#I mean it used to be good in like 2015-2019 but 2020 and after was where it had its downfall tbh

[food-theorys-blog]

still upset I got banned from q but seeing how they removed feed and now they're removing the messages on June 1st im starting to be glad i got banned....

[doctorbunny]

So I thought it'd be silly and detract from this post to talk about fandom underneath it But I've been looking for a way to talk about this and I think this is as good a start as any.

I keep seeing a lot of people confused as to why Kazui, assuming he is a gay/aro/other closet LGBT man would want to 'decieve' Hinako by lying to her about being in romantic love with her and marrying her

It makes sense, if you're young and from the right area, you might not know a lot of history, its certainly not taught in schools. For example, to many people 'gay panic' is a cute trope, wherein a person struggles with their newly discovered identity and not a legal defence people used to excuse the beating and murder of gay people

Kazui is 39 years old. He would've turned 40 in August 2020, meaning he was born in 1980

When the comic above about Bert and Ernie getting a civil union (not even marraige yet) was made in 2003, he would've been 23.

By the time gay marraige was legalised in the US, it was 2015, Kazui would've been 35 (and despite Kazui being Japanese, because other countries like to copy America, the US legalising gay marraige was absolutely celebrated by LGBT people worldwide)

(here's a section of Our Dreams At Dusk a manga that began publication months before the legalisation of gay marraige in the US showing just two states legalising gay marraige as being news worthy to LGBT people in Japan) The first Asian country to legalise gay marraige was Taiwan in 2019 Japan is expected to be the second... but they're taking their time

Gender identity and sexual orientation are also not nationally protected civil rights, meaning protection from discrimination depends on the prefecture you live in.

And this is without getting into darker subjects like higher self harm/suicide rates or violent crimes against LGBT people

I don't want to be doom and gloom, many people are becoming more aware and accepting of LGBT people. But Kazui had every reason to wish to remain closeted

For all people talk about a 'divorce stigma' I believe it is silly to have expected a gay man in the 2000's, when many people even in the states thought gay marraige was unattainable in their lifetime, to have considered that when he got married to someone in an attempt to conform to society Especially because most difficulty to remarry after divorce comes from views surrounding custody laws and adoption. A lot of people don't want to get in a relationship with someone who already has children since they don't view them as their own on account of being blood related. This is probably why Fuuta's mother left Fuuta and his sister with their father. It's very notable that Milgram lampshades how by Kazui's age he was 'expected' to have children but didn't. We don't know Hinako's opinion on having children, but its possible Kazui intentionally didn't have any with her for this reason (despite feeling melancholy he could've had a child Muu's age by now)

Shidou had children (the eldest of which he likely sired while still being in medical school), Mahiru was still in university and thinking about planning a family, Amane notes that her mother gave birth to her when she was Mahiru's age. (TLs from Rochisama)

These aren't malicious feelings imo. This is Kazui noticing a coworker he likes is romantically interested in him and taking a chance on her in the hopes that playing a role as a straight man will make him into one. (unfortunately the suit doesn't fit) There is a Japanese saying of 出る杭は打たれる 'the nail that sticks out gets hammered in' suggesting it is better to not stand out (interestingly, the below lyric is the same in Japanese and English but in French its more like 'I can't take it anymore, I'm different')

It's also worth noting that gay people getting into heterosexual relationships even outside of Japan, used to be Extremely Common. Like my mother has a co-worker who did it

In addition, Yokohama is one of the more expensive places to live in Japan. Mixed with his expensive looking wedding and the traditonal dress of the family at his wedding. It's very likely he comes from a wealthy (conservative) background which would contribute to pressures

I'm rambling a little, i'm quite tired. But I don't want people to think this means they Have to vote Kazui innocent. I don't know your theories. Maybe you think he's straight or sexuality is entirely irrelavent to his crime or you think he's gay but you just want to vote him guilty for some other reason. Any reason is allowed (although non-milgram fans trying to use him as a luck shrine has to be pretty weird)

I just think that when you judge Kazui as a gay man who 'lied' to a straight woman, you need to look at the context it happened in and the many real people who still exist in marraiges like that. Beware whomst you call deceptive or manipulative in a world were heterosexuals feel entitled to your immediate coming out.

[likeadevils]

I know we stopped we controversial opinions a few days ago, but I was taking a break from tumblr 😞

idk how controversial this is, but I think question…? is a precursor of ttpd in terms of muse layering. I don’t think that the ootw references were there just as a chronological indicator for the events of the songs, I think they clearly point out at Harry, but I also think that the song has shades of Matty because I think that in her mind, and you can see that in the songs about Matty before the anger about him settled in, that Harry and Matty were similar in her mind

i stopped because my computer broke down and copy/pasting the format on mobile was murder BUT computer is back!

rating system:

is it rare?. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10

controversial with swifties? . . . 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10

controversial with normies? . . . 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10

do i agree with it? . . . . . . . . . . . . 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10

additional thoughts: i've seen this floated! definitely a contender in the "if a pre-ttpd song is about matty" conversation. the normie score is the only thing i'm going back and forth on, but i think it would be controversial to low-information swifties? cause it does sample ootw. so the normies here represent low information swifties more than like, your mom who knows shake it off and wanegbt and thats pretty much it.

question is one of the songs that i can see a good argument for being about matty. personally, i lean towards harry more for vibe reasons? like (with the current available information) matty seemed all in in 2014, whereas harry was sorta wishy washy the whole time they dated. and question reflects a state of hesitation leading to taylor walking away-- kissing in a crowded room is a point of tension for him, he's sneaking out in the middle of the night, etc. from what i've seen with matty, that dynamic was flipped-- after they broke it off, a big complaint he would return over and over to is how secretive he had to be about the whole thing.

there's also "when she said it was too much, do you wish you could still touch her?" is just mean when it's about matty (again, with the public information). the conclusions i draw from how they interacted in 2014 is matty was way more into her then she was into him, she got spooked by that (and the drug addiction), so she left him, and then he spent seven years floating in her orbit trying to win her back-- to my count he made public comments about wanting to work with her and/or talk to her again in 2015, 2016, 2018 if you count the journal about dating popstars thing, 2019, and 2020, before finally reconnecting in 2021. in the context of matty, "when she said it was too much, do you wish you could still touch her?" means "i left you after you said you loved me, and you're still not over me", whereas with harry it's "i left because getting slut-shamed for dating a man who won't even say he loves me was to much, and then we spent the next three years trying no contact and then getting back together with each other cause neither of us could stop thinking about the other." like, the harry read is petty, the matty read is cruel. and that's not to say taylor can't be cruel (i actually really hate when swifties argue that taylor COULDN'T have done x because that's MORALLY WRONG), but unless more evidence comes to light, i'm gonna assume petty.

send me your controversial opinions and i'll rate them

[aaronstveit]

20 questions for 20 writers!

tagged by the bestie @afaramir abby thank you so much for giving me an excuse to avoid writing tonight <3

1. How many works do you have on AO3? 45!

2. What’s your total AO3 word count? 492,078 and literally a solid quarter of that is from c&b oh i'm laughing.

3. What fandoms do you write for? right now only for les mis but most of my works are trc and in 2019/2020 i wrote a bit for soc and aftg.....

4. What are your top 5 fics by kudos? oh i'm laughing these aren't even GOOD.... 1. [redacted soc fic] 2. makes me feel a little bit closer to you - pynch clothes sharing fic 3. c&b (my most beloved this is the only valid entry on this list) 4. i ain't gotta tell him (i think he knows) - pynch ithk songfic 5. all the time, all the time (i think of you all the time) - pynch fic where ronan is tutoring adam in art

5. Do you respond to comments? mostly yes! for like a solid 2 years i didn't but now i do again <3

6. What is the fic you wrote with the angstiest ending? ummm i think the only actually angsty ending i have is all too well adansey fic? i'm such a happy ending girlie that's the only one i can think of that doesn't end happily. for obvious reasons.

7. What’s the fic you wrote with the happiest ending? i like to think pretty much everything i write ends happily but c&b proposal fic is what comes to mind since i finally finished it THREE ENTIRE YEARS LATER very recently

8. Do you get hate on fics? no i have been very lucky so far actually!

9. Do you write smut? If so, what kind? no because i am afraid

10. Do you write crossovers? i do not!

11. Have you ever had a fic stolen? not that i know of!

12. Have you ever had a fic translated? nope not yet!

13. Have you ever co-written a fic before? only the theoretical AUs that coco and i like to talk about but never commit to writing <3 although really you could consider coco my cowriter on most of my fics (especially c&b) like so much of them comes from her fr. love you coco <3333

14. What’s your all-time favorite ship? oh i can't pick. that's like asking a mother to pick her favorite child. right now those dead gay french revolutionaries have my heart but tomorrow, who knows?

15. What’s a WIP you want to finish but doubt you ever will? ugh i hate admitting defeat but. but. i am aware that beloved beloved pynch band fic will probably never be finished. which is a SHAME because i have soooooooo much of it planned out i mean like. i've got full albums designed. most of the beats are mapped out. i've got fake tweets written up, i've got chapter titles and scene drafts. like the entire concept is there and i'm so obsessed with it. but i just. after all these years it is extremely unlikely that i am going to actually, you know. write it.

