#I mean look at the eyes
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I started doodling again. Maybe some "real" art will follow. I am, I think, more ok than I was. I am on my way there at least. May this B-man bring someone joy. I know I felt nice making it :)
ID: A black sketch of a simple comic-style Batman. He's hanging down and curving so that he can look at you better. There is a sketchy bubble next to him saying "Are you ok?" In a top corner there's an arrow pointing to the end of his cape with the text "just hanging (out) somewhere". End ID
#halloween sketch#I mean look at the eyes#batman fanart#traditional art#sketch#I almost made him a pumpkin as well and some gravestones#.......now THERE's a thought#miiiight do it? idk#should be replying to emails xD#ID#dry media#arkham asylum a serious house on serious earth-esque#or Perp Walk. that comic is extremely nice even tho it's super short
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truth serum / system reveal au where shen qingqiu gets hit with an uncloaking spell that reveals the system in the reflection of his eyes every time it pops up.
during one of his missions, in the treasure hoard of some dragon-like creature, he finds a golden, oval shaped hand mirror, its gaudy style more victorian based than anything (airplane you hack!), that doesn't seem to do anything when he looks into it. but when he does, it reveals the system's screen in his eyes.
he doesn't notice this, of course, because he can't see it, and the system, surprisingly, stays quiet.
the peak lords think he's cursed.
maybe mu qingfang is the first to notice, during the mandatory post mission check-up, when shen qingqiu is scrolling through his most recently accumulated points and mu qingfang can see the strange vividly-blue lines reflected in his pupils. it's gone when shen qingqiu blinks, like it was nothing but a trick of the light.
it comes out when yue qingyuan is visiting and, just as he's done laying out the plans for a new mission, shen qingqiu's eyes glaze over and a bright blue box takes over the whole of his iris. shen qingqiu goes quiet; the thing in his eyes moves, shifts, pulses for a second, like static worms crawling all over his pupils. then he blinks, and it's gone, and shen qingqiu accepts the mission that yue qingyuan was almost sure he would decline.
maybe there is an intervention, when the peak lords corner shen qingqiu at qian cao peak and try to figure out what's wrong, subjecting him to all kinds of treatments and curse-finding spells that turn up empty, they can't find anything.
of course, the silencing threat is still very much up and running. at first shen qingqiu was kind of confused by the whole ordeal, but when the peak lords start describing a "strange blue box", he realizes, with sickening suddenty, that they're describing the system. and he can't say anything.
this only makes everything worse, because their fellow peak lord now keeps evading every question and acts like he doesn't understand. liu qingge points right at his face and asks, "that blue box, what is it?" and shen qingqiu laughs nervously and starts talking about how bright the weather is and surely it's the sky and nothing to worry about!
even worse, during the intervention the system thought it was a good idea to start talking to him, so now even the peak lords who hadn't seen it and who might have been persuaded by light tricks and reflections, get a first row view that no, that definitely isn't a trick of the light.
they try to do the whole thing of "are you in danger, blink twice" but shen qingqiu can't even do that because it's still a direct admittance!
maybe eventually he starts saying vague confirmations that don't actually confirm anything, like "this master hears what you're saying", or maybe he goes with a classic "this master can neither confirm nor deny that." but the system starts warning him for that too and eventually he stops saying anything, which worries the others more.
luckily mu qingfang catches on that every time they ask a direct question about the box or shen qingqiu says anything vaguely confirming, it appears. it doesn't appear when they ask about curses or demons, so it must not see that as a threat.
for a little extra angst: maybe the peak lords keep pressuring him for answers, and at some point shen qingqiu gets fed up and snaps out something like, "why don't you understand that i'm not allowed to answer that!" the system counts this as a direct admittance, threatening it's existence. so it punishes. shen qingqiu has a qi deviation so bad it lasts two weeks and takes two people every day to cleanse his meridians. the system doesn't appear in that time. it doesn't appear for a long while after that, either. the peak lords stop asking, mainly because shen qingqiu will instantly leave the room if they do. they don't stop searching for a cure, though.
shang qinghua returns from a business trip and catches on the second someone mentions a blue box and forced silencing.
