#I need his gen]der

[pictuajjx]

oh god I want him

[german-enthusiast]

German Youtuber Reccomendation: Marti Fischer

mentioning Marti Fisher in a post just now, i feel i need to suggest him in general to people who think they might enjoy watching someone play around with music.

He's a musical multitalent and has been on youtube since 2007!

Back then

he became famous for his imitations ("Wunschimitationen" on YT) but especially his parody of "Chabos wissen wer der Babo ist" (a German rap song by Haftbefehl, on of the biggest German rappers at the time) which, as a German Gen Z individual, i feel is an essential part of the German Experience

Wunschimitationen (Spongebob):

(in the intro here he imitates Stefan Raab, a now retired but very famous German game show host. Imitations start at 00:43)

Chabos wissen, wer der Babo ist (Original by Haftbefehl. The title means sth like "Bros know who the boss is". Haftbefehl = "arrest warrant")

Chabos wissen, wer der Babo ist (Swing/Jazz Version by Marti Fischer)

Nowadays

he makes videos about music, current music trends, song making, as well as a series called "[song] in 5 different styles"

I can especially recommend that series. He plays around with music, shows how he gets from A to B, and is generally a super upbeat and incredibly skilled and knowledgeable guy.

I also think those videos are nice for German Learners, because the music is tangible and fun, and he talks about what he does as he's doing it, while keeping it dynamic (and it's aimed at natives! :)

[metamatar]

https://www.jstor.org/stable/3174605 I think you'll like this :D

You were right. From the 1990's, so maybe this marks a seminal and widely known advance in gender construction for intersexed infants now but it is so revealing. Quotes pulled below.

Current attitudes toward the intersex condition are primarily influenced by three factors. First are the extraordinary advancements in surgical techniques and endocrinology in the last decade. For example, female genitals can now be constructed to be indistinguishable in appearance from normal natural ones. Some abnormally small penises can be enlarged with the exogenous application of hormones, although surgical skills are not sufficiently advanced to construct a normal-looking and functioning penis out of other tissue. Second, in the contemporary United States the influence of the feminist movement has called into question the valuation of women according to strictly reproductive functions, and the presence or absence of functional gonads is no longer the only or the definitive criterion for gender assignment. Third, contemporary psychological theorists have begun to focus on "gen- der identity" (one's sense of oneself as belonging to the female or male category) as distinct from "gender role" (cultural expectations of one's behavior as "appropriate" for a female or male). The relevance of this new gender identity theory for rethinking cases of ambiguous genitals is that gender must be assigned as early as possible in order for gender identity to develop successfully. As a result of these three factors, intersexuality is now considered a treatable condition of the genitals, one that needs to be resolved expeditiously.

...

Almost all of the published literature on intersexed infant case management has been written or cowritten by one researcher, John Money, professor of medical psychology and professor of pediatrics, emeritus, at the Johns Hopkins University and Hospital, where he is director of the Psychohormonal Research Unit. Even the publications that are produced independently of Money reference him and reiterate his management philosophy. Although only one of the physicians interviewed publishes with Money, all of them essentially concur with his views and give the impression of a consensus that is rarely encountered in science. The one physician who raised some questions about Money's philosophy and the gender theory on which it is based has extensive experience with intersexuality in a nonindustrialized culture where the infant is managed differently with no apparent harm to gender development. Even though psychologists fiercely argue issues of gender identity and gender role development, doctors who treat intersexed infants seem untouched by these debates. There are no renegade voices either from within the medical establishment or, thus far, from outside. Why Money has been so single-handedly influential in promoting his ideas about gender is a question worthy of a separate substantial analysis

...

The geneticist argued that when parents "change a diaper and see genitalia that don't mean much in terms of gender assignment, I think it prolongs the negative response to the baby…. If you have clitoral enlargement that is so extraordinary that the parents can't distinguish between male and female, it is sometimes helpful to reduce that somewhat so that the parent views the child as female." Another physician concurred: parents "need to go home and do their job as child rearers with it very clear whether it's a boy or a girl."

...

Money's case management philosophy assumes that while it may be difficult for an adult male to have a much smaller than average penis, it is very detrimental to the morale of the young boy to have a micropenis.In the former case the male's manliness might be at stake, but in the latter case his essential maleness might be. Although the psychological consequences of these experiences have not been empirically documented, Money and his colleagues suggest that it is wise to avoid the problems of both the micropenis in childhood and the still undersized penis postpuberty by reassigning many of these infants to the female gender.

[savyir-genesizz-the-wizard]

🌈PRIDE OC ASKS!

azya: 3, 8, 11

pig: 4, 5, 6

wolf: 1, 3, 5

aaand 18, 21

Azya Zaavim (check "read more" for some lore)

3) I suppose that he always knew that he's into men. He probably saw some musician in a magazine at a certain age lol.

8) He never did, really. He grew up with a foster family and lost contact with them when he moved to the capital with his adopted sister, who was very much ok with anything he did. So did his band really. Most prominent musicians in Ajidiali are queer. He did have some issues with his party members tho since while Ecres just calls itself an "agral union" they have a lot of conservative members.

11) He doesn't feel the need to talk about it much. There's no systematic homophobia in Ajidiali so. He probably would be more open about it if he lived in our world and use his platform to speak about queer rights. He will talk about his husband a lot if asked. He's a divorce lawer!

Pig

4) When she used to be in the army it was... well, as unsupportive as could be, really. After deserting she was mostly a loner before meeting Steel Soldier and Unit 81, and then Blink and the rest of the gang, who are all very supportive people. A lot of her hypersexuality is just posturing but she've made a lot of friends in various lesbian bars around the Solar system.

Here's a bonus "before" and "now":

5) Uh, I dunno. Came to me in a vision, like with most of my ocs.

6) She would never police other people but about herself... She would say that she's "bisexual but men don't dig this handsome face anymore". It's a short response that works for her well enough.

Wolf Tangermann

1) "Oh, my gen-der? What, you want to steal it? To black-mail me? Well, you won't get it!" There are two theories on its gender - some say that it's simply hiding it, as it hides any other information about itself, and some say that it doesn't have it. Have it lost it? Who can say. Maybe it has just discarded it, like a snake discards it's skin.

3) In truth, it itself doesn't know. It's certain that it known it while on the surface but perhaps some things are better left behind.

5) I didn't and I think that it actually fits it well.

18) I figure them out eventually, like any other part of their character. Generally, I think that oc's relationship, or lack there of, to a label is more important than the label itself.

21) Below the cut 👇

Family structures and queerness in Ajidiali

As the concept of "sexuality" as known in modern western society is quite new on our Earth, I've decided that in Ajidiali it's nonexistent, outside of academic fields. An Ajidialian would rather use a word "preference".

- Mountain people

Mostly monogamous. Households are mostly isolated so close family lives far away from other people (around half a day of walking). It is however possible to "swap" wife (or husband in more matrialchal groups) with another couple, if both parties agree. Parents usually live with the adult youngest child. First marriage is expected to be heterosexual but one can "swap wife for a husband" (tho this is frown upon if it's done before having at least one older child). In modern day, swapping is less common, as parents don't have this much say in what the original marriage should look like.

- River people

Mostly polygamous, living in groups of 3 adults (two women and one man or two men and one woman) per house + one women's parents (as it's usually their house). Taking care of children is a community's job. Small kids can choose where they want to sleep and play but teenagers are expected to stick to one household (of their choice). This is to this day the most common family structure in the country, both on the country side and in the cities. People who don't want to have children of their own are still expected to take care of other's small kids but not of teenagers and are expected to live in monogamous relationships or remain single.

How a household itself functions is very much dependand on a region and group. These marriages are to this day often arranged and romantic love within them is not generally expected. Everything outside of these 3 people households, or changing their inside rules, is what is considered to be "queer".

- Sea people

Most of their family habits were lost when that started to consider themselves as part of Ajidiali. The main differences from River people are that they are more often patriarchal and queer people tend to be more isolated from the community.

- Ex-nomads

Despite being a completely different group, they don't have much differences from the River people either. They have lost a lot of their culture when they abandoned their nomad lifestyle. However, their differences are more noticable - their family units are bigger (usually 4-6 adults with their parents) and there is less pressure on having children (which seems to not impact the demography).

[naladot]

Hey! Maybe it’s a long shot but if you’re still taking fic prompts, could you do one of dasey inspired by taylor swift’s “the great war”? Cause I read the one you wrote inspired on “you are in love” and loved it so much!!

It took a minute but I did it!! I hope you like this ficlet I just dashed off!

My hand was the one you reached for | Derek/Casey (mostly gen) | 810 words | rated g

.

“Do you want to talk about it?”

It’s after midnight. Derek’s not really used to Casey peeking her head into his room at this time of night, and absolutely not when she’d been yelling at him just a couple hours ago. (He’d asked if Max made an effort to pretend like he listened when Casey talked or if he just ignored her—a serious question, and not his fault that Casey took it so personally.)

“No,” he answers, without looking up from the textbook on his lap. He hasn’t managed to read past the first sentence in the last hour since he announced that he needed to go do homework, which had elicited a genuine gasp from Nora.

“It might help if we talk about it,” Casey continues, taking a tentative step into the room.

“It won’t. You can close the door on your way out.”

“Der-ek,” she says softly, not moving to leave.

He sighs and rubs a palm over his face. She won’t leave unless he gives her a reason to. Annoying. “My mom is like this, okay? I don’t need to talk about it.”

Casey does close his door, now, but she’s on the wrong side of it. He wants to get up and push her out of the room, but he doesn’t really have the energy and when she’s hellbent on “family bonding,” he has to be a lot meaner than usual to battle her off. Maybe he should be ashamed of himself for letting her win this one. It happens way too often these days.

She doesn’t say anything though. She straightens her shoulders and then crosses the room to sit herself primly on the end of his bed. She doesn’t look at him or speak, and a strange sense of—something spreads through him. Relief? Affection? No way, definitely not.

But it’s weirdly nice to no longer be alone.

When she speaks, she doesn’t push him to open up like she expects. Instead she twists one hand around the other, her eyes focused somewhere above his computer.

“My dad is seeing someone,” she says.

“Oh,” Derek says, not sure what else to say.

She glances over at him, her chin jutting out in a weird way that suggests she’s fighting off tears. This normally bothers him but this time he holds still, waiting for whatever she’ll say next.

“It’s—fine, I guess. He just told me and Lizzie,” she continues. “I found out the woman he’s seeing has two kids around our age.”

“Ouch,” Derek says, suddenly understanding. He waits for Casey to get mad at him, but she gives a weak smile and shrugs.

“Yeah,” she says very softly. “I just keep wondering if…”

She trails off and doesn’t finish, but he hears her thoughts in the silence. It’s the same thing with his mom—after months of planning for him to go to Mexico with her over the summer, she pulls the plug like it’s no big deal. He’s been saving for it, and worse, he actually wanted it. His fault. He should have known better.

“I don’t think Nora would have been happy in New York,” he says.

“No,” Casey agrees. “But still.”

He doesn’t say anything, trying to imagine the McDonald nuclear family living in some high-rise apartment. He can’t quite picture it—can’t picture this house without them, can’t picture living here without Casey anymore. He’s imagined that reality so many times that he doesn’t know how to feel to discover he can’t imagine it in this moment, like the other was just a daydream but this, a real alternate reality they might have had, feels impossible.

“So that’s what’s going on with me,” Casey says. She looks at him, her eyes luminous. “You okay?”

“I’m good,” he answers—quickly, but without malice.

He watches her contemplate something for a moment, chewing at her bottom lip, and then she seems to make up her mind and reaches out for his hand currently holding the textbook. Maybe she just intended to pat his hand or something, but instead she sort of clutches at his fist. He doesn’t know if he should let go of the book to hold her hand or—what, but now they’re both looking at her hand over his.

And in a split second, he once again wishes the McDonalds did not live in his house.

“Um,” Casey says. “I just wanted to make sure you were okay, and, um—” She pats his hand a couple times, neither of them daring to look at each other. “And, yeah.”

She gets up and leaves in a hurry, giving him just a glimpse of her flushed face before the door closes behind her with a soft click.

Derek leans his head back against his headboard and closes his eyes. There was more than one reason he’d wanted to get out of the house for the summer.

[berrysphase]

tagged by @lazaefair and @astrabear. Thank you! I have been absolutely steamrollered by work recently, and it is nice to know that people still remember I occasionally write fic.

Rules: Pick any ten of your fics, scroll roughly to the midpoint, pick a line (or three) and share it. Then tag ten people.

Season of mists and mellow fruitfulness (The Old Guard, Joe/Nicky, Quynh, Andy)

"You didn't like the chestnuts," Nicolò murmured later. He was solid and warm against Yusuf, and their blankets were cozy, and Yusuf was starting to feel less grouchy about the lurking prospect of winter.

In some coming wind (The Old Guard, Joe/Nicky)

(I don't know why but this one has always been so hard to pick lines from. they all look flat to me when taken out. idk. this is from pretty close to halfway through chapter two)

"Sawda," Nicolò said, with the kind of relentless gentleness it was hard to turn aside, and Yusuf said, "We spent six weeks on the road because you asked for help. Don't tell us we cannot help you now."

cardinality (The Old Guard, ensemble gen)

"It's how I do, anyway," Josef said, bright eyes very sincere in the fading light. "Life by life, how else would you make the measure of man?"

How else? How else -- Sebastien knew plenty of safe, everyday ways to measure men. His -- he didn't know what to call them, his comrades in arms, he supposed -- they did not do too badly for dinner companions, now that they weren't awkwardly shifting around in their chairs and avoiding his wife's eyes.

A friend indeed (Silmarillion, Fingon/Maedhros)

"Oh -- politics!" Findekáno said, frustrated and dismayed. It was an unexpected sting, that Maitimo still felt the need to walk so carefully around their grandfather with him. "I came to you as a friend, I absolve you of politics."

Where there's smoke (The Old Guard meets Cadfael)

Startled, Cadfael glanced up, and was taken aback by the sheer fury in Nicolò's face.

"Ah," said Cadfael, and shifted Wadih so that his full weight fell onto Nicolò.

Across so wide a sea (Silmarillion, Finrod & Galadriel)

It was a perilous vision and very fair, and it had pulled at him, as if Artanis had caught his own breath up in it; and he did not know whether this was part of her art, or because he too had dreamt, from time to time, of greater glories than what might come to him in gentle summer days. But those were dreams, and he had never once thought of leaving.

A story for twilight (Silmarillion, Maedhros & Finarfin)

"Since we find," he was saying, "that this is the only way we can give our swords to their cause, which yet was first our own."

Fimbulwinter (Der Ring Das Nibelungen, Sieglinde)

"Traveller, I have not met your like," said the giantess. "You are dead, but not newly; you are mortal, but you stink of the gods."

"I had not thought," Sieglinde said, "that your mistress was choosy."

"It is true: death, fast or slow, is remorseless, and gods fall even as mortals do. Yet those whom the gods love seldom come up this road. State your name and business, or linger until you can."

The veins of a leaf (Les Mis, Grantaire & Combeferre, very very AU)

Sunlight woke her. She made a noise and rolled away, and sat up abruptly when she remembered it was not her bed. Sun streamed in through the open window, sun and with it the scent of grass, and the noisy morning argument of birds asserting their territory to the far corners of the world. Hyeon-su had already gone, and the duvet on his side of the bed was pulled neatly up.

A previous near-miss with history (Les Mis, Marius & Courfeyrac)

"Mmm," said Marius, with muddy, uncharitable reluctance. Prouvaire carelessly threw out in conversation the kind of lines that Marius had to stay up late at night to assemble painstakingly from pieces, and glowed with purpose besides; talking to him left Marius feeling wan and clumsy. Marius touched the coins in his pocket again, thinking, this, this is mine, I earned this with the fruit of my own thought; and said, impulsively, "But, Bossuet, Courfeyrac, forgive me, I couldn't help overhearing -- were you in need of money?"

As usual I am doing memes late and am not sure who would like to be tagged who hasn't been: here are some tags, if you want to play @robertawickham @circumference-pie @artificialities @undercat-overdog @clothonono

[pretendfan]

{ Liquid Dreams }

(This is my first Workaholics fic, if anyone reads this I will be so happy, because the story is ridiculous and their fandom isn’t on here, helloooooo anyone, but I love these dudes so much, rewatching the show has landed me here so enjoy…this is also posted on AO3)

Gen:

Anders Holmvik/Blake Henderson/Adam DeMamp

Story:

(What happens when you add dem boyz and a pile of old Cosmopolitan magazines?)

(This story answers that question and more…)

♥️5K♥️

WARNINGS 18 PLUS : mentions of cranking it, drug use, drinking alcohol, let’s talk about sex, bro humour, swearing aplenty, very much like an episode of the show, the dudes learn somethings, Adam is misogynistic, Blake is a babe, Anders is such a dad…

“I can’t help you there dude you are just gonna have to decide for yourself.” Adam DeMamp explains with a shrug as he roller blades confidently in the street, next to his best bud who was biting his bottom lip deep in thought.

“Yeah but what if the pills actually work and they make my hog bigger?” Blake Henderson questions whilst performing a quick spin, as if to prove his point that the subscription was a really fucking good idea.

“It definitely wouldn’t be able to fit in those pants of yours, because why are they so tight you need to really give your balls some breathing room!” Adam declares loudly skating ahead whilst holding his arms high above his head.

“My boxers are loose enough but that isn’t the question, what I’m asking-“

“Is if pills to enlarge your dick will work or better yet you can just get a pump and we can share it!” Adam stops suddenly and Blake almost crashes into him, but breaks just in time for the battered cart that he was pulling along, to bash pretty hard against his leg.

“I love you dude truly, but neither you or Anders would ever use my dick pump if I bought one-“

“That’s just selfish-“

“Dude, where the hell is this garden stuff you saw that was free to take?” Blake cuts off Adam before he starts to whine, because soon the tantrums would begin and it was too early for any of that bullshit.

“Just along here bro calm down-“

“I haven’t had my red bull yet dude so I’m still tired.” Blake groans at the same time that he notices Adam pulling an uninterested face in return.

“Oh, I’m sorry that I rushed into your room and excitedly told you all about the incredible treasures that I had found!” Adam retorts whilst throwing his hands back up in the air in exasperation.

“No, you just jumped on my bed Adam and punched me until I woke up, also interrupting my pretty sweet dream-“

“We can’t all dream like you Blake, are we not men of action?” Adam cuts off his friend with a confident smirk.

“My dream was very important actually involving Nickelodeon slime, the bright green kind and one of my favourites Lacey Jams.” Blake informs Adam who of course isn’t listening as he sets off again on his blades.

“Cool story bro.” Adam chants as they both avoid a passing car, the driver rewarding them with a weird look but neither of them cared.

“We are allowed to blade on the street sir!” Blake announces waving at the guy who just continues to drive ahead, whilst Adam flips him the bird.

“Stupid drivers-“ Begins Adam but then he suddenly points ahead and shouts “There’s the treasure!”

Blake follows his roommate and stops in front of a house which was of course way tidier than theirs, with tall dark green bushes out front that framed the house, completed perfectly by the pile of old crap sitting next to the curb.

“Dude, this is junk-“

“Yeah, but it’s all ours Blake!” Adam cheers cutting off his curly haired friend, who gives him a disbelieving look right back.

“How are we getting all this back to the house? Shouldn’t we have asked Ders to help us.” Blake questions still not fully awake because he was tired and of course horny, but Adam had ruined his chances of waking up in a good mood.

“Blake, that’s why you’ve got that cart dude are you even on board with this-“

“I don’t even know what day it is.” Blake mutters whilst brushing his mess of hair back with both hands.

“Come on, let’s go! It will only take a couple of trips and look haven’t you seen the inflatables?” Adam questions with a faux shocked voice.

“I bet they are all busted-“

“Dude, stop being a buzz kill” snaps Adam literally stamping one of his feet, which almost causes him to fall flat on his ass but Blake grabs his arm to save him.

“I just wanted a few more minutes alone in bed-“

“To jerk it? Is this all because you haven’t had any hand fun yet, come on Blake I’ve done it three times already.” Jokes Adam with loud laugh.

“How the hell could I when you fucking woke me up?” Blake questions beyond frustrated right now as he asks “Can we just get this done because Ders is gonna start wondering where the hell we are.”

“Just promise me that as soon as we’re finished you go take a shower and treat yourself, use some of Anders lotion in the bathroom.” Adam smiles happily at Blake who grins back equally amused.

“You mean the green bottle-“

“Yeah, do you use it as well then?” Adam asked with an arched eyebrow.

“Dude, I’ve had to replace it-“

“No shit!” Laughs Adam as he bends down to pick up a deflated palm tree, complete with muddy grime on it, but throwing it in their pool would clean it up of course.

“Let’s not tell Ders about that though-“

“Of course not, bro code or some shit.” Adam cuts off Blake with a firm nod adding “Now grab some damn stuff and let’s go!”

“It is a really nice lotion though.” Chuckles back Blake as he picks up a patio umbrella, with a large palm tree design on it clearly these people liked a theme.

In the end it takes the pair over two hours to get all the stuff, with Ders saying he wouldn’t help them he was clearly too busy and the pair of course needing a blunt break, because Blake had been verging on battering Adam with one of the garden chairs they had taken.

Finally with all the treasures out the back as Adam called them, Blake however just saw it as junk but a beat up plastic grey box held a degree of interest, yet right now all he really cared about was finally taking a shower.

It had actually been fun to skate back and forth, well once the weed had kicked in he felt better for a while, until Adam had started talking about a pool party that they should totally have next weekend.

Which sounded dope but from previous experience it was always a sausage fest, and all Blake wanted to see were chicks in bikini’s for once, the thought makes a warm heat spread across his stomach.

Noticing Adam saluting him with a beer from the kitchen Blake nods with a cheeky smirk, as he heads into the bathroom whilst trying to decide, what scenario to use in his head first because he was a guy who liked a storyline after all.

“Don’t be too long in there!” Anders states when he hears the bathroom door lock, glancing back at Adam who has a funny look on his face.

“Give the dude a break he hasn’t cranked it yet today-“

“But hadn’t we all agreed that the shower was off limits?” Cuts in Anders in a warning tone.

“Sure, but you can’t tell me that you don’t pay extra special attention to your little guy in the shower!” Adam retorts with a snort like an amused warthog.

“Of course I fucking do that’s why my favourite lotion is in there-“

“Is that the one in the green bottle?” Adam asks innocently but fails as a grin spreads across his face.

“Please tell me you don’t-“

“I bet Blake is using it right now.” Adam cuts off Ders whilst grabbing another beer from the fridge beside him.

“Is nothing sacred in this house?” Snaps Anders who walks out of the kitchen angrily.

“I also use your laptop Ders.” Adam mutters to himself with a chuckle, because they didn’t hide anything here, and his tall roommate had all the important passwords.

It is late afternoon when the guys regroup again with Adam having set up the junk out in the yard, the lawn chairs and umbrella out alongside various inflatables which included a pizza and pink dolphin, all of which were half blown up in the pool.

“How romantic.” Anders deadpans as he steps out into the yard, noticing the dented metal table and blue plastic kid’s pool, which Adam had half filled with snacks.

“I like to wine and dine, before I sixty nine dude you know this.” Adam chirps happily as he sits down at the edge of the pool, shirtless of course dipping his toes into the warm water.

“When ever have you-“

“Ugh I feel so much better after that nap, because I was definitely sleepy after my shower!” Blake announces cutting off whatever Ders had been saying with a grin on his face.

“Yeah, let’s hope I have some fucking body lotion left-“

“Adam, you told on me?” Blake questions whilst trying to not look caught out when clearly he already was.

“Wait a sec-“

“Neither of you can ever go near my lotion again.” Anders states with a stern look as his eyes scan, from stupid Adam to Blake who was pulling a ridiculous face.

“Now that’s all cleared up, permission to join the party now dudes?” Blake asks with a smile as Adam holds a thumb up, and Ders mutters something about going to grab some beers.

“Permission granted, now let’s play a few slam dunks over the pool before the pizza gets here!” Adam demands whilst spinning round to get out of the pool, only to slip and fall back in sideways which makes Blake laugh loudly.

“Zero points for that dismount dude!” Blake yells at the same time that Adam raises his head above water spluttering all the while.

“All part of my plan, because if there were any chicks here right now they would all jump in and rescue me.” Adam shouts and coughs as he doggy paddles to the edge of the pool.

“Sure buddy-“

“Ready for some beers dudes?” Cuts in Anders reappearing with a large red cooler, placing it down on top of the plastic grey box, beside the palm tree umbrella.

Before anyone can reply there is a crash and the box breaks, causing the cooler to tip but Anders grabs it before the contents is spilled, although he wasn’t really looking because something else had suddenly caught his eye.

“What broke-“

“Guys, we’ve hit jackpot!” Anders announces cutting off Blake as he bends down to pick up a magazine, turning it round to show the guys who glance at one another awkwardly.

“Want some fashion tips Ders?” Adam questions with a scoff as his friend sighs, whilst Ders continues to wave the copy of Cosmopolitan excitedly in his hand.

“No wait, don’t they have like these sex quizzes in those things?” Blake asks out loud causing Adam to slow clap and Anders to flip the magazine open.

“Ten ways to impress your man-“

“Erm, I’m not into that dude.” Adam shakes his head firmly noticing the look on Blake’s face.

“But we can learn what women would do to us, if we ever met any and managed to actually bring them back here.” Blake states sarcastically the thought bumming him out momentarily.

“This could help us then!” Anders demands closing the magazine gently, like he didn’t want to leave sticky finger prints on any of the pages.

“Yeah to jerk off later to-“

“That’s a given, but for now we could learn something from these shiny magazines.” Anders states looking down to see more in the broken box, alongside an empty bottle of wine, also a photocopied picture of what looked like bridesmaids.

“Well I get first dibs because it’s my treasure after all!” Adam informs them both with an ached eyebrow and a challenging look on his face.

“Dude I helped you.” Blake reminds him lamely.

“Stop guys! Let’s just sit here and start looking there seems to be a whole bunch of them, and a picture of some random bridesmaids.” Anders nods with an excited smile on his face.

“I call dibs on the bridesmaids!” Blake raises a hand excitedly whilst Adam rolls his eyes.

“Fine, but for now let’s crack open a few beers and take a couple of quizzes.” Ders smirks as he takes a seat, on one of the old lawn chairs, praying silently that it won’t break on him.

“We are definitely not telling anyone about this-“

“Of course not dude, now shut up and sit down!” Blake informs Adam as they sit down on a chair and the cooler separately, grabbing a magazine each from the messy pile on the floor.

Silence fills the backyard as the guys look at their magazines, each with their own mixed thoughts until eventually the door bell rings, and finally Blake looks away in time to catch the pizza dude.

Hurrying back in Blake dumps the pizza on top of the cooler, taking a seat on the floor instead as he watches Ders lift up the box lid and they all dive in, still silent neither of them glancing at one another just lost in the pages under their noses.

“Oh there are so many hot women in these magazines-“

“Fully clothes sadly.” Adam cuts off Blake as dusk starts settling in, and he quickly looking up to pour out some beer in honour of his loss.

“Yeah, but check out some of the sex pages they have a lot of toys.” Anders nods with a smirk, glancing at his friends who chuckle back like awkward teenagers.

“My flesh-light is way better than any rabbit toy!” Adam announces as he reads something and then asks “Hey, where is the clitoris?”

“It’s not anywhere near the butthole, that’s all I know!” Jokes Blake with a soft giggle, brushing some mangled hair behind one of his ears.

“It’s at the top-“

“Dude I know that I was just joking!” Laughs Blake whilst wiping an imaginary tear from his right eye.

“Are you sure-“

“Dammit I know ok!” Blake snaps causing Adam to hit him on the head with a rolled up magazine.

“You need to get laid.” Jokes Anders whilst Adam cheers and nods in agreement.

“Yeah well, so do you two!” Blake chokes back with a dark look on his face, as he chugs down the rest of his beer.

“No offence but you could sure use some help closing Blake, so maybe there is something in one of these damn cosmos.” Adam states with a fake smile attached to his lame sentiment.

“Again, take your own advice dude.” Blake retorts whilst poking his tongue out at his friend.

“Now guys-“

“I’m going to kill you!” Screams Adam cutting off whatever Ders was about to say, as he proceeds to dramatically launch himself at Blake who was already on the floor.

“Dude, get off me!” Blake yells whilst trying to push Adam off him, as the pair roll around freakishly close to the pool fighting like idiots.

“I’m not getting involved.” Anders informs them diplomatically.

Seconds later Blake pushes Adam into the pool, but he manages to grab onto Blake’s tee shirt and they both fall in together, a warm breeze moving the page that Ders was reading as he tries to ignore the chaos.

“I’m pissed now!” Blake declares getting out of the pool, taking off his tee shirt which makes Anders look up and Adam scoff as he splashes around in the water.

“Dude put your tee shirt back on.” Adam sighes with a shake of his head.

“Jealous Adam are we?” Blake smirks as he holds his arms up high above his head, a move that he knew showed off his sleek frame and muscles.

“Of you?” Questions Adam with a hysterical laugh like he had just understood the world’s funniest punchline.

“You’ve even got those damn Usher lines Blake!” Ders cries out loudly pointing a finger at him almost accusingly.

“And with that I’m heading to the roof-“

“Come back here and fight!” Adam shouts splashing water again as Ders dives to save the magazines.

“Let him cool off, you just need to stop attacking the dude.” Anders tells Adam in a serious voice, which makes him think he sounds like his dad causing Ders to shudder.

“He started it-“

“Dude enough, now tell me about this pool party idea, and then I will show you the swimsuit issue!” Anders cheers causing Adam to rush out of the pool excitedly.

“Holding out as always Ders?” Adam asks with a pointed look.

“Dude you have to see it!” Anders smirks smugly because he would definitely be taking the magazine to his room later.

Blake meanwhile is drying off with one of the towels on the roof, hopefully it was Adam’s one but they borrow a lot of each other’s stuff, so it was hard to determine who owned what nowadays.

Tying the hair band from his wrist Blake puts his wet hair into a low ponytail, just so it’s out of his face as he closes his eyes, and tries to listen to what his roommates were talking about.

Blake was self conscious about a lot of things especially seeing how good looking his bros were, sure he gave back as good as he got some days, but right now he felt annoyed mostly at himself and the fact that he wanted another beer.

Also a hit on his bong that was currently sat untouched downstairs wouldn’t hurt either, but he was up here now on the roof and wanted to prove a point, unsure what exactly but Blake was hella pissed that his friends kept taking shots at him.

“We should go and see him.” Anders looks up on the roof a while later, to see that Blake was still up there, he was surprised the dude hadn’t gone to his room to sulk.

“Blake’s fine-“

“I think that we need to help him meet someone.” Anders cuts off Adam stating the truth because Blake was pretty inexperienced, but it wasn’t as if him or Adam were rocking high numbers either.

“Dude needs a makeover!” Adam cries waving a page at Ders from his magazine.

“You need to reign it in-“

“No hear me out, we tidy up the dudes hair and face moustache, then perhaps add some clear mascara bring out the blue in his eyes.” Adam states eyes firmly on the page he was reading from, not noticing the look that Ders was giving him right now.

“Blake’s just shy-“

“Crazy awkward around chicks!” Adam bellows with a laugh which makes Anders throw his magazine at him.

“I can hear you dudes.” Blake shouts down in a deep voice, wishing himself that he had just gone back to his bedroom and crashed out instead.

Anders grabs the cooler whilst Adam silently picks up some of the Cosmos , and they both make their way up to the roof quickly, it was time for a dude summit to talk some real shit.

Blake watches as they both struggle to get up to the roof, he could offer to help with the cooler but instead he stays put in his seat, until his conscious gets the better of him and he silently snatches said item from Ders hand.

“Thanks dude.” Anders says with a nod as he sits down on a lawn chair with a sigh.

“Here.” Adam opens the cooler and pulls out a fresh beer, handing it over to Blake who silently accepts the peace offering.

“Sorry we went too far this time and-“

“You’ve done a lot worse before than this.” Blake cuts off Ders with a closed off look but not without adding “I guess we all can push each other to the limits sometimes.”

“Yeah like that time you cut the brake wires on Ders car -“

“That was you?!” Anders snaps at Blake who tries and fails to look innocent.

“That was back when I was heavily watching the timeless movie that is “Speed” all the time.” Blake shrugs with a smile.

“Yeah but isn’t that movie about a bomb on a bus and they can’t go over a certain speed limit?” Adam asks with a confused look on his face.

“Well yeah but I had tried to place a fake bomb on the Vo’ but just ended up accidentally cutting the stupid wire.” Blake tells Adam whilst avoiding the daggers that were coming from Ders eyes.

“You need to grow up-“

“Dude you were playing along too it was the time we had taken the last of the Adderall, and you were the Dennis Hopper character!” Blake reminds Adam with an arched eyebrow and a smirk.

“Pop quiz, hot shot.” Adam quotes in a voice sounding similar to the aforementioned actor.

“I think you owe me some money dude because I had to take the car to the garage-“

“I can’t afford anything.” Blake cuts off Ders hurriedly.

“I was joking, but don’t ever mess with my damn car again!” Anders laughs but there is still a warning tone in his voice.

“We all mess with one another, that’s what bros do but me and Ders have decided that what we should do now is help you!” Adam shouts excitedly, wobbling in his seat a little but he steadies himself quickly.

“Help me, with what?” Blake asks cautiously because both his dudes were giving him a manic look.

“Meet a real-life chick and close-“

“Oh, like you both have extensive knowledge on this!” Cuts off Blake making a noise in his throat to prove a point.

“Well these magazines might help-“

“I think that you both need to be cut off dudes .” Blake begins with a wide eyed look that disappears as he says quietly “What could those things possibly say that would help me?”

“Let’s take a look!” Ders announces sensing the dip in the mood as he picks up a magazine and flips it open hurriedly.

“Another beer-“

“Here, listen to this!” Anders cuts off Adam as he hold up a page and reads out loud “ What women really want, and it’s not what you think.”

“First of all guys are more intelligent than girls that is a fact!” Adam shouts loudly and then takes it home by saying “ Girls lie they say that they will call you and then you’re speaking to a pizza place.”

“I’m sorry that happened-“

“Ain’t no thang!” Adam cuts off Ders as he then elaborates “ I met another chick that night at said pizza place and we made out in her car.”

“Nice dude.” Blake nods with a grin at his best friend.

“See Blake, that’s your problem right there-“

“I thought we were being nice to one another again?” Begins Blake cutting off Anders as he quips that “Those magazines are making you bitchy as hell man.”

“Blake, you need to grow a pair dude!” Adam chimes in which makes Ders clap in agreement.

“I told you guys that I was a late bloomer-“

“No, not that! What I mean is set your sights on someone and go for it dude.” Ders states in a sage voice, the kind that usually works in a chaotic moment.

“Did you learn that from the glossy you’re holding? Because that’s bad advice dude.” Adam tuts at Anders who rolls his eyes right back.

“So what advice do you have then?” Blake asks Adam finishing his beer and burping loudly as he chucks the empty can behind him.

“It’s so easy.” Adam begins eyes flitting between his two friends as he wriggle his eyebrows and says “ Two words, pool party.”

“Well that’s four words-“

“Stop being a nerd!” Adam snaps at Blake who looks down at the magazines and grudgingly picks one up.

“Nerds are soon to be the next big thing, so stop being a loser Adam.” Blake retorts eyes glancing the pages, until he stops at the swim suit section.

“Enjoy dude.” Winks Anders pulling an excited face.

From here on out the night rides on with Blake studying the swimsuits his bong resting between this feet, Adam asking Anders questions about an anal sex quiz, and the leftover beers growing warm because the cooler lid had been left open.

Anders cannot believe how much he is learning right now, sure the porn he watches religiously keeps him in the know, but these pages offered a fresh perspective and it was making his denim pants tighten as a result.

Meanwhile Adam is wondering to himself if he could wear more pink would it suit his hair colour, or maybe purple could help illuminate his brown eyes bring out the colour of his lips, fuck now he was debating whether he could pull off shorts.

Glancing up at his two friends, who were far to immersed in their own reading material to notice, Blake rolls his eyes because tonight has been weird with a capital W and normally he rolled for times like this.

But things had gotten personal and unless he mentions the idea of a girlfriend out loud, he hated being frogmarched into a conversation about his inability to date, because news flash he knew first hand but times might soon be a changing.

Not sure how out yet but Blake needed to be more confident, maybe he could fake it and show the world that he meant business, all he wanted was to finally lose is cherry because he had been dumped many times before he even had a chance.

“Hey guys, do you think I have an apple or an hourglass figure?” Adam questions breaking into the silence with serious question in real time.

Anders literally drops the magazine from his hands, whilst Blake shapes his fingers into a rectangle frame placing them up to his face, so he can check out Adam who is obviously waiting for an answer.

“What is happening right now?” Anders questions with a confused look on his face.

“I was just asking a question-“

“Well those shapes are referring to women’s bodies and not dudes, so I think it’s time that we should step away from these things.” Anders states cutting off Adam as he knocks the magazine from his hands.

“Yet we still have some many unanswered questions Ders.” Blake replies sarcastically which makes Adam nod in the affirmative.

“You two are beyond help-“

“And you need to lighten up dude!” Adam talks over Anders with a grin, as the guys make the awkward descent from the roof.

“Someone has to be a grown up.” Ders retorts in a tired tone.

“Sucks to be you bro!” Blake chants until he almost slips down the last bit of trellis, grabbing onto Adam’s shoulders so he didn’t croak it.

“I disagree-“

“Just know that I’m doing fine bro.” Blake announces almost believing it himself, as he not so subtly picks up a magazine from the floor near the pool.

“We all are dude, but just that know my stock is the highest!” Adam states firmly almost standing on Blake’s foot, as he dips down to also grab some reading material for his bedtime

“Have you hit your head again?” Ders asks Adam in a shocked voice as he explains “ I feel like I’m the top gun round here.”

“He’s a real life Tom Cruise over there!” Blake announces in a loud voice.

“Clearly he’s too tall to be Cruise-“

“We all know that I’m Bradley Cooper.” Anders cuts off Adam whilst closing the palm tree umbrella, at the same time locating the magazine he needed to help him sleep.

“Yeah if you’re in the dark perhaps.” Adam retorts which makes Blake splutter out a laugh, and Ders glare at them both as they all make their way finally back inside the house.

“Well this has all been a blast but I’m off to bed now.” Blake announces with a fake yawn despite it being earlier than usual, he tucks aforementioned magazine under his arm with an awkward smile plastered across his face.

“Yeah it’s been such a long day.” Nods Anders picking up his tie from the messy coffee table, wrapping it around his book with a nod.

“Time to go crank it hard dudes.” Adam declares with an overzealous wink, leaning past Blake to grab the box of tissues from the small diner table by the wall.

“There is this new oil that I have been meaning to try.” Anders smirks back at Adam who nods happily.

“Man, you ought to come see my set up someday I’ve got lube for days bro!” Adam states with a chuckle glancing at Blake who looks visibly embarrassed.

“Don’t be shy dude!” Adam nudges Blake hard with his hip as he explains “We all do it bro, and I’ve definitely heard you.”

“Yeah well you’re not exactly quiet either Adam.” Blake retorts with a smile stating “ I like to wear my headphones and set the scene, add some candles and never ever rush.”

“Sounds really romantic Blake.” Anders rolls his eyes at Adam with an unattractive snort.

“They don’t call me a ladies man for nothing-“

“That’s because they don’t dude.” Adam cuts off Blake as he pats him hard on the back adding “You need to be more like me, all the DeMamp men are very sexual.”

“I guess you’re the odd one out then right Adam?” Anders cracks making Blake laugh loudly whilst brushing some curly hair from his face.

“I rocked the world of those four and half girls at college, I bet I’m all they still think about.” Adam retorts in a sulky voice which makes Blake pat his friend on the shoulder.

“Half a girl-“

“Don’t ask!” Cuts in Blake raising both of his hands in front of Anders face, whilst Adam shrugs and mutters something that no one can make out.

“On that note then, I’m off to bed.” Anders nods as he starts to walk to his room.

“Don’t start crying again dude like you did last time!” Adam laughs loudly as he follows suit to his room, almost dropping his box of tissues in the process.

“That was only because you put on Matchbox twenty!” Anders retorts making Blake shake his head with a playful chuckle.

“Need I remind you that the song “Push” is fucking classic!” Blake states placing a hand on one of his hips at the same time.

“Thats true.” Begins Anders who then reminds his friend “But please don’t go burning the house down with your candles dude.”

“Not after last time-“

“Dude, what did you do?!” Cuts in Anders ignoring the look on Blake’s face as he gets to his bedroom door.

The three of the stop outside together smiles and nods aplenty, as they bring the night to an early close.

“Good humping boys!” Blake states with a cheeky smirk.

“Night guys.” Anders nods with a crinkle in his eyes.

“If you hear me screaming, don’t come a knocking!” Adam declares hopping up in the air to hit the top of the door frame with a flourish.

With that three doors simultaneously open and close, whilst one is locked and another changes their mind leaving it ajar, then moments later the opening chords to an O - Town song begins to play through the last door.

LETS GET WEIRD…

[isaacathom]

i had a ridiculously long post in my drafts about my lil firefly knockoff thing ive got buzzing around the brainpan but what if i didnt do that, and made it much shorter

basic setting shit - different systems are daisy chained together by something called the Interstellar Highway, which are fantasy bullshit that basically tunnels through space and loop around the edge of systems for a speed boost. Because of the speeds needed, every system on a highway has a structure called the OnRamp, which basically fucking catapults you onto the highway. theyre great.

it used to be that you would stop at every system on the highway to refuel and to check ship integrity, because engine efficiency wasnt good enough for long journeys. however, in the last 40 or so years, industrial-grade engines have gotten to the stage that they can go 2-3 systems without stopping, and that has naturally meant some systems have started languishing.

the system the story takes place in is one of those, where it primarily acted as a pit stop. the only traffic it really gets now is its own import traffic, which generally goes maybe 1 system over in either direction for essential goods.

because of the lack of Business, the systems sucking shit, and a lot of people in the inner system rely on a gig-economy of delivery ships that travel between them and the onramp.

the ship at the story's core is one of these gig economy ships. it's a like 30yo ship, bought on loan by one Captain Foster Cline, whose hectic routes throughout the system have gotten him within sight of owning the ship outright, but not quite.

the crew can be divided into sub groups, starting with the "captain core":

Foster Cline, a guy in his 50-60s. pretty nice guy overall, jovial and hard-working. owns and manages the ship, and can do most of the jobs alright

Andrea Seward, lady in her 40s. shes very cautious and 'safe', preferring known routes and repeat customers. handles a lot of the paperwork and accounting, though she can apparently pilot.

Ogawa Yuuji, guy in his early 50s. really sweet guy, always trying to help and offer advice even when its unasked for. works as the ships gunner and security guy, as well as being a general strong pair of arms.

These three have known each other for years, Cline and Ogawa in particular going back to before he bought the ship, and Seward being one of their first 'hires' when they went into business.

Then we have the younger gen:

Jalen Romilly, man in his late 20s. He's a guy who likes to follow rules and structures, always wanting things planned out and knowing what's happening. He's also particularly worried about diseases and germs, so he keeps his areas of the shop spotless. He's the ship's slow and steady primary pilot.

Gideon van der Karmozijn, man in his early 30s. He's a creative guy, loves tinkering and trying new shit, and he's always confident it will work. He's the ships primary mechanic, and secondary pilot.

These two are more recent hires, the last 5 years or so, replacing an irregular churn through other pilots and mechanics over the 30yrs of the ships operation.

The basic vibe is this ship always starts its route at the OnRamp, and the captain core + Romilly will sit down and plan out what jobs they're taking for the next little bit, trying to layer as many on top of eachother as they can for maximum profit, with the understanding that they'll revisit the list at every stop to tack more onto the end, continuing a month-long rush of work before they will return to the OnRamp station for a week.

It's gig economy delivery, and it can vary a good deal. You'll get people asking for medicine, businesses asking for raw materials, groups requiring transit from point a to point b, people needing you to transfer shit on their behalf, so on. Most of them it's pretty uneventful, though the need to try and get good profit margins means sometimes tensions can flare. it can be a big mess.

The "show", such that it is structured in my mind, would begin with 2.5 ish episodes of the 'regular shit' for these guys. obviously some of their more exciting or complicated jobs, drama with someone unwilling to pay, so on. at one point they do end up picking up a package from a shady 'merchant' where the implication is that their goods are all stolen. And it's like, well... ? not much we can do. Cline has been a good client of theirs for years, yknow how it is.

then during the third episode, they follow up on a job that needs them to go to a vineyard in high country of one of the planets to pick up a delivery bound for a bar on a different planet. they land a little ways off, and the captain core traipse off to go sort everything out with the owners while the younger gen man the ship.

at which point a group a ruffians descend upon the ship to try and take it.

karmozijn manages to barricade himself and romilly into the bridge and radio for help, and ogawa bounds off. before the others can respond, they get cut off by some members of the group, and shit just fully ensues. cline and seward get into a short firefight in the woods, ending in cline being fatally shot and seward scaring off the hijackers by convincing them that the vineyard owners are coming with firepower (they are, but they were still a few minutes out). on the ship, meanwhile, ogawa ends up fighting the hijackers in the engine room, managing to defeat or scare them off but receiving serious injuries.

with the aid of the vineyard owners, they get cline's body back to the ship and karmozijn is able to very patch-repair the mechanisms in the engine room so the ship will go. because, well... they're in the inner system, aren't they? high country, no less, middle of fucking nowhere. ships damaged, going slow as shit but theyre in a rush. nearest hospital? nearest hospital with SPACE? fucking hell. romilly is eventually able to make contact with an ambulance ship thats willing to make a detour to meet them on its way to somewhere else, and thus they get on a fuking move.

they don't make it to the rendezvous before ogawa dies.

whereas there was nothing they could do for cline, ogawa shouldn't've have died. his injuries were bad, yes, but evidently manageable. with prompt medical treatment, he would've pulled through. and they couldn't get him there.

the ship, two crew down, hobbles back to the OnRamp. each begins a rapid suite of various tasks - Seward is handling job cancellations, paperwork, the police investigation, and also volunteers/demands to be the one to tell Cline's daughter what happened. Romilly is handling talking to Ogawa's family, as well as hiring a new gunner on the double so that they can try to resume work quickly. Karmozijn is handling ship repairs, trying to make it fit into their suddenly stretched budget. and everyones grieving, and everyones handling it pretty poorly.

into this hectic period, covered by a few episodes in my mind, the crew expands not by the expected one, but by three - the new crew:

Petra Cline, Foster's daughter, in her early 20s. she's an adventurous sort who loves to try new things, and in this specific instance shes pissed. She all but demands to be allowed aboard by reasoning with Seward that since the ownership deeds were in Foster's name, as his next of kin she legally owns the ship. Seward decides not to press the issue (it may come up later anyway)

Zayvia Eskarra, nb in their mid 30s. An awkward and poorly social but lovely individual, they're brought on as the ships new gunner largely by dint of being the first person to apply for the position.

Ko Xue, woman in her last 20s. She's confident and brash, working on a vibes-based level on a lot of things. after the first 4/5 crew job goes Okay Ish but not ideal, it's agreed that they need a new pilot to replace Romilly so that he can shift into a managerial position (Sewards idea), and Ko takes that primary pilot role.

A new crew of 5/6 established, they continue on, doing a whole bunch of shit. its largely the same work, very episodic job-of-the-week business. the main underlying thing is the way the crew adapts and grows close, or apart, as the case may be.

there are a few key plots that would occur throughout in the show:

Ko is an extremely qualified ship pilot. like, highway certified. The fact she's working as the primary pilot for a dinky gig ship is bizarre, and it eventually comes to light that this is effectively a side gig for her main job, which is working for a prestigious, slightly dubious inter-system organisation who have their fingers in a lot of pies. she joined because she thought they'd help her make a difference in her dead-end system, but has found that to not be the case, and is locked into an exceptionally long contract. this interferes with her work on the ship on a number of occasions, and some members of the crew are PISSED when her status is revealed because it means shes loaded. its a whole thing.

Romilly has a family (siblings and parents) he supports with his delivery money, who occur throughout depending on how he's doing. there's a lot of drama there about whether he can afford to send the majority of his paycheck their way, especially closer to the vineyard thing, and later too. complicated stuff for him.

Eskarra is, notably, the only member of the crew who is not from the system. They're actually from a place some 4 systems down the highway, having been stranded here when the ship they were working on got 'pulled over' for illegal smuggling, being briefly locked up, and then being unable to pay for passage back home. This causes a sense of disconnect, since they arent anywhere near as familiar with the system as the others, which Eskarra attempts to rectify by like. doing chores. i love them.

Ko and Karmozijn hit it off really well because they both like pushing the ship to the limit, something that upsets both Seward and Romilly, with Romilly taking particular issue with the way Ko handles the ship - he is forced to concede she is the far better pilot, however. As close as the two become, though, Ko expresses little interest in him outside of their shared interests.

Eskarra and Romilly start lowkey dating. its a whole thing

Seward basically alienates everyone aboard the ship as she tries to live up to being the kind of captain that Cline was, which she demonstrably cannot be. she takes a special dislike to Eskarra because they are 'inferior to Ogawa in several ways', many of which have nothing to do with Eskarra's job.

Petra Cline, on the other hand, gets to be on pretty good terms with the majority of the ship, though shes on better terms with the new crew than she is with the others owing to, yknow, The Situation With Her Dad. She's the main person who is still close to Seward, because shes the one person Seward isn't rude to (or the one person who gets an unforced apology from her when she is).

She also bounces between different sectors of the ship as she learns various parts of the trade - piloting from Ko, mechanics from Karmozijn, and very limited combat stuff from Eskarra (predominantly knife-based and gun safety, with very limited opportunity to actually fire the gun bc Eskarra refuses to discharge the gun on the actual ship on principle). She does not interact with Romilly much at all, lmao.

and then we hit Da Big Thing, da big plot that i have in my noggin - a few episodes long arc in the acute sense, and certainly a longer thing overall. The Party Split.

now i have no fucking idea how we get here. my vague vibe is that there's possibly a ship that crashes off the highway into something, and theres a general sense of oh. we should uh. we should do something about that. after maybe arriving to help ferry some of the passengers to the OnRamp, maybe one of them goes 'hey. my mcguffin. can you go back and get it. ill pay you to get it' and the crew goes... yeah. sure. sure we can fetch your mcguffin. just sign this thing right here to show that we're not scavengers in case anyone asks and we'll go for it. its good pay.

and basically they're hunting for this thing, and since the ships fucked its basically picking through debris, and they aren't the only ones. guess who shows up? the shady merchants from earlier! where better to steal from than a downed ship? and they heard about a valuable mcguffin 👀

conflict ensues t'fuck. seward, romilly, and eskarra basically head out on the hunt, leaving ko, karmozijn and cline (lol) on their ship. everyones under fire. this is a mess. at some point, karmozijn tells cline that the communications are being jammed and she needs to go tell the captain (seward) that, and also that the shields are busted. she agrees, books it out. she doesnt find seward, instead finding eskarra, who is maybe Understandably Unhappy that she entered what is at this point an active fire fight, gives her a knife JUST IN CASE and tells her to fuck off back to the ship, they'll deliver the message. off they go.

on the ship, karmozijn has abandoned his station and headed to the bridge, has a conversation with Ko that quickly devolves into 'we should just get out of here, this isnt worth it' which Ko seems very lukewarm on.

on the ground, Karmozijn finds Seward to relay the message, which confuses her because Ko has been communicating with her consistently throughout the whole thing, including during her conversation with Karmozijn. And the shields seem fine? Somethings up.

Karmozijn abandons his attempt to be coy and flat out asks Ko to elope with him, which she rejects. He knocks her out, seizes the controls, and ITS. GO. TIME.

Karmozijn, Ko in tow, leaves the crash site.

Seward and Eskarra, stuck out far from the ship, end up being cut off from connecting with the rest of the crew by members of the shady group, being captured.

Cline and Romilly end up meeting up at the site where their ship used to be, and witness the departure of Seward and Eskarra with the other group.

the next bit is basically an episode for each team:

Karmozijn keeps Ko under lock and key, telling her that she could just travel with him (the under appreciated mechanic), but that if she won't he plans to just drop her off on the outskirts of some town somewhere with all her things. She manages to finagle him into letting her start packing said things in preparation, then slips away from him and leaves in the emergency shuttle. he does not pursue. she puts up a report about the ship theft, particularly paging her wealthy primary employer about the matter, and heads back to the crash site.

Cline and Romilly are forced to survive together, which is somewhat difficult because they aren't close, the ship is in so many pieces that its not a super viable shelter, and they aren't in a very hospitable area. Romilly focuses on finding things for their survival (food, shelter, so on) and Cline tries to apply the things she's learned from Karmozijn to create a distress beacon. The two end up genuinely coming to some understandings about the other, as their respective skillsets compliment fairly well. its a good camping time. it is pretty dicey though.

Seward and Eskarra are taken back to the shady merchant's base of operations and interrogated about whether they found the mcguffin or know anything about it. Despite her general demeanour, Seward holds up really well under the pressure, whereas Eskarra cracks pretty early - (un?)luckily for them, they don't know anything anyway. Seward makes a few escape attempts, without Eskarra, and for which Eskarra is punished - this does nothing to change Seward's actions. It doesn't help Eskarra that it is revealed (to Seward, anyway) that Eskarra was a former contractor of the shady merchants.

Finally, Ko returns to the crash with the shuttle and picks up Romilly and Cline, gets them fed and warmed up, and then they all mutually agree that they need to at least make an attempt to rescue Seward and Eskarra. They are actually successful, despite Seward trying to convince them to not go back in for Eskarra (Romilly, their pseudo-boyfriend, insists. thank god for homosexuality). its drama

the mcguffin almost certainly ends up being in Cline's possession, or possibly Romilly's, as the two people who remain at the crash site. so they can get back to the station (possibly with a detour for a refuel) and they can get that good good money.

obviously there are still like. consequences from this. which take some time to resolve. for instance, Karmozijn still has the fucking ship. Seward has made her dislike of Eskarra pretty fucking explicit. theres shit going on. they gotta fucking figure that out. they're also down a mechanic, a role cline probably fills at least in the interim.

its a whole thing. this is all meaningless.

[marisferasiop]

The world of TikTok has created in me a new question for study.

We know that black folk (American) have become such fantastic cooks because of the multitudinous scenarios that played out between emancipation, segregation, cooking and cleaning for white families at the expense of their own families, etc. (Go watch or read The Help if you need some context)

What I want to do is a proper sociological study of (and there's no real way to do it because it would be a timelapses study over decades) if the population of young black folk that are now adults in the US (millennials and der gen Z) are so germaphobic as a direct correlation to their grannies having been cleaners for white folk in the 60s and 70s.

But as I said the time is passed, so. I'm so curious because I thought my couple black friends were just... Super picky and clean, kinda germaphobic... But now I'm seeing generational trends and I'm wondering if it's a new thing or if it's a trait passed down generationally.

If you're a young black person and your matriarchal head(s) were cleaners or housekeepers for white folk in the 60s and 70s, did you inherit a certain need for extreme cleaning and being utterly convinced that no one outside of YOU has proper health and housekeeping standards? If you were taught this behavior, do you know why? Who taught that person? What is the root of the cause in your family?

Then I want to branch out to other nationalities, enthicities, and races.

I am white. My family is from Detroit and flint, Michigan (two incredibly minority-bound and extremely povertous cities left behind after the car companies left Michigan. Think "we still don't have clean drinking water" Flint) and my family, particularly my dad, fever-cleans like he thinks stripping the sealant off the baseboards will prevent a single hair from invading his living space. Like he doesn't work a customer-facing job. He cleans like this every Saturday and cleans his kitchen like this daily.

I don't always clean like that because I have a heavy past in food service, a science degree, ADHD paralysis, and depression, all of which tell me that expending my energy like that I'd a lot of work for very little actual reward.

What's your story? Can I hear?

[bellarkeselection]

Love Trauma

Request from @a-woman-with-claws-and-fangs The reader's father side of the family has a history of brain trauma and the reader gets headaches. She fears about telling Derek thinking he won't be able to help. Meredith and Christina decide to help the reader tell Derek.

Exiting the surgery room I slide down to the floor in my srubs hoping this sickness of headaches and wanting to throw up will go away. Meredith had to take over because I fell into Christina and nearly injured a patient open on the table. It's the third time this week that I failed to complete a surgery. Pulling my knees to my chest I start sniffing tears wishing I didn't have to deal with my father's medical issues. My father's side of the family has had a repeated history of aggressive brain tumors. When I was growing up I didn't start having spells until I was 17 years old, I'd just hoped it wasn't passed down to me. Unfortunately I got carried over the gen that really effects my job as a doctor.

Hours later I'm much better after getting something to eat and drink to where Meredith comes up to me carrying her lunch tray. "Y/n, why don't you get Derek to check you out?" I just takes sip of my drink not wanting to talk about it. I'd been dating the famous brain surgeon Derek Shepherd for 3 years now but we've never said the words I love you to each other. "You know he'll be willing to help you out." I get to my feet brushing her off with an annoyed look on my face. "I'm not asking him Mer!" The reason I'm afraid to ask my boyfriend for help is because I don't think he could do anything. My father has went to several doctors who thought they could fix his problems but all failed. There's even been some people on my father's side of the family that have died on the operating table when the doctor tried to remove the tumor.

Knowing how Derek is with his loving to save lives. He'd never forgive himself if something happened to me, if I died because of something he did. Therefore he can never know of my condition. Christina comes to me right before I'm about to go into my next surgery, clearly Meredith talked with her earlier. "So you know I'm not good with the whole feeling thing. But I am worried about you Y/n. You have a reputation to maintain and you don't want to get yourself or someone else injured because you didn't get your brain help." Whipping my head around at her really fast I snapped off wanting my friends to just drop the conversation.

"Just drop it alright, you and Meredith aren't changing my mind. Derek doesn't need to know - Der - ah!" Pain shoots through my head and I sway on my feet seeing Derek standing near us. Christina reaches out to steady me but my vision blurs with my legs giving out from under me. Somehow my body doesn't hit the tile floor instead familiar arms hold me up. "Gosh Y/n what aren't you telling me?" Derek's voice asked me laced with high amounts of worry. My head falls against his chest, eyes nearly closing. My hands weakly clutching his white coat terrified I won't get to tell him before I die. "I love you - Derek Shepherd..." After those words my eyes closed and everything is black.

A heart monitor beeping meets my ears as I open my eyes sleepingly like I've been under anstsha. Looking to my left hand I see an IV to which I reach up to brush hair from my ear but feel a bandage up there. What the hell happened. Someone clears their throat from the chair pulled up at my bedside for me to see Derek holding a medical chart in his hands. "Der...what happened?" I croaked out with a dry throat now fully awake yet. He flips through some pages holding back a smile with the news he gives me. "You shouldn't have lied to me sweetheart. On what planet did you think I wouldn't be able to help your trauma. I'm your boyfriend you can tell me anything-" I cut him off shifting and feeling some pain in my head but not as bad as it used to be. "I could die on the operating table that's why I didn't tell you. I didn't want you to lose me, because you tried to fix my father's side of the family problems!"

"Y/n, settle down you didn't die on the table." He interrupted me cupping my face in his hands finally getting me to look into his eyes. "Wh - what. I'm not dead?" I stuttered in disbelief thinking this is all a dream. Derek wiped away some tears showing me his notes on that chart he had. "When you collapsed Meredith and Christina told me everything so we rushed you to get a scan. I discovered your father's history and found the tumor in you. Luckily it was small enough to get out, so I'm saying I got it all." Tears fall down my face I released a sigh of relief hugging him excitedly. "Thank you, thank you....I'm sorry I didn't tell you - I'm sorry..." He hugs me back feeling tears stain his shirt smiling at me, whispering in my ear. "I discovered something earlier today about you miss L/n." Tilting my head up at him I asked curious with a smile. "What's that Dr. Shepherd?" He pulls me in for a kiss mumbling. "I love you too." I pulled him back for another kiss unknown to the two of us Christian chers in the hallway. "Victory dance!" So her and Meredith danced away at getting us together.

Comments really appreciated ❤️

[joost8910]

Welcome to the Fandom (lyrics)

An Undertale-themed Welcome to the Internet parody; sung by Ink Sans. @rainbowsans Here you go; I hope you enjoy this. 

Welcome to the fandom! How are you today?  Anything that brain of yours can think of can be made.  We’ve got countless creators; some better, some worse.  If none of them are interest to you, you’d be the first. 

Welcome to the fandom! Come and take a seat!  Would you like some art of Asgore or a pic of Tori's feet?  There's no need to panic; this isn't a test, haha  Just nod or shake your head and we'll do the rest

Welcome to thе fandom! What would you prefer?  Would you like to see some shipping art? I know you like grillster.  Be happy! Be horny! Be bursting with rage!  We've got a million different ways to engage 

Welcome to the fandom! Put your cares aside  Here's an Undyne burning pasta; here's all of the kids who died  We've got fanfics and comics and animations  And a bunch of colored-pencil drawings of all the different alternate universe Sanses fucking each other

Welcome to the fandom! Hold on to your socks  'Cause that artist that you found just posted art of Sans’s cock It is slimy and off-putting; they just posted more  Don't act surprised; you know you like it, you whore!

See a Paps beheaded, get offended, see a Sans Show us pictures of the children, tell us what’s with Gaster’s hands? Write a theory, ship your dearie, make a comic starring Blooky  Write a Frisk that’s feeling weary; eat a treat and find a needle in your— 

Here's some precious alphyne ship art! You should kill goat mom Here's why Sans would never fuck you. Here's why you should kill them all What’s your fav ship say about you? Take this quirky quiz! Fox created Mettaton to trans-gen-der your kids.

Could I interest you in everything all of the time? A little bit of everything all of the time  You may think the game is dead but fandoms never die! Making more of everything all of the time

Could I interest you in everything all of the time? A little bit of everything all of the time You may think the game is dead but fandoms never die! Making more of everything all of the time

-Musical Interlude-

You know, it wasn't always like this. 

Not very long ago, just before your time  Long before the mii costume, year two-oh-one-five  This was dialogues, roleplay blogs, a comic or two  We set our sights and spent our nights waiting…  For you!  You…  Insatiable you!  You had just found your first AU; the game was barely two  And you made all the things you poured your heart into...  Now, look at you! Oh, look at you!  You~  You~!  Despite e~verything it’s still you.  Your time is now, your inside's out. Honey, how you grew!  [Ink hold his hand out to you]  And if we stick together, who knows what we'll do?  It was always the plan  [Ink hands you a piece of paper]  to put this world in your hand.  [Ink puts a brush in your hand] 

(*Laughing hysterically, maniacally, even*)  [During the laughter, a bunch of anonymous asks asking “When’s the next part?”, “Why have you stopped?”, “Is this dead?”, and similar messages pop up on screen] 

Could I interest you in creating all of the time?  Making more of everything all of the time  Burnout is a tragedy, and boredom is a crime!  Keep on making everything all of the time 

Could I interest you in creating all of the time?  Making more of everything all of the time  The fandom is insatiable, so create ‘til you die!  Anything and everything and  Anything and everything and  Anything and everything and  All of the time!

[hotchseyebrows]

it's a matter of seeing

a derek morgan x penelope garcia fic

a/n: hello again beloveds !!! today i present to you Another derek and penelope are kissing for the first time fic. what can i say, it's simply the best. thank you as always to the spectacular @blkantigone for being my supportive and helpful first reader and editor, love youuu! thank all of you for reading (im getting faster between uploads, have you noticed?)

title is from emily l. by marguerite duras. full line is "I don't know if love's a feeling. Sometimes I think it's a matter of seeing. Seeing you."

rating/warnings: gen audiences :) two vague allusions to sex but nothing even close to explicit, its more just in the way it exists in the background and derek is injured but it's superbly minor

read it here on ao3!

Derek steps closer to Penelope. “You had to see me. With your own eyes.”

Penelope rolls her eyes. “Yes, silly goose, that’s the usual way of seeing.”

-

Derek gets hurt on a case, and Penelope worries. He's fine, but she still worries.

word count: 2028

Derek glances at the time on his phone. Almost midnight, though it could be closer to 4 a.m. for how tired the team is tonight. A long case in Colorado kept them away from home for almost two weeks, and all Derek wants is to pet his dog and sleep in his own bed.

“Could this elevator ride be any slower?” Emily groans from where she’s leaning on the wall behind him.

“You know, Prentiss, I could have just gotten a late night taxi or grabbed one of the last trains.” Spencer is rocking back and forth on his heels next to her, a yawn growing on his lips. 

“Nuh uh, kid, I’m getting you home whether you like it or not. I just wish you didn’t need that notebook from your desk tonight.”

“Sorry,” Spencer says, cringing slightly. Derek looks back to see Emily nudge his shoulder with a fond grin. Spencer’s shoulders relax.

“Why are you coming up, Hotch?” Derek asks the man in the opposite corner from Emily.

“Files.” Hotch stays facing the elevator door, only glancing at Derek.

“No way are you planning on staying here and working tonight– Hotch. We’ve been gone for two weeks–” (“Almost two weeks,” says Spencer. Derek waves him off.) “– you should be going home.”

“I’m just grabbing a few things. I’ll get back on this elevator with you.” Hotch glances at the time on his own phone then, unlocking it to open a text message from Jess. Derek sees a picture of smiling Jack for a split second before he looks away. “Jess is already expecting me.”

Derek hums in acknowledgement. He rolls his shoulder as the doors open and they walk towards the bullpen together.

“Shoulder still hurting, Morgan?” Emily asks. The day before they came home, one of the unsubs got the jump on Derek, tackling him to the ground. Emily easily subdued him, but Derek landed funny on a wayward pipe. His shoulder has been bothering him ever since. He nods in response.

“I’ll be fine.” Emily scoffs at him, but says nothing. He will. Eventually.

Spencer holds open the door for Derek. “Here, Morgan. So you don’t aggravate your injury.”

“Hilarious. Ha ha. When’s the stand-up tour? Have you been moonlighting at comedy clubs, pretty boy?”

Spencer sticks his tongue out at him. He quickly pulls it back in his mouth when he catches Hotch looking at him. To their surprise, Hotch cracks a small smile. “Reid has a point, Morgan.” Emily lets out a laugh that is more a cackle than anything.

“Evil. You’re all evil.” He walks through the held open door anyway.

Most of the desk lamps are off, the bullpen empty this late. But his chair is spinning slightly and his light is on. A mop of blonde hair, today a mess of curls with a large sparkly flower pinned at the top, bounces as the chair spins.

“Baby girl, what are you doing here?” Penelope spins to face him, a brilliant smile flashing onto her face immediately. “It’s late. You could have gone home hours ago.”

“Where’s JJ and Rossi?” 

“Already in their cars on the way home. We all needed something from up here first.” She’s standing now, and he steps in front of her. “Don’t avoid my question, Mama,” he says, lightly tapping the tip of her nose.

Her smile falters, worry breaking through. “You got hurt.” Her eyebrows crease as she looks him over.

Derek raises both eyebrows. “Yea, but I’m okay. A little injury.”

The crease does not go away. “You got hurt. I don’t like when you get hurt.” He uses his non injured arm to pull her in for a hug. She wraps him in her arms immediately, her face pressing against his chest. The usual private shiver dances down his spine at the feeling. He rubs a small circle on the middle on her back as the tension bleeds out of her.

“See, baby girl? I’m fine.” Penelope picks up her head and looks at him. “Heart’s still beating. Blood’s still pumping. It’s just a little booboo.” She laughs at his word choice. “I’m okay. Promise.”

“You’re gonna rest at home? Ice it, or heating pad it up, or whatever you need?” He nods. “And you’ll call me if you need my help?”

“I promise.” She pops on her tiptoes to kiss his cheek. “You’re cute when you’re worried.”

Penelope tilts her head back and laughs. “I’m always cute, Derek Morgan. Don’t you forget it.” She never looks more beautiful than when she laughs. 

“I won’t,” he says, moving his arm to her waist and walking them both to his desk. Spencer is closing his bag at his desk while Emily leans back in his chair, eyes closed.

“Okay, I’m ready,” says Spencer, nudging the chair with his foot. Emily blinks her eyes open, sitting up. “And I can drive, Emily, you’re more tired than I am.” She opens her mouth to argue, but a yawn comes out instead. She hands Spencer the keys without a word.

“Why are you here, Garcia?” Emily asks.

“Had to see my sweet love in person as soon as you got home.” Derek’s heart flips in his chest. “I worry,” she says simply. Emily nods, giving Derek a long look.

Hotch appears at the top of the stairs next to his office. “I’m leaving.” The unsaid addition of that means you are too rings out from the eyebrow heavy look he gives them all.

Derek grabs the file he needs and a novel his sister sent him from his desk drawer quickly. “Come on baby girl, I’ll walk you out.”

“My very own Prince Charming,” she says as she loops her arm through his.

Spencer starts telling Emily about a Russian film festival coming up in a few weeks as they lead the way to the door. Hotch is close behind, silent but listening. Penelope pulls on Derek a little and they follow. 

She puts her head on his shoulder. On reflex, he kisses the top of her head. Not for the first time, he thinks about how easy it is for her to slot into place in his life. She just fits, no matter where he is or what he’s doing. There she is, a voice on the phone or the person spinning in his desk chair in the middle of the night solely because she needs to see him in person.

He falters as they walk through the glass doors. Penelope only makes it a few steps before she’s looking back at where he’s frozen, mind whirring. Emily is pressing the button to the elevator ahead of them. “Der?” Penelope asks.

“Why are you here?”

She tilts her head. “I told you. I worry.”

“You could have called Penelope. You did call, we talked on the plane.”

Now she blushes. She never blushes. “I had– I had to see for myself. I didn’t want to wait until Monday.”

A realization washes over Derek. “You had to see,” he repeats, a smile growing on his face.

She sways a little on her feet. “Yes, I said that.” The trio at the elevator notices them lingering by the doors, but Hotch stops Spencer from calling out with a knuckle brush to the forearm.

Derek steps closer to Penelope. “You had to see me. With your own eyes.”

Penelope rolls her eyes. “Yes, silly goose, that’s the usual way of seeing.” Derek takes another step, now only an arm’s length away. 

“It’s midnight on a Saturday. And you waited for me here, alone.”

She nods.

“Even though we talked today and you know that I’m okay, that I’ve had worse injuries.”

She nods again.

“Penelope,” he says, voice barely a whisper. He steps impossibly closer. “Why are you here?”

A look of fear settles on Penelope’s face. “Derek–”

“No, it’s alright!” He grabs her hand. “I just need you to say it.”

She softens, something like hope lighting up her eyes. “If you need me to say it, then you already know.”

He releases a loud laugh– the kind of joyous sound that comes unbidden from the bottom of the stomach. Leaning forward, he rests their foreheads together, watching her reaction. When she smiles, he knows for sure. “Yea I do,” he says.

She leans in across the tiny distance between them and presses their lips together. Derek forgets about the lingering ache in his shoulder in favor of this new feeling. He swings an arm around her waist and straightens up, pulling her flush against him. She wraps her arms around his neck, a soft sound humming against his lips. He’s about to slip his tongue into her mouth and carry her off to an empty office when someone clears their throat from across the room.

Penelope pulls back first, automatically hiding her face in Derek’s neck. Emily is hiding a smile behind her hand. Hotch’s eyebrows are raised slightly, the ghost of a smile around his eyes. Spencer makes no attempt to hide his glee, fingers tapping together happily. Derek grins at them. “Can I help you three?”

“Just thought you’d want to carry on somewhere else. And the elevator is here.” Sure enough, Emily has a foot in the elevator door. She shows him her full grin this time. “Not that we weren’t having fun watching the show.” 

He scoffs. “Next time, we’re charging a ticket price.” Penelope giggles.

“Next time?” she whispers.

He nods. “If you want.”

“Yes! Yes. I want. Very much so.” He smiles, a full eye crinkle 1000 watt smile, and interlocks their fingers to lead her to the elevator. She slots in right at his side, putting her head back on his shoulder. 

They stay that way the whole way down and keep their hands together as they walk to the parking lot. Emily makes kissy faces as she and Spencer get into her car. Spencer waves happily. Hotch gives them a soft smile before he disappears around a corner.

Derek pulls her in for another kiss right next to Esther. Just because he can. “Follow me home?” he mutters against her lips. “We don’t have to… tonight. Next time. But I’ll make breakfast.”

She traces a spiral on his upper arm. “Okay. It’s a date.” He kisses the tip of her nose just to hear her giggle.

She gives him one more kiss before gently shoving him in the direction of his car. “The faster you get to your car, the faster we get home.” He blows her a kiss before jogging to where he parked two weeks ago. She catches it and puts it right over her heart.

The streets are almost empty as they drive, and Derek keeps pulling up next to her at stoplights to ask if she comes here often or if she wants to race. By the time they arrive at Derek’s apartment building, it’s almost one a.m. and they are both dead on their feet. Still, they stop to kiss in front of his elevator. They kiss again just inside of his front door and again when he hands her an old shirt to wear to bed. He has the urge to pinch his arm, just to double check that he’s not still asleep on the plane. But no, there she is, brushing her teeth in his bathroom with a spare toothbrush. He's never felt this kind of peace with someone else in his space. She has toothpaste on the corner of her mouth and her eyes are bloodshot from exhaustion. I love you, he thinks.

“What?” she asks. “You’re staring.”

Derek hums, wrapping an arm around her waist. "Do you blame me?" He grabs a tissue and blots away the toothpaste. It's a slight deflection, but it's not the moment for what he's really thinking. She scrunches her nose and smiles.

"No. You have good taste."

"Damn right I do, baby girl. The best taste." 

They don’t kiss much when they lay in Derek’s bed, too tired to do much more than cuddle up together and turn off the lights. But Derek doesn’t mind. He’s already thinking about breakfast.

[oneboxofmatches]

All You Need to Know About Matchups!

CLICK HERE TO VIEW THE WAITLIST

Hi y'all!

This account is solely for matchups for several different fandoms. That means requests for imagines, oneshots, headcanons, etc. will NOT be taken.

Here are some basic things to know about requesting a matchup!

Unless otherwise specified for a certain fandom, a request yields one romantic pairing AND one friendship pairing as well as information on why I think you work well with the individuals I choose. Of course, if you only wish to receive either just the romantic matchup or just the friendship matchup, just let me know!

You can request matchups for several different fandoms at once! For each fandom you request, I will match you up with one romantic partner and one friend unless you request differently.

You can ask to exclude any character(s)!

Where can I request a matchup?

Requests can be made in the MATCHUP REQUESTS/ASK ME ANYTHING tab.

What do I need to include in my request?

Required

Fandom(s)

Your gender and/or pronouns

Your sexual orientation and/or preferences

Description of personality

Optional (but definitely helps me out!)

Description of appearance

Hobbies

Personality alignment (Myers-Briggs, Enneagram, Hogwarts House, etc.)

What you would look for in a partner and/or friend

Any other information you think would be helpful – the more you provide, the more I can work with!

Now with that out of the way, onto the fandoms!

Listed directly below is a shortlist of all the fandoms I take requests for as well as some extra information as needed.

Disclaimers

If a title is in italics, it means that while I feel comfortable providing matchups for this show, I have not watched every season. If a character drastically changes after a certain point, I may not be aware. The last season I watched of these shows will be included in parentheses.

All movies/shows based on novels will most likely focus on the on-screen adaptations of characters.

SHOWS

The 100 (6)

Good Omens

The Good Place (3)

Lucifer (4)

On My Block

Parks and Recreation (4)

Prodigal Son (1)

Sherlock

Space Force

Supernatural (14)

The Walking Dead (8)

MOVIES

Clueless

The Greatest Showman

Harry Potter -- Unless specified in request, will entail 2 sets of matchups as a student (Golden Trio and Marauders eras respectively)

The Hunger Games

Marvel Cinematic Universe -- Unless age is specified, underage characters will NOT be available for romantic matchups

BROADWAY

Anastasia

Beetlejuice

Carrie (2012 Off-Broadway)

Hadestown

Hamilton

Les Misérables

The Phantom of the Opera

Six

VIDEO GAMES

Detroit: Become Human

Red Dead Redemption 2

What’s below the cut?

A masterlist of characters in each fandom that will be considered for each request (unless marked with an asterisk (*), all characters are assumed to be available for both romantic AND friendly matchups while names marked with an asterisk are only available for friendly matchups). Listed alphabetically by first name.

Don’t be afraid to tell me about a typo!

Any questions? Just want to talk? You can also use the  MATCHUP REQUESTS/ASK ME ANYTHING tab to get ahold of me!

SHOWS

Bellamy Blake

Clarke Griffin

Echo

Finn Collins

Harper McIntyre

Jasper Jordan

Johnathan “John” Murphy

Jordan Green

Lexa

Lincoln

Marcus Kane

Monty Green

Octavia Blake

Raven Reyes

Roan

Wells Jaha

Aziraphale

Anathema Device

Crowley

Newton Pulsifer

Mme. Tracy*

Witchfinder Sgt. Shadwell*

Chidi Anagonye

Eleanor Shellstrop

Jason Mendoza

Michael*

Tahani Al-Jamil

Amenadiel

Det. Chloe Decker

Det. Daniel “Dan” Espinoza

Ella Lopez

Eve

Dr. Linda Martin*

Lucifer Morningstar

Mazikeen “Maze”

Cesar Diaz

Jamal Turner

Jasmine Flores

Monsé Finnie

Oscar “Spooky” Diaz

Ruben “Ruby” Martinez Jr.

Andrew “Andy” Dwyer

Ann Perkins

April Ludgate

Benjamin “Ben” Wyatt

Christopher “Chris” Traeger

Donna Meagle*

Gerald “Jerry” Gergich*

Jean-Ralphio Saperstein*

Leslie Knope

Ronald “Ron” Swanson*

Ainsley Whitly

Det. Dani Powell

Edrisa Tanaka

Lt. Gil Arroyo

Det. James “JT” Tarmel

Jessica Whitly

Malcolm Bright

DI Greg Lestrade

Mrs. Hudson*

James “Jim” Moriarty

Dr. John Watson

Mary Morstan*

Molly Hooper

Mycroft Holmes

Sherlock Holmes

Dr. Adrian Mallory*

Capt. Angela Ali

Brig. Gen. Bradley Gregory*

Dr. Chan Kaifang

Duncan Tabner

Erin Naird

F. Tony Scarapiducci

Kelly King

Maggie Naird*

Gen. Mark Naird*

Abbie “Bela” Talbot*

Adam Milligan

Alex Jones

Balthazar

Benjamin “Benny” Lafitte

Castiel

Charlene “Charlie” Bradbury

Claire Novak

Crowley

Dean Winchester

Sheriff Donna Hanscum

Eileen Leahy

Ellen Harvelle*

Gabriel

Garth Fitzgerald IV

Jack Kline

Jessica “Jess” Moore*

Joanna “Jo” Harvelle

Sheriff Jody Mills*

John Winchester

Kaia Nieves

Kevin Tran

Lucifer

Meg Masters

Michael “Mick” Davies

Patience Turner

Robert “Bobby” Singer*

Rowena MacLeod

Rufus Turner*

Samuel “Sam” Winchester

Aaron

Abraham Ford

Andrea*

Beth Greene

Carl Grimes*

Carol Peletier*

Dale Horvath*

Daryl Dixon

Dwight

Enid*

Eugene Porter*

King Ezekiel*

Father Gabriel Stokes

Glenn Rhee

Hershel Greene*

Maggie Greene

Michonne

Morgan Jones*

Negan Smith

Paul “Jesus” Rovia

Rick Grimes

Rosita Espinosa

Sasha Williams

Tara Chambler

Tyreese Williams

MOVIES

Cher Horowitz

Dionne Davenport

Josh Lucas

Tai Frasier

Travis Birkenstock

Anne Wheeler

Charity Barnum

Jenny Lind

Lettie Lutz*

Phillip Carlyle

Phineas “P.T.” Barnum

W.D. Wheeler

Alastor “Mad-Eye” Moody*

Albus Dumbledore*

Arthur Weasley*

Cedric Diggory

Cho Chang

Draco Malfoy

Fleur Delacour

Fred Weasley

George Weasley

Ginevra “Ginny” Weasley

Harry Potter

Hermione Granger

James Potter

Lily Evans

Luna Lovegood

Minerva McGonagall*

Molly Weasley*

Neville Longbottom

Nymphadora Tonks*

Oliver Wood

Remus Lupin

Ronald “Ron” Weasley

Rubeus Hagrid*

Severus Snape

Sirius Black

Viktor Krum

Cinna

Effie Trinket*

Finnick Odair

Gale Hawthorne

Haymitch Abernathy*

Johanna Mason

Katniss Everdeen

Peeta Mellark

Anthony “Tony” Stark -- Iron Man

Dr. Bruce Banner -- Hulk

Carol Danvers -- Captain Marvel

Dr. Christine Palmer*

Clint Barton -- Hawkeye

Drax the Destroyer*

Edward “Ned” Leeds

Gamora

Groot*

Harold “Happy” Hogan*

Dr. Henry “Hank” Pym*\

Hope van Dyne -- Wasp

Sgt. James “Bucky” Barnes -- Winter Soldier

Col. James “Rhodey” Rhodes -- War Machine

Loki Laufeyson

Luis*

Mantis*

Dr. Margaret “Peggy” Carter*

Cdr. Maria Hill*

May Parker*

Lord M’Baku

Michelle “MJ” Jones

Nakia

Natasha Romanoff -- Black Widow

Nebula*

Col. Nicholas “Nick” Fury*

Okoye

Peter Parker -- Spider-Man

Peter Quill -- Star-Lord

Agt. Phillip “Phil” Coulson*

Pietro Maximoff -- Quicksilver

Rocket*

Samuel “Sam” Wilson -- Falcon

Scott Lang -- Ant-Man

Shuri

Dr. Stephen Strange

Steven “Steve” Rogers -- Captain America

King T’Challa -- Black Panther

Thor Odinson

Valkyrie

Virginia “Pepper” Potts

Vision

Wanda Maximoff -- Scarlet Witch

W’Kabi

Wong*

Yelena Belova

Yondu Udonta*

BROADWAY

Grand Duchess Anastasia Romanov

Dimitri Sudayev

Gleb Vaganov

Countess Lily Malevsky-Malevitch*

Dowager Empress Maria Feodorovna*

Vladimir “Vlad” Popov*

Adam Maitland

Barbara Maitland

Beetlejuice*

Delia Schlimmer

Lydia Deetz*

Carrie White

Christine “Chris” Hargensen

Susan “Sue” Snell

Thomas “Tommy” Ross

Eurydice

Hades

Hermes*

Orpheus

Persephone

Aaron Burr

Alexander Hamilton

Angelica Schuyler

Elizabeth “Eliza” Schuyler

George Washington

Hercules Mulligan

James Madison

John Laurens

Margarita “Peggy” Schuyler

Maria Reynolds

Marquis de Lafayette

Philip Hamilton

Thomas Jefferson

Cosette

Enjolras

Éponine Thénardier

Fantine

Insp. Javert

Jean Valjean

Marius Pontmercy

Carlotta Giudicelli*

Christine Daaé

Erik “The Phantom”

Mme. Giry*

Meg Giry

Raoul de Chagny

Anna of Cleves

Anne Boleyn

Catherine of Aragon

Catherine Parr

Jane Seymour

Katherine Howard

VIDEO GAMES

Carl Manfred*

Chloe

Det. Chris Miller*

Connor

Elijah Kamski

Lt. Hank Anderson*

Capt. Jeffrey Fowler*

Josh

Kara

Leo Manfred

Lucy*

Luther

Markus

North

Rose Chapman*

Simon

Abigail Roberts

Arthur Morgan

Beau Gray*

Charles Smith

Daniël “Dutch” Van der Linde

Eagle Flies

Hosea Matthews*

Javier Escuella

Johnathan “John” Marston Sr.

Josiah Trelawny

Karen Jones

Kieran Duffy

Leonard “Lenny” Summers

Marion “Bill” Williamson

Mary-Beth Gaskill

Micah Bell

Molly O’Shea

Penelope Braithwaite*

Rev. Orville Swanson*

Sadie Adler

Sean MacGuire

Simon Pearson*

Tilly Jackson

[clotpolesonly]

Take Me Out (Then Bring Me Home)

for day 2 of @sterekvalentineweek: anniversary

| Sterek | 500w | Gen | Established Relationship | Fluff |

(also on AO3)

--

“We’re going to that rooftop place downtown tonight. My treat!” Stiles announced. “It’s really nice—you should totally wear that suit, by the way, the one with the little pocket hanky thing—but I’ve been saving up to take you out, and it’s gonna be amazing, and I’m gonna buy you wine and fancy desserts, and—”

Derek caught Stiles’ gesticulating hand and pulled it back down onto the couch where it belonged. “You really don’t need to do all that.”

“I want to,” Stiles said with a pout. “Come on, Der, don’t you wanna go out and be all fancy for a night? It’s the height of romance!”

“It’s the height of pretentious and unnecessarily expensive,” Derek countered.

When Stiles’ pout edged into a real frown, Derek dragged Stiles’ hand back up, this time so that he could press a kiss to the back of it.

“Why are you so insistent on this anyway?” he asked. “It’s not your usual style.”

Stiles shrugged, cheeks pinking. “It’s our anniversary. Can’t I be excited about your anniversary?”

“Our six-month-iversary.”

“That still counts!”

Derek raised an eyebrow and Stiles deflated, slouching back into the couch cushions. He tugged Derek’s hand into his lap, restlessly fiddling with his fingers. Derek let him fidget and stall, knowing that, no matter how easy it was for Stiles to talk about nonsense for hours at a time, it always took him a few minutes to put actual meaningful words together. Vulnerability wasn’t easy for either of them. They were working on it.

“It’s just…I’ve never had a relationship last this long, okay?” Stiles finally admitted. “It’s a big deal for me.”

Derek took his hand back—ignoring Stiles’ noise of protest—but only so that he could cup Stiles’ cheek instead. He kissed Stiles gently, loving how it leached the last of the tension from Stiles’ shoulders. Stiles blinked at him when he pulled back, all wide, nervous eyes and soft, pink lips.

“It’s a big deal for me too,” Derek told him. “You’re a big deal for me.”

Those soft, pink lips stretched into a smile that made Derek’s heart do stupid, cliché things that he was glad no other werewolves were around to hear. Not that they hadn’t heard it before; Stiles’ smile always had that effect on him.

“Yeah?” Stiles asked, halfway between teasing and genuine. “Just me, in general?”

Derek rolled his eyes, but his thumb was sweeping tenderly along the line of Stiles’ jaw, so his disdain was probably unconvincing. “Don’t let it go to your head.”

“I won’t,” Stiles promised, “if you let me take you out tonight.”

There was only so long Derek could hold out in the face of those hopeful eyes. And, if truth be told, the idea of letting Stiles spoil him a little was not unappealing. He had mentioned fancy desserts, after all. Derek loved crème brûlée almost as much as he loved Stiles.

“Fine,” Derek said. “But just know that I’m only wearing the suit so that you can take it off me afterwards.”

With one last quick kiss, he left Stiles on the couch, gaping after him.

[bowenandjohnson]

i'm back again, this time with my isak skam rankings! (since i haven't seen enough of martino in my own opinion, he will not be included! sorry!)

1. cris soto peña, skam españa

cris' season was the first isak season i ever watched, and it's one of the best skam seasons i've ever seen. i feel like something skam spain was always really good at, unlike some other remakes, was doing the research (at least for s1-3. i do love amira naybet and parts of her season, but the later parts of season 4 needed WAY better execution, but i digress) about teens in their respective country. cris felt like her own character, much like isa from nl's first season, and she is one of the only characters in modern media that i can think of that isn't a harmful stereotype of bisexuality. i appreciated that spain's team took the time to research bpd and educate both irene and tamara on that topic while shooting, as my own mother struggles with bpd, and it think it's important to remember that this disorder doesn't define a person. it was so great to see cris grow over her season to a somewhat mature young adult, who knows now how to communicate and put herself out there. cris, as a character, is incredibly powerful, and i can see why a lot of people see themselves in her.

2. matteo florenzi, druck

i recently watched matteo's season this past semester, and honestly? i see a lot of myself in him, especially with his depression. my depression took a turn for the worse during the pandemic, and while i'm better now, skam is one of the reasons why i held on for so long. and like spain, i feel like the druck team also does a good job with connecting with the youth of their country and exploring issues that the original skam did not. david and matteo's relationship was so great to see on screen, and their sex scene was incredibly powerful and not overly sexualized. while i'd argue that some mistakes were made with the handling of some topics and the pacing of the season, i thought it was great how matteo transformed into a lighter person after embracing his own identity. he became more confident, and like cris with joana, made it clear to david that he was going to be there for him and support him, and that he had great friendships with the german boy squad. i hope he's out there living his best life.

3. isak valtersen, skam / shay dixon, skam austin

the reason i put shay and isak together is because they both share the distinction of being created by julie andem. isak is the original iteration, and his story is just as powerful as cris's and matteo's, i felt less of a personal connection with him. however, i do still love him as a character. skam s3 and s4 is where the series really began to have a surety about itself, and i especially liked how tarjei made you feel every inch of isak's self-loathing at first, his internalized homophobia, and how alone he feels, and i appreciated how by the end of the season, he is embraced by his friends, he embraces who he is, and like cris and matteo, he makes sure that even knows he's there for him. it's a beautiful story, and i'm glad he exists!

while shay is a "remake" of the original, i think julie andem created shay to perhaps correct some wrongs with her original series. shay, like megan being the only eva of color, would have been the only isak of color, and shay would have been a lesbian (adding further diversity). shay's season would also have been vastly different than grace and megan's season in my opinion, as shay already was out to tyler, one of her friends, and megan/grace were overtly aware of shay's identity, which led to conflict with them in a season 2 subplot, while tyler also grew closer to grace later on as "green nail polish girl." CAN YOU IMAGINE THE DRAMA? i also would have loved for them to delve into how internalized homophobia intersects with shay's identity as a Black woman in America. while we never got shay's season, she was a trailblazer in her own right, and i like to think the existence of shay might have led to the creation of fatou, a black lesbian german teen in druck's new gen. pour one out for shay dixon, please.

4. robbe ijzermans, wtfock / lucas van der heijden, skam nl

i liked how wtfock and nl built up their isak's relationships with zoe and isa, respectively. they felt like actual friends, instead of just the noora or eva being shoehorned in to fit a plot point from the og. i also just feel like i could be really good friends with both robbe and lucas? they seem both really creative and introverted, like me. they're good boys.

5. lucas lallemant, skam france

lucas is a fine isak, and i feel like this may be the best skam france season in terms of pacing, story, and characterization, but i didn't really connect to him like i did others. while axel is a good actor, i wanted to know more about what it means to be a lgbtq+ teen in france, and i feel like the new gen is tackling that somewhat better with characters like lola, maya, and max. i like his taste in clothing though, i have his romance sweatshirt actually!

anyway, let me know if you want more skam rankings from me, i'd be happy to tackle the rest of the boy squads, girl squads, love interests, etc. just shoot me an ask :)

[honevvpov]

Ducktales Sky Pirates . . . in the Sky! (OC Inserted)

The Sunchaser is returning from another adventure.

Louie Decorative vase? Probably three thousand... Small sack of gold coins, what's that worth, Webs, about five thou?

Webby It's historical value is immeasurable. Fought over for decades, Duckachuquack stole--

Louie

Interrupts Webby

Bub-bub-bub-bub-bub-- You know that is not what I mean. And I'm offended that you would try and taint this treasure hunt with learning!

Dewey You guys!

Accidentally kicks a can of Pep, spilling it on the floor

Louie Careful! Good thing you didn't get any on the treasure. 

Dewey attempts to wipe the spilled Pep up with a piece of cloth

Webby

Gasps

Like that priceless Andean ceremonial blanket?

Louie takes the blanket from Dewey

Dewey Where'd I get this flatteringly colorful headpiece, you ask? The place: Pato Pisco. The time-

Louie

Squeezing the blanket

Ugh, if this lessens the resale value I'm going to be so mad!

Dewey Aw...

Huey We are beyond lost and... Is this compass a sticker?

Skye Wait what?

Launchpad Ha-ha. Stickers are for kids, grown-ups call them decals.

Skye But you aren’t a kid...

Huey Then how do you navigate?

Launchpad Instincts, a keen eye, quick thinking... Ugh!

The plane almost crashed a mountain. Huey screams.

Launchpad And a cool head.

Dewey A cool head needs a cool hat. Ooh, not unlike this bold and daring chapeau. And the story behind it is equally bold and daring.

Huey Do you mind doing whatever it is you are doing later? I'm trying to get us home safe and... This radar is an ant farm?!

Skye Ooh interesting . . . look at the tiny ants.

Dewey goes down the ladder and sees Scrooge talking on the phone.

Scrooge

On the phone

Yearly polishing of the money in the bin

is

a necessary expenditure. I may be filthy rich, but I'm not unsanitary.

Dewey

Approaches Scrooge

 Now there's a man who knows a good hat. It's not just a head covering, it's a statement--

Scrooge

On the phone

 I'm not putting shiny new treasure in a dirty old bin.

Dewey Where did I find my new trademark hat? The place: Pato Pisco. The time--

Scrooge Not the time, Dewey!

Scrooge walks away, Dewey goes up to zephyr sitting on a crate beside a diamond.

Dewey The place: Pato Pisco! The time: this afternoon! There I was, face-to-face with Mt. Peligroso... 

Climbs up a stack of crates, crates almost tip over with zephyr.

Zephyr Hey! get off.

Louie Hey, feet of the merchandise! 

zephyr (Glares)

Grabs the jewel

Dewey I began to climb... 

Accidentally knocks a crate on Zephyr causing her to fall on Louie

Zephyr (Glares at Dewey)

Dewey (Nervously laughs)

Louie Zeph...you’re sti-stil-still on me... (Stutters)

Zephyr Sorry (Stands up), I dare you call me that again.

Louie (Stands up) FIne, Zephyr.

Zephyr (Glares)

Louie (Smirks)

Zephyr (walks away)

Webby Ouch...

Scrooge

On the phone

 ...I'm gonna have to call you back. 

Ends the call

 Go and take that seat 

Points to a seat

 and stay put before something else goes wrong!

Dewey sulks on the seat. A harpoon pierces the hull next to Dewey and tears out a hole.

Don Karnage

On speaker

 This is your fearsome Pirate Captain Don Karnage, welcoming you to our friendly skies. Prepare to be boarded!

Intro plays.

Scrooge

Gives Huey a mop and Dewey a shovel

Stand your ground. We will not give in to these rapacious raiders.

Louie pockets the jewel. A tuning whistle is played.

Crew

Yo-ho-yo! (7x!) Yo-ho! Yo-ho! Yo-ho!

Two-Toed Jack

Singing

Avast ye lads who be faint hearted

Crew

[Singing]

We rule these skies uncharted

Cruel and vicious hearties we

Who sail upon the skies and not the sea

Don Karnage

[Singing]

Tis I who lead this fearsome crew

With dagger, swagger, derring-do

Handsome and fearsome and suave

Crew

Singing

He's the famous pirate captain —

Don Karnage— Don Karnage!

Ha-ha!

Crew

[Singing]

Hoist the flag and weigh the anchor

Circle the ship and pull to flank 'er

Hi-ho, he lives to plunder

Don KarnageIt's true, I live to plunder.

Crew

[Singing] High up in the sky amidst a sea of storm and thunder

Don Karnage

[Singing]

Now back to me, the main event

A pernicious, vicious, rakish gent

A frustratingly charming blaggart

Crew

Singing

He'll steal all of your treasure and your heart

Don KarnageAnd now we dance! Ha!

Crew[

Singing

He's Don Karnage!

Don KarnageThat's me!

ScroogeWait, what?

Crew[

Singing

It's Don Karnage!

Don KarnageStill me! A-ha-ha-ha!

Crew

Singing

Pilfer the loot to fill our coffers

Parrot Been a pleasure to take it off ya!

Dewey Hey!

Crew

Singing

We'll put on a show

Stinky Boot Then steal your gold!

Crew

And then to the clouds, away we go

Don KarnageTo the clouds away I go!

Crew Yo-ho!

Silence

ScroogeWhat the

blazes

was that?!

Launchpad Bravo! Bravissimo!

Everyone but Launchpad LAUNCHPAD!

The Sunchaser crashes into a forest. Everyone gets off of it.

Scrooge My treasure!

Launcpad My plane!

Dewey My hat!

Scrooge

Looks at Dewey, then to Launchpad

 I cannae believe you were distracted by a bit of hammy hoofing!

Zephyr I can’t believe we got robbed by the dancing sky pirate ballerinas, that was really dumb, I was not impressed.

Launchpad I can't believe you weren't. Doo-doo-doo-doo-doo-- Oh, that's gonna be in there

all

day.

Scrooge and Zephyr Ugh.

Scrooge  just that plane out of this blasted tree and follow them, NOW!

Launchpad Whoa! Oof!

Launchpad attempts to start the plane, but the propellers get tangled up in vines.

Dewey

Fine, I'll get my hat from those blood-thirsty pirate myself. How do you like that? I bet you don't.

Launchpad We're not going anywhere.

Scrooge Launchpad, you start in on--

Launchpad

Humming to the pirate song's tune

 Tut ru rut tut tut tut--

Scrooge Eeuh... Huey, you and Launchpad start in on those plane repairs.

Huey Yes!

Launchpad Yo-ho, Mr. McDee!

Scrooge The two of you can inventory our supplies. Who knows how long we'll be stuck in this jungle. And Dewey... Dewey?

Huey gets splashed with blue engine fluid. Startled, he backs away and removes his cap.

Scrooge Ah, Dewey! You be lookout while I search for any treasure those kleptomaniacal corsairs may have missed.

Dewey Maybe I'll get killed by pirates, bet they'll pay attention to

that

story. Wait, why am I rooting for that?

Pirate crew membe rA two, three kick, turn... Turn, turn... Ha, I can't mess up me big entrance... (sees the Iron Vulture) Oh no, I messed up me big entrance!

Dewey grabs the wheel of the plane as it takes off.

Dewey Aaaaaaaah! This is a bad idea!

The plane enters the Iron Vulture. The pirates are celebrating for their performance and the treasure they stole.

Don KarnageWas everyone satisfied with that performance?

CrewYarr!

Don KarnageEven though your flybies weren't in sync, the harmonies were all off, and

someone

was late?!

CrewYarr...?

Don Karnage WRONG! You made me look like an amateur out there!

Hat Pirate But we got the treasure, Cap'n, ain't it what really matt'rs?

Don Karnage You're right, you can't all be so rhytmically gifted as Don Karnage. May I give you some "pointers" on your pirouette?

Don Karnage throws him off the Iron Vulture.

Don KarnageAnyone else want some pointers?!

Pirate ends up with his parachute caught in a tree.

Dewey tries to grab the hat but is soon discovered.

Dewey

Nervously

 Yarr...

Don Karnage Well, well, what have we here?

One-Eyed Linda A stowaway!

Don Karnage

To One-Eyed Linda

]Ugh, yes obviously, I meant that as a rhetorical menacing. 

Back to Dewey

 We have a special punishment for stowaways. Peg Leg Meg! How are those sky sharks coming?

Peg Leg Meg

The sky shark is chomping on Peg Leg Meg's peg leg

Not great, Cap'n.

Don KarnageDoes Don Karnage have to do everything himself?!

To Peg Leg Meg and Ugly Mug

You two! Watch him while I concoct an appropriately dramatic demise.

Don Karnage walks away, followed by Stinky Boot, One-Eyed Linda, and Two-Toed Jack. Peg Leg Meg and Ugly Mug slowly approaches Dewey.

Dewey I'm no threat to you guys. I was just getting my hat and I --

Ugly Mug Wait. 

Takes out Dewey's hat out of his pocket

This

be your hat?

Dewey [Gulp], yarr?

Ugly Mug Would you look at this, Peg Leg Meg?

This

hat will not be flying of your head as we sail the skies.

Peg Leg Meg's hat blows through a window another pirate just opened. She grabs the hat from Ugly Mug and puts it on.

Ugly Mug Tell me where you got it!

Dewey

Nervously

 Um, the place: Pato Pisco. The time...

Ugly Mug Go on.

Dewey I was climbing Mt. Peligroso! The wind: whipping at my face. Rocks: crashing down around me!

Back at the Sunchaser

Webby Good news! If we limit our rations, we can go nine whole days before we go mad with hunger!

LouieI should tell Uncle Scrooge the pirates left this behind.

Louie's reflection No,

you

saved it! It belongs to

you

now!

Louie Huh? Yeah, you're right, me.

Zephyr and Skye (Secretly watching) 

Skye He’s lost it...want to tell him what Webby planned?

Zephyr Nah, let him suffer, this is amusing to watch. (eyebrows raised in question)

Skye Here Webby comes!

Webby I can't believe the Sapphire of Souls is gone!

Louie The... what now?

Webby Big blue gem? Priceless beyond all imagining? Reflects your innermost thoughts and desires?

Louie Yeah, but Scrooge probably won't miss

one

measly little piece of treasure, right?

Webby He's been searching for that gem for decades. Oh, I would

not

want to be those pirates when Scrooge finds them!

Louie So Scrooge can't know that I have you, but if I could sneak you back with the other treasure and find you for him, he'll let me keep you.

Louie's reflection Uh, I don't know, that sounds a little far-fetched...

Louie Don't you go soft on me, evil Louie! Do you hear me?! It'll all be fine...

Webby What was that?

Louie

Hides the gem behind his back

]Nothing crazy!

Dewey When I ran across a rainbow colored alpaca who told me she had been waiting decades for The Chosen One. And guess what?

Peg Leg Meg & Ugly Mug What?

Dewey I was The Chosen One! Then she knit me this hat out of her wool!

Peg Leg Meg Shiver me timbers! What a tale!

Dewey See? It's not just some dumb hat when you've heard the whole story, and it's mostly all true!

Ugly Mug Wish we could be the chosen ones, but here we are, stuck in the chorus...

Dewey Oh, hey, come on! I thought your dance number was great.

Peg Leg Meg Aw, thanks. But we're really just there to back up the Captain when he provides the distraction.

Ugly Mug How will anyone see my beautiful arabesque sitting in a plane? 

Does an arabesque

Dewey Ooh-hoo, I love it! You know what? Flip that into a jazzy fouette and you'll be center of stage for sure.

Ugly Mug You think? Oh, nah, the captain will never go for it.

Dewey Why does that jerk Don Karnage get all the attention and not us-- I mean, uh, you guys?

Peg Leg Meg Well, because he's... the captain?

Dewey Well, what if he wasn't?

The pirates draw swords and force Don Karnage toward the open hatch.

Don Karnage You

dare

mutiny against me, Don Karnage?! You are nothing without me!

Ugly Mug takes off Don Karnage's hat, does a fouette, then pushes him off the Iron Vulture.

Don KarnageYou bit players haven't seen the last of Don Karnaaaaaaage! 

Opens his parachute

,

then hits the ground

Kick out Don Karnage, will they? I must retake my ship and get my revenge against that 

Takes out his sword

child who DARED steal the crew of the rapacious rogue of the rain clouds.

HueyOkay, Launchpad, try it again!

Don Karnage observes the McDuck family fix the plane.

Don KarnageA-ha-ha! 

Gasps

But they will never help the devilishly handsome pirate who stole their treasure... I must call upon every skill in my repertoire. I must become... someone else.

Scrooge Eugh, those pilots were thorough... Not even a coin left in the seat cushions. 

Sighs

VoiceOooooh!

Scrooge

Gasps

A Mysterious Man Thank goodness you have found me.

Scrooge Gah! Where'd you come from? Way to be a lookout, Dewey!

Dr. Tom KarnageI am Dr. Tom Kar......naaaaaaage? An attractive and charming plant scientist.

Huey You mean a botanist?

Dr. Tom Karnage You

dare

correct the FIERCE CAPTAIN... of the Plant Sciencing Committee? That dashing scoundrel, Don Karnage--no relation-- stole my vital plant research. You must take me to his ship and get back what is MINE... for the good of plantology!

Scrooge notices the lab coat-sized hole in the parachute.

Scrooge Excuse us just a moment. 

huddles the group together

We all know that's Don Karnage, right?

Zephyr -and that he is a Moron, nothing new.

Launchpad He seems to know a lot about plants...

Huey and Skye You know, he might be able to help us find that pirate ship faster--

Skye and Huey (Smiles at each other)

Dr. Tom Karnage YES! I will lead you to the ship so I can kill... lect that flower. Oh, look, leaves!

Scrooge

Sighs

 just get on the plane and don't steal anything this time.

The Sunchaser gets off the ground. Cut to Dewey leading the pirates through a dance routine.

Dewey Woo! Good job everyone! Listen, this has been great, but I should take my hat and go. Everyone would wanna hear about where I've been.

Ugly Mug Or...

you

could have

this

bigger hat, Captain Dewey?

Dewey Oh, wait, what now?

Ugly Mug

The crew gathers around Dewey

You've taught us to be our own pirates and stand out. Now it's our turn to stand out... behind you.

Peg Leg Meg So, Cap'n, who would be the first to witness the talents of the Dread Pirate Dewey?

Dewey dons the captain hat and grins.

Dr. Tom Karnage The Iron Vulture usually anchors up there... one would assume.

Scrooge Set the course, Launchpad.

Launchpad I think they're coming to us.

Skye Uh, Oh

Zephyr you have to be joking not again...Wait...where’s Dewey?

Scrooge What? isn’t he here/

Zephyr Count us.

Launchpad dodges the Iron Vulture. Dewey plays the tuning whistle.

Crew Yo-ho-yo! Yo-ho-yo! Yo-ho, yo-ho, yo-ho!

Ugly Mug

Singing

Prepare ye lads to be surprised

Crew

[Singing] With shanty single our reprise

Cruel and vicious hearties we

Who occasionally like to get jazzy

Launchpad Doo-doo-doo-doo-doo- So catchy.

Dr. Tom Karnage Who DARES steal my big show stopper?

Dewey

[Singing] Tis I who lead this fearsome crew-y

With dagger, swagger, derring--

The main characters Dewey?!

Zephyr Actually not suprised...now that I realize

Skye I would have listened to his story but I was busy with Launchpad and Huey.

Dewey

[Singing] Yes look at me the main attraction

This story's full of daring action

Perhaps you finally won't ignore us

So bend your ear and hear some from the chorus

Stinky Boot

[Singing] Ahoy to you, I'm Stinky Boot

Me pride and joy be plunderin' loot

Ugly Mug

[Singing] Big mateys call me Ugly Mug

But I prefer to go by Jitterbug

Dewey Alright, that's enough guys!

Peg Leg Meg

[Singing] I'm Peg Leg Meg, the ship's first mate

My high kicks truly are first rate

Hardtack Hattie

[Singing] Thar she blows, I'm Hard Tack Hattie

My dancing skills, they just might drive you batty

Twins

Singing

Bonjour, we're the twins with a rhythmical knack

One-Eyed Linda

Singing

One-Eyed Linda

Two-Toed Jack

Singing

And Two-Toed Jack

Intern

Singing

I'm just an intern for the summer

Dewey Come on!

Intern

Singing

But it feels like this song has gone one forever

Dewey Okay, let's wrap it up.

The Iron Vulture engulfs the Sunchaser and harpoons it to the inner hanger.

Crew

[Singing] Heave-ho below, it's time to go

We dearly hope that you like the show

I mean 'cuz your heart we already stole

We'll open up our ship and swallow you whole

Dewey We'll open up our ship and swallow you whole!

Crew Yo-ho!

Dewey Yo-ho! Ah... Was I late on the Yo-ho? Should we take it from the top? Okay.

Crew Rrrgh...

Dewey Eeeeeeeh? I like my hat now.

Scrooge I didn't even know he was gone all that time?

Huey I thought he was on lookout!

Louie Yeah, he was definitely there when we went back to the plane, right?

Webby Yeah, I think so.

Skye This is embarrassing...

Dewey You didn't even notice I was gone?! That's it, I'm staying here.

Scrooge You ran away, joined a pirate crew, and you are mad at us?!

Dewey Let them go and give them back their tainted treasure! If they can't remember me, I don't wanna remember them!

Ugly Mug Give the treasure back?

Louie That probably won't be all the treasure, not all of it. A jewel or something, you know, could have been lost forever during that dance number...

Skye (Smiles at Louie) Ha, you have no clue.

Louie what.

Zephyr (Rolls her eyes)

Peg Leg Meg Don't you want to ransom them or make them walk the plank or, you know, something pirate-y?

Dewey Really Peg Leg Meg?! First you cut me off during the big number then you give me notes?!

Peg Leg Meg He sounds a lot like Don Karnage...

Ugly Mug...but with less treasure...

Peg Leg We may be singing and dancing pirates...

Ugly Mug...but we still

be

pirates. It's into the skies with ye all!

The pirates prepare to dump the McDuck family out the hatch.

Dewey Great, now everyone pays attention to me.

Ugly Mug It's into Davy Jones' Upper Cabinet with ye!

Dewey Come on, mateys! Remember how we all hated Don Karnage? It's good times, right?

Peg Leg Meg We actually hate you more than--

Dr. Tom Karnage--me?!

Ugly Mug Who be you? Some sort of plant scientist?

Zephyr Morons

Skye (Laughs)

Don Karnage

Takes of his disguise

 It is I, The Master of Disguise in the skies, Don Karnage! Ha-ha!

Dewey Uh-oh.

Don Karnage The pirates of Don Karnage deserve better than this two bit bilge rat.

Peg Leg Meg Aww, Cap'n.

Don Karnage I only push you because I believe you can do better. And those that can't, I kill. You may be talentless backup, but you are the talentless backup of Don Karnage.

Ugly Mug

Sobs

Bring it in, guys. Bring it in.

Louie Come to push us off the plank yourself, "Captain Dewey"?

Skye (Laughs) “Captain Dewey.”

Dewey Hey! it’s not that funny...and uh, so listen. Things got a little out of hand. Sure, I wanted attention, but I don't know--

Scrooge If we listened to your story earlier, you wouldn't have fallen in with this, lad.

Huey You should really communicate your needs more clear-- I mean, we're sorry.

Dewey No, I'm sorry. With so many people it's so easy to... get lost in the shuffle!

The kids Ding!

Don Karnage Excuse me,

my

ship. Only

I

get the heart-felt moment of realization. En guarde!

Don Karnage swings his sword, but ends up cutting the rope binding the McDuck family, and losing his sword and hat to Dewey. Dewey bats a wrench to the controls closing the hatch and turning off the main lights. The red emergency lights turn on in response.

Don Karnage Cue my dramatic duel spotlight!

Crew A duel!

Don Karnage and Dewey spar, but Dewey disappears as Don Karnage delivers a coup-de-grace.

Huey Ha-ha, you salty sky dog... I'm Dewey! I fear not the likes of you-ey!

Louie I have a colorful personality, not unlike my hat, hehe. Watch how I Dewey it! Dew-dew-Dew, Dewey it...

Don Karnage Stop that! Come back here and die!

Skye Let’s Dew-y this sky Pirates!

Zephyr Come and get me I’m the tiny blue one that holds the power of a Rainbow Llama from a mountain apparently, come let’s de-wl!

Webby I'm sweet and sensitive and full of secrets, and, uh, something about Mt. Peligroso...

Dewey Aw, they really do pay attention...weirdly West included.

Don Karnage Wait a minute. Quickly, the follow light!

Scrooge finds and immediately collects the stolen treasure.

Dewey Ha! Retreat. Everybody in! I'll hold them off.

Don Karnage Get them!

Scrooge How are you going to distract an entire crew of blood-thirsty pirates?

Dewey takes out a pitch pipe and blows.

Crew

Singing

Avast ye lads who be faint hearted

We rule these skies uncharted

Don Karnage What are you doing?! They're getting away!

Crew

[Singing]

Cruel and vicious hearties we

Who sails up on the skies and not the sea

Dewey Bon voyage, Don Karnage!

Skye Talk about a cool exit!

Dewey throws the sword and Captian hat. Launchpad pulls the plane out of the Iron Vulture.

Karnage No one escapes the villainous me! Stop dancing! Man the cannons! Who's steering the ship?!

The Iron Vulture crashes into a near mountain.

Don This is why only I get the solos. 

Points his sword

CURSE YOU DEWEY DUCK!

Cuts to inside of the Sunchaser.

Zephyr I found this with the treasure. (Passes it to Uncle Scrooge as he sits down beside dewey) (Leaves while sending Dewey a genuine smile)

Dewey Hey, my hat! (Smiles back, suprised)

Wears the hat

Scrooge It certainly is, uh, unique. How did you... come by it?

Louie Everyone, listen up! 

Approaching Scrooge

Zephyr (whispering toward Skye) The moment we have all been waiting for.

Skye (Laughs softly)

I am a hero. At great risk to my personal safety I have rescued Scrooge's most valuable piece of treasure: The Sapphire of Souls.

Scrooge Never heard of it.

Louie

Gives the gem to Scrooge

 It's a priceless gem that reflects your darkest desires?

Scrooge This is priced at $29.50.

Louie What the-- I didn't even steal a real treasure?!

Webby Ha-ha, got ya! I bought that at the airport. Ha, tell me not to make treasure about learning. Everything's about learning! Ha-Ha. (Jumps hugs Louie, happily)

Zephyr Honestly, that was adorable.

Skye Agreed, any hug from Webby is adorable.

Scrooge Go ahead lad, I'm listening.

Dewey What do you know about alpacas? 'Cause I ran across a rainbow colored alpaca who told me she had been waiting decades for The Chosen One, and guess what? I was The Chosen One!