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pedgito · 4 months ago

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𝐈𝐍 𝐓𝐇𝐄 𝐁𝐀𝐂𝐊𝐒𝐄𝐀𝐓 | Joel Miller x reader

summary | You end up in the backseat of Joel's car, for a few reasons.

author's note | a sequel to drive. sorry the insistent posting, a girl's head is full of words and ideas and they gotta go somewhere. unbeta'd but i went through this five times, i pray there's no typos.

content warning | 18+ MDNI, no outbreak au, girthy age gap (early 20s, late 50s), car troubles, silent yearning, internal conflict, still sad hot grieving dads gone wild, is this real love or a mid-life crisis, teasing, daddy kink, degradation, unprotected piv, eating from the back, the slightest hint of ass play, all of this is definitely bad for his knees, joel is a gentleman first always

word count — 5k

Joel hands you the keys to his car without a single hesitation.

Your eyes widen, still rousing from your sound sleep in an unfamiliar home, an unconventional way to spend your night as you’re standing in front of the man who made you come without a single touch on his behalf.

The shame never surfaces, replaced with a strong surge of confidence.

“Are you sure?”

“Can you drive stick?”

You nod, closing your fingers around the keys placed in your palm.

“I’m sure,” he responds with ease, hair wet from a fresh shower and combed back, dressed in a fresh set of clothes while you’re still stuck in your clothes from the night prior.

You would be lying if you said it didn’t give you a distinct feeling of exhilaration, shaking with a subtle excitement as he follows you closely to his car, slightly hesitant as you adjust yourself in the driver’s side until you’re comfortable, his hand curling around the open window to close the door.

With the early drive, it was clear open roads and the quiet hum of nature, and Joel’s wordless encouragement to enjoy yourself, only driving recklessly enough that it makes your heart race for a moment before you’re reminding yourself that it isn’t your car—as fun as the joy ride is.

“How often do you let strangers drive your car?” you ask as your drive has tripped over the halfway mark and transitioned into more busy streets.

“Strangers? Never,” he tells you, “Pretty girl like you? Also never…well, ‘til now.”

“Careful,” you warn him playfully, patting the steering wheel gently, “I might come back for her,”

“Just her?” There’s a hint of something unrecognizable in his tone, not able to put your finger on it, but you turn to him briefly, a kind smile on your face, utterly relaxed.

“Just her,” you jest, hardly meaning the words, knowing the chances of ever seeing Joel again were slim to none and frankly, you were settled with that fact.

He’d given you a night, healed what had been ruined, and didn’t judge you once.

Joel would be a fond memory, though one you would revisit often.

–

You're engrossingly aware of the watchful eyes as the engine roars into the parking lot of your dorms, slowly and simmering to a low roar as you turn off the ignition and pass the keys into his waiting hand before you reach for the handle, a noise of disapproval coming from Joel’s throat.

You bite your lip to subdue the smile as he exits the car and swiftly jogs to your side, opening the door and lending a hand to help you out, Joel nods politely as you laugh despite your efforts.

“Somethin’ funny?” he asks curiously, leaning gently against the open door.

“It’s just, so…gentlemanly,” And nothing you were used to, always settling for less—it wasn’t what you deserved, you knew that, but your pickings were slim and frankly, it sucked, “—I’m being rude, sorry—thank you.”

Joel goes silent for a moment, his gaze watchful as you shift from foot to foot and adjust your bag and wrinkled clothes, meeting his eyes briefly again with a smile that breathes nervousness.

How the hell was he supposed to admit he wanted more of you?

Fuck it, he was going for it.

“I’m picking you up next weekend,” Joel asserts, your eyes widening with genuine curiosity.

“I’m–oh—okay?” you agree like it was instinct, “I guess I can shift around some plans?”

Not that you had any.

“Perfect,” His charm is unmatched and your initial reaction is to laugh, mostly out of disbelief but there’s a hint of joy in your face as you look at him, “I’m gonna kiss you now, alright?”

You clear your throat habitually and nod, a shaky jerk of your head as the entire world fades away, his palm curving around the side of your neck as he leans into you, a gentle press of your lips.

It was respectful, quick, the moment leaving you before you can even recollect it was happening, eagerly chasing his lips as he parts from you.

“So, now you touch me?”

Joel chuckles lowly, feeling his lips brush yours as he nods.

“S’not how I wanna, but I’ll settle.” The words make you want to melt away, “Next weekend, Saturday. Six in the evenin’, I’ll be waiting here.”

"Six in the evening," you repeat, the words tasting sweet on your lips where Joel’s had just been, laying your words on thick as your fingers drag down his chest. "Is that all, daddy?"

Joel makes a noise, unintelligible but his eyebrow twitches in amusement.

“Cut the shit,” he warns, his thumb and pointer finger rubbing over the tip of your chin as he taps it admonishingly, “Can you give me your number?”

Caught up in the moment, you had nearly forgotten.

“Fuck—yeah, I guess that is a good idea, isn’t it?”

A quick exchange and Joel is on his way, disappearing from view and leaving you with the nothing but wistful feelings inside and judgemental eyes at your back.

And the week crawls by, each day stretching into eternity as Saturday approaches.

You find yourself checking your phone more than usual, a small smile forming whenever Joel's name appears on your screen with some mundane question or comment that somehow feels significant.

As easy as asking how your day was or the wish of a hopeful good one, filling a void that you didn’t realize you were missing, waking up with the expectant text and falling asleep with the promise of hearing from him the next morning.

It’s not supposed to feel this way, especially not with a man like Joel.

He’s troubled, clearly clouded by life. Older, wiser, more experienced.

This was undoubtedly a mid-life crisis, but you couldn’t even feel offended.

It felt fucking amazing, the obvious need in his eyes as he watched your fingers play between your legs, how lustful he looked—it was bound to drive you insane if you let it.

Saturday finally arrives, and you spend an embarrassing amount of time deciding what to wear.

You wanted something casual but alluring, something that says you didn't try too hard. It was the same giddiness that approached with any first date you had, hopeful despite the amount of times you’ve been disappointed. You settle on an outfit that feels right against your skin, something that gives you confidence. And truthfully, easily accessible.

If there was one thing for certain, you were determined to get his hands on you.

Joel arrives two minutes before the hour, hearing him halfway down the block and biting away the amused expression as he pulls to a stop at the stairs that led up to your dorm building, windows rolled down and watching as he reached over the console to open your door from inside, the force of his fingers pushing it open as you quickly take a seat, his arm leaning over your lap to yank the door closed, smelling of a subtle cologne, familiar to the first night you had met him.

"Hi," you say, a little breathless despite your attempt to seem casual.

His eyes catch yours, and there's that smile again—the one that makes your stomach flutter in a way that's both thrilling and terrifying. It's the kind of smile that makes you feel seen, genuinely, rather than the men who look straight through you.

"Hi yourself," Joel replies, his voice low and warm. He doesn't immediately pull away from the car door, his proximity making the small space between you pulsate with tension, "You look nice."

As he shifts the car into drive, his forearm flexes, and you catch yourself staring at the veins mapped beneath his skin, wondering how they'd feel under your fingertips.

The thought sends heat crawling up your neck, aware of his eyes as they trade between the road and you, exploring the exposed skin of your neck and thighs, hands tucked between your legs for warmth but the edges of your skirt rolling up your thigh, looking enticingly indecent.

Joel would get through this date before touching you if it killed him.

But, even you can feel his resolve weakening with each passing minute.

It was unfinished business.

“So, where are you taking me?” you ask curiously, talking gently over the low hum of the radio as he reaches for the dial to lower the volume at the sound of your voice, “Or was this just a ruse to get me alone again?”

Your tongue catches between your teeth in a delicious smirk that makes his insides stir, shaking his head as he neck strains with the turn of his head, your chest presses against the pressure of the seatbelt as you shift in your seat, spreading your legs apart to sit straight, hands curling over the edge of the leather.

The long, winding road you were going down felt like it was stretching on for an eternity, blanketed by trees and overgrown foliage, lit by the headlights of Joel’s car and the quickly setting sun, casting an ominous shadow of his features as he finally chuckles, relieving the tension.

“Those boys never treat you right, do they?” He can see how they’ve tainted your perspective, settling for whatever satiated the moment, even if the sex was lousy and the food was cheap.

“All a girl wants is a nice meal and an orgasm, is that too much to ask for?”

The words flow so innocently Joel has to grip the steering wheel to resist the urge to slide his hand between your thighs and discover just how bad that want is.

As you come around the bend, there’s a strange rattle to the engine that catches both of your attention and a look of disdain and annoyance on Joel's face as he regrettably pulls off to the side of the road.

“She’s out to get me,” Joel swears, the car stalling as he safely pulls off into a shaded area.

“Does this happen a lot?” You ask, feeling a tinge of disappointment at the date going ary, knowing it would be just your luck.

“Only when it’s an inconvenience it feels like,” Joel admits, “S’probably an easy fix, though. Pop the hood for me, sweetheart?”

Joel exits the car and heads toward the trunk, grabbing a few supplies as you reach over the driver’s side and pull the lever, leaving him to catch the sight of your ass in the air as you peer over your shoulder, receiving a dangerous look of warning before he laughs.

“Can I help at all?” You ask innocently, suddenly appearing to pop your head out of the passenger window as he peers around at the sound of your voice.

“You like gettin’ dirty?” Joel asks, not inclined to order you to stay in the car if you were genuinely eager to lend a hand, responding with an enthusiastic nod that has plenty of unaddressed double meanings, not enough time to address them at the moment.

"I'm not afraid of a little grease," you say, stepping out of the car.

The evening air is cool against your skin, a welcome relief from the car's stuffy interior.

Joel's already got the hood propped open, his sleeves rolled up to reveal forearms corded with muscle. You find yourself studying the way his hands move with practiced confidence over the engine, the slight furrow of concentration in his brow. It was all so natural.

"Hand me that wrench?" he asks, pointing to the small toolbox he's placed on the ground.

You crouch beside it, fingers hovering over several tools, fidgeting until you find the correct tool and stand to hand it over, replacing it with the flashlight he offered silently.

“Oh, such a prestigious honor,” you say jokingly, clicking the flashlight with your thumb as you smirk, shining the light over the spot his hands were working at.

“Just hold it steady,” he orders casually, surveying the area until he finds the culprit, or at least what he thinks it could be.

“Yes, sir,” you agree playfully, body pressing against his own purposefully as you invade his space.

Unphased, he effortlessly removes the spark plugs and gives them a quick wipe down with a rag, only appeasing the car enough for the night—hopefully, at least.

He silently reaches for the flashlight and trades the appropriate tool and spark plug into your hand, waiting expectantly with watchful eyes. You hesitate, turning the spark plug over in your palm. It's heavier than it looks, coated in a film of oil that makes your fingers slick.

"You want me to...?" your voice trails off, uncertainty creeping in.

"Put it back where it belongs," Joel says, a hint of amusement coloring his tone. "Don't worry, can't mess it up too bad with me watchin' you."

His confidence is contagious.

You lean in, the scent of motor oil and his subtle cologne mingling in a strangely intoxicating way. Your hands aren't as steady as his, but you manage to position the spark plug correctly, glancing up for approval. It shouldn’t surprise you that his eyes have trailed, the skirt showing a peek of your ass as your bare thighs pressed against the cool metal of his front bumper.

"Now twist it in, gentle but firm," he instructs, his voice dropping lower, eyes locked on the site of your soft thighs and the peek of your panties and your carelessness that you were exposing yourself to him currently, dutiful to your destined task at hand, working through the motion with ease as his voice comes through again, “yeah—just like that, sweetheart.”

"Like this?" you ask, voice deliberately innocent as you twist the spark plug into place, making sure your movements are slow and deliberate. The position is awkward, forcing you to bend further over the engine, your skirt riding up another dangerous inch, shirt following as he glances at the peek of your spine and curses under his breath, gripping a flashlight that was no longer pointed at the engine.

Joel clears his throat, stepping closer under the pretense of supervision.

Your fingers work the spark plug into place with growing confidence, twisting until you feel the satisfying resistance of a proper fit.

"There," you announce, unable to keep the pride from your voice. "How'd I do?"

Your smile is beaming as Joel shuts the hood, peering up at his pensive face as you hear the sound of metal against metal as the flashlight rests against the car, his hand smoothing over your backside to fix your skirt back into place, tongue poking at the inside of your cheek with the gesture.

He was touching you and he hadn’t fully realized it or that he’d broken his own rule.

You don’t dare speak, afraid he might recoil.

"Perfect," he says, his hand lingering just a moment too long against the fabric of your skirt, like he’s trying to convince himself to let you go, "You're a natural."

The compliment heats your skin, though you know it's just a spark plug—nothing complicated.

Still, there's something about the approval in his eyes that makes your stomach flutter.

