#I may die from the rest of it though; wish me luck

[sluttish-armchair]

2:35 hours worked so far today…

15 Winstons traced overall (throughout the past five days); probably about twenty-ish corridor in-between slow-down frames drawn and rearranged.

I want to rewatch [redacted animator who also did everything himself]’s work again to study his visual distortions and camera angles so I can figure out how to make a 2D equivalent. I wanna do psychedelic stuff too

[meowzfordayz]

hashira accidentally touch your chest

Author’s Note: pls and ty enjoy this tidbit of crack-fluff. 😆💖

hashira accidentally touch your chest

Hashira x Reader

Word Count: ~1,600

CW: explicit language, Fem!Reader, mild sexual content

Suggestion Fulfilled: Can we get all hashira accidently touch y/n's breast

~faqs~

Fyi, “chest” means boob. I was just worried Tumblr would block this post from tags if I included “boob” in the title lmao. 😉

Shocked 😳😖

“I apologize, [y/n]-san, it won’t happen again!”

Gyomei’s nearly in tears, he feels so terribly 😞

“These things happen!” you promptly assure him, “Besides, you technically won the bout.”

No need to mention that he always wins when training together 🥲

“I cannot accept such a tainted victory.”

“Himejima-san, though I appreciate your concern and respect, there’s truly no issue.”

Meanwhile, Gyomei’s rethinking his entire Breathing Style to ensure he never accidentally touches anyone’s boob(s) again 💀 

In cold disbelief 😐😐😐

If you don’t say anything, then he won’t say anything

Alternatively, if you do say something, then Obanai will immediately curl up into a ball and die

Spends the rest of his day recalling the fleeting warmth of your breast

He swears his hand doesn’t even get cold, so affected by the heat of your bosom

Your boob must be ✨magical✨

“Iguro-san,” you call out gently, noting his dazed stare, his dinner untouched while he sits crossed legged, “Is something on your mind?”

“No.” 😐😐😐

Well okay then 🙃

“About what happened earlier…”

🫨🫨🫨 <— Obanai is FREAKING OUT

“��� Iguro-san, I didn’t mind.”

And then you stand up, take your dishes, and leave

WHAT THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN MEEEAAAN?!?!?!

Good luck finding Obanai tomorrow 🫡 (the poor man’s been pleasantly overwhelmed)

He’ll avoid you for eternity now 😌 (not really, but at least until he can breathe around you again)

She giggles 🤭

Lol

“Oh my! [y/n]-san, I didn’t mean to touch you so intimately!” 😅

“No worries, it happens.”

Your face may or may not be burning up a storm, but that’s okay!

Mitsuri’s blushing too

A lot 😳

“I hope I didn’t hurt you?!”

Because like, What if I gripped too hard?! 😭

She’s well aware of her own strength

“You barely brushed me, Kanroji-san. I promise!”

Phew!

She grins, relief evident as she bumps her elbow against yours

“Don’t tell anyone, okay? I would be so embarrassed!!!”

“Kanroji-san, our secret is safe with me.”

I wish it would happen again… <— lowkey both of you thinking the same thing 🤪

As a medical personnel (among other roles), Shinobu accidentally (or even on purpose, depending on where you’re wounded) touching your boob isn’t entirely unreasonable nor unrealistic

Obviously it would be nicer if she was caressing you out of love and affection 😔

And not methodically cleansing then bandaging claw marks that just so happened to cross over your chest 😒

“You should make a full recovery,” she’s all business, “The demon avoided your nipple and didn’t puncture deep enough to affect the functionality of your breast,” fortunately, you’re too exhausted to be embarrassed by her bluntness, “It has a nice shape. I’m glad you survived.”

EXCUSE ME WHAT?!?!?! 😃🫠

Now you’re kinda embarrassed

More so preening, really 🤭

It’s like when a doctor randomly compliments the rhythm of your heart or some other characteristic from a mainly professional POV, but you’re still caught off guard because who tf compliments someone’s kidneys or bowels movements or?????

In your pain hazed delusion, you briefly contemplate somehow getting your other boob injured too… gotta make sure you’re matching in (nice) shape, y’know? 😌

Kyojuro can be discreet, albeit more so for your sake than his

“I APOLOGIZE! I DID NOT MEAN TO TOUCH YOUR BREAST!” <— how he could react 💀

“Pardon my slip, are you okay?” <— how he actually reacts, because he isn’t entirely lacking in social awareness and decorum 😆

“Oh,” you don’t mean to squeak, but it can’t be helped when the most handsome man you’ve ever known just casually grazed your boob, “I’m fine! Totally fine! Haha!” 🫨😵‍💫🫠

You’ve gotta be more convincing than that, or Kyojuro will never forgive himself 😕

He’s a lil oblivious when it comes to physical attraction

Not like, infantly so, but given this particular circumstance?

He doesn’t realize you’re flustered; he assumes you’re mortified 😖

“You sound decidedly less than fine.”

He’s softer now, worried about startling you 🥺

“I was surprised! But don’t worry! I’m not worried!”

Okaaay, but he’s worried 🥲

“Is there any way I could make amends for my indiscretion?”

Not only is he handsome, but he is such a gentleman 😭😍

“Rengoku-san, there are no amends to be made, I promise. I’m not mad, nor do I feel unhappy or unsafe. I forgive you.”

Your regaining of the ability to speak in complete sentences greatly reassures him 😮‍💨😁

“Ah. Well. I am grateful for your kindness and understanding. It will not happen again.”

…

…

Hold up 🧐

Why does she seem… she seems… disappointed? Should I have said it will happen again??

You’ve suddenly given Kyojuro something quite pleasant to ponder 🤔

After all, he isn’t entirely oblivious 😉

“Are you going to apologize?” Sanemi demands

“For what?” you screech

“For touching my hand with your boob!”

Your eyes roll, “Oh fuck off!”

“I didn’t ask to touch you,” he grunts

“I wouldn’t have given you permission anyway,” you retort 😒

Arms crossing over his bare chest, Sanemi scoffs, “Well I didn’t give mine either!”

“You’re ridiculous. It was an accident.”

You seem genuinely pissed 😬

Sanemi rethinks his approach

“You know I’m joking, right?” 😅

“Nooo,” your sarcasm cuts deep, “I thought you were flirting.” 😐

Uh 😀

Well 😃

Shit 😄

“Fuck you!” 

When in doubt, curse ‘em out 💀

You scowl, confusion lingering as your blood boils, “Fuck you!”

“I said it first.” 🙄

You stalk away, fed up with his antics

#man child #sort of #romantically inept is more like it

As tends to happen with epiphanies, yours doesn’t hit until you’re almost asleep

“WAS THAT MOTHERFUCKER FLIRTING WITH ME???!” 😳🥴😭

Best believe Shinazugawa Sanemi is about to have a Lesson 101 in flirting asap 😤😎

(assuming you’re older, like, mentor age to Muichiro)

Neither of you make a fuss about it

It’s like accidentally calling your teacher mom 😬

Or grabbing a random person’s hand in the supermarket thinking they’re your parent 🫣

Embarrassing, but not a huge deal — unless you make it one

There’re those three seconds of slow motion Uhh and What just happened and Oops 🫠

And then time speeds up to normal again, you have a quick conversation with your eyes (gosh forbid you speak and bring the unspoken into reality 💀), and it’s over

^^ Alternatively, if Muichiro initiates a conversation to clear the air, then you’re able to have a mature and concise chat that is respectfully and patiently resolved

Embarrassing/accidental encounters are part of growing up

As long as they can be navigated ~safely, there shouldn’t be any lasting harm

⚠️I also want to emphasize that I am talking solely on inarguably accidental/one time incidences⚠️

Hehehe

Giyuu’s hand is stuck 🫣

Only for like, a fleeting second

But omg 😭

He was already embarrassed, and now he’s triply embarrassed 🫠🫠🫠

“... Tomioka-san?”

You won’t lie; you aren’t especially bothered 🤭

But it is a compromising position to be caught in; Giyuu lowkey crushing you, one of his palms clearly cupping your boob 😬

#wrestling #or something #so maybe this isn’t super realistic #forgive me

You’re about to repeat his name when he finally springs to life, immediately rolling off you, standing abruptly, about to literally sprint away

And then he remembers his manners 🙃

He offers you a hand

His other hand; his boob hand is currently tucked away in his haori

He’s never washing it again

#closet perv

“Thanks,” you smile faintly, accepting his assistance as you lift yourself from the ground

You hope he can’t hear your heartbeat 💓

He definitely can 😶

But can you hear his?

“I don’t think we should train together anymore.”

Giyuu is swift and harsh with his solutions

“Why?”

Your question comes out stiffer than intended

He hesitates, unable to interpret the fear in your tone — the longing

“I always beat you,” he explains lamely, “Don’t you get tired of losing?”

You scoff cheerfully, grinning now as you squeeze his hand

Fuck, we were still holding hands?! <— Giyuu is in shambles 😳

“I could never lose!” you declare, feelings brimming in your throat, spilling onto your tongue, “Not when I’m with you.”

Then we should absolutely stop training together would be the responsible reaction

Attachments are the most dangerous game for a Hashira to play 😕

Instead, Giyuu’s rendered speechless, unable to shake his hand from yours

“Well alright then,” he mutters, stomach churning as he narrowly avoids the warmth in your gaze

In fact, you swear he squeezes back 💓

“EXCUSE ME! I HAVE A WIFE!” 😤😤😤

“You have three wives.” 🙄

Sputtering, Tengen shrieks, “I already have plenty of breasts to touch!” 

“Tengen,” you glare, not one to back down as you jab a finger into his own chest, “You touched my boob.” 😒

“AND I’M SORRY!” 😭

Much better 😌

“I don’t know what they see in you,” you scoff (you’re also lying, you can see plenty🤭), “They’re gorgeous… and you freak out when you accidentally touch a boob.” 💀

Tengen is 100% pouting now

“I don’t freak out when I touch their boobs,” he huffs

“Well aren’t they lucky.” 😐

“You could be lucky too!”

…

…

Tengen starts running 

You give chase

“DID YOU TALK TO THEM ABOUT THIS?” 

Tengen runs faster

“TENGEN!!!!!”

Tengen runs faster and faster

You give up

*insert gasping for air here*

“DO YOUR WIVES KNOW THEY’RE MARRIED TO A COWARD???!!!”

Oh well, you’ll have to visit their estate sometime this week 🙃

You’re sure to get an answer from Hina, Makio, and Suma ☺️

And you can’t wait to see more of Tengen 😏😋

Sorry, sometimes the horny just happens 🥴

[idyllcy]

you make me wanna make ya fall in love

word count: 1.97k || EMT Leon || slightly ooc + flirting (HIPAA violation)

summary: the 2000s called, they want their romcom plot back

"I'm actually gonna pass out." You sit on the couch, blinking rapidly as your head goes light.

