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raven-at-the-writing-desk · 1 year ago

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I don’t know if you already wrote about this so forgive me if this is a repeat question but, what do you think about Leona’s depression? I feel it’s pretty obvious in game and yet it’s always glossed over as him being ‘lazy’ idk but I don’t find many talking about his really shitty mental health with any seriousness.

Surprisingly I haven't addressed this (at least not in detail)! So thank you for bringing this to my attention; I definitely feel like I've heard people (especially Leona fans) discuss this quite frequently. If you look in the right places, you’re sure to find insightful commentary on the subject! I know I certainly have, but I've yet to say my own piece on it yet.

Now, before I actually get to actually rambling, I want to preface this post with a few points so we can walk in knowing the perspective I'm coming from. Analysis isn't a "one size fits all"! My experiences and background will color the lenses through which I view Leona’s mental health.

First and foremost, I usually don't go out of my way to claim, "this character has X condition" beyond what is outright stated or implied in canon. That does NOT mean that I disapprove of fans who may have their headcanons that say otherwise or project onto or relate to characters' mental health. You can consume the media you like however you want! I am just saying that I don't have this preference so I feel somewhat uncomfortable speaking on this matter.

Secondly, I am trying to approach this situation from a very clinical viewpoint (as I do have knowledge in this area). This means that when I look for “implications” or read between the lines, I am doing so as objectively as I can. It’s how I choose to process and understand characters from a health angle. This does not mean that my opinion is certain; you could very well find someone else in this area that gives you the opposite opinion. As always, I warn you that my response is for fun, it is NOT meant to be taken as medical advice.

Lastly, PLEASE READ THE ENTIRE POST before you comment or share your own thoughts. I'm up for having a discussion, but I ask that you not do so without getting the full context of my thoughts. It’s a lot of information, and I did my best to break it down in a way that (I hope!!) is easy to understand.

CONTENT WARNING: due to the nature of the question at hand, I will be discussing or mentioning potentially triggering topics such as ***depression, suicidal ideation, dieting, homophobia, and substance abuse.*** Please look away if you are not in the right headspace to read about such topics.

Okay, let's rip the band-aid off now: I don't think Leona is clinically depressed.

Pause. Rewind. Take note of my careful wording there: clinically depressed. I don't think Leona is clinically depressed. What does that mean, and how does that relate to "being depressed"?

I think when people describe Leona as "depressed", they commonly mean that he "has depression", not that he is just feeling sad or has low self-esteem. By "having depression", I'm going to assume they are referring to "major depressive disorder", which is the technical term for the condition.

"It's just an abbreviation of the longer term. What's the issue with using 'depression'?” you're probably wondering. “You understand that we mean major depressive disorder.” Well, equating the two does NOT a diagnosis make.

Mental conditions such as major depressive disorder are documented in a handbook known as the DSM (or the Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders). The latest version, the DSM-5-TR (5th edition with text revisions), was published in 2022. The DSM is a manual that sets forth criteria for each diagnosis in its pages. Of course, this includes major depressive disorder—and it may surprise you to learn that Leona does not meet its diagnostic criteria.

A diagnosis of "depression" (the term I will henceforth be using as shorthand for the disorder) is much more than having persistent feelings of sadness or hopelessness, being unmotivated/lazy, and wanting to sleep often. (I bring up these three things specifically because they are the ones I see being pointed at most frequently to “prove” the diagnosis.)

In order to be formally diagnosed, an individual must be experiencing at least 5 or more of the following symptoms during the same 2-week period:

Depressed mood most of the day, nearly every day.

Markedly diminished interest or pleasure in all, or almost all, activities most of the day, nearly every day.

Significant weight loss when not dieting or weight gain, or decrease or increase in appetite nearly every day.

A slowing down of thought and a reduction of physical movement (observable by others, not merely subjective feelings of restlessness or being slowed down).

Fatigue or loss of energy nearly every day.

Feelings of worthlessness or excessive or inappropriate guilt nearly every day.

Diminished ability to think or concentrate, or indecisiveness, nearly every day.

Recurrent thoughts of death, recurrent suicidal ideation without a specific plan, or a suicide attempt or a specific plan for committing suicide.

At least one of the symptoms should be either 1) depressed mood or 2) loss of interest or pleasure in activities they previously found enjoyable. Furthermore, the symptoms must cause what is known as "clinically significant distress", which is defined by impairment in important areas of functioning. This includes, but is not limited to, socialization, occupation, and/or education. The symptoms must also not be the result of substance abuse or another medical condition, and the individual must ever have experienced mania or hypomania.

Let’s briefly go through each criterion + additional documents and see what evidence there is or isn’t to support it:

We do not have his medical records to cross reference, so for the sake of convenience let’s assume no underlying or additional medical conditions.

We must consider additional context about family, lifestyle, etc. which can confound his symptoms. For example, as a prince, Leona has grown up having most things done for him by servants. This is what he is used to. So when we observe Leona not doing basic things for himself (getting food, doing laundry, making his bed), how much of this can we truly attribute to an underlying condition and how much of this can we attribute to Leona being accustomed to a certain kind of lifestyle?

Leona (at least from what we know of) does not experience mania, nor is he depicted as taking mind or behavior altering substances.

Of the first two criteria, Leona must fit into one: either 1) depressed mood most of the day, nearly every day, or 2) markedly diminished interest or pleasure in all, or almost all, activities most of the day, nearly every day. These depend on how you interpret his actions and behaviors. Personally, I don’t think Leona strongly fits into 2 because he still has an interest in his hobbies like Magift/Spelldrive and playing chess (though his involvement in it varies depending on the context). I will concede that there is stronger evidence for 1 over 2, as Leona has definitely expressed sadness and despair regarding himself and his future prospects. It is these thoughts that drive him away from home and keep contact with his family at a minimum. It is these thoughts that prevent him from seeing himself as worthy or even capable of change—a sentiment he shares in book 6, when he encourages Jamil but does not grant himself the same kindness or optimism. For this reason, we will go with the first criterion.

He has not experienced notable weight loss nor gain, nor a notable increase or decrease in appetite. Regarding his general diet, Leona has expressed a preference for meat and rejects vegetables. This by itself does not really provide any useful information in of itself; many people have this preference.

Leona does not experience a slowing down of thought. He is still very sharp and quick-witted in responding to his surroundings, especially in potentially dangerous ones, and coming up with an appropriate plan to counter. It can be argued that Leona has had a reduction in physical movement, as many characters often make remarks about how they perceive him as lazy or not doing much. However, this criterion actually refers to the speed at which one completes an activity and as far as I know, Leona is not said to be moving sluggishly, he only conducts himself in a manner that can be described as "lazily elegant". Even if we stretched the definition to encompass long-term goals he is putting off (like graduation), this criteria is still not counted for Leona since the wording used in the DSM-5-TR states “slowing down of thought AND reduction in physical movement” must be present. In other words, both must be true, not just one of them.

Leona does seem to experience some level of fatigue or loss of energy. This could be one way of interpreting his desire to sleep excessively instead of tending to more meaningful matters (like class). Fatigue, in this case, can also refer to emotional or mental fatigue. The sleep, then, can serve as a means of escape from reality for Leona, but it does not indicate actual physical tiredness. Rather, the tiredness can be intangible. This is also a potential explanation for his lack of motivation when it comes to some activities, especially those that demand him to take charge.

Leona does appear to experience feelings of worthlessness, though perhaps not excessive or inappropriate guilt. In fact, I would wager Leona does not demonstrate the latter, although this could be attributed to the fact that we are not in his head and he does not open up to others about his feelings. For example, we still don't know what his feelings are on almost killing Ruggie in a fit of rage. This does not discredit this criterion though, as the wording in the DSM is “feelings of worthlessness OR […] guilt” meaning one or the other suffices. It is no secret that Leona seeks recognition for his skills—something he was denied as a child and even put down for. While he is aware of his strengths, he has moments when he doubts himself (stating that he can’t change, or giving up when he realizes his plans won’t work so what’s the point in trying?), the contributions he can make (even when his older brother reassures him he can help their country), and encouragement from others (Jack telling him his play inspired him).

As I've said before, Leona does not have a diminished ability to think or concentrate. It has been shown to us time and time again that he doesn't do schoolwork not for lack of trying or lack of understanding, but because he thinks of himself as above it. Leona has already been tutored by the finest teachers royal money can buy, so he believes there is not much else for him to learn. He is also not shown to be indecisive--he can make decisions very quickly and can guide others or at least convince them to go along with him.

Leona does not have suicidal ideation or have recurring thoughts of committing suicide/death. While it's true that this is a game rated for ages 4+ (and therefore has restrictions on what content is and is not allowed in it), TWST has demonstrated to us that there are ways to imply suicidal ideation and other dark themes without explicitly saying it. (One notable example is Idia in late book 6, where he drops lines like "I'll go with you" and expresses dissatisfaction with "this world" to Ortho, who is known to be dead. To this, Ortho reassures him and encourages him to keep living. In fact, I could go on a whole tangent about how Idia better fits the criteria for major depressive disorder, but we're not going to get into that here.) The fact that TWST does not really imply this about Leona makes me think this is not true of him.

It can be said that the symptoms Leona does have are clinically significant, as his behavior is shown to have significant impact on his studies to the point where he was held back a grade. This was not because he did not know the material, but because he failed to find the motivation to attend class and to do his assignments. It also appears that Leona didn't really make an effort to work toward his future until book 7, when he actually talks his internship plans and about wanting to graduate.

We may guess that the symptoms persisted for two weeks or more (given Leona’s history and involvement in the main story), but the frequency of the symptoms is unclear since the game controls what we see of Leona and what we don’t.

Taking all of that into consideration, Leona does in fact exhibit depressive symptoms, but only 3 at most (I say “at most” because we have no idea about the true frequency at which some behaviors occur; we aren’t with Leona 24/7, nor has he reported it to us) out of the 8 total criteria. That’s 2 short of a diagnosis.

“But wait, there’s a lot of information missing here! We don’t have medical records, his weight and appetite changes, etc.” That’s true—but see, the main issue I take with diagnosing fictional characters in the first place is that we oftentimes do not know a character in detail enough to understand the full scope of their lives and symptoms. Noticing a few details is one thing and valid to an extent, but to evaluate an individual is not purely observational. This is particularly true for TWST characters, as even though there is plenty of content to refer back to for behavior, there is still a lack of really going into daily activities or deep feelings (beyond the one post-OB flashback for the OB boys). We cannot observe their behavior extensively. Because of this, tons of key criteria may not be visible to us from the audience’s perspective, let alone a medical history or other data to consider for assessment. We will almost always have an incomplete profile of a fictional character. Health is holistic and not entirely based on what we as individuals see or on all anecdotal evidence.

Just as health considers all parts of the individual, we, too, must consider individual cases of depression. It is possible for depression to exist without a diagnosis—many people (especially older adults), unfortunately, go undiagnosed for their condition. At the same time, it is possible for Leona to have depression which manifests in an atypical way. Each person with depression presents differently than the last, so I so not intend to make any blanket statements about the general population with this condition. The only statement I am making here is that based on my own interpretation of the current lore TWST has granted is, Leona Kingscholar does not satisfy the criteria for a formal clinical diagnosis, at least not for major depressive disorder as is defined by the DSM-5-TR.

Interestingly, Leona does fit the diagnostic criteria for a subclinical form of depression in a 1994 version of the DSM (IV). Minor depression or minor depressive disorder, colloquially known as “everyday depression”, is defined as having 2–4 depressive symptoms persisting for more than 2 weeks. One of these symptoms must be either depressed mood or loss of interest. It should be noted that this terminology is no longer recognized, as new information is added and dropped from the manual all the time. The information is flexible based on the consensus of a panel of hundreds of experts. Older versions of the DSM can be horribly outdated and it is not advised to reference them over newer ones. (As an example, "homosexuality" was legitimately listed as a mental illness in the very first version of the DSM. Yikes. Thankfully, this was dropped from the DSM-II. Other conditions like "multiple personality disorder" are granted new names like "dissociative identity disorder" or reworked altogether as our studies and understanding of mental health and science improve. It is important to keep up with the research coming out and update our approaches accordingly.)

We do not currently have a label for Leona’s situation aside from perhaps experiencing depressive episodes (periods of notable sadness lasting under 2 weeks) and exhibiting some depressive symptoms. I must stress that just because we lack a full-blown diagnosis, it doesn’t mean that it doesn’t impact his life. Leona is shown to very clearly be struggling with his mental health. He spends a lot of time in bed, typically cannot be motivated to attend class or do complete assignments, and has moments where he thinks very lowly of himself in spite of the confidence he exudes to others. What's more is that because Leona does not speak to others about what he's going through, it comes off as laziness or arrogance to his peers. Think of it this way: if you have a bad day and snap at a stranger or an acquaintance, the stranger/acquaintance is far less likely to grant you grace or forgiveness for your behavior compared to, say, a friend. They are not as familiar with you, so they will have less patience and are less likely to consider what you may be going through on a personal level. This also applies on a fandom level; if a fan is not actively reading between the lines, they, like Leona's peers, may miss the depressive symptoms he is displaying because they aren't looking for it. How many people can we say are close friends with Leona for him to open up to them about his circumstances? I would say Leona barely even lets his own dorm members be intimate enough with him to let them know about this part of himself. He has Savanaclaw backing him, but he probably does not talk to the mobs extensively. Ruggie is his errand boy, but I doubt Leona pours his heart out to him. And Jack is the newbie who did technically betray their dorm, so Leona might not trust him. Forget about people beyond his dorm. Even his family is not much better off; we've seen that Leona tends to brush off his brother's friendliness and attempts to make amends. There is no strong support system in place for him, which is tricky because Leona perpetuates it by keeping others at bay. In the light novel adaptation of book 2, Leona has an inner monologue about how he is afraid of letting others give him hope because it will encourage him to try again, only to fail another time. I imagine similar logic applies here; he is afraid of showing his vulnerable side because it might give him hope for change when he as late as book 6 expresses that he has given up on himself. I think that this is the detail about Leona most look to when they consider his mental health. The hallmark of depression is, after all, the feeling of perpetual sadness and despair itself. Most do not realize that other factors are considered.

