#I miss the intimacy a friendship can’t give me

[throwmethroughawindow]

im just going to ramble bc i need to but I don’t wanna talk to my friends about it rn

If u read it, thank you for listening to me vent about me and my ex :-( my heart is still a little fragile over it

[niningtori]

make you cry | part one

part two: beomgyu's ending | part three: hyuka's ending

pairing: beomgyu x you, huening kai x you in alternate ending

summary: beomgyu is your manwhore best friend who you've been secretly in love with for years. one night, he asks you to blur the lines between friendship and physical intimacy for his own convenience.

genre: ANGST, romance, smut (mdni), fwb

warnings: smut (mdni), unprotected sex, creampie, dom!gyu, eventual sub!gyu, fingering (vaginal), dacryphilia, dirty talk, praise, if i missed anything lmk!

word count: 4.2k

notes: hi friends! i'm not completely satisfied with this, but i'd rather it be done than sitting in my drafts. pls don't be mean ;_;

being in love with your best friend is not for the faint of heart, you think. in some cases, it’s the easiest thing in the world, but beomgyu makes it difficult. he’s not a bad guy, at least not deep down, but as you watch him break the heart of another notch in his belt, you can’t help but shiver at the fact that he’d very easily do the same to you if you gave him that chance. not that you ever will, that is, but the thought still remains.

you met in grade school. for you, it was a classic case of love at first sight. you had just fallen off the swingset and the teacher had yet to notice you, so you were crying alone when he came up to you with a dinosaur bandaid in tow. he looked like an angel with the sun encircling him, and even as a child, you thought he was the most beautiful thing you’d ever seen as he held his little hand out for you to grasp. you had no chance to steel your heart when he asked you if you wanted to be friends, and after that, the rest is history. 

that was years ago, but the image of him holding out his hand is engraved in your bones. you think about it even now as you watch him make the poor, unfortunate girl in front of you bawl like a baby. she asks him why he's doing this, what she did wrong, how she can fix it to make him stay. but he's dead set on breaking her heart tonight. and you'll be the one who takes his tipsy ass home after he's done ruining this girl’s perception of love. you’re nothing more than a glorified lackey and enabler, but that's just how it is.

“god, i don’t know why they can never just let go. they always have to make it so hard,” he grumbles in the passenger’s seat of your car. he seems more annoyed than genuinely upset and you can’t help but to feel for the girl who he just unceremoniously dumped in the middle of a house party, so you speak up for once.

“it’s not her fault, beoms. she just really likes you,” you reason. not that it matters, anyway, but you feel better after speaking your mind.

“so it’s my fault? i just don’t get it. i told her no strings attached from the beginning. the fact that she took it seriously is her own problem.” well, nevermind about feeling better. you feel even worse for her now.

“it’s hard not to get attached to you,” you mumble.

“what?” he asks, not even really paying attention to what you’re saying, but still asking for the sake of being (what he thinks is) polite.

“no, it’s nothing,” you reply quickly.

“mmm,” he nods, completely preoccupied with his own issues to really give a fuck about what you have to say. then, as if by a stroke of genius, he says his next words without much thought.

“i just thought of something! you would never act like that with me, would you?” you can’t help but scowl. of course you’d act like that. you’re a normal human being with normal feelings. you’ve already fallen for beomgyu without the physical intimacy, so you can’t imagine how you’d act if you actually had sex with him. but you can’t tell him that, or else he’d start suspecting something.

“i guess not,” you sigh. 

“then why don’t we hook up instead?” he asks, genuinely earnest. 

“no,” you say simply.

“why not?” he frowns, somewhat offended.

“i’m not interested,” you shrug. you don’t realize that your indifference has the opposite effect on beomgyu. what he perceives as your disgust only interests him more.

“c’mon, i’d definitely show you a good time,” he argues.

“i’m fine, thanks.” 

“no, you’re not fine. you haven’t slept with anybody in months. not since what’s-his-name, right? it’s the perfect deal. i’ll give you the time of your life and i’ll get to fuck without any feelings involved.” you try your hardest not to say it’s too late for that. those words will never leave your mouth, though. or else he’d drop you like a hot potato.

“i said no and i mean no. besides, i kind of like somebody right now.” you’re not lying, really. you truly do like, even love, somebody right now, and he’s sitting right next to you.

“who is he?” he asks. “actually, your taste in men is so shit, i don't even wanna know.” usually, that would hurt your feelings, but this whole situation is so fucked up you can’t even find it in you to stifle your laugh. 

“true.” he cocks an eyebrow at your answer. you should, in theory, vehemently deny this. just how shitty is this guy for you to not even put up a fight? 

“okay, i lied. now i really wanna know. who is he? yeonjun?” he asks. you giggle even more.

“no. yeonjun is sweet, but no. and i’m not telling you, so you should give up.” 

“you think yeonjun is sweet in comparison? damn, this guy must be fucking scum,” he laughs. you can’t help but shake your head with an airy laugh of your own. yeah, he’s so awful he even makes yeonjun look sweet. at least it seems like yeonjun has a conscience when he fucks somebody over. beomgyu, for the most part, has none.

“he’s not all bad,” you say softly, still smiling and resting your head on the headrest of your car. 

“but still bad,” he argues. 

“mhmm,” you hum. “still bad.”

-

beomgyu doesn’t mention hooking up again after that, and for that you are thankful, you think. is there a part of you that regrets not saying yes? in a way, you do. who wouldn’t want to be even closer to the one they love? but you know the closeness would be a lie. even if you were in closer proximity physically, he’d still be far away emotionally. too far to ever catch him. and so you sit at the counter of this shitty bar and watch him try to woo one of the prettiest girls you’ve ever seen, and by the looks of it, it’s working. you smile bitterly and down another shot, making your stomach feel hotter and hotter. you know that by the end of the night, you’ll feel sick, but you’d rather be physically sick and drunk rather than emotionally sick and sober. 

“you okay?” kai asks, sliding into the seat next to yours and cutting into your daze with ease. 

“aren’t i always?” you answer with a wry smile.

“it’s that bad, huh?” he asks. beomgyu is your best friend, sure, but kai is the only person in the world who knows about your feelings for him. he also feels like the only person in the world who would understand them. 

“yeah, it is,” you mumble, downing yet another drink as you watch beomgyu grinding on the girl salaciously. 

“wanna get out of here?” he asks sympathetically. you should say no. beomgyu will be angry that you left  him, even if he’d ditch you in a heartbeat to get laid. but now, as you watch him shoving his tongue in the red-lipped mouth of the girl who will now be the impossible standard you’ll hold yourself to from hereon out, you can’t bring yourself to care.

“i do,” you smile, for real this time, and his grin matches yours.

you’re so drunk, you barely remember how you got home, but you’re here and so is hyuka. you don’t cry, even if he kind of wishes you would just so you could let it all out. you laugh, even, as he tells his dorky jokes and beats your ass in mario kart. things are going so well, you don’t even hear the pounding on your door until kai says something about it.

“i’ll get it,” he says soothingly when you unsteadily try to stand up.

“thanks, hyuka,” you smile. and that smile stays planted on your face until you see who’s at the door. beomgyu. and by the looks of it, he’s pissed.

“what the fuck is your problem?! how could you just leave me there alone?” he asks as soon as he’s let in. your face sinks and all prior happiness is washed away in an instant.

“you weren’t alone,” kai cuts in defensively. “she was alone until i came and got her.” beomgyu is actually a little embarrassed by this blatant callout, but he’d sooner die than admit it.

“well, she should’ve said something, at least,” he counters, face still hot and voice still as loud as ever.

“i thought you were going home with that girl,” you reply meekly. 

“and you couldn’t just ask?!” he snaps. 

“you’re being an asshole,” kai argues. “nobody wants to watch you tonguing down some random girl, and she’s not your babysitter.” the room is deathly quiet after this. beomgyu is fishing for words, but he’s too drunk to quite think of any at the moment. he wishes he were sober so he could put kai in his place, but the words never come. all he knows is he’s pissed beyond anything he can properly articulate and it’s driving him crazy. 

“you’re drunk,” kai adds sternly. “go home.” 

“hyuka, it's okay,” you say gently. “he's too drunk for that. he can crash on the couch.” beomgyu doesn't know why, but he scowls at the nickname.

“but —”

“it's okay,” you repeat. kai’s face looks torn. 

“alright, then i'll head out,” he relents after a few seconds. “the both of you just need some sleep,” he says with a sharp glance towards beomgyu, who is still fuming, by the way.

“thank you,” you say with a terse smile. he returns it with a smile of his own and shuts the door behind him. beomgyu watches the entire interaction and somehow feels even worse.

“what the fuck was that? is he the guy you’re hung up on or something?” 

“no!” you exclaim incredulously. “hyuka is a nice guy, and he’s just… helping me with some things right now.” you’re not the most eloquent person on a good day, much less while drunk, so that’s all you can really say at the moment.

“what ‘things’ could he possibly be helping you with?” he snaps before realization dawns on him. “you told him about that guy, didn’t you?! you can tell him but you can’t tell me?” 

“he… he just understands,” you say. you knew beomgyu wouldn’t just let this shit go and be done with it. he’s like a child finding out his dog likes somebody better than he likes him, and it’s exhausting.

“are you sleeping with him?” 

“what, no!”  you say firmly. 

“you are, aren’t you?” he sneers. “you won’t let me touch you, but you’re letting him?” 

“is it so hard to believe that a man just wants to be my friend without wanting to fuck me?” truthfully, yes. you’re good looking and his experience tells him that men always harbor those intentions. well, he does, at least. and for some reason, as he looks at you in your big t-shirt and sweatpants, those intentions are brewing even more. 

“beomgyu?” you ask tentatively. his eyes are so intense it seems like he’s even more pissed off,  somehow. your innocent look stokes the flames of what’s already been burning for you.

as if he’s possessed, he stalks his way over to you, grabs your face before you can even react, and plants a bruising kiss on your soft lips. you gasp when he meanly takes your bottom lip between his teeth and he can’t help but chuckle. the kiss is cruel for so many reasons, but you’d be lying if you said it didn’t knock you off of your feet. you’re usually so restrained around him for reasons only you and kai know, but you feel your inhibitions melt as his tongue enters your mouth. he tastes like alcohol, but then, so do you, and he doesn’t seem to mind. in fact, if his hungry kiss in any indication, he seems to love it. 

one of his hands travel under your big hoodie and he tweaks your already hardened nipple between his fingers. 

“does that feel good, baby?” he asks lowly, and you feel yourself becoming even more wet. you're too embarrassed to respond, but judging from his tone, he already knows your answer. 

his kisses are unrelenting and fierce, no gentleness or care to be seen, but you’re so sweet he can’t control himself. he’s been wanting to do this ever since he hit puberty, but you’ve never seemed interested in him for reasons he can’t understand. but now, you seem more than interested as you let him lead you to your bedroom. he lays you down on your bed and takes off your sweatpants. when he sees you, naked and glistening just from a few touches, he licks his lips in anticipation.

“all this from a few kisses?” he teases, rubbing his fingers up and down your slit. you can do nothing but gasp in response as he pushes one of his long, calloused fingers into your heat.

“s-so tight, it’s sucking me in,” he moans. “i can’t wait to see how you feel around my cock.” he adds a second finger and curls, hitting your sweet spot. all you can do is moan as he takes his thumb and rolls your clit. he watches your body rise and fall with the pleasure and it fascinates him like nothing he’s ever seen. your eyes are screwed shut, but he can’t help but prod and tease to see the different facial expressions you show him. before long, he’s pounding into you. the sound of squelches mixed with your moans only goads him further and further until you’re clenching down mercilessly on his fingers.

“aww, does that feel good, baby?” he coos. “wanna feel even better?” post-release clarity should hit you right about now, but you’re only more eager when he removes his clothes. his lengthy cock, angry and reddened, springs up and slaps his stomach. you whimper at the sight and he smirks at how needy you are.

he hovers over you and slowly, agonizingly slowly, he begins to rub his stiffened length up and down your slit. 

“gyu, you need a condom —” you begin to protest.

“why? i’m clean. and i don’t fuck just anyone raw,” he argues as the head of his cock comes dangerously close to hooking on your entrance. you’ve never been able to say no to him for any meaningful amount of time, so relenting isn’t out of the ordinary for you. but more than that, his words, though unromantic, spark a bit of hope in your heart. you’re special, you think. 

“do you trust me?” he asks. 

no. not at all.

“of course.” and he pushes in. his arrogance falters as you take him in, inch by throbbing inch. it’s a tight fit, and the way you clench around the tip of his cock only drives him further and further into madness. how can you feel so good? how can this feel so perfect? 

your poor pussy is equal parts trying to suck him in and trying to resist so the intrusion is forced out. to him, it feels like heaven. 

“t-tight!” he hisses. “relax, baby, or you’re gonna break me.” for some reason, his words comfort you, allowing him smooth entry until he’s completely sheathed in you. you both moan when he completely bottoms out, balls hitting your ass in the most lewd way. his precum mixed with the result of your release seep into the bedsheets. he stays there for just a moment, pushing your hair out of your face, and his next words are uncommonly tender.

“you look so pretty like this,” he muses, and you don’t even have time to blush before he’s unsteadily pulling out, pussy pulling him back in like it never wants him to leave, then thrusting back in again. 

“oh m-my god,” he says as he begins to ram into you. “so good, baby. you’re taking me so well.” 

“b-big!” is all you can manage to say as he continues to fuck you open.

“oh baby, are you going dumb on my cock? can’t even manage to get the words out, can you? it’s okay, don’t think. i’ll take care. of. you,” he says, punctuating each word with his mean thrusts. 

you’re crying now, the pleasure too great to stifle your tears. beomgyu thinks you look absolutely lovely like this, lovelier than anyone he’s ever seen, especially when he looks at where you two are joined and watches himself enter and exit your puffy pussy. each gasp, each breathy whine you emit makes him feel crazier and crazier. he aches so much, he has no choice but to continue pounding into you until he's relieved. so he does. he’s gripping the plush of your thighs like he might die if he doesn’t have something to hold onto. 

he leans over to give you a nasty kiss, all tongue and teeth. when he parts from you, a lewd string of saliva falls from your mouths and he can’t control the chuckle that escapes him when he sees your pupils are blown out as you flounder for his lips again. 

“look, baby. look at how good i’m fucking you.” you look down and see how his cock protrudes from your tummy as he rams in and out of you. “nobody else has fucked you right, but don’t worry, i’ll make sure to fix that.” your pussy involuntarily clenches at his filthy words and it’s enough to make you come.

“c-coming!” you manage to choke out as you spasm around him, back arching deliciously. he follows soon after, thrusts becoming uneven before you feel his cum shooting inside of you.

-

fucking beomgyu comes naturally, and often. he can’t seem to keep his hands off of you. hooking up becomes almost a daily affair, but you’re so hungry for him you can’t bring yourself to protest. you fuck in his car, on his couch, over the fucking kitchen counter, even. all plans to go out with anyone else are immediately dashed in favor of being with him, instead. you feel yourself falling deeper and deeper in love with him, and even if you know, know, know it’s fruitless, you can’t help but relent when he looks at you like a man starved. 

“this can’t be good for you,” kai tells you one evening in the comfort of your apartment. it’s a rare occurrence to have a free night from beomgyu’s clutches. kai hasn’t seen you in weeks because you’ve been too “busy” with beomgyu. 

“well, i know,” you sigh, too tired to argue with him. 

“if you know, then why do you do it?” he asks tentatively. you can’t help but give him a look. 

“you know why,” you say. 

“he's just messing with your head. you know this can't end well.” you flinch at the word “end”. you know it, he knows it, beomgyu surely fucking knows it, but you can’t help but give in every time. “what are you gonna do when he inevitably fucks you over? and he will, just like always.”

“i… i’ll deal with it when the time comes,” you protest. he sees your defeated expression and lightly tilts your head so it’s resting on his shoulder. your retribution for your actions was always well on its way, but you didn’t know it would come so soon. 

you hear a key turning in the door. there’s only one person in the world you’ve given a spare to, so you aren’t surprised in the slightest when beomgyu walks in with that signature smirk on his face. he scowls a bit when he’s greeted with the scene of you and kai sitting so intimately.

“am i interrupting something?” he scoffs as you raise your head from kai’s shoulder.

