her eyes widened when she realized they were nearly colliding. They were occupying adjacent steps. Due to the platform boots versus Yoonji’s sneakers, the other woman was taller. It wasn’t much of a difference, and then the steps of the escalator became more evident, creating a greater height disparity so now Yoonji was looking up into those piercingly dark orbs. She froze, unsure how to react.

A slow smile formed on those full lips.

“You’re not scary. I just wanted you to look at me.”

Irritation flared. Yoonji narrowed her eyes. But before she could spit out her distaste, the other woman spoke again.

“What?  Are you mad that I think you’re pretty?”

Fuck.

She couldn’t maintain eye contact any longer. Her face was burning. I can’t do this. Yoonji quickly turned around, using the excuse of stepping off the escalator to keep her eyes forward, hurrying quickly, not sure if the woman was following or not. It was obvious that she was out of her element. Out of her league, shit. She was playing ball while her opponent had trapped her in a pinball machine, Yoonji being the target, knocked this way and that with whatever obstacle that came out of her mouth, how could such ridiculous statements fluster me that much, and she was aware that she was annoyed yet also unable to stop thinking about that face, those words, and how their closeness had made her heart race just like how her body reacted around a hot guy.

Which was stupid.

So stupid.

“Ah, wait, let me make a stop here.”

Yoonji almost yelped, suddenly yanked by her hoodie sleeve into a small convenience store. She faintly registered that Jungkook’s – oh, for fuck’s sake, her, um, never mind, the woman was picking something up from a far aisle and hurrying to the counter. Paying for the item in a flash and politely refusing a bag while looking like a damn delinquent that could star in a porn movie. What? Yoonji shook her head furiously and was pulled out back out to the train station, right before the entrance to the street, which was how they ended up standing in front of a bookstore closed for the day.

One woman tore open a package of lemon-flavored gummies and the other clutched her tote bag, white as a sheet of paper.

“Want one?”

Yoonji only stared at her.

“Mm. I’ll save some just in case.”

How is this even happening?

“Are you a kid?” Yoonji sighed, feeling annoyed at herself more than anything.

“Are you an adult?” was the chirp back, complete with the same condescending tone.

She shot her an indignant look. The woman raised her eyebrows and popped another bright yellow gummy into her mouth. She was about to snap, of course, I am, but then her witty comeback was interrupted for possibly the nth time that night.

“’Cause, ya know, most adults wouldn’t do what you just did with me.”

Actually, night was better in this case. “Don’t make this weird,” Yoonji mumbled, looking away again.

“Who cares?”

She jerked her head away and stared at the black sky, wondering how she was losing her cool this fucking fast. How could someone be this smart-mouthed, this devil-may-care, this freaking annoying? It was like hanging out with an extra cunning, female version of Jeon Jungkook. It was driving her absolutely bananas on how to feel. Who cares? Hmph, so irresponsi–

Oh.

Oh my god.

“So, what’s the plan, kidnapper?”

Yoonji grumbled. “I’m not kidnapping you.”

“Aw, I was looking forward to being tied up.”

What the fuck? “Don’t tempt me.”

“Why not?”

“Look, are you drunk or something?” Yoonji scowled, gripping her tote tightly and sneaking a side-glance. “You’re just saying whatever you want.”

She was bouncing on her heels, enjoying her sour sweets. “That would be convenient for you, huh, if I was drunk,” she hummed.

“So you’re simply weird.”

A half-smile. “Better weird than putting up a front.”

A short pause. Her anger dissipated a bit. What am I doing? This isn’t like me at all. She sighed, somewhat defeated. Yoonji pondered how she got swept up like this. I don’t like her. But she did. Shit. How did all her buttons get pressed so fast and with such playful aggression? Damnnit.

“For the record, I don’t drink that much. And especially not when I’m walking alone in places. That would be stupid. In fact, I don’t think I’ve had a drink in a couple years now.”

Yoonji didn’t know if she appreciated the clarification or not. “And why’s that?”

No answer.

She turned her head and was given a pointed, disbelieving look.

“Come on. If I’m this irritating now, imagine me drunk?” Cock of the head. “You’d be on the floor.”

In what way? She didn’t respond to that. Yoonji could tell when she was getting provoked. “I’ll call you a taxi.”

A snort. Classy. “I can call myself a taxi.”

“I don’t trust you to get in it,” Yoonji countered, frowning.

“You don’t trust me at all.”

“That’s not true. I trust you to be a smartass.”

A sly grin at her deadpan words. Those scorched eyes glimmered from the low light of streetlamps. “How about this, then?” She folded the little packet of lemon gummies and tucked it into one of the many pockets of her leather jacket. “Let’s go somewhere together. Chill. Have some conversation. I feel like we are grossly misunderstanding each other. I don’t want us stuck like this. And then I’ll go home and pretend to be the good girl you want me to be.”  

You’re the one causing all the trouble. No. She sighed again, realizing it came out a bit shaky. This whole situation was giving all gas, no brakes, and Yoonji didn’t know why she was considering getting on this ride. What was she supposed to do? What was right? And then there was the way she was being spoken to, Argh.

“Too scared, huh?”

Yoonji glared. “Don’t try anything.”

A deep exhale. The other woman shook her head solemnly. “Hah, what are you thinking I would do?”

-

Min Yoonji concluded that she must be the stupidest person on the planet.

It was late, which was precisely why it wasn’t too busy at this hour. It was surely busier on the other side, considering late-night salarymen and odd-hours workers were getting off their shift. But on this side, the women’s side, well, there really wasn’t anybody at all. There were a few small groups of two or three women, crowded in their semi-private spots, but a lot of open space in the warm, medicinal pools of the public bath.

Yes, that was right.

Yoonji was in a public bath with Jungkook’s lover.

Fuck, she was stupid as all hell.

She sat in the bath with a towel wrapped tightly around her body and tried not to stare. A smaller towel was wrapped around her head with a bun twist at the sides. Yeah, sure, Yoonji didn’t have to get fully naked, but it wasn’t like she brought a set of extra clothes with her. Neither had her companion, of course, so renting towels was a must. That was fine. Everything was fine. Her face was ten thousand degrees. So was the bath. Everything was fine.

As soon as the towel had gotten wet, Yoonji had gotten a pretty good look at that womanly waist-to-ass ratio. Plus those perky tits. Slim, pretty shoulders. Pretty obvious why Jeon Jungkook was coo-coo for those delicious curves. The other woman had opted to tie her hair up instead, not wanting it to get wet, oblivious to the few strands that brushed sexily against the nape of her neck.

“Nice legs,” she had commented, keeping her voice low.

Yoonji sank further into the cloudy medicinal bath. “Keep your eyes to yourself.”

The faintest of smiles. “You aren’t good at following your own advice, are you?”

She couldn’t believe that she had gotten cornered into this. She also couldn’t believe that she was acting like a teenager caught with dirty magazines. She also couldn’t believe that her eyes weren’t deceiving her and there wasn’t a monster under those clothes but an actual hottie who damn well knew it. Just her luck. Not that it mattered, considering Yoonji had apparently forgone all logic. Hmph. She could be like that too.

Not right now, obviously. Wrong situation.

“I haven’t visited a public bathhouse in a long time,” that husky voice mused.

“I used to come with my family,” Yoonji replied distractedly. “But it’s been a while for me too.”

“It’s kind of nice.”

She floated a bit, her shoulders still above water, clavicles glistening with dew. In contrast, Yoonji was neck-deep, soaking like a boiled dumpling.