From a clinical lens, it is not “obvious" that Leona is depressed. However, I understand why the prevailing sentiment tends to skew in the opposite direction. For the layman, it may be difficult to distinguish what is and is not clinically significant enough to warrant an actual diagnosis. Again, most will cite the same three pieces of information to support the depression reading: Leona's irritability, his unwillingness to participate, and the rejection he experienced as a child (which has now manifested as self-doubt and low self-esteem). Characters are often judged based on fans' own experiences, and this naturally comes with biases and subjectivity. Thus, some fans may project their own understanding or preconceived notions of what the "typical" depressed person acts like in their head onto Leona. This is normal human empathy at play. I believe that other fans see depression in Leona either because they experience it themselves or are familiar with someone in the same shoes. It can be difficult, and at times we can find solace and solidarity in fiction, especially if we find a character that “speaks to us” and seems relatable. That character may be Leona for some people. If you see do see him in this light or relate to his situation, I’m not invalidating your feelings. On the contrary, I'm happy that you were able to find comfort in him and that a piece of media you love can serve as a coping mechanism. You keep on doing you!

It is at this point that I will reiterate what I said at the start with a little extra nuance: I do not think Leona clinically depressed BUT I do believe he has depressive symptoms and poor mental health as the result of his cumulative circumstances. It is possible for him to have major depressive disorder, but we cannot determine this for certain with the information available to us right now. We are still missing several key components that would typically be considered in the evaluation process.

I think it's important to step back from focusing on labels and instead focus on the individual experience, and how you can still grow as a person and not let a perceived label define you. Leona is definitely working on himself! Changing, particularly changing a deeply ingrained mindset, takes much time and effort. We may not see the progress since Leona tends to hide it and/or we have limited intractions with him. We may not always see giant strides because the process is difficult. Even so, Leona is trying to jump over those mental and emotional hurdles. He's putting his all back into Magift/Spelldrive training. He's attending classes and doing the assignments. He's going home for the holidays. He has an internship planned. He wants to graduate. I've enjoyed following Leona's journey of growth and self-development and seeing all the intense discussion surrounding that. It all comes from a place of love and wanting to support the characters we care about, no matter how we may individually view him.

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twisted-wonderland-shenanigans · 29 days ago

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Hiatus Update

Hey everyone! I hope everyone had a wonderful holiday season and is ready for the next year!

I'm really sorry that I keep falling into a hiatus status, but I've been doing a lot of thinking lately about some things.

No, this isn't an announcement of canceling my AUs or that I'm dropping Twisted Wonderland! I still love the series very much and I still have far too much in mind with the AUs to stop thinking about them so soon! I just wanted to get that out of the way since I realize my lack of content creation lately seems to have worried a few people, and I'd like to apologize to everyone for worrying you all.

That being said, that brings me to my next point, and...it's going to get serious. No TW, it's nothing like that! Just...me speaking my thoughts and realizations. TLDR at the end if you want to skip the ramble!

I've been writing for this blog for...gosh, I think about three years now? It feels less than that for me, but that's a lot of writing done over the years. So many AU ideas, so many asks, so much love for the AUs I've created that--honestly--I almost didn't even start this blog had it not been for some encouragement from a good friend. And I'm glad I did! These past few years have been some of the most creatively liberating times I've had before I ever discovered Twisted Wonderland (would you believe it was originally Leona that made me want to play it despite Malleus being the one that kept popping up in my feed to the point I had to try and figure out what his name was? XD).

Yet despite all that writing and hyper-fixating, I've come to realize and accept that I'm experiencing quite the huge burnout...and I have been for quite a while without realizing or accepting it.

It's not because of any particular wip fic or art that I've been slowing down. The burnout had been happening for a while and just boiled over, and I think as a result...I started doubting myself over time. Doubting that what I was writing was going to be good, or that I'd be able to fulfill everyone's requests or asks in a way that makes them happy or feel that I put as much effort into the writing as I do with others, feeling like I'd be letting people down if I don't make something as long or detailed as some of my other responses, or making promises of grand ideas and not being able to deliver on it. I didn't feel connected to my writing, that it wasn't meant for me to enjoy or feel like I could be part of.

To put it simply, I put far too much pressure on myself, and the lack of feedback or reactions beyond likes on some fics I spent a lot of time and effort on didn't exactly help my mind's relationship with my own writing. Because of that self-imposed pressure, I'd...forgotten what it was like to love my own writing, to enjoy the process for what it was and to feel like I can just write what I want and feel included in my own adventures. Writing consumed me to the point that most days...I'd only be able to stare at the blank screen or my notebooks, the words and scenes in my mind yet unable to string them together in tangible form and yet I felt terrible NOT sitting there trying to write.

It was a pretty vicious cycle I couldn't break until now.

Lately, I've been focusing more on self-care. Not just physical stuff like hygiene or cooking better home meals (though I am doing that), but I mean giving myself other things to enjoy on my self-care wheel.

This is what I mean by the self-care wheel (link to instagram post ). It puts it in a way that makes sense, and I hope it helps someone else as well! Here's a screenshot of the post for those who don't have Instagram.

I've been watching more anime and other shows on streaming services lately, I've been playing other games like World of Warcraft (which has become my current obsession!) among others, and just...essentially breaking up the routine I had where I did nothing but writing, so I could take a break. And honestly? I've been able to write other things again. But this time for myself.

I feel like I'm able to enjoy the process again.

I love my writing again!

But I know better than to just assume that things are okay now and I can jump back into the blog so soon. I don't want to repeat what I had been doing when I thought my burnout was gone and just silently falling into hiatus again. Healing isn't a linear process no matter what it's for, and things won't get better if I don't start being kinder to myself.

So to bring a long story short:

I'm okay. I'll be okay, I just have to remind myself to enjoy more hobbies and interests in my life to make each day more fulfilling--more rounded. And when I come back to Twisted Wonderland, I'll go at my own pace and remember to write for myself too. I'd still love to chat and ramble about it or even about other fandoms or things to try! I've spent far too long building this blog to let it and the wonderful people who have followed and commented and even sent asks and fanart go away, and I want to connect in a way I feel I hadn't been able to in ages. ;;v;;

Remember to take care of yourselves, and find other things to fill your self-care wheel! It'll take time and effort, but I promise that things will start to feel better the more you realize you've got other things to make life worthwhile. 💝

TLDR: I'm okay! I'm just going to be on hiatus for a while longer and working more on self-care to remember to enjoy life as it should be enjoyed. Writing and concept art will resume at my own pace when I feel I'm able to consistently enjoy the process of writing for the fandom again. Would love to ramble and chat about other hobbies and interests and interact with the community though!

#twisted wonderland #twst #twisted wonderland monster au #twst monster au #twisted wonderland kaiju au #twst kaiju au #twisted wonderland deity au #twst deity au #faun speaks #Sorry to get a bit serious but I had to address this for ease of mind for me and you guys #it may take time before I feel ready to write for the fandom again #but I've got so many wonderful memories here and hope to stay longer #so please bear with me while I discover my self-care wheel 💗

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yakuza4you · 4 months ago

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collecting what he's owed 𖥔 ݁ ˖

彡 : ̗̀➛ content tags/warnings: dead dove do not eat, majima is a creep, plot develops the more you read, drugged noncon, smut obv, exhibitionism, dry humping, glove as a gag, corruption, spit as lube, asphyxiation, bdsm, power difference, dacryphilla, squirting, biting, tad bit of spoilers from the majima saga chapters

彡 : ̗̀➛ characters: majima goro, terada, uematsu, other tojo clan ppl, random off-screen men mentioned later on

彡 : ̗̀➛ relationship: majima goro x reader

彡 : ̗̀➛ word count: 3.5k

The distinctive sound of a familiar voice rang in my ears, a melodic hum singing a tune as the office doors swung open. Majima held a cocky attitude, strutting into the room with his body swaying with each step. Every officer and patriarch eyeballed his strange arrival, a few whispering to each other.

Confusion plastered many faces, the informally dressed man making his way to the clan captains seat. I stay planted next to Terada, questioning the bold patriarchs' actions.

The first to speak up is Uematsu, demanding answers from Majima. Uematsu earned that spot fair and squ- well, earned it his own way. So, why the hell did all the sudden Majima strut in and take his future seat?

Uematsu's rambling is cut short by a loud clap, a clap to signal his men to roll in through the door as well. All of the patriarchs have different looks on their faces. Some are still confused, trying to process this whole situation. Some angry, already vomiting up degrading accusations, while others are completely silent.

A wheelbarrow is pulled in, money spilling out of the openings. The men pushing and pulling it in panting from the heaviness alone. Their faces strained with agony, especially the one in the front.

"I heard the next clan captain was gon' be determined by revenue collected. And in that case, I guess it's gon' be me, ya?" Majima chuckles, his laugh exploding into the room as he plops down into the chair, getting too comfortable in it.

Eyeballing Terada, eyeballing any of the other patriarchs in the room, none give me a look of desperation back. I try not to look at Majima, settling with the ground instead. The tension in the room alone can be felt from miles away. "I think this matter can be discussed in our next meeting." Terada clears his throat, attempting to dismiss the room effectively.

"N'uh, I believe ya owe me for this shit. Hell, it's rare for me to even be able to get my hands on this much money." Involuntarily, my eyes glare up, accidentally meeting his one good eye. I can feel his eye pierce into mine, quickly shifting them off of his to try not to get any unwanted attention.

Majima The Mad Dog of Shimano snarls his teeth at me before averting his burning glaze away, "Why is she even at this meetin'?" The man speaks, in a way as if he had all the authority within the room. Expecting quick answers, tapping his heels against the ground. He's visibly uncomfortable, constantly shifting in the clan captains chair.

An outbreak of protests echoed into the room, Majima frowning with annoyance in response. His irrelevant question was ignored reasonably.

"Slience!" Terada swiftly yells, regaining control of the room. "As the chairman, I am postponing this matter for later." He's adamant. Firm with his words. Every man in the room remembering whose really in control, focusing their attention on Terada.

I've always looked up to Majima ever since I got involved with the Tojo Clan. However, that doesn't mean he doesn't intimidate me. Being Teradas' right-hand man woman meant that I had to sometimes talk or work with Majima when it came to bigger things than just his own family. After a short break of quiet, Majima adds to Teradas' demands. "Right. I don't want the position anymore anyway. The girl'll do fine."

The topic of me is brought up again to the whole room. My train of thought is erased by Majimas' proposition.

"Come here, doll." The sound of his leather glove colliding onto his leather pants makes a snapping noise, adamant that I listen. I exchange concerned looks with Terada, questioning if I should actually do it. He gives me an unclear answer, so I follow Majimas' command and abide by our differences in ranks.

I'm hesitant, taking my time to walk over towards him. Once I get there, I face him dumbly as if I'm unaware of what he wants. Looking back at Terada, I try to plead with him one last time. My face stays focused onto Terada as I shift my body and lean my body onto Majimas thigh.

"What ya being shy for?" My weight is soon pulled fully on top of him, his hands on my hips to stabilize me. "Pretty lil' thang, ain'cha?" The promixity between our two faces close in, and in which I try to keep my distance. Any attempt to move back from him fails due to the grip he has on me.

"Majima-han, please, this really isn't necessary." I whine, pulling at his arms that are now fully wrapped around my waist. He watches me struggle for a good while before Terada finally cuts his act short.

"Enough, Majima. This room is to be dismissed immediately." For the third time attempting to empty the room, everyone finally takes their leave. Majima lets me go and run off while he shortly follows on after me. Teradas eyes glare him down as he watches Majima disappear into the hallway.

Fixing my knee-high skirt, I rough out any bumps and creases to make sure I continue to present myself in a modest way. Ever since the incident in the meeting room, I've been catching Majima always in the same place as me, coincidentally. The whole time I've worked with him, I keep things strictly professional as told to do so. However, the sudden change in his behavior disobeys that.

While getting ready to go home from the Tojo Clan HQ, I noticed something off about my car. I quickly ran over to inspect it, checking for any damage or issues. A flat tire. But not just any kind of tire, a slashed tire. As I run my fingers over it, thinking of how much it'll cost to fix it, Majima appears behind me.

"Ya car got somethin' wrong with it, hm?" he peers over my shoulder, checking out the work of his own. I groan with digust, trying to keep my focus on my tire and ignore him. "I was jus' about to call a cab, ya could catch a ride with me, doll." His hand rests on my shoulder, giving it a squeeze.

"No, Majima. I'd rather walk." Rejecting him, I pull away from him and start walking as I prepare to call a car shop.

A cab pulls up, one that Majima had called. "It'd be rude if ya said no now, already told the driver they'd be getting paid for two." His smug smile plasters his face, opening the door for me in anticipation. With hesitation, I follow along with him and get inside the cab as he gets in next to me from the other side.

Majima pats the driver's seat, indicating that he's ready to get going. I'm practically hugging the window at this point, keeping plenty of distance between me and him. His manspread reaches out into the middle seat, almost into mine.

"I thought ya had respect for me, not very respectful to be avoiding me, doll." He spats out, getting subtly close enough to caress my thigh with his gloved hand. Getting more towards the middle seat, he shifts my legs to lay on top of his thighs. I try setting my protests aside, too scared of what he'd do if I did so. His position being much higher than mine keeps me quiet, allowing him to have his way with me.

My skirt is rolled up, giving his hand room to pervertedly inch up my thigh. I wrap my arm around his neck to hold myself up to prevent my head from bumping into the window due to the awkward position he has me sat in. "Majima-han, we're gonna get kicked out of the cab if this continues..." I mumbled, trying not to sound like I was demanding him to stop.

"The driver ain't nothin' to worry about, girl." I automatically get the hint from him. He paid the driver to shut up and just drive. There are no rules during this cab ride, which makes my heart drop. The way Majima abuses his authority sends shivers down my spine. Why did Terada have to turn down Majima becoming Captain? Now I'm the makeup reward for all that money.

I feel Majima pull the rest of my body onto him, now sitting sideways on his lap. I place a hand onto his chest, praying that the ride ends soon. His hand under my skirt gets closer to my panties, a big smirk plastering his face yet again. "Lighten up a bit, ya should be honored to be getting this kinda treatment from me." He speaks into my neck, placing light pecks to the sensitive flesh. I slowly try to convince myself that this could be worse, forcing myself to accept it.

His thigh starts to bounce, trying to use levity in a situation like this. Or was it to get me to hang onto him more and get closer to him so I don't fall off of his lap? Who knows which one it is when it comes to Majima.

As soon as his fingers glaze my panties, the driver comes to an abrupt stop. "This is it, Majima-sama." The driver nervously spoke, tapping on the steering wheel with their hand.

The cab door pushed open, Majima getting out first before pulling me out as well. He gets a good grip on my wrist before swiftly jogging away from the cab, not paying the driver.