“no,” kai replies before you can even fix your lips to respond. to your mild surprise, he doesn't push any further.

“whatever,” he shrugs, plopping down next to the two of you and pulling out his phone.

“wanna see this girl whose number i got today?” he asks casually, swiping through his phone eagerly. so that's why he didn't wanna meet up. your heart feels like a hole’s been blown straight through it. you and kai share a deep look, which beomgyu completely misses as he pulls up a picture of a beautiful looking girl. 

“this is her,” he says with a triumphant smirk. you don’t — can’t — respond. you just have a blank look on your face.

“what?” he asks petulantly. “she’s really pretty, look!” he insists, pulling up another picture. “she’s one of the hottest girls i’ve seen in a minute.”

any last shred of hope or dignity you have is strangled in its crib at his careless words. your eyes are hot and your stomach hurts so much you feel like you’re going to vomit. kai notices your discomfort and decides to put a stop to this once and for all.

“alright, that’s enough,” kai snaps. “nobody wants to see that shit.”

“what’s your fucking problem?” beomgyu retorts.

“my problem is that you’re a fucking moron. grow up.” beomgyu’s not one to get physical, at least not in a violent sense, but he’s on the precipice of breaking that streak at kai’s harsh words.

“stop, hyuka. it’s okay,” you say softly. beomgyu is so furious, he almost forgot you’re here, but he's genuinely confused by kai’s words.

“what's okay? what is it that you're not telling me?” beomgyu asks. 

“it's not okay, actually. he’s fucking you but he comes around and pulls this shit right in front of you?! she won’t say it, but i will.” 

“kai, don’t —” 

“she doesn’t care! no strings attached, that’s always been the deal.”

“you may be stupid as fuck, but surely you’re not that stupid,” kai sneers. “so if you say you don’t already know, you’re just a fucking liar.” beomgyu pauses at this. is he saying what he thinks he’s saying? surely you didn’t catch feelings, right? but one look at your face, and he knows kai is telling the truth. 

but why? and when?

“since when did you…”

“since always,” you say quietly. 

“oh, fuck. look, i —”

“it’s okay. i already know,” you cut in. and you do already know, but you can’t bear to hear him say it. beomgyu, in all his glory, processes this and instead of regret, all he feels is anger.

“i’m the piece of shit guy you can’t get over? are you fucking serious?”

“hyuka, you should go,” you say instead of letting him watch the melodrama unfolding before him. kai looks uncertainly between the both of you before relenting. 

“call me later, okay?” he says, wiping tears from your eyes that you didn’t realize had fallen.

“okay,” you reply with a sad smile. he sends beomgyu one last scathing look before gathering his shit and slamming the door behind him. 

“you tricked me!” beomgyu exclaims as soon as the door shuts. “i would’ve never fucked you if i knew you’d be like this.” just like everyone else. he doesn’t need to voice the last part, but you already know he wants to say it, which just hurts you even more.

“did you really not know, or were you just pretending not to know ‘cause it’d be inconvenient for you?” that shuts him up. kai was right, he’d be stupid not to know. maybe not at first, but surely along the way. surely when you’d look at him so longingly after sleeping with him, or the way you’d look so sad when he didn't stay after sex.

“listen, i’m so sorry that you’re scared, or angry, or whatever it is you’re feeling. i really am. but are you so selfish that you really think nobody else is afraid to have their heart broken? and do you think that means you’re allowed to hurt everyone else instead?” you ask quietly. every new word pierces his heart like nothing he's ever felt before. he wants to say something, but for the life of him, he can’t think of anything quite fitting. 

“i think you should leave,” you say after what feels like an eternity of silence. he looks at you with watery eyes and you almost feel guilty, but you’re through with feeling things for him that he’d never have the courtesy to feel for you. “go,” you repeat defeatedly, striding to the door and holding it open for him and he feels more and more like a rat you want to chase out of your home.

he looks like he wants to say something, but one look at you tells him you’re done listening. with heavy feet and an even heavier heart, he heads through the doorway, pausing only before he’s about to cross the threshold. he has a sinking feeling in his gut that tells him this is probably the last time he’ll be here. 

“are we still friends after this?” he asks lowly, eyes wide and more desperate than you’ve ever seen them. 

“no,” you say simply, and shut the door.

notes: not a ton of smut in this part, but i think the next part will have more i fear.

taglist: @my313 @superbbananananana @lonelybutterflytae @cherrycolaberry @everythingvirgoes @beomnoullitheorem @sunny4cast

[andvys]

I knew you'd linger like a tattoo kiss | part 25

Warnings: angst, mentions of heartbreak, mentions of unrequited love. love triangle. not proofread

Pairings: Steve Harrington x fem!reader | Eddie Munson x fem!reader

Summary: As the summer is starting to come to an end, you begin to understand your feelings a little more. While Steve and Eddie struggle with their own.

Word count: 4.8k

A/N: So, I know I said that this would be the birthday chapter but I decided to split it! Do the angst first and give you the fluff later. I'd need much more time to finish it and I really wanted to give you guys something, so here ya go, enjoy it. Next chapter is gonna be silly, it’s gonna be fun (after a little angst in the beginning hehe)

Also for those who forgot who Dmitri is, it’s ‘Enzo’ from season 4.

oh and also, listen to this one while you read this chapter :')

series masterlist

-

The strong smell of oil lingers in the air, loud noises fill the large hall, laughter and chatter from the break room, the music from the radio at the front desk, yet none of the sounds manage to distract Eddie from the storm that is taking place in his mind. 

Your words keep repeating themselves over and over again. 

I wish I met you first, Eddie. 

That night, he laid next to you and watched you sleep, thinking about your words, over and over again. He could not make sense of them. 

What does it mean? 

He could not even ask you what it meant, after you had said it, he was too shocked to even say anything, at that moment. He could only stare at you, his heart racing, his eyes wide as he watched you stare at his lips. His first instinct was to swoon over these few simple words, over the way you had looked at him, over the way you had showed up at his place because you missed him, over the way you rather wanted to be with him than at a party or somewhere else. 

I wish I met you first, Eddie. 

Does that mean that you would’ve been with him if you met him first? 

Does that mean that he would’ve been the one for you? 

Does that mean that you could’ve fallen for him instead? 

That he could’ve had a chance?

In some way, you must feel something for him. It’s something that he never fully allowed himself to question, if you have feelings for him or not, he can’t get his hopes up, not when it comes to you. You are too perfect, too out of reach. You love Steve, you still love Steve, he knows it. Yet, your words made him question everything. Your friendship, the intimacy, the lingering touches, the stolen glances, your affection. But, that is all something that has been there from the start. It has always been so natural for you to be so close with him. It’s not something new, it might not even be anything special to you. Eddie might not be anything special to you, not the way Steve is, at least. 

He could’ve been the one for you if it wasn’t for Steve. 

He could’ve been. 

You could’ve loved him. You could’ve. 

“What’s with that long face?” Dmitri asks, his voice thick with the russian accent that everyone keeps teasing him for. With a slap on Eddie’s shoulder, he snaps him out of his thoughts, “pass me the screwdriver, boy.”

Eddie nods, not answering the question. He reaches for the tool, he hands it to the older man. Dmitri looks curious as he eyes the expression on his face but Eddie knows that he won’t ask. He’ll wait for him to speak up himself. But, that is something that Eddie usually never does. He’s never one to talk about his feelings, to ask for help or even advice, until now. 

“Can I ask you something?” 

“Sure,” Dmitri mumbles, pulling away from the chevy, he flips the tool in his hand, leaning against the truck.

As Eddie thinks about the question that has been lingering in his mind, all weekend, he suddenly feels stupid. No answer will be one that he wants to hear. 

“Forget it,” Eddie mumbles.

Dmitri raises his brows. 

“Spit it out, come on.”

Eddie sighs, pinching the bridge of his nose. He hates this. He hates talking about his feelings, but he needs to. 

“There’s uh, there’s this girl.” 

“Ah, I knew it,” he chuckles. “It’s always about some girl when someone mops around all day and looks like this.”

Eddie rolls his eyes. 

“She’s not some girl, she’s my best friend.”

“And you have feelings for her,” he says, stating the obvious. 

Eddie licks his lips, he had never admitted it to anyone before, he had only admitted it to himself. He looks at him and nods weakly, afraid to say these words out loud. 

“Yeah, but uh, she’s still in love with her ex boyfriend, who she’s friends with again,” he rolls his eyes. “Last Friday, she came to me, drunk and high and telling me how much she missed me and then she said something that’s been messing with my mind all fucking weekend!” 

Eddie isn’t sure why he is telling him all that. Dmitri is friends with Wayne, a colleague and not even someone he’d consider a friend. But, maybe that’s what he needs, to talk to someone who is not a friend. 

He considered talking to Robin but, knowing her, she’d only pick Steve’s side again and tell Eddie to take a step back. 

Then, there is Gareth, who would only tease him about his crush on you and not be of any help. 

Jeff would only give him false hope and encourage him to make a move on you, that is something that could potentially ruin your friendship, and that is something that is way too important to him. Chrissy would do just the same. The girl who had been snappy with him at first, won’t stop teasing him about his crush on you now. 

Then there is Heather. He is scared of Heather. 

“She told me that she wished that she met me first. What does it even mean? That we could’ve been something if we met first?” He asks, throwing his hands up as he voices his questions out loud for the first time. “We can’t be anything now because she’s already in love with him? Because she could never love me after loving him?” Eddie buries his hands in his curls, huffing. “Jesus Christ, I made peace with the fact I can never have her but fuck, she goes and says this.”

“You are way too negative, boy. Has anyone ever told you that? Who says that you can’t have her?” 

“I’m not negative, I’m just seeing things the way they are.” 

Dmitri shakes his head, scrunching his face up in disapproval. 

“No, you are seeing things the way you want to see them because you refuse to believe that she could ever love you,” he says, pointing at him with the screwdriver. “You see her words negatively without even knowing what she actually meant.”

Eddie shakes his head, stubbornly. 

“Tell me,” Dmitri sighs. “That guy, her ex boyfriend, did he break her heart?” 

“Fucking crushed it,” Eddie frowns. “He left her for another girl. She was – she was so heartbroken, I think she still is.”

He nods, “alright, well, she went through heartbreak and a lot of hurt. But, now she has you. Maybe, she loves you, maybe she is even in love with you but she’s scared just like you are. She’s scared of losing you as a friend, of getting her heart broken again, the trust isn’t there anymore after she’s been left for someone else. Maybe she wants to be with you but she is struggling. If she met you first, she would’ve never been with him, in the first place, she wouldn’t have gotten her heart broken, she would’ve loved you fearlessly and you would’ve loved her too, you wouldn’t have left her for someone else, would you?” 

No, Eddie would never do this to you. Eddie would rather get his heart broken than be the one to break yours. 

“Never.”

“See, things could’ve been so simple if she met you first, that’s what she was trying to say. But now, she has all these fears and all these trust issues and probably thinks she isn’t good enough – just what you are dealing with too, Eddie. I don’t know your girl but I’m sure she’s worth fighting for. And, from what Wayne told me about you two, you seem to make each other happy.” 

Eddie’s eyes widen, he is stunned. 

Wayne talks about the two of you? 

He doesn’t know how to feel about Dmitri’s words, knowing that they might hold more false hope than the actual truth for him. 

But, Eddie knows, he feels that there is something. And yet, even if, your feelings for Steve will always be stronger. 

“But she still loves him.”

“Was he her first love?” 

“Yeah.” 

“Ah,” he nods. “Well, you know what? First love is always gonna be something special. I would know.”

Eddie raises his brows at him. 

“I used to be married.” 

Eddie’s head snaps up, he looks at him in surprise, “wait, really? I never knew.”

Dmitri chuckles, shrugging, “well, it’s not important anymore.”

“Why aren’t you together anymore?” 

Dmitri sighs, he places the tool back on the table, reaching for the hanky in his pocket, he looks down at his oil stained hands and begins to clean them.

“Things just didn’t work out. She met someone else, fell in love and uh our marriage was just history.” 

“Oh,” Eddie frowns. 

“Yeah, and you know what? I hated her for a while, she hurt me. But I let go, I moved on and I accepted that I will always love her, despite how much I hated her for the first few months after she left. You can’t erase the past, we used to have something good before it all went wrong. She was special to me and even now, it’s something special when I look back on the good moments. But, never in a million years would I go back to it again or leave my girlfriend for her if she ever wanted me back. The past is the past. And first love is rarely ever true love.” 

Eddie understands what he is trying to say, yet somehow, he struggles to believe that you could ever move on from Steve. 

“Don’t give up, Eddie. She won’t always be hung up on him.” 

“Yeah,” Eddie mumbles. Though, he can’t help but struggle to believe it. Maybe it’s his stubborn mind that can’t let go of the idea of you being unable to let go of Steve for someone like him or maybe, he is just too afraid to get his hopes up only to lose not only his heart but also his mind at the end of it all. 

“Have you ever been in love? I mean, besides with her?” Dmitri asks Eddie, who furrows his brows and shakes his head. 

“Nah, not really,” Eddie mumbles, snorting as he thinks back to his younger self. The one who closed himself off completely, never letting anyone in to even see a glimpse of the real Eddie. “It was never for me, love. I mean, I had a few crushes here and there but it was never anything serious, you know? But shit, I always watched her when we were still in high school,” Eddie says, not even feeling the smile that is creeping up on his face as he thinks back to those days. “I’m pretty sure I failed math class because of her, she was always next to me – she always chose the seats next to me, I’m certain that she wasn’t even aware that she was doing it but she was there and I was there, and she was so focused on class while I spent the whole hour just staring at her. We weren’t friends back then but she always smiled at me even though we never really talked until last summer. We spent a night together after she had gotten into a fight with her boyfriend and then, she started paying more attention to me in school and then we became friends and then we got closer and closer and my plan to never catch feelings flew out the window,” he says, dramatically. 

Dmitri chuckles at Eddie, shaking his head. 

“What’s life without love, Eddie?” 

“Less suffering?” He mumbles. 

“Well, yeah. Some people get lucky though.”

Eddie fears that he won’t be one of those who will ever get lucky, especially when it comes to love. 

But maybe, maybe there is just the smallest sliver of hope inside of him. 

-

August is coming to an end, the summer days are slowly passing, fall is coming closer and so is Steve’s birthday. It’s tomorrow. It’s been a while since you had last seen him. It’s been a while since you had hung out with him in a group, let alone. The past few weeks, you have spent a lot of time by yourself, you needed it, you needed it to collect your feelings. Robin was right. 

Though, you could not stay away from Eddie for too long. He is your best friend, you can’t be without him and you won’t let your feelings ruin yet another friendship. 

Despite the distance between you and Steve, you made it a mission to go on a hunt for the perfect birthday present for him. It’s something that Heather rolled her eyes at when you told her about it, this morning. ‘Who in their right mind would buy their ex boyfriend a birthday present?’ She had asked, scoffing. Really, no one would do that, no one except for you. But you and Steve, you have a history that you can’t and don’t want to erase. Not only was he your best friend, once. He was also there when you needed him, when he didn’t even have to be there. 

He gave you a birthday present and he kept up the tradition the two of you had. 

You know that he isn’t alone anymore, that he has Dustin and Robin now, people who care for him, people who love him and won’t leave him hanging on a day like this, but you still want to do something that you used to do when you were still.. friends. 

“I’m telling you, y/n, the Star Wars movie collection would be the best decision ever!” 

Dustin exclaims as he walks through the downtown streets next to you. 

“Dustin, I know you’re a little Star Wars geek but there’s just no way that he will be happy to unwrap a collection of movies that he’s not even a fan of!” 

Dustin rolls his eyes at you, “listen, if there’s someone that can turn him into a ‘Star Wars geek’ then that’s you!” 

“But I’m not a Star Wars geek,” you mumble, furrowing your brows at the boy. 

“Then you and Steve can become geeks together,” he smiles enthusiastically. “You could have movie nights, just watch Star Wars together,” he winks. 

You shake your head at him. 

“I see what you’re trying to do and you’re really no help, Dustin.” 

“I’m not doing anything,” he feigns innocence. “You need a birthday present for Steve and asked for help, so that’s what I’m doing, I’m trying to help.” 

“Well, I was thinking I’d get him a cool bracelet–” “Boring!” He yawns. 

