#I may not be able to afford a car or car insurance yet but this is a start

[bloodypeachblog]

I FUCKING GOT MY DRIVER'S PERMIT YESTERDAY!!!

Taglist for besties: @omniuravity @fatgumsurpremacy-remastered @neonvehk

[rafeandonlyrafe]

feeling generous

words: 1.3k

warnings: 18+ only!, smut, dubcon!!, blackmail!!, blowjob, cum eating???, voyeurism, public sex, car crash but like its in a parking lot lol, pogue!/broke!reader

“shit, shit, shit.” you groan, quickly putting the car into drive and moving a few feet, cringing when you hear the crunch of metal coming undone. you throw the car into park and hop out to see your worst fears actualized.

“are you fucking blind?” the shout makes you jump. you didn't even realize that the owner of the car was sat in the driver's seat.

“im-im so so sorry.” you shake your head quickly, surveying the damage. you caught their back bumper with your own, the red paint from their car flaking onto your silver one. “i-i didn't see how close-”

“no shit you didn't see! jesus fucking christ, do you know how expensive this car is?” he shouts, standing to his full height and slamming the car door closed. you don't know how much the car is, but judging by the look of it and the man driving it, certainly not cheap. “this is a custom paint job too.” 

he places his hands on his hips, eyes shifting between glaring at the ruined back end of his car and you.

“insurance and id. now.” he huffs out. “before i call the cops.”

your eyes widen. you have the minimum required insurance, and even that payment is killing you, there's no way you'll be able to afford it if you get an increase for a crash.

“can i pay you out of pocket?” you offer, clearing your throat, trying to keep a level head.

“no way you're able to afford it.” his eyes turn towards your car. it's old, a junker, but gets you around fine enough. and best part, it was free, a hand me down after your grandma bought a newer car.

“i-i probably cant, but i can't afford the insurance increase either and i- we can work something out. please.” you don't care how pathetic it is, you'll get down on your knees in the parking lot if you have to. you're not beyond begging and pleading.

he looks you up and down before grunting, heading back towards his car. your feet spring into action, grabbing onto his wrist, not wanting him to reach for his phone.

“no, please, sir-”

“rafe.” he says, hand twisting so now he's the one holding your wrist. “my name is rafe.”

“oh.” you blink up at him before responding. “my name is y/n”

“you shouldn't have told me.” rafe holds his hand up. “in case i change my mind. you're lucky im feeling generous today.”

“oh my god, thank you so much!” you feel tears well up in your eyes.

“don't thank me yet, darling.” his gaze turns dark as he looks down at you, only now realizing how tall he is, how he towers over you.

“what do you mean?” you question.

rafe takes your hand gripped tightly in his fist, turning it and bringing it down to place it on his crotch. your eyes widen when he moves your fingers back and forth over his shorts, stroking along your length.

“i- what are you doing?” you try to pull your hand away, but he's holding on too tightly.

“it's either this or we can get insurance involved.” rafe looks at you, the shiny lip gloss smeared over your mouth. you may be a broke pogue, but your mouth should be good enough to please him, to ease some of the tension from getting his car hit.

“im not a prostitute.” you say, certainly not meaning this when offering to work something out.

“yet you're gonna get on your knees and suck me off. or i call the cops.”

“right here?” you look around the parking lot. it's pretty empty, but it's the middle of the day, the sun shining down on you, making the illicit act obvious to anyone who looks between where your two cars are parked.

“yeah.” he shrugs, pressing your hand harder into his crotch. he's obviously hard, seemingly almost painfully so.

you look back to the damage, the cherry red color that you're sure isn't stock, and then sink down to your knees. rafe smirks down at you as he drops his hand away from your wrist, light purple bruises already forming.

you gulp and resolve yourself to what you're about to do, tugging at his zipper before undoing the button on his shorts. you open up the flaps, eyes widening when you take in his length through his underwear.

rafe chuckles before pushing the elastic down to pull his cock out, exposing it to the warm summer air.

“suck.” he simply commands.

you open your mouth, taking an experimental lick at his tip, surprised that the taste isn't completely repulsive. you lick again before wrapping your lips around the head of his cock.

“come on.” he spurs you on. “do it good or ill cum in your mouth and still make you pay.”

the threat has you moving quickly, sinking down onto his cock, closing your eyes so you don't have to see rafe looking down at you. he may be attractive, but you're still getting forced to do this. 

“ahh, that's good.” he groans as you set a quick pace, bobbing your head up and down. you pray no one pulls into this part of the parking lot or looks your way. you'd be absolutely mortified to be seen on your knees for a man in the middle of the day, not even going into his car to suck him off.

rafes hands grip your hair, pulling them into two makeshift pigtails.

he lets you stay in control for a while longer before he gets sick of you sucking him off however you please. he shoves his hips forward, causing you to gag when his cock buries deep in your throat.

rafe doesn't give you time to recover, thrusting while holding your head still by the hair, tears now streaming down your eyes as he pushes in then out, in then out.

“fuck, you're actually good.” rafe chuckles. just his luck the dumb bitch who hit his car gives good head, your throat tightening as you swallow around him with every thrust.

you feel the combination of drool and tears drip down your chin, hoping rafe cums soon so this can end.

you place your hands on his thighs as your knees dig into the pavement. your jeans are going to be completely ruined by the time rafe is done with you, but at least you'll have money to buy a new pair.

you feel rafes cock swell in your mouth, your eyes widening to look up at him, the sun behind his head, illuminating him in a perfect halo, but he's no angel.

rafe pulls his cock out before he can cum. you stick your tongue out, knowing exactly what to expect as rafe strokes himself quickly, moaning as if he doesn't care about being seen as his cock shoots out ropes of white cum onto your face and awaiting tongue.

he taps the tip against your tongue, smearing it through the mess of white. “kiss it.”

it's humiliating, but not any more than what just happened. you pucker your lips and press a kiss to the tip of his cock, seeing that it's already beginning to soften.

rafe tucks his cock back in as you pant on the ground, hands coming to your thighs as you try to gain composure.

“hey.” rafes voice has you looking back up, your eyes widening when you see he's got his phone now, taking a picture of your disheveled state, face still covered in his cum.

“what was that for?” you shout.

“part of your repayment in case you ever try to go back on our agreement.” you understand what rafe means. in case you try to tell anyone he forced you into it.

rafe smiles when the look of acceptance sinks into your features as you resign to your fate. he bends down, looking you in the eye before his tongue presses against your jaw, dragging up your cheek, tracing the trail of your tears, not caring that he also tastes his own cum on his tongue. 

“see you around.” he smirks, swallowing your tears dramatically as he gets into his car, speeding away before you even get your knees off the ground.

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[daughterofcain-67]

𝐄𝐧𝐭𝐚𝐧𝐠𝐥𝐞𝐝 𝐇𝐞𝐚𝐫𝐭𝐬 (pt. 3)

(Beau Arlen x Female Reader)

(masterlist)

𝐬𝐮𝐦𝐦𝐚𝐫𝐲: When Beau wraps up at least one end of his case, he finds that there’s more and he may be sinking into some sort of rabbit hole. It’s his job to get Helena Montana out of this mess and safe once more with Hoyt’s help. Meanwhile, you’re getting more friendly with Andre and you start to wonder if you should be setting your sites on someone who has the time for you. What will you do when one of the two men in your life actually asks you out?

𝐰𝐚𝐫𝐧𝐢𝐧𝐠: mentions of some characters in season 1. Kidnapping case and discussions of human traffiking. Beginning of the love triangle. I think that’s it?

Beau and Jenny found Irene’s grandson, evidently named Sean, driving the green SUV down the road. They followed him and they were able to stop him at one of the many back roads of Helena Montana.

When the car was stopped, Beau and Jenny got out of Beau’s car and of course the two officers were cautious. They had their arms ready just in case.

“Sean? We need you to step out of the vehicle.” Beau said, a little wary of what might happen.

When the car door slowly opened up, a lanky looking red head with curly hair and freckles carefully stepped out of the vehicle with his hands up.

“I-I know why you’re here. And I’m so sorry…” This poor kid couldn’t have been older than nineteen. Fresh out of high school, could be a freshman in college.

“Come on, kiddo. Let’s get you down to the station. We just need to talk about a few things.” Jenny said.

Sean nodded and he stood still and put his arms behind his back.

“Oh, there’s no need for that. You aren’t under arrest.” The deputy promised and it took everything Beau had in him not to say the words “not yet” afterward.

When they got Sean into the car, they made it to the station about thirty minutes later. They got Sean’s fingerprints before getting him into the interrogation room.

Jenny and Sean sat down across from one another while Beau was a little too antsy to have a seat. He just wanted to get those two women found before anything bad would happen to them.

“You said you knew what this was about, right? So, Sean, why don’t you tell us what happened, tell us your side.” Jenny said. Beau supposed she was trying to play good cop for once since this was practically a kid.

“Well… All of it was just so I could help my grandma pay her hospital bills. She just had both her hips replaced several months ago but for whatever reason her insurance and social security couldn’t cover all of it. The co-pay was a little too much for her to afford. She’s also really far behind on some of her other bills.” Sean began and he looked down at his hands.

“So you’re trying to be a good grandson. What did you do?” Beau asked, his arms crossed over his chest.

“I-I made a mistake… I met this guy at a bar. He didn’t give me his real name. All I knew him as was Ace. And Ace told me that I could help pay for my grandmother’s bills if I just… did some driving for him.” Sean said.

“Driving? To where? What were you transporting?” Beau’s brows narrowed.

“H-He is a part of some gang. I don’t know what gang or what they wanted, but I was supposed to take whatever ladies he had blindfolded and take them to this site. It was different every time. I-It was like they were selling people for whatever reasons.” Sean continued.

“The Syndicate? Was that who it was?” Jenny asked, remembering the case with the truck driver, Ronald Perlman, and the state trooper, Rick Legarski.