Aside from that, the feeling of the grease on your fingers is slightly unpleasant, something that Joel notices in your face as he nods toward the backseat, “I’ve got a clean rag in the back, go on and grab it while I start ‘er up,”

You nod and follow his order, hearing the tell-tale roar of the engine and noise of delight from Joel as you lean into the backseat and search the seat for the fabric before coming up blank, squinting to search the dark floorboard as you hand slips, tumbling down with a yelp as Joel is quick to turn the car off, pushing out of the driver’s side and suddenly his hands are at your hips, his knee fitting in beside your thigh as he pulls you back, unable to hold back the laugh at your own clumsiness.

Another touch, the feeling of him crowding behind you sends your mind reeling.

“I can’t fucking find it,” you say with a dramatic sigh, pushing back against his groin from where you’re crouched, acting completely innocent as you blindly pat around for the rag, “Joel, do you see it?”

His hands tighten at your hips, a moment of tension settling between you as your body pressed against his. The innocent search for a rag suddenly feels like anything but—his fingertips are against your hips, squeezing into the flesh and you’re feeling particularly coy.

"It's, uh..." Joel clears his throat, his voice dropping to that gravelly tone that makes your skin prickle with awareness. His hands are warm, one reaching past you to feel on the floor for the fabric, "should be right there under the seat."

You feel him shift behind you, the hard press of denim against the back of your thighs as he stretches to retrieve the rag, fumbling until his fingers catch. The car suddenly feels impossibly small, the air thick with something unspoken.

"Got it," he murmurs, but he doesn't immediately move away.

Sure enough, the blue fabric contracts brightly in the dark, resting in his palm.

He doesn't immediately hand it to you, though.

Instead, he slowly pulls you both upright, your back still to his front, the two of you half-standing in the open doorway of the car, your eyes fixed on your hands as you wipe them clean of any grease or oil, ignorant to the internal battle happening in Joel’s mind as he hovers behind you.

You lean more of your weight to one side, hip cocking out slightly as you lean down momentarily to toss the dirtied rag away, fumbling hastily with your skirt to readjust your clothes.

Joel shifts behind you, and you can feel the tension in his body—restraint barely contained.

His hand returns to your hip, this time with purpose, thumb tracing small circles against the exposed skin where your shirt has ridden up still.

"You're doing that on purpose," he says, voice low and rough against your ear.

It's not a question.

You turn your head slightly, just enough to catch his gaze from the corner of your eye. "Doing what on purpose?"

His jaw is tight, eyes darker than usual as they flick from your face to where his hands rest on your body.

“What is it, Joel?” you ask with innocent curiosity, though you know exactly where his words would land, his actions speaking for themselves, “What’s bothering you?”

“Don’t play clueless, sweetheart,” Joel retorts, “ain’t becoming of you,”

“Last I checked, you barely know me,” you respond with a similar bite, turning to face him now, chest to chest, “frankly, the whole saint act isn’t very attractive when all I have to do is get on my knees and beg for daddy—I mean, should I?”

He’s pensive, neck pulsing as he swallows and you shrug, “Whatever—you’re bandaging up my knees then—”

You start to sink slightly, but his hand catching around the expanse of your throat stills you, gasp slipping from your lips as it pushes the air out, eyes locked with his own, his tone taunting, “Yeah,” he nods slightly, eyes squinting as he deciphers your suddenly meek expression, “you gonna let me fuck you out here? S’fuckin’ pathetic, can’t let me treat you like a lady? Take you on a nice date first?”

“Tell me you don’t want to,” you reply softly, choked up with the pressure on your neck, slackening slightly as you land softly against the side of the car, both of your crowded by the open car door, “like you haven’t been touching me all night, what happened to your rules?”

“Different touches, kiddo,” he smoothly corrects and you nod mockingly, a smile slowly morphing on your face, hand move slowly to palm him over the front of his jeans, hard as fucking rock and warm, fingers curling over the thick waistband with a grin that continues to grow, a semblance of wonder on your face.

“Like this?” you ask, squeezing at his cock and his hand leaves your neck, arms bracketing your head as they curl around the frame of the roof behind your back, watching the careful ascent of your hand as it slides underneath his shirt, curling around his abdomen and your blunt nails digging into the skin, earning a soft grunt, “Or, like that?”

You let the moment linger, trailing touches.

“Fuck me out here,” you plead into his mouth, hand back on his jeans and working them open with deft fingers. You don’t give him time to protest before your palm is under the fabric of his briefs, skin to skin and touching him how you know he wants but won’t ask.

He shifts, breath short and hot. “You’re a piece of work, you know that?” His voice is low, a rumble against your cheek as he leans in closer, like he might kiss you or devour you whole.

Both would be fine.

His mouth crashes into yours, and it’s all teeth and heat, hands mapping your body with a kind of frenzy. “Goddamn,” he mutters roughly, like it’s a revelation. “You’re gonna be the fuckin’ death of me.”

You smile wickedly, arching into his touch, “How do you want me, daddy?”

“Get your ass in the backseat, hands in—,” you move accordingly, giggling at his forceful touch as you lean inside, stopped short of your knee touching the seat as he keeps you upright, fingers curling around the damp, sticky fabric of your panties, glistening as he shifts your skirt up, “and—fuck, there’s my goddamn meal.”

You giggle airly, moving your legs as he drags the fabric down and doesn’t give you any time to react before he’s spearing you open with his tongue, growling into your cunt as he presses you forward, raw hunger in every movement. His grip on your thighs is almost bruising, but you crave it, tangling your fingers in his hair as you reach for him from behind, dragging him closer still.

“Fuck,” he groans into you, voice vibrating through every nerve, “ain’t nobody out here to hear you—wanted this so bad and you’re quiet as a mouse,”

It isn’t purposeful, your moans are soft but genuine, eyes drifting shut as he licks through your pussy, feeling the gentle graze of his tongue over your clit as his fingers dig into your flesh tighter.

“Talk to me, baby,” he encourages, a gentle slap to your ass as he squeezes your cheeks and surprises you with a gentle bite to follow the sting before he’s diving back into your cunt, two fingers alongside his expert tongue, “how’s it feel?”

“So good, daddy—oh, fu—” Two fingers, fully engulfed, walls squeezing tight around him and you’re surprised by the sting of it, thick digits a precursor to his even thicker cock, desperate to have him inside of you, “s—so good, I want you to—tofuckme right h—here, please—please?”

The words spill out, moaning as his fingers curl against a particular spot deep inside of you, vision blurring as your teeth bite into your forearm. It’s overwhelming—too much and not enough. You push back against his face, finding leverage in the chaos of limbs and fabric until his name is spilling from your mouth, coming with a weak moan as he licks through your slick, the deft sound of his jeans shuffling down his hips as he’s pushing you further inside the backseat, ass still raised as one of his knees settle into the cushion.

He moves his mouth up your body, leaving a trail of kisses, hot and wet, sucking at the skin just above the waistline of your skirt before straightening up enough to pull it off you completely.

The car cocooned with heat and want, both of you desperate to touch now that Joel’s resolve has disappeared, encouraged by your unabashed need, he’s still finding himself hesitant.

“Don’t worry,” you quell, reaching for the hand tight at your thigh, turning your head back to catch sight of him, his eyes roaming the expanse of your body “I’m clean—safe, it’s not like you have to worry about—”

“M’not,” he chuckles slightly, “I’ve been outta commission for a while—just...wonderin’ if you’re sure about this, don’t want you think I’m just preyin’ on you—”

You shrug, indifferent but your laugh is breathless, high with anticipation and impatience. “I’m preying on you, Joel,” you say. “Now please—”

The words hang between you, a palpable plea that dissolves his resistance and has him settling into you from behind, the weight and press of his hips and hands a burning promise.

He pushes forward slowly at first, teasing your entrance with shallow nudges, driving you wild until there isn't any more space between your bodies and he’s fully sheathed inside of you.

“Oh, fuck,” you gasp, every inch of him thick and pulsing as pleasure overtakes the sting from earlier, Joel makes a choked noise as if to return the sentiment.

“Christ,” he groans through gritted teeth, both hands finding leverage at your hips as he thrusts into you hard and fast, setting a dizzying pace.

It makes your brain melt, any rational thought disappearing as you moan lewdly into the cushion of his backseat, shifting with every sharp thrust, fingertips pressing into the interior of the other door to meet Joel’s eager, forceful thrusts as you push back.

“Fuck, you’re tight, honey,” he mutters, the words a low rasp in your ear as his rhythm grows more frantic, desperate. His grip tightens on you, pulling you closer with each stroke until it feels like your bodies might combine.

You writhe beneath him, desperate for more— the friction, the heat, the way he fills you completely, satisfyingly so. “Don’t stop, daddy,” you plead, and it’s not even a coherent thought anymore, just a raw need that spills out between gasps and broken, pathetic whimpers.

He makes a sound halfway between a grunt and a laugh as he obliges, hips snapping against yours as he pistons into you with an urgency that leaves you breathless. It’s brutal but perfect, the windows fogging up around you as the car rocks under the force of him.

His voice is distant as he speaks, but somehow entirely overwhelming, “Knew you wore this for a reason,” His grip on the fabric of your skirt is tight, pushed out of the way to get a clear view of your cunt as it sucks him in, “beggin’ daddy to look up your skirt, weren’t ya?”

You nod weakly, gasping as he thrusts into you pointedly, somehow more forceful, “You’re makin’ it real hard to be a gentleman ‘round you, baby—use your fuckin’ words.”

“Yes, f—yes, I was,” you whine softly, his thumb grazing over your puckered hole, a soft test of your limits.

“Was what?” he growls, voice thick with hunger. He grips your hips even harder, angling up to hit the sensitive spot that makes your vision blur with each stroke.

The sensation is overwhelming, bordering on too much but just as it nears, Joel yanks you back from the edge and pulls out, swiftly guiding you onto your back, squeezing into the backseat with you enough that he can easily slot himself back between your legs and push inside, this time slow and deliberate.

“I wanted—to, oh—to t—tease you, daddy,” you admit, “I’m s—sorry.”

Joel chuckles at that, a satisfied nod as he guides your hand up around the back of his neck, his hand finding the small of your back and angling you up slightly, “You’re gonna look at me when I’m fuckin’ you senseless,” Joel demands against your mouth before sealing it with a feverish kiss.

You feel weightless as he pounds into you, gripping tight at the back of his neck as your lips part, moaning into his mouth as he swallows up your cries with his tongue, “This what you want?” Joel breathes, his warm breath mingling with yours. “You want daddy to fuck you until you cry?”

You nod frantically, clenching down around his cock in response.

“Let me fuckin’ hear it,” he orders, his own grunts becoming more frequent, restraint waning.

“Yes—yes, daddy, please,” you say softly, weak as the sensation of his fingers fit between your body, his fingers dragging over your clit and circling the sensitive bundle of nerves with a practiced precision that you’ve never felt before.

“Then fuckin’ take it, baby” he growls, grinding against you with a relentless rhythm that has you seeing stars, eyes prickling with tears as your orgasm crests unexpectedly, your voice pitching high as you cry out Joel’s name. He groans as you tighten around him, his thrusts jerky, close to losing it completely.

“Fuck,” he hisses, and you watch his eyes roll back, jaw going slack as he comes hot and thick inside of you. He groans deep in his chest, slamming into you one last time before collapsing against you, bodies slick with sweat.

His breath is hot against your neck, and he gives a final shudder before pulling back slightly, still buried inside you. There’s a beat of silence as you both catch your breath before you’re giggling softly against his ear where he’s slumped against you and he huffs a weak chuckle of his own, pressing a gentle kiss to your temple.

“Shit,” Joel mutters, voice teasing but edged with something real, something raw that makes your heart skip a little too fast under your ribs as he pulls out of you, a devastating loss. “I think you’re tryin’ to kill my old ass,”

You shrug once more, “A beautiful way to go, don’t you think?”

His hand is gentle now as he nods with a smile, skimming down the side of your body as his eyes meet yours, “I hope you’re still hungry,”

“Starving,” you respond in a sultry tone as Joel makes a face, amused but unimpressed by your antics, “Yes—I am,” You try again, clearing your throat, “hungry.”

“Like I said, a piece of work,” he laughs, shaking his head at you, and you feel that warmth blooming in your chest again, “c’mon—get in the front.”

You scramble slightly, watching as he readjusted his jeans and you search for your discarded underwear, luckily finding it with little issue as it was tucked between the crack of the seat.

“Can…I drive the rest of the way?” you ask sheepishly and Joel’s eyes crinkle at the edges with a subtle grin before he’s tossing you the keys.

“Careful with her, probably gonna have to give her a tune up over the weekend,” he tells you, fixing the button on his jeans.

“Need any help?” you ask eagerly, walking backwards toward the driver’s side.

“From you?” he asks in a teasing tone, “Of course, sweetheart."