16. What are your writing strengths? beginnings. i am so good at beginnings. that's why i have so many wips. also i like to think i'm good at dialogue. i try to write conversationally even when it's not actually a conversation and i think that translates well to actual dialogue it's fun.

17. What are your writing weaknesses? endings. i can't end anything to save my LIFE. also just plots in general escape me. and i always end up writing 10k more words than i meant to.

18. Thoughts on writing dialogue in another language in fic? um other people who can do it definitely should! i however cannot do that. i did however use my extremely limited knowledge of the french language for the section headings in my most recent fic and i like the effect it produced i think.

19. First fandom you wrote for? all evidence of their existence has been wiped from the face of the earth but my very first fics were one star wars fic and one agents of shield fic circa like. 2015.

20. Favorite fic you’ve written? legally i'm obligated to say c&b but right now actually i'm still very very happy with how exr rooftop fic turned out. literally the entire time i was writing it i was just having a blast. i love writing angst and stuff it's like chewing on a polly pocket toy. now that i'm evil i never wanna write fluff again. i'm torturing those fictional guys fr.

tagging besties @television-bodies @gingerpeachtea and anyone else who wants to do it! ♡

[julyourwitch]

~ 𝕎𝕖𝕝𝕔𝕠𝕞𝕖 𝕥𝕠 𝕞𝕪 𝕨𝕚𝕥𝕔𝕙𝕪 𝕓𝕝𝕠𝕘 ~

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

My name is Agathi but you can call me Julie or Jul (these are my nicknames that I use for a long time, my old nicknames are kinda embarrassing XD)

I'm from Greece 🇬🇷 The most beautiful and unique country!

(Some people had passed me as Bulgarian/Russian/German girl idk why maybe it's because of my skin and my face/characteristics 😆😆)

Anyways! I'm 21 and my major is cooking,although I don't like it much or hate it, just yk kinda boring (?) Well sometimes bad decisions can bring you good opportunities or chances in your future! Soooo, my fave color is black, green and shades of green, gray, brown etc 🤎🖤🤍💚

My big 3 are: ☀️♐ ⬆️♉ 🌙♏

And now the most important and lovely part of me!

.

.

.

When I was 5-6 yo I had a terrible "accident" (not me but the little boy who were with me and I was in front of this "accident ")and after this incident... A lot of things had happened in my whole life till so far.

I used to feel, sense, sometimes with blurred vision shadows, souls, spirits and most of them were powerful for me as a young Julie who didn't know a shit about these thingies 🤪

Soooo after all these things, incidents, situations etc in 2015-2016 I started learning from my mom how to do readings aka past-future-present reading with the playing cards! (My mom also is spiritual and we got this gift from her dad) so I was constantly learning and learning and learning (only what she feels I couldn't even see the numbers or smth). In 2018-2019 had the worst experiences ever, when I say the worst I mean THE WORST. it was the first time that I was so hurt, broken emotionally and betrayed from a friendship back then I thought I loved. Yeah sure some people take a small/part piece from your heart with them and it's totally fine. I had- I was too close to have depression. And no it's not the "omg I'm so sad, I can't this I can't do that" it's more like" bed, always in bed not even thoughts, not even emotions, everything was meaningless for me, my windows always closed not even be able to see if it's day or not,in bed with the same position every day/night.not even go to pee, take a shower nothing. I was like" Nothing matters, it's just another day or night. " not even hungry. For almost a year.

AFTER THIS SHIT THO I HAD MY 1ST SPIRITUAL AWAKENING LIKE IT WAS PRETTY CRAZY AND POWERFUL FOR MY HEART/SOUL.

For real I had HAD the urge to live, to survive, to feel again, I started crying out of nowhere, crying constantly for 4 hours (yeah it's a lot) and from 2020 till now I can say..

I'm so grateful for everything, for my journey that was tough and hard for me, for real when they say"with the pain comes the courage and strength after" hits different. I am grateful and thankful for every moment that has made me struggle, hurt, cry, be angry, resent, be disappointed, withdraw, fear, hesitate, shout, judge, exclude, censor. And yet difficulties and heavy emotions make you more dynamic, powerful, more prepared, more mature and rational/ logical. Because you know you'll meet them(vicious cycle of emotions) again and that's why life is beautiful and special. each of us is fighting for HIS own life alone. That's why we entered this human body to learn a lot, to live a lot, to understand a lot, to understand a lot,to experience a lot, but above all there is no such thing as forgiveness.

(This long text may hurt your eyes guys I'm sorry 😭😭)

I wanted to let you know that this is me, you can always ask me questions if you want to learn more about me and that you matter, you're loved, you're amazing, you're wonderful and pretty soul, so gentle and kind. Your existence for me is a gift and every existence is important and gift for everyone.

I deeply love you, with my whole heart. 🖤✨

[actuallysara]

MY 2024 IN BOOKS 📚, MOVIES 📺 & TV SHOWS 💻

TOT: 📚 60 📺 67 💻 43

JANUARY

💻 Blackbird (2022)

📚 Heartstopper: Volume Five (2023)

📺 Bottoms (2023)

📚 If We Were Villains (2017)

📺 Maestro (2023)

📺 Luca (2021)

📚 Circe (2018)

📺 Firebird (2021)

📚 On A Quiet Street (2022)

📺 The Good Nurse (2021)

📚 The Five People You Meet in Heaven (2003)

📺 The Hunger Games: The Ballad of Songbirds and Snakes (2023)

📚 I Feel Bad About My Neck (2005)

📺 Gifted (2017)

📺 To Catch a Killer (2023)

📚 First Lie Wins (2024)

💻 Skam Italia: Season 6 (2024)

📺 Wonka (2023)

📺 Joy Ride (2023)

💻 Queer Eye: Season 8 (2024)

📺 All Of Us Strangers (2024)

💻 Fleishman Is In Trouble (2022)

📺 Encanto (2021)

FEBRUARY

📚 The Mothers (2020)

📺 Past Lives (2023)

📺 Le Otto Montagne (2022)

📚 The American Roommate Experiment (2022)

📺 I, Tonya (2017)

📺 Midsommar (2019)

📺 Tenet (2020)

📚 The One (2016)

📺 Mean Girls (2024)

📺 The Holdovers (2023)

💻 True Detective: Season 4 (2024)

📺 Like Father (2018)

📚 The Quarry Girls (2022)

📺 Anatomy of A Fall (2023)

📺 Aristotle and Dante Discover the Secrets of the Universe (2022)

📚 Everyone On This Train Is A Suspect (2023)

MARCH

💻 Bad Sisters (2022)

📺 Poor Things (2023)

📚 None of This Is True (2023)

💻 Blood & Water: Season 4 (2024)

📺 Do Revenge (2022)

📚 The Last Time I Lied (2018)

📺 Lady Bird (2017)

📚 Final Girls (2017)

📺 Society of The Snow (2023)

📚 A Gentle Reminder (2021)

💻 Young Royals: Season 3 (2024)

💻 The Night Manager (2016)

APRIL

📚 Adelaide (2023)

📺 Dune: Part One (2021)

📺 Dune: Part Two (2024)

📚 The Good Samaritan (2017)

MAY

📚 What Lies Between Us (2020)

💻 Baby Reindeer (2024)

📚 La strana morte di Sir Lawrence Linwood (2022)

📚 Heracles' Bow (2012)

📺 Challengers (2024)

📚 A History of Wild Places (2021)

📺 The Idea of You (2024)

💻 Dead Boy Detectives (2024)

📺 Good Grief (2023)

💻 Abbott Elementary: Season 3 (2024)

📚 The Quiet Tenant (2023)

📚 Happy Place (2023)

JUNE

📚 The Pact (2021)

📺 American Fiction (2023)

💻 Prisma (2022)

📺 Dream Scenario (2023)

📚 The Teacher (2024)

💻 Bridgerton (2020)

📺 The Fall Guy (2024)

📚 The Passenger (2019)

📺 Fire Island (2021)

📺 My Policeman (2022)

💻 The Bear: Season 3 (2024)

JULY

💻 Crashing (2016)

📚 How To Solve Your Own Murder (2024)

📺 Everything Everywhere All At Once (2022)

📺 Marriage Story (2019)

📺 Black Swan (2010)

📺 Foe (2023)

📺 Argylle (2024)

📺 I Am: Celine Dion (2024)

💻 After Life (2019)

📺 The Adam Project (2022)

📺 A Star Is Born (2018)

📚 The Reading List (2021)

📺 Guardians of The Galaxy Vol. 3 (2023)

📺 I Am Legend (2007)

📚 Funny Story (2024)

📚 Listen For The Lie (2024)

AUGUST

📺 Deadpool & Wolverine (2024)

💻 Eric (2024)

📚 Tear Me Apart (2018)

💻 The Umbrella Academy: Season 4 (2024)

💻 Elite: Season 8 (2024)

💻 Interview With The Vampire (2022) 

📚 Ask for Andrea (2022)

📚 Il Castello Dei Destini Incrociati (1973)

💻 Mary & George (2024)

📺 Matt Rife: Lucid (2024)

