#I mean it’s to the point I had to spend multiple days figuring out how to find and book a therapist bc despite asking repeatedly I just get

[the-s1lly-corner]

A Rock (Hoodie x Reader) (Ending 6)

It took a few extra days but it's done! Sorry if this is a little off, Ive been in a bit of a funk lately and im only just getting back into writing fics so this may be iffy grrr as usual, there will be a poll at the bottom to determine the next ending hooray notes: reader is gn, nonverbal hoodie, he uses sign language, you are learning sign but arent very good yet, asl is used here cws: none word count: 2.1k

You reach your hand into the hat and pull out…

A rock. The kind you can find just anywhere, it was nothing special. If anything it was heavy in your hand as you curled your fingers around it and displayed it to everyone in the room. You glanced at Jeff for an answer, and even he seemed to be at a loss for who put it in. At least, that was until a tall figure stepped closer and stood over his shoulder.

Hoodie.

Jeff didn’t even notice him until the taller man pointed at you- or perhaps the rock- from over Jeff’s shoulder. “Christ-” Jeff barked as he spun around and glared up to the proxy. Hoodie gave no response, his gaze seemingly fixed right onto you. His mask made him impossible to read, but you couldn’t help but fight the need to squirm under his eyes. You slowly rise to your feet and circle around the couch. By the time you joined the pair Jeff had calmed himself enough to attempt to drag you down the hall to the closet you’d spend the next seven minutes in. 

“Seven minutes,” Jeff huffed, still clearly miffed from being startled. 

You give him one last glance as you back up into the closet, your back making contact with the wall of flesh behind you right as the door closes. You jolt, and spin around to face the proxy in front of you. He was so much taller than Masky or Toby, and he nearly took up all of the free space in the closet. You push yourself against the door and cane your neck awkwardly to him as he tried to hunch himself to fit under the shelf above his head… the sight slightly undoing some of the nerves eating away at you. 

“I guess the closet is too small, huh?” You ask in an attempt to break the silence. The words felt stupid as they left your mouth, but you couldn’t take them back now. Hoodie paused in his struggle, and stared at you. The red frowny face on his mask was nearly impossible to see in the dark… you weren’t sure if he looked more intimidating with or without it. 

He didn’t say anything, and for a moment you thought he hadn’t heard you- until he raised his hand and made a motion. Multiple motions with both hands, actually. 

He was signing. 

How could you forget? You’ve seen him signing to some of the others before. 

Yet that didn’t aid you in trying to decipher what he was saying, the limited studying of sign language only barely aiding you. 

“Wait-” Your eyes darted from his hands to his face. “I’m not… the best at sign,” 

Hoodie’s hands pause in mid air for a few seconds, before signing once more.

This batch of signs you could understand.

He was tall, and the closet was small. You being here did nothing to help- though with the way he conveyed his body language he didn’t sound accusatory. At least, you think so.

You clasp your hands together and look away once he finishes. You scrape your brain in order to find something to say, anything to start a conversation. You weren’t sure if you could handle seven minutes in absolutely silence- with nothing being said or signed.

“You know, maybe when we’re out of here you can give me some pointers on how I’m doing- I mean, with the signing. I’ve been trying to figure it out so you have someone else to talk to asides Masky, and uh… Toby… and I guess Slenderman…” You mutter, trailing off as Hoodie lightly waved his hand to get your attention.

“You were learning for me?” Was what you picked up, you hoped you were correct. 

You nod and swallow the uncomfortable lump in your throat. “Yeah, I mean… I’m not very good at it but I know how to finger spell and I know some of the bare basic signs, still trying to figure out full sentences and… stuff…” You offer a shrug. 

He grows still for a long moment. 

A very long moment. 

You drum your fingers along the back of the door. “Do… you want to switch spots? Being scrunched up like that can’t be comfortable,” 

That seems to bring him back, and he nods. He’s the first to start moving first, shuffling against the wall in order to not squish you while also not tripping on anything unseen on the floor. You’d think that they’d sweep through the closet before using it for a game played in the dark, however that… did not seem to be the case as Hoodie’s feet gets caught on something on the floor- a spare jacket or something of the like. The sudden shift sends him falling forward, and if he hadn’t slammed his hands on either side of you he would have crushed you against the door with his entire weight. His face came to a stop next to yours, you couldn’t feel his breath on you but you could most certainly hear it as he tried to regain him composure. This was quite possibly the most noise you’ve heard from him from the entire time you’ve known him. 

You hear footsteps outside before they pause. Then;

“You alright-t?” 

It was Toby. 

You try to steady your breath, which only proved to be near impossible as Hoodie kept you trapped between him and the door. “We’re..” You start, only now aware that the fall and scramble had slightly pushed Hoodie’s mask up to reveal his lower jaw.

You never took him for one to have some facial hair…

“We’re fine, Hoodie just slipped on something,” You finally draw out. You bring your hands to the man’s wrists and try to help him up. He continues to slip on whatever has been left on the floor. 

Toby only gives a soft okay, before walking away after a moment of lingering. 

He finally manages to get to his feet- not only that but he quickly switches positions in an instant before he has the chance to slip once more. It happens so fast that you hardly have time to register it before the force of movement has you tugged right against his chest. It’s a few seconds later that he releases your wrists. 

And of course, he slammed loud into the door for a second time… what were the others thinking was happening? You didn’t want to think about it. 

You could feel his heart beating in his chest as you shifted your face around to look up at him. Despite being released, you remained in the pose you landed in against him… you finally let your hands fall to a rest at your sides. 

With a mask covered face, it made it easy for you to stare at him for a little longer than you would like to admit. No visible eyes made you feel too comfortable remaining pressed deep against him. Though, he didn’t make any attempt to remove you from him. In fact, he remained entirely still under you. 

When he did budge, it was to raise his hands to the edges of his mask and pull it back down to cover the parts that were exposed to you. You… weren’t sure what came over you, but your hands found themselves back around his wrists- holding them in place as his fingers hooked on his mask.

“Wait…” You say, half muffled as you shift your mouth away from the fabric of his jacket. “Can…” 

His hands twitched in your grasp.

“Can I see?” You asked softly. 

Hoodie’s hands remained still as he turned your request over in his head. Enough of his face was visible that you could see dimples forming and unforming on his jaw as he seemingly worked unspoken words in his mouth. 

…then he slowly started to raise his hands, slowly revealing his face.

You… actually weren’t expecting him to be so quick to show you…

As it rised, you could see the facial hair lining his jaw clearly now, he seemed to be a few days past a shave- nothing too much, faint nonetheless. Your eyes raked across each feature as they revealed themselves- first his mouth, then his nose and cheeks, and finally his eyes. They were tired, but there was something intense in them that shot warmth through you. 

He let the mask rest scrunched up at his hairline, pushing back any hair he might have had- keeping it out of sight. He must have had short hair. 

Your eyes flick across each part of his face before settling somewhere away from the look his eyes were giving you. 

“You look…”

He tilts his head to the side.

“..Nice…” you manage to get out, and offer him a smile. He matches it. He lightly shakes his hands, reminding you that they were still held captive by yours- did you help him lift the mask, or was he simply letting you keep your hands there? 

Regardless you tug your hands away and place them somewhere on his upper arms. “You should take your mask off more often, at least around the mansion,” 

Hoodie shakes his face, but does not elaborate. You decide not to push him.

Besides, this was nice, wasn’t it? How many people could say that they’ve seen what he’s got hidden away? Not a lot, you were sure.

A secret shared between the two of you. 

You open your mouth only to screw it shut as someone knocked on the door. 

“One minute!” Jeff called out from the otherside. 

One minute? Already? 

Your eyes dart from Hoodie’s face to the door behind him, then back to his face. 

“Alright-” Jeff keeps knocking. “Alright! We heard!” 

Jeff gave one last knock before ceasing.

“You know…” You rest your head on Hoodie’s chest. “My doors always open if you want to come help me learn my signs, that offer is still open,” You smile. 

He… actually returns it.

His hands find themselves to your shoulders and gently push you off of him. His hands remain as he stares hard at you. 

“What? Do you need a payment for your time?” You tease. He shakes his head, but you find enough boldness inside you to tug him down to your height. “You know for a game about kissing and other things, we didn’t do anything,” 

You felt him warm under your touch as he picked up on what you were saying. 

A kiss for his time, if he wanted it. 

He seemed to weigh his options, fully aware that whatever happened next wouldn’t affect the offer to teach you later. 

He leaned in quick and pressed his lips against yours. It was hardly a peck, it was over as quick as it started. It took nothing for him to pull himself out of your grasp and rise to his full height. He tugged his mask down over his face just mere seconds before the door opened- but you caught the smirk tugging across his face before it was hidden away.

“You-” You hiss playfully, only to cut yourself off as the light blinded you. 

“Alright, both of you out!” Jeff stood to the side, tilting his head to the side to try to get a good look at the two of you. Asides from the stumbling, neither of you looked particularly roughed up. That… did not seem to stop the “knowing” look Jeff gave you as you shuffled out into the hallway, still reeling from the peck Hoodie had given you. “Man he really fucked you up didn’t he,” Jeff teased. You shoot him a glare that he only waves off, he tells you don’t need to play another round if you’re too spent.

You glare holes into the back of his head as he walked back to the living room where everyone else was… until Hoodie taps on your shoulder. You spin on your heel to face him, quickly softening your face. 

He points at you, and swirls his pointer fingers around in a loose circle. He then points his index finger to the ceiling…

No, he’s asking if you want to go upstairs and start your signing lessons.

You smile, and nod. “I didn’t think you’d want to start so soon,”

Not that you were complaining. 

“You’ll have to go easy on me, though, not at all a quick learner…” You mutter as you walked with him down the hall and towards the stairs. You ignore the looks some of the others gave the two of you as you both passed by.

[barabones]

I forget exactly where I saw the initial post asking for volunteers, but on July 10th, I reached out to the listed email. Jane, the organizer, got back to me right away and within an hour I was added in their discord.

Up until this point, I had been maintaining an average 8 ESims myself, so I already had experience checking in on them on a daily basis. The folks there helped me onboard with the spreadsheets for keeping track, and now it's very easy for me to catalog new ones I buy and record daily data usage. The whole process takes me maybe 20-40 minutes a day depending now on how many ESims actually need to be topped off.

Jane has been very up front with lots of the group's information, with frequent announcements about the groups current funds and amounts of daily ESims sent out. She and the others have been super helpful with getting funds to us when needed, and I've almost never had to actually spend any of my own money for any of this.

In the time that I've been volunteering, they figured out how to run a Business account with the Nomad ESim company. Which means that now and then they can just send 15 or so ESims my way, and I just catalog them and send the QRcodes towards Mirna and the Connecting Gaza folks. No more wasting time with the purchasing process, while getting a bit of a bulk discount on top of that.

We also share updates on whatever brand of ESims are most needed. When folks on the ground tell us that one network doesn't seem reliable, we are able to switch over for a while until either the networking issue is fixed, or we all pressure customer service enough to replace them for us.

There's also lots of complaining about new UI updates an general website bugs. There's surprisingly a lot of them and it's good to know other folks are getting info from customer service when things go wrong.

In August they made a meme channel

Anyways....

Lets get into some stats for myself. In 2 months (July 10- Sept12) I have:

Send off 171 ESims

Maintained around 60 active ones

Topped up these active ESims 139 times

Spend over $6400 donated dollars

I have multiple power users who have burned through close to 100GB. 2 of them have broken 200GB. These are most likely being used as hot spots.

Why am I sharing all of this? Mostly to show how easy it has been to make a marginal difference. I have helped at least 60 people stay connected with the outside world in just 2 months. Probably more if we assume some of the power users becoming hotspots for other folks. This is 20-40 minutes of my time a day, and I honestly regret not signing up to do this sooner.

I was specifically limiting myself to this workload because I wanted to test the waters. Those stats was me specifically not wanting to push myself and see what impact a normal person could make with 20 minutes a day. At this point I think I will be taking more advantage of Nomad's Tuesday discounts to really bulk up my numbers. It's pretty easy to buy 15 or so every Tuesday, and then send em over.

If you would like to join us in this endeavor, please reach out to Jane at cripsforesimsforgaza(at)gmail

We are specifically looking for people in European time zones, since a lot of us are in the Americas and that's quite a difference between us and Gaza. If not, that's no problem!

If you can't participate, that's totally fine, but please donate what you can! Folks like you are the ones who keep us going!