#i like the idea of sqq sort of disassociating every time he talks with the system#like his eyes go unfocused and he goes quiet and doesnt seem to hear what others are saying#and the others always thought that was odd but hey. whatever. until some strange *thing* started showing up#i do also like the idea of the system slowly allowing sqq more liberties#bc its decided it likes this storyline#liu qingge comes to cleanse sqqs meridians and gets red with anger when the system pops up in sqqs eyes#but then sqq reaches out to him and says ''no. it... likes you.''#the system doesnt (cant) really like anyone. but its gifting him friendship points when liu qingge visits him and that's positive?#liu qingge doesnt see it as positive and gets even more mad because what do you MEAN this monster enitity ''likes him''????#liu qingge is going to kill it the first chance he has!!#yue qingyuan talks about a mission looking for volunteers and you can *see* his face fall when the blue box appears#''it wants you to go. doesn't it?'' ''this shidi would like to join this mission.'' ''i understand.''#sometimes the blue box appears and sqq looks *stricken*. like he just saw something really awful#but he just cant talk about it#svsss#scum villain's self saving system#scum villain#shen qingqiu#yue qingyuan#mu qingfang#system svsss#svsss au#reveal au
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thinking about a sadist telling me im not allowed to cum and then immediately making me cum on purpose just so they can punish and make fun of me for not being able to follow directions
#im ..#hhhhhhhhhhhh#dear man from the car wash yesterday i am still thinking about you#Daddy? sorry... Daddy?? sorry.....#anyway i <3 sadists i <3 sadists i <3 sadists#dear sadists i love you im looking up at you with sparkly gay little eyes rn#camshitposts#mean <3#ns/ft blog#ftm nsft#t4t nsft#mlm nsft#forced org@sm#sadist kink#sadie kink#bd/sm masochist#masochistic sub#masochist kink#daddys boy#daddy k!nk#sadist dom#sadistic daddy#mean daddy
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sex pollen trope where you're the one affected, having been exposed to some dense gas while on an op that felt like harsh sandpaper across your throat and lungs, and now you're a feverish mess on some ratty cot in a safe house and with only ghost as company, it's miserable, as the saying goes.
hair sticking to your sweaty skin, plastered onto your forehead and neck, every swallow feeling like you've got a mouthful of sand, your fluttering pulse wild and deafening in your ears, and the throbbing ache deep in your core, the blistering heat right below your navel— it'd only been uncomfortable in the beginning, the faint throbbing incredibly familiar, but the more you ignored it, the worse it got.
and now you're here, with arousal sticking your underwear to your pussy, unable to do anything about it because your lieutenant is seated in a corner that lets him have both you and the front door within his line of sight. a quick, discreet rub under your clothes is not an option.
someone put you out of your foggy misery.
"squirmin' like a worm on a 'ook isn't gonna help." his staring doesn't either, yet he does it anyway.
"got to make sure ya aren't dyin' on me." you want to snap that you don't think proof of life is on the darkened stain between your legs, the retort pressed behind clenched teeth but another thick wave of bestial need rolls over you and god, you're about to shove your hand into your underwear, propriety be damned—
"best you don't do tha'." why the fuck not? "you'll only get relief for a moment 'fore it comes back twofold." he says as if he's reading off the morning paper and not watching you fight tooth and nail to not fuck yourself against the pillow your head is on. (soap's offer to be friends with benefits is only looking better by the hour.)
you hastily decide that it'll be better than nothing. you'll just have to rub your pussy raw until this drug runs its course and you're telling him to piss off or don't, but you've had enough. you're stuck here with him anyway, no flight home until the morn and you're not about to spend it writhing around.
"if tha's wha' you want," ghost bites his gloves off, spitting them out onto the ground before curling his hands around your ankles and dragging you toward him. "i will help." your entire world narrows down to the feel of him touching your skin, his fingers searing as they hook into the waistband of your pants, and you almost kick him in the mouth trying to get them off faster.