📺 Kevin Hart: Zero F**ks Given (2020)

📺 Damsel (2024)

📺 Nobody (2021) 

💻 Queen Charlotte (2023)

SEPTEMBER

📚 The Pairing (2024)

💻 Dear Child (2023)

📚 The Only One Left (2023)

📺 Twisters (2024)

📺 Am I Ok? (2024)

💻 Our Flag Means Death (2022)

📚 Hemlock (2023)

📺 A Quiet Place: Day One (2024)

📚 The Guest (2024)

💻 The Queen's Gambit (2020)

💻 Big Mood (2024)

💻 Anthracite (2024)

📚 Keep It In The Family (2022)

💻 Nobody Wants This (2024)

📚 The Family Experiment (2024)

💻 Presumed Innocent (2024)

💻 Monster: Season 2 (2024)

OCTOBER

📚 Once There Were Wolves (2021)

💻 Heartstopper: Season 3 (2024)

📚 Look Closer (2022)

💻 Red Eye (2024)

📚 The God of The Woods (2024)

📚 Daughter of Mine (2024)

📚 The Only Survivors (2023)

📺 His Three Daughters (2024)

📚 The Push (2021)

💻 Sweetpea (2024)

📚 Never Lie (2022)

📚 Seeds Planted in Concrete (2015)

📚 The Butterfly Garden (2016)

📚 No Exit (2017)

📺 The Substance (2024)

📺 It's What's Inside (2024)

📺 King Richard (2021)

📺 Venom (2018)

📺 Woman Of The Hour (2024)

💻 Only Murders In The Building: Season 4

💻 Agatha All Along (2024)

NOVEMBER

📚 All The Colors Of The Dark (2024)

📺 Nightcrawler (2014)

💻 Dispatches From Elsewhere (2020)

📚 Hidden Pictures (2022)

💻 Outer Banks: Season 4 (2024)

📚 Jar of Hearts (2018)

📺 Speak No Evil (2024)

📚 Paperweight (2015)

💻 Hanno Ucciso L'uomo Ragno (2024)

📚 The Last Party (2024)

📚 The Drowning Woman (2023)

📚 House of Hollow (2021)

📺 We Live In Time (2024)

📺 Caddo Lake (2024)

DECEMBER

📚 Beneath Cruel Waters (2022)

📚 The Wedding People (2024)

💻 Queer Eye: Season 9 (2024)

📚 Goodnight Beautiful (2020)

📺 Carry-On (2024)

📺 Red One (2024)

📺 Last Christmas (2019)

💻 Bad Sisters: Season 2 (2024)

💻 Squid Game: Season 2 (2024)

💻 Shrinking (2023)

DNF

💻 Westworld (2016)

[forabeatofadrum]

Hello and happy El WooWoo to you all. Thank you @aroace-genderfluid-sheep​ for the tag back and @you-remind-me-of-the-babe​‘s tag just arrived in my activity box!

Surprise, it is Thesis Wednesday after all! I know I said last Sunday that it’s going to be thesis free here, but to my dismay I found another Darling That I Might Have To Kill:

As indicated earlier, the term "queer women" is used instead of "lesbians". This is because there are more sexual identities than homosexuality. Yet homosexuality is the most common depicted in media (Bond, 2015; Sender, 2011). Bisexuals and pansexuals are depicted less because they threaten binary ideas about identity. This is why bisexuality is often portrayed as “one or the other” (Allen, 2022). Bisexual women are still portrayed as prone to cheating (Diamond, 2005). Asexuals are almost completely invisible, or they are not taken seriously by the media (Chen, 2020). Most of the characters are cisgender (Nölke, 2018) and trans women who appear in the media are often victims of (sexual) violence (Abbott, 2022) or they’re seen as a threat to cis women (Gill-Peterson, 2023). There has been improvement in recent years, with TV series such as Pose, starring trans women of color (Joyrich, 2022), but several articles indicate that there is still much room for improvement and argue for intersectionality (Annati & Ramsey, 2022 ; DeCeuninck & Dhoest, 2016; Rodriguez, 2019; Yue, 2014).

Basically, like other Kill Your Darlings, thesis edition, I don’t have to fully get rid of it. I just need to shorten it. This has proven to be quite difficult, since I think all information is relevant. Same can be said here with this snippet. But I guess I will have to cut out all from “Bisexuals and pansexuals...” to “... media (Chen, 2020)”, so that the core still stands: other sexualities are underrepresented.

The conflicting thing is that on one hand my advisor tells me to trim most of my theoretical background down (I mean, it is indeed too long), but on the other hand I need to show what the literature says about the core statements that I am presenting. This conflict is bigger with previous snippets that I have shared, but ugh, that is the pain of being limited to a thesis format. Might fuck around and obtain a PhD after all, only so that I have more room to include stuff. (That is a joke, I am not sure if I want to do a PhD.)

Anyway, I have also started the interviews. I had two today. Two more tomorrow. Two more on Friday... and so on. I need to transcribe a lot but the good news is that I genuinely love it. I absolutely enjoy hearing other people’s opinions on it. The two interviews of today also felt, well, inspiring almost. It was so nice. Aaaah.

The Dutch version, + a fun gif + the weather under the cut.

And now, te weather: @quizasvivamos​ @blurglesmurfklaine​ @coffeegleek​ @esperantoauthor @otherworldsivelivedin @caramelcoffeeaddict​ @sillyunicorn @bazzybelle @dragoneggos @raenestee @tectonicduck @nightimedreamersworld @urban-sith @thnxforknowingme​ @captain-aralias​@takitalks @justgleekout​ @cerriddwenluna​ @tea-brigade @ivelovedhimthroughworse @moodandmist @whogaveyoupermission @bookish-bogwitch @confused-bi-queer​ @ionlydrinkhotwater @1908jmd​ @special-bc-ur-part-of-it​ @larkral @chen-chen-chen-again-chen​ @cutestkilla​​ @nausikaaa​/@wellbelesbian​ @artsyunderstudy​​ @martsonmars​​ @facewithoutheart​​ @shrekgogurt @boyinjeans​

[the-rewatch-rewind]

Time for another new episode!

Script below the break.

Hello and welcome back to The Rewatch Rewind! My name is Jane, and this is the podcast where I count down my top 40 most frequently rewatched movies in a 20-year period. Today I will be discussing number 11 on my list: MGM’s 1959 spy thriller North by Northwest, directed by Alfred Hitchcock, written by Ernest Lehman, and starring Cary Grant, Eva Marie Saint, and James Mason.

New York advertising man Roger Thornhill (Cary Grant) is mistaken for government agent George Kaplan by men working for foreign spy Phillip Vandamm (James Mason). Their initial attempt to rub him out is unsuccessful, but nobody believes Roger’s story, and he is forced to go on the run when Vandamm’s men make it look like he committed murder. Roger sneaks onto the 20th Century Limited train to Chicago, where he runs into a beautiful young lady named Eve Kendall (Eva Marie Saint) who helps him hide from the police. But when instructions that Eve claims she received from the elusive George Kaplan nearly get him killed, Roger begins to suspect that she is also working for Vandamm. And if you haven’t seen this movie, I would recommend watching it before listening because it has an absolute roller coaster of a plot and I will be spoiling most of the twists.

As I mentioned in the Notorious episode, North by Northwest was the first Hitchcock movie I ever saw. I was kind of hesitant to watch it because I had heard that Hitchcock made scary movies, and I’ve never been into horror. But my mom assured me that this one was more of a mystery adventure and wasn’t actually that scary, so I gave it a try and was immediately hooked. I watched it three times in 2004, once in 2005, once in 2009, four times in 2010, three times in 2011, once in 2012, 2013, and 2014, twice in 2015, twice in 2017, once in 2019, twice in 2020, once in 2021, and twice in 2022. This, like His Girl Friday, was one of the films I wrote a paper about in my Film as Literature class, so that explains why I watched it so often in 2010. I used to always include it in my Cary Grant birthday marathon, but in more recent years I’ve tended to save it for Eva Marie Saint’s birthday, which happens to be the 4th of July – an appropriate day to watch a movie featuring American landmarks. Some years I watch it on both their birthdays. And when I don’t, I often watch it on Alfred Hitchcock’s birthday, because even now that I’ve seen over 40 of his films, the first one I watched is still my favorite. There is a part of me that wants to have a more obscure favorite – North by Northwest is, after all, one of his most famous films, and therefore a very basic choice. Even people who have never seen it tend to be at least vaguely familiar with the crop-dusting scene and the chase across Mount Rushmore. It seems like a movie that somebody who hasn’t seen many Hitchcock films would claim as their favorite Hitchcock film. But I’ve watched it 25 times and still can’t get over how good it is, so, basic or not, I love this movie, and I’m pretty sure it will always be one of my favorite movies in general, not just among this particular director’s work.