#joel miller #joel miller x reader #joel miller x you #joel miller smut #the last of us #the last of us fic #pedro pascal #joel miller fic #joel miller fanfiction #my writing #fic: drive #fic: in the backseat

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inthelibrarybtw · 6 months ago

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you want me to pretend? | r.c

You really hated lies, but a tiny one might not seem so bad when it's meant for a good cause. Parents teach their children not to lie but sometimes to make others happy people lie so you did and it came back to bite you in the ass. It was never your plan to let it go so far; those three hours weren’t supposed to change everything as much as they did. It became more than lying, it became keeping things from the people you cared about the most and dealing with them on your own. Isn’t it funny how fate likes to stir things up? maybe a lie was all that was needed to make the truth come out.

pairing: college!basketball!captain!rafe x college!student!reader content: fake dating, secret pining, forced proximity, smau/irl, fluff, slow burn

important!! I adapted my own story to write this fic, my OC's Nathan and Avery are the ones I based reader's and rafe's personalities from. Since I adapted my story, this is an AU where there will be major changes, mainly in the Cameron family, this to fit the storyline better. I don't want to say what are the changes just know Rafe has good and present parents.

get to know: college!student!reader | college!basketball!captain!rafe

chapters: 01 | 02 | 03 | 04 | 05 | 06 | 07 | 08 | 09 | 10 | 11 | 12 | 13 | 14 | 15 | 16 | 17 | 18 | 19 | 20 | more soon

PLAYLIST

COMMUNITY

authors note: @zyafics thank you for letting me rant my thoughts away to figure the timeline out and for making HB:L because it gave me a new perspective on how I could tell some parts of their story, fun fact this was actually the first fic i planned on posting but I was struggling on how to make it but i kept playing around it for a while until i felt happy with it

taglist: i have taglists for each fic and a side blog to get updates on everything i write @inthelibrarybtw-notifs if you want to be added send an ask or comment! :)

REBLOGS, COMMENTS AND LIKES ARE ALWAYS WELCOMED

INTHELIBRARYBTW ✧.*

#writinginthelibrary #YWMTP?#rafe cameron #rafe cameron x reader #college au #rafe fluff #college!student!reader #college!basketball!captain!rafe #rafe x reader #rafe fic #rafe cameron fluff

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grotesquevi · 1 month ago

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18+ minors and men do not interact, smut with a lot of plot and tons of fluff, modern au, drunk making-out, strap-on use, mutual and private masturbation (yikes) my girl here is on a yearning journey, friends-to-lovers trope, mentions of drugs and alcohol, bit voyeurism if you blink and try to hide the sun with your finger, descriptions of blood and injuries, might write an epilogue following this pardon my french im weak. wc: 12.5k

side note # this was a three-part series i made for my previous blog vicorices when reaching 800 followers, (the blog's terminated by tumblr out of nowhere if you're confused) — there's an ellie and sevika version too connected with the same site and the same cam!girl user, it's listed bellow but you take a look at the directory if you want to.

‎‎‎‎‎ ㅤㅤ ㅤㅤ ㅤㅤ now that you’re here? check out ㅤㅤ ㅤㅤ ㅤㅤ ㅤㅤ ㅤㅤ ㅤㅤ ㅤㅤ z_vika's or spacemoth's file.

violet vanderson's having the worst week of her life when powder's parking the car in front of her new apartment.

first she loses this big fight she's been killing herself for: a black eye, broken rib, humiliated to the point she don't ever want to step foot in the pit club anymore, and then, like it's already not enough, her tiny apartment floods with this nasty water and she's told she's surrounded by mold and not only a broken pipe, so she has to move before her lugs get more fucked than they already are.

misery loves her it seems, and luck was never on her side, clearly. not even when her sister seemed to have this optimistic cloud that followed her and tried to spread everywhere, cause it seems vi only carried the opposite: a dark, thunder cloud that made her grumpy as she thought about how much she loved what it used to be her apartment, the late night beers she tossed to the trash can like a personal contest, the endless mornings with a killer headache.

oh bittersweet nostalgia.

this place's different. falling apart. the chinese food smell leaks through the thick walls since there's a restaurant right next to the building and a huge stain in the ceiling right beneath her bed she don't want to inspect any further, afraid of the outcome as her sister's playful banter fill out the space.

"i think it's a really nice place, you're being dramatic since friday night" powder points out when opening the window, allowing the air to enter a room that seemed hermetically closed for too long — "cheer up cherry cake. a new place is always an awesome chance to re-start, the sunlight's much better here, and you have takeout food literally in the same block."

"easy to say when most of your clothes don't smell like a swamp" at least 70% of her belongings now hold this funny smell of humidity she despises, carrying more cardboard boxes from outside back to her new apartment — “the whole place smells like orange chicken, you know i like orange chicken right? it will make me sick in a week."

"well, i think this place will grow on you in a week" the blue-haired correct her words, "orange chicken or not. it's bigger than your last apartment and i tell you vi- seems better, you need to trust my vision."

the problem here is her powder has the attention span of a sardine, cause when she hears the door closing right next to her big sis place, she's running outside with a bright smile before vi can even try to stop her, quickly jumping across the boxes on the floor to instead, jump out in front of you, making you flinch as you seemed distracted by your phone.

"hiya, new neighbor" it takes you out of your bubble, making you pull out the earbud from your left ear as you accept her expecting hand, energetically shaking yours as she speaks again — "powder here. that's my sister vi. she's moving in today."

"hey," you greet them trying to be kind even when you're not really interested, "welcome to this shit-hole."

funny. pulls out a silent laugh from vi's lips as they curl into a smirk paying more attention to you: does she knows you from somewhere?

"seems like you two are neighbors" as far as powder's trying to see on the bright side, her plans are now failing miserably as you cement her casket calling the complex a shit-hole, and she has to awkwardly stop shaking your hand when realizing she's been doing it for too long "it's really nice to meet you- isn't it vi?"

tell her. fucking tell her it's nice to meet her you grumpy dog.

vi can almost hear her sister's words when nodding, adding some more to her pleasure only so she wont give her some unsolicited pep talk later — "yeah. nice."

it's something, makes her satisfied as your eyes dart around the apartment complex right next to your door, pretty similar to yours. the clean spaces and the boxes piling right over the other before you're taking in the sight of your new neighbor for a quick moment.

"good luck with the mess, vi" you reply, shoving your phone back in the pocket of your jacket as she can hear what you're listening to from the sound leaking out of the earbud "see you two around."

she don’t want to say she may know you out loud, cause she know powder’s going to be feral about it: where exactly did she know you from? she don't have an answer.

before her brain even starts to work, you disappear by pulling the tiny headphone back in your ear, moving your head to the rhythm of the music as you go down the stairs and vi's really thankful about pow-pow's life choices, cause she has the decency to wait for you to disappear before finally saying:

"holy shit, she's cool as fuck, did you see that?"

"yes, i did see that" she replies — maybe too grumpy, maybe too focused on her own anger of having to move out; you're pretty yes, but she has serious stuff to focus on and zero time to flirt, so vi looks at her sister, unfazed. "she's good, can we go back to you helping me organizing now? i need your help."

"boring, there's no need to take the fun out of everything you know?"

and vi might be too busy in that moment, but she has plenty of time to think about you the week after, when she's finally getting rid of the boxes and she's going back to the usual routine she keeps before the chaos, the three-hour sessions in the gym and the fights during the weekend; even when her ego's bruised.

where did she see you before? man, why is it so hard to remember?

the days go on by, and vi finds herself getting interested in you since she can't shake this feeling of knowing you from somewhere, not really catching on where exactly, but there in her stomach as she tries to have an answer to her thoughts: was it the lesbian bar? were you a bartender somewhere she has no memory of? a celebration after winning? she passes out most of the time, it would make much sense she don't fully remember you.

and it’s weird, cause by the days, she grows curious about it. starts like a breeze on a summer morning, slowly and barely there when she encounters you right in the hallway, usually listening your music with a big hoodie on. chaotic hair, you say hi just because she's saying it first, brushing off her existence as you rush somewhere else — every night.

maybe you're a dj? you have this look that goes with it.

frustrates her since she cannot wrap her finger about it, and she don't want to talk it with anyone else either, not powder, not her friends nor any neighbor from the complex even when she could ask on the most subtle way she can, not when they’re already making so many efforts in winning the new inquiline's heart.

7A baked her a bunch of chocolate cookies she's been chewing when she's suffering from muchies fever after smoking, 8B happens to have the biggest record collection in runeterra, 9D has at least three cats, and vi's already getting attached to the orange one that loves to sunbath in her window, so even as she tries to be this loner in the world — vi's sucked, inevitably into a welcoming community that does not waste time in making her feel welcomed.

by the second week she's being officially invited to this grill on her name, one scheduled for friday noon, and she cannot say no, cannot possibly think about rejecting the kindest old lady from 5C who's so lovely to give her a paper with all the information printed as she kisses her cheek with with pink lipstick since vi reminded her of her daughter: happy. people is happy she's living in the same apartment complex.

that's new.

she has no soul to reject it. in fact, makes her feel warm even to the thought of it — did you take part in this too? it says it's organized by the whole community. that includes her nonchalant girl next door.

friday. her curiosity stays on top even when it's monday, when she's fucking rotting in bed, holding her phone in her right hand as she scrolls through twitter publications; a silent like, a bookmark on important information until she comes across this video.

it takes her time to snap out of it, when she's staring at the image and she's blushing to the point she needed to lock her phone and toss it to the floor without caring if it breaks more than it already is.

and it hits her all sudden, no you aren’t a dj. the girl in the video — this, sex tape, getting absolutely railed in the mattress, censored in all the important places, blabbering mess, hair sticky to the face.

it's fucking you.

now, vi's not a big fan of porn.

tries to avoid it as much as possible since it feels distant. weird. fake.

it's not a surprise when she refuses to see the video that popped up even when the image's already plastered in her mind, hanging like a damn poster in the middle of her thoughts vi cannot avoid as much as she tries to do so — she can recognize your face, the hair, the curve of your jaw, your neck and fuck.

feels forbidden. like a fine line she wishes not to cross. it's something personal even if it's public, belongs to you and she's quick to pretend she didn't see anything even when it's all she's thinking about lately.

vi has to wrap her mind about it for a day or two: you make gay porn. she may have seen a video ages ago and that's why she's recognizing you, memories her mind must have block for now since she don't remember any of it, not knowing how she feels about it: does she want to remember?

no. it’s not right. it's downright shameful to remember your face because she saw something even if it was ages ago, makes her blush, so by friday? vi swears to herself she's fucking forgetting it all. no matter how.

so in response she's avoiding you to the point her polite salutations stops to instead, just give you a bare side-eye look whenever she encounters you getting out of your place, switching her workout routine an hour before usual since it seems you get out when she’s arriving home, and it works. works because vi don't think about it, even she wants to use twitter and she's reminded from her brain directly: do not fucking do it.

works until friday at least. friday. damn friday.

she thinks she got it all figured out by then, excited as she goes to the rooftop, freshly showered, ready to pull out this social personality vi lacks off since she wishes to fit in, be welcomed in a new place as nice as she's been greeted by now.

so the pit fighter's talking to everyone by the first hour, presented to so many people vi cannot remember anyone’s name as she drinks from a cold beer and eat hotdogs. even when most of the community are elders, she's happy to offer her help to the old lady from 5C to install her brand new tv, and officially let sunshine, the orange cat, take naps on her window with her owner’s permission.

she's pretty fine until you came into the picture, carrying this strawberry pie she looks at for a moment as you're chatting with the neighbors so tenderly vi cannot help but feel a cruel pang of jealousy in her stomach: jealous of 80-years-old since they seem worthy of this smile she catches on even from where she is seated, this warmth when she can’t even get a single hey, losing the thread of the conversation she's having already.

sundresses are made to kill. it's their only purpose in life as you're chuckling at the other side of the rooftop and vi needs to make a real effort to go back to the conversation she's submersed in before you came to ruin it all, scratching the back of her head while begging to not seem so utterly distracted.

you've always been this beautiful? is it an crush disguised as burden curiosity?

she notices when you're asking for her, leaving the pie in the table before approaching and vi's stiffening in response, in a slutty tank top she kinds of regret now, pretending to be too invested in the conversation before feeling your presence hovering, standing right next to her.

"hi," you say trying to get her attention before smiling to the rest of the group — "vi, right? i live in 3B, we've crossed in the hallways. i talked to your sister before? blue hair and space buns.”

you talk like vi would not remember you, like powder didn't make you stop out of nowhere; as if she would forget about the image of the video pushing back into her brain and she has to kick herself for it: disres-fucking-pectful.

“yes, my sister- powder” and vi tries to be casual as she drinks from the beer bottle, the strong taste being a reminder of keeping her cool alive while it lasted “she was helping me move.”

"yeah, seems really cool" she makes a mental note on saying the compliment back to her sister, and you're good on making her forget about the rest of the people, about the left conversation she gave up midway— "i'm sorry for not being very polite before" you say, and she's furrowing her brows at the words. "been a really shitty neighbor.”

