#I need buck to have a storyline here where he just understands himself

[eh-33]

I need Evan Buckley to be romanced. I need him to be a stuttering mess, acting like he’s never been woo’d before. I need to see him nervous and gain confidence in dating men.

Buck deserves this after all the relationships he’s had where he feels he needs to better himself to deserve his partner.

I want there to be at least a few episodes of him and Tommy together so that Bucks bisexuality can be an individual character story and not something linked to buddie.

Because honestly buck being bisexual matters more to me than Buddie being canon, so I would rather them honour this storyline and do it as well as they can than use it as a stepping stone to buddie and rush it.

Coming out stories where there is no angst and just the road to understanding themselves is not shown enough and 9-1-1 has an opportunity to show a man in his 30s discover himself with no (real) drama and just loving acceptance from his family.

[lemotmo]

I was hoping someone would ask her this. I know that makes me terrible 😅

Q. I don't know that you can look at it as the show or Tim not bothering to use him. It might actually be they're just being selective about when and how they use him. That might be a good thing.

A. Okay, I understand that at this point you all don't really have a lot of cards left to play so I get the need to make 'they're being strategic with how they use him' sound remotely plausible. It's not. That is not at all what they're doing. Mentioning his name costs them nothing. A line here or there to establish his presence, especially with Buck, costs them nothing. It's the easiest way to work a non main into the narrative. The problem with giving Buck and Eddie love interests separate from one another was always going to be figuring out how to work that person into the narrative consistently enough to compete with the BuckandEddie thing. On paper Tommy is the easiest love interest, by far, to work into the narrative. It's not hard at all to find places you could realistically slot him into. Look at how much they have inserted Brad into Bobby's narrative. And he doesn't fit in nearly as neatly as Tommy does. But the show has done it, and they've done it believably. He doesn't feel shoehorned into his scenes. They make sense. The show is more than capable of using Tommy effectively. If that's what they wanted to do. They're not using him because they don't need him. Tommy was never the point. Him being male was the point.

It was always going to be difficult to bring in someone and get the audience to a place where they would want Buck or Eddie to have the moments or conversations, that they would normally have with one another, with their love interest instead of each other. It was going to take effort. You don't need a ton of scenes but you need meaningful scenes. Scenes that show a genuine connection. And the show has made a point of not giving them any kind of emotionally connecting scenes. Oliver has even basically confirmed that in all of his interviews. Their relationship is not deep. They're avoiding that connection, or most likely Buck, is avoiding that connection. The reason why Buck is avoiding those conversations is the point of his story, and what we've yet to learn. Tommy is the amalgamation of every relationship Buck has had throughout the series. He is all of his love interests rolled into one. The age difference and teacher role of Abby, the fun doesn't want anything too deep and messy of Ali, the we're completely different and incompatible but attracted to one another and Buck wants to make it work of Taylor, and finally to the relationship in name only of Natalia. Tommy is all of those things. The only difference is he's male. His maleness was and is the only important thing about him in terms of Buck's storyline. He is the last piece before Buck figures himself out. There isn't a nicer way to say that. His only important trait is being male. He's a walking, talking plot device.

They're not being subtle about where this Eddie storyline is going. They're not. It's not hard to follow the yellow brick road here. Last night was the official start of his coming out arc. You can pretend you didn't see it. You can pretend the subtext and undertones of his entire plot last night wasn't what it clearly was, but it won't change the reality of what we all can see coming. My ask box indicates most of you can see what is happening here. Some of you can keep denying, that's your fandom right, but it won't change the storyline. If Tommy was ever going to be a genuine factor they would have leaned into him more, especially where Buck is concerned. They didn't do that. They leaned even more into Buddie. They have added an unnecessary Buddie moment into each episode so far. And that dates back to the start of last season. To make any other love interest remotely viable they needed to adjust the way they write Buddie and instead they doubled down on them. Buck's entire plot last night was how differently he reacted to and dealt with finding himself in the very same position Tommy was in back in season 2. They spent the entire episode highlighting how differently they handled the same situation. That's the point. And it wasn't a point in their relationships favor. They are massively different people. I have said all along that I don't think they're going to turn Tommy into the bad guy on his way out the door, and the way they handled Gerard last night, gross, further proves that belief. They're just incompatible. Something Buck probably already knows but is avoiding dealing with at the moment. Allowing Buck the agency to make the breakup about what is right for him, and only him, is the correct way to go. Giving him the ability to identify, recognize and finally walk away from the pattern is the growth he's earned. And having it happen an episode before or even during Eddie's big moment is deliberate. This is only going to go one way. Pretending you don't see the train coming isn't going to make it stop.

Thank you so much Nonny! As always, much appreciated.

And thank you Ali for saying the things we have all been repeating into infinity, but summarizing it so neatly and making it easy to understand for everyone who desperately needs to hear it.

I'm just leaving this here without adding anything. I feel all that needed to be said has been said and to be completely honest? I'm tired of talking about the guy. 🤷‍♀️

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If you are interested in more of Ali’s posts, you can find all of her posts so far under the tag: anonymous blog I love.

[anders-holmvik]

can we talk about 8x06 confessions because id love to talk about confessions...

buddie analysis in this ep is well worn territory for good reason bc it was nuts so TRUST i agree w all of it but i wanna talk about eddie solo

first of all lets compare eddie's relationship with religion to bobby's:

in s1, when things become awkward in the confessional between bobby and father brian, bobby suggests that they move out into the pews and sit in the open, and that's where he confides in the priest man-to-man, not man-to-servant of god. and this is because bobby understands his transgressions, how the fire was technically not his fault because the building wasn't up to code, but it was also his fault because it was caused by his core issues (his addiction). Bobby's relationship with god is unwavering and he knows that god forgives unconditionally, but he craves human connection as forgiveness which is why he brings the priest out of the anonymity of the confessional box and out into the open pews. notably, once he opens up to buck chimney and hen about his past, he finds himself a lot lighter and no longer seeks the church for guidance as much even tho he remains explicitly religious. this is pushed further when he and athena bond over church, but it is essentially this human connection beyond his uniform, his "disguise," that starts his healing journey.

eddie, on the other hand, does not seek to connect personally with the priest. when things get awkward in the booth, he doesn't try to connect w him as a man because eddie is looking to be absolved by god. in fact, he pushes harder for the priest to reaffirm god's disappointment in him. he's been spiraling and cycling for so long that he doesn't know where else to turn other than the church. but then he hears from the priest that god provides unconditional love, and eddie doesn't accept that, so he leaves.