"but 'm not fuckin' you." the bite of disappointment is quickly forgotten, his breath warm against your slick pussy, and after three quick glides of his tongue over your pearl, your orgasm crests, pulse after pulse of pleasure so potent it stung.
in less than a minute you're burning again, need thrumming through you and with the heady push and drag of his middle finger over your sensitive nerves, curling in you until he can fit two, three—
you're lost.
(ghost telling you that he's not doing anything else because if he's going to fuck you then you're going to remember it falls on ringing ears.)
#the next day you look ran through and feel hungover#price giving you a sympathetic pat on the back is humiliating#ghost looking at you straight in the eye even more so#whatever you said you didnt mean it :/#but *he* did and you not knowing that all he's waiting on is the green light from the doc to pounce will make it all the sweeter#until then he's not bringing anything up#did it happen or did you hallucinate#also cue him sniffing his fingers while youre finally asleep cuz eau de pussy is his favorite <3#i firmly believe he likes the smell of come and he will absolutely not wash his hands the pig#simon ghost riley x reader#simon ghost riley x you#simon ghost riley smut#simon ghost riley#simon riley x reader#cod smut#simon riley x you
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i think maggie would be the only person in the leverage universe who DOES notice the leverage team members occasionally becoming famous. like she’d tune into the world news and then have to call the team to check if sophie really died in a small european country during a turbulent election. "no but wasn’t my funeral so poignant? they put my face on the $20 note!" okay great glad to know you’re not dead. she watches a game of baseball on TV and just sighs deeply when the camera pans to eliot. next time she sees the team, she compliments his baseball skills. for some reason he mutters something about a sandwich while looking wistfully into the distance.
#leverageposting#leverage#maggie leverage#maggie collin’s#she’s the only person immune to tv logic in a tv show (usually)#i mean as much as i joke abt ‘oh wouldnt ppl notice that sophie looks like a murdered first lady’ the answer is rlly no probably not#but maggie’s eye for detail + picking up on irregularities + awareness of lev team + tendency to run into lev team…#she’s like ‘how are you out there clark kenting it and not getting caught’ it bothers her#and she’s basically cursed with this knowledge. it keeps happening to her.
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it's because i wouldn't let you kill the bounty hunter isn't it
#he's so mean 2 me#bg3#baldurs gate 3#astarion#bg3 tav#these files were titled 'asstarion' on my computer#that'll show him#managed to redress my finger so i can draw#but seeing as this is my first time drawing asstarion i'm not gonna go full lineart and colour#it was fun though he's got a great face#hate drawing his hair though#sorry you don't want to fuck me astarion#sorry you don't have good taste 😤#also i gave my tav pure black eyes and now every time he frowns it looks like he's got these big puppydog eyes i love him so much
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Thinking about DP x DC Jason Todd being a revenant again. Here's my scenario. Jason gets called that by some ghost. He's like "what the fuck is that supposed to mean?" He's heard the term before but he doesn't know any actual lore. He googles it. He scrolls past the Leonardo DiCaprio bear movie. He opens the wiki. Sees the words "animated corpse" and gets a chill diwn his spine. He starts reading the first section.
He closes Wikipedia.
That night he has a nightmare that his family buried him, again, this time with precautions. He wakes up in his own grave, full of stones, too heavy to move, to scream.
#CANT STOP THINKING ABOUT THIS#like reading this section in the context of jason is SO HORRIFYING#the idea of someone knowing it was possible for him to come back. to wake up down there. and wanting to keep him there#stay dead. we want you dead. you're too troublesome alive. you're meant to be down there.#so anyways. jason internalizing all this shit and feeling uncomfortable in his own body because he's thinking of it as a corpse#and of himself as haunting a place he doesn't belong#and then meeting danny and danny says 'wow you're a revenant aren't you! The dead so restless they can't bear to stay in their graves'#and he smiles. 'You're amazing. Your will is so strong'#and the Ghost King tells Jason 'You're alive but that doesn't mean you aren't one of mine. I will come for you'#and batman says 'we will keep you safe from that entity and his threats. you don't belong to him'#and jason says 'he didn't mean i was his possession. he said i was his responsibility. he said he would help me if i ever needed him'#and bruce sees the faraway look in his son's eyes and doesn't know what to say#okay I'm done#for now#dp x dc#dpxdc#revenant jason todd#danny phantom#dc#batfam#jason todd#my rambles#my writing
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Macbeth moshang,
#moshang#mobei jun#shang qinghua#sv#scum villain#twitter is now officially banned in brazil#meaning I moved to bsky#in honor of this occasion#I decided to take out yet another art#this time the macbeth parody#inspired by those cool play posters#bc they rly work well for moshang I think!#also other 2 things:#sqh is the crown and the sword and I honestly think he loves this#and the second thing is that I will never get tired of making sqh focused only on mbj#while mbj is breaking the 4th wall to smite us all with his eyes#yes mbj; we dare look at your sqh hehehehehe
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Vil can resist any puppy eyes.... except his own children's.