“Don’t have a group a girl friends to go with?”

Yoonji frowned. Sighed. “No, not really. You’ve seen my friends. I’m sure they’ve gone without me,” she added, flicking her eyes to wandering ones. “You?”

A light scoff. “I don’t have people I’m close with.” A quick, fleeting glance. “Unless it’s in bed.”

Crass but honest. This time, though, didn’t seem like those words were said to catch her off guard. She accepted the moment of mercy. “Why is that?”

“Because everyone loves the idea of trying to tame the outcast.”

The steam was nearly as heavy as the silence.

“Being lonely doesn’t make you cool,” Yoonji quietly murmured, watching the ripples in the water.

“Not trying to be cool. Just trying to survive like the rest of us.”

The heat was almost as soothing as her tone, but her words held the weight of a past full of nightmares. They stayed quiet. Eventually, both of them floated to the edge of the pool. Maybe it was an outcast thing. Yoonji thought to offer some consolation, but she didn’t know the words nor what the other woman had been through.

“You haven’t had it easy, huh?” she mumbled to the milky liquid.

“Heh. Has anyone?”

She soaked for a few minutes. Ripples fanning out. Such a small thing becoming so large. She was vaguely aware of arms resting against the side of the bath.

“You strike me as a lone wolf yourself.”

Yoonji shifted her eyes to see a poised hand millimeters above her barely-covered shoulder. She looked away again. “I’m not. I don’t need many friends, but I need the ones I have.”

“I don’t think you’ve always felt like that.”

Damn. She wasn’t surprised anymore though. “Hah… You’re right.”

A wispy chuckle. “What made you change your mind?”

She thought about it. “Before I knew it… I had begun to rely on them. I’m close to my older brother, but my parents… and then my brother went off to university. Started working long hours in a high-class hotel restaurant. I was just the daughter that fiddled with guitars. My parents paid for my music lessons, starting with piano and then whatever instrument I wanted to learn, but I don’t have anything interesting to show for it. And, anyway, you know how it is. I can’t blame my brother for being a son. It was probably because of his support for me that my parents paid for my music degree.”

“Or because you’re good.”

“Even if I am,” Yoonji exhaled, blowing ripples in front of her. “I wouldn’t enjoy standing out.” She ruminated on that a bit. “With the emotional distance between my parents and the physical distance between my brother… I chased a lot of dead ends. Didn’t know where I was headed or where I wanted to go. I don’t know why those guys… Don’t know why they bothered with such a mess.”

“Probably because of your cute face.”

Yoonji scowled and flicked water next to her.

An unbothered laugh. “Maybe they saw something in you.”

Can’t imagine what. “Through school, shared hobbies, friends of friends.” She thought of each of them. It had happened organically, beginning with Kim Namjoon during university, bonding over books and music. “We just ended up like this.”

“Mhm, that’s usually my explanation too when I wake up the next morning.”

A muscle in Yoonji’s eyelid twitched. The implication was obvious. “Is that all people are to you?”

“That’s all people want me to be.”

She said it so casually, so calmly, that those words didn’t seem to hold the gravity that they should. The steam around them curled and snaked in the air. Several women were leaving now, chattering away with their gossip. The whole situation felt surreal.

“You don’t mean that,” Yoonji finally said.

A sigh.

“Sometimes I believe that’s all I am too.”

They listened to people pad away to the sauna. Someone in the corner was getting a thorough back scrubbing. Yoonji snuck a glimpse of a meditative profile. Glistening cheekbones, lips, clavicles. The top of the towel was saturated and stuck to softly rounded mounds that skimmed the surface of the water. She tried not to look for too long. The prominent peaks were noticeable and tempting.

She understood why Jungkook was so attached now.

What?

“Don’t feel bad for me.”

Somehow, Yoonji had sunk nearly chin-deep into the water. “What?” she mumbled. She almost jumped out of her skin when she felt a delicate hand plant onto the crown of her toweled head. Five points of contact. She clutched her body towel in a death grip, as if it was going to be ripped off her.

“I said, don’t feel bad for me,” chuckled the teasing voice beside her. “Getting all emotional?”

She was about to shake off the hand forcefully but it moved away just as quickly as it came.

“I don’t feel bad for you,” Yoonji muttered.

She regretted saying it when she did, and yet it was too late to take it back. Long, agonizing seconds ticked by along with ripples of moving water. She wanted to reach out somehow, but it wasn’t possible to do so. They weren’t that close. She was Jungkook’s, well, his in general. And Yoonji felt the way she did, which was complicated altogether.

The silence was broken by softness.

“You just feel something you can’t quite explain.”

Slowly, Yoonji turned her head.

Curled, damp strands of hair clung to an undefinable expression, framing burned eyes and a not-quite smile that seemed more like a hint than an actual answer. Yoonji was neck-deep in hot water and half-crouching at this depth. Her hands were twisted around themselves. She carefully pulled them apart, looking away, then back, heart racing. The bath was opaque with medicinal salts and herbs. She had to feel her way forward, feeling more confident as she waited for her companion to react.

And then.

There was nothing but water.

“Let me get out first.” There was a slosh of water and Yoonji backed up instinctively, seeing the other woman slink upwards, standing to step out. She quickly jerked her line of vision away from wet towel plastered to prominent curves. “I can endure the embarrassment, heh.” She did not sound even an iota of embarrassed.

Her cheeks flared hot. Yoonji kept her eyes firmly on the water. “I’ll… I’ll finish up and follow in a minute.”

“Take your time.”

Light, drippy steps faded away, leaving Yoonji alone, sinking into the water with only her eyes showing, terrified someone could somehow tell she was red-hot from seeing an almost naked woman. Not just any woman. Fuck. She closed her eyes, screaming in her head. Why does it have to be her? Eight billion people and counting on this planet and this had to happen.

That’s all people want me to be.

Yoonji really didn’t like how that sounded.

Don’t feel bad for me.

This dumpling boiled for a little longer until her redness could be explained away by the heat.

Eventually, she got out and padded off to the locker room too, both startled and relieved that she was alone. She dried off and got dressed, thinking about the undertones of those statements. If she had been a liar, Yoonji would have assured with, no, not to Jeon Jungkook, but that idiot’s actions were the complete opposite. Yes, Yoonji knew otherwise because she had known him for such a long time – but did she, though? How well did she know him, really? She paused, holding her hoodie. She hadn’t been talking to him lately, trying to avoid giving herself away.

The memory of his Instagram post lingered in the back of her mind.

And then the image of those scorched eyes surrounded by steam.

Yoonji pulled her hoodie over her head. She couldn’t pretend to ignore the trees in front of her even though she hadn’t seen the whole forest yet. She looped her hand over the handle of her canvas tote bag. Gathered the rented bath house items, preparing to return them. Jeon Jungkook. The nightmarish woman of her dreams. These complicated feelings she both didn’t recognize and knew all too well. First and foremost, she was a friend. She would not betray that.

She couldn’t bear that.

It took a moment to pay for the rented items and then Yoonji found herself in the waiting room at the front. Sitting at the bench was none other than the one of leather and silver, her spiced perfume faint and replaced with the sweet herbal scent of the bath. She stood up as Yoonji entered, tucking her arms into the sleeves of the jacket and flipping out her hair from the collar. The sides of the oversized jacket flapped open. The lights of the bath house were dimmed for an ethereal glow, and it was just enough light to spot the jutting peaks of large nipples against that tight black top.

Before she could stop herself, Yoonji raced forward in her sneakers and snatched the sides of the jacket, yanking them shut over that chest.