I hope this information has been useful in some way. Like I said, I wish I had heard about this group sooner, with how easy it has been to do. I can track my direct impact of what my daily time is doing for folks, and seeing the data be used up a little bit more day by day gives me hope for everyone in Gaza. Thank you for your time.

[isuckatwritingsobenice]

𝐇𝐢𝐬 𝐰𝐢𝐟𝐞.

Synopsis: What I think Alastors wife would be like, if he had one of course.

Warnings: mentions of blood, pinning, harassment?, Alastor being himself, not in a specific time period but at some point shifts to hell? Let me know if anyone is interested in a part two!!

Navigation!! // Masterlist!! // Serendipity Writes (event)

Alastors wife probably didnt like him at first, and that’s a guarantee. He likes a challenge, but Alastor also likes being liked by people. It fills his ego, makes him feel good about himself. He likes to watch people stumble and fall but quite literally cracks under the pressure of doing just that when it comes to winning you over. Chances were he was constantly trying to figure you out, for two reasons. One, being that he didn’t understand how you couldn’t like him. I mean come on, look at him! He’s got the charm, the manners, the style and the class, the status. What more could you want? The second reason being, the more you denied him, the more he took it as a challenge, the more he wanted you.

Well, surprise surprise, you dont like people with an image to keep up; and to his dismay, that’s exactly what he does. He projects an image. One he refuses to change, and even after marrying you, still doesn’t drop the image, but starts to become more real and honest with himself.

“People who project an image of themselves to others are just trying to fool themselves into being someone they aren’t.” Was what you told him.

Alastor had also asked you out multiple times before you finally said yes. Everyone knows Alastor is very picky with the people he chooses to surround himself with. Everyone he associates with is either there to serve him, or to provide him with something, even if they’re unaware of it. Which only made you trust him less. What purpose did you serve him? What if one day he found you no longer useful and tossed you to the side? Well what were you to do then?

Denying him proved to be a challenge in itself, seeing that he’s quite literally everywhere all at once.

He’d try cheap tricks first. Buying you gifts, constantly showing up at your doorstep with a bouquet of flowers or a stuffed animal. One time he even got you a whole gift basket of your favorite treats. How sweet~ if it was actually about you and not him just trying to patch up his ego. Well at least that was what you thought on the matter.

If that didnt work he’d resort to going ghost. After all, people only miss you when you’re gone right? Well not in this case. He had left you alone physically, at least to your knowledge, but he had still kept a close watch on you. Why, he just knew it would bother you that he suddenly stopped! Until he overheard you speaking with a friend about how happy you were to finally get some peace and quiet. Well that simply wouldn’t do. After all, you should always make an impact, and what kind of impact would he be leaving on you if you went back to your old boring life? No no that just wont do dear.

He’ll start showing back up at your doorstep, taking you on surprise outing to force you to spend time with him. He’ll take you on a walk around a nearby park, a restaurant one day, the picture show the next. He has a long list of places to take you, so you’ll never go to the same place twice! Get your dancing shoes because he’s gonna take you out to the town for the night, after all the city never sleeps! This is when he becomes less forceful, but more of a decent calm. He begins to listen more when you speak, and you actually begin to care about what he’s saying, what a shock!

It’s almost like a switch flips after your outings. He’ll take you to an orchestra show, snickering to himself when he sees your eyes begin to water as the show closes out. He’ll force you to hold onto his arm as he walks you across the street on a rainy night, making sure you don’t slip or trip on the wet pavement. If you ever do, he’ll try his best to catch you and if he doesn’t? Oh what a nightmare, it seems he’s fallen too! For you that is~

You two begin to feel closer, not only physically but emotionally. He gets you to open up about your personal struggles, and in turn, he’ll share some of his own, but not too much. He doesn’t allow himself to be fully and completely vulnerable with you, not yet. But he does try his best to sympathize with you when you share your piece of mind with him. He feels accomplished to know this part of you, and his ego is the last thing on his mind anymore, but instead you take up all the space.

He doesn’t use pet names for you, not cute ones anyway. He’ll call you his devilish belladonna, especially if you love flowers. His creepy spider Lillie. He’ll often speak in the ‘language of flowers’, and will educate you on it if you don’t know so you know exactly what he’s talking about.

He’s the type of person to correct people in public to make them feel stupid, but he never does that with you. Instead he’ll wait until it’s just the two of you and tell you jokingly how wrong you were. You’ll get upset because he let you look like a fool, but in his mind he’s just protecting your feelings. If anyone else corrects you, they’ll have their mouth sewn shut that’s for sure!

He never gets you the same bouquet of flowers. They’re always different, and every week or so you have a new one. He keeps a separate batch for himself so he knows when to get you another. That being said he also makes the bouquets himself, he does not buy them for you already made.

When you finally take Alastor up on his offer to court you properly, he is over the moon about it! Finally, you seem to be coming to your senses dear! Though you quickly follow that comment up with a “Let the blood rush to your head first.” He just bats his lashes at you with a smile. You always know how to make him feel so loved!

Gets very jealous very easily. If he sees you laughing with someone that isn’t him, he’ll size them up before deciding if they’re a threat or not. Heaven forbid anyone actually put their hands on you and uh oh! Limb of the floor someone come get it!

His possessive nature is rooted in abandonment, and thus being said, he has deep attachment issues to you. You are never out of his sight when you two begin dating, and you’re hardly ever far from him in general. You two dress similarly too, especially if you’re from the same era. He’ll switch up your wardrobe slowly so it complements his.

He isn’t one for strong PDA unless he feels like he needs too or just has a strong want too. Usually it’s an arm around your waist, or you hanging onto his arm loosely. The most he’ll ever really do is a kiss on the back of your hand or to your temple. That being said, he’s like this for various reasons.

One, he has a lot of enemies, which means that not not only does that put you in danger, but if you’re also a powerful overlord, it puts him at risk too, though he doesn’t care much about that part.

Second, he doesn’t like physical contact much, and though he always makes an exception for you, he has his image and pristine reputation to keep up. Which you extremely dislike but tolerate because it’s Alastor and if he hasn’t changed much in centuries, nothings going to change ever.

Alastor is very very fond of you, whether you believe it or not. Your fiery attitude has him whipped more than he likes to admit. He’ll joke with other sinners that he’d sacrifice you to save himself but you both know that isn’t true, his nervous ticks prove it to be false, if you do say so yourself.

He’s very fidgety. He’ll tug a piece of your clothing or twirl a strand of your hair between his claws. If you claim he’s messing up your hair he’ll cast a tornado of shadows around you to fuck it up even more, and then smiling at you lovingly when you threaten to cut his ears off because you can’t tell if they’re his hair or just furry ass ears. You always give him a good laugh.

Other sinners are actually convinced you both hate each other, but turf wars on the news show that you two are the most in love when you’re wreaking havoc on innocent sinners for no possible reason other than the fact you two had an argument and the best way to settle it? Dancing in the rain, which actually isn’t rain, just blood falling from the sky because you like to kill people for fun.

“My darling looks the best in red if I do say so myself! Especially if she’s dressed by another’s remains, oh the beauty!”

Alastor has and will continue to get in his feelings about you and his mother getting along so well. He loves you both to pieces, so seeing his two favorite people together makes his dead heart swell with joy.

He’ll ask you to accompany him to the tailors, he values your opinion more than others so you often make adjustments to his suit and he’s just like ‘Whatever she says that’s what’s going on the suit.’ You also make him your personal dressing doll, trying different patterns and styles on him for fun. Alastor is a true skinny jeans hater and he will die on that hill, again. He really appreciates the 60’s style, but prefers to stick to his own decade.

He will take you out hunting with him, and the two of you share breakfast together with the fresh meat you’ve caught. He only gets the best quality for you because he refuses to have you two ‘eating like chums’. A restaurant tried to lie to the two of you, saying their meat was high quality and fresh. Alastor killed everyone in it and you two shared remains like a true power couple. Hells finest of course. ;)

He’s very critical of picking out jewelry for you. Hunting for the perfect ring for you took him ages, mainly because he knew exactly what he wanted but no jeweler had what he wanted all in one ring. So instead he forces them to make him a custom one. Torn limbs and bloody parts later, you have the ring that Alastor worked so hard to give you. He proposes to you Extermination day, claiming he’d love to spend another year in hell with you before the angels come to rip you two apart from each other. It was such a sweet day, at least to you it was.

The type of relationship where he plays the piano and you sing. He loves when you sing and will gush about you to anyone in sight even if he doesn’t know them.

Is very needy in private. He’s a stage 10000 clinger, and will stick to you like his life depends on it, but will be damned if anyone catches him. You don’t tell anyone about it, you like the private life.

You two have cook offs all the time. You make the hotel staff judge, and ultimately Niffty is the tie breaker because she’s brutally honest. Once she told Alastor he should stay out of the kitchen because women were better at it for a reason… harsh!

He was fine though, he got her back by ridding the hotel of bugs. He knows she likes chasing them around and for that she sobbed at his feet for ten minutes asking him to bring them back. It didn’t take much actually, Sir Pentious brought them back on his own, much to Charlies dismay.

He loves to read with you. You two often read a book and once you both finish you have a tea session over it. It starts off being about the book and then somehow shifts to just gossiping and talking shit about the other overlords, except for Rosie, we love Rosie in this household.

Speaking of, Rosie is usually where you get your clothes from. She’s a sweetheart when she isn’t picking pieces of muscle from her teeth, that sharp smile is a killer! She loves to talk about Alastor with you, and usually she’s where you go after you two have had an argument. You’re also her personal Barbie doll. She puts you in outfits and she and Alastor judge over them. Nine times out of ten you leave her boutique with a new wardrobe every time.

Now let’s talk about Vox.

Honestly the whole reason Vox knows about you is probably because he was digging through Alastors shit. But when he sees you? Oh lord, this man is HOOKED.

He doesn’t even know how Alastor managed to get you entangled with him. He finds out about you when you and Alastor aren’t dating yet, and he basically jumps at his chance to try to be with you.

Vox will forever consider you the one that got away, you can’t change my mind.

Alastor has proven time and time again that he’s basically better than Vox. He took a seven year back, came on the radio one day and boom all his viewers were back. In Alastors mind there’s no competition, just Vox being obsessed with the fact Alastor said no.

Valentino uses it against Vox all the time, and it will always make Vox buffer.

[tevanbegins]

To think that Buck's always been bisexual without realising it, checking out hot guys' asses because he thought that's normal. He's crossed paths with many hot guys in his life. He works with hot guys, his BFF is a hot guy. He's been in multiple situations where there have been innuendos thrown at him of his being gay/queer.

But he still never thought much about all of that. Until one day, he met Tommy.

It took one hell of a compelling man like Tommy Kinard for Buck to relentlessly pursue this subconscious attraction till he'd finally had a taste of what it was like, and known for sure that he liked it and wanted more of it.

This is the most obvious indicator that Tommy is not just any other guy. Buck had many choices and chances before to question and explore this part of him, but Tommy is the only one who shook something in the core of Buck's being and made him want it so bad, that he had to keep trying till he got it. The attraction is unlike any he's ever felt before, and not because of the gender of the person, but because of the intensity of his feelings towards him.

Buck wanted Tommy's undivided attention, he wanted to keep spending time with him even if that meant making random excuses, getting to know him better. He couldn't get Tommy out of his head. That's how magnetically drawn he was to Tommy. Tommy's gender is not really a big factor here as most people believe it is, because the key takeaway here is that Buck's never felt this drawn to anyone – girls or guys.

Just because Tommy is his first queer experience, doesn't mean that Buck's using him on a trial basis. That boy's down bad. And that has nothing to do with the novelty of dating a man. It's all got to do with who Tommy is as a person, how patient, caring, and understanding he is, and how happy he makes Buck, making him feel safe and loved in all the ways he's never felt before.

That's the whole point of it. In Tommy, Buck's met someone who could very well be the love of his life. It's just that he never thought it would be a man. For Buck, it's so much more about finding lasting love at this stage, than it is about playing around with this newfound aspect to his sexuality. This is more than a coming out arc. This is a romcom as well, where Buck has finally found true love. He's getting off the hamster wheel for good. His father-figure Bobby and everyone around him can see it.