"W-wait! You forgot to pay me," the driver shouts, bummed out that they fell for his trick.

I look around my surroundings when I get a chance, realizing that we are at his construction site. He guides me through the secret entrance before running down the stairs to the hidden palace below. "Wow, it's pretty down here," I say, trying to change the subject away from... the original one of why I'm even with him.

"Jus' down this long path is my office, doll. All I want is a drink with you. Considering that you're what I get from all that revenue I collected, hm?" He questions, placing his hands on my hips as we meet eye to eye. I don't answer him. I simply pull my eyes off of him and to the ground.

Before I knew it, the large decorated doors closed behind me as well as Majima. The office was empty. The only thing in it was a large fish tank behind a desk and some support pillars to the sides of the office. I swear there was even an echo accompanied by any sound made in it.

As I took a closer look at the desk, I saw a few control panels. My curiosity getting the best of me, I go to press a button on it. Right before I managed to, both of my hands were pressed down into the table with just one of his own. Majimas chest meeting with my back as he pins me to the desk.

The warmth of his voice hits the back of my ear, the close proximity causing goosebumps to form up my arms. "I got you a drink, ya'know to ease you up, pretty."

"Majima..." I whine out, trying to shift out of his hold but to no avail. A comforting shushing sound from him quiets me up as his other hand offers my lips the glass full of a sultry light brown liquid in it. Shakily, I wrap my lips around the rim of the glass. Tilting my head back, he dumps all the glass empty into my mouth. A strong taste attacks my tongue, causing me to struggle to swallow it.

I'm not a big drinker, but I could tell there was something off putting to the taste. It was not normal. A tear falls down my face as it runs down my throat, burning anything in its path. I naturally gag, yet still managing to keep it down. Majima sets the glass down, caressing my forearm as a way of praise.

"Atta girl." He verbally praises alongside the touch. My head is turnt towards his face from behind me, his tongue licking my burning lips clean from any liquor that had escaped through.

Oddly enough, the one glass of liquor hits me like a bag of bricks within only minutes. I'm woosy, and the only thing keeping me awake is the feeling of Majima grinding up against me as his gloved hands roam under my blouse. Any movement I make is weakened, my eyesight failing on me. The last thing I hear before blacking out is Majima chuckling to himself before catching me mid fall.

My vision starts to fade back, and with each blink, I gain more back. I'm greeted with a soft plush pillow behind my neck and the sensation of my legs being messed with. Not knowing what the feeling exactly was, I tried to shift my body up to be able to tell. However, it came to my realization that my legs were hoisted up onto a familiar faces' shoulders.

Any sound I had attempted to make was quickly muffled by his own glove in my mouth. Instinctively, I go to remove it out of my mouth, but my hands are slapped down to the sides of my head. I peer my eyes over him, watching him kiss at my ankle, his thumb rubbing at my ankle as well. I take notice that his jacket isn't on him anymore, his pants being his only article of clothing on him besides the other glove.

Making sure I keep my hands down, Majimas hands find their place back at my hips, pushing them against his pelvis. While I was passed out, my skirt was removed, leaving me in just my panties. I'm laid out for Majima on full display. Every time I struggled, it only fueled him on more. He made sure I would struggle with the way he grinds against my clothed sex. I could've swore he had us in one of those fancy rooms we had passed on the way to the office as we had an audience.

Something about the way he looked made my desire for him awaken. His always maintained hair, now tossled and messy, his face as pretty as ever. I know this shouldn't be happening, though. Never should two colleagues be involved like this. Is that why he drugged me? He knew I'd never actually say yes to this willingly. How long has he felt this way for me? Did he use what happened in the meeting earlier today as an excuse?

All of the confusion turns into stress. Light tears begin to roll down my face as he sees this right away and begins to coo at me.

"Aww, what's wrong? No need to cry, doll. I'll make sure to take good care o' ya." My tears are kissed by Majima then wiped by his thumbs. He gets a hold of my cheeks, pouting at me in mockery of my own face. The glove in my mouth soaking up all of the waterworks coming from my mouth, growing an even darker black than what the glove originally was. Him realizing this, he pulls it out, saliva strings snapping off of the glove as he tosses it to the side in disgust.

In relief, I breathed out quiet moans and pants to recover from the little air restriction that gave me. Giving me little time to catch my breath, my body jerks up into an arch from his subtle touch on my clothed clit.

"Really? That's all it takes? So pathetic..." Majima laughs at my reaction, talking to me as if I'm another one of his enemies. My mind as scrambled as it is, I involuntarily grab as his wrist. "Move your hands." A demand. Before he took action himself and swatted them away, I kept his hand still as I rocked my hips against his fingers. Turning my head to the side, I grip the pillow and shove my face into that as I begin to lose myself.

Majima gets a kick out of my desperation, and so does the male audience watching from outside the room. Some of them even fondling themselves through their own pants. Majima rips my blouse open before sliding one of his hands up my bra. He gives my breast a squeeze before pressing his thumb into my nipple. While lost within my own pleasure, I failed to notice that Majima had replaced his hand with his rock-hard dick. Now, rubbing himself off on my panties.

I plead for him now rather than wanting him off of me. I don't know what's gotten into me. But I need this, I need him. My cunt aches for him, more than just friction. Majima himself was a melting mess, trying to keep himself together but failing to do so. Impatiently, my panties are pulled to the side. Majima covers his hand in his own spit before rubbing it into my cunt as lubricate.

As I realize this is really happening, I try backing out like I even had a choice from the beginning, but it's too late. He had leaned forward, locking my legs over his shoulder and bending my body. I tap on his forearms that are wrapped around my thighs to hold them steady. His sweaty physique uncomfortably pins my body down as he teases my entrance with his leaking dick.

The way our slicks combine together into a sticky one, every glide of his dick giving off a lewd pornographic sound. Finally, he lines himself up before guiding himself in. With the position he has me in, he's deep inside of me, and it already hurts. This is the first time I'm taking him.

"It hurts, please stop... Majima..." Of course, he pays me no mind. Clearly, he feels good, and that's all that matters to him. Majimas mouth is agape, his hair falling into his face as he starts to push himself deeper before pulling himself out and repeating that movement. The way he stretches me out burns, causing me to claw at his arms to try to get him to stop. Again, the more I struggle, the more he gets off to it.

What I didn't expect from him was retaliation. My neck is greeted by his one gloved palm and given a rough enough squeeze to the point that my airways were almost completely blocked off. He'd give me second breaks to catch my breath before tightening his grip again. Those tears from earlier had broken out again, but this time, my cries were louder. Which made him take his other hand and cover my mouth. I bite down onto his palm, drawing blood from how hard I bit down.

"Ya're something, huh?" He moans from the painful sensation. I only fuel him on more with the way he begins to piston into me powerfully. Lifting my head, I watch as his dick appears out my cunt before slamming back into it, causing my head to fall back and roll into the pillow. To my surprise, I started getting off to his fucking. I slowly felt my body grow warm, building up an orgasm in my stomach. Every thrust from him was brutal. No mercy was shown.

At one point, I thought I'd pass out from all of the sensations at once, but he kept me awake by removing his hand from my neck and using it to instead rub unto my clit, which did not help relieve the overstimulation I was experiencing. Being pushed over the edge, I feel myself convulse, squeezing my hips around him as I intensely cum around his dick. His reaction to it is different, because I didn't just cum. I'm absolutely mortified to realize that I had squirted all over his torso. His face isn't an unpleasant one, just one of surprise.

"Somebody got a lil' too excited" He shames me in a teasing way, delivering light slaps to my clit before slowly continuing his pace. His face uncomfortably clenches up with each thrust, his own orgasm threatening.

He leans over to my ear, biting on the outer shell before slurring, "'m gon' paint you with my cum, pretty." With one last roll of his hips, he pulls out, rubbing himself off before ropes of his cum plaster my chest. I feel as if he's louder than me, moaning for everyone to hear as he finishes. Sweat drops falling from his forehead. Majima gives my cheek a slap before shoving his thumb in between my lips. I taste the sultry left over cum on his hand, dumbly sucking on it.

Majima collapses onto me, whispering concerning things that I can not process at the moment. However, I do know that this wasn't a one-time thing, I'm his now. Whether I like it or not.

crds to @cafekitsune for the dividers

#yakuza #yakuza 1 #yakuza 2 #yakuza 3 #yakuza 4 #yakuza 5 #yakuza fics #yakuza smut #yakuza4you #majima goro fics #majima goro x you #majima goro smut #majima goro x reader #yakuza majima #goro majima

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aohisworld · 10 months ago

Text

MAGNETIC PULSE! 01

ʚɞ ⁺˖ ⸝⸝ Aohi is signed into a CO-ED contract and meets her future members alongside another female member, but she’s not necessarily welcome..

ʚɞ ⁺˖ ⸝⸝ eventual poly!ot7 x added member!oc. (ri-ki centric). content warnings: bickering, a bit of cursing? a little cringe writing.

| : ̗̀➛ MINTIE’s NOTES: Enhypen was considered a boy group prior to this chapter. Aohi was tied to girl group, XG before Enhypen. (ft. members of XG, other idols.)

| : ̗̀➛ WARNING! How I write ENHYPEN is not meant to portray the idols irl, this is my au and I write this for fun. contains angst and a little bit of bickering/awkward tension.

✧. ┊ ⁭⁭ ⁭ ⁭AOHI wasn't one to be a leader, and she knew that from a very young age. She loved to follow the crowd, keep up with trends and go along with any flow her friends set.

Aohi also knew she was one to set things in stone once planned, she was always ready to do things, anything her friends asked of her or plans they wanted to do, she followed orders, that was her whole thing but..

When Aohi had to face the decision of basically being kicked out of her group, being singled out by the company for reasons she didn't know yet, all she had to work with was her manager's soft and sympathetic gaze on her, and that wasn't much.

The rest of the meeting went through one ear of hers and out the other, I mean, why wouldn't it? Why wouldn't it when the group you trained so hard to join was finally gaining recognition, and only now, did management think you weren't right for the concept and kicked you out?

"I'm really sorry, Aohi. You'll do great things, just... not with us." Yuzi spoke softly, Aohi knew her as one of the higher-ups, her manager's boss.

"But...I worked so hard.." Aohi could only blurt out, standing up from her seat. "It's not that you'll be sent back, Aohi," Yuzi did what she could to cool any emotion down before they could leave Aohi's lips.

"You're just, not the concept we want, not.. now." Yuzi chose her words deliberately as to not spark any unwanted feelings inside of Aohi, Yuzi wasn't a bad person, nor was she heartless, hell, she even treated the entirety of XG as her daughters, so Aohi couldn't be mad.

"What do you want me to do then? Where will I go?"

"You'll be moved into a co-ed project, the higher ups, and Hybe, wanted to create something new, and they picked you, Aohi." Yuzi spilled, reaching over to hold a motherly hand over the young girl's shaking fingers.

"So I'll just be put into a new group? That's it for me?" Aohi asked after a slight pause, her head was in a ramble trying to process the information given to her.

"You'll be put into Enhypen." Yuzi confirmed, Aohi paused for a bit, she was versed in various k-pop groups, being the sole reason on why she was an idol now.

"But isn't that a boy group? Why would they want to turn it into a co-ed project last minute?-" Aohi's eyebrows furrowed as her personal manager finally made a move, placing a hand on Aohi's shoulder as if to tell her to calm down. she had been sitting in the corner for a while, listening in on the conversation.

"Aohi, calm down, okay?" Her personal manager softly whispered, her hand squeezing at Aohi's shoulders, trying to ease the girl into a calmer mindset.

"I don't know-" Yuzi couldn't even continue before Aohi is being sat down by her own manager.

"How could you not know?" She challenged back, her hand retracting from under Yuzi's hold and combing itself through her hair.

"I just don't, Aohi!" Yuzi was starting to get frustrated quickly.

Aohi's questions and irritated feelings was starting to frustrate her as she couldn't explain why, why BE:LIFT decided to pick Aohi, why she had to let her go—

"Listen, you don't have to do it, but it is a choice." Yuzi spoke in a tone that felt finalized, in other words, she was telling Aohi to make a choice.

"I've seen your progress, and I don't want a talented person like you to go back to Fukuoka without a chance." Yuzi continued.

Aohi could only stare back at her, she could feel the shock buzz in her body, her jaw threatening to slack open.

"Aohi, please take this offer, I promise you, it'll be worth it, you won't get far with us, with staying in our company." Yuzi had surrended to begging Aohi.

As a motherly figure, she didn't want Aohi to give up because she wasn't in XG— this whole decision to let her go so that HYBE could bring her up for their co-ed project, was better than any offer they could've gotten for Aohi.

Silence filled the room for a few moments, but to Aohi it felt like forever.

She didn't want to give up easily, XG was her group, she basically grew up with the members like they were her older sisters.

Aohi knew they wouldn't want to see her retreat back to Japan, not when she worked so hard to train to be an idol.

"Well?" Yuzi asked after a moment of silence from Aohi. "Aohi, you have the choice, but you need to make it now."

Aohi's throat felt dry as she wondered, if she returned back to Japan, would her family be disappointed, seeing her come back, not even a year after debuting?—

"Okay, I'll accept the offer."

— It felt unreal, Aohi staring at her old dorm bed, which was hers for not even a year, sitting down on the bare bed, running her hand through it. God, she really didn't want to go— nobody did.

Hinata just watched Aohi silently sit in their bedroom for a while with a heavy heart. If she could just keep Aohi here, with them, she would've.

"Ready to go, batsy?" Hinata's voice broke Aohi out of her thoughts, making the girl look up at one of her sister figures. "Nata-nee, won't you miss me?" Aohi sadly mumbled, looking back down at the bed, still unsure of her decision.

"Aish, just because I'm not crying doesn't mean I'm not sad that you're leaving." Hinata sighed, forcing Aohi to scoot over her bed as she sat beside her.

"You don't know how upset I was when I heard of your termination from XG." She spoke, rubbing gently at the younger girl's shoulder.

"We adore you so much, batsy. You don't even know." Hinata squeezed Aohi's shoulder, feeling her eyes sting at the threat of tears.

"Sometimes, things go this way, and just because we won't be idols together, doesn't mean that's it for you." Aohi looked up at Hinata, sadness evident in her brown orbs.

"What if Yuzi was wrong? What if I'm not well received?" Aohi asked, she felt like she had regressed back to her childish self, asking her older sister things she wasn't supposed to be worrying about.