Continuation of Vil obviously not having younger siblings/pushy wards.
#Koffi taught Urcon how to do the puppy eyes#they've been nightnares ever since#Falena gets tricked into giving them anything too lol#i mean look at them#mello's drawings#twisted wonderland#twst#n2 squad#Future!n2#n2 children#leojami#leovil#javil#jamil viper#leona kingscholar#vil schoenheit#twst oc#my art
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on a completely separate note; shizun luo binghe with a disciple shen yuan who fell into the abyss??? *thinks about LBH canonically stealing SQQ's corpse for 5 years* he'd hallucinate i think. like, like visual and audial hallucinations.
Keeps thinking he's seeing SQQ in the corner of his eyes, or wandering between the trees, amongst a group of disciples. Thinks he hears him calling for him, but its just the wind or another disciple.
Gets Xiu Ya reforged but patently fucking refuses to make a sword mound. Because his disciple Is Not Dead :))) There was No Body. He's Not Dead. And If You keep Insisting That He Is, He's Gonna Skewer You :). He's holding onto Xiu Ya so he can return his most favored disciple's sword when he returns. It's on his hip right next to Zheng Yang where it's supposed to be.
Also this motherfucker?? does not sleep btw. He has the image of SQQ, wide eyed and hysterical and standing at the mouth of the abyss burned into his fucking eyelids. Can't use the dreamscape to escape it either because he keeps trying to save him and either he does and it's an incredibly cruel trick to wake up to, or he doesn't and he gets his heart broken in several different pieces again.
There is no convincing this man that Shen Qingqiu is dead. Absolutely nothing at all. He is buried so deep in denial that moles would be jealous of how deep he is. He keeps making tea for two in the bamboo house only to remember that it's just him. SQQ's fans are hiding everywhere, little reminders of his presence. He goes to wake up SQQ on the mornings he sleeps in-- only to find the room empty.
#svsss#luo binghe#svsss au#scum villain#scum villian self saving system#shen yuan#shen qingqiu#disciple shen yuan#lbh. visibly exhausted and with twitchy eyes: im fine :) | everyone else: ho no the fuck you ARENT.#SQQ was hysterical not because he found out LBH was half-demon but bc he was having a long-awaited mental breakdown over his autonomy :)#or (limited) lack thereof. he was having a sudden onset crisis of mortality and was handling at quite literally the WORST time. oops#im thinking very hard that LBH would never push his disciple into the abyss especially with no system to force him to. so SQQ either#had to goad him into it (failing always) or throw himself in. he ended up doing it himself but not before some very impressive hysterics.#BUT ALSO. IF THIS HAD BEEN WHERE SQQ WAS THE HALF-HEAVENLY DEMON INSTEAD IT WOULD'VE BEEN SO GREAT.#and by great i mean horribly angsty bc SQQ is NOT doing too hot and has. in very SY-like fashion. convinced himself that LBH will kill him#when he finds out he's a demon. so when it comes out i have this mental image of him lunging at LBH and LBH flinches back. but SQQ wraps hi#hands around the blade of Zheng Yang and yanks it up so the tip of the blade is digging into his chest where is heart is. LBH can't yank th#sword away without risking slicing into SQQ's hands. SQQ's hair has fallen out of its tail/bun and is now messily spilling down his#back and its NO helping the kinda deranged look he has going on. he's visibly shaking and his eyes keep flittering away and back at LBH's#face. SQQ is looking at the messages from the system warning him that he has to go into the abyss or punishment will occur. he's like.#rambling though. talking about how shizun doesn't *like* unclean things and there is nothing more unclean than a demon. like he is#INSISTING. LBH can't?? get a fucking word in. actually. SY isn't listening that much either anyways. too overwhelmed with the system and#the amount of stress he's under and his crumbling mental state and the innate and primal desire to live even when he's standing in front of#his own executioner. it all ends with him sitting on the ground at the lip of the abyss with his hair falling in his face. he looks so#unkempt and fallen apart and so distinctly *non-Shen Qingqiu* that LBH feels physically ill over it. tears are streaming down SQQ's face#and despite everything he is smiling. its not a nice smile. its a very frayed falling apart at the seams about to crack smile.#he tells shizun not to worry about staining his blade with this disciple's filthy blood because this disciple will take care of it himself.#and then he falls into the abyss before luo binghe can so much as grab him. the only reason LBh doesn't literally jump in after him is bc#he was numb with shock and the abyss was already closed before he could feel his legs again :]
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Wade is always winning at the pay attention to me game.