“What are you doing?” she hissed, gripping the leather between white-knuckles fingers. “Are you crazy?”

“Hm?”

Yoonji froze.

She gripped the jacket closed, not looking up. Couldn’t.

“What’s with you?”

Confusion above her. How does she not know? “Weren’t… Weren’t you wearing a bra?” Yoonji tried to ask as calmly as she could, hands shaking as they slipped down to the bottom of the placket where the zipper head was. She prayed the fabric was thick enough so the other woman couldn’t tell.

“Yeah, I put it in this bag the bath house gave me.” There was a rustle and Yoonji perceived a brown paper bag held up in her periphery. She fumbled with the zipper, letting out a puff of air to appear as annoyed as possible. “But all I’m gonna do is go home and go to sleep. What’s the point of putting it back on for twenty minutes?”

“You…”

“I called for a taxi already, by the way. I wanted to wait for you to finish, though. Want me to get one for you too?”

“No,” Yoonji blurted out a little too fast. She cleared her throat and busied herself with zipping up the jacket. “My place is close to here.”

“I can walk you there. Change the address of the taxi.”

She clicked her tongue. “I’ve walked home alone for years. Don’t flatter yourself.”

All of a sudden, a hand caught one of hers in the middle of retreating from the zipper.

Fingers wrapped around hers tightly.

She snapped her head up and became the closest she had ever been to kissing another woman.

They stared at each other for seconds that felt like hours. The hand was warm with slim and elegant fingers, similar to Yoonji’s own. She felt searched. Exposed. Her hair was a little damp from the bath so Yoonji had pulled the hood up to cover it. They were so close she could see the edges of her bangs curl towards those dark eyes. With a start, she realized that meant that the other woman was bent down ever-so-slightly due to their current height difference.

Silence.

She could have said so many things but Yoonji watched her hold her tongue.

For some incomprehensible reason…

The silence made Yoonji’s heart ache.

A small, pleasant smile. She didn’t say anything still. Instead, she took a step back and let go of Yoonji’s hand, letting her gaze stay only a second longer, and then those scorched eyes slipped away, disappearing behind waves of wild hair, out the door and into the street where headlights waited.

Yoonji watched the taxi purr away into the night.

She walked home, one of her hands pressed to her racing heart, a lasting tingle radiating from her fingers.

-

She couldn’t take it.

She should, and she would. But she couldn’t take it, knowing they shared moments that existed only for them. She told herself she would get over it, but some part of her didn’t want to get over it. Some twisted, masochistic part.

Min Yoonji sat in front of her computer and keyboard in the dead of night and composed a song.

She needed something to occupy all of her mind. Or something to explain it all, this strange high and down low all at once. Her sound could never be called overly optimistic, but she tried a bit of a higher key this time, with brighter, chirpy samples to go alongside her keyboard. She just sang words into the mic that came to mind, not really thinking too much about what it meant or why.

It was one of those jumbled tracks that she probably wouldn’t listen back to in a long time, but something in her needed to make it.

She fell asleep in her chair with her headphones still on and her head nestled on her hoodie arms.

She told herself to get over it.

Don’t feel bad for me.

In her dreams, Yoonji wasn’t guilty.

In her dreams, she could watch them. She knew how Jeon Jungkook was around the person he liked. He seemed all tough and cocky, but there was no way he could be. Not to such powerful femininity, and certainly not to kind eyes that had obviously been burned so many times. Jungkook was playful. Gentle. So obviously trapped but acted like he wasn’t.

I could have been you.

Not really.

Could have.

She was lost in her dreams.

Black nail polish with red glitter. Deft fingers gliding over his chest. Fingers tracing his tattooed shoulder, followed by soft, full lips that made no sound. Hands that traced his body, framing him like art as lips brushed against his ear. Whispers of things unsaid. Barely visible under messy hair – dark, scorched eyes shadowed by lashes and lust. Fascination at quickened breath falling from parted lips adorned with a small mole underneath them, right at the center. She continued to watch, transfixed at how they moved like water, seamless and in unison, twisting their bodies to face each other. Lips hovering over lips. Bare shoulders, bare waists, legs over the other, the hand cradling Jungkook’s face elegant, possessive, holding him in place as that wet, pink tongue extended, tracing his open mouth with the tip, teasing him, making him moan softly.

She blinked slowly.

Now it was her holding Jungkook’s face, staring into his lidded eyes.

She tilted her head, leaning in.

Yoonji shot up from her desk, gasping, overturning her lyric notepad and sending it flapping to the floor, along with her pen catapulting across her bedroom. Her muscles screamed in discomfort, cramped from the hunched position, and Yoonji winced, placing a palm on her chest and sensing the layer of uncomfortable sweat that had suddenly appeared.

Her heart ricocheted in her ribcage.

Her face burned. She tried to take in several breaths, pulling her hand away from herself. Slowly. Carefully, as if denying such physical reactions. She spotted the picture frame on her desk. Her and her friends standing next to each other, ages ago. A visit to a ski resort. Jungkook was standing next to her, flashing a peace sign and a toothy smile.

His arm was around her shoulders.

Bundled up, she looked a mix between disgruntled and pleased.

I have to do something or I’m gonna lose it.

Yoonji got up from her desk and flopped face down onto her bed, hoping for a dreamless sleep.

-

ep 4. hey, you alright? sugar, spice, and everything nice

--

min yoonji masterpost | masterpost

[dustedmagazine]

Ian Mathers’ 2024: A milestone, a millstone, a molehill

Los Campesinos by Martyna Bannister

At this point, my fondest wish for these year-end essays is that some day I’ll get to write one that starts by noting we just had a year where it didn’t feel like everything got worse. But 2024 is not that year, and 2025 already isn’t looking good either (up here in Canada we’re looking down the barrel of an election likely to give us our worst Prime Minister in some time, and that is a low bar to limbo under). And yet we keep making art in the face (sometimes directly, defiantly in the face) of all that. Even recent confirmation that Spotify is worse for music than you might have thought simply will not stop the human impulses to create and connect.

And just as with every other year, the variety of ways those impulses were expressed, even just in the medium of music, are wonderfully manifold. If my own listening had a theme it was the unexpected but welcome return. My album of the year was undeniably Los Campesinos! All Hell, where the band I’ve seen play live the most came back after 8 years with what I am increasingly comfortable calling their best album, full stop. I am probably on record somewhere admitting that I don’t tend to like the results when bands follow a record with an EP of stripped down versions of those songs, but LC!’s More Hell (originally bonus tracks, but definitely good enough to stand on its own) feels like the first time in a while I get their appeal. And if you’d told me at the end of 2023 that not only would there be a new LC! album by the end of 2024 but that Underworld of all people would suddenly have a record out (their first since 2016 if you only count ones that could fit on a single CD), I literally wouldn’t have believed my luck, even before hearing the vivid, joyous humanity bursting from Strawberry Hotel.

Meanwhile, although Godspeed You! Black Emperor has been more active than either of those acts, when I saw them live in February I had no idea before year’s end they’d release a record they’d apparently already finished (or that I’d see them again the night of the US election, an experience that is going to stick with me for a while). Admittedly I don’t necessarily make a practice of scanning upcoming releases to see what’s in store. But still I probably would have bet at least $20 at the beginning of the year that none of those bands would put out anything, let alone that they’d be three of the records I played and loved the most. And while they were less unexpected by me, other returning acts like Cassandra Jenkins, Xiu Xiu, and Midwife all set new best-LP benchmarks for me this year.