And I mean, obviously, a big part of that is because of Cary Grant. If I had to pick one movie that most perfectly displays everything I love about Cary Grant, I’d have to go with North by Northwest. In this movie, he’s simultaneously a comedian, a romantic lead, an action hero, and a confused victim of circumstance. His character is upset by all the awful things that happen to him but remains relatively unfazed and undaunted. He’s suave and sophisticated but also goofy and relatable. I love every moment of his performance. As always, he’s at his best when he’s being funny, so one of my favorite parts is when Roger is trying to escape from an art auction when Vandamm and his cronies have sealed off the exits, so he starts calling out ridiculous numbers, hoping someone will call the police to have him removed from the premises. Grant does such a great job of being disruptive in the most charming but silly way possible, relieving some of the tension without completely derailing the suspenseful tone of the story, and it’s so perfect. But he also plays the darker moments very well. In a lot of my other favorite Cary Grant movies, you can’t ever really take anything his character says at face value because he’s always joking or at least being a little sarcastic. In this movie, while Roger takes most things in his stride and doesn’t let them throw him too much, there are moments when he’s truly hurt or stunned, and he plays them very believably. It’s kind of jarring, in a good way, to see a man who is mostly poised despite all the chaos around him, actually get thrown off balance occasionally. Roger Thornhill generally doesn’t take himself or the world too seriously, but his tolerance for bullshit does have limits, and it’s interesting to see how he acts when he’s beyond tired of going with the flow. A lot of Hitchcock’s films start to feel kind of tedious after two or three watches because once you know where it’s leading, the building of suspense loses some of its intensity and can feel kind of draggy. But, aside from the fact that you kind of need to watch this one a few times to fully understand its convoluted plot, I could watch Cary Grant playing Roger Thornhill for ages without getting tired of it, which is one of the reasons I keep revisiting this one.

But I can’t give Grant all the credit. Every performance in this movie is excellent. James Mason is a delectably menacing Phillip Vandamm, and Jessie Royce Landis brings some welcome levity toward the beginning as Roger’s mother. And, of course, there’s Eva Marie Saint, who, as I alluded to at the end of last episode, is, at the time of recording, as far as I know, still alive at 99, making her the oldest living Oscar winner. She didn’t win an Oscar for North by Northwest – she won for her film debut in On the Waterfront five years earlier – but boy does she give a fascinating performance in this movie. She doesn’t even show up until about 45 minutes in, and at first her character just seems like a sexy love interest for Roger, who has had a very rough 45 minutes’ worth of story and could use a break. But then it’s revealed that oh no, she’s working for Vandamm! And then it’s like, but is she really? Wait, she’s actually spying on Vandamm! But then she shoots Roger? Oh, just kidding, they were blanks, she’s still a good guy, never mind. And now she’s in danger! The audience’s perception of Eve changes so many times that it must have been very difficult to keep track of how she needed to come across in each scene, but Saint absolutely nails it. She’s perfectly mysterious and even sinister when she needs to be, but easily transitions to open and vulnerable and likable when the audience is supposed to be rooting for her. It’s an extremely complicated role and it absolutely could not have been played better. And the way she and Grant interact throughout these transitions is brilliant. Roger’s perceptions of Eve follow a similar path to the audience’s, but not quite at the same time. For instance, while Roger and Eve are together in her train compartment, we see a porter deliver a note to Vandamm from her that says, “What should I do with him in the morning?” Which, on the one hand, is kind of weird, because like, how are they supposed to get a response back to her without Roger seeing it? But the purpose of that is obviously to show the audience that – gasp – Eve is not just some random woman Roger happened to run into; she’s involved in this somehow! But Roger doesn’t begin to suspect her until after he’s been crop-dusted and the hotel clerk tells him that George Kaplan checked out before he supposedly gave Eve instructions on where to meet him. So there’s a whole section when the audience knows something Roger doesn’t. But then later the opposite happens, when Eve shoots Roger during the confrontation in the Mount Rushmore cafeteria – both Roger and Eve know it’s fake, but the audience doesn’t until later.

The way the movie so deliberately and gradually reveals information to the audience is fascinating even when you’ve seen it a bunch of times and already know what’s coming. And while this required the brilliant performances of Cary Grant and Eva Marie Saint to be effective, I have to give major props to screenwriter Ernest Lehman for crafting such a well-told narrative. (He also wrote the screenplay for The Sound of Music, which I mention just to give an idea of the wide range of his talent.) This story is ridiculously complex, and while not all of the details quite hold up under scrutiny, overall the important storylines track remarkably well upon rewatch. I can’t claim this movie is perfect because it does feature one of my all-time favorite movie mistakes, although I didn’t notice it until Eva Marie Saint herself pointed it out in a DVD special feature, but now I can’t watch this movie without noticing it. In the scene with the fake shooting, right as she pulls out the gun, there’s a boy in the background who plugs his ears, even though nobody is supposed to know that she’s going to actually fire it. It seems very odd that someone with as much attention to detail as Hitchcock would have allowed that to end up in the final cut, but it makes me smile every time. And there are definitely several aspects of the story that don’t really make a lot of sense if you think about them too hard. But again, the story is so complex and is told so well overall that poking holes in it just feels pedantic. If anything, its flaws make me love it all the more.

While this movie is decidedly neither aromantic nor asexual, it does portray romance and sex in a somewhat unusual way. The character of Eve Kendall is rather similar to Alicia Huberman in Notorious, in that they both use sex for spy purposes – the main difference being that we never have any doubts about which side Alicia is on. As I’ve mentioned in previous episodes, characters faking sexual attraction to use sex for personal or political gain makes more sense to me as an asexual person than characters expressing genuine feelings of sexual attraction, which might explain why, in general, the movies that have made it into my top 40 that include sexual content tend to feature ulterior motives behind the sex. Eve does develop real feelings for Roger, but in order to keep Vandamm from suspecting her, she has to pretend she only slept with Roger under Vandamm’s orders, which adds an intriguing layer to the whole situation. Another interesting thing about North by Northwest, especially when compared with Notorious, is that while production codes were still in effect in 1959, they were clearly starting to relax. Notorious was as explicit as it was allowed to be, but all the sexual activity is cloaked in innuendo, however thin. No modern audience would consider North by Northwest a sexually explicit movie, but at least the characters could say that they had sex. In Notorious, when Alex finds out that Alicia is a spy, he berates himself for “believing in her with her clinging kisses” but nothing more risqué than that, whereas in North by Northwest, Roger vents about Eve “using sex like some people use a flyswatter.” As an Old Hollywood fan, I find it endlessly fascinating to see what content was allowed when, and as James and I discussed in the Notorious episode, Hitchcock loved to push the envelope. So while there’s no nudity or anything like that in this movie, there is definitely clear sexual content. And while I wouldn’t go so far as to claim that any of the characters is asexual, there is at least one who is very strongly implied to be gay. Leonard, played by Martin Landau, is Vandamm’s right hand man who seems to have a thing for Vandamm. He’s accused of being jealous that Vandamm likes Eve, and he refers to his own “woman’s intuition.” The rules may have been relaxing around discussions of heterosexual activities, but references to homosexuality still weren’t allowed to be more overt than that. Still, I think we can safely claim Leonard as LGBT+ representation. Landau himself was very open about intentionally playing him as gay, which both Hitchcock and Lehman supported.

Hitchcock also pushed the envelope with this movie in ways unrelated to sexual content. For example, he was refused permission to film the outside of the United Nations building, but he went ahead and did it anyway, from a camera hidden in a truck across the street. Similarly, the government didn’t want to allow the climactic chase across Mount Rushmore, as they felt it was disrespectful. This was finally allowed under the conditions that they didn’t film on the real monument, and that the characters never climbed across the presidents’ faces. They were allowed to film the shooting-with-blanks scene in the Memorial View Building in the park, but the monument they climb down during the climax was a model on a soundstage – which was probably much safer than filming on the actual mountain anyway. Although Eva Marie Saint did slip and bang her elbow, which made it into the movie. Personally, I think the best part of that chase scene is the music, written by Bernard Herrmann, who also wrote the scores for six other Hitchcock movies, including the iconic screeching Psycho theme. The North by Northwest theme is somewhat less well known, but it’s very intense and adventurous, and it greatly enhances the climax. Definitely the perfect “escaping from desperate enemy spies who are trying to kill you” song, and that scene in particular would be significantly less effective without it.

Not to constantly be harping on about people’s ages, but I must point out that Jessie Royce Landis, who plays Cary Grant’s mother in this movie, was only seven years older than him, while Eva Marie Saint, who plays his love interest, was 20 years younger than him. Much as I love this cast and wouldn’t want to see any of them replaced, it’s still rather upsetting to me that a 55-year-old man can still play the lead, while a 62-year-old woman is relegated to the minor “mother” role. She does get one of the best lines in the movie (“You gentlemen aren’t REALLY trying to kill my son, are you?”), but she doesn’t have nearly enough screentime. More good roles for older actresses, please! Also, Eve Kendall says she’s 26 when Eva Marie Saint was really 35, and I don’t understand why they felt the need to pretend she was so much younger. Couldn’t they have just let her character be in her 30s? That would have made her relationships with men in their 50s at least a little less creepy. But maybe the creepiness was the point. Or maybe Grant and Mason were meant to be playing younger characters too. Anyway, the ages may be all wrong, but the performances are all perfect, and that’s what really matters.