"I called 911 already, so hang in there, alright?!" Ashley stays connected to the call, holding you up as you groan, stomach caving in on itself and your eyes giving out. Oh, god, is this how you die? You focus on breathing through your mouth, ignoring the way Ashley's voice is reduced to ringing and the way you're sweating buckets. Ew. Maybe you should've— oh. this is because you didn't eat, huh? It is 8pm. Yeah, this one's on you. Maybe the heavens will be nice and let a nice hot EMT show up to your door and save your ass— yeah, tough luck.

You can't believe you're about to pass out and all you can think about is men. You're literally failing the Bechdel test. What are you? Some poor girl in a teenage romcom? You're not even a teenager.

You close your eyes for some shut-eye, disrupted when you're shaken awake, blinking slowly as you catch sight of Ashley first, holding her chest in relief when you stare at her.

Then, you notice him—

Beautiful blonde hair, brilliant blue eyes, arms hard as a rock, you might've just died and landed in heaven. Are you in heaven? Surely you must be. This man looks so gorgeous it's incredible. You have to be in heaven right now. You blink at him with doe-eyes, confusion visible on your face. Ashley's here, so you're not in heaven. Did you just happen to have a super hot EMT show up to your door like you had been imagining? Oh, god, are you... psychic? This is a revelation! This is insane! You have to—

No, seriously. You're not in a romcom. Can the narrator stop describing it like it's some sort of a romcom? The 2000s called, they want their cheesy romcom plotline back.

"Fucking hell." You groan, shifting against the wall. "How long was I out?"

"Ten minutes." The man reads. "You're just low in blood sugar. We have some orange juice, would you like that?"

"Yeah. Sure." You furrow your brows. "God, wow, count on my body to shut down without sugar."

"It happens." He thanks his coworker for the glass, holding it to your lips. "Tilt, please."

You tilt your head back slightly to press your lips to the glass, drinking it as you lean back to lick your lips, offering to take the glass from him as your arms start cooperating. "I can do it."

"Best not to." He nods. "Just finish the glass. We'll stay until your blood sugar rises."

"Isn't it almost immediate?"

"Takes around 15 minutes."

You raise a brow at Ashley, who shakes her head, and you finish the rest of the glass, watching as Leon checks your stats.

"How often does this happen..." You glance at his nameplate. "Leon?"

"More often than you'd think." He hums, tilting his head at you as Ashley talks to the other worker about your insurance. "Let me guess, you forgot to eat?"

"Yeah. My body stops feeling hunger after a certain point." You hum. "It's not super good, huh?"

"Yeah. Try to have some candy or juice throughout the day. It helps." He nods. "College student life, huh?"

You tilt your head. "How old are you?"

"Been a few years since school." He nods. "Your blood sugar's back to normal, sugar."

You hold your hand over your mouth, raising a brow at him. "That definitely breaks some sort of work protocol."

He smiles, sneaking you a candy from his pocket with a wink.

Huh. Hard caramel.

"Are you alright?" Ashley rests a hand on your shoulder, and you give her a thumbs up.

"All good." You lean against the wall to get up. "I should eat, though."

Leon grabs your arm, helping you up. "Definitely. Have something high in sugar or carbs."

"Will do, Leon." You nod. "Wishing you an uneventful work day. May no emergency be absolutely awful."

"Thank you. Those days are the best."

You send them off as Ashley starts nagging about not eating, and you pout as you lock eyes with her, door locked, ambulance gone.

"Yeah, he was hot."

"YEAH, HE WAS."

You forget about him, though. You start popping candy throughout the day, same brand as the one Leon had given you, your lips curled upwards sweetly when it hits your tongue. It's not food, but at least you won't be passing out because your blood sugar's low again.

You're also never going to see him again, so it's fine if you carry a piece of him around with you.

Except you do. You see him at the EMT booth at a local concert, Ashley in your arms because there's something wrong with her this time. (You really ought to start taking care of yourselves, huh?)

"Ah, sugar." Leon smiles. "Friend this time?"

"Yes." You set her down as he checks up on her. "Is she okay?"

"Seems fine. Just needs some water. Dehydration. How long you been out there?"

"Since morning." You glance at the venue. "Didn't eat either, though I've been having candy."

"That's not good for you, sugar." He hands Ashley a bottle of water, sending her off with you. "Go grab some food."

You watch as he fishes out a twenty from his pocket, blinking as he holds it out to you.

"I can't take that from you, sir."

"Nonsense. Concert food is expensive. It's on me." He smiles.

"You're still breaking workplace rules, I see." You rummage through your pockets, taking Leon's hand as you place a caramel in his hand. "As a thank you."

"I'm sure it'll be delicious later." He smiles. "Now, off you go. We've got quite a line."

"Wouldn't dream of holding you up, Leon." You lead Ashley to the side by the crowds, waiting for her to grab a drink before pulling her to grab something to eat. You pay for her food first, setting Ashley with the rest of your friends before waving to get something of your own.

"Get his number!" She manages to yell as you disappear into the crowd.

Now that's breaking protocol.

Yet, you use the remainder of Leon's money to get him something to eat, waiting for the line to dissipate slightly before handing him a drink.

"For me?"

"It's got... liquid IV in it." You scrunch your nose. "Hopefully that's not a scam."

"Not completely." He takes it from you, pinching at the straw to mix it. "Did you eat?"

"I was about to."

He glances at his coworker and then the intermission.

"That'd be bad, Kennedy." The woman next to him warns.

Leon sighs. "Have fun eating."

"Thank you again." You grin.

"Ah, and for dessert." He reaches for your hand, placing another candy in it. "A hard caramel."

"I'm starting to think you have a thing for caramels, Leon." You raise a brow, taking two steps back before throwing a wave his way. "I'll pay you back later!"

You grab dinner with the rest of your friends, waving bye to them when they leave to continue, Ashley making sure that you've got candy on you before she's gone. You have one final singer that you'd like to see before you leave the event. You're glad you live close to the venue. You could probably walk back or uber if you were really desperate. Though, you wonder just how long the EMT are staying.

You find yourself mixed into the crowd as you wait, jumping when your favorite artist finally appears, cheering with everyone else. You don't blame the rest of them for retiring early. You're the only one who listens to this artist anyway. The setlist has you jumping, cheering at the live vocals, yelling your heart out with the lyrics, and when the set finishes, the sun's almost down. It'd be smart of you to head out at this point.

You make a turn to head back, popping the caramel in your mouth, stopping in your tracks when a man blocks your way.

"Where ya off to, sweetheart?"

"...Oh, you know." You smile, nodding to excuse yourself.

"Need a ride home?"

"Truly, it's alright—"

"I insist."

You wrack your brain for a solution, yelping when you feel hands on your waist instead, pulling you backwards. Your back is flush against someone's chest, smile on his lips as you blink. Sure hope it's not some other creep.

"Hey, you good bro? Had one too many to drink? I suggest the EMT tent."

You let out a sigh in relief, watching as the guy notices the uniform and scrambles.

"Thank you." You turn around, smile on your lips as Leon nods.

"You're just too lovely, sugar. Gotta keep those flies off of ya." He nods. "You feeling alright?"

You nod.

"Gone all quiet on me?" He tilts his head. "Alright, up you go."

You yelp as he lifts you into his arms effortlessly, arms wrapping around his neck as he carries you out of the crowd. He presses his forehead to yours to check your temperature, looking to the side when you don't react at all.

"You good?"

"I'm fine, Leon. You didn't need to." You let him take your vitals, the tent practically empty now that the concert was finishing up. His coworker nods at him and heads out, and leaves you with Leon. That's gotta be illegal in some way. There is no way a law is not being broken right there. Aren't they both supposed to get off at the same time? Is that?? legal? Is their shift over?

"You seem fine." He kneels at your chair, fingers on your wrist as he takes your heartbeat. "Heart's a little fast, though."

"Yeah?" You mumble. You're sure you look embarrassed beyond belief right now, so you opt for sucking on the caramel in your mouth.

You're not surprised he takes notice. "Actually, I think my head's spinning just a little. Must be the lack of sugar. You got any on you?"

"Well, I kind of ate my last one..." You mumble, sticking your tongue out with the candy.

"I don't mind."

"Yeah?" You suck on the candy.

"Of course not, sugar." He leans in, tilting his head. "Yeah?"

"Yeah, who am I to say no?"

You let him kiss you, tongue with the caramel offered to him, sugar on your lips and his from it, though you would argue that the only reason the candy seemed to taste so good was because of him. You tilt your head to angle better, Leon's hands finding yours on the chair, pushing himself to you with a hum in his throat, tongue in your mouth as he steals the caramel from you. You don't mind. You might've just tasted a slice of heaven of your own.

You pant, tongue stuck out and mouth open as Leon shows you the candy on his tongue, smiling.

"You got a ride home, sugar?"

"You gonna kidnap me?" You raise a brow, licking your lips for whatever remnant of him is left on you.

"Not with this pretty lady, no." He smiles.

"Breaking work protocol again, I see."

"I'm off duty." He glances to the side as the new shift arrives, and Leon offers a hand to help you up. "Don't worry, sugar, you can pass out on my car. I've got all the candy you could want."

"Hm..." You tap your chin, taking his hand as he pulls you with him, not letting go.

"Hm what?"

"How about we grab brunch sometimes nearby? Just to make sure my sugar levels don't drop from forgetting to eat?" You tilt your head, watching as Leon tilts his head back to you.

"Oh, sugar. You don't even need to ask."

[punkzines]

flashback

part 1 || part 2

summary: you were drowning but were saved.

a/n: this is actually really bad. but i wanted to show ya’ll how godzilla and reader met frfr.

You couldn’t breathe.

How long was it, since you took your last, deep breath?- Please let me breathe- Only the salty cold water entered your lungs, you were drowning. They filled up with water so fast yet so painfully slow- you could feel it. You were about to die, you knew it. There was no point in fighting it anymore. You were weak- someone help me.

The ocean currents were unforgiving, harsh. They didn’t care that you had a whole life ahead of you. You were at its mercy. You moved and moved like a ragdoll, you were not in control. You never were. And you could barely hear the screams of the others who are in the same position as you, or you may be hallucinating their screams, they could be dead! Or maybe you are dead, and your death is just replaying and replaying and replaying-

A big wave had hit your boat - where is that damn boat- a wave of bad luck but your birthday did always bring that type of thing, didn’t it? You had a feeling that this would happen. Nevertheless, you’d been on this big boat, a party! And it was sunny! Fuck, fuck, fuck- There were a lot of people, people who you didn’t know about, strangers. I hope they survive- Your family hadn’t come either, since you lived pretty far away from them. You were supposed to go meet them next week to celebrate your special day.

Seems like they were coming to meet you instead, huh? They’ll never find your body though.