no one else around him knows that he's punishing himself in genuinely every aspect of his life so they can't absolve him (which probably wouldn't even make him start to forgive himself because neither chris nor his parents have and he feels like he wronged them personally) so it isn't until the priest, coming upon him accidentally outside of the church, not in uniform but dressed in white (like an angel) opens up to him man-to-man over the seemingly small punishment of choosing water over juice. and the priest is the only one who can connect to eddie in this way because he's also a servant by occupation.

and it's low hanging analysis but the obvious reference to the story of jesus and turning water into wine is invoked here, which is also a metaphor in the bible about balancing work and joy in life.

so eddie is absolved, not through some godly sign, but just by the priest coming to him as another human because god already forgave him because that's what He does. but only because it came unplanned from a Godly figure at a location OUTSIDE THE CHURCH does it work. and he takes off his disguise. This is crazy work because eddie considers himself to not be superstitious or religious yet is the deepest believer in signs and punishments …

the other thing this ep does is that even outside of eddie's storyline, a lot of it is About Eddie. The well call, the divorce call, the cold open call about being "haunted" by a dead woman. The well and divorce calls were for chimney and buck's developments respectively, but they're directly tied to eddie.

the well being the well #obvi but the divorce call first styling the wife like shannon, then featuring the man who sneezed (little outbursts) after telling lies, which resulted in him rupturing his sutures and spilling out. it's a metaphor for repression. i said that as a joke over on twitter a few days before the ep aired but then it actually rang true.. he tried to hold it in and still get away with lying, but it caught up to him and now he metaphorically can't take the truth back because its spilled out. CRAZY WORK. chad and andrew we may need to have words

[vianbarnes]

my buddie going canon ideal scenario and why it could happen before eddie fully realises he’s gay

i’ve been cooking up this scenario for a while now but before going into it i wanna clarify that i don’t think eddie’s homosexuality is tied to buck and just that. i could write a full essay about eddie’s queerness without even mentioning buck. HOWEVER i do think buck could be the key to eddie’s discovery, the last puzzle piece that makes it all make sense.

narratively speaking, i think it could be interesting to see buck and eddie get to the same conclusion (that they’re in love with each other) but in the complete opposite way. while for buck it’s oh shit i’m bi > oh shit i’m in love with eddie, for eddie it would be oh shit i’m in love with buck > oh shit i’m gay. and obviously eddie is starting his own journey just now, so he might realise he’s gay and then it could click for him that all he’s been looking for was there all along, but i do think that - since this is a tv show - it would be interesting to offer a different side of the story to the audience. and yes i know that buck’s queerness and eddie’s queerness are very different already, but i’m specifically referring to their storylines leading up to buddie. (also this is just a personal side note but i think i would be lowkey crazy to have both of them realise they’re queer and still not understand their feelings for each other, like i know they’re dumb and dumber but c’mon!!!)

ok so now let’s put on the tinfoil hat

we literally know nothing about what’s gonna happen in the next episodes so i don’t have any solid theory on how we could get to this scenario. some of the interviews were teasing some potential tension (or angst even) between buck and eddie so my brain took this information and ran with it. a lot of us were also theorising a nde for buck, for eddie or for both of them at the same time and that could also be the setup for what i’m thinking.

but first let’s analyse where buck and eddie are right now (and in the upcoming episodes)

buck was just broken up with so now he’s trying to explore his sexuality and understand it more. it feels like the search for “his last” has just started and he’s excited to look at relationships and love through a new lens, but he also might feel a little discouraged that he has to do it all over again. he might be thinking “now that i have all these new possibilities, why is it still so hard to find my person?” (average bisexual experience i will tell you that much).

eddie on the other hand is slowly trying to forgive himself and love himself, accepting joy and not pushing away his desires and needs. allowing himself to feel certain feelings and just let go. he’s taking small steps to show up for himself just like he does for his loved ones every day (we still don’t know how far they’re gonna go with his story so the next episodes are definitely gonna be interesting)

so, with all that being said, here’s how buddie could go canon:

it’s late and buck shows up at eddie’s house. they’re in the kitchen drinking a beer, both leaning on the counter and not looking at each other at first. something has happened between them that they need to clear up (could be an argument, a fight or some very important words exchanged when they thought they were about to lose the other).

as much as i love a “because i love you!!” screamed during an argument, i don’t see that happening in this scenario. i imagine them having the softest, most honest and open conversation where they lay it all out - without even realising what they’re doing. at some point, buck is gonna say something that will make it finally click for eddie. if it’s an argument he could say something like “i need you in my life”/“i want you in my life forever”, or if this happens after a nde he could say “i can’t imagine my life without you”/“i don’t know how i could live without you” (i’m not a writer but you get the gist lol)

and that’s when eddie finally allows himself to feel what deep down he’s been feeling for years, and so he leans over and kisses buck. the kiss is pretty short: eddie pulls away almost immediately, as if his body was possessed by something and he just snapped out of it. buck can’t believe what just happened, but it takes him just a few seconds to realise and to grab eddie’s face and kiss him back. they start making out, they go out of frame, the screen turns black, the episode is over.

now let’s talk about the aftermath of the kiss. because if we know 911 we know that this goddamn show can’t let people just be happy so of course there’s gonna be some angst and miscommunication.

after the kiss, they don’t really talk about it. they might even get interrupted by something else (maybe eddie has to go to texas to get chris back?) so they have to postpone the what the fuck just happened conversation. and that’s when both of them start to spiral, but for different reasons. buck of course thinks that eddie’s distance means that he regretted the kiss, that they got caught up in the moment but that he doesn’t feel that way about him and he basically ruined their friendship. eddie is also freaking the fuck out: he’s panicking about how they could make their relationship work, how they could tell christopher, he’s questioning literally his whole life and past relationships like oh my god have i been gay this whole fucking time??, he’s worried about their jobs, how they’re gonna tell bobby and the others. basically questioning everything but buck.

