#I need them to kill each other looney tunes style.

[cak31ssuperi04]

uve prolly gotten this before but y ship the blondie and oreoy,,,, curious

Is this about Izuchi and Sagara??

For what little we see of it I like their potential dynamic. They're so particularly annoyed by each other. I like that most of Izuchi's presence in the story shows him as a hyper-smart prodigy who thinks he's better than everyone, only for him to get lame and pathetic in Sagara's 3rd event because the competent bonafide genius is weak to the Weird Anime Kid. She's able to bring him to her level and cracking through his ego, which is maybe more fragile than he lets on. He's stubborn and likes challenges, and she wants her unhinged mad scientist antagonist-figure to clash with. He acts like he's above the petty rivalry but folds after one childish insult. If that's all it took, and if Nanashi had to get between them this time, I 100% think this happens regularly and has escalated before. They're silly.

They're both jaded teens who have an inflated sense of self-confidence. They do what they want without regard for what people think(though I will draw the distinction between how she's just kind of annoying and he's actually harmful) and end up detached from them without much of a drive to change that, but they take it in different directions, with Izuchi being pragmatic and serious and Sagara being a chuuni who's easygoing and kind of making it up as she goes along a lot of the time. He's arrogant and will wrong others to further his research but can be capable of and willing to help others(re. Meru's event). She ultimately means well and is a nice person but will casually threaten strangers and target people because she thinks they're weird(her dialogue regarding him as an organization member indicates that she doesn't seem to actually know about any of the legitimately shady shit he does and just messes with him because the genius schtick is bizarre. Again, Kind Of A Bully Maybe is really not on the level of Human Experimentation but then the game doesn't treat that very seriously either. And also Sagara's still capable of knocking him on his ass)

It definitely would take some sort of development for them to come to like each other or for romance to come into question, but I think it could be fun. They'd challenge eachother. She'd keep his ego in check and make him see the value in things that aren't strictly logical and he'd act as a voice of reason(to an extent…) and help strike some balance between reality/fantasy, but they still wouldn't really care about what people think. Menaces always.

[moonshynecybin]

The current motogp grid is put into the hunger games who is winning?

so easily marc it is NOT even funny.... as babynflames has said if he got trapped in a situation where he needed to lop off a limb and it wouldnt effect his riding he'd get that done instantly np. he is insane he loves winning he EASILY compartmentalizes his other competitors as obstacles that he will shove aside in REAL LIFE let alone fictional hunger games world. hes taking it i fear. but he WILL come out the other side deeply scared both mentally and physically... maybe he DOES have to lop off his arm and they give him a prosthetic but sometimes it aches at night and he shivers...

anyways yaoi alert below the cut for those interested:

its the all-victor QUARTER QUELL where shit gets saucy in my opinion! vale as a fellow mentor... a well-liked victor that marc idolized as a kid who's been paraded around like a pony ever since... known for how fun (read: not fun comma scarring) his games were (vale was like 17 fuck ass bob big neon yellow tribute uniform internally screaming desperately playing to the cameras to survive. maybe won by doing equal parts looney tunes style pranks and his absolute ruthless efficiency with a blade.)

so him and marc see each other once a year for a few weeks around the games (similar to motogp they DO have to continually revisit the places they were most traumatized every year huh) and start a lil smth... gravitate towards each other when theyre both trapped in the capitol... wake up in each others beds most mornings and share looks across tables when the capitol socialites start soliloquizing... but they know cant do any more than that bc theyre in different districts (also: trauma.) so they keep it as casual as they can, even if marc's breath catches in his chest sometimes when vale looks at him, and when vale wakes up at home its with an arm reaching over the place in his bed he knows marc should be... and the capitol maybe doesnt know theyre fucking but IS certainly selling the friendship between two of its most popular victors to the cameras HARD... it is known that they tend to chat. it has been noted that they giggle. the panopticon has noticed the marc-being-a-weirdo-in-press-conferences stare.

anyways so the quell hits and marc gets reaped along with vale (who has been quietly supporting rebellious activity for years... gathering strength and numbers.... talking to the other aliens... using his icon status to sway the districts... ) and vale KNOWS the capitol will use marc against him. knows that they know he cares about him. knows that theyre doing this to get rid of them both—keep him in line. (actually in this scenario maybe marc pulled a katniss berry move to keep both him and alex alive. accidental revolutionary icon lol) and keeping marc close will only make the capitol try even harder to kill him which he cant STAND. and all marc knows is that suddenly vale pulls away hard, cold and abrupt. starts talking madddd shit about him in all of his interviews and press... and marc thinks vale is doing it to hype himself up to kill him in the arena and it KILLS him... he thought he was in tragic star crossed love... but he also keeps trying to convince himself he can bring himself to do the same when the time comes, even if it feels like a hole in his chest.... he has to get back to alex. so its awfullllllll until they get in the arena and (INSERT CATCHING FIRE PLOT WHERE THEY BUST TF OUTTA THERE...) and when marc wakes up, blinking and pale and groggy and without his prosthetic, vale is holding his hand by his bedside. and in a low, hoarse voice he starts to explain....

[chamomileteainabuttercup]

Thoughts regarding "The Apostate" and "The Mines of Mandalore"

I really wasn't impressed by the way this season began and I've been thinking about why.

Season one and season two do a very similar thing with their first episodes. I call it "I told you that story so I could tell you this one." Season one, this story about a stone-cold badass bounty hunter on the grey side of the galaxy far, far away is just the set-up for a story about family and love. Season two, this story about slaying a dragon and saving a small town as a side quest to finding a Jedi is the set-up for a story about deep life-changing friendship. Each closes with a twist, one introducing a brand new character who may remind us of an old one, the other bringing back an old character of whom some of us have never really got enough. This is a great season-opener structure for a show like The Mandalorian!

Season three really whiffs this.

The first episode is oddly short and inconclusive and feels like a bunch of bits stuck together. While the S1 and S2 openers are "I told you that story so I could tell you this one," they are each a fully-formed, interesting and satisfying story in and of themselves. Then the second episode takes the one thing that seemed purposeful albeit sorta out of left field about the first, Din's determination to revive IG-11 because he was his friend, and simply discards it. Peli convinces him to settle for a different droid. That's it. I don't appreciate feeling droid-baited!

Grogu had to see IG-11's semi-corpse reanimated and dragging itself across the floor with one arm trying to kill him only to promptly suffer a second death Looney Tunes-style for nothing. The cute scene in the Anzellans' workshop? For nothing, gratuitous. I'm not sure I even believe any more that the pirates are going to be back! The only part that turns out to matter is the scene with Bo-Katan.

If only Bo-Katan was ever going to matter, you could have had a far better season opener by removing virtually all the stuff on Nevarro and combining the first two episodes into one long one. Then you would have the same structure and the same switcheroo effect: This story about a quest for redemption is actually going to be about... Din getting to be a horse girl with an aquatic dinosaur?

In that way, it wouldn't feel quite so pointless that what was set up to look like the mainline quest of the season, finding the Living Waters in the mines and dunking Din, is out of the way by the end of episode 2, as it was only ever a set-up for a bigger story.

This still wouldn't truly please me, it would just be far better structurally. I wouldn't be really happy with it because:

I like IG-11 and would rather we were going to get some more time with him.

I don't particularly like Bo-Katan. I never get the impression she's really done the kind of self-reflection she needs to understand her true role and responsibility in everything that's happened. She's static as long as she doesn't do this and it makes her uninteresting and frustrating to me. If we got a more in-depth conversation between her and Din earlier on that made it clearer that she's despondent, that she feels like a failure not even worthy of redemption, that Din tries to encourage her to join him but she refuses because she's in too deep of a funk and only the news that he's in big trouble because of his dumbass quixotic quest that she refused to join him for manages to galvanise her into getting out of her Moping Chair and into action - then I would find it more satisfying.

Why should it be Bo-Katan? Why couldn't it be someone (if not IG-11) with whom Din has a warmer relationship? You know, like the ones developed across the past two seasons plus The Book of Boba Fett, which suffered badly from being not quite its own thing and not quite The Mandalorian season 2.5?

Even if we had to have Bo-Katan couldn't we have Boba too? The conflict between them and the ongoing exploration of very different styles of Mandalorian would make everything more interesting. Also, Din fucking owes Boba a couple of episodes. Also also, Temuera Morrison is handsome and charismatic.

Other points I wish to gripe about:

R5-D4 as a replacement for IG-11 didn't even make sense. How is an astromech droid suitable for spelunking? He can't climb. He doesn't have thrusters to let him ascend or descend without clambering. IG-11, being more humanoid, could climb or use a jetpack to maneouvre in the same way as Din and Grogu and thus accompany them into the more dangerous area where he would have been very helpful. What's more, when they get to Mandalore, Din has R5 take a sample of the air at the top of the civic centre complex where there's free air flow from the outside and decides from this that it's safe to go inside! He's going into a mine where there could be pockets of toxic gas much lower down where R5 can't sense them. It's all a lot of busy-work that ends up meaning nothing and doesn't make sense on its own merits. Your story should not make viewers think "Wait... so all that was pointless?"

The whole Mines part felt like they'd come up with a really cool setting with fun monsters, like a dungeon for an RPG, that they wanted to use and that was it.

HOWEVER

Din and Grogu's relationship and interactions this season so far are really adorable and I want more time for them.