“No, I think it was someone else. Maybe someone who buys from the Syndicate or something. Maybe it’s something similar to whatever Syndicate you’re talking about? I-I don’t know for sure. I’m sorry…”

“How long does it take for the buyer to get to the site?” Beau questioned, voice growing more stern.

“It depends on how fast we can get them to answer, or rather when Ace can get them on the phone. He got them on the phone three days ago. The buyer is supposed to come by sometime early next week. I think in about two days if their on schedule.” Sean said.

“Do you remember where the site is? Can you take us there?”

Sean was a little hesitant. He seemed unsure about something and he was shaking his leg under the table. Things weren’t supposed to be this way. It was supposed to be simple. An easy payday so he could take care of his grandmother.

“I-If I show you, is there any way I can get protection from these guys? Or protection for my grandmother at least?” He asked.

Jenny looked up at Beau who’s brow was raised in the air, arms still firmly in place over his chest as if he hadn’t moved the whole time.

“We can get the FBI involved and let them know the Syndicate or someone similar is hitting up Helena again.” Beau said, “We’ll see what we can do about your grandmother at least. I don’t know what deal they’ll offer you since you were an accomplice.”

“I’ll take it! As long as she’s okay.”

“Great. Hoyt, grab some reinforcements and call some backup in case there’s any conflict. Time to hit the road.” Beau instructed and walked out of the interrogation room.

Beau had grabbed a bullet proof vest and proceeded to put it on before stepping outside to get into his vehicle. When he did, Beau realized that it was already dark outside by this time. If this case were simpler, he would be at your house watching that movie with you. there was nothing else he would rather be doing right now. He would have loved to be under some random throw blanket he had with you beside him.

But this was his job and this was his priority whether he liked it or not.

It was time to get Sidney Ferguson and Ember O’Riley back to their families. They’ve been under enough stress for this past week and it’s time to put an end to this. At least an end for their means.

Yet for some reason, Beau had this unsettling feeling that whatever group this was, they weren’t done with Helena just yet.

You were sitting on the couch with your sister and Andre. Sure enough, Cassie wasn’t able to make it and of course Beau had told you from that phone call that he and Jenny couldn’t make it tonight. So it was just the three of you watching The Shining and you had forgotten just how good of an actor Nicholson was in this role.

Somewhere in the middle of the movie, Cadence got up from her seat next to you on the couch.

“I’m grabbing a drink. Can I get either of you anything?”

“Sure, I’d like one if you don’t mind.��� Andre said.

“I’m good.” You replied, then you watched your sister leave to go to the kitchen.

You looked at the tv again, but you weren’t exactly sure why your mind was suddenly drawing a blank. You knew you would be sitting here enjoying the movie with your sister and your guest, but you couldn’t help but think about the sheriff.

What kind of complications were there? Had he finally gotten a break in the case? Was he going to be able to find those girls? Would he come out of this okay?

“You’re thinking of your sheriff friend, huh?” Andre’s voice broke you from your thoughts. You looked at him for a moment and you have a half of a smile.

“That obvious? I’m sorry, you must think I’m really rude.” You apologized and looked down at your hands in embarrassment.

“No, that’s alright. I’m just curious… is he more than a friend to you?” He asked and you could feel his gaze on you.

You shook your head, “I don’t think he’ll ever be more than a friend. My sister is kind of an advocate for something to happen between me and him, but she has to face the reality that his work is his priority. I can’t stand in the way of that. What he does is important, and all I can really do is hope that he is at least safe with whatever case he’s on.”

“So… not more than a friend but you wish that wasn’t the case, hmm?” Andre asked and you looked over at him and grinned.

“You’re awfully nosey with me and him aren’t you? You and Cadence could bond over that.” You rolled your eyes, “But no, I don’t want him to be anything more than a friend. A person like him would make a much better friend than anything beyond that.”

You may have been lying through your teeth, but if you said the lie out loud maybe you could actually believe it one day. Beau would make a much better friend for you. You couldn’t get attached to him of all people, at least not romantically attached.

“I see.” Andre began but you watched him tuck his bottom lip between his teeth as his gaze went down to the space between the two of you. You could see the gears turning in his mind before he finally spoke again.

“So, hypothetically, if I were to ask you out on a date.. would you refuse?”

The question stunned you. Honestly you were speechless. You weren’t even sure if you were ready to hop back into dating but that was when your sister came into the room again.

“Of course she wouldn’t refuse! She hasn’t dated in forever and she really needs to get out more.” Cadence piped up and answered for you. You looked up at her wide eyed, wondering why the hell she was answering a question you weren’t even sure about.

“Really? How long has it been?” Andre asked and you looked back at him before you rubbed the back of your neck.

“Let’s just go with a little too long… so when do you want to go out on this date? And what do you have in mind?” You asked.

He smiled at you, apparently glad that you were willing to go along with this even if your sister practically volunteered you into this, “Why don’t we leave that as a mystery for let’s say… tomorrow morning? I’ll pick you up at nine.”

That soon? You didn’t know Andre was quite that ambitious but why not go for it? It’s not like anyone else was lining up to date you really. And it was just one time right? How bad could it be?

“Sure, nine sounds great.” You agreed as Cadence handed Andre his drink.

Then you could hear an unfamiliar ringtone and you saw Andre fish his phone from his pocket.

“Is everything alright?” You asked and you could hear him sigh seemingly out of aggravation, if that was the right word for it.

“Just when we were having a good time, I get a message from an associate. He says we need to have a meeting and it’s pretty urgent.” He said.

You smiled a little. Honestly you weren’t sure if you could complain. You weren’t sure what the jewelry business was like so you didn’t know if Andre would be as busy as Beau. Then again if he was and the two of you continued after tomorrows date goes well, you could understand that he was still starting to get established here in Montana. That would take some time.

Then again, that was all in the hypothetical and if everything would work out after tomorrow’s date.

“It’s getting pretty late anyways. We can always watch this another time or something. Go ahead for your meeting.” You said.

Andre smiled at you before he leaned in. You felt the warmth of his lips on your cheek, which sort of startled you because it was an unexpected gesture. When he pulled away, he grinned, “Thank you for understanding. I’ll be here by tomorrow morning.”

Then you watched him get up, causing you to stand as well so you could walk him out to the door. When the door was opened, you looked up at him, “Be safe on the way home, or to your meeting, or wherever the meeting is taking place whether its at home or not.”

“You’re rather adorable when you begin to ramble, aren’t you?” He chuckled, “But I’ll let you know when I get home. So don’t worry that pretty little head of yours.”

With that, you watched him leave and step into his truck before driving into the night.

You smiled to yourself. You weren’t quite sure where things would go between the two of you, but you hoped that maybe this could help you move on from the sheriff since that didn’t really seem to be going anywhere.

Somehow, though, it felt almost like you were cheating on Beau in a way. You didn’t think Beau knew you had feelings for him, but you wondered if this was right.

All you could do for the time being was wait and see what would happen next.

Beau, Jenny, and the other officers that were called to the site where Sean dropped the women off were successful on their mission.

Both Ember and Sidney were safe and sound, finally, and Jenny was talking with Sidney to see if there was any information on this Ace fellow that she could gather.

Ember was sitting on another ambulance with a blanket around her while a paramedic was checking on her. Both the girls would end up being taken to a hospital to check on their well being. As well as Ember’s baby. Beau knew that James would be elated to have his bride back. As for Sidney, you knew Lidia and their parents would be eager to see their family member again.

He was just glad that he was able to get these two women back safely. He just hoped that these girls could give them some kind of information.

Beau watched as the paramedics took the two girls away and Jenny walked towards him with her hands in the pockets of her jacket.

“What’d you find out?” Beau asked.

“Well, not a whole lot. Sean was wrong about this Ace fella buying from the Syndicate. I think it’s an entirely different operation. It’s still related to trafficking, but it’s a different organization. They were planning on letting Ember go anyway because apparently expecting mothers aren’t in the criteria. But they didn’t let her go because they figured she’d tell authorities.” Hoyt explained.

“I think we’re gonna have to figure out how to get in contact with Ace. Or at least locate him and we can figure out how to get them out of here before someone else gets taken.”

“That’s a great idea and all, but we’re gonna have to wait on some DNA results. We collected some cigarette buds and we think that any saliva collected could help us figure out if Ace is in the data base anywhere.”

“Well what are we supposed to do until then? Just sit around on our hands and hope for the best?”

Jenny sighed before she reached up and adjusted the jacket Beau was wearing, “We celebrate this victory. Ember and Sidney are safe and they’re going back to their families. And who knows, maybe this whole thing might be over when this Ace fella finds out that their operation was compromised and they may not come back to Helena.”

“Yeah, I guess that’s true.”

“So, a way you can celebrate, Arlen, is you can get your ass down to Y/N’s house and apologize to her about missing out tonight. Find a way to make it up to her. Because you know damned well that ladies like her don’t stay single forever.”

Beau thought about it for a moment and he thought about how you sounded disappointed in that phone call when he said he wouldn’t be able to make it that night. He knew you were the understanding sort, so would you actually hold it against him?

“Yeah.. I suppose I could go over. She’ll want to know that Ember and Sidney are safe now.” He nodded.

So that was exactly what he did.

When Beau made it to your house, he saw that the porch light was still on. He half expected it to be turned off considering it was getting close to midnight. We’re you alright?

He stepped out of his car and looked down when he realized the bulletproof vest was still on. He took it off and tossed it into the car and shut the door. When he made it to your porch, he lifted a hand and gently knocked on the door, hoping that you would answer.

After a few moments of waiting, the door finally opened up. He saw you there with a messy bun, an AC/DC shirt and some sleeping shorts. You looked like you were ready for bed even if you looked wide awake.

“Beau? What are you doing here? Is everything okay?”

“Yeah, everything’s alright… I just wanted to check on ya.”

“Check on me? What for?” He heard the slightest chuckle in your voice and he smiled a little before he shook his head.