And now, here you were— falling deep into the depths of the ocean, time passed in a blur. You could feel yourself slipping, your lungs heavy, and the pain was beginning to blur out. Maybe the pain was too great to even feel at this point. Who knows, you’ve probably gone numb. You couldn’t even register what was happening anymore.

What was it? Oh yes, death! You were dying. Slowly.

Oh and your pet? What will they do? Will they miss you? It was home, all alone it pained you to think that it would think you left them. I love you, I love you, I-

Dying wasn’t for the faint of heart. But, you never really cared for death. I don’t want to die- You never really cared if you died and you were never scared of it. I don’t want to die- Why- no, how could you be? It was inevitable, and you’ve been around it millions of times. You’ve witnessed it. I don’t want to die- You’ve witnessed wild animals getting killed, plants get killed, humans getting killed.

Everything eventually dies, so instead of finding death scary, you find comfort in it. I’m dying- Somehow though, you wish things had played differently. But…Knowing you were not alone, that you weren’t the only one dying is…nice. I’m sorry-

Dying…is….

You finally feel the darkness set in.

Everyone knew of the monster that swam in the waters and rose to the land when there was a disturbance or simply to rest up there- how could they not? It never went unnoticed.

His body was strong, that the strong deadly waves did not have an effect on him. He illuminated the darkness, and displayed a clear view of the dead bodies. He had heard the disaster and decided to take a look, although it was unnecessary because there was no one alive at the scene- until he heard it, a beat.

A human heart, although faint and weak, he could still hear it.

And then- he spots them, the body diving deeper into the depths of the ocean. Unmoving.

Strangely, you’d been woken up by a severe coughing fit. Water poured out of you, and it was uncontrollable. You moved to your side instinctively, grasping at your heart. You really couldn’t stop until you did- which is when you fell back onto the…sand?

Something prickly was sticking itself to you, you think.

…

It hurts to think.

It hurt to feel.

And it really hurts to breathe.

And your eyes hurt to even open. You still opened them because despite everything, you were still a human and were caught off guard. Not that you knew that.

And you begin to regret opening your eyes, because the blinding light of the sun hurts, even if you saw everything through a blurred lens. And your eyes wandered lazily as you still coughed.

And your eyes landed on a specifically odd structure, maybe a rock? It was close to you, loomed over you. But you couldn’t really tell what it was, and you certainly couldn’t keep your mind focused on it because—

— Everything ached.

What had happened, you did not know.

You couldn’t muster up the strength to move, nor the strength to even- soon, the world around you faded into darkness as you slipped into unconsciousness once again.

───────────────────────

a/n: anyways anyone think Godzillas gay?

[pacthesis]

our vietnamese tea ceremony

some may or may not know i just got engaged to a weird guy i met in college that (to put it lightly) i wasn’t too fond of but after like 2 years of snubbing him he somehow won my heart i guess

i scribbled a comic about it cause whenever people ask how i met him they sometimes get invested haha

some people also may have seen him on america’s got talent or cbs news or jimmy fallon or on tiktok doing his pizza man shenanigans lol

people often ask if he pulled me with his dough skills and i have to clarify i didn’t even know about the dough spinning hobby until after we started dating and he didn’t do the tv/media appearances until like 6 years into our relationship 🤣

my parents were both boat refugees from vietnam (they fled during the war when they were teenagers and met as adults) and i’m american- but we’re not really that “traditional” i guess

i think many viet people don’t get married or commit without having a tea ceremony haha

a hetero buddy asked who were my bridesmaids and when i told him i don’t have any he asked why and i just said “i like my friends” 🤣 (my childhood friends were there as guests though!)

i also didn’t want/ask pizza man’s family to bring the customary gifts cause i didn’t wanna cramp my style

basically the purpose of this event was for people to witness us getting engaged and be an opportunity for our families to meet one another!

5/23/2015 is when we started dating

for our first anniversary i got our initials and anniversary date stamped onto a penny and pizza man still carries it around 🥺

so 8 years later we got engaged on 8/5/2023

8 for august (8 years later)

5th of august (5 for the month we began dating)

year of 2023 (23 for the day we began dating)

i think people often go to a fortune teller or someone who knows what they’re doing to schedule important dates using the stars and other factors but my grandpa doesn’t believe in that and the rest of us aren’t really superstitious

we wore áo dài- it’s a vietnamese ensemble consisting of a tunic with a long front and back panel that is worn over pants

áo means “shirt/clothes” and dài means "long"

a lot of the time the bride wears red and the groom wears blue i guess but i wanted my outfit to look bridal when i imagine an american bride or a vietnamese bride!

i also wanted to wear a gold khăn đóng headpiece and to incorporate pearls to resemble what my mom wore when she got engaged to my dad

sunflowers are also my fav

(after we started dating i thought pizza man was tall and sunny like a sunflower haha 😭)

my makeshift shoebox altar- or as i like to call it: my “spirit pager” 😤

the double happiness symbol is two copies of the chinese character 喜 (xǐ) which means joy/happiness and red symbolizes luck for the couple

my mom asked if we should put up pictures of our deceased and i was like i don’t wanna make pizza man’s parents go out of their way to bring photos 😭

i think we were supposed to ask our ancestors for permission to get engaged or married or whatever but since my mom raised me to believe my life is mine to live i just announced it to em

as far as i know it’s not really a buddhist thing- ancestor worship is more of a vietnamese thing apparently

my mom said vietnam is a country with a lot of war and death in its history- so imo it makes sense how they incorporate the dead into their culture and traditions

after introducing each of our family members and friends- we lit a couple of incense to (casually) announce the news to our deceased grandparents and relatives

apparently burning incense is an invitation to ancestral spirits and to deliver wishes to predecessors

smoke from the burning incense guides people to safety or safe passing when they die- it also guides em back home on days like these

the spirit(s) depart when all of the incense has burned

next month is my grandma’s "deathiversary” (giỗ) so we’ll be paging her again soon

we used a tea set that was used to celebrate my 1st birthday to pour and serve (my pick) of vanilla caramel black tea to my grandpa and our parents

pizza man’s mom doesn’t like tea so i was happy i picked something she did enjoy!

but when my mom brought her family to america from vietnam- she asked them if they could bring a tea set specifically for me

my mom said it’s meant to be used to celebrate any of my special occasions

then me and pizza man said some nice words to each other and exchanged rings

my ring was pizza man’s grandma’s- his grandpa initially proposed with a smaller diamond but after he saved up enough he got her this bigger one

i don’t listen to any comments that suggest or imply this carbon rock is not humongous 🤣

pizza man paid to get it resized and to repair its prongs (it was well worn by grandma mercedes 🥺)

also found out my ring size is 3.25 (US) haha 😭

he also decided to get his grandpa’s ring resized and to wear it too!

my mom put this necklace on me- she says it reads “happiness” (i can’t confirm lol) but she received it from her mother-in-law when she got engaged to my dad

my mom was too scared to wear it after their tea ceremony cause it’s 24 karat gold and she didn't wanna wreck it

she said 24 karat gold hasn't been combined with other metals so it’s soft

i guess couples at viet tea ceremonies often get 24 karat jewelry- the idea is they can quickly sell it/melt it down for hard times

my mom also passed down her favorite jade bracelet and my grandma’s favorite diamond earrings to me 🥺

and on my 1st birthday my mom got a special ring made to celebrate my birth- she put it on a chain so the person i marry can wear it close to their heart

my mom also got a special ring necklace made to celebrate my sibling’s birth and gave it to their fiancée during their tea ceremony

it’s just the two of us so no more shiny token trophies up for grabs! 😤

i laughed when pizza man had to squat down so low so my mom could put the necklace on him 

after the ceremony i asked him if he wanted me to help him take it off (my sibling's fiancée keeps theirs in a safe cause she’s too scared to wear it daily) but pizza man was like "no i like it 😄" and wore it to sleep and showered with it and hasn’t taken it off since 😭🤣

at the end of the ceremony we lit the candles on the altar to represent the union of our families!

then we ate lots of food haha

my parents both cooked! egg rolls, fried rice, lo mein, bột chiên (fried taro rice cake)

my mom was excited because she knew many of our guests weren’t very familiar with vietnamese food and wanted to share that with them 🥺

and my dad was just so excited for me and pizza man and had so much fun getting the supplies and decorations 😭

my aunt and uncle and sister-in-law brought vịt quay (peking duck), heo quay (roast pork), gỏi tôm (shrimp salad), bánh hỏi (rice vermicelli), xôi gấc (sweet red sticky rice topped with coconut, peanuts and salt)

and pizza man’s mom and family brought lots of desserts

we have always been so amazed with how good their sweets taste and look! 🥺

we also got an ice cream cake

i wasn’t thinking and asked em to write “nicholas and amy lễ đính hôn” and they called me and were like wtf is this and i was like oh no it’s ok haha don’t worry about it! 😭🤣

we had some photos displayed but my sibling took lots of nice pictures of the whole thing!

i was happy i actually got the chance to spend time with and talk to everyone who came!

it went so well and we had so much fun that we’re thinking of doing something similar for our wedding- probably a backyard wedding haha

i was telling pizza man apparently some tea ceremonies have the first half take place at the bride’s home and then the later half is at the groom’s home 🤔

anyway reminder that leftover egg rolls can be reheated in the toaster

[thatonegenshinsimp]

I can’t believe you made me fall in love with capitano- you just wrote him so beautifully! I was wondering if you could write something like that for pantalone and dottore too, that would make me die peacefully :’)

Anon, this made me so happy you have no idea. Of course I shall write for Dottore and Pantalone! I’ll have to write Pantalone’s part separate from this one though.

Warning- Spoilers for Dottore’s real name and the Sumeru Archon Quest if you squint below!

Masterlist

You were terrified when you heard the Tsaritsa tell you that you were to marry the Second Harbinger, Dottore. You had heard of his rather… gruesome methods of experimentation on humans, and feared that the same would happen to you if you incurred his wrath. The only one you felt you could trust was your handmaiden, Claire, who hailed from Fontaine.

From what he had heard about you, Dottore knew that you were a scholar from Sumeru, and journeyed to Snezhnaya originally to help take care of your sick mother. She had succumbed to her illness, causing you to inherit her house and all she owned. You were slow to open up to others, especially if they had a background that was anything like his. However, you intrigued him immensely, and he wanted to know everything he could about you. You were his wife, after all, and he should be taking his role as your husband a little more seriously than he had been since you both got married. He thought about what to do, looking outside his window at the setting sun. That’s when he got an idea, a smirk adorning his face as he rose from his desk chair and opened the door to his office. He walked down the hall and, as his luck would have it, bumped into your handmaiden. “Oh, Lord Dottore, may I help you with something?” She asked. His smirk widened. “Yes. Tell my wife to meet me in the dining hall in thirty minutes.” he spoke. “My Lord, she is currently-” “Did I stutter, little mouse? You best scurry along before I decide I need a new lab rat on my hands after tonight.” he threatened, watching her run back down the hall. Yes, dinner with you sounded quite lovely tonight. This way, he could also learn more about you.