[shuihuzhuan]

my honest review of helluva boss after getting stupid with a couple friends and watching it all the way through because weve known each other for years and think tht kind of thing is funny is that it's, like, decidedly mid but like at a point on the mid scale where i can wish that it was decent. like if you redesigned all of the characters (because its not that some of the jokes that weren't just "hey we can say the word fuck did you know?" werent funny they were just coming out of the mouths of character designs that gave me carpal tunnel to Imagine drawing much less animating) and gave the script another pass with, like, maybe a professional writer who could refine it so they don't say fuck every four words and took out that one episode that entirely retconned the main relationship that viv wants you to root for it could be like. fine. middling show that airs on adult swim late at night and only a few people end up catching. you can tell it's a side project developed much later than hazhotel and that works entirely in its favor: vivziepop still can't kill her darlings but at least this time she's less attached to bullshit she probably made up in high school. it gets to sidestop most of the problems with hazhotel because of its smaller scale & the fact it simply does Not dwell on the whole "yo why are all of your sinners marginalized people" thing like it simply does not have the chance. and also they're not major characters so they're Not.

the show's biggest problem is just how ridiculously yaoibrained vivienne is - which results in the classic sidelining female characters & just... like, fucking up the characterizations of both them and the guys she wants to ship whenever she feels like it'll make the former or latter party feel less or more sympathetic respectively whenever it's convenient. like initially stolas' wife wants him dead and/or divorced because he's an asshole cheater. like, yeah, that's how it works, but later it's just like Well actually no she's just hated him and tried to get him killed looney tunes style the Whole Time they've been married which on paper is kind of funny but it's, like, come on man this guy sucks. he's an asshole that couldn't give less of a shit about his family. you're told that his only redeeming quality is trying to keep his family together because he cares about his daughter but then in the episode dedicated to him and his daughter he simply does not show it, instead spending the entire thing hitting on the main character who, in the context of what we're shown in that story, embodies the whole "he's a piece of shit but has the one redeeming quality of giving a shit about his daughter" INFINITELY better than we're supposed to believe w stolas. it's fascinating.

theres generally just a lot of Tell Don't Show going on when it comes to retconning these things. this is getting long sorry so basically ill just say all of the episodes written by people who Aren't vivziepop are like. honestly i'd go so far as to say like. decent. i think she needs to just kill herself and give her shit to someone else or something man idk

[twinsoftriumph]

HEYYYY GUESS WHO'S FINALLY CONTINUING WITH THEIR OC POSTS its my wasteland duo.... the sillies who also have a bit of history slash drama except not as dramatic

irusin wears the weasel mask and some base game cape idfk which one maybe green. or something. and base game long pants except modified to have a waistband thing. and also overactive overachiever hair

their bag is meant to look like the prop bags except i think the bottomless bag trope is funny so thats exactly what they have. please also pray for their spine

notorious misuse of magic. big fan of fucking around and finding out. definition of curiosity killed the cat except theyre apparently unkillable (incredibly frustrating for some people) (also this is a joke. you can kill them if you try hard enough)

lies for fun about little things. why not. but once you get to know them enough you will eventually learn that they are pretty honest about things that matter and will omit the full truth at most

likes to nab belongings here and there. definitely against their moral code to screw over moths but thinks some other people could stand to get knocked down a peg or two. this is based on an entirely subjective vibe check

they are also, however, someone who needs to get knocked down a peg or two or more. VERY into the fake pathetic act. if you see someone who seems to be a scared awkward lanky weirdo asking to accompany you just be nice and you'll probably only lose a spell or two.

irusin totally tried this on pohoko when they first met and was met with an expression that was both impressed and incredibly not amused with the audacity

pohoko has the lunar new year hair, some cape i actually forget LOL i think it was meant to be a belonging cape but i might change it to one of the beta season capes, anxious angler outfit. i think i intended her to be maskless

pohoko primarily hangs around treasure reef.

pohoko voice imagine a life without fishing.... now slap yourself and never do that again! (hobby assigned purely because i think its funny)

pretty unfazed by a lot of stuff. kind of hard to be when the place where you fish has some horror story light creature corruption lore and Beasts In The Water

shockingly easy to get along with despite first impressions. pretty ride or die and thus quite the grudge holder in the case of something going wrong (case in point: irusin)

unsolicited advice giver except you cant really get mad because it makes a lot of sense and is well informed. consequence of being a frequent vault visitor

a little scary. genuinely smiles in the face of trouble! what could possibly be going on in that head! maybe its an edge of arrogance?

i dont know what happened between them. i know theyre my ocs but i dont know. love and light. just know theyre probably trying to kill each other looney tunes style

[astaroth1357]

MC Comes Running at the Demon Brothers for a Tackle Hug

Here's your daily dose of fluffy goodness. Nothing big, just somethin’ cute that I wanted to write real quick. May write an Undateables for this one. Brought to you by: Symphony-Clean Bandit & Zara Larsson for that extra sweetness.

Check out the Masterlist for more!

Lucifer

…… Do you have a death wish or just enjoy playing Russian Roulette with fate?

Smacking into Lucifer at top speed feels kind of like slamming into a thick tree trunk Looney Tunes-style. He grunts and gets pushed back a few inches but remains standing just fine.

At first, he keeps his arms half raised and hands very much off of them with an annoyed expression. He is not a hugger and definitely not going to be in the mood after an ambush...

“... Care to explain yourself?”

When the MC insists that they want a hug he considers just how much damage they’d be likely to sustain if he threw them off… then thinks better of it.

Sets an arm around their shoulders and gives their head a small, but affectionate, pat. They're not going to get much more than that from him, though.

Mammon

Jeez, are ya trying to kill him?? I mean, you can't. Not with a puny human body anyway, but still.

Boy has the reflexes of a cat so he already had his arms out to brace himself and catch them before they could barrel into him at full ramming speed. Good thing too, because they probably could have knocked him over otherwise.

He holds onto them tight, almost as tight as they are to him. Lucifer himself probably couldn’t separate them...

“H-hey MC, what the hell are ya thinkin’?? Can’t ya give me a warning or somethin’??”

Is acting mad, but secretly relishing that they’re so close to him and willing to show him that much affection.

Would LOVE IT if they did this in front of any of his brothers. See?? They actually like him too, damnit!!

Leviathan 

AAAAH!! GET OFF, GET Off, Get off, get off-... Oh wait, this is actually kind of nice…

Was just barely able to stay standing when they collided. Had to brace himself against a wall.

Freaked out and tried to pry their arms off of his midsection at first but stopped after slowly starting to realize that their touch wasn't going to burn him alive.

Turns into a blushing boi and hesitantly hugs back, he's stiff AF so it's a little awkward but he's trying.

"H-h-hey n-normie…! Warn m-me next time, o-okay??"

Whether they do or not, he'll never try to reject one of their hugs again.

Satan

Wanting a hug is one thing, but couldn’t it have waited until his arms were empty…?

The MC came running at him from behind and latched onto his back, arms locked firmly around his chest.

It's amazing he stayed standing, but the books in his hands end up on the ground…

His rising anger got cut off surprisingly quickly by their arms tightening. When they stated that they just wanted a hug from him, it went away completely. Just what kind of effect does this human have on him, anyway?

Pulls them off long enough to turn around and return their surprise embrace.

“If a hug is what you wanted, try coming from the front next time, okay?”

Asmodeus 

Babes, he's already running at you. Better slow down!

The two smack into each other, lock bodies together, and spin around until they both lose balance and fall over.

Better bet there will be kisses involved. Pecks for days over their cheeks, neck, forehead, really anywhere he can get his lips on. Man will not be outdone in the Overly Enthusiastic Affection department!

“Awwe MC! Are you really that happy to see moi?? Of course you’d be!”

Keeps them there for as long as he can. Doesn’t matter if they’re in public or not.

Would love for this to be a regular occurrence, heck, he’ll be running at them from now on anyway,

Beelzebub 

Pffft, a buffalo could probably charge Beel and he'd still stay standing. What exactly do you think you're going to do?

It's like ramming into a boulder, the dude is sturdy. He doesn’t even budge an inch.

“Huh? MC? ...Need something?”

He couldn’t help but chuckle when they sheepishly asked him for a hug back. How could he say no?

Wraps his arms around them and picks them up a good foot off the ground without any trouble. Boy is a snuggler and he’s going to enjoy every moment of this.

This becomes a regular habit of the two. No matter how fast they run, Beel can take it and dish out twice the amount of love they give right back.

Belphegor 

Congratulations, you have now just mowed over your first cowboy.

Wasn't expecting it at all and just woke up from a nap so his reflexes were shit-slow.

They both end up tumbling to the ground, smacking their heads together and he is NOT happy about the sudden head trauma.

"Gah! Hey… what's the big idea..??"

Locks his arms around them and pulls them close. It might seem like a hug, but actually it's a cage.

He has no intention of letting them back up until his head stops throbbing… or until he wakes up from his next nap. Whichever comes first. 😏

[ask-prime-starscream]

Beast Wars/Machines Review

I finished Beast Wars a few weeks ago and then binged Beast Machines because I NEEDED to spend more time with the characters I began to love so much!

This is the first Transformers show where I liked the “Autobots” more than the “Decepticons”. Yes, I legit liked the good guys more. I still can’t believe it either.

Maximals:

Optimus Primal is a good leader who doesn’t lash out when one of his bots gets a little cheeky. He also has no problem with admitting when he had been wrong about a thing.

Rhinox is part Ratchet and part Ironhide. The second in command who keeps the people straight when the leader cannot. I guess they made him evil in Beast Machines because they didn’t know what to do with him anymore. 

Dinobot is the honor-obsessed, Armada Starscream-esque character who leaves the bad guys right in the beginning and joins the good guys. Forever. That makes him already better than Armada Starscream who left the Decepticons because Megatron is an ass, but then returns because what the fuck.

Cheetor is the Beast Wars Bumble Bee. Fun-loving youngster. He later gets a leading position when Optimus gets too stuck up in his spirituality. Similar to Prime -> RiD2015.

Rattrap is a rat, but a loyal and funny rat. I hated him so much in IDW, it was hard to peel that hatred off to finally enjoy this character.

Tigatron and Airazor have been a boring couple in IDW and now I know that they also started out as a boring couple. They walk on a field of flowers and suddenly hold hands and decide they love each other. Okay. I’m all in for love in a Transformers show, but that was... *yawn* I guess the creators thought so too because they both get beamed into space and out of their bodies right after.

Silverbolt. The heck is that abomination, I thought. Half wolf, half duck, half robot? Then he became my second favorite character.

Depth Charge is the Ultra Magnus of the show. Comes in late, is an unlikeable ass and nobody knows why he was even added. Unlike in Prime they have at least the balls to kill him off in the end.

Tigerhawk is the rebis of Tigatron and Airazor and yes, I watched Castlevania and that image of the man-woman-fusion scarred me for life. Thankfully this thing doesn’t live long.

Predacons:

Now for the Predacons. This is the silliest Megatron I have ever seen. He is also irredeemable evil, but funny in a way.

Scorponok. Pathologically loyal. Killed off unceremoniously.

Terrorsaur is the discount Starscream. He is such a cheap knock-off and probably the weakest bot overall. A butt-monkey. Killed off unceremoniously and I wasn’t sad at all.

Tarantulas is fucking evil, I started hating him so much for the things he did especially to Blackarachnia.

Waspinator is a joke. Seeing him getting ripped to shreds Looney Tunes style is funny though. In this series the bots survive like almost anything.

Blackarachnia is my favorite character. I needed a little time to warm up to her, but damn, she is amazing! She later joins the good guys and doesn’t lose her snarky, awesome personality in the process. What more could you want?

Inferno calls Megatron “his queen”. You have to love him for that.

Quickstrike is another Fuzor abomination like Silverbolt. He also flirts with Blackarachnia like Silverbolt. But he doesn’t win Blackarachnia’s dark, poisonous heart like Silverbolt. ;)

Rampage was created to mimic Starscream’s immortal mutated spark. Found that backstory quite interesting. 

Beast Machines add-ons:

Nightscream is an angsty teen who does his own thing when he feels the need to.

Botanica is the first and last plant bot we ever see. First she doesn’t want to join the fights even though she is powerful, but thankfully she later decides against that bullshit.