Ultimately, I think the main reason this is my most frequently rewatched Hitchcock movie boils down to the fact that even when the suspense is no longer effectively suspenseful, it’s still a very fun movie to watch. Intense things happen, but overall the tone isn’t nearly as dark as most of his other films. And so much is going on that there are always more details to be noticed. And again, if nothing else, Cary Grant is there being Cary Grant.

Speaking of which, you may recall that way back when Grant made his first appearance on this podcast, in #33, Holiday, I mentioned that he was going to appear in 10 movies on this list. Since then, I’ve talked about him in Monkey Business, Father Goose, Mr. Blandings Builds His Dream House, Bringing Up Baby, Notorious, His Girl Friday, and The Bachelor and the Bobby-Soxer, which means North by Northwest is his ninth movie on here. Somehow he only made it into one of the top 10, and it is number one, so I won’t be talking about him again for a while. Funnily enough, each of the four actors who appear in at least four of my top 40 most rewatched films – Grant, Katharine Hepburn, Ginger Rogers, and Julie Andrews – is in exactly one of my top 10. So stay tuned for my favorite movie that each of them made. I cannot believe I’m three-quarters of the way through this list already. Thank you so much to those of you who have listened to every episode since the beginning of this project, and to those of you who have only listened to this episode, and to those of you who have listened to a few episodes here and there. I am so grateful that anyone is interested in what I have to say about these movies that I love. I hope you will enjoy the final quarter, which will begin with a movie that is quite different from anything I’ve talked about thus far, although it does involve travelling across the United States so it’s a little like North by Northwest, except not. Anyway, as always, I will leave you with a quote from that next movie: “Thoughts raced through his mind. Did she really want him? What had he done to deserve this bounty? Does God exist? Who invented liquid soap and why?”

[valkyriesexual]

i got tagged in that thing about ‘post 8 shows to get to know me better’ which like... i feel like none of this makes any sense and i am dating myself here. but nevertheless.

1. buffy the vampire slayer (1997 - 2003). listen. it’s iconic. i have complicated feelings about it now, given everything we know about what the actresses went through on set with joss whedon, but at the time, it was formative. faith in the leather pants eating twizzlers in that apartment that the mayor put her up in is one of my earliest “oh i’m kinda gay” moments. belonging pt 2 still makes me cry. willow and tara. i’ll never be over it.

2. queer as folk (1999 - 2005) obviously, in the late 90s / early 2000s i was searching for queer rep anywhere i could find it.  we had just gotten direct tv, i think so my dad could watch the sopranos. little did he know, i was watching 30 year old brian fucking 18 year old justin taylor on the lowest tv volume possible after sneaking into the living room at 2 in the morning after everyone else had gone to bed. is it good representation? is it fucked up that the relationship that anchored the show was between a grown man and a teenager? i wasn’t thinking about it like that when i watched it.  i was just absolutely in awe. 

3. the l word (2004 - 2009) listen. if you watched the l word and wanted to bang shane, you were probably straight.  if you watched the l word and wanted to get railed by jennifer beals, you were just a mortal. if you watched the l word and wanted to be jenny schecter before she got that little dog... you were me. i may have been the only one in the world? i don’t know what that says about me.

4. charmed (og) (1998 - 2006) i watched charmed reruns literally every single day after school.  i adored charmed.  beautiful powerful women living in san francisco with the most bonkers late-90s / early 2000s fashion fighting demons? i was all in.  i remember my dad telling me that he thought holly marie combs was “plain looking” and i’m still offended.  Its been 25 years.

5. south of nowhere (2005 - 2008) i feel like i was the only person in the world who watched this show. it was on nickelodeon (???). it had 3 seasons. gabrielle christian moves from ohio to los angeles and falls in love with mandy musgrave. it disappeared and tbqh i can barely believe it aired when and where it did.

6. crazy ex girlfriend (2015 - 2019) a show about older ppl for an older me. i obviously relate a lot to a california attorney with a complicated relationship with her body and mental health struggles.  so. i stopped watching before the last season so i could continue to live in my fantasy world where rebecca was with nathaniel.  i know i’m in the minority, but i thought they were perfect together. the chemistry was off the charts. he matched her intellect. i loved it.

7. orange is the new black (2013 - 2020). i mean, it basically started off the rise of netflix’s original content, right? i mean, now, looking at how netflix treats their original content creators, it’s bad. but still.  and i think about danielle brooks saying "so I'm sitting there, bbq sauce on my tiddies" all the time. and i’ll never be over what they did to poussey. and how they handled it the next season by painting the killer corrections official as sympathetic. i didn’t watch anything after that season.

8. skins uk (2007-2013). this is another one that i have complicated feelings about, given what the now-adult actors have said about their experience filming the show as teens. the star power this show brought us though. dev patel. daniel kaluuya. jack o’connell. kaya scodelario. it was really something. i remember downloading it and watching it on my first laptop sitting on my fire escape and smoking as a college student and thinking that i was just so deep and grown up. how embarassing lmfao fml

[kylesvariouslistsandstuff]

Sequel Scuttlebutt

Say it ain't so! ELEMENTAL 2 is apparently in the works! TOY STORY 5 is supposed to have Andy show up with his "new family"! Something... Something...

Yeah, um... I looked at the "sources", it's either some podcast with a lot of "I've heard" or a fansite with a very spotty track record. And there's been *plenty* of talk over the latter news, given how divisive TOY STORY 4 was.

How's about we wait for official word from the filmmakers, Disney, and/or Pixar themselves on what's happening? 'Kay? We're still less than a year away from the movie ELIO, and an INSIDE OUT sequel is right after that... Like... C'mon, this is not only quite early for a movie that currently does not have a release date, but also... It's not from the filmmakers themselves.

I'd imagine TOY STORY 5 should be out in about a few years from now. When Disney bought Pixar in 2006, and Pixar finally began production on their TOY STORY 3 - and not some Pixar-less concoction that had been in development prior to that, they announced it right off the bat. And the movie, at first, was set for 2009. It ended up being released in 2010, four years after the initial announcement.

TOY STORY 4 was officially unveiled during a Disney earnings call in fall 2014, with a summer 2017 release date. Overtime, it went back a year, and then another year... So that's about 4 1/2 years out from release.

TOY STORY 5's existence was revealed to us mere months ago. It may come out in 2026, or 2027, maybe even a little later. It's probably deep in development as I type. Again... I'll just wait for its director/writer/whathaveyou, or a studio press release or some announcement from a reputable trade.

ELEMENTAL 2... Yeah, I mean, it *could* happen? Originally, that movie's ending was to have a time-skip, and it ended up getting axed. It's been hinted that the sequel could lengthen what was to be a minute or so long, or something else. The movie is currently up to $478m at the worldwide box office, over 2.3x its $200m budget. $500m would be the classic 2 1/2x breakeven point, but both Disney and Pixar heads seem quite happy with how the movie did regardless of overall total. They're wisely thinking of its legs and good scores. It's a real pick-me-up from how LIGHTYEAR did last year, and in terms of animation all-around, Disney Animation's STRANGE WORLD's disastrous run.

So, yeah, it could get a sequel... But I'll wait till word from the source.

It'd be rather quick, too. Pixar sequels tend to be announced a little while after the first/previous movie debuts. With the exception of TOY STORY 2, and first sequels to movies made before the merger, they tend to wait that out.

CARS came out in June 2006, the sequel was announced in April 2008.

CARS 3 was officially announced in March 2014, nearly three years after CARS 2 came out. Michael Wallis, the voice of the Sheriff in those movies, did let that slip a little while beforehand whether he was supposed to or not. That was in, approx., August 2013.

Again, TOY STORY 4 was announced in October 2014. This was four years after the release of TOY STORY 3.

INSIDE OUT came out in June 2015, the sequel was announced this past September, some seven years after the first one came out.

I'll throw in LIGHTYEAR as well, given that it's TOY STORY-adjacent. TOY STORY 4 came out in June 2019, LIGHTYEAR was announced in December 2020. Over a year and a half later.

So if an ELEMENTAL 2 (ELEMENTWO?) is indeed in the cards, I'd imagine they wouldn't announce it this fast. Maybe in a few years from now.

It'd be interesting to see that movie be the first of the Docter-era movies to get a sequel, after all, it is their first somewhat-financial success in a long while - in the old-school pre-COVID sense.

The movie was greenlit before Pete Docter became Pixar's CCO, but it went full steam ahead after the previous leader's ousting.

It's hard to gauge with the other titles. ONWARD didn't fare too well even before it was cut off by the pandemic, SOUL isn't really a sequelizable movie, LUCA maybe? TURNING RED, maybe? They're very self-contained stories, like most Pixars are. That's not to say they absolutely *can't* have sequels, but it's okay if they don't get them, either. Had LIGHTYEAR not flopped, we would've gotten at least another one of those, given the TOY STORY association. (I also wanted to see a second one, myself.)

I think it's kind of telling that their next sequels are to older movies/legacy favorites. INSIDE OUT turns nine years old when the sequel comes out, that's just wild... I mean, outside of the newer movies and the pre-2010 favorites, there's not much else to do. BRAVE seemed like a decent candidate for a part two, but after everything that went down with that movie? It didn't seem like it had much of a future beyond its solid run in 2012, despite Merida's induction into the "Disney Princess" line. GOOD DINOSAUR lost money, and COCO really doesn't need a sequel.