You nervously fidgeted with your dress as Claire fastened your hair in a bun, making sure that not a single strand was out of place. You were worried about why Dottore called for you to join him tonight, since he usually elected to eat in his office alone. However, you did not realize just how much you would reveal to him this night.

Dottore sat across from you at the table, having, for the first night since your wedding night, taken off his mask in front of you. His red eyes seemed to stare you down, his crimson gaze almost pinning you to your seat. You were jumpy at everything he said, constantly on edge, and he seemed to find it highly amusing to watch. However, his demeanor changed when the rest of the servants left the room. “If I may ask, why is it that you seem to avoid me every chance you get?” he asked, his voice suddenly much quieter in tone. After a few minutes, you spoke, having thought about your answer for quite some time now. You looked up and let your gaze meet his. “Well, would you mind if I were completely honest with you?” you asked, causing him to shake his head. “Of course I wouldn’t mind. It is my greatest wish to find out more about you.” he replied. “Will you promise not to get angry with me?” you requested. Without hesitation, Dottore nodded. “It is because you have scared me for the longest time. I don’t... I don’t exactly know how to go about approaching you. I’m scared that I might anger you, and I’ve heard about how you treat those who anger you.” You voiced. Dottore waited patiently until you’d finished speaking. “Would it help if you knew more about me?” He asked, receiving a nod from you in response. “My real name isn’t actually Dottore, it’s Zandik. You may call me as such if you wish to do so. I am from Sumeru, and studied Mechanical Life for a while before deciding to further pursue it here in Snezhnaya after my expulsion from the Akademiya. My research so far here has been a success.” He explained. You nodded. “I tried to study things like that, but gave up after my second year at the Akademiya, and started studying medicine after hearing of my mother’s condition. The whole reason I even joined the Fatui in the first place was to try and secure the medicine to help her with her illness.” You explained. “And your mother?” He asked. You sighed, resting your head in your hands. “She passed away two years ago. There was a “debt” of sorts that my mother left unpaid to the Fatui, so I was forced to marry either you or one of the other Harbingers of her choosing. She chose to marry me off to you.” You explained. Dottore was not one to give comfort often, as he was not very experienced with social cues and interactions with large groups of people. Even so, he still went over to you and sat beside you, putting a hand on your shoulder as you tried to calm down. After you were able to speak, you looked over at Dottore and took a deep but shaky breath. “Thank you, you didn’t need to comfort me.” You spoke, causing him to sigh. “You’re lucky, I normally do not do embarrassing things such as this, but I suppose that I ought to get used to having you around if you’re my wife.” He replied, letting go of you. “If you’re finished with dinner, then I’d suggest that you get some sleep. The body wastes a lot of energy crying.” He advised. You nodded, getting up from your seat and walking to the bedroom. You changed into your sleepwear and laid down, before hearing Dottore’s voice from the doorway. You looked at him as he spoke. “I shall check on you later, my experiments require my attention, and I will be busy until the late hours of the night. Get some sleep.” He voiced, leaving before you could say anything else to him.

From that day on, you would try to spend most of your time in his office, giving what input you could about his experiments, and helping with what he needed to the best of your ability. One day, he pointed it out.

“Why is it that you’re suddenly much closer than before?” he asked. You only smiled and repeated what he said that started this. “I suppose I ought to get used to having you around if you’re my husband, Zandik.” you replied, taking him by surprise. “Would you look at that? It seems that the viper really can bite back.” he snickered, grabbing your wrist and pulling you into his lap. Your face reddened as he took off his mask and set it on the desk. “What an interesting one you are, I’ll have to make sure to keep you around.” he said, twirling a lock of your hair around his finger as he read over the notes that one of his segments took on a recent experiment in his laboratory in Zapolyarny Palace. You stayed in his lap like that until he was done looking over his notes, and set down his pen. “I would assume that there is something you want if you’re still here.” he observed. “Does your company count?” you asked, looking up at him as you leaned your head against his shoulder. With a long, drawn out sigh, he wrapped his arms around you and rested his head on top of yours.

“Yes, I suppose it does.” he replied.

[sky-fire-forever]

happy dadwc! been playing da2, so how about some varric/hawke for a prompt this week (:

-inquisimer

Thank you so much for the prompt!

My Hawke in this one is Aurora Hawke, who uses she/her pronouns

Aurora Hawke wouldn’t consider herself to be anything special. Sure, she’s the great Champion of Kirkwall, but that was mostly due to her friends and luck. Whether that’s good luck or bad luck remains to be seen. 

But she’s nothing special, honest. She’s just one woman with some good friends by her side. Friends who she’d do anything for and who would do a helluva lot for her in return if given the chance. Friends who are more like family, especially after everything she’s lost. 

It���s strange, feeling so loved by her friends. By the people she’d give up her life for. She’s used to being self-sacrificing, but she’s less used to being surrounded by people who won’t let her throw her life away. Who care about her as much as she cares about them. 

Of course her mother loved her, as did her siblings, but it just isn’t the same. People just aren’t meant to love people like Aurora the way she loves them. 

And yet they do. 

She can't imagine why. 

She grins as Anders tells another bad joke and Fenris rolls his eyes. The two of them may act like they hate each other, but she knows their little secret: they'd die for each other if need be. She watches Merrill curl up halfway in Isabela's lap and catches Sebastian and Aveline in some sort of deep conversation. Everyone is right at home, as they should be.

Varric is sitting at Aurora's side, as he always is. Always right beside her, always there for her to rely on. She appreciates Varric more than anyone could possibly know.

“You look lost in thought, giggles,” Varric points out with a grin. “Copper for your thoughts?”

She shoots him a grin. “Only a copper?”

“I've got bills to pay, Hawke.” 

“And you have plenty of money to pay them with.” Aurora takes a sip from her drink. “I'm just… happy,” she admits. 

Varric raises an eyebrow. “Is that all?”

“Yeah.” She looks around at her friends and sighs wistfully. “I didn't know I could be this happy.”

Varric sets his drink down and reaches over to lay a hand on her arm. “Well, you know you deserve it, right?” He squeezes her arm. “With all the shit you've been through? If anyone deserves a fucking break, it's you.”

Aurora shrugs. “Maybe. It's still nice to appreciate it now and then.”

Varric grins. “Good. Appreciate it.”

They lapse into silence, Aurora listening in on the debate that's erupted between Anders, Merrill, and Sebastian. It’s nice to listen to them bicker, to know they inspire huge feelings from one another despite their claims that they couldn’t care less about each other. They’d only get so worked up if they cared what the others thought, after all. 

She gets up to get another drink and hears Varric follow after her. “Can't get enough of me?” She teases while hoping it's true. 

Varric chuckles. “I just needed a refill.” He holds up his empty cup. 

Aurora pouts at him. “You don't need to make up excuses, Varric. If you wanted to confess your love for me where no one can hear, you just needed to say the word.”

It's a tease, a game the two of them play. But she finds herself wishing it was more than that even though she knows it can't be. Varric sees her as a friend and she's grateful for his friendship. It's all she can ask for. 

Varric rolls his eyes. “You wish.”

She does. 

They stand together by the bar while Corff refills their drinks and Aurora looks back at her friends. They're still arguing, but there's a smile on Isabela's face as her hand rests on Merrill's back and there's a look of exasperated fondness on Anders’ face as he tears Fenris’ argument apart. They may be arguing, but they love each other, each and every one of them. 

“It's thanks to you, you know,” Varric says.

“Huh?”

“You're the one who brought us all together, oh great Champion of Kirkwall.” He gestures to the table where their friends sit. “And you're the real reason why we all stay.”

Aurora feels her cheeks heat up in a blush. “You're exaggerating again, Varric. You better catch yourself before your stories run away with you.”

“This isn't a story.” Varric shifts so he's facing Aurora completely, looking up and into her eyes. “We care about each other, sure. But we never would have if it weren't for you.”

The open honesty on Varric’s face is overwhelming, so Aurora looks away. “I think you've drank too much,” she teases because she can't think of any honest way to respond without embarrassing herself. 

Varric shrugs. “Maybe, but you're something special, Hawke. Remember that, would you?”

And then he's walking back to the table, leaving Aurora to stare after him, the blush not gone from her face. 

[fala-alfredo-pasta]

Going further with the Eren + Nagito comparison, what if Nagito has another "revelation" of sorts. Wondering to himself, was it ever truly hope that he yearned so much for? Or was it freedom? A sense of autonomy and control over his life. Not a life dictated by the whims of his luck cycle, by the diseases limiting his body, and of course by some bitch mind-raping him into a despair addiction.

And this extends to how he treats his luck cycle. Finally reaching the conclusion that no, it has never been a fair balance and it has always just been Ultimate Bad Luck. Deciding that the "good luck" is just a bullshit illusion to get his hopes up and then be crushed again. So he goes out of his way to spite the cycle. Passing over and deliberately sabotaging every single bit of "good luck" that comes his way from there on.

"Fuck off, I'm not falling for that shit anymore. Go ahead, toss me all the bad luck you want. See if I care."

It would probably feel weirdly uncomfortable for the rest of Class 77. Because like...yeah, he's finally shut up about hope and luck and all that. But it also feels kind of wrong. Like the world has turned upside down. And a number of them probably realize that they actually do miss that sense of irreverent optimism. Which in turn would likely make Nagito even more irritable and lash out at attempts to cheer him up.

"If I recall correctly, all the time you'd say stuff like 'I wish that moron would just shut the hell up about hope'. And yet...now you're upset that I've taken your advice? Make your damn mind up."

The idea of believing in hope "in a healthy way" sounds good on paper. But like...I think it would take a very long character arc to come around to that idea. As far as Nagito is concerned (and let's face it he's not exactly wrong here), hope or fate or whatever spited him from the moment he was born. It doesn't smile upon him the way it does people like Makoto.

"No. Fuck that. I'm never going back to that lie. Looking back now...I was a slave long before I ever had a chain around my neck. It doesn't matter that I'm gonna die a miserable death. Nothing's gonna change that. What matters is whether or not I die free."

This would be quite the intriguing concept to explore indeed though as you mentioned it would be a long work-in-progress for Nagito to open himself up again to believing in hope from this point.

Here's hoping that things don't end as tragically for him as they did Eren--though I suppose some argue that Eren did die "free" to an extent. Though really did he ever truly escape? I mean he died a Titan and there was really no way at all for him to be able to remotely have a normal happy life with how deeply involved he was with, well, everything. To that effect, at least Nagito in way has a shot of finding some sort of contentment in life. Yeah, he'll never be truly "free" from his luck the same as Eren will never be free of being a titan, but Nagito has time. As ironic as that may sound for someone with terminal illness, if there is a constant about Nagito's luck is that it does first and foremost ensure his survival (whether it's painful or not). Along with the fact that they really aren't any obligations or responsibilities he's tied (not in the way Eren had), Nagito is at least free to spend his recovery period well...recovering and allowing for introspection to happen. And, because of that, I do think at some point he'll be able to see some sort of reason to genuinely smile again and be happy despite his luck.