Jetstorm, Thrust and Tankor. The reveal who they really are is quite funny. It also shows that Megatron is cool with overriding people’s personalities in order to rule over them.

Obsidian and Strika. Oh so that’s where they come from. They can also stay there. Never liked them. Not personality-wise. And especially not design-wise.

Now then. Did I enjoy watching this? Oh hell yes. I got addicted. I was never bored. The main characters felt like family. The only thing I missed was a Starscream to pathologically latch on to. But at least he has one episode. ;) It was hard to tolerate the nightmare-inducing graphics and I will always prefer vehicles over animals, but getting over that, one is definitely in for a treat concerning TF shows.

And now to the one thing that kept me watching the most:

Silverbolt x Blackarachnia is my favorite CANON Transformers couple of ALL TIME!

Their dialogue is so frickin’ funny, I couldn’t take it. Their love is genuine and builds up slowly. They still have their own agendas without losing parts of their personality in order to fit better. IT WAS JUST SO FUNNY!

Silverbolt is a superhero personality character and also self-aware about that. First he just annoys Blackarachnia beyond belief with his chivalrous nonsense, but later she finds enjoyment in getting his attention. For example, she lets him save her even though she didn’t need his help. That’s the point when you get she starts having feelings for him, too, as she has no qualms flirting with someone in order to get them to do what she wants (like Quickstrike). And after some ups and downs (”You know, I like them big and stupid, but you are really pushing it!”), they finally find together and she joins the Maximals. And then we get into Beast Machines and Blackarachnia is like the force keeping them together as Silverbolt was turned into a Vehicon (Oh, so that’s where they came from!), but even after creating a new body for him, he turned into a RiD2015/Samura-Drift-kinda character and only at the end of the series he returned to his wonderful corny self. That was definitely a bummer.

But for fuck’s sake!! Why can’t we have more like that? D: I was squeaking on my chair, shipping them so hard...!

[themadauthorshatter]

If you're up to date with my posts, then you know what's about to happen.

I've read the books, WE'VE ALL READ THE BOOKS, but this is a somewhat fun switch-a-roo.

Expect a BUNCH of changes that I'll try justifying, especially painful ones, so bear with me🙏

OTP SWAP PART 1: THE CRUEL PRINCE!!!!

I'm starting with the first book for obvious reasons

Like before, we start in the mortal world with Ashley Duarte(yes, human!Cardan's last name is Duarte, but like I said, bear with me) making tacos in the kitchen while one of the MANY dogs and other animals wait for her to drop some food. Baby boy Cardan and his older half-sister Rhyia are watching some human stuff, maybe Looney Tunes or old Mickey Mouse cartoons, when the door is knocked on, which alerts the animals and wakes a half asleep Cardan; Rhyia does not wake up.

Cardan answers it and finds a cloaked Madoc at the door. Rather than ask who he is or call for his mother, he stares at this man, who kneels and asks as evenly as possible if his mother is home.

Cardan slams the door in his face, which prompts Ashley to ask why he did so.

Madoc BANGS on the door and shouts, "Asha!" and Ashley pales as she realizes who is at the door.

She demands Cardan to go upstairs as Madoc kicks the door open and walks inside, giving the same speech as the original, that Balekin told him she'd ran away with his daughter, that she killed a woman who was just as pregnant as her, that she ran away and married some lowly farm hand and blacksmith. He thought it was a lie, but nope. Here she stands.

Asha(which is her real name) is deeply ashamed at his words, and tries to pull Cardan away; an angry Madoc is an unstable Madoc.

Like before, Justin rushes in to save his family, but ends up getting kebabbed with his wife.

Rhyia does wake up to see both and Madoc spills the tea that she's his and needs to pack her bags because they're leaving, and Cardan's coming with.

Cardan, despite being seven, is outraged and tries to kick Madoc into oblivion with no avail. Rhyia, however, swears that she'll never love a monster like Madoc, who simply scoffs and tells her to wrangle the human and gather her things in half an hour, because they're leaving for Faerie.

Reluctantly, they do and they never see the mortal world again for a very long time.

Jump to the present day as Cardan, a now seventeen year old human heart throb, is getting prim and proper for a revel. His hair is getting styled nice, he's in a nice suit, he's wearing a cool belt that makes him look like he has a tail, and has ear cuffs that make his ears look pointed like a faerie.

He also has rowan berries on his wrist, because he doesn't want the necklace to be easy to see as a lot of his shirts show his chest.

He's dolled up and meets Locke, his brother that came around when Madoc married Oriana and had Oak. The two did not get along, at first, but they began to tolerate each ither as they realized they were the only humans in Faerie that were gentry kids.

Locke is more of a bard or a poet, always seen with a little book, and doesn't wear the same stuff Cardan does, so no pointed ear cuffs for him. He's also more accustomed to Faerie, being good with half truths and minor deception. He's on good terms with both Madoc and Oriana.

Cardan, however, is not on good terms with either of them, as he has tried multiple times to leave Faerie, with and without Rhyia with him, and every time ended with Madoc outside scowling at him and leading him back to his room. Still has that 'no kill' rule, but he's better with sneaking and a sword, having been able to lighten his steps so he could sneak past Madoc and his guards whenever he tried to leave. He's not bad with a sword, but he still has a lot to learn, being 17 and all. When he doesn't have a sword in his hands, he has an animal in them, i.e. a foal, a dog, or, at one point, a skunk that was calm enough to not spray him. Yeah, animal lover that can hold his own.

The two exchange banter and Locke shows show rare excitement for this revel, saying the two will have the time of their lives. Locke, who isn't as close with her, wonders where Rhyia is, but Cardan reveals she's not attending, instead going to visit some friends in the mortal world.

Her funeral as the boys saddle up with Oriana amd Madic and go to the revel.

Similar events occur, like Oriana telling the boys to be careful, Madoc talking to Dain and Balekin, and Locke leading Cardan through the revel so they can have a good time.

IT GOES DOWNHILL WHEN THE GREENBRIAR TWINS AND THEIR FRIENDS ARRIVE. Jude, her older sister Taryn, and their friends, Edir, a bard that can sing and play anyone under the table, Valerian, who's a sadist, and Nicasia, the princess of the Undersea.

Jude and Taryn may have the same face and body, but don't be fooled, Jude has horns, always wears a sword, and will slap you in a dress and then set it on fire without a second’s hesitation. Taryn, however, always has a bunch of flowers in her hair, always wears a dress, and uses words as her weapon. Did you know that she broke on of the most boisterous men in Faerie qith nothing but her words? True story. Edir is the guy that keeps them both in check, an order of Balekin's, which we'll learn later. He is also more of Jude's friend and Taryn's bed buddy, in SFW terms. Nicasia is Jude's friend, like FRIEND, and Valerian is the same, really, just more of an ass now that he has more even targets.

Everyone bows to these guys, even Cardan and a smirking Locke. That smirk vanishes when Taryn winks at Cardan, who Jude GLARES AT.

Locke feels the same way, cinfused and angry, but no time to think in it because Valerian storms toward a confused Cardan and grabs him by the collar, snarling that he can play dress up and make believe all he wants because it won't hide his plain hair or round ears or barn dog smell, so he shouldn't even bother.

Valerian throws him back and Locke rounds on Cardan, asking him what the hell that was between him and Taryn. Cardan brushes him off, as it was just a wink, not a lap dance. Before they can REALLY go at it, crying draws their attention and see that Jude just pincushioned someone who didn't bow, said someone nkw having a hole in their stomach and a slash across their torso. Taryn is annoyed, Nicasia and Valerian are trying not to laugh, and Edir, who's embarassed, is scolding Jude for losing it at a revel.

Jump to after the revel and the day of school. The boys do indeed get dirt kicked on their food, but instead of 'make me,' Cardan snaps, 'TRY me,' because Nicasia asks if he's as filthy as other human boys. Locke talks him down, but Valerian, kicking more dirt and even throwing some IN Cardan's face, asks if the two qould like them for friends.

Locke apologizes for Cardan, but Jude commands he prove it by dropping out of the tournament, it'll be less embarrassing than getting his ass beaten in front of everyone.

Nicasia spots one of the ear cuffs and pulls it off, asking if he stole it. Big mistake because the cuff burns her hand, as it is iron and iron hurts Faeries.

Cardan smirks and the group leaves, Locke scolding him for being stupid.

Later, at dinnner, after talk of Dain's coronation, Cardan, despite some minor objection from Rhyia, asks Madoc a question: May he please have a green sash for the tournament? Why? He would like to be a knight, please and thank you. Madoc chikes on his wine, Locke coughs to hide a laugh, Rhyia winces, and Oriana os shicked into silence.

Madoc gives it to him straight: he's not bad with a sword, he's good on his feet,and he's the best damned rider that anyone's ever seen, but no. He cannot compete for knighthood, on the count of being the furthest thing from a killer imaginable and just being in over his head.

Cardan protests that he can do just fine, but Madoc warns him to stop before he gets himself thrown in a dungeon instead if his room until the coronation of prince Dain.

Cardan relinquishes and we get the salt prank like before, except Locke is pissed beyond all reason at his foster brother. Cardan doesn't mind until he's grabbed by Edir and Valerian, Locke being pulled by the hair by Jude and both are thrown in the river, which has Nixies in it.

Thier supplies get yeeted, Locke gets pulled out by Valerian and is made to kiss Jude on the lips and both her horns, but, when asked, Cardan does not give up, vowing that he will never give up, which makes Jude laugh and the group leave.

Locke and Cardan walk home, get some baths, and go to bed, except they go to the mortal world with Rhyia and meet her friends Vivienne and Heather at the mall. Vivienne apologizes for Jude's behavior, and we learn that Rhyia is planning to leave Faerie, and is probably going alone.

The boys return and endure a lesson, but Jude pushes Locke's buttons, so Cardan pushes her into a tree. Challenge accepted.

TOURNAMENT TIME!! Cardan fairs wellin that Valerian is lazy, Edir is out of shape, and Jude got cocky, so he wins.

Jude fumes at him, later grabbing him by the tail on his belt amd demanding he beg for her forgiveness. He does... NOT! And spits in her face that she may push him down, but he'll pull her down with him, and it will hurt her like hell.

Taryn approaches him and expresses interest in him, saying that she once took both Edir and Nicasia from Jude because people just like a sensitive girl.

She leaves and the tournament eventually ends, which leads Cardan to return hime and meet Dain, who requested one of Madoc's people to tell Cardan one of Eldred's children had come for a visit.

Dain and Cardan get talking and Dain offers him something that isn't knighthood: spying. Plus one wish.

Cardan knows what he wants: to not be controled.

Granted, but Dain can still control him and the fruits of Faerie will still effect him.

Screwy, but deal, he's a spy now

STAY TUNED FOR PART 2!!!!!