“Never mind, Darlin… I did want to say that we did finally get those two girls back. They should be on their way home either tonight or tomorrow morning once their released from the hospital. They had one of those routine checkups done as far as I know.” He admitted and he saw a smile appear on your face.

“That’s good. I’m glad things were able to work out. But you know you could have told me that on the phone. So why are you really here?”

Beau couldn’t help but wonder why he felt so hesitant now. Why was he there? What was he doing on your porch close to midnight? All of this could have been done over the phone, but he just wanted to see you, he supposed.

“I um… I wanted to apologize for missin’ movie night.”

“You know I’ll never hold the job against you, Beau. You did well tonight and I’m glad you guys were able to make sure those girls got back to their families before something bad happened.” You promised.

“Right.. but uh… I was wondering if there was some way I could make it up to you?” He asked and he watched you tilt your head to the side a little.

“Oh yeah? What did you have in mind?”

“Well, I have the day off tomorrow. Maybe we can do something?” That was when he saw the expression in your face change.

“Um… tomorrow won’t exactly work for me. I’m supposed to be going on a uh.. friend date tomorrow.”

“A friend date?”

“Yeah, it’s with Andre. I’m just going to be showing him some of the fun spots in town. Nothing too fancy really.”

Beau felt this twinge of jealousy within him and he hated it. He didn’t like that you were going on a date with a guy you just met a couple of days ago. We’re you insane?! What if he was dangerous? What if he was just going to use you somehow?

All of these scenarios were playing in his mind and he wasn’t exactly sure what to say.

“Oh.. I see…”

“But if you still want to make things up to me…” He heard you trailing off for a moment, “This weekend, you and I should have a movie night at your place. Just the two of us. I’ll bring some marshmallows to roast and we can make s’mores.”

This was your request? You two have had plenty of movie nights together since Jenny or Cassie couldn’t make it once in a while if they were caught up with their own lives. But he couldn’t exactly recall the last time you said it should just be the two of you.

“I think that ought to be doable.” Beau smiled down at you.

“Good. So… I’ll see you at the coffee shop until then?” The hopefulness in your voice made that aching feeling in Beau’s stomach subside a little. He still didn’t trust Andre one bit. But at least he had something to look forward to he supposed. You did say it was just a friend date, whatever that means.

“I’ll be there.” He promised, “Now try and get some sleep. You shouldn’t be wide awake this late at night.” He grinned.

You rolled your eyes a little before you stood taller on your tipped toes. Suddenly he felt your soft lips on his scruffy cheek, taking him by surprise.

“You need your sleep too, Sheriff. You’ve had a long night and you deserve the rest.” He heard you say and he gazed down at you.

“I’ll do my best, Sweetheart… Goodnight.” He said with a softer tone.

“Goodnight, Beau.” You replied and he watched you slowly shut the door.

Beau sighed and he ran a hand through his hair before he turned around and went to his car.

While he was walking, though, he got a phone call, causing him to let out a grumble to himself. He pulled the phone out of his pocket and answered while he got into the vehicle. “Arlen. What’s happening?”

“We need you to get to Irene’s house. I was wrong. I don’t think this is over, Beau.”

Hey guys! Thank you for reading! I hope you guys are enjoying this series so far! There’s more to this case than meets the eye and one has to wonder just who this Ace is. We’ll see where this goes!

Tag List:

@roseblue373 @deans-spinster-witch @chriszgirl92 @fanfic-n-tabulous

[asshlyyyy]

Absolute Silence Pt. 1

Part 2

This was supposed to be just one part, but I wanted to do so much and I didn't want to make anything too too long! This post takes course over the period of two years. It will be noticeable by the dividers between takes.

There are not many stories/fics out there appointmented to those with disabilities. I certainly haven't read one yet for deaf/ hard of hearing people. I hope I didn't offend anyone by writing this. I did do some research, but it may not all be correct. If you spot something that's wrong don't hesitate to reach out to me!

Masterlist

Pairing: Austin Butler x Deaf!Fem!Reader

Warnings: Some Information may be incorrect, Swearing, Spelling and Grammatical Errors. Let me Know if I MIssed Anything!

Word Count: 2.8k

For your entire life things have always been rough. From trying to get a normal education to trying to work around adulthood. You saw and heard the world differently compared to others. It’s how it’s been since the beginning of your life. You learned to live a certain life and… well it wasn’t that much of a disappointment. 

You were treated differently, and you always were. That never meant that it was okay or that you were okay with it. You generally just wanted to be treated like everyone else. Yet… you couldn’t. Because normal people were able to hear and you couldn’t. You had to learn early on that… that was how life was. 

Was it hard? Absolutely. There was no doubt in your mind that it wouldn’t be. You learned sign language very young. When others would learn to talk, you learned to sign. Yet, you still knew how to talk. You probably sounded terrible, but you knew how to if needed. It didn’t matter much because you couldn’t hear yourself. 

You opted to not use your voice often. It only came out when you saw people get physically upset with you, and when you were getting someone's attention. Your parents taught you how to speak. They told you that it was important how to use your voice in case you were in danger. You could yell for help.

Sure you and your family looked over possible options for hearing. Yet, they were all out of your parent's range of money. Even with insurance, there was no way your family could afford to get you a cochlear implant. You guys were not rich, in fact, you wouldn’t even consider you guys to be middle-class statues. They never shared the price with you, but upon looking it up yourself… let’s just say that… the price of a cochlear implant was like buying a car at full price. 

Sure, there was the option of hearing aids… but you were deaf from the moment you came out of the womb. Hearing aids were for those who were hard of hearing… not deaf. That still didn’t stop your parents from trying though. They felt at fault that you were this way, but there was nothing they could have done.

You were currently sitting at a small coffee shop. It was only a few steps from your apartment. In fact, it was right across the street. It was honestly very convenient, and since you come in so often they know how to work with you. You sat at a table with your pink iPad in front of you and a coffee next to your side. You were currently working on a design for your fashion class. Early on in childhood, you knew you wouldn’t be able to hold a normal job. So, you searched for jobs that wouldn’t require… hearing, or even communication. 

As you picked up your coffee and looked in front of you, you nearly felt yourself jump out of your seat. There in front of you stood a guy, a complete stranger in fact. He was tall, quite tall in fact. He had dirty blonde hair and bright blue eyes. He fits into that surfer boy aesthetic from California. You haven’t met very many people with blue eyes but… they were truly memorizing. How long has he even been standing there?

“Can I sit?” His lips moved but you heard nothing. Of course, over the years you had pretty much mastered the art of lip-reading. So, you easily knew what he had said. You were also the same person who wanted to be left alone most of the time. 

You brought your hand up to sign that you were deaf. Of course, he wouldn’t understand what you meant, but he would have at least gotten the gist of it. No one ever really dared to learn your language. You truly knew how natives felt when people visited their country and didn’t bother to learn their language. 

“I’m so sorry, I didn’t realize.” Your eyes widened at his quick hand movements. “I was just wondering if I could sit here. I’ll be gone before you know it.”

You nodded your head quickly as an answer and watched as he pulled out the chair. Who was this man and why did he know sign language? Not that you were complaining, you were just… confused. No one ever put effort into learning sign language unless someone they knew were deaf. Hell, some people wouldn’t even bother to put that much effort into doing that. You smiled softly and shook your head. For once you felt as if you mattered. 

“I’m Austin,” he introduced himself. You nodded at his introduction and signed back your own name. “That’s a beautiful name.”

You felt your face heat up from the compliment. You turned your head away from him to hide your red face. You engrossed yourself back to your design as you told yourself off. You couldn’t just let yourself fall for the first guy you met who knew sign language. There had to be some catch to it. Maybe he used it as a way to lore deaf girls. He could have been a murderer for all you knew!

Maybe you were overthinking this. Okay okay, you were majorly overlooking this, but even so… you were way too nervous to make any sense of a first move. He probably already had a girlfriend. Look at just how pretty he was. There was no way in hell he was single. You can’t just let this opportunity go away though. He knew sign language! Who knew if you would ever find a guy who knew sign language? You had to take this opportunity. Even if it did end in empressement. You let out a breath and looked up at the guy again. He seemed to have found you looking at him cause he turned to face you.

“I know this is very straightforward of me, but could I get your number?” You asked him with a hopeful smile. Austin smiled in return and nodded his head. You were quick to reach for your phone and hand it over to him. You couldn’t believe he even agreed to such terms. Most men would have run away by now. 

“How about you put yours in mine? That way we both have each others?” He suggested as he handed your phone back. You nodded in agreement and watched as he slide over his own phone. You quickly tap your number into his phone and left the contact as your name. As you handed back his phone he signed a quick thank you and stood up. 

“I’ll text you later.” Was the last thing he signed to you before he left. God… you were hopeful that he would text you. You knew nothing about this man but you were so goddamn hopeful that he would text you. 

After you finished up your drink and design, you decided it was best to head home. You didn’t have much else to do. Sure, you could go to the bookstore… but let’s be honest you didn’t need to spend any more money than needed. Yet, you loved to read romance novels. You always wondered what it would be like to have a romance like such. 

Letting out a sigh you pushed open the door to your apartment. You closed the door behind you and reached down to your purely white cat and gave her a quick pet. You placed your iPad on the table and plopped down on the couch. What if you texted him first? No no, that would seem too eager and sad. 

Turning on the tv you figured you could pass the time by watching some movies. It wouldn’t help, mostly because Austin was on your mind. The first boy to talk to you and you were suddenly head over heels for him? God, you were a joke. 

Later on that evening when you woke from your nap you decided to check your phone. For no reason in particular… okay, you were looking to see if Austin had texted you. There were some texts here and there from your parents but- wait a minute-

New Message from Austin

Okay, no way! Sure he said he was going to text, but a lot of guys say that. You were sure that Austin was going to be one of those guys. Boy were you glad you were wrong. You smiled and unlocked your phone and quickly went to the messages to see what he said. 