being the idiots that they are, they’re gonna convince themselves that the other regretted everything and they’re gonna avoid each other and never have that much needed conversation. the 118 obviously notices that something is off, but no one knows what it is. until hen and eddie finally talk and he tells her everything: what happened, what made him panic and doubt everything and what’s stopping him from talking to buck. hen is shocked but not necessarily surprised. her and karen look at eachother (yes karen is there too because of eddiekaren bestfriendism that is very real to me) and then hen says something like “i don’t have the answers to all of these questions, but i’m sure of one thing: you love him and he loves you. you can figure out the rest together. go talk to him” (i think it would be nice for eddie to have this conversation with henren as a couple, since his biggest fears and concerns are about how they could make the relationship work)

eddie feels like he just woke up from a 20+ year long sleep. he runs out of hen’s place, hurrying to his car, and from now i’m picturing a full romcom montage with him just fighting for his life to get to buck’s apartment: traffic, construction work so he has to take a detour, his shirt is drenched in sweat so he has to go back home to change because surely he can’t show up at buck’s looking like that. once he gets home, he sprints to his room to find a new shirt (maybe he puts on too much cologne - the one buck likes - and he has to change again. just because it would be fun to see him in distress). he fixes his hair for the 100th time, grabs his keys, finally opens the front door and stops in disbelief. buck is on his doorstep, hand mid-air about to knock. they look at each other and in that moment they just know. they both lean in and go for the kiss aaand BUDDIE CANON !!!! (+ the buck at eddie’s door parallel finally having the romcom resolution it always meant to have)

of course i have no clue how we could get there, but i do feel like it would be true to the show if they didn’t immediately get together and if there was some angst between them. i hope that once they get together they won’t try to break them up (even just temporarily) so they might have to go through some shit at the very beginning of their relationship for that to happen.

alright tinfoil hat OFF folks. i always try to stay consistent to the show and only come up with theories that i could truly see being developed and i don’t think any of this is unrealistic. buuut i’m still a clown so who knows. quite frankly i’m fine with buddie canon either way (as long as their first kiss is initiated by eddie and it happens in his kitchen <3)

[bucksdaffy]

On one hand I do understand the need to finally let Buck be chill and just enjoy a stress free loving relationship. On the other hand GIVE ME THE ANGST. A big fight, incomprehension, one showing up to the other's door afterward and Buck understanding Tommy's not gonna leave him if/when they have problems I LOVE THAT

well, good news, nonny! 911 is a drama show, so if bucktommy are getting screentime, i think there’s a high chance we’re in for some good ol’ angst.

i can’t lie; i’d kill for a storyline where buck and tommy have a huge fight. buck feeling gutted because he fucked up—of course he did; he’s such a pain in the ass. tommy could do so much better. why would he stick around? he’ll leave, just like abby and ali did. he has better things to do with his life than deal with buck. buck isn’t tommy’s priority, just like he wasn’t taylor’s priority. why would it be any different this time? at the core, he’s still the same buck—the buck who everyone leaves once they get the chance to know him. it always ends when they get that look beyond the surface. no one wants to deal with that. tommy is no different; he showed it when he walked out the door mid-argument. it’s over.

yet buck keeps checking his phone, coming up with pathetic excuses totally unrelated to tommy to justify why he's doing it. but deep down, he knows. he can feel his heart full of hope that he’ll see tommy’s name in his notifications. but he never does. and it’s tearing him up inside. he wants to reach out; he desperately wants to make it work. but the problem is, it’s not something that tommy wants. and buck loves him, so he has to respect that.

and this goes on for a couple of days, buck losing hope that tommy might prove him wrong with each passing moment. it is just like all the last times. buck was naive to even hope that this relationship would be different. so he comes back home from his shift one dreadful day, ready to go straight to bed and cry his eyes out like the pathetic loser he feels he is. but as he opens the door, he stops dead in his tracks. because tommy is sitting at the table, waiting for him.

he apologizes for taking so long to get back to him, saying they both needed space to process their feelings. buck at that point doesn’t even remember what they were arguing about; all he can focus on is that tommy’s here. he came back. he wants to resolve this. he doesn’t want to give up. he still wants to fight for their relationship.

buck learns tommy left only because they kept going in circles, and arguing further would only cause them to resent each other. and this was something tommy desperately wanted to avoid. he needed the space to remind himself of what matters to him the most: buck.

and then buck just embraces tommy, tears streaming down his face, happy because he finally has a partner who is just as invested in the relationship as he is. and he knows now that although they might need a little break from time to time, they’ll always come back to each other. and this realization is what finally allows buck to relax into this relationship, feeling more confident and secure that he has finally found his person who’s not going anywhere. of course, he still has doubts from time to time, as it’s hard to fully change your thinking habits just like that. i think buck is the type of person who needs constant reassurance to know that something's working. so, with every next fight—while definitely easier on him—there’s still a twinge of anxiety in his chest because what if this is the moment that finally causes tommy to leave? but it never happens. and despite all the hurdles in their relationship, buck finally feels more secure than he’s ever been in his life.

okay, i kind of went full-fanfic with this one. i’m pretty sure nothing fully developed like that will happen in canon—if anything, maybe a mild version of it. but honestly, i think it would be so satisfying if we got such a storyline. i really want buck to have a romantic partner with whom he can be absolutely vulnerable without worrying that they might leave. however, i don’t think this could happen without a proper big fight first. i really hope tim decides to explore this aspect of their relationship in the future.

[morganski-19]

For any of my buddie shippers or gay eddie truthers who feels like episode 5 is a massive blow, it's not over yet. I think that we've really been harping on episode 6 being the big coming out getting together scene, and that has let us fall into false hope. And I honestly have had the stance that buddie, if it does happen this season, will be in the latter half of the season.

This is not a story that should be rushed. Oliver talks about how he wants Buck to have a slow burn. Eddie needs time to figure out himself, and deal with his trauma. That can't happen in the first six episode where three of them are just the opening emergency. It just wouldn't make narrative sense.

Let's remember the three act structure that is so prevalent in a lot of media. Because I am terrible at explaining things, I’ve put in a picture.

This season has 18 episodes, so we are very much still in the set up stage of this season. I think that since most of the plot points from season 7 are wrapped up except for Eddie and Christopher's, it is a good bet that their story line will be driven in this narrative.

I think the inciting incident was that scene with Weston's dad in episode 4. It shows how Eddie feels about this situation more, and can bring out a lot of growth and movement as he tries to get Chris back.

Episode 6 would be 1/3 of the way through the season, and considering it is a direct parallel to eddie begins, I am considering that plot point 1.

Now here is where the speculation really starts. The mid point would be the episode before the winter break, and I think that will involve Eddie going to El Paso and getting Chris back.

Therefore, the rising action for this would be Eddie working through his own issues. Learning how to love himself, and starting his path to discovery. However, I honestly don't see him figuring it all out before Chris comes home.

No matter how this storyline will play out, Chris will be mad at Eddie the whole season. Their resolution will not happen until the end, after the climax.