"Well, then you have us, we'll always be here for you to fall into. We'll be your safety net." Hinata smiled, pinching at Aohi's nose, trying to cheer the younger up.

"Let's go, we've wallowed long enough, it's time, Aohi." Hinata slowly stood up, holding Aohi's hand like a sister would to her younger sibling, squeezing tight in reassurance.

Aohi left the old dorm room, an ache of emotions beating in her chest.

"Aohi, take care of yourself out there, okay?" Harvey approached the young girl.

There was barely any sunshine outside, it was as if the world knew how upset Aohi was, her emotions controlling the weather.

"I don't want you to go, I really don't." Juria said in hushed whispers beside her, hooking her arm around Aohi's tightly, hoping her grip could possibly make Aohi stay.

Juria whispered her words to Aohi because she felt like she would be reprimanded if anyone even heard her loud enough.

"I don't want to, either, Juria." Aohi rubbed her hand in the tired girl's head, trying to comfort her however she could.

Aohi sighed, the girl barely keeping her composure before dropping her grip from her luggage and pulling Juria into her arms, holding each other tightly.

"Be strong, batsy." Harvey approached the two as she placed her arms over their embrace, hugging Aohi and Juria tightly.

It was ironic though, being told to stay strong when Harvey's morning skincare was easily ruined by the salty tears that ran down her face.

"They better treat you well at be-lift." Cocona punched Aohi's exposed shoulder, laughing through her own tears.

The rest of XG joined along, trying to turn the sad moment into a memorable one. They wanted to remember their batsy in good spirits.

It felt like time had fastened for Aohi, because their manager couldn't be any faster when she had entered the girls' shared dorms. Aohi could hear her name being called, a shaky sigh leaving her lips.

Aohi picked up her luggage, trying to pull it out of the dormitory. Their manager offered her help with the bags that didn't fit in the suitcase, throwing it over her shoulder.

As Aohi walked further and further away from the girls, she dreaded leaving the dorms even more, because she knew— she knew that if she steps out, she won't be considered a part of XG anymore.

She'll be leaving her sisters behind. She—

As if her thoughts was easily read by the girls, Jurin called after Aohi one last time. Her sisters called her name. "Aohi!" She swore the world stopped for a moment, just for them.

"You have a home here, with us. If everything gets too much, you can always run to us." Jurin left her with words of reassuring.

Even as Aohi was leaving Jurin's duty to lead, to care for her members— to be a pillar of stability for her sisters, shows.

Aohi let out a breathy laugh, shaking her head. "Always such a leader, Jurin-nee."

AT HYBE HEADQUARTERS, TUESDAY, 9:32 AM—

✧. ┊ ⁭ ⁭ ⁭ ⁭The meeting room could be considered empty the way it was silent, The current members of ENHYPEN had woken earlier than they should be to meet up; per their management's request, to meet the potentially new members of ENHYPEN.

"Are they here yet?" Heeseung grumbled from his seat. A tired Ri-ki was on his shoulder, using his hyung as a pillow to try and catch the hours of sleep he's missing by being at the meeting.

Sunghoon was busy spacing out by his seat, while Sunoo was trying not to doze off in his own chair.

"Just be patient a little longer, boys." Their manager tried to soothe the boys' tired annoyance.

"Sorry, sorry!" An unfamiliar staff member entered into the room, two masked girls entering after them. Heeseung looked up, slightly curious.

He assumed from the way they seem to stick to the staff member, and how their own manager lit up at the sight of them, they must've been the reason for the meeting.

"Took you while enough." The manager glanced at the staff member in charge of the girls. Heeseung wasn't sure what to think of the two girls who huddled together.

Aohi already felt close to her member, well, even if they only met a few minutes ago, it was a few minutes longer than the boys of ENHYPEN. Aohi had gotten to know her unnie’s name, Xiulin.

Xiulin was in a similar situation as Aohi, picked off from a group to join Aohi in the co-ed project, 'How considerate.' Aohi thought at the time, at least she didn't feel like she was alone.

Of course, Aohi felt awful that Xiulin had gone through the same thing, especially when she had heard that her unnie was the leader of her own group.

Aohi could only imagine how Xiulin felt.

"Boys, this is Aohi and Xiulin. They'll be the new additions to Enhypen." The staff's gaze turned from the boys to the girls, Ri-ki and Sunoo were now at full attention, glancing at the girls with an awkward look.

Although, the silence must've been unbearable since after just a minute had passed, the staff ushered any one of the boys to say something.

"Yang Jungwon, it's nice to meet you two.." Jungwon took the first move for the group, bowing professionally before reaching his hands over. A handshake, Jungwon was waiting for a handshake.

Aohi hesitated for a bit, looking anxiously at Jungwon's hand, but before she could even decide to shake his hand, Xiulin reached over and took his hand for her.

"It's nice to meet you, Aohi and I look forward to working with you, please take care of us." Xiulin spoke gently, bowing as she held Jungwon's hand. Aohi could only look in awe and admiration at Xiulin.

Xiulin reminded her so much of Jurin.

Aohi quickly snapped out of her awed gaze before turning towards Jungwon and shaking his hand as well, bowing politely, showing her respect to him.

In Jungwon's head, he kind of thought of Aohi as peculiar, Xiulin had a mature personality and was willing to take over for her members, shaking his hand for Aohi was already proof of that.

Aohi has not spoken a single word since they had seen her, only opting to follow after her unnie, sitting down alongside her.

"So, let's get the gist down for what will be Enhypen's schedule now that Xiulin and Aohi are here—" The manager sat middle of the members.

"Enhypen, was always planned to be a co-ed group. We wondered adding female contestants into I-land, but there was never a right time to introduce them." The manager seemed to open a folder of sorts, Aohi and Xiulin listening intently to her words.

"I'd like to think we were doing well on our own, as a boy-group.." Sunoo softly spoke, looking slightly apologetic to Aohi and Xiulin for his opinion.

To an extent, Aohi understood why Sunoo thought so and his hesitance to the addition of girls into the group.

Aohi knew that if she were on the other side of the meeting table, she would be confused, and even frustrated if XG made member additions, much less of the opposite gender when they were told it was strictly a girl group.

The teenage girl looked around the room, observing the other members of ENHYPEN.

As an idol, it would be embarrassing if she didn't know her future members and their names, so she made the courtesy of at least learning their names and faces.

Aohi's gaze landed on Jake, at least she hoped it was Jake? His features was somewhat displaying a perplexed look, spinning in his chair as he seemed deep in thought.

"Well, yes but— see, the co-ed plan was set before Enhypen was even formed as an idea." The manager replied to Sunoo, making the boy deflate as he leaned back to his seat.

It wasn't a secret that their stay in I-land or anything relating, was exactly fun. It was something the members were unsure to explain.

The boys struggled a lot with trying to debut, their journey was turned into a source of entertainment. It was called a survival show for a reason.

Heeseung seemed to struggle at wrapping his mind around the fact that these girls were just being added, firstly it felt unnecessary, and the girls would just not understand.

Jungwon was more frustrated at the fact that this means the girls would have to debut at a later album and it'll complicate what the group was already working on.

"Do they have to join our group? Wouldn't it be better to place them with a group that'll debut together?" Jake bluntly asked, Aohi couldn't lie and say she wasn't offended, because she was.

Aohi was taken aback by Jake's sudden question, so shocked in fact that she could just feel her jaw slacking before it even attempted to open physically.

"What Jake-hyung meant was that, the girls will struggle with our concept- as well as our fans might not receive them well and—" Sunghoon tried to save face for his hyung in front of the staff members and the girls.

Xiulin stared at Jake offended while Aohi only looked appalled.

"What can you do? I mean, these girls have nowhere else to go but be here." The manager's fingers pointed down at the table, emphasizing her seriousness with the taps to the table.

"Their companies have already terminated their contracts, their idol dreams end here if they don't debut with you boys."

The manager no longer felt lenient with the boys, at first, their manager wanted to be understanding, knowing it was an incredibly big change for both sides.

"We've already debuted a while ago, they'll struggle to keep up." Jay wanted to defend his brother, sitting up in his chair.

"If you think we can't handle it, I assure you Xiulin-unnie and I can keep up." Aohi replied, speaking for the first time after she entered the room. She frankly felt offended that this group, was so against them debuting with ENHYPEN.

"You don't know that." Jungwon retaliated, "You don't know us either." Xiulin countered.

"We both left our groups so we could debut with you, I went through that so I could be here," Aohi sighed, "I understand why you're upset, but I've sacrificed more than what I was willing to give to be an idol and I'm sure Xiulin-unnie had to as well."

Aohi had a determined look in her eyes, it was clear that the girl wasn't going to take no for an answer.

"So I'm going to debut, whether you guys like it or not."

"Fine. If you want to debut, don't expect us to help," heeseung replied after a few moments of silence. "Show us you're worth adding into our group."

"Heeseung! That's not—" Their manager scolded the eldest, Heeseung only glancing at her with a blank look, his gaze returning to Aohi.

Heeseung and Aohi was somewhat stuck in a staring contest, as if trying to test each other's patience.

Aohi could feel her jaw clench at this, just what was this group's problem?!

"We will, just see."

— ENHYPEN APARTMENTS, GIRLS DORMS, 11:18 am—

✧. ┊ ⁭⁭AOHI just met her new bandmates, and they already dislike her. Well, the seven of them, at least. Xiulin seems to like her! She hopes…

Silence filled the new dorms as Xiulin and Aohi unpacked, both girls focused on returning a sense of familiarity in an unfamiliar space.

Aohi tried her best to replicate her old room, using trinkets given by Harvey and Jurin to give her comfort. Aohi sat down on her bed, it was too soft for her liking. She could feel her lips start to tremble when the situation sinked in.

Thankfully, Xiulin noticed before she could say anything.

"Looks good." Xiulin spoke from the other side of the room. Aohi sniffled, looking up as if wondering what she meant.

"Your part of the room. It looks nice." Xiulin repeated.

Aohi stared at her unnie for a second before returning her gaze to her hands, responding. "Thanks."

"Worried?" Xiulin continued, taking her response as a green light that Aohi was up to talking. Xiulin folded her clothes as she spoke, placing it on the side in a neat pile to store for later.

Aohi scoffs at her short question— as if it wasn't obvious. "Is it that obvious?"

"If this is about this morning, I'd rather either of us not worry about it."

Xiulin stood up from her spot, bringing her clothes into the dorm's closet, disappearing for a few minutes.

"Didn't you hear them though? We're on our own, and the first album we release with them will be a disaster." It was Xiulin's turn to scoff, Aohi looking back up at the sound of that. "Don't tell me you believe his bluff."

"How would you know it's bluff?" Xiulin sighs, she knew it like it was the most common thing in the world. "They can't leave us to fend for ourselves, how we perform affects them too."

"If you make a single mistake, or cause a rumour, it'll ruin all of us, not just you."

Aohi furrowed her eyebrows, looking down at her fingers. "Maybe, I'm not cut out for this—" Xiulin laughs, catching the younger girl off guard. "C'mon, don't let those boys scare you, we worked just as hard to get here."

"We got this, don't you worry."

BE:LIFT PRACTICE ROOM, THREE WEEKS LATER, 6:43 PM—

— Aohi loved dancing, sure, she wasn't a prodigy or anything, but her dance style was one to lure you into the performance.

Any concept and she's got you, hook, line and sinker.

For some reason though, Aohi felt like her ability was sucked out of her, the way she couldn't even keep up with the practice Ri-ki and Jake gave her and Xiulin.

"It's not that difficult! Switch your feet and you got it." Jake groans. Xiulin and Aohi have been bickering with Jake for the whole practice. The girls could only feel bad for the maknae, who stared at his hyung with an embarrassed look.

Honestly, it felt like Jake was only ever talking to prod at the two girls.

"We're not even used to the steps yet! Give us time!" Xiulin huffed out, glaring at Jake through the foggy mirror of the room.

"Seriously! We're trying, yelling at us won't magically make us do better!" Aohi followed after Xiulin's words. A small silence washed the room, Jake looking at the two girls with a tired and annoyed expression.

After a bit, Jake just turns away, he runs his hand in his hair, walking away. Ri-ki looked up at Jake, wondering what he was doing.

"They really are trying, hyung.." Ni-ki spoke softly enough for Jake to hear. The youngest was obviously trying to soothe the tension between the new members and his hyung.

"Well, obviously not hard enough." Jake replied, taking one last glance at the girls, who looked appalled at his words. Before either girls could retaliate, Jake leaves the practice room, slamming the door behind him.

Ri-ki could only hope that Jake would return after a breather.

"Gosh! The nerve of that guy!— Whatever, I'm going to steam off!" Xiulin grumbled, standing from her spot on the floor and walking off, slipping out of the dance room.

Only and Aohi and Ri-ki were left alone in the practice room, the tension being replaced with awkwardness. This was the first time Aohi was left alone with her male bandmates without staff.

Aohi only ever spoke to her members when it was necessary. Aohi has never freely chatted with any of the boys, not even the youngest.

Aohi positioned herself from the middle of the practice room, to the sides, sitting down to wait for Xiulin to return. She tried her best to keep her distance from Ri-ki, since she already assumed he wouldn't want to talk to her.

Ri-ki, unsure of what to do, sits beside her, a reasonable feet apart. It was quiet, the hum-buzz of the air conditioning was the only sound accompanying the two.

"I'm sorry about Jake-hyung." Ri-ki softly mumbled towards her, picking at the skin on his nails.

"Why're you apologizing? Unnie and I want to hear it from him." Aohi replied curtly.

Ri-ki sighed at this response. Ri-ki was a very understanding person, he knew why his hyung was so easily frustrated by anything. He also knew that frustration wasn't an excuse to take it out on Aohi or Xiulin.

"Jake-hyung's just upset, he's trying to adjust." Ri-ki felt like he needed to defend Jake first, despite feeling guilty about the way the boys and the girls bickered all of the time.

"And what makes you think we aren't as well?" Aohi poked. "We're already trying our best trying to follow his instructions,"

"It only makes us even more exhausted that he keeps prodding at the little thing we do wrong." Ri-ki listened, turning to Aohi, "And to think we left our groups for this.."

Ri-ki felt like a dim lightbulb went off of his head— ah, he remembers, their first meeting. Ri-ki would've thought that the girls were picked exclusively.

"Which group?" The younger boy softly spoke, trying to change the subject subtly, trying to keep the neutrality of the two people going.

"XG, my sisters. I left XG to be here, so I could debut with you guys." Aohi nodded along with her words, her fingers fiddling with each other in her lap.