That’s not to say that 2024 was without new thrills. Sometimes it was from established acts, like finally checking out Chelsea Wolfe after meaning to for years and absolutely loving She Reaches Out to She Reaches Out to She (I know the earlier records are different, but this still means I need to get into them I think) or truly locking in with Water Damage for the first time. And sometimes it was totally new to me like Dis Fig (although I already loved the Body), Whitelands, or Doechii. And then there’s Alan Sparhawk’s White Roses, My God, which somehow felt like it falls into both categories, and is a record I’ll be coming to grips with for a while.

Last year I talked about a change in my personal year-end methodology, and this year it feels right to continue in a similar vein. Cutting down to 20 records left plenty of wonderful ones out, but ultimately, I went for the ones that I kept returning to, the ones I’d push back listening to other albums I wanted to get to in order to spend more time with. And there’s again a further 20 songs, representing ones that didn’t show up on an album, or where I didn’t love the rest of the record as much, or just from albums that didn’t quite make it in. In alphabetical order, with links to my reviews where they exist for the albums and links to videos for the songs. We got through another one; here’s to finding as much good in 2025 and to all of us being back here again with lists of art we loved at the end of it.

20 LPS

Alan Sparhawk — White Roses, My God (Sub Pop)

The Body & Dis Fig — Orchards of a Futile Heaven (Thrill Jockey)

Cassandra Jenkins — My Light, My Destroyer (Dead Oceans)

Charli XCX — brat (Atlantic)

Chelsea Wolfe — She Reaches Out to She Reaches Out to She (Loma Vista)

claire rousay — sentiment (Thrill Jockey)

Clinic Stars — Only Hinting (Kranky)

Doechii — Alligator Bites Never Heal (TDE/Capitol)

Glass Animals — I Love You So F***ing Much (Polydor)

Godspeed You! Black Emperor — “NO TITLE AS OF 13 FEBRUARY 2024 28,340 DEAD” (Constellation)

Hypnodrone Ensemble — The Problem Is in the Sender — Do Not Tamper With the Receiver (WV Sorcerer Productions)

Jessica Moss — For UNRWA (self-released)

Locrian — End Terrain (Profound Lore)

Los Campesinos! — All Hell (Heart Swells)

Midwife — No Depression in Heaven (The Flenser)

Underworld — Strawberry Hotel (Smith Hyde Productions/Virgin)

Vince Staples — Dark Times (Def Jam)

Water Damage — In E (12XU)

Whitelands — Night-bound Eyes Are Blind to the Day (Sonic Cathedral)

Xiu Xiu — 13” Frank Beltrame Italian Stiletto with Bison Horn Grips (Polyvinyl)

20 MORE SONGS

Allie X — “Off With Her Tits”

BABYMETAL/Electric Callboy - “Ratatata”

Bruno Berle ft. Batata Boy — “Dizer Adeus”

Caroline Polachek — “True Love Waits”

Chappell Roan — “Good Luck, Babe!”

Charli XCX ft. Lorde — “Girl, so confusing”

The Cure — “Alone”

Gracie Abrams — “I Love You, I’m Sorry”

High Vis — “Mob DLA”

Kendrick Lamar — “Not Like Us”

Kenya Grace — “Strangers”

Magdalena Bay — “Death & Romance”

Olivia Rodrigo — “obsessed”

Sevdaliza ft. Pabllo Vittar and Yseult — “Alibi”

Shaboozey — “A Bar Song (Tipsy)”

Thursday — “Application for Release From the Dream”

Tommy Richman — “Million Dollar Baby”

Usher ft. Summer Walker & 21 Savage — “Good Good”

Venjent — “We Need Jungle [I’m afraid]”

The Weeknd — “Dancing in the Flames”

[catty-words]

being a lover of music colonizes more of my personality every year, but i do not claim to have refined taste. still, cataloguing my musical life for the past year appeals, so -

albums that defined my 2024

the grandma eps by the front bottoms: on my drive to visit my family for christmas 2023, i fully unlocked my obsession with the front bottoms. in the song "the plan (fuck jobs)", the emotional crescendo is the following line: when my mind is uncertain, my body decides. listening to this chanted at me somewhere in the middle of the mind-numbingly long state of pennsylvania after the sun had already set and i was desperate to stand out of my car seat altered my brain chemistry permanently.

before this moment, i'd appreciated a number of tfb albums. the majority of them even! after this moment, though, every last song in their catalogue was a revelation. i love this band not just as art, but as a confidant and kindred spirit. every time i declare a band to be my favorite, my relationship with that band seems to run its course shortly thereafter. the front bottoms, though, the front bottoms are forever.

anyway, when i got back home in the new year, i downloaded the grandma eps and took my time appreciating each of them in turn. like the rest of the front bottoms' albums, there's not a single song i feel dispassionate about. many times throughout the year, i felt the decisive need to put on ann or theresa and my first time seeing tfb live was for the 10 year celebration of rose. if any album defined my 2024, it was this trio of eps. on those merits alone, 2024 was a good year.

the window (2023) by ratboys: if i'm being honest, though i enjoy this album quite a bit, it makes this list primarily thanks to its title track, which is about the writer's grandparents saying goodbye to each other on opposite sides of a window thanks to covid. it's about processing death and celebrating life. i choke up literally every time i listen to it, and being so profoundly touched by a piece of art is a gift i do not take for granted. hence this album's place on this list.

also, the instrumental break in "black earth, wi" fucks.

if i can't have love, i want power (2021) by halsey: i got into halsey this year because of a todd in the shadows tweet about tortured poets department! i would say it was fortuitous since she released a new album, but i have yet to properly listen to that album. out of the rest of her discography, though, this one wins out as my favorite. i think it has something to do with the way its disillusionment has a certain maturity. or the way the world of the album feels familiar, yet older and more magic than our own. there's atmosphere and bitterness and bops. literally, what more could i ask for?

big ideas (2024) by remi wolf: a grower! i wasn't especially taken with this one when it was first released in may, then by september, i craved big ideas. it hit me out of nowhere and then dogged me through the end of the year. my favorite release of 2024 by a wide margin.

everything seems like yesterday (2020) by the frights: what is it about music from the pandemic* that makes it seep so deep into my brain? there's a certain quality to the melancholy that hits right and hasn't stopped hitting right.

anyway, this was not the first album i listened to by the frights - that honor goes to hypochondriac (2018). and if hypochondriac (2018) hadn't gripped me instantly the way it did, i may have never listened to everything seems like yesterday (2020) and then i wouldn't have been haunted by everything seems like yesterday (2020) at the end of 2024 and then my 2024 wouldn't have held quite the same grey, introspective quality that it does in my mind. i don't want that. i'm glad my year included this messy, chilly album that never overstays its welcome.

*since this album was released in january, it's not actually from a world overshadowed by the pandemic. but in a more honest sense, it's absolutely a pandemic album. i will not be taking notes at this time.

the loneliest time (2022), tug of war (2008), and the loveliest time (2023) by carly rae jepsen: i had already been made an unwavering fan the year before, but in 2024, i cemented my status as a certified crj girlie. she is my pop icon to end all other pop icons. her every album carefully, thoughtfully, and generously lends effervescence and joy to my music listening life. peace and love on planet canada.

gnx (2024) by kendrick lamar: fucking around and becoming a more well-rounded appreciator of music. this is, i am embarrassed to say, the first rap album to which i've given my proper attention and i think it changed my life. i have this distinct memory of walking around the second floor of a barnes & noble listening to "reincarnated" for the first time the saturday after thanksgiving, and the verse where kendrick is in conversation with god literally took my breath away. it was an "oh. oh." moment with an entire genre of music to which i'd previously never opened myself up.

art is beautiful and it never stops giving.