I think the climax will be Eddie figuring out he is gay, and coming out to his son. Then, the two of them figuring out what that means for the both of them. Eddie grappling with how he can be gay and still have loved Shannon in the past. And Chris dealing with how his dad dated all of these woman for his betterment. Also dealing with the fact that his parents were not in love the way he thought they were.

Buddie, if it happens this season, will be part of the denouement. Because, while all of this is happening with Eddie and Chris, Buck will have his own storyline. One that will be very in line with Eddie's, because of how involved he is in the Diaz's life.

I think that, even if Buck and Tommy don't break up in episode 6 like I hope, their relationship won't last. Putting my hopes for Buddie aside, they are simply just not compatible as a couple. Buck will realize this on his own, whether that be his plot point one, or the climax of his story. It would then, allow for Buck to truly understand his feelings for Eddie, and give the audience that longing that a slow burn needs.

Because although us Buddie fans consider their relationship as a slow burn, the general public might not. They need to create that longing for all audiences, and not just us.

It is also good to mention that there is no Buddie without Chris. It almost wouldn't make sense to have Buddie happen without Chris in the picture.

[runninglikeabuckley]

my batshit season 7/8 theory is that eddie is going to end season 7 (and/or begin season 8) with amnesia. like full blown, ZERO memories of anyone, including the 118, chris and shannon, buck, his family, literally anyone. walk with me here.

i’m basically going off vibes here but in several interviews recently, ryan has referred to eddie ‘literally hitting the reset button’, exploring new territory, being isolated etc by the end of the season/start of season 8 and because this show is insane, i’m getting to the point where i’m wondering does he actually mean a literal reseat button. because eddie’s storylines this season have largely revolved around the past and his unresolved feelings about (and repression of) it. we have the christopher storyline in ep 1, the catholic guilt storyline, the kim/shannon stuff going on now. they’re making a point of bringing eddie’s past up because he hasn’t dealt with it. this man is the KING of repression.

so what if, either because of an injury on the job or sickness/stress etc, he completely loses his memory. AFTER the kim affair is revealed. so there’s this weird tension and then when amnesia!eddie is told he’s like ‘wtf is wrong with me??’ and it becomes a genuine exploration of what is wrong with him, coming from a place of curiosity because he does not understand the man whose body he is currently occupying.

i feel like you have to take eddie out of eddie for a little bit for him to fully understand himself. and if i was writing it (which i am bc i made this up) i would have him choose to go to texas. spend some time with his family, in his childhood home and genuinely figure himself out. and (bc i have to make everything a little bit about buddie) chris stays with buck. no matter what tension is there between buck and eddie after kim, chris and buck are together through this. and of course there’s a conversation about the will (bc we still have those bts pics of the diaz parents!!) and buck takes christopher, because if anything happens to eddie, that’s what is supposed to happen. and maybe that’s when the diaz parents/the 118 find out about it and they’re confused but eddie - somehow - isn’t. because he knows. and that’s why he wants/needs to go back to texas. because he knows that there are things he hasn’t let himself realise about himself, and he knows in his gut it’s not just his army PTSD or grief about shannon, that his trauma and issues go way deeper than he has let himself consider consciously. so he decides to do it for him/not-him. partly because he thinks the eddie that everyone is missing deserves to know himself and partly because he’s afraid if he gets his memories back he’ll never be brave enough to look at those parts of himself

and we get ‘eddie starts over’

because god knows he needs to

[bucchus]

Honestly it just feels like 911 has been going in circles for a while now. During season 5 i was already kinda getting bored and frustrated with some aspects of it so i only watched season 6 sporadically when they then moved to abc i was like I’ll give it another chance… liked the opening disaster and was then positively surprised by bi buck. But looking at the show now… literally every character seems to be in the exact same place they were years ago there is nothing really new happening anymore i feel like I’ve been watching the exact same storylines over and over again. There are hardly any new faces popping in that could freshen it up and if they do the side characters are gone again after a few episodes. Bobby and Athene have communication problems every season and Athena is a cop that gets some copaganda shit to do. Henren always have drama when it comes to expanding their family and hen‘s job. Chim never has a storyline outside of his wife and maddy is only needed when something regarding abuse pops up. Buck just recycles through wanting to find love and being dumped (now with the addition of male love interests but they still can’t even say his sexuality on camera) and Eddie is still finding himself and trying to heal. It‘s getting so repetitive i kind of wish they will end the show after season 8 because it seems to be getting worse and worse.

i agree mostly. i think tim really meant it when he said characters shouldn't change. i just took it to mean that their core characteristics should be kept intact while still growing into better versions of themselves. it's weird that tim seems to have forgotten about that part. recycling the same issues over and over doesn't make for good storytelling, imo—it just gets boring. the outcome is always the same—it seems like a given character has finally found the answer or made peace with themselves, only to circle back a season or two later. it's exhausting.

that said, it does remind me of real life in a way. people often think they've learned a lesson, only to end up repeating the same patterns over and over again. it takes tremendous self-discipline to change how we approach things, since we tend to stick with what feels most comfortable. so, in a way, i get why some of these characters fall back into the same habits—it's realistic. but here's where this argument falls short—as oliver likes to point out, this show is not a documentary. it doesn't have to reflect real life 1:1. honestly, who wants to watch characters constantly go in circles? it may work for a little while, but there comes a point where you have to know when to stop. i think buck's had enough failed relationships to have learned how to navigate or fight for one. i think bobby and athena have had enough conversations about difficult topics to understand that it's better to approach the situation in a healthier manner.

i'm not saying these problems need to disappear completely. i'm saying that it'd be nice to see the impact of the previous situations on the current one, with a character actually drawing from past experiences and trying to do better. it doesn't mean the character has to suddenly be perfect in that aspect—just that they're clearly trying. it'd be enough, and i think it would make for some compelling storylines. and once that's done, why not introduce some new challenges? why stick to the same tried-and-true approach? sure, it worked in the past, but that absolutely does not mean it's still the best option moving forward.

and don't get me even started on henren—or on CHIMNEY. who's chimney outside of being maddie's husband, jee's father and a paramedic? because i don't think even the writers know. that's why he's missing for like six episodes in season 5. maddie's gone, and suddenly no one knows what to do with him anymore, so they just write him off.

and when it so happens that chimney, maddie, eddie do get individual storylines, they’re always tied to the same past we’ve already revisited a thousand times. i get that it’s part of who they are, obviously, but is that really all there is to those characters? how about creating something new for them to go through and then exploring the repercussions of that instead? not just pretending the arc is over and leaving the consequences behind? seriously, is it really that hard?