"well not really," vi states, thoughtfully "you always put music too late in the night, but i'm really willing to see past through it if you're saying sorry."

so you give her this smile she got fond of suddenly and it's enough to make her eyes narrow and know, like a vision from the future, you'll mean nothing but trouble, trouble there as you there stand in her view, hair slightly messy from the wind.

"it's on low volume, you cannot possibly hear," you try to defend your case, annoying cause vi already know she’s going to let you win anyway, "i make sure of it."

"i'm just kidding, you don't need to say sorry" you're not a bad neighbor, all jokes aside she didn't expected to be welcomed in such an active community of people, the cold treatment being something she found usual; before them, she barely even talked to their own neighbors herself "you're good. your loud music is fine, i can live with it."

she's such an idiot. so lame around pretty woman.

"are you enjoying the place so far?"

"well, if you don't count the smell, it's very nice."

"i know," you chuckle, and vi’s liking this whole making-you-laugh thing so far, "most of the inquilines here don't really have sense of smell at this point, so it's useless to try and fix it, been there already."

"shit, i know. we must be the youngest people here" — "sides knuckles, clearly."

"he's twelve," you shake your head while looking at the little kid who lives in 9E with an old couple who's daughter died years ago "doesn't count, i know for a fact he loves the smell since he's always hungry."

and for once, vi's glad she's never seen any video. even when blatantly lusting over your face.

she doesn't want to be weird with you. not when you live next door. when you both share a damn wall, when you're funny; not in a way i-will-seduce-you-somehow funny, but in a sense of i-can-be-your-friend, and not a damn pervert.

"they are good people though. you'll learn to forget about the smell and you wont feel it anymore after a while," you try to stay positive as you’re stuck in the same place that she is "it would be worst if we had something like fried chicken and french fries. that sticks to everything. the food’s good anyways, have you tried it already?"

"not really, you've been here for a while?"

"a year or so," you try to recall the exact date — "they threw a party for me too, it's like a tradition. the last inquiline in 3A wasn't really nice as you are."

well shit, that was a smooth compliment, and vi’s stuck on it for a minute or two as her fingers tighten around the glass bottle she’s holding.

“damn, and i was already feeling special, think you just shattered my heart” there it is again. that laugh that fills out the space for at least three seconds “they gave you hotdogs too? they’re really clever with this, keeping the people in like a cult.”

“we were on a better budget back then an went with burgers,” you reply “don’t take it personal, if it counts, i think the hotdogs taste better.”

so shit. it feels like it would be way easier if you were an absolute bitch and not a kind girl who laughs about every corny joke she's doing, if you didn't look so beautiful as the sun comes down leaving this trace of messy colors behind, clouds submerged in an orange, purple and red color that seems surreal for a moment: did she drink too much beer? impossible.

she doesn't feel dizzy when she's talking to you for the next hours, telling you about the pit fight and her constant failure of boxing career since friday night, oversharing about the broken pipe as you seem invested in hearing what brought her there, pressing your lips in a tight line when mentioning the mold and dying by poisoning.

"you won't die for mold," you reply holding the laugh in "you may have gone a little crazy, some lung issues and such, i'd stick with the orange chicken if i were you."

"well fine, laugh all you want to."

how she's not going to want it? how does violet make herself less interested in getting to know you? by the end of the grill, going down the stairs with you by her side she knows, deep down it's there as a not-so-hidden secret: just like her, you too need a friend, and you're not going to make it easy for her.

violet vanderson knows how to behave.

she can handle a conversation on her own, the way your eyes sometimes linger on her arms as you spend more time back in her place invading her almost every day since the grill, can deal with your comfy looks when no one but her is looking, a new found confidence you share after always knocking her door in a funny pajama pants she laughs at.

vi can even deal with your subtle way of flirting, the same way she don't know if you're actually messing with her or not since it's not a fucking surprise she's developing this huge thing for you, on how her stomach revolves every time she think about the photo she saw on what feels are ages ago.

it has only happen once — twice. but it's not like she's doing it on purpose, like she can help it as her hand goes down her pants and she has to muffle the sound of her own moans with a hand pressing over her parted lips since the walls are thin and she's sure you can listen.

it's a slip anyway, guilt pours over her when she's rubbing on her clit and vi's too deep in her mind, in the constricted face of pleasure you have, your parted lips, full of damn sin. man. fuck hotdozed.

and her fingers itch in need to take her phone and see every fucking video on the page. her irrational part that pulls her on being an asshole overshadowed every single time as she won't even look at her phone in response: she don't want that image of you, that commercial side, no. violet's greedy enough to want the privacy of you, the part you don't let anyone see.

so she allows it to happen for just ten minutes, so wet the arousal coat her underwear, soaked when drool covers her hand and she's fucking herself with the thought of you, your blue sundress, the way you looked and it's enough to make a mess, to curse out loud when she noticed how she didn't put a towel beneath to the point she has to ditch her sheets to the floor, too lazy to change them as she sleeps wrapped in a wool blanket.

friends.

vi's trying hard to be friends. even when she's masturbating in silence fueled by pure imagination, trying to be good as her damn libido seems already over the top, she tries to be this friend you need when you're outside her door with takeout food smelling much better than the pasta she cooked and vi is falling again, cause just like every moment during that week, she's willingly letting you spend some time with her, get closer.

"you don't have to go out tonight?" she asks, sinking in the sofa. after smoking a joint, it seems like the cushions are engulfing her entirely as she shoves more orange chicken from the place she has slowly learned to love; turns out they have special prices for residents and they are good as fuck.

"no" you reply shaking your head "i don't have classes on wednesday."

"classes?" she cannot contain the curiosity when it slips away from her lips, weed made her bolder clearly, but since you've been hanging out with her so much, maybe vi has gained certain privilege in finally asking some questions — "you study overnight?"

"yeah, doing a physics major" you admit, reaching the shrimpy rice box you so happily eat from, like that didn't satisfied part of the hungry monster inhabiting vi's body, thirsty for any kind of information she can get.

"so you're like a huge nerd" the fighter teases, and it's annoying cause it only makes her brain completely stop for a moment like a warning she don't listen to, always too deep in her own needs "that's why you whined about watching twisters the other day?"

"please the movie is plain shit, you just wanted to see the actress."

"pretty sure that's the whole point, the movie being bad. passable bad."

behave. for the first month violet behaves — powder was right even when she don't want to admit it out loud: the place did grew out on her, the mornings when sunshine was meowing outside her apartment, scratching the lower part of the front door until she has to open, enjoying a cup of coffee while rubbing on the cat's belly; the people, the cat, her girl next door.

you spend your free nights with her without a previous need of invitation, invite her to cool places she's never been before and it's hard to not be wishing to become one with you, make you part of her skin and carry you with her. vi becomes aware now of the details and it's dangerous; knowing your favorite color, your favorite dish and the music you like when you shared your playlist and allowed her permission to add music she thought you'd like; dangerous cause she wants to keep getting closer even when knowing you have your guard up in letting people too close.

it's becoming a routine lately, like a strange and comfortable company you two keep on each other while being friends, without any pressure or need to fit in. you're too close and it's easy, easy to let you slip in her life like you were made for it, with strange movie choices and a tendency to follow recipes you find online with vi having to intervene before it's a total disaster.

paradise that come to sad endings.

"what do you mean you're moving out?" heaven has it expiratory date written in the back, must have known it when you dropped the bomb after you're there, fucking using her living room like an study spot, talking about formulas vi don't get at all since you have this huge test in a couple of days.

"been saving a lot of money from work, and i can afford something better," you admit, leaving your flash cards on the floor as you look up to the sofa where she's installed, her blue eyes already making the skin of your face burn when looking at you with the intensity she's pawning — "bigger y'know? that don't smell like food all the time."

"i'm glad for you" lies. partly anyway, cause she's glad you're doing better, but not having you close as in just a few steps away? makes her heart falter for a moment, a phantom feeling settling on her stomach, adding weight to her form as she pulls out this fake smile from her ass she don't really mean to, one you don't really catch on when your eyes light up to the comment, ruins "when are you moving? maybe i can help you out-"

"at least three more weeks, i want everything to be in order, i cant leave without a grill celebration either" you reply thoughtfully before checking on your phone calendar "we can go out to celebrate i survived my exam. i mean, if you want to."

"you want to celebrate that with me?"

it hits right on the spot, a knock out she'd be pleased to give in the arena, painted in black makeup, sweating and spitting blood to the floor, but now? it catches her off guard too, your reaction to her words, the subtle nervousness in your voice when speaking again, made her mouth dry as you try to make up excuses, something decent to say more than the fact that you want her around.

"yeah if you want it too, been bugging you this whole week with this, you deserve a night out, my treat."

"gonna be your sugar baby for the night, huh?" in reality, vi's her own very enemy when she's blushing at her own words before changing on the subject: she's flirting over and over again without any intentions to stop "can't say no when you put it out like that, m'am" — "when is it anyway? two more days?"

"two more days. in fact, thanks for adding to my stress."

well, she's knee-fucking-deep at this point.

you indulge her needs without saying anything two nights after that, just like you promised in her apartment when she convinced you to have some sleep so you could keep studying the next day. buying drink after drink, you're preventing her from getting into fights and pulling vi into the crowd to dance with her most of the damn night.

it's the contact what drives her crazy in the end, a brush of your fingers in her skin, your breathing colliding for a brief second against hers, teasing her all damn night as she has no other option to just observe.

you know you look extra good in that tight dress, that vi's a victim of insanity when your hair gets messy and you don't seem to care about it, skin glistening with sweat and this smile the boxer cannot erase from her mind, replaying it like a movie she overly-enjoyed.

you're dancing to the rhythm of the music, slightly drunk, already on cloud nine and through vi's gaze, it's enough to mesmerize her, following you around like a guard dog and preventing guys from trying their luck and get a way with you, she's not risking any chance.

"you look beautiful like this, when you have no worries stressing you out, and you're just enjoying" well fuck if that wasn't flirting, if that wasn't plain seduction fueled by the stupid amount of alcohol vi consumed, so at your smirk, it's a personal need; she needs to continue "always the hottest fucking girl around, do you have any idea of how hard is to get a grip around you?"

the song seems to pass to second place, transported to another dimension when you're pressing your back right against her chest and vi has the perfect path to just lean right against your ear, nose inhaling the scent of your skin, the cream you use that leaves a subtle shimmer down in your exposed shoulder and she's fucked: fucked, intoxicated, driven already by those guarded needs she keeps drowning deep underwater.

"quit fucking around," the whiskey burns in her throat, still in vi's tongue at the first warning, you're dancing against her, ass right against her jeans and the dress, that hell of a dress goes up with each movement and you don't seem to care enough like she does — "your dress- it's slipping up, gonna flash the whole club like this-"

"then pull it down," the way you say it's almost like a dare, and you love her attention, granting permission to vi's fingers who are quick to slip pass beneath the fabric, brushing against the skin of your sides as she's pulling it to her original state, keeping it there as it insists to fold right at your waist "can you keep it that way? help me out."

you know exactly what you're doing, rubbing yourself against her pants, breathing heavily as she keeps the fabric of your dress hooked in her fingers, a subtle way of pulling you closer against her, make you blatantly rest against her body.

the confidence comes up in this state and she just let it happen, sloppy kisses in your shoulder, vi can feel it against her lips as you make your hair to the side and you smile cause yes — you got her where you want to, hand in your thighs, fighting the urge to grab you by the waist cause it's not correct, you're friends and she values your company, the connection.

but vi's sinking in whiskey, and the way back home it's blurry by a cloud of necessity, impulses combined with a mass of lust at what it's now her worst behavior: she can't keep her hands off you, lingering on your waist, mumbling excuses about having to prevent you from falling, avoiding you from getting too far from her.

"you're not going to invite me back to your place?" you ask, resting against your door at just steps from her own, and vi's having trouble on finding the keyhole before suddenly freezing — "i'm drunk and i can fall too you know? a serious injury that could cost my life- and you won't even know."

it's a clear excuse, you both know it by then, and it makes vi laugh as she's resting her forehead against the wood, letting out an audible sigh soon after: she's doing so good so far. even when you tempted her with your worst, she didn't kissed you like she wanted to, didn't touch you any further even when you're rubbing your fucking ass against the front of her jeans, but having you alone back in her place? it's like asking to fuck with her patience.

"c'mere before i regret it" there's no sense to hide it when you stumble to her door, standing so close she can feel your chest brushing in her right arm, the soft fabric of your dress gently touching her skin as she opens the door and you're invading her once again; like you always fucking do.

you're like a force of nature, driving yourself like it's your place too. you grab her hand as she drags you to the kitchen, sitting in the counter as your legs swing in the air before vi's turning on the lights.

"you're going to kill me" you loudly say, using your hands to protect yourself from the white lights of the kitchen "turn it off- what are you doing?, we're vampires at this hour."

"vampires huh? who drink water after so much alcohol?"