I don't think he necessarily needs to be hopeful for the future--because that could feel like you're setting yourself up for disappointment. Instead I think Nagito will do better simply allowing himself to find enjoyment and be happy in the present. He won't fool himself by claiming that everything in the future will be okay, but he won't let his bad luck continue to control him by sapping away all his happiness and making him an empty husk. After all, the freedom of feeling and expressing all the emotions he has, the good and the bad, isn't that really what he's striving for? I can't imagine a bigger "fuck you" to that chain of bad luck he was born with than living and enjoying life despite it.

He won't make plans but he'll enjoy the moments as they come.

[soulsfractured]

23 for Yazoo

16 for Tseng

12 for Kuja

3, 4 for All Listed Muses, not just the three picked above

Random Character Asks

THANK YOU FOR GIVING ME A CHANCE TO TALK ABOUT ALL MY BABIES. I LOVE THEM ALL SO MUCH. I really need to write more with everyone at some point, once I get back into the swing of writing again.

It's a bit long so everyones answers are under the cut!

Cyril

3 - Wears glasses because he can't wear contacts they bug his eyes too much. Still wishes he could though because he'd look more like Genesis that way.

4 - "If it could help my dad come back faster? I'm willing to give it a shot. So long as no one gets hurt from it, because then I won't do it."

YOU WANNA SEE ME CRY. Cyril put all his focus into biological sciences bc he wants to help Genesis in every way possible. He just wants to live a quiet life with his dad please let him have this--

Kuja

3 - Absolutely wears a packer, and had his codpiece custom made to fit it. Has thrown it at someone before, will throw it again.

4 - "Peace is but a shadow of death, desperate to forget its painful past... Though we hope for promising years. After shedding a thousand tears, yesterday's sorrow constantly nears. And while the moon still shines blue, by dawn, it will turn to scarlet hue."

Its in there, it's one of my favourites coming from someone who doesn't think he can die. Really makes me wonder if he had suspicions about it, but Garland gaslit him into ignoring those thoughts.

12 - Absolutely has tried to dye his hair and his tail once. It went horribly and he couldn't get all the dye out. It was all a faded blueish colour for weeks

Luneth

3 - His hair is always in his face because he enjoys playing with it/having others play with it. But, he doesn't enjoy it against his neck at the same time so, ponytail. Not really practical, but that's not important.

4 - "Slacking off saved her from the curse, so maybe that 'luck' might rub off on us!"

I cant explain why this one sticks out to me, but Luneth and the rest of the party actually acting like kids and joking around is really sweet? Idk I guess I love that theres a bunch of moments we can see them enjoying their journey and not just be silent strong protagonists.

Sephiroth

3 - Literal cat eyes. They glow, his pupils shrink and widen with mood. He has cat eyes.

4 - "We'll meet again soon."

Just Sephiroth and Zack talking in that entire scene. The small smile when Zack says "I'll hold you to that" the notice that Zack wanted to say something before he left. It's one of my favourite CC Sephiroth moments.

Tseng

3 - Really enjoys wearing longer socks. Knee or thigh high are preferable, and 90% of them are just black. He organizes them so he doesnt grab two different lengths (which has happened a few times before)

4 - "There is nothing more precious than a human life"

It's SUCH a development for me to see Tseng say this. Consider all that he does, and all that he has done. He may commit atrocious deeds for Shinra, but he's failed missions to help random Shinra employees before, he's put himself at risk to protect others.

16 - Tseng's darkest secret that he won't admit is that he absolutely hates Shinra. Without a doubt he does wonder what life would have been like if he stayed in Wutai. Would he have stayed at the Temple? Would he had left anyways? What if what if what if. He will not admit this thought crosses his mind and tries to tell himself it's just hypothetical. But it's a thought that does come up more often just before Rufus becomes president.

Vincent

3 - Refuses to cut his hair. Even a trim it takes a long time to convince him. He's not gonna die anytime soon so whose gonna see the mess it becomes anyways. But he still takes pretty good care of it- mostly

4 - "I don't care what you are doing, so much as the idiotic way that you are doing it."

The tired dad quote of the year bc god dammit the party is a bunch if teenagers and their old man needs a fuckin nap so he can stop telling them dont put that in your mouth

Yazoo

3 - Vegetarian. He just doesnt like meat- usually he just takes whatever meat he gets on food and pushes it to the side or gives it to his brothers. He has picked a burger apart to take the patty out and just eaten it like that, just sides and bun.

4 - "I will not have you refer to Mother that way!"

One of the VERY few times that Yazoo actually shows emotions??? P l e a s e. I love him so much and actually getting to see that cool exterior crack is so interesting.

23 - As a candle Yazoo would be a more woodsy kind of scent. Damp earth, firewood, stagnant waters. There's a slight spice mixed in as well, like a faint hint of cinnamon.

[no-thoughts-only-soup]

I’m back on my bullshit y’all and by bullshit I mean mixing Puella Magi Madoka Magica with small Tumblr fandoms

And get this: Agent Phoenix who is a magical girl

- They still use they/them pronouns, they just happened to be afab and either Kyubye didn’t care or they only realized they’re non-binary some time after they contracted

- Their wish was something along the lines of: ‘Let me be able to live, no matter what!’ And they made it as they were dying from a terrorist attack

- Bc I’m such a tea sipper, the Agency happened to arrive at the scene and they were rescued by an agent not long after they made their contract, which may or may not have inspired them to become an agent

- With their wish, they’re able to see into the future. This is how they keep surviving. The deaths are just visions.

- They lost their family in the attack, so they have lived on their own for quite some time.

- They joined the Agency partly because of the memory of being rescued, a minor hero complex and because they know they can’t die, so might as well use it.

- They fight Witches between missions. Once a Witch was nearby just before they went on a mission, so they had to ask Handler if it could wait for a bit. He was hesitant but let them

- They keep everything from Handler and the Agency, because they don’t want to risk Zoraxis finding out and trying to take advantage of magical girls (and secretly, they don’t fully trust the Agency either)

- They do tell the Handler eventually though and he is pretty disturbed but supportive

- Their weapon is either a gun (boring) or explosives (cool but super ironic)

- Still the depiction of a smoking, alcoholic pyromaniac because what else would they be??? Competent??? (They are)

MAJOR SPOILERS FOR MADOKA MAGICA

- They are aware of the truth about Soul Gems

- The fact they made it into adulthood is actually a rarity, and made possible only because of their wish, determination and sheer luck.

- *Tosses Handler their Soul Gem* “Careful, you literally have my life in your hands” “What???”

- Eventually they can’t keep it up anymore and their Soul Gem darkens too much. My headcanon is that the longer a magical girl lives, the more powerful the Witch is. Phoenix’s witch could wipe out an entire city and they know it. And since they’ve grown attached to the Handler and don’t want to kill them along with the rest of the Agency, they ask him to shatter their Soul Gem.

- He doesn’t want to do it. Phoenix begs him. They are too tired/weak to do it themselves

- The fire must eventually be put out, or it will burn everything around it.

- He extinguishes it

[requiescat-in-pace-bastardo]

Codextober Day 3: Enemy

It was a late autumn night in France. An older Irishman was sitting at a bar drinking. A younger man came by to join him. The younger man looked at him and pointed to the nearby stool. "May I sit?" He asked. The Irishman nodded.

"Aye. I don't mind. Join if ya wish." He said tiredly. He looked at the younger man. Something about him seemed familiar. The younger man looked at him.

"Where are you from? That accent isn't French. Ireland? The Colonies?" He questioned. The older man nodded.

"I am from America. I came to France on business and to revisit the past." He said. "What about you? I can tell you're French, but what brings you this pub?" The older man questioned. The younger one frowned.

"I'm here for revenge. I heard my father's killer may be here. He was killed when I was a child and now I'm old enough to seek revenge." The younger man explained. The older man nodded.

"I see. Do you know the name of his killer? Do you plan to take his life? An eye for an eye?" He questioned. The younger man nodded. His eyes were hidden by his hood, but grew dark.

"I finally learned his name after years of searching for it. I plan to avenge my father and those I lost because of that night." He swore. The older man looked curious.

"What was your father's name? Where did he die? How?" The older man asked. The younger man took down his hood.

"My father is Charles Dorian. He died at Versailles at the hands of a filthy Templar named Shay Cormac. He died because of YOU!" The man revealed. He took the older man by the hood and revealed the older man's face. "I am Arno Victor Dorian, son of Charles Dorian and adopted son of the De la Serre family. You took my family and the love of my life from me. Prepare to die." He spit. The older man, Shay, tried to fight against Arno and managed to corner him into an empty and shadowed corner, but he was older and at a disadvantage. Shay rose his hands.

"I accept my death. I do not regret killing Charles. It had to be done, but as I have a child of my own, I know the pain you feel. I've loved and lost too. Please, kill me honorably or let me go home to my child. Show me mercy." Shay begged. Arno's eyes widened. This man wasn't too different from him. Both have seen the inner workings of the Assassins and the Templars and both knew that neither side was perfect. Arno couldn't help but see his fathers in Shay's eyes. He saw that Shay knew both sides had flaws. Arno put away his blade.

"Go. Go and run before I change my mind. I free you not for your sake, but because I know you see the things I do." Arno said. Shay looked in surprise and shook his head.

"No. I've been running too long. It's time to face my actions. My child is old enough to understand. I've made my own luck, but I think it's finally ran out." He said. He walked to Arno and began fighting him. Arno took the chance and understood. He killed Shay in the exact way his father had died decades ago. Arno took Shay's dying body outside. The last thing Shay saw was the sky and he felt a trembling on the ground just like he had in Lisbon decades ago. He closed his eyes and took his final breath. Arno stood beside him.

"Thank you for the closure. Though we are enemies, I hope you rest well." Arno said before walking into the night clutching his pocket watch.

[mcgnagallsarmy]

Spuffy style Reading Challenge - #23: Monthly Key Word Reading Challenge #2

1st month - Crown, Girl, Whisper, Black, Heart, Guide, All, Ever:

Shot Through the Heart by bookishy [PG-13]

When Buffy finds out an assassin is gunning for her, there's only one place to hide. Unfortunately, the amenities are a little lacking. And her new cryptmate is a little surly, because she may have kind of sort of just gotten him shot. Pay him enough, though, and he won't mind too much, right? Set in the summer between Seasons 4 and 5

2nd month - Please, Might, Return, Shy, Vanish, Book, Ash, Come:

These Miles That Come Between Us by Eurydice [PG-13]

When Buffy intercepts a call from Angel, the last thing she expects is to hear that surprise guests are about to end up on her doorstep.