In this case grand prize is hour long lecture about spiders reproduction (and also genetics, don't forget the genetics ;P)
#spiderverse#wade wilson#deadpool#miguel o'hara#spiderman 2099#spideypool#deadfang#technically also#poolverang#see how nicely Miguel is wingmanning for Logan#so thoughtfull#so nice#he hasn't considered that little wolverine babies are probably even more of a nightmare that spider babies are#i mean looking at Mayday who is a little angel and a perfect baby maybe it's even more true#on the other hand if the baby would took after miguelito... it would fulfill the demon baby visual cues to the t? lol#glow in the dark red eyes#cure little venomous as fuck fangs#even cuter wittle claws to crawl on a ceiling like horror cliche#spooky season requirements fulfilled 10/10#i guess the baby would be even cuter than Mayday to balance it out xD
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transformers go go is reviving me after transformers one tore my heart to shreds, taped it back together, put it in a kiln and threw it off a cliff where those pieces then get destroyed by corrosion and smashed into by a blind shark, WHY ARE THESE SO SOUL SUCKINGLY CUTE
#the damn fucking whiplash I got coming back from tfone bawling my eyes out going through grief and then seeing cutie patootie baby pies#collapsing from cuteness go go stuff. It requires medical attention I fear and by medical attention I mean therapy#BUMBLEBEE OH BUMBLEBEE MY CHILD im going to kidnap you and keep you in a tower#they're looking at bumblebee because look at the baby!!#ARIEL IS SO CUTE AND PRETTY I LOVE HER#the other two give me depression i can't talk about them rn#transformers#elita one#elita 1#optimus prime#orion pax#d 16#megatron#tf bumblebee#b 127#transformers go! go!#transformers ariel#tf ariel#transformers one
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But it will
#sonic the hedgehog#sth#sonic art#miles tails prower#unbreakable bond#those eyes man..he cant say no#I MEAN LOOK AT HIM#also sorry it's so rushed and scribbly- I drew this at work when I should've been. yknow. working 💀#but I couldn't get this out of my head and NEEEEEEDED IT OUT
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One of my favorite things in a good romance is when scenes are repeated to show character growth/used to bookend the arc of the romance (Mr. Darcy sharing his feelings with Lizzy, anyone?) and today I’m thinking about the two scenes of Gale getting on his knees and taking Tav’s hand.
How it starts: Gale hesitantly letting Tav into his heart, letting Tav be the first person he’s shared the truth with, the first person whose touch he’s felt in over a year. The way that he clings desperately to their hand, needing their help but unsure if they will give it. The way that his expression is pleading but hopeless, his eyes dry as he awaits Tav’s judgement—because he knows that no matter what their answer is, the orb is growing more unstable, and this is probably the beginning of the end of his life.