[buddiebeginz]

Since everyone is so up in arms over Ryan's recent interview I wanted to compile some of what he's said in other interviews this season. There are a lot of breadcrumbs here that show Eddie's sexuality storyline is in the works it's just going to take some time to get fleshed out especially since there has been so much focus on Buck and his coming out this season.

----

But what about Eddie and Buck? Is there still a chance for romance between them?

"As far as [Eddie's] sexuality, I think it's pretty clear that he's tried to fill in this motherly, this wife type role—that's all he knows," Guzman explained. "And he's a man [that] first off, he's Catholic. Second off, he's from the military. So those are very straight-edge kind of lifestyles that don't offer too much of exploring. But through the 118, he's had this epiphany each year, like, 'Well, maybe I don't know as much as I thought I did. And maybe I should be exploring a little bit more and maybe I should understand myself a little bit more and even seek a therapist,' which is something new for Eddie. So I feel the representation is reflective of the inclusivity that Ryan Murphy's show likes to have and Tim Minear likes to write."

Parade

----

Did you have a personal reaction when you found out about the reveal of this moment and the change in Buck's character? Was it something you saw coming, or was it a surprise?

GUZMAN: Since there's so much talk about our characters, it wasn't a shock to me. For Buck's character, I feel like it kind of tracks. And I think that we trust Tim [Minear], to be honest. He's such a great, incredible writer, and he's very inclusive in his writing. And it shows beyond the sexuality, beyond representation. It shows humanity, and that's what I love about these characters. You can do whatever you want in the bedroom, but at the end of the day, that love remains, brother-sister, intimate relationship, whatever that kind of connection is. We allow the audience to get a sense of the human side. And I think we explore that in new ways every single season. So, this season, getting that opportunity to see Buck evolve into who he is has been just a beautiful storyline.

You've mentioned it a little bit already, but I can't not talk about the potential of romance between these two characters. It's such a huge aspect of the fandom around this show and around the commentary of this show. Did the reveal make you consider a romance between these two characters? Have you considered it seriously before? Or was it always, "We'll see where it goes, we'll see where it takes us"?

GUZMAN: It's always kind of been a "we'll see where it goes, we'll see where it takes us." Because, at the end of the day, it's a fine line between giving the fans what they want and also staying true to the characters themselves. As an actor, your one job is to give your character truth. And what I love about this whole world that we play in 9-1-1 is that truth changes at a moment's notice. So, we allow ourselves to stay open to all possibilities. At this moment, Eddie's got so much going on in his life as far as his relationship with himself, and Marisol, and God, that he's got his plate full. And to take on anything else at this moment, I don't know, he might crack again! [Laughs] So, who knows what happens with him, and we're here for Buck and his relationship. And, again, I think that strengthening of that bond is crucial.

I don't think either of these characters are ready for this yet. They need to settle their own lives first before anything happens in that direction!

GUZMAN: Yeah.

Collider

----

Do you think it was the right decision for Marisol to move back out?

Eddie has shown himself to go from zero to 100 all the time. He finds one girl that checks off a couple boxes in his list and he's like, "Ah, that'd be good enough. Let's get married." This time, thank God, he didn't need a Carla in his life to say "Slow down." He did it himself. He had a conversation with Bobby, he had a conversation with Buck, he figures it out and he goes, "Okay, maybe it's time to have some growth on my end." He is doing a big thing for not only him, but for his son. He's not trying to fill in this space that was left open by Shannon and he's taking care of that relationship that [Gavin McHugh's] Christopher has with his mother that passed. He realizes he has to take it a lot slower. It seems like a step back, but it is so many steps forward for Eddie in what that means to him and his family dynamic.

How did you react when you found out Buck was going to explore his bisexuality? And what did you think when you first read the scene where he comes out to Eddie?

I think we felt this scene was coming one way or another — and we knew we had to handle this with care, because there are so many people who have attached themselves.... Oliver and I are so grateful for the people who have attached themselves to our characters, and what they do with it. And so we really wanted to give this scene a sense of groundedness. And luckily for me, I've had an experience in my life where a friend trusted me with their own coming out, and I got to understand first person that it wasn't so much about me accepting them, it was more about me allowing them to feel safe and loved. So I wanted to exemplify that in this scene. Like, "Hey man, you can say whatever you got. I'm not going anywhere. Okay? This connection remains." That was something that forever changed my life — in my personal life, with my friend — so this had to feel the same for the millions of people who are going to see it, because some may not be getting this from their friends. Some may be scared to do this in front of their friends, and maybe this gives them the opportunity to find their own bravery, as Buck did, and go to their closest friend and say, "Hey, this is how I feel nowadays. Can you explore this with me?" I love that scene.

What else can you tease for Eddie this season?

Now that Eddie's taken that step forward with Marisol, that offers a lot of new obstacles. This is unknown territory — much like Buck's character, it's unknown territory. And that is something to be a little bit more scared of, to be honest, because we have no clue how to handle the unknown. So I think with Marisol and Eddie, their relationship is strengthening, but there's so many traumatic moments that Eddie still has yet to answer for himself in his own past. So how that plays into this present moment is a balancing act. And what I'd like to see is him handle it with ease, but that doesn't offer great TV. So yeah, he's going to be a mess just as much as he was — as we all are, really.

EW

[lenaboskow]

the gay!eddie storyline, and how it should go

this is gonna be a long one, so read under the cut

abc has the potential to do the most groundbreaking thing since 4/4/24, and that is a properly fleshed out, tear inducing catholic deconstruction coupled with a sexuality crisis leading to eddie realizing he's gay and in love with buck (with mention of how he still loved shannon, just not in the way he wanted to)

before i go into this, let me set the record straight (ha) and say that while eddie doesn't necessarily need to realize his feelings yet, i believe that he's the type of person to not let himself even think about his sexuality until it's staring him down in the form of being in love with his best friend.

anyways

they've already lain the groundwork. the fact that he ran at every given chance from shannon, even moved within driving distance of her and never picked up contact until chris' needs required it. the fact that he panicked at the idea of being a ready made family with ana, even admitting that he was in the relationship for chris and that he had hoped he would learn to love ana. the fact that he was most definitely in one long panic attack the entirety of 7x05.

why did he ask marisol to move in off screen? why did he ask her to move in after we'd only gotten two mentions of her the entire season (both in relation to her helping with chris)? i think he was overcompensating again. trying to fill that motherly role, and as he said in 7x01, he's a nester. he nests.