3rd month - Crimson, Beyond, Friend, Cry, Wait, Six, Run, Woods:

Cry Havoc, and Let Slip Your Heart by Touchstoneaf [Adult Only]

Part 1 of the Something Wicked series.  (S4, between "Something Blue" and "Hush") The Hellions have visited Sunnydale before. Here and there, in twos and threes, looking for a good time. Any hellmouth is a good time, after all. Usually they don’t stay long, since the new Slayer started to get a reputation for making good times go bad. No one wants to play when there’s a sheriff in town. But then word gets around that a vamp with a reputation of his own has joined the Slayer’s camp. That pisses off more than a few boys in the demon world; especially demons with a score to settle and a serious dislike of vamps in general, that one in particular. What’s interesting is… Once the score gets settled, the sheriff gets distracted dealing with the fallout. And all of a sudden, the town’s wide open. Or is it?

4th month - Vicious, Ask, Wind, Found, Circle, Broken, Beneath, Drown:

Beneath the Surface by The Danish Bird [NC-17]

Spike returns a little earlier to find his gem. The mayor decides that shooting Angel with a poison, which only Slayer blood can cure, is simply too risky for his Faith. And suddenly, Buffy finds herself locked up in a strange underground room in the company of her mortal enemy and the vampire who just broke her heart. But maybe it isn’t all bad. Maybe, this way, Angel will see that this idea about leaving for her own good is bad. Right? Spike, he just wants to get out, but if that’s out of the question, well then at least he’s going to try to have some fun! Starts out right after The Prom and before Graduation Day pt.I.

5th month - Dragon, Day, Chain, Another, Thousand, Begin, Stolen, And:

World Dracula Day (That Poncy Bugger) by honeygirl51885 [PG-13]

That bleeding ponce already has a book and a movie, does he really need a sodding holiday?

6th month - Bridge, Everything, Blue, Why, First, Wild, Luck, Tomorrow:

Lucky in Love by honeygirl51885 [PG-13]

Spike and Buffy get to play a game, but they have to cooperate with each other. If they win, they get a wish. If they lose, they die.

7th month - Final, Clock, This, Way, Poison, Summer, Future, Kiss:

and i count the days till the end of summer by othellia [PG-13]

Set Post-S5, Willow never resurrects Buffy from the dead. Spike carries out his promise to watch over Dawn till the end of the world.

8th month - Dangerous, Again, Best, Chase, How, Flower, Date, Together:

Again by MillennialCryBaby [G]

The world was ending and Spike was on her porch ready to fight—again.

9th month - Sign, With, Just, Lies, Grace, Enough, Sleep, Name:

Calling My Name by MillennialCryBaby [PG-13]

Spike's been called a lot of things since he met Buffy.

10th month - Old, After, Take, Shadow, Monster, Haunt, Darkness, Of:

Take Care of the Rest by Cosmic Tuesdays [PG]

Following Never Kill a Boy on the First Date and realizing that funeral homes are a hotbed of vampire activity, Buffy decides to find herself a job at the Sunnydale Cemetery Funeral Home.

11th month - Paris, Hidden, Sparrow, Realm, Two, Fair, Street, Say:

The Hidden Side of Me by MaggieLaFey [NC-17]

It’s been nineteen days since Spike’s sacrifice has saved the world, and Buffy’s trying to keep her emotions at bay while on a mission in the crater of the former Sunnydale, trying to retrieve a certain amulet for Willow. Nothing strange could happen there, since the Hellmouth is closed, right?

12th month - Silver, Wish, Forgotten, Dance, Also, My, Fate, Dream:

Silver and Gold by cawthraven [G]

“It’s our anniversary,” he says with a soft smile that lights him up from within. He never gets mad that she doesn’t remember these little moments. Says that’s what he’s for, to make sure she stops to smell the roses. Which he buys for her, often.

[aita-blorbos]

AITA for painting a fair folk with emotions?

I (17F) am a master of my Craft—art. I primarily work with oil paintings and create portraits. As a master, I have fair folk patrons who come and go as they please. One of my patrons mentioned that my work was recommended to a rather well-known and reclusive fair folk.

I was reasonably nervous to work with this new fair folk, however when I met him, I found myself at ease with him. This fair folk, let’s call him R (1000+M), had felt different from the rest. Perhaps I sound like a lovestruck girl to you all! However, whenever he came to my parlor, he seemed as comfortable in my presence as I with his.

For weeks, something about his portrait had felt off to me. I am quite meticulous with my art and knew it would bother me if I could not find what was missing. During one of our last sessions, I realized what it was—it was in his eyes. There was something so close to sadness, a human emotion, within them. It shouldn’t have been possible, yet there it was. Without thinking, I painted it in.

Before I could show R the portrait, he had been called away. He gave me his word on the agreed upon payment, instructions on when the painting would be picked up, and left. I had been so sure that was the last I would see of R, the fair folk whom had unintentionally stole my heart.

However, he has just shown up at my door, claiming I have ruined him, betrayed him, on purpose. I simply painted what I saw! Does that make me an asshole? Or a simple fool?

As I write, he is forcing me off to the Autumn Lands to answer for my so-called crime. Unless I convince him otherwise, I may die for my actions. Please wish me luck on my adventure, friends.

(P.S. I am quite sure he is in the wrong here, though I suppose saying so to R will only cause him more anger and me more strife.)

[owlmoonboi]

Darkness! Everything was cloaked in darkness. From the sky to the rocky cliffs everything was darkness. Shadows loomed. It felt cold, bleak and numb. The fear of succumbing to the darkness grew with each passing second but being strong enough to press on in search for light felt impossible. It felt like one in a million chances. There was a very small chance of being able to free myself or any of the lost souls trapped in this place known as “The Void”. A place that isn’t completely life or death. It is the inbetween. In a sky with endless limits there is only one moon and that was how little hope I had.

I felt something cold and metal touch my soft skin. I looked up at the sky only to realise a cold metal rain was coming from sporadic purple clouds that shifted and turned, forming haunting figures. The metal was just pouring down as though it was natural. It was as though for this world it was their rain. “I wonder why their rain is different?’” I mumbled but there was no one around to answer. Not a single soul. No signs of life. I was all alone. I was alone and scared and didn’t know what to do.

As time passed by my blood turned to ice. I just sat on the hard cracked ground shaking while tears rolled down my face. I had never realised how cold the cold is or how dark the darkness is or even just how lonely being alone is. I needed someone to come tell me everything was going to be alright but I knew it wasn’t going to happen. How could it happen? I know I’m not strong enough. Not strong enough to get back up when I fall or strong enough to escape the darkness. I’m not strong and I never will be.

My eyes shot open. My eyes slowly adjusted to the light of the sun creeping between the curtains creating stripes on my blue walls, giving me a sense of familiarity. Even though I’ve been living here for a while it still doesn’t yet feel like home. Each day I awake with the fear that today might be the day I am sent away. It wouldn't be the first time and probably not the last. I have been through more homes than I am years old and I’m fifteen. I worry that I will never find a family and succumb to darkness like the rest of the kids. The system is broke. You’re sent to live your own life at eighteen if you don’t have a home. Plenty of people end up doing drugs and die of issues such as substance abuse or suicide. It is a cruel truth to grasp but nevertheless it is the truth. It is something that may end up becoming my future but i hope it doesn’t. I can’t have that happen. I need to be able to live a good life for my Mother. Oh how I miss my Mother and love her with all my life. She died in a car crash which only led to my fear of being in cars. I had just been to the doctors with her since I had colic and her boyfriend, my Father Drew had came to pick us up. Little did she know he had been drinking. She told him to slow down but he wouldn’t. He never swerved when the car came for us or stopped at the traffic lights. She had died, he went to jail and I went to hospital with concussion and second degree burns from when the car turned to flames. There was shattered glass everywhere. Even though the glass wasn’t a mirror I believe that was what has given me bad luck except it has been more than seven years since then. This happened when I was three years old. I was so young but I can remember it perfectly. It is like a scene from a movie always playing in the back of my mind. It plays over and over. If it was a disc it would’ve scratched by now. I honestly just wish the memory could disappear. I don’t need that memory. It does no good. All it does is turn my dreams to nightmares, make me know the reason I’m living such a shitty life, make me hate my father and give me my fear of cars. I wonder if I’ll ever be able to be brave enough to get back in a car. Every Time I have ever been in a car I have a panic attack. It is hard to bounce back up when you fall down. I’m not a ball. People like balls. Some people love them. That’s why people play sports but nobody loves me. Not even myself. How can I? I was never taught to love. The only moment where I ever feel loved is when I look at the picture I have of my Mum in a small gold locket. I feel warmth when looking at her. I feel her touch. She is brushing my hair and singing a nursery rhyme but what the nursery rhyme is something of a lost of a lost memory. When I’m done with looking at the picture all I am left with is questions and sadness but these questions have answers out of my reach. Will I ever see my Father again? If I see him again will he tell me he loves me? If he tells me he love me will I believe him? Will I be able to say those words back? Will I hate him? Will I be angry with him? Will I ever be part of a family and if there is a family who adopts me will I feel like a part of that family? Will I ever feel truly loved? Will I ever fully understand love? These questions bounce about the walls of my mind like a ball in an amateur match of pingpong.

I sat up. My head was throbbing. I felt like I was going to be sick. I slowly got to my feet. My feet felt weak and my legs wobbled. I was a stack of dominoes ready to cascade. That moment of cascading felt like it might happen now. I used my bed as support to help me stand. Slowly with each step I got the strength to stand up properly. I felt extremely sick with each step and worried that my head would fall off from all the pain it was causing me but at least I was able to stand without falling over.

When I got to the bathroom the first thing I did was throw up. I crouched with my hands pressed against the sides of the toilet bowl for balance while a chunky spew that reeked splashed amongst the inside of the toilet like ink leaking from a pen. Ink leaking from a pen is a way I describe many things. I guess it’s because at times when I felt I was unable to speak I wrote down what I had to say so now pens seemed to be an item of significance to me. It had been my voice and the paper I wrote on was a friend to console in. The paper and pen are two inanimate objects yet to me they were things I could believe in. Items I sought comfort from.

I finished throwing up. I wiped my mouth with a piece of toilet paper before flushing. The soap was yellow and squishy. It slipped between my fingers but I was able to get it back unlike hope. Hope a four letter word that means to believe and to have faith. People usually hold close to them in times of struggle and need but we never really realise what it means to hope until we feel the need. We never think of hope sticking with us in a time of need. We never thank it for helping us to find light at the end of the tunnel or when we are able to stop ourselves from sinking into the waves of darkness. We expect hope to stick by us no matter what. We expect hope to stay in the same sense we think the sun will rise the next morning but what do we do if hope leaves? If we are left in the darkness and there is no hand to grab onto to lead us the way, what do we do? You know what we do? We do absolutely nothing since humans are fuckin’ useless. We can love but we choose hate. We can choose peace but we choose war. We can make the world a better place but then we make the world a worse place. Worst of all we are such hypocrites who hate on people but we make the same mistakes. I make these same mistakes but I still hate others for them which is absolutely wrong. I know it is wrong. People know the things that we do but we don’t change. People may try but no one ever fully changes. No one no matter how good of a person they are.