“Hey!” You frown, raising your hand, you ruffle his curls, making him groan in annoyance. 

“Stop!” 

You chuckle at him when he slaps your hand away. Pointing at you with a stern look on his face, “you really need to stop ruining my hair!” 

“Don’t worry, the Farrah Fawcett spray holds your perfect hairstyle together, Dusty bun.” You giggle. “How’s Suzie doing, by the way?” 

He rolls his eyes again, sighing, dramatically. 

“You’re like the older sister I never wanted.” 

You gasp, putting your hand over your heart, “ouch, I thought you liked me.” 

“I do, and I don’t even know why,” he jokes, giggling when you pretend to cry. 

“You only like me cause I drive you around when your mama Steve is working.” 

He laughs, throwing his head back. 

“If he is the mom, then what does that make you and Eddie?” 

You furrow your brows, looking up as you pretend to think, “hmm, Eddie is the chaotic dad and I’m uh, I dunno, the cool babysitter.”

“The babysitter who is secretly dating both the mom and the dad,” he says with a smirk. 

“Dustin!” You exclaim as you halt in your tracks, while he keeps walking, laughing when he turns around to look at you, he keeps working backwards. 

“You should’ve seen your face!” 

“Very funny!”

He stops walking when he notices something in the window at the video store, “ooh, look, Star Wars! I’m gonna check it out, you should too!” He says before he turns around and rushes into the store. 

You roll your eyes, groaning. You’re about to follow him inside the store, when your eyes fall on the couple leaving the restaurant across the street. Enzo’s. You have only been there once. Steve took you there on a date, it was an amazing night, you remember every detail of it. How he gave you the prettiest bouquet of flowers that you had ever seen when he picked you up, how he kissed you and told you how beautiful you looked when you wore a midnight blue dress, how sweet and nice he was, so different from the night before when you fought at his party. He was a gentleman that night, he held you softly, he kissed you gently, he held your hand at the restaurant and he only looked at you, not at the young waitress that kept trying to throw him glances. He only looked at you because you were the one he wanted. That night, he had put a ring on your middle finger, promising that the next one would be on your ring finger, only to crush your heart weeks later when he told you that he wasn’t in love with you anymore, that he fell in love with her. 

That night has haunted you for weeks and months after he had dumped you. Every night, you glared at the ceiling, thinking about the things he had said to you that night, the promises he made, the hope he gave, the love he gave. How you had sat there so pathetically in love not knowing that only days later he would meet her. 

You feel even more pathetic now because it still hurts, because it still shakes the ground beneath you, because it still feels like it just happened yesterday when you think back to that day. It shouldn’t hurt anymore, at least not like this but you get sucked back into the past so easily. 

All it ever took was to hear his name to feel the pain all over again. But months have passed, things have changed, you have changed and it all got a little easier. You’re even friends again. 

But now, it’s the memories, the one that you have locked away, the ones that are still holding you back. 

As you stare at the restaurant, realization floods through you like a cold wave that would make you gasp and shudder. 

You haven’t let go of them, of the memories, of the past, of the old him. Even after so many months, even after making yourself and everyone else believe that you had let go, you never really did. And that is the cause of all of the messes in your head and in your heart. The past keeps calling for you, the past keeps pulling you back. 

You feel stuck. You are stuck. You are still stuck in the past. 

It’s why you can’t move on, it’s why you can’t find happiness, it’s why you can’t find yourself in this timeline because you are stuck in a time that no longer exists. 

You never let go, you never let go of him, you never let go of the anger and the pain that is rooted so deeply inside of you. It’s not even his fault, it’s your own, because you couldn’t let go of all the memories you have made with him, good and bad. 

You have a second chance with him now, you gave him one, despite how wrong it was to do so, you gave him and your friendship a second chance because you did not want to lose him again. He is right in front of you and he is trying, he is trying to be good, he is trying to be your friend. Yet, you kept holding onto something that died a long time ago.

Dustin calls your name, but you are still staring at the restaurant. 

“Hey,” Dustin waves his hand in front of you, watching you in concern, “you… okay?”

You snap out of your thoughts, blinking. You clear your throat, looking into Dustin’s worried eyes, “y-yeah!” 

He looks back, checking out what you’ve been staring at for so long. 

“You uh, don’t plan on buying him a restaurant do you?” 

You crack a smile, shaking your head at the young teen. 

“Come on, I gotta show you something, you’re gonna love it!” He grins as he grabs your hand and drags you into the store, pulling you away from something that had thrown your world upside down, yet again. 

-

The window is open in his room, the cold breeze kisses his skin, distant thunder crashes through the sky but lighting is yet to be seen. The room is silent, as is the rest of the house, as always. Steve is sitting on his bed, his eyes keep flickering back and forth between the watch on his nightstand and the telephone. 

He is waiting, waiting for something that might not happen this year. 

It’s almost midnight. It’s almost his birthday. 

He is willing you to call. He needs you to. He needs to hear your voice, it’s been too long since he had last heard you, since he had last seen you. You had distanced yourself from everyone for a moment, but especially from him. Robin had told him that you needed it, that you needed some time to yourself. And while he understood why, he still felt sad when you stopped showing up at Scoops Ahoy every lunch break. 

He glances at the watch. The clock strikes 12, but the phone isn’t ringing and he fears that it won’t at all. He knew it wouldn’t. He knew you wouldn’t call. Yet, he can’t help but feel disappointment sinking through him. This will be the first year without a call from you at midnight on his birthday. 

He closes his eyes. 

His parents aren’t here, and they won’t be when he wakes up in the morning. They won’t be here, he already knows it. Despite the promise that they had made, he knows they won’t show up. And this time, you won’t be here either. 

For the first time in a while, he feels like crying again. 

It’s 12:01 when the shrill sound of the ringing telephone almost makes him jump up from his bed. He opens his eyes, staring at it for a second before he picks up the phone with a pounding heart and hope in his eyes. 

“Hello?”

For a moment, he can only hear his racing heart and silence on the other line. 

“Hey.”

It’s you. 

You called him, after all. 

“Happy birthday, Steve,” you whisper in a way that mends his hurting heart in an instant. 

He blinks the tears away that have threatened to fall just seconds ago. 

“T-Thank you, Dolly,” he whispers. “I didn’t think you’d call.”

“I always call.” 

“Yeah, but.. things are different now. I’d understand if you didn’t call,” he says, though he wanted nothing more than to hear your voice. For weeks, he had craved to see you, to hear your voice, to feel your presence. But especially tonight, because this used to be something special to you and him. 

You are quiet. For a long minute, you don’t say anything. Steve can tell that you are struggling. 

“But we’re friends, right?” 

“Yes, we’re friends,” he whispers, sadly. 

He pictures the look on your face, right now. He thinks that it matches the sad one on his.

“I missed you,” Steve whispers. 

He can hear your breath hitching in your throat. 

“I missed you too.”

That alone, is enough to make his heart flutter in his chest. You missed him.

You clear your throat. 

“S-So are you throwing a big party tomorrow?” 

Steve lays back, letting himself fall into the soft pillows. 

“No, I think I’m done with those.” 

There haven’t been many parties that ever brought him anything good. Most of them ended badly for him. 

“Oh, but you always used to throw birthday parties.”

He can hear the frown in your voice and he can’t help but smile at that. 

“I’m getting old,” he jokes. 

You laugh at his words, not knowing that the sound of it causes his heart to beat wildly. 

“Oh yeah, you’re such an old man, Harrington,” you tease. “How’d you manage to keep the good looks?” You ask with a giggle. 

His eyes widen and his cheeks heat up. He can feel the blush on his cheeks now. 

“I uh– well, I eat healthy and I work out,” he mumbles, scrunching his face up. 

“You work out, huh? Just when you leave the basketball team, you start working out even more.”

He chuckles. He raises his hand towards his hair, running his fingers through it. 

“Well, I get bored after work and when Robin and Dustin aren’t around to be little shitheads, I use the gym that my dad built for no reason. That old man never uses it.” 

You snort. 

“You should start playing DnD with the guys.” 

“You mean with Eddie?” Steve asks, rolling his eyes. 

“Uh, well, Eddie rarely plays nowadays, he’s busy with work and the band but yeah, sure. You two should spend some time together.” 

Steve raises his brows.

Him and Eddie, spending time together?

Eddie hates his guts. And, Steve doesn’t even blame him for it. But, he’s not a big fan of him either. Eddie has something that he wants back. 

The thought of spending time with him seems like something out of a fever dream. 

“I think you’d actually get along if you both tried.” 

He frowns at your words, shaking his head as though you can see him. 

“Uh, yeah, I’m sorry but no.” 

“You’re both so stubborn, I swear. Trust me, you’re not that much different from each other – Eddie also loves KFC.” 

Steve snorts at your words, rolling his eyes. 

“Did it traumatize you when he took you to KFC for the first time? You know, cause you always hated it so much when I took you there?” 

You giggle. 

“Oh, it was so traumatizing, Steve. I almost had a panic attack.” 

“Always so dramatic, honey,” he says so naturally. 

“You know me.”

You are both smiling, both laying in your beds as you talk on the phone for the first time in forever. This used to be a regular thing a long time ago.

“How are you?” He asks the question that has been lingering on his mind forever. “I haven’t seen you since we met up for lunch.” When Robin had crushed the ‘date’ that he was looking forward to. 

“I’m... good.” 

“Are you?” 

“Yeah,” you whisper. “I’m good.” 

Steve had wondered what went wrong. That day you had met up with him, you seemed so nervous, so anxious and worried. He could not ask you back then, he didn’t want to pressure you. And then, you and Robin had disappeared. When she came back without you and she told him that you needed some time to yourself, that he should stay away from you for a little while, he couldn’t help but feel sick with worry. 

“Robin said you needed some time to yourself, are you okay?” 

“Yeah. I-I uh, I just needed to be alone for a little.”

“Oh.” 

Alone. Alone but with Eddie. 

“So, what are you doing for your birthday if you’re not throwing a party?”

“I’m gonna have dinner with my parents.” 

“Oh! They’re gonna be there?” You ask, surprised. 

“Yeah,” Steve says, knowing that they won’t be there. He wishes you would be there. He wishes that he could spend the day with you. But he can’t ask, knowing that you will say yes only because you won’t be able to say no. 

“That’s nice, Steve.” You say. In a way, it sounds like there is something else you want to tell him. 

“Yeah..”

“D-Do you remember when we went to Enzo’s, last year?” You ask after a beat of silence.

“Yes, of course, I remember,” he says so simply, like he didn’t crush your heart weeks after giving false hope and promises he never kept. 

You’re quiet, again. And despite not seeing you, he knows that you’re sad when he feels his heart clenching. 

“It was.. one of the best dates I’ve ever been on, Steve.” 

Your voice has changed so suddenly, it sounds sick with sadness. 

He remembers it, he remembers it just the way you do. 

Right now, he wants nothing more than to go back to that night, just to see you smile again, just to feel your touch again, just to be with you again. He wants to go back to a night where you had still loved him, where he hadn’t ruined anything yet. 

“Maybe we can go back there sometime,” he whispers with hope in his heart. 

“Yeah, maybe…”

Though, while he sounds hopeful, you sound uncertain.

And he knows, the reason isn't your past. But something, someone else.

-

next chapter

-

taglist for friends and mutuals

@taintedcigs @hellfire--cult @mysticmunson @littledemondani @wroteclassicaly @succubusmunson @trashmouth-richie @xxhellfirebunnyxx @corrodedcorpses @corrodedseraphine @somethingvicked @sherrylyn628 @take-everything-you-can @nemesis729 @chrissymjstan

[lunalikestowriteanddraw]

what if kremy and gideon know they're in love, they've individually known for a moment

but they cant accept it

they've been with each other so long. What happens if its not mutual? what'll they do? Leave each other? They cant just not talk to each other, they've known each other for years. what if they lose each other. What if they break apart because they couldnt keep their feelings to themselves So they just sit, trapped in limbo, knowing that keeping this friendship going is better than wanting more. But it'll slowly kill em, like a poison. OR they're jsut fucking dense, which is more likely than that paragraph i just pulled out of mmy ass /j

I personally feel like it’s a mixture of both.

Like, Kremy knows that his feelings for Gideon are more than platonic—and he’s probably known for a while (at least since the Witchlight carnival, if not beforehand)—but we know how Kremy is. Not only is he generally too prideful to admit to anything if he doesn’t have to (and even then, it’ll still be riddled with half-truths ans missing information), but he’s also scared. Because he can’t begin to even imagine a life without Gideon by his side, and he knows how Gideon is with commitment (ignoring the fact that Kremy is probably the only person Gideon has ever fully committed to, platonic or otherwise), so he’s scared that if he says something—or even gives a hint that he does, in fact, love Gideon—that Gideon will run the moment he gets the chance (ignoring the fact that Gideon will follow Kremy to the ends of the earth, because what does Gideon have if Kremy’s not by his side?), and Kremy would rather die than let his husband go.

Gideon, on the other hand, knows he has some kind of feelings for Kremy, but doesn’t know how to name said feelings. Because, as far as Gideon’s aware, he’s had these kinds of feelings towards Kremy for just about the entire time he’s known the lizardfolk. Gideon wants to protect Kremy, hold him close and never let go, follow him until the ends of the earth. And if he gets a sudden urge to, I don’t know, kiss the lizardfolk, what of it? He never does it, of course, because he knows how Kremy is when it comes to any kind of intimacy like that, and Gideon doesn’t like the way his heart aches whenever Kremy (very quickly) pulls away whenever Gideon initiates a hug. And, he’s noticed (at least a little bit) that Kremy’s been acting a little weird since they got ironically married, but that’s just how Kremy is, ya know (Gideon tries to ignore the way his heart soars when Kremy acknowledged him as “his husband”, or the way Gideon felt complete and content as he danced with Kremy on their wedding night)?

And, I think they’re both too dense and caught up in their own feelings to acknowledge how the other acts around him. Or maybe neither own realizes that the other acts like because he loves him. After all, 10 years is a long time to know somebody, and even longer to be in love with them.

There is a tumblr post I think about often (just in general, but especially for these two), where it’s a ship dynamic called “Who Else Could It Be But You?”. I’m trying to find the specific video I’m looking for, but it’s probably gonna take me a while. In any case, I think that specific post encapsulates them perfectly, and I just. Yeah.

[brabblesblog]

Jealousy

Part two of the Goodnight Moon fic! This will probably now be a slow burn with a fair amount of angst, fluff, maybe smut? and a happy ending.

Please let me know what you all think!

Read on AO3.

Part 1 and 3

Masterlist.

The sound of your laughter from across the camp broke Astarion’s reverie. Ears prickling, he looked across the campfire to see you and Gale in his tent, shoulder to shoulder and looking at a scroll. He leaned in, eyes narrowing. You never laughed like that in his presence.

Ever since that night, feeding on you had become an almost nightly thing. Without fail, you would come over to him shyly every day and whisper that he could come feed on you tonight, and he would always purr a flirty response that never failed to make you blush. He would never admit it, but he lived for those moments when you would get flustered, cheeks reddening and barely able to string together a reply. The rest of the day would almost always end up with you two together, either quietly walking together behind the rest of the group, or fighting side by side, his back to yours and yours to his. In the evenings, once things quieted down, he would make his way to your tent and always find you awake. The two of you would chat a little bit, before and after the bite, and then he would bid you goodnight. You still kept your hands clenched, he noticed, and he wanted to put his hand over it every time, but something in him held back. In this way your friendship was slowly blooming into something more authentic, but Astarion really didn’t know what to make of it yet. He knew you were attracted, yes, but was not sure what the reluctance for physical intimacy meant. You no doubt wanted his body - but why say no, then? Every time he made some sort of advance - fingers ghosting down your neck when he leaned in to bite, hands wrapping around your waist to stop you from falling into a trap - you would respond very positively, heart racing and face reddening, but you would always pull away. And you never really laughed, he realized. You smiled, and looked at him warmly (and he would always feel something warm pool in his chest whenever you did) but it was always so- he sighs, trying to figure out what it was -

Guarded. Like there were parts of you you were never going to let him see.

And now, this laughter. He pretended to continue reading his book, but his eyes were glazed over and trying to listen to the conversation.

“Gale- this.. this is stupid!” You giggle, smacking Gale on the thigh. “I can’t even figure it out. I’m too dumb for this.”