Tommy is clearly being written as Buck's endgame, and I don't see how anyone in their right mind can be blind to the significance of this storyline. I for one am super-thrilled and optimistic about all the possibilities of Buck and Tommy's romance moving forward! 😍🥰❤

___

[solsthiems]

I’m fucking desperate for someone in this house to act like they even slightly give a fuck about my concerns

[miya-rin]

imagine being the miya twins older sister who has had suna rintarou fully enamoured with your existence since he first met you at 15 years old.

he has tried to make many moves on you over the years to no avail; sneakily trying to place his arms around your shoulder before one of your brothers notice and throw the nearest object they can grab his way. not letting you carry anything while hes around, claiming how “youll never have to lift a finger again” if you give him a chance. hell, even dropping down to the floor to tie your shoelaces the second he realises the laces have come loose, taking his time to stand back up afterwards as he slowly rakes his eyes over your figure so he can fully take in every inch of you. every attempt of his to make you swoon for him is met with “sorry sweetheart, still not into minors” and a small ruffle of his hair which gives him a dopey smile. you would think he would start to back off eventually but to your dismay every rejection you have handed to him has just made his desire for you grow stronger - he takes your words as “try again when youre 18”

which is exactly what he does. on his 18th birthday his friends decide to throw him a massive party - being the twins chaperone you had to come along and when suna set his eyes on you, you knew there was no chance of you escaping his antics. you catch him glancing at you multiple times throughout the night before he gets pulled away by one of his guests, a disappointed look in his eyes every time he had to look away from you.

after a couple of hours you decide to step outside onto the balcony to catch some fresh air seeing as there was no sign of the party dying down anytime soon. you’re outside for maybe 5 minutes when you hear the door slide open, you already know who its going to be seeing as he has been trying to catch you alone all night, you turn around to finally face the boy and he looks as ecstatic as ever.

“happy birthday suna.” you swear you can see his soul leave his body the second those words leave your mouth, its not the first time youve said it to him tonight - youre not that cruel as to not wish the poor boy a happy birthday on his special day - but everything that comes out of your mouth looks like it sends him to heaven and back.

“thankyou yn, i appreciate you being here, but then again, i know you cant spend more that a week away from me because youre just so obsessed with me.”

“wow, am i that easy to read?” you chuckle along with him, noticing the way his gaze doesnt stray away from your face while you face forward, “so, how does it feel finally being legal?”

“incredible, it means you can finally give me a chance.” he doesnt miss the way you sigh at his words.

“suna we’v-“

“i know that we’ve been over this, but i don’t really think you mean it,” this gains an eye roll from you, “plus, my one wish when i blew out my candles was that you would give me a kiss.”

“really? well i guess your going to have to go without this year.”

“it was my birthday wish, youre not gonna deny me that are you?”

“yknow if you tell your wish to someone it doesnt come true right?”

“yn…please,” his voice is barely above a whisper, he sounds desperate, “i have been waiting for three years, all i ask for is one kiss, just one.”

“i think youre forgetting that im 22 and you are freshly 18.”

“im still 18 though.”

“hm… you make a good point,” you see the way he perks up slightly at your evaluation, a hopeful look becoming more prominent in his eyes, “one kiss. let it be my official gift for the birthday boy.” you might have well as told him he had just one the lottery, anyone who walked past the sliding door would think you had due to the way his smile was so wide.

“thankyou” is all he can muster up before he is snaking his hand up your body and with a hand tangled up in your hair he leans down until his lips touch yours, you can feel the shit eating grin spread across his face as he gently moves his lips in sync with yours, pulling away slightly to whisper “best birthday ever” before leaning back in <3

[walkingstackofbooks]

A 9-year-old Julian Bashir who has had nightmares about evil doctors in an alien hospital for as long as he can remember. He doesn't tell his parents though because "he's a big boy now" and nightmares are for little kids, so he knows he should deal with them alone. And even if he'd like a hug sometimes, his mum only gives him hugs for doing well, not for doing badly, so he figures there's no point bothering her

A 15-year-old Julian Bashir who realises that the nightmares he used to have were based on the apparently very real alien hospital his parents had taken him to as a kid, and spends hours trying to figure out what were real memories and what his mind had made up over the years as he slept. The nightmares come back with an intensity, but they're nothing compared with how he's feeling when he's awake, and pretty soon they become a normal background noise of his life.

A 19-year-old Julian Bashir who's finally been moved into a solitary room after his third roommate in as many weeks complained about the almost-nightly screams. His advisor asks if he wants to speak to anyone: he claims they're just night terrors and he doesn't actually remember them. Besides, even if he could talk about what was in them, he probably wouldn't, because he's fine - he's used to them by now.

A 24-year-old Julian Bashir who gets woken from his nightmares by warm hands and gentle kisses, and learns what is like to be soothed back to sleep by the soft voice of Palis Delon

A 32-year-old Julian Bashir who has a different nightmare every night. The last year's been difficult. But then, it's been difficult for everyone, and he knows he's far from the only one to be suffering from nightmares at the moment.

A 34-year-old Julian Bashir who can't stop dreaming about the torture he went through four weeks ago, who's missing Ezri and who Miles is increasingly concerned about. When the O'Briens offer him their spare room for a while, he warns them multiple times about his nightmares, and is pathetically grateful when that doesn't change their minds. "We have nightmares too, Julian," says Keiko. "We can cope with yours."

A 34-year-old Julian Bashir who is confused when, three days later, Miles remarks, "You are having a bad run of those nightmares, aren't you?"

"They've been better than usual, actually," he replies awkwardly. "It's been really nice being able to go back to sleep afterwards, for once -- you and Keiko have been so generous in coming and checking on me."

"Course we're gonna come and check on you," says Miles gruffly. "You woke up terrified. We're not letting you do that alone."

"I'd be fine, Miles," Julian reassures. "I'm hardly going to expect one of you to come in every night."

Miles pauses. "...How long are you expecting to have them 'every night' for?" he asks, with some concern. "I mean, after a thing like this, how long does it usually take them to settle down?"

Julian stares at Miles. "I... have nightmares, Miles," he replies, frowning. "Just like you. Nightmares happen every night."

"No, they don't," says Miles, equally confused. "Don't get me wrong, they can do: after something big then sure, they're like that for a few weeks - a couple of months, even. But eventually they fall down to once, twice a week..."

Julian is looking at Miles incredulously. "That might be how it works for you," he says. "I guess my brain's different to yours. Mine don't stop, they just... mix. Change. Get confused with one another, eventually. I've had more dreams about being genetically modified by Sloan in the Dominion camp than I care to remember, you know?"

Miles' concern has turned into abject dismay. "You're saying you've had nightmares every single night since the Dominion took you?" he exclaims.

"Well, maybe not every single night!" retorts Julian, a little unsure what Miles is getting so het up about. "I do have some days when I don't... But yeah, pretty much. I've had nightmares most nights since I was fifteen, it's just how my brain processes stuff."

"Fifteen?"

...

A 34-year-old Julian who finds out that having nightmares every night for two decades is, apparently, "not normal" and something he should be seeking help for.

If Ezri comes back alive, he supposes he might take it up with her.

[neoplatinum]

eyes | aeri 'giselle' uchinaga

summary: giselle doesn't like how close yunjin has been with you recently...

pairing: aeri x 5th member!reader

themes: slight angst (not really lol), huh yunjin in the house!, fluff at the end, overall just giselle not being subtle, brief mention of kazuha

wc: 1.1k

giselle likes the idea of watching people’s eyes, she especially likes watching your eyes. she’s spent practically every second of her trainee days analyzing what each change of your eyes means. she knows what they mean when they stare back at giselle’s, the slight raise in the eyebrow and the warm cheeks, you like giselle. with this newfound information, giselle was more confident thinking of a plan to confess to you.

but recently, giselle is finding it harder to trust the meaning behind your eyes, despite seeing the love and joy spill from your gaze, she sees something different in them, a new contendor, namely yunjin.

yunjin had been an old trainee with you and the rest of aespa. a rare foreign trainee from america, you were immediately intrigued, often asking yunjin new phrases in english, or what the culture is like in america. giselle remembers you explaining that your older sister had moved to america when you were younger, leaving an amazing impression of the country. when yunjin returned to korea and debuted in le sserafim, you were overjoyed to spend time with her again.

currently, giselle watches with stern eyes as yunjin shares photo of the states with you. she watches the hand that is wrapped around your chair as you lean into yunjin to get a better view of her phone. giselle also eyes the way yunjin’s eye flits between her phone and your eyes. a gaze she doesn’t enjoy.

giselle rolls her eyes and walks away from the aespa green room to cool off her mind from the sight of you and yunjin. winter gives karina a knowing look and both of them laugh while you’re confused why giselle walked out of the room.

“well i have to go back to the girls, but dont be a stranger, ill see you later cutie!” yunjin gave you a tight hug and waved to the other girls and left. after yunjin left, karina and winter burst into even louder laughter.

“what? what’s so funny?” you look between the two girls, winter doubles over and jimin continues laughing and pointing at winter. ningning on the other hand looks at you with an amused smile.

“you should go find giselle, these two are just being foolish.” ningning points to the door, she sighs and tries offering a hand to winter while you stare at all three of them in confusion.

walking out of the green room into the long hallways of inkigayo makes you more nervous, theres so many people it would be hard to spot giselle. you try and stand on your tippy toes multiple times walking around to find giselle at the vending machine.

“hey, you okay?” you stand next to giselle.

she continues looking at the drinks. not lifting her eyes. “yes.”

“are you sure? you left the room suddenly, is your stomach okay?” you offer, giselle looks even more upset.

“im fine, why don’t you ask yunjin if she’s okay?” giselle bites out, now she stares into your eyes with an unexpected intensity.

“yunjin? why would i ask her if she’s okay?” giselle rolls her eyes and walks away from you, away from the aespa waiting room.

“hey wait! giselle!” she grabs your hands and pulls you into the girls bathroom.

“why can’t you see that yunjin is into you?” giselle puts one hand on her hip and another on the sink. you’re thrown off but clearly nervous because giselles never acted like this before.

“she’s not into me! shes just showing me pictures of her trip to new york.” you try to explain but giselle is nodding her head no.

“that girl keeps trying to put her arm around your waist and you don’t even bat an eye!” giselle is exasperated and frustrated.

“i didn’t notice that, but i don’t understand why you’re upset at me?” you’re trying to figure out where you went wrong.

“you dummy, i know you’re into me, you shouldn’t entertain other people.” she hardens her tone, meanwhile you’re speechless.

“how did you even find out?” you let out while running your hands through your hair. you try and quickly think of all the signs that you might have dropped on accident. you thought you were subtle enough that no one would notice.

“you absolute idiot, of course i noticed, im into you too dummy.” she explains as if it's common knowledge. by now you're even more taken aback, giselle never showed interest in you, which is why you never even confessed to her.

“wait, you like me back? like you’re not joking?” you try to wrap your head around the conversation, but you're too stunned by all the new information.

giselle groans and stomps her foot, going silent and starting to walk out of the bathroom, you grab her hand and keep her from walking away.

“giselle, do you mean it? you like me back?” you grow more confident and stare into her eyes, you watch them become more vulnerable.

“yes, i really do. will you please stop letting yunjin flirt with you?” she pleads with a quiet voice.

“of course. come here.” you hug her tightly and wrap your arms around her waist. she tucks her head into your chest, and you smile and kiss her on the cheek.

“i know why you’re so upset.” you say in a teasing tone, she tenses up and attempts to push herself away from you, you instead hold her tighter against you.

“yeah, why do you think im upset?” giselle rolls her eyes at your knowing smile.

“you’re jealous of yunjin aren’t you?” you even poke at her cheek and giggle when she tries swatting your hand away,

“shut up, dummy.” she groans.

“i knew it!” you laugh loudly and she starts pinching your cheeks. “ow ow ow! giselle!”

“stop laughing, its not funny.”

“it is funny because you have nothing to be jealous about, i only want you aeri.” she smiles widely and grows embarrassed. “plus im pretty sure she’s in love with kazuha” giselle nods as you explain yunjin's dynamic with kazuha. “it’s always: zuha would love this! i should get zuha this! do u think zuha likes this shirt?”

“sounds like she needs to grow a pair and confess.” giselle laughs at that.

“what do you think ive been trying to help her with lately….” you let out a groan just thinking about the amount of times yunjin has spammed your phone about her infatuation with kazuha.

“yunjin will figure it out she’s a smart girl….let’s go back to the waiting room.” giselle grabs hold of your hand and you stand straight as a rod.

“yes ma'am!” you smile at giselle, and salute her. all she can see is the beautiful warm eyes that stare back at her, even if you are the siliest person she's met.