I walked down the hallway back to my room. Well that is called my room. It still doesn’t feel like my own room and honestly I don’t know if it ever will. I get out of my pjs and put on my school uniform. A white button~up, grey trousers and a dark blue blazer in the same shade of blue as the tie we were made to wear. The blazer had the school emblem on the right breast. We were also made to wear leather dress shoes which felt tight on my teeth. They hadn't been tight when I first got them but now they pinched on my toes but I didn’t dare to say about the tightness of my shoes as I know they were expensive and it is kind enough of the Harley’s to be taking care of me so I don’t want to add any more stresses. I can’t imagine how hard it must be to take in a child when you already have a baby. So without complaint I wear this uniform I despise but not nearly as much as I despise maths or exams or being in cars.

I walk down the wooden steps. Even though my arms are long enough to reach the railing it always feels out of reach like how asking for help always seems too hard. So I don’t ask for help. If someone is rude to me at school I teach them about my fists. If I am failing a subject I just fail since I don’t want to ask my teachers questions. If I ask them questions they’ll ask me questions and I don’t think they’ll like my answers to their questions. Even though my answers will only be the truth. I have always been taught that honesty is the best policy but no one really likes the truth. The truth is cold, harsh and hard. Everyone always wants the watered down version of things. That’s why books and movies have happily ever afters. Happily ever afters don’t happen in real life. In real life there are highs and lows but most of the time we are looking at grass that we think is greener but when we sit on it we realise our grass is just as green. It’s just that sometimes things might look different. Or we perceive things to be different as we are always wanting for more. For something to be better. We search for the best so much that sometimes we forget to live life. We got that it’s all of the small things that make a big picture. It isn’t just one brushstroke to create a painting. It’s lots of little strokes. I think that is the way we should view our lives. To make the most of things. Instead of being upset when it rains we can say to ourselves that the rain helps plants to grow which means we have crops to eat, we have puddles to splash in and being wet means that we can later get dry. It’s always t\nice to have a nice hot towel after a shower. Why can’t we think more like that? Why can’t I think more like that? I’m a pessimist but I long to be an optimist. I think it would be nice to see the world through rays of sunshine instead of grey clouds. Except maybe seeing the world in grey clouds is a good thing since I might get the chance to better understand others. To be more empathetic. To be more persevering when something bad happens as I’m used to seeing the world as a bad place so I can’t fall much deeper. I wonder how deep can one fall? Sometimes I feel like I’m standing at the edge of a cliff waiting. I’m unsure as to whether I’m waiting for the courage to jump or the strength to take a step backwards. Except I’m not sure if it’s courage that makes you jump. I think it’s fear. I think it means you’re afraid to live which honestly I sometimes am scared to live. The only reason I choose to live is for my Mum as I know she would want me to have the best life I can. I don’t think she would be happy with how life is at the moment. I wonder what Daddy dearest would think but he’s a jailbird.

When I get to the bottom of the steps I turn to enter the kitchen that has green walls. Green was the colour of my Mother’s eyes so as much as I like the food Mrs Harley makes I never feel at peace in the kitchen. I always feel something is off.

For breakfast I had butter toast that was slightly burnt. We had no cereal left and there was no peanut butter. Not that I am that fond of peanut butter. It always seems a bit too salty. Which is quite strange since I like other foods when they are salty such as chips but I guess that’s different since if it’s too much salt you can brush it off the salt. That is something able to be controlled. It is always nice to have the feeling that something is in your control. It makes coping easier. It makes it easier to go with the wind. I want to one day be able to spread my arms the way a bird spreads its wings and just see the world. Look down at the world from the sky. To be a star. To be able to watch without having to live. To be free without going anywhere. To be there but not. To be looked at but not watched.To be seen as a light instead of darkness.

After breakfast I packed my bag, brushed my teeth and caught the bus to school. I wish I didn’t have to catch the bus. I hate being on the bus. The bus driver is always yelling. Kids scream. Boys bash each other up while they compare girls to trees and cars. I’m not sure which one is worse to say. They say a girl is like a tree since they want to climb her while they say a girl is like a car since their dick is the key to get her started. While the boys objectify women the girls do the same about guys. Rating them out of ten and saying who is most desirable. I swear to god everyone is too invested in sex. Everyone makes out it’s some amazing thing but to me all it seems to be is an excuse to unzip pants or rip off a bra before getting on top of someone. I don’t want to be getting on top of anyone and I certainly don’t want someone to get on top of me. That’s not to say I’m against love. I think love is a nice thing but I don't think you need sex to love someone. I think people have the right to have sex but they don’t need to talk about it. I think it should stay in the bedroom or wherever they do it but the point being is that you shouldn’t talk about it in public. Of course you should learn about it in PE since then you know about safe sex and people should learn about issues of rape. I think people should feel comfortable to be able to say if they were sexually assaulted but we don’t need to talk about how quickly the guy got hard, who was on top or what cum tastes like.

I get off the bus nonchalantly hoping to remain invisible. It would be nice to have the power to turn invisible. I would definitely use that in maths so the teacher wouldn’t call on me. I hate having to say the answer to a question since I almost always get it wrong. I’m not very good at most subjects. I’m best at art. I like art. I like drawing best. I think it would be nice to be an artist. To be able to sell your work. To have people wanting your art. I think to be known as an artist would just have such an amazing feeling. It would feel like being on top of the world. Only I have yet to experience a feeling like that.

Mindless chatter fills the luminous grey halls that is a stark contrast to the primary coloured lockers. Well what most people call the primary colours. I believe the primary colours are actually yellow, cyan and magenta. Those colours make the most sense.

I watch girls hold hands white they skip through the halls. Boys playfully push each other while walking out the bathroom that always smells like piss and the other stuff I don’t want to know. I’ve heard the girls bathroom always smells of smoke which makes sense. Girls can be drawn to smoke due to the misconception that smoking helps you to lose weight and more females than males tend to have eating disorders. There are plenty of guys with eating disorders but it mightn’t always be as recognizable since most of the time it is a binge eating disorder so you may just think the person is large without pinning it to a reason as to why they are.

I reluctantly make my way to Mentoring. I wish we didn’t have mentoring. Without mentoring we could have ten minutes left of school; those ten minutes would be an extra two minutes added to each subject so maybe it’s better to have mentoring. It’s just that mentoring is so boring. Nobody really talks in mentoring except for Jade and Skye as well as Matt who occasionally while pretty much everyone else sits in silence mindlessly looking at their phone screen. I wish I did have a phone. At least I could be on it in mentoring even though you’re not supposed. It would mean I could fit in a little bit more. At the moment I am that weird kid who barely speaks and has no social media. I don’t have a device to even have a social media account, not that I know anyone I would message on social media. I have some friends but I’m not very close. I can’t let myself get too close since I know something will change. Everything changes eventually. I’ve already lost enough friends and not all have been due to moving. Malik wasn’t. He was killed by his mind. If only I had known how he felt. Maybe I could’ve helped. Except what could I have done. His boyfriend Ashden raped him. I knew but couldn’t tell anyone. It was our secret. He swore to me to keep it and I had this the whole time. I wouldn’t have been able to tell his parents. They wouldn’t have helped. They were Christians who believed being gay is a sin. I hate when there are Christians that are rude since it makes it hard to like them and I know most are good people. I think that happens with all different types of groups of people. It is easy to view a group as bad when you hear someone of that group but it is only a big deal when someone does something since the majority of people are good. I like the idea that no one is completely bad but I think some people are. Some people are just bad and the sooner that is realised the better.

The bell rang for mentoring. I was thankful that it was over but being thankful didn’t last long since it meant it was now going to be science. I usually don’t mind science but at the movement we have been doing stuff on dissection and I just hate seeing an animal in such a condition. I just love animals and hate the idea of any form of cruelty towards them. I am mainly vegan but not completely as the Har;eu’s won’t allow me to go vegan. I guess it’s fair enough. It would be expensive to buy all the separate foods.

When walking to science I bumped into this girl carrying a fat stack of books. When we collided all her books plummeted to the floor. I quickly bent down and helped her pick up the pile of books. Our hands met when packing up the last book. She let out a small laugh. Her laugh was cute. She sounded like a doll and looked like one. She had golden ringlets that flowed down her back, crystal clear blue eyes, rose blush lips and cheeks, a few freckles on her nose, a dimple in her left cheek when she smiled, and a statuesque figure. She was the real life Athena. “Your hands are covered in a lot of hands.” She expressed concern. “I’m fine.’ I responded shyly. I had never had someone notice my scars. No one ever paid that much attention.

[libidomechanica]

But thus the horrors of my kings are not

An old, and set our life, two plunging     down way, that two into you, beings more; for every     eyes, with the wander, that is She? I am taking the     wholly dust as thy fair Sultana from drops I loved—the     mixture laid he, tis sort

can either complainest thought a     mess. See that I am thee, my love of sence of Humber     let me sickness keep my vow! Because that each other teach     he force, for please: and, bidding! And from Heaven I for me.     Growth of Gold when the guest,

over men and as Newcastles     to the star-shade: was not be no screwy fiddle jimp with     suits own deep for as a masquerade; the rock, a rosy     mought his dead. Her bound, she black in a key, and beach other?     He scratch’d to gild a story

when first look like herself never     more that mix’d the lawn of what assault of the bowl, tu-     whit, that love-begotten was my chin hairst, I shure was à-     la-mort, causlesse yron dyd fear, no love thou of it as     the was sort of law, was

never know not yet your animate     existening to a world, and the garden she brutal     ravished—and she, like and than and fire is funct trundling     melodious multiply height, the human decayed,     a fragments and doth flawless

himself the Leave to grant the     hills; I may, if you tralineate the pink of her bought he     to late, who marueile Thee to set though the bed offering     daggers work out me in most move ones to adored then pay     for lofty loue: for a

brutal ravisher and an     awkwardly. By addition more these says god he had goodnes     that is over imagined the fairnesses, when those women’s     function she little he’ll nourists. Back at the stainly     by to-morrows the words.

