#I need more aro friends

[redysetdare]

enough stories about how someone learns to truely be happy through love. i want a story where someone is desperately seeking out love thinking it's the only way to be happy only for them to learn by the end that happiness is what they make of it and they don't need love at all to make it.

[kitsu-katsu]

No but I hate so much the fact that the amatonormative relationship hierarchy is so strong that romantic relationships are always referred to as More Than Friends™

If two friends seem to be forming a romantic relationship, it can't just be that the relationship is shifting into something a bit different, it is strictly More, and it's especially more not only compared to what the people involved had before, but it's also more than any other platonic relationship they hold. Other friends are expected to "know their place" in the relationship hierarchy despite sharing many more years of a connection with the people involved, because if the romantic relationship is More, then their platonic bond is Less, and it's just how it "should be" and if people get sad that their friend is isolating to their romantic partner only, restricted to only doing what they want to do, stopping speaking to them if their partner chooses so, leaving them behind all of a sudden because they are strictly Less Important, then they are actually ridiculous and should control their emotions because "of course you're less than their new partner"

And this then also translates to people not breaking off toxic, unhealthy or just simply incompatible due to life circumstances romantic relationships because then "they'll lose their partner". Because they already became More, so if they break it off, they'll become Less again and that's scary, and it can never be the same, because it's not just a simple shift where in many cases things don't even change that much, no, if they shift again they're essentially "breaking something sacred", something coveted, they're destroying the whole bond in every which way by Becoming Less. Not even getting into how society expects people to hate their ex-partners, or at the very least be very awkward about them, so people at large really cannot fathom the fact that maybe the change of relationship title was mostly just that and didn't change the dynamic so drastically that changing it back to "just" friends also wouldn't shake the foundations of the interpersonal bond at all. No, if they shake things up, they'll irrevocably lose their partner, they can never talk the same again, they can't share a laugh, they can't coexist as they did because now they're Less

And how this also impacts how people from outside claim to know more about the nature of a relationship than the people in it. Because "You're acting like More", "You can't really think that you're Just friends", "Look at them, 'Just Friends' don't do that, what they have is Deeper, it's More" or on the other side "You don't act like More, how can you say that you're partners? That's not a Real Relationship"

This devalues all types of relationships. People aren't allowed to put the title they want on it themselves. If you want something that's not either like a QPR you're breaking every rule and "actually it's Just a Friendship" or "actually you're just scared to call it romantic because you gave commitment issues but it is". And the people who buy into the More and Deeper can get so wrapped up in that ONE bond being More Than Any Other, that if it breaks, they've isolated themselves into it and pushed their friends away for so long that not it actually became the One Bond they had left

It damages Everyone

[contagious-watermelon]

straight trans guys & aro trans guys solidarity. weird that my whole life I've been expected to be into dudes and now that I'm a guy the lgbts also want me to be into dudes or else they don't really think of me as one of them

and while I'm not attracted to anybody and straight trans dudes are attracted to women, i feel like we're in the same boat here. too queer for the straights and too straight for the queers

[turtleblogatlast]

Don’t think I ever quite said what my LGBTQ+ headcanons are for the boys, so these are my current thoughts! Always changing of course but this is what I feel most strongly right now.

[nightfallsystem]

i love aromantic people . (biasd) bcuz honestly the community helped me get rid of my amatonormativity and everyone needs to get rid of their amatonormativity

[nosleep83]

Fellow aromantics I think tomorrow we should all use Valentine’s Day to treat ourselves to some self love. Go steal some chocolate or smth. Take a bath. We deserve it

[pangyham]

GAH LONG POST..

xingqiu and chongyun have insanely good potential for angst my god. xingqiu in particular is so fun to think about in the context of chongyun. what do YOU know about chivalry boy

thinking about how he and hu tao kinda operate on similar notions of justice and all that shmick except hu tao is more strictly averse to disrupting the Natural Order (incredibly vague and generalized concept rn sorry) whilst xingqiu sets his principles more arbitrarily. chongyun's presence somehow foils a lot of his notable character traits. gestures hands vaguely in the air but sth sth hu tao would not approve of xq's moral infractions