"alcohol-sucking-vampires" you explain like it’s an obvious thing, tilting your head to the side as you watch her take the bottle of water she keeps in the fridge “we'd burn if you turn on the lights, and i won't burn by a kitchen lamp, not when you're near.”

so you’re hooking your finger in the carabiner vi wears in her pants, and her keychain tingles in the air as the only sound in the room, her breathing hitches back in her throat as you're pulling her between your legs, taking the water from her fingers before drinking from the bottle as you try to sober up with half the cold water.

“you okay there?” vi asks, refusing to look down to see the way your dress raises from over your upper thighs, she can already feel your naked legs closing around her waist and too afraid to act upon contained lust — “too drunk?”

“just perfect” it's enough to wash off the trails whiskey on her mouth, hands resting over the counter as all suddenly, vi's taking over your space, conquering the air you breathe as you rest against the white tiles of her kitchen wall behind your back and you seem aware now that there's no escape, nothing but the need to stay there, granting her the silent admission to keep going, wonder further in depth "are you too drunk?"

"maybe i am," it's not a lie, not when the alcohol travels down her blood and it makes vi's knee shake, when she's resting her weight in the counter, so close to you she can feel the warmth of the breathing that comes out of your parted lips "cause i feel that if you don't stop me, i'm going to start spiraling, and i don't want to fuck you here in my kitchen counter. turns me on- but it's impersonal for the first time i'm taking you."

the words roll of violet's tongue with an ease that scares, and when she realizes it, it's too late to take them back when you smile like you just won the damn lottery, this damn smirk she already knows from memory, that look you have when you get something you've been working hard for, an exam, her attention, her touch.

it's too much time being this miserable, too much time standing on her side of the room, keeping her thoughts in a glass that easily shatters with the slightest touch, so vi's allowing herself to surrender, let the guards in your body drive her to the the prisons of your soul, the maze in your heart she crosses with fire in her hands.

you're there. blending in her arms like the strangest material that sticks to her skin, making the limits go blurry cause she don't care now, they are nothing but a stone in your shoe; you're moving out and vi's already feeling a part of her missing, the need to hold you close before you disappear in her arms and never see you again.

the silk dress in her fingers is soft as it wrinkles following the form of your body, and vi wishes to be able to breathe underwater, have any sort of control over the chaos in her mind when she's sucking on your neck until her teeth marks you with a hickey she can see, like a proof she'll need to see tomorrow somehow, to believe all of it is real and not part of her dreams.

moans come out of your lips and that's what she's been missing out, the simple pleasures of life's she's been depraving herself from, her lips find a way to your jaw, working her way up in gentle touches, having you pressed against her body is simply not enough, not remotely sufficient.

"you taste so sweet," is it the whiskey on vi's voice? the soreness on her muscles after drinking so much? it does not matter at this point when her slender fingers grab your chin, angling upwards to meet her gaze "i swear, it's the greatest ambrosia from the gods."

you're not bulletproof, you can't resist the way her blue eyes search yours for a moment like she's studying any sign of regret in your eyes, dilated irises, it's you the very first who stole the kiss, the contact already clumsy, full of teeth and a constant fight, a need for control, demand and get more in response.

inebriates her to the touch, like lsd melting on her tongue to blend within her body; is it the whiskey? when your tongue pushes past her's and your chest graze against her own, vi's fingers sink in your hair to pull your head to the side and fucks sake, is it normal? how something so simple can feel so right?

it's the first kiss that gets vi on her knees already, the second, the third, the fourth: she loses count at that point, but it does not matter when your legs are wrapped around her waist impending any try of putting some space between you and her, when she can visibly notice the color of your panties she's been trying so fucking hard to guard the entire night.

"vi-" you manage to say, the sound of your voice give away so many details she's been overlooking, the raspy tone that wraps her own name — "vi. listen to me-"

"say that again" she asks, like an alcoholic ready for another drink — "violet this time, i need to hear it entirely."

"violet," you repeat, and she likes the way your tongue rolls in the syllables, didn't enjoy being called like that until that very moment when you're whispering it like it's a part of some important spell "listen to me-- i need you to tell me something."

"tell me, i'm hearing" she replies with simplicity as her hands finally raise your dress where it belonged the whole damn night, right over your waist as her hands close over the gloves of your ass and she's squeezing it tightly to prove her point "i can listen to you while i touch, tell me what's so important."

"it's about work, about what i do" she stops for a moment, looking down at you cause she couldn't care less now about the whiskey, the dizziness on her brain as she stares at your face "i should've told you sooner. i'm sorry okay? this escalated so quickly i didn't think we-."

nervous. you're nervous when you speak again and she just wishes to kiss you, make you understand that she don't really care about this whole cam-girl thing with actions more than words.

"i do, like- videos" you state, low like a secret you don't want anyone else to hear — "on my own, you know- well- cam-girl videos that's how i make so much money-- i let weirdos stare at me while i masturbate, pays good money and i get if you don't want to do anything, i needed you to know before uh-."

"you think that's going to make me not-fuck you?" she asks, genuinely interested in the answer "cause you do hot videos online?"

"have you watched them?"

"no, i haven't."

"either you're too polite to say it or a dinosaur when it comes to technology, cause i got a couple of videos blowing up in lesbian accounts on twitter and a bunch of subscribers thanks to that."

"cocky much aren't you? implying i must have seen it" — "you're that big of a deal here?"

"i'm not, i'm basing my data on actual numbers who back up what i'm saying" you try to prove your point rambling an absurd amount of words she don't really pay much attention to, pretty sure you're a top creator on that page of yours "are you even listening to me?"

"do you want me to see your videos?" she asks with new curiosity, blue eyes piercing yours and it's always a fight, a need for taking control and know who's surrendering first "is that what is all about? you want me to see your slutty masturbating sessions? what do you do hm? fuck yourself dumb enough to forget you're recording? got me curious now."

vi's nothing but impulses, kissing your cheek in a slow tender motion, fingers on your face that keeps you there, face pressed against her mouth as she feels your skin burn under her touch.

"i don't care about what you do," — "i only care if you want this too, peach. if you masturbate and record yourself, it's nothing but a huge, damn turn on."

so there it goes one more time like it wasn't enough the fist time, demanding kisses, needy touches to feed the monster inside vi's body: it does not matter, and the knowledge makes you the same it does to her, electricity coming up to your spine.

even when your lips are swollen it's not enough, not nearly proper to satisfy all her needs, but before you're even thinking about keep undressing yourself there this sound coming out from the hallway outside, and you stop before letting her kisses travel down to your collarbones, brows furrowing in curiosity.

"was that a meow?"

"damn fucking cat," vi curses out loud, rolling her eyes as she hides her face in the crook of your neck "gonna install sunshine a door at this point, she comes to sleep close to the window"

"well that's cute," you chuckle before vi's using her thumb to clean up the strings of saliva that connected you back to her mouth, swollen, red lips against her own "go on, don't leave her hanging, she comes to her safe place to rest."

it's physically difficult to remove herself from your body, cursing the way back to the front as the boxer's opening the door to find the small cat entering the apartment without even looking at her, quickly finding her way back to the window.

"is that the cat from 9D?" you ask when stepping out of the kitchen, looking at the cat already sleeping in her designated spot — "funny. i got a visitor like this too, but it's the black cat, rainbow."

"cat likes smart-asses, makes sense" vi teases to your offense before you're taking the bag you leave in the floor, looking out for your keys — "hey- i was joking, you leaving me?"

"i think, we both drink a lot tonight vi" you're right anyway, hangs heavy on her chest when realizing she still cannot feel the very tip of her fingers "and i want you to kiss me sober, touch and talk me like this when you remember me, us."

"i'm not that drunk-"

"come to my place tomorrow morning if you still think that way. i'll cure your hungover any way you want me to" the promise hangs in the air, and despite your words you kiss her again, because it's just another kiss, another one to the infinite you already gave her, lingering there and stinging in her skin like a constant reminder of the contact; quickly this time, soft unlike the needy ones dictated by alcohol "i don't want you to regret me. i need you on your four senses."

"tomorrow morning. i can do that."

she can't.

life would be awesome if violet vanderson wasn't a fucking pussy who can't knock on your door the next day since she's too embarrassed to show up out of nowhere: what if you don't remember anything? what if those kisses where nothing more than that? just kisses who are quickly forgotten?

being left alone with her own mind is dangerous, and karma's a bitch with her lately as vi's roughly pulled out of the car into the street and she's unable to hold her weight when falling into her knees, the cement scrapes her jeans as she can feel the blood already mixing up with gravel — "you owe us fucking big time, violet. we'll take it out of the prize from next week, do you understand?"

"yeah- fuck off."

she resists the urge to show them her middle fingers, the aching pain in her ribs being too intense to even raise her hand from over her shoulder as vi yawns in pain. she can endure the agonizing ache; the loneliness on the other side haunts her mind as she uses the doorknob to stand up, blood already coating her fingers as they press against her shoulder.

awful job. they did hell of fucking job on stitching her up this time: what fucking owing them big time were they talking about? she's climbing up step by step to the third floor, and vi's sure she's going to pass out any moment from now, crawling on her hands and knees — she's going to fucking puke at this point.

she deserves the treatment, this eviscerating cut to her ego, cause it's the second fight she loses now and fuck if it not affects her, not in the state she arrived to the complex; broken nose, injured shouldeer, she's almost surprised she's not bleeding internally. it's what she deserves for being this level of an asshole.

two weeks. what was she thinking when she began to avoid you? when she got scared to the point she's not acting out on her own feelings? when did she turned into this lame version of herself? this part violet don't recognize and now has to live with? not daring to see your face at any random moment of the day, avoiding you like you're the worst disease ever announced and she deserves it.

too good in learning your schedule, of course she's going to work hard in not seeing you, not cross you on the hallways by accident, not even in the morning by your running routines — and like everything before, it works. not seeing you it's medicine for the heart, a bandage of ignorance right to the eyes: what she cannot see, cannot possibly hurt her.

you moving out, leaving her behind: maybe put up some distance it's what she needs to do in order to survive, prevent her from gaining a broken heart, the embarrassment.

"don't sleep on me-" shit, when exactly did she passed out? your hand rub against her cheek as you keep talking to her, eyes open "violet. fucking wake up. don't fall asleep."

she can recognize the sound of your voice when talking to her, the way you seem to pull force out of nowhere as you're making her stand back on her feet, clumsy when you're walking back to your apartment without saying a word, physical effort as you close the door behind your back and you help her get to your bathroom.

"what happened-" you ask inspecting the bruises in her face under the accusing white light, and vi would like to say something, remark how she's fine even when she passed out thanks to the pain minutes before, but she cannot say much when a loud whine of pain escapes from her lips as your hands wonder around her figure looking for any wound "talk to me c'mon- how did you ended up like this?"

"the fight-" she manages to say before you're tossing her tank top to the floor, the black makeup only interfering with your work as you stare at the injury in her shoulder, a cut vi's sure she gained thanks to the pointy, metal brass knuckles her opponent hit her with, the bruises decorating the flesh like a damn universe of different kinds of pain; she'd be embarrassed of being so naked if not being so utterly in shambles.

"shit- you need to go to the hospital."

"no-" she's quickly to reply, too many questions she cannot answer honestly, don't want the authorities getting involved — "i checked out the most and it's already under control- 's this shitty thing in my shoulder- the stitches keep opening."

and violet's in no position to ask for anything, nothing at all when she's been so cruel to you, so distant even when you live at just footsteps, but she's looking at you with this eyes you already know, a pleading face you can't say no to as you're opening the med kit you keep in the bathroom shelf, shaky hands as you mumble something about not being a doctor, about not having any clue on what you're doing.

"look at me," the fighter asks, all that black painting only accentuating her blue gaze as you stare at her, not realizing your hands are being held down by vi's bandaged ones, keeping them steady over her chest, "i trust you. you just need to stop the bleeding. i know you got me."

works fine cause you take care of it, trembling hands, holding on your breath since you're victim of your nervousness, you seem to avoid her gaze so well vi knows, real as her current bellyache, that you're so mad at her you don't even want to look at her bruised face, tending the wound in a deadly silence as she's gaining more color now, better as your fingertips brush against her skin.

"thank you" you hate to hear it, the awkward small talk, her need to fill the silence "for helping me out."

"i don't want you dying on the floor, would be awkward if your ghost is bounded here."

it makes her laugh for a moment, the pain on her chest being a reminder of her poor state as she closes her eyes tightly trying to surpass the pain, the unexpected whine she let's out filling your bathroom walls as your digits press against the cut.

“you’ve been avoiding me,” vi cannot escape from the question now, struggling to breathe as she braces herself at the prospect of anger she deserves — "did you regret our kiss? is that why you're so ashamed of talking to me?”

"i don't-" even when her muscles are sore she's making an effort in denying your words, fingers covered in vi's blood; you're struggling just by breathing the same air "i thought you were going to forget- about me, of our kisses that night."

"do i look like i forgot?"