--

a/n: this is my first ever piece that i am posting yay! hope u enjoy <3

[lagomoz]

Proseka headcanons

-as rui’s childhood friend, nene has extensive fire safety knowledge

-shizuku is adopted, hence why she looks so different from shiho. she was adopted shortly before the moon rabbit event and it contributed to her clinginess

-shiho forgets this fact sometimes. she’ll casually mention something like shizuku got all mom’s good genes so unfair and ichika has to be. um. shiho

-kanade is mildly nearsighted/myopic but spends so much time at her computer she hasn’t noticed

-emu is buff. she climbs multiple stories without breaking a sweat and is canonically part of the swimming, handball and rhythmic gymnastic clubs, you can’t tell me she doesn’t have some muscle

-saki helps out as a human notepad for tsukasa, reminding of him things he would otherwise forget within 5 minutes

-the vocaloids also help. at first it was unnerving to have hatsune miku be an extension of his psyche that knows his darkest secret (stole saki’s candy when he was 6) but now his phone has a more reliable catgirl themed reminder system

-you know that classic nightmare of leaving the house without pants? tsukasa has legitimately done that as a kid. he forgor. (saki will never let him live it down)

-in the kamiyama student council/hall monitor room, an has put up at sign saying “_ days since last kamishiro incident”

-the shinonome siblings both figured out the other one was gay before they figured it out about themselves

-airi’s great at trivia from her time as a variety show star. she still can’t beat minori at idol trivia, though

-ena keeps a diary with fort knox level security. try to read it and you’ll lose a finger

-saki learned to crochet from the old ladies in the hospital

-shiho’s most treasured phenny is a somewhat lumpy crocheted phenny holding a very lumpy crocheted bass guitar

-tsukasa snores. he falls asleep in 10 seconds and sounds like a dying lawnmower

-mizuki has learned a small bit of french from their sister and uses it exclusively to teach rui and an how to swear in french

-emu still celebrates her grandfather’s birthday, even if he’s not there to celebrate with her

-ena is allergic to dogs, the middle point to airi’s cat allergy and akito’s dog phobia

-rui has various small scars from his experiments over the years, but nobody ever believes the real causes (rocket launcher, robot bite, exploding balloon animal, etc.) so he just makes up a new cause every time someone asks

-mmj! has had repeated incidents of minori and airi’s little siblings walking into frame when streaming at their houses. shiho understands the concept of a livestream but has still been caught failing at creeping past like that one new broadcast of the guy crawling along the floor

-kanade has pots & eds, this one I have a reason for look at her symptoms. chronic exhaustion, heat and cold intolerance, comorbid sleep issues and depression, dizziness when standing up, fainting after standing up, very pale skin, family history of medical issues, pain at normal physical activities, exercise intolerance, vertigo at mild exertion, she just fucking dies during the entire baseball event, I could go on. she canonically gets pain in her hands from opening a jar girl that is not just being out of shape that is physical disability. this one I will go conspiracy board on listen to me I’m right

-kohane ate bugs as a kid. an is horrified, toya is confused, akito is impressed

-ena and airi got in trouble in middle school because they’d keep starting fist fights in defense of the others honor. if they saw the other in a fight they’d jump in guns blazing no hesitation no questions ask ready to throw the fuck down

-vbs!rin and len were given a skateboard by an and then promptly had the skateboard confiscated by meiko for property destruction

-haruka is horrible with slang. she asks the stream chat what poggers means and immediately uses it completely wrong, killing all viewers on impact

-minori is torn between thinking it’s cute and wanting to die

-toya has been banned from arcades before because he made them lose too much money/they suspected he was cheating

-ena brought kanade over for girls night and nearly scared akito half to death because he went down to get a late night snack and there was some Ghastly Creature looming in his kitchen

-kohane's parents stick out like a sore thumb when going to her live shows. it mortifies her that everyone on vivid street can recognize them as the only milquetoast middle aged couple dressed in normal clothes loudly going YOU'RE DOING GREAT SWEETIE that don't know the first thing about music

-minori knows basic programming. she mostly uses it for forums, blogs, html, other web design things usually related to idols as a hobby, but she's become the groups designated anti-shizuku tech support

-mafuyu has always been able to see ghosts but after adults figured she was just playing pretend as a kid so she shrugged and figured it was normal and not worth bringing up again

-honami has one of those massive extended families and somehow keeps track of them all. at any given time cousin #57 can crawl out of the woodwork and she remembers their new job, favorite food, past three romantic relationships and list of allergic reactions

-mizuki does doll customizing as a hobby. they prefer making human sized clothes, but it's fun to make them miniature too. they've introduced shizuku to it and she loves it, but doesn't have the heart to do anything that would hurt the doll (sawing limbs off, dunking them in boiling water, shoving wires in them, etc.)

[seireiteihellbutterfly]

Second Chance Sorcerer Chapter 3 - The Trials

Pairing: Nanami Kento x Fem! reader A/N: Chapter 3 is here! I'm glad I was able to write this out. As usual, this has been adapted to y/n format. To read the OC version, check out AO3.

Oh, and I highly recommend listening to Yet by Switchfoot while reading this chapter. It just pairs well. Warnings: childhood trauma, lots of angst

Chapter 1 | Chapter 2 | Chapter 3 | Nanami masterlist

“By facing your deepest regrets.”

Nanami feels a chill rake over his spine as the shadow being says the words.

“Regrets? There isn’t a single sorcerer in the world that doesn’t have regrets. There’s no good way to rank them.”

“Really 7:3 sorcerer? You don’t believe some regrets hurt more than others?” The Spectator watches with keen eyes as Nanami contemplates its words. There’s a pregnant pause while he considers, glancing around at Phantom Tokyo as he does so. He didn’t like how the shadow easily figured out what he’d been hiding for years. 

A sorcerer’s life was always full of regrets; regret for not being normal, regret over their fallen comrades, regret over not taking time to themselves, regret for not being able to fall in love freely.

“What good is spending time thinking about regrets anyway?” he asks finally. “There’s nothing we can do about them. We learn to accept them and move on.”

“Have you? Accepted, that is?” the shadow asks back. Nanami stares at it, feeling a jolt pass through him.

“Of course I have. Now unless time travel is something the purgatory realm offers, I don’t see the point. I can’t go back and undo the things I regret. So of course I learned to accept them.”

“Then why do you never allow yourself to think about them? If you’ve really accepted them, then thinking about them shouldn’t bring that feeling of guilt in your chest, should it?” There’s a sly tone to the shadow’s question as it asks.

Taken aback, Nanami glares at it but doesn’t answer. Anyone who had lived his life wouldn’t question the guilt that accompanied his regrets. It was an endless cycle, reminding himself that most of the things that had happened weren't things he could have necessarily controlled yet it weighed down heavily on him. And how could they not? He was there when those awful things happened. It was a natural human tendency to wonder if the outcome may have been changed if he had done something differently.

The shadow does not fail to notice the less-than-kind expression on his face. “The only reason I ask, sorcerer, is because many try and fail to escape the purgatory realm even after agreeing to face their deepest regrets. Most believe it is coming to terms with them when in fact, it’s more than that.” 

It glides slightly closer to him before continuing. “It’s not enough that you come to terms with your regrets. But it’s learning to recognize that despite everything, despite all the guilt and unhappiness, life is still worth living. Many do not make it to that stage, and if that concept fails to take root, then the realm decides your life isn’t worth saving, and it will do what it was created to do, and end your life for you. You must want to live so much that all the regrets that feel like failures become reasons to live.”

“That’s unrealistic. Shouldn’t you have to find new things to live for instead? Who would want to continue living because of their regrets?”

“And what’s the guarantee those new things won’t become regrets later? Life doesn’t necessarily go linearly, does it? Something that brought you joy one day can make you miserable the next. It’s the same with people and relationships, isn’t it? You could have the best relationship with someone, and one day, they may hurt you, or you hurt them, and that too becomes a regret. Depending on the situation, it may be superficial or deep. If that person means enough to you, you won’t end the relationship because of that single regret, do you? Sometimes people experience multiple regrets with the people in their lives. It’s the same with wanting to live. You can keep finding new reasons to live, but ultimately, it’s realizing that life is worth living even with regrets.”

Nanami ponders the words, the frown on his face deepening. So many people in his life had come and gone. Some had been his choice, others due to circumstances beyond his control. He thinks about everyone he currently knows, and the shadow chuckles at his state. “I promise I’m not speaking in riddles meant to be solved. This journey is different for everyone. For some, it’s simple. Others need a few reminders about how much opportunity life offers.”

Nanami paces up and down the aisles of the bookstore, contemplating. “And what does facing one’s regrets look like?”

“It’s different for each person that enters the Trials. Some say it’s a withered garden, and they need to tend to the most neglected flowers and once the garden is in bloom, they can go back to living. Others are the only doctor in a hospital full of sick patients and don’t get respite until everyone is nursed back to health. But I will say that not everyone makes it through. Some become consumed by what they see or begin to feel hopeless with the amount of work necessary to survive. You have an additional restriction of being at the mercy of however long the neutralized energy remains in that charm of yours. So I’d say to not waste it much longer.”

Nanami glances at the aum charm on his wrist and feels a tinge of hope bubble inside him. He tries to think optimistically. Finding reasons to live even with the regrets…he hadn’t considered it that way. 

“You also have an unexpected plus. You have someone who desperately hopes you might come back to them. Most don’t necessarily have that privilege. The additional incentive will hopefully allow you to navigate this quicker.” The shadow adds trying to gauge his reaction.

Nanami again looks doubtfully at the charm. Deep in his heart, wedged away was a little box he hadn’t dared to open or peek at since he locked it away at 16. Even the sheer idea of it felt taboo, and he hadn’t allowed himself to dwell on it. But he allowed himself a moment of guilty pleasure, wondering if y/n had received his message by now. What would be your reaction? Shock? Happiness? Would you be crying tears of joy? 

He tries to imagine your face, putting together fragments of the various expressions he had seen during your time together. The lines of dissatisfaction that tugged at the corners of your mouth when he kept saying logistically sorcerers didn’t live very long, the glitter in your eyes when Itadori-Kun brought back a pastry for you, or the melancholic way the tip of your nose turned red when you watched those sad movies when he was teaching you how to channel your energy into the cursed doll. The day you had chosen Sophie’s Choice was a hard day overall, with him coming back from a mission only to see you, Ino-Kun, and Itadori-kun squished together on the sofa, the doll on your lap, all of you with tears in your eyes. 

Would you have cried like that for him after learning about his supposed death? Or maybe it was more intense than that? The kind of ugly crying where one trembles and can’t catch their breath? Or maybe there hadn’t been any crying at all. He shakes his head. He had no evidence that he had meant anything to you at all. The aum charms had been put on Ino-Kun and Itadori-Kun as well. Yet part of him hoped you had felt some kind of grief, that he had meant something to you, even if it was just as your teacher. 

In any case, whether or not you had cried was irrelevant. As the shadow had pointed out, it was thanks to your charm that he was now alive, and that wasn’t a thing to be taken lightly.

“You called it the Trials?” he asks The Mediator, who nods. 

“I will have to send you into another space where you can deal with your regrets. It’s rumored to be inside one’s heart but so far, no one has been able to confirm that. Now remember sorcerer. Once inside, you must look at your regrets, each one, learn the lesson it provides, and accept that you can live, despite having it. This isn’t about coming to terms with your regrets. It’s about understanding that your life isn’t any lesser to live just because you have them.”

Still not entirely convinced he knew what the shadow meant, he nods shakily. 

“Take your time, but don’t dawdle. You don’t have forever. And when in doubt, remember the reason you’re alive right now.”

“Have people have been successful before?”

“Indeed. And went on to live very happy lives, in fact even fuller lives than they had before.”

Nanami feels his pulse quicken. He had more questions but it felt pointless to ask them. As the shadow had pointed out, he was wasting precious neutralized cursed energy. He can feel his earlier dream of dying, of fading away into oblivion, slipping away like water through his fingers. 

“Ready?” The shadow’s silvery eyes gleam at him, waiting. 

With resolve, Nanami nods. It felt daunting, but he knows now he has to try. That there might be things he still needed to experience in the world of the living. 

The Mediator gives him a nod of finality before raising a shadowy limb from its side, looking eerily like the Grim Reaper for a moment, black smoky fingers curling up into its palm. Nanami turned to look behind him, transfixed, as what appeared to be a rectangle of light began to materialize. It had a strange metallic look, and as it grew larger, he could have sworn he heard the faint pulsation of a heart fill the space in the bookstore. Perhaps he really was going into a dimension of his own heart. The thought filled him with wonder, something he hadn’t felt since the loss of innocence during his teen years. 