"Did you grow up with them?" It was Aohi's turn to look at Ri-ki, the way he looked at her curiously made a ghost of a smile appear on her lips.

"Eung.." Aohi confirmed, "I didn't join XG until I was about sixteen, then I started to train with them." She shrugged, thinking about her earlier years. "I'm sorry you had to leave." Ri-ki expressed, making the girl shrug.

Aohi didn't really expect Ri-ki to apologize, especially when he was one of the only members who didn't argue with her and Xiulin at every chance.

"You don't have to apologize, at least you're nicer than your hyungs, hm?" Aohi mumbled, giving Ri-ki a lopsided smile before tilting her head back, hitting the wall with a thud.

Ri-ki followed suit, turning away and staring straight in front of him.

"Aohi-noona?" She hummed a response, expecting a question. "Yeah?"

"Where did you grow up, you know, with your group?" Ri-ki spoke back, scooting closer to his noona, feeling a bit more comfortable around her.

"Fukuoka, Japan."

"Ah— you're from Japan too?!" RI-ki's face turned from relaxed to shock, almost gaining whiplash at the way his face whipped to look at Aohi.

"I thought you knew, Ri-ki-san." Aohi used an honorific to tease the boy, who just smiled brightly. Ri-ki was happy that he could have someone to talk to, not just in korean.

"I didn't! Now, I really am glad." Ri-ki laughed, "What?— Why?" Aohi laughed back, finding Ri-ki's starstruck eyes pointed at her amusing.

"I just, miss it there. I mean, Jay-hyung speaks Japanese but, it barely lessens the loneliness.." Ri-ki replied, his wide smile morphing to that of melancholy, Aohi could obviously tell that the younger boy was reminiscing in his head.

"I get it." Aohi spoke in a soft tone, one that gave made Ri-ki feel a little less homesick. Aohi approached the boy, before hesitantly wrapping her hand around Ri-ki and gently patting his shoulder.

"I miss my hometown a lot as well, not just in Japan, but in the Philippines as well."

Aohi felt Ri-ki relax in her hold, allowing her to continue. "I had the girls in XG help me with that homesickness, but you—.." Aohi leaned into him, making him move slightly to the side.

Ri-ki just stared beside him, looking at Aohi with a soft look, wondering what the girl could possibly follow up with. "The point is, I don't think I'll be kicked off anytime soon.." Aohi sighed, removing her hand from off of his shoulders.

Ri-ki felt a little sad, slightly missing the warmth her hold had, but it was the less of his worries.

Aohi didn't really know what she was trying to say after that sentence, she wondered if it was better just shutting up.

"I'm saying, I'm here now, so if you feel homesick, at least we can be homesick together.." The girl gently punched at Ri-ki's shoulder, trying to cheer the boy up.

Ri-ki just stared at Aohi in awe, they've only seriously talked, like one other time, and it wasn't even as personal as this, who was this noona to just declare that for him?

He was astonished at the way Aohi just seems to wear her heart on her sleeve.

"You mean that?" Ri-ki hesitantly asked, "Look, we might not know each other much, but I'm serious, especially about that." Aohi replied, in reality, it just really slipped her lips, but she also knew it came from her heart.

Aohi was weak to those who's got similar experiences, and she was always one to mediate and make people feel better.

Ri-ki looked back down at his lap, a shy smile on his lips at the thought of Aohi staying true to her words, someone to talk to when you feel homesick? It gave a Ri-ki a small warmth in his chest, spreading happily throughout his body.

"Hey.." Aohi caught Ri-ki's attention, making him look up. The girl gently offered her closed fist, a truce of some sorts, a fist bump.

Ri-ki happily took the offer, raising his own fist and bump it against hers, their rings clanking against each other, a dull 'clink!' being heard.

"You're not so bad." Aohi amusingly spoke, a soft smile on her face. "And you're really pretty, noona." Ri-ki replied, mirroring Aohi's smile with his own lips.

It was the way Aohi almost choked on her own spit had she not caught herself. "Yah! Ri-ki-san!" Aohi jokingly scoffed, slapping his shoulder, a form of expressing amusement.

"What was that for?"

"I thought I should just let you know, it was a compliment!" Ri-ki giggled, his smile turning from mirroring Aohi's to one of mischief.

"You don't just tell girls they're pretty, Ki-ah." Aohi smoothly used a nickname she made for the younger boy at the spot, making Ri-ki buzz at the new nickname.

"They'll think you're in love with them and then they'll fall in love with you!" Aohi jokingly scolded the younger boy, Ri-ki's cheeks flushing as he realized.

Aohi's cheeks weren't any different though, despite being a rising idol, she still wasn't used to the compliments anyone gave her.

"Well, are you?" Ri-ki asked, his mischevious grin turning to that of a soft happy one. Ri-ki felt relieved to smile like that for a bit, epseically with his hyungs being down in the dumps with the girls.

Aohi snorted, unsure of his seriousness deep inside and deciding to laugh it off.

Suddenly, the easy atmosphere of the practice room was sucked out, when Jake returned, a weird look on his face. Aohi and Ri-ki instantly jumped away from each other, just now noticing their close proximity.

"Manager wants us up." Jake spoke slowly, still suspicious of the two and what he had possibly walked in on.

"Well, that's us," Aohi replied, standing up and dusting off the imaginary dust on her pants.

"C'mon, Ki-ah."

"Ki-ah?" Jake mumbled, his eyebrows furrowed as he stared at Ri-ki and Aohi, just what happened while he was gone that the two were all buddy-buddy?

Ri-ki just nods, standing up as well, using the wall as a support. Aohi looked on with a slight smile on her face, she was satisfied that she didn't have to fight with one of the boys today. (except Jake, of course.)

It meant, to her, that she was making progress, and she was happy with that.

Aohi hopes that Ri-ki's friendliness wouldn't last just for that day, because she intends to keep her promise to Ri-ki, and it can't happen if they're going back to being awkward.

She walks towards the door, bag in hand as Ri-ki tailed after he like a puppy. Ri-ki and Aohi left that room giggling with each other like the teens they were.

Jake just looked at the pair, tilting his head like a confused dog.

For once, Aohi thinks, that maybe, just maybe, the boys could learn to accept her.

#˚₊‧꒰ა ☆ ໒꒱ ‧₊˚ 𝑻𝑯𝑰𝑺 𝑰𝑺 𝑨𝑶𝑯𝑰!#enhypen ot7 #enhypen 8th member #enhypen x oc #enha x oc #enhypen #enhypen added member #enhypen au #enhypen fic #enhypen extra member #enhypen female oc #enhypen eighth member #enhypen addition #enhypen oc

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anthemofgvf · 1 year ago

Text

Behind Closed Doors: Jake Kiszka x Reader Fanfiction

Part Seven

description: when your best friend asks for a favor, that being having his twin move in with you, you're hesitant. you've never really liked him, but you are struggling to meet your rent, so you oblige. who knew with time that you would become more upset with his presence, or upset with the fact you have underlying feelings for him that you don't want to face?

-the masterlist for this series-

trope: enemies to lovers x roommates au!

warnings for this series: alcohol and tobacco usage, explicit content (18+, minors dni), angst, swearing

word count: 6.2k

. ⋅ ˚̣- : ✧ : – ⭒ ⊹ ⭒ – : ✧ : -˚̣⋅ .

As soon as Jake shut the door behind him, you held your breath for a moment. You watched as the lock turned and clicked into place and listened to the mute sounds of his boots trotting off out of the apartment complex. You exhaled heavily, bracing yourself onto the counter with your hands on the edge of it, your back arched away from it, and your head held up to the ceiling. So much had happened in 15 minutes, and you were still trying to comprehend it.

He completely shed himself to you. The vulnerability of his heart and feelings were on full display for you only, and you felt relieved that he had felt the same way you did all along. You beat yourself up a bit for being so selfish towards him, malicious and cruel. But that was in the past now, and he had forgiven you with a kiss to signify his infatuation.

You went through your routine of getting ready for the day: eating, taking a shower, doing your makeup, and dressing up into your work uniform. Your emotions were conflicting; you wanted to smile and be happy about relieving some of the tension between you two. But he was gone now, and you had to wait two months to feel his touch again. To feel his lips crash into yours. To smell his natural musk. To be held in his arms. To simply be intimate with him.

It was an odd feeling that brewed in your stomach, making you feel empty where you should feel full. The equation of you two was solved yet put on pause temporarily. At least you knew it was because you already missed him, and not because you regretted kissing him.

As soon as you got into work, you looked for Stacie. You always made sure she was scheduled when you were (the perks of being a manager), and you were ready to update her on the news.

"Y/n!" She called for you from the back, running to you with open arms and squeezing you tightly.

You had taken some time off work to spend more time with Jake. Thankfully, your job believed your fake excuse of grieving a loss of a family member. It was half true, though; you were grieving the loss of Jake for a period of time while he was here. The inevitable you thought you were prepared for, yet you weren't.

You huffed out a laugh as she bounced with you in her arms, patting her back to let her know you appreciated the affection. She pulled away with a gleaming smile, but it began to fade once she noticed your loss of expression.

"What happened? What did Jake do to you?" She kept her hands on your back and searched for an answer by flicking between both of your eyes.

You sighed, laughing once more to yourself to contain your bitter sadness that wretched at your heart. "Oh, he didn't do anything to me. He just...left. Left for tour."

You gave her a nod, and her lips pursed into a pout.

"Not taking it well?" She cocked her head to the side, as her face softened into sympathy.

You exhaled quickly. With a shake of your head, you said, "not really."

You opened your mouth to speak again with hesitation. Of course, you wanted to tell her, but there was still a lot to process on your end.

"He, um, kissed me before he left. He poured out his feelings onto me in a ramble, and I told him how I felt, blah blah blah. And, then we kissed. I mean, it was passionate, meaningful- not something you'd think would happen when kissing him. I used to think he was so pretentious, vain - all of that self-centered shit. But the way he looked at me, the way he held me and told me how much he cared about me not only with words but with...a kiss. I'm still sitting with all of this, Stace." You said to her.

Her mouth hung agape. She stuttered for a few moments before being able to form a proper sentence. "D-did he just leave? Did this just happen, y/n?"

You nodded vigorously. "Yeah, like an hour or so ago. I didn't realize how us admitting our feelings for each other and then sealing it with a kiss would make him leaving for tour so much worse. I'm still in shock, frankly," you exhaled an airy laugh, "but I guess it just comes to show that you don't realize how much you're going to miss someone until they're gone."

You felt like you were being dramatic. As if you shouldn't have been missing him this much. You were able to call him, text him whenever you wanted to. He was going to return, but the time in between that seemed like it would be longer. Uncertainty of what would happen while he was gone, like if he'd hook up with any girls that came his way. He wasn't tied down to you, but it felt like he was fully committed to you by the way he spoke to you.

"I'm so sorry," she gave you another hug, rubbing your back and pulling away from you to continue her small speech, "I mean, at least he's coming back, right? He's not moving out or anything. It gives you something to look forward to when he comes back, right? You two getting to see each other after so long; it's going to be electric. And, hey, modern technology allows us to talk to those who are far away. Shoot him a text, maybe call him after work. I'm sure he misses your voice."

You nodded to her, running your hands over your hair and smoothing it out as you tied it into a high ponytail. "Yeah, I think I will. I've still got to tell Josh, who I'm sure has already heard from Jake, but I think it'd mean more to him that I told him. He loves gossip."

You both laughed at your words. Josh always loved insights on your love life, and an insight on your regular life itself. He cared about that kind of thing, and always wanted to make sure you were secure.

"Gonna tell him after work?" She asked you, walking away to the front to begin a day of work.

"Think so. Have to see what he's doing. He's working on a film right now, so his schedule has been a bit tight." You nodded to her. "But I might call Jake first. Guess we'll have to see which twin I talk to first, huh?"

"That's a sentence I never thought you would say." She laughed. "It's funny how things change. I remember you being so dead set on hating Jake for the time he lived with you. Now, it seems like you want him to live with you forever."

You pushed her shoulder with a laugh. "I can't believe I was so spiteful to him. I truly just needed to give him a second change and get over myself. Things work out for the best sometimes, huh?"

You remembered the conversation you and Jake had when driving to the party.

"Well, and then one day, when you make enough rockstar money, you'll move out into a huge mansion. Or, a humble home, whatever floats your boat, I suppose."

And you didn't process what he said until now.

"Kind of like having you as my roommate. Maybe I'll just live with you forever until you kick me out."

This was hitting you hard, like a collision head-on. You needed to work and focus on the one thing that would usually ease your mind from what your life was like outside of the coffee house.

. ⋅ ˚̣- : ✧ : – ⭒ ⊹ ⭒ – : ✧ : -˚̣⋅ .

When you finished work for the day and arrived at home, you checked your phone to see a text message from Jake.

"Might have already eaten all the brownies. Don't worry, the other guys helped me out. Thank you for making them for me, I appreciate it. Hope work was okay, X."

You smiled at your phone, tugging at your bottom lip and feeling grateful for his text. Before you began to type, you looked down the hall from the kitchen where you stood and decided to go into his room. Sure, you had been in there before, but only when he had occupied it.

You shoved your phone into your pocket and saw the floors clear of his guitars. His closet was open, and half empty from his clothes. A lot of the jewelry he brought was gone, along with a multitude of shoes. It didn't feel like he lived here with you anymore, because his personality seemingly left the room.

You reached for your phone as you sat on his bed and texted him back.

"Glad you and the boys enjoyed the brownies. Work was good, but my mind was kind of everywhere. Call me when you can! I'd like to hear about tour life so far, although it's barely been a day." You responded back and shut off your phone. You looked around Jake's room once more, as it was making you depressed staying in the room that was too quiet for your liking and left to your bedroom.

You washed yourself free of the coffee house, changing into clothes suitable enough to wear outside in the bitter cold, as you planned to see Josh today. You had texted him earlier while you were on break to ask if he was free later tonight but had yet to receive a response. He wasn't a great texter, so whether he was busy or not, you were sure he'd just call instead to respond.

Silence used to soothe you. You used to adore a quiet apartment; a calm environment free of distractions. But when Jake had moved in, that original opinion was flipped around. You missed the faint sound of him playing guitar in his bedroom, humming to himself and pausing his playing to probably write a lyric down. The sounds of him shuffling around in his room. His footsteps that creeped to your room and would knock on your door to come bother you. Of course, you enjoyed his company now, but you wished you hadn't been so defensive of your space for as long as you were. So much missed time that you rid because of your hatred of him and trying to make up that time within a few weeks. It wasn't enough time, and you were just hoping that time would forgive you and allow you to be more comfortable with his absence.