Gale utters a long suffering sigh and shakes his head. “I don’t think I’ve ever met someone with so little affinity for the weave. It is quite intriguing, if it weren’t so pitiful.” You smack him again and he yelps. Astarion looks up, staring now, and his heart breaks a little. You were so open around Gale, so willing to be so close to him without any walls up.

“I have to go soon,” you say, “but I definitely will be practicing more with you.”

Gale chuckles, then grows more serious. He lays a gentle hand over your shoulders, tugging you close. Astarion notices you don’t blush, but you also lean in fully. “Are you sure this is what you want? It’s dangerous, falling for-“

You interrupt Gale, shushing him. “It is. And I don’t think I really have a choice. Now be quiet! Only you know.” You give him a quick hug and then leave, heading for your bed. Gale watches you go with a soft look on his face.

The elf quietly closes his book, pondering what he had just heard. Falling for? Gale? How did he miss this?

It should be fine, right? Just because you and Gale were well- whatever you two are- doesn’t mean he’s lost your protection. You still let him feed on you. Perfectly fine, he tells himself, as a burning hot feeling rages through his chest. A feeling he suspected to be jealousy, but refused to acknowledge as such.

He preened more than the usual before coming to your bed tonight. He made sure his curls were perfect and clean, and that his shirt was tied a little looser, showing off more of his chest. Bracing himself, he walked to you, and to his surprise saw you still with that blasted scroll, practicing.

“Looks like either your teacher was inept, or you’re just unable to grasp the finer points of the weave,” he drawled, adapting an air of casual indifference as he walked in. You blush furiously, hiding the scroll. “Astarion. Uh- hi. I didn’t think you’d come so early today.”

“I’m not surprised. Seeing you fumble about all day, I’m sure it’s a you thing, not him,” he continued. You eyes darken with hurt, and you look away. Wordlessly, you lay down and bare your neck, wanting him to just bite and be done with it. He sighs, sits down next to you, and eyes you warily. The quiet stretches for a few minutes.

“Am I to assume our nightly… rendezvous is at an end? I am sure Gale would mind if his sweet apprentice always ended up woozy in the daytime.” He knew it made zero sense, but he was just trying to soothe his own pain, stamping down any hope he had inside himself.

“No, he does not mind,” you say softly. “I’m just trying to learn one spell, not be a wizard.” Your eyes move over him and gods, he was beautiful. His eyes were filled with an emotion you have never seen there before, and your eyes fall downwards, lingering on the pale skin where his shirt was a little too carelessly left open.

He notices your eyes, and his expression darkens. Maybe your heart was Gale’s, but you still wanted him. He takes your hand and places it where you were looking.

“You know, they say that when vampires feed, their hearts beat again,” he says, leaning in closer, keeping your hand over his chest. “Would you like to feel that?”

You can only gulp and nod, completely caught in his trap. He places a soft kiss on your jaw, then moves down to your neck, biting down.

You feel a soft thudding under your fingers, but you aren’t sure if it’s your own pulse or his heart. You close your eyes, just feeling it. The now-familiar cold and numbness creeping over you; the new and possibly imaginary heartbeats under your splayed fingers. You lean in against the top of his head and inhale, planting a soft, loving kiss.

You were dangerously close to falling in love with him, that much was sure. Gale had been right to caution you against it. You weren’t even sure what he wanted. To manipulate your feelings so that you’d feed him, help him? Most likely. By all means you should resist, to tell him he could have what he wanted without giving anything in return, but for now you wanted to enjoy this.

He finally finishes, pulling away with a satisfied smile. The thudding stops, but you’re not really sure if it was ever there. “Did you enjoy that, my dear? I never really am sure if it’s true, never checked myself, but you can tell me now,” he smirked.

You take a few moments to compose yourself, then sit up too. “I did feel something - I think. I wasn’t sure. But. Astarion,” you speak so earnestly he looks to you with surprise.

You take a deep breath. You have to tell him.

“You don’t have to do anything, okay? Nothing in return for feeding. I will feed you. And I will help you. And I will do my best to keep you safe.”

He looks crestfallen, but in a second it’s hidden behind a mask of indifference and a smirk. “Why of course I knew that! It’s all just fun though, isn’t it? To taste you, to taste me - to make our dull days a little better?”

So it is Gale. Astarion’s heart breaks a little bit at your words, as much as he denies it even exists. Your help is assured, so he should be happy. But all he feels is that gnawing hole in the middle of his chest.

“It is fun,” you acknowledge. “You have made my days considerably less dull.” Gathering your courage, you finally lean forward and kiss his cheek. You keep your eyes shut, afraid to see his expression. This will probably be the last time you and he would have any contact of the romantic sort, seeing as you told him it was no longer necessary. But all the same you will miss it.

“Good night, Astarion,” you whisper softly, eyes still closed. As you begin to pull away, he stops you, hands on your shoulders keeping you there. He takes a sharp breath, one that makes you realize his lips are right in front of you. “Good night, darling. Sleep well.” A small, chaste kiss is placed on your lips, and just like that, he is gone.

Astarion leaves before he can say too much. Before he can spill out words that he’s too afraid to admit even to himself. He hunts recklessly tonight, trying to burn the thought of tonight’s events from his mind.

[bb-sg]

Not sure what your limit is but can you pls do jealousy HCs for these jjk men: Toji Gojo Nanami Sukuna Geto? Lmk if tooo much >.<

It’s not too much! I only did 3 of these guys for now but plan on finishing the other two this weekend and making it a whole HC. Thank you for the idea! 🥹 Here’s the start of it, hope you like!

Jealously HC for JJK Men- Part 1!

TW: Sm*t, rough s*x, jealous/yandere theme, degradation.

Let me know if I missed any.

*******************************************************

Gojo:

• Doesn’t understand why you insist on wearing clothes that show off your legs and ample shape in public. He is the only one who should be honored and lucky enough to see your exposed skin.

• Walks behind you whenever your wearing a skirt, so he’s the only one that gets to see that view.

• Watches how strangers interact with you closely. Waiting to step in when someone gets too close or their eyes start to wander over your body too much

• He will hang off of you, drape his arm over your shoulder, hold you around the waist when he feels the gaze of the vultures just waiting to swoop in and steal you from him.

• Gojo wants to stake his claim on you publicly, making it impossible for you to seek attention anywhere else but from him. He buys you a necklace with his clan's name on it and expects you to wear it whenever you’re not with him.

• Gojo is annoyed when strangers try to flirt with you, or give you attention, but knows that they could never replace him, not unless you want them to.

• Which is why he sees red when he watches you from afar, laughing and giggling with your best guy friend.

• He fantasizes about ripping your friend to shreds when Gojo sees him touching your arm, giving you his sweatshirt to wear or when he catches him stealing glances down your shirt or up your skirt.

• loses his patience when he sees your friend trying to wrap an arm around you when you say you are cold. Gojo warps between the two of you, pulling you close and teasing you for not bringing a jacket even though he told you to. He pretends he hasn’t been watching the two of you, seething at the thought of someone laying a finger on what is his.

• He grabs your hand and pulls you into the nearest bathroom so he can bend you over the sink and make you scream. He doesn’t stop until he’s sure you are loud enough for your friend to hear.

• He uses the necklace he gave you as leverage while he takes his anger out on you, thrusting deep inside you. He pulls the necklace tight enough that the imprint of his name will be left on your neck for everyone to see.

• “If you want to act like a slut then I’ll go ahead and treat you like one.”

Nanami:

• Claims that he is not a jealous lover, understanding that he cannot truly own you, even if he wants to.

• Doesn’t care that you wear short skirts and skin-tight clothes because he knows this is all superficial, it is the intimacy between you two that is important.

• Nanami lets all the looks and glances of others slide by without concern until he meets your so-called “work husband”

• When he comes to visit you at your job and finds a man leaning over your shoulder, as you type away at your laptop, Nanami starts to worry.

• Nanami sees how you and this man interact and he wants to tell you to quit your job. He watches as you two share inside jokes, laughing, talking like you two have known each other for years.

• When you invite your “work husband” to meet your actual husband, Nanami grips the man’s hand so hard during the handshake that the man winces.

• Nanami tries to brush it off as workplace friendships but can’t shake the feeling that this man is sharing a part of your life with you that he will never be able to reciprocate.

• Nanami has had enough when you come home smiling and laughing about something that your “work husband” said today. He wants to be the reason you are smiling.

• He decides to remind you who is supposed to be the one to make you feel good by burying himself so deep inside you that you forget all about that “work husband” of yours.

• When you try to cover your face while reaching your high, he stops and makes you watch him, forcing you to come undone around him.

• “Look at me, I want you to see who is making you cum. See who makes you feel this good, and know that nobody else can make you cum like this.”

• Nanami claims that he isn’t a jealous lover, but he just happens to keep your phone nearby so he can “accidentally” call your pathetic work husband when you are screaming for him.

Toji

• Toji doesn’t care what you wear, because he knows that he’ll be able to break any man’s jaw if they so much as try to speak to you.

• He almost enjoys watching you flaunt yourself around in public knowing that you know you are his and no one else’s.

• He doesn’t even mind when he sees his friends ogling you when you bend down to tie your shoe.

• What he does mind is seeing you leaning over a pool table trying to make a shot while his friend has nestled in behind you, pressed against you to help show you how to sink the ball. He knows you know how to play pool better than him, wondering why you let him be that close to you.

• Toji makes eye contact with you while you give him a sly smile. You wiggle your ass against his friend while watching him fume with rage. He finally cracks when his friend's hand grips your waist tightly.

• He knows you are trying to antagonize him but still gives into his anger. His trigger finger more than ready. You’ve been naughty by letting another man touch you, touch what he owns.

• Within seconds, he is pulling you away from his friend and forcing you to your knees. He leans against the pool table.

• “Open your mouth and show him whose whore you really are.”

• Toji slides his cock down your throat so far that your nose is touching his pelvis.

• He makes his friend watch as he uses you like a flashlight, gripping your hair for leverage. He needs to know that his friend is aware that he can never have you like this.

• After he cums in your mouth, he makes you hold it on your tongue and show his friend before he spits into your mouth and commands you to swallow.

• He will take you into a more private room to give you your punishment for thinking you could even think about leaving him for another man. Making you Yelp and cry out with every spank he delivers to your ass.

• “You thought this was a fun game didn’t you? I’ll fuck you dumb so you will never have those stupid thoughts ever again.”

Reblogging and likes are appreciated. Please do not copy or repost without credit.

[herejusttosufferalong]

All of these (awesome) timelines really give me so many headaches. I just can’t get over certain kinds of physical closeness, especially the bum pinching/thigh touching/hair and neck stroking (Brazil), and hand rubbing…

I keep going back and forth between two options. Either, L and N have always had a very flirty and physical friendship, which maybe became more so after all of the intimacy scenes. (I suppose that would be understandable). 

Or, when the Jade relationship broke down, they become more physically and openly flirty - sending signals even if they never actually had a conversation about being more than friends. Bases on the vibes for the BTS of 7/8 and last intimacy scene, I think there might have been some testing of the water. But I think they decided not to go any further or talk about it too deeply because of all the reasons others have mentioned re: timing (BM filming, rebounding, knowing what’s real).  

That would sort of explain why they are not awkward as hell (all of the time, at least) when answering certain kinds of question. And why it was so easy for them to fall back into that very flirty/physical friendship during the tour - especially if feelings reignited. I.e. because they never really left the friendzone - and maybe they thought they had gotten over their feelings and had been able to go back to normal”.

I do feel like the bum pinching holds the key. Was it “just” a bet for the press tour? If so, surely Nicola didn’t fail to join in completely and we’re missing some sort of other unhinged/“shameless” attempt on her part to get him to lose his train of thought? Who started the game and what does it say about their relationship that it felt like an appropriate thing to do while one or both, potentially, were seeing other people?!

My head hurts. 

.

[monsterfuker3000]

I Crave Your Taste ⋆⭒˚｡⋆

HEY so like uhhhh it’s been a while bc I’ve been being an absolute girl queen pussy BOSS and I’m essentially running my golf course alone like 60 hours a week so I haven’t had much free time 🥲 ANYWAY I present to you uhhh this!

CW: reader is hit on by a creep, punching, brief mention of blood, dom!ish?reader, sub!ish?Leon, fem reader, mf uhhh yearning, pining, uhh some longing and desiring, a little languishing (Leon is stupid,) p in v sex, unprotected sex (DO NOT DO THAT,) Leon uses every pet name in the book but that’s cuz he loves you, man I can’t think of anything else I’m writing this on the clock. If I missed anything let me know pls my angels mwah!

Word count: 2,145 words of Leon drowning in misunderstanding trope

“Oh my God, are you fucking jealous?”

Fuck that guy. Leon couldn’t stand him. The way he pawed at you, the way he stared at you like you were something to fucking eat. He swears he could kill the bastard. He gripped the glass in his hand hard, wondering absentmindedly if he might break it but not able to bring himself to care. Why did you have to come to this bar with that guy? Why didn’t you want to go with him?

You’d told him you were going on a date this morning in the break room of the station when the two of you ran into each other in search of coffee. He faltered, almost dropping his coffee cup, but he knew he had no right to say anything. The two of you were best friends and had hooked up a handful of times, but it was never more serious than that, not that Leon didn’t want it to be. He loved you desperately, he had from the very beginning, but how could he tell you that? You were perfect, beautiful in every way and he knew he was lucky to even have this small part of you. There was no way he was messing that up by spilling his guts for you and potentially driving you away, so beyond your close friendship, he kept you at arm’s length.

That’s precisely why you were going on this date. You didn’t like the guy all that much, but you were head over heels for Leon and he certainly didn’t seem to feel the same way, so the other man was a convenient distraction. Every time you tried for some intimacy that wasn’t sexual, Leon would seem to lose interest. He wouldn’t hold you after sex the way that you liked. It’s not that he would skip aftercare altogether; he’d get you cleaned up and situated to the best of his ability, but he’d either leave your apartment right after or wouldn’t touch you.

It’s not that he didn’t want to hold you after sex. God, he’d give anything. But he knew that the second he had you in his arms in any way that was that tender, he wouldn’t be able to keep his mouth shut or his heart steady. He wasn’t risking that.

The two of you were at an impasse, and that’s what landed you at this bar at 10 o’clock on a Friday. The guy you were on a date with was okay, what was his name? James? Jake? Whatever. He was impossibly boring and a little gross, so you didn’t feel the need to memorize his name since you didn’t think you’d be seeing him again. He was also wildly drunk and had his arm around you, squeezing you a little tighter than you thought was necessary, but the date seemed to be winding to a close, so you figured you’d have your personal space back shortly. You paid your tab (there was no way you were letting this guy spend any money on you,) and turned to your date to say goodbye.

“Well,” what was his name? Better just skip it. “I had a lot of fun, but I think I’m going to head out. I’ll call you, okay?” You absolutely would not call him. He stood, swaying a bit.

“Come on, little lady,” he leered at you. “Don’t you want to come back to my place?” Fuck no, you didn’t, but you tried to stay polite.

“No thank you, but I’ll talk to you later, okay?” You turned again to leave but he grabbed your arm, pulling you in close to whisper in your ear.

“You really think you get to just leave now?” Your blood ran cold. No fucking way. You tried to wrench your arm away but he held fast. “Don’t fight me on this, kitten, you know you owe me.” He leaned in even closer to flick his tongue against your earlobe, nearly making you gag. Then he was gone. What?

He lay on the ground in front of you now, hands covering a bloody nose someone had delivered him. Who? Your eyes shot up and locked on Leon’s, a soft expression on his face as he looked at you despite his bloodied knuckles. When did he get here? Leon turned away from you to look back down at the man, his expression changing to icy in an instant.

“If you ever touch her again, I swear to God I’ll kill you with my bare hands,” he spat. The man scrambled to his feet and darted through the crowd that had started to form, rushing through the front entrance of the bar full tilt. Leon looked back at you. “My car, now,” he snapped, holding his hand out for you but giving you the choice to take it or not. You did.

He helped you into the passenger seat of his Jeep, closing the door behind you before getting in the driver’s seat himself. “I’m taking you to my place,” he told you, leaving little room for argument. You nodded.