Hey! Sorry I’m getting to you late, been cooped up! 

No worries! 

How was your day?

Eh, pretty mediocre, though I did have a certain someone on my mind.

Oh?

Mhm

Her name is Y/n

Was he talking about you? Your name was y/n, but that didn’t mean other people couldn’t have your name. What if it was someone else with the same name? That would be pretty upsetting and embarrassing. God, you feel so stupid to let yourself fall for this go so quickly-

And I wanted to know if she’d like to go on a date sometime. 

By the way, I mean you

You let out a gasp. You couldn’t believe it! He was talking about you and he asked you out on a date! Okay okay okay, be cool… be cool. Don’t scare him away right now. Just don’t do it… You pressed your thumbs against the letters and sent out your reply. 

I’d love to!

That was cool, right? It was simple and it didn’t seem too eager. You couldn’t wait to tell your mother about this. All she wanted was for you to find happiness in this dark silent world. If she knew you possibly found someone… God, she would absolutely lose her marbles!

How about tomorrow at four? 

I’ll come and pick you up.

That sounds perfect! Can’t wait!

┗━•❃°•°❀°•°❃•━━┛

Life was going perfectly. Too perfectly in fact. You were worried that something bad was going to happen. That was how it was in the end. You get a taste of happiness and that sweet sweet life of forever. Next thing you knew it all comes hurdling down into the ground. 

“Blow out the candles.” Your father signed to you. You smiled and looked at the people around you. Your family, your friends, your boyfriend. You thought shortly for your wish, which was the same every year and sucked in a breath. You puffed out your cheeks and blew out all the candles. You watched as everyone cheered.

Your older sister came along and pulled away the cake to cut it into pieces. Your mother had her phone pointed at you to capture the moments. Something she always did, even when you were a baby. You felt a soft pair of lips touch your head and you turned to face the person. 

“Happy Birthday, clover.” Austin signed as he gave you an envelope. You smiled at him and accepted the card with ease. Austin liked to call you his clover. His lucky clover in fact. It was given to you pretty early on when he got the role for a movie he’s been dying to get. He says you gave him that extra push he needed. 

You tore open the envelope and pulled out the card. You read it over and when you opened it you saw a piece of paper with a picture of a cochlear implant on it. You looked over at Austin in confusion.

“What is this?” You asked him.

“Your wish is coming true, sweetheart.” He smiled. You felt your heart burst as tears started to form in your eyes. You started to shake your head from side to side. This wasn’t happening. This couldn’t be happening. There was no way in hell Austin was buying you a cochlear implant. 

“No,” 

“It is. Your appointment is tomorrow.” Austin told you. You let out a small whimper and stood up from your seat and threw your arms around him. There was no way you could ever repay him. The amount of money he is spending just so you were able to hear? That was priceless, and something that could not be repaid. 

Tears started to fall from your eyes quicker than you could react. Austin pressed his thumbs against our cheeks and wiped away the tears. He mouthed I love you and you nodded and mouthed it back. He pulled your face close to his and kissed you gently.

Tomorrow couldn’t come fast enough! You were ecstatic the whole rest of the day. Even while in bed you were restless. You wanted to get the doctors. Get everything set up and head into surgery. You wanted this to happen fast. You wanted to be able to hear. You wanted to hear your boyfriend. 

Even while in the car you couldn’t stop moving. Your leg bounced with excitement. Austin was in awe by watching you. You were like a little kid on Christmas morning. Without him, you would have never been able to have this opportunity. And for that, you would be forever grateful.  You turned over and looked at Austin, a huge smile on your face. 

“You excited?” He asked you. A quick nod was your answer. It was a simple answer but it brought forth all your emotion. 

“Super, I cannot wait!” 

It didn’t take too much longer when you arrived at the place. There were three stages to getting a cochlear implant. The first was to do all the questions and tests. The second was getting the surgery, and lastly was healing. Technically there were a lot more steps, but… luckily you went through those when you were younger. 

The appointment went quickly and fast, and you got your surgery date stated. Sure… you had to wait a whole goddamn week… but you waited years just for this opportunity to arise. In fact, you never thought that this opportunity would come. You were grateful for Austin, and you owe him everything.

┗━•❃°•°❀°•°❃•━━┛

“So, you’ll need to change the batteries every so often,” The doctor explained to you. You nodded just to get the conversation to end. You wanted to put it on already! You wanted to hear the world. You wanted to hear Austin. The doctor turned and spoke some words to Austin. You kicked your feet eagerly. 

Before you knew it the doctor handed you the external opponent. You quickly placed it around your air and placed it into place. You looked around ready for anyone to speak. Your eyes landed on Austin. He walked up to you and took your hands.

“Hi clover,” he spoke, and you heard it! You heard his voice. Your mouth opened a bit in shock. His voice… his voice just matched him so perfectly.

“Oh my god,” You muttered out as you heard your own voice. Your hands flew up to cover your mouth. So many things were happening at once. You couldn’t believe this moment! You heard the sound of the air conditioner. You heard the buzzing of the fluorescent lights above you.

You started to tear up. You started to shake your head and soon tears were falling down your face. Austin chuckled lightly and wrapped his arms around you and pulled you into his chest. He rubbed your back and nodded towards the doctor as a thank you.

“If any problems arise, give me a call and we’ll get her an appointment. I’ll leave you two be.” The doctor announced. You looked over at the doctor and just felt more tears. You couldn’t believe this. You couldn’t even begin to describe what it felt like to hear it again. 

Austin rested his cheek against your head as you wrapped your arms around him. You wouldn’t be here if it wasn’t for him. You know you kept saying that but… you really did mean it. Austin was your everything, and he gave you everything. He gave you, your hearing back. How many people can say they did that for their girlfriend? Probably none. 

After you calmed down a bit you pulled yourself away. You looked up at Austin. He looked down at you and smiled. He brought his thumbs up to your face and wiped away your tears. He brought his lips down to your face and kissed both of your cheeks.

“I love you, Y/n,” Austin spoke. You thought you were all out of tears, but he just brought them all back. That was the first time you ever heard that. 

“I-I love you too,” you weren’t used to your voice just yet. That was something you were going to need to get used to. Austin pulled your face forward and kissed you. You leaned into his touch and kissed back. This was heaven. You said yes to heaven. 

Mutual Taglist: @darlinboypresley, @emmymaehereeeeee, @venus-haze, @austinstyles

[blueberryratz]

not asking for money; please send me resources

so i will potentially be moving soon - my family has taken financial hit after hit and its not looking good for us to be able to afford rent. my mother wants to house with my grandparents and i am completely uninterested in joining due to how far it is, the lack of space/privacy, and the fact that my old abuser lives there currently. since im 18 now this means i will have to find alternate housing by myself and i have very little idea what to do. please send me advice, suggestions, or any resource you may know on the following topics:

transport - probably my biggest issue. even if i can quickly get my license i dont have a car nor insurance. walking/biking to where i need to go is not ideal because my legs get fatigued and weak easily and if i need to bike to work and then do an 8 hour shift i think i would die. also there is literally no public transport where i live because texas hates me

housing - right now my best bet is most likely moving in with my step dad and paying him rent, but honestly if im gonna move out anyway i might as well see if there's any options i have for living outside my parents' house. some options ive thought about are the transitional housing for homeless young adults near-ish to me as well as finding a room to rent in the area im already residing

money/jobs - i currently have a job that pays $13.20 an hour but i just started this week and i haven't seen a paycheck yet. im currently flat broke. if i need to move out i may drop out of college and see about working full time for the first time and/or taking a second job

mental health - i currently get meds for free through a public program i utilized but im not getting the therapy i need especially for this stressful time. i have autism, ptsd, and osdd and need a therapist that specializes in those issues

physical health - as stated before my legs are not very strong and its impacted my work life multiple times previously to the point of losing my job. i have no idea whats going on with my legs and finding out what the issue is would be great so i can find solutions, but i don't have insurance and i dont know the first thing about getting ahold of it

i will update as i recall anythings else id like help with 👍 for a frame of reference i live in north texas. thank you for reading/reblogging/sharing suggestions :)

[darker-than-darkness]

Little rant about getting an autism/adhd diagnosis as a person under the trans* umbrella.

Right of the bat: I am (as of now) only self-diagnosed, with strong suspicions of autism or possibly audhd. My psychiatrist agrees, but can not give me that diagnosis without consulting a therapist. Nonetheless, I will refer to people of the above mentioned minority (unfortunately) as a collective “we” for easier accessibility.

I also identify as nonbinary and transmasculine, using they/he pronouns and I have had my coming out as trans* in 2015, albeit mistaking my identity as genderfluid in the beginning. Since 2020 I have been labeling myself correctly, had my social and public coming out and was even able to get my name recognized by my university.

I am certain of my identity, hence why I feel like I can speak for the trans* community. As mentioned above, I’ve completed my social transition, whereas I am still awaiting a proper referral for surgeries and a legal change.

I also want to apologize in advance for my language potentially being a bit too scholarly for a site such as tumblr. I am a university student of English and American studies and this comes naturally with the occupation. I also feel it helps me get point across more distinctively and precisely. I will however try to give examples to illustrate my thoughts.

That being said, here’s my main thesis:

I feel like we do not get enough recognition and struggle more to get diagnosed in the first place. Let me elaborate.

A lack of therapists worldwide makes it nearly impossible to get diagnosed with anything these days, but self-diagnosis after extensive research gets devaluated and ridiculed.

Whilst autism in cis women has started finally getting the recognition it deserved (don’t get me wrong, this is amazing) and cis men have been able to get a diagnosis often at an early age, we are a blind spot in the field of psychology.

It is impossible to get a therapist specializing in both gender and neurodiversity, even though they are closely linked. You have to weigh out which of the topics you want to tackle first, whilst both need to be regarded together, not separately. Therapy for both has the purpose of saving a life, but is impossible to achieve.