How it ends: Gale, having not only let Tav into his heart, but given it to them fully. The way that he no longer needs to cling to their hand, but instead takes it gently, worshipfully, knowing this is the hand that saved his life. The way that there’s no trace of uncertainty in his expression, just fully bared emotion and adoration—because the orb is no longer a threat, Tav has said yes to his marriage proposal, and this is not just the beginning of the rest of his life, but the beginning of the rest of their life, together.
#I will continue to rant about our perfect wizard and his perfect romance 💘 I can’t help it#I mean my god look at the heart eyes in full force in the second pic compared to the first#You can SEE the difference 🥹#gale of waterdeep#gale dekarios#baldur’s gate 3#bg3#galemancer
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so one of the things that's so horrifying about birth control is that you have to, like, navigate this incredibly personal choice about your body and yet also face the epitome of misogyny. like, someone in the comments will say it wasn't that bad for me, and you'll be utterly silenced. like, everyone treats birth control like something that's super dirty. like, you have no fucking information or control over this thing because certain powerful people find it icky.
first it was the oral contraceptives. you went on those young, mostly for reasons unrelated to birth control - even your dermatologist suggested them to control your acne. the list of side effects was longer than your arm, and you just stared at it, horrified.
it made you so mentally ill, but you just heard that this was adulthood. that, yes, there are of course side effects, what did you expect. one day you looked up yasmin makes me depressed because surely this was far too intense, and you discovered that over 12,000 lawsuits had been successfully filed against the brand. it remains commonly prescribed on the open market. you switched brands a few times before oral contraceptives stopped being in any way effective. your doctor just, like, shrugged and said you could try a different brand again.
and the thing is that you're a feminist. you know from your own experience that birth control can be lifesaving, and that even when used for birth control - it is necessary healthcare. you have seen it save so many people from such bad situations, yourself included. it is critical that any person has access to birth control, and you would never suggest that we just get rid of all of it.
you were a little skeeved out by the implant (heard too many bad stories about it) and figured - okay, iud. it was some of the worst pain you've ever fucking experienced, and you did it with a small number of tylenol in your system (3), like you were getting your bikini line waxed instead of something practically sewn into your body.
and what's wild is that because sometimes it isn't a painful insertion process, it is vanishingly rare to find a doctor that will actually numb the area. while your doctor was talking to you about which brand to choose, you were thinking about the other ways you've been injured in your life. you thought about how you had a suspicious mole frozen off - something so small and easy - and how they'd numbed a huge area. you thought about when you broke your wrist and didn't actually notice, because you'd thought it was a sprain.
your understanding of pain is that how the human body responds to injury doesn't always relate to the actual pain tolerance of the person - it's more about how lucky that person is physically. maybe they broke it in a perfect way. maybe they happened to get hurt in a place without a lot of nerve endings. some people can handle a broken femur but crumble under a sore tooth. there's no true way to predict how "much" something actually hurts.
in no other situation would it be appropriate for doctors to ignore pain. just because someone can break their wrist and not feel it doesn't mean no one should receive pain meds for a broken wrist. it just means that particular person was lucky about it. it should not define treatment.
in the comments of videos about IUDs, literally thousands of people report agony. blinding, nauseating, soul-crushing agony. they say things like i had 2 kids and this was the worst thing i ever experienced or i literally have a tattoo on my ribs and it felt like a tickle. this thing almost killed me or would rather run into traffic than ever feel that again.
so it's either true that every single person who reports severe pain is exaggerating. or it's true that it's far more likely you will experience pain, rather than "just a pinch." and yet - there's nothing fucking been done about it. it kind of feels like a shrug is layered on top of everything - since technically it's elective, isn't it kind of your fault for agreeing to select it? stop being fearmongering. stop being defensive.
you fucking needed yours. you are almost weirdly protective of it. yours was so important for your physical and mental health. it helped you off hormonal birth control and even started helping some of your symptoms. it still fucking hurt for no fucking reason.
once while recovering from surgery, they offered you like 15 days of vicodin. you only took 2 of them. you've been offered oxy for tonsillitis. you turned down opioids while recovering from your wisdom tooth extraction. everything else has the option. you fucking drove yourself home after it, shocked and quietly weeping, feeling like something very bad had just happened. the nurse that held your hand during the experience looked down at you, tears in her eyes, and said - i know. this is cruelty in action.