[popculturebuffet]

Porky Pig Black and White Birthday Special!

H-h-hello you happy people! And it’s time for my first birthday special for  Looney Tune! While I covered some with Tex’s birthday last week, this is the first of these specials i’ve done to cover one of their stars.. and it’s apporirate it starts with their first big one: Porky Pig! 

Yes for those of you who didn’t know, and until a few months ago that included me turns out Porky wasn’t always a second banana who still had an iconic habit of closing out shorts with his signature “T-t-that’s all folks!’. He was Warner Bros first big star and mascot. Like Daffy would do in Porky’s own shorts he started out  as a sidekick in shorts for Beans the Cat

No one Brak, that’s why eventually Beans, who was a diet Mickey outside of his first short, which we’ll get to in a moment, got the boot while the stuttering adorable pig got the starring role instead. Porky was the studio’s big headliner for years and years.. but most wouldn’t know it. Outside of Porky in Wackyland, none of his shorts without Daffy or Sylvester really got a lot of play on Cartoon Network or other repackages, likely because most were black and white and for whatever reason they didn’t mix them in. But after seeing oh so many in the menu for Looney Tunes on max I was super curious, and thus super excited for this day to come so I could take a look and see how they held up, holding off watching them so they’d be fresh. And outside of three shorts: his first appearance, one suggested by my friend Blah and one picked by my Patreon Emma, as one of the perks for my patreons is getting to pick a cartoon when I do one of these 10 cartoon specials, I just went with my gut, what sounded interesting or what have you, avoidnig the ones where he was Daffy’s sidekick and what not to focus soley on porky hamself to see how he stacked up alone. 

How’d it turn out? Well join me after the cut for a nice pile of ham, bacon, sausage and other pork products as we dig into everyone’s favorite pig. Well almost everyone I have my own favorites. 

Yes yes you are sweetie. Reviews of 10 Porky Shorts, all but one in black and white, under the cut.  Trigger warning: One of these shorts involves attempted suicide Yes really. So if that’s a trigger for you, please avoid this review entirely or if you want to just avoid that specific entry, the one on Porky’s romance. Thank you. 

1. I Haven’t Got A Hat (1935): Bope A Dope A Dope Dope

As I mentioned Pre-Porky, Warner didn’t have a star to compete with Disney, and given Disney was so character based, and a lot of these shorts were coming out at the same time Disney was spinning Donald off into his own series giving them TWO huge stars, it was clear Warner needed at least one to complete. So they came up with a plan: a knock off of Our Gang, aka what would later be dubbed The Little Rascals, starring a bunch of animal kids to see if one or all caught on. As you can tell one did but as the intro made clear it took them a few shorts to realize it. 

The short is about a school recital to raise money for the teachers, just in case you thought them being underpayed was a new thing. So it’s really an excuse for four diffrent segments of hyjinks following a diffrent kid or kids each. Our first is the reason this one is here, porky’s introductoin where he stutters, and struggles throught he midnight ride of paul revere. It’s alright mostly do to his animated actions like the above seen simulating hi mriding his horse. Not bad but like a lot of Porky jokes it relies on his stutter which wasn’t funny to me as a kid or now as an adult, and comes off pretty inesnitive in hindsight, especially as the stutter was a medical condition of his voice actor that forced him to retire and be replaced by Mel Blanc after “Porky’s Romance”, which we’ll get to.

The other three bits are likewise decent: Kitty, a small cat, nervously makes her way through mary had a little lamb next, whic is fine enough. My faviorite is after here, Ham and Ecks, two puppies performing the title number, which is mostly funny because they sing like normal kidddies.. except after saying the title name with Ecks suddenly going in very low. it’s not bad. 

Finally we have Beans and Oliver Owl. Beans wants to get back at Oliver for not sharing Candy so he puts a dog and cat in his piano. It’s colossal, it’ stupendous.. it’s mediocre! As is the whole short, not bad bits, but only the title track is super memorable. It is easy to see why Porky stuck out the most though with his stutter and neat design. As mentioned it would take warner a few shorts to realize his appeal but once he did he was off to the raises and the next three shorts are all from the very next year. 

2. The Blow Out (1936): Insert Silly Jig Music Here

This one is simple but it works: A mad bomber, what bombs in broad daylight, is setting up time bombs and being hammy. Meanwhile Porky, whose still a kid in this one, wants a big old soda float and only has half the money, but after helping a guy pick up his cane on relflex, starts helping people pick up their items. You can see where this is going and the climax is damn fun as you’d expect from Tex Avery. The runner of Porky doing a silly little dance with a catchy musical sting as he trops the pennies he gets in his pocket is also pretty neat. Not the best he’s done, given I did a whole birthday special last week he’d get much better, but still some fun silly stuff. 

3. Plane Dippy (1936): Spin It! Even better, with a simple premise: Porky joins the army, we get some hyjinks as he does the tests and then he’s assigned to dust a remote plane that Kitty ends up accidently directing when talking to her dog. There’s some really fun screwball stuff here, though the ending is a bit weak, everything else is pretty strong. The pattern for the last three holds: not the best thing i’ve seen from Disney, Warner or MGM, but pretty neat. 

4. Porky In The North Woods (1936): Turtle Paddlin

This one’s a disney style picture as Porky sets up an animal refuge, only for an egotistical hunter to outright ignore his signs and presumed legal right and set up traps then try and kill Porky for daring to. undo his traps.. in an area outright labeled as an animal sanctuary. I’d say just hunt somewhere else but as the modern republican party has proven Stubborn assholes afraid of change won’t just go away or obey the law. The animals return Porky’s kindness by kicking hte guys ass, the best bit being some turtles grabbing some paddles and giving him what for, to the point I screencapped that bit specically.

But other than the Climax it’s just alright, but the hammy villian does help elevate this one. 

5. Porky’s Romance: I made a Huge Mistake

This one was one I picked out I knew wasn’t on Max but curious about Petunia’s first apperance, I added it to the rotation anyway. 

I’m not sugarcoating it because this short dosen’t deserve it: This is the worst of the shorts i’m covering here today. It is pure awful distlend into 7 LONG minutes. 

As some of you may recall, back when I did my first shortravaganza for Donald Ducks birthdy, I reviewed Donald’s Diary, the last Daisy short and one with some pretty cute Donsy stuff but ends with him reconsidering proposal like a jackass because he asasumes marriage will be terrible and she’ll turn abusive and “GASP” make him do chores like a responsible partner. It’s one half a good short, and one half a really bad short. 

You want to see the truly terrible version of that done years earlier, on less of a budget and only satisfying at hte very end? No. Well I didn’t either but that’s what I got. The short starts okay, with a bit introducing Petunia in am eta way. But the short itself after that little meta bit?

The short has Porky lovingly picking out choclates and a ring for Petunia. Petunia in this short.. is a horrible monster who dismisses him out of hand and only lets him court her to get his choclate, her dog barks at him trying to get some, so their all assholes, and she outright laughs at his proposal. 

It’s here where I needed a trigger warning, as Porky tries to kill himself over it. So we have a woman using a prospective partner for finacials and her real intentions driving him to suicide. I.. why would you put this in here. How is this funny? or entertaining? Or anything I want to watch in a looney tune? I don’t want to watch Porky get depressed and try and hang himself. No one wants that and if you do, please get some help. 

He hten has a dream, hence the comparison, of an awful wedded life with Petunia where he does everything, and she GASPS puts on weight.. even though...

He wakes up, finds Petunia likes him now but leaves, takes the choclates and kicks the dog. Haha he’s sitll not a good person. 

As you can tell, this short is throughly miserable. It’s not funny, it’s not tearjerking, it uses sucicide for some reason and takes a dark tone, and is VERY sexist saying “Well women be like this you know” it feels like. It also makes VERY light of domestic abuse, and while that was the style at the time it dosen’t make it any better. Tackling either suicide or domestic abuse is fine, their very important issues.. but don’t put them in your looney tune, for god’s sake. I do not get the tone they were going for but I hate it. I HATE THIS ONE. Do not watch it it bad. Let’s please move on. 

6. Porky’s Garden (1937): It’s A Me! An Itallian Sterotype!

My good friend Emma, whose now one of my patreons, picked this one mostly because it popped up on youtube when she did a youtube search. ironically she herself is itallian and i’m 100% convinced she had no idea what this cartoon contained: Porky versus an itallian sterotype for a county fair prize. Now is this the worst thing Looney Tunes has done? Nope the censored eleven exist, Porky’s Romance exists and Loontics unleashed exists, so i’ts not the worst but it’s still just very cringe inducing that the only joke the guy has is “laugh at the evil foreigners funny accent” It’s not very good, not worht your time, and has weird popeye joke for some reason. 

7. The Case of the Stuttering Pig (1937): The Creampuff in the Third Row This one could’ve been done for Halloween, as Porky deals with a lawyer turned into a monster stalking him and Petunia.. whose possibly his sister here which somehow makes Porky’s romance even worse but given the unviersal adaptor cast of the looney tunes, i’m assuming it wasn’t. That short is horrible enough own without that little chesnut. The short is dripping with atmosphere but on the whole is just okay, though the runner about the villain insulting a guy in row three only for that guy to get even at the end and save the pigs is pretty great not going to lie. 

8. What Price, Porky? (1938): Daffy!

I purposefully chose not to have as little of other looney tunes as possible, in order to make this Porky’s day. As you can tell for the most part that’s been a mistake but even the one with Daffy is just okay, but at least has a creative premise. Porky is a farmer, a surprisingly common theme, and some local ducks are stealing his Chicken’s corn. So while he tries to ask them nicely not to, the general, played by daffy, attacks. Sadly he’s barely in it but we do get some neat gags and it’s far more of a ride than the last few. The ending is bad, the ducks win despite being the antagonists, but still pretty fun. Thankfully we’ll be getting more Daffy in April. 

9. Porky’s Hare Hunt: Halfway To Bugs

As you can tell this day ended up being kind of a disapointment: Porky just isn’t the most intresting leading man and ended up working better as a straight man.  I still genuinely love the character, but it’s clear there was only so much you could do with him in the lead and by the end here, he was either being sidelined so Chuck Jones could do something else like the last one or made the foil to someone goofier often daffy but our last two, and today’s two best, this one being secon dbest, prove whyt hey’ve stuck to that since. 

This one has him hunting a Rabbit whose a bit nuts and utterly delightful, a prottype for bugs.. and for woody woodpecker, whose va he shared, and Screwball Squirreel. THANKS...FOR...THAT... but unlike screwy, this rabbit at least is being hunted, so we get a fun breezy short with some goofy antics and a loveable protgangsit going up against Porky as the antagonist. Good stuff. 