For the past three years I have been trying to get a therapist. I live in a big city in Germany, and whilst therapy is covered by public health insurance, many are unable to find any therapist, let alone a suited one. The one or two (out of the hundreds that exists) have long waitlists of a year and above and whilst you can pay for therapy sessions, many students like myself, who live on the bare minimum, can not afford paying 300+ Euros a month that weekly sessions would cost.

I also feel like many of us get disregarded for our special interests, hyperfixations and other symptoms. They can vary so much from those of cis women and/or cis men. We many times show symptoms of both cis men and cis women, many times show neither or ones exclusive to trans* individuals.

Of course these symptoms always vary greatly from individual to individual, yet especially in those who are afab or amab they get overshadowed or falsely attributed by/to the many mental illnesses/symptoms we have because of not identifying with the gender we were wrongly assigned at birth. I will come back to those mental issues in a bit.

I, for example, share a special interest for makeup and fashion, stereotypically seen as more feminine interests, and a special interest for motorcycles, cars, wrestling and many other stereotypically male interests. These are obsessive and hinder me in everyday life.

Not only are stereotypes harmful wherever they may apply, them being seen as such, they get disregarded as special interests/hyperfixations that come with neurodivergence. The symptoms are ignored and wrongly attributed (those aligning with the gender you were assigned at birth) or not attributed at all (those that not aligning with the gender you were assigned at birth) to a potential autism/adhd diagnosis.

However, some special interests/hyperfixations I’ve observed in many trans* people are those relating to the struggle unique to trans* individuals. They can include trans* or lgbtq+ rights, politics in general, the science behind being trans*, activism, hate crimes, police violence, gender reassigning surgeries and many others.

I suppose we, as those these issues relate to in many ways, naturally have a closer connection/desire to indulge in these topics in detail. However, this, once again, gets disregarded and not attributed to the neurodiversity but rather the issues with gender.

Coming back to a point briefly mentioned above, many of us have been wrongly diagnosed many times within our lives. Many of the symptoms naturally coming with everyday life as a trans* person have been signed off as standalone diagnoses. These include depression, anxiety, body dysmorphia, anger issues, escapism, low self-esteem and self-worth and even suicidal/homicidal thoughts.

The collection of wrong diagnoses throughout ones life, if one is lucky enough to have a therapist in the first place, comes naturally with both being trans* and having autism/adhd. This not only stems from the lack of knowledge in the healthcare system, but also the struggles we experience.

I, for example, have had both a diagnosis for social anxiety and depression through my teen years. Looking back, unsurprisingly so. I was bullied to oblivion for being outed (as both trans* and bisexual) whilst growing up in a small, Christian town. I say being outed, for both times I have been outed by those I wrongly assumed to be my friends/allies.

Transphobia and homophobia were part of my everyday life. Most human interactions I had were horrible, causing me to struggle with low self-esteem. Being ridiculed daily plus getting my trust broken so often, together with an immense burden of being overwhelmed by the noises of a school classroom caused me to go mute for most of 8th and 9th grade. I’m assuming I do not have to explain the concept of selective mutism to those reading, but this is what eventually caused my social anxiety diagnosis.

Of course, someone being bullied constantly plus struggling with severe personal trauma (I do not want to elaborate this, for it is beyond the point) will feel sad, have meltdowns (I would throw things around my room, clear my desk with my arm, punch walls and have yelling fits) and cry constantly. I was ostracized for being “the weird kid” with “weird hobbies and interests” and the loneliness made me extremely sad. Naturally, a depression diagnosis came my way.

Now, I am not saying people can not have multiple diagnoses. I, myself, do and many others do as well. Not only do many people have both autism and adhd, many people also have further mental illnesses that make their life hard.

I, for example, have been diagnosed with bipolar in my early adult years (around age 18/19). It is genetic in my case, but ever since taking medication for it, I have been doing much better. That, however, has not calmed the symptoms I personally attribute (potentially) to “my” autism/adhd. They are also not side effects of my medication, that has been ruled out.

Talking about the health system brings me to another huge flaw both people with neurodiversity and trans* individuals struggle with. Organizations and officials meant to help letting us down, failing us and making us the problem.

It starts with the health system. Simple things like autism in adults (no matter their gender identity, but especially for cis women and trans* people) not being diagnosed properly, being trans* still being (mainly legally) considered a mental disorder in many countries and vital health treatments being denied are quite literally killing us.

The suicide rates in trans* and neurodiverse people are at an all time high, the US is infuriatingly going back in history with their law-making and removing safe spaces whilst simultaneously endangering trans* individuals. That possibility of being hatecrimed both for not being cis as well as being neurodivergent has risen drastically. It shocks, angers and saddens me.

As an individual living in Germany, we might have public health insurance but not enough therapists, as previously elaborated. This and trans* people still having to go through multiple discriminatory processes to even get their gender recognized are just a few examples.

Of course we are often also failed by politicians, law makers, courts, police and any other institution that is there to defend and uphold democracy. If we even are lucky enough to live in a democratic state and not a monarchy with a power hungry heir or a state claiming to be democratic whilst their leader is clearly a dictator. (Looking especially at Russia, here.)

In Germany, for example, the government had promised to simplify the process of legally changing your name and gender by April of 2024. So far it has not made any progress whatsoever and with openly right-wing parties on the rise in most states the chances of it actually happening are minimal.

There is also a huge issue with police and not understanding who they’re protecting versus pursuing. Autistic people are often seen as aggressive in their meltdowns, causing them to be detained even when not the culprit whatsoever. Trans* people often have to let people from their opposite gender perform invasive and humiliating searches on them, something a cis person legally can contest. But we are not as lucky.

Some of the worst institutions when it comes to accommodation are schools. Trans* and neurodivergent students often get picked on by their teachers (for example through misgendering or being called upon even in their mute/overwhelmed stages). Trans* and/or neurodivergent students often get reprimanded for causing trouble, even when not the perpetrators. Neither the teachers nor headmasters seem to really care.

I have a more distinct anecdote for this one. I distinctly remember getting suspended from school for two days and having to come to the headmasters office with both of my parents in 9th grade. When I was in my teen years I had an admittedly unhealthy hyperfixation (I call it this for it was obsessive and involuntary, beyond my control and took my focus of school and any other responsibilities.) on school shooters, particularly Columbine. This was in 2015, so before liking True Crime became normalized.

Of course, as any teen I scribbled on my desk in school. Unfortunately scribbling the nicknames of the Columbine shooters was not the smartest idea. I didn’t understand that at the time, however. My sociology teacher saw after some students had told on me. I was sick that day and had no way of defending myself immediately. So instead my parents were called. I was in big trouble.

Not speaking with my classmates (due to my selective mutism) didn’t help. Neither did the fact that, due to my gender disphoria, most of my clothes were black oversized shirts, combat boots and cargo pants. I had short hair (that I had dyed black at the time.) and wore stark emo makeup. I not only fit the weird quiet kid in the back of the class stereotype perfectly but also dressed like the shooters I had been focusing on.

It was the second headmaster that called my mother. I have to give him a bit of a compliment here. His first question was not what I had done or what I was thinking. It was wether or not I was okay. (Which obviously, I wasn’t.) Unfortunately, reality looked very different when in the headmasters office.

The headmistress had returned from her vacation and absolutely tore me to pieces. She was convinced I was planning a school shooting myself. From telling me she should have just called the police, to telling me my behavior was unacceptable and inappropriate, telling me I vandalized school property (it was in pencil, I didn’t), to telling me everyone was afraid of me and all the school knew, she threw every accusation my way. It was not only intimidating, but I’ll always remember how much I had to mask in that moment.

Unfortunately the second headmaster didn’t help, telling me I should maybe look for happier interests, like flowers and bees. (Literally his words.) They didn’t understand, neither of them, that it was involuntary. I had no control over it. But neither did I. Back then, I didn’t know hyperfixations existed. I remember how guilty yet confused I felt, not understanding why everyone was so worked up about a simple scribble.

In retrospect I know the reason for the outrage. But never will I understand why on earth one would react so cruelly. The rest of my time there was hell. Half the school knew me as the person who planned a school shooting, stupidly believing I actually would. They didn’t know me, of course. Jumped to conclusions because I was different and didn’t fit in.

This school failed me hard time, just like the school before had. I’m still surprised I managed to finish tenth grade, with a friend in my class even. (We had bonded after I explained the situation to her.) I was lucky enough to go to a different school after a year of a mental health break, together with said friend who also had many issues with the school we went though, even though she was a neurotypical cis woman.

Moral of the story is: I am appalled how many times we get failed and disregarded.

But of course we do. For we, as trans* and neurodivergent people, have mastered masking. We had to pretend/were raised as a completely different person from who we actually are. Had to pretend to be and conform with a gender we were assigned at birth, even though we knew we never identified with. Had to pretend to be one of the neurotypical ones because we didn’t want to be even more different. We already didn’t fit in, neurodiversity was not something we needed.

Unfortunately, without a proper diagnosis, we never knew differently. Didn’t know why we always felt out of place, or why we suffered from constant imposter syndrome. How could we, when people constantly told us we were “normal” or “just a little sad” or “a bit of an outsider.” They didn’t see we needed help, even when the cries for help were as big as having morbid hyperfixations, injuring ourselves to fit the gender identity we wanted to fit (self-mutilation as well as wrong methods of for example binding).

No one helped us then.

And still, no one helps us.

Self-diagnosis is a last resort for many of us and many of us are not lucky enough to ever recognize who they truly are.

And that they’re okay the way they are.

I guess I’m writing this for the “weird kids.” The kids that were ridiculed for being different, the kids that never knew why they couldn’t seem to fit in. I see you. I used to be you. And only if we rise up, we cause an uproar, can anything ever change.

If you read this far I thank you. Feel free to leave comments, like, ask questions. My inbox is always open, also for anonymous questions.