[mad3lyncline]

𝑩𝑼𝑺𝒀𝑯𝑬𝑨𝑫 𝑺𝑬𝑵𝑻𝑬𝑵𝑪𝑬 𝑺𝑻𝑨𝑹𝑻𝑬𝑹𝑺 – 𝑷𝑨𝑹𝑻 𝑻𝑾𝑶 . starters from the 2019 ep 'busyhead' by noah kahan . adjust pronouns as necessary !

𝒄𝒚𝒏𝒊𝒄

i'd change my name to find a space to get some rest .

i'd give my face to find a place to put my head .

this is who we are ; there's no glamour to it .

i cried at the rain but there's no way that i'm depressed .

if i think too hard i'm scared i might lose it .

the hollywood sign don't catch my eye much anymore .

leave it to time to make me feel i'm getting old .

give me the open mind that i had before .

i miss the days when one was better than the last .

i miss the taste of growing pains i knew would pass .

i miss those thoughts and that fear of losing .

i don't know why i see no light in anything .

leave it to life to turn my strengths back into weaknesses .

𝒔𝒂𝒗𝒆 𝒎𝒆

i shut you out just out of habit , i don't know .

i spent five months out here treading water .

now i wonder why you bothered .

why do you keep reaching for my hand ?

do you see something i can't ?

why do you try to save me ?

this fate is well deserved .

i only make things worse .

have i served my sentence ? learned my lesson ?

am i still so selfish ?

do you see my misdirections ?

𝒔𝒊𝒏𝒌

she hates to say goodbye , so she only says goodnight .

she sleeps with one eye closed so she can tell if she's alone .

she's the sunset in the west .

she is sleep when i need rest .

for you , i would never sink again .

i have grown to tell myself a lie and i'll sink .

time slows to let me jog along .

high hopes won't last me very long .

she's the path on which i tread .

she's the shiver up my neck .

she's the blood rush to my head .

𝒕𝒊𝒅𝒂𝒍

you knew me in my spiral .

sometimes i get this feeling i've been breathing someone else's air .

two thousand miles away from home under that sky , i tried to make my peace with fear .

so i guess i'll build a boat and live alone .

i'll teach myself to swim and live in my head .

if i never reach the land or live again , i'll be just fine .

i fell into a pattern where nothing would matter if i didn't care .

it wears me out , all the demons underneath the tide .

i sink like stone beneath the weight of all these dreams of mine .

you can't save someone too far to find .

it's stormy in the sea tonight .

𝒄𝒂𝒓𝒍𝒐'𝒔 𝒔𝒐𝒏𝒈

do you remember drinking in the parking lot by the trailhead ?

i see you for a moment , then the morning comes and it's wasted .

we listened to 'only the good die young' and we laughed about its statement .

we walked in the same direction but we both got lost .

we both got lost in your angst and my impatience .

did you find what you were looking for ? some escape from your skin ?

you know , that place you were dreaming of where all light comes in .

i keep burning my bridges down just to keep you alive .

do you remember looking from the fire tower at the sunset ?

i guess i just got busy ; only saw you every other weekend .

i just moved to the city . hope the noise drowns out the regret .

they tell me grief is just love letting go .

they say they don't know who i am anymore .

i just have never shown anger before .

still haven't found what i'm looking for .

i'll keep growing my hair out long just to cover my eyes .

i'll keep playing that goddamn song if it keeps you alive .

[chiskz]

▶️ 돼끼 GYM (DWAEKKI GYM) #1 & #2 | [SKZ-CODE] EP.29 & EP.30

𝐰𝐨𝐫𝐝 𝐜𝐨𝐮𝐧𝐭: 1.2k

♡taglist: @g4m3girl , @smh-anon , @neohyxn , @stealanity

《 ♡ 》

[ xxx ] - editors' notes

♡ intro

Changbin tries to motivate the members to come in. Chichi is standing next to Hyunjin, making a little ponytail. „But can we not come at all?!" She exclaims laughing. [ members really want to go home! ]

Changbin hugs the members in greeting, then pre-checking the condition of their bodies. When he hugs Chichi, he pulls away surprised.

"What? Her grip is really strong! I hardly felt the difference between her and Bang Chan!”

Chichi smiles embarrassed, the editors add a cute teddy bear sound. [ Bang Chan Junior?! ]

It's time to measure members’ biceps. Changbin wraps the measure around Ichi's arm.

"What?"

"What?" The other members immediately stand by, interrupting the previous activities. Ichi looks surprised too.

"37cm."

Han and Felix sit down slowly. "How much?!"

"How is that even possible?!"

Chichi tilts her head like a listening puppy. "I exercise too!" [ the members never cease to surprise each other ]

Han doesn't believe it and for the rest of the measurement he stands with Chichi in the background comparing their shoulders, the girl continuing to giggle, covering her face.

♡ InBody Test

Changbin holds Chichi's results in hands.

"She really is made of muscles." Chan says, looking over Changbin's shoulder. Changbin nods.

"But there could be more body fat though."

"Then feed me better!" She exclaimed at once as a joke.

"I should start cooking for you then." Minho says and Felix nods.

„Me too.” [ CHICHI, the most spoiled fake maknae ]

♡ Flexibility Test

"Chichi gets banned from this at start!" Han exclaimed, pointing accusingly at her. "Who would win against past ballerina?!"

"Is it my fault?!" She called out in reply as she stood up and she and Han pretend to start a fight. Felix grabs her by the arms and pulls her away, laughing.

"It's Chichi who will be the judge then!" Changbin called. [ a worthy successor to coach dwaekki! ]

"But let her judge by doing the split anyway!" Said Minho, and Chichi gave him a terrified look. "Let her suffer with us!" [ one for all, all for one… ]

So, Chichi watched members’ matches all the while doing splits on the floor. Seungmin walked over to her and patted her head.

"Don't worry. You were always short anyway." [ dwaekki gym or chichi roast? ]

♡ Planks

Minho took several breaks during it, so he unofficially failed the task. Of course, he couldn't be alone in this. When Chichi was doing an exercise with Hyunjin, Minho sat on her and she fell to the floor in surprise, and she started to hit the floor as a sign that she was giving up. [ someone save this baby tiger... ] / [ "why is everyone bullying me today?!" ]

Fortunately, both were great at jumping rope, so further sabotage was unnecessary.

While Han is jumping (or trying to) on a rope, Chichi and Seungmin in the background are trying to get on one of the machines (which of course could not be physically climbed, but who will stop them?). During one of the close-ups of Jisung, a loud bang is heard in the background. In the next shot, Chichi and Seungmin are already sitting with the others, next to each other, holding back their laugh.

♡ Beginner or Advanced?

Chichi was placed in the Advanced group even though Minho, Hyunjin and Jeongin were in favor of putting her in the Beginner group. [ bullying Chichi continues… ]

♡ Beginner Level Training

As Seungmin, Changbin, and Felix do demonstrative squats, Chichi sits down with Hyunjin on one of the treadmills behind them.

"This is a better view than in a fruit shop!" She exclaimed in delight, Hyunjin laughs loudly and claps. [ what is she talking about? are butts like watermelons or melons? too many questions... ]

Chichi watches Minho and tries to do a squat, deliberately falling to the floor in the process.

"Coach, can you help me too?" She asks, pouting out her lower lip pleadingly.