He knew from a medical standpoint that his heart would be the same as any other human being, but he couldn’t help but try to imagine what it looked like in this dimension. Was it warm? Cold? Would he get a garden or a hospital? Or something more wondrous and complex than either of those? The rectangle finally stops growing and hovers a few inches off the ground and Nanami chances a peek inside. It looked curiously smooth and paved from his position, and appeared to have light reflecting inside it, and again, he heard the undeniable sound of a heart beating, like it was trying to urge him to look inside himself.

“This is where we part, sorcerer. I hope we do not meet again.” The shadow bows to him and Nanami returns the gesture, pushing his glasses back onto the bridge of his nose as he straightened. 

“Thank you for the guidance. I feel a little less willing to die at this moment.”

“That is reassuring to hear. Your initial attitude had me worried. Now go, there isn’t any time to waste.”

Nanami looks at the bright geometric patch before squaring his shoulders and purposefully stepping forward towards the metallic, reflective light. Y/n’s face burns in his mind as the sound of a heartbeat fills his ears and he walks through the door into what lay beyond. 

Once inside, he chances a glance backward and sees the portal sealing off, the briefest glimpse of the shadow creature catching the corner of his eye before it closes into a smooth surface of reflective glass. The dimension is plunged into silence, deafening and slightly unsettling. The blond sorcerer moves forward, taking in his new surroundings, astonished by what he saw.

His Trial was a smooth, long, corridor that appeared to be made of endless panels of mirrors from top to bottom. His shoes clicked on the polished glass as he moved forward. What was he supposed to do? Unlike the Trials that had been described to him, there was nothing here that needed his care or nurturing. He appeared to be alone, with nothing but his reflection for company. He ventures a few steps forward, thinking.

“The scenarios described to me said I needed to take care of whatever I found here,” he mused out loud, continuing to walk, randomly looking up, down, and to the sides where his glass image followed suit. “But I don’t see anything here. Wait, don’t tell me…” he almost laughs aloud, Y/n’s chief complaint echoing in his head. “Is the person I have to take care of myself?” he asks the mirror dimension. 

Immediately, the panel of mirrors on his left changed. While the ceiling, floor, and right wall retained his reflection, the left began to show swirls of color and distorted shapes. Fascinated, Nanami steps closer to the one nearest to him and peers into the glass. The abstract splotches instantly form a crisp image, playing like a scene from a movie and Nanami is astonished at what it shows him. A young boy with a tuft of messy blond hair ran towards a lake in happy abandon, water wings around his thin arms as he splashed in. Nanami’s gut twists as he remembers this day. The day so long ago, when he had learned that things such as curses really did exist, that they were not imaginary misfortunes cast by witches onto unsuspecting people like his storybooks had said. 

He watched his younger self floating at the surface of the water, his family a short distance away as they set up lunch on a picnic table. One of his cousins joins him shortly, giving chase as he lets out a peal of laughter and tries to kick away from him. Knowing what was going to happen, Nanami watched his younger self helplessly as he swam towards the middle of the lake, a brave 6-year-old unaware of the darker things that lurked in places that held negative emotions.

Unbeknownst to his family at the time, a girl had drowned there that past summer, something that Nanami had unearthed years later after this incident had occurred. His younger self now reached the middle of the lake and was suddenly lost, dragged under by an invisible force. The little boy blinks in shock, then opens his mouth and lets out a muffled scream as he sees the ugly curse that had caught hold of his foot. It grins, showing off too many teeth as he struggles, its pale green skin glimmering grotesquely under the watery light before he manages to kick the curse with his foot, swimming to the surface, coughing and spluttering, desperately trying to make his way back to land. His cousin looks at him in confusion as he swims in the opposite direction. 

“Get out of the water! Get out!” The shrill screams echoed off the lake as he finally made it to the edge and hauled himself out, laying on the grass shivering. He watches in panic as his cousin stays where he is, treading water and not making any attempts to come back. His father sprints over to check on the situation looking alarmed.

“Kento, what’s going on?”

“There’s something in the water! Tell aniki to get out!” Younger Nanami practically yells, trying to put distance between himself and the lake. His cousin shrugs, then takes a breath and goes underwater. When he resurfaces, he shakes his head. 

“There’s nothing in here! Kento did you see a huge catfish or something and freak out?” he taunts, a smirk appearing on his face. The blond boy shakes his head no vigorously. 

“There’s something there! I swear!”

“You’re just making things up! If you’re too scared, then stay there, I wanna swim.”

Nanami watches his younger self shrink, drawing his knees up to his chest in terror, watching his cousin swim fearlessly in the water. However, nothing happens. Several minutes pass by before his cousin finally comes back out, hair dripping. “Fraidy cat,” he shoots at him before joining the others at the picnic table. Younger Nanami walks to the table too, determined to get his point across.

“There really was something there!” 

His mother reaches out to pat his head. “It may have been a large fish Kento. It’s ok to admit it startled you,” she says emphatically, and the younger boy’s expression drops. Adult Nanami felt it inside his chest, that feeling of knowing they didn’t believe him, and that it was the beginning of almost a decade of them convinced he was a liar, saying things for attention. Younger Nanami becomes quiet after that, sitting in defeat at the table, the fresh barbeque and corn on the cob tasteless in his mouth. 

What was he supposed to learn from this? Adult Nanami pulls away from the mirror, feeling his heart tighten, feeling sad for the little boy sitting so dejectedly at the table. He takes a deep breath, knowing this was the moment he started to not trust his family, his parents, with any of the things he saw. The curses only worsened from there, almost like because he had seen one, all of them suddenly felt comfortable revealing themselves to him. His chest felt heavy with the grief filling him. The shadow had said to take the lesson from the memory and move on.

He leans against the opposite panel of mirrors, trying to get his feelings into check. Regrets from that day…he regretted scaring his family. He regretted being able to see that curse in the water. He regretted finding out he was different from everyone else that day. And how were these regrets supposed to become reasons to live? He racks his brain. He tried to warn his cousin about the unseen danger. That shaped him into becoming the responsible one in any situation. He had to be aware of what the others couldn’t see. It made him protective. It made him want his students to have a better childhood than he did. Was that it? Him turning into a guardian for everyone around him was a reason to live?

And just like that as the thought came into his head, the mirror began to frost at the edges, becoming more and more opaque as it covered the length of the panel before the memory became fully obscured, no longer visible to his eyes. 

Nanami swallows, still slightly unsettled by what he saw. It had been one thing to experience that as a child, but watching it as an adult, seeing how the people who were supposed to be looking after him brushed away his fears like they were nothing, hurt, even now. Part of him wanted to hug his younger self, to tell him he had become someone that everyone depended on, that someone wished for him to stay alive so hard that she put a neutralizing charm on him and saved his life. 

Was this how the rest of his Trial would be? If the first memory it showed him was this one, Nanami knew it would only get worse from here. His being felt painfully raw after seeing that childhood recollection, and he was unsure if he wanted to see more of that. The events that occurred at Jujutsu High when he was a teenager were unavoidable; he had been prepared for those to crop up based on the conversation he’d had with the shadow, but to see himself defenseless, as a child, with no one on his side was already breaking down his psyche. 

As he gathered his will to push on, he recalled the shadow saying this Trial was so he could face his deepest regrets. Deepest, not every. Could he have possibly found a way to get out of here faster? Nanami knew he had regrets that ran deeper than the day at the lake. If he approached each mirror, he would know which regret it was showing him. What if he could skip over the ones that weren’t as bad and only get to the ones that had really impacted him?

Motivated by the idea, he peeks into the next mirror panel, the colors and shapes coming into focus and he sees himself at 11, seated on the sofa with his parents, his dad looking stern, his mother exasperated. Recalling this event, Nanami quickly walks away from the mirror to the next one. Dealing with his regrets should not involve also dealing with his emotional trauma. That was too much. 

He stands in front of the next mirror and waits for the memory to come into focus. However, to his dismay, the colors remain as jumbled objects colliding with each other, refusing to coalesce. Hoping this was just a coincidence, he moves to the next one and is met with the same view, abstract movements, and blurs of action, refusing to show themselves to him. 

A regret is a regret, no matter how big, perhaps. Or maybe, the mirror dimension had determined what his deepest regrets already were, and he would have to face whatever it threw at him. 

With a sigh of defeat, Nanami turns back and goes to the mirror he was hoping to avoid. His heart was racing at the thought of reliving that day, but he was left with no choice. Once directly opposite to it, he braces himself for the memory. 

“Kento, this cannot go on any further. Your mother and I…we’re at a loss about what to do.”

“I’m sorry otosan.” His 11-year-old self keeps his gaze trained downwards, observing his legs that were swinging off the edge of the sofa. “But I mean it, it was there, trying to hurt my classmate.”

“Kento.” His mother leans towards him. “I am not sure what to believe anymore. These…incidents. These…stories. They’re becoming a more frequent occurrence. The doctors are baffled.”

Nanami’s dad, a man resembling him now in terms of height and build, tsks and shakes his head. “They’ve suggested medications, talking to a therapist-”

“The therapist wasn’t helping. They never believed anything I said.” The small boy appears to shrink a few inches in between his parents, his little fingers now fidgeting with each other as he speaks his words. 

“Kento, the problem is, we’re having difficulty believing you as well.” His mother looks like she’s about to cry and it fills his younger self with guilt, that he’s making her this way over him. “The doctors believe you have schizophrenia. It would explain you seeing things that aren’t there-”

“But they are there,” little Nanami insists desperately, looking at his parents with tears in his eyes. “They’re there, but it feels like I’m the only person that can see them.” He sees the look his parents exchange and feels like his worst fear is being confirmed; that his parents thought he was going crazy.

Adult Nanami steps away from the mirror, feeling sweat on his forehead. He feels his heart hammering in his chest and he slides down the smooth glass onto the floor trying to not fall apart. It was behind him. He had put this all behind him. He had vowed to never remember any of this ever again. It was why his will stated all his possessions should be donated to charity. He didn’t have a family. Had no one checking in on him. No one to visit during the holidays, save the other staff from the school. 

Jujutsu High had been both a blessing and a curse. But Nanami hadn’t felt like he was part of a family in decades. Hadn’t allowed himself to want that simple wish because it hurt too much. The aum charm swings against his leg, a pendulum reminding him of the limited time he has left. He realizes the day spent at the amusement park had been the first time in his adult life that he had allowed himself to indulge in that little fantasy. That the little group he had trained had somehow become his family of misfits. It wasn’t until now that he realized how much he wanted that to become a reality. That he wanted to belong.

Taking deep calming breaths, he gets to his feet, not totally prepared to face the memory again but is astonished to see the mirror has already frosted up, the memory blocked and gone. Admitting he wanted a family…another lesson learned. 

Unsteadily, Nanami moves on, hoping the next memory isn’t as brutal as the first two.  

support banner by @/ cafekitsune

tagging:

@that-goth-bisexual @buttercupbitches @jadedjane @hunnie-lily

@starsinmylatte @soft--cherry @estarlias

@daswanj @connorsui @kentosgirlie @dreaming-about-seireitei @byul9158

@darkstarlight82 @whatshernameis @Galatict3a

@Mangiswig @bleachbrainrotbro @illusionaryennui @harlekin6

@pernesophe @26xidk @an-ever-angry-bi

@sweetbouquetpanda @muzansfangs

[meichenxi]

Language learning: slow learning versus toxic productivity

Or: the process in crisis

Five years ago, all of the productivity advice I read (and gave out) as a successful self-learner of many different languages had one basic premise: that I was not doing enough, and that I could always be doing more.

Several burnouts later, running headlong from one mental illness into another, I'd like to invite you to entertain the exact opposite idea: there is a limit to what you can do. I have run face-first into mine on multiple occasions, and burnt out. At many points I've stopped learning the language at all. Most importantly, I've learnt to be distrustful of the very premise that all of the so-called productivity or optimisation advice is based on.

More is not always more.

Listen to a podcast in the target language whilst you exercise. Exercise to give yourself more energy to learn your target language. Talk to yourself in the shower in your target language. Do Anki whilst eating breakfast. Listen to Glossika whilst walking to work. Change your phone settings to your target language. Bullet journal. Manage your time. Make friends in your target language. Control your time. Write a diary. There's always enough time. These are all things I have done myself and recommended others do, to increase exposure to the language, to increase productivity.