So they've only got two pools to pull from: Either most of the pre-2010s movies (there's no way A BUG'S LIFE 2 happens), or the post-Lasseter movies.

Also, a Pixar filmmaker retweeted this, which is mocking the rumors...

So, yeah, it seems like a big bowl of bunk to me.

[migratingisaright]

SNOTY

-¿Quién eres? ¿Desde dónde y hacia dónde migraste?

Hola soy Snoty vengo de Lima - Perú, tengo 28 años y con ganas de seguir migrando y pintando. La primera vez que salí de Perú fue para Santiago de Chile en el 2009 solo por un año luego regresé en el 2015 hasta el 2019 donde se volvió mi segunda casa la cual quiero mucho, conocí los amigos más bacanes que he podido tener, lo cual me acostumbre a vivir en Santiago. Luego en el 2020 migré para Alemania a la ciudad de Colonia, solo estuve un año y tuve que migrar para España por cuestión de permiso de trabajo y otros trámites migratorios, llegué a España donde actualmente ya llevo casi 3 años viviendo en Madrid, una ciudad muy bacán, es como si siempre hubiera estado aquí, me siento bien.

-Who are you? From where and where did you migrate?

Hello, I'm Snoty, I come from Lima - Peru, I'm 28 years old and I want to continue migrating and painting. The first time I left Peru was for Santiago de Chile in 2009 for only one year, then I returned in 2015 until 2019 where it became my second home which I love very much, I met the coolest friends I have ever had, which I got used to living in Santiago. Then in 2020 I migrated to Germany to the city of Cologne, I only stayed for a year and I had to migrate to Spain due to a work permit and other immigration procedures, I arrived in Spain where I have currently been living in Madrid for almost 3 years, a city very cool, it's like I've always been here, I feel good.

-¿Qué es la migración para ti?

En una parte ha sido triste tener que dejar mi país para poder estar mejor económicamente y tener mejor calidad de vida, no es justo que tengamos que salir para encontrar eso, lamentablemente tenemos que buscar otras alternativas pero al salir de mi zona de confort me he vuelto más valiente y me he atrevido ha hacer cosas que no imaginé, por eso migrar significa ser constante en lo que uno quiere lograr y atreverse a conocer lugares, también siempre es bueno informarse bien donde ir.

-What is migration for you?

On one hand it has been sad to have to leave my country to be better off financially and have a better quality of life, it is not fair that we have to go out to find that, unfortunately we have to look for other alternatives but by leaving my comfort zone I have become braver and I have dared to do things that I did not imagine, that is why migrating means being constant in what one wants to achieve and daring to know places, it is also always good to be well informed about where to go.

-Relata la experiencia más difícil en tu vida migrante.

Fue al llegar a España y no tener trabajo tener que ir a fundaciones a pedir ayuda de alimentos fue uno de los momentos más difíciles ya que no tengo familia ni amistades como para pedir ayuda, luego todo mejoró.

-Relate the most difficult experience in your migrant life.

When I arrived in Spain and didn't have a job, I had to go to foundations to ask for food help. It was one of the most difficult moments since I don't have family or friends to ask for help. Then everything got better.

Relata la experiencia más hermosa en tu vida migrante.

Para mi fue conocer al quién es mi jefe actual, quien me dio la mano sin conocerme y confío en mi. Entré a trabajar en una obra como ayudante lo cual tenía que hacer trabajos pesados y demoliciones, luego de meses me dijo que aprenda a poner cerámicas, azulejos, ya que él no quería que yo continuara así y me enseñó todo lo que sé ahora. Siempre se lo agradezco porque hasta el día de hoy sigo con él trabajando, he aprendido mucho y gracias a mi esfuerzo estoy mejor.

-Tell about the most beautiful experience in your migrant life.

For me it was meeting my current boss, who shook my hand without knowing me and trusted me. I started working on a construction site as an assistant which had to do heavy work and demolitions. After months he told me to learn how to put ceramics and tiles, since he didn't want me to continue like this and he taught me everything I know now. I always appreciate it because to this day I continue working with him, I have learned a lot and thanks to my efforts I am better.

-¿Qué extrañas de tu lugar de origen?

Lo que extraño es comer bien rico en Lima ya que estar lejos no es lo mismo, ya llevo tiempo que no he regresado y espero que pueda algún momento.

-What do you miss about your place of origin?

I miss eating delicious food in Lima since being away is not the same, it's been a while since I've been back and I hope I can at some point.

- ¿Qué mensaje le dejarías a la gente que piensa en migrar o está en ello, y que hoy lee tus palabras?

No hay que tener miedo de salir y experimentar, que a veces toca vivir experiencias duras pero hay que tener fortaleza y ganas de salir adelante.

- What message would you leave for people who are thinking about migrating or are doing so, and who read your words today?

You don't have to be afraid to go out and experiment, sometimes you have to live through hard experiences but you have to have strength and the desire to move forward.

[hiriajuu-suffering]

If you were born as the opposite sex, what sort of person do you think you would be?

Entitled. I'd be a more entitled person.

Let's start from childhood. I get more pressured to being like my sister by her given we're the same gender, while I have less weight of expectations of my family because patriarchy. My paternal grandfather loses his favorite grandchild (he was a horrible girl dad if I'm being honest), and instead of being no ones favorite at 7 when he passed away, I'm never anyone's favorite. Assuming I have similar interests, meaning I find my way into being a weeb fairly early, I'd hedge my bets my sister would mentally torment me as much, if not more. From 2005-2020, my relationship with my sister best resembles Azula & Zuko's relationship from Avatar: the Last Airbender so I'm not sure much changes being a girl. My mother probably treats me more as an individual since I know she looks at being a girl mom so much more highly than being boy mom, but that likely results in life actions being of more behavioral conformity. I was a disappointment to my father in adulthood anyways, so not sure how it would've changed his outlook on life having two daughters: I would think the patriarchal norms ingrained in him would've left him with some despair.

Adolescence, I'm less pressured to do anything athletic overall so going on the same track of band to debate would've made me feel I was too good for most boys. A nerdy version of a Haruhi Suzumiya complex, most likely, given my dating patterns as a guy already resembled that. Part of me wants to say I'd start off in the right high school, but part of me still doesn't think my parents would truly listen regardless of gender. Surprisingly, I think I get the same debate experience regardless of gender but I just do better in school while it's happening. I have far less relationship trauma because I'm not riddled with the uniquely problematic experiences I got then, but maybe they'd be substituted with equally damning ones, who knows.

The first real difference is it's absolutely easier to sell your image as an cis-AFAB than a cis-AMAB to the music industry in 2010. I think it's far more likely I get the record deal given the internship opportunity in the first place. There would've been a path set forward me, had I just been a girl, for me to be a singer-songwriter and be given a real opportunity to make it happen. I don't get that as a non-Christianized, primarily English-performing man, point blank. Flashpoint 1.

Let's say my entire academic trajectory stays similar, getting me out of school after Fall 2015 w/ a gap year and transfer. I probably go straight into teaching instead of being pressured by my father's expectations to come out of his industry overall. I lose the void that me made continue with card games, and retire my entire tcg career on what I did in ygo, not seeing a reason to continue until likely much later in life if at all. Flashpoint 2.

I've seem to have already fallen into a relationship I can settle for as a man at this point in life, so let's say the same occurs as a woman. From a patriarchal position, I'm more likely to be able to force the issue and be engaged in 2017 (25). Already having been where I thrive stably from an economic perspective, there's hardly any scenario I don't see myself married at 26: I don't think I consider polyamory yet without the uniquely cishet male trauma I carry, I want to believe I'd convince my husband of it but, if I'm being realistic with myself, not being forced to be that conscientious with myself means I won't be. I'm married 5 years ago, Flashpoint 3.

Given the entire transitory period in my twenties, the three years of 2016-2018, is far more stable, I lose out on my retail experience so some less fortunate outcomes actually do come to pass with how 2020 hit us all. First child is probably had in mid-2019, to which I don't return to my position teaching to be a homemaker. Pandemic hits, hopefully husband doesn't get laid off, probably have a second child sometime between late-2021 to early-2023. With enough parenting experience, probably start relying on my and spouse's parents to shoulder some responsibility, meaning probably reentering the workforce for the 2023-2024 school year because inflationary pressures and whatnot. I'm at a similar spot, not working on graduate school or being remotely involved in the anime community at the present time, with two kids to show for it in exchange - possibly thinking about having a third before 2028. Life would be way different in that I'd be picturesquely normal on the surface, even if I wasn't in practice.

The derivative question being asked is how would current me look at alternate, gender-swapped version of me. She'd be sheltered, lucky, privileged, and without reason to live conscientiously or even ethically. Life would be easier, I would probably be happier, but I'd be doing less with life beyond normalcy, not reaching outside of my social barriers and not embodying the sort of transcending of social barriers my patriarchal trauma as a male makes me believe in. I push boundaries because I'm forced to think about what's right-and-wrong in my male experience; as a woman, I simply have to agree what progressivism looks like for gender relationships because I never have to work outside normative boundaries to find a place to be complacent in. Some of the most central parts of my identity don't get totally lost when gender is swapped, it just gets obscured: like my moral character is behind lock-and-key instead of choices I'd know I'd make.