though, if you ask me, he's a very bad nester unless it's with buck.

furthermore, why did finding out marisol flunked out of nun school send him into a panic? you could argue that it's strictly catholic guilt, and that may be true, but to me it seemed like the catholic guilt was only the top layer.

eddie's never had a problem with being with a woman pre-maritally. when he was with shannon, he was still fully immersed in his family's catholicsm, so if this was a problem he was going to have, you would think that it would appear then, right? so what's the difference between when he was in el paso with shannon, and now with marisol?

he's had eight years to figure himself out. well, not completely, but he's getting there.

i think eddie has been on the verge of figuring out his feelings for buck, and that's what made him panic and ask marisol to move in. if marisol is living with him, then when buck is over for weekly movie nights or what have you, marisol will be there as a buffer. he doesn't understand why he's feeling the way he is, but with marisol around, the chances of him being alone with buck are fewer, and the chances of having to address the feelings are even less so.

so now, he's unpacking marisol's boxes, and he sees the picture. and freaks out. because here is the very thing he was trying to avoid. and now it's living in his house.

but, why does he only panic when it comes to sleeping with marisol? because it makes him think of the one thing he hasn't allowed himself to. and that's buck.

this fact coupled with buck just starting to question his sexuality is what's going to push eddie over the edge. sure, he's going to be the most supportive best friend he can be, but in the back of his mind he's going to wonder why he gets a sick feeling in his stomach as he watches buck and tommy dance, as he watches them flirt on scene where air ops was called, as he watches them interact at the grant-nash barbecue buck invited him to.

eddie runs. he doesn't face things until it hits him in the face, and even then sometimes he still ignores it. when he does face it, it's going to hit him all at once, and he'll probably panic and probably run to hen and karen's house, and there will be lots of tears. and angst. and i can't wait

tag: @eddiediazismyhusband

[unsaidace]

Do other Buddie shippers understand Ryan was given the opportunity to let Eddie be queer just like Lou? It's interesting how one of those people is canonically queer and another cast member from our ship that wasn't offered originally is now also queer. So they'll attack people who wanted representation, but are defending someone/something they think was wronged in all of this? Lou and Oliver are not the bad guys. Ryan is not the bad guy either. If that's not what he wanted at the moment, then nobody can force him. Even though Tim has stated he doesn't want Eddie/Marisol a thing, he couldn't afford to lose a third actress. Oh well! Things change. Maybe just maybe after 6-7 years realize, the boys can have some actual growth and be happy and in healthy relationships? Eddie is finally understanding of how his traumas intertwines. Buck is expecting himself. And Tommy is being sunshine. If it's meant to happen, it will. People don't own each other. That's a weird mentality to have.

I just think we should be happy that we’ve got the representation right now, since it’s so rare for a TV show to pull the trigger on something like this so many seasons into a show. We’ll get Buddie when everyone is ready. If Ryan isn’t ready for a queer Eddie storyline right now, then we as a fandom need to respect that and allow him time to get to the right headspace for an arc of that magnitude. We also need to respect his decision if, and this is the important bit, he’s never ready for that. We cannot and should not force an actor into a role or arc that makes them uncomfortable while doing their job, that’s how we end up with actors who leave projects and end up resenting them.

I feel like people are just so desperate for Buddie to go canon that (and I know I’ve said this a lot over the past few days but it applies here too) their critical thinking skills are kinda lacking. Personally, as much as I love Buddie, rushing into it would ruin it for me. Where we currently are in the season, Eddie seems happy with Marisol, and Buck is emotionally invested in Tommy. The best thing we as fans can do right now is let the writers know that we’re willing to wait however long it takes. Keep hyping Buddie up, absolutely, but also appreciate what we’ve been given in BuckTommy.

[usercelestial]

airing out my personal grievances with this show and this storyline here both to just get it and clarify why i'm mad before i get any saying that i'm just mad one of my ships sunk

1) buck is never gonna get a long term love interest that makes sense because the two that do make sense, tommy and eddie, are either not queer or cut from the show. the writing is lazy and they have zero direction for this show or its character's plots.

2) eddie isn't going to be gay, maybe im wrong about this but i've held out hope long enough and i just feel tired waiting and analyzing. he said he was straight this episode for the first time and we know tim was talking directly to the audience. plus ryan guzman has been blasting the hetero gun for a while now in interviews.

3) if they wanted buck and tommy to just be casual, they should have built it to be casual. including him 8x01 is unnecessary now if you were just going to get rid of him, having buck look at tommy when he says "our people is what makes life worth living" or whatever he says doesn't make sense if they weren't going to last, and ultimately bringing tommy back at all past season 7 or really past 7x06. they still could have dated but they needed to make it clear that they are not sticking around outside of tommy getting buck basketball tickets and buck not knowing tommy is gay in 8x06, which doesn't hint at a whole lot when interviews made it clear they still getting to know each other at this point. that doesn't strike me as odd in the moment if "they're relationship is deepening" still. even if you do notice it, you should have established it in previous episodes, instead of introducing two scenes before they break up.

4) the reason buck and tommy broke up is biphobic. im not going to rehash that but yes, telling a bisexual man that he shouldn't fall in love with the first guy he dates because he hasn't "explored other options" is biphobic.

side note: if the issue is that buck still doesn't feel comfortable with his bisexuality, then i think they missed a few chances to have buck make that clear, namely having him react or correct maddie at all when she called him gay. the only scene i can think of where it seems like buck may not feel comfortable if the scene where a girl flirts with buck and tommy tells him it's okay to look but i don't think the point of that scene is communicated effectively if it was supposed to be buck dealing being on a date with a guy but also knowing he's still attracted to women and maybe still not understanding himself fully

5) this fandom is toxic and horrible, b/ddie is the only thing that anyone is allowed to like and every other relationship just exists to bolster and uphold it. im tired of being in a fandom doesn't care about lesbians (which ive run into with a few bucktommys but still) and it feels like no matter how much the actors/actresses get harassed and bullied, no one stands up for them because i dont think tim minear or really even oliver stark wants to double down on telling toxic fans to fuck off

that's mostly it i think. if they didn't want people getting attached, then they shouldn't have included bucktommy scenes where they were unnecessary. most of episode 5 feels like we're building buck and tommy's relationship up so much. i would have been way more okay with this break up if (1) they didn't make it seem like buck was falling in love tommy and vice versa ie. all of episode 5 and buck's conclusion in episode 6 where he decides that he could see a future with tommy and (2) the reason for the break up didn't feel so insidious.