The ride back to his apartment was quiet, both of you not saying anything from when you climbed into his car to when you plopped down on a chair in his tiny kitchen. You watched him cross his kitchen to the little sink, wetting a rag to dab at his now scabbed-over knuckles. He winced, and you stood from the kitchen chair to take the rag from him and help him.

He stayed silent and let you wipe away the blood. Two knuckles had split but not badly enough to need stitches, which you told him. He thanked you as you used a paper towel to dry off his hands. You hadn’t looked him in the eyes once during the entire process, and hoped he didn’t notice. He did.

“Why?” He asked you. You knew what he meant, but pretended you didn’t.

“Why what?”

“Why him? Why not me?”

You sighed. He knew damn well why, which you told him. He shot back that he definitely did not. You relented.

“Because,” you mumbled, “I want something that you won’t give me. I figured I wouldn’t find it in him, but I’m not going to get it from you, either.”

He was still confused. What in the world were you talking about? You saw him tilt his head to the side, his brows furrowed. You sighed.

“I love you, Leon, I have for a long time. I know you don’t love me back and I understand that, I’m okay with it, that’s why I’m looking for it elsewhere.”

“What?” He asked, eyes wide. You were frustrated now.

“I love you! I love you, okay?” You threw your hands up, tossing the bloody rag in the sink. “How many different ways do you want me to tell you, Lee? I’m fucking tired of-“

“Oh my God,” he cut you off. You were annoyed before, but now you were pissed.

“‘Oh my God,’ what, Leon? What, are you disgusted or something? Jesus Christ-“

He cut you off again, this time not by speaking over you but by pressing his lips to yours. Huh? He pulled away, your eyes still wide.

“I love you too.”

He loves you too. He loves you too. Holy shit. You grab the sides of his face and pull him in for another kiss, taking him by surprise. He let his hands fall naturally at your waist, trying to seem nonchalant, but he fisted desperately at your shirt and moaned high in his throat when you sunk your teeth into his bottom lip. He pulled away, eyes lingering on the string of spit connecting your mouths before he ducked his head to place wet, needy kisses to your throat.

“Please, honey,” he begged between kisses, his hands wandering. “Please let me touch you. Promise I’ll make you feel so good, please.” You pulled him away from you by his hair, and he whined pathetically.

“You want to touch me?” You asked, one eyebrow raised. He nodded. “Get on your knees and beg.”

You expected him to protest, but he didn’t miss a beat. He knelt down in front of you lightning-quick, hands on your thighs and the most desperate look in his eyes you’d ever seen. Perfect.

“Baby, please, I’ll give anything, I’ll do anything, just please let me touch you, let me taste you, I’m desperate, honey,” he pleaded.

“Bedroom,” you ordered, and once again he obeyed. He stood and slung you partway over his shoulder, making you laugh before making the short trip to his bedroom and throwing you down on the bed. He did nothing else, though, seemingly waiting for more instructions. You obliged. “Undress me.”

He nodded once and began to undress you, starting slow but getting sloppier and more desperate as he struggled with the button on your jeans. You took pity on him and undid the button and the zipper, allowing him to pull your jeans and panties off in one motion and throw them to the floor without any further interference. He reached to dip his fingers into your pussy but you grabbed his wrist, making him whine.

“So quiet until now, what happened?” You teased. He whined again.

“Wanna touch you, please,” he begged. You shook your head.

“I’m completely naked and you’re fully dressed. Do you really think that’s fair, Lee?” You questioned. He shook his head. “Undress yourself then.”

He began to take his own clothes off, somehow more desperate that he’d been when he’d undressed you. You managed to stifle a laugh when you heard the tear of fabric, wondering what he’d just put a hole through in his rush. You slid off the bed and stood when he finished, pushing him to lie down instead before climbing on top of him, straddling him just below his cock. He whined, reaching out for you. Part of you wanted to deny him, to punish him for all he’d put you through these past few months, but you couldn’t bring yourself to do it. You relented, allowing him to grab at your waist and lift you up as you used your hand to line his cock up with your entrance before he pushed you back down, sheathing himself completely.

He threw his head back into the pillows beneath him, golden hair strewn everywhere and sticking a bit to his already sweaty forehead. His teeth were gritted, pretty blue eyes pricking with tears as he squeezed them shut, fingers digging into your hips. He cried out in a way that could have been pathetic if you didn’t love it so much.

You gave him a moment to regain his composure as you sat atop him, but the second his heavy panting began to even out, you lifted your hips and slammed them back down, causing him to cry out again.

“Fuck, baby, feels so good,” he moaned, lifting his hips to meet you in the middle of every thrust. As the sound of skin slapping skin filled the room, he circled your clit with one thumb, trying desperately to keep up some semblance of a rhythm.

You ground against him with every thrust and were worked up enough physically and emotionally to know you weren’t going to last long.

“Lee, Lee I’m gonna cum,” you panted.

“Oh, honey, please cum on me, I wanna feel you squeeze me, feels so fucking good,” he rambled, his hips stuttering a bit. He was close too.

The circles around your clit became more sloppier and more desperate. Leon was trying like hell to get you to cum before him because he knew he wasn’t going to last.

“Come on, my pretty girl, cum for me, yeah? Please, please cum, I want it so bad, sweet thing,” he whined. A particularly sharp thrust finally sent you over the edge.

The rhythmic clenching of your pussy around him sent him over as well; he soon followed you, spilling into you with a cry. You rode him through both of your orgasms, finally lifting yourself off him when the aftershocks died down. He whined at the overstimulation and the feeling of his own cum dripping out of you onto his stomach. You laid next to him with a huff, your legs exhausted.

For the very first time, Leon pulled you into his arms and squeezed you tightly as you lay beside him, one hand rubbing your back gently. You pressed your forehead to his chest, allowing yourself to enjoy the genuine intimacy he was finally affording you, but the feeling was cut short by another more unpleasant one that made you grimace.

“Lee, I gotta get up. Your cum is oozing out onto the sheets.

“Stay here for just a few more minutes, sweet girl,” he replied sleepily. “I’ll help you change the sheets later.”

YEEEAAAAH I LOVE MISUNDERSTANDING TROPE

[ftl-faster-than-life]

Eobard Thawne for the meme

1: sexuality headcanon: Barrysexual Pansexual and homoromantic.

2: otp: Eobarry for sure--probably my favorite ship just due to the sheer complexity of that whole mess between them. What if eldritch horrors thought they were people and fell in love. What if one kept rewriting history just to cultivate a relationship through the cumulative effect. What if two of the most powerful entities ever to exist were so, so, so traumatized.

3: brotp: I want to see him bother Vandal Savage throughout history. Not so much a friendship as a series of really baffling encounters for Vandal. Eobard popping up like a confusing amalgam of canary in the coal mine and Cassandra. He’s there for the show.

4: notp: Meena Dhawan. If I ever see that relationship cross over from the live action show, I will send rotten eggs to DC's editors. Felt so damn contrived.

5: first headcanon that pops into my head: I think physical intimacy is something that he’s conditionally casual about. He’s a very touch starved person, so I don’t think he’d easily turn down an opportunity to touch and be touched, but I also don’t think he’s very comfortable in his own skin. I think the number of people who have seen his bare chest is probably in the single digits and most of those are his handlers in prison or the morgue.

6: favorite line from this character: God there are so many good ones. A lot of his most poignant lines lose impact out of context, but “It’s the only time you’ll spend with me” is loaded with so much significance.

7: one way in which I relate to this character: We’re both obsessed with Barry Allen.

8: thing that gives me second hand embarrassment about this character: UHHH. HMM. Man I don’t know…some of his fashion choices are a miss but I dress like a lesbian so I can’t talk.

9: cinnamon roll or problematic fave? Definitely a problematic fave.

Thanks for the ask!

[gotnobodycauseimbraindead]

Here’s why I have a fundamental problem with the writers trying to give Spock a girlfriend all the time.

It lessens Kirk and Spock’s relationship. Regardless of whether you think that they were romantic or platonic or somewhere in between, Kirk is THE most important person in Spock’s life. (And vice versa) That is undeniably canon. (“Where do you estimate we belong, Miss Keeler?” “You? At his side, as if you’ve always been there and always will.” …. “I have been and always shall be yours.” …. “You are closer to the captain than anyone in the universe.”)

While Kirk is capable of casual romantic relationships, Spock isn’t. He can’t be. The intimacy of the melding of minds, the touch… he couldn’t have all that with someone and them not become the most important person to him. At least not based on what I see of Spock in canon. So there’s no reconciling the idea of Spock having a girlfriend and still being closer to Kirk than anyone in the universe.

Which again, regardless of whether you view it as romantic or platonic, is indisputably canon. They are truly soulmates, and are meant to be together (not necessarily romantically) in every universe, beyond death, life, every possible scenario. They are the most important people in each other’s lives (followed closely by Dr. McCoy, The Enterprise in Kirk’s case lol, and the other core crew members) and either of them having a long term girlfriend messes with that dynamic. But especially with Spock as he doesn’t have multiple intimate (as in incredibly close, not necessarily sexual) relationships. At least not in my understanding of the character.

And that’s my problem with AOS and SNW. The writers don’t understand that (I’ll give SNW some grace since it has been pre-Kirk and Spock as a unit) and they keep trying to give Spock girlfriends and it frustrates me so much. Yes the case can be made that they are different shows/universes and thus aren’t held to TOS’s “rules” about Kirk and Spock’s relationship, but imo, that’s what makes their relationship extraordinary and so much better than a simple normal friendship. There have been lots of bromances on Star Trek (Bashir and O’Brien, Paris and Kim, Data and La Forge) but none of them have come anywhere close to having the legacy that Kirk and Spock’s do. And I believe that is because of the fact that they are simply THE most important person to each other and how intertwined their souls are.

This is all my opinion but I firmly hold to it lol. Anyway, rant over!

[emberfrostlovesloki]

Miss Haley Hotchner [Hotch x Reader]

Photo credits: Left (@happyheidi) Center (@ssamorganhotchner) Right (Press Coffee via their website)

Prompt: How the reader comes to have a friendship with Haley because of their shared interest in house plants.  

Pairing: Hotch x gender-neutral reader. The reader uses they/them pronouns. 

Category: Fluff and domesticity. 

Word Count: 7.2K

Content Warnings: Brief mention of a case and unsub (kidnapping), mention of Aaron's abuse (beatings).

A/N: Good evening, loves! Today I give you a soft little domestic piece. I can imagine supporting you in your hobbies and passions, and this is just indulging in that fantasy. Full transparency the plant person in my family is my sister, not me, so if I get some stuff wrong about the plants, sorry. Here is another odd tie-in to Aaron. My sister was also in a production of Pirates of Penzance in the summer, so I’m familiar with the musical now. The song “Major General “ is very impressive. Even being in the chorus would be hard. I’ll link a video of it below the story. That’s what I’ve got. If you like the story, likes, comments, and reblogs are appreciated! I hope you have a great rest of your week! Love Levi - ❤️ 

P.S. The gang wanted some domestic Hotch yesterday, so I'm tagging y'all. I hope this helps: @hotchs-big-hands @sleeperwillow

List with all stories

_y/n_ = your name 

_y/f/c_ = your favorite color 

_s/o/c_’s = strands or curls 

_y/f/c/d_ = your favorite coffee drink

_y/n_moved down the bustling street toward the upscale coffee shop. _y/n_ had half begged Aaron that morning to have him come with them in a voice that was laced more with sleep than wakefulness. _y/n_ had sleepily shifted their weight on top of his hips, straddling his body, hand pressing close to his chest. _y/n_ kissed his cheek and neck sloppily with half-closed eyes. Aaron had hummed gently, the sound rumbled in his chest and reverberated through _y/n_’s body. Hotch moved his head to the side and up a little to give her better access to his skin. While _y/n_ kissed him, his hands made their way to _y/n_'s lower back and the other to their left shoulder blade. Hotch put some pressure on these areas, warming them, as he stroked over the warm skin covered by the thin layer of their _y/f/c_ sleeping shirt. After a moment of his soft intimacy, Aaron spoke, saying, “It’s not going to work, _y/n_. I can’t go with you.” _y/n_ pulled back and pouted. They leaned down and kissed his warm lips before pulling back, now more awake after having spent some time against their lover. _y/n_ smiled and asked, “Why can’t you come with me? Just because you have a black thumb doesn’t mean you’ll kill anyone else’s plant.” Aaron chuckled; he knew that wasn���t fully true, but that wasn’t the reason why he couldn’t accompany _y/n_, and Aaron replied, “No it’s not my inability to keep a plant alive, it’s that Jack is coming over and we have soccer in…” Aaron turned his head to look at the clock on the nearby nightstand, he turned back to looking at _y/n_ and finished his sentence with, “two hours.” At hearing this, _y/n_ smiled and placed their head on his chest. Brushing their cheek against the dark hairs growing there. When their head came to rest on his breastbone, Aaron moved his left hand up the nape of _y/n_’s neck and into the base of _y/n_’s hair. He combed through the _s/o/c_’s in a repetitive motion. Sometimes Hotch thought of _y/n_ like a very affectionate cat. The way _y/n_ loved physical intimacy. Not just sexual intimacy, which they also enjoyed very much together, but there was a desire to just be close to Aaron that he hadn’t experienced in years. The last time he had been this open with his body with someone had been in high school with Haley. Back then, he had been seeking comfort for slightly different reasons.

Given the physical abuse he endured during his childhood, the near-daily beatings had left him vulnerable. Weary of touch. Any type of touch, not just intimate touch. When he had seen Haley for the first time, and they had shook hands, it was the first time he had welcomed someone to interact with his body in years. He had come to crave that feeling for her, and the fact that Aaron was so able to give and receive physical touch and intimacy with _y/n_ now was a testament to the healing and growth he had done over the years. _y/n_ never overdid it. They knew he had his limits, and that he could become a bit overwhelmed. It was their mutual understanding of the other that had made their relationship work. That and the fact that they were very open in their communication. If Hotch or _y/n_ did something that upset the other, they took the time to talk it out. Sometimes they had to take a break if the argument was bigger and more personal, but those tiffs were rare, and they managed to compromise. Sometimes, they even found those arguments had strengthened their relationship. Aaron was pulled back to the present as _y/n_ said, “I’m sorry I forgot Jack was coming. Maybe I can go next month, I haven’t seen Jack in what feels like a while.” Aaron moved up and kissed the tip of _y/n_’s nose and replied, “You don’t have to darling. I know you’ve been looking forward to this plant swap for a long time. And, you saw Jack last week, remember? We picked him up and dropped him off at Haley’s.” _y/n_ made a small, disappointed sound. Aaron wrapped his arms around them and said, “Plus, I don’t blame you for not remembering. Haley called me late last night asking if I could watch him. You were already half asleep. Like you are now.” He said the last point in a joking manner. At this point, _y/n_ was fully awake. One of Aaron’s favorite things to do was tease them that they were always tired. They were often yawning at home, but never in the office or field. Also in a teasing manner, _y/n_ picked up one of the pillows near the head of the bed. They gently hit Hotch on the chest, while he used his hands to block the blow. As _y/n_ raised their hands again, Aaron captured their wrists and used his legs and knees to strongly hold _y/n_’s waist. He rolled to his side then so that he was now on top of _y/n_ straddling their body.

The pillow fight was suddenly forgotten as he leaned down and captured _y/n_’s mouth with his own. Aaron intensified the kiss and when they moved apart for air, _y/n_ let out a small gasp. They said, “No fair using your strength against me like that, A.” Aaron smiled, eyes twinkling with a playful desire. Hotch shifted his weight back so his upper thighs were resting against his calves and ankles. _y/n_ moved their arms up to support them. One hand held their weight and the other moved to stroke down their love’s sharp jaw. Hotch said, “I think you should go to your thing. You should have your own hobbies and interests. It’s good for you. And you can always see Jack after practice. Haley asked for us to watch him until 2:00 p.m.” _y/n_ smiled and said, “Okay. I’ll go. But if I have a good time then I am dragging you to it next month. I think you’ll like this coffee shop no matter if plants are involved or not.” Aaron gave _y/n_ one more quick kiss and said, “Of course, love. That’s a promise.”  