[detachedfacade]

cw: panic attacks

Steve hadn't been coping well. He hadn't been for a few years, really. But he thought he had got over all of that, gotten past the nightmares and the insomnia. Since his very first run in with the upside down, Steve knew there had been underlying issues he was ignoring. His hearing loss, eyesight issues, nerve pain that seems to come and go with the wind. And the worst, frequent but unpredictable major panic attacks. He had never gone to the doctors for any of it. At first it was more about being an arrogant boy rejecting the need for help. More recently it was a matter of money.

After pulling Munson's body out of the upside down, Steve had blacked out. Hit his head on the counter in the trailer and, according to Robin, had a seizure. He didn't remember that. What he did remember was waking up in the hospital and immediately panicking about the bill, about the fact his parents had taken him off the insurance.

The nurse tried to calm him down, put her hands on his shoulders. But his body was tense and he couldn't breathe, and every noise that passed through his head felt fuzzy and painful and he pushed her back, hard. She returned with a doctor not long later but long enough that Steve had started picking at his stitches trying to pull them out. "I can't afford it." He said, knowing in the back of his mind his actions weren't rational, yet still unable to stop.

It was this panic attack that kept him in the hospital longer. Not just to clean up the wounds he had made a mess of but to deal with what was obvious to the doctors, his anxiety disorder. Steve refused to speak to any counsellors or therapists, what could he say to them that they'd believe? Ultimately they ended up putting him on a high dosage of diazepam and sent him on his way, told him his parents had taken care of the bill.

"My parents?" He asked. And the receptionist nodded over to the waiting room where they sat, his father pouring over the sports section of a day old newspaper, his mother chatting to a stranger sat beside her.

It was uncomfortable, but Steve had been uncomfortable for years. "Thanks for paying." Steve said. "I wouldn't have been able to…"

"It isn't a problem." His mother interjected. "It's…you're our son. I regret how things -" She sighed, looked up to the ceiling, blinked. "We thought we lost you, Steven. After the earthquake we rushed to your place, that awful little apartment and it was completely…It was just rubble. And the firemen couldn't tell us if you were in there…"

His father gripped her shoulder, rubbed his thumb in circles over her cashmere cardigan.

"Son." He said. "You're coming home with us, okay? You can hate us. We can have our differing opinions. I care more to know you are safe."

If he could, Steve would have cried then. But he hadn't cried in front of his father since he was five years old. He wasn't sure he was capable of it.

"Thank you." He said. "I don't really have any stuff."

"Everything you left is still in your bedroom." His mother said. "They may not be your favourite but I'm sure you'll still fit into all of your old clothes."

Steve wasn't necessarily excited about the idea of moving back home, losing the freedom he had found in that little apartment of his. But he was tired, he had nowhere else to go - not if he didn't want to be a burden to the Buckley's or the Henderson's. And frankly, he could use some parental love, even if it was conditional, even if it wouldn't last. So he followed them through the parking lot into the car. Took the seat on the left in the back, the one he had always sat in as a child, where the leather is more worn down and the window doesn't wind down all the way. And he felt like a child again, tucked into the back of his parents' lives.

After surviving the upside down, Eddie is concerned to find out Steve has moved back in with his homophobic parents. alternate title: Eddie Munson is Not Okay (I Promise).

Read more on ao3.

[butts-bouncing-on-the-beltway]

I feel like shit and have for weeks, I haven't had my meds in ages because the new psych place keeps forgetting to send me the contact info for the bridging service, I need to baby proof the whole apartment because Jaxxine has been An Nightmare when not immediately and actively supervised in the house recently, and also I haven't yet managed to collect more than half of what my monthly pay is supposed to be which is driving us financially into the ground.

I would really appreciate if anyone who has the money to spare was willing to send it our way. I'm trying so hard to be able to afford the copays for wifey to also get back on her meds, so she can pick up more hours at work and help cover the financial gap, but I can't keep us in the black long enough for her to both make an appt and attend.

I have venmo (morbidly-queerious) and my wife has paypal (marquisz23@gmail). I'm really not expecting anything, but I will be so grateful to anyone who is willing and able to lend or send a hand (willing and able to set up repayment plans!).

My caseload is picking up and I should be finally making about 70% of my salary in the next month, but that's still a lot less than we need, and rent is past due (again), on top of a past due insurance payment, and next month coming up with new rounds of each plus the car insurance (we usually pay yearly and that's about to run out). So the next few months are gonna be tricky for us before we fully stabilize.

If you want to donate something other than money, dog food is such a huge help, as are any gluten-free pantry goods you may have to spare. I am happy to chat in DMs more if you want to help but aren't sure how would be best for you.

Regardless of any donations I hope to keep making my blog an enjoyable place, so I'm not going anywhere!

[milomaxxy]

Seeing all the posts from people calling Palestinians people scammers bctheyre trying to raise money to evacuate their country has my blood fucking boiling.

Last year, in May, my family ended up in a homeless shelter after a year and some change of bouncing around staying with friends and family and trying to get into a home again. It was fucking terrible. We made a gofundme back then to try to raise something to help out, and spread it over Facebook groups mostly. That gfm was up for the entire time we were in that shelter- about six months- and we barely raised $400. It was devastating seeing there be maybe 20 donators, and spending hours begging online, while some whiny able white person complains about not being able to get a $200 Starbucks SpECiAl cup and got funded IMMEDIATELY. I saw post after post of people donating to people who wanted to "treat themselves", who wanted to go out to the bar with their friends and couldn't afford to, people who wanted to order pizza. Meanwhile every other post was someone begging for money to pay their rent, their car insurance/payment, their bills, fucking MEDICINE, and yet maybe 1 out of every 10 got fully funded. The majority of them couldn't even get $100, while the post beneath written by a snotty college kid who's complaining about how she hasn't gotten her nails done "properly in a little while" got OVER FUNDED (yes, this is a REAL EXAMPLE). It was actually fucking insulting for people to act like people like me, or others needing help, we're just scamming for money while they literally threw cash away at people "treating" themselves.

All this is to say that it is absolutely disgusting to see people say "ew they're just trying to sCaM yOuU" or "I can't really help sorry" only to turn around and hand $50 to someone who's bummed out they couldn't get sushi for dinner 🙄 (yes, another real example). It makes me slowly lose hope, especially in white people and doubly so in able-bodied people, bc it gets so much worse if someone mentioned being disabled. "You could just get a job" and various insults about being lazy, weak, bums are constantly thrown towards disabled people trying to raise funds. I got called a "worthless pussy" bc I gave medical documents as to why I couldn't work (one group wanted evidence for any donations posts).

With how fucking trashy, racist, ableist, and downright fucking terrible people are to anyone asking for money, what the actual fuck makes you think people are scamming you?? I can fucking guarantee you that they are NOT getting enough money to make it worth being treated like an actual fucking parasite by people who've never had to worry about where they're going to live or how they're gonna get their next meal. Y'all can't even fucking boycott McDonald's or Starbucks and yet you wanna fucking play pretend like you care where your money goes

[innovationentrepreneurship]

Mo Cars, Mo Problems

The most common problem I run into in the U.S. (most likely because I live in the south) is the lack of accessible transportation. Originally from Lithuania, I’ve grown up walking everywhere or biking if it was farther than a 20-minute walk. However, coming to the U.S. was a culture shock as I felt that I lost the freedom to go anywhere I wanted. Streets were made for cars, not pedestrians or bikers. Everything was EXTREMELY spread out, which made it even more difficult. While cities such as New York have incorporated a reasonable transportation system, my hometown (Miami) and college town (Houston) have disappointing layouts for their cities since they are so car-dependent. Therefore, I am always questioning why both cities (being one of the biggest ones in the United States) have not done anything yet to fix this issue and make it more livable for its people. WHO: Mainly low-income citizens who cannot afford to have a car or pay for gas. Also, the youth who legally cannot get a license but still have errands to run and places to be. And in general, everyone who may have an emergency once in a while and would not be able to use their car to get from one point to another. BENEFITS: It could potentially lower expenses on gas/car insurance, decrease traffic, increase socialization, and increase productivity.

[goodproblems]

Mo Cars, Mo Problems

PROBLEM: The most common problem I run into in the U.S. (most likely because I live in the south) is the lack of accessible transportation. Originally from Lithuania, I’ve grown up walking everywhere or biking if it was farther than a 20-minute walk. However, coming to the U.S. was a culture shock as I felt that I lost the freedom to go anywhere I wanted. Streets were made for cars, not pedestrians or bikers. Everything was EXTREMELY spread out, which made it even more difficult. While cities such as New York have incorporated a reasonable transportation system, my hometown (Miami) and college town (Houston) have disappointing layouts for their cities since they are so car-dependent. Therefore, I am always questioning why both cities (being one of the biggest ones in the United States) have not done anything yet to fix this issue and make it more livable for its people. WHO: Mainly low-income citizens who cannot afford to have a car or pay for gas. Also, the youth who legally cannot get a license but still have errands to run and places to be. And in general, everyone who may have an emergency once in a while and would not be able to use their car to get from one point to another. BENEFITS: It could potentially lower expenses on gas/car insurance, decrease traffic, increase socialization, and increase productivity.