Eventually, Josh called you and told you he would stop by to keep you some company later that night. You were grateful that the apartment wouldn't be so quiet anymore, and he was going to bring his big personality over to cheer you up. You hadn't told him what happened, nor did he tell you that he knew of anything, so whatever tonight would bring was a mystery to you.

To kill time, you cleaned your entire apartment. Wiping off the counters and cabinets, cleaning the bathrooms, dusting everywhere that you believed needed to be. You made the decision of playing Jake's EP while you cleaned, which helped you daydream that he was still there with you. You even let yourself close your eyes and imagine him playing in front of you, singing to you in a serenade manner.

You even reminisced on a memory that you two held while he was still here. You both were at your apartment in his room, sitting on his bed, and it did involve his guitar. He was playing you the song you heard him sing when you first saw him perform, which was "Wonderful Tonight" by Eric Clapton. Thinking on that fond memory now made you realize that the song had meaning. He was singing it for you, and the song was a translation of his feelings. God were you oblivious sometimes.

You clapped and howled after he finished the last chord, watching as his face became a hue of pink and wearing a bashful smile.

"Encore, encore!" You beamed.

"I'm a bit played out, sunshine." He said as he set his guitar down onto the bed behind the two of you.

You rolled your eyes. "Will you ever give that nickname a rest? It's corny, Jacob."

He bit back a smile. "Will you ever stop calling me Jacob?"

You raised your brows. Your lips downturned into a smile, sucking your cheek and shaking your head. "If you stop calling me sunshine, I'll stop using your government name. How's that?"

He nodded, holding his hand out. "That's a deal, y/n."

You grasped his hand with a giggle, shaking it and holding your hand in his for a moment. It was coarse, with his calloused fingertips caressing the back of your hand. How could rough hands feel so soft and welcoming?

You pulled your hand from his, setting it on your lap and looking to him. "You know, for someone who says they don't rehearse often, you sure like to play your guitar a lot."

"There's a difference between rehearsing and just playing to make sure you're keeping your skills up to date. Do you expect me not to play?" He said with a hint of a smile.

"Was just a bit confused, that's all." You shrugged. "How come you don't have a show here in Nash? I assumed you'd book a venue here for tour."

"We want to do a show here separately from tour. Like, a more intimate setting, you know? It's going to be far out from the tour, so fans can come see me if they please."

"Fans are traveling all around the world for you, huh? Got some groupies, Jake?"

He chuckled at your words. "I'm-no, no y/n," he continued his laughter, "I'm not the type to do that kind of stuff anymore. You grow out of it, I guess? I'm not a hormonal teenager anymore, believe it or not. Don't think that aspect of a rockstar life is for me. Sure, flirting is fun, but it's mainly harmless." He gave you a shrug.

"Does that mean if I become a fan, you'll flirt with me more than you used to?"

"Who knows. Guess you're just going to have to find out, huh?"

You took in a breath, pressing your lips together to contain a smile and giving him a nod. You felt your cheeks burn, running to your ears and creating a fire on the entirety of your face.

"I think I'm going to head to bed before you start something you can't finish." You pointed at him, standing up and walking to the door.

You turned to him and noticed his eyes lingering on you. You considered that he was watching you walk away. Maybe his eyes trailed to your ass in your tight sweatpants, but all you did was tell him "Goodnight" and put that thought at ease.

What shot you out of your daydream was your phone vibrating on the counter, and you turned swiftly to the device and picked it up.

"You on your way, Josh?" You said into the phone.

"Actually, I am here, y/n. Decided to drop by a bit early since we wrapped up on set faster than I expected. Mind letting me in?"

"Yeah, see you in a second." You said and hung up the phone.

You walked out of your apartment and opened the door to the complex for him, rushing him inside as you bounced up and down from the biting wind that nipped at your covered legs and face. He was sure to be quick inside, and you had a full body shiver as you closed the door.

He took off his coat and gestured it to you, but you pushed it away with a smile as you felt yourself warming up.

"Good to see you." He smiled at you, placing his hand on your back and rubbing it gently. "How's the day been treating you?"

"Did you hear from Jake?" You said to him.

You opened your door and let him walk in first, and he began to kick off his shoes and place his coat on the rack that sat by your door.

His lips were pressed together, and he gave you a shake of his head. "No, why? What happened?"

"Seriously? Does your brother tell you nothing these days?" You followed him into your living room and plopped onto the couch.

He sat down next to you, throwing one arm over the back of the couch and waiting for you to speak.

You sighed and tried to think of where to begin. "Well, I guess the major event of the day was that he admitted his feelings for me, and we kissed."

Josh's eyes lit up, and with a sharp gasp, he leaned in towards you with excitement. He blinked a few times in astonishment. For a moment, he couldn't formulate words. Usually, he was never speechless, but guess it could be because nothing has shocked him this much.

"I can't believe that fucker didn't tell me! Holy shit! How do you feel?" His words tumbled out of his mouth quickly.

You laughed at him. Composing yourself, you continued.

You told him about your excitement about it all, and the relief you felt. Then, you gave him the backstory of the lead up to the kiss, and he listened intently.

"You make him nervous? You're a special woman, y/n. Rarely does he ever get nervous. He's always been a confident guy. I knew he had feelings for you, but he never really dug into the root of it."

"You knew he had feelings for me, and you didn't tell me?" You yelled with a smile, swatting his arm and looking at him with a playful, stern glare.

"Y/n, I told you the moment you called me about him moving in. I told you he's always had feelings for you, and you said that all he wanted from you was one thing. You refused to believe me, so I let it take its course. Besides, it's not my place to get involved." He explained to you.

And he was right. He did in fact tell you that Jake had feelings for you before moved in and you were finalized on your decision. And he even predicted you turning your feelings around for him.

"He likes you, y'know."

"Well, I predict that your mind will change with time. Perhaps, you know, him moving in with you and the both of you creating a bond... It's a perfect story line, in my opinion."

"I am so fucking oblivious sometimes," you slapped your hand against your head, "but I guess I should thank you for not getting too involved. We worked things out on our own."

He nodded with a hum. "Well, have you talked to him? How are you taking the whole tour and him being gone?"

"We texted earlier, and I asked him to call me when he could. I assume he's busy, so I don't expect a call anytime soon. But I do miss him a lot. I guess the whole thing that happened today really just fucked with my head, in a good way, of course. I'm glad he didn't wait, because then I would've been left with overthinking about everything that has happened between us, you know?"

"I'm guessing you're not enjoying the quiet apartment, huh? Noticed you have Jake's EP on your record player." He nodded towards the open case, then flashing his eyes at the sleeve that laid on the coffee table in front of you two. "It's hard to be away from someone that you've grown so fond over, huh?"

"Yeah," you breathed, "I sort of feel like I miss him too much."

"I think your feelings are absolutely valid, y/n. I mean, he rambled a whole uncomposed monologue to you about how he felt, then left you with a kiss. That's kind of hard to just breeze through and not give much thought." He reached his hand to your shoulder and gave it a rub.

You nodded at him. You were unsure of what to say to him, so you averted your gaze and allowed that familiar silence to roam the air and consume the atmosphere. Only for this moment did you enjoy the silence, because it gave you a second to remember how Jake's lips felt on yours, and how he held you.

"Already feeling a bit lonely, huh?" Josh said to you.

You looked to him. "Is that bad?"

He chuckled and shook his head. "No, of course not. Do you want some company for the night? I know I'm not Jake, but we kind of resemble each other."

You gave him an affectionate smile as you huffed a soft laugh at him. "I would really appreciate that. You sure, though? Don't you have a lot of work to do?"

"I don't go on set until later in the day. Tomorrow is another night shoot, so I've got the day to kill. Let's just watch some movies until we pass out, yeah?" He asked.

"That sounds really fucking nice. I'll make some popcorn, and let you pick out the movies, Mr. Director." You poked at him.

"I have a few good movies in mind that I'm sure you haven't seen." He pointed at you with a wiggle of his brow, grabbing the remote off the coffee table and turning the TV on.

You stood up and walked into the pantry, finding a few packets of popcorn and grabbing a bowl from your cabinet. You set one of the packets into the microwave and let the kernels pop.

"Does this mean I'm going to be getting a personal commentary the whole time?" You said as you walked into the living room.

"Would this be a movie night with me if I didn't talk over the movie at least once?" He turned to you with a smirk.

You sat onto the couch and gave him a shrug. "I always assumed you would be absolutely mute during movies."

"Only certain ones. But some of the movies I have picked out for tonight need a bit of explanation of some kind. They twist at your mind." He pointed to his temple and tapped at it and began the first movie.

While the movie played, you made a few runs to the kitchen to finish popping the rest of the popcorn for you two and finally bringing a large bowl full of the buttery snack for you both to enjoy. You had it set on your lap and curled up next to Josh, as there wasn't any issue with physical contact between you two. Neither of you saw each other in a non-platonic light, as it's always been a great friendship where both of you were comfortable being close to each other. You were thankful to have a friend like Josh, and to know someone so caring.

. ⋅ ˚̣- : ✧ : – ⭒ ⊹ ⭒ – : ✧ : -˚̣⋅ .

As the next movie played, Josh decided to be a bit quieter this time round and allow you to enjoy the movie. While it played, your phone rang in your pocket of your sweatpants, and you dug it out to see who was calling you. Of course, like you expected, it was Jake.

"Do you want me to pause the movie?" Josh asked you.

"No, keep watching it. I'll be back." You said, setting the near empty bowl of popcorn onto his lap and answering the call as you trotted off into your bedroom.

"Hi, Jake." You said to him as you closed your door behind you.

"Did you miss me?" He asked you.

"Back to your cocky self, huh?" You giggled with an eyeroll. You folded one arm over your body as you walked around your room.

"Was just making sure that you weren't too comfortable with my absence. In case you wanted to know, I miss you already."

You tugged at your lip. "I guess I miss you a little." You said playfully.

"Just a little? Didn't get that impression when you texted me to call you when I could."

You giggled. There was that old Jake, the one that you knew to be so confident in himself. It was good to know he was back to his old ways, but not in an annoyingly arrogant way. His nerves were soothed now that he knew you had feelings for him, too.

"Alright, so I miss you a good amount. Is that what you want to hear?"

There was a pause, but only for a moment. You heard him exhaled a staggered breath.

"Yeah, I do. Good to know you miss me, too."

There was a beat before he began to talk again.

"So, how's it going? Not getting too lonely, right?"

"Josh is over right now. We're watching a few movies, and he plans on staying over for the night." You sat yourself on the edge of your bed, throwing your legs onto the mattress and lying flat on your back.

"I'm glad he's keeping you company." He said to you.

"Did you guys get to the first stop yet?" You asked him.

"Yup. We made it to Indianapolis pretty late, so we're all in our hotel rooms right now. Kind of glad I don't have to sleep on the tour bus when we're not driving."

"Is the first show tomorrow? Are you excited?"

"Yeah, I am. It's kind of bizarre that there are people coming to see me perform, instead of seeing an opening act along with me. It feels good, like a confidence boost."

"As if you needed one." You huffed a laugh, to which he matched.

"It still feels nice!" He laughed. "But I do wish you were here with me. Sucks you have to work. Hopefully eventually you'll be able to come tour with me."

"I think I'd have to take a leave of absence to be able to do that, but hey, it's doable. Thinking about it now, it sounds fun. I'd get to travel for free while supporting you. It's a win-win." You said.

"You're just now thinking about me?"

"I've been thinking about you all day, Jake." You rolled your eyes with a smile. "You must really like hearing me talk about how much I miss you."

"Because I do. I wish you were here with me right now."

Your heart banged against your chest. The flirting that you had barely had time for when he was here was occurring now, and although you couldn't see his face, his voice was right into your ear. You squeezed and rubbed your legs tightly together, due to when he spoke, it was lustful. Frankly, both you and him knew that if he didn't have to leave, you two wouldn't have stopped kissing each other.

He continued. "You know that if I had more time with you before I left, or maybe just fessed up sooner, I would've made sure to savor our time together in a more intimate way." He spoke slowly.

"How so, Jake?" You said, pressing your thighs tightly together again to relieve some friction that you needed. You knew what he was insinuating, and you hoped he would continue.

"Fuck," he breathed, "are you sure I'm not taking time away from you? I know Josh is over."

"No, it's fine. I told him everything, so he's well aware that I'm going to be on the phone for a bit." You reassured him. You weren't going to end this phone call high and dry.

"Okay," he said, "well, for one, I want you to use your hands as a replacement of my own as I tell you what I want to do to you. What I am going to do to you the moment I see you again. Now, close your eyes for me, pretty girl."

You put your phone in the crook of your neck, leaning your phone into your ear and laying your hands on your stomach. You shut your eyes and imagined him there in front of you, as you figured that is why he asked you to do so. "Keep talking, Jake."

"I'd want to touch you everywhere, y/n. Not miss a spot on your body. Praise you, make you feel good. I'd trail my hand from the side of your face to your neck, dragging it down to your tits."

You followed his motions, using one hand to caress the side of your face, and drag it down to the cave of your breasts. You brought your other hand under your shirt, slowly creeping it up as he continued to speak.

"And of course, my mouth would explore your body, but" he chuckled, "for now, hands will do. I'd squeeze at your nipples and massage your tits."

You did as he said, exhaling a quiet sigh as you rolled your left nipple in your pointer and thumb, and massaging your other breast. You heard his choked breaths, assuming he was stroking himself, which turned you on more. You were saddened you couldn't see the sight unfold in front of you, but hearing every sound he uttered made up for it.

A long sigh was breathed into the phone on his end, which made you bite back a moan that bubbled in your throat.

"I'd then take your pants off." He said, and you quickly tugged them off and left them at your ankles with your underwear. You spit on your fingers in anticipation. "And I would be buried in between your thighs, licking at your clit."

You circled at the area, moaning into the phone quietly as a sign you were doing as he said. He groaned harshly, letting a few swears pass through his lips.

"Touching yourself like a good girl?" He asked you, even though he knew the answer.

"Yes, fuck." You whined into the phone. "Please, keep talking, Jake."

"God, I love talking you through this," he groaned, "just know I'm going to do all of this to you when I get home. Worship your fucking body, touch and kiss you everywhere I can. Make you feel so...fucking good, y/n."