Productivity? What productivity? What, exactly, is it that we are producing? I am producing sentences and words but - for who? Who is listening? Nobody's here, in my room, at 7am on a Sunday. If productivity were just speaking or writing, I'd be productive in my native language too, by virtue of speaking out loud. Or conversely, in language learning circles, should we measure it in terms of input? How many hours did you spend listening to Chinese yesterday? What about today? Is there anything you do in your life, in your daily life, that you could optimise? You're wasting time. There's time here, for those that want it. If you want to get ahead, to be successful, to be a good language learner, you have to know how to use that time. Go online, and debate over which tools are the best; watch your videos. What exactly is it that is being produced?

Productivity is a measuring tool for concrete output: the productivity of a field means how much crop it can yield per harvest. The productivity of a factory is how many mobile phone chargers it can bring to market per year. There are direct and measurable ways to increase this sort of productivity. But what is productivity when it comes to knowledge work? Cal Newport's work, The Minimalists, Essentialism: they all run into the same problem, which is that nobody seems to know what 'productivity' for knowledge workers means at all. You can look at a factory line and see which parts need greasing up, figuratively or literally: it is very difficult, on the other hand, to look at the work of a self-contained writer and tell her where she is going 'wrong'. (And by 'wrong', I mean - slow.) And language learning is an even more particular subset of that particular subset of work.

You could judge a novelists' productivity two ways: by the 'busyness' of her daily writing routine, or the amount of novels she produces. But what exactly is being produced when we learn a language? What is the end product?

In some ways, language learning as a hobby is even more playful than traditionally thought of arts and crafts. (By 'play' I mean something which is done for its own sake, and which is pleasurable, and which may yield next to no monetary reward.) We might think of the poet as sitting on a tree and dangling his feet in the river, a vision of artful indolence, but at the end of the day there is output - a poem. A knitter has a jumper. A potter has a pot. But language learning doesn't follow this [work] + [time] = [tangible output] structure. We can't even use the second metric of 'productivity' to measure it at all. Something is being done, of course - I can learn to speak Greek, and speak it markedly better after two months than one - but my point is you can't look at a day's work and say, this is exactly how much I learnt. Learning is not memorisation in the short term - it's receiving input, and practicing how to wield and use a structure. It doesn't happen over the course of a ten-minute podcast.

Learning happens - encoding happens - when the brain is doing other things. In other words, much like every creative process, you need downtime. You need rest, and sleep, and fun, and brightness and joy in your life. You might 'remember' a bunch of words on Anki, but you need to sleep before you can review them again: that's the whole point.

There is a much wider problem here, a culture of goals and optimising your life and glowing up, and to be honest, I find it disturbing. I think that for a very long time my language learning metrics were a stand-in, a relic, for the kinds of unhealthy and obsessively perfectionist thinking that gave me an eating disorder. How many of us truly believe - genuinely, with every inch of our heart - that we are better people if we 'better' ourselves? Learn more. Exercise more. Study more. How do you feel about yourself at the end of a day, exhausted, because you've completed day 75/100? Do you feel better about yourself because you've achieved? I'm guessing that you do.

For many people - including for myself - this wider culture has spilled over into their hobbies. Hobbies like language learning in particular are a target for this because they are so easily quantifiable - and we are encouraged, if we want to succeed, to quantify them. How else will we know how to improve?

Over the last few years, after burning out, after living off grid and without wifi and doing extreme minimalism and a lot of other lifestyle experiments to try and understand why modern life is so fucking hard, it's become clear that most systems of 'productivity' measure 'optimisation' by getting the most done in a day, but they don't stop to question whether you should be doing those things at all.

They don't stop to ask: what matters? They don't stop to ask: why am I trying to write a novel, finish my dissertation, pursue a romantic relationship, get healthy, learn ice-skating, learn to cook, look after my aging parents, and learn guitar at the same time? They don't ask: how do I prioritise, and where do I find silence? They ask: how do I cram more time in the day? They don't ask: how do I slow time down? They don't ask: how can I know what matters, if I never give myself space to think?

In other words: 'productivity' in language learning is measured by 'busy-work', by how much you can see from the surface.

You can't measure how well the learning is going, exactly, but you can measure how many hours a day you show up and grind. Whether or not that struggle is the best use of your time, or whether you're spending the time on things that will truly bring you value and quality, is a different question altogether.

And it's not one most 'productivity culture' will ever ask.

There will be things in your language learning journey that, to borrow from self-help terminology, no longer serve you. Habits and relics and resources and mindsets that worked for you once, or no longer did. Those books that are too advanced that you feel like you 'should' be able to read. That textbook that's been sitting beside your bed for a year. That habit of scrolling social media in your target language that was helpful when you were at a more intermediate level, but does little for you now that you're advanced.

Take stock of these. Simplify. Do less, but do it better. Productivity culture never stops to ask: what can I do without? It always asks, instead: how can I do more? But maybe - just maybe - the way to do more is to focus on fewer things, but do them well.

Multi-tasking isn't multi-tasking, but switching quickly between different focuses of attention. The average American owns 300,000 things, and watches television for 4-5 hours a day. On average, if you are distracted, it takes you 20 minutes to reach the same level of deep focus: but the average American office worker opens an email within six seconds of receiving it. Are you any better with your phone? How much time do you spend there? If you meditate, that's wonderful, but do you have any time to let yourself think? To walk and to understand how to feel? I don't want to sound like a boomer, but: can you name the birds? Do you live in a place, not just a room?

Stop trying to be 'productive'. Do less. Do it well.

I am now facing a wall in my learning of Chinese, and I'm still not sure how to get around it. The reason for this is because so much of the advice I gave others around language learning, and so much of the advice I found online, is focused on this sort of optimisation. But I no longer want to be listening to something, to be watching something, every second of every day. I have a partner to love and a house to appreciate and I want to spend time, humming and pleasant, alone with my thoughts, and it's summer, dear diary, and I don't want to stay indoors. Routines can keep you afloat, but they can also drown you. Do something different. Do something new. Do something that is not productive, that produces nothing, idle away, walk to work without music and perhaps when you sit down to your language learning that evening, you'll be filled with a renewed vigour and love for it. Do it because you love it, not because you scheduled it in your calendar.

A lesson, related, from my martial arts teacher. He said:

If you are tired, do not train. If you do not train, rest. 'Rest' does not mean go on your phone.

The same principle applies here. If you are tired of learning, which you may well be, rest. Not going on your phone, not watching Netflix. I mean taking a walk and sitting under the tree and looking at the patterning of the sky. I mean lying with your dog and absently scratching his tummy. If you're tired, and you have the luxury to stop - stop. Let yourself be tired. Don't drink caffeine. Sleep.

Last year, I was able to write 340,000 words of fiction because I focused on one thing: writing my book. Apart from things that I literally needed to do to survive and maintain my health and relationships around me, I didn't set a single other to-do. My daily list looked like: write for three hours. Not a word limit. Not exercise, though I ended up doing that, not learning a language. I imagine that if I had tried to focus on Chinese at the same time that I wouldn't have achieved anywhere near half the result. I still learnt Chinese, a very decent amount - I went to China and Taiwan for three months in total! - but I did it because I wanted to, of a whim, on a Sunday, something fun. It wasn't a must, or anything I was forcing myself to do. Many days I didn't do any Chinese at all. It was so immensely freeing to be able to think, at 11am: I'm finished for today. Even when I was at work, because I knew I was just there to pay the rent, I felt serene. Stressed on a day-to-day level, certainly, because all work is stressful, but - there wasn't any striving. I just did the best I could. And that was enough.

I am writing this, now, as I come out of my first ever information-overload burnout. I've burnt out, but I've never experienced one of these before: even looking at a book, at a phone, physically hurt my eyes. I couldn't bear to listen to people speak and would lock myself away in my room. I physically felt I could not talk, and had to take extensive time off work. Even looking at a pen and a blank page was too much; listening to podcasts was too much; reading the instructions for dinner was too much too. The only way I could heal was by doing absolutely nothing at all. That period shocked me deeply, because it showed me how absolutely dependent I was on having some input of information all of the time. No wonder I was tired.

I know, now, that there are lots of movements built around this same idea, by frustrated learners all over the world: the growing realisation that metrics and Excel and polylogger and tracking tracking tracking can't be the only way to learn. That a list of the number of books you've read in one year is hardly indicative of how well you understood those books, and what you learned from them. You've read 20 books this year already - good job. When do you think about them? What time do you spend on reflection? Why did you choose those books? Which chapters, and which characters, hit you the hardest? Why?

Minimalism, deep work, 'monk mode', essentialism, every writer's dream to run away and write in a cabin in the woods, slow learning, Buddhism, Stoicism, Marie Kondo-ism, the art of less, project 333, my no-buy-year, slow fashion, slow food, slow travel:

What all of these philosophies have in common is the idea that doing things deliberately ('mindfully') means 1) doing things slowly, 2) doing things well, and 3) doing things one at a time.

I am now at a place in my life where I understand the value of time alone with my thoughts. I don't want to listen to podcasts every minute of the waking day, because I need time to think about them. I need time to let the ideas for my novel grow in the dark. Nothing can be heard in noise; so make space for silence. I am a member of the real, living, breathing world, and that means I cannot devote 8 hours a day to Chinese television shows like I could when I was 20. I have to call my father. I have to do the dishes. I want to flex my creative muscles in other ways. Alternatively - I no longer believe that my worth is tied up inherently with how well I do my hobbies.

You're just some guy. There's freedom in that. You, my friend - you suck <3

Let yourself be bad. Let yourself be mediocre. Let yourself 'slide backwards' or regress, because all that means is that you're putting focus somewhere else. It'll come back. It always does.

I'm no longer comfortable, therefore, with the way that the language learning community tackles productivity. Please don't misunderstand; a lot of us have time spare that we could use to do things 'better' for us. I know. But I just believe now that getting rid of things, like the time you spend on your phone, is going to be more helpful in the long run than trying to force yourself into some gruelling, achievement-centric regime that collapses from within after two months of struggle and self-flagellation.

The other realisation I have had is just how much happier I am spending more time being alive, really alive, and less time in front of a screen. For a language like German or Gaelic that's much easier, because you can study with books, but with Chinese you always have to study to some extent with audios, flashcards, computers. Especially if - like me - you can read novels without a dictionary, but cannot handwrite even your Chinese name. So where next?

I don't have any answers. I'm not sure how to pair the two things together, to be honest, because almost all of my language learning has traditionally made use of technology. It's all been goal-orientated, systems-orientated, and despite the fact that I've failed at using these systems every day for years, despite the fact that Anki has NEVER worked for me, despite the fact that I have spent hundreds if not thousands of pounds on courses here, there, a wealth of overwhelm and five thousand words saved on Pleco, did I read that right? Five thousand. No wonder I'm stressed.

Regardless of happiness, it's much easier to achieve a state of deep focus and work when you're not online. After my period of information burnout, I feel actual physical pain from the weight of choices online. It's exhausting. I'm watching a Chinese show, but I want to go on tumblr. I'm on tumblr, but I feel guilty for not watching the Chinese show. I'm constantly torn between doing this and that, never fully committing to anything, seeing a post by Lindie Botes and thinking, damn, she's good. I should be better. But I don't want to compare myself to her. Do you know what? She is good. I admire her immensely. But I don't want to judge my self-worth by some imagined scale of productivity anymore - and, the more time passes, the more I'm not sure what 'productivity' in the context of language learning even means.

Try slow, focused, deep learning. You might just find it works.

There's something refreshing, almost counter-cultural, anti-capitalist, anti-consumerist, anti-rat-race, about this thought. Slow learning. I think there's an answer here, somewhere. It's a problem I've been dancing around for a while; and do you remember how you learnt your first foreign language? For me, it was on the floor, absolutely absorbed in German comic books, flicking through the dictionary furiously and scribbling things down in a notebook. I only had one book, and one dictionary, and one grammar book. I want to go back to that sort of simplicity. There was joy in that.

One again: I don't have any answers. I don't know exactly what direction this blog is going to go in, as I wrestle with these sorts of meta-problems. I'd love to hear your thoughts. And for now, if there's one thing I'd like you to take away from this long and frankly absurdly rambling post (thank you for bearing with me!) it's an alternative answer for the question I get so often, about what you can do to learn the language when you're tired, because:

Yes, you could watch reality TV shows in Chinese, or you could give yourself permission to be human. You could rest.