10. Porky in Wackyland: Ending on a High

As I said this ended up being kind of a slog. I wanted to honor Porky by showing his solo career and instead found it dated with a few good shorts.. but only a few really held a candle to the disney stuff going on at the time or the warner stuff to come later like Porky’s Hare Hunt and the Blow Out. Otherwise it’s pretty standard outside of the previous entry.. and there’s only one true masterpiece. This one. Porky in Wackland. 

Porky in Wackland is just Bob Clampett going nuts for 7 minutes and it’s glorious to watch. Porky is hutning for the last Dodo and ends up in the utterly deranged and wonderous wacky land. The only bit that does not work in this entire 7 minute orgy of weirdness is a refrence to the jazz singer with a creature screaming mammy that’s a slight caracture of a black person. I’ve seen much worse but i’ts still eesh. But unlike some shorts, that dosen’t slow it down for long and it’s almost etnirely just fun, utterly batshit stuff and a great chase with the dodo himself at the end and one hell of a warner brothers logo gag. Check this one out, it’s admired for a reason. Tremendous stuff. Should be on max with.. that bit.. edited out. 

So that was a look into Porky’s solo career and yeah, I can see why he’s better as a straight man. I still love the guy though and he has lasted as long as his brothers while others from this time were forgotten> He’s still a good character.. he’s just better paired with Daffy or someone else, part of a team. As a solo act.. he’s just okay but as part of a group.. he’s sensational. 

If you liked this review, reblog it, follow me for more and join my patreon. Until then...

[tuff-and-fluff-archives]

Okay I am hyperfixating HARD on Tom and Jerry and all my emotions from childhood have FLOODED forth, so now that I’ve finished watching (almost) all 161 original theatrical Tom and Jerry shorts from 1940 to 1967, I would like to force you all to endure my insane ramblings about this franchise. Although before I begin, I’d like to share where I’ve been watching all these! Here’s a Dailymotion playlist of all 161 shorts, put into the correct order by yours truly :3 OKAY NOW THE INSANITY BEGINS 💖💖💖

1) The Messy Formative Years: Shorts 001-017 (1940-1944)

So obviously, when a series is first created, especially an animated series, the first few episodes will always be a bit odd as the directors and writers find their footing and establish the rules of their own universe, and Tom and Jerry is no exception! In fact, these episodes can be a bit weird and even jarring to watch because the designs of the titular characters are so drastically different from how they look even ten years afterwards. In fact, in the very first episode, they don’t even have their official names yet and are instead named “Jasper and Jinx.” Also, there’s a LOT of talking in these beginning shorts before they decided to make Tom and Jerry almost entirely mute. Shorts 010 and 013 stand out the most, as they feature characters regularly speaking full sentences and it’s just... ohhh it’s SO weird to watch and it feels almost wrong 😅 Of course that’s not to say these shorts are bad, far from it actually! They’re still super fun and fascinating to watch and I think it’s quite interesting to see how such an iconic franchise got its start!

2) The Golden Years: Shorts 018-097 (1945-1955)

Oh. My. GOD. THESE ARE THE ABSOLUTE BEST. I guarantee that when you just think about Tom and Jerry, THESE are the shorts that come to mind. By now William Hanna & Joseph Barbara fully had their formula down and were just pumping out hit after hit afTER HIT HHHHH I LOVE THESE SO MUCH. I’m not kidding when I say that these shorts still make me laugh really hard and I absolutely adore nearly every aspect of them: the fluid and extremely expressive animation, the excellently timed music paired with each short, and the humor that’s constant and lands almost every time. My absolute favorite ones are around 040-080 but really all of these are just sooooo good. I know that this is stating the obvious but one thing that I especially love is just how VIOLENT these cartoons are, even more than the Looney Tunes shorts that were coming out at the same time. Characters are constantly picking up knives or axes or straight up GUNS and ngl I feel like half of the humor comes from that shock factor of the insane absurdity of that violence. Okay I’m starting to sound rly dumb, I know explaining the joke is never fun, but the directing and animation just NAILS every joke; I think the secret behind it is that there’s always a buildup and anticipation before the impact, and that buildup just makes the impact all the more intense! I was going to list my top 5 favorites but it’s impossible to choose so lemme just recommend a random five out of all of them: 026 - Solid Serenade, 048 - Saturday Evening Puss, 067 - Triplet Trouble, 069 - Fit to Be Tied, and 076 - That’s My Pup!

Also, I don’t know where else to mention this so I’ll just say it here: there’s a gradual change that Tom’s design goes through where he’s slowly drawn to be less and less fuzzy. At first his outline was drawn with a lot of points to emphasize his fur, but over time they abandoned doing that, my guess is because it was harder to animate. I’d say that they fully transitioned to Smooth Tom around short 030. That’s just a little detail I noticed and wanted to share! ^-^

3) The Slow Decay: Shorts 098-114 (1956-1958)

*heavy sigh* Well... a good thing can’t last forever. What’s kinda strange is that I can’t really nail down a specific reason caused a decline in quality after 1955; short 096 was the last to be produced by Fred Quimby, with Hanna & Barbara being given the producer credit as well as director credit for the remaining 18 shorts, and MGM animation studios had major budget cuts in the late 50′s and was shut down in 1957, and perhaps the studio shutting down had also taken the joy out of the crew, which would certainly have an effect on the cartoons. Now that doesn’t mean that these last 16 shorts are bad- they’re still quite entertaining, but they just don’t have the same energy as the shorts made in the Golden Years. They’re also nowhere near as cartoonishly violent as the past shorts had been; weapons are almost never used anymore and there are barely any efforts from Tom and Jerry to straight up kill each other, and more often than not they’re working together and even acting like close friends. I think that’s pretty fair evidence that even if these later shorts were much tamer and friendlier, that meant that they were lacking the same chaotic energy that made the other shorts so hilarious. 

Also I just need to vent this here cuz this era also contains the two most absolutely infuriating shorts in the Hanna-Barbera era, that being 100 - Busy Buddies and 114 - Tot Watchers. These two shorts consist of Tom and Jerry attempting to stop a baby from accidentally dying cuz it’s just a dumb baby that doesn’t know anything, while the babysitter is just totally ignorant to everything happening. Now I can’t quite explain why and I’m probably just making myself look like an asshole but these shorts are just... so frustrating to me??? Like its bad enough that this stupid baby whose face NEVER changes from that stupid little smile just keeps wandering into dangerous situations (in Tot Watchers it straight up crawls into a CONSTRUCTION ZONE) but every time Tom rescues the little bastard and puts it back in its crib, the babysitter thinks he’s “bothering” the baby (probably because of that one myth about cats laying on babies and stealing their breath) and so poor Tom is just punished for doing literally nothing wrong!! It’s just... very frustrating to me for some reason I’m sorry... (Although I have to admit that it is interesting and kinda cute that Tom knows how to change a diaper, like wif the safety pins and everything. Why does he know that...?)

4) The Gene Deitch Shit Shorts: 115-127 (1961-1962)

OOOH BOY. I don’t think... that I can really describe how purely and utterly I dislike the Deitch shorts. Okay so, to explain, in 1961 MGM decided they wanted to revive the Tom and Jerry franchise, so they contracted an animation studio based in Czechoslovakia to create 13 new original shorts. All of these shorts were directed by Gene Deitch, who before being commissioned for these cartoons, was open about his disdain for the original Hanna-Barbera shorts that he described as “needlessly violent.” After he was assigned to the series, he did come around to somewhat realize that the violence was intended to be overly cartoonish and humorous, but his initial opinion still had an influence on his directing decisions. In addition to these facts, the foreign team behind this series had only collectively seen a handful of the original cartoons, and each short was given a budget of only $10,000, compared to the $50,000 that the Hanna-Barbera shorts had all been given.

SO. To recap, these 13 new shorts were being made by a foreign team who had barely seen any of the source material, directed by a man who had disliked the original cartoons, and being made on 1/5 of the budget that the Hanna-Barbera shorts were given. Needless to say, the end results were a DISASTER. I’m not kidding when I say that watching these shorts feels almost like a fever dream with how completely baffling and surreal they are. I honestly don’t think they could be any more different from the original series; the music and sound effects are extremely minimalist and usually completely absent, the animation is so jerky and totally lacking the fluidity of the originals, and the character design is also drastically different and, in my opinion, kinda ugly too. These are universally considered to be the worst of the theatrical shorts, and Deitch himself has even stated that he and his team “hardly had a chance to succeed” and he fully understands the negativity directed towards the shorts he directed. I have to confess that when I rewatched all the theatrical shorts, I only got through two of these before outright skipping the rest of them. These 13 shorts are a complete disgrace to the majesty of the Hanna-Barbera series, and while I don’t hold anything against the people behind them, I can’t lie when I say that I hate these shorts. 

5) The Chuck Jones Era: 128-161 (1963-1967)

I have an odd love-hate relationship with these shorts. I don’t think I need to explain to you the legacy of the great Chuck Jones, the creator of Marvin the Martian, Pepe Le Pew, and the Roadrunner and Wile E. Coyote whose name is nearly synonymous with the Looney Tunes cartoons of the 30′s, 40′s, and 50′s. He’s an absolute legend in the animation industry, and yet... the Tom and Jerry shorts that he directed are still significantly weaker than the original series. Let me start with the things I like though! The slight changes in the character design to match Chuck Jones’ signature style are super appealing (I especially like how at times, Tom will almost resemble Jones’ design for the Grinch) and the animation is of course very well done and a joy to watch, but despite these positives, the humor is sadly lacking. There are still quite a few jokes that land, but they’re more restrained and just don’t have the same high-energy oomph! of the impactful gunshot sound effects and violent screams of the original cartoon. I’ll always have an appreciation for this era of shorts and the man behind them, but they sadly didn’t even come halfway close to the Hanna-Barbera series.

WELL. ANYWAY, THAT’S MY RANT!!! Thanks for reading this far, all two people that did. It just felt good to get this outta my system! 💖💖

[bluethursday]

Friendly Neighbourhood Robin

The Villains on occasion, do Tim a favour or two. The Batfam is a bit confused. This is a prompt-fill for Yufei (you are the best) *smiles*. 

Tim stands crouched on a streetlamp, perching himself like a cat, the air is still and nothing is breathing tonight. He can see a figure moving in the dark, pouncing from rooftop to rooftop.

“Well, well, well, Baby Bat,” calls out Selene Kyle, holding the goods from a heist around her neck in the form of a diamond necklace. It is very cat burglar cliche if Tim doesn’t say so himself.

Blinking down at Catwoman, Tim gives her a wave. This close, he can see her holding a brown paper bag with grease stains on the bottom.

“I brought you…breakfast?” She offers, waving the baggie. Unsure of what the meal should be called.

Tim shouldn’t but he knows Selena well enough to trust the food, he’s hungry and he’s been out all night on patrol. Shimmying down the pole he swings himself down to grab the baggie, and stand beside the nice lady who brought him food.