[xo-boudless]

Dec 18 2022 (1)

(Skit) 1. Is it real or synthetic? What does synthetic mean? 2. Lincoln Heritage They are supposed to call you, you aren't supposed to be cold calling. Cold calling doesn't exist. Once you become part of the platform they are supposed to call you asking you for life insurance. These jobs are supposed to work for you not against you. --So, some of these jobs don't exist? That lady sitting across from you that's making 100 thousand a year at Lincoln heritage is using powers. She's not real. --What do you mean powers? When you sit in front of her you start thinking about how it happened. You start thinking that she had sex with someone. Or that they gave her all of the leads. When really you should be wondering why everyone that works in that office isn't making 100 thousand a year. Why does only one person receive it? That's the age old question. Why isn't money being dispersed evenly? Why is only one person making all of the money and they're doing the same thing that you are doing? So, I'm done asking about why and I'm looking for a solution. For example did you know that a life insurance agent is there to figure out a math problem? A life insurance agents job is to figure out a math equation for the customer If I had a car right now, I'd reapply to Lincoln heritage just to get the script and figure out the math equation. --Like grab a dry erase board and break it down for us? I think that's possible. I've learned that people don't like to share. They wouldn't give me the packet even if I begged at this point. It's one of the main reasons why I don't have a car. --What do you mean? I don't have a car because I lock up a lot. I stop asking for help. And then I end up driving without insurance. The way I get in trouble is a simple and logical explanation. I lose things and situations because I try to do them myself. I become the lawyer, judge, officer, and I don't ask for help. This doesn't just happen to me, it's a common occurrence. It's how people go homeless. If you're asking for an explanation as to why people go homeless, it's because they start to rely on themselves. Like for example, I think I'm being messed with. I haven't gotten my license in the mail yet and that would stop me from being able to purchase a car. I have a job that pays enough to get a car with the first paycheck. This job requires a car. Or I can pretend that I'm in New York and buy myself a handjack to carry the boxes of mail to the post office. 3. So the main point is to do things independently? Exactly. I was walking the other day and i saw the post office guy putting the letters in the mailboxes of my neighbors. And i thought that, that was one of the reasons why we aren't able to afford cars. We have one guy delivering all of our mail, when we should be responsible for going to the post office and picking it up ourselves. If each person picked up their own mail, now the focus would be on figuring out how to have each person have their own car. 4. Well we are running into a problem with this current job. The problem is that i need to rely heavily on my family to carry it out. I don't have my own car right now. If peoples lives were more tailored to them this would work out much better. For example. I'm an individual that loses their car constanlty. This wouldn't be a problem if i had the money to pay for another one. People try to help. Remember we're telepathic. So why offer a job that requires me to deliver packages rather than something i can be doing from home. This is why I love writing. It really gets me going and i start to plan out my whole day. I wrote all of this at 4 AM. 5. So, you lose cars? I have multiple friends that don't have a car. There's May, she doesn't have a license. There's Randi my ex girlfriend. She has a a license but after she totaled her first car she never got one again. She started to say that it was because she was scared of cars. Her family is poor but they can afford to buy her a new car if she asked for it. But she's tried with no luck. --Basically for some of you, a car is a waiting game? Exactly. Everybody is different, but don't be so surprised about the stories you hear regarding these machines. People will come up with the most ridiculous excuses as to why they don't have one. But what it comes down to is money. We started off talking about Lincoln Heritage. Where do you get these ideas from? Where do you get the inspiration to write about these things? With this one, i woke up from a dream and i just had the answer. There's a reason why money doesn't flow the way that it should.There's a reason why there's only one person in the room making 100 thousand a year and everyone else is struggling. Money covers up accidents and it covers up a persons habits. A habit can range from smoking, to buying cars. Each person is given a certain amount of money. They don't work for money, they are given it. Working fourty hours a week isn't working for money. --What do you mean exactly? It has to do with the fact that some people are unable to do it. Those jobs are mechanics basically. You go to your mechanic each day and you get fixed up. But these people have been going to bogus mechanics. They aren't getting the work done. They're getting fake parts. And when they go back to what they really do, they do a terrible job at it. What is a persons job? To live freely. Whenever they are off their job, depending on how happy they are depends on how good they fix the problems that they enjoy solving. What problems are those? Mental illness is one problem. It isn'ta doctors responsibility to solve mental illness. Mental illness stems from the lack of resources. For example. A person that is diagnosed with schizophrenia has a problem with losing their car. See how there is a clear and logical explanation to work with? But these doctors and psychiatrists give people another problem to work with. I see, so Instead of the logical explanation that this person loses cars. They throw in that this person hears voices, and that they can't sleep. The voices that person hears is them being yelled at by people for losing their car. Becasue if they simply just asked for help they wouldn't have lost it. Remember that they prevent criminals. Criminals aren't a bad thing, they are good people. So a criminal would drive without insurance. The police prevents criminals. So, to prevent that person to drive without insurance they would take the car away. But how they take the car away is magical. So that's why you sell your car. The police are trying to prevent you from doing a crime. They prevent us from doing a crime because the consequences are too great. But really the consequences aren't that bad. You'd get a ticket. You'd go to court. Your license would be suspended, and you'd have to pay surcharges. If you have a good enough excuse you might be let off with something that's easier to deal with. But you just got into an altercation with someone. That's the only reason why you're in court. See the point of the whole situation is that you need to fight with everything you have. But some people, like me, lose the fight. --But if you lose someone made you lose didn't they? You can fight. You can drive without insurance for some time. You can drive without having your registration card. You can drive without your license. Because those things do happen. The officer can only set you back so much and that's what they're trying to prove. That as long as you fight, and you need to fight, you'll always win. A job that you can do will always find you. If you get in trouble with the police a lot and you lose items a lot, then you should be fast enough to keep going without those items. 6. By learning about this cold calling thing. How does that help you in the job world? Well, you shouldn't be doing those types of jobs. You shouldn't be taking tests to do them. Like there's this advertisement going around for real estate. The guy gives you access to this software, and you call leads. Knowing that they should call you, you should now know not to pick up the phone and call random people. But the problem is that people do call. People that need a job that's simple and gives them just enough to live by so they can do what they need to do. Those are the robots in society. The ones that can work the same job for years and be comfortable enough to do it. The ones that can't do that regimen end up in jail. People are good at making fake look real. When they get those fake parts that keep them out of jail they're happy because anything is better than jail. But all those parts do is pass on jail to someone else.

[ms-demeanor]

My friend says not to vote in the upcoming election because our liberal establishment is no different from fascism and because Trump's policies are merely an extension of existing policies (like the ICE concentration camps that were established under Obama). How would you, being a leftist like me and my friend, respond to this attitude?

When I was in high school there was one cataclysmic, catastrophic, Very Important school board meeting.

It was a perfect storm of religious freedom, LGBT Rights, and Holy Shit You’re Talking About Taking Daycare Away from Students Who Are Parents.

The first thing, religious freedom, was exceptionally stupid but I think it’s a great example of how shitty the suburb I lived in was and what we were dealing with. Basically the D&D club that I started was accused of being Satanists and the Campus Christian Club was trying to get us shut down for worshipping satan. (I live in the fucking WORST part of LA County, I swear). The defense for the D&D club was pretty simple: If we’re worshipping satan as an on-campus activity at lunchtime we have every right to do so just like the Campus Christian Club an in fact if the Campus Christian Club got us shut down for practicing a different religion they’d made a very effective argument for shutting down their Praising Christ on-campus lunchtime activity.

The second thing was ANOTHER conflict with the Campus Christian Club - this was more serious. This was “High schoolers shouldn’t be exposed to deviant lifestyles and therefore we need to shut down the Gay/Straight Alliance.” At that point the GSA was also very new and I was also the VP of it. Spoilers: we were allowed to continue existing and we had speakers come in from time to time - we had grownups who talked to us about dealing with homophobia and resources for what happened if your parents kicked you out; we had a trans woman in her 50s come and talk to us (in 2003!) about transphobia and dysphoria and how to cope. The adviser handed out a packet to all of us that had the suicide hotline number right at the top, I know at least three people used that number the first year. The defense for the GSA was actually another handy-dandy page out of the ACLU handbook: The Campus Christian Club’s definition of deviance is something they have a right to hold but not to impose on other people - if you ban the GSA based on being ‘deviants’ you are imposing someone else’s belief system on us so knock it off unless you want to be a fun LA Times story.

The third thing didn’t have ANYTHING to do with the Campus Christian Club and was much worse because it had to do with funding and teen moms. The third thing was “The district believes it’s a waste of money to continue to pay for childcare at the district continuation school; if you can’t afford childcare you should have thought of that before becoming a teen mom, good luck getting a babysitter while you’re trying to finish high school.” Four of the students from the continuation school had showed up with their children and their defense of the daycare program was basically (and understandably) “What the fuck you fucking ghouls we just want to finish school and it’s one fucking daycare provider on campus you already have to pay the insurance for childcare providers for other schools in the district what the fucking fuck.”

The D&D Club, GSA, and Childcare for Teen Parents Program were all allowed to continue existing.

By one vote.

By someone who had recently been elected to the school board.

By four votes.

Four people went out and voted that November. Four people filled in a bubble on a ballot.

The GSA did fundraisers to pay for STI testing and suicide prevention. My friend Michelle graduated on time with her daughter waiting in the crowd. Knowing that adult trans people could survive and exist and thrive and love themselves was lifesaving information for a few kids in the GSA.

Four votes. If four people stayed home that’s a hundred fewer STI tests, that’s wondering if Michelle would ever be able to get a job when she didn’t have a diploma and couldn’t hire a babysitter. That’s three dead queer kids and another two homeless.

And it didn’t happen. Because four people filled in a couple of bubbles one night in November.

Voting is not activism but it is by no means useless. If your friend is incapable of distinguishing fascism and liberalism that sounds like a them problem and it sucks to be them; that amount of nihilism is hard to carry around.

People who criticize leftists for “electoral apologism” or whatever for voting are the “yet you participate in society, curious. I am very intelligent” comic

Yeah, the system’s shitty. Yeah, it sucks and should be overthrown. But it’s not overthrown YET so we may as well take advantage of the few areas of harm reduction the system allows. Voting doesn’t mean you STOP doing direct action or that you stop pushing for change, it just means you’re doing the single easiest real-world thing to alleviate suffering. And if it doesn’t work who gives a fuck - you did the bare minimum and it cost you a small amount of time.

Vote and then go hand out food in the park or cut the valve stems off a cop car if you’re feeling angsty about conceding to the system.