perhaps im just reading too deep into this but shrugs ill admit something's changed in Me the last 2 years and coming back to xq and cy has me like. scratches head now hold on im not entirely sure if i even like the way xq treats cy. its kinda one of the main points of their dynamic- the whole.. pranking this oblivious guy who i really adore etc. but its deeper implications leave me a little unsatisfied and a little troubled (?).. in the long run i personally dont really see anything substantially appealing about their (leaning towards romantic in this context) relationship other than like ?? the tropes that mhy imposed upon them. they were created as a compatible Duo ykwim. they reference each other a lot in their lore and even in-game but.. idk maybe i just view them separately instead of a joint unit that anaylzing them individually revealed a lot of crevices and cracks in their ship that's built upon their mainstream appeal

but anyway i've thought a lot about them as a duo and is it nuts to say i like them as a romantic ship but if they were unrequited. i can see them working out but it necessitates a complete subversion and reconstruction of xingqiu (chara development basically LOL) on my part that i would totally invest myself in but im not entirely sure how to execute it

i like xingqiu a LOT as a flawed character. i wouldnt go as far as to say hes toxic, just very conflicted and insecure. hes a fun character to think about. re: the hu tao bit i mentioned above, i think they would have a really fun, witty, and transformative friendship

but anyway. yes i like xq and i still like xy. theyre just a bit more complicated now aha. im still capable of enjoying fluffy ship dynamics but lately ive been in a Character Study Mood ... mmm.. ive yet to organize my chongming thoughts

[da-janela-lateral]

I have to write Tsubomi-centric fic I need to...........

[redysetdare]

I think i just need to express that the culture surrounding QPRs right now made me think that i couldn't have strong bonds with my friends. Society told me i cant have strong bonds with friends because that was only for romantic relationships. Then i went into aro spaces and this idea was reinforced using QPRs instead of romantic relationships. it was "You can still have strong bonds with people without romance! It can just be a QPR instead!" "QPRs are MORE than friendship so you can have STRONGER BONDS than you would with friends."

it made me think that the relationships i wanted with my friends HAD to be something other than friendship for it to be as strong as i wanted. If i wanted to be the first person in someones life i had to enter some sort of committed relationship. if I wanted someone to care about me as strongly as i did them then it would have to be a relationship that was "more" than friendship.

I thought I wanted a QPR because i was told the only way to get that care and security that I wanted was to enter into a relationship that was "more" than friendship. because friends didn't care that much. because friends didn't live together their entire lives. because friends were never the priority relationship wise. and it took me years to realize that i didn't want any partnership and i shouldn't have to be in one to want these things from a friend. these things CAN be something friends can do. but i found that out on my own. because the aro community kept saying "you want a QPR" when i just wanted a friend who finally saw me as a priority in their life.

[vole-mon-amour]

I think I'm getting sick of "just a friend" and "romantic partners are more important than platonic friendship" undertones.

[wayfinderships]

I'll be so doomed the day I ever get a girl f/o

[the-patrex]

Im going on tinder date after tinder date lately and hoping against all hope I find myself a freak

[ratinthevoid]

why did i believe i can ever come out to her

[wastinawaaay]

jason todd does not need new friends new team new costume new romantic plot he just needs a fucking decent writer

[ilovedthestars]

thinking about how the defining characteristic of my closest relationships is that I can say “this thing you’re doing/saying is hurting me,” and they know I know they would never do that on purpose, so they can go straight to, “what can I do to change that?”

[unorthodox-soundwave]

Lyrics That Have Aro Vibes™ from Songs I Like

i dunno how many of these are meant to be aro--probably none--but i don't care. they are aro now. even if it doesn't really make sense in the full song. they're aro because i said so.

(cutoff bc it's a sorta-long post)

Turning Out - AJR

"Am I ready for love? / Or maybe just a best friend / Should there be a difference / Do you have instructions?"

Turning Out Pt. ii - AJR

"I think I probably wasn't in love with you / I think I probably loved the idea of you"

Crush Culture - Conan Gray

"And no one cares if you two made out / I'm sick of the kissing cult" (this one was very hard to pick a lyric from but i think this is the most fitting for today specifically)

I Don't Need Your Love - SIX

"That I don't need your love, no, no / I don't need your love, no, no"

When - Dodie

"I think I've been telling lies / 'Cause I've never been in love"

Crush - Tessa Violet

"But that's not what I wanna do now / And I'm not tryna be with you now, you now"

Oh No! - Marina and The Diamonds

"TV taught me how to feel"

FRIENDS - Anne-Marie & Marshmello

"You say you love me, I say you crazy / We're nothing more than friends"