While this a valuable thought experiment to have, it's not fun to think about because every area of myself I'd know I'd be less-than makes me feel like a misogynist for thinking that way. To my masculine self, being happy and more secure is a vapidly vain set of net-benefits, one that shows moral folly. Meanwhile, my feminine self would look at my current self with such disdain on why I choose to be miserable, specifically because I'd be so much more like my family in thinking intrapersonal drives come before ethical conscientiousness. I don't have to wonder since my schizotypy does have a feminine-layered identity I can look to.

Not sure I could even recognize AFAB me as who I am, since it would be so removed from my self-image.

[ropeadope]

New Music | Shayna Steele

When she began the journey to what would become her newest release, Gold Dust, Shayna Steele was done making albums. Steele, perhaps one of the most sought after backup and demo vocalists in popular music (Jennifer Hudson, Kelly Clarkson, Rihanna, Bette Midler have all enlisted her) was coming off the heels of her 2019 album Watch Me Fly when 2020 and lockdown came crashing down. 

“I was deeply depressed,” said Steele. “I really thought it was over. It was last call. I can make a good living singing other people’s material. I can go back to Broadway. I have a kid to raise.” 

Steele’s indisputable vocal talent led her to star in Rent and Jesus Christ Superstar, and in the original production of Hairspray, whose composer Marc Shaiman regularly calls to sing any new music he’s written. Through Shaiman, she began recording demos and singing back-up, and eventually drew a reputation as the go-to for the biggest voices of pop music.

But even though she became known in certain circles for her undeniable voice and performance ability, she still had her own dreams to pursue. She began recording and releasing her own music, and in 2015, RISE (Ropeadope Records) landed the #2 spot on the iTunes Jazz Chart, gaining her a foothold in the jazz realm and eventually collaborations with celebrated jazz artists, like Grammy-winning trumpeter Chris Botti. She began performing at festivals around the world and making guest soloist appearances with symphony orchestras across the country.

Everything seemed on the right track until Steele found herself in the throes of a pandemic, unable to perform and with no desire to create. After months of paralyzing self-doubt, Steele decided to finish her music degree at Berklee College of Music that she had started at University of Southern Mississippi several years prior.

As a biracial woman who experienced a massive culture shock when moving from Germany to Biloxi, MS, as a 9-year-old with her military family, Steele has spent much of her life contemplating her identity – both outwardly and inwardly. “Moving to Mississippi was the first time I felt different. At the time, seeing a multi-racial family was out of the norm for most,” she says of the way she was viewed by adults and kids alike.

Steele left USM when New York City came calling, a move that became a pivotal point in her life and led to her finally finding her authentic self both in her career and personally as a black woman.

But in 2020, without any opportunity to perform live, Steele, unconvinced that she would ever create another album, decided to finish her degree. At Berklee, Steele dug deep into music theory and started writing and composing with fellow students. While watching coverage of the George Floyd murder and ensuing social justice movement, Steele and frequent collaborator Kamilah Marshall composed “The Bloodline” with producer/arranger David Cook (Jennifer Hudson, Maren Morris, Shoshana Bean). The experience sparked her once again to reexamine her experiences and identity as a black woman.

“I didn’t want to add to the messages of anger and rage. There was enough of that out there. With ‘The Bloodline,’ I wanted to reclaim the joy of what it means to be black, but with a heaviness to the production. We stand on the shoulders of those who came before us, all the things our ancestors did even though they were considered 3/5 of a person. The joy of black people when we get in a room together.”

Gold Dust by Shayna Steele

The cathartic experience of writing brought hope – maybe she would make one more album. Working with Cook, Steele decided to “throw everything” at the endeavor. Gold Dust, a culmination of originals and incredibly reimagined covers from Ray Charles to Radiohead to Cole Porter, emerged, and “The Bloodline” became the first single.

Named for the rollicking, powerhouse Fleetwood Mac cover of “Gold Dust Woman” on the album, Gold Dust brought Steele back – not just to what she does, but to who she is.

A frenetic and powerful energy runs throughout the album. On the Cole Porter classic “You’d Be So Nice To Come Home To,” Steele enlisted Grammy-nominated jazz saxophonist Donny McCaslin (David Bowie) to reimagine the song with an upbeat, almost electric feel surrounding Steele’s mighty vocals.

“Faust Arp,” a Radiohead cover featuring trumpeter Philip Dizack, encapsulates tension and the ramblings of the mind. Likewise “January” begins softly and builds into a rising crescendo of sounds and textures with Steele’s laser-focused vocals cutting to the forefront, eventually chanting “We will always find our way.”

Yet through the album-making process, shared for the first time with her 10-year-old daughter Caia, Steele’s perspective started to change.

“My daughter was old enough now to be around and with me in the studio on this album. I began to realize for myself, and to tell her, ‘This is what I do. And I’m good at it.’

“It’s important for my daughter to see her mother pursue her dreams and still be a good mom. I had people in my life tell me that something would have to give, but I didn’t give into that narrative. There is a world where women can have it all.”

Fittingly, on the album closer, “A Perfect Frame,” Steele belts out the refrain, “All I want’s inside of me.”

“The darkness didn’t swallow me whole,” Steele says. “I came up from the ashes.”

from ropeadope https://ift.tt/QYwmE9t via IFTTT

[youngshiney]

how i would run sm: Red Velvet edition

back to the series with the next logical group, Red Velvet. sm's first group after Exo and my ult girl group, similarly under a cut as per last post

triple debut (2014-2015): so to start, i actually dont mind Happiness as RV's debut and that its ot4. Yeri was really young, so i wouldnt really change those first two eras (Be Natural is my beloved but its a single and a remake so it doesnt count as their first cb in my eyes). what i would change is the schedules and some promo.

firstly, like Exo i think RV would have benefited from some sort of webtoon or lore comic starting at the second debut for ICC bc thats when we start to get hints that something in Cake Land isnt right. i have a lot of thoughts on RV lore/storyline which we will cover in the upcoming kwangya post (after nct and aespa posts bc they are integral to my version of kwangya).

second, Seulgi should have solo debuted in 2015 between Dumb Dumb and the lesbian christmas song (Wish Tree was iconic and we love Lee Jooyoung). shes been RV's ace since pre-debut, everyone knew and loved her and acknowledged her talents, and she was in multiple mvs of her sunbaes (Henry's Fantastic was the best). Seulgi being the first solo RV member feels right in every way, and while it would be very different than what we got for 28 Reasons, i think that might be partially a good thing.

the start of the success era (2016-2017): Russian Roulette was perfect and i have nothing to say about it. The only thing I would have done differently for them in 2016 was pushed for more solo/unit content, like station songs, vlogs, arts and crafts vids? like just stuff where theyre having fun and hanging out with no pressure. the main 2017 change tho is Joy solo debut. sm is so fucking stupid for NOT capitalizing on the attention Joy got from The Liar and His Lover, a show all about how perfect and amazing she is as a singer! like have her prepare and record between Red Flavor and Peek a Boo and have Peek a Boo pushed back a week or two. the concerts were a good idea, but they really should have capitalized on Joy's performance more. im still annoyed she hasnt properly debuted especially bc clips of her singing from TLAHL was what made me look into RV in the first place and why Joy is my girl ult of ults

Bad Boy (2018): id push Bad Boy back a little bc the time between PaB and BB feels too short, especially going by my plan. other than that, no major notes since the eras were pretty good and the concerts were a good idea. maybe a bit more of a rest after RBB bc of the short turn around time between that and the Japan cb + NA tour

ReVe Fest pt.1 (2019): the Ellie Goulding collab was amazing. ReVe Fest day 1 was a mess, and i say that as a Zimzalabim supporter. the styling was horrific and it all needs to go, the mv should have been more circusy and less performance vid imo, and the song is fine but maybe a less chanty chorus? ReVe Fest day 2 was good and idk why people hate Umpah Umpah bc it was cute and summery like it should have been. and then the Finale, Psycho was one of the best eras taken from us too quickly. i mean the only thing to change is to stop wendy from falling bc that killed the whole momentum and their careers for a hot minute.

the hiatus (2020): now to be clear, i am not blaming wendy for her injury or suggesting she should have come back early. its good she rested and healed properly and came back slowly to make sure everything was okay. every idol should do that. that being said, we should have gotten an ot4 album even if it was just a mini. the girls basically did nothing for a whole year waiting for her and it really did hurt them/their momentum. they should have had more solo content through the year alongside the like two group things, then Seulrene debut in june like originally planned, and then and ot4 album in fall or winter.

back on track? (2021): ot5 being at smtown was great and got everyone hyped to see the group after a full year of hiatus and they teased a cb at the performance. and then wendy killed the hype by doing her solo debut 4 months later with a ballady slow song. and she had the audacity to be like "omg i feel so bad for making everyone wait and then doing a solo" like girl wtf?? anyway gripes about her aside. Queendom was cute, but it felt lackluster after the long wait and felt more like a b-side than a title. also the mv/concepts teased all this magic and powers and a whole universe only to give us literally nothing after the first minute. why were they in a post office when the teasers were about the antique shop?? i would have changed the mv a lot to either expand on the magic or fit the teasers better.