(also FUCK, you have no idea how much I hate having to defend the Obama administration but please go talk to a trans person about whether it is easier or harder to get healthcare in their state under Trump or under Obama. I fucking hate liberals but I don’t think that they’re actively interested in overturning Roe V. Wade. Fuck this political purity culture and go learn about harm reduction.)

[ceramicskies]

Anyways might be a long shot but if anyone can spare a few dollars I’m in the negatives in my bank account and my next paycheck on Friday is gonna be short $100-200 due to being sick. I have to pay rent and a couple other bills and I’ve yet to receive my $750 from the Colorado government which is solely going towards new brake pads for my car and paying off some of my credit debt. I was supposed to get it by September 30, and it’s October 18. I’ve already filled out the lost check form and mailed it off over a week ago and still haven’t heard anything.

I’ve been struggling monetarily for over a year due to my bad luck of continuously getting sick and having bad things happen to me, including a car accident (not my fault, someone rear ended me) making me lose my previous delivery job and needing emergency surgery on my teeth without health insurance. I’m really tired of borrowing and owing my abusive mom money. I just paid off the last of what I owed her on a credit card but I still owe her $700+. I’m struggling to find a second job cuz no one in Denver is actually hiring part time people and expect me to leave my main job which I’m not willing to do when they pay significantly less with worse scheduling. I get paid well at my current job, but they are not able to offer me anymore than 30 hours a week so I’m getting by on $2000-2400 a month with $1000 rent and $600+ car bills including monthly payment and insurance. Not to mention all my other bills and food.

I have to see an accountant soon because the IRS lost my W2s and I don’t have copies of them due to having 7-8 jobs last year, but I need to fix it before next tax season. I may have to rehome my chinchilla who I’ve had for seven years because it’s getting to the point where I have to decide between feeding myself or giving him a good life. He’s been my emotional support animal since I got him and I don’t want to have to do this, but it’s something I’m having to consider now. I’ve already tried selling my car so I can have that extra $600/month but I’m stuck in a car loan where I owe more than what it’s worth. Refinancing isn’t possible yet and I can’t afford the personal loans that were offered to me either. I’m at my wits end not knowing what to do anymore. I don’t have anything to offer but I’d appreciate even a dollar.

Venmo: Alexis-Moores-1

[dovesndecay]

You may have heard that Biden has opened up a Special Enrollment Period for people to apply for health insurance through the Affordable Care Act. 

(I’m not going to comment on how people are suddenly actually calling it the ACA instead of “Obamacare” now that Biden is in office. But please know that I’ve noticed.)

Back in 2015, I worked for the ACA at one of their call centers. My job was to take inbound calls from consumers seeking to apply for health insurance or seeking more information about it. 

Note: Don’t pay an agent to help you, if you can help it. The ACA call centers are free and they have provisions for accessibility. 

So I’m gonna give you the down & dirty shitty information about the ACA. 

[A Disclaimer: Some aspects of the program may have changed since I worked for the call center. If you currently work for the program, and you know of any information here that is outdated, please feel free to let me know! And if any of it is confusing, please don’t hesitate to contact their call center! I’ll put contact information at the very bottom of this post.]

It’s entirely based on your projected income for the year of your coverage and the size of your household -- that’s the number & ages of the people that you’ll be putting on your taxes at the end of the year. 

If that number changes, report it as soon as possible. If you have another kid, get married, someone dies, etc, report it. This will give you your own Special Enrollment Period, and your eligibility results will likely change. This also applies to moving homes, any change in your income, job, etc. Not all of these will open up an SEP, but you still need to report it because it is going to affect your taxes. [You’ll get a form that you need to file at the end of the year with the rest of your tax information]. 

For the record: Cancellation of your policy due to non-payment will not open a Special Enrollment Period. You have to pay the first premium BEFORE the policy starts. Call the provider and do it as soon as possible. I can’t tell you how many people I had to explain this to, and that’s why it gets its own bullet point. 

Depending on that number, you may qualify for an “premium tax credit.” 

This is essentially putting your estimated tax return towards your health insurance for the year instead of getting it back when you file your taxes. 

If you qualify for the PTC, you have the option to not use it. In this case, however much you qualify for will simply be sent to you as your usual tax refund, just like always. 

If you qualify, and you use it, your monthly payment will be lowered. You can even choose how much of it to use. But you won’t get that money back when you file your taxes. 

You may be asked to send in supporting documents for information you put in your application. If you fail to do this, your policy may be canceled and you may lose your PTC. If you make your own HC.gov account, you will be able to upload your documents into your account. If you call in to do it, you’ll have to actually mail the documents out. 

Okay, so what’s the best and worst possible outcomes of using the Premium Tax Credit? 

The Worst: If you make more than you expected when you filled out the application, you will owe money to the IRS. Yeah, you gotta pay that back. 

The Best: If you make less than you expected, you may get some money back when you file taxes. Yay? 

What if I don’t have any income? Or not enough to qualify for any help?

Most likely, your information will be automatically forwarded to your state Medicaid department to see if you qualify for that program. 

Here���s the kicker, though. 

Although all states were given the option to expand their Medicaid programs to include more people, not all of them chose to do so. There was no deadline on it, so states that haven’t yet expanded could do so at any time. 

If you live in a state that expanded their Medicaid program, great! You’ll simply follow up with Medicaid, and go from there. (I have no insight into Medicaid and their requirements for qualifications, so more information on that will have to come from a different source.) 

If you, like me, live in a state that has not expanded their Medicaid program, well...honestly, we’re just shit out of luck. Your eligibility results from Healthcare.gov will still tell you that they send your information to Medicaid, but ultimately, it’s useless. Unless you’re actively pregnant or disabled in a specific way, they’re going to deny you, and send you back to the ACA. 

The ACA’s cheapest plans are “Catastrophic Plans.” These basically only cover you if you have a horrible car accident, for example. You’ll be paying hundreds of dollars a month to have shitty insurance that won’t cover you until you’re thousands of dollars in debt to a hospital. The deductibles -- which is the amount you have to pay in to the insurance plan before they’ll start cover things -- are disgustingly high. 

I’ve seen the ACA make things easier for a lot of people. I really have. But I’ve also had to listen to people sob over the phone because they didn’t qualify for any assistance, even though they had a desperate need for the help and the coverage. 

The ACA was a bad idea but not for the reasons a lot of conservatives think. It was a bad idea because it doesn’t help everyone. 

If you can get a good plan through the ACA, great, good for you. But this is the time when you need to be advocating for Medicare For All, because there are too many of us -- so many in vulnerable positions who desperately need care and can’t get it because this program isn’t accessible for everyone. Start yelling at your representatives to push Medicare For All, because we need it. 

Contact Information for the Affordable Care Act:  healthcare.gov | 1-800-318-2596 (TTY: 1-855-889-4325)

[punyhoomans]

My landlord illegally evicted me and I need help covering legal fees and moving costs.

Hola, y’all. I super didn’t want to be here again, but I need your help.

When the pandemic caused my job site to shut down, I was able to work from home, but with no opportunity for overtime, my income was reduced by nearly 1/3rd. I had to cancel my car insurance and suspend my phone service. When I attempted to explain this difficulty meant I might need to wait for my stimulus check to pay rent for April, She accused me of “capitalizing on the pandemic”, “taking advantage”, and “making her look bad to the bank”. She refused to either accept delayed payment or to do anything at all to mitigate the problem on her end. (At the time, I had been the only renter in a 10 bedroom Airbnb house in *weeks*.)

On Friday, May 8th, after weeks of documented harassment, insults, threats, and turning off the wi-fi (preventing me from working from home and jeopardizing my job) my landlord somehow found my twitter and fabricated a claim of fear for her safety to the police and forced me to leave, abandoning the majority of my possessions in the single airbnb room I was renting in her basement.

The police said they couldn’t keep me from coming back but that I should call them to standby. I came back the next day and called them. She (the landlord) immediately began screaming at police and at me and did not stop the whole time I was there. I barely had time to grab clothes and my work laptop.

On Monday, May 11th, she texted me and demanded I have my stuff out by Friday, May 15th or she would take me to court. The soonest I could schedule movers was that friday, so again I went to the house with the police and she refused to allow me entry to pack or clean until the movers showed. The movers ended up getting stuck on another job, and the police hadn’t stuck around, so I left. The next day (Saturday, May 16th) she texts me to demand I have my stuff out by the next day (Sunday, May 17) or she will “break down the door and charge [me] for it before throwing my stuff into the street.”

By some miracle, I was able to speak to a lawyer’s assistant Saturday night, and sunday I went to the house with the police yet again (with whom she got into a shouting match) to ask her to agree not to touch my stuff until Monday.

TODAY, MONDAY MAY 18TH: The lawyer agreed to help, to the tune of $300/hr ($525 total). The Housing Court clerk told me to file a Statement of Fact form to open a case against the landlord.

I sent the form, and they called her to see if this could be resolved before taking it to a judge. She is maintaining her position that I cannot come into the house until the movers and police are there. I can’t afford to pay movers $150/hr in 15min increments to hang around while I clean and pack, nor can I afford to hire movers now, and then again when I find another place to live. If the case goes before a judge, I will have to pay $130 to open the case and an additional $90 if the judge makes a ruling, not to mention the possibility of more attorney costs.

Since Friday the 8th, I have had to pay:

$1250 for an airbnb

$510 for an emergency car repair

$300 for an ER visit for kidney stones woooo

$700+ dollars in legal fees.

I still need to pay movers which can cost up to $600 per trip, and move in costs for a new place, which can be up to $3000 or more.

I’m still working, thankfully. I get paid again the 29th, but I will still be far behind where I need to be to get a new place.

This has been a sickening, infuriating, exhausting, humiliating experience.

If you can, please consider donating? If you can’t, please consider signal boosting? Either way, thank you for taking time to read about my continuing misadventures.

paypal.me/allanc3001

ko-fi.com/punyhumans

(venmo) @ allan-cancinos

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