Opening the bag Tim finds that he is in possession of what looks like a double cheeseburger and fries from one of the slummiest, yet most delicious joints in Gotham. It was shut down twice for health and safety violations.

Grinning up at Selena he says, “Thanks, Catwoman.”

Ruffling his hair Selena replies, “No worries kiddo, you helped me out in a tight spot at the Wayne party, it was the least I could do.”

Tim had served as an excellent distraction for Miss Kyle as she ran away fast as she could from one of the Gotham city council members who was convinced he could…solicit…her services. Tim dropped a wine glass on his crotch, entirely by accident of course. He was really, very sorry.

…

Joker stands at attention monologuing on about something to do with gas, and schoolchildren and killing, as Damian and Tim sit bound to each other by meters of sail rope. They’re back to back and not pleased with where they currently are in life.

Somewhere in his monologue Joker kicks a random floor knife backwards towards the bound heroes, and gives Tim a pointed look and a cough, before going on to say, “Batsy one and two will never get out of here alive, by the time Batman comes, I’ll have you dead…two little birdies in the garden.”

Which would ordinarily be very disturbing if he had’t just helped them out. They were wrapped up in rope like the world’s worst Christmas present. He gave them a knife. Ergo, he was giving them an exit plan. He also conveniently left the room he had no reason to leave while loudly exclaiming that he’d be gone for exactly thirty minutes to check on the other hostages.

It was such bad acting it almost felt like a trap. Tim pulled the knife close to his body with his feet, grabbed it and cut them free.

“It’s a trap.” Damian hissed.

Tim rolled his eyes, not that anyone could see the motion under the domino. “It could be, but either way we’re free. Let’s contact B. We’ll deal with the maybe-a-trap on the way.”

About two weeks ago, Tim had rolled Joker into a dumpster to hide him from some of Black Mask’s thugs, He didn’t think the clown was awake at the time, he also never expected repayment for his actions. But here he was, not dead, witnessing a cheesy looney tunes style villain monologue from one of the creepiest clowns in Gotham. It was…not reassuring but it was nice be…thanked…Tim guessed? Not that, not killing someone was usually a thank you, but in this case, Tim would take it.

“Come on Demon Bird, stop stalling,” Tim continued, grabbing Damian by the hand before repelling out the window.

…

Jay gaped in shock as he watched Slade give Tim a bo staff. Just give it to him. On a rooftop. It even had a little blue bow on it. It was a gift.

Pulling out a gun, after recovering from the shock, Jason pointed it at Slade and screamed, “What the fuck do you think, you’re doing Slade?”

Slade, creepy motherfucker that he was, stroked Tim’s cheek, as he purred out, “I’m leaving young Timothy a gift.”

Okay. Ew. “Back away from the little boy Deathstroke.”

“Relax, Jason. I’ll be out of your hair in a moment, though if you do pull that trigger you’ll find that you’ll be short one Red Robin.”

Who hit on someone, and then used that same person as a hostage? Jason kept the gun trained on Slade’s face.

He watched the assassin stroke Tim’s cheek one more time before running off. Tim, that moron turned to Jason, and waved the shiny new bo.

“Look,” he said. “I’ve got a new staff. Isn’t that nice?”

No. No that was not nice. Jason grabbed the thing and spat out, “We’re getting this tested, why the fuck is that creep even giving you things anyway in the first place?”

Tim kicked him in the shin, “It’s my staff. He’s just being nice.”

Jason raised an eyebrow in disbelief. “He’s Deathstroke he doesn’t do nice.”

Tim grumbled the entire way home, and was far too smug when the bo turned out clean. He helped out Rose the other day. He prevented her from getting caught by the police during an unexpected ambush, but throwing her out a window and into a tree. Slade was honestly just being nice. But it was funny to watch Jason panic so Tim was going to keep that information from him.

…

“Tim,” Batman started. “It has come to my attention that some of the villains are being…lenient towards you.”

That wasn’t an actual question so Tim waited.

“Do you have any idea why?” Bruce asked.

“Nope.” Tim replied. He lied. He knew exactly why. He was being a good samaritan. It’s not like the others didn’t help people get their penguins out of trees, or rescue lost cats, or help mentally unstable men find their things. It was just that Tim had the luck of running into villains pretty often, and those villains paid him back. Sometimes in increasingly questionable ways, but who was Tim to turn down a gift, even if that gift were a dead rat.

They hit lighter, created openings for him to escape, and sometimes gave him food. The highlight of his week was when Joker of all villains, tried to give him food, that wasn’t even poisoned. The muffin had a bite taken out of it, but it wasn’t poisoned, and if it was diseased Tim hadn’t noticed yet. They split it. J was cool when he wasn’t trying to kill everyone around him. Or having a mental breakdown.

Maybe if the Bats were nicer, they too would get half eaten muffins but until that point, Tim saw no need to enlighten them.

Bruce glared at him, and returned to his information map as though it would give him the answer Tim wouldn’t.

Smiling Tim turned, and left. He wondered if Ivy was growing apples again, he was craving some and she’d let him pick stuff in her garden if he helped prune the plants. Best grocery store on town.

…

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[oncexinxmyxdreams]

OC Profile Laurie Venkman as a child (The Real Ghostbusters.)  

Bio

Name: Laurie Macy Venkman.

Age: 2 years old when first introduced to Peter. 

Ethnicity: Caucasian with melting pot of family roots. Irish runs from both sides of her family, but there's differences. French and Welsh from Mom's side. German, Dutch, and English on Dad's.

Species: Human.

Height: 29 inches.   

Weight: 18 pounds. 

Hair color: Dark brown like her dad’s.

Hair style: Chin length hair, but eventually grows to be shoulder length.   

Eye color: Cornflower blue like her mom’s.

Birthday: September 13th, 1983.

Gender: Female.

Sexual Orientation: N/A for now.

Powers (if any): No...she’s a little girl. What would she have? Power to be adorable? 

Distinguishing features (if any): Nothing too unique, but just for the sake of description she is a combination of her parents’ features. Besides the blue eyes from her mother, she has her defined cupid bow shaped lips and her round shape of face. She has the same turned up nose and shape of smile like Peter’s. She not only has the same hair color as him, but also has the slight curl to it and the widow’s peak hairline.  

Blood Type: A-

Clothing

Day to day outfit: She wears all kinds of different outfits just for day to day. Overalls, jumpers and play dresses that have gingham or floral patterns. Has little black keds like her mom’s. First outfit Peter got her for is a peplum sweatshirt with kittens on it and Laurie refused to take it off.    

Pajamas/What they wear to bed: Cute footie jammies. One time she was sent for a month to the firehouse by her grandfather with no pajamas packed so Peter bought her a fleece nightgown with hearts. Laurie loved it to much she didn’t want to change when she woke up. 

Formal Clothes: Has a chiffon spring dress that belonged to her mom when she was little and also a velvety Christmas dress.

Work/School uniform: Not school, but as Ruth puts it, more like she’s dressed as if going for school. That would be the popular drop waist dresses that girls had back in the 1980s with tights and shiny black Mary Jane’s. Laurie actually likes these outfits. 

Other (glasses, jewelry, etc): Just some play jewelry.  

Health

Physical Illnesses: Normal toddler health issues like colds, ear aches and sore throats. She does get ill from pneumonia to the point she's in the hospital.

Mental Illnesses or disorders: Slow with speech. Average toddler speaks 50-100 words, but she speaks half less. She suffers now and then from night terrors which Ruth has wondered is result from Claire’s death. Even though Laurie’s 16 months old when Claire died, she would’ve realized that her mommy hadn’t come back. (There’s proof that babies do grieve.) 

Medications?: No. 

Addictions (Drugs, alcohol?): No.  

General Health: Small for her size and a picky eater, but healthy since there's fruit and veggies she likes. At one point, when under grandfather's care-not Jim Venkman-, she's underweight from his neglect.

Life/Preferences:

Likes: Playing, coloring, peaceful sleeping, her plushies, being read to and being taken to new places (as long as she’s with family.) .

Dislikes: Not having her pacifier, certain foods, night terrors, bugs, wolves, timeouts and vitamins.

Career: Not yet. 

Hobbies/Talents: Would coloring count as a hobby? Has an obsession with the show Misty the Cat.  

Habits (good or bad): Sucking her pacifier even to the point that she develops a new habit of chewing on it. Ruth has a hard time weaning her from it.

Family: Her dad is Peter Venkman though he didn’t know she existed. Her mom, Claire Teague, sadly died, but Laurie was attached to her. On maternal side, Arnold and Ruth Teague are her grandparents. Ruth is easily the better grandparent between the two. There’s Caroline, Laurie’s aunt, but they don’t like each other. On the paternal side is Jim Venkman, her grandpa who changes his name around for aliases. She doesn't meet him for a long time. There’s her great uncle Alf that she’s never met. Does have deceased grandmother Lydia Venkman and her very distant side of the family, The O'Connors. Lydia and Laurie share the same initials: L, M and V. 

Friends: Doesn’t have any because she’s very shy. She prefers her plushies as friends.  

Romantic/Love Interest(s): Not until she’s older. 

Pets: No pets, but she has two beloved plushies. One is a tuxedo cat named Misty (based on a TV show she loves) and Peter Rabbit.    

Social Status: Born into a middle class family. 

Favorite Food: Peanut butter sandwiches and Oreos. 

Favorite Color: As of now, she likes pink, blue, purple, and green. She keeps changing what’s her favorite color.   

Favorite genre of music: She likes the 1950s music that Ray plays when he works on Ecto-1. That often distracts Ray to dance along with her.  

Favorite movie genre: She only watches Sesame Street, Mr. Rogers Neighborhood and her favorite show, Misty the Cat. She watches Looney Tunes with Peter on Saturdays when she visits.   

Favorite Animal: Three way tie between rabbits, sea lions and cats.

Degree of Education: Hasn’t even gone to daycare yet. 

What language(s) can they speak?: Still learning to speak and that’s just English.  

Can they cook?: She can pretend to cook. 

Personality:

Positive Traits: Affectionate and playful. She doesn't throw fits when it comes to bedtime or naps. She likes sleep as much as Peter does.

Negative Traits: Has her times of disobedience, frustrations and picky eating  just like a toddler would. She’ll grow into her own personality over time.  

Archetype: The Innocent (Pippin from Lord of the Rings or Dorothy from The Wizard of Oz.) 

Way they interact with others: Shy around new people, but  if they’re kind to her and spends time with them, she’ll get comfortable. Then she gets very attached.  

Way of speaking: Speaks at least 25 words and she can’t pronounce all letters. If she says Granny, it sounds like Gah-ee or Egon sounds like E-gah. Eventually, she’ll learn to talk more and pronounce better. Like Jessica Lange for Claire’s voice inspiration, Laurie’s would be Judith Barsi …because she has one of the sweetest voices I’ve ever heard and she needs to be remembered. 