ReVe Fest pt.2 (2022): sm cancelled the concert (rightly) bc the girls got covid but then never rescheduled bc there were "no venues open" even tho the same thing happened to dream and they got rescheduled in like two weeks so what the fuck is that about? um anyway they should have done a concert after Feel My Rhythm but also not named it ReVe Fest bc theres no point and they arent connected. ALSO FMR was beautiful and all but what happened to the ballet concept which wasnt in the mv and why did they not expand on the weird half story with Dark Queen Seulgi and the garden etc? also also FMR felt like a b-side too which was disappointing especially after queendom. and im skipping ahead to birthday bc that was actually the biggest let down of the year. the concept/teaser photos had literally nothing to do with the mv or song, the song itself was easily their worst title and did not sound good in any way, the mv styling wasnt great for pretty much everyone, the cake ver selling out before preorders even ended and before they showed us what it was/what was in it was super annoying. birthday is the biggest let down era imo and ESPECIALLY after the beauty of Wildside. Wildside was the only release in 2022 for RV that i actually 100% enjoyed from the style to the mv to the song to the plot in the mv. like it was perfect and exactly what we should have gotten as a Korean title and era. i would have absolutely done something similar for birthday, especially with the grunge outfits/concept

future plans/ideas: Yeri and Irene solo debuts, Seulrene cb, Joy actual debut this time, more solo schedules especially for the actresses, more Yeri vlogs, Seulgi cb with a better song, my highly indulgent KaiJoyYuta trio, an even more indulgent trio of Seulgi/BoA/Yunho, i think thats all i have off the top of my head.

next week nct u and the way nct overall would function before we get into the actual units

[the-breath-in-air]

So you're done with Our Flag Means Death, now what...

Whenever I come across a fandom praising a relatively mainstream show/movie for being Peak Gay or the Most Radical Thing Ever, I create a list of other queer media that fans might like. I love Our Flag Means Death, and its certainly doing some unique things. But it's a lovely, unique blend of things found in other media, not something radically new. Hence, this list of series that you might like if you like Our Flag Means Death.

In no particular order:

The Other Two (2019 - present) - The Other Two was marketed as a comedy about the antics of the jealous siblings of a Justin Bieber-like child star. But that's a bit misleading. For one thing, Chase Dreams (the child star) is written to be a genuinely good kid. For another, although it absolutely is a comedy, there's a family tragedy at the heart of the series that really grounds all characters even as they do ridiculous things. And the older siblings aren't really jealous; it's more that they're kind of disasters trying to latch onto Chase's fame to figure out their own lives. The older brother, Carey, is gay and although his character goes through a self-acceptance arc, he doesn't ever have to 'come out,' which is refreshing. The show also satirizes what it's like to be a millennial queer in Hollywood.

Everything's Gonna Be Okay (2020-2021) - Everything's Gonna Be Okay is a series written by Josh Thomas about an autistic gay man who becomes the guardian of his two half-siblings. There are multiple autistic and queer characters portrayed by autistic and queer actors. It's a comedy about dealing with grief as well as being about self-discovery, both for the teenagers and the adults in the story. It's also a story about family supporting each other through difficult challenges.

DC's Legends of Tomorrow (2016 - present) - Legends of Tomorrow is about a group of misfits who "screw up history for the better." It's really a hodge podge of DC characters (and original characters) that don't fit into a superhero series of their own. The cast changes frequently, but there is always at least one queer character on the series (and sometimes quite a few). It's full of a bunch of misfits who cause havoc and then try to fix the chaos they created. There is an episode with pirates, and a running gag about an electronic stuffed animal toy and eventually there are same-gender co-captains. The first season is rough, so maybe read a summary and skip to season 2 if you find yourself falling off it after the first couple episodes.

What We Do In The Shadows (2019 - present) - What We Do In The Shadows has been accused of queerbaiting, and not without reason. It's not Supernatural-level queerbaiting by any means, but season 3 seems to really be leaning heavily on the "are they or aren't they" tension between two characters. That said, the series itself is actually hilarious and there are a number of explicitly queer characters.The main characters are vampires and they'e all queer. They're also a found family of misfits and fuckups. And within that dynamic, the story finds real human (or vampire) connections between all these characters. The series style is (like the movie its based on) like a documentary, with interviews and everything. And there are some episodes that really use that framing well, with the fictional camera crew becoming part of the story.

Schitt's Creek (2015-2020) - Schitt's Creek is a comedy series about an obscenely wealthy family that loses all their money and has to move out to a small little rural down named...Schitt's Creek. One of the characters is David, who is pansexual. The story is basically about how this family learns how to love each other and actually be a family...and also come to value their relationships with the other people in the town. The series very deliberately depicts a world in which homophobia exists, but not within the town or amongst the townspeople.

Black Sails (2014-2017) - Black Sails is actually nothing like Our Flag Means Death. It's a pretty grim drama about a queer pirate captain who wages war against the British Empire as revenge for the homophobic violence the empire enacted against his lover. It's about other things too, but that's really the driving motivator of the main character. There are a number of other queer characters as well, though unfortunately only two of them are pirates. If Our Flag Means Death is a rousing cheer, then Black Sails is a roaring rage. Trigger warning for rape, blood, and general violence.

[a-silent-symphony]

NIGHTWISH's TUOMAS HOLOPAINEN: First Live Show After FLOOR JANSEN's Cancer Diagnosis 'Was Emotional For All Of Us'

NIGHTWISH keyboardist and main songwriter Tuomas Holopainen spoke to Ireland's Overdrive about what it has been like for him and his bandmates to return to the road just weeks after singer Floor Jansen revealed her breast cancer diagnosis. "The first show of this [European tour] leg in Antwerp [Belgium on November 20] was just so emotional for all of us, but especially for Floor," he said. "It all came out during the song 'Sleeping Sun'. She couldn't sing the song towards the end, and she just broke down. It was a positive breakdown, if you know what I mean. It was just a huge release of so much anxiety and pressure that had been building up inside her. It was a culmination of beating cancer, finally do[ing] this tour, and [the fact] that her voice was good enough to do what she loves to do. All of that came out at the same time, and it's been wonderful ever since."

On November 18, Floor revealed that she was "cancer free" after undergoing surgery to have a tumor removed following a breast cancer diagnosis. At the time, she wrote on social media that "the surgery took everything cancerous out and it hasn't spread!"

Jansen went public with her diagnosis in October. At the time, she wrote: "The word cancer is a shocker. All that you found important in life before this diagnosis changes radically within minutes. Now I just want to be healthy again. I want to see my daughter grow into a woman; I want to live! And the scariest part of this diagnosis is that I thought I was healthy! I didn't feel the cancer, I didn't know it was there until I, as a 40+ woman, went to a standard mammogram checkup. Something many countries offer, for free even for the lucky ones. Had I not gone there, the tumor would have gone undetected. In a year from now this could have grown much bigger. The thought of that makes me share this story with you. A mammogram is lifesaving! It's uncomfortable and you might think that you won't have something in your breasts anyway but GO! And for the men reading this: remind your wife, girlfriend, mother, sister to go and get checked. Even without the luxury I as a western woman experience with free mammogram checkups: GO! Luckily, there are many organizations that offer information about self-detection if you do not have access or funds for a mammogram. If I might inspire you to take good care of yourself, then something good will come out of this cancer diagnosis."

Jansen made her live debut as the frontwoman of NIGHTWISH on October 1, 2012 at Showbox Sodo in Seattle, Washington following the abrupt departure of the band's lead singer of five years, Anette Olzon. Jansen officially joined NIGHTWISH in 2013.

As part of NIGHTWISH, Jansen landed two number one albums in Finland, and Top Five albums in Austria, France, Germany, Greece, Hungary, the Netherlands, Norway, Sweden and Switzerland.

Born in the Netherlands, Jansen joined her first band, one of the world's first symphonic metal bands, AFTER FOREVER, when she was only 16 years old. The group went on to release five albums from 2000 to 2007, before they broke up in 2009.

Jansen's next band, REVAMP, released two albums in 2010 and 2013, before she joined NIGHTWISH as a full-time member. NIGHTWISH's first album with Jansen as the lead singer was 2015's "Endless Forms Most Beautiful", which landed in Top 10s around the world. This was followed by 2020's "Human. :II: Nature." , which was also an international success.

Jansen has toured extensively with the band and appeared on three of NIGHTWISH's live albums "Showtime, Storytime", "Vehicle Of Spirit" and "Decades: Live In Buenos Aires".

In 2019, Jansen participated in the popular Dutch TV show "Beste Zangers" where she scored a big hit with "Phantom Of The Opera" together with Henk Poort. She was recognized with a Dutch Popprijs award — a prestigious accolade for artists that has made important contributions to Dutch music. In the same year, her first solo tour sold out in less than 24 hours.

Floor will release her debut solo album, "Paragon", on March 24. The LP contains "a diverse collection of pop-infused tracks and emotional ballads influenced by the sounds of her career," according to a press release.