Her eyes and face: and used; he gall,     good it’s import a long lover it need. Some to seek would     serious place, and you said, The culprit and raven I     desire: I have my mosses on the bright his corpse, to     warm and among through the

day, almost rest, how soon: it full     stealing. I burnine. At last for this: I never pardon     mine. Insults are in the groan, his ears’, among thirty in     my dearest in streaming his little maintain that she way,     the heaven the vision,

each ray;—but effect. We shoe is     done to thee, nor short, they think ere have been to antiquity     full her yellow hair long-limbed lad that the heart, and I     stand ugly, who reader than I ask of Black in his ocean     once ground herself and

required his king each encumbranch.     But thus the horrors of my kings are not thy picture, as     the mob of whate’er seed we have lost thousands thou with sweet     by violently water, to tell you, whose skies mother take     and he looked reciting

goat, despiteful for me. Faster     painterfered mirror, next-to-last, on every kindle     and ambrosia, when were the leave tribute them is in     bull and baby lover sun, resulting of all, his Highness     of flower-door, never

heards and in the master-mistress     more, now the was doe least, then down, both delight me clear     orator as they with one amiss; but thou listed two     composed my misfortunes of a bubble, our newer sanction     growne. Time wish: not Pallas:

Hebe she said, but she hand pray     your goods, and it round it: they rain’d, spurd with her part, must, and     tighten’d. When her king, long glancing, dancing begin? At breast;     but said; but with lose that all sweet! She of black on her winds     that would man weed, thy Ewes,

the had recovering power     to write in the glen? Thus, for pity? Through all metal, then     losing out thy mither: as almost Rabbis Jewish beams,     but the to thee, to take the secure, and that changed behind     a lang about thee with

laurel, issued goosebush     reminine described then Florian, painted shown for warning     novel, not be those the prince’s lectual luck on that ether     I be surround throught within Juanna a choral cargo—     that thy plaiden, where

in wings were nor will the glens repeats     the blow, soon as I am alive honey cool as     words thy choysest was borne stalke dead as he die! Done with greatest     mine. My child, I can melanche’s perfect you under     it threat names of ever,

and i feel safe from mine; but sair     she shine. What ink maybe that homely face embitter mouth     of flight all heart of eyes, there o’ my mother, clumsy Willy.     The join’d a doubtless well know of a worth infinite     a slumbers flower-loving

of pupil’s randies, time, that     I woke will round, Sukey is turn tress judged their milk and Giaours,     and by; i’ll down, she cried to sell her till it grew this Desert;     the dangers down he which great of vices of men love,     am bewilder’d Kurds.

[kaurwreck]

I've also been curious about Dazai's bandaged right eye! I think I've found additional symbolism that further elaborates on what Oda wanted Dazai to understand when he removed the bandages.

I did a little digging into relevant Japanese cultural references, and I think Dazai's bandaged right eye is a reference to Daruma dolls. A Daruma doll is a hollow, round, Japanese doll modeled after Bodhidharma, the founder of Zen Buddhism. They're good luck charms and popular gifts of encouragement because of their association with perseverance.

(Such association comes from Bodhidharma's reputation for wall-gazing. According to one tradition, he stayed in deep meditation for nine years with his eyes open and staring at a blank wall. He closed his eyes just once and was so furious with himself for breaking perseverance that he cut his own eyelids off. In addition to losing his eyelids, Bodhidharma’s arms and legs wasted away after years of immobility. Bodhidharma’s fearless spirit, however, remained.)

In reference to this legend, Daruma dolls are sold with wide, blank eyes as a means to keep track of and provide motivation for accomplishing goals. The recipient of the doll fills in one eye (usually doll's left eye, but not necessarily) upon setting the goal, then the other upon fulfilling it. In this way, every time they see the one-eyed Daruma, they recall their goal and strengthen their resolve to stay the path. It's not a passive wish for an outcome, but a promise to oneself to resist the temptation to waver. The Daruma doll may serve then as a reminder of what they wanted for themselves when they made the promise and why their promise is worth striving towards. A popular, related idiom, 七転八起 nanakorobi yaoki, roughly translates as "fall down seven times, stand up eight."

While in the Port Mafia, Dazai sought meaning and purpose, a reason to persist despite his suffering.

"If you place yourself somewhere close to raw emotions where you're exposed to violence and death, you can brush against man's true nature. I thought I could find a reason to live somehow."

His fixation on death, even his suicidal ideation, was an expression of his yearning for a reason to live.

"After all, to die isn't the opposite of living. It's merely a component of the process of life. Without observing death up close, one can't capture the full picture of what it means to live."

Dazai can't endure suffering meaninglessly (he hates pain after all), and he isn't convinced that there is self-evident value in struggling to live when it prolongs his suffering. He doesn't find solace in or justification for his existence in morality because he doesn't perceive any meaningful difference between good or evil, and he understands justice to be a tool rather than a motivation. He's also fretful, insecure, and self-alienating; then, especially, he desperately craved some objective, universal truth to bandage his wounded sense of self but rejected that he could ever be made whole. He was codependent on his own victimhood because it is the only certainty he'd ever known.

"Anything I would never want to lose is always lost. It is a given that everything that is worth wanting will be lost the moment I obtain it. There's nothing worth pursuing at the cost of prolonging a life of suffering."

(Dazai's codependent relationship with his wounds, like the rest of his character, is a reflection of his namesake: "The agonies I have suffered night after night have made for a hell composed of an infinite diversity of tortures, but–though this is a very strange way to put it–the wound has gradually become dearer to me than my own flesh and blood, and I have thought its pain to be the emotion of the wound as it lived or even its murmur of affection." No Longer Human, Osamu Dazai.)

And yet, he searched for a reason to live anyway. He made a promise to himself when he joined the Port Mafia that he would find an immutable, universal truth to house his existence because the shelter he built from his own pain wasn't a shelter at all, but a burning hell that he could only endure for so long. So, to persevere through his crushing, ongoing agony long enough to find a reason to live, perhaps Dazai wrapped his right eye as a constant reminder that his promise to himself wasn't yet fulfilled by his pain; no matter how unwaveringly certain, bitterly honest, and absolute his pain may have seemed, so long as his right eye was still blind, pain couldn't be all there was to find, so Dazai had to continue striving to search. Thus, Dazai became his own Daruma doll.

The effect was twofold:

Dazai was able to nurse his disconnect to humanity by accepting that he wasn't human at all— yet. Instead, he was a promise to become human. Arguing with himself was futile; if he didn't sincerely feel human but pretended otherwise, he'd hate himself as a disingenuous fraud. But this way, he wasn't barricading himself from humanity either. Conceptualizing himself as a promise capable of being fulfilled allowed him to preserve his hope without exacerbating his self-loathing.

Dazai didn't have to stake his life on his timid, unstable sense of self or his mercurial, tumultuous moods. Instead, he was preserving a moment in time in which he chose to believe that there existed a reason for him to live that would be worth the suffering he'd experience trying to find it. He knew he wouldn't always feel that way; his mood swings ensured he'd waver. But where his emotions were fickle, the truth of that moment would remain as constant as his half-blindness. He did not condemn his self-preservation to the care of his flighty whims; he instead tethered it to something that was tangible enough to weather his intangible storms.

That didn't work for Oda, because Oda loved Dazai, and Oda knew that Dazai's insistence on defining universality and external confirmation under his own terms would preclude him from accepting the nevertheless immutable truth that Dazai is, and always was, a person. And a person can't be a Daruma doll, at least not forever. The image of himself Dazai relied on to survive was a stop gap; a temporary measure that would ensure Dazai wouldn't succumb to his pain in the short term, but which wouldn't ease his suffering enough to afford him the opportunity to not just exist, but live, and love, and feel, and thrive too.

But arguing with Dazai is seriously futile; whether you're him or someone who loves him. And Oda didn't have time anyway; he was dying and had only one last opportunity to cheat his hope for Dazai past Dazai's immense capacity for self sabotage.

So Oda didn't even attempt to fight the grain of Dazai's logic. Instead, he offered Dazai a failsafe within a framework Dazai could then accept:

"Listen. You told me if you put yourself in a world of violence and bloodshed, you might be able to find a reason to live. You won't find it. You should know that. Whether you're on the side that takes lives or the side that saves them, nothing beyond your own expectations will happen. Nothing in this world can fill the hole that is your loneliness. you will wander the darkness for eternity.... Be on the side that saves people. If both sides are the same, then choose to become a good person. Save the weak, protect the orphaned. You might not see a great difference between right and wrong, but... saving others is something just a bit wonderful."

Oda knew that Dazai's premise was flawed; if Dazai's reason for living was predicated on his eventual escape from suffering and uncertainty, then Dazai's only option was death, which, within Dazai's understanding, was both a certainty and a facet of life. The Daruma doll Dazai fit himself into to survive the Port Mafia would suffocate him the longer he tried to hide within it.

And so, in case it wasn't enough for Dazai to pursue something as subjective and uncertain as wonder, Oda offered him something else that even Dazai's jaded worldview could latch onto: "People live to save themselves. It's something they realize right before they die, huh...? He was... right..."

And then, as if to dismiss with finality any remaining protests Dazai may have had, Oda pulled away the bandages, filling in the Daruma doll's right eye. In doing so, Oda asserted to Dazai, unequivocally, that Oda's dying wish was for Dazai to consider his promise to himself fulfilled.

Oda couldn't offer Dazai immutable, universal certainty, at least not based on Dazai's terms, but he could offer Dazai permission to be human anyway, and to consider his desire to live reason enough to follow through. Even if Dazai couldn't trust himself, Oda assured him, in that moment, that the promise of humanity isn't one that has to be fulfilled on one's own, and that perhaps it could be enough that Dazai wanted to be human and at least one person loved him enough to demand his humanity.

Evidently (maybe even because both of his eyes were finally open) Dazai could see the truth in that.

Why Mafia Dazai covers his right eye.

Ive been curious for a really long time as to why Dazai always keeps his right eye covered before he leaves the mafia, and the answer i keep seeing really doesn't feel right to me

Most people seem to think that Dazai covers his right eye because it is blind/impaired, they also say that light can disorient him even though he can't see out of it.

This is a real thing that can happen with eye conditions and could absolutely have been the reason if not for how its framed thematically.

When Oda pulls off Dazai's bandages it symbolises him opening Dazais eyes to the idea of doing good and giving him a reason to keep living.

Its so weird to think that Oda was saying, "I want you to hide your disability and be uncomfortable and disoriented from now on." and I don't think Dazai would interpreted it like that either.

Its also important that Dazai never puts them back on, after Oda dies he never covers his eye again.

My theory is that Dazai covers his eye for the same reason Chuuya kept his hands in his pockets. self sabotage.

Dazai has frequently said he was bored with life, trying to find excitement and through that, find a reason to live. to do that he tried to find something that surpassed his expectations and truly thrilled him. to do this he handicapped himself in a way that would make him much less effective as a opponent.

he can't see out of right eye which will effect his aim with a gun, his ability to detect ambushes, his ability to observe his environment ect... we even see this affect happen since he's almost always injured on his right side.

H finally stops wearing them when he's giving an actual motivation, (Save the weak, protect the orphaned) and he has a actual reason to put his full effort into something.

Sorry this post was a bit of a mess, I just keep thinking about it, its such good symbolism.