Thanks guys. Meichenxi out <3

[lucy90712]

Not enough- Jude Bellingham

Dating a footballer is fun until he becomes incredibly successful and all of a sudden there are rumours left and right of him dating someone that isn't you. That's what my life is like Jude and I got together 3 years ago now when we were 17 and have been together since but we never made our relationship public because until the summer we were still long distance and didn't want the extra pressure. Having our relationship private has been so nice as it has meant when we do see each other we get to just enjoy being together but it also means we have to deal with rumours of who Jude might be dating. Those rumours never really got to me while Jude was at dortmund but since he's moved to Madrid things have just got so much more intense it seems that every few weeks there is a million new articles and tweets. 

Having to read all of this and seeing how pretty all the girls has really started to get to me. All the girls Jude is rumoured to be with are either models or just incredibly pretty which makes me feel awful about myself. All these girls have made a name for themselves in some way yet here I am with my job in a cafe while I try and find a job in the area that I studied. Jude likes to tell me that he doesn't care what I do for a living or how much I make but I can't help but feel guilty when I can't contribute much to the house or get him expensive things like he does for me. I'm also definitely no model I'm definitely not as pretty or as skinny as a model which I used to be ok with but now I don't feel so confident in myself. The other wags are also so pretty I definitely don't fit in with them either which makes me feel even worse about myself. 

Jude doesn't seem to have any clue that this is all going on he wakes up goes to training then hangs out with the boys leaving me until late at night so he doesn't see all the rumours or how they affect me. He's not here for the time I spend scrolling through social media or looking in the mirror judging everything about myself. Even when Jude is home he always seems to have something else on his mind so he never really gives me compliments anymore. I'd like to think that he still loves me but at this point I'm really not sure I mean he's young and he's attractive why would he want to be tied down with someone like me he can do so much better. I simply don't think I'm enough for him. 

A few days ago Jude went out to celebrate a big win for the team while I stayed at home but the next morning all I could see was rumours that Jude was flirting with multiple girls all night letting them dance with him and since I haven't really spoken to him. I spent all of last night laying awake thinking about everything and I decided that I just think I need to break up with Jude so then he's free to do all the things everyone thinks he's doing anyway. It's hard to decide to end a relationship especially one that has been going on for so long and one you are so fond of but I don't see any other way forward. This is why I've been so distant with Jude because in my head if I didn't talk to him that would make all of this easier. 

As always Jude left for training just as I got up for work but by the time I got back he was home which only happened the first few weeks I arrived so it was strange to see him here. Like always I headed upstairs to shower and change and when I came back out the bathroom Jude was sat on the bed waiting for me. I still didn't say anything to him because I'm trying to stay strong until I find the right time to tell Jude how I feel. 

"Babe are you ok you've barely spoken to me the last few days" he said 

"Yeah I'm fine just been busy had a lot on my mind that's all" I replied 

"Please don't lie to me I know there's something more going on I see the way you look all the time I just couldn't figure out what was wrong and now I give up so please tell me what's going on" he begged 

"I didn't want to say this yet because I'm still figuring things out but I think we should break up I just can't do this anymore" I said 

"Please no baby no I can't live without you whatever I've done I can fix it and I'm sorry just please don't break up with me" he said 

"It's nothing you've done it's just me" I said 

"Then what is it please tell me if you really want to do this at least tell me why" he said 

"I'm just not good enough for you every day there is new rumours of you being with someone else and all of them are prettier and have more going for them than I do and you deserve to be with one of them or to just be free to do what you want" I explained 

"But I want you that's what I want I don't want any of these girls nor is there anything going on with any other girl incase that's what you're thinking I like that you live a more normal life you keep me grounded and I think you are the prettiest girl in the world" Jude replied 

"Then why are you never home and why do you never compliment me anymore?" I asked 

"I-I'm sorry babe you're right I haven't been home much but I will change that I will come home after training and I will invite you to more things and believe me I could sit here for hours and compliment you and I'll do that if I need to" he said 

Jude did exactly what he said he started listing all the things he loves about me while giving me kisses. It felt so good to have his attention again it felt like we were back to how we were before I came to Madrid. After he complimented every single part of me he asked if I'd like to go out on a date like a proper date outside where people could see us and I didn't hesitate to say yes. Even if people see us who cares it's about time that we went public with our relationship then the rumours can be true for once. We have talked about going public a few times but now feels like the right time just so we can stop the media getting too far out of control 

I got all dressed up in a pretty dress and my makeup and hair all done for once I actually felt really pretty. When Jude walked in he had a white shirt and some black trousers on which he looked so good in. He stopped as soon as he saw me and I think his jaw actually hit the floor which made me blush and that was before he started complimenting me. The entire drive Jude didn't stop telling me how beautiful I looked which honestly made me feel so good about myself. 

At the restaurant there was people taking pictures of us walking in which Jude tried to protect me from a bit but we wanted to be seen together. It was weird being in front of so many cameras as I've spent years trying to avoid all of this but now I'm happily letting them all take pictures and stare at me trying to work out who I am so they can get their exclusive headline. The people in the restaurant were lovely though they showed us to our table then left us alone as much as possible which was nice as we were able to have a proper date night together. As we finished dessert Jude showed me all the pictures all over Instagram and Twitter then he showed me a post he had drafted to tell everyone about our relationship and put an end to everything. He had a beautiful caption written which nearly made me cry and all the pictures he had I hadn't seen before as they were ones he took secretly but they were all so cute. He let me click post so that it was my decision to go public then he took my phone and turned it off so we could enjoy the rest of our evening together without having to see what everyone has to say.

[jeonscatalyst]

https://www.tumblr.com/pjslight/765192589573079040/relationship-status?source=share

Just curious... I want to know your thoughts on this.

Hi anon,

I must say I actually really love reading from Jikookers who have very different opinions on what Jikook’s relationship might actually be like and I don’t know about others but I enjoyed reading OP’s thoughts on the whole thing as this was an angle I had never seen any Jikooker discuss before.

I have always said that, anything is possible because we unfortunately don’t know every side of their story and I have also always said that, there is a good possibility that Jikook didn’t have a conventional relationship, not because they didn’t want to but because their circumstances made it impossible for them to.

This is just my opinion obviously but I don’t quite agree with OP on the point that they might have never realized that they loved each other. 13 years is a very long time for people who have lived that closely and have been that close to each other, spending a lot of down and private time with each other to not realize how they felt for each other.

I think this is an argument we can make about fetus Jikook because I honestly believe that they (especially Jimin) didn’t understand he felt for Jungkook. This might be an unpopular opinion but Jungkook might have figured out first that he liked Jimin in a way he shouldn’t which would explain his hot and cold attitude towards him. You know ignoring him when Jimin payed attention to him and then sought him out when Jimin wasn’t paying attention. Shoving him in walls in front of the camera but going to cuddle him in his sleep and wanting to spend nights with him. Fetus Jk was the epitome of a hormonal teen with a crush on someone they didn’t want to accept that they liked.

Jimin on the other hand let himself feel what he felt for Jungkook but he just didn’t understand why he liked Jungkook the way he did. We heard teenage Jimin ask himself multiple times why he liked Jungkook so much and even mentioned how it drove him crazy how much he liked Jungkook. We had fetus Jimin openly saying that he thought Jungkook was really cute but he knew that if he said that, people would think he was weird. He was clearly questioning himself about his feelings for Jungkook possibly because these feelings for another guy like himself were not feelings he had had before but I think after sometime, he figure it out and knew that he had a crush on Jungkook or was in love with him. I think that even though Jungkook probably figured out that he was attracted to Jimin in a different way before Jimin did, I think Jungkook had a harder time letting Jimin see or know that he liked him.

Jimin in my opinion is someone who gives his all to the people he is in love with. He jumps into it with his entire body and completely lets that person know all his cards while Jungkook is one who feels these things but is more weary of letting the person know all his cards unless push comes to shove (hello rainy day story) Jungkook is a softy who desperately wants to act like a tsundere. He always wants to seem or come off cool so he plays the tough uninterested guy (I mean how do you explain him shoving Jimin away or ignoring Jimin every time Jimin was affectionate but at the same time went to cuddle him in his sleep or kept trying to touch him when Jimin wasn’t paying attention?) while Jimin is/was that person who loves like a fool. Jungkook wants to seem cool and like he is a “je m’en fous” kind of person but he is really a softy. Jk is the kind of person who would verbally deny how he feels just because he doesn’t want to lose points lol while Jimin is that person who doesn’t care if he loses points as he just wants to be able to freely talk about and express his feelings. It is kinda hard to explain but even though I find that Jk tends to act tough, I think he actually even loves harder than Jimin does but just hates to admit that he does while Jimin has no problem admitting that he is a goner.

I also don’t think Jimin and Jungkook haven’t acted on their feelings. Let’s be serious here for a moment we are not 12. Who honestly believes that Jimin and Jungkook spent all those long nights together so often just looking at each other’s faces? Over the years Jimin and Jungkook clearly liked going to spend their nights and downtime with each other alone and while this is partly because they had the same sleeping habits, there were definitely other reasons. We are talking about them constantly choosing to be together ALONE at nights and during other downtimes even though they usually spent almost all day together with the rest of the members. I know we have discussed this at length but who honestly believes that in LA, Jk kept going to spend hours in Jimin’s hotel room because he was too lazy to take 5 extra steps to any other member’s room? We are talking about boys who met and probably fell for each other while they were hormonal teenagers who barely had a chance to date because of their hectic schedules and because they weren’t even really allowed to because of the career path they choose. These two hormonal teens obviously feel attracted to each other and surprise, surprise love to spend a lot of time together alone, mostly at nights…..come on, do we really think their will power was tough enough to resist how attracted to each other they were? I am betting good money on the point that they definitely acted on those feelings.

Now where I do somewhat agree with OP is on the point that their circumstances may have made things difficult for them to have a conventional relationship. Sometimes we don’t get just how difficult things must have been from their pov. Now, this isn’t to say that there aren’t people who have made things work under the most difficult circumstances but I think that them being famous and all, made things a little more difficult for them. I also agree that there may have been points when things felt a little too serious for them and they panicked and took steps back from each other. I don’t necessarily think that they hooked up with other people though because not everybody turns to hooking up with other people just because they can’t be with the ones they love but it isn’t an impossibility.

I think Jimin and Jungkook’s relationship is a lot more complicated that any of us could even begin to understand and I think that within all the years of them being together, they have had a ton of ups and downs.

I think Jimin and Jungkook are together but I don’t know how together they are. I think Jimin and Jungkook love each other and are possibly in love with each other and have always been but I don’t know how seriously they choose to treat what they felt/ feel for each other. I think they both know what they feel for each other and regardless of how they agreed to deal with those feelings, I think they were moments where they wanted to just have a normal relationship and probably just date and let everyone know. I think there were moments where they got frustrated about not being able to love each other freely or be together like they wanted to be which led to them expressing those feelings in unconventional ways. Say whatever you want but JK’s GCFs to me was a way he found to express how he felt for Jimin. I think his GCFs were an outlet to release those feelings he felt like he had to hide from the world and he found a clever way to do it. I think that during Rosebowl, when Jimin and Jungkook kept shouting “I love you” and “Love You” back to back, I think those were not to the fans but to each other. The moment they stopped saying “I love you guys” and switched to “ I love you” while saying it right after each other, that was them shouting to the world that they loved each other but of course doing it in a clever way that didn’t make things obvious. I think those two have craved having a normal relationship where they could openly be together and tell the world about how they felt for each other but couldn’t and this made them sad and also put strains in whatever relationship they have with each other.

Things were never bound to completely make sense for the simple fact that we don’t have all the information. We are not always able to explain their happiness, sadness, coldness, aloofness, anger because we don’t know what happens in their lives everyday. I believe I have said this before but even though I had always been positive that Jungkook loved Jimin a lot, no other period showed me just how much he loved Jimin like the solo era did. I remember watching Jungkook’s actions in the solo era with my jaw touching the floor because he couldn’t be more obvious and watching the Jimin centric Live he did on March 27th 2023 always breaks my heart in so many ways,I mean who watched those lives and doesn’t see how much Jungkook loves Jimin? Who watched those lives and didn’t wonder why Jimin eats hot food on Suchwita and we have Jungkook repeating twice with obvious concern on his face that the food must be hot and going ahead to move his mouth like he is trying to cool down the burning sensation for Jimin? Who watched Jk and didn’t notice how obviously attracted he is to Jimin by how he went so still and almost stopped breathing while he watched SMF pt 2 Jimin? Who watched Jk in the solo era and didn’t question why someone would wake up at 4am to watch his band mate while kicking, smiling and blushing? Nah, Jimin and Jungkook know how they feel about each other, have probably acted on those feelings or done something about it but I just don’t know what they decided to term what it is they have with each other and how seriously they have chosen to treat those feelings.