[lemotmo]

So it seems everyone thought it was awkward. And interesting observations.

Q. I have random questions but after I re-watched the episode I was just confused. The lack of any kind of physical contact at all between Buck and Tommy, and full disclosure I have liked them together so far, was noticeable and weird. If the show thought no one would notice they were wrong. Lots of chatter about it, and from both fan groups. I think they could kind of get away with it in an episode where Buck had something you could say Tommy didn't know wasn't contagious but they won't be able to get away with it anymore. If we're actually to the point where they can't write them as even kind of coupley then what are we even doing here? And I don't understand why they needed to stop all the BTS stuff when they started filming this episode there was nothing big in that episode. And the preview using something cut from season 7 was just insane. What are they doing? And the Buddie stuff I can't make heads or tales of.

A. Lol this was a lot of random thoughts but they were questions lots of other people seemed to have as well, anon so I get it. I think lots of us required a rewatch to really kind of appreciate the episode more. First things first though the writer for that episode is not one of their stronger writers, in my opinion. Taylor's writing tends to be random at times. She is after all the same writer who had Buck tell Eddie Diaz 'she really sees me'. So I don't put a lot of stock into her work, but I do think this episode had some genuinely nice stuff, especially for Buck. Should it have been as hyped up as it was, probably not, but I get why Oliver enjoyed it so I have no problem with him being excited about it. The lack of any kind of physical contact between Buck and Tommy was glaringly obvious and very awkward. I know there are lots of theories as to why they were written that way and we'll probably never know the real reason, but they definitely can't work as a couple if they're going to be written like that going forward. But I don't think the plan is to keep them as a couple so I don't think it's going to be an issue much longer. I do think the working relationship between Oliver and Lou is stilted at best though, and it is noticeable in their scenes. They don't have chemistry and no amount of screaming in people's ask boxes is going to change that. I have said since last season that Ryan and Lou have the better chemistry. It's not spectacular chemistry, but it's certainly better than Oliver and Lou. I genuinely don't believe he will be around for more than a few more episodes though so I don't foresee them putting much effort into trying to force anything at this point either. And people also need to remember that Lou himself said in an interview that he told Tim he wasn't interested in doing any heavy kissing or intimate scenes so I also think they're writing his scenes at his intimacy comfort level. But again he's short term so they're not going to try too hard to force anything.

ABC is the one who cut the BTS stuff because something for one of their other shows got spoiled. The show has been very closed off regarding future episodes though, you are correct there. But it had nothing to do with the episode we just saw. They were filming things for episode 6 while they were filming episodes 4 and 5 though and that's the reason for the secrecy. I don't know why they needed to film episode 6 so out of order and so all over the place, but for whatever reason the show believed they needed to, so I guess we will see. There are only two justifiable reasons for using the cut call from season 7 in the preview. It was either because they believed the real scenes and stills were more spoilery than they were comfortable with or the call is actually being used as a flashback. There is still a really big part of me that believes the Eddie storyline was supposed to start last season prior to the renewal, and Tim deciding to slow things down. They cut lots and lots of scenes last season and it's possible the call with the divorced dad was the cut call from last season, and they need whatever they filmed during that scene to provide context for another scene. Tim definitely over inflates his own hype from time to time but I don't think even he would believe he could get away with passing off a scene that is more than a year old as new content. Buck looks entirely different and Eddie doesn't have his mustache so it would be ridiculous to try that, and just expect the audience to pretend they don't notice. So I believe it's a flashback or they didn't want to show anything from the episode but the well. Those are really the only two options.

I genuinely don't understand why anyone would believe the Buddie stuff would or should happen in one episode. Buddie won't officially start until Eddie has his moment. There is nothing wrong with the way the show is pacing things so far. Eddie isn't out and Buck is technically dating someone. Everyone screaming about how it's been 6 years and that's long enough are intentionally ignoring the fact that it hasn't been 6 years of waiting as far as Buck and Eddie themselves are concerned. They aren't aware yet. The pacing is fine. I know that people have wanted this since season 2 but Buck and Eddie haven't, and while the story is of course for the audience the pacing needs to be fair to the characters and the storyline. Let them tell the story. I'm hoping once Tommy is gone people will calm down, and will stop demanding Buddie kiss and declare their love in the span of one episode. No one should want it rushed. Let them build up to it. Let them each come to their own realization and then build up to the relationship. That is by far the more satisfying way to go. Let the story build.

Thank you Nonny! As always!

This was a very interesting post with lots of topics I talked about as well the last couple of days.

The last one is so crucial though. Give the Buddie storyline time to breathe you guys! I know that it has been years for us, but for the characters there'll be a lot of new emotions coming up or even older emotions that will resurface. All of this cannot be resolved in one single episode. This is the kind of story that needs to percolate to be brought to perfection. It can't be rushed.

Now I'm not saying they should draw it out for seasons, because we all know how easy it is for shows to get cancelled these days. But let them use the entirety of season 8 to show us the story we've been longing to see for so long.

It'll be sooooo incredibly satisfying to watch these two men finally get it right. I want to savour every single morsel of that storyline. It will be so rewarding to see it unfold, knowing that we were right for all those years.

Let's give the show the time to do this story justice.

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[hartly-being]

Thoughts on Eddie Diaz at the moment

Was reblogging a cool long post and decided I make my own one to add some stuff I've been spinning around in my head like a plate in a microwave.

With Eddie being gay it shouldn't be about throwing in another queer storyline for good rep and attention. Well, no shit, we know that, but let me eleborate a little. It's not really about starting something new, unlocking a different world he's been ignoring and realising he loves men. It's about him understanding why his relationships with women were like that, why he couldn't find stable happiness in life up to this point no matter how hard he tried and how much discomfort it put him through.

I personally don't even want to see him date or go out with men. Hell, he might never even get together with Buck, not romantically nor sexually. But what matters to me is him rediscovering himself and healing from the trauma and the repression he's been under all these years. And him being gay isn't a great resolution to this because yay another queer firefighter character, how cool is that? but because it makes sense. There is something. Something hidden, something shoved away deep deep down. And we know for a fact that that something is constantly pulling him away from the relationships where he's searching for the sacred comfort, reliability and love. From his relationships with women. This man pushes himself so far for so long sometimes his girlfriends and Christopher have time to start feeling like a family, and when the discussion comes to making it more long-term and maybe even official, he panics (quite literally) and backs away so hard he bumps and smashes into everything on his way and either ends up at the cardiologist's or fucks it up so bad Christopher flees the fucking state of California.