"You don't need help!" Changbin called, gesticulating. "We all know you don't need help! You don't even belong to this group, get out!”

Chichi lowers her head pretending to be sad and leaves the room. [ failing to get attention from the coach ]

* EP.30 *

Han and Chichi dance tango in the background, doing a million unnecessary pirouettes. Changbin speaks about each member.

"Chichi."

Chichi immediately runs over and stands to attention, pretending that she wasn't fooling around earlier at all.

"Chichi exercises regularly, right?"

"Right."

"And she trained regularly in the past as well, right?"

"Right."

"That's why you should all follow her as example."

The editors used the teddy bear sound again as Chichi smiles sheepishly, puffing out her cheeks slightly. Han and Jeongin pretend to have a cough, in the intervals of which "nerd" and "teacher's pet" is heard.

♡ Bench Press

Chichi massages Jeongin in the background as soon as he finishes his barbell warm-up, then unfazed, she does hers. When after the warm-up it was time for real weights, Chichi lay down on the bench, pouting and puffing her cheeks slightly in thought.

"60kg? 60kg…”

"Too much?" Chan asked immediately.

"Not at all!" she laughed. [ don't underestimate the spirit of the tiger! ]

Changbin glances at Chan, then back at her.

"80kg?"

"Mhm. Let's make it 80kg."

So Chan adds weights and stands behind the bench where her head was to belay her while Changbin stood over her with his legs spread apart, with her lying on the bench between his legs. Chichi flushed her cheeks, laughing nervously.

"Yeah, I feel much safer now!"

Changbin lowered his head immediately, his blush and small cute smile were not visible on the camera.

♡ Deadlifting

"I do not like this." Chichi laughs lightly as she stands next to Jeongin and rubs her wrists. "It's a bit too boring for me."

After advices from Felix, it was her turn. She took the right position and moved her eyebrows significantly towards Chan, who immediately understood what was going on, with a smile. He added weights again and in this exercise Chichi also lifted 80kg. Changbin belayed her while standing behind her, but he looked away from time to time, pressing his lips into a thin line [ even coach dwaekki was speechless? but why? ]

♡ Squats

"I love squats." Chichi starts jumping in place like a rabbit. "That was my specialty!" She exclaims happily, the editors put a squeaking sound under her jumps [ advanced group seems a bit livelier! ]

Chichi walks over to the barbell and assumes the position, glancing behind her back at the other members. "What? Won't you cover my butt?!"

"No."

"No. There is no need." Han announced and along with Jeongin and Chan they sat down behind her to get a better view. [ Stray Perverts? ]

♡ Eating & Drinking

Changbin hands a shake to Seungmin and Chichi sitting next to him. After unwrapping her gym gifts, she and Han play volleyball in the background with a massage ball [ some kids have short attention spans... ]

"My New Year goal?" Chichi thinks for a moment. “I would love to get back into doing barbell squats. I forgot how much joy it gives me. I focused on other exercises and neglected them a bit. I would like to go back to them and beat my previous record of 95 kg.”

"I'll help you." Changbin replied as soon as Chichi finished speaking.

Chichi covers her face with her hair immedietely [ coach dwaekki, always ready to help! ]

《 ♡ 》

[brokenmusicboxwolfe]

Warning: Venting, moaning, and spoilers ahead. Enter at own risk.

You know, after watching 73 Yards I had a LOT that I wanted to write about. Stuff about the themes like abandonment, but also about science fiction vs fantasy, the need for answers vs the desire never to know, eerie atmosphere vs cool rationality, blah, blah, blah.

But I’m a week too late. That’s old news now, it’s Dot and Bubble time. And I don’t have the time and energy to say much except…

OMG! Did RTD always have such an unrelentingly bleak and cruel vision of human nature??? I mean, okay, we had a woman heroically staying to take care of babies in the goofy first ep, but we also had a world that would abandon a bunch of babies to die. And the last two episodes…

73 Yards depressed me in a way no Doctor Who ever has. I’ve seen every episode that still exists, seen the recons of the lost, listened to every Big Finish audio over it’s first 14 or so years, and read the “wilderness years” novels like popcorn. I mean, I have absorbed so damn many Doctor Who stories in every medium that I wouldn’t know how to count them. Some were dark. Some were depressing. Some were miserable in every way.

But this….

73 Yards made me wonder if there was no damn point in me keeping on living.

Ruby’s plight resonated far too deeply.

Alone and upset she makes the mistake of stepping of going into pub where the locals, in a display of cruelty **that reminded me why I never go into small local places, deliberately scared and then mocked her. Then her life gets soooo much worse as everyone she loves and everyone she turns to for help ends up turning on her. She isn’t merely abandoned, she is treated with complete disgust and with not even a hint of compassion to soften it. She is haunted by the “ghost” of herself, an embodiment of both a mistake of her past and her future death. This “ghost” becomes her only companion as her life speeds on to the always lonely grave. Every birthday is her all alone, no friends, no family, just her and her always distant “ghost” self. And then she grows old and “dies”. Always alone…

99% of my time is alone. I have no friends to turn to. Every friend I ever got close to ended up leaving me. Heck, even online friends always just go away without a trace. I’m in a rural area where the community I’ve lived my entire life had never made me feel included. Back in school once a year I’d get shunned for not being a Christian as they rediscovered it, and the rest of the time there was mere bullying, mocked and belittled, for all the other things that marked me as an outcast. My family were outcasts too, for that matter. My family, where Mom is the only one left who loves me, just a frail voice on a phone I can no longer reach out to. My brother has openly wished me dead and doesn’t want me setting foot in his home, telling me constantly how worthless and disgusting he finds me. Everyone else I’ve loved is dead or gone away. Every birthday is alone, and I’m increasingly aware I’m spiraling to my own death…

No one. Never anyone. Never able to make new friends. Doomed to isolation unto death. No friends. No family. No help. Just me and…..me.

Yeah, it got to me. Ruby gets a moment of using her pain for good, and the reward of a do over. But that’s fiction. My “ghost” self offers no chance to do good, and when I die I will simply rot away (or burn, if whoever gets stuck with disposal duty decides to cremate me. They’d probably just flush me down toilet if I would fit! LOL)

And I thought, ok, maybe that’s just me. Maybe most people won’t feel borderline suicidal as escapist entertainment rubs salt in very open wounds.

But then I thought about the harsh cruelty of the world in the story, the complete lack of warmth and hope. Hell, our heroine stands by and lets a young woman get (strongly suggested) abused by a man she KNOWS is a baddie simply because she needs to prove that that baddie is bad enough to deserve what she is about to do. So even Ruby is a terrible person deep down, tainted by a world devoid of love to the point of treating people as test subjects.

Okay, this is bleak stuff. Great episode, even if I am ambivalent about that all fantasy/no explanations take on Doctor Who.( It also joins things like Grave of the Fireflies on my “Great but NEVER watch again!” list. ) But it’s surely won’t be so dark next time.

Oh dear.

So in Dot and Bubble we get a world of the young and privileged living in their social media bubbles (oh, very subtle), completely unable to function in the real world to the point of being unable to walk.

Okay, that’s not bleak. A bit cynical and harsh, kicking an easy target, but dark comedy material. And the obnoxious gal we are following will surely come to her senses, learn to connect with people, will be grateful for help, and…

Oh. OH!

This is THAT kind of story. Where we are reminded that people are essentially selfish and shallow, where they do things against their own best interests out of things like snobbishness, and the one decent human being we meet is doomed to death by betrayal.