You tugged at your lip, nervous that your moans would grow loud for Josh to hear. But you kept them quiet enough to be heard into the phone, and not echo onto the walls of your bedroom.

"While my tongue is on your pussy, I'd finger you slowly. Want this to last." He said to you. "Only one finger, though, babe. I'll tell you when you can add another, okay?"

You kept your fingers on your clit and managed to move your other hand around your other, sliding in one finger and curling it upon entrance. Your mouth opened as you felt your finger hit your sweet spot inside of your walls, and feel it effortlessly slide in and out of you. A high-pitched sigh escaped your lips, to which Jake groaned at.

"Keep making those pretty noises for me, y/n. And keep fingering yourself like the good girl you are."

You continued the motions, keeping true to his word and moving your finger slowly inside of you. You lazily circled your clit, as you didn't want to drive yourself to your orgasm just yet. Moans of ecstasy roamed into the phone, and they only continued to fumble out of your mouth when you heard him. If you listened closely, you could hear his hand sliding on his length at a steady pace and that had you wanting to throw your head back into the pillow.

"Go ahead and add a second finger for me and speed up your movements. You're doing so good for me, y/n."

You did as he demanded, and you bit down at your bottom lip with a whine.

"Fuck, Jake," you whimpered, "feels so fucking good."

"God, I wish I could see you right now," he sighed, "I'm sure you look so pretty touching yourself."

You let out a light giggle, grinding your hips into the motion of your fingers and leaving your mouth dropped open.

"I don't know how long I'm going to last like this, y/n. Go faster babe, I want you to cum with me."

Your eyes were squeezed shut as you let your fingers pump in and out of you and a merciless pace. Your movement on your clit had faltered, because you were so focused on your fingers hitting the one spot inside of you that was the key to your orgasm, and you began to feel the coil in your stomach tighten.

"Are you close, Jake? I'm so, so close." You whined breathlessly, making sure to keep your voice low for only his ears to hear.

"God, yes. I'm gonna cum, y/n. Keep talking to me. I love the sound of your fucking voice." He said, and it sounded like he said it with gritted teeth.

You were quick on your feet with what you would say to him. "Wanna feel you inside of me, Jake. I've waited so long for it and God do I want it badly." You moaned.

"So perfect for me, aren't you?" He said with a rushed tone. "Fuck, I'm cumming. Come on, y/n, cum with me." He said harshly.

You focused on your fingers and the sound of his choked breath as his release spewed out, and you felt your own overtake your body. A full body shiver entrapped you on your bed, with your back arching and your thighs trembling around your fingers. You held back a loud whine, closing your mouth and humming it behind your lips.

You caught your breath as you heard him catch his own, removing your fingers from yourself, putting your sweatpants and underwear back on, and getting up to clean off your hand and yourself. Your knees were slightly weak, so you were steady walking into your bathroom.

"Fuck, you okay?" He said breathlessly to you.

You closed the bathroom door and put him on speaker phone as you washed your hands. "Yeah, yeah I am. Don't think I've ever had phone sex before."

He huffed a laugh. "Glad I could be your first."

You smiled at your phone, cleaning yourself off and putting him back to your ear as you turned off the speaker button.

"I do miss you, you know. After all of this, I'd just want to be in bed next to you."

You rubbed your lips together and let another smile invade your lips. "I want that, too. Only two more months left." You said with a huff.

"It sounds longer than you think. I'm sure it'll fly by, and I'll be back before you know it."

"I sure hope so. It's barely been a day and I can't even imagine how I'm going to feel a week from now, let alone a month. But I'll get over myself. As long as you keep me updated and talk to me every now and then."

"I'll try talking to you as much as I can, y/n. Don't worry. But I should let you get back to your time with Josh, and I should catch some sleep. I'll talk to you tomorrow, okay?"

You began walking to your door and let your hand rest on the handle. "Okay, sleep well. Goodnight, Jake."

"Goodnight, y/n." He said to you and hung up the phone.

You walked out slowly, and looked to see if Josh was awake. The bowl of popcorn was on the table, and his head was rolled back on the couch with his eyes closed. You laughed to yourself and grabbed a throw blanket from the side of the couch that you had abandoned throughout the movie night. You tucked yourself in next to him, throwing the cloth over you two, and resting your eyes.

. ⋅ ˚̣- : ✧ : – ⭒ ⊹ ⭒ – : ✧ : -˚̣⋅ .

It had been almost two weeks since that day. You and Jake talked nearly every day, either before one of his shows, or while he was on the road. If you two weren't texting, he was calling you. You both even indulged in Facetiming each other, and it was nice to see his face after a while. You two had your fair share of phone sex once or twice, but neither of you wanted to make that a main priority. You both wanted to make sure that what you had wasn't about lust, but heartfelt feelings and pure romance.

It helped that you talked to him a lot, and although you still missed him, it helped to hear his voice and see his face. He showed you some pictures from the places he traveled, different sights that he had been to and some photos of the venues he got to perform in. Sure, they were small, but he told you they were nearly packed every night. You believed him and were also beyond proud of his accomplishments.

Now, all you had left to do was wait for his return. Sure, that's what you've been doing, but after two days, it really set in that you'd have to wait longer to see him in person again. You figured long distance would be hard, but thankfully, it wasn't too difficult. You were just thankful that he was returning home to you, and not to anyone else.

. ⋅ ˚̣- : ✧ : – ⭒ ⊹ ⭒ – : ✧ : -˚̣⋅ .

-part eight-

series taglist: @jakekiszkasmommy @anythingforjtk @gold-mines-melting @twistedmelodies @ageofhearingloss @classicsneverdie @lmaooharry @raviolilegs @mydarlingdanny @iheartjakekiszka @edtvdf @ohgodthefeeling-gvf @gvf23 @flo-gvf @madneedshelp @carlyfleet @pinkunicornsandbluecows @joshysgirl @jasminesworldd @alwaysonthemend @jakekiszkapunchmeintheface @takenbythemadness @jaketlove @starcatcher-jake @hi-hi-hello11 @amygvf13 @alyson814 @char289 @becinabubblegvf @worldsgayestbonenerd @intoth3ether @m0uthfl13s @klarxtr

other tags: @songbirds-sweet @sacredjake @mountain-in-springtime @ignite-my-fire @gvfsstardust @jakesguitarsolo @fallonfatality @digitalcalamity @demolitionndann @lipstickitty @lexii-nv-c @joopsworld @gvfpal @hellowgoodbye @writingcold @loverleaverslayerbeliever @stardustcatcher @absolutely--mental @hippievanfleet @haileygvf @gretasfallingsky @dont-go-home-without-me @beckahvanfleet @threadthatssacred @indigofallingsky @audgeppp @sinarainbows @brujamagik @bowievanfleet @sam-i-am-20 @laneygvf @psychedelicsprinkles @malany-gvf @idontlikelizards @josh-iamyour-mama @julihurrr @starshine-wagner @lyndz2names @jaketswine @jjwasneverhere @interstellar-shores

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dynamightmite · 8 months ago

Note

What are your thoughts on Izuku lately. Is he alright? I have read other people being unsatisfied with how he has been in this last arc about his relationship with All Might and Katsuki.

I got this ask a few days ago and I wanted to spend a little time thinking about it, because, well, there's a lot of moving parts to my opinions regarding Izuku/Katsuki/All Might and I needed to try an sort them out. This will still probably be kinda long and rambly, though, sorry lol.

To start with, I understand why a lot of people were frustrated by the jump from chapter 423 to 424, and a lot of it has to do with this chapter confirming that Shigaraki's dead, which, understandably, pissed off a lotta readers. It's also pretty jarring to go from THE CLIMAX to... a week later in a hospital. And for people who are not super attached to the Katuski-Izuku dynamic, the emotional, wholesome childhood friend scene is just not what they wanted to see anyway.

On the other hand, from a purely utilitarian perspective as a writer, I totally get why Horikoshi felt he needed to show the audience, that, hey guys! The main character is still alive, here's the state of his quirk! Because based on the reactions of some people, if we don't immediately see a character after they get wounded, they are super dead. No other option, time to riot! Like no offense to the everyone who's been panicking about the League, but Dabi is not dead. That man is a fucking COCKROACH, he's literally fine. And Toga just got, like, a little exsanguinated. That's nothin' in shounen terms.

HOWEVER, I do agree with some of the complaints about the overall timing. I think there maybe needed to be more of a buffer between this chapter and the last, to help pad out Izuku's reactions to just, y'know, kinda killing a guy. Possibly also showing other parts of the cast/story, although I don't necessarily know that jumping to, for example, focus on the League immediately after would have been the right move either. And, like I said, it's not especially weird for a narrative to jump from the end fight to pay attention to the main character. That is... such an inoffensive choice to make with the plot to the point that it's almost expected. But yeah, with a little more time to emotionally process before showing it, I think people would not be upset about the contents of this chapter nearly as much.

Because the scene with Katsuki and Izuku was like... super predictable. None of the things they said to each other were surprising or out of character, and this moment has been built up to for-fucking-ever. Katsuki, needy bastard that he is, running to yell and cry at Izuku about being rivals forever? Izuku wailing KACCHAN while also crying and insisting that he's fine etc, etc? I have no complaints about any of that in terms of content.

I have seen a few complaints about the Izuku-Katsuki dynamic stifling Katsuki's personal arc, which. I mean, I can't tell anybody how to feel, but I don't really feel like the criticisms I've personally seen were something to take seriously. Because Katsuki, singularly, was an inspiration. To his class (who lead the search for Izuku and brought the class together?), to the previous generation of heroes (All Might, Best Jeanist, FUCKING EDGESHOT???? WHO GAVE YEARS OFF HIS LIFE BECAUSE HE BELIEVED IN KATSUKI'S HEROISM AND SACRIFICE AND WAS INSPIRED BY HIM????), and to the general public (Horikoshi did put in those shots of all the random bg characters and characters we met from other arcs for a reason). He protected Izuku, he fought with him side-by-side, he acknowledged the help other characters gave him (Shoto and his ice ramp sob). His arc has followed the path that Horikoshi has been laying out for years and years. And it's fine if you don't like the arc that Horikoshi chose for him! But it is internally consistent. Even I have some superficial complaints about some of the specifics, but broad strokes? I'm quite happy.

In regards to Izuku and his personal arc... some of it's hard to comment on because the story's still not over. Like. IF my assumptions about the overall intentions behind Shigaraki's death are correct, the narrative will clarify as such through Izuku's actions and emotional state.

And, based on chapter 424, there's already some seeds of Shigaraki's death really affecting Izuku long-term.

Idk man, does this really look like Izuku isn't struggling with what's happened? That he is totally cool with Shigaraki dying? Do you really think he isn't conflicted at all?

Frankly, Izuku being conflicted is quite possibly the most normal, reasonable response for him to have. I've always loved the idea of future Izuku and Shigaraki reaching out and bonding after the war, so some of this is directed at myself, but... there's no real basis for the idea that Izuku has any extremely personal, loving connection to Shigaraki. It isn't like with Touya and Shoto, who have a wildly personal, intimate connection. The only times Izuku and Shigaraki interacted, Shigaraki was either actively attacking Izuku or threatening to kill him T_T it isn't weird that Izuku isn't especially fond of Shigaraki as a person. He kidnapped Kacchan! He tried to kill Izuku! He tried to kill basically everyone Izuku knows and loves! HE BLEW UP HALF OF JAPAN?! It is absolutely normal for Izuku to not, y'know, be especially fond of the guy as an individual.

But also... he did kill Shigaraki. The person he was so dedicated to saving, he was willing to give up his hands, his life. And yet, those were his hands that ultimately (with Shigaraki's spirit help) killed Shigaraki's body, even if it was being possessed by AFO at the time. And I don't think he wanted to kill Shigaraki. I don't think he wanted to kill anybody! And if I'm right, the epilogue arc is going to uphold that pain, and use it to fuel Izuku and his desire to change the future of society.

IF Horikoshi is going for Shigaraki as a martyr who died and it was a tragedy that we, the audience, are supposed to be heartbroken about, then I expect him to continue the story with the idea that, just like it's a tragedy that Shigaraki died, it is a goddamn tragedy that Izuku was put in a position where he had to choose between saving the life of someone he wanted to save and stopping AFO from killing everyone. He is sixteen years old! He shouldn't be making a choice like that, and it is a travesty that he was forced to! That he was the only person capable of making that choice. He is a kind, caring, scared kid who just killed somebody. I want him to feel betrayed, even if he doesn't quite know how to express it. I want him to grieve. I want him to actively work towards a tomorrow where nobody gets put in Shigaraki's position OR HIS ever again. Because it isn't fair! It isn't fair to him, to Shigaraki, or the readers that love them both! And I want Izuku to be hurt about it and I want the other characters to care.

Which leads me to All Might.

I have a lot of complicated feelings about All Might. Because I simultaneously DO think that the narrative has actually spent a lot of time seriously criticizing him directly, and also feel like it's hard to balance the fact that he is a good person/hero who tried his best but ultimately failed (and was deeply, personally influential for basically all of the major characters) with the fact that he is super wrong about a lot of things and probably didn't need the amount/type of screen time he got. Like, I got the vision behind the Iron Might suit thing and Izuku inspiring him to be a quirkless hero, but also I think it took away from other characters who needed acknowledgement more. The torch should have been passed, and All Might could have been brought in a different way.

If you're asking about just this chapter? Honestly, I find it hard to criticize All Might for being proud of and kind to his proteges for doing the thing he couldn't: defeating AFO and stopping the destruction of Japan. They're wounded to the point of potentially life-long disability and emotionally wrecked. There was exactly zero chance that Izuku was going to wake up in his hospital bed to All Might saying "wow, it took you that long to stop AFO and both him and Shigaraki are dead now? You really do suck, kid. I never should have given you my quirk".

In terms of framing, I do see some people's concern over the fact that All Might's words (and the surrounding imagery) seem to be positive and hopeful and could be read as him (and therefore the narrative) brushing off the horror of Shigaraki having to die for the rest of the world to know peace. All Might has always symbolized the Old Guard, and the outdated heroic ideals that caused the current tumult and state of society. So to have him say "good job, you did it!" does sound worryingly like the story saying that everything is good and right with the world now. Which... if we want to be thematically consistent, it isn't "all good".

But ultimately, a lot of this is in wait-and-see territory. Until the manga is over, I'm not ready to be married to any particular opinion about the end, because we just don't know for sure where Hori's gonna take this. And while I do genuinely think that we have enough to be excited/optimistic over, I'm also not blind to the potential disaster that the ending could make the story. So. We'll find out in the next few weeks/months!