Introvert or Extrovert?: More of an introvert at the time. 

Backstory

Laurie was a true surprise since Claire, her mom, was told she'd never have children. By that point, Claire was back in Indiana and had sadly broken up with Peter because of their life differences. Claire was too nervous to contact Peter thinking he'd be angry and didn't want to prevent him from earning his doctorates. Laurie's birthday was the one year anniversary that Claire and Peter first said "I love you" to the other. Her initials are reminiscent to her paternal grandma, Lydia Molly Venkman. Laurie's maternal grandma, Ruth, was Claire’s biggest supporter and loved helping with her grandchild. Tragically when Laurie was 16 months old, Claire was killed. Ruth took up to raising Laurie and realized Claire had decided to find Peter. So Ruth took measures in her own hands and Peter was shocked by the news. It takes adjusting for him, but he slowly accepts this new change. Later on, Ruth became sick and suddenly died. Her husband Arnold always gave Claire disgusting comments about sleeping with Peter-use your imagination for those words- so he never cared for his granddaughter. Even Claire’s sister, Caroline disliked her and never wanted to even see her. Unfortunately with Laurie living just with Arnold, he neglected her. He was an alcoholic and it only got worse because he missed Ruth. He’d suddenly send Laurie off to New York without warning and not come back for her for weeks; once a whole month. Laurie loved it because she was happy to be away from Arnold and she grew close with the Ghostbusters. The rest would be spoilers, but we’ll get to those one day.

Life Goals

Laurie eventually does have one goal though she doesn’t fully comprehend what a goal is yet. All she wants it to live with Peter. When she’s dropped off at the firehouse, she’s the most happy and thriving. Ray, Winston, Janine and Egon grow to love her. Most important, Peter does as well. (When he sits back at his desk with newspapers or books, Laurie snuggles up against him with her juice cup or naps.) Unfortunately Laurie’s under custody of her grandparents, even with Ruth gone, and Caroline is always mocking Peter for not being a suitable parent even though she wants nothing to do with her niece. However, things change when Laurie is 3 and found to be in critical health. Due to Arnold’s drunkenness and negligence, she’s found to be underweight and incredibly sick with pneumonia. That just might bring her goal to reality...    

[peachbowserandastrapon]

smash ultimate sesual headcanons (very dirty seriously don’t read if you’re a baby)

cloud is too busy to have sex but he’s probably into some weird-level shit like knifeplay or something

snake has a gear fetish

bowser is 99% dom top, but very subby in the event he does get fucked. would unintentionally be into k rool but they have bad chemistry they have to work thru first, and finds dedede super cute but won’t admit it. he’ll also happily stomp on any foot lover he meets. the only guy who gets to regularly top him is midbus imo so bowser’s thankful the pig’s not in smash so he can keep his tough guy cred looking strong. 

giga bowser only tops and will likely kill you accidentally in the process but it was probably worth it

incineroar is dom top but i could see him powerbottoming maybe from time to time. biiiiiig bromance with k rool. has a wrestling fetish - you can’t just fuck, you need to fight first. his finishing move is sitting on his opponent’s face. reeeeeeeally wants you to sniff his pits.

captain falcon is obviously into fisting

wolf is obviously a switch and into many things, wears different colored bandannas (look up gay handkerchief code) for whatever his mood is that night. dom as hell whether topping or bottoming. expects you to deepthroat him like right off the bat. has a ton of kinks... going off his bandannas you could say he’s into dildos, nipple play, armpits, fisting and pee and don’t tell me he doesn’t know about the handkerchief code seriously just look at his outfit and tell me he ain’t the gayest guy in space

fox leans way more to bottoming and subbing, he'll only top someone like falco maybe (and not in a dommy way at all). and he's clearly in love with wolf anyway and doesn't really wanna fuck anyone else. would happily let wolf put a leash on him but would act persnickety about the whole thing just to make wolf annoyed and more aggressive

falco talks big but he's a huge sub and would only want to top for bragging rights or something i imagine. so tsundere that it's a running joke with the rest of the starfox cast. i can't remember if he has an ascot too... but i could imagine maybe wolf does it for gay coding but the other two just do it cuz they think it looks cool and maybe don't know what they mean. also idk if falco would have a dick since he’s a bird

lucario is obviously 100% bottom considering his aura mechanic is all about taking a beating.

mario, luigi and peach all want bowser. daisy secretly wants wart from subcon but since she doesn’t see him that often she will settle for luigi, where she's the one calling the shots

adult yoshis would definitely enjoy a night with bowser if they were sexual but they're pretty asexual in general

greninja loves being cloaca fucked by bigger brutish types more than anything

the fire emblem cast all have sex with grave seriousness and they participate in small-scale eugenics projects to try to keep the blue haired gene alive

meta knight is a very considerate and skilled lover but no one wants to fuck him because he's a small blob. gives the best ____lingus in the world but few will ever know

kirby doesn't fucc

i don’t want to think of isabelle fuccing and she’s too busy living a full life to bother imo

villager is celibate but super into furries in an sfw way

olimar always wondered what having sex with a pikmin would be like but he knows it's wrong so he won't try it

wii fit trainer likes bending into different positions, and is not dominative on purpose but just seems intimidating so everyone just lets them do whatever

dr mario has a fetish for giving prostate exams and anal pills. always wears a condom. he never removes the gloves except when showering

mewtwo will use shadow magic to jack your dick/clit off

little mac hooks up with wii fit trainer after a stretching routine

ridley is 100% top but likes ass play like rimming as long as he's not penetrated. his idea of foreplay is killing your parents tho so be careful

donkey kong is a switch top/bottom dom/sub, honestly really just depends on who wins the dominance battle as is the law of the jungle. bad at kissing but can be taught. very experimental and wild style of fucking. will let you sniff his pits but he won’t really get it. wants to touch k rool’s belly but doesn’t know why

bayonetta is a dominatrix, obviously

anyone who tried to go up into rosalina's galaxy within her skirt was never seen again

ganondorf is 100% brutal top and so is ganon, you're going to be in pain in some way if you're under him

dedede loves bigger badder guys than him who will push him around and tease him, 100% bottom sub and wants bowser and k rool to tag team him with lots of demeaning dirty talk. drools while eating. dream land is so cutesy and pure that he’s come to fantasize about the darker types of characters elsewhere. thinks it’s wrong and messed up to be a king and have such fantasies, but can’t stop himself. wants k rool to smack him again. will act like a jackass just to incite others to bully him. 

rob likes the idea of getting people off but no one thinks to ask him about sexuality

k rool is a switch and a complete wildcard. you never know what you’re gonna get, considering he has so many personas. he also knows people are obsessed with his belly and he’s just as into it as you. he’ll even remove the gold armor for a softer experience. wants bowser to stomp on him. also wants to stomp on bowser. hates eating bananas but likes having them shoved into his body. probably has a ton of different kinky outfits in his closet. but he's really only obsessed with dk and wants to dom him. would also do it with funky and chunky kong but not be into it as much and would make them pretend to be donkey instead. has pictures of dk in his room. he and dk are at a constant battle of dominance and wits imo, like two looney tunes characters except trying to dom fuck instead of blow each other up. uses bananas and coconuts as subtext and wonders why nobody picks up on it

dracula gets overwhelmingly horny when he’s in his demon form for some reason

and charizard? obviously dom top but secretly likes to bottom sometimes, is sad because no one is brave enough to even ask to top him.

simon and richter just missionary under the blankets with the lights off usually.

ken loves his wife but she’ll let him jack off incineroar sometimes if she gets to watch

the other adult characters strike me as pretty vanilla except maybe wario is into farts or something

[certamen-the-novel]

“I can’t believe I’m doing this crap,” Cass says, tugging at her floor-length Roman-style tunic dress, white with gold accents around the sleeves and neck.

“It’s for a good cause,” Spencer reminds her, adjusting his lyre on his hip and straightening his golden laurel crown.

“Honestly, standing around dressed like a Roman is something I thought I’d be doing more of when I joined the Latin Club, so I’m pretty okay with this,” I say. My toga is voluminous. It’s missing the purple stripe of senatorial authority, which I feel I deserve, and I have to hold my left arm up at a ninety-degree angle to keep it from falling down. I’ve got a stack of fliers in my left hand to make the position seem more natural.

The fliers are why we are here. We’re standing around in Books & More Books, waiting to give them out. The store is going to donate to the Latin Club a percentage of every sale accompanied by a flier on this particular Saturday. The trick is, we’re not allowed to just give people fliers inside the store and ask them to use them. The loophole is, we can tell them about the fundraiser if they’re the ones who ask us.

Hence the costumes. The goal is for people walking by to ask us why we’re dressed up, and then we’re allowed to talk about our Latin program and tell them how they can support it.

The things we do when we desperately need State money.

“I wish one of those sophomore dinks would at least let me wear one of the helmets so I could be Athena the warrior goddess,” Cass complains.

“Just because you have to dress like an actual woman for one afternoon...” Spencer teases.

“I dress like my kind of woman,” Cass spits back.

She mostly wears pants and shorts, with tall, formidable boots. Dark colors and hard edges. It is strange to see her in such dainty clothes, her feet in sandals.

Still, I’m in a toga, so.

Mr. Stanton wanders up. He is not doing his part. He’s in a t-shirt and jeans, because it’s a Saturday.

“When are you putting on one of these togas, Magister?” Spencer asks.

“You know,” he counters, “You guys are a lot worse advertisement when you’re all bunched up in the Ancient Cultures section.”

I’ve been browsing through the History books. Cass and Spencer have been standing idly next to me.

“You should get out there and mingle, like Jeff and the underclassmen,” Mr. Stanton tells us, and walks back away. We stay where we are.

...

On my fifth aimless amble, still with no fliers distributed, I catch sight of Jeff standing by the test prep books. I detour to see what he’s up to.

He’s standing with Mackenzie, his girlfriend. I know her separately, because I’ve been in various classes with her for all of high school. And I know that she and Jeff have been dating forever, in high school terms anyway. But this is one of only a handful of times I’ve ever seen them together. They come to Latin Banquet together, and dance like they’re in church. But I never see them walking down the hallway, arms-around-waists, like most couples. They’re a foot apart now. I can’t even imagine them kissing.

“Salve, Jeff,” I say to him. “Bonjour, ma cherie,” I say to Mackenzie, because she takes French instead of a good language.

“Bonjour, Brian, ça va?” she replies cordially.

“You’ve got me there,” I say. I don’t speak French except for what I know from word roots and what I learned from the Looney Tunes.

“Ma cherie is a bit forward,” she grins.