Okay, now the question is, which do I find bleaker. The “you are doomed to always be isolated” episode or the “most people don’t even deserve help” episode.

People complained about the ending of Boom being sappy, but TBH it was kinda a relief for Moffat to pop in and say “Ok, look, love will give you at least a pseudo happy ending now and then. Now don’t go slitting your wrists at the utter nastiness out there…”

And the RTD whispers “I’m not saying slit your wrists, I’m just saying that if you do no one will care. The hysterical laughter at snot monsters and musical diva gods is just the universe having a nervous breakdown in the dark, but that’s fun, isn’t it?”

I’m not saying I think these episodes are awful! Just to be clear, I’ve enjoyed stuff about all of them! I haven’t hated any of them (No, not even Space Babies with their poor little freaked out faces and ill fitting CG mouths creeping me out) And if you don’t feel depressed after these recent episodes I’m very glad. Really. I just wish I had YOUR brain!

It’s funny, after an era where I complained (quietly) about poor writing I am now complaining (loudly) about the horrible mood the better writing is putting me in!

Yes, I will keep watching, trying to hold onto whatever light I can in the darkness. But I can’t say I’m looking forward to being miserable every time. I’m not sure I’m actually having fun. My life sucks enough lately, and Doctor Who making me feel worse is something I NEVER expected to have to deal with.

**Note to self: be glad you can NEVER go to Wales! Yeah, my grandma had a penpal from Wales. It was a lovely old lady she met while they both rested on a bench in the Smithsonian Natural History Museum. I met her and she was quite nice, even as little me withered in shame hearing grandma, in her lifelong childlike innocence, tell an embarrassing detail about me. I rationally know people from Wales are just people. But after that pub scene…

[kymerawrites]

SIR SIMON RILEY EP.2 (Ghost x OC)

Summary of ep 2: shym goes secretly to a club and needs saving (also on wattpad)

I turned on the showerhead and started with my shower routine. I felt this kind of uneasiness in my whole body, was ghost right? no, it couldn't be.

I am a woman, an independent one, if I wanted to go out even while being shot in my arm I was going to go out, nothing could stop me.

I couldn't understand his worry. Why would he be so worried he's only my lieutenant. I cannot make this more as it is, he's my boss and it shouldn't grow something more than that.

After 10 minutes I was done, showering and putting on one of my favourite dresses. It was a beautiful black dress, yet I felt great and sexy in it. I knew I would get looks and that's what I was going for tonight, I will just go with the flow. Nothing else, as I left my barrack, I saw all my teammates looking at me.

Ghost stood in the back, his back leaning against the wall and his eyes firmly fixed on the floor. He was wearing a plain white shirt, jeans and a leather jacket.

The entire team was stunned by her entrance, their eyes widening in surprise as they took in her form. Their shock was palpable, and a small murmur of whispers and gasps filled the room.

Soap was the first to move, slowly shaking his head and letting out a low whistle. "Bloody hell, she looks gorgeous."

As I walked towards the rest of my team, I thought all the eyes were on me it felt amazing in the back I saw ghost, he looked very reserved, and then I saw Soap and Gaz cheering me on.

It seems everyone was happy with my suggestion for a night out it was needed in the team we were all very tense with the task we were asked to do and I had a feeling; that tonight I would get an answer if the artefacts were retrieved or not, maybe some more information about the other opponents and who they are.

Ghost's eyes widened as the rest of the team began to shower her with compliments, their voices carrying loudly across the room...but he wasn't listening. He was too busy watching her, watching the way she moved, the way her body looked in that dress. He couldn't look away even if he wanted to..but luckily his mask hid his expression.

After a moment, Soap approached him and clapped him on the shoulder, breaking the trance

"Damn, can you believe that?" he asked, grinning from ear to ear. "She looks like a bloody damn angel!"

After admiring her for a moment Soap seemed to return to his senses and he put an arm around her shoulder, a mischievous grin on his face. "Looking beautiful, love," he said with a smirk, looking over at the team with a proud expression.

I smiled at  soaps compliment "thank you Johnny, I appreciate that."

"Now then... shall we get going?" Ghost's voice cut through the chatter. He pushed himself off the wall, his eyes scanning over the group as he began heading towards the door. "Let's get a move on." he said firmly, gesturing for them to follow.

I knew their routine they would find a boring bar with nothing else than a pool table and some music. But I wanted to go to this club just a few blocks away, club soleil.

Once I saw that everyone was going in the bar I ran out of sight and when I knew no one could see me I walked towards club soleil.

I found a few girls right outside the club vaping and smoking, it seems they saw me looking and one of them walked towards me.

"What is such a pretty girl doing all alone here! Come join us, the more joy we have tonight!"

I smiled and thanked her for inviting me to their group. Another girl looked shocked at me

"I don't know who you are but your body is amazing!" She exclaimed

I almost started blushing and thanked her for the compliment "thank you, do you mind if I can have a sigaret?"

She smiled back "not a problem at all! What is ur name?"

I was thinking about a name fast, as they couldn't know who I was before questions arises here I did not know if my opponents where here "seraphina"

After that we made our way into the club and I started dancing

They had just stepped into the bar when Ghost suddenly stopped, his head tilting slightly as he scanned the room. Something felt off to him. He could sense that something was wrong, but he couldn't quite put his finger on it. He looked around, his eyes narrowing as he tried to figure out what was missing.

Soap let out a low groan, clearly not impressed with the location. "Great." he muttered sarcastically. "The same old boring bar with an even more boring crowd."

Then finally it hit him, his eyes widening in realization. "Where is she?" he muttered under his breath, turning to the rest of the team.

The atmosphere was electric, filled with the sounds of music and laughter echoing throughout the room. The dance music was loud and thumping, the bass booming through the floor and up through their bodies.  She lost herself to the music, her body moving in time with the rhythm, her hips swaying as she let the energy of the crowd wash over her.

And then a man started dancing on her, no name no face just enjoyment

" what is a pretty lady like you doing here?"

My hips swayed even more on his body and as I turned around I told in his ear "I am with a group of girls, I just wanted to dance for a little"

The soldier's hands grasped her hips tightly, his grip like iron as he pulled her closer to him, his breath hot against her neck as he pulled her closer. His mouth found her skin, his teeth nipping and biting as he whispered in her ear. "You look beautiful tonight...I couldn't help but notice you the moment you walked in."

And then she heard his voice, it sounded familiar. And then it hit her, it's the man who was a part of her teams enemy. I tried to keep my cool and started talking "and what are you doing here? Any special occasions being in town?"

The soldier's eyes flashed with recognition at her question, a small smile tugging at the corners of his lips. He spun her around, his arm wrapping around her waist as he pulled her even closer. "No special occasion." he said, his voice low and dangerous. "Just enjoying the company of a gorgeous woman." He leaned closer to her, his mouth close to her ear. "And I must say, you are quite the sight for sore eyes."

"I see.. are you alone?" I looked into his eyes they looked dangerous, and I knew what was going to happen.

The soldier chuckled, a deep, sensuous sound that sent shivers down her spine. "I could ask you the same thing." he said, his voice low and husky. His hand slid up her back, his fingertips tracing small circles along her skin. "But I won't." he added, his thumb brushing against her chin. "Instead, I was hoping you'd allow me to buy you drink?" he offered, his eyes gleaming with desire

"I would love to.." at this moment I felt stupid for leaving my teammates. Will they even know where to find me? I need to get back to Simon and the rest of the team, I didn't know that this soldier was capable of.