         _y/n_ wiggled out from Aaron’s body and he looked at them with affection as they put on pants and moved to the bathroom to get ready for the day. Hotch also got out of bed and moved to the kitchen to get some kind of breakfast and coffee started. After they had eaten, _y/n_ moved to get dressed and grab their bag. They and Aaron had had the “‘Let’s move in together talk together,’ but they were waiting for _y/n_’s lease to end and for Aaron to figure out one legally technical thing on his lease, so even though they spent most nights together at either’s space, they still technically lived separately. One of the things that _y/n_ hadn’t moved over to his place yet was their small house plant collection. It was small now, consisting of only five easy-to-care-for plants. Thus, they were going to need to make a pit stop at their place about a half hour away to pick up their propagation and the Pothos they were hoping to trade with the other plant enthusiasts at the swap. When _y/n_ had everything gathered, they moved and kissed Aaron and asked, “Should I meet you and Jack back here, or did you have plans after practice?” Aaron thought for a moment and said, “Jack’s been asking to go out to pizza recently, so I’ll ask him if he wants to do that today. I’ll text you what he decides.” _y/n_ smiled, nodded, and replied, “Alright, well I look forward to it.” Aaron nodded and stepped forward. He pushed the strap of their shoulder bag back up onto their shoulder, as it had started moving down their arm. He leaned down and kissed the top of _y/n_’s forehead, saying, “Drive safe please.” _y/n_ nodded and as Aaron opened the door for them _y/n_ said “I will. I always do.” 

And that was why _y/n_ was walking to the coffee shop that was hosting its monthly plant swap. _y/n_ had parked down the street given it was a busy part of the city. Ss _y/n_ stepped inside the shop, the interior was perfect for plant people as it looked like a mini greenhouse or even smaller arboretum. The walls and ceilings of glass allowed the soft light of the sun in. _y/n_ set their small plant offerings on one of the shared tables next to a man who had much more impressive plants on show. _y/n_ hoped that there was someone as novice as them at growing plants. _y/n_ wasn’t ready for misters or grow light yet. Right now growing and maintaining the little indoor garden that they didn’t want to think about much more commitment than watering and opening the blinds for an hour or so in the morning. _y/n_ moved to the counter and ordered a _y/f/c/d_. _y/n_ moved back to wait for their order. They took the time to look over the room and see the rest of those holding plants, many of the people here for the swap were already chatting, clearly knowing each other already. _y/n_ didn’t mind this. They were new to the community, only having joined one Facebook group for plant owners in Virginia,  and a Discord server about the care and maintenance of house plants in the North where the sun was less intense and the winters made it hard to keep certain plants alive. When _y/n_’s name was called, they moved to the counter. Just as they got their drink, the doorbell rang and _y/n_ looked over and their eyes went wide. Haley was walking through the door with a bag that appeared to have three plants inside. From the small tips of the growing material that could be seen from the lip of the bag, Haley’s plants were far more impressive than theirs. Haley looked over to the place where you ordered your drinks. As she did this, her eyes met _y/n_’s and Mrs. Hotchner’s eyes similarly went wide. Slightly awkwardly, _y/n_ raised their hand and gave a tentative smile. Haley mimicked their hand movement but didn’t smile per se. Even if Aaron’s ex-wife didn’t smile, there was a soft kindness in Haley’s eyes, and that set _y/n_ at ease. _y/n_ moved back to her spot at the table. It was a few minutes before someone more their speed entered the coffee shop. The woman had bright auburn hair. She wore a long skirt, a gold star belt, and a sleeveless top. The young free spirit was so magnetic that _y/n_ was intrigued. The woman was so different from the stiff shirts that _y/n_ experienced at the bureau that they wanted to just say hello to this person, even if she didn’t have any plants they wanted. 

_y/n_ waited for the woman to get her drink and get settled on one of the communal tables. _y/n_ was very excited to see the woman pull out a healthy-looking snake plant. Internally _y/n_ punched the air, ‘Perfect,’ they thought! This was exactly their speed. _y/n_ grabbed their plant offerings and moved to sit across from the woman. The auburn-haired individual smiled, as _y/n_ sat down and said, “Hi!” The woman’s face was radiant. _y/n_ genuinely smiled back and said, “Hello. I’m so glad to see someone with plants that aren’t over a hundred dollars.” The woman nodded and said, “Tell me about it. You’re the first person to come here who has something I feel comfortable trading with. Are you new to the area? I’m Willow by the way.” _y/n_ extended their hand and said, “_y/n_, _y/l/n_, and to answer your question, I’ve lived here for a few years. I’m just new to the plant world per se.” Willow nodded and replied, “Well welcome. You’ll find most people here are unproblematic. Would you like to swap either a plant or a propagation I’d trade my Chinese Money plant for your Pothos. I don’t have one with those colors yet. It’s very pretty.” _y/n_ thought about it and then agreed to trade their plant for the Chinese Money plant. Willow asked, “So how did you hear about this meet-up? I’m in public relations and I’m always interested in how people come together around a shared hobby.” _y/n_ replied, “Well I got into plants when a friend gave me a pencil cactus as a gift. I really wanted to keep it alive because they were moving across the country for a new job. I had to do research and I found the community. Once my Google search results found out I was into plants now, things started popping up on all my social media, including this plant swap. I was a lurker for a long time, to be honest. It was my partner that encouraged me to finally come today.” Willow smiled at her and said, “We love a supportive partner. Go them. My poor girlfriend keeps half begging me to stop coming here given our house is now overrun with her cats and my plants. Space is at a premium.” _y/n_ giggled at Willow's statement and said, “Thankfully I’m not that deep into the hobby yet, but I know what you mean.” The pair talked for a while longer. Once Willow had finished her matcha latte, she stood and shook _y/n_’s hand saying, I hope to see you again next month! It was a pleasure meeting you.” They smiled back and replied, “Same here, Willow. Thanks for being so nice to me?” The woman flushed just a bit and then moved out of the shop. 

Once Willow was out of the room, _y/n_ felt the hairs on the back of her neck prickled. Like someone was looking at them. _y/n_ had felt this on and off during the twenty-minute conversation they had with Willow. _y/n_ turned her gaze to where they knew Haley was sitting. Haley couldn’t turn her gaze away fast enough for _y/n_ not to catch her staring. Haley blushed a bit, embarrassed for being caught. _y/n_ looked at her phone. It was still only 9:30 p.m. Jack’s practice would have just started fifteen minutes ago. It would go for another two hours. _y/n_ decided to sit and have another drink. She could do that and still catch the last hour or so of the team’s drills and practice game. _y/n_ remembered Aaron’s comments in the morning that they deserved rest and hobbies, even if that was just enjoying a high-quality latte and people-watching. Also, something about Haley being here made them want to stay. Not that _y/n_ was trying to snoop or pry into Aaron’s ex-wife’s life. It was more like a desire to share this space with her. _y/n_ and Haley’s relationship was little. _y/n_ felt that they knew more about Haley than Haley did about them. Given that Aaron was an open communicator, he had detailed their relationship; its rise and eventual fall. What Haley knew about them was unknown. Of course, she knew that they were a part of the BAU. Perhaps because they and Aaron had gotten into a relationship it had felt like rubbing salt in a wound. _y/n_ hoped it wasn’t that way. They and Aaron had both waited a respectful time before they had admitted their feelings for each other. It had all been very proper, per Hotch’s standards as a boss and a gentleman. Being here with Haley felt like a good first step. Even if they didn’t speak at all.

         As _y/n_ sat and watched the ebb and flow of traffic into the coffee shop, they watched as deals and trades were made with some normal and some exotic plants alike. It was a peaceful environment. However, now and then _y/n_ would look over to Haley. Haley was continually looking at her phone and the door. There was a slight look of concern on her face. After another few minutes, _y/n_ couldn’t take it anymore. _y/n_ stood and moved to sit next to Haley, no matter how uncomfortable or awkward the conversation was going to be. _y/n_ couldn’t let this person whom they were close to through Aaron be in distress, even if it seemed minor. Haley looked up at _y/n_ as they sat. She let out a small exhale. _y/n_ looked over Haley once more, the strained look was still there, and they said, “Mrs… Hotchner…” As soon as the title came out, they mentally face-palmed, thinking they should have thought about what to call Aaron’s ex before coming over. However, the words were out there, and they couldn’t take them back. So _y/n_ swallowed and continued, “I couldn’t help but notice you seem upset. Is everything okay? I know you asked Aaron to have Jack last night. Are you alright?” Given the nature of the job, _y/n_’s mind could go to bad places quickly. Partners and even ex-partners of FBI agents could become targets for bad people easily. At their comment, Haley gave a small, almost sad smile as she said, “You profilers man. Nothing escapes you, does it?” _y/n_ didn’t know how to respond to the rhetorical question. Thankfully, Haley filled in the silence, saying, “It’s nothing serious really. I’m waiting for this guy, Richard. He’s kind of a big deal in the plant world. I’ve been courting him on and off for months to come down and swap a small false bird of paradise propagation with me. He finally relented last night, thus the need for Aaron to look after Jack.” There was more to Haley’s words than she was letting on. Her use of the word, “court,” plus the need for her son to be absent at this meeting felt a bit clandestine. If there were romantic intentions, _y/n_ wasn’t going to bring it up. They had no right to comment. After all, they were romantically involved with her ex-husband. After another second, the door clinked open and Haley looked up anticipatorily. Her face lightened. It was clear that ‘Richard’ was with them now. In a moment of almost teenage girlhood insecurity, Haley asked _y/n_, “How do I look?” _y/n_ smiled and replied, “Stunning.” They weren’t lying. _y/n_ could see why Aaron had been attracted to Ms. Haley Hotchner nee Brooks. There was a small smudge of lipgloss just out of the lines of her mouth. _y/n_ pointed it out to her, and Haley said, “Thanks, _y/n_. You’re a lifesaver.” _y/n_ just smiled and moved out of their seat to give the two space. They didn’t stick around after that. It was one thing to be in the same room with Haley, it was another to crash a potential date of hers. It would be like Haley sitting on one of _y/n_’s and Aaron’s date night. The thought made them cringe.

         As _y/n_ drove toward the park where Jack practiced soccer at every other weekend, they reflected on how funny it was that both they and Haley had this shared interest. When _y/n_ had revealed to Aaron that they had a small plant collection, he had asked, “Are you being serious?” For a second _y/n_ thought there might be a serious issue with this. They wondered if Hotch had some rare allergy to house plants or something bizarre like that. However, Aaron had clarified that Haley had also kept houseplants as well. This was when he had also revealed his black thumb to them. Similarly, even though _y/n_ wasn’t hardcore into theaters and musicals, they had friends who were, so they were obliged to know at least three musical lyrics at a time depending on the mood of their good old high school friends. So when Aaron had revealed that he met Haley because of a production of Pirates of Penzance, _y/n_ had naturally said, “Oh Gilbert and Sullivan. That’s cool!” Hotch had been dumbfounded. He’d never, in his life heard of the musical before, and here was _y/n_ with an apparent deep knowledge of the old opera. _y/n_ had reassured him quickly that they hadn’t stalked his early years or anything, just perhaps knew more about the musical and opera scene than most. They had teased him anytime he brought up his musical inability. They would say, “Hey, you were pirate number four, and I’m sure the best pirate number four that ever was. That meant you sang in the chorus of “Major General.” That can’t be easy.” Aaron had blushed at his and said, “Well, I mouthed most of the words, to be honest, and I almost dropped Haley twice during rehearsal and one performance night.” His admission had _y/n_ in stitches on the couch. It was a fond memory for them both. As more good memories flashed before _y/n_ as they drove, they were grateful for having such a kind and loving partner as Aaron.

         When they arrived at the field, _y/n_ sat on the small stands watching the team practice. They kept a special eye on Jack. Aaron had inadvertently made his way to the field and was helping the other middle-aged dad correct and help lead the team. _y/n_ had suggested that he should make it a permanent thing. Talk to the other dad, but Hotch had said he wanted to wait. If Jack showed a serious interest, he would pitch the idea to Greg, the man who was the ‘official’ coach. Aaron didn’t want to pressure his son into a passion or sport unless he wanted to play. He wasn’t going to force Jack to do anything, unlike his father had done with him. Hotch was highly considering it. It would be fun and give his life some stability. It would also mean more built-in quality time with Jack, which in his book, was never going to be a bad thing. Ever. Aaron’s eyes caught movement nearby, and he saw _y/n_ move to a seat on the small bleachers paralleling either side of the field. He smiled at them, and _y/n_ beamed back, giving a small wave as a means of “Hello there, mister.” Hotch tore his eyes away from his love to look at Jack who made a goal. Aaron punched the air and said, “Let’s go, Buddy! That was amazing.” The practice finished; the trio moved to get pizza at a nearby spot. The food was greasy and filling, and _y/n_ asked Jack how he was doing at school and home. Aaron watched as they listened intently to what his son was saying. Like Jack’s commentary was the most important thing in the world to them. When all the slices were consumed, Aaron having helped Jack finish off the crusts of his son’s slice, they all piled into the cars. By this point, it was time for Jack to be taken back to Haley’s. Aaron coordinated with _y/n_ and they agreed to meet back at his place. He would drop off his son, and they would put their new plant at their place before heading back to his apartment. They would decide what they wanted to do with the rest of their afternoon from there.

         An hour or so later, they reconvened at his. They sat on his couch as some random Bowie album played in the background. Aaron kissed the top of _y/n_’s head asking, “So what do you want to do before tonight?” That evening, they had agreed to meet up with Rossi, Derek, and Emily at some new spot for cocktails. That wasn’t until 8:30 p.m., so they still had a few hours to themselves. _y/n_ suggested a small walk around the neighborhood. They loved to look at the architecture of the older buildings in his area. The trees that lined the drives. Those trees were slowly changing color from bright greens to burnt oranges. It was a stark contrast to the brutalist concrete architecture of their own apartment. Block of cinder on blocks of cinder. It certainly wasn’t the main reason they wanted to move in with Aaron, but it was a small one. The aesthetics of his part of town had drawn them in. They knew they had romanticized the area, but how couldn’t they, given the inhabitant at the center of their world? The pair moved outside and onto the drive. Hotch pulled them close. He wrapped an arm around their waist, providing a small intimate touch, as they walked down the street. _y/n_ leaned their head against his side and said, “You’d never believe who I saw at the plant swap today.” Hotch thought about it as they continued to walk. He hedged a guess, saying, “Let’s see. How about Rossi?” There was a pause, and he amended his statement, saying, “No Morgan. It was Morag for sure!” _y/n_ laughed. The throaty sound warmed him from the inside. After a beat, they said, “It was Haley, actually.” This had Aaron stop for a second. He looked down at _y/n_ and he said, “Really?” _y/n_ nodded and said, “Yeah.” Hotch composed himself and he guided them forward again. A lot of thoughts ran through his mind. He finally asked, “Did she seem okay?” Aaron kept up with Haley as much as he thought was respectful. Of course, Jack brought her up often in conversation, and he listened with rapt attention, but other than that, he tried to give her space. It only felt right that he let her build her own life again. That was what she had wanted when she had left him, and he respected that. After a moment, _y/n_ replied, “She seems happy. She was waiting for some bigwig plant person. You never told me she was that good with plants. I’m sure she thought my offerings were a bit pathetic after seeing what she had.” Hotch squeezed their side. It didn’t pass him by that they hadn’t mentioned the gender of the “bigwig,” but he wasn’t going to ask for his ex’s privacy. It wasn’t any of his business anymore. He did, however, address _y/n_’s second comment, saying, “Well, Haley is particular, I’ll say that, but not in a bad way. I’m sure she wouldn’t judge you for trying something new. I bet she was happy to see you.” At this, _y/n_ flushed. It made them feel good to still hear Aaron support his ex-partner. If there had been a resentment between them, Aaron at least had let it go. And given how Haley had reacted that morning to seeing them, it seemed that Haley perhaps felt the same. It was refreshing to see people who had separated still be kind to each other. It meant that love that had faded didn’t mean that that love hadn’t existed. It had been real and that was okay to acknowledge and feel. Sometimes it felt like society and media pushed that love had to be this pulsating, living passionate thing. But often, love moved into hibernation, or it slowed and puttered out. Like a candle blown out by a shaky breath. The flame would fight for life for a moment before being snuffed out. That in a way, was a comfort. Not that _y/n_ saw that happening with them, but it ever did, it was nice to know that he would never slander or bad mouth them behind their back. That had happened to them before, and it wasn’t pleasant. Not at all. They continued to walk and enjoyed this small time together.

         Next month _y/n_ returned to the plant swap. As adamant as Aaron had been about joining her next time, Hotch had been called away from a special lawyer consult. It was yet to be seen if the team would need to join him. Because of the possibility of a new case, _y/n_ was going to enjoy their Saturday while they could. _y/n_ moved back to the now-familiar coffee shop. When they entered, they spotted Willow, and someone they assumed was Willow’s girlfriend. _y/n_ moved closer to her new friends. Willow smiled and introduced their girlfriend to them. The trio chatted for a while. Willow asked, “Hey, I thought you said you were bringing your partner this month. Is everything okay with you two? _y/n_ smiled at their friend’s consideration and good memory. They had said that they were bringing Aaron this month. _y/n_ replied, “We’re all good. Thanks for asking. He got pulled out of town for a work thing. It’s tragic really. Next month for I’m bringing him for sure.” After this, _y/n_ and Willow found some other folks at the meet-up to swap their wares with. As _y/n_ finished her exchange with a young college student horticulturist, the door opened, and Haley entered the room with Jack attached to her hip. The young boy noticed _y/n_ and said her name and waved. _y/n_ waved back and Haley moved toward them. The blond-haired woman sat across from _y/n_ and said, “Hey _y/n_. Could you watch Jack while I get our drinks?’ _y/n_ smiled and nodded, saying, “Yeah of course.” Haley leaned down to be on eye level with her son and asked, “Do you still want hot chocolate?” Jack nodded enthusiastically. Haley softly said, “Okay. I’ll be right back. _y/n_ is going to look after you while I get us some drinks.” _y/n_ asked Jack how his week had been, and the child tiptoed over to her from his seat and climbed onto their lap. _y/n_ smiled down at him as he detailed his last week of school, the new cartoons he had watched, and how his mom let him have pizza, twice because he felt sick on Monday. As Haley returned, they hoped Jack's choice to sit on her lap didn’t make the older woman uncomfortable., but Haley had a small hint of warmth on her face as she made her way back to the table and set Jack’s hot chocolate in front of him. Haley said, “I ordered it at a kid's temp, so he’s good to drink it right now.” _y/n_ nodded, thankful for the clarification. In his quiet, pleading voice, Jack asked, “Is there whipped cream?” _y/n_ looked over to Haley again and she nodded yes. They smiled and with one hand opened the lid of the cup so Jack could get to the whipped cream before it melted into the chocolaty drink. As the young boy was focused solely on his drink, _y/n_ looked at Haley and asked, “So, Mrs. Hotchner, how was it with Richard? Did you get the plant you wanted?” Haley smiled and said, “_y/n_ there’s no need to be so polite. Please just call me Haley. Being called Aaron’s last name is awkward and I know you feel it too.” _y/n_ flushed but nodded, saying, “Alright, Haley.” In being able to use her first name without it being awkward. There was a soft relief in that. 

Haley ended up answering their question saying that Richard had been lovely and that she had gotten the rare propagation she wanted. The woman didn’t go into further detail about the man, but she didn’t need to. _y/n_ could tell from her tone and facial features that there was an attraction between Haley and Richard. _y/n_ was happy for her. They hoped Haley could find someone that would complement her and her life goals. After a moment of silence, Haley asked something she had wondered for a while. She still missed Aaron some nights even though she knew it was for the best for both of them to not be together, but this one small innocuous element of her ex-husband and she asked, “Does Aaron still do that thing where he’s asleep but sleep talking like he’s having a real conversation?” _y/n_’s eyes went wide and they chuckled softly saying, “Yes. Oh my gosh, all the time. He totally thinks he’s having some deep philosophical conversation too. Like, he’s so serious about it.” Hearing this made Haley laugh too and she said, “And he’s just saying random words and phrases. If that. Sometimes it's just those little sounds.” Both adults laughed again, and _y/n_ felt warmed that they could talk like this. That they were forming their own bond. Now that they had opened this channel of conversation, _y/n_ said, “You’ll never believe what he did last week.” Haley easily said, “He killed one of your plants, didn’t he?” _y/n_ not expecting her to guess so quickly and correctly, started to say, “He…” They but themself off as _y/n_ realized that she had answered correctly. _y/n_ said, “Yes actually. How did you know?” Haley smiled and said, “Oh can I tell you about the plants he’s killed of mine? I swear you leave that man alone for a day heck, even a long afternoon, you need to expect a casualty of war. I used to drag him to the plant store and make him buy a replacement plant with his card. Not that our money was separated back then, but it made me feel better. You should have him do that for you too. He’ll pretend that he hates it, but secretly he enjoys it a lot.” There was a short silence after they both chuckled. Jack moved from _y/n_’s lap and back to his mom's. Haley grasped him gently and asked, “Where is he by the way? I guess I thought he might come with you this month.” _y/n_ smiled and said, “He meant to, but a half-case, half-lawyer thing came up in Wyoming. The team’s still waiting to see if we’re going to be called in.” Hearing this, Haley sighed and said, “The job never stops, does it.” _y/n_ nodded in agreement and then the blonde-haired woman said, “You should call him. Let me tell him off for killing your plant.” _y/n_ flushed and stuttered slightly. If Haley wasn’t being so open and friendly they might have thought that she was trying to get Aaron back, but they knew that wasn’t the case. Haley had well and truly moved on from Hotch. _y/n_ thought, ‘What the hell. Why not.” _y/n_ pulled her phone from their back pocket and pulled up speed dial. Aaron answered on the second ring. He didn’t sound tired exactly. Really he just sounded bored. He said, “Hey, honey, what’s up? Is everything okay?” _y/n_ flushed slightly and asked, “Are you busy right? Are you in a meeting? It’s nothing bad, I promise.” There was a pause and Hotch replied, “No, I just got out of one though. This is reminding me of why I left law all over again.” _y/n_ chuckled again and said, “Well I have something to distract you with. Someone wants to talk to you.” _y/n_ handed the phone to Haley. 

Haley took the phone and said, “Hey, Aaron. When you get back from your thing I think you should take _y/n_ to the plant store and get her a replacement. Maybe even a nicer one than the one you managed to kill.” _y/n_ was holding back laughter at Haley’s mock angry tone. In the large corporate law office in Wyoming. Hearing Haley’s voice on the line teasing him was not what he had expected. His brain started trying to pull pieces together, Like where and how _y/n_ and Haley would be together. Why they would be together. His head was still full of legalese it took him a second longer than normal. Finally, he realized it was the weekend of the plant swap, and that _y/n_ had told him Haley had been there last time. He felt warmed from the inside that _y/n_ and Haley had started to bond. It made him feel good. He had rather forgotten that his ex-wife had chastised him. Finally, he came back to his brain and said, “Um…” He stopped himself from saying “Honey,” and continued, “...Haley. I’ll do that. I did apologize, and in my defense, I did everything _y/n_ told me to.” Haley laughed on the other end and was about to say something else but Jack could hear his dad’s voice and asked quietly on the other end, “Is that Daddy?” At hearing Jack, Aaron’s heart pushed in his chest. It felt like honey was being poured over an already sweet orange slice. Aaron had to clear his throat a bit and asked, “Is Jack there? Could you, could you put him on Facetime?” There was a soft shuffling sound and Hotch moved down the hall and moved into an empty meeting room in the law firm. The lights automatically flickered on when he entered the room. The green icon for Facetime flashed and he pressed the allow button. The phone was mostly centered on Jack’s face as Haley held the phone in front of him. Jack was sitting in Haley’s lap and Aaron beamed. He said, “Hey buddy, how are you?” Jack smiled and replied, “Hi Dad. I’m good. Mommy and _y/n_ are here. They got me hot chocolate.” Hotch feigned surprise, like this, was the biggest news in the world, saying, “Really! How was it?” Jack put up five fingers and said, “So good.” Aaron felt incredibly grateful that he hadn’t been in a meeting when _y/n_ had called. Seeing Jack was going to make this whole consult better. He looked at his watch for a second. He was going to need to head back to speak with yet another tax compliance team. Because of this, he said, “Hey, Jack can you have Mom give the phone back to _y/n_? It was so nice seeing you and I’ll call you near bedtime to say goodnight if I’m not busy, okay?” Jack smiled and softly said, “Okay” as Haley handed _y/n_’s phone back to them. _y/n_ gently got up and moved outside to speak with Aaron. They put in headphones in case he needed to say anything about his current job. They spoke for a minute or two and Aaron then said, “I love you so much _y/n_. I’ll keep you updated on the goings on here.” _y/n_ smiled and said, “Love you too, Aaron. Be safe and talk soon.” With that, they ended the call. 

Three days later Aaron came back and the team was whole again. The team went on another case shortly after he got back. It was in Connecticut. It was a kidnapper taking the elderly and holding them for ransom. The unsub had been truly unspectacular. Not that anyone on the team ever wanted a hard case, but in contrast to some of the brain-boggling monsters the team found, the man was just a man. Disturbed and deranged. This kind of case left a different kind of taste in the team's mouths. It reminded them that normal people could be evil as well. It didn’t sit lightly on the shoulders. When the team got back home everyone tried to settle and accept what they had seen. _y/n_ and Aaron had taken a day apart, she needed to water and care for her plants after all. The next day they came over to his place, and they were spending a lazy day together. Aaron had gone on a run while _y/n_ biked beside him in the park and Aaron was taking a shower to rid him of his sweat. While he was washing off, his phone rang. _y/n_ looked at the caller ID and it was Haley. They didn’t answer for him in case it was something private. The call ended and shortly after their own phone rang. It was Haley again. As _y/n_ and Aaron had started dating, Haley had given them her number in case anything came up with Jack and Hotch didn’t answer his phone. After the second plant swap, _y/n_ and Haley had started texting on and off about plants or memes about plants. _y/n_ answered the phone, hoping nothing was wrong with Jack. As _y/n_ answered, they said, “Hey, Haley. What’s up?” The woman let out a breath and said, “I wanted to invite you and Aaron over tomorrow afternoon. My sister Jess is visiting and she hasn’t seen Aaron in a while, and I think you and her will get on well. Also, Jack wants you both here too. We were thinking of getting pizza delivered and watching a movie with Jack?” _y/n_ beamed and said, “That sounds so nice. We don’t have anything planned for tomorrow. I check with Aaron after he gets out of the shower. He or I will call you back once we know.” Haley nodded and said, “Sounds good. I hope you can make it.” A few minutes later Aaron padded out of the shower with a towel wrapped around his waist and his hair still ruggled and dripping. _y/n_ filled him in on the offer and he readily agreed. _y/n_ called Haley back and confirmed and she asked about any allergies that _y/n_ had and they filled her in on their dietary needs. 

The next afternoon Aaron and _y/n_ made it over to Haley’s apartment.  _y/n_ met Jess and they shook hands and started connecting immediately. Aaron gave Haley a hug and picked Jack up into his arms. As _y/n_ and Jess started talking about niche topics Aaron looked over to Haley as if saying, “What have you unleashed here?” And his ex-wife gave a little snort. The pizza arrived and Aaron paid for it. He found Haley alone as everyone grabbed a few slices and moved to the living room to pick a kid's movie to watch. As Aaron got a slice of cheese, he softly said, “Thanks for doing this.” Haley nodded and said, “I’m happy too. It felt right. _y/n_ is good for you.” Hotch blushed and didn’t give a direct reply; he just smiled as they both moved to the couch. Haley was at the far end of the couch, Jess and Jack were in the middle, and _y/n_ and Aaron were on the other end. As the opening credits and happy music of the movie started everyone quieted. Halfway through the film, the paper plates were piled on the coffee table. Jack was asleep, and _y/n_ had their hand on his shoulder. They rested their head on his broad shoulder. They weren’t really paying attention to the film, just enjoying being her like this. Aaron looked over those seated on the couch, he thought about what Haley had said about it feeling right. And in the moment it did. It did feel right. He closed his eyes, rested the top of his head on theirs, and just let things be.

______________________________________________________________

Tag list: @criminalskies @tgskitten @geminitapestry

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"Major General" From the Pirates of Penzance (p.s.) The song gets kinda assault-y at the beginning, but the main song is impressive).

[writings-of-a-hufflepuff]

Even if we never met...

Prompt: “I think I’d miss you even if we never met...” + Kiss to the centre of the palm, wrist cupped,

Character: Charlie Weasley

Notes: This prompt has been sat in my drafts for years but what perfect time to write some Charlie fluff, with a little bit of angst for good measure. Just two idiots in love. Reader is a Hufflepuff because I really can’t help myself, this takes place after the war at Harry and Ginny’s wedding. 

There’s a warmth to Charlie’s arms that never fails to surprise you, like being wrapped in a heated blanket in the middle of winter or the hot press of a hot water bottle against your skin. It’s a comforting warmth that causes you to curl towards his body on the dance floor laid out for Harry and Ginny’s wedding. 

In true fashion Mrs Weasley had truly managed to make the marquis for Harry and Ginny’s wedding feel magical, perhaps that was simply the benefits of being a magical family or maybe it was that Mrs Weasley touch. There was a dimness to the light that felt warm and cozy, the floating warm yellow lights providing enough light but still giving a sense of intimacy and closeness, it reminded you of the Hufflepuff common room, one of your favourite places in the world, a place you missed every day since graduation. The banners of soft chiffon that hung from the ceilings and the enchanted butterflies that drifted through the air created a self-contained environment that felt nothing short of wonderous. 

Charlie had asked for a dance, and it felt like you were dancing two at once. There was the physical dance, the weight of his arm around your waist, the rise and fall of his chest beneath the suit he wore, the tie long forgotten, buttons now undone, and there was the emotional dance. Charlie and you had been toeing the line between friends and lovers ever since his transfer from the reserve in Romania to the newly formed Welsh dragon reserve. His presence had suddenly been so very active in your life again, like it had been when you went to school together, but now you were both adults and things were different. Charlie was beautiful and kind...and he treated you so very tenderly that it was hard to forget that you were just best friends. It felt like you might toe too far over the line, stumble off of a cliff into unknown territory. 

You found yourself torn between actions as he spun you around the dance floor. Did you rest your head on his shoulder? Was it allowed to step closer, to intertwine the fingers of your hand held firmly in his own? Could you look in his eyes or was that too much?

“I can hear the cogs turning in your head from here, trouble.” There’s a faint chuckle riding his voice, a shake of his head at your overthinking. It was so like you to be in your head, rather than just enjoying the moment. 

“I...it’s nothing.” You fix your eyes on a point past his shoulder, eyes focused on where Arthur Weasley had a young Teddy Lupin in his arms, spinning him around for a dance, even though the tot could most definitely not dance the waltz yet. 

Charlie dragged your eyes back to his by the twisting of your joined hands until he had your palm close to his face, you watched on, confusion turning to bashfulness as he pressed a gentle kiss to the inside of your palm, once, then twice. His eyes never left yours. “You know, you can tell me anything right, sweetheart?”

“I...what if...what if I tell you something and it...it ruins our friendship?” You’d been friends since you were 11. You were now 29 years old. 18 years of friendship and the possibility, the fear of ruining it by seeking something he wasn’t prepared to give was so very, very real. 

You’d lost a great deal during the war. Friends, some so very close to you like Nymphadora. Your family, muggles who were hunted down and murdered. To lose what you had left...you weren’t sure you’d survive it. 

“What if I want to ruin our friendship?” another kiss is pressed to the palm of your hand before he twines your fingers tightly together and begins to pull.

“..Charlie?” You’re confusion mounts, you smother a small ember of hope in your chest, even as he pulls you from the dance floor and out into the dark grounds of the Weasley property. Tugging you so fast that at times you find yourself stumbling after him in the dark. 

You follow ever attentive as he drags you towards the pond you’d spent so many summers jumping into and cooling off in. That you’d spent winters skating over, trying to keep your balance. 

You’re pulled to a stop at the edge, Charlie’s hands reaching up to cup your face. You can’t pull your eyes from his deep brown, can’t help but stare at the freckles that cover his skin, the shades and shadows that dance across the facets of his features in the moonlight. You shudder as his thumbs rub softly across your cheeks and you’re hands grasp his wrists, try to ground yourself, try not to hope too much, try to avoid getting your hopes up, only to have them dashed. 

“Charlie..?”

“I think I’d miss you even if we never met...I think i’d wonder what was missing from my life even if I had no memory of you, even if we’d never met...I’d wonder why things don’t feel quite right, why it felt like someone was supposed to be right” the words are punctuated by him pulling you firmly into his arms, tightly wrapping you up, not unkindly but firmly “here. There’s been an empty space, shaped just for you.”

“But...but you’ve never...” You’re mind is whirling, eyes scanning his features, only to find sincerity, and fear, plain and open and terrified that you are going to take his offered heart and crush it firmly in your hands, stamp on it for good measure. 

“I’m not much of a Gryffindor, huh? I’ve been scared to tell you since sixth year, I thought maybe if I didn’t say anything, the feelings would go away, we could just be friends, but I don’t think I can just be friends...I think I was made for you, love. I was made to adore you until the day I die.” Even when he was i Romania, even without your constant presence, you were always on his mind.

There is a long, pregnant pause, a silence that feels so overwhelmingly loud to Charlie as he waits. The longer it goes on the more certain he is that he’s misjudged, that you are going to break him in two, that he is going to be so thoroughly broken by a few words soon to pass from your lips. That your friendship, cultivated over nearly 2 decades is about to come crashing down, smoldering to ash.

“It took you long enough.” You can’t help it, you laugh, baffled and happy and so very pleased as you take a step closer and rest your chin on his chest. Your eyes glisten and it takes him so thoroughly off guard that he’s not sure his brain is even working anymore. 

“Wait...what?”

“I love you too, you absolute idiot! I’ve been waiting for 15 years to hear you say something like that!” All the heartbreak, all the fear, all those years of longing and in the end he had always liked you back...it feels like wasted time, but there’s a relief in knowing you weren’t both so daft as to waste your entire lives. 

There’s a moment, where he buffers like an old computer, brain trying to catch up with the revelation that he is in fact not going to walk away heartbroken. His eyes fliting between yours, mouth agape, his bafflement and sheer bamboozlment made no better by the press of your lips against his own. If anything it completely shuts his brain down for a solid ten seconds, where you worry if you’d crossed some sort of line. 

Until his eyes close as he leans into the kiss, rough, work worn hands curling into your hair and trying to tug you ever closer as your noses bump and lips press. Kissing Charlie feels like home and it is not until Charlie pulls away just a breath and brushes tears from your cheeks that you realise you’d started crying, happy tears, but tears nonetheless. 

“Promise you’re always going to fill that space?”

“Promise, it was made for me afterall.” 

[torchickentacos]

Hi! This might be asking you to play on hard mode, but I really liked your ships as Taylor Swift songs/lyrics and I wondering if you think you could also do Brock/Cilan(I believe they're called opticshipping, idk why tho). I know they only really have that one special that takes place after BW that was never dubbed and they're a rarepair w/ very little content so if you can't or don't want to, that's totally fine.

I'll instead ask you to explain one of your choices. I have half mind to just ask you to go down the list since you seemed so excited and I really want to enable you but I guess I'll just ask: how'd you ended up deciding on the ones you had multiple options like Treacherous for May/Drew over Mine or Sparks Fly? (Unless you've already done that and I missed it sorry, if that's the case.)

(PS I think the one you choose for Ash & Iris is pretty perfect even platonically as someone looking at them platonically lol, I mean they're all pretty good from ones I'm fairly familiar with)

Thanks for your time and sorry if this is too long of an ask.

OK literally how many of you are closet swifties (swiftie is not derogatory here lmao). I have gotten SO many taylor related asks (and I love it!!!) but where are you guys hiding fgsjdfhs. I made that post a while ago and it’s hella fun to revisit it! And NEVER apologize for long asks! I give LONG answers, so you guys can always throw it back at me, I love it!!!! This kind of thing is what keeps me on tumblr, this unapologetic acceptance of getting long-winded with no character limit or cringe shaming to hold me back. Anyways, I answered everything here! Answer under cut. Long, which is why this took me a little while! All takes here are just my opinions, which can be either discussed and swayed or ignored if anyone dislikes them. Ideally the latter. LONG.

First off, I like opticshipping!!! I can’t say I’ve really seen much art or fic for it but I vibe with it! Then again I vibe with pretty much everything that’s like. Morally fine. I’m not picky, I am an appreciater of many things! And opticshipping is one of them! I just KNOW they make eachother the best food.

Anyways, the song for them that I settled on is Lover. Which, basic choice but hear me out!!!

First off, it's a perfect song for just... domestic bliss. It's intimacy at its most casual, it's loving someone and every little trivial minor moment you two spend together. And I think that fits these two! They're very much people who I think would value the small things, like cooking dinner together, nights spent watching movies and sunday mornings cleaning together with the windows wide open. I also considered Sweet Nothing, since it covers that topic-of all anyone wants from you being... nothing. Just you. They don't want your time, your body, your money or your talents. Just YOU.

NOW!!!! as for why I decided on Treacherous for contestshipping instead of the others. THIS IS MY TIME TO SHINE. The two things I've loved since I was seven, contestshipping and Taylor Swift. Call me dedicated or pathetic, either choice is fine by me.

I've spoken before on the push-and-pull of contestshipping. In early AG especially, they have this wonderful dynamic where they're always giving and taking. It's this fascinating dynamic of pushing away with seemingly harsh words that hide support and encouragement and pulling her back with roses and quieter moments where the affection shines through the clouds, it's this push and pull of conversation, this push and pull of figuring out the boundaries of friendship, rivalry, and romanticism. They're never static, there's this sweeping undercurrent, a back and forth. I adore it. When they argue, no one person has all the control. They throw it back at eachother. When they're having a nice moment, it's never static. There's that tension, that wanting to pull closer but not knowing quite how. I think Treacherous really captures that for me. Lyrics below.

Here, we see this mention of wanting to be close but not too close. "put your lips close to mine as long as they don't touch". Trying to keep that safe disatnce while also longing for that closeness. "eye to eye until the gravity's too much". For this line, it really screams contest to me because like. All Drew does half the time in late AG is look at May fondly lmao. Someone made an entire post about it that I cannot find for the life of me. Here's more lyrics.

This just perfectly sums them up to me, especially earlier on. Once they're together I think another song would fit more but for the moments we have in canon, I think this perfectly encapsulates that hesitance, that magnetic pull, the trepidation.

As for the othersongs, I think sparks fly and mine would have fit well, but to be honest I think Treacherous just really captures it in a way the other two don't.

[tiredelirium]

D.4

What is it that closes the gap between strangers to make them more than that? Is it just common ground? Some similar ambitions? Or perhaps a shared pain? It may be all of these aspects combined. I wouldn’t be the one to answer the question.

Perhaps interacting on a daily basis is all it really takes. I feel that was the majority of my early friendships. We were friendly because we went to the same school and that was kinda it. There were very few of them whose homes I visited, who visited my own. Very rarely if ever did I hang around after school, be it primary or secondary.

I had other things to do.

Things to draw. Books to read. Games to play. Shows to watch. Words to write.

Hobbies are hobbies, but to share those hobbies with others is something else entirely. It’s a level of intimacy thats scary to begin. To take that first step of mentioning that thing you do for fun and hoping there’s no judgement from the other side.

That fear stops me from being open and honest. It’s a fear I think I got from having too very loud, very extroverted, older sisters. Trying to speak up was hard, and because they were older they often didn’t seem to care for any opinion you could give them on any subject.

At some point or another, when it seems even the people you should trust most don’t seem to care what you say, you kind of stop trying.

I’ve been told by many people- teachers, friends, strangers -that I’m quiet. My voice is hard to pick up on when I do speak at times. Though I’d like to think i’ve improved in that regard, many times I find myself in the company of my family not trying.

Dejection is an easy trap to fall into. Self doubt is a curse. Everyone’s voice and opinions have weight and should be heard, even the terrible ones. Without hearing those voices, we can’t judge for ourselves what is truly right and what is truly wrong.

We can’t learn and grow as people. I know this. And yet still I feel stagnation. Constant limbo and indecision, and apathy toward improvement.

There are things I want to do. Yet I can’t bring myself to do them.

Motivation is a dawn that blinds and makes you feel like you can’t follow through on the things you want.

When that dawn passes and your sight returns, the distant goal is swallowed by the dark. You don’t know what you were trying to accomplish. You don’t know why you wanted to try so hard. Ambition is a drug that sours in the face of apathy. Passion burns hot enough to hurt you.

What good is a friend when you can’t even befriend yourself?

I don’t know if there’s any point being made in any of these diaries, these journals, these entries, I’m putting together. Maybe someone else can see the things I’m missing, or can find their own answers in the words I type.

One of my favourite songs is romantic and has the line;

“if this warmth disappears, i’ll travel the universe”

Such a lyric could be straightforward, an analogy, a promise, a passing statement, a declaration, or any number of things to any one individual.

To me it’s a wish.

That no matter what transpires, I’ll still be able to go on.

I just wish I weren’t alone, in the end.

[bitchbrisket]

About the appeal of slow living

A boomer and a generation X-er asked me recently why young people have no stamina for dusk til dawn raves like they were, can’t be bothered with sex and drugs anymore and that we’re too young to lose interest in sex. In my opinion, I told them, it’s about slow living. The younger generations have discovered slow living and have redefined it to fit modern life.

I remember on the train from Amsterdam to Paris a few years ago, I sat next to someone around my age or a bit younger who spent the time watching an episode of trashy TV on her iPad while knitting a jumper. She wasn’t even looking down to check the stitches. She knew what she was doing. This young woman is one of many who have discovered how slow living can enhance their lives. We are already working all the hours to make ends meet and like many older millennials, I can’t afford to live on my own and might never be able to. I think that elements of slow living give us control over our lives when everything feels too overwhelming. Baking bread and cake feels like indulgence these days. It gives us a chance to slow down and enjoy the moment.

Slow living isn’t just a cottage core fantasy, it can be a lifeline. People in their 20s and 30s are growing fruits, vegetables and herbs out of necessity and starting to rent plots in the allotment if they can. Clubbing is often being exchanged for a more sedate gathering that gets us home for an early night to be able to switch off sufficiently for a good night’s sleep that we need for work the next day. For me, fitting in an after work drink or dinner makes me feel productive enough when I go home to prepare for the next day, but not frantic, like I have too many things to do and I can’t get it done in time. Fast fashion is declining as people are expressing an interest in knitting, sewing, crocheting their own clothes, cuddly toys and homewares. Some people have even started carpentry courses so they can furnish their home the way they like it. Home made clothes are no longer cheap, they are far more expensive time and cost-wise than ready to wear but the satisfaction it gives to know that making something built to last to use as an everyday item, outweighs everything else. Librarian chic, granny style and androgynous looks are not just trendy, they are now established as everyday styles for the younger generation all over the world.

I think slow living also helps today’s younger generation with redefining sexuality and gender. Once you have a description for who you are and how you feel about your preferences, the first thing you want to do is talk about it with like-minded people. Talking and sharing experiences is such an intimacy. Speaking for women, our first proper experience of intimacy comes from our female friendships. that’s why we are so keen to keep hold of them. The younger generation know as well as anyone that friendships are the best kind of intimacy that will tend to last a lifetime. We insist on celebrating our friendships and prioritising them over disposable interaction and that to me, is clear proof of how slow living positively impacts our lives. More of us are willing to wait for a meaningful connection that doesn’t have to be about sex. Sex is becoming secondary as people realise that intimacy is so much more than that. Some people are waiting for their one and only, some people are waiting for their person for right now at that particular stage of their lives. People in their 20s and 30s are enjoying being single more than ever. And the range of sex toys available means that nobody has to miss out on orgasms, especially if someone has grown up shy about masturbating. I think it’s because adapting elements of slow living to our lives has given us a better sense of individuality, preference and purpose. The younger generation are redefining priorities and happiness and satisfaction more than ever and it looks different to how it used to be. It’s a mix of traditional and contemporary and may it continue.  

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Candy Hearts Letter 2024

Dear Creator,

Thank you SO MUCH for writing for me. I know I’m going to love whatever you come up with! I truly appreciate  the time and effort you are going to put into this. PLEASE do not stress over it; I am really very easy to please and just looking forward to seeing what you come up with. I’ve jotted down some basic prompts here, follow them or don’t--the choice is yours! 

Competency is absolutely my greatest kink. I also have a decent-sized hair kink and love hair-touching/stroking/brushing, etc, as well as any kind of safe touch. I like friendship in love, equal partnerships, ass-kicking females, friends to lovers, grudging respect that becomes not so grudging, fluff and cuteness, light angst, caretaking, cuddling and tender kissing, blanket/bed-sharing in a totally platonic way, all the non-sexual intimacy and tenderness, late-night talks, letters. Tenderly-described safe touch makes me squee. I don’t mind sex so long as it’s consensual between adults, well-written, driven by emotions, and true to character. My favorite AUs are coffee shop and library. 

General Likes: Fluff, angst with a happy or happy-for-now ending, humor, hurt/comfort with comfort emphasis, team bonding, mission fic, casefic, slice of life, missions gone bad, bad missions gone good in unexpected ways. Snowed in, locked in a closet, days off that turn into work days due to unforeseen circumstances, Undercover as a couple, enemies to friends to more, fake dating with sparks flying.

I adore setting detail and good descriptive writing. Fall is absolutely my favorite season--so perfect for walks, crisp air, toasted marshmallows, apple orchard trips, cider and donuts, colorful leaves that crunch underfoot, hay rides, warm drinks, cozy sweaters, knitting, lazy weekends, bonfires (or fires in fireplaces) new pens and notebooks, etc. I also love holidays and celebrations--all of them equally, so whatever feels natural to you and the characters is great. Cultural descriptions and events are fabulous, as well as setting, time period, and seasonal details.

DNW

-D/s relationships

-PWP 

-A/B/O dynamics (I don’t understand how these work) 

-dark/dystopian or supernatural AUs

-kidfic

-rape/non- or dub-con

-underage

-graphic violence

-suicide or self-harm 

-depression, 

-non-canonical character death

Mary Russell Series - Russell & Holmes

The first book in this series is my favorite, so I’d love a pre-marriage casefic. How soon after Holmes met Russell did he know he was dealing with not just a teenager, but a teenager who is in every way his intellectual equal? How much did he miss her when she went away to school? We see one time where Holmes shows up on Russell’s doorstep while she’s at Oxford, but were there others? Did he ever give her a test that involved chasing him from bolt-hole to bolt-hole in London, changing disguises as they went? How much did Mrs. Hudson know of what they got up to, and did she simply shake her head at the strangeness? Did she do anything to temper the way Holmes treated this young woman whom he was suddenly keeping as a pet and protegee? 

Hawkeye (TV) - Clint, Kate, Laura, Yelena

Matt Fraction’s Hawkeye run was my intro to comics and since I started, I haven’t looked back. I also thought that the Hawkeye TV show was damn near perfect. I love Clint and Kate together and how even though they are both completely badass, they always seem to be kind of making things up as they go along and can’t believe this is actually their life, for good or for bad. I imagine that there are not many people whom Kate would allow to be a mentor or teacher or even a father figure and I love Clint in that role, even as often as he rolls his eyes and wonders why and how this is life. I love their chemistry together and the banter, but I’m definitely more friendshippy than shippy about them. If you’re romantic about them, that’s fine, but either include Laura or or pretend she doesn’t exist at all–no cheating, please. 

Speaking of banter, I need the banter of Kate/Yelena like I need air to breathe. I would love something where they are grudgingly forced to work together and somehow it becomes more. I love their badassery and would love to see more of them together. Give me mission/casefic, unwinding and debriefing after a mission, Kate and Yelena babysitting the Barton kids, Clint helping Kate get ready for a date (or feeding Yelena intel about how to woo Kate), Kate making sure that Clint remembers his wife and kids on Valentine’s Day, or really anything with loads of banter.

Lockwood & Co - Lucy, George, Lockwood

I could go on for pages about how sad I am that this show got cancelled. I loved the books and I thought the adaptation was pretty close to perfect. Give me all the casefic with all three of these characters and be as shippy as you want with Lockwood and Lucy. Is there a ghost that’s wreaking havoc on couples who meet through a dating site or app? A Lockwood/Lucy date that gets interrupted by something supernatural? If you include George, please let him be a badass, too.

Thanks so much again, and happy writing!