Life and relationships are extremely complicated so anything at all is possible. Even though most of us wish for or hope that Jikook have this fairytale type of romance, it probably isn’t always like that because unfortunately life knows how to throw the biggest curve balls and that’s why it is important to keep an open mind about how things might really be with these two. I feel like it is obvious to me that they love and are attracted to each other. I also think it is abit unrealistic to think they haven’t acted on their feelings but what we don’t know for sure is how seriously they choose to treat those very obvious feelings they’ve always had for each other, so I do agree with OP to some extent and disagree with some of their points but I think their post was really good and it felt refreshing to get a different pov.

[wrathofrats]

Some gay freak DMd me “I love the idea of mist hating rains attitude and how fucking high n mighty he seems to feel so she wrecks him and maybe she has Dew watch for a touch of humiliation bc dews obv so obsessed w Rain, it'll be good for droplet to see how pathetic he rlly is or smthn” and then I blacked out and wrote multiple paragraphs in his DMs so enjoy

(Love youuuuu @divine-misfortune)

Warnings for: dubcon, humiliation, probably technically exhibitionism, tentacles, trans rain, mean mist, yeah

Rain hasn’t looked at her all day.

Between trying to teach him how to play all the way through square hammer and trying to even begin touching the newer songs he’s expected to play, rain has barely even spoken or looked her in the eyes.

When mist corrects his technique he ignores her, playing through anyways like he hasn't done anything wrong. His attitude can be rough at times, as any water ghouls is, but today? Mist doesn’t think she can handle it. She can deal with snarky comments and eye rolls, but rain acting like he knows better than her makes her blood boil.

“Is this seriously how you’re going to act today?” Mist scoffs when rain looks up just to look back down again. “Are you really not going to listen to me?”

“I already know the song. Maybe if you stopped talking you’d be able to hear it too” rain mumbles.

Mist almost sees red. She hastily grabs the bass from his hands, trying not to let her rage damage the instrument. Once she knows it’s safe back in its stand she grabs rain by the shirt collar and drags him to the common room, ignoring the curses and protests rain yells out while clawing at her hand.

Dew sits in one of the chairs, legs lazily thrown over the arm with his phone in his hand. He honestly looks like he’s about to fall asleep before he hears the sound of rain threatening mist coming from around the corner.

“Get your fucking hands off of me mist!” Rain almost screams as she practically throws him to the ground in front of dew. It’s a pointed decisions, she’s seen the way dew looks at him, can read him like a book after all the time they’ve had to spend together. If rain wants to act like a brat for her, then he should have no problem showing that side of him to dew as well.

“Stay down if you know what’s good for you” mist hisses when rain scrambles. Dew can only stare wide eyed at the situation in front of him. He swings his legs to sit normally, confused on if he should stay where he is or leave to save rains dignity. The look mist throws at him keeps him glued in the chair.

“Our perfect water lily seems to think he’s figured everything out” mist smiles at dew, slotting herself behind rain. “Just thought that there’s one more thing he might want to know about”

One arm holds him to her chest as he struggles, the other yanks his pants to his ankles. Rain attempts to cover himself, pull his legs up and place his hands over his exposed cunt, but shame fills his face even if dew can’t actually see anything like this.

Dew just sits and watches, doesn’t dare to move. He’s half embarrassed for the poor ghoul in front of him because he knows damn well what mist is about to do,

But the other half is almost too excited to see it.

Mist whispers something unintelligible into rains ear that subdues him enough to let her force his legs open. His pussy is on full display for dew to gawk at. He’s already starting to get slick and shiny, pretty. Rain can bare to look at him, instead shoving his face into mists neck as she coos.

Mist slides her fingers up and down his folds, gathering the slick that’s already about to drip onto the carpet, and spreads him wide so dew can see how he clenches around nothing when she ghosts her fingers over his clit.

It’s obscene. Dew feels like he’s the sick one for staring so hard but god it’s impossible not to watch. Rains thighs twitch as if he desperately wants to close them and hide himself but he knows better, breathing heavy while mist just smiles at how docile she’s made him.

She rubs at his clit, purposeful motions that have him bucking up into her hand in search of more friction. The debauched wet sounds get louder as she works, dew wouldn’t be surprised if the floor below him was soaked already.

Mist is shocked it doesn’t take much, even more so that rain doesn’t know about this part of himself yet since he seems to be so easy. She rubs faster when she begins to feel it, rain lifting his head in slight panic.

Dew knows what she’s doing, knows the terrifying feeling.

A thick tentacle slowly reveals itself from rains cunt, bluish in hue, dripping in rains own arousal.

“Oh there we are waterlily” mist smiles as rain again tries to wiggle himself away to close his legs in shame from whatever is currently happening to him.

Mist keeps him open and on display, strokes the tentacle and guides it to stretch him open. Not super long but absolutely thick enough to have rain gasping and jutting his hips away,

It’s wet, making a mess of the poor ghoul for dew to watch, just seeing his little crush get ruined by his own tentacle in front of him.

[googleitlol]

Aaah, I just thought of some cute headcanons that I figured would fit Wukong and Dove, and Macaque and Lian too!💖 Hope you like them!

For Wukong and Dove (for both LMK AU and Black Myth Wukong, and PoM:

1. Wukong sometimes falls asleep right next to Dove and uses her lap as a pillow, and even purrs whenever he gets into a deep sleep on her. Dove didn’t tell him about the purring the first few times because she thought it was adorable and didn’t want him to embarrassed.

2. Wukong’s tail is very sensitive, so he easily gets excited and flustered whenever Dove touches it, which she uses to her advantage on multiple occasions such as if she wants him to listen or simply tease him.

For Macaque and Lian:

1. Sometimes when Macaque performs his shadow puppet shows from his lantern or simply using his powers for Lian, she would rest her head against his shoulder with a fond smile while watching his plays. On most occasions, she would even fall asleep on him while Macaque stares down at her with the softest smile.

2. Part of the reason Macaque wears his glamour to hide his scarred eye in the present day is because up until seeing Lian again, he had hoped to run into her reincarnation and used his glamour to maintain his original appearance so she would recognize him, and worried that she would be frightened by his eye after what Wukong did in the past.

Omg these are all so cute–

For Wukong and Dove:

This is adorable, I can imagine her sitting against a tree while he naps with his head on her lap. Maybe after they deal with Red Boy (in Black Myth Au and Main story) and find their friends, they stop for the day to set up camp earlier since everyone is tired af and they all need some time to calm down a bit. Wukong is patched up from the fight but SUPER tired still, and then Dove lets him rest in her lap. After spending the whole night thinking he might've died, having him sleep on her made her feel better– being able to feel him confirmed he was safe. Omg and when he starts purring??? Yeah, she won't say anything, but that's a card she's keeping in her pocket. Y'know, if he ever gets any ideas about trying to embarrass her. After that, it becomes somewhat of a regular thing to find Wukong napping on her, and sometimes, you'll find her doing the same

Ohohoho, I LOVE this one. Once Dove realizes how sensitive his tail is, she is using that to her full advantage. Maybe she has something important to say about how to defeat a demon but Wukong and the others are all talking over one another, so she gets his attention with his tail while he's mid-sentence. He'd 100% forget whatever the hell he was saying the moment she trails a finger down his tail. Eyes wide, absolutely GAGGED. Oh, she'd have so much fun teasing him like that. But if she does it too much, he'll have to get her back in some way…

For Macaque and Lian:

THIS IS SO CUTE!!! This is something I'll touch on in flashbacks, but there was a point in time where Lian was bedridden for a while. She was stuck in her bed for weeks, and while she'd get occasional visits from the Brotherhood, Macaque was with her everyday. Wukong would pop in for a few minutes each morning, but Macaque was the one who'd spend hours with her there. So I could totally seeing him doing this around that time, keeping her entertained with his shadow plays while she recovered. GAH THIS IS SO CUTE

Awwww, my heart! I can definitely see this, how he'd always want to be ready. I also think he'd hide it because he lost her before he and Wukong had their falling out, it was just days before Wukong got sealed under the mountain. So if she did recognize him, he wouldn't want her to ask about how he lost his eye and what happened after she, well… Macaque doesn't even know what happened to her. I mean, he knows what, he just doesn't know how. Needless to say, he would definitely use that reasoning to keep his glamour on because on the chance he ever got to reunite with Li, he'd want things to go back to exactly how they were. Before he lost his fight with Wukong, and before he lost her. He just wants them to happy, like they used to be.

[live-laugh-legolas]

hii!! so your previous crush-post (xD) was so. cute! may I ask for some more romantic fluff and the Fellowship (and Faramir and Arwen, if it's okay?) proposing to the reader?

I added pictures of what the rings might look like because I have a Pinterest addiction and figured I could put it to use

How the fellowship proposes (+ Faramir & Arwen)

Aragorn:

-To be completely honest, I don’t see him being particularly traditional about it

-And by that I mean he doesn’t make a big thing of it and doesn’t do the whole kneeling thing

-I imagine him proposing just happens in a loving conversation that is pretty casual

-But honestly every conversation with him feels kinda intimate so it’s still very romantic

Legolas:

-He is restless

-He plans it to be thought out and to give a little speech

-But it just kinda comes out

-Not in an awkward or rushed way; but he is just so in love he can’t wait any longer

Gimli:

-Actually shitting himself

-I really think he would have planned to propose on multiple different occasions but got too scared and chickened out

-It’s not because he isn’t sure about it, or thinks you won’t say yes; he just wants it to be perfect

-He covers for his anxiety with a forced confidence that is frankly adorable

-Blushes profusely

Boromir:

-Very traditional

-I’m talking secluded paradise with rose petals and candles everywhere

-He spares no expense; no he’s not extra…he just wants to show how much he loves you…that’s it

-Down on one knee giving a honorable and sweet speech about how you are the best thing in his life and how he will spend eternity loving you

-Definitely gets a little emotional but for the most part he keeps it together (the same cannot be said for your wedding)

-He had Faramir help him find a ring because I refuse to believe Boromir knows anything about fashion, let alone jewelry

Frodo:

-He’s a bit restless, but in a giddy sort of way

-He’s just so excited about the idea of marrying you that he isn’t even thinking too much about the proposal

-He knows you will say yes

-I could also see him putting the ring somewhere you will find it; maybe on your pillow, and hide in the next room all giddy like a little kid as he waits for you to find it

-This is what my dad apparently did and I think it’s cute

Sam:

-Ok I know I said Gimli is shitting himself; but this guy is actually having the squirts

-But he’s nervous because he gets very down on himself at times and he worries you might say no

-Logically he knows you will be so excited because you have talked about marriage before; but he can’t help but worry

-Doesn’t take you anywhere too fancy; he keeps it kinda casual but romantic

-Maybe in the garden

Merry:

-He has had this planned for months

-He has one of his friends distract you for the day while he sets up a romantic picnic dinner

-Like a surprise party that you are kinda expecting because the person getting you out of the house is kinda sus

-But it’s so sweet and Merry is dresses so nicely

-Seriously a dapper little hobbit

-He has practiced some speeches to Pippin, but he doesn’t end up doing any of them

-Instead he opts for just a natural conversation that is sweet and to the point

-Big expensive gem

Pippin:

-He has been pretending to propose for a while

-Well not really pretending, but you know it’s not his official proposal

-That being said every “proposal” he does comes with some sort of offering; he once did it with your dinner plate

-All his fake proposals were to have some fun with it, but mainly to get over his nerves; he’s practicing

-Will continue to fake propose even after you are married just for the fun of it

-Likes to see people’s reactions (plus maybe get a free cake slice at a restaurant or something idk)

-I wanted to add a joke picture of a tiny with three plastic carrots but alas you are only allowed 10 pictures apparently so just imagine I did a funny thing

*Bonus Faramir

-He is just the sweetest and I love this man

-He seems like the type to propose pretty early on in a relationship

-Not because he’s rushing, but he just knows you are the one

-Surprisingly calm about it; or at least he appears that way

*Double bonus Arwen:

-She is probably the most confident of them all

-She is just so sure spoken

-She makes sure you both are dressed in your best clothes and will take you to a beautiful secluded place in Rivendell

-Idk why but I felt strongly that the gem would be blue

-(sorry hers is short, I wasn’t particularly inspired idk why)

——————————————————————-

Just a little reminder that Gandalf isn’t included because I don’t generally write him for romantic prompts unless specifically asked