I looked on my phone and saw a missed call from my lieutenant. I just sent a sun to let him decipher the message

The soldier's eyes flickered over her phone for a moment, his expression turning unreadable. "Expecting someone?" he inquired casually, his arm still wrapped around her waist, his touch possessive

"You know nameless guy, I think I should make my way back to my friends.. thank you for the drink though" I walked off into the crowd and luckily saw a girl I was with earlier until I felt a hand on my waist.

The soldier's grip tightened on her waist, and she found herself being effortlessly spun around to face him again. His expression was unreadable, but there was a cold edge to his voice as he spoke. "Leaving already? The night is still young, and I was just getting acquainted with you," he declared, a small, almost predatory smile tugging at the corners of his lips.

Until I thought I saw the familiar cold and stern look of ghost behind him. I already drank a bit from the cocktail the mystery guy bought for me and already and instantly felt sleepy and ill. "You fucker put something in my drink.. I know who you are.."

The soldier's expression hardened, his eyes narrowing to dangerous slits. Without another word, he let go of her waist and stepped back. His hand reached for something hidden beneath his jacket, pulling out a sleek black handgun, the barrel gleaming in the dim light of the club. "You're smarter than you look." he drawled, the cold smile never leaving his face.

Until I heard my teammates from the back scream "Don't you dare shoot her!" All I heard was commotion while I felt everything spinning around me

The soldier's eyes flicked upwards at the noise coming from behind him, and he slowly turned his head to see the rest of the team closing in on him. "Looks like I got company." he drawled, his thumb cocking the pistol's chamber. "I guess this is where I leave the party." His eyes shifted back to her, his smile sharp as a razor blade. "I was hoping to get to know you better, but that will have to wait."

I felt anger within me, but I felt too heavy to do anything. What was the purpose of that man drugging me? With all my strength I grabbed is shoulder and asked "why did you drug me? Do you know who you are messing with?" He looked at me like he didn't care and put his pistol on my neck. The whole club was running away from the scene all scared of what would happen.

I looked scared and defeated, I didn't bring a knife or a gun to protect me as I thought It wouldn't be dangerous tonight

The soldier smirked and his grip on her tightened, the tip of the pistol digging painfully into her skin. "You're a feisty one, aren't you?" he taunted, his eyes gleaming with malicious glee. "But you're in over your head. The Shadows are not someone you want as an enemy, missy."

I closed my eyes like I would let fate do its thing until he fell to the ground and saw soap and ghost infront of me, all the other teammates fighting the other people who where here.

Ghost was a whirlwind of motion, his fists moving fast and furious as he struck out at the soldiers around him. He moved with deadly grace, incapacitating his opponents with a precision that was awe-inspiring to watch. Soap fought alongside him, his own fists a blur of fists and kicks. The chaos was almost unreal, bodies flying through the air and crashing to the ground with brutal force.

Until gaz picked me up "shym what happened to you?" I was developing a blue mark from the gun against my neck and I felt too weak to do anything. "Captivate them all.." I whispered to gaz, "leave me on the couch and make sure the shadow group will be taken into custody."

Gaz nodded, his expression serious. He carefully helped her over to the couch in the lounge area, where she could sit and regain her composure. "You stay here." he instructed her firmly. He turned and made his way back into the fray, helping his team capture the rest of the Shadows soldiers.

I sat on the couch what felt like hours until I heard the sound of a gun loading behind me. I didn't dare to look.

The sound of a gun being cocked sent a chill down my spine. I slowly turned around to see Ghost standing behind me, his weapon trained on me. I could see the anger and frustration in his eyes as he spoke. "What the hell do you think you were doing? I told you not to go out tonight, didn't I? Why can't you just listen for once?"

My eyes started tearing up, I haven't felt this vulnerable since the night that made me the woman I am today. And then I broke down in tears "just shoot me already." I said trying to catch air.

Ghost's expression softened slightly, and he lowered his weapon, taking a step closer to me. He reached out and gently touched my chin, tilting my head up so I had to look at him. "I'm not going to shoot you." he said, his voice softer than before. "I just... I don't want to see you get hurt."

I am not hurt Simon. I wanted to just go out! I started screaming in his face tears still running down my eyes I couldn't stop crying "can't you see I want to enjoy life? You know how I hate choosing to become a soldier for fucking god sake."

Ghost's eyes widened in surprise, clearly taken aback by my sudden outburst. He watched as my tears rolled down my cheeks, my body shaking with sobs. Without a word, he sat down beside me on the couch and gently wrapped his arms around me, pulling me closer to him. "I'm sorry." he muttered. "I just... I worry about you."

I calmed down little by little "why worry? Do you fancy me Simon Riley?"

He let out a small laugh, a soft chuckle that rumbled in his chest. He reached up to wipe away a tear that had escaped down my cheek. "I've fancied yo-"

somehow couldn't hear what he said and saw all these dark dots form in my eyes, i felt like i was about to pass out. That man did something strong in my drink. And everything went black.

Ghost felt her body go limp in his arms, her head resting against his shoulder. His eyes widened in alarm, and he quickly shook her gently, trying to rouse her. "Hey, hey, wake up." he called out urgently. But it was no use, she was unconscious.

[mislamicpearl]

Thoughts and favorite moments from LMK S5 eps 6-7:

Spoilerssss

Aww Mei wanting some alone time with MK is so cute, love this friendship.

But her screaming "I CALLED DIBS" at Wukong had me dead. XD

Lol our favorite British oni brothers are back, and still dumb.

When Nezha is onscreen I short circuit, he's so cute when he's angry haha

Wukong throwing a whole stall at him and laughing, still taking every chance he can to bully his little brother/cousin. 😆

Nice, MK talking things out instead of just letting them waste more time fighting!

And gosh I just love Johnny Yong Bosch's voice acting for Nezha! I don't usually like anime dub VA's but he really fits the role with how he manages to always sound serious but emotional when he has to be at the same time.

Nezha mech! We got a Nezha mech!

Honestly, the Guardians saying there's not enough time for a trial and that the gang should just take the stones is pretty worrying.

Ohhhh their outfits from the poster were prison uniforms, not death game jumpsuits like I thought lmao

AWWWW BABY MK!! And hey don't skip on the rest of that memory, I want a full freaking episode about Pigsy first taking him in!

Still teasing us with what his actual name is.😩

Listen, I love pretty much everything about this show, I do, but it's not always flawless, and honestly one of the things that's starting to get a little tiresome to me is how it's become more and more unsubtle about MK's inner turmoil and trauma. And one of the ways it's done this that's annoyed me the most is the constant use of the Lady Bone Demon's last words to MK. Like, don't get me wrong, that line was really cool the first time it was used. Key word, the first time. I don't know about anyone else but I already knew that line was significant without it having to keep echoing in MK's head in season 4, and now we're getting it again in season 5? Along with the almost just as overplayed "harbinger of chaos". Lines like these are more effective the LESS they're used, or at the very least alluded to rather than outright repeated over and over. One echo during a turning point scene would've been enough. This is reminding me of when the Become speech practically turned into a meme in the Trollhunters movie (though still not nearly as bad as that). Okay rant over.

SPEAKING OF MEMORIES THAT WE NEED TO ACTUALLY SEE THOUGH AGJPJMGAJTM GIVE US THE WUKONG AND MACAQUE FIGHT ALREADY!!

MACAQUE'S EVIL LAUGH OMG!!

AND WUKONG WAS CRYING?? Seriously I thought he was just wiping his eyes because of blurry vision but my sister made me go back and pause it again and it's true YOU CAN SEE A TEAR!