“Yeah, don’t make me use this thing,” Jeff warns, brandishing his plastic trident. He’s decked out like a gladiator, with trident, net, and roly-poly segmented armor on one arm. Of course we can’t have him dressed fully accurately, because Jeff can’t walk through Books & More Books in nothing but tiny leather briefs. So the gladiator stuff is over his normal polo shirt and jeans.

Spencer passes to our right, sees us, then theatrically swings his whole body around to come toward us.

“Thank the gods, I was afraid we really were going to advertise instead of hang out,” he sighs as he approaches. “Don’t have all these memorized yet?” Spencer teases Mackenzie, who is flipping idly through an SAT guidebook.

Jeff shakes his head. “Just a few more opportunities to get the right score,” he says forlornly.

“Lighten up,” Mackenzie chides him, patting his arm.

Physical affection confirmed!

“Yeah,” Spencer says, “How many spots are you below valedictorian?”[2]

“Six,” Jeff says bitterly.

“Are you trying to kill him?” Mackenzie hisses at Spencer.

“She’s only four,” Jeff tells us.

“You can’t obsess over stuff like that,” she says quietly to him. For a minute they look at each other like we’re not here. Like they’ve had this talk before, and they’ll have it again, and they’re living every one of those instances at once.

“Well, don’t let us interrupt your pillow talk,” Spencer says.

--Brian fund-raises for Latin Club, from Certamen, the only young adult novel about Junior Classical League

[fromtheringapron]

Observations from ‘92 WWF Episodes of Superstars

After years of demand, the WWE Network has finally uploaded episodes of WWF Superstars, although not without a catch. They can’t yet upload any episodes before April 18, 1992, which is when the show’s named was shortened from Superstars of Wrestling to simply Superstars due to some legal wrangling over the “Of Wrestling” part. This date also happens to be just a couple of weeks after I was born, so please begin your conspiracy theories on how these two events are somehow related.

Regardless of the controversy, these episodes are a blast. Each hour is packed with the perfect amount of nostalgia and leaves you wanting more. Wrestling on Saturday mornings as a concept may seem like a such strange one to audiences in 2019, but there’s so much to these episodes that three-hour Monday Night Raws can certainly learn from. It’s also a nice glimpse into what the WWF was like in 1992, which was just as much a transitional year on-screen as it were a tumultuous one off of it. Allegations of steroids and sex abuse had damaged the WWF’s public image, familiar faces who’d been on the roster for the past several years were beginning to disappear seemingly by the week, and the wrestling business in general had entered a recession. Perhaps the biggest game-changer was the absence of Hulk Hogan, which caused Vince McMahon to start shifting focus to the likes of Bret Hart and Shawn Michaels.  

I’ve been breezing on through these episodes as of late. They’re a sweet treat that goes down easy, like a tube of mini M&M’s. I’m up to July 1992 in my binge watch, and here’s the most notable stuff from them so far:

The WBF and Grade-A Beef

The first few months of episodes on the Network are stuffed with Vince hyping his failed venture into bodybuilding, the World Bodybuilding Federation. He can’t stop talking about the weekly show WBF Bodystars, the WBF magazine, and the upcoming the WBF pay-per-view special (which turned out to be a commercial dud and ultimately spelt the end for the organization). Worst of all, he refers to both his wrestlers and bodybuilders as “100% Grade-A Beef” which makes me vomit just thinking about it. Note to anyone: referring to any appendage on your body as any sort of meat is disgusting. Seriously, I get grossed out when dudes on Grindr refer to their piece as “beef.” It’s just not a good look. Interestingly enough, a few of the articles in the WBF magazine talk about the dangers of steroids, which feels like Vince desperately trying to deflect attention of himself. This also marks the beginning of the ICOPRO era and to be honest, all these years later, I still don’t know what the fuck Vince was thinking if he believed the kids in the audience would’ve cared about creatine.

Unscripted Promos

Each episode features cuts to the Event Center hosted by Sean Mooney, where the superstars give promos on their feuds, grudges, house show programs, plans to challenge Bush Sr. and Clinton in the presidential election, etc. The magic of these promos, outside of the excellent characterized green-screen backgrounds, is how unscripted and ad-libbed they are. In a time where superstars are now force fed lines from TV writers, there’s something about this approach that feels so refreshing in contrast. Truthfully, a lot of what comes out of these guys’ mouths is nonsense but, in a way, that’s precisely why it comes off more realistic. If a reporter held a mic to Tom Brady right after his umpteenth Super Bowl win, chances are that he’s not gonna give this five-star, ultra-rehearsed promo. He’ll probably ramble on a bit, give a vaguely satisfying answer, and move on. The characters and storylines are still campy as hell, but still feels like something within the realm of real-time sports. That’s exactly how this era works best.

The Fan Reaction Shots Are Everything

These episodes also unintentionally serve as audiovisual evidence of what human beings in 1992 looked like, in case you didn’t know. As with anything in the early ‘90s, there’s a lot in terms of fashion that still makes everything look like the ‘80s. The hair is still pretty big and teased out, the neon is bright and unrelenting, and you’re bound to find a few dads in the crowd with some pretty thick mustaches (and if there’s isn’t a mustache, you can except some thick-rimmed glasses instead). Crowd reaction shots are an underrated aspect of getting an angle or character to over to the audience. A more modern example would be that shocked, hapless Edvar Munch painting of a man when the Undertaker lost at WrestleMania 30. Here is no exception. I particularly love the shots of terrified children when Papa Shango walks down the aisle, most notably an adorable little red-headed child who looks like he just saw a ghost.  

Cartoon Violence! Cartoon Violence Everywhere!

At some point during the early ‘90s, the WWF had successfully captured the feel of a darkly humorous comic book, and these episodes boast plenty of it. The Berzerker tries to stab The Undertaker with a viking sword! Rick Martel stealing Tatanka’s feathers and blinding him with cologne! The Repo Man hanging the British Bulldog! The Mountie shocking Sgt. Slaughter with a jumbo-sized shock stick! What makes these angles so fun is that they’re completely ridiculous yet manage to stay true to the characters. Of course The Repo Man wouldn’t just use a steel chair or any other ringside weapon on the Bulldog. Of course The Model would try to maim Tatanka while also promoting his signature fragrance. Sure, Lou Thesz wouldn’t have liked it, but you can’t deny it sells the characters to the audience pretty well.

The Papa Shango/The Ultimate Warrior Saga

 And speaking of a darkly humorous comic book, the Papa Shango/Ultimate Warrior feud is perhaps the most infamous of this particular era in Looney Tunes hijinks. As you may know, this involved Shango putting a curse on the Warrior, which later caused the Warrior to spew green vomit Exorcist-style and have black goo drip out of his head. A visual feast, indeed. The craziest part is that none of this resulted in a huge blowoff on TV, which would be considered a cardinal sin in today’s climate. It was instead used to promote house matches between the two. Maybe they thought people in Fort Wayne, Indiana or wherever the fuck would attend their shows hoping Warrior would puke all over them? I don’t know, but I can’t help but the feel all of this was supposed to be some sort of artistic statement. Was this commentary on our collective ennui? A hard look at the appropriation of Haitian voodoo in pop culture? An obscure nod to the then-recent fall of the Soviet Union? Send me your thesis papers, grad students!

The Big Bossman Deserved to Get His Ass Kicked

The Bossman/Nailz feud has aged poorly. It was easier for viewers to gobble up the narrative the WWF were trying to sell back in 1992 but we, in 2019, know better due to the shift in rhetoric surrounding law enforcement and the abuse of power that system can often breed. If you’re not familiar, promos began to air in the spring of ’92 where a mysterious voice accused the Big Bossman of abusing him when he was in prison. The man later turned out to be Nailz, who then attacked the Bossman on an episode of Superstars and gave him an absolutely brutal thrashing. 

And the Bossman deserved it. You see, for as much as Vince McMahon tried selling the Bossman’s innocence, there’s plenty of evidence supporting Nailz’ allegations. From day 1 of his WWF tenure, the Bossman loved to beat poor, defenseless jobbers with his nightstick and handcuff them to the ropes, even when he turned into a happy, smiley babyface. In fact, right before Nailz beats him up, he can be seen taking his anger out on a barely conscious jobber. It’s not that much of a stretch to believe he did the same to several of his inmates in Cobb County. And don’t even get me started on the Confederate flag on the Bossman’s sleeve, or else this post will take a seriously dark turn on the extent of his brutality and prejudice. When you consider all of that, is there any surprise this is the same man who killed Al Snow’s dog and crashed the funeral for Big Show’s dad later in the Attitude Era?

The Tornado’s Last Spin 

I hate to discuss an even darker topic, but I was so stricken by how these episodes are essentially some of the last recorded moments of Kerry Von Erich’s career and, ultimately, his life. It’s often forgotten that he lingered on in the WWF until August of ’92. He was arrested for forging painkiller prescriptions in February, which led to his suspension from the company. He made his return to the ring two months later and would toil around on the undercard for the next four months before leaving/getting released altogether. It’s next-level tragic to watch him cut promos on repurposing his life toward God and his family, knowing he’s making allusions to all the trouble he’s found himself in. It’s even sadder knowing how much more trouble he’d find himself in before his untimely death, including a possible prison sentence that, had he served fully, wouldn’t have seen him released just a few years ago. 

The Jobbers Are Ugly

This is going to sound mean, but the jobbers on these shows are not attractive men. I mean, seriously, some of these dudes look like they just got off their shift at the local liquor store before they hit the arena for their scheduled thrashing. I do wonder how much of this was a deliberate choice by the bookers themselves. You need guys who are going to make Nailz and Sgt. Slaughter look appealing by comparison because that only enhances their star power. The lone exception to this rule is Ron Cumberledge, who would be classified as a hunk in any decade. A true renaissance journey man.

Squash Matches Galore

Even if you’re only slightly familiar with the WWF’s old syndicated weekend shows, you’d know most of the matches were these quick squashes where a superstar would easily trounce one of the jobbers I discussed previously. Matches between name superstars would only happen occasionally on TV, as it this was still an era where those were kept to draw buys to pay-per-views and house shows. While it would be highly unrealistic for the WWE to just revert back to them 100%, and they still do them on the main roster occasionally, it’s definitely something they’d benefit using more. And don’t just give your top talent squares either. In these episodes, Virgil gets squash matches. The Bushwhackers get squash matches. Repo Man gets squash matches. Obviously none of these guys were key players or anything, but it still gave them TV time and wins under their belt. Imagine if they did that today for, like, No Way Jose or Dana Brooke. It doesn’t seem like much, but it goes a long way in building credibility to your roster.

So that’s that. Or at least for now, anyway. I’ve still got plenty more episodes to watch for 1992, and who knows? Maybe in the future the Network will upload episodes from 1993, 1994, and so on. In the meantime, I’ll go back to chilling out, binge-watching, and daydreaming about Ron Cumberledge.