"let me finish," she insists, giving you a pleading look — "you taste like promises and warm words. like fire, me-- and the mouth is never mistaken. you're there, constant like the moon and the stars and it scares me a little, like i'm always in this ship and there's thick, dense fog surrounding it and sometimes you're the lighthouse guiding me back to safe land, but others you're the angry ocean and i don't know what to do about it. on the intensity of how i feel about you and your kisses, how you felt while holding you in my hands: seems like the only thing i can think lately since i last saw you drunk in my apartment are your damn moans, the face you give me when i said i wasn't going to fuck you in my kitchen counter, you."

"that's you didn't came?"

"guess i'm afraid," vi won't admit it before, won't admit it ever, the prospect of talking about her cowardice being similar to a mistake in her mind "you're leaving next week, and you'll forget about me and this place and i can't deal with that thought, not when you're on your best life and i'm stuck here losing fights, being damn miserable."

"you think i'll forgot about you?" — "that's your worrying?"

"it pisses me off, cause if affects me in a way you don't realize" vi's voice fill the bathroom walls for a moment, and you stop tending on her stitches for a minute; the color has returned to her cheeks, much better now as she barks the truth she guarded so secure — "you seem unbothered by it but i'm not okay with you leaving, with not having you at just inches from my bed- i get that you're winning more money, that this place sucks so much ass but you can't- you can't leave me behind."

"i would never do that to you," you reply in a low voice, and from the position you're in, right between her opened legs, you're kneeled in front of her to take care of injuries better, making vi aware of the way you're looking at her, much closer than you were in the kitchen as her shoulder does not matter now "this whole moving out thing- i'd never leave you behind, you're my best friend and shit- whenever i go, you do too."

"you say that now but what if-"

she cannot continue with the argument, not when you're carefully pressing your lips against hers and you're shutting her racing mind with a kiss; one that's different this time and makes her heart feel too small to endure the loud beatings it gave, sober, patient, vi notices the details that she missed out, the softness in your glossy lips, the taste of apple in your mouth, fresh breath as her hands tangle in your hair to make it impossible for you to seek any distance, any kind of air but what she can offer.

her shoulder hurts at the movements, but the pit fighter don't seem to care about any injury now when you're doing that thing you do that drives her crazy, how you steal kisses like they were yours to take since the beginning.

"stop that," you speak against her mouth "we don't live based on theories vi," — she likes the sound of your voice, that soothing way of talking to her when your eyes meet her's and your thumbs are following an invisible path in the sides of her face before talking again "it doesn't work like that, cause from the moment you threw bad jokes at the grill i can't get you out of my head and it's not that easy- i won't pull you out of my life like you're no one. i don't have much- people around me always leave and i'd never do that to you. not ever."

it's what she needed to hear, what the worms eating away her brain wanted to stop holding her hostage as you lean against her to steal another kiss: you're a thief a she'd let you steal them all without putting up a fight, all when they belonged to you.

"you're really important to me, violet" you admit, and the knot in her stomach tightens at the admission "not only as my neighbor, but as a friend, as the girl i like."

it hangs in the air for a moment, her personal fucking kryptonite to this point cause vi keeps the kisses coming even when they are similar to a fever in the middle of a flu, body tense, sick with tension she cannot get rid of when pushing you to her lap, the weight on her legs unexpectedly good, needed-

"hey- hold up you're injured and in no condition to do whatever you're trying to do here-"

"i'm okay, killjoy" she coos, even close to dying dramatically minutes before, vi's currently going through the strangest adrenaline rush, not even feeling her sore shoulder at this point — "you know i've never been here before in your apartment? it's very similar to mine, but like- the opposite version."

she stays silent for a moment, her lips move against yours but not for a kiss, instead it's a glance, a subtle and barely noticeable touch: "i thinks its a mystery how your life always seem to mirror mine so much."

"i'll make you a bath-"

"i mean it" vi continues on talking as you move around to turn on the water, sitting on the edge of the tub as you settle a warm temperature: she also needs the distance "this cat- what was his name? from 9D?"

"rainbow?"

"you get visits from rainbow, and sunshine's making my apartment her own" she reminds you, making you giggle momentarily — "you live in the apartment next door, my routines fit yours and i have to try- put up a lame show since i don't want to see you on the hallways cause i know the exact hours you leave for classes-"

"you know my routines?" shit. "what's your point with this, weirdo?"

"i mean, it's really obvious here," violet's pushing past her pain when straightening her back, still wrapped around dirty bandages that surely needs changing "i have this theory with a fair amount of proof, cause i think you were made for me, as much as i was made for you."

it's a normalized behavior she wants to keep, cause she likes this image of you when she's using her force to stole a new kiss, multiple ones she starts by giving you from the side of your face until she's touching the corner of your mouth with hers, invading your space like she's meant to do it, lips fitting so nicely against yours — you're sure she's right, that she has more than just proof to back up her words: you are made for her, she's made for you.

"the tub's ready."

"you're nervous" it's not a question but more like an observation as you move around, avoiding her gaze when you're too busy checking the temperature.

"i am," you admit in honesty, tongue travels down the inside of your cheek before adding "it's different. you're different- us."

"yeah?" vi's tone gives away her intentions by the time she's saying it — "tell me more about it, how different is this for you huh?"

"privacy, you need privacy. i'll leave you to undress and shower, is it okay if i get you some stuff to wear from your apartment?" it's so simple to make you like this, stumble over your words even when sober, cute rambles she's been missing the last weeks.

"sweetheart," vi's voice is tender, barely an audible whisper as she shakes her head in denial — "i can't shower alone. you know that."

"but i-" you try to calm yourself down as the vapor sticked to the mirror hanging on the wall, the intimacy vi’s been running from "i need to go find your clothes-"

"you don't have to" violet insists before her fingers begin to unwrap the bandages across her chest, face twitching with pain when making much effort in moving — "i want you to stay here with me. let me have this."

thing is you don't need convincing, not when she's stripping right in front of you, baring the lines of her muscles as you hold your breath for a moment: all this time being partly naked, you're fine with it until it takes a different turn, an unseen shade that got you looking to the floor for a moment when hearing the sound of the fabric falling into your vision field, the bandages that wrapped around her chest followed by a splash and the loud moan she lets out when entering the warm water.

"i won't spend more time without you," vi says from inside the tub, and it makes you malfunction for a long time, stay there for until you make sure you can hold your own weight when walking "please, sit here, stay close."

suddenly it's hard to snap out of it. the air's too hot at this point when she's panting the spot right next to her, looking up to you ready to beg and ask until you're granting her wishes. your heart beats so loud in your ear when you spot her smile only getting bigger as you sit down in the floor right next to the tub.

"tell me, do i look too fucked?" the bruised boxer asks when you're sitting close to her, back hitting the cold tiles as you're comfortably resting right on her side before turning to look, inspecting her face. there's a bruise right under her eye, creeping up to the side of her nose, slip lip, the wound in her eyebrow is closed with fake stitches but it's getting swollen now under the lights of rationality.

"no" it's a simple answer, even when violet looks like she's been paying visits to hell lately, you can't help it when your eyes follow the features of her face, the ring piercing on her nose, the freckles carefully placed over the middle section — she looks stupidly good even when she's at her worst, so your eyes roam against her naked figure in response, her bruised skin now hugged by a comforting warm, making her shiver case she can feel the weight of your gaze, the goosebumps that made her body move involuntarily "no, you don't look fucked."

"get in with me."

vi's as serious as she can be, and it's the kisses that win you over; her way of making you do stuff cause her lips are pressed against your own and it's like the greatest delight ever created.

"please get in with me" she asks again, cause vi wont forgot; she won't let go of the moment as her wet hands close around your neck and the drips of water are soaking through your shirt — "i need you so much closer, please."

even when there's a clear separation between her body and yours, her hands look past it when they're soaking through your pajama, the coldness from her hands as they touch your body like it's holy, wetting everything behind.

"the tub's too small" you try to be intelligent for a moment, a difficult task when she's placing the most gentle kisses in your neck "and your shoulder- i don't think it's a good idea."

"i swear to you if you mention my shoulder one more time-" to be fair, it's hard to think about a threat that's good enough to make you stop as you’re grabbing the sides of your shirt to toss it from over your head, close to the bandages in the floor, it got vi staring at your tits for a while, the lack of bra since you were probably sleeping before she came in like a hurricane really handy.

"you what?" you insist, wanting her to complete the sentence. little fucking tease mocking at vi's words while her hands tug on your shorts, the only thing preventing her from getting you inside — "gonna stop kissing me like you do? leave me hanging?"

"no," she would never mention it even, rolling her eyes in defeat "i have nothing to threat you with, cause all that i got is yours already- you know that well."

it's a composition, a testament as vi's hands roam against your exposed chest, fingers tugging on your nipples before your pants are falling to the floor in a disaster you want to happen, and the intimacy is there before ever undressing, in the vapor and the hot water as you make no sound in entering the water.

"too far," vi protests as you try to sit in the other side of tub, swiftly pulling you upwards just to make you glide against the water so you can rest in her chest, and she winces, a loud sound of discomfort as she moves you enough to not be resting over the bruises in her rib, that spot she knows it's sensitive — "don't move if you want me to keep living."

"fucking insane," it's impossible to try and argue as your chest is already pressed against her's and it turns very complicated to even think about enough reasons to leave the bathroom "the idea of a bath is for you to relax vi, not to have me crushing you."

"what if i want you to crush me?" she wonders as her hand travels down the line on your spine, the skin that's so soft in her fingers as she takes your hair out of the way, the strands out of your neck. vi takes her time in doing so, on treating you like you deserve when she's nibbling on your neck, holding you against her cause there's no pain enough to prevent violet from taking what she wants "do you understand? how fucked you got me? i'm already in pieces hoping you'll put my skin together with your love."

her words cut deep, deeper than any ache as they settle in your heart, you seem to be in sync with her, heartbeats that mix up like a lullaby and breathings that took turns; her chest expands when yours constricts in a silent organization, and it's good. your hair's getting wet, and vi's hand squeeze your ass with a controlled force. you belong there.

"let me touch you," she asks, her hand seems to grow curious by the seconds as vi pants your upper thigh and you seem to get the memo so you're finally straddling her, legs on each side as the water settles down to the level of your belly and she's looking at the skin already covered in drips with a tangible need — "i'll beg if you want me to- i need to have you."

she’s gentle, a need to show you how much she cares about you, how she needs you close, know more about your days. the words find their own way out of her mouth when vi’s admitting against your ear how much she missed you, the times she had imagined that very same scene in the darkness of her room, infinite fantasies that always resume around the same, this face of mischief when you're climbing up from the edge of the bed to sit down on her just like you are in that moment, tangled hair, her fingers make you shiver when they're touching so skillful.

just the same, you're in the perfect place to- worship you, and vi does so when her she's using a hand to make you bend against her mouth so your chest is exposed right to her face and that's what life must be about from now on: pleasing you. making your hair to the side, vi wonders for a moment if she fainted again, this time inside her supposedly relaxing bath.

a happy death, she wants a happy death, so violet vanderson wishes not to be awaken if so. let her die. let her experience an afterlife where she finally gets what she wants, where things go her way. it's an illusion, maybe a fantasy you're indulging like when you bought her drink after drink the night she went out with you, an abysmal difference now as your hand guides her own to you inner thighs.

vi wishes to imprint her fingerprints in your flesh, groping with enough force to make you gasp. she wishes to comply and do good cause she can do so much for you it's making her insane, hard to think in anything else when she has you like this, using a couple of fingers to rub on your clit already greedy for attention, depraved from her touch for too long.

"mmf-what the actual-fuck," the words slur together like a muffled sound when you're biting on your inner cheek — "shit that's so good."

the water moves with you when your hips do so, splashes at the movement before you're raising yourself from above it, leaking against her hand as her fingers push against your entrance, desperate to give you something to hold on to, push further.

vi's teeth pull on your hard nipple, a rough tug that it's delicious as her fingers work their way inside your cunt, wreathed by your pulsating walls who wishes to drag her further inside. knuckles deep, the pit fighter can feel the sting of pure pain when her fingers thrust inside you, the nervous endings pulling on her shoulder wound.

"ride me," she ask when your eyes dart out to her wound, caring about her even when you're drunk in a state vi wishes to see more than ever, nodding as you move against the palm of her hand — "there you go, i'm yours to use. you already know i'm yours to take."

"fuck vi-"

maybe the tub it's the least of the places that this should be happening, the space is to small, uncomfortable, induces to clumsy sex, yet when vi fucks- it's different. you’ve never been fucked like this by just two damn fingers, so devastating, overwhelming like she’s surpassing every barrier you've put out there with effortless grace until she’s there, under your skin, claiming each part of your body when it belongs to her.

“you’re gripping me so tight” vi gulps already feeling heady. a lewd sound filling the bathroom walls as her fingers move with vigorous force, slippery cunt as they curl right where you need her to be “fucking you with the strap must be hell of a ride huh? gonna have to prepare you every time.”

“m’so close-” you state, and she’s nodding at your words, brows furrowing together in understanding, a wish to get you there at any cost — “please vi- please.”

you’re begging even when you’re not sure why for, the mount of her hand hitting against your clit as your tits bounce on each movement you give on top of her, making vi absorbed by the sight, the marks she left on your skin, how you’re making the biggest effort on fucking yourself to oblivion.

“so full of my fingers, i know you’re gonna cum baby” she uses a coaxing tone to speak, only making you even more debased than you already are at her gentle words “let me feel you soaking up my hand- you’ve been doing so good already.”

you’re talking nonsense. an slobbering mess when your body stiffens at the impending release you’ve been holding before it finally coates down vi’s fingers, dripping down to the water in a nasty mix the pink-haired don’t mind as she keeps working you through it.

“make it last baby,” she says pulling you into a kiss, tongue plunging against yours in a salty kiss, swallowing your loud moans — “you have the sluttiest cum-face i’ve ever see huh? those little uh’s- i get why people pay, you’re fucking addictive.”

the comment makes you giggle even when you’re tired, sultry look when vi’s sucking on her own fingers, tasting the release that still makes them shine under the light.

“thanks for being so good to me, so kind with all of this- i know it’s not normal” you reply, big eyes staring at vi’s blue hues before leaving soft pecks in the valley of her chest “you make it hard not to fall for you.”

"there’s no need to thank me, peach” — “never saw your videos, but you are indeed, very popular on twitter. i did saw a censored photo back then.”

"and you never saw anything else?"

“no, i want you to cum because of me for the first time i’m seeing you” vi replies, simple and quick “not on a phone or laptop screen, but here against my skin, flesh and bones.”

“when did you find out?”

“before the grill? i dunno i was trying to be polite, i would hate to make you feel uncomfortable, it wasn’t my intention at all.”

“that’s months ago” you playfully hit her in her sane shoulder, earning a whine on her behalf — “and you resisted all this time?”

“i wanted to respect your privacy- i got curious about you way before twitter so again, privacy s’important.”

“privacy- i’m doing porn and you think about my privacy, sweet jesus i’m gonna eat you alive” your words makes her blush as you stay silent for a while before you’re looking up to her, the water’s already cold and wrinkling in her skin before you add with the biggest smile vi has ever seen — “i think you should stay tonight, really. we have some movies to catch on, science purposes.”

you’re kissing her until vi’s lips are red and sore before standing up and her shoulder’s fine. the stitches are fine. it’s a long nite and vi will have no trouble to survive, despite her usual negative way of seeing things; she’s staying positive this time.

for science purposes.

"you can take it," vi whispers as pushes deeper inside you, the perfect view of your drenched pussy taking her in, opening for the intrusion — "it's okay- make room for me you're doing so fucking good."

the sound of your moans mixes with the sounds on her phone speaker, the image of you spread against a wood desk collapsing her brain as you're there, in her screen while you're rubbing this fuck-doll against your cunt and you're so wet as you show yourself to the camera, it makes vi moan as she spreads your ass-cheeks further apart, using the same grip to pull you against the strap.

"take your time, beautiful" she says as a hand slaps the flesh of your back rear until it's red, fingers marking on the flesh before she's moving slightly, only to tease your reaction with her nestled inside "weren't you so cocky before? saying you can take massive cock like a regular tuesday?"

you're begging in the video, crying to be stuffed and it's not a distant view from what she has already, forehead pressed against the king-sized mattress, your breathing gets shallow when vi's pulling out almost entirely just to slam it back in, making your legs shake. it hits all the right places, tingles against her cervix as you present yourself to her like a christmas-fucking-gift. ready to be discovered.

"you feeling good?" her words are so kind even when her fingers are pulling on your hair, making your head backwards with a force that makes you get high on lust, nodding at her insistence as she keeps hitting it from behind.

"yes-" you struggle to respond for a moment, voice like you've been hitting the gym with hell of a cardio routine "fuck yes- yes do your fucking worst, please."

the bed creeks, the headboard smashes against the wall but vi cannot bring herself to care at the loud sounds you two make. her hips piston in a deliberate fast pace, and the sound of your skin smacking against hers makes her head spin; the sight of you rubbing your aching cunt in a recorded video goes so well with the one of your pussy wrapped up around vi's cook, already hanging on by a thread.

"look at that pretty pussy, the camera does not make you justice enough" she praises, pounding faster, deeper as she's making you watch the video with her, eyes glued as her fingers hold your face close to the screen — "all shaped up to take my fingers, my cock, my tongue-"

and your relationship with vi's always there in the site itself, making sure of commenting on each video, appear on every livestream asking you to go faster, deeper, moan out her name louder than the rest: when someone buys a pair of your underwear? she's there to make a mess with it, take the photos in seductive lingerie she fucks you in after, your girl next door, your formal neighbor who now invades your apartment most days of the week claiming she's tired of the orange chicken smell.

it's a routine you grow fond of: dates, messages, movies, music, fun, fucking, kiss, cuddle, showers, love, repeat.

violet vanderson's having the best year of her life when powder's parking the car in front of the building— she's moving in again, but this time? it's your apartment.

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suguwu · 2 months ago

Text

last light on: part one

Years after your break up, Itoshi Sae returns to Japan.

He finds he left more than just you behind.

MINORS AND AGELESS BLOGS DO NOT INTERACT.

pairing: itoshi sae x f!reader, one-sided itoshi rin x f!reader

wc: 4k

cw: aged up characters/pro-footballer au, sae and reader have a named daughter together that reader hid from him, exes to lovers, complicated relationships.

notes: i couldn't contain myself any more. after several false starts (aka me posting and deleting while having a meltdown), here is the real thing. i owe my life to @lorelune for their input and advice on this fic—i cannot even begin to explain. anyway, i hope you enjoy this first part! please note this will have slow updates - please be patient with me, thank you!

Japan is a haunted place for Sae.

He forgets that, most days. He spends most of his time as far away as he can get. And Sae is not a man who lives in the past; he is focused on the future, on the endless horizon of upcoming days.

Then he steps onto Japanese soil and remembers you.

You live at the edge of his memory, gone wispy with the passing years. These days, you’re just the tilt of your lips; you’re the elegant slope of your shoulder. An outline of yourself, an imprint left behind on a foggy window.

You’re a ghost of the worst kind: one of his own making.

And Japan is your territory. You linger in the very air; he breathes in sea salt and thinks of the taste of your tears. It stirs something inside of him that he’s quick to ignore.

This trip is no different.

The plane lands at the first bloom of dawn, pink streaking across the sky like petals. Sae’s been up for a while, reviewing game footage on his iPad. He makes another note before he puts it away; there will be plenty of time to review more.

By the time he slides into the car, the sun is starting to peek over the horizon. The light is sweetly golden, soft and warm, and to his surprise, your smile flashes through his mind. It’s one of the things he’s never forgotten, but he keeps it tucked away, under the melon rind curve of the bitter smile you gave him when he left.

He shakes off the memory. He starts the game footage again, his teal eyes sharp, a scalpel’s edge. He watches for a few more minutes before he sighs. He pauses it and takes out his phone, ignoring the notification from his manager. Instead, he navigates to Instagram.

It’s a relic of his past life. He’s never updated it since going pro; he can’t be bothered. He can’t even remember the last time he opened the app. Maybe to see what his PR team had posted on his official one.

He clicks into his profile. The most recent post is almost as old as the account itself; it's the beach at twilight, the waves eating at the shore.

Right.

He'd deleted all his photos of you.

With a sigh, he navigates back to his feed. He scrolls a bit, flicking through most of the photos without a second glance. It’s all tepid, glimpses into tedious lives that he doesn’t care about. He’s just about to close the app down when something catches his eye.

It’s you.

Older now, but undoubtedly you. You’re facing away from the camera, but he knows the line of your neck, the swan’s wing curve of it. He swipes to the next photo in the set; you’re still in the background, but you’re in profile this time, lips tilted sweetly, wine-kissed.

He swipes again, but you’re not in the next picture. When he glances at the caption, it doesn’t tell him anything, but you’ve commented. He clicks the link to your profile, but it doesn’t take him anywhere. His lips thin; he tries again and gets the same result.

When he tries to search by your username, nothing comes up.

You’ve blocked him.

His brow furrows. It’s not entirely unexpected, but he had thought that the years might have softened you towards him. He sighs and tosses his phone onto the seat next to him before starting the game footage once more.

It’s for the best.

—

Sae does not dream often.

Or if he does dream, he simply doesn’t remember. He wakes in the morning and nothing lingers. There are only the cobwebs of sleep, which he blinks away with ease.

But tonight—his second night in Japan—he dreams of you.

It’s hazy in that way that dreams often are. He knows it’s your first apartment, the one with the flickering porch light you always left on for him, but he can’t make sense of the rest. It fades into the background, leaving him with only the starglow of your eyes peeking over the horizon of your shoulder as you disappear from room to room.

You weave through the apartment with easy grace. He follows until he doesn’t, watching you vanish into the kitchen—a tiny, cramped thing with plants stuck wherever they can fit. You glance back at him, half-devoured by shadows. There are tears shining on your cheeks. Your lips part, and as you start to speak—

He blinks awake.

Sae stares up at the ceiling. He runs a hand through his sleep-ruffled hair and sits up. The hotel room is dim, the rising sun held at bay by the thick curtains. If he were someone else, he might think of the shadows that you peered out from, but he doesn’t. The dream is already fading.

He gets out of bed. The curtains part under his hand; the sudden gleam of the sun makes him squint.

He opens the window, as he always does. The breath he takes is deep; it fills his lungs with the fresh bite of the morning air. It washes away all but the dregs of the dream. He takes another breath and buries those dregs deep.

He buries you.

—

Like all ghosts, you refuse to stay buried.

By his fifth day in Japan, Sae has thought of you more than he has in years. He’s not sure what it is about this trip in particular; you’ve always returned to mind when he’s back, but never to this extent.

It’s annoying.

With a sigh, he taps his pen against his notebook. He glances out the window and sees the hydrangeas waving in the breeze, tiny puffy clouds. He thinks of you, petal-bodied, and sighs again. He pulls out his phone and starts a text to his manager.

Sae has always been a man of action.

He’ll exorcise you himself.

—

Your neighborhood reminds Sae of Kamakura.

It’s nicer than he expected; a family neighborhood, based on the parents walking by with children perched on their hips like little birds. The houses are a mosaic of architecture, a few odd styles standing out, just like his childhood. It’s only missing the kiss of salt in the air, the sea’s eternal presence. Instead, there’s the earthiness of the park that cuts through it, pungent and grassy after the morning’s rain.

He crosses the street as the light turns; according to Navitime, your house should be on the other side of the park. The foliage swallows him down, a verdant throat, before it spits him back out into a manicured playground. Children are laughing, bright peals of sound like summer windchimes.

He glances at the parents lining the sides of the playground and blinks.

Sae thinks of the Instagram post from just a few days ago. He hadn’t paid much attention to who posted the pictures, but if he were to pull it up again, he knows exactly who it would be.

Rin.

Rin, who is currently staring at him from his spot next to you.

It can only be you. There’s a ghost of the girl you were just under your skin, blooming like a spring bud. It’s in the way that you move; it’s in the way that your eyes gleam. The imprint of you that’s haunted him given new life. Made real again.

You still haven’t noticed his brother’s early onset rigor-mortis, because your attention—your attention is on the little girl snuffling on your lap.

She’s a tiny thing, no older than three. Her hair gleams cherry-dark in the sunlight, the faintest sheen of red shimmering through it, and when she blinks, her long clusters of lashes sweep across her cheek like clouds. She blinks again, slow and sleepy, and it’s all sunlit stained glass, her eyes a familiar shade of brilliant teal.

His shade of teal.

The world narrows. Sae takes a step forward without thinking about it.

The little girl yawns. Her nose crinkles with it, twitching like a bunny’s. You lean down to nuzzle your nose against hers, a little smile unfurling on your lips, a night-blooming flower. She bats at you with a tiny hand before rubbing at her eyes.

Sae watches, entranced.

A shadow falls over him; a hand pushes against his chest. He glances up into burning turquoise eyes.

“Rin,” he says. “It’s been a while.”

Rin steps closer. His lean muscles are coiled tight; his lip curls back in a snarl. He’s blocked Sae’s view of you and the girl, a sheepdog circling his lambs.

“Stay away from them,” he spits out.

Sae blinks. “Hello to you too.”

“I’m not here to say hello. Stay away from them.”

He’d known. Sae has always had a quick mind; on the field, he needs only the smallest glimpse of information to put together the puzzle pieces, to build his strategy. He’d known as soon as he’d seen his daughter, but this—Rin and his bared fangs, Rin and the fear trembling just beneath his fiery tone—it confirms everything.

He has a child.

“Them,” Sae muses. “So the kid is hers. Mine, too.”

Rin’s hand flexes at his side, his long fingers twitching. “Go away.”

Sae raises a brow. “It’s a public park,” he points out.

Rin scowls, moving fluidly with Sae as his brother tries to step around him. “She doesn’t want to see you,” he says.

“She can tell me that herself.”

“Not telling you should speak for itself.”

Sae lets out a breath. “You can’t stop me, Rin.”

“You don’t deserve them,” Rin says, his turquoise eyes aflame, flaring like the auroras in the night sky.

Sae realizes that he is not the only one you haunt.

“And you do?”

Rin goes stiff.

Sae hums. “Does she know you’re still sniffing after her?”

“Shut up.”

“That’s a no.”

“At least I’ve been there. At least she wanted me there.”

Sae’s jaw flexes. “But she still doesn’t notice you.”

“You—”

“Sae?” you say. Your voice warbles, delicate birdsong, his name sweet on your tongue.

Rin flinches.

A little smirk flickers to life on Sae’s lips. Rin’s fingers flex, his glare deepening, but he wavers as you step closer. It gives Sae an opening. He claps a hand on his brother’s shoulder as he pushes past him.

Rin makes a sharp noise, but Sae ignores him.

You're his focus now.

There was a time that your eyes lit up when you saw Sae, but as he draws closer, he sees only wariness. A wolf with its lips drawn back, giving a glimpse of teeth. Not yet bared, but the promise of a bite.

“Sae.”

That airy warble is gone; your voice has settled into something cooler, the first kiss of winter on an autumn day. There’s a slight furrow to your brow, but Sae still knows you. There’s a tremble to your lower lip; there’s sorrow tucked up secret in the corner of your mouth.

He says your name. Watches the way you cup your daughter (his daughter) closer to you, her little face burrowed in the gentle curve of your neck. You have one hand cradling the back of her head, as delicate as a dove’s wing, your fingers splayed like feathers.

“What are you doing here?” you ask.

“Looking for you.”

Something flickers across your face, a fleeting summer storm.

“Japan, Sae. Why are you in Japan.”

He shrugs. “It’s still my home, you know.”

“Is it?”

Your daughter makes a small, musical noise, shifting in your arms. You hush her, humming softly until she falls still again, lulled back into sleep. Sae watches the way her little hand curls into your sweater, tiny fingers anchoring her to you.

(He wonders, briefly, if she would hold onto him in the same way.)

"What's her name?" he asks.

"Why do you care?"

He sighs. "Games don't suit you," he says. "Tell me my daughter's name."

Something in you hardens, frost spiraling across a river's surface.

"Rin," you say quietly, and his brother steps in front of him again, blocking his view of you and his daughter. He flexes his fingers as Rin scoops up the little girl; she mumbles quietly before settling against his lean shoulder. It's easy, born of familiarity, and something in Sae grows teeth.

"One brother wasn't enough for you?" he asks.

Rin whips around, fury lining him like a cloak, splitting through him like a thunderclap. Your hand comes up to rest on his other shoulder, restraining him with the most delicate of touches. An owner pulling her dog's collar.

"It's fine," you tell Rin. "Can you settle her in the stroller, please?"

Rin's turquoise eyes are aflame, burning like a comet's tail through the velvet sky. He stares down Sae for another breath before he turns back to you.

He leans in close; too close for Sae to hear what he says to you.

You nod, and Rin sends Sae one last glare before he walks away, carefully cradling the little girl in his arms. Sae's gaze catches on her small form; he thinks of the sea foam that washes up onto the shore, too delicate to last.

"Why didn't you tell me?" he asks, turning back to you.

You meet his gaze steadily. "You wouldn't have stayed."

Sae shoves his hands in his pockets; he stays quiet. You watch him, your lips curling down at the edges, like wilting leaves.

"What do you want, Sae?"

"My daughter."

"You can't have her," you say. "You'll break her heart."

"Like I broke yours?"

"You didn't break my heart, Sae."

He watches you for a moment. You meet his gaze steadily, but he sees the cracks in you. The ghost of who you were before he left you behind. The girl you’ve grown out of, her skin too small for the woman you’ve become.

"Yes," he says. "I did."

You sigh. "Go home, Sae."

"I will," he says easily. "But not without her."

You stiffen. "You'd take her from me?"

"No," he says. "You're coming too."

"Fuck off."

He steps in close, until he can feel your body heat, until he can hear the soft breath you suck in. Longing cuts across your face, a wound torn open. It’s gone in a breath, but Sae sees it.

"You miss me," he says. "Don't you?"

"Fuck off, Sae."

"That's not a no."

Your hand comes up as he pushes closer; you splay it across his chest. The heat of it sinks through his shirt, like spring sunlight, gentle and warm. He waits, but you don't shove him away. He wraps a hand around your wrist, stroking his thumb over the tender underside. Your eyelashes flutter, a butterfly’s wing.

"You miss me," he says. "Say it."

"I miss you," you breathe.

The words are delicate, spider’s silk. They linger in the space between you, a gleaming web spun from your trembling lips.

Sae leans closer, until he can smell the honeysuckle-kiss of your shampoo.

"Then let me in."

You let out a shaky breath. Your fingers flex against his chest, wrinkling the fabric of his shirt. "Sae—"

"Yeah?"

"No," you say, finally shoving him away. He steps back gracefully, his face impassive. “Don’t do this to me. You won’t stay.”

“You don’t know that.”

“Yes,” you whisper. “I do.”

Sae studies you. Your eyelashes are damp; one of them has caught on your cheek, a dandelion seed. There’s an urge to reach out and sweep it away with his thumb. He shoves his hands in his pockets instead.

“Do you give Rin this hard a time about leaving?” he asks.

“That’s different.”

“Not really.”

“Sae.”

He shrugs. “I’m just saying.”

You purse your lips, a flower bud pinching shut. “This isn’t about Rin.”

He glances past you. At the edge of the playground, his brother is rocking the stroller with long, practiced movements. It’s a strange picture, this snapshot of Rin; his ease speaks of a life already lived.

Rin leans down; he’s reaching for the girl’s foot, kicked over the side of the stroller. Sae stares at that tiny foot, cupped carefully in the palm of Rin’s hand.

“You’re right,” he says. “It’s not.”

He returns his gaze to you.

“It’s about my daughter.”

Something flashes across your face; Sae thinks of the last days of summer, the slow swallow of them.

“You mean my daughter,” you say. “She’s not yours.”

He sighs. “We both know she is.”

“No,” you say. “Not in any way that matters.”

Sae was stung by a sea urchin, once. He’d stepped on it in the shallows, its prickly body hidden amid the shadowed, worn rocks of the tidepool. The spine had pierced through the bottom of his foot; he’d bled. He hadn’t been able to play soccer for a week.

But he hadn’t held it against the sea urchin.

It was just protecting itself.

“I would say helping create her matters rather significantly.”

(Okay. He had held it against the urchin. A week was a long time to be banned from soccer.)

“It doesn’t,” you say.

Sae tilts his head. “If that was true, you wouldn’t be so scared right now.”

You flinch.

“I’m not—”

“You are.”

Quiet falls between you. Your eyes flash in the sunlight; Sae thinks of heat lightning, how it never touches the ground.

“You’re right,” you say, so softly that it’s almost lost to the wind. “I’m scared.”

He waits.

“Tell me I don’t have to be.”

Sae glances past you again. He wishes he could see into the stroller, that he could see his daughter’s face again.

“I can’t.”

Your face crumples, delicate origami crushed in a fist.

(You have always reminded Sae of the lacquered origami that’s scattered around your bedroom like stars. Like them, you’re tough enough to protect yourself against the elements, but underneath it all, you’re still paper.)

The creased paper edges of your devastation slice through Sae, scoring the tender underbelly of him, the part he’d thought had long hardened against such cuts. He thinks of roshambo; perhaps he should have known.

Paper always beats rock.

But if he’s cut, you’re wounded, a deep, terrible thing. You’re curling in on yourself, just slightly, as if that can staunch the sorrow seeping from you. Your lower lip trembles, but Sae can see the anger starting to filter in, a sunset bleeding across the horizon.

You blink away your unshed tears; the remnants of them leave your lashes glistening, the sunlight catching in them like a prism. Sae watches you piece yourself back together, your anger the glue, glowing through you in kintsugi gold.

You take a deep breath.

“You’re such an asshole,” you murmur.

He doesn’t bother to refute it. He knows this is where most people would apologize, but he won’t. Not for telling you the truth.

“I want to see her,” he says instead. “Can I come over tomorrow?”

You go stiff, a marionette pulled upright by its strings. He wonders if you’re thinking of what you both know: Sae does not ask for things. He does them, consequences be damned. It’s an olive branch, one barely blooming, a twig of a thing. But it’s there.

“No.”

Sae doesn’t flinch, but he feels his jaw go tight, his teeth clicking together, bone against bone. He flexes his fingers at his side.

“You—” he starts, voice chilled, a blade of ice.

“You can’t just walk into her life,” you say, cutting him off sharply.

It stops him in his tracks. He’s not used to that, not anymore. People tend to listen when he talks. The surprise keeps him from responding, giving you enough time to add:

“And you can’t just walk back into mine.”

He doesn’t need long to recover, though. “Even though you miss me.”

Your expression twists, souring at the edges, the first hint of rot in overripe fruit. “That doesn’t matter.”

“I think it does.”

“I don’t care what you think, Sae.”

“Yes,” he says, “You do.”

You sink your teeth into your lower lip, denting the plush flesh. “You’re such an asshole,” you tell him again.

“I know.”

The wind picks up; it catches at your clothing, plucking at it with playful fingers. You smooth the fluttering fabric back down with a trembling hand.

“You can’t see her,” you say softly. “She won’t understand.”

“Won’t understand what?”

“Why you have to leave again.”

“You don’t know that.”

You sigh. “I do,” you say. “It’s hard enough with—”

You pause, clamping your mouth shut before you can finish your sentence. Something cold curls through Sae, a winter river that snakes between the banks of his ribs.

“With Rin, right?” he asks. “It’s hard enough with Rin.”

You watch him for a moment, your eyes wary, a rabbit peeking out from the brush. You nod.

Sae exhales through his nose. “I see,” he says coldly.

You wince. “Sae—”

“Don’t.”

It’s not his usual calm tone. It’s shatterglass, keen-edged and ready to cut. He hates it.

Your eyes widen. There’s something in your expression that Sae doesn’t want to name. It catches beneath his skin like a burr, sharp and unrelenting.

“Sae,” you say softly. “I—”

A piercing cry rents the air, splits it apart like a blade. Sae blinks, but you’re already whirling around, heading for the tree Rin has settled under with the stroller. His brother is hefting the screaming girl into his arms, his big hand stroking along the slip of her spine, but she’s still wailing, a high, animal keen. She reaches for you as soon as she sees you, her chubby hands grasping at air.

She buries her face in your neck as you cradle her. Sae’s too far to hear what you’re murmuring, but her wailing starts to trail off. Your hand settles at the back of her head, cupping her close, a gentle promise.

Sae steps forward just as Rin shifts, curling around you like a shield. There’s a flash of turquoise heat; Rin’s expression is a dare.

He should know better. Sae has never been one to back down.

He ignores Rin and comes closer, until your voice floats to him. It’s softer now, but it’s steady. Sure.

“It was a scary dream, huh?” you say, pressing a kiss to the crown of the girl’s head. “It’s okay. You’re awake now. Let’s go home, yeah?”

The girl’s answer is lost in the salt of your skin, her face still glued into the curve of your neck. You seem to understand the squashed words perfectly, though. You hum an agreement and adjust her in your arms. She finally peels away from the cradle of your neck. There’s silvery tear tracks mapped across her chubby cheeks. From under her wet eyelashes, there’s a peek of teal, a crescent moon of familiar color. She sobs again, low and wrenching.

Something twists through Sae, a tender bruise being pressed. He takes another step forward, but before he gets close enough to garner your attention, Rin slinks forward, blocking him.

Sae gives him a sharp look, but Rin’s thundercloud scowl only darkens.

“Not now,” his brother hisses. “Are you stupid, you shitty brother?”

Sae glances past him. His daughter has buried her face in your neck again; only the sunset sheen of her hair is visible. You’re curled protectively around her even as you search the stroller for something.

Sae is not one to back down, but he also knows how to pick his battles.

He nods to Rin; his brother blinks, his scowl softening in his surprise. Rin watches him for a moment before clicking his tongue. He doesn’t nod back, but Sae doesn’t need him to.

Sae watches as Rin turns back to you and coaxes the stroller out of your grip.

“Let’s go,” he says gruffly.

“Okay,” you say, hushing the girl as she whimpers softly. “Got everything?”

“Yeah.”

You glance back at Sae. It’s only for a breath. For a moment, he thinks you’ll say something, but you don’t. You turn around and start down the park’s path, Rin pushing the stroller at your side.

Sae watches until the verdant throat of the park swallows the three of you up.

You don’t look back again.

#juni writes bllk #itoshi sae x reader #sae x reader #bllk x reader #blue lock x reader #itoshi sae x you #blue lock x you

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