and it's fucked up because the conversation is never just "hey, so the way we are doing this is fucking barbaric and doctors should be required to offer serious pain meds" - it's usually something around the lines of "well, it didn't kill you, did it?"
you just found out that removing that little bitch will hurt just as bad. a little pinch like how oral contraceptives have "some" serious symptoms. like your life and pain are expendable or not really important. like maybe we are all hysterical about it?
hysteria comes from the latin word for uterus, which is great!
you stand here at a crossroads. like - this thing is so important. did they really have to make it so fucking dangerous. and why is it that if you make a complaint, you're told - i didn't even want you to have this in the first place. we're told be careful what you wish for. we're told that it's our fault for wanting something so illict; we could simply choose not to need medication. that maybe if we don't like the scraps, we should get ready to starve.
we have been saying for so long - "i'm not asking you to remove the option, i'm asking you to reconsider the risk." this entire time we hear: well, this is what you wanted, isn't it?
#where's the word woman in this u might wonder if u suck#good news i am nonbinary and have a uterus so that is something that can happen#im also gender fluid tho which means im immune to certain psychic damage bc if u call me a woman i'll be like <3 okay <3#writeblr#the tightrope of ''ppl need access to this''#and like also#''what the fuck is going on over there'' is like. so difficult as an activist#i was <3 punctured <3 during mine#and almost bled out on the table :) they didn't have anyone standing by bc it's ''just a little insertion''#so i started crashing and i vaguely remember apologizing for the fuss as i heard my heart rate monitor start going <3 tachycardic <3#she wasn't even a bad doctor tbh#ps btw the reason i even HAD a heart monitor is that i have a genuine heart condition and they knew GOING IN that there was a chance#i'd crash on the table#like my heart just likes to do fun little tricks and <3 stop working <3 (i do not want to discuss the specifics ty i am okay im ontop of it#and they were like 'oh u will be fine' and then she did do a puncture thru my uterus . pop!#and im sitting there dizzy and feeling my heartrate start to drop bc it feels almost. beautiful. like. the whole ground just#woosh! out from under you. and shit is like grey's anatomy. i'm looking up at her grey eyes#she's old she wears this nice shawl she's like got Cool Lesbian vibes and people are sprinting into the room#from other parts of the clinic unrelated to me. while the monitor is like a little aria singing#and shes like hey youre okay stay awake stay with me something went wrong we have to keep trying#and i remember thinking - i was trying to think of nice things. i have so many beautiful places that now overlap#with this terrible memory#i became dimly aware that there was too much on her wrists and hands. like#that was too many liters#and then when they had finished all this. i packed up and drove myself home#i have had (bad thing) happen to me. and the same feeling happened after#that numb almost lamblike bleating. you cry without noise. like. ur body is so shocked and ur mind so empty#you just stare at the road and everything everything is happening behind glass and static and you are standing so far away from it#while you hold ur hands at 10 and 2. and something in ur brain is SCREAMING at you - IT WAS BAD AND IT SHOULDNT HAVE HAPPENED#and ur just watching the alarms in your body going off and youre thinking. a little pinch! ha. i think i just lost something important.
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wade can talk about noble sacrifice and marvel jesusing all he wants but he was ready to die for his friends and for logan, instead of logan, because he wanted him to live. “say hi to my friends for me, peanut”, says the man who wants logan to become a part of the group, a pack, again, to take his place in protecting the people he loves, probably the only one he trusts to do so. and there is so much love in his desire for logan to stay alive and finally experience something good in life
#this realization hit me like a train and im writing this with shaking hands and wet eyes because there is!!! so much!!!! love!!! in!!! this!#and look. i know i could be overthinking this a bit and add some meanings that canon writers didn't mean to put in there#but the power of the good story!!! is that it has space and it allows its readers to breathe and fill the said spaces!!!#with their interpretations of the story!!!! and that's exactly what dp&w has!!!#anyway yea i keep decomposing in the pit called poolverine#deadpool and wolverine#wade wilson#logan howlett#deadpool#wolverine#deadclaws#poolverine#**dw
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