Sorry for talking so much, lmao. Thanks for asking!

#bnha 424 #bnha spoilers #deku #bakugo #all might #ask me

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mkgrl11 · 1 month ago

Text

social media cleanse and restriction. one of the most important things that helped me start being consistent

this post is aimed for people who feel bad after doomscrolling for hours AND for the people who are emotionally sensitive like me. this is NOT necessary to manifest WHATSOEVER. consider this more of a general wellness tip.

i am speaking almost exclusively from personal experience.

long post, content under the cut

what do you mean by a social media cleanse and restriction? what does it entail?

it's exactly what it says on the tin. cutting down on social media in your daily life

why should we even DO a social media cleanse? i don't wanna miss out!!

there are MANY reasons to do a social media cleanse, but i'll just be talking for the loa/loass perspective (there's literally countless other reasons, you can find a few benefits here).

first of all, you are NOT missing out. there is an infinite amount of unimportant things on there that clog up your mind! and i'm talking about mean people on twitter ragebaiting, somebody on reddit who "trolls" you by actually ruining your day, and tiktok creating a new insecurity out of thin air! doesn't it drive you crazy how riled up you can get over a TWEET??? your beautiful brain doesn't deserve to spend hours in places like that. and you do end up being "in touch" anyway, either by your friends referencing new memes, or by the small amounts of time you spend on your phone (you do NOT have to delete social media entirely)

second of all, i believe that that type of content can actually spoil your fun with manifestations, and i'll give some examples. that weird content can make you:

forget that you were saying your affirmations! maybe you wanted to robotically affirm for 20 minutes, and before you know it, your timer goes off, and you were looking at tweets respoted on instagram, and totally forgot to keep your affirmations at the back of your head

confused. maybe you're on tumblr (ironic i'm posting this online btw, i know) and scrolling on the loass hashtags and you see a post that says "manifestation is a process" followed by a post that says "manifestation is instant, and not a process", followed by someone complaining in someone's asks, followed by... and before you know it, you almost forgot what manifestation was even about

...and the point which is most important,

mess up your attention span. i know, I KNOW, don't boo me! i'm RIGHT! when i was at the peak of my social media usage, i couldn't even sit through visualising for even THREE MINUTES without picking up my phone. i had to give up stuff that made me happy (like visualising) to do stuff that fried my dopamine receptors, and i HATED it

okay, but what's the point of the "restriction"?

the restriction part of the name is just to encourage ACTIVELY taking care of the media you consume. don't hop platforms, spiral even lower, or start a worse habit. keep an eye on that kind of stuff. keep yourself busy.

what about non-social media? like music, film, etc.

i don't think music and film taste is something people can really control. but i will admit, i saw my life improve when i slowed down on listening to angry and depressing music, and snuck in happier or more neutral ones instead.

and it SUCKS to admit it, because i am a HUGE screamo, emo, and alt-rock fan (despite the aesthetic of my blog lmao). i also almost exclusively hate romcoms and fantasize about absurd horror films i watched years ago.

but the good thing is, if you want to introduce more fun music into your playlists (if you feel like the music/film you have been consuming has genuinely been ruining your mood, which i feel like it did for me a little), you can totally do that without having to quit the content you enjoy.

do you have any personal experience with this?

you bet!! i'll try to keep it short bcs i have been rambling for a while, so here it is summed up in bullet points. also this all happened slowly over like two weeks.

what i listened to/watched before:

literal youtube drama slop that i didn't care about

doomscrolling on instagram reels

songs with angry lyrics whose sounds i LOOOVED but felt a little down after listening to it

how i felt before:

bombarded with a bunch of stuff i did not wanna know about (like people's personal dramas online, random jumpscares hidden online, etc)

couldn't focus even on things that made me feel good

like i was searching for something, and never being able to calm that feeling down. for example, i would look up "how to caramelize onions" when i had done that 10 times before bc i felt that my self was so untrustworthy, bc everything i need "MUST be outside of me". or i would scroll on loassblr, bc maybe THIS time i'll find the "key to manifesting"

what i listened to/watched after:

fun youtube videos about nostalgic games and comedy that actually makes me laugh out loud

i got an app which limits my instagram and tiktok while giving me 25 minutes a day in case i need it. i could not delete instagram as a whole bc some of my friends are friends i made overseas and still keep in touch with

still a big emo fan, but i cut out a lot of songs that JUST straight up made me feel depressed and anxious and added more of bands who make relatively happier music, rock from the 70s, and edm.

how i feel now:

i am more in control of my thoughts, especially when alone

i am genuinely surprised when i watch a movie with a friend and they pick up their phone right after the title screen plays

i am more satisfied with myself as a whole, and i can rely on my intuition and senses better

i don't need "background noise" for everything anymore

what tips do you got?

i actually don't recommend that you quit cold turkey, because it might be too difficult and you might just end up saying "ehh whatever, i was never cut out for quitting social media anyway" and start scrolling again. go slow

if you do feel that the music you listen to leaves you a bit too upset, but you also don't wanna do a 180 and listen to songs you lowkey hate instead, i recommend you remove the particularly depressing songs from your playlist (you can always listen to them again when the mood calls for it of course), and add in some more "middle" songs. or try on some new genres!

abt the previous point, if you have a DR where angrier music makes sense (like if you're in a rock band, your DR SP loves going to metal concerts, or anything of the like) you can make almost anything work! use that music as visualisation material. all of a sudden, instead of making you wallow in negative emotions, it's a source of power and imagination!

youtube videos, tumblr, and pinterest matter too! especially if you're over there overconsuming loa content. i use my youtube just for fun videos and subliminals, tumblr just to post (i barely look at other posts), and pinterest to add to vision boards.

if you're like me and can't doomscroll on your laptop, log in to the web versions of instagram and snapchat. that way you can text for an extended amount of time with your friends without getting distracted by the reels and snapchat stories

i really like the app ScreenZen, i think it works better than IOS's screen time protector thing

i recommend you keep your hands busy with something else. one of the main reasons why i started this blog anyway was so i could keep my hands off my phone (i'm typing this on my laptop rn). i also picked up knitting and drawing after years of not doing that

use your feelings as a compass. does it feel good when you look at that content? if not, cut it out. you will learn to trust your feelings more that way too

conclusion?

do a social media cleanse, or don't. i'm not your mom. i'm pretty sure my explanations, experience, and tips have spoken for themselves. if you have any questions or personal experience with this, i would love to read it in a comment. please remember to focus on what makes you feel good. that's the whole point

tl;dr?

get rid of bad social media things, keep the good and important. use your own emotions as a guide as to how you should proceed. be careful and be active. you do not need to quit the music you like. be gentle and honest with yourself. good for manifestation, self-trust, and focus.

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cathyun · 2 years ago

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Can I request an angsty Beomgyu x female reader scenario where y/n tries breaking up with him bc she doesn’t feel like she’s good enough for him and doesn’t want to hold him back from his career but Beomgyu refuses to let her go?

hold me tight

note: AHHH TYSM FOR THIS WONDERFUL REQUEST !!! i don't think this is as good as my previous works but i hope u enjoy reading as much as i enjoyed writing it !! pairing: choi beomgyu x reader genre: established relationship, angst, comfort wc: 1.5k warnings: doubts, low self-esteem, lots of overthinking, mentions of break-up, insecurities summary: beomgyu is forced to pick between you and his dreams, was it selfish of him to want both things at once?

Beomgyu is debuting.

He's been training diligently each day, conquering every hard moments. During those moments, you stuck by his side.

Listening to his rants about their new routines, whispering compliments and encouragements when he was feeling less confident about himself. You'd cuddle him in your warm comforting bed when he was tired and drained from practice, his head in your chest as he listened to your heartbeat. When his head were filled with doubts, you were there to remind him of his dreams and why he wanted to achieve it in the first place.

You were there next to Beomgyu, watching and cheering him on every step he took. That's why it was only natural that you're the first person he told about his debut.

The smile he wore was wide and contagious as he knocked to the door of your shared apartment. His heart pounding in anticipation when he heard the familiar sound of your footsteps. As soon as the door opened, your sweet voice greeted him.

"Hey, love. You're home early today, is there anything wrong?" You spoke, concern dripping from your tone. His heart warmed at this, before immediately reminding himself of why he was here in the first place.

Beomgyu greeted you with a hug and a kiss in the cheek, he gently held your hand and ushered you inside. After closing the door, he turned to you, "No, no, everything's alright. More than alright, actually." He replied, voice getting higher due to his excitement.

You noticed this almost immediately and fondly smiled back at him, "Did anything happen?"

He nodded in return, as the two of you sat on the couch of your living room. In an instant, he had his arms around you, sighing in content. "Something happened. Something really big." He lifted his head to see your pretty eyes, only to find out they were already looking at him, filled with tenderness, "It's happening, Y/n. I'm one step closer to achieving my dreams."

It feels like the world stops spinning for a moment. "You mean you're debuting soon?" Your breath hitched, blocking all source of oxygen.

"Yes! I'm debuting soon!" He exclaimed, letting out a huge laugh of relief before rambling, "The company confirmed it earlier. It still feels like I'm dreaming. Maybe I am, but I already pinched myself on the way here so- Y/n...?"

He cut himself off, looking at your face worriedly. You had gone pale, any trace of calmness on your face has now disappeared. This was the exact opposite of what he expected your reaction would be. "Are you okay?"

You nodded, although you looked nowhere near okay. "I'm fine. Just a bit overwhelmed." You nervously laughed it off, he would've left it at that but your tone was different. He could tell you wanted to say more, but couldn't.

And he was right. Inside your mind was a jumbled mess. Thoughts after thoughts appeared on your brain and you couldn't even process anything except for the fact that he was debuting. You should be happy. And you are happy, but a nagging voice from the darkest corner of your brain is telling you how you aren't good enough for him now, how you'll only slow down his process to become a better version of himself.

"Y/n, what's wrong?"

Everything.

"Nothing."

Everything is going wrong. You couldn't think straight.

"You know you can tell me everything, right?"

You took shakily deep breath in.

"I think," You paused, finding the right words, "I think we should stop this."

Beomgyu's ears rang as he felt a pang of sadness wash over him. He sat in shock, hands going slack against your shoulder. "What do you mean?" His heart paced as a thousand of thoughts raced through his mind. Had he done something wrong to make you upset?

You felt your own heart breaking at the sight of him. His eyes flashing a look of grief, confusion, and most of all, sadness. He was asking unspoken questions, but you couldn't bring yourself to answer any of them.

"I just don't think this will work out anymore."

Your bottled up insecurities were winning against your love for Beomgyu. As much as you wanted to stand up for your relationship with him, it seems as if your thoughts were much stronger than you realized.

But Beomgyu does not back down. He was more than willing to fight for this if you are currently incapable of doing so.

"I just- I don't understand? We were... We're happy, right? Did something happen? I'm sorry if I accidentally made you upset, but please. I'm sure there's a way we can fix this?"

The words get caught in your throat and you couldn't speak. As much as you had tried, you just couldn't. Because you know there wasn't anything wrong with him from the beginning, it was because of the way you felt and thought about yourself.

It felt too much to the point you couldn't take it anymore and the tears went straight out of your eyes right away. Beomgyu, always the sweet and attentive partner he is, was quick to hold you in his arms. He could feel you shaking in his hands as your sobs got louder.

"I'm sorry, Gyu." You whispered, voice cracking. He was quick to shush you, pulling away to wipe the tears out of your face.

"It's okay, angel. I'm here. You're okay." He reassured, "Just please talk to me. Don't end things so suddenly when you know we can sort it out."

"I..." You look down, restraining your sobs to let out the words you've been keeping in, "Am I good enough? For you?"

Beomgyu could only look at you with in shock, wondering how that thought could ever cross your mind. "Y/n, angel. You're more than good enough."

"But won't I hold you back from your career?"

"I like performing, Y/n. I like being on stage and being able to sing and dance. But I give it my all because I know you're somewhere in the crowd watching me perform." His eyes were filled with tears threatening to burst out, but he held on, "I wouldn't be here if you weren't by my side."

You sadly smiled, knowing well enough that he was wrong. Even without you, he could still achieve this dream of his without breaking a sweat. He had everything an ideal idol would have, and because of that you felt so small next to him.

You didn't feel good enough to be next to him, because that's Beomgyu. He is simply a big, bright star that would catch the attention of anyone. While you, you're just... simply you. You'd say you're nothing but the darkness that surrounds the star, and Beomgyu would argue that a star wouldn't shine as bright without the dark. He's right.

"Beom, you know how risky it is for an idol to be with someone in secret. If the media finds out, your whole career will-"

"I just want to be with you, Y/n. I want you. I need you." He stuttered, blinking the tears away furiously. "None of it would matter without you."

His voice held so much desperation. He didn't care if he looked stupid, all he wanted was for you to hold on. Because Beomgyu does not know how he would live without you.

He started this dream with you. You were there for him step for step, and he wanted you to be there when he achieved it, too. He was rarely selfish, but he's willing to be selfish for the sake of keeping you.

"Beom..."

"Please just try. I can't let you go." He clings on the small light of hope. Your heart aches.

It's hard, you think, convincing yourself that continuing what you have with him would make him a better person for his chosen career, especially with the way you view yourself. To you, you are nowhere near Beomgyu. But you know he's more than willing to prove those voices in your mind wrong.

"Please..."

With a shaking hand and a mind filled with doubts, you reached out for him. He looked at you teary eyed, before closing the remaining distance between you with desperation.

He clung onto you tightly, afraid that if he let you go, he'd be letting you go forever.

"Promise me you won't let me get in the way of your career."

It's hard not to listen to your thoughts, but you would rather grow and fix yourself together with Beomgyu, than finding an empty bed beside you every morning. Than walking pass each other like strangers without memories of one another. Than feeling grief when you would pass his house or your favorite places to go on dates as the memories overwhelm you.

You know it'll take awhile to fix the doubtful thoughts and insecurities you have, but you're also aware that being with him is something you don't want to be taken away from you. It would be much harder not having him beside you.

With a firm grip on your waist, he whispered the most delicate words of affirmation in your ears, "You're my motivation. You wouldn't get in the way of anything. So please, stay and hold me tight."

#txt x reader #txt x yn #txt x you #txt x y/n #txt reactions #txt imagines #beomgyu x reader #beomgyu x y/n #beomgyu x you #txt #choi beomgyu #— requested 💌

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