Also, a bit off the track of thoughts here, Eddie needs to see what he has already found too. That, of course, includes Buck. And I ain't pushing any buddie agenda here. I can see it as platonic, or queerplatonic, if you like. The point stands, he has a close person who maybe wasn't always there, but wants to be. Someone Eddie can rely on (and feel comfortable with when he's walking around in his undies), and someone who can rely on him (and appear late at night on his doorstep sporting a cold, drained of any emotions whatsoever look on his face after one of the most painful and sudden break-ups of his life, no matter what my personal thoughts on that thing are). I want more of that shit one way or another. Kchm.

So yeah, Eddie Diaz being gay wouldn't be just a random addition to his character and the show. It wouldn't be the "last piece of a puzzle that made it all finally click together so we can see the big picture" either. What it would be is the explanation to why something that initially looked like a regular picture to hang on the wall turned out to be a fucking puzzle in the first place.

And I'm not, by any means, referring to Eddie's story as a "puzzle" as an insult. I love his story. I'm not even sure it's a right metaphor here. But I think it's how he might have felt at some point recently. I don't mean felt like he's a puzzle, (Never call people a puzzle as if they need to be solved btw, it can be harmful af), but that things could have been and still can be easier. That it's not his fault, and that there may be a reason. After all the years, he can see the reason and work with it, not push himself down for nothing.

The frustration upon realising that there might have been a pattern throughout your whole life, and that you might've been playing a part in making yourself feel lower by punishing and denying yourself something good, is a heavy feeling. And Eddie has sort of come out of the darkness of that Narnia. Now let's see if the closet is still standing.

I'm tired. I don't know if I make sense here. If you made it this far... well, thank you. Enjoy your day, or night. Don't get in any unnecessary fights within the fandom, and ffs don't send death threats and wishes to any fucking people what's up with that guys? Going parasocial with actors again? Really?

[lover-of-mine]

Regarding the anon that had the quote about Eddie “barely having time for his kid”

A. Do they think single parents aren’t allowed to have free time or fun ever and if they ever have someone babysit so they can have fun they’re terrible parents??

B. What evidence do they have for him “barely having time for his kid”? Just because Gavin wasn’t in this season much does not mean Eddie didn’t spend any time with him. It just means they didn’t have many onscreen storylines involving him (which is understandable in a shortened season)

C. Everything else you said in your response about free time when Chris is at school, about Eddie having a support system and a community

People who genuinely believe that quote are exactly like Eddie’s parents. Acting like Eddie should be doing it all himself or else he’s failing. I’m sure they like his parents taking Chris because they don’t like the idea or actually helping and supporting Eddie.

The other funny thing is (and I’ll admit I’m making an assumption here that the person that said that about Eddie is a Tommy fan because those typically are the ones to hate on Eddie) they will operate on this “if I didn’t see it on screen then it doesn’t exist” mentality for Eddie’s quality time with his son but yet they will bend over backwards to make assumptions about Tommy and his character based on no evidence on screen.

We're literally fighting to get Eddie out of the mentality that taking care of himself doesn't make him a bad parent and that he's actually doing a really good job despite the world being against him since he was introduced. Do you know how good of a parent someone has to be so that their kid will feel comfortable enough having A FIRST DATE AT THEIR HOUSE? My parents still don't know when I had my first kiss and that happened 14 years ago, they only found out about my first boyfriend because they caught me with him. Except for 705 where Chris was shipped off to plot convenience land, everything else, Chris is somehow involved? We saw the date and the great parenting moment from Eddie in 701, 702 and 703 happens in the same shift, so Eddie would have been working anyway, 704, sure, we have Eddie hanging out with Tommy a lot but Buck's pov is the least reliable thing ever, and considering Chris met Tommy, it's not like Eddie was abandoning him, 705 has some issues but, again, plot convenience land, 706, Chris was at the wedding with Eddie and Abuela, and we know she now lives in Texas so she was probably very happy to get some time with Chris, 707 we literally see them out for ice cream, 709 Chris is at the station and Eddie mentions Chris is in his room later. Chris is a teenager. He's not a baby who needs around the clock care. He has school, and friends, and family, and there was a whole plot last season about Chris wanting more independence. It's not like Eddie is leaving a toddler with strangers to go do shit. And Eddie should be allowed to have a life outside being a parent. And Eddie needs a network of support because that man works shifts and sometimes will spend 24 hours at the station. We have multiple episodes with montages of Eddie and Chris' morning routine, we see them watching television together, we see Chris sitting in the kitchen while Eddie cooks, we see Eddie helping Chris with projects, Eddie doing a literal presentation at Chris' school. That man bends over backwards to make sure Chris is as well taken care of. They're not even pretending to watch the show at this point. Are we really crucifying him for playing basketball while his kid is at school? For having a few nights out with some friends? Are we fucking for real?

[eddiegettingshot]

you know when i was watching 7x04 i was wondering why the little argument marisol and eddie had about whose things they were keeping was throwing me off sm. just saw a gifset comparing that to bucktaylor having basically the same exact exchange 😐 god if this had stayed buck's storyline it would not only make at least some sense but at least be a step toward getting off the hamster wheel bc he would have slowed shit down at the end. as opposed to butchering eddie and having buck remain completely oblivious to the fact that he is sprinting on the hamster wheel once again. anyway i hate it here.

YOU'RE IN MY MIND. i keep having this exact same thought every time i see these posts. because i'm looking at it and i'm like, i don't think this is a parallel, i still think this is just... bad writing and the fact that shit got jumbled around behind the scenes.

it was supposed to be buck falling into the same pattern with natalia that he did with taylor, realizing that, and making the choice to dial it back for once so he could grow in the way he's been needing to for years. buck finally understanding how to make a choice that's good and healthy for him instead of just chasing the impulsive desire to be loved rooted in his parental trauma, so that he could FINALLY get off that hamster wheel and stop approaching love and intimacy as something he needs to claw his way into keeping.

and it was supposed to be eddie figuring out what he wants and letting himself have it after spending his entire life allowing his family, the church, and the military dictate what he should want; he was supposed to finally tackle his shannon wounds with someone willing to meet him where he's at, someone who's a mirror of him and who probably relates to him in every way most people couldn't.

like. if i think about it too long i will go fucking insane. because instead we have whatever the last couple of episodes were. and nothing has changed. actually everything is